text
stringlengths 114
320k
|
|---|
This is the sequel to Reaching Out , so if you haven 't read that one yet , I recommend that you do ! This story is a Pearlshipping story . It is pretty short , and will be four - five chapters at the absolute most . I promise that it will still be good , though Dawn 's first light slowly began to creep in through a tight gap in the curtains . It flitted across the bedroom and alighted on the bedspread . The light crawled slowly along the length of the bed , finally halting on a face obscured by mussed black hair . The figure 's only reactions to the invasive light were a slight twitch of the eye , and a subtle shifting of position so that the light landed instead on the silky soft brown forelocks of the woman who lay alongside him . The man grumbled as the phone let loose an early ring , disturbing him from a contented sleep . It rang again , and he reached out blindly towards the phone . He lifted the receiver slightly in the midst of a third jangle , before swiftly replacing it . With a contented sigh he let his arm drop against the side of the bed and snuggled deeper under the covers , twisting slightly so that his chin rested against the woman 's silky brown locks . He breathed deeply , inhaling the heady scent of her hair that always reminded him of the slightly tropical climate of her native Hoenn . Sleepily , she brushed her hair out of her eyes and looked at him with partly - closed eyes . " No clue , " he shrugged , allowing his fingers to ply dexterously through the folds of her long tresses . " It 's too early for a phone call so I just hung up . Probably just another prank - calling kid . " She yawned again and managed to drag herself into a sitting position , the pillows rumpling up behind her back . " Not a chance , " he said , looking at her distended , pregnant belly with a smile . " There 's only a couple of weeks until you 're due , and you shouldn 't overtax yourself so early when you 're so tired . " She opened her mouth to protest , but he forestalled her with a wave of his hand . " Besides , " he continued , " I was going to make you breakfast in bed today . How does tea , toast , and hot cereal sound ? " She sighed and closed her eyes . " That sounds wonderful , " she said dreamily , relaxing against the pillows . The phone rang again as he rolled out of bed and pulled on his sleep pants and slippers . " Ignore it , " she said , opening her eyes . " If it 's important , they 'll call back later . " He smiled and walked around the bed , leaning over to give her a kiss on the cheek . He moved to the door , pausing at the opening for a brief moment to look back at his wife . Her eyes were closed once more , her arms draped protectively across her large stomach . He felt a shudder of joy at the sight of her , and the small miracle that she carried within . Quietly , he left the room and moved down the hallway of the bungalow , slipping into the kitchen . He leaned against a wall and looked out the window . The sun was still low in the horizon , the sky a pale gold wherever it 's shining rays touched . The cool grass shone with an early frost , and a pair of Ledian flew swiftly around the flowerbed one last before beginning their journey south . It was a beautiful day . Posts 102 Here is Part Two . This was originally only going to be a twoshot , but it looks like it will now have four chapters . Hope you enjoy . He carefully manoeuvred his way from the kitchen into the hall , balancing the laden try with difficulty and shaking his head as the phone rang yet again . Who on earth could be so insistent this early in the morning ? he wondered . As he made his way down the hallway , the phone cut off in mid - ring and he heard his wife 's muffled voice . Hefting the tray , he sidled into the room sideways and took one look at her white face . " Ash , honey … It 's the morgue … " she whispered . The happiness he had felt earlier was abruptly siphoned away as he processed those three words through his brain over and over … The morgue … He didn 't realize when the heavy tray tumbled out of his suddenly limp grasp . He didn 't hear May 's shriek of surprise when it crashed against the ground with the sound of shattering dishes , or feel the scalding tea burn against his leg as it fell . He moved as if in a dream towards the phone , not registering the tread of broken china under his feet or the worried words of his wife . He reached out , blindly , towards the waiting phone . " H - hello ? " he asked , his throat suddenly dry . " Yes ; Mr . Ketchum , I presume ? My name is Arata Ukiyo , and I 'm an attendant here at the morgue . I 'm so sorry to call at this time in the morning , but the body of a young woman was discovered on the riverbank last night and we believe that you can identify her . Can we expect you down here shortly ? " " It 's quite simple , Mr . Ketchum , " Mr . Ukiyo said soothingly . " We only need you to state if you know her or not . If it will help you to prepare yourself , I can give you her name now . It 's only whether you knew her or not that really matters . " " Her name was Dawn , " he said . Ash jerked his head backwards in surprise . " Dawn , " he muttered darkly , before returning his attention to the conversation at hand . " Thank you , Mr . Ukiyo , I 'll be at the morgue soon , " he said , hanging up the phone before the attendant had a chance to respond . He stared into space for a moment . The despair that he had felt from the moment that May had told him it was the morgue had already vanished . Instead of despair , he felt his heart fill with a kind of savage glee . The emotion surprised him momentarily , but as dark memories of the past began to flood his consciousness he felt more and more glad by the news . " Ash ? " May asked , but he didn 't hear her . " So she 's dead , " he muttered , " gone from my life forever . " He paused , trying to sum up his emotions . " Good riddance , " he spat . " Ash ! " May snapped , jerking him out of his thoughts . He turned and looked at her , a hard expression on his face . He was surprised to see a worried expression on her face . " Who was she , and what did she do to you ? " May asked softly . " I 've never seen you so filled with hate . " Ash gazed into her cool , sapphire eyes for a moment , allowing them to relax him briefly . " She was a Coordinator from Twinleaf Town , " he said monotonously , turning away from her face . " I met her when I first travelled into Sinnoh , only a few days after you left for Johto . She was a fun kid , and she had lots of energy . She was like a little sister to me . She supported me in my Gyms , and I did the same in her Contests . " He paused for a moment . " And then things changed . " " I had a rival , Paul . He was the most arrogant person that I ever met . He was very harsh when he trained his Pokemon , and he claimed that it was because they wanted it that way . His favourite technique was to get five of his Pokemon attack his sixth at the same time . He said it made their attacks stronger , having to dodge or counter five attacks instead of just one . " " He was nasty towards me , always calling me pathetic , " Ash continued . " He wasn 't as bad with Dawn , although he still hurt her feelings on some occasions . For some reason he really respected Brock ; maybe it was because he used to be a Gym Leader , I don 't know . Thing is , after a couple of months Dawn began to change when she was around him . " It started out with little things . When he insulted me , Dawn didn 't get back in his face like she used to . Once , we challenged a Gym at the same time , and she just watched him battle . The next time that happened , she cheered for him . It came to a head one day when I battled against Paul in the countryside . Dawn took his side , over mine . I was hurt , and didn 't speak to her for the rest of the day . When Brock and I woke up the next morning , she was gone . The only thing that she left was a note saying that she had fallen in love with Paul , and she was going to spend the rest of her life with him . " I never saw her again . " " Oh , Honey , " May sympathized , squeezing his hand . " For some reason , she decided to keep in contact with Brock . After Sinnoh , when he went back to the Gym , he got a letter from her . She wrote to him every couple of weeks . I never got any mail , even though I tried to get back in touch with her through her mother . I got tired of it eventually , and just stopped trying . " " What did you do then ? " May asked . " I wanted to know what she and Brock were talking about , " Ash answered . " He 'd kept all of her letters , so while he was out one day I went into his room and read them . " He shook his head in disgust . " By the time she was twelve , she was pregnant . She couldn 't handle it , so she went and had an abortion ; Paul never found out about that . When Johanna , her mother , was sick with cancer , Dawn didn 't even visit once . Johanna died without seeing her daughter . " And then , a couple of years ago , she killed Paul . She hit him over the head with a frozen Farfetch 'd and broke his skull . " " No kidding . There was a criminal trial of course , but somehow she managed to walk away without penalty . Brock was her key character witness . " " And that 's why you two have fallen out of contact , " May realized . " Yep . Make no mistake , I hated Paul . I hated who he was , and how he treated his Pokemon . But nobody deserves to die like that , hit over the head by a frozen bird . " He sighed . " I just can 't understand how he could take the side of a killer . " " I 'm sure he had his reasons , " May said softly . " After all that happened , " Ash continued , ignoring her , " all of her Pokemon left her , even her starter . Some went back into the wilderness ; Prinplup was adopted by Brock 's mother , and her Pachirisu by Brock . Her Buneary and Ambipom decided to come and find me . " He raised his arm to knock on the door , but paused . He swallowed nervously and closed his eyes for a moment . Even though she was gone , he hated Dawn . He hated her for what she had to done to her family , her friends , and her Pokemon . But although he was glad that she would never cause harm or trouble to any more people , beneath his wrath a small prick of sympathy and affection remained for his fallen friend . No matter how much he inwardly raged at her past actions , he didn 't want to see her lifeless , unmoving body outstretched on that cold , steel table in a clean , white body bag . He opened his eyes , trying to banish the demons from the past that kept flitting to the forefront of his mind . Unbidden images stole into his mind 's eye . Running past a frightened girl in a pink skirt , distracting Team Rocket from attacking her with a tentacled machine … Comforting her after a devastating Contest loss … Running up a long , winding staircase with her at his side , both desperately trying to reach the top and stop the mad battle of two legendary Pokemon … trading her his Aipom for her Buizel , a trade that they had thought marked a true , unshakeable friendship … Darker memories began to pour in , and though he tried his hardest to tear his gaze away from those nightmares , he couldn 't avoid seeing his past . An exclamation of delight when a Magmar 's Fire Punch collided with Staravia … a heated argument , leading to his sleeping in the next field over … a sharp slap colliding with his face that seemed to resonate within the woods … shouting that made even Pikachu run for cover , flying flecks of spittle landing on both their faces … waking up one morning to discover that she , along with her tent and sleeping bag , had vanished during the night , leaving only a short note weighted down with rocks ; the only sign that Dawn had ever existed as a member of their travelling group … The memories , both good and bad , flooded his consciousness until at last , eventually , they vanished , leaving him standing alone on the doorstep , white and shaking , as a cruel breeze whistled around his body . He had tried for years to forget that past , but he realized now that it was time to confront his demons . He couldn 't hide forever ; he had run , and the past had caught him . Now he had to put it behind him forever , and if the only way to do that was to see her dead body gazing emptily towards the ceiling , then so be it . " In here , sir , " Arata Ukiyo gestured , unlocking an old , metal door to their left . Ash followed him inside and gazed around the large , dark room with sadness . His eyes alighted on a dark mass at the centre of the room , and when Ukiyo flicked on the lights he saw that it was a white body bag resting on a long , stainless steel table . He approached slowly , nervously , trying to brace himself for what he knew was next . Ukiyo moved to one side of the body bag and rested his hands on the zipper . He looked up at Ash , compassion in his eyes as he asked the next question . Ash took a deep breath , trying to fight down the inner terror that was rising within him . Nodding , he steeled himself for what was to come . " Yes , " he said . Ukiyo grasped the zipper and drew it swiftly downwards , stopping when her head and neck was uncovered . Ash gazed down at the dead girl and felt something within him break . Tears began leaking out from the corners of his eyes as he saw her familiar blue hair , her empty blue eyes . Despite himself , he almost smiled as he looked down on her . Even in the moment of her death , she was smiling the familiar grin that rarely left her face . " Do you know this person ? " Ukiyo asked softly . Ash looked down on her a moment more before responding . " I told you on the phone , " he said , glancing down at the dead girl . " She drowned . We 're lucky that she washed up on the banks . A couple more hours in the water and her features would have bloated . We 'd have had to identify her through her teeth . " He took one look at Ash 's heaving chest and immediately regretted his words . " She had a bag tied to her waist , " Ukiyo answered . " It was waterproof , and we opened it to see if she had any identification in there . The only thing that we found was a note addressed to you . My assistant checked the Town Records to see if you lived in the vicinity , and when we found your number I called you . " " A note … " Ash muttered , shaking his head at the irony . " She let us know by a note the first time too " He sighed and looked up at the ceiling . " You never can escape the past , " he mused . " Sir , " Ukiyo said hesitantly . " We didn 't dispose of the note . Since it was addressed to you , we felt it would be wrong if you didn 't have the chance to read it . We put it in the next room , along with her shoes and hat . Would you like me to . . ? " Ash sighed again . " What choice do I have ? " he asked . " If she left me a note , she obviously wants me to read it . " Ukiyo nodded and slipped into the next room , quickly returning with an envelope in his hand . He handed it to Ash and patted him gently on the back once , just once . He silently left the room , leaving Ash alone with the corpse . He turned the envelope over and saw his name written on the front , each letter painstakingly crafted in Dawn 's calligraphy . He turned the envelope around again and slit it open gently . Looking briefly at the body of the girl who had written it , he slid out several sheets of thin paper . He unfolded them and began to read . If you 're reading this , then it probably means that I 'm dead . To be honest , I 'm surprised that I 've lived long enough to write this note . Looking back at my life , sometimes it feels as if everything that I 've done has been a mistake . One of my biggest mistakes was in not replying to your letters . They were all delivered safely , but at the time I just couldn 't bear to try and keep in touch with you , not after what had happened . By the time I felt ready to write back , it was too late ; your last letter to me made that very clear . Maybe if I 'd written back to you sooner things would be different , but I 've always had the feeling that nothing much would change about the way my life turned out . There is something I have to tell you that I have kept a secret from all but one . From the moment that I met you , I knew you were somebody special . It didn 't take me long to realize that I 'd fallen in love with you . Yes , Ash , I loved you ; I still do . From the moment that I saw you risking your life to try and save Pikachu , to now as I write this letter , I have yearned for you with all that my heart has to offer . I knew from the start that it would only lead to unhappiness , too . I don 't know if you were aware of it , but I could see that your heart was already given to somebody else . I knew that you would never love me in the same way that I do you , but I had to try and win your heart away . At one point I even thought about leaving you and Brock to travel on my own . It was painful being with you , knowing that you would never reciprocate my feelings . But not being with you would have been even more painful . Although I am ashamed to admit it , I tried everything I could think of to win your heart , but nothing seemed to work . At the end , desperate , I tried to make you jealous by cheering for Paul . I thought it had worked at first , but then I realized that you weren 't jealous because I was cheering for him ; you were angry that I was supporting your enemy . I regret that moment more than anything else in my life . Every waking moment of every day after that , you were cold to me . I knew that you thought I had betrayed you , and I knew that I had brought it on myself , but my competitive side wouldn 't let me back down in arguments . I know that it 's years too late , but I am sorry that I slapped you all that time ago . One night , a few days before I left you and Brock , I left the Pokemon Centre for some fresh air . I was standing outside the doors when Paul and his Tropius surprised me . He said that I was looking very sad , so he showed me his Tropius 's Sweet Scent to try and cheer me up . I suddenly felt really calm and happy , and then he told me that he loved me . I know now that he didn 't love me ; he saw a weakness in you , his rival , and did everything that he could to exploit it ; namely getting me to leave you and travel with him . He saw a girl who was sick for lack of love , and used Sweet Scent and his sickly charm to exploit that illness . The day I left , the two of you battled and his Tropius ended up winning . I should have realized why he used Sweet Scent during the battle , but I didn 't . It enchanted me for the rest of tI 'm sure you heard from Brock about some of the things that happened to me as time went on ; when I was 12 , I was pregnant . It wasn 't from anything that I did willingly . I woke up one night screaming in pain . I was confused , and then a hand clamped on my mouth and pushed my head down . I realized then that Paul was raping me . It happened several times , and I couldn 't do anything to stop it . Eventually my stomach started to swell , and I realized that I was pregnant before I 'd even had my first period . I thought about having an abortion , but I couldn 't bear to do that . It didn 't matter in the end ; my body couldn 't handle the baby inside , and I miscarried . I don 't want you to think that I didn 't care about my mother 's death either . By that time Paul had retired and bought a house , and I moved in with him . I hated him more than anything , but I had no other place I could go to . I was sure that my mother had heard of my " betrayal " , and I was afraid she would disown me ; both Zoey and Kenny had when they found out . Paul was the one who got the letters from you and Brock telling me about her cancer . He hid them and never told me about it . I didn 't find out she had died until after the funeral , when I found one of the letters in his desk . He was out at the time , so I started to make dinner . When he came in , I confronted him about it . His only answer was a slap to my face . Then he started beating me , shouting that he 'd done so much for me , and that I never did anything in return . When I heard that , I just snapped and grabbed the Farfetch 'd I 'd taken out of the freezer to thaw . I just wanted to protect myself and try to get away . I didn 't mean to swing the bird so hard ; I didn 't want it to hit him in the head . I just wanted to escape . He hit the ground and didn 't move . All of my Pokemon ran in from the backyard and saw him lying in a pool of blood , and the smashed Farfetch 'd in my hand . They all thought I 'd murdered him in cold blood . None of them , not even Prinplup , wanted anything toThrough everything that had happened to me , good and bad , my Pokemon had stayed by my side , supporting and comforting me . I had never truly been alone before . When they left , I learned what it was like to be all alone in the world . I had no friends and no family left . I lost the will to live . If it wasn 't for Brock during my trial , I would have lost my case . I know that you didn 't go , and I can 't blame you for it . Brock was the only person who had kept in contact with me . He was the only one who knew what I had gone through with Paul . He came up for a surprise visit once , before Paul died . I told him about everything , including my love for you . He understood , too . He was able to tell the jury everything that Paul had done to me , and they acquitted me under a charge of self - defence . Ash , I know that you haven 't spoken to him since he testified . Please , don 't hold it against him . During the trial , I didn 't care if I was found innocent or guilty . I only wanted it all to be over . Brock was a true friend . He stood by me , arguing my innocence for all his worth . All he wanted was for the truth to be heard . You probably thought he was taking the side of the murderer , not the victim . That wasn 't the case . It took me a long time , but I finally managed to find out your address . I 've been travelling through the country to reach you for a long time . Every time I fall asleep , I relive my past . I have no will to eat , or to drink . I don 't even feel warmth or cold anymore . The only thing that 's driving me on is the need to get this message to you ; to see your face for one last time . If I can do that , I will be able to die happy . I have never stopped loving you , and I never will . Ash lowered the last page of the letter . His arms shook with grief , and his eyes shone with unshed tears . Only now , when it was too late , did he finally know the truth . " Oh Dawn … " he whispered . " All of these years … you loved me and you never said anything . All of those fights we had … all of that pain … years of anguish and torment . Why couldn 't you tell me ? Why ? " Slowly , he moved forwards and looked down on the face of the girl who had loved him ; who he knew loved him still . He unzipped the remainder of the bag and clasped one of her cold hands in his . His eyes sought out the small smile on her face , and he felt a sudden surge of emotion . This time , he didn 't try to hold it back . The tears surged from his eyes , splashing down his arms and onto her chest . " I 'm sorry Dawn , " he sobbed . " I 'm so sorry that I didn 't understand . " He stayed that way until his tears were exhausted . He looked away from her , took a deep , shuddering breath , and regained his composure . " At least … at least you died happy , even without seeing me again , " he said softly , his voice quavering slightly as he traced the outline of her smile . He leaned forwards and gently kissed his dead friend on the lips . Straightening slowly , he took one last look at her and began walking towards the door , folding his letter and placing it securely in his pocket as he went . He placed a hand on the door handle and paused . " I did love you Dawn , " he said . " I was just too blind to see it . " May greeted him as he arrived home . She looked at him , concerned . He had left the house with an air of forced happiness , but now he appeared exhausted , distraught . She hurried off to the kitchen to make a hot drink , but his voice compelled her to stop . Ash strode through the double doors , his heart bursting with joy . His jacket was slung over one shoulder as he moved quickly down the hallway , looking for a payphone . It took him several moments , but he was finally able to find a free one . He grabbed a coin , ready to insert it in the pay slot , and hesitated . It had been so long … what if he didn 't want to hear a word of it ? He swallowed and pushed in the coin , punching the digits in quickly . If there was one thing he knew now , if he kept on waiting it would be too late . " Brock , I … I 'm sorry for everything that I said . I was wrong . You were just being the friend that she deserved . The friend that I should have been to both of you . " " What 's this about , Ash ? " Brock asked slowly , stiffly . Ash stopped , trying to gather his thoughts . " I know May called you about Dawn , " he said . " I don 't know how much she told you but I … I learned the truth . It may be years too late , but I know now that I was wrong about her , and about you . I 'm sorry . " There was a rush of static on the line , and Ash realized that Brock was sighing . " Ash , " he said , beginning to sound a little more like his old self , " how long have we been friends ? Do you think I could stay mad at you , after all that you 've been through ? We were both at fault ; I should have told you everything years ago , when Dawn asked me too . " Ash smiled , relief breaking across his face . " There 's something I have to tell you , " he said . " It 's about me and May . " " What ! ? " Brock shouted , stunned . " Brock , I want you to be her Godfather , " he said . " A - are you serious ? " Brock asked , his voice cracking . " I 'm honoured , " Brock said sincerely , all the hurt he had felt since the trial melting away at the news . " Can I ask what her name is ? " Ash paused a moment , trying to quell the emotion that had suddenly sprung into his chest . It 's rare for me , as an aspiring author , to be completely satisifed with what I have done . This story is no different , although I am much happier with this than with most of my work . In Reaching Out , I tried to be as emotional as possible . In this story , Searching for Truth , I wasn 't deliberately trying to be emotional , but I think it turned out a heartjerker ; I 'm definitely much more satisfied with it than Reaching Out . Is on Fanfiction . net . Need a moveset for a specific Pokemon for a specific contest ? PM me ! Don 't reply to my infractions . It 's not gonna change anything . Random friend requests do nothing . Let 's actually talk first . >_< Posts 656 Wow , Matkin . Despite my heart - broken feeling of this story not ending as Pearlshipping realistically , I must say you 've executed a magnificent story here from " Reaching Out " to this . Doesn 't look like there will be a sequel , but nobody except the author knows that . Doesn 't seem any monsters were involved in this story at all , even if you mentioned Dawn 's monsters leaving her . Not even Pikachu was mentioned . I was wondering what Ash , May , Brock , and even Paul 's Pokemon went off to in the story . Well , those are my thoughts of the story . Can 't review this story because I 'm no good at reviews . All I can say , I hope to see more stories from you , Matkin .
|
This is the sequel to Reaching Out , so if you haven 't read that one yet , I recommend that you do ! This story is a Pearlshipping story . It is pretty short , and will be four - five chapters at the absolute most . I promise that it will still be good , though Dawn 's first light slowly began to creep in through a tight gap in the curtains . It flitted across the bedroom and alighted on the bedspread . The light crawled slowly along the length of the bed , finally halting on a face obscured by mussed black hair . The figure 's only reactions to the invasive light were a slight twitch of the eye , and a subtle shifting of position so that the light landed instead on the silky soft brown forelocks of the woman who lay alongside him . The man grumbled as the phone let loose an early ring , disturbing him from a contented sleep . It rang again , and he reached out blindly towards the phone . He lifted the receiver slightly in the midst of a third jangle , before swiftly replacing it . With a contented sigh he let his arm drop against the side of the bed and snuggled deeper under the covers , twisting slightly so that his chin rested against the woman 's silky brown locks . He breathed deeply , inhaling the heady scent of her hair that always reminded him of the slightly tropical climate of her native Hoenn . Sleepily , she brushed her hair out of her eyes and looked at him with partly - closed eyes . " No clue , " he shrugged , allowing his fingers to ply dexterously through the folds of her long tresses . " It 's too early for a phone call so I just hung up . Probably just another prank - calling kid . " She yawned again and managed to drag herself into a sitting position , the pillows rumpling up behind her back . " Not a chance , " he said , looking at her distended , pregnant belly with a smile . " There 's only a couple of weeks until you 're due , and you shouldn 't overtax yourself so early when you 're so tired . " She opened her mouth to protest , but he forestalled her with a wave of his hand . " Besides , " he continued , " I was going to make you breakfast in bed today . How does tea , toast , and hot cereal sound ? " She sighed and closed her eyes . " That sounds wonderful , " she said dreamily , relaxing against the pillows . The phone rang again as he rolled out of bed and pulled on his sleep pants and slippers . " Ignore it , " she said , opening her eyes . " If it 's important , they 'll call back later . " He smiled and walked around the bed , leaning over to give her a kiss on the cheek . He moved to the door , pausing at the opening for a brief moment to look back at his wife . Her eyes were closed once more , her arms draped protectively across her large stomach . He felt a shudder of joy at the sight of her , and the small miracle that she carried within . Quietly , he left the room and moved down the hallway of the bungalow , slipping into the kitchen . He leaned against a wall and looked out the window . The sun was still low in the horizon , the sky a pale gold wherever it 's shining rays touched . The cool grass shone with an early frost , and a pair of Ledian flew swiftly around the flowerbed one last before beginning their journey south . It was a beautiful day . Posts 102 Here is Part Two . This was originally only going to be a twoshot , but it looks like it will now have four chapters . Hope you enjoy . He carefully manoeuvred his way from the kitchen into the hall , balancing the laden try with difficulty and shaking his head as the phone rang yet again . Who on earth could be so insistent this early in the morning ? he wondered . As he made his way down the hallway , the phone cut off in mid - ring and he heard his wife 's muffled voice . Hefting the tray , he sidled into the room sideways and took one look at her white face . " Ash , honey … It 's the morgue … " she whispered . The happiness he had felt earlier was abruptly siphoned away as he processed those three words through his brain over and over … The morgue … He didn 't realize when the heavy tray tumbled out of his suddenly limp grasp . He didn 't hear May 's shriek of surprise when it crashed against the ground with the sound of shattering dishes , or feel the scalding tea burn against his leg as it fell . He moved as if in a dream towards the phone , not registering the tread of broken china under his feet or the worried words of his wife . He reached out , blindly , towards the waiting phone . " H - hello ? " he asked , his throat suddenly dry . " Yes ; Mr . Ketchum , I presume ? My name is Arata Ukiyo , and I 'm an attendant here at the morgue . I 'm so sorry to call at this time in the morning , but the body of a young woman was discovered on the riverbank last night and we believe that you can identify her . Can we expect you down here shortly ? " " It 's quite simple , Mr . Ketchum , " Mr . Ukiyo said soothingly . " We only need you to state if you know her or not . If it will help you to prepare yourself , I can give you her name now . It 's only whether you knew her or not that really matters . " " Her name was Dawn , " he said . Ash jerked his head backwards in surprise . " Dawn , " he muttered darkly , before returning his attention to the conversation at hand . " Thank you , Mr . Ukiyo , I 'll be at the morgue soon , " he said , hanging up the phone before the attendant had a chance to respond . He stared into space for a moment . The despair that he had felt from the moment that May had told him it was the morgue had already vanished . Instead of despair , he felt his heart fill with a kind of savage glee . The emotion surprised him momentarily , but as dark memories of the past began to flood his consciousness he felt more and more glad by the news . " Ash ? " May asked , but he didn 't hear her . " So she 's dead , " he muttered , " gone from my life forever . " He paused , trying to sum up his emotions . " Good riddance , " he spat . " Ash ! " May snapped , jerking him out of his thoughts . He turned and looked at her , a hard expression on his face . He was surprised to see a worried expression on her face . " Who was she , and what did she do to you ? " May asked softly . " I 've never seen you so filled with hate . " Ash gazed into her cool , sapphire eyes for a moment , allowing them to relax him briefly . " She was a Coordinator from Twinleaf Town , " he said monotonously , turning away from her face . " I met her when I first travelled into Sinnoh , only a few days after you left for Johto . She was a fun kid , and she had lots of energy . She was like a little sister to me . She supported me in my Gyms , and I did the same in her Contests . " He paused for a moment . " And then things changed . " " I had a rival , Paul . He was the most arrogant person that I ever met . He was very harsh when he trained his Pokemon , and he claimed that it was because they wanted it that way . His favourite technique was to get five of his Pokemon attack his sixth at the same time . He said it made their attacks stronger , having to dodge or counter five attacks instead of just one . " " He was nasty towards me , always calling me pathetic , " Ash continued . " He wasn 't as bad with Dawn , although he still hurt her feelings on some occasions . For some reason he really respected Brock ; maybe it was because he used to be a Gym Leader , I don 't know . Thing is , after a couple of months Dawn began to change when she was around him . " It started out with little things . When he insulted me , Dawn didn 't get back in his face like she used to . Once , we challenged a Gym at the same time , and she just watched him battle . The next time that happened , she cheered for him . It came to a head one day when I battled against Paul in the countryside . Dawn took his side , over mine . I was hurt , and didn 't speak to her for the rest of the day . When Brock and I woke up the next morning , she was gone . The only thing that she left was a note saying that she had fallen in love with Paul , and she was going to spend the rest of her life with him . " I never saw her again . " " Oh , Honey , " May sympathized , squeezing his hand . " For some reason , she decided to keep in contact with Brock . After Sinnoh , when he went back to the Gym , he got a letter from her . She wrote to him every couple of weeks . I never got any mail , even though I tried to get back in touch with her through her mother . I got tired of it eventually , and just stopped trying . " " What did you do then ? " May asked . " I wanted to know what she and Brock were talking about , " Ash answered . " He 'd kept all of her letters , so while he was out one day I went into his room and read them . " He shook his head in disgust . " By the time she was twelve , she was pregnant . She couldn 't handle it , so she went and had an abortion ; Paul never found out about that . When Johanna , her mother , was sick with cancer , Dawn didn 't even visit once . Johanna died without seeing her daughter . " And then , a couple of years ago , she killed Paul . She hit him over the head with a frozen Farfetch 'd and broke his skull . " " No kidding . There was a criminal trial of course , but somehow she managed to walk away without penalty . Brock was her key character witness . " " And that 's why you two have fallen out of contact , " May realized . " Yep . Make no mistake , I hated Paul . I hated who he was , and how he treated his Pokemon . But nobody deserves to die like that , hit over the head by a frozen bird . " He sighed . " I just can 't understand how he could take the side of a killer . " " I 'm sure he had his reasons , " May said softly . " After all that happened , " Ash continued , ignoring her , " all of her Pokemon left her , even her starter . Some went back into the wilderness ; Prinplup was adopted by Brock 's mother , and her Pachirisu by Brock . Her Buneary and Ambipom decided to come and find me . " He raised his arm to knock on the door , but paused . He swallowed nervously and closed his eyes for a moment . Even though she was gone , he hated Dawn . He hated her for what she had to done to her family , her friends , and her Pokemon . But although he was glad that she would never cause harm or trouble to any more people , beneath his wrath a small prick of sympathy and affection remained for his fallen friend . No matter how much he inwardly raged at her past actions , he didn 't want to see her lifeless , unmoving body outstretched on that cold , steel table in a clean , white body bag . He opened his eyes , trying to banish the demons from the past that kept flitting to the forefront of his mind . Unbidden images stole into his mind 's eye . Running past a frightened girl in a pink skirt , distracting Team Rocket from attacking her with a tentacled machine … Comforting her after a devastating Contest loss … Running up a long , winding staircase with her at his side , both desperately trying to reach the top and stop the mad battle of two legendary Pokemon … trading her his Aipom for her Buizel , a trade that they had thought marked a true , unshakeable friendship … Darker memories began to pour in , and though he tried his hardest to tear his gaze away from those nightmares , he couldn 't avoid seeing his past . An exclamation of delight when a Magmar 's Fire Punch collided with Staravia … a heated argument , leading to his sleeping in the next field over … a sharp slap colliding with his face that seemed to resonate within the woods … shouting that made even Pikachu run for cover , flying flecks of spittle landing on both their faces … waking up one morning to discover that she , along with her tent and sleeping bag , had vanished during the night , leaving only a short note weighted down with rocks ; the only sign that Dawn had ever existed as a member of their travelling group … The memories , both good and bad , flooded his consciousness until at last , eventually , they vanished , leaving him standing alone on the doorstep , white and shaking , as a cruel breeze whistled around his body . He had tried for years to forget that past , but he realized now that it was time to confront his demons . He couldn 't hide forever ; he had run , and the past had caught him . Now he had to put it behind him forever , and if the only way to do that was to see her dead body gazing emptily towards the ceiling , then so be it . " In here , sir , " Arata Ukiyo gestured , unlocking an old , metal door to their left . Ash followed him inside and gazed around the large , dark room with sadness . His eyes alighted on a dark mass at the centre of the room , and when Ukiyo flicked on the lights he saw that it was a white body bag resting on a long , stainless steel table . He approached slowly , nervously , trying to brace himself for what he knew was next . Ukiyo moved to one side of the body bag and rested his hands on the zipper . He looked up at Ash , compassion in his eyes as he asked the next question . Ash took a deep breath , trying to fight down the inner terror that was rising within him . Nodding , he steeled himself for what was to come . " Yes , " he said . Ukiyo grasped the zipper and drew it swiftly downwards , stopping when her head and neck was uncovered . Ash gazed down at the dead girl and felt something within him break . Tears began leaking out from the corners of his eyes as he saw her familiar blue hair , her empty blue eyes . Despite himself , he almost smiled as he looked down on her . Even in the moment of her death , she was smiling the familiar grin that rarely left her face . " Do you know this person ? " Ukiyo asked softly . Ash looked down on her a moment more before responding . " I told you on the phone , " he said , glancing down at the dead girl . " She drowned . We 're lucky that she washed up on the banks . A couple more hours in the water and her features would have bloated . We 'd have had to identify her through her teeth . " He took one look at Ash 's heaving chest and immediately regretted his words . " She had a bag tied to her waist , " Ukiyo answered . " It was waterproof , and we opened it to see if she had any identification in there . The only thing that we found was a note addressed to you . My assistant checked the Town Records to see if you lived in the vicinity , and when we found your number I called you . " " A note … " Ash muttered , shaking his head at the irony . " She let us know by a note the first time too " He sighed and looked up at the ceiling . " You never can escape the past , " he mused . " Sir , " Ukiyo said hesitantly . " We didn 't dispose of the note . Since it was addressed to you , we felt it would be wrong if you didn 't have the chance to read it . We put it in the next room , along with her shoes and hat . Would you like me to . . ? " Ash sighed again . " What choice do I have ? " he asked . " If she left me a note , she obviously wants me to read it . " Ukiyo nodded and slipped into the next room , quickly returning with an envelope in his hand . He handed it to Ash and patted him gently on the back once , just once . He silently left the room , leaving Ash alone with the corpse . He turned the envelope over and saw his name written on the front , each letter painstakingly crafted in Dawn 's calligraphy . He turned the envelope around again and slit it open gently . Looking briefly at the body of the girl who had written it , he slid out several sheets of thin paper . He unfolded them and began to read . If you 're reading this , then it probably means that I 'm dead . To be honest , I 'm surprised that I 've lived long enough to write this note . Looking back at my life , sometimes it feels as if everything that I 've done has been a mistake . One of my biggest mistakes was in not replying to your letters . They were all delivered safely , but at the time I just couldn 't bear to try and keep in touch with you , not after what had happened . By the time I felt ready to write back , it was too late ; your last letter to me made that very clear . Maybe if I 'd written back to you sooner things would be different , but I 've always had the feeling that nothing much would change about the way my life turned out . There is something I have to tell you that I have kept a secret from all but one . From the moment that I met you , I knew you were somebody special . It didn 't take me long to realize that I 'd fallen in love with you . Yes , Ash , I loved you ; I still do . From the moment that I saw you risking your life to try and save Pikachu , to now as I write this letter , I have yearned for you with all that my heart has to offer . I knew from the start that it would only lead to unhappiness , too . I don 't know if you were aware of it , but I could see that your heart was already given to somebody else . I knew that you would never love me in the same way that I do you , but I had to try and win your heart away . At one point I even thought about leaving you and Brock to travel on my own . It was painful being with you , knowing that you would never reciprocate my feelings . But not being with you would have been even more painful . Although I am ashamed to admit it , I tried everything I could think of to win your heart , but nothing seemed to work . At the end , desperate , I tried to make you jealous by cheering for Paul . I thought it had worked at first , but then I realized that you weren 't jealous because I was cheering for him ; you were angry that I was supporting your enemy . I regret that moment more than anything else in my life . Every waking moment of every day after that , you were cold to me . I knew that you thought I had betrayed you , and I knew that I had brought it on myself , but my competitive side wouldn 't let me back down in arguments . I know that it 's years too late , but I am sorry that I slapped you all that time ago . One night , a few days before I left you and Brock , I left the Pokemon Centre for some fresh air . I was standing outside the doors when Paul and his Tropius surprised me . He said that I was looking very sad , so he showed me his Tropius 's Sweet Scent to try and cheer me up . I suddenly felt really calm and happy , and then he told me that he loved me . I know now that he didn 't love me ; he saw a weakness in you , his rival , and did everything that he could to exploit it ; namely getting me to leave you and travel with him . He saw a girl who was sick for lack of love , and used Sweet Scent and his sickly charm to exploit that illness . The day I left , the two of you battled and his Tropius ended up winning . I should have realized why he used Sweet Scent during the battle , but I didn 't . It enchanted me for the rest of tI 'm sure you heard from Brock about some of the things that happened to me as time went on ; when I was 12 , I was pregnant . It wasn 't from anything that I did willingly . I woke up one night screaming in pain . I was confused , and then a hand clamped on my mouth and pushed my head down . I realized then that Paul was raping me . It happened several times , and I couldn 't do anything to stop it . Eventually my stomach started to swell , and I realized that I was pregnant before I 'd even had my first period . I thought about having an abortion , but I couldn 't bear to do that . It didn 't matter in the end ; my body couldn 't handle the baby inside , and I miscarried . I don 't want you to think that I didn 't care about my mother 's death either . By that time Paul had retired and bought a house , and I moved in with him . I hated him more than anything , but I had no other place I could go to . I was sure that my mother had heard of my " betrayal " , and I was afraid she would disown me ; both Zoey and Kenny had when they found out . Paul was the one who got the letters from you and Brock telling me about her cancer . He hid them and never told me about it . I didn 't find out she had died until after the funeral , when I found one of the letters in his desk . He was out at the time , so I started to make dinner . When he came in , I confronted him about it . His only answer was a slap to my face . Then he started beating me , shouting that he 'd done so much for me , and that I never did anything in return . When I heard that , I just snapped and grabbed the Farfetch 'd I 'd taken out of the freezer to thaw . I just wanted to protect myself and try to get away . I didn 't mean to swing the bird so hard ; I didn 't want it to hit him in the head . I just wanted to escape . He hit the ground and didn 't move . All of my Pokemon ran in from the backyard and saw him lying in a pool of blood , and the smashed Farfetch 'd in my hand . They all thought I 'd murdered him in cold blood . None of them , not even Prinplup , wanted anything toThrough everything that had happened to me , good and bad , my Pokemon had stayed by my side , supporting and comforting me . I had never truly been alone before . When they left , I learned what it was like to be all alone in the world . I had no friends and no family left . I lost the will to live . If it wasn 't for Brock during my trial , I would have lost my case . I know that you didn 't go , and I can 't blame you for it . Brock was the only person who had kept in contact with me . He was the only one who knew what I had gone through with Paul . He came up for a surprise visit once , before Paul died . I told him about everything , including my love for you . He understood , too . He was able to tell the jury everything that Paul had done to me , and they acquitted me under a charge of self - defence . Ash , I know that you haven 't spoken to him since he testified . Please , don 't hold it against him . During the trial , I didn 't care if I was found innocent or guilty . I only wanted it all to be over . Brock was a true friend . He stood by me , arguing my innocence for all his worth . All he wanted was for the truth to be heard . You probably thought he was taking the side of the murderer , not the victim . That wasn 't the case . It took me a long time , but I finally managed to find out your address . I 've been travelling through the country to reach you for a long time . Every time I fall asleep , I relive my past . I have no will to eat , or to drink . I don 't even feel warmth or cold anymore . The only thing that 's driving me on is the need to get this message to you ; to see your face for one last time . If I can do that , I will be able to die happy . I have never stopped loving you , and I never will . Ash lowered the last page of the letter . His arms shook with grief , and his eyes shone with unshed tears . Only now , when it was too late , did he finally know the truth . " Oh Dawn … " he whispered . " All of these years … you loved me and you never said anything . All of those fights we had … all of that pain … years of anguish and torment . Why couldn 't you tell me ? Why ? " Slowly , he moved forwards and looked down on the face of the girl who had loved him ; who he knew loved him still . He unzipped the remainder of the bag and clasped one of her cold hands in his . His eyes sought out the small smile on her face , and he felt a sudden surge of emotion . This time , he didn 't try to hold it back . The tears surged from his eyes , splashing down his arms and onto her chest . " I 'm sorry Dawn , " he sobbed . " I 'm so sorry that I didn 't understand . " He stayed that way until his tears were exhausted . He looked away from her , took a deep , shuddering breath , and regained his composure . " At least … at least you died happy , even without seeing me again , " he said softly , his voice quavering slightly as he traced the outline of her smile . He leaned forwards and gently kissed his dead friend on the lips . Straightening slowly , he took one last look at her and began walking towards the door , folding his letter and placing it securely in his pocket as he went . He placed a hand on the door handle and paused . " I did love you Dawn , " he said . " I was just too blind to see it . " May greeted him as he arrived home . She looked at him , concerned . He had left the house with an air of forced happiness , but now he appeared exhausted , distraught . She hurried off to the kitchen to make a hot drink , but his voice compelled her to stop . Ash strode through the double doors , his heart bursting with joy . His jacket was slung over one shoulder as he moved quickly down the hallway , looking for a payphone . It took him several moments , but he was finally able to find a free one . He grabbed a coin , ready to insert it in the pay slot , and hesitated . It had been so long … what if he didn 't want to hear a word of it ? He swallowed and pushed in the coin , punching the digits in quickly . If there was one thing he knew now , if he kept on waiting it would be too late . " Brock , I … I 'm sorry for everything that I said . I was wrong . You were just being the friend that she deserved . The friend that I should have been to both of you . " " What 's this about , Ash ? " Brock asked slowly , stiffly . Ash stopped , trying to gather his thoughts . " I know May called you about Dawn , " he said . " I don 't know how much she told you but I … I learned the truth . It may be years too late , but I know now that I was wrong about her , and about you . I 'm sorry . " There was a rush of static on the line , and Ash realized that Brock was sighing . " Ash , " he said , beginning to sound a little more like his old self , " how long have we been friends ? Do you think I could stay mad at you , after all that you 've been through ? We were both at fault ; I should have told you everything years ago , when Dawn asked me too . " Ash smiled , relief breaking across his face . " There 's something I have to tell you , " he said . " It 's about me and May . " " What ! ? " Brock shouted , stunned . " Brock , I want you to be her Godfather , " he said . " A - are you serious ? " Brock asked , his voice cracking . " I 'm honoured , " Brock said sincerely , all the hurt he had felt since the trial melting away at the news . " Can I ask what her name is ? " Ash paused a moment , trying to quell the emotion that had suddenly sprung into his chest . It 's rare for me , as an aspiring author , to be completely satisifed with what I have done . This story is no different , although I am much happier with this than with most of my work . In Reaching Out , I tried to be as emotional as possible . In this story , Searching for Truth , I wasn 't deliberately trying to be emotional , but I think it turned out a heartjerker ; I 'm definitely much more satisfied with it than Reaching Out . Is on Fanfiction . net . Need a moveset for a specific Pokemon for a specific contest ? PM me ! Don 't reply to my infractions . It 's not gonna change anything . Random friend requests do nothing . Let 's actually talk first . >_< Posts 656 Wow , Matkin . Despite my heart - broken feeling of this story not ending as Pearlshipping realistically , I must say you 've executed a magnificent story here from " Reaching Out " to this . Doesn 't look like there will be a sequel , but nobody except the author knows that . Doesn 't seem any monsters were involved in this story at all , even if you mentioned Dawn 's monsters leaving her . Not even Pikachu was mentioned . I was wondering what Ash , May , Brock , and even Paul 's Pokemon went off to in the story . Well , those are my thoughts of the story . Can 't review this story because I 'm no good at reviews . All I can say , I hope to see more stories from you , Matkin .
|
Posted 9 / 19 / 09 Eira listened to the President babble on , suddenly sick of his voice . She was watching from her chair , her head resting against the top of it . She slowly slid down into as made assumptions on how the plane ride was going . She wished the plane ride was boring . But of course , Eira wasn 't going to get her wish . As the President continued on she wondered how he would react to hearing that his little sister had lost her voice . Eira personally would freak out , but the President 's reaction could be anything . She groaned and stood from her chair to join the others . Fin welcomed her with a warm smile , which she ignored . As of late the two seemed to be getting into strange small little fights . The hardly ever really fought and Eira couldn 't help get the feeling that something might be wrong with either of the two . Report to Moderator Man hospitals . . . why must you smell so strange ? Creator Posted 9 / 19 / 09 The President waited for some sort of answer , but not getting one . He noticed some kind of strange mood or tension between the kids , and he was getting worried . Instead of his usual chirpy voice , his tone was serious and demanding as he said " What 's going on ? " Annette just stared at him , her face emotionless and indifferent to his change of tone . Aiden glanced over at Annette before telling the President what had happened throughout the plane ride . As he listened , the President 's face had remained serious and blank , even when he heard of Annette losing her voice . When Aiden had finished , the only thing the President had said was , " When you arrive , a Ringmaster will be waiting for you . Hand the Lucifer to him , and he 'll be able to safely send it here . Well I have to go , Ellie 's getting annoyed . " And with that , the screen had gone black . Neither Aiden or Annette were surprised at his lack of response to Annette 's " injury " . They all knew perfectly well to never bring personal matters into work . Even though the President let it slip time to time , Annette never did . To her , that man was no longer her brother . She quickly stood up and walked over to the bed . She lifted the half empty tray and placed it on an empty seat , before burrowing under the bed covers . Aiden transformed back into his wolf form , and curled beside the bed . He rested his head on his paws , thinking and occasionally dozing off . The rest of the long plane ride was spent with akward silences , sleep , and food . After what seemed like forever , a voice came in through the plane speakers , announcing , " Hello ladies and gentlemen . The plane will approximately land at Albion City in 10 minutes . We will be arriving at the MHC Port around 11 : 00 PM . We hope you enjoyed the ride . " Annette , who had been laying down on the bed , jumped up at the mention of Albion City . Aiden looked at her curiously , but she just ignored him . She put back the stuff she had taken out from her bag , and headed towards the bathroom . She quickly brushed her teeth and washed her face , then exited the bathroom as she brushed her hair . She threw the ribbon into her bag , deciding to keep her hair down . She dug into her bag , trying to find a pin to clip up her bangs . After a while she just gave up . A small scowl was on her face . Not just from the failure of finding a clip , but also from knowing where they were going . Albion City . She 'd thought she would have no reason to ever come back here again . But she was wrong . That bastard of a brother . Report to Moderator [ offline ☆ ] zombie mode 24 / 7 Permalink Reply Posted 9 / 19 / 09 , edited 9 / 19 / 09 When the President 's image disappeared she went back to her seat , and shut her eyes . Her sleep was dreamless . Occasionally Fin would enter her mind and they would talk , but the conversations were awkward and stopped after the forth one . Eira , being the light sleeper that she is , woke when a voice rose from the speakers . " Hello ladies and gentlemen . The plane will approximately land at Albion City in 10 minutes . We will be arriving at the MHC Port around 11 : 00 PM . We hope you enjoyed the ride . " Eira was sitting straight up and staring at the seat in front of her . Fin came to her instantly - he had returned to her main form . He nudged at her hand , and after several long moments she looked down at him . Any feelings of anger toward him she might have felt were gone . She began to stroke his mane and contemplate what was happening . Abruptly she stood when Annette exited the bathroom and entered it herself . She looked into the mirror and cringed , her scars seemed to be worst today . She took deep breathes and watched as her chest expended and then restricted . " Everything will be okay . Everything will be okay . Everything will be okay . " She repeated this phrase again and again until she was sure she believed it . She fixed her hair so it covered the right side of her forehead , and adjusted her outfit so it looked perfect . Her mind went to Albion City , and then wandered outside of it . Into a small town , if you could even call it that even more , that once had a small house with a large oak tree in front of it that children use to climb . And what was once inside that house was a warm fire place , and pictures of children growing older . But that house , and that tree were gone . And all the other houses that had been in that small town were gone too . Fire . Fire had destroyed everything . All that remained was rumble that no one had bothered to pick up . Oh , and there was the graves . There were plenty of graves there too . Report to Moderator Man hospitals . . . why must you smell so strange ? Creator Posted 9 / 19 / 09 The plane landed , and everybody trailed off . Both Guardians were in their animal forms , but it hardly made a difference in the crowds of the MHC Port . There were Ringmasters and Guardians everywhere , and seeing huge animals weren 't really that much of a big deal . After going through all the security procedures and all the other tedious stuff , they finally reached the plane gate . Waiting for them was a black haired Ringmaster , his small Guardian canary resting on his shoulders . When she realized who it was , Annette broke into a huge grin and hugged him . The man laughed and hugged her back . He smiled at Aiden , and Aiden nodded as he transformed back into his human form . " Nice seeing you again Aaron , " Aiden said , as he shook the mans hand . " Same to you Aiden , " he said with a grin . Aaron faced Eira and Fin and said , " I believe we 've never met before , but I 'm the Vice - President of the MHC , Aaron . And this is my lovely Guardian Lucy . " The canary chirped happily on his shoulder . Ringmasters rarely saw the Vice - President , seeing how he was always traveling around the world , making sure everything was in check . Even if there were special occasions at the MHC , Aaron usually never came . Although , to Annette and Aiden , Aaron was like a big brother and a good friend . He was the closest person they had to a family . When Annette realized she was still clinging onto Aaron , she immediately stepped away , blushing . Aiden rolled his eyes and gently grabbed her hands . She slowly calmed down , but the blush remained . " So , are you here the collect the item ? " Aiden asked curiously . Aaron looked sadly at Annette , and nodded . Looks like he had heard what had happened to her . Annette reached into the duffle bag , her forehead crinkling in concentration . She rummaged around until she finally found the small wooden box . She handed it over to Aaron , her happy blushing face now replaced with an emotionless mask . " Thanks . Well I have to get going now . I need to catch my flight . I 'll see you guys around ! " and with that , he quickly sped off towards another gate . Aiden turned to Eira and said , " I need to turn back into my animal form , so can I ask you a favor ? Do you mind if you cover for Annette when someone talks to her ? Seeing how she can 't answer , and I won 't be in my human form to do it for her . . . " Annette scowled at Aiden , and slowly mouthed to Eira , You don 't have to . Report to Moderator [ offline ☆ ] zombie mode 24 / 7 Permalink Reply Eira nodded respectfully and introduced herself and Fin . It really wan an honor to be meeting with him . From what she could tell the Vice - President and Annette seemed to be close . She looked more comfortable with him than she did with her older brother . She waved goodbye to the President as he walked toward his flight . Aiden turned to Eira and said , " I need to turn back into my animal form , so can I ask you a favor ? Do you mind if you cover for Annette when someone talks to her ? Seeing how she can 't answer , and I won 't be in my human form to do it for her . . . " Eira answered Aiden with a robotic tone , " Yeah , sure sounds nice . " Her mind was entangled with it 's own thoughts . How long were they going have to be here for ? What is she saw - her stomach flipped . " So what is next ? " Eira looked at Aiden , as Annette could not answer her . Report to Moderator Man hospitals . . . why must you smell so strange ? Creator Aiden ran his hand through his white hair , looking perplexed . " For now , we just head towards the villa we 'll be staying at . From there , we can plan on our next move . . . " He glanced at Annette and said , " Annette should know the way . " She nodded , her expression unreadable . Aiden sighed and said , " Well I 'm going to shift back into my other form . I 'll turn back when its needed . " And with that , he returned to being a large white wolf . His wet nose nudged at Annette 's hand , urging her to go . She nodded and headed outside the airport , making sure the others were following . Out of all the four , she was pretty sure she knew this place better than anyone . Faint memories flooded into her mind as she walked through the familiar streets . Not wanting to see them , she shoved them out , focusing on the scenery in front of her . Albion was a beautiful city , where everything was welcoming and kind . Shops and markets were scattered around the streets , selling a variety of things . Tall skyscrapers could also be seen , their architecture breathtaking . Some were made completely of glass , while others had columns and gargoyles . The parks were gorgeous , the grass green , lakes clean , and trees and flowers galore . The sky was always bright , fluffy clouds floating along . All the homes were decorated to their owner 's taste , some painted brightly , others decorated with laundry lines and clothes hanging from them . Everything was so unique and reminiscent . After many twists and turns , they finally arrived at the villa - although you couldn 't see anything thanks to the huge tall walls that surrounded it . They all headed towards the main gate , which was heavily guarded . Annette walked up to the head guard , an authoritive look on her usual shy face . The guard glared at her for a while , until realizing who she was . He gasped , stuttered an apology , and quickly ordered the others to open the gate for them . She gave him a quick smile before entering . They were welcomed by a large spacious lawn . The green grass was lush , flowers and trees of many kinds decorating the place . Fountains were spraying water and sprinklers were dancing water across the lawn . A huge house lay in front of them . The building was cream colored , the roof a nice shade of brown . It had two stories , the windows shining and gleaming . Simple but elegant . Annette walked towards the huge oak doors , pushing them open and entering . They were in the large foyer of the house . The walls were decorated with various paintings , and doors were to their left and right . In the center , a large staircase spiraled upwards . Aiden transformed back into his human form , flatly repeating what Annette was telling them . " The door to the left takes you to the dining room , and the door to the right takes you to the living room . If you head up towards the stairs , you 'll reach the bedrooms . Choose which ever you want . Each room comes with a bathroom , so there 'll be no need to share one . If you head into the dining room , there 'll be two doors . One leads to the kitchen while the other leads to the backyard . If you go into the living room , you 'll find two doors as well . One leads into the game room , while the other leads into an empty room . The empty room actually contains a secret door , which will lead you towards an undergroud base . The base is stocked with weapons and any other things a Ringmaster or Guardian would need . Of course , no one can go in without me - Annette - so don 't even try to find the hidden door yourself . I 'm not trying to be mean or anything . Its just that the room is filled with booby traps , and I really don 't want to find any of you guys . . . " And with that , Aiden stopped since Annette had trailed off . Report to Moderator [ offline ☆ ] zombie mode 24 / 7 Permalink Reply Posted 9 / 19 / 09 Albion was once her favorite place . When she was home with her mother on holidays they would go to the small bakeries and pick the freshest bread . Almost every trip they would stop at a sweets shop , and share a cake together . Now is was a place full of memories she would rather forget . She had spent years pushing them back , and now they all flowed in . The dam had broke . How was she going to have to stay in this place ? They finally reached the ville that they would be staying at . She laughed when the guards quickly let them in the ville once the realized who they were . Fin was taking in every aspect of the place while Eira was keeping her gaze at the floor . " The door to the left takes you to the dining room , and the door to the right takes you to the living room . If you head up towards the stairs , you 'll reach the bedrooms . Choose which ever you want . . . " Eira started off toward the stairs , no bothering to finish listening to what Aiden was saying for Annette . Fin stayed behind to listen , looking up at Eira concerned . Eira chose the room closest to the stairway , just in case she needed a quick getaway . I 'm not trying to be mean or anything . Its just that the room is filled with booby traps , and I really don 't want to find any of you guys . . . " And with that , Aiden stopped since Annette had trailed off . Fin nodded at the too , " Thanks for all the info , I 'll tell Eira . Oh , and pay no attention to her she is just tired . " He quickly went up the stairs and entered the room that Eira had chosen . Leaving the two to themselves . Report to Moderator Man hospitals . . . why must you smell so strange ? Creator Aiden and Annette just nodded , and they watched as he headed up the stairs . They both headed towards the dining room , not bothering to choose a room . Annette took a seat in a dining chair , while Aiden left for the backyard to wander around . Annette had been here many times with her brother before their parents had passed away . This was one of the many villas they had around the city . They 're parents had been wealthy , but they made sure not to spoil their two children . They lived in a normal sized house , only using their villas for special occasions . Her parents had never been stuck up , and they never rubbed their wealth into other people 's faces . Her parents had been well known throughout the city . Her mother was from a wealthy family , and grew up learning all the things a proper lady should know . She was elegant and kind , but she never minded getting her hands dirty from work . Her father on the other hand , was from an average family , but his stubbornness and attitude soon made him popular . He was always willing to help others , no matter what risk it would put on him . The two shared a common love of sweets , so they had opened a pastry shop together , which became very successful . Soon a chain of their popular pastry shops began to grow all over the place . Life had been happy those days . But it all came crashing down , and nothing was left . When people learned that the famous Aurelia family had perished under the clutches of the Lucifers , they started to look down on them . Her mother 's parents had disowned their own dead daughter because of the shame , and her father 's relatives greedily stole all the remaining wealth - including the villas . The shops that her parents had taken care of with so much love were torn down , new ones taking their place . The Aurelia family had become a story of the past . The people who had loved them so much had turned their backs on them in an instant . Her brother had taken her in , making her a member of the MHC , and the only thing he could recover had been this villa . Everything was still the way her parents had left it , with the exception of the empty room and underground base . Annette shuddered , and pulled her knees to her chest , wrapping her arms around her them . She stared blankly at the wall in front of her , watching as the happy memories of her past slowly slipped by her eyes . A single tear rolled down her cheek . Report to Moderator [ offline ☆ ] zombie mode 24 / 7 Permalink Reply Posted 9 / 19 / 09 , edited 9 / 19 / 09 When Fin entered the room Eira was changing her clothes ; he quickly closed his eyes and walked to the far end of the room . " Sorry , I should have knocked first . " Eira rattled her head back and forth , " I could care less Fin . " She walked toward the bed - only in her undergarments - where she had thrown her bag ; and unzipped it . Fin turned around slowly looking only at Eira 's face . " What are you digging around in your bag for ? " He started moving closer to the bed and stopped when Eira took out a short white dress . " Are you going out ? " He asked has she pulled the dress over her . When her head emerged she nodded and took out a red cloak that fell to the ground . It looked like a waterfall of dry blood . After she put on the hooded cape she grabbed a pair of dark boots and pushed them on . " You look like Little Red Ridding Hood . " Fin grinned . " What does that make you ? The big bad lion ? " Eira snapped back . Fin blinked in surprise . " Eira , you doing okay , cause you seem a little off ? " He rested a hand on Eira shoulder and she flung it off . " I 'm fine . Don 't touch me . " Eira grabbed one of the many Ringmaster weapons and placed it in a pocket in the cloak . " I 'll be back soon , you can just stay her and do whatever . " And by can she meant will . She pushed open the door to her temporary room and slid down the stairs . She flung open the door to the ville and headed out . The ville made her feel sick , this city made her feel sick , but she would rather be in an open space than a closed one . She pushed the guards out of the way as she left the ville and pulled the capes hood over her head . Eira walked down the streets , molding into the crowds . She wasn 't going anywhere , she was just going . She had been in a awful mood the whole day , and couldn 't figure out why . As she pondered on the reasons of her attitude she heard her name being called , " Cleo ! Cleo , it 's me Jack ! " Eira turned her head around and saw a sandy haired boy running toward her . Without any time to get out a word he ran into her , almost knocking her over with his hug . " I missed you Cleo . " Eira pushed Jack away and looked at him . He had grown , he was now taller than her and his face had matured . He was no longer a little boy . " I missed you too Jack . " Jack slid the hood from Eira 's head and looked at her closely . " You look fantastic Cleo ! Where have you been ? " Jack had always been excited , everything he said he said had a flame . " I 've been around , and Jack call me Eira . " Eira began walking forward , and Jack followed her . " You are being called by your middle name now ? " Eira nodded and tried not to look at Jack . Jack babbled on and on about what life had been for him since she had left , Eira just listened speaking when only necessary . " I am working under someone who owns this nice bakery , makes the best bread I 've ever tasted . I know you would love it . If you want we can go , I can get you some free bread . " Jack grinned at Eira , and Eira found herself smiling , she was going to say no but something made her say yes . " Sure let 's do it . " The both headed toward the bakery ; when Eira saw it she instantly fell in love . It had a simple exterior , but the inside was perfect . It looked like the carbon copy of a French cafe , with a old man behind the counter . " Hey , Jacob , this is my friend Cle - " Jack quickly corrected himself , " Eira . Eira this is my mentor Jacob . " Jacob smiled at Eira , " Hello Eira , it 's nice to meet you . Would you like some bread , it 's fresh . " Jack mumbled under his breath about always getting to the point . " Yes please , that would be nice . " Jacob went through a small door and came out holding two fresh loafs of bread . " Here you are , free of charge . " Eira smiled and thanked him for it . Jack pulled her outside and they started walking down the street . " The breads wonderful , can you make it taste like this ? " Eira nudged Jack in the side . " Almost , almost . A little more training and mine we be just as good . " He finished off his bread and smiled at Eira , like he had been doing the entire time . " Do you remember when we were what six ? and we were playing at the pond - " Eira cut him off with her hand , a blush forming on her cheeks . " No way are we going to reminisce about the past . " For once Jack frowned , " Come on Cleo , " Jack quickly hit his head , " Eira , Eira . It 's confusing ! You can 't just change your name on me . " I can - " Eira was stopped when something blunt came across her face and knocked her unconscious . She slumped against the wall where Jack lay , with a bleeding bump on his head . In seconds the two were gone and only a lump of half eaten bread remained . Report to Moderator Man hospitals . . . why must you smell so strange ? Creator Posted 9 / 19 / 09 Annette heard the front door slam as someone left . She got up from her seat and wandered into the foyer . She glanced out the window , seeing a person clothed in red shoving their way past the guards . She was guessing it was Eira . She didn 't see Fin by her side , and that worried her . She knew Eira could stand up for herself , but worry still nagged at her . She sighed , deciding to just shrug it off for now . She grabbed her bag which was still by the door , and headed upstairs . She chose her usual room at the far end of the hallway . The room was spacious , and the windows gave her a perfect view of the city . Her bed was pushed into the corner , covered in her favorite blankets and quilts . A desk was placed on one side of the wall , a line of book stuffed shelves following . The wood tiled floor was covered with soft rugs , and small beanbags were scattered in a corner . She dropped her bag on the bed , and began to rummage through her clothes . She took out a pair of new undergarments , another oversized hoodie - but this time in black , and a pair of short jean shorts . She stepped into the bathroom and took a quick shower , then changed her clothes . The soft hoodie provided warmth and it felt nice against her skin . She was too lazy to dry her hair , so she just brushed it and let it dry by itself . She grabbed her favorite book from a shelf and headed downstairs towards the living room . Aiden was already there , lounged on the huge sofa watching TV . He was flicking through the channels out of boredom , and he smiled when Annette walked in . She grinned and took a seat next to him on the couch . She dove into the book as he kept on changing the channels . Soon , she began to feel her eyes droop , and it was getting harder to concentrate on her book . In the end , the book slipped out of her hands , landing on the floor with a thud , and her head was resting on Aiden 's lap , using it as a pillow . He stroked her wet hair as she fell asleep , and he began to doze off as well . Report to Moderator [ offline ☆ ] zombie mode 24 / 7 Permalink Reply Posted 9 / 19 / 09 Eira 's eyes slowly flickered opened ; she was in a a small room with now windows . She stood quickly , but regretted it , she was dizzy . She placed her hand on her head ; a bump was already forming on the left side . She looked around and saw Jack leaning against a wall , dried blood on the side of his head . She rushed over to him , and shook him softly . " Jack , Jack are you okay ? " His eyes opened slowly just as Eira 's did . " Where are we ? What happened ? " He looked around the room startled , " No I mean , seriously where are we ? " Jack used the wall as a support when he tried to stand . Fin ! Fin , answer me now . I 'm in trouble . She yelled out to Fin but instantly felt her thoughts bounce back to her . Her eyes widened and she walked over to an iron door . She began banging on it , until her first were bloody . " Let us out ! Where the hell are we ? Let us out ! " Finally Jack grabbed Eira 's shoulder and pulled her away from the door . " I don 't think that is working , so how about we try something else . " He was no longer his smiling self . Eira looked around and huffed , " I don 't see anything else we can use ! " She kicked at the dirt ground beneath her and grabbed at her hair . Fin ! Fin ! Fin ! She screamed his name over and over again , until her thoughts became actual words , " Fin . Fin . Fin . Where are you ? " She slipped to the ground and curled into the fetal position . As tears were about to spill out of her eyes she hear a clank from behind the door , and it open . She stood quickly , and reached into her cloak pocket only to find that her weapon was gone . A young man , probably only a few years older than herself slipped in and shut the door behind him . " Who are you ? " Eira hissed out . " Why are we here ? " His grin was twisted and it made her stomach not , " I just want to trade . You see you and your friends took something very valuable from me and want it back . That is all . " Eira couldn 't figure out what he was talking about . They hadn 't stolen anything . But then it hit her like a ton of bricks . That creepy spider thing that had attacked them on the plane ! He wanted that . " Why can 't I contact Fin ! " She screamed , she had already lost her temper . " Tsk , tsk . What did I say ? Be nice . Your friends will find you . I already had a letter shipped out to where you are staying . Don 't worry . " With those words he left . Eira tried the door again , hoping maybe , he had forgotten to lock it . He hadn 't . " What the hell is going on ? " Eira turned around to Jack , who was looking confused . On the other side of the city , Fin was dying of headache , on the left side of his head . Report to Moderator Man hospitals . . . why must you smell so strange ? Creator Posted 9 / 19 / 09 Annette woke up to the sound of the doorbell . She lifted her head from Aiden 's lap and got up . Aiden was still sleeping , trying to ignore the doorbell that was now ringing like crazy . She quickly threw open the door , and a guard stood in front of her . " Sorry for bothering you so late at night Miss Annette , but an urgent letter has arrived for you . " He handed her a letter , and she took it . She nodded a thanks to the guard and he saluted before leaving . She rolled her eyes as she slammed the door shut . She stood in the middle of the foyer , inspecting the letter . It was addressed to everybody but Eira . A great wave of worry washed over her . Her head snapped to the grandfather clock in the room , reading it was 10 : 00 PM . It was night already ? ! She quickly opened the letter and read it . Aiden ! she called , trying not to scream . Aiden immediately woke up , and quickly walked into the foyer . What ? he asked , worried . He saw her eyes were wide in horror , and she was clutching at what seemed like a letter . Oh my god , Eira . . . Get Fin ! Now ! she shrieked . Aiden didn 't bother going up the stairs , instead he yelled , " Fin , do you mind coming down ? Something happened , and Annette 's freaking out ! I think it has to do with Eira ! " Report to Moderator [ offline ☆ ] zombie mode 24 / 7 Permalink Reply Posted 9 / 19 / 09 , edited 9 / 20 / 09 Fin scrambled down the stairs , ignoring his massive headache . " What 's wrong ? I she hurt ? " When he reached Annette and Aiden he saw that Annette was holding a letter . She held it out to him and he snatched it from her grasp , his over protective side was switched on . " What is this ? " He looked at the letter , and read it over more than once . " What the . . . " He let his voice trail off . Dear Ringmaster and Guardians , I am welcoming you all to a party I am holding at my residence . Eira is already here , she brought a guest but I 'm afraid he will have to leave soon . I shall be providing the food so don 't worry about bringing any . I will be your best host . I expect you to be her at 11 : 00 sharp . I do not tolerate tardiness . Until you come Eira and I shall play games , and I will help her guest return home . I have provided you with a riddle to my house . Follow the bread crumbs . P . S . It would be rude to come without a gift , I expect my pet when you come . P . S . S . My pet is the Lucifer that attacked you , just in case you didn 't catch on . Eira was leaning against the wall still trying to call Fin . Jack was wearing a hole in the floor . " Would you stop ! " Eira screamed up Jack , " I am trying to think . " Jack face remained calm , " Yelling won 't help . I am thinking to , I just need to move while I think . " Eira sighed and muttered an apologized to him . " Sorry , I just . . . I don 't know what to do . " Jack sat next to Eira and they both stared at the opposite wall in silence . Eira was feeling tired , like her strength was being drained . After more than several minutes the similar sound of the door unlocking was heard . Eira stood , as did Jack . The same young man came in , with his devilish grin . " I thought it might be nice for us to play a game while we waited for your friends . " He focused his eyes on Jack who was standing close to Eira . " But first , he needs to go home . He wasn 't supposed to be here . " The mans voice usually had a soft , polite tone to it , but now it had turned cold . Ice cold . He took a step toward the two and Eira put her arm out in front of Jack , " Don 't touch him ! " Jack pushed away Eira 's arm and took a step forward , " I can take care of myself Cleo . Don 't worry . " Without even a second passing the man had grabbed Jack and pushed him onto his knees . " Now say goodbye to your friend , it would be rude not too . " Jack was struggling against the mans grip . " Such a rude guest you brought along he won 't even say goodbye ; you could have done better . " An unnatural crack shot from Jack 's neck as the man twisted it ; and Jack slumped to the ground and the man kicked his body to the side . " Jack , " Eira croaked out . " Now that he has returned home , we can play our own game . You see it 's only for two people . " He took a quick step toward Eira and grabbed her cloak , " Now , we won 't need this for the game . " He ripped the cloak off of her and flung it toward Jack 's body . His eyes studied her , " What a pretty dress , but you also don 't need it for the game . " Eira tried to take a step away from him but he grabbed her wrist . His speed was so abnormal . " Now , now , I promise you 'll love this game . " He pulled her into him so that she was pressed against and their eyes were only inches apart . " Where should I start . " He pushed her and she fell to the hard dirt floor . " P - please , just l - leave me alone . " She glanced at Jack 's body , and then back at the young man who was now holding a small knife . " Who are you ? " He bent down and grabbed one of her ankles . " You can call me your Host . That will be fine . " He leaned over her and put the knife to her neck . " Look how pretty you are , such a nice body . " his hand slid up and down her side , " The unfortunate thing is that it 's uneven . How would you like it if I made it even ? " The Host slid the knife up to the left side of her face . " Don 't , please . P - p - please don 't . L - l - leave me alone . " Her words trembled and she watched as the Host laughed at her terror . " We will start somewhere where no one can see . " The knife fell too her hip and pressed against it . " I think this will be fine . " He tore open her dress with the knife and with quick movement drew the knife across it . Blood gushed from it , spilling onto the floor . Eira screeched out and tried to push against the host , but she couldn 't even budge him . " Are you feeling weak ? Like your strength is being drained ? It 's the cut from your Guardian , your both losing strength . " He lashed through Eira 's dress again , this time near her stomach . She bit back her scream and tried again to get free of his grip . " You wouldn 't be here if your friend hadn 't gotten free of my pet , but no she had too - , " he slowly brought the knife down across the mark he had just made , making an Quote Posted 9 / 20 / 09 Arwen had made her way back to her room . The Council dorm was empty at this time of day , there weren 't many council members anyway . She took a seat in the armchair near the fire . Toma had reverted back to his animal form , and had fallen asleep on the rug infront of Arwen . She couldn 't blame him , they had 't got enough sleep the night before . Arwen blamed herself for that , her nightmares had returned , darkening the skin under her eyes . Thats what Arwen hated , the nightmares she could deal with but the panda eyes , hell no . Her eyes shifted to the clock , then back to the fire . She had a couple of hours before daylight end and decided to go and eat dinner early . She yawned and as pull herself away from the armchair . Lightly patting Toma 's head , she made her way to the door . ' Im coming too , ' Toma 's voice cut into her thoughts , startling her . ' Your awake . . ? ' She held the door open for him . A soft growl from him gave her an answer . Posted 9 / 20 / 09 As much as Annette tried not to cry , silent sobs escaped her lips . Words tumbled out of her mouth , that no one could hear or understand . " Why did I let her go ? I knew it was dangerous , but . . . . No ! Why 'd I let her go ? ! My fault , it 's my fault ! And we don 't even have the f * * * ing spider anymore ! " Aiden watched her , eyes wide . Suddenly , she raced up the stairs while shrieking in her mind , What the hell are you doing ? ! Get ready ! And dress nicely ! Aiden let out an exasperated sigh and turned around to Fin . " Well . . . Annette has kind of lost her mind , so while she 's getting her thoughts back together , we should get ready . And Annette has instructed us to wear something nice . " He grimaced and then quickly walked up the stairs towards Annette 's room . When he opened the door , Annette was in the closet changing . She had thrown off her hoodie and shorts onto the floor , and was digging through her closet to find something to wear . Aiden sighed as he picked up her discarded clothes and neatly folded them . When she finally stepped out of the closet , Aiden was ready as well . She was wearing a simple white floor length summer dress with thin straps . Silver butterflies and floral designs decorated the dress , matching with the silver ballet flats she had on her feet . A black shawl was wrapped around her thin shoulders , providing warmth . Her golden hair was down , swirling in pretty ringlets around her . Aiden was wearing a pair of jeans as usual , but matched with nice shoes . He was wearing an untucked white dress shirt , with the sleeves rolled to his elbows . His hair was ruffled just slightly , giving it a nice natural look . Everything matched his thin frame and his easygoing style . They approved each others ' choice of clothes and before stepping out of the room , Annette grabbed a small silver clutch , holding weapons . Although she wouldn 't really need them , since Aiden was there .
|
The dragon was immediately aware that there was something wrong as his nose was assaulted by the scent of bruised flesh . Then he took a good look at the hooded nude girl and became angry . Her arms , legs and chest were covered in slightly fading bruises . The girl was surprised to hear such clear words from the dragon . " Please don 't hurt me . I 'll be good . " The girl said as she whimpered . " I have not come to hurt you . Child , please believe me . I would like to know who has ? Can you tell me who did this to you ? " " I don 't know who they are . They came to my home and took me by force , killing my parents and burning my home . " The girl cried . The girl turned her head towards the stake . There at the base of the girls neck was indeed a large knot . The dragon knew he could break the rope but he didn 't want to cause the girl more harm . The dragon decided finally it would be safest to break it at the front of her neck . " Child , I will easily be able to brake the rope . Lift your head up as far as you can . I think braking the rope at the front will be easiest . " The girl did as the dragon asked but he could tell the movement and position was indeed causing her pain . Once her head was far enough back , the dragon quickly slid a talon behind the rope and with a gentle tug broke it . Then he slipped his talon under the hood to loosen it . When he was finished , he pulled away . " I think you should be able to remove the hood now . " The girl raised up a little took hold of the hood and pulled it off . The dragon 's anger rose as he saw that both eyes were darkened and lower lip was split . The girl 's eyes were closed as she had been hooded for some time and she needed to let her eyes adjust . The girl began crying and the fear she had made her pull away a little . The dragon waited letting the girl get the fear out of herself but finally she calmed . " At first it was just a race to get away from where I lived , I think . Then they started to touch me . I tried to make them stop but they would hit me and do what they wanted to any way . Then . . . " The girl began crying again . The dragon had an idea of what was done because of what he could smell . That was all he could take . " Child can you stand ? " the girl shook her head no . Well he really didn 't think she could . The dragon closed his eyes raised his claws over the girl , called his energy to himself as he called up several healing spells and sent it in to the girl . After a moment the girl sighed with relief as the pain she was in left her . The girl nodded her head , " They told me , I was to be given to you as sacrifice to keep their village safe . They told me that for many years a virgin girl was given to you . They told me even as they did things to me that I would still be virgin when you took me . " " Child , I 'm so sorry . I will find these men and make them pay for what was done to you . If you will stand I will see if we can take the shackles off . " The girl stood and within moments , she was free . " Child , what 's your name ? " " Pae , that 's an interesting name . I am Sarrone . I promise that no one will hurt you . The question now is what to do with you ? " " The men told me that if you didn 't accept me as your sacrifice that you would kill me . " Pae said with a sob then looked down at the ground , " They also told me that if you didn 't , then they would and they would make it a slow and painful death . Please , I 'll do anything you ask . Please don 't hurt me . I 'm a good girl . Please . . . " The girl fell to the ground as her legs gave out , shaking in fear of what might happen . The dragon roared out his anger , shouting flame into the sky . It was too much ; the men at the village were going to pay with their lives when he caught them . When the roar ended , the dragon looked down at the small scared figure in front of him and with grate effort , made himself very calm . " Pae , child , please it 's all right . My rage is not at you . Yes , it is true I cannot accept you as given . You are not from the village and have no blood kin there . " Sarrone softened his voice even more , " Pae , you are safe , I promise . I will take care of you . The men of the village have broken the pact that I have had with their village for 300 years . I would know why they have done this . Pae , please stand . I would take you with me . I will not leave you here alone . " Pae slowly stood . Even with what the dragon said she was still very scared . Sarrone slowly extended a clawed hand behind Pae and drew her slowly to him . Then Sarrone made a kind of seat of his claw and looked at Pae with a small smile . Pae looked at the dragon 's face then at his claw and slowly curled herself into it . Sarrone raised Pae to his chest and supported her with the other claw as well , hoping his charge would not be too cold as he few but his chest was warm and thought it should be enough . The woman that spoke ran to her house and quickly returned . Sarrone took the blanket and carefully wrapped it around Pae . When it was in place , he leaned down and placed Pae on her feet on the ground . Sarrone sat up straight again and looked around . " Listen all of you . Do any of you know this woman ? " " This is the one I found at the giving post . She has told me that men from your village took her from her home and killed her parents . I found her chained , hooded and beaten . This is how I found her . " Sarrone waved a hand over the girl using an illusion to show the injuries . Several women gave cries of shock and out rage . " Where are the men of your council ? " " They have not returned from taking Blair to the giving post . Who has . . . no , they wouldn 't have . . . Oh please tell us it isn 't so . " The woman begged . " They have been away from the village for near 3 weeks . Coming back to get food and to make sure the chosen was ready . My Lord what could they have been thinking ? Is the child there well ? " Some one went running and returned with the old man . " My Lord you sent . . . OH MY GOD ! ! What has happened ? " shouted the man as he came around the front of Sarrone and caught sight of the girl . " That will depend on how I find the other girl . If she has been harmed in the same manner as this one then I will no longer protect this village . Donna , while I am gone see that this child is given clothing and food . I don 't think she has eaten for some time . Know that if any harm comes to her I will level this village . " there was no doubt in anyone 's mind that he meant what he had said . " My lord , you have my word of honor that NOTHING will happen to her ! My husband is one of the men . . . " she stopped , took a deep breathe then rolled up one of her sleeves to show bruising on her arm . " My husband is not a kind or gentle man . " " There is nothing you could do . My husband told me if ever I talked , he would give me worse than I have already received . He is . . . He is . . . " Donna rolled the sleeve back down and looked to the ground . Sarrone leaned forward and took in Donna 's sent , noting a second musky one that was fading , guessing that it was that of Donna 's husband . " He is dead when I find him , widow Donna . Keep this child safe . " Then he turned to Pae , " Don 't be scared . I need to find the other girl and to punish the men that have hurt you . Donna will see to your needs . " Then he looked to Tomas , " Will you guard and protect this child ? " Donna stepped forward and placed an arm around Pae and slowly started her walking towards a house . Pae never took her fear filled eyes off Sarrone and just as the two reached the old man , Sarrone launched himself into the air . He would search by air and track the men by their sent that was left on Pae . He just hoped he would get to the other girl in time . Donna led Pae into the house with the old man . Both were telling her that all was going to be all right . The two had her sit at a table and for the first time in days was given a class of water and food in the form of a nice piece of bread with some kind of fruit jam spread on top . " Here we are . Now you just sit and eat this . Take your time ; there 's plenty . Now why don 't we start with you telling us your name ? It 's all right , no one 's going to hurt you here . " " That 's right , child . Why don 't you tell us your name then tell us what happened ? " The old man 's voice cracked . Pae looked to both of them then down at the food , " I 'm called Pae . " And with that , she burst into tears . Donna placed both her arms around her and held and rocked her as she tried to sooth Pae . The old man 's heart broke at what he saw and hope the dragon would bring back something for him to take out his frustrations on . Slowly the storm weakened and the girl started talking . She told them , all of it . The old man got up as if to pace but went to the door . He was just barely outside when he lost his lunch . Donna was white and looked ready to faint . Pae tried to curl into the blanket but Donna was holding her still . Pae really didn 't care , she truly only wished it was her mother . It was along time before anyone said anything . " Tomas if you would be so kind , over there in the truck is some clothing that might fit her if you would get a skirt and tunic out for me . Then I 'll have you step out and I 'll help her get into them . I wished the dragon had removed these illusions , they look so real I just want to treat them and wrap them under bandages . " It didn 't take long to track the men . They were sitting around in an old barn . The sent of Pae 's bruises lingered in the air . Sarrone took great pride in destroying the barn . The man that was husband to Donna tried to flee but Sarrone gave him no chance . He was dead fifty times over ; the others lay unconscious . That was when he heard the screaming of a woman . Sarrone found her in the cellar of the now destroyed barn and freed her . She was a little dirty but as yet untouched , thankfully . Blair was very happy to be free and told Sarrone that the men were planning to take their turn with her . Finally , Sarrone gathered the girl in one arm and the three men in the other and flew back to the village . Sarrone roared as he landed , almost throwing the three men to the ground . The girl he placed on her feet very gently . Tomas came running out of the house as Sarrone landed and saw his granddaughter . Blair ran to him crying and embraced as she started telling him what had happened . After a time the old man turned to Sarrone . " Thank you Lord . " " I 'm just glad I was in time . Donna 's husband is no more . I have brought these back to be punished by the village . Who stood council before these men ? " " Send some one for them , now . " There had been more people gathering near to see what was going to happen . Several went running to get the men . They did not take long . " Former council members of the village . These men have broken the pact that I have had with your families for three hundred years . The gift was not from this village and I can 't accept her . Donna , please bring Pae out so these others can see . " Donna slowly brought Pae out . With the illusions still in place , several people gasped and raged . Sarrone dispelled the illusion . Blair cried out and ran to the girl and took her in her arms . Pae just stared but didn 't pull away . Sarrone noticed that Blair was a year or two older than Pae . As well as a little taller but for some reason he found that Pae drew his eyes far more than Blair . Then Blair turned to Sarrone . " My Lord . Please . I was and still am willing to give myself to you . The men told me after they took me to that barn that they had found a substitute for me but that I had to be hidden for a while . They told me that they were tired of give you young women . Then they put me in the cellar and I heard them talking about how to decide who was going to be first and to what part to me . Please we need you to protect us . I was chosen and would be happy to fulfill the pact . " Blair walked right to the feet of Sarrone and knelt . One of the men , who had apparently woke up , got up and made a grab for Blair . " You can 't have both ! " He yelled . Sarrone was impressed . Blair jumped and turned in one movement and before the man knew what was happening she decked him , then started screaming at him . Then she let fly a kick to the ribs . That was when Sarrone saw movement near one of the houses . It would also seem that Blair saw him too . " Jason ! " Blair ran to him . " Jason did you know about this ? Did you know what your father and the others were planning ? " She yelled as she stood before him . " I knew they were planning something . " his voice full of shame , " That 's why I wasn 't allowed to court you . If I had known they were going to do this or to go this far , I would have had us run away last year . I didn 't know anything about taking another girl . If I had , I would have told . I would have signaled the dragon and told him . I 'm sorry . I 'm really sorry . " He wrapped his arms around Blair holding her close . It was an embrace that was shared . Sarrone could see that the two cared for each other . He disliked knowing that his chosen was wanted and wanting someone else . " Very well . I will still have to think if the pact is worth saving and how to do it . For now , I am appointing you as the new council ; you four men as well as these two women . " Then Sarrone looked at Blair , then looked at the young man . " Blair how do you feel about that young man ? " " I am not accepting the chosen . " He smiled at her . " I release you from being chosen to being able to choose . Do you want to choose or is there someone else . " Blair looked up with tears in her eyes . Sarrone could see she was trying to talk but couldn 't get the words out . " Do you choose him , my dear ? " She nodded her head yes . " Young Jason , come forward . " Sarrone waited until the young man came forward . " She had chosen you . What say you to that ? " " Then I would suggest that you choose a day for the wedding though I would say after the council has dealt with this matter . " Sarrone stopped and looked at Pae . " Donna , would you be willing to take in Pae ? " Pae all but ran up to Sarrone . " Please don 't leave me here . I don 't know these people . I don 't have anyone now thanks to them . " She turned and pointed to men still on the ground . " They took all that I had . I have no family , no home , nothing . Please don 't leave me here where they can try again . " Sarrone could see she was shaking so hard she was about to fall over . Then Blair came to her side . " Sister , you have nothing to fear . Even though it was by force , you stood in my place . Had you not told the dragon , what had happened to you might have happened to me . Please let us make up for what was done . " " I can 't . They hurt me too much . Please my lord . Take me from here . I can 't handle the shame of it any more . " Pae looked up at Sarrone with pleading eyes that broke his heart . " My Lord , I have things that I know will fit her . If you will give me a moment I will go to my house and get them . " Said Blair . " I do . Though fresh flour , oatmeal and some other foods would be good . I can come back to get the tithe of meat and anything else later . " " There will be double the tithe for now to make up for what has happened . " Said Tomas , with nods of agreement from the other men . Sarrone had no doubt that the extra would be taken from those that were responsible . It didn 't take long for everything to be gathered . Blair and Donna gathered enough clothes for three good sets . Tomas had several young men running around getting the food supplies as well as a large rope to tie up the three men and had them taken away to his barn until they could be fond guilty and punished for their crimes . Finally , all was ready ; Sarrone gathered Pae in one arm and the supplies in the other and took to the air . It was near dark when they came to land inside his cave . Sarrone but down the large bundle near one side of the cave then walked over to his nest and gently placed Pae down . With a wave of his hand , he let several torches . " Pae , how are you doing ? " " Yes . But don 't worry . I 'll be a perfect gentleman . There is another bed over there but it 's not made up . " He turned a little and pointed . " Eva didn 't have many things . She didn 't seem to want or need them . You should rest I 'll be near . Unless you need to eat ? " " You should not be put out of your bed because of me . " then a thought came into her head . " When you would get your gift you would bring them here . You would . . . " Pae looked up at Sarrone . " Yes . We would consummate so to tie me to the village through her blood . After that , if there were a problem in the village I would feel it . You are not from the village ; I could not and will not hold you to that . I told you I would take care of you . We will just have to see what happens over the next few days . Now rest . " Pae put her head down and fell into a troubled sleep that woke her during the night screaming . Sarrone had never had someone with bad dreams and was somewhat shocked . But he soothed her back onto the bed and when he made to move away Pae would not let him go . He got the hint and curled around her protectively and soon Pae was asleep and Sarrone soon after . The next day , Pae woke to find herself alone in the nest and became afraid until she sat up and saw Sarrone trying to put away some of the supplies . Slowly Pae got up but Sarrone heard her and turned slowly with a smile for her . " Pae , how are you this morning ? " " Oh is that all . Good , I thought I might have turned colors during the night and was some spotted or striped orange and purple color now . " Pae didn 't look up but Sarrone could see that she was trying very hard not to laugh and there was now a smile on her face . " That 's a little better . You have nothing to worry about . I have an idea , why don 't you come out of the nest unless you need to sleep some more , and help me put these smaller things away , I always seem to have trouble with them . " He went back to trying to pick up some small item and was making it look silly . Pae got out of the nest and quickly came to his side . Pae pulled away looking down again thinking that she did something wrong . Sarrone placed the tip of his tale under her chin and lifted her head to look at him . " Pae , the villagers call me ' My Lord ' because none of them can remember my name and I got tired of telling it to them . Though you might not have remembered that I gave it . I 'm Sarrone . I 'm not a lord . I didn 't bring you here as a servant . I brought you here because I couldn 't think where else to bring you . When you are better and ready , I 'll see if there isn 't a better place for you . So please from now on just call me Sarrone . " He looked at her and she nodded her agreement but said nothing more . He took that as it was and with her help put all the supplies away . When that was done he showed her a few conveniences that he had put into the cave for his chosen over the years , like a good fireplace and a notch in the wall that hid a strange chair with a hole in the center of the seat that sat over a hole in the floor . Pae turned red when he explained what it was for . Sarrone left Pae to making herself some food so that he could go hunt as well as to think what he was going to do with his little charge . Sarrone flew to the village and retrieved the meat he was promised . Pae quietly made her meal and ate alone but her mind was not in the least quiet . She had heard what Sarrone had said put didn 't know what to say in response . Now the little voice in her head that sounded like her father started in on her but she managed to ignore it for some time . Over the course of several days , Pae could tell that Sarrone was trying to come up with a way to get rid of her . At least that was what the little voice in her head kept telling her . It repeatedly repeated all that her father had said to her about being ugly and that no one would want her , she 'd never find a husband , as well as a lot of other mean things . The worst part was she started to believe it . Sarrone noticed that Pae was becoming quiet but thought it was just that she was missing her parents and the fact that there was no one here half the time for her to be with . Sarrone decided that he would see if one of the descendants of his former gifts would take Pae in and help her and may - be even to find a good husband for her . But for some reason he found he didn 't like that idea but what could he do . So , with an uneasy heart , the next day he left the cave as Pae was sitting at the table . The voices in her head were very loud and telling her in her father 's awful voice that no one wanted her not even a big ugly dragon and that she was better off dead . Slowly Pae went and sat next to the entrance of the cave leaning against the wall . Around what would have been dinnertime , Sarrone came back . He landed in the cave and became concerned when he didn 't see Pae until he turned then saw her sitting against the wall looking out of the cave mouth . " Pae why don 't you join me I have some news that might make you happy . One of the descendants of one of my gifts has agreed to take you in . They 're even willing to help find you a husband . Isn 't that good news ? " He said , Pae didn 't say anything . His concern grew as he saw her move closer to the entrance to the cave . " Pae what are you doing ? Please come away from there . " He moved close to her . Pae tried to turn her head to the wall so that he couldn 't see that there were tears running down her cheeks . Sarrone also noticed that she was mumbling to herself . " Pae what is it ? What 's wrong ? " " Please leave me be , I 'm unworthy . No one wants me ; only my mother loved me . Too much shame , too much . No one will love me . " Sarrone heard her say . He was surprised by her word and it pulled at that strange feeling he had been having for a few days . Then he saw her inch closer to the opening again , Sarrone quickly put his claw out to block her . More tears followed . " You are going to get rid of me because I 'm not worthy . No one will want me . No one will love me . Not even you want me . I can 't live this way . " Even with his claw there she inched closer to the opening again ; at least she tried too . " Pae way didn 't you say something when I was going on about finding you some place . If you don 't want to go , you don 't have to . Your welcome to say as long as you want . " Pae all but cried out and turned away from him even farther . Then what she said dawned on him . " Pae , do you have feelings for me ? " Sarrone said quietly to her . Pae turned quickly towards him and froze . " Pae , why do you think no one will love you ? " Pae closed her eyes , turning her face away again , " My father used to tell me I was ugly and that no one would want to marry someone as ugly as me . He was always telling me how awful I was and other bad things . He 's right , not even you want some one as ugly and worthless as me , now I 'm even less . I wish I had died when those men killed my mother . " Pae burst out crying again and tried to move closer to the edge . Sarrone didn 't move his claw but knew what the feelings that he had been have where . He didn 't just care for Pae . It was more , much more than that . " Pae , I went looking for a place for you because I thought you were unhappy being here ; that you weren 't happy to be here with me . My heart screamed every time I had to force myself to think about having you leave me . Stay with me Pae . Let me love you . There have been only a few of the chosen that I have loved . Please let me show you that your father was ever so wrong . " Pae just looked at Sarrone then slowly held out her arms to him . Sarrone took her into his arms and moved over to the nest . When he placed her down in it and moved to join her in the nest he notice that she started removing her clothes . He had peaked once or twice when she changed and had to admit that she was really nice to look at . They lay together for along time doing nothing but gently touching each other but slowly as to not frighten Pae he moved to cover her but before he did anything , he looked into her eyes and asked , " Don 't be afraid , I can make myself very small . I will not hurt you . I will never hurt you , Pae . I want to show you how much I love you . Will you let me ? "
|
The day was normal , by standards , anyway . I woke up in the morning and dressed in the school uniform , a black mini skit and a white uniform shirt with a black bow . I stared at myself in the mirror . My long , golden blonde hair was let down to my knees . I rolled my eyes in disgust . I pulled my hair into two low ponytails , which lie on my shoulders patiently . My icy blue eyes looked at me ; I brightened my face with a smile . My light skin tone made people think I was American , and my voice made them think it too . Because , I had to accent from where I was born , distinguishing me as an American . But , in reality I was born in Balos , Crete , Greece on August 24th , midnight , 1996 . I shook some wondering thoughts out of my mind and grabbed my small , one shouldered black bag . I painted my nails quickly and slipped on my black high top converse and white knee length socks . I opened the door and walked out of my room . I strolled down the carpet staircase and made my way to the kitchen . Lex was at the stove . Wait , let me pause here for a second , Lex is my guardian . She has taken care of me ever sense I was three . My parents had died in a fire and she had taken me in with open arms , because she had known my parents very well . I had always been awestruck by Lex 's kindness . No matter how much trouble I had dragged myself into , she always seemed patient and always said that I should not have been the one to get in trouble . Lex has midnight black shoulder length hair and light blue eyes . Her skin tone is light like my own . She was short and yet she was curved , but then again , so was I . At the moment Lex wore an Ocean World t - shirt with some light blue jeans . Above her Ocean World t - shirt was a pale blue apron . She looked out at me and smiled . " Good morning , Demitra . Did you sleep well ? " I nodded . " Like a goddess , Lex . How about you , Lex ? " I asked her , my voice kind to her ever existent smile . She never seemed to lose that smile from her face . A kind motherly smile that promised an unspoken promise . She shook her head . " Not too well , Demi . " She paused and flipped the omelet in the air . " I had a headache . It was very bad and I kept on remembering Toya . " Toya . . . I hadn 't heard that name in a while . But I remembered very well who he was . Toya had been raised with me by Lex . He had always been two years older than little me , and at least forty feet taller . . . Yes that was a little farfetched , but he was tall even for a five year old . Toya had a gruesome birth mark across his chest . It was exactly a birth mark , but it marked his birth . It was a long thin shape , much like what you see when a lightning bolt hits the earth . It would start to burn and hurt him at times when Toya couldn 't control his anger . Toya had taken care of me . When Lex was sick , he took care of me . He had grown to be more than a friend . But then on my eleventh birthday , Toya was gone . No note , no nothing . I was sure he was dead , and had cried to Lex to find him , threw a tantrum when Lex said he had gotten old enough to take care of himself , and almost ran away looking for him . I had given up looking for him or remembering him , because it was too much of strain . When I 'd remember him I 'd remember how he 'd left us alone . " What about Toya ? " It sounded like a hiss from a snake , violent and powerful . Lex smiled , and put my omelet on my plate . She turned back and toasted some French bread on the stove as she had done with the omelet . " Oh , just a wonder . I still wonder where that boy went - " I shook my head , taking the plate . " He 's not a boy . " I sighed and shook my head ; I stared down , " He must be a man by now . " Lex laughed . " Of course not , he was only two years older than you were . " She looked over at the calendar on the wall . " Today is . . . " She stopped smiling and narrowed her eyes , then they turned huge , " April 21st . Toya 's birthday . " Lex grabbed the bread ; I slipped the omelet in between the two slices of bread . I ate the food , munching on the breakfast , ignoring Lex 's change of topic . I was still wondering what happened to Toya . Where had he gone ? Why did he leave without saying goodbye ? Why ? " Hey , D , " Roxxane , my best friend , said on the other line , " We 'll be walking to school together right ? Because Pallas wants to know ? " Pallas was Roxxane 's guardian . She too had been orphaned by a fire . At least , that 's what they tell us . I took one last bite from my breakfast and went out the door , waving goodbye to Lex and Winter . That reminds me , Winter is my pet dove . A dove I found one time when Roxxane , and some other friends and I were having a Night Hunt in the woods outside the houses . Now that we lived in America it was harder to do the Night Hunts ( Roxxane too was born in Greece , she is an hour older than me ) but we still had a wooded area outside of our houses that was large and could be easily used for the Night Hunts . Riko stood outside the door . She wore her black mini skirt and her silver chain hung down her skirt . Her usually messy hair was now combed to one side all together , making one side seem bald while the other had plenty of hair . Her single blue streak stuck out perfectly . Her hair was pitch black , and her eyes ? A really dark brown , that when you got closer , seemed to appear darker . Instead of the bow she wore the tie . She had a black backup , which she held with only one side . She nodded her head at me . " Yo , D . " Her skin tone was light brown . Riko shook her head , still frowning . " Nope . Don 't see it . " Riko was my second best friend . We were always together , though she was very much punk while I was more preppy and more of a beauty queen than you . I shrugged . Roxxane came up the sidewalk and looked over at us . Roxxane wore the same uniform . She wore gloves , which had been cut at the fingers , and she only wore one , in dark black . Her floor length black hair was streaked with two colored streaks , blue and red , earning her the title Firework . Her eyes were black , a lighter black than most but it was black . Her skin tone was pale . While she was very much Goth , she was still kind and willing to help others , that deserved to be too helped . We walked to school and before long we were in first period . I stared around the class , I had a feeling something was going to happen , but I didn 't know what . So , I kept looking . My eyes trailed the room , even to the back where the cutest boy in school , Michael , sat . Yet , this time I wasn 't as excited to see him as you might think I should 've been . I neglected his presence and kept looking . Math was a drag for me , and math was my first period , yet I still got an A + in that class as well as Roxxane . I turned to the front of the room when the teacher walked in . " Class , " Mrs . Mike said , " We have a new student . He isn 't from here so please treat him with respect . I am not quite sure if he speaks English or not , or if he speaks at all . He didn 't seem to want to talk to me . Oh , well , " I got excited again . I had a good feeling . And it was a good feeling ! " Please come in Mr . Haden . " The door opened . A tall boy , at least seven feet walked in . His eyes were completely black . Midnight black . His hair was pitch black and tossed to the side , revealing the dark eye shadow he had on . His nails were painted black , and something red ran down his lips . He wore skinny black jeans and a black tank top covered up by a black jacket . The black jacket was opened revealing of course what were the black tank top and a black key necklace . His skin was pale and his stare was black and dark . Yet , there was so many information you could read from his eyes . For instance , he had violence and cruelty in his eyes , but his eyes were also dark and compassionate . I just stared gaping . Mrs . Mike pointed for him to stand in front of the class . " Can you tell the class a little about yourself , Mr . Haden ? " The dude walked up to the front of the class . He looked around than locked eyes on me . He looked around the class again and began to talk . " My name 's Toya . " His voice was deep and familiar . He then nodded his head toward me . " Demi knows me . " I looked at him . I stood up and pointed at him furiously . " Yeah , I know you . You 're a jerk that left on my birthday without even saying good - bye . " Toya looked at me , he cocked his head to one side . " But it 's my birthday , Dem , you can 't leave on my birthday . " His eyes locked on me . I squinted . " Watch me . " I stormed out , pushing the chair hard into its normal position . Toya grabbed my arm before I could leave . He dragged me through a swirling current of stars and a picture of an island . Riko and Roxxane jumped in after me . " Let go of me you jerk ! " I yelled at him . He dropped my arm . We were standing on an island . It was hard to explain , I was sleepy and suddenly fell into a strange dizzy coma , I touched the ground , or at least , I thought I did . Then before long I was asleep . I dreamt very clearly about it . The dream was rounding around the first year I spent with Toya Black Haden . I had fallen asleep and it was probably midnight when Lex came to my door waking me up . " Sweetie , " She whispered , " Someone 's here to meet you . " I got up out of bed slowly , still a little bit sleepy but excited to meet someone new . I looked at myself in the mirror . My golden blonde hair was up in two pigtails and my icy blue eyes looked light and sleepy . At my bangs , I had none , just some stray hair here and there that went freely yet stayed in one place . The mirror was made out of mahogany stone carved with elegant carvings of myrtle trees and beautiful woman picking flowers from gardens , and men baring water from rivers and lakes . It was a quite beautiful mirror , though the glass which I looked at myself in was not as impressive . It was the reflection mirror of any type of regular mirror . I looked at my bed in the mirror . The sheets were golden . It was a small twin bed with another next to it , a couple feet away was the difference . The blanket , which I covered myself in cold nights , was a pale color . All of my clothes were in Lex 's room , because Lex didn 't have enough money to buy me my own separate drawers . I turned away from the room and yawned one time . I opened the door and skipped into the hallway of the house . Then I skipped to the living room . Lex was standing at the door ; the door was closed and locked . She turned to me and smiled . " Hello , Demi . " She pointed her hand to the door . " I 'd like you to meet someone . " The door opened and in walked a little boy . His eyes were completely black , no white areas or anything . He wore black skinny jeans and a black t shirt . I was short because I was three years old , but he must 've been older than me , because he was so tall . He had a black umbrella , folded , in his right hand . His hair was midnight black . He looked over at me and so did Lex . Lex smiled and said to me , " Demi , this is Toya . He will be living with us from now on . His parents don 't want him . Please be nice to him , Demi , he has been through a lot . " I smiled brightly and looked at him . He was tall and cute . I skipped over to him and shook his hand , which he had stretched out for me . When I shook his hand I realized he wasn 't that tall , or that short . He was the size of two ME 's on top of each other ( I was 2 feet tall exactly , making him 4 feet ) . He looked at me , " I 'm Toya Haden , nice to meet you , Demi . " I woke up ; I didn 't want to dream about it . Not anymore . When I woke up I found that I was in a dark room . The room wasn 't exactly dark or anything really . The walls were painted completely black , but you saw no whites , no edge of the room , nothing . And the planets were painted on the wall as well , but you could see no whites in the colors , nothing . But the most surprising part was that the planets and stars and galaxies were all moving together . I stared in awe . The bed was strange , it was like a group of stars under me , but I didn 't know why , it looked like a normal bed . It was a really soft bed , and the sheets and blanket were black with stars on them . The mirror was across the room , it looked like the mirror was floating in midair . But I knew very well it wasn 't . Oh well . I got out of bed and I felt like I was walking through space , it felt like there was no floor , and I was sure there wasn 't . I was wearing the same clothes I had worn to go to school the previous . . . what time was it ? I looked around the room for a window but there wasn 't one . The walls of the room changed all of a sudden . Instead of midnight black with stars and planets it changed to dawn light over a forest like field . Floating in the air was a clock . I got the clock and looked at the time . I was surprised . It was 2 : 00 AM . I heard a whistle . It was loud and it was focused on me . It was meant for me . I heard a shout . I didn 't understand the words but I ran around the room touching the wall . Than my hand squeezed around a door knob and I turned the door knob . The door opened and revealed an underwater hallway . The sides were like fish tanks . The water rippled on the side and fish and other water animals swam around . And not just on the sides but also on the roof and floor . I walked around the hallway was pretty clear to where it led . And there was a door at the end of the hallway , surprisingly ; it was a normal wooden door . I turned it and looked down at some stairs , they led down and another set of stairs led up . The bottom ones and the top ones looked like normal marble staircases with nothing odd or different . I walked down the bottom stairs and stared down at the floor . The floor looked like an earthquake had passed it completely . But it was like the bare Earth , and a large crack goes right through it . That 's what it had looked like . I tried to ignore the crack in the Earth and not step on it or fall into it . But of course I ended up stepping on it , I thought I was going to plummet to my death , but I didn 't . I walked through the hallway and finally made it to a large door . I still heard someone whistling . I found my bag on the floor beside the door , I picked it up . I ran out the door . The rolling green hills stretched out around me . I hadn 't gotten a good look at the place the first time I had passed out , but now everything was clear . The green hills outstretched and in the middle of the island , a paradise of stores and other areas unfolded . I could see an outstretching castle made of golden crystal . As I started in awe at the castle , which was much like a Victorian mansion , someone whistled again . I turned around and saw Toya standing on the sidewalk outside the house I had come from , I hadn 't moved far from it . I looked at him , and our eyes met . I felt bitter , and I was glad that I felt that way . " What do you want , Haden ? " I asked my voice strong . He was holding a black umbrella over his head , and he looked just about normal . Same pale skin , black hair , double ear piercings , and double lip piercings . His black eyes ; they were darker then I had remembered . Even though I was furious at him his eyes made me stop thinking about it . His eyes weren 't just true beauty ; they were a true work of art . They had no whites , it was just completely black . Midnight black . His eyes had always been like that , seemingly emotionless , but full of struggle . Persuasive , but yet unwilling . Hateful . . . yet loving . That was a lot to say . They were so full of every emotion , so full of passion and full of wanting . I wanted to be like . . . to not be afraid of what came to him , to be able to protect everyone , no matter how cruel or mean they had once been to him . He was so beautiful . . . the way he talked , the way he walked , the way he acted , the way he smiled . Oh - his smile ! The second thing that always had me in a trance , always , was his smile . Why was he so handsome ? I snapped out of it when he began talking . " My name 's Toya . Not Haden . Get it straight . " He said . Even though he had planned on being rude in those words , I was dazzled by the majesty of his voice . Deep , and ran slender . I flinched and didn 't breathe for some time , until I realized I was holding my breath . I breathed and angrily looked at Toya . " Listen , " I started , " Listen to me , Haden . I don 't care what your name is . I don 't care about jerks like you that leave someone without saying anything . So , leave me alone , Haden . " I was tearing up now , tears stung behind my icy blue eyes , threatening to fall . " What was it ? What was it ? ! You just didn 't think we were good enough to take care of you ? ! Did you think that after the time you spent with us , we would find it funny if you just got up and left ? ! ? " I shouted . I didn 't know what I was doing . I swear I didn 't . Words were just spilling from my mouth like the way a waved pulled in after an attack on land ; fast and angry . I said things that moment that I didn 't mean . And I thought that Toya was being insulted , and I wasn 't sure whether or not he was . I didn 't care . That 's when he hugged me . He pushed me close to his body , squeezing me by the neck , almost as if trying to choke me . " Demi , love isn 't to be played with . No matter how funny it is , it isn 't supposed to be toyed with . Demi , if people love each other they shouldn 't say mean things to each other . I 'm afraid that if I say what I feel for you than you will begin to think knots of me . And honestly - I don 't want that . " Toya said , and he continued , " I really didn 't want to leave ; I didn 't want to leave without saying goodbye . I didn 't want to see your face when I left . The truth is Demi ; I never had any thought in mind about leaving you . I didn 't think it would be fair to leave you without saying this much . " I blinked , surprised , and started crying . Toya had never said that to me . At least not that I could remember . But now he was telling me this , and at the same time he was hugging me . What did I feel for Toya that I didn 't feel for anyone else ? Love . Toya cradled me with love , and I shouldn 't have asked questions , or said mean things to him . But I couldn 't admit I was wrong , or that I was sorry . I was stubborn , and that 's how Toya liked it . Toya . I 've always liked that name . I asked him a stupid question , " Toya , " I started , " How come your mother is British , your father is Greek , your name is Japanese , and you speak in an American accent ? " He smiled and picked me off my feet . " You idiot ! We have to go to school now ! " He shouted still laughing , but I had no idea when he had started laughing . " Just follow me . " He reached out to grab my hand ; I flinched and moved away lightly , " Do you trust me ? " He asked his voice almost clear to disappointment . I looked at him , with one confused eyebrow , cocked up . " I do ? " And then shook my head , as if ignoring my previous statement , and repeated myself , " I do . " He looked around for a second , and I got a good look at him , at Toya . His hair was midnight black and always seemed to cover one eye , mainly the right one . His nails were painted midnight black , and his wardrobe was odd for Toya . Instead of black skinny jeans and a black tank top or t shirt or sweater , instead he wore a Greek male tunic in black , with a silver lining . He wore the Greek shoes , and I stared , and almost began to laugh , if it wasn 't for his emo face , I wouldn 't have been able to take him seriously . His angular face made me gape , and sometimes even stare . It was surprising ; I liked no one 's beauty but my own . But when I was around him . . . my heart would go in twists , my stomach would flutter , and my eyes would bubble . He was beautiful , and that was a lot coming from me . " Hey , " He said , " Wake up ! " Toya shouted . I snapped back to reality , and looked at Toya . He was staring down at me with sharp eyes . " Come on , " He said , " I have to take you to school , or else Zeus will kill me . " He started leading me through island - like place . I was distracted looking around . It was a beautiful place . Green hills rolled by , here and there , beautiful strange flowers grew . The flowers were multicolored and they looked a lot like a lotus . They had these strange curling little things , which , I can 't really explain what it looked like , but it looked at bit like an extremely thin , and the seemed to be wilting almost . The flower itself was in fact beautifully living . I saw purple ones and green ones , red ones and pink ones , blue ones and maroon ones , black ones and silver ones . It was actually rather pretty to look at . I even tried to reach for one ; it was one that had caught my eye . It was a beautiful golden lotus a lot like the others , but seemed to have a fuller form . The problem was it was on the leaf of a tree . I stared in awe , and I stretched up to reach it , but I couldn 't , I jumped and jumped , but nothing . Then all of a sudden Toya grabbed it . I took it with a light expression and cupped it in my hands . My eyes lit up . I loved flowers , actually , not that much . What I loved was the lotuses and how they were beautiful . But this one , this one was more beautiful than the normal ones . I stared at it and kept walking along with Toya , but I tripped suddenly , over something . Toya 's hand grabbed me and pulled me back up . I stared at Toya , surprised . He was holding my hand , not letting go . He walked me along , holding my hand the entire way . Toya 's hand was cold and I wondered if his face was cold too . I just looked down at our hand ; my warm hand squeezed his cold one . His hand was surprisingly soft , like mine . He looked down at me and smiled , I felt my face turn red . And I thought that moment would last forever when all of a sudden someone screamed , " TOYA ! " It was a girl 's voice , and she did not sound too happy . Toya and I turned around and I watched as a purple haired girl came over to us . She looked emo and her hair was died completely purple , I wasn 't sure whether or not her hair was naturally that color , but I didn 't seem to care . Her eyes were deadly focused on me , and then they moved to Toya with a bigger group of true anger . She gritted her teeth , " What the hell are you doing holding that girls hand ! ? " She screamed angrily . I looked over at Raven , to see what she would say , and she said , " Drop her hand ! " She shouted , but Toya was reluctant to do it , and when she saw his reluctance she turned purple , and I don 't mean her disgusting hair , " I said , DROP HER HAND ! ! ! ! ! ! " This time angrier than ever . Toya dropped my hand , and I stared at my hand . Raven was angry . She wore a one sided Greek tunic in purple and purple tennis shoes . She had scars running up and down her arms from times of distress , times where she had cut herself . Her legs were scarred too , probably from the same reason . It was hard to tell who was more intimidating , Toya , or this chick . Probably Toya though . He had the beautiful eyes and the cruel smile , but aside from that , I knew very well that Toya was capable of anything when he was angry . Mainly from experience . " I don 't believe you ! Do you like this preppy girl or something ? ! " She pointed to me , her finger in my face with an annoying stance . Toya was red now ; his eyes seemed to have fire coming from them , " I DON ' T LIKE HER ! ! ! " He said it so simply . With . . . he said it . He said it . I was confused . I thought we felt the same way about one another . Didn 't we ? I felt the strange feelings for him ! I felt love for him ! Why didn 't he feel the same way for me ? I gaped , " You don 't ? Not even . . . a little ? But , I thought , I thought we were more than friends . . . Aren 't we ? You don 't like me . . . ? " I was walking back now , scared , stunned , and . . . Lost . I couldn 't hold my feelings in . And , this , this was why I had been so rude to him ! Tears ran down my cheeks and he looked at me , " No , Dem , that 's not what I - " I slapped him , " Don 't you ever call me Dem again ! Dem is the name my friends call me by ! " I paused , " You are not my friend ! And you never will be ! " He reached up and touched the mark on his cheek from the slap I had given him . He stared at me now . His black umbrella was above his head covering him from an inexistent rain . " But . . . " His voice faded away . But , before long , I ran into someone . I looked up to say sorry , and was surprised at what I saw . It was a young girl , her hair into pigtails , and her hair was curled . She looked cute , like a Porcelain doll . Except , her hair was white and so were her eyes . The little girl 's eyes were a lot like Toya 's eyes , they had no pupils or any other areas , hers were just white . She had a sad look on her face , but a cute smile the protruded from it . I was still crying and that little girl cocked her head at me , " What 's wrong miss ? " Her voice was gentle and quiet ; I was going to ask her to repeat herself , except the words became a little clearer to me . I stood up straighter , and sniffled , " Nothing is wrong , little girl . Don 't worry . " I looked around and took the little girls hand , " Now , where are your parents ? " I had stopped crying now and held the soft , cold hand of the little girl . The little girl was pale and she wore a female Greek tunic , much like the one Raven had worn , except hers was in white . Hers was sleeveless and held up by a white gemstone . Bows held her hair up , and the bows were white . She was a cute little girl , and the cute little smile on her face made me forget my sadness , but she was cold . Her hand . It was freezing , a lot like Toya . The little girl reminded me of someone , but I 'm not sure who . She looked around , and then back at me , " My mamas angry at my papa , my papa said mean things . My papa said he didn 't love my mama , so mama ran away crying . My sissy went with my mama , and I just stood there , I wasn 't going with papa . Papa doesn 't deserve it . But , I want to be with sissy . " I blinked , " That 's sounds an awful lot like what just happened to me . Except I don 't have any kids . " I was still holding the cute little girls hand , but this time with a little more thought in my mind , " You want me to help you look for your sissy ? " I asked her , flipping a strand of blonde hair out of my face , my blue eyes making eye - to - eye contact with her white ones . I made a weak smile to the little girl , " I 'll try , sweetie , " She held onto my hand a little tighter , her big eyes staring at me . She looked a lot like me , curly hair , big eyes , and a cute smile . I wondered who her parents were . Her mother must 've been beautiful , and her father must 've been very handsome , yet very cruel . I wonder what her sister looked like , and if her sister was as cute as her . Maybe not . I walked her around , holding her hand the whole time , and pointing out people that looked old enough to be parents but she kept shaking her head and saying that they were too young to be her mommy . So , I started pointing out males and she kept shaking her head and saying her daddy was allergic to sunlight . That part surprised me , " What 's your name , little girl ? " I asked her . She smiled up at me , " You should know by now . " Her voice was so mysterious now , so . . . vacant . And she seemed to have curled her lips into smile ; it was a smile that made me think of Toya . Who was this girl ? Then it hit me , something I didn 't expect , a little girl stood behind me , watching me . I turned around and saw the little girl . She had the same eye types that the other little girl did , except hers were bloody red as well as her hair and dress . Unlike the other little girl , who was pale , this girl had light - orange skin , and a cold smile . Her red eyebrows were narrowed over her eyes and she cocked her head at me . I had a feeling this was the little girls sissy . They looked much alike , they wore the same dress in different colors , and they were the same height and seemed to acknowledge each other with smiling eyes . They ran to hug one another and then each smiled at me , the red one in her evil form , and the white one in her sad form . The girls skipped away happily holding each other 's hand , and singing Family Portrait by P ! nk . I just stared out looking at them . I wondered who could 've birthed girls more perfect in Yin and Yan Chinese characteristics , ( I mean that one looked sweet and good , while the other looked evil and mischievous ) . I stood there , wondering what their names were . As I stood there someone touched my shoulder . I looked up and saw Riko and Roxxane , " Hey , " Riko said , her half bald head in the same style it was this morning . . . or last night . . . or . . . I don 't remember ! Roxxane looked the same too , except her untamed her was set free , scraping the ground . I stared at them and Roxxane smiled , " Hey , D , " She said , pausing to continue , " We have to go school here now . " She pointed her hand around , introducing me to everything , even though I had already seen everything , " This is our new home . " " You 're kidding ! " I said . My surprise , and anger , was growing . I flipped a large amount of blonde hair out of my face , my icy blue eyes focused on my best friends . Roxxane reached out to grab my hand , " I 'm sorry , Demi , " She said , " But we can 't go back to live with Pallace , or Lex , or even Nagashi . They can 't help us . " Roxxane was being honest , her voice , everything . Why was Roxxane telling me this ? Roxxane and Riko looked at each other , sad looks in their eyes , Riko came over to me , she took my hand from Roxxane and looked into my eyes sadly , " Demi , " She said , " Our guardians are gone . Nowhere in sight . Not here . Not anywhere . It 's like . . . " She paused , " Like they never existed . " " W - w - w - w - w - w - w , " I repeated , until it came out , " What ? " I asked , my voice cracking and faulting . " B - b - b - b - b - but , where did they g - g - g - g - go ? " I asked . Another look at each other . They hugged me , a tight hug and I just blinked . " Demi , " Riko said , " Let 's just go to school , we can explain everything there . " They led me through a bunch of grassy hills and through a bunch of gardens that had multiple colors of flowers , the house that I had been in when I woke up was large and behind it were other houses with other kids coming out . And it seemed to be the same for everything else . I saw something glassy sort of move around in front of my house and seemed to go around all the other houses behind my own . Next to my house there was another one that was probably the same size , except there was only one of those , and that one was completely black and silver . I wondered who lived there , in such a dark house . I shrugged . On the other side of my house was a pink - like area with a bunch of pink lotuses and hearts floating around , I rolled my eyes . I hated lovey - dovey crap like that . Mainly because boys at my school would always appear to me with roses and love notes . I would smile and pretend I liked it , and at first I had , but I had gotten tired of all that kind of crap . I started humming . " You 'll probably move right through . . . " I hummed . The song was Paralyzer by Finger Eleven and I don 't know why but I could imagine Toya singing it to me . I could see him yelling that lyrics at me . And I don 't know why , even though he had rejected me , I still imagined us together . Maybe it was just my mind . I don 't know . But to tell you the truth I really was still mad , " Me on my way to you ! You 'll probably move right through ! " Riko looked over at Roxxane , and then back at me , " Do you guys think Ryuske is here to ? Some guys tried to take us yesterday and I haven 't seen him sense . I 'm not sure where he is . Do you guys think he 's at school ? " She asked . Riko and Ryuske were twins but Ryuske was a boy . They were related and Riko couldn 't live without Ryuske . " I 'm worried . " He was older , Ryuske I mean . He was older than Riko by a couple seconds and they had looked almost identical . Riko considered Nagashi her mother , always calling her mother . I on the other hand considered her as her guardian because I didn 't think Nagashi was capable of making Riko and Ryuske . And you may think , what the hell does this have to do with anything ? Well , it 's important to me . I walked over to her , " I know you 're worried about him , Riko , who wouldn 't be ? " I grabbed her hand , " But don 't worry , I 'm sure he 's the one worrying about you . And , plus , Ryuske can take care of himself . He 's a tough guy . " I smiled . Roxxane rolled her eyes with a smile across her black lips . That 's when a large bell rang , " Shit ! " Roxxane yelled , " That 's the school bell c ' mon ! " We started running . I followed them and a giant group of other kids as they ran to an overwhelmingly large looking place . At first I didn 't know what it was then I started realizing what it was . It looked a lot like a castle , with at least eleven other ones all around . One had a giant number 1 on it , and another one with a giant 2 , and it kept going on like that . I counted 12 in total . I thought it was a group of palaces , because it looked just like that . But , on the contrary , they were schools . I looked around , the sun was up . Just coming up though . Riko turned around and shouted , " Come on , Demi ! Stop describing crap in your head and run ! " I gave her a smirk look . Riko knew very well that I had been describing every part of the " schools " and I was still thinking about how to describe it . I ran a little faster this time , following Riko and Roxxane who kept running , such speed they made the dirt fly . Roxxane had always been the slower of us three , and Riko had always been the fastest , I had been able to catch up with Riko all the time , but she had always been miles faster than me . I never thought I would be the one way behind , I had thought it would 've been Roxxane , I guess I was wrong . I ran a little faster and faster trying to catch up with them , and when I finally did I was in between them . Riko looked over at me and pointed to the twelve buildings , " Every morning , Demi , we go to the 8th building . We go to the 8th building until we go to 9th grade , then we go to the 9th building . It works like that and we should just get used to it , alright ? That 's our school . While you were with Toya , or whoever , Roxxane and I got a tour from some guy named Drew . He showed us around the school , and introduced us to some . . . Gods - " Roxxane had stopped running , and I was still running , but then they both stopped and walked casually , so I stopped too , looking like a dumb ass . " Well , you see , we 're not . . . normal , Demi . Our parents didn 't die . Our parents weren 't filthy rich humans . We 're very different . " Riko yawned , " Roxxane and I are half - god half - human . Well , I think Roxxane is . Hers is complicated . So is mine , but mine 's simpler to understand . Drew didn 't tell us what you were ; he said that was Toya 's job . By the way , who 's Toya , and why the Hell do I hate him so much ? I haven 't even met him but I already don 't like him . " " He 's my childhood friend . He left without saying good - bye on my 11th birthday . That year , entering 6th Grade , I started hanging out with you guys . So , even though it hurt , I guess him leaving wasn 't all that bad . He 's two years older than me , he 's such a smartass sometimes and that gets me mad . " I told them , hardly giving my words a story , or a voice , or anything of such interest , just monotone . Large double doors , like the doors of a castle , opened up . The doors were gold and silver , much like the other ones that were also open . There were twelve doors open from each of the twelve schools . We squeezed through the doors , yes the doors were large , but there were thousands of people going through the same doors . And I 'm not kidding . There were thousands of people trying to get into the school . I wasn 't even sure it was the right school until I saw kids the same age as us . " Is this the right school ? " I asked Roxxane . I looked around , it was the truth . The number 8 itself was on both sides of the wall . The wall was pure toper and felt soft to the touch . The roof was the same toper stone , but a little rougher so that rain couldn 't seep through . The floor on the other hand was carpet , odd ; in most middle schools it was floor . But the floor was carpet with another carpet on top of it . The carpet on top of it was a giant , Victorian 8 . It was quite beautiful , I admit . I would 've enjoyed very well staying there forever just staring at the carpet itself . But , I couldn 't ! There were more things that were probably just as beautiful as it . I was right ! Instead of lights there were fire burning posts on the wall . " Alright . " I managed to tear my eyes from the hallway of the school , and actually look around at the rest . The doors where we had come through were beautiful and interact in designs , and I couldn 't help but stare in awe , wondering , who was able to make such beautiful doors . Too much for words , really . And , even if I had a dictionary in hand , I would not be able to describe every detail of the doors , not even a single detail if I tried . I followed Riko and Roxxane through the hallway , as well as a bunch of other students that were going in the same direction . Though , others were going in the other direction , crowding one another just to get through . Then , more people rummaged through . Except they were all tall , well built , and beautiful with glowing auras , and faces . . . Oh the faces were amazing . There were faces quite old with beards , and there were faces with no mistakes and pure beauty . There was a woman ; she was tall and shaped like an hourglass . She had a good - figure , and a very well built body . She wore a floor - length hot pink tunic , sleeveless , and her face was perfect . Free of blemishes , and free of scars . It made me wonder how such a woman could look so beautiful , because I knew for a fact that she must 've been quite old . I could somehow just tell . Her hair was a lot like mine , long and a curly golden - blonde . The problem with her was that she had every male on her tail . No , she didn 't have a tail , but the men that had also come , old and young , were at her pink heels with smiles on their faces . Her hair was braided ; too , did I forget to mention that ? Her hair was braided to the back , over her head , and the braids made a golden heart . She was really beautiful . Her aura was a super - hot pink , and no matter what I did I couldn 't stop from staring . She had bigger breasts than Double - D breasts . And , I had always thought that such big breasts would make a woman look old , but on the contrary , they made her look more beautiful . It may have been possible that I was a bit jealous . . . Just a bit . I would 've been more jealous to , because of this part . A bulk - man . And when I say bulk I mean more muscles than Hulk . Yeah . Well , he was beside her . His skin , unlike hers , was scarred . Hurt , cut . He was hard to look at . His skin was a tan - ish color that looked like it had been spoiled in the sun a little bit too much . His hair was spiked to a point , bloody red . So red that . . . It looked like the blood of more than billions of fallen soldiers . And instead of something suitable , like a tux or something , he wore battle armor . Torn and bloodied , but it was battle armor . His hands were large and looked rough . He had a scar or two on his face . And his aura matched the color of the battle armor and even his hair . The woman , the man , and ten other people lined up largely covering the way for the students , they were all very tall , 50 feet each and they stood on a platform that seemed to have just appeared . I looked around ; we weren 't in the hallway that we had been in before . Instead , it was something different . It was a large area , fitting more than hundreds - to - thousands of eight grade students , and they weren 't even cramped , you could easily move around and build a swimming pool with the leftover space . It would 've been a very large swimming pool . There were chairs and all the students were sitting down , except Riko , Roxxane and I , who were standing like dumbfucks . When we realized everyone was sitting we did too . The ( teachers , I think ) were up on a platform a couple feet higher than where we were sitting . They shrunk a little bit now , until they were each around 15 - 18 feet . A man came up to where a microphone was , and began to talk , " We hail you , new eighth graders . We , as it has always been , will be your eighth grade teachers . I 'm the Principal , " He paused , giving anticipation to what he was saying . The man wasn 't exactly old . He had a white beard , but he also had a full head of white hair with a lightning bolt scar on his left arm . His skin was a bit sagging , but wasn 't too noticeable for he looked young . " Principal Zeus . " He said . " Now , some of you are new here , while others are repeating two grades . . . " Principal Zeus said , looking around the crowd and locking eyes with someone in the back . I , of course , turned around to see who it was , and only saw Toya . His hair down in his face , looking through his hairs at me . He went to wave his hand , but I turned around , Riko noticed this and whispered , " I don 't like him . " I looked at her and whispered back , " Maybe I don 't either . " Looking at him my stomach didn 't twist like I had expected . Instead , my stomach filled with butterflies of rage . Principal Zeus continued , " But that doesn 't matter . That 's the reason why we 're here . I don 't expect anything more than discipline from you eighth graders , understand ? " Everyone nodded , even Riko , who rolled her dark brown eyes at the same time giving no interest . Did I mention that his name was Zeus ? I gaped . I knew he had said it just a minute ago , but only now was when I was noticing . Only now was when I was thinking of it . Zeus was the mythological King of the Olympians . Or pretty much the first Olympian . His siblings had been swallowed by their father , Cronus , and Zeus had been the only one left . Zeus had been the youngest of his siblings , and the only that had not been swallowed whole by the King of the Titans , Cronus . But the stories much longer than just that . Zeus was raised by . . . Oh , I don 't remember . I 'm not a walking mythology book . Well , in the end , the Olympians , or the Gods , beat the Titans , and set free their brothers and sisters from Gaea . But , even though it 's a name , there was no way this dude was the real Zeus , was there ? It may seem odd , and I think it is . But , he might be the God . . . Zeus . That would explain the mark on his arm , and his beard , and even his appearance , which struck me as very familiar . Zeus pointed to us three , it surprised me , but Riko and Roxxane stood . Roxxane whispered for me to get up and so I did just that . I got up with them , and followed them up to the platform . I was very reluctant , to tell you the truth . I kept swallowing worryingly . And , I could feel the sweat slowly beating down my forehead . My hands got hotter , and I felt a surge of something . That 's when I realized that Riko and Roxxane had never gotten up , that they were staring at me from their seats , surprised and even worried . I was gasping and gaping now , more surprised and more worried than my best friends . Zeus looked down at me . And I looked up at him , " What ? " I asked my bravery obviously stupid . The man that was red was laughing , " Ares ! " Shouted Zeus . Again I gaped . Ares was the god of war , son of Zeus and Hera , and probably the youngest of his siblings , and even his half - siblings . Athena had been older than him , as well as Hephaestus , but Athena was the daughter of Zeus . Making Athena and Ares half - siblings . Well , anyways , I was surprised about hearing the name Ares . Of course , I didn 't know why I didn 't think that was his name . It was kind of obvious , you see . Ares was the god of blood - lust and war , making the red man him . Ares straightened , " Sorry , boss . " He said , a peculiar look on his face , like he couldn 't help but laugh , " But , sir , " He said , " You have to remember , she 's my daughter - " " I ' M YOUR WHAT ? ! ? ! " I screamed , breaking the boundaries of the once peaceful silence of the area , and I watched as heads looked up at me , Toya 's head had been the first . Not like I could care . The beautiful goddess smiled and turned to Ares , " Ares , remember she 's my daughter to . " She had beautiful voice . She was in no way a person I expected to be elegant , but more of a person I expected to has beauty and no flaws . She was Aphrodite . I could just tell . Her eyes , they were what told me that she was Aphrodite goddess of love and beauty . They were icy blue , they showed that they had the hearts of many people , and had broken the hearts of more than Ares had killed . I , even though my beauty is like hers , was astonished when she said that I to was her daughter . The bravery must 've come from Ares , and my beauty must 've come from Aphrodite . Aphrodite looked at me , a smile on her pretty face , " That 's right dear girl , you 're very special . " Aphrodite put her hand on my back and turned me to the crowd . Thousands of eighth graders staring at me . I wasn 't afraid of speaking in front of a crowd , not one bit . But , the way they stared at me , those eyes that told me they needed something from me , those eyes scared me . Aphrodite looked at the crowd , a smile on her face ; she was so bright and proud . I was nothing like that . Yes , at times I was bright and proud , but never at the same time . It was I was bright one day but I would have no pride . And I would be proud one day , but have no light , just a boring stare the bored others . " Dear eighth graders , " She said , " This , is the girl that will set up the New Olympians . Or , as everyone knows it , The New Set of Olympians , or TNSO . She is the daughter of love , born into war . She is the daughter of war , born from love . And she is perfect in every way possible , my mistakes have been erased , her beauty is truly more kind . And , I will soon retire as the Queen of Isla . I hope everyone will miss me . And , I know you all will . But , you can ask my heir for anything . " She pushed me a little and whispered to me , " Say something . " I whispered back , " Like what ? That I just found out that I 'm the leader of some group called TNSO ? That my parents are gods that abandoned me and made the only person that has ever loved me tell me lies ? Do you want me to tell them that you guys don 't exist ? That there is no such thing as the New Set of Olympians or that mythology isn 't real ? Or that my only friends probably won 't like me because of what you 've said ? Do you want me to lose everything ? Or do you want me to start over , like I never even met my best friends ? Do you think that would help me ? Huh ? Do you ? " My whispering tone had risen , and I was pretty much scream - whispering at her with anger . She put her hand on my shoulder , " You 'll know what to say dear child . Trust me . And what has been done was only for the good of humanity . I 'm glad you 're alright though . Believe what you must child . Just say something . " I turned around , facing all the eighth graders . I put my hands behind me , covering my black mini - skirt and I faced the crowd , " I 'm Demitra . And , apparently , I had been uninformed of the New Set of Olympians . I don 't know what the New Set of Olympians is , and I would tell you all I could about them if only it wasn 't for my inexistent knowledge on what they are . " I felt a tug in my heart ; through the corner of my eye I could see Toya . He was mouthing some words , and I was distracted for a moment , looking in his direction . Everyone looked to the back , and Toya started playing with his hair , yawning and acting bored . I could hear boys mutter and girls start to fawn . I ignored it and continued . But what he had said , I had understood . " But , something 's wrong here , isn 't there ? Something 's going on . And , you Olympians need the New Set of Olympians . But what are they supposed to do ? You just want to retire you lazy assholes . Or , let me guess , you guys can 't control yourselves . You guys aren 't able to get along with one another , so I 'm supposed to fix that by saving all your powers and energies inside of me . And , let me guess , you guys have used my body for this before in the past . I died from an overload after fighting Cronus with all of my powers . And now you lazy dicks want me to do it again , but this time you want me to succeed so you want me to find these people and put them in a group called The New Set of Olympians . But you don 't even know who they are , so you just expect me to send one of my friends out so they can find them , and so they can do it themselves ? Don 't you ? Well , here 's the thing , I 'm not lazy . I will send one of my friends to discover the Newest Olympians , but she ( or he ) will only have to find them . They don 't have to do anything but tell me who and where they are . And , unlike you dumbfucks , I will do the rest of the work . You guys can laze around all you want , I don 't really care . But , if you want me to do something , I 'm going to do it right . And , this time , I will not lose . " I looked over at Toya , he smiled . All the eighth graders stood , and I walked down the platform , past Riko and Roxxane who were calling out to me , and straight through the crowd to where Toya was . His arms were opened , and he was waiting for me . Four feet away from him I threw myself into his open arms and cried . " I don 't know what to do , Toya . " I told him . He combed my blonde hair down with his pale fingers , " It 's alright , Dem , you 'll know . I know you will . I 'm worried you won 't be able to hand what 's actually going on here . I wish I could help you . I really do , but it 's not my job , and they don 't let me help you . . . They don 't let me anywhere near you during school hours . " " Your parents , " he said , pointing to Aphrodite and Ares , who stood looking at us , " And my dad . " He pointed to a man with shoulder length midnight black hair . The man had the same eyes as Toya , completely midnight black eyes , almost like a black hole . He wore a black Greek Tunic , it touched the floor , and his hair seemed to have smoke coming from it . But the smoke ceased when my eyes realized to be on it . He had a small three - headed Rottweiler at his feet . Cerberus . I was gaping . He was Hades . The father of Toya was Hades , the God of the Underworld . " You 're like a precious diamond . No one 's allowed near you . I bet they 'll take you out of your house and take you to the palace instead , and I bet they won 't let you near anyone , until you get the throne that is . And , my father doesn 't like your parents , and your parents don 't like my father . It 's the truth . They don 't want us anywhere near each other . He touched my hair , " Me too . I only said that because Raven is blackmailing me . I 'll tell you why later . But she doesn 't let me break up with her . I hate her guts . She 's an emo that bothers me more than myself , but I 'm afraid she 'll hurt you . I don 't want that to happen . I 'm sorry . " He touched my cheeks and looked into my eyes . He leaned in closer . " Ooh ! What are you guys doing ? " Asked Roxxane out of nowhere . Toya and I pulled away , blushing hard , and blinking like crazy to get rid of the blush . Now , I look back and read Chapter Three again , my mouth is dropped open when it nears towards the end , and I think back to what Toya had said , what Toya had mouthed to me that had made me know everything all of a sudden . It 's actually really funny . . . Toya mouthed , with so much attention and discipline , " They 're idiots , come up with something . " I slowly realized that I hadn 't mentioned what he had said , and it was really funny how it just led up to me saying that . I feel stupid in my own way I admit . The eighth graders are standing , now , and rushing out of the doors , which I hadn 't even noticed were there . The eighth graders ran to their classes , Zeus screaming after them . I laughed a little . Riko smiled and said , " We have to go to class , guys . " I nodded , and gave her one of my playful looks , and said , " I know sweetie , I 'm sorry . " And then just as Riko and Roxxane laughed , so did me . It was pleasing to see my best friends laughing . It made me happy . Toya showed me a schedule , it had my name at the top and the classes below it , twelve classes in total , " Your first period is beauty , your mother is the teacher for that class , see ? " He pointed to the first period class , which said beauty , than slowly moved his finger to the numbers beside it ( the room number ) , and then again pointed to something beside the room number , it was a name , and the name was Aphrodite . Above Aphrodite 's name it said Teacher . Of course , I thought . Toya handed me the schedule and I looked at the classes . First period was beauty , Second period was war , Third period was marriage and children , Fourth period was health , Fifth period was arts / music , Sixth period was agriculture , Seventh period was reading / English , Eighth period was gym , Ninth period was math , Tenth period was . . . death ? , Eleventh period was science , and Twelve period was hunting . I didn 't understand what most of the things were , I had no idea what hunting , death , agriculture , beauty , and war were . I didn 't understand why they had to teach teenagers that stuff . ' " Do we have the same schedules ? " I asked Roxxane . She handed my schedule and I skimmed the classes , and we had all the same classes . I checked Riko 's too , and it was the same thing . We all had the same classes , and I was happy to go to twelve classes as long as Riko and Roxxane were there too . " Is your schedule that same , Toya ? " I asked him . With a happy look on my face , I talked to the girls while we followed Toya to our first period class . I felt bad for Toya . His first period class was " beauty " and , apparently , he 's a boy . " So , how 'd you know all of that , Demi ? " Riko asked me . She didn 't have to tell me what she was talking about , I knew it very well . And , I remembered very well how I knew all of that , I shrugged , " I don 't know . . . " I lied . I had hardly realized that my hair was now curled . I had sworn it was in pigtails that morning , if I was positive , but my hair was curled down now . I wouldn 't have realized it either if it hadn 't been for the mirror in the hallway . I just stopped , staring in the mirror . The mirror reflected me , but I had a feeling that it wasn 't me . It just didn 't look like me . At first , it had been my reflection , just staring at me with my icy eyes , but then it seemed to have morphed , changed . . . differed . I couldn 't help but stay in the one place . That 's when I realized it . It wasn 't me ! It was a teenager with dark red hair , which was straightened and let down . And from her hair , two pointy wolf ears stuck out , replacing her normal ears . Her eyes were dark red just like her hair . She wore knee - length shorts in dark red and tank top in dark red as well . Her ears were dark red and her tail was also dark red . Yet , her skin was pale . I wasn 't staring at myself ; I was staring at the girl . She was running , running fast through the woods , morphing and changing from a wolf to a girl . Someone was chasing her , at first I didn 't see them , but then I did . . . They were tall creatures , who didn 't seem to be running , rather walking after her , but they were all tall and pale , and all males . Roxxane put a hand on my shoulder , and I snapped back to reality , " Are you looking at yourself again ? " Roxxane 's voice asked , though I hardly bothered acknowledging her face , or even feeling her hand which rested on my shoulder . I gaped , " That 's not me ! " I said , pointing at the girl , the girl that was running , the girl in the mirror ! I knew it wasn 't me , I didn 't have dark red hair , I didn 't have dark red clothes ! I didn 't have a tail and ears , yet , Riko said she was ME ! I knew very well that that wasn 't true . " Don 't you guys see her ? The girl running through the woods ! The one that 's being chased by tall figures ! Don 't you see her ? ! " ' Riko pointed at the mirror , and it only had three faces . Mine , Riko 's and Roxxane 's . " It 's just us , Demi . What are you talking about ? " I knew Riko knew that I was lying , but I was afraid that she would 've thought I was wrong . I would 've understood that . To tell you the truth , I thought it was fake myself , a mirage . I don 't know . I didn 't think I cared much either , to tell you the truth . Yet , somehow , it was still stuck in my head . I couldn 't help wonder what those pale things were . I felt someone 's eyes on me , I looked up a little , and there was Toya , he was staring down at me , just staring down at me . He didn 't seem worried , or scared , or even mad , but yet he was looking at me with that scary intent his eyes . What happened next I will never forget ; As we locked eyes I heard his voice , but , his lips weren 't moving . He wasn 't talking or making any audible noises . And , what I heard him say , made me think and blush at the same time . He said things like , " She 's so beautiful " or " I can 't get her out of my mind " or " I love those icy eyes of hers " or even " I want her lips to press against mine , I want to see her blush and smile , but not for anyone else , for me , just for me . . . " That 's when I realized that he had been thinking that . He realized I was looking at him and he turned away , opening a pink door , and leading us into a more than pleasurable room . The room 's atmosphere was a beautiful soft pink , and it seemed so well lighted and bright . There were makeup stands and there were girls braiding each other 's hair . My eyes lit up . This was my type of place ! Everything about it was perfect ! From the pink carpet on the ground that was just hearts , to the pink - painted walls , to the pink bubbles floating around reflecting the faces of the girls and guys and what they would like after a makeover . My eyes turned into those anime eyes , those big happy anime eyes that had bubbles and stars shining from what they were seeing . My mouth was in a huge smile , and my hands were clasped up under my chin together , all in pure happiness . There was make - up and beauty supplies everywhere ! But there was nothing messy about it ! And there were little faires , tiny little faires with beautiful hair and beautiful skin , and beautiful tiny wings ! There were just to many faires to even describe . And they were carrying beauty supplies . Everyone was talking , gossiping , like girls y ' know ? But the best part ? The girls weren 't the only ones gossiping ! " OMG , Mike , did you hear about Kristen and Steve ? " I heard a guy ask . Yes , I was sure it was a guy , for when I turned around a guy was saying it to his friend , who , I guessed was Mike . Mike answered , " Oh my gawd ! What 'd they do ! " They had the gayest voices , but they were my people ! I couldn 't help but go over there and get in on the juciy gossip . The other guy answered , who , I soon found out is named James , " Well , gurl , so , Kristin was like home sick , and than that lousy Steve went over to Brenda 's house , but Brenda wasn 't there because she was over at Jake 's house , and Jake had Susan over because he didn 't know Brenda was coming over , and I have to tell you that Brenda is sooooo annoying ! I mean she just goes over to my house when Mike and I are together and we hardly get any time together . She 's sooo nosy ! " He looked me in the eye and leaned closer , " So , Brenda walked in on Jake , Jake 's her bf BTW , and Susan making out ! " Mike and James showed me their hands , which were wrapped together , " Yeah gurl . " They both said . They dropped their hands and got up , Mike first gave me air kisses , and then so did James . We screamed with glee , " YOU ' RE A GOSSIPER ! " We yelled in unison . We hugged each other in a group hug style and through air kisses back and forth . Mike and James were just as happy as I was . A gossiper was a group of boys or girls that gossiped during school hours and knew ALL the news about things that happened on or off of school grounds before anybody else . I had been a Gossiper at my old school . Though , I usually didn 't share the information that much . That 's when Toya grabbed me by the collar and dragged me along . He said , " You 're such a girl . " He mumbled something else under his breath about my idiocy and my being of a girl and other stupid stuff that only made me want to punch him . He sat me down beside him , and I looked around for Riko and Roxxane who were sitting next to each other a row behind us , Toya whispered to me , " I 'm not going to be stuck with one of the gay guy 's in this class or with one of the never - shutting up girls . I only know you and I 'm only sitting next to you . Get over it . " I moved in closer to him , grabbed him by the ear pulling him closer to my lips , " I have no problems with it , sweet heart . " I bit on his ear , and his blushed . I giggled a little under my breath , but everything seemed to quiet down when Toya was looking at me with the same content as before . He was leaning in , his lips reaching for my own . I was reaching up for his face when a hand slapped the table , and a beautiful face looked down at us enraged . From behind us everyone was whispering to each other , Mike and James whispering something to one another , and Riko leaning in and telling Roxxane something . I wish I had known what it was . It had an importance to the story , I just know it . I looked up at my mother , who , was now at the front of the class . " Hi everyone . I 'm your beauty teacher . It does not say it in your schedule 's but I am also your love teacher . Hope that change is alright with everyone . Now , let 's begin . Your first assignment of the year is to finish desgining your tunics . As everyone knows , your tunic is the color of your aura . Whenever you move in to your house , on your bed , lying there with a note , is your tunic . The tunic is always your favorite color , and it 's always the color that made you happy , sad , or all at once . Today we will finish designing your tunics . We will customize , and even re - design your tunic in your own way . You will also be asked to make a makeup pallet to match your tunic , for those of you who aren 't into the tunic bussiness , or for those who would like to do both . You can choose between the makeup pallet and the tunic , but either one must be turned in by Friday this week . " Aphrodite looked around the class , " You can pick a partner but you both must do the same thing . " Aphrodite said the final words , " Begin . " I turned around , " Rox , you mind if I partner with Toya ? You know he might as well fail this class if I don 't help him . I 'll help you guys too , I know you guys would fail without me . " ' Roxxane laughed , " It 's true . A ' nd , yeah , it 's cool you guys can be partners . Riko and I 'll just partner up . " He didn 't even think about the answer , " The tunic . " He said it so fast that it surprised me . I had had my mind set on creating a makeup pallet for myself , but if Toya wanted to make the tunic , that would 've been fine with me . It appeared in my hands , and made me wince quickly . It was a sleeveless Greek tunic in pure gold with a golden rose in the middle of it 's breasts holders . . . And , there was a letter . The letter was bound by a rose seal , and I opened it slowly . The letter read as following : You are the Charter Goddess , the goddess of everything . You are the perfect creation of two Gods . Your birth was no mistake young Demitra , it was meant to be , and hopefully you will except this gift . It 's your training tunic . It 's pretty much your first level tunic . As you get older , and more experienced the tunic will change on it 's own , along with your appearence . With each level that you pass the tunic that you are wearing will change and so will you . There is a level where you earn a mermaids tail and your tunic turns into a sea - shell bra , and there is another level where you morph into a fairy , you 'd earn fairy wings that change color , and your tunic changes to the prettiest thing ! I 'm getting ahead of myself . The rules state that each student is allowed one month of free clothing on the first month of school , the rest of the year you MUST wear the tunic . Change into this when you get it . Toya got up , and walked me over to some mannequins , I hadn 't noticed until now , but everyone ( that was standing around mannequins ) were wearing white tunics . I hadn 't seen anyone change into tunics , and was surprised by it . I walked over to Mike and James , " When did everyone change ? " I asked them . Mike answered , " 50 minutes ago , the beginning of class . Class is over in , " A bell rung , " Now . " Everyone was scurrying out of class , Roxxane and Riko met up with us , " Apparantly , " Roxxane started , " We 're supposed to finish either in class or at home . " I looked over at her , " Alright . Let 's see ! " Toya led us to the nearest female bathroom and directed us in , he had stayed outside , waiting . The bathroom was nice , the floor , which was usually tile , was a pink carpet , and the mirrors , which were usually just on tiles , were on a pink wall and made fit perfectly around mirrors , and the sinks , which were usually just white , gross , and nasty things , were painted a beautiful hot pink and looked like it had been put there 10 seconds ago . There were girls everywhere , all either blondes , red heads , or brunetts , all wearing cute fashionable outfits and clothing , from skirts , to tight tight tight tight tight skinny jeans , tank tops , to dresses . They were all very beautiful yet , this made me think twice , " Uck ! " One tall blonde said , " Get away ! We hate you emo dyed hair freaks ! " The tall blonde was obviously the leader , she walked over to me . Her hair was curled and her eyes were pale blue , yet very seductive . She wore a pink mini skirt and a pink tank top . Her lips were a perfect shade of red and her eyebrows were clipped very well . She wore a bucket of makeup , pink eyeshadow , blush , and had even made her foundation paler , yet she was very beautiful . She put one hand on her hip and pointed the other at me , " You know , sweetie , you 're very pretty , my name is Sophie Jason , you can be one of my little Preppies . Preppies are pretty girls born to Aphrodite , everyone is under my lead . " I gave her a smirk , " Listen , Miss Seductive , you 're no leader . You point out the mistakes of others , but sadly for you , I have no mistakes . You 're the only one with mistakes , for people that are mean and think they hold themselves right , are a mistake themself . I 'm no mistake , I 'm perfection . " Sophie gave me a death stare , " Oh , I know who you are , you 're Demi . The new girl . Well , this is my school , and I will make your time spent here miserable . " I nodded , " I hate girls that are beautiful but are horrible on the inside . I mean , what 's the point of being beautiful if your heart is cold , and you insult people ? What 's so good about that ? " Our second period class was war , and the moment we walked into class we were greeted by a sword thrown at our heads . Toya caught the sword before it hit anyone and he tossed it back at purple haired Raven . Raven made a face as if she was growling , and I laughed . Wikia is a free - to - use site that makes money from advertising . We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers Wikia is not accessible if you 've made further modifications . Remove the custom ad blocker rule ( s ) and the page will load as expected . Categories :
|
The day was normal , by standards , anyway . I woke up in the morning and dressed in the school uniform , a black mini skit and a white uniform shirt with a black bow . I stared at myself in the mirror . My long , golden blonde hair was let down to my knees . I rolled my eyes in disgust . I pulled my hair into two low ponytails , which lie on my shoulders patiently . My icy blue eyes looked at me ; I brightened my face with a smile . My light skin tone made people think I was American , and my voice made them think it too . Because , I had to accent from where I was born , distinguishing me as an American . But , in reality I was born in Balos , Crete , Greece on August 24th , midnight , 1996 . I shook some wondering thoughts out of my mind and grabbed my small , one shouldered black bag . I painted my nails quickly and slipped on my black high top converse and white knee length socks . I opened the door and walked out of my room . I strolled down the carpet staircase and made my way to the kitchen . Lex was at the stove . Wait , let me pause here for a second , Lex is my guardian . She has taken care of me ever sense I was three . My parents had died in a fire and she had taken me in with open arms , because she had known my parents very well . I had always been awestruck by Lex 's kindness . No matter how much trouble I had dragged myself into , she always seemed patient and always said that I should not have been the one to get in trouble . Lex has midnight black shoulder length hair and light blue eyes . Her skin tone is light like my own . She was short and yet she was curved , but then again , so was I . At the moment Lex wore an Ocean World t - shirt with some light blue jeans . Above her Ocean World t - shirt was a pale blue apron . She looked out at me and smiled . " Good morning , Demitra . Did you sleep well ? " I nodded . " Like a goddess , Lex . How about you , Lex ? " I asked her , my voice kind to her ever existent smile . She never seemed to lose that smile from her face . A kind motherly smile that promised an unspoken promise . She shook her head . " Not too well , Demi . " She paused and flipped the omelet in the air . " I had a headache . It was very bad and I kept on remembering Toya . " Toya . . . I hadn 't heard that name in a while . But I remembered very well who he was . Toya had been raised with me by Lex . He had always been two years older than little me , and at least forty feet taller . . . Yes that was a little farfetched , but he was tall even for a five year old . Toya had a gruesome birth mark across his chest . It was exactly a birth mark , but it marked his birth . It was a long thin shape , much like what you see when a lightning bolt hits the earth . It would start to burn and hurt him at times when Toya couldn 't control his anger . Toya had taken care of me . When Lex was sick , he took care of me . He had grown to be more than a friend . But then on my eleventh birthday , Toya was gone . No note , no nothing . I was sure he was dead , and had cried to Lex to find him , threw a tantrum when Lex said he had gotten old enough to take care of himself , and almost ran away looking for him . I had given up looking for him or remembering him , because it was too much of strain . When I 'd remember him I 'd remember how he 'd left us alone . " What about Toya ? " It sounded like a hiss from a snake , violent and powerful . Lex smiled , and put my omelet on my plate . She turned back and toasted some French bread on the stove as she had done with the omelet . " Oh , just a wonder . I still wonder where that boy went - " I shook my head , taking the plate . " He 's not a boy . " I sighed and shook my head ; I stared down , " He must be a man by now . " Lex laughed . " Of course not , he was only two years older than you were . " She looked over at the calendar on the wall . " Today is . . . " She stopped smiling and narrowed her eyes , then they turned huge , " April 21st . Toya 's birthday . " Lex grabbed the bread ; I slipped the omelet in between the two slices of bread . I ate the food , munching on the breakfast , ignoring Lex 's change of topic . I was still wondering what happened to Toya . Where had he gone ? Why did he leave without saying goodbye ? Why ? " Hey , D , " Roxxane , my best friend , said on the other line , " We 'll be walking to school together right ? Because Pallas wants to know ? " Pallas was Roxxane 's guardian . She too had been orphaned by a fire . At least , that 's what they tell us . I took one last bite from my breakfast and went out the door , waving goodbye to Lex and Winter . That reminds me , Winter is my pet dove . A dove I found one time when Roxxane , and some other friends and I were having a Night Hunt in the woods outside the houses . Now that we lived in America it was harder to do the Night Hunts ( Roxxane too was born in Greece , she is an hour older than me ) but we still had a wooded area outside of our houses that was large and could be easily used for the Night Hunts . Riko stood outside the door . She wore her black mini skirt and her silver chain hung down her skirt . Her usually messy hair was now combed to one side all together , making one side seem bald while the other had plenty of hair . Her single blue streak stuck out perfectly . Her hair was pitch black , and her eyes ? A really dark brown , that when you got closer , seemed to appear darker . Instead of the bow she wore the tie . She had a black backup , which she held with only one side . She nodded her head at me . " Yo , D . " Her skin tone was light brown . Riko shook her head , still frowning . " Nope . Don 't see it . " Riko was my second best friend . We were always together , though she was very much punk while I was more preppy and more of a beauty queen than you . I shrugged . Roxxane came up the sidewalk and looked over at us . Roxxane wore the same uniform . She wore gloves , which had been cut at the fingers , and she only wore one , in dark black . Her floor length black hair was streaked with two colored streaks , blue and red , earning her the title Firework . Her eyes were black , a lighter black than most but it was black . Her skin tone was pale . While she was very much Goth , she was still kind and willing to help others , that deserved to be too helped . We walked to school and before long we were in first period . I stared around the class , I had a feeling something was going to happen , but I didn 't know what . So , I kept looking . My eyes trailed the room , even to the back where the cutest boy in school , Michael , sat . Yet , this time I wasn 't as excited to see him as you might think I should 've been . I neglected his presence and kept looking . Math was a drag for me , and math was my first period , yet I still got an A + in that class as well as Roxxane . I turned to the front of the room when the teacher walked in . " Class , " Mrs . Mike said , " We have a new student . He isn 't from here so please treat him with respect . I am not quite sure if he speaks English or not , or if he speaks at all . He didn 't seem to want to talk to me . Oh , well , " I got excited again . I had a good feeling . And it was a good feeling ! " Please come in Mr . Haden . " The door opened . A tall boy , at least seven feet walked in . His eyes were completely black . Midnight black . His hair was pitch black and tossed to the side , revealing the dark eye shadow he had on . His nails were painted black , and something red ran down his lips . He wore skinny black jeans and a black tank top covered up by a black jacket . The black jacket was opened revealing of course what were the black tank top and a black key necklace . His skin was pale and his stare was black and dark . Yet , there was so many information you could read from his eyes . For instance , he had violence and cruelty in his eyes , but his eyes were also dark and compassionate . I just stared gaping . Mrs . Mike pointed for him to stand in front of the class . " Can you tell the class a little about yourself , Mr . Haden ? " The dude walked up to the front of the class . He looked around than locked eyes on me . He looked around the class again and began to talk . " My name 's Toya . " His voice was deep and familiar . He then nodded his head toward me . " Demi knows me . " I looked at him . I stood up and pointed at him furiously . " Yeah , I know you . You 're a jerk that left on my birthday without even saying good - bye . " Toya looked at me , he cocked his head to one side . " But it 's my birthday , Dem , you can 't leave on my birthday . " His eyes locked on me . I squinted . " Watch me . " I stormed out , pushing the chair hard into its normal position . Toya grabbed my arm before I could leave . He dragged me through a swirling current of stars and a picture of an island . Riko and Roxxane jumped in after me . " Let go of me you jerk ! " I yelled at him . He dropped my arm . We were standing on an island . It was hard to explain , I was sleepy and suddenly fell into a strange dizzy coma , I touched the ground , or at least , I thought I did . Then before long I was asleep . I dreamt very clearly about it . The dream was rounding around the first year I spent with Toya Black Haden . I had fallen asleep and it was probably midnight when Lex came to my door waking me up . " Sweetie , " She whispered , " Someone 's here to meet you . " I got up out of bed slowly , still a little bit sleepy but excited to meet someone new . I looked at myself in the mirror . My golden blonde hair was up in two pigtails and my icy blue eyes looked light and sleepy . At my bangs , I had none , just some stray hair here and there that went freely yet stayed in one place . The mirror was made out of mahogany stone carved with elegant carvings of myrtle trees and beautiful woman picking flowers from gardens , and men baring water from rivers and lakes . It was a quite beautiful mirror , though the glass which I looked at myself in was not as impressive . It was the reflection mirror of any type of regular mirror . I looked at my bed in the mirror . The sheets were golden . It was a small twin bed with another next to it , a couple feet away was the difference . The blanket , which I covered myself in cold nights , was a pale color . All of my clothes were in Lex 's room , because Lex didn 't have enough money to buy me my own separate drawers . I turned away from the room and yawned one time . I opened the door and skipped into the hallway of the house . Then I skipped to the living room . Lex was standing at the door ; the door was closed and locked . She turned to me and smiled . " Hello , Demi . " She pointed her hand to the door . " I 'd like you to meet someone . " The door opened and in walked a little boy . His eyes were completely black , no white areas or anything . He wore black skinny jeans and a black t shirt . I was short because I was three years old , but he must 've been older than me , because he was so tall . He had a black umbrella , folded , in his right hand . His hair was midnight black . He looked over at me and so did Lex . Lex smiled and said to me , " Demi , this is Toya . He will be living with us from now on . His parents don 't want him . Please be nice to him , Demi , he has been through a lot . " I smiled brightly and looked at him . He was tall and cute . I skipped over to him and shook his hand , which he had stretched out for me . When I shook his hand I realized he wasn 't that tall , or that short . He was the size of two ME 's on top of each other ( I was 2 feet tall exactly , making him 4 feet ) . He looked at me , " I 'm Toya Haden , nice to meet you , Demi . " I woke up ; I didn 't want to dream about it . Not anymore . When I woke up I found that I was in a dark room . The room wasn 't exactly dark or anything really . The walls were painted completely black , but you saw no whites , no edge of the room , nothing . And the planets were painted on the wall as well , but you could see no whites in the colors , nothing . But the most surprising part was that the planets and stars and galaxies were all moving together . I stared in awe . The bed was strange , it was like a group of stars under me , but I didn 't know why , it looked like a normal bed . It was a really soft bed , and the sheets and blanket were black with stars on them . The mirror was across the room , it looked like the mirror was floating in midair . But I knew very well it wasn 't . Oh well . I got out of bed and I felt like I was walking through space , it felt like there was no floor , and I was sure there wasn 't . I was wearing the same clothes I had worn to go to school the previous . . . what time was it ? I looked around the room for a window but there wasn 't one . The walls of the room changed all of a sudden . Instead of midnight black with stars and planets it changed to dawn light over a forest like field . Floating in the air was a clock . I got the clock and looked at the time . I was surprised . It was 2 : 00 AM . I heard a whistle . It was loud and it was focused on me . It was meant for me . I heard a shout . I didn 't understand the words but I ran around the room touching the wall . Than my hand squeezed around a door knob and I turned the door knob . The door opened and revealed an underwater hallway . The sides were like fish tanks . The water rippled on the side and fish and other water animals swam around . And not just on the sides but also on the roof and floor . I walked around the hallway was pretty clear to where it led . And there was a door at the end of the hallway , surprisingly ; it was a normal wooden door . I turned it and looked down at some stairs , they led down and another set of stairs led up . The bottom ones and the top ones looked like normal marble staircases with nothing odd or different . I walked down the bottom stairs and stared down at the floor . The floor looked like an earthquake had passed it completely . But it was like the bare Earth , and a large crack goes right through it . That 's what it had looked like . I tried to ignore the crack in the Earth and not step on it or fall into it . But of course I ended up stepping on it , I thought I was going to plummet to my death , but I didn 't . I walked through the hallway and finally made it to a large door . I still heard someone whistling . I found my bag on the floor beside the door , I picked it up . I ran out the door . The rolling green hills stretched out around me . I hadn 't gotten a good look at the place the first time I had passed out , but now everything was clear . The green hills outstretched and in the middle of the island , a paradise of stores and other areas unfolded . I could see an outstretching castle made of golden crystal . As I started in awe at the castle , which was much like a Victorian mansion , someone whistled again . I turned around and saw Toya standing on the sidewalk outside the house I had come from , I hadn 't moved far from it . I looked at him , and our eyes met . I felt bitter , and I was glad that I felt that way . " What do you want , Haden ? " I asked my voice strong . He was holding a black umbrella over his head , and he looked just about normal . Same pale skin , black hair , double ear piercings , and double lip piercings . His black eyes ; they were darker then I had remembered . Even though I was furious at him his eyes made me stop thinking about it . His eyes weren 't just true beauty ; they were a true work of art . They had no whites , it was just completely black . Midnight black . His eyes had always been like that , seemingly emotionless , but full of struggle . Persuasive , but yet unwilling . Hateful . . . yet loving . That was a lot to say . They were so full of every emotion , so full of passion and full of wanting . I wanted to be like . . . to not be afraid of what came to him , to be able to protect everyone , no matter how cruel or mean they had once been to him . He was so beautiful . . . the way he talked , the way he walked , the way he acted , the way he smiled . Oh - his smile ! The second thing that always had me in a trance , always , was his smile . Why was he so handsome ? I snapped out of it when he began talking . " My name 's Toya . Not Haden . Get it straight . " He said . Even though he had planned on being rude in those words , I was dazzled by the majesty of his voice . Deep , and ran slender . I flinched and didn 't breathe for some time , until I realized I was holding my breath . I breathed and angrily looked at Toya . " Listen , " I started , " Listen to me , Haden . I don 't care what your name is . I don 't care about jerks like you that leave someone without saying anything . So , leave me alone , Haden . " I was tearing up now , tears stung behind my icy blue eyes , threatening to fall . " What was it ? What was it ? ! You just didn 't think we were good enough to take care of you ? ! Did you think that after the time you spent with us , we would find it funny if you just got up and left ? ! ? " I shouted . I didn 't know what I was doing . I swear I didn 't . Words were just spilling from my mouth like the way a waved pulled in after an attack on land ; fast and angry . I said things that moment that I didn 't mean . And I thought that Toya was being insulted , and I wasn 't sure whether or not he was . I didn 't care . That 's when he hugged me . He pushed me close to his body , squeezing me by the neck , almost as if trying to choke me . " Demi , love isn 't to be played with . No matter how funny it is , it isn 't supposed to be toyed with . Demi , if people love each other they shouldn 't say mean things to each other . I 'm afraid that if I say what I feel for you than you will begin to think knots of me . And honestly - I don 't want that . " Toya said , and he continued , " I really didn 't want to leave ; I didn 't want to leave without saying goodbye . I didn 't want to see your face when I left . The truth is Demi ; I never had any thought in mind about leaving you . I didn 't think it would be fair to leave you without saying this much . " I blinked , surprised , and started crying . Toya had never said that to me . At least not that I could remember . But now he was telling me this , and at the same time he was hugging me . What did I feel for Toya that I didn 't feel for anyone else ? Love . Toya cradled me with love , and I shouldn 't have asked questions , or said mean things to him . But I couldn 't admit I was wrong , or that I was sorry . I was stubborn , and that 's how Toya liked it . Toya . I 've always liked that name . I asked him a stupid question , " Toya , " I started , " How come your mother is British , your father is Greek , your name is Japanese , and you speak in an American accent ? " He smiled and picked me off my feet . " You idiot ! We have to go to school now ! " He shouted still laughing , but I had no idea when he had started laughing . " Just follow me . " He reached out to grab my hand ; I flinched and moved away lightly , " Do you trust me ? " He asked his voice almost clear to disappointment . I looked at him , with one confused eyebrow , cocked up . " I do ? " And then shook my head , as if ignoring my previous statement , and repeated myself , " I do . " He looked around for a second , and I got a good look at him , at Toya . His hair was midnight black and always seemed to cover one eye , mainly the right one . His nails were painted midnight black , and his wardrobe was odd for Toya . Instead of black skinny jeans and a black tank top or t shirt or sweater , instead he wore a Greek male tunic in black , with a silver lining . He wore the Greek shoes , and I stared , and almost began to laugh , if it wasn 't for his emo face , I wouldn 't have been able to take him seriously . His angular face made me gape , and sometimes even stare . It was surprising ; I liked no one 's beauty but my own . But when I was around him . . . my heart would go in twists , my stomach would flutter , and my eyes would bubble . He was beautiful , and that was a lot coming from me . " Hey , " He said , " Wake up ! " Toya shouted . I snapped back to reality , and looked at Toya . He was staring down at me with sharp eyes . " Come on , " He said , " I have to take you to school , or else Zeus will kill me . " He started leading me through island - like place . I was distracted looking around . It was a beautiful place . Green hills rolled by , here and there , beautiful strange flowers grew . The flowers were multicolored and they looked a lot like a lotus . They had these strange curling little things , which , I can 't really explain what it looked like , but it looked at bit like an extremely thin , and the seemed to be wilting almost . The flower itself was in fact beautifully living . I saw purple ones and green ones , red ones and pink ones , blue ones and maroon ones , black ones and silver ones . It was actually rather pretty to look at . I even tried to reach for one ; it was one that had caught my eye . It was a beautiful golden lotus a lot like the others , but seemed to have a fuller form . The problem was it was on the leaf of a tree . I stared in awe , and I stretched up to reach it , but I couldn 't , I jumped and jumped , but nothing . Then all of a sudden Toya grabbed it . I took it with a light expression and cupped it in my hands . My eyes lit up . I loved flowers , actually , not that much . What I loved was the lotuses and how they were beautiful . But this one , this one was more beautiful than the normal ones . I stared at it and kept walking along with Toya , but I tripped suddenly , over something . Toya 's hand grabbed me and pulled me back up . I stared at Toya , surprised . He was holding my hand , not letting go . He walked me along , holding my hand the entire way . Toya 's hand was cold and I wondered if his face was cold too . I just looked down at our hand ; my warm hand squeezed his cold one . His hand was surprisingly soft , like mine . He looked down at me and smiled , I felt my face turn red . And I thought that moment would last forever when all of a sudden someone screamed , " TOYA ! " It was a girl 's voice , and she did not sound too happy . Toya and I turned around and I watched as a purple haired girl came over to us . She looked emo and her hair was died completely purple , I wasn 't sure whether or not her hair was naturally that color , but I didn 't seem to care . Her eyes were deadly focused on me , and then they moved to Toya with a bigger group of true anger . She gritted her teeth , " What the hell are you doing holding that girls hand ! ? " She screamed angrily . I looked over at Raven , to see what she would say , and she said , " Drop her hand ! " She shouted , but Toya was reluctant to do it , and when she saw his reluctance she turned purple , and I don 't mean her disgusting hair , " I said , DROP HER HAND ! ! ! ! ! ! " This time angrier than ever . Toya dropped my hand , and I stared at my hand . Raven was angry . She wore a one sided Greek tunic in purple and purple tennis shoes . She had scars running up and down her arms from times of distress , times where she had cut herself . Her legs were scarred too , probably from the same reason . It was hard to tell who was more intimidating , Toya , or this chick . Probably Toya though . He had the beautiful eyes and the cruel smile , but aside from that , I knew very well that Toya was capable of anything when he was angry . Mainly from experience . " I don 't believe you ! Do you like this preppy girl or something ? ! " She pointed to me , her finger in my face with an annoying stance . Toya was red now ; his eyes seemed to have fire coming from them , " I DON ' T LIKE HER ! ! ! " He said it so simply . With . . . he said it . He said it . I was confused . I thought we felt the same way about one another . Didn 't we ? I felt the strange feelings for him ! I felt love for him ! Why didn 't he feel the same way for me ? I gaped , " You don 't ? Not even . . . a little ? But , I thought , I thought we were more than friends . . . Aren 't we ? You don 't like me . . . ? " I was walking back now , scared , stunned , and . . . Lost . I couldn 't hold my feelings in . And , this , this was why I had been so rude to him ! Tears ran down my cheeks and he looked at me , " No , Dem , that 's not what I - " I slapped him , " Don 't you ever call me Dem again ! Dem is the name my friends call me by ! " I paused , " You are not my friend ! And you never will be ! " He reached up and touched the mark on his cheek from the slap I had given him . He stared at me now . His black umbrella was above his head covering him from an inexistent rain . " But . . . " His voice faded away . But , before long , I ran into someone . I looked up to say sorry , and was surprised at what I saw . It was a young girl , her hair into pigtails , and her hair was curled . She looked cute , like a Porcelain doll . Except , her hair was white and so were her eyes . The little girl 's eyes were a lot like Toya 's eyes , they had no pupils or any other areas , hers were just white . She had a sad look on her face , but a cute smile the protruded from it . I was still crying and that little girl cocked her head at me , " What 's wrong miss ? " Her voice was gentle and quiet ; I was going to ask her to repeat herself , except the words became a little clearer to me . I stood up straighter , and sniffled , " Nothing is wrong , little girl . Don 't worry . " I looked around and took the little girls hand , " Now , where are your parents ? " I had stopped crying now and held the soft , cold hand of the little girl . The little girl was pale and she wore a female Greek tunic , much like the one Raven had worn , except hers was in white . Hers was sleeveless and held up by a white gemstone . Bows held her hair up , and the bows were white . She was a cute little girl , and the cute little smile on her face made me forget my sadness , but she was cold . Her hand . It was freezing , a lot like Toya . The little girl reminded me of someone , but I 'm not sure who . She looked around , and then back at me , " My mamas angry at my papa , my papa said mean things . My papa said he didn 't love my mama , so mama ran away crying . My sissy went with my mama , and I just stood there , I wasn 't going with papa . Papa doesn 't deserve it . But , I want to be with sissy . " I blinked , " That 's sounds an awful lot like what just happened to me . Except I don 't have any kids . " I was still holding the cute little girls hand , but this time with a little more thought in my mind , " You want me to help you look for your sissy ? " I asked her , flipping a strand of blonde hair out of my face , my blue eyes making eye - to - eye contact with her white ones . I made a weak smile to the little girl , " I 'll try , sweetie , " She held onto my hand a little tighter , her big eyes staring at me . She looked a lot like me , curly hair , big eyes , and a cute smile . I wondered who her parents were . Her mother must 've been beautiful , and her father must 've been very handsome , yet very cruel . I wonder what her sister looked like , and if her sister was as cute as her . Maybe not . I walked her around , holding her hand the whole time , and pointing out people that looked old enough to be parents but she kept shaking her head and saying that they were too young to be her mommy . So , I started pointing out males and she kept shaking her head and saying her daddy was allergic to sunlight . That part surprised me , " What 's your name , little girl ? " I asked her . She smiled up at me , " You should know by now . " Her voice was so mysterious now , so . . . vacant . And she seemed to have curled her lips into smile ; it was a smile that made me think of Toya . Who was this girl ? Then it hit me , something I didn 't expect , a little girl stood behind me , watching me . I turned around and saw the little girl . She had the same eye types that the other little girl did , except hers were bloody red as well as her hair and dress . Unlike the other little girl , who was pale , this girl had light - orange skin , and a cold smile . Her red eyebrows were narrowed over her eyes and she cocked her head at me . I had a feeling this was the little girls sissy . They looked much alike , they wore the same dress in different colors , and they were the same height and seemed to acknowledge each other with smiling eyes . They ran to hug one another and then each smiled at me , the red one in her evil form , and the white one in her sad form . The girls skipped away happily holding each other 's hand , and singing Family Portrait by P ! nk . I just stared out looking at them . I wondered who could 've birthed girls more perfect in Yin and Yan Chinese characteristics , ( I mean that one looked sweet and good , while the other looked evil and mischievous ) . I stood there , wondering what their names were . As I stood there someone touched my shoulder . I looked up and saw Riko and Roxxane , " Hey , " Riko said , her half bald head in the same style it was this morning . . . or last night . . . or . . . I don 't remember ! Roxxane looked the same too , except her untamed her was set free , scraping the ground . I stared at them and Roxxane smiled , " Hey , D , " She said , pausing to continue , " We have to go school here now . " She pointed her hand around , introducing me to everything , even though I had already seen everything , " This is our new home . " " You 're kidding ! " I said . My surprise , and anger , was growing . I flipped a large amount of blonde hair out of my face , my icy blue eyes focused on my best friends . Roxxane reached out to grab my hand , " I 'm sorry , Demi , " She said , " But we can 't go back to live with Pallace , or Lex , or even Nagashi . They can 't help us . " Roxxane was being honest , her voice , everything . Why was Roxxane telling me this ? Roxxane and Riko looked at each other , sad looks in their eyes , Riko came over to me , she took my hand from Roxxane and looked into my eyes sadly , " Demi , " She said , " Our guardians are gone . Nowhere in sight . Not here . Not anywhere . It 's like . . . " She paused , " Like they never existed . " " W - w - w - w - w - w - w , " I repeated , until it came out , " What ? " I asked , my voice cracking and faulting . " B - b - b - b - b - but , where did they g - g - g - g - go ? " I asked . Another look at each other . They hugged me , a tight hug and I just blinked . " Demi , " Riko said , " Let 's just go to school , we can explain everything there . " They led me through a bunch of grassy hills and through a bunch of gardens that had multiple colors of flowers , the house that I had been in when I woke up was large and behind it were other houses with other kids coming out . And it seemed to be the same for everything else . I saw something glassy sort of move around in front of my house and seemed to go around all the other houses behind my own . Next to my house there was another one that was probably the same size , except there was only one of those , and that one was completely black and silver . I wondered who lived there , in such a dark house . I shrugged . On the other side of my house was a pink - like area with a bunch of pink lotuses and hearts floating around , I rolled my eyes . I hated lovey - dovey crap like that . Mainly because boys at my school would always appear to me with roses and love notes . I would smile and pretend I liked it , and at first I had , but I had gotten tired of all that kind of crap . I started humming . " You 'll probably move right through . . . " I hummed . The song was Paralyzer by Finger Eleven and I don 't know why but I could imagine Toya singing it to me . I could see him yelling that lyrics at me . And I don 't know why , even though he had rejected me , I still imagined us together . Maybe it was just my mind . I don 't know . But to tell you the truth I really was still mad , " Me on my way to you ! You 'll probably move right through ! " Riko looked over at Roxxane , and then back at me , " Do you guys think Ryuske is here to ? Some guys tried to take us yesterday and I haven 't seen him sense . I 'm not sure where he is . Do you guys think he 's at school ? " She asked . Riko and Ryuske were twins but Ryuske was a boy . They were related and Riko couldn 't live without Ryuske . " I 'm worried . " He was older , Ryuske I mean . He was older than Riko by a couple seconds and they had looked almost identical . Riko considered Nagashi her mother , always calling her mother . I on the other hand considered her as her guardian because I didn 't think Nagashi was capable of making Riko and Ryuske . And you may think , what the hell does this have to do with anything ? Well , it 's important to me . I walked over to her , " I know you 're worried about him , Riko , who wouldn 't be ? " I grabbed her hand , " But don 't worry , I 'm sure he 's the one worrying about you . And , plus , Ryuske can take care of himself . He 's a tough guy . " I smiled . Roxxane rolled her eyes with a smile across her black lips . That 's when a large bell rang , " Shit ! " Roxxane yelled , " That 's the school bell c ' mon ! " We started running . I followed them and a giant group of other kids as they ran to an overwhelmingly large looking place . At first I didn 't know what it was then I started realizing what it was . It looked a lot like a castle , with at least eleven other ones all around . One had a giant number 1 on it , and another one with a giant 2 , and it kept going on like that . I counted 12 in total . I thought it was a group of palaces , because it looked just like that . But , on the contrary , they were schools . I looked around , the sun was up . Just coming up though . Riko turned around and shouted , " Come on , Demi ! Stop describing crap in your head and run ! " I gave her a smirk look . Riko knew very well that I had been describing every part of the " schools " and I was still thinking about how to describe it . I ran a little faster this time , following Riko and Roxxane who kept running , such speed they made the dirt fly . Roxxane had always been the slower of us three , and Riko had always been the fastest , I had been able to catch up with Riko all the time , but she had always been miles faster than me . I never thought I would be the one way behind , I had thought it would 've been Roxxane , I guess I was wrong . I ran a little faster and faster trying to catch up with them , and when I finally did I was in between them . Riko looked over at me and pointed to the twelve buildings , " Every morning , Demi , we go to the 8th building . We go to the 8th building until we go to 9th grade , then we go to the 9th building . It works like that and we should just get used to it , alright ? That 's our school . While you were with Toya , or whoever , Roxxane and I got a tour from some guy named Drew . He showed us around the school , and introduced us to some . . . Gods - " Roxxane had stopped running , and I was still running , but then they both stopped and walked casually , so I stopped too , looking like a dumb ass . " Well , you see , we 're not . . . normal , Demi . Our parents didn 't die . Our parents weren 't filthy rich humans . We 're very different . " Riko yawned , " Roxxane and I are half - god half - human . Well , I think Roxxane is . Hers is complicated . So is mine , but mine 's simpler to understand . Drew didn 't tell us what you were ; he said that was Toya 's job . By the way , who 's Toya , and why the Hell do I hate him so much ? I haven 't even met him but I already don 't like him . " " He 's my childhood friend . He left without saying good - bye on my 11th birthday . That year , entering 6th Grade , I started hanging out with you guys . So , even though it hurt , I guess him leaving wasn 't all that bad . He 's two years older than me , he 's such a smartass sometimes and that gets me mad . " I told them , hardly giving my words a story , or a voice , or anything of such interest , just monotone . Large double doors , like the doors of a castle , opened up . The doors were gold and silver , much like the other ones that were also open . There were twelve doors open from each of the twelve schools . We squeezed through the doors , yes the doors were large , but there were thousands of people going through the same doors . And I 'm not kidding . There were thousands of people trying to get into the school . I wasn 't even sure it was the right school until I saw kids the same age as us . " Is this the right school ? " I asked Roxxane . I looked around , it was the truth . The number 8 itself was on both sides of the wall . The wall was pure toper and felt soft to the touch . The roof was the same toper stone , but a little rougher so that rain couldn 't seep through . The floor on the other hand was carpet , odd ; in most middle schools it was floor . But the floor was carpet with another carpet on top of it . The carpet on top of it was a giant , Victorian 8 . It was quite beautiful , I admit . I would 've enjoyed very well staying there forever just staring at the carpet itself . But , I couldn 't ! There were more things that were probably just as beautiful as it . I was right ! Instead of lights there were fire burning posts on the wall . " Alright . " I managed to tear my eyes from the hallway of the school , and actually look around at the rest . The doors where we had come through were beautiful and interact in designs , and I couldn 't help but stare in awe , wondering , who was able to make such beautiful doors . Too much for words , really . And , even if I had a dictionary in hand , I would not be able to describe every detail of the doors , not even a single detail if I tried . I followed Riko and Roxxane through the hallway , as well as a bunch of other students that were going in the same direction . Though , others were going in the other direction , crowding one another just to get through . Then , more people rummaged through . Except they were all tall , well built , and beautiful with glowing auras , and faces . . . Oh the faces were amazing . There were faces quite old with beards , and there were faces with no mistakes and pure beauty . There was a woman ; she was tall and shaped like an hourglass . She had a good - figure , and a very well built body . She wore a floor - length hot pink tunic , sleeveless , and her face was perfect . Free of blemishes , and free of scars . It made me wonder how such a woman could look so beautiful , because I knew for a fact that she must 've been quite old . I could somehow just tell . Her hair was a lot like mine , long and a curly golden - blonde . The problem with her was that she had every male on her tail . No , she didn 't have a tail , but the men that had also come , old and young , were at her pink heels with smiles on their faces . Her hair was braided ; too , did I forget to mention that ? Her hair was braided to the back , over her head , and the braids made a golden heart . She was really beautiful . Her aura was a super - hot pink , and no matter what I did I couldn 't stop from staring . She had bigger breasts than Double - D breasts . And , I had always thought that such big breasts would make a woman look old , but on the contrary , they made her look more beautiful . It may have been possible that I was a bit jealous . . . Just a bit . I would 've been more jealous to , because of this part . A bulk - man . And when I say bulk I mean more muscles than Hulk . Yeah . Well , he was beside her . His skin , unlike hers , was scarred . Hurt , cut . He was hard to look at . His skin was a tan - ish color that looked like it had been spoiled in the sun a little bit too much . His hair was spiked to a point , bloody red . So red that . . . It looked like the blood of more than billions of fallen soldiers . And instead of something suitable , like a tux or something , he wore battle armor . Torn and bloodied , but it was battle armor . His hands were large and looked rough . He had a scar or two on his face . And his aura matched the color of the battle armor and even his hair . The woman , the man , and ten other people lined up largely covering the way for the students , they were all very tall , 50 feet each and they stood on a platform that seemed to have just appeared . I looked around ; we weren 't in the hallway that we had been in before . Instead , it was something different . It was a large area , fitting more than hundreds - to - thousands of eight grade students , and they weren 't even cramped , you could easily move around and build a swimming pool with the leftover space . It would 've been a very large swimming pool . There were chairs and all the students were sitting down , except Riko , Roxxane and I , who were standing like dumbfucks . When we realized everyone was sitting we did too . The ( teachers , I think ) were up on a platform a couple feet higher than where we were sitting . They shrunk a little bit now , until they were each around 15 - 18 feet . A man came up to where a microphone was , and began to talk , " We hail you , new eighth graders . We , as it has always been , will be your eighth grade teachers . I 'm the Principal , " He paused , giving anticipation to what he was saying . The man wasn 't exactly old . He had a white beard , but he also had a full head of white hair with a lightning bolt scar on his left arm . His skin was a bit sagging , but wasn 't too noticeable for he looked young . " Principal Zeus . " He said . " Now , some of you are new here , while others are repeating two grades . . . " Principal Zeus said , looking around the crowd and locking eyes with someone in the back . I , of course , turned around to see who it was , and only saw Toya . His hair down in his face , looking through his hairs at me . He went to wave his hand , but I turned around , Riko noticed this and whispered , " I don 't like him . " I looked at her and whispered back , " Maybe I don 't either . " Looking at him my stomach didn 't twist like I had expected . Instead , my stomach filled with butterflies of rage . Principal Zeus continued , " But that doesn 't matter . That 's the reason why we 're here . I don 't expect anything more than discipline from you eighth graders , understand ? " Everyone nodded , even Riko , who rolled her dark brown eyes at the same time giving no interest . Did I mention that his name was Zeus ? I gaped . I knew he had said it just a minute ago , but only now was when I was noticing . Only now was when I was thinking of it . Zeus was the mythological King of the Olympians . Or pretty much the first Olympian . His siblings had been swallowed by their father , Cronus , and Zeus had been the only one left . Zeus had been the youngest of his siblings , and the only that had not been swallowed whole by the King of the Titans , Cronus . But the stories much longer than just that . Zeus was raised by . . . Oh , I don 't remember . I 'm not a walking mythology book . Well , in the end , the Olympians , or the Gods , beat the Titans , and set free their brothers and sisters from Gaea . But , even though it 's a name , there was no way this dude was the real Zeus , was there ? It may seem odd , and I think it is . But , he might be the God . . . Zeus . That would explain the mark on his arm , and his beard , and even his appearance , which struck me as very familiar . Zeus pointed to us three , it surprised me , but Riko and Roxxane stood . Roxxane whispered for me to get up and so I did just that . I got up with them , and followed them up to the platform . I was very reluctant , to tell you the truth . I kept swallowing worryingly . And , I could feel the sweat slowly beating down my forehead . My hands got hotter , and I felt a surge of something . That 's when I realized that Riko and Roxxane had never gotten up , that they were staring at me from their seats , surprised and even worried . I was gasping and gaping now , more surprised and more worried than my best friends . Zeus looked down at me . And I looked up at him , " What ? " I asked my bravery obviously stupid . The man that was red was laughing , " Ares ! " Shouted Zeus . Again I gaped . Ares was the god of war , son of Zeus and Hera , and probably the youngest of his siblings , and even his half - siblings . Athena had been older than him , as well as Hephaestus , but Athena was the daughter of Zeus . Making Athena and Ares half - siblings . Well , anyways , I was surprised about hearing the name Ares . Of course , I didn 't know why I didn 't think that was his name . It was kind of obvious , you see . Ares was the god of blood - lust and war , making the red man him . Ares straightened , " Sorry , boss . " He said , a peculiar look on his face , like he couldn 't help but laugh , " But , sir , " He said , " You have to remember , she 's my daughter - " " I ' M YOUR WHAT ? ! ? ! " I screamed , breaking the boundaries of the once peaceful silence of the area , and I watched as heads looked up at me , Toya 's head had been the first . Not like I could care . The beautiful goddess smiled and turned to Ares , " Ares , remember she 's my daughter to . " She had beautiful voice . She was in no way a person I expected to be elegant , but more of a person I expected to has beauty and no flaws . She was Aphrodite . I could just tell . Her eyes , they were what told me that she was Aphrodite goddess of love and beauty . They were icy blue , they showed that they had the hearts of many people , and had broken the hearts of more than Ares had killed . I , even though my beauty is like hers , was astonished when she said that I to was her daughter . The bravery must 've come from Ares , and my beauty must 've come from Aphrodite . Aphrodite looked at me , a smile on her pretty face , " That 's right dear girl , you 're very special . " Aphrodite put her hand on my back and turned me to the crowd . Thousands of eighth graders staring at me . I wasn 't afraid of speaking in front of a crowd , not one bit . But , the way they stared at me , those eyes that told me they needed something from me , those eyes scared me . Aphrodite looked at the crowd , a smile on her face ; she was so bright and proud . I was nothing like that . Yes , at times I was bright and proud , but never at the same time . It was I was bright one day but I would have no pride . And I would be proud one day , but have no light , just a boring stare the bored others . " Dear eighth graders , " She said , " This , is the girl that will set up the New Olympians . Or , as everyone knows it , The New Set of Olympians , or TNSO . She is the daughter of love , born into war . She is the daughter of war , born from love . And she is perfect in every way possible , my mistakes have been erased , her beauty is truly more kind . And , I will soon retire as the Queen of Isla . I hope everyone will miss me . And , I know you all will . But , you can ask my heir for anything . " She pushed me a little and whispered to me , " Say something . " I whispered back , " Like what ? That I just found out that I 'm the leader of some group called TNSO ? That my parents are gods that abandoned me and made the only person that has ever loved me tell me lies ? Do you want me to tell them that you guys don 't exist ? That there is no such thing as the New Set of Olympians or that mythology isn 't real ? Or that my only friends probably won 't like me because of what you 've said ? Do you want me to lose everything ? Or do you want me to start over , like I never even met my best friends ? Do you think that would help me ? Huh ? Do you ? " My whispering tone had risen , and I was pretty much scream - whispering at her with anger . She put her hand on my shoulder , " You 'll know what to say dear child . Trust me . And what has been done was only for the good of humanity . I 'm glad you 're alright though . Believe what you must child . Just say something . " I turned around , facing all the eighth graders . I put my hands behind me , covering my black mini - skirt and I faced the crowd , " I 'm Demitra . And , apparently , I had been uninformed of the New Set of Olympians . I don 't know what the New Set of Olympians is , and I would tell you all I could about them if only it wasn 't for my inexistent knowledge on what they are . " I felt a tug in my heart ; through the corner of my eye I could see Toya . He was mouthing some words , and I was distracted for a moment , looking in his direction . Everyone looked to the back , and Toya started playing with his hair , yawning and acting bored . I could hear boys mutter and girls start to fawn . I ignored it and continued . But what he had said , I had understood . " But , something 's wrong here , isn 't there ? Something 's going on . And , you Olympians need the New Set of Olympians . But what are they supposed to do ? You just want to retire you lazy assholes . Or , let me guess , you guys can 't control yourselves . You guys aren 't able to get along with one another , so I 'm supposed to fix that by saving all your powers and energies inside of me . And , let me guess , you guys have used my body for this before in the past . I died from an overload after fighting Cronus with all of my powers . And now you lazy dicks want me to do it again , but this time you want me to succeed so you want me to find these people and put them in a group called The New Set of Olympians . But you don 't even know who they are , so you just expect me to send one of my friends out so they can find them , and so they can do it themselves ? Don 't you ? Well , here 's the thing , I 'm not lazy . I will send one of my friends to discover the Newest Olympians , but she ( or he ) will only have to find them . They don 't have to do anything but tell me who and where they are . And , unlike you dumbfucks , I will do the rest of the work . You guys can laze around all you want , I don 't really care . But , if you want me to do something , I 'm going to do it right . And , this time , I will not lose . " I looked over at Toya , he smiled . All the eighth graders stood , and I walked down the platform , past Riko and Roxxane who were calling out to me , and straight through the crowd to where Toya was . His arms were opened , and he was waiting for me . Four feet away from him I threw myself into his open arms and cried . " I don 't know what to do , Toya . " I told him . He combed my blonde hair down with his pale fingers , " It 's alright , Dem , you 'll know . I know you will . I 'm worried you won 't be able to hand what 's actually going on here . I wish I could help you . I really do , but it 's not my job , and they don 't let me help you . . . They don 't let me anywhere near you during school hours . " " Your parents , " he said , pointing to Aphrodite and Ares , who stood looking at us , " And my dad . " He pointed to a man with shoulder length midnight black hair . The man had the same eyes as Toya , completely midnight black eyes , almost like a black hole . He wore a black Greek Tunic , it touched the floor , and his hair seemed to have smoke coming from it . But the smoke ceased when my eyes realized to be on it . He had a small three - headed Rottweiler at his feet . Cerberus . I was gaping . He was Hades . The father of Toya was Hades , the God of the Underworld . " You 're like a precious diamond . No one 's allowed near you . I bet they 'll take you out of your house and take you to the palace instead , and I bet they won 't let you near anyone , until you get the throne that is . And , my father doesn 't like your parents , and your parents don 't like my father . It 's the truth . They don 't want us anywhere near each other . He touched my hair , " Me too . I only said that because Raven is blackmailing me . I 'll tell you why later . But she doesn 't let me break up with her . I hate her guts . She 's an emo that bothers me more than myself , but I 'm afraid she 'll hurt you . I don 't want that to happen . I 'm sorry . " He touched my cheeks and looked into my eyes . He leaned in closer . " Ooh ! What are you guys doing ? " Asked Roxxane out of nowhere . Toya and I pulled away , blushing hard , and blinking like crazy to get rid of the blush . Now , I look back and read Chapter Three again , my mouth is dropped open when it nears towards the end , and I think back to what Toya had said , what Toya had mouthed to me that had made me know everything all of a sudden . It 's actually really funny . . . Toya mouthed , with so much attention and discipline , " They 're idiots , come up with something . " I slowly realized that I hadn 't mentioned what he had said , and it was really funny how it just led up to me saying that . I feel stupid in my own way I admit . The eighth graders are standing , now , and rushing out of the doors , which I hadn 't even noticed were there . The eighth graders ran to their classes , Zeus screaming after them . I laughed a little . Riko smiled and said , " We have to go to class , guys . " I nodded , and gave her one of my playful looks , and said , " I know sweetie , I 'm sorry . " And then just as Riko and Roxxane laughed , so did me . It was pleasing to see my best friends laughing . It made me happy . Toya showed me a schedule , it had my name at the top and the classes below it , twelve classes in total , " Your first period is beauty , your mother is the teacher for that class , see ? " He pointed to the first period class , which said beauty , than slowly moved his finger to the numbers beside it ( the room number ) , and then again pointed to something beside the room number , it was a name , and the name was Aphrodite . Above Aphrodite 's name it said Teacher . Of course , I thought . Toya handed me the schedule and I looked at the classes . First period was beauty , Second period was war , Third period was marriage and children , Fourth period was health , Fifth period was arts / music , Sixth period was agriculture , Seventh period was reading / English , Eighth period was gym , Ninth period was math , Tenth period was . . . death ? , Eleventh period was science , and Twelve period was hunting . I didn 't understand what most of the things were , I had no idea what hunting , death , agriculture , beauty , and war were . I didn 't understand why they had to teach teenagers that stuff . ' " Do we have the same schedules ? " I asked Roxxane . She handed my schedule and I skimmed the classes , and we had all the same classes . I checked Riko 's too , and it was the same thing . We all had the same classes , and I was happy to go to twelve classes as long as Riko and Roxxane were there too . " Is your schedule that same , Toya ? " I asked him . With a happy look on my face , I talked to the girls while we followed Toya to our first period class . I felt bad for Toya . His first period class was " beauty " and , apparently , he 's a boy . " So , how 'd you know all of that , Demi ? " Riko asked me . She didn 't have to tell me what she was talking about , I knew it very well . And , I remembered very well how I knew all of that , I shrugged , " I don 't know . . . " I lied . I had hardly realized that my hair was now curled . I had sworn it was in pigtails that morning , if I was positive , but my hair was curled down now . I wouldn 't have realized it either if it hadn 't been for the mirror in the hallway . I just stopped , staring in the mirror . The mirror reflected me , but I had a feeling that it wasn 't me . It just didn 't look like me . At first , it had been my reflection , just staring at me with my icy eyes , but then it seemed to have morphed , changed . . . differed . I couldn 't help but stay in the one place . That 's when I realized it . It wasn 't me ! It was a teenager with dark red hair , which was straightened and let down . And from her hair , two pointy wolf ears stuck out , replacing her normal ears . Her eyes were dark red just like her hair . She wore knee - length shorts in dark red and tank top in dark red as well . Her ears were dark red and her tail was also dark red . Yet , her skin was pale . I wasn 't staring at myself ; I was staring at the girl . She was running , running fast through the woods , morphing and changing from a wolf to a girl . Someone was chasing her , at first I didn 't see them , but then I did . . . They were tall creatures , who didn 't seem to be running , rather walking after her , but they were all tall and pale , and all males . Roxxane put a hand on my shoulder , and I snapped back to reality , " Are you looking at yourself again ? " Roxxane 's voice asked , though I hardly bothered acknowledging her face , or even feeling her hand which rested on my shoulder . I gaped , " That 's not me ! " I said , pointing at the girl , the girl that was running , the girl in the mirror ! I knew it wasn 't me , I didn 't have dark red hair , I didn 't have dark red clothes ! I didn 't have a tail and ears , yet , Riko said she was ME ! I knew very well that that wasn 't true . " Don 't you guys see her ? The girl running through the woods ! The one that 's being chased by tall figures ! Don 't you see her ? ! " ' Riko pointed at the mirror , and it only had three faces . Mine , Riko 's and Roxxane 's . " It 's just us , Demi . What are you talking about ? " I knew Riko knew that I was lying , but I was afraid that she would 've thought I was wrong . I would 've understood that . To tell you the truth , I thought it was fake myself , a mirage . I don 't know . I didn 't think I cared much either , to tell you the truth . Yet , somehow , it was still stuck in my head . I couldn 't help wonder what those pale things were . I felt someone 's eyes on me , I looked up a little , and there was Toya , he was staring down at me , just staring down at me . He didn 't seem worried , or scared , or even mad , but yet he was looking at me with that scary intent his eyes . What happened next I will never forget ; As we locked eyes I heard his voice , but , his lips weren 't moving . He wasn 't talking or making any audible noises . And , what I heard him say , made me think and blush at the same time . He said things like , " She 's so beautiful " or " I can 't get her out of my mind " or " I love those icy eyes of hers " or even " I want her lips to press against mine , I want to see her blush and smile , but not for anyone else , for me , just for me . . . " That 's when I realized that he had been thinking that . He realized I was looking at him and he turned away , opening a pink door , and leading us into a more than pleasurable room . The room 's atmosphere was a beautiful soft pink , and it seemed so well lighted and bright . There were makeup stands and there were girls braiding each other 's hair . My eyes lit up . This was my type of place ! Everything about it was perfect ! From the pink carpet on the ground that was just hearts , to the pink - painted walls , to the pink bubbles floating around reflecting the faces of the girls and guys and what they would like after a makeover . My eyes turned into those anime eyes , those big happy anime eyes that had bubbles and stars shining from what they were seeing . My mouth was in a huge smile , and my hands were clasped up under my chin together , all in pure happiness . There was make - up and beauty supplies everywhere ! But there was nothing messy about it ! And there were little faires , tiny little faires with beautiful hair and beautiful skin , and beautiful tiny wings ! There were just to many faires to even describe . And they were carrying beauty supplies . Everyone was talking , gossiping , like girls y ' know ? But the best part ? The girls weren 't the only ones gossiping ! " OMG , Mike , did you hear about Kristen and Steve ? " I heard a guy ask . Yes , I was sure it was a guy , for when I turned around a guy was saying it to his friend , who , I guessed was Mike . Mike answered , " Oh my gawd ! What 'd they do ! " They had the gayest voices , but they were my people ! I couldn 't help but go over there and get in on the juciy gossip . The other guy answered , who , I soon found out is named James , " Well , gurl , so , Kristin was like home sick , and than that lousy Steve went over to Brenda 's house , but Brenda wasn 't there because she was over at Jake 's house , and Jake had Susan over because he didn 't know Brenda was coming over , and I have to tell you that Brenda is sooooo annoying ! I mean she just goes over to my house when Mike and I are together and we hardly get any time together . She 's sooo nosy ! " He looked me in the eye and leaned closer , " So , Brenda walked in on Jake , Jake 's her bf BTW , and Susan making out ! " Mike and James showed me their hands , which were wrapped together , " Yeah gurl . " They both said . They dropped their hands and got up , Mike first gave me air kisses , and then so did James . We screamed with glee , " YOU ' RE A GOSSIPER ! " We yelled in unison . We hugged each other in a group hug style and through air kisses back and forth . Mike and James were just as happy as I was . A gossiper was a group of boys or girls that gossiped during school hours and knew ALL the news about things that happened on or off of school grounds before anybody else . I had been a Gossiper at my old school . Though , I usually didn 't share the information that much . That 's when Toya grabbed me by the collar and dragged me along . He said , " You 're such a girl . " He mumbled something else under his breath about my idiocy and my being of a girl and other stupid stuff that only made me want to punch him . He sat me down beside him , and I looked around for Riko and Roxxane who were sitting next to each other a row behind us , Toya whispered to me , " I 'm not going to be stuck with one of the gay guy 's in this class or with one of the never - shutting up girls . I only know you and I 'm only sitting next to you . Get over it . " I moved in closer to him , grabbed him by the ear pulling him closer to my lips , " I have no problems with it , sweet heart . " I bit on his ear , and his blushed . I giggled a little under my breath , but everything seemed to quiet down when Toya was looking at me with the same content as before . He was leaning in , his lips reaching for my own . I was reaching up for his face when a hand slapped the table , and a beautiful face looked down at us enraged . From behind us everyone was whispering to each other , Mike and James whispering something to one another , and Riko leaning in and telling Roxxane something . I wish I had known what it was . It had an importance to the story , I just know it . I looked up at my mother , who , was now at the front of the class . " Hi everyone . I 'm your beauty teacher . It does not say it in your schedule 's but I am also your love teacher . Hope that change is alright with everyone . Now , let 's begin . Your first assignment of the year is to finish desgining your tunics . As everyone knows , your tunic is the color of your aura . Whenever you move in to your house , on your bed , lying there with a note , is your tunic . The tunic is always your favorite color , and it 's always the color that made you happy , sad , or all at once . Today we will finish designing your tunics . We will customize , and even re - design your tunic in your own way . You will also be asked to make a makeup pallet to match your tunic , for those of you who aren 't into the tunic bussiness , or for those who would like to do both . You can choose between the makeup pallet and the tunic , but either one must be turned in by Friday this week . " Aphrodite looked around the class , " You can pick a partner but you both must do the same thing . " Aphrodite said the final words , " Begin . " I turned around , " Rox , you mind if I partner with Toya ? You know he might as well fail this class if I don 't help him . I 'll help you guys too , I know you guys would fail without me . " ' Roxxane laughed , " It 's true . A ' nd , yeah , it 's cool you guys can be partners . Riko and I 'll just partner up . " He didn 't even think about the answer , " The tunic . " He said it so fast that it surprised me . I had had my mind set on creating a makeup pallet for myself , but if Toya wanted to make the tunic , that would 've been fine with me . It appeared in my hands , and made me wince quickly . It was a sleeveless Greek tunic in pure gold with a golden rose in the middle of it 's breasts holders . . . And , there was a letter . The letter was bound by a rose seal , and I opened it slowly . The letter read as following : You are the Charter Goddess , the goddess of everything . You are the perfect creation of two Gods . Your birth was no mistake young Demitra , it was meant to be , and hopefully you will except this gift . It 's your training tunic . It 's pretty much your first level tunic . As you get older , and more experienced the tunic will change on it 's own , along with your appearence . With each level that you pass the tunic that you are wearing will change and so will you . There is a level where you earn a mermaids tail and your tunic turns into a sea - shell bra , and there is another level where you morph into a fairy , you 'd earn fairy wings that change color , and your tunic changes to the prettiest thing ! I 'm getting ahead of myself . The rules state that each student is allowed one month of free clothing on the first month of school , the rest of the year you MUST wear the tunic . Change into this when you get it . Toya got up , and walked me over to some mannequins , I hadn 't noticed until now , but everyone ( that was standing around mannequins ) were wearing white tunics . I hadn 't seen anyone change into tunics , and was surprised by it . I walked over to Mike and James , " When did everyone change ? " I asked them . Mike answered , " 50 minutes ago , the beginning of class . Class is over in , " A bell rung , " Now . " Everyone was scurrying out of class , Roxxane and Riko met up with us , " Apparantly , " Roxxane started , " We 're supposed to finish either in class or at home . " I looked over at her , " Alright . Let 's see ! " Toya led us to the nearest female bathroom and directed us in , he had stayed outside , waiting . The bathroom was nice , the floor , which was usually tile , was a pink carpet , and the mirrors , which were usually just on tiles , were on a pink wall and made fit perfectly around mirrors , and the sinks , which were usually just white , gross , and nasty things , were painted a beautiful hot pink and looked like it had been put there 10 seconds ago . There were girls everywhere , all either blondes , red heads , or brunetts , all wearing cute fashionable outfits and clothing , from skirts , to tight tight tight tight tight skinny jeans , tank tops , to dresses . They were all very beautiful yet , this made me think twice , " Uck ! " One tall blonde said , " Get away ! We hate you emo dyed hair freaks ! " The tall blonde was obviously the leader , she walked over to me . Her hair was curled and her eyes were pale blue , yet very seductive . She wore a pink mini skirt and a pink tank top . Her lips were a perfect shade of red and her eyebrows were clipped very well . She wore a bucket of makeup , pink eyeshadow , blush , and had even made her foundation paler , yet she was very beautiful . She put one hand on her hip and pointed the other at me , " You know , sweetie , you 're very pretty , my name is Sophie Jason , you can be one of my little Preppies . Preppies are pretty girls born to Aphrodite , everyone is under my lead . " I gave her a smirk , " Listen , Miss Seductive , you 're no leader . You point out the mistakes of others , but sadly for you , I have no mistakes . You 're the only one with mistakes , for people that are mean and think they hold themselves right , are a mistake themself . I 'm no mistake , I 'm perfection . " Sophie gave me a death stare , " Oh , I know who you are , you 're Demi . The new girl . Well , this is my school , and I will make your time spent here miserable . " I nodded , " I hate girls that are beautiful but are horrible on the inside . I mean , what 's the point of being beautiful if your heart is cold , and you insult people ? What 's so good about that ? " Our second period class was war , and the moment we walked into class we were greeted by a sword thrown at our heads . Toya caught the sword before it hit anyone and he tossed it back at purple haired Raven . Raven made a face as if she was growling , and I laughed . Wikia is a free - to - use site that makes money from advertising . We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers Wikia is not accessible if you 've made further modifications . Remove the custom ad blocker rule ( s ) and the page will load as expected . Categories :
|
Love of my life is at work . He told me that I could not use the skill saw . He is afraid that I will cut my fingers off . How condescending can he get ? I am not an idiot and I take more safety precautions than he ever thought of . This from someone who accidentally cut his forehead with a CHAINSAW ! In answer to my first question after he finally confessed what he had done . . . No , he was not wearing any eye protection ! ! I moved the refrigerator last week and want to put cabinets in it 's place to increase my counter top . We have some cabinets in what used to be the dining room along one wall . I have measured and I already knew they would need to be altered to fit . As I already mentioned I am not an idiot . It is all a math problem ; not that much different from sewing . Well , he made the mistake of telling me that this little project would have to wait until fall . Like I would be satisfied with that ! He is due home in about an hour and I am proud to announce that I found a skill saw and have taken apart and rebuilt the base cabinet to fit my area and all I need to do is put the shelves back in and the doors back on ! And I still have all my fingers . . . and toes ! I wore shoes and safety glasses ! I do have to admit that I think I may have pulled a muscle in my neck , but he doesn 't read this and I am not telling him that part . . . . . . Today is cloudy and periodically misting rain . I did venture out to see all the little seedlings popping through the dirt in my garden . I love this time of year . I spent all day yesterday weeding flower gardens . Everything is so wet that you can hear the ground sucking up the water . Makes weeding really easy . I like to pull the weeds and grass by hand . There is something so satisfying about pulling the roots and all up . I thought I had only been at it for a couple of hours , but I weeded for six hours and my muscles were screaming last night . I swear I had a charley - horse in my butt ! Guess I should cook something . Wonder if he will notice the cabinet base ? Tuesday is the day the truck comes out to empty the dumpster . I usually try to get all the waste baskets emptied and get it all out there so that I can start the week with empty cans everywhere . I do not know what happened this past weekend , but the dumpster was overflowing . We weren 't that busy , but it looked like we had had a three day holiday with a full campground . I suppose everyone was spring cleaning . . . . . . . . So I put off doing the big cleaning job in the rest rooms . I was gone all morning and most of the afternoon and decided to tackle the necessary cleaning . Boy , that put me in a foul mood . It rained buckets all day yesterday and I didn 't even check them . I should have . The lights were on and the toilets were disgusting . How hard is it to flush the toilet ? The men 's room toilet had apparently been used as an ashtray as well as not having been flushed . Makes me wonder if this is how these people live at home . Why did I think owning a campground would be fun ? From there I went to check my garden . Shouldn 't have done that either . First was the pile of dog poo in the grass and then the dog tracks through my vegetable garden . I know who did it , but what can I do ? I am tempted to take the poo I picked up along with all the poo I can find in my back yard and deposit it on the steps of their RV . They aren 't here at the moment or I would go over and ask if they saw anyone in my garden while I was gone . I have been known to grab a handy - dandy WalMart bag and chase people who I see let their dog do his business and not bother to clean up the mess . . . . . . . . but I didn 't see this happen , so they have deniability . I don 't think that is a word , but we all know what I mean . I went for my annual pap - smear and breast exam today , so already the day is not fun . I try to get this done at least every three years or so . I know , I know . I do realize how important it is , but life gets in the way . The worst part of the whole thing is stepping on the scales . I hate to be reminded that I now weigh 50 lbs more than I weighed full - term prePosted by I lie here in my bed on the edge of sleep , trying to remember my dream . I could hear the gentle rain outside the window and the curtains billowed out now and then with a gentle breeze . I am so glad it is Monday and I am happy that it is raining . The dream comes back to me . . . . . I was peeling an orange . It seemed to take forever as I meticulously peel the rind , then all of the white pith . Then I slowly separate each segment ; all the while my mouth is watering . Just as I finally am bringing a portion to my mouth . . . . I wake up . Now I want an orange in the worst way . I like oranges , but I like other fruits more . My goal this morning was to get an orange . I almost went into the local grocery , but their produce is hit and miss with the freshness factor , so I settled for orange juice . It was good , but nothing like I imagined the orange in my dream would have been . Anticipation . . . . . . . . . . . . I am so glad for the steady rain , so good for my garden . But , most important , it will keep love of my life inside until he goes to work . I need only to look at him to see how tired he is . His ' part - time ' job is taking it 's toll on him . He works the evening shift and gets home before midnight , but seldom gets to sleep that early . Spring is our busiest time of year . All the repairs have to be done and there is little I can do to actually help . To test my patience to the limit the manager schedules him 40 hour weeks now . She knew when she hired him that he only wanted 24 hours a week and that weekends are our busiest time . He has worked at least one day of the last 8 weekends . I have never met the woman , but did call one time when Drew was so sick he couldn 't stay far from the bathroom for vomiting . She was just plain rude . She spoke to me as if I weren 't quite bright and told me that Drew couldn 't call in sick on such short notice . I am quite certain she could hear him hurling in the background . I suppose I was a bit icy when I told her that I didn 't realize one could plan when they were going to be sick . I was in my " nice bitch " mode and I Posted by Friday has arrived and I should be getting my house in order , but here I sit blogging . The phone woke me this morning and I took 6 calls in less than 15 minutes . I was trying to make coffee while I fielded calls and opened the cabinet for a filter and a Christmas mug stored on the top shelf flew down , bounced off my head and shattered . Not a good beginning to my day . I have been working in my gardens for the past three days . My vegetable beds are raised and the only way to turn the soil is with an old - fashioned hoe . It is all done and seeded . I have the sore muscles to prove it . The weed - eater crapped out , so I edged my flower beds on my hands and knees with a pair of scissors . Yes , I know they make a tool for that , but I prefer my light - weight scissor , thank you very much . I have weeded and planted and separated all morning . I thought it must be around noon , so I came inside to discover that it was 1 : 30 . I guess time really does fly when you are having fun . Since love of my life had to go to work this afternoon I jumped into the shower . I heard his razor going and I told him I would be out in a second . There he was all ready to get into his shower . " It 's not really a good idea for us both to be without clothes on at the same - - - the store is open . " I say to him . I won 't repeat what he said , but I did convince him to stay dry until I at least got dressed . We had been here a couple of months when it became apparent just how confining it is to run a campground . We were open 12 hours a day , 7 days a week . Drew stayed away from the store as much as possible ( still does ) . One day , after mowing all morning and tending my gardens I called him in to the store and asked him , " Could you please watch the store long enough for me to get a quick shower ? " Reluctantly , he planted himself behind the counter . He must have been listening , because the minute he heard the water turn off he was gone . I heard the buzzer as I dried myself , but ignored it , confidant that he was in the store . Then I heard the little bell on the counter . I thPosted by My new camera came today . Now I have to figure out all the features on it . I wish my son was here . I would make him read all the stuff , then just show me what to do . He would , too . He might not want to , but then I would complain to my sweet daughter - in - law and she would persuade him to be a good son . . . . . . . My son is the peace maker and worrier of our family . He is sweet and sensitive and always cognizant of the feelings of others . He is funny and fun to be around . I didn 't set out to write about him tonight , it just happened . He has been on my mind today . Jeff is a twin . He is younger than his sister by just minutes and he was the smaller of the two . They were sort of a surprise . We only had 10 days to prepare for two babies . In that time Jeff decided that he wasn 't going to cooperate and turned around . He entered the world feet first . Maybe he was just being considerate of his sister and not only let her go first , but gave her a little help with his feet . Or maybe he really should have stayed awhile longer to grow a bit . He weighed in at 5 lbs 2 ounces and didn 't have any of the reflexes needed to survive . He struggled to breathe and didn 't know how to suck . His hands and feet were way too big for his tiny body that was covered with downy hair , giving him the appearance of a little monkey - albeit a cute one . His sister , Jill , on the other hand was tiny perfection . She weighed 7 ounces more and looked like a little porcelain doll . She cried daintily upon entering the world and reached her little hands out beseechingly to be held , I suppose . One look at her and I was smitten with love . They were both swept away to the preemie unit . This was almost 34 years ago and they were both considered to be high risk . The octomom wouldn 't have stood a chance then . I don 't know what took me there tonight , just missing my babies , I suppose . Guess I 'll go read about my new camera since my favorite son isn 't here . Pictures are coming . . . . . . . . . . . . Posted by Ok , I 'll bite . Here goes : 8 Things I 'm Looking Forward To1 . Seeing my grandchildren2 . Seeing my children3 . Seeing my parents4 . Vegetables in my garden5 . A full campground6 . Money in the bank7 . Warmer weather8 . Flowers in bloom8 Things I Did Yesterday1 . I cooked a really delicious chicken dinner2 . I talked to my sweet grandson on the phone3 . I sewed all afternoon4 . I disappeared into blogosphere for a wonderful read5 . I enjoyed a rare evening off with my husband6 . I cleaned out my husbands sock drawer7 . I planted flower seeds8 . I missed my grandchildren . . . . . . 8 Things I Wish I Could Do1 . Wish I could go see my kids2 . Wish I could fly - - not in a plane , but really fly3 . Wish I could move to Mexico4 . Wish I could soak in a hot tub5 . Wish I could eat and not gain weight6 . Wish I could publish my book7 . Wish I could disappear sometimes8 . Wish I could make all my children 's hurts go away8 TV shows I watch1 . NCIS2 . Bones3 . The Mentalist4 . House5 . The Daily Show6 . The Colbert Report7 . The Office8 . Saturday Night LiveI won 't tag any one - - if you choose to play , go for it . . . . . In the early years of our marriage love of my life was my compass . I was a timid , shy little thing ( of course ALL that has changed tremendously ) . He would take me to where ever I needed to go if I was the least bit unsure of how to get there . If he couldn 't take me he would drive there first and then draw a map for me . If I simply didn 't want to run an errand he would jump right in there and take over . I liked it - - a lot . Who wouldn 't ; and anyway there is nothing wrong with being a " kept " woman ; is there ? I am not the only one who has changed . This morning he arose early , showered and got into respectable clothing . The day of the dreaded IRS audit has arrived . He really wanted to push this off on me . Like that was going to happen . He is the one who does the taxes ( though after this , I plan to become more involved ) ; and he is , after all , the master of bullshit . So , off he went . This is the second time he has made this trip . The first auditor retired and apparently kept notes much like Drew does . Her replacement decided she needed more information and added 2008 to the audit . Why not ? You would think they would have bigger fish to fry , but what do I know ? I got up as he was leaving on his mission and started my day . I reheated yesterdays coffee while a new pot brewed and got started on the amazing amount of laundry generated by just two people . The phone rings as I am fighting to keep the dog from eating some socks . " Didn 't those papers the IRS sent have a map ? " asks Drew . " It is the same place you went to before . " I say as I throw down the load of laundry and let the dog have his way with those socks . I grab the papers that are miraculously right where I put them - - next to where his wallet and keys were - - so that he wouldn 't forget them . " Well I can 't find it . " he says impatiently . So , I go through the directions with him . I have never been there , but I have been in the general area and can see it in my minds eye . I patiently tell him which exit to take and which turns to make and then say , " Honey , isn 't it right aftePosted by It is raining . . . . again . Love of my life is at work and the store is closed for the evening . I am missing my kids and their kids . I was scrolling through pictures and found one of my favorite of me and Maya . She was only two here . She will be going to kindergarten this fall . Seems like just yesterday I was holding her . . . . and in a fit of insanity , rolling her hair . Looks cute in the rollers , not so much when we took them out . Let 's just say that maybe we shouldn 't try this again . But , it made her happy ; just look at that sweet face . Look at me - - what was I thinking with that hair color ? I was really into covering the gray and got a little adventurous with colors . I have let all the color grow out and am now sporting my natural mousy brown streaked with gray hair . No wonder I got that senior discount . . . . . Friday was an absolutely gorgeous day with the promise of Spring in the air . I felt energized and ready to tackle all my out door projects . When I got up before the sun on Saturday it was raining steadily - - - still is . Spent the whole weekend indoors . I got a lot of sewing done , but little else . Love of my life played with plumbing all day Saturday , then we had a lovely dinner with our friends . While I was on the phone with the gentleman trying to cancel a reservation without providing a name Friday evening I heard a rig pull in . After hanging up I stuck my head out the door and saw that they had taken a check - in packet . I was longing for sleep and went on to bed . When Drew came in I woke up and he asked if I had checked in anyone . Told him that I had not checked the drop box . He decided he was too tired to check it and we both went to sleep . I slept ! I slept until around 5 : 00 , took out the dogs and went back to sleep until 9 : 00 . The big motor home that was towing a car and had a truck parked behind them was gone - - - and there was nothing in the drop box . I paid for that sleep . This happens a lot . I hate to go banging on the door of an RV and ask to see their registration . I usually wait until I see them unhooking and gettPosted by The " season " has arrived . This is the wonderful time of year that lets my life be dictated by customers . . . . in person and on the phone . Bathroom breaks can be interrupted very abruptly ; food is consumed at odd intervals and my chain of thought is interrupted with regularity . So if my posts are more like the ramblings of a mad woman I apologize in advance . The store is closed and I had just settled down to catch up on all my favorite blogs . The dogs were all settled beside me and I was happily logging on when the phone that I had left in the other room called out to me with it 's shrill voice . I had to get up out of my comfy spot and retrieve the hateful intruder . I answer in my fake cheery tone with the name of our campground . The caller says , " Hey , this is T ( his last name ) , how are ya 'll doin tonight ? " Without really waiting for an answer he says , " My buddy wanted me to let you know he had to go to a different job and won 't be coming . " I assume that he is with a group of RVs coming in next month and head into the office to look at my pending reservations and see his name . " What is your friends name ? " I ask . " Uh , his wife made the reservation and her name is Sue . " was his reply . " I really will need the last name to cancel the reservation . " I tell him . " So , you don 't have a reservation for a Sue ? " he asks hopefully . This is what my life will be like for the next few months . As annoying as it is , I don 't lack for entertainment . . . . . . . . 1 . Have you ever been influenced by a work of art - music , painting , book - and if so , how ? I would have to say that music influences me profoundly . Books and paintings , too ; but music above all . I have been known to cry during commercials if the song hits me . I think that is why music is so important in religious ceremonies . Can you imagine a wedding without music . . . or for that matter a funeral ? Don 't you think that is why commercials have a soundtrack . . . . . music to soothe the savage soul . 2 . If you were a chocolate bar , what type would you be ? Hershey 's dark chocolate . . . . . . with nuts . 3 . What is your secret weapon to lure the opposite sex ? That 's a hard one . What is it about any one that attracts ? Is it a look ? Is it an attitude ? I consider myself to be pretty average , not homely and I am clean . I am over weight - - but I carry it well ( or so I 've been told ) . I would have to say it is my sense of humor and sharp wit . . . . . yeah , that 's me . 4 . What , in your opinion , is your greatest accomplishment ? My children . I didn 't even have to think about that one . 5 . How many friends do you have on your Facebook account ? 31 and most are family . Here it is , my answers to the interview from Jo . Gee , I don 't have many friends on Facebook , do I ? Does that reveal anything about me ? I had never really looked at the number until now . I spent an interesting morning with a lady who lives in her car . It is not a big car either . She stayed in our tent area . . . . I always feel bad for women alone , sleeping in a car . I took her some coffee and we sat in the sun and chatted . Her identity was stolen and that 's how she ended up in a car . She is on social security and still trying to untangle her legal mess . This is what she told me and she seemed to be honest ; but after the last fiasco with the non - paying renters from hell I find myself to be not as trusting . She asked about renting the trailer , so I showed it to her in it 's current state of needing a lot of work . She then told me she could come up with a deposit and the first and last month 's rePosted by I continued to miss my dog as I took advantage of a sunny morning and worked the vegetable garden . I kept expecting to see him laying in the grass by the maple tree , watching me hoe and weed . Miss him . My raised beds are looking good now that I have removed all the weeds . I flipped my compost bin and found some lovely fertile soil to add to my beds and planted my early peas . We have had a lot of rain and I was not a pretty sight after two hours of playing in the dirt . Even though it was still cool outside I was sweating and looking forward to a nice hot shower . . . . . . . . Love of my life turned off the water for some project or other . The phone was ringing and I took the reservation with my dirty hands . I couldn 't touch anything else . My hands were quite literally caked in mud . I wanted to get some things done . . . . . . Inspiration finally struck and I " washed " my hands in cold coffee . At least I smelled good . While I waited for water I piddled around the office , sweeping and filing , and waiting . After an hour of this Drew appeared and wondered about lunch . " Umm , no water . . . " I say . Then he tells me the water has been on for a long time ! So , I strip and get in the shower , turn the on the faucets and . . . . no water . He has , of course , left the building to go do what it is he does at his beloved sanctuary , the " barn " . So , I call him . " Oops , I forgot to turn the water on to the main building . " Oops , indeed . Finally I get my morning ritual out of the way and prepare the feast for the man . So , I was slightly irritated as I went into town to run errands . I stopped at the library , dropped off my over due books as inconspicuously as possible and paid my 15 cents . The librarian is a schoolmarmish type who will tsk disapprovingly and I wasn 't in the mood for it . As it is , I live outside the city limits and have to pay an annual fee for the privilege of using the library . She was on the phone , but she did manage to give me a look . I have often wondered if she checks the accounts to see who has an over due book . I am glad that she hKathy 's Klothesline A year ago today we put our beloved 14 year old Collie in the car and drove to that dreaded appointment . I had spent the day tending him and telling him how loved he was . He could not get up unless I put him on his feet , but then was unable to get back down . He had been in this condition all weekend after suffering a stroke . The other animals were subdued , keeping the death watch . I didn 't have many pets as a child . The constant moving was a factor and my mother wasn 't as forgiving of puddles in the floor as I am . Love of my life is a pet lover , too . I can 't remember any time during our life together that we haven 't had pets . We made the move from Tampa to Minnesota with only one cat . Misty was already an old lady and not used to living indoors , so we let her come and go at will with the garage door open just enough for her . One day she left and never came back . So the search was on . I couldn 't be without four - legged companionship . I scanned the pet section of the newspaper . We drove and drove , headed for a farm in Menomonie , WI . We finally arrived and were led into a barn where bales of hay contained three litters of these amazing bundles of fur . All Collies . The parents - - one male and his harem of three wives - - were right there to see . One of the mom dogs stayed by my side and kept slipping her head under my hand for a pat . While the kids and husband were scooping up one then another puppy to check the gender I told the farmer that I wanted one of the dog at my side 's pups . I had a little male in my hand at that moment and he told me that I had already chosen one of hers . We paid the man and left with our bundle of fur . He was scared and spent the ride back to civilization burrowed in my daughter , Adrienne 's hair . We talked about names and finally settled on Sargent Pepper . Three year old Danny wanted Pepper . Might have fit one of the black and white border Collies , but our puppy was sable and white ; a Lassie look alike . Adrienne finally convinced Danny that we should add the Sargent to the name . Big brother , JePosted by I continue to gather my sleep in 2 - 3 hour naps . Last night was no different . After my fourth trip to take out the animals this morning at 6 : 30 , I crawled back into my cocoon of warm covers and fell back to sleep immediately . . . . until the phone rang . I answered it and stayed in bed . Drew got up , and after dressing left the room . I finished the call and came out to find that he had made coffee for me . Bless his heart . This stuff was SOOOO strong . I don 't know exactly how much coffee he used , but I had to dilute it with water to drink it and am now wondering if I will ever sleep again . He meant well . Didn 't he ? While I was so sick this past winter I " played " with the computer a lot - - - a whole lot . I joined a few survey sites and I read e - mail for points and money . Love of my life has kind of joked about my " jobs " and has wondered if any of them will actually pay me . I earn 2 cents for every e - mail I read on one site and I earn points on another . One of them simply offers the opportunity to win various sweepstakes . It takes minimal time to keep up with them and it certainly isn 't hard to do . I received an e - mail this past weekend - - - I won a $ 250 . 00 gift card on Amazon ! ! I ordered a digital camera - - a Nikon . I am so excited ! I have a really wonderful Nikon with an extra zoom lens that I absolutely love , but I have to drive 23 miles to develop the film and then load the disc onto the computer to send photos . The new camera is wi - fi compatible and I will be able to e - mail straight from the camera . And I didn 't spend a penny ! ! So there , husband of mine ! Now I will go forth and make use of my caffeine " high " . My inability to concentrate makes it a challenge to post anything . I am hoping that the dogs will soon acclimate to each other and allow me to sleep . A customer offered me a St . Bernard puppy the other day . . . . . they aren 't born yet . When I mentioned the offer to hubby he proclaimed , " Absolutely Not ! ! ! ! ! " . Then asked , " What does it look like ? " . He would be more likely than me to accept another dog into our harem . He is sucPosted by I still haven 't quite " caught up " with my loss of sleep . . . . as if you really could . I am feeling much better , though . Thanks for all your kind comments on the subject . My mother was a poor sleeper . She attributed it to the cycle of the moon . She swore that if the moon were full she wouldn 't sleep a wink . Of course she took a nap daily and woe be unto the person to interrupt that nap . In her later years she developed restless leg syndrome ; however she named her condition the " heebie jeebies " . I don 't look at the moon lest I jinx myself into anticipating a sleepless night . I have always preferred to think that I am more like my dad than my mom . I can see parts of his likeness in the mirror , but I also see Mother . Can 't be helped , I suppose ; we are what we are . I ask love of my life to tell me what actor would portray me in a movie about me . He is still pondering , trying to come up with someone . So far we have agreed it would be Kathy Bates . I think he is afraid that it offends me . Maybe if I were younger , I suppose ; maybe . I find as I age I care less about how I look than how I feel . Personally I think she is a wonderful actress and we do share a same body type - - love of my life says I am much smaller . I guess that is why he is the love of my life . . . . . . When asked the same question about himself , he said Tom Cruise . I suppose it was rude of me to laugh so hard ; but all I could think of was Fred Flintstone . I chose not to share that with him and told him I thought he was more like George Clooney . Ahhh , the eyes of love ! I am still not thinking too clearly , still longing for more sleep . All my thoughts are running into each other inside my head making it almost impossible to narrow them down to an intelligent post . It is rainy and cold , so I am going to have a cup of tea and watch Lifetime , and if I am lucky enough to have silence from the phone and buzzer I may even catch a little nap . . . . . . . . . Ever heard that expression , " I 'm too tired to sleep . " It is a condition I now find myself in . After locking the door to the store last night at 7 : 00 , I took the animals out and tossed some logs on the fire and lay down with my favorite flannel comforter and pillow . Closed my eyes . . . sleep would not come . Made myself a cup of herbal ' sleepytime ' tea . That was a mistake . . . . made me pee all night . I was still very much awake when Drew came home at 11 : 44 . The animals were on their best behaviour last night , but every little sound was magnified and I could not sleep . Love of my life has to sleep with white noise . No noise machine for us . Every year he buys a new box fan ; the loudest running one he can find . They only last about a year before the motor dies . I don 't know why he needs this , he can 't hear anything . Even with this fan , that I liken to the sound of a jet taking flight , I still hear everything . I heard Drew go to the bathroom at 2 : 00 . I heard the door hinge squeak . He left the door open and didn 't turn on the light . I heard him pee . I heard him carefully close the door , the hinge squeaked again and then , though I am sure he tried hard not to , the door clicked when it shut . From there he went to the wood stove and pulled open the door - - it squeaked , too . Then I heard him go to the fridge and raid his private stock of Reeses . I heard the paper rip . I smelled the chocolate and peanut butter as he got back into the bed . I heard him swallow ! This morning I strolled through our home , coffee in one hand , WD - 40 in the other . I have really big hopes for tonight . I thought about sleeping in the guest room , but the dogs would insist on going with me . . . . . . . . I thought about sleeping pills , but I hate the way I feel the next day . . . . . . . . . . I have even considered putting pillows on the phone and disconnecting the buzzer to the store door and taking a nap , but the coffee has kicked in . I am determined to sleep tonight ! I am chronically sleep deprived . I feel like a new mother . I get a series of naps through the night and after a few weeks of this I become pretty crabby . I always let Drew sleep . I feel like it is the least I can do , since he has to work an extra job . It 's not that I think he works any harder than I do . . . . . Take last night , for instance . I don 't even try to go to sleep before he comes home from work anymore because Wall - E will bark and wake me . He gets home around 11 : 45 , so at best I will go to sleep at midnight . That wouldn 't be so bad if I was allowed to sleep until morning . With three dogs in the bed and a crazy old cat it is guaranteed that I will have to get up at least once . Last night at 2 : 30 love of my life got up to go to the bathroom . It woke me up and I was lying super still hoping that the dogs wouldn 't realize he was up and want to go out . If he had simply come back to bed it would have worked . But he decided to open the wood stove ( the door creaks ) and heave all the wood available into it . All three dogs jumped up at the sound and guess who took them out ? The added wood made it way too hot to sleep and I don 't know how long I lay there trying to get back to sleep . Seems like I had just dozed off when Crazy Cat decided to relieve himself on the rug beside our bed . The pungent aroma pulled me out of a dream as I felt Wall - E leap out of the bed to investigate this intriguing event ( I could actually hear Wall - E singing to himself . . . " whatever it is I think I see , becomes a tootsie roll to me . . . " ) I jumped out of the bed , grabbed the rug with it 's wonderful content and took the mess out side . It is 4 : 30 am as I wake the other two dogs by opening the door and they all took another trip outside . Love of my life slept through this . This annoyed me as I once again climbed into bed . I guess I should be glad he didn 't get up and add wood to the stove . He has a mattress warmer on and I can see a sheen of sweat on his brow . I fantasize about pouring a pitcher of ice water on him as I finally drift off to sleep oncPosted by I am not a computer person . I don 't know how to type , I kind of peck this out with a style that is mine alone . I only know how to do what has been shown to me and what little I have learned by trial and error and I never thought I would be on the computer as much as I now find myself . I usually read my e - mail just to make sure I don 't have any reservations hanging out in limbo . Our website links to my e - mail . . . . . or it is supposed to . Husband created said website and my kids occasionally go on it to tell me what should be changed . It seems that spelling isn 't one of his strong points and he tends to capitalize in mid sentence words that don 't need to be . That being said , the only reason I ever created my account on blog spot was to follow my daughter 's blog . It wasn 't enough that I read it , she was trying to get more followers than her friend . Then she started encouraging me to write my own blog , really more like harassing me . I have been working on a book for a couple of years about owning this campground . I would like to publish it , but I know that I can 't even think about it until I no longer own this place . Would you want to come here if you knew you end up having some embarrassing , albeit hilarious , incident about yourself become material for my book ? I have become addicted to this blogging adventure . I can 't wait to open the computer every morning to read all my favorite blogs and most especially to read the comments on my blog . Nothing is more encouraging than a kind word from some one who only knows you through the stories you share . I am always surprised that someone likes what I write - - gee , that sounded like Sally Field gushing about being liked . I love to tell stories - - - just ask my kids . Sometimes I worry that I might be boring people , sometimes I know I am . They get that glazed look in their eyes like a trapped animal . This way , if you don 't want to read it - - leave it . No story comes to mind tonight , though . Maybe tomorrow Iwill regale with some wonderful and amazing anecdote . Who knows . . . . . . . First and foremost - - the gutters are up ! Love of my life purchased the wrong brackets the second time around . . . . . and I held out no hope for installation . Bob , the undertaker , to the rescue . He managed to purchase the correct ones and bring them with him yesterday . Drew has managed to ingratiate himself to people who either own or have access to heavy equipment . He borrowed an excavator this past week and trenched the ditches for the water lines for the new sites . As long as he had it here he decided to dig all the cattails out of the pond . We have a family of muskrats tunneling holes in the pond causing some drainage problems . He scooped out the cattails and big buckets of mud . Deposited all this on the side of the pond . Picture in your mind a once pretty little pond with piles of mucky clay with weeds in it all round the once pretty little pond . I didn 't say a word , just stood there looking . He assured me it wasn 't going to stay like that . . . . . . . same man who bought gutters and painted them with cheap spray paint . He is making this promise even as those gutters are still laying on the front porch welcoming any one coming in for a stay . The excavator has gone back and now there is a bobcat here . He has hauled some of this sticky mud down from the pond and " filled in " a low spot on the lawn by the residence side of the building . It is lovely , just lovely . Let me explain that I mow this with a push mower because I have flower gardens and fruit trees to protect . I take a lot of pride in the appearance of my personal space as well as the grounds . So to say I am annoyed is an understatement . Back to the bobcat . I ventured out this morning to work in my vegetable garden . I looked towards the disgraced pond to see that Drew had apparently managed to get the bobcat stuck in the mud . There was Bob , the undertaker , with the body transport truck pulling him out with some chains . Fascinated , I had to walk down to get a closer look to see the mighty duo in action . As I approached , Bob , the undertaker , was disengaging the pulling cPosted by Flat Stanley is on his way home to Minnesota . Gee , I hope he had fun . He penned a very informative letter to Layla 's class about life in the campground . He helped me rescue the first sign of Spring before that last bout of nasty weather . My camera doesn 't do the daffodil justice - - or Flat Stanley for that matter . Flat Stanley folded himself in half and slipped into the envelope wearing his new flat clothes . It was a last minute thing and unfortunately I didn 't get a picture . He has on jeans , a turtle neck and a jean jacket , all secured to him with velcro . I do love that child ! Love of my life and I actually went out to eat last night ! I should qualify this by saying we had a gift card from a camper who stayed for a time . They had a sweet little girl the same size as my granddaughter , Jada . I made her a dress ( I was actually trying out the new pattern on her ) . Anyway . . . . . . we went out to eat . I actually got to sit down at a table and eat food I didn 't prepare and have a conversation that wasn 't interrupted by the phone or a customer coming into the store ! It is a big deal for me . We have friends that camp with us regularly and we always eat at least one meal together . If we eat here in my house , everyone will pause as I seat myself and pick up my fork , without fail , the buzzer will announce a customer or the phone will ring . After our dinner we went on a shopping mission for electrical supplies and store stock . I was dropped at WalMart , while he went on to Lowe 's . The gutter still lays on the front porch and on his list are the brackets for installation . I raced through the store gathering everything on my list and then some . This was not my regular WalMart and I was delighted to discover a fabric department . I found the cutest pattern for my girls and some fabric on sale . I approach an empty checkout lane . . . . little did I know just how empty headed the clerk was . I put my fabric and pattern ( along with some buttons that were clearanced - - to feed my button fetish ) and told her that I needed to pay for those items sepaPosted by I happened to see a little news blurb yesterday . CBS is cancelling the longest living soap on TV . It caught my attention because I grew up with the CBS soaps in the background . Mother referred to them as her ' stories ' and was a very faithful viewer . This particular one started out on radio and was the very first soap on TV . Seems like my mom ironed every day and while she ironed she watched her stories . I would play with my endless collection of dolls close by . When ever I smell that special , one of a kind smell of the iron touching the damp fabric , I am transported in time . The original roles of The Guiding Light have long since died . The off - spring live on and either age at a highly accelerated rate or seem not to age at all . I haven 't tuned in to this show in awhile , but out of nostalgia I have it on now . Reva is giving birth as I write this . Apparently menopause is not part of the life span in soap opera land . I figure that she should be in her 60 's . Her children are all grown and she has a grandchild well into child bearing age . Of course , Reva has defied death many times , has come " back to life " twice ( that I know of ) , and has even been cloned . Used to be the old men still procreating late in life . Since the soaps are supposed to mimic real life I guess I shouldn 't be surprised that older women are popping out babies . This one seems to like to really push the issue , though . Not only is Reva giving birth today ; she is also battling cancer . . . for the second time ( that I know of ) . There is also a character on this soap who has twin boys and each has a different father , this same character had an affair with her mother 's fiance . I can 't think of her name ; she was Roger Thorpe 's daughter . He was a the villain for many years , always causing his one true love Holly trouble . Blake , that was her name ! Geez , she was a real slut for awhile until she married the DA who had been engaged to her mother . When he died she ran for public office . This is sad that I have all this trivia floating around in my head ! What with all Posted by It was 9 years ago today . My grandson was 9 and a hockey player . We adopted him when he was a baby , so we think of him as our son . I had gotten up early that Sunday morning . We had a hockey game scheduled . I got the call telling me it was canceled and I had just settled into a long phone conversation with my daughter - in - law . I was wrapped in my robe , coffee at my side and I had pulled a comfy chair next to the phone . I was on the corded phone , because , as usual the cordless handsets were nowhere to be found . Love of my life came down the stairs and called my name . I looked around the corner and told him the game had been canceled and to go back to bed . " I 'm having a heart attack " he said . I was annoyed and said , " That 's not funny . " It was after all April 1st . Then I looked at him . He didn 't look so good . He was kind of gray . Diane had heard the exchange and like me thought he was joking until I told her I needed to hang up and call for an ambulance . Drew , in the meantime went back up the stairs to take an aspirin . I dialed 911 and told the dispatcher that my husband was having a heart attack . The first thing she said was " Don 't put the phone down ! " , then she wanted to know if he was breathing . " I don 't know , he went back upstairs and I am on a corded phone ! " " Drew , are you breathing ? " I hollered . . . . she told me to stay on the phone , didn 't she ? No answer , so by now Danny is looking at me wondering what is wrong with me and upon spying him I say , " Go upstairs and see if your dad is breathing ! " At the time it didn 't occur to me that I was scaring the hell out of my kid ; but I did not put that phone down , even when the dispatcher told me to do just that after she heard me instruct the child to go . Drew was breathing and appeared at the top of the stairs to tell me so . Then he came down the stairs and sat on the couch to wait for his ride to the hospital . I was still clutching the phone like MY life depended on it and reporting all of this to the dispatcher . The first team arrived and I let go of the phone . We lived in Posted by
|
Love of my life is at work . He told me that I could not use the skill saw . He is afraid that I will cut my fingers off . How condescending can he get ? I am not an idiot and I take more safety precautions than he ever thought of . This from someone who accidentally cut his forehead with a CHAINSAW ! In answer to my first question after he finally confessed what he had done . . . No , he was not wearing any eye protection ! ! I moved the refrigerator last week and want to put cabinets in it 's place to increase my counter top . We have some cabinets in what used to be the dining room along one wall . I have measured and I already knew they would need to be altered to fit . As I already mentioned I am not an idiot . It is all a math problem ; not that much different from sewing . Well , he made the mistake of telling me that this little project would have to wait until fall . Like I would be satisfied with that ! He is due home in about an hour and I am proud to announce that I found a skill saw and have taken apart and rebuilt the base cabinet to fit my area and all I need to do is put the shelves back in and the doors back on ! And I still have all my fingers . . . and toes ! I wore shoes and safety glasses ! I do have to admit that I think I may have pulled a muscle in my neck , but he doesn 't read this and I am not telling him that part . . . . . . Today is cloudy and periodically misting rain . I did venture out to see all the little seedlings popping through the dirt in my garden . I love this time of year . I spent all day yesterday weeding flower gardens . Everything is so wet that you can hear the ground sucking up the water . Makes weeding really easy . I like to pull the weeds and grass by hand . There is something so satisfying about pulling the roots and all up . I thought I had only been at it for a couple of hours , but I weeded for six hours and my muscles were screaming last night . I swear I had a charley - horse in my butt ! Guess I should cook something . Wonder if he will notice the cabinet base ? Tuesday is the day the truck comes out to empty the dumpster . I usually try to get all the waste baskets emptied and get it all out there so that I can start the week with empty cans everywhere . I do not know what happened this past weekend , but the dumpster was overflowing . We weren 't that busy , but it looked like we had had a three day holiday with a full campground . I suppose everyone was spring cleaning . . . . . . . . So I put off doing the big cleaning job in the rest rooms . I was gone all morning and most of the afternoon and decided to tackle the necessary cleaning . Boy , that put me in a foul mood . It rained buckets all day yesterday and I didn 't even check them . I should have . The lights were on and the toilets were disgusting . How hard is it to flush the toilet ? The men 's room toilet had apparently been used as an ashtray as well as not having been flushed . Makes me wonder if this is how these people live at home . Why did I think owning a campground would be fun ? From there I went to check my garden . Shouldn 't have done that either . First was the pile of dog poo in the grass and then the dog tracks through my vegetable garden . I know who did it , but what can I do ? I am tempted to take the poo I picked up along with all the poo I can find in my back yard and deposit it on the steps of their RV . They aren 't here at the moment or I would go over and ask if they saw anyone in my garden while I was gone . I have been known to grab a handy - dandy WalMart bag and chase people who I see let their dog do his business and not bother to clean up the mess . . . . . . . . but I didn 't see this happen , so they have deniability . I don 't think that is a word , but we all know what I mean . I went for my annual pap - smear and breast exam today , so already the day is not fun . I try to get this done at least every three years or so . I know , I know . I do realize how important it is , but life gets in the way . The worst part of the whole thing is stepping on the scales . I hate to be reminded that I now weigh 50 lbs more than I weighed full - term prePosted by I lie here in my bed on the edge of sleep , trying to remember my dream . I could hear the gentle rain outside the window and the curtains billowed out now and then with a gentle breeze . I am so glad it is Monday and I am happy that it is raining . The dream comes back to me . . . . . I was peeling an orange . It seemed to take forever as I meticulously peel the rind , then all of the white pith . Then I slowly separate each segment ; all the while my mouth is watering . Just as I finally am bringing a portion to my mouth . . . . I wake up . Now I want an orange in the worst way . I like oranges , but I like other fruits more . My goal this morning was to get an orange . I almost went into the local grocery , but their produce is hit and miss with the freshness factor , so I settled for orange juice . It was good , but nothing like I imagined the orange in my dream would have been . Anticipation . . . . . . . . . . . . I am so glad for the steady rain , so good for my garden . But , most important , it will keep love of my life inside until he goes to work . I need only to look at him to see how tired he is . His ' part - time ' job is taking it 's toll on him . He works the evening shift and gets home before midnight , but seldom gets to sleep that early . Spring is our busiest time of year . All the repairs have to be done and there is little I can do to actually help . To test my patience to the limit the manager schedules him 40 hour weeks now . She knew when she hired him that he only wanted 24 hours a week and that weekends are our busiest time . He has worked at least one day of the last 8 weekends . I have never met the woman , but did call one time when Drew was so sick he couldn 't stay far from the bathroom for vomiting . She was just plain rude . She spoke to me as if I weren 't quite bright and told me that Drew couldn 't call in sick on such short notice . I am quite certain she could hear him hurling in the background . I suppose I was a bit icy when I told her that I didn 't realize one could plan when they were going to be sick . I was in my " nice bitch " mode and I Posted by Friday has arrived and I should be getting my house in order , but here I sit blogging . The phone woke me this morning and I took 6 calls in less than 15 minutes . I was trying to make coffee while I fielded calls and opened the cabinet for a filter and a Christmas mug stored on the top shelf flew down , bounced off my head and shattered . Not a good beginning to my day . I have been working in my gardens for the past three days . My vegetable beds are raised and the only way to turn the soil is with an old - fashioned hoe . It is all done and seeded . I have the sore muscles to prove it . The weed - eater crapped out , so I edged my flower beds on my hands and knees with a pair of scissors . Yes , I know they make a tool for that , but I prefer my light - weight scissor , thank you very much . I have weeded and planted and separated all morning . I thought it must be around noon , so I came inside to discover that it was 1 : 30 . I guess time really does fly when you are having fun . Since love of my life had to go to work this afternoon I jumped into the shower . I heard his razor going and I told him I would be out in a second . There he was all ready to get into his shower . " It 's not really a good idea for us both to be without clothes on at the same - - - the store is open . " I say to him . I won 't repeat what he said , but I did convince him to stay dry until I at least got dressed . We had been here a couple of months when it became apparent just how confining it is to run a campground . We were open 12 hours a day , 7 days a week . Drew stayed away from the store as much as possible ( still does ) . One day , after mowing all morning and tending my gardens I called him in to the store and asked him , " Could you please watch the store long enough for me to get a quick shower ? " Reluctantly , he planted himself behind the counter . He must have been listening , because the minute he heard the water turn off he was gone . I heard the buzzer as I dried myself , but ignored it , confidant that he was in the store . Then I heard the little bell on the counter . I thPosted by My new camera came today . Now I have to figure out all the features on it . I wish my son was here . I would make him read all the stuff , then just show me what to do . He would , too . He might not want to , but then I would complain to my sweet daughter - in - law and she would persuade him to be a good son . . . . . . . My son is the peace maker and worrier of our family . He is sweet and sensitive and always cognizant of the feelings of others . He is funny and fun to be around . I didn 't set out to write about him tonight , it just happened . He has been on my mind today . Jeff is a twin . He is younger than his sister by just minutes and he was the smaller of the two . They were sort of a surprise . We only had 10 days to prepare for two babies . In that time Jeff decided that he wasn 't going to cooperate and turned around . He entered the world feet first . Maybe he was just being considerate of his sister and not only let her go first , but gave her a little help with his feet . Or maybe he really should have stayed awhile longer to grow a bit . He weighed in at 5 lbs 2 ounces and didn 't have any of the reflexes needed to survive . He struggled to breathe and didn 't know how to suck . His hands and feet were way too big for his tiny body that was covered with downy hair , giving him the appearance of a little monkey - albeit a cute one . His sister , Jill , on the other hand was tiny perfection . She weighed 7 ounces more and looked like a little porcelain doll . She cried daintily upon entering the world and reached her little hands out beseechingly to be held , I suppose . One look at her and I was smitten with love . They were both swept away to the preemie unit . This was almost 34 years ago and they were both considered to be high risk . The octomom wouldn 't have stood a chance then . I don 't know what took me there tonight , just missing my babies , I suppose . Guess I 'll go read about my new camera since my favorite son isn 't here . Pictures are coming . . . . . . . . . . . . Posted by Ok , I 'll bite . Here goes : 8 Things I 'm Looking Forward To1 . Seeing my grandchildren2 . Seeing my children3 . Seeing my parents4 . Vegetables in my garden5 . A full campground6 . Money in the bank7 . Warmer weather8 . Flowers in bloom8 Things I Did Yesterday1 . I cooked a really delicious chicken dinner2 . I talked to my sweet grandson on the phone3 . I sewed all afternoon4 . I disappeared into blogosphere for a wonderful read5 . I enjoyed a rare evening off with my husband6 . I cleaned out my husbands sock drawer7 . I planted flower seeds8 . I missed my grandchildren . . . . . . 8 Things I Wish I Could Do1 . Wish I could go see my kids2 . Wish I could fly - - not in a plane , but really fly3 . Wish I could move to Mexico4 . Wish I could soak in a hot tub5 . Wish I could eat and not gain weight6 . Wish I could publish my book7 . Wish I could disappear sometimes8 . Wish I could make all my children 's hurts go away8 TV shows I watch1 . NCIS2 . Bones3 . The Mentalist4 . House5 . The Daily Show6 . The Colbert Report7 . The Office8 . Saturday Night LiveI won 't tag any one - - if you choose to play , go for it . . . . . In the early years of our marriage love of my life was my compass . I was a timid , shy little thing ( of course ALL that has changed tremendously ) . He would take me to where ever I needed to go if I was the least bit unsure of how to get there . If he couldn 't take me he would drive there first and then draw a map for me . If I simply didn 't want to run an errand he would jump right in there and take over . I liked it - - a lot . Who wouldn 't ; and anyway there is nothing wrong with being a " kept " woman ; is there ? I am not the only one who has changed . This morning he arose early , showered and got into respectable clothing . The day of the dreaded IRS audit has arrived . He really wanted to push this off on me . Like that was going to happen . He is the one who does the taxes ( though after this , I plan to become more involved ) ; and he is , after all , the master of bullshit . So , off he went . This is the second time he has made this trip . The first auditor retired and apparently kept notes much like Drew does . Her replacement decided she needed more information and added 2008 to the audit . Why not ? You would think they would have bigger fish to fry , but what do I know ? I got up as he was leaving on his mission and started my day . I reheated yesterdays coffee while a new pot brewed and got started on the amazing amount of laundry generated by just two people . The phone rings as I am fighting to keep the dog from eating some socks . " Didn 't those papers the IRS sent have a map ? " asks Drew . " It is the same place you went to before . " I say as I throw down the load of laundry and let the dog have his way with those socks . I grab the papers that are miraculously right where I put them - - next to where his wallet and keys were - - so that he wouldn 't forget them . " Well I can 't find it . " he says impatiently . So , I go through the directions with him . I have never been there , but I have been in the general area and can see it in my minds eye . I patiently tell him which exit to take and which turns to make and then say , " Honey , isn 't it right aftePosted by It is raining . . . . again . Love of my life is at work and the store is closed for the evening . I am missing my kids and their kids . I was scrolling through pictures and found one of my favorite of me and Maya . She was only two here . She will be going to kindergarten this fall . Seems like just yesterday I was holding her . . . . and in a fit of insanity , rolling her hair . Looks cute in the rollers , not so much when we took them out . Let 's just say that maybe we shouldn 't try this again . But , it made her happy ; just look at that sweet face . Look at me - - what was I thinking with that hair color ? I was really into covering the gray and got a little adventurous with colors . I have let all the color grow out and am now sporting my natural mousy brown streaked with gray hair . No wonder I got that senior discount . . . . . Friday was an absolutely gorgeous day with the promise of Spring in the air . I felt energized and ready to tackle all my out door projects . When I got up before the sun on Saturday it was raining steadily - - - still is . Spent the whole weekend indoors . I got a lot of sewing done , but little else . Love of my life played with plumbing all day Saturday , then we had a lovely dinner with our friends . While I was on the phone with the gentleman trying to cancel a reservation without providing a name Friday evening I heard a rig pull in . After hanging up I stuck my head out the door and saw that they had taken a check - in packet . I was longing for sleep and went on to bed . When Drew came in I woke up and he asked if I had checked in anyone . Told him that I had not checked the drop box . He decided he was too tired to check it and we both went to sleep . I slept ! I slept until around 5 : 00 , took out the dogs and went back to sleep until 9 : 00 . The big motor home that was towing a car and had a truck parked behind them was gone - - - and there was nothing in the drop box . I paid for that sleep . This happens a lot . I hate to go banging on the door of an RV and ask to see their registration . I usually wait until I see them unhooking and gettPosted by The " season " has arrived . This is the wonderful time of year that lets my life be dictated by customers . . . . in person and on the phone . Bathroom breaks can be interrupted very abruptly ; food is consumed at odd intervals and my chain of thought is interrupted with regularity . So if my posts are more like the ramblings of a mad woman I apologize in advance . The store is closed and I had just settled down to catch up on all my favorite blogs . The dogs were all settled beside me and I was happily logging on when the phone that I had left in the other room called out to me with it 's shrill voice . I had to get up out of my comfy spot and retrieve the hateful intruder . I answer in my fake cheery tone with the name of our campground . The caller says , " Hey , this is T ( his last name ) , how are ya 'll doin tonight ? " Without really waiting for an answer he says , " My buddy wanted me to let you know he had to go to a different job and won 't be coming . " I assume that he is with a group of RVs coming in next month and head into the office to look at my pending reservations and see his name . " What is your friends name ? " I ask . " Uh , his wife made the reservation and her name is Sue . " was his reply . " I really will need the last name to cancel the reservation . " I tell him . " So , you don 't have a reservation for a Sue ? " he asks hopefully . This is what my life will be like for the next few months . As annoying as it is , I don 't lack for entertainment . . . . . . . . 1 . Have you ever been influenced by a work of art - music , painting , book - and if so , how ? I would have to say that music influences me profoundly . Books and paintings , too ; but music above all . I have been known to cry during commercials if the song hits me . I think that is why music is so important in religious ceremonies . Can you imagine a wedding without music . . . or for that matter a funeral ? Don 't you think that is why commercials have a soundtrack . . . . . music to soothe the savage soul . 2 . If you were a chocolate bar , what type would you be ? Hershey 's dark chocolate . . . . . . with nuts . 3 . What is your secret weapon to lure the opposite sex ? That 's a hard one . What is it about any one that attracts ? Is it a look ? Is it an attitude ? I consider myself to be pretty average , not homely and I am clean . I am over weight - - but I carry it well ( or so I 've been told ) . I would have to say it is my sense of humor and sharp wit . . . . . yeah , that 's me . 4 . What , in your opinion , is your greatest accomplishment ? My children . I didn 't even have to think about that one . 5 . How many friends do you have on your Facebook account ? 31 and most are family . Here it is , my answers to the interview from Jo . Gee , I don 't have many friends on Facebook , do I ? Does that reveal anything about me ? I had never really looked at the number until now . I spent an interesting morning with a lady who lives in her car . It is not a big car either . She stayed in our tent area . . . . I always feel bad for women alone , sleeping in a car . I took her some coffee and we sat in the sun and chatted . Her identity was stolen and that 's how she ended up in a car . She is on social security and still trying to untangle her legal mess . This is what she told me and she seemed to be honest ; but after the last fiasco with the non - paying renters from hell I find myself to be not as trusting . She asked about renting the trailer , so I showed it to her in it 's current state of needing a lot of work . She then told me she could come up with a deposit and the first and last month 's rePosted by I continued to miss my dog as I took advantage of a sunny morning and worked the vegetable garden . I kept expecting to see him laying in the grass by the maple tree , watching me hoe and weed . Miss him . My raised beds are looking good now that I have removed all the weeds . I flipped my compost bin and found some lovely fertile soil to add to my beds and planted my early peas . We have had a lot of rain and I was not a pretty sight after two hours of playing in the dirt . Even though it was still cool outside I was sweating and looking forward to a nice hot shower . . . . . . . . Love of my life turned off the water for some project or other . The phone was ringing and I took the reservation with my dirty hands . I couldn 't touch anything else . My hands were quite literally caked in mud . I wanted to get some things done . . . . . . Inspiration finally struck and I " washed " my hands in cold coffee . At least I smelled good . While I waited for water I piddled around the office , sweeping and filing , and waiting . After an hour of this Drew appeared and wondered about lunch . " Umm , no water . . . " I say . Then he tells me the water has been on for a long time ! So , I strip and get in the shower , turn the on the faucets and . . . . no water . He has , of course , left the building to go do what it is he does at his beloved sanctuary , the " barn " . So , I call him . " Oops , I forgot to turn the water on to the main building . " Oops , indeed . Finally I get my morning ritual out of the way and prepare the feast for the man . So , I was slightly irritated as I went into town to run errands . I stopped at the library , dropped off my over due books as inconspicuously as possible and paid my 15 cents . The librarian is a schoolmarmish type who will tsk disapprovingly and I wasn 't in the mood for it . As it is , I live outside the city limits and have to pay an annual fee for the privilege of using the library . She was on the phone , but she did manage to give me a look . I have often wondered if she checks the accounts to see who has an over due book . I am glad that she hKathy 's Klothesline A year ago today we put our beloved 14 year old Collie in the car and drove to that dreaded appointment . I had spent the day tending him and telling him how loved he was . He could not get up unless I put him on his feet , but then was unable to get back down . He had been in this condition all weekend after suffering a stroke . The other animals were subdued , keeping the death watch . I didn 't have many pets as a child . The constant moving was a factor and my mother wasn 't as forgiving of puddles in the floor as I am . Love of my life is a pet lover , too . I can 't remember any time during our life together that we haven 't had pets . We made the move from Tampa to Minnesota with only one cat . Misty was already an old lady and not used to living indoors , so we let her come and go at will with the garage door open just enough for her . One day she left and never came back . So the search was on . I couldn 't be without four - legged companionship . I scanned the pet section of the newspaper . We drove and drove , headed for a farm in Menomonie , WI . We finally arrived and were led into a barn where bales of hay contained three litters of these amazing bundles of fur . All Collies . The parents - - one male and his harem of three wives - - were right there to see . One of the mom dogs stayed by my side and kept slipping her head under my hand for a pat . While the kids and husband were scooping up one then another puppy to check the gender I told the farmer that I wanted one of the dog at my side 's pups . I had a little male in my hand at that moment and he told me that I had already chosen one of hers . We paid the man and left with our bundle of fur . He was scared and spent the ride back to civilization burrowed in my daughter , Adrienne 's hair . We talked about names and finally settled on Sargent Pepper . Three year old Danny wanted Pepper . Might have fit one of the black and white border Collies , but our puppy was sable and white ; a Lassie look alike . Adrienne finally convinced Danny that we should add the Sargent to the name . Big brother , JePosted by I continue to gather my sleep in 2 - 3 hour naps . Last night was no different . After my fourth trip to take out the animals this morning at 6 : 30 , I crawled back into my cocoon of warm covers and fell back to sleep immediately . . . . until the phone rang . I answered it and stayed in bed . Drew got up , and after dressing left the room . I finished the call and came out to find that he had made coffee for me . Bless his heart . This stuff was SOOOO strong . I don 't know exactly how much coffee he used , but I had to dilute it with water to drink it and am now wondering if I will ever sleep again . He meant well . Didn 't he ? While I was so sick this past winter I " played " with the computer a lot - - - a whole lot . I joined a few survey sites and I read e - mail for points and money . Love of my life has kind of joked about my " jobs " and has wondered if any of them will actually pay me . I earn 2 cents for every e - mail I read on one site and I earn points on another . One of them simply offers the opportunity to win various sweepstakes . It takes minimal time to keep up with them and it certainly isn 't hard to do . I received an e - mail this past weekend - - - I won a $ 250 . 00 gift card on Amazon ! ! I ordered a digital camera - - a Nikon . I am so excited ! I have a really wonderful Nikon with an extra zoom lens that I absolutely love , but I have to drive 23 miles to develop the film and then load the disc onto the computer to send photos . The new camera is wi - fi compatible and I will be able to e - mail straight from the camera . And I didn 't spend a penny ! ! So there , husband of mine ! Now I will go forth and make use of my caffeine " high " . My inability to concentrate makes it a challenge to post anything . I am hoping that the dogs will soon acclimate to each other and allow me to sleep . A customer offered me a St . Bernard puppy the other day . . . . . they aren 't born yet . When I mentioned the offer to hubby he proclaimed , " Absolutely Not ! ! ! ! ! " . Then asked , " What does it look like ? " . He would be more likely than me to accept another dog into our harem . He is sucPosted by I still haven 't quite " caught up " with my loss of sleep . . . . as if you really could . I am feeling much better , though . Thanks for all your kind comments on the subject . My mother was a poor sleeper . She attributed it to the cycle of the moon . She swore that if the moon were full she wouldn 't sleep a wink . Of course she took a nap daily and woe be unto the person to interrupt that nap . In her later years she developed restless leg syndrome ; however she named her condition the " heebie jeebies " . I don 't look at the moon lest I jinx myself into anticipating a sleepless night . I have always preferred to think that I am more like my dad than my mom . I can see parts of his likeness in the mirror , but I also see Mother . Can 't be helped , I suppose ; we are what we are . I ask love of my life to tell me what actor would portray me in a movie about me . He is still pondering , trying to come up with someone . So far we have agreed it would be Kathy Bates . I think he is afraid that it offends me . Maybe if I were younger , I suppose ; maybe . I find as I age I care less about how I look than how I feel . Personally I think she is a wonderful actress and we do share a same body type - - love of my life says I am much smaller . I guess that is why he is the love of my life . . . . . . When asked the same question about himself , he said Tom Cruise . I suppose it was rude of me to laugh so hard ; but all I could think of was Fred Flintstone . I chose not to share that with him and told him I thought he was more like George Clooney . Ahhh , the eyes of love ! I am still not thinking too clearly , still longing for more sleep . All my thoughts are running into each other inside my head making it almost impossible to narrow them down to an intelligent post . It is rainy and cold , so I am going to have a cup of tea and watch Lifetime , and if I am lucky enough to have silence from the phone and buzzer I may even catch a little nap . . . . . . . . . Ever heard that expression , " I 'm too tired to sleep . " It is a condition I now find myself in . After locking the door to the store last night at 7 : 00 , I took the animals out and tossed some logs on the fire and lay down with my favorite flannel comforter and pillow . Closed my eyes . . . sleep would not come . Made myself a cup of herbal ' sleepytime ' tea . That was a mistake . . . . made me pee all night . I was still very much awake when Drew came home at 11 : 44 . The animals were on their best behaviour last night , but every little sound was magnified and I could not sleep . Love of my life has to sleep with white noise . No noise machine for us . Every year he buys a new box fan ; the loudest running one he can find . They only last about a year before the motor dies . I don 't know why he needs this , he can 't hear anything . Even with this fan , that I liken to the sound of a jet taking flight , I still hear everything . I heard Drew go to the bathroom at 2 : 00 . I heard the door hinge squeak . He left the door open and didn 't turn on the light . I heard him pee . I heard him carefully close the door , the hinge squeaked again and then , though I am sure he tried hard not to , the door clicked when it shut . From there he went to the wood stove and pulled open the door - - it squeaked , too . Then I heard him go to the fridge and raid his private stock of Reeses . I heard the paper rip . I smelled the chocolate and peanut butter as he got back into the bed . I heard him swallow ! This morning I strolled through our home , coffee in one hand , WD - 40 in the other . I have really big hopes for tonight . I thought about sleeping in the guest room , but the dogs would insist on going with me . . . . . . . . I thought about sleeping pills , but I hate the way I feel the next day . . . . . . . . . . I have even considered putting pillows on the phone and disconnecting the buzzer to the store door and taking a nap , but the coffee has kicked in . I am determined to sleep tonight ! I am chronically sleep deprived . I feel like a new mother . I get a series of naps through the night and after a few weeks of this I become pretty crabby . I always let Drew sleep . I feel like it is the least I can do , since he has to work an extra job . It 's not that I think he works any harder than I do . . . . . Take last night , for instance . I don 't even try to go to sleep before he comes home from work anymore because Wall - E will bark and wake me . He gets home around 11 : 45 , so at best I will go to sleep at midnight . That wouldn 't be so bad if I was allowed to sleep until morning . With three dogs in the bed and a crazy old cat it is guaranteed that I will have to get up at least once . Last night at 2 : 30 love of my life got up to go to the bathroom . It woke me up and I was lying super still hoping that the dogs wouldn 't realize he was up and want to go out . If he had simply come back to bed it would have worked . But he decided to open the wood stove ( the door creaks ) and heave all the wood available into it . All three dogs jumped up at the sound and guess who took them out ? The added wood made it way too hot to sleep and I don 't know how long I lay there trying to get back to sleep . Seems like I had just dozed off when Crazy Cat decided to relieve himself on the rug beside our bed . The pungent aroma pulled me out of a dream as I felt Wall - E leap out of the bed to investigate this intriguing event ( I could actually hear Wall - E singing to himself . . . " whatever it is I think I see , becomes a tootsie roll to me . . . " ) I jumped out of the bed , grabbed the rug with it 's wonderful content and took the mess out side . It is 4 : 30 am as I wake the other two dogs by opening the door and they all took another trip outside . Love of my life slept through this . This annoyed me as I once again climbed into bed . I guess I should be glad he didn 't get up and add wood to the stove . He has a mattress warmer on and I can see a sheen of sweat on his brow . I fantasize about pouring a pitcher of ice water on him as I finally drift off to sleep oncPosted by I am not a computer person . I don 't know how to type , I kind of peck this out with a style that is mine alone . I only know how to do what has been shown to me and what little I have learned by trial and error and I never thought I would be on the computer as much as I now find myself . I usually read my e - mail just to make sure I don 't have any reservations hanging out in limbo . Our website links to my e - mail . . . . . or it is supposed to . Husband created said website and my kids occasionally go on it to tell me what should be changed . It seems that spelling isn 't one of his strong points and he tends to capitalize in mid sentence words that don 't need to be . That being said , the only reason I ever created my account on blog spot was to follow my daughter 's blog . It wasn 't enough that I read it , she was trying to get more followers than her friend . Then she started encouraging me to write my own blog , really more like harassing me . I have been working on a book for a couple of years about owning this campground . I would like to publish it , but I know that I can 't even think about it until I no longer own this place . Would you want to come here if you knew you end up having some embarrassing , albeit hilarious , incident about yourself become material for my book ? I have become addicted to this blogging adventure . I can 't wait to open the computer every morning to read all my favorite blogs and most especially to read the comments on my blog . Nothing is more encouraging than a kind word from some one who only knows you through the stories you share . I am always surprised that someone likes what I write - - gee , that sounded like Sally Field gushing about being liked . I love to tell stories - - - just ask my kids . Sometimes I worry that I might be boring people , sometimes I know I am . They get that glazed look in their eyes like a trapped animal . This way , if you don 't want to read it - - leave it . No story comes to mind tonight , though . Maybe tomorrow Iwill regale with some wonderful and amazing anecdote . Who knows . . . . . . . First and foremost - - the gutters are up ! Love of my life purchased the wrong brackets the second time around . . . . . and I held out no hope for installation . Bob , the undertaker , to the rescue . He managed to purchase the correct ones and bring them with him yesterday . Drew has managed to ingratiate himself to people who either own or have access to heavy equipment . He borrowed an excavator this past week and trenched the ditches for the water lines for the new sites . As long as he had it here he decided to dig all the cattails out of the pond . We have a family of muskrats tunneling holes in the pond causing some drainage problems . He scooped out the cattails and big buckets of mud . Deposited all this on the side of the pond . Picture in your mind a once pretty little pond with piles of mucky clay with weeds in it all round the once pretty little pond . I didn 't say a word , just stood there looking . He assured me it wasn 't going to stay like that . . . . . . . same man who bought gutters and painted them with cheap spray paint . He is making this promise even as those gutters are still laying on the front porch welcoming any one coming in for a stay . The excavator has gone back and now there is a bobcat here . He has hauled some of this sticky mud down from the pond and " filled in " a low spot on the lawn by the residence side of the building . It is lovely , just lovely . Let me explain that I mow this with a push mower because I have flower gardens and fruit trees to protect . I take a lot of pride in the appearance of my personal space as well as the grounds . So to say I am annoyed is an understatement . Back to the bobcat . I ventured out this morning to work in my vegetable garden . I looked towards the disgraced pond to see that Drew had apparently managed to get the bobcat stuck in the mud . There was Bob , the undertaker , with the body transport truck pulling him out with some chains . Fascinated , I had to walk down to get a closer look to see the mighty duo in action . As I approached , Bob , the undertaker , was disengaging the pulling cPosted by Flat Stanley is on his way home to Minnesota . Gee , I hope he had fun . He penned a very informative letter to Layla 's class about life in the campground . He helped me rescue the first sign of Spring before that last bout of nasty weather . My camera doesn 't do the daffodil justice - - or Flat Stanley for that matter . Flat Stanley folded himself in half and slipped into the envelope wearing his new flat clothes . It was a last minute thing and unfortunately I didn 't get a picture . He has on jeans , a turtle neck and a jean jacket , all secured to him with velcro . I do love that child ! Love of my life and I actually went out to eat last night ! I should qualify this by saying we had a gift card from a camper who stayed for a time . They had a sweet little girl the same size as my granddaughter , Jada . I made her a dress ( I was actually trying out the new pattern on her ) . Anyway . . . . . . we went out to eat . I actually got to sit down at a table and eat food I didn 't prepare and have a conversation that wasn 't interrupted by the phone or a customer coming into the store ! It is a big deal for me . We have friends that camp with us regularly and we always eat at least one meal together . If we eat here in my house , everyone will pause as I seat myself and pick up my fork , without fail , the buzzer will announce a customer or the phone will ring . After our dinner we went on a shopping mission for electrical supplies and store stock . I was dropped at WalMart , while he went on to Lowe 's . The gutter still lays on the front porch and on his list are the brackets for installation . I raced through the store gathering everything on my list and then some . This was not my regular WalMart and I was delighted to discover a fabric department . I found the cutest pattern for my girls and some fabric on sale . I approach an empty checkout lane . . . . little did I know just how empty headed the clerk was . I put my fabric and pattern ( along with some buttons that were clearanced - - to feed my button fetish ) and told her that I needed to pay for those items sepaPosted by I happened to see a little news blurb yesterday . CBS is cancelling the longest living soap on TV . It caught my attention because I grew up with the CBS soaps in the background . Mother referred to them as her ' stories ' and was a very faithful viewer . This particular one started out on radio and was the very first soap on TV . Seems like my mom ironed every day and while she ironed she watched her stories . I would play with my endless collection of dolls close by . When ever I smell that special , one of a kind smell of the iron touching the damp fabric , I am transported in time . The original roles of The Guiding Light have long since died . The off - spring live on and either age at a highly accelerated rate or seem not to age at all . I haven 't tuned in to this show in awhile , but out of nostalgia I have it on now . Reva is giving birth as I write this . Apparently menopause is not part of the life span in soap opera land . I figure that she should be in her 60 's . Her children are all grown and she has a grandchild well into child bearing age . Of course , Reva has defied death many times , has come " back to life " twice ( that I know of ) , and has even been cloned . Used to be the old men still procreating late in life . Since the soaps are supposed to mimic real life I guess I shouldn 't be surprised that older women are popping out babies . This one seems to like to really push the issue , though . Not only is Reva giving birth today ; she is also battling cancer . . . for the second time ( that I know of ) . There is also a character on this soap who has twin boys and each has a different father , this same character had an affair with her mother 's fiance . I can 't think of her name ; she was Roger Thorpe 's daughter . He was a the villain for many years , always causing his one true love Holly trouble . Blake , that was her name ! Geez , she was a real slut for awhile until she married the DA who had been engaged to her mother . When he died she ran for public office . This is sad that I have all this trivia floating around in my head ! What with all Posted by It was 9 years ago today . My grandson was 9 and a hockey player . We adopted him when he was a baby , so we think of him as our son . I had gotten up early that Sunday morning . We had a hockey game scheduled . I got the call telling me it was canceled and I had just settled into a long phone conversation with my daughter - in - law . I was wrapped in my robe , coffee at my side and I had pulled a comfy chair next to the phone . I was on the corded phone , because , as usual the cordless handsets were nowhere to be found . Love of my life came down the stairs and called my name . I looked around the corner and told him the game had been canceled and to go back to bed . " I 'm having a heart attack " he said . I was annoyed and said , " That 's not funny . " It was after all April 1st . Then I looked at him . He didn 't look so good . He was kind of gray . Diane had heard the exchange and like me thought he was joking until I told her I needed to hang up and call for an ambulance . Drew , in the meantime went back up the stairs to take an aspirin . I dialed 911 and told the dispatcher that my husband was having a heart attack . The first thing she said was " Don 't put the phone down ! " , then she wanted to know if he was breathing . " I don 't know , he went back upstairs and I am on a corded phone ! " " Drew , are you breathing ? " I hollered . . . . she told me to stay on the phone , didn 't she ? No answer , so by now Danny is looking at me wondering what is wrong with me and upon spying him I say , " Go upstairs and see if your dad is breathing ! " At the time it didn 't occur to me that I was scaring the hell out of my kid ; but I did not put that phone down , even when the dispatcher told me to do just that after she heard me instruct the child to go . Drew was breathing and appeared at the top of the stairs to tell me so . Then he came down the stairs and sat on the couch to wait for his ride to the hospital . I was still clutching the phone like MY life depended on it and reporting all of this to the dispatcher . The first team arrived and I let go of the phone . We lived in Posted by
|
Hi everyone . My name is Meghan and I 'm a 23 year old female who has been reading this site for about six months now . A little while ago , Tom posted asking about girls that can stink up the bathroom badly . I thought that would be a good opportunity for me to make my first post , as one of my best friends for the last five years , Cathryn , is definitely what you would call a " stinky girl . " I first met Cathryn ( or Cat , as I usually call her ) , because she lived down the hall from me in my freshman dorm . We started talking on the first day of orientation and became friends pretty much immediately . But it wasn 't until about a week after classes started that I was first exposed to Cat 's bathroom stink . One morning I had woken up early , before most others on our floor , and went to the bathroom to take a shower . This particular bathroom ( which was one of two women 's bathrooms on the co - ed floor ) had three shower stalls and two toilet stalls . Both the showers and toilets were on the same side of the wall . I took my morning pee and hopped into the shower ; the bathroom was empty at this point . But it wasn 't long before that changed . I heard the bathroom door open , and someone entered one of the toilet stalls and closed the door . I didn 't hear anything else right away - if there was peeing it was drowned out by the sound of the shower - but then I did hear a long , loud , airy fart . A few seconds later I heard another fart , this one even louder , followed by a crackling sound that was barely audible over the shower . I didn 't hear anything more for about a minute , and then it hit me - my shower stall was invaded with a VERY strong poop smell . The arrival of the odor was followed by a string of zipper - sounding farts , and a couple of loud plops . I 'm not someone who is easily grossed out by bathroom odors , but the smell was really beginning to get to me . It was so strong that it was like someone was pooping right in the shower with me . I was really hoping for a courtesy flush or some sign that the then - unknown popper was finishing up , Anyways , that was the first time that I was exposed to Cat 's stinkiness but it definitely was not the last . We lived together every year of college and now live in the same city and hang out all the time , so I have plenty of stories about her . If anyone has any questions for me , I would be happy to answer them . I 'd also be curious to hear from other people who have friends like Cathryn . Meghan Well , I had quite the adventure last weekend . Lauren , Ann and I decided to have a girls night out for the heck of it , since we finally had some time off to ourselves , so this meant taking the bus downtown and getting some drinks . Needless to say , after a few , we got a bit tipsy and Ann and I felt like we could take a piss . When we were at the bar we felt the sensation at the time , we checked out the bathroom , only to see how completely revolting it was . The toilet was plugged up , there was scraps of toilet paper and piss everywhere , and the thing smelt like they hid a rotting animal carcass in there for days . There was absolutely no way we were going to use that thing , so we decided to hold it in until our next stop . We paid the bill , left and walked a couple of blocks until Ann really started to need to piss . There was no sight of a public restroom nearby , so she decided to sneak behind a dark alley way and do it there . We followed her to keep her guard from anyone else , so while Lauren and I stood in front of her , she pulled down her pants and thong and squatted to let out a strong stream for a good minute . When she was done , she just slipped her pants back on without any regards to any piss still lingering . I didn 't need to pee that bad , so we continued on to a small 24 hour diner for some coffee . When we arrived at the diner , I really had to pee , so right after I ordered my first cup , I hit up the restroom . Luckily , because I wasn 't as desperate as Ann , I had a good stall to cover me up as I pulled down my pants and underwear and pissed a good torrent . It lasted about 30 seconds , then I tore off some paper and wiped my crotch . I redressed and joined back for a good coffee and some talk with the girls . After about 15 minutes there , we decided to call it a night , in our sobering states slightly perked up on coffee . When we hopped back on the bus , I noticed that Lauren started to fidget around . She told us that she really had to go bad from all that coffee and that she hoped to hold it for the next 20 minutes wiSometime late in the summer of last year , I 'm not sure exactly when , I was riding my bike through the park . As I was riding , I began to get an urge to poo . I rode over to the bathrooms , propped my bike up by the side of the building and went into the ladies ' bathroom . There were three toilets , all of which were available , so I took the one closest to me . I pulled down my pants and panties and I sat down , prepared for a big poo , as I hadn 't been in over a week . My butt stretched open around a big dry poo . I pushed it out with some effort . It was soon replaced with another poo of the same caliber . This one required effort , but I think less than the first . Over the next few minutes , I passed several large around poos . When I felt like I was done , I stood up to look at my poos . I saw no water in the toilet , only my big poos . I pushed the flusher even though I knew it wouldn 't work . It didn 't , but I had another problem . I felt more ready to come out and this toilet was already packed full of my poos . I moved over to the next stall and sat down to pass the rest of my poos . I again did quite a few large poos . And then once I felt empty once more I looked . Not nearly as bad as the toilet before , but there was definitely a large amount of poo . I tried to flush and it shifted my poos but didn 't complete a flush . I flushed a second time and nothing more happened . Thankfully , I was really finished that time and I began to wipe . To Herb T : It would not be convenient to use restrooms on other floors of our building . They 're for the other tenants of the building . And I do poo in front of my husband , and he does in front of me . We 've done so since we first married , even on our honeymoon . Eileen H , both of your stories were really good . I couldn 't help but think , some days you just can 't win . You waited over 3 hours to use the restroom because it stunk , and then when you returned your friend returned and had a stinky dump . I 'm surprised she decided not to go the first time as it sounded like she was in a hurry then . As for the other story , great description of how difficult it was to hold in . I felt bad for you as it sounded as if you were having a difficult enough time before the teacher came with the kids and then you had to wait 15 more minutes . Well I 'm glad you got in there in time for what sounded like a very relieving dump . Jenn , great story . Sounded like a terrible dump , but after Taco Bell , Thai and a greasy breakfast , not surprising . Sorry , it ended up being embarassing for you . I had my first accident when I was 12 . It happened in class & I 'd been feeling a little off colour all morning . During afternoon lessons I felt a sudden & very urgent need to use the toilet but was too embarrassed to ask to to leave the soon so I held it . I could feel a huge amount of pressure in my bowels & knew I wouldn 't make it untill home time so I swallowed my pride & put my hand up to ask for permission to leave the soon . Unfortunately we had a very strict teacher & he wouldn 't let me leave the room . I knew I was about to poo myself so I begged him to let me go but he still refused . I sat rigidly in my seat , praying I 'd make it untill home time but after ten minutes of agony my bowels had a biological need to be emptied & there was absolutely nothing I could do to prevent it . I just relaxed & flooded my knickers untill they couldn 't contain any more of the smelly liquid . It then started to rise up my back & out the of the legs of my knickers . It really stank & by the time the teacher realised I was having an accident It was cascading onto the floor & forming a puddle under my chair . It was very embarrassing but such a huge relief I didn 't even try to stop it . The teacher sent me to the school nurse & she cleaned me up & found me some shorts from lost property to go home in . My mum had to collect me from school together with my soiled clothes that had been put in a plastic bag . As I 've mentioned before as a teenager , I often used to hold my poo for several days at a time & it usually resulted in constipation which I had to take laxatives for before I could empty my bowels . That wasn 't the only problem because my mum wouldn 't let me go in our own toilet as I kept blocking it with my enormous poos . Well once when I was 15 I 'd held my poo for 7 days & was feeling very bloated so I took a laxative to get things moving . I was getting ready for school & my mum saw me with the laxative & warmed me I would have to find somewhere other than our bathroom to do my business because she didn 't want the toilet getting blocked again . To avoid this problem I planned to go in the woods on my way home from school . When I got to school I went to the toilets to try & go but it was on use . All I could get out was a couple of nuggets . I have up & took a toilet roll & put it in my bag for later . I then went off to class . l as the day went on I began to feel the effects of the laxative but instead of going to the toilet at lunch time I decided to hold it untill home time in case I blocked the school toilets . I took my lunch break & went to back to afternoon classes . By about 2 : 00 I really had to go & I still had an hour & a half to wait untill home time . I had to clench hard against the rising pressure in my bowels & by the time the 3 : 30 bell went I was close to doing it in my pants . It hurt to keep clenching & by the time I got to the woods I was so glad I 'd made it in time . There was one problem though . A 12 " high fence had been put up around the woods . There was no way I could scale it in my situation & I was out of options . I had a major stomach ache & there was only one way to relieve the pain . I really did not want to mess my pants in public so I kept clenching as hard as I could & took my chances with my mum letting me use the toilet when I got home . The walk to my house was the longest ever & very painfull . As soon as I got in my mum knew by the expression on my face I needed to go very very badly . Of Massive Easter Dinner Load Easter dinner was a large event with many people . Was hosted at my best friends place . He & I knew each other since we were about 10 . It was me , him , his brother , his wife , his sister , and his wife 's sister . The ladies are very nice ( in terms of traits and phyiscal attributes ) , sadly none of them needed the bathroom during the evening . We served ham , potatoes , vegetables , bread , and dessert . We all ate around 6 , and by about 10 ish , I was farting up a storm . Long , buzzing , drawn out farts that didn 't stink . 10 : 45 rolled around , and I felt the need to take an urgent dump . I took the seat , and blasted out a 5 second long echo fart . Another few seconds and a continiuous log crept out of me at a rapid pace . Coming out it made no sounds , aside from a ' THOONK ! ' , signalling the end . I stood and inspected : about 10 inches long , 1 . 5 - 2 thick , light brown & smooth . It took many wipes because it was a soft load . The first 3 were smeared on the tp . When I flushed , it was a if the load ' blew up ' . There were a few skid marks and left over pieces . I felt so relived and wanted to be a tad risque , so I didn 't flush a second time . Such a bad boy . Hi Trekkie , yes I am still here . Thank you for your kind words and yes , Max is the best big brother a girl could have . I quit posting for two reasons ; one - havent had any recent stories and two - I did not think anyone cared to read my stories . But since you asked I will post more for you . Just have to go back and see what childhood stories I have already written about . Herb T . Hello everyone - Herb T . here - I hope everyone is having a good Easter Sunday . The wife and I went to church at 5 , after eating lunch at her brother 's house and playing a little poker . I lost , but fortunately , it was only $ 2 haha . When we showed up at church , they were closed . It was almost like deja vu , because the same thing happened last year - I guess most Catholic churches have different schedules on special days - Easter , Christmas , etc . Oh well - we prayed in front of a statue out front and went home . I 'm not super religious , but she is . She 'd commented as we were headed to church that she had to go poo . She said the same thing as we were head home , so I assumed that she had to go pretty bad . She pooed in the morning too , which is unusual , because she usually only goes once a day . When we got home , I wanted to linger around the bathroom and bother her , but our dogs were going crazy and I had to take them out . Bummer , but oh well . As soon as we got in the house , she headed right up to the master bathroom , and I was stuck with walking the dogs . Luckily , both dogs went potty pretty quick , so we high tailed it back to the house . I went right upstairs into the bedroom . There is a door that separates the toilet from the rest of the bathroom area , but we usually just keep the door open . Sure enough , she was sitting there on the toilet and it stunk - bad . Our Yorkie jumped up on the bed , and I pretended that I was getting something out from under the bathroom counter . She said that her logs were long , but she 'd already flushed them down . I went over to the toilet and gave her a few playful slaps on the butt and told her that it really stunk . I asked her how long her logs were , and she said there were two logs - one about 7 inches , and one that was 8 inches . That is a pretty big dump for a woman of her size , unless she was exaggerating . I left her alone in the bathroom to wipe her bottom and went back downstairs and played a little XBOX 360 . I enjoy watching her on the toilet and seeing her logs in the toilet , wheNearly shit my pants I posted a story awhile back about a great shit I had in the men 's room at work . I was at a friend 's birthday party last night . It was fun . We went out to dinner . I ate a sandwich , duck fries , and chickpea fries . The dinner was good . I had a few beers . The place we went to has hundreds of beers . We went for coffee for desserts and a dive bar to wrap up the evening . I 'm walking home and I get this massive , massive urge to shit . A few times I had to stop and hold my ass so I wouldn 't shit myself . Finally I get to my apartment building , run up the stairs , rush into my apartment . I didn 't even take off my sneakers , I ran to the bathroom . I had a fecal monster that was furious . I almost shit myself in the bathroom . I rip my jeans and boxer briefs down to my ankles , sit my hairy ass on the crapper , and blast out a torrent of shit . It was solid , it was liquid , it was diarrhea , it was a freakin mess ! I checked my bbs and there was no shit in them , what a relief . I thought for sure I had shit my pants . Finished my shit , flushed it down , had some water and Immodium and crashed . Dans survey responses I went to the podiatrist the other day . My podiatrist is a young woman doctor , very good looking , and tall , with dark hair , great legs , and wonderful looking butt . I 've been to see her a couple of times over the past couple of years . I was surprised at how young she was , but she 's got all kinds of degrees and is known to be a good podiatrist . Anyway , a nurse called me from the waiting room and led me to the room to see the doctor . As we approached the room , the young doctor came from the other direction . She smiled and said hello , and said she 'd be with me in a few minutes . She then turned into a restroom . The nurse led me to the examining room that was right next to the restroom and told me to sit down and the doctor would be in shortly . I sat down and I could hear some noise from the restroom next door . I was very quiet and I could distinctly hear some rustling of clothes then quiet as the doctor apparently sat down on the toilet . I heard her begin to pee profusely . It was very audible . As her pee was winding down to a trickle , I heard a BAAAAARRPPPTTT fart . Then it was quiet and I heard heavy plop , plop , plop , plop , plop . About 5 plops , then a brief quiet spell , then another short burst fart , BAARPT , then two more heavy sounding plops . I heard toilet paper being unrolled , and she wiped about 4 times . She flushed , I heard her washing her hands , then the door opening . Immediately she knocked on my door and came in and said hello , and asked how she could help me . It was all I could do to concentrate on my foot ailment as I 'd just heard this hot doctor taking a noisy dump right next door . I was a bit surprised she didn 't realize someone could hear through the walls , but I could . The best doctor visit I 've ever had ! Hey . I 've been a visitor to this site for ageees but this is my first post . My favourite stories are about girls with stomach aches so if anybody knows any good stories about that previously posted please let me know . Now here 's my story : Me and my two best friends Chloe and Katy were staying in Chloe 's one night . We were all lying in bed when Katy done the loudest fart , we all laughed then thought nothing of it . Ten minutes later Katy groaned and said " Guys I feel really sick . I think I ate too much earlier and now I have a really bad stomach . " We asked if there was anything we could do but she said she 'd feel okay soon . Throughout the night I kept my eye on Katy who kept groaning and wincing . At about midnight she rolled up her top and rubbed her sore belly with her hand , after doing this for about ten minutes she let out another massive bottom burp . Katy had been doing smaller farts all night and Chloe said " For God 's sake Katy , stop the farting . " But Katy yelled " Shut up Chloe it 's helping my ? ? ? ? . " So Chloe suggested that Katy took a trip to the bathroom . Katy said no as we had never been for a number 2 in eachother 's houses before . Shortly after this we went to sleep but in the middle of the night I awoke to see Katy walking towards the bathroom rubbing her belly furiously . Chloe woke too and after Katy had been gone for ten minutes I asked Chloe if we should go and check on her . Chloe said Katy would be embarrassed but I was worries about my friend so got up and knocked on thr bathroom door . " Is everything okay in there Katy ? " I asked , " Yeah I 'm sure I 'll be fine , I just have a bad belly that 's all . " Said Katy . Then I heard an echoing trumping noise and a splash of runny sounding poop . " Do you need any help with anything ? " I asked , " No , just go back to bed I 'll be done soon . " She moaned . As I was walking back I heard five quick plops and more runnier stuff escaping Katy 's stomach . Ten and two flushes later Katy came back in . " How are you feeling now ? " Asked Chloe . But you could already see the relief on Katy 's face " You have no idea how much better I feel . " Katy laughed , " I should have gone to the toilet ages ago . " We were all glad Katy was okay , she must have ate something that didn 't agree with her poor stomach . Some my parents ' friends who are Irish had a St Patrick 's day party on 17th March and they invited me as their DJ , because my specialty is 1960s and 1970s music . They also invited all their friends and neighbours and their large house was packed full . There was plenty of Guinness and wine and most of the guests were in their 40s , 50s or 60s but they certainly knew how to party . One lady called Sue asked me to play some music by Simon and Garfunkel from the classic 1960s film ' The Graduate ' . I think that Mrs Robinson in the film had given her some ideas as she asked me to dance with her . That 's why I call myself Ben , after Ben , The Graduate in the film . It 's about 20 years since I was a graduate and Sue is old enough to be my mother . During a slow dance , Sue held me close then half way through the dance she whispered something that Mrs Robinson never said in the film , " Excuse me Ben , I must go and sit on the toilet " . I had noticed that women who have raised children often seem to be more open about toilet matters . I thought I would try and see if Sue was like this . When Sue got back , she apologised for leaving suddenly in the middle of a dance . I had seen her drinking Guinness and I asked her if it has the same effect on her as it has on me . She asked me how it affects me and I whispered , " It gives me ' the runs ' if I drink too much . " Sue said that she had only drunk two cans but she has a sensitive stomach . " It makes me wee a lot and it makes my bowels loose " , she whispered . Sue knew that I knew about computers and she said that she had a problem with her PC . Sue invited me round to her house the following Saturday to have dinner and help her with her PC . I went round to Sue 's house , set up her PC then we had dinner with a bottle of wine between us . I plugged my MP3 player into her stereo and played some of her favourite 1960s music tracks . Then we settled down on the sofa and Sue snuggled up close to me . Then I heard some noises from Sue 's stomach and she said " Excuse me , I need to run to the toilet " . When she got back , I stroked her stomach and whispered , " Are your bowels loose ? " She asked me if I really wanted to know about her bowels and I said that I would like to know all the details . She said that her bowels were quite loose tonight but that was normal for her . She was recently diagnosed with Diverticulosis so she has to eat a high fibre diet so that everything slips through her digestive system easily . She said that she eats a large bowl of bran cereal with prunes or dried apricots and an apple for breakfast . Then her lunch includes another apple and she drinks three sachets of fibre supplement drink before going to bed . That keeps her bowels regular and she usually has to do a poo three times a day . She said that her poo is very soft and the urge to poo often comes on suddenly . She said that she can 't hold it for long so she needs to get to a toilet quickly . Then Sue stroked my stomach and asked , " How about you , how To keep costs down , they camped in the van by the side of the road most nights and in Europe they only stopped at a camp site every few days , to make use of the showers and washing facilities . Once they got outside Europe , there were few proper camp sites . I asked Sue whether the van had a toilet compartment and she said it didn 't so when they weren 't at a camp site , they went to the toilet in the bushes , if there were any . Sue said that she didn 't mind weeing outdoors but at the start of the trip , she had never done a poo outdoors and she was a bit shy about it . She used to hold her poo until they stopped at a camp site with proper toilets . Not surprisingly she became constipated so as soon as they got to a camp site with toilets , she took a good dose of the laxative pills that her mother had given her . She said that the pills usually took 6 - 12 hours to work then it felt like a kick inside her stomach and she had to make a quick dash to the camp site toilet . One day , the laxative pills hadn 't worked by the time they left the camp site . About an hour later , Sue felt the familiar kick inside her stomach and she told Chris that he needed to stop the van NOW . Sue jumped out but there was no cover so she squatted down by the side of the van and did an urgent poo onto the ground in full view of the passing traffic . After that , when they weren 't on a camp site , Sue used to go off with Debbie or Chris to find a place to do their morning poo outdoors . They used a garden trowel to dig a hole in the ground , then they took turns to poo into the hole before burying it . They drove across Europe to Istanbul then they continued through Turkey , Iran , Afghanistan and Pakistan . Things were very different in those days . Some of the mountain roads were rough , twisting and winding and Sue used to suffer from travel sickness . Sometimes she would sit in the back of the van clutching her potty and being sick into it . Sue said that she has a sensitive stomach and after they left Europe , she had diarrhea for most of the trip . When they were driving on the open road with no bushes , they would stop that van so that Sue could get out and squat by the side of the van for a poo . I asked her what happened when there were people around . She said that she did it in her potty in the back of the van . She said that when she had diarrhea she used a lot of toilet paper and their stock were getting low so Chris told her to use less . She said that the only way to use less was if he wiped her bum for her so that he could see exactly what needed wiping . She said he used to do that and she rather enjoyed it . Having diarrhea flushed Sue 's contraceptive pills through her digestive system and Sue became pregnant . Her parents paid for her air fare to fly home from Delhi . Sue and Chris got married and they were happy together . Their son Mike was born in 1970 which made him a year older than me . Mike had a successful career in banking in the City of London and then his bank offered him a transfer to their New York office so he emigrated , taking his wife and children with him . Chris was 7 years older than Sue and sadly he died last year . Sue started to cry and she said had been very lonely since then . She hugged me and said how much she had enjoyed our evening together and it was so nice to be able to talk about her bowels with a new friend . I told Sue how much I had enjoyed the evening . I said that since my mother died a few years ago , I had no - one to turn to for advice . Sue said that she was happy to give me advice and I said it wasn 't the sort of thing that I would have ever told my mother . We snuggled up togetheI had seen a camper van parked outside Sue 's house and Sue said it was called ' Daisy 3 ' . She and Chris used to spend all their vacations in ' Daisy 3 ' and its predecessors ' Daisy 2 ' and ' Daisy 1 ' . They loved the freedom to go as they pleased but in England , just about every place to stop other than a proper camp site has signs saying ' No overnight parking ' . Sue loved the Highlands of Scotland , which are more remote and there are some places to pull off the road and park overnight where no - one will bother you . ' Daisy 3 ' was nearly 20 years old now and she had quite a thirst for gasoline . With gas in Britain currently costing the equivalent of about US $ 8 . 40 per US gallon Sue worked out that for a 1400 mile round trip , the gas would cost about US $ 700 . It would be nice if two or three people could share the cost and share the driving . She said is would also be nice if I could go with them and be their mechanic in case they had any problems with the van . I asked who the third person would be and Sue said that she would invite her friend Debbie who was on the overland trip to India in 1969 . " You 'll probably get on well with Debbie " , Sue said , " She 's even crazier than I am and even more open about her toilet habits " . I said that I would love to go to Scotland for a week in the camper van with Sue and Debbie . Then Sue and I hugged each other , we kissed goodnight and I went home . The next day , Sue phoned me to say that Debbie did want to join the trip and that they planned to leave London on 29th April , the day of the Royal Wedding , as it was a public holiday and they weren 't too interested in watching the wedding on TV . I think Stac gives us all a good reminder when using public toilet stalls : latch the door and then test it . It 's not unusual for rude people - - especially children - - to try and jiggle a lock . Just last week I had an obnoxious boy , who might have been a year younger than Adam , get down on his hands and knees and look in on me before reporting up to his mom that " It 's a lady . " Lucky for me , I heard his mom telling him never to get down on the floor and look under the stall door . He laughed as she corrected him and I could hear her get progressively more stern with him . Adam 's mother never should have let him enter the bathroom alone , even if she was four or five seconds behind him . There was no excuse whatever for her swearing . Shoving the boy backwards with the door to the point where he fell over , was probably a little too rough for his age , but Stac would have no way of knowing that . I , too , like to shit in peace . Before shoving the door shut , I think I would have called out to his mother for help , but I don 't know if Stac immediately knew that she was in the room . So I haven 't had time to get on this weekend due to Easter keeping me busy and as such I haven 't gone to go look at what I left outside in the daylight yet . Maybe I will today . As for pooping I 've taken 2 dumps in quite a rush and didn 't even think to peek in at them but they both came out quick and painless . Neither were of epic proportions . I have been taking leaks a lot lately b / c of all the caffeine I 've needed to keep going I accompany the high caffeine drinks with vitamin water and Gatorade so that I flush some of the bad stuff out fast . Friday I was I Detroit seating up for a Good Friday event and peed 12 time in 16 hours . I peed in all the urinals in the lower level bathroom at once just cause I wanted . Saturday I peed maybe 6 - 7 times in a 10 hour work day . I did two antifreeze yellow / green pees outside behind the dumpster . Once b / c someone was in the bathroom the other when I was taking out the trash . I don 't remember which day it was but one time when I went I went outside for distance and went over 15ft . Sunday I was down to 6 times all day . That 's all for now I have to leak bad . 4 ) What type of farts do you do ? Do you have a preference ? Normally just . . . well , normal farts , I don 't really know how to describe them ! Now for my story . Leanne , I read your last story about pooing in the park with your friend and I decided to poo outside in my local park too ! Yesterday ( Saturday ) I had to poo quite early in the afternoon but it looked like rain so I held it in for a bit . By the time the skies cleared I had to go pretty badly , so I walked to the park . There weren 't that many people there because it had looked like rain , so I went in and off the path into a patch of woods . There I found a spot where I couldn 't be seen from the path but could still look out at the path , at roughly the same spot I was when I tried pooing outside last year . I dropped my jeans and panties to my knees and bent down so my bum was sticking out and my thighs were at an almost 90 degree angle to my shins , since I didn 't fancy properly squatting . I weed a bit first and then my turd began to slide out of my bum . It crackled quietly as it came out and flopped onto the ground . My next log was a bit harder and bigger so I gave a good push and it came halfway out . But then I heard crackling that wasn 't coming from my bum ! Someone else was coming in to the woods ! I froze . I looked and I could see someone coming into the trees . It was a woman , about 30 - 35 , who was in jogging gear . She looked around but didn 't see me and so she dropped her trousers and knickers and squatted down facing away from me . Here I was with a big log sticking out of my bum and someone else not far away going to the loo as well ! I didn 't want to make a noise in case she heard me , but my poo was working its way out . The woman started to pee which I could hear , and then my poo broke off and fell to the ground . Luckily she didn 't hear anything and after her wee she got up and carried on running . I pushed out my final log and a little piece of poo and wiped with some toilet paper I had brought with me . Then I pulled up my panties and jeans and snuck out of the trees and went back home with nobody any the wiser ! Hi everyone . I dont think the 1st story of my wife 's sister got through . About 5yrs ago I used to work lateshifts and it wasn 't unusual to wake up at midday . This particular saturday got up had a waz and ran the bath , the taps were slow . Went downstairs and had a mug of tea with my wife and chatted awhile . She was going grocery shopping and would be an hour or so . Back upstairs to turn off the hot tap and back down to make my breakfast . There was a ring at the door & it was my wife 's sister an attractive woman in her early 50s . She was wearing charcoal grey hipster trousers and a wine coloured roll neck sweater , as an aside she 's quite refined local tennis , bridge & golf scene . Made her a coffee & sandwich and chatted while she waited for my wife . I was about to excuse myself to take my bath when she blushed and said she needed the loo and hurried upstairs . Earlier that week i 'd rerouted some central heating pipes so the ceiling tiles in the kitchen were removed and not yet replaced & this was under the loo so one could see the underside of the bathroom floorboards & of course hear everything . I heard her pull down her trousers & panties and let out a thunderous fart as she sat down followed by 5secs of loose motion she plaintively said oh no then gushing pee . All was silent for a minute or two then a fusilade of farts & plops . Copious amounts of TP was pulled then a flush washing of hands then downstairs . Couple of mins later went to take my bath and reaching the bathroom was greeted with a strong sulpherous smell which I found quiet arousing . I lifted the toilet lid and felt the still warm seat but the icing on the cake were small ragged turds floating along with a sheet of her TP showing her skidmarks . I didnt flush til after my bath for I wanted to " savour " every moment ! Hi to everyone . Bye for now Hermes Hello all ! Hope you are all OK . Dan - thankyou for your comments , although I 'd rather remain as anonymous old Hermes for the forseeable future . I find this forum is a healthy way of getting things off my chest without anyone getting hurt , putting anyone in trouble , or winding up my friends who ( generally ) would not understand my interest . There was a brief period of quiet followed by a BOOOOWEEEEE noise as she farted on the toilet . The was followed by a BOOOWEEEFRAAPPKERSPLUUUUUUUUUUUUNK ! as she farted and pooped what sounded like a cannon ball ! There was another brief period of quiet followed by a gentle soft sounding FLOOP - FLOOOP _ FLOOP as three soft poos came out . Sorry to hear about your ordeal at the clothing store . I would have felt embarrassed about that as well . However , when you 've gotta go , you 've gotta go . I admit , though , instead of holding it like you did , whenever I feel the urge to have a bowel movement I immediately go see about reliving myself as soon as possible . That way , I can avoid accidents like that one you had . When the urge to go hits , it is advisable not to ignore it and hold it for too long . Keep this in mind , if you will . Thankfully , in my lifetime , I have been able to avoid most bathroom - related accidents . However , I distinctively recall a time from the early 1980s , at age 11 , when I was at a dental checkup appointment . I was lying in one of those reclining chairs , with tooth polish all over the inside of my mouth , when I felt the urge to pee . Unfortunately , there was no way I could alert a nurse to my situation , and so I held it for as long as I could . When the dental assistant finally came back in , I told her I really needed to go pee . And as she helped me out of the chair , my pee suddenly released on its own and I completely soaked the blue jeans I had on . I was so embarrassed I started crying . Until that day , I never thought I could release that much urine at one time . There must have been enough to fill an entire iced tea glass ! ! For a then 11 - year - old girl , I must have had one huge bladder . I 'm thankful that both the nurse and my mom were sympathetic , but I still had to lie in the dental chair until after the nurse was finished with me and got approval from the dentist himself . The 17 mile ride home was not fun , either , because I had no clean change of clothes to put on . My mom didn 't even think to make a quick errand out to the local Wal - Mart store and get me a new and clean pair of jeans to change into . Anyway , I am thankful my pee didn 't stink up the inside of our jeep on the way home , because otherwise my father would 've had something to say about it - and let me tell you , back then he was extremely temperamental . I was often afraid of him , but he soon mellowed out in his later years and we 're now much closer . The only other times I have had accidents were when I felt like I was in need to simply release a fart , but it came out as diarrhea instead . This would usually happen at night , while I was in bed asleep or trying to fall asleep . I recall one accident that was so bad , at age 24 , I ended up having to change my sheets at about 2 in the morning . NOT FUN ! ! And the smell was absolutely horrendous ! I then had to take a quick rinse - off shower to clean myself up afterwards . I am so thankful I didn 't wake either one of my parents or my younger brother . But then , if I had , they would 've understood my plight . And I wasn 't even sick or having my period at that time , either . Just one of those feminine things that happen every once in a while , I suppose . I wish I had some new reports to share with everyone today , but I have not had anything major for a while - just small bits and pieces and / or diarrhea , and NOT even a single full - sized , long , fat turd to report . Like I said , my big turds are a thing of the past , unfortunately . I admit I am so envious of some of you ladies who often report having huge BMs that tend to measure 3 inches or more in thickness and more than two feet in length . Any of you ladies or guys capable of doing this must have very high metabolism , something I haven 't had in quite some time . Okay , everybody , that 's all from me for a while . Keep the good stories coming , because I really do enjoy reading them . Anyway , take care and happy pooping / peeing to all . Emma - thanks for your comments , I enjoyed your story about holding your poo . My trouble is that I can hold it for ages , especially when I first feel I need a poo . Quite often I put off going because I don 't have time , I 'm at school or I know I won 't get any peace at home with people coming in and out of the house , usually what happens then is that my need goes away , sometimes for as much as a couple of days . I then get a much stronger urge which I can only put off for a few hours . The problem is by then I often struggle to push my poo out as its got really hard , apparantly the longer your poo stays inside you the more water gets absorbed from it so it gets harder and drier . Anyway , back to my story about what happened when we got home from our shopping trip . It seemed like it was going to be an evening of embarasing incedents , luckily something happened to each one of us so it could have been worse ( and typically , what happened to me involved using the loo ! ) . The first thing happened to Lauren on the way home , she unzipped her bag to find some sunblock - we were waiting for the bus in the sun and it was a really warm day - and she somehow managed to pull a pair of knickers out of her bag at the same time and drop them on the pavement ! Luckily I don 't think anyone but us noticed as we were standing in a huddle , but she still went really red . As we were waiting I could feel that I still had more turds inside me which wanted out , even though I 'd already been for a poo in the shopping centre toilets I knew I 'd have to go again when we got back to Lucy 's . I noticed Amy squirming a bit and guessed she wanted a poo as well . The second embarasing thing happened to Lucy when we got back home , she showed us up to her room and then blushed as there was a big pile of white bras and rather grim looking flowery knickers on her bed , her mum had obviously sorted the washing before going out and left them there for Lucy to put away , which she did at top speed ! At that point Amy said she needed the toilet , so Lucy showed her the bathroom and we went back to her room . We were all chatting so I didn 't get to hear much apart from a few plops when there was a pause in the conversation , after about 5 minutes Amy was back looking releaved . We then had tea and about an hour after that decided to get ready for bed so we could watch a film . As I got undressed I realised I 'd have to go for a poo as soon as I was in my nightie as I was getting more and more desperate by the second . Everyone else was undressing round me , it was obviously now Amy 's turn for something embarasing to happen because as she pulled her shorts down her pants came down with them , what was worse she was only wearing her bra so she had no toLauren slowly poked her head round the door and looked embarased to see me sitting on the loo with my pants round my thighs . " Could you ask Lucy to fetch me some more toilet paper ? " I asked as naturally as I could . " Err . . . yeah . . . sure " replied Lauren , closing the door . The next thing I knew Lucy came in and passed me some loo roll . I wiped my bum , pulled up my pants and let down my nightie , before going back to watch the film . Next page : Old Posts page 2025 >< Previous page : 2027 Back to the Toilet ToiletStool . com , " Boldly bringing . com to your bodily functions . " Go to Page . . . Forum Survey
|
When we pulled into the parking lot , there was already a large group of ladies already gathered . We all said hello and then walked out to the driving range . Three ladies carried out their bags of golf clubs , probably those that actually play golf regularly . We got several baskets of yellow golf balls from the dispenser at the bottom of the hill , before climbing up to the driving range . We each got a bunch of balls and tried to send them flying . Most of mine went further than others because of the force I was putting behind them . It wasn 't until the third round or so before I could lift the ball with any consistency . While we all struggled to emulate the experts hitting balls from the grass , more Rotarians arrived in clusters . After a while , we stopped and followed the instructor lady through the playing of one hole , before walking back to in front of the restaurant by the parking lot . We gathered back together on a practice putting green for a lesson on putting and a competition . We had to put for three holes and record the number of hits . I got seven four four . After that we went inside and sat down at two long tables . I ended up sitting next to my mother and across the way from my counselor . We had little bits of bread as the club president made a small speech that I couldn 't make heads or tails of . Then we had dinner , which was delicious . As people finished up their meals , prices were awarded for the top three places . Those people had seven , eight , and nine total . I remarked to my mother that I got eight . . . in two holes . Then it was my turn to speak . I got up and talked a bit about Vermont , myself , and my family , then I asked for questions . There wasn 't an overwhelming amount of them . After I sat down , one lady across from me asked me several questions about rugby . We all ordered tea or coffee , then went to the deck to take a picture . After taking it , we went back to the tables for tea , coffee , and dessert . Dessert was some sort of eggcustard with a carmelized topping that required a little effort to crack ( apparently that 's how you can tell if the dish is well made ) . When I put the topping in my mouth it crackled and popped like pop rocks . After we finished dessert , my mother and I had to go home so that Adeele would go to sleep . However , before we left , I met my next two host mothers . One has three daughters , 16 , 14 , and 5 . The other has an eleven year old son . Sunday afternoon my father asked me if I wanted to go fishing and I said yes , so we left , just the two of us , to go back to the same place as before . We drove most of the way there and then pulled into the parking lot of a convenience store . My father explained that there is no point in fishing if you don 't bring snacks with you . We drove far out into the river before trying to fish for the first time . We didn 't have much luck and I especially didn 't . I managed to catch two branches and a lot of grass . We continued on to a lake and tried in an inlet . I got my lure stuck in a root and we had to get close enough so that I could unhook it by hand . No luck there , so we zoomed across the lake to a large stand of reeds and grass . Soon after we arrived my father caught a small fish , but had to release it because it was too small . I caught some reeds and had to remove the lure by hand once again . We moved position within the reeds several times and my father caught a couple fish which we could keep . We were close to the shore when I had to free my lure again , and accidently stabbed my middle finger with the fish hook . I yelled and turned to my father and said , " There 's a fish hook in my finger . Please help . " He climbed over to me and I winced as the shifting of the boat caused the hook to move slightly . Thankfully the barb was not in my finger and my father could just pluck the point out . After he pulled it out , he told me that at first he thought I had seen a big fish . I laughed and laughed and laughed . After sticking myself with a hook , I was understandably reluctant to fish much more . Then we started to drive around the lake slowly with our lines dragging through the water behind us . Eventually we stopped by another stand of reeds and fished some more . At one point my father swung his line back too far and his lure got stuck in my hat . I was just glad it wasn 't my face . In one of the nooks in the back of the amphitheater there was no specific image , just a bunch of random things . This was where people could try out painting with spray paint . I did a rose and if anyone sees the picture on Facebook , rest assured it was perfectly legal . When we left to go see part of the actual skating competition , we practically had to drag Adeele away from there . We went by way of a path around a pond that my mother used to use to get to school when she was young . We stopped at a bench that had just been put in that year with a bunch of names carved into it in tribute to Elva 's writers . My parents pointed out the names of the people they knew . My mother pointed out one of the competitors that they are related to , and apparently the best skateboarder in the country . We found out the next morning that he had come in second , only bested by a guy from Latvia . We didn 't stay for the whole thing , as it went well into the night , but left , got some doughnuts and went home . By the way , doughnuts here are more like fried dough and less like American doughnuts . They are crunchy on the outside and soft on the inside , and are served with powdered sugar sprinkled into the bag on top of freshly made doughnuts . They are delicious . When I woke up Saturday morning , there were three boys out in the hallway : Aksel and his two friends who are both named Kristen . Because they were here we had pancakes for breakfast . Shortly thereafter , they left to go do something and my mother told me about the many things that were happening that day . I didn 't really understand most of it , but I gathered that the new skatepark was opening that day along with some other event . But first we were going to see some relatives who live right next to the second largest lake in Estonia that is positioned almost exactly in the center of the country . We drove down there along with my mother 's parents . I sat in the back with Adeele in the middle and her vanaisa on the other side . Her vanaema sat in the front with my mother driving . It took about half an hour to get down there , but it seemed longer . We eventually got down there and were greeted by five people in front of a small cottage . As we greeted them , a huge dog bounded down to see who had come . I immediately began to pet him to avoid standing around awkwardly , and because I absolutely love dogs . I soon found out that his name was Rex and I gathered that he usually barks at strangers from the little I could glean from the conversation , coupled with the hand gestures . As we started to go inside , I stopped petting him and he rolled to his feet and jumped up on me . He was a big dog and his legs went all the way around me and his paws were bent to hold himself upright . It was the first time a dog has ever hugged me back . Then one of the younger women , Liisa , told me to come upstairs and she showed me around and told me how this used to be her grandparents cottage when they built it twenty years ago and now she and her parents live there in the summer because it is a summer house . She also showed me her collection of souvenir plates from all the countries she 's been to . There were lots of them . She also told me about how she gets a feeling sometimes in the summer , where she really wants to go someplace new and exciting and experience the culture and meet new people . We instantly had a connection . We went back downstairs and had kohvi and cake , then went outside for a walk . We went around back and saw their sauna and various gardens full of growing things . Then we went down to the lake shore and looked out over the lake . Eventually it was time to go and we piled back into the car and went home . When we got back , my mother took Adeele inside to try to put her to sleep and her grandparents took me in their car to the new skatepark and handed me off to Aksel . The two of us sat of the top bench of the three tiered bleachers and watched the skateboarders . I learned that it wasn 't just the opening of a new skatepark , it was also a big competition . I also found out that the new skatepark is now the biggest concrete skatepark in the whole of Estonia . After a while Anksel , his friends , and I decided to go see the football game that was happening in town . I expected that we were going to walk there , but only two of us did . The other three , me included , went by motorbike . I got on the back of Aksel bike , wearing a full head helmet , and we went zooming down the streets to the field . That was my first time and I was kind of scared on the turns especially , but it was still amazing . I just kept my arms around him and tried not to squeeze too hard on the corners . After dinner that night , my host parents , Adeele , and I went for a walk . We went across the football field and past the tennis courts and basketball court that I didn 't even know was there to an amphitheater where singing performances and festivals are held . On the back side there was apparently a lot of gravity , but that day professional graphic artists had been invited to make beautiful pictures on the newly painted over walls . I was surprised as we pulled up outside her office . I was expecting it to be in an office building , but it was a beautiful two story house . I was amazed that she worked in a beach house right next to the ocean . Then I realized that it couldn 't possibly be on the ocean because Tartu is nowhere near the ocean . Somehow the style of the house combined with the cries of seagulls had convinced me that it was built in front of the ocean . We went inside and she introduced me to all of her coworkers who were there . Then we went upstairs to my mother 's office and she got to work and I sat at her colleague 's desk in a spinny chair and read a pamphlet about her company . After I finished that I looked around the office , noticing the large map of Taalinn on the opposite wall and the English to Estonian dictionary of economics . Yesterday morning my mother said that she had to go to Tartu to do some things and that she was leaving Adeele at her vanaema 's house again . She then asked me if I wanted to come . At that moment , the words of every rebound , Rotex , and rotary member rang in my head : always say yes ! So I did . We got into the car and drove to the shopping center where we would trade Adeele off . I decided to wear my Spock ears that day . We went inside the shopping center and started to scan the aisles for her vanaema . Eventually she found us and our aunt was with her . My mother started to talk to her mother and my aunt started to look curiously at my ears , so I turned to give her a better look . She laughed and pointed them out to my vanaema , who looked and laughed also and touched one . As we drove down the road into the main part of Tartu , I happened to look over and I saw Erick , the Canadian exchange student living in Tartu , crossing the street and wearing a pink shirt . We stopped in a parking lot across from our first destination , the notary . Here I saw some of the first evidence of Estonia being an e - country ; my mother went on her phone and parked and paid for parking online , which is apparently the usual in Estonia . We went inside the building across the street and took an elevator to the fifth floor , where the notary was . Very soon we were met by a lady who worked there who happened to be a Rotarian from my host club . She gave my mother all the papers she needed to fill out that had been requested for her daughter Annela , who is in Florida at the moment . After we finished that we went to the police / immigration office to hand over the rest of the papers we had just received from my parents , but the lady who was handling the process wasn 't there . We went to get lunch next at a place near my mother 's office , where she was meeting a guy who was going to give her the keys that she needed . It was a nice place and the food was very good . It also had a very efficient system : you go up to the counter and place your order and pay for the food , and they pour your drink and give you a number , then you take your drink and go sit down . Later , when your food is ready , the waitress looks for your number and brings you your food . We had to go to Tartu today to hand over the rest of the paperwork so I could get my identity card to prove that I am allowed to be in the country . After we did that , I would be going to a rehearsal of my mothers chorus and then stay for the performance . With all this in mind , I stocked my briefcase with the things I would need and got ready to go . After returning to the house for my bag and the music my mother had to print out , we left for Tartu . At the police station we handed in the remaining paperwork and hoped that was what was needed , but apparently we still need more because the signatures were more than two months old . The rest can be sent by email . What I hadn 't realized , was that the next day , today , was the date of Estonia declaring its independence from Russia twenty two years ago . This performance was the Song Night Festival that starts at eight and continues until early the next morning . It is a commemoration of the Estonian people singing their way to freedom . Eva and I went around to the back of the stage and got a packet with wristbands for all of the people in her chorus and me . Then we went back to the benches in the audience seating and started giving them to the women . My mother told me that the performance would have a thousand people singing in the chorus and it would last for hours . We listened to the rehearsal for a while , got ice cream and listened some more and then it began to rain . Eventually , we ended up standing in the middle of the chorus with my aunt and her and my mothers friends . Suddenly , I was part of the chorus and singing along to the lyrics as best I could . At some point my mother had to leave for a meeting and I stayed with my aunt . A little while later , we went to eat and while I was eating Erick 's host father came up and talked to me . Apparently , they had just gotten back from London and come right there . I never did locate Erick though , we were standing on opposite sides of the stage , with the raised platform in the middle . Soon it was time for the concert to start and the amphitheater was full to bursting , with thousands upon thousands of people crammed into it . We weren 't singing in all of the songs , just about a quarter of them . The soloists of all the songs were Estonian pop stars ranging from early twenties in age to over seventy . Lines of lights running through the audience pulsed and flashed and changed color to the throbbing beats of the music . When we sang as the chorus , the music swelled and burst forth as a show of passion and pride . Estonian flags waved frantically from crowd and chorus alike and several large flags swooped back and forth above the crowd . As each song began , the crowd screamed wildly , and never more so then for Kuula , a song that won sixth place at a competition including thirty six countries . When it finished , the crowd and the chorus screamed for an encore and conductor broke down and lead us through it one more time . It was easy to tell the most popular singers and songs because ever single person would jump to their feet to cheer and sing and dance . It was Saturday afternoon , and my host parents said that we were going fishing , so I hopped in the car next to Adeele and off we went . I was expecting that we were going to fish in on of the lakes near Elva , but when we stopped and got snacks and dinneresque foods , I began to suspect we were going further away . We drove for a long while , not sure how long , and then turned onto a dirt road before passing through " the last village before the end " . After that , the dirt road became increasingly bumpy , and soon we were bouncing up and down and Adeele was shrieking with laughter . We turned around and got out of the car to load up the boat with supplies and then my host father backed the trailer up the the water 's edge , so we could push the boat into the water . After he parked the car , we all climbed into the boat and set off . We stopped to fish just at the beginning of the small inlet we had entered from . My father caught a fish right off the bat and I learned we were at the delta of the Mother River , a place like the Florida Everglades . We couldn 't catch any more fish there so we zoomed away , weaving through the river paths and passing a fishing kayaker . We stopped again and tried our luck , but couldn 't catch any , so we moved down a little ways . Here , my father caught another fish , both of them under a foot in length . Suddenly , I felt a tugging on my fishing line , and I realized that I had hooked a fish . It was about a foot and a half long and very strong . I got it close enough so we could start trying to net it , but it veered off under the grasses and shook itself free . Apparently , I had only hooked it by the lip and that had been too tentative a hold to bring in such a big fish . Eventually , it was time to head back . We got out and brought the trailer down to the water and started to winch the boat onto it . However , we had forgotten to hold the rope , and the strap slipped off the boat and the boat fell back into the water and drifted away . My father had to run down the side of the river and hook the motor with a tree branch to get it back . Finally , we got the boat strapped onto the trailer and all of the stuff into the car and set off along the bumpy road . We stopped in the village and my father showed me where we had been on the map . It turns out that if we had continued down the river , we could have gotten to two other small lakes or eventually ended up in the large lake between Estonia and Russia . My father also told me that the village used to have about a thousand people , but now it only has five families . On Saturday , I decide to go for a walk after lunch , but ended up biking because it was a great deal more appealing . I left the house with the address in my head and with the full intention of getting lost for the fun and adventure of it . I wandered around the back streets for a while and saw a house structure that had been gutted by fire . Soon after I found myself out on Kao Tee , one of the main streets , so I crossed it and continued to explore the back streets . However , I soon realized that it is most difficult to avoid ending up back on the main streets . I then decided to go to the shopping center and go somewhere else from there . When I got there I saw the map of Elva that I had forgotten about and decided to find something interesting to see . On the map I found a cemetery , so I decided to bike out there . The cemetery was located in the middle of the woods and I could hear loud music coming from somewhere behind it . It took me a moment to realize that it was , in fact , the cemetery . It wasn 't a somber gathering of aging stone clustered on a grassy clearing . It wasn 't grim in any way at all . I wandered through the gravestones on foot and observed the beautiful cemetery . It wasn 't like all the trees had been cut down to make space for it , it was more like just the underbrush and small saplings had been cleared away . Each gravestone or group of two had a well tended patch of earth surrounded by stone and pots of flowers blooming around it . Many had a small bench set upon the earth for family to sit with them for a while . There were paths through the plots with trees growing out of them and I could see a couple old ladies tending the paths and graves . The whole place had a feeling of peace and it looked like a park or garden . It was simply the most beautiful graveyard I have ever seen . I woke up that morning covered in sweat in a strange bed in a strange room . As I got up , I realized the room was stuffy because I had closed the window the night before . I got up cautiously and poked my head outside . Thankfully , there was no one in sight , so I took my clothes and shower stuff to the bathroom and tried to figure out how to wash my hair in the bathtub . Eventually I was done with my shower , so I went back to my room . I took my time unpacking my suitcase to delay my going down to breakfast . When I did go down to breakfast , it was nowhere near the terrible awkward event I had been imagining . Later I went for a walk through town with my host mother and Adeela . We walked past a library ( raamatukogu ) and the shopping center , before turning onto the somewhat less used roads leading to Adeela 's vanaema 's house . We stopped there and she made us pancakes for lunch , which is apparently what she does for anyone who walks through her door . I also met her very armas koer ( cute dog ) and it was decided that I was definitely family because she didn 't bark at me likes she does to all strangers . Later that afternoon , I went with Aksel to the football game down at the rand ( beach ) by the järv ( lake ) to see it and meet his friends . However , all his friends were apparently asleep , so we watched some of the game then got ice cream and went for a walk . We walked in a big circle , but I didn 't realize until we got back to the house . On Saturday , the five of us , Anett , and the Rotary guy from Estonia loaded ourselves into a van and drove down to Helsinki to catch a huge ferry to Tallinn . The Canadians sat together in far back and took turns sleeping on each other . Once we got the harbor , we could see that our ferry was green and yellow and as large as some cruise ships . Once on board , we went directly to the buffet for dinner and sat at a table next to the window . The trip went by in a flash and before we knew it , the coastline was visible on the horizon . We drove off the ferry and parked to wait for the host families . I was the only one not nervous at this point , because I learned that I was going with Erick and his host family to their home in Tartu , where I was then going to be picked up by my host family . When we arrived in Tartu , we drove through the city center and then outward toward Elva . Shortly , we got to his house where my host parents were waiting for me . My new mother gave me a bouquet of flowers and my new father handed me an Estonian flag as we greeted each other . And then we were off for another 25 minutes of driving to their house in Elva . On the way , I learned that some family and friends were waiting for us at home for a barbecue party . When we got there , I was introduced to everyone first , before being shown to to the room I would be staying in . After that , we went back outside to rejoin the party . I have to admit that when I approached the group the first time , I felt an overwhelming desire to turn and run away , but forcing my jiggly legs to keep moving . I sat down at the table next to one of the friends and opposite the friend from Latvia . We were having potato salad and a variety of meats . It was all very delicious . For dessert there was a cake made of a sort of jogurt that is a gel type thing filled with berries with a cookie bottom and topped with a blueberry message that read : Welcome Molly . I made friends with my host sister when she handed her container of bubble solution and I proceeded to blow lots of bubbles for her to pop , including a Thus it was past midnight by the time I retired to my room . It is a very beautiful room with wooden furniture . In one dresser , I found a letter from my host sister who is in Florida . It had a lot of information about my new family and was incredibly helpful . I 'm sitting in the lobby at the moment , watching most of the other exchange students meet their families and talk to them . There are only a few of us leaving here without meeting our families face to face . Us Estonians make up the majority of this group , as we will be meeting them in Taallin ( sp ? ) . The rest is the people whose families are unable to be here at this time for one reason or another . Earlier today we met with our correspondents and district leaders . The USA correspondent was with the Finnish Outbounds in New York , so we meet with Liisa instead . Then I went to the district meeting and was with Liisa again . She brought up my blog and observed that it was last updated early in the morning , at about 5 . I was a bit confused , so I checked it out and turns out the clock is off by a lot . I 'm not even sure what time zone it 's on . Most likely , you have concluded that it cannot possibly be his real name . You would be right , his real name is Alejandro . He doesn 't know I call him that yet , but he will soon . He probably won 't realize that I actually do know his name . The story behind it comes from last night , Cosy Night . We had a large talent show with both individual and country acts . I recited a poem and there were three people playing the piano and Alaska playing violin . There were others as well , there was a funny video about why Italy is no different than the rest of Europe , and Japanese exercises , and dances . The country acts were great . The Mexicans danced several common dances to music , Alejandro is Mexican , by the way . He was wearing a black Mexican suit with silver embroidery , and a black sombrero . When he sat down and took off his hat , I looked at him and the first thing I thought was Zorro ! so I started to refer to him as Zorro . There was also a German boy who beat out the rhythm of every song against his chair so I refer to him as ' music in his soul ' , however , I actually do not know his name . The name is because of the thought thread that drifted through my mind as I looked at him . He is not in my district though . Yesterday , instead of afternoon lessons we all piled onto three buses to Tampere . When we first arrived in the city , we stopped at a park and collected a guide for each bus . Our guide talked to us about the history of Tampere and pointed out all the things that make Tampere special . We learned that Tampere is the third largest city in Finland , home to the largest gravel cliff in the world and two splendid buildings built with absolutely no straight lines or corners . One is a library , and one is a cathedral . We stopped at the cathedral and went inside because it is open to the public . Inside we saw the majestic stained - glass windows and large paintings stretching across whole walls , each with its own potential for a story to be told of it . The artist did not paint all of them with something in mind , but by the time he finished they all had been given stories . There is one that stretches across the upper wall of naked boys carrying a long garland of roses that is said to represent life . The boys show how life feels at different times , sometimes it is easily carried under the left arm , sometimes it is heavy enough to make you stoop under the weight , and sometimes it pricks you . Another painting shows death pruning the gardens of life , and the ceiling shows the snake of evil with an apple in its mouth hemmed in by the angel wings of good . My favorite however , is a smaller painting that we could glimpse on the second floor of two men carrying a wounded angel with a white cloth tied around her eyes on a stretcher . Now I know where Nightwish got the idea for their Aramanth music video . I spent the whole time people watching and learned a couple things about Finns . They are very quiet when walking outside , we could only here their conversations when we were right next to them . As all four of us were American , our loud voices stood out , but no one stared , as a matter of fact , no one made eye contact for more than a few seconds , even if they were having a conversation . Also , Finn walk close to each other , a matter of inches , but do not touch each other at all . The one people I saw touching were married or dating couples or parents with their children . Even friends walking together did not even bump arms occasionally . It was quite interesting , and one of my friends nearly got hit by a bus . The Finns make an art of not making contact , whether person to person or bus to person or bikes to person . There were a lot of bikes and people could be seen riding everywhere . Outside nearly every store there was a collection of bikes in a bike rack . For the Finns , there are five times to eat . Breakfast , as I just described , lunch , Kaffe , dinner , and evening snack . You would think that we would be eating a ton of food , but no one really is . At lunch there is usually potatoes , salad , rice sometimes , and meat sauce . To drink there is water , milk , and home - brewed beer ( ick ) . There is also a sort of soft creamy berry dessert to go with lunch . For Kaffe , there is one sort of food , a coffee cake , muffin , or bun sort of thing , and juice that also appears at breakfast . Of course , there is also tea , coffee , and hot chocolate . Dinner is more meat and potatoes , and tends to have fish . They serve home - brewed beer at this time too . Evening snack is usually something that is considered very finnish , like the thin pancakes , like crepes , that were served with sugar and jam . There 's nothing quite like being told that the beliefs you had of Santa in your childhood were stupid . This is essentially what happened to me today when we discussed the Christmas traditions of Finland . The lady giving the lecture was describing the Santa of Finland . " Santa comes in the door , " she says , " not the chimney , because that is stupid , there 's a door ! " " He doesn 't fly , because that is stupid , his sleigh is pulled by reindeer . Reindeer walk across the snow . " " He doesn 't live at the North Pole , that 's stupid , no one lives there . He lives on a mountain in the northeast part of Finland . " Apparently , in Finland each family hires a Santa to visit their house and bring presents to their children . The good children sing a special song to welcome Santa into their homes . It seems that it is quite a good way to celebrate the holiday . Also , I learned that to the Finns , the Santa 's Workshop in the north is just a tourist attraction and that Santa really lives on ear mountain . At least , that 's what I think it is . So I 'm here at language camp with at least a hundred other inbounds from all over the world . Walking through the camp , I can hear at least four other languages , and each being spoken at a rapid - fire pace . However , most of the people hear speak English at least passingly well , and it is the language most people are being taught in . We are split into cabins , and all the people in mine are wonderful . Last night Rowan , someone from my cabin , cooked up scrambled brownies in a pan using only Nesquick chocolate mix , flour , and milk . They actually tasted like brownies too . I have met a lot of people already and I am meeting more every day . My blazer is growing heavy already under the weight of so many pins that I traded for . I also have a lot of business cards . There are six of us going to Estonia , two Canadians , two Americans , one German , and one Mexican . However , the Mexican hasn 't arrived yet . We have separate lessons with the Rotex student from Estonia . They are going well , the lessons that is . Yesterday , I experienced my first true Finnish sauna . It was amazing . Afterwards , I jumped into the lake and came out feeling quite refreshed . Before the sauna , I had been swimming , which was great , and rowing , which was also fun . On the plane I sat between two ladies and had a good long conversation with the one to my right . She was from Houston , Texas and was going to Iceland for a holiday . Previously , for work , she had traveled a lot and had been to Estonia once . I am now in the airport in Boston awaiting the plane that will take me to Iceland . As I arrived in Boston I had butterflies fluttering about in my stomach and I felt anxious and nervous along with a mounting sense of excitement and adventure . Once I checked my bag , we had dinner at a grill in the airport and I felt the nervousness burn away and I was almost giddy with excitement . When I said good - bye to my parents , my mom kept hugging me so I had to remind her to let me hug dad too . Once I got beyond the security check without any complications , I felt overwhelmingly confident and ecstatic , so much that I could feel it in my stride down to the gate . Now I am waiting for the plane and I still feel excited , but some feelings of nervousness have crept back in . However , on the whole , I feel like I am going to have one hell of a good exchange year ! Well first I had to get my residency permit . So we went at one o ' clock the next morning back to New York City to visit the Finnish Consulate and apply for my residency permit . It all went smoothly , and we went home feeling very lighthearted . However , now it is August first and it has not arrived yet . The last possible day for it to arrive if I am to attend the language camp on time is tomorrow . No worries though . If I 'm late , I 'm late . However , this morning another situation arose that calls for even more paperwork . I am being sent to District 1420 , one that includes Helsinki and all of Estonia . I got an email telling me that I was being moved to another city in the District , one that had its exchange student drop out at the last minute . Another city . In Estonia .
|
Harvey Trent was prone on his bed in the totally dark room when he felt them crawling on his chest . He had problems before with bed mites and had sprayed the mattress with some god - awful smelling spray that forced him to sleep on the couch for a week . The crawling continued and he was determined to ignore the damn bugs . Harvey told himself he was probably dreaming and to snub the minuscule creatures , they would go away , but they didn 't . Then he suddenly felt something like a large feather brush over his chest , causing the tiny creatures to act agitated and then it happened , the first bite . Then a couple more , then a lot of tiny bites . Now he was feeling pain and a burning sensation , so he got up and went to the bathroom . He flipped on the light and turned to the mirror above the sink , what he saw almost made his heart stop . A dozen or so spiders were hanging on to his chest and stomach still biting . He screamed and ran to the shower , turned on the spray and jumped in brushing the damn beasts off off his body . He watched as a few went down the drain and managed to get most of them off of him in the stream of water . He batted at the ones still hanging on and finally flicked the last one off . He now was looking at the tiny welts that were forming from the bites and they were burning worse now . He climbed out of the tub and did a quick drying with a towel , moving back to the mirror to see the red bumps were not going away . He knew he was in trouble as he looked closely to one of the spiders that had landed in his sink ; it had a red lantern shape on its back , a Black Widow ! He was feeling nauseous now and was becoming dizzy . The phone he thought , he needed help , so he staggered to the living room bouncing off the walls and fell at the table where the phone sat . He managed to push 911 and when the voice came on , he screamed , " I 'm dying from spider bites , help ! " As he lay on the floor dying , a dark clothed figure stepped around him , closing the container that minutes before held the dozen tiny spiders . The figure put the container and a plume feather in a back pack and then took out a self - inking rubber stamp from the backpack and pressed it to Harvey 's forehead , leaving an ink mark , then the person quickly left the house . Harvey never felt the ink stamp , he was dead . It was now five in the morning and Joseph Lang , the Clark County - Las Vegas medical examiner , was trying to finish his sandwich just outside the house when Detective Lynn Carter along with her partner , both as a cop and at home , Deacon DeAngelo came up . " Hey Joey , whatcha got ? " Lynn asked . " That 's the fun part ; he was murdered with spiders , Black Widows . Someone dumped a bunch of the buggers on him and they did their thing and bit him to death . " He swallowed the last bite of the sandwich . " Now I can go back in . " He crumpled the sandwich wrapper and put it in the pocket of his coat then walked to the entrance of the house . She looked at him with a fear in her eyes that he had never seen before , even when confronting a gun toting madman . " One spider is bad ; a bunch of spiders is not good . You go in and check it out ; I 'll wait here for you . " " You are a mean son - of - a - bitch . " She said and forced herself to go forward into the house . She saw the body of the late Harvey Trent by the overturned coffee table , the phone still in his hand . He was totally naked and she bent down to see the red welts on his upper body . Joe Lang was checking the body . " I thought a Black Widow 's bite wouldn 't kill you right away . " Lynn said . Lynn straightened up on hearing the number of bites , looking around for all those spiders . Lang could sense her tension and said , " All the spiders are gone , either washed down the drain in the tub or smashed by Trent here as he attempted to brush them off . Just my expert opinion . " That didn 't help Lynn 's tension . Deacon came up behind her and said her name causing her to jump . " Do you want to see the bedroom ? " he asked . " Yeah , sure , we can do that . " They walked down the hall and Deacon could see that Lynn was looking all around , checking for attacks from spiders . He was trying not to make light of it , knowing she really hated spiders . " Yep , about an hour ago , " said Lang from the hallway as he was heading to the bathroom just off the bedroom . Lynn followed him in and they stood examining the sink to see the dead spider in the bowl . Lynn turned and went out after seeing the tiny creature , fearing it would come back to life and jump her . Lang was coming down the hallway again as she asked this . " I might have thought that too , but I decided he was murdered when I found this . " He went to the body and turned the man 's head so it faced upwards and Lynn could see the mark . She got closer and could see it was a Black Widow stamped on his forehead . Lang looked to her and said , " I 'd say we have a killer . " Later in the morning , Penny was smiling at camera three as the stage manager signaled to her that her guest was ready . " Vegas , we have a treat this morning , that really funny entertainer , straight from his afternoon show at the Golden Nugget , comedy magician Magic Bob is going to be here live in a few moments . " She went on about her guests for tomorrow , she was now having more celebrities willing to sign up for her show and she was thrilled . I was enjoying her happiness ; it was good for me also . A happy Penny is a sexy Penny . She finished the show and went to her dressing room finding me sitting in the make - up chair telling her staff about the crimes I solved in my brief career . She pushed at the chair causing me to stand , I kissed her and she sat to get her make - up removed . " Are you here to annoy or take me to a fabulous lunch at the Bistro ? " She asked . " I was thinking more along the lines of Sonic 's . " I gave her a smile and she stuck her tongue out at me . Her groupies worked on turning her into an ordinary everyday citizen of Las Vegas , removing her TV show face , but she still glowed in her street makeup . The girls finished her make - up and I joked , " Can 't you make her look like Sheena Easton ? " She whacked my stomach and said to blow it out my ear . She stood and I went to pick up Willy from the couch where he was sleeping soundly . He looked dazed and licked my hand ; I put him in his doggy purse and slung it over my shoulder . Penny hugged the girls and told them she was really glad they moved to Vegas to continue to do her make - up . Celeste said she was honored to be there and loved Vegas . We left and went out into the blazing heat and quickly into the car . I flipped on the air conditioning and drove out of the parking lot . It was now just starting spring in the valley , but it was not like back in Michigan where the seasons were recognizable . It was now almost one hundred degrees out in the relentless sun . I wasn 't complaining , I spent most of my time in air conditioned rooms . I did take Penny to Bistros for lunch and she was happy . Then we went to my office to find Lacey looking flustered . " I 'm trying to get things organized and Buck keeps moving things on me . " I said I 'd talk to him and told her to organize the way she wants . I asked how her fingers were doing after the surgeries she had to fix the tendons cut by the criminal Merkins last month after he kidnapped Lacey , Penny and me during the Sin City case . She held up her bandaged hand and said it was better but still hard to move the fingers . I went to talk with Buck and said , " Lacey is trying to run the front office , she 's inexperienced at it so she has to learn , now leave her alone to set it up so she 'll know where everything is . " Buck smiled , " I know , I was just messing with her . " " Well , quit it , she 's young and I don 't want her trying to commit suicide again . " Referring to how we met her after she tried to kill herself because of a crime lord trying to set her up for murder . We solved the case but she was still fragile . " Yeah , I guess I have a strange sense of humor . I 'll be easier on her now . " He smiled . " So any good cases coming up ? " Sometimes I couldn 't figure Lynn out , as a detective she was hard and determined , but she was fragile in many respects . I never knew when she was being a cop or being a human . Not that cops aren 't humans . " I have nothing against them , except those really tiny ones that usually bite when you annoy them . I had a pet tarantula back when I was in my twenties . " I replied . I could see her shiver when I mentioned the tarantula , I had a feeling she didn 't like spiders . " So , you don 't like spiders I take it ? " She really had a fit on that , " You are one sick person . How could you even touch the thing ? " I could see she was having the heebie jeebie shivers as her whole body was shaking now from an involuntary reaction to the thought of spiders . Deacon was standing behind her laughing quietly . She turned to him and said , " Stop that or you 'll sleep with the spiders . " She gave me a stare that said to shut up , so I did . " We had a new case this morning ; a man was killed by the bites of a dozen or so Black Widow spiders . Lang , the ME says it was murder , they were dumped on him . Then the killer left an ink stamp of a Black Widow on his forehead . " Lynn 's cell phone rang and she answered , listened and hung up . " Crime just doesn 't stop , more gangbangers shooting each other . Hopefully they will all kill themselves off and make our lives easier . " She signaled to Deacon and they left . Buck , who was standing by hallway listening to us said , " We could get one of those big terrariums and a couple of tarantulas for the office . " " I don 't think that 's a good idea , Buck . " Penny said firmly . Lacey and Penny both laughed and I went to tell Buck we were leaving . He was making up a roster for his security guards at the new car lot he had been hired to have his guards watch . He smiled and said , " It 's good to be boss . " Lynn and Deacon followed the two cops just about dragging a gang member into the holding cells . He was cursing and screaming about how he 'll kill every cop he could . Captain Weber came out of his office and motioned to Lynn and Deacon to come to his office . He told Lynn to close the door . " I heard about your spider case this morning and when a patrol cop told me the vic 's name I did some checking . I thought I recognized the name , Harvey Trent . He 's in , or was in , the WSOP big , big poker competition at the Rio Hotel this weekend . Trent was three games away from the big million dollar win . Sound to you like a motive for murder ? " Both Deacon and Lynn had blank looks , but Deacon said , " I watched part of that tournament on TV the other night , I remember that guy now . He took the lead from a couple Hollywood stars that were losing big . This puts a new spin on the killing . But why go to all the trouble to kill him with spiders and then leave a mark to show us it was murder ? " Weber waved his hand and said , " That 's what you two are going to find out , I 'm getting a little pressure from the commissioner to solve this . We don 't need murder to ruin the fine reputation of our world class poker tournaments . Besides there is a lot of money at stake here , people attending and betting on the outcome of the games , it 's good for everyone concerned . Now do something about this quickly , the next round of games is in three days . " He sat at his desk and started shuffling papers ; Lynn knew that was their queue to leave . I was looking up at the amazingly huge picture of me standing with my arms crossed back to back with Buck doing the same . We looked tough . Penny was laughing , not helping my mood . " Do you have to make fun of my projects ? " I asked . " Well , I always said you were a big man in town . Life size even . " She had tears coming now from laughing . I happened to like the thing , it looked . . . well , tough , and I told her so . " Jim , you are supposed to be smart and clever to solve crimes , not the terminator . " " Watching spouses from outside a house , snooping in back alleys to take pictures of business theft . Hardly a tough man job . " " Yes , but we will be getting more dangerous cases once the word is out . This city has an underbelly of crime that we will take down . " I studied the picture by going back a good ways and she was right , the picture did make me look a bit paunchy . I asked the production manager if they could run it through their image processing software and make me a little less beer belly . He smiled and said he would . I approved the billboard with changes and took Penny out to the car . We drove over to the office again and pulled in to see Lynn and Deacon standing in front of the building . I parked and we went to them . She gave me her stare again , so I just went in . Buck smiled and introduced me to the lady . " Mrs . Trent , you were married to the late Harvey Trent , who was murdered this morning ? " " I 'm a good detective . " I said using my favorite line , Penny snorted . I gave her a look and continued , " This is a little awkward , these two people are Homicide Detective Lieutenant Lynn Carter and her partner Detective Frank DeAngelo , they are the primary investigating officers on your husband 's murder . They are also friends of mine who happen to be here to talk to me about their case and found you here . Now if you 've come in to hire me to find out who killed your husband , I can do that . But Detectives Carter and DeAngelo are going to want to talk to you about your involvement in the case . " " That 's why I 'm here , to have you keep me from being a suspect and prove my innocence . " she said . Lynn spoke , " I 'm sorry Mrs . Trent , but you already know that we will consider you a suspect and all we need to do is find out a few facts to exonerate you . Since you are here , I 'll let Jim talk to you , it may save us a little effort and time . If that is all right with you if we just observe ? " " Anything to find out who killed my husband . " I could see she was tearing up a bit and Penny got a tissue from the counter and gave it to her . We had tissue boxes all over the place , they came in handy . " So if we could go into my office we can start . " I pointed the way and she went in , followed by Lynn and Deacon . Penny went around the counter back to Lacey and sat next to her desk , probably to joke about my billboard . I went in my office and closed the door . We all were sitting comfortably . Mrs . Trent in my client chair by the desk and Lynn and Deacon sat in two other chairs by the door . I took out a pocket recorder from a drawer and set it on top of the desk . " You don 't mind if I record this , it helps keep me straight in my investigations ? " She agreed . " Now the police could do their job and solve this for you , why come to me ? " " I want an independent investigation to keep me clear of this . When certain facts come out , I 'm going to be murder suspect number one . " She glanced to my friends sitting quietly by . " We married here in Vegas two years ago after one of his poker tournaments that he lost , but he said I was his special win . Lately I was finding that my life was not so glamorous being always second to his gambling . At first I thought he just enjoyed the game , but after these years of following him around the country from poker game to poker game , I realized he was addicted to it . He was good , yes , but not great . He had a flair for being without a tell , hard to read him , which was good in poker . But he was just being himself ; he had no feelings , just a desire to win at all cost . I am still married to him , or as I should say now , was married to him , but we were separated , living apart . He was wanting to reconcile but this poker tournament was the big score , a million bucks if he won , and he was getting so close . We have a small apartment here but reside mainly in California , so if he won , I was entitled to half of his winnings in property . So I was all for keeping him alive as you can understand . " She looked again to Lynn and Deacon , they gave no response . " That 's where it gets sticky . He had an overinflated view of himself , he thought he was golden . So he had a life insurance policy on himself , if he died I would get two million dollars , which of course I wouldn 't receive if I murdered him . If he was murdered by someone else and I had nothing to do with it , I would gain . So either he dies and I get two mil or lives and I maybe get a half mil . If we were to divorce , I 'd get half of what he has now , nothing . Doesn 't take much to figure my best advantage or a motive . " " The alibi is the problem . He 's one of the other competitors in the tournament , so he would be suspect also . " She sat back and went silent . I handed her a pad and pencil and asked her to write out any names and contacts I may need to check on this case , she took about a minute to write a few names and phone numbers and handed the pad back . I handed her my rate card and said , " If you still want me to investigate , these are my fees . " She said money is no problem and hoped I could help her . Lynn was smiling and said to her , " Mrs . Trent , we will need you to come in to make a formal statement on this matter . I 've heard enough for now but we need to have the name of the man you were with to verify your where - a - bouts this morning . We are just starting to investigate and will need some more information . Can you come in on your own or shall we drive you ? " " I have my car ; I will come in peacefully and cooperatively . " Lynn stood , followed by Deacon . Mrs . Trent stood as I did and Lynn told her where to go and she would meet her there shortly . She went out saying she would be there . I turned off the recorder and looked to Lynn . " This is totally weird ; I 'm still not sure why she wants me to investigate this . It 's all police matters as far as I can see . " " This came in the fax while you were grilling the spider lady . " She held up a copy of the changed billboard for me to inspect . I had a nice washboard abs look to me now , I liked it , Penny just laughed . " You will be insufferable now every time we see this on the road . " " I 've got one going up by the county buildings and one by the freeway and Tropicana , just down the road from here . I can admire myself every morning on the way to work . " The dark figure went into the small room off the basement ; it was more of a cellar . The man had on an outfit that looked like a diving suit , rubber and form fitting . He wore a mesh hat with screen like those that bee keepers wore , but this was not an outfit for bee keeping , it was for keeping the Black Widow spiders from biting the man as he gathered the tiny creatures that he raised in the room . He took good care of his babies , catching insects and letting them loose in the room to feed his flock . He couldn 't count the numbers of the arachnids that lived there , the count would change frequently as the creatures would battle amongst themselves and when the egg sacs hatched half of the little ones would eat the other half to survive . It was a room in constant change and battle . The man admired the tiny creatures , devoted himself to them . Now he had to gather a few to go out in the world to fight the good cause , extermination of evil men . I was in my office going through my laptop to find a note I had written with a story idea for my latest book I was starting to write , Mistress Murders , since I had finished the book about my adventures with the Dominatrix case . Penny and Lacey had gone down the street to a sandwich shop to bring lunch back and Buck went out to talk to a new client at the car dealership he had just gotten for his guards to watch . Willy was sitting on my client chair watching me with his head down , trying to stay awake . The bell on the entrance door had rang and it couldn 't have been the girls , Penny would have called out to me , so I figured it was a client , hopefully . I walked out of my office after putting Willy on the floor , he pranced out behind me . There was a youngish man standing by the counter , who looked to be in his mid - twenties , blondish hair and tan , kind of like a surfer from California . He had on a tank top showing off fairly well developed muscles and shorts that bagged down around his knees . He looked at me with a strange expression , then the light bulb went on in his head , " Oh , hey , ya fer shure . I get it now , funny . I need help , you available ? " " He 's an ankle biter , be careful you don 't make any fast movements . " I joked but I think he believed me as he slowly went to my client chair , stepping carefully . I was trying not to laugh ; this guy must have indulged in a bit too much medicinal weed . " Oh , yeah , I 'm Freddie Norris , pleasure to meet you . " He said holding his hand out , I shook it . " I saw your little detective and security business sign on a taxi at my hotel and came looking for you . I figured you might help me . " " That was slid under my hotel room door . I heard about Harvey dying from spider bites this morning , the news didn 't say how or why he was bitten , but this card made me think . With Harvey out of the competition , it was better odds for one of us to win . So I thought maybe he was murdered and this card worried me . " " Yeah man , I 'm in the contention to be one of the winners now that Harvey is gone ; he was an awesome poker player , no expressions to give him away . Super primo card player . Now I 'm not liking this spider card thing , it 's creepy that I get it so soon after Harvey bit the dust , oh , pardon the pun . " He gave out one of those goofy giggles you hear in the movies from a stoner . " The news said he was bit by a spider and died , but with this card I think there was more to it . " " I 'm not at liberty to discuss the police 's case on Harvey 's death but I will be happy to look into this for you . " I handed him my rate card , figuring I better get this out of the way to see if he had any money . He looked at it and then reached in his front pocket of his shorts and pulled out a wad of cash . He peeled off a couple of hundreds and put them in front of me . " I 'm thinking you need protection and I may be able to help you with that . " I had seen Buck walk by coming from the back door and excused myself . I went to Buck 's office and he gave me his big grin and said howdy . I told him about the man in my office and asked if Mac was doing anything , I wanted to hire him for protection . Buck said he 'd call him and have him come in ; he only lived a short distance away . I thanked him and went back to my office . Freddie was now reaching down and scratching Willy behind the ears , he looked up and smiled , " This is one cute dog you got here . " " I like him and he keeps my wife happy . " I said that just as I sat and then heard the front door open and Penny yelled that it was her and Lacey . She breezed into my office and saw Freddie sitting and stopped saying , " I 'm sorry , I didn 't know you had company . " She put a bag on my desk by me , my sandwich I presumed . I introduced Freddie to Penny and he got this look on his face and said , " I know you , you 're on TV aren 't you ? " She said she was and he said he watched her this morning on TV in his hotel room . He was excited over meeting her and I let him ask her questions about her show as we waited for Mac to come in . About ten minutes later Mac came in and stopped to give Lacey a kiss before he came to see me . Penny was just going out to eat her food and said hi to Mac as he came to my door . Mac is a big guy and nearly fills the door frame as he enters , the kind of guy you want protecting you . He looked a little like a cross between a mob enforcer and a bouncer at one of the swank clubs in Vegas , big and tough . Tough , my kind of image for the firm , I smiled . I stood , " Mac , this is Freddie Norris , I 'd like you to protect him for a few days , just until his poker tourney is over . I 'll explain the circumstances about the case , it may be dangerous . You do have your weapon ? " He pulled back the opened shirt he wore over his t - shirt to reveal his . 38 tucked into his belt . Buck made sure his men were all licensed to carry for various functions he wanted them to guard . " Okay , I 'm going to keep this card ; I 'll have to show it to the police to let them know that this may be a problem . " I turned to Mac , " Take him in the conference room and work out a schedule for watching him and talk to Buck about a back - up for you when you need a break . " Mac said he would and they went out . I sat and pulled out my cell phone , calling Lynn . I knew this would just brighten her day to know that the spider killings were only beginning . She came on , I told her it was me and said , " It 's not over . " I spent a few minutes explaining the situation , hearing her groan every so often and then she said they 'd be over in a while , she had finished with Mrs . Trent and she wasn 't convinced of her innocence . But with this new information it may be deeper than we thought . I said I 'd be in the office till about five and would see her shortly . I put the card in one of the small plastic envelopes I keep in my desk , in case forensics could pull prints off of it , but I doubted it . Mac and Freddie were ready to go out and I told Mac to call me if any little thing happened , he said he would . They left and I went to Buck 's office and asked if he had worked out his deal with the new car lot and he said it was a piece of cake . " No more problems with Retcho guards ? " I asked . " Nope , they 're staying away from us now . I 'm not going to fall into his traps again . My men are armed and dangerous now . " That worried me a little but I figured it was Buck 's job to keep them in line . We talked until my phone rang and I went to get it . I answered and I heard a voice on the line saying that I had better stay out of it or there would be problems . I asked what ' it ' was and the voice said , " just stay out of it , " and hung up . This was getting annoying , threats on the phone now . I went to the SD card recording device I had installed on the phone to record my calls and played back the voice . I listened to it a couple of times then I pulled the SD card from the recorder and put in a new one . I put the card in an envelope to give to Lynn ; I had an idea what ' it ' was . The Black Widow Spider killer did not like my involvement , but how could he know so soon . Freddie was just here and couldn 't have told anyone or could he have ? I 'd have to ask . I called Mac and asked if I could speak to Freddie , he came on and I said I had to know if he talked to anyone about the spider card or coming to see me . Freddie Norris was enjoying the comforts of the Rio Hotel luxury suite as Mac was resting on an easy chair looking out to the Vegas strip from the tenth story window . Mac was also looking at the list of names Freddie had written of people he had told about his situation with the spider card and seeking me out to investigate . I sent Lacey over to pick up the list , I figured she knew her way around Vegas and she 'd be happy to see Mac , since he was going to be away for a few days protecting Freddie from spiders . Freddie was sitting at a poker table he had the hotel bring up for him . There were three other younger men playing cards with Freddie and Mac had insisted he check the men for ID and weapons . They didn 't like it but Freddie reminded them of Harvey Trent and they were pacified . Lacey knocked at the door and Mac had warned Freddie that he was the only person to answer the door . He peeked through the hole and could see the top of Lacey 's head standing there , he open the door and let her in . Seeing the cute young girl gave rise to all kinds of excitement from the geeky card players but Mac shot them a warning look , they shut up and went back to their cards . " I said I 'd be right back , I think Jim has his police friends coming to look at the card and he needs the list . But I could come back later after work if you aren 't too busy . " She gave him a quick kiss and took the list from his hand . " Hey , I survived two tours of Iraq ; I think a luxury hotel is a little safer . I 'll talk to you later . " He kissed her and she went off . The geeks at the table were still snickering and Mac walked by saying , " Eat your hearts out . " A half hour later Lacey arrived back at the office , list in hand . Lynn and Deacon had just gotten there and I was showing the card and filling them in on the phone call . I had played the recording for them and said , " I tried the callback number but it came up nothing , may have been a disposable phone . But I do get the feeling that the killer may not like people nosing in on his killing . " " Dream on Sherlock , he 's exerting his authority over the crime , sort of beating his chest that he is the clever criminal . " Lynn added . " He probably could care less about you , no offense , but he likes the thrill of getting close to the people hunting him . His call made it a challenge to you . This may just turn into a serial case . " Penny said , " Why not , Jim loves serial killers . " I smiled at her and blew her a kiss . " I do this all for you , my love . " I smiled . She replied , " Don 't go out of your way for me , sweetie . " I took the list from Lacey and she went back to the reception area to work on her filing and sorting of the security guard 's personnel files . Willy came bouncing over to her and she put him on the desk by her and rummaged through folders . Buck had left her alone now , he liked having fun with people , but Lacey was too young and innocent to mess with . Lynn was looking the list of names , all people staying in the Rio Hotel and most of them involved in the poker tourney . " Play the voice recording again , " she asked . I did . I spoke , " Well , it definitely was a man 's voice so we can rule out women , unless they 're working with the killer , but I think he works alone . This was a fantasy killing , using spiders instead of just shooting or stabbing the victim . A little more dramatic and weird . " Lynn shot him a look ; she was doing that a lot lately . This case was going to stress her out until it was solved . " So what shall we do about the list ? " I asked . " Let 's go listen to a few voices and see if any fit . " We all stood and went to the lobby . Penny said she was getting tired and wanted to go home , I asked Buck if he could run her home for me , he said he would . I had driven Penny to her station for her show this morning , otherwise she would drive herself , but I wanted to take her to lunch so I drove . I kissed her and said I 'd be home in a while . I followed Lynn and Deacon in my Crown Vic over to the Rio Hotel and into the parking structure . We went into the hotel and I had to call Mac to find out what room they were in . He told me where they were , so we went to the elevators and up to the tenth floor , finding the room . Lynn knocked on the door and it was opened by Mac smiling at us . Freddie was still with his companions playing cards and he stood as we came in . I went to introduce Freddie to Lynn and Deacon and Lynn said , " May I ask you a few questions ? " " I 've been at it ever since my uncle taught me to play when I was twelve . He said I had a natural ability for the game , he said I was good . So I kept at it and entered a number of competitions around the country , I played online a lot and then came to Vegas for the big World Series Of Poker , the WSOP tournament that they would hold at either Caesar 's Palace , the Rio or Harrahs . I had built up a good amount of cash and had enough to enter . I 'm finally in the running for the grand prize . Finally after all these years , the cards held good for me . " " Sure we all knew each other , we were a crew , friends and still rivals when it came to Texas Hold - em . I was shocked when I heard about Harvey , then that card came and it wigged me out , man , I didn 't like being threatened . I saw that little billboard on the taxi out front for Richards Investigations and Security and figured they 'd have someone who could watch me to keep me safe , so went there . I 'm not about to die this close to the win . " He sat back and smiled . " I was here with my peeps , playing cards of course , these fine gentlemen right here as a matter of fact . " He said pointing to the geeks still hunched over the table watching us . When Freddie brought the attention to them they pretended they were intent on playing cards . " Oh hell , it had to have been around five A . M . give or take . " he replied . Lynn looked to Deacon , then to me , " Just after Harvey got it . He 's moving fast . " She turned back to Freddie , " I need to talk to your peeps , call them over . " Lynn held her badge out and told them to sit . " Freddie says you pulled an all nighter here playing cards ? " They quietly acknowledged her with head bops and grunts . " He mentioned that he was going to see someone about that spider card he got , any of you remember that ? " Again with the head nods . " Any of you make any phone calls about the card or his visit after he left ? " Now they swayed their heads side to side . " So , if I check the phone records of this room , there would be no calls going out ? " Again the sways . " Now I can get a warrant for your personal cell phones to see if there were any calls made , how about that ? " Two of the boys did the head sway , but one just sat still . I saw this and so did Lynn . " What 's your name , sport ? " she said to the boy in the hoodie . He sat looking blank , not saying anything . Lynn turned to Mac and asked , " Mac , would you escort everyone but this fine young man out of the room for a moment while we talk ? " Mac came over and motioned to the group to vacate the room and they did , slowly , watching back to their friend . The boy sat , now looking a bit worried . Lynn leaned over to Deacon and asked him to sit next to the boy to help him remember any calls he may have made . Deacon sat next to the now frightened boy , sitting about a head taller that the kid . I was trying not to laugh . " He was hanging behind the table where we were playing Hold - em yesterday . I took a break , well , I was eliminated actually and went to the can , he followed . I thought at first he was some pervert but he introduced himself as a reporter and wanted some good dirt on the players . He told me he 'd give me $ 100 to call him anytime something happens with us , any little detail that we do . He said there would be more money later if I did good . I needed the cash so I said I would . He gave me a card with a number on it and left . I didn 't care who he was , he just offered me money , so I took it . " " Wouldn 't do much good , he had on sun - glasses and a full beard that covered most his face . I think it was fake . He had no scars or marks that I could see and he had on a hat , like they wear in the Bahamas , you know hemp with a wide brim . His clothes were plain , nothing to make him stand out . I really don 't think his description would help . " " I 'll need your cell phone number to get this started , " Lynn said and Harry gave her the number and handed her his cell phone . She called the forensics department and asked for someone in electronics . She explained what she wanted and gave them the phone number and they said they 'd see if they could do it . Lynn waited and then the person came back and said they had gotten the tower links to his phone and to try calling a number . Lynn looked to me and said she was calling my number and dialed it on Harry 's phone . My phone rang and I answered , the tech told Lynn to hold on and then came back saying the cell tower triangulation pointed the call to a cell in the Rio Hotel . Lynn smiled and said to hold on . Harry nodded his head and took the phone back and dialed the number . He put the call on speaker phone and a few seconds later the person answered . Harry identified himself and told the person on the other end of the phone what Lynn told him to say . The person asked a few more questions and Harry made up a few things he thought sounded good , Lynn was nodding her head approvingly . The person said that Harry did good and would be in touch with some more money and hung up . Lynn went back to her phone and asked if they got anything . The tech said that it looked like the call was received in the Rio hotel again ; he asked if we had made the same call as before , Lynn said it wasn 't . The tech said then the person was also in the Rio . Lynn hung up quickly and called for back - up of just her detectives , no sense getting the Hotel upset by SWAT rummaging through the building . She told Warren where to meet and then hung up . She looked to Harry and said , " You , my friend are going to lead us to find this guy , understand ! " She stood and Deacon helped Harry up by his collar . I followed them out the door and told Mac to take the guys back in the room and be on guard , the killer may be near . He said he would and I ran after Lynn and Deacon pulling Harry along . We got to the ground floor and waited at the entrance for Warren and his men to arrive . Harry was looking around nervously , probably hoping the killer didn 't see him with the cops . About ten minutes later they showed up and Lynn explained her plan that they would walk around the WSOP auditorium to see if they could find him there first . Lynn led Harry out front into the auditorium where people were still playing Texas Hold - em and they walked around the perimeter . Lynn could feel Harry was shaking as they stalked the floor , he suddenly stiffened as they came around to a group of people cheering on one man at a table who must have won his game . Behind the people stood a man with a beard , sun glasses and a straw hat . Lynn signaled to her men and they spread out around the table . Deacon came up behind the man and held his weapon up to the man 's back as the rest of the detectives moved close to his sides . Deacon whispered in his ear , " It wouldn 't be a good idea to do something stupid , you are surrounded by police and we need to take you out of here quietly . Do you understand ? " The man stood frozen but started to nod his head . Two detectives took his arms and brought them behind his back as Deacon handcuffed the man . Lynn asked Harry again if this was the man , he nodded his head vigorously and she told him to hang back but to follow them . The man was led out of the auditorium and taken to a waiting unmarked car out front and put in the back . Lynn told her men she would meet them back at the precinct . They drove off and we went to get our cars , Lynn taking Harry along . I drove over to the precinct and parked , going into the back entrance and found them standing by the interrogation rooms . Lynn waved and signaled me to go in observation . I did . She and Deacon went into the room as Harry and I sat on the backside of the mirror watching . The man was seated at the table now and looking nonchalant about this all . He had a cool expression from what I could see under the beard that did look fake . Lynn sat across from him and Deacon stood silently by as Lynn leaned forward and spoke . " You like spiders ? Maybe you used a dozen or so to murder a man this morning ? " She paused . His smile slowly faded and he took off the sunglasses and put them on the table . He reached up and started to pull at the beard removing it from his face . A few seconds later he had it all off and laying on the table . " Try a dozen spider bites , all put on him by you . " She picked up his wallet laying with his other possessions and said , " So Mr . Harcourt , you know nothing about spiders , Black Widow spiders . I have men at your apartment now checking it to see if your hoard of the creatures are there . Come on Harcourt talk to me . You had a kid keep tabs on a few players and one of them was murdered and another was threatened . " " I 'm not who you think I am , I 'm not a killer . I 'm a reporter for the Las Vegas Exposed magazine . I had the kid feed me info about the players , you know , kinky stuff , illegal activities if any , the good stuff . When that other kid got the spider card and I got a call from Harry about it , I started to put things together . Murder by bite , my next byline . I was hanging around the casino to see if I could pick up on anything else that may tell me more about the killing . That 's all I have for you . " He sat back . Lynn just stared at him and stood . " You better be telling me the truth , or I will have Detective DeAngelo here , take you apart for subjecting me to spiders . " She walked out of the room ; Deacon followed her leaving Harcourt alone with a cop watching him . Lynn took the wallet to her desk and made a call to the LV Exposed magazine after she called information . She asked for the editor after identifying herself and when she came on Lynn asked if they had a Paul Harcourt on staff . The editor laughed and asked if he was arrested again . Lynn said he is in custody and if she could just verify that he worked there . She said he did . Lynn thanked her and hung up . " You know if we didn 't question a few people we wouldn 't be able to catch the real criminals , and you are wasting my time to find him . Now shut up and talk . " Lynn was looking frustrated . " I meant stop blowing hot air and tell what you know . " " You may be a reporter , but that doesn 't let you off for the kill . You could be raising spiders to murder people , and using your magazine as a cover . As soon as my men are done at your place we 'll talk again . " She opened the door and called the guard to take Harcourt to his cell until she needed to talk some more . " Suspicion of conspiracy to commit murder . Or for further questioning , whichever you like . It 's up to you . I believe you are a link to the killer . Your sleaze rag is not my concern , report what you want , the public will decide when it comes out you impeded a murder investigation and aided the killer . I have friends in the legitimate news reporting media . Maybe they 'd like my side of the story . Now when you want to tell me about whom you share your information with , we 'll talk . " It was now around five P . M . when Mac let room service enter with the cart load of food that Freddie had ordered . Mac checked under the covered food to be sure there were no small crawly creatures riding for free . Freddie 's friends had left the room to go get some gambling time in before bed time , leaving Freddie and Mac alone . Mac lifted the cover over the burgers that smelled tasty and put one on his plate . He reached for the fries that were under another cover as Freddie filled his plate with whatever food was in front of him . Freddie greedily wolfed down the food and reached for the silver plated decanter of what he figured was wine . He removed the top and went to drink from the decanter just as something popped out of the bottle . Mac was watching Freddie and saw the tiny black dot drop to Freddie 's face , he jumped up and knocked the bottle from Freddie 's hand and was beating his face to smash the spiders that had followed the first one out . Freddie was screaming bloody murder as Mac knocked the last of the tiny creatures from Freddie . Mac stood and looked to the decanter on the floor to see more of the creatures coming out . He reached into his cargo pants pocket and brought out a small aerosol can he bought on the way to the Hotel earlier . It was a Pyrethrum aerosol that would kill spiders , so he took aim at the decanter and let loose the spray . Watching the spiders curl up and slowly die , he turned to Freddie and checked him for any spiders that he may have missed . There were a few on the table and on the ground by Freddie , so Mac sprayed the area . Freddie had now retreated to the suite 's door and was just watching Mac work , his eyes about popping out of his head . Mac quietly checked the area and saw no movement now . He pulled his cell phone and speed dialed me . " I think you need to get over here and bring your friends . We just had a spider infestation . " I told Lynn what had happened and we drove over to the Rio and up to the tenth floor . Mac was at the door now , and we came in to see the scene just as Mac had left it . Lynn had Warren and three other detectives along and told Warren to go down to room service and track the person who brought the cart up . He left with one of the other detectives and Lynn cautiously went to the decanter still on the floor surrounded by dead spiders . Mac explained what had happened and how he had picked up the pesticide spray for protection . I told him he was in for a bonus for his actions and he smiled , " It 's all in a days work . " She studied the cart and suddenly said , " No glasses . The killer left the glasses out . He probably figured Freddie would want the wine and being a kid , just drink form the decanter , like milk from the carton . " Freddie was still shaking , " Why would anyone want to kill me ? I didn 't do anything to anyone , other than win at cards . Is this a reason for murder now ? " Lynn walked around the decanter still on the floor and called CSI to come and get the evidence , glad that they would take the dead things out . " Yep , there has to be a connection , so Freddie lets talk about it . Did you know Harvey Trent very well ? " " I 'm from Santa Barbara , California . I lived there for sixteen of my twenty - four years , started out in Palatka , Florida . My parents moved to California due to my dad 's job . " " He was some kind of computer software designer , mostly games for PC 's . I talked to him about it one time and he wasn 't very open about his work . All top secret , hush - hush stuff . You know corporate espionage stuff . I didn 't care , I don 't like computer games , the cards are my draw . " Lynn told me she knew most of Harvey 's past from talking to his wife , but wanted to see if he shared information with his poker competitors . He did . Lynn turned to Mac , " Do you think you 'll be able to stop the killer again ? He 's not going to be happy that you prevented his kill . " I said , " I may have Buck send another man to help , doesn 't hurt to have back - up . " Mac said that would work for him . I went off to the side and called Buck to tell him about the incident and send another man . He said , " I 'll call someone and have them there before long and I 'm still at your home . Penny asked me to hang in until the pest control people get here . She started looking at the shrubs and bushes around the house and found a number of spider nests ; she got a bit freaked , so she called the exterminators . " I had to laugh and Deacon looked to me wondering what was funny . I told Buck I would be there shortly and hung up . I told Deacon and Lynn what Buck had told me and Lynn said , " Smart woman . " She looked to Deacon and asked , " Find out if our apartment building sprays for spiders . " Deacon winked at me and said he would .
|
Harvey Trent was prone on his bed in the totally dark room when he felt them crawling on his chest . He had problems before with bed mites and had sprayed the mattress with some god - awful smelling spray that forced him to sleep on the couch for a week . The crawling continued and he was determined to ignore the damn bugs . Harvey told himself he was probably dreaming and to snub the minuscule creatures , they would go away , but they didn 't . Then he suddenly felt something like a large feather brush over his chest , causing the tiny creatures to act agitated and then it happened , the first bite . Then a couple more , then a lot of tiny bites . Now he was feeling pain and a burning sensation , so he got up and went to the bathroom . He flipped on the light and turned to the mirror above the sink , what he saw almost made his heart stop . A dozen or so spiders were hanging on to his chest and stomach still biting . He screamed and ran to the shower , turned on the spray and jumped in brushing the damn beasts off off his body . He watched as a few went down the drain and managed to get most of them off of him in the stream of water . He batted at the ones still hanging on and finally flicked the last one off . He now was looking at the tiny welts that were forming from the bites and they were burning worse now . He climbed out of the tub and did a quick drying with a towel , moving back to the mirror to see the red bumps were not going away . He knew he was in trouble as he looked closely to one of the spiders that had landed in his sink ; it had a red lantern shape on its back , a Black Widow ! He was feeling nauseous now and was becoming dizzy . The phone he thought , he needed help , so he staggered to the living room bouncing off the walls and fell at the table where the phone sat . He managed to push 911 and when the voice came on , he screamed , " I 'm dying from spider bites , help ! " As he lay on the floor dying , a dark clothed figure stepped around him , closing the container that minutes before held the dozen tiny spiders . The figure put the container and a plume feather in a back pack and then took out a self - inking rubber stamp from the backpack and pressed it to Harvey 's forehead , leaving an ink mark , then the person quickly left the house . Harvey never felt the ink stamp , he was dead . It was now five in the morning and Joseph Lang , the Clark County - Las Vegas medical examiner , was trying to finish his sandwich just outside the house when Detective Lynn Carter along with her partner , both as a cop and at home , Deacon DeAngelo came up . " Hey Joey , whatcha got ? " Lynn asked . " That 's the fun part ; he was murdered with spiders , Black Widows . Someone dumped a bunch of the buggers on him and they did their thing and bit him to death . " He swallowed the last bite of the sandwich . " Now I can go back in . " He crumpled the sandwich wrapper and put it in the pocket of his coat then walked to the entrance of the house . She looked at him with a fear in her eyes that he had never seen before , even when confronting a gun toting madman . " One spider is bad ; a bunch of spiders is not good . You go in and check it out ; I 'll wait here for you . " " You are a mean son - of - a - bitch . " She said and forced herself to go forward into the house . She saw the body of the late Harvey Trent by the overturned coffee table , the phone still in his hand . He was totally naked and she bent down to see the red welts on his upper body . Joe Lang was checking the body . " I thought a Black Widow 's bite wouldn 't kill you right away . " Lynn said . Lynn straightened up on hearing the number of bites , looking around for all those spiders . Lang could sense her tension and said , " All the spiders are gone , either washed down the drain in the tub or smashed by Trent here as he attempted to brush them off . Just my expert opinion . " That didn 't help Lynn 's tension . Deacon came up behind her and said her name causing her to jump . " Do you want to see the bedroom ? " he asked . " Yeah , sure , we can do that . " They walked down the hall and Deacon could see that Lynn was looking all around , checking for attacks from spiders . He was trying not to make light of it , knowing she really hated spiders . " Yep , about an hour ago , " said Lang from the hallway as he was heading to the bathroom just off the bedroom . Lynn followed him in and they stood examining the sink to see the dead spider in the bowl . Lynn turned and went out after seeing the tiny creature , fearing it would come back to life and jump her . Lang was coming down the hallway again as she asked this . " I might have thought that too , but I decided he was murdered when I found this . " He went to the body and turned the man 's head so it faced upwards and Lynn could see the mark . She got closer and could see it was a Black Widow stamped on his forehead . Lang looked to her and said , " I 'd say we have a killer . " Later in the morning , Penny was smiling at camera three as the stage manager signaled to her that her guest was ready . " Vegas , we have a treat this morning , that really funny entertainer , straight from his afternoon show at the Golden Nugget , comedy magician Magic Bob is going to be here live in a few moments . " She went on about her guests for tomorrow , she was now having more celebrities willing to sign up for her show and she was thrilled . I was enjoying her happiness ; it was good for me also . A happy Penny is a sexy Penny . She finished the show and went to her dressing room finding me sitting in the make - up chair telling her staff about the crimes I solved in my brief career . She pushed at the chair causing me to stand , I kissed her and she sat to get her make - up removed . " Are you here to annoy or take me to a fabulous lunch at the Bistro ? " She asked . " I was thinking more along the lines of Sonic 's . " I gave her a smile and she stuck her tongue out at me . Her groupies worked on turning her into an ordinary everyday citizen of Las Vegas , removing her TV show face , but she still glowed in her street makeup . The girls finished her make - up and I joked , " Can 't you make her look like Sheena Easton ? " She whacked my stomach and said to blow it out my ear . She stood and I went to pick up Willy from the couch where he was sleeping soundly . He looked dazed and licked my hand ; I put him in his doggy purse and slung it over my shoulder . Penny hugged the girls and told them she was really glad they moved to Vegas to continue to do her make - up . Celeste said she was honored to be there and loved Vegas . We left and went out into the blazing heat and quickly into the car . I flipped on the air conditioning and drove out of the parking lot . It was now just starting spring in the valley , but it was not like back in Michigan where the seasons were recognizable . It was now almost one hundred degrees out in the relentless sun . I wasn 't complaining , I spent most of my time in air conditioned rooms . I did take Penny to Bistros for lunch and she was happy . Then we went to my office to find Lacey looking flustered . " I 'm trying to get things organized and Buck keeps moving things on me . " I said I 'd talk to him and told her to organize the way she wants . I asked how her fingers were doing after the surgeries she had to fix the tendons cut by the criminal Merkins last month after he kidnapped Lacey , Penny and me during the Sin City case . She held up her bandaged hand and said it was better but still hard to move the fingers . I went to talk with Buck and said , " Lacey is trying to run the front office , she 's inexperienced at it so she has to learn , now leave her alone to set it up so she 'll know where everything is . " Buck smiled , " I know , I was just messing with her . " " Well , quit it , she 's young and I don 't want her trying to commit suicide again . " Referring to how we met her after she tried to kill herself because of a crime lord trying to set her up for murder . We solved the case but she was still fragile . " Yeah , I guess I have a strange sense of humor . I 'll be easier on her now . " He smiled . " So any good cases coming up ? " Sometimes I couldn 't figure Lynn out , as a detective she was hard and determined , but she was fragile in many respects . I never knew when she was being a cop or being a human . Not that cops aren 't humans . " I have nothing against them , except those really tiny ones that usually bite when you annoy them . I had a pet tarantula back when I was in my twenties . " I replied . I could see her shiver when I mentioned the tarantula , I had a feeling she didn 't like spiders . " So , you don 't like spiders I take it ? " She really had a fit on that , " You are one sick person . How could you even touch the thing ? " I could see she was having the heebie jeebie shivers as her whole body was shaking now from an involuntary reaction to the thought of spiders . Deacon was standing behind her laughing quietly . She turned to him and said , " Stop that or you 'll sleep with the spiders . " She gave me a stare that said to shut up , so I did . " We had a new case this morning ; a man was killed by the bites of a dozen or so Black Widow spiders . Lang , the ME says it was murder , they were dumped on him . Then the killer left an ink stamp of a Black Widow on his forehead . " Lynn 's cell phone rang and she answered , listened and hung up . " Crime just doesn 't stop , more gangbangers shooting each other . Hopefully they will all kill themselves off and make our lives easier . " She signaled to Deacon and they left . Buck , who was standing by hallway listening to us said , " We could get one of those big terrariums and a couple of tarantulas for the office . " " I don 't think that 's a good idea , Buck . " Penny said firmly . Lacey and Penny both laughed and I went to tell Buck we were leaving . He was making up a roster for his security guards at the new car lot he had been hired to have his guards watch . He smiled and said , " It 's good to be boss . " Lynn and Deacon followed the two cops just about dragging a gang member into the holding cells . He was cursing and screaming about how he 'll kill every cop he could . Captain Weber came out of his office and motioned to Lynn and Deacon to come to his office . He told Lynn to close the door . " I heard about your spider case this morning and when a patrol cop told me the vic 's name I did some checking . I thought I recognized the name , Harvey Trent . He 's in , or was in , the WSOP big , big poker competition at the Rio Hotel this weekend . Trent was three games away from the big million dollar win . Sound to you like a motive for murder ? " Both Deacon and Lynn had blank looks , but Deacon said , " I watched part of that tournament on TV the other night , I remember that guy now . He took the lead from a couple Hollywood stars that were losing big . This puts a new spin on the killing . But why go to all the trouble to kill him with spiders and then leave a mark to show us it was murder ? " Weber waved his hand and said , " That 's what you two are going to find out , I 'm getting a little pressure from the commissioner to solve this . We don 't need murder to ruin the fine reputation of our world class poker tournaments . Besides there is a lot of money at stake here , people attending and betting on the outcome of the games , it 's good for everyone concerned . Now do something about this quickly , the next round of games is in three days . " He sat at his desk and started shuffling papers ; Lynn knew that was their queue to leave . I was looking up at the amazingly huge picture of me standing with my arms crossed back to back with Buck doing the same . We looked tough . Penny was laughing , not helping my mood . " Do you have to make fun of my projects ? " I asked . " Well , I always said you were a big man in town . Life size even . " She had tears coming now from laughing . I happened to like the thing , it looked . . . well , tough , and I told her so . " Jim , you are supposed to be smart and clever to solve crimes , not the terminator . " " Watching spouses from outside a house , snooping in back alleys to take pictures of business theft . Hardly a tough man job . " " Yes , but we will be getting more dangerous cases once the word is out . This city has an underbelly of crime that we will take down . " I studied the picture by going back a good ways and she was right , the picture did make me look a bit paunchy . I asked the production manager if they could run it through their image processing software and make me a little less beer belly . He smiled and said he would . I approved the billboard with changes and took Penny out to the car . We drove over to the office again and pulled in to see Lynn and Deacon standing in front of the building . I parked and we went to them . She gave me her stare again , so I just went in . Buck smiled and introduced me to the lady . " Mrs . Trent , you were married to the late Harvey Trent , who was murdered this morning ? " " I 'm a good detective . " I said using my favorite line , Penny snorted . I gave her a look and continued , " This is a little awkward , these two people are Homicide Detective Lieutenant Lynn Carter and her partner Detective Frank DeAngelo , they are the primary investigating officers on your husband 's murder . They are also friends of mine who happen to be here to talk to me about their case and found you here . Now if you 've come in to hire me to find out who killed your husband , I can do that . But Detectives Carter and DeAngelo are going to want to talk to you about your involvement in the case . " " That 's why I 'm here , to have you keep me from being a suspect and prove my innocence . " she said . Lynn spoke , " I 'm sorry Mrs . Trent , but you already know that we will consider you a suspect and all we need to do is find out a few facts to exonerate you . Since you are here , I 'll let Jim talk to you , it may save us a little effort and time . If that is all right with you if we just observe ? " " Anything to find out who killed my husband . " I could see she was tearing up a bit and Penny got a tissue from the counter and gave it to her . We had tissue boxes all over the place , they came in handy . " So if we could go into my office we can start . " I pointed the way and she went in , followed by Lynn and Deacon . Penny went around the counter back to Lacey and sat next to her desk , probably to joke about my billboard . I went in my office and closed the door . We all were sitting comfortably . Mrs . Trent in my client chair by the desk and Lynn and Deacon sat in two other chairs by the door . I took out a pocket recorder from a drawer and set it on top of the desk . " You don 't mind if I record this , it helps keep me straight in my investigations ? " She agreed . " Now the police could do their job and solve this for you , why come to me ? " " I want an independent investigation to keep me clear of this . When certain facts come out , I 'm going to be murder suspect number one . " She glanced to my friends sitting quietly by . " We married here in Vegas two years ago after one of his poker tournaments that he lost , but he said I was his special win . Lately I was finding that my life was not so glamorous being always second to his gambling . At first I thought he just enjoyed the game , but after these years of following him around the country from poker game to poker game , I realized he was addicted to it . He was good , yes , but not great . He had a flair for being without a tell , hard to read him , which was good in poker . But he was just being himself ; he had no feelings , just a desire to win at all cost . I am still married to him , or as I should say now , was married to him , but we were separated , living apart . He was wanting to reconcile but this poker tournament was the big score , a million bucks if he won , and he was getting so close . We have a small apartment here but reside mainly in California , so if he won , I was entitled to half of his winnings in property . So I was all for keeping him alive as you can understand . " She looked again to Lynn and Deacon , they gave no response . " That 's where it gets sticky . He had an overinflated view of himself , he thought he was golden . So he had a life insurance policy on himself , if he died I would get two million dollars , which of course I wouldn 't receive if I murdered him . If he was murdered by someone else and I had nothing to do with it , I would gain . So either he dies and I get two mil or lives and I maybe get a half mil . If we were to divorce , I 'd get half of what he has now , nothing . Doesn 't take much to figure my best advantage or a motive . " " The alibi is the problem . He 's one of the other competitors in the tournament , so he would be suspect also . " She sat back and went silent . I handed her a pad and pencil and asked her to write out any names and contacts I may need to check on this case , she took about a minute to write a few names and phone numbers and handed the pad back . I handed her my rate card and said , " If you still want me to investigate , these are my fees . " She said money is no problem and hoped I could help her . Lynn was smiling and said to her , " Mrs . Trent , we will need you to come in to make a formal statement on this matter . I 've heard enough for now but we need to have the name of the man you were with to verify your where - a - bouts this morning . We are just starting to investigate and will need some more information . Can you come in on your own or shall we drive you ? " " I have my car ; I will come in peacefully and cooperatively . " Lynn stood , followed by Deacon . Mrs . Trent stood as I did and Lynn told her where to go and she would meet her there shortly . She went out saying she would be there . I turned off the recorder and looked to Lynn . " This is totally weird ; I 'm still not sure why she wants me to investigate this . It 's all police matters as far as I can see . " " This came in the fax while you were grilling the spider lady . " She held up a copy of the changed billboard for me to inspect . I had a nice washboard abs look to me now , I liked it , Penny just laughed . " You will be insufferable now every time we see this on the road . " " I 've got one going up by the county buildings and one by the freeway and Tropicana , just down the road from here . I can admire myself every morning on the way to work . " The dark figure went into the small room off the basement ; it was more of a cellar . The man had on an outfit that looked like a diving suit , rubber and form fitting . He wore a mesh hat with screen like those that bee keepers wore , but this was not an outfit for bee keeping , it was for keeping the Black Widow spiders from biting the man as he gathered the tiny creatures that he raised in the room . He took good care of his babies , catching insects and letting them loose in the room to feed his flock . He couldn 't count the numbers of the arachnids that lived there , the count would change frequently as the creatures would battle amongst themselves and when the egg sacs hatched half of the little ones would eat the other half to survive . It was a room in constant change and battle . The man admired the tiny creatures , devoted himself to them . Now he had to gather a few to go out in the world to fight the good cause , extermination of evil men . I was in my office going through my laptop to find a note I had written with a story idea for my latest book I was starting to write , Mistress Murders , since I had finished the book about my adventures with the Dominatrix case . Penny and Lacey had gone down the street to a sandwich shop to bring lunch back and Buck went out to talk to a new client at the car dealership he had just gotten for his guards to watch . Willy was sitting on my client chair watching me with his head down , trying to stay awake . The bell on the entrance door had rang and it couldn 't have been the girls , Penny would have called out to me , so I figured it was a client , hopefully . I walked out of my office after putting Willy on the floor , he pranced out behind me . There was a youngish man standing by the counter , who looked to be in his mid - twenties , blondish hair and tan , kind of like a surfer from California . He had on a tank top showing off fairly well developed muscles and shorts that bagged down around his knees . He looked at me with a strange expression , then the light bulb went on in his head , " Oh , hey , ya fer shure . I get it now , funny . I need help , you available ? " " He 's an ankle biter , be careful you don 't make any fast movements . " I joked but I think he believed me as he slowly went to my client chair , stepping carefully . I was trying not to laugh ; this guy must have indulged in a bit too much medicinal weed . " Oh , yeah , I 'm Freddie Norris , pleasure to meet you . " He said holding his hand out , I shook it . " I saw your little detective and security business sign on a taxi at my hotel and came looking for you . I figured you might help me . " " That was slid under my hotel room door . I heard about Harvey dying from spider bites this morning , the news didn 't say how or why he was bitten , but this card made me think . With Harvey out of the competition , it was better odds for one of us to win . So I thought maybe he was murdered and this card worried me . " " Yeah man , I 'm in the contention to be one of the winners now that Harvey is gone ; he was an awesome poker player , no expressions to give him away . Super primo card player . Now I 'm not liking this spider card thing , it 's creepy that I get it so soon after Harvey bit the dust , oh , pardon the pun . " He gave out one of those goofy giggles you hear in the movies from a stoner . " The news said he was bit by a spider and died , but with this card I think there was more to it . " " I 'm not at liberty to discuss the police 's case on Harvey 's death but I will be happy to look into this for you . " I handed him my rate card , figuring I better get this out of the way to see if he had any money . He looked at it and then reached in his front pocket of his shorts and pulled out a wad of cash . He peeled off a couple of hundreds and put them in front of me . " I 'm thinking you need protection and I may be able to help you with that . " I had seen Buck walk by coming from the back door and excused myself . I went to Buck 's office and he gave me his big grin and said howdy . I told him about the man in my office and asked if Mac was doing anything , I wanted to hire him for protection . Buck said he 'd call him and have him come in ; he only lived a short distance away . I thanked him and went back to my office . Freddie was now reaching down and scratching Willy behind the ears , he looked up and smiled , " This is one cute dog you got here . " " I like him and he keeps my wife happy . " I said that just as I sat and then heard the front door open and Penny yelled that it was her and Lacey . She breezed into my office and saw Freddie sitting and stopped saying , " I 'm sorry , I didn 't know you had company . " She put a bag on my desk by me , my sandwich I presumed . I introduced Freddie to Penny and he got this look on his face and said , " I know you , you 're on TV aren 't you ? " She said she was and he said he watched her this morning on TV in his hotel room . He was excited over meeting her and I let him ask her questions about her show as we waited for Mac to come in . About ten minutes later Mac came in and stopped to give Lacey a kiss before he came to see me . Penny was just going out to eat her food and said hi to Mac as he came to my door . Mac is a big guy and nearly fills the door frame as he enters , the kind of guy you want protecting you . He looked a little like a cross between a mob enforcer and a bouncer at one of the swank clubs in Vegas , big and tough . Tough , my kind of image for the firm , I smiled . I stood , " Mac , this is Freddie Norris , I 'd like you to protect him for a few days , just until his poker tourney is over . I 'll explain the circumstances about the case , it may be dangerous . You do have your weapon ? " He pulled back the opened shirt he wore over his t - shirt to reveal his . 38 tucked into his belt . Buck made sure his men were all licensed to carry for various functions he wanted them to guard . " Okay , I 'm going to keep this card ; I 'll have to show it to the police to let them know that this may be a problem . " I turned to Mac , " Take him in the conference room and work out a schedule for watching him and talk to Buck about a back - up for you when you need a break . " Mac said he would and they went out . I sat and pulled out my cell phone , calling Lynn . I knew this would just brighten her day to know that the spider killings were only beginning . She came on , I told her it was me and said , " It 's not over . " I spent a few minutes explaining the situation , hearing her groan every so often and then she said they 'd be over in a while , she had finished with Mrs . Trent and she wasn 't convinced of her innocence . But with this new information it may be deeper than we thought . I said I 'd be in the office till about five and would see her shortly . I put the card in one of the small plastic envelopes I keep in my desk , in case forensics could pull prints off of it , but I doubted it . Mac and Freddie were ready to go out and I told Mac to call me if any little thing happened , he said he would . They left and I went to Buck 's office and asked if he had worked out his deal with the new car lot and he said it was a piece of cake . " No more problems with Retcho guards ? " I asked . " Nope , they 're staying away from us now . I 'm not going to fall into his traps again . My men are armed and dangerous now . " That worried me a little but I figured it was Buck 's job to keep them in line . We talked until my phone rang and I went to get it . I answered and I heard a voice on the line saying that I had better stay out of it or there would be problems . I asked what ' it ' was and the voice said , " just stay out of it , " and hung up . This was getting annoying , threats on the phone now . I went to the SD card recording device I had installed on the phone to record my calls and played back the voice . I listened to it a couple of times then I pulled the SD card from the recorder and put in a new one . I put the card in an envelope to give to Lynn ; I had an idea what ' it ' was . The Black Widow Spider killer did not like my involvement , but how could he know so soon . Freddie was just here and couldn 't have told anyone or could he have ? I 'd have to ask . I called Mac and asked if I could speak to Freddie , he came on and I said I had to know if he talked to anyone about the spider card or coming to see me . Freddie Norris was enjoying the comforts of the Rio Hotel luxury suite as Mac was resting on an easy chair looking out to the Vegas strip from the tenth story window . Mac was also looking at the list of names Freddie had written of people he had told about his situation with the spider card and seeking me out to investigate . I sent Lacey over to pick up the list , I figured she knew her way around Vegas and she 'd be happy to see Mac , since he was going to be away for a few days protecting Freddie from spiders . Freddie was sitting at a poker table he had the hotel bring up for him . There were three other younger men playing cards with Freddie and Mac had insisted he check the men for ID and weapons . They didn 't like it but Freddie reminded them of Harvey Trent and they were pacified . Lacey knocked at the door and Mac had warned Freddie that he was the only person to answer the door . He peeked through the hole and could see the top of Lacey 's head standing there , he open the door and let her in . Seeing the cute young girl gave rise to all kinds of excitement from the geeky card players but Mac shot them a warning look , they shut up and went back to their cards . " I said I 'd be right back , I think Jim has his police friends coming to look at the card and he needs the list . But I could come back later after work if you aren 't too busy . " She gave him a quick kiss and took the list from his hand . " Hey , I survived two tours of Iraq ; I think a luxury hotel is a little safer . I 'll talk to you later . " He kissed her and she went off . The geeks at the table were still snickering and Mac walked by saying , " Eat your hearts out . " A half hour later Lacey arrived back at the office , list in hand . Lynn and Deacon had just gotten there and I was showing the card and filling them in on the phone call . I had played the recording for them and said , " I tried the callback number but it came up nothing , may have been a disposable phone . But I do get the feeling that the killer may not like people nosing in on his killing . " " Dream on Sherlock , he 's exerting his authority over the crime , sort of beating his chest that he is the clever criminal . " Lynn added . " He probably could care less about you , no offense , but he likes the thrill of getting close to the people hunting him . His call made it a challenge to you . This may just turn into a serial case . " Penny said , " Why not , Jim loves serial killers . " I smiled at her and blew her a kiss . " I do this all for you , my love . " I smiled . She replied , " Don 't go out of your way for me , sweetie . " I took the list from Lacey and she went back to the reception area to work on her filing and sorting of the security guard 's personnel files . Willy came bouncing over to her and she put him on the desk by her and rummaged through folders . Buck had left her alone now , he liked having fun with people , but Lacey was too young and innocent to mess with . Lynn was looking the list of names , all people staying in the Rio Hotel and most of them involved in the poker tourney . " Play the voice recording again , " she asked . I did . I spoke , " Well , it definitely was a man 's voice so we can rule out women , unless they 're working with the killer , but I think he works alone . This was a fantasy killing , using spiders instead of just shooting or stabbing the victim . A little more dramatic and weird . " Lynn shot him a look ; she was doing that a lot lately . This case was going to stress her out until it was solved . " So what shall we do about the list ? " I asked . " Let 's go listen to a few voices and see if any fit . " We all stood and went to the lobby . Penny said she was getting tired and wanted to go home , I asked Buck if he could run her home for me , he said he would . I had driven Penny to her station for her show this morning , otherwise she would drive herself , but I wanted to take her to lunch so I drove . I kissed her and said I 'd be home in a while . I followed Lynn and Deacon in my Crown Vic over to the Rio Hotel and into the parking structure . We went into the hotel and I had to call Mac to find out what room they were in . He told me where they were , so we went to the elevators and up to the tenth floor , finding the room . Lynn knocked on the door and it was opened by Mac smiling at us . Freddie was still with his companions playing cards and he stood as we came in . I went to introduce Freddie to Lynn and Deacon and Lynn said , " May I ask you a few questions ? " " I 've been at it ever since my uncle taught me to play when I was twelve . He said I had a natural ability for the game , he said I was good . So I kept at it and entered a number of competitions around the country , I played online a lot and then came to Vegas for the big World Series Of Poker , the WSOP tournament that they would hold at either Caesar 's Palace , the Rio or Harrahs . I had built up a good amount of cash and had enough to enter . I 'm finally in the running for the grand prize . Finally after all these years , the cards held good for me . " " Sure we all knew each other , we were a crew , friends and still rivals when it came to Texas Hold - em . I was shocked when I heard about Harvey , then that card came and it wigged me out , man , I didn 't like being threatened . I saw that little billboard on the taxi out front for Richards Investigations and Security and figured they 'd have someone who could watch me to keep me safe , so went there . I 'm not about to die this close to the win . " He sat back and smiled . " I was here with my peeps , playing cards of course , these fine gentlemen right here as a matter of fact . " He said pointing to the geeks still hunched over the table watching us . When Freddie brought the attention to them they pretended they were intent on playing cards . " Oh hell , it had to have been around five A . M . give or take . " he replied . Lynn looked to Deacon , then to me , " Just after Harvey got it . He 's moving fast . " She turned back to Freddie , " I need to talk to your peeps , call them over . " Lynn held her badge out and told them to sit . " Freddie says you pulled an all nighter here playing cards ? " They quietly acknowledged her with head bops and grunts . " He mentioned that he was going to see someone about that spider card he got , any of you remember that ? " Again with the head nods . " Any of you make any phone calls about the card or his visit after he left ? " Now they swayed their heads side to side . " So , if I check the phone records of this room , there would be no calls going out ? " Again the sways . " Now I can get a warrant for your personal cell phones to see if there were any calls made , how about that ? " Two of the boys did the head sway , but one just sat still . I saw this and so did Lynn . " What 's your name , sport ? " she said to the boy in the hoodie . He sat looking blank , not saying anything . Lynn turned to Mac and asked , " Mac , would you escort everyone but this fine young man out of the room for a moment while we talk ? " Mac came over and motioned to the group to vacate the room and they did , slowly , watching back to their friend . The boy sat , now looking a bit worried . Lynn leaned over to Deacon and asked him to sit next to the boy to help him remember any calls he may have made . Deacon sat next to the now frightened boy , sitting about a head taller that the kid . I was trying not to laugh . " He was hanging behind the table where we were playing Hold - em yesterday . I took a break , well , I was eliminated actually and went to the can , he followed . I thought at first he was some pervert but he introduced himself as a reporter and wanted some good dirt on the players . He told me he 'd give me $ 100 to call him anytime something happens with us , any little detail that we do . He said there would be more money later if I did good . I needed the cash so I said I would . He gave me a card with a number on it and left . I didn 't care who he was , he just offered me money , so I took it . " " Wouldn 't do much good , he had on sun - glasses and a full beard that covered most his face . I think it was fake . He had no scars or marks that I could see and he had on a hat , like they wear in the Bahamas , you know hemp with a wide brim . His clothes were plain , nothing to make him stand out . I really don 't think his description would help . " " I 'll need your cell phone number to get this started , " Lynn said and Harry gave her the number and handed her his cell phone . She called the forensics department and asked for someone in electronics . She explained what she wanted and gave them the phone number and they said they 'd see if they could do it . Lynn waited and then the person came back and said they had gotten the tower links to his phone and to try calling a number . Lynn looked to me and said she was calling my number and dialed it on Harry 's phone . My phone rang and I answered , the tech told Lynn to hold on and then came back saying the cell tower triangulation pointed the call to a cell in the Rio Hotel . Lynn smiled and said to hold on . Harry nodded his head and took the phone back and dialed the number . He put the call on speaker phone and a few seconds later the person answered . Harry identified himself and told the person on the other end of the phone what Lynn told him to say . The person asked a few more questions and Harry made up a few things he thought sounded good , Lynn was nodding her head approvingly . The person said that Harry did good and would be in touch with some more money and hung up . Lynn went back to her phone and asked if they got anything . The tech said that it looked like the call was received in the Rio hotel again ; he asked if we had made the same call as before , Lynn said it wasn 't . The tech said then the person was also in the Rio . Lynn hung up quickly and called for back - up of just her detectives , no sense getting the Hotel upset by SWAT rummaging through the building . She told Warren where to meet and then hung up . She looked to Harry and said , " You , my friend are going to lead us to find this guy , understand ! " She stood and Deacon helped Harry up by his collar . I followed them out the door and told Mac to take the guys back in the room and be on guard , the killer may be near . He said he would and I ran after Lynn and Deacon pulling Harry along . We got to the ground floor and waited at the entrance for Warren and his men to arrive . Harry was looking around nervously , probably hoping the killer didn 't see him with the cops . About ten minutes later they showed up and Lynn explained her plan that they would walk around the WSOP auditorium to see if they could find him there first . Lynn led Harry out front into the auditorium where people were still playing Texas Hold - em and they walked around the perimeter . Lynn could feel Harry was shaking as they stalked the floor , he suddenly stiffened as they came around to a group of people cheering on one man at a table who must have won his game . Behind the people stood a man with a beard , sun glasses and a straw hat . Lynn signaled to her men and they spread out around the table . Deacon came up behind the man and held his weapon up to the man 's back as the rest of the detectives moved close to his sides . Deacon whispered in his ear , " It wouldn 't be a good idea to do something stupid , you are surrounded by police and we need to take you out of here quietly . Do you understand ? " The man stood frozen but started to nod his head . Two detectives took his arms and brought them behind his back as Deacon handcuffed the man . Lynn asked Harry again if this was the man , he nodded his head vigorously and she told him to hang back but to follow them . The man was led out of the auditorium and taken to a waiting unmarked car out front and put in the back . Lynn told her men she would meet them back at the precinct . They drove off and we went to get our cars , Lynn taking Harry along . I drove over to the precinct and parked , going into the back entrance and found them standing by the interrogation rooms . Lynn waved and signaled me to go in observation . I did . She and Deacon went into the room as Harry and I sat on the backside of the mirror watching . The man was seated at the table now and looking nonchalant about this all . He had a cool expression from what I could see under the beard that did look fake . Lynn sat across from him and Deacon stood silently by as Lynn leaned forward and spoke . " You like spiders ? Maybe you used a dozen or so to murder a man this morning ? " She paused . His smile slowly faded and he took off the sunglasses and put them on the table . He reached up and started to pull at the beard removing it from his face . A few seconds later he had it all off and laying on the table . " Try a dozen spider bites , all put on him by you . " She picked up his wallet laying with his other possessions and said , " So Mr . Harcourt , you know nothing about spiders , Black Widow spiders . I have men at your apartment now checking it to see if your hoard of the creatures are there . Come on Harcourt talk to me . You had a kid keep tabs on a few players and one of them was murdered and another was threatened . " " I 'm not who you think I am , I 'm not a killer . I 'm a reporter for the Las Vegas Exposed magazine . I had the kid feed me info about the players , you know , kinky stuff , illegal activities if any , the good stuff . When that other kid got the spider card and I got a call from Harry about it , I started to put things together . Murder by bite , my next byline . I was hanging around the casino to see if I could pick up on anything else that may tell me more about the killing . That 's all I have for you . " He sat back . Lynn just stared at him and stood . " You better be telling me the truth , or I will have Detective DeAngelo here , take you apart for subjecting me to spiders . " She walked out of the room ; Deacon followed her leaving Harcourt alone with a cop watching him . Lynn took the wallet to her desk and made a call to the LV Exposed magazine after she called information . She asked for the editor after identifying herself and when she came on Lynn asked if they had a Paul Harcourt on staff . The editor laughed and asked if he was arrested again . Lynn said he is in custody and if she could just verify that he worked there . She said he did . Lynn thanked her and hung up . " You know if we didn 't question a few people we wouldn 't be able to catch the real criminals , and you are wasting my time to find him . Now shut up and talk . " Lynn was looking frustrated . " I meant stop blowing hot air and tell what you know . " " You may be a reporter , but that doesn 't let you off for the kill . You could be raising spiders to murder people , and using your magazine as a cover . As soon as my men are done at your place we 'll talk again . " She opened the door and called the guard to take Harcourt to his cell until she needed to talk some more . " Suspicion of conspiracy to commit murder . Or for further questioning , whichever you like . It 's up to you . I believe you are a link to the killer . Your sleaze rag is not my concern , report what you want , the public will decide when it comes out you impeded a murder investigation and aided the killer . I have friends in the legitimate news reporting media . Maybe they 'd like my side of the story . Now when you want to tell me about whom you share your information with , we 'll talk . " It was now around five P . M . when Mac let room service enter with the cart load of food that Freddie had ordered . Mac checked under the covered food to be sure there were no small crawly creatures riding for free . Freddie 's friends had left the room to go get some gambling time in before bed time , leaving Freddie and Mac alone . Mac lifted the cover over the burgers that smelled tasty and put one on his plate . He reached for the fries that were under another cover as Freddie filled his plate with whatever food was in front of him . Freddie greedily wolfed down the food and reached for the silver plated decanter of what he figured was wine . He removed the top and went to drink from the decanter just as something popped out of the bottle . Mac was watching Freddie and saw the tiny black dot drop to Freddie 's face , he jumped up and knocked the bottle from Freddie 's hand and was beating his face to smash the spiders that had followed the first one out . Freddie was screaming bloody murder as Mac knocked the last of the tiny creatures from Freddie . Mac stood and looked to the decanter on the floor to see more of the creatures coming out . He reached into his cargo pants pocket and brought out a small aerosol can he bought on the way to the Hotel earlier . It was a Pyrethrum aerosol that would kill spiders , so he took aim at the decanter and let loose the spray . Watching the spiders curl up and slowly die , he turned to Freddie and checked him for any spiders that he may have missed . There were a few on the table and on the ground by Freddie , so Mac sprayed the area . Freddie had now retreated to the suite 's door and was just watching Mac work , his eyes about popping out of his head . Mac quietly checked the area and saw no movement now . He pulled his cell phone and speed dialed me . " I think you need to get over here and bring your friends . We just had a spider infestation . " I told Lynn what had happened and we drove over to the Rio and up to the tenth floor . Mac was at the door now , and we came in to see the scene just as Mac had left it . Lynn had Warren and three other detectives along and told Warren to go down to room service and track the person who brought the cart up . He left with one of the other detectives and Lynn cautiously went to the decanter still on the floor surrounded by dead spiders . Mac explained what had happened and how he had picked up the pesticide spray for protection . I told him he was in for a bonus for his actions and he smiled , " It 's all in a days work . " She studied the cart and suddenly said , " No glasses . The killer left the glasses out . He probably figured Freddie would want the wine and being a kid , just drink form the decanter , like milk from the carton . " Freddie was still shaking , " Why would anyone want to kill me ? I didn 't do anything to anyone , other than win at cards . Is this a reason for murder now ? " Lynn walked around the decanter still on the floor and called CSI to come and get the evidence , glad that they would take the dead things out . " Yep , there has to be a connection , so Freddie lets talk about it . Did you know Harvey Trent very well ? " " I 'm from Santa Barbara , California . I lived there for sixteen of my twenty - four years , started out in Palatka , Florida . My parents moved to California due to my dad 's job . " " He was some kind of computer software designer , mostly games for PC 's . I talked to him about it one time and he wasn 't very open about his work . All top secret , hush - hush stuff . You know corporate espionage stuff . I didn 't care , I don 't like computer games , the cards are my draw . " Lynn told me she knew most of Harvey 's past from talking to his wife , but wanted to see if he shared information with his poker competitors . He did . Lynn turned to Mac , " Do you think you 'll be able to stop the killer again ? He 's not going to be happy that you prevented his kill . " I said , " I may have Buck send another man to help , doesn 't hurt to have back - up . " Mac said that would work for him . I went off to the side and called Buck to tell him about the incident and send another man . He said , " I 'll call someone and have them there before long and I 'm still at your home . Penny asked me to hang in until the pest control people get here . She started looking at the shrubs and bushes around the house and found a number of spider nests ; she got a bit freaked , so she called the exterminators . " I had to laugh and Deacon looked to me wondering what was funny . I told Buck I would be there shortly and hung up . I told Deacon and Lynn what Buck had told me and Lynn said , " Smart woman . " She looked to Deacon and asked , " Find out if our apartment building sprays for spiders . " Deacon winked at me and said he would .
|
On my holiday I went to the sunny lands of Tenerife . All of my family went with me including my : twin brothers ( Jasper and Keith ) , my older brother ( Charlie ) and my typical teenage sister ( Lexi , short for Alexis ) . My family were not the only people who went . My worst enemy , Jennifer Malone , and her family went as well . My family were delighted that the Malone family could come . This was because they had a little boy called Matt who always plays with my twin brothers , a teenage girl called Amelia that adores Charlie and teenage boy called Jordan who adores Lexi . Anyway , because it was so early when we got out of the car , we decided to have a bit fun . All of us went on the beach and played beach volleyball . Even Lexi played and she hated most sports . After a while the teenagers and adults went to sunbathe while Jennifer , Jasper , Keith , Matt and I had water fights with our water pistols . Then Jennifer told me to come with her . I had a feeling that she was going to play that game that I hated : Dare or Die . The whole point of the game is that you have to do a dare that you are given otherwise the person that gave you the dare will do something naughty and blame it on you . So I followed Jennifer up to the top of the hotel roof and dared me to jump down a tube that led straight down to the middle of the road . I was thinking ' what should I do next ? ' There was a break in at the National Bank of America and the criminals had stolen one million pounds ! The police were quicker than the speed of light to get in pursuit of the thieving gang but the gang weren 't about to give up . Bang ! There went another bullet . The police were resistant but were being shaken around , but what really kept them going was that there was someone on the edge of the helicopter about to fire a nuclear missile that they had stolen at them . The police were more worried about their own life than the criminals , because even if the criminals did survive , they would get the death sentence . The police took advantage of a pause and shot the helicopter . The helicopter remained in condition but the criminal on the edge fell off ! The Missile fell first and exploded and left oblivion for the criminal to land in ……… . . When we got to New York , we found our hotel that we were supposed to stay . " It is ever so tall , " Sarah stated . Then I explained that it was called a Sky Scraper . When we were booked in , we found out that our rooms were on the very top floor . Imagine how we felt when there was no lift . We had to climb up the stairs ! There were lots of stairs to climb one , two , three , four … 1000 , 1001 , 1002 , 1003 , in the end I gave up counting . At last ! We found the end of the stairs . Our apartment stuck quite a good bit out of the building . When we unlocked the door , Sarah went skipping across the floor . " Stop ! " I screamed . It was to late . She had skipped over the hole . I went to inspect it . It was not a hole it was just a glass floor that looked like a hole . Suddenly , I was standing on a glass floor . ' I know this place , its the CN Tower in Toronto ' I thought . Then I said aloud " It 's getting really hot in here … " But I didn 't get time to finish what I was saying because , by then , the glass had all ready melted , and I was falling . Down , down , down I fell , the ground rushing towards me . I knew I was going to die , my heart was racing , I couldn 't breathe , but when the ground was too close for comfort , it turned into my bedroom floor ! Phew , at least it was a dream or was it all real ? There was molten glass on the carpet . Mum and Dad the light bulb exploded but I think it 's from the CN Tower . High above the Russian City war was in full swing , helicopters everywhere , Russian planes were flying swiftly up into the battlefield . The Russian air force quickly outnumbered the Irish air force , with their first class fighting machines the Russians could easily get rid of the Irish . It was a gruesome beginning , the machines started to let their engines rip , soon enormous shards of metal started falling to the ground . Down in the crushed city the petrified citizens took cover in an underground tunnel , what a fight ! Back up in the bright blue sky every type of gun you could imagine was firing at the enemy fleet . Some aircrafts were even crashing into others . Finally the battle was coming to an end but there were still a few aircraft left , then all of a sudden … a blast , a bang , and a boom ! One of the Russian helicopters got hit , smoke came gushing out of the side of the metal machine , the men inside the helicopter felt afraid that they would never see their families again . Suddenly the crazed pilot had an idea , as a quick as a flash he gave his quivering soldiers all a parachute and opened the escape exit , he dangled his feet over the edge , and hollered " Let 's go ! " and with that they all leapt out of the bottom of the helicopter . They were frightened but brave as they jumped , they pressed the button to make the parachute eject and they glided safely to the ground . All day , my family and me spend precious time packing up . Until we were all done it was nearly midnight . The next day was tiring , we spend hours on the plane to Washington DC but finally we were there . Unfortunately when the introducer showed us the residence were we were sleeping , I very nearly fainted . It was like floating in the air near the edge of a cliff . I didn 't even dare touch the floor . When reached the peek my mother reassuring me . I was shaking , thinking I was going faint . Now I could see the modern Houses Of Parliament . My panicky feeling changed , now it was the experience of a lifetime . Unfortunatly , I was nearing the end of my adventure . When I took one step off I wished I could relive the entire experience again . I was overwhelmed , my day was made ! " Where next ? " my mother asked . One day , I went to sleep and had a strange dream . If you want to know what it is about then read on … Me and my family went out to Miniland which is in Legoland . It was just full of lego people doing different jobs ; like there was a little man being a farmer looking after cattle and chickens . I saw a train going round on a rail and a ship sailing through a sea which was just a bit of water . Then suddenly I saw my little sister Elisha starting to to break pieces of the buildings . I had to quickly pull her away because the security guard was about to see her . Elisha took some pieces in her hand and she wouldn 't let go of it . The security guard saw me and Elisha and he stormed up to me . He shouted at me and called my Mum and Dad to come instantly . We all tried to get the pieces out of Elisha 's hand and the we finally got it out . Later on Mum and Dad shouted at me continuously that I had to look after Elisha more better or she could have even eaten the pieces of lego which could be extremely dangerous . We weren 't allowed to ever go to that place again until Elisha was old enough to not take any more pieces . She was only two so it was going to be a long wait till she was old enough . I suddenly woke up and called Mum and she instantly came upstairs and into my bedroom . I told her " Can we not got to Legoland until Elisha is old enough like roughly five years old . " Mum replied back to me asking why did I ask this peculiar question so I told her my dream and she okay . I was in the aeroplane going home from Florida . my ears popped , my dad was asleep and my sister was just texting . ( My mum was already at home because she wasnt feeling too good . ) My name is Jenna , my blonde , shiny , glossy hair ( says my mum , ) was all knotty and was in a pony tail . When we got back to the UK my blue eyes glistened because it was a beautiful frosty morning and i was relived to be back home . When leaving the departure there was thousands of people every where … ( i think you know whats going to happen . ) I soon lost my way and was battered between people . I had lost Dad , Lauren I couldn 't even see the plane because there was so many people ! I was finally pushed out of the barbaric herd of hooligans . ( called humans . ) and it was my chance to see if I could find my dad or my beloved sister . I somehow got destracted however and , well … . . there was something that sparkled from the corner of my eye . So i stupidly went after it ! I dont even know WHY ! ! i raced towards it and I found myself in a somewhat garden ! 23rd December 2013 at 7 : 50 pm Reply It was a bright , sunny day in busy Blackpool and I was just about to start on what I thought would be a brilliant holiday , My whole family were really excited as we had never been to Blackpool which was quite surprising as we have been to many places . Just as we neared our destination my little brother Jimmy , let out a squeal of excitement as he saw the giant amusement park . A grin as big as the sun beamend across my face as I saw Blackpool emerge in front of me . I 'd studied Blackpool before so I knew where I wanted to go . I shouted out , " let 's go to the tower ! " I started to ebb towards it as I wanted to be able to absorbe all this fun and excitement . A huge , exciting building towered over me . I couldn 't wait . I was halfway up the long , ever winding stairs when I asked , " Can … we stop … now … for a rest ? " My family then simultaneously echoed " Yes ! " After a break and some tasty snacks we continued until we finally reached the very peak of the enormous builidng . As I stepped out a cold whoosh of air hit me and made me abit more lively . I stared down throught the glass and it made all the humans look like tiny ants . I quickly staggered off the glass as I heard a crack . The glass had broken and I just managed to tug my brother to safety ! My safe family immediately rushed home and never spoke of it again . One day I embarked on a journey to Paris to climb on the top of the gigantic Eiffel tower . I wanted to overcome my fear of heights . As I went up I felt like a hundred of crawling spiders were running on my back . I continued climbing to be able to see from the eye bird view the narrow roads , houses with thatched roofs and ancient and colorful buildings . When I got to the top of the Eiffel tower I was totally terrified . But gradually the sense of self - confidence got over me and I realized that I have overcome my fear . I felt extremely excited and relived I was not afraid of heights anymore … One day I embarked on a journey to Paris to climb on the top of the gigantic Eiffel tower . I wanted to overcome my fear of heights . As I went up I felt like a hundred of crawling spiders were running on my back . I continued climbing to be able to see from the eye bird view the narrow roads , houses with thatched roofs and ancient and colorful buildings . When I got to the top of the Eiffel tower I was totally terrified . But gradually the sense of self - confidence got over me and I realized that I have overcome my fear . I felt extremely excited and relived I was not afraid of heights anymore … It was my friend Bill who started my sky diving . It was my friend Bill who went with me on my first sky - dive . In fact , Bill was , and still is my best friend . DON ' T LOOK DOWN UNTIL YOU ARE ABOUT 10 FEET HIGH ! ! ! I now even do it for charity , I call it " The Annual Sky Dive " and my friends and I ( one of which is Bill ) always raise hundreds of pounds . Every year I 'm the first to jump and I always wish my feet were long enough to touch the ground from the plane ! On the 26th of October there was a really heavy storm and at the very top of the gigantic building called Barclays , there was a stained glassed roof panel . The wind and the horrid rain was a terrible disaster and the stained glassed roof panel had fallen off so there was a massive puddle of water in the middle of someones office . When the rain had stopped , the head of the office called a fireman and the fireman climbed onto the roof and went to the missing panel . Suddenly …… the wind started to blow and the rain started to pour ! The fireman on the roof had fixed the roof panel and put a tile in replace but he couldn 't get down and then as quick as a cheater , it was HAIL STONES ! The fireman couldn 't resist the hail stones so he weirdly decided to jump off of the tallest building but died straight away after landing on his back . 18th January 2014 at 10 : 52 am Reply Walking higher , higher and higher the tall transparent stairs were truly frightening , seeing millions of tiny heads beneath me , I was heading for the top of the dome ; I 'd look down seeing millions of dots buzzing around beneath me . I 'd been there many times though it was always just as amazing . Three quarters of the way up I heard a boom , pieces of glass began racing down towards the city . A helicopter zoomed past CRASH , BANG AND BOOM another thousand shards of glass sped past . Rushing down , pushing my way past , desperate to get to safety . Soon I realized I was standing invulnerable in the city . That was when they explained that the greatest landmark of all time was slowly disintegrating . My favourite place had now turned into a danger zone . As I walked on board the helicopter , I felt a mix of excitement and anxiety . For a few seconds , there was deafening silence . Then , gripping onto my seat , the colosall , red helicopter kissed the ground goodbye annd lifted off . The sensation was exhilerating . The propellors sped round continuously . WHOOSH ! WHOOSH ! WHOOSH ! We were ascending faster than the speed of light . As I gazed out of the window , awe - struck , all I could make out was a blue blur . Suddenly we slowed down and as the blue blur cleared , immense lumps of cotton wool drifted into view like phantoms . Suddenly , a queer grinding noise came from the engine . Why was the engine playing up ? What was happening ? ! As if answering my thoughtd , the pilot , a small , stout figure that usually wore a disgruntled expression , appeared with a faer - struck face . I looked down in wonder and gazed intently ast the miniscule trees , houses , buildings and hedges - they all looked like toys . The pilot 's voice brought me back to reality . " It 's time … " I was on holiday in sunny Dubai with my brother ( Joey ) and my parents . Joey was not much older than me for I was twelve he was fifteen . Our parents could not come on this holiday because of a situation that happened in Japan , my Dad is a policeman , and apparently my Mum had to come too . so i was stuck with Joey and my grandparents , who are so boring . Why ! i thought . why would joey ask me that . i then had a terrible thought , he is trying to terrify me with my worst fear , heights . grandma told me some boring facts about Duabi . they were either about the resteraunts or the heat , which in my case is boring . as we slowly made our way to the kilometere high top of this building , Joey gave me some very cheeky and evil smirks . I almost started laughing about what grandma had said . Joey gave me an evil face saying i 'm going to kill you , at least grandma and grandpa were here ! Joey also hates heights , so I watched very pleasantly of my brother making his way towards the glass box . then out of nowhere the glass box shattered with Joey inside ! Joey is an archetect and loves drawing and creating but this story isnt about creating something … well it is a little bit , its about how a building got its name . Now this building already had a name . Its name was Ocketty and Ocketty happened to be Joey 's last name . On the 11th May 2005 Joey over heard a conversation about a broken tile on the roof of this tall , bendy building and ran over to see if he could help . Joey made his way to the stair to get to the pointy top of the extraordinary building . He then climbed to the top and then fixed the tile in a blink of an eye ! Weirdly he saw a massive bird fly across infront of him … then he realised , it wasnt a bird it was a man ! Joey leaped out off of the tall bendy building and caught the man that had either jumped , fallen or been pushed of another building . It was lucky because they had a lucky landing and no one was hurt . The man thanked Joey and it really did make him a hero ! Since then they named the building he jumped off of to save a man , Ocketty Joey ! By Leila T A few months after the promotion of James Bond to 007 , we sent an a early promoted agent called JB Tomas on an assassin hunt to retrieve the biggest amount of money stolen ever in the history of humanity . 007 was on a mission we call Skyfall , to capture a traitor who used to worked for us . 007 was our 1st choice though JB hadn 't had a debut mission yet . He caught track of the thief trying to store the money at Barclays . JB 's code name was 0008 though he had been training for only 1 year so he wasn 't experienced on the field . JB had only been training for 1 year though he knew how to fire a gun properly . He had not been expecting backup for the thief so he was forced to stab one of them just in time . The noise the backup had made was so loud that the thief started to make a run . The Chase had begun … JB pulled out his gun and started to climb onto the lift and just had time to grab onto the bottom of the lift . The thief was now outside on the top of the roof . JB pointed the gun and the criminal said " You shoot me and the money goes down , " and he jumped off the building and deployed a parachute . JB said " Happy landings , " and shot the parachute so the man fell down and broke his neck . 21st January 2014 at 6 : 26 pm Reply My life I 'm falling , down I go off a building , about to end my life , but before that I 'll start from the beginning . I was happy as a child everything I could of wanted but I went on and on I got , I got , but I wished I had someone to share it with . My Dad was at work , my Mum was too busy doing household chores . When I was about thirteen I had a baby brother . He was cute but naughty . When I got to eighteen I moved out the house and worked for a sky diving company , I was paid millions of pounds . I did my next dive at the age of twenty two . So here I am , at the end of it , I was getting closer and closer , until I realized I lived a happy life . I fell down and was happy as I died . When we got there we saw a towering building called the Lillies . I begged and begged my mum to go up there and finally she gave up and said yes . We climbed and climbed and eventually got to the top . The guide told us to stand on a clear platform and look down , so I stood on it and looked down , it was TERRIFYING . My hands were sweaty and my heart felt like it was about to burst out of my chest . Hundred of feet below I saw people on the street looking like ants hurrying about their business . " Mum you have got to see this ! " I shouted to her . My mum backed away but I grabbed her hand and got her on the clear platform . She kept a grip of the wall and didn 't look down . She as well was terrified and she looked at me with a panicked face . 31st January 2014 at 4 : 29 pm Reply It all started on a sunny autumn day while I was working in my office . Through the vast chaos outside my door I heard a Bang ! Crash ! Bang ! Then cars breaking abruptly making my papers dance in the commotion . I peered out the window . Cars driving normally but , then I looked out of the door . With a great swoosh ! I closed my eyes …… It felt like seconds had turned to minutes and minutes had turned to hours as my eyes gazed at something bright . It looked like a lamp when instantaneously I realised it was the sun and I was falling . Falling and gaining pace . The cars grew bigger every time I fell a meter as I looked at our floor torn to shreds , which the cars had been beeping at . My spine felt ice - cold as I screamed out nervously . The buildings grew closer in sight as I knew this would be the end . I emptied my last thoughts and my last view of this wonderful world . I closed my eyes and waited for it to happen … . I could hear beeping now . I knew I most be close . But before I knew I was going to hit the ground something peculiar happened . Boing ! I bounced ! I opened my eyes to find that I was alive . I knew this was a dream I was going to tell my kids … . . 18th March 2014 at 8 : 13 am Reply It was my friend Bill who started my sky diving . It was my friend Bill who went with me on my first sky - dive . In fact , Bill is my best friend . Bump ! The long , thin bus , as gold as a gold ingot journeyed as it whizzed over the uneven cobbles . I was really bored after a huge bump came along . I was also lonely , excited , hungry , as I had no breakfast , and I was really thirsty . I was on a school trip going to this ' interesting and fun surprise building . ' But I don 't think it is going to be ' fun ' or ' interesting ' because we 've been sitting in the bus for 3 hours ! ( that 's half a school day ! ) Anyway , the bus was 10 feet long , held 27 passengers , had foggy windows ( so there 's no point in looking through them because you 'll see nothing but white ) and was so shiny . When we arrived I was relieved after a 3 and 3 / 4 hours journey ; 225 minutes . We , my class , went to the nearest lift but it said ' out of order ' on it so we climbed the 200 stairs to the top of the building and we looked all the way down to the ground , through some glass . That was meant to be the ' fun ' and ' interesting ' part . Then the glass cracked and the next thing I knew I was falling , at 100mph , down to the ground ! No one saw me while I was falling . Luckily I didn 't fall anymore ! I was flying ! I just gently glided to the Earth . Once on the ground I climbed the steps , with my lunch in my hands , and went back to the class . Finally when I got home I went to bed as it was 22 : 03 ! The next morning I felt a little unsure of something . But didn 't know what it was . She was so scared and the bad thing was that she suffers with vertigo and she 's clostaphobic so its not good . She was as scared as a hog being chased by a lion . So they started to go up the tower every step of the way she was getting scared . She was really nervous when she could see how tall it was she was getting dizzy . She got to the top quite slowly , she looked down and it was a wonderful view ! 25th April 2014 at 12 : 45 pm Reply It was a scorching hot , sunny day . The sun was shining a red and orange colour . The sky was clear and as blue as the deep sea with only a few scattered clouds here and there . Milly had just turned 10 and was on a luxurious holiday to New York with her magnificent mum and dad . They all thought New York was amazing . It was better than anywhere they had ever been before . The sights were amazing and so interesting to see . All the people were really friendly . There was no other place they wanted to be . They had been in New York for 9 long tiering days . But to their great disappointment today was their last day . They had come to the magnificent city of New York for the astonishing sight seeing . Today Milly 's brave family would climb to the very top of the enormouse Empire State building . Suddenly they heard an excited voice coming from the speaker " welcome to the slide ride ! " What was the slide ride ? Everyone was quarrelling about it . They hadn 't paid for a ride . They had no choice but to slide down . It was a narrow tube that finished in the gift shop . They all lined up ready to zoom down the slide . They twisted and twirled down the slide and all screamed " Ahh ! " . It was awesome . The ride was a great way to spend their last day and they loved it . 27th April 2014 at 7 : 27 pm Reply SKY DIVING ! ! ! It was my friend Bill who started my sky diving . It was my friend Bill who went with me on my first sky - dive . In fact , Bill is my best friend . Over the years I started doing sky diving lessons , I practiced and I practiced and as they say ' practice makes perfect ' , well that 's what happened to me , I became perfect ( or so said my coaches ( there were two , one on the plane , one on the ground ) ) . I now even do it for charity . I call it " The Annual Sky Dive " and my friends and I ( one of which is Bill ) always raise hundreds of pounds . And if you were wondering were all that money goes to , it goes to the country and to various different charities . I can also do many stunts now . I do flips , rolls , turns , of many - a - kind . Every year I 'm the first to jump , I always walk to the edge of the plane , stop , wish my feet were long enough to touch the ground , put on my parachute and hurl myself from the plane . Once I 'm in the air the fears just whoosh off and I 'm free to be free . Once , I remember , as I was doing a practise land , I was nearly suffocated because , when I landed , I didn 't run forward , or take the backpack that held the parachute off , so it landed on me . I glanced at the world below me . I was petrified . My legs were shaking like jelly ; teeth chattering constantly . Tiny dots moved ever so slowly below . I could not jump so I closed my eyes and a man pushed me out of the plane . " AAAHHH " I shrieked as I rushed through the cool air . I finally landed in a hay stack . " Yeah , that was awesome ! " I announced . " Ok " said Rachel skipping towards the lift . She pressed the button and waited with her family for the doors to open . The lift arrived and they walked in with their luggage . 27th October 2014 at 1 : 43 pm Reply One late morning , there was a man going for a tour in the Shard . Suddenly , he woke up and looked at his watch . He gasped because he had to leave in five minutes . Once he was dressed , he ran out the door into his car and drove off . Just as he arrived , there was a really long line so he went to queue up . Although the line was long it was moving very fast because you just have to sigh your name to get in . The man was going higher , higher and higher as if the building didn 't have a top until it was time to go back down in a glass elevator . The elevator took people down one at a time so the man went first . He took his first step and heard it creak when suddenly the glass fell apart ! The man held onto the edge of the building in fright and he shouted for help continuously . The police were barging in and pulled the man up with all their strength and the man was saved . The story was all over the news and it became a date in everyone 's diary as he was known as the glass man . The Shard became famous for the glass man and everyone wanted to experience the fright . The Shard invented a ride called the glass fright . Not only is this a business tower but became a tourist attraction . It was my friend Bill who started my sky diving . It was my friend Bill who went with me on my first sky - dive . In fact , Bill is my best friend . At first , I was so scared , I nearly had a mental brake - down , but Bill , who , in my opinion is the best person to rely on told me the secret … DON ' T LOOK DOWN UNTIL YOU ARE ABOUT 10 FEET FROM THE GROUND ! ! ! I still remember the tension that built up in the plane as I tentatively tiptoed to the door . I still remember the feeling of absolute freedom after I had cautiously stepped off of the edge . Over the years I started doing sky diving lessons , I practised and I practised and as they say ' practice makes perfect ' , well that 's what happened to me , I became perfect ( or so said my coaches ( there were two , one on the plane , one on the ground ) ) . I now even do it for charity . It 's called " The Annual Sky Dive " and my friends and I ( one of which is Bill ) always raise hundreds of pounds . And if you were wondering were all that money goes to , it goes to the country and to various different charities . I can also do many stunts now . I do flips , rolls , turns , of many - a - kind . Every year I 'm the first to jump , I always walk to the edge of the plane , stop , wish my feet were long enough to touch the ground , put on my parachute and hurl myself from the plane . Once I 'm in the air the fears just whoosh off and I 'm free to be free . Once , I remember , as I was doing a practise land , I was nearly suffocated because , when I landed , I didn 't run forward , or take the backpack that held the parachute off , so it landed on me . 14th November 2014 at 7 : 57 pm Reply It wasn 't my fault that I had acrophobia . I just … had . I was terrible at handling loftiness . So , it is quite evident that I had not picked our holiday destination to be Alpstrak , the biggest curve on the tallest viewing observatory on the highest apex of the biggest mountain that humanity had conquered ( A few galaxies away ) . It was on planet X ; the one that in fact turned out to be extremely far away . We took the local wormhole , and arrived there in fifteen milliseconds . I would have preferred two seconds . Of course Alcrin wanted to go straight to the top and go in the glass viewing box . She knew my fear . I bet she was doing it especially for me . And my parents always listen to her , not me . The lift took a minute to ascend the 9 septillion mile route to the top . And that was the fastest one . Dad grumbled that the council needed to make that stupid list faster . For me it was too fast . My theory about her suggestion to go to the top was confirmed when I saw Alcrin 's duplicitous smile . " Hey . " she said , raising her voice so that everyone could hear her . " I 've decided to be nice to you today . I 'll let you have first go in the box . " I noticed her nine hundred and ninety nine thousand decillion pixel HD recorder stuck in her back pocket . She was going to record me . Then I remembered my handmade deluxe laser cutter and hacker that I had become inseparable to . I discreetly hacked into the camcorder and made sure that it would switch my body with Alcrin 's . Then I stepped in . Immediately my heart began to beat faster . My Adams apple swelled , constricting my throat . " At least I won 't be able to scream . " I told myself . I tried not to look down . But , ofcourse , as soon as I tried not to , I did . And , somehow I screamed . I tried to console myself , that I was fine , that I 'd hacked into the recorder , that I was in a box . And , slowly , I stepped out . Then a grin spread over my face " Your turn now . " I said to Alcrin . She was petrified of heights - even more than me . I sprayed a web of cracks across the glass with the laser cutter , made sure they wouldn 't fall apart , and smiled sweetly at Alcrin . " I 'll take care of that to you . " I told her . I slid the recorder out of her pocket and pushed her in . Her eyes widened as she saw the cracks . I had just climbed the worlds tallest tower with my family . Little did I know what would be at the top . Right there in front of me was a glass floor . My eyes suddenly shut and my heart was racing . I edged forward squeezing Mummy 's hand , and my sister Sally shouted with excitement . Sally had always wanted to look through a glass floor . Me , on the other hand , not so keen ! . Sally has always been excited about heights , where I feel much happier on the ground . The people walking along the paths looked like ants marching about their merry way , and the cars looked like toys whizzing along a race track . Buildings look like they had been made of Lego and the fields looked like a babies blanket . I felt like a bird looking down with this birds eye view of the world . Yep , I know , being the oldest is absolutely rubbish . I 'm 13 , Betsy is 8 , and Dexter is 6 . Mum is at work , and so is Dad . I also have my cousin upstairs who is 18 . She is looking after us whilst Mum and Dad are at work . She is Olivia . She is nice , but she is not sorting out the arguments that Dexter and Betsy are starting . I leave them squabbling and I go upstairs to see what Olivia is doing . We arrive at London . It isn 't very busy when we get to The Big Wheel ! We give the man our tickets we bought earlier and jump into a carriage with no one else inside , and the wheel starts to move . I look down and can see the carriage below . we see all sorts of buildings like the Gerkin and the shard , Dexter enjoys it too which is good . 25th November 2014 at 5 : 36 pm Reply A dad was waking up , because he need to go to his job . His job was a archaeologist ( if you don 't know what an archaeologist is I 'll tell you a archaeologist is a person who dig up fossils ) . After every job he would come back covered in mud , his job is 8 hours long , the time he gets back is 8 : 40 pm . In his work he found a dinosaur fossil a medieval coin a time capsule a Viking ship and some more coins . He loved the job , because he loved the way that the fossils are interesting and cool . When he got home his wife and kids were preparing a surprise , when he got home he got told the surprise the surprise was they were going to a museum . When they got there he looked up and saw how high it was , when he entered the museum he was amazed what they have found , when he got higher his children got scared , he just told them not to look down , they took the advice and they did fine . When they reached the top they saw a clear window and saw a amazing view . When he got home he was astonished at what they had there . He would never forget this day . Jenny slipped , her body skidded violently across the floor and she knocked the barriers of the tower , her feet were hanging off the edge ! Everyone seemed to notice this , backs turned by the million . Jenny spied an anxious mother crying rivers of salty water every moment . The mother also turned her back to face Jenny . Jenny recognized her immediately . Her mum grabbed Jenny 's arms and pulled . The security ran towards Jenny and started pulling as well . Jenny clambered onto the side of the top or the Eiffel Tower . Jenny lay there , her head on her mother 's lap . I thought was a museum where you see amazing picture but I was fully deceived . The next thing I knew I was on a top floor glass hotel . I was terror stricken . I was I felt so broken down that I vomited causing the glass to crack ; we ran and warned everyone . My friend and I ran away taking our luggage so we couldn 't get in trouble . Then when we got back to school my friend told every single student and teacher and in my neighbourhood and I got completely abashed . I pick up my rucksack full of precious money and ran from the bank the cops were right on my tail ! I gripped my bag of precious money harder and ran into a building ! I leaped into an elevator and pressed the top button . I was trapped they 're was no were to go except the window . It was prison or death I couldn 't go back to prison I just couldn 't plus what would people think of me being in prison again ! I would have no family they could barely look at me the last time I returned from Prison they would be ashamed . All I could think about is Rick why did he leave me behind I thought we were friend obviously not ! I decided to jump ! Whoosh ! Then I hear the sound of a gun shot I look up and see Rick tumbling down after my at least I know he didn 't abandon me splat ! I was gone but I could rest in peace ! 3rd July 2015 at 8 : 56 pm Reply Finally , the summer holidays were here ! Lottie , Lexi and I were going on our summer vacation to NYC for three whole weeks . Mum explained to us when we came out of our posh , modern house , " Girls , as you know , we are staying in NYC until the holidays are over so I expect best behavior from all of you . Understand ? " We nodded our heads . 10 minutes later , we were on the plane and listening to our fave music while soaring through the cool , cloudy sky . " We are here girls , come on , " Mum told us while delving in her bag . We all did what we were told and hurried out of the plane . First , we went to see a skyscraper . It was enormous ! When we arrived at the 100th floor , there was a massive hole in the ground . I quickly informed Lottie and Lexi but they just laughed . " It 's just glass floor , Lauren , nobody can fall through it ! " Lottie exclaimed . I still wasn 't sure whether to step in or not , but mum was waiting for me . I swiftly jumped inside , but that was a bad move . A split second later , I was falling through the cold , breezy air of NYC . And if that wasn 't enough , my sisters and mum had disappeared , and in their place stood a tall black figure . He didn 't look up . He didn 't smile . Then , he reached out and grabbed my hand . I screamed . 24th November 2015 at 2 : 27 pm Reply Wistfully , I gaped at the towering , scary skyscraper , which belittle everyone . In particular , I gazed at a glassy transparent floor , which was like a wide flat marble . Curious families continuously stamped on it to see if it would break , especially immature juveniles , frantically jumping up and down , like excited frogs . 27th January 2016 at 9 : 09 pm Reply It was Tuesday 19th April when the dazzling , sparkling sun was gleaming powerfully down onto the quiet , calm town . There was hardly any happy people about obviously apart from unintelligent Jack and Thomas . Jack , who was jumping from a very hair raising high point of view , was very scared . Jack and Thomas are both silly , unintelligent men ! They are that foolish that Thomas dared Jack to jump of the famous Eiffel Tower . So Jack got himself all ready for the trip down the Eiffel Tower . Thomas I don 't think I can do it . Yes you can . exclaimed Thomas , who was waiting at the bottom for him to come down . About ten minutes after , Jack let go off the rusty red - blood handle bars at the top of the building . Jack slowly and carefully started to get used to it and then floated down even faster . Unfortunately , he fell when was about 20cm away from the ground . Luckily , he was ok but had a little bruise that was nothing . 6th August 2016 at 5 : 10 pm Reply " Deep breath , deep breath , " muttered James . James was about to leap off the Empire State Building . Media covered the ground like a blanket covering a bed , adding pressure to the situation . To James , they were ants , waiting for him to jump . James stood up and slowly walked to the edge . He took a leap of faith and plummeted to the floor like a rock . However , his parachute wasn 't ejecting . 3 months after the promotion of Sabina Rider to be a field agent , Barclays was robbed and 7 PURE DIAMONDS were stolen . The agency set the newly promoted Sabina on the case . She was given three defence gadgets : a Napalm hand organiser ( flamethrower ) , a bracelet which shot 21 stunning darts and a resolza knife hidden in a handle which was sharper than a razor . The criminal 's name was Crawley Smith , a retired M . I . 6 field agent who wanted more payment from the Head of the Official Secret Acts . Sabina knew where he lived and went to infiltrate his house . She found out that Crawley had hidden the diamonds in a wooden crate made of the thickest and hardest teak known to man and even that was guarded by men with machine - guns and revolvers . There was also pitbull terrier trained to kill anyone who came near the crate . Sabina reported this back to M . I . 6 and they asked her if she could track down the diamonds . Sabina hesitated at first but she agreed . At twilight , Sabina went to the place where the crate was and used her gadgets to take down the diamonds ' defences . She threw her resolza at the pitbull and sent it howling into the night . Then she darted forward and retrieved her knife . Using her bracelet , Sabina stunned all 21 guards and ran forwards to the crate . and used her Napalm hand organiser to burn through the teak . Sticking her hand into the hole she had made in the crate , she felt the sharp edges of the diamonds and took them out . Her mission was completed ! Just as she was making her way to the headquarters of the M . I . 6 building , she fell through a hole that jutted out on the edge of the building ! She tried t grab the edges but her hands were slick with sweat . Sabina Rider was going to die … I was in a really tall hotel in America when my dad decided he would do a stunt here . I asked what stunt he was going to do . The reply was " I am going to jump from our window " ( which was on the top floor ) down on to the street . My mum my two twin brothers and my other six older brothers and I were all petrified ! I was frozen with fear that my dad might die . When he stood up none of us could speak , so my dad just opened the window stood on the ledge and jumped ! He was going upside down but then quickly he changed to the right way up . He dropped like a stone . We all ran to the window but dad was still falling ! Then there was a CRASH ! My dad was still alive somehow but we didn 't care we were over mum who was lying down on the floor . She had fainted . We were going to Legoland . We were going to go swimming as well . But when we went on a bouncy castle I noticed that I was scared of heights . When we went swimming , I had so much fun . After swimming , we went back to our hotel on the top floor [ I never looked out of the windows because I was scared of heights ] . We then went to bed and BANG ! KA - BOOM ! ! ! ………… CRACK ! I quickly shot up and looked down . EEK ! There was glass . PLAIN GLASS ! And about 50 metres straight drop to a sea of lava ! Fear hit me like a bullet . It crawled up my body , grasping me firmly . THUD ! " Jack ! " a woman 's voice . " Jack ! " a man 's voice . I woke up and breathed a sigh of relief . Police following him . Are you feeling tense ? well you don 't know the end of it and what this man did was as dumb as pandas idea . He went to the most highest skyscraper …… . . pin - drop silence ……… nobody has ever ever known what has happened to this man or to this monstrous town . 21st February 2017 at 6 : 51 pm Reply One day , I woke up in my flat in the middle of the noisy city of New York . It was a normal day , me having normal breakfast at my normal breakfast table , playing normal Xbox One games on the normal living room couch , having a normal shower at my normal shower room . But the day was not normal , because something was terribly wrong ……………………………………………………………………………… but I didn 't notice it . It was Sunday so I didn 't go to school and I just lazed around all day . Then when having a cool game of cards with my sister , I was about to put a card down when I was in the middle of PARIS ! What just happened ! Then I was in Buckingham Palace in front of the queen [ who happened to be playing table tennis at the time ] ! Then I was on top of a pole in New York ! I fainted . THUD ! I landed on the ground and had to be admitted to hospital due to severe head injury plus a broken leg . 12 years later …………………… In crutches and limping to a comfy chair in New York , not even able to go near remembering the accident that made my life change forever . 24th February 2017 at 9 : 15 pm Reply In a town , where there is red rovers and candy clouds , there was a terrifying incident , which made over 2000 frightened people sadly change small towns quickly and yes this very story is about that one shocking event which quickly changed many lives and destroyed one . One normal ( although they thought it was normal ) day in boiling Texas in 2009 there were many nerve wrecking votes taking place currently and most fortunate people did get the same result as they wished and voted for . Except one peculiar man who did not fully agree with these pathetic votes and shocking thing is that nobody knew his mysterious , hidden name . So , let 's gets on to the main intense part of this unbelievable story which is as dangerous as a shark . One dull gloomy day the confusing man was , casually , walking on the solid pavement with this , extremely heavy looking briefcase . As he now , dramatically stepped ' bop bop ' he got out a very big hammer and knocked the shattered window into pieces and ran away . Serious police followed the criminal across the streets of Texas . Are you feeling tense ? Well you don 't know the dramatic end of it and what this weird confusing man did was as dump as a living panda 's idea . He went quickly to the most highest skyscraper …… pin drop silence …… nobody has ever sadly known what has happened to this gloomy man or monstrous town . Thump , thump , thud … my heart was beating uncontrollably . Every nerve in my body warned me not to go any further . Yet , there seemed no way out , I had now had more that my fair share of misery . I was going to do it … I was going to jump . Then a sudden flash came upon me , I remembered all my joyful childhood memories . At that moment I realised that I could recreate those happy feelings and regain my joyful smile .
|
I am having such a wonderful time in TX with my sister and her family . I really enjoy spending time with her . It 's so sad that we live so far away from each other . But , I 'm grateful for the time that we do have . For as long as I can remember , I 've always wanted to be like her when I " grew up " . She has set such a good example to me in so many ways . She is an amazing mother and wife . She is everything a person would want in a sister . She is loving , kind , thoughtful , caring , understanding , insightful , patient , Christ - like , and so many other things , that it would be almost impossible for me to list them all . We are 10 years apart , and growing up , I never thought we would be close . I never thought she would want to do anything with her annoying little sister . But , I was wrong . She is such a support to me . She is one of my " best friends " . When I 'm home in UT and she is in TX , we talk to each other several times a day . DH has often asked what we talk about . Sometimes it 's nothing really , but the joy is in the fact that we could talk to each other about anything and be content . I usually know when her kids doctor appointments are , when E breaks something , when S has dance try - outs , all the stuff about her life , and she knows the same about mine . One of the great things about having her as a sister , is that she cares and wants to hear and know about what is going on , even if it is only a bad hair day . I hope she knows how much I love her , and how much she means to me . Thanks for everything L ! ! We went to Papa Deaux for dinner one night . It was sooo yummy ! ! We ordered these delicious desserts . They were almost too pretty to eat . But , it 's dessert , and I can never just let that sit there and look pretty . I got a strawberry cheesecake , and L got creme brulee ( so did R , but he didn 't really care about having his picture taken with a dessert ) . They were both very delicious ! ! We had a fun time going out to eat , just the three of us , with no little bodies running around . There were only 2 bad things about the night . One , DH was noPosted by My sweet little M woke me up in the middle of the night and said , " Mom , can you come with me something is wrong ? " . I jumped up right away to see what I could do to help . She said ( while she was crying hysterically ) that her ear was hurting and making a very weird sound . She pulled my ear close to hers so that I could hear the sound . It sounded kind of like a bubbling sound ; like the sound you hear when you put peroxide in your ear to clean it out . I thought maybe her ear is hurting from all the swimming we 've been doing , and maybe she has swimmers ear . I told her I was going to put some alcohol in her ear , to help drain the water or relieve the pressure . Then she started crying again saying that it was happening again . It was kind of an off and on thing . So , I got the alcohol and dropped some in her ear . One of the most disgusting things happened next . Out came an ear wig . It was soooooooo gross . I grabbed it off her neck and washed it down the sink . It was so disgusting , I could hardly stand it . And poor M just stood there crying . I felt so bad for her . Not only did she have that thing crawling around her ear , making weird noises , and hurting , she also had a mom who was grossing out . I probably scared her so bad . I gave her a huge hug and kiss and told her I was sorry that happened to her . She asked if she could sleep with me because she was too nervous to go back to bed by herself . How can you say " No " to a question like that . So , she came into bed with me and it took her a while to fall asleep . When she was finally asleep , I thought okay now I can sleep . But , I couldn 't . I was so worried about getting an ear wig in my ear , or that someone else in the house would . I said a little prayer asking for protection from ear wigs , and then finally fell asleep . My poor little girl . I felt just awful for her . She woke up and had to tell everyone what happened . I look at her picture and think to myself what an amazing girl she is . She has such a sweet spirit about her . She is always writing notes to other people or drawingPosted by We wanted to make sure the kids still did a little bit of work among all the fun they would be having . So , we made a chore chart . They were all actually excited about it . One of the jobs for S was to clean the mirrors in the bathroom . He loved this . He climbed right into the sink , stood up , and sprayed the mirror about 15 times , then wiped it up and moved on to the next mirror ! There haven 't been very many men in my life , but the ones that have been are very dear to me . The first man in my life was my dad or pops as I sometimes call him . My dad is a wonderful man . He has such a sweet , gentle heart . Growing up he used to call me his little lass . I have so many fond memories of my father . I remember going on walks with him . Sometimes he would let me go to his night classes ( he taught Spanish at our Jr . College ) and just sit there with him . We cleaned together , cooked together , learned & laughed together , played together and much more . My dad has always been very patient . He has taught me many lessons about life , and taught me how to make it in the world . I am so thankful to have such a wonderful dad . The second man in my life is my wonderful husband . I have been so blessed to have him in my life . We only dated for 3 weeks before we got engaged , and many people told me I had no idea what I was doing . Well , almost 10 years later , we are as happy as can be . He is my best friend , and I know I can turn to him for anything . He is an amazing father . The kids all adore him . He is always willing to play with them or help them whenever they need something . We have such a great time together . He honors his priesthood , and uses it to govern home , and for that I am forever grateful . I 'm so thankful that I found someone who I could go to the temple with and be sealed to for eternity . I don 't know how I ever got so lucky to have found someone like him . He is my everything , and I thank Heavenly Father daily for giving him to me ! ! The other ones in my life , aren 't men yet , but I hope that they will grow up to be good , strong , honorable men . I have been blessed with two wonderful sons . The joy they bring into our family is hard to put into words . I love watching them as they grow and learn new things . T just got baptized , and is in Scouts and really tries his best to do what is right . S is following right behind in his brother 's footsteps . Although he is only 5 , he wants so bad to do the things that big brotPosted by We just came in from swimming , and were feeding J and G . G decided she was done , so my sister moved the tray so she could get her out of her high chair . G had left a very unpleasant smelling present that was seeping out of her diaper . I guarded G while L went into the bathroom to start a bath . She got her out and carried her into the bathroom , with me following right behind . When I walked back into the kitchen , Millie ( the dog ) was so kindly eating up all the poop . SICK ! ! ! I screamed at her to stop and go outside . How disgusting is that ? Dogs are gross . so , out went Millie . Then , I thought how Millie would probably go and lick one of our kids now . The thought almost made me throw up . DH thinks getting a dog is such a great idea . I personally have never ever wanted one . This is just another reason I think we should never get one ! ! Some of my other reasons include : hair everywhere , poop clean - up , accident clean - up , wet dog running through the house , licking , jumping , etc . I guess I really don 't want one . I don 't hate dogs , I just don 't want one in my house , especially after today ! " Mommy , I 'm hungry ! " , is what I hear the second J walks out of her bedroom in the morning . And then I hear that phrase maybe 20 or 30 times every day . She loves to eat . She eats and eats and eats . And , luckily for her she is a little toothpick . I think she only weighs 32 pounds , and she will be 4 in a couple of months . So , all her eating is not damaging her delicate little figure ( not that we need to worry about that at such a young age ) . I am amzed at how much food she can eat . If anyone is eating anything , she is suddently hungry and needs to eat , AGAIN ! What a little piggy ! J . H . gave a very nice FHE about cousins and how they can become such good friends . This was a perfect lesson for us , as we are going to be together for a total of 5 weeks ( 3 in TX and 2 in UT ) . This was a long awaited visit , and the kids are all so excited to be together . I hope that this vacation will lead to some long - lasting friendships between them , and that it will be something they remember forever . The kids all listened and participated so nicely . I mark the night down as one of the more successful FHE 's that we 've had . I am so grateful to have such a wonderful family . We have been blessed in so many ways . My sister has lived in Texas for almost 8 years , and this is the first time the kids have been able to go . I came once before when she had her last baby . DH has not been here yet . I hope next time we come , he will be able to come with us . Even though we don 't get to spend as much time together as we would like , whenever we are together it feels like no time has passed at all . And that is just one of the reasons I love my family so much ! ! These 5 weeks are going to be so wonderful together ! ! I can 't believe that 2 1 / 2 have already passed . It 's amazing how fast time flies , when you are having fun ! We went to Barnes & Noble so I could buy the kids workbooks for our " summer school " . There is a giant statue of a cowboy on a horse that the kids were very fascinated with . They had fun looking at all the books . We got the workbooks and a few other books for some of the kids . In the " kid " section they have some little benches and a stage for a story time , I 'm assuming . They all thought it was a stage for them to perform on . They all took off their shoes and started running around everywhere . We had to remind them that we were in a store , not a zoo . Afterwards we took them to McDonald 's for ice cream . They all loved the ice cream , but were all very tired and cold ( how you can get cold in Texas in the summer , I don 't know ) , but they said they were cold . So , we took them home , and they all went to sleep very nicely . We went out to lunch for one of my sister 's friends birthdays . S and J stayed home to babysit . When we walked in the door , we saw a hilarius sight . S was surrounded by 4 little girls doing her hair . They had all the combs , hairpins , & ribbons scattered all over the living room . They were having so much fun making S beautiful . Aren 't they great hair stylists ? She was such a good sport about the whole thing . She just sat there and let them play until they were all done . M and H both have pink robes that they love ! ! We had to bring ours all the way from Utah , just so M could have it on hand . She wears it all the time ; when she 's cold , for dress up , when she gets out of the shower , when she wakes up , and any other time she can think up a good reason for wearing it . We didn 't even know that H had one so similar . When the girls saw that they had matching robes they were so excited . They love to wear them at the same time . Now they are little robe twins . After several days of swimming , M and T started complaining about the bottoms of their feet hurting . They had little raw spots on their toes from the bottom of the pool that were starting to bleed . Their cousins all had water shoes and my kids decided that that would cure the problem . So , off we went to Wal - Mart to get some . Naturally once we were there and getting shoes , S and J suddenly grew sores on their feet and needed water shoes as well . Thank goodness for Wal - Mart & the inexpensive ( oh , so necessary ) water shoes . So , now we have 7 little angels with water shoes , to protect their precious little feet . After a long , hard day of playing , movies , & swimming , the kids settled down for a nice , somewhat quiet evening . The boys went upstairs to watch the second half of King Kong ( we had to split the movie into two days because it is soooooo long ) . L and I decided to skip the second half , and let the boys enjoy it on their own . Meanwhile the girls stayed downstairs to color barbie placemats . Afterwards both sets of kids were finished up with their activities , and we all sat down for some yummy chocolate cake ! ! Monday night , Uncle R asked who wanted to go see a helicopter . All 3 boys wanted to go of course . They each got to take turns sitting in the drivers seat and everything . I 'm pretty sure they all had a wonderful time . The boys have been getting along so nicely , and I 'm really glad about that . They have fun playing Star Wars , fighting , watching King Kong ( pronounced Ting Tong ) , swimming , and running around doing all the other fun things boys like to do . I was a little worried about T not having as much fun since he is quite a bit older than the other boys , but my worries were in vain . He is having a blast , and getting along so well with E . We love our cousins . Well , it didn 't take S long to warm up to the pool . By Monday afternoon he was getting in by himself , with a life jacket on of course , and by evening he was getting thrown into the water by Uncle R . I 'm glad he 's conquering his fear of pools as quickly as he is . L has a chocolate fountain that M asked if we could use as our FHE treat . We got strawberries , apples , and bananas to dip in the yummy chocolate . It was a big success . The kids were so excited , we had to tell them to stop acting like little animals , and to eat like good little kids . They just couldn 't resist that chocolate , but who really could ? Not me . I love any type of sweet , especially chocolate ! ! YUMMY ! ! When bedtime finally arrived , they were all exhausted . It didn 't take long for them to all crazh , maybe 10 minutes . This was a big improvement from the night before when it took about 2 hours for everyone to finally settle down in bed . L and I did Yoga Booty Ballet last night , and Big S joined in for a little while . It was pretty fun , and I could feel it working . With all the delicious food we have on our menu , the question of whether or not it will actually work is still up in the air . But , it 's the thought that counts . Right ? We really are having so much fun here in Texas . It is so nice to be with family . I really wish the cousins could grow up together , they get along so well . But , life doesn 't always bring us what we want . I can 't complain though . Life has been good to me . I have healthy children and a loving husband , and a wonderful extended family . In the long run , nothing else really matters , except for what you have with your family and with your Heavenly Father . Sunday , the day of rest ; the day of fun , quiet , happy family activities . Right ? Wrong , well at least half wrong . We went to church which was very nice . The sacrament meeting was very nice and so were all the classes . The kids went to class without a fit , which is a miracle for J . Luckily she had her little cousin Ethan there to help and protect her . When we were eating dinner Sat . , S had asked why their water tasted different . Uncle Rob told him it was because their water came from a well . S then asked , " What 's a well ? " To make things simple he was told that we would go on a walk after church to go see the where the water comes from . Here comes the part where the questionable day of rest comes into play . Everyone was so excited to take this walk to see the well . We all started off in great spirits . Excerpt from my sister 's blog ( toomanytocount ; a perfect description ) : Yesterday we chose to go on a walk to see the water towers in our neighborhood . It 's just a round the block , but it 's a TX size block ( almost a mile ) . We started out with a couple kids in the wagon , two riding scotters , one on a bike and one on a big wheel . Luckily Grace was napping and stayed home with the big girls , who knew better than to start out with us on such an ill - fated trip . By the time we had gone 5 - 6 house down the road the kids were swapping spots and complaining about the heat . By the time we had made it to the end of the road many were crying and Tanner was riding ahead a few houses , dropping the bike and flopping on the lawn of who ever 's house we were in front of . By the time we made the half way mark , the spot designated to stop and have a juice box to fortify them for the trek down the other side and home everyone was tired and hot and sweaty and complaining . H and M ( both turning 7 this summer ) chose to walk in dance recital outfits . M 's vinyl pants were becoming a pool of sweat and she was crying because that feeling made her feel like she needed to whispered discreetly : poop . We stopped by the tower and passed out lemonade . PronouPosted by Our long awaited drive to Texas is over , and now we are here ! ! ! I 'm so excited to be here and to visit with my sister and her family , and with my mom . Texas is a very long drive from Utah . We left at 8 : 30 a . m . Friday morning and drove until about 1 : 00 a . m . ( very early Sat . ) . We stayed in Amarillo . Then Saturday , we drove the remaining 6 hours to Ft . Worth . One hour into our drive we were already making our first " potty " stop . Then , only a couple hours later , M threw up . Luckily we had a plastic bag and she made it all in there . I was so relieved for that . Of course I wanted to pull over and clean up . Thinking that I was just pulling over into one of those little spots off the side of the road ( not a rest stop , just the side of the road ) I realized that we were actually at a little air landing strip . There was a bathroom , a couch , drinking fountain , and most importantly a garbage can so that we could throw away our little vomit bag . Then , we were on the road again , and we had no more throwing up ! ! The kids actually traveled very well . The first day was pretty easy . The second day however , was not quite as easy . For one thing , they were tired because I got them up early so that we could be on the road asap . For another , who really wants to be stuck in the car for two straight days ? Luckily we have our handy little travel DVD . Which is a complete life saver . My sister gave me a great idea for traveling . I prepared little bags with different things written on them , like : when we are in the canyon , after lunch , when we 've been in the car for 8 hours , etc . In each bag there was a surprise . They got some movies , snacks , dollar store toys etc . This kept them entertained and it was something new . At Wal - Mart , they have these cartoons on DVD that are only a buck . Who can really beat that , and our dollar Huck & Fin DVD was the favorite bag . So , all in all , our trip went pretty well . The kids were so excited to see their cousins . They jumped out of the car and started playing instantly , and everyone got along very well . My siPosted by Here 's T with his missing teeth . He lost those four within about a 2 month period . He is also missing 4 other teeth in the back of his mouth . So , that makes 8 missing teeth . How does the boy eat ? We have no idea . But , he does . In fact , he eats everything from steak to ice cream . DH and I laugh all the time , because it just seems like he keeps losing teeth . Hopefully some of them will grow in before any more come out . S wanted to grow his hair out , so that it was long enough for Auntie Ange to cut . Whenever we wanted her to do it , it was never a good time for her , so his hair kept growing longer and longer . Finally , we found a time that was good for both of us . He was so excited to have a hair cut from his aunt . It took her almost an hour to do it , because she is still learning . He was such a good sport about it and sat still the entire time . Now we have our little handsome S back ! M has been asking to get highlights in her hair for a very long time . Finally , Auntie Ange decided she had the time to come over and do it . M kept asking why all that stuff was in her face . We had to tell her that famous line of " beauty is pain " . She really did a good job of sitting there . She just got some really blonde highlights put in , so nothing too drastic , since she is only 6 years old . Whenever S finds out that Papa is coming to visit , he immediately wants to play dinosaurs with him . Papa is such a good sport about it , and is always willing to play . They each pick out their army of dinosaurs , then line them up to prepare for battle . S of course always gets all the big , strong dinosaurs , while Papa gets the small weak ones . Then they battle . Can you guess who wins ? Yep , it 's S ! ! But , occasionally he lets Papa win a battle or two . Papa and Grandma Arhets are here visiting from TX . Papa and I were making Indian Fry Bread , and of course my little chef had to come and help . She wanted to help with the flour , the messiest job of all . So , Papa being the kind , sweet man that he is let her . As they were cooking together she said , " You are the cook boy and I 'm the flour girl ! " It is so fun to have them here . Papa really was nice to let Jojo help , and she had a great time working right by his side . Maybe she 'll grow up to be a culinary expert ! ! It really doesn 't matter what I 'm cooking , she loves to help . She 's made mac - n - cheese , top ramen , scrambled eggs , cookies , cake ; she 's helped cut carrots , peppers , cheese , meat ; she knows how to crack eggs , without getting the egg shells in too ! ! You name it , if it has to do with cooking , she 's there and she loves it ! The kids and I did a surprise Early Father 's Day for DH , since we were going to be in Texas for Father 's Day . We got everything ready while he was at his church meeting Sunday morning . We wrapped his presents ( a CTR ring & The DaVinci Code ) , and set them out in the living room . They each colored a card for him and taped it to the wall . Then , we each listed why we love daddy . Some of the things included were : Because he takes me to the candy shop . Because he lets us buy stuff at Wal - Mart . Because he loves me . Because he plays with me . Then , we were supposed to hide from him so we could jump out and scare him when he got home . Unfortunately he got home a little bit earlier than we had thought he would , and we weren 't quite finished . But , he pretended he didn 't see anything so we could finish our preparations . They were so excited to do this for him , and I think he enjoyed it as well . P . S . This was written a while ago , but for various reasons I haven 't been able to post it until today . When we went to California , we stayed at Grandpa Davies house . There are no little kids there , so the kids have to find other things to entertain themselves with . S came out one night with this on . It is a volunteer sheriff 's uniform . He thought he looked so cool . He 's even got on a real badge and he had real handcuffs to play with . This of course , is very exciting for a 4 yr . old ( now 5 ) . He had a blast pretending to arrest his dad . He just laughed and laughed and thought he was the funniest person ever . Like I 've said before , the kid absolutely loves to dress up ( in almost anything ) . He has a wonderful imagination and I enjoy watching him play and making up all sorts of new games . He is so much fun to have and where he is , excitement is sure to follow . Aunt Andrea lives in Provo , just 10 minutes away from us . We love it . She is so much fun to live by . The kids all absolutely adore her . We don 't get to see her quite as often as we like because she is so busy with school , work , and of course friends . But , when we do see her we have a great time . The kids all run to the door and start screaming the second they see her pull up . She is a great aunt . We love her ! Introducing Spencer as Buzz . Another one of the days we couldn 't go out of the house with S in everyday clothes ( well everyday for us , I guess this is everyday for him ) . We went to the park to feed the ducks and Buzz came along . He was a hit . All the other kids kept asking him if he could fly or if he had a rocket . He of course played right along with it . How can we not just love this kid ? This was from my son 's baptism , which was almost 2 months ago . I was just watching him the other day and thinking how fast kids grow . I can 't believe I have a son whose been baptized , and I know in no time at all the other 3 will be right there too . Oh , how time flies . Anyways , his baptism was wonderful . I of course cried . I can 't help it , I 'm a big cry baby . He was so excited to be baptized and to get the Holy Ghost . What a wonderful experience that was for our entire family . M conducted the music . She was so sweet . We let T pick out what he wanted each person to do . Papa gave the baptism talk , and Grandma D . gave the talk on the Holy Ghost . Grandma A . played the piano . Everyone did a wonderful job . The other kids are now so anxious for their baptisms . They keep asking when it 's their turn . T has grown up so fast . He is such a good boy . He has his moments , but what 8 year old active , growing , healthy , adventurous boy doesn 't ? Afterwards , we went out to dinner , and he chose Chinese food . If you ask any of my kids where they want to eat , the answer is always Chinese . Their favorite is Orange Chicken . So , everyone was happy with the decision to go there . We had a lot of family and friends come to support T in his decision to be baptized . It was a wonderful day for all of us ! I 'm so grateful for the gospel that we have in our lives . I don 't know where we would be without . It has blessed our family in more ways than I can name . As my sisters blog says , there are " Too Many To Count " . I am a SAHM to 2 beautiful girls and 2 handsome boys , wife of an amazing man , daughter , sister , aunt , and friend . I love scrapbooking , dancing , reading , and trying new things . I feel so blessed to have the life I have .
|
I know that , for a lot of people , New Year 's Eve is about a great big party . This was the case for me for years and years . But a few years ago I started getting into New Year 's Resolutions . Not so that I could resolve to loose the same five pounds every year . But to use the opportunity to do things I 've been putting off doing , to become more the person that I would like to be . I now work out on a regular ( kind of ) basis . I bring canvas shopping bags with me when I buy groceries almost every time . I have become SO much better about limiting TV time . I haven 't made Hamburger Helper in YEARS . My house is rarely a disaster area , I am still slowly replacing regular bulbs with those twirly low energy ones ( even though they are horrible to dispose of ) , and I am continually going through my things and making ples of things to give to goodwill . . . even if they sometimes take a long while to get there . I try not to make too many resolutions , because then they become too hard to keep . And the goal is to set them , keep them , and keep on keeping them , right ? And there are some that are personal , and that I would rather not share with you . But here are the ones I am comfortable broadcasting to the universe : FIX UP MY HOUSE - My house isn 't exactly falling apart , but there are quite a few rooms that could use attention . There are holes in walls I have simply moved furniture in front of , or hung pictures over . Some rooms are still wearing the paint they had on when we bought the place - not horrible , but I hate a lot of it , especially when I can see where the previous homeowners hung their pictures on the walls . I have already developed a schedule of what rooms I will be painting and doing over this year , and when . I 've already purchased a bunch of new paint , rollers , and even some tinted primer . And I am also proud of knowing about tinted primer , and when to use it . QUILT MORE - This is rather obvious , don 't you think ? It 's just that I have so many ideas , and want to do so much , but rarely do I actually get anything done . I need toPosted by I usually try and avoid posting about my husband or family members or either of my friends . The idea is that I usually post in good spirits , but something I feel is funny or harmless , such as " We saw Anne - E today . She has hair . Then we got stuck in traffic and it was such a pain " will come back to haunt me . Anne - E will reply or call me . " What do you mean it was a pain ? Don 't you like coming to see me ? The traffic wasn 't THAT bad . And what do you mean I have hair ? What 's wrong with my hair ? " So I usually just skip it , unless it 's my Mom , because she HAS to love me . So it 's understandable if I don 't usually post about arguments that Steve and I have . But today I am making an exception . Joke gifts can be funny . Sometimes , in fact , they can be VERY funny . But more often than not it leaves the person on the receiving end with something they did not want , do not need , and probably has no use for . For example , during the Yankee Swap we did this year I got the booby gift , and ended up with a giant burlap tarp , a beer holder , and something resembling a giant cheesecloth for wrapping around deer once they have been killed . The gift was funny ! But I have no idea what to do with the . . . um . . . deercloth . Regardless , when a person gets a gift from a Yankee Swap , I feel that person should take the gift home with them . One of the gifts opened this year was a bag of coal , funny , but not useful . Not for us , anyway , living in this particular century and with oil heat . And we didn 't even open it , someone else did ! Yet here it is , on my kitchen counter . " Do you mind if I throw this out ? " I asked Steve this morning . Steve looked at me . " Why would you do that ? " he asked . " Well . . . were you going to use it for something ? " " Is it BOTHERING you ? " he asked . And of course I want to say " NO , " because the way he asked the question made it sound that to say " YES , YES the bag of coal is bothering me ! " is to be INSANE . And to tell the truth , the bag isn 't bothering me . Yet . But I hate to leave things just sitting there . And Steve can just let things sit Posted by To avoid getting up too early , Steve and I decided that we 'd all go downstairs together at around 7am . Of course , the kids are too young to really grasp this concept , and as soon as I heard them talking Christmas morning I ran in to distract them with books . But I could only do so much . I was three pages into the first one when Nate tapped me on the shoulder . " I 'm just gonna go get my present ! I 'll be right back ! " And he shot into the hallway . He was halfway down the stairs when I caught up to him , screaming with the injustice of it all . There were a lot of gifts , more than there should have been , ahem ahem , not that we 're not all grateful to Santa . But there were a great number of gifts for three small boys to unwrap . It 's a lot of work . And panic set in - MY panic - a couple of times , when I thought the process would stretch out until late afternoon . The gift opening began with the stockings , which held battery powered toothbrushes for Nick and Nate . And every five minutes from that point on , Nick asked if it was time to brush his teeth . Each time I presented Nate with a wrapped gift he asked if it was his Wall - E toy , and eventually stopped opening them altogether in favor of riding around on Andy 's ride around Rocket . Andy did not unwrap any gifts at all , and had to be bribed to stay in the room with french toast toaster sticks . Nicholas was willing to unwrap anything , thank goodness , or we 'd still be there . I know I haven 't posted properly for a while . I know I haven 't posted any photos . Sorry . Things have been crazy here for the past few weeks , what with the power outage and then jumping headlong into Christmas . I haven 't hopped on the treadmill in weeks , and I think it 's really affecting my mood . Today I lumped around the house , trying not to eat leftover brownies and cookies , unable to focus on any one thing or project . Not sleepy , but not really feeling like DOING anything . . . But Monday everything will change . The boys will go to school . I 'll get a chance to work out and also to put away some of the toys they got . And I 'll stop feeling this nudgy , I 'm not doing a good job feeling . So just stay with me . Boxing Day ? It should be called " Recuperation Day . " I had a Happy Christmas , as we all did over here . However , it takes a lot out of you , and my brain isn 't up to speed yet . So here are some random observtions : Next year I am not wrapping any of the kids gifts . Why ? Extra work . Not the wrapping . I love the wrapping , actually . But once the gift is opened the paper goes on the floor . Then the boxed gift is handed to Mom or Dad who then has to rip it out of super enforced cardboard and undo the kabillion wires that hold the toy to the box . I swear they must spend more on the packaging and the " theft protection " than they do on the actual TOY . By the time to toy is removed from the box , the wires and the box bits need to be collected and thrown out with the wrapping paper , but the child has moved on to some other gift . Next year , instead of wrapping , I shall simply remove the toys from boxes and scatter tham around the Living Room . We now own every Wall - E toy in existance . There really is such a thing as too many gifts for Christmas . Especially for small children . I don 't know how long it 's going to take me to clean my house . This is a rebuttal post . Kind of . Yesterday , Larissa wrote this post on her blog , about how Seattle came to a stop after a whole three inches of snow . Hey , Seattle folk . That ain 't snow . I 'd post better pictures , but I haven 't ventured out of my warm , dry home . Note the swingset in the last photo , and how high the snow is on the swing and the see saw . Nicholas had a touch of a stomach bug or food poisoning or something . I feel bad , mostly because he was whimpering and complaining for awhile before we realized he was sick . With Nick it 's sometimes difficult to tell . This morning I took the boys outside to play in the snow . It took forever to get them into their snowsuits . Nick complained and was slow . Nathan ran around and wouldn 't listen , putting everything on in the wrong order ( boots first , pants second , etc . ) . But Andy was by far the most difficult to get ready . First of all , he has no ability to put on his own clothing . Secondly , even if he did , he has no interest in going outside . Thirdly , even if the outdoors appealed to him , he has no idea why he 's need the coat . Finally , as soon as I get anything on him , he makes it his primary goal to get it off . Once we did get outside , Andrew was perplexed . He walked around a bit , and then ended up crawling , which wasn 't ideal since the snow was deep and he had it right in his face . Nick and Nate decided to go sledding , and they each went down the hill twice . I went down once with Andy , with him on my lap . He didn 't cry , but he refused to crack a smile . Nicholas ended up crying because his hands were cold and running inside . Nathan cried because I made him go in . And Andy walked inside of his own free will , but oddly began crying as soon as I took off his coat . One night during the power outage , Steve and I were both giving the boys a bath , as the darkness made things spooky . As usual , Steve and I kept up a stream of constant chatter , and as usual , I steered the conversation toward the holidays , and eventually , Christmas Eve and who will be there . " And Grammy , and Nancy ! " I said . " Fancy Nancy ! " Now , I didn 't mean anything by this . Nancy is Lillian 's sister , and Fancy Nancy is a little girl who has her own book series that is kind of funny . But the Real Nancy isn 't what I would call ' Fancy . ' She 's a super duper lady , but ' Fancy ' isn 't one of the words I would use to describe her . " Is Aunt Nancy fancy ? " asked Steve ? " Yes ! " said Nathan . " Is Grammy fancy ? " I asked . " Yes ! " he said again . " How about Gramma ? " " Yes , Gramma 's fancy . " " What about Mommy ? " Steve asked . " Yes , Mommy 's fancy , " he said . " Well . . . What about Daddy ? " I asked . " No ! Daddy 's not fancy . Daddy 's COOL ! " DADDY is cool . But after a few more questions , I noticed a trend . Mommy is NOT cool , nor is Grammy , Linda , Aunt Anne - E OR Aunt Emily . We are all Fancy . Uncle Winston is not Fancy , he is cool , as are Mark , Uncle Jamie , and Grampa . See ? This impressed me , as Nathan still says things like " Grammy is going to get a new room in HIS house , and we should call HIM . " So he notices gender differences , even if the reach doesn 't go as far as pronouns . This photo is from Andy 's Birthday . See how the big brothers are poised to gently remove the toy from the baby 's arms ? Now that we have electricity back , I 'm in a MUCH better mood . I only hope they get it back today for the rest of the thousands of people still in the dark . I love Christmas , and sometimes I can 't help but try and get the boys excited , too . SO the other evening I got down on the floor with Nate . " What are you going to get me from Christmas ? " I asked him . He didn 't hesitate . " A Wall - E Toy . " " But Nate , You 're the one that wants a Wall - E Toy . I don 't want a Wall - E toy . You should get me something that I would like , like a picture , or a hair clip . " Nate got really excited . " Yeah ! I am gonna get you a hair clip with Butterflies on it ! " I smiled and nodded . " I would love a hair clip with butterflies on it ! " But he went on . " Or I 'm gonna get you a hair clip with Mommies on it ! And you can put it in your hair ! " " Mommies on it ? " I asked . And with no less excitement he said . " And I can get a hair clip with Nathans on it ! " I laughed . " Nathans ? " " And I can put it in my hair ! " He placed his hand delicately on his head . " And then I can be like a Nathan ! " " What are you like now ? " I asked . He looked at me like I was crazy . " I 'm Nathan ! " He said . Oh , of course . So . . . I guess I 've been a little depressed . This power outage is really bringing me down . I realize some people may be sniggering about my earlier posts about disliking the city , thinking this is soe sort of either retribution , or what you get for living in the boonies . And I could accept that , if I did indeed live in the boonies . However , it took me half an hour to get the boys to school on Wednesday due to traffic . There is not traffic in the boonies . This is a suburb , and should be thought of as such . I guess I 'm a little bitter . I check the PSNH website and find out that 75 % of the state has restored power ! And all I can think is to ask why oh why we had to be in that remaining 25 % . Maybe I 'm more bitter when Steve comes home and informs me that our street has power until two intersections away . How did that happen ? What I 'm really afraid of is that we 'll draw the short straw and be one of the 5 % who doesn 't get power back by end of day Thursday . In which case I might seriously crawl into bed and ignore the world until I can once again shower and pee in a lighted environment . And I won 't feel ridiculous 30 times a day because I reflexively flipped a light switch that should work by now , gosh doarn it ! Anyway , my attention to the power outage is also taking away from reporting on all the cute things my kids are doing and saying . So I apologize . I know I 'm depressing and boring and what can any of YOU do about it , anyway . Enough . I shall crawl into my cocoon of darkness alone and send only happy thoughts out over the airwaves . Wither , wither , moan moan , alas , alak . . . and someone send me brownies . Today Andrew is officially one year old . It probably means nothing to him . We already celebrated the event on Sunday . Today is just like any other day . It 's cold . It 's dark . We have no power . Oh ! But it is Snowing ! Yesterday I found a timeline of when power would be expected back , town by town . They had us down for Thursday . Which will make a solid week of running of our precious generator . This is assuming , of course , that we fall into the 95 % they need to consider a town " power restored " and also assuming the snow doesn 't slow them down at all . Let 's all hold our breaths , shall we ? We 're going on day five of running on the generator . Sunday we had a little party to decorate the tree and to celebrate Andy 's birthday . We picked up a pizza and Lillian brought cupcakes . I was only a little sad I wasn 't able to make them myself . The stuff is still sitting in the cupboard . Yesterday I went to Lillian 's and did 4 loads of laundry - at least she did . I helped fold . It should hold us off for the next few days . I realize that we are lucky . Many people in our situation have no heat at all , no lights at all , no running water at all . They are wrestling with frozen pipes and trees that are in their driveway . They are in hotel rooms or sleeping on couches . We 're in our own home , with heat all day , with lights in one room , with computer access , even ! I 'm just a bit tired of trying to figure out how to cook dinner without an oven or a stove . Of leaving dishes in the sink because it 's too dark to tell when they 're clean . Of trying to shove everything I need to do into the daylight hours . But the Gymnastics place was open today , and I was SO HAPPY to be able to bring the boys somewhere to work off that extra energy . We 're still powerless . . . so to speak . Yesterday I simply could not take it anymore , and had to leave the house to do some holiday shopping . And it wasn 't until then that the full impact of the storm hit me . I expected the store to be out of gas cans and flashlights . I expected it to be crowded . What I didn 't expect were the trees . By now the roads are mostly clear . But there are gaps where trees used to be . Some front lawns on my street look as though the residents went wild with a chainsaw in their front yards . Raw tree branches stick out oddly where limbs were torn off in the wind of by the weight of the ice . ice slivers and spots of greenery spot the road every few yards , marking yet another location a branch fell and blocked the street . Our town has no traffic lights . Crew members can be spotted lifting felled poles and fixing wires . And every once and awhile you can see a huge branch or tree leaning on wires . Last night we had Chinese food from our favorite Asian place , which also happened to be without power . The dining room was closed , the employees in sweaters , and the generator powering the kitchen . The bar was busy . Anyway , driving there in the dark , along the winding roads sprinkled with ice and wood splinters , I got a little spooked . And then , from out of the darkness , lights . Blinking lights , traffic lights , store lights , neon lights . . . it was like landing at night in Vegas . Suddenly I was so distracted and excited I almost missed my turn . Maybe the lights will come on now ? Now ? no . Ok . . . . now ? Yesterday was absolutely beautiful . In the afternoon , the sun came out , and all the ice glistened . I went out to get the mail and realized it had actually stopped raining , and that the rain sounds I was hearing was coming from the stuff falling off tree branches . The floor below the trees looked covered in smashed glass from the ice that fell there . And then it got dark , and then it got cold . Today we still have no power . Yesterday evening I visited PSNH 's site , where they did due diligence in covering their backsides . This ice storm is SO BAD , it will take days to clean up the mess and restore power . Some say this storm is as bad as the one in 1998 , and back then many people were without power 7 to 10 days . Now , I don 't mean to complain . We 've got a generator . We 're warm . We 've got running water , a fridge full of food , and electricity . But it 's all in moderation . We 've got one outlet in the kitchen that works , and we rotate it between the coffee maker , the microwave , the toaster oven , and a lamp . I can 't do laundry the way I used to , so that 's building up . I can 't run the dishwasher , but I 'm optimistic enough to keep stacking dishes in there , thinking that as soon as I wash them by hand the power will probably snap back to life . We skipped baths and showers , and I 'm feeling grungy - power or no power , we 're washing tonight . And a little TMI , but we 've become very relaxed about flushing . We have been listening to the radio , but the TV - one of those flat screen babies - takes WAY too much power , so far rivaled only by the toaster oven ( ? ) and the water pump . Not to mention that the generator goes off at night , so the house gets cold , the baby endsup in our bed , the boys wake up crying because " It 's Dark ! " and they are scared . And it 's only been one day . And we have a generator . I somehow think that , if I could just know when the power would turn ON , or if I could just figure out HOW LONG it was going to be , then I could figure stuff out , do the dishes , make things a little more permanent . But as for now we 're in a kind Posted by We 're in the middle of quite an ice storm up here . Our power is out , but it sounds as though a third of the power is out in all of NH . The schools are closed , and they are asking people to stay put . Not so much because of the roads , but because falling branches have blocked off many streets , and people then turn around to find the way they just came has become blocked with large tree branches , and they become trapped . So we 're stuck at home . Thanks goodness the LAST time this happened we were motivated to purchase a generator . We have electricity to the furnace , the well pump , the fridge , and to the living room . We can run the radio , and even watch TV . Steve even managed to hook up the wireless . I know there 's no photo in this post . But there 's a reason . Today we will be using our imaginations to create our very own individual mental images , and we can carry these around with us anywhere . Today was the second wet , cold , rainy day in a row . The boys took what I can only describe as a very short nap , and when they woke up I gave them each a chocolate chip cookie and a glass of milk . Then I dug around in one of the Christmas storage boxes and pulled out two santa hats . Nathan LOVES the Santa hats . He put his on right away , then started his usual afternoon routine , which is running around the house like a maniac , occasionally stopping to ask me if it 's TV time . I was folding laundry , and I didn 't catch it when he ran upstairs . I did notice him when he returned , however , because he had pyjamas with him . Nick used to love changing into pyjamas in the middle of the day , too . But Nathan doesn 't ask . He just changes . Which is what he did today . Only being Nathan , he didn 't change in his room . He ran upstairs , got some pyjamas , and ran back down the stairs . He then proceeded to strip off his clothes until he was naked . All except for the Santa Hat . This would be funny in and of itself , right ? But wait . Instead of then getting into his pyjamas , the ones he carried downstairs , he decided to put the clothes he took off into his hamper . Which is upstairs . So he picked up his clothing and ran upstairs , naked except for the Santa hat . And I went to grab the camera . I got a shot of him on the stairs , mid step , Santa hat on head , clothes clutched to his chest . But I do not post photos of my children unclothed on the internet , despite taking them for my own personal future prom date moments . So you will all have to make do with that mental image . We went to see Santa . The first year I took Nick to see Santa , he sat on his lap for exactly three terrified seconds - long enough for the lady to snap his picture - and then cried when I wouldn 't let him play with one of the teddy bears they had around Santa 's Lair as decoration . The next year he flatly refused to go . And last year I got both Nick and Nate to go . Why do I do this ? Why does ANY parent do this ? No three year old decides she wants to walk up to Santa and sit on his lap and discuss her behavior and how much she deserves a pony or a Bratz doll . No . A three year old takes one look at Santa and his long white beard , remembers all those songs about how famous he is , and turns around to walk the other way . So what is the point ? Why do parents think that taking the time to haul out to the mall , stand in line , and force their child to interact with a scary red guy is a good idea ? I will never know . When we showed up to visit Santa , a boy was crying because he was so frightened , and we had to wait until his mother calmed him down enough to get a good picture . The next little girl didn 't cry , but she planted her feet and refused to go into the little - er - den , where Santa keeps his big visiting chair . She also refused to turn around and face the camera , because apparently Santa is scary , and if she turns her back he might bite her . I was worried about my kids . Because they are all different , and each one might decide at any given moment that the visit wasn 't a good idea . I saw crying , tantrums , frightened clinging to my person , and small bodies flinging themselves on the floor . Not to mention the destruction Andy would do to Santa 's decorations . Well , the boys walked right up to Santa and started talking . They told him what they wanted for Christmas and smiled . Except for Andy , no one showed any hesitancy at all . And even Andy was able to sit on the little chair and pose for a picture . You can 't see me , but I 'm hiding off stage left because Andy kept wanting to get up and take down the decorations . As we left , thePosted by I don 't think I have ever had a Holiday shopping season which hasn 't involved time spent at THE MALL . When I was young , I did most of my Christmas shopping there . This was the Garden State Plaza , which was huge , but which grew considerably as soon as I left home . To get around in it , you needed a MAP and I am not kidding . Parking during the holiday season meant a long long walk . When I worked in Cambridge , it was next to a mall . I ate in the food court , and when I could afford it I parked there . So shopping there during lunch was almost inevitable . I need stuff for gifts , the mall has stuff for gifts , easy . The malls here are much smaller . And yet , when I attempted a shopping trip this weekend , I spent twenty minutes circling the parking lot before giving up . Today I showed up with Andy forty minutes before the mall opened , and walked around with a bunch of elderly people and women with infants . Apparently a lot of people do this to get exercise in the winter , when they can 't walk outdoors . Although how they do it without stopping for a donut at the food court I will never know . Going to the mall ( or to other stores ) is now second to online shopping for me . However , online shopping also has its drawbacks . For one thing , you can 't SEE what you are buying . What looks like a perfectly good item may arrive a different ( and unacceptable ) color , or three times smaller than you 'd imagined . Not to mention shipping charges and the trouble you might or might not run into having to remember login information - every time I order stamps online I have to dig up this old login and password and I JUST WANT STAMPS ! Why the heck do I have to have an account to do this ? Anyway , it 's only for a few more days . Because then I 'm going to have to wrap , and then I 'm going to have to figure out how to get these things to the correct people . I 'm not ignoring you , internet . I just have a lot to do these days . What with holidays and shopping and wrapping and all . Not to mention all the other stuff . Today after nap I took a good look at Nathan , who happened to be popping out of size 2T jeans , and I noticed how slim he looked to me . Sure , he 's still little and has this round little face , but his body is stretching , and he 's starting to look more like a boy and less like a toddler . " Nathan , you 're getting to be such a big boy , " I said . " Yes , " he replied , " And maybe when I 'm gonna be big , I 'm gonna get a KNIFE ! " ? He has made comments about knives more than once over the past few days . At first it frightened me , too , especially given his excitable and hysterical and rough nature . Because I pictured a large , sharp , pointy hunting knife . And I thought " No way in hell . " But then I realized he was talking about getting a knife AT THE DINNER TABLE . See , up until recently we didn 't give the kids knives . Because we had a hard enough time keeping them from killing each other with the forks . But in the interest of table manners , and also having kids that can cut their own food , I have started setting Nick 's place with a knife . And Nathan noticed . Tonight we threw caution to the wind and gave Nate a knife . We had to take it away once because he was playing with it , dancing his fork and knife together on his plate and letting them have some sort of conversation with each other until he knocked over his milk . But when he got it back he started using it . We had to teach him to use his fork to hold the food while he cut it , because he kept aiming for his fingers . But he learned how to cut up beets very well . Today we went to the mall and visited Santa . This post isn 't actually about the Santa visit , so the only comment I 'll make today is that both boys asked him for Wall - E items . Because they both LOVE Wall - E A LOT , just in case you haven 't heard . Up until today , the boys knew Wall - E existed in film , in video games , and on cupcakes . But until we walked into the Disney Store they hadn 't realized they could ask for anything more . The Disney Store had an entire Display dedicated to Wall - E . There were stuffed Wall - E and Eve 's , there were big robot Wall - E 's , little Wall - E and Eve figurines , and even additional robot figurines . There were Wall - E T - shirts and B & L hampers and even a life sized Wall - E robotic arm . There were Wall - E sneakers . The boys thought they had died and gone to Wall - E heaven . They wanted everything . They asked for everything . And I had to keep repeating over and over that we weren 't there to buy anything for ourselves today . All the while I was cursing Santa , how early he drops everything off at our house , and the limit I asked him to put on toys for the boys this year . I 'm not mentioning this to hint for any holiday gift ideas ( but seriously , if you haven 't gotten these boys anything , go there . ) No , what I 'm actually trying to describe is what I was feeling at that moment . Because I wanted to buy that stuff for them . I wanted to buy them every single Wall - E item in that store . All of it . Without a thought to price , to where we 'd put it , to how good it would be for them . I wanted to give it to them . To dazzle them with the glittery princess shoes and sneak the saleslady my credit card number so that come Christmas morning our house would be taken over with tiny robot figuringes . Why ? Well , I suppose because they are my children , and I want to see them happy and give them what they want . I think most of us feel this way about anyone we love when we see their eyes light up . The boys were SO excited it was just too easy to get caught up in it all . It would have been so easy to boy them each one thing . . . But I didPosted by I took a break from working out over Thanksgiving . And to be honest with you , my workouts before Thanksgiving week were not what you might call " regular . " No . " Sporadic " might be a better word . " Occasional " is another . But the workouts themselves were good ones ( mostly ) and I gradually increased the distance I was running . This week I finally reached 5 miles - no , not a grand total , a workout total . I think that 's quite a distance , even on the treadmill . Not only that , but today makes the first time I 've worked out three days in a row in . . . since I can 't remember . ( Technically , Tuesday I only ran 5K . But give me a break - I was still in recovery from the day before . ) So . . . hooray for me ! In honor of me working out , enjoy the photo of Winston doing the dishes . . Today I went through Andy 's clothes again . I was adding the 18 months clothes and putting away the 9 month stuff and the smaller 12 month stuff that 's been through the dryer too many times . Doing this I realized just how many clothes the boys had when they were little . Andy has dozens of outfits in his dresser right now . Not only did I buy him clothes , but everyone else seemed to want to buy him clothes , too . Because toddler clothes , like baby clothes , are very cute . And then when Nate got to be that size he got a few items , as well . These days Nick and Nate have just enough clothes to get them through the week , and there are some days - if I 'm behind on laundry and there have been a few costume changes - where I end up stuffing someone into a pair of pants one size too small . Putting Andy 's things away made me kind of sad , though . Because once I get all of those little clothes into storage I will probably never need to look at them again . The only thing better than being an evil mother is listening to your kids relate to each other about how evil you are . For example , this afternoon Nathan , who had not napped , ran up to me and asked me for an orange . " I 'm sorry , I had to throw the clementines away because they were rotten , " I said . Nate persevered and said " Then I am gonna have an apple . " I shook my head . " I 'm sorry , but I didn 't get any apples today . " How rude of me . Nathan was overcome with frustration , and ran away in tears . I then heard him talking to Nick in the next room . " Mommy said ' No , Apple , Nate ! ' Because she didn 't get any ! " I laughed to myself because . . . well , it 's just funny to hear . Here he is , telling on me and my harsh mother like rules , such as " you can 't have what we do not have . " And then Nicholas said - in the tone of voice that clearly meant his brother was SO LAME " Then just go get a banana . " " OK ! " Nate exclaimed cheerfully , and came back out to get a banana , which we had plenty of . He finished it before his tears were dry on his cheeks . When I had my previous job , before children , I realized that a great number of college graduates wanted to live and work in New York City . Passionately and absolutely . For some of them , this was the deal breaker . And for the life of me , I couldn 't understand why . There is a lot of legend surrounding New York City . I guess there 's a challenge to living there that some people simply can 't walk away from . And a city of that size has a lot of things hard to find elsewhere . Theatre . Museums . Clubs . Restaurants . For some reason , people find this place incredibly exciting and attractive . It 's sad to say , but I think many people who live in cities look down on those of us who do not . Poor , poor rural folks ! They obviously have no taste , no appreciation of finer things , no need for diversity , or they would have moved . Moved to the city , with billions of other people , to overpay for their real estate , their food , their everything . Sure , culture is all around in the city , but few people who live there can afford it . The money goes to pay the rent on their shoebox . To hear cars and noise and traffic everywhere and at all times , even at 4am in bed . I think the city is just right for some people . But I don 't think I 'll ever be one of those people . For me , it 's too dirty , too noisy , and too crowded . Going to the supermarket there is painful . Getting from place to place requires a chess board for planning . I like to get in my car and go where I need to go moving over 3 miles an hour , without driving through a sea of pedestrians , buy what I need without worrying about how I 'm going to get it home while strolling through aisles large enough to pass someone without running over a foot . I like going outdoors without running into three million people who would step over me if I passed out in the street . I like not being woken up at night by trucks , sirens , or shouting men . I like . . . dirt dirt . Like from the earth . Yes , I know there 's a trade off . And for the most part I think people make the choice that 's right for them . I saw Jamie and Posted by Thanksgiving is always a circus . And my trips to New York are always hectic . So these past few days have been . . . well , a hectic circus ? I saw Mike Daisey 's show , If You See Something Say Something , which was very good . There are two more shows Sunday at the Public , and you should really look into going if you 're in NY . I didn 't get to hang out with Mike , however , because I felt the need to rush back to my parents ' apartment and take care of my sick children . Nate got an ear infection the day before we left . I 'm sure Andy has one now - he 's been coughing and snotting and fevering since Wednesday . And Nick complains of a headache every two hours . Despite many illnesses , we managed to make it to the Metropolitan Museum of Art , where we saw knights and mummies and statues . Friday we saw the Radio City Music Hall Christmas Spectacular , which was . . . spectacular . Although I 'm not sure who thought a tap routine to The Twelve Days Of Christmas was entirely necessary . And I saw Anne - E and Jamie 's new apartment ! Thursday Steve took Nick and Nate to the Parade . And although I didn 't drink until dinner , I managed to drink quite a lot , more than I realized , until I spilled wine all over Meg 's Father . Then I forced everyone to listen to me screech out songs I didn 't know the words to . New York is a great place to visit . . . . but honestly , I can 't see why anyone would want to live there . I 'm home in my quiet house . I hear no noises from outside but the occasional car or dog barking . And although I miss my family already , tonight I can relax and sleep well . Dear SantaI hope you enjoyed your Thanksgiving as much as I did . I 'm sure you were all very busy what with all the mouths to feed - those elves and all the reindeer . Do you get turkey up there at the North Pole ? I know that it 's a busy time of year , and judging from how long the holiday decorations have been out , I 'm late instead of early . But given your limited time I thought I might send out a few helpful hints about gifts for the people in our household . I know it is difficult because , unlike so many people , none of us really NEED anything . In fact , this house is cluttered with toys and objects and . . . random stuff . But these tips might come in useful . First of all , PLEASE NO STUFFED ANIMALS . I know they are cute and cuddly and hard to resist , but please PLEASE resist . We have so many already . In fact , if you need some , let me know and I can send a few your way ! Second , please consider SIZE when you deliver gifts . I know , huge ride around toys and life sized stuffed animals get the biggest reactions , but they are also the most difficult to find homes for . While we do have a good sized home , most of it is filled with stuff . Besides , doesn 't your sleigh get kind of heavy and weighed down ? Think of those reindeer ! And consider toys that will fit on a shelf or in a toy bin . NOW - enough of what NOT to do . Specifically , Nicholas has asked for " a small pink oven " that I think he saw in a TV commercial , and I am not planning on getting it for him because WE HAVE AN OVEN . ( Irony at work - this is the same reason my mother refused to get me one . ) Nathan has not specified anything other than " WALL - E . " The boys are particularly taken with Wall - E , and while they have the movie , I know they would appreciate any toy or object with him on it . ( Not luggage , please . ) They also like Batman , Spiderman , Cars ( the Pixar film ) and I can talk them into almost anything Disney . As always , they particularly appreciate books or art supplies , and they have recently become interested in kid 's cookbooks . And Andy is too little to make requests . Posted by Today we went to the Festival Of Trees ! This is the one where people and businesses decorate trees , and they are usually really creative - this year we saw trees decorated with toy trucks , a " tea " tree with boxes of tea as ornaments and a garland of sugar packets , a Dr . Suess tree with colorful fluff for branches and a few books underneath . . . All in all there are hundreds of trees . And each tree is raffled off . Last year we one a tree - I think we might have been one of five people who bid on it , as it was rather dull , as trees go . But still , we won ! I 'm not convinced our luck will hold this year . Although I 'm keeping my fingers crossed for the " Paris " tree , or the one decorated with boxes of chocolate . I know my posts of late have been very short or . . . not there . And tonight I was going to post something real and full of tasty comment to make up for all that . The only problem is I am so very exhausted and all I can think of is curling up in bed with the Stephen King book I just purchased . I was talking all day long . I don 't think I took a full breath . And all of the talking went like " You wrote on the bed with crayon ? Why would you write on the bed with crayon ? We need to clean - Andy get off the chair ? What are you crazy ? You 're going to fall and crush your head . Nathan , stop jumping on the bed and put on your clothes . We 're late so find your shoes . Shoes ! Shoes ! You can 't wear sandals . Well where did you take them off ? You need to wear a coat . You don 't need gloves . You need to sit in your own car seat , so please move over . Use your words ! Do NOT hit your brother . PLEASE stop crying Andy I can 't hear what your brother is saying ! " And blah blah blah . I can 't stand myself by the end of the day . Nick and Nate have a game . " Want to play Good Mario and Good Captain Hook ? " Nick will say to Nate . Or sometimes it 's " Bad Mario and Bad Luigi " or " Bad Captain Hook and Bad Mario " But whatever the game is , they play it a lot . It involves a lot of running around , a lot of jumping , and a lot of yelling . Sometimes it involves putting winter boots on , and sometimes changing into PJ 's . Sometimes both . " Who is Good Mario ? " I asked Nate . NATE : He 's just Mario . ME : Yes but are you Good Mario ? NATE : No ! I 'm Good Nathan ! Driving the kids to school last week , an animal ran out into the middle of our street , and I had to slow down so that I wouldn 't plow right into it . At first I thought it was a cat - something that looked almost Siamese . But as I got closer I realized it was huge , more like a dog . Except it wasn 't really a dog - the face just didn 't look dog - like . " Cat " and " Dog " being the animals I am most familiar with and expect to see on a daily basis , I could almost hear my brain shuffling through the animals I was familiar with , trying to find the right one . Squirrel ? too big . Deer ? Obviously not . Mountain Lion ? no . Fox ? Ha ! Had to be the fox . Many moons ago , Steve and I heard a fox out in the back yard , only it sounded like a woman screaming - an old woman who had been screaming for a long time screaming . And it really is a scary sound . We then saw the fox at the end of the yard , far off in the distance as recently as this summer . And even from here we could see that it didn 't look healthy . But that day she was in the street , in a driveway , clumps of fur missing , and her tail bent at a 90 degree angle downward . She looked beat up and sick . If you were a healthy fox , would you go prancing around the more densly populated areas when there were conservation lands and woods available ? Two days later a garbage truck pulled over in front of our house - not OUR trash guys , but another company entirely , to tell Steve there was a fox down the road , and to look out if we had kids . Concerned , we called Animal Control , who told us that , if we saw it again , we could call in and they would send someone over . I guess we 're just supposed to invite the fox in and distract it with tea and cookies until the police get here ? I mean , I see their point - who wants to go tromping about the woods looking for a fox ? Today I happened to glance out the window from the study and THERE WAS THE FOX , walking right up to our house , right to the deck . I turned and opened the door to the basement , where Steve was working . " Steve ! Fox ! Fox ! Outside ! " Now , Steve Posted by Nate got a haircut . For fun , they threw in a little something extra . It didn 't even need washing out , and by the time we took baths there was no trace of green at all . But while it lasted , it was a hoot . Is it me , or is it just too early for Christmas music ? We 're rehearsing it in the choir , but that makes sense to me because it requires preparation , and then there will be two or three weekends to sing in . But turning over entire radio stations to Winter Wonderland and such before Thanksgiving ? I find this a bit much . Additionally , the Giving Tree is up at the Library . The tree 's ornaments are slips of paper shaped like mittens , and each has a gift on it - PJ 's for a 10 year old girl , boots or mittens for a 4 year old boy , etc . The items are for families that can 't afford these things on their own , and I always make it a point to look for a few little girl items that I can pick up , because shopping for girls is fun , especially when you don 't have to hear them tell you how much they hate what you got them . Well , I had about three seconds to look for a " good " mitten when I realized that Nick and Nate were just plucking them off the tree like it was mitten harvest time . I kept taking them away and trying to put them back on the tree , but it takes MUCH longer to do that than to yank them down . Nick eventually stopped , but Nathan couldn 't understand WHY he COULDN ' T HAVE A MITTEN ! Nick is starting Kindergarten next year . New Hampshire has required that all towns have public Kindergarten for the 09 - 10 school year . I am fairly certain that our town did not want a public Kindergarten , and would have been perfectly happy to put it off indefinitely . But they have to do it , and so they will . Five days a week , for 2 hours and 30 minutes , no recess , in mobile classrooms on rented land . This means we have to make a choice . Because the school we send the boys to now HAS a Kindergarten , and they need to figure out if they will keep having one . For a few hundred dollars a month Nick could go to school from 9 to 3pm in a setting he knows with teachers he is familiar with , in a program that has had 20 years to establish itself . Personally , I don 't think Nick 's school is going to have a problem keeping its program . But Nick will be going to the public school . This is a complicated choice for me . It 's not just money , although it 's always there as a concern . but there 's much more to it that that . If I were to be honest , I would admit that there 's an element of stubbornness to my decision . I think the school board left it to the last minute and is putting together a minimal program to actually discourage parents from sending their children , simply to justify their own belief that a Kindergarten is unnecessary . But even though it seems thrown together on the outside , I 'm not convinced that the actual teaching and learning will be that much different . Being part of the public Kindergarten should ease his transition to First Grade . And yes , the timing and the schedule will be different , but having him at home a few more hours each day won 't hurt , either . It will leave time to do other things . I get so torn up over choices when it comes to the boys and school . I absolutely hated school , the dread starting to build up as early as Sunday morning . I know that this isn 't true of all kids , and that many children actually enjoy school , at least while they are young . I want so badly for this to be true of my boys . I want tPosted by No , there really isn 't anything to see . I 'm very tired and my mind is drawing a great blank , despite the think and worry creases in my forehead . Sorry ! After posting the video of Andy walking the other day , I got a few comments from people ( my mother ) expressing surprise at how good his walking has become . Today Andy tripped and hit the corner of his eye on the lowest shelf inside the fridge . I have no idea how one would even TRY to make this happen , unless you were that short . For Christmas last year ( I promise this ties in ) Gramma and Grampa Claus gave the boys a musical mat . They really like it , but I keep it in the toy closet because it tends to not get turned off , and this way they get excited whenever I bring it out . This is the first time Andy has really taken notice of it . Please note how well he moves his little feet . I made my own birthday cake . It may sound odd , but it was my own choice . See , there was this cake recipe I have been wanting to try for a while . I did have to make dessert for a church supper , but this cake seemed less of a grown up gathering kind of cake and more of a . . . well , a birthday cake . So I grabbed my chance . The thing is , I got this recipe off the back of a cake flour box . So it called for very specific ingredients . You know . They were sitting around saying " What can we put in this cake ? Hey ! We make rust flavored jelly beans ! Let 's use those instead of milk ! " OK , so it wasn 't that strange . Even though I had to buy clear vanilla . And the cake itself tuned out very well . But the icing called for raspberry syrup . I have never in my life seen raspberry syrup , unless you count the concoctions I have been known to whip up with jam and regular pancake syrup . And I somehow don 't think that 's what it was asking for , because my name isn 't Smucker 's . I looked in every place I could think of at the grocery store , but I couldn 't find it . So instead I decided I would use the Hershey 's Strawberry syrup we had at home , the kind to make pink milk , which Nick insists he loves , even though he doesn 't and never drinks it . I figured it couldn 't be much different , right ? Well . . . who knows . But the picture of the cake on the box was a really nicely decorated pale pink cake . And I know that pictures lie , and I shouldn 't believe the back of the box . . . And I definitely didn 't expect to be able to decorate it the same way . . . but my cake . . . well . . . Barbie would have been proud . You can 't really get a good idea of the BRIGHTNESS of the pink from these photos . It 's a lot darker and PINK in real life , kind of clashing with the raspberries on the top . But it turned out PK , I guess . Despite the cloying and overwhelming fake strawberry taste from the icing . I 'm thinking about making this cake again , but using chocolate syrup in the icing ! By the way , my kids told me this was the best cake ever , and all day yesterday Nathan kept trying to cliPosted by The Photo Booth application on this laptop is fun ! I can take any number of funny looking pictures of myself with it . But this is the one where my nose doesn 't look oddly huge . I wonder why ? Anyway , today is my birthday . Tomorrow I will have a funny - ish cake story . But right now Andy has emptied a container of yogurt onto his lap , so I have to go . The focus these days is all on money . Well , the economy , which doesn 't seem to be exactly the same thing , but money is how we measure it . Even though we still seem to be fine , I 've become very aware that things could get " really bad " any day now , and I 've started to pay more attention to my spending . The thing is , money is like storage space . No matter how much you have , it 's never enough . My house could be lines in drawers and cabinets from floor to ceiling , and I would still have a pile of laundry on the floor , and pots and pans I needed to keep on the counter because there 's no room for them anywhere else . The thing is , I don 't NEED all that storage space , I just think I do . It 's either not full , or I 'm storing stuff in the hall closet I really don 't need . Like my ice skates . I can 't tell you when I last put on a pair of ice skates . So I guess when I start looking at my receipts and trying to separate needs and wants , it 's a little like going through cabinets and throwing away what is broken or what is not being used . But the day after I started my project the kids started getting sick , and doctor 's appointments and co - pays for antibiotics messed everything up . I dislike ear infections . Today is Lillian 's Birthday . It is also Chris and Clare 's birthday . They are my cousins . And they are not twins , they simply share a birthday . I 've always thought that was pretty cool . On this Election Day Eve , I want to dedicate one last post to a political message . Kind of . On our long drive to Tennessee , my mother pointed out that a lot of my talk about Palin was not based on any factual information , but more based on reiterating the same " She 's A Crazy Loony " slogan over and over again . So in the interest of being fair , and recognizing that not all of my readers share my political views , and a few do not even live in this country . . . I thought I would try to explain my feelings about this election in a fair manner , with no blowing things out of proportion . I said " try . " I really do dislike Palin , and I do admit that this feeling comes from my gut . After all , about the only thing we have in common are certain anatomical similarities . ( We are both female . ) Aside from the fact that I detest the idea of beauty queens ( and part of me really does ) , I disagree with her on practically every issue . I want to support scientific advancement both in the medical community and in our schools . I want to protect this planet earth we live in . I want the right to make decisions about my own body , my own birth control , and my own health care . I do not have faith in Palin 's knowledge of international affairs or economic affairs . The fact that McCain chose this person as a running mate , to fufill a position where she might have to run this country in a time of crisis , shows me that he ( or his party , if you want to look at it that way ) has very little respect for the people of this nation . Maybe she is just a " soccer mom . " But the truth is , I don 't know any soccer moms I want running this country , either . Nor would I trust anyone who feels this is a wise choice . That said , I understand that not everyone agrees with me . I don 't understand why or how , but that 's not the point . Everyone is entitled to her opinion . I am a very lucky person . I have more than enough food . I have a home to live in and a bed to sleep in and we are able to keep it reasonably warm . I feel safe because I have health care and if anything happenPosted by Nathan decided over a month ago that he wanted to be Wall - E for Halloween . Nicholas then said he wanted to be Wall - E , too . Nathan was very upset at this idea , and cried about it for a bit until I explained that they could BOTH be Wall - E . Then there would be two Wall - E 's . And from that point on , whenever anyone asked Nate what he was going to be for Halloween , he told them " Two Wall - E 's . " Which could be very confusing . I looked for Wall - E costumes , but could not find any in stores . I found some online , but for $ 50 each , and I refused to even consider them . That 's $ 100 ( for those of you slow at math ) on costumes that would be worn once , and probably then discarded , since once kids reach a certain height they become choosy about what they will dress up as . So I found boxes and purchased poster paint . Last weekend I set the boys up with paintbrushes , and the boxes became grey . And then while they were sleeping I added lights and stripes and the name , so people could tell what they were . The masks were purchased at a party store - obviously they were meant as favours , because they came in packs of eight . The boxes are held up with straps made of duct tape . The boys were the only ones at school with costumes they made themselves . Everyone else had snug poofy costumes , or complete princess outfits , or otherwise purchased stuff . And there were a few problems . For one thing , the armholes were far apart , so objects could not be passed from one hand to another , or from one hand to their treat bags . Nathan 's arm holes were also placed far back in the box , so he couldn 't always judge where stairs began , and triped up almost every front porch we encountered . Also , the boys couldn 't lower their arms . There was also the problem of recognition . For while Wall - E is , by far , the best movie ever made in the WORLD within the walls of our home , not all children have seen the film . Nor have their parents . In fact , a few parents were surprised the boys had seen it . And some people had never heard of the cute little robot at all . And a few Posted by I made the boys Wall - E costumes , and I will take pictures and post them tomorrow . I promise . It really is hard to stop and take pictures . Although I took a couple today of Nate painting a pumpkin while I chopped up my own . I have never been good at carving pumpkins . I am not that great an artist , and I 'm not that great with knives . Add the two together and it 's like asking for a finger without a hand . This year I drew what I took to be a reasonable face on our pumpkin . However , moments into my carving , I realized I had both eyes reaching up to where I cut off the top , as well as meeting at a point in the middle . Which meant that , by carving my eyes , I was also carving out the triangle separating them . So I tried to erase the eyes . Unfortunately , I had used permanent marker . So instead I just drew my new lines over the old ones , and while I was at it I fixed the mouth . When I finished carving it looked OK , but the lines all over made it look really . . . odd . I turned the extra space above into eyebrows . But I needed have worried . In the dark it looks fine . I want to know who the people are that change their minds when political forces call them on the phone . Are there really people sitting around wishing that the Republicans of New Hampshire will call them up so that they could ask their questions and clarify a few points ? Do politicians honestly feel that voters will come to like them and perhaps even change their minds about who they will vote for if they are called repeatedly ? I mean , the tactic must work , because we are certainly getting enough phone calls for it . But personally , all they make me want to do is wish I could reach through the phone lines and squeeze the callers lips shut REALLY TIGHT with my fingers . Or perhaps bash them on the head with the phone . For the greater good . I know I shouldn 't answer the phone . But the caller ID NEVER says who 's calling . Once it said OBAMA , way back before the primaries . But these days the callers are from companies hired to harass us , so all that comes up is OUT OF AREA , and sometimes people I know show up that way as well . Sometimes the callers are volunteers , and private numbers or wireless numbers pop up . It could be a school parent , or a teacher calling from a cell . Next time , and I 'm sure there will be a next time , I shall ask the caller if the tactic - calling people and harassing them , is working , but before I get an answer I 'll interrupt . " But now isn 't really a good time for me . Why don 't you give me YOUR home number , and I 'll call YOU ? " Nicholas is Star Of The Week this week at school . This means that , all week long , he gets to be line leader . It also means he gets to bring in a toy to show and tell to the class . And a snack to share with the class . And a photo collage to show off his family . Which is great , isn 't it ? Except , as with many other things , this is something engineered to focus on the child , but which actually required a lot of extra hours and participation from ME . Which is fine . I don 't mind making a picture collage - even though I had to wrestle with the printer and find special paper and print out photos on Steve 's work printer instead because mine was out of ink . No problem . But tomorrow he needs to bring in snack . Nicholas wanted to bring in peanut butter and jelly sushi , but of course we can 't because of the peanut butter . Instead , we decided to make cut out cookies for Halloween and decorate them . But I didn 't make the dough yesterday , and this morning I didn 't have time because I had to get the boys to Gymnastics . The kind I make requires the dough be refrigerated 3 to 4 hours before rolling it , so as soon as we were back and the boys had lunch and I got them down for a nap I threw together a couple of batches . And I have to tell you , I don 't understand baking . I put it all together , and I 'm supposed to refrigerate it , but instead of a ball of dough I have what looks like a pile of sand , and no matter how I try to get it to stick together it keeps falling apart . And refrigerating it never really helps . So when the boys wake up and I distract them until the dough has been in the fridge almost 3 hours , I take the balls of sand out and attempt to turn them into something I can roll . But Nick is three steps ahead and already trying to open the sprinkles , and Nathan is frantically trying to use his cookie cutters to cut the pile of sand into pumpkin cookies . After much coaxing of both boys and dough , I finally manage to roll something out , and the boys start using their cookie cutters . Only Nicholas doesn 't understand that you can 't Posted by Today I finally cleaned out my car from our trip to Tennessee . Today Nicholas went on a class trip to pick out pumpkins . I remembered to pay the $ 6 , and I remembered to pack a brown bag lunch and to pack a drink . I forgot to leave his booster seat , and when we got home I found out the pumpkin Nick was holding had the name " AJ " written on it . Nick had been telling me he had AJ 's pumpkin , but I hadn 't realized he had been talking about a pumpkin that belonged to another child . Today I vacuumed the basement . Today I clipped the hedges in front of our house so that they no longer look spiky . But I neglected to rake up the branches and pine needles . Today I ran four miles of the treadmill . Today I did one load of laundry . Today I made roast chicken and potatoes for dinner . The End One of the perks of belonging to a church is that we actually get to interact with other people . Sometimes in an organized way . Yesterday we attended a supper organized by the church . A few people sign up and take turns hosting these meals , and everyone brings something . I hadn 't met any of the people at the supper before - a total of four couples , including us . And I was a bit nervous because I wasn 't sure what these people were going to BE like . I am uncomfortable in situations like these . What does one TALK about ? Well , the night began with a conversation about cats . Everyone had a cat story , including us , but as you may know , some people - GOOD people - can have a few more cat stories than one might want to listen to . And this cat conversation went on not exceedingly long , but long enough for me to start thinking that perhaps all we had in common - besides attending the same church - was that we had cats . But I didn 't mind too much , because I also had a glass of wine , and after a few moments considering the evening ahead , I decided that I could deal with cat conversation as long as I had wine . Of course my fears were unfounded . We all love our cats , but there is life beyond that , and we had a fantastic supper with grown up conversation beyond pets , beyond children even , and I had a wonderful time . I live in New Hampshire . I am a mom to three boys , a dog , and two cats . I think life is mostly funny . I love to write . I love to sleep . I love to run . I love cleaning and disinfecting in one simple step . I also really like pie , chocolate , and cookies , and anything made with both condensed milk and butter .
|
I like a joke as much as the next person . I don 't take things very seriously and I hope you don 't either . Hope you didn 't come here to whine ' cause I don 't wanna hear it ! I know I miss my friends . I know what they are up to for the most part , but I miss them physically . We 've lost family . We 've lost beloved furkids . We 've lost mutual friends . I think we need to hug each other . We need to laugh together . We need to reconnect with our silly selves . I know that I am kicking ass at this whole Grandmom gig . Logan is 4 and goes to preschool twice a week . Soon it will be full time . I 'll miss the time I spend with him . He loves Legos , wrestling , and video games . We go to the library and I can sit and read while he plays with other kids and plays learning games on the computer . It 's great . My grandbaby Claire is two and a half . She is also going to be a big sister this summer . She is beautiful . She is imaginative , artistic , musical , and vocal . She has had very little " baby talk " . She loves Flyers hockey and Union soccer and goes to a few of the games with her daddy . She comes over here and greets me with such an enthusiastic " Hi Mom - Mom ! ! " and she gives great hugs . I know that the hubby and I can survive each other for long periods of time alone . We drove across the country to see the Grand Canyon , Garden of the Gods and visited family in New Mexico . He wants to do it again and I am not afraid to do it again ! This year will be 36 years of marriage . I think we 've been quite successful . I know that my parents won 't be here forever . Dad had throat cancer . It was terrifying . He came through like a champ and is now cancer - free ( knock wood ) but the thought of losing him was so hard for me . Mom is still Mom . Our relationship is changing and I don 't like that . I will just say that I am probably as much to blame for that as she is . We are too much alike . * sigh * I am the grandmother of a beautiful little girl and a terribly cool little boy . Girl has gotten past her " shy stage " and now calls me " Mom - Mom " . We play tea party and color . Logan teaches me lots on his Kindle . We watch some strange tv shows and have adventures when we leave the house . I have quit smoking . Yes , QUIT ! May 30th will mark one year . It was hard . After all the tries with the patch and gum , I finally did it cold turkey . I don 't miss it either . A rare day will show up and I will simply light a smoke and put it out . I can 't bring myself to smoke . I am still married to my wonderful husband . We still run our business , but it is time to bring on our sons . In the upcoming couple of years , they will be taught to bid jobs , keep an inventory , and take care of the business . Hubs is ready to retire . He will stay on for the foreseeable future , but it is huge step nonetheless . While I have enjoyed all of these changes , I haven 't enjoyed some changes in myself . I 've become complacent about my weight and health . I simply don 't care . I have also become extremely judgemental . I criticize the television , celebrities , the government , news , my husband , my kids , my shoes , my dogs , my life . Why ? Not a clue . I hear my mother every time my mouth opens and I slam it shut . This is something I am working on . I don 't care if I get fat . I just don 't want to allow myself to become a bitter woman . Other than that ? Not much . I see most of you on facebook . I 've kept up with you , your families , jobs , etc . The blog roll on the left ? I couldn 't tell you who is still writing . One or two are , but I 'm about out . I only stopped here to see if it was still mine . Again I have lapsed , my friends . My life is very busy . I have lots to do and have rediscovered the joy of reading in a quiet house . I haven 't actually watched a movie in quite some time and even most of my nighttime shows are caught in a random hour here and there . My days are spent with Logan , mostly at his house . This isn 't an excuse . Why ? Because I am offering no excuses . This is more of an explanation of my happiness . The child truly is sunshine . He rarely cries - even while teething ! So far , we have two bottom teeth , accompanied by lots of chewing and drool . He has now started baby food and so far , it seems that squash is a favorite . We play , we laugh , and oh , my do I smile ! I recently realized just how much I smile when I was getting ready to go out . I was putting on eyeliner and as I looked into the soul - sucking magnifying mirror , I noticed fine lines at crease of my eyes . I always had a few , but these are deeper . Know what ? I am not freaked out by them . On the contrary , I am embracing them . They are my badge of grandmotherhood . Logan has also learned to crawl . This happened two weeks ago . This week , he is pulling himself up … . on the steps , on the coffee table , the couch , the dogs … you name it , he is the Edmund Hillary of the house . Babygirl is home for the summer and her new roommate drove an hour today to hang out and have dinner with her . Just in case they were eating here , I made meatballs and sausage for sandwiches . Logan settled in for his nap and Babygirl went upstairs to get her shower . I sat right beside Logan on the couch . Normally we snuggle up together on the couch or on the floor . Sometimes I can get him to sleep in his car seat . Today , though , I was sitting beside him . He slept for an hour before I remembered that the meatballs were still in the oven . I could smell that they were done or needed to be turned . Either way , they needed attention . Since Logan still had about half an hour in his usual nap time , I jumped from the couch and ran to the kitchen . I opened the oven , stirred the meat around and was ready to close it up and return when I heard the thud . I never leave that child alone ! I toss him into the pack - n - play , the car seat , the floor … . but never on the couch . The one time I did … . for only 30 seconds … . He cried then . Oh , yes , he did . He looked at me bewildered by this new sensation of pain . I cradled him in my arms and kissed him , tasting his tears on my lips . My heart was pounding . I couldn 't take it away for him . I cried as he cried . And after all the boogers were wiped from his nose , he smiled . He hugged me and snuggled up . We looked out the front door at the cars passing by . When there was lull in the cars he looked at me and I saw it … . Then his dad came home early . ( Of course ! ) I could tell he wanted to yell at me . He knew it was an accident . But he also knew that he was the one who would have to tell Shenanigans . I felt even worse , knowing that she would freak out about it . He packed up Logan 's stuff and ran out to pick up Shenanigans at work . I cried a little more in the bathroom , rinsed off my face and finished dinner . I found it very hard to feed myself . I talked to Son1 tonight . Shenanigans was a little upset , but as he said , she will get over it . Logan comes back tomorrow , and I will admit that I feel a little nervous . After all these years of caring for kids , Logan isn 't the first one to roll off the couch . He isn 't the first to get a goose egg . I 'm sure he won 't be the last . But the fact that this is his first lump , his first real bruise … . . and it happened at my house … it rattled me . You may not know that I spend every Friday with him . I get so excited about Friday 's arrival that sometimes I can 't sleep on Thursday night or else I wake up far too early . Each week I take my coupons along to clip , a crossword or two from the Sunday papers , or my kindle . Quite often I bring them home again , untouched . He is almost rolling over , almost teething . He definitely laughs and talks to me . He anticipates " 3 " as in " 1 - 2 - THREE ! " He is a bright sun in my week . You may not know that it was my fiftieth . I spent time with friends which is always a great time . I was taken out to dinner with my kids , husband and best friend and her husband . It was better than any of us had anticipated . It has been far too long since we have included the bestie and her hubs in an intimate celebration . I 'm glad they were invited ! You may not know just how much I missed her . I didn 't even realize it until I saw her when she came home on Friday . For once , I didn 't break the hug first . I breathed in the smell of her hair and her scalp … something I haven 't done in years . I found myself just watching her when she wasn 't looking . I stopped whatever I was doing if I could hear her voice talking to her dad or brother … . not listening to the conversation , just to the sound of her voice , her laughter . You may not know that I have thought about writing a post , but I am actually quite happy . I tend to post when I am experience a high or a low . I have been quite content with my life . I have enjoyed spending time with my kids . I enjoyed a few days here and there with my husband . I even enjoyed going to the dentist … after far too long since the last visit ! First off , when Mom - Mom died , it hit me very hard . Upon the phone call , I promptly got a migraine that didn 't let up until I saw her body . I wasn 't sleeping very well at all and even my sleep aids weren 't working . I was depressed , tired and very , very testy . To top it off , the funeral coincided with a dental appointment that Hubs had been waiting for since New Years . He had all but two teeth pulled and this was the day that he was going to be molded for his new plates . Now , I understand that he hasn 't eaten well and he must be starved constantly . I understand that even after this molding , there was more to be done . But this wasn 't about him . I was hurt and felt betrayed . I stood by him through the loss of both his parents and his grandparents , as well as cousins and friends . I have been blessed to have lost very few of my own dear ones . I needed him now . Finally , all the emotional and physical pain came to a climax and I let him have it . I also cried like I haven 't in a long , long time . He got the point quickly and stepped up . He was like a body guard , not letting issues or people touch me unless I invited them in . I still walked in a daze . I missed my daughter terribly . I cried while folding laundry . I couldn 't even call my best friend to tell her what I was dealing with . I began to scare myself . I don 't think I 've ever been so shattered . At the funeral , as I saw Mom - Mom in her casket , I realized that it wasn 't her . She was tiny , frail . The woman of my memories was robust , a force of nature . Even in her old age , she was the same . It was just in the last few months that she began to waste away . I said goodbye and tucked a letter under her blanket . I turned away and never looked back . The pain in my head disappeared and I suddenly felt so tired . My entire body relaxed and I knew it was the stress and grief that had piled on me . I believe she took it away and told me not to look back . My son had brought Logan with him to the funeral at my father 's request . The child came into the church and every tear was replaced with such joy ! He smiled at everyone . He was held by one great aunt after another . My own cousins gathered around laughing that I had joined the ranks of ' grandparent ' ( only one other out of 27 is a grandparent ) Dad had had the best idea by asking for the baby to attend . It was brilliance . The child fussed a tiny bit after an hour and was ready to be fed . My son did that and he was out for a nap . This was an opportunity to watch my son fully in the Dad - mode . Shenanigans had to work and he was on his own . I was so proud . In this past week , I have been flooded with only good , long lost memories of my grandmother . It makes me smile . I watched Logan Friday and Saturday . They came for dinner on Sunday . I watched Logan again yesterday . Lemme tell ya , a good baby is the best medicine for an aching psyche . I have laughed , and danced my days away . I got together with my best friend and we went shoe shopping . I put on a fun pair of plaid flats … . not something that I would normally wear . I ran up and down the aisle of the store laughing . I decided not to spend the money , but she insisted on buying them for me , stating " Chrissy , if they can make you that happy , it would be a sin to deny it " . She kept boxes of books in her upstairs guest room , the room I used when I stayed with her for weeks each summer . It was where I read the Dark Shadows series . I made friends with Agatha Christie , Alexandre Dumas and Mark Twain . I travelled to Narnia , colonial England , and the Valley of the Dolls . I found the Hounds of the Baskervilles and solved the Mystery of the Old Clock . She never drove . Instead she told me which streets ran north and south and which buses ran on even numbered streets . She taught me so well that I can be placed in the middle of Philadelphia and I would still find my way back to her house . She taught me about trolleys , subways and buses , a lesson I needed frequently during my high school years and beyond . She was active in her church , taking time from her evenings to clean the altar , prepare the prayerbooks and vestments . It was her faith that she passed on her daughters and grandkids . They now serve communion and attend rosary nights . She had friends who never went out without makeup and drank tea , and others who smoked , drank beer and swore like their dockworker husbands . She loved bingo , pinochle , and crocheting . She was always busy with crafts of some kind until she was betrayed by her eyes , fingers and finally her mind . She told me about my grandfather 's family . They are stories that much later , I shared with my cousins only to learn that I was the only one ever told ! But then , she had shared with them stories that I had never known . This week , my Mom - Mom passed away . All last week , I was angry and wanted so badly to lash at someone , anyone . I wanted to hit - no , HURT - someone so that they would hurt as badly as I did . I couldn 't put my finger on what was behind such aggression . When I got the phone call from my mom that Mom - Mom had died , it was like a magic wand had been waved . The anger disappeared to be replaced by relief and sadness . I finally realized that the anger had come just when I heard that Mom - Mom wasn 't doing well and had been placed on morphine for her comfort . I knew that morphine meant that the end was near . I was angry that she was being taken from me . This week with Logan , I held him and sang to him a song my Mom - Mom used to sing to me . I held him on my lap and read to him . I imagine my own grandmother did the same with me . Now I am a grandmother . I wonder if I will live long enough to see Logan 's grandson . Yesterday , we spent our first whole day together . I want to remember every detail of it . You see , it was the first time that I actually felt like your mom - mom . We were alone . I was yours and you were mine . I walked in the door and whispered " Hello " because I didn 't know if you were asleep . I was greeted by your wonderfully loud squeal that sounded so much like " HI ! " It was the first of so many smiles you gave me . There you were , in your bassinet , all smiles , waves , and kicks . I can 't remember ever seeing a more joyful baby . Have I told you how beautiful you are ? We lay on your play blanket and even made a fort . You are too young for a fort , but who cares ? You laughed and cooed . I pretended that I couldn 't find you , asking " Where 's Logan ? " You responded by kicking your feet and squealing . Were you playing too ? Were you calling to me ? It felt that way . I fed you and you looked into my eyes while you ate . You held my fingers as your eyes grew heavy . Slowly you grew ' bottle drunk ' . I burped you held you through your hiccups . You threw up on me and I was okay with that . It made you feel better and the smiles returned . I changed your diaper and you were happy through that too . I found your ticklish spots and you giggled for me . It was a beautiful sound . Eventually you slept and what a peaceful baby you were . Did you dream of playing with me ? Did you dream of chasing your dog , Maggie ? Or did you dream of Mommy and Daddy and playing with Jazzy ? You smiled often while you dreamed . You woke up and fussed . I could tell your belly bothered you . I felt sad , and wondered if I were to blame . Did you get too much air ? Did you not burp enough ? You cried . I ran the faucet and you calmed down . Every five minutes or so you did that for half an hour . But when you calmed down , you cooed and smiled . Finally you farted . My lord , child , you sounded like your dad . Then you pooped . I waited until I was sure you were finished and when I removed your diaper , you took my breath away . Goodness , you make big smellies ! And then I noticed that it was up your back too . When I took off your onesie , I smeared it in your hair too and you needed a bath . Good thing mommy came home because suddenly I needed extra hands ! But I learned how much you love your bath . You happily kicked and squealed as your mommy cleaned you and washed your hair . And you stayed calm as we dressed you afterwards . All good things must end and our day was one of those good things . Pop - Pop came to pick me up and as we began to drive away , he told me to " stop it " . What was it that he wanted me to stop doing ? Where have I been ? you may ask . I 've been around . The holidays took up a good bit of time . Family took up a good bit more . On the whole , December was an awesome month . I just didn 't blog about it that 's all . * * December 8th was my mom 's birthday . I didn 't forget it . But I DID forget that it was her SEVENTIETH ! Holy shit ! What kind of daughter am I to forget that ? ! I 'll tell you what kind . The kind that also forgot that December 9th was Mom and Dad 's FIFTIETH anniversary . My brothers and sister gave me a lot of grief for that . According to them , since I am the oldest , it is MY responsibility to keep track of these things . I should have planned something big for that . Well , the sibs and I did discuss this back in August . The problem was that work was slowing down for my brothers , my sister wanted something huge with a small price tag and it was too close to the holidays , so the idea was scrapped . We all ended up being at Mom and Dad 's house that night anyway with champagne and Logan . We all agreed to go out for dinner the following week . Joe and his wife weren 't in a place to afford going , but I offered to cover his bill as his birthday was the day after the dinner . Dan offered to pay for Mom and Dad . We went out to dinner - all four of us kids and our spouses as well as Babygirl and Son1 . We had a wonderful evening . We sat drinking and laughing and finally waiting and waiting for the bill . Finally my brother Dan asked the waitress to bring it , as we were all ready to leave . She said it had already been paid . My husband paid for it all . All he asked was that they cover the tip generously . And they did . When I asked why he had done that , he said because he knew it meant alot to me to be with the family without stress . And he was right . He told everyone Merry Christmas . * * I spent time with Babygirl and my girlfriends in Center City Philadelphia . We saw a traditional Holiday light show , did more than a little shopping and did lunch / dinner at a very nice restaurant . It was a wonderful day full of laughter and friendship . It is something that we hope to make a tradition for ourselves . * * Christmas Eve was the usual family night . Lots of people , lots to drink and the ONLY time that I went to bathroom , my nephews banged on the door yelling " Aunt Chrissy ! Santa Clause is here and he 's looking for YOU ! " What the hell ? I ran out of the bathroom to see him standing in the middle of my living room , speaking not a word to anyone in the house . He leaned to me and said " Merry Christmas , bitch ! " It was my friend Nancy dressed up . I laughed so hard my sides ached . It was a wonderful cherry on the top of the evening . I mean , really ! How often does anyone get called a ' bitch ' by Santa ? * * Christmas came and I got gems . I had bought a fake gem ring to wear with an outfit and I loved it . Unfortunately , it was beginning to tarnish and I was sad about that . Hubs remedied that by getting me a real one . I love it . I also love Logan . He is at a cute age where he imitates sticking his tongue out , he laughs and smiles constantly . He certainly brings a new level of joy to the holidays . * * The Friday after Christmas , Hubs had his teeth pulled . This has been a long time coming . It was his Christmas gift to himself . Unfortunately for me , he got all but two pulled and it took alot out of him . And so , I am paying for all the joys he has given me by nursing him through this . We are spending every waking hour together … . . every … . . waking …… hour . I can 't wait for retirement …< - insert sarcastic voice here ! So you see , my friends , I am here , I am busy and I am happy . I just can 't believe that I went almost a whole month away from here . I hope your holidays were full of joys and family . I wish you love , laughter and prosperity in the new year . See that group of people ? We go back . Further than high school . Further than grade school . My brothers and sister are in that group . I 've known them all their lives . The others ? They shared cribs and playpens with my siblings . I babysat them . I changed and fed them . We lived next door to each other , around the corner . We knocked on bedroom walls and giggled in the middle of the night . See the guy front and center in the dark hoodie ? His name is Joe and he is the baby . He will be 40 on his next birthday … . . if he sees his next birthday . Joe has cancer . His bills have started rolling in and his insurance has just ended . Isn 't that the way things like this happen ? We threw a beef and beer to raise money for those bills . Tickets were sold out . Raffles and gift auctions raised even more . There was lots of dancing and drinking and laughter . And food ! Good Lord , I 've never seen so much food ! Almost all of it was gone by the end of the night . More than the money , Joe 's spirits were raised . It 's been forever since all of us were gathered in one room . We hugged each other repeatedly and caught ourselves just staring across the room at each other , smiling with memory . I remembered our mothers as being taller . Now they are beginning to bend with age . I remembered seeing them coming home after a ' date night ' with their husbands , slightly flushed and tipsy . Now … . . wow , how time flies . As the holidays come , we will gather with our own families . Maybe one or two will show up at another 's home . We promised to get together more often , but will we ? I hate the thought that the next time we will be together , one of us will be missing … . . not just somewhere else , but gone . Alas , poor blog , I have again been neglectful . However , I must beg your forgiveness for this time , it was neither mere laziness nor lack of inspiration . It was an event so momentous that it will change my life forever . Shortly after the last post , while raking , Hubs stumbled upon a nest of wasps . In their anger , they stung him 8 - 10 times in the back of his left shoulder . In his haste to pull off the shirt , he tweaked his tendonitis and damaged rotator cuff . This meant a week of taking him to the doctor and MRIs and x - rays . Next stop will be orthopedist because we fear that stings have exacerbated damage that we have ignored for many years . As we were coming to terms with all of that , we were also awaiting the birth of the grandson . Babygirl came home for her 20th birthday , and we took her out for a family dinner . Shenanigans came too and she broke the news that she had been having contractions for the past 24 hours . We were so excited . Son1 had even been running errands and doing his soccer coaching with her emergency bag in the back of his car ! Two days after dinner , we got a call that she was at the hospital . Oh the excitement ! ! It was 6 : 30am . I rushed to shower and change . Hubs rushed to get a job started so that he could be available when it was time for us to go to the hospital . The phone rang at 11 . The doctor was sending Shenanigans home because she wasn 't quite done baking . The adrenaline crash was maddening . The following days were spent making sure that the house was clean , that laundry was done and meals were ready in anticipation of a sudden day spent with Son1 . Doctor visits occurred on Tuesday and Thursday and still , the doctor said she wasn 't ready . Thursday 's appointment even included pre - op forms to prepare for inducing labor on Halloween . I was sitting home on Friday , relaxing with a book and a cup of coffee . It was cooling off and the weathermen were calling for snow - IN OCTOBER ! What a rare occurrence ! The phone rang at 3 , dragging me from the book . Son1 was heading to the hospital straight from work . Shenanigans had gone to the hospital at noon and didn 't call anyone until she had made sure that it was time . This time , her water had broken and things were starting to progress . I called Hubs , texted Babygirl and Son2 and by 5 , I was headed to the hospital . Jazzy had been in school when her mom left the house . She was with her Pop - Pop and was waiting for word about her new brother . We raced to get her through the rain which had started , past our own home , to Son1 's house . She jumped into the car , and told us how excited she was . And then I got a text . We made our way back to the nursery and signed in . We were ushered to a room where we found my son , cradling his own son in his arms . He looked at me and tears began streaming down his cheeks . " He 's beautiful Mommy ! Jazzy , come see your brother ! " I beheld a perfect little boy , his eyes wide and alert . His head turned to follow my son 's voice as he moved around the room . Shenanigans was glowing , even in her discomfort and exhaustion . The love in the room was almost overwhelming . With a great effort , we dragged ourselves away to leave the little family to bond together . Snow had begun in earnest and it would continue for the next ten hours . We went to dinner to celebrate and have a few drinks . As we sat at the bar , one of our favorite bartenders came over and said " I haven 't seen you guys in a while . What 's new ? " And then it happened …… .
|
Tagsfiction , life , love , relationships , short story , Thoughts , writing I sat outside the club contemplating if I was going in or not . It was only 15 minutes ago when my friend Tianna texted a picture of my boyfriend hugged up with some other girl . While I was sitting at home , laying in our bed alone , my man Damion was out disrespecting me . I was tired after a long day as a nurse but I was tired of him doing this to me . Why won 't he just do right ? I finally got out of the car , heading to the door of the club . I paid the entrance fee ; $ 10 was a small price to pay to catch him in the act . I scanned the club and saw Tianna first . " Savannah , girl , " Tianna started . " I can 't believe this dude ! Still out here entertaining these hoes after everything you 've done for him ! And he knows I 'm here . Hell , he even spoke to me ! " I heard Tianna but I continued to scan the club looking for him . I finally spotted him sitting near the dance floor with some skank with long weave sitting on his lap . I maneuvered my way through the crowd until I was standing right in front of them . At first he didn 't see me because he was rubbing all over her thighs and whispering in her ear . When he finally saw me , he stood up abruptly , almost knocking Pocahontas on the ground . " I can 't show out but you can be all in public with your little hoes ? Shut up ! " I felt my tears building but I promised myself I wouldn 't cry . Once we got outside , Damion tried to speak but I slapped him as hard as I could . He chuckled a little bit as he rubbed his face . " Yo Vannah . Chill out with that . " " DAMION , I HATE YOU ! ! WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME ? WHY DO YOU TREAT ME LIKE THIS ? " I yelled , tears falling . So much for not crying . " Look . Just go home . I 'll be right behind you . We 'll talk at home , " he promised quietly . He grabbed me and hugged me while I cried . He was trying to calm me down and right now , it was working . " Damion , I just don 't understand . Why do you do this to me ? What about Dallas ? Are you even thinking about what you 're doing to our son ? He walked me to my car and kissed me so gently , I started to cry harder . He broke the kiss so I could get in the car . " I 'll be there in a few minutes , baby . We 'll talk at home . " And with that , I drove home confident that Damion could explain what I saw . I knew he didn 't want to hurt me but … maybe I made him cheat . My grandma always told me that a man doesn 't want a nagging woman . Maybe I nag him too much . But I just want him to be great . I push him to do more with the kids , at work , and maybe even going to school to get a degree . He 's told me he doesn 't want to work at the plant forever ; I 'm just trying to encourage him . But maybe he sees it as nagging . I make it home and sit on the sofa waiting for Damion . A few minutes pass and my phone chirps with a text message notification . It 's from Tianna . My heart drops when I open the picture message : It was a picture of Pocahontas grinding on my man on the dance floor . Tears flood my eyes and I drop my head , cursing my stupidity . I don 't even call Damion . I just curl up in a ball and cry myself to sleep . A few days later , I am pleasantly surprised with roses from Damion at work . After the incident at the club , he 's been nothing but apologetic and sweet to me . He 's even being doing more with our 5 - year - old son , Dallas . I know he 's not perfect but show me a man that is . I have to admit that Damion has his fair share of flaws and I know people wondered how someone like me ended up with someone like Damion . Just because he doesn 't have degrees doesn 't mean he doesn 't deserve to be happy . We don 't have to make the same amount of money for us to be compatible . He doesn 't make a lot of money at his job plus he pays child support for his other two kids so he can 't contribute to our household financially . But he takes care of home in other ways : he makes sure my car is washed , my grass is cut , he takes Dallas to the barbershop and sometimes he even cooks for me . Love is all about balance , right ? When Damion and I started dating six years ago , he was everything that I ever wanted in a man . He was so different than my ex - boyfriend ; it was so refreshing to be with a real man . He was sweet , caring , funny and he did all the little things that I never knew I needed . He was a different kind of man and I fell in love with him quickly . After a long day , he was there to rub my feet . He made posts about me on social media . Sent me to get pedicures . He was a father to our son . When my daddy died , he was right there with me , helping me cope . The longer we were together , the little things were few and far between . But I could tell he was trying to make it right again . He really didn 't have good role models growing up and being in a committed relationship wasn 't something he saw with his mama . Damion was taught by his uncles and cousins that men cannot be with one woman . I 've been showing him for years that I 'm the only woman he needs ; I think he finally understands those other women are just flings and I 'm the one that loves him . Even if he doesn 't always know how to show it , I know Damion loves me . I make it through my shift and can 't wait to get home to my guys . I clocked out , grabbed my flowers and headed to my car . I smiled the entire time I drove home . When I pulled into my driveway , I saw my mama 's car and my son Dallas outside playing with my nephew . What 's she doing here ? It was then I noticed his car wasn 't in the driveway . My mind went into overdrive as to why Damion didn 't pick up his son from his after school program . He was off today . Sighing deeply , I wondered where my boyfriend could be . I opened my front door to let my mama in and placed my roses on my kitchen counter . I called Damion but he didn 't answer for me either . I shot him a text but after a few minutes , he hadn 't returned my text . My mama gave me a knowing look . She didn 't care for Damion at all and she let it be known every chance she got . " Mama , I know what you 're going to say . So don 't . I know you don 't like him , but I love him and I need you to respect that . " I wasn 't in the mood for her lecture . " I don 't care what you want to hear , " she announced while grabbing her purse . " But any man that doesn 't consider his kids ain 't fit to lay his head in YOUR house . I 'll be glad when you wise up and leave his ass . He only does all this stuff cause you let him . " " Ok mama . I 'll take Amari home since he 's still playing with Dallas . " I knew she would enjoy a break from my nephew until my sister got off . " I 'm just saying , Savannah . This man isn 't doing a damn thing for you and you 're holding on for love . But whatever , you 're grown . Do what you want . " After my mama left , Damion still hadn 't text me back or called . I had no idea where he was . I took Dallas and Amari to McDonald 's for dinner because sitting at home was going to drive me crazy . I was looking at my son and nephew but I was completely zoned out . Once again , I was questioning what I was doing wrong for Damion to him to treat me like this . I dropped my nephew off at my sister 's house and headed back home . Dallas was knocked out and even though it was past his bed time , I rode around town trying to look for Damion 's car . I checked some of the clubs and bars he frequented but he wasn 't there . I also went to some apartment complexes I 've caught him at before but I had no such luck . An hour later , I still hadn 't heard from Damion and I called him at least 50 times . Defeated , I headed home . My mama 's words were playing in my head over and over . Why wouldn 't he just do right ? As Dallas and I were getting out of the car , Damion pulled up . He didn 't even speak to me , just came over to the car and got Dallas out of his booster seat . I was fuming mad but I was trying not to fuss , even though he deserved it . Damion put Dallas to bed and then plopped down on the sofa with a beer . I tried to let it go , but I couldn 't . I lost it . " You didn 't even work today ! " I yelled . " How the hell did you have a long day ? Where have you been ? Why didn 't you pick up Dallas from his after - school program ? Where the hell have you been ? " I fired off so many question Damion didn 't have time to answer a single one . " You know what ? " He jumped up and put on his shoes . " This is why I stay gone all the time . When I 'm home you don 't do anything but complain and fuss . And I guess those flowers I sent today didn 't mean anything . You are a real piece of work , Savannah . " Damion walked out the door but not before pushing my vase of roses on the ground , causing the glass to shatter everywhere . With tears stinging my eyes , I cleaned up the mess , throwing my flowers away . I sat down in the same spot he was just sitting in , my head bowed in disbelief . I was so tired of him treating me this way . I took care of him and our family . I stayed though the mess , lies and cheating . I stayed when he had a baby two years ago . I stayed when he had baby mama drama . I stayed when he got locked up for drunk driving . I helped him get his license back . I helped take care of his older son . I have shown him that I am loyal and that I loved him but he still treated me like I was nothing . It was almost like he didn 't believe I loved him . " Vannah , you know how men are . They don 't love us the same way we love them . I 'm sure he loves you . Men just don 't know how to show it . " Tianna sighed heavily into the phone as if I was out of the loop on the mind of men . " Men are gonna be men . This is what they do . But men want somewhere to call home and that 's what he has with you and Dallas . He always comes back home , right ? " I thought for a second at her logic and it made sense but sounded stupid at the same time . Damion told me he stayed away from home so much because I fussed too much . But just as Tianna said , he always came back home . Maybe he really did want to be a family with Dallas and I but emotionally , I couldn 't keep going through this . I hung up with Tianna and sat in silence for a few minutes . Tianna 's stupid logic started to make sense . There 's nothing wrong with having a conversation , right ? I picked up my phone again and found Aaron 's phone number . Instead of calling , I decided to text . Instead of responding , Aaron called me . He told me texting was so impersonal and he preferred to call . We spent the next 2 hours talking and laughing , something I haven 't done in a really long time . I felt good to laugh instead of argue , to talk instead of cry . When my phone beeped that I was on 15 % , I told Aaron I had to go . Even though I was off tomorrow , I had to get Dallas up and ready for school . I went to my bedroom thinking about the conversation I just had with Aaron . We talked about everything under the sun and it was so refreshing . Damion and I have never had a conversation like that . Before I fell asleep , I already made up my mind I was going to lunch with Aaron . For the past two months , I have been struggling to maintain a relationship with both Damion and Aaron . Even though I hated to admit it , Tianna 's advice was right ; while Damion was out doing his own thing , I had time to play as well . It was getting harder though because I was catching feelings for Aaron . He kept me laughing . He spent time with me . I was guaranteed to have a good time when I was with him . He listened to me . He was everything I needed Damion to be . And it wasn 't all about the sex . Even though sex with Aaron was great , I loved spending time with him . It was Friday night and as usual , Damion was out . Since I had Aaron to talk to , I didn 't trip as much as I used to . I don 't think he even noticed . I didn 't have a sitter so Aaron and I talked on the phone . He wanted to come over but since I didn 't know where Damion was going , I didn 't know when he would be back . Aaron didn 't mind , we just talked on the phone until I fell asleep . I woke up to Damion yelling , at who , I don 't know . I sat up in the bed completely disoriented . I was horrified to see Damion on my phone , yelling at Aaron . " I don 't care about all that . Don 't call my girl no more ! " Damion threw my phone on the bed , his eyes cutting daggers at me . I was still sitting on the bed in complete shock . Was he really pissed at me ? After all the crap I dealt with ? All the women ? All the lies ? A whole baby ? I called Tianna to let her know what happened and she assured me that Damion would be back . Even though she was probably right , I wasn 't so sure if I wanted him to come back . Now that Aaron was in my life , I didn 't have to deal with Damion and his disrespect . I hung up with Tianna and called Aaron back . He didn 't answer , probably assuming it was Damion calling . I left a voicemail and he called right back . Now I was confused . Aaron knew about the hell I 'd gone through with my boyfriend . He was the one that told me that I was too smart and beautiful to accept his bull shit in the name of love . Now he was asking why don 't I want to work it out ? " Maybe this is what I needed to finally get away from him . I can move on with my life and be with someone that respects me , someone that thinks I 'm beautiful . " I was trying to be subtle but I hoped he understood what I was suggesting . Aaron was quiet on the phone . Maybe he was just a little nervous about starting a relationship so soon after I broke up with Damion . I didn 't mind to wait for him to see things between Damion and I were really over . " Savannah , I 'm gonna be honest with you , " Aaron began . " I thought we were just having fun . I wasn 't looking for a relationship . Don 't get me wrong , you 're cool as hell but I didn 't think this was anything serious . " I was floored , stunned into silence . As his words registered with me , the tears began to fall from my eyes . He sent good morning texts . He bought my lunch at work . He inadvertently met Dallas when I saw him at the store one day and he asked about him when we talked . How was this not serious to him ? " What do you mean you thought we were just having fun ? You took me out . We talked all the time . We laughed . We had sex . All that was just fun for you ? " " So when you made love to me , that meant what ? When you called me beautiful , that meant what ? When I caught feelings for you , what did that mean , Aaron ? " I was livid . " Listen . I didn 't mean to mislead you . I thought we were on the same page . You had a man so I knew what you needed me for . I didn 't know you had feelings . " Aaron sounded remorseful . " You know what ? " I prepared to go off again but decided it against it . After Damion 's temper tantrum and Aaron admitting he used me , I was drained . " Just go to hell Aaron . And leave me alone ! " I ended the call and went to the bathroom to take a shower . Surely a hot shower would clear my mind . After my shower , I got in the bed and tried to sort out my thoughts . Well what am I going to do now ? The day he walked out of our house , my heart broke into a million pieces and I never knew I could hurt so bad . Him leaving took a piece of my soul and I could not function . Fortunately , I was off the next three days so I didn 't have to struggle to pretend I was ok . But at home ? Dallas called my sister to come pick him up because I could not get out of bed and he was tired of eating cereal . " Are you really going to lay in bed all day ? " my sister Mariah asked me . " If you want him back , go get him . You know how men are … . they can 't take it but they can dish it out . Believe me , now that he knows you will cheat , he will do right . They can 't stand to see their women out doing what they do . " My sister 's dysfunctional advice made sense in my depression . Most of my life , I saw my mama fight for love and my grandma before her . I 'd been taught that men are men and cheating was just a part of relationships . As Tianna told me , if he comes back home , why am I stressing it ? I 'm the main chick , his number one , the one he loves . What were these other women getting from him ? A 4 for $ 4 from Wendy 's ? 30 minutes of borrowed time ? What was that worth ? I was the one that fed every part of him , mind , body and soul . What he had with them wasn 't anything to worry about ; Damion loved ME . Aaron was a huge mistake and I wanted nothing more to do with him . Well I decided this after I 'd tried to call and inbox him a few times but didn 't get a reply from him . It was for the best though ; I was meant to be with Damion and our son . We were a family . After listening to my sister , my energy was renewed . I was going to get my man back , no matter what . I picked up my phone and texted him that Dallas didn 't feel well and he was whining to see his dad . I didn 't feel bad for lying so I added that I would probably have to take him to the ER if he didn 't feel any better . I took a gamble using my son like this but I knew Damion wouldn 't come just for me . I was surprised he texted me back and told me he would be here in 30 minutes . I tried not to get too excited but I knew he only agreed because being at his mama 's house wasn 't where he wanted to be . Eight people in a three - bedroom apartment wasn 't ideal for anyone . But it didn 't matter to me . Whatever got him over here . I hopped in the shower to shave , scrub and lather my skin . Damion wasn 't going to know what hit him . After my shower , I lotioned my skin with my favorite bath and body works lotion and put on a matching black and red bra and panty set . I slipped on my 6 inch black heels and waited for him to arrive . This was one of his favorite things to see me in and I was going to show him everything he needed was right here . A few days later , Damion officially moved back home . After I seduced him into forgiving me , I apologized profusely and begged for his forgiveness . The way he made love to me proved that this was real love . I felt so connected to Damion that I cried . I told him that I know I messed up but if he took me back , he would never have to worry about that again . What surprised me the most was Damion apologized for hurting me , too . I just knew we were on our way to having the type of relationship I 'd always dreamed about . I hoped that in the next year , I would become Mrs . Damion King . Damion really turned things around and I was happier than I 'd ever been . Even though I didn 't need him to , he started giving me money to pay the light bill . He was also at home more often and spent more time with Dallas and his other kids . I even relented and let his youngest child come over to play with his brother . Damion was doing everything I needed him to do and then some . I guess my sister was right ; my little affair made Damion realize what he was doing wrong . Whatever the reason , I didn 't care . I was just happy that my man was back home . Damion and I were laying in the bed on Tuesday night when I had the bright idea to go out of town for the weekend . Even though things were going great between us , I really wanted to spend some alone time with him . He agreed and we sat in bed looking for hotels in Jacksonville on my tablet . As we were narrowing down our options , I got a messenger notification from Aaron . My heart dropped into my stomach as I tried to exit out before he saw it . I had no such luck . " Hey … sorry , just now seeing your messages . I don 't get on here often . Are you ok ? I 'm sorry again , " he read out loud . I was thankful that he didn 't say anything more and I am glad I erased my previous messages to him . " YOU WORK WITH THIS DUDE ? " he yelled at me . I forgot I never told him Aaron and I were co - workers . I sat silently , trying to figure out what I needed to say . " I can 't believe you Savannah . Someone from work ? Someone that you have to see on the regular ? And you 're still talking to him ? " " Damion , no . I don 't have to see him . He 's an X - Ray technician . I only see him occasionally . But he 's been avoiding me so we don 't talk . I let him know that it was over and he accepted that . " Hearing him admit he slept with other women made me cringe but I 'd never admit he hit the nail on the head with Aaron . " Are you serious ? You can 't be . You know what , " I began but decided against an argument . " Let 's just find our hotel for the weekend . I don 't want to argue . I thought we were past all this . " Damion was now looking for his shoes and I freaked out . I jumped up and tried to stop him from putting them on . He pushed me on the bed and when I saw his clenched fists , I knew better than to stop him . " I thought we were past it , too . But your little boyfriend is still trying to get with you . " Damion put on his shoes and a shirt and walked out of our bedroom . " Don 't wait up . I 'm sure you 'll find someone , I mean something to occupy your time . " I was too upset to cry but I was so damn mad . At Damion . At Aaron . At myself . Everyone . I hadn 't talked to Tianna in a second but I needed to vent . She answered on the second ring . I let her know the situation and as expected , she responded in true Tianna fashion . " Doesn 't matter . Men can 't handle it , " she reasoned , leaving me completely unsatisfied with her logic . " I gotta go . I 'm having company later . " She abruptly hung up , leaving me to try to sort out what the hell happened between Damion and I . My mind was in overload and I was too tired to keep trying to understand the logic of men . I was just drifting off to sleep when my phone chimed with a picture message from Tianna . For the second time tonight , my heart fell into my stomach . Her face only fairly visible but I could tell she was smirking . Her caption sent me over the edge : Ain 't no fun when the rabbit got the gun . I told you men can 't handle it . She had the audacity to add a smiley face to the end , like she just didn 't confess that she is sleeping with my man . All logic ceased to exist . I hopped up , threw on some jeans and tennis shoes and headed out to my car . I forgot all about Dallas and went back in the house to get him . I placed him in the back seat and drove like a bat out of hell to Tianna 's house . The drive should have taken me about fifteen minutes ; I think I got there in five . Some of Tianna 's neighbors came out the door to watch the show but I was beyond the point of caring . I continued to beat on the door and yell but Tianna wouldn 't come to the door . " TIANNA OPEN THIS DAMN DOOR ! YOU WERE SO BIG AND BAD SENDING ME THIS PICTURE ! ! OPEN THE GOT DAMN DOOR ! ! " The door opened with a flourish and I started swinging . I don 't even know who I was hitting but I felt myself flying backwards , hitting the door jamb hard . Instead of Tianna , I had been hitting Damion . " Fixing a dryer my ass ! She sent me the picture of you sleeping in her bed ! " I was up on him again , hitting him as I yelled . Damion was trying his best to avoid my blows but he couldn 't really defend himself . Just then Tianna came out of her bedroom and tried to push me out her house . Equally mad at her , I stopped fighting Damion and tried to beat the hell out of her . I wasn 't a fighter but right now , my rage was taking control and I knew I was hitting some part of her body but I had no idea what . Suddenly , I was pulled off her and pulled outside by two police officers . I didn 't even hear them come up . Tianna tried to run up on me outside , but Damion held her back . I could see that her nose was bloody and one of her eyes was swollen shut . I was trying to run back to where she was but the officers grabbed me again . " SHUT THE HELL UP ! YOU ' RE SUPPOSED TO BE MY FRIEND BUT YOU ' RE SLEEPING WITH MY MAN ! I HATE YOU ! I HATE YOU BOTH ! ! " I broke down on the ground crying . Tianna was trying to come at me but Damion kept her away from me . " Ma ' am do you want me to arrest you , too ? " the officer yelled with authority . One of the officers picked me up and put me in the back of the police car . It was then I remembered Dallas in my car . " My son … my baby ! " I cried . " He 's in the car ! " I sobbed . I pointed to my car , which was still running and was relieved to see that Dallas was still fast asleep . It was time for Damion to cut the fool . In a flash , I was out of the back seat and almost at Damion but the officer grabbed me by my waist and pulled me back . I tried to break free but the officer was too strong . I was pretty much hysterical by now and there was nothing they could do to calm me down . Next thing I know , I 'm in the back seat again and the door is closed . I see one of the officers handing Dallas off to Damion while I 'm balling in the back seat . I couldn 't believe I was about to go to jail ! The officers drive off with me sobbing in the back seat . They had absolutely no sympathy for how hard I was crying . I imagined they saw things like this on the regular . At the police station , I was booked , finger printed , and officially charged with two counts of battery . All I could think about was what why Damion did me like this . Of all the women in the world , he went and slept with my friend . Tianna wasn 't any better . She was feeding me all that mess trying to get my man and I played right into it . After the cell doors closed , I thought about Dallas . Then it dawned on me that I could potentially lose my nursing license . Thinking about how bad I messed up my life , I cried harder . I was finally given my one phone call and I called my sister to let her know what happened . " I don 't need your money ! Hell , you owe me money now ! I have the money . I just need you to come get me . " I could hear Mariah laughing at me . " Girl , you won 't be getting out tonight . I 'll find out what time you 'll see the judge tomorrow . Damn Savannah , I had plans tomorrow ! " As the realization that I had to spend a night in jail hit me , my tears started again . I cried so much tonight , my head was hurting . My sister tried to comfort me but there was nothing she could say . I knew I messed up bad . As I lay on the smelly , thin mattress in the holding cell , I evaluated how I got here . I loved Damion more than anything in the world and I couldn 't understand why he treated me like this . I literally took care of him . I paid all our bills . I cooked . I kept our house clean . I took care of our son . I accepted his other child . I dealt with his bullshit . Why doesn 't he want me ? What 's wrong with me ? It wasn 't just Damion though . Every man I ever dated treated me like crap . No matter what I did . No matter how much money I spent on them . No matter what I overlooked . No matter what I accepted . No matter what I put up with . Sexually , I gave into whatever they wanted , even if I wasn 't comfortable doing it . I did everything I could to make them happy , yet and still , I ended up alone . I hated being single . I hated being alone . I hated seeing other people happy while my love life fell apart time after time . I was smart , educated , dependable , loyal , sexy and submissive . I was the perfect woman . They just didn 't want me and I didn 't know why . I didn 't know what I was going to do but I knew Damion and I were over . There was nothing he could do to make me take him back . It was so unfair that I was the one that loved him but I was the only one in jail . Damion and Tianna were probably having the time of their lives now that I was locked up and couldn 't stop them . What did Tianna have that I didn 't ? What did Damion see in her ? Did she come on to him or did he try to get at her ? And poor Dallas . He was going to wake up in the morning with so many questions . My mind continued to wander in self - pity until I was mentally exhausted . I was tired but too tired to go to sleep . I just wanted all of this to be over . A month later , I felt like my life was finally getting back on track . After I got out of jail , I was placed on probation , which was basically paying money . I was able to keep my job by paying off my probation early . I really hated to part with that much money over some mess . Mess that I shouldn 't have had to deal with in the first place . Now , I was a single mother with a criminal record while my baby daddy laid up with my ex - friend . My life was like some ratchet reality TV show . Tianna began posting pictures of her and Damion on social media to pick at me but I deleted my accounts . I couldn 't deal with it . Even though I wasn 't anywhere near 100 % , I wasn 't as depressed as I was when I got out of jail . I had to take a week - long vacation to try to cope with the shit storm that my life became . Dallas had to stay with my mama ; I could hardly take care of myself , much less my son . " I told you he wasn 't fit to lay his head in your house . Guess you had to learn the hard way , " my mama told me . My mama was never one to hold her tongue . She was also not the empathetic kind of mama either . I 'd seen my mama change men like she changed her underwear ; when one did her wrong , she had another one lined up . I hadn 't talked to Damion , not even for Dallas ' sake . I had my locks changed . He called and I ignored his calls every time . He texted me and I deleted the texts as soon as they came in . I blocked his number and every number he contacted me from . I really didn 't want to be that kind of baby mama but I was becoming that kind of baby mama . I hated him and I didn 't want to have anything to do with him . Not even when it came to his son . On Friday afternoon , I was hiding out in the lounge avoiding having to do any work . I was tired because I hadn 't slept well since I got out of jail . I was thinking about taking melatonin because I needed to sleep more than 2 - 3 hours a night . I was playing a game on my phone when a phone call interrupted my momentary reprieve from life . I didn 't recognize the number and I almost didn 't answer it , fearing it was Damion . I think he finally got the hint that I wasn 't going to talk to him . " Ok good . As soon as you can , I need you to come to the health department to be tested . I received your name from someone that listed you as a sexual partner . " I hung up the phone and walked out of work . I didn 't even tell anyone where I was going . In a fog , I drove across town to the health department , mind racing with the possible diseases I could have . I couldn 't believe that on top of everything else , I had to deal with something that could potentially kill me . When I made it to the health department , I asked for Tiffany and almost immediately I was taken to the back . Waiting for the results of my STD test was the most nerve racking thing I ever experienced . I planned my funeral in my head so many times , I was on the verge of writing it all down so my mama didn 't have to worry about the details . Thinking about my son growing up without me scared me to death . I don 't know how I made it through my days waiting for Tiffany from the health department to call me . I kept my phone on me at all times because I was too afraid to miss her call . I didn 't tell anyone I was possibly infected because … well , I am embarrassed . I loved Damion to death and everyone knew it . Everyone except him . I gave him everything he could ever need and yet he still needed to be with other women . I felt stupid because I knew he cheated and we still didn 't use condoms . I assumed he used condoms when he cheated , especially after he had another son two years ago . But here I am , waiting for my phone to ring to know my fate . On Friday , I took Dallas to school and since I was off , I treated myself to breakfast at IHOP . If I went back home , I would just lie in bed and try to will my phone to ring . It felt good to do something so simple for myself . I was so busy trying to be Damion 's everything that I neglected myself . I couldn 't remember the last time I read a book for pleasure or got a pedicure . My every waking moment was dedicated to Damion . Making sure he was satisfied , trying to make sure he didn 't cheat . A lot of good that did . I also realized that in my quest to love Damion as much as I could , I wasn 't the best mother to my son . I allowed him to see me being disrespected by his punk ass daddy . Luckily , he was young and he probably didn 't realize what was going on but still , I had to do better . I was lost in my thoughts when my phone rang . I jumped when I saw it was Tiffany calling me . I answered immediately , preparing myself for the worst news . " I 'm fine , " I answered shortly . Since I was in public , I couldn 't just blurt out so do I have syphilis or not ? Instead , I had to be patient as she tried to make small talk with me . " Great ! We got your results back and you tested negative for everything , including HIV . I would just recommend getting tested with your annual pap smear or more often if you experience any symptoms . Also , using condoms greatly diminishes the opportunity to contract STDs but they are not guaranteed to prevent the spread of any diseases . " We ended the call and with that huge weight lifted off me , I felt brand new . I wiped my eyes and finished my breakfast , feeling more alive than I ever have . Since I was off this weekend , I was going on a Savannah - cation . I settled on Atlanta because even though it wasn 't that far away , I would have plenty to do . I called my sister to see if she would keep Dallas for me this weekend and she only agreed when I told her I would pay her . I had no intention of paying her because she still owed me money . She would find that out when I got back Sunday . At home I packed an overnight bag for Dallas and I . I found a hotel I liked in downtown Atlanta and made my reservation . I dropped Dallas ' bag off at my mama 's house . I told her I was going to Atlanta for the weekend and as usual , she complained about what I was doing . She didn 't believe I was going alone . " You done found a new man already , huh ? " she asked with a smirk . I told her again there was no new man and I was treating myself . She rolled her eyes at me as if it was unheard of for a woman to spend a weekend alone . I let her think what she wanted and left to fill up my car before heading out . The drive up was uneventful until I got just outside the city and traffic picked up . I didn 't understand how people dealt with this day in and day out but for the weekend , I was going to be all up in it . I made it to my hotel at check in time because of the traffic . I thought people would have still been at work , but since it was the weekend , people were out and about . I planned to be one of them as soon as I got checked in . As I got settled in my room , I reveled in the fact that I had a whole weekend to do whatever I wanted . I remembered seeing a post a few weeks ago that a woman that cut her hair was determined to change her life . Quickly , I made up my mind that I was going to cut my hair . Under my weave , my hair was natural but I found out I wasn 't about that natural life . Having to go to work so early and get my son ready for school didn 't leave me much time to tackle this mess . I found a natural hair salon with great reviews . One stylist , Cree , was highly recommended . I found her social media page and liked her work . She made a post earlier today about having openings this afternoon so I called the salon to book her . She told me she had a client to cancel so she was available now . Without giving myself time to change my mind , I headed out the door . My GPS estimated I had about a 30 - minute drive , traffic included . I had no idea what I was going to get done to my hair but I knew I needed something different . When I arrived at the salon , I was taken to Cree immediately . I told her I needed something easy because I was a nurse and a single mother . She told me she had the perfect style for me . She showed me pictures of some tapered cuts and I fell in love . I 'd seen women rock their hair like this but never felt brave enough to do it . She went to work and we chit chatted about life . As my hair fell to the ground , I felt free . When she spun my chair around , I was so surprised at what I saw in the mirror . I had the perfect hair texture for this cut ; my sides were cut low but the length on the top was super curly . Not only was my hair fierce , but I didn 't look like Damion 's girl or Dallas ' mama ; I looked like a new woman . Cree showed me the products she used and gave me some tips on caring for my hair . She convinced me to get my eyebrows threaded to compliment my new look . She took a couple of photos before I left for her social media pages . I was now ready to enjoy my weekend . I planned to sleep , eat and shop . I planned to celebrate my life , my singleness and my freedom . After all , loving Damion almost killed me . Monday morning I went back to work feeling like a million bucks . It was amazing what alone time and a new hair cut could do . My co - workers complimented me and for the first time in my adult life , I was happy . It was not lost on me that I was extremely happy without a man . For most of my life , I thought I had to be in a relationship to be happy but now I saw that being alone was a thousand times better than dealing with the bullshit I went through with Damion . I hate that it took me so long to get to this point , but better late than never , right ? Aaron : It wasn 't like that . I just know how relationships can be . We start kicking it and next thing I know , you 're back with your man . Come on , it 's just lunch , nothing more . Me : No , I 'm good . Thanks though . Aaron : So there 's no changing your mind ? After work , I finally saw Aaron . The way he looked at me reminded me of all the nights he made love to me . I hadn 't even thought about sex since going to jail and thinking I contracted an STD . Seeing Aaron weakened me . But just for a second . I pulled myself together and headed to pick up my son . At my mama 's house , I cringed when I saw Damion 's car parked in her drive way . He usually came to see Dallas at my mama 's house because I wouldn 't let him come to mine . Instead of getting out of the car , I texted my mama to send Dallas out . I didn 't want to see Damion . I still loved him but at the same time , I hated his guts . If he disappeared today , I wouldn 't care . Instead of Dallas coming out alone , Damion walked him to the car . He did a double take when he saw my hair . " Thanks , " I replied dryly . I avoided eye contact as Dallas got in the car and gave me kiss . " Hey baby boy . How was school today ? " " Alright , son . Be good . I 'll see you later . " He buckled Dallas in and turned his attention to me . " You 're looking good , baby ! " " I 'm not your baby , " I replied coldly and rolled my eyes . He reluctantly closed the door and I drove off , leaving him standing there staring . Dallas told me all about his school day on our way home . I was half listening because seeing Damion made my blood boil . How dare he speak to me like he didn 't almost give me a disease ! I never knew I could hate someone so much . I knew it wasn 't fair to Dallas but I really didn 't want him anywhere near my son or me . It wasn 't realistic but anger very rarely relies on logic . At home , I went over Dallas ' home work and played with him in his room . I knew I needed to be more intentional about the time I spent with him now that Damion wasn 't here anymore . Dallas loved the extra attention and I felt bad that I neglected him because I was too busy running after his daddy . Just as I was putting him to bed , my phone rang . It was a number I didn 't recognize so I knew it was Damion . I ignored the call . He called me two more times and I continued to hit ignore . I didn 't have anything good to say to him . The next couple of days , Damion continued to call me from unknown numbers and started leaving voicemails when I didn 't answer . His messages started out calm but he escalated to yelling that I need to call him back . I stopped listening to the messages and just started deleting . I noticed that Damion was calling in the middle of the day when he should have been at work . I wondered if he still had a job . It wasn 't my concern anymore so I didn 't waste too much of my time worrying about him . " Are you serious right now ? Please tell me you 're joking ! " I groaned , as an instant headache hit me . " I gave you years of my life . I did everything I could for you . I took care of you our entire relationship and what did I get in return ? Lies , bullshit and you almost compromised my health with a damn STD ! " In a flash , Damion 's hands were around my neck . I tried to fight him off but his grip was too strong . I struggled with him for a minute before kneeing him in the groin . He dropped to the ground and I ran to my car . I started it up and backed out of the parking space with Damion still groaning on the ground . I drove to my mama 's house in shock that Damion just attacked me like that . What 's wrong with him ? He 's a lot of things but violent isn 't one of them . I got to my mama 's house and ran in to get Dallas . I didn 't even turn my car off . All I wanted to do was get my baby and go home . I didn 't tell my mama what happened because she wouldn 't care either way . Dallas talked to me all the way home and while he was a good distraction , I was still a little on edge from Damion choking me . At home , Dallas and I were lying in my bed watching TV . I was so glad I started spending more quality time with him because it seemed like every day he was getting bigger . Soon he wouldn 't be my baby boy any more . Dallas fell asleep and I carried him to his bed . I was just turning off the hall light when I heard a knock on my door . I knew it had to be Damion . I looked out the window and sure enough , his car was in the drive way . He continued to bang on the door but I refused to go to the door . This man is out of his mind ! The banging stopped and I was relieved that Damion realized I wasn 't coming to the door . Suddenly , I heard a loud crash that made me scream . I heard glass shattering and then Damion 's voice . " Savannah ! Where the hell are you ? " I tried to run to Dallas ' room but Damion caught me before I got there . He grabbed me and threw me against the wall . He had a crazed look in his eyes and he smelled like he had drunk a whole bottle of vodka . Damion lifted his shirt and pulled out a gun . I started crying , but I was too afraid to scream . " I 'm not letting you go Savannah . So stop ignoring me . You love me and you have my son so I 'm coming back home . " I was too afraid to respond . I wanted to just agree with him to calm him down but I couldn 't . I 'd watched a million and one Lifetime movies and I always said what I wouldn 't do . Now that I was in a real life and death situation , my logic wasn 't intact . Damion looked at me with contempt before hitting me in the face with the butt of the gun . He took off running as I fell down in pain . My right eye was throbbing and it was already beginning to swell shut . I knew Damion was going out of the back door so I stumbled to front door to let the police in . They searched for him but he was nowhere to be found . His car was still in my driveway so I had no idea how he got away . The officers took my statement and suggested that I take out a restraining order on him . They asked if I needed to go to the hospital . I looked at my face in the mirror and I declined because the skin wasn 't broken so I didn 't need stitches . However , I knew I wasn 't going to stay here tonight . I grabbed some toiletries and clothes for Dallas and I . I got him out of bed and I was thankful he was a heavy sleeper because I didn 't want him to see my eye tonight . The officers helped get him in the car . I backed out of my driveway and stopped . Where was I going ? Damion could easily come to my mama 's or my sister 's . Shit ! I decided to just go to a hotel tonight but suddenly , Aaron popped in my mind . I was too afraid to be alone right now so I didn 't even try to talk myself out of it . I drove across town to his apartment complex , got Dallas out the car and grabbed our bag . I started crying . " Damion broke into my house and attacked me . I didn 't know where else to go . I 'm scared to be alone . I 'm sorry . " He took my son from my arms and carried him to his other bedroom . I plopped down on his sofa totally deflated . Aaron went to his kitchen and got a bag of frozen peas for my eye . I told him everything that happened today . I kept checking my phone hoping the police called to tell me they caught Damion . Hearing myself tell this story seemed surreal . How did I get in this situation ? Aaron looked uncomfortable , almost like he wished he hadn 't brought it up . " No judgment from me . Life happens and unfortunately things like this happen when you deal with someone like your baby daddy . " He sighed heavily before continuing . " My mama and her mama are sisters . My mama called me a few weeks ago and told me Tianna finally caught something because she was taking a lot of medicine . My mama assumed she had HIV . Sad thing is , I wasn 't really surprised because Tianna has always been wild . I really don 't talk to her too much because he was always trying to get me to hook her up with my friends . Anyway , our grandma had a birthday dinner and one of our cousins said something about not wanting to sit by her because she has HIV . She blew up , correcting them that she didn 't have no damn HIV but she had syphilis . In the middle of my grandma 's dinner . It was so embarrassing . " A few days later , my mama told me she was in jail for fighting her boyfriend . My mama sent me a picture of the dude to see if I knew him and the picture she sent was of Damion and Dallas . When I realized who it was , I figured the reason you turned me down was because you were dealing with that . " I was blown away by his story . Tianna and I had been friends for a few years and I never met any of her family . I guess I see why now . I told Aaron that Damion and I broke up because his hoe ass cousin was sleeping with my man . And then it hit me : Aaron thought I had syphilis . " Wait , do you think I have syphilis ? " I asked incredulously . To be honest , it was a legitimate question , but the realization caught me off guard . " I know . I 'm kind of tired , " I told him avoiding eye contact . I imagined more people would assume I had an STD when they found out about Tianna and Damion . I just had to be prepared for this . I would probably have to go get a copy of my results to carry around with me . Aaron hung his head defeated and offered me his bed while he took the couch . When I stood up , he stood with me . He looked at me for a split second before leaning in to kiss me . Instantly , my mind took me back to the nights Aaron sent my body into orgasmic bliss . Then I remembered the way he shut me out . I pulled away from him breathing heavy . " Savannah , I know what you 're thinking . I know I messed up but I need you to understand my point of view . What would have happened if we started something and you would have gotten back with your dude ? I know I didn 't handle it right , but that 's what I was thinking about . " " It doesn 't really matter , " I started , still a little breathless from his kiss . " I 've had a lot of time to think and I know that I really just need to heal from Damion . He 's not even really gone . I just need to concentrate on me . " I was a little thrown off with his admission but I had to stand strong . If I wanted something different , I had to do something different . Even though I was in desperate need of the pleasure he was so skilled at providing . " We can be friends . I don 't know what that 's going to look like right now . I just need to get today off my mind . " A few weeks passed and even though I was at peace , I couldn 't really rest easy because Damion still hasn 't been located . He hasn 't tried to contact me and he hasn 't shown up at my house or my job . I did take out a restraining order . Maybe that opened his eyes and he realized he didn 't need to do anything stupid and end up in jail . Aaron was a really great guy and we were really getting to know each other . We slept together twice but I told him we didn 't need to confuse our friendship by adding sex . I know it was hard for him because it was hard for me , too . But I was still trying to untangle my heart from Damion . I had moments when I was happy , usually when I was with Aaron , but when I thought about the years I played his fool , I got upset at him but I was more so mad at myself . Spending time with Aaron showed me that not every guy has the same mentality as Damion or any of my other exes . It was refreshing to feel appreciated and not used . I had to rethink my definition of what love was . I spent so many years relying on love when love itself is not enough to make a relationship . I was just getting off work on Thursday when Aaron called to ask if I wanted to go to dinner . I smiled hard because I wasn 't used to this kind of treatment . We agreed to meet at the Waffle House because that was one of our favorite spots . I called mama to let her know I would be a little late getting Dallas . We had a great time , talking and laughing about work gossip . One thing that I loved about Aaron was how we were friends . I can 't say that I ever had this with anyone . Wait … did I say love ? I can 't be in love . Not already . I don 't know if I could call it love but , I definitely felt something . After we ate , we walked outside to our cars . He walked me to mine and before I got in , he kissed me so passionately . Kissing Aaron was great but it was getting to the point that kissing wasn 't enough . Aaron bent down to kiss me again . He stepped back and looked at me carefully as if he was looking for any sign that I might change my mind . Out of the corner of my eye , I saw someone walking towards us . By the time I realized it was Damion , it was too late . Aaron turned and Damion pulled out a gun . As three shots rang out , I felt a shooting pain in my shoulder . I fell to the ground and Aaron went down as well . I screamed for help and as Damion came closer to me , I felt another stinging pain in my stomach and then , everything went black . There were so many people moving around me . It looked like I was in a bland white room . Around me people talking in garbled voices , like they were in a bottle . I kept telling them I couldn 't understand them , but it seemed like they couldn 't hear me . It was the strangest dream I 'd ever had . I felt like I was having an out of body experience but I couldn 't make myself wake up . Maybe I just need to close my eyes and rest . I 'm very tired , for some reason . What seemed like hours later , I finally felt like I was in my own body . But … I hurt . Everywhere . As my eyes began to focus , I realized I was in a hospital bed . What is going on ? Why am I in the hospital ? Slowly , my memory started coming back . I remembered standing with Aaron , no … we were kissing and then Damion came up out of the blue . I remember shots , pain in my shoulder and stomach . Wait … did Damion shoot me ? And Aaron ? Oh God , where is Aaron ? " Aaron … Aaron … " I whispered to no one . " Savannah , Thank God you 're ok ! I was so worried ! " my mama exclaimed . I didn 't even see her in the room but I heard the concern in her voice . For the first time in my life , I saw my mama differently . She actually looked like she cared about me . When I was 14 , she almost put me out when I told her the man she was dating was making nasty comments to me . She accused me of trying to take her man and our relationship was never the same after that . My mama chose her man over me and that 's why I was so desperate for love . My mama had no idea who my daddy was and she never gave me the love I craved . I looked for men to give me what my parents should have . Now I was laying in the hospital because I loved the wrong man . " Savannah , he 's gone . After he shot you and that other guy , he ran . The police found him and he shot at them . He didn 't make it . " I was in shock . Damion was dead ? I know I said I wouldn 't care if anything happened to him but now that he was really gone , I wasn 't sure how to feel . On one hand , I hated him . He took me through hell , he almost gave me an STD and he shot me . But for years , I was in love with him . I think I still did . We had a child together but with all that he took me through , I didn 't believe I considered this love . My thoughts were interrupted by a doctor entering my room . " Ms . Evans , glad to see you awake ! My name is Dr . Ross and you gave your mama quite the scare . The bullet in your shoulder was through and through but the one in your stomach was much trickier . We were able to get you stabilized but unfortunately , the trauma caused you to lose the baby . " Pregnant . I was pregnant . Aaron and I were going to have a baby and Damion took that from us . I started to hate him again . The tears that fell from my eyes weren 't just from my baby but for the pain I felt for loving Damion . He ruined my life . " Mr . Benson was the gentleman that was found with you ? I didn 't operate on him so I am not entirely sure of his condition but I believe he was pretty touch and go for a little while . I can check and let you know . " I couldn 't help but to cry harder . Not only did my connection to Damion land me in the hospital but now its left my son and his siblings without a father and an innocent man was fighting for his life . What have I done ? My mama came by my side to hug me . It felt so strange for her to show me affection . I think the last time she hugged me was when I was a little girl . " I 'm sorry Savannah . So sorry , " my mama cried . " I know I haven 't been there for you and I 'm sorry . I 've been worried sick about you and I know that we can 't keep going like this . I need you to forgive me for the way I 've treated you . Oh God , I almost lost my baby ! " My mama was now crying harder than me . I believe that everything happens for a reason and maybe it took a tragedy for her to realize how much I needed her . My mama held me and we cried until I fell asleep . I was released from the hospital a few days later and ordered to bed rest . My mama offered to stay with me to help me around the house . I loved that she was going to be here ; it would give us time to talk even though the pain meds had me out of it most of the day . I didn 't have a lot of friends so I wasn 't bombarded with visitors and calls but my co - workers checked on me . I called the hospital constantly to check on Aaron but every time , he was still unconscious . He was shot twice in the chest , one of the bullets just missing his heart . As a nurse , I knew his chances were 50 - 50 , depending on the location . But from my understanding , EMS got to us pretty quickly so I 'm sure they were able to stabilize him . Still … I worried about him . One of his nurses was someone I worked with before ; she promised to call me if he woke up . Dallas had so many questions about why I had to stay in bed and why I couldn 't take him to school . I told him about his father and I felt his poor little heart break . He cried for about twenty minutes when he realized he wouldn 't see his daddy again . My mama took him out to get ice cream while my sister sat with me . I didn 't know how to help Dallas cope with his daddy 's death when I hated him right now . " Wait … what ? Diamond your brother shot at me and my boyfriend . I have no idea what happened after that . " Mariah came over to my bed almost like she was going to fight Diamond through the phone . " Me ? We weren 't even together anymore ! He was with Tianna . You know , the girl that gave him syphilis ! " I was beyond mad . I was dealing with too much to entertain her foolishness . She may have been grieving but I wasn 't going to blamed for his stupid decisions . I hung up on her and threw my phone down . Mariah grabbed my phone and put it on mute . " You don 't need to worry about that mess right now . We know Damion wasn 't shit . " Did his family really blame me ? They really thought he was blameless in this ? He 's the victim ? Damion 's family was one big unstable mess so honestly , I shouldn 't be surprised . They were the type of people to hop on social media saying " Free my cousin Pookie " after Pookie has killed 10 people and a dog . Damion 's family celebrated their criminal kinfolk like they were famous . Every time someone got out of jail , they threw a cookout . Even his mama spent time in jail but I refused to go last time she got out of jail ; a grown woman with a rap sheet miles long didn 't deserve celebration . They should have been giving her tips on how to stay out of jail instead of celebrating doing time . I tried to show Damion a different life , something with stability . But Damion loved that lifestyle . Well … I am not sure if he loved it or if he was just used to it . I expected Damion to provide me with love he wasn 't capable of giving . Because of love , I expected too much of him . I thought loving him would fix him . I thought love was enough to change him . I rolled over in a huff and pain shot through me . The pain in my shoulder and stomach was a reminder of what " I thought " cost me . Except for my son , there was no love worth losing my life . I asked Mariah for my pain meds even though I wasn 't in that much pain , I wanted to be sleep to escape my thoughts . When I woke up again , I felt so much more refreshed . My mama and Dallas were both in the bed with me and I loved this little moment of peace . I searched for my phone because I needed to check on Aaron . I had 5 missed calls from Diamond . I went through my settings and blocked her number . I wasn 't about to deal with her . I had a voicemail from Aaron 's nurse informing me that he was stable and was awake earlier . I got excited as I called his room number but I almost hung up when a woman answered . " Oh Savannah ! I 've heard so much about you ! How are you feeling ? " the woman asked . " I 'm Ellen , Aaron 's mother . " I was relieved it was his mama but I didn 't want to meet her like this . " I 'm fine , thank you . How 's Aaron ? " " He 's doing much better . He woke up today and breathing fine on his own . The doctors expect for him to make a full recovery , hallelujah ! " I breathed a heavy sigh of relief . I needed this good news today . " Thank God ! I want to come see him . Will that be ok ? " " Of course , honey ! But maybe tomorrow . He 's been in and out today , I don 't think he 'll be much good right now . " The next morning , my mama dropped Dallas off at school , then came back to take me to the hospital . She didn 't wake me up earlier because she said I needed my rest . I walked gingerly to Aaron 's room and knocked quietly . I walked into the room and smiled when I saw Aaron awake . He was connected to so many machines but he still managed to smile when he saw me . His mama got up from her chair to hug me . " It 's nice to meet you , too , Ms . Ellen , " I said trying to save Aaron from embarrassment . " Hey , Aaron . How are you feeling ? " " Well , I 'm gonna let you two talk . I 'm going to run home to shower and check my mail . Aaron , I 'll be back later . " She walked over to her son and kissed him on his forehead . The simple gesture made me smile but made me jealous at the same time . Aaron told me he had a great relationship with his mother , especially when his father died 10 years ago . Even though my mama was doing better now , most of my life she didn 't seem to care about me at all . Maybe one day we would have that type of relationship . I was going to do everything I could to make sure Dallas and I were like that . " My auntie , Tianna 's mama , said they broke up when he found out he had syphilis . They got into a fight over it . I think that was his wake - up call ; sleeping around has consequences . My auntie said he was kind of out of it after that . " I sat in silence that it took him contracting a disease for him to realize cheating on me was wrong . I felt sorry for him , in a way . I wanted him to do right but I wish it never ended like this . Aaron and I continued to chat and nurses came in and out to check on his vitals . If he continued to progress , he would be released soon . Even though he was surviving gunshot wounds , he was still in good spirits . He laughed and joked with the nurses and I and despite the situation , I was happy to have Aaron in my life . I wondered if he would still feel the same after he found out I lost our baby . " If it wasn 't for me and my drama , you wouldn 't be here . I got you involved in something that almost cost you your life . And I know words won 't change it , but I 'm sorry . " His question threw me off and I gave him a perplexed look . I was afraid to answer because I even though I did , I avoided saying it . I know when I 'm with him , I felt something . Something different than anything I 've ever felt with anyone I 've ever dated . In the short amount of time I 'd know Aaron , he 'd given me the love I begged to get from Damion for years . " Yes , Aaron , I do . " " You better . I almost died because I love you , " he exclaimed making me laugh . " But for real , you can 't help what he did . I don 't blame you at all so don 't think that . He tried to take us away from each other but that didn 't work . You 're stuck with me for the long haul ; I have the scars to prove it . " " But he did take something from us . I was pregnant , Aaron . I lost the baby . " I avoided eye contact because I didn 't want to see the hurt on his face . " Wow . I don 't know what to say . I know he 's your son 's father but I hope that nigga better be glad he 's dead . " I never heard Aaron talk like that and I knew he had to be hurt . I grabbed his hand and squeezed it . " I 'm sorry baby . I wish things could have been different . I was shot in the stomach , not my uterus so my doctor doesn 't think there will be any issues with me getting pregnant again . " I laughed and kissed him , finally grateful to feel the love I 've needed all my life . Aaron and I continued to laugh and talk until my cell phone rung . I assumed it was my mama , checking to see if I was ready to go . Instead , it was Dallas ' school . " Ms . Evans ? This is Janice Dansen , Dallas ' principal . We had a situation at the school today . EMTs are transporting Dallas to the hospital . Can you meet them there ? " " He was waiting for the van to take him to the center for his after - school program . He was hit by a car . His teacher , Ms . Cole is in the ambulance with him . I 'm not entirely sure what happened but I am about to look at the video tape and - " I hung up and went outside as fast as I could . I heard Aaron talking but I couldn 't make out what he was saying . I needed to be there when the ambulance pulled up . I tried to call my mama and sister but my hands were shaking . I finally got to my mama 's number . I barely got out what I was trying to say when the ambulance arrived . I just told my mama to come to the ER . Ms . Cole hopped out and then I saw my baby . He was bloody and bruised and I fought to hold back my tears . " Oh my God ! Savannah ! I don 't know what happened ! It seems like he just went flying in front of the car … they tried to stop but couldn 't ! " Ms . Cole was crying as she told me about my son . " Dallas ! Dallas , baby ! Mama 's here . I 'm here baby , " I told him . I was struggling to keep up with the paramedics rolling him into the ER . " Ma ' am , " one of the paramedics began . " You son is unconscious and we need to get him to the doctor . " They rolled my baby to the back and left me standing on the outside wondering how much more I could take . " A car hit him . I don 't understand . He was waiting to get on the van and Ms . Cole said he went flying into the street . I don 't get it . " I said staring blankly at the ER doors , waiting for a doctor to come out and get me . Two police officers entered the ER and asked for me . I stared at the officers in disbelief . Who would do something like that to my baby ? Then it dawned on me . Diamond . " Oh my God it was Diamond ! " " She called me yesterday . Blamed me for her brother dying . Told me I would regret it , " I cried . I anticipated she would come after me but I never thought she would come after my son . He was he nephew for God 's sake ! " Wait … what ? Are you saying some stranger intentionally pushed my son into traffic ? " I was about to lose my mind . " Why would some random woman do that ? " If it wasn 't for my mama , I would have hit the ground . Crying uncontrollably , the officers told us that Tianna blended in with other parents and when car was coming , she pushed Dallas . She walked away but the whole thing was caught on camera . Because Tianna has been arrested before , she was easily identified from the tape . When she was questioned , she didn 't even try to deny it . She said she did it because she needed me to suffer . She felt it was my fault Damion left her and him trying to kill me showed that he still loved me . She thought I " won " . Never in my life had I known people to be so crazy . I wish she would have come after me and not my baby . He was innocent in all of this . I thought I would never stop crying . My mama and the officers helped me sit down and they assured me Tianna would do real time behind this . I was in shock that she would do something to hurt my son , especially when she 's the one that took Damion from me . " Yes , Ms . Evans , your son will be ok . He had a broken leg , a broken rib and a concussion but he will be fine . Give us a few minutes and I 'll take you back to see him . " All I could do was cry . I felt like all I 've done the past couple of days was cry and I was tired of crying . I decided that once my son was released from the hospital , I was getting out of this town . Too much happened here and I didn 't think I could ever be happy here again . When I went back to see my baby , I was crushed . I did this to him . I put him here . I loved the wrong man and befriended the wrong person . I allowed detrimental people into his life and he suffered greatly because of it . Never again would anyone come before his safety or his happiness . I loved Aaron but the moment he showed me that Dallas wasn 't a priority in his life , I was gone . " I 'm sorry , baby , " I whispered . " I 'm so sorry . I promise I 'll never put you in a position to be hurt again . I love you , Dallas . " I meant that with everything in me . Dallas was my number one priority , nothing and no one else mattered . Almost a year later , my life was a new kind of wonderful . The last couple of months had been pure hell . From Damion shooting Aaron and I , and Tianna trying to kill my baby . All this because I was in love with someone who didn 't deserve me . Even though I never did anything as outlandish as Tianna , I realized just how stupid I was over a man that never loved me the way I loved him . He didn 't do anything to warrant my love . He didn 't do anything to deserve me . But I gave him everything he could ever want . Unfortunately , he couldn 't give me what he didn 't possess . Damion was a little boy masquerading as a man . He had so many unresolved issues , as did I . We were two imperfect people forcing something that didn 't fit . And in the wake of us trying to force a love that wasn 't meant to be , Damion lost his life , mine hung in the balance and countless people were hurt . It really wasn 't worth it . At least I had Aaron . Without him , I would have gone crazy . Aaron stepped up and pushed me to get help . I 'd dealt with a lot and he told me I didn 't need to handle this alone . I found a therapist for Dallas and I to attend . My mama came to a few sessions so that we could continue to build our relationship . I should have done this years ago and then I wouldn 't have gone through half this mess . A few months ago , Aaron and I decided to move . This town had too many painful memories and even though we had family here , we needed a fresh start . As we settled into our new home in Warner Robins , the peace I felt lying in my bed in my new home with my son and my man was unexplainable . Aaron showed me relationships took more than love . We trusted each other . We compromised . We respected each other . And we were like best friends . There was no one else I wanted to share life with besides Aaron and Dallas . Oh and the baby I was carrying . Today , we were going home for our gender reveal party . Aaron knew the sex but I didn 't want to know until this party . I was almost five months and I was already over being pregnant . I had morning sickness and I was tired all the time . I was sure it was a girl because I didn 't have this sickness when I was pregnant with Dallas . At my mama 's house , our friends and family were gathered in the yard waiting for us . It was decorated in blue and pink balloons and streamers . Since I already had a boy , everyone wanted me to have a girl . Aaron said he didn 't care about the sex but I knew deep down , he wanted a boy . " Exactly , " Ms . Ellen said . This would be her first grandchild . Being able to spend time with Dallas made her realize she wanted a grandchild of her own . " Now hurry up ! " I made my way over to the black box that was filled with balloons . Aaron stood on the other side of me , smiling extra hard now that everyone would know what he did . I acted like I couldn 't open the box and my mama got irritated and yanked it open . Out flew black balloons . Everyone around me screamed and clapped as Aaron placed the ring on my finger and hugged me tight . I 'd cried so many tears out of pain that these tears of joy were refreshing . After all the drama I 'd been through , I could finally say I knew real love . 20 thoughts on " Is love enough ( Full Story ) " Shernone Butts said : March 28 , 2017 at 4 : 09 am Wow ! ! ! Jennifer you are good . Let me find out ! ! ! ! This story was real life situation with so many twist and turns and had me reading every word , every sentence and every paragraph . Makes you think on your life and how to work on relationships . . I really enjoyed . Thanks for sharing your gift … . Blessings Pinkspen said : March 28 , 2017 at 8 : 45 am I was up last night reading this story . I didnt get through all of it yet , but gurrrlllll you can write ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Loving it LikeLiked by 1 person pinkandgabulous said : March 28 , 2017 at 11 : 41 am It was even better than the first time I read it ! ! ! This is awesome ! I 'm sending it to everybody . LOL ! Consuela said : March 29 , 2017 at 12 : 11 am I was gonna read a little bit and then go to bed , but I couldn 't stop reading . This was extremely good . Thanks for sending it to me . WOW … I need more . LOL Mesa Butler said : March 28 , 2017 at 4 : 07 pm OMG ! ! I started reading this in my car . Actually could not get out the car once I pulled into the garage . I finished this story shortly after getting settled in the house . This is the absolute best . This needs to be published girl . I loved it ! ! Tomeka Favors said : March 28 , 2017 at 5 : 20 pm OMG ! ! This was absolutely amazing ! I saw myself at many different intervals through Savannah . Nothing short of amazing ! ! ! Thank you for sharing your gift . Jennifer Robinson said : March 28 , 2017 at 5 : 28 pm Thank you for reading ! I know a lot of us have have been Savannah before . . . grateful it didn 't take anything this dramatic for me wake up ! Temeshia Edden said : March 28 , 2017 at 11 : 04 pm I missed my favorite show reading this story . I must say it was worth it . I love it . Robert Taylor said : April 2 , 2017 at 12 : 04 am That was an amazing story . I am impressed , I actually missed a good bit of the Final Four because I was captivated by your story . I 'm gonna get out of my feelings and commend you on a great story . You owe me for causing me to miss my game though theblacksheeppostSharing Ideas to ConnectLittle Girl Blues : Existence of an ImageIn order to comprehend perspective , you must first be able to perceive . Pink and GabulousStyled by the SpiritAuthored by AjaJourney to PublishedS . T - LewisLADYHOOD journeywe are not born ladies , but we can be ladies . . . Pages in my notebookThings I used to trip on , I walk over nowMobile of PeaceA journal of overcoming depressionK E GarlandInspirational kwotes , stories and imagesK . PhoenixWhere the Essence of Love is ToldplantaseedreapaharvestSmile ! You 're at the best WordPress . com site everSite TitleHeather the ChefLetters to a Little QueenQueen of SavagesA Returning to your Roots Lifestyle BlogHer Fancy LifeWhere the REAL world meets her Fancy Aspirations ! Rebirth of LisaAuthor , Blogger , Poet and Freelance WriterHunt 's ClubhouseSunKissed QueenThe Black MarketplaceInvesting In Our Community
|
Do you know what today is ? That 's right ! It 's October 28 , exactly 1 month until my new grand daughter is due . I 'm still not sure that it has even sunk in , yet . But , in about a month or so , I will be a new grandmother ! I 'm also ashamed to say that I have not picked out a " grandma " name . I 've got to get on the ball ! I STILL have not found anything that sounds fitting . Speaking of Justin and Chelsea , the last update I gave you had Justin out of a job . That has not changed as of yet , but there is hope on the horizon . He applied for a driver 's helper for the upcoming holiday season with UPS . He has an interview next Thursday ! I know it is only seasonal , but it 's better than nothing ! It would be great if it would get his foot in the door with UPS . But , I don 't want to get ahead of myself . He is also checking into taking some classes to keep his schooling going . We all know that education is the key to a better future . He doesn 't want to live in Scottsboro for the rest of his life . Justin and his band , Wild Tangent , are playing a " gig " this Friday and Saturday night in Scottsboro . They are actually going to get paid . It probably won 't be a huge amount by the time they divide it 5 ways , but it 's a start . On a different note , Chase and Jordan had their pictures in the same local newspaper on the same day this week ! At first we heard about Chase 's pic . We immediately went out and bought a few papers . There was an awesome shot of him diving to make a tackle . Kevin said that Superman didn 't have anything on Chase ! So , we were all happy about the pic . The next day at school , I was showing it around to some of the people I work with . Kevin called me after lunch and said that Jordan was in that paper , too . His picture was in an insert about half - time shows . He was standing there jamming on the bass guitar . So , I was a proud momma , indeed ! I did it ! I am taking a vacation day to just stay at home all by myself ! I love my family , but it is so nice to have just a little time at home alone . I 'm not sure what I will do today . Just hang out and play it by ear , I guess . I will probably do a little house work because it is so much easier to do when there isn 't someone messing things up right up behind me . I may catch up on some of the stuff I have recorded on my DVR . I am WAY behind on The Young and The Restless . So don 't worry too much . I plan to do more relaxing that houseworking ! Posted by Last night was our last home game of the season . This also means that it was senior night . : - ( It was be Chase 's last game at Aggie stadium . This can 't be right ! It was just yesterday that he was playing on the junior high team . Wasn 't it ? Maybe not . But , time goes so quickly . He said that he is ready for it to be over . He just doesn 't realize . These people that he has gone to school with since kindergarten will go their separate ways . Some , he will never see again . It 's like a family . I remember my graduation . It started raining at the last minute . It was supposed to be held at the football field . Instead , they had to move it all indoors while we waited under the breezeway . I 'm glad the plans changed that night , because I remember looking around at all my classmates and wondering if I 'll ever see half of these people again . Isn 't it too bad that we often realize this stuff too late ? If only we 'd had more time . Now , through the miracle of Facebook , I have had a chance to reconnect with lots of those old classmates . It has been wonderful . Even if it is across the miles , I can keep up with what is going on with my friends . So , last night they recognized the seniors at the football game . I was dreading this night all season . I did okay when Justin was a senior . But , for some reason , it seems to be harder this time . Maybe it is because I still had two others in school . Now , I will be down to one . Boy , I really will have a tough time when he 's a senior . I don 't want to think about that right now ! I still have 2 years after this one . Then , I 'll be blogging again . . . if I can fight through the tears ! Here are some pictures of my little boy who is growing up faster than I want him to ! Chase # 35 in 7th grade ; # 26 Jose ( a fellow team mate ) That 's what I 'm trying to do . I am so sick of all the clutter around my house . It just makes the housework so hard . I have just started noticing all the crap that is everywhere . It 's just in the way . I have started working on getting it cleared out . I 've started in my kitchen . I 'm trying not to get overwhelmed and crash and burn . ( With Flylady 's help ) Just a little at a time . It 's gonna take awhile , but I know that if I just do a little each day , I 'll start to notice . I guess it took me finally getting tired of it to start doing something about it . So , my motto is going to be SIMPLIFY . I 'll keep you updated on my progress . I joined the gym today . The local radio station is sponsoring a free month to get people to feel the benefits of exercise . I feel them alright ! I walked for 30 minutes on the treadmill , and you would think that I ran a marathon ! I 'm not sore . I 'm just drained ! I 'm sure I 'll feel better tomorrow after I get some rest . My friend , Penny , is going with me tomorrow . She has been going for a couple of weeks already . We are going to encourage each other . So , hopefully , this will be the turning point of a healthier , leaner me . I 'll let you know how it goes . I love Fall , and I love Halloween . I 'm still a kid at heart . I remember reciting this poem as a little girl . I had forgotten the words , so I looked them up . Now , I 'm sharing them with y ' all . Five Little Pumpkins Sitting On A Gate Good Saturday morning , friends . It 's one of those cold , windy , cloudy days here in Alabama . At least it 's not raining . . . yet . I 've been a bit down and out the last few days . Feeling sorry for myself for feeling more like a maid and less like a wife and mother . Things are getting better , but I still do 99 % of the housework around here . . . and hold down a full - time job . Lately it 's been more than a full - time job . I 've had to bring some things home to work on . But , I am seeing a light way down there at the end of the tunnel . We headed out to Scottsboro last night . Our football team played there , and since Justin and Chelsea live there , they invited us to eat supper with them . It was a good time . They cooked barbeque chicken , green beans , potatos , shells & cheese , and rice . Chelsea is really beginning to poke out there ! It 's just a little over a month now until Millie will make her appearance . It 's gonna be so great ! Justin still hasn 't found a job . He is feeling pressure from Chelsea 's parents , mainly her mom . It 's a bad situation because I don 't know enough about Scottsboro to even go help him look for a job there . Around here , I know the places to go , and we have some connections here and there that could probably help . Justin wants to live here . He wants for them to be truly out on their own . Instead , they live in a mobile home that her parents are paying for , behind their house . As long as that 's the case , they are going to be nose - ing their way into their business whenever it 's convenient for them . I told him that Chelsea would have to be the one to get tired of it before anything would be done about it . I hope this situation works itself out soon . On a positive note , our team won last night ! It was another muddy one , but they pulled it out . The season is about to wind down . There 's just a few more games to watch Chase play . He did ask me what I thought about him playing baseball this year . I told him that it was entirely up to him . He used to play , and he was pretty good . And then , back when Kevin 's mom passed away , it was around the time to try out again . He decided not to . There was just too much stuff going on . He didn 't play the following season , either . But , I think that since this is his senior year , he has decided to give it another go . We 'll see . If so , I 'll have to get the warm clothes and portable heater ready because baseball starts in February , and it is one cold season ! So , have a great weekend , friends . Posted by I 'm so sick of rain . It has rained almost every day for the last few weeks . I 'm beginning to wonder if I should start looking for the Cullens around here because this is how I envision the way Bella described the rain in Forks . The vampires would go there to live because there was little chance of them being exposed by the sunlight . So , be on the lookout for some pale individuals with supernatural powers around here . But , isn 't it funny how the weather affects our moods ? It seems that most of the people I 've talked to lately have been down and out , including me . It 's just a dreary state - of - mind . I wonder if it is because God just wants us to appreciate things , like the sun . It did briefly peep out today . I noticed it . I told the girls in the office to hurry up and look because it probably wouldn 't be out for long . I was right . One girl , Cindy , that I work with said that all this rain makes her feel like everything is dirty . She said that her floors get mud and wet stuff tracked in , and it doesn 't do any good to clean them , because they are just gonna get that way again in a matter of minutes . I heard another person mention that the animals were pairing up outside . . . waiting on the Ark , no doubt . It 's just hard to have a good outlook when it has been so dreary . We have sat out in a couple of football games right after a big storm and watched the players do their best to hang onto the ball all the while slipping and sliding in the mud . There 's another game tomorrow night , and I haven 't heard how the weather is supposed to be . Let me guess . Rain . I do remember hearing that it is supposed to get really chilly this weekend . Maybe our first real feel of Fall ? I 'll take it . . . as long as Mr . Sunshine comes along with it ! Posted by We received some exciting news yesterday . Our high school band as been accepted to march in the 2011 Tournament of Roses Parade in Pasadena , California ! ! ! WHOOO HOOO ! ! ! We went to Hollywood with them back when Justin was in 9th grade . That was 2003 . We had a blast ! I am really looking forward to this . We have a little over a year to save up for it . We don 't know the cost yet , but hopefully , they will shed some light on that at the next band booster meeting . They are very good at allowing the kids to do fund - raising for these trips and all the profits go straight to that student 's account . I am so proud of our band . They have an awesome program every year . They have marched in the Macy 's parade about 4 or 5 times . . . I 've lost count . They 've been on a Bahamas cruise 2 times . And remember , this band has over 200 members . They are extremely well - behaved , which allows them the freedom to be able to go on these great trips . Here 's a video from their half - time show last year . just like He has me many times . With all the things that have been happening in my life lately , I have felt Him trying to get my attention . But , I have been ignoring Him . Do you ever do that ? I knew He was there all the time , yet I felt like I had let him down , and if I would just ignore Him , then I could go on handling things myself , when all I had to do was to turn to Him for help . He always takes me back , no matter what I 've done or how I 've treated Him . He loves you and me that much . Please continue to pray for me and my family . Our homecoming game was NOT a good one . We got beat 37 - 7 . Bummer . I don 't know why we always play hard teams on homecoming ! We had rain and tornado warnings all around , and the game was delayed about an hour . It wasn 't quite as muddy as it was when we played Etowah , though . But , you could see the water splash up when the players got tackled . Chase got the breath knocked out of him during the last minute of the game . He was okay . Thank God . But , the funnest part of the week was the festivities leading up to homecoming night . At my school we started out with " Hats off to the Aggies " day on Tuesday . We all wore our hats to school . And then , on Thursday we had " Roll Over the Wildcats " day . We all wore our " biker " gear . We were a scary bunch ! On Friday , our senior football players visited classrooms to read the kids a book . Those little kids had a blast . . . and I suspect those players did , too . They got to see how those kids look up to them . Since Chase is a senior this year : * ( , he was one who got to come . Later , we had a pep rally at our school and the cheerleaders from the junior high came . It was a fun week . So , you probably know that one of my sons , Jordan , plays bass guitar in the high school marching band . ( I might have mentioned it a time or two ! ) Well , during the parade , there is no need for the bass guitars . Who wants to push that huge amp all over town ? ! So , Jordan 's backup instrument is the alto sax . Most of the band members have to wear white gloves . Since Jordan plays bass , he has no need of white gloves . . . until he is going to play saxophone in the parade ! So , he and I take off after school today to the only place in our podunk town that I know carries white band gloves ( or white gloves of any kind , for that matter ! ) . It turns out , they are closed on Thursdays . We tried one of the local tuxedo rental stores . No dice . So , we just about decided to just let him explain to the band director that he has no white gloves since he doesn 't use them anymore . So be it . But , I had one more hat trick that I wanted to try . F - A - C - E - B - O - O - K I headed straight to Walgreens , which is only about 3 minutes from my house . Made my way to the Halloween section and desparately started searching for white gloves . After a few minutes , I spotted the black gloves , looked hanging behind them , and lo and behold , there were the coveted white gloves that Jordan needed . Who cares that they were Dracula gloves ? ! They were white . They would serve the purpose . And , they were only $ 2 . 99 ! I snagged those babies right up , paid for them , and took them home to Jordan . Jordan put them on his massive hands only to realize that they barely fit over his hand . The bottoms of the fingers came up to his knuckles , but they would do . I carried him to meet up with the rest of the band . So , when the band came by during the parade , I looked and looked for Jordan wielding his saxophone . I couldn 't find him ! Well , we have over 200 in our band , so I decided that I must have just missed him . But then , there on the back row , he came walking by , no saxophone , just walking . But , he had on those Dracula gloves . . . or so I thought . This is the sweet part . There is another bass player in the band . He 's a short , scrawny little fellow ; one grade ahead of Jordan . He doesn 't really look like a bass guitar player , whatever one is supposed to look like . After we all got home from the parade , Jordan said that he didn 't have a band hat , anymore , so they just had them to walk with the band , no playing saxophone . He also told me that someone else in the band had an extra pair of " real " band gloves , and they gave them to him to wear . Well , the other little bass player dude asked Jordan if he had any white gloves . Jordan told him that he did , and that they would actually probably fit him better anyway . He also told him that they were Dracula gloves . To which he replied . . . That 's the way things are going , lately . Kevin is doing a lot better , as far as I can tell . We go in the morning to the mental health center to start that process . It will be good to finally get an evaluation done by people who know about this stuff . So , this situation is moving right along now , but . . . Justin called today and said that he doesn 't have a job anymore . He went in to work this shortened - already 3 - day week today only to be told that they did not need any of the temps anymore . So , he went back home . He still technically works for the staffing agency , so he is going to talk to them tomorrow when he goes to pick up his check . Maybe they will have something else for him . He said that he really wants to find a job on his own . That would be great . Then maybe he could get benefits . But , now is not the best time to be looking for a job . I worry about him and Chelsea . The baby will be here around the end of November , and I really hope he has a job way before then . She is on Medicaid and WIC , so at least that is taken care of . Please just keep them in your prayers . Pray that he will find the right job soon . On a brighter note , it 's homecoming week in Albertville . We play the Ft . Payne Wildcats , who have beaten us about 9 times in a row . I wonder why our homecoming is always scheduled with hard teams ? I mean , how fun is it to celebrate a loss at the homecoming dance ? ! My boys are dateless this year . That 's fine with me ! Those homecoming corsages are expensive ! I asked them if they were going to the dance , and they both said that nobody goes to those . Oh well . Things have really changed since I was in high school . Tomorrow evening will be the homecoming parade . I 'll take pictures and post some . It 's time to make this blog groovy again . So , things are moving right along . Kevin is feeling a lot better . He said that he still doesn 't feel totally like he thinks he should feel , but the medicine does take time to really start working . We are still going to the mental health center on Thursday to get the ball rolling on that . Hopefully , we will get him back on track soon . I can already see a major difference in him . Justin and Chelsea came down for the weekend . That little belly is really starting to grow ! It won 't be very long now . I still haven 't figured out what I want my grandkids to call me . I am still holding out for a hip grandma name . . . and nothing that everyone else is being called , either . I better put on my thinking cap and decide , or it will be decided for me . Justin called me Monday morning and said that the place where he has been working cut his hours down to 3 days a week . This is just after he went in on Saturday and worked overtime ! He said that he is gonna have to start looking for another job . He is still technically working for the staffing agency , so I told him to talk to them and see if they had anything else full - time . I was disappointed , as was he . We really hoped that this would turn into a regular job for him . Oh well . I guess things happen for a reason . There must be bigger and better things out there for him . The next morning after the ER visit , I proceeded to call the doctor 's office that the screener told us to . The lady I talked to told me that she would have to call back that afternoon to see what they could do . She didn 't call back . I called back around 3 p . m . and got their voicemail . I left a message to see if she had found out anything . When I talked to Kevin a little later and told him that I was trying to get him an appointment with the psychiatrist , he decided to try to call for himself . They answered the phone this time . The lady told him that she was still trying to work something out , and that she would call him between 4 : 30 - - 5 : 00 p . m . She didn 't ! I called at 5 : 30 and left a " nice " little message that my husband needed help , and it would be nice if she would do , at least , what she said that she would do . The following day . ( Wednesday ) She must have gotten my message . She called Kevin . She told him that she knew it was frustrating , but they were booked solid , and she was hoping for a cancellation , or to be able to move some people around so that they could help him . Kevin told her that he just needed some medication until they could see him . She told Kevin that she would have to talk to the doctor , and she would call him back . Sure . Kevin and I were both beginning to get very irritated . I got home from work that day , and she still had not called him back . Surprise . Surprise . So , I proceeded to call . Got the voicemail . I was very nice and considerate and told her that Kevin just wanted to know if she had gotten a chance to talk to the doctor yet . A short time later , she called back and talked to Kevin . She asked him his age . Told them that they were booked solid into January , and that they had thought that they could send him somewhere else to be seen . . . but he was over the age limit ! WHAT ? ! ! Kevin was so mad ! ! I was , too . He told her that whatever happened would be on that doctor 's hands . He hung up and threw his phone across the living room . He screamed . He hit the wall with his fist a few times . He grabbed his head . He asked why he wasn 't important enough to get some help . What is a person to do that needs psychological help around here ? ! ! We must live in just a God - awful podunk place . Of course , they told him that he could go back to the ER if he got bad . We CANNOT do that EVERYDAY ! ! ! ! He 's out of work , and he just needs to be properly diagnosed and given the proper medication . That 's all we ask . Is that so much ? ! After all this took place , Kevin 's sister called their brother who had dealt with a similar situation in his family . He suggested Brookwood Medical Center in Birmingham . It was 1 1 / 2 hours away , but he said that they could help Kevin . So , we took off there last night . They asked Kevin if he would be willing to stay . He said that he would be fine with whatever because he just wanted to get better . We followed a security guard to the psych ward . They asked Kevin to turn out his pockets . They checked him for weapons and such . They gave me a paper with instructions on how to get in to see him , and the visiting hours . I gave Kevin a kiss and left him there . The look on his face when I walked out said , " I 'm sorry I am letting you down . " But , he 's not . I love him . I just want him to get better and enjoy life again . It will be better on us all . I got a call from Kevin this morning ( Thursday ) . He seemed okay . He told me that he DID NOT belong on that floor . There were some looney toons there . He said if he stayed on that floor much longer , he WOULD be crazy ! He told me that they had mentioned moving him . The nurse didn 't even think he belonged there . I haven 't heard from him any more today . Visiting hours are from 7 : 30 - - 8 : 30 tonight . Maybe he won 't have to be in there for very long . Let 's hope so . Kevin called me around 4 : 00 on Thursday and said that he didn 't care WHO I had to talk to , to come get him out of that place ! I wasn 't sure if I would be able to do that . I didn 't know the policy on that , but he DID check in of his own free will . I called back , and talked to the head nurse and asked her if it would be possible for Kevin to check out , since he had agreed , voluntarily , to stay . She was very nice . She said that she would have to contact the doctor and get an " Against Medical Advice " release . She was able to do that . I talked to Kevin , and he said to get down there as fast as I could . I programmed the GPS , and I headed down to Birmingham . Went down to the psych ward . Pressed the button on the intercom outside the doors and told them that I was there to pick up my husband . They said that they would bring him out . A few minutes later , there he was . He couldn 't get out of that place fast enough ! He said that he would get himself straightened out . He did not belong on that floor with all the drug addicts and just plain out crazy people . All he had wanted to do was to get some rest and medication that would help him . Instead , he said that they did " activities " all day , and he told us some stories about his " room mate " , and some of the other crazies in there . Friday we went to his regular medical doctor . She knows his situation , and she knows the family situation , also , because she was Kevin 's mother 's and daddy 's doctor , also . It helped him a lot to tell her what was going on . She prescribed him something for his anxiety and something that is a mood stabilizer . She told him to keep the appointment that he has with the mental health center on October 8 , and then just do whatever they think is best . She gave him a release for work , so he is going back tomorrow . ( Sitting at home all day was not helping him ! ) So far , things have been great . I think that just knowing that there ARE people out there that are trying to get him back on track has helped him . It was just frustrating to me to realize that someone who needs help IMMEDIATELY is unable to get it unless they go to the ER , which is just a temporary fix . And , by the way , I will never recommend Dr . Ciaccio in Guntersville to anyone . We never talked to him , but his receptionist does NOT have good skills in dealing with people . The last time that Kevin talked to her , and she was putting him off . . . again . He told her that whatever happened would be on the doctor 's hands , then he hung up on her . Threw his phone across the living room . And hit the wall with his fist a few times . She didn 't even bother to call back . We haven 't heard from that office since then . ( I originally wrote this around Tuesday of this week . I 'm just now posting . A LOT has happened since this . Stay tuned . ) My life has not been very groovy for the past couple of weeks . I 've mentioned before that my husband deals with depression and mental illness . It has reared its ugly head again . He was in such a good mood a few weeks ago . I should have seen this coming . Last week he bottomed out . I called around trying to get him in to see a therapist , but everywhere I turned , they either didn 't take my insurance , or it was going to be weeks until he could see someone . I got very frustrated . What 's a person to do when they need help RIGHT NOW ? ! ! The soonest that I could get an appointment was Oct . 8 . He was going to try to make it until then , but at work yesterday , he called me to come get him to take him to the ER . There they assessed him , and brought in a screener . Wes was his name , and he was wonderful . Also , while there , the ER doctor asked him if there was anything brought on to trigger his feelings . Well , come to think of it , possibly losing his mother over a year ago , his father fighting bladder cancer , seeing his son married and now expecting a child , yes , I would think that could be part of it . But , mental illness DOES run in his family . His mom was bipolar , and his grandmother was schizophrenic . He seemed to think the same thing as I did . My husband is bipolar . What this means is that he will experience feelings of euphoria , but that will swiftly change to a severe depressed state . It 's like a roller coaster . We just never knew what kind of mood he was going to be in from one day until the next . Anyway , they gave him a shot to ease his anxiety . Today we are waiting on a call from a psychiatrist so that he can be properly diagnosed and start to receive the help he needs . Just keep us in your prayers . I 'll keep you posted on this journey .
|
This is what democracy looks like ? My Mind 's Eye A reflection for the First Sunday of Advent Building a New Majority Adventures with a keyboard Open Government Data and the case of Wiener Linien Twenty Five Years Nobody over 30 ever had a good idea What is $ 2000 worth ? Fix the Filibuster Archives I made the best decision of my life on a snowy April morning in 1987 . Mary and I had been living with one another for several years and she had suggested a few times that we might make a commitment to do so for the rest of our lives . I was reluctant . I was afraid of becoming my father , of being unable to live out such a commitment without an alternate life and harbors of secrecy . I was afraid that saying I 'd do anything for the rest of my life was a bit insane when I was only 24 years old . We were living in Ohio at the time , and I woke up one April morning to find the world covered in white . An April snowstorm had transformed spring to winter overnight . The bright light of spring on the carpet of snow , the thick sticky white on the branches of the trees , struck me dumb with wonder . What a crazy spring . What a topsy turvy world . As I looked at the transformation outside I realized I could transform inside . I decided if God could be so impulsive as to drop snow on us in April , I could be crazy enough to say yes to Mary . We decided that morning to get married a year later , in April , whatever the weather . Mary and I have been blessed with two wonderful children and a wonderful journey together . Whatever the future holds , I am grateful to be on this road with Mary . It has not always been smooth sailing and I 've railed at God ( easier to believe in God when I 'm angry ) plenty of times for the awful and oppressive . But I 've never been alone , because I find God in my nearest neighbor every day . As our rings say , " journey is reward . " Just being next to one another through thick and thin has been such a great reward . So today , our twenty fifth anniversary , is a magical morning not for any of the grand plans we 've made ( it looks like we will simply be home together ) but for the gift of a snowy April morning outside . This very gift 26 years ago helped me say " yes " to the partner of my life . I give thanks for another April snow , and for the reminder that life is full of the unexpected , transformations are possible , and even beneath the cold white blanket likes the promise of spring . I give thanks for Mary in my life . I love you , Mary ! I 've followed Steve since 1977 , maybe I 'll write about that soon . But right now I 'm sad to see he 's left us . I 'm trying to say goodbye . I was lucky enough to meet Steve a few times , but there is really only one time . One night Steve stayed at our house . " House " is a bit of an understatement . At the time my dad was Governor of Ohio and we lived in the Governor 's Residence . It was probably 1989 , though I 've lost track of the actual date , and Steve was visiting Ohio for reasons of his own . I had been an Apple fan since there was an Apple , and at the time I was a Campus Consultant for NeXT , Steve 's new venture . I think that was part of why my dad found a way to invite Steve to spend the night while he was in town . I have a terrible memory , even for things like this . But I do remember learning that Steve 's diet was quite different from mine , full of nuts and fruit , very specific . Yet he did sit at the table with us , and we were our usual fairly chaotic bunch . I have five brothers and sisters and our table could be somewhat unorthodox , full of politics , argument , and inside jokes . That night , though , I remember being in awe . I 'd experience my share of celebrity and was pretty nonchalant around Pete Seeger , Peter , Paul , and Mary , or Jimmy Carter , but this was Steve Jobs . I suddenly felt starstruck , unable to think clearly , unable to speak . After dinner , I remember shooting hoops in the driveway with Steve . How odd , normal , and calm it all was . It was a precious moment for me . What I didn 't learn until much later was that it was a moment that may have had an impact on Steve as well . A story eventually came back to me that Steve had once had this great evening with the Governor of Ohio and his family . Steve , who had been totally focussed on his businesses to that point , the story went , realized that evening that even a high pressure life of denting the universe could have room in it for family . He began to look for a way to let family into his life . A few years later he was married . Much more recently he watched his son graduate from high school . I have no idea how close to the truth that story lies . God knows , our cauldron of a family on the fires of public life had severe flaws , but we did have fun too . Getting to have Steve over for the night was fun . If our joy helped nudge him toward opening his life to his own family , I am even more grateful for that night . I expect his family was around him today . I pray , even though none could follow him where he went , that they gathered close to assure him that all was well , that he could let go , that we would all remember him . I am grateful that he had a chance to build more than a business . I spent the whole afternoon of Wednesday , 28 April , with Oma , listening to her breath , helping her turn from side to side , watching trying to keep her weakly circulating blood from pooling on one side or the other . From time to time she would sip water set on her lip , but not much . She ate nothing . Alex and Anna checked in now and then . It was a very quiet day . As Anna and I helped Oma make one more turn , we realized this might be her last . Anna called Alex into the room . Oma lay naked and bruised as we held her hands and whispered our love to her , I felt a circle closing . She gazed at the woods outside the window one last time . Alex and I took our walk this morning , we got a wee bit lost at the end , and ended up in a place called " Am Himmel " which roughly translates into " in heaven . " We spent some time there looking at the " life trees " they have planted . Oma 's tree is an Ulme . Then we went to the church in Grinzing and lit a couple candles in front of the statue of Mary , asking for her mercy and help . Oma has been calling out to " mama " over the past few days , and once when Dagmar asked which mother , she said she was calling on the mother of God . So we did too . Oma was still sleeping peacefully when we got home , though I do think she could hear some of what was going on around her . As the sun rose in America , a number of family members called and listened to Oma breathing and shared love and goodbyes with her . I sat with her all day , Alex spent much of the day with her too , but then went upstairs to do some work . Anna and I would turn Oma every few hours , because her hands would start to go blue on one side or the other , her blood was not flowing very well . Her breathing , though , remained steady and deep . At about five thirty we decided it was time for another turn . I stood on the side of the bed facing the windows toward a lowering but still bright and high sun . Out of these windows we can see Cobenzl , though Oma 's eyes are not usually strong enough to see that far . She once told me she liked watching the fireworks on New Year 's from this window . As we turned her toward me , she took a deep breath and her eyes opened wide wide wide staring out the window at the light beyond . A brown foam rose to her lips , I began to wash it off as her breathing changed , slowed , and got very bubbly . She finished staring out the window and closed her eyes . I noticed her lips turning blue . Anna and I then realized what was happening and quickly called Alex to rejoin us . Anna and I felt her pulse on wrist an neck as Alex held her hand . I could not feel a pulse in her neck but kept talking anyway , letting her know everything was OK , that we would miss her terribly , but it was OK to go , she could have some peace , everything was OK . We continued to wet and wipe her lips as she turned a bit bluer , then we became sure she was gone . 17 : 42 . Heinz came to see her and help us with the formalities of getting her picked up by the city 's equivalent of a funeral home . I will go there tomorrow to get started on next steps . Sigrun also called us just in time to hurry to us and see her body at home in peace before she was picked up . Her body left the house dressed simply , with her rosary , and with a small rosary book that Dagmar had given her . Anna lit a candle in the dining room and Oma 's room of the last few weeks , which is burning here next to Alex as I write . Alex and I were up early and Oma was still , blessedly , sleeping . After sending an update to the family , I wanted to get out of the house , into the woods . Anna said she had everything under control and gave us leave to head out . America would not wake up for hours yet , the day was amazing , Alex and I hit the road . We took the bus up to Cobenzl and walked into the woods behind . The Kreuzung is where a few of the paths around Cobenzl cross , and there someone raised a cross like those you often find in the woods around Vienna . Today it bore a little sign : " I don 't know where God is driving me , but I know he drives me . " We walked on toward Jaegerwiese . As I walked the path I had an almost physical sensation of someone else watching with my eyes . I became conscious that this walk was not just for Alex and I , but for Oma herself . It was her last walk in the woods . Jaegerwiese was almost empty this early in the day , and a weekday no less . It was contemplative , with a pony eating under a flowing tree of spring . For no particular reason , as Alex and I headed over Hermanskogel and down the other side , we began talking of plans for the family who would join us when Oma died . It seemed possible that Oma might die soon , and the walk became a practice of a walk we might take with brothers and sisters to make sure they saw some of Oma 's woods while they were in Vienna . We got a bit lost , finding a babbling spring brook and a poisonous lizard as we wandered on . We were both a bit amazed that as we recovered our bearings we found ourselves at the Celtic tree circle near Cobenzl , on a hilltop called " Am Himmel . " Could we have ended up at a more aptly named hill , " in heaven . " We found Oma 's birth - tree , the elm , in the circle . As we returned to Cobenzl we passed a field of the most amazing yellow dandelion - like flowers covering a rise , right up into the clouds . Down in Grinzing again , we stopped in the parish church to pray to Mary , the mother of God , that Oma might find peace and we might find strength . We 'd been walking for hours and hours . When we got home Oma was as we 'd left her with Anna . I sat by her side . As America awoke , family started calling . For the most part we spoke in whispers . I showed them Oma sleeping , they listened to her breathing . Together , we kept vigil . Oma 's condition has been worsening , though growing more calm , since Monday . We are now firmly on a palliative course , with a morphine patch in place , and only pain medications being administered . She is more or less out of touch , when she does speak , it is mostly in tongues . We 've had Dagmar online and some visitors like Sigrun , Guenther , and Rosewita trying to help us translate with little success . Oma was not even interested in the very cute cat book that Rosewita brought for her . Anna and I did have one breakthrough last night , we realized Oma was saying " apfel suppe " and I finally figured out that meant " apfel saft " . We gave her some multivitamin juice and she ate half an apple ( grated ) ! I 'll be buying apple juice this morning for Oma . Not that it will help much . This morning she spit up the apples and is deep asleep . She has not kept any food down for a couple days and she has been drinking very little . Her breath is sounding bubbly , though deep . There is a growing consensus among some that Oma won 't last out the week . I would still be personally surprised if she is not alive when I leave next week , mostly because Oma has surprised me so many times already . But even so , I went to Utzi and Opa 's grave with Alex yesterday and asked them to come visiting and help Oma with her journey . Tante Trude sent a priest who administered last rights with Dagmar on the videophone . Anna is picking out clothes for Oma to wear when she dies . It feels like the last days are upon us . No predictions or guarantees , of course . Alex and I will go for a long walk in the woods this morning . I 'm going to go say goodbye to Cobenzl and the Kreuzung and Jagerwiesse and Hermanskogel for Oma . All places she has not been to in years , but which I remember visiting as a little boy with her . To these places I am sure she won 't return except in sprit , or perhaps in the form of a small grey fox like the one we saw in her garden last week , coming by , perhaps , to welcome her to the side of the angels . Today was Tuesday , April 27 . Oma was mostly sleeping , wearing a morphine patch , and we were not even going to try to get her to exercise or get in the wheelchair . That seemed past . Dagmar suggested I get in touch with Oma 's dear friend , Tante Trude . Trude is also a great grandmother , from Oma 's generation , grew up in Krems like Oma , and now lives only a few blocks away . Trude had visited on a glorious Sunday just two weeks or so earlier and seen Oma at her best . Dagmar knew Trude was quite active in the local parish and thought I should ask her to arrange for a priest to come see Oma . Oma had hardly gone to church since losing her daughter Utzi in a car accident while Opa was driving . Utzi had lingered for days in the hospital before dying , and Oma was terribly offended by the piss - poor job the parish did attending to her and her funeral . Still , Dagmar thought Oma would appreciate seeing a priest , and Trude could arrange that . I told Dagmar I was very uncomfortable with the notion of asking Trude to do this . I hardly ever went visiting in Vienna , I was a loner . I 'd hang out with Oma , explore the city , walk in the woods , and then return to Oma . This was well outside my comfort zone . Alex and I did try to get out every day , and today was beautiful . I didn 't want to be gone for too long with Oma in this condition , so we decided to just go to the cemetery to visit Utzi and Opa . Friedhof Grinzing was just up the hill opposite Huschkagasse , up An den Langen Lussen . I always visited the cemetery at least once on each trip to Vienna . Utzi had been buried there all my life and I thought of her as a kind of patron saint , watching over my family . I always liked paying my respects , cleaning the grave a bit , lighting a candle . Much more recently Opa had joined his daughter in the grave , and I knew Oma expected to be laid to rest here too . I asked Utzi and Opa to help Oma . I told them she was afraid , that she needed their guidance . They told me to return home by way of Tante Trude . Trude 's apartment was only a couple blocks from the cemetery , so Alex and I stopped there on the way back to Huschkagasse . We had not called ahead , but Trude was there . She didn 't get out much either and loved the intrusion in her day . She welcomed Alex and I to her back porch , got us something to drink , and asked us how Oma was doing . She was very sad to hear how much Oma had deteriorated since her visit , but she did not seem too surprised by it . She asked if it was time to arrange for a priest to visit , and I told her yes , I thought it was . She promised to see to it . Alex and I returned home where Oma was still resting . But as I sat with her I saw she was not really asleep , so I talked with her a bit . I told her about our walk , said hello for Trude , and apologized for all that I had put her through the past weeks . The room she lay in was full of windows and spring sunlight streamed in as she roused herself to hold me tight . She gave me a proper hug , and though she didn 't say a word I felt her love stream into me like the spring sun and I felt her forgiveness for all , her joy at simply having me here beside her . I sensed that her fear was receding . Whether that was the morphine or the way being prepared on the other side hardly mattered . This was a hug I would remember always , it was a hug that I needed and that helps me live with what was and what was to come . While Alex and I were in Vienna , my mother , Dagmar , had gone home to the US . Still , we had WiFi and Skype at Oma 's house and so we often talked with Dagmar , usually every day . She was very aware that the situation had turned for the worse and had prepared for that even before we got to Vienna in April . Dagmar had not only arranged for Anna to be present from Curavita , but also for Caritas to provide its Mobiles Hospiz service . Over the past weekend a year ago today we had only been able to get the mobile hospice doctor to visit , and she had suggested a significant change in the course of treatment . Later on April 26 the " house doctor , " Dr . B from down the street , finally came for a visit . I made sure Dagmar was available on Skype as he reviewed Oma 's condition and considered the advice of the hospice doctor . Dr . B was well aware that we had brought Oma home with an understanding that if things took a turn for the worse she wanted to stay at home to die , not return for further interventions at the hospital . Yet now , confronting what looked like the failure of multiple systems for Oma , he advised us to get her to a hospital , quickly . Yes , he acknowledged , he understood that we wanted only palliative care . But he insisted that our approach was immoral . He suggested we take Oma to Switzerland if we wanted to carry on with this course , there assisted suicide was legal . I was astounded , and very happy to have my mother , Oma 's daughter , on the Skype with me . He had to look her in the eye to say these things . I was so proud of Dagmar for sticking to what I knew Oma wanted . She 'd never wanted to live in a nursing home much less die in a hospital . Yet I found it nearly impossible to hold to the palliative course , I wanted to believe she would get better , I wanted my life in Vienna to never end , and Oma was my life in Vienna . I was afraid , and I know Dagmar was as well . But she was also strong , stuck to her guns , and insisted that we wanted only palliative care for Oma . Dr . B was very frustrated by the resistance . He eventually stormed out without even renewing the pain medication prescriptions we needed or reviewing the drugs the hospice doctor had recommended we drop . But before he left he agreed that if Dr . D concurred with us on the palliative course , he would accept it . Dr . D was Oma 's friend and a specialist at the private hospital where Oma had been cared for before coming home . He had been the one to call Dagmar in March with word that Oma would not likely last much longer . We had not seen much of him , though , in the past couple weeks , it was almost as though he had already said his goodbyes . We 'd also called him over the weekend , but he had not been able to get to the house . Later on April 26 , though , Dr . D did make it by to see Oma . He was shocked by what he found , " this is inhuman , " he exclaimed ! He was surprised we had been pushing IV liquids and he quickly approved all the changes the hospice doctor had recommended . He was in the house for barely ten minutes , but he set the course and gave us the bulwark we needed to deal with Dr . B . By the end of the day we all realized that Oma was lying in her deathbed , it was only a matter of time . Stubbornly I kept trying the wheelchair . On Sunday , April 25 , we made our last attempt . I took Oma into her garden for a few minutes . She just could not appreciate it . I have a video of one of our forays . I 'm not sure why I made it except perhaps to remind me of how simultaneously beautiful and awful this time was . It was such a privilege to be able to sit with Oma in this time . But so hard to bear the suffering . Looking at these images now , it is hard to imagine we believed she had any interest in recovery . I warn you , watching this video is very difficult . It does , though , give you a sense that spring had sprung , that Alex and Anna and I were present and attentive , but that even so Oma was fading away . " Bitte ins Bett , " please , in bed . This sunday the itching continued to be terrible for Oma . We tried to reach Dr . B or Dr . D but had no luck getting either to the house . We finally resorted to calling the hospice doctor . Dagmar had arranged to have Oma followed by the " mobile hospice " in Vienna , and their doctors , a rotating set of six or seven , were always on call . This Sunday the mobile hospice doctor came and reviewed all the medications that Oma was on . She thought that the medications indicated a kind of schizophrenic approach on our part . On the one hand we had brought Oma home saying that she was prepared to die at home and a palliative approach was our goal , on the other hand the medications indicated an ongoing battle toward a recovery . As we listened to the hospice doctor we realized that we had to come to peace with a choice here , that Oma had to come to peace with a choice . Somewhere in these days I sat by Oma 's side and tried to have a frank talk with her . I pointed out that when she asked doctors for relief , they would do what they could to keep her going and that would involve more medicine , more infusions , possibly even a return to the hospital . I told her that if she really wanted peace , she had to say no to this , it was OK for her to let go . We could give her medication for the pain , but we didn 't have to do all the rest . Oma seemed frightened of something . At night I would sometimes come down to her bed and find her mumbling prayers , I could make out " Mutter Gottes " so maybe these were Hail Marys ( " Mother of God " ) . I didn 't know what scared her , but I know her life had plenty of blemishes , and perhaps she was afraid of what waited her on the other side of death . Whatever it was , I got the clear impression she was fighting it , she was afraid of it . My mantra became , " it is OK , we will be OK , Oma , everything is good " to try to help calm her . The hospice doctor removed Oma 's catheter , noting that it just made us obsess about things we had no control over . Oma had been asking for the catheter to be removed for weeks , was it really so simple ? She told Anna that we could stop with the constant measurement of vitals ( blood pressure , pulse , blood sugar ) which Anna had been recording so carefully . I asked her to mark the medications she suggested we drop so I could discuss that with Dr . B , which she did . And she started Oma on morphine and left us with a small supply to continue . She brought peace to the house and relief to Oma , within hours the mood had shifted , much of the tension began to leave us . Needless to say , the roller coaster continues with Oma . This week has seen some highs , like a few trips in the wheelchair , including one visit to the garden for almost an hour , and lows , like a horrible battle against itching that was driving Oma mad . My very description of these events as highs or lows , though , betrays a perspective that may not be at all valid from Oma 's point of view . It is all but impossible to understand the world as she sees it , but I am pretty sure she would describe the week quite differently . Take the wheelchair … The doctors D and B and the physical therapist all stress the importance of exercise and getting out of bed . Her condition can 't improve without this work . Getting her into the wheelchair was , from this perspective , a victory . But Oma never wanted to do this . She hated the idea from the get - go . The whole time she was in the wheelchair she begged to be put back in bed . After a few days she accepted the inevitability of it , we insisted after all , and even ate breakfast with us in the wheelchair at the table . But when I 'd take her to the garden she would complain that she couldn 't see anything properly or hear the birds . She did not seem to enjoy the sunlight , the shade , the breeze , or her beautiful garden . She would moan and when words came out they would be simply , " please put me back in bed . " our victory was her defeat . This confused me , because when I asked her what she wanted for her future she would tell me that she wanted to get out of the bed . When I explain that out of bed means exercise today , wheelchair today , some hard work and , yes , some pain so that her muscles become strong again , she says , " no , not today , tomorrow , today I want peace . " So , really , what does she want ? The itching that started on Friday was fierce . It started on the soles of her feet and spread up her legs and to her bottom . We tried creams , gentle scratching , water , ice , everything we could think of to help her though the itching . Really , none of this helped much . By Saturday she was in such agony over the itching that she insisted we call the doctor , which made sense . She spoke herself with Dr . D on the phone , explaining how terrible this was and that she needed his visit . He told us to give her three more doses of Lasix which would help bring water out of her system , and said he would visit that night or at latest the next morning . We have not heard from him since . After a terrible Saturday night , we called the hospice doctor on Sunday . She came by twice . By the second visit it was clear that we had to do something more drastic if Oma was to have peace . The doctor gave Oma a shot of morphine . We also removed the catheter , something Oma had been asking for for quite a while . Oma soon fell into a deep sleep , breathing and snoring like I have not heard in a long time . This felt like a failure to me , the morphine made Oma disappear a bit . She does not seem to recognize me as well , she certainly cannot speak as well . To some extent , we 've lost her in this condition . But I imagine she might feel quite differently about this . All she has asked for for weeks is some peace . She wants us to leave her be , certainly in this condition physical exercises are the furthest thing from our mind . She has some peace . So my view of the world and the week is quite different from Oma 's , I imagine . When friends call the house and ask " how is she doing " I hardly know what to say . I 'm not at all sure what direction is up any longer . This morning , as the morphine began to wear off and the other pain drops had yet to take hold , Oma was again very agitated and clearly in pain . This time , though , she could not really communicate very clearly about the situation , her speech was still hindered by the morphine , I suppose . I ended up for the first time really praying over her . I prayed out loud , but not loud enough for her really to hear . I prayed to Utzi ( Dagmar 's sister ) that she help her mother let go and find a way to rest , to Uroma ( Oma 's mother ) that she welcome her daughter home , and to the mother of God that she grant Oma peace . As I mumbled these prayers over Oma she stilled and fell deeply asleep . It is hard for me to pray , since I am not even sure in what I believe , but I do know that I believe Utzi helps me . And I do think Oma believes in the power of prayer . Maybe Oma heard me , maybe Utzi heard me , maybe God had mercy … In any case , maybe I should pray some more ! So now we see if we can bring the other doctors really on board with the notion of purely palliative care for Oma . The house doctor is understandably reluctant about the idea . He wants to watch here blood values and adjust her medications to improve the chemistry as much as possible . I think we need to let go of as much of that as possible . The hospice doctor was wonderful , I hope we can leave Oma more in these caring hands , hands that think only of her wishes and comfort , hands that do not feel compelled to apply all human wisdom to the task of prolonging life . After all , Oma has a family on both sides of this border , maybe they are as eager to welcome her as we are reluctant to let her go . When I was six I spent a year in Austria with Oma and Opa . I returned often for weeks in the summer time . I have distant memories of walking in the woods with Oma as a young boy . Oma would take me mushroom hunting , digging around near the base of the trees to find the small mushrooms from which she 'd make a delicious soup . But as I grew up and Oma stopped walking in the woods , Vienna became more about the city for me , less about the woods . As I brought my own little family back to Austria we would explore the city and go out to other parts of Austria for the country . We might take the bus up to Kahlenberg , but the paths and meadows of the Vienna woods were more or less lost to me . One of the last things I remember doing with my grandfather was going for a walk . Opa , it turns out , used to walk quite a bit . One day he asked me to come along . I don 't remember him saying much , but he walked like he was on a mission . His hands were folded behind his back as he took sturdy strides into the hills around Grinzing . I was lost quickly enough and just followed along . I remember climbing up the hills into the vineyards . At times we walked right though the vineyards , not even on any path . It was a long walk , I was surprised Opa had it in him . Many years later as an angry father in a pique of temper with my family I escaped into the Vienna afternoon and decided to just walk . It was dreary and gray and I carried an umbrella . Soon it began to rain , I just kept walking . I tried to let Opa , long gone by this time , guide me . With a vague memory of our one walk together I stormed into the vineyards and just kept going . As I walked a stiff fog drifted over me , obscuring anything more than a few feet around me . I found a road and just followed it upward . Eventually , in the mists above me I saw the abandoned hotel at Kahlenberg looming over me . I just kept going , I had a lot of self loathing to burn off . I walked from Kahlenberg to Leopoldsberg and then down what felt like a thousand stairs to the small village below . From there I found the Donau , walked along its banks to Nussdorf , and then eventually back to Grinzing . By the time I got home four hours had passed , darkness had fallen , the rain had stopped , my temper had been tamed , and I was in love with walking in the hills . I thanked Opa for showing me the way . Ever since , walking in the woods and vineyards around Grinzing became a balm and joy of being in Vienna . I took Mary , Alex , and Nathaniel into the hills . We learned how to walk up to Cobenzl and Kahlenberg , we learned our way around the woods . Alex particularly enjoyed exploring with me . Various meadows and twists in the woods would rise out of my memory like Kahlenberg through the rainy mists . I knew these places , these were my places , these were Oma 's places . She no longer walked these paths , but I would always return and describe what we 'd seen and she always knew where we 'd been . These last days with Oma were incredibly trying . A year ago today , things took a turn for the worse . An itching started . Oma complained and asked us to scratch . First it was scratching her feet , then her legs or back . The itching was relentless . The nights were restless as Oma seemed to get no sleep at all and called for Anna and I all night long . The house I 'd grown up in had become something else , filled with an expectant quite or a terrible pain . It was a place of suffering . The woods became a refuge , and the stories I brought back of what we 'd seen walking always seemed to help Oma also find a moment of peace . I think she was happy that not every minute of our day was spent tending her , that we still found a way to enjoy the spring that was erupting all around us . Oma joined us for breakfast today . We got her into the wheelchair and rolled her to the table in the living room . But she couldn 't stand it . She was in pain , which was to be expected since she spent so much of her time in bed . She just asked to go back . For fifteen minutes here lament was " Bitte ins Bett . " Please , back to bed . Breakfast had some of the trappings of the life we 'd known with Oma , we gave her the newspaper , her boiled egg , her coffee , her pills . But she didn 't touch the paper , and frowned as she ate . She was mad at us for putting her through this . It would be the last time I sat at the table with her . Did she notice the spring sun coming through her grand living room windows ? Could she appreciate the warmth growing on the breeze ? All I heard was her pain and frustration . When Alex and I walked in the woods I tried to carry some piece of Oma with me , to help her escape a bit . I know it was an escape for me . I remember a year ago today with pain and wonder . I was beginning to really push Oma . We now had the pieces for her recovery assembled . Her friends had visited her and encouraged her . Anna was caring for her . Her doctors were attending her and adding fluids to the mix with an infusion . The physical therapist had given us exercises . The wheelchair was ready . We were cooking for her and sitting with her and praying for her . We just needed her to get on board with the notion that she would get out of bed . Oma was very tired by this time of day because she was staying awake much of the night . She would ring for Anna or call out for me through the night . We tried to not attend to her at night to encourage her to sleep . Sometimes I 'd just sit with her silently . Sometimes I wouldn 't do that much . But it was hard to here the calls through the night , and it was even more frustrating that then she would not have the energy to work on her recovery in the daytime . She asked for peace in the daytime , we would pray for peace at night . When I asked Oma if she wanted to get better , she would tell me that , of course , yes , she did . Tomorrow . Not today . Today she wanted peace . I focussed on tomorrow , how would we reach that tomorrow without taking some action today ? I pressed her to exercise and especially to get in the wheelchair . She simply had to sit up if she was to improve . In retrospect , I think I lost track of today . Oma told me she wanted to get out of bed tomorrow , but today she wanted peace . Why could I not give her that peace today , and simply let tomorrow take care of itself when we got there ? One of the great lessons of my time with Oma these last weeks was to learn to focus on the moment . Unfortunately I have not yet mastered this and I certainly was not practicing it with her . A year ago today I captured Oma 's frustration and anguish in pictures and sound . I share them here as a reminder , we don 't have to do this . It was in my power to give Oma exactly what she wanted , I refused . Did I win ? No , Oma got what she wanted anyway . I could have been a lot more graceful in granting her that wish , though . E : Yea . That was good . You should also pray with your feet . So tomorrow we will get in the wheelchair twice . How many times will we do the exercises , the practice from the physical therapist ? Four times ? E : Then how many times ? We should do this five times each day , he said . Five times a day . This is your pain medication , the exercise . You said no to four times . So how many ? Should we do this five times tomorrow . E : No . That 's not enough , Oma . That is definitely not enough , he said five times each day . O : ( quietly ) Please . E : So you … ( pauses ) … it has to be more than once . E : Not yet , because you said one time and that 's not enough , and you know that . And it is daytime , you don 't need peace in the day . Once you get out of bed you can go in another room , close the door , and then I would not be able to get in . ( sighs and pauses ) I am happy that you at least don 't have any pain right now . That 's good . But look , later it will hurt again , and then you will know that the exercises were not enough today .
|
My blogging buddy showed up this morning . She is not an axe murderer , but she is a terrifier of small dogs . She , her partner and daughter have been here all day and we really have had a wonderful time . You know how when you read a book and then see the movie and the characters don 't fit ? In your imagination they looked different , sounded different , behaved differently . Well , that is the opposite of what is happening with this visit . It is not that I had very particular picture of them , but everything that I had imagined fits with who they are . I don 't feel like this is the first time I have met them - - more like meeting good friends after a long absence . So mostly it has been a good time . Everyone has gotten along with every one else . Except of course for the puppy . He 's not really good with visitors . He often won 't accept them until after we make it very clear that we like the new - comers . In this case the puppy was initially worried , but my my friend 's daughter completely won him over . Though she has been willing to divide her attention among all the animals , mostly she and the Shih Tzu have bonded . And then my blogging buddy decided she would play with the puppy . Unfortunately her version of playing with the puppy was to raise both hands and growl ( or was it a roar ? ) at the puppy . Surprisingly he did not actually piss himself . He did however bark to raise the dead . He may be small , but he was determined to scare away the monster in my kitchen - - except that he was terrified to get close to it . I finally had to call Brian and ask him to take the dog outside and calm him . While the dog was outside I gave my blogging buddy some dog treats to bribe him with . She went to great lengths - - even transfered the scent of fake doggy bacon to her shoes ! When the dog came back in she offered treats and eventually even taught him to sit . It took a while but the puppy has decided that she is safe . I don 't know that she will ever be his best buddy , that place being of course taken by her daughter , but at least the dog is no longer aPosted by I said I wanted to write a post on why the charming / innocent / wide - eyed princess behavior is so difficult to respond to . I don 't necessarily mean that it is more difficult than other behaviors to deal with calmly . Which behaviors affect us emotionally depend on different factors , including our own personalities . What I mean is that it is difficult to know how to respond to it . It is the sort of behavior that gets reinforced . Let 's take a simple case : imagine dealing with a kid who speaks disrespectfully to you . You can ( 1 ) clearly explain what behavior you want the child to stop ; ( 2 ) explain and model the sort of behavior you want in its place ; ( 3 ) refuse to respond to the negative behavior ; and ( 4 ) reward the positive behavior . Now it might not be easy to do this consistently , but at least you know what you need to do . The child calls you a b * tch and you pretend not to hear or remind the child that that is inappropriate . The child does not get your attention until after he or she addresses you appropriately . See ? Simple . Not necessarily easy to do , but simple to plan . But what do you do about a Princess ? How do you explain what is wrong with making your eyes too wide , or using that particularly sweet tone of voice , or smiling while making eye contact ? How do you model the behavior you want ? How do you explain to someone who is seven or fourteen or forty what the difference is ? But let 's say somehow you manage that . Somehow you get the person to understand the difference . First , be sure to write up how you did it and send it to the rest of us . Second , you need to figure out how to only reward the non - manipulative behavior . Please forgive me , but I 'm going to give an example from dog training . You may know that if you want your dog to stop doing something , you must not reward the behavior , ever . Our Cattle Dog tends to bark at us when we are playing fetch with her . She brings us the ball and we pick it up ( with the plastic ball - throwing device ) and she barks at us . We have been trying to stop this behavior for years , but Posted by Have I mentioned recently that Andrew is very perceptive ? He watches people . He understands them . He understands me . I picked him up from a sleep - over and he got in and said , " What 's wrong ? " I told him that I was having trouble shaking the mood over what Rhonda did last night . He knows me well enough to ask what happened this morning . " It was stupid . I don 't even know why it upset me so much . I tried to make casual conversation and she interrupted me to ask for candy . I just keep seeing those wide innocent eyes and I feel angry all over again . " " So basically you 're angry because you got taken ? " He 's right , of course . " Yeah , I guess so . I don 't usually fall for their stuff ! " " I know . Why did you ? " " Mandy set me up . It 's all her fault ! " Okay , I 'll be the grownup , or I 'll try . It is the having been taken in that makes it so infuriating . I can understand that " charm and manipulate " technique has been her strategy for dealing with whatever it is that she has had to deal with . Who knows , it may have saved her life . Like all survival strategies it is not going to go away because it annoys me . Right now , as I write I am calm , sane , and understanding . I could , and may later , write a long thoughtful post about how one could possibly deal with this behavior . It is one of those things that it is almost impossible not to reinforce in the course of daily activities . I mean , if a kid throws fits you can walk out and then give them attention when . . . wait . . . I said I might write that post later . The point is that that is the mood that I am in right now . I don 't know if I will be able to hold it though . I mean , take a three second interaction we had when Hubby brought her home from school . I expected her to be moody , angry or hurt because I had given her the cold shoulder this morning . She instead gave me a huge grin , wide eyes and said , " hi ! " And my initial , automatic reaction was to smile back in response . And she turned and walked off with a stride that seemed to me to be triumphant ( although that could have been my imagination ) . And I thouPosted by The girls are making me crazy . I think part of it is increased expectations , combined with the very high level of restriction that the girls are on . Mandy went on and on about how nice these girls were , suggesting that they are the very best behaved girls she had ever sent me . They go to summer school and then fall asleep afterwards . I have not been getting them up , which I probably should . Sleeping half the day means of course that they are awake when I am asleep . I don 't think there are doing anything worse that talking , laughing and eating , but who knows . Evan is up those hours , which is somehow comforting . I took them shopping a couple of times but whenever I did they ask . . . wait , it is not " they " . . . it is always Rhonda . Only fourteen , taller than Quiana , and very wide - eyed and innocent , she is always the one to ask , " Yondalla , can we . . . " Quiana , sixteen , stays in the background , out of my peripheral vision even . Okay . . . so we are in the big box store and the Rhonda says , her arms crossed around herself , almost shivering , " Yondalla , I 'm so cold . Can we wait for you outside the door where it is warm ? " Sure I say . I don 't think it is cold , certainly whatever temperature it is inside has to be better than the 100 degrees it is outside , but sure , let them stand in the heat . They agree to stay outside the glass where I can see them . After a minute I go to the door and look out . They are going through the large stand - up ashtray looking for cigarette butts . Okay , gross . On the up - side if they are digging for used butts they probably don 't have their own cigarettes . It is annoying that I apparently can 't let them out of my sight without them being gross , but at this point I have a sense of humor about it . I was told to keep them where I could see them . I 'm annoyed that apparently I am to take that quite literally . We go to the next store and divide up . I rush around to buy the groceries and Hubby takes the kids to get a cold drink and makes them stay with him . Last evening they pleaded to be allowed to go for a run . They werPosted by I 'm pretty aggressive about teaching my kids about privacy on the Internet . I 'm on their friend 's list in My * Space . They both have fake names and no other identifying information . I 've told them again and again , that even if you think you are getting to know someone really well , you can 't be certain they are telling you the truth . " Never give our address or phone number to anyone . " So there were understandably shocked when I told them that blogging friend would be stopping by here on her way to visit family . Well , shocked might not be the right word , but there is nothing kids like better than being able to " catch " their parents breaking their own rules . " At our house ? " " Well , yes . I was going to meet her in Other City , but it turns out that it would be easier for her just to drop by here . We 'll have a cook - out , we 'll have a great time . " " You gave our address to someone you met over the Internet ? " " Um . . . well , yeah . But she blogs too and we have been emailing for almost a year and half and we 've talked on the phone . I trust her . " " But what if she is an axe murderer or something ? " " Well , I really don 't think she would set up a blog , write fictious things about herself for eighteen months so that she could drive something like 1000 miles so that she can murder us in our back yard . " But I think I did blush just a bit . I mean I really have told them to never , ever do that . I 'm not sure how long it will be before they stop teasing me about this . But I can take it . It will be the first time that I have been able to meet any of folks that live in my computer . I 'm looking forward to it . Unless , of course , she turns out to be an axe murderer . Well , I searched their stuff . There is no hair spray or aerosols of any kind . Teenage girls don 't really use hair spray , do they ? I mean , not on their hair . The boys just use gels . I guess they just buy them for huffing . I 'm really tempted to think that I don 't have the huffing girls . Mandy gets a range and she always gives me the " good " ones . These girls are the youngest - seeming of any respite kid I 've ever had . They giggle , watch kiddie movies . The brought their Care Bears , for criminy sake 's . ( I had to take one away from the dog who was cuddling with it . It 's slightly damp , but not damaged . ) I 'll put away the evil substances ( thanks Becky ) and then not worry about it . I forgot how much teenage girls giggle . Most of the girls that I get from Mandy are earnest , concerned about their future , or at the very least wanting to complain about the other girls at the house . Sometimes they are happy , but even then it is a quieter thing . They seem older than their years , and yet less skilled than their peers . But these girls . They are so normal , at least so far . They giggle . They wanted to watch Finding Nemo . The chatted with each other . They giggled . I finally asked them what was so funny , which made them giggle so hard they could hardly breathe . I don 't think they were really laughing about anything . I took them grocery shopping and they were thrilled that I would allow them to pick out some things . I was going for basic healthy foods . They were cautious at first , but once I let them pick out a flavor of ice cream they started asking for chips and soda , which I refused . They have summer school , which means that they are gone for 4 hours every morning . - - The phone just rang . It was Quiana social worker . She told her mom that that the girls were huffing hair spray . Quiana was not clear about which girls she was talking about . Did it include Rhonda ? Herself ? The social worker wants me to make certain they don 't have any hair spray and would like for me to guard all the huffable substances . I 'm not even certain what those are . Sigh . I 'm not certain about everything that is huffable . Anyone know ? Mandy just dropped off two girls . Originally she said that Olivia would be coming , who is her actual niece . She got permission though to take Olivia with her , out of state , so I have two girls whom I have never met before . So they need blog names . I 'm up to Q . There are not a lot of good " Q " names though . I refuse to call a girl " Queenie . " So Quiana it is , I guess . I 'll call the other one Rhonda . ( Quiana is the one with lighter hair ; just so you know . . . . actually just so I 'll remember ) . When Mandy dropped them off she told them that she only brings me the best girls , so they have to be good . Mandy , as I have mentioned before , works for a different private program , one that specializes in kids with behavioral issues , although sometimes she gets girls only because she takes teenage girls and not a lot of people do . Still , the rules require me to babysit them . They are not allowed to leave the property alone . One has a boyfriend who may visit for a couple of hours , but they have to stay in line of sight . Limited phone calls . All that . In any case I find I am glad that there are two of them . Hopefully they will entertain each other and not puppy - dog me very much . I 'm just a teensy bit tired after Faye 's visit . Someone emailed me and asked about what questions you should ask about teens before agreeing to take them as foster placments . I thought it would be a good post , and hopefully others will add whatever I forgot in the comments . 1 . History in care : how long have they been in care , or in and out of care ? How many placements have they had ? Why did their placements disrupt ? 2 . Do they have a history of making allegations of abuse ? - - This is a sad reality . Abuse sometimes happens . David called his social worker to report abuse two different times , and he was right to do so . On the other hand the fact that Miss E had reported nearly every foster parent she had had was one of the reasons we would not accept her . I spoke with Miss E about her experiences . She believes what she reports , and she even describes actual events . Her take on those events though shows some pretty distorted thinking ( e . g . one piece of evidence that Mandy was emotionally manipulative was that she told the girls that she loved them ) . - - How your agency deals with this issue can affect how you will respond . Allegations of abuse must be investigated , that is the law . They may also be required to remove children from your home while it is going on . But some agencies and social workers will be kind and understanding and actually try to support you emotionally while you go through the process . 3 . Are they sexually active ? - - Expect them to say " yes . " You need to know if they are responsible about birth control , have age appropriate partners and have sex in appropriate places . 4 . How do they deal with conflict and their own anger ? - - Don 't accept " fine " for an answer , and don 't expect that they are going to be able to deal with this well . You do want to know though whether they are sulkers ( Carl , sometimes ) , or do they say nothing but simply decide you are somehow the bad one and prepare just to move on ( David , Faye , Miss E ) , or do they scream at you using words you don 't even use ( Ann , many of the respite girls ) . Or do they actually tell you that they are angry anPosted by Lesson # 4We went back to the parking lot and drove up and down the aisles , practicing making turns and staying in the corrent lane . Then I asked him if he wanted to get out of the road . Without really warning him in advance , I sent him down a road that turned into a country high way . We spent nearly an hour driving around . He had to go as high as 65 miles an hour . Up hills , down hills lots of twists and turns . He did really well . In my limited expereience , emancipating foster kids come in two groups : the ones who want to move out on their 18th birthdays and those who would rather not move out at all . Which way they will go depends upon many factors , but I have learned that trying to convince someone to stay in care when they have already decided not to is rather like trying to convince someone to quit smoking . Getting them to agree that one option is clearly the rational choice is the easy part . At the most fundamental , the decision is not a rational one . It is not about what is in their long - term best interest . Imagine : you 're in a job you really hate . No , you are in jail . For years you have been dreaming of the day you will leave . The only thing that got you through was the dream of your release date . You have felt unwanted , unloved . You have had different wardens who have different rules . Some have given you passes for the occasional field trip , but some have not . In any case an outside supervisor has to approve everything . That ouside supervisior changes regularly too . They say they are trying to help you , but what they are really doing is micromanaging you . And you have been looking forward to the release date . You have dreamt of it . Some days it was the only thing that got you through . And then it approaches as everyone starts saying , " Why don 't you sign up for another year ? You know it will be easier to finish high school if you stay . " Some kids who left tell you that it is not as easy out there as you think . It looks pretty out there , but it is a whole lot more difficult than you think . They wish they had just stuck it out for that extra year . Their lives would be so much easier . But you have friends who were never in this prison at all . You have a place you can stay when you leave . The warden and the supervisor says , " But what it doesn 't work out ? What if it goes bad ? " But you know these people and they don 't . And so , Dear Reader , are you there in your imagination ? Are you standing in the grey prison hallway looking at the sunshine pastPosted by Since Faye has found out that her emancipation plan was falling through she has been calling relatives , every single one of whom has apparently said that she is welcome to move in on her birthday . Still she was leaning towards seeing if she could live with Marsha . She sees the advantages - - there 's the free everything of course . She knows it would be a good idea . But she just came out to the living room , " I just talked to my great aunt . She says I can live with her . That 's probably what I will do . " I 'm tired , working on a sudoku puzzle and say absently , " Really ? You mean rather than trying to move in with Marsha ? " " Yeah . " " Why ? " " Because I 'm a little sh * t and I want to mess up my life . I 'm going to do the wrong thing even if it is going to mess everything up . " " Oh . " " I just don 't want to be in foster care anymore . I don 't care if it f * cks up my life . " " Okay . " Sorry kiddo , I 'm too emotionally exhausted to argue with you . Such a frustrating day . Yesterday I ask Faye what time her foster mother is picking her up . She doesn 't know . Probably not in the morning , but it could be . FM does not have a cell phone or anything so she can 't call . Today she sits around all day . She has no idea what 's happening . Then midafternoon . " I probably won 't be able to go home until tomorrow . None of the social workers work on Sunday . " " Isn 't your FM coming to pick you up ? " " Her ? No . She won 't drive anyone anywhere . " " How were you planning on getting home ? " " I don 't know . " " You don 't know what the original plan was ? " " I don 't know how I 'm getting home . " So I call the social worker 's cell phone number ( yeah , I know ) and leave a message . While we are waiting to get called back she tells me that she was going to be at her friend 's birthday party today . ( It is this friend 's mother that she was planning on living with . ) " How were you going to get there ? " " Well , she [ the mom ] was going to pick me up for the party and take me home afterwards . " " So that was the original plan for getting home ? " " Yeah . But who knows how I will get home now . Maybe I will just have to spend another night . " Okay , call your FM and see what she thinks of the situation . She takes the phone into the other room and comes out later . " She says it is okay if I spend another night . " Sigh . Okay . Sure . Whatever . The social worker calls back , " So I talked to the FM and she says Faye worked out staying another night . I can pick her up at 4 : 00 . Is that okay with you ? " Yeah . Sure . Whatever . I tell Faye . Faye says okay and then a little while later . " You know . I 've got everything packed . If you wanted to take me home tonight it would be okay . " " Do you want to go home tonight ? " " I don 't care . " " Faye , we like you , and you are welcome to spend another night , and if you want go home today you can . " " Okay . " " So I will call the social worker and tell her we 're taking you home ? " " I guess . " I call . We talk . I 'll take her home tonight . It 's like 30 miles away , but it 's fine . The phone rings . It is the boyfriend . Faye talks to him . " YoPosted by I hate to give links to blogs when I am being critical of what they have said or what their commentors have said . I have read files containing descriptions of abuse that have made me vomit . Certainly they have made me give up any idea that G - d is in control of the details of this world . As far as G - d goes , there are two main possibilities : there is no G - d ; or for various reasons G - d has decided not to interfere . If I believed that there were a divine plan that included or required that a small child be raped , I would think that the divine planner was a sadistic demon . I would believe it my moral obligation to fight against such a demon , and if he were all - powerful and told me I would go to a fire pit of torment if I did not join his side , I would hope I had the courage of Job ( who was NOT patient ) and would respond " I know my redeemers lives , " and you , demon , are not that redeemer . I would hope that , like Job , I would have the strength to believe in a G - d that was just even if one respected religious leader after another showed up at my door to convince me to repent and bow down before the so - called G - d of suffering . There are people who should never have had children . People who have done terrible things to children . Often our child welfare system does not work well . Children go unprotected . Children are sometimes , perhaps many times , sent back to parents who are still unable to keep those kids safe . But we have no right , absolutely no right , to assume without knowing that any particular parent is evil , incompetent , or undeserving . If we have only half the story , then we have only half the story . So take this story : a child goes into foster care at age two . Even though the foster family moved to a different state , the mother still visited with him every other week . Amazing . So many mothers are overwhelmed by their lives and by the condemnation they fear from the people they will have to deal with that they cannot make themselves go . This mother did . She kept visiting . It took her eight years , but she pulled it off . Posted by I don 't think I was very clear about this , but the person that Faye was planning on moving in with on her 18th birthday was also involved in the drama . This person , Faye learned last night , has decided that allowing Faye to move in is not wise . I 'm glad , for Faye 's sake , that she decided this now and not , say , one month after Faye had left care . Faye of course is fairly devastated - - in that way that kids who have been knocked around by life have of being upset while emotionally closing down and moving on . She said that she wished she could live here , and accepted it when I said that that would not work for us . She started listing various aunts who might be persuaded to let her live with them , and I suggested that she talk to her social worker about Marsha . Miss E will be moving out in July . Faye seemed to be seriously considering that option . Personally I think it would be perfect . Faye would stay in comprehensive care until she finishes high school . She really can 't stay where she is now . It was intended as a temporary placement . The house is quite full . So much so that many of Faye 's possessions are in storage . Well , we shall see what happens . The tire store actually honored the guarantee - - at least in part . They asked what happened . I told them the truth . They took off 50 % of the price of the original tire , which was close to 40 % of the cost of the new . So not too bad . Lesson 3I took the car and Andrew to the big empty parking lot at the college . I do mean big here - - it used to be three blocks of houses . He just drove around for a while . He practiced pulling in and out of parking spaces . After nearly an hour of driving in the lot I had him drive from one end to the other weaving between the light poles . He did it fine - - so I told him to do it going backwards . " Seriously ? " " Yep . You can go as slowly as you want . " He did it . Then I had him drive us home . On the actual roads . Okay , so we snaked through the neighborhood roads at 15 miles an hour , but they were real roads and we did see a few other cars . Yesterday I took Andrew to the DMV and he passed the written , so now he has a permit . Lesson OneOn the way home I stopped in new housing development . Most of the houses were still under construction . It was a good place to practice - - real roads and almost no traffic . Andrew drove slowly and carefully . He hugged the curbs . I had to tell him that he should look where he wanted the car to go and not at the big truck he wanted to avoid . He agreed that did make it easier . He asked questions about when to push the gas and when to push the break . He even backed up to make a couple of turns . It was a great start . Lesson TwoSo today we went and got into our station wagon and I asked him if he wanted to back out of the driveway . He said he thought he could do it . It was a bit jerky , but he pulled out pretty well . He got out in the road and saw a car coming at us . He was a bit worried but I told him he was fine . There was room for the person to go around us . He stopped ; the other driver went past us and I said , " Okay , turn the wheel to the right and go forward . " Unfortunately I did not say , " Okay , put the car in drive , turn the wheel and go forward . " He punched the gas . We flew backward , over the curb - - both right side tires went up on the sidewalk . My car is currently at the tire shop getting a new front right tire . The old tire has a guarantee still , but I think that just covers normal driving , not teenagers driving on sidewalks . The only other damage is to my vocal cords . For some reason they 're a little sore . Andrew has a girlfriend . He is right now reading the driver 's manual . He wants me to take him to the DMV to take his written test so that he can get his permit and then start teaching him to drive . He will be 18 this fall and this is the first time he has really shown any interest in driving . At least enough to do anything about it . Anyone think there 's a connection ? I just had a short conversation with Faye . I ended up asking her what it would take to get more kids to stay in care past their 18th birthdays . What would it take to get her to stay ? " Just let me do whatever I want ! Geez , I 'm 18 . I mean I 'm living in your house , but let me do what I want to do . Like Evan does . " Sigh . Evan does have an enormous amount of freedom . We have given up on assigning him a particular chore . When he is home though we often ask him to do something and he will do it . I tend not to see him , even though it is summer . He gets home late , goes to his room and is on his phone or computer . He then wakes up in time to leave for work at 1 : 00pm . On his days off he is usually around , likes to spend time chatting with us , and will do whatever chore we ask him to do , although we don 't ask him to do much . He picks up after himself , pays his rent , and is polite and considerate . Sometimes he does go out on dates and we don 't ask him for details . Once or twice he has told us that he is going to be gone for the night and I have told him that I appreciate him telling me , that I would probably worry otherwise . And Faye wants to live just like him . With a few exceptions of course . Like she doesn 't want to get a job . Her social worker tried to make an appointment with her to help her look for a job and she was outraged . She told her social worker that she was " quite capable of getting a job on her own . " She hung up and rolled her eyes . " Did you hear that ? Did you hear what she said to me ? Help me find a job , like I can 't do that . I am capable of finding a job . I can do it . I just don 't f * * king want to . " She doesn 't see how she could possibly find a job . I mean she is only going to live in the place where she is for two months and then she is going to move in with her friend 's mom . I said , " But she isn 't licensed . You won 't be in comprehensive care . You will have to pay rent . " Faye , " I know . " Me , " So you will have to go to school and work . " Faye , " I know . " I took a deep breath and did not point out her absence of siginificant wPosted by I 've been keeping to my strict rules about the Faye 's boyfriend . He may meet her in the backyard . He may not come inside the house except rarely to use the restroom . No , he may not shower here . No , he may not go with us to the grocery store . Faye may not go hang out with him and his friends . Faye has been relatively complacent with these rules , knowing that it is the best deal she is going to get and that if she doesn 't follow them she will find herself moved to another respite placement . The backyard is not a bad place . Though it has been getting quite warm even hot , there is a very shady nice place to hang out . They have just enough privacy that they can 't be overheard . We can also see them well enough to know that they are still there and still clothed , but there is partial obstruction of view too . I ignore the amount of food that disappears from my kitchen into the back yard . I don 't let him inside for a variety of reasons . I do think that there is a real risk of petty theft , although that might be balanced by him knowing that if anything did disappear we would suspect him . I let him into the back yard so that Faye will not feel the need to lie and sneak off to meet him . I said as much to her social worker while Faye was standing next to me . Not letting him into the house , and sticking to that , is a way of communicating to Faye my attitude regarding this young man . But I also don 't let him into the house so that he cannot charm me , which he so easily could . He does not present as a dangerous guy ; more like a child lost in the woods . He has a genuinely bad mother . He is on the edge of homelessness as he finds it impossible to live with her and so does everything he can to avoid going home . He considers himself homeless and generally sleeps with different friends . He dropped out of high school , is nineteen years old , and does not have a job . Faye tells me his mother has given him one month to find a job and an apartment ( suggesting that he is still allowed in his mother 's house even if he does not want to be there ) . Posted by I was in a phone conference yesterday and we were talking about some statistics regarding GLBTQ kids in care . One had to do with the youth 's ( all the youth ) perceptions of the level of acceptance among social workers . In my mind it was shockingly low . I found it deeply disturbing that so many of the youth were not confident that the workers were supportive of GLBTQ youth . I started to brain storm on some ideas . When I finished a ( presumably hetero ) foster care alum commented , " I think that is just reflective of where society is right now . " I was momentarily speechless . I think that is why it bothers me right now to the degree that it does . I wish I had been articulate in explaining why complacency in the face of oppression is unacceptable . I wish I had not spent the next 1o seconds sputtering for words and not finding any . And of course the conversation when moved on . And I woke up this morning still thinking about it . I want to rage against someone . I want to scream . I want to go to this woman , who knows she does not have any problem with homosexuality because she has gay friends , and tell her how deeply offensive it was to say what she said . " This is where we are right now . " Don 't expect too much . Don 't demand more . So what if half the youth think that program workers are not supportive of queer youth ? What else would they think ? The youth 's perceptions might even be right . And maybe that is what is bothering me . She did say that last part . That it might not be a perception problem , that the youth may be right about the level of acceptance . She looks at that and shrugs . It is just where the society is . What else can we expect ? I look at that and think , " This is unacceptable . Something must be done . " Martin Luther King was right . He said it so well in the Letter From the Birmingham Jail . Such an attitude stems from a tragic misconception of time , from the strangely irrational notion that there is something in the very flow of time that will inevitably cure all ills . Actually , time itself is neutral ; it can be used destruPosted by I appreciate the kind words and even suggestions for helping Faye . I 'm staying detached from her though . She is here for a two - week respite . She is turning 18 in August and determined to move out . Those of you who have done foster care for kids that age know that trying to convince one of them to reconsider moving out is like trying to turn back and avalanche . I might try if she was placed with me , but she isn 't . Evan has actually been the one to point out to her the advantages of staying ( " free rent , food , everything , why would you walk away from that ? " ) and the difficulty of finishing high school any other way . Hubby and I were tempted to offer our house as a placement for her senior year . But that was before the bad - boy boyfriend pulled his stunt . It is just as well . Brian has a hard time with people leaving and he does not need for two people to go at the same time . Also , we promised Andrew that he would be the only senior in the house next year " It 's not that I want to be the center of attention , Mom . It 's just that last year is so stressful and there 's only so much we all can take . " That would sound like a lame cover for wanting to be the center of attention if it came from just about anyone else , but Andrew is the observer of the household and he is right . We have stuck to our guns about Bad - Boy having to stay in the backyard and Faye not leaving with him . She has been remarkably accepting . She asked if he could come in and take a shower yesterday and we said no , although I have allowed him supervised visits to the toilet ( well , not supervised IN the bathroom ) . Earlier she asked if they could hang out with his friends . Inside I was laughing hysterically and saying , " Are you INSANE ? OF COURSE NOT ! " Fortunately I realized that she was almost certainly asking because he asked her to ask and so I said quietly , " Given what happened last week , I don 't think that would be appropriate . " And Faye accepts these decisions . She knows it is the best she is likely to get . She is able to see him because I will let him into thPosted by I keep thinking that maybe I should tell you what is going on with Faye , but I feel like her story is old and tired . To her it is new and fresh . It is real and full of love and pain . And that is the tragedy of it all . If I were to see this as a movie preview there is no way I would buy a ticket . Even on one dollar night . I would sigh and wonder why anyone would re - tell the story about the bright young woman who thinks that she , and she alone , can see and bring out the good in her man . It would be boring if it didn 't promise to be so tragic . And then there is the other story , the one about the foster kid who could stay in comprehensive care until 3 months after graduation , even if that meant she was 20 years old , but who instead plans on packing her bags and walking into the world on her 18th birthday . So what if she has one more year of high school ? She will finish . She has a plan . And the adults say , " I know it looks like a good plan , but if anything , anything , goes wrong it will all fall apart . " But the stories are not old and tired to her . They fresh and new and real . Nothing will go wrong , and the man she loves will be everything she knows he can be . We don 't celebrate Father 's Day or Mother 's Day when we have kids here on respite , and we seem always to have kids here on one day or the other . Oh the boys will quietly tell their father Happy Father 's Day and if Hubby wants to go out to a movie or anything , they 'll go . I 'll cook one of the things that I know he likes for dinner , and he will know why . But it is all very . . . stealthy . I always figure these days are pretty much " foster child hell days . " A day in which we celebrate all that they don 't have . For kids here on respite it is especially painful but even for my most secure permanent - placement kids , it is bitter - sweet at best . On Father 's Day they look at Hubby and wonder what if they had had a father like that . What if their father helped them with the homework and did not get shot by other gang members , or imprisoned for attacking their mothers , or simply disappeared ? What is when their mothers brought new men into their lives it was someone quiet who liked kids and respected their boundaries and did not molest or beat them , sell their belongings , and say such horrible things ? No , these days are for them days of " what if 's " , of watching everyone else celebrate what they should have had but did not . When all the kids in the house have been here for a long time , we celebrate , but still keep it low key . Carl , David , Evan participate to the degree they wish . They usually tell Hubby " Happy Father 's Day " and if there is going to be any eating out they certainly want in on it . However , if they prefer to spend the day at the movies with friends , they know they will be allowed . So in our house it will be a day much like any other day . It 's not Father 's Day here . Just a day , like any other day , except one in which Hubby gets some stealthy extra attention . So I left you off with my doing deep breathing exercises in front of an angry Brian . I really was upset . I stayed calm , but I hardly behaved like the perfect mommy . I tried to get him to talk about how upset he was about the weekend , but he wanted to focus on how he had been trying to tell me and I hadn 't listened . The conversation was civil , but not the comforting that he needed . He brought it up again last night , brave soul that he is . We talked about it for a while and we did work things out . There were tears , hugs and reconciliation . His claim that he had been trying to tell me turns out not to be without justification . My inability to understand the significance behind the words he was using is completely understandable . But that is not what I want to talk about . I want to talk why that weekend was so upsetting to him . Brian was still seven when we left . I may have said he he was eight , but that was wrong . He was still seven . When we started care we , like most foster parents , did not explain foster care to our kids . We gave them the information that we thought they needed and then they filled in the details . So what we told them went something like this , " Carl 's mom died a couple of years ago and nobody knows where his dad is . So Carl is in a special program that finds families for him to live with . We could join that program and he could live with us . " The boys were excited . They slowly learned more about the reasons why kids were in care , but it wasn 't because I was ever careful about giving them complete and accurate information . Brian in the beginning was only five and I did not want to tell him the truth . That was a mistake . I told him , " There are all sorts of reasons why sometimes parents can 't take care of their kids . " That was another mistake . I did reassure him that he was ours forever and that he would never go to foster care , but I think that assurance did not fill up the space of his anxiety . It did not because I did not understand that he was really worried . He needed more assurance than I was giving hPosted by We all have Verizon cell phones . Brian however has been getting calls with a pre - recorded messages twice a week , " This is Cingular , now AT & T . There is a problem with your wireless account . Please call us back at this 800 number so that we can resolve it . " I called back the number and asked why AT & T was calling my 13 - year - old who had a Verizon phone . It took a while to convince her that I wasn 't kidding . " Can you give me your son 's phone number ? " I did so . " That number is not ours . " " That 's sort of the point . " " Pardon ? " " Your company is calling him every few days and it is not your phone . " " Well . . . they must be calling the wrong number . " " Uh huh . " ( She 's catching on ! ) Silence . Me again , " How do we get your computer to stop calling his number ? " " I don 't know . I mean , it 's just calling a wrong number . " " Yes , but who can tell the computer who makes the calls to stop calling this number ? " She puts me on hold and finally comes back , " Can I have your social security number ? " " Um . . . no . " " Well , it 's the only way I can look up your account . " " None of us have an account with you . If I don 't have an account with you , you won 't have my social security number in your files , right ? " " Right . " " So giving you my social security number won 't allow you to look me up . " " If you don 't want to give it to me , you don 't have to , but without it I can 't look up the account . " " Never mind , I will ask Verizon to change his number so that none of us will ever have to talk to anyone at AT & T again . " " Okay . " " Goodbye . " " Goodbye and thank you for using AT & T . I 'm talking about having a child in counseling . I mean , you might think it would be just a barrel of laughs , but really , it is not so much fun . And , I can speak with authority here , it is even less fun when you are the birth mother . Because , you know , you get to be responsible for everything . So let 's say there was this time years ago when you and your husband went on a trip and it upset your son very , very much but he would not talk about it . Your husband always worried that Something Awful happened but you said that you thought it was really just that you left him when he didn 't want to be left . Of course your husband replied , " That can 't be the only thing . It can 't be just that we left . " But there is no knowing because your son won 't talk about it , and you keep agreeing that it is okay , he doesn 't have to talk about it . And that is the way it stays for years . You think that your son was upset because you left when he really did not want to be left ; your husband is worried about Something Awful ; and the kid ain 't talking . You dutifully bring it up whenever he meets with a new counselor , but the kid doesn 't want to talk about it and you all agree that he doesn 't have to if he doesn 't want to . Then one day your son goes to counseling with Dad because it is Dad 's turn and you are feeling a little ( though perhaps unreasonably ) annoyed with the counselor , even though ( or perhaps because ) she is getting him to express things that he needs to express that no one else has been able to help him express . When they come home Husband is happy that Son made a break - through . He finally talked about The Weekend and it turns out that there was no Something Awful , " It was just that we left him even though he really didn 't want to be left ! He was really upset and afraid we wouldn 't come back . He couldn 't believe that we would go away like that when he didn 't want us to . The counselor thinks this could really be at the heart of his anxiety about people leaving . I never thought it could just be that , but I see now that it could be . He Posted by Even though I gave you the abbreviated version I still got the details wrong . The crucial wrongness was that Faye was not present when the scary things were being said by the scary people . So Faye is being given different versions of what happened and some people in her life , including the boyfriend , are making believing their version a loyalty test . So I have been doing a lot of listening and hand holding . Boyfriend is not allowed in the house and Faye is not allowed off the property with the boyfriend , so they are meeting in our back yard . Everyone , including the social worker , feels safe with this compromise . It is certainly better than her feeling tempted to lie , sneak off , and end up in a dangerous situation . Sigh . I would tell you about all the drama of the last 24 hours but it would be inappropriate . Let 's just say that at the moment I can 't imagine why I 'm committed to teenagers . I think I will foster kittens . You can keep them in boxes , right ? The short version , and the only one I am going to give you is this : Faye 's boyfriend has connections to scary people . Boyfriend got in trouble and along the way angered one of the really scary ones who said to boyfriend , " It would be really sad if Faye were to get hurt or killed " in front of Faye . Boyfriend said nothing , which may have been wise . I 'm a big fan of saying nothing when people are acting irrationally . However saying nothing made Faye feel unloved and abandoned , on top of the fear . I will be talking to the social worker today who will talk to Faye and they will decide if she is safe here , four blocks away from where boyfriend 's mother lives . She probably is , but really , this is more drama than I had anticipated with a simple respite . Respite is supposed to be easy . Yep , it is all about me . Actually it is all about the safety of the family . I think the threats made against Faye were intended to frighten the boyfriend and not something that are likely to be acted upon . On the other hand , this is as far as I am willing to go . If we start getting scary phone calls or if the boyfriend comes by after he is told not to , we will have to consider moving Faye . Me : " So Brian . You know the licensing working talked the other day about there being a lot of new kids coming in this summer . We might finally get one . " Brian : " Okay . " Me : " I want to talk to you again about the age . The agency doesn 't usually get any kids in younger than you . So the kid will almost certainly be older . It is possible though that the next one will be younger than you . When you are sixteen or seventeen we might be able to get a kid who is fourteen or fifteen . " Brian : " But I wanted a younger brother who was a lot younger than me , a baby or a little kid . " Me : " That just isn 't going to happen . " Brian : " Why can 't we get a little kid ? " Me : " Brian , I know that I kept saying no to a puppy and you kept asking and finally I gave in , but this is not the same . I am not getting you a six - year - old . " Brian pouts . " I just really want to be a big brother . " Me : " There are other ways to spend time with little kids . . . I know , I know , it isn 't the same and you would be a great big brother . I am just not going to do it . " Brian : " I really want to be a big brother . " Hubby : " You have a puppy . That 's it . " I know it must seem confusing to him . Why is it that we would be willing to keep " getting " teenagers but not be willing to get a little kid ? Just one ? Because I am not going back . Ever . Brian has always been my youngest and has always been the youngest child I want in the house . I wonder if I will want to stop doing care once he has moved out . Every time he has moved out of a stage of development I feel so finished with that age . Been there , done that . On the other hand I have a great attachment to kids on the cusp of adulthood . I like them , so maybe I will keep taking them . Although if the excitement in Faye 's life doesn 't calm down I 'm not certain about even that . We had our yearly re - licensing visit . The licensing worker asked us if there was any way the organization could be improved . I pointed out that she was the sixth licensing worker to visit us in seven years , so . . . um . . . that was a problem . We had a nice visit . When she asked about what I like about the agency and talking to you all informed that . I told her how much I appreciated that the agency paid for anything the kids really needed , that I knew people who couldn 't afford to do foster care because of all the things they had to purchase . When Evan moved in and had no clothes I went out and spent $ 350 and told them I still would need to buy a coat . They reimbursed me and congratulated me on my frugality . Heck when we first started we needed to build a freaking wall and they paid for the materials . ( We got volunteer labor from church and had to pay an electrician ) . Anyway , she asked us if we were open for a placement and exactly when . I told her that if there was someone right for our family I did not want for them to not introduce us because Evan was here . Evan would not be disturbed by our meeting someone and he was moving out August 24th . She asked , " but where would he sleep ? " That caught me a bit by surprise . In the past whenever we met someone they were living someplace where they could stay while we were all getting to know each other . It took six weeks with Carl , although that was mostly about us getting licensed . David and Evan we each met at the beginning of the summer and moved in the day after we came back from Maine . They each spent quite a bit of time here prior to our trip ( about 21 days each , I think ) and were not officially in the program until they officially moved in . So , I tend to assume that we are always at least a month away from someone actually moving in , although I know that is not how the rest of the world works . She went on to say that there are quite a few kids emancipating from the program right now and so there are a corresponding high number of intakes . If they needed a bed quickly , coPosted by Brian has , for years , been able to cry about the fact that his brother Andrew would someday move away . The first time I remember it clearly was about five years ago when Brian was complaining that he wanted Andrew 's bedroom . We gave him various reasons why he should prefer his and then told him that he could have Andrew 's when Andrew moved out . This took Brian from pouting to weeping . He tried to climb into his brother 's lap and sobbed that he didn 't want Andrew to go away , ever . The boys would have been about 8 and 13 then . He has cried over this more than once . I have held him , comforted him , assured him that he would still be able to talk to his brother . We talked about cell phones and even said we would buy web cams . Hubby and I have noticed that he was more likely to break into these sobs if he was tired or otherwise stressed , though of course that does not mean that he wasn 't really bothered by it . We were often uncertain about whether comforting him was helpful or simply feeding the drama . I struggled for a matter - of - fact attitude . " I can see how badly you feel . If you want to cuddle quietly you can sit with me . If you need to cry loudly you should go to your room . " I tried to acknowledge that his feelings were real and legitimate and yet not reward the dramatic behavior . I still can 't think of any better way I might have handled it . At Brian 's counseling appointment a week and a half ago he reported that he was feeling pretty good . School was almost over and so he wasn 't feeling very stressed . She ( the counselor ) asked me if there was anything I thought they should talk about . I suggested that they talk about Brian 's feelings about his brother leaving in a year . I went out to the waiting room and within ten minutes the wailing and sobbing started . Five minutes later she came out to get me . I sat with him and he crawled under my arm and calmed down a little . She looked a bit overwhelmed , said that she hadn 't realized just how deeply Brian felt about this and that they would have to approach it differently nextPosted by Evan came home to tell me a rather dramatic story where he got very angry at another driver . A teenager came to a full stop before in the lane before making a left hand turn in a time and place where it was unnecessary . Evan , who will agree that maybe part of the problem was that he was driving too closely and quickly , slammed on his breaks and had to drive onto the shoulder to avoid a collision . I won 't embarrass him by telling you just what he did , but I will tell you that it did not come to blows . He was bothered by his reaction . He did feel that he was justified because the other driver 's behavior was so unsafe , but did not like that he was so out of his own control . We talked about how he tends to use his physical size to intimidate and how he looses that when driving his little car , but we agreed that still wasn 't all of it . He thinks even if he were driving a muscle truck he would still get outraged . Why does he feel that way ? Why does he get so very angry . " Evan , do you think it could have anything to do with your cousin dying in a car accident ? " " Yeah . It probably does . " Some triggers are easier to figure out than others . I 'm listening to an audiobook about which I may write later , but today I want only to say that there is a mother - in - law and daughter - in - law who are too careful of each other . They don 't want to cause offense , and are both so polite , that they end up doing things neither wants to do because each thought the other did . It is an interesting thing to be listening to , given that my in - laws just called . My mother - in - law likes me very much . I know that she does . She wants to express approval of me , but what I feel is judged . Perhaps I have come out well , but it never feels safe . I told her about the party . She saw no humor in the situation , was in fact horrified and said she could never imagine anything like that happening when her kids were young . And I feel like she means that I am not a good parent because these things happen at my house , but I think she means to express concern for me that I have to raise my children in such an uncivilized world . She wants to be supportive . And then she tells me about her other sons , their wives and children . She tells me how hard this child has worked ; how hard these adults work ; how her one son just does everything , although his wife is feeling a little bit better and beginning to do more . It 's such a shame . And I feel like the slacker mom . On one hand I know she really likes me , but I feel so defensive with her . I feel constantly watched , evaluated , and even if I am getting positive scores I still feel tense . I want to hide from her any hint that my children are not strong , happy , and successful . The thing with in - laws is that you have these instant family relationships with all the conflicts that come with them and no shared history telling you how to work them out . Evan 's young social worker was also a fostering child . Her parents work in the same program I do . She acquired several siblings through the program . One was the sister she fought with , loved , and was a bridesmaid at her wedding . Her relationship with the other was , more complicated . About a month after her wedding I told herPosted by And oh yeah . . . Tomorrow is our Pride Day and I won 't be there for the first time in seven years . And it is my own fault . I agreed to something that I didn 't have to agree to because I didn 't think it would be that big of a deal . Especially this year when I know how very unorganized the organization committee has been . I thought I would rather miss it than go to something that was thrown together , not advertised , poorly attended and filled with people complaining when they didn 't do anything to make it any better . People like me . Whine , whine , whine , whine , whine . Did you know that the doldrums is a place , like on the planet ? It is the area around the equator where the air rises but the winds are calm to non - existent . If you are a ship , especially one that operates on wind power , you generally want to stay with the trade winds and out of the doldrums . And I am in the metaphorical equivalent . Out of the pressure and flurry of end - of - term . I don 't know if the end - of - term work load is actually any heavier , but it feels heavier . We are exausted and surrounded by others who are . But deadlines must be met ; grades must be turned in ; the wind pushes you along . And then it stops . And there is a pile of things that have been waiting for you . Things you said you would do as soon as the term was over . Important things . Educators , common belief to the contrary , do not get summers off . The nature of the work just changes . There is an entirely new course to be planned ; assessment data to be gathered , summarized and evaluated . There is major writing to be done . And of course the bookstore manager may come to my home with a large pointed stick if I don 't turn in my long over - due book orders . But there is time to work on quilt blocks for the block exchange . It is the perfect project for using up piles of left over fabric . I even drafted some patterns of my own , and looked forward to the summer when I could work on it . But now it is an uninspiring pile of fabric . Getting the sewing machine out of the closet feels like too much work . There is no wind . And I think I should delete this post because it has nothing to do with care or even parenting . I told myself when I started this blog that I wasn 't going to assume that people would be interested in my reporting on my moods . What is more boring than a post from someone complaining about being enervated ? Yep . Definitely the doldrums . I had a long phone call with a friend . . . someone who is particularly good at helping me sort through what I am feeling ( okay . . . it was my Alanon sponsor ; everyone should have one ) . I also spoke with Evan again . I told him that I didn 't have anything particular I wanted to say , but not havng talked about it felt strange . He said he understood and that he had contacted the person he hurt . I do believe that , by the way . He knew things that I had said , and not said , to the other party . I don 't know if Evan apologized , but I know he called and that means something to me . And just talking about it was good . I feel like I was finally able to put the whole thing to bed . This whole Alanon sponsorship thing - - it 's pretty cool . We should have it as foster parents . Someone you are allowed to call ; someone who is committed to following the same principles you are who is willing to talk through any situation . Someone who can help you figure out why you still feel crummy if you are convinced that you handled the situation right . Writing here helped a great deal . . . and so did your comments . Thanks y ' all . So I 'm still in this strange emotional place . The relevant details are this : Evan did something that hurt someone I don 't even know . I don 't think he set out to hurt anyone , but he did . I have responded to it in a way that I and my husband , and others who know all the details , feel is appropriate to Evan , particularly considering his age . I honestly believe that I have done everything that I should and everything that would be helpful . The rest is up to him . He can learn from this or not . Though I have been , I think , acting naturally with him , he has been avoiding me . This may , or may not , be an indication of an appropriate level of regret / shame regarding what he had done . And I want to yell at him like a recovering alcoholic wants a drink . At every level I know it would be a bad thing . Though the intial burst of energy would feel so good . I could take this negativity inside me and throw it out at him and that moment would be a release . I would enjoy it . But like an addict I know it wouldn 't be just one outburst . It would escalate . It would turn ugly . I would end up in a place where I did not like myself . I would not have helped him . I could tell myself that it would be for Evan 's own good . That he needs to know just how bad what he has done really is . Except I know that he already knows that . Or at least I don 't think that there is anything I could do that would be more helpful than what I have done . But even if it were true , I know that I don 't want to instigate drama between us because it would help him . I want it because I want to dump this negative energy . I want to throw it out into the world . Yep . I am so very like a recovering alcoholic . I walked through a bar yesterday . I ordered a club soda and left . My husband is proud of me . " You did the right thing " he says . I know he is right . But I stand here on the sidewalk , looking at the bar thinking , " G - d , I want a drink . " It would be so easy . Faye called . I don 't think I have heard from her for two years . It really must be at least that long ; she never met Evan . She was arranging her own respite care ; she wants to know if she can stay here from the 11th to the 24th of this month . I told her it was okay with me if it was okay with her FM and social worker . Last I knew her older sister had got licensed just so they could be together . I saw them together at an event . They looked happy . I was happy for Faye . When Faye first came here she was angry . She had moved into Mandy 's less than a week before and she was not happy about being in respite before she had had a chance to settle . That first weekend she did little more than sulk . But she came back and gradually became one of our favorites . She did well at Mandy 's and , like just about all the girls who do well there , got tired of all the drama from the other girls . So she moved to another home and then to her sister 's . And now she has moved again . She turns 18 in August . She seemed to take it for granted that she would be leaving care then . I told her that she did not have to , that the agency will give her full support until she is done with high school . She seemed surprised . I was just able to talk to her social worker . She hopes the sister will work it out by the end of summer and that Faye will move back . It 's her only real hope for staying in care until she graduates . But , in any case , she will be spending a couple of weeks with us . I am looking forward to seeing her again . I read somewhere that Mark Twain said that he did not lie because his memory wasn 't good enough . I definitely get that . That was in fact why we so often caught Carl in lying . He couldn 't keep straight what he had told to whom . We would know that he had lied , even if we didn 't know what the truth was . I learned not to ask , " Did you do X ? " when I knew very well that he had . Now , when I know that someone has done something I just address it . Sometimes I say things like , " I want you to stop telling me you are looking for a job when you are just hanging out with a friend . " Or " The bill for your text messages on my cell phone is $ 9 , what 's the best way for you to pay me ? " And sometimes that is followed up with things like not allowing them to borrow my cell phone anymore . It can feel strange though , because it also defuses me . In dealing with it that way I am cutting off my own opportunity to rant and yell at them . I am not telling them how angry and disappointed I am that they have lied or done whatever they have done . They know though . Now it is good that it defuses me . Not escalating , simply imposing consequences is a good thing , but it can still feel strange . It feels like there is this other part of me that wants to yell , or at least lecture , dying to get out . But I know this path is better . I am sad , but my blood pressure is staying down . He knows he got caught . He knows I disapprove . We both know I can 't control him and trying to would just push us into an escalating battle . No , there isn 't a lot that I can do that is productive . Well , except re - instate that service where no one can make a long distance call without knowing the secret code . Why did I cancel that before ? I forget . ____ Update : I put on the block . He reactivated his cell phone . Good thing I wasn 't deluded about my ability to control him . Daughter , sister , wife , mother , foster - parent blog writer , philosophy professor . . . I am and have been many things . These days my identities as a teacher of bioethics and the daughter of a woman with Parkinson 's and dementia lead me to agree with Peter Singer , " It 's different when it 's your mother . "
|
My blogging buddy showed up this morning . She is not an axe murderer , but she is a terrifier of small dogs . She , her partner and daughter have been here all day and we really have had a wonderful time . You know how when you read a book and then see the movie and the characters don 't fit ? In your imagination they looked different , sounded different , behaved differently . Well , that is the opposite of what is happening with this visit . It is not that I had very particular picture of them , but everything that I had imagined fits with who they are . I don 't feel like this is the first time I have met them - - more like meeting good friends after a long absence . So mostly it has been a good time . Everyone has gotten along with every one else . Except of course for the puppy . He 's not really good with visitors . He often won 't accept them until after we make it very clear that we like the new - comers . In this case the puppy was initially worried , but my my friend 's daughter completely won him over . Though she has been willing to divide her attention among all the animals , mostly she and the Shih Tzu have bonded . And then my blogging buddy decided she would play with the puppy . Unfortunately her version of playing with the puppy was to raise both hands and growl ( or was it a roar ? ) at the puppy . Surprisingly he did not actually piss himself . He did however bark to raise the dead . He may be small , but he was determined to scare away the monster in my kitchen - - except that he was terrified to get close to it . I finally had to call Brian and ask him to take the dog outside and calm him . While the dog was outside I gave my blogging buddy some dog treats to bribe him with . She went to great lengths - - even transfered the scent of fake doggy bacon to her shoes ! When the dog came back in she offered treats and eventually even taught him to sit . It took a while but the puppy has decided that she is safe . I don 't know that she will ever be his best buddy , that place being of course taken by her daughter , but at least the dog is no longer aPosted by I said I wanted to write a post on why the charming / innocent / wide - eyed princess behavior is so difficult to respond to . I don 't necessarily mean that it is more difficult than other behaviors to deal with calmly . Which behaviors affect us emotionally depend on different factors , including our own personalities . What I mean is that it is difficult to know how to respond to it . It is the sort of behavior that gets reinforced . Let 's take a simple case : imagine dealing with a kid who speaks disrespectfully to you . You can ( 1 ) clearly explain what behavior you want the child to stop ; ( 2 ) explain and model the sort of behavior you want in its place ; ( 3 ) refuse to respond to the negative behavior ; and ( 4 ) reward the positive behavior . Now it might not be easy to do this consistently , but at least you know what you need to do . The child calls you a b * tch and you pretend not to hear or remind the child that that is inappropriate . The child does not get your attention until after he or she addresses you appropriately . See ? Simple . Not necessarily easy to do , but simple to plan . But what do you do about a Princess ? How do you explain what is wrong with making your eyes too wide , or using that particularly sweet tone of voice , or smiling while making eye contact ? How do you model the behavior you want ? How do you explain to someone who is seven or fourteen or forty what the difference is ? But let 's say somehow you manage that . Somehow you get the person to understand the difference . First , be sure to write up how you did it and send it to the rest of us . Second , you need to figure out how to only reward the non - manipulative behavior . Please forgive me , but I 'm going to give an example from dog training . You may know that if you want your dog to stop doing something , you must not reward the behavior , ever . Our Cattle Dog tends to bark at us when we are playing fetch with her . She brings us the ball and we pick it up ( with the plastic ball - throwing device ) and she barks at us . We have been trying to stop this behavior for years , but Posted by Have I mentioned recently that Andrew is very perceptive ? He watches people . He understands them . He understands me . I picked him up from a sleep - over and he got in and said , " What 's wrong ? " I told him that I was having trouble shaking the mood over what Rhonda did last night . He knows me well enough to ask what happened this morning . " It was stupid . I don 't even know why it upset me so much . I tried to make casual conversation and she interrupted me to ask for candy . I just keep seeing those wide innocent eyes and I feel angry all over again . " " So basically you 're angry because you got taken ? " He 's right , of course . " Yeah , I guess so . I don 't usually fall for their stuff ! " " I know . Why did you ? " " Mandy set me up . It 's all her fault ! " Okay , I 'll be the grownup , or I 'll try . It is the having been taken in that makes it so infuriating . I can understand that " charm and manipulate " technique has been her strategy for dealing with whatever it is that she has had to deal with . Who knows , it may have saved her life . Like all survival strategies it is not going to go away because it annoys me . Right now , as I write I am calm , sane , and understanding . I could , and may later , write a long thoughtful post about how one could possibly deal with this behavior . It is one of those things that it is almost impossible not to reinforce in the course of daily activities . I mean , if a kid throws fits you can walk out and then give them attention when . . . wait . . . I said I might write that post later . The point is that that is the mood that I am in right now . I don 't know if I will be able to hold it though . I mean , take a three second interaction we had when Hubby brought her home from school . I expected her to be moody , angry or hurt because I had given her the cold shoulder this morning . She instead gave me a huge grin , wide eyes and said , " hi ! " And my initial , automatic reaction was to smile back in response . And she turned and walked off with a stride that seemed to me to be triumphant ( although that could have been my imagination ) . And I thouPosted by The girls are making me crazy . I think part of it is increased expectations , combined with the very high level of restriction that the girls are on . Mandy went on and on about how nice these girls were , suggesting that they are the very best behaved girls she had ever sent me . They go to summer school and then fall asleep afterwards . I have not been getting them up , which I probably should . Sleeping half the day means of course that they are awake when I am asleep . I don 't think there are doing anything worse that talking , laughing and eating , but who knows . Evan is up those hours , which is somehow comforting . I took them shopping a couple of times but whenever I did they ask . . . wait , it is not " they " . . . it is always Rhonda . Only fourteen , taller than Quiana , and very wide - eyed and innocent , she is always the one to ask , " Yondalla , can we . . . " Quiana , sixteen , stays in the background , out of my peripheral vision even . Okay . . . so we are in the big box store and the Rhonda says , her arms crossed around herself , almost shivering , " Yondalla , I 'm so cold . Can we wait for you outside the door where it is warm ? " Sure I say . I don 't think it is cold , certainly whatever temperature it is inside has to be better than the 100 degrees it is outside , but sure , let them stand in the heat . They agree to stay outside the glass where I can see them . After a minute I go to the door and look out . They are going through the large stand - up ashtray looking for cigarette butts . Okay , gross . On the up - side if they are digging for used butts they probably don 't have their own cigarettes . It is annoying that I apparently can 't let them out of my sight without them being gross , but at this point I have a sense of humor about it . I was told to keep them where I could see them . I 'm annoyed that apparently I am to take that quite literally . We go to the next store and divide up . I rush around to buy the groceries and Hubby takes the kids to get a cold drink and makes them stay with him . Last evening they pleaded to be allowed to go for a run . They werPosted by I 'm pretty aggressive about teaching my kids about privacy on the Internet . I 'm on their friend 's list in My * Space . They both have fake names and no other identifying information . I 've told them again and again , that even if you think you are getting to know someone really well , you can 't be certain they are telling you the truth . " Never give our address or phone number to anyone . " So there were understandably shocked when I told them that blogging friend would be stopping by here on her way to visit family . Well , shocked might not be the right word , but there is nothing kids like better than being able to " catch " their parents breaking their own rules . " At our house ? " " Well , yes . I was going to meet her in Other City , but it turns out that it would be easier for her just to drop by here . We 'll have a cook - out , we 'll have a great time . " " You gave our address to someone you met over the Internet ? " " Um . . . well , yeah . But she blogs too and we have been emailing for almost a year and half and we 've talked on the phone . I trust her . " " But what if she is an axe murderer or something ? " " Well , I really don 't think she would set up a blog , write fictious things about herself for eighteen months so that she could drive something like 1000 miles so that she can murder us in our back yard . " But I think I did blush just a bit . I mean I really have told them to never , ever do that . I 'm not sure how long it will be before they stop teasing me about this . But I can take it . It will be the first time that I have been able to meet any of folks that live in my computer . I 'm looking forward to it . Unless , of course , she turns out to be an axe murderer . Well , I searched their stuff . There is no hair spray or aerosols of any kind . Teenage girls don 't really use hair spray , do they ? I mean , not on their hair . The boys just use gels . I guess they just buy them for huffing . I 'm really tempted to think that I don 't have the huffing girls . Mandy gets a range and she always gives me the " good " ones . These girls are the youngest - seeming of any respite kid I 've ever had . They giggle , watch kiddie movies . The brought their Care Bears , for criminy sake 's . ( I had to take one away from the dog who was cuddling with it . It 's slightly damp , but not damaged . ) I 'll put away the evil substances ( thanks Becky ) and then not worry about it . I forgot how much teenage girls giggle . Most of the girls that I get from Mandy are earnest , concerned about their future , or at the very least wanting to complain about the other girls at the house . Sometimes they are happy , but even then it is a quieter thing . They seem older than their years , and yet less skilled than their peers . But these girls . They are so normal , at least so far . They giggle . They wanted to watch Finding Nemo . The chatted with each other . They giggled . I finally asked them what was so funny , which made them giggle so hard they could hardly breathe . I don 't think they were really laughing about anything . I took them grocery shopping and they were thrilled that I would allow them to pick out some things . I was going for basic healthy foods . They were cautious at first , but once I let them pick out a flavor of ice cream they started asking for chips and soda , which I refused . They have summer school , which means that they are gone for 4 hours every morning . - - The phone just rang . It was Quiana social worker . She told her mom that that the girls were huffing hair spray . Quiana was not clear about which girls she was talking about . Did it include Rhonda ? Herself ? The social worker wants me to make certain they don 't have any hair spray and would like for me to guard all the huffable substances . I 'm not even certain what those are . Sigh . I 'm not certain about everything that is huffable . Anyone know ? Mandy just dropped off two girls . Originally she said that Olivia would be coming , who is her actual niece . She got permission though to take Olivia with her , out of state , so I have two girls whom I have never met before . So they need blog names . I 'm up to Q . There are not a lot of good " Q " names though . I refuse to call a girl " Queenie . " So Quiana it is , I guess . I 'll call the other one Rhonda . ( Quiana is the one with lighter hair ; just so you know . . . . actually just so I 'll remember ) . When Mandy dropped them off she told them that she only brings me the best girls , so they have to be good . Mandy , as I have mentioned before , works for a different private program , one that specializes in kids with behavioral issues , although sometimes she gets girls only because she takes teenage girls and not a lot of people do . Still , the rules require me to babysit them . They are not allowed to leave the property alone . One has a boyfriend who may visit for a couple of hours , but they have to stay in line of sight . Limited phone calls . All that . In any case I find I am glad that there are two of them . Hopefully they will entertain each other and not puppy - dog me very much . I 'm just a teensy bit tired after Faye 's visit . Someone emailed me and asked about what questions you should ask about teens before agreeing to take them as foster placments . I thought it would be a good post , and hopefully others will add whatever I forgot in the comments . 1 . History in care : how long have they been in care , or in and out of care ? How many placements have they had ? Why did their placements disrupt ? 2 . Do they have a history of making allegations of abuse ? - - This is a sad reality . Abuse sometimes happens . David called his social worker to report abuse two different times , and he was right to do so . On the other hand the fact that Miss E had reported nearly every foster parent she had had was one of the reasons we would not accept her . I spoke with Miss E about her experiences . She believes what she reports , and she even describes actual events . Her take on those events though shows some pretty distorted thinking ( e . g . one piece of evidence that Mandy was emotionally manipulative was that she told the girls that she loved them ) . - - How your agency deals with this issue can affect how you will respond . Allegations of abuse must be investigated , that is the law . They may also be required to remove children from your home while it is going on . But some agencies and social workers will be kind and understanding and actually try to support you emotionally while you go through the process . 3 . Are they sexually active ? - - Expect them to say " yes . " You need to know if they are responsible about birth control , have age appropriate partners and have sex in appropriate places . 4 . How do they deal with conflict and their own anger ? - - Don 't accept " fine " for an answer , and don 't expect that they are going to be able to deal with this well . You do want to know though whether they are sulkers ( Carl , sometimes ) , or do they say nothing but simply decide you are somehow the bad one and prepare just to move on ( David , Faye , Miss E ) , or do they scream at you using words you don 't even use ( Ann , many of the respite girls ) . Or do they actually tell you that they are angry anPosted by Lesson # 4We went back to the parking lot and drove up and down the aisles , practicing making turns and staying in the corrent lane . Then I asked him if he wanted to get out of the road . Without really warning him in advance , I sent him down a road that turned into a country high way . We spent nearly an hour driving around . He had to go as high as 65 miles an hour . Up hills , down hills lots of twists and turns . He did really well . In my limited expereience , emancipating foster kids come in two groups : the ones who want to move out on their 18th birthdays and those who would rather not move out at all . Which way they will go depends upon many factors , but I have learned that trying to convince someone to stay in care when they have already decided not to is rather like trying to convince someone to quit smoking . Getting them to agree that one option is clearly the rational choice is the easy part . At the most fundamental , the decision is not a rational one . It is not about what is in their long - term best interest . Imagine : you 're in a job you really hate . No , you are in jail . For years you have been dreaming of the day you will leave . The only thing that got you through was the dream of your release date . You have felt unwanted , unloved . You have had different wardens who have different rules . Some have given you passes for the occasional field trip , but some have not . In any case an outside supervisor has to approve everything . That ouside supervisior changes regularly too . They say they are trying to help you , but what they are really doing is micromanaging you . And you have been looking forward to the release date . You have dreamt of it . Some days it was the only thing that got you through . And then it approaches as everyone starts saying , " Why don 't you sign up for another year ? You know it will be easier to finish high school if you stay . " Some kids who left tell you that it is not as easy out there as you think . It looks pretty out there , but it is a whole lot more difficult than you think . They wish they had just stuck it out for that extra year . Their lives would be so much easier . But you have friends who were never in this prison at all . You have a place you can stay when you leave . The warden and the supervisor says , " But what it doesn 't work out ? What if it goes bad ? " But you know these people and they don 't . And so , Dear Reader , are you there in your imagination ? Are you standing in the grey prison hallway looking at the sunshine pastPosted by Since Faye has found out that her emancipation plan was falling through she has been calling relatives , every single one of whom has apparently said that she is welcome to move in on her birthday . Still she was leaning towards seeing if she could live with Marsha . She sees the advantages - - there 's the free everything of course . She knows it would be a good idea . But she just came out to the living room , " I just talked to my great aunt . She says I can live with her . That 's probably what I will do . " I 'm tired , working on a sudoku puzzle and say absently , " Really ? You mean rather than trying to move in with Marsha ? " " Yeah . " " Why ? " " Because I 'm a little sh * t and I want to mess up my life . I 'm going to do the wrong thing even if it is going to mess everything up . " " Oh . " " I just don 't want to be in foster care anymore . I don 't care if it f * cks up my life . " " Okay . " Sorry kiddo , I 'm too emotionally exhausted to argue with you . Such a frustrating day . Yesterday I ask Faye what time her foster mother is picking her up . She doesn 't know . Probably not in the morning , but it could be . FM does not have a cell phone or anything so she can 't call . Today she sits around all day . She has no idea what 's happening . Then midafternoon . " I probably won 't be able to go home until tomorrow . None of the social workers work on Sunday . " " Isn 't your FM coming to pick you up ? " " Her ? No . She won 't drive anyone anywhere . " " How were you planning on getting home ? " " I don 't know . " " You don 't know what the original plan was ? " " I don 't know how I 'm getting home . " So I call the social worker 's cell phone number ( yeah , I know ) and leave a message . While we are waiting to get called back she tells me that she was going to be at her friend 's birthday party today . ( It is this friend 's mother that she was planning on living with . ) " How were you going to get there ? " " Well , she [ the mom ] was going to pick me up for the party and take me home afterwards . " " So that was the original plan for getting home ? " " Yeah . But who knows how I will get home now . Maybe I will just have to spend another night . " Okay , call your FM and see what she thinks of the situation . She takes the phone into the other room and comes out later . " She says it is okay if I spend another night . " Sigh . Okay . Sure . Whatever . The social worker calls back , " So I talked to the FM and she says Faye worked out staying another night . I can pick her up at 4 : 00 . Is that okay with you ? " Yeah . Sure . Whatever . I tell Faye . Faye says okay and then a little while later . " You know . I 've got everything packed . If you wanted to take me home tonight it would be okay . " " Do you want to go home tonight ? " " I don 't care . " " Faye , we like you , and you are welcome to spend another night , and if you want go home today you can . " " Okay . " " So I will call the social worker and tell her we 're taking you home ? " " I guess . " I call . We talk . I 'll take her home tonight . It 's like 30 miles away , but it 's fine . The phone rings . It is the boyfriend . Faye talks to him . " YoPosted by I hate to give links to blogs when I am being critical of what they have said or what their commentors have said . I have read files containing descriptions of abuse that have made me vomit . Certainly they have made me give up any idea that G - d is in control of the details of this world . As far as G - d goes , there are two main possibilities : there is no G - d ; or for various reasons G - d has decided not to interfere . If I believed that there were a divine plan that included or required that a small child be raped , I would think that the divine planner was a sadistic demon . I would believe it my moral obligation to fight against such a demon , and if he were all - powerful and told me I would go to a fire pit of torment if I did not join his side , I would hope I had the courage of Job ( who was NOT patient ) and would respond " I know my redeemers lives , " and you , demon , are not that redeemer . I would hope that , like Job , I would have the strength to believe in a G - d that was just even if one respected religious leader after another showed up at my door to convince me to repent and bow down before the so - called G - d of suffering . There are people who should never have had children . People who have done terrible things to children . Often our child welfare system does not work well . Children go unprotected . Children are sometimes , perhaps many times , sent back to parents who are still unable to keep those kids safe . But we have no right , absolutely no right , to assume without knowing that any particular parent is evil , incompetent , or undeserving . If we have only half the story , then we have only half the story . So take this story : a child goes into foster care at age two . Even though the foster family moved to a different state , the mother still visited with him every other week . Amazing . So many mothers are overwhelmed by their lives and by the condemnation they fear from the people they will have to deal with that they cannot make themselves go . This mother did . She kept visiting . It took her eight years , but she pulled it off . Posted by I don 't think I was very clear about this , but the person that Faye was planning on moving in with on her 18th birthday was also involved in the drama . This person , Faye learned last night , has decided that allowing Faye to move in is not wise . I 'm glad , for Faye 's sake , that she decided this now and not , say , one month after Faye had left care . Faye of course is fairly devastated - - in that way that kids who have been knocked around by life have of being upset while emotionally closing down and moving on . She said that she wished she could live here , and accepted it when I said that that would not work for us . She started listing various aunts who might be persuaded to let her live with them , and I suggested that she talk to her social worker about Marsha . Miss E will be moving out in July . Faye seemed to be seriously considering that option . Personally I think it would be perfect . Faye would stay in comprehensive care until she finishes high school . She really can 't stay where she is now . It was intended as a temporary placement . The house is quite full . So much so that many of Faye 's possessions are in storage . Well , we shall see what happens . The tire store actually honored the guarantee - - at least in part . They asked what happened . I told them the truth . They took off 50 % of the price of the original tire , which was close to 40 % of the cost of the new . So not too bad . Lesson 3I took the car and Andrew to the big empty parking lot at the college . I do mean big here - - it used to be three blocks of houses . He just drove around for a while . He practiced pulling in and out of parking spaces . After nearly an hour of driving in the lot I had him drive from one end to the other weaving between the light poles . He did it fine - - so I told him to do it going backwards . " Seriously ? " " Yep . You can go as slowly as you want . " He did it . Then I had him drive us home . On the actual roads . Okay , so we snaked through the neighborhood roads at 15 miles an hour , but they were real roads and we did see a few other cars . Yesterday I took Andrew to the DMV and he passed the written , so now he has a permit . Lesson OneOn the way home I stopped in new housing development . Most of the houses were still under construction . It was a good place to practice - - real roads and almost no traffic . Andrew drove slowly and carefully . He hugged the curbs . I had to tell him that he should look where he wanted the car to go and not at the big truck he wanted to avoid . He agreed that did make it easier . He asked questions about when to push the gas and when to push the break . He even backed up to make a couple of turns . It was a great start . Lesson TwoSo today we went and got into our station wagon and I asked him if he wanted to back out of the driveway . He said he thought he could do it . It was a bit jerky , but he pulled out pretty well . He got out in the road and saw a car coming at us . He was a bit worried but I told him he was fine . There was room for the person to go around us . He stopped ; the other driver went past us and I said , " Okay , turn the wheel to the right and go forward . " Unfortunately I did not say , " Okay , put the car in drive , turn the wheel and go forward . " He punched the gas . We flew backward , over the curb - - both right side tires went up on the sidewalk . My car is currently at the tire shop getting a new front right tire . The old tire has a guarantee still , but I think that just covers normal driving , not teenagers driving on sidewalks . The only other damage is to my vocal cords . For some reason they 're a little sore . Andrew has a girlfriend . He is right now reading the driver 's manual . He wants me to take him to the DMV to take his written test so that he can get his permit and then start teaching him to drive . He will be 18 this fall and this is the first time he has really shown any interest in driving . At least enough to do anything about it . Anyone think there 's a connection ? I just had a short conversation with Faye . I ended up asking her what it would take to get more kids to stay in care past their 18th birthdays . What would it take to get her to stay ? " Just let me do whatever I want ! Geez , I 'm 18 . I mean I 'm living in your house , but let me do what I want to do . Like Evan does . " Sigh . Evan does have an enormous amount of freedom . We have given up on assigning him a particular chore . When he is home though we often ask him to do something and he will do it . I tend not to see him , even though it is summer . He gets home late , goes to his room and is on his phone or computer . He then wakes up in time to leave for work at 1 : 00pm . On his days off he is usually around , likes to spend time chatting with us , and will do whatever chore we ask him to do , although we don 't ask him to do much . He picks up after himself , pays his rent , and is polite and considerate . Sometimes he does go out on dates and we don 't ask him for details . Once or twice he has told us that he is going to be gone for the night and I have told him that I appreciate him telling me , that I would probably worry otherwise . And Faye wants to live just like him . With a few exceptions of course . Like she doesn 't want to get a job . Her social worker tried to make an appointment with her to help her look for a job and she was outraged . She told her social worker that she was " quite capable of getting a job on her own . " She hung up and rolled her eyes . " Did you hear that ? Did you hear what she said to me ? Help me find a job , like I can 't do that . I am capable of finding a job . I can do it . I just don 't f * * king want to . " She doesn 't see how she could possibly find a job . I mean she is only going to live in the place where she is for two months and then she is going to move in with her friend 's mom . I said , " But she isn 't licensed . You won 't be in comprehensive care . You will have to pay rent . " Faye , " I know . " Me , " So you will have to go to school and work . " Faye , " I know . " I took a deep breath and did not point out her absence of siginificant wPosted by I 've been keeping to my strict rules about the Faye 's boyfriend . He may meet her in the backyard . He may not come inside the house except rarely to use the restroom . No , he may not shower here . No , he may not go with us to the grocery store . Faye may not go hang out with him and his friends . Faye has been relatively complacent with these rules , knowing that it is the best deal she is going to get and that if she doesn 't follow them she will find herself moved to another respite placement . The backyard is not a bad place . Though it has been getting quite warm even hot , there is a very shady nice place to hang out . They have just enough privacy that they can 't be overheard . We can also see them well enough to know that they are still there and still clothed , but there is partial obstruction of view too . I ignore the amount of food that disappears from my kitchen into the back yard . I don 't let him inside for a variety of reasons . I do think that there is a real risk of petty theft , although that might be balanced by him knowing that if anything did disappear we would suspect him . I let him into the back yard so that Faye will not feel the need to lie and sneak off to meet him . I said as much to her social worker while Faye was standing next to me . Not letting him into the house , and sticking to that , is a way of communicating to Faye my attitude regarding this young man . But I also don 't let him into the house so that he cannot charm me , which he so easily could . He does not present as a dangerous guy ; more like a child lost in the woods . He has a genuinely bad mother . He is on the edge of homelessness as he finds it impossible to live with her and so does everything he can to avoid going home . He considers himself homeless and generally sleeps with different friends . He dropped out of high school , is nineteen years old , and does not have a job . Faye tells me his mother has given him one month to find a job and an apartment ( suggesting that he is still allowed in his mother 's house even if he does not want to be there ) . Posted by I was in a phone conference yesterday and we were talking about some statistics regarding GLBTQ kids in care . One had to do with the youth 's ( all the youth ) perceptions of the level of acceptance among social workers . In my mind it was shockingly low . I found it deeply disturbing that so many of the youth were not confident that the workers were supportive of GLBTQ youth . I started to brain storm on some ideas . When I finished a ( presumably hetero ) foster care alum commented , " I think that is just reflective of where society is right now . " I was momentarily speechless . I think that is why it bothers me right now to the degree that it does . I wish I had been articulate in explaining why complacency in the face of oppression is unacceptable . I wish I had not spent the next 1o seconds sputtering for words and not finding any . And of course the conversation when moved on . And I woke up this morning still thinking about it . I want to rage against someone . I want to scream . I want to go to this woman , who knows she does not have any problem with homosexuality because she has gay friends , and tell her how deeply offensive it was to say what she said . " This is where we are right now . " Don 't expect too much . Don 't demand more . So what if half the youth think that program workers are not supportive of queer youth ? What else would they think ? The youth 's perceptions might even be right . And maybe that is what is bothering me . She did say that last part . That it might not be a perception problem , that the youth may be right about the level of acceptance . She looks at that and shrugs . It is just where the society is . What else can we expect ? I look at that and think , " This is unacceptable . Something must be done . " Martin Luther King was right . He said it so well in the Letter From the Birmingham Jail . Such an attitude stems from a tragic misconception of time , from the strangely irrational notion that there is something in the very flow of time that will inevitably cure all ills . Actually , time itself is neutral ; it can be used destruPosted by I appreciate the kind words and even suggestions for helping Faye . I 'm staying detached from her though . She is here for a two - week respite . She is turning 18 in August and determined to move out . Those of you who have done foster care for kids that age know that trying to convince one of them to reconsider moving out is like trying to turn back and avalanche . I might try if she was placed with me , but she isn 't . Evan has actually been the one to point out to her the advantages of staying ( " free rent , food , everything , why would you walk away from that ? " ) and the difficulty of finishing high school any other way . Hubby and I were tempted to offer our house as a placement for her senior year . But that was before the bad - boy boyfriend pulled his stunt . It is just as well . Brian has a hard time with people leaving and he does not need for two people to go at the same time . Also , we promised Andrew that he would be the only senior in the house next year " It 's not that I want to be the center of attention , Mom . It 's just that last year is so stressful and there 's only so much we all can take . " That would sound like a lame cover for wanting to be the center of attention if it came from just about anyone else , but Andrew is the observer of the household and he is right . We have stuck to our guns about Bad - Boy having to stay in the backyard and Faye not leaving with him . She has been remarkably accepting . She asked if he could come in and take a shower yesterday and we said no , although I have allowed him supervised visits to the toilet ( well , not supervised IN the bathroom ) . Earlier she asked if they could hang out with his friends . Inside I was laughing hysterically and saying , " Are you INSANE ? OF COURSE NOT ! " Fortunately I realized that she was almost certainly asking because he asked her to ask and so I said quietly , " Given what happened last week , I don 't think that would be appropriate . " And Faye accepts these decisions . She knows it is the best she is likely to get . She is able to see him because I will let him into thPosted by I keep thinking that maybe I should tell you what is going on with Faye , but I feel like her story is old and tired . To her it is new and fresh . It is real and full of love and pain . And that is the tragedy of it all . If I were to see this as a movie preview there is no way I would buy a ticket . Even on one dollar night . I would sigh and wonder why anyone would re - tell the story about the bright young woman who thinks that she , and she alone , can see and bring out the good in her man . It would be boring if it didn 't promise to be so tragic . And then there is the other story , the one about the foster kid who could stay in comprehensive care until 3 months after graduation , even if that meant she was 20 years old , but who instead plans on packing her bags and walking into the world on her 18th birthday . So what if she has one more year of high school ? She will finish . She has a plan . And the adults say , " I know it looks like a good plan , but if anything , anything , goes wrong it will all fall apart . " But the stories are not old and tired to her . They fresh and new and real . Nothing will go wrong , and the man she loves will be everything she knows he can be . We don 't celebrate Father 's Day or Mother 's Day when we have kids here on respite , and we seem always to have kids here on one day or the other . Oh the boys will quietly tell their father Happy Father 's Day and if Hubby wants to go out to a movie or anything , they 'll go . I 'll cook one of the things that I know he likes for dinner , and he will know why . But it is all very . . . stealthy . I always figure these days are pretty much " foster child hell days . " A day in which we celebrate all that they don 't have . For kids here on respite it is especially painful but even for my most secure permanent - placement kids , it is bitter - sweet at best . On Father 's Day they look at Hubby and wonder what if they had had a father like that . What if their father helped them with the homework and did not get shot by other gang members , or imprisoned for attacking their mothers , or simply disappeared ? What is when their mothers brought new men into their lives it was someone quiet who liked kids and respected their boundaries and did not molest or beat them , sell their belongings , and say such horrible things ? No , these days are for them days of " what if 's " , of watching everyone else celebrate what they should have had but did not . When all the kids in the house have been here for a long time , we celebrate , but still keep it low key . Carl , David , Evan participate to the degree they wish . They usually tell Hubby " Happy Father 's Day " and if there is going to be any eating out they certainly want in on it . However , if they prefer to spend the day at the movies with friends , they know they will be allowed . So in our house it will be a day much like any other day . It 's not Father 's Day here . Just a day , like any other day , except one in which Hubby gets some stealthy extra attention . So I left you off with my doing deep breathing exercises in front of an angry Brian . I really was upset . I stayed calm , but I hardly behaved like the perfect mommy . I tried to get him to talk about how upset he was about the weekend , but he wanted to focus on how he had been trying to tell me and I hadn 't listened . The conversation was civil , but not the comforting that he needed . He brought it up again last night , brave soul that he is . We talked about it for a while and we did work things out . There were tears , hugs and reconciliation . His claim that he had been trying to tell me turns out not to be without justification . My inability to understand the significance behind the words he was using is completely understandable . But that is not what I want to talk about . I want to talk why that weekend was so upsetting to him . Brian was still seven when we left . I may have said he he was eight , but that was wrong . He was still seven . When we started care we , like most foster parents , did not explain foster care to our kids . We gave them the information that we thought they needed and then they filled in the details . So what we told them went something like this , " Carl 's mom died a couple of years ago and nobody knows where his dad is . So Carl is in a special program that finds families for him to live with . We could join that program and he could live with us . " The boys were excited . They slowly learned more about the reasons why kids were in care , but it wasn 't because I was ever careful about giving them complete and accurate information . Brian in the beginning was only five and I did not want to tell him the truth . That was a mistake . I told him , " There are all sorts of reasons why sometimes parents can 't take care of their kids . " That was another mistake . I did reassure him that he was ours forever and that he would never go to foster care , but I think that assurance did not fill up the space of his anxiety . It did not because I did not understand that he was really worried . He needed more assurance than I was giving hPosted by We all have Verizon cell phones . Brian however has been getting calls with a pre - recorded messages twice a week , " This is Cingular , now AT & T . There is a problem with your wireless account . Please call us back at this 800 number so that we can resolve it . " I called back the number and asked why AT & T was calling my 13 - year - old who had a Verizon phone . It took a while to convince her that I wasn 't kidding . " Can you give me your son 's phone number ? " I did so . " That number is not ours . " " That 's sort of the point . " " Pardon ? " " Your company is calling him every few days and it is not your phone . " " Well . . . they must be calling the wrong number . " " Uh huh . " ( She 's catching on ! ) Silence . Me again , " How do we get your computer to stop calling his number ? " " I don 't know . I mean , it 's just calling a wrong number . " " Yes , but who can tell the computer who makes the calls to stop calling this number ? " She puts me on hold and finally comes back , " Can I have your social security number ? " " Um . . . no . " " Well , it 's the only way I can look up your account . " " None of us have an account with you . If I don 't have an account with you , you won 't have my social security number in your files , right ? " " Right . " " So giving you my social security number won 't allow you to look me up . " " If you don 't want to give it to me , you don 't have to , but without it I can 't look up the account . " " Never mind , I will ask Verizon to change his number so that none of us will ever have to talk to anyone at AT & T again . " " Okay . " " Goodbye . " " Goodbye and thank you for using AT & T . I 'm talking about having a child in counseling . I mean , you might think it would be just a barrel of laughs , but really , it is not so much fun . And , I can speak with authority here , it is even less fun when you are the birth mother . Because , you know , you get to be responsible for everything . So let 's say there was this time years ago when you and your husband went on a trip and it upset your son very , very much but he would not talk about it . Your husband always worried that Something Awful happened but you said that you thought it was really just that you left him when he didn 't want to be left . Of course your husband replied , " That can 't be the only thing . It can 't be just that we left . " But there is no knowing because your son won 't talk about it , and you keep agreeing that it is okay , he doesn 't have to talk about it . And that is the way it stays for years . You think that your son was upset because you left when he really did not want to be left ; your husband is worried about Something Awful ; and the kid ain 't talking . You dutifully bring it up whenever he meets with a new counselor , but the kid doesn 't want to talk about it and you all agree that he doesn 't have to if he doesn 't want to . Then one day your son goes to counseling with Dad because it is Dad 's turn and you are feeling a little ( though perhaps unreasonably ) annoyed with the counselor , even though ( or perhaps because ) she is getting him to express things that he needs to express that no one else has been able to help him express . When they come home Husband is happy that Son made a break - through . He finally talked about The Weekend and it turns out that there was no Something Awful , " It was just that we left him even though he really didn 't want to be left ! He was really upset and afraid we wouldn 't come back . He couldn 't believe that we would go away like that when he didn 't want us to . The counselor thinks this could really be at the heart of his anxiety about people leaving . I never thought it could just be that , but I see now that it could be . He Posted by Even though I gave you the abbreviated version I still got the details wrong . The crucial wrongness was that Faye was not present when the scary things were being said by the scary people . So Faye is being given different versions of what happened and some people in her life , including the boyfriend , are making believing their version a loyalty test . So I have been doing a lot of listening and hand holding . Boyfriend is not allowed in the house and Faye is not allowed off the property with the boyfriend , so they are meeting in our back yard . Everyone , including the social worker , feels safe with this compromise . It is certainly better than her feeling tempted to lie , sneak off , and end up in a dangerous situation . Sigh . I would tell you about all the drama of the last 24 hours but it would be inappropriate . Let 's just say that at the moment I can 't imagine why I 'm committed to teenagers . I think I will foster kittens . You can keep them in boxes , right ? The short version , and the only one I am going to give you is this : Faye 's boyfriend has connections to scary people . Boyfriend got in trouble and along the way angered one of the really scary ones who said to boyfriend , " It would be really sad if Faye were to get hurt or killed " in front of Faye . Boyfriend said nothing , which may have been wise . I 'm a big fan of saying nothing when people are acting irrationally . However saying nothing made Faye feel unloved and abandoned , on top of the fear . I will be talking to the social worker today who will talk to Faye and they will decide if she is safe here , four blocks away from where boyfriend 's mother lives . She probably is , but really , this is more drama than I had anticipated with a simple respite . Respite is supposed to be easy . Yep , it is all about me . Actually it is all about the safety of the family . I think the threats made against Faye were intended to frighten the boyfriend and not something that are likely to be acted upon . On the other hand , this is as far as I am willing to go . If we start getting scary phone calls or if the boyfriend comes by after he is told not to , we will have to consider moving Faye . Me : " So Brian . You know the licensing working talked the other day about there being a lot of new kids coming in this summer . We might finally get one . " Brian : " Okay . " Me : " I want to talk to you again about the age . The agency doesn 't usually get any kids in younger than you . So the kid will almost certainly be older . It is possible though that the next one will be younger than you . When you are sixteen or seventeen we might be able to get a kid who is fourteen or fifteen . " Brian : " But I wanted a younger brother who was a lot younger than me , a baby or a little kid . " Me : " That just isn 't going to happen . " Brian : " Why can 't we get a little kid ? " Me : " Brian , I know that I kept saying no to a puppy and you kept asking and finally I gave in , but this is not the same . I am not getting you a six - year - old . " Brian pouts . " I just really want to be a big brother . " Me : " There are other ways to spend time with little kids . . . I know , I know , it isn 't the same and you would be a great big brother . I am just not going to do it . " Brian : " I really want to be a big brother . " Hubby : " You have a puppy . That 's it . " I know it must seem confusing to him . Why is it that we would be willing to keep " getting " teenagers but not be willing to get a little kid ? Just one ? Because I am not going back . Ever . Brian has always been my youngest and has always been the youngest child I want in the house . I wonder if I will want to stop doing care once he has moved out . Every time he has moved out of a stage of development I feel so finished with that age . Been there , done that . On the other hand I have a great attachment to kids on the cusp of adulthood . I like them , so maybe I will keep taking them . Although if the excitement in Faye 's life doesn 't calm down I 'm not certain about even that . We had our yearly re - licensing visit . The licensing worker asked us if there was any way the organization could be improved . I pointed out that she was the sixth licensing worker to visit us in seven years , so . . . um . . . that was a problem . We had a nice visit . When she asked about what I like about the agency and talking to you all informed that . I told her how much I appreciated that the agency paid for anything the kids really needed , that I knew people who couldn 't afford to do foster care because of all the things they had to purchase . When Evan moved in and had no clothes I went out and spent $ 350 and told them I still would need to buy a coat . They reimbursed me and congratulated me on my frugality . Heck when we first started we needed to build a freaking wall and they paid for the materials . ( We got volunteer labor from church and had to pay an electrician ) . Anyway , she asked us if we were open for a placement and exactly when . I told her that if there was someone right for our family I did not want for them to not introduce us because Evan was here . Evan would not be disturbed by our meeting someone and he was moving out August 24th . She asked , " but where would he sleep ? " That caught me a bit by surprise . In the past whenever we met someone they were living someplace where they could stay while we were all getting to know each other . It took six weeks with Carl , although that was mostly about us getting licensed . David and Evan we each met at the beginning of the summer and moved in the day after we came back from Maine . They each spent quite a bit of time here prior to our trip ( about 21 days each , I think ) and were not officially in the program until they officially moved in . So , I tend to assume that we are always at least a month away from someone actually moving in , although I know that is not how the rest of the world works . She went on to say that there are quite a few kids emancipating from the program right now and so there are a corresponding high number of intakes . If they needed a bed quickly , coPosted by Brian has , for years , been able to cry about the fact that his brother Andrew would someday move away . The first time I remember it clearly was about five years ago when Brian was complaining that he wanted Andrew 's bedroom . We gave him various reasons why he should prefer his and then told him that he could have Andrew 's when Andrew moved out . This took Brian from pouting to weeping . He tried to climb into his brother 's lap and sobbed that he didn 't want Andrew to go away , ever . The boys would have been about 8 and 13 then . He has cried over this more than once . I have held him , comforted him , assured him that he would still be able to talk to his brother . We talked about cell phones and even said we would buy web cams . Hubby and I have noticed that he was more likely to break into these sobs if he was tired or otherwise stressed , though of course that does not mean that he wasn 't really bothered by it . We were often uncertain about whether comforting him was helpful or simply feeding the drama . I struggled for a matter - of - fact attitude . " I can see how badly you feel . If you want to cuddle quietly you can sit with me . If you need to cry loudly you should go to your room . " I tried to acknowledge that his feelings were real and legitimate and yet not reward the dramatic behavior . I still can 't think of any better way I might have handled it . At Brian 's counseling appointment a week and a half ago he reported that he was feeling pretty good . School was almost over and so he wasn 't feeling very stressed . She ( the counselor ) asked me if there was anything I thought they should talk about . I suggested that they talk about Brian 's feelings about his brother leaving in a year . I went out to the waiting room and within ten minutes the wailing and sobbing started . Five minutes later she came out to get me . I sat with him and he crawled under my arm and calmed down a little . She looked a bit overwhelmed , said that she hadn 't realized just how deeply Brian felt about this and that they would have to approach it differently nextPosted by Evan came home to tell me a rather dramatic story where he got very angry at another driver . A teenager came to a full stop before in the lane before making a left hand turn in a time and place where it was unnecessary . Evan , who will agree that maybe part of the problem was that he was driving too closely and quickly , slammed on his breaks and had to drive onto the shoulder to avoid a collision . I won 't embarrass him by telling you just what he did , but I will tell you that it did not come to blows . He was bothered by his reaction . He did feel that he was justified because the other driver 's behavior was so unsafe , but did not like that he was so out of his own control . We talked about how he tends to use his physical size to intimidate and how he looses that when driving his little car , but we agreed that still wasn 't all of it . He thinks even if he were driving a muscle truck he would still get outraged . Why does he feel that way ? Why does he get so very angry . " Evan , do you think it could have anything to do with your cousin dying in a car accident ? " " Yeah . It probably does . " Some triggers are easier to figure out than others . I 'm listening to an audiobook about which I may write later , but today I want only to say that there is a mother - in - law and daughter - in - law who are too careful of each other . They don 't want to cause offense , and are both so polite , that they end up doing things neither wants to do because each thought the other did . It is an interesting thing to be listening to , given that my in - laws just called . My mother - in - law likes me very much . I know that she does . She wants to express approval of me , but what I feel is judged . Perhaps I have come out well , but it never feels safe . I told her about the party . She saw no humor in the situation , was in fact horrified and said she could never imagine anything like that happening when her kids were young . And I feel like she means that I am not a good parent because these things happen at my house , but I think she means to express concern for me that I have to raise my children in such an uncivilized world . She wants to be supportive . And then she tells me about her other sons , their wives and children . She tells me how hard this child has worked ; how hard these adults work ; how her one son just does everything , although his wife is feeling a little bit better and beginning to do more . It 's such a shame . And I feel like the slacker mom . On one hand I know she really likes me , but I feel so defensive with her . I feel constantly watched , evaluated , and even if I am getting positive scores I still feel tense . I want to hide from her any hint that my children are not strong , happy , and successful . The thing with in - laws is that you have these instant family relationships with all the conflicts that come with them and no shared history telling you how to work them out . Evan 's young social worker was also a fostering child . Her parents work in the same program I do . She acquired several siblings through the program . One was the sister she fought with , loved , and was a bridesmaid at her wedding . Her relationship with the other was , more complicated . About a month after her wedding I told herPosted by And oh yeah . . . Tomorrow is our Pride Day and I won 't be there for the first time in seven years . And it is my own fault . I agreed to something that I didn 't have to agree to because I didn 't think it would be that big of a deal . Especially this year when I know how very unorganized the organization committee has been . I thought I would rather miss it than go to something that was thrown together , not advertised , poorly attended and filled with people complaining when they didn 't do anything to make it any better . People like me . Whine , whine , whine , whine , whine . Did you know that the doldrums is a place , like on the planet ? It is the area around the equator where the air rises but the winds are calm to non - existent . If you are a ship , especially one that operates on wind power , you generally want to stay with the trade winds and out of the doldrums . And I am in the metaphorical equivalent . Out of the pressure and flurry of end - of - term . I don 't know if the end - of - term work load is actually any heavier , but it feels heavier . We are exausted and surrounded by others who are . But deadlines must be met ; grades must be turned in ; the wind pushes you along . And then it stops . And there is a pile of things that have been waiting for you . Things you said you would do as soon as the term was over . Important things . Educators , common belief to the contrary , do not get summers off . The nature of the work just changes . There is an entirely new course to be planned ; assessment data to be gathered , summarized and evaluated . There is major writing to be done . And of course the bookstore manager may come to my home with a large pointed stick if I don 't turn in my long over - due book orders . But there is time to work on quilt blocks for the block exchange . It is the perfect project for using up piles of left over fabric . I even drafted some patterns of my own , and looked forward to the summer when I could work on it . But now it is an uninspiring pile of fabric . Getting the sewing machine out of the closet feels like too much work . There is no wind . And I think I should delete this post because it has nothing to do with care or even parenting . I told myself when I started this blog that I wasn 't going to assume that people would be interested in my reporting on my moods . What is more boring than a post from someone complaining about being enervated ? Yep . Definitely the doldrums . I had a long phone call with a friend . . . someone who is particularly good at helping me sort through what I am feeling ( okay . . . it was my Alanon sponsor ; everyone should have one ) . I also spoke with Evan again . I told him that I didn 't have anything particular I wanted to say , but not havng talked about it felt strange . He said he understood and that he had contacted the person he hurt . I do believe that , by the way . He knew things that I had said , and not said , to the other party . I don 't know if Evan apologized , but I know he called and that means something to me . And just talking about it was good . I feel like I was finally able to put the whole thing to bed . This whole Alanon sponsorship thing - - it 's pretty cool . We should have it as foster parents . Someone you are allowed to call ; someone who is committed to following the same principles you are who is willing to talk through any situation . Someone who can help you figure out why you still feel crummy if you are convinced that you handled the situation right . Writing here helped a great deal . . . and so did your comments . Thanks y ' all . So I 'm still in this strange emotional place . The relevant details are this : Evan did something that hurt someone I don 't even know . I don 't think he set out to hurt anyone , but he did . I have responded to it in a way that I and my husband , and others who know all the details , feel is appropriate to Evan , particularly considering his age . I honestly believe that I have done everything that I should and everything that would be helpful . The rest is up to him . He can learn from this or not . Though I have been , I think , acting naturally with him , he has been avoiding me . This may , or may not , be an indication of an appropriate level of regret / shame regarding what he had done . And I want to yell at him like a recovering alcoholic wants a drink . At every level I know it would be a bad thing . Though the intial burst of energy would feel so good . I could take this negativity inside me and throw it out at him and that moment would be a release . I would enjoy it . But like an addict I know it wouldn 't be just one outburst . It would escalate . It would turn ugly . I would end up in a place where I did not like myself . I would not have helped him . I could tell myself that it would be for Evan 's own good . That he needs to know just how bad what he has done really is . Except I know that he already knows that . Or at least I don 't think that there is anything I could do that would be more helpful than what I have done . But even if it were true , I know that I don 't want to instigate drama between us because it would help him . I want it because I want to dump this negative energy . I want to throw it out into the world . Yep . I am so very like a recovering alcoholic . I walked through a bar yesterday . I ordered a club soda and left . My husband is proud of me . " You did the right thing " he says . I know he is right . But I stand here on the sidewalk , looking at the bar thinking , " G - d , I want a drink . " It would be so easy . Faye called . I don 't think I have heard from her for two years . It really must be at least that long ; she never met Evan . She was arranging her own respite care ; she wants to know if she can stay here from the 11th to the 24th of this month . I told her it was okay with me if it was okay with her FM and social worker . Last I knew her older sister had got licensed just so they could be together . I saw them together at an event . They looked happy . I was happy for Faye . When Faye first came here she was angry . She had moved into Mandy 's less than a week before and she was not happy about being in respite before she had had a chance to settle . That first weekend she did little more than sulk . But she came back and gradually became one of our favorites . She did well at Mandy 's and , like just about all the girls who do well there , got tired of all the drama from the other girls . So she moved to another home and then to her sister 's . And now she has moved again . She turns 18 in August . She seemed to take it for granted that she would be leaving care then . I told her that she did not have to , that the agency will give her full support until she is done with high school . She seemed surprised . I was just able to talk to her social worker . She hopes the sister will work it out by the end of summer and that Faye will move back . It 's her only real hope for staying in care until she graduates . But , in any case , she will be spending a couple of weeks with us . I am looking forward to seeing her again . I read somewhere that Mark Twain said that he did not lie because his memory wasn 't good enough . I definitely get that . That was in fact why we so often caught Carl in lying . He couldn 't keep straight what he had told to whom . We would know that he had lied , even if we didn 't know what the truth was . I learned not to ask , " Did you do X ? " when I knew very well that he had . Now , when I know that someone has done something I just address it . Sometimes I say things like , " I want you to stop telling me you are looking for a job when you are just hanging out with a friend . " Or " The bill for your text messages on my cell phone is $ 9 , what 's the best way for you to pay me ? " And sometimes that is followed up with things like not allowing them to borrow my cell phone anymore . It can feel strange though , because it also defuses me . In dealing with it that way I am cutting off my own opportunity to rant and yell at them . I am not telling them how angry and disappointed I am that they have lied or done whatever they have done . They know though . Now it is good that it defuses me . Not escalating , simply imposing consequences is a good thing , but it can still feel strange . It feels like there is this other part of me that wants to yell , or at least lecture , dying to get out . But I know this path is better . I am sad , but my blood pressure is staying down . He knows he got caught . He knows I disapprove . We both know I can 't control him and trying to would just push us into an escalating battle . No , there isn 't a lot that I can do that is productive . Well , except re - instate that service where no one can make a long distance call without knowing the secret code . Why did I cancel that before ? I forget . ____ Update : I put on the block . He reactivated his cell phone . Good thing I wasn 't deluded about my ability to control him . Daughter , sister , wife , mother , foster - parent blog writer , philosophy professor . . . I am and have been many things . These days my identities as a teacher of bioethics and the daughter of a woman with Parkinson 's and dementia lead me to agree with Peter Singer , " It 's different when it 's your mother . "
|
I was inside some huge indoor area that was flooded . The place was huge , like a convention center , but it somehow had the look of a living room . It was like , above the surface of the water , there were dry areas , along the walls of the huge space , that looked like little living rooms . The water had risen to its crest , I believe . But it was still surging and waving a little . I was in the middle of it all . It was hard to keep my head above water after the little surges and waves . It was like I was being pulled down deep below the surface . There were a man above the surface and a woman below the surface . Both people , I believe , were Asian , probably young , and both good looking . I think I 'd see the woman when I 'd get sucked below the surface . I 'd think the woman was kind and pretty . But the man , when I 'd come above the surface , would tell me not to let the woman suck me under . He told me the woman would keep me under if I let her suck me under . I was now wary of the woman . I got sucked under again . But I saw the woman again , and somehow she convinced me to stay under the water for a little bit longer . She was really cute . She wore a tight , leopard print tank top and tiny , blue jean shorts . I had descended all the way down to the bottom of the water . I was now afraid . I had done what the man had told me not to do . Would I drown ? I could feel that I 'd need air soon . But now I found I could breathe underwater . I looked around . It was like there was a little living room down here . I was surprised . But , I thought , it looked like the perfect place to have parties . Probably , I thought , this woman invites people over all the time to have wild parties . I thought that now that I lived down here with the woman , I 'd have to deal with all these annoying wild parties . The woman , I knew , had swum up to the surface . I kept waiting for her to return . I think I really wanted to see her legs again , in those tiny jean shorts . I was driving a vehicle with my brother at night . We were driving down a road like a main road that ran just along the suburban residential neighborhood my family lived in when I was in high school . The vehicle I drove was something like a mix between some sort of cargo truck and a motor home . But the front area , the cabin , seemed somehow to be separated from the motor home part . The cabin also seemed to have two or more seats behind the front row of seats . My brother sat in one of the backseats . At some point in time my mother got into the car . She may have come in through the driver 's side door . But I was still driving , while my mom sat in the front passenger 's seat . My mom may have started making comments about my driving , probably about how she thought I didn 't know where I was going . I tried to ignore my mom and just keep my thoughts on the road . But now my mom had pulled some of my notebook journals out of a book bag or backpack I had lying on the floor . She started making comments about how some of the stuff I had written was inappropriate . She may even have torn pages out of the notebooks or threatened to tear the pages out . I was really angry that my mom had messed around with my notebooks . I told her to put my notebooks away and leave my stuff alone . Now she was really offended . She may have been silent in a really sulky way , or she may have said some really needling things to me , to make me feel bad for having criticized her . I did feel bad , now . But I wasn 't going to apologize . I wasn 't going to lose focus of the road either . My mom had no right just going through my stuff the way she did . I knew where I needed to get now . I knew I needed to get to a certain street ( I can 't remember ) in a certain neighborhood . I knew that no way would be quick . But I knew there was a somewhat direct way , given where we were . I knew I had to go up to a certain street and turn left . But I could only turn left on that street if I was paying attention the whole time . I kept myself in a frame of mind where I felt like I was paying attention . Suddenly , though , there were a bunch of women walking through the street in the opposite direction from my vehicle . There were maybe twenty of them . They all looked , I guess , like Gretel in the fairy tale of " Hansel and Gretel . " They wore white caps with hook - shaped twists coming down over the ears and then back up . They wore yellow - skirted dresses with black tops and white shirts underneath . The tops seemed to be laced somehow . They all seemed to be part of some club . And they were all walking at random through the street . I was doing everything I could to dodge all the Gretel girls and to keep my focus on where I needed to turn . But at one point my mom grabbed the steering wheel . She forced the steering wheel over so that the vehicle pulled all the way over to the left ( my left ) side of the road . It seemed like we almost hit a few Gretel girls as we veered to the side of the road . But they all seemed to have gotten out of our way . My mom had now made me a nervous wreck . I stopped the car . My mom was yelling and screaming at me about how I 'd almost hit all those girls . The vehicle was swaying too and fro . Even though I was still in the big vehicle , it actually felt like I was on something that I was having a hard time balancing , like a motorcycle . I told my mom that I was done driving while she was in the vehicle . If she wanted us to go anywhere , she could drive . I pulled the vehicle over into some dirt lot , which may have been an RV lot . My mom and brother and I got out . My sister may now also have been with us , as well as a couple other family members , maybe some of my nephews . All the lights in the vehicle were on , and the headlights of the vehicle were also left on . As we got out of the vehicle , my ex - girlfriend H came walking up to me . She was holding some books or notebooks . She said she was so happy finally to see everybody in my family . Everybody else was walking away from the vehicle . So I told H that I 'd introduce her to everybody in a moment . She may have tried interacting with them already , although they hadn 't seemed to interact with her . I realized I hadn 't told my family anything about H . So they didn 't know her to interact with her . H 's lips were all messed up . It was like the flesh of her lips had been replaced with something like a dried pudding , or maybe scabs . Her lips didn 't puff out , either . They were flat , even a tiny bit sunken in . H and I headed up into the vehicle . The living area part of the vehicle could now be accessed through the back end of the cabin . There was a kind of tall bed . I had my bookbag on the bed . H was asking me something about how my life was going . I was trying to explain to her that my job in Colorado really wasn 't working out , and that I had to find something else to do . I told her something about some project somewhere . It was some kind of project , maybe scientific , that somebody had approached me about without my having made any first contact with them . But it ended up sounding like something I really wanted to do . But when I 'd thought about doing it , I explained to H , I hesitated . I 'd come back to Colorado to be with my family . This assignment would take me out of Colorado . So I didn 't know if it really would be right for me to do it . I knew that I had all the documents relating to the project in my book bag . I could see in my mind 's eye the cover of some book . The cover was blue , with a white drawing of one hemisphere of a globe . There were possibly white drawings of something like olive leafs crossing below the drawing of the globe . I thought if I could show the documentation to H , she could see what I was talking about . Maybe she 'd be impressed that this organization contacted me directly to ask me to work for them . But when I pulled the documents out of my bookbag - - I saw that the offer had expired ! I was supposed to reply by a certain time . I 'd missed the window . The offer was no longer good ! I threw the papers down on the ground and began crying . I told H , " It doesn 't matter anymore ! It doesn 't matter ! It 's all over with ! I can 't do anything ! " I walked over to the windshield of the vehicle . I looked down into the light from the headlights to see if I could find my family . Everything went black . I may have still been having some sort of conversation with H . The conversation may have continued as the light faded back in . I found myself in a subway station , something like the Times Square subway station . I was heading up out of the station . But I was stuck behind three young men . The men were either white or white and Hispanic . They wore baggy t - shirts , cocked baseball caps , and baggy jean shorts . They were walking in all kinds of weird ways . At some point either I may have wondered whether they had something wrong with their legs , or else they may actually have had something wrong with their legs . I went up either an escalator or staircase behind these guys . It was hard to get around them . I got around them as everybody passed through the exit turnstiles of the station . But then we all turned left through some small , kind of dumpy - looking shopping area . The guys had managed to loop around some column where nobody had been walking and get right in front of me again . They were still walking around all crazy and laughing with each other , like they enjoyed slowing down people 's walking . But I don 't think they were aware of me in particular . Finally a lot of us who had exited the subway were heading up an escalator into a shopping center . I knew I couldn 't stand waiting behind these guys at all anymore . I had to get up ahead of them before we all got jammed onto this escalator . So I maneuvered my way ahead of the guys . The guys all seemed surprised that I 'd gotten past them . Maybe I 'd done it a little forcibly or awkwardly . The guys may have been offended . I hoped not . I didn 't want to get in a fight with them later on . The escalator was really steep . But I was running up it two steps at a time . I could even sense that the guys behind me were kind of amazed that I was so serious about getting wherever I needed to go . There were a lot fewer people on the escalator by the time I got to the top of it . I was now on the floor of what looked like a shopping mall . But I knew I still had to keep going up . There was another escalator . I had to run to and up that escalator as well . This escalator was even steeper than the last . There was probably nobody other than me on this escalator . It was really difficult for me to get to the top of it . But I managed . I was on another floor like a floor in a shopping mall . I could see another escalator . This one was really small , and the steps on it almost looked like steps on a regular old staircase . I ran to it . But getting up it was unbelievably difficult . I was already extremely exhausted . And the steps were so steep , it was almost like climbing backwards . And - - I could see , just beyond this escalator , that I had one last escalator to climb - - a tall one - - even steeper than the rest ! At the top of the small escalator I decided to take a break . I may have determined that I was far , far ahead of the guys now and that I didn 't need to worry about them anymore . I was on another floor like the floor of a shopping mall . I sat down on a rather nice bench which seemed to be cushioned and upholstered in something like brown fake suede . Off to my right was a shop with a dark front . It looked like a clothing store inside - - some kind of dimly lit , trendy clothing store , perhaps . But on the left ( my left ) side of the shop front was a slim , glass window with a TV screen . The TV screen was playing some music video . The music video was colorful , with yellows and pinks and whites , and I liked it a lot . It may have looked like it was from the 1980s . But I can 't remember it now . But I had the ability to control the TV , maybe by a game joystick . And I played the video two or three times in a row . A second music video now played . It also looked like it was from the 1980s . But the color scheme was a lot more drab and sinister . There were a couple , a man and a woman , watching the screen now . They must have come from inside the shop . As the couple watched the screen I realized that the space around the screen was filled with something like a Japanese scroll , patterned with something like orange and green flowers , very blocky and circular , on a white background . After a moment , though , they walked away from the screen . The couple were white , somewhat well - off looking , and maybe in their late thirties or early forties . The woman was pretty . The man was overweight , balding , with a red beard and a little red hair and eyeglasses . Both the man and the woman were wearing kimonos . One wore a purple kimono with white designs . Another wore an orange kimono with white designs . I was kind of surprised that an older white couple would be walking through the mall wearing kimonos . But now I saw another white couple walking out of the clothing shop wearing kimonos . One of the kimonos was mint green . Then there were three or four more white people , these ones single or in a group of friends , walking out of the shop and also wearing kimonos ! I was surprised , but I probably just assumed that this was the new fashion . I went back to the music video . It was finishing , and I wanted to replay it . But a man who had sat down beside me while I 'd been looking at all the kimono people now had the joystick . He wanted to play some other music video . I figured that would be cool . I 'd gotten kind of obsessed with the first music video . And I didn 't want to get obsessed with the second music video , too . But I would have , if this man hadn 't been here to stop me . Besides , it would be nice to see someone else 's tastes in music . You always learned cool , new artists that way . But the man was having a hell of a time figuring out how to get a music video to play . I 'm not sure if he 'd made me feel like I shouldn 't help him . But I didn 't help him . I just waited for him to figure out how to work the joystick so he could play a music video . But after a moment , I realized it was going to take him a really long time to figure things out . I stood up and walked away from the area . It was like I was in the kitchen of some kind of big , but run - down house . But the kitchen was supposed to be more like the living room of the house . There was a tall stairway leading up to some place that I felt like I needed to get to . So I headed toward the staircase . But the man , sensing that I was annoyed with his having taken control of the joystick and then having no idea of what to do with it , but still wanting to keep me around - - just to control me , I guess - - called after me , in a kind of loose , but menacing tone , " Hey , stay upstairs . " The man meant that I should stay on the floor I was currently on . Apparently there was a downward staircase as well as the upward one , though I couldn 't see it . The man thought I was taking the downward staircase , but he didn 't want me to . I knew it wasn 't that he didn 't want me to go downstairs . It was that he didn 't want me to leave this floor - - his sphere of control . But I went upstairs anyway . I figured that if the man bugged me about it later , I 'd just tell him that I thought when he 'd told me to stay upstairs he 'd simply meant that I shouldn 't go downstairs . The staircase was long and steep , and it got dimmer and dimmer as I went up . Finally I was in a small room , kind of like a bedroom . It was really cluttered and dim , though there was a light coming from some other room - - apparently a tiny staircase that went up into an attic - - off to my right . I realized this was my old friend Y 's bedroom . I don 't know if Y went on vacation for a little while or went to live somewhere for a longer time . But she 'd left a lot of stuff here . She had a bunch of old movies , books , and music that I was either familiar with and liked a lot or that I 'd been curious about but had never gotten a chance to check out . There was a bookshelf along the left wall . I went as close to it as I could - - it seemed to be blocked off by a bunch of haphazardly placed and stacked furniture - - cushiony , upholstered with some kind of fake , blue suede or crushed velvet material . But I could reach over the furniture to one of the upper shelves . I pulled down a few DVD cases . The DVDs were anime DVDs . The titles all seemed almost , but not quite , familiar to me . It was like they were all series based very closely on series I was familiar with , but with just a few odd , unsettling differences . The titles also seemed to be like that - - almost familiar , but with weird , unsettling differences . I was interested in one of the DVDs . I thought I 'd play it . I was now watching it - - probably in my mind 's eye , although my mind 's eye had expanded into my full view . The cartoon dealt with a young demon character . The character was young and naive , but he looked old , almost like Cherry in Urusei Yatsura . There was another demon who looked like the young demon , except that he was much older , purple , more demon - like , and naked . The setting was some big , empty , wooden room , like some kind of traditional Japanese room . But it was apparently supposed to be used for washing dishes . The young demon had made a mistake and had broken a dish . The older demon knew how to play on the young demon 's sense of guilt . He wanted to young demon to go away . So he was trying to make the young demon feel like the broken dish would put him in a very dangerous , or at least shameful , situation with the master . The young demon believed this and was about to leave the master 's residence . But some accident occurred . It was like , without the young demon 's will , the young demon 's magic created , or at least assisted , the situation . Every plate in the room was swept up , broken , shattered into tiny , tiny pieces of dust . The plate dust spun and spun around the room , like a cyclone , eventually whirling in purple clouds against the walls . The young demon himself was pushed back against the walls . It was almost like the cloud of plate dust was pulverizing him into the wall , integrating him into the wall . But eventually the cloud of plate dust subsided . Everything seemed to be okay . Either all the plates were fixed , or else all the plates had reconfigured themselves into something that was enough value to replace the plates as they had been before . The young demon stepped out from the wall . He now looked like the older demon . He was purple , more demon - like than human , more featureless , with purple wings coming off his back , and naked . He now understood - - or at least the audience understood - - that the older demon had been playing around with the young demon this whole time . The one dish the young demon had broken didn 't matter . The older demon had made a lot more mistakes than that in his life . And now the older demon was paying for all his tricks . The young demon looked over to a doorway that was on the wall to his right . The wall around the doorway now looked like a tree trunk . And now , embedded in the wall , where the canopy of this tree would have been , was a gigantic plate . The plate was veined over with tree roots , but other than that it was whole , embedded into the wall . The young demon understood that that was what had happened , either to the plates that had been in the plate dust cyclone , or else to the plates that the old demon had broken . And now the young demon saw the older demon 's face printed onto the giant plate , drawn onto it like one of Leonardo 's old drawings . The young demon knew that the older demon was trapped on the plate forever . The older demon looked angry . The young demon knew that if the older demon could ever escape , he would try to find a way to hurt the young demon . But the young demon knew that the older demon would never escape . There was now a strange scene , showing , somehow , the torture the older demon was going through . There was a close up on the demon 's face . It pulled closer and closer in , until it got up to the demon 's eye . Then , inside the demon 's eye , the demon 's face reappeared . The view pulled closer and closer to that demon 's eye . Then the demon 's face appeared in that eye . This tunnel effect happened again and again , until finally the view approached an eye that was shut . The eye opened - - and it was blank ! The cartoon faded to black . I now realized I was watching , not a DVD , but a VCR tape . The cartoon I 'd been watching had been dubbed onto this tape by my friend Y . I now waited to see what the next thing was that my friend Y had dubbed onto this tape . An experimental film faded into view . I knew that the film was by an experimental filmmaker both Y and I liked quite a bit . The basic theme of the film was showing the filmmaker 's daughters . There would be an old , black and white photo of one of the daughters as a child . Then a superimposed , color film image of the daughter would fade into view . The daughter would be moving , probably doing some sort of repetitive motion that the filmmaker was accustomed to see her doing . The film may have shown one older daughter and then the youngest daughter . As the film showed the youngest daughter , I reflected on how pretty the girl had been as a little girl . Although she was pretty as she 'd gotten older , something about her face had changed . She wasn 't overweight . But something about her face had made her seem overweight . ( I 'm sorry for the shallow thought . ) The film now faded away and I was looking at the youngest daughter in real life . She was in some bathroom in some apartment or hotel on some high floor . I stood just outside the bathroom , looking up to the woman , more as if I were a small child than myself . The woman was maybe nineteen or twenty years old . She was tall , with tan skin , a kind of athletic build , and short , blonde and brown hair in a squarish , boyish style . She wore a white tank top , maybe with another , colored , tank top beneath it . The woman was putting on blue eye shadow and practicing making sexy faces in the mirror . I had the idea that the woman was making sexy faces in hopes of seducing a woman . I felt like the woman really didn 't like boys . But the way she was making sexy faces was really turning me on . I had to talk to her . So , hoping to start out neutral and see how far I could get from there , I asked the woman something about film making . The woman , instead of facing the mirror , was now standing behind the bathroom counter , in the spot where the mirror had been . She was really dressed up , and now her hair was long , probably done up in an upward style , She wore a mask that looked like blue eyeshadow , except that it went straight up , like her eyelids were poking all the way up to the top of her forehead . I understood and left the woman alone , although I did seem to be impressed that someone as sexy as she was could be a virgin star . We were now heading out of the hotel or apartment building , walking toward the front doors through a airy and bright , but rather empty , foyer . I stopped about halfway through the foyer and watched as the woman met up with a few of her friends - - male and female . The friends all looked tall , well - dressed , and well - off . I still felt as tiny as a child , maybe only about 75cm tall . At some point everybody in the group turned around to look at me . Either one of the group asked me something about David Bowie , or I asked the group something about David Bowie . It immediately became apparent that I knew David Bowie . And now , because of this , I went from being totally ignored to being paid attention to by everybody in the group . I was dealing with some sort of dream ( ? - I have a feeling that on some level I knew this was a dream ) entity who was really sensitive and could become angry really easy . I don 't know whether he was good or bad . But apparently I was trying to work with him because if I didn 't appease him he was going to destroy something . But I ran into trouble with the man when I was no longer able to control some parts of my own identity . I could see my identity as three women . The women were all supposed to be identical . They all had the same body form and the same kind of shoulder - length , but almost bowl - cut - like , black hair . Their eyes were weird , like they were wearing sunglasses without actually wearing any glasses . These three female identities of myself may have been naked . One of them may have been completely visible . Another may have been silvery , like a silver mannequin of a person . The other was transparent , like a clear , plastic model of a person . At some point they may have stood in the opening doors of a train like a subway train , out at a train station stop surrounded by fields of tall grass , under a deep blue sky . I had the idea that one of the women was supposed to help me control my dream . But none of the women seemed to have that trait . One of the women would do the reverse of anything I asked . Another woman may have acted completely at random . I can 't remember what the third woman would do . The man seemed to understand the situation . But I knew that I had to stop the women from acting . Because if they did anything that made it look like I was betraying the man , the man would only blame me , not my identities . But the man still understood the situation enough to think it was funny . The man even made some remark to me about not being able to control myself or my identities . I was possibly trying to get to the man . I was on a subway . But I realized I had gone the wrong way on the train . My identities may have been with me . The man may have laughed again - - from wherever he was - - about my not even being able to go the right way on the train . The train door opened outside , in one of the upper levels of a sports stadium . There were a whole bunch of people both inside and outside the train car . I rushed out of the car and into the packed crowd of people . I ran over to the staircase at the bottom of this level . I rushed down the staircase while a whole bunch of other people were rushing up - - though maybe some other people were also rushing down . At the bottom of the staircase was another subway platform . The train arriving at this platform would take me back to where I 'd come from . Then I could get off this train and get back on the train I had just been on . And then I 'd be able to get to the right place . I was in a room in some small apartment . There was a group of men and women with me . The men and women were all at least somewhat attractive , all in about their late twenties or early thirties . We had all finished some kind of task . Now some people decided that we should have a sexual orgy . I was sitting on the floor - - I think the apartment had one table , but no chairs . Two men pulled off their clothes and lay down by me . I was feeling kind of sexually excited by them . They were already starting to have sex . I may have stood up in search of a sexual partner . Other people may now have been taking their clothes off and preparing to have sex . I was drifting away , possibly with some other people in the group , to some other location . I had gone far away from the apartment . But there was a tube that reached all the way from the apartment to where my group was . This tube was clear and made of some kind of thin plastic or latex . The plastic itself had a yellowish tinge to it . The tube was maybe 20cm in diameter . Some clear gel was pumping through the tube . I knew this gel was sperm from the two men . As they had sex with each other , they just kept pumping more and more sperm through this tube , all the way over to where the group now was . But there may have been something wrong with the sperm tube . I needed to go check it out . I went all the way back to the apartment . I was now walking up to the front door of the apartment , following the sperm tube as I walked . I thought to myself that maybe it would finally be my turn to have sex . But I thought that it was probably still unlikely . The two men would still be pumping their sperm away . And if I even slightly bugged them about finishing up , it would never be my turn for sex . I went into the house . I could see that everybody was taking off their clothes , getting ready to have an orgy . But everybody in the apartment seemed to have Down Syndrome . People took off their clothes and lay on the floor . That was when I got good views of their bodies . Some of the men had nice bodies . Some of the women almost had nice bodies , except that their breasts and hips were exaggerated in size and really saggy . Other men and women were really chubby . I wasn 't attracted to anybody . I decided not to have sex . As everybody started to have sex , the scene shifted to a park scene . Everybody having sex was on some open , dry , dusty area , like an overused sports field . I sat at the edge of this field with a number of other people . The area we sat on was also pretty dry and dusty . But it sloped up a tiny bit , and there seemed to be pine needles covering the ground , as if pine trees were behind us somewhere . The whole seating area and the whole dusty orgy - field were all covered over with shade from huge tree canopies , through which little fragments of sunlight would occasionally peep through . I sat on the ground with my knees almost up to my chest , looping my arms around my knees . Other people sat on the ground , while some sat on a couple of benches and some stood . We were all watching the people on the field having sex . Now it seemed like none of the people having sex had a body type that I liked at all . I was actually getting kind of bored with watching the people have sex . There was apparently a restaurant , like a Denny 's , behind the slope that I sat on . A group of people came out from the restaurant , out onto the slope . The group seemed to be a few families . Among the families were a number of pretty girls . I backed up to get a better view of the pretty girls . One of them had tan skin and brown hair . I liked her a lot . The families all seemed to be curious about what the group I was with was watching . Suddenly I realized that if the girl saw what I was watching she would think I was a pervert . I backed up from the orgy as much as I could , while still staying seated on the ground . I realized my " shoulder straps " had come undone while I had been watching the orgy . I pulled them back up over my shoulders . It was then I realized I 'd been wearing girls - style , white denim overalls with short leggings . Something about the overalls was also bunched up or ruffled , maybe around the leggings and on the chest . I wasn 't wearing a shirt or anything else ( including underwear , I think ) under the overalls . My outfit may have had something in common with the pretty girl 's outfit . But I may have been too embarrassed at my own outfit to notice . When everybody else saw how I was backing away from the orgy , they all said , " Ah , look . . . Preemie 's bored with this whole thing . This show 's getting boring . Let 's just say the show 's over . " Suddenly the show was over , just like it had been scheduled . Now another group of performers walked up onto the lot . But the lot was now made of asphalt . And , somehow , it was re - oriented : 90 degrees to the left of where it had previously been . The group of performers all made it obvious to me , possibly by singing a little snatch or two from a song , that they were going to perform the musical Jesus Christ Superstar . I was excited , as I 've always liked that musical . The group all stood in a grid - like formation and began to sing . I might not have been able to understand the group 's singing . So I stood up to get closer and hear better . But as I got closer , I was kind of disappointed . The song didn 't sound familiar to me at all . Were these guys performing a newer version of the musical ? I listened closer to the song . The group was actually singing about plot elements from the old Bible cartoon Superbook ! The group may even have said the word " Superbook . " I told myself , Oh , no ! This isn 't Jesus Christ Superstar . It 's a musical for the cartoon of Superbook ! I may have been planning to get out of here . But as I was walking away I kept trying to pull my backpack ( ? ? ? ) back onto my shoulders . But the straps of the backpack were so small . I kept trying to pull the right strap onto my right arm . But right before it got to the shoulder , it just wouldn 't fit . It felt tighter and tigher . It was squeezing my arm like some black rubber band . I thought to myself , Man ! Have I gained a lot of weight recently ? This backpack used to fit me ! I was at some event like a fair or a Renaissance festival . I stood out on a wide , asphalt walkway . There were a lot of people , all walking around to different small shops or booths . But nobody really got near me . The sky overhead was greyish white with thin clouds . It was probably a warm day . I pulled some object out of my pocket . It flipped open , like a flip - phone . It was just a little larger than a flip - phone . But it wasn 't a phone . It was kind of like a mirror : it shone or reflected in a silvery way , like a mirror . But what it really was was a picture of myself from when I was in college . I looked at myself from that photo . I looked just about the same as I look now , except that I had a weird mustache . The mustache went down primly from the center of my nose . Then at the top of my lip , it curved sharply back up . As it spread out at the corners of my mouth , it kind of twisted out like a handlebar mustache . But the " handlebars " looked disgusting . It was like they were made of overused , black toothbrush bristles . The edges of the mustache were so spiky and worn - out looking and gross . I looked at the photo again . I noticed that I also had a mustache just above my eyebrows . It was like a handlebar mustache as well . But it was much smaller and tighter . For some reason it made complete sense to me that I 'd had a mustache on my forehead . I was in some room like a side room or a storage room in a large building like a high school or a college . But the side room was also filled with desks , like it was a classroom itself . I sat at one of the desks . An older woman , like Mary Carrillo in Entre Tinieblas , stood behind me , looking over my shoulder . I was writing in a notebook . I was apparently writing gossip about movie stars . But it was also like I was writing gossip about the woman 's family , friends , or business associates . This was apparently my job , and now my work day was over . I stood up out of my desk . The older woman , who was probably my boss , told me what elements of gossip I was missing about people . I would need to fill this gossip into the stuff I was writing . As I stood out of my desk , a young man , maybe Southeast Asian , with dark skin and short hair , and wearing a blue , button - up shirt and tie , walked into the room . He prepared to sit down in the desk in front of my desk . This man was a financial researcher . He now worked either for one of my old bosses or somebody like one of my old bosses . The man 's boss came into the room now . He was really lighting into the young man , who may now have been sitting , about how terrible some of his recent work had been , and how he needed to improve so much . I came to understand that the quality of my old work had been much higher than the quality of this man 's work . The woman was gone , but I had another boss , probably like one of my old bosses . This boss of mine may have told me about how good my work was . He probably then told me some things I 'd need to do when I came in to work the next day . I was leaving for the night on very good terms with my boss . This probably made the other worker jealous . I walked out of the building , which was now a lot like a college building . It was night , but there were a lot of people walking into or around the building . The building had a glass wall where the doors were . But the glass was was nestled in between two semicircular , sweeping brick structures . Before the entrance to the building was a wide , concrete plaza - like area . Beyond that was a parking lot which mostly lay in darkness . There were a few black women walking in toward the building . Some of them were walking alongside their bicycles . There may also have been a few black women walking out from the building . I may have been worried that they were walking faster than me and that I needed to speed up . I got out to a sidewalk that ran alongside a road connecting the parking lot to the outside road . It was pretty dark here . I knew I had to catch a bus . The bus seemed pretty far away . I had to walk down this road to the main road . I had to turn right onto the main road and head up some hill that ran along the grounds of this school . I then had to turn right and walk some distance along a back road to get to the bus stop . But it was already almost time for the bus to arrive . I was pretty sure I wouldn 't be able to catch the bus at all . But I thought there was a small chance that if I ran I could catch the bus . So at first I began walking really fast , and then I began running . But as I was running I heard a voice tell me that I shouldn 't put too much effort into my running . I was now in some room with an old , tall , thin man in a white lab coat . The man was telling me about the effects on the bodies of people who had overexerted themselves in really hot weather ( although I don 't remember the weather having been hot ) . The man may have shown me photos or films of , or just vividly told me about , one person in particular . This person overexerted himself in hot weather . He had something like a heart attack - - his heart just locked , froze up . But then the rest of his body malfunctioned . His body heat kept rising and rising , until finally his insides just began melting . I may have asked the man not to tell me anymore about this man , or even about this disease . I may have tried to walk to another room , just to get away from the man 's gruesome stories . This room was like a classroom . But it didn 't have any school desks in it , and it was divided in certain places by curtains like curtains dividing bed spaces from each other in a hospital room . The man sat right outside or on the threshold of one of these curtained areas , in a pale , wooden chair . Just inside the curtained area was a big desk like a teacher 's desk . A sexy nurse sat at the desk , working away at a report or some kind of paperwork . The man was continuing to tell me about the burning - up disease . He told me that as the burning - up disease progressed , actual layers of skin would peel away from a person 's body , just curling backward . He may have said that this began at the extremities of the body . To prove this to me , the man was holding a white , plastic trash bag with a man 's hand in it . I couldn 't see the man 's hand , but I knew that there were sections of the hand where the skin was peeling backwards . But instead of the skin peeling backward and revealing red or pink flesh beneath , it just revealed more and more whitish , rubbery skin . I was flying through the air with my brother . I don 't know what kind of aircraft we were in , or whether we were in an aircraft at all . I was definitely at least partly exposed to the air . My brother was in control of the flight , and he was flying really erratically . This may partly have been because he was fighting or maneuvering around something like a dragon . But he was also flying really crazy just because he wanted to shake me up , possibly even to get me thrown out of the air altogether . I don 't know whether my brother knew this , but I was holding onto a notebook . The notebook had important information in it , and I couldn 't let go of it . It was hard enough to stay in the air with my brother 's flying . But it was even harder to hold on to the notebook . Now I was back on the ground . I 'm not sure about my brother . I was moving through a street . I was moving along one of the lanes in the street , as if I were in a car . But I 'm not sure I actually was in a car . I felt like I was out in the open air , floating maybe a meter above the ground , standing straight up , and moving along the road at about the speed of the car . Others on the road may have been doing the same thing , including a really cute , well - dressed , Asian girl . I still had the notebook in my arms , even though I felt like I had lost something while I 'd been up in the air . I was disappointed that I 'd lost whatever I 'd lost . But I thought I could at least boast to my brother , if it was ever brought up , that I hadn 't lost the notebook . I turned left down some road . I was then in a bedroom . The bedroom seemed big and nice , maybe with thick , wood walls . But it was all cluttered with stuff like blankets . I was probably sitting on the floor , at something like a low desk , surrounded by all kinds of blankets . I may have been trying to do some kind of work , either in a notebook or on a computer . But now my mom opened the door to my room . I think that when my mom opened the door , I could see into the halllway . I think it was then that I realized I was in some really big mansion . My mom told me that my brother wanted to talk to me . He had some really big scheme for making a lot of money . And he wanted me to be in on it . The scheme also involved one of his friends . So he wanted me to meet his friend as well . But I had a bad feeling about the whole thing . I already knew that I simply wouldn 't be a part of any scheme my brother was putting together . But I was a little worried that I wouldn 't be able to avoid meeting my brother 's friend . I had a bad feeling , though , that if I met my brother 's friend , that would bring a whole bunch of trouble into my life . I was so angry that I must have been scaring my brother . Instead of walking up the stairwell , he was now walking down it , backwards . He was still calling up to me , a really wild look in his eyes , talking about his scheme , and talking about this friend of his he wanted me to meet . But finally I must have said something really insulting or upsetting to my brother . He finally stopped talking . But he seemed really sad , depressed . I felt bad for having told him whatever I 'd told him . We were now sitting down in something like a living room . My brother sat in a big , cushiony chair . I sat down on the floor . I may have been writing in a notebook , which may have rested on something like a stool . All around me and my brother was clutter , mostly stuff like bedding . At some point I may have apologized to my brother for whatever bad thing I 'd said to him . I may have been in an office setting on some high floor ( maybe the 14th ? ) of a skyscraper . I stood out in half - open , corridor - like area . The fluorescent like was bright , not drab . The floor and walls were an orange - tan kind of color . I may have stood in front of my boss , who seemed a lot taller than I . He may have been telling me something about how I 'd been fired . I may then have been down at some area like a dock over a river like the Hudson River . But the dock was all made out of really nice , grey flagstone , almost like a walkway in a nice park than a dock . I had my back to the water and was facing a grouping of skyscrapers just past the foot of the dock . I may have been talking to somebody , maybe a woman , about getting a new job . Either I 'd just been fired from my current job , or else I was really desperate to find a better job . Suddenly , just before the skyscrapers , rectangles of electric color began to pass upward through the air . It was like the rectangles of color were passing upward along some kind of clear , floating TV or computer screen . It was almost like I could see the outline of the transparent rectangle of the screen itself . Sometimes the rectangles passed upward in one single column . Other times they passed upward in three columns . The rectangles were generally colored a dull blue or a dull orange . There may sometimes have been dull red rectangles as well . Most of the time each rectangle had yellow lettering on it , listing a job position and possibly - - sometimes - - the qualifications for the job and the pay . The rectangles were listing all kinds of jobs . I kept looking for a bank job . I found a couple here and there . But they all seemed either to be filled or to have qualifications that I didn 't meet . After a little while it seemed like every bank job was filled . Then it seemed hard even to find bank job listings . When I thought I 'd found one , the rectangle looked all weird - - like its color was blocked by some kind of murky color . Apparently color had to do with the quality or availability of the job . But the murky color made it impossibly for me to tell anything about the job . All through this search I may have been talking with the woman , who may have been a kind of young , Hispanic woman , maybe a little bit overweight , with a mature , slightly impatient , but very calm attitude . I may now have been deciding to give up on my search . This may have made the woman even more impatient with me , although she may also not have been surprised about my giving up . I looked over the cardboard boxes . There were some men standing at the base of a skyscraper . The first couple of stories of the skyscraper were open to something like a loading dock or a parking garage . But the openings were partly blocked by cardboard boxes . The group of men standing before the skyscraper were all in business suits . One of their co - workers stood behind the stack of boxes , inside the open area . This man was young but tall , very thin , and very pale . He had a shaved head and face . But his head and face still looked scraggly . He wore a baggy , probably dirty , white t - shirt and some kind of scrubby - looking pants . The men in business suits were all going to lunch . I think they may have been trying to invite the other man . But , the men knew , the other man was kind of going insane . He was either going to be fired from his job or else he had been fired . But he was really obsessed with working , as if , because he wasn 't going to be working in just a little while , he wanted to get as much done now as he possibly could . But the men in business suits had gotten into some kind of argument with the man . They may only have done something like toss a few thinly - veiled insults at the man . But it had made the man really mad . The man had apparently already been planning to do something violent at the building . But the man was so angry that he decided to get violent now . The man pulled out something like a little canister . I could tell this was a bomb . I really didn 't want to hear a bomb explode . So I ducked and crouched behind my stacks of cardboard boxes . At some point I felt like the bomb must have gone off . I stood up . I think when I looked up over the boxes again , the bomb had just gone off . The explosion of the bomb only had the look and sound of a cylindrical container of biscuits popping open . But when it popped open , something like milk also popped out of it . The men in business suits were now walking away . I think they were just trying to avoid getting splashed by the milk . The milk flowed onto the ground , making a puddle maybe two meters long and a meter wide . I looked over to my left . There was a wide , open space , all made out of concrete or flagstone , as an extension of the promenade . Just beside the dock I was on was another dock . This dock may have been a bit lower than my dock . The docks were also connected , maybe as if by a ramp . I was here to meet a group of friends , maybe mostly female friends . But only one of the friends , a young , Hispanic woman , showed up . She went down and sat down on the lower dock . So I followed her to the dock . There was some understanding between us , as if we had been speaking , though we hadn 't . I knew the woman was wiser than I . I also knew that we were here because of something to do with singing . I wanted to be near the woman because I thought she knew exactly what was going on . The woman was sitting on something like a wide , but fragmented , board of thin wood . There may have been a clear grease stain on it somewhere . The woman may have been wearing something red . She may have been doing some kind of work with her hands , too , like sewing or knitting . Something made me feel like I was being too bothersome by being so close to the woman . I figured I needed to go walk off on my own and give the woman some space . So I walked back up to the dock I had first been on . At that dock there was another woman . She looked very much like the first woman . She may have told me that I needed to go do something like a karaoke contest or an American Idol contest . I was in some place like the Financial District of New York City . I seemed to be walking directly south , all the way to the bottom of the island . It was probably morning . The sky - - between the buildings - - was clear blue . There was a little bit of white sunlight here and there . But mostly the atmosphere was of blue - grey shade . The air was kind of cool . But the streets were really busy . And there seemed to be construction going on at every corner . Grey steam bellowed out from all the construction sites . I walked past one street corner where a group of construction workers stood talking . One of the workers , a short , slightly stout , Hispanic man wearing a dull green t - shirt and a construction hat , saw me coming . He took a couple of steps backward so that he could get into my way . He knew he was doing it , but he was acting like he didn 't know . I was kind of annoyed . But I moved out of the man 's way and crossed the street . Continuing south , I realized that I was going down to the island - - out to some promenade or dock - - something like , but not quite , the area around Battery Park City . I was going to meet my family there . There was some sort of festival that involved a singing contest like American Idol . I may not have been planning to take part in the contest myself . But I liked to watch . And my nephews may possibly have been planning on competing . In my mind 's eye ( or in actuality - - like I had " telescope eyes ? " ) I could see a woman standing out on a walkway on the edge of the river . She was tall and blonde , with really well - done - up hair . She wore a glamorous red dress that was tight around the body and puffed out really far on the left shoulder , while the right shoulder was strapless . The woman stood in some sexy pose and was singing a jazz song . The jazz song had a repeating line for the final line of each verse : " He loved her for the first time . " ( This kind of sounded like the " but I love him , yes I love him " line in " Is You Is Or Is You Ain 't My Baby . " ) I crossed another street ( or just approached the corner of the street I 'd just crossed ? ) . There was a set of small orange traffic cones , topped with something like orange and white striped , plastic poles , set in a quarter - circle around the traffic - light post . It formed a small " corridor " of sidewalk through which pedestrians were supposed to walk . Outside this corridor construction either was or would be going on . There were a group of really pretty girls in business clothes walking up to and into the corridor . One of them struck me as being particularly lovely . She had tan skin and brown hair . She wore a white , button - up shirt and a green and tan tweed skirt , very tight , going down just below her knees . She also wore black sunglasses . She had a really lovely , curvy body . The girl saw me as I was approaching the corridor . She maneuvered herself and her group of friends so that they were taking up all the small space between the traffic light pole and the knee - high traffic cone barrier . I had the feeling that the girl kind of wanted me to fight or edge my way into the corridor - - maybe so I 'd have to talk to her or she 'd have to talk to me . But I also felt like she just didn 't like me , so that she wanted to shove me out of the corridor altogether . Either way , I didn 't feel like worrying about the woman . I walked along the corridor , right on the outside of it . I was walking along some asphalt space , kind of like a paid parking lot . I could hear the pretty girls talking and laughing as I passed them . But I could also hear the woman down at the bottom of the island , still singing the song . . . " He loved her for the first time . " I stood before something like a giant cruise ship . The ship appeared to be a dark pink color . I must have been planning to get on the ship . I couldn 't see any other people . But someone around me , probably a woman , told me that someone else , probably a man , also liked wearing diapers . The woman said that this person had always seemed to dislike me and to be too preoccupied with me in a negative way whenever I was around . The woman said , it was really that the man was excited that I liked diapers , too , but that the man was too afraid to share his liking for diapers with anybody else . I probably asked the woman to tell me who the man was . But the woman told me no , that that would break her faith with the man . But I may have felt like the woman and I may have had some conversation at some point in time that was allowing me to piece together who the man was . Three aircraft seemed to have crashed , one after the other . The aircraft were something like rocket planes , like the X - 15 . The crafts may have had something like pipes sticking up and out of them . Each craft had a name . The name had some individual name and then some general name , so that all the crafts had the general name in their name . The first two aircraft had people 's names , possibly the names of celebrities , possibly the names of regular people . The third craft had some kind of special name , either the name of a very famous celebrity or the name of a very famous aircraft . An older woman and a younger woman were somewhere . The younger woman may have been preparing to head out somewhere . The older woman warned the younger woman about the possibility , in the area the younger woman was heading to , of airplane crashes . The older woman listed the names of aircraft she believed could crash . These were the same aircraft as in my first dream . The younger woman didn 't take the older woman 's advice totally seriously . She knew that where she was going there was a high risk of plane crashes . And she may have had the idea that the older woman was experienced enough with these things to know what she was talking about . But she mainly thought that the older woman 's advice was the result of being overly concerned for the younger woman . The younger woman seemed to think this was kind of cute . I may have had either a girlfriend or a girl who was interested in me , who lived in a big mansion with her family . It was night , and the girl , another person or some other people , and I all came up to the mansion . The girl wanted me to sleep here . But she knew her father wouldn 't approve of me . So her idea was that I should sleep on the porch of the mansion . I stood out on the porch while everybody else walked into the mansion . The porch of the mansion was huge , made of massive stone . The doors of the mansion were also big , made of black iron and glass . The girl checked with the cook of the mansion to see if anybody else was home at the moment . I could see the cook from the right side of the porch , apparently through a dark hallway that led into the incandescent - lit kitchen . The cook said nobody was home . But she also may have said that she still didn 't think it was a good idea for me to sleep at the mansion . I went to sleep on the mansion porch . I slept near the back , right corner of the porch . I think I was using some kind of blankets as a mattress , and a sleeping bag as a blanket . I now woke . The morning light was grey . A group of people ( in a number of cars , including a limousine and a van ? ) pulled up to the mansion . The girl 's father walked up the steps , closely followed by a retinue of people , possibly associates and bodyguards . The father was a black man who still looked kind of young . His hair was maybe about 5cm long . He wore a black suit with a white shirt and some kind of striped tie ( maybe green and yellow ? ) . He wore dark but mirror - like sunglasses . I jumped out of my bedding . I was trying to think of some excuse for why I was sleeping here . Thankfully , I was wearing a business suit - - brown slacks and jacket , not sure about the rest . I was still trying to think of what to say as I approached the father . The father said something like , " Well , why didn 't you come here with us ? Are you even ready to give the tour ? You 're cutting it close with time as it is . The group should be here any minute . They 'll be waiting in that room . " I looked over to the left wall of the porch . There were iron - barred glass doors leading into what looked like an opulent hotel lobby . The father had walked away . I walked over into the new room . There were three or four short steps leading down into the area . The area was much wider than it was deep . There were huge chandeliers with incandescent bulbs . The walls were mostly wood . The carpets were all very nice , with kind of Persian designs , in maybe a tan and blue color scheme . There were little circular seating areas throughout the room , nicely upholstered and padded . A couple of big desks dotted the room . And at the far end of the room was a big , wooden staircase . There were a lot of people bustling about in the room . But right as I walked down to the bottom of the steps I was confronted by a tightly packed group of well - dressed people . This was , I knew , the tour group the father had spoken about . The father had supposed I was the group 's guide . I knew this wasn 't the case . But I suspected the guide would be along soon enough . If I could just stall the group until the guide got here , perhaps I could make a seamless transition , so that nobody would report me to the father as having been either a terrible tour guide or a fraud . I was worried about my hairstyle . I could " see " my hairstyle . My dark brown hair was heavily gelled ( ! ) and swept into something halfway between a squarish professional cut and a trendy , spiky - mohawk - type cut . I also really needed to urinate . So I wanted to get into the bathroom before I really got focused on performing for this crowd . But the bathroom doors were right in front of me , along the wall to my left - - and the crowd were all standing in front of the doors . So I did a little bit of performing for the crowd . I didn 't even really know what they were here to tour for . So , trying to act like I knew what I was doing , I also threw out some questions and statements that I hoped would lead the crowd to tell me what they were here for . I still needed to urinate really bad . So I walked through the crowd , probably telling them that we 'd start in just a moment , but that I needed to go to the bathroom first . I may have been worried , though , that while I was in the bathroom , the real tour guide would come along . I wouldn 't be able to explain myself to him , and somebody might report me to the father . But I may also have mentioned something to the crowd about how the other tour guide , or even the real tour guide ? , might be coming along soon . The crowd seemed to clear some kind of space to the bathroom for me , or else , even though the crowd hadn 't cleared a space , I may have seen how I could have gotten to the bathroom . But the bathroom I now had a clear path to was the women 's , not the men 's . I could see , on the wood door , a shiny , brass plate in the standard shape of a man , on the door of the bathroom I needed to get into . But it seemed like I was going to have a hard time convincing anybody to let me in there . In the back of my mind I was feeling a story of a girl who was working through the boyfriend options she had on the internet . There were at least three boys the girl was interested in . The first and the third boy had the last name " Cartel . " These two boys each had three names . The third boy 's first name began with " Ph . " The first boy 's first name may have been William . I don 't remember anything about the second boy 's name . The girl liked the third boy , Ph . The other Cartel boy was a big troublemaker . But Ph was a really nice boy . And the girl really wanted to be with him . The girl 's father came driving down the road , in the direction opposite the one in which I was moving , as part of a big group of vehicles . A lot of the vehicles were dark and shiny , like limousines . But there may also have been some motorcycles and other vehicles . They all seemed to be driving so that they made something like a triangle formation . Somehow it was now like I was this Cartel boy that the girl liked . I felt like I myself should somehow confront the father and let him know about myself . I knew the daughter would also probably still talk to her father . And I knew that the father would listen to the daughter more than to me . I doubted , though , that the father would really listen to either of us . But I figured I might as well try , anyway . I was in some kind of restaurant with my brother . We had apparently been given permission to go sit down somewhere . So we were heading to that area . I think I may have headed down a small stairwell , heading to the table my brother and I had been assigned to . But I was stopped when I heard someone singing Japanese karaoke . I looked behind me . My brother wasn 't there . I went back up the stairs . In some place like a lobby or front cashier area , there was a person singing karaoke . The area had white tile floors , a few large game / vending machines , like the crane machine where you can win stuffed animals , and a big LED screen on the left ( my left ) wall . Beyond the game / vending machines I could see the front door to the restaurant . Through the glass doors I could see that it was night . At my edge of the white tiles was a male worker standing at a small cashier counter . The person singing the karaoke stood in the middle of the floor of white tiles . The man was my brother , even though I couldn 't get a good view of him . He was wearing a big , brown hoodie . The hoodie wasn 't pulled over my brother 's head . But my brother was wearing a baseball cap , pulled down so low over his face that I couldn 't see him . And I think he kept turning away from me , at maybe a 30 or 45 degree angle . I figured out somehow that this was a new kind of karaoke system . It was like a karaoke jukebox . There was some machine around here . There was a big crane machine just past the LED screen , and I assumed the machine was just beyond that LED screen . That machine was the karaoke jukebox . You put money into it , just like into any old jukebox , and you got to choose your song . Your song then appeared on the screen . The only thing weird about the system was something strange about the money . It was like some big drawer pulled out , like a wood drawer with a glass barrier over the inside of the drawer . The inside of the drawer was coated in something like shiny , metallic blue wrapping paper . Somehow you put your money into that thing and then slammed it back into the jukebox machine . I stood watching my brother . He was really good . My brother was singing some song I 'd never heard of before . It had a good melody , maybe a little sad . I 'd had no idea that my brother could do Japanese karaoke ! I wondered how widespread Japanese karaoke was among people today , how many young people could sing it . I hadn 't really thought of it before . Suddenly I didn 't feel very special for being able to do Japanese karaoke . I thought I 'd sing a song . But some other guy walked up to the screen . Just below or near the screen was another machine , which looked like a small , standalone jukebox . This machine was a regular jukebox that played regular , non - karaoke songs . The man was apparently going to put money into the machines and play some songs . The man hated karaoke . So he wanted to fill up the time with regular songs right away , so nobody could do karaoke . Somehow , though , the scene switched around a little bit . The man and the regular jukebox were gone , and now the karaoke jukebox was just right behind me . I tried to get a look at the person singing . The person was no longer my brother . But he was still singing well . But I could never get a view of the man 's face . I turned around to the jukebox . The top of the jukebox was all glass . Inside the glass case was something like a white tabletop , or maybe just a flat surface with white paper spread across it . On this surface lay a couple stacks of compact discs and some lone compact discs , none of them apparently connected to any mechanism . Up on the wall was a white sign with red lettering , something like a sign you 'd see at a swimming pool . It was instructions for how to order a song . You had to press two numbers , just to access a certain genre ( or disc ? ) . The first number was for some classification that wasn 't clear to me . The next was a genre . Using these instructions , I did the best to pick a Japanese song . I picked the genre " anime , " even though I wasn 't looking for an anime song . Now I went over to the keypad , which was just an outline of a keypad in something like red plastic , stuck to the glass case . It was like a decal , almost . There was no screen or anything to indicate which buttons you 'd pressed . I didn 't believe the thing would actually worked . I typed the numbers 5 and 4 . Nothing seemed to happen . There was a young , black man behind me . He mumbled to himself , " Oh , man . Another one of these guys . We 're gonna be here forever because this guy can 't figure out how to work the machine . " I became a little self - conscious at what the man had said . But I thought that he 'd be able to help me . So I turned around and asked him , " Well , maybe to speed things up , could you actually show me how to do it ? " I was in one environment ( can 't remember what ) with some man , possibly a tall , white business man . We then emerged into another environment . It was like we unzipped something like a suitcase zipper from around us and pushed upward out of one clear suitcase into another clear suitcase . This environment was like a big city . The atmosphere seemed to be yellow . Maybe the sky was yellow . I turned to the man and said , " Just because I 've spoken some words of this language in the past , don 't think I can speak the language . I really can 't . " I think I was hoping that the man might teach me the language . The man kind of laughed and told me , " Don 't worry about it . Most of the time while I 'm here I just have the robot speak the language for me . " But something about how the man said that might have indicated that , if I wanted to , I could learn the language from the robot . The girl on the left had long , brown hair that appeared to have been bleached and then dyed purple on top . Her hair was brushed straight down , except with a sweep of bangs flowing down over her forehead . She wore a white vest with horizontal tiger stripe patterns and white slacks with either horizontal or vertical stripes . The girl on the right wore some kind of form - fitting , lame / spandex outfit with a color halfway between copper and brown . The top of the outfit was like a tight blouse and a fluttery mini - skirt connected together . The bottom of the outfit was leggings . A split - screen view of a man and a woman . The woman sat on the left side of the screen , the man on the right . The woman 's side took up about one - third of the view . The man 's side took up two - thirds . The two were in different rooms , although the rooms looked alike . The two were facing each other , as if they were talking to each other face to face . But they were talking by phone . The woman had her hair in a 1960s - like , rounded , short hairstyle . She wore round , white - plastic rimmed sunglasses . She probably wore a black and white mini - dress . The man started to ask the woman a question that he knew would be difficult for the woman . The woman , anticipating the question , suddenly just said , " No . No . " She hung up the phone right away . I was on some form of public transportation , maybe a bus , but probably more like a train or a subway . We were moving along above ground . The sky outside may have been deep blue - grey , as if it were late afternoon or early morning and cloudy . I sat in seats that edged their sides against the window . In front of me was a row of seats that edged their backs against the window . There may actually have been another row of seats in front of that first row . I was looking at my phone . A man now sat in the seats in front of me . He was skinny , with dark skin and dark , wavy hair done up in a square cut . He wore a button - up shirt and nice slacks . He smiled at me and said something like , " You looking at porn ? " I was kind of shocked . I wasn 't looking at porn . But I knew I could have been at some other time . In conjunction with my shock , we may have passed over some big bump . I dropped my phone . It scuttered under the row of seats the man was sitting in . The man didn 't seem to notice that I had dropped my phone . I didn 't want to act like I 'd dropped my phone . I thought if I acted worried , the guy would definitely think I had been looking at porn , and he 'd definitely want to look at my phone . I didn 't want to ask the guy for help in getting my phone . I was trying to figure out the best way for getting my phone . I couldn 't reach for it from where I sat . It had fallen all the way to the other end of the row . So I had to get up and get it . I stood up and went for it . I knelt in front of the row of seats . It was a little harder than I 'd thought it would be to get to it . The row of seats in front of this row was so close that it was like I had to crawl under this row just to get to the back row . Instead of the man sitting there , there may now have been a Hispanic woman , maybe with one or two little kids . I noticed that down here the seats were all dusty , too . I could see my phone ( except now it may just have been a dime ) at the very end of a corner formed by the row of seats and the wall . I crawled back and reached for the phone , rubbing myself up against all the dust of the seats so that I could squeeze my arm in to where the dime was . I pulled the dime out and looked at it . I may have been sitting straight up , still under the seats , though before I 'd had to do a pretty short crawl to get here . Now that I 'd actually retrieved my dime , I no longer thought it had been worth all the trouble I 'd gone through . I was at my office . I was looking down into the bottom drawer of a filing cabinet . The drawer was all full of clutter . I may have been panicked , trying to figure out how to take care of all this clutter . I may have heard my boss ' voice from behind me , talking to our office manager , BL . My boss told BL , " You 'll see . We can do without him . Anybody can do his job , really . " I was in some place like a break room . It seemed to be at the back of a big grocery store . The break room was kind of narrow . A big , circular table with a fake wood top took up most of the room . I sat at the table . The lights in the room were all off . The only light was the fluorescent light from the store , which came in through the open door of the break room . My boss walked in . He said something like , " You 're still here ? We got rid of you , didn 't we ? We have your replacement and everything . " I may have tried to explain something about my being here , like there were one or two things that still needed to be taken care of . But my boss said something to ridicule everything I said . He said everything in a really pissy yet nonchalant tone that made it clear he was trying to insult me as much as he could in the most tactful way possible , so that he could prove how little he felt he needed me without actually getting himself in trouble for insulting me . I was so angry that I shouted something back at him . It was pretty violent , but I can 't remember what it was . My boss didn 't take what I 'd said seriously at all . So I began to laugh . I told him if he didn 't think I was serious , he could just wait and see . I began to laugh louder and louder . I laughed so loud that I " woke myself up " - - somewhere . I was walking around in the grocery store , I believe . I could hear two women talking to me from somewhere , maybe from inside my head . I could tell that the two women were Hispanic . Maybe they 'd been attractive before . But now they were kind of worn - out and dumpy - looking . The two women were telling me that when I 'd been laughing in my sleep , I 'd been laughing so hard that I 'd woken them up . They said my laugh had been an evil laugh , and that it made them afraid for my boss . I don 't know how they knew I was laughing about my boss . I myself was really surprised I could have given such an evil laugh . When the women told me that my laugh was evil , I began to worry about myself . Was I okay ? Did I need psychological help ? I was now walking along the back wall of the grocery store . There was a door along the back wall . I knew that behind that door was my boss ' bedroom . He was asleep in that room . It may have been like a dorm room . My boss may actually have been sharing that room with the guy my boss had hired in my place . My boss and the guy may both have been asleep . I knew my boss had fallen asleep because he thought there was nothing to worry about from me . I was going to show him . I had a plastic bottle in my hands . Actually , the bottle in my hands kept changing . First it was a small , 600ml plastic bottle . Then it was a big plastic juice bottle , maybe around two liters . There may also have been times when I held more than one bottle in my hands . The bottles may usually have been full of orange juice . I don 't think any of them were ever completely full . I planned to sneak into my boss ' bedroom while he was asleep and pound him on the head with these bottles until his skull was smashed and he died . But as I was walking up to the door of the room , two tall , very muscular , bronze - skinned men walked up from behind me . The men wore tight , dark grey or black t - shirts and maybe dull green or grey pants , also kind of tight , maybe made of denim . They had short , wavy brown hair , and square , but kind of babyish , faces . I had a bad feeling that these guys were trying to break into my boss ' bedroom . They seemed to want to steal some of the stuff in the bedroom . Apparently the bedroom was also like a storehouse for some of the most valuable stuff in the store . I didn 't want the store to get stolen from , so I began watching the guys very closely . I decided not to go into the room . The room had a sliding door with a small , inward notch of a handle , painted the same pale - tan as the rest of the door . I didn 't want the two men to see how easy it was to get into the room . They 'd only be more encouraged to go in . So either I got friendly with the guys or the guys got friendly with me . We began talking , walking past the room , all of us acting like the room was of no importance to us at all . We turned right and headed down an aisle with rather large shelves , more like shelves in a huge discount warehouse than in a normal grocery store . We were talking about something that I seemed to be engaged in with a kind of childlike enthusiasm . I got the feeling , as we continued walking , that the guys had decided they were going to protect me . But I didn 't know if that was just an act . So I kept all my conversation away from anything having to do with my boss or the bedroom door . I was in some restaurant . I probably worked there . The restaurant had a long , narrow eating area and a small kitchen , most of which was visible from behind a counter . The restaurant was closed at the moment . But we were apparently preparing , so we could open up for some big party later in the day . The party may have been planned to be a multiple - day party . It may also have been the case that we had just closed down for the day , but that we now had to prepare all of our food for the next day . Most of the workers seemed to be hanging around in the eating area , toward the back , at a couple of tables . It seemed like they , in general , really didn 't have anything to do with the cooking , or maybe even the serving of the food . It seemed like they were all some kind of bosses , more concerned with the administrative aspects of the restaurant . There were one or two cooks behind the counter . I 'm not sure exactly what my job was . But somehow , I was keeping track of the amount of food made . I was also somehow involved in determining how much food needed to be made . At some point I had concluded that we didn 't need to make a whole lot . We probably hadn 't had much business the day before , and it looked like things weren 't going to be any more active the next day . Plus , with the kind of food we made ( some kind of fish ? ) , it was much better to cook too little and have the food be fresh and good , than to cook too much and have food go bad . But now I heard from the front door that the next day of the party was going to be really busy . There would probably be a lot of people here . And , in fact , a large group of people might even have made a reservation specifically for this restaurant . I was excited . I ran back to the cooks and told them that we now needed to cook a lot of food . We were going to have a full house . Suddenly the cooks had all kinds of big fillets of fish , all being fried and laid out on pans everywhere . There were all kinds of pans of greasy , still - bubbling , fried fish - - everywhere . I walked away from the cooks ' counter and back toward the back of the store , where the other guys sat . I suddenly had a bad feeling that I 'd told the cooks to make way too much food . The place would probably not be busy enough to serve all that food . If it were busier than the other days , we 'd be kind of okay . But we 'd still have too much food . But if it were only as busy as the other days , we 'd have a whole lot of food and waste on our hands . We 'd have wasted a lot of money . It was probably a fresh , crisp morning . I was out walking around some place like a small town or a college town or campus , leading a small group of new students in some kind of orientation program . Everybody seemed cheerful and relaxed , even though I think we had gotten to some place where I really didn 't know where I was going . We were walking along some grey flagstone path in between some large lawns , at the end of which were large , stately buildings . A group of guys came walking our way from the other direction . They were all a lot taller and stronger than I . One of the guys , a black man with a shaved head , asked if we knew where we were going . I probably walked up to the guy and mumble - whispered something like , " I don 't know where we 're going . Do you think you could show us the way - - but without letting on that I don 't know what I 'm doing ? " We stood before a black iron gate ( on my right side ) that was hinged on either side with a maybe 2 meter tall stone post . The gate was already partly open . The man opened the gate the rest of the way for us . We all cheerfully walked in . After the gate was a flagstone path that led directly up to one of the big , stately buildings . The man pointed out a stack of textbooks on the right side of the flagstone path . The top book may have had a yellow cover . The book may have been a mathematics textbook . The man said , " I think somebody left their textbooks on the path . " I knew that this was the way the man was justifying having given me directions for where to go . If he opened the gate and pointed out the books , it would just look like he was pointing out the books , not pointing out the direction I was supposed to take . It was morning . I was out with some young , black man on a road , probably in a neighborhood full of fenced parking lots and warehouses . It may have been like I was going to work . It may have been a hot , kind of smoggy morning . The sky was a sour yellow , with the sun just coming up over the horizon . The boy suddenly had an idea that to get to work quicker we could " hitch a ride . " But this hitching a ride didn 't necessarily mean getting permission to ride with somebody and getting into their car . The boy told me , " Come on ! " He ran up to some van that may have been full of young people , like college students or recent college graduates in something like an intern program . The boy seemed just to jump onto the back or the side of the van and hold on as the van drove away . I knew that the boy was doing this less because he was in a hurry to get to work and more because he simply didn 't feel like walking the rest of the way to work . But I was in a hurry to get to work , and , even though I didn 't like the boy 's idea , I thought it seemed smart enough that I 'd better do it . So I jumped onto a van , possibly not the same van as the boy had jumped onto . But as I was jumping onto the van I noticed that at one intersection , at which we had just turned left , there was so much traffic that everything had come to a standstill . I was now somehow inside the van . All the young people seemed to make me feel welcome . There may have been a pretty , little , skinny white girl with big , blue - green eyes and her brown hair back in a loose ponytail . At some point I may have decided that it would be easier just to get out and walk . But suddenly an accident occurred . We 'd been moving forward , when we 'd hit my friend who 'd jumped on the other van . Apparently he 'd gotten off the van - - maybe he 'd been thrown off of it . But we 'd actually driven right over him . It was obvious that he was dead - - crushed . But I didn 't want to believe it . I think I 'd gotten out of the van I was in , as if that would reverse my friend 's death . I was walking to work . But then at some point I was driving in a car - - a yellow taxi - cab , actually - - with my mom . My mom was driving . I sat in the front passenger seat . We turned right and drove through an open gate . We were heading along a wide road through a wide lawn . Up ahead was a big , stately building , like a college building . But I looked up ahead and to my left and saw that there were people out here training to be astronauts . Some people may even have been wearing full astronaut outfits for spacewalks . Suddenly , from nearby , on the left side of the road , there were two people : a boy and a girl . I 'm not sure what happened to the boy . He may simply have run off into the field . But the girl ran directly in front of our car . My mom had to step on the breaks really quickly . Even then we barely missed hitting the girl . The girl was a beautiful , tall , skinny , black girl with long , loosely curly , black hair . She wore a schoolgirl 's outfit , with a tartan skirt and overall - blouse and a white button - up shirt . But she was a college student , or at least preparing to become a college student . The girl looked terribly panicked . She gave me and my mom a look , like she knew she 'd forced us to stop , but that she 'd had to do it . She quickly ran around to the back passenger side of the car and got in . My mom had the understanding that we needed to just keep driving and get the girl to the same place as we were going . The girl said , in an ominous tone , " I really feel sorry for you guys . " I could tell that the girl knew something bad that was possibly going to happen to me and my mom . It probably had something to do with the young man who got hit by the van . But it was also connected to the girl in some way , like whatever the girl was trying to escape was whatever was coming after me and my mom , too . I asked the girl , " What do you mean , you feel sorry for us ? " I looked in the rearview mirror at the girl . I could tell the girl was too distressed to talk . I asked , " Do you just not want to tell me right now ? " The girl pursed her lips in fear and shook her head . She may have been clutching a teddy bear tightly in her arms . I was in some place like a Starbucks . But it was much larger than a normal Starbucks . The cashier 's counter was also set at some strange angle to the rest of the store . The area around the counter was set up in a cluttered kind of way , too , with the glass display cases set at odd angles to the counter . And , behind a door behind the counter was , apparently , a really big food prep area , like this place was actually a restaurant rather than a cafe or a Starbucks . I had ordered and had been sitting down . But now I 'd stood up and come back to the counter . I may have been planning to leave . But the man behind the counter , a tall , kind of muscular black man with a bit of a feminine attitude , had either given me or sold me some extra items , so that now I felt like I should stay at the cafe to finish my items . This probably wasn 't so bad , as I probably had stuff I wanted to read or write . But now the man offered me even more food . This time it was some kind of cupcakes with a thick layer of pale brown chocolate frosting . The cupcakes looked really good . But I knew I probably shouldn 't have them . But the man told me to take one . I told the man that I really couldn 't take anything else . I 'd probably had enough with the first stuff I 'd gotten . With the second batch of stuff the guy had given me , I probably had too much . The cupcakes would make it way too much . I was about to walk away . But now the man brought out a huge tray of some kind of sweet breads that were coated in some kind of sweet syrup . The man told me something like , " Now , you really can 't resist these . " I was actually going to try and resist them . But the man actually told me something weird , like , if I didn 't take one of these little cakes with me , he was going to tell everybody some dirty , little secret of mine . So I decided to take one of the cakes . They actually did look really , really good . And now I was even tempted to take one of the cupcakes with the chocolate frosting , too . I really did want to know how that frosting tasted .
|
No one in school knew why Miss Patel was so mean . Many thought it was because she was the youngest teacher and felt the need to prove herself to her colleagues . All the students wanted her fired , but none ever came up with a plan . None , that is , until Henry . Henry was , quite frankly , a genius . He always aced everything , but Miss Patel threatened to give him his first B . This wasn 't acceptable . He hadn 't tested out his latest odd invention yet , but figured Miss Patel would be the perfect test subject . Right at the end of class , he aimed it at her and shot . Miss Patel would 've yelled about the distraction in her class , if she was still in control . But Henry 's invention allowed him to possess his teacher as his own body felt limp at his desk . There was a feeling of power he now had , and his original plan had been to ask to see his nerdy friend Kevin after class , he decided instead to ask a popular , unsuspecting student , Luke . As the other kids filtered out , Henry began to put the moves on Luke , thinking the indiscretion would get her fired . He hadn 't counted on Luke being into it , and soon the two started making out . As things got really out of hand and Henry found himself straddling Miss Patel 's desk , he wished he had asked Kevin as planned instead . He just got so carried away . Then as Luke began to caress his body , he realized why Miss Patel acted the way she does , she simply liked the power . As Rick was working out at the gym , his eyes kept focusing on a woman running on a treadmill . He watched her ass in tight leather shorts and was practically hypnotized by the way it moved . After staring for a good twenty minutes , a bright light engulfed everything and he lost his footing . He soon found himself falling on his ass , but it felt strange . It was like he was more cushioned . He started to lift himself up an the strange feelings continued . There was a weird brushing on his shoulders , which he soon discovered was long hair . There were dangling earrings and large breasts hanging from his chest . And then there was the ass . Then he realized , he was now the woman he had be staring at . They had swapped bodies ; everyone in the gym had swapped bodies . In fact , everyone in the world had . It was the Great Shift , and his stare had a consequence . He would probably now be the one stared at by many men who would want to get into these tight leather shorts . " I know you 're watching , Maria , " Tony said into the security camera , " When you swapped bodies with me , you thought I wouldn 't have the guts to get your body dressed and head out into the world . You thought you could control me . Well , I 'm not afraid to be you , or to be seen in public as you . In fact , I 'm actually enjoying my time as you . Once I leave here , you 'll never see me again . I 'm taking your body . You wanted my body . Fine . But that means you lose all this ! " Devin was wondering how he had gotten himself in this situation . He thought he had kept his body swapping secret , but a man knocked on his door one day inquiring about it . The man laughed , explaining he was rich and money could buy anything ( even finding out secrets ) . He made an offer . He wanted Devin to use his machine to swap bodies with his daughter for a day . She was out of control , and he wanted a full report of her activities . Devin didn 't want to do it , but he could really use the cash . He brought the device to the man 's mansion , and aimed it at the daughter . The next thing Devin knew , he had swapped bodies with the twenty - something Asian woman and was about to head out on her date . The woman 's boyfriend was aggressive ; he often moved before Devin even had a chance to say no . All he wanted to do was get through the night , report back to the man , and collect his money . Then he could continue working on his inventions in peace . Several hours later , and the woman in the cabbie 's body still hadn 't returned . Nathan was getting tired and bored . He was starting to think that leaving the taxi might just be the best option . Sure , it was possible that someone might steal it , but then if they used it to pick up a passenger , the cycle would end up just starting over again with that person , wouldn 't it ? He hoped so , he didn 't want to just sit here anymore . It had been about an hour since the swap , and Nathan was still waiting by the magic taxi . He couldn 't wait to go off on his own somewhere to enjoy his new body . He smiled as he thought about it , but he still couldn 't leave the taxi . He figured it would be very dangerous to just leave it there . The keys were still inside . Maybe he should take it , but then would he feel compelled to pick up more passengers ? Could he potentially lose this body ? He could wait just a little longer , right ? Just a little longer . . . Nathan was trying to figure out what was going on here . This wasn 't how the magic taxi was supposed to work ; he had read the journal . He was supposed to say " Have a nice day , " swap bodies with the passenger leaving , and then the passenger ( now in the cabbie 's body ) is supposed to drive off to continue the cycle . However , instead of driving off , the woman he swapped with got out of the cab and ran away with the cabbie 's body . Nathan had no idea what to do . He couldn 't just leave the magic taxi here for someone to steal . The magic should force her to come back , shouldn 't it ? She had to continue the cycle , didn 't she ? When the spa told Francis that the goopy , brown liquid had rejuvenating properties , he was skeptical . They told him going in would make him feel like a brand new person . Of course , once he was in the small pool , he knew they certainly weren 't lying ; however , he now had an entire new set of concerns . He was , in fact , a brand new person . He was not only a few decades younger , he was now a woman . . . and an Asian . At the same time , he didn 't have an identity anymore , did he ? What would he do ? The spa tried to address his concerns ; they told him they 'd take care of everything . He sure hoped so ! Throughout the entire wedding , Sean stood next to Brianna . From Ashley 's body , he watched her marry Ashley , who was now in his body . He kept asking himself if he made the right choice by switching bodies with Ashley . It wasn 't until he returned to the city that he began to smile , realizing he made a fantastic decision . After all , he was single again . He could hook up with anyone he wanted to ; he could go hang out in bars and pick people up . Of course , this time , now that he is a woman , he probably wouldn 't even have to pay for a single drink . He could probably get movies and meals paid for too . And one day , maybe he 'd be the bride , walking down the aisle at a wedding of his own . . . and hopeful he wouldn 't get cold feet next time . It was supposed to the perfect wedding , out in a remote field far from the City . However , with only about an hour left , Sean was getting cold feet . That was when Brianna 's maid of honor , Ashley , came up to him . Ashley made a strange confession and an even stranger offer . She could tell Sean had cold feet ; she also told him about her secret crush on Brianna . Of course , it would be impossible to turn her into a lesbian , but she did have a magic spell that could swap two people 's bodies . Ashley offered to swap with Sean . She 'd be married to her crush , and Sean would be free to be single again . Of course , it meant Sean would be a woman ; she wasn 't sure if he 'd be cool with that . He thought about it ; it really was a tempting offer . He agreed . A few magic words later , and he looked down to see that Ashley 's body was now his . Sean was already wondering if he agreed to the swap too quickly . Perhaps he overreacted to his cold feet , but there was no going back now , was there ? So much back and forth in his head about this wedding , but he decided to switch into Ashley 's body in a mere few seconds ? After the Great Shift , Martin never thought he 'd get used to being a woman . Yet a mere week later , and he found himself in a department store gawking over dresses . In fact , he was even feeling downright giddy inside . Is this just something women felt about clothes shopping ? He wondered , but he didn 't really care . He was sure he was going to buy out half of this store . . . or as much of it as he could afford ! Maybe this body was a shopaholic or something , and that trait had been passed on to him now that he had this body . ' This has to be the best week of my life , ' Jim thought , ' I always thought I was a man trapped in a woman 's body , but I never expected to do anything about it . Then I was on that airplane and saw this couple on their honeymoon . I envied the woman more than I could 've ever imagined , and somehow after we landed and started to exit , I swapped bodies with her . I didn 't tell this man who I really was ; I was just . . . happy . I 've loved every minute of this so far . I hope I never swap back to my own body . I suppose I figure out what this man 's name is ; he is my husband after all . Of course , I never met him before we swapped , but does that matter ? This just feels so right . ' Jim then jumped into the man 's arms and gave him a kiss . The man didn 't suspect that the beautiful woman he held was not actually his wife . Sure , she was acting differently than usual , but he had simply assumed her new carefree , happy attitude was the bliss of being married . " Maybe we should get jobs in Hollywood , " Troy laughed , " I can 't believe that we actually convinced our wives that we were upset to be stuck in their bodies ! " " Oh , come on , that 's not the half of it , " Ryan retorted , " We tricked them into thinking this whole body swap was their idea ! They thought they were punishing us ! " While Troy and Ryan continued to laugh , thinking they had gotten what they wanted from their wives , the truth was far different . After their wives had cast the spell to swap bodies with their husbands , they realized it couldn 't be reversed . They tried a second spell , one that made the two husbands happy and quite delusional about the swap . Of course , when Troy and Ryan continued to pretend to be upset , the wives thought the second spell had failed . After the experiment , James woke up more than a little disoriented . He knew who he really was , or who he was supposed to really be . After all , he still had all his own memories . But he also had all the memories of Rachel , the woman whose body he was now in . He remembered her first kiss , her marriage and divorce , and even going to bed last night as her . That meant his own memories felt a little bit like a forty year long dream , pushed to the side of the thoughts , being overwhelmed by the evidence of looking down and seeing Rachel 's body , that told his mind those were the correct memories . He had the continue to tell himself that he was really James , that all those thoughts had happened . After all , he had a mission to accomplish . Tim had hoped the latest text from Zoe would be good news . It wasn 't . She still hadn 't figured out a way to switch their bodies back . He was hoping they 'd find a way back soon . He had a good time at first , but when he woke up the first morning in her body , she was a little shocked by how messy his hair was . Usually Amber had very straight hair , but it seemed naturally it was a big , curly mess . He couldn 't seem to do much to tame in , and he wondered what she did every morning to get it under control . In fact , many of the daily routine activities of being a woman just seemed to take so long that he suddenly couldn 't wait to get back to his own body . However , until Zoe could fix this , he was stuck . " Wait , wait , wait , don 't go , Kelly . Let me explain . I know I look like some strange woman , but it 's actually me , your husband , Ted . I didn 't want to freak out the kids at home , but I knew you 'd be here tonight . I knew you wouldn 't miss this . I swapped with this woman a week ago . I don 't know how . I passed a few days just thinking it was a dream or that I 'd wake up the next day in my own body . I need you to believe me , Kelly . " An exasperated Ted explained . " Are you crazy ? Body swapping ? You expect me to believe that you are my husband ? Wouldn 't he have told me ? Or rather , if there is a woman inside his body ? I 've certainly heard zero the past week . In fact , he 's been a saint , picking up the girls at soccer practice , taking me out to dinner twice . . . " Kelly paused thinking about this . Her husband was never so selfless . Maybe this woman was right , maybe she had swapped bodies with her husband . Then again , the woman now in her husband 's body seemed like the perfect man , better than her husband ever was . Did she even want them to entertain the idea of helping them swap back ? When Heather arrived on Exchange Island with her husband Thomas , she could tell he wasn 't happy with the body he ended up with . The entire first night , he didn 't say a word about the fact that he was a woman ; he just had a grumpy look on his face . He woke up the next morning with a groan , telling Heather that he 'd get ready and meet her outside . She sighed . It didn 't take her long to shower and change , leaving her husband as a gloomy lump under the sheets in the room . It was about an hour later when Thomas finally arrived to meet up with Heather at the resort 's open air restaurant . She was surprised . She had expected him to come down wearing jeans or sweatpants , but instead , he wore a beautiful white dress with heels and makeup . He walked gracefully over to his wife , gave her a kiss , and sat down . Now it was her turn to be speechless . Thomas apologized for his behavior up until this point . He just needed some time to get used to this new body . From this point on , he was going to embrace it . He was finally starting to enjoy himself . In fact , he confessed he might actually be a little sad when the vacation was over and he 'd have to switch back . Heather wasn 't sure what suddenly changed his mind , but she was glad he was happy ! Sure enough , the mission was a breeze thanks to the device and this body , but after it was over , all James wanted to do was change back to himself . However , as he looked through the device , the photo he was supposed to use to change back to himself was gone . In fact , all the photos on the device were wiped . For the time being , it looked like he was stuck like this . At least until he was able to return to HQ . Of course , proving who he really was and getting through security was going to be a big challenge . Then there was the matter of the device itself . If it had malfunctioned by wiping the photos , who knows what might happen when they try to use it again . Technology had certainly changed the spy game in the past ten years . James was looking at the device he had just gotten that would allow him to go undercover quite effortlessly . He simply called up one of the photos on the device , and it soon transformed his body within seconds into the person pictured on the device . He knew a young Asian woman would be the perfect cover for this assignment , but he felt a little weird . The device wasn 't some sort of hologram , it didn 't just change your visual appearance , it altered you very form , your DNA . That meant all of the hours that James had spent at the gym didn 't mean much on this mission . He had his spy skills , but not the muscles to back them up . Of course , with a disguise this good , he was sure he wouldn 't need them . " Go ahead and tell him , " Jeff said as he looked up and fluttered his eyes , " See if he believes you . I doubt it . When he looks at me , he 'll see his loving bride . When he looks at you , he 'll see the weird uncle that his mom forced him to invite to the wedding . I didn 't intend to switch bodies with you , Sarah ; I was actually aiming for one of your bridesmaids . I missed and ended up hitting you instead . There 's no way to undo this , so I suggest you get used to it . I know I am going to love living your life as a young newlywed , happily in love . I hope you can someday learn to enjoy being me . I know it will be tough . Heck , that 's why I researched body swap magic on the web for so long . That 's why I was able to do this . We 're each other now . You 're just going to have to deal with that . " Jane jolted up shocked . She looked down at herself to see her breasts seem to have shrunk to almost nothing . Another woman was standing above her . The woman seemed to emphasize her chest . Jane recognized those breasts ; they looked like hers , but that seemed impossible . . . . until the woman spoke . " I bet you miss these already , " The woman said , " You actually got off pretty lucky that I only stole your breasts . I have the ability to switch parts of my body with anyone I wish , you see . I 'm not even Asian ; I simply stole the facial features from a woman who I found quite attractive . I 'm not even a woman , well , not originally ; I took the required parts for that gender from another young woman . I suppose she is technically a man now . So , as you see , you should be glad that I ONLY took your breasts . I could 've taken a lot more , or left you in a lot worse condition . In fact , I rarely even extend the courtesy of telling my victims . So just think about that ; consider yourself lucky . " A single radish and a piece of bok choy , it didn 't seem like very much food . Danielle had given Nick strict orders about what he could eat for each meal as long as they were stuck in each other 's bodies . This was lunch . He knew he 'd be hungry soon after , but he smiled as he told himself it would all be over soon . In a few days , they 'd return to the lab that did this , and they 'd swap back . He didn 't think switching bodies would change much , but living the live of someone else actually proved to be quite challenging . Danielle 's daily routine was just so much different from his . It ha been part of the experiment ; he had to spend his time as she would . That meant getting up early to go workout , eating the meals she would eat , and even doing her job . Another smile came across his face ; she probably had a harder time with his job than he did with hers . Doing Danielle 's job felt almost like a vacation to him ; if only he was able to chow down on just a little more food ! Jason turned to look at Jessica one last time before getting into his sportscar . " Don 't looked so surprised , " He told her , " When I offered you a million dollars to swap bodies with me , you had to expect this . You had to know how hot your body was , you just never showed it off like I am doing . . . like I plan on continuing to do . You have a fortune now , and my old body isn 't all that bad . I was a pretty attractive young man . Now that body is yours . I hope seeing your former body teaches you a lesson : Don 't waste your looks . Though I doubt you 'll learn . " Jason sighed . Jessica was just looking at him with her mouth wide open . She couldn 't speak . At first she just stared at her former ass in the tight leather pants Jason wore . She continued to just stare as he drove away . She realized her body was gone . She 'd never see it again , but she had a million dollars . Was it worth it ? " I guess , " Malcolm replied , " I guess it could 've been worse for me , but I would 've preferred if I stayed a man . At least if I am a woman , I 'm a hot one . I do miss making love the way we used to . . . " It really was a fantastic body . Charlie felt a little bad keeping the fact that he was swapped into it a secret , but he still thought the risk was too great to tell the truth . This was his body now ; he loved how it felt . He loved how he felt . His confidence was higher than it had ever been . He finally felt good about himself for a change . All it took was to be an entirely different person . He thought about that for a minute . What a strange thing he would never have asked for or even thought about it , but how happy he was that it had happened to him . He was sure other affected by the Shift were much less pleased . Probably many of them were trying to get their bodies back , and people like him keeping secrets wasn 't helping them . He didn 't care . At this point , Charlie didn 't know that the fact that he had swapped bodies was widespread across the whole globe , but he was already contemplating his options . He didn 't want to tell anyone about the swap . He wasn 't sure if anyone would believe him if he did . Besides , if there was a way to swap bodies , there would also be a way to swap back . From his position , he really got a great deal out of this swap and had no interest in giving up this body . His strategy didn 't change much after he learned of the extent of the Great Shift . He decided to pretend like he was one of the people that didn 't swap . Of course , that meant he 'd have to learn a lot about the person who he now was in a covert manner . He thought this was a good plan . While there wasn 't any way for people to swap back yet , he was always fearful that someone would discover one and force him back to his old body . It took Charlie only an instant after the Great Shift for him to realize what happened . The first thing he did was reach his hands around his back to feel his bottom . It was so firm and the material it was encased in was so smooth . He thought about his old behind . He had been an overweight man in bad shape . He could tell already that this body was in fine form . Sure , he was a woman now , but he could deal with that , couldn 't he ? It didn 't seem quite so bad , considering the trade - off about how great this body was . He hadn 't even looked in a mirror to be sure , he just knew how he felt . And he felt better about himself already . He didn 't have trouble breathing like he did in his old body ; walking didn 't seem like a chore in this body either . He felt great now , and he never wanted that feeling to end . Luke had always considered himself a pretty shrewd businessman . If there was a way to make a profit , he was sure to find it . Body swapping technology proved to be a new way for him to increase his profits . A young woman visiting from a foreign country offered him a great sum to switch bodies with him . She didn 't want to be deported and swapping was a valid solution , as court rulings made it difficult to swap the original body of a citizen or a citizen swapped into a foreigner 's body . Luke did the math . She was sure offering him a lot of money . Plus , she was probably twenty years younger than he was . That would give him a longer lifespan to profit even more . He made sure his financial affairs were in order before the swap . Soon enough , he found himself in her body . He changed from her clothes into a skirt suit he had brought with him and smiled at her . He hoped she knew what she was getting herself into . She smiled back , thinking the exact same thing about his decision . . . Wendy had dragged her boyfriend Brian to the ballet . He hated it . He was so bored that he decided it was best he just ditch her during the intermission . He knew she 'd give him hell later that night , but he just couldn 't take it anymore . It wasn 't until he got to the train station and sat down that he noticed something odd . He reached down to tie his shoe laces and noticed something strange about them . They weren 't his usual shoes ; they were dainty white slippers that laced in the back . And why was he wearing tights ? His eyes followed his legs up his body with horror . It wasn 't just that he was wearing a ballerina 's outfit , he had swapped bodies with one of the ballerinas ! He began to think about how it happened . He could only think of one time . As he was making his way out , he had bumped into one . She was sneaking a cigarette at the time . They had both been trying to sneak , but could it be possible that they swapped bodies ? The outfit seemed right , but he needed a mirror to be sure . How was he ever going to explain this to his girlfriend now ? The afternoon had started with Victor on the phone with a friend , making a flippant comment about how hot Asian women were . He hadn 't expected his girlfriend overhearing the conversation , nor could he anticipate her retaliation . Using her powers as a witch , she swapped Victor 's body with their upstairs neighbor , Ming . He tried to remain calm ; he figured he 'd just go downstairs and calm his girlfriend own . However , he couldn 't seem to do that . Instead , he found himself going to Ming 's closet and changing into a black and white top and some tight leather shorts . He couldn 't seem to stop himself . He realized his girlfriend hadn 't just swapped his body with Ming ; she was also controlling his mind . He had limited control , but he knew he was going to have to do the things she forced him to - - even if it was something he didn 't want to do , like wear this outfit . She was also preventing him from doing things as well , like going down to apologize . It wasn 't long before Victor felt compelled to go to a nightclub . Despite trying to fight the urge , he found himself twerking on the dance floor . When guys started coming up to him , he wanted to run . However , instead of doing so , he felt the urge to get closer , be sexier , and flirt . He wanted to cry ; he just hoped his girlfriend would release the grip on his mind before his did anything he would REALLY regret . Peter wondered how long he had been stuck in that bottle ? A week ? A year ? A decade ? He wasn 't sure , but it seemed like forever . He had discovered it on the beach and found himself sucked inside . He was aware he was stuck , but he couldn 't really move . It was like being stuck in that moment between being awake and being asleep . Still , as he sat stuck in the bottle , some knowledge filled his head . There had been a person trapped in here before him . That person now had his body ; freed when Peter had found the bottle . Peter would now be stuck until someone else stumbled upon the bottle . The person before him wasn 't the first ; this bottle had existed for centuries . The only thing he could do to pass the time was think about all this until one day a full range of sensations bounced back to him . He could feel the warm sun beating down on his skin . He smiled as he looked down to see the bottle . He didn 't even care about the body he had now ; he was just glad to be free . Of course , once he take notice of his new body , he realized it was going to be a lot to get used to . He had apparently swapped into the body of a woman , something he hadn 't expected as he passed the time thinking . He tried to just focus on the fact that he was now free and ignore how strange it felt for him to now be female . Matt had really been looking forward to prom ever since Tamara had agreed to go with him . Tamara was probably one of the hottest girls in school . With only a week left to go , he was excited . Matt just wanted to hide at first . With school being called off for the week , this wasn 't hard . At least not until it was announced that prom would go on as planned . He thought about not going at first , but he didn 't want to cancel on Tamara . His suit wasn 't going to work , but his sister offered a suggestion . Right before heading out , he looked in a mirror . He felt silly . Here he was in the body of a 27 - year - old woman down the street wearing an old prom dress that his sister had worn a few years back . He felt silly , but he told himself he was still going to go through with it . He began to wonder what body Tamara had now , or any of the rest of his classmates for that matter . It might end up being a pretty interesting night . Chuck checked his text messages again . Andrea should have gotten in contact with him by now about swapping back . They had switched bodies three days ago ; he had fun , but he certainly didn 't want to be stuck like this ! The long weekend was almost over , he needed to get back to work , an he knew nothing about Andrea 's job ! He was starting to feel really stupid for trusting her . He had given her his number , but instead of getting one in return , she just made a promise to get in touch . He hadn 't heard a single peep this entire time . He heart began to race . What if he had written it down wrong ? What if she was trying to contact him and he just didn 't know it ? Maybe he should 've stayed at her place or at least gotten her address . Instead , they had each just exchanged small suitcases with a few items that should last . He checked again ; still nothing . . . Herbert hadn 't been behind the wheel in years , ever since his eyes had gone bad . Of course , thanks to the Great Shift , his eyes weren 't bad anymore . In fact , his entire body was in perfect shape since he swapped bodies with that young woman . He was pretty excited about his second chance at life . There were so many things he hadn 't gotten to do the first time around that he knew he wasn 't going to waste his second chance at youth . And being able to drive again meant that he could get out in the world . Of course , despite his young , female body , there were still things about his that still screamed " old . " He was sure to wear clothes that covered his body . He often screamed at young people to get out of his way . And , of course , he really knew nothing about the " female " aspect of his new self . . . Paul had casually bumped into the woman on the street while heading to work . He had probably bumped into hundreds of people in the past , and he had certainly never swapped bodies with any of the other ones ! Once he realized what had happened , he was frozen in place . It was her who grabbed his hand and pulled him aside . He could see the fire in her eyes . She explained that she was a model , or at least trying to be a model . She was on her way to her first shoot ; she wasn 't going to miss it . That meant they could discuss this weird body swapping later . For now , Paul had to get to her shoot . She gave him simple instructions : Do whatever they ask , no questions asked . A few hours later , Paul found himself wearing a bikini in front of an elaborate backdrop while a man took pictures of him . He felt naked and awkward , but did his best to relax . The photographer seemed to feed off Paul 's nervousness , which he supposed was a good thing . At least if he pulled this off , the woman he swapped with wouldn 't be angry at him for destroying her career . Then again , if they weren 't able to swap back , this was going to be his career . Jack was pretty thankful when he found a cigarette inside the purse he was carrying . After the Great Shift swapped his body with a woman , he felt very stressed and needed one to calm down . If she had been a non - smoker , he would 've felt terrible about doing this ; then again , if she didn 't smoke , he had no idea where he 'd be able to get a cigarette from right now anyway . After his smoke , he was a little calmer , or at least calm as one could be after finding themselves in a different body . When Emily was offered the job she had interviewed for , she was ecstatic . However , since her husband was still unemployed , she devised a clever strategy . Instead of quitting her old job , she simply changed him into her double again . She 'd go to her new job and leave him to the old one . She knew he probably wouldn 't be able to keep it for long , but even a few extra weeks of a second paycheck would help the couple out . Of course , considering the schedule of work and the medallion 's time limit , her husband would stay as a copy of her as long as he kept the job . It was a little weird for her going to bed each night lying next to a duplicate of her own body . She did her best to smile as she wished him goodnight , still with a certain nagging feeling . Her husband could sense something wrong , but he couldn 't quite figure it out what she was worried about . Once he had figured out the science behind body swapping , Harrison was excited . He knew exactly who he wanted to swap with , and there was very little she could do stop him . He was sure anyone else would target some blond ditz or someone like that . Harrison wanted to swap with Maris . He was sure that there was a gorgeous beauty hidden behind her conservative dress and glasses . A mix of a few potions and downing the result , he was able to transform into a spirit and possess her . He gave the biggest smile once he did . He could change her style , dress sexier , and let this body live to its fullest potential . The possibilities were endless . " Nothing , " Reggie lied from inside his mom 's body . However , he was panicking . The small box of body swap pills was empty . Someone must have taken them . That meant he was stuck as his mother . He hadn 't even wanted to be her ; he was just using her body so that he could avoid her finding out about a meeting a teacher requested with her . He just didn 't want to get into trouble . However , if he couldn 't find who stole his pills , there was going to big trouble , because he would be stuck like this ! It didn 't take very long for Henry to notice that someone was staring at him while trying not to be noticed . He thought about not drawing any attention to it at first , but decide a more direct approach might be better . He turned to the very familiar figure hiding in the bushes . " You can come up and talk to me , " He said , " After all , this IS your body , and it will be your body again once our vacations on Exchange Island are over . I realize you probably want to keep tabs on me , but I promise you that I am not going to be doing anything weird with your body . An if you want , we can just stay close our entire time here . There 's no need to hide just to check up on me . " Email ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest When Justin first arrived on Exchange Island , he was quite happy with the body he swapped with . As he settled into his room , he began to check it out . He swapped with a guy with six pack abs , big muscles , and a handsome face . He couldn 't complain at all . Then the phone in the room rang . He picked it up and the front desk was on the other end , explaining that there had been a mixup with the original swap and they were working to fix it now . Justin tried to interrupt to explain that he was happy with how it turned out , but he never got the chance . In another instant , he found himself on the beach in a very different body . He now had long hair and large breasts . He screamed . He nearly had an amazing body that he could use to pick up so many women ; now he actually WAS a woman . He couldn 't believe it . Everyone at school was pretty shocked when Olivia joined the marching band . She was the most popular girl in class , why was she doing something so nerdy ? What no one knew was that the night before , Olivia had swapped bodies with Eugene , one of the biggest nobodies in the school . The two had quickly agreed on some basic ground rules about what each could do with the other 's body , but they were both free to continue doing what they enjoyed . For Eugene , that meant being in the marching band . While it seemed everyone noticed odd behavior from who they thought was Olivia . No one paid attention to the changes Eugene 's body was enacting . In a few months , Eugene would destroy Olivia 's popularity despite her beauty . At the same time , Olivia would transform Eugene into one of the popular students . Email ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest " Honestly , Sis , " Toby sighed , " I don 't know why anyone raved about that lame museum exhibit . The room was practically empty . Then we paid that security guard off , like , what , $ 20 so we could lean over and touch it ? How special could that weird glowing thing be if he was bought off so cheaply ? " Of course , the two siblings hadn 't noticed yet what the artifact had done . Toby now had his head atop his sister 's body and Tiffany had her head on his . The security guard knew full well the power of the artifact , and thought these two spoiled trust funders would get what they deserved . He knew they wouldn 't notice the change immediately , but in a few hours , they 'd be freaking out . . . . Instead of getting angry , after getting over his initial shock , Justin just started to walk away . More than anything , he just wanted to find a mirror . As he walked away , he couldn 't help but notice the woman gazing at his new booty . He did a quick turn . " Didn 't you spend enough time with it ? " He asked , " Do you really need to stare at it now ? " " Just making you see how it feels . " The woman retorted from Justin 's body . Justin paused , " Honestly , it feels great ! You got a great booty . Well , now I have your great booty , and I don 't mind who checks it out ! " Justin had to admit that he had held his gaze a bit too long , but he was mesmerized by this woman 's booty . He knew he was caught staring when she turned and gave him a scowl . She muttered something under her breath about how he should know how it feels , and Justin soon after felt very strange . He gasped as he began to realize what happened . He was looking at . . . himself ? But how was that possible . . . unless ? The shock came over him as he took a step . He was balancing on some very tall heels now ; he wasn 't used to wearing them , but they were nothing compared to the other feeling he now had - - the feeling of the large butt that now belonged to him . He had swapped bodies with the woman he had been staring at ! Ron didn 't complain one bit about the person he swapped with upon landing on Exchange Island . However , there was one thing that did bother him about it - - her wardrobe . None of the clothes she had brought with her seemed to fit quite right . He couldn 't seem to clasp the bras around his chest and the pants were all way too tight , if he was able to get them on at all . Then there was the matter of the swimsuits . He was sure he was going to bust out of this thing . Surely , there had to be a clasp or something , but even if there was , he couldn 't imagine it would be possible to join the two ends . He just ended up hoping for the best as he headed down to the beach , constantly trying to tug the two sides of the suit together . He felt really awkward , but at the same time , he also felt very sexy . The young woman turned her head and looked up toward the man who had just spoken , " Caitlyn ? Is that my name ? I don 't feel like a Caitlyn . In fact , I could 've sworn I was a guy . I remember being a guy . . . sort of . I can 't seem to remember all too clearly . But I 'm pretty sure my name isn 't Caitlyn . . . is it ? " Graham didn 't know why he watched so many award shows , he was just really into them for some reason . It was one night when he was watching one when he suddenly felt his body shift and he realized he was no longer on his couch watching , he was sitting in a chair at the arena where the ceremony was actually being help . On top of that , he was pretty close to the stage . He was gasping in awe until a long strand of black hair fell into his vision . He brushed it aside , but he knew having long hair was wrong . He didn 't have long hair . Then he looked down to see two very large breasts shown off in a very revealing gown . He was a woman ! Soon he couldn 't stop looking down at his new body . He had stopped paying any attention to the ceremony whatsoever . He wanted to enjoy the rare opportunity of being at an actual award show live , but he was far too distracted by the even rarer opportunity of being inside the body of the opposite sex ! Alex was itching to figure out what his mom was going to surprise him with this Christmas . She always bought him some big gift not on his list , and it was always really impressive . He had always tried to figure out what it was in advance , but she was very good at keeping a secret . This year , he had a rather elaborate plan for finding out . Any time his mom said she was going out , he would go upstairs and log on to his computer . He loaded the odd program that he had found on the internet . After loading in a photo of one of his mom 's friends , he clicked on the " activate " button . In an instant , the program would turn his body into a spirit that would immediately fly across town to possess his mom 's friend . He was actually getting a little tired of hanging out with his mom - - getting coffee , going grocery shopping , and so on . However , today they were all going to the mall . He smiled , thinking this was the perfect opportunity for her to buy his gift . Of course , instead it seemed like a shopping trip for her . They bought women 's clothes and household items , nothing that seemed like a gift . Alex sighed as he tried to continue to pretend to enjoy himself . Email ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest Samuel had never asked to travel back in time ; he never asked to end up in a woman 's body upon doing so . However , when he found himself stuck five years in the past in a woman 's body , he soon had a very good plan . He made a lot of very smart investments in the stock market and was son richer than he could ever dream . He had a huge apartment downtown with a grand piano and many other expensive things . He wore pricey , fashionable clothes . Sure , he was a woman , but he could deal with that . Email ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest " Hello ? Hello ? " Gus was sounding ever more desperate with each word , " If anyone can hear me , please help ! I was transformed into a woman somehow . I don 't . . . I know it sounds crazy , but please help ! " What Gus didn 't realize was that his sister was morphing his body from her computer using a rather unique program . While she made him fully aware of all the physical changes to his body , he was completely oblivious to the mental changes she was also making . In essence , he had no idea he was using a toy phone to dial 9 - 1 - 1 instead of a real phone ! Randal couldn 't believe he could be so careless ! He knew the words " Have a nice day " would swap him with a passenger leaving the cab - - just as it swapped him into the driver 's body a few days ago - - but his sense of courtesy just kicked in as the pregnant woman stepped out of the vehicle . He was shocked as the cab drove away ; he asked himself if he had said what he thought he did . Of course , considering he was now standing on the side of the road instead of sitting in the driver 's seat , the answer was obvious . He didn 't want to be this woman ! He didn 't want to be a woman at all ! He certainly had no desire to be pregnant ! He started to feel anxious . Then he felt a dripping down his leg . At first he thought he had peed himself , but he had seen enough movies to know - - his water had just broken ! When the Great Shift hit the factory , it only caused minor chaos , as most workers just swapped with another co - worker , who was equally capable of doing the job . Rick , however , swapped with the boss 's daughter , a fancy woman from the City who was on break from college . He wasn 't sure if her body was capable of any of the heavy lifting that his job required , and he was sure she wasn 't dressed for doing it either . However , as soon as the boss caught Rick working , he was called into the office . He didn 't want his daughter 's body working on the floor ; it was just too dangerous . In fact , Rick realized if he played this right , he could get the ultimate worker 's compensation . The boss would pay to keep his daughter 's body safe and Rick wouldn 't have to lift a finger . Lewis couldn 't believe what he saw when he looked down - - leather pants , a pink jacket , and was that a purse in his hand ? Were those high heels on his feet ? How did this happen ? Then there were a bunch of screams that he heard off in the far distance . He wondered that if he wasn 't the only person who had just experienced some sort of weird body swap . Of course , there was only one way to find out . He teetered on the heels as he walked to the neighbor 's house to ask if they also experienced something strange . Mack had been working on the radiator when a strange spark grew into a large charge , bolting through the apartment complex , and resulted in him swapping bodies with his downstairs neighbor . Every since that moment , he had been waiting by the radiator , hoping that the strange incident that swapped his body with hers would happen again . He had been sitting there all weekend , he only left to eat , sleep , or use the bathroom . He knew if this didn 't reverse itself , he 'd have a hard to explain this at work on Monday . Ever since the Great Shift , Henry couldn 't shake Kelly . Since he had her body , she insisted that he eat what she wanted him to eat , that he do the things she wanted him to do . For a while , he could deal with , but after a while , he just wanted to go home and watch TV instead of going to the gym or grab a slice of pizza instead of a salad . She never let him . After about a week , he finally had enough . He snuck off and grabbed a hot dog . Sinking behind the cart , he was sure she was nowhere around . However , just as he was about to take a bite , Kelly came around the other side . Ten years ago , Neil had been exploring around an abandoned building when his soul was sucked right out of his body . For a while , he was trapped , waiting to wander in . It took years before a young woman wearing a bikini stumbled in . He didn 't want to possess her , but he had already been stuck for so long , he didn 't really have much choice . After his soul entered her , he took control . He could only guess he pushed her soul out , that she was the one now trapped in the old building . He wasn 't comfortable being a woman , but he was happy to no longer be a floating soul , stuck in this one spot . He was free . Jeff took a deep breath in ; he was nervous . He had been to Exchange Island before , but this was his first time swapping bodies with a woman . After swapping , he went up to his room to change into a swimsuit in order to visit the beach . He felt weird undressing , and he didn 't feel much better when he put on the swimsuit . He still felt sort of naked . Maybe he was just so unfamiliar with having large breasts or bare legs . He sighed . He guessed he would have to get used to it ; he was going to be spending the next week in this body . Kevin opened the door to the courtyard of the hotel . He kept the reservation for his honeymoon after the Great Shift , despite the fact that he had called off the wedding . He was surprised to see his friend , Matt , standing there in a wedding dress . Matt smiled . " Well , I know you were having trouble with Pam being in my body after the Shift . " Matt stated , " There was no way you felt like you could marry her now that you are both in men 's bodies . Well , I figured since I now have Pam 's body . . . I mean , would it be a terrible idea ? You are still attracted to this body , and we always had a good time together as friends . Maybe we could make this work . " Kevin nearly burst into tears . He knew it was Matt inside that body , but it sure looked like Pam . And what Matt was saying made sense , and he looked so beautiful . . . Greg and Donald were in China for a business trip . After a busy day , the two hit up the nightlife . At various bars , they flashed their money around and got very drunk . Two beautiful women took note of the rich , foreign businessmen . Neither Greg nor Donald could object as the two women fawned attention on them . As the night went on , the two women continued to flirt , leading Greg and Donald to a square where they kissed . As the kiss broke , Greg and Donald suddenly felt very different . For starters , they both instantly were sober . Greg put his hand to his face , feeling smooth skin instead of his stubble . At the same time , Donald moved his arm over his chest to cover the uncomfortable feeling of breasts that he now had . Both were shocked as they watched their former bodies stumble away . These two women had stolen their bodies , and there didn 't seem to be anything either of them could do about it . Immediately after casting the spell , Max could tell things had gone wrong . He looked down to see a gray top with breasts pushing outward and a pink skirt . Yep , this was definitely wrong ! But he recognized this body . It didn 't belong to the muscle bound neighbor of his , Eric . It belonged to his younger sister who stopped by from time to time , Erica . Max began to think of the body swap spell he had cast , his heart sank when he realized his error . He had paused before saying Eric 's last name . He had to think about it , inserting an unfortunate " uh " after saying " Eric . " That meant he had cast the spell to swap with Eric - uh . . . or rather , Erica ! He couldn 't believe how stupid he could be ! And the spell was back at his place , with Erica now in his body . He wasn 't even sure it would work a second time , and he didn 't want to have to explain this to Erica , who was now in his body ! Rodrigo kept telling himself that just because he had swapped bodies with Claire , it didn 't mean anything . He was still himself on the inside , and when they figured out how to swap back , everything would be back to normal . However , he kept having odd feelings that he couldn 't explain . When he walked past a shoe store , he couldn 't help but peek in . He started to think how cute the shoes on display were , how good they 'd look on his feet after a quick pedicure , and how much he wanted to buy them . He had to snap himself back . What was he thinking ? Why was he so obsessed with shoes ? They didn 't seem like his own thoughts at all ; they seemed more like . . . well , more like Claire 's . He wondered if being in her body was having some sort of effect on him , or if there were residual parts of her left behind . Either way , he knew he had to swap back as soon as possible . Yet before setting off to switch back , he turned to the shoes once more . It couldn 't hurt to take just a little time to try them on , could it ? Just to see how they looked . Despite his better judgment , he soon found himself going into the store to have a look around and try a few things on . . . Brenda stopped for a second . She shouldn 't feel this weird about walking home . Then again , she shouldn 't feel so weird any time she thought of herself as " Brenda . " All her memories were telling her she was " Sal . " Heck , all of those memories were telling her that she was a " he . " What did she know about being a pre - med major ? Or even about being a young woman ? She thought briefly about running back to Sal 's home , to Sal 's wife . Then she realized Sal himself was going back there . . . even though he was probably thinking of himself as Brenda , having a similar existential crisis . She chuckled to herself as she thought about that . She clearly had Sal 's memory of not telling his wife about any of this . If she was going to have a bad week as Brenda with only the memories of Sal , she was sure Sal was going to have an even worse one as Sal with only the memories of Brenda . Suddenly , she didn 't think this was going to be that bad . She looked around ; she lived right around here , didn 't she ? It was considered a breakthrough when scientists found out where memories were stored in the brain . There were many tests to be run , which often required human experiments . Brenda decided to volunteer when she discovered that the amount they offered would pay her entire college tuition with some left over . It was a little scary when they told her they would be exchanging all her memories with another volunteer . Of course , after the procedure , she remembered none of this , or rather , she remembered it a little differently . She didn 't have any memory of " Brenda . " She thought of herself as Sal , a 42 - year - old electric engineer who was doing this for the cash to take care of his family . She had to be told who she really was , her name , where she lived , every aspect of her life that seemed important . She even tried telling herself that she was this Brenda person instead of being Sal . It was weird , since all she could remember was being a slightly overweight middle - aged man , but when she looked down and saw the body of a beautiful college aged woman , she knew those memories were wrong . She felt disjointed as she walked home . It felt so unfamiliar , and she felt so awkwardly uncomfortable in her own body and clothes . She told herself that she must have walked this way countless times before , that she just could no longer remember , but it didn 't help . Telling herself she should be able to remember something was far different from actually remembering . Marc had seen the ads offering a lot of money to switch bodies with someone . Considering how much debt he was in , he started to seriously think about it until one day , he decided to go for it . Once he arrived at the center , it seemed all the bodies he could swap with were foreign females . He didn 't really question much about this , but instead kept his eye on the figure with a whole bunch of zeroes . He swallowed deeply , before picking the body he 'd be stuck with for the rest of his life . He selected a cute , young Asian woman . Some of the other bodies paid much more , but they were often old . Soon he was lead to another room where he was hooked into a machine . It was turned on once Marc was settled in . An instant later , he found himself in a similar room thousands of miles far away . Sure enough , he had the body of the woman he had selected . He was paid the promised money and he was off on his way . He certainly felt rich . . . that is , until he was realized the money he was paid in amounted to only about one hundred dollars thanks to the exchange rate . Alan had to admit that this old machine was truly amazing . He hadn 't even expected it to turn on , but when it did , he was surprised when one of the magnetic tape reels began to turn , proceeding to download a memory onto him . The odd device transformed him into a woman . Her body , her clothes - - they had all been stored on the tape somehow , and this machine managed to transform Alan into a copy of her . He considered himself fortunate to still have his own mind ! He figured his own body was uploaded at the same time , so all he had to do was rewind the tape . He did this and reactivated the machine , but . . . nothing ! He was stuck in this woman 's body ! It had been a little over a month since Brian 's strange magic spell had zapped him back in time 30 years along with his three friends . Their spirits latched on to their mothers ' younger bodies . They had all taken it pretty hard at first , but they were doing their best to adjust . Brian finally thought he had good news . Brian was a little weirded out , " Do you guys know what that means ? In five years , we 'll all be marrying our own fathers ! In seven , we will all give birth to ourselves . Do you guys really want to go through child birth ? " Brian rolled his eyes , " Well , this is your chance . I 'm going to return in two days . If you 're in , meet me in my basement . If not , I guess I 'll see you all in 30 years . " The first thing Aaron did was turn on the TV . It was a bit of a relief ; he wasn 't crazy . There was apparently a worldwide body swapping phenomenon that had just taken place that was being called " The Great Shift . " After accepting the fact that he was now a woman , he began to look around where he was . This house was huge ! This woman owned a lot of clothes and jewelry as well , and it all looked very expensive . It would be a pretty good trade off for losing his own body if he got to enjoy this body 's money . Heck , even if wasn 't legally entitled to it , he had a good feeling that this woman probably had a great deal of pride . It seemed likely that she wouldn 't want to see her body in any sort of financial hardship situation . Aaron was beginning to think the Great Shift might have been the best thing that could have possibly happened to him . Kevin smiled as he texted Ellen from the airport . He had tricked her into swapping bodies with him using the Medallion of Zulu . She demanded they swap back immediately , but he knew the thing wouldn 't work again for twelve hours . That meant he had twelve hours to enact his plan . He headed straight to the airport . He went in the clothes he was wearing , and he didn 't pack a bag - - His own clothes would be no good and Ellen would 've been way too suspicious if he had packed a bag of her clothes . It didn 't matter where he went , but he needed it to be far . He wanted to be sure Ellen couldn 't follow . Still , he didn 't want to be a total jerk . He told her that he left the medallion for her , and how she could use it to switch bodies with someone else . After sending the text , he threw the phone into the trash and boarded his plane . He was ready to start his new life . The fake ID had already fooled security , and the credit card he had set up with that same identity had successfully purchased a ticket . He was sure Ellen would never find him . It was going to be a good new life . Ken breathed a sigh of relief when he saw the old book was still there . It had gone up for auction yesterday , but it didn 't receive a single bid . That meant it was up to him and his co - worker Sarah to put it up online in an attempt to get some sort of money for it . She and Ken had opened it up and examined it , attempting to get a better description . It was filled with words in a strange language . Sarah had attempted to read a bit of it , but it sounded so strange . Neither expected those words to be an ancient spell that would result in them swapping bodies . Ken was shocked to wake up the next morning in Sarah 's bed . He got dressed as quickly as he could , not even caring how short the first skirt he came across was . Upon looking at a few items they had worked with yesterday , he was sure it was the book . He needed to get it out of there . But just as he was about to , another co - worker entered . " Hey , Sarah , " He told Ken , " Let 's get ready to ship that book . We got a bidder that picked the ' Buy It Now ' option with overnight shipping . " Ken began to panic . He and Sarah were only going to have one shot at getting this right . She 'd have to find the same page , recite the words again , and both would have to cross their fingers that they 'd be back in their own bodies tomorrow . John was shocked , " The Shift ? It 's been almost two years now . Why did you wait so long ? " " Losing my body was difficult for me . I wasn 't sure I ever wanted to see it again . As time passed , I realized there were things I missed . " John seemed skeptical , " How do I know ? I mean , do you think you 're the first person who had shown up here claiming this body was once theirs ? I was trusting the first time . It was a big mistake . And even I did believe you , I can 't help you right now . I 'm on my way out . I have things to do . If you can think of some way to prove to me that you did once have this body , then wait here for me to return . I might let you in on my way back . " When Daniel suddenly found himself in a strange place in a strange body , he wasted no time in coming up with a course of action . He got to high ground then climbed the tallest structure he could find to get a better look of things . He still didn 't know exactly where he was , but the world seemed to be in chaos . Cars had crashed , people were fighting . It seemed logical to him that he wasn 't the only one inside of a stranger 's body . Luckily , this body was in good shape and properly dressed for climbing , running , and so on . He had a feeling there 'd be a lot more walking before things calmed down and got sorted out . " My name is Karen . I was supposed to marry my husband today , but I swapped bodies with Todd last week . I was so mean to Ryan . I was a terrible fiancee . I was demanding and rude and downright mean to him . Then I switch with this guy , and I see you , Lauren . You are so sweet , going with the flow , so accommodating . I wish I had been a bride like you to my Ryan . Maybe I would 've have been cursed to swap with Todd . " Ryan was a little shocked . He went over and kissed Todd 's body , knowing it was Karen now . " I have a little confession of my own , " He began to say , as he told her who he really was as well . . . A week ago , Ryan had been drinking in a bar , complaining loudly about his life . A woman named Lauren approached him , saying it couldn 't possibly be as bad as hers . They downed a few more beers together and argued over who had it worse . Lauren finally told him that if wanted out of his life so badly , she could do it for him . She was a witch and she could swap their bodies . But , she assured him , he didn 't want her life . He laughed , partially because he couldn 't believe her situation was worse than his and the other part being he couldn 't believe in magic . But when he woke up the next morning , he was shocked - - he was in Lauren 's body ; he was Lauren ! He smirked . He had gotten out of his upcoming wedding . Sure , he had loved Karen when he first proposed , but she had turned into such a pain in the ass as they went through all the prep work planning for the ceremony and the reception . She no longer felt like the woman he fell in love with anymore . At the same time , he was too chicken to pull out of the wedding ; in part , he just feared her wrath if he did so . However , he never would 've expected that Lauren was ALSO trying to get away from her wedding . They were actually due to be wed on the same day . The following week was a whirlwind of dresses , bachelorette parties , rehearsal dinners , and so on . The week passed in an instant , as he stood in a white dress waiting to marry Lauren 's fiancée , Todd . He didn 't know why he didn 't just run away from all this . He didn 't have any of the attachments Lauren did , so why was he even going through with this . Maybe for the same reasons he couldn 't break things off with Karen when he should have ? He looked out a window and wondered , knowing the wedding downstairs would start at any minute . . . Derek had found the necklace while working at the construction site . He was worried it was some sort of old artifact that would halt construction . Upon bringing it home , he polished it off and instead figured it was just some cheap knock - off , he could give to a future girlfriend . He placed it on a nightstand and went to bed . When he woke up the next morning , the thing was around his neck , even weirder was his whole body had been changed . He was now a beautiful , skinny woman - - even his clothes had changed . The first thing he did was to try and take off the necklace , with no luck . He stripped down briefly , but soon realized his own clothes would no longer fit him . He put back on the blouse and leather pants and headed to the construction site . No one seemed to recognize him as he walked around , and he was soon asked to leave . He had no idea what he was going to do in this strange , unfamiliar body ! It started with a strange flash , and Victor felt like his body was all twisted up . Then there were more flashes , and he soon discovered he was in front of a crowd , many of whom were taking photos . He soon discovered that he was in the body of a woman in a tangled pose . And there were reporters around him taking all sorts of pictures . He began to ask questions . The answers came slowly , but he soon found out he was one of many victims of the Great Shift . He had swapped bodies with a woman who was at the center of attention at a yoga festival . The reporters , who had been doing stories on the festival , mostly decided to change their focus on the spot to the Great Shift , not letting their new bodies distract them . Victor wished he could say the same thing about himself and his new body , but there was something absolutely distracting about the gorgeous womanly body he now had . Harris started making his way around the fence , finding it very difficult to walk in heels and very distracting to have long hair being blown by the wind getting in his face . It had taken him about an hour so far , and he realized he hadn 't even gotten very far . Even worse , the path to get across to the other side was blocked . He began to think that maybe he should just go back to where he started and wait . It seemed very possible that the woman he swapped with was going to do the same thing he was trying and walk over . And , of course , if she never came , he might have to simply accept the possibility that this was going to be his new body . Even if she did , he didn 't know how to make the power lines swap them back . He turned around to head back ; maybe this would be a better body for him any way . Large power lines ran not far from Harris 's house . A large fence that went for miles around them blocked anyone from getting too close , but Harris still enjoyed walking around there for some reason . He often thought about why these particular lines were fenced off with so much distance ; one day he found out just how dangerous they could be . His face was pressed up close to the fence , trying to get a good look when a bolt shot from one of the lines and zapped him . He was out cold . As he reawoke and stood up , he felt shaky . He looked around , and he noticed at first that he was on the clear other side of the small hill where the line 's towers stood . And the next thing he noticed that he was no longer in his own body ! The zap must have swapped him with someone else walking nearby . He guessed the best course of action would be to walk around and find his own body , but it was going to be a long walk around . With an unfamiliar body , it was going to be a very awkward trip ! Even after college , the boys remained close . They stayed in touch and were sure to get together at least once a year . They each talked about their highly successful jobs , a few mentioned boyfriends , one even let loose about a wonderful husband . They each still had a wild side , but due to career demands , they found themselves returning to a conservative dress style . The Shift may have shook up their lives , but they each decided they wouldn 't have changed it if they could . They were happy with who they became , who they 'd become after that . By junior year , the boys had all gotten very comfortable with their bodies , and they managed to shred the conservative image that had followed them for a while simply for being in the bodies they were now in . It was weird how people had expectations for everyone to be like the bodies they ended up with instead of who they really were ; it was quite a common expectation after the Shift . In addition , the boys also all became quite good friends . They hung out together all the time , and they even ended up all pledging the same sorority ( the one that these bodies had belonged to before the Shift ) . This , of course , also helped change the image of the sorority . Of course , a few of the members had hoped they could reign in their former bodies , but they were far from successful . The boys now loved their bodies , and they loved showing them off in tight or revealing clothing . Each of the six boys were just starting to settle in to their dorm on campus when the Great Shift struck . Suddenly , they found themselves in a Greek house , having swapped bodies with members of an all - Asian sorority . As they talked to each other , they soon discovered that they all had been swapped . None of them were happy about being women , and the sorority didn 't exactly have a cool reputation . Most of the women were thought of as conservative and a little prudish . This was reflected when the boys thought about changing clothes . In the closets , they didn 't find any pants or jeans , but only skirts and dresses . The boys ' collective groan could 've probably been heard for a block . Instead of panicking after the Great Shift hit , Rick tried to do an inventory of the pros and cons of being in a different body . Being younger and more in shape , those were both pros . He wasn 't sure whether to put being a woman into the pro or con category . The biggest con was that he had no idea who he now was . Of course , he decided that he could easily do something about this . The woman was carrying a purse ; that seemed like a big pro as it likely contained a lot of information . However , he never imagined how much crap a woman could keep in one of these ; he decided to add that to the con category . It took a while , but he finally found her license , a set of keys , and a smartphone . She had gotten a lot of calls in the short time since the Shift , but the ringer had apparently been on mute . He thought about calling his own number , but her phone was locked and he had no idea what her password could be - - clearly a con . Ron knew he probably should 've been more suspicious when Lin offered him a cup of tea . Her mixture of interests in practicing magic and being a prankster often resulted in some strange situations . But even given that , how would he have ever imagined she 'd cook up a body swapping potion ? She had taken a small sip just before handing it to him . When he took a sip of his own , the magic happened . Suddenly , she was in his body and he was in her . She quickly ran out the door . Ron realized he was in no condition to chase after her , given the dress and shoes Lin had chosen to wear today . He sighed as he looked down at the tea . It was probably all part of her prank . He didn 't even want to think of what she was doing to embarrass him while she was in his body . But as he thought about it , maybe he could get the last laugh . She 'd probably need to make him drink the tea again in order to swap back . What if he refused ? Sure , he 'd be stuck in Lin 's body , but she 'd also be stuck in his - - and have to deal with whatever mess she was causing now . He was thinking he was finally going to turn the tables on her for once . Max was trying very hard to relax and remember what he had learned in that stupid yoga class his girlfriend had dragged him to . He hadn 't even wanted to go , and he hated it at first . But near the end of class , they did this meditation thing that he started to really enjoy . As the instructor guided , Max felt like he spirit was floating outside of his body . It wasn 't until they were all guided back that he found that was literally what had happened , and unfortunately his spirit had landed on the body of someone else in class . He was shocked to be in the body of a woman . He tried to explain to his girlfriend who he really was , but she was panicked as she leaned over his former spiritless body . He didn 't know what to do at first . Mindlessly , he found the woman 's locker out of instinct and changed into her pink dress . He wandered around for several hours before coming up with a plan . If meditation had gotten him into this body , meditation could gey him out . He sat down right where he was , trying to duplicate his original out of body experience . Finding that weird Medallion a decade ago turned out to be a pretty good deal for Dave . His life had taken a sharp downturn after acing his freshmen core classes . He had just barely earned his diploma . But this Medallion would give him a chance to shine again . At the start of each year , he 'd find an incoming student who was desperate and rich enough to switch bodies with him for the year . He 'd do well in their core classes and switch back at before the summer started . He 'd charge a hefty fee for this service , enjoy cafeteria food and dorm living , and even squeeze extra cash from the parents of the people he swapped with . For the first time this year , the person requesting his services was a woman . Being Sarah was certainly an interesting and different exprience . He would show up to her classes and sit in the back , knowing this stuff by heart at this point , he knew he didn 't actually have to pay attention . Instead , he did some math on a notepad , figuring out that with the money he earned this year , he may be able to retire once he switched back . " Not a bad deal , " He thought as he leaned back in his seat . Jim had rewound the video several times over . It showed the last few moments of him being in his own body before he switched with Helen . He was hoping he 'd see something that would tell him how she managed to do this . If he could figure it out , he might be able to figure out a way to reverse it . But there didn 't seem to be any clues . One minute he was standing there next to her , then the swap happened without a beat dropping . He rewound yet again . What was he missing ? The remote had already given Todd hours of entertainment . When he first found it , he had pointed at his girlfriend , and pressed a button . In the oddest of twists , he found himself in her body , and she was in his . She started screaming . Finding a pause button , he managed to freeze her in place . For a while , he was content to keep using the thing to switch people 's bodies , causing a bit of chaos downtown . But when he returned home , things got really interesting . By pressing a few other buttons , he turned his old , small TV into a gigantic new HD model . He was able to upgrade just about everything he owned . He soon realized there was very little this remote couldn 't do . In fact , he was so distracted by the possibilities , he had completely forgotten that he was still in his girlfriend 's body and that she was still frozen in his body upstairs . After the two had used the Medallion of Zulu to swap bodies last night , she had dropped it into a small pond . Neither expected the freak snowstorm that happened soon after . They awoke to a winter wonderland . . . and found a very frozen pond . Ben could see a bright shimmer of the medallion shining through the ice , but it was still pretty deep under there . He really didn 't mind . He had enjoyed being Pamela thus far , and he was sure he 'd continue to enjoy her body for the next few months . Pamela , on the other hand , was a bit less happy with the predicament . Ben watched as she attempted to break the ice to get the medallion out , to no avail . Hunter had no clue how he ended up in someone else 's body , but he assessed the situation quickly . He appeared to be naked in a bed in a scummy hotel room . The water in the shower was running . He saw a pile of clothes and woman 's belongings on the floor . He put on the clothes as quickly as possible , grabbed the items , and rushed out the door . He decided that he could figure out whose body he was in later . His more immediate concern was getting away from that person taking a shower . They probably knew whoever he was , and he was sure if he told the truth , they 'd think he was crazy . He wasn 't sure he could lie and put on some sort of act to pretend to be this stranger . And if he was naked , what if that person was this woman 's boyfriend ? Or her husband ? Who knows what they were about to do ? Or what they may have just done ? Of course , he wasn 't quite sure where he was going to go at this point ; he was just glad to be out of there . Lucas knew he 'd have to leave the house eventually , but it wasn 't something he planned on doing any time soon . He was quite unhappy when the Great Shift swapped his body with his sister . He didn 't like being a woman ; he didn 't like wearing her clothes either . He went through her jeans first , but she only owned two pairs . Most everything else in her closet was shirts and dresses . But he found another pair of pants in the back . They were shiny and sort of weird , but still seemed preferable to a skirt . He felt stupid as he sulked on the couch . He just wanted someone to find a way to reverse this whole body swapping mess . Adam had been hesitant when his ex , Heather , invited him out for lunch . He didn 't want to go , but he had done such a bad job when he broke up with her , he figured he owed it to her . The first ten minutes were awkward , as they just stared at each other without saying a word . Then Heather spoke up and started talking about her ulterior motives for inviting Adam out . The next thing Adam knew , he was looking at himself . He looked down to see Heather 's chest and low cut top . He reached a hand up and felt how smooth his cheek was . There was no mistaking what had happened , he had swapped bodies with Heather ! She smiled back from his body , telling him that there was no way they would ever be apart now , no matter what he did . Adam had broken up with her because he thought she was a little crazy , but she had no idea that she was THIS crazy ! The body swapping machine hadn 't quite been perfected yet . After Doug and Gwen swapped bodies , they should 've been able to swap back right away , but a few busted parts prevented that . As a result , they were going to be stuck as each other for at least a week . To keep the machine a secret , they agreed to pretend to be each other for that time . Doug had thought it would be easy , but after being hit on several times at a bar , he felt his masculinity threatened . On top of that , Gwen 's hormones were really messing with him . He needed to do something to confirm who he really was . He looked around and planted a big kiss on the cutest blond he could find . He felt like his masculinity had been reconfirmed , but he had just made a giant whole in the whole " pretending to be Gwen for a week " effort . Mark was sure he had to be dreaming . There was no way he could 've become a woman instantaneously . Even if he had , these breasts didn 't even look anywhere close to real - - or , for that matter , even possible . Yet as he took off the sweater to reveal the giant orbs and then giving them a giant squeeze , it sure felt like they were real . The nice , pleasurable shock that tingled through his body as he gave the squeeze told him that he wasn 't dreaming either . Of course , he had so many questions . How did this happen ? Whose body was this ? How long was he going to be stuck like this ? Where was his own body ? James grumbled as he handed a coffee to another smiling customer . Two days ago , he was in charge of this company , now he was stuck in the body of a minimum wage worker . It all started when he made some comments on a talk show , attempting to quash his workers ' demands for higher wages . One of those silly liberal groups heard it and pressured him to go undercover for a week . His PR and marketing departments thought it was a great idea , and he reluctantly agreed . Of course , he thought going undercover would involve some sort of disguise , he didn 't expect to actually swap bodies with one of his workers - - and a female one on top of it all ! He wouldn 't be able to just take off this disguise at the end of the day , he was stuck in her life completely for two whole weeks . He wondered why he ever agreed to this , and wondered if there was any way he could get out of it . He didn 't want to be in this woman 's body for another second ! Eugene was giddy as he looked at his reflection in the water . The spell had worked , and it was clear that he managed to steal Lisa 's body . The odd thing was that he actually didn 't feel all that different - - it was one of the lingering effects of the spell , so people didn 't get too shocked to suddenly be in a new body . For a moment he wondered if Lisa had even noticed she was now in his body , and how she might be reacting or what she was doing . Then he realized he didn 't much care . She could do whatever she wanted with his old body , it was hers now . And Lisa 's body was now his ! He was so excited ! Paul couldn 't believe it . The parts he had ordered months ago had finally arrived . They were essential for fixing his body swapping machine . Of course , he would 've been more excited if they had arrived quickly instead of being on back order for so long . In fact , while waiting for them to arrive , he had gotten quite used to being in Natalie 's body . As he sat on the box , he wondered if he even wanted to bother trying to repair it at all . He really had no desire to switch back , and he wondered if the world really needed all the chaos a body swapping machine could cause . He thought about lying to Natalie , and not telling her that the parts arrived . He 'd need somewhere to hide them , but if he stuffed them in a corner of his garage , she 'd likely never even be able to guess what they were . Zeke lived and worked on an isolated farm . He usually only ever interacted with people on the days a driver came to pick up his crops or when he went to market . Usually , he interacted with other men , and the few women he met were often farmers themselves . It was odd when the young woman arrived on his farm . She was merely lost and looking for directions , but Zeke had never seen anyone like her before . For starters , she was so feminine . It seemed like she was from the city as well . Zeke was also pretty sure he had never met anyone who was Chinese before . He was courteous as he gave her directions ; she seemed just a little uncomfortable walking through the muddy grass in her heels and seeing old cars and farm equipment around . Zeke tried to put her at ease as a flash hit them both . Neither knew at the time what the Great Shift was , but they were immediately aware of its effects . Zeke found that he was now the one struggling in heels as he stood on muddy grass , seeing his own body sitting on the porch . His biggest concern was how he was going to get anything done with this body . It felt so dainty , like it could break in half simply from working the tractor . After downing six beers at the bar , Theo knew he was drunk , but he didn 't realize exactly how drunk he was until he went to the bathroom . Upon reaching into his pants , he struggled to find what he needed to in order to do his business . He couldn 't believe he had so much to make such a simple task so difficult . Of course , in his inebriated state , he hadn 't yet figured out the root cause of his difficult , which was that he had swapped bodies with one of the women he had hit on earlier in the night . He couldn 't find anything because there was nothing to find . After quite a long search , it finally dawned on Theo when another person came in next to him to break the news . He told himself that none of this could be real , it had to be his drunk mind playing tricks on him , but he never remembered anything like this when he had been drunk before . . . Puja felt a moment of discomfort when meeting the man who swapped into her body as a result of the Great Shift . She had quite quite as peace with the whole idea of swapping , clinging to her Hindi faith as a means of coping , telling herself the Shift was like early reincarnation . However , when she saw her former body dressed completely in leather , she wanted to throw up . Kevin didn 't see what the big deal was . He didn 't know anything about Puja 's faith ; he just knew his new body looked great and wanted dress in a way that made it look even better . It never occurred to him that Puja was Hindi or that cows were sacred to her . As he walked toward her to make a casual greeting , she ran , being unable to cope with this situation . Kevin thought he understood , thinking it must be quite difficult to see one 's former body . Of course , Kevin was quite clueless as to what was really going on in Puja 's mind . He may have had her body , but that was very far from truly understanding someone . " Weird ? What makes you think I 'm doing weird things with your body ? I 've just been sitting here , minding my own business and watching some TV , " Seth told Miko , " Besides you caused this body swap with that damned medallion . We can 't swap back until you come home from my work . " Of course , Seth had been doing all sorts of weird things with Miko 's body while she was away at his job . The latest was getting dressed up in a maids outfit and playing out a little fantasy in his mind . With a few hours left in the day , he still had plenty of other things he wanted to try out before Miko returned home with the Medallion of Zulu and swapped them back to their own bodies . Andre decided to try out the life of the body he was now in . He was discharged and began his life as Noelle Artus . He tried his best to adapt to living her life , but he soon decided to make several changed . The first thing he decided to do was break off her engagement ; he just wasn 't ready for that . It was a little while before he had trouble with her work - - eventually leading him to quit . The only element he ended up keeping up was Noelle 's relationship with her family . There was just something about the thought of making them lose their daughter that he just couldn 't do , so he kept up appearances . But he was doing it on his terms . . . It was a lot for Andre to take in . He wouldn 't be able to tell anyone he was still alive , not his girlfriend , not even his mom and dad . At the same time , he was going to have to embrace this woman 's life . Of course , he could cut off ties . He could break up with the fiancee she had ; he could quit her job ; he could shut out this woman 's family as well . Dr . Wong told Andre that they could always find him a job at the hospital ; he could start a brand new life from there . As he thought about the pain his family must be feeling , he wondered if it would be fair to enact that same pain on this woman 's family . Maybe he 'd try to live her life , at least for a while . . . Andre did a few more sessions on his own before Dr . Wong finally returned one day . She stopped him before he started hitting up some of the equipment and stood him in front of a mirror . As he stared at his body , she started talking about how this was who he was now . . . Dr . Wong sighed , " That 's the problem , Andre . You won 't be able to . This procedure was experimental and secret . You aren 't going to be able to tell anyone about it , not even your family . This woman you are now , this is your body . This is your life . Your physical therapy is done , but over the next few days , we need to teach you about your new life , about who you are now . Then you will finally be able to leave . . . if you want to . " Andre estimated that it had been a couple months now since the transplant - - he had actually lost track . It was his first time in the gym without Dr . Wong . He was doing so well ; he didn 't need her constant encouragement or help anymore . He was sure his new body hadn 't rejected his brain at this point . He wondered when this whole physical therapy thing was going to be over . Heck , he even was still staying at the hospital . He began to wonder about when he would finally be considered well enough to be able to go home . A few weeks later and Andre 's physical therapy was going great . He could run , lift , stretch , and so on . Of course , with his improvements in ability also meant he was becoming more and more aware of his new body . He couldn 't help but think about how glad he was that it had been such a gradual realization . From the numbness he felt to full awareness he was now experiencing . It gave him time to adjust to being female . It was hard for him to even think about his old body ; it all felt like a distant memory . Andre was eager to get to work , but he didn 't even get to do anything but look around on the first day . Then several more days passed , and he hadn 't even been brought back to the gym . Then after resting one day , he woke up on a mat with the gym ceiling above him . Dr . Wong was there , telling him to sit up . He hadn 't really thought about it , but ever since his brain had been transplanted into this body , someone had helped him stand up . Even if it was to go to the bathroom . Dr . Wong was asking to stand up on his own for the first time . It was more difficult than Andre had imagined . She assured him ; he could do it , but that it would be a challenge for his new nerve endings . For about a half an hour , he struggled . Then , with a little more effort , he pushed himself up to his feet . For a few moments , he felt like he was going to fall right back down , but he soon got his bearings . If this was how tough standing up was , he was a little nervous about what would be coming soon after .
|
I don 't remember exactly how I got into the whole process of working in my art journal but I am so glad I found my way there ! I have not missed a day since the 1st of November , doing something , if only to write about the day . I have written in a journal for years but they did not include any type of art . I deal with depression , was diagnosed with bi - polar back in my early thirties and have been on meds ever since . This process that I enjoy so very much is the best kind of meds for me , I know it works . I can be down , not in a good space in my head and when I get to my desk and just do something to get the color flowing , I get so lost and involved in that page , I totally forget how I was feeling when I first sat down . Think the word is flow , to get so into the process you loose track of time . Some days I feel like I 'm in a rut but I keep trying one thing or another until it just starts to happen . When things just flow out of your soul and it ends up on that pages . This past weekend we had company and I was ask to share some of my work with them . I was surprised and shocked by my first reaction , I did not anticipate this feeling of being exposed . I have to say it was not an easy thing to do , I felt like they could almost see into me . As they sat and looked making comments about each page , I lost some of the fear , but I realized that they were getting to see some of the inside of me and I guess I was not sure how they would react to it . I have done some pages where if I am hurting I get it on paper , if I feel lost or feeling invisible to loved ones , I get it out . At the same time , they may have seen me with new eyes , seeing a side that they had never truly come to terms with or wanted to deal with at all . They saw how vulnerable I can get in my every day life . It is part of who I am , some people just don 't want to accept that or have this fear of the unknown . My sweet , sweet daughter is one of the happiest people I know , she has the nic - name " Sunshine " from that beautiful smile on her face all the time . She does not waNap Time If all the world does not know by now , I had a wonderful weekend at the beach with ALL of my children , yes , all , count them , One , Two , Three ! If the whole world does not know about this wonderful weekend it is not for lack of me trying ! It 's as if the stars were in the right formation or I had prayed to God for so long , he must have gotten tired of me asking over and over for just a bit of time with all three of them . This trip had so much to do with my husband who made it all possible , who wanted it almost as much as I did . I think he cried about it more ! When Summer called me to let me know that she would have a weekend in October off , she ask if it were possible to get the house that we use while in Hilton Head . I told her I would check and see and get back with her . At about the same time I was talking with Jason and mentioned the trip to him , not really thinking anything would come of it . During this time , Joseph was also coming to Dublin to get furniture for his place in Iuka , Mississippi so I said something to him as well . Once I found out that I had the house , I called them all and let them know the dates and what plans we had made . I knew that Summer and Mat would be there , was pretty sure about Joseph but couldn 't say one way or the other about Jason and Lorna . I would not let myself get my hopes up , I kept telling myself that I would have a good time regardless of who got to come . At first I was going to cook this and that but quickly realized I had no clue who all would be there so I finally decided I would get what I needed when I got there . On Wednesday afternoon I got a phone call from Joseph , I assumed that he was calling to let me know that he was going to go with us . Boy was I in for a shock ! He first ask how many people will the house sleep , OK peeps , red flags are being thrown right and left ! ! ! ! I tell him that it will sleep 12 , he then says that he was thinking about bring the girls . I said well that would be fine , they could sleep together in one of the bunk beds and then this is where it got squirrelly ! He starts out by laughing and saying well , it would be a bit more than just Pearl and June . I did not say a word , mainly because I was speechless ! He goes Momma you still there and I " m like Yes , he goes Mandy would have to come as well . An Atom Bomb has just been dropped , and I need to respond only I still have no words , my mouth is open but NOTHING is coming out ! Ok here goes , I DO NOT like to tell my children NO . Not about small stuff , I know you have to tell you children no about things but when I have been able to go with yes then I tend to do so . I DO NOT like to hurt my children 's feelings at all , most times I bite the bullet and give in . So imagine how I felt when these words come flowing out of my mouth ! ! NO , I do not think that would be a good idea , not this trip . FYI : Mandy is not talking to me these days , she has even had her sister call me and not ask me but tell me not to contact Mandy ! Joseph has ask me not to talk with Mandy , so can you imagine what that would be like if we were to share the same space for a weekend ? Plus it would make everyone who had been invited uncomfortable and I had to put them first . I tried to explain this to Joseph in the nicest way I could and hope that he would not cancel his trip . Several hours later , he called again and was telling me that he was not going to make the trip , that he was going to go with Mandy and the girls to Chattanooga , at that point Johnny took the phone from me and walked away . I do not know what he said to Joseph but when he hung up , he told me that Joseph would be coming to thI left on a Thursday morning , the weather was made for a road trip in a convertible , and I had just the car ( thanks to my dear husband ) . He had had the car detailed for me the day before , so she was looking good ! I had some motown in the cd player , full tank of gas , x - large diet coke in the cup holder and a smile on my face ! ! ! As I was driving down I realized that Johnny has truly listened to me when I have told him things about myself , like I had always wanted to have a little two seater convertible , that one day I would love to have the money and freedom to just take off and go to the beach , one of my dreams was to be able to take all of my adult children to the beach and just hang out with them . So I 'm driving and it hits me like a brick , he is making my dreams come true , one at a time . Not only am I driving around in this sweet little black car but I am also headed to the beach and my adult children are coming as well . I started to cry and had to call him and tell him how special he had made me feel , what a sweet man he was , and how much I loved and appreciated him . So by now we are both crying ! LOL The ride was made so much sweeter by all of this , no man had ever done anything of this magnitude for me ever and honey I 'm only on the drive down ! ! ! ! Summer called to let me know that she and Mat were coming on Thursday as well , she was a bit under the weather and did not feel like working , so this meant that I would not be alone that first night , which was fine by me ! I get to the house , unload the car and head out to Fresh Market , one of my most fav places to go in Hilton Head ! They have got the most amazing produce section I have ever seen ! OMG I filled up the cart with fruit and veggies , if you have never been to one of these stores , you have got to go ! Took all of these things back to the house , and headed back out . I like to get a little something for Randy and Cathy ( owners of the house ) when we go down , so I headed to Pier One , picked up a few things for them , went to Barners and Noble to get a few mags to have handy and decided to get my first meal of the day . ( It 's like 6 : 00 p . m . ) I went to two different places but just could not make myself get out of the car and go in . I know it sounds crazy but hey , I 'm certifible remember ? So I head over to the Piggly Wiggly to get the rest of the things I need , go back to the house and unload again . Mean time , Johnny was calling me to update me on any calls he was getting from the boys . When he called to say that he had just talked to Jason and that they were in Atlanta I was so excited / relieved , it was like I had been holding my breath and I finally could let it out ! That is about the time that Summer and Mat got there and the weekend began ! Friday morning I 'm up before Summer and that is unheard of ! I just could not wait to get everyone there and head to the beach . Johnny had called me when Jason , Lorna and Joseph were in Dublin on Thursday night , so weird for them to be at my house and me not there ! By noon Johnny and Joseph arrived , and guess where all 5 of us headed , Fresh Market ! LOL That is where we were when Jason called Johnny for directions to where we were . Ok to say that I was excited is such an understatement ! We saw them pull into the parking lot and Summer said Momma if you can not contain yourself maybe you need to go out side . I went running out like a bat shot out of hell ! Trust me the mania had set in , I was shaking so bad , I was laughing and crying at the same time . And this poor girl with Jason had to think I had lost my mind ! Jason looked amazing ! OH how I had missed my son , his smile , his laugh , his eyes . In my mind I kept repeating Oh Momma , Oh Momma ! We went back in to where the others were waiting and my special weekend was on . You know your on vacation when there are no plans , no place you have to be , and from just talking with the kids , there was really no place any one wanted to go except to the beach . So after lunch we all headed out to the beach . October is a great time to go , the weather is still warm , the beach is not packed with people , we felt like we had the place almost to ourself . Jason and Lorna got in the water , which was so cold ! Jason , Joseph and Summer had this thing that they were throwing and were having fun just being together , I enjoyed watching my adult kids interact . Yeah , my world at that moment was complete . Summer and Joseph had a race on the beach that ended up with both in pain ! They had ask Jason to run with them but he declined due to toe cramps , ( Summer lol when he told her this ) so when we finally left for the day , we had two limping back to the car . Summer runs everyday and had been training for a 13 mile road race for the next weekend . We were not sure if that was going to happen now or not , she felt like she had pulled something . We all felt so bad for her . One of the highlights of the trip was Saturday when we all got in the kitchen and worked together to fix our dinner . Everyone was in a good place and I think each and everyone of us felt good to have the connection again . It was a chance for us to get to know Lorna , she is just such a sweet lady . Easy to be with , funny , very laid back , she only eats veggies ! She had lost so much weight and looks amazing . I had worried about what she would eat but she was so easy to be with . She really seems to be good for Jason , it shows that they care for each other . I let them drive my little car and I think they both enjoyed that . There was lots of talking and laughing , good food , good times and the promise to do it again next year . Sunday came to fast , I think everyone wished we had one more day ! It was sad to see them leave but I did feel that we would be together again in the near future . As I drove back to Dublin I talked to Momma about the weekend , I thanked God for all of the things he has blessed me with . I confirmed once again , love and life it 's all about family , it 's begins and ends with family . I am one very lucky lady to have such an amazing family and I thank God for each and everyone of you . Such a simple word , but when I think of this word it brings to mind anger , hurt , depression , broken promises , lost love , children that feel they did something to cause this , more hurt , more anger , feeling a hate to the point you question how you ever loved this person ? Wondering if they will come back and ask for forgiveness , that they made a mistake , hoping that they are as lonely as you are , as miserable as you . A split between two that effects so many . When I went thru my divorce I was so afraid , how was I going to be able to take care of my children , esp due to the fact that I did not want to get out of bed in the morning , much less get up with a smile on my face . What would I tell them when they had questions about what happened . How could I when I did not understand it myself . How does one just stop loving another ? I had no job , a very small bit of college , I had not worked outside the home in so long , what was I capable of doing ? I lived in Chattanooga with no family or friends for the support , however , my sister would come at the drop of a hat if I needed her and in the end , she and Gary went thru this divorce with me , day by day . They were my rock and a soft place to fall when I needed either . There is no other way to say this other than God helped me with one word , just one and I went to the bible to see what I could find about the word . The word was Lot , how do I know this , because Momma always told me , some times the Lord works with you or thru you by putting things in your mind . When this happens you will know and it 's up to you to do with it what you will . There were days that went by and this word would not go away , it was there when I woke up and there when I went to bed . I called Momma and Kaye both and talked to them about this , telling them there was only one thing that made sense to me and that was the story of Lot 's wife , who was told not to look back but she did and turned into a pillar of salt . Could that be it ? It had to be , that day when I prayed I told God that I got his message , that I had to stop looking back , I had to look forward , move forward . From that point on that is what I did and what a blessing it was for me . The past is just that the past , to look forward is to look to the future and that is what I needed to do . Joseph and Mandy are now separated and I have tried to help both , I understand what Mandy feels , I know how hard it is until you realize that your life has indeed changed and you need to get with the program . I know how hard it is on Joseph not getting to see his daughters each and every day , I know he misses them . There is a part of me who misses Mandy already , I truly love her as a person , have always enjoyed my time with her . But she was not the best wife to my son , I tried to rationalize this by telling myself , it 's his life not mine , if he is happy that is all that matters . But he was only able to take it for so long and he finally left . He called me two years ago and told me how he felt but he did not want to leave his girls . He would call me every day for long periods of time just to have someone to talk with . I admired him for staying there knowing how he truly felt , but there never seemed to be any let up from Mandy , he could do nothing right . When he left it came as no surprise to me , but it left Mandy in shock . She would call me and cry and beg me to make Joseph come back , just one more time . I tried to talk to her I did more listening than anything because I knew she needed to talk . I feel that I was as compassionate and understanding as I could be , at the same time making sure that I was loyal to Joseph . Joseph would call me and thank me for being there for Mandy , that she was putting some of the things I had suggested to use and that he felt like they were working . Then Sunday I missed a call from Mandy and I returned her call , this was the very first time I had called her since this whole thing started . She was indifferent to me , said that I was the cause of this breakup and was I happy now , that if Joseph had been talking with her they would still be together . Then she said that she was going to demand supervised visits for Joseph when he gets to see the girls due to his diabetes . Yeah , that 's about the time I lost it , I have my limits as well . The only thing I addressed was the visitation , I did not get down and dirty like I wanted to do . Ended up hanging up on her and then the phone rings again and it 's Mandy 's sister Robin , demanding that I not call Mandy any more . Johnny took over then and told Robin that I had only called Mandy one time and she needed to stop talking to me the way she was . When things had calmed down we talked about what was going on and were on the same page about how everyone feels about this . I 'm so sorry that Joseph is getting a divorce , I wish things could have been different for them , but it is what it is and I will try to be here for him , help him in any way I can . I will miss Mandy , I already do , it 's like a death only that person is still alive , you just don 't have them in your lives any more . Divorce is harder than death , death is final . I often times use the expression , " I 'm certifiable crazy " or I have a legit certificate showing how insane I truly am . There have been times in my life when I just checked out , could not deal with any more shit , lost the will to live . Each time I would go to that dark place it seemed harder and harder to come back . To me it is amazing how your body will do what is necessary to protect itself , or at least your mind does . The first time I felt like something was amiss , I was maybe in the 7th grade . Walking home from school I would some times stop at one or more of the shops there on Lynn Garden Drive . Like the News Stand for the newest Archie comics , or at McConnell 's Grocery to get a half frozen Pepsi , Suger N Spice Bakery for a sweet or the drug store just to browse . Back then the store keepers did not mind you browsing , today I 'm sure it would make the store keepers nervous . This particular day , I was there in the drug store with my cousins Sue and Janice Jessee , we would walk home from school most days together talking and laughing about what had happened at school that day . I remember standing looking at some greeting cards and before I knew what was happening I had wet my self . It was really hard to hid it , both pants legs were wet and even my shoes . I was horrified by what had just happened . Trust me when I say that it was a very long time before Sue and Janice ever let me forget that ! As if I could . I walked the rest of the way home in shame , what was wrong with me ? When I got home Momma had also just gotten home from her day at school , I don 't remember if she noticed my clothes being wet or if she discovered it later and ask me about it . I just know that the next day , Dad took me to the doctor . Ok , how much more humiliating could this get ? ? ? When Dr . Brown ask me what had happened I told him of the experience thru tears , he patted my hand and told me that he was going to get Dad . When they returned to the room Dr . Brown told Dad that I had what was called post traumatic syndrome , what we now call PTSD . I rThen when I was 19 I started to think about suicide . I thought of so many ways to do it , who would find me , make it look like an accident ? I remember thinking I did not want to go the way Marilyn Monroe had , with booze and pills , hell I did not even drink ! Then when I found out I was pregnant my thoughts of suicide kicked up a notch or two . I was about 27 when I went to see my GYN doctor and told him how I was feeling and things I thought , he told me that I needed to see someone and hopefully they could help me with my life . He sent me to Dr . Lee Solomon , which started years of therapy and so much medication , I can 't remember all that he put me on . I remember the day he told me that I had what was known as manic - depressive , I would have extreme highs and then very low lows . With some meds , some talk therapy and time he would be able to help me . Oh and did I mention money , yes some money as well . Ain 't nothing in life free even talk ! I started out going to talk therapy with Dr . William Lefton , 5 times a week , and each week I would see Dr . Solomon so he could ask about the meds I was taking and the side effects . This became my life for such a long time . Until one day , they decided that I needed to be put into a hospital for " people like me " ! I remember Richard driving me there , walking into the lobby and being lead down a hall to this room with two twin beds and a table between . A nurse and two men came in with me , while the nurse frisk me , the men went thru my suit case and removed several things that I could not have in my room . I don 't remember being scared altho I know I had to be , but I was on lithium as well as several other meds so I was very cloudy . I was then taken to met some of the other patients and get to know the lay of the land . This place was trying so hard to be like " home " but trust me when I say it was a far cry from home . You could hear crying all the time , day or night . We had one guy who loved to come out after dinner at night with nothing on but a rain coat , he would run into the room stand in front of the tv and flash everyone . At first it was a shock , but then you just got use to it , as strange as that sounds ! There was group therapy , talk therapy , grief therapy , there were social workers , psychiatrist , psychotherapist , & psychologist . I was moved from one office to another one just to see each and talk , talk , talk . They took away my music , my needle work , my books , if I took a bath , I had to have some one in the room with me at all times with no shower curtain . There were bars on the windows and the doors , which were locked at all times . One day while lunch was being served , one of the patients got out of the dinning room , got out the door and went over the fence , the alarms went off and if you had never heard them it was unreal ! It turned into a zoo , patients on the floor , some clapping and cheering , some crying , others were so drugged up they did not know anything had happened . The only person I wanted to visit me during my stay was Richard , I did not want my children to see me here nor Momma or Kaye . On one occasion Richard brought me a gift , a bottle of Calvin Klein 's Obsession cologne ! When I opened it I could not stop laughing , I found it a bit ironic to be in a mental hospital and he gets me obsession ! Which they took from me very quickly ! Glass might break the bottle and cut my wrist . I remember I wrote to Amy just about every day , I don 't know why unless I felt like she more than anyone would understand the pain , the confusion , the hurt and despair . The feeling of total hopelessness and such a loss of self . When you see no light at the end of the tunnel , you feel so lost . I use to refer to this thing as a wolf in pursuit , nipping at my ankles , and there are times when he gets just too close and I can 't run any more . According to my doctors I suffered three breakdowns during this time , they felt it came from the emotional , physical and psychological abuse from Richard . Dr . Lefton would advise me weekly to get a divorce , that Richard was the source of most of my pain . And I would tell him each and every time , divorce was not a option for me , was against my religion . He would then say so is suicide , in which I would agree . It is amazing how the mind works , and after all that me and my mind have gone thru I still suffer from being bi - polar , take meds each and every day . I understand this thing that I have control over these days , I know when I 'm having a high and can feel the low coming on . But I have them , they do not have me . I do have times when that wolf gets a bit too close for comfort , when the thoughts of ending my life seems sweet not selfish , when I just don 't have the will to go on , but they are few and far between . I realize now that everyday can 't be a walk in the park , but it 's not hell on earth either . Not like it use to be . I have had one constant in my life thru this journey and that has been my sister Kaye . She has been there for me each and every step of the way . She never said no to me , she has spent hours upon hours listening to me talk , bless her heart , I know she has been a life line for me my entire life and I have a love for her like no other . I do believe that mental illness runs in families , just like heart problems , cancer , being an alcoholic . In one therapy group I was a member , we were to trace back in our family , members who had suffered from this as well , yeah , our family has some nuts in it I found out . Not naming names , you know who you are ! LOL The year was 1973 , living in the bible belt at the beginning of the " sexual revolution " . Sex was not a word that was heard in our home , it 's like it did not exists . I don 't remember either of my parents discussing sex with me , I just know that I knew a girl did not have sex before they got married , that could have come for going to church . A requirement living with Momma , it always seemed funny how Dad got to sleep in and we had to go to church . To say that we had a strict upbringing would apply but at the time it seemed normal . Kids were not allowed to do anything they wanted to do then , and the only gangs I knew about were the Hell 's Angels . There was respect for people in uniform , for your parents , your elders , something that seems to be a thing of the past , sad really . At the age of 19 little did I know that a decision that I made would change the entire course of my life or how it would affect the way I would come to feel about myself . Much less all of the hurt and pain I caused my parents during that time . I don 't think of it as a mistake , but a decision made by a girl who wanted someone to love her and went looking in the wrong place . A girl who thought that it could not happen to her , I mean really did I think I was above this ? Apparently ! It 's text book really , boys / young men have one thing on their mind and it gets worse as they get older . Not all males are this way , I know , at this time I was engaged to a guy who I had dated for several years , there was never any pressure from him . He was a gentleman and that is one of the reason I went out side of our relationship , I wanted someone who broke the rules , I wanted my James Dean . And I found it , he had the fastest / baddest car in Kingsport , he had a reputation that went along with his car and to me at that time was exciting . I wanted to live a bit on the edge , I was so tired of being " safe " . When I found out I was pregnant there was only one thing on my mind , how was I going to tell Momma and Dad what I had done . After much thought I knew what I had to do , I had to get married and then I would tell Momma and Dad , to me it just seemed the right thing to do , I had made the decision to not wait and I had to make it right . This was my first time dealing with the thought of an abortion and I stand by the same way of thinking today , life begins at conception , not after the baby looks human . When I told a few people and the father the first thing that came up was abortion ! I was firm on my stand against this , there was no wavering for me what so ever . I could not live with myself if I had done this . I spent the weekend literally begging the father of my baby to get married , he finally said that he would marry me , give the baby his name and then he was gone . I agreed as quickly as possible , so afraid he would change him mind . A couple of weeks later we got married and moved in with Momma and Dad until we could find a place to live . A few weeks later we moved into a house that Rich had lived in before he married me . It was a dark , nasty , depressing place . So dirty that at first I would go to a service station to use the bathroom . Then one day Rich 's brother showed up and he and I cleaned and cleaned until I felt like it was a clean as we could get it , but it still looked so bad . When I think back on that place , I can not believe that I lived there , much less brought a baby home to that . This was about the time when Momma found some leaflets between the mattress and box spring that I had hidden there about being pregnant . She came over one Saturday morning and ask me if I was pregnant and all I could do was cry . Things were never the same between us again , we could not go back to the way it had been , we were both changed . To say that I put my parents thru pain is such an understatement , omg , their daughter had brought shame down on them , their baby girl had gone and done the one thing that is as close to a crime as she could get and not get punished by the law . Remember it 's early 70 's , good girls just did not get pregnant unless they had a ring on their finger . Momma told me Not to come to her school where she taught , Not to come to her church , she did not want any one that she worked with or went to church with knowing what I had done to our family . She called me one morning while I was at work and told me that she was at the hospital with Dad , he had had to be rush there the night before . I ask her what was wrong , she said she had told him about me being pregnant and he must have suffered a heart attack , the doctors had not told her yet . That I had broken his heart . Then all I heard was crying . I ask about coming over to see him and she told me to stay away , that seeing me was the last thing he needed right now . By the time my first born arrived , Momma and I had a new adult relationship , I don 't know if she forgave me , I know she never forgot . We brought home my son Jason to Momma and Dad 's house for the first week of his life , I knew NOTHING about babies ! I was so afraid . I was in uncharted waters with this new life and I watched everything Momma did . Oh how she loved this little boy , she would just sit and hold him , telling him how much he meant to her . I think this is the first time I remember thinking " Is this my Mother " ? Dad was not so quick to come around , I will never really know how he felt , we never talked , esp about this . As a very young mother , I was 19 when Jason was born , I did not know what to do , how to do it , but the thing that I regret most at this time of Jason 's life and my own is I did not know how to really love him . I loved my parents completely , I know that they gave me their best at all times , but they were not ones to show love or affection . I think they gave my sister lots of love and all that goes witPosted by I love " As The World Turns " ! I have watched this soap opera since before I could walk and talk , you see my Momma watched it during the summer months when school was out . She was a school teacher , so by the time she got home from school the soap was over . There were not vcrs then either . Funny how with only three months of the year to watch , she was able to keep up with the Hughes family . The show started around the time I was born , so I feel as if some of these characters are family . We ate lunch to this soap , when I hear the music I know it is lunch time . Through the years the time has changed which has put my lunch time later and later , but I still have lunch with those wonderful people of Oak - dale ! There have been lots of changes with the show , you have new actors taking over roles , new plots which can be hit or miss . There is a very select few couples who have been left alone to be happy . I guess if they were all happy the show would get boring . You have your nice , straight laced people then there are the villains , James Standbeck is one of those who never seems to die ! The show is to come to a close this September and I for one will miss these people ! Who am I to eat lunch with now ? When I heard the news I was heart sick , this show has been with me since forever ! ATWT I will miss you , There 's always a first time for everything and I must admit not only this being new to me but I am a bit apprehensive about the whole thing . However I plan on giving it a try and see if this can some how take the place of writing in my journal . It sure would be easier for me all the way around . There are a lot of times when I want to get my thoughts out there and sitting down and taking the time to write just is not in the cards for me . Typing is much easier to do and to read ! I do not expect to have words to inspire others , nor do I want to put something out there that would cause harm or hurt . These views / expressions are my own , there seems at times to be so much going on in my head , with no place to go . Have I just described a blog ? I think so . I hope that I do not become my worst critic , I seem to find fault with everything I do , it 's just never good enough . Can you really fail at writing on a blog ? If there is a way , I 'm sure I will find it . So with that in mind , I shall attempt to do this thing called blog . Married to Johnny now for 18 years , he is my best friend , my rock , someone I love to be with and laugh with . I have three children who are all grown , one is an artist , one is a police officer and the other is an it geek . I have two cats , Skeet and Birdie , and one dog MoeJoe , don 't know what I would do without them . Johnny and I run a business out of our home which keeps us both very busy . This pic was taken while we were in Hilton Head , Jason and Lorna came down and joined us and we had so much fun . Jason and Lorna went out for a boat ride in the afternoon and took these pics . I love this pic of Lorna My daughter Summer started working out several years ago due to the nature of her job , she is a police office in Valdosta , GA . She may weigh 90 lbs soaking wet . She started running as well and decovered that she loved it . She is now a full fledged runner . She competed in her first 1 / 2 Iron Man this past September in Augusta , GA and I was so proud of her ! ! ! ! She finished in 6 hours and 39 minutes , had I done it I would still be out there somewhere . : ) Summer is my champion , she gives her all in everything that she does . No Mother could be any prouder of their child . I turned 40 years old this weekend and had just gone thru a very nasty divorce , I remember sitting here wondering what the hell am I to do now . I had three children who depended on me to be strong and I have been every thing but that . Some how I found the courage to keep putting one foot in front of the other and tried to show my children that they could depend on me .
|
Month : October 2014 NaNoWriMo October 27 , 2014October 27 , 2014 DBHargisLeave a comment Saturday , 11 - 1 is the beginning of " NaNoWriMo " or " National Novel Writing Month . " Yes , I am participating . I like the idea of trying something new and also the idea of participating in a world wide event . Although writing is a solitary endeavor , it does help to know others are pushing themselves to the same goal . Kind of like running . Each runner must be intrinsically motivated to start in the first place , but I often enjoy having someone running at my side . Even if we don 't talk . The goal for NaNoWriMo is to expel 50k words in November , which works out to about 1600 words per day . I feel that this is completely doable , since I already have the story arc for " Flower Girl " in my mind . I have many details worked out , but I know approximately 20 % of the magic will happen when I start to write . I can 't wait to start writing . I feel like I have been on a diet from writing while finishing up the editing on my first book , " Subway Girl . " Come on Novemeber ! ! ! Posted in Uncategorized Subway Girl - Chapter 1 - Stray Dogs October 26 , 2014 DBHargis1 Comment People always say your life can change in an instant , but I thought they meant something drastic had to happen , like a car accident , or maybe a blood vessel burst in your brain . Or it could be that something really lucky happens , such as being spotted by a talent agent , or winning the lottery . I didn 't know that your life could change in an instant but that it would not instantly change . What I mean is , something could happen , something subtle , and you may not realize it at the time but it changes the course of your life . You could be going along in a rut , not even knowing how deep the rut is and how unlikely it is that you will ever get out of it , when something happens that lifts you out of the rut and your life takes a slightly different trajectory . Months later you look back and think how stunning , how utterly remarkable it is that your life ever changed at all . That is what happened to me last summer , and it started when a complete stranger hugged me . That may sound kind of corny or even churchy , but you would have to understand what kind of a guy I was back then , what kind of a person I had become and how I was living . I was hanging out with this guy Robbie who was a homeless panhandler . I wasn 't either of those things , but people often mistook me for a homeless person . I was getting the weathered look of a guy who lives outdoors . The truth is I wasn 't technically homeless , but I didn 't go home for days at a time . My hair was in dreadlocks , which contributed to the homeless impression . Not the cool kind of dreadlocks that a guy in a band might have , mine were nasty . I didn 't even set out to have dreadlocks , it just happened when I wore a knit cap for a month and neglected to comb my somewhat coarse hair . It got a few matted spots in the back and I didn 't bother to do anything about it . By the time the weather warmed up and I took my cap off , I had a dreadful hairdo . Not neat and symmetrical dreadlocks . I had a few big ones in the back , a few small ones all around , and some hair that just didn 't conform . To my surprise , my dreads did not cause people to stare at me . In fact , it had the opposite effect . People avoided me and gave me space . I looked homeless which made people assume I must be crazy or a drug addict and they left me alone . I kind of liked the feeling of being invisible . I realized if you wear headphones , sunglasses , and a cap , you can go days on end without anyone talking to you or trying to mess with you . One particular day , I was standing next to Robbie , who was asking people getting off the subway for a dollar . It works better to ask for a specific amount rather than just ask for change . I was standing about five feet away from him so that he would look alone , which is also better for panhandling , but we could still converse and joke around with each other . Robbie and I liked to try and make each other laugh while we were acting like we didn 't know each other . I was usually a pretty shy person , but when people look right through you it gets easy to be bold sometimes . Most people wouldn 't look my way , so I felt comfortable saying crazy things to strangers . This time I was pretending like random women getting off the subway were my girlfriend coming home from work all happy to see me . I would hold my arms open and pucker my lips . This got a good laugh out of Robbie , so I started to say to a few of them " Hey honey , I missed you . Where 's my kiss ? " Of course they ignored me and kept walking , but then suddenly one stopped . She stopped and looked at my face , which kind of startled me since most people don 't do that . She stopped and said , " I won 't kiss you , but I will give you a hug . " I thought she was joking , but when she took a few steps towards me , I figured she was some sort of religious zealot . I got ready for a " churchy " hug expecting her to put her arms on my shoulders and give me a few pats and tell me that Jesus loves me . But that is not what happened . She set her briefcase down on the ground and put her arms around me and hugged me like she knew me , like she was completely comfortable . It wasn 't just an upper body hug . She sort of folded herself into me and I could feel her legs touching mine . And she held on for a long time . In actuality , it was probably five seconds , but I wasn 't expecting her to do that . I could hear Robbie laughing and practically screaming , hooting and hollering , but I stayed quiet and still , not wanting to ruin the moment . I was so startled I started shaking . " Go after her , man ! There 's your chance . She wants you , man ! " Robbie laughed , doubling over and slapping his knees . " I can 't believe it , man . Go after her ! " But I could not explain to Robbie that I didn 't want to spoil it . I did not want to scare her or follow her . I wanted to go think about what had just happened , so I walked in the direction she went without looking for her , just trying to get away from Robbie . Back to the bustling world where I was invisible so I could sit down and think . I sat down next to a wall and thought about every detail that had just happened so I wouldn 't forget it . She was wearing a business suit , a grey skirt and matching jacket , but her shirt was hot pink and shiny , like the kind you could wear out at night . Her clothes and briefcase made her seem mature , but I could see in her face that she had to be in her twenties . She smelled really good . She had blond hair that was pinned up . She was a lot shorter than me . She was good at hugging . Her eyes were blue . I didn 't want to forget anything , but then I started to question if it really happened , it seemed so bizarre . But I 'm not crazy and I don 't do drugs . A pretty girl thought I was huggable , and I thought she was very brave . The next day I returned to the exact same spot at the exact same time hoping to see her again , just to make sure she was real . I was glad Robbie wasn 't around . I thought about how my mom used to tell us not to feed stray dogs or they will never go away . I felt like a stray dog . I tried to get a good look at every blond that got off the subway . Then I saw her . It seemed like she might be looking for me too . She had her head up when she got off the subway and I saw a quick grin before she looked down and kept her eyes on the ground as she walked . I expected she would walk right past me , which would be okay . I was just so relieved to see her again , to validate that it was real . I did not expect her to acknowledge me . But she walked straight up to me and said " Where 's my hug ? " She actually said that like it was the most natural thing in the world , so of course I hugged her . And it was amazing , I heard her sigh , or I felt it . It seemed like she relaxed in my arms , like she knew me and wasn 't scared . Again , I held very still , trying not to ruin it by seeming to cop a feel or anything weird like that . I would have stayed in that position for days , but she released the hug and looked me straight in the face and said " Thank you . " She actually thanked me , so I muttered a quick " You 're welcome , " and she picked up her briefcase and walked away . I started shaking again , but not as bad this time . I was able to watch her walk for several yards so I could study her and remember everything about her . Her hair was blond and silky and fell past her shoulders . Today she had on black slacks and a royal blue cardigan with a white shirt underneath . She carried a black briefcase . Her shoes had small heels . She walked really fast . Of course I went back the next day . This time I expected to see her and even planned my day around it . I went by my apartment that afternoon to brush my teeth and pick up some clean clothes . The reason I never go home is that I live in a tiny one - room apartment with two drug addicts . They were not always that bad , but things had gotten crazy and I never knew what would be going on there . I seldom went home , but I could not afford to move , so I continued to pay rent on a place I couldn 't even feel comfortable in , but I could not give up the apartment . If I didn 't have an address , I really would be homeless . Plus , I could afford 1 / 3 of the rent with my unemployment check and my check got mailed there . When that stopped , something would have to change , but I tried not to think about that . I always knocked on the door of the apartment even though I have a key . I wanted them to know I was coming in so they could at least put the pipe away or turn the porn off or something . Even though I knocked and waited ten seconds to turn the key , Jeff looked startled . He was standing in the middle of the room naked . He mumbled " Hey " and headed towards the bathroom , the only place where there was any privacy . " Wait ! " I shouted . I knew if he went in there it might be hours before he came out . " Let me get my toothbrush first ! " But he quickly shut and locked the door . I went downstairs to get my clothes . I stopped keeping clothes in the apartment because my roommates used to steal them . I never saw them wearing any of my clothes , but they all disappeared . I found a solution to the clothing dilemma when I saw a sign on the cork board in the entryway advertising for light housecleaning and laundry . There was a woman name Louisa downstairs and she would wash my clothes for 25 cents each . I would give her pants , a shirt , underwear and socks for a dollar . ( She counted a pair of socks as one item , bless her soul . ) But the best part was it gave me a safe place to keep clothes . I gave her a dollar and she handed me a clean set and I headed upstairs to change . This time I just used the key since I knew Jeff was locked in the bathroom and would stay there , but instead I saw Thomas doing lines on the kitchen counter . I didn 't even know where he came from : he didn 't pass me in the hallway , but there he was . He actually yelled at me , " Hey , don 't you knock ? " I didn 't answer since Thomas was a hothead when he got high . I just wanted to change my clothes and get out of there , but there was no privacy so I just turned my back to get changed as quickly as possible . I dropped off my dirty clothes to Louisa and headed out . I walked to the dollar store and bought a toothbrush , a travel sized toothpaste , and a deodorant , which smelled all wrong , and that left me with only one dollar to eat that day . I used to try to keep myself on a five - dollar - a - day budget , which was really hard to do when I had as much as $ 150 in my pocket the day after my unemployment check came and I paid rent . My routine was to shove my money through a hole in my left pocket ; that meant my cash would be safely stored in the lining of my jacket . I would keep just $ 5 in my right pocket , my cash for the day . I took a bird bath in the sink at a bathroom in a convenience store , but I had to buy something to get the " customers only " bathroom key , so I bought a granola bar and I still felt hungry . This was okay because I knew some restaurants that throw away perfectly good food every night . I just had to wait . My upper pocket held my phone , charger , earphones and ID . My phone was my prized possession and that 's how I treated it . My Dad still had me on his plan as long as I agreed to check in once a week , so I didn 't have to pay for the phone bill , but I did have to find places to charge it . I didn 't charge it in the apartment when my roommates were there - for obvious reasons . The next day at the subway station , I stood in the same spot waiting for her . I scoped out every blond woman that gets off the subway , but I don 't see her . The subway moves on and the crowd thins out . I try not to feel disappointed , but I do . I wonder if she missed her subway and I decide to wait for the next one . Again I searched the crowd looking at the face of every blond , but I didn 't see her . I wondered if she purposely got off at the previous stop or the next one , to avoid me . Maybe she came to her senses and knew not to pet a stray dog . I walked around a lot that night and stopped for a few naps . There are a few 24 - hour places where I could hang out for an hour , such as a donut shop as long as I bought something , so I dipped into tomorrow 's money for seventy cents . I can sleep sitting up with a cap pulled low and as long as I don 't stay too long , I can get away with it . During the day I hang out at the library a lot . I may look scruffy sometimes , but I am young and I don 't stink and I don 't babble , so with a book in front of me I can really catch some z 's . I even have a library card and sometimes I 'll check out a paperback I can fit in my pocket and carry around . I 've heard it said that NYC is such a literate city that even the homeless read . It seems to be true since I 've seen other guys that are truly homeless with books . Again , I think it is a good shield to hide behind when avoiding the human race in a crowded city . I think about the subway girl a lot that day and wonder what happened to her . I contemplate going back , but I don 't want to be disappointed again so it is easier to act like I don 't care , and I catch myself trying to make up mean things about her . But in the end either my curiosity , my boredom , or my loneliness wins out and I head back to the same spot at five o ' clock . I really don 't have anywhere else to be anyway . This time I see her and I am sure she is looking for me . She walks right up to me and I said , " I missed you yesterday . " I didn 't plan to say it , it just came out and I immediately regretted it . " I was sick , " she said . And then she hugged me . Didn 't ask , just did it , not that I would have denied her or anything . I watched her go and noted that she seemed sad today . Her voice was different . She wasn 't walking as fast . She had on grey slacks and a black sweater . I wanted to follow her and talk to her , but again I was afraid I 'd break the spell . Carlos and I had been buddies in high school and it was his idea to move to the city . He had a cousin who was the maintenance manager of a big office building and he said he could get us jobs . We were basically janitors , but we also go to fix stuff , which was cool . We had a room with some tools and parts where we worked , mostly on office chairs . I was amazed at how often people complained about a broken chair . We had tons of damaged chairs and we would scrap parts and repair chairs , then take out trash , clean and stock restrooms , change fluorescent lights , fill up the water bottles , stuff like that . It was a great job . At first we were always busy and could not believe we were so lucky to work in this nice office when the weather was freezing cold or scorching hot outside . We got the apartment I still have - the one tiny room with a kitchen " area , " which was really just a few cabinets and sink and tiny appliances along one wall . The only separate space was the tiny bathroom , the private domain of my current roommates . With Carlos it seemed small but bearable , since we didn 't hate each other . Even though we worked together , lived together , and played on the same soccer team , we managed to get along . Carlos and I had always played soccer and within weeks of living here we managed to get in with a group that played every Saturday morning . We did not have organized practice , just showed up and played , although Carlos and I practiced together during the week . Carlos moved back home when we lost our jobs , but I stayed and continued to show up no matter how weird the rest of my life got . Moving home would make me feel like a failure . The only thing left for me at home since my mom died was my dad and brother , and they both resented me for not joining the family plumbing business . " You too good for us , Ray ? " my brother would ask , and my dad would chime in with , " Ah , we don 't need him . " I knew my dad did not have enough business to pay both of his sons , so he seemed relieved when I found a job in the city . I picked up my clean soccer uniform early every Saturday morning from Louisa and returned it to her stinky and sweaty every Saturday night . Louisa always said " Play hard " when she handed me my uniform . It seemed a really strange thing for her to say , but on weekdays she always told me " Work hard . " I took her advice only on Saturdays . I got to the park that Saturday , saw the guys kicking the ball around , and went up and said hello to Marcus , an older guy I 've become friends with . He has a pretty wife and two little kids who come with him to the park sometimes . His wife always gives me a Gatorade . None of the guys know that I roam the city all week . They think I am normal and they treat me like normal , but we don 't talk about anything besides soccer . Today Marcus asked me how Carlos was doing , but I have not talked to him so I just said " Fine . " After the game I went by the apartment and for some lucky reason , no one was there . I jumped at the chance to take a shower . There was no soap and the bottom of the bathtub was filthy and grimy , but it felt great to let the warm water run over my body . Really great . I kept thinking about " Subway Girl " and how nice she felt in my arms , how good it felt to touch somebody . In fact , I was thinking about it so much that I started to get hard and took advantage of this rare moment of privacy . Just in time too , as I heard a loud crash out in the main room . I didn 't have a towel to dry off with , so I stood there shivering a while and listened to my two roommates yelling at each other in the other room . I used the outside of my jacket to dry myself off , got dressed , and got the hell out of there . They didn 't even acknowledge me when I walked out . They were quiet and hovering over something on the coffee table I couldn 't see , so I just headed to the door and reminded them " Five days ' til rent is due . " Sundays were sometimes easy , sometimes hard for me , because the library and a lot of businesses were closed , but churches were open and I knew a few that I could go to where people dressed casual and I wouldn 't stand out if I just sat in the back . I had three different Catholic churches I could go to and this day I scored as one of them had a potluck in the parish hall after church . I was able to save the $ 4 . 30 I had left over for that day , which was good because something usually came up . The afternoon wasn 't cold so I sat outside in the park . I even saw a soccer buddy who was practicing and got to kick the ball around for a bit . Then came the weekly Sunday afternoon call home where I told my dad I was looking for a job and asked how he was doing . He always asked when I was coming for a visit , but the price of a bus ticket was way out of my reach . I couldn 't tell my dad I didn 't have enough for a bus ticket , so instead I acted like I was busy on the weekends with soccer and friends and stuff . I don 't know how he believed me or if he just wanted to believe me , but he didn 't push it ; the phone calls seemed enough to prove I wasn 't dead or on drugs or anything . Monday I went back to the subway station at 4 : 45 to wait for Subway Girl . Robbie was there this time and kept trying to talk to me and I was really nervous about it , so finally I just asked him , " Hey , Robbie , if that pretty blonde girl hugs me today , can you do me a favor and just keep your mouth shut ? I 'll give you a buck to just stay quiet . " " I 'm gonna steal your four dollars and take your girl on a date to McDonald 's . Let her order offa ' the value menu . " Robbie was laughing now , so I knew we had a deal . Then I saw her . She was wearing a blue dress with boots today and she looked beautiful . My heart started racing . She smiled when she saw me and looked down as she walked straight to where I was standing . When she got to me she set her briefcase down and she hugged me , arms around my shoulders and mine around her waist . As soon as I could feel her loosening her grip , I let go and I really wanted to say something , but I didn 't know what . She reached in the pocket of her dress and handed me a folded up piece of paper and said " Bye . See you tomorrow , " and she turned and walked away . " Hell yeah , man , tomorrow I 'm only chargin ' ya $ 3 . 00 ! " Robbie was laughing as I walked away . I found a place to sit by the wall and slowly unfolded the sheet of notebook paper . It was handwritten in black ink and said " My name is Alicia , and hugging you is the bright spot in my day . "
|
The lasts scenes were something i personnally lived . Seeing an empty appartment - once again - but this time , the goodbye was slightly different . More like a ' real farewell ' . The kind i didn 't expect to say or feel before i would be very old . Or never , actually . But it happened . I waited five minutes before the only door at the end of the hallway opened . A man appeared behind it . A dark suit on with a white shirt and a red tie . I thought it was a bit too dress up for a psychologist . But whatever . I stood up as he greeted me then suggested i enter in his office . The room was pretty large , allowing a desk surrounded by three chairs , a couch and a library to coexist . It was quiet . The closed door isolated us from any sound coming from the outside world . A bubble . Safe and dangerous at the same time . He offered me a seat on the couch , right away . I waited for him to sit first then mimicked him . I sat at the edge , far away from him . I look at him : he had a notebook he already wrote on . When he was done , he looked up to me , gave me a smile then waited . After a long minute , anxiety grew in me . - ' I see that you keep on looking around . What 's on your mind ? ' The remark surprised me . I thought i was subtile . I shook me head and raised my shoulders as an answer . ' You must be thinking of something . ' he insisted . I hated those kind of questions : what do you think about ? Do you trust me ? Well , before you asked me that , i did trust you . Now , i think you 're suspicious . So , no , i don 't . When the psychologist said i must be thinking about something , my mind went blank : i stayed quiet . He looked at his watch . I checked the clock on the wall . Seven minutes has passed . - ' Sounds like you didn 't need this to get it . ' I smiled . ' And why do you think he 's going to therapy ? ' I took a minute . ' Do you think you need it too ? ' I remained silent . ' How are you doing ? ' - ' Usually , when people ask that question , they don 't really want to know how the other person is doing . All they want to hear is ' yes , i 'm doing well ' . Whether they are a good person or an asshole . ' - ' Tell me : why now ? ' I didn 't understand . ' I 've been following your brother for few weeks , now . He told me about you , a few times . He told me he asked you many times to come before . So why now ? What changed your mind ? ' - ' And you felt like you needed to talk to someone ? How do you feel about it ? ' A ghost passed by . ' What are you going to do that day ? ' - ' You feel better on your own ? ' I shyly smiled , my look was stuck on the carpet . ' What are you doing when you 're alone ? ' - ' Every day . Every time i do something , i think about calling her , telling her everything . . But i can 't . Not anymore . ' I paused . Then a laugh slipped as tears blurred my sight . - ' Euhm , i … now that she 's gone , i want to talk to her . But , before … I didn 't have anything to tell her . That 's just … that 's just … fucking dumb … I 'm an … hyprocrite . ' - ' You mean being sad ? ' I nodded . ' You know it 's human . You just lost someone you loved . ' As i satyed quiet , he continued : ' Why do you feel like you don 't have the rights to be sad ? ' - ' I 've never … I haven 't shown her my affection . I was cold and mean to her … I rejected her . ' A tear dropped on my hands . Dumb sentence . I closed my eyes when that thought immerged in my mind . I took few seconds to recollect myself . Then when i opened them , i found myself at my desk , a dozen of files to work on for the day . Noises from the background gently arrived to my ears : people talking , laughing , greeting each other , sounds of printers , computers starting , keybord being smashed by cafeinated fingers . Suddenly , a closer voice pulled me out of that confusing state between reality and dream : ' Are you ok ? ' I looked at my left and saw my co - worker 's concerned face . I realized that my eyes were filled with salty liquid and my chicks were wet . My heart was pounding and my throat closed on itself . I opened my mouth to answer but words couldn 't get through . I stood up , apologized rudly and walked as fast and as discretly as possible to the bathroom . I miss her . It feels like a dream . I feel like there 's a before and an after . And it 's noticeable by the way I 've been lately . Am I gonna be this way til I pass away ? Semi - sad every now and then , more often than before ? At the verge of crying every time I hear something that she might like or say ? I was laughing right before he called . I remember having a good day : finished on time for once and preparing myself to walk out and embrace the sun that waited for me . When I received the phone call . From him . He never calls me . When I picked up , his voice was trembling , he tried to hold his tears . He asked me where I was and if I was alone . Then added that I needed to go home asap and not take any other calls , especially from my cousin . But why would I ? And mostly , why would he call me ? On my way , my pace fastened as my thoughts ran into my head . Something happened . To her . Something bad . I think I knew deep down what was going on but I didn 't want to jump into conclusion to fast . I needed to hear it from a solid source . As soon as I stepped into my appartment , I sat down , redialed the last number in my history and waited . Straight to voice mail . I tried one more time . Voice mail again . I decided to wait for him to call me back . Few minutes passed . Then , the sweet melody of the song ' All of the light interlude ' came to my ears . He started with small talk , very small , then dropped the bomb . I didn 't know what to say . My mind went blank . We stayed on the phone for a minute or two : I asked how they found out and what could be the cause . Then he had an incomming call from our cousin . As soon as he hang up , I broke down . The first thing I did after calming down , was my laundry . My rationnal mind stepped in . The next day , I had to go to her house and after that , I wasn 't sure of my staying . Oddly , when I lied down in my couch , I felt exhausted . As if all the fatigue I cumulated over the last six months just fell on my shoulders . As if I had to carry my entire world on my own . The next day , I took my luggages , got into my car and drove for five hours . Five hours in a complete silence . No music , no thoughts in my head . When I arrived there , I saw three cars parked in front of the house . I recognized two of them but the third one was unknown to my memory . I stepped to the front door : do I ring the bell ? Knock ? I decided to go inside . I heard noise above my head . I went upstairs , widened a second door and paused . I saw my brother sitting in the hallway , facing piles of papers . Next to him , there was his girlfriend . She noticed me before notifying my brother . He stood up and walk to me . How are we supposed to act ? Do we hug ? Or … We greeted each other like we use to do , like two strangers . I did the same to his girlfriend , my cousin 's wife and finally my cousin . They all had those saddened eyes as they looked at me . I tried not to shed any tears in front of anyone but my cousin said something that made me almost crack : ' My condolences . ' I nodded then turned my face away . Fast forward to later in the afternoon , we went to the funeral office . I held it down pretty well so far . But on our way , I got car sick . Usually , it 's just an headache and a slight stomach ache . This time was different . Way different : my body started to freeze . It started in my left hand , but I thought it was because I held the seatbelt too tight . Then it progressed in my legs to right hand . At that moment , I suspected that it wasn 't usual , so I asked if we could stop for a while . As soon as the car slowed down , I opened the door and stepped away from it . I sat down . The feeling slowly went up to my chest . I ddin 't understant what was happening . I felt paralized , I couldn 't move . It scared me . They told me to relax , to try to calm down . They put me in the car . They tried to reassure me . They succeded a little bit . Then I massaged my left hand , like she taught me once . I relaxed a bit . As I did so : I fell apart . Arrived at the funeral office - I don 't how to translate that in english , sorry - they talked about what kind of care to did on her so far and explained to us the process of her funeral . Then we went to see her . My brother asked if I wanted to see her . ' I don 't know . ' I was scared and didn 't really want to see her . It would make it all too … real . He told me to come anyway . When we entered the room , I saw her lying on the bed , in the middle of the room . I walked in front of her . She stayed still . Her chest wasn 't moving . Her eyes were closed . I looked at her , tears came up . I tried hard to keep them in , waiting for her to sit down and laugh to our faces , like she made a bad joke . But nothing happened . The silence killed me . I cried my eyes out in front of her inanimate body . I didn 't understand . . how could it happen ? In between tears , I managed to say something : ' This is so stupid … ' As he heard that , my brother took me in his arms . For the first time , I didn 't feel alone . I woke up in the middle of nowhere . My head hurted so bad , it took me five minutes to realize i was still laying on the floor . Floor that was filthy . Dusty . When i finally stood up , i scanned the environment . A desert . I was in a desert . I felt lost , then i remembered i was shot . I panicked on that thought and checked myself . But no wounds . In my disarray , i noticed a sound . A constant sound of what seemed to be water . Like a stream . I looked around to determine where it came from . Afar behind me , there was something shining . I walked towards it . When i came closer , the shining thing appeared to be a freeway 's barrier . The stream sound was the sounds of cars going from left to right , very fast . A bright light blinded me from the left . A loud sound deafened me . I was confused for a minute . When i came back to my senses , i jumped on the other side of the barrier . Few cars honked at me . I put myself in the middle of the way . A car stopped five centimeters from me . I stared at the driver . He looked scared and perspiring . I walked to the driver 's door , opened it and pulled the driver out . I took his place and started to drive away . Few seconds later , a memory struck me : i was with someone before i got knocked down . I checked all around me , hoping i would see him . But nothing . I drove back to where i woke up . I made few rounds . When suddenly , a silhouette appeared in between two bushes . It 's him . My friend ran out to me . He got on the car . A minute later , we were driving on the freeway and my friend pulled the wheel to the right . The car turned drastically out of the road . I hit the break . We drifted for few seconds then stopped . I looked at him , my eyes wide open . ' What the … ' He walked out of the car and ran to a hole . ' Yeah , ignore me ! ' I followed him . In the hole , there was a car : a dark blue car , a little messed up . It 's his car . He jumped in the hole and got in the car . I followed him . He started the car and drove backwards . He hit a wall . Then forwards . He hit a wall again . We were trapped . I - ' There is one on the rooftop of the hospital in town , but it 's kind of far away from here . It will take time . And there is another one , a little closer - but still far though - but it will be hard to get , at the military base . ' I paused . ' So which one do you want : the safer but longer plan or the dangerous but less longer one . ' He took few seconds to think : ' Or maybe … ' He didn 't finish his sentence and drove directly to a rural airport . We were at the end of the lane . The police lost sight and track of us . When we approached hangars , a shape of a big airplane formed itself . We hoped it was what we were seeking for . We came closer and there it was : a military green Cargobob . Nice call ! ! We ran to it . We got in . As soon as i closed the door , some gang members showed up . I looked at my friend . He looked at me with a small smile . ' Let 's kill ' em ! ! ' I jumped out of the airplane , pulled a gun out and started to shoot at the gang . When i killed my first victim , one of the police car , we just got rid of , was passing next to us to get back to their base . Policemen got of their car and started to shoot at me . I took care of policemen then ran to hide behind a burned bus . I usually had a hard time to survive in a gang war . But this time , i had the police on top of that . I killed four gangsters . I felt weak . My friend ran out of ammo . I caught my breath . I shot few policemen but more of them came . I killed the last gang member and stayed in cover behind the bus . My friend recovered a little bit . I got the last two policemen on our way and we ran towards to Cargobob . We took off as fast as we could , and fortunately , escaped the police . My friend flew us to his trapped car . He tried to place the plane on top of his car so the magnet could grab it . But the maneuver wasn 't easy . After two try , he landed the plane between a cabin and a pole . He focused on his task and tried to take off again . A black smoke came out of the plane . It doesn 't look good . On that thought , i jumped out of the plane and made few steps . It took only few seconds for the plane to blow up . I laughed so hard ! A shot came out of nowhere ruining the moment . I pulled out a gun and scanned around me . Cops found me again . I thought we got rid of them . I shot at them as they shot at me . A great battle , which i was losing , was on . I hid in the hole where my friend ' December 30 , 2014 Symoha It was a tuesday morning , i went to school on time as usual and without any motivation in mind . I took a sip of water as i sat down at a table in the corner of the room . I looked around me : there only were four other students with me . And the teacher wasn 't there . I put out all the stuff i had in my bag to pretend that i intended to work then took my phone and started to play a game called ' Piano Tiles ' . After making a miserable score three times in a row , my teacher decided to finally show up . A slightly rush of adrenaline went through my heart . I hid my phone behind an intrument called ' articulator ' and faked working . For about an hour and a half , i moved on in my work a little bit . ' You mistook yesterday for Sunday again ? ' A male voice surprised me in my back . I turned around and saw a colleague who , i assumed as he didn 't even took off his coat , just arrived . I laughed at him who made fun of me . ' Nah , i just didn 't want to come . Too lazy . ' i replied . That small conversation broke my pace so i decided to try again Piano Tiles . After failing twice again , i changed the game . Now i was prepared and focus to break my score at Flappy Bird . I failed , lamentably , after ten trials . To recover from it , i decided to do something i knew i couldn 't loose at : writing . I opened a blank page on my phone . I started to type whatever came through my mind . As my finger slipped on my screen , i lost track of time . I looked up . No one was as focus as the first thirty minutes of this day . I turned around and glanced at my colleague 's phone . He was playing a race game . I looked closer : it looked a lot like Mario Kart but it wasn 't the same characters . It was Angry Birds , in a car race version . It seemed funny enough to entertain me for the rest of the morning . So i watched him play . Then i went back to my writing for a bit , saving everything every two minutes . Then i looked at his phone again to see if he kept losing or not . He wasn 't . He changed the game . It was a card game now , called Belote . I heaI kneeled next to the guy that just fell in front of us . A rush of adrenaline came through my body . I didn 't know what to do when my friend told me : ' Take care of him ' . She 's funny . How am i supposed to take care of him ? I started to put him on the side , an old reflex from a training i had seven years ago . An other girl from my class came to help me . I overheard her saying that this guy was having an epileptic crisis . She put his left arm along his body and told him to put his other hand under his chick . He unconsciensly obeyed . A second later , i heard footsteps coming closer really fast from the corridor . I looked up : it was her running towards us . Behind my friend , there were two teachers trying to keep up with her speed , panic on their faces . They made their way through to the student who fainted and started to dial 18 - our version of 911 . The teacher didn 't even had the time to get anybody that the student came back to his senses . I opened my eyes slowly . Everything was blurred . I heard voices but i couldn 't hear clearly what they were saying . When my vision came back to me , i could see the floor was really close to my face . What happened ? My lips were warm . My hand was under my head . I felt my body was lie down . How did i end up in this position ? I looked around . There was a big dude sitting right in front of my face and a chick was next to him . They looked worried . I tried to stand up but they adviced me to stay like this for a lil longer . I recognized two teachers panicking behind them . I finally sat down without their consent . I looked around . There were a lot of students around me , concerned and curious about what 's going on . One of the teacher gave me a tissue . My lips were bleeding . I just noticed . After a moment , they finally asked me the crucial question : what happened ? I looked at them , paused and admitted : ' I can 't stand blood ' . In everybody 's mind , that explained everything . The director must have shown his students an operation on a patient 's mouth . Everyone guessed there was blood everywhere as the dentist took off few teeth from his patient or when he stitched a gum . The director walked out of his classroom , passed in front of the student who fainted , and didn 't even look at him . Everyone was making jokes with him as he passed by . But what they were really doing was trying to hide his low level of care for his ' students ' . Today , was a weird day . It 's my borther 's birthday , so it should 've been happy . Well , it was until i received a particular call from far away . The morning was normal . Under the rain , my shoes were way too wet , i need to change them . Buy new ones . Then at lunch i came back home - it took my half an hour but i felt like it was longer than that - then i ate and i was knocked out . For no reason . I took a nap . I thought i slept only fifteen minutes , but it was like two hours . It felt weird . Then i rushed back to school to attend to a reunion . Right before i went in my car to drive to school , i received that special call . I hesitated to take it not . I didn 't . So , i was in a reunion with other people , when i received a mesage from my brother . It was a message with a picture . I downloaded it and took a look at it : it was a picture of my father . A recent picture of him . I froze . Instantly . I stared at the picture for a while . Then i looked more closely to it . Then i kind of smiled . The funny thing was that my brother and i love the concept of Windows 8 . 0 and the label Nokia . We both have one . Not the same . He has the Lumia 1025 - the best in my opinion - and i have the Lumia 625 . And on the picture , my father has … Wait for it … the Lumia 925 ! - I think it 's the 925 . I thought it was a funny and weird coincidence . Is it genetic ? I don 't know . Anyway , my father left me a voice mail as i didn 't answer to him . It took me twenty minutes to decide if i wanted to listen to it . I did . He just wanted to get my brother 's number as he changed his phone recently . Well , few months ago . Maybe i should 've answered … I don 't know . My mom is not so happy about it . She got upset when she heard about him contacting us . She started to yell at me like i was doing or did something wrong . I can understand that she dislike the fact that he want to be in our life just now but not before . But why screaming at me ? At us ? Like , it 's none of her business anymore . It 's our problem to solve . Whether we want or not him to be in our life . I know i wrote that letter about him , and said that it was useless now for him to make any effort , but i have to say , i was surprisingly confused by the call and the picture . And the voice mail . I feel like she can 't say anything about our ' relationship ' with him anymore as we are grown up now . Us being in touch with him has nothing to do with our relationship with her . It doesn 't diminish the fact that she was the one who stepped up when it was necessary , that she is the one who took care of us until now and that she is the reason why we are who we are . But i guess she doesn 't know that and that i might need to say it out loud … I 'm not good at expressing my feelings . We are Sunday . The last day of a long week . I 'm exhausted of working that hard for the last past month BUT it was worth it : i finally got a job that can be combined with school ! So the fatigue is a good fatigue : i chilled all week - end to gather back some energy and keep going ham for the rest of the year and beyond . Now i 'm going to sleep . 7 : 00 AM : An alarm rings suddenly , pulling me out of a weird dream where i was locked underground with strangers - but we knew each other , i don 't know how - and we were trying to save ourself from a zombie attack . Two of them came out of the dark trying to eat one of my friends from behind . I rushed towards them , knocked down the first one and strangle the second one until he couldn 't move no more . Then i let go of him , stood up and looked at the zombie i just killed : it was a human being … A man . 7 : 40 AM : i look at my phone to check the time : 7 : 40 … Too early . I set up an alarm on my phone , fell on my couch and take a nap . 8 : 05 AM : An alarm goes on . I wake up faster than before . I grab my bag and leave my appartment . I open the door of my building and face the fresh air of a motorcycle . I cough and start to walk slowly toward the tramway . 8 : 15 AM : Music in my ears , i arrive at the Victory Station . The tram arrive at the same time . Nice timing . I go inside and let myself drive for two station . 8 : 21 AM : I get down and head to an other tram station to catch a different one . As i get closer to the station , i check how long it 's going to come . 2 min . 8 : 23 AM : The tram arrive . I look inside to check if there is not any controller . I see a first man with a white shirt , black suit pants and a bag on his side . I start to get nervous . Then i see an other one . My nervousity grows . I keep checking . The doors open and i stared at them leaving the tram . They were just random workers . Pfiuuuu . I take the tram and let myself drive away with other students . 8 : 38 AM : I get down at my final station . I look up to check the time . 8 : 38 : i have time . I walk really slowly . Ahead of me , i see two of my co - workers . They walk fast - at least faster than me - and i don 't want to catch up on them . With me , there are economics students that are going toward their university . 8 : 50 AM : The door rings , i open it and disappear behind it . I open an other door . A woman is sitting behind a desk busy at cleaning all the papers that was left there . I say : ' Goodmorning ! ' . She reply : ' Hello . How are you ? ' I smile at her : ' I 'm fine , and you ? ' She just nods and whispers : ' Thanks ' . Then i enter in the next room where my boss and a co - worker work : ' Goodmorning ! ' They look up at me and reply in choir . I leave them at their job , cross a small passage and make my entrance in a larger room where most of the employee work . I scream : ' GOOD MORNING ! ' because of the noise they make . They all turn to me and wave , nod or say ' hi ' . I leave them to put my stuff in the locker room and to put my blouse on . 11 : 06 AM : I start to get hungry . My stomach makes noises and my right hand tremble a little bit . My mind can 't stop thinking about what i 'm about to eat : some fat Mac Donalds . 12 : 10 PM : I wait in the line to order my food . Therer a lot of high school students . I never noticed there was an high school just right in front of this Mac Donalds . They are well placed . 12 : 04 PM : An employee come to me : ' Hi ! I 'm here to take your order and you will pay at the checkout , right in front of you . ' I nod and order a menu maxi best of Mc Chicken with fries and Coke . She registers everything and a tiket comes out of her little machine . I take it and wait again . 12 : 06 PM : I give my ticket to the girl who works at the checkout . She asks me : ' Is it to go ? ' I shake my head and she starts to prepare my tray . 12 : 38 PM : I finish my ' plate ' and push it a lil further on the table . I put a book out of my bag with a pencil and a gum . Then i start to draw . 6 : 55 PM : I am at home . I put my bag on the floor next to the couch . turn on my computer and the TV . I open my window to ventilate my room . I go to the kitchen to grab something to eat and to drink , bring it all in the main room of this small cosy appartment and fall on my couch . I 'm checking my mails , my sites . Wow ! Lots of comments . Nice . I answer to some of them . The next day , around one o ' clock in the afternoon , someone caught me drawing . The girl was joigned by her friends and they started to talk to me for twenty minutes . At the end of it , i gave them my card and left . When i think about it , it 's pretty much how my days are now . Except that i will be more focuse on what i do . So my to - do list is reachable . All I need to do now is be focus … Argh , not today : i love my lazyness .
|
This is a picture of a red - bellied woodpecker . I had always questioned why they were named that as the main thing that I notice when they come to visit our feeders is that they have a red head . . . or course the red - headed woodpecker has a much redder head ! In this last picture that I took this afternoon while sitting on our porch shows some red feathers on its belly ! This is the first time that I have ever seen the red on the belly . I sat for quite a while this afternoon and watched the birds . I am always amazed by how many birds come to visit our feeders while we are sitting there so close . . . and just amazed at the variety that come . I guess they have figured out that we aren 't a threat . I 'm also glad that I can silence the electronic shutter button on my camera . . . that way they don 't hear me clicking away with the camera . I spent some time this morning cleaning the school room . I had pretty much left the school room alone since our intruder had been in there . I had cleaned up the mess that he ( intruder ) made , but hadn 't cleaned up the art mess that the children had made one afternoon . So today I remade the bed that had been unmade since the last sleepover and cleaned up the remnants of an art project or two . I also vacuumed so it is is pretty good shape once again . I folded a large load of towels and got them put back in their proper places . After that I decided that I " deserved " some time on the porch . I finished filling bird feeders . Yesterday I took one down and cleaned it really well and had to wait till it was dry to fill it and hang it back up . The hanging up part of the job was Woody 's . The birds and the squirrels are thanking me for all the new seed , etc . that is out there . They were definitely flying in this afternoon to check things out and enjoy a seed or two or . . . I even saw a little chipmunk out there this morning eating seeds that had fallen to the ground . Woody has spent quite a bit of time outside today . . . another great day to spend outside . The high for today has only been in the 70 's . . . just beautifI think that I am going to go read or maybe watch something on my iPad . . . time to put my feet up ! What a beautiful day ! When Woody went on his walk early this morning , he needed a sweatshirt . The humidity is even low . . . a very , very pretty day . Woody had his usual busy Monday . He went to the Life Care Center and had Bible study with Jeff and then visited with several church members who are residents there . This afternoon he mowed a little . And , this evening he went to the Monday night prayer meeting at church . I feel like I have done nothing . . . and really haven 't done a lot . I started studying for the Sunday School lesson for this coming Sunday . I did manage to gather all the thread spools together and get them put in their appropriate place . . . lots out due to so many sewing projects . . . all kinds . . . regular sewing and embroidery thread spools . They are stored in various places . . . drawers , plastic cases , and with projects . Good job done and my sewing machine table looks lots better without all the tangled thread that kept catching on things ! Look Who 's Eight ( Almost ) ! ( Oops looks like this didn 't post correctly last night ! ) So this was Friday 's post and Saturday 's is below this one ! We celebrated Elijah 's eighth birthday today after lunch . We celebrated a bit early as he and his entire family will be on a mission trip to Poland on his actual birthday . In the bottom picture I 'm not sure if Isaac is singing to Elijah or attempting to blow out the candle before Elijah gets a chance to blow ! I think he is actually singing . . . but it does look a bit suspicious ! Woody got up early and walked during a dry spell from Cindy . We got lots more rain at various times during the day . . . but had no threatening weather , as in tornados , etc . Goosey ( Woody ) took Abigail to the orthodontist as she had a bracket come loose . After the orthodontist appointment , Abigail and Goosey headed off to do our weekly errands . They went to the library , Aldis , Kroger , and WalMart . I got up and started to sew on a project that Elijah asked me yesterday to do for him . He wanted an over the shoulder carrying bag for one of his electronic hand - held games . He and I discussed what he wanted yesterday and then he helped me make a " sketch . " Last night I chose lettering to put his first two initials on it ( EZ ) . This morning I got busy trying to find the right fabric scraps and then attempt to make this item without a pattern . I am a person who really likes to follow a pattern that someone else makes . . . but this worked out pretty well . I worked on it this morning before Elijah 's party and then again this afternoon . I took it over to him a little before supper time . And , it worked for what he wanted . . . something to help him keep track of it on their travels . A few minutes ago , he brought me a shirt that needed some mending before it could be packed ! So I guess that this was an Elijah sewing day . Woody has an uncanny ability to find four - leaf clovers just by standing above a patch and spotting the one and only four - leaf clover in that patch . I don 't remember him ever bringing in a " sprig " of clover that has two four - leaf clovers on it . I think that it was a first for him . He put them in a bowl of water so they would survive for me to see them . I decided that they were photo worthy ! Woody walked early this morning . Later in the morning he went to the library and visited church members who are in the local hospital . He has read , done puzzles , and watched TV . I got up with intentions to clean up sewing messes created by my pillow making spree and also from Elijah 's carry case that I made yesterday . Well , as so often happens I got a bit distracted while putting things away . I ended up making plans for my next sewing project rather than getting everything put away . I still want to get all the embroidery thread and regular sewing thread that seems to have exploded all over my sewing room . I did " almost " get my sewing cutting table cleared off before I put possible fabrics for this new sewing project on it . The sewing table is hardly ever cleared for very long ! As soon as I publish this I am going to go over my notes for tomorrow 's Sunday School lesson . Posted by I sit on the glider rocker most of the time . . . puts me in the center of the action , I guess ! But it also lets me have a camera or two next to me either on the seat or on one of the tables next to me . The two smaller " lumbar pillows " were made by appliquing designs from one of the other fabrics onto the base stripe fabric . I really like this stripe fabric . It reminds me of paint brush strokes . The larger pillow in the middle is a good way to use an old bed pillow . . . I just made a pillow sham to go over one of our old squished pillows . . . just right to go behind one 's back and not be to thick ! The flowers that I appliqued onto the one pillow came from the fabric that I had left from the last time I made porch pillows . That flowered fabric is on the back of most of the pillows . Above is the pillow that I did machine embroidery on . When I got this machine embroidery design a year or two back I imagined it being used on a pillow on the porch . . . from imagining to reality ! This design is a rendition of the Mola art form of the Kuna Indians of Panama . Here is the rocker that I bought the cushions for and it has the " porch sweet porch " pillow on it that my sister gave me last year for my birthday ( I think ) . Also take note of the thermometer on the table next to this chair . I took this picture after lunch today . . . and it was 69 . 6 . . . Cindy has brought us a lot of rain and kept the temperatures lower . . . pretty humid out there , though ! Woody went to a retirement party for one of his former co - workers today . He enjoyed getting to see a lot of the folk from work once again . They met at lunch time at University of Tennessee Space Institute which is fairly close to Arnold Air Force Base where all these folk work and / or worked . Elijah came over after lunch to tell us that we are going to celebrate his birthday tomorrow . They will be on mission in Poland on his actual birthday . Before Poland they will be flying into Iceland and staying a couple of days before flying to Poland . Talk about world tavelers ! I went out on the front porch with Elijah and we sat and talked for a while and watched the birds fly in to eat at the two feeders . We couldn 't believe how many different kinds of birds we saw in a very short time . Woody came out to join us and tried out the rocker with the new bought cushions . He says that that rocker sits pretty well . I sat for quite a while and took bird pictures after I took pictures of the front porch for the blog tonight . . . I know that Cheryl , my sister , has been wanting to see pictures . . . so here they are for all to see who read this ! Now Cheryl just needs to figure out when she can come see us so she can " set a spell " on the front porch . . . one of her favorite places to be when she visits from Arizona . I made simmer steak for supper tonight . Shortly after Woody finished eating , he went next door to " set a spell " with the grandchildren while their parents went on a date . He did take an early morning walk this morning . . . hoping to beat the rains of Cindy . . . but the rain had already started even though he was up and out quite early . I 'm not sure how much rain we have gotten due to Cindy . . . but quite a bit . It had stopped for a while , but started up again a while ago . I think that we are supposed to get more from her tomorrow . And the way was served wasn 't at a tea party . . . as you can tell by tonight 's photo ! All I can say is that this is a first . . . I have never been subpoenaed before . Looks like I will be driving over to Manchester next week . They had an incident the day before yesterday at the building where I have to go . . . two sherrifs were shot and injured by an escaping prisoner who was there for a hearing . I guess that the building will probably be safer next week than it was earlier this week ! I now know the name of our intruder . The sherrif who served me with the subpoena said when he handed me the paper and told me that I had been served . . . that he guessed that I knew the person named on the paper . I told him that this was the first time that I had heard or seen his name , but that I assumed that he was the person who had broken into our house last week . After the formality of serving me the paper , Woody , the sherrif , and I had a pleasant talk . He just lives a couple of streets over from us and he was hoping that our neighborhoods weren 't going to start having problems with crime . We also talked about the incident at the Coffee County Justice Center where a prisoner shot at two sherrif deputies injuring both and escaping and ultimately turning the gun on himself and killing himself and we also talked about two escaped prisoners from Georgia who had escaped after killing two officers . . . those escapees ended up in a nearby town and held a couple hostage for several hours before stealing a car and going over to another community not far away and they ultimately gave themselves up to a civilian . Too much crime ! TOO CLOSE ! ! ! Anyway , I guess I will have a " day in court . " Woody walked early this morning . He included the local Farmer 's Market on his walk and came home with terragon to add to our herb garden . He filled a pot with dirt and I planted our latest herbal addition . He also cut oregano this morning as it was starting to go to seed . I will need to dry it . . . just haven 't had time since he cut it . He worked in the yard some this morning . I continue to plug along with the pillows for our front porch . I got another one made this morning and it is now outside on the rocker that I cleaned before placing it . Just one more pillow and then I will be finished with the front porch sewing and cleaning project . This afternoon Donna and I worked in the library for a couple of hours . We finished reading the shelves . . . so for the moment books are in their correct places on the shelves . I came home and rested for a little while and then made Caprese Salads for our supper . I guess it is time for me to go load the dishwasher . Happy first day of SUMMER ! It 's been rather warm and quite humid here as a starter to this season . We have stayed pretty busy this last day of Spring 2017 . Woody was in and out a lot during the day . . . when he was out , he was mowing . He did his good deed for the day = mowed the neighbor 's ( Nathan and Kathy 's ) front yard . Later in the day he made Cole Slaw ( I think . . . anyway I think I heard the food processor going and now there is a container in the fridge that he usually puts slaw in . ) And , I can 't ask him as he has disappeared . I guess he has walked to the prayer room at church . The reason that I don 't know exactly what is going on is that I have had my sewing machine going this afternoon . And when I am machine embroidering it is hard to hear what is going on . But considering that it is Tuesday , I 'm pretty sure that he has gone to the prayer room and I just didn 't hear him tell me that he was going . . . all lights are off downstairs so that usually indicates that he has gone farther than just out in the yard ! I decided that it was time to do a little cleaning . . . so this morning I vacuumed the downstairs and even got out the spot cleaning machine and did some spot cleaning . In the afternoon I " played " with my iPad trying to figure out what to do with the photos stored on it . I really try not to use the iPad for photos and / or photo storage . . . but none the less the photos end up stacking up . Today I found out a way to let Google store them for me on an app that they offer so decided to try it . All my iPad photos are now backed up and stored in the Google photo app . . . and I have decided to delete them from my iPad to free up space . Even if there is a problem with this method of storing them I won 't lose much . . . as anything I really wanted I have transferred over the laptop and then onto my passport hard drive . I don 't like taking pictures with the iPad and the main ones that I save are either screen shots or photos that others send me . I think that this new method will work . I had been thinking about deleting a lot of them and this way I will still have them . . . just not stored directly on the iPad . Guess I 'll see if it works ! Just before blogging I completed the embroidery design that I am going to use on one of the pillows for the front porch . That was a major step as it took more than an hour of machine embroidery to get it finished . Now I just have to decide exactly how big I want the pillow and then cut it to size and then cut a back the same size . . . stitch it up and then stuff it . . . and one more will be done with only one more to go after that . I never had time today to sit on the front porch . I I guess I 'll go and see what I can do about organizing the pictures in this new app . . . supposed to be easy . . . we 'll see ! Enjoy the last hours of Spring . . . Summer is hot on Spring 's heels ! See if you can spot the bee in tonight 's photo ! We have been busy , busy , busy ! Before I even thought about getting up Woody walked four miles early this morning . And , at some time , unbeknownst to me , he started working on cleaning the oven . I mentioned yesterday that I had been meaning to clean the oven for some time and had just never found the time to do it . Usually I don 't think about doing it until I am putting something in the oven to cook it and that isn 't the time to clean it ! Anyway , I was really surprised when I went to put the racks back in the oven that it was on its way to be cleaned . . . he had scrubbed it with Brillo pads . . . he didn 't remember that we had the no - fume oven cleaner . He got a really good start on it and it was starting to look much cleaner . . . then I sprayed the oven and left it on for several hours and then I wiped it clean the rest of the way . . . it is as good as it is going to get and it looks ever so much better ! I guess I have been " meaning to " clean the oven for six months as the neighbors ( Nathan , Kathy and children ) gave me a silicone sheet to put on the bottom of the oven so all you have to do is pull the sheet out and clean it when there is a spill over . . . that was given to me at Christmas . . . I didn 't want to put it in till the floor of the oven was clean . . . so at last it is and the silicone sheet is in place ! Today was the day that my Sunday School Class was doing an after - the - funeral - lunch for a class member and her family . We needed enough food to feed between 40 - 50 . We have such a wonderful class . . . and we aren 't all that large of a class . . . so to pull that size of a meal off might have been daunting for some . . . but not our class . . . all rose to the occasion . . . all it took was a few emails back and forth to have the matter taken care of . We live just across the street and down a house or two from where we were to deliver the food . I had asked Woody to help because several members had dropped off their food for me to deliver since they work . I needed him for another reason as I was limping around a bit . . . another gout attack happened oveShortly after we got back from delivering the food , Woody headed off to the Life Care Center to have Bible study with Jeff and also visit other church members there . While he was gone I decided that it was time for me to do some more cleaning on the front porch . I wanted to clean one of the rockers really well , as I was expecting new cushions to be delivered for it this afternoon . Not long after I finished with cleaning the rocker , the UPS truck dropped off the new cushions . I quickly put them in place and am pleased with the new look . When I get the last two pillows made I will take a picture of the porch and post it on the blog . While I was still cleaning , Woody headed off to the pharmacy to pick up prescriptions for both of us . I had been putting off getting a refill on my gout " rescue drug " till I was almost completely out as this medication is quite expensive . . . as long as I had enough on stand - by I didn 't need to have a lot of extra on hand ( was hoping that I wouldn 't be needing it as much since my blood work results were so much better ) . The way I am to take this drug is one every twelve hours until the gout attack is over or till unpleasant side effects start . Looks like I will be able to stop taking it after this evening 's dose if all is good in the morning . I am to the point that I hardly know that I have a problem . Yesterday I was constantly reminded due to the pain in my foot . Glad that the rescue drug is working ! Woody returned a while ago from tonight 's Monday Night Prayer Meeting at church . And , we are all settled in for the evening . I " think " that tomorrow will be a bit calmer than today was . Maybe I will be able to sit in the rocker with the new chair pads for a while in the morning and enjoy what are supposed to be cooler temperatures . I did " feed " my plants today and fed our birds . . . new suet cake and fresh bird seed in the feeder . So perhaps my camera and I will sit and watch which birds come for a treat . What could be more fun on a summery afternoon than two little boys with BIG squirt guns ? They were having the best time and it really got fun when one of their big sisters joined in . . . but she only had a little squirt gun ! Wonder who got the wettest ! I kept reminding them that I had a camera and not to shoot me . . . and I didn 't get wet at all ! They were having too much fun getting their sister ! Woody got up and walked first thing this morning . Later in the morning he headed off to the library , the Credit Union , and WalMart . He has been spending quite a bit of time reading the last few days . He has two of this year 's Newberry Award winners . I know that he finished one yesterday and has been reading the second one today . Lately the Newberry Award winners have been in the fantasy genre . . . not exactly his favorite type of book ! He didn 't care for the first one that he read , but he said that the one he is reading now is much better . I continue to be on the recieving end of emails about the meal that we are getting together for a friend 's family . The challenge this time is getting it together for between 40 - 50 people ! But as always our class is coming through and I don 't think that her family will go hungry ! I am going to cook a ham and make many , many deviled eggs . The eggs are cooked and peeled and awaiting deviling . . . I will finish them Monday morning just before taking them to the family . I plan to bake the ham tomorrow so it will be refrigerated and ready for them to slice when they eat . The rest of the food is up to the rest in our class ! After peeling a lot of eggs this morning , I had to do a little shopping . The shopping trip didn 't start out the best . . . just before my turn to check out I went to pull out my billfold and I didn 't have it . Woody had given me some money and I hadn 't getten it back in my purse ! Luckily they hadn 't started checking me out and we just stacked up my things and I told the check - out person that I would be back shortly and to please set aside what I planned to purchase . ( I 'm so glad that I wasn 't at WalMart where I was planning to buy a lot more . . . this store was easier to leave and come back . ) Off I went , found my wallet on the kitchen table and off I went again on my shopping " spree ! " I got back to the store , paid for my purchases and headed off to Walmart . I don 't shop often . . . I had been adding things to a list for a while and just hadn 't made it to the store so I had several things on my list . . . the birds will be happy ( seeds and suet cakes ) , my plants will be happy ( plant food ) , and on and on . . . I made my purchases and headed back home . By the time I got home I was about beat , but had planned to cook a slab of spare ribs that Woody had bought yesterday . I prepared them with a dry rub and popped them in a slow oven for a couple of hours . After I got all the spices for the rub back in the cabinets , I headed upstairs and immediately ( just about ) fell asleep upon sitting down ! I slept till just a few minutes beforLois These two little Carolina Chickadees and several others in a flock entertained Woody and me for a while a couple of days ago while we sat on the front porch . They were really looking out for each other . . . " talking " away to each other and even feeding each other seeds . Looks like they were very good friends ! Woody went for a four - mile walk this morning . Later in the morning he did our now weekly grocery shopping at Aldis and Kroger . He also made cookies for the neighbors ( Nathan , Kathy and family ) . I was in a reading mood at the start of the day . I finished an e - book last night and had another in the wings that I need to go on and read or they will whisk it away from me in about a week . Around noon , I got a call from one of Tullahoma 's finest . . . one of the policemen who arrested " my " intruder last Saturday . He was completing the arrest form and needed to know exactly what prescription meds were in Woody 's weekly pill container that the intruder " happened " to have in his pocket after he was aprehended . They needed to know how many pills of each were in the pill box and whose prescriptions they were . I gave him the information that he needed and then asked him a couple of questions . I found out that the young man is in jail in the Coffee County Jail and that he was in his 20 's . Several people had asked me how old he was and I had guessed late teens to mid 20 's . . . so I got pretty close . I spent some time this afternoon organizing a meal for one of our Sunday School members whose mother passed away this week . I also chose thread to sew out a machine embroidery design for one of the porch pillows . And , I just remembered that I have clothes in the drier that need to come out . That about sums up what I have done today . Nathan put together Elijah 's birthday present while the rest of the family was at Vacation Bible School . He and several of his siblings tried it out this afternoon . It 's what , I think , is called a " pitch back . " It is taught mesh attached to a metal frame that the children can throw balls at and they bounce baPosted by War has been declared between me and either this fella pictured or one of his many relatives that roam the trees in our yard . Just before I came up to blog , I happened to notice that a rascally squirrel had taken up a perch in our bird feeder . . . our new feeder lets them lounge while eating . I love to pull the front door open quickly and scare our uninvited guest . Boy can they jump quite a distance into a bush . . . but then they just sort of shuffle off and hide behind either a branch or tree trunk till I have my back turned once again . Sneaky little fellas . . . rather bold at times too . Oh , well , I guess I have some bird food that I can share with them . . . but I much prefer birds at our feeders ! Woody went for a four - mile walk this morning . . . trying to get his walk in while it was still slightly cool even if muggy . He has worked on this laptop today trying to defrag and delete really old emails , etc . I guess trying to encourage it to speed up . . . and it was acting a bit better just now when I logged on . He went next door late afternoon to " grandchildren sit " while their parents went on their Thursday evening date . While he was over there , Elijah 's birthday present was delivered so I have a feeling that he got Graham to work on getting it put together . Woody has just walked back in so I guess I will find out what Elijah thought about his gift . Elijah is getting his gift early since they will be in Poland on his birthday . I spent most of the morning working on Sunday 's Sunday School lesson . This afternoon we had a storm blow through so it was a good afternoon to read a good book . Woody thinks that he brought the rain since he watered a couple of things with the watering can earlier in the day . The gardens are once again happy since they got rained upon this afternoon . This little Carolina Wren was just singing its little heart out yesterday while I was sitting on the front porch . . . serenaded me with a very sweet song ! tToday I worked on cleaning up the front porch some more . Got the glider love seat ready for the first sest of pillows that I have made . I ordered cushions online for one of the rockers and still have two more pillows to make . Then the front porch will be all spruced up . After lunch , I headed off to work in the church library for a couple of hours . We are getting close to being finished with reading the shelves . I finished the fiction today and found several problems . . . one of the reasons that it is good to carefully look at the order the books are on the shelves every so often . Trying to keep the doors locked even though Bonnaroo is over ! There is so much coming in and out that it is hard to have it locked all the time . I have convinced Woody to make sure that it is locked if he goes out walking early when I am asleep . Today I will admit to jumping when Elijah came into the kitchen and I didn 't hear him come in ! A welcome intruder this time ! It 's been a hot day here in Middle Tennessee . Even the birds are looking for puddles made by the sprinkler so they can cool off ! Woody decided to walk early while it was still in the 70 's . He walked to and from the prayer room at church . . . had his prayer room time early instead of after supper . On my way home from getting my hair cut , the bank thermometer said that it was 91 and that made me look at what the car said that the temperature was and the car said 90 . . . close enough . . . and either were hot ! I stayed in most of the day except for heading out to get my hair cut . I am working on the third pillow for our front porch sonce I finished the first two last night . I did do a little cleaning today . . . but not enough to notice . . . unless you are me and know that I did it ! Woody did do some watering of the gardens early this morning . . . the watering still hasn 't brought any rain . . . maybe we need to wash the car ! Posted by I was thankful for a quiet day in our neighborhood . . . at least as far as I know it was quiet . A good morning to sit on the front porch and take pictures of our neighborhood birds ! I love the markings on the red headed woodpeckers . They are pretty when they fly too . . . you see a white band when they fly away . This one is checking in on each of you , my blog readers ! Woody walked four - miles this morning . He also got out the sprinkler and hose and watered some of our gardens . . . figuring that watering would make it rain . . . so far it hasn 't ! I did a little watering today too . He went to the Life Care Center to have Bible study with Jeff and then visited several church members who either reside there or are there for rehab . When he got home he made a recipe of his Crispy Quinoa Burgers . . . rather a messy job . But he now has some in the refrigerator when he feels like a " burger . " This evening he went to Monday night prayer meeting and stopped at the public library on his way home . He picked up a couple of this year Newberry Award winner / honor books . Oh , and shortly we should have a whole new car . . . we got notified of another recall on our 2014 Ford Fusion today . Woody called the dealership about it and they told him to bring it on in as it was a quick fix . . . something to do with the front seat seatbelts . And , it must have been a quick fix as he wasn 't away very long at all . I cut out the back for a front porch pillow and have it pinned to the front . . . now to get it to the sewing machine . Then I will be ready to stuff it and have another pillow done . I just don 't have much inclination to do much of anything today . It has been quite hot today and " maybe " that is what has sapped all my energy . It definitely feels like summer today . Posted by The Little League closing ceremonies were held this morning after the championship game . Elijah 's team was beaten last night so his team was out of the running . The Mets won the championship this year . Each year one boy from each team is awarded a Sportsmanship Award . Elijah was chosen this year from his team the Giants . He was also chosen to play on the All - Star coach pitch team , but won 't be able to be on the team due to all the Dazzling Dorrell travels this summer for their ministry . Way to go , Elijah ! ( Last year Elijah got the Sportsmanship Award from a different coach and for a different team . ) We are very proud of the thoughtful young man that he is turning out to be ! Even in a quiet neighborhood like ours . . . a little after 7 : 30 this morning this is what our street looked like . . . four police cars in front of Nathan and Kathy 's house and one across the street from us . Around 7 : 30am I had quite a fright . I was dozing off after a night of not much sleep . . . though I was awake enough to hear someone come up our stairs . . . but I didn 't think anything about it . . . just thought that it was Woody or one of the grandchildren . Then I started hearing things being dumped out and a loud racket coming from the school room . At first I thought that it was the children dumping out some of their K ' nex building pieces . . . but when it continued and I didn 't hear any giggling or talking , I began to get a bit concerned . I was pretty sure that there was an intruder . I had no idea where Woody was ( He was on his daily walk and hadn 't said that he was leaving because he knew that I was trying to go back to sleep ) . My brain started trying to figure out just what I should do . . . being upstairs there really wasn 't an escape route ( maybe I could have gotten down the stairs if he had stayed in the school room ) . . . so had to think just what to do . My phone wasn 't close so at that moment dialing 911 wasn 't in my brain . I was standing in front of my dresser , not in direct view when you come down the hallway to come into our bedroom , and trying to decide if I should hurry and close the bedroom door and lock it . . . when an arm came around the door frame and then a face appeared ! Well , I just started hollering at him as loud as I could ( my throat is still a little scratchy ! ) to get out of my house . . . and I praise God he did retreat . As I hollered at him over and over again to get out of my house , he was heading down the stairs and saying that he was leaving and that all he needed was a ride somewhere and that he had hurt his leg ( this story changed a bit to each officer that he talked to later ) . I just kept forcefully telling him to get out of my house . . . and for someone with a hurt leg . . . he retreated quite quickly . I did mention The police came over and talked to me and were each and every one very , very kind . One came in and saw what the perpetrator had gone through in the school room . . . he had thrown the paper cutter down on the floor , had pulled out all the containers of paint and the paint brushes , and taken things off the top of the computer desk . . . strange items to go through and throw around . . . but I guess when you are probably looking for drugs and / or money you will look anywhere ? The police asked me about a weekly container of pills that they found on this young man . I went and checked and Woody 's container was missing from its spot . They then showed it to me and it was Woody 's ( nothing taken from it ) . Later we found out that he had picked up a baby bottle that is on our kitchen table that we are putting change into for a fund raiser for a local crisis pregnancy center . I later found that in Nathan and Kathy 's recycle bin on the side of their house . Woody is the one who discovered that it was missing because when he came home from his walk , he had change to put in it and it wasn 't on the table . I guess all 's well that ends well ! The police are pretty sure that he was someone who was passing through from Bonnaroo . . . a huge rock concert type venue on the order of Woodstock in the days of yore ! Bonnaroo takes place in Manchester , TN at this time each year . The town grows by thousands and thousands for those few days . Manchester is about 20 min . away by car . The story does go on a bit as a while later police cars started showing up on our street again . . . two police cars and later a sheriff 's car . Then two policemen came back and were walking through the yards obviously looking for something . When they got to our yard they said that they were looking for a set of keys . They had found a stollen car that had been abandoned in a nearby church parking lot . The police figured the stollen car and our break in were related . We have come out of this none the worse for wear . . . at least I think we have . One of the policemen said that the young man would be getting jail time due to the fact that he entered our house uninvited ( made no difference that doors were unlocked ) and also took drugs from us and that what he had done was a felony . I just hope that he can get off the drugs that he was pretty obviously on ( both police and Nathan said that he was pretty " spaced out " on something . . . hope that jail time will get him off the drugs and that he will come to his senses and clean his act up . . . but . . . guess only time will tell . I am just thankful that he was very docile on drugs . . . as I easily scared him out of the house and he made no resistance to the police arresting him . Not your typical day in OUR neighborhood ! And , the Rest of the Day ? Well , the rest of the day for us was pretty mundane . I had a hard time spending much time in the house after the break in . I sat out on the porch for quite a while today . . . even attempted to put the finishing touches on tomorrow 's Sunday School lesson out on the porch . . . but . . . hard to wrap my head around anything at the moment ! Woody and I had fun watching a large flock of chickadees take turns at the feeder and then a group of nuthatches came also . Relaxing watching the birds ! Woody went on to the library for his usual Saturday visit . He has spent quite a bit of time mowing . And , I 'm going to go downstairs as soon as I hit the publish button and make sure that the doors are ALL locked ! What was your day like ? I hope you had less of an adrenalin rush than I ! ! ! We 're going to head to the ball park in a few minutes ! Elijah 's team pulled off a win from a team that they hadn 't beaten all season . . . so the Giants are still in the play - offs ! Woody did our now weekly grocery shopping . He went to Kroger , Aldis and WalMart . . . busy morning . This afternoon he went to visit a boy in his Sunday School class who hadn 't been to class in a while . Joseph spent some time with this morning . We ended up reading a new library book that Goosey ( Woody ) had gotten at the library last week . We read it at least three times ! After lunch , I worked on the next pillow for the front porch . . . the top is now ready for a back . Joy and I got shoes this afternoon at our local shoe store that still measures your feet ! I love shoe shopping there . Of course I have known the owner since she was a child . Elijah ate supper with us . Abigail didn 't go to VBS with her family tonight and has stayed at home . Heading over to get her in a minute . The boys ( Goosey and Elijah ) are having batting practice . I will end saying : " " GO GIANTS ! " Posted by I 'm going to post early as we will be heading off to the ball park shortly . Elijah and Graham just finished eating supper with us as they are the only of the Dazzling Dorrells in town at the moment . Their family continues to do a Vacation Bible School in a neighboring town . Tonight is the first game for Elijah 's team in a single elimination tournament . . . so if they win they will play tomorrow night . . . if they lose the ball season is over for his team . Woody had a meeting in downtown Tullahoma today so he chose the walk there and back as his exercise for the day . He said that he did the tiniest amount of yard work . . . guess he was taking a well deserved break from all his weeding and mulching ! I have the top of the next pillow for our front porch ready for the sewing machine . Isaac spent some time over here this afternoon . He has a funny joke that he learned at camp . He says : " Look under there . " And , you say : " Under where ? " and then he cracks up laughing that you said : " Underwear ! " Besides joke telling , he read four stories from his Dick and Jane book . He hasn 't forgotten how to read so far in his summer time off ! As Woody said , " They just don 't make days much more perfect than today . " The perfect day for him to finish up weeding and mulching the shared flower garden between our house and Nathan and Kathy 's . He also said , " I wonder what I will do tomorrow ! " He has been concentrating on getting this garden finished for such a long time that he hasn 't had many other plans for what to do next in the yard . He went on two walks today . He took one this morning and ended up cutting it short when he found a turtle that he brought back to the grandchildren . He went on his second walk after supper and this time walked his full four miles . He figures that he walked a total of six miles on both walks . I have the first pillow for the front porch stuffed . I wanted to stuff it and see if I liked the size before I made another the same size . I have been looking at sites online that sell outdoor pillows deciding on what size to make the ones for our porch . I found some called " lumbar pillows " and that is the size that I made first . Those sounded like the ones that I want for the love seat glider . . . to go behind my back when I sit in it . I will make two that size and then several others that are a larger size . I went to the church library after lunch and worked for a couple of hours . We continued to check to see if the books are in their proper place and I got started on our next book order . I checked the computer to make sure that we didn 't have any of the books that I was ordering . I came home and fixed our supper . While it was in the oven , I went outside and deadheaded some of the flowers , and attempted to take pictures of the finished garden . It wasn 't the best time of the day to take them due to the direction that the sun was coming from . I used the shade of Nathan 's house to help me take them . This is a hard garden to take pictures of . . . it is much prettier in person . The pinks , blues , purples and oranges just don 't show up as well as I want them to . Graham is going to attempt to take pictures of it from up in the air with his drone tomorrow . We 'll see how well it photographs from the air . I 'll share some of Graham 's pictures if they turn out and we figure out how to transfer them to me . We 've had a rather busy day today . Woody did a lot of weeding and mulching today on the same garden . He 's now working on Nathan and Kathy 's side of the garden . I did a bit more gadabouting than usual . This morning our Sunday School class had a brunch at the nome of one of our Sunday School members . We had a great time as usual . . . catching up , eating , and just enjoying each other 's company . Twelve of our class members were able to come this morning . It was a very pleasant day . . . temperature - wise and part of us ate out on the patio enjoying the cool after yesterday 's rains . Afterward I stopped and ran an errand . I can now stuff the pillows that I am making for the front porch . After I got back home I went over to Nathan and Kathy 's to check on Abigail . Abigail had gum surgery this morning . She seems to be doing well . The dentist used a laser so her recovery time is supposed to be quicker than conventional method . She had to have this surgery in order for her orthodontic work to be successful . Tonight Kathy , Nathan , Graham , Joy , Esther , and Isaac are off on another ministry event . . . this time for a Vacation Bible School in a neighboring town . Abigail didn 't feel like going so I said that I would stay with her . Elijah had a baseball practice and Woody said that he would take him to practice . And , Joseph fell asleep just prior to them leaving for the church so he ended up staying here too . I have been working on my Sunday School lesson while sitting here while children slept . Abigail had a good snooze . She is doing very well . . . enjoying her yogurt , ice cream , pudding , etc . Woody came over after Elijah 's practice and ended up taking Joseph out to swing before he went back home . While Elijah practiced , Woody went to the prayer room at church . He is now back home and I will be over here till the rest of the Dazzling Dorrells arrive back at their abode . This is the view out our bedroom window just a few minutes ago . And , as the title of tonight 's blog tells . . . there will be no game for Elijah 's team . Tonight was to be there last regular game of the season with a tournament to follow later in the week . It has been decided that tonight 's games won 't be made up so the tournament can begin as scheduled . Today I have been doing several household chores . . . mainly in the kitchen . We had a problem with the refrigerator over the weekend and had been working to right the problem . We think , at least for the moment , that the problem has been solved . I still think that something more is going to have to be done . . . but it is working and temperatures in both the freezer and refrigerator are back to where they are supposed to be . Woody discovered that we had a problem just prior to church yesterday morning so he quickly took frozen items next door and put them in one of their freezers . We brought them back today and all is well at the moment . I gave the counters a good cleaning and rearranged a couple of things . . . tried to place a cutting board in a different place . . . BUT . . . it just doesn 't belong on that side of the sink . . . so moved it back . . . but more away from the sink so that " perhaps " water won 't get under it ! This afternoon I dried some of the herbs that we are growing . I plan to go down and crumble them up and put them in their herb jars after I blog . I also made Blueberry Cream Cheese Bars . Our Sunday School Class is having a brunch in the morning and I am taking the bars as my share of the food . They are so good ! We always have many good things to eat when we get together . . . also lots of laughs . Woody got up early and worked on weeding and mulching the garden that is pictured above . . . isn 't it looking good ! It looks finished from this side of the garden , but he still has work to do on Nathan and Kathy 's side of the garden . He siad that it was REALLY humid while he was weeding . Kathy came over and commented on how humid it was when she walked this morning . I guess our air is really saturated due to all the rain that we have been having . So we will probably be in for steamy days ahead . . . typical Tennessee weather ! It wasn 't long after Woody came in that the rain started up again and it has rained off and on all day . . It had rained a lot last night and then several times in the night I heard it start up again . I think that we are going from drought conditions to flood conditions ! I am hoping that drought conditions will stay away even as we get into summer . Woody went to the Life Care Center this morning to have Bible Study with Jeff . He also walked around and tried to visit with several other friends who reside at Life Care . He also stopped at the library as he didn 't get to go on Saturday . The rain has kept Woody from taking a walk today . He left a few minutes ago to go to church for the Monday night prayer meeting . Now to sum up the day for me . . . I will tell a funny . Our grandson , Isaac , loves to have " jammie days " . . . sometimes he even comes over here to have school with me in his jammies because he has declared it a " jammie day . " Well , I realized a little while ago that today has been a " jammie day " for me . . . I hadn 't meant it to be . . . but . . . I went downstairs early to work on the refrigerator problem and then got busy on other things in the kitchen . I guess I was comfortable and just didn 't think about it . I realized it after lunch and started to get dressed . . . got my clothes out . . . BUT . . . got distracted by something and just never got dressed . . . I guess I would have gotten dressed if Elijah had had his ball game . . . but . . . didn 't have to ever go out of the house . . . so here I sit still in my jammies at the end of theLois After Woody 's meeting this morning , we headed off to pick up the girls . They had a double header in the hot afternoon sun . . . well , it was cloudy for part of the time . . . but it was still HOT ! The games were kept on schedule so they started when they were supposed to and on the last game the ump said that we would play five more minutes and then it would be over . . . and when the five minutes were up we were ahead ! ! ! Their team won both games . They were pretty happy on the ride back to our house . We have had supper and now Esther is wanting to know what bedtime snack is going to be ! I 'm not sure that my brain can wrap around meals AND snacks ! It 's a tradition at their house to have a bedtime snack . . . so guess it is going to be carried on to our house . I suggested popcorn and Esther reminded me that Joy can 't have popcorn because of her braces . So . . . guess that it may have to be cherry yogurt . . . don 't know how exciting that will sound to them . . . but at the moment this grammy needs something simple ! I feel like I played a double header ! Tonight 's middle picture shows Esther getting ready to steal from first base after she walked . She walked three times and scored all three times . Joy made two base hits and crossed home plate to score on one of those hits . Well , I guess I am off to figure out bedtime snack . We 're going to read the book that Esther and I have been reading in school for their bedtime story . I hope that my eyes stay open long enough to read to them ! This morning Goosey ( Woody ) , Elijah , and I headed off around 6 : 45 to meet up with Kathy . Once again we were meeting at the half - way mark between here and where the Dazzling Dorrells are ministering at a camp that is two hours away . We made plans to meet back up with Kathy and Elijah late this afternoon to bring Elijah back for tonight 's game . We were part way to our meeting place this afternoon when Kathy called and said that they had a change in plans . In the end we turned around and came back home and Kathy and Elijah drove all the way back to Tullahoma . The game got over a while ago and Kathy and Elijah are back on the road again to go back to camp . Elijah has made good friends at camp and wants to spend Saturday with them . Elijah 's team , the Giants , lost both last night 's game and tonight 's . . . but they held their own playing against the two top teams . They came away from both games with their heads held high ! Woody did our Friday grocery shopping at Aldis and Krogers today after we got home from our early morning journey . We stopped at Aldis on the way back from taking Elijah this morning . So I actually participated in some of our grocery shopping today . Woody has a meeting in the morning and will probably go to the library after the meeting before we hit the road again . . . this time going to pick up Joy and maybe Esther . Esther has made good friends at the camp so is reluctant to leave them to come back to Tullahoma to play softball . We 're not sure if we will be taking Joy ( and Esther if she comes ) back to the half - way meeting spot or if she / they will stay with us till their family returns to Tullahoma on Sunday . I don 't know how the Dazzling Dorrells do all their trips . I know that my head is spinning just from the few that we have made this week ! Woody got the phone call around noon that our Ford Fusion door latch recall was fixed . I guess you could say . . . perfect timing . . . as we needed to head off to pick up Elijah for his ball game tonight . Kathy and Elijah met us half - way between where they are ministering at a camp and our house . It was about an hour drive for both vehicles . We got Elijah and turned around and headed home and Kathy headed back to the camp . This week has been an especially busy week for the Dazzling Dorrells . . . both having to do lots of programs and other duties along with trying to get Elijah , Joy and Esther to their games back here . . . a two hour drive one way if going from camp to the games . Elijah will spend the night with us and then we will take him back to the half - way point early in the morning as he needs to be at the camp for the morning program that they are doing tomorrow : " The Prodigal Son " and Elijah is the Prodigal Son . . . so he definitely needs to be there to do his part ! Woody got his walk in early this morning since he knew that he would be involved with transporting Elijah from one point to another this afternoon . As soon as we got back , Elijah and Goosey ( Woody ) went out to have some batting practice , while I fixed our supper . We have eaten and I decided that it would be a good idea to blog before the game tonight since I will have a little charge to get off to bed pretty soon after the game . I think that the camp is wearing some of them out . Elijah has had two different swimming times today at the camp . . . one in the creek and one in the swimming pool . He should sleep well tonight ! I took tonight 's photo on the way to get Elijah this afternoon . . . everything is so green and pretty due to all the rain that we have been getting . We even had a short shower on our way home . . . but so far none in Tullahoma so ball field should be okay to play on tonight . Woody started his morning off by driving to the Ford dealership in town . Our Ford Fusion had a recall . . . something about the door latches . Woody called yesterday to find our about getting it done . When asked when he wanted it done , Woody suggested sometime next week . The lady on the phone seemed to want it sooner so he suggested this morning which she agreed upon . Woody told her that he would bring it in at 8am and that time was agreed upon . He was told that it would take three hours . Guess what . . . car is still there and don 't think that the work has even been started . We didn 't need the car today , but may need it tomorrow . . . wonder if we will have it by the time that we need it ! Woody 's walk of the day was walking back from the dealership . He said to call that his four - mile walk of the day . I think that it is longer than four miles and suggested that he check the mileage on his return trip home with the car . . . well , obvioiusly that distance check didn 't get done ! But I still think that the walk back was longer than four miles . Woody spent quite a bit of time outside this morning weeding in the large flower bed that straddles the property lines of both out house and Nathan 's . At one end of that flower bed is a large bed of day lilies . . . tonight 's photo is of one of those lilies . That bed can be quite a beautiful display of orange in late May into early June . This morning I got up and decided that I wanted to make a ham and cheese omelet before our ham is gone . It definitely hit the spot and got my day off to a yummy start ! ( Woody had his usual oatmeal and banana . ) I am in the planning stages of the next pillow that I will make for our front porch . I have one finished except for stuffing it . I can 't stuff it till I make a trip to the store to get some more fiber fill . Either the girls or I used up the last of the fiber fill that I had in one of the last pillows made . I did find some elastic in my sewing cabinet so was able to finish my crop pants without going to the store . So a tally on my summer sewing so far = 1 top , 1 pair of crop pants and 1 pillow top . Not too bad for just the first few days off from school . After lunch , I headed off to the church library . Donna and I worked for a couple of hours " reading shelves , " a library term for straightening and making sure that the books are in the right order on the shelves . I was working on the fiction section . That job just made me want to read a lot of the books that I haven 't read yet ! Our church library really has an excellent selection of books of all types ( that are appropriate for a church library ) . Will keep you posted on our recall ! Happy last day of May ! Our day has been pretty much a usual Monday . Woody started his morning outside weeding and mulching . Mid - morning he went on a four - mile walk . After lunch , he went to Life Care Center and had Bible study with Jeff and visited a couple of other residents . Today I considered to be my first " real " day of summer vacation ( today was the first day since our last day on Thursday that I would have had school ) . . . so I slept in a bit longer this morning than I do during the school year . I had planned to sew today , but ended up cooking instead . I made two different main dish salads . . . a ham macaroni salad and our Mediterranian tuna salad . . . both favorites of ours . There was quite a bit of cutting and chopping so they took a while to put together . We enjoyed the ham macaroni salad for supper . I did do a little sewing this afternoon . Last night I cut out a pair of crop pants and have them finished except for the elastic casing . Need to buy elastic before I can finish . All in all a pretty quiet Memorial Day for us . It has been a pretty nice day temperature - wise . We did have some rain this afternoon . . . more drinks for the flowers and plants . They 're all looking pretty happy at least for the time being ! This morning we got up and headed off to Georgia around 7am . I had to be careful last night and not make reference to our trip in the blog as this was a surprise birthday party for a friend of ours and she reads the blog . I was afraid that if I made a reference to our heading GA way that she might put two and two together ! So I refrained last night from mentioning that we were going to go on a day trip to GA today . We went to her son 's house which is a little north of Atlanta . . . a big plus for us as we didn 't have to get in any of Atlanta 's heavy traffic . There is a time change between here and GA so we had to deal with that or we would have been late . We had been asked to be there around 11 : 30am Eastern time so we would get there before the birthday girl and her husband and their daughter and her family . We got there around 11 : 45 their time . Their son whisked off our car so they would be none the wiser that there were any extra vehicles in the driveway . Her mother and all her siblings and some of her siblings ' children and grandchildren were there along with her two children and their children . . lots of little children running around having a great time ! It was fun to be included as the only non - family members in this gathering . Connie and Joe had lived in Tullahoma for years and about 3 1 / 2 years ago moved to Alabama . Connie and I were " cohorts in crime " when it came to needlework and sewing , especially ! The best thing about today was that with all who knew about the party and for all the months in advance that it had been planned . . . no one let the cat out of the bag and Connie was VERY surprised ! We had a nice visit . The trip was very pleasant both going and coming home . . . no rain or storms like had been predicted . Not long after we got home Woody headed off on his daily four - mile walk . He has just returned . So I guess we are settling in for the evening after a very adventurous day ( for us ) ! Here 's a mug shot of one of our many unwanted guests at the bird feeders ! Today the suet cage is totally empty so I have a feeling that perhaps he or one of his brothers or sisters helped to empty it . They claw at it and get chuncks to eat . Part lands on the ground under the feeder and we do have many birds come in and clean up the mess that the suet crumblers make . Woody has kept very busy today . He went for a four - mile walk this morning . Later in the morning he did our weekly grocery shopping at Aldis and Kroger . He also got a hair cut . He has spent a lot of time outside working in the yard . . . mainly mowing . This is my first day of summer vacation so I decided that I would sew . I have made a top for myself today all except for the hems . . . working on those and will have them done before I go to bed tonight .
|
The grant brothers series in reading order Next New Release is Jace The Double Deuce Ranch is in trouble . The taxes have tripled over the years , and the repair bills and cost of supplies are more than the Douglas men can scrape together to save the ranch . Short of a miracle they are on the street . Holly Snow has already bought four ranches this month saving them from the greedy banker . She 'll save the Double Deuce , too , if Georgie Douglas will let her . Something underhanded is driving all the ranches into foreclosure and she is determined to get to the bottom of it . To her , money is no object . Jace Douglas knows from the moment he sees Holly in that jail cell , beaten but proud , that she is his mate . His cat wants to claim his mate , but he doesn 't have two nickels to rub together , there is no way he is taking her for a mate . He can 't afford her . He is out of her league … Fate , however , has other ideas , and money , although a huge factor , never is the issue between them . Jace likes to play … a little rough . And Holly might be of a mind to just play along … Addison Parker is on the run . No matter how fast she runs , or how far she travels she can 't hide from herself , or the gift she 's been cursed with . She can read people 's minds and with a touch can see into their future . That is a secret that she has learned to keep well ― everyone always wanted something from her when they learned what she could do . It 's easier to avoid people all together . Jarrett Emerson is just helping his dad and brother protect an innocent from a perverted wretch . But when a falling brick knocks Addie unconscious , she falls right into Jarrett 's arms . To his surprise he realizes that she is his mate and human … Addie felt stupid standing there like she was and moved to the sink . Jarrett watched her before he reached for a second glass . Addie had no idea why , but she thought he was nervous . " I 'm not going to pounce on you . " As soon as the words left her mouth , she knew that she 'd made a major mistake . He turned so quickly that she backed up and hit her ass on the counter behind her . He didn 't stop there but took the two more steps to have her leaning back to look up at him . " I 'd like nothing more than to have you pounce on me . " His voice was a soft growl that had her thinking all sorts of things that had nothing to do with food . " You 're very beautiful . " " No , I 'm not . " He nodded and halved the distance between them . " You 're too close . I can 't think when you 're this close . " Jarrett doesn 't want her to leave . If she goes , he goes with her . That 's the way it is with mates . But when a corrupt attorney has other ideas , the Emersons have to regroup to protect what they now consider their own … . " Well , of course you couldn 't last for one more day , could you ? " Addie got out of the front of her camper and looked at the smoking hood . " One more day . That 's all I needed . Then I could have been settled some place nice , and you could have rested while I fixed some of the things that you needed . What is wrong with that , I ask you ? " She felt the tears well up in her eyes and let them fall . She wasn 't a whiner , nor was she all that mushy when things didn 't go her way . But it had been a long few years and she 'd just about had all she could take . If things didn 't turn around soon … well , they wouldn 't , so she had no idea why she even bothered speculating about it . She looked at the camper she 'd purchased secondhand because she was cheap , and decided that it had served her well . Better than other things and people she had in her life currently . It was a recent purchase , as her other cheap mode of transportation had also died along the way to her finding herself . The hood lifted with a loud screech . She looked around . Most of the time a person would come out of their house when someone stopped in front of their home , but it was still really early in the morning . Just shy of five , she supposed . Looking into the engine , she could see right away what it was and realized that while it was an easy fix , it wouldn 't get her far . So before she did anything like that , she pulled out her new phone and looked to see if there were any campgrounds close by . There was one , and it was open . The middle of January in Ohio more than likely didn 't see a lot of campers , but she was happy to find them not just with a listing , but one that said that you could call twenty - four seven . The snow crunched under her feet as she called . As soon as the person answered , Addie knew that she 'd woken her up . But while she sounded sleepy , she didn 't sound pissed . " I 'm so terribly sorry . But I have a bit of an emergency . I was wondering if you have a space for a camper trailer for about a month . " The woman mumbled something about how early it was and for her to hang on , so she did . Addison Parker was on the run . Not from the police or even a boyfriend . Her family was all gone except for one , and so far as she knew there was no way there could be anyone she owed money to . Who she was running from was herself , and her depression . It had come to the point in her life when she was either going to park in her garage and let the car run until it was over , or find something to keep her mind on her life . She 'd often thought , over the last few years , that she should have used the garage . " I have spaces . I 'm guessing you want some electric and water , so I 'm putting you in that kind of space . And real close to the bathroom . There 's a washer and dryer too . I 'll have my son run down and turn it on for you so 's you can use it . " The woman laughed . " Course , it 's colder than a witch 's tit in a brass brassiere out , so I 'm thinking you ain 't here to fish or look at the wildlife . " " No , ma ' am . Just having engine problems and need a place to fix it . " The woman told her it was fine . " Can you tell me how much ? For about a month or two ? I 'm no problem to have stay , I promise you . I just need a place to do some repairs . " " It won 't be the going rate being how it 's January and all . How about you pay me … ? " Addie closed her eyes , thinking that if it was anything over about fifteen hundred dollars , she was going to have to think of another place to stay . Not that she didn 't have more money , but that was all she had on her right now . " Listen , how about I let you just stay there for fifty bucks for the whole month ? That 'll get my son Josh some spending money , and I don 't have to worry about there being nobody at the sites . If you wouldn 't mind keeping an eye out for me . " " No . Not at all . " Addie laughed . " Not one bit . I have to work on getting me there . But yes . I 'd love it . Thank you so very much . " She was crying again and wiped at the cold tears on her cheeks as the woman told her what site she was in . Mrs . Carlyle told her that her son would be going down to shovel it off for her so that it would be perfect . After she hung up , she looked at her ride again . " Perfect ? How the hell would anyone think of me as perfect ? " Addie looked at the town she 'd gotten off the wrong exit for , then at her camper . " You have been my greatest purchase , yet you fail me all the time . What am I to do with you now ? " An hour and a half later , she had it running . Not well , but enough to get it started and going . She made the drive slowly , which was good , as there was little traffic out this early , and she only had to pull over once more to get it going again after putting more water in the radiator . Pulling into the spot that had been cleaned , she didn 't even have to turn the engine off , as it seemed to give up at that moment . As it sputtered to a dying stop , she laid her head on the wheel . She had things to do . Plenty to get herself ready to live in one place for a time . But for now , right now , she needed a nap . For about ten or so years , she thought . Then she had more things to do to just live . A job for starters . Something to keep her mind off things for a while , anyway . As she got out of the vehicle and moved out to put down the stands that would hold her steady while she walked around inside , she tried not to think about how cold it was and what she 'd have to do to keep warm . Then there was the power , water , and the sewage that she needed . As she hooked this up , Addie thought of how she had to call her lawyer soon . He 'd have things for her to sign , plus she needed to tell him what else she might need . They were long overdue for a talk , and she wanted him to explain a few things for her that she 'd come across when she 'd been looking at some accounts . Money was missing , and there were some back orders for things she knew that he 'd said had been delivered . As she sat up , she made herself a mental note on items to get him to send to her . " Money . " Nodding to herself , she thought of several other things she was going to need as she was looking in the engine again . " A new engine would be nice , but I 'm not sure that Carl here could handle that . " She 'd named her home after her college professor who had told her it was the little things that made a place a home . She 'd left her home with very little and now she had even less . " You usually talk to yourself ? " Addie closed her eyes when the man behind her spoke . As she turned slowly , holding the tire iron in her hand , she heard him laugh . " I 'm very harmless . My name is Josh Carlyle . My mom sent me to see what you might need . " Nodding , she still didn 't let go of the iron , and he noticed it too . " I won 't come any closer if you want . But I 'm not going to hurt you . " " So you say . " He nodded and reached slowly into his pocket with his left hand still up in the air . He told her he was going to show her his identification . " That could be just as fake . Why don 't you just move on ? I 'm not … I 'm not really good with strangers . " " I can see that . " He put his hands up again . " Okay , I 'm assuming you don 't need anything . If you do , here is my cell phone number . My mom and I will be at work until six , then home . She wanted you to come by for dinner , if you want . " He put the card on the small mailbox at the end of her space . " Thanks , but no thanks . No offense . " He nodded . " I 'm very sorry . I 've been kind of on my own for a while now , and I forgot how to be sociable . " " We 're here if you need us . " She nodded and watched him move away to a truck that she envied . Turning back to what she 'd been doing , she decided that she was too exhausted to try and figure it out . She went inside and was thrilled to find the place was already warmer than it had been , and her electric blanket had her bed all toasty . Stripping down , she locked the doors and crawled naked into the bed . She didn 't even bother with turning off the lights . As her head hit the pillow , she was asleep . But she knew that it would only last about two hours , and she 'd be up again . Cash walked around the little store twice , trying his best to remember what it was he 'd been there for . He 'd gotten to talking and now … shit , he needed to start making himself notes , he supposed . Smiling at the little girl behind the counter , he moved out of the building into the cold evening . He nearly squeaked when he saw the young woman sitting on the bench . Her feet out in front of her nearly made him trip up , but it would have been his fault . He was too busy " flirting " again ( as Slone called his trips to town ) . She was asleep . Soundly , too , if he didn 't miss his bet . And the way she was dressed had him believing that she was homeless … worn - out boots that had broken laces , a coat that was miles too big for her , and a hat that had seen better days . There was no way that a human could just sit there in this weather and not be frozen . He was nearly to his car - well , Slone 's car - when she spoke behind him . " I don 't think it 's going to start . You left your lights on . They sputtered out about ten minutes ago . " He looked at the car , then the shop . He 'd only been in there ten minutes , he was sure . " You 'll need a jump . " " You offering ? " He hadn 't meant for it to sound so dirty , but she sat up and looked at him . " I meant my car . I don 't know you well enough to make that sort of comment to you that would sound like I was flirting with you . But you get to know me and you 'll know I 'm pretty harmless . " " Men are rarely harmless . " He could hear the pain in her voice and felt his heart twist . Such a beauty and all that hatred . " I don 't have a car or I would give you a jump . I 'm sorry . " Nodding , he got into the car and put the key in . Not that he didn 't believe her , but he had to try . Nothing but a click - click - click . Getting out , he pulled the tab to open the hood and looked under it . He had no more idea what was under there than he did in the fertilizer he and Slone had ordered the other week . " Your cables are corroded . " He looked over at her when she came to stand beside him . " If you go in and get a cola , I can fix that part for you . You 're still going to need someone to give you a jump I bet , but this will keep it from happening so often . And I don 't want to be rude , but can you maybe go in and get it and come back out ? I 'm sort of looking for a job and I don 't have all day . " Cash didn 't take offense to her request . He was a social man , and people were just too friendly to not talk to . But instead of going inside , he went to the pop machine outside and got the cola she suggested . As soon as he handed it to her , she opened it and took a small sip before pouring it all over the vise - like clamps that were already pulled from the box in the corner . The nasty stuff bubbling up off them made his belly kind of wiggle . " Christ , that is some nasty shit . " Her grin told him she loved what she was doing , and he watched as the cola seemed to boil all the rust off them . Even as she used a napkin to clean them off , he was amazed at the difference . As soon as she got them back on the battery , he realized he should have called in one of his boys to help him . " You should have your battery checked out . It 's expired . " After she showed him the date on it , he wondered how Slone had ever gotten around , and told himself to ask his boys when the last time they checked theirs was . " Also , you need better tires . Those are going to get you killed . They 're nearly bald , and in this slick weather , it 'll be over before it begins . " " Thanks . Never even thought of those things . This is my daughter - in - law 's car , and she 's a little on the shy side . " She nodded and went back to the bench . Cash , never one to pass up helping somebody , even if they didn 't think they needed it , went to sit beside her . As she laid her head back , he reached for Luke , who he knew was on his way in . I got me a problem . Not a big one , but I need a jump . Luke laughed . When was the last time you had your battery checked ? This car I borrowed from Slone has a battery in it that 's nearly five years past its date . It 's a new car , so I 'm thinking I 'm good . But you 're right , I bet she … why the hell does she still have that thing anyway ? I mean , she more than likely owns a fleet of cars . Cash thought Luke might be right . I 'll be there soon . Five minutes . Cash thanked him and looked at the girl . " You should let me pay you for your help . This thing might have had my Slone out somewhere and all alone when her battery quit on her . " " No thanks . " She didn 't move as she spoke , but she did open her eyes . " You don 't know anyone that 's hiring , do you ? I mean a real job , not one you think you owe me . " It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her that when she put that stipulation on him . He didn 't know of a single job . Not anything he thought she , a pretty little thing , could do . Instead of telling her no , he decided that he might need some help . " I 'm opening an office . Not sure what sort of help I might need , but I could use someone to answer my phone , do a little filing . Can you do any of that ? " She sat up and then stood . " Is that a no ? " " It is . I have to get back . I 'm … I 'm having a bad day and I need to be alone . " Cash had a feeling that she didn 't need to be alone , that it might be the worst idea she 'd ever had . He stood up . " Thanks for the drink . " It took him a few seconds to figure out what she meant . She 'd taken a sip of the cola and that was all . As he turned to go after her , Luke pulled in front of his car . When he turned back , she was gone . " Dad ? " He started down the street , and Luke called him back . " I thought you needed a jump . I 'm already running behind . I 'm sorry . I 'm going in to file some paperwork I forgot to do today . " " There was this girl . Woman , I guess . She looked … she helped me , and now I don 't think she should be alone . " Luke looked down the street , then at him . " She was here . Used a cola to clean off them terminals . I never knew about that . And people put that stuff in their body ? " " I saw her . Who is she ? " Cash told him he had no idea . " Well , that was really nice of her to help you . If you have something that belongs to her , we can hunt her down for you . Why are you afraid she shouldn 't be alone ? " " I don 't know . I just have a feeling … Luke , you know how that woman you knew some time ago - the one that went and killed herself - how she looked all the time ? " Luke nodded , sadness in his eyes . " I 'm sorry , boy , I am . But this here girl , she looked about ten times worse . Like the thought of dying was much better than living . " Luke looked in the direction she 'd gone . Cash looked as well . He had a feeling that the girl was going to harm herself . And if she did , he was afraid he 'd be haunted by her for the rest of his life . He looked at Luke . " I 'm going to open an office . Like the one you and Jack was telling me about . " Luke nodded as he hooked up the cables to his battery . " You go on and fix me up on that , please . That building next to your wife 's , it 'll do just fine . " " Dad , what 's this about ? You didn 't even want to talk about it the other night . Why now ? " He looked in the direction the girl had gone . " This have to do with her ? That girl tell you something ? Ask you for something so you 'd do it ? " " No . Damn it , boy . What makes you think that some snip of a girl is going to be able to make me do a damned thing I don 't want to ? " Cash huffed . " Damn it all to hell . There is something about her that makes me think she 's a danger . To herself . " " How ? " He wasn 't sure and told him that . " I don 't understand . You think she 's going to kill herself ? Why ? What did she say ? " Cash got into the car when Luke told him to . He had no idea what it was about her . There was something there . Something profoundly sad that made him want to find her right then and fix it . When the car roared to life , he got out and stood by his son . " She 's got a sadness about her that hurts me right here . " Cash put his hand over his heart . " Luke , if something happens to her , anything , I 'm going to be hurting too . I don 't even know her name or a thing about her , but I like her . She is … I don 't know , I really like her . " " All right , Dad . Let me see what I can find out . " Luke got into this car and looked out at his dad . " You have her scent ? Anything ? " Cash picked up the can and handed it to him . After Luke took it to his nose and handed it back , Cash did the same , taking in her scent to keep it with him . When his son took off , Cash went to the diner and had a little talk with Mable . If anyone knew anything , she would . And by golly , damned if she didn 't . " There is this girl that is camping at my place . Don 't think it 's her though . Josh said she was on the scared side . Wouldn 't even let him take out his license to show her who he was . " Cash had a feeling this was his girl . " Tall , about six foot , he said . Skinny and a little on the busty side . " " That 's her . Yeah , busty , that 's a good name for her . Dark hair . Looks like a good wind would lift her up and toss her away . " Mable called Josh from the back , and he nodded at his description of the girl . " What 's her name ? " " She gave me one , but I 'm thinking it 's just short for something . Addie Parker , she said . Her truck is broke down , she told me , and she needed some place to fix it . " Mable looked at Josh . " Anything you can tell Mr . Emerson here ? " " She was threatened . " Cash started to ask him what he meant . " As soon as she saw me , she held that tire iron like she was gonna use it on me . I think she would have , too . And her engine is gone . I could smell it from the car when I was leaving . But she didn 't strike me as someone who would trust you if you had a string of priests telling her you were fine . " " She 's stranded then ? " Josh nodded at him . " Good . The longer the better . I want you to let me know if she comes in here . I won 't go out there and bother her none , not yet at any rate , but if you see her let me know . I 'm gonna … I need to keep an eye on her for a bit . " As soon as he turned around and got back to where he 'd seen her , he pulled over . She wasn 't around , of course . That would have been too easy . He moved up and down the street until he got to Jack 's building . Slipping inside , he stood in front of the big window while he watched . Cash felt Jack before she said anything . " You have a date or something ? " He told her about the girl . " Ah , so you 're stalking . That 's not good . There are laws about that , I think . Should I tell your sons ? I 'm sure that Hunter will have a lot to say about you stalking someone . " " No , there 's no reason to tell them . Luke knows , but … I just have a feeling about her … this girl , I mean ; that 's all . " He looked at her then . Christ , this woman made his heart flutter every time he looked at her . " You 're awfully pretty today . That mate of yours is picking out your clothes again , I 'm betting . " " No , he is not . As a matter of fact , Slone and I went shopping . She has excellent taste . I was going to go with her tomorrow . " They both stared out the window . " What 's the story on your date ? " " I don 't want to date her . " He 'd snapped before he could think not to , and she laughed at him . " She 's just a woman that I have a fear for , that 's all . There is just something about her that makes me want to pull her into my arms and keep her safe . " " I don 't know her , but if you have that feeling , I 'll help you . " They both moved away from the window , and he noticed then that the store was dark behind them . " I was just closing up . Luke called to say that he has to work on something for an hour or so . So I 'm all alone . Wanna take a lonely woman out to dinner ? " " Hell yeah . " As she pulled on her jacket , he thought of the other woman . She might be cold or hungry . His resolve to find her doubled and it nearly took his breath away with it . " Jack , do me a favor . If you find this girl , see if you can get her a coat or something to put on . I think she might be a little on the stubborn side . " " Stubborn , huh ? I don 't know that many stubborn people , but I 'll give it my best . " He stared at her until she started to laugh . " I 'm kidding . But I will keep an eye out for you . " Thanking her and walking her across the street , Cash wanted to go and see her now , his mystery woman . Even though he knew where she was and that he could be there in no time , he decided to wait . For now anyway . As soon as they entered the diner again , he was filled with a sense of wellness . The girl would be all right , he knew , for one more night Royce The Hunter Series Chapter 11 is ready to read Chapter 11 Daniel put down the phone and leaned back in his chair . Royce was going to be a father . Daniel had not seen that one coming . . .
|
Cops think they know everything . Trust me , I 'm a cop , well I am a cop now , but I can 't see that lasting much longer . Two different dash cams back my story up , but that video will never see the light of day . They are going to blame me for what happened to Eddie ; I just know they are . Eddie Roth and I were the two least likely guys to be Deputies on the Geauga County Sherriff 's Department . I was tall dark and Italian from Murray Hill . Eddie was tall dark and Jewish from Lyndhurst , but we looked like brothers . Eddie had been an MP in the Marines . He went to Afghanistan three times before they finally let him out . I had gone through the Cleveland Police Academy thinking I would be a Cleveland cop , but not one guy from my class got a job in Cleveland . City Council funded an Academy class , but they never appropriated the funds to hire any of us . Eddie answered an ad in the Cleveland Plain Dealer , and I got a tip from the Police Union . It was the least they could do , as they had started taking dues out of my Cadet pay . I landed on the force three months after Eddie did , but he was nearly 30 and I was barely 25 . Geauga County Sherriff Red Carpenter hired both of us . Eddie and I hit it off right away . Eddie was a scream off duty and all business on duty . I used him as a role model . I turned out to be a pretty good cop , but Eddie had seven years on me , as far as police work went . It was probably that experience that got him killed . The 12th of September had arrived . Eddie and I had all our stuff packed into the back of his Chevy pickup at the Sherriff 's Department . We should have been able to get on the road by 8 : 00 a . m . , but the trip never happened . Department policy requires two cruisers make a hot car stop . Before the dispatcher could make the call for backup , I radioed in and told the dispatcher where I was . Eddie acknowledged , and turned left towards town and I pulled my cruiser to a stop across both lanes of Route 87 . When I saw the Lumina , I turned my lights on , and Eddie turned his on at the same time . We were about 200 yards apart with a battered , red Chevy Lumina between us . The driver of the Lumina slammed on the brakes and then pulled the car off the road , turned his car off , and dowsed his headlights . I pulled nose - to - nose with the Lumina , and Eddie pulled in behind the stopped car . I turned on my spot light and shined it into the eyes of the trapped driver . I opened my cruiser door and knelt behind it . I pulled my weapon out of the holster and flicked the safety off . I radioed Eddie that I was in position . Eddie thumbed his PA speaker button . " Deputy Manelli is in the car in front of you ; he has his weapon drawn . I will be walking up to your car with my hand on my weapon . Please place both of your hands on the wheel and leave them there . If you understand me , nod your head vigorously . " Eddie slipped out of his cruiser and put his campaign hat on top of his head . He left his door open in case he needed cover . He unsnapped the safety strap on his weapon , flicked his safety off , and placed his hand on the gun butt . Eddie slid out about five feet from the bumper of the Lumina and started angling to the driver 's door . " Sir , " Eddie addressed the driver . " I am going to open your door . Leave your hands on the wheel until I tell you to exit the vehicle . " I watched and Eddie patted the driver down . I didn 't take long . The driver was a little man with shoulder length white hair and a flowing white beard . His nose was sharp and stuck out of his moustache like a bird 's beak . His darting , dark eyes stared into the night on the other side of the Lumina . His hands were shaking on the roof of the car ; the sleeve buttons on his black suit coat tapped a nervous rhythm . I looked and saw a round black beanie about six inches across affixed to the hair at the crown of the man 's head with three Bobbie pins . I had no idea what it was . For all I knew it was for covering a bald spot . Eddie smiled his biggest smile and said , " It is a traditional head covering worn by Jews . Correct me if I 'm wrong , Rabbi , but the Talmud says cover the child 's head so that he will have the fear of heaven . Turn around , Rabbi . " " I am sorry , Deputy Roth , " the Rabbi mumbled . " I would never have taken this car if it weren 't a matter of life and death . I assure you that if you allow me to continue on my way , that I will present myself at your headquarters tomorrow to face the music for stealing this car . " " Rabbi Szpiegel , " Eddie said . " Even if you had the perfect excuse for taking this car , I couldn 't let you go . Deputy Manelli and I have called this in by radio . Right now , the fact that we have located this stolen car has been communicated to the police department where the complaint was filed . Do you understand ? " Eddie threw back his head and laughed so hard he nearly lost his campaign hat . I was about as confused as I have ever been right then . The Rabbi looked like he had seen a ghost and Eddie was laughing so hard he could barely catch his breath . Eddie looked at me with a huge grin on his face , " A Golem , " he said with a wink , " is an evil creature formed from clay or dirt into the shape of a man . My Zeidy , excuse me , my grandfather , used to scare the crap out of us with Golem stories . It 's the Jewish Boogie Man . " " Please , Officer Roth , " the Rabbi pleaded . " This is serious . I have a Golem in the trunk of this car and I need to deliver it to the man that forced me to create it or he will hurt my Sadie . " " Oh , " Eddie said in a very calm voice . " I 've got it now . Rabbi Cohen visited you from Youngstown . He kidnapped your cat , Sadie , and promised not to hurt her if you would just make him a Golem and deliver it . You didn 't know how you were going to get the Golem to the other Rabbi until you decided to steal a car . Is that about right ? " " Exactly , " said Rabbi Szpiegel missing the twinkle of mischief in Eddie 's eyes . " I have studied Kabbalistic lore for nearly my whole life . I made the mistake of telling Rabbi Cohen that I thought I could even make a Golem if I had to . I was bragging ; oh , dear , pride goeth before the fall , I 'm afraid . " Deputy Windsor meant that another Deputy would come to take Rabbi Szpiegel in for a psych evaluation at the Chardon Mental Health Center . There used to be a mental hospital called Windsor in Chagrin Falls . The hospital is gone but Deputy Windsor stuck . " Ok by me , " I said . " I 'll help Rabbi Szpiegel to a seat in the back of my cruiser . Right this way . " He looked so forlorn . I felt sorry for the crazy old guy . " Do you think he made it , " I said . " I bet he saw it at some art gallery and decided he had found a Golem . How in the hell did stories of a statue scare the crap out of you , anyway ? " Eddie gurgled once and got his hand to the butt of his weapon before you hear a great snap and you see Eddie go limp . The Golem didn 't let go of Eddie 's body until he had climbed out of the trunk . I only know this because I 've seen the dash cam tapes . I was out cold behind Eddie 's cruiser until I heard the glass shatter . Eddie 's footage shows the Golem bashing at the rear door of my cruiser once , twice , and bouncing it open on the third smash . That 's when the glass shattered . That 's when I came to . I stagger out from behind Eddie 's cruiser and steady myself on the driver - side front fender . I shake my head once and then twice . You can see that I am bleeding from a cut just below my right eye . It 's where my face kissed the road . Just then the Golem drags a very limp Rabbi out of my cruiser . I pull my weapon and order the Golem to put the Rabbi down . The Golem ignores me and begins shaking the Rabbi violently . You hear me warn the Golem one more time , and then I fire two rounds . Both rounds hit the Golem in the back where they kick up orange clouds of dust , but the Golem keeps shaking the Rabbi . By this time , it is obvious that the Rabbi is as dead as Eddie . I open fire again and empty my piece . All of the shots hit the Golem , but the last shot goes wide and strikes the Golem in the left side of his head . That 's when you see the Golem stiffen and fall over onto the road . He shatters into a dozen pieces . I walk into the pile of terra cotta pieces and reach down . I pick up a small roll of parchment . I reach into a pocket on my Sam Houston belt and pull out a Bic lighter . I saw that dash cam footage about thirty minutes ago in Sherriff Red 's office . He was there and his Chief Deputy was there , and neither of them said a word . They just stared at the monitor and wouldn 't look at me . Sherriff Red told me to go sit in the day room and not say a word to a soul . The next day , they got around to checking up on Rabbi Cohen . Sadie was there , and the ransom email was on his computer . That should be enough to just let me retire and go away , but a cop is dead and I 'm afraid they will pin Eddie and the Rabbi on me . The apartment was awesome . The house was sound and dry , and his apartment had a tiny kitchen and its own bathroom . Denny Marshall couldn 't believe he didn 't see that stupid cross up on Kontner Hill when he first looked at the apartment . How could he miss a sixty - five - foot - high cross less than a quarter of a mile from where he lived ? Day time wasn 't so bad , but after dark he didn 't need to turn on any lights . Denny could do his homework by the light reflected light from that stupid cross . The cross reflected the light from what seemed like a thousand spotlights right into his apartment . It was as if the cross was on the window ledge . Denny had wanted to be a cop since he saw his first episode of Law and Order . In those days , it was Logan and Lenny as partners . Denny liked it when Logan leaned just a little too much on some perp . He would have had no friends at all if he hadn 't been able to run fast and hang on to a football . Everyone thought he should play college football , but his SAT scores were lower than his height . At just over five feet four inches tall and 150 pounds in full helmet and pads , Denny had been under sized for a high school running back . Denny 's late start meant that all the criminal justice spots were filled in the Ohio schools Denny 's parents could afford . Denny put his name on waiting lists and his hopes were dwindling when he got a call from Hocking College in late August . Two recent cancellations had opened up in the criminal justice program , and if Denny could be ready in time , classes began in two weeks . Denny was in Nelsonville and rented his apartment two days later . Denny 's parents were paying for school and his apartment . His place was clean and cheap ; Denny 's Mom approved of the former and his Dad approved of the latter . He moved in four days before classes started . He would sometimes sit at his desk under one window and stare at the cross . Some guy built the stupid thing as a memorial to his wife . Denny would sit and run one hand back and forth across top of his black buzz cut and try to imagine what kind of an idiot dumped his money into a stupid cross for a dead wife . His eyes bulged , then he rubbed his eyes , and , when he looked again his lower jaw gaped open . The figure in white was still there . Denny ran to his closet and dug under some shoes until he found the case for his . 22 target rifle . He opened the case and grabbed the rifle 's telescopic sight . When Denny got back to the window , nothing was on the cross except millions of watts . That stupid cross was playing tricks on his eyes . Stare at that stupid cross long enough and you could start to see things . That 's what Denny tried to tell himself , but he knew he was a reliable witness . He was sober and well rested when he saw a man in a white suit land on a steel and porcelain cross that was 65 feet tall . Denny looked up and saw his man in white back on the cross . Denny opened the middle drawer and grabbed the telescopic sight without looking . He put the sight in front of his right eye and then searched for the cross in the magnified world he saw through the scope . Then Denny was looking at the back of a head bathed in light . Mr . White had dark hair that fluttered at his suit collar . As Denny watched Mr . White 's head began to rotate . If you looked real close in " The Exorcist , " you could tell they used a dummy for the head spinning scene . Denny saw the man 's neck skin as it began to resemble a chunk of taffy being twisted at a carnival . That was no dummy . Denny made an inarticulate whining sound and dropped the scope into his lap … right on his balls . As freaked as he was from seeing that head begin to rotate , a good shot to the balls changed his attention priorities . Denny clutched his balls and hyperventilated briefly . " Right , " Denny thought . " I 'm going to be a cop , and I know what the cops will think . They 'd think I was some stoner that was way too high for his own good . Denny knew the cops would think he was busting their balls . Denny fished the scope off of the floor , but the cross had no one on it . " This is someone somehow fucking around on that stupid cross who just wants to freak people out , " Denny said out loud to the room . " Well , it 's working , " Denny thought to himself . He drew down the blinds on both windows , and decided that what he didn 't see couldn 't bother him . He tried to get back into the chapter on fingerprints , but he couldn 't make his eyes move over the words and the diagrams . He kept looking up at his windows like he was expecting company . In the dream that came on quickly , Denny was watching Mr . White through a telescope . The back of Mr . White 's head filled the eye piece through which Denny peered . At the magnification of the dream telescope , Denny could see individual hairs move and knew a very soft wind was blowing up on the cross . Mr . White 's head started to rotate counterclockwise . Denny wanted to look away , but he was frozen in place . He tried to close his eyes , but his lids would not respond . Mr . White 's head made a full 180 degree turn , and hazel eyes rimmed in red stared straight into the lens of the telescope . Denny knew he had been spotted ; he tried to back away from the telescope but he was rooted in place . Mr . White smiled to reveal two rows of needle - sharp teeth . Mr . White 's body spun to match up with his head and he floated back from the telescope until Denny could see Mr . White 's whole body . In Denny 's dream , Mr . White fell from the view in the telescope , but Denny still could not move . A dark blemish appeared in the white porcelain that covered the stainless steel cross a split second before Denny heard the crack of a shot an then the metallic twang of a ricochet . Another blemish blossomed on the cross . It was followed by another delayed gunshot and then a twang ricochet . Mr . White leaned back into Denny 's field of vision in the telescope , waved , and flew backwards and out of sight . Denny looked back at the cross and saw a bald , gray - bearded shirtless man in bib overalls standing at the base of the cross with hands high above his head . The man dangled a pistol on the index finger of his left hand . He was turned in the direction of the police . " My roommate said the old guy smelled like a brewery and was ranting about blaspheming and repenting , " Bengals ' hat said . " It was a real horror show . When the guy settled down , they locked him naked in a psych cell under a suicide watch … it was real rubber room stuff . The guy will get moved to the nut ward in Oblenness Hospital in Athens some time today . " After class , Denny approached Bengals ' hat just outside the classroom . Bengal 's hat was thumbing through a menu on his cell phone when Denny introduced himself . Bengals ' hat , Mike actually , looked up and introduced himself . The two young men shook hands . Mike didn 't notice Denny 's problem and thumbed through menus to open the picture file . When he got the file open he said , " That 's just wrong . That 's just wrong . " In the end , Hank gave up . The Plain Dealer was set to publish a series of community shopper newspapers later in the year . He 'd have to eat a crap sandwich in the short term , but he 'd get to stay for the prime rib . " Hey , Mr . Stafford , " Tony said . " They don 't even buy me my coveralls to work here ; they 'll buy a new PCL when pigs fly , besides , in about half an hour the Moon will be up and folks can land by the light of the full Moon . Want some help tying her down ? " Hank fished in his left pants pocket and pulled out a small brass key . He used the key to open a panel in the floor of the SUV . After looking both ways , Hank took off his denim jacket and pulled a double shoulder holster from the floor safe . Hank reached back into the safe and extracted a TeleDart RD406 tranquilizer pistol . He turned a dial on the side of the weapon and saw the pressure gauge turn red when the pistol was fully charged . Hank loaded a tranq dart into the breech , flipped the breech shut , loaded five more tranq darts into a clip on the front of the right shoulder holster , and jammed the TeleDart into its spot . " No safety , no safety , don 't shoot yourself in the balls if you have to use it , " Hank said to himself as he pulled a Desert Eagle Mark XIX . 50 caliber automatic out of the gun safe in the floor of the Porsche . Hank slapped a clip into the butt end of the hand cannon and put the pistol into the left holster . He put three extra ammunition clips into the pockets of his denim jacket , relocked the safe , buttoned the bottom two buttons of the jacket , and looked at his watch . The answer was , of course , he loved Celeste . He would do anything for her . When she agreed to marry him , Hank had promised to make sure nothing bad ever happened to her . He hoped tonight wasn 't the night he 'd break that promise . Most of the time , Celeste was the most beautiful woman Hank had ever met , and she was sweeter than she was beautiful . It was hard to believe she had come from such a weird family . The Moon was up before Hank turned on to Utah Ridge Road . He knew he was too late , but he didn 't take his foot off of the gas peddle until he slammed it on the brake peddle at the gate to the compound . He slid to a stop sideways in the driveway . He drove the Porsche around the first bend in the tree - lined driveway before he put the car into Park . He pushed the button that slid the window down , turned off the ignition , and listened . There was nothing to hear at first except the tick of the cooling engine and the breeze in the trees . " Shit , the pine trees , " Hank said out loud . If she was in the pine trees , she was closer than he liked . He wasn 't going to make it up to the house without running into her . Hank put his right hand on the butt of the Desert Eagle and opened his door with his left . After he slid to the ground , he eased the door shut with barely a click . That 's when he heard the second howl . She had heard him . Her ears were like directional microphones . He could picture her turning her head at the sound of the car door closing . She would have thrown her head back and howled a warning . She wanted her prey to know she was hunting . Spooking the prey into a mistake was just the thing she loved to do . The good news was she was coming to him . The bad news was she was coming to him . Without hesitation , Hank sprinted off the driveway and into a small knot of brush off to his left . He had the Porsche and the open road between himself and Celeste . Celeste would be on his scent now that she was coming . She would follow his scent right across the road and into his hideout if the trunk release trick didn 't work . Hank was going to have to be at least 30 feet away from Celeste when the dart hit her , or she 'd still be able to get a paw or two on him before she went to sleep . The light - brown werewolf broke from cover about 20 yards in front of the Porsche . She froze for a moment to sniff the air . She could smell his fear ; Hank was sure of it . Celeste 's muzzle was long and slender . Hank could see the breeze flutter the soft fur at the nape of her neck . Her ears twitched in unison and then separately . Her black nose wrinkled as she turned slowly . She knew where Hank was . She could smell him and she could hear his heart hammering against his ribs . Celeste was playing ; she wanted to get him to break from his hiding place . Jesus , even as a werewolf , she was beautiful . Hank bit down on the trunk release button . The trunk clicked open a few inches . Celeste turned to check for an ambush . Hank leveled the tranq gun and pulled the trigger . Hank heard the growl from behind him . He flattened himself to the ground and had the sense of something just passing over his back . He heard the clack of empty jaws slamming together where his neck would have been . The second werewolf was flat against the road . Hank had never meant to hit it . He just wanted the boom of the . 50 caliber and the sound of breaking glass to give him a few seconds to get a fresh dart in the gun . The second werewolf leaped from the ground . Hank pulled the trigger . He didn 't hear the hiss of the dart and the whump of it hitting its intended target . He was momentarily deaf from emptying the Desert Eagle into his Porsche . Hank did feel the jarring thump as the werewolf hit him square in the middle of his chest . Hank went down in a jumble of biting , snapping werewolf . It was trying to tear his throat out , but missed on the first two tries . The third try would have been perfect , but the werewolf collapsed on top of Hank fast asleep . Hank got plastic cable ties out of a bag in the Porsche 's floor safe . He got to work quickly , and , when he was done , he had two hog tied werewolves . He finished just as the first werewolf started to twitch and stir . He still wasn 't going to put them in the Porsche and take them to the house . They were far too heavy and they could still bite Hell out of him . They 'd be safe out here until dawn when they would turn back into Celeste and most likely her Mom . Hank saw the damage to the Porsche was cosmetic . He tossed the key on the ground where Celeste could see it in the morning . Celeste and Sarah would shrink back to normal size when they changed , and the plastic ties would slip right off . I had stayed at work past seven . Most days , I don 't work that late , but the push was on to finish the manuals for the new software package even though the code wasn 't finalized . We were documenting a moving target which includes guessing about what the software should do . It required constant revision , but at least it was a colossal waste of time . My laptop case got stuck that evening when I tried to push it and my wide backside through the turnstile at the same time . The lady behind the glass had to come out and unlock the turnstile so I didn 't break it . I 'm sure the Regional Transit Authority paid more for that turnstile than I paid for my laptop case . Gabriela went through her turnstile smoothly . She got ahead of me going out onto the eastbound platform under the Terminal Tower . That 's when her butt captured my full attention . She was wearing a very professional , black suit with faint gray pinstripes . The slacks didn 't hug her butt ; they weren 't too tight or anything vulgar like that . The slacks draped her butt . The slacks hinted at the shape of her butt ; her slacks described her butt . My imagination was doing the rest . Her shoes had a really long , skinny heel and they were black ; I don 't know shoes so well . I 'm 6 feet 2 inches tall , and when I slid in next to Gabriela on the platform , the top of her head came to my collar bone . I 'd guess she was just over 5 feet tall . Her suit jacket was buttoned and fit her upper body like her slacks did her lower body . Her hair was black , thick , and straight . She had her hair tucked behind small , perfect pink ears , and her face was sharp without being hard . Her eyes were so brown they could have been black . " Anytime , " I said . " Anytime at all . " Then I realized I hadn 't let go of the bag when she grabbed her end of it . I let go of the bag and ran behind a platform pillar to hide my embarrassment as Gabriela opened her phone and began to dial . Gabriela sat in the back - left of the train . I sat three seats ahead of her near the accordion door in the middle of the train . I was starting to creep myself out a little because I rarely got this stupid about women . I had worn a wife out about 5 years previously , and I was a complete disaster on dates . My buddy Mitchell says I screw dates up because I don 't want to be happy . He says I 'm punishing myself for the divorce . He doesn 't understand what 's really going on . Mrs . Ruger , my third - grade teacher wrote in my permanent record that she believed I needed counseling . I was first judged crazy by Mrs . Ruger when I was 8 years old . Here I was twenty - eight years later stalking a beautiful olive - skinned woman easily ten years my junior while riding public transportation . I became ashamed of myself and turned away from staring . It was probably just loneliness . Every blue moon I 'd get like that , but a weekend spent surfing the web for porn usually took care of the problem . The third passenger was a guy on the other side of the aisle and the other side of the door . He caught my attention because he was thin and you could tell from his five o ' clock shadow that he could grow a full beard in a week . My beard was pretty wispy even though I 'd had it for 18 years . I immediately hated the other passenger because he had greater beard potential . When the train slowed for the East 79th Street stop , Mr . Five O ' clock Shadow got up like it was his stop . God help me , but I remember thinking , just for a second , " Wow , you don 't see many white guys get off the Rapid at East 79th Street . " That little racist thought saved Gabriela 's life and changed mine , so I have since forgiven myself . When the double doors opened up , Mr . Shadow started down the steps . On the bottom step , he turned and braced his back against the open door . Then the guy pulled a cannon of a handgun out from somewhere inside his brown leather jacket and pointed it in Gabriela 's direction . I caught Mr . Shadow in the shoulder and the elbow on his right side . I heard a sickening crack before Mr . Shadow dropped the cannon and flew out the door into the concrete wall at the top of the stairs at the East 79th Street stop . His skull made another sick cracking sound and he slumped against the base of the wall . As the door closed and the train pulled away , I could see there was a lot of blood . I dropped back into my seat like I fell out of a tree . I swallowed hard and stared back at Gabriela staring at me . Then we both looked at the gun . Then we looked back at each other . " The gun , pick it up by the barrel , point it at the floor . Before you put it in your case , however , push that red button near the trigger in until it clicks . Do this quickly because we do not want anyone to get on the train , see the gun , and call the police , " Gabriela 's color was coming back and as she spoke her voice gained authority . " I 'm Gene , and I don 't know your Dad . I don 't know you . That guy was going to kill you , " I saw my own face in the train window . On the outside , I looked blank ; on the inside , I was nearing hysteria . " Yep , and probably you , " Gabriela said . When I started to stammer a reply , She held a finger to her lips and pulled the cell phone out of her purse , opened it and punched in a number , " Carmine , drop everything and bring Al in the Hummer to the Shaker Square Rapid station . Do it now . We are two stops away . There will be two of us . " " Gene , Gene , yo , Gene , " she started snapping her manicured fingers in my face . " We are getting out at Shaker Square . Two very big , very ugly men will be waiting for us with a bullet - proof Hummer . " The men were big . Carmine was half a head taller than me and he was the little one . They were ugly too . Carmine and the other guy , Alvise , " Call me Al , " had noses that had been broken in opposite directions . Carmine had an angry red scar just behind his left ear that ran down into the collar of the opened throated blue work shirt he was wearing . " No police , " she said . " It was me , Gene , the shooter , and the driver . That driver had to hear something . Gene here kicked that son - of - a - bitch clear out of the train . I think he broke his fuckin ' arm . It happened at 79th Street ; the guy smacked the wall with his head pretty good . " Carmine pulled a cell phone from inside his Indians jacket and made a call , " Lenny , get someone down to the Green Road Rapid station . Someone tried to off Joe 's kid on the train . The driver didn 't call the police , so the driver was probably in on it . " Carmine listened to the response , " No , don 't fuckin ' kill the driver . Joe will want us to have a few words with the driver to determine if the driver needs some killing . Also , get someone down to the East 79th Street stop . The shooter might still be there . " The phone went back in the Indians jacket , and Carmine smiled a smile that was big and frightening , " So , Gene , is it ? You broke the fucker 's arm . Not bad for a fuckin ' Mick . " Each house was built of the same dark grey stone with heavily shuttered , recessed windows . Each was a story and a half with silvered cedar shingled roofs and low eves . One - hundred year old oaks and expensive landscaping sheltered each building . As we pulled up , the thick front door of the big house opened and two men in dark suits walked down the three low steps to the driveway . The older of the two was thin and wore a spotless white shirt with a silver tie . The younger man wore a shirt just as white but with a light blue tie . Both men looked agitated . Carmine stepped out of the Hummer and bent to whisper something into Daddy 's ear . Daddy 's eyes jerked toward me in the middle of Carmine 's whisper . When Carmine finished , Daddy nodded his head and whispered something to Carmine . Then , he moved to the Hummer and offered me his hand . I took his hand and he grasped mine in both of his , " My name is Joseph Segesta , and as soon as I have had a chance to speak with my daughter and take care of a few things , I will thank you properly for what you have done . Until I can see you again , I 've told Carmine to make sure you get something to eat if you wish . Is there anything else you need ? " " Whoa , Rambo , " Carmine said as he grabbed my shoulder in one of his huge hands and held me up . " You 've had a big day . Come with me and let 's get you to that bathroom . " " No , that 's OK , " Carmine said holding up a hand . " You got it . The boss is a criminal ; I 'm a criminal ; Paulie 's a criminal ; Gabriela is a criminal . We all work for a criminal enterprise , but it isn 't exactly what you 're thinking . We are lawyers . " " Lot 's of people would if they thought they could get away with it , " Carmine said with a laugh . " Drink your beer , Irish . We are lawyers and we are criminals . We are a criminal enterprise that specializes in representing criminal enterprises . We fix things and untangle things and arrange financing for things . It 's enough for you to know that we are criminals , but we try to be nice criminals . " " Killing people is impolite and sloppy , " Carmine said . " We prefer to pay people off , sue people into submission , blackmail them , or smack them around a little . You catch more flies with sugar , as they say . Any way , I am telling you this not to scare you , but to warn you that you have fallen in with thieves through no fault of your own , " Carmine stood up and paced in front of me . " If you are thinking you were in the wrong place at the wrong time , I want you to stop , " continued Carmine . " For Mr . Segesta , you were in the best possible place at the best possible time for his daughter and his family . All we ask of you is silence about what happened today . After today , never , ever bring this up again with anyone . If you can keep this arrangement , Mr . Segesta will be forever grateful . What do you say , Irish ? " I drank the second beer in three pulls . On an empty stomach , the two beers actually made me drowsy . Despite what had happened and where I was , I nodded off in the chair . " That 's true . But , I 'd be a truly pitiful criminal if I could find out who you are , " Mr . Segesta said . " We ran your fingerprints from inside the Hummvee through the FBI fingerprint database in Washington , D . C . , and we knew who you were in a matter of minutes . It was easy . " " Carmine is right , but vulgar , " Mr . Segesta said . " I was teasing you . You left your computer bag in the Hummvee , and your wallet was in one of the inside pockets . Can I offer you another drink or something to eat ? " " OK , you got me , " I said . " That 's pretty funny . I 'm really not terribly hungry , and those two beers went straight to my head ; I 'm fine . " Mr . Segesta opened the folder and balanced it in his lap . He began to read , " Eugene Gallagher Longford , born August 26 , 1971 . You were an only child . Your mother was Alice and your father was Henry . They are both unfortunately no longer with you . You 've been married once , you have no children , you were a Cub Scout but never a Boy Scout , and your credit rating is just over 630 . You work for a computer software company called Insight Systems , you write software and system manuals . You have a Visa and a Discover card on which you manage to pay the minimums every month . According to the divorce papers , you gave your ex - wife the house in Twinsburg in exchange for full custody of your dog , Sophie . Nothing in your life to this point can account for what you did on that train today . Why did you do that ? Do you even know ? " " And it 's not important ; what is important is that you have done this thing , " Mr . Segesta said . " You know something about yourself many people never get the chance to know . You can conquer fear . " " I didn 't have time to be scared , " I explained . " The guy pulled a gun and I just stood up . He could have shot me , but he turned his head and not the gun . The next thing I knew , his arm cracked and out he went . " " We 're lawyers , Irish , " Carmine laughed . " All you need to do is wait until the will is filed and everything will be as legal as we can make it look , and we can make it look absolutely legal . You just have to remember one thing . " " You will never know . Hey , don 't fuck this up by getting nosey , Irish , " Carmine said , dropping his huge arm heavily across my shoulders again . " I 'd hate to have to shoot you . "
|
A mom , a dad and two daughters . We 're living ordinary lives with a twist of 5p - ( Cri du Chat ) for spice . But we 're about so much more than our younger daughter 's genetic diagnosis . Ahh , 2012 . It was a good year . Back in January Alyssa turned nine and what a great year nine has been . She 's grown so tall and mastered so many amazing gymnastics feats . I won 't try and say what they are because I know I 'd get the names wrong and that would annoy Alyssa . She 's doing great in fourth grade and has some great friends . She bounced back from her tonsilectomy like a champ . She worried me there for a few days but finally turned that corner . 2012 brought , we hope , an end to sore throats for Alyssa . Olivia has learned the art of asking leading questions and getting the answers she wants , attempting to manipulate me and Tom . It 's fun when it 's not exasperating . I did it . I think we might have missed about ten days in the past year . Every other day ended with me and Olivia ( and more often than not , Alyssa ) snuggled under a blanket , reading three books . It 's been great for all of us . And we 're currently regulars at our local library . We take out so many books each week that at one point one of the librarians asked me if I homeschooled . I didn 't make any weight loss resolutions because , well , they don 't work for me . I have to be in the right frame of mind for that and it didn 't happen in 2012 . There are days when I hate myself because of it and other days where I think , " Ehhh , it 'll happen or it won 't , whatever . " On the screen , though , it was that much more impressive . The fact that we could get close ups of the actors ' faces , see their emotions , hear their pain . Hugh Jackman is stunning . I mean , we all knew that from his portrayal of Wolverine , right ? But his take on Jean Valjean was so much better . He made you want him to win , to get away , to start over . He made the audience believe that a man has the ability to change his life entirely and then to go on to have the biggest , most loving heart . And Anne Hathaway ? What can I say ? I cried so hard every single time she was on screen . Russel Crowe was wonderful as Javert . So he 's not the greatest singer but he still managed to put so much feeling into the character , he made it believable even with okay singing . It was just so thrilling and I can 't say enough about it . But I will stop there . Except to say that when the dvd is released ? I will absolutely pay full price on the first day of release . Okay , moving on . We were supposed to go to my mom 's today to make gingerbread houses . But she called this morning to ask if we could postpont until next week . She 's not feeling well . Even when I was pregnant with Alyssa , as that last month wound down and the end of the pregnancy loomed , I knew what I was in for . I knew that the moment she was born , my life as I knew it would change . I knew it and I dreaded it even as I yearned to hold her and see her and learn her . I still worried a bit over the loss of time and self and independence . I wanted that baby . She was planned and yearned for and still I fretted over the changes I knew were coming . And when she was born that sense of responsibility started immediately . I knew she needed me and I wanted to be there for her . Even in the hospital , with the nurses urging me to sleep and let them care for her I wanted her with me , to be the one who took care of her from the beginning even though I knew we were in this for the long haul . Olivia woke up about three times last night . She is not a child who wakes up , rolls over and goes back to sleep . She wants company in the darkness , she wants reassurance that I 'm there , that my hand will rub her back , that my lips will kiss her face and I will smooth her hair out of her eyes . She wants to be able to put my fingers right on the spot that itches on her arm and know I 'll sooth the itch , that my arm will pillow her head as she drifts back to sleep . I 've mentioned that Alyssa was a terrible sleeper as an infant . She woke many times in the night until she was two years old . And even after that , she tended to wake at least ones a night for a few more years . As she looks toward her tenth birthday , she 's an awesome sleeper . She still tends to wake up earlier than I 'd prefer , she does manage not to wake me in the night . This , I appreciate . A couple of nights a week ? Okay , fine , we can handle that . But every single night ? I 'm so tired . I feel like I 've been tired for almost ten years . We 've got a busy weekend planned . I probably have more plans for this weekend than I have any other weekend of 2012 . As I sit here and complain about having no down time , I remember that I 'm seeing a movie with my mom this evening , going to her house with the girls tomorrow to make gingerbread houses and then on Sunday , Tom and I are going bowling while my mom babysits . We have lots of down time planned and I 'm grateful . I still cry out for a little more down time at night . And I won 't apologize for that . Not today . Once I 'd won the first round , we started a movie and just sat together , enjoying a moment of just us . She spent the night with my mom the night before and so I kept telling her how glad I was that she was there , at home , with us . I miss her when she 's gone , even if it 's just for a night . We were maybe three turns in when Olivia woke up and came to find us . Her eyes were red from having woken up to find me not next to her . I pulled her close to me and told Alyssa we could finish our game tomorrow . I know that sometimes , we need to know that the world doesn 't revolve around us . I know that this is a lesson my girls need to learn . But sometimes , some nights , it 's nice to know that your mom 's world does revolve around you . I was glad to let Alyssa be my gravitational pull last night , the one around whom I revolved , even if just for a few moments . She needed that and so did I . When Alyssa was little ( littler ? ) she had a favorite blanket . She called it ' white blankie with pink . ' She called it that because , well , it was a white blanket with pink satin binding . It was soft and lovely and she took it everywhere with her . We still have white blankie with pink but it 's no longer a necessity for Alyssa to fall asleep . We read her three books and she settled down to let me rub her back and scratch her arms . She pulled a corner of my blanket up to her face and whispered again how soft it was . She wrapped that corner around her arm , taking in the lovely sensory input that gave her . About fifteen minutes later , she was starting to doze and I realized she 'd managed to pull the blanket almost completely off my lap and around her little body . When I carried her to bed , I took the gray and white blanket with us . She slept most of the night not having to touch me because she had that nice , soft , warm blanket to warm her . It was almost comical . In fact , I kind of started to wonder if she was putting us on . I mean , she spend time over every single present , taking moments to go find the person who gave her the gift and thanking them specifically for that gift . It was hilarious and heart - warming . The child who wasn 't supposed to be aware enough of her own surroundings was able to appreciate every moment of the magic of Christmas . And you know what ? Even if she was just acting , that shows even more awareness . It shows that she knows how she 's supposed to react when someone gives her a present . Tom 's sons made their way to our house today and they brought with them two wives and five kids . The capacity of our home increased by nine . It was awesome . And even more amazing ? Olivia didn 't show much jealousy at all when I held four month old Noah or nine month old Isaac . She 's growing up and maturing and I know how lucky I am to say that . I love the way my nephew speaks . He 's a very typical five year old . He has been the measuring stick by which Olivia has often been compared . Except , we don 't really . She 's watched him do things , figured out how to do them too and life goes on . I think I get a kick out of Jaxon 's speech because he is so typical , he 's so unselfconscious about the things he says . He 's so much like Alyssa was at that age . Or maybe she was younger . She was the kid who was speaking in full paragraphs at 15 months . But she also called macaroni ' macamoni ' for several months . She also said , " Aww , bap . " Which was awesome because she meant " Aww , crap . " Olivia , on the other hand , seems to be aware of her own difficulties with speech and so she 's very careful to enunciate her words , to speak clearly and not mangle her any of her sounds . It happens every year . I make a list of gifts I want to get for the girls for Christmas . I make a list for Tom , my mom , my brothers , my step - dad and my dad . And by this point , five days before Christmas , I feel like I 'm done , I 'm ready . Except , I 'm not . I haven 't wrapped a single gift for the girls . I have wrapped every gift for the older kids and their kids . I 've also wrapped the teachers ' gifts and the gifts for the bus drivers as well as one for my mom . But everything else is waiting in the trunk of my car to be wrapped . Yet I don 't know how to stop doing it this way . We 're very lucky that we can give what we do , that we have a home and healthy children . We 're lucky in so many ways and I want to remind my girls of that in ways that don 't involve sparkly paper covering Barbie movies and princess dolls . I 'm getting snarkier in my old age . Well , at least more vocal with my snark . I 've always been a bit ( okay , a lot ) snarky in my head but until these last few years , I 've typically managed to keep it in my head , off my face and most importantly out of my mouth . Edited because I realized that the original paragraph I had here crossed the line that divides snark and mean - spirited . I 'm okay with snark but I don 't want to be mean . And honestly , the person who used the things I was being mean about more than likely doesn 't even know that I or my silly little blog exist . But I do and I 'd just rather not be a mean girl . At least not if I can help it . And in this instance , I can and so I will . See , she needs fillings . And she doesn 't enjoy getting fillings . Does anyone ? I don 't , that 's for sure . And I 'm not six years old and already a bit of a mama 's girl . At this point , I said , " That 's a great idea . I could work most of the day and you could bring her to me to take to Fort Wayne for the appointment . " The pediatric dentist is in Fort Wayne . I work in Angola . That 's at least a 45 minute drive , depending on if you 're going to the dentist on the north side of town or the one on the south side . This new me ? I think we 're all happier with her . Even Tom , who has to bring Olivia to me the day of her dentist appointment . Except we did . I pushed and he got annoyed and the cupboards were abused . Later , we passed in the kitchen and exchanged a smile and all was forgiven on both sides . I sure to bathe the girls well . And I make great cookies . And I 'm really good at laying out clothes for the girls each Sunday for the rest of the week . I am the master of laundry and potato soup . I also pack Alyssa 's lunch really , really well . I should , I 've been packing those lunches for four and a half years . I 've mentioned that she 's never once purchased the school lunch , right ? It 's true . I did take a moment to point out to him that I try and tell him on a regular basis how much appreciate all that he does . I try and let him know how amazing I think he is and how hard I know he works . I gently mentioned that it might be nice if he tried that with me . It might amaze him how much that changes so much about my attitude and general responses to him and perhaps life in general . Her current coat , which is a size 5 and the sleeves just keep seem to be shrinking , is purple , with sparkly fur lining the inside . And best of all ? It is reversible , so when her dad 's not at home , she pulls the sleeves through and wears it like the pelt of a sparkly purple mink . The first few coats were just too . . . plain . Or she 'd find another fault . The sleeves were too long , the hood was too low , the zipper was too rough . I finally found a pink coat with a soft , light pink lining . I told her we were getting it . She sighed and said , " If that 's the best we can do . " Three - the number of months we managed to go before someone spilled something on the new couch . In her defense , Olivia didn 't actually spill anything , it was more of a spew when she projectile vomited all over it last night . Ick . Eight - the number of hours I left the hair color in Alyssa hair to achieve the red at the ends . She slept with her hair in a ponytail and the ends of that ponytail in a baggy . No linens were stained in the process . Go me . My brother is getting married in July . He 's very excited about this as would be expected . His fiancé is a lovely woman who has asked me to be one of her bride 's maids ( matron ? ) So … come January 2 , I will be starting phase 1 of South Beach . And dare I say it ? I 'm actually getting excited to do so . Last time I did South Beach I stayed on phase 1 for six months . Yes , yes the book says to only do it for two weeks but it worked so well ( for the time I did it . The minute I started eating my normal I started gaining . ) I lost 60 pounds in those six months , which made phase 1 easy for me . And if this , in Olivia 's words , " giant belly " disappears too ? That 's just a bonus . And maybe , just maybe , I 'll feel so good this time around that I won 't want to go back to eating the shit I 've been eating for the past year that has brought me to this low place on which the number on the scale is so very , very high . I wonder … where does this sense of entitlement come from ? This young woman doesn 't seem to want to pay her dues . She wants to go directly from a mediocre high school career into a cushy , high paying , low stress job . I paid my dues . I waitressed through high school . I was a cashier at a grocery store . I 've worked production at more factories than I can count . While in college , I worked in the cafeteria , often in the dish room , washing the nasty dishes that my peers , disgusting college students , sent back , perhaps thinking a robot was back there to clean the peanut butter out of the bottom of a glass or the melted marshmallow out of a microwaved dish . I fully expect 16 year old Alyssa to get a job at the local dairy treat or the Burger King down the road . I expect her to pay for her own gas if she ends up with a car . I expect her to go to college and help pay the tuition by working while in college . Alyssa has been practicing the recorder for months . She loves that thing . And honestly , listening to just one recorder being practiced isn 't such a bad thing . We do have to put a time limit on it because I think she 'd ' practice ' all day long if we let her . And that ? It just can 't happen , not if we all want to remain reasonably sane . For all the torture that is a group of nine and ten year olds playing recorders , I will say I was pleasantly surprised to find that when I was surrounded by those very same students at the end of the concert , I wasn 't overwhelmed by the stench of puberty . Good call , moms and dads of boys and girls alike , on the generous use of deodorant before heading to the school last night . Posted by At parents , we take the things our children say and do very personally . We take their accomplishments personally as well as their negative behavior . We can 't help it . Our kids reflect back on us , on our parenting skills or lack of . But then I remind myself that responsibility is one thing but guilt is another . I may be responsible for my kids ' actions to a certain extent , I can 't wallow in guilt over these actions . That gets us nowhere . Mandy sent an email earlier this week mentioning the Tea Party . This email made me mae think that the party was yesterday . I confirmed the time with Julie but didn 't mention the date . I asked her if the princess she wanted should be a princess baby or a princess Barbie . She gave it a few minutes of thought , really considering the benefits of both and decided , " I want it to be a princess Barbie because I really do like Barbies a lot . But don 't forget the nail polish too . I really need some new colors . " Exhibit A : Alyssa had a two hour delay this morning due to ' professional development ' . Do you think that child used those two hours to catch up on her sleep ? Oh no , not on your life ! She was up at the usual time of ten minutes after dawn or , as some call it , 6 : 10 . Not one to waste a minute of possible flipping time , she was cartwheeling around the house by 6 : 30 . And also ugh ? Tom usually wakes up happy and when he 's happy , he sings . This used to irritate the shit out of me . Mostly because I 'm a horrible person who begrudges other people any sort of happiness if it has to happen before 8am . But this morning as I headed down the stairs to pack Alyssa 's lunch , I heard Tom in the kitchen , singing . He doesn 't tend to sing songs you 'd actually hear on the radio or even songs that have actually been composed by anyone with any sort of musical training . He 's been known to sings numbers or letters , just belting out words to no real tune . Instead of being irritated by this serenade I stopped and smiled . It hit me that he hasn 't been singing much lately . So it was nice to hear him singing because it meant he was happy . Yes , my inner bitch kept her mean mouth shut , even in my head . I stood for a minute on the stairs and took it all in . The sounds of Alyssa flipping hands over feet from the living room to the family room , Olivia chirping to Tom about the braid I 'd just put in her hair and Tom singing in the background . One of the benefits of not getting Olivia 's diagnosis until she was two years old is that I never wondered if I could parent a child with special needs . I never worried that I couldn 't handle it because I was handling it . I had been handling it for over two years before we got the official diagnosis . By the time we got the 5p - diagnosis , we were actually in a much better place than we 'd been during O 's infancy , when we were being told by doctor after doctor that she was fine , she was going to catch up , she was just loud but not sick . No , not sick at all . I read about parents who worry about being able to care for a sick or special needs child and I want to hug them . I want to tell them that it 'll be okay , even if it isn 't okay . My cousin , Holly , knew at 18 weeks pregnant that she was going to have a child with medical issues . She found out in her 32nd week of pregnancy that her daughter was going to have even more problems than they 'd found at 18 weeks . She went into parenting knowing it was going to be tough , but she also knew she loved her daughter before she was born . She was willing to do whatever it took to give her daughter the best life she could have . Even though Olivia spent eleven days in the NICU , when she came home , I thought we were good to go . I thought we 'd settle into being a family of four . I thought O would be much the same as A had been as a baby . I knew to expect fussiness and sleeplessness . I knew nursing wouldn 't be easy ( can we say non - existent for both girls ? ) and I knew I 'd hate pumping with a fiery passion . But I didn 't know she 'd cry pretty much non - stop for the first six months of her life . I didn 't know she 'd fail to reach milestone after milestone . I didn 't expect t start therapies when she was a year old . I had no clue that we 'd end up with a genetic anomaly as a diagnosis . I 'd also proven that I could parent a child with delays while still being a pretty damned good mom to my firstborn . I 'll admit , that was a fear of mine when we decided to have a second child . I worried that Alyssa would suffer and that fear came without knowing about the special needs our second child would bring with her . The thing is , we all do what we have to do . We do it and we usually do it well because it has to be done so we step up . We take a deep breath and we get on with life . And that 's what I 'd tell any parent who has gotten any diagnosis that brings special needs with it . You can do this . You can keep getting up every single day and making it through meals and homework and therapies and doctors ' appointments . You will do it because the other option … well , most of us don 't feel like there is any other option . We do it because we love our children more than we ever imagined possible and we want more for them than doctors predict is possible and we know , WE KNOW , that our children are more than their diagnosis . We know that our children are individuals with personalities that are unique and their abilities are just as unique and they will surprise people every single day of their lives . We know this because they have surprised us from the start . The capacity to love is a surprise , the fierce need to protect is a surprise . The joy a smile can bring is a surprise . So yes , sometimes , that surprise diagnosis can be devastating but there is so much good waiting around the corner . So keep putting one foot in front of the other until you get to turn that corner . We 're not . Busy , that is . At least , not compared to others out there who have almost constant activities , places to be , things to do . Once O 's asleep , Alyssa attaches herself to my side for at least a half hour , soaking me in . And I soak her in too . I know these moments are numbered , these times when she wants to be next to me , touching me , laughing with me , watching inane television with me . When Alyssa finally drops off , I have about ten minutes until it 's time for me to go to sleep too . Though I usually turn those ten minutes into an hour because , hello , alone , I 'm ALL ALONE . Have I mentioned that I need alone time to recharge so that I can give my all to those around me who want all of me ? Yes ? It cannot be repeated often enough . Our one truly busy day , Thursday is just hectic enough that I don 't relish the idea of adding more days like that to the week . I get of work at 4 : 30 , I drive directly to my mom 's , 18 miles away , where the girls are hanging out after school . When I arrive , Alyssa takes that as her cue to change into her gymnastics clothes . I find a ponytail holder because I know she 'll forget . I find Olivia 's shoes and socks ( she takes them off the instant she walks in the door at my mom 's . She says her feet are sweaty and she hates sweaty feet . ) and make her let me put them on her . I gather coats and backpacks . We are usually pulling out of the driveway 20 minutes after I get there and head back to town . Olivia and I wait in uncomfortable chairs for an hour while Alyssa flips and bends and swings and balances . She loves the class . And I love that she loves it . But the waiting ? Boring . I 've already let her know that Olivia and I might have to start making mini trips … somewhere during that hour . Just because I get tired of trying to entertain O . I know , I could leave her home with Tom but she doesn 't ' want to stay home with him and any working mom will understand that I 'm already away from my girls 40 + hours a week , even one more hour ( two if you count travel time ) feels like too much . So , we 're not busy even though it often feels like we are . Or perhaps busyness is in the eye of the beholder . What seems like busy to some feels relaxed and easy to others and what seems frantic and insane to one person will just feel like everyday busyness to another . I had to leave home early this morning to get to work early because of inventory . Ahh , counting isn 't something this former English major enjoys . Alas , we do what the boss tells us , right ? I went back to bed ( one that didn 't already hold Olivia and her bulbous head ) and lay there , wide awake . I was worried I wouldn 't hear my alarm . Duh , I always hear the stupid alarm . Except when I don 't , right ? I finally fell back to sleep only to be woken up by Olivia , who 'd left the bed I 'd abandoned her in and traveled across the room to find me . She was itchy , she said . It was 4am . I wasn 't right back . But she did go back to sleep . Woo hoo ! I looked out the bathroom window again and saw that the fog had thickened . Yes , the fog was that dense . I was reminded once again how lucky we are that Tom works from home . I didn 't have to worry about childcare or how to get the girls to that childcare . I know they 're home , safe and sound , probably wearing gymnastics suits and watching season seven of Bewitched . Ahem . Yes , he came to tell me he was leaving . Thought honestly , I can say that I 'd be pretty aware of his absence if I came downstairs at 8 : 00 with the girls trailing behind me like a couple of ducklings even without his announcing it to me in my slumbering state . Alas , I asked too much . He really , truly couldn 't spare the time to do that . He needed to get to Auto Zone and back out and back home in record time to work on that van . As the girls and I drove to the post office , my phone rang . It was the sender of the package . He said he was leaving the auction area and would be home , probably , with just enough time to get the package to the post office . Where was I ? So I pulled away , telling Tom that I needed to drive around the block and find another parking spot . He informed me that those spots are actually only reserved at 7am , for loading . He 's right . I then said , " Oh , I could have parked in the slanted spots in front of the post office instead of going around the block to park in the parallel spots . " Which I am , by the way . I know how big my bosom and belly are . But you know what ? I 'm not all that worried about it these days . Yes , I hate being heavy but I also know what needs to be done to fix it and if I 'm not at a point where I can do the things that need to be done , well , so be it . And let me tell you … this acceptance , this self - forgiveness ? It 's gone a long way toward making me a better mother and wife . I don 't take every single thing Tom says and analyze the shit out of it . I don 't wonder why he said something with just the exact words he did . I don 't wonder about any hidden meanings . I figure if he has something to say , he 'll say it . He 's a guy . They usually don 't hint around . My mothering has come so far in such a short time . Yes , I still get irritable . I still get grouchy . But when it happens , I apologize , I hug the girls and I let it go . I 'm grateful that they do too . My patience seems to be stronger and lasts longer . You know the old saying , " If mama isn 't happy , no one is happy . " I think it 's very , very true . I 'm grateful that these days I 'm pretty happy which makes my entire family happy . I 'm still learning that my own happiness starts with me but I 'm getting there and that 's all I can ask of myself . I love the perspective these groups give me . I love that parents and caregivers can share celebrations and concerns about our kids , get advice or just virtual hugs ( though , honestly ? Someone typing ' hugs ' is just short of irritating , just saying ) when things are tough . We definitely do not have this problem with Olivia . She 's one of the most affectionate kids I 've ever met . In fact , there are times when I have heard myself yell , " Stop kissing your sister ! " I know . Such a stupid thing to have to yell but there you have it . However , I don 't think Olivia is kissing her sister to be affectionate so much as she 's doing it to annoy her sister . Another thing I 've learned by being a part of these groups is that autism is often an added ' bonus ' to kids with 5p - . Bummer , huh ? I mean , talk about adding up the challenges . 5p - already challenges an individual 's ability to communicate . Add in a touch of autism and damn . So far , Olivia doesn 't show any signs of autism . We do have it on her IEP because it gets her better services . Being aware of the possibility is part of the battle , though . We shower Olivia with affection and she gives it back just as much . Sometimes , if you ask Alyssa , Olivia is too affectionate . I realize , though , how lucky we are that she is able to show us how much she loves us in so many ways . Not everyone is that lucky and that makes me very sad . We 've made a pretty big deal about six this past week or so . Her actual party was over a week ago and so this birthday thing has been a long , drawn out event for her . So it makes sense that she 'd wonder about something like that . I was lucky enough to be able to take a half day off work yesterday and take cupcakes to Olivia 's class to help celebrate her birthday . I can tell whenever I walk into her classroom that her little mind is blown by the fact that her two worlds are colliding and she isn 't sure how to react to such an event . She goes a little crazy for a few minutes with the glee of having MOM right there in the same space at her school friends , her teachers , her routine . After snack , I was able to sit with Olivia at one of the classroom computers and watch her play one of the games on pbskids . org . She did so well . She knows every letter of the alphabet , upper and lower cases . Over the weekend , Olivia was counting . She got to 49 . When she stopped at 49 , I looked at her and asked what came next . She gave me a mischievous grin and said , " Fifty ten ! " Six just might be the year of mischief . And you know ? That would be great . Olivia has an amazing sense of humor and she has so much energy . The problem with all that energy ? If it isn 't channeled well , it can turn fairly quickly into naughtiness . She 's maturing , growing , proving doctors wrong every single day as far as what can be expected from a child with 5p - syndrome . On this day six years ago , I was 41 weeks , 2 days pregnant . Even though the doctor who 'd performed the level II ultrasound all those weeks early when I was 22 weeks pregnant had moved the due date to November 29th due to the small size of the baby , I knew my dates . I knew the due date was November 18th . I had the first appointment of the day and so didn 't have to wait when we got to the doctor 's office . I was seated in a comfy recliner , given a device with a button and told to press the button each time the baby moved . I also had a monitor strapped to my stomach , which was keeping track of the baby 's heart rate . When our half hour was up , we were taken to another room and told to wait for the doctor . He didn 't make us wait long . He came into the room and asked , " How would you like to have a baby today ? " The results of the stress test weren 't what he 'd like to have seen . The baby was moving just fine . Her heart was beating just fine . But when she moved , they wanted to see her heart rate increase as a result of the movement . Our girl 's heart was just beating away at a steady pace , not increasing when she moved , not decreasing when she didn 't move . The maternity ward at the hospital was expecting us . I was gowned and monitored . I let the nurse know that when I 'd had Alyssa I 'd had to pee . Like , a lot . She assured me this was fine , it was normal , she 'd seen it all . Ha ! The inserted the Cervidil at 11 : 00 , hoping to soften my cervix , which was currently very much closed and not interested in doing much else . After a few hours , they said , they 'd see how the Cervidil was doing and then start the Pitocin . I assured them that my previous delivery had worked just fine with just Pitocin . Around noon , they brought me lunch . I 'd taken three bites of broccoli when the nurse came in and took the food away , saying that the doctor didn 't like the way the baby was reacting to the Cervidil . Her heart rate was decreasing at regular intervals . The doctor was sure that Pitocin alone wasn 't going to do the job and so didn 't want me to eat in case a c - section was in my near future . This doctor was not the one who 'd delivered Alyssa , he didn 't know my history with Pitocin . I again assured that nurse that the Pitocin would do the job and we 'd have this baby vaginally . She nodded as if she believed me but told me she had to follow the doctor 's orders . So … no food for me . At 1 : 30 , I threw up the little bit of broccoli I 'd eaten . Ick ! As the nurse held the bowl for me , I whispered an apology . I told her I 'd peed as I 'd puked . Gross . She told me it was no big deal and helped clean up the bed for me . There was blood along with the pee , she said . That was a good sign . By 2 : 00 , the contractions were very regular . Olivia didn 't like the contractions at all . Each one caused her heart rate to decrease so the nurse asked me to lay on my left side . My mom and step dad arrived at the hospital around 3 : 00 and took Alyssa with them . They took her to eat and then to Walmart , giving Tom some time to just stand beside me and hold my hand . My left hip was starting to ache from laying on it . Though it did get a little respite every fifteen minutes when I had to get up to pee . The nurse finally admitted that I really did have to pee more often than any other laboring mother she 'd ever had . Huh , something to be proud of , I guess . When the doctor finally stopped trying to break a water that had already broken , he checked my progress again . Still a six . I had a major contraction at that point and the doctor decided to check me one more time before he went to have dinner . That one contraction had taken me from 6 to 9 . My mom and Lyle got back with Alyssa . Tom met them at the door , letting them know that we were on the verge of pushing . My mom said she had food for Tom when it was all over and took Alyssa to wait . As with Alyssa 's birth , I felt pressure and told the nurse that I was trying not to push but I couldn 't help it . She called for the doctor and he arrived just in time to tell me we were ready and to go ahead and push . Yeah , I though , I could tell . They took Olivia immediately to a warming table and three nurses surrounded her . I couldn 't get much of a glimpse as they worked on her but I could see her struggling to breathe . Her ribs were visible with each breath she tried to take . Tom stood by my side , also blocking my view of Olivia . I finally realized how drugged I really was when the father of another baby born at the exact same time Olivia was born asked me who our doctor was . I told him Dr . Miller . That is not the name of the doctor who delivered Olivia . It is , though , the name of the doctor who 'd delivered this guy 's baby . Weird . I realized I should probably sit down . My mom sat with me when our family doctor came in to talk about Olivia . He 'd examined her and had determined that she needed to be in a bigger hospital . He wanted to know which one they should call for transfer . I blinked at him and mumbled something like , " Oh , it doesn 't matter , wherever you think is best . " My mom stepped in and told him to send her to the hospital that was twenty minutes from our home . She 's the best , my mom . Especially when I 'm high and she isn 't . The pediatrician arrived from Bigger Hospital . They bundled three - hour old Olivia into a travel incubator , put that incubator into an ambulance and off they went with Tom in hot pursuit . My mom and Lyle took Alyssa home with them and I realized I was so tired I couldn 't see straight . But after about five hours of sleep , I couldn 't stand it any longer . I managed to stay in bed until just after 6 the next morning . After I showered , I made myself wait until 7am to call Julie and let her know that Olivia was here but that she had been admitted to the NICU at a larger hospital . I realize now , six years later , how hard that phone call must have been for Julie given her own history with an infant and an extended NICU stay . By 10 I was losing my mind . I needed to get out of there . The doctor finally showed up a little after 10 and told me Olivia had very low APGAR scores . I didn 't care . He also told me it appeared she 'd stopped growing around 35 weeks gestation . We know now that her low birth weight of 5lbs 2oz wasn 't due to intrauterine growth retardation but rather a symptom of 5p - syndrome . He also told me if we hadn 't induced and delivered the day before , Olivia might not have made it another couple of days . Again , with time we 've come to realize we 're actually lucky she was nine days overdue . She needed those extra nine days to cook . By 10 : 30 , I was released . My mom came to get me and take me to my baby . She also brought my bigger baby to me and the relief at seeing Alyssa , hugging her , holding her made everything so much better . It didn 't matter . It was no longer about me . I had a baby I needed to see . And six years later , I often find myself leaving work with just two things one my mind . Alyssa and Olivia , the two brightest points of light in my life . Those dresses we bought yesterday ? They are very pretty . I plan to make the girls put them on and take a picture ( or ten ) of them in front of the Christmas tree . If we find one we like well enough , I 'll include them in Christmas cards to family this year . I 'm so on top of things , wouldn 't you say ? She tried her two picks first . They were fine . They were short sleeved , hit her just above the knee and hung straight from her shoulders down with a bit of gathering her and there . This dress was long sleeved , with a bodice made of a velvety material that hit just below her natural waist . The white skirt flared out and , like the other two , hit just above her knees . It was just girlier than the other two . I kind of love that in the end , after trying them all on , she chose the one I liked to begin with . I tried not to rub it in . But … I 'm human and it 's lovely to prove every once in a while that mother really does sometimes know best . This morning when I got up , I heard Olivia yelling at Tom , telling him he couldn 't eat her blueberry pancakes . He does that a lot , says things to her to make her argue with him . He claims it 's his way of helping her vocalize . I think it 's his way of making her argumentative . Tomato , tomahto . She likes to ask me each evening what we 're going to do the next day . When I told her we were going to the grocery store she asked me which grocery store we were going to . I told her we 'd probably end up at Walmart . She gave it a little thought and then reminded me that the ' real ' grocery store ( our local , family owned store ) has gumballs . Instead , Alyssa and Julie were in my mom 's back bedroom , exercising . My mom has a treadmill and an eliptical and the girls were taking turns using each machine . They 're so cute when they 're nine . The little kids were going back and forth from the middle bedroom to the living room . They were playing pirate and princesses . Jaxon declared that there was no way he was going to be a princess , hence the pirate part of the game . Though I do confess that it was lovely to be needed as Olivia fell asleep with her head in my lap , her hand clasping mine . I do still enjoy taking care of my kidlets . I 'm just glad the diaper days are in the past . Ahh , the holidays . The glow of the lights on the tree , the movies , the music . The wonder on the children 's faces as the tree goes up and the lights go on . The giggles as they find the perfect spot for each ornament . I asked Olivia nicely to stop handing me things when she was perfectly capable of putting them down . She didn 't listen . The third time she handed me an ornament after looking at it for a half a second , I snapped . I 'm tired and I am so ready for my darling children to go to sleep . Instead , I just spent twenty minutes scratching various parts of Olivia 's body while Alyssa held my other hand , constantly pressing in on the veins that are fairly prominent . She loves to do that . It drives me insane . But I try not to say anything because . . . she loves to do it . A couple of years ago , my mom , the girls and I went to a movie on Thanksgiving day . It was fun . I decided this year , Alyssa and I would do the same . We went and saw Breaking Dawn part 2 . Yes , I took my nine year old to see this movie . And really ? It was okay . There was a bit more smooching than necessary and Alyssa dealt with it just fine . I reminded her that the last one was in April and nowhere near a holiday . She reminded me that the one before that was on Halloween . Whatever , kid . Anyway ! ! ! Alyssa is once again a member of the No Cavity Club . Go her . Olivia … is not . Poor kid needs two fillings . One is actually not because of a cavity but rather because of a deformity in one of her newest molars , a crevice that will allow food ( or debris , as the dentist said , which … makes it sounds like she stands outside during a tornado with her mouth open ) to get trapped in there and cause decay . So they want to put some filling material in the crevice to protect the tooth . The problem ? Olivia is great during cleanings but actual fillings or other procedures don 't go so well . Her last encounter with the pediatric dentist who crowned one tooth and fixed another damaged tooth was horrible . She was a mess for hours after . And this is the dentist our current dentist wants me to take her to for the procedure . Our current dentist is just a regular old dentist . He isn 't classified as a pediatric dentist . But his office is perfect for cleanings and check ups . But he doesn 't feel comfortable trying to fill O 's teeth given her history . He thinks she needs to be gently sedated . And so … I hesitate . I know she needs the fillings . I know this . But I also don 't want to put her through another experience like the one she had two years ago . Then again , I remind myself that she 's older , more mature and then I laugh at myself because , duh , she 's still only six ( or will be when we do actually make it to the pediatric dentist . ) I was not so much wide awake . But I did get up and take her to the bathroom , I too her wet pull up off of her and tucked her into my bed . I laid next to her , my back to her and tried to go back to sleep . She asked me to hold her , which I did . She asked me to rub her back . Again , I did as she requested . Then , I told her I was tired and was done scratching . Huh . Yeah , but no , not really . By this time it was 5am . My stupid alarm was going to go off in a half hour . I was so flipping tired . I just muttered , " You need to go to sleep . " ( I usually apologize for any grouchiness in the middle of the night . I might get a little snippy but then I 'll tell her I 'm sorry but I 'm just really , really tired . ) I rolled back toward her , put my arm under her shoulders , pulled her close and kissed her head . She asked me to rub her hair . I did . This morning Olivia woke at her usual 5 : 30 and requested that I go downstairs and get her Dream Lite for her . I told her it was at the end of her bed and rolled over . She found the light and proceeded to ooh and ahh over it for the next half hour . I reminded him that it was actually NOT her birthday so she knew she wouldn 't be getting anything . Sort of like , duh . Except … over the years my aunts , lovely women all , have gotten into the habit of getting small things for every child who will be at a party , whether they 're the birthday girl / boy or not . And I find this irritating . Why do all the kids need presents just because the birthday child is getting one ? Where did this come from ? I feel like it just feeds into that sense of entitlement . I 've worked hard over the years to remind my girls that some days are for others . That sometimes , we 're celebrating them and other times , we 're celebrating other people . And just because one person gets a gift doesn 't mean everyone gets one . What do you know ? It 's worked . Alyssa loved watching the other open their presents . She loved seeing the joy on their faces as they got the very things they wanted . I think a lot of nine year olds can have this sort of generosity , if we teach it to them . But then again , maybe she 's just a really good kid with an amazing mom . Yeah , that 's got to be it . The best present of the day ? Dream Lites , courtesy of Gram . Olivia got the purple butterfly , Sabella got the rainbow unicorn and Jaxon got the brown dog . They love them so , so much . At one point in the party , all four kids ( Alyssa was there , of course ) disappeared . Jason came to report that he 'd found them and was yelled at by Jaxon . He was told to close the door , the kids were trying to sleep with their Dream Lites ( can I tell you how much it annoys me to have to type lights that way ? ) So . . . we went to the library . I fed them a nutrionally empty meal at McD 's and we went to Meijer to pick up things for the S / O / J birthday party tomorrow . Guess what the O stands for ? We also bought a new coat for Alyssa and new boots for both girls . They 're so happy with their winter outerwear . Since they were so good at Meijer , I decided to tempt fate and took them to Kohl 's with me to buy some new bras . I was down to my very last decent bra since the second to the last one blew a wire a few days ago while I was at work . You know how much that sucks ? I spent several hours attempting to subtly adjust the two ends of the wire that were jabbing me in the left breast . As mentioned several times before , I try to read to Olivia every night . It was one of my resolutions last January and it 's one of the few ( the only ? ) I 've ever managed to keep . The reason I made this resolution was because Olivia , at just over five years old was finally , finally willing and able to sit still and listen to an entire book in one sitting . We currently read three books each night and if I pause after the second book , she 'll ask when I 'm going to start the third . I love that she 's aware of how many stories we 're reading and that she reminds me if we haven 't read the required amount . This morning , though , as I was gathering my things to leave for work , Olivia brought Tom a book we 'd read the night before . She wanted to hear it again . I love that . I love that she 's getting to a stage where she wants to hear the same stories over and over . I know this is a phase that most kids hit around two or three years old but as always , Olivia is on her own schedule . And that 's okay . Today , that 's okay . She has heard the book Pinkalicious a few times and it has yet to get old for her . In fact , when I read it to her this past Thursday , she giggled and then asked if we had any green olives . We didn 't , but we do not and she 's already eaten almost half the jar . Ahem , yeah , that 's a lot of salt for a 44 pounder . Oh , did I mention that our visit to the doctor on Wednesday let me know that Olivia now weighs 44 pounds ? That 's pretty awesome , isn 't it ? I mean , that 's right there with typical six year olds . Wheee ! Oh yes , reading and repetition . She loves hearing stories . She loves to look at the books after I 've read them and trace the letters with her finger . She likes to tell me all the letters in the words . We 're pre - reading , is what I 'm saying . And I couldn 't be prouder of my sweet , super - special snowflake .
|
I met Matt as he , with his girlfriend and her son , stayed at a hotel I worked at . They left after a couple nights . A couple days later they came in again … and he was very clearly just out of the hospital , with cuts , bruises , and a hospital gown still on . They needed a room again so he could recover . The photographs were taken quite awhile later when he 'd healed , taken at a beautiful area where I photograph pictures of ice . I always felt like my role in my family has been to make people feel happy , you know , I was always doing some goofy thing . When everyone was fighting , they 'd look at me and get happy ' cause I was doing this little distraction . That 's kind of how I grew up . " " We moved here during grade twelve , didn 't know anyone . I played hockey , gradded in 2002 , when I was eighteen . This song I 'd been working on got nominated to be one of the songs the students voted on … everyone voted on it , it actually became the grad song . I ended up performing it ; that was the first time in the school 's history that the song was written and performed by a member of the grad class - usually it 's just a popular ( radio ) song chosen , right ? The song was about everyone I went to school with . It was called ' Goodbye To You ' . The song was special because it was also written for the people I 'd left from the high school the year before . But the people here just loved it , so they voted it to be the grad song . A short while after I graduated my parents started … I don 't know if they started growing apart or if this had been a planned thing for a long time . There were about three or four months there when … my parents were just not getting along . Not giving any effort . " " I saw this … kind of deterioration , you know ? Then after high school I started spending less time with my family . I 'm old enough to realize that this whole separation isn 't because of me , but at the same time I do feel partially responsible . I think … it 's because of decisions I was making at the time : I turned to drugs , after high school . It was partially experimentation , curiosity in trying the drugs , but mostly it was because … I just didn 't want to think about anything . I found if I was with my friends , drinking , partying , not thinking about anything - about this - then I was feeling okay . There was one weekend I remember specifically : I ended up overdraft on my bank card , spending , like , two grand in a weekend . I was ' up ' the whole weekend , didn 't sleep the whole time . Cocaine . After that , I just felt so awful , so bad about what I was doing , the drugs , about the way my life was heading . I stopped hanging out with all my friends that I was doing that with . It wasn 't going anywhere , it was going nowhere , and fast . It was heading towards me winding up without a home , without money , without anything . I could see myself wanting to get so far away that … losing myself completely , you know ? The feeling , I guess , of uncontrollably leaving what you really care about , and thinking that you 'll never be able to come back . Whether it 's death … or just not being able to come back . " " I was still living with my parents at that time . My Dad was sleeping on the couch , Mom was upstairs in the bedroom . I was pretty much never there . I would crash around at places , friends ' houses , sometimes I 'd crash at my house , sleep until everyone was out of the house , then leave . Right at the beginning , when my parents were starting to go through it , I took stress leave from my job . When I told my doctor about it , right away he said , ' Do you need something for depression ? ' That was the first thing he asked me . I was like , ' No ; I don 't feel very good , but I 'm not going to start taking pills right now , just for depression ' . I took two weeks stress leave for this thing with my parents , I was dealing with my ( very religious ) brother , doing lots of drugs . I was about nineteen , then . " " I think they knew something was going on , not exactly what . I hid it from them , for sure . If they had ever come up to me , said , ' You 're on drugs ' , I 'd be like , ' No I 'm not . ' But they didn 't ask . I never had an instance of them coming to me and asking . They always asked things like , ' Is there something wrong ? ' But I didn 't want to talk to them about it . I didn 't really tell anyone . I 've been so used to kind of putting on a happy face , you know ? " " I was really confused about my parents . I 'm sure everyone who goes through that is . It 's a confusing time . I 'd be in a room talking to my Mom - not that I talked to my Mom much - she 'd be really nice to me , and as soon as my Dad came in , it would change , she was super - short , to him , and would turn around and be nice to me , with my Dad still there . I could tell that she was deliberately being a lot nicer to us than to him . I didn 't understand it at the time , but now … she wanted something different , and … unless she acted this way … he wouldn 't get pushed away … and she would never be able to have that other … ( life ) . It was completely my Mom ( her choice to separate ) . Talking with my sister ( who their Mom confided in ) , she said that my Mom 's been feeling this way for about ten years . I think she just wants something else , now . I think she was just tired of it … I don 't think it was because she doesn 't like or respect him any more , or want him to not have anything good . It 's that she wants to have her own different kind of life now , and she can 't do that with him there . " " Umm … no . No . … No . She hasn 't , still … to me . They had been to therapy , a couple times . I didn 't even know about it at the time , they were so secret about it . " " I think probably the biggest reason they 're not together … is money . My Mom wants to have it … she wants the little things , to be able to buy a jacket , spend $ 500 on a fooseball table , she wants that . I think she did love my Dad very much at one point . Well , obviously - they had four kids together , they had to have something then . He doesn 't care about money , he 'll put himself into debt to help all his kids … My Dad has a huge heart , just a huge heart . He got in a motorcycle accident when he was twenty - two , lost the use of his left arm from the shoulder down . He 's had a number of complications because of that , like over - usage of his right arm , muscles are breaking down , extreme tendonitis , a lot of things . And my Dad 's not able to go out . He was working for the government , he got really badly fucked over in his job , they blamed a huge , huge scandal on him , that he had nothing to do with . That , and the injury … it came to the point where he just couldn 't go to work anymore , just couldn 't deal with the people there . It just fell apart . " " I was … pretty upset with my Mom for a long time , everything she 'd do . I remember one time , I was talking with them about selling their house … my Dad didn 't want to sell it , because he wanted a place where we could all come back to … maybe spend Christmas , or whatever . And my Mom wanted to sell the house … for money , and to get rid of everything they had together , so they could just split their things and move on . And I got in a big fight with her … I thought it was stupid to sell the house now , the way the markets were … and partly me wanting to hang on to the house , and being on my Dad 's side . I 've come to realize that there really isn 't a side , for the children . I think you just have to think of them still as your Mom and your Dad - that 's my Mom and that 's my Dad , and they each love me - separately . I 've learned to think of it as what it is : it 's two people 's relationship that 's come apart . You know ? There 's nothing that I or any one of us could do to change it . And part of me wants to take advantage of that separation , you could get a little more from your Dad , and then a little more from your Mom . I could see how kids could use that . Like , ' Mom wants me to like her , think of her situation , so she 's going to be as good to me as she can , because she wants me to not hold this break - up against her ' . You know , kind of ' play ' your parents a little . But I didn 't do it . I guess I used the situation to tell my parents a lot of things that I wouldn 't have told them if they were together , but I don 't remember ever using it to get things from them … just because … I think that kind of behavior comes around . ( Returns to harm you in the future ) " I kind of lost the ability to tell them directly how I feel about things . I don 't know how or when that happened ; I don 't know if I can 't , or just don 't want to , or if it 's been so long that it 's too hard ? I have one word for how I felt then : it 's broken . Everything just felt so far away , and so un - fixable . It leaves you with a big empty . A big void . I always want to fix something that 's broken , when someone 's not feeling well , I want to give them a hug , and have that hug fix the problem . I just don 't like seeing that … in a way , I think it hurts me . I remember once I yelled ; I was listening to them argue , from the bottom of the stairs , I yelled at my Mom , ' Can 't you talk to him like a fucking human ! ? Can 't you give him that decency ? ! ' Only a couple times like that , I don 't get excited much , but when I do I usually end up … breaking things . I don 't like to get upset , I don 't like the way I am when I 'm upset . I don 't like myself , upset . You lose common sense . You 're so irrational when you 're angry . It 's not how I want to be . I don 't really know how I want to be … but I know it 's not mad . I talk to ( girlfriend ) about it , a little . She has a lot more problems than me right now . I don 't see a therapist , my therapist is my guitar , my writing . I do journal a little , on and off . Sometimes when I 'm having a really hard time I will write down everything that happens in that day … I think it helps me because I remember everything better that way . And when you know everything that happened , I think you have a much better ability to make a decision . " " I 've never really been one to talk to my parents about much . I like figuring things out by myself . I like sitting down , writing a song that makes me feel better . I feel like I 'm telling everyone , when I make a song out of it . " I do remember crying once . It was weird , because the last time I remember crying before that was when I was sixteen . When you haven 't cried for a long time … you know , you can feel it coming , feel it coming … you almost don 't know what to expect , ' cause it 's been so long you don 't even remember really how to do it . And then it just starts coming , you know ? I think I wanted to feel bad so much , wanted to cry , that even once I started doing it , it almost … wasn 't enough . That 's what I thought was going to make me feel better , I just built it up way too much . Once I started , it just wasn 't … I wanted to keep crying , you know ? I was just thinking of little things , of when I was growing up , memories I have , little flashes , when my family was together , my parents , all these little things . That really made me sad enough to start crying . So many , so many good memories . My Dad used to take me on hockey trips all the time , we all grew up pretty close . Me and my youngest sister were super - close , she was , you know , my ' little boo - boo ' , and I was her - you know ? That was the other thing I felt pretty guilty over , not having that relationship anymore with her . Then , me and my brother were wanting to stay in a band together , but he was making different decisions - we never really got into the decisions that I was making . Once we had a heated debate over where I was going - he pretty much told me where he thought I was going , something like , ' I don 't want to be standing at the gates of heaven going , ' Why didn 't you listen to me ? ' At the time , that just pushed me further away from him , ' cause I 've always been kind of proud ; got my own ways of figuring things out , whether through music , or whatever . " " My Dad 's having a real hard time getting over the separation . With my Dad , I think I 'm less patient than I want to be . Just the way he is now … I 'm not sure if it 's just the medications , he seems different all the time . It 's hard for me to say if he 's ' grounded ' inside his own head . There was this time where I was fucked up … doing coke , doing whatever , not caring , not thinking about it . And during that time , my Dad was taking more and more medications for things . I don 't even know what he 's taking medications for now … it 's to the point where he really doesn 't seem the same type of person that I used to know , he 's losing his train of thought . I think maybe because I didn 't talk to my parents for a long time about anything … maybe I just haven 't grown with them . I kind of lost my relationship with them . Now , I almost feel myself being annoyed with him , in the sense … I wish he could just be … the way he used to be . Or , what I used to think he was . " " I stopped thinking so badly of my Mom … when I met ( girlfriend ) . Because she 's in a very similar situation . The more I got to know her and her situation , the more it made me think of my parents ' situation . She split from her husband , and her husband didn 't want that separation . I think that 's the beauty of life . I enjoy that - being shown I 'm not in control of this whole situation as much as I think I am . I believe there is a greater power , whether it 's God , the Creator , whatever … there 's something out there that is juggling people around , for our benefit . To get us through . Who is anyone to do that ? No one can do that , to anyone … and be right . You can 't control people . But that 's what I wanted : I just wanted my Mom to be there for my Dad . That 's what was making me so upset with my Mom . That 's not fair . I see that now . It 's not fair . Just because she went into a church , went through a ceremony … she still shouldn 't feel imprisoned if she later decides she needs to grow past that relationship . And this is the really hard part for me , because I was raised Roman Catholic . When she talks to my Dad , she 's like , ' You 'll meet someone , you 'll meet someone . ' He 's like , ' I did . Twenty - five years ago . I met someone , and that was you ' . " So … I 'm still in it . I 'm still experiencing it . I think the biggest question for me now , is … what is right ? You know ? You 're not going to be able to answer me , and I 'm probably not going to find the answer for a long time , but … is the church right ? If you marry in the church , ' till death do us part ' ? But then you look at the world today , and what is the divorce rate ? Like , 75 % or more ? That 's saying the world is corrupt … does that make my Mom corrupt ? Does that make me corrupt ? In a way , I am - I 'm here , I 'm living in it . But then , you meet people , like you , like all sorts of people , who have this … this energy , and you talk to them … and you think that there 's hope for the world . I guess that makes me realize that I am here for a reason , there 's a definite reason why I 'm here . And whether it 's to raise this boy ( his girlfriend 's son ) now , help him have a good life , or whether it 's something else … " " I don 't think I 'm alone , right now . I think everyone is struggling hugely . And some people that have a lot of money can cover it up better than people who don 't have that money , that comfort blanket , they 're stuck there in the open for everyone to see their problems . A lot of the pain of seeing my parents separate has gone . Or , maybe it 's been rationalized , because I don 't think it 's gone , or will ever be gone . I don 't think pain goes away , I think you get used to pain , at least emotional pain . I think I learned that one when I was sixteen . When I was sixteen , my best friend died . I wrote a song for him , too , because I couldn 't go to his funeral … just couldn 't bring myself to say goodbye to him in that way … I told myself I 'd say goodbye to him in a different way . The song I wrote for him … everyone that I played it for who knew him , they would cry when they heard it . They were like , ' That 's him , saying goodbye ' . It was the second song I ever wrote . I sat down and wrote it from start to finish , never let my pen leave the paper . That was a good lesson to learn , young . It was so horrible to lose my best friend at that time in my life . But at the same time , it was a huge lesson - it got me ready for this . " I 'm excited for my Dad because his time to be happy is pretty close , he 's been dealing with a lot of shit for a long time . I think it 's going to get better with my sister 's baby - she 's going to have a baby soon - that will start turning him around . He bought a big piece of property , just got his pump - house ( for the property 's water well ) built , and she 'll be living there with him once he has some place that is livable . ( He 's building on the property ) I think that 's going to be great for my Dad , to help him get his mind off other things . My Mom is extremely happy . I don 't ever remember seeing her like this , she 's like a little kid . She has a boyfriend , she 's really happy with him . I 'm going to go work for him , in Alberta . Make some money . ( Laughter ) My Dad doesn 't have a girlfriend . And he doesn 't want one . And , now Mom makes more money . I know that 's not the only thing , but that is a big thing for her - she wants the security . And I think she just lived too long without that security - with four kids , one income . " I know part of me would be happy for him to hate his father . I know that 's an awful thing to say , but I can 't honestly say it wouldn 't make me feel good , in a little way . Whether that 's a good feeling , or not . But I know that 's not what his soul wants , that 's not good for him . If he came to me because he was upset , and thought one of his parents didn 't love him , didn 't care about him because they had their separate lives … I think I could only try to explain in some way , try to make him understand about people … the different decisions we make . That sometimes we make a ( painful ) decision , that later turns out to be so good … and who would have known ? If you hadn 't made that decision , you wouldn 't have found that happiness or whatever good you got from it . And … sometimes you make a decision that turns out awful . It 's just the way the cookie crumbles , the parents aren 't deciding this because of you . That 's the main thing I would try to get across to him - to let him know that it 's not him . He should not feel that anything is his fault . I hate that word - fault . I don 't think you can ever put fault solely on a person … because there 's so much - life throws so many things at you , you know ? " " I do . I can 't say that I don 't . I know that I shouldn 't feel that way , but I can 't say I don 't . I think that if I 'd gone straight to college , like my Mom wanted - they had some arguments about that . My Mom thinks it 's my Dad 's fault that I didn 't go to college right after high school . " " No , nothing . That argument about me not going to college is just a result of her feelings , her situation , the way she was feeling towards my Dad . One more thing that she could use against him . Me and my brother were in a band together , my brother 's off to university to be a teacher … he didn 't even know I was doing drugs . I 've always been good at hiding things from my parents . I don 't know if that 's a good thing or a bad thing , but … I 've always been good at hiding my emotions , feelings , making everybody believe everything 's okay , even if it 's not . Putting on that mask . I 'm getting out of it . I still find myself stuck in that mask that I made , not sure of my emotions or anything . Sometimes just smoking ( a little weed ) will drop all that away , you know ? But then , you have to be careful with that because … is that you , or is that you plus this ( the drugs ) ? I think I 'm still on my way - that we 're all still on our way , to finding out exactly what makes us tick . " One thing my parents were careful about , which I do appreciate , was each talking about the other one . They kept it pretty hidden . I 'm sure there were a lot of things she wanted to say ( out loud , in front of the kids ) but didn 't . They did make the effort . Like , I know my girlfriend 's husband was just awful to her … but it 's not my place to talk about ( girlfriend 's son 's ) father that way in front of him . It 's not her place , either , not anyone 's place to badmouth anyone in front of their kid . He needs to make those decisions on his own . " Something that frustrates me so much is , you go through school , there 's all this emphasis on what you 're going to be when you grow up , what you 're going to do - you need to have this decided in grade eight , need to have your plan . That 's what they do in school nowadays , it 's called ' Career and Personal Planning ' . You do it through grade eight , nine , ten , eleven , twelve , you write out what you 're going to do this year , next year , what your plans are for after high school . It 's frustrating . That 's why I think there 's so many people who rush off to college , then find high paying jobs … that they can only work at for ten years and then go crazy - because that 's not what they were supposed to be doing . They have this midlife crisis and end up losing everything . " " I don 't think I would feel right without talking a little about my accident , what that meant to me . I guess I feel - now - that I was ignoring a lot of things , just running through life , not really thinking about what I 'm doing too much . Not appreciating much . That night , I fell asleep , drove off the road . ( His car rolled down a steep embankment ) My car was completely destroyed , only two wheels left on it . When I went to the auto wreckers later , there was no other car that looked anything close to mine . It was crumpled . The way I think of it … I know there 's a reason for me to be here , because it would have been so easy for me not to be here . It would have been way easier for me to not be here than to be here , through that accident . All the factors , like , I was unconscious for so long that if I 'd had any lacerations big enough , I would have bled to death , unconscious ; my car was leaning up against a tree , over the embankment with a lake at the bottom ; a branch had gone through my sunroof , right by my head ; the car was too far down for anyone to see - if I hadn 't had been able to pull myself out and walk up the hill … if the cell phone didn 't ring and she ( his girlfriend ) had gone off to sleep thinking , ' Oh , maybe he decided not to drive out ' and decided not to call . I feel so … blessed . I don 't feel ' lucky ' covers it at all . I feel there was an angel around me , holding me , and once I stopped spinning and crashing , he went to ( girlfriend 's ) door , knocked , got her to call me . ( Girlfriend ) was waiting for me to drive out to her place . She later told me that she went to bed , turned out the light , looked up at the stars … then turned the light right back on , thinking that if I came tonight I wouldn 't be able to see . ( See his way to her house in the darkness - it 's a large property ) She heard this loud knock on the door on the other side of the house . She went , and there was no one there . Right at that point , she felt something was horribly wrong . She called me , and that 's what woke me up . I woke up to my cell phone . I was stuck for awhile , couldn 't get out , couldn 't reach the cell phone . I was so confused , stuck , with my hands above my head like this , something beside my head . I don 't even know how I got out . But I managed to get out , walk up to the road . What was really crazy , I don 't remember clearly , is I kept saying , kept telling everyone ( rescuers , afterwards ) , ' There 's someone else in the car , someone still in the car ' . There wasn 't . But there was , there totally was . There was my angel , my whatever you want to call it , in the car .
|
I decided to finally try during one of these races . I was off to a good start , but I couldn 't keep my balance as I flew down one of the hills along the bike path . I felt my handlebars shaking and knew I was going to go flying . I hit the front break by accident and went right over the handlebars . My friends said I slid at least ten feet on the asphalt . I screamed as loud as I could when I saw the blood dripping down my arms and legs . My elbows and knees were completely scraped up . When I finally got back to my house , my mom freaked out . She yelled for my dad and frantically asked what happened . " I fell , " I said . She rolled her eyes . " Again ? " My father heard me sobbing in the kitchen all the way from his bedroom down the hall . " Come , " he said . My cries grew even louder . I 'd been down this road before . He had a bottle of peroxide in his hands . I was a big cry baby back then , but my father was right : the cuts on my arms were filled with dirt and rocks that needed to be cleaned out . I would have rather dealt with the infection . The stinging was unbearable . My father always told me to be careful , and I would listen , but every time I didn 't , I paid for it . Every part of this process hurt . Ripping the gauze off was next . As soon as I started feeling good , that was when we knew it was time . " Take a deep breath , " he said . I feel partly responsible for his hearing issue . Posted on June 12 , 2017Categories Memoir , UncategorizedTags bike riding , creative nonfiction , creative writing , friends , injuries , Memoir , pain , races , scabs , writerLeave a comment on Scabs On Baseball In honor of spring training and the weather being nicer , I 'm posting a short story on baseball , titled : On Baseball . This is shorter than usual , so I might post something a little later on in the day . Stay tuned ! Posted on February 25 , 2017February 25 , 2017Categories UncategorizedTags baseball , creative writing , fiction writing , hint fiction , micro fiction , spring , spring training , sudden fiction , tiny text , weatherLeave a comment on On Baseball Crest Glide This story comes from an in - class assignment where we were given random objects and were told to write a personal story about whatever we were given . I ended up with one of the more random objects : dental floss . This is a short - short story , which is fiction , but based heavily off my own experiences . Enjoy ! It happened the other day when I woke u and finished brushing my teeth . There were no individual , single - use floss … things ? what do you call those ? in the cabinet . I thought it was odd having to go back to such a primitive method of cleaning my teeth . What was more shocking was where the little container came from : a small - to - medium - sized drug store called Genovese on the corner of Hempstead Turnpike and Hicksville Road . A . C . Moore is now in its place . My father used to take me there when he didn 't have much of a choice . He 'd tell me If I bring you inside , we 're only going in and out . No treats ; no can I have this or that . Got it ? But I , of course , would ask for Airheads and gummy Coke bottles , and , of course , I was told no . I wondered if this container of floss was something he had bought , perhaps a message of some sort . Posted on February 23 , 2017February 23 , 2017Categories UncategorizedTags brushing teeth , candy , creative writing , crest glide , dentist , father , fiction writing , flash fiction , floss , shopping , tiny textsLeave a comment on Crest Glide The Moroccan Doctor I know , I know . Work and school , as usual . The good news now is that I have a good amount of material to post here . Three writing workshops this semester makes it a lot easier to post . I 'll try to keep up and post small assignments I 've had so far . I wasn 't sure how she was going to take it , but I figured I 'd offer her the best advice I could give at the time under the circumstances . They asked what those circumstances were . How I could even come to that conclusion being a man who had gone to school for years , who must have picked up some common sense along the way . I told them I had , and that I was insulted to be labeled as a fool when all I was trying to do was help a poor woman find out what actually happened . They asked Why did I care ? Because I 'm a doctor , I told them . Shouldn 't that be obvious ? They said to answer their question , What were those circumstances ? It couldn 't be clearer there was foul play . She said there was tension within the family . I know them all personally . We were neighbors growing up . Her father would hold my hand while we walked to the market for breakfast before work . In Morocco , the authorities would tell her to stop grieving and move on , be a better mother , think of her children . What would they think about their crazy mother , convinced and trying to convince everyone her husband was murdered ? If it 's such a problem , why is it legal ? No laws were violated ? Why am I here if it was handled properly according to EU standards ? Why are there standards ? Has this been done before ? What made it okay then and not okay now ? Posted on October 9 , 2016Categories Fiction , Flash Fiction , UncategorizedTags austria , creative writing , doctor , fiction , flash fiction , intestines , morocco , new york times , NYTI , poisonLeave a comment on The Moroccan Doctor The Tiger Surprise , still here . Busy as always . I 'll be even busier soon with work and summer classes . Just wanted to post my final project for my lit theory class . It 's a collection of five flash fiction stories , based off quotes from an essay by Nietzsche . They can stand alone by themselves , but there are also connections to each other that make the piece work as a whole . Ignore the spacing as best you can . I 'm copying and pasting right from Word . Enjoy . People couldn 't help but comment on how the sun was close to finally coming out from behind the clouds . It had rained for over a week , heavy downpours that kept everyone inside . It was the first day where they could at least walk around . A young boy , six years old , was watching National Geographic with his father . On the television , a tiger waiting patiently in the tall grass saw an opportunity to ambush a deer and jumped on it . The boy 's father loved the weather , he was obsessed with it . They couldn 't leave the house without checking . First the television , the weather channel and then the local news , and then online . It couldn 't be too hot or too cold . Anything over eighty - five made him sweaty and uncomfortable ; anything under fifty would make him shiver . None of this mattered , though . Cabin fever had set in on him , he couldn 't stand the idea of another nature show , survival show gold mining show , or commercial for any of these shows . Neither he or his son barely had their jackets on before they were out the door . The zoo was already on its way out . People simply don 't go as often as they used to , not when they can sit inside and watch television all day or Youtube videos and Netflix on their computers and tablets . That day , it seemed as if everyone had the same idea . The zoo was clearly understaffed that day . Everyone seemed to be scrambling back and forth , going from exhibit to exhibit . The crowds overwhelmed the boy , but the father was glad to see everyone out again . The animals were kept below ground level , some going down almost fifteen feet , with rusted steel bars along the borders . Each zoo keeper had a set of keys to all the exhibits attached to their belts . The zoo couldn 't afford the more updated glass walls where one only needs to scan their I . D . card for access . Everyone was focused primarily on the primate exhibits towards the front of the zoo , closest to the parking lots , in case the sky opened up again . Towards the back , the lions , tigers , and leopards stayed in their dens , protected from the rain and wind , only coming out to eat . Only a few people , umbrellas in hand , ventured to the back of the zoo . It was close to lunch time , and the boy thought it would be like the shows , using live prey . But soon enough , the boy learned that the zookeepers use wheelbarrows to haul the meat . He also saw that the zookeeper had dropped his keys outside while trying to fix the wheel that got caught in a crack on the footpath . His mother always lets him play with her keys when they 're out shopping at Target . The jingle and the way the fluorescent lighting hits the metal , plus all the store cards and the clicker for the car with the red button on the back that he 's not supposed to touch but does anyway , he couldn 't fight his instinct to pick them up . His curiosity also got the better of him . If the zoo keeper could go into the exhibit with a wheelbarrow full of food , why couldn 't he just look for a second ? It would be just like on television where the keepers get close to the animals and sometimes pet them , or like the show on Netflix about the monks in China that keep the tigers on leashes , or the show about the man in New York City who kept a tiger in his apartment for years . The tiger wouldn 't even see the boy if he peeked only for a second . Signs all over the bars say not to climb over , that only staff can enter . The boy 's father , distracted by a young mother and her child passing by , didn 't see the boy go right for the front gate . The zookeeper , already long gone , still hadn 't checked his pocket for his keys . The dark grey sky opened up for a moment and everyone seemed to stop and stare , not at the sun , but up to the sky , absorbing its warmth for the first time in days . The boy , confused and distracted by the question didn 't notice how close he was to the steep hill directly in front of him . He tumbled all the way down the hill , screaming the entire way . Only then did his father realize he was missing . When the boy got up , he was face to face with one of the tigers at the mouth of the cave . At first , the boy seemed excited , and even tried to pet the beast . Still unaware of the danger he was in , he looked up at his father . Only when his father 's screams reached the bottom of the hill , did the boy realize his fatal mistake , unable to decide whether to run or turn back around . John couldn 't stand the idea of losing another job because of his anger . His mother used to tell him when he was little the needed to learn how to behave properly otherwise his anger would land him in prison or six feet under . His father skipped that lesson and let the belt do the talking . I 'd like to be able to tell you that I didn 't see it coming , and that his job started off well , but it was bad right from the start and only grew worse . John 's front yard was dark and covered in leaf litter . A tall red oak wouldn 't allow light to come down for flowers to grow in the spring . The thought of a green lawn was laughable . In the fall , acorns were attracted to the gutters like tiny magnets , clogging them almost entirely . If you look closely , you can see saplings peaking over the top , some with fully developed leaves . At almost 200 years old , the tree has become an important part of the neighborhood . It was the only landmark the town 's original settlers had when they moved from Northoak , a small farming village where the ground after so many years of being sown could no longer sustain them . They took the lonely red oak as a sign from God and descended from down the mountains to lay their claim . Every year , the block with the red oak tree holds a street fair in the tree 's honor , where fathers can bring their children and tell them about how their fathers brought them when they were little . If you look even closer at the tree , you would see two holes in the trunk . Those holes , I found out , had hooks in them . When John acted out , his father would bind his hands with rope and attach the rope to the hooks in the tree . The holes were just a little too high up on the tree for John to stand normally . If he got off his tiptoes , he would fall and the weight of his body would go straight to his wrists , the rope cutting deeper and deeper , the scars getting worse and worse . Some nights his father would let him just hang there , for minor offenses : coming home late , failing a test , skipping school , getting into fights . Other nights , if his father heard he was talking back to his mother , he would use the belt . It didn 't help that John was a small child growing up . He was constantly bullied in school for being so little . He walked through the halls as if he had a target on his back . He couldn 't relax for one second , even in the classrooms . Other students would throw things when the teacher turned her back . And our teacher would make a point of calling on John , because she knew he wasn 't paying attention . She would catch him sleeping in class at least twice a week . One hot summer day , a record high , 102 degrees , everyone was making fun of the long sleeve shirt John was wearing to hide the scars on his wrists and back . A couple students got together and planned to follow him home . They wanted to throw him into the once pristine river , now filled with garbage and and sewage . John fought with all of his might to keep his shirt on , as if his life depended on it . He knew if they took it off and saw the scars they would hate him more . It took four of them to hold him down . He managed to hit two in the face , he could feel Eddie 's nose cave into his fist and the warm blood bursting like a geyser into his face , blinding him . Two more kids came from behind and tackled John to the ground . They spit in his face while Eddie kicked John in the ribs and chest , knocking the wind out of him . After nearly two minute of not being able to breathe , he finally caved in . They ripped John 's shirt off and immediately saw the dark purple scars around his wrists . John rolled on his back to protect himself from the blows still coming from Eddie , revealing the scars all over his back , like the stripes of a tiger . The unhealed cuts from two nights ago reopened . I was watching from behind a tree a couple houses down . I didn 't want any of them to see me and ask me for help . I knew it would be bad when I saw them scream and run away . Curiosity got the better of me and went over to see what happened . John was on the floor crying hysterically , coughing up blood and holding his wrists as if he was possessed by them . When I sat him up , I gave him my shirt to use as a towel . I asked if he was okay and he smiled and vowed he would come back one day to kill the tree . I didn 't know what he meant . It was too out of place at the time , so I forgot about it . Shortly after the fight down by the river , John ran away and never came back . No one missed him , but no one forgot about him either . The other day I was so shocked to see him at the diner , I couldn 't even go up to him and say hi . Time didn 't do him any favors . He looked and smelled like an alcoholic . He came up to me and thanked me for helping him that day at the river , not even a " hello . " I asked if he was working and he said he just got laid off . I asked what the bucket in his hand was for , and he half - smiled , looking straight through me , and walked out . It turned out that the bucket had been filled with bleach and other harsh chemicals . The night before , he dug a hole close to the roots , hitting them with his shovel to further expose them and poured the chemicals into the ground . His whole life , he never saw the tree like everyone else did , a sign of hope . To him it was a sign of all the needless pain that his father put him through . When the thought of his father finally entered his head , he fell to his knees and cried . Tony was a slightly above average gardener with a wide open backyard . He started his garden when he first bought his house on Long Island . Growing up in Astoria , there was never any room to grow the fruits and vegetables his uncle grew in his garden in Quogue . There was never enough money either to buy a house with enough property to fulfill his dream . All or nothing , he 'd say . In Queens , he worked two fulltime jobs for ten years , both well paid , seven days a week . One was for rent , the other he saved entirely for a future down payment . Four days a week , Tony worked in a garden supply warehouse , exporting high - quality , American - made tools , pots , fertilizer , dirt , gardening books and dvd 's , and seed packs to local nurseries all over the country . Every day in the warehouse would bring Tony back to his uncle 's garden . There were giant tomato plants , string beans , broccoli , carrots , peppers , and herbs in pots all along the border . He remembered going there when he was little and playing in the dirt in the fall when everything died . After learning about composting , he regretted playing in the compost pile and using it to jump over the fence into the neighbor 's yard to get balls and toys that always flew over . When he did inventory , he would stop to look at all the books and find inspiration in all of them . When he got home late at night , around two in the morning , he would draw pictures of gardens that he hoped to one - day grow for himself . A farm upstate comes to mind with a lonely oak tree in the middle , field corn growing all around it , and sunflowers bordering the road and the river running next to it on the far side . When Tony 's not at the warehouse , you could find him in the kitchen at his father 's restaurant . In the summer , he 'd take trips upstate to buy fruits and vegetables right from the farm with the large oak tree in the middle . It was only a two - hour drive . To Tony , the four hours of freedom the highway provided him was enough to make it through his eighty hour weeks . And cooking with real ingredients makes all the difference in the restaurant industry . Places will say it 's cheaper to get the processed crap , shipped frozen from across the country , and that the cost isn 't worth it , but these places are wrong , their priorities are all wrong . They 're going in with a losing attitude . If you think you 're going to make it assuming you 're going to lose , you already lost . Tony worked for free for years at the restaurant and stood by his dishes . Now , with all the success as of recently , after that major food critic just happened to stop in on his way to another up - and - coming , big - name - executive - chef - leaving - Manhattan - for - an - inferior - borough 's restaurant , he fell in love with Tony 's favorite childhood meal : bowtie pasta with fresh ricotta , parmesan cheese , peas , and bacon . The critic forgot about the ( un ) original restaurant and left with a full stomach , coming again the next day to ensure Tony would never have to work again . Humbled by his success , Tony stayed in Astoria for another year , still going to the warehouse , but no longer staying late working doubles . And he still took those trips upstate . That would never change , he promised . In the middle of July , it was almost impossible to walk through Tony 's garden without hearing him yell at you for stepping on something . He grew everything , just like his uncle , plus zucchini , eggplant , cucumbers , garlic , onion , everything he used to get at the farm upstate . They switched over to some kind of GMO seed that grew giant , ungodly produce that ripened in less than a quarter of the time . Tony didn 't trust it , and if anyone asked at his restaurant for further details on where the food comes from , he knew he would have to tell them . He couldn 't live up to that and decided then to buy his house on Long Island , and a huge backyard . His garden took up most of it , and he even paid the neighbors to cut their trees lining the fences , offering to let them take anything they wanted from the garden as well . Here , he would have total control over what grew , and the warehouse was good to him and gave him everything he needed when he finally quit . Two years later , his restaurant 's success doubled - tripled . With a staff large enough to take care of themselves , Tony can focus entirely on his garden , only going in to drop off the produce . The years of hard work were finally catching up to him . Somedays , he had to call one of the guys in the kitchen to come to his house and pick it up . While pulling up a batch of onions , a dulled coin caught a little bit of sunlight and Tony 's attention . He couldn 't tell what it was , but he always hoped he would dig up some kind of treasure , not realizing he 's already been doing it . Driven by fatigue , he proceeded to dig up more of the garlic , and went into some of the tomatoes and string beans and broccoli . Before he knew it , half the garden was missing . Tony took a break and called the local museum and asked for help . " Come down and drop it off and we 'll have an answer next week , " they said . Tony 's excitement took hold of him . He was so eager to find more of those coins . He figured if the museum was interested , it had to be something , even if there was just one . Tony was slow to hang up the phone . The museum said there was a faded tiger on the front , but was essentially worthless - a novelty coin from Chinatown . He looked at what was his garden and wept . The coin looked so real . How would he break the bad news to the restaurant ? He tempted fate , thinking he could walk across the beam without a harness . On the ground , it wouldn 't be a problem , even if there was a sudden gust of wind . No one told him not to try it . Why would the thought even cross his mind ? Who is he again ? The brown guy ? We shouldn 't have to tell him . Where is he from ? Wrong choice of words . His mother , known for her temper , was reading in the living room , a giant book , maybe the dictionary . Before he could even process what he said , he was already down on the ground , her face less than a foot away from mine . Hardik could see down her shirt , so he closed my eyes , but she yelled at him to look at her and he obeyed . She hit him relentlessly with her closed fists hard enough to make him cry , but not bleed . " You 're sleeping outside ! " she yelled . " And no dinner . You better get used to it . The streets will be the only home you ever know if you don 't shape up . " He pointed to his toolbox he left on the scaffold and waved for me to go . We don 't need to speak to communicate . Hand signals suffice . I was hungry and didn 't think he would walk across without the harness . 500 feet in the air is enough to send a five - foot man flying if there 's a good enough gust . Harry 's a simple guy . I couldn 't imagine him doing this kind of work wherever he came from . I wonder how he even got this job . Look at him . Why did he have to go back in the first place ? We were going back up anyways . Firefighters , police , and ambulances can all be heard in the distance . Their sirens growing louder , their lights flashing in the windows as they turn sharply around the corners . How could he think straight when the boss was making him work doubles almost every night ? He took advantage of Harry , the cheap labor . Anyone new to this country will be taken advantage of by someone at some point . Minimum wage is ten dollars an hour , but you could offer a guy like Harry five and he 'd take it no questions asked . I wonder what he 's thinking about dangling there . Does he have family ? What would they think ? " You need to be fierce , like the tiger . Try to see yourself as one . Don 't let anyone take advantage of you . It 's easy where you 're going . " " You have an uncle just outside the city , in Queens . He lives near the train and said you can stay until you find work . But then you 're on your own . " The boss told Harry to go back and grab his bag , so no one would trip over it . Harry didn 't understand and shrugged his shoulders . The boss thought this was some sort of insult , throwing his lunch at Harry and storming off while pointing to the toolbox . As Harry went over to the box , afraid to waste any more time , he walked across the beam as a giant gust of wind blew . Dangling high enough in the air for the fall to kill him instantly , he looks back at his life and wonders if this was worth it . He had no money saved , and realized he couldn 't live in this apartment building if he saved every penny he made for two full lifetimes . But at least he can say he built it from scratch . Can the rich families that live here appreciate it like Harry ? The smile on his face and his fingertips slowly slip away say it 's worth the fall , to finally find a purpose . Bullets fly over Andy 's head as he crouches in cover behind a rock wall , close enough to feel their breeze , ironically bringing him a moment of relief from the 120 - degree desert air . It 's been so long that sweat no longer pours from his body . His waterlogged suit seems to be boiling rather than keeping him cool . No one knows how he ended up pinned down behind this wall , they haven 't even realized he 's missing yet . The rush of adrenaline numbs him ; he sees nothing but endless sand and the rock wall in front of him ; the drone of the machine gun deafens him ; his mouth so dry from the lack of water , the only thing he can taste is fear ; gunpowder and sand clog his nose . He knows this is where he will die . He makes a break for it . It takes everything in him to peel himself off the wall . Is it likely he makes it out alive ? No , but anything else would be a surprise . And off to the side , a building appears out of the cloud of dust surrounding him . The door is open , and it 's tough to tell if anyone 's inside , if he 's running right into the line of fire . His old commanding officer 's voice in his head tells him he will die if he doesn 't find better cover . As he runs to the building , a grenade goes off and there 's a small pause in the fire . He knows they 're reloading and runs faster . There 's a tiger painted on the door , and insurgents waiting inside . He hears them shuffling . With no time to spare he rushes in and clears them out . A family tucked away in their bedroom looks at Andy in horror . He rubs his hand across his face and through his hair . He notices a throb in his lower abdomen . The young boy points to the tiger on the door and cries . A high level insurgent has been reported in the area . Anyone capable of operating a rifle will be going door - to - door terrorizing families in hopes of capturing their man alive . Each team has one member of the special forces taking charge , guiding us through each house , some taking point , others guiding from behind like alpha wolves , covering our every move , reminding us to check our corners , look for trip wires . The four teams in total are planning to search an entire block of apartments from both sides , snipers all along the border picking off Taliban spotters on rooftops . Ten men to a team , five take the bottom floor , five take the top . The trick is coordinating the breaches at the same time . Stateside , every man has trained to the point where these raids are instinct . Nice , on paper , but never a guarantee . The routineness of the raids boosts confidence in the lower - ranked troops . In such foreign places , they look for normalcy around every corner . When they don 't have to think about the job at hand , they 're able to view the families less as people and more as an obstacle . They mean well , the guy they 're after deserves what 's coming to him . He runs a local Taliban militia that beheads first and asks later . If you look closely at the crowds of people going through the small , outdoor bazaar , you 're guaranteed to see at least three or four people with hands and legs cut off , acid burns still healing on women and children , scars across faces with missing eyes , limps from broken kneecaps . The door goes down , flashbang in ; the family rushes to the corner , the translator is already at work while the team searches the house for weapons , stowaways , and any kind of enemy intel . The intensity of the raids picks up as the teams get closer to their target . Andy chooses to lead from behind , spotting his team from the rear , looking for anything out of the ordinary . Already too late , he notices the stillness of the air , the overwhelming sound of silence . A machine gun opens fire from a neighboring ten - story window overlooking the entire block before they can breach . The team panics and charges inside . Rob , taking point , is taken down . I can still hear him spitting up blood . He dies in the hallway , drowning in his blood , unable to breathe after the bullet stays lodged in his throat . Knowing Andy 's behind me , I clear the first floor and pull Rob inside the house . I hear the team upstairs yelling at the terrified family upstairs . Someone else is asking for zip ties . Another finds a closet full of weapons . As the team rushed into the house , Andy was looking for the machine gun . He knew the closer he got to the tall building , the harder it would be for the gunner to spot him . But he tripped and fell behind a fallen stone from a half crumbled wall . He pushes his entire body against it . If he moves an inch he 's done for . He peaks his head up for a second and feels a bullet ricochet off the top of his helmet . Minutes pass like days behind the wall . Andy can 't stop thinking about why he signed up in the first place . What made him run away from his team ? What would his old commanding officer say ? Is it worth the trouble ? Is he ready to die ? Can he take a bullet ? Two ? It won 't be like the movies . Who , aside from his family and friends , will remember him ? After careful consideration , he realized it didn 't matter . He felt like he was making a difference . If he can get to that building next to the tall one , they might have a chance . He could break through the wall and find the target in the taller one . Where else would he be ? They must know we know . They want us to go in and get trapped in the building . Spotters probably have it covered , suicide bombers in the basement with their fingers on the trigger , ready to detonate themselves if it means killing all of us . Is either side really " right " or " wrong " ? Who are we to judge ? Posted on June 4 , 2016Categories Fiction , Flash Fiction , UncategorizedTags creative writing , english , fiction , fiction writing , flash fiction , life , nature , nietzsche , philosophy , short story , tiger , writingLeave a comment on The Tiger Crossroad Continuing with the theme of using pictures as prompts , I wrote another quick story for you guys . I love the contrast going on with the picture . There 's so much going on in this moment of time . Hope you enjoy as much as I did . The autumn air isn 't as cool as it normally is this time of year . One frost was all it took to change the leaves from green to yellow and orange and red . Children play tag , slaloming around the tree trunks while their anxious mothers yell for them to slow down . Squirrels leap from tree to tree while birds fly down to scavenge the crumbs of hot pretzels and nuts from carts outside the park . One of the boys trips and falls , his mother shoots up instantly , scalding the boys for acting so carelessly . His younger sister looks on and cries for her heated mother . Runners stride past , seeing the commotion , but quickly shifting their focus back to their pace . Without work to worry about , their lives have become their mile times , they compensate with brightly colored running tights and shoes that match the colors of the trees . It 's eleven in the morning , and Blake has already been hard at work for six straight hours . The elevator is out today . He 's a janitor in a large office building on the upper west side . He hasn 't felt the sun on his skin yet , only the cold , autumn breeze seeping through the windows he 's washing . The clouds took over early , hiding the moon , forcing him to stare at the passing street lights while on the El . Constantly walking up and down the long flights of stairs with all his cleaning supplies wears him out . He takes his lunch early , climbing down the stairs accepting the fact he 'll have to again climb back up . Every step he takes makes his legs shake . The further he descends , the louder the car horns blare . The louder they blare , the harder his head pounds . The stairwell starts spinning and he desperately grabs hold of the banister . He sits on the stairwell and cries . All that 's on his mind his home , hoping this job is only temporary . Out the window , he sees the trees full over color . A smile barely breaks through the surface . Posted on April 17 , 2016April 17 , 2016Categories Fiction , Flash Fiction , UncategorizedTags central park , city , creative writing , crossroad , fall , fiction , fiction Here 's the picture : In the Fog The fog looked as soft as the moss we were stepping on as we attempted to walk through the forest . It was fall , and cold , and rainy , and the leaves on the trees were all dead . The wind must have blown all the leaves away , we thought , as we stepped carefully over the fallen rocks realizing the ground was bare . There were no chipmunks or squirrels flying through the trees or looking on the ground for nuts and acorns . We were alone with no sense of where we were going . No initial plan , no GPS , no food . No sun , no moon . With night creeping in fast , and no tent , the trees too small to climb up , we found a small cave to huddle in for warmth . We had a lighter , but the branches were wet from the rain . After violently shivering for nearly the entire night , we finally managed to close our eyes . Soon after , we don 't know what - something large - made its presence known . Posted on April 13 , 2016Categories Fiction , Flash Fiction , Micro Fiction , UncategorizedTags creative writing , fiction , fiction writing , flash fiction , fog , forest , lost , micro fiction , nature , writingLeave a comment on In the Fog Posts navigation
|
0 Sure go ahead and have sex with my boyfriend . I will watch . I dreamt that I was in a room with my Boyfriend and like 4 girls I 'd never seen before but they were all pretty . I asked him if he wanted to have sex with all of them and myself and he agreed and then one came over and got on top of him and I was fine with it I even went over and helped and it felt amazing . I typically am quit jealous and wouldn 't ever be ok with this . Trying to see what this means ? In another galaxy , I could jump higher than you could imagine , it was dark but the stars were so bright . So many stardust clouds filled the sky , every colour , and some you 've never seen before . I was in a tall grass field , the grass was yellow , and there were large mountains all around . It was an odd combination ; fields of grass , suddenly met with sheer rock , it was beautiful . I was trying to fly , but could only jump very high , and slowly would come back down , only to jump again in an attempt to take to the air . What was frustrating is I knew I could fly , but I couldn 't . Maybe next time . Under the shadow of the wall , cat and owl , they spoke Persian . I said : why are you upset my friends ? What has happened ? Your faces are very sad . The next day , my friend elham ( meaning inspiration ) had come to visit me . She had bought a charming charger that could simultaneously charge her laptop and my laptop . ( She did the same in another of my dreams ) Ive have written about a recurring dream i had which involved what i believe was Mt Fugi . But this is another reacurring dream i was having roughly 7 years ago . When it comes to my dreams sadly i dont remember majority of them ( which im sure is normal ) it really takes something for my dream to stick out and i feel those dreams are the ones trying to tell me something . So ive only had as far as i remember 2 reacurring dreams . They have always involved a mountain of some kind . These dreams in particular though was set on a lush green mountain with a smooth but dusty road spiraling up to the summit ) well as usual my dream would start with me just casually ascending the mountain on this road . As i look to my right i see blue skies and clouds . I remember the view was breathtaking making my journey upwards enjoyable . Each dream was the same it only started to differ as around the 5th ( i cant really remember ) i dreamt this i saw a old medieval type village getting closer and closer . The village was deserted but in all honesty the last time i dreamt this i remember coming to the entrance of the village then waking up so i will never actually know wether someone was waiting for me there . After that i never had that dream again . cassandra suzanne I mostly spend time walking around with a young atypical version of Zsuzsanna , who seems more like a classmate around my own age . I give her love and attention , though in the background , there is the realization of many other students projecting an overall mindless nature in addition to a group mentality of no benefit to anyone , which she also seems aware of and does not want to be a part of . I refer to her as my " partner " when speaking to an unfamiliar male . After what seems a long time , the scenario changes . I have picked up a broken globe . The globe seems to have been made at least partly of glass and is only about twice as big as my fist . It is in several pieces . A male that reminds me somewhat of Zsuzsanna 's father is on the other side of the room ( though I have never met him in reality and only talked to him on the telephone years ago ) . In a non - lucid state , I cause the broken pieces to hover in the air , with no effort other than basic thought . Soon , I decide to fix the globe . I cup my hands around the jagged variously - sized pieces after they are placed together . There is an incredible vividness of heat and steam flowing from the palms of both of my hands . I am clearly aware that this will reseal the globe , somewhat like welding , but more like melting the glass and then smoothly connecting all areas of the surface . The globe of the world is a smooth sphere again . The other male does not seem alarmed or even puzzled . This is somewhat unusual in that it is the reversal of typical dream cessation symbolism , though because of its vividness , is probably more about stabilizing my emergent consciousness factor in this case . This is one of a few dreams of this date that was directly influenced by looking back at a childhood dream from 1971 , which had been influenced by seeing " Crack in the World " ( a 1965 movie ) . This dream is more like the 1971 dream than the others . ( In fact , many of the few hundred brief dreams of this sleep cycle 's beginning centered around the movie theme to some extent . The fact that I had only thought about the 1971 dream for a short time , and the fact I had not seen the movie for a long time , is puzzling in how much influence there is over a new dream which is otherwise completely unrelated to my present life status , and yet this is a very common occurrence . ) Additionally , I now realize that I had also been looking at a photograph from a 1982 dream ( " Apple Baby " ) , which is a close shot of a hand holding a large apple . 0 Job Interview My dream was about my partner he rang me to ask me a question ( I unfortunately can 't remember what the question is ) , I answered the question to ask why and he explained that he had a job interview on Friday 7th July in Penrith ( a town not far from where I live ) . To give a bit of context my partner and I don 't live together as he lives in Newcastle and I live in Carlisle and he is hoping to move over soon . Is this my need for balance in the relationship coming up ? I am back on Loomis Street ( where I have not been since February 9th of 1994 in reality ) within a typically distorted dream - self identity of not being with viable memory beyond that of my eighteen - year - old self . I am in the living room of the Loomis Street house . There had been details that the world will be having strange weather , which has something to do with the sun . At first , my dream seems to be based on only unusual weather approaching , but not that threatening . However , the concept changes , becoming far more dramatic , before my dream ends . It seems to be afternoon . I am in a state where I decide to play around with the world itself by spinning the entire atmosphere , clouds and all , as fast as possible . That is , rather than causing Earth to spin faster or to slow down , it remains at its present rotation as I spin the sky around , north to south . The clouds are white and fluffy against a bright blue sky . The realism is extraordinary as I look out through the porch windows and watch the clouds dart across the sky as I willfully spin the atmosphere . I am doing this to show a few other ( unknown ) people what might soon be happening naturally due to the celestial events . This goes on for several minutes . Eventually , the celestial changes come and the sky changes . Very unusual clouds appear in the sky . I sense people 's fear while not feeling threatened myself . For a time , the sky looks much like an analogue television screen that is not fully on the channel . That is , there are diagonal lines and flickering bars across the sky . There is one very loud thunderclap . Looking at the sky again , it resembles an empty multicolored spreadsheet , with each cell randomly billowing downwards slightly , the whole expanse with somewhat of a wavering effect . I know I should see my mother . She sits in her bed in her room and seems upset , saying how it is " the end of the world " . I do not feel any sense of fear or even concern for humanity . I calmly accept the fate of the world and of myself . It is obvious that this dream utilizes an odd level of subliminal lucidity and comes more from my current conscious self identity than anywhere else ( even though I have no memory beyond my late teenage years while still within my dream ) . That is , I know I am creating my dream , and yet my dream self identity is not aware of this at a viable level . It partly comes from having looked at a childhood dream from 1971 , that was in turn , based on having seen the movie " Crack in the World " , the childhood dream association of which also influenced at least one other dream of this date . The evidence is not only obvious , but continuous on different levels . Firstly , I am able to spin the entire sky with no effort . Secondly , the sky then becomes like a television display not being on the channel . This is direct evidence that I view the sky as something I can willfully change as if with a television remote and that my thoughts are still based around subliminal lucidity . Then , the next stage utilizes an emergent focus on critical thinking skills ( which do not viably exist in the dream state ) when the sky then becomes like a multicolored spreadsheet , as if waiting for my conscious thinking skills to ascend and fill it with organized data . This same focus makes me subliminally aware of the waking symbolism - that is , dream state cessation as an " end of the world " metaphor ( which has been a common form of waking symbolism since early childhood ) . ( Why would dream cessation symbolism relate to the conscious self in a negative context ? This is the ridiculous mistake I have seen people continuously make all my life with so - called interpretation , which I learned to dismiss at a very early age in light of truth . ) The fact that my dream self has no fear of this supposed end of the world is more evidence of subliminal lucidity being a major factor . Why should I care if my dream ends ? It is a perfectly natural event . Even more obvious is the " return to bed " metaphor ( yet another subliminal thread of acknowledgement of being asleep in reality ) , even though , in this case , it is typically distorted to a different time and characterization . The real puzzle still remains . What determines the status of my dream self ( regarding altered age and time distortion factors ) ? What determines when and where any precognitive threads ( or " input " from the collective unconscious or the Source ) dominate the patterns ? I wake up and my parents leave to the supermarket before I even brush . The next moment I 'm in the supermarket carrying the basket and roaming around the grocery section . It 's the Supermarket in the place I lived 5 years ago everything exactly the same way I last saw it . So while my mom was busy grabbing vegetables I went to the Diary Products section looking for Pudding and Cheese and Butter and as it was early morning and the workers were only unloading the stuff , the section had only doughnuts and I grabbed one to pay it in the bakery section and eat it as I was really hungry . And as I paid , the man at the counter was an Arab ( It was an Arab country that I used to live in real life ) I never knew and next to him was my School Junior guy that i secretly found a little attractive during my high school . And since I had some more money and I was leaving the country permanently I was ready to spend it there ( I live in a different country now ) . As I ate the doughnut I was collecting Chocolates I never had before , Chocolates that had new flavors and I kept coming around the section for like 3 - 4 times . And I spent two hours there selecting chocolates and still never paid . ( I reached there at 8 am and it was 10 am already ) And my dad saw me buying and he knew I was spending the money . After he left I kept searching for some more time and I went to pay the bill with a handful of chocolates ( Kitkat with something free inside , Galaxy 's new flavors ) . And exactly when i was about to pay I saw these ice - cream cups in offer and I wanted to eat that as well , when the guy when to take the cup for me I tasted it and didn 't like it . The guy came and when I told him I didn 't like it . he showed me many other flavors and I was really confused to do it all over again . I love chocolates in real and Love trying new ones especially ice creams and chocolate candies ! And I spend a lot of time shopping in real life both for clothes and stuff not being able to make a good choice . Historically , the New Year 's baby died from an unknown cause when he was almost 2 months old . My dream depicts an alternate history of the time when Henry VIII Tudor 's son , Henry , Duke of Cornwall had lived passed 2 months . In the dream , I was the Tudor heir himself . Prior to my birth , a stillborn girl was born on 31 January , 1510 . I was born in a royal bedroom chamber in the Richmond Palace on 1 January , 1511 . The chamber is a Tudor - styled bedroom with intricate carvings on the smooth brown timber frames . The walls were elaborately designed , appropriate for the Tudor age of 1511 . My mother was the colour of snow . Her soft cheeks were cherry blossoms and her dark red wires shimmer in the light . On the day of my birth , mother wore a white Tudor - styled maternity dress that embraces her beautiful figure . She is Catherine of Aragon , the Queen of England at that time . " You have a healthy baby boy , your majesty , " said the mistress to my mom . The mistress soaked me with water and wrapped me in a royal fabric . The mistress handed the fragile baby to my mom . Mother looked at my irresistible face for the first time . She gently stroke my sparse blonde hair . My bright blue eyes gazed at mother 's calm face . Her petite lips touched my head lightly as I showed signs of life and virtue . I was a fresh baby boy , indeed , who was as soft as peach fuzz . " The king must know this splendid news ! " exclaimed the mistress . She rushed out of the room . The mistress was heard from the hallways of Richmond Palace , announcing " a baby boy was born ! " Minutes later , an obese man in king 's clothing entered the room . His black hat with a white feather covered his short hair . His bright red beard covered his entire jaw and chubby cheeks . His eyes were the colour of the ocean . Bright gold jewels adorned his magnificent red and orange Tudor garb . He is Henry VIII Tudor , the King of England at that time . He came to see me for the first time . He looked at me in the eyes . " I am your father , " he said in a soft voice . My father sat next to my mom on the chair . He cleared his throat and continued , " Someday , you will grow up to be a great king of the Tudor Dynasty . You shall someday be Henry IX Tudor , 3rd Tudor king of England . " Upon my birth , my father was very proud . Both of my parents planned extravagant celebrations for my birth as the heir of the Tudor Dynasty . On the same day , I was taken to the English court with my parents and was granted Dukedom . I became known as the Duke of Cornwall . " Little Prince Hal , as heir apparent to the English throne , you are expected to become the Prince of Wales . After your father 's death , you shall become King of England and third king of the House of Tudor , " the lead noble of the English court said about me . I was then baptised soon after . On the 5th of January , I was christened in a lavish ceremony where beacons were lit in my honour . During the christening ceremony , my relatives had presented me some fine luxuries . My godfather , Louis XII of France , gave me a fine gold salt holder and cup weighing a total 99 ounces . Several of my godparents , William Warham , Archbishop of Canterbury , and Margaret of Austria , Duchess of Savoy , gave me pieces of gold and royal tudor clothing . On the afternoon , my father held the 1511 Westminster Tournament Roll . The joust lasted for two days . In 1513 , my mother was pregnant again . Father carried me around as I explored my surroundings in the Tudor world . I was enjoying my life , as I loved my father very much . On 17 September 1513 , my father and I went back home to the palace to check on mom 's 3rd child . Another female mistress told my father that mother was giving birth . Soon , we heard a baby crying from somewhere in the palace . All three of us entered the bedroom . By the time we arrived to the bedroom , we saw a lifeless baby wrapped in a royal cloth . We saw mom crying a river . Her cheeks were very red as her lips frowned into a downward bridge . " The baby appears to be a boy . Alas , he is lifeless , " the maid informed my father about the sad news . Father and I saw the lifeless body . I was curious about my lifeless brother and took a quick look at him . He blonde baby boy who was pale with blue lips . He looked asleep . I turned to my father and asked " what hath happened ? " Father frowned and said sternly , " he is dead . " In 1514 , mother got pregnant again . On 8 January , 1515 , father and I visited mother again in the same bedroom chamber . A mistress and my brother were seen crying again . Mother handed a stillborn baby boy to my father . Father was not happy about the news . " We just celebrated the Prince of Wales ' 4th birthday a few days ago and all we got was a dead baby ? ! " father said while enraged . I sat on my mother 's lap and quietly observed my father , as he was losing his patience . In 1515 , mother got pregnant again . When it was her labor on 18 February , 1516 , a maid informed my father that a baby was born . Father came into the bedroom and mother was nursing a healthy baby girl . " Mother , can I see the baby ? " I asked . Mother showed the baby to me . Three days later , the royal Tudor family went to the Church of the Observant Friars in Greenwich . A priest poured water into Mary , as he baptised her . Several family members were appointed Godparents of my younger sister . Her godparents included her great - aunt the Countess of Devon , Lord Chancellor Thomas Wolsey , and the Duchess of Norfolk . After the baptism , my father 's cousin once removed , Margaret Pole , Countess of Salisbury , stood sponsor for Mary 's confirmation . In 1518 when I was 7 , mother got pregnant again . On 10 November , 1518 , Mary ( 2 years old by then ) and I ran to our father and told him that a baby is being born . Father came to the room to see mother . Father returned to us and said , " the baby girl is dead ! " " Good question , " father said . He walked around the hallways for a bit and his face shows that he is thinking very hard . Mary and I listened carefully . " Mary will take the throne . Alas , she is a damsel . An heir should be a boy and shall always be a boy , " my father answered . Father then left the hallways to travel somewhere else in Tudor England , and Mary and I went to mother . A mistress was crying while she carried lifeless baby girl wrapped in cloth . In 1519 when I was 8 years old and Mary was 3 years old , mother got pregnant . When she was in labor by late 1519 , father , Mary , and I visited mother in the bedroom . Mary sat next to mother in the bed . Mother gently combed Mary 's soft reddish - goldish hair . Mother said in a weak trembling voice , " Mary and Henry , I do not feel well . Take care of the baby and your father , for as the future of England depends on both of you . " Mother hugged Mary . Father looked perplexed . " I can 't lose my wife ! She gave me an heir and now she is like this ? ! " father said impatiently . When I stood by my mom , I saw her sickly body on the bed . Another mistress was carrying a healthy baby boy . On the night of Edward 's birth , we saw my mother take her last breath . A mistress informed my father about mother 's death . This was the last time we saw our mother . By the time of mother 's death , mother 's hair was brown , but everything in her appearance remained the same since my birth . " Her gentle smile shall be missed , " I told father . Father weeped and could not sleep for several days . It took him several weeks for father to overcome his sadness . Somewhere in late December 1520 , father planned to host an extravagant party for my 10th birthday . Mary was turning 5 while Edward was turning 2 . Father announced to a huge crowd of people that it has been a decade since my birth and wanted to host a party for this milestone . 1 January , 1521 was a big day for me . Early in the morning , I was dressing up in very extravagant Tudor clothing . My outfit consisted of a light brown greyish doublet adorned with silver jewels . A brown Tudor coat was worn over the doublet . I wore a white hose , a black pair of shoes , and a black tudor hat . The tudor hat had silver trimmings and some white plummage . Apart from that , I also wore several rings . On my left hand , I wore a gold ring on my pinky , a gold ring on my ring finger , and a gold ring on my thumb . On my right hand , I wore a gold ring on my pointer finger . While I was dressing up , I saw a mirror . The mirror reflected my youthful face . I resembled both Henry VIII and Catherine of Aragon mixed together . My wavy hair was light brown , as it had darkened a bit from aging . My hair was not long nor short , but it went down to my jawbones . It was in a bob styled like this . I smiled as I had admired myself in the mirror . Next to me , Mary and Edward dressed up for the celebration of my 10th birthday . Mary 's dress was purple and gold Tudor dress with white trimmings and ruffles . Edward 's outfit was much simpler than mine since he is only a toddler . He sported a red cape , an orange Tudor doublet , and a red Tudor hat with a white feather sticking out from it . As soon as we were all dressed up , father came in and we all followed him out of the palace . Many people attended the party , but most were nobles and rich people . In the morning , I watched a jousting tournament and had a feast held outside of the palace . Everybody knew my name , as I was a living heir of Henry VIII and Catherine of Aragon . They knew I was next in line for the English throne . Near noon , I got very hungry . As I pass through the crowds , I went to one of the crowded feasting tables and grabbed myself a nice juicy turkey leg . After I ate lunch , I walked around the palace yards and explored the celebration . Outside in the fields , people were watching jousting tournaments . Some were happily eating at feasting tables while others were dancing along with Tudor music . Inside the palace , people were feasting as chefs from everywhere served geese , pigs , and a lot of food to people . As I strolled around the palace fields , people sometimes give me bits of gold and jewelry . Many congratulated me for reaching 10 years old . Soon , a forgetful young man bumped into me while I was entering inside the palace . " Young lad , what are you doing here ? " the man asked . " I just want to enter my father 's palace , " I said . I cleared my throat . " As thou canst seeth , I am Henry IV Tudor , Prince of Wales and the Duke of Cornwell . I am also the heir apparent of the English throne in the house of Tudors , " I seriously informed him . He was surprised to see that I was the 10 year old heir apparent that several people were talking about . " I apologise , your highness , but I have one question , " he looked at me with a confused eye . " Where is your mother ? " he asked ? My eyebrows lowered a little bit . I almost frowned , but I kept a serious face . " Mother is dead , " I said in a stern voice . " She hast diedeth almost 2 years ago when my baby brother , Edward VI , was born , " I informed him . " I am so proud of you , Little Prince Hal . You are a great son , but I have something special to show you , " he said . He got up from his throne and we went one floor above from ground level . In front of us was a balcony . We went there and he showed me the celebration from above . I was happy to see the people . People cheered to see me and my father . After a while looking at the palace fields from above , we went back in . As the sky grew darker and the day was coming to an end , I joined several feasts and ate expensive food . I ate mashed potatoes , peas , and a goose leg . I was having fun . When I saw people dancing to Tudor music inside the palace ballroom in front of father , I joined in the dance . My father was enjoying the view . Edward was sitting on father 's lap while Mary danced . The day ended normally when I got too sleepy and that when it was time to sleep . " This was a splendid day , father . Indeed it was . It was an honour that I have a kind a caring father just like you , " I told him . Henry tucked me to bed . " Well now , Little Prince Hal , it is time to sleep . In 8 - 10 years , we shall host another party , but this time it shall be grand even that shall be remembered throughout history . It will be your coronation , " Henry smiled and told me . I hugged father for the last time . My dream was set in the old party area that was reserved for children 's birthday parties in KFC ( I have only ever been to KFC once which was for one of these parties in kindergarten so I 'm not 100 % sure but I think they 've gotten rid of this party space now ) . I 'm not entirely sure whose party it was but my whole year at high school were crammed into this space in full school uniform , however we were well over the age limits being mixtures of 17 and 18 year olds . I was sat at a table with a bunch of my friends and we were laughing and having a good time . In real life , many of the friends I was sat with are vegans or vegetarians yet in the dream we were all morbidly obese and stuffing our faces with fried chicken . My science teacher from year 8 was supervising us all and encouraging us to eat more and more chicken which seemed in endless supply . It was both delicious and addictive despite hating this type of food in reality . One of my friends handed out these big , colourful , marbled pieces of plastic to everyone in the year - one for each person . She said they were eye contacts so everyone slid them into their right eye , resulting in one rainbow eye . However , after a while they began to hurt and cause blackness of vision - I believe they caused blindness in one eye . Then , all my friends at my table got up to go to the bathroom so they could take mirror selfies with their contacts . I decided I 'd rather stay and eat more chicken . While they were gone this girl I have almost nothing to do with anymore who I used to sit with in year nine and found extremely annoying , came over to my table and started to grab handfuls of my fried chicken . I was furious and yelling at her to eat her own and fuck off but she did not say a word and continued to steal and eat my chicken right next to me . I couldn 't control my temper any more so I punched her in the face and began to pin her to the floor and beat her up . I kept going and going even when she was unconscious with everyone watching in horror . I woke up incoherently yelling and viRead My ex and I were done with years ago . I don 't consciously think about him . In my dream I am running from him physically . In my dream he is dark . Tall scary dark and looking for me . ( He looks nothing like that in real life . ) He is stalking me . And I do not know why . He had other people working with him to find me . I would try to run to other peoples houses and yet he would eventually find me . I would be able to get away from him . At one point he caught me and I was sitting next to him with my hands bound in chain looking like I am drugged . He pulls the leash to where my hands move closer to him and lays my head on his shoulder . He has an evil smile on his face . I some how get away and he keeps chasing me . The closest he was ever able to get near me after that was when he would be in the same room . star _ nightdreamer In the beginning of my dream , I was re - connecting with friends I haven 't seen in over 7 years . I felt a little out of tune as they were showing me the things they had fun with . However , I also noticed that they were not communicating with each other and even though they all had fun memories they all felt very lonely and disconnected . No one knew how the other really felt . My friend 's daughter shows me the Zip line that she likes to ride which happens to flow along a major city street with traffic and all . I thought that was fun but had business to attend to . Then I met my friend , I needed access to som hospital records but they were not available to me . At this point , the hospital morphed into a hotel and there as I desperately sought to find records a janitor came over to help me . He was brilliant and intelligent but never realised . He said to me these doctors don 't know that I understand everything they say , but I know I should have gone to school . Maybe one day I will . So I see his face , it is kind and sincere . I know he will do amazing things . He said let me help you . He pulls out a computer from his janitor closet and said , " Don 't let anyone know I have this " , and apparently he hacked into records most doctors don 't have . Funnily enough physical files started manifesting on his desk . After a foot tall pile manifested he told me this was not the place that would have the records I needed . He told me to look at the prison . I walked to the prison and the foreboding walls , then my friend said that she had access , and turned herself into a man , and walked up to a prison for which she had clearance to enter . She got inside ( more like he , now ) and then opened a window and had me come in . She / he handed me a folder and said that this is what I needed and I climbed out of the window just in time when the other guard heard my friend who secured my window upon exiting . I look at the file and while I do so I find myself walking and through the side of town where the homeless people camp , the sky was dark and at the waniCatherinesj I just had a weird . . Dream . my crush and 2 of my friends were in it . . . We were all playing this game in real life . . Like The Hunger Games . . And I killed 1 of them . . ; - - ; And my crush killed another one . . And I killed myself . . And my crush won the game . . he was Upset for some reason . . . . . And I was crying when I killed myself . . . It has more detail but it was a weird dream right ? 0 Dream about a baby I awoke awakened in my dream and when I open my eyes there was a baby in my lap it looked like a newborn baby girl . Like I see her face , the color tone of her like a light chocolate and dimples I mean just beautiful and then I heard a loud noise which woke me . Dominique Simmons So me and Nolan ( my ex ) went up to my bestfriend Aaron . Nolan had been irritated with him so he started to beat him up when he was beating him up he had asked me to help . I was hesitant at first and then I said OK lets do it . So we started beating the shit out of him . Afterwards the teacher asked me if we beat him up because she thought something was going on I told her no . Well later Aaron started crying and said you know now I hate you . You were suppose to be my friend and you did this . And the teacher said what are you talking about and he started sobbing he said they beat me up and pointed at me and Nolan . Well she told him if he needs to talk about anything he could . I just thought it was weird and I want to know what this means . 0 Giving up I dreamt that my child was being taken from me . I was told that I could not help him and the only thing I could do was give him up . I agreed and then when it was time for it to happen I changed my mind and was yelling and crying I changed my mind . Victoria Juarez Me , my family and my sister 's boyfriend are in a small hotel which is very grassy entrance and the whole hotel was all white with white tiles and therw was another small room at the grassy door with tables and chairs . So I was lying down the grassy bed and walking around the whole room and even outside at the hotel . Then we exit at the hotel and it was actually a huge mall inside . I arrived at this house , which looks strangely a lot like this house that 's very close to mine . I 'm supposed to live with this girl and her grandmother . There 's a pool in the front of the house , surrounded by a tall fence ( Except obviously , where the house is ) . So I guess I just got there , and the girl arrives with her friends and she seems to hate me for some reason . She had a guy come over , and she went inside with him and they came out a while later . He wasn 't her boyfriend , but I told myself not to get involved with her drama . She was clearly trouble and I 'd get hurt in the process . Everyone left , and she went inside , I got out of the pool ( which I was in for a while ) and she came outside because her grandmother told her to get me a towel and to show me where my room is . I started talking to her as we were walking , the house was pretty big , I never saw her grandmother in the entire dream . We walked through one room that had some beds , into my room , that had two beds and an en suite bathroom . I don 't know how it happened , but we were kissing , even though I thought that she hated me ! It got quite heated , but there was a knock at the front door or something that made her stop kissing me , and she went out to see what / who it was . This part is quite strange , and makes little to no sense . She randomly said something about me having the mind of a 39 year old , stuck in my body before she left . It turned out that the people at the door were gangsters sent by her boyfriend to see if she was cheating . I tried to lock my door , but I didn 't know how to , so I just walked out because they would have come in anyway . They told me not to act tough ( I am a small female , and I guess it was pretty strange that I didn 't act as afraid as I really was ) and checked the house for any guys . There were none , so they started to have a more friendly conversation , and said that everyone that they talk to has a nickname . So I chose the nickname Suffocate , Suffo for short . They liked my nickname , and she was relieved that they didn 't suspect anything . Then everything changed . . . ( very randomly , I might add ) They were gone , it was early in the night now , and she was preparing for a huge cards tournament that was going to take place . There was a lot of people there for the tournament and to just party in general . She showed me this one card , I can 't remember what it was , but when I tried to recall it all that I could come up with was Strawberries and Mushrooms ? ? ? Maybe a Strawberry mushroom type character card , and that it was a very powerful card in the game . She normally wins using that card . I kissed the back of card without her knowledge , and put it back in her deck , and since we were alone , I kissed her for good luck , and out we went . When she sat at her place ready to play , I walked over to her , and whispered that I left a surprise for her in the game ( which was the card with my lipstick stain on it ) . Since I had no idea how the game was played , I decided to walk outside . The pool was covered , so we could walk on it . There was the guy that was with her earlier in the day , but he was with his ( actual ) girlfriend . Many of her friends were there on the other side of the pool . They were all dancing and stuff too , but I was simply watching everyone 's interactions . Two of her friends from the group announced that they were dating each other , to many a cheers from everyone around them . I eventually realized that I was kind of being a bit weird , just watching people and not attempting to have conversations . I also knew that I didn 't know anyone there since I had only arrived that afternoon , and that her friends didn 't like me because she didn 't like me before they all left . So I decided to go inside to see how the tournament was going , and I walked in at the right time . It was about to end . She ran over to me , checked my pockets and found some cards since she didn 't have the full deck . I was extremely confused as I had put ALL the cards back , and one of the cards that she found was the Strawberry Mushroom with my lipstick stain . She smiled when she saw the stain on the card , and said that it was exactly what she needed to win . She placed her last cards in an envelope it to a small pile of envelopes on the table . We walked outside together and she wasn 't afraid to be with me , as I feared . End Note : I have no memory of what " her " name is , however , as I was writing the dream down , I seemed to have at one point ( only ) written her as Jamie . Throughout the dream I didn 't say her name , and the whole dream had the underlying feeling that I should not trust her . I kept trying to not like her , because she already had a boyfriend and she seemed to hate me in the beginning . It seemed like a trap , but she turned out to genuinely like me in the end by walking out with me past everyone , so this dream is quite confusing . I dreamed of immigrating to a foreign country to study at the University of Art . I 'm drawing in the work room . The room was full of paintings . Angel Morgan had come to see me . I was very happy , and very surprised . She pointed to one of the paintings and said something . I did not notice . We embraced each other . It was strange to me . I remembered that she blessed me . I wanted to compensate . I said you do not have even the accent . If you are talking to an Iranian now , they think your language is Farsi . Because you speak very clearly . In short - Yes and Yes ! If I 'm looking for something deeply personal in my psyche , I need look no further than my dreams . Imagine billions of dream catchers snagging dreams around the world . Then imag Dreambridge is the name of my business , and ' dream - bridging ' is what I do . It is what I teach . So , what is ' dream - bridging ' ? The Dreambridge I refer to in my work is the bridge that connects Dreams an
|
During his service , Hank befriends a German prisoner - of - war , Max , who tells Hank of his twin sister , Roberta , also in captivity . An unlikely romance buds between her and Hank , leaving Hank conflicted between his allegiance to the American Army and his love for Roberta . Hank decides to break out Max and Roberta , and together they make a desperate flight through war - torn Germany where they witness first - hand the destruction post - war Europe has endured . Leaving Max behind in Switzerland , they make their way to the port city of Trieste , where they board a ship and depart to the seas , dealing with pirates , facing adversity , making new friends , Glen graduated from the United States Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs , Colorado , then earned a Masters of Business Administration at The University of Wisconsin at Madison . He served in the US Air Force on the Manned Orbiting Laboratory space exploration program and on the design phase of the development of the F - 15 fighter aircraft . After leaving the Air Force , Glen returned to Wisconsin and became Vice President of the largest bank in his home state , First Wisconsin National Bank . In 1979 , he moved on to become President and CEO of several real estate development and management companies . Glen retired in 2009 to devote " Hank , this is what I want you to do . " Captain Stein stepped closer and looked Hank squarely in the eyes with a very serious look , as if to say , this is damn important to me , so listen carefully and do what I tell you to do . He had Hank 's attention anyway with everything he revealed without Hank making any effort to find out for himself . All this information was just ' falling into his lap ' . " I want you to meet with the girl , Roberta . Get to know her first ; don 't get in too much of a hurry . We don 't want to spook her into keeping her mouth shut . Use your friendship with Max to get her confidence ; she 'll want to know everything about him . Use that to find out what you can about how much she knew or Max knew about what Schoellkopf was doing . Find out who he was talking with and meeting with . They should know who was coming to the house . She probably knows what they did with the records from his office . We need everything , every scrap . Get any clue you might be able to schmooze out of her that could help us find the bastards who are still on the loose out there . " Hank was dumbfounded - speechless - couldn 't contain his angst . He felt the heat rising on his skin and knew he was turning a bright red . He felt like he had unexpectedly been caught in a devious plot - couldn 't run forward or backward - couldn 't do anything to get out of the plight thrust upon him . " Ah , ahhh , nothing , sir . Ah … I … ah , just never imagined I would be doing this kind of thing . You caught me off guard . All I ever wanted was to be a farmer . I never in a million years thought I would be chasing criminals in Germany . I don 't know the first thing about this kind of work . " " You 'll do fine , Hank . I saw how you befriended Max and that makes you uniquely prepared to meet with his sister ; his twin sister no less . You 're just looking for information . Get to know her ; gain her trust . You are a good man , Hank , just be yourself . At any rate , none of us chose to be where we are now , but we have to do what we have to do , and this is what our country wants us to do right now . I know how much you love America , and I know you 'll get this job done for all of us . Now , pull yourself together , man , and get to work . Go see her right now . " Hank silently chaffed at the sound of being called a " good man " , which he certainly wasn 't feeling at the moment . He was trapped in his own plot , thinking , Why in the hell did I ever agree to meet with Oliver and Max . Now look at the fix I 'm in . I should have let well enough alone and never seen them again . Gain her trust ? What about Max 's trust ? Hank felt dirty and didn 't see his way out of his mess , so he did the only thing he could think to do in the moment . The ride out to the Displaced Persons Camp , the DPC , wasn 't nearly as long as Hank would have liked . He needed time to think , but within minutes , the Army Jeep pulled up in front of the impoundment surrounded by a tall wire fence with barbed wire strung along the top . He showed his identification papers and they drove into the compound . Max had a sick feeling in his stomach and his hope that something would happen to keep his meeting with Roberta from happening was fading fast . He had no alternative but to see his job through . He felt like he was losing his integrity - felt ashamed . Roberta sat on a straight backed wooden chair at a small table in the center of the room . The late morning sun streaked through the barred window at the rear casting its golden glow across the floor and onto the black prison gown she wore , forming the image of the bars from the window . It struck Hank as a very sad scene . He saw Roberta as a victim caught up in an evil situation . Hank was more excited than he even imagined he would be - his breathing elevated and everything around him seemed to disappear except the vision of Roberta seated with her head down , eyes fixed blankly on the table . He was still uncertain how he would begin , and awkwardly pulled his chair out and sat down without speaking , quietly looking at her as she sat still with her head hanging down - sadly , he thought . The sight of her and the sadness evoked a flow of empathy in him . He decided to sit quietly without speaking and wait for her . Roberta didn 't move . Hank was struck by how small she was , much smaller than Max , but with the same dark brown hair , almost black . Her skin was silky smooth and her hands were so tiny and looked so innocent . Hank realized he hadn 't looked at a woman seriously , really looked at a woman since he left Wisconsin . It had been four months . He was enjoying their silence . After what seemed to Hank a very long time , Roberta slowly raised her head , revealing the dampness of tears on her cheeks ; she had been crying for a very long time . Then she raised her sad silver - blue - green eyes to meet his . He was startled at how beautiful she was and her look seemed to penetrate right through him as if she could see all the way to his heart . He was momentarily mesmerized ; the golden glow of the sun seemed to shimmer , and his heart beat faster - he had not expected this . It took a few moments before he realized they had not spoken . He felt awkward . " Do you know who I am ? " She quietly intoned just those few words , but they were music in his ears , like the wind blowing gently through the pines atop the bluffs at home . They beckoned him , made him feel warm . " Well , I don 't know ? " Hank was taken aback . He didn 't expect her to ask for his help , but deep inside he knew that 's what he wanted to do . It was his natural instinct to help . He had no idea what she had been told of his visit . " What do you think I can help you with ? " " They broke into my home and took me away . I have not done anything wrong . I am innocent . I had no idea what my father was doing in the SS . I only know that he is a very generous and kind man who is fair and just . Why have you imprisoned me ? " Roberta spoke pitifully from her broken heart . It was obvious she was suffering greatly in her circumstances . " Are you here to interrogate me too ? Like the others ? Do you want to force me to say things that are not true ? Should I tell you lies so you will leave me alone ? They told me my father is dead , that he killed himself that he didn 't really care about me . How could they be so cruel ? Why ? Why ? Why ? " Roberta began sobbing uncontrollably , and Hank felt the full emotional burden of her pain , reacting how he would to any person in need ; he reached his arm around her shoulders and comforted her . " It 's OK . It 's OK . I understand . Go ahead and cry . I don 't mind . There , there . " Hank was drawn to her as if by a spiritual force , not a magical or religious experience , but a feeling he understood her and felt her pain intensely . " No , Roberta , I am not here to interrogate you . I 'm not going to badger you , threaten you , or abuse you in any way . I am very sorry about your father . I 'm sure he was a very good man and he loved you very much . I need to get to know you better so I can understand how I can help you . There is nothing I would like better than for you to be able to get out of here and go home . This war has been miserable for all of us . " " Home ? Home ? I have no home . My home in Munich was given to the Nazi 's . The British have taken my home here in Hamburg . My mother is dead , now they tell me my father is dead , and my brother was taken prisoner by you Americans and I don 't know if he is alive or dead ! I have nothing , nothing , and no one ! " Hank was startled . It was enough that Roberta began sobbing again , but he was surprised to learn she had not accepted that her father was dead , and she didn 't know about Max either . Hank felt an incredible sadness for her , but he thought better of telling her that Max was alive and he knew where Max was , and that Max was looking for her . These were things he could use at the right time to get Roberta to cooperate and maybe even to forge a friendship . He would need time to decide how to proceed , and just when to tell her these things . He needed to get out of there for the time being and come back prepared the next day . At that moment his head and his heart were at odds with each other . He needed time to get his emotions sorted out , and didn 't know for sure what he wanted for himself . The words his father spoke to him the last night they were together rang in his ears … sometimes your special moments will grab you unexpectedly . No matter how they come , you have to be ready . Hank wondered if this was such a moment . His heart seemed to be immersed in ecstasy , but his head was pulling him back - trying to discern the wisdom of his father 's words . The moment and its illumination necessarily had to pass , but the conviction it etched in his heart would remain forever . Hank knew Captain Stein would be anxious to hear how his meeting went , so he was prepared with a very positive report , telling the Captain that it went very well ; he had established a great rapport and formed the beginning of a friendship that surely would yield good results . It would just take more time . He didn 't want to push too hard . Stein thought that was great , just what he had thought would be the best approach himself . He knew it would take a little time . Sleep never really came for Hank that night . Every time he dozed off he saw Roberta looking at him with those big beautiful eyes , hair flowing in the breeze and a smile on her lips that melted his heart . He tossed and turned , dozed off again , and was awakened time and again by his vision of Roberta . His visions were interrupted with his confusion about what or when to talk with Roberta about her father and Max - then , of course , there was Max , and Oliver , who were anxious to hear from him about Roberta the next evening . Hank was in a mess . Toward the early morning , he gave up trying to sleep . He lay in his bunk wrestling his anxiety about how he would approach Roberta to get information that would satisfy Stein . He was in a quandary over forces pulling him in opposing directions . He didn 't believe Roberta was guilty of doing anything to support the Nazi 's and he didn 't think she knew anything about what her father was doing , but he was under pressure to come up with clues . The opposing force was more compelling - he thought he might be in love for the very first time . Whatever he chose to do , he would follow his heart . The first thing the next morning , he left for the prison camp , arriving early . He asked for Roberta to be summoned and sat nervously at the table for what seemed a very long time . His heart leaped when he heard footsteps on the wooden floor and rose to face the door , not sure if she would be happy to see him again , but hoping she would . She stood just inside the door with her head tilted toward the floor until the guard closed the door behind her and slid the lock in place with a heavy clunk . When she raised her head Hank captured the image he would remember all his life . Roberta 's eyes sparkled in a way he had never seen eyes sparkle , the smile on her lips stretched wide , she lighted up the room like sunshine , and she vanquished any reservation that remained . She really was happy to see him ! And , she was so beautiful . He was in love . He had the sensation of having no weight , all the concerns of his life evaporated , nothing else mattered . His first impulse was to rush toward her , wrap her in his arms and caress her , but he hesitated , thinking it may not be what he hoped . At that first movement , Roberta leaped forward into his arms . He felt the brush of her hair and the exquisite softness of her cheek on his as her arms stretched up to squeeze his neck and he leaned to fold her into his arms . The warmth of her body pressed firmly against him brought a surge of emotion he didn 't know could be so strong . He longed to kiss her lips , but held her tightly , her head pressed against his neck and shoulder , and felt her body gently throbbing as her warm tears of joy wet his neck and cheek . It had been so long since he felt such intimacy . " Oh , Hank , It has been so long since anyone cared how I feel ; so long since I have felt anyone so sensitive , who cared about me . I thought I would never feel this way about anyone ! I feel like we have known each other a very long time , well , since forever . " " I feel the same way ! " Hank was giddy , as excited as a young high school boy at his first prom with the most beautiful girl he had ever seen . Then he realized there was something he had to tell her that he must say right away . Roberta stood back and looked up at Hank with a look Hank understood . She wanted good news , she was desperate for good news . She couldn 't speak , her expression said , tell me … tell me , now ! Hank caught Roberta as her legs buckled under her , falling into his arms as she wept with joy . Once again she was comforted in his arms . Hank felt good . He was able to make her happy . " Whoa , whoa , little one . Yes , he is here in Hamburg and he is perfectly fine . He was captured by our American troops in France and has been in a prison camp in America , but now he is here in Hamburg , safe and sound . " " Those are good questions , but the answers are not easy . Of course , he cannot come here to see you , or he would be arrested just like you . And , of course , you cannot go to see him . But I have an idea that may have to suffice as the best we can do for now . " " I will continue to meet with you as we have been meeting . I can carry messages for both of you , but they will have to be verbal only . I don 't want to risk anything written . I know you want to see him and hold him , but we cannot do that now . But , I have an idea . I will arrange for Max to come near here at a distance and you can see each other across the field . Look out that window . You see there is a woods there ? I will have Max come to the woods so you can see him and he can see you . I know it isn 't what you would like , but for now it may be the best I can do . " Her words startled him . My darling , he pondered the thought . He had never heard those words from anyone but his mother . They felt good , really good , and he was delighted to see her happy . There was little rest for Hank again that night . His heart and his mind were being pulled in different directions . He had made commitments to Max and Oliver , then to Captain Stein , and now to Roberta . He had always been trusted by everyone , a pillar of integrity . Now , he would surely destroy that reputation . As he tossed and turned , and scolded himself for getting himself into such a quandary , his thoughts kept going back to Roberta , warm thoughts full of wonder and excitement . But , as the night progressed , doubts began to creep into his head . Hank couldn 't deny how he felt ; he felt fantastic , incredible . He had met the girl of his dreams - love at first sight . He couldn 't wait to see her again . She was everything he had always imagined she would be , everything he hoped for in a woman . Yet , he began to wonder , is this real ? Could it be possible for two people to be in love when they 've only known each other for two days ? Was he being foolish ? Had the events of the past five months and his absence from the comforts of home made him vulnerable in a dangerous way ? A frightful pang of fear shot through his gut as he thought : Is she just using me ? Does she see me as her way out of confinement ? Am I being fooled by her ? Maybe she doesn 't care about me at all ; she only needs me to get what she really wants . Why should I trust her ? I don 't really know her . Oh , what a fool I must be to fall for the first beautiful woman who shows an interest in me , who caresses me . Am I that vulnerable ? Am I that foolish ? Thoughts of Roberta dazzled and confused him ; nothing in his young life had ever left him so unsure of himself . No amount of concentration overcame the cascade of emotions flooding his chest . He tossed and turned long into the night , soaked his pillow through with his sweat , though he wasn 't warm , and felt his pulse exploding his temples ; alternating between visions of pure , romantic love and sheer foolishness . The pull on his heart skidded back and forth like a tug of war . That is … until he recalled his mother 's words , spoken on his eighteenth birthday , just after a high school sweetheart informed him that another man had won her heart . Hank , you are such a precious son . I adore you . I am sad when you are sad , but you must know this pain you feel will pass . Sometimes love is fleeting , it may disappear as quickly as it appears . You have your whole life ahead of you . I know you will meet the woman who will love you completely , and for your lifetime . I have no doubt . Love between a man and a woman cannot be easily defined ; love comes in many forms and is never the same for everyone . Almost always love charges into your life like a cosmic experience , even magical , it is so difficult to predict or understand . Sometimes that special feeling in your heart really is true love - sometimes not . When love comes suddenly , we can be swept off our feet . It 's a dazzling experience that confuses us . That 's often called love at first sight , but it 's never really love at first sight . If it happens to you , don 't take it for granted , it 's very special and you won 't want to lose it . It 's one of the best feelings you will ever have , and I believe the best beginning for true love . Don 't be deceived , true love has to be built ; it takes a lot of hard work and may take a very long time . When two people stop working on their love , it fades , no matter if it 's the first month , the first year , the tenth or the twenty - fifth . There will always be difficulties and complications , that 's how life is , not just marriage . Use those difficulties to work on making your marriage stronger . Don 't expect not to have challenges , welcome them and be ready to take them on together . Everything really worthwhile in your life will require hard work . Your marriage is the one very most worthwhile jewel you will ever have . Laying silently in the darkness , eyes wide open , thinking warm thoughts of his mother , a smile came across his face . Of course , he thought , mother is right . I have to work on it . Tomorrow I 'll have to find out if Roberta truly feels the same way about me . Sleep finally came . He should have been exhausted the next morning , with little sleep and tormented the whole night through with all his mixed emotions , but his adrenalin had taken over . Hank needed to get things resolved , and though he wasn 't sure how to do that , he needed to attack his demons head on . By the time he met with Oliver and Max in the evening he wanted to have his life back on track . Since he was drafted there had not been a dull day in Hank 's life . He never knew quite what to expect , and that day would be no different . It would begin with his report to Captain Stein . Hank was surprised to see the Captain waiting for him . Stein motioned Hank to his office as soon as Hank appeared in the doorway . Hank 's curiosity was aroused . " Hank , we have to release everyone except the SS Officers . The staff and family are being released as soon as possible . We 'll have 30 days to hold the officers and unless we can get enough evidence they participated in war crimes we 'll have to release them too ! Something about the Geneva Convention says we can 't hold them unless we have sufficient evidence to take them to trial . It 's foolish as far as I 'm concerned . What kind of fair trial did the millions of dead Jews get ? " Hank was stunned again . His first emotion was that he was losing Roberta , but his first thought was that might be best . He had to set his feelings aside and listen to Stein without revealing his feelings . " I 'm sorry , sir . I know how important this is to you . It really would be a shame if guilty men went free . " " Ya , well , there 's nothing we can do about it but work our butts off to get the evidence we need to hold the bastards . That 's our job , and by God , we 're going to make sure every last one of them hangs for what they 've done . Did you get anything out of the girl ? " " Come on , Corporal , of course she knows things . I 'll bet she knows plenty . We 're losing a good opportunity by letting them all go . It makes our job harder . " " We 'll get busy interrogating the officers . The British have been at it for weeks . They have files on all of them . The Russians are sending men to help too , and we 're getting some young Army lawyers by next week . Today , you and I are going out there to go through files . We 'll make a list of the ones that look like they were in charge , in some position of leadership , the higher the better , then we 'll start meeting with them . I want to get the top guys . " Hank didn 't know what to think . His emotions all melted together in a jumble of confusion . All he could do was follow orders for the moment , until he could sort through all the feelings bombarding him . Within a few minutes he and Stein were on their way to the compound , where they came upon a blur of activity . Those who were being released were jubilant as groups of them gathered in the streets to celebrate . There was pitched cheering , yet , others pushed against the fence separating them from officers , loved ones and former employers who they would be leaving behind . There was sadness and tears , as well as questions about what may lay ahead for each of them , the uncertainty for those who were released to communities that may not still exist , and for those who remained in custody , facing the possibility of imprisonment or death . As Stein and Hank walked into the officer 's compound , Hank did his best to keep Stein from seeing him looking among those being released through the fence . In spite of his doubts , his heart told him he was in love and he was growing desperate about losing Roberta so soon , thinking she could be gone forever , and wishing he could know for sure if what they had begun was truly love , or whether he was just a fool . They were moving too quickly for him to see clearly . He couldn 't find her . They were up the steps and into the meeting hall , leaving behind any chance he might see her again . He was numb , unaware of anything going on around him . " Hank , Hank , come on , get moving . Pay attention ! " Stein gave him a nudge toward the stairway leading to a room above , where they spent the rest of the morning poring through files , assessing information that had been gathered by the British , looking for clues to help them decide which officers they would interrogate first . Stacks of files were set aside , awaiting the lawyer 's arrival . Hank couldn 't focus his attention ; all he could think about was that he may be losing the one person who was right for him , the one he would commit his life to . Convicting German criminals wasn 't important to him at that moment . " Captain Stein , I 'd like to see if I can find Roberta and make an appeal to her to give us the information you believe she has . Once she is gone , it will be lost . I think it 's worth a try . " " If you think so , Hank . There can 't be any harm in trying . In fact , I like your attitude . Go ahead , get what you can , and jump on another truck heading back later . I 'll see you in the morning . Good luck . " Hank felt relieved that Stein went along with the idea , but he felt a tinge of guilt for taking advantage of Stein 's trust in him . Trucks loaded with released detainees were rolling out the gate as Hank walked over to the camp . He ran alongside each truck calling Roberta 's name but got no response . Others were still loading near a barracks building to the rear . He ran into the building asking each person he came to about Roberta until an older woman stopped him . Hank 's world came to a sudden stop . He just stood there as people pushed past him toward the trucks . He lost her . She was gone . Maybe she didn 't love him after all . Maybe she just didn 't need him anymore . He really didn 't know what to think . He only knew this was the worst day of his life . Hank wouldn 't allow himself to believe it could be her . He hurried into the building and found the front office area empty , but the door to the room in back was ajar . He slowly opened the door and there sat Roberta . She leaped from her chair and into his arms with a scream of delight . " I couldn 't go . Where would I go without you now that I have found you ? I love you , Hank , I love you ! I feel like I have loved you since always , and forever . " Her arms wrapped tightly around his neck and her lips found his . Her words washed away any doubt . He had never known such elation . He was in love . It was real . He was sure of it . " Listen carefully , Roberta , we have to be really careful about this . All of the Allies have detachments assigned to find the people involved with the SS , so they 'll be looking for Max sooner or later , and maybe even now . He 'll be taking a big risk coming near here , but the plan is already arranged and we can 't stop it now . He will be in the woods at 1715 , and you will have to be there to meet him . He will be coming on a motorcycle , and there will be room for you in the sidecar with Max . Just be sure you don 't get any nearer the camp or let anyone in the Occupation Force see you . Get in the sidecar and get away from here as fast as you can ; you can stop and embrace Max after you are far away from here . " " I don 't know , my love , I don 't know right now . I 'll have to figure that out . I know where you will be with Max , so I 'll get there as soon as I can . I have to take care of things here first . Now go , get your bags together and walk to the woods while everyone is leaving so no one will notice you go , then hide there until you see the motorcycle . " Hank wasn 't sure what to think about that , but he was worried . He couldn 't imagine why Stein would turn around and go back so soon . What was out there he needed to go back for so soon ? He was nervous about it , and sat at his desk and fidgeted through some files without really paying attention to what he was reading . He couldn 't get it out of his mind that Stein was at the camp with Roberta . His tension was becoming fierce . About an hour later , Stein walked through the door … with Roberta following behind in the custody of two MP 's ; she was crying . " That 's what they said , but what they don 't know won 't hurt them , and I couldn 't let this one get away . Her daddy was just too big in the SS to just let her walk away . It bothered me all the way back , so I just turned around and went back for her ; let them complain if they can figure out she wasn 't released . By the time anyone knows she 's here , we 'll have what we want from her . She 'll be our little secret , and in no time we 'll have her singing for us . I 'll interrogate her right now while she 's frightened and upset - she may be vulnerable . Then , I have a cozy little place set aside for her in the SS camp where she 'll be locked up until she decides to cooperate . " The grin on Stein 's face made Hank sick to his stomach . Didn 't anyone live by the rules anymore ? He thought to himself . He felt the urge to kill Stein right on the spot ; the strength of his anger surprised him , he didn 't know he could be so angry or think so violently . He only knew he had to get Roberta away from Stein . And Max ! He suddenly thought of Max who would be in the woods that evening looking for Roberta in the camp , across the field , but Roberta wouldn 't be there . The camp holding the families would be empty . What would Max think ? He would probable think Hank had deceived him . He couldn 't get word to Max . For the first time in Hank 's life , he had no idea what to do . He just sank into his chair in despair , feeling like he was trapped in a complex web of lies and deceit . Once again he wished he were back in the Baraboo Hills of Wisconsin where life was simple and good . He thought , my mother wouldn 't like the mess I 've made of things , not one bit ! I 've got to figure out how to get myself out . Hank walked the three miles out to the camp . He had to meet Max to let him know what happened . If Max found the camp empty he would surely think Hank tricked him . All the while , as he walked , Hank 's thoughts were with Roberta being interrogated by Stein , and he grew angrier and angrier at Stein . It was already 1730 by the time Hank walked into the woods . At first he didn 't see Max and Robert hidden behind a thick stand of bushes , but they had seen him approaching . Max called out when Hank came near . " Calm down , Max , and let me explain . I 'm sorry . I had everything set up , but my plan was upset . The American Army lawyers decided they had to let all the families go unless they had sufficient evidence to hold them for crimes . They were all released this morning . " " She 's OK . She 's not hurt . It 's just that … well , Captain Stein is refusing to go along with the release order where Roberta is concerned . She 's being held for interrogation . Stein thinks she has information to help him find SS Officers he 's tracking down . " " No one killed him , Max . I 'm sorry I 'm the one who has to tell you this , but you deserve to know . The end of the war was very chaotic . Germany was losing huge numbers of men on both fronts , but most particularly on the Russian front . Hitler was holed up in his bunker outside Berlin , but the Russians were closing in fast . Hitler was not going to be taken alive . He and his mistress , Eva Braun , planned to kill themselves with cyanide pills and they instructed all their staff to do the same rather than be taken alive and tortured by the Russians . It 's unclear whether Hitler and Braun took the pills or if they shot themselves in the head ; the details are still pretty murky , but they are both dead along with many of the top SS Officers . Some of the Officers , like Heinrich Himmler , surrendered and are in custody waiting to be tried . They will be convicted and shot , I am sure . " " Yes , he was . He was found there , in his office along with all of his senior staff . They all took the cyanide when they heard Hitler was dead . " " Stein has confined her in a special room among the Officers . I haven 't been there to see exactly where she was taken , but the camp is heavily guarded , not like the camp where the families were detained . If you are thinking of breaking her out , I think you would be foolish to try . " " What about you , Hank ? Shouldn 't you be turning me in too ? What are you doing standing here telling me all this ? Aren 't you breaking your orders ? " " That 's right , Max , I 'm in an incredibly awkward position here . Sometimes the distinction between right and wrong gets really blurred . A few months ago I thought morality and righteousness were crystal clear , but now I see how muddy the water can get . I have compromised myself in more ways in the past few days than I ever thought I would in my entire life . I 'm not sure anymore what 's really important and what isn 't , and it 's even more complicated than you might suspect . " " Well , as you know , I 've met with Roberta the last couple days . She is quite a woman , Roberta . " The thought of Roberta stimulated Hank and he couldn 't keep a smile from forming on the corners of his lips though having just told Max about his father , he was trying his best to be stoic . Max looked back at Hank . " In love ? You 're in love with Roberta ? Just how do you think that can work , and in just two days ? Let me see here . Oh yeah , you are an American , she is a German . You 're assigned to track down SS Officers , and she 's the daughter of one of the highest ranking ones . She 's , like in jail , and you are the jailer . She 's about to go free and you are left behind in the American Army . Now tell me , how do you think this is going to work for you ? " " Like I said , she 's about to go free . Our father is dead and she is all I have left in this world . On the grave of my father , I swear to you , Roberta will not spend another night in her confinement . " " You 're crazy , Max . You 'll both be killed . I understand how upset you are ; I 'd be just as upset if I just heard my father died , and I know it 's horrible that Roberta is being held . You may not want to believe it , but I 'm really upset about that too ; even though it 's been only two days . I love Roberta whether you want to believe it or not . Now , let 's settle down here and think this through . " " There 's nothing more to think about . My mind is made up . Now what are you going to do Hank ? Are you going to follow your heart or your orders ? " Hank felt like he was wrapped tightly in the middle of a huge spider web , and a deadly spider twice his size was coming for him . He couldn 't move . He felt doomed . Maybe I deserve this . Maybe this is what happens when you forget your values and compromise your integrity . Maybe your guilt grows and grows until you can 't control it and it consumes you . You finally see what you 've done wrong , but it 's too late to do anything about it ; there are too many things to deal with . Hank just shook his head slowly , disgusted that his actions had led to such a momentous decision point . Visions of his home in Wisconsin flashed through his mind - his mother , father , sister , the farm , the hills , the lakes , fishing , hunting , and all the many things he loved and missed so much . He was confused and conflicted . His mind told him to do the right thing , but his heart ached . He felt all that he had held most dear in his life passing away , while his heart yearned for Roberta , alone and locked up not more than two hundred yards away . At that moment , his past seemed to slip painfully away , his present boiled , his future lay uncertain . His world was closing in to suffocate him . Once Hank committed himself to helping Max and Roberta he was fully engaged and wasn 't looking back . In all probability he would never be able to go back to his former life , and he knew how much he was sacrificing . Ironically , he again drew strength from his family in Wisconsin - a strong work ethic based on his German ancestry , and a determination to complete every task to the best of his ability . " If you are going to do it , do the best job you can do and don 't give up until the job is done , " his father used to tell him . His mind was clear , he accepted his predicament , and focused on his next challenge . By the time the three of them returned to Richard 's place , Hank had a plan . Oliver was livid when he heard that Roberta had been kept in custody when the others were released . He never liked Stein and his expletive laced rant was replete with threats that he would personally kill Stein if he was given the chance . Max heard all he wanted to hear from Oliver . " Ok , Oliver , that 's enough ! Get over it . We need to focus on the situation as it stands right now , and accomplish what we need . We don 't want to further complicate matters with emotional outbursts or by taking actions that only get us deeper into trouble - calm down . " " Today , Stein came back to headquarters with Roberta and interrogated her there . It 's a much more secure area and away from the SS Officers who I am sure will complain bitterly about her detainment . I would guess those are the reasons he brought her there , and I 'm willing to bet that 's what he will continue to do . It also means he doesn 't have to go to the camp himself ; he can stay in his comfortable surroundings . Right now , Stein trusts me . Until the lawyers arrive in a few days , it 's just the two of us and a couple clerks . " I 'll volunteer to be the one to get Roberta from the camp tomorrow morning . About half way back , the road goes through a heavily wooded area , just to the west of an old farmhouse that burned . You can tell which one I mean . It 's the only one near that area that has burned and the silo is still standing but its roof is gone . Max , you drive the motorcycle out to the woods near that house and hide in the trees . Go out early and find a way to get the bike out the back . The area is full of back roads and paths used for farm wagons and animals . This country is just like back home , there are old roads and trails going everywhere . If you can find a way to get us out of there without going back to the main road we can make our escape tomorrow ; if not , we 'll have to come up with another plan . " When we get to the farmhouse , I 'll have Roberta claim she has to relieve herself in a hurry - an emergency . I 'll order the driver to stop so she can go behind the burned out barn . I 'll stand watch in front of the barn . Be sure you and the motorcycle are as close to the barn as you can get without being seen . If the opportunity comes when the driver is not paying attention , Roberta and I will run to the woods where we will meet you . On the motorcycle we can get back here well before they can catch us . It will take the driver five or ten minutes to get back to headquarters and alert them . He may not even care that we escape , everyone 's pretty upset that Stein held Roberta . They don 't really want any part of it , but they 're afraid to say anything . " " Good , Hank . I think it can work . If I can 't find a route for our escape , then I won 't be there , and we 'll have to come up with another plan . Good . I know this kind of farm country very well . You are right , there are dirt roads leading everywhere . If necessary I may have to cut across a field or through a woods , but on the bike we can go where the Army trucks and Jeeps can 't go . I 'll have a route planned by the time you get there ; when will that be do you think ? ' " I like your idea , Hank , it was quick thinking . You would have made a good officer . Now , I 'll have Richard take you back while Oliver and I start thinking about how we get out of here once we have Roberta . Thanks , Hank . We 'll see you at the woods in the morning . " Max had a big grin on his face . Hank could hardly wait until morning , he was so excited . He thought he would feel worse about running off from the Army , and he didn 't know if he would ever see home and his family again , but he was determined to see his plan through . He didn 't like the thought that the Army , and maybe even Stein himself , would be after him , but strangely , he didn 't regret his decision . If that was the price he would have to pay to be with Roberta and be in charge of his own life , then he was willing to pay it . He felt no remorse , only excitement for what lay ahead . The bare essentials were packed in a small duffel bag that wouldn 't be conspicuous . He left all of his uniforms , except the one he wore . By the time the bugler played " Taps " signaling the end of the day and lights - out , he and everyone in the barracks were in their bunks . As soon as he closed his eyes he saw the image of Roberta against a backdrop of the moon and the stars as if the universe held their future together . He never saw the heavens so bright and clear . He chuckled to himself and a half grin lifted one side of his face as he thought to himself , They say we haven 't known each other long enough , but I 'm not going to miss the one chance I may have in my life to keep the girl of my dreams - I know the shining star I see . I don 't know what may come in the days ahead , but I know what tomorrow will bring , and I am at peace . He slept so well that the next sound he heard was Reveille over the loudspeakers at 0600 hours instantly bringing him to attention . It was still several hours before he would leave to escort Roberta to headquarters , and the wait would seem like an eternity . He was showered , dressed , and had breakfast all before 0700 . He was so confident he would be able to make his arrangement with Stein he didn 't think much about it ; everything seemed to be going according to plan . Just as Stein had the previous two days , he motioned Hank to his office as he walked in . This time , Stein had a different look on his face , a curious look as if he had just discovered a big secret , and he was in a hurry . Hank rose quickly , sensing an urgency , and sat across the desk from Stein . Stein put his feet up on the desk and leaned back in his chair . Hank hadn 't seen him do that before . Stein 's " curious look " turned into a " you - won 't - believe - what - I - just - found - out " kind of expression that shook Hank up . He wasn 't prepared for any surprises - not on this day ! " Guess who I just got off the phone with . " Stein seemed to be baiting Hank and it made him even more uncomfortable , as if something big was about to happen and it wouldn 't be good . Hank hesitated before he spoke . " I didn 't believe it would happen . It 's a miracle ! They found Haynes ALIVE ! I didn 't get the full details , but apparently he was able to make it to shore before he lost consciousness and was taken in by a family who were squatting in an old house in the woods near the river . I guess he fell into a coma and had some broken bones , but he was groaning and they thought he was telling them not to let anyone know he was there . The Military Police finally found him when they searched the house . Damndest story I 've heard in all my life ! " Hank nearly fell out of his chair . He was sure the terrified look on his face would give away the secret he was holding tightly , as if with Haynes alive , Hank would now become the target of the Army 's investigation . His plan would be ruined . " Ha ! You 're just as surprised as I am aren 't you . I didn 't think there was any way on God 's green earth Haynes could survive that fall into the river . I thought sure his body was trapped underwater and he would never be found . " Hank desperately tried to compose himself , but felt his life slipping away , along with Roberta . Maybe , just maybe , he could still pull off his escape before Haynes showed up and made an allegation against him , or tried to kill him . Haynes reappearing gave him even more reason to run . His worrying over Haynes was justified . " He 's here , in Germany . They called me from Bremerhaven this morning . He was on the next ship that left from Galveston three weeks after we did . I would have thought he 'd be reassigned stateside , but apparently he was so determined to be reassigned to his unit they agreed to let him come - what a guy ! " " He 's been in Bremerhaven for a few days while they figured out how to put us together . Damned Army doesn 't know one hand from the other . He 'll be here this afternoon . I asked that he be assigned to work with us . " Hank couldn 't believe what he heard . Haynes coming to Hamburg now - to work with them ? If Stein agreed that he be assigned to work with them , then Haynes must not have made any accusations against him . Hank sensed an opportunity he had to grab before it was too late . " Yes , I know , but those were under different circumstances . I know you both pretty well , and I like you both . You 're the kind of men I need , so I think it 's worth a try . Anyway , I already put the paperwork through , that 's why Haynes is on his way here now . " " Stein , with Haynes coming in later , I 'd better go after Roberta now so we can put pressure on her to talk . The sooner the better , while she 's upset . We don 't want to give her time to calm down and put a story together for us . " " That 's why I like you , Hank , You 're always thinking . You 'll make a good officer someday . You are right . Go after her and I 'll be ready when you get back . It 's 0815 now , so let 's say you get her back here by 0945 . Now go . " The wind went out of his sails a little . Every little glitch could be fatal , he thought , while he told himself not to worry - it 's just routine . While the call was being made , Hank thought of another strategy that was worth trying . " Say , I know the way out there . There 's no need to have both of us go . I 'm perfectly capable of securing a small woman on my own . " It was just past 0830 when they approached the burned farmhouse about half way to the camp . Hank was getting more anxious with every minute that passed , thinking of seeing Roberta and how surprised she might be to see him . He thought he would have to get a signal to her so she wouldn 't look happy to see him and raise suspicion . He worried that Max wouldn 't be in the woods , but as they approached , Hank was in the passenger seat in the front and caught a glimpse of Max tucked into the woods , out of sight if you weren 't looking right at him . His heart began to race - everything seemed to be working as planned . Hank put his hand out the window and up over the roof where the driver couldn 't see him give Max an assuring wave . " Say , I think it would be a good idea if I went into the room by myself for a minute . She 's very upset about being detained and I 've met with her a couple days and I think I have her trust . She will probably be a lot calmer if I go in to get her . " Hank knocked and opened the door slowly so he could see where she was . When he spotted her he put his hand up as if to say , quiet , quiet , be careful . He spoke firmly as those outside might expect him to , while mixing in instructions under his breath . " Just settle down , lady , it will go a lot easier on you if you just cooperate . No one wants to hurt you . Come along , we 're going for a ride . " Then under his breath , he whispered . " When I say , ' We certainly bombed the living hell out of this place ' make a big point about having a bathroom emergency , like you 've got to stop immediately . Go behind the burned out farmhouse . I 'll give you a couple minutes then I 'll let you know what to do after that . Be prepared to run . Just follow me when I say go . " With Roberta in the front passenger seat , they headed back down the road toward the farmhouse . Just as he planned , Hank said , " We certainly bombed the living hell out of this place . " Immediately Roberta acted like she had a horrible stomach cramp and demanded the driver to stop at the farmhouse that was approaching on the left . Of course he did what any gentlemen would have done . He stopped in front of the farmhouse , situated perhaps 75 yards or so from the road . Roberta jumped out , playing her role to a " T " . Hank was right behind her . Hank could hardly walk a straight line , he was so nervous . His heart banged against his chest and sweat beaded on his forehead . He could see Max tucked into the woods . He moved closer to the edge , straining to get a glimpse of Roberta … and then the driver saw Max too . " Go ! Go ! Roberta ! " Hank ran behind the house and took her arm . Seeing them take off , Max roared toward them . In seconds they were in the sidecar and sped away toward the back of the farm as the driver ran to the truck . Once he was sure they were secure in the motorcycle , Hank looked back and to his amazement , the driver was turning onto the farm , giving chase . Hank didn 't expect this . He didn 't think anyone would care enough to want to go after them , particularly not a driver . He yelled a few distasteful words in his direction that were quickly swallowed up by the roar of the motorcycle . Within half a mile , the old farm road Max had found narrowed to a livestock path not more than five or six feet wide between two wooden fences strung with barbed wire , just enough room to get the motorcycle through , but not enough for a truck . A couple hundred yards down the path and Max slowed and angled the cycle enough to see the truck stopped where the road narrowed and they all let out a laugh , more out of relief than anything . The driver had done them a favor , really , it would be just that much longer before he got back to headquarters . By that time they would be safe in Richard 's apartment . Max looked down at Roberta with the sweetest , softest , most endearing look Hank had ever seen , and said , " Hold on , Berta ! We 'll stop up ahead when we 're out of sight and I 'll squeeze you like there 's no tomorrow ! " Helene Cohen Bludman says March 3 , 2014 at 11 : 05 am I love the theme of romance with war as a backdrop . This sounds like a great read . Adding it to my list . Karen @ TheMissingNiche says March 3 , 2014 at 8 : 08 pm I love historical romances ! I am going to put this on my list of books to read . Looks like it is a good one ! Cara says March 3 , 2014 at 10 : 19 pm This sounds like a wonderful book ! I love that it is based on history . Thanks for sharing ! Wendy @ ABCs and Garden Peas says March 4 , 2014 at 1 : 03 am Sounds like this author has quite a varied background . Successful guy ! I 'd love to read his work . Always on the go mom and wife who loves sunny beaches , fitness and eating healthy , traveling , strong coffee , and sneaking chocolate in the bathroom . Follow along on our adventures ! Read More …
|
This story follows the characters of my novella , Strings , a fairytalesque story of puppets , princes , and political intrigue . This story takes place after the novella is finished , and thus contains some spoilers for the book . You 'll get more out of it if you know the characters anyway ! " No ! Marco ! " Prince Grey shouted as Black clattered to the edge of the puppet stage . Grey hurried over and pulled him into his arms . " Why ? Why did you take such a horrible curse for me ? Your endless valor has cut your life short , and it is all my fault ! " The audience was rumbling , a bit upset at the supposed death of the comic relief . The children were a bit older than usual for their crowds , and it was because of this that White had pushed for the first performance of this more serious piece she had been working on . Strings had initially been doubtful , as had the audience , but here in the climax , the children were hanging on every word . After the coin was collected and the children dispersed , Strings started working to pack everything up . Prince Grey , however , still felt nervous , without an audience or show pending . He pantomimed cleaning himself , tail clicking back and forth . The little cat puppet had never expected to be an actor , and for months since joining Strings , had only really played small , background roles . He had been told that only he could play Bo , the Knight , and so he had done his best , of course . But even the cheers from the children hadn 't convinced him he 'd done it right . " You remembered all your lines , what more could anyone be wantin ' from you ? " Black said . " Well , I suppose your kiss left somethin ' to be desired . " White rubbed her head , turning to Grey . " Anyway , you were overacting , especially in the ballroom scene . For most of the performance I did not believe you were Ser Bo , just Grey reading lines . " " You need to inhabit the role . Be your character completely . You need to believe you 're him , and then the audience will believe , " White said with a rare sort of positive energy . There were few things that truly got White happy without reservation . Among that short list was bubble baths , quality teas , and the theatre . " I suppose I can understand that in concept , " Prince Grey said . " I do see how easily you slip into someone else when you get up there . There is a strong difference . But I have no real idea how you do it . " " The mutt is hopeless , but Prince Grey , I know you can do this . It took me so many years to get even the most basic performance out of him , but you … you I can work with , " White said . " You are refined and passionate . The finale , when you were crying over Marco , that felt real . You can clearly do it . We just need to get that into the entire show . " Grey looked down at his paws . He had simply been reminded of his friend , Cherlie , and his grief , and attempted to mimic it . It felt no less fake than anything else he had done . " I … well , alright . I am sure you will be able to help me improve , Miss White . I want to do my part to pay my way here . " Strings looked down at the little puppet - her newest , one she still found she ached for , a little , on quiet nights , when thinking of his lot in life . As per usual , there were no good words to express her feelings . So she just nodded , and put the last few things away . " It sounds like a workable plan , " White said , nodding . " And I have missed Ryfe . I once performed at the Grand Theatre , you know . It was … " Prince Cherlie , though he rarely went by that title anymore , was worried . He was packing for a trip , the first he had taken since the death of his friend . He hesitated over every garment , attempting to decide if it was appropriate . He had worn black for quite longer than most would require of him , and the colors he was packing felt odd , given his current position . " If I may , ser , you 've been working at this task for about an hour , " Arla said . " Perhaps you need a break . I can handle it . " " Yes . " Arla nodded , turning to Cherlie 's wardrobe . " Now , you know I have impeccable taste , so you need not worry . Go take a break , and I will finish . If you 'd like , you can make adjustments after a break . Perhaps a snack . " Arla smiled . It was just a job , of course . Arla wasn 't much of the " follower " type if you were to ask him . But he must admit he had become fond of Cherlie over the past few months . He was a bit mopey , but his heart was in the right place . Seeing him so out of sorts by this assignment was something Arla wasn 't much enjoying . " Perhaps some toast and jam ? We still have plenty of that wonderful marmalade you enjoy with breakfast from time to time . " Cherlie headed out of his room , down to the kitchen , and apologetically asked for some toast from the kitchen staff . He took his plate out into the hallway , and up the stairs , and before he knew it , he was once again in front of his friend 's now abandoned room . This was the danger of living here , was it not ? Cherlie debated going in , as he often did , but instead just sat down on the ground in front of the door , and ate . The tart sweetness was wonderful on his tongue , but he did not know if it did much to help with his addled thoughts . Queen Errvente had just finished with her last appointment of the day , and was looking forward to a few moments rest before dinner . She had started reading an engaging romance written by a local author , and was looking forward to getting back to it . She was trying to give herself more time for these things . Only sad outcomes had resulted from a constant push . " Yes … I just … " Cherlie looked down at his now - empty plate . " I just do wonder if this is what he would have wanted . If I am doing the right thing . " " No … no … I stayed to help ensure there would not be a war , and that is still what I want to do , " Cherlie said . " It just … feels like moving on . From him . " Queen Errvente felt for Cherlie . She had not had much time to grieve . She had a kingdom to run , and had to move on . But if she had the luxury , she would be right there with him , in those same feelings , she knew . She put her hand on his shoulder . " I understand . But I do not think it will ever be easy to do . And I think you know you must . " " Most importantly , you are going on important business . This isn 't for play . But if you just so happen to enjoy yourself a little , hopefully you can forgive yourself for it , " Queen Errvente said , stepping back . The City - State of Ryfe was starting to shut down as the winter began to come to a close . Its fair weather and fairly neutral status made it the destination for nobles and wealthy from all over for the winter , where they would book the many manors , houses , and spaces to pass the time until things were more habitable back home . During the season , as it were , countless theatre troupes would fill the many halls and show the newest and greatest performances in the Nine Kingdoms . It had been described as a city of endless celebration . Of course , Strings knew it differently . It was a place where many had to struggle for most of the year , just to make it to the season , and a place where many were needed to run the empty husk of the party when the weather warmed . She 'd made a good amount of money there , in her old life . The kind of people who watched the shows she and her friends put on weren 't normally the sort to be found in Ryfe during the season . But it certainly wouldn 't hurt to take some of their coin , if she could catch them in transition , like she hoped . Walking into the city , Strings could tell the feel had already started to shift . Shops were canvassing less for customers , and working on upkeep . There were many people , but a person on the street would get the sense it was much less than usual . Some passersby in carriages stared at Strings and her oversized trunk as she moved . They wondered what such a big woman in such a ragged dress was doing in their vacation town . Strings paid them no mind , moving to a place she remembered where she might set up her puppet stage . " It is quite impressive , " Prince Grey said , getting out as well and looking at the tall buildings . " A different sort of city than Eleen . More … money in all things . At least from what I can see . " " Ah , no , I 'm afraid not . Many acquaintances did , but I was normally training . More interested in the fencing tournament that commenced at the end of the season . " Grey clicked his tail , a bit nervously . " Skipping out also greatly lowered my required engagements in incorrect attire . " White nodded , sitting down on the lawn and pantomiming a drink from her little teacup . " I agree . Though one of us should stay here to look after the trunk . Prince Grey , you seem the likely choice , if there are no objections . " Soon Strings , White , and Black , were back on the street , drawing attention . Strings just stood there , making sure White and Black did not fall , while White played the sweet , innocent straight woman to Black 's loud , silly antics . Heads would turn , and occasionally White would point out they were going to put on a show before dusk . Everything was going fine . Prince Grey , meanwhile , sat on the top of the stage , waiting . It was boring work , of course , but being a puppet , he had , for better or worse , gotten used to boring downtime . At least he was not in the trunk . He looked over the tall buildings above the walls around the lawn and tried to go over what he was to do in the evening 's performance . He was just about to give in and practice his fencing stances when someone walked through the arch . He was an older man who was wearing , at Grey 's count , at least three necklaces with various large pendants , all gold . A woman , dressed in very reasonable but fashionable attire , followed him in . He seemed surprised by the stage . Prince Grey was never sure what to do in these situations . When Strings was around , he could talk fairly freely , as Strings would bluff that she was controlling him should questions arise . Alone , he was unsure what course of action to take . Clearly , he should protect their belongings . But he was unsure at what point moving and talking would become necessary . So he simply sat there , still , and watched . The man with the many necklaces walked up to the stage itself , looking straight at Grey . It was a bit unsettling . " What a cute little fellow , " he said . " I do wonder what all this is doing on my lawn , though , " he said . He started walking around to the back of the stage , where Grey couldn 't keep an eye on him . Grey looked to the woman , instead . She had her hair tied up neatly , but seemed uninterested . " Must be some sort of travelling vagrant , " the man finally said , walking back around . " In any case , this is much too heavy to move . I have no real idea how it got here in the first place , " the man said . " Send some men to clean this up as soon as possible . " Perhaps it would seem less unbelievable if he just believed someone was throwing their voice , Grey thought , and stayed still . He tried to think about how White and Black were likely over - exaggerating themselves to seem harmless and entertaining on the street at that moment . Perhaps he could do something similar . " My name is Prince Grey . A more noble feline you could not find , my good ser . To whom am I speaking ? " The man laughed , and looked at Prince Grey 's unmoving body . " Quite a talent , wherever you are . But perhaps you should come out now . " " We have not been this way in a bit , I will admit . Allow me to apologize for our intrusion . With no gate , we simply thought the area prettied up a bit , you understand . " Prince Grey was unsure what to do . He could not produce a puppeteer . But if he went silent , what would he do to Strings ' things ? " Alright , please give her a moment , though . She is a bit occupied at present , " he said , trying to think of a better plan . It was lucky , then , that Strings chose that moment to return . She walked through the archway , White and Black on her shoulders . Her eyes widened for a moment at the sight of Duke Trowell , but her expression soon turned back to normal . Prince Grey quietly offered a prayer of thanks for her timely return . " From a long time ago , " Duke Trowell said . " Where are my manners ? This is my assistant , Tress . Do you still go by that ridiculous nom de plume ? " " Of course , " Duke Trowell said , chuckling . " Strings . Well , she was in my employ as security a long time ago , " he said to Tress , nodding . Duke Trowell chuckled . " Ah , of course , excuse me . " He smiled the smile of someone in charge . " I heard that you performed for the Queen of Errvente . " " I take it from the little stage you were planning a performance , here . Perhaps we can arrange something . " Duke Trowell said , walking back over to the stage and Prince Grey . " I 'm feeling generous . I shall let your performance go on , if you agree to be my guest at dinner tonight . I 'm sure you can agree we have lots to catch up on . " Strings looked to White . White looked back . She was frustrated , being currently unable to do anything . She knew what the sensible move would be here . Given their situation , a likely overwhelmingly expensive meal and perhaps a place to stay for the night was worth the trade of a little information , especially since she could trust Strings not to reveal anything too vital . But she wanted to say no . She really wanted to say no . But in the end , she couldn 't . Strings was more important . Strings deserved a night of rest , and they could use the coin from the performance they had already been telling people would be here . White gave a slight nod . " Alright , then we shall dine at dusk , then . Tress will provide you with directions … but then again , perhaps you do not need them . " And with that , he walked through the arch . Tress , with an expression that made it clear she did not care for Strings one bit , pulled a card with directions printed on it out of a pocket , and handed it to Strings . " We shall see you tonight . Do not be late . Try to wear something respectable . " And with that , she left . Duke Trowell 's house was an impressive sight , going up for several stories with intricate carvings in the stonework depicting various figures on the stage . From a distance , it looked like most other buildings in the area , but as you got closer , the details came out , and the vast amount of money involved was suddenly clear . The inside was similar , with everything being very simple , the kind of simple that , upon examination , you realize is a very expensive , high quality simple that does not need to show off . Tress equally did not care much for Strings . The idea that someone this scruffy was considered a person of importance from her employer seemed an incredible mistake , and she could not imagine the trouble this was about to cause . Still , she had a job to do . The two women stared each other down at the door . Finally , Tress spoke . " Please , come in . Dinner will be served momentarily . Shall I take your … trunk ? " " Well … I suppose that is to be expected for one like yourself . Allow me to see if we have something in your … unique size … " Tress said , turning and exiting the room . Tress led her up a flight of stairs and opened a door . On the bed in the small guest room was an outfit that reminded her of the uniform she wore during her time of employment with Duke Trowell . " Drab , isn 't it ? " Tress said , misinterpreting Strings ' reaction . " But I 'm afraid it is the only thing we have in your size , and it is much better than that beat up , patched dress you 're wearing . " Strings hesitated for a bit longer before starting to take off her dress . She looked at herself in the mirror as she buttoned up the top . The outfit made her look obedient , she decided . Maybe it was better this way , to be someone else when dealing with liars . " How much nicer you look when you put on some real clothes , " Duke Trowell said as Strings walked into the dining room . The table , a small and intimate one , not the lavish banquet setting most would assume of a man with his money , was set , with a bottle of wine poured into two glasses . " Please , sit down , the food will be here shortly . " " Try the wine ? It 's not the best vintage , but it 's light and sweet . I think you 'll enjoy it , " Duke Trowell said . Strings had not had wine in a long , long time . She picked up the glass and took a sip . The taste on her tongue reminded her of when she had a drinking partner . She didn 't much care for the reminder . Duke Trowell just smiled . " So , you must tell me about how you came to perform for the royals in Errvente . It must be quite a story . " " Well , yes , from the little I 've seen , I would agree , " he said , nodding . He seemed to be expecting more of an explanation . Strings just finished her salad . " Still , it 's not every day a royal without small children requests a puppet show , much less at a funeral . " " There 's the meat , " Black whispered . He couldn 't wait to chew on the bone Strings was going to bring him . Not that he could really chew , with a painted mouth , but it was still exciting , nonetheless . Duke Trowell took a sip of wine . " Word is he 's been in mourning all this time . Poor boy . " He looked up at Strings with a concerned expression . " How much time did you two spend together ? " " I see . " He took another bite , smiling softly . " I suppose you have heard about the war brewing between Arameth and Errvente , especially with Errvente holding Cherlie hostage , so to speak . " " Do you know of a mine , on the border ? I heard Cherlie was there , not long before Petal 's unfortunate death . Just the rambling of drunken soldiers , of course , but many interesting things a lot of them seem to agree on … it 's amazing what you can hear , when you listen . " " No , " White said . " But stay here in case Strings needs backup . " " How am I supposed to be helpin ' if I 'm not setting things on fire ? " Black teased . " I trust your best judgment to keep Strings safe , " White said . Black seemed surprised and sobered by the serious response . " Prince Grey , if you would please accompany me . " " There 's nothing we can do about him directly besides killing him , and that would draw too much attention to Strings . What we need is to remove the arrows from his quiver , so to speak . So we must find them , " White said . " I 'm sure he 's moved things around since my time in his employ , but I at least know where to start looking . " White hurried to another set of stairs , and started climbing them . They finally reached the top of the stairs , and looked down another hallway full of rooms . White wasted no time walking down , looking for something . Grey followed , unsure exactly what he should be doing . " He hid it … oh , of course , " White said , walking to the wall . There was a small hole in the bottom . " Of course , he puts the keyhole low so it 's not seen . " They moved from room to room , listening for people inside . There was silence behind most . The kitchen and servants were downstairs , White assumed , so Tress should be the only other person here . What White was suggesting began to dawn on Grey . " Miss White , I mean no offense , but perhaps I should take your role and hold the blade in this scenario . There 's no need to put yourself at risk , and we both know I am quite skilled . " White took a moment to collect herself . It had been a while . But these things never really leave someone , even after so many years . " Go , " she said . Grey looked to White . White motioned for him to play dead as she heard someone get up behind the door . Grey was a bit frustrated , but collapsed into a little puppet pile . Tress opened the door , and looked to the broken vase . " Unbelievable , " she said , before seeing Prince Grey laying there , lifeless . " What in the world … " she said , staring at the puppet . White would have preferred her to walk over to the table , but she was keeping her back against the door as she looked around . White had guessed she was trained , so she was not surprised , but things would be harder . In the dining room , in the middle of a respite from questioning designed to lower Strings ' guard before more questioning during the dessert , Strings felt a tug of exhaustion welling . What were her friends up to ? She did not know . She gripped her fork a little tighter as Duke Trowell talked about nothing in particular . White grabbed at Tress ' neck as she moved around the corner , but misjudged the height a bit . It was hard to get a feel for these things when you were a little puppet . Tress , momentarily stunned by the wooden arm around her face , ducked and spun to face the large , humanoid puppet , smiling painted face staring at her below two wooden ears . " Unfortunately , " White said , and then made a sudden dash to the side . Tress moved like she was expecting it , but was unfortunately held back a bit by the desk in her way . White thrust the rapier , grazing Tress ' arm . The puppet immediately dropped the rapier and put both paws on Tress ' wrist , pulling her arm behind her at an awkward angle and holding it there . " But I do what I can , " White finished . " Perhaps , " Tress said , and then kicked backward into White 's shin . It made a little wooden thunk , and knocked White 's balance out , allowing Tress to spin out of White 's hold and get the knife up to White 's wooden neck . " Perhaps not . " " If you 'd prefer to think as such , that 'd be very convenient , " White said , attempting to ever so slowly move her paws back against her opponent . Black would be better at this , she knew , but seeing as he had discarded the entire notion of opposable thumbs in these sorts of situations and was also down a flight of stairs , she 'd have to make due . She just hoped Prince Grey would realize she was in control of the situation . Prince Grey , looking in around the door frame , saw White very much in trouble and not in control of the situation . He could see his rapier , large , sitting on the ground . If he could reach it , he could help . He began to crawl , slowly . White 's paw felt what seemed to be keys against the fabric of Tress ' dress . " Suppose there 's little reason to deny it , " she said , slowly moving her paw to extract them . " He 's doing important work we 'd really rather you not disrupt . " " Sorry to disappoint , " White said , using the confusion to pull the keys out the rest of the way and wriggle out of her grasp enough to elbow Tress in the gut . She moved quickly as Tress wheezed , grabbing the rapier and moving out the door , closing it . Opening doors along the way , she rushed into another room , tossed the keys under the bed , and then returned to her normal size , hiding beneath it . She should , hopefully , just disappear , as far as Tress was concerned . She should then , of course , busy herself with securing the perimeter , giving White enough time to join back up with Grey and , hopefully , get into the hidden room . Strings might have to leave them there for a short while , but she was not worried . " Now what … " Grey said to himself , looking around the office . For a work space , it seemed fairly barren . There were slots on the wall for paperwork , but very few of them were filled . Nothing seemed filed here . He moved , quickly , over under the desk itself , where there was better cover . He then debated seeing what she had been working on . Surely that was part of the plan ? He had no real idea when Tress might return . But it seemed particularly foolish to simply wait for rescue or an opportunity without having anything for his efforts , and so he decided to hoist himself up onto the chair and take a look . On the desk was a collection of invitation cards . Grey had turned down enough of them in his day to recognize them easily . Tress had apparently been in the middle of writing , in fine handwriting , an apologetic rejection of one of these invitations . It seemed extremely common for someone like Duke Trowell . Surely this wasn 't the sort of " arrow " White was concerned about removing ? Prince Grey shifted through the cards , trying to recognize something of worth . None of the names were familiar to him . He hopped onto the desk and then over to the shelves , looking through the papers there . There was a stack of cards like the one Tress had been working on in envelopes , presumably ready to be sent out . " I do apologize , my friend , but this may be important , " Grey muttered to Cherlie , wherever he was , as he carefully opened the envelope , trying not to break the seal too obviously . The card was accepting an invitation to attend the final performance of the season at the Grand Theatre in about two days ' time . Prince Grey was about to recheck the address on the envelope when he heard the door opening . He dropped the letter and jumped to the ground , landing with an unfortunate clatter before hurrying back under the desk . Tress reentered . She was annoyed that her assailant had gotten away , but even more annoyed that her keys seemed to be missing so she could not check the entire building . She had a good feeling what happened to them , but it was important to be thorough in these matters . A proper lady did not do things in halves , but in wholes . There was a chance she dropped them in the scuffle , so it was important to ensure that did not happen before drawing conclusions . Grey could hear her moving closer to the desk and debated his options . He did not have his rapier , so most of his combat abilities were greatly reduced . However , Tress did leave the door open . He could make a run for it . Grey took off at a run , as fast as his little wooden legs would take him . He heard a thunk of something striking the door frame behind him as he rounded it . He hurried for the stairs , but before he got there , he was grabbed , and picked up . It was a very uncomfortable feeling , being picked up by someone else . White , from down the hall , overhearing talking , was fuming as she peeked out to view the scene . She could either leave Prince Grey and still complete her objective , or she could attempt a rescue and extract themselves from the situation , and lose that opportunity . She knew what the old her would do . But things were different now , for better or worse . White went back for the rapier . The keys would have to be left behind under the bed . They were too big to carry while making a quick escape . And then she was out into the hallway . " Who are you working for ? " Tress asked Grey . Grey thought that a somewhat odd first question , given that he was a living puppet , but so it went . " Simply for myself , Miss Tress . A nobleman working towards noble pursuits . " Tress turned to return to her office , Grey in hand . As she did , a shout rang out . " Lthxnmgn ! " White cried , and blew bubbles up into Tress ' face . Grey got caught in the blast , which was a bit disorienting . Seeing as his eyes were painted on , however , it wasn 't near as much of a problem as for Tress , who stifled a cry of pain as she took one hand off of Grey to try to wipe her stinging eyes . Meanwhile , Black was bored , and wished Strings could just walk over and give him the bone he saw set aside for him . But instead she was stalling , for some reason , as she slowly , achingly slowly , ate her dessert . It crossed Black 's mind that Strings might know something was going on that he didn 't . But he couldn 't just leave Strings alone to figure it out , could he ? So he waited . " Just get in the trunk ! " White said , frustrated . She didn 't want to leave Strings without aid either , but she didn 't know any other options at the moment . They 'd already revealed more about their nature to the worst possible person to reveal it to . Duke Trowell sighed . " You will have to excuse me . I will return as soon as possible , " he said , standing . He walked over to Tress , giving her an annoyed look . Tress knew she was going to have a lot of trouble explaining all this . She closed the door as they left . She braced herself against the door . It had not looked that thick . It was made for beauty , not security , surely . She pressed with all her weight , putting her collective strength into the door itself . Sweat beaded on her forehead . Finally , there was a crack as the wood of the door frame gave against the pressure , just enough for Strings to wiggle the door open . The hiss escaped this time . Prince Grey turned , frustrated . " Please excuse me for a moment , I believe I need some air . " He walked off to the edge of the firelight . Black stuck his paws into the pockets of his shorts . " When we first got stuck like this , I wasn 't trustin ' you at all . Constantly went off on my own . Took me forever to recognize how good you were . " " Yeah . And me bein ' stubborn , not trustin ' you , that 's worth a few cuttin ' words . But all he did was worry about you and want to help . " " I have decided I am not sorry , " he said , still looking into the distance . " I have made poor decisions before , and this one has caused me to feel no remorse . I took action as I needed to . But perhaps this just proves I am a foolish kitten . " " Nothing , truthfully . But I was compelled by my employment at the time to do nothing as he did awful things to undeserving people , and got away with them again and again . It didn 't bother me at the time . It was a job . I had a role to play . But seeing him again … " White searched for the right words . She did not find them . " I am getting weak , I suppose . " " You 're acting like you 've never been to the theatre before , " said Arla , watching Cherlie nervously inspect himself in the mirror . " You understand everyone will not be looking at you , yes ? And you are looking quite handsome regardless . " " You may not convince him , no . But if you look like you have power , act like it … " Arla shrugged . " Making him doubt , even a little , that may be what you need to get the upper hand . It 's a kind of intimidation that doesn 't use threats , yes ? " " You may be right … " Cherlie said . He thought about this for a moment . How could he project power ? His eyes moved to his attendant , someone he considered a friend , at least a little . It was obvious , looking at Arla , that his previous job was not like this . The scars were proof enough of that . But he still managed to carry himself like someone who 'd been in castles and mansions his whole life . He projected power . " Perhaps you should come with me , " Cherlie said before really thinking about what that would mean . " Yes , right … " Cherlie said , gathering himself . " Your presence is required . Let 's find you an outfit to borrow and get you ready . " Arla nodded . " More like it . " He turned to head to the door . " You know , ser , I took this job to get away from all that shady dealing . Be more respectable or something . " Cherlie smiled , knowing he no longer had to go alone . There was a confidence instilled from that , at least . " My friend , what could be more respectable than the theatre ? " The Grand Theatre was a sight to behold . Huge columns covered in metal that gleamed in the setting sun surrounded the entrance lit by hanging lamps . Carriage after carriage was dropping off more and more people dressed in their finest , prepared to see the last show of the season , a performance of the classic " The Cursed Daughter of the Sun . " Attendants , dressed better than most , were at the door , checking invitations and ushering people into the massive lobby that , with its impressive chandelier and expensive tile floor , had many times been used as a ballroom all on its own . Cherlie found the sight a bit intimidating , to say the least , as his carriage approached the entrance . He looked over to Arla , sitting across from him . He 'd trimmed his beard down and fixed his hair back in quite the stylish look . He wore the borrowed finery like someone who always dressed this way . Cherlie was , in many ways , a bit jealous of the ease of his companion . " Please don 't call me that , " Cherlie said . " But , yes , I suppose it isn 't that complicated . You follow right behind and I need to take charge . " The carriage stopped where everyone was unloading . Cherlie took a breath , and got out . The crowd felt a bit suffocating , but he remembered what he was here to do , the importance of it , and did his best to act like he belonged as he showed his invitation and headed towards their seats . The show began . The actor playing Farah lit up the stage with a presence Cherlie had rarely seen in the role . Perhaps this was why so many flocked to Ryfe , and the Grand Theatre specifically , for such performances . Not long after they started , though , Arla tapped Cherlie on the shoulder . Cherlie looked back , and Arla tipped his head to one side . Following the direction , Cherlie saw a figure . The person was wearing a huge , heavy cloak that covered basically all body features , much like the cloak Glimm wears in the third act of the show . White climbed out from under the cloak , brushing dust off of her little dress . " I am glad that you 've at least got yourself protection , Prince Cherlie . It seems a bit foolish to be here , honestly . " The figure stood , and pulled back the hood of the cloak to reveal a wooden cat head . " It 's been a while , my friend . Sorry to give you a scare , but we couldn 't think of another way to make contact with you , " Grey said . " This is all very sweet , but we do not have much time until your meeting and we have a lot to go over , " White said from the ground . Grey picked her up and she looked to Cherlie . " I can 't imagine why you are agreeing to talk to Duke Trowell in the first place , but it isn 't going to go well . " " I will attempt to explain later , my friend , but White is correct , we don 't have a lot of time , " Cherlie said , and turned back to White . " I am attempting to gather information . Queen Errvente is hoping that knowing who is on our side and who is leaning where will help us win enough support to ensure fighting never occurs through a sort of social intimidation . So of course , we go to the man with the information . " " I was going about this all wrong the other day , " White said . " Had my place in this all wrong . To properly embarrass him , we need to beat him , and to do that , you need to blackmail him back . So , let 's go over some of the people he has had a hand in having assassinated , that you can bring up . I figured one target you could reasonably know and one he 'd have no idea how you knew would be best . The first gives your threat legitimacy , like you are doing this yourself and aren 't a pawn , and the second makes the threat actually threatening . So , let 's … " Cherlie had done his best to be confident about a simple negotiation for exchange of information , and that was a big enough stretch . To go on the offensive ? Well , he had heard about the Duke before , certainly . It seemed impossible . " I 'm … not sure I 'm capable of that . " " Then I 'd go along with this , " Arla said . " This isn 't much different than what we talked about , about projecting power . If you trust what this … bunny is saying , you then simply have something to lend that power weight , if it comes to that . " White quickly started to run him through a lot of background information about two people that Cherlie did not even recognize . One seemed to be a church official , and the other a businessman who used to live in Arameth . White kept asking Cherlie to repeat what she was saying back to her . It was a bit stressful . " That will have to do , then , " White said . " We 'll be going back to hiding , and you will probably not see us again if all goes well , but we will be around if you need us . Scream or something . " " Not safe at the moment , " White said . " You will have trouble if the Duke associates us with you currently . We … have already had an encounter with him . " Cherlie closed his eyes , and imagined who that person would be , who could do these things he had to do . What would that person do ? What would he be brave enough for ? Strings was back in the uniform she had taken off with at Duke Trowell 's house . Most of the workers , cleaning up now that the season was done , were wearing similar outfits . Much like as when they were setting up for the final performance , nobody noticed as Strings entered the Grand Theatre . Moving with purpose , like she was on a proper mission with proper reason to be there , she headed backstage to the room where they kept costumes and props . Most of that storage had taken place the night before , and nobody was about to stop her . " I 'm glad you 're alright as well , " White said , embarrassed by the affection . " I 'm sorry you had to sleep on the street … " Strings set them back down on the ground . " Thank you for going along with my plan . " Strings shook her head , indicating it was no problem . She began emptying a container of garbage . White shuddered as she realized where she was going . She hoped Strings would not mind her constant demands to clean her dress after this . White , trying to take her mind off of her unfortunate unsanitary situation , focused on Prince Grey . He still seemed lost in thought , as he had been since they had hid once again in the prop room . " I am sure he did fine , " White said . " I gave him more than enough information to prove he should not be messed with . " " Ah , yes ? Yes , I 'm sure you did . Thank you , Miss White , " Grey said , snapping back a bit from his emotional haze . " As we had discussed , it wasn 't entirely altruistic on my part . I hope the Duke is feeling worried and paranoid . It would be a nice change of pace . " Thank you very much for reading my story ! If you liked it , please share it with your friends and stuff . That would mean a lot to me . There 's plenty more stories and things coming , so I hope to entertain you again soon !
|
I recently went and saw the movie " Logan " which is the last film in the Marvel film series about the X - Men ( or so it would seem ) . I must say that as a person who has found just about every Marvel movie annoying since the original X - Men series , I was very pleased with this movie . While all of the X - Men films , and Marvel films in general , have been the same special effects driven , generic movies , " Logan " had a a gritty , real world feel to it that made it far more engaging than the usual superhero movie . That is because Logan ( played by Hugh Jackman ) is one of the few characters from the original films that is still a mutant and still has powers . However it becomes clear very early in the movie that his powers are waning , and he 's not the paragon of strength that " Wolverine " used to be . He 's looking old , his scars are showing , his eyesight is failing , he limps like a man whose worked too hard and is in his sixties , and his wondrous healing powers that had seen him through so much are disappearing . He also seems to be extremely depressed . After years of being something , he 's been reduced to a limo driver whose purpose is to drive around drunken idiots . He 's also taking care of his old friend , Professor Charles Xavier ( played by Patrick Stewart ) whose very old and suffering from Alzheimer . Logan has no choice but to watch as one of the most powerful minds in the world deteriorates into nothing . Professor X , on the other hand , is very aware that people are " just waiting for him to die . " Many older people experience this , which brings to Xavier a feeling of mortality as he realizes the restrictions of his brilliance brought on by old age . The audience gets the feeling that Logan is about ready to give up . He 's carrying around an Adamantium bullet , the only thing that he knows that can definitely kill him . He 's realized that most of the purpose in his life has gone away , and he is ready to die . When he meets the little girl Laura , who has powers just like him , his will to live is renewed as he cannot help but love the child who becomes more than a little special to him . Logan is a very interesting character to study , especially as he progresses through the series . When we first meet Logan , he is , indeed , a cage fighter in Canada , running away from a past he can 't remember and trying to avoid all human contact . This is probably because he 's trying to avoid getting hurt . He is very aware that if you care about anything , losing it means the potential for emotional pain . While he presents himself as a character with a massive chip on his shoulder who cares for no one , that doesn 't seem to be the case at all . In fact , he may be a loner , but he also has a big heart that is easily shattered by loss and pain . Throughout the series there are several deaths and un - requited love stories that he goes through . What Logan 's attitude boils down to in the end is fear of loss , fear of pain , and possibly just a desire to not have to deal with that anymore . By the time we reach the Logan story , he has to be almost three hundred years old . In that span of time , one can be witness to more human tragedy than anyone should ever suffer . Some part of him probably longs for mortality , the release of death means the release from pain , which is probably why he carries that bullet around with him . As Logan goes through the story , he realizes that he doesn 't have to kill himself . With his failing powers , he 's staring down mortality . And he realizes the limits of his strength just as any normal human would . The audience can tell that this brings him both relief and fear . But there 's one last thing he has to do . That he has to finish . And finish it he will , even if it ends him . The movie " Logan " is all about endings . In some ways it is also about beginnings . There is the classic theme of passing the torch from one generation to the next . This is a theme that is as old as story telling as the old hero passes his sword to his child so that the child may carry on when he can no longer . It is also a story about how even heroes all fallible . Logan , who was once invincible , is no longer what he used to be . The mask of the hero is lifted to reveal a mere mortal . It is also about facing down fear , whether it be the fear of taking the risk and loving someone , or the fear of mortal limitations . All in all , it is perhaps the best film in the series . Just like Deadpool , this movie is not really appropriate for children as it has it 's share of swearing and stabbing people through the head . However the violence in this movie is not a bad thing . It actually contributes to the story and the character as Logan , the Clint Eastwood cowboy type , carves his way to a difficult victory . In some ways it is like watching an old Western movie like The Good , The Bad and The Ugly , or a Chinese Kung - Fu film like The Blood of the Dragon where the hero doesn 't even fall down to die . Which in some ways kind of makes it a guy movie , but just about any X - Men fan , or action movie fan and sit and enjoy it . In fact it 's kind of nice that heralds back to that old action movie feel . The tone is both modern and nostalgic for those who have always loved action movies . Tales of the Driss , Krystal Dragons Now Available After some adventures and trial and error in self - publishing , Tales of the Driss , Krystal Dragons is now available . I am hoping that readers of fantasy will now be able to enjoy it . It was one of the most interesting endeavors in my writing career as writing prose is not necessarily my forte . It is far easier for me to wrap my head around screenwriting , and even that is difficult at times . I felt the story of Kellen and Ferian had to be told . And since this book is the first book in a series of at least three the Driss and their fellow fantasy characters will be pulling at me for some time to come . Thank you for your readership of bot this blog , and hopefully , the book . The characters have been dancing through my head since I saw the portrayal of the characters Fili and Kili by Dean O ' Gorman and Aidan Turner in The Hobbit movies . Now , Kellen and Ferian , the Driss brothers , have a world of their own . They hope that you will join them there . Thank you . Jerrick wondered where his brother was . He had sent his younger brother Kerrick out into the world to gather their people , the Driss who had been scattered by the Trow who had always hunted them . Jerrick had to remain in the North , in the country of Lunaris where he was King to their people after his Father 's death . But the High Laudriss , the ruling body of his people , had decided they wanted to gather their wandering brethren and fortify here in the North . This meant that they needed an envoy , a representative , and they had chosen Kerrick . Jerrick felt he had no choice but to agree with them . He had to remain here and maintain the security of their new Kingdom that was under constant threat by the Trow and Tresser , dark elves and their cousins who hunted Driss . He also had to guard against the other people of the world who did not trust the Driss due to their rarity and general misunderstandings . Driss were small and fair . Taller than gnomes , dwarves and Halflings , but shorter than men , elves , Trow and Tresser . Kerrick was his little brother , and they had been through everything together . From the wanderings of their youth to their finally having found a homeland in Lunaris . The brothers had been born on the road and had witnessed many things and been through many hardships before they had come to this place . They had been hunted , chased , denied shelter by the other peoples of the world . Suffered from cold , hunger , near starvation . They had survived it all and come to Lunaris where they built their Father a palace from stone and wood . A simple fortress , but it was home to them . Now , Jerrick was lonely as he sat at his desk , late one night , looking over books and papers , trying to find any words in the journals of his Father that would lead him to the Krystal Dragons . They were Krystaline statues of dragons , one rube , one jade , one opal and one sapphire . When brought together at the Krystal Fortress in the South , they created a shield that could protect the Driss from any enemy . That 's what Jerrick wanted . To return his people to their proper place in their own land . This place was home , but it was not the home of the Driss . He sighed as he shuffled through one of his Father 's journals . The pages were old and falling apart . Any clue . Any clue at all would be helpful . The candle light was dim , and he was having a hard time concentrating on the pages he was looking at . His mind wandered back to Kerrick . He remembered that night in the kitchen when he had requested Kerrick go . It was quite clear to him . A night of victorious drinking after the defeat of their rivals the Trow who were trying to drive them out once again . The Trow were dark elves who lived under the earth and hated all other people , but they especially hated the Driss . They were alone in the kitchen that night . Sharing a brotherly moment , one of the last they would have for a very long time . Jerrick thought about it . Then he realized that he hadn 't really thought about it . He just assumed that Kerrick would accept the assignment . " No , I didn 't think of that . Are you saying you do not wish to go ? " Kerrick gave a nervous laugh and said , " I don 't know . It 's a heavy decision to make . And you 're just kind of springing it on me . Have you told anyone else ? " " I think you 're the only man for the job . You 're a Driss prince , one of the last of the royal line ! They will trust you , Kerrick . " It was a bit unfair , Jerrick knew . He had given Kerrick basically no other choice . His brother nodded . " If this is what you want , then I will go . " " You have my thanks , brother . " Jerrick said . " You have my thanks . " Kerrick left soon after . They said goodbye to each other down by the gates to the city . There was a reluctant look on Kerrick 's face . " You will be fine , brother , " Jerrick said . " I will see you again in a few months . Be careful when you are crossing through the lands of men . They cannot be trusted . " Jerrick looked up through the trees . He could see the blue sky and could feel the warmth of the sun filtering down through the branches . " It 's a beautiful day to start out , " he said . He hugged his brother hard . " Take care of yourself , Kerrick . Come back to me . What would I do without you ? " That had been some months ago , and Jerrick was beginning to worry . He shuffled through the journal pages . There was nothing . Why did his Father leave him no clues ? Did the old King not want him to reinstate their people in the old fortress ? It made no sense . His Father had been a complex Driss . Merrick never spoke about anything that happened before the Fortress had fallen . As far as the King was concerned , his life had started anew upon arriving in the North . He and his wife had lived happily in this palace built for them by their sons . When Merrick 's wife died , he soon followed after her . It was a common malady of Driss to follow a mate closely in death , whether it be a husband following a wife or a wife following a husband . Jerrick had been fifty when his Father had died . At fifty he had just come of age . However , he was ready to take on the reins of the kingdom . He just wished that he had someone to share that burden with . And now that Kerrick was gone … The heavy wooden door opened and Wolfnoth , a younger Driss from the High Laudriss stepped into the study . He was a meek Driss , but a good friend . He always sided with Jerrick in the councils . He carried a candle with him and he looked like he was on his way to bed , he put his hand over his mouth as he yawned . He came and stood across the desk from Jerrick . " It 's very late , your Majesty . " Jerrick smiled . " You are right , Wolfnoth . I shouldn 't worry so much . And it is well passed time to go to bed . I will find no Krystal Dragons tonight . " Kerrick had been out on the road for many months . He had passed through the lands of gnomes and men and had come at last , to the edge of the Broken Forest . He had heard rumors in the man Kingdom that he had recently left that Driss would sometimes pass this way . So he had decided to come to this place to see if it was true . What he found there amazed him . A Driss caravan full of men , women and children who seemed to have been camped there for a while . Their wagons were old , but they were still serviceable and seemed to offer the Driss enough shelter . They seemed well and happy . Still , It was Kerrick 's job to find out who they were and to try and get them to come back with him . He went up to a Driss man who seemed to be in charge of the group . He was slightly taller than the others and had long dark hair and a roguish grin . Yes , he was the leader all right . Kerrick went to his wagon , where the Driss was lounging upon the high seat . " Excuse , me , sir , " He said to the Driss . " Are you the leader here ? " The Driss looked down at him with a smile . " Yeah , I suppose you could say that , " He said . " Name 's Anders . What can I do for you ? " The Driss looked at him in astonishment . " You 're the son of the King ? " " Actually , the brother of the King . Our Father passed away some years ago . " " I 'm sorry to hear that , you Highness . However , I don 't know if my people here would really like to be gathered . We kind of like our wanderer 's ways . " " But why would you wish to keep wandering ? We have a palace and a Kingdom in the North . What would keep you out here when you could come with me and be with others like yourself ? " The Driss pointed off into the forest . " On the other side of those tattered brambles is a place . The place that Driss are meant to belong . The Krystal Fortress . The home of our people , before we were driven from that place by the Trow . " Anders shrugged . " What plans ? We will go tomorrow . For now , you may sleep in our wagon , for you look as though you would take any roof over your head at this point . " Anders pointed behind Kerrick . He looked to see several women sitting around a fire helping to cook the evening meal . However , he knew she was the one with the long red - gold locks and the sapphire eyes . He also knew that he wouldn 't be able to make Anders any promises . " Right … " He said . " Your sister . " Kerrick had to admit that that night he didn 't know if he was thankful anymore for the roof over his head , as it put him in close proximity to a woman that was very clearly a Driss goddess , which now he thought was very unfair . That night , when everyone who was going to sleep got ready to do so . She came and sat next to Kerrick . She had a perplexed look on her face , as if there was something about him that she did not quite understand . " I have not wandered for many years . My brother and I helped our Father build his Kingdom in the North . We lived with him there until he died . Now my brother Jerrick is King and I am his ambassador . He has sent me to gather our people . " " The Driss . All of us . We will be stronger if we fortify in the North , and then maybe , when we are truly strong , we can take back our lands in the South . " " If you don 't want to come ? Don 't you wish for a home , a place where you can stay and won 't have to move from ? Roots ? " " Lusa ? " He repeated . " Well , it is good to meet you . " " It is good to meet you too , Kerrick , son of Merrick . Goodnight to you . " She left him and went to the trailer where the unmarried women slept . Kerrick , slept in the wagon with Anders and his young friends . It was a decent roof , but a little too close for comfort . As they caravan made it 's way South , Kerrick ended up spending most of his nights wrapped in his blanket up on the wagon seat . Nobody bothered him or tried to talk him out of it . It was still warm , as it was late summer and there were still warm nights to be had . They reached the crossroads and found no one there . Perhaps when they returned , Anders suggested . They moved on to the South . Going around the forest was not the most expedient way to travel , but it was the safest , as only the elves knew the hidden paths through the forest . It loomed in the distance , a tall jagged tower of stone . It was not fancy or extravagant , but it was a symbol of power . It was the Krystal Fortress , created thousands of years ago by Driss who knew the secrets of the Krystal Dragons . The statuettes of crystal , one Sapphire , one opal , one ruby and one jade that powered a shield that covered the fortress and all the surrounding lands . That was what used to keep the Trow and Tresser at bay . Now , the fortress stood empty . It seemed that the Trow and the Tresser had given up guarding it since the dragons had been lost and the royal Driss family had fled to the North . Still , Kerrick could not help but go into that place . Search the empty stone halls , look at the items that had been left behind when the Driss had abandoned this place . See the skeletons of the ones that were unable to escape . This had been home to his Father and his Father before that . But Jerrick and Kerrick had never known this place . They were born as their parents traveled to the North . Still , it was sad . It seemed as though the halls were filled with angry ghosts . Ghosts that would stay there until their deaths and people were avenged . That night , he made the royal suite his bed chamber . He had cleared off what had been the bed and had put his own blanket there , for the old bedding was rather rat and moth eaten . The bedchamber was on the top floor of the tower , so much could bee seen through the windows . The windows had no glass , they were open to the air . From the bed , he could look out and see the stars in the clear night sky . Someone came and lay down next to him in the dark . At first , he was scared , but then he realized it was Lusa and he knew that it was safe . " What are you doing here ? " He asked . " Would you like me to leave ? " She asked . She sounded a bit miffed at him , as if she really didn 't want to leave . Then part of him wondered if he really wanted her to . She said nothing more . She lay by his side quietly and was soon asleep . Something about her being there with him perplexed him . What was it that she wanted ? Anders had told him to stay away , but was that what he truly meant ? He curled up next to her and went to sleep . They camped in that place for a week , and each night she would come and sleep with him . He was becoming used to having her there . And soon enough , he expected her there . And finally , he was ready for her to do more than just sleep by his side . The night before they would journey back to the crossroads , they made love for the first time . It was that night that he realized that he loved Lusa . And it was clear to him that she loved him back . On the journey back to the crossroads , they slept in different wagons again , because as far as Kerrick knew , no one knew about what they had done , which was probably for the best . When they finally reached that place again , Kerrick was amazed to find that there was indeed a gathering of Driss there . And not merely a small gathering either . There were probably a thousand Driss there all together . Men , women , children . All of them with their wagons and whatever they had to sell or trade . This was more than Kerrick could have ever hoped for . As the Driss from Anders 's caravan began to disperse within the larger group to trade and conduct other business , Anders took Kerrick aside for a moment . " I assume this is what you were hoping for . " Anders said . " There may be more still . We have not heard from our brethren who lay further to the Southwest and East . There may be even more than this . " " It is alright . She loves you . Or so she has said . But just know , if you hurt my sister , I will kill you myself . " Carrie Fisher , Our Princess Carrie Fisher has always been an interesting character . An actress and a prolific writer , people know her best as Princess Leia from the original Star Wars trilogy . Her Hollywood story began well before this though . The daughter of actress Debbie Reynolds and singer Eddie Fisher , there was probably no doubt that she would get into show business herself at some point . One of the first roles of her young career was in the film Shampoo , with Warren Beatty . This was in 1975 , in 1977 , she would be offered the role of Princess Leia in the movie Star Wars . Carrie Fisher has always been honest about the hard times she has had throughout her life and her career . Once she referred to herself not as a damsel in distress , but a distressing damsel . She struggled with mental health issues and drug addiction throughout her life , but always managed to overcome somehow , though being able to acknowledge and , despite stubbornness , ask for help ( asking for help can be difficult . I know from personal experience ) . She has found a new voice through several avenues , whether it be advocacy , writing , or acting , she always seemed to do things with a certain honesty and no small amount of truthfulness . Her book , Postcards from the Edge , became a movie starring Meryl Streep and Shirley MacClaine . It 's a great read as are many of her other books . Princess Leia is one of the greatest characters ever to grace the screen . This is primarily because of the fact that she represented what a strong female character should be . Not over sexualized , independent , strong , feisty . A woman who could stand shoulder to shoulder with men , even if it was to call them a stuck up , half - witted , scruffy - looking Nerf - herders . She was a role model for girls and young women , when there were not many strong female characters being presented on the screen . She was certainly a role model to me , and shall continue to be so . I will always appreciate the character of Princess Leia , and the wonderful actress who brought her to life . Carrie Fisher shall be sorely missed by fan and peer alike . Thank you . Tales of the Driss , Krystal Dragons Revamped Beginning Hello ! ! I went though and I redid the beginning of this particular piece of writing and I wanted to know if it reads well , so I am going to go ahead and ask my friends and readers how it reads . See anything amiss , let me know ! ! Thank you so much ! ! Jerrick wondered where Kerrick was . While Jerrick had had to stay behind at the palace at a meeting of the High Laudriss , the leading council of their people , the Driss , Kerrick had gone off on a hunt . Jerrick had to admit , he was a bit jealous . As his father 's eldest son , he was obligated to care for his people as the man who was now their king , but he wished he had the freedom that Kerrick had . The current meeting was about the Trow , dark elves , and the Tresser who were their henchmen who had always hunted the Driss . " Our scouts have informed the council that the Tresser have been seen Camping in the valleys just South of here . If they should come any closer to Lunaris … " Reger was one of the oldest Driss on the council of the High Laudriss . He was one of King Merrick 's most trusted advisers , and Jerrick had continued to trust him . " Our king led us to this safe haven in the North , away from the horrors of the Trow who have always made war against us . We would all be gone , if not for him . " " And our good princes built his palace for him . " Said Wulfnoth . A younger Driss who was closer to Jerrick 's age . " We will not be driven from this place as well . If the Trow and the Tresser find us here , we will be done for . " The other ten members of the High Laudriss agreed by nodding . " we must strike them first . " Reger said . " We must keep better watch and destroy any Trow or Tresser that come into the valley . This is our home ! ! It may not have the magic that once protected us in the Crystal Fortress , but it is strong , and we will not be driven out again ! ! " " I will give the order to the guards and the scouts . " Jerrick said . Any Trow or Tresser seen coming into our domain must be destroyed . All must be killed . We cannot afford to lose what Kerrick and I have built here . " Young ? Jerrick did not think himself young . He was fifty - five , just had come of age five years earlier . He had two years on his brother Kerrick who was fifty - three . I suppose that is what young means , Jerrick thought . We are still young among our people . " Now to our second order of business . " Wulfnoth said . " We have decided to gather the rest of our people . I would ask that our king choose an ambassador to send out into the lands in order to gather our people back to us . We have been scattered by misfortune for too long . We must consolidate our kingdom and people . Who do you choose , your Majesty ? " Jerrick thought about it for a moment . Whoever he sent might be gone for a long time , as the Trow and the Tresser had spread their people thin . Who could he trust with such an important mission ? The door burst open and Fanna , the head of the guard came into the war room . He was dressed in his armor and had a grave look on his face . " Fanna , what is it ? " Jerrick asked him . Fanna bowed . " Your Majesty . We have received news that there is a band of Tresser camping up in the mountains , near to where your brother and his friends are hunting . " " What ? ! How did this happen ? How did they get past our defenses ? I suppose that doesn 't matter now . Now we must go and save my brother . Bring my armor ! ! " Jerrick cried . Jerrick decided that Wulfnoth was right . He looked over to where Fanna stood , still in the doorway . " Go . Bring my brother back to me . " He said and he sat down dejectedly in his seat at the head of the war room . Kerrick loved his friends and , in all truth , he wasn 't much of a hunter , but he enjoyed being outdoors having a good time . He knew his brother Jerrick was a bit jealous that He had so much freedom , but Jerrick was king now , and his responsibilities were great . Plus Kerrick did not do this kind of thing very often . He wouldn 't pass up an opportunity though . He and Jerrick had spent so much or their youth wandering at first , and then when they had settled , they built their father a palace from which to rule . It wasn 't extravagant or anything . A simple building of stone and wood . Still , it was home , and they called it a palace because it was home . Then , a few years ago , soon after Kerrick had turned fifty , their father had died . After that , he felt as though he was almost alone , as Jerrick was busy taking care of the palace and kingdom , and he was just … there . So the best thing to do was to get out , even if it were just for a little while . The game seemed to be sparse that day , which was odd , because these woods always seemed to have something to offer . They had managed a few quail , a deer and a fox , but everything else seemed to have gone into hiding , as if they had disappeared . As they camped that night and cooked their quail over a fire , Kerrick couldn 't help but wonder why . " The game was sparse today , " he said to his friends . " That is unusual , don 't you think ? " " I suppose , " said Gen . " Then again , the season is changing and it will be Winter soon . They may have gone into their Winter hiding places ? " Gen was slightly younger than Kerrick , and wasn 't much for hunting either . " No . " Said Riin . " The forest seems to have emptied itself . Tat is very unusual . Not many things can have such an effect . As if they have been driven out . " " Evil … " Kerrick said . " You do not suppose that it is Trow ? " He asked worriedly . If it were Trow , they would be in great danger out here in the open , as Trow could see and move easily in the dark , and the Driss could not . That was how the Trow used to conduct their massacres , Coming in the night and killing all they could while taking some and leaving only the grieving and wounded behind . A memory came to him , but he pushed it away . He did not wish to remember that right now . " If it is , we are definitely in danger . " Riin said . He was an older Driss who came with the two younger Driss as chaperone . He knew all about the Trow and the Tresser . A scar down the left side of his face told an ugly tale of a dark encounter with them . " I think it would be wise to put out the fire . " " Agreed . " Kerrick said . " If they do come , at least they can see us less clearly and we can see them more , if our eyes adjust . " " Keep your swords at the ready . " Riin said . We cannot leave this place tonight , it would be too dangerous to travel at night . But we might be able to defend ourselves if we stay here and keep our backs to each other . " The fire was put out , and all the three Driss could do in the dark was wait . Every sound , every snapping twig , or rustling leaf put Kerrick on edge . He stayed close to Riin , but knew that if they did come , it would be hopeless . And come they did , and hopeless it was . All he saw when they did was shadows , and the flashing of knives in the moonlight . Kerrick heard Gen scream , and knew he was dead . Then he himself was grabbed , and he was thrown against a nearby tree . The air was knocked out of him , and he had to regain it before he could do anything . Soon he knew that Riin was gone too , and they came over to where he lay , and lifted him off the ground . His energy had not returned , and he was sure that a few ribs might be broken . When they lifted him , he just hung there , waiting for them to kill him . Instead , one of them ripped the brooch off his cloak . That brooch had on it their family crest . The Trow would probably know it . Apparently they did because , instead of killing him , they bound him and took him away into the night . Kerrick woke to find himself in a cave that was lit by a fire . He was bound hand and foot , and his broken ribs made sitting upon the hard floor very uncomfortable . Still he had to do something , so he sat up and looked around the cave . There were about ten Tresser in there , and at least one Trow . Man , he assumed . It was sometimes difficult to tell due to the fact that both men and women had the same pale skin and ragged teeth , as well as the black hair . Trow lived in the earth , for the most part . They lived in great cities under the ground in almost complete darkness . Still that didn 't stop them from hating just about all of the other races , especially Driss . When the Trow saw that Kerrick was awake , it came over to him . They all wore similar white robes and walked elegantly like normal elves , or so Kerrick was told , as he had never seen elves before . Still , this creature was elegant . It came and knelt down in front of him . It reached out its hand and ran it through Kerrick hair . " Light hair . " A distinctly male voice said . " That is unusual for Driss , isn 't it ? " " Yes , well if you were looking for a woman , you 're out of luck . " Kerrick said defiantly . " Why haven 't you killed me ? " The Trow continued to play with Kerrick 's hair . " You 're not dead because I don 't want you to be dead yet . " It said . " Your brother is king , isn 't he ? And I have no doubt that he 'll come for you . " " My brother is not that stupid . Someone may come for me , but it won 't be him . Now get your filthy hands off me , you piece of shite ! ! " The Trow knotted his fingers in the blond hair and pulled at it savagely , causing the Driss to cry out . " He may not be stupid , but you are . So very , very stupid . " The Trow yanked at Kerrick 's hair viciously . " If I were you , I would shut my mouth . " The Trow gave Kerrick a hard back - handed slap to the face , causing the Driss to fall over sideways . The Trow then ripped a long strip from Kerrick 's cloak and wound it around his head , gagging him with it . It wound a bit of hair in it 's fingers and yanked it out , roots an all , causing Kerrick to cry out again . " Stupid Driss . I will rip it all out before you die . " The Trow then walked away and left Kerrick to his misery . Jerrick had said he would not go , but he could not leave his brother 's rescue to anyone else . He had to rescue Kerrick , and he would . He had already found the bodies of Riin and Gen . Following the trail of the Tresser in the early morning light would not be hard , as the creatures had not even tried to hide their trail as they made their way through the forest . In some ways , they did not have to . They were holding a prince now and assumed that they would have no need to hide for long . When he rescued Kerrick , he would prove them wrong . The trail led up into the hills , which was not surprising since there were caves in those hills , and it would be the most likely hiding place for the Trow and Tresser . The Trow spent their days living underground . While they could walk under the sun , the preferred not to , since the sun hurt their eyes . That meant that they would probably be in a resting state at this point since they had been busy during the night and the sun was bright that day . He just had to find the cave they were hiding in . He crept up the hillside , watching for any sign of movement . He had not brought his armor as he had intended . He knew if he was going to do this he had to be as stealthy as possible , and armor did not make for stealth . Jerrick thought he was being very quiet as he made his way . He was just about to check out another cave when suddenly , he was grabbed from behind , a hand covering his mouth . He was pulled into the shadows behind a rock . He was turned to look upon the face of his captor and when he saw who had taken him , he was both annoyed and relieved . The hand was removed from his mouth . " Fanna . " He said . " I am glad to see you . " " No . " Fanna said . " Your Majesty , you brother is our responsibility . You know I would have taken care of this . Do you not trust me ? Do you think so little of my abilities ? " Jerrick shook his head dejectedly . " No , I do not doubt you , Fanna . However , Kerrick and I have always taken care of each other . I could not leave him out here . " " I understand , your Majesty . " Fanna said . " Anyway , it 's too late for you to turn back now . We are almost upon them . There is a crack in the hillside some way above us . I believe that is where they are . I will scout it out . When I return , we will formulate a plan , and we will go in and get him . " Fanna returned a short time later with news . He sat down behind the rock beside Jerrick . Jerrick was anxious to hear what the older Driss had to say . " They have your brother and he still lives . He seems to have suffered some pain , but not so much as to incapacitate . Still , getting him out of there will not be easy . The cave houses about ten Tresser , and at least one Trow . It is well guarded so devising a plan may be difficult . " " The purpose of luring is to get the majority of those you lure to follow you . It would be too dangerous for you . But if I can get most of them out of the cave , that would leave fewer of them to fight when you get in there . Also the chances that my men will catch up to me as I lead them on are good . It is safer for you to sneak in . Do you have anything bearing your royal insignia ? " Fanna asked . " My mother made this waist - coat for me for my fortieth birthday . She was very proud of me . She died not long after that . And my father died . Driss can barely stand to lose their mates sometimes . Their mates cling too closely to their hearts and when one goes , the other feels as though they must follow . " Jerrick lifted an eyebrow in surprise . " Romantic ? " He said as he began to take his jacket off . " I never would have thought that we were romantic . Still , I suppose it fits . " He took off the waist - coat and handed it to Fanna . The other Driss put it on . " Yes . " Jerrick said . He didn 't know if he meant to say that or if he was merely trying to appear brave . Still , he had no other choice . " Let 's go . " Fanna made his way up the hill , and Jerrick was not far behind . Jerrick satyed hidden in the shadows as Fanna stepped in front of the cave opening and shouted . " I am Jerrick , son of Merrick ! ! Come and get me ! ! " Thankfully , it worked , and the Tresser took off after the Driss as he ran back down off the hillside . Jerrick went to the cave opening and peeked inside . At first , he saw nothing . He did see where Kerrick lay tied up , but he did not see any Trow or Tresser . Jerrick tip toed into the cave , hoping that he was right and he would not find his enemy in there . He made his way over to where Kerrick lay , and tried to untie him , but he was grabbed from behind and thrown aside . Jerrick hit the wall hard as he was tossed across the room . It too a bit for him to regain his air . When he had , he looked up to see a Trow towering over him with his brother Kerrick in its arms and and a knife to the Driss 's throat . Jerrick tried to get to his feet , but the Trow kicked him in the gut . " I suggest you stay down , my small friend . You will not be rescuing anyone . " Jerrick lay still as the Trow took a step back , holding his brother tightly , and the knife close to his skin . So close that a bead of blood was escaping from a small cut . " As you see , I have your prince . I just wait for my Tresser to come back with your king . Or maybe they were mistaken . Maybe this rat at my feet is a king and the other Driss was merely a decoy ? Thinking is not something the Tresser do especially well . However I can see in you what I need to . The elegance , regality . " Once again , Jerrick tried to get to his feet . He was able to , but he could make no move against this creature , not while it held Kerrick . Plus the creature stood about three heads taller than Jerrick . Driss were small people . Not as small as gnomes or halflings , but small , nonetheless . Kerrick 's feet were held high off the ground . " You know the answers to these questions . " The Trow said . " The Driss are an abomination that must be wiped from this world . We will do this . " The Trow tossed Kerrick aside , the Driss landed with a thud on the hard rock below . The Trow lifted its knife and attacked Jerrick . Jerrick was just able to fend it off with a sword hastily drawn . But the Trow was strong than him and incredibly fast . He would not hold out for long against this creature . He dodged blow after blow , attempting to stay out of the way of the Trow 's blade , but he was finally struck in the left shoulder , and fell to the ground with a cry . With a triumphant look on its face , the Trow lifted his sword , ready for the death - blow . And then it stopped , mid - swing . The bloody tip of a sword protruded from its chest . The Trow dropped the knife and fell forward . its was dead . Kerrick was the one who had struck the blow . He walked up behind the Trow and pulled the sword out of its back . " It 's so very wise of them to just leave weapons lying about . " Kerrick said with a smile . He helped Jerrick up . Jerrick was pained , but he knew that they had to move . " We have to get out of here . " He said to his brother . Kerrick nodded and they ran from that place and waited for Fanna 's return . Fanna arrived soon after with reinforcements , and the knowledge that all the Tresser in the band had been killed . It was over . Back at the palace , Kerrick sat with Jerrick in the kitchen . The two of them liked the kitchen because it seemed that it was so much more private than the banquet hall . They sat and ate together and drank and talked about everything . And then the conversation got serious . Jerrick thought about it . Then he realized that he hadn 't really thought about it . He just assumed that Kerrick would accept the assignment . " No , I didn 't think of that . Are you saying you do not wish to go ? " Kerrick gave a nervous laugh and said , " I don 't know . It 's a heavy decision to make . And you 're just kind of springing it on me . Have you told anyone else ? " " I think you 're the only man for the job . You 're a Driss prince , one of the last of the royal line ! They will trust you , Kerrick . " It was a bit unfair , Jerrick knew . He had given Kerrick basically no other choice . His brother nodded . " If this is what you want , then I will go . " Scenes from Harold Godwinson Hello and thank you for reading . I have finally finished my screenplay , Harold Godwinson , and I thought I would share a few scenes with my lovely followers and people I thought might be interested . They are chronologically in order , but there are , of course , scenes that come before and after each of these . I will go ahead and give a little explanation . Harold is the son of Godwin who was the Earl of Wessex in Britain . When Godwin dies , Harold takes up the title of Earl of Wessex as he is Godwin 's second son and heir . In January of 1066 , Harold was crowned King Harold II of Britain . His fate is legend and I wanted to bring his story to the screen . His encounters with William Duke of Normandy would shape the history of Britain as the Anglo - Saxon kings were laid to rest , and the Anglo - Norman kings began to rise with William the Conqueror . The scenes are as follows . The first scene is with Harold as he is just getting to know his consort , Edith of Essex . He had to meet , and fall in love with Edith fairly quickly because their relationship is an important cornerstone that runs throughout the story . I thought it was a good scene to lead with because everyone loves a love scene . Harold and Edith had an interesting love story that will conflict with what must be done when he become king and must marry a suitable wife . Scene 3 Harold 's brother Tostig is the 3rd most powerful man in Britain after King Edward and Harold who is still Earl of Wessex . He has abused his privilege and has taxed the people to the point of rebellion . He is called on his crimes and looks to Harold for help . Edith 's MAID is helping to comb Edith 's hair . Edith wears her long white night gown . There is a large fire in the fireplace , and the large bed sits over not far to the side of that . The door quietly opens , and Harold steps in . William sits in his chair and Harold comes into the hall . He walks to the front of the hall and bows to William . The hall is littered with the ADVISERS of William , and at least two PRIESTS stand near the dais . Perhaps you are not as honorable a man as I thought . Perhaps your whole family are dishonorable . If that be so , then maybe the life of your brother is not that important , seeing as he is probably dishonorable as well . A life without honor is no life at all , and therefore , has no right to be . Prove yourself , and I will know . Swear that you will tell the Witan to choose me . That is very good of you , Harold , Earl of Wessex . However , both you and I know that an oath made under duress is one that is not required of one to fulfill . So I thought you should see what is in this chest . Come here . No , I 'm sure you will see that they actually do . One cannot go against God . It is he who holds this oath and will see it fulfilled . Do your duty , sir , or pay the consequences . I don 't know about that . I have become rather fond of him , and he is quite useful to have around . You may leave , but he must stay . Good day to you , Earl of Wessex . Safe journey home . King Edward sits upon his throne with Queen Edith by his side . On either side of him , lords are seated upon benches . On the kings right hand side are the old Lords of the Witan , and on his left hand side are the Thanes , and the representatives from across the lands . Before him stands a very well dressed Tostig , Morcar , Edwin and Harold . Tostig Godwinson , Earl of Northumbria . You have been called here to face allegations of abuse of your power at the expense of the people . What say you , sir ? Abuse of power ? The expense of the people ? That is just not so , your majesty . I have done all in my power to care for the people . Then why did your people ask us to step in and investigate ? I think the proof of the allegations are clear . Those are hardly practicle and modest garments , Earl of Northumbria . The Thanes and others of the region give their testimony . In the end , there is no doubt . Tostig is clearly guilty and everyone knows it . Harold gives his brother a sad look . My king . The Witan finds that guilt is undeniable . The Earl of Northumbria , Tostig Godwinson , is guilty of the crimes of which he has been accused . You may now pass judgement . Very good . Tostig , Earl of Northumbria . You no longer have a right to that title , and it will be handed over to Morcar of Mercia , along with your estate and all other holdings . You are banished . Leave now . Edward lies upon his bed , Queen Edith stands beside it , holding his hand and weeping . When Harold arrives , she looks up at him and beckons for both he and Lerith . The rush over to her . The king goes limp . King Edward The Confessor has died , and his wife dissolves in tears as Harold holds her . A few tears come to his eyes as well . In a dark chamber , lit by fires and torches , the men of the Witan gather . A group of Twenty men , all old and bearded sit in the room at a long table . The three most senior are Lerith , ANGAR , and KERRIK . The three men will control the proceedings . He is still not an Englishman . He is a Norwegian King , and does not belong here . The people would see him as an invader , not a king . I wish to get this out of the way . Both King Edward and Harold Earl of Wessex have asked to put forward the name of William , Duke of Normandy . I would like to suggest someone else . Harold Godwinson , Earl of Wessex and Brother - in - law to the king . He is an Englishman and a nobleman , and the people already love and respect him . While most of the fans seemed to have calmed , some in the media still seem to be out for blood when it comes to the Poldark episode 8 " rape scene " . I would highly recommend that they let it go due to their sensationalizing it and due to the fact that they are slightly putting it out of context . Whether of not it was or was not rape is up to the viewer , and I cannot make that determination for them and they cannot make that determination for me . However , what we can do is go over the scene and some thing that may have bearing on what happens in the scene . First of all , language has changed since the 1940s and 50s when the books were written . It certainly has since the 18th century when the books are set . Language had quite a few more subtleties than it does today , and meaning for some things has certainly changed . No still means no , but in a second you will see what I am getting at . So Ross has had a bad couple of days . In all truth I don 't think I have seen that character be good at anything . He was bad at delinquency , soldiering , mining , and now being a husband . Still we were sort of willing to forgive all that because he was sort of the champion for the common man , and there were few enough of those in that era . He represented the man who was willing to fight for the common man . He did some really stupid things in order to do some but did so nonetheless . So we have Ross and his " bad days " . He then learns that his former love , Elizabeth , is about to marry his mortal enemy ( yes , he has mortal enemies . I wonder if he keeps a list like Sheldon Cooper ? ) George Warleggen . He is incensed by this because he knows that Elizabeth is doing this just to raise his ire . So he goes to her house in the dead of night and starts banging on the doors . It would have been good at that point if she had gone down stairs and met him in the drawing room if she didn 't want him in her bedroom . She knew he was there , heard him clearly , was not worried that he was there . Even Aunt Agatha knew he was there . So things might have played out differently if she had gone down to meet him . Then he goes up stairs and finds her in her room . He does not come in at first , she tells him to wait while she gets a candle and they go down stairs . However , he comes in . She does not stop him . If she had wanted him out of there she would have said something to the point of , " What , are you deaf from banging your head on rocks too many times in the mine ? ! Downstairs ! " If she had said that he probably would have gotten the message . He still would have been angry , but it would have played out differently . Then she challenges him . And we 'll get to other challenges in a minute , but this is at least the second one . She asks his if he would do anything to keep her from being a widow for many long years ? Note that her mother had just suffered a stroke , her husband had just died , and Ross was her first love . A man she probably would have married if she had known he was coming back from the war ( the American Revolution ) . Basically she is saying , " will you provide for me and my child , despite the fact that you are still married ? " That in itself is scandalous since she is suggesting that he either divorce or commit adultery , neither of which people in the era , or god at the time would look kindly upon . Then their frustrations boil over , he kisses her and she doesn 't respond well . She says , " you would not dare . " Now what is the operative word we need to be looking at there , kids ? That 's right , " dare " . A dare is a challenge , and this is in fact the third challenge she has given him . And probably when she says dare , it really means , " I wonder if he will ? " Let 's talk about these challenges for a moment . The first one was where she tells him , " downstairs " and he comes into the bedroom anyway . That 's the first , " I wonder if he will ? " The second is when she encourages him to be her mate , " I wonder if he will ? " The third is when she says , " you would not dare . " Yes this is a challenge , it is also quite different from , " no , I don 't want to " , or , " please don 't , I don 't want to , " or in fact anything like that . The he throws her on the bed and starts kissing her and she kisses him passionately and continually back . That doesn 't happen with rape . It would be at this point that she would try and push him off , kick him , bite him , scream for Aunt Agatha who has a gun , or could certainly go out and find help . Aunt Agatha knows what 's happening ! She 's basically in the next room ! So what I see is a man and a woman engaging in what happens after years of watching and wanting . Suffering ad frustration . Acknowledging that they would have been with each other if things had been different . This isn 't the terrible thing some think it is . It 's people being human , for goodness sake ! The the next day Ross gets his freakin ' pants on , and they have a perfectly rational conversation about the consequences of THEIR actions . A lot of what I see on Elizabeth 's face there is guilt . She has had sex with a man she 's not married to , she 's caused her former love to commit adultery ( both taboos and no - nos ) , and they have both betrayed Ross 's wife , Demelza who lost her first child caring for Elizabeth and her family when they were ill . Recently I was in a Twittersation ( yes , that 's what I call them ) , where I found something really , really offensive and sort of went off . Someone later said to me , " don 't be so reactive , you lose your voice " . This is very much true . While you may be a voice for women and rape victims , as I am , you can have a voice and be involved and helpful . However no one wants to hear a voice that is shouting rabidly in their ear . It doesn 't work out well and then no one listens to you because you 're just annoying . Another thing that we need to be wary of is that when people find something offensive , that when a really dirty word comes into play . What 's that dirty word , kids ? * puts hand to ear and listens intently * That 's right , censorship ! The road to censorship is a slippery slope . Once it begins , it 's not pretty . When we go back to the days of abridging and burning books because they 're " offensive " . When we lose shows like Outlander , Game of Thrones , The Waling dead , even Supernatural , because they 're considered " offensive " . If there is anything we have learned from Russia , China , North Korea and other countries like it , it 's censorship = bad . I am not saying that your point of view is invalid , I am not saying that you don 't have the right to feel the way you do . All I ask is that people have the same respect for me . Also the scene is ambiguous . There are several ways in which it can be interpreted . There 's not just your way , and you should just take the word of media sensationalism . In all truth I am not a great fan of Poldark . I find it exceedingly boring at times , but I felt I still had to speak . Thank you for listening .
|
I recently went and saw the movie " Logan " which is the last film in the Marvel film series about the X - Men ( or so it would seem ) . I must say that as a person who has found just about every Marvel movie annoying since the original X - Men series , I was very pleased with this movie . While all of the X - Men films , and Marvel films in general , have been the same special effects driven , generic movies , " Logan " had a a gritty , real world feel to it that made it far more engaging than the usual superhero movie . That is because Logan ( played by Hugh Jackman ) is one of the few characters from the original films that is still a mutant and still has powers . However it becomes clear very early in the movie that his powers are waning , and he 's not the paragon of strength that " Wolverine " used to be . He 's looking old , his scars are showing , his eyesight is failing , he limps like a man whose worked too hard and is in his sixties , and his wondrous healing powers that had seen him through so much are disappearing . He also seems to be extremely depressed . After years of being something , he 's been reduced to a limo driver whose purpose is to drive around drunken idiots . He 's also taking care of his old friend , Professor Charles Xavier ( played by Patrick Stewart ) whose very old and suffering from Alzheimer . Logan has no choice but to watch as one of the most powerful minds in the world deteriorates into nothing . Professor X , on the other hand , is very aware that people are " just waiting for him to die . " Many older people experience this , which brings to Xavier a feeling of mortality as he realizes the restrictions of his brilliance brought on by old age . The audience gets the feeling that Logan is about ready to give up . He 's carrying around an Adamantium bullet , the only thing that he knows that can definitely kill him . He 's realized that most of the purpose in his life has gone away , and he is ready to die . When he meets the little girl Laura , who has powers just like him , his will to live is renewed as he cannot help but love the child who becomes more than a little special to him . Logan is a very interesting character to study , especially as he progresses through the series . When we first meet Logan , he is , indeed , a cage fighter in Canada , running away from a past he can 't remember and trying to avoid all human contact . This is probably because he 's trying to avoid getting hurt . He is very aware that if you care about anything , losing it means the potential for emotional pain . While he presents himself as a character with a massive chip on his shoulder who cares for no one , that doesn 't seem to be the case at all . In fact , he may be a loner , but he also has a big heart that is easily shattered by loss and pain . Throughout the series there are several deaths and un - requited love stories that he goes through . What Logan 's attitude boils down to in the end is fear of loss , fear of pain , and possibly just a desire to not have to deal with that anymore . By the time we reach the Logan story , he has to be almost three hundred years old . In that span of time , one can be witness to more human tragedy than anyone should ever suffer . Some part of him probably longs for mortality , the release of death means the release from pain , which is probably why he carries that bullet around with him . As Logan goes through the story , he realizes that he doesn 't have to kill himself . With his failing powers , he 's staring down mortality . And he realizes the limits of his strength just as any normal human would . The audience can tell that this brings him both relief and fear . But there 's one last thing he has to do . That he has to finish . And finish it he will , even if it ends him . The movie " Logan " is all about endings . In some ways it is also about beginnings . There is the classic theme of passing the torch from one generation to the next . This is a theme that is as old as story telling as the old hero passes his sword to his child so that the child may carry on when he can no longer . It is also a story about how even heroes all fallible . Logan , who was once invincible , is no longer what he used to be . The mask of the hero is lifted to reveal a mere mortal . It is also about facing down fear , whether it be the fear of taking the risk and loving someone , or the fear of mortal limitations . All in all , it is perhaps the best film in the series . Just like Deadpool , this movie is not really appropriate for children as it has it 's share of swearing and stabbing people through the head . However the violence in this movie is not a bad thing . It actually contributes to the story and the character as Logan , the Clint Eastwood cowboy type , carves his way to a difficult victory . In some ways it is like watching an old Western movie like The Good , The Bad and The Ugly , or a Chinese Kung - Fu film like The Blood of the Dragon where the hero doesn 't even fall down to die . Which in some ways kind of makes it a guy movie , but just about any X - Men fan , or action movie fan and sit and enjoy it . In fact it 's kind of nice that heralds back to that old action movie feel . The tone is both modern and nostalgic for those who have always loved action movies . Tales of the Driss , Krystal Dragons Now Available After some adventures and trial and error in self - publishing , Tales of the Driss , Krystal Dragons is now available . I am hoping that readers of fantasy will now be able to enjoy it . It was one of the most interesting endeavors in my writing career as writing prose is not necessarily my forte . It is far easier for me to wrap my head around screenwriting , and even that is difficult at times . I felt the story of Kellen and Ferian had to be told . And since this book is the first book in a series of at least three the Driss and their fellow fantasy characters will be pulling at me for some time to come . Thank you for your readership of bot this blog , and hopefully , the book . The characters have been dancing through my head since I saw the portrayal of the characters Fili and Kili by Dean O ' Gorman and Aidan Turner in The Hobbit movies . Now , Kellen and Ferian , the Driss brothers , have a world of their own . They hope that you will join them there . Thank you . Jerrick wondered where his brother was . He had sent his younger brother Kerrick out into the world to gather their people , the Driss who had been scattered by the Trow who had always hunted them . Jerrick had to remain in the North , in the country of Lunaris where he was King to their people after his Father 's death . But the High Laudriss , the ruling body of his people , had decided they wanted to gather their wandering brethren and fortify here in the North . This meant that they needed an envoy , a representative , and they had chosen Kerrick . Jerrick felt he had no choice but to agree with them . He had to remain here and maintain the security of their new Kingdom that was under constant threat by the Trow and Tresser , dark elves and their cousins who hunted Driss . He also had to guard against the other people of the world who did not trust the Driss due to their rarity and general misunderstandings . Driss were small and fair . Taller than gnomes , dwarves and Halflings , but shorter than men , elves , Trow and Tresser . Kerrick was his little brother , and they had been through everything together . From the wanderings of their youth to their finally having found a homeland in Lunaris . The brothers had been born on the road and had witnessed many things and been through many hardships before they had come to this place . They had been hunted , chased , denied shelter by the other peoples of the world . Suffered from cold , hunger , near starvation . They had survived it all and come to Lunaris where they built their Father a palace from stone and wood . A simple fortress , but it was home to them . Now , Jerrick was lonely as he sat at his desk , late one night , looking over books and papers , trying to find any words in the journals of his Father that would lead him to the Krystal Dragons . They were Krystaline statues of dragons , one rube , one jade , one opal and one sapphire . When brought together at the Krystal Fortress in the South , they created a shield that could protect the Driss from any enemy . That 's what Jerrick wanted . To return his people to their proper place in their own land . This place was home , but it was not the home of the Driss . He sighed as he shuffled through one of his Father 's journals . The pages were old and falling apart . Any clue . Any clue at all would be helpful . The candle light was dim , and he was having a hard time concentrating on the pages he was looking at . His mind wandered back to Kerrick . He remembered that night in the kitchen when he had requested Kerrick go . It was quite clear to him . A night of victorious drinking after the defeat of their rivals the Trow who were trying to drive them out once again . The Trow were dark elves who lived under the earth and hated all other people , but they especially hated the Driss . They were alone in the kitchen that night . Sharing a brotherly moment , one of the last they would have for a very long time . Jerrick thought about it . Then he realized that he hadn 't really thought about it . He just assumed that Kerrick would accept the assignment . " No , I didn 't think of that . Are you saying you do not wish to go ? " Kerrick gave a nervous laugh and said , " I don 't know . It 's a heavy decision to make . And you 're just kind of springing it on me . Have you told anyone else ? " " I think you 're the only man for the job . You 're a Driss prince , one of the last of the royal line ! They will trust you , Kerrick . " It was a bit unfair , Jerrick knew . He had given Kerrick basically no other choice . His brother nodded . " If this is what you want , then I will go . " " You have my thanks , brother . " Jerrick said . " You have my thanks . " Kerrick left soon after . They said goodbye to each other down by the gates to the city . There was a reluctant look on Kerrick 's face . " You will be fine , brother , " Jerrick said . " I will see you again in a few months . Be careful when you are crossing through the lands of men . They cannot be trusted . " Jerrick looked up through the trees . He could see the blue sky and could feel the warmth of the sun filtering down through the branches . " It 's a beautiful day to start out , " he said . He hugged his brother hard . " Take care of yourself , Kerrick . Come back to me . What would I do without you ? " That had been some months ago , and Jerrick was beginning to worry . He shuffled through the journal pages . There was nothing . Why did his Father leave him no clues ? Did the old King not want him to reinstate their people in the old fortress ? It made no sense . His Father had been a complex Driss . Merrick never spoke about anything that happened before the Fortress had fallen . As far as the King was concerned , his life had started anew upon arriving in the North . He and his wife had lived happily in this palace built for them by their sons . When Merrick 's wife died , he soon followed after her . It was a common malady of Driss to follow a mate closely in death , whether it be a husband following a wife or a wife following a husband . Jerrick had been fifty when his Father had died . At fifty he had just come of age . However , he was ready to take on the reins of the kingdom . He just wished that he had someone to share that burden with . And now that Kerrick was gone … The heavy wooden door opened and Wolfnoth , a younger Driss from the High Laudriss stepped into the study . He was a meek Driss , but a good friend . He always sided with Jerrick in the councils . He carried a candle with him and he looked like he was on his way to bed , he put his hand over his mouth as he yawned . He came and stood across the desk from Jerrick . " It 's very late , your Majesty . " Jerrick smiled . " You are right , Wolfnoth . I shouldn 't worry so much . And it is well passed time to go to bed . I will find no Krystal Dragons tonight . " Kerrick had been out on the road for many months . He had passed through the lands of gnomes and men and had come at last , to the edge of the Broken Forest . He had heard rumors in the man Kingdom that he had recently left that Driss would sometimes pass this way . So he had decided to come to this place to see if it was true . What he found there amazed him . A Driss caravan full of men , women and children who seemed to have been camped there for a while . Their wagons were old , but they were still serviceable and seemed to offer the Driss enough shelter . They seemed well and happy . Still , It was Kerrick 's job to find out who they were and to try and get them to come back with him . He went up to a Driss man who seemed to be in charge of the group . He was slightly taller than the others and had long dark hair and a roguish grin . Yes , he was the leader all right . Kerrick went to his wagon , where the Driss was lounging upon the high seat . " Excuse , me , sir , " He said to the Driss . " Are you the leader here ? " The Driss looked down at him with a smile . " Yeah , I suppose you could say that , " He said . " Name 's Anders . What can I do for you ? " The Driss looked at him in astonishment . " You 're the son of the King ? " " Actually , the brother of the King . Our Father passed away some years ago . " " I 'm sorry to hear that , you Highness . However , I don 't know if my people here would really like to be gathered . We kind of like our wanderer 's ways . " " But why would you wish to keep wandering ? We have a palace and a Kingdom in the North . What would keep you out here when you could come with me and be with others like yourself ? " The Driss pointed off into the forest . " On the other side of those tattered brambles is a place . The place that Driss are meant to belong . The Krystal Fortress . The home of our people , before we were driven from that place by the Trow . " Anders shrugged . " What plans ? We will go tomorrow . For now , you may sleep in our wagon , for you look as though you would take any roof over your head at this point . " Anders pointed behind Kerrick . He looked to see several women sitting around a fire helping to cook the evening meal . However , he knew she was the one with the long red - gold locks and the sapphire eyes . He also knew that he wouldn 't be able to make Anders any promises . " Right … " He said . " Your sister . " Kerrick had to admit that that night he didn 't know if he was thankful anymore for the roof over his head , as it put him in close proximity to a woman that was very clearly a Driss goddess , which now he thought was very unfair . That night , when everyone who was going to sleep got ready to do so . She came and sat next to Kerrick . She had a perplexed look on her face , as if there was something about him that she did not quite understand . " I have not wandered for many years . My brother and I helped our Father build his Kingdom in the North . We lived with him there until he died . Now my brother Jerrick is King and I am his ambassador . He has sent me to gather our people . " " The Driss . All of us . We will be stronger if we fortify in the North , and then maybe , when we are truly strong , we can take back our lands in the South . " " If you don 't want to come ? Don 't you wish for a home , a place where you can stay and won 't have to move from ? Roots ? " " Lusa ? " He repeated . " Well , it is good to meet you . " " It is good to meet you too , Kerrick , son of Merrick . Goodnight to you . " She left him and went to the trailer where the unmarried women slept . Kerrick , slept in the wagon with Anders and his young friends . It was a decent roof , but a little too close for comfort . As they caravan made it 's way South , Kerrick ended up spending most of his nights wrapped in his blanket up on the wagon seat . Nobody bothered him or tried to talk him out of it . It was still warm , as it was late summer and there were still warm nights to be had . They reached the crossroads and found no one there . Perhaps when they returned , Anders suggested . They moved on to the South . Going around the forest was not the most expedient way to travel , but it was the safest , as only the elves knew the hidden paths through the forest . It loomed in the distance , a tall jagged tower of stone . It was not fancy or extravagant , but it was a symbol of power . It was the Krystal Fortress , created thousands of years ago by Driss who knew the secrets of the Krystal Dragons . The statuettes of crystal , one Sapphire , one opal , one ruby and one jade that powered a shield that covered the fortress and all the surrounding lands . That was what used to keep the Trow and Tresser at bay . Now , the fortress stood empty . It seemed that the Trow and the Tresser had given up guarding it since the dragons had been lost and the royal Driss family had fled to the North . Still , Kerrick could not help but go into that place . Search the empty stone halls , look at the items that had been left behind when the Driss had abandoned this place . See the skeletons of the ones that were unable to escape . This had been home to his Father and his Father before that . But Jerrick and Kerrick had never known this place . They were born as their parents traveled to the North . Still , it was sad . It seemed as though the halls were filled with angry ghosts . Ghosts that would stay there until their deaths and people were avenged . That night , he made the royal suite his bed chamber . He had cleared off what had been the bed and had put his own blanket there , for the old bedding was rather rat and moth eaten . The bedchamber was on the top floor of the tower , so much could bee seen through the windows . The windows had no glass , they were open to the air . From the bed , he could look out and see the stars in the clear night sky . Someone came and lay down next to him in the dark . At first , he was scared , but then he realized it was Lusa and he knew that it was safe . " What are you doing here ? " He asked . " Would you like me to leave ? " She asked . She sounded a bit miffed at him , as if she really didn 't want to leave . Then part of him wondered if he really wanted her to . She said nothing more . She lay by his side quietly and was soon asleep . Something about her being there with him perplexed him . What was it that she wanted ? Anders had told him to stay away , but was that what he truly meant ? He curled up next to her and went to sleep . They camped in that place for a week , and each night she would come and sleep with him . He was becoming used to having her there . And soon enough , he expected her there . And finally , he was ready for her to do more than just sleep by his side . The night before they would journey back to the crossroads , they made love for the first time . It was that night that he realized that he loved Lusa . And it was clear to him that she loved him back . On the journey back to the crossroads , they slept in different wagons again , because as far as Kerrick knew , no one knew about what they had done , which was probably for the best . When they finally reached that place again , Kerrick was amazed to find that there was indeed a gathering of Driss there . And not merely a small gathering either . There were probably a thousand Driss there all together . Men , women , children . All of them with their wagons and whatever they had to sell or trade . This was more than Kerrick could have ever hoped for . As the Driss from Anders 's caravan began to disperse within the larger group to trade and conduct other business , Anders took Kerrick aside for a moment . " I assume this is what you were hoping for . " Anders said . " There may be more still . We have not heard from our brethren who lay further to the Southwest and East . There may be even more than this . " " It is alright . She loves you . Or so she has said . But just know , if you hurt my sister , I will kill you myself . " Carrie Fisher , Our Princess Carrie Fisher has always been an interesting character . An actress and a prolific writer , people know her best as Princess Leia from the original Star Wars trilogy . Her Hollywood story began well before this though . The daughter of actress Debbie Reynolds and singer Eddie Fisher , there was probably no doubt that she would get into show business herself at some point . One of the first roles of her young career was in the film Shampoo , with Warren Beatty . This was in 1975 , in 1977 , she would be offered the role of Princess Leia in the movie Star Wars . Carrie Fisher has always been honest about the hard times she has had throughout her life and her career . Once she referred to herself not as a damsel in distress , but a distressing damsel . She struggled with mental health issues and drug addiction throughout her life , but always managed to overcome somehow , though being able to acknowledge and , despite stubbornness , ask for help ( asking for help can be difficult . I know from personal experience ) . She has found a new voice through several avenues , whether it be advocacy , writing , or acting , she always seemed to do things with a certain honesty and no small amount of truthfulness . Her book , Postcards from the Edge , became a movie starring Meryl Streep and Shirley MacClaine . It 's a great read as are many of her other books . Princess Leia is one of the greatest characters ever to grace the screen . This is primarily because of the fact that she represented what a strong female character should be . Not over sexualized , independent , strong , feisty . A woman who could stand shoulder to shoulder with men , even if it was to call them a stuck up , half - witted , scruffy - looking Nerf - herders . She was a role model for girls and young women , when there were not many strong female characters being presented on the screen . She was certainly a role model to me , and shall continue to be so . I will always appreciate the character of Princess Leia , and the wonderful actress who brought her to life . Carrie Fisher shall be sorely missed by fan and peer alike . Thank you . Tales of the Driss , Krystal Dragons Revamped Beginning Hello ! ! I went though and I redid the beginning of this particular piece of writing and I wanted to know if it reads well , so I am going to go ahead and ask my friends and readers how it reads . See anything amiss , let me know ! ! Thank you so much ! ! Jerrick wondered where Kerrick was . While Jerrick had had to stay behind at the palace at a meeting of the High Laudriss , the leading council of their people , the Driss , Kerrick had gone off on a hunt . Jerrick had to admit , he was a bit jealous . As his father 's eldest son , he was obligated to care for his people as the man who was now their king , but he wished he had the freedom that Kerrick had . The current meeting was about the Trow , dark elves , and the Tresser who were their henchmen who had always hunted the Driss . " Our scouts have informed the council that the Tresser have been seen Camping in the valleys just South of here . If they should come any closer to Lunaris … " Reger was one of the oldest Driss on the council of the High Laudriss . He was one of King Merrick 's most trusted advisers , and Jerrick had continued to trust him . " Our king led us to this safe haven in the North , away from the horrors of the Trow who have always made war against us . We would all be gone , if not for him . " " And our good princes built his palace for him . " Said Wulfnoth . A younger Driss who was closer to Jerrick 's age . " We will not be driven from this place as well . If the Trow and the Tresser find us here , we will be done for . " The other ten members of the High Laudriss agreed by nodding . " we must strike them first . " Reger said . " We must keep better watch and destroy any Trow or Tresser that come into the valley . This is our home ! ! It may not have the magic that once protected us in the Crystal Fortress , but it is strong , and we will not be driven out again ! ! " " I will give the order to the guards and the scouts . " Jerrick said . Any Trow or Tresser seen coming into our domain must be destroyed . All must be killed . We cannot afford to lose what Kerrick and I have built here . " Young ? Jerrick did not think himself young . He was fifty - five , just had come of age five years earlier . He had two years on his brother Kerrick who was fifty - three . I suppose that is what young means , Jerrick thought . We are still young among our people . " Now to our second order of business . " Wulfnoth said . " We have decided to gather the rest of our people . I would ask that our king choose an ambassador to send out into the lands in order to gather our people back to us . We have been scattered by misfortune for too long . We must consolidate our kingdom and people . Who do you choose , your Majesty ? " Jerrick thought about it for a moment . Whoever he sent might be gone for a long time , as the Trow and the Tresser had spread their people thin . Who could he trust with such an important mission ? The door burst open and Fanna , the head of the guard came into the war room . He was dressed in his armor and had a grave look on his face . " Fanna , what is it ? " Jerrick asked him . Fanna bowed . " Your Majesty . We have received news that there is a band of Tresser camping up in the mountains , near to where your brother and his friends are hunting . " " What ? ! How did this happen ? How did they get past our defenses ? I suppose that doesn 't matter now . Now we must go and save my brother . Bring my armor ! ! " Jerrick cried . Jerrick decided that Wulfnoth was right . He looked over to where Fanna stood , still in the doorway . " Go . Bring my brother back to me . " He said and he sat down dejectedly in his seat at the head of the war room . Kerrick loved his friends and , in all truth , he wasn 't much of a hunter , but he enjoyed being outdoors having a good time . He knew his brother Jerrick was a bit jealous that He had so much freedom , but Jerrick was king now , and his responsibilities were great . Plus Kerrick did not do this kind of thing very often . He wouldn 't pass up an opportunity though . He and Jerrick had spent so much or their youth wandering at first , and then when they had settled , they built their father a palace from which to rule . It wasn 't extravagant or anything . A simple building of stone and wood . Still , it was home , and they called it a palace because it was home . Then , a few years ago , soon after Kerrick had turned fifty , their father had died . After that , he felt as though he was almost alone , as Jerrick was busy taking care of the palace and kingdom , and he was just … there . So the best thing to do was to get out , even if it were just for a little while . The game seemed to be sparse that day , which was odd , because these woods always seemed to have something to offer . They had managed a few quail , a deer and a fox , but everything else seemed to have gone into hiding , as if they had disappeared . As they camped that night and cooked their quail over a fire , Kerrick couldn 't help but wonder why . " The game was sparse today , " he said to his friends . " That is unusual , don 't you think ? " " I suppose , " said Gen . " Then again , the season is changing and it will be Winter soon . They may have gone into their Winter hiding places ? " Gen was slightly younger than Kerrick , and wasn 't much for hunting either . " No . " Said Riin . " The forest seems to have emptied itself . Tat is very unusual . Not many things can have such an effect . As if they have been driven out . " " Evil … " Kerrick said . " You do not suppose that it is Trow ? " He asked worriedly . If it were Trow , they would be in great danger out here in the open , as Trow could see and move easily in the dark , and the Driss could not . That was how the Trow used to conduct their massacres , Coming in the night and killing all they could while taking some and leaving only the grieving and wounded behind . A memory came to him , but he pushed it away . He did not wish to remember that right now . " If it is , we are definitely in danger . " Riin said . He was an older Driss who came with the two younger Driss as chaperone . He knew all about the Trow and the Tresser . A scar down the left side of his face told an ugly tale of a dark encounter with them . " I think it would be wise to put out the fire . " " Agreed . " Kerrick said . " If they do come , at least they can see us less clearly and we can see them more , if our eyes adjust . " " Keep your swords at the ready . " Riin said . We cannot leave this place tonight , it would be too dangerous to travel at night . But we might be able to defend ourselves if we stay here and keep our backs to each other . " The fire was put out , and all the three Driss could do in the dark was wait . Every sound , every snapping twig , or rustling leaf put Kerrick on edge . He stayed close to Riin , but knew that if they did come , it would be hopeless . And come they did , and hopeless it was . All he saw when they did was shadows , and the flashing of knives in the moonlight . Kerrick heard Gen scream , and knew he was dead . Then he himself was grabbed , and he was thrown against a nearby tree . The air was knocked out of him , and he had to regain it before he could do anything . Soon he knew that Riin was gone too , and they came over to where he lay , and lifted him off the ground . His energy had not returned , and he was sure that a few ribs might be broken . When they lifted him , he just hung there , waiting for them to kill him . Instead , one of them ripped the brooch off his cloak . That brooch had on it their family crest . The Trow would probably know it . Apparently they did because , instead of killing him , they bound him and took him away into the night . Kerrick woke to find himself in a cave that was lit by a fire . He was bound hand and foot , and his broken ribs made sitting upon the hard floor very uncomfortable . Still he had to do something , so he sat up and looked around the cave . There were about ten Tresser in there , and at least one Trow . Man , he assumed . It was sometimes difficult to tell due to the fact that both men and women had the same pale skin and ragged teeth , as well as the black hair . Trow lived in the earth , for the most part . They lived in great cities under the ground in almost complete darkness . Still that didn 't stop them from hating just about all of the other races , especially Driss . When the Trow saw that Kerrick was awake , it came over to him . They all wore similar white robes and walked elegantly like normal elves , or so Kerrick was told , as he had never seen elves before . Still , this creature was elegant . It came and knelt down in front of him . It reached out its hand and ran it through Kerrick hair . " Light hair . " A distinctly male voice said . " That is unusual for Driss , isn 't it ? " " Yes , well if you were looking for a woman , you 're out of luck . " Kerrick said defiantly . " Why haven 't you killed me ? " The Trow continued to play with Kerrick 's hair . " You 're not dead because I don 't want you to be dead yet . " It said . " Your brother is king , isn 't he ? And I have no doubt that he 'll come for you . " " My brother is not that stupid . Someone may come for me , but it won 't be him . Now get your filthy hands off me , you piece of shite ! ! " The Trow knotted his fingers in the blond hair and pulled at it savagely , causing the Driss to cry out . " He may not be stupid , but you are . So very , very stupid . " The Trow yanked at Kerrick 's hair viciously . " If I were you , I would shut my mouth . " The Trow gave Kerrick a hard back - handed slap to the face , causing the Driss to fall over sideways . The Trow then ripped a long strip from Kerrick 's cloak and wound it around his head , gagging him with it . It wound a bit of hair in it 's fingers and yanked it out , roots an all , causing Kerrick to cry out again . " Stupid Driss . I will rip it all out before you die . " The Trow then walked away and left Kerrick to his misery . Jerrick had said he would not go , but he could not leave his brother 's rescue to anyone else . He had to rescue Kerrick , and he would . He had already found the bodies of Riin and Gen . Following the trail of the Tresser in the early morning light would not be hard , as the creatures had not even tried to hide their trail as they made their way through the forest . In some ways , they did not have to . They were holding a prince now and assumed that they would have no need to hide for long . When he rescued Kerrick , he would prove them wrong . The trail led up into the hills , which was not surprising since there were caves in those hills , and it would be the most likely hiding place for the Trow and Tresser . The Trow spent their days living underground . While they could walk under the sun , the preferred not to , since the sun hurt their eyes . That meant that they would probably be in a resting state at this point since they had been busy during the night and the sun was bright that day . He just had to find the cave they were hiding in . He crept up the hillside , watching for any sign of movement . He had not brought his armor as he had intended . He knew if he was going to do this he had to be as stealthy as possible , and armor did not make for stealth . Jerrick thought he was being very quiet as he made his way . He was just about to check out another cave when suddenly , he was grabbed from behind , a hand covering his mouth . He was pulled into the shadows behind a rock . He was turned to look upon the face of his captor and when he saw who had taken him , he was both annoyed and relieved . The hand was removed from his mouth . " Fanna . " He said . " I am glad to see you . " " No . " Fanna said . " Your Majesty , you brother is our responsibility . You know I would have taken care of this . Do you not trust me ? Do you think so little of my abilities ? " Jerrick shook his head dejectedly . " No , I do not doubt you , Fanna . However , Kerrick and I have always taken care of each other . I could not leave him out here . " " I understand , your Majesty . " Fanna said . " Anyway , it 's too late for you to turn back now . We are almost upon them . There is a crack in the hillside some way above us . I believe that is where they are . I will scout it out . When I return , we will formulate a plan , and we will go in and get him . " Fanna returned a short time later with news . He sat down behind the rock beside Jerrick . Jerrick was anxious to hear what the older Driss had to say . " They have your brother and he still lives . He seems to have suffered some pain , but not so much as to incapacitate . Still , getting him out of there will not be easy . The cave houses about ten Tresser , and at least one Trow . It is well guarded so devising a plan may be difficult . " " The purpose of luring is to get the majority of those you lure to follow you . It would be too dangerous for you . But if I can get most of them out of the cave , that would leave fewer of them to fight when you get in there . Also the chances that my men will catch up to me as I lead them on are good . It is safer for you to sneak in . Do you have anything bearing your royal insignia ? " Fanna asked . " My mother made this waist - coat for me for my fortieth birthday . She was very proud of me . She died not long after that . And my father died . Driss can barely stand to lose their mates sometimes . Their mates cling too closely to their hearts and when one goes , the other feels as though they must follow . " Jerrick lifted an eyebrow in surprise . " Romantic ? " He said as he began to take his jacket off . " I never would have thought that we were romantic . Still , I suppose it fits . " He took off the waist - coat and handed it to Fanna . The other Driss put it on . " Yes . " Jerrick said . He didn 't know if he meant to say that or if he was merely trying to appear brave . Still , he had no other choice . " Let 's go . " Fanna made his way up the hill , and Jerrick was not far behind . Jerrick satyed hidden in the shadows as Fanna stepped in front of the cave opening and shouted . " I am Jerrick , son of Merrick ! ! Come and get me ! ! " Thankfully , it worked , and the Tresser took off after the Driss as he ran back down off the hillside . Jerrick went to the cave opening and peeked inside . At first , he saw nothing . He did see where Kerrick lay tied up , but he did not see any Trow or Tresser . Jerrick tip toed into the cave , hoping that he was right and he would not find his enemy in there . He made his way over to where Kerrick lay , and tried to untie him , but he was grabbed from behind and thrown aside . Jerrick hit the wall hard as he was tossed across the room . It too a bit for him to regain his air . When he had , he looked up to see a Trow towering over him with his brother Kerrick in its arms and and a knife to the Driss 's throat . Jerrick tried to get to his feet , but the Trow kicked him in the gut . " I suggest you stay down , my small friend . You will not be rescuing anyone . " Jerrick lay still as the Trow took a step back , holding his brother tightly , and the knife close to his skin . So close that a bead of blood was escaping from a small cut . " As you see , I have your prince . I just wait for my Tresser to come back with your king . Or maybe they were mistaken . Maybe this rat at my feet is a king and the other Driss was merely a decoy ? Thinking is not something the Tresser do especially well . However I can see in you what I need to . The elegance , regality . " Once again , Jerrick tried to get to his feet . He was able to , but he could make no move against this creature , not while it held Kerrick . Plus the creature stood about three heads taller than Jerrick . Driss were small people . Not as small as gnomes or halflings , but small , nonetheless . Kerrick 's feet were held high off the ground . " You know the answers to these questions . " The Trow said . " The Driss are an abomination that must be wiped from this world . We will do this . " The Trow tossed Kerrick aside , the Driss landed with a thud on the hard rock below . The Trow lifted its knife and attacked Jerrick . Jerrick was just able to fend it off with a sword hastily drawn . But the Trow was strong than him and incredibly fast . He would not hold out for long against this creature . He dodged blow after blow , attempting to stay out of the way of the Trow 's blade , but he was finally struck in the left shoulder , and fell to the ground with a cry . With a triumphant look on its face , the Trow lifted his sword , ready for the death - blow . And then it stopped , mid - swing . The bloody tip of a sword protruded from its chest . The Trow dropped the knife and fell forward . its was dead . Kerrick was the one who had struck the blow . He walked up behind the Trow and pulled the sword out of its back . " It 's so very wise of them to just leave weapons lying about . " Kerrick said with a smile . He helped Jerrick up . Jerrick was pained , but he knew that they had to move . " We have to get out of here . " He said to his brother . Kerrick nodded and they ran from that place and waited for Fanna 's return . Fanna arrived soon after with reinforcements , and the knowledge that all the Tresser in the band had been killed . It was over . Back at the palace , Kerrick sat with Jerrick in the kitchen . The two of them liked the kitchen because it seemed that it was so much more private than the banquet hall . They sat and ate together and drank and talked about everything . And then the conversation got serious . Jerrick thought about it . Then he realized that he hadn 't really thought about it . He just assumed that Kerrick would accept the assignment . " No , I didn 't think of that . Are you saying you do not wish to go ? " Kerrick gave a nervous laugh and said , " I don 't know . It 's a heavy decision to make . And you 're just kind of springing it on me . Have you told anyone else ? " " I think you 're the only man for the job . You 're a Driss prince , one of the last of the royal line ! They will trust you , Kerrick . " It was a bit unfair , Jerrick knew . He had given Kerrick basically no other choice . His brother nodded . " If this is what you want , then I will go . " Scenes from Harold Godwinson Hello and thank you for reading . I have finally finished my screenplay , Harold Godwinson , and I thought I would share a few scenes with my lovely followers and people I thought might be interested . They are chronologically in order , but there are , of course , scenes that come before and after each of these . I will go ahead and give a little explanation . Harold is the son of Godwin who was the Earl of Wessex in Britain . When Godwin dies , Harold takes up the title of Earl of Wessex as he is Godwin 's second son and heir . In January of 1066 , Harold was crowned King Harold II of Britain . His fate is legend and I wanted to bring his story to the screen . His encounters with William Duke of Normandy would shape the history of Britain as the Anglo - Saxon kings were laid to rest , and the Anglo - Norman kings began to rise with William the Conqueror . The scenes are as follows . The first scene is with Harold as he is just getting to know his consort , Edith of Essex . He had to meet , and fall in love with Edith fairly quickly because their relationship is an important cornerstone that runs throughout the story . I thought it was a good scene to lead with because everyone loves a love scene . Harold and Edith had an interesting love story that will conflict with what must be done when he become king and must marry a suitable wife . Scene 3 Harold 's brother Tostig is the 3rd most powerful man in Britain after King Edward and Harold who is still Earl of Wessex . He has abused his privilege and has taxed the people to the point of rebellion . He is called on his crimes and looks to Harold for help . Edith 's MAID is helping to comb Edith 's hair . Edith wears her long white night gown . There is a large fire in the fireplace , and the large bed sits over not far to the side of that . The door quietly opens , and Harold steps in . William sits in his chair and Harold comes into the hall . He walks to the front of the hall and bows to William . The hall is littered with the ADVISERS of William , and at least two PRIESTS stand near the dais . Perhaps you are not as honorable a man as I thought . Perhaps your whole family are dishonorable . If that be so , then maybe the life of your brother is not that important , seeing as he is probably dishonorable as well . A life without honor is no life at all , and therefore , has no right to be . Prove yourself , and I will know . Swear that you will tell the Witan to choose me . That is very good of you , Harold , Earl of Wessex . However , both you and I know that an oath made under duress is one that is not required of one to fulfill . So I thought you should see what is in this chest . Come here . No , I 'm sure you will see that they actually do . One cannot go against God . It is he who holds this oath and will see it fulfilled . Do your duty , sir , or pay the consequences . I don 't know about that . I have become rather fond of him , and he is quite useful to have around . You may leave , but he must stay . Good day to you , Earl of Wessex . Safe journey home . King Edward sits upon his throne with Queen Edith by his side . On either side of him , lords are seated upon benches . On the kings right hand side are the old Lords of the Witan , and on his left hand side are the Thanes , and the representatives from across the lands . Before him stands a very well dressed Tostig , Morcar , Edwin and Harold . Tostig Godwinson , Earl of Northumbria . You have been called here to face allegations of abuse of your power at the expense of the people . What say you , sir ? Abuse of power ? The expense of the people ? That is just not so , your majesty . I have done all in my power to care for the people . Then why did your people ask us to step in and investigate ? I think the proof of the allegations are clear . Those are hardly practicle and modest garments , Earl of Northumbria . The Thanes and others of the region give their testimony . In the end , there is no doubt . Tostig is clearly guilty and everyone knows it . Harold gives his brother a sad look . My king . The Witan finds that guilt is undeniable . The Earl of Northumbria , Tostig Godwinson , is guilty of the crimes of which he has been accused . You may now pass judgement . Very good . Tostig , Earl of Northumbria . You no longer have a right to that title , and it will be handed over to Morcar of Mercia , along with your estate and all other holdings . You are banished . Leave now . Edward lies upon his bed , Queen Edith stands beside it , holding his hand and weeping . When Harold arrives , she looks up at him and beckons for both he and Lerith . The rush over to her . The king goes limp . King Edward The Confessor has died , and his wife dissolves in tears as Harold holds her . A few tears come to his eyes as well . In a dark chamber , lit by fires and torches , the men of the Witan gather . A group of Twenty men , all old and bearded sit in the room at a long table . The three most senior are Lerith , ANGAR , and KERRIK . The three men will control the proceedings . He is still not an Englishman . He is a Norwegian King , and does not belong here . The people would see him as an invader , not a king . I wish to get this out of the way . Both King Edward and Harold Earl of Wessex have asked to put forward the name of William , Duke of Normandy . I would like to suggest someone else . Harold Godwinson , Earl of Wessex and Brother - in - law to the king . He is an Englishman and a nobleman , and the people already love and respect him . While most of the fans seemed to have calmed , some in the media still seem to be out for blood when it comes to the Poldark episode 8 " rape scene " . I would highly recommend that they let it go due to their sensationalizing it and due to the fact that they are slightly putting it out of context . Whether of not it was or was not rape is up to the viewer , and I cannot make that determination for them and they cannot make that determination for me . However , what we can do is go over the scene and some thing that may have bearing on what happens in the scene . First of all , language has changed since the 1940s and 50s when the books were written . It certainly has since the 18th century when the books are set . Language had quite a few more subtleties than it does today , and meaning for some things has certainly changed . No still means no , but in a second you will see what I am getting at . So Ross has had a bad couple of days . In all truth I don 't think I have seen that character be good at anything . He was bad at delinquency , soldiering , mining , and now being a husband . Still we were sort of willing to forgive all that because he was sort of the champion for the common man , and there were few enough of those in that era . He represented the man who was willing to fight for the common man . He did some really stupid things in order to do some but did so nonetheless . So we have Ross and his " bad days " . He then learns that his former love , Elizabeth , is about to marry his mortal enemy ( yes , he has mortal enemies . I wonder if he keeps a list like Sheldon Cooper ? ) George Warleggen . He is incensed by this because he knows that Elizabeth is doing this just to raise his ire . So he goes to her house in the dead of night and starts banging on the doors . It would have been good at that point if she had gone down stairs and met him in the drawing room if she didn 't want him in her bedroom . She knew he was there , heard him clearly , was not worried that he was there . Even Aunt Agatha knew he was there . So things might have played out differently if she had gone down to meet him . Then he goes up stairs and finds her in her room . He does not come in at first , she tells him to wait while she gets a candle and they go down stairs . However , he comes in . She does not stop him . If she had wanted him out of there she would have said something to the point of , " What , are you deaf from banging your head on rocks too many times in the mine ? ! Downstairs ! " If she had said that he probably would have gotten the message . He still would have been angry , but it would have played out differently . Then she challenges him . And we 'll get to other challenges in a minute , but this is at least the second one . She asks his if he would do anything to keep her from being a widow for many long years ? Note that her mother had just suffered a stroke , her husband had just died , and Ross was her first love . A man she probably would have married if she had known he was coming back from the war ( the American Revolution ) . Basically she is saying , " will you provide for me and my child , despite the fact that you are still married ? " That in itself is scandalous since she is suggesting that he either divorce or commit adultery , neither of which people in the era , or god at the time would look kindly upon . Then their frustrations boil over , he kisses her and she doesn 't respond well . She says , " you would not dare . " Now what is the operative word we need to be looking at there , kids ? That 's right , " dare " . A dare is a challenge , and this is in fact the third challenge she has given him . And probably when she says dare , it really means , " I wonder if he will ? " Let 's talk about these challenges for a moment . The first one was where she tells him , " downstairs " and he comes into the bedroom anyway . That 's the first , " I wonder if he will ? " The second is when she encourages him to be her mate , " I wonder if he will ? " The third is when she says , " you would not dare . " Yes this is a challenge , it is also quite different from , " no , I don 't want to " , or , " please don 't , I don 't want to , " or in fact anything like that . The he throws her on the bed and starts kissing her and she kisses him passionately and continually back . That doesn 't happen with rape . It would be at this point that she would try and push him off , kick him , bite him , scream for Aunt Agatha who has a gun , or could certainly go out and find help . Aunt Agatha knows what 's happening ! She 's basically in the next room ! So what I see is a man and a woman engaging in what happens after years of watching and wanting . Suffering ad frustration . Acknowledging that they would have been with each other if things had been different . This isn 't the terrible thing some think it is . It 's people being human , for goodness sake ! The the next day Ross gets his freakin ' pants on , and they have a perfectly rational conversation about the consequences of THEIR actions . A lot of what I see on Elizabeth 's face there is guilt . She has had sex with a man she 's not married to , she 's caused her former love to commit adultery ( both taboos and no - nos ) , and they have both betrayed Ross 's wife , Demelza who lost her first child caring for Elizabeth and her family when they were ill . Recently I was in a Twittersation ( yes , that 's what I call them ) , where I found something really , really offensive and sort of went off . Someone later said to me , " don 't be so reactive , you lose your voice " . This is very much true . While you may be a voice for women and rape victims , as I am , you can have a voice and be involved and helpful . However no one wants to hear a voice that is shouting rabidly in their ear . It doesn 't work out well and then no one listens to you because you 're just annoying . Another thing that we need to be wary of is that when people find something offensive , that when a really dirty word comes into play . What 's that dirty word , kids ? * puts hand to ear and listens intently * That 's right , censorship ! The road to censorship is a slippery slope . Once it begins , it 's not pretty . When we go back to the days of abridging and burning books because they 're " offensive " . When we lose shows like Outlander , Game of Thrones , The Waling dead , even Supernatural , because they 're considered " offensive " . If there is anything we have learned from Russia , China , North Korea and other countries like it , it 's censorship = bad . I am not saying that your point of view is invalid , I am not saying that you don 't have the right to feel the way you do . All I ask is that people have the same respect for me . Also the scene is ambiguous . There are several ways in which it can be interpreted . There 's not just your way , and you should just take the word of media sensationalism . In all truth I am not a great fan of Poldark . I find it exceedingly boring at times , but I felt I still had to speak . Thank you for listening .
|
He 'd had enough . James had decided to end it all here , deep in the woods where he wouldn 't be found . He was to take his own inconsequential life … that is , until he saw the strange growth on the woodland floor . At first he thought it was a puffball fungus but upon closer inspection he realised he was looking at a healthy growing brain . After a brief hesitation , James decided on a change of mind , opening the top of his skull and swapping his old brain for the new one . The effect was immediate ; the world became a place of new , exciting possibilities ; everything was beautiful . James was ready to live again . All he needed to do was retrieve some memories , PIN numbers and passwords from his old mind … but it had gone . Vanished . Some mindless idiot must 've stolen it . What possible use . . ? A shot rang out , bark splintered from a nearby tree . A second bullet also narrowly missed him . These were not warning shots . James ran erratically , pursued by bullets and the laughter of his unseen tormentor . James never left the woods . Instead he stays in hiding , clinging to life , living every moment in fear , knowing that one day his old mind will kill him . I think about how I used to be and marvel at the fact I 'm still alive . Perhaps that 's hyperbole but it 's not all the far off the mark . I was so blind to so much , barely knowing what I was doing from day to day , totally unaware of all of the other souls the inhabited the same space I lived in . I thought I knew all about my world . That was before the change . It started , for me at least , with an advertisement for volunteers in a new drug experiment . It was supposed to just boost your senses for a bit and was going to be used for people with conditions that dampened them . It was a chance to just hang out , read , report any effects , and get $ 1500 . I wasn 't poor by any means , but $ 1500 for a weekend of doing nothing was too good to pass up . I called , went to the lab for an interview and some tests , and I was in . To say that the drug worked , at least on me , is something of a misstatement . It did enhance my senses temporarily , but it was something else that occurred later , perhaps a side effect that mattered . Somehow I made contact with everything , everyone around me . I felt them as if they were inside my head . It wasn 't telepathy , or even empathy . There 's not really a word for it except perhaps awareness . When the weekend ended I reported the temporary enhancement , took my check , and headed home . I hadn 't slept well in the bunk beds they provided so I went to bed almost as soon as I got into my apartment . When I woke up the following Monday morning , everything was different . I could feel every bit of my own body , hear the blood rushing along in my veins , the sound of my heartbeat , and the creak of tendons when I stood up and stretched . The sun in the window had a texture like old , soft muslin when I put my hand in the rays coming through the panes . It was amazing but I was still enough of the old me to ignore it . I got dressed , trying not to be distracted by the story I felt in the fabrics of my clothes , the cotton being picked and plucked from its boll , combed , stretched , spun into thread , woven into a bolt and then cut and sown to become my t - shirt , my jeans , even my underwear . I was aware . I made it to work somehow . I did my job , managing the network for the company , learning more and more about everything , everyone . Even when I took the time to think about it I was never frightened by what I learned . It was all like a story that is written as it must be , things fitting neatly into their niches . It was a pattern and I was only aware of a small part of it . I had to learn more . Since then I 've been something of a vagabond . I wander the world , going anywhere as long as I haven 't already been there , more and more of that pattern fixed in my mind . I wish I could share it . It 's so complex yet so pure and simple but I can 't express it with words or images . When I try people think I am ' touched ' or somehow not right in the mind . Yet I cannot stop . I must continue to fill in the pattern until it 's complete . I know there 's a message there for me , perhaps for all of us , so I will move on again , always seeking , always learning , always … . . aware . Charlie set out from home at seven o ' clock on the dot , as he always did on a Friday evening . He walked to the end of the road , turned right and went another 20 yards or so until he reached the bus - stop . Five minutes later the number 35 came along and he got on , climbed up to the top deck and flopped his 6 foot 2 frame down on a seat . At the very same time , Sharon was in her bathroom , rushing to get her make up on . She was running late because old Mr Jeffers had found her some extra work to do just before she left the office ; she could have sworn he did it on purpose . No time to dwell on it , though , if she was to get the bus into town and meet up with her friends for a typical Friday night out - too much drink , a bit of snogging , maybe some untidy love down a side alley . She finished brushing her hair and skipped down the stairs . Charlie leaned his blond head on the window and gazed out at the people going about their eve - of - weekend business - some lugging heavy bags of shopping , some still in their office suits hurrying home , others obviously on their way out . He 'd meet up with his mates , they 'd crawl a few pubs , drink too much , maybe engage in a bit of snogging with complete strangers , possibly get as far as a quick shag down a side alley . But as he projected in his mind the expected events of the evening to come , a wave of ennui , mixed with disgust , passed through him . Sharon felt more aware than normal of the couples on the street , arm - in - arm or hand - in - hand , and there seemed to be more of them than usual … or perhaps that was just her imagination . As she walked along the busy street towards the bus - stop , occasionally having to step into the road to dodge an oncoming couple , she remembered her dream of the night before : she 'd been in a crowded bar with her friends , laughing and drinking , when the door had opened and in strode a tall , blond man with the face of an angel . He looked around the bar as if he were searching for someone , and his crystal - blue eyes rested on her . She shuddered as she remembered the thrill of that dreamt moment , then realised that back in the real world she 'd stopped and was standing in the middle of the pavement , smiling like a lunatic . She continued on her way , walking a little faster now , and arrived at the bus - stop to wait for the number 35 into town . Some of Charlie 's mates had got on the bus and were now sat on the seats near him . A couple of them had already been drinking and were uncomfortably raucous for so early in the evening . Their conversation turned to women ; they began bragging about what they 'd done the weekend before , and what they 'd do later in the evening . Charlie listened but turned his clear blue eyes back to the street , focussing on a couple walking hand - in - hand alongside the slow - moving bus , laughing , clearly in love . He looked back at his mates , made a decision and got up . Sharon saw the bus coming and held out her arm . When the doors opened she was searching in her bag for her bus pass and didn 't see the tall , blond man jump off , brushing past her before hurrying away into the night . Sharon swiped her pass over the scanner and climbed up to the top deck , where she was met with whistles and lewd comments from a group of young men , some apparently drunk already . She was used to this but her heart still sank ; it was going to be a Friday night like any other . " You tell her before the baby is born . She is prepared then . Or . . " Peggie paused to inspect an annoying anomaly in her new shellac nails . There was a short dark hair imprisoned in the red lacquer . " You tell her after the baby is born . You tell her that it 's over . " " You tell her you think she will not carry full term . She is forty eight after all . Many IVF babies don 't carry full term . Sad , but in a way it will be a plus for both of you . She won 't have a child to raise alone . You 'll be free of her and any child she could bear . " " Oh , believe me Joel , I 've been giving it all my attention lately . You 're in a big mess . " Peggie took a nail file out of her purse and carefully filed the uneven edge of another nail . She had paid $ 65 hard earned $ for this dodgy nail job which annoyed her immensely . Joel 's problems paled in comparison . " I know . She could go to immigration , Then , … there goes my permanent resident visa ! " " Joel , bullshit . She will not . It 'll mean putting the father of her baby in prison . If the baby survives . Tell her now . She may miscarry with the shock . She 's too old to have a baby anyway . A healthy baby , that is . I 'll give you babies . Lots of ' em . " Peggie leaned across to massage his upper thigh vigorously . " Strong healthy babies too . " " Ouch . Careful . " Peggie still had the nail file clutched in her hand and she 'd inadvertently poked him in a tender spot on his crotch " Can you get that thing away from me ? " Joel leaned back in his seat . " Ok , I 'll call her tonight . She 's goin ' to the obstetrician today . " " She didn 't really believe you 'd go to that small hick town , did she ? " Peggie put the nail file away in her bag and got up to go . " Ok . " Peggie leaned forward to plant a wet kiss on his mouth just as he was lifting the beer glass to his mouth . She missed and caught the corner of his nose leaving a red lipstick mark . She giggled . " What 's so funny ? " Joel looked annoyed . " You got lippy on your nose , lover boy . " She quickly pulled a tissue out and wiped it off . " Here . " Satisfied his nose was now unblemished , she planted a lingering kiss full on his mouth . " Gotta get back to work . See ya tonight after work . Gimme good news . " " Joel , what do you mean ? I thought we 'd it all worked out ? I 'd start work at my new school . Work six months . Then at eight months pregnant , I 'll take maternity leave for six months . Then I 'll go back to work part - time for a few years . Three days a week . " Lara was feeling tense . The future which had recently seemed so good and so secure now seemed to have turned into a brick wall . " Look , Lara , it is just not the right time . Don 't go crazy on me . I 've got things to tie up here . " " You said end of March . Now you 're saying ' maybe May ? ' What 's going on Joel ? " Lara was developing a splitting head and she could feel her heartbeat accelerating as her chest tightened . She had a pile of papers for year 11 Ancient History to mark , next week 's lessons to prepare for four English classes that included a senior class , and to write the exam for the year 10 practice School Certificate . She had been looking forward to having Joel as company , sharing meals and household chores and for protection . Would - be thieves had killed one of her two dogs three weeks ago . She had gone shopping the end of the first week 's school in Leeton . The husky was hunched whining at the end of the back yard when she returned . Seeing the car pull in , the husky ran to the gate , then lifted her muzzle and howled . " Hello Bobi dog . Where 's Beni boy ? " Beni who had been a rescue dog , was nowhere in sight . She called and called . Very unusual . He was a pit bull blue heeler cross and very protective of her . Four months pregnant , she even got down clumsily on her hands and knees and peered into the storage space below the house and called . No answer . " Hi I 'm Ron . Work for the council animal welfare . Found a dog with a microchip dead in a back yard at 28 King Street , Narrandera . It 's got a broken neck . It 's got this number listed as the owner . You in Sydney ? " " Could you bring him to 36 King Street tomorrow . I want to say goodbye . I 'd bury him but I am pregnant and had a bleed . Not allowed do heavy lifting . " " Thank you so much . " Lara hung up from the phone and tried not to sob . Her mother 'd been talking to her that very day , telling her how important it was not to cry or be depressed while pregnant as that could affect the baby . " Look . Lately you 're making too many problems . I 'm thinking our marriage 's finished . It 's over . Ok . I 'm not moving from Sydney . " The ruling was given in its concise structure but I wasn 't listening , I was beyond listening . My life as I knew it was over , forever smeared , like black paint palmed across a white wall . Tomorrow I 'll be in all the newspapers , my face a permanent marker on history , a blight on our society . Years from now , kids will Google the crime , the trial , the judgement , and know it was me . As I think about the steps that landed me in this mess , a numbness courses through my body . I 'm not sure I will be able to stand when I need to , although I 'm positive someone will haul me to my feet when the time comes to leave on my walk of shame . I 'll be booed and heckled and if I was really lucky , someone would choose to throw a bullet in my direction instead of just threats . I squeeze my eyes shut as the screaming of the crowd explodes around me . The gavel comes down multiple times followed by a stern warning , but it is ignored . The world will hear what they have to say and no one is going to stop them . I have caused this madness . I don 't want this life . " I take it back , " I scream to myself , " I change my mind . " But my pleas go unanswered . There will be no miracle that saves me , no one there to forgive me . Sickness fills my stomach and I can feel life wash away from my face . I can hear the heavy footsteps of the guard approaching now , the jangle of keys , the odour of tuna on his breath surrounding me , enveloping me . I am lost in the abyss of sensory overload . I use the table to slowly pull myself to my feet and turn to the crowd . Fingers are being thrown in my direction with a silenced barrage . Another smash of the gavel rings in my ears and I clumsily straighten my tie , swaying unsteadily on the spot like a drunk . I think back to last minute , last week , last month when this damn trial began . How I wished it was different . Further now to last year . Every decision I 've made in the last five years , ten years , all a stepping stone to the next fork in the road . But it doesn 't matter how much thinking I do , nothing will change the fact that it took the jury less than four hours for the verdict to be realised and my fate sealed . If I wasn 't hated before , I am now . And as much as I would like to blame the jurors , I will forever be known as the lawyer that got Max Burton off a murder charge that was so cut and dry , so rock solid that one reporter once stated that ' a monkey could try this case and still convict that monster ' . I am the one that spun the truth into a tightly wound ball of possibilities and then stretched it out again to make an alternate reality . And it will be all of us who have to live with the fact that a heartless killer is on the streets . I look over to the grieving family . Their hugs and cries stab at me . The prosecutor stares at me and I can 't tell whether its hatred or worry or her own regret . I slide my briefcase off the table and begin my wade through the masses , a security guard in front to hold them back , my client close behind eager to taste freedom . The question startled Frankie out of her daydream . She looked at the person who asked the question - an older gentleman on the downhill side of sixty , with a friendly face , and wearing a Scottish tweed hat , and a plaid jacket with patches on the elbows , like some college professor . She stared at him dumbfounded because , one , she wasn 't alright , and two , not one person until now even noticed . " Todd Baker was the manager . He was an asshole who spent most of his time avoiding customers . Todd came over , and glared at Frankie . " Sorry for the inconvenience , sir . Frankie give the customer the sale price . " Todd smiled at her , it was his ' don 't call me out here again , ' smile . Todd didn 't defend her . He didn 't say ' Frankie did the right thing , she can 't give you the sale price once the sale is over , only a manager can . ' No , he just laughed , and let that bastard insult her to boot . Frankie decided , Todd would be the first one she would shoot . Frankie was about to answer the stranger 's question , but Todd came out at just the wrong moment and said , " Frankie , let 's get a move on . You 're so damned slow - as usual . " Then he apologized to the customers . Frankie was often left to handle the rush all alone . She was the one who had to deal with the angry shoppers just getting off work , who didn 't want to wait in a long line . Todd always put her in that position , while he and the others took their breaks in back . She looked at the kind stranger , then at Todd , slowly pulled the gun from underneath her smock , and fired it at her manager . The bullet just grazed Todd 's shoulder , but it knocked him off his feet . " You bitch ! " he screamed , " You shot me , you bitch ! " Customers were terrified , and running for the door . Frankie told another cashier to lock it , " And don 't try and leave or I 'll shoot you too ! " She shouted . The gentleman at the register , the one who asked if she were okay , never took his eyes off of Frankie . Finally he said , " Guess you aren 't alright . " Then he did the unthinkable in a situation like this - he smiled . " Hey , hold on … Frankie is it ? I 'm Robert Shirley - everyone calls me Mr . Shirley . " He smiled again , and Frankie thought it odd that his tone was so lighthearted . " So far my dear , you haven 't killed anyone , let 's keep it that way , shall we ? " Just then Todd began screaming again . " You shot me ! I 'm going to make sure you spend the rest of your miserable life in prison ! I 'm - " " Look at me Frankie , just me . " Mr . Shirley 's smile was soothing , his voice calmed her . They could hear sirens coming closer , and Robert Shirley watched as Frankie 's eyes darted back and forth between him , the frightened customers , Todd , and the ever mounting police presence outside . Frankie nodded , and Mr . Shirley helped usher the customers and the rest of the employees out the door . Frankie thought he would go too ; that he only promised to stay so she wouldn 't shoot anyone . ' Once he leaves , ' she thought , ' I 'll just end it all . ' But he didn 't leave . He stayed until Frankie was ready to surrender to police . " Come out with your hands up ! " police demanded . " Let 's go my dear . " Mr . Shirley said , " Don 't worry , I won 't leave you . " The media called Mr . Shirley a hero , but he would have none of it . " Nonsense , " he told them , " I am merely a friend . All she needed was a friend . " Renette SteeleOctober 18 , 2016 at 12 : 26 amPermalink I had a story all thought out to write for this theme . A really good one . Sat down to write it , total blank . Just couldn 't figure out where to start , so I 've changed my mind a half dozen times now . After all it is a women 's prerogative to change her mind right ? The deadline has burst in on me once again . There was this guy who was so super educated in the bible doctrine , Rev . Dr . something with all these initials following his name . They actually spelled out the word demon . I am not sure what they all stood for , it really doesn 't matter . A group of hard working , illiterate gents , started following this other fellow . Saying things against what the guy above thought he knew . It really upset him . So he helped get a law passed to legally stop these nuts . After all they didn 't know anything like he did , his titles proved that . So , Amy was sick and tired of her parents . They just didn 't understand her . " Gee , were they so old they couldn 't remember how to have fun any more ? Did they totally forget what it was like to be a kid ? Maybe I should run away to the circus . " Beth Anne worried about Amy . Didn 't she understand they loved her so much ? They 've been there . done that and only want to spare her from making the same stupid mistakes . Why couldn 't she do what they asked without a fight , just this once ? Maybe Beth Anne could still run away and join the circus . Oh , Wait this is the circus . No , no , that won 't do . NO real place for it to go . Until Amy grows up and discovers maybe mom and dad know a little something after all . My mind seems to be a pin ball machine on full tilt . Remember that crazy guy with all the doctorates ? Maybe I should revisit him . He had many followers . Those who believed his titles gave him an edge over them . One day a young man 's picture showed up in the paper . The secretary knew she had to show the article to the Rev . Dr . . He reacted much like she expected . " This is an outrage ! He can 't be allowed anywhere near this campus . " He looked at her . " It 's our job to protect these children . You did the right thing . I 'll take care of it . " Nope still not going where I want it too . Paul 's conversion got lost somewhere . Maybe Amy again . No I don 't know where to take that one . They were all packed and headed out for a warm sunny vacation . Away from all this snow and cold . For most of the drive the scenery was gorgeous . When they 'd hit a stretch of bad weather and roads . Darcy would go to sleep . Somewhere along the route , while she was sleeping things came to a stand still . Darcy awoke to a blanket of whiteness . Her husband said . " Roads closed . We are stuck here for awhile . " He studied the map and adjusted the radio . Listening for any news . After a time . " If we can get to this turn off we can cut across to here . Then things should clear up . " He told her while tracing the route on the map . " Uh , yea . Okay . whatever you think dear . " she mumbled as she keep reading . They were able to inch forward . Visibility only a foot or so in front of them . He spotted a sign and turned down the narrow road . Seeing a semi doing the same . He said , " it should only be an hour out of the way . We will be fine . " But they soon lost track of the semi . They crept along . After about three hours things seemed to get worse . He could no longer see the road , only a looming snow bank . Their tracks already covered over . Even if they could turn around they wouldn 't know where to go . They sat in the car conserving on energy and food . Starting the car for five minutes every hour to help keep the chill off . Bundling together in one sleeping bag . They pulled out all of Darcy 's nylons and put them on for warmth . Finally he decided after the third day he needed to walk out for help . No , No . That 's to real . The folks who got lost in Utah . Besides the couple wound up dying . No real change of mind there . Maybe I should skip this one . Can 't do that I want to write ! But what ? Nothing concert is coming . So I will submit these ramblings . They won 't make any sense . Certainly noting worth voting for . But hey , I am a writer . I must write . Or maybe I should forget the whole thing and find a new avenue . Adult coloring is fun . Doodling relaxes me . But writing is freeing . There you have it , my mind on over drive . I must write a story this week . Jean ShriverOctober 18 , 2016 at 8 : 22 amPermalink The handsome couple dated for six months . One day she announced , " I can 't believe it , but I 'm pregnant . " She looked up into his blue eyes with a tremulous smile . When he frowned , she quickly added , , " Don 't worry . I 'll take care of it . " A week later , the man felt bad about the way he 'd walked away from his . girlfriend at a tough time in her life . He missed her and wanted to apologize for being insensitive . After all , she was not only a sweetheart , she was gorgeous . He phoned her . No answer . Phone disconnected . He shrugged , smiled and moved on . No need to get hung up on one woman . Plenty of beautiful girls in the world . Eighteen years later , that same man is wandering downtown . His dark hair is now sparse and graying , his paunch substantial . At almost fifty , he 's just split with his third wife . As she left , she yelled , . " If you have to be a bastard , you could at least be a rich bastard . " He sighs , wondering why nothing in his life has turned out the way he planned . Not in business , not in romance . He feels like his bad luck started on the day he split up with his first steady girlfriend . He remembers how her rich chestnut hair fell to her shoulders in curls , how her hazel eyes glowed when she was happy . He sure doesn 't have much to show for all the years between then and now . . He looks into the window of a sporting goods store and remembers the time when he went running every morning , when his stomach was taut and his legs firm . He runs a hand over his thinning hair and sees reflected in the glass a tremor in that hand . . Too much booze , he thinks . Gotta cut down . A couple of teenage boys rush out of the store , shoving each other and laughing . They remind him of himself at that age , no worries , no responsibilities . Good looking fellows too . Dark curly hair and blue eyes . . Same height , same noses . Must be twins . Curious , the man turns and there she is . No mistaking her . Long hair still that bright chestnut color , figure still trim . When she sees the boys , her walk turns into a run . . She enfolds them in her arms . They are all talking and laughing at the same time . " Aw c ' mon , " he says . " They look exactly like I did at that age . " Pleading , " They 're mine , aren 't they ? " They say you see your life in a flash , or like a film in front of your eyes when your last moment approaches . I have seen it once , on that terrible day . Will I see it now ? When I was a girl , about seven years old , I was often alone . My parents were away most of the day , working , to make ends meet . Today I know they loved me . Back then I was not sure . My father drank a lot , too much . He didn 't abuse us , but I was often afraid . Still , I loved him . One day the police came for him . He must have been in a fight . I did not understand what they were talking , just that they were going to take him away . I ran and clutched his leg . They pulled at me , but I wouldn 't let go . Tears ran down my cheeks . I screamed in despair . My world was ending . They did not take him that day . My mother was good to me but she worked a lot . I was so alone . The only one to talk to was Lala , my little cat . But cats have a mind of their own . They don 't belong to people . They belong to the house . So most of the time she 'd rather be left alone . I once saw a man hit by a car . He fell and lay silent , as if asleep . Someone covered his body with a blanket and an ambulance came and took him away . I remember his face . It was was peaceful . Finally I could not stand my life anymore . The past was all grey and the future too . I had no dreams and no hope . The silence suffocated me and I saw no end to it . I did not want to jump in front of a car , because people would see me . So I thought I 'd jump from the bridge by the river . It was a high one . I felt good about that . When I opened the door to get on my way , Lala stood at my feet , watching . I didn 't know what to make of it , but when I stepped into the hallway Lala clutched my foot . " Lala go back , " I said but she wouldn 't let go . I tried to shake her off , but she clung to my foot . When I finally pulled free her claws left scratch marks on my skin . Tiny drops of blood emerged . The blood pulled me out of my stupor while Lala just stood there with her innocent eyes . I bent down and this time she would let me take her . I don 't know if she understood but in that one moment we had met , somewhere in the heart , I guess . When I thought clearly again I felt wrong for a time . To relieve my conscience I told my mother about it all . For a minute she fell silent . Then she clutched me and cried . She told me that she loved me , how much I meant to her and didn 't I know that ? I was all her life . We sat in silence , I in her embrace . At peace . I changed my mind that day . Our life did not improve but that day I decided I would not live for myself . I would live for others . I think that is an unusual decision for a seven - year - old but love can do that . I grew up . I left my country , travelled the world . I made many friends . I like people , I like to do things for others . It is my greatest strength . I met a good man , fell in love , married . It was a good time . Long enough to remember . We grew with each other , through good and bad times . The memory still hurts , the loss seems unbearable . And there was Krista - what agony to even think her name . The ground seems to approach at higher speed now . The distance has shrunk to 3000 feet . I maneuver , turn to face the sky - a bit unstable but not bad . There 's Terry 's Cessna . He has taken me up for this last jump . It took some persuading but he finally agreed - for old times ' sake and because I assured him I 'd be okay . I wonder what he thinks now . " I should have told Terry about Lala , " I think . " So he doesn 't worry . " Back then , with Lala , I changed my mind for good . I pull the release , hear the flutter of silk as my chute opens . The deceleration makes me dizzy , just a bit . I 'm clearly out of practice . I look downward . The landing will be something of a challenge , because the accident that took my husband and my daughter also took most of my right leg . But if I roll off nicely there shouldn 't be a problem . Still , I decided this would be my last jump , a marker between the past and whatever comes next . I watch the sky . For a long time . I finally decide : there will be other jumps , other markers , down the road - wherever it leads . Carrie ZylkaOctober 19 , 2016 at 10 : 47 amPermalink Thank you writers for participating this week ! This thread is now closed and it 's time to vote ! Remember you must vote in order for your story to qualify , and you Cannot vote for yourself . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
|
My fingers finished typing the last few words of Log Five , " The Sender " . I shook my head . I just couldn 't believe it . I 'd finally met The Sender . And he had looked , normal . I don 't know what I 'd been expecting him to look like - maybe some big and hideous scarred - up face monster holding a laptop - but never a human with a hood . Oh , right . I hit save and uploaded the article . The Creepypasta page now had one more Log in its collection . Five down , two to go . A quick recap of what happened after Log Five . ( I know you 're probably wondering why I 'm inserting information like this , but I don 't care . I 've been through enough already . ) Moments after I lost consciousness I awoke in bed . It was 7 : 00 P . M . and it was still the 23rd . The Sender had put me back just before the Rake had visited me . While I 'm grateful it gave me time to write down the Log , I wish I 'd not woken up . The Rake had been the last straw . The others before it had been bearable , but this had been different . I no longer felt ready to face these nightmares . I no longer felt as brave as I had when Jeff had shown up or as witty as I had when B . O . B . had been defeated . I only felt emptiness . Best not to dwell on what can 't be changed ; now get up , get moving and get ready . There 's going to be another visitor soon and self - pity isn 't going to help . ( But knowing that doesn 't make things any easier . ) I went to my computer and logged onto the Creepypasta page . The freak had warned me yesterday that whenever he called , I should answer , so I decided to do one better . Call him . I crossed my arms and stared at the screen with a blank face . He 'd already drained me of annoyance . There was no need to a show a reaction . I raised an eyebrow . " Surprising ? " I nearly scoffed . " How is that surprising ? You 've made me endure over five days of hell so far , draining me of almost all emotion . " I narrowed my eyes . " You made me see my family get brutally mutilated before my eyes , you made me suffer death three times over , and you made me witness some of the most terrifying creatures ever created in the world of Creepypasta . So I 'll ask again , ' How does my answer , surprise you ? ' " I finished . " You have retained your sanity , which is good , " The Sender continued , ignoring my bafflement . " Most people would have lost it by now and made very poor story driven decisions . That is why I picked you over so many others . And yes , before you ask , I have indeed done this before ; and those sad chosen few were all poor disappointments . " I slowly leaned back in my chair surprised . The Sender had never been this willing to give out any information like this before , nor talk about previous victims . And this " sanity " thing , what did he mean by this ? " Which brings me to you , " he wrote , bringing me back to the present . " A very interesting pick , if I might add , in which I have very much relished in observing . I cannot wait to see how this continues to play out with your next two visitors . " I continued to sit , dumbstruck at what I was reading . He 'd done this before . He 'd caused others to go insane , long before I ever came . I wasn 't just a random pick from the crowd ; I was just the next writer in life for hell incarnate . But , there was something off about all of this . " Because as I said before , you have done what so many other protagonists have failed to do : retain rational thought . The furthest I have seen one go was to her Fourth Log . She was to say in the least , an utter disappointment . Could not handle what she had already read , I suppose . " " So is this what this is all about then ? " I asked . " Giving people stories and then watching them suffer through it all for your … " I paused , and looked for the right word , " amusement ? " Without cost . For some reason , I didn 't like the way that sounded . But then I remembered something he 'd said earlier that didn 't fit . The box cleared , and the cursor blinked for a few solitary seconds , as if The Sender was surprised . " Very good eye , " it wrote a minute later . " But I am not going to tell you , for if you are as interesting as I have hoped you are , you will figure it out . And if you do , then the rest of this story will be very interesting indeed . But alas , I believe we have spoken enough for today . " " What ? ! " the word leapt from my mouth faster than my surprise could . Don 't tell me he 's about to pull this crap on me again ! " NO ! " I yelled . " We 're not done talking at all . " I stood up , placed both hands on my desk and leaned towards the screen . " I . WANT . ANSWERS . TODAY , " I said each word in a quiet , but firm tone . " Hahahahhahaahha . Look at you , thinking you can get answers from me simply by demanding them . Well , I am sorry to disappoint you , J . T . , but there will be no such answers from me , for now anyway . You have to earn your answers as you go along , and you are very close to the ending . " The Sender didn 't stop , " Also , the closer the end comes , the harder it gets . Today 's visitor will be the most interesting thus far . Let us see how well you cope with this encounter . " " CRAP ! " I screamed , throwing the chair aside . I couldn 't believe he 'd done this to me - to give me so much information then to suddenly stop just before all was explained ! " Damn it ! " I muttered as I tried to slow my breathing . I needed to calm down , and figure things out . Being angry would just get me killed . " BEEP ! " the monitor chimed . My eyes flew towards the it . Huh ? What now ? The text box appeared one more time . " Oh , before I go , " it read , " I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed talking to you in person yesterday . Good Bye . " An hour later I sat alone at my kitchen table with all the Logs I had written printed out . The rest of my family had decided to go out for the day . They 'd asked me to go with them , but I told them I couldn 't . I had some work to do . I started circling the places in the Logs where I had spoken with The Sender . He said he 'd given me enough to figure some things out . I just needed to find the clues to piece them together . So I compiled a list . " Okay , " I said to no one in particular . " This is what I have so far : The Sender sends me seven villains from Creepypasta so I can write my very own . " I paused , " But the ones he chooses aren 't random . " I remembered what Mrs . Hudok had told me the day before . I looked back at the first Log . " He starts by sending me Jeff the Killer - a story that I am very familiar with from Creepypasta and is one of my favorites . " I moved to the next Log , " Then he sends Tiny Teri , another story I found interesting and just read the day before Log 2 happened . Not exactly one of my favorites , but pretty damn interesting , nonetheless . " My eyes moved to the next sheet . " Then there 's Eyeless Jack , " I grabbed Log 3 and began to look it over , " Another classic from Creepypasta that I found very interesting . " I looked at the next two remaining Logs . " Then there 's B . O . B . and the Rake which are also classics and are both very terrifying , but I don 't find them very interesting , just creepy . " ( And no , that wasn 't a pun . ) So what 's the connection ? I looked through each of them , detail by detail . The answer was somewhere hiding in plain sight before me . I just couldn 't see it . " Dang it ! What is it that I 'm missing ? " I hollered . " There 's no connection . There 's nothing similar between me and any of the characters . Some of them don 't scare me as much as the others . Jeez ! " I bolted upright in my seat and looked down at the papers scattered on the table . My jaw fell open as it came to me . " Oh , you 've got to be kidding me . That 's the connection ? " Each visitor I had met so far had been from a Creepypasta story that I had previously read in the past . I laughed . Maybe The Sender was right , I might actually be kinda stupid . I hung up , then slid the phone back into my pocket . I stood up and collected my usual stuff before leaving . ( Meaning , I brought my backpack , which still had everything I had packed two days ago in it . Always be prepared , right ? ) I clenched my eyes shut , then lowered my head with a sigh . Well , then , I opened my eyes , first thing 's first , where the hell am I ? I scanned around . I didn 't recognize this neighborhood ; it didn 't look like any of the surrounding towns near my home . The sidewalk I was on was near , what I guessed , was the main road , though I didn 't see any cars driving down it - which , given how terrible my luck had been , was probably not a good sign . From where I stood , the houses were to my left while the road was to my right and on the other side of that said road was a vast forest . Memories of Teri came rushing back the moment my eyes laid sight of it - the shine of her crimson lips , the sound of her sing - song voice searched for me with her dull , blood - tipped shovel … . Yeah , no way I 'm going in there . I 've spent enough time in the woods to last a life time . My eyes went to the houses . There wasn 't much that stood out about them . The place looked no different than the average suburban community . Innocent enough , but then hell , doesn 't everything look innocent in a horror story ? I stood for a few minutes longer contemplating my next move . I knew standing there and hoping for a miracle that would never come wouldn 't get me anywhere . I needed to find out where I was . I looked at the nearest house across from me . Whoever lived there could probably tell me , so I headed towards it . A middle - aged woman stood at door . She wore an old worn V - neck t - shirt with jeans . Her hair was brown , short and slightly messy , almost as though she had stopped caring for it ages ago . Her eyes were deep green and sunken . I could tell by her complexion and by the dark bags sagging beneath her eyes that she was heartbroken . I had seen this same exact look a few years prior - a woman who 'd lost both her husband and daughter in a plane crash had worn it . It was a look I 'd never forgotten , and this woman before me wore it well . Huh ? I 'd never heard of that town ( not in S . C . , anyway ) . Ever . " Uh , okay then , could you tell me which way Charleston is ? " I thought the woman couldn 't look even more baffled than what she already was . I was wrong . " Charleston ? " she echoed , furrowing her brow and parting her mouth as if the word she 'd spoken was foreign . Now it was my turn to look at her confused . " Yeah , " I said , nodding slowly , " You know ? Charleston , South Carolina ? The place where the Civil War started . " I said the last line with a punch of sarcasm and as a bit of a joke . But , her narrowing eyes and her sudden stance in posture told me that it was not taken as one . " Now , I don 't who you are and I don 't care , but I 've had enough to deal with as it is and I don 't need some kid to come play pranks with me . " The woman went to shut the door . " Please wait ! " I shouted , catching it just before it could shut . " I really don 't understand what you mean ! " I tried to look as apologetic as I could , " I wasn 't kidding about which way 's Charleston . I don 't know where I am at all . " I let go of the door and stumbled back in surprise , " What ? ! " There was no way I 'd heard right - couldn 't have heard right . " I 'm , where ? " My jaw fell from its hinges as I stood there , processing what I 'd just heard . " B . S . ! " I shouted after a few seconds , " There 's no - fricken - way I 'm in Colorado ! " The woman opened the door completely , surprised by my reaction . " I 'm not lying , " she said in a calm , yet very concerned , tone . " You really are in Colorado . " I stepped even further back in surprise . I placed a hand behind my head , trying to comprehend what the frick was going on . No , no , no , no , no , no , there 's no way I 'm in Colorado ! Why the hell would The Sender put me here ! ? " Are you alright ? " she asked out of concern . I looked up at her still gaping and shaking my head . I wasn 't anywhere near ' alright ' . I turned away . I just couldn 't believe this . I uh … . I uh … " A lie came to me . " I don 't know , " I said . " I woke up on the sidewalk a few minutes ago in front of your house . I d - don 't know why . I mean the last thing I remember was going to bed last night , which is crazy ! " It wasn 't exactly too far from the truth , but still I prayed she buy it . " Okay , J . T . why don 't you come inside with me and we 'll try to straighten this out . Alright ? " She stepped aside and gestured with an open hand to come in . I took one last look around at the world around me , still in utter disbelief . Seeing monsters that shouldn 't exist had been one thing , suddenly teleporting to another state was quite another . But seeing I had no true alternative , I nodded went inside Twenty minutes later , I found myself standing in the living room of the house , gazing out one of the windows . I wasn 't looking at anything in particular , my mind was too busy trying to piece together what Creepypasta story I was in . So far , none came to mind . The woman who had let me in earlier , I found out , was named Connie . She 'd been staying at her sister 's house , the one I was in now , for nearly two years . When I 'd asked her why , she 'd simply shaken her head and walked away . I was able to convince them I really was from S . C . and not some prankster , like she 'd first thought . It was quite easy once I pulled out my driver 's license and told them my home address , which they looked up and found . What they couldn 't believe though was me suddenly waking up on the sidewalk with no memory of how I 'd gotten there . I don 't blame them either ; it was a lie after all . " Lori , " Connie said in a low tone , " the police aren 't going to pay for a plane ticket . And they 're not going to find out anything that we don 't already know . The boy already admits he has no memory . There 's nothing to suggest how he got here . And besides , they weren 't much help after … after … " I heard her sniffle , " Toby . " She managed to finish . " There , there , " I heard Lori whisper to Connie . I looked over my shoulder to duo to see fresh tears trail down Connie 's eyes . They continued to speak , but their voices grew too low for me to hear . " It 'll be harder . " The Sender 's words echoed within my head . I hadn 't understood what he 'd meant at the time . Now I did . Oh yay , rain . I sniffed . Just what every horror story needs . My eyes scanned the forest , passing over lush green , something tall , black , pale , and - Wait , I froze . Tall , black , and pale ? My eyes shifted back to where the thing had been . It was gone now , but there was something else instead . I squinted to get a better look . A guy , no more than my age , I guessed , was leaning with a single arm against a tree . He was wearing a blue - topped hoodie with a gray torso , and jeans . I saw something thing and shiny hanging from the back of his pant leg . I was too far away to tell what , but I guessed that it was either a hammer or a wrench or something . I wouldn 't have thought much of him if it weren 't for that small , tiny fact that I got the distinct impression that he was looking directly at me . He gave me a smirk just as his head twitched to the side in an odd manner . Strange . I thought about going outside and seeing who he was . But , before I could , he turned around and disappeared within the forest . " J . T . ? " I heard Connie call me . I turned to see her waiting in the kitchen . She gestured for me to come over . I took one last glance out the window to where the kid had been before going to Connie . I nodded . I had no problem with that . I mean , when something 's out to get you , what better place to be than a building full of men and women carrying firearms ? " No , " I said , placing my backpack down . " I 'm good . Thanks . " And pretty soon I 'll probably be saying ' sorry ' too . I stared after her , once again wondering who this ' Toby ' was . Apparently he 'd been important to her , that 's for sure . The name though , why did it keep tugging at me , like I should know it but couldn 't recall ? So far I had no idea which Creepypasta story this was , but I couldn 't shake the feeling that Toby had something to do with it . desk beneath it . On it , right beside the bed , was an alarm clock with a photo next to it . Curious , I picked up the photo . The picture was of a couple and their two children . I recognized the mother at the far right of the picture as a much happier and somewhat younger Connie . I could only assume the smiling blond - haired man next to her was her husband . I noticed he wore a white polo and some slacks but my eyes had wandered off to the two interesting children below . A young brother and an older sister hugging one another . The girl wore a purple shirt and had bright blond hair like her father . I could tell just by the hug between the two that they were close . They didn 't have a problem hugging each other - unlike me and my two siblings when posing for a pic . As for the boy in the picture , his face had faded . The only real detail to be seen was his flat brown hair . " I hope those will fit you . " She added before walking out . I pulled on the shirt and slid into the new pants , but not before taking my knife out of the olds ones . I went ahead and put my old clothes into my bag . I was about to put my hoodie in there too , but at the last minute , decided against it , choosing to put it over my shirt instead . Just as I put it on , I realized I 'd probably offend Connie by not showing the shirt , so I unzipped the middle of the hoodie . Thank God it 's a zip up . After everything was done , I grabbed my stuff and went to the kitchen . Connie was already there eating a bowl of cereal . She smiled when she saw me . She shrugged and resumed eating . As she munched on her breakfast , I wondered what I should do next . The Sender had never put me in a situation like this before , ever . I wasn 't sure what he wanted me to do . She sighed , then after a brief nod began . " Two years ago , " she said , " my daughter Lyra and my son Toby were both in a car accident . Lyra was killed in the crash but Toby wasn 't . He was sitting by her when it happened , and they were both very close … so Toby took her death hard . " She paused to take a breath , and , I could tell , to keep herself from crying . She took a shaky breath and resumed the story . " Toby , " she said , " had always blamed his father for what happened to Lyra . That 's why , I assume , he killed him . I was horrified by what he did so I called the police . Toby ran right after that and was chased by the cops . But before they caught up with him , he 'd grab a jerry - can from our garage and poured gasoline all down the road and around himself … then . . . then lit it on fire . " But Connie wasn 't finished . " But after the fire , " she continued , " t - they didn 't find his body . But I know there 's no possible way anyone could survive being burned by that , and he 's been gone for two years . He 's gone , " she said , closing her eyes . " He 's not coming back . " Her head sunk as she finished . I continued to stand there thinking about her son 's story . I remembered reading something like this before from a Creepypasta but it had been a long time ago . " It 'll be okay . I 'll be okay , " she sniffled . " If it 's alright I 'd like to be alone now . " I bit my lip not knowing how to ask this . " Where exactly did the fire happen at ? I 'd like to go see it , if it 's alright with you ? " Connie hesitated for a moment , no doubt struggling whether or not to tell me . After a few seconds , she answered . " It 's a few miles down the road from here , " she said . " towards the town 's center . You can 't miss it . The trees nearby are still black from the fire . " During my walk I 'd finally been able to recall the name of the Creepypasta this had taken place : Ticci Toby . But as for the main plot , and what he 'd looked like , I was still clueless . Damn it , I thought , I should 've paid more attention to that story . streets were still empty and as far I could tell , I was the only one in the area . I was starting to wonder if this place was a ghost town , I mean , didn 't anybody walk around there ? My eyes went back to the woods across from me . Perhaps there were more clues in there . Taking in a nervous breath , I walked into it . the area . I knew that wasn 't natural at all . Two years had been more than enough time for the plants to regrow , yet it still looked like the fire had happened only yesterday . This was just plain eerie . " Um … I 'm not sure . " I looked him up and down . Now that he was up close , I could see exactly what he looked like . He was my age ; I had no doubt about it now . He had a gray bandana covering his mouth and there was a pair of orange goggles resting on his head . He was still wearing the hood and he had his head down so I couldn 't see the top half of his face . " I 'm not sure what I 'm looking for . " I said , gesturing at the burnt woods around us . " I heard some kid burnt this area down about two years ago and that he supposedly died in the fire , but there was no trace of his body . I thought I might find something that could indicate he was still alive . " I took another glance around . I was about to ask him just that when I realized something . Toby had been seventeen when he 'd disappeared , which was two years ago , so he 'd be about my age , nineteen . This guy in front of me looked and sounded my age ; not only that , he had the same brown hair I 'd seen from the photo from the guest room . More importantly why would he laugh unless he knew who I was looking for , which meant … Just ahead of me was the edge of the forest and through it , the road . Yes , I grinned . I 'm going to make it ! No way he 's catching up with me ! That 's when I heard a whistling noise come from behind me . I turned around just in time to see a hatchet come sailing through the air towards my head - which was then followed by a large flash of white light . * * * The large welt on my forehead throbbed when I awoke . It was dark now ; the storm I had seen earlier that day had finally arrived . I was still in the forest , but nowhere near its edge . The wind was blowing hard through the trees and lightning would light up the area every few minutes . Why am I still alive ? I prodded my forehead with a single only to flinch in pain . I got lucky . I only got hit by the dull end of the hatchet . Still hurt , though . I sat up just as lightning struck . The area around me lit up , revealing Toby standing in front of me with a hatchet in each hand - the new looking one he 'd hit me with earlier was in his left hand , while an old worn one with a wooden handle was in his right . His bandana was back on and he pulled down his goggles ( well , at least I didn 't have to see his mouth anymore ) . He laughed . " Don 't bother trying to escape now , " he said , the grin apparent within his voice . " You 'll get your chance in moment . " I stopped moving . What ? " I 've been watching you since you showed up yesterday . " He rested both hatchets on his knees and leaned down to look at me . " And compared to some of the other people I 've killed , you don 't look like much . " I narrowed my eyes at him , my fear turning into resentment . " Oh , really ? " I spat . " Have you taken a good look in the mirror lately ? I wouldn 't necessarily say you look like much either . You 'd probably just make the mirror crack . " He cracked his neck with a chuckle . " Still good - humored even in the face of death , maybe the boss was right . This will be fun after all . " He gestured with his head towards the center of the forest . " Here 's the deal . I 'm going to count to ten , and you 're going to start running . If you can somehow get away , you win . " As I ran , it was hard to see anything in front me , it was pitch black . My only source of light would be the occasional lightning strike every several minutes or so . The wind and pouring rain didn 't make things any easier . After running for God knows how long , I stopped behind a tree to catch my breath . I couldn 't keep running in this darkness without some form of light . My backpack ruffled a bit as I leaned against the tree . " OH - ! " I ducked at the last second . Another lightning strike revealed flying splinters from the tree I 'd leaned on and Toby 's orange goggles , glowing within the light . Toby sliced down with his other hatchet . I rolled to my right , barely avoiding the blade . Scrambling to my feet , I held the camera in front of me to see where Toby was . I could see him stand back up with the hatchet he just swung , then point at me as if to say , " Just you wait . " Then he turned and yanked the other hatchet free of the tree . I managed to pull my hunting knife out of its case , only to stared down at it , then stare at Toby 's hatchets . You know what ? I REAAAALLLYYY need to switch this out for a pistol . There 's really not much of a point in bringing this . Is there ? I put the knife back in my pocket . Plan B . I about - faced and hightailed it . I could hear Toby chasing after me every step of the way . I tried to think of a way out of this but my ideas were fresh out . Damn it ! Toby 's footsteps stopped abruptly behind me . Is he giving up ? The wound on my head started to throb , reminding me of how he 'd caught me earlier . No , WAIT ! I dove to my left just as a hatchet whistled through the space my head had just been . Whoa ! That was close ! There ! Just a few feet ahead of me , was the hatchet . It had gotten embedded in the trunk of a tree . Dropping the camera , I scrambled over to it , and began trying to free it from the tree . With one last burst of energy , the hatchet flew free from the tree just as Toby reached me . He swung his hatched down at me . I barely had enough time to horizontally raise my hatchet with both hands to catch his . Sparks flew when the blade hit the metal of the handle , the force of the blow jarring me and nearly causing me to drop the it . Toby was unfazed and raised his to strike at me again . I swung the hatchet upward as I rolled to the left , but Toby stepped back , just missing the blade 's edge . " GAH ! " I dropped the hatchet and rolled over in . Toby went to swing his hatchet down again . I looked up to see my backpack just a few feet in front of me . Desperate , I grabbed it and flipped over with it in front of me right just when Toby slammed the hatchet down . Sparks flew as it cut through the bag and into my laptop ( forgot I had that in there ) . Toby hadn 't expected to meet any resistance , the sudden jarring caused the hatchet to fly out of his grip as it bounced off the laptop . I glanced at my ruined bag and computer then back at Toby . " You owe me over three hundred dollars , pal . " I shouted then threw the bag into his face , causing him to stumble back . Before he could recover I picked up the wooden hatchet and swung it full force into Toby 's direction . I was aiming for his side but lightning struck at the same instant I swung , throwing off my aim . " Aah ! " Toby yelped in surprise as he stumbled back with the hatchet stuck in his leg . I sat up and grabbed the other hatchet lying beside me . I heard Toby grunt , as he fell against a neighboring tree , trying to free the hatchet of his leg . When I stepped in front of him , he stopped and slowly raised his head up to see me towering above him . I have no idea what I looked like to Toby then , but the amount of anger and hatred I felt for him must have made me look like a monster , like him . Holding onto the hatchet with both hands , I raised it to strike . Toby looked for anything that could help him , but there was nothing he could do . The moment I went swing the hatchet down , I hesitated . The image of Connie and her tearful face filled my vision . Was I really about to do this ? Was I really going to kill her son ? Gritting my teeth , I did the one thing nobody in their right mind would 've ever done . I leaned toward him then said in a low voice , " Your mother lost all hope that you were alive for the past two years . She thinks you 're dead , and I 'm sure as hell am not going to be the one who makes what she believes true . " I stood up and turned to leave . " I 'm done here . " His mouth was still covered , but I could tell he was grinning , " You may have won this , " he said , " but it 's not over . Heheheh ! Look behind you . " A figure wearing an all - black hoodie stood in front of me with his arms crossed . The top half of his face was hidden by the hood . He was smirking . Bracing into a tackle , I raced at The Sender . Lightning struck again , just before I made contact . Everything went white causing me to lose sight of The Sender , but I still ran on … Only to slam into my car door .
|
I strive to be like Samuel . I stand ready and long to hear God 's call . God has placed on my heart the call of adoption , I hear the orphan 's cry . Through many prayers and discussions with my husband , we believe now is the time . Here is the story . I 'm sure that many aspects of our lives such as homeschooling , food and nutrition , and family life will trickle in . I pray that through this blog and our lives that you will see God 's glory and hear Him call you . So on this day , one year ago . . . we were rushing from Bogota to Pasto ( our original plane was cancelled and then the second flight , the following day , couldn 't take off ) . We were a little frustrated , a lot nervous about making it in time , and a whole lot tired . We landed in the Pasto airport , gathered up our stuff , managed to stuff it all into a van ( I don 't know how it all fit , it much have been enchanted like Hermione 's bag ) , and raced down and around the mountain to our hotel . Connor got car sick on the ride down and we all arrived a little worse for the wear . But our real adventure had yet to begin . We managed to get some food and unpack and just relax for a little and then we were swept away again to meet our kiddos . In case you don 't remember : Everyone but Rylan in this picture . I 'm not quite sure how we got out without a ' family portrait ' . Look how young she was ! Has it only been a year ? Anyway , a LOT has happened in the past year . The kids are growing up and adjusting well , for the most part . We 've had some bumps in the road . If I 'm going to be honest , one of the kiddos is having a really difficult time . We have a long road to go with her . However , God has truly blessed us and we are so very happy we chose to say ' yes ' to adoption . These kids are mine . I don 't care where they came from or how they got here . They are mine . There are some days , and some mannerisms , that make me wonder how it is that they didn 't come from my ( or Ken 's ) genetic data . Diana and her determined nature , the fact they all love to sing , John likes to drink his water ice cold , Juli and her defiant side ( pretty sure that didn 't come from Ken ) , the fact that they all love video games , how Cody and Diana are so much alike , how John is just like a mini Connor and it just goes on . And yet , it 's hard to forget just all they 've been through . They all have so many hurts , there 's so much pain bottled up inside . There 's physical scars , there 's emotional scars . And more still , even with the happy experience of joining us to be a forever family , there 's the loss of their foster moms . It 's just one more loss in a long line of losses for my babies . Adoption is a happy thing and we are so very happy we have these kiddos , but there 's so much loss . So , since I 've been delinquent in posting for quite some time . I just want to let you know that we 've learned a lot from our new kiddos . Here 's a list of what we now know that we didn 't before : And I couldn 't end this post without a big shout out to our friends and church family . We have so many friends who have really stepped up and stepped in when we needed help . The gracious gift of hand - me - downs seems to always come when we need it . The people at our local congregation have really , really helped us in ways that I can 't even begin to measure . They have prayed for us , fixed us food , given us a shower and gifts , shared knowing looks and hugs , encouraged us when things were tough , and seen us through in so many different ways . Even now , a year later , we have people calling out of the blue to see if we need anything . So many have taken one or more of our kids under their wing and made sure they feel welcome . I still receive cards of encouragement in the mail . I 've never given much stock to the old phrase " It takes a village to raise a child " mostly because I feel that Americans are too prone to subcontract their parenting out these days but I really and truly have no idea how we would have made it this past year without y ' all . So thank you . And thank you goes as well to our extended brothers and sisters in Christ . I know so many of you have been praying regularly , even daily , for us . I thank you from the bottom of my heart . And thank you just really doesn 't seem like enough . Like the old saying goes , " The days are long [ very , very ] , but the years are short . " It seems like the past year has just flown by . Now I 'm getting stressed about how little time I have left with each of them . It just doesn 't seem like enough . Anyway , here are some more recent pictures of the kids : That 's what my facebook post said today . That 's how I really felt . What on earth have I gotten myself into ? Why did I do this ? I must be crazy . A while back , I decided that I didn 't want to go into the summer ( ie . pool ) season with three non swimmers . I have had every intention of the girls being on swim team with the boys this summer but during our away gymnastics meets , we had some time at hotel pools and I realized that neither one of them were ready to be on a team . . . as in , neither one of them could swim , at all . I find this odd since they lived in a beach town until we got them . As a side note , I would like everyone to know that swimming is the only extra curricular activity that we ' force ' our children to do . Both Ken and myself have a strong swimming background , his was with a swim team until he was old enough to coach , which he did and I spent many , many summer weeks on vacation with my grandparents camping at a lake and swimming and water skiing . We both felt it was very important for the kids to learn how to swim , from a safety perspective . In fact , I had a friend in college who could not swim and we had a hairy moment one night at a mutual friend 's pool . I didn 't really care if it was swim team or swim lessons but I wanted our kids to be able to swim , and swim well . Ken felt very strongly about swim team and it is the cheapest way to get them swimming well . So when it all started , we told the boys that they needed to learn how to swim well for safety reasons and swim team was how Daddy and I chose for this to happen . When they got to the point that they could beat Mommy and Daddy across the pool in a race , then they could choose whether or not they wanted to continue with the team . So there you have it . Coincidentally , this will be the first year that we have one turn down team . Rylan had a really rough summer last year . He spent 12 hours a week at the gym working out for gymnastics and about 2 hours a day at the pool working out for swim and dive team . That means that four days a week , he was working out , and I mean working out , for five hours a day . On Saturdays , he rose early to go to the swim meet and left straight from there to go to theAnyway , when I saw where the girls were with swimming , I decided that they needed to have some lessons before swim season rolled around . There was only one choice when I decided that I wanted back to back lessons at each girl 's level and ruled out nap times and times when we had to go to the gym . They are on Mondays and Wednesdays and they started this week . Of course , I signed them up long before I knew that Ken was going to be out of town on business four days a week during this time period . As we were trying to get our schoolwork and chores done and get ourselves pulled together to go , I thought , " I really need my head examined for this . " Trying to get six kids and myself packed up to go and then showering afterwards and getting to Chick - Fil - A in time to eat before church . . . I must be crazy . I have to say , it all went really , really well . Despite the fact that the girls don 't really do English yet , they both did really well in class . Everyone had a great time . I got in the pool with John and the big boys . Diana and Juli joined us when they weren 't in class . Showering worked out and everyone was happy , happy , happy . And it was really nice to be able to stop and just play with the kids . Sometimes I get so stuck in what has to be done , whether it 's cooking , cleaning , laundry , schoolwork or whatever . . . I forget that I need to be having fun with them , too . And when we finally made it home and I got everyone tucked into bed , an eery silence fell upon the house . I remembered exactly why I love the crazy hectic summer swim / dive team schedule . . . there 's no tomfoolery at bed time . When their heads hit their pillows , they are out , because nothing wears a kid out like swimming . I 've had to deal with migraines my whole life . My mom told me once that she could remember when I was 3 or 4 years old and I would come to her with a pasty white face , blue lips , and crying , saying that my head hurt . I remember being in elementary school and having to go home because it hurt so bad . I also remember one secretary who thought I was lying and would make me sit upright in the hard chairs in the office under the fluorescent lighting thinking that eventually I would admit I was lying and go back to class . I have no idea why she thought I wanted out of class , I loved school . I got straight A 's . I was the stereotypical teacher 's pet . But , I digress . I missed a lot of school for migraines . I missed a lot of college classes for migraines . I could always tell which of my professors had actually had a migraine by they way they acted when I called to tell them why I had missed class . . . again . After graduation , I missed a lot of work because of my migraines . After Ken and I got married , I started seeing a neurologist for them . I got some drugs to take at the first sign of a migraine . It worked . . . about 1 / 3 of the time . And the side effects were horrible . The 2 / 3 of the time that they didn 't work , I found myself dealing with a migraine AND side effects . So I gave up on the drugs and the doctors . Over the years , I have spent much of my time investigating and researching on my own . I found out that I have hypothyroidism . When I got that balanced , the timing of my migraines became more regular and more predictable . As I started eating better , they became a little less severe . As I have come to appreciate a natural lifestyle more and more , the migraines have become more manageable . I started seeing a chiropractor and using essential oils and while I still had migraines , I was able to function . For about six months , I did not have a migraine that completely debilitated me . Slowed me down ? , Yes . Changed my plans for a couple of days ? Yes . Kept me from driving ? Yes . Kept me from being with my kids or fixing them lunch ? No . Was I bedridden ? Nope . Sent me to bathroom vomiting from the pain ? Thank God , no . Believe me when I tell you , I was very , very thankful for the respite . Unfortunately , I haven 't been so good about what I 've been eating lately . I haven 't been to the chiropractor since before we went to Colombia . And I 've been paying for it . I have had a lot of migraines in the past two months and I 've had two that were completely debilitating . The first one happened to fall on the weekend and Ken once again , was awesome . He took care of the kids and the house and me . The second didn 't work out quite so well . I started getting a headache last Sunday afternoon . By the time Ken left Sunday night ( at bedtime ) for his business trip , I was done for . I got the kids in bed and fell into bed myself . That 's a rare thing , I typically HATE going to bed without Ken and avoid it as long as I can . The night was hard . I woke from the pain frequently and unfortunately , John woke just as frequently as I did , needing mommy love . The morning was worse . I had heard Connor and Rylan get up and I knew the girls were awake in their room , but I laid in bed as long as John slept . When he woke , it was all I could do to get down the stairs holding his hand . I strapped him in his high chair , got him some yogurt , and made it to the bathrooThankfully , Connor and Rylan have seen this before and were ready and willing to help . They tried , but I realized a day like this was too much to ask of them . I needed help . If it had been just the older four , they could have watched movies all day . That 's what happened when Ken was deployed . Actually , I think the boys secretly loved the days that I had migraines because they got to watch TV and play video games all day . [ Yep , I just wrote that for all the world to read . ] However , they couldn 't take care of Juli and John ALL day . Connor called a friend of mine who rearranged her morning to come over with her kids to help . She brought food and fixed lunch . About the time she got here , we discovered that my mom had actually called in sick to work and was home so I was covered for the afternoon and evening . I 'm so thankful for both of them . My whole life , I could never see the silver lining in the cloud of migraines . They were wasted days . But as I lay on the floor of the dark powder room Monday morning , I called Rylan in . I told him to go to the girls ' room and let them know that Mommy said to come down for breakfast . ( They are supposed to play quietly in their room in the morning until I come for them . That post is for another day . ) He told them that Mommy was very sick and they needed to be very quiet . Of course , both girls came running and looking for me . Juli found me first and she just sat down beside me and watched me . Diana came busting in and started talking in her booming voice . I reminded her that she needed to be quiet and asked her to help Juli get her breakfast . Juli was back from breakfast after about five minutes and sat down again . She just watched me and after a few minutes she asked if I was sick . I said yes . She asked if I was crying . I said yes . She asked why . I said that my head hurt . . . mucho , mucho . She sat quietly for a while longer . I asked her if she wanted to go play . She said no . She asked if I was still crying . I said yes . And then I looked at her . She was crying , too . I reached for her hand and tried to explain that Mommy is sick . Mommy will be sick for one or two days but then Mommy will feel better . I tried as best as I could , in my PJ 's , disheveled and a mess , to convince her that I was going to be ok . She was very upset . She sat with me for about an hour , maybe more . She held my hand almost the whole time . At one point , she asked if she could lay with me . So we lay together , spooning on the hardwood floor of the bathroom in the dark . And that , right there , my friends , is the silver lining . I have spent much time wondering if she was attaching to us at all . She spends so much of her time trying to push us away that I wondered if she cared at all . I 'm not saying that in a snarky way . I realize how much she 's been through and I know she 's having a tough time . I know we need to love her whether or not she loves us back . It isn 't easy but we knew that was a possibility of what we 'd be doing when we signed up for this job . I just wonder if there 's anything there . Are we making progress ? Does she feel at home here , even a little ? Does she have any tiny little spark of love for us yet ? Maybe not love , but maybe a warm little fuzzy ? Possibly ? Yes . I think maybe she does . I think that despite all the horrible crud that she 's been through , despite how hard she tries to keep her distance and keep her heart safe , she cares about us . . . or about me at least . It 's a good place to start . I didn 't want to have yet another migraine . I certainly didn 't ask for that . But for the first time in my life , I think that if I had the chance to go back in time and do over those days without a migraine , I wouldn 't have taken it . Since I told yesterday about my fabulous time away with my big boys , I thought I should share about the rest of the story . John has been sick for more than a week now . I hated leaving him . As much as he had been attached to Ken in the beginning , he 's a momma 's boy now . I really wasn 't looking forward to leaving him . I also knew that Juli 's relationship with Ken has never really gotten off the ground and that she would have a difficult time with me leaving . What I didn 't plan for was Diana 's reaction . When I told them about it she seemed ok . Then Saturday morning , she was playing on the floor and just looked up at me and said , " Mami no va . " ( Mommy don 't go . ) I explained to her that I needed to go and that she would sleep that night and have the whole day tomorrow with Daddy . When she went to bed that night , I would come and kiss her goodnight after she was sleeping . She was having a difficult time dealing with it but when she saw Cody packing clothes to go , it was all over . I needed the time away but I hated to do it . These kids have been through so much before we got them . And when you look at it , they 've been through an awful lot since we 've gotten them . They had to leave their homes , their schools , everyone and everything they knew to go to another city and have this ' new ' family thrust upon them . When they finally started getting used to the new space , we had to up and go to a new place . That place was no fun ; we couldn 't really go and do much . It was a whirlwind of doctors appointments , photos , applications , meetings here and there , shots and sooooo much waiting . There was no time to cope with or heal the emotional upheaval caused by this move before we had to hop on a plane for five hours to go home . The home that 's they 've never seen before , yet , they are expected to view it as home . A five hour plane ride is difficult enough for little kids but put on top of that what they have to deal with emotionally for this move . We 've been home for 3 months and 2 days . Ken has had to leave for work several times , but mom hasn 't left them . I did a quick trip to the store a couple of times but really , I 've never left them . How are they supposed to believe me when I tell them it will be ok ? But Ken is fabulous . He is so very patient with them and he is really hands on . He is such a great dad . They went to the basement and played . He made pepperoni rolls for dinner . He sat with John when he was upset and crying for Mami . He did laundry . He changed diapers . He did math . He held John when he accidentally fell asleep on him . The only thing he didn 't do was go to church . John ended up being entirely too sick for that . He did such a good job that when I went to the girls room to get them the next morning , they really weren 't all that excited to see me . I guess that 's good . This parenting thing is hard work . It gets even harder when you try to blend a family like we have . It gets me thinking about the Brady Bunch . Anyway , when I only had three kiddos , I poured myself into them and there I found my joy , my purpose . I was good . I know a lot of people who get overwhelmed being a mom and need time away to get refreshed . That had never been me . I 'm not trying to come across as superior or better , it 's just that 's the way I am . Have you ever heard the saying , " Find a job you love and you 'll never work a day in your life . " Yeah , that 's how I was being a mom . I rarely needed refreshed because what I was doing was what refreshed me . I loved my job . Ken has been going away for work 3 - 4 days a week for the past several weeks and I find that I 'm pretty well toasted by the time the weekend rolls around . And then we found out that Rylan drew the Sunday afternoon slot for his gymnastics meet for Valentine 's Day weekend . Oh , that makes things difficult . Ever since Rylan went competitive , we 've been faced with the issue of dealing with Sunday meets . It 's hard . We really , really want to convey that God comes first , that worshipping is more important than a gym meet . On the other hand , he 's really good . This isn 't something that he dabbles in . This could be his ' thing , ' if you know what I mean . So a long time ago , we decided that it was ok for him to go to Sunday meets , and that one parent would take him but that the rest of the family would go to church . However , as it turns out , he had drawn the afternoon slot . The meet was in VA Beach and we 've done this before . In the past , we drove down on Saturday , spent the night , got up and visited with a local congregation , grabbed lunch , gone to the meet , and drove home that same day . We thought about doing that again . However , as Ken and I talked about it , we both knew that the new kiddos weren 't ready for this kind of trip . The decision was made that one parent would take Rylan and the other would stay with the other five . I hate to admit it . I knew in my head , the easiest , most logical choice was for me to stay home . I was used to handling all the kids alone . It would be difficult for Ken to stay with them since he wasn 't used to doing it solo . Also , the girls seem to relate better to me . The have come to realize that I 'm the parent , whereas they are still testing Ken 's authority . In my heart , I was heartbroken . I would like to say that I was only heartbroken that I wasn 't going to see Rylan compete . That was part of it . The other part was that I was screaming on the inside . I didn 't see how I was going to do the weekend without Ken sandwiched between two weeks of him being away for work . I needed a break . The more I thought about it , the more I wanted to be the one to go . Rylan has always been the one that needed a little more mommy time and he 's been surviving on the bare minimum since we got home . I wanted a break and I wanted time with him , and not just him . I wanted to shower my affections and my attentions on Rylan and Connor . I have had to ask so much more of my two big boys than I ever imagined that I would have to ask of them . I have had to ask so much more of them than I ever wanted to ask . The have grown up so much in the past 4 1 / 2 months , they 've had to . And they 've had to do with much less help from mommy , much less attention from me . That 's the part I hate . I knew I was going to be putting a lot of attention and time into the new kids . I knew that my ' old ' kids would take a hit on their attention and time , but I didn 't realize just how much . And I had no idea that I would need them so much . I had no idea that I would have to call on them for help as often as I 've needed to . The more I thought about it , the more I realized just how much all three of us needed this . I pleaded my case with Ken . As it turns out , my husband it amazing . He never batted an eye . He said , " OK . I 'll stay with the kids . " And that was it , it was decided . It ended up that Cody joined us , too . It was really , really great . I was able to have whole conversations with them . They didn 't have to wait for my attention . We talked almost the whole way down . Even when they were playing video games , they would stop and talk to me . Rylan told me about the Trojan pig he was making in Minecraft . Cody was full of all of his questions , the kind he 's always had but I haven 't had time to answer lately . They aren 't the usual kid questions and his mind comes up with all kinds of things . Connor picked out the CD 's and we all sang along . When we got to the hotel , we went to the pool . It was very cold and we didn 't stay long . We went back to the room and ordered pizza and watched the Olympics until bedtime . We weren 't able to find a church service that would allow us to get to the gym in time . I really agonized over that as my boys lay there sleeping . Truth be told , if I had known that we weren 't going to church , I would 've left Connor and Cody at home to go to church with Ken . I knew then that we wouldn 't be going and that we 'd have a little time to sleep in . The next morning , Rylan woke about 30 minutes before my alarm was set to go off . He snuggled in next to me . He 's not too big to cuddle , you know . When I told him that it was time for me to go shower , he held on . This was a moment that I will remember . I don 't know how many more we 'll have now that our family is bigger and he 's getting older . I will try to make them happen as much as I can . We got ready , went to breakfast , checked out of the hotel , stopped at the 7 - 11 for a power bar and got to the gym early . We sat in the van and talked before going in . Even then , we were a little early and the boys ' section was surprisingly quiet . We found seats and waited for Rylan 's coach to appear . I was really hesitant to talk to Rylan about his gymnastics . I try hard to be a mom and let the coach do the coaching . But he hasn 't been doing as well lately with his gymnastics . I don 't mind when he scores low or places low , but I could tell that he has not had his head in the game . Against my better judgement , I went around to the other end of the seats to talk to him . I told him how much I believed in him . I told him that I knew he is gifted in this sport . I told him a lot of things . I don 't know if he listened to me or if it was the embarrassing mistake that he made at the last meet , but we saw a good bit of the old Rylan yesterday . He was focused . He wanted to win . He made a few mistakes , a step here , a hop there , an extra circle on the mushroom , but there was no denying that the Rylan that made me fall in love with the sport all over again was back . And the whole time that I was watching him , Connor was by my side . He signed up to be the videographer so I could take pictures . He and I shared some really good conversation . He 's turning into quite the amazing young man . I really enjoy being with him and talking to him . For the first time ever , Rylan placed in both Pommel and Vault . For the first time ever , he placed in all six events . He tied for third in the All Around . We cheered him on through the awards ceremony . We beat it out of the gym and off to the van . We had exactly an hour to make it to the church in Williamsburg . It takes an hour to get there . We got there and as I sat and listened to the lesson , two boys on one side and one on the other , I was struck by just how blessed I am , how much this weekend meant to me ( and hopefully to them ) , and how I felt like it was just what we needed . After church , we ate at Friendly 's and I didn 't even make Rylan eat all his dinner before he moved on to ice cream . I was sufficiently sugared up having had two sodas and a whole lot of ice cream , that I made the drive home easily despite the hour and long day . I don 't know if it was the sugar or the company , but I felt like I was flying . Works really , really hard to provide for our family so that I can stay home with the kiddos . It 's not exactly easy living as a family of 8 on a single income but Ken works hard . When he changed jobs a year and a half ago , I was treated to a night out with him at the company 's Christmas party . I was almost brought to tears as one after another person that I met told me how happy they were to have Ken on the ' team , ' that they 'd never met anyone with such a strong work ethic or upstanding moral character , how good he is at what he does , etc . I mean , I 've always liked him but it 's really good to hear that what he 's doing is appreciated . Works really , really hard to do what needs to be done at home . I know he 's tired but he rarely takes a load off . If something needs done , he does it , whether it 's laundry , sweeping , reminding our ever distractable child to find his chore chart , helping check math problems , changing a diaper , emailing some guy on craigslist because one of our children has found something they want to purchase with their birthday money , printing up worksheets for school , running to the grocery store , taking one child to guitar lessons or picking another up from the gym , booking a hotel for the upcoming meet , cleaning the gutters , super gluing a toy , fixing the stupid computer that won 't do what I want , and the list goes on and on and on . Well , not ALL weekend but pretty close . On Friday afternoon I start by taking all the beads out followed by taking all the braids out . I let the girls pick a movie to watch when it 's their turn so they will sit still . They are both actually pretty good about it . This is the only time I let them watch TV in Spanish but it 's worth it . Anything that helps . Of course , during the time that I have to take the beads and braids out , we have to stop to take Rylan to gymnastics . . . then we have to stop again to go pick him up . I 'm not sure how long this takes . . . I can go much faster with the simple hairstyles that I put on Juli than with the many , many braids that I put on Diana . Once the hair is all free I take the girls up to soak in the tub . While we are there I wash and condition their hair . The conditioner is the kind where you leave it on for 15 minutes under a shower cap to get nice and toasty and really deep condition . I let them play in the tub while we wait and then stand up to rinse the conditioner out and shower . Once the shower is over , I put leave in moisturizer on , part the hair into sections that I 'm going to use the next day and put each section into one fat braid to keep it from getting tangled overnight . This part takes about 2 hours . Tomorrow , starting right after breakfast , I will start braiding . I will take a break to shower at some point and I will have lunch . Last time I did this , it took about 6 1 / 2 hours to do Diana 's braids . At that point I only had time to do the cute little crisscross ponytails in Juli 's hair . . . which I absolutely love but they don 't last very long . Juli has told me that she really wants the beads in her hair this time so I will do her first and do braids . . . although , I probably will make the parts a little farther apart and try to go faster . She 's really good about sitting still but she 's four . We 'll see how it goes . Diana wants the same braids as last time so hopefully with all the practice , I 'll get faster . I both love and hate hair weekend . I love doing the girls ' hair . It 's just another form of art and I 'm looking forward to getting much better and being able to do more . I love the time I get to spend with them on my lap and the time sit in the bathroom playing and talking . I love washing their hair for them . I know how much I enjoy going to the salon and getting my hair washed by someone else and I think they really enjoy it , too . I love that I get to do this for them . However , I really , really wish I could go faster , both for their sakes and for the boys . I feel like I neglect them to get it done . Wow , it 's been almost two months since my last post . I 've had many a person tell me how they miss them . I could get a big head here . Although , I don 't really feel that my writing was anything special or eloquent , I do understand how friends and family can get attached to this kind of story and want to hear the next ' chapter . ' I have a friend who moved her family to Austria for a couple of years and vowed to write something on her blog each day . For two years , I read her blog every day and it felt like she had never left . Honestly , I knew more about what was going on with her family than I had at any point since we 'd left college and I felt like I was right there with her . After her two years were up , they stayed on for another year but she hasn 't been writing * every * day . I miss it when she doesn 't write . ( hint , hint ) Anyway , I also feel like there were so many people who helped us get our children home . I feel like they are entitled to know how we are doing and what 's going on . I don 't want to be one of those authors who ends the book badly . . . or in an entirely bad place to end a book just so you have to suffer through waiting for the next book in the series . Another reason I 'm going to try and recommit to writing more frequently , although I can 't promise it will be daily like when we were in Colombia , is that it has a cathartic effect for me . I can get on here and write all the horrid stuff that happened with no filters and reckless abandon and realize that 's not how I actually think about my family and certainly not what I want the world to think I think about my family . . . so I delete . And as I delete , something inside of me lets go . The unimportant stuff disappears and I can really see what matters , what happened that day that makes a difference . It 's not that I 'm trying to show a faux family to the world . . . it 's that the first draft before the delete is the venting and the second , subsequent writing of the day is the hindsight , the wisdom , if you will , of what the day really was about . The final reason I want to write is that I need to write . It 's entirely selfish . It 's not just that I need to write either . It 's that I need you all to read it . I need you when the times are tough . I need to be open and honest about what goes on here . Somehow it 's easier to say to the computer than it is to say it to your face when you ask how things are going as we stand and make small talk in the church foyer or pass each other in the parking lot of the gym . I have always believed in the power of prayer but never have I seen evidence so clearly in my own life as through this adoption process . I have seen God answer questions clearly and without confusion when we needed to know what to do next . I have seen Him provide for us in ways that we never imagined when we trusted Him to pave the way . I have felt His peace at times when I needed it more than I could ever explain . We knew it was going to be really touch in Colombia . We were taking home ( to a hotel ) three kids that we had never met before . These kids had been through a lot of stuff and were going to need loving , caring arms to hold them . These kids needed to grieve . And at the same time , we wanted to make sure that the three big kids were having their needs met and didn 't feel like they were getting thrown out with the trash . We were prepared . We had read a lot . We had a plan but we are laid back enough to realize when the plan needed changed . We were ready . We were ready physically , emotionally , mentally , and spiritually . It was unbelievably difficult . Although we had expected it , the expectation didn 't make it any easier . It was in Colombia where I finally figured out what Paul meant when he said , " Pray without ceasing . " It was really , really hard . It was exhausting . The big boys stayed up late and the little ones got up early , all the while , John didn 't really sleep through the night . The daily ( sometimes twice or three times ) battles with Diana were physically draining . The nonstop needs of three little broken souls along with the emotional needs of thrBut then we came home . And that was good , but somehow , I had convinced myself that the worst , hardest part was over . And I became a little vain and forgot just how it was that I made it though that part . I patted myself on the back for a job well done and acted as if we had done it alone and it wasn 't God that had carried us through . It was almost as if I had said , " It 's ok , God , we 'll take it from here . We 're home safe and sound now so You can go on about Your business . I 've got this . " Oops . Yeah . Well . Guess what . In some ways it got easier . In others , it just got a whole lot harder . I 've been really struggling and I realized that I haven 't been praying without ceasing . I haven 't been sharing my struggles . I haven 't been relying on Him , I 've been relying on me . Truth be told . . . I shouldn 't rely on me . Because I can 't do this . It 's too hard . It 's too much . I 'm not strong enough . But then again , God never really intended for me to do this . He intended for us to do it , together . So friends , pray on , if you will . If you can forgive me for how I left the end of the book hanging . I will write more about how the kids are doing in my next post .
|
Let the game flow in terms of rules . If you run into a rules issue try to avoid getting caught up in niddling over rules with players in - game . Go with what you think is right as arbitrator of the game , and suggest letting the rule stand for the current game and do research on it afterwards . Be willing to retrofit game events in case you happen to have been incorrect with a ruling , if necessary . Play the game without trying to Beat the Players and win the game for your NPCs , while still playing the NPCs as smart as they would be according to their own intelligence , levels or other characteristics that would come into play . Use GM Fiat wisely . There is a time and place for Fiat , but it can easily be abused . Try to be as fair as an umpire should be . Treat all Player Characters equally . If you have a significant other , or best friend playing , make sure that you treat all characters equally without any particular favoritism . Game Preparations Know the rules of your game system system well . It pays to study the rules carefully in advance of playing . This is one reason why I prefer a rules - light system , myself . Be prepared for each game . Have your NPCs and monsters , and back story sussed out in advance . If you feel unprepared it is sometimes better to postpone than play without proper prep . There is a fine line between rich story , and over complicated . When you have more than three hanging threads in the current story , it 's a good time to start tying them together again before introducing new threads . This helps with avoiding confusion , dissipation and contradictions within the story . On the their side of the coin , overly simplistic scenarios can turn out to be too bland , so if you only have one thread , or sub - plot , it 's a good time to introduce a second . Often you can get sub - plot ideas directly from the player character 's actions . For example , did someone leave a wounded Kobold behind ? Maybe he follows behind the party causing troubles from afar . Monty Hall Dungeons can work , sometimes , but not often , so use them sparingly . Used once in a while they can be a lot of fun , and rewarding for the Player Characters that survive it , but making them the entire campaign can wind up being uninteresting after a while . Remain sensitive to the mood of the players . Try to establish party unity in the back story or setting . Perhaps the party are all members of the same family , or Adventure Guild , or army . Building cohesion of the group in the back story helps the players to justify staying together rather than wandering off on the separate ways during the course of the campaign . Know your world well . Have a good familiarity and understanding of the map , the history , politics and economics of your world ( within reason ) . It helps tremendously with playing ' sandbox ' style games where the Players are free to roam around as their inclinations lead them . Gamesmastering Style Allow Players to roam around your world and explore . Let the story flow from the interests and actions of their characters , rather than trying to control the story according to a preconceived plot . This is what is meant by " sandbox " style . Use descriptive narration to give the players a sense of the environment , including what they see , hear , and feel . An example would be " The characters enter the edge of a cedar wood forest , shaded with dappled sunlight , beautifully scented . Birds are singing , the air is warm , and a breeze is rustling the leaves in the trees around them . " Pace the granting of treasures and goodies , including information about the world . Let the players work for what they get and they will appreciate it more . Let PCs die if they play their characters foolishly . Don 't bend over backwards to keep them from suffering the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune . It makes them play smarter next time . One thing you can do , however , especially for favorite characters that die , is to provide some means by which those characters may be able to be returned to the world of the living . Other - world Quests are a good means of doing so . Try to illicit emotions from the Players by using descriptive narrative to create moods , and Player Character relationships to create dramatic tension within the context of the story . Make your monsters scary , rather than ' Experience Point Bags ' by describing them in ways that leave players mystified in various aspects . Instead of announcing " there are four third level orcs in the room " you can use atmospheric descriptive narrative to leave it ambiguous at the start of the encounter . . . " When the door bursts open , Rothmon shoves his lantern through the door . There are flickering shadows dancing everywhere . From the north corner a dark faced orc with fangs bared is leaping toward the door . Behind him you see two shadows emerging from the darkness wearing spiked helms , unsheathing glinting steel swords . You hear a loud grunt and snarl coming from behind the door , but you can not see that part of the room . " Same situation , but as you can see the second one is much more engaging , and leaves the players as unsure about the exact circumstances as they would be in real life had they burted into a room under the same conditions . Make your villains dangerous . They are the plotters and planners of devious machinations , so play them that way . However , don 't give them knowledge of things that their characters would not know , such as which way the party went , if it is something the villain would not have knowledge of . In other words , don 't make your villains invincible . Just play them like smart monsters that plan ahead , set traps , and the like - not like gods who know everything . Throw a little romance into the game . Let the NPCs occasionally show some romantic interest in the Player Characters . This can add noble incentives for the Player Characters ( your Princess has been kidnapped , etc ) , or provide points of humor during the course of the game ( the Player Character who just can 't score , etc ) . Good Gaming to you ! Let me know if you have other suggestions that you might like to see on this list , and I 'll be happy to tack them on . Thanks Chris for inspiring this post . : ) It was the dead of night . The adventurers were sleeping in their room on the third floor of the Prancing Unicorn Inn . Snow covered the land with a silent white blanket . Downstairs a crowd reveled far into the night and early hours of the morning . The noise , and occasional shaking of the rafters , managed to keep Hermel awake . He rolled over once . He rolled over twice . He looked out the window . Snow covered the window half way up the panes . The wind howled through the trees . Downstairs he heard the huge guffaws of his giant friend Bantum , who was clearly having a grand old time . The rafters shook again , dust falling from the ceiling . He turned over and thought to himself , " How would Ischandar handle this ? " He got up from his bed , put on his shirt and pants , and stumbling into the hall , made his way down the party . There he saw Bantum dancing away happily to the music of flutes and fiddles . Everyone was having a merry time of it all . Hermel scowled to himself as he crossed over to the bar . " What 's the strongest drink you 've got ? " he asked the barkeep , who looked at him with a raised eyebrow . " A whole bottle ? ! " the barkeep asked with surprise . " Why that would put down every man in the room ! " he said . " How much ? " asked Hermel , unfazed . " Well , mate , it 'll break your purse , but if you insist … it 's 40 Iron . " " Well , ok … but don 't drink more than a shot or I 'll have to drag you up to your room , " said the barkeep placing a large black bottle of black liquor on the bar . Hermel took it in his hand and carried it over to where Bantum was dancing . He managed to catch the big guy 's attention and over the music said , " Bantum ! I want to thank you for having found this great and lively place for us to sleep ! Here , have a drink on me ! " " Thank you , " said Bantum delighted and honored , and drank down the entire bottle with huge gulps . He burped . Other than that Hermel could not detect the slightest effect . Bantum burped again , and smiled . He then went back to dancing , only a little more wild and carefree than before . Hermel went and sat down in a corner to watch . The happy giant seemed fine . Bantum danced merrily to the music laughing and clapping his huge hands . While they were conversing , Bantum wobbled , and fell into a table , smashing it to smithereens . " Oooooo , sorry ! " cried out Bantum . He felt dizzy . He began dancing wildly . Not a few people , having seen the interaction , were staring incredulously at Hermel who still had the empty bottle of Black Whiskey sitting in front of him . The Chicken Soup Thickens The door to the tavern opened . A cloaked figure with a deep cowl entered the tavern and walked straight to the bar . Standing next to him , Hermel peered inside the deep cowl to see that the new comer was a very beautiful girl with a black leather skullcap that came to a widow 's peak at the center of her forehead . He caught a glimpse of gorgeous red hair flowing down her neck . He spit into his hand and slicked back his hair as suavely as he could . He took note of the fact that she was carrying a blue and brown blanket bundle in her arm . The barkeep came over quickly and they had a whispered conversation . Hermel thrummed the bar counter with his fingers . She was already heading away to the stairs going up to the second floor . Hermel wilted . He realized he lost his opportunity . When she got to the stairs she took a sweeping glance around the room , and caught Hermel 's eye in passing . Seeing this , he immediately decided to play it cool . The effect in fact was that his eyes suddenly bulged when her beautiful sea - green gaze met his , and then he darted his eyes away , settling on the idea that he had come across as alluringly disinterested . He slicked his hair back again . This could work out well after all , he thought . She was gone up the stairs . Thinking quickly , Hermel muttered an incantation under his breath . On the stairs a piece of black cloth that was half hidden in a shadow transformed into the shape of a fat black cat . Hermel walked over to Bantum and pointed to the apparition . " Ohhhh ! My kitty ! " cried the dull witted behemoth . Hermel deliberately put himself between Bantum and the illusion , and dispelled it so that it vanished . Bantum however was convinced he 'd seen his big black kitty and so he tumbled up the stairs looking for it . They made it noisily all the way to the third floor , where Hermel guided Bantum into their room . He remained outside while Bantum settled into his bed . His feet hung far over the edge , but in a few moments he was quite happily snoring away . Outside in the hall , Hermel noticed that one of the doors was ajar . When he looked , he thought it was the girl with the red hair and green eyes peering out at him . The door shut suddenly . Hermel slicked his hair back again and sauntered over to her door and knocked quietly . There was no answer . He knocked again a little louder . " Go away , " hissed the girl from behind the door . " Ok … I just hope my friend 's noisiness didn 't disturb you , " replied Hermel politely . Hermel staggered back to the room . He ruffled up his hair as he looked in the mirror . " I 'm a handsome guy , " he thought . Useless . He blew out the candle and got into his bed . It was quite comfortable and shortly he felt warm waves of cozy sleepiness washing over him , despite the music and laughter still coming up from downstairs and the snoring of all his companions . The time passed swiftly . Star of Justice awoke with a start from strange dream , but he did not remember the dream very well . Something about a long corridor , a strange dark green five pronged wheel on a red stone perhaps , his morning star dropping to the ground and the sudden shock of a black bird , but he could not piece it together or remember the order of events . He was sweating , and chilled to the bone . He struggled to bring the dream back into his mind , but when he heard a faint noise in the hall , he went to the door to listen more closely . Two men were whispering as they passed the door of the room . " The snow storm has probably kept them . We 'll wait , " said the other . There was the sound of a door closing , and that was the all Star heard . He contemplated waking up his friends , but instead went to the sink by the door , poured some water from the porcelain pitcher and washed his face . He found a book on the table by the door . It was a Bible . It told the story , as Star of Justice knew quite well , of the Elkron who created the World , and how the races of giants and men waged enormous wars both for and against them across the ages . He picked it up and sat on the chair by the door and read a chapter . It was very illuminating , and nearly put him to sleep again . " They 're here , " came a whispered voice from the other side of the door . Someone had come up the stairs and was speaking to another person in the hallway . Some footsteps were heard walking past and down the stairs . Star waited a minute or so , opened the door and walked out . There was a man standing in the hall in front of a door with his arms folding across his chest . They looked at each other . He went downstairs and saw the men whom he had followed were entering a side room from the tavern . It was an elegant looking room with sofa 's , candle lamps , tea tables and a girl was serving drinks from a silver tray . In the main tavern room were a number of people sitting in various states of turpitude , the music having finally ceased not long before . No one was talking , except those in the tearoom , but Star could not hear what they were saying . He took a seat at the bar and ordered a cup of hot tea from the barkeep , who returned with a steaming kettle shortly . Nursing the tea he sat at the bar and watched the scene . He still could not hear anyone speaking . One person was sitting at a long wooden table by the fire with a mug of ale . A few people a table down were sitting with ales looking at the fire . There were a number of peasant farmers sitting at a table . One fell forward so his head was resting on his arm , and his mug slipped out of hand and clattered on the floor . No one seemed to notice . There was a man with heavy furs who came out of another room with a glass door on the other side of the tavern . After a few minutes the door to the tavern opened , blowing in gusts of snow - laden wind . Several swarthy men entered wearing heavy wool cloaks and bearing swords . They were grizzly looking rough necks whose darting glances covered the tavern rapidly . One went to the bar , and whispered something to the bartender . Star could not overhear what they said , though he tried , and the man walked back to the others . They took another look around the tavern , and went back out , slamming the great green door behind them . The only person in the room who seemed to take notice of the men was the person sitting at the long table by the fire , whose head turned in their direction briefly , but then went back to studying the fire . No one else was speaking . For some reason Star took the notion that there was something odd about the people there . Perhaps it was merely the late hour , and partial sleep , and strange dream that made him feel that way . Someone came out into the tavern from the room with the glass door . He was a large man wearing an expensive fur , and had a bejeweled broach on his cloak . He looked to be a rather important personage , and certainly behaved that way . He summoned the girl with an imperious wave of his hand and she came running over . He handed her a piece of paper , and she went immediately to the tearoom and handed it to a man who was sitting there . Meanwhile Star noticed that the person who had been sitting at the long table had gotten up and was walking to the bar . Star caught a glimpse of red hair and a black skullcap . He did not pay any particular attention to her , and she looked sideways at him as she sat at the bar near him . After a short curt nod to her , Star got up and walked up the stairs to the room . In the hall the man who he saw on the way down was still standing in front of a door . He was not sure if he should wake the others , but he felt that something strange was going on . He woke Hermel from dreams of Ishcandar and explained briefly what he saw . Hermel looked out the window . There was six inches of snow on the panes . Hermel went to the water basin , picked up the porcelain pitcher and walked out of the room and headed down stairs . Star decided it might be a good time to bless his morning star , just in case something untoward happened . He called upon Eldrik the Elkron of the Sun , and suddenly a black bird smacked against the windowpane cracking it , and his morning star fell from his hands . He had a very bad feeling about this . The window broke and the wind howled as snow swirled into the room . The black bird fluttered off info the darkness . It reminded him of something but he could not remember what . Almost like deja vue . Hermel walked to the stairs and looked down into the tavern . He could see two tables , and heard people moving . Someone passed the bottom of the stairs , lumbering past heavily . He heard other movements , and chairs scrapping against the floorboards . He dropped the pitcher so that it broke on the stairs , and loudly cursing he returned to his room and began putting on his armor . Everyone else was woken up and they all get ready for battle , and put their armor on . Arik took a while to wake up , but eventually he was roused out of bed , grumbling . Hermel looked out the window . Snow was coming down in long white sheets . There must have been two feet on the ground . " I suspect that I 've managed to curse us , " said Star , looking down at his black tinged morning star , and then at the broken window pain , now piled up with snow . They heard some people in the hall . " I think this will go quite well , " said a man . Hermel considered , listening to the howling wind outside , that they would all probably be stuck there for a few days . He was grateful that they 'd not had to try to hole up in the stone circle . So , Bantum turned out to be a lucky charm for them after all . It seemed almost ironic somehow . A Busy Breakfast They waited in the room for a while , and outside it began to grow light . The party decided to head for breakfast , concluding that nothing too exciting would happen after all . They disarmed and went downstairs . The barkeep was hustling around serving breakfasts , looking a bit bleary . Hermel apologized for breaking the pitcher the night before , and the barkeep said he 'd add it to his tab . They talked about the weather , and the barkeep suggested that the storm would not let up that day . They ate breakfast . It seemed that the inn was serving some wealthy patrons , and so all the guests would benefit that morning , including our ragtag heroes . It was good farmer fare , bread , chicken , cheese , and eggs , with milk , and apple juice and plenty of potatoes . It was quite the spread . " Did you see my kitty ? " asked Bantum of everyone he saw , but the apologetic patrons had not seen it . Hermel noticed , after a while , that there were not really so many people there as the night before . That struck him as a bit odd , since the snow storm was so heavy … how could anyone have left the inn ? Hermel discussed the possibility of leaving the Inn with the others at a table in the corner of the tavern . Hornmel said it would not be a good idea to try to cross the jagged passes through the hills in this kind of weather , so the decided to stay . There were two of the four grizzled unsavory looking men with dark green woolen cloaks sitting in a corner that Hermel noticed had not been there the night before that he could remember . He went over and tried striking up conversation with them . " Why don 't you run along ? " " I have a bad leg . I think I 'll walk , " said Hermel and went back to his men . One of the grizzled men got up and went to the bar . He spoke quietly with the barkeep , who glanced over at Hermel and then at the other grizzled man by the window . He nodded and the rough neck went back and sat down with his friend . They both seemed to be keeping a steady eye on things both inside and outside the tavern . Down stairs came the large fat man from the night before . New Guests , Further Intrigues " Senior Borge ! " said the barkeep , and went over to offer him a table . Two younger men who were carrying books and taking notes as they walked attended him . Senior Borge was dictating to them various instructions that sounded legal in nature . One was writing and the other looking things up and reading them to the other from one of several books . Hermel glanced over to the rough necks in the corner , but they seemed to have no particular interest in Senior Borge . Another man came down stairs . He seemed a rather friendly sort . He nodded to Arik politely as he passed him on the way to his table . The serving girl took his order and went to the kitchen . He thanked her politely , a slight accent in his speech . Hermel offered a friendly " Good morning " to the man , and was greeted in return . The party members asked if he cared to join them , and so the man came to where they were sitting and they all conversed about the weather . " If I have to spend another night in this fine inn , " Hermel said , " as nice as it is , I think I shall go stir crazy . But at least someone around here knows how to be friendly , " he added with a loud enough voice to be heard across the room . " Indeed , " said the man uncomprehendingly . " My name is Frank . Where do you folks hail from ? " " I come from … Lilac village , " he replied , still seeming to be a bit nonplused . Hermel knew of this village . It was one of the more successful artisan villages of the Six Village region . He 'd never been there himself , but he 'd heard plenty of stories about it where he grew up in the impoverished farming village of Yellow Clay . They conversed at the table over breakfast for a while . Frank explained that he was a gardener in Lilac village and was traveling around on the off - season to other villages to explore a bit , and learn from other gardeners if he can find any . He mentioned he planned at some point to go to Hobbington , as well . Star of Justice was looking at his morning star . It seemed to have a kind of odd black tinge to it . It annoyed him . He tried rubbing the black tinge off with a corner of a cloth , but it didn 't help . He considered that he should try to get a new morning star when he got a chance . As he was doing this , the conversation continued . Frank mentioned that he was traveling the area and was wondering if they would take him with them to Bear Claw Village . The roads , he mentioned , outside of Lilac were more difficult to manage than he expected . Meanwhile , Arik , was looking out the window , reflecting that the snow storm would likely have driven any travelers on the road to this Inn . He took another look around the room , half expecting , for some reason , to see Garrison . He wasn 't there , of course . Down the stairs from the second floor came a woman with blond hair . She was attended by a young man who was coming down the stairs just behind her . Suddenly she tripped on something and fell down the stairs . At the bottom she sat herself up and held her ankle in her hands with a sheepish , pained look on her pretty face . Hermel arose immediately and rushed to her side , his cloak billowing behind him handsomely . " Miss , are you alright ? " he asked with great sincerity . " Yeah , he 's going to rub dirt on your ankle , I 'll wager , " said Arik with a laugh . She looked at him with some alarm . But Hermel had taken out a smooth stone and with a low sung incantation to Minvar , the Earth Elkron , he rubbed her ankle briefly until the pain had gone . She stood up , and put some pressure on her foot . It was fine . She thanked him profusely . " You see , the pain from the ankle goes into the stone , " explained Hermel . " My name is Hermel . It 's nice to meet you , " he said . " My name is Jane , and this is my companion , John , " she said gesturing to the young man beside her , who was equally amazed . The two exchanged glances . Hermel noticed that they also had slight accents that sounded similar to Frank 's . " Oh those two ? Yes the came in last night . Nice enough people , I 'd say . Hmm … do you know how many villages there are on the way to Bear Claw ? " Hornmel , who was eating breakfast still , answered that there were quite a few small settlements along the way , but they were more hamlets than villages , really . Hermel went on about the dangers of the journey . " What kind of dangers ? " asked Frank , looking troubled . " Oh , well I 'm not sure . I 've heard stories . Strange tracks in the wilderness . Three - toeed things of some sort . Some call them devils , I suppose , but I doubt that , " said Hermel . " I 've not , but I can 't say that I don 't believe it either . The Elkron work in mysterious ways , " he concluded , looking up from his morning star , which he was still rubbing with a cloth . " Oh ? Do you serve the Mighty Ones ? " asked Frank reverently . " We should be heading upstairs , " said Hermel . He paid the bill for his friends and they all got ready to head back to their room . When the barkeep came to bring the bill , Bantum recognized him from the night before and standing up excitedly said hello to him . " Good ! I can 't wait to see them again , " said Bantum . " They 're waiting to see you , too , " said the barkeep . " Good good , " replied Bantum merrily . " I 'm going to take them on a trip with us when we leave ! It 'll be fun ! " he said , joy rising up in his voice . The barkeep looked worried . He hustled away to the bar , and looking behind him at Bantum once or twice , vanished hastily into the kitchen . Everyone headed up stairs and went to their room . Hermel mentioned that he thought there was something odd about the guests in the Inn . The fact that Frank and Jane and John all had the same faint accent , and that Frank asked a lot of questions about things he ought to know , struck him as a bit strange . Hormmel agreed it was a bit odd , and mentioned that he didn 't recognize the accent either . Arik said that he 'd never heard of a professional gardener , but the others thought that was not so odd , maybe . " I 'd sooner trust those rough necks in the corner , to be honest , " said Hermel finally . " I 'd rather thrash the ruffians in the corner , " barked Arik with a harsh laugh . " I 'd not try too hard to stop you , I think , " said Hermel lying down on his bed . " I suggest we get some sleep now . The night time is too harrowing around here , " he suggested . They moved the table in front of the door and laid down on their beds . Bantum complained that he wasn 't tired , so Arik had him lay down and he told him a fanciful story of the " Three Chickens and the Black Cat " . In the end of the story the cat had eaten the chickens , and then died in an avalanche as the world spiraled into the sun . Bantum lay awake in bed staring at the ceiling for a long time . Later there was a knock at the door . It was the chambermaid who came to clean the room , but the fighting men sent her away . She looked disappointed . Star generously gave her an iron piece and she curtsied with a grateful thank you and went away . Hermel thought about what he might need to ask of her , but he gave up and rolled over to go back to sleep . Outside the snow was falling steadily . It had snowed all night and well into the morning . The young adventurers spent the day lounging around the Inn as there was no where to go , and nothing much to do . That night there was another big party down in the tavern . There was music and cheering and lots of food and drink . Many people were there . Bantum and Arik went downstairs to partake in the festivities . They saw that there were farmers , and Frank , Jane and John , the four rough necks , and Senior Borge and his men , as well as others who had taken up fancy chandelier room where an elegant dinner party was taking place . There was a large crowd dancing and singing along with the fiddlers and flutists . The barkeep and his young serving girls were all keeping very busy . His wife was in the kitchen , and she poked her head out once in a while to smile with satisfaction and clap her hands to the music . Hermel very quietly cast a spell . He made an illusion of a brown wooden ball . He outdid himself . It was the most perfect illusion he 'd ever made . Not only was the shading and the color subtle and detailed , but it was so real looking that he actually began to believe that it actually was real . In fact it was such an amazingly perfect illusion that people from across the room who noticed it 's " realness " were so attracted to it that they came over to look at it . A crowd formed around the table . Hermel , meanwhile , had gotten three tea cups and was in the process of cajoling some farmers into guessing which cup it was under . The farmers , who believed in the illusionary ball completely , wagered small amounts of money on the fact that it must be under the middle cup . Now for the coup de grace … Hermel commanded the illusion , under his breath , to dissipate . But there was a slight problem . When he lifted the cup the ball was still there , looking so wonderful and true he could not take his eyes off of it . He was very annoyed though . He 'd bet a goodly sum on the wager to try and recoup his loss on the black whiskey , but could not dispel the illusion because he actually believed that the ball was real after all . The farmers insisted he pay up . And so Hermel , took out his ever - lightening leather pouch and handed over 4 iron pieces he 'd lost in the wager . He sat down rather disgruntled . The farmers asked if they could have the ball , and Hermel , annoyed , waved his hand in assent . " Wow , " one farmer said to the others , " this is like the most real ball I 've ever seen in my life . " The others agreed as they walked back to the merry making , tossing the ball in the air between each other and laughing . Hermel stared at them in disbelief . He thought it over and realized that not only had he cast the most successful illusion of his life , but he actually succeeded in materializing the ball . He was amazed at himself , and this thought cheered him up quite a bit after all . Meanwhile Bantum was doing " the chicken dance " across the tavern . He wasn 't dancing very well , and fell over several times , fortunately not on anyone , least they perish . The barkeep 's wife came over to him and greeted him very nicely , and gave him a free jar of hot apple cider . " Oh thank you ! " he said . " Nice to seeee you ! " " Nice to see you , too , " she replied with a curtsy and went back to the kitchen , thinking the cider would calm his spirits down a bit , and perhaps save a guest or two . The tavern door opened with a huge gust of snow - laden wind . A rough looking man with a dark green cloak and cowl covering his face walked in from outside and shook the snow off himself . He went over to the four ruffians in the corner . They talked quietly amongst each other and food and ale was brought to their table . Hermel looked around for the beautiful red haired girl from the night before , but she was nowhere to be seen . He felt disappointed , and went back to his cup of cider , watching the farmers playing catch with the ball . He waved his hand , and to his surprise the ball disappeared in mid air . The farmers , astonished , began yelling ! There was a commotion as they began looking all over for the ball . " Did you see that ? ! " yelled one . " It vanished in mid air " yelled another . They all began looking under the tables and chairs . As they did , Hermel noticed a face in the window . As soon as he saw the eyes peering though a small circle cleared in the frosty pane they focused directly on him and then vanished . There was something very strange about that face , thought Hermel . It was a dark face . The eyes seemed yellowish . The face was covered by what looked like a gray cowl , but the nose was strangely shaped . He didn 't like that face . " Did anyone of you guys see that creepy guy in the window just now ? " he asked his friends . But none of them had seen it . Hermel began to think that it might not be a bad idea necessarily to ask the farmers , who very likely lived not far off , if they could shelter for the night with them . He became less and less certain that the Inn would prove to be a safe place to weather through the storm in after all . He almost felt as though the face in the window had looked at him with a sinister intention . He got a sudden chill down his spine and shivered . " Shall we go weather the storm with the farmers ? " he asked Star of Justice . " It 's nice here , " said Bantum . " I don 't want to leave . " The Missing Farmer The tavern door opened again , and the winds blew in more snow in a great gust . A woman entered , covered in white , and shook the snow off of herself . She was a handsome looking woman with a serious expression . She was wearing a plain but serviceable fur lined coat with a hood , and fringed with beads . She looked around , and not seeing what she wanted , she went straight to the bar . Hermel , glad to see yet another woman , made his way over to the bar , too . He was followed by Star . He happened to catch what the woman was saying to the barkeep . " What ? I 'm sorry Lanna , but I don 't have any idea ! He was here making merry and gambling with the others until the wee hours , and when I closed up he was gone . I didn 't see him . I supposed he went home , too , " he said . " Perhaps you passed him in the snow storm on the road , " he offered finally . " I don 't know what to tell you , " he said gruffly . " He was gambling . He left in the wee hours . I didn 't see him after that . " Star of Justice had a sense that the barkeep was lying . The woman sat down dejected . Star gave Hermal a significant look . He asked Star in a whisper if he 'd gotten a good look at the guy who had been at the table in the wee hours that he 'd mentioned . The woman meanwhile was given a stiff drink by the barkeep and she sat drinking it down unhappily . Hermel took note that she was , actually , quite attractive looking . He contemplated helping her somehow . He slicked back his hair with the palm of his hand . " Your husband 's probably dead , " he said . " You should look to the future . " She glared at him incredulously . " Do I look good to you ? " he asked . " I 'm third level , " he said . " You don 't see that every day , " he added proudly . She smiled , realizing that he must be jesting with her . Star asked her if she could describe her husband . She did and he said that he thought he 'd seen him there in the wee hours , sitting at a table . He might have passed out , he added . He asked if her husband was usually talkative and garrulous . She said that he loved to sing and dance . She added he nor any of his friends came back to their homes last night , explaining that they lived in a small settlement a few miles from the Inn . Her husband was a regular there . She was wearing , Hermel noticed , a bear claw necklace . " Well , we 'll walk you home , " offered Hermel . " Um , sure , sure . Just offering . Anyway , have you ever seen that girl over there before ? " he asked pointing to Jane who was dancing in the middle of the tavern with Bantum who had lifter her up by one hand into the air and put her down on a table top . " Nope . Never seen her before in my life , " she said . " Why not ? " said Hermel . Then thinking it over he said , " Look , I 'm a good guy . I can heal people , so I must be good , right ? " He took out his healing stone and clouted himself on the hand with it . He then healed it by rubbing the stone on it . She looked at his hand and then at him , then at his hand , then at him again . Her expression was one of perplexity . She couldn 't tell , really , if he was mad , or joking , or just plain stupid . She decided he was joking . " Well , I saw a sinister face in the window , so if you want to go home alone , go right ahead , " he went on , a bit miffed at her reticence . " I will protect you , lady , " said Bantum who had wandered over and sat down at the bar with them and began devouring a roast chicken . She looked up a Bantum . " Hmm … you seem like the nice sort , " she said . Hermel glared at Bantum . " I 'd love to help you find him as well , " he answered , taking a bite of a chicken leg . " I 'd not be surprised if something bad is going on here . But I 'm at a loss as to what to do at the moment , " he stammered . " I … I … I 'm afraid I don 't know these parts , or this tavern very well . " " If I might be so bold , frankly , I think that bartender knows more than he 's saying , " she said . " I think you 're right , " replied Star . " But trying to pry that information out of him won 't get us anywhere . " Meawhile , in the latrine , Hermel was thinking . " Well , we could follow her home without her knowing . She probably needs protecting . " He finished his business and went back to the bar . She looked at him without much expectation . He didn 't say anything but fluffed out his cloak so that it billowed briefly . " No he won 't , " she said with a pout . " Well , I 'm going to ask him for you ! Ok ? " said Bantum standing up suddenly . Bantum lumbered over to the barkeep who was bringing out a large platter of roast chickens . When he saw the giant striding towards him purposefully , he quickly shoved the platter into the closet and slammed the door shut and stood with his back to it smiling up at Bantum with great anxiety . One of the chickens had fallen on the ground , and he pushed it behind him with his foot . " I don 't know what to do ! " said Bantum loudly . " That lady said he knows , but he says he doesn 't , and you say that he can 't lie , but that lady wouldn 't lie to me ! I want my chickens ! " " Fine ! The chickens are fine ! I will bring them to you . I will bring them to you soon , soon . I brought them to you earlier , " he said and Bantum , not understanding , was appeased . The barkeep turned around and went back into the kitchen and shut the door behind him . " He 's a nice guy who 's willing to help me out . Nobody else here is , " she answered staring at him . Hermel slammed his fist on the bar top . Hermel stood thinking . Star stood thinking . Arik was on his third ale and heartily devouring a third roast chicken , potatoes , corn and a loaf of barley bread with butter . Hornmel was nursing his ale , and watching over the room . Bantum , well , he just stood there like a great dumb ox waiting for someone to tell him what to do next . " Why not ? You look like the adventurous sort , but you sure don 't act like it , " she said with a sharply sarcastic edge . She gave Star a penetrating look . " Well , I can 't sneak into the kitchen . It 's their kitchen . It would be wrong , " answered Star . " Oy , " she said , looking crestfallen . " Look , why don 't we start this over again , " said Hermel . " My name is Hermel . Nice to meet you . " " Oh come on ! " he said , getting exasperated again . " I 'm a nice guy . You trust this guy , right ? " he said pointing to Bantum . And with this they went out on the porch and stood in the bitter cold wind . Snow was piled up high everywhere , and on the porch beneath the window Hermel saw a set of tracks had been made , but were mostly covered over by then . The tracks went from the window , across the porch and then out into the darkness . " Did you happen to step over there before you came in ? " he asked Lanna . " That 's what I 'm saying , " replied Hermel peering out into the darkness . " There are strange things going on here . And quite frankly , we 're trapped here . And yes , my companion saw someone slumped at the table who looked like your husband , but we don 't know what happened to him after that , alright ? And quite frankly , we 're stuck here . And you should not be out alone . And I suggest you either stay here , or you let us walk you home , " said Hermel . " I don 't know where your husband is , " Hermel concluded . " I am trying to find him , " said Lanna slowly . " I don 't need to go home . I need your help to find my husband . He 's here somewhere . " Arik , who had been quiet up till then , said that he would go into the kitchen and find out what was going on . The others waited for him as he sauntered back inside , grabbed a tankard from a table , and waddled to the kitchen door . Pushing it open he saw a cook and an assistant working at the vats and ovens and dishes . They didn 't take immediate notice of him , so he walked in and began making his way to the back door , which was open . He figured the barkeep had gone that way . " Hey hey , you can 't come in here ! " said the cook as he took notice of him . Arik pretended to be drunk and shouted for the barkeep , saying he wanted another beer , and kept moving toward the door . The cook interceded between him and the door and ushered him back into the bar saying he would tell the barkeep to get back out there as soon as he came back . Arik grumbled , and headed back out and returned to the porch where he explained what happened . " I 'm not that lost , " she replied caustically . " You seem lost . I 'm trying to find my husband . I 'm pretty clear on that . Ok ? " " You don 't know he 's lying ? " she snapped back at him . " I know he 's lying . All I have to do is listen to him . He sounds like he 's lying . And his story doesn 't make any sense . You can 't tell that ? Didn 't you think he was lying ? " At that Hermel decided to take action . He said he would go around the side of the building . He headed off into the snow . It was about two feet deep or more . Light was coming through the windows , so it wasn 't terribly dark next to the building . As he passed the first window he heard Hornmel talking with another farmer saying , " But that ball was so reeeeaaal though . I never saw a ball that reeeaaaal before … it was realer than real , really , wasn 't it … ? " Hermel continued . He got to the far corner . He heard voices . It was the barkeep . Follow the Mystery Man " I don 't care what you have to do , just move them along . And make it snappy , " the barkeep said . A door slammed and then Hermel heard someone approaching through the snow . He was moving along side of the Inn . Hermel waited for him to pass , hiding in the shadow of a bush next to the house . He ran back to the others and asked if they wanted to follow the man . Meanwhile Arik was inside and when the barkeep showed up again , he began bending his ear with a tall tale about a bartender who didn 't take care of his customers very well and was finally eaten by rats … and chickens … and then the world spiraled into the sun . The barkeep got a sickly look and went to fetch Arik another ale . He kept an eye on the barkeep , whom he noticed had given a nod to the rough necks sitting in at the table in the corner . He signaled Hornmel who was by the window engaged in a deep conversation with the farmers . " No you mix three parts sheep shit , and two parts cow shit , and that 's the best for the corn , " he was saying with authority . " But what about the piss ? " he asked another farmer . " You don 't want to waste that , do you ? " Arik tapped him on the shoulder and took him aside . He suggested they should probably follow after Hermel . And so the two of them went out on the porch , just as Hermel was jogging back up the stairs . They agreed to follow after the mystery man who had made his way to a nearby barn . Star of Justice decided to try once more to bless his morning star before battle . He thought it seemed to work a little better this time , but it was too dark to tell if the black tinge had dissipated . There was a light in the barn . The adventurers followed . There was a brief argument . " Is any of this germane ? I want to find my Husband , you imbeciles ! " she yelled . The fighting men were still debating her physical merits . " Look , tell me which way the tracks go and I 'll go look for him myself , " she demanded , stomping her foot . Hermel felt a pang of annoyance , but in the end they decided she could go with them after all . The tracks led to the barn . They got to the door , which was slightly ajar and Hermel peered inside . The barn appeared to be empty except for chickens that were clucking and scratching at feed that was strewn across the dirt floor . Hornmel check the door for traps . They opened the barn door , and the chickens began clucking and dashing around . They closed the door as Bantum ran around trying to catch the chickens for his new bandolier . Hermel made his way up a ladder as quietly as possible that went up to a loft . He got to the top and saw something moving in the hay . He put his hand on his sword . He climbed up , and pushed the hay to the side with his sword . He saw a leg . Suddenly a girl turned over , revealing herself and a man who was laying there with her . They both had an open gazed look , and Hermel apologized and climbed back down the ladder . They soon followed and left the barn , sheepish expressions on their faces . Bantum got a rope form the wall and was fixing up a new bandolier when Hermel came down . " No no no … " he said . " I want my chickens , " said Bantum . " Ok , " said Bantum and gave him the chicken . Hermel then whispered the word " Ludicrous " in the chickens ear , and handed it back to Bantum . " Now , ask the chicken … what word did I say ? " Bantum took the chicken and held it up to his ear . " He says you don 't speak chicken , " said Bantum . " Would you like a chicken ? " Bantum asked Lanna holding it out to her . She began looking around the edges of the barn , and she stopped . " I found something , " she said , pointing to a rope ring on the floor of the barn . The rest of the group gathered around . Sure enough there was a rope ring . Arik pulled on it and a square trap door opened up , descending into darkness . Bantum tossed a chicken down the shaft . They heard flapping and then the chicken landed with a squawk and a thud . No further noise returned . They decided to climb down the ladder and see what was down there . Bantum went first . It was very dark down there . Bantum found his chicken . It wasn 't moving . He felt sad , and called up to the others to tell them that the chicken was not feeling well . Hermel went and bolted the barn door . He 'd decided that they would go down and explore the tunnel . And so down the ladder they went . At the bottom there was a pitch - black corridor , perfectly square . Bantum was already walking down the sloping corridor into the darkness . " Wait . I 'm the man with the sword , and you 're the woman who needs help . So I 'm supposed to go down into the danger , and you 're supposed to stay here and , you know , cower timidly , and stuff . That 's how it 's supposed to work , see ? " " I 'm going down , " she said and climbed down the ladder . Hermel climbed down after her . Hornmel , not following directions once again , followed behind Hermel , closing the trap door behind him . Hermel scowled . " Why doesn 't anyone listen to me ? " he asked of no one . Bantum was twenty feet ahead , his voice still echoing down the corridor . It was dark . In fact , it was pitch black . Previous Episode : Journey to Bear Claw Village Elthos is a traditional style RPG Rules System that first made its appearance in 1978 . The Mythos Machine is the web application that comprehensively supports the Elthos RPG with two major features . The World Weaver 's Studio helps GMs with building their Worlds , and populating them with Places , Campaigns , Adventures and Things ( Equipment , Weapons , Armors , Cultures , Races , Classes , Mystic Powers , Skills , etc ) . GamesMaster 's Toolbox serves as number cruncher for Character Generation , Adventure Groups Management , and running Reports , the most popular being the Print World Report which produces a nicely formatted print out of your World , Places , Campaigns , Adventures , and optionally includes Character Stat Blocks , Maps , Images , and Campaign History . The Elthos RPG & Mythos Machine were reviewed by Mark Knights here : Elthos RPG - More than Meets The EyeTo join the Open Beta , download the Elthos RPG Rules and try out the Mythos Machine for yourself for free , please visit http : / / Elthos . com I 'm VB Wyrde , a Role Playing Game designer , working on the Elthos Game System , which I started in 1978 . Ok , I 'm a slow poke . Don 't rush me ! ~ ~ Spoiler Alert ! ~ ~ If you are one of my Players , you are in the wrong place . Please back away slowly and no one will get hurt . Thanks . . .
|
Let the game flow in terms of rules . If you run into a rules issue try to avoid getting caught up in niddling over rules with players in - game . Go with what you think is right as arbitrator of the game , and suggest letting the rule stand for the current game and do research on it afterwards . Be willing to retrofit game events in case you happen to have been incorrect with a ruling , if necessary . Play the game without trying to Beat the Players and win the game for your NPCs , while still playing the NPCs as smart as they would be according to their own intelligence , levels or other characteristics that would come into play . Use GM Fiat wisely . There is a time and place for Fiat , but it can easily be abused . Try to be as fair as an umpire should be . Treat all Player Characters equally . If you have a significant other , or best friend playing , make sure that you treat all characters equally without any particular favoritism . Game Preparations Know the rules of your game system system well . It pays to study the rules carefully in advance of playing . This is one reason why I prefer a rules - light system , myself . Be prepared for each game . Have your NPCs and monsters , and back story sussed out in advance . If you feel unprepared it is sometimes better to postpone than play without proper prep . There is a fine line between rich story , and over complicated . When you have more than three hanging threads in the current story , it 's a good time to start tying them together again before introducing new threads . This helps with avoiding confusion , dissipation and contradictions within the story . On the their side of the coin , overly simplistic scenarios can turn out to be too bland , so if you only have one thread , or sub - plot , it 's a good time to introduce a second . Often you can get sub - plot ideas directly from the player character 's actions . For example , did someone leave a wounded Kobold behind ? Maybe he follows behind the party causing troubles from afar . Monty Hall Dungeons can work , sometimes , but not often , so use them sparingly . Used once in a while they can be a lot of fun , and rewarding for the Player Characters that survive it , but making them the entire campaign can wind up being uninteresting after a while . Remain sensitive to the mood of the players . Try to establish party unity in the back story or setting . Perhaps the party are all members of the same family , or Adventure Guild , or army . Building cohesion of the group in the back story helps the players to justify staying together rather than wandering off on the separate ways during the course of the campaign . Know your world well . Have a good familiarity and understanding of the map , the history , politics and economics of your world ( within reason ) . It helps tremendously with playing ' sandbox ' style games where the Players are free to roam around as their inclinations lead them . Gamesmastering Style Allow Players to roam around your world and explore . Let the story flow from the interests and actions of their characters , rather than trying to control the story according to a preconceived plot . This is what is meant by " sandbox " style . Use descriptive narration to give the players a sense of the environment , including what they see , hear , and feel . An example would be " The characters enter the edge of a cedar wood forest , shaded with dappled sunlight , beautifully scented . Birds are singing , the air is warm , and a breeze is rustling the leaves in the trees around them . " Pace the granting of treasures and goodies , including information about the world . Let the players work for what they get and they will appreciate it more . Let PCs die if they play their characters foolishly . Don 't bend over backwards to keep them from suffering the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune . It makes them play smarter next time . One thing you can do , however , especially for favorite characters that die , is to provide some means by which those characters may be able to be returned to the world of the living . Other - world Quests are a good means of doing so . Try to illicit emotions from the Players by using descriptive narrative to create moods , and Player Character relationships to create dramatic tension within the context of the story . Make your monsters scary , rather than ' Experience Point Bags ' by describing them in ways that leave players mystified in various aspects . Instead of announcing " there are four third level orcs in the room " you can use atmospheric descriptive narrative to leave it ambiguous at the start of the encounter . . . " When the door bursts open , Rothmon shoves his lantern through the door . There are flickering shadows dancing everywhere . From the north corner a dark faced orc with fangs bared is leaping toward the door . Behind him you see two shadows emerging from the darkness wearing spiked helms , unsheathing glinting steel swords . You hear a loud grunt and snarl coming from behind the door , but you can not see that part of the room . " Same situation , but as you can see the second one is much more engaging , and leaves the players as unsure about the exact circumstances as they would be in real life had they burted into a room under the same conditions . Make your villains dangerous . They are the plotters and planners of devious machinations , so play them that way . However , don 't give them knowledge of things that their characters would not know , such as which way the party went , if it is something the villain would not have knowledge of . In other words , don 't make your villains invincible . Just play them like smart monsters that plan ahead , set traps , and the like - not like gods who know everything . Throw a little romance into the game . Let the NPCs occasionally show some romantic interest in the Player Characters . This can add noble incentives for the Player Characters ( your Princess has been kidnapped , etc ) , or provide points of humor during the course of the game ( the Player Character who just can 't score , etc ) . Good Gaming to you ! Let me know if you have other suggestions that you might like to see on this list , and I 'll be happy to tack them on . Thanks Chris for inspiring this post . : ) It was the dead of night . The adventurers were sleeping in their room on the third floor of the Prancing Unicorn Inn . Snow covered the land with a silent white blanket . Downstairs a crowd reveled far into the night and early hours of the morning . The noise , and occasional shaking of the rafters , managed to keep Hermel awake . He rolled over once . He rolled over twice . He looked out the window . Snow covered the window half way up the panes . The wind howled through the trees . Downstairs he heard the huge guffaws of his giant friend Bantum , who was clearly having a grand old time . The rafters shook again , dust falling from the ceiling . He turned over and thought to himself , " How would Ischandar handle this ? " He got up from his bed , put on his shirt and pants , and stumbling into the hall , made his way down the party . There he saw Bantum dancing away happily to the music of flutes and fiddles . Everyone was having a merry time of it all . Hermel scowled to himself as he crossed over to the bar . " What 's the strongest drink you 've got ? " he asked the barkeep , who looked at him with a raised eyebrow . " A whole bottle ? ! " the barkeep asked with surprise . " Why that would put down every man in the room ! " he said . " How much ? " asked Hermel , unfazed . " Well , mate , it 'll break your purse , but if you insist … it 's 40 Iron . " " Well , ok … but don 't drink more than a shot or I 'll have to drag you up to your room , " said the barkeep placing a large black bottle of black liquor on the bar . Hermel took it in his hand and carried it over to where Bantum was dancing . He managed to catch the big guy 's attention and over the music said , " Bantum ! I want to thank you for having found this great and lively place for us to sleep ! Here , have a drink on me ! " " Thank you , " said Bantum delighted and honored , and drank down the entire bottle with huge gulps . He burped . Other than that Hermel could not detect the slightest effect . Bantum burped again , and smiled . He then went back to dancing , only a little more wild and carefree than before . Hermel went and sat down in a corner to watch . The happy giant seemed fine . Bantum danced merrily to the music laughing and clapping his huge hands . While they were conversing , Bantum wobbled , and fell into a table , smashing it to smithereens . " Oooooo , sorry ! " cried out Bantum . He felt dizzy . He began dancing wildly . Not a few people , having seen the interaction , were staring incredulously at Hermel who still had the empty bottle of Black Whiskey sitting in front of him . The Chicken Soup Thickens The door to the tavern opened . A cloaked figure with a deep cowl entered the tavern and walked straight to the bar . Standing next to him , Hermel peered inside the deep cowl to see that the new comer was a very beautiful girl with a black leather skullcap that came to a widow 's peak at the center of her forehead . He caught a glimpse of gorgeous red hair flowing down her neck . He spit into his hand and slicked back his hair as suavely as he could . He took note of the fact that she was carrying a blue and brown blanket bundle in her arm . The barkeep came over quickly and they had a whispered conversation . Hermel thrummed the bar counter with his fingers . She was already heading away to the stairs going up to the second floor . Hermel wilted . He realized he lost his opportunity . When she got to the stairs she took a sweeping glance around the room , and caught Hermel 's eye in passing . Seeing this , he immediately decided to play it cool . The effect in fact was that his eyes suddenly bulged when her beautiful sea - green gaze met his , and then he darted his eyes away , settling on the idea that he had come across as alluringly disinterested . He slicked his hair back again . This could work out well after all , he thought . She was gone up the stairs . Thinking quickly , Hermel muttered an incantation under his breath . On the stairs a piece of black cloth that was half hidden in a shadow transformed into the shape of a fat black cat . Hermel walked over to Bantum and pointed to the apparition . " Ohhhh ! My kitty ! " cried the dull witted behemoth . Hermel deliberately put himself between Bantum and the illusion , and dispelled it so that it vanished . Bantum however was convinced he 'd seen his big black kitty and so he tumbled up the stairs looking for it . They made it noisily all the way to the third floor , where Hermel guided Bantum into their room . He remained outside while Bantum settled into his bed . His feet hung far over the edge , but in a few moments he was quite happily snoring away . Outside in the hall , Hermel noticed that one of the doors was ajar . When he looked , he thought it was the girl with the red hair and green eyes peering out at him . The door shut suddenly . Hermel slicked his hair back again and sauntered over to her door and knocked quietly . There was no answer . He knocked again a little louder . " Go away , " hissed the girl from behind the door . " Ok … I just hope my friend 's noisiness didn 't disturb you , " replied Hermel politely . Hermel staggered back to the room . He ruffled up his hair as he looked in the mirror . " I 'm a handsome guy , " he thought . Useless . He blew out the candle and got into his bed . It was quite comfortable and shortly he felt warm waves of cozy sleepiness washing over him , despite the music and laughter still coming up from downstairs and the snoring of all his companions . The time passed swiftly . Star of Justice awoke with a start from strange dream , but he did not remember the dream very well . Something about a long corridor , a strange dark green five pronged wheel on a red stone perhaps , his morning star dropping to the ground and the sudden shock of a black bird , but he could not piece it together or remember the order of events . He was sweating , and chilled to the bone . He struggled to bring the dream back into his mind , but when he heard a faint noise in the hall , he went to the door to listen more closely . Two men were whispering as they passed the door of the room . " The snow storm has probably kept them . We 'll wait , " said the other . There was the sound of a door closing , and that was the all Star heard . He contemplated waking up his friends , but instead went to the sink by the door , poured some water from the porcelain pitcher and washed his face . He found a book on the table by the door . It was a Bible . It told the story , as Star of Justice knew quite well , of the Elkron who created the World , and how the races of giants and men waged enormous wars both for and against them across the ages . He picked it up and sat on the chair by the door and read a chapter . It was very illuminating , and nearly put him to sleep again . " They 're here , " came a whispered voice from the other side of the door . Someone had come up the stairs and was speaking to another person in the hallway . Some footsteps were heard walking past and down the stairs . Star waited a minute or so , opened the door and walked out . There was a man standing in the hall in front of a door with his arms folding across his chest . They looked at each other . He went downstairs and saw the men whom he had followed were entering a side room from the tavern . It was an elegant looking room with sofa 's , candle lamps , tea tables and a girl was serving drinks from a silver tray . In the main tavern room were a number of people sitting in various states of turpitude , the music having finally ceased not long before . No one was talking , except those in the tearoom , but Star could not hear what they were saying . He took a seat at the bar and ordered a cup of hot tea from the barkeep , who returned with a steaming kettle shortly . Nursing the tea he sat at the bar and watched the scene . He still could not hear anyone speaking . One person was sitting at a long wooden table by the fire with a mug of ale . A few people a table down were sitting with ales looking at the fire . There were a number of peasant farmers sitting at a table . One fell forward so his head was resting on his arm , and his mug slipped out of hand and clattered on the floor . No one seemed to notice . There was a man with heavy furs who came out of another room with a glass door on the other side of the tavern . After a few minutes the door to the tavern opened , blowing in gusts of snow - laden wind . Several swarthy men entered wearing heavy wool cloaks and bearing swords . They were grizzly looking rough necks whose darting glances covered the tavern rapidly . One went to the bar , and whispered something to the bartender . Star could not overhear what they said , though he tried , and the man walked back to the others . They took another look around the tavern , and went back out , slamming the great green door behind them . The only person in the room who seemed to take notice of the men was the person sitting at the long table by the fire , whose head turned in their direction briefly , but then went back to studying the fire . No one else was speaking . For some reason Star took the notion that there was something odd about the people there . Perhaps it was merely the late hour , and partial sleep , and strange dream that made him feel that way . Someone came out into the tavern from the room with the glass door . He was a large man wearing an expensive fur , and had a bejeweled broach on his cloak . He looked to be a rather important personage , and certainly behaved that way . He summoned the girl with an imperious wave of his hand and she came running over . He handed her a piece of paper , and she went immediately to the tearoom and handed it to a man who was sitting there . Meanwhile Star noticed that the person who had been sitting at the long table had gotten up and was walking to the bar . Star caught a glimpse of red hair and a black skullcap . He did not pay any particular attention to her , and she looked sideways at him as she sat at the bar near him . After a short curt nod to her , Star got up and walked up the stairs to the room . In the hall the man who he saw on the way down was still standing in front of a door . He was not sure if he should wake the others , but he felt that something strange was going on . He woke Hermel from dreams of Ishcandar and explained briefly what he saw . Hermel looked out the window . There was six inches of snow on the panes . Hermel went to the water basin , picked up the porcelain pitcher and walked out of the room and headed down stairs . Star decided it might be a good time to bless his morning star , just in case something untoward happened . He called upon Eldrik the Elkron of the Sun , and suddenly a black bird smacked against the windowpane cracking it , and his morning star fell from his hands . He had a very bad feeling about this . The window broke and the wind howled as snow swirled into the room . The black bird fluttered off info the darkness . It reminded him of something but he could not remember what . Almost like deja vue . Hermel walked to the stairs and looked down into the tavern . He could see two tables , and heard people moving . Someone passed the bottom of the stairs , lumbering past heavily . He heard other movements , and chairs scrapping against the floorboards . He dropped the pitcher so that it broke on the stairs , and loudly cursing he returned to his room and began putting on his armor . Everyone else was woken up and they all get ready for battle , and put their armor on . Arik took a while to wake up , but eventually he was roused out of bed , grumbling . Hermel looked out the window . Snow was coming down in long white sheets . There must have been two feet on the ground . " I suspect that I 've managed to curse us , " said Star , looking down at his black tinged morning star , and then at the broken window pain , now piled up with snow . They heard some people in the hall . " I think this will go quite well , " said a man . Hermel considered , listening to the howling wind outside , that they would all probably be stuck there for a few days . He was grateful that they 'd not had to try to hole up in the stone circle . So , Bantum turned out to be a lucky charm for them after all . It seemed almost ironic somehow . A Busy Breakfast They waited in the room for a while , and outside it began to grow light . The party decided to head for breakfast , concluding that nothing too exciting would happen after all . They disarmed and went downstairs . The barkeep was hustling around serving breakfasts , looking a bit bleary . Hermel apologized for breaking the pitcher the night before , and the barkeep said he 'd add it to his tab . They talked about the weather , and the barkeep suggested that the storm would not let up that day . They ate breakfast . It seemed that the inn was serving some wealthy patrons , and so all the guests would benefit that morning , including our ragtag heroes . It was good farmer fare , bread , chicken , cheese , and eggs , with milk , and apple juice and plenty of potatoes . It was quite the spread . " Did you see my kitty ? " asked Bantum of everyone he saw , but the apologetic patrons had not seen it . Hermel noticed , after a while , that there were not really so many people there as the night before . That struck him as a bit odd , since the snow storm was so heavy … how could anyone have left the inn ? Hermel discussed the possibility of leaving the Inn with the others at a table in the corner of the tavern . Hornmel said it would not be a good idea to try to cross the jagged passes through the hills in this kind of weather , so the decided to stay . There were two of the four grizzled unsavory looking men with dark green woolen cloaks sitting in a corner that Hermel noticed had not been there the night before that he could remember . He went over and tried striking up conversation with them . " Why don 't you run along ? " " I have a bad leg . I think I 'll walk , " said Hermel and went back to his men . One of the grizzled men got up and went to the bar . He spoke quietly with the barkeep , who glanced over at Hermel and then at the other grizzled man by the window . He nodded and the rough neck went back and sat down with his friend . They both seemed to be keeping a steady eye on things both inside and outside the tavern . Down stairs came the large fat man from the night before . New Guests , Further Intrigues " Senior Borge ! " said the barkeep , and went over to offer him a table . Two younger men who were carrying books and taking notes as they walked attended him . Senior Borge was dictating to them various instructions that sounded legal in nature . One was writing and the other looking things up and reading them to the other from one of several books . Hermel glanced over to the rough necks in the corner , but they seemed to have no particular interest in Senior Borge . Another man came down stairs . He seemed a rather friendly sort . He nodded to Arik politely as he passed him on the way to his table . The serving girl took his order and went to the kitchen . He thanked her politely , a slight accent in his speech . Hermel offered a friendly " Good morning " to the man , and was greeted in return . The party members asked if he cared to join them , and so the man came to where they were sitting and they all conversed about the weather . " If I have to spend another night in this fine inn , " Hermel said , " as nice as it is , I think I shall go stir crazy . But at least someone around here knows how to be friendly , " he added with a loud enough voice to be heard across the room . " Indeed , " said the man uncomprehendingly . " My name is Frank . Where do you folks hail from ? " " I come from … Lilac village , " he replied , still seeming to be a bit nonplused . Hermel knew of this village . It was one of the more successful artisan villages of the Six Village region . He 'd never been there himself , but he 'd heard plenty of stories about it where he grew up in the impoverished farming village of Yellow Clay . They conversed at the table over breakfast for a while . Frank explained that he was a gardener in Lilac village and was traveling around on the off - season to other villages to explore a bit , and learn from other gardeners if he can find any . He mentioned he planned at some point to go to Hobbington , as well . Star of Justice was looking at his morning star . It seemed to have a kind of odd black tinge to it . It annoyed him . He tried rubbing the black tinge off with a corner of a cloth , but it didn 't help . He considered that he should try to get a new morning star when he got a chance . As he was doing this , the conversation continued . Frank mentioned that he was traveling the area and was wondering if they would take him with them to Bear Claw Village . The roads , he mentioned , outside of Lilac were more difficult to manage than he expected . Meanwhile , Arik , was looking out the window , reflecting that the snow storm would likely have driven any travelers on the road to this Inn . He took another look around the room , half expecting , for some reason , to see Garrison . He wasn 't there , of course . Down the stairs from the second floor came a woman with blond hair . She was attended by a young man who was coming down the stairs just behind her . Suddenly she tripped on something and fell down the stairs . At the bottom she sat herself up and held her ankle in her hands with a sheepish , pained look on her pretty face . Hermel arose immediately and rushed to her side , his cloak billowing behind him handsomely . " Miss , are you alright ? " he asked with great sincerity . " Yeah , he 's going to rub dirt on your ankle , I 'll wager , " said Arik with a laugh . She looked at him with some alarm . But Hermel had taken out a smooth stone and with a low sung incantation to Minvar , the Earth Elkron , he rubbed her ankle briefly until the pain had gone . She stood up , and put some pressure on her foot . It was fine . She thanked him profusely . " You see , the pain from the ankle goes into the stone , " explained Hermel . " My name is Hermel . It 's nice to meet you , " he said . " My name is Jane , and this is my companion , John , " she said gesturing to the young man beside her , who was equally amazed . The two exchanged glances . Hermel noticed that they also had slight accents that sounded similar to Frank 's . " Oh those two ? Yes the came in last night . Nice enough people , I 'd say . Hmm … do you know how many villages there are on the way to Bear Claw ? " Hornmel , who was eating breakfast still , answered that there were quite a few small settlements along the way , but they were more hamlets than villages , really . Hermel went on about the dangers of the journey . " What kind of dangers ? " asked Frank , looking troubled . " Oh , well I 'm not sure . I 've heard stories . Strange tracks in the wilderness . Three - toeed things of some sort . Some call them devils , I suppose , but I doubt that , " said Hermel . " I 've not , but I can 't say that I don 't believe it either . The Elkron work in mysterious ways , " he concluded , looking up from his morning star , which he was still rubbing with a cloth . " Oh ? Do you serve the Mighty Ones ? " asked Frank reverently . " We should be heading upstairs , " said Hermel . He paid the bill for his friends and they all got ready to head back to their room . When the barkeep came to bring the bill , Bantum recognized him from the night before and standing up excitedly said hello to him . " Good ! I can 't wait to see them again , " said Bantum . " They 're waiting to see you , too , " said the barkeep . " Good good , " replied Bantum merrily . " I 'm going to take them on a trip with us when we leave ! It 'll be fun ! " he said , joy rising up in his voice . The barkeep looked worried . He hustled away to the bar , and looking behind him at Bantum once or twice , vanished hastily into the kitchen . Everyone headed up stairs and went to their room . Hermel mentioned that he thought there was something odd about the guests in the Inn . The fact that Frank and Jane and John all had the same faint accent , and that Frank asked a lot of questions about things he ought to know , struck him as a bit strange . Hormmel agreed it was a bit odd , and mentioned that he didn 't recognize the accent either . Arik said that he 'd never heard of a professional gardener , but the others thought that was not so odd , maybe . " I 'd sooner trust those rough necks in the corner , to be honest , " said Hermel finally . " I 'd rather thrash the ruffians in the corner , " barked Arik with a harsh laugh . " I 'd not try too hard to stop you , I think , " said Hermel lying down on his bed . " I suggest we get some sleep now . The night time is too harrowing around here , " he suggested . They moved the table in front of the door and laid down on their beds . Bantum complained that he wasn 't tired , so Arik had him lay down and he told him a fanciful story of the " Three Chickens and the Black Cat " . In the end of the story the cat had eaten the chickens , and then died in an avalanche as the world spiraled into the sun . Bantum lay awake in bed staring at the ceiling for a long time . Later there was a knock at the door . It was the chambermaid who came to clean the room , but the fighting men sent her away . She looked disappointed . Star generously gave her an iron piece and she curtsied with a grateful thank you and went away . Hermel thought about what he might need to ask of her , but he gave up and rolled over to go back to sleep . Outside the snow was falling steadily . It had snowed all night and well into the morning . The young adventurers spent the day lounging around the Inn as there was no where to go , and nothing much to do . That night there was another big party down in the tavern . There was music and cheering and lots of food and drink . Many people were there . Bantum and Arik went downstairs to partake in the festivities . They saw that there were farmers , and Frank , Jane and John , the four rough necks , and Senior Borge and his men , as well as others who had taken up fancy chandelier room where an elegant dinner party was taking place . There was a large crowd dancing and singing along with the fiddlers and flutists . The barkeep and his young serving girls were all keeping very busy . His wife was in the kitchen , and she poked her head out once in a while to smile with satisfaction and clap her hands to the music . Hermel very quietly cast a spell . He made an illusion of a brown wooden ball . He outdid himself . It was the most perfect illusion he 'd ever made . Not only was the shading and the color subtle and detailed , but it was so real looking that he actually began to believe that it actually was real . In fact it was such an amazingly perfect illusion that people from across the room who noticed it 's " realness " were so attracted to it that they came over to look at it . A crowd formed around the table . Hermel , meanwhile , had gotten three tea cups and was in the process of cajoling some farmers into guessing which cup it was under . The farmers , who believed in the illusionary ball completely , wagered small amounts of money on the fact that it must be under the middle cup . Now for the coup de grace … Hermel commanded the illusion , under his breath , to dissipate . But there was a slight problem . When he lifted the cup the ball was still there , looking so wonderful and true he could not take his eyes off of it . He was very annoyed though . He 'd bet a goodly sum on the wager to try and recoup his loss on the black whiskey , but could not dispel the illusion because he actually believed that the ball was real after all . The farmers insisted he pay up . And so Hermel , took out his ever - lightening leather pouch and handed over 4 iron pieces he 'd lost in the wager . He sat down rather disgruntled . The farmers asked if they could have the ball , and Hermel , annoyed , waved his hand in assent . " Wow , " one farmer said to the others , " this is like the most real ball I 've ever seen in my life . " The others agreed as they walked back to the merry making , tossing the ball in the air between each other and laughing . Hermel stared at them in disbelief . He thought it over and realized that not only had he cast the most successful illusion of his life , but he actually succeeded in materializing the ball . He was amazed at himself , and this thought cheered him up quite a bit after all . Meanwhile Bantum was doing " the chicken dance " across the tavern . He wasn 't dancing very well , and fell over several times , fortunately not on anyone , least they perish . The barkeep 's wife came over to him and greeted him very nicely , and gave him a free jar of hot apple cider . " Oh thank you ! " he said . " Nice to seeee you ! " " Nice to see you , too , " she replied with a curtsy and went back to the kitchen , thinking the cider would calm his spirits down a bit , and perhaps save a guest or two . The tavern door opened with a huge gust of snow - laden wind . A rough looking man with a dark green cloak and cowl covering his face walked in from outside and shook the snow off himself . He went over to the four ruffians in the corner . They talked quietly amongst each other and food and ale was brought to their table . Hermel looked around for the beautiful red haired girl from the night before , but she was nowhere to be seen . He felt disappointed , and went back to his cup of cider , watching the farmers playing catch with the ball . He waved his hand , and to his surprise the ball disappeared in mid air . The farmers , astonished , began yelling ! There was a commotion as they began looking all over for the ball . " Did you see that ? ! " yelled one . " It vanished in mid air " yelled another . They all began looking under the tables and chairs . As they did , Hermel noticed a face in the window . As soon as he saw the eyes peering though a small circle cleared in the frosty pane they focused directly on him and then vanished . There was something very strange about that face , thought Hermel . It was a dark face . The eyes seemed yellowish . The face was covered by what looked like a gray cowl , but the nose was strangely shaped . He didn 't like that face . " Did anyone of you guys see that creepy guy in the window just now ? " he asked his friends . But none of them had seen it . Hermel began to think that it might not be a bad idea necessarily to ask the farmers , who very likely lived not far off , if they could shelter for the night with them . He became less and less certain that the Inn would prove to be a safe place to weather through the storm in after all . He almost felt as though the face in the window had looked at him with a sinister intention . He got a sudden chill down his spine and shivered . " Shall we go weather the storm with the farmers ? " he asked Star of Justice . " It 's nice here , " said Bantum . " I don 't want to leave . " The Missing Farmer The tavern door opened again , and the winds blew in more snow in a great gust . A woman entered , covered in white , and shook the snow off of herself . She was a handsome looking woman with a serious expression . She was wearing a plain but serviceable fur lined coat with a hood , and fringed with beads . She looked around , and not seeing what she wanted , she went straight to the bar . Hermel , glad to see yet another woman , made his way over to the bar , too . He was followed by Star . He happened to catch what the woman was saying to the barkeep . " What ? I 'm sorry Lanna , but I don 't have any idea ! He was here making merry and gambling with the others until the wee hours , and when I closed up he was gone . I didn 't see him . I supposed he went home , too , " he said . " Perhaps you passed him in the snow storm on the road , " he offered finally . " I don 't know what to tell you , " he said gruffly . " He was gambling . He left in the wee hours . I didn 't see him after that . " Star of Justice had a sense that the barkeep was lying . The woman sat down dejected . Star gave Hermal a significant look . He asked Star in a whisper if he 'd gotten a good look at the guy who had been at the table in the wee hours that he 'd mentioned . The woman meanwhile was given a stiff drink by the barkeep and she sat drinking it down unhappily . Hermel took note that she was , actually , quite attractive looking . He contemplated helping her somehow . He slicked back his hair with the palm of his hand . " Your husband 's probably dead , " he said . " You should look to the future . " She glared at him incredulously . " Do I look good to you ? " he asked . " I 'm third level , " he said . " You don 't see that every day , " he added proudly . She smiled , realizing that he must be jesting with her . Star asked her if she could describe her husband . She did and he said that he thought he 'd seen him there in the wee hours , sitting at a table . He might have passed out , he added . He asked if her husband was usually talkative and garrulous . She said that he loved to sing and dance . She added he nor any of his friends came back to their homes last night , explaining that they lived in a small settlement a few miles from the Inn . Her husband was a regular there . She was wearing , Hermel noticed , a bear claw necklace . " Well , we 'll walk you home , " offered Hermel . " Um , sure , sure . Just offering . Anyway , have you ever seen that girl over there before ? " he asked pointing to Jane who was dancing in the middle of the tavern with Bantum who had lifter her up by one hand into the air and put her down on a table top . " Nope . Never seen her before in my life , " she said . " Why not ? " said Hermel . Then thinking it over he said , " Look , I 'm a good guy . I can heal people , so I must be good , right ? " He took out his healing stone and clouted himself on the hand with it . He then healed it by rubbing the stone on it . She looked at his hand and then at him , then at his hand , then at him again . Her expression was one of perplexity . She couldn 't tell , really , if he was mad , or joking , or just plain stupid . She decided he was joking . " Well , I saw a sinister face in the window , so if you want to go home alone , go right ahead , " he went on , a bit miffed at her reticence . " I will protect you , lady , " said Bantum who had wandered over and sat down at the bar with them and began devouring a roast chicken . She looked up a Bantum . " Hmm … you seem like the nice sort , " she said . Hermel glared at Bantum . " I 'd love to help you find him as well , " he answered , taking a bite of a chicken leg . " I 'd not be surprised if something bad is going on here . But I 'm at a loss as to what to do at the moment , " he stammered . " I … I … I 'm afraid I don 't know these parts , or this tavern very well . " " If I might be so bold , frankly , I think that bartender knows more than he 's saying , " she said . " I think you 're right , " replied Star . " But trying to pry that information out of him won 't get us anywhere . " Meawhile , in the latrine , Hermel was thinking . " Well , we could follow her home without her knowing . She probably needs protecting . " He finished his business and went back to the bar . She looked at him without much expectation . He didn 't say anything but fluffed out his cloak so that it billowed briefly . " No he won 't , " she said with a pout . " Well , I 'm going to ask him for you ! Ok ? " said Bantum standing up suddenly . Bantum lumbered over to the barkeep who was bringing out a large platter of roast chickens . When he saw the giant striding towards him purposefully , he quickly shoved the platter into the closet and slammed the door shut and stood with his back to it smiling up at Bantum with great anxiety . One of the chickens had fallen on the ground , and he pushed it behind him with his foot . " I don 't know what to do ! " said Bantum loudly . " That lady said he knows , but he says he doesn 't , and you say that he can 't lie , but that lady wouldn 't lie to me ! I want my chickens ! " " Fine ! The chickens are fine ! I will bring them to you . I will bring them to you soon , soon . I brought them to you earlier , " he said and Bantum , not understanding , was appeased . The barkeep turned around and went back into the kitchen and shut the door behind him . " He 's a nice guy who 's willing to help me out . Nobody else here is , " she answered staring at him . Hermel slammed his fist on the bar top . Hermel stood thinking . Star stood thinking . Arik was on his third ale and heartily devouring a third roast chicken , potatoes , corn and a loaf of barley bread with butter . Hornmel was nursing his ale , and watching over the room . Bantum , well , he just stood there like a great dumb ox waiting for someone to tell him what to do next . " Why not ? You look like the adventurous sort , but you sure don 't act like it , " she said with a sharply sarcastic edge . She gave Star a penetrating look . " Well , I can 't sneak into the kitchen . It 's their kitchen . It would be wrong , " answered Star . " Oy , " she said , looking crestfallen . " Look , why don 't we start this over again , " said Hermel . " My name is Hermel . Nice to meet you . " " Oh come on ! " he said , getting exasperated again . " I 'm a nice guy . You trust this guy , right ? " he said pointing to Bantum . And with this they went out on the porch and stood in the bitter cold wind . Snow was piled up high everywhere , and on the porch beneath the window Hermel saw a set of tracks had been made , but were mostly covered over by then . The tracks went from the window , across the porch and then out into the darkness . " Did you happen to step over there before you came in ? " he asked Lanna . " That 's what I 'm saying , " replied Hermel peering out into the darkness . " There are strange things going on here . And quite frankly , we 're trapped here . And yes , my companion saw someone slumped at the table who looked like your husband , but we don 't know what happened to him after that , alright ? And quite frankly , we 're stuck here . And you should not be out alone . And I suggest you either stay here , or you let us walk you home , " said Hermel . " I don 't know where your husband is , " Hermel concluded . " I am trying to find him , " said Lanna slowly . " I don 't need to go home . I need your help to find my husband . He 's here somewhere . " Arik , who had been quiet up till then , said that he would go into the kitchen and find out what was going on . The others waited for him as he sauntered back inside , grabbed a tankard from a table , and waddled to the kitchen door . Pushing it open he saw a cook and an assistant working at the vats and ovens and dishes . They didn 't take immediate notice of him , so he walked in and began making his way to the back door , which was open . He figured the barkeep had gone that way . " Hey hey , you can 't come in here ! " said the cook as he took notice of him . Arik pretended to be drunk and shouted for the barkeep , saying he wanted another beer , and kept moving toward the door . The cook interceded between him and the door and ushered him back into the bar saying he would tell the barkeep to get back out there as soon as he came back . Arik grumbled , and headed back out and returned to the porch where he explained what happened . " I 'm not that lost , " she replied caustically . " You seem lost . I 'm trying to find my husband . I 'm pretty clear on that . Ok ? " " You don 't know he 's lying ? " she snapped back at him . " I know he 's lying . All I have to do is listen to him . He sounds like he 's lying . And his story doesn 't make any sense . You can 't tell that ? Didn 't you think he was lying ? " At that Hermel decided to take action . He said he would go around the side of the building . He headed off into the snow . It was about two feet deep or more . Light was coming through the windows , so it wasn 't terribly dark next to the building . As he passed the first window he heard Hornmel talking with another farmer saying , " But that ball was so reeeeaaal though . I never saw a ball that reeeaaaal before … it was realer than real , really , wasn 't it … ? " Hermel continued . He got to the far corner . He heard voices . It was the barkeep . Follow the Mystery Man " I don 't care what you have to do , just move them along . And make it snappy , " the barkeep said . A door slammed and then Hermel heard someone approaching through the snow . He was moving along side of the Inn . Hermel waited for him to pass , hiding in the shadow of a bush next to the house . He ran back to the others and asked if they wanted to follow the man . Meanwhile Arik was inside and when the barkeep showed up again , he began bending his ear with a tall tale about a bartender who didn 't take care of his customers very well and was finally eaten by rats … and chickens … and then the world spiraled into the sun . The barkeep got a sickly look and went to fetch Arik another ale . He kept an eye on the barkeep , whom he noticed had given a nod to the rough necks sitting in at the table in the corner . He signaled Hornmel who was by the window engaged in a deep conversation with the farmers . " No you mix three parts sheep shit , and two parts cow shit , and that 's the best for the corn , " he was saying with authority . " But what about the piss ? " he asked another farmer . " You don 't want to waste that , do you ? " Arik tapped him on the shoulder and took him aside . He suggested they should probably follow after Hermel . And so the two of them went out on the porch , just as Hermel was jogging back up the stairs . They agreed to follow after the mystery man who had made his way to a nearby barn . Star of Justice decided to try once more to bless his morning star before battle . He thought it seemed to work a little better this time , but it was too dark to tell if the black tinge had dissipated . There was a light in the barn . The adventurers followed . There was a brief argument . " Is any of this germane ? I want to find my Husband , you imbeciles ! " she yelled . The fighting men were still debating her physical merits . " Look , tell me which way the tracks go and I 'll go look for him myself , " she demanded , stomping her foot . Hermel felt a pang of annoyance , but in the end they decided she could go with them after all . The tracks led to the barn . They got to the door , which was slightly ajar and Hermel peered inside . The barn appeared to be empty except for chickens that were clucking and scratching at feed that was strewn across the dirt floor . Hornmel check the door for traps . They opened the barn door , and the chickens began clucking and dashing around . They closed the door as Bantum ran around trying to catch the chickens for his new bandolier . Hermel made his way up a ladder as quietly as possible that went up to a loft . He got to the top and saw something moving in the hay . He put his hand on his sword . He climbed up , and pushed the hay to the side with his sword . He saw a leg . Suddenly a girl turned over , revealing herself and a man who was laying there with her . They both had an open gazed look , and Hermel apologized and climbed back down the ladder . They soon followed and left the barn , sheepish expressions on their faces . Bantum got a rope form the wall and was fixing up a new bandolier when Hermel came down . " No no no … " he said . " I want my chickens , " said Bantum . " Ok , " said Bantum and gave him the chicken . Hermel then whispered the word " Ludicrous " in the chickens ear , and handed it back to Bantum . " Now , ask the chicken … what word did I say ? " Bantum took the chicken and held it up to his ear . " He says you don 't speak chicken , " said Bantum . " Would you like a chicken ? " Bantum asked Lanna holding it out to her . She began looking around the edges of the barn , and she stopped . " I found something , " she said , pointing to a rope ring on the floor of the barn . The rest of the group gathered around . Sure enough there was a rope ring . Arik pulled on it and a square trap door opened up , descending into darkness . Bantum tossed a chicken down the shaft . They heard flapping and then the chicken landed with a squawk and a thud . No further noise returned . They decided to climb down the ladder and see what was down there . Bantum went first . It was very dark down there . Bantum found his chicken . It wasn 't moving . He felt sad , and called up to the others to tell them that the chicken was not feeling well . Hermel went and bolted the barn door . He 'd decided that they would go down and explore the tunnel . And so down the ladder they went . At the bottom there was a pitch - black corridor , perfectly square . Bantum was already walking down the sloping corridor into the darkness . " Wait . I 'm the man with the sword , and you 're the woman who needs help . So I 'm supposed to go down into the danger , and you 're supposed to stay here and , you know , cower timidly , and stuff . That 's how it 's supposed to work , see ? " " I 'm going down , " she said and climbed down the ladder . Hermel climbed down after her . Hornmel , not following directions once again , followed behind Hermel , closing the trap door behind him . Hermel scowled . " Why doesn 't anyone listen to me ? " he asked of no one . Bantum was twenty feet ahead , his voice still echoing down the corridor . It was dark . In fact , it was pitch black . Previous Episode : Journey to Bear Claw Village Elthos is a traditional style RPG Rules System that first made its appearance in 1978 . The Mythos Machine is the web application that comprehensively supports the Elthos RPG with two major features . The World Weaver 's Studio helps GMs with building their Worlds , and populating them with Places , Campaigns , Adventures and Things ( Equipment , Weapons , Armors , Cultures , Races , Classes , Mystic Powers , Skills , etc ) . GamesMaster 's Toolbox serves as number cruncher for Character Generation , Adventure Groups Management , and running Reports , the most popular being the Print World Report which produces a nicely formatted print out of your World , Places , Campaigns , Adventures , and optionally includes Character Stat Blocks , Maps , Images , and Campaign History . The Elthos RPG & Mythos Machine were reviewed by Mark Knights here : Elthos RPG - More than Meets The EyeTo join the Open Beta , download the Elthos RPG Rules and try out the Mythos Machine for yourself for free , please visit http : / / Elthos . com I 'm VB Wyrde , a Role Playing Game designer , working on the Elthos Game System , which I started in 1978 . Ok , I 'm a slow poke . Don 't rush me ! ~ ~ Spoiler Alert ! ~ ~ If you are one of my Players , you are in the wrong place . Please back away slowly and no one will get hurt . Thanks . . .
|
Summary : * * * Winner of Transformation & The People 's Choice Award in the Animagus Challenge * * * Harry found himself stuck on Privet Drive for the summer . In looking through a box of old books , Harry finds Sirius ' guide to becoming an Animagus . Despite the warnings to ensure he was not alone , Harry decided to give it a go . He managed to transform , but now what ? How did he change back ? Hitcount : Story Total : 4003 Disclaimer : Harry Potter Publishing Rights © J . K . R . Note the opinions in this story are my own and in no way represent the owners of this site . This story subject to copyright law under transformative use . No compensation is made for this work . Author 's Notes : Sorry this is not the next chapter of Perilous Journey , but I loved the idea of this challenge . Thank you to my wonderful betas - StephanieO and Ministry Malcontent . Their hard work is so appreciated . Harry sped up as he pedalled down Privet Drive . He hadn 't meant to be out so long , but it was a beautiful day and he was enjoying himself . He hurried past the old neighbour lady who glared at him as she pruned her roses . He was never certain exactly what she expected him to do , but she obviously didn 't trust him . Like most of the neighbours , she believed Aunt Petunia 's assertion that he was no good . Pulling into his relatives ' drive , he set the bike back into the garage . It was Dudley 's old racing bike . Dudley hadn 't ridden the bike in years and Harry had found it during his first depressing days back on Privet Drive this year . It had taken a while , but he had managed to get the bike working again . Now he went riding every day . Usually he didn 't leave until he 'd finished all of his chores , but today after he 'd finished his indoor chores it was so nice out he 'd taken the chance to go riding . It somehow helped him feel better to bike around Little Whinging . When he was riding , he was able to forget his problems . Not to mention , it was really helping his stamina . He wasn 't certain if Umbridge 's ban would still be in place , but he was hoping to be able to play Quidditch this coming year . He wasn 't sure if his cousin knew he had fixed the bike . However , he did know for certain that his aunt and uncle wouldn 't approve , so he hid the bike in the back of the garage behind the wall of unused sports equipment that his cousin had demanded for some reason and then had either broken or never used . Glancing at his watch , he cursed . It was getting late and he needed to finish weeding the back flowerbed . Hurrying into the back , he knelt by his aunt 's prized flowerbed and started weeding . Once he 'd finished the first row , he sat back on his heels . It was hot . Not as hot as last summer thankfully , but it was still hot . Looking around , Harry verified that he was alone . Standing up he stripped off his tee shirt and draped it over the low growing shrub . He wanted to go into the house for something to drink , but Aunt Petunia had decided that Harry needed to be locked out of the house when no one was home . Shrugging , he took a few drinks from the hosepipe and got his head wet before continuing to weed . To his relief , he finished his chores just as his aunt returned . As he was putting away the supplies in the shed , he heard the familiar click as the back door was unlocked . Apparently Aunt Petunia had become tired of obsessively cleaning her house and gossiping about her neighbours , because she had joined the volunteer guild at the local hospital . The first time he 'd heard her talking about it , he thought she was joking . Then he had overheard her on the phone with one of her friends , talking on and on about the poor children at the hospital who needed someone to love them . It was a stab to the heart , hearing the aunt who had despised him all of his life lavishing her love and attention on strangers while still treating him horribly . It only seemed to reinforce that somehow he just wasn 't meant to find someone to love him . He entered the house just as his aunt arrived back in the kitchen . Her nose wrinkled as she looked at him . " You are filthy ! Can 't you weed the garden without looking like a vagrant ? " She turned away from him in disgust . " You may take a shower . Five minutes only , young man . Don 't think I don 't know that you spent eight whole minutes in the shower yesterday . It costs me money the way you waste water . " Stoically Harry made his way upstairs and quickly showered . He made certain he didn 't spend any more time in the shower than necessary . He knew from experience that she would come up and turn off the water when his time was up , whether he was done or not . He recalled the one night the previous week when he 'd spent the whole night with soapy hair . She wouldn 't even let him into the bathroom to rinse out his hair in the sink . His cousin and uncle had thought that quite amusing . Entering his room , he threw himself down on his bed . This was really turning out to be the worst summer of his life . Against his will , the events at the Ministry of Magic in June ran through his head again . Sirius had died because of him . He couldn 't really get past that fact . In the fortnight since he 'd been back in Little Whinging , he 'd been veering between despair and resignation . At least this summer his friends were keeping in touch . Ron was at the Burrow and complaining about the Chudley Cannons ' disgraceful performance this past year while Hermione was getting ready to go on a cruise around Greece with her parents . Luckily neither of them had any lasting effects from their injuries and were both doing well . He was rather envious of them . While they 'd both been injured at the Ministry of Magic , they had recovered quickly and were back with their families who loved them . Neither of them really understood what he 'd lost when he 'd lost Sirius . To be honest , he hadn 't really expected much from Ron in the way of emotional support . That 's just not how their friendship worked . Hermione was the more sensitive of the two , but she had no experience with the loss of such a close family member so she was at a loss as to how to help him . He 'd laughed at her last letter when she suggested that his aunt and uncle would be able to help him through the summer - maybe they could help him join a support group . He hadn 't told his aunt and uncle about Sirius 's death , and he planned to keep it that way . They had never comforted him about his parents ' death so he couldn 't imagine they would provide any comfort now . His cousin was a different matter ; all through their childhood Dudley loved to tease Harry about the fact that his parents were dead . Even though they were older now , Harry didn 't think Dudley had matured to the point that he wouldn 't harass Harry about Sirius 's death . He found himself looking forward to Ginny 's letters more than any others . She didn 't avoid the topic of Sirius like Ron did or hover as Hermione had a tendency to do . She was cheerful and chatty , rather like she was in person . It had surprised him when she shared some stories about Sirius from earlier last summer when they 'd been staying at Grimmauld Place . That made him feel good , as though someone else was missing Sirius as well . He had rather hoped to hear from Remus Lupin , but he 'd heard no word from the older man all summer . Ginny had mentioned in passing that she 'd seen him once or twice at the Burrow . With a sigh , Harry dragged himself off his bed and headed downstairs . He entered the kitchen to find his aunt waiting for him . She handed him a paring knife and pointed at a large mound of potatoes . " I need them all peeled and diced . " Nodding , Harry got to work . He actually didn 't mind the mindless work . It was relatively easy and at least he was inside and it was cool . After finishing with the potatoes , he chopped the other vegetables his aunt requested - onions , celery , carrots , and some peppers . Once he was done , she came to stand next to him as she surveyed his work . " You need to make your cuts more uniform , " she sniffed . " Thankfully it is just a family dinner tonight . I could never serve that to guests . " She gestured to two slices of bread and the glass of milk on the counter behind him . " Eat and get upstairs . " He resisted the effort to laugh at his aunt . Uniform cuts ? Who was she kidding ? She just couldn 't resist complaining about him . Dudley would certainly never notice how his vegetables were cut . In an act of defiance , Harry slathered his bread with butter and jam before heading up to his room . Eating his make - shift meal , Harry left the crusts in Hedwig 's cage . While his relatives were downstairs eating , he filled up Hedwig 's water tray and headed back to his room . He straightened up his room , more to give himself something to do than because of any real need . It was still early and he really wasn 't tired at all . He knew going downstairs would just start another fight . Standing , he walked over to the window , searching the skies for his faithful owl , Hedwig . She had gone out hunting earlier and hadn 't yet returned . He wasn 't concerned as she hadn 't been gone long . Looking down the street , he could see the driveways were filling up as parents returned home from work . He could see parents greeting their children with hugs and kisses and parents spending time with their children . The dad from Number 2 would cook out on his grill almost every night during the summer . His wife and children would play outside , and they would all eat together outside . Both parents at Number 8 worked and when they came home , the whole family was often seen riding their bikes together . The father at Number 12 spent hours playing football with his two small sons . As Harry watched these scenes of domesticity , he wondered not for the first time what his life would have been like if his parents had lived . Would his father have taught him to ride a broom ? Would one or both of his parents have worked ? He didn 't even know what his father had done for a living . With a sigh he tore his eyes away from the other families on the street and looked up in the sky for one last look . He didn 't see Hedwig , but he did see two owls flying his direction carrying what seemed to be a box between them . A glance up and down the street told him that none of the Muggles noticed the owls . He opened the window as the owls neared and they flew inside , depositing the box on the bed . Harry quickly detached the box and took the letter from the owls . He offered them both some water and owl treats which they both took gratefully before taking off . Stumbling over to the desk , Harry sat down heavily as he read the letter from the Director of Inheritance . Sirius had left everything to Harry including Grimmauld Place , a plot of land in Wales , and his entire fortune . To Harry 's surprise , the amount of money left to him was quite substantial - over five million Galleons . He had two new vaults at Gringotts that contained not only the money , but also belongings including works of art , household furniture , jewels , and other assorted goods according to the letter . The letter dropped from his strangely nerveless fingers . A wave of pain and longing crashed over him . Sirius was gone . He didn 't want all of Sirius 's stuff ; he wanted Sirius . He crumpled under the onslaught of emotion . Moving the box without really looking at it , Harry crawled into bed . On his night stand , he 'd placed a picture of his godfather next to the framed picture of his parents . Reaching out , Harry picked up the pictures and studied their faces . Tears streamed unheeded down his face as he looked at the beloved faces ; he missed them all so much . It was just not fair that he never really got to spend time with any of them . His parents ' deaths were something he 'd grown up with . He missed them , but it was more the idea of his parents that he missed . With Sirius , he 'd known and loved Sirius and he knew what he was missing . Two hours later , Hedwig flew into the room . She was full from the meal of toads she 'd caught . When she caught sight of the tear tracks on her boy 's face , Hedwig flew over to the bed . He was holding the pictures again and Hedwig knew that was never a good sign . Clucking softly , Hedwig took the sheets in her beak and pulled them up over the sleeping boy . Once he was covered , she brushed his cheek with her wing before returning to her cage . She settled in to watch over her boy for the night . Harry woke early the next morning . It was still rather dark . As he sat up , memories of the night before came rushing back to him . A more muted wave of longing swept over him . Looking across the room , he saw Hedwig 's amber eyes reflecting in the moonlight . After nipped affectionately at Harry 's hand , she flew back to her cage . Harry had to smile . He might not have a family , but he did have a very devoted owl . With a sigh , he leaned over and picked up the box he 'd ignored the day before . On top of the box was a letter with his name on it . His heart clenched at the sight of his name written in Sirius 's familiar scrawl . He put it aside for now as he didn 't think he could read it at the moment . Below the letter were some books ; Harry pulled them out and set them on his bed . They were advanced Transfiguration books and a book on Animagus Transformations . Harry 's heart beat a little faster . He 'd always been fascinated by the idea of becoming an Animagus . He 'd even wondered from time to time what his form might be - it would be amazing to be a stag like his father or even a dog like Sirius , but at the same time he liked being different . Wouldn 't it be brilliant if he could become something like a leopard or a panther ? He stifled a laugh . He 'd die of embarrassment if his Animagus form was something awful - - like a spider or skunk or worse a useless animal like a fluffy dwarf rabbit or something . His thoughts turned to his friends as he wondered what they would become . For Hermione , his first thought was an owl , but he knew she hated flying . He thought she might enjoy becoming a cat to play with Crookshanks . Ron , he thought , was certainly some type of dog . Dogs were fun and loyal and they loved to play , just like Ron . Ginny , what would she be ? She would most likely be some type of big cat ; she was graceful and sleek like the big cats . She was rather sexy , too . Harry blushed . Where on earth had that thought come from ? Shaking his head , he opened the Animagus book . The first chapter stressed the importance of not attempting to transform unless you were fully trained and in the company of other trained wizards . Harry snorted . That wasn 't likely to happen . He was trapped on Privet Drive without another magical person in sight . He didn 't even know if any members of the Order of the Phoenix were keeping track of him as they had last summer . He hadn 't seen any sign of them , but that didn 't mean anything . He hadn 't known about them last summer until the run in with the Dementors . He flipped to the next chapter and started reading . The book was so interesting and Sirius 's notes in the margin were entertaining . Once he 'd fixed breakfast for his relatives and cleaned up the dishes , he quickly finished up his chores and , grabbing his book , left for the day . He rode to a small meadow he 'd found earlier in the summer . It was small , but there was a small copse of trees that provided just the right amount shade . Best of all , it was usually deserted . It didn 't take him long to finish reading the book . He 'd even gone back and reread portions of the book and made some notes . He had to laugh . If he 'd made such in effort in his classes , his grades would be a lot better . Flipping to the chapter on beginning transformation , he decided to try the transformation . Following the instructions in the book , he answered all of the questions on the Animagus questionnaire . The questionnaire was designed to help a person discover the optimal Animagus form for them . Once he completed the questionnaire , he looked around to ensure that he was alone . He didn 't see anyone else around , so he pulled his wand and tapped the parchment . The ink swirled around on the parchment before forming into the shape of a bird . Underneath the picture , the words ' Peregrine Falcon ' appeared . A smile broke across Harry 's face . A falcon ! That sounded like a lot of fun . Harry flipped the page of the book and started rereading the information on how to transform . He discovered that you needed to really understand your form . Packing up everything , he headed back to his aunt and uncle 's house . After putting away the bike , he hurried into the back garden . His aunt was out again , so Harry jiggled the window to the sitting room and climbed into the house that way . He smiled . His aunt and uncle didn 't know how easy it was to sneak into the house . In his uncle 's study , he found a set of the Encyclopaedia Britannica on the shelves . As he picked up the volume he needed , he discovered that the book that never even been opened . The pages were shiny and new and the binding was not broken . He carried the book up to his room and after dumping everything on the desk , he curled up on the bed with the encyclopaedia . As he read about the Peregrine Falcon , Harry was thrilled to discover that they were among the fastest animals on Earth , and while diving they could reach speeds of up to 200mph . His heart leapt at the thought of diving at those speeds . That sounded totally brilliant . Harry studied the pictures of the falcons . They weren 't large , but they were beautiful birds with a blue - grey back and head and a white chest and stomach . He stared into the dark eyes of the falcon and felt a thrill of kinship . Harry pulled out a fresh sheet of parchment and began to sketch the falcon and label all of its parts , just like they did in Care of Magical Creatures . Once he completed his sketch , Harry decided to see what else he could find out about the falcons . He went down to the kitchen and rummaged through his aunt 's junk drawer . As he remembered , Dudley 's library card was mixed in with other papers that were never used . His aunt had never bothered to get Harry a library card , but for some reason Dudley had one . Harry wasn 't certain that Dudley had ever even been inside the library . Two hours later , Harry returned back to the house with three more books on falcons . He spent a good part of the next week reading more about falcons and learning everything he could about them . He had drawn several more pictures and he had even painted one with the paints he found on one of the shelves in his room . The only bad point was Hermione 's letter warning him not to attempt to transform on his own . He groaned as he read her letter . He didn 't know why he had told her about Sirius 's journal , but he had been so excited he wanted to share the news . He hadn 't told her that he 'd discovered his form , but Hermione had read between the lines and knew he wanted to try to become an Animagus . He almost burst out laughing when he realized the perfect Animagus form for Hermione - a mother hen . That suited her perfectly , she was always pecking and mothering him and Ron until they fell in line . With a sigh , he put her letter away . She would never understand the allure becoming an Animagus held for him . It was a link to his father and his godfather . He couldn 't follow in his father 's footsteps and be a great prankster , but maybe he could be an Animagus . The day after Hermione 's letter arrived , Pig arrived with three letters for Harry . He looked through the letters : one from Ron , one from Mrs Weasley , and one from Ginny . Deciding to save Ginny 's for last , he quickly skimmed the other two letters . He rolled his eyes , Hermione had certainly been busy . Ron 's letter was short . He complained about Ginny and about Hermione being with her parents , but the end of his letter he admonished Harry not to attempt the Animagus transformation . Mrs Weasley highlighted the dangers of attempting to become an Animagus and asked him to please be very careful . As you might imagine , Hermione let us know how concerned she was that you might try to become an Animagus . Ron didn 't really see what the fuss was all about . He said it would be too difficult to do over the space of a few weeks in the summer , but he obeyed Hermione and wrote to you . Mum was very concerned . I know she talked to Professor McGonagall and Professor Dumbledore , so don 't be surprised if you hear from them as well . I 'm not even going to go there . I will just say , please be careful . So , do you know what your Animagus form is ? I was thinking you would make a great Cheetah because you are so fast . It would also be cool if you had your dad or Sirius ' form . I think it would be brilliant to be an Animagus . I wonder what my form would be ? Maybe a horse like my Patronus or a cat might be fun . Do you think I could take the questionnaire ? Nothing very exciting going on here . Ron was complaining that Hermione is gone with her parents and you are stuck with your relatives . He was complaining so much that Mum threatened to send him to Aunt Muriel 's . Since then , he hasn 't complained much . However , he does keep telling me I 'm way too young to date . I 'm really sorry now that I let him think I was interested in Dean . I thought it would make a great joke , but Ron is being a total prat ! Harry smiled broadly when he finished reading Ginny 's letter . He was strangely relieved to know that Ginny wasn 't really interested in Dean . Somehow he 'd known that Ginny wouldn 't be against him becoming an Animagus like everyone else was . Harry slammed back up to his room . Aunt Petunia had come home in a mood , and Harry couldn 't seem to do anything right . He 'd painted and repainted the shed out back after she changed her mind about the colour , but she still wasn 't happy . He hadn 't expected such a violent reaction and he hadn 't ducked quickly enough when she swung the heavy frying pan at him . She 'd hit him in the chest , and he knew it was going to bruise . He opened one of his new falcon books and lay down on his bed . After a while , he fell asleep with the book on the bed next to him . When he first woke up , he was confused . He didn 't remember taking off his glasses , but he didn 't have them on and he could see really well . As he turned his head , he jumped when he realized he was no longer human . He 'd changed ! He had really managed to change ! He took a few cautious steps along the bed as he adjusted to his new , much smaller body . He could hear Aunt Petunia 's favourite programme on the telly as if it was in the same room with him the sound was so clear . He hopped to the window and looked outside . He couldn 't believe how far he could see and how clearly . As he looked into the yards he had seen every day this summer , he couldn 't believe the details he was noticing now . He could see flowers in the grass three houses away ; he could see flaking paint on Number 12 ; and he could even see the wallpaper in the bedroom through the open window at Number 10 . He wished the window was open ; he would have loved to fly . Looking over to Hedwig 's cage , he was sorry to discover it was empty . Wouldn 't it be amazing if he could talk to his owl ? He straightened out his wings and found them to be very different from arms . It took him a few minutes to work out the mechanics of flapping his wings , but soon he was able to take flight and fly around his room . It was the most amazing feeling in the world ! It was even better than flying on his Firebolt . He eyed the cat flap and decided it was worth the risk . He flew out of the cat flap and headed first for the bathroom . He landed on the vanity and looked in the mirror . If he could have , he would have gasped . He really was a Peregrine Falcon ! Turning around , he admired his new form from all angles . He was a rather small bird . Harry guessed he was about a foot and a half long and his wings spread out were about two and half feet . His feathers were dark on his head and back . Wait , what was that ? Harry peered closer into the mirror and he could see lighter feathers on his head in the ever familiar shape of a lightning bolt . That must be his identifying feature . His eyes were a dark , solid black . He made quite a handsome bird , if he did say so . As soon as he was outside , he started climbing and twirling in the air . It was wonderful ! He felt his third eyelid slide over his eyes as he picked up speed . After a short time , he levelled out and looked down . It was amazing ! He was so high , he didn 't think he 'd ever been this high in the air before . Everything on the ground was so small , but he could see so clearly . He looked out toward the horizon and it seemed like he could see forever . He knew that was ridiculous and that even a falcon 's vision had limits , but he really felt like he could see clear to London if he tried . Shaking his head at his own fancifulness , Harry decided to try something he 'd been dreaming about since he first started reading about falcons . He dove . It was the most amazing feeling in the world ! He gained speed as he dove and instinctively he changed the way he was holding his wings so he was more aerodynamic . The rushing wind and the free feeling of falling were exhilarating ! He hadn 't felt so happy since he couldn 't remember when . Just then he spotted another bird flying below him . He wasn 't certain what type of bird , but he though it might be a black bird . Part of him wanted to capture and eat the bird , but thankfully he easily fought that impulse . He slowed down and started flying towards the bird who had noticed him and seemed to be trying to escape . The black bird responded with an aggressive sounding chirping , but to his disappointment Harry couldn 't understand what the bird was trying to say . Figuring he was just scaring the bird , Harry wheeled around and headed back to Privet Drive . He was having a great time , but he was getting a bit tired and his chest still hurt a bit from where his aunt had hit him earlier in the day . Flying back to the house , he was thrilled to see a familiar white shape approaching him . Hedwig cautiously approached him with confusion showing in her eyes . Harry decided he 'd try to communicate again . " Chi chi chi chi . " Hedwig eyed him for a moment before hooting at him in return . She watched him for a moment and seemed to gesture with her wing . Harry followed his owl and soon the two of them were circling Number 4 . Hedwig flew to Harry 's window , but it was still closed . With what seemed to be an owl 's version of a shrug , she flew to the same window Harry had flown out of several hours earlier . It was early evening by now and Harry could hear his relatives eating . Even the sounds of their forks hitting their plates were clear and recognizable . He followed Hedwig upstairs to his room and landed on his bed . Hedwig seemed to have accepted him as just a bird form of Harry . She shared her water with him . He was hungry , but he didn 't know what he should eat . Deciding he should wait until his relatives were through eating , Harry curled up on his bed . Now that he 'd stopped flying , his chest and back were quite sore . Harry imagined that he was using muscles he never had before . As he waited , he could easily hear the conversation taking place downstairs . " I don 't know , " Aunt Petunia replied . " Last time I saw him , he was headed up to Dudley 's second bedroom . That boy was useless today , he couldn 't follow the simplest directions . I don 't think I make things that difficult to understand . " There was a pause before Aunt Petunia said , " I don 't know , sweetums . I was hoping he would be leaving soon , but he hasn 't said anything yet . He 's so inconsiderate . The least he could do is let us know how long he will be here . " Harry frowned . Did they really think he wanted to be here ? He 'd leave in an instant if he was allowed . Calming himself , Harry turned his thoughts inward and mentally he reviewed the steps to reversing the transformation . He needed to visualize himself as a human and he should transform back into himself . After several attempts , Harry was starting to become alarmed . How did he change himself back ? He thought transforming into his animal was supposed to be the difficult part . He wracked his brain trying to think of what he needed to do next . A voice in his head that sounded disturbingly like Hermione reminded him that this was why he was supposed to only transform around trained witches or wizards who could help him . He wished Hermione was there . He knew he was in for one or more long lectures from his bushy haired best friend , but she probably knew how to change him back into a human in a heartbeat . He would have sighed if he could ; he should know after so many years that he shouldn 't ignore Hermione 's advice . She might come across as a bit bossy at times , but she really did only have his best interests at heart . Forcing himself to relax , Harry settled into the bed and soon drifted off to sleep under the concerned eyes of Hedwig . It was morning the next time he woke up and to Harry 's dismay , he was still a falcon . The sky was already light , but as he listened carefully he realized that his relatives weren 't up yet . Flying down to the kitchen , Harry looked around carefully . He realized that he didn 't know exactly what falcons ate . He knew they ate other birds and sometimes other small animals , but that certainly didn 't appeal to him . Was it safe for falcons to eat people food ? He vaguely remembered hearing chocolate was dangerous for dogs and something about rice being bad for birds , but he didn 't know about other food . Looking around the sparkling clean counters , he saw a plate of artfully arranged fruit . Fruit should be safe for a bird , right ? Flying over he looked over the selection and decided blackberries looked good . After eating his fill of berries , he flew back up to his room . Hedwig offered him some water which he drank gratefully . ' What am I going to do , Hedwig ? ' Harry wondered out loud . He knew it came out as a series of chirps and clicks , but he felt the need to at least try to speak . Harry knew he needed to go for help , but where should he go ? Ideally , he would go to Professor McGonagall , but he had no idea where she spent her summers . A vision of her puttering around the garden with her hair still in a bun popped into his head . Harry laughed , but that didn 't solve his problem . The thought entered his mind that Sirius would have been able to help , but he quickly squashed that thought . He needed to focus on the problem at hand . He spent the next several hours trying to change back , but couldn 't even change a feather . He grew more and more anxious as the morning wore on . Hedwig watched him with concern obvious in her warm amber eyes . He did wonder if this had ever happened to his father or Sirius . He was quite entertained by the thought of his poor father stuck as a stag . Stags didn 't exactly blend into the background . A low hooting sound broke into his thoughts . Turning , he saw Hedwig pushing a letter towards him . He was confused for a moment ; looking at the letter he saw it was the latest letter from Ginny . Harry looked back up into his owl 's amber eyes . Slowly it dawned on him . Hedwig must have understood some of what he said for she nodded . Harry considered his options and realized going to the Burrow was his best option . Mr and Mrs Weasley would know how to get in contact with Professor McGonagall . The more he thought about it , the better an idea it seemed to be . As he came to that decision , he realized he had no idea how to get to the Burrow . Hedwig hooted as she stretched her wings . Before Harry could do anything , the door to his room crashed open . Aunt Petunia stood in the doorway . Surreptitiously , Harry burrowed a bit deeper into the nest he 'd made of the bed clothes . Luckily he had dark sheets so he tended to blend in with the sheets . " Where is that idiot boy ? He did nothing right yesterday and now he can 't even cook breakfast ? I swear I don 't know why we put up with the dratted boy . " Petunia made her way across Harry 's room as she continued her tirade . Harry had frozen on the bed , hoping that somehow his aunt wouldn 't notice his bird form . Petunia opened the window and turned to glare at Hedwig . " That irresponsible boy doesn 't even think about his pet . I better not find a mess somewhere because that boy couldn 't be bothered to open a window . " With a huff , she turned and strode out of his room . Harry let out a sigh of relief . For a few minutes he 'd thought that she would see him and cause more problems . Looking over at Hedwig , who seemed to nod at him , the two birds took flight . Flying with Hedwig was a joy . While she did not fly as fast or as high as Harry would have on his own , it was so much fun to fly with his owl . They played tag and follow the leader . It was eye opening to Harry . He 'd flown to Grimmauld Place the previous summer on broom , and to the Ministry of Magic a few weeks ago on a thestral , but this was completely different . He wasn 't cold or uncomfortable in any way . It was as though the air was his natural element . Hedwig watched indulgently as Harry swooped and dove through the air , but she kept him on track . She definitely knew where she was going . They flew over some forested areas and small towns and villages , but they hadn 't flown over any large cities . At times , Harry caught sight of what was below them . They flew over parks and for a while they seemed to be paralleling the M3 . It was interesting to see the cars below them . The longer they flew the more grateful he was for Hedwig 's guidance . He would have gotten incredibly lost or distracted watching the scenery below . Harry really had no idea where they were going except they were heading west . It was mid - afternoon by Harry 's admittedly spotty reckoning when Hedwig seemed to feel a break was in order . She dropped a bit and turned to the south where a few minutes of flying brought them to a stream . Harry landed gladly and drank deeply from the crisp , cold water . Hedwig caught several toads and offered them to Harry , and even though the falcon in him wanted to eat them , Harry couldn 't bring himself to eat live toads . He found berry bushes growing near the river and ate his fill . He hadn 't thought about it while he was flying , but he was a bit sore . His body simply wasn 't used to the mechanics of flying . After resting for a bit after their meal , the two birds took off once again . Harry was surprised when Hedwig didn 't return to their western route , but flew north . Several minutes later , Harry gasped . Up ahead on the open plain was Stonehenge . He could feel the waves of magic pouring off the ancient relics . Looking over at Hedwig , he tried to thank her . She led him to the giant stones . Unlike humans who were secured behind the ropes , Harry and Hedwig were able to fly right up to the stones . Harry was fascinated by the stones . He could see some symbols carved into the stone . He thought they might be runes , but he wasn 't really certain . It was a fascinating stop . Harry could tell it was getting later , but the sun was still shining as they left Stonehenge and continued on their westward trek . Sometime later , Hedwig turned and seemed to following another river . They flew over a small town that Harry realized with some excitement was Ottery St Catchpole - they must be following the Otter River . His heart was beating faster as he saw the outline of the Burrow up ahead . The closer the got to the Burrow , the stronger the magic he sensed around the house . He imagined these would be protective wards for the Weasleys . He hoped they didn 't have any wards that would keep out an Animagus . To his relief , he was able to fly onto the Weasley land , although he could feel the magic protecting his friends . Hedwig flew on to the house while Harry flew around outside for a few moments . He saw Kingsley Shacklebolt leaving the house , and as he flew by the house he noticed Tonks having tea with Mrs Weasley . Harry followed the voices he 'd heard and to his delight found Ginny and Ron playing one - on - one Quidditch . Landing on a tree , Harry rested and watched the siblings play . Ginny was very good . Harry remembered her saying she wanted to play chaser , and from what he could see she would be great . Ron was a good keeper , but he didn 't have quite the elegance and grace on a broom that Ginny did . She was more of a natural flier - like Harry himself . Listening to the siblings talk , Harry was surprised at how friendly they were . While they certainly did their share of trash talking , they were also much closer than Harry had ever realised . They certainly never acted like this at Hogwarts . A wave of guilt washed over him as he realised that Ron usually paid much more attention to him and Hermione than to his sister during the school year . Harry certainly wouldn 't mind including Ginny more . She was fun and pretty and smart and she was a good Quidditch player . If falcons could blush , Harry was certain he would be bright red by now . He realised that he was attracted to Ginny . The question was what should he do about it ? He turned his attention to Ron . Ron had kind of hinted that he wouldn 't mind Harry and Ginny dating , but Harry wasn 't certain if Ron had been serious about it . He hoped Ron wouldn 't object . As he watched Ron play , he wondered why Ron had never had a girlfriend before . He kind of thought that Ron had a crush on Hermione , but as he never did anything about it Harry wasn 't certain . He shifted his weight as he considered the possibility of his two best friends dating . Would they be embarrassing to be around , like Bill and Fleur sometimes were ? Would they want to spend all of their time together leaving Harry on his own ? Harry wouldn 't mind the opportunity to spend more time with Ginny . Ginny flew across the clearing , circling her brother while laughing . Harry watched totally enchanted by the picture she made . She was wearing what Harry assumed to be an old Quidditch jersey of Charlie 's and a pair of denim shorts . Her hair was falling out of the plait she had put it in , and to Harry 's eyes she looked amazing . Her eyes were shining and her cheeks were red . She was beautiful . After watching the siblings play for a while , Harry realized he should take the opportunity to make contact with them . Looking around , Harry flew off to some bushes on the other side of the paddock . He remembered seeing wild rose bushes there a few summers ago and to his relief they were in bloom . After some trial and error , Harry managed to pick a pretty red rose and carry it in his beak . The siblings had just landed when Harry flew over and hovered in front of Ginny . She looked quite surprised , but after a moment held out her arm . Harry landed gently on her arm trying not to scratch her . Ginny smiled at him before glaring at her brother . " He brought me a rose , Ron . I don 't think he 's going to hurt me . " " Chi , chi , " Harry vocalized in a much softer tone of voice . He looked down at the ground and realized that where they were standing was soft , loose dirt . Reluctantly leaving Ginny 's arm , he flew down to the ground and landed in front on Ron . Ron gasped as Harry hopped over in front of Ginny and spelled out G - I - N - N - Y . Stepping in front of his sister , Ron pulled his wand from his pocket . " Who are you ? What do you want ? " Harry looked up at his best mate cautiously . For the first time , he looked all the way up into his friend 's face , realizing just how big he was - and he was a bit scary looking with his longer hair and the still visible scars on his arms . Hopping back a few paces , Harry carefully spelled out his own name and looked hopefully up at his friend . Harry nodded vigorously as he hopped over next to her . She seemed to be studying him and soon she said , " Look , above his eye . His feathers are a lot lighter , it looks like his scar . " Two pairs of disbelieving eyes swung over to Ron . Ginny shook her head at her brother . " He 's obviously stuck , Ron . He would have just changed back by now if he could . " Harry nodded while Ron started laughing . Glaring at his best mate , Harry flew up and pecked at Ron 's hand . " Sorry , " Ron replied a bit sheepishly as he tried to stop laughing . " I guess you didn 't listen to Hermione . " Following Ron 's suggestion , he flew up to Ron 's room . For a moment he wished he hadn 't , the bright screaming orange hurt his eyes . Was that why Pig was always bouncing off the walls ? Hedwig wasn 't there , so cautiously Harry flew back out the window and circled the topsy - turvy building looking for another way inside . One of the first floor windows facing the back garden was open , so Harry flew in . It was a bright and cheerful room , but thankfully without the screaming orange walls . Harry sat on the desk as he looked around the room . There was an unmade camp bed up against one wall and another bed with yellow bedding . The room was neat , much neater than Ron 's was usually kept . The books were neatly stacked on the desk and the wardrobe doors were shut . There were no piles of clothes on the floor . He liked this room , Harry decided . Just as he started getting comfortable , he looked around the room a bit more closely . One of the dresser drawers was open and to Harry 's mortification he saw a bra and several pairs of knickers . If he could blush , Harry knew that he would be bright red . As much as he thought he should probably leave , he just couldn 't get over the fact that he was in Ginny 's room . He looked around with much more interest this time . One the walls were several pictures of the Weasleys with more pictures of Bill and Charlie than the other brothers . There was a collage with a mixture of Muggle and Wizarding pictures . He saw a picture of Ginny and Neville at the Yule Ball ; he couldn 't believe he 'd missed that opportunity to ask her out . There were pictures of Ginny and her roommates , Ginny and Luna , and several pictures of the Gryffindor common room . He even saw several pictures of himself mixed in with the others . There was one of him playing Quidditch , one from the Yule Ball , and one where he was just hanging out in the common room . As he looked around the room , Hedwig flew into Ginny 's room and landed on the desk next to Harry . She hooted lowly and seemed relieved to discover Harry was still in one piece . If an owl could fuss , Hedwig was fussing over Harry . He found that while he still couldn 't understand exactly what she was saying , he got the gist of what she meant . Harry clicked at his owl , ' I 'm good , Hedwig . Ron and Ginny know who I am . ' Seeming to be mollified , Hedwig settled in and was soon asleep . Finding that he was rather tired as well after flying all day , Harry flew over to Ginny 's bed and settled down on the soft quilt . Within a few minutes , he was sound asleep . " In here , Ron ! " Ginny called . She and Ron had panicked when Harry hadn 't been in Ron 's room . Walking over to her bed , she sat down next to the beautiful falcon . Part of her was amazed that he had managed it , but part of her knew that if Harry put his mind to something - he would accomplish it . " Sshh ! " Ginny hushed him . " I don 't know why he 's here , but he 's sleeping and so is Hedwig . It must be a long trip from his aunt and uncle 's house . I imagine he 's worn out . Close my door . " Harry nodded and hopped a bit closer to Ginny . She responded by gently picking him up and setting him on her lap . " You must be tired , " she said . She ran her hand down Harry 's back and he snuggled closer against her . He would have been perfectly happy to stay there all night . " Ginny ! " Ron said in a horrified tone . " You can 't be picking Harry up and petting him . He might look like a bird , but he 'd still Harry . " He lifted Harry off Ginny 's lap and set him back on the bed . Harry glared grumpily at his best mate . He certainly hadn 't minded Ginny taking care of him . Harry vocalized a bit , but found himself wishing he had some other way of communicating with his friends . Looking around Ginny 's room , his eyes lit on her stack of books . Reluctantly flying over to the desk , he pecked at the Transfiguration book . Ginny rose and followed him . Ginny glared at him . " I think he 's asking about Professor McGonagall . " Turning to Harry she said , " I asked my mother and she said Professor McGonagall should be here in the morning . I told her I had a question with my Transfiguration homework so she 'll be sure to tell me when the professor gets here . " Ginny just shook her head , but Harry spotted the sadness in her eyes . He chirped and she looked at him . After a moment she shook her head , " I don 't know what you mean . " At the same time she seemed to realize they didn 't really have a good way to communicate . " Hold on a minute , Harry . I 'll be right back . " Ron watched his sister leave in confusion . " I really don 't understand that girl . " Turning back to his best mate , he asked , " So why 'd you come in here ? My window was open . " Before Harry could even consider how to reply , Ginny came back in carrying what looked to Harry like a computer keyboard . After closing the door , she set it down on her bed . " I got this from Bill . He was telling me the other day how they had to use these sometimes if one of the crew got hit with some type of curse where they can 't speak or they only speak in tongues - apparently that was a favourite of the Ancient Egyptians . He said he 'd let me play with one . " Ginny hurried downstairs and returned shortly with a tray holding a plain bowl of berries for Harry and two bowls of berries and cream for her and Ron . The two boys immediately started eating , while Ginny ate at a bit slower pace . Once Harry had eaten his fill , Ron claimed the rest of the berries . Harry looked at his friend in confusion , but he decided it wasn 't worth it to try to explain right now that his aunt and uncle really didn 't care where he was . He lifted his wings and settled them down in his version of a shrug . Ron must have assumed Harry was agreeing with him because he didn 't say anything else . Ron and Ginny exchanged a look . It was Ginny who answered , " I 'm not certain . I think someone is in Surrey , but I don 't think they are guarding you like they were last summer . Professor Dumbledore knows that you 've been riding your bike a lot , but I don 't know how he knows . " " Did you hear that Fudge was voted out of office ? " Ron asked with a touch of glee in his voice . " Dad was very happy about that . " Ron ran out of the room as Ginny went for her wand . She slammed the door behind him , but Harry could still see the hurt in her face . Luckily for Harry , she wasn 't crying . He didn 't handle crying girls very well . Without looking at Harry , she sank back down on the bed . Ginny blushed as she smiled at him . " Thank you , Harry . It 's okay , I know Ron is just being Ron . He doesn 't think before he talks sometimes . " Harry nodded , he knew that for a fact . Ginny ran her hand down Harry 's back before she continued , " I know Fleur is part Veela and she 's beautiful , but she … I don 't know . . . she doesn 't really fit in well . She and Mum aren 't getting along well , and she tends to treat me like I 'm about three years old . " She laughed , " Ron loses his mind every time he sees her , going all goofy . The twins hide it better , but they tend to get goofy also . It 's a bit annoying . " Ginny laughed when she read that . " Please , Harry . That 's a bit much . I mean , I know I 'm not the troll Ron makes me out to be , but I know I 'm not prettier than her . " He chirped quietly while he wondered if being sweet was a good thing or not . After a few moments of silence , Ginny said , " I 'm going to take a shower . Are you going to sleep in here ? " Harry 's brain jammed for a moment at the thought of her showering , but shaking that image he nodded . Ginny pulled a small blanket from the bottom of her wardrobe and made a makeshift nest for Harry on her desk next to Hedwig . He was soon asleep . Harry woke early the next morning feeling a bit sore all over . He imagined it was from all of the flying he 'd done the day before . Stretching a bit , he caught sight of Ginny sleeping in her bed . Inwardly , he blushed as he remembered their conversation from the night before , but he was glad that at least she knew he thought she was pretty . As he watched her sleep , he realized she was not just pretty , she was beautiful . Her multi - hued hair was spread all over her pillow . He 'd long been fascinated by her hair , there were just so many colours blended together . It looked so soft and silky , he longed to touch it , but he 'd never been that forward before . As he recalled how brilliant she 'd been last night in figuring out who he was and how to communicate with him , he resolved to ask her out as soon as possible . He needed to be human first . Realizing it was probably a bit creepy to just sit and watch Ginny sleep , Harry looked out the window . It was another beautiful day and the lure of the outdoors proved too strong . He slipped out the window and headed up into the sky . He spent quite some time swooping and diving and in general enjoying himself . As he rose above the Burrow , he could see clear to the river . He laughed as he watched some gnomes sneak back into the Weasley 's back garden . After he 'd flown around for a while , he noticed people starting to move about . Mrs Weasley came out to the hen house and collected eggs . He watched Mr Weasley leave for work , followed to his surprise by the twins . Dropping down , Harry flew by the kitchen window and the aromas from within the house were enticing . He couldn 't wait to become human again . Surely Mrs Weasley would feed him before sending him back to his relatives , right ? Tonks and Kingsley stopped by on their way to work . Harry listened in , but didn 't learn much news . Remus 's name came up and Harry listened closely . Tonks was worried about him , but said he was doing better . An unexpected wave of sorrow swept over him . He 'd forgotten how devastated Remus must be - after all he and Sirius had been friends since they were children . He wished he had a better relationship with Remus , but while Remus was always polite and friendly , he just didn 't encourage close friendships . Settling into one of the bushes outside the kitchen window , Harry waited . After the Aurors left , Ron and Ginny eventually made their way downstairs . As the two siblings sat at the table , Ron said , " You didn 't need to flip out last night , you loon . I didn 't mean anything bad . " Ginny shrugged . " He 's out flying . I saw him a while ago , diving and playing out there . He looked like he was having fun . " Once she finished the dishes , she prepared a bowl of berries and another dish with water for him . Harry ate and drank his fill . He butted his head up against Ginny 's hand in a gesture of thanks . She smiled at him as she puttered around and finished cleaning up the kitchen . Harry kept her company , just happy to be with his friends . It was mid - morning and the two were up in Ginny 's room . Harry was watching Ginny work on her summer essays . As an OWL student , Harry didn 't have any summer homework this year for which he was very grateful . Watching Ginny , he realized that she was quite smart . She worked hard and from what he read over her shoulder , she wrote very well . " Not exactly , " Ginny said as she closed the door behind her . She gestured for the professor to sit at her desk , while Ginny sat on the edge of her bed . She gestured to Harry who ruffled his feathers suddenly . Professor McGonagall looked at the bird for a moment before looking back at Ginny . " This appears to be a Peregrine Falcon . Why is it in your room ? " Harry ducked his head bashfully at her tone . Pulling her wand , Professor McGonagall confirmed that the bird in front of her was actually an Animagus . Standing , she gestured to the chair . He obeyed automatically and a moment later , Harry was sitting in the chair as a person . He knew immediately that he was back to normal . He stretched his arms and stood up . " Thank you , Professor , " Harry said gratefully . " Of course , " she replied . With a wave of her wand , she conjured up another chair and waved Harry back into the chair . Once they were all seated , Professor McGonagall said , " Please tell me what happened . " Harry was surprised , he 'd expected an immediate lecture . Quickly , he explained how he 'd found the book and everything that had happened over the past week . To his surprise , the professor nodded approvingly . " You did well , " she said . " I was afraid from what I 'd heard that you 'd rushed into this , but you did research your animal properly . Tell me what happened when you tried to transform , but you couldn 't . " He explained what he 'd done and how he woke up as a falcon . Professor McGonagall actually laughed . " I 'm sorry , Mr Potter . That must have been very disconcerting for you . " Professor McGonagall stood and reviewed the entire process before transforming into her cat Animagus . Harry watched closely . Once she had transformed back , she said , " Why don 't you try again ? " Harry was surprised , but did as he was instructed . To his surprise , it was much easier to transform . When he was once again a falcon , he flew around the room for a moment before landing back on the chair . He tried to transform and he could feel the panic rising when he didn 't transform right away . " Calm down , Mr Potter , " Professor McGonagall said soothingly . " You can do this . Close your eyes and feel the magic flowing through you . " She watched her student carefully and when she sensed he was ready , she said , " Transform . " " Good work , " she said at last . " I will speak to Professor Dumbledore . I don 't know that he would want to broadcast your ability , but it is a requirement that you register your Animagus form . Congratulations , Mr Potter . Very few people have the discipline necessary to become an Animagus . " The older witch studied the young girl 's face for a moment before nodding . She pulled a newer copy of the book Harry had used from her robe pocket . " I 've had this since I received Miss Granger 's letter . Is this the book you used ? " Harry nodded , " It 's the same book , but mine was a lot older . It was Sirius 's book and he had lots of notes and comments in the margin . " Harry felt proud of himself that he was not only able to say Sirius 's name , but he actually felt happy . " I 'm better , " Harry admitted . " The first few weeks were horrible , but I know Sirius wouldn 't want me to be so … depressed . I really miss him . " Harry swallowed . " It 's hard to think that I can 't write to him and he 'll answer me . I 'm angry , but I 'm realizing that it 's not all my fault . " " No , it is not , " she affirmed . " I am very sorry for your loss . Sirius loved you very much and I know he would be quite upset if you were to blame yourself for what happened . Voldemort is very adept at fooling people . Your vision at Christmastime saved Mr Weasley 's life , so it is reasonable to think this vision was real as well . " Harry lit up as he recounted following Hedwig and how she took him to visit Stonehenge . " It was brilliant , Professor . We were able to fly right up to the stones . " Harry frowned as he considered her question . " I can 't talk to her like I am to you now , but we can communicate . She seemed to know that I was just a bird form of Harry . I was talking , but of course it was coming out as clicking or chirping and she seemed to know what I meant . " He looked over at her . " Can you talk to other cats ? " Professor McGonagall took the questionnaire and looked it over . " Good . " Looking up she said a touch severely , " You must put in the work if you wish to become an Animagus . There are no short cuts . Read this book carefully and you need to study your form as well . Mr Potter 's idea of sketching the animal is an excellent idea . I will be pleased to help you become an Animagus , but I must impress upon you this is a difficult task . I do not want you to attempt to transform without me . " He blushed a bit , but continued , " For being such a good friend this summer . Your letters have been a life saver . You 've been great since I got here . I just really appreciate it . " Reluctantly , she stepped back and returned to her spot on the edge of her bed . Harry sat back down in the desk chair . He watched her wanting so much to say something , but not knowing how . Finally he decided to just push on . " Ginny … I don 't know if I 'm going to sound like a total prat or not , but … I really like you . I know you gave up on me and I don 't really blame you . I haven 't been a good friend to you at all . I hope you will give me a chance to make that up to you . " He looked up into her warm chocolate eyes . " Is there any way you would consider going out with me ? " " Yes , " she laughed . She reached out and took his hands in hers . " What on earth made you think I 'd given up on you ? " She shook her head . " I think she meant something other than what I meant . " She dropped her gaze for a moment . " I meant I had given up my ridiculous crush . " She blushed . " I want to thank you for never making fun of me or anything . I 'm sure it must have been embarrassing for you , but you never said anything . I realized that I 'd had a crush on some make - believe Harry Potter , not you . " Harry grinned . Standing , he pulled her to her feet and pulled her into his arms . Looking down into her eyes , he slowly leaned down giving her time to pull away . When she did not , he leaned down and kissed her . The first touch of her lips was soft and inviting . Harry soon discovered he really had no idea what kissing was like before he kissed Ginny . He kissed her slowly and tenderly , enthralled with the taste and feel of her . Professor McGonagall opened the door . " Mr Potter , I have received permission for you to stay here at the Burrow . We will return to Privet Drive to retrieve your belongings before returning here for the rest of the summer . It turned out to be the best summer of his life . After a rather blistering lecture from Mrs Weasley , she 'd engulfed him in a hug and fed him until he couldn 't move . Ron had seemed pleased that Harry and Ginny were dating , but he easily ran out of patience with them when they got lost in each other . Harry flew all over the Burrow both in his bird form and on his Firebolt . Professor McGonagall had returned his broom and along with it brought the Gryffindor Quidditch captain 's badge . He had been afraid that Ron might be upset , but Ron was thrilled for Harry . The last week of summer , Harry woke early on the first day , looking around trying to figure out what had woken him up . He 'd gone to bed early the night before with a Voldemort - induced headache , but he was feeling much better this morning . Sitting up he looked around the room . What had awoken him became apparent when a pretty , red fox jumped up on the bed next to him . " Ginny ? ! " Reaching out a hand , he petted the fox who seemed quite happy with the attention . After a moment , the fox pulled back and transformed back into a laughing Ginny . " Thanks , " she replied happily . " I finally got it last night when I was working with Professor McGonagall , but you were already asleep . " She laughed . " You should have seen the look on my dad 's face , he was so thrilled . " Ginny transformed back into her fox and was soon playing a game , with Harry chasing her around the room . She was running and jumping and having a wonderful time . The door slammed open , distracting Harry . He was quickly knocked to the ground with a triumphant fox sitting on his chest . A bleary eyed Ron stood in the doorway . " What the bloody hell is going on here ? Harry . . . " Ron gestured to the fox as Harry reached up and ruffled the fur on either side of Ginny 's face . Rolling his eyes at his best mate , Ron made his way into the room . As he reached down to touch Ginny on the top of her head , she nipped at his hand and made a strange kind of barking noise . Harry laughed as he sat up and cuddled the now purring fox on his lap . Ron shook his head . Ron laughed . " Yeah , cause I want to be cuddling with Harry . " He rolled his eyes before turning serious . " Congratulations , Ginny . You 've put a lot of really hard work in on this . " " Becoming an Animagus ? " Ron asked . He shook his head . " No , I mean I know the two of you have had a lot of fun , but I don 't think I want to do it . " Ron burst out the door of the Burrow and stopped short of hugging Hermione . A laughing Ginny pushed her brother aside and hugged her . The two girls started talking as Mrs Weasley came out to greet Mr and Mrs Granger . Harry dove towards the group causing Hermione to shriek and duck out of the way . Righting himself , Harry flew over and landed gently on Ginny 's shoulder . Ginny laughed as he rubbed his cheek against hers . " I 'm fine , Hermione . Thanks for worrying about me , " Harry said . Stepping back , he wrapped his arm around Ginny 's shoulder . " I 'm actually doing really well . " Sink Into Your Eyes is hosted by Computer Partners . HARRY POTTER , characters , names and related characters are trademarks of Warner Bros . TM & © 2001 - 2006 . Harry Potter Publishing Rights © J . K . R . Note the opinions on this site are those made by the owners . All stories ( fanfiction ) are owned by the author and are subject to copyright law under transformative use . Authors on this site take no compensation for their works . This site © 2003 - 2006 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED . Special thanks to : Aredhel , Kaz , Michelle , and Jeco for all the hard work on SIYE 1 . 0 and to Marta for the wonderful artwork .
|
Our pet supply has dwindled over the last year . We used to have 26 pets ( most of those were fish ) . Now we have three : a cat , a dog , and a frog . My nine - year - old son didn 't think that was good enough . So when we went to Barnes and Noble book store and spotted a kit for growing triops , my son insisted we buy it . ( Who knew you could find pets at a book store ? ) A few days ago , we set up the aquarium ( these are water creatures ) . We emptied half of the egg packet and waited for something to happen . Today something happened . Three baby triops hatched . What the heck is a triop ? Let me show you : Triops were around during the time of the dinosaurs . Somehow they managed to survive global warming and environmental pollution . Now let 's see how long they survive in my son 's room ! I took my kids gold mining in the northern hills of Georgia . We had a great time . Our stash amounted to fifteen flakes of gold , so I guess we 'd better not quit our day jobs ! While we were on the underground mine tour , we heard a lot of tales about ghosts . Apparently quite a few folks died in the mine . Our guide led us to a dark area . " Right in this very spot , the ceiling collapsed , killing all the workers under it . The supervisor was standing over there . " He pointed to an area about twenty feet away . " He was so mortified about losing his workers , that he went home and didn 't eat or drink . He died in about a week or so . It 's said that his ghost comes back to take care of those he lost . So keep your eyes out for him . " Bubba wasn 't so sure of that . He stayed close by my side as we walked through the cold , damp tunnel . After a while , he stopped . " Look , Mama . What 's that ? " He pointed to a shadow on the wall . It wasn 't very big , but it was an unusual shape . Every Friday in December , as part of the ' Tis More Blessed Giveaway , hosted by Milo James Fowler , I have given away free copies of both of my books ( That Mama is a Grouch , and That Baby Woke Me Up , AGAIN ) to one lucky winner . This is the last Friday of the month , and therefore the last chance to win . Even if you already have copies , feel free to participate , because they could make great gifts for anyone you know . Just leave a comment below for a chance to win . These are hard copies of my book , and I am willing to mail them anywhere in the world . Be sure to visit Milo to find out who else is participating and have a chance to win their books as well . My twelve - year - old daughter is a girly girl . She likes makeup , fashion , and perfume . So for Christmas , I had the brilliant idea to get her a perfume - making kit . I don 't know what I was thinking , but it sounded like a good idea at the time . She made a face and popped open one of the vials . She gave it a good sniff . " Ugh ! " she said . " This smells like poop ! " Meanwhile , I had picked up the instructions and started reading . I knew the girl wasn 't going to do it , so I figured I 'd better give her some guidance . " Okay . Here 's a sample recipe . You need five drops of Lemony , one drop of Mella , and six drops of Finalia . " She picked up a vile and suctioned up five drops . She put it in the mixing cup . " Mom , " she said after she sniffed it . " This doesn 't smell like Lemony . " I let her do her thing . When she was done , I sniffed the finished product . " Whoa . That 's strong ! What the heck did you put in there ? " ( Uh huh . And apparently sitting in the stink zone has adverse affects on one 's brain , thereby decreasing one 's ability to do math ! ) Posted by At my son 's school Christmas party , there were a variety of games - toss the marshmallows through the wreath into the bucket , Hershey kiss unwrap , candy cane hook , and jingle bell jump . It was my job to man the snowball ping pong game . Kids were supposed to bounce a ping pong ball into plastic red cups . I stood behind the table , ready to catch whatever balls came my way . Easy , right ? Wrong ! Not when you have six kids lined up with balls , all bouncing them as high as they could . Those wild balls went everywhere ! " Hey , " I said . " Can we do a tamer version of this game ? How about one at a time , and try to aim for the cup . " They thought about that . Then my son had a brilliant idea ( go figure ! ) . " Let 's play bowling ! " He grabbed the cups , lined them up , and rolled the balls , knocking them down . " Okay , " I said . " This is interesting . " It went smoothly for a while , but then the balls and cups started flying everywhere . Everybody thought that was great , so they made a towering masterpiece . Which worked just fine , until another kid decided that it was time for an earthquake to strike . The tower toppled over . Finally one little girl grabbed a cup . " Cup song ! " she announced . She did a lovely rendition of the infamous cup song , after which everyone segued into the " What does the Fox Say ? " Thank you to all who visited my blog and commented during the ' Tis More Blessed Giveaway . The winner of my books is Kristy Marie Feltenberger Gillespie ( Wow , that 's a mouthful ! ) Congratulations , Kristy ! I hope you enjoy the books ! There will be one more chance to win next Friday , so be sure to stop by . Every Friday in December , as part of the ' Tis More Blessed Giveaway , hosted by Milo James Fowler , I am giving away free copies of both of my books ( That Mama is a Grouch , and That Baby Woke Me Up , AGAIN ) to one lucky winner . Even if you already have copies , feel free to participate , because they could make great gifts for anyone you know . Just leave a comment below for a chance to win . These are hard copies of my book , and I am willing to mail them anywhere in the world . Be sure to visit Milo to find out who else is participating and have a chance to win their books as well . 4 . Let your ten family members know you have awarded them . That 's it ! Just make sure these people have taken you in as a friend / family member , and then spread that love ! Here is my list of ten bloggers . All of these people visit my blog regularly . Special thanks to them for always stopping by and leaving comments ! If you don 't know any of these people , be sure to visit them . They 're awesome ! I 'm always complaining about my family members not cleaning up their dirty clothes . I don 't understand why it 's so difficult for them to get their things off the floor and put them in the hamper . Well , today my husband had a brilliant solution to the problem . I walked into my bedroom and looked up . Hanging from the ceiling fan , was a pair of underwear , an undershirt , and a pair of socks . I 'm giving away free ebooks on Facebook as part of a Christmas Author Fest that 's going on over there . I 'm also celebrating getting 500 likes on my Facebook fan page . Because you are all so awesome , I didn 't want to leave you guys out of the fun , so here 's the information on how to get free electronic copies of That Mama is a Grouch and That Baby Woke Me Up , AGAIN . ( I 'm still giving hard copies of them each Friday in December , so be sure to stop by again for that . ) " No , Bubba . A T - Rex is not a creature that can be domesticated . And even if it was good , it would take one step and demolish everything ! " Have you ever wondered where socks disappear to when they get washed and dried ? I always seem to have at least one sock without a pair when I finish the laundry . Well , now I have the answer . The dryer eats them ! How do I know ? Let me tell you . I had finished another load of laundry , and as I always do , I took the lint catcher out to clean it . I normally do not look in the space where the lint catcher sits , but out of the corner of my eye , I thought I saw a dust bunny . I bent down for a closer inspection . Sure enough , it was a dust bunny . A giant one that looked to be about the size of a hare . I pulled it out . That 's when I discovered that the dust bunny was attached to a pair of underwear . Hmmm , I thought and tossed it on the floor . I looked inside and saw that there was something else still down there . I couldn 't reach it with my fingers , so I grabbed the closest thing I could - a paint brush . I maneuvered the handle into the crevice and came up with something else . A sock ! To make a long story short , the paintbrush and I pulled out two pairs of underwear , and four socks - all covered in dust . So ladies and gentlemen , learn from me . If your socks go missing , open up your dryer , lift out the lint catcher , and see what your machine has been snacking on . Thanks to everyone who left a comment during the ' Tis More Blessed giveaway . Helena is the lucky winner ! There will be two more chances in December to win , so be sure to stop by this Friday for another opportunity . " Sorry , Bubba , " I said . " All the thermometers in the house are broken . " I felt his forehead . " You feel okay . Maybe it 's just a cold . " He held up his other finger , indicating that I should wait . When he was done , he pulled out his finger and looked at it . " Just what I thought . 99 . 9 degrees . I have a fever . " Every Friday in December , as part of the ' Tis More Blessed Giveaway , hosted by Milo James Fowler , I am giving away free copies of both of my books ( That Mama is a Grouch , and That Baby Woke Me Up , AGAIN ) to one lucky winner . Even if you already have copies , feel free to participate , because they could make great gifts for anyone you know . Just leave a comment below for a chance to win . These are hard copies of my book , and I am willing to mail them anywhere in the world . Be sure to visit Milo to find out who else is participating and have a chance to win their books as well . Yesterday , I took the boy to get a hair cut . When it was his turn , he sat in the chair and yappity yapped about whatever was on his mind at the moment . The stylist , an Asian man , interjected a comment or two . I pulled a pork loin out of the refrigerator and slopped a mixture of mustard , apple cider vinegar , and basil on it . Then I tossed it in the oven . " I have to go to work , " I announced . " Can you pull this thing out of the oven when it 's ready ? " I left . A few hours later , when I came back , I asked my husband how the pork was . " It was good , but it took a lot longer to cook than you said . " Every day , I test my nine - year - old son on his math facts , using flash cards . Yesterday , we worked on multiplication . He did well for a while , then he had a harder problem . He grabbed the card from my hand , pulled up his shirt , and shoved the card in the little crease by his belly button . " It 's a magic belly button . It reads the card and tells me the answer . " He looked down at the card and jiggled it around his belly button . " Eighty - one , " he announced . Thank you to everyone who visited and left comments in the " Tis More Blessed Giveaway hosted by Milo James Fowler . The winner of my two books is Janie Junebug ! Congratulations , Janie ! I 'll do the giveaway again this Friday , so please stop by for another chance to win . ' Tis the season for baking Christmas cookies . Yesterday , I made cut out cookies - sugar cookies in fancy shapes , decorated with way too many sprinkles . When they had cooled , by kids naturally wanted to try some . " One cookie , " I said . My son , who had taken a bell - shaped cookie , started meticulously biting into it . I watched him , fascinated . After he had taken a few bites , he showed me the result . " A moose , " he announced . Every Friday in December , as part of the ' Tis More Blessed Giveaway , hosted by Milo James Fowler , I am giving away free copies of both of my books ( That Mama is a Grouch , and That Baby Woke Me Up , AGAIN ) to one lucky winner . Even if you already have copies , feel free to participate , because they could make great gifts for anyone you know . Just leave a comment below for a chance to win . These are hard copies of my book , and I am willing to mail them anywhere in the world . Be sure to visit Milo to find out who else is participating and have a chance to win their books as well . Schultz , our three - year - old German Shepherd , has generally been pretty good . When he was a puppy , he was in trouble just about every day , and had numerous time - outs in his crate . Well , his " good streak " ended yesterday . My husband let him outside for a potty break . He even stood outside waiting , because we still don 't have a fence for our yard ( city permits take forever to get down here in the south ! ) . After Schultz did his business , he started meandering around , sniffing . It took thirty minutes for that beast to find his way back home . And boy , was he in trouble . His Daddy yelled at him and stuck him in his crate for the rest of the day ! I don 't think he 'll be doing that again , any time soon . I hope . Dream Destination Blog Hop It 's time for Lexa and Julie 's Dream Destination Blog Hop . I 'm supposed to tell you about my dream destination and then invite you over to Lexa or Julie 's blog where a Rafflecopter is going on . You can win one of nineteen prizes ! Where 's my dream destination ? That 's really a tough one . There are so many interesting places to see in this world , that it 's hard to choose just one . I love Paris , because there 's always something new to see or do . And I really like Cozumel , Mexico for the SCUBA diving . But I 'm going to say my dream destination is Bora Bora . Doesn 't it look just heavenly ? One more thing : Yesterday , my son informed me that jellyfish are immortal , which is true . Then he said lobsters were immortal . So I had to look it up . And guess what ? He was right ! Here 's the article : http : / / voices . yahoo . com / lobsters - immortal - 7446390 . html . " Okay , I 'm going to look this up . " So I did . And guess what ? One kind of species of jellyfish is indeed " immortal . " One thing I 've had my kids do every year since they could write , is create an Illustory book . They come up with a story , illustrate it , and then mail it to a company which turns it into a hard - cover book . The kids like to reread them , looking back and see how their writing and drawings have improved , and seeing what exactly was on their minds each year . Yesterday , my nine - year - old son found one of the books he had written when he was six . He sat on the sofa and read through it . After reading it , he became rather sentimental . " Mama , this reminds me of when I was a kid . " " When you were a kid ? " I asked . " Aren 't you still a kid ? " " No , " he replied . " When I was a kid , we lived in Cincinnati , and I had a lot of friends . It was fun back then . Now I 'm grown up . Not so much fun . I wish I could go back to the good old days . " ( Hate to tell you , kid , you 're still in the good old days . Just you wait until you become a real grown - up ! ) Posted by Yesterday my kids and I put up the Christmas tree . It 's a tradition that after we do so , we make a fancy cup of hot cocoa and drink it while listening to Christmas music and admiring the tree . I placed a steaming cup of hot cocoa in front of my nine - year - old son and told him that he could put the whipped cream and toppings on it . He grabbed a can of Reddi Wip and sprayed a mountain of the white stuff on top . Then he got the Hershey 's chocolate sauce and squeezed about a third of the container onto the mountain he already created . " Mama , " he said . " This isn 't all for the cocoa . Watch . " He dipped his finger into it and spread the goop onto his face . When he was done , he had a white mustache and beard ( and a few sprinkles ) . " See . I decorated my face for Christmas . Now I 'm Santa Claus ! " Posted by Our hundred pound German Shepherd 's favorite toy is a rubber squeaky ball . He runs around all day with that thing in his mouth , squeaking away . I find it incredibly annoying , but since the dog enjoys it so much , I let him play with it . Apparently Schultz did not share my sentiments . He ran around with the ball , dropped it , and stared at me , wondering what the heck was wrong with his toy . He did the same thing with my husband . When he didn 't get a reaction from either of us , he shoved the ball in a corner and lay down on the ground , looking completely dejected . So that 's what we did . We went to the pet store and got Schultz a brand new squeaky ball . Needless to say , when we presented the new toy , Schultz was delighted . He grabbed that ball and resumed the noise making . And he 's still doing it . Too bad it doesn 't have an off switch ! Posted by My kids still keep in touch with their friends from Cincinnati . In fact , they spend hours on the speakerphone , talking with them and playing online video games . Yesterday , they were on the phone . I heard the two boys on the other end giggling and carrying on , just as my kids were . It sounded like my house was full of kids . I sat down at the kitchen table and listened in on their conversation . " Dude , " my son said to one of the boys . " My mom can hear you . She 's right here . " I don 't know about you , but I have a lot of leftover turkey . What does one do with leftover turkey ? Make sandwiches , of course ! This afternoon , for lunch , I piled up a bunch of turkey between some slices of bread , along with apples , poppy seed dressing and cheese . I plopped it in front of my kids and told them to eat it . My son made a face , but bit into it . " Mama , " He said after he swallowed . " Can 't you get salmonella poisoning from eating raw turkey ? " I went to the store to pick up the donuts . I scoured that place , but could not find even one jelly - filled donut . Since I don 't know where any other donut stores are , and I don 't feel like making them from scratch , I bought a dozen glazed donuts . Good enough , I thought . I went to the refrigerator and pulled out a jar of grape jelly . I opened it , and smeared a layer of the purple stuff on top of a donut and handed it to her . " There you go . A jelly donut , just for you ! " Today , she gave me a makeup tutorial . " Mom , you really should do your eyeliner differently . I think Urban Decay eyeliner would work better than what you 're using . " " Here , let me show you what kind of makeup you should use to make yourself look pretty . " She brought up the Sephora website . If you don 't know what Sephora is , it 's a huge makeup store . " Here , " she said . " Naked Urban Decay eye shadows . That 's a basic palate . " She continued this way , going through eyeliners , foundations , blush , brushes , and mascara . By the time she was finished , she had about $ 800 worth of products . " That should do it , Mom . If you get all of these and use them , you might look good . " I was driving my kids around town today . We had several stops , which meant they had to spend a lot of time in the car . To break the monotony , they decided it would be great fun to belt out songs that were on the radio . " The Chubby Bunny Marshmallow challenge . You have to put a marshmallow in your mouth and say , ' chubby bunny . ' You keep adding marshmallows until you can 't do it any more . " My boy , Bubba , came home from school , absolutely starving . Unfortunately , I was on an important phone call , and couldn 't really stop to cook . I boiled a pot of water and dumped some macaroni noodles in while I was on the phone . When I got off the phone , I looked in the pot . " Bubba , what 's this ? " Powdered cheese was floating on the surface of the water , while the noodles were clumped on the bottom of the pot . I handed him the seasonings , which he sprinkled over the top . Then he tasted it . " Perfect , Mama . See . I know how to cook mac and cheese ! " Posted by I looked at the kid . I could barely see him , and I wasn 't convinced that he was actually reading in there . " Bubba , please read out loud so I know you 're doing what you 're supposed to be doing . " He started reading . It seemed he actually was reading the words on the pages . Fifteen minutes later , he was done . He dug himself out of the pillow pile and plopped the book on the table . We have quite a few deer living in the woods behind our house . They make an appearance every morning . Usually , it 's rather uneventful . They eat their leaves and retreat into the forest . Not this morning . This morning it was massive chaos , because this morning , our crazy German Shepherd , Schultz , decided it would be a lot of fun to chase the deer . I took him out at six o ' clock in the morning , when it was still dark , to do his business . Unbeknownst to me , the entire herd was grazing in my backyard . Schultz spotted them immediately . There was no way I could hold the hundred pound beast back . Fortunately , the beast is a well - trained creature . He skidded to a stop . The deer ran off to who - only - knows where , and Schultz followed me into the house , with a big doggy grin and his tongue nearly dragging on the ground . My family and I went to the CNN studios in Atlanta for a grand tour of the place . It was pretty interesting . My nine - year - old son , Bubba , thought the cameras were really cool . So when the tour guide asked for a volunteer to come up and be an anchorman , my son raised his hand right away . And of course , because he 's a cute kid , he got picked . He marched up and parked himself at the big desk . The tour guide operated the teleprompter while the cameras rolled . He read his script like a real professional . Then came the end - the part where the anchorman gives his name . We got out the chess board and set up the pieces . Surprisingly , he remembered what I had taught him a long time ago . He was doing pretty well . After about a half hour , I was getting tired of the game . I also had a ton of things to do , so I decided to make a bold move and see what happened . I moved my queen all the way up the board and parked her right next to his king . " Check , " I said . I was sitting at my computer , doing my thing ( whatever that is ) , when I heard a baby crying . On and on the baby went . Clearly , he was quite upset . After ten minutes of listening to this , I wondered why the baby was still outside and why he was still crying . What 's up with this , and where 's the Mom ? I thought . Yes . The " baby " was none other than our cat , Bootsy . Another tom cat had come up on the deck ( Bootsy 's territory ) and parked himself there . Bootsy was not happy ! It took me a minute to get over the shock that my cat sounded exactly like a human baby . But then I got into mom mode and chased off the intruder . When my nine - year - old son does his homework , I have to sit next to him , supervising . If I don 't , his mind has a tendency to wander , and the work doesn 't get done . Last night I sat next to him at the kitchen table . But instead of doing his homework , he was goofing around , looking out the window and humming songs . Schultz , our hundred pound German Shepherd , had a romp with the oh - so - famous cartoon character , Sponge Bob Square Pants . And it didn 't go so well for the sponge guy . Let me tell you about it . My kids inflated a Sponge Bob Square Pants punching balloon - a huge yellow thing with Sponge Bob 's trademark smiling face and buck teeth . They proceeded to punch the heck out of it . Schultz heard the commotion and came in to investigate . Of course he wanted a piece of the action . He jumped on that thing , causing the kids to release it and run away . It was all Schultz 's after that ! He chased it with his mouth wide open , ready to sink his fangs into Sponge Bob if he caught him . Sponge Bob ran for his life , bouncing against tables and walls . This went on for almost ten minutes . Finally , Schultz cornered the big yellow thing . He pounced and took a bite out of Sponge Bob 's eyeball . There 's a star living at my pad . He 's none other than our hundred pound German Shepherd , Schultz . I was walking him the other day when a neighborhood garage sale was taking place . People swarmed the street . When they saw Schultz , they stopped and stared . " What a big dog ! " they exclaimed . " Is he friendly ? " Schultz sat nicely while everyone patted his big head and scratched his back . Some people came over with their cameras . " He 's a beautiful dog , " they said . " Can we take his picture ? " The moms pulled out their cameras . " Your dog is the biggest we 've ever seen ! " they said . " Can we take his picture with our kids ? " I now know what it is like to be buried alive - under pillows ! Last night , the kids and I had movie night . Instead of watching the movie , my nine - year - old son decided it would be great fun to bury me under all the pillows in the house . He started with the sofa pillows . Ten of them . He piled them up , so all you could see was my face . " Bubba , " I said . " I 'd really like to see this movie . Could you cut out the pillow piling ? " Fortunately my daughter had some sense , and removed the pillows ( much to my son 's dismay ) . Otherwise I might have just died under that pillow pile ! Posted by Here 's the person I miss : Judy at Life . . . Minute by Minute . ( But guess what ? I just popped over there , and she showed up again ! She 's been back a few days . She had been gone since April . I thought she was never coming back . Yippee ! ) 1 . Yvonne Lewis who has nostalgic music playing on her blog of lovely poems . ( Apparently Yvonne is having some trouble with her website , so I can 't get the link . But those of you who know her , know what a sweet lady she is ! ) 3 . Dana who is like a ray of sunshine with all her Sunday Inspirations and Friday Funnies . If you have a chance , stop by and visit all of these wonderful bloggers ! At 6 : 00 this morning , I went into my son 's bedroom to wake him up for school . " Time to get up ! " I said in my usual cheery voice . My boy came down shortly after and stared at the cereal . " Mama . We need to get different cereal . I don 't like this stuff and you give it to me every day . " I looked at the kid . " Listen . I think you must 've gotten up on the wrong side of the bed . Why don 't you go back upstairs and try this again ? " So that 's what he did . When he came back down , he ate his cereal without a complaint . Apparently waking up on the other side of the bed helped ! My twelve - year - old daughter really misses her best friend from Cincinnati ( where we lived before our recent move ) . They used to have sleepovers all the time . Fortunately , because of technology , they are still able to keep in touch regularly . So that 's what they did - watched part of a movie , ate popcorn , danced around to music , talked about girl stuff , and went to bed . The only thing that was missing was the pillow fight . And I certainly didn 't miss that ! " If you sleep a long time , your arteries will clog up . Then blood won 't be able to get to your brain or heart . And then you 'll have a heart attack or stroke . Which will make you die . " My kids came home with a huge stash of candy after last night 's Trick - or - Treat session . After I checked all of it , they started munching away . It looked like they intended to eat the entire supply in one sitting . " Wait a minute , " I said . " Only four little pieces . We don 't need you rotting your teeth out tonight ! " " Yeah . All you have to do is get some milk and let it go stale . When it dries out , you 'll see some powdered stuff left . Take the powdered stuff and shape it into a tooth , because that 's what teeth are made out of . " Last week I think I told you about the silly flashlight game that my husband did with my dog . If you didn 't read about it , here 's a recap : My husband took our hundred pound German Shepherd outside at ten o ' clock at night and shined a flashlight on the ground . The goofy dog chased the light around and around until he was completely dizzy and exhausted . And do you know what ? It was fun ! ( PS : Happy Halloween to all who celebrate it ! - Which reminds me , I have to go carve some pumpkins ! ) I 'd like to thank Deanie Humphrys - Dunne for giving me the Sunshine Blogger Award . Isn 't it pretty ? So here 's how this little thing works : I have to answer eleven questions , and then nominate eleven other bloggers to do the same . 1 . What is your favorite vacation place ? Hmm . That 's a tough one . I guess it depends on what kind of vacation I want . If I want cosmopolitan , I 'd vote for Paris . That 's such a great city , and every time I go , I see something new . If I want to relax , Bora Bora is the place to be ! 2 . What is your favorite dessert ? Ice cream ! Followed by chocolate , and cake , and cookies , and pie . Yes , I have a major sweet tooth ! 3 . What is your favorite season ? Autumn ! I love the colors of the leaves and the smell of the air . I also tend to do more baking , so the house smells good , too ! 4 . What is your favorite thing to do in your spare time ? Spare time ? Are you kidding ? If I had spare time , I 'd travel , read more , practice my instruments , and hike on nature trails . 5 . Where would you like to live if you could choose anywhere ? Actually , I 've lived all over the place , and believe it or not , my favorite place is a little town called Lakewood in Ohio , near Cleveland . Isn 't that crazy ? 6 . What 's your favorite color ? Red ! 7 . What 's the most exciting thing that has happened to you this year ? Well , a lot has happened this year ! I got to travel almost nine hundred miles with a cat in my car as we moved to Georgia . That was exciting . Sort of . And I got an agent for my chapter book series . That was more exciting . I 'm playing with a new orchestra , which is fun and exciting . And I 'm a director of a new foundation that 's going to promote humanitarian efforts all over the world . That 's really exciting ! 8 . Tell us something about yourself we might not already know . Something you don 't know ? I 've done a lot of these , so I have to dig deep for this one . Okay . When I was six years old , I had a very high fever from pneumonia - 105 degrees . I remember seeing caterpillars crawling all over me . It was scary ! I was hospitalized for it . Fortunately I got better , but the illness scared my parents so much that they decided to move me to Florida where the weather was better . And that 's how I ended up in Florida when I was a kid . 9 . Do you have a pet ? Ha ! Do I have a pet ? What kind of silly question is that for the Mama ? Yes . I have a pet . I used to have 26 pets , but we got rid of a few for the move . Now I 'm down to three - a cat , a dog , and a frog . 11 . What did you like doing most when you were a kid ? I always enjoyed building sand castles and searching for fiddler crabs at the beach . I also liked reading , writing , and playing a little keyboard I had . I guess I haven 't changed much ! Now I 'm supposed to select 11 other bloggers , which isn 't going to happen , because the great majority of you already have a lot of followers or have received this award before . So , I 'll select some bloggers who would probably appreciate a boost in followers . ( But if you would like this award , feel free to grab it ! ) I decided to go for a walk in the woods behind our house , just because it was such a nice autumn day . Bootsy , our cat who acts like a dog , followed me . We stopped when we got to the river . That 's when the squirrel appeared . It flicked its big bushy tail and ran right at me . Meanwhile , Bootsy was in full stalk mode . He crouched patiently in the leaves , waiting to make his move . Suddenly , the cat pounced . And missed . The squirrel took off like a bat out of you know where . I figured he 'd retreat , deep into the woods , and never be seen again . But no . That stupid rodent turned around and ran back towards me with the cat following close behind . Then it veered sharply and ran up a tree . Bootsy followed about half - way up , but then decided it wasn 't worth it . He came back down and left the squirrel in the tree . Yeah , go ahead squirrel , laugh . I thought . Tomorrow you might not be so lucky . I 've seen my feline friend decapitate some of your buddies . You 're going to end up haunting these woods as a headless fur ball if you don 't change your attitude ! Posted by Last week it was a car wash . This week it 's a doggy wash . Our hundred pound German Shepherd was in need of a bath . He smelled like dirty socks , which is never a good thing . We went outside . It was my job to hold the beast while the operation took place . I had him on a leash , but at times , it was necessary to hold him by the collar . My husband sprayed the oversized fur ball down with the garden hose . He sprayed me , too . My twelve - year - old daughter is not a farmer . ( Which probably does not come as a surprise to you ! ) Last night , when she was studying for a biology test , she asked me to quiz her on some terms . Crop rotation was one of them . She thought about that for a second . " It 's when corn spins around in circles and gets dizzy . Like when you 're on a merry - go - round . " " Oh . " She said . " So that means you spin in circles between corn crops and soy bean crops until you get so dizzy you fall down . Then you get buried and become fertilizer . And that 's how more nutrients get put into the soil . " We 're back to eating chicken at my pad . And of course , there 's always a comment . This one was from my nine - year - old son , Bubba . " Dude , I 'm sorry but those aren 't fish scales . " Then I asked him a question . " Why would a chicken have fish scales ? Fish and chickens are not related . " " Chickens sometimes eat fish that have diseases . If a chicken eats a diseased fish , they can start growing scales . This one obviously ate a bad fish . " As I came up with the title for this post , it reminded me of a book by one of my blogger buddies , Pat Hatt , called Boo and the Backyard Zoo . So here 's a little shout out for Pat . Check out his book , here . It 's that time of year , again . Time to go booing . What ? you ask . Well , let me explain it to you . Booing is when you fill up a plastic jack - o - lantern with candy and you sneak over to one of your neighbor 's houses in the dark , ring their doorbell , leave the candy , and run like a mad person as quick as you can so they don 't know who it was . Usually when my kids and I do this little stunt , we use a getaway car . The kids do their thing , and then run back to the car . I squeal out of there before anyone can write down my license plate number and report me to the police . It was about 8 : 30 PM , and quite dark . My kids had scouted out the neighborhood earlier , and decided who their victims would be . We made our way stealthily to the first victim . My son put the candy - filled jack - o - lantern on the porch , rang the doorbell , and ran . He and I hid behind a bush , waiting to see if the person would come to the door . They didn 't . On to the next house . Same thing . The jack - o - lantern was left and the doorbell was rung . My son scurried out of there super quick . Good thing , too , because those people answered right away . They were super - excited about being booed . " Okay , " I said . " We have to keep hiding . " The car came slowly down . We watched from our spot . And guess what it was ? A police car ! I won 't tell you exactly what I thought , because this is a G rated blog , but let me just say , I got real nervous ! Bootsy , our cat , has apparently made a few friends . When I looked out the kitchen window , onto my back deck , I saw him lounging lazily on the porch rail . And then I looked again . There was another cat , a white one with brown and orange splotches sitting on the table . I looked at her . She looked at me . I went outside . All the cats but Bootsy took off . " Sorry , Bootsy . I 'm sending your lady friends home . We will not have a cat party on my deck today , thank you very much ! " Posted by Car Wash Usually I take my car to one of those automatic car washes when it needs to be cleaned . Yesterday I decided to do the job myself - mostly because I didn 't feel like spending $ 40 . 00 to have it done . ( Yes , in this fine state of Georgia , I 've discovered that automatic car washes are few and far between - they 're all expensive wash - by - hand deals . ) " I 'll use my hands . " He scooped handfuls of suds and deposited them onto my car . Then he took the hose and sprayed . Except he missed the car and got me . He giggled . Then the dog came out and started romping around . He got wet , too , and shook himself off - all over me and my car . She did okay until it was time to rinse . A spray of water hit me right in the back of the head . " Excuse me , " I said , " How are you hitting me way over here , when the car is over there ? " She laughed . And then there was my husband . He was messing around in the garage while all this was going on . I didn 't notice that he was near the automatic sprinkler control panel . Two seconds later , the sprinklers came on . And of course , I was standing right next to them . " Got you ! " my husband called . " Bubba , " I said . " I don 't think you 'd fall at the speed of light , but you 'd go pretty fast . As far as continuing to space , I think the force of gravity would kick in , and send you back the other way . " He thought about that a second . " That would be cool . Then you could go back and forth bouncing from one side of the Earth to the other . They should invent an amusement park ride like that . " Bubba got concerned after I read that . " Mama , we 're definitely going to have a bear visit ! Bootsy ( our adopted stray cat ) lives outside . Our garbage cans are outside . And Bootsy eats his food outside ! " Hmm . Big problem . Bootsy is good at fighting raccoons , but I 'm not so sure how he 'd do against a bear . What do you think ? Should we construct a giant barbed - wire fence around our property ? I wonder how the home owner 's association would feel about that ! I gave him some tokens and let him go to town . For the first run , he picked the Sonoma Valley option . You should 've seen him speed through those farm lands ! He banged into fences , plowed over a few cows , and knocked cars off the road . I nodded and gave him a few more tokens . This time he chose the big city option . Same thing . He plowed into guard rails , construction vehicles , and buildings . Then he decided to drive in a mall . He killed a few screaming people in that place . When he was done , he laughed . " That was great ! " Dizzy Dog My husband thought it would be a good idea to make our hundred pound German Shepherd spin in circles . I kid you not . Here 's what happened : At ten o ' clock at night he took the dog out to play . And guess what he had with him ? A flashlight . He shined that thing on the ground and let the dog chase it . Schultz was thrilled ! Back and forth across the yard Schultz ran . Then my husband got creative . He shined the light so that Schultz would have to spin around in circles to chase it . I 've never seen a dog spin so fast ! Eventually Schultz got so dizzy , he could barely stand up . Yesterday , my son had an after - school activity . Surprisingly , I remembered . I kept track of the time , making sure I wouldn 't be late to pick him up . ( You know how it is when you get involved with things . ) Before I left , I cooked some pork chops on the grill . I knew I wouldn 't have time to do it when I got home , because I 'd have to run out the door again to go to work . Noticing that it was getting dangerously close to time I had to leave , I enlisted the help of my husband to finish the grilling . Thankfully , he obliged . I dashed to my car , certain that I 'd be a few minutes late . And that would not be good , because the teacher specifically said that tardiness would not be tolerated . Parents who were tardy would be fined . ( Can you believe it ? Talk about pressure ! ) I got to the school expecting to see a line of kids waiting to be picked up . There was no line . I looked at my watch . I was two minutes late . Panic set in . I knew I was going to be in trouble . I walked over to the module where I knew the kids had class and knocked on the door . The teacher answered . I peered inside and saw all the kids sitting happily at their computers . What ? " Um , hi , " I said . " I 'm here to pick up my son . " I looked at my watch again . Yep . I was an hour early . All the kids in the class laughed . What can I say ? I 'm just a dumb mama ! " That doesn 't make sense . What if you lived on a planet that was right on the edge of the universe ? You 'd be worried about falling into the giant void all the time ! " I thought that was pretty good reasoning coming from a kid his age . " You 're absolutely right , Bubba . It 's like in the days of Christopher Columbus when everyone thought the world was flat . But it 's not flat , is it ? " " I think it 's a big bubble , " I said . " You 'll never get to the end . If you could , you 'd probably just go around and around and around . " " Yeah . I don 't get it either . But if you study physics , you might figure it out . And if you do , enlighten me ! " So what do you think ? Is the universe flat , or is it round ? And if it 's flat , what happens if you get to the end ? And if it 's round , what 's outside of it ? Posted by Sorry I 've been a little remiss about posting . This past weekend was my daughter 's birthday , so we had family come visit . I 've also been ridiculously busy with other things . So , I 'll do my best to post every day , but don 't be surprised if I don 't show up on occasion . My daughter is now the ripe old age of twelve . I 'm not sure if she 's thinking about boys yet . But she 's certainly thinking about weddings . She likes to watch the TV shows about brides picking out their dream dresses . Mermaid dresses are her style of choice . So when we went to Lake Lanier islands this weekend , she immediately felt it would be the perfect place for a wedding . " Mom , I think I 'll get married here . The view is so beautiful ! " Misha Gerrick has a new book out , and I 'm helping to spread the word . It 's called The Vanished Knight . Here 's the blurb : Darrion and Gawain , two of his possible heirs , set out to find him , but after they rescue an earth - girl from Merithian soldiers , they discover she has possible ties to Nordaine . Not only that , but Callan Blair could be an Elvish princess . And war looms on the horizon … I walked into my daughter 's room to help her with her homework last night . What did I find her doing ? Spraying water into her mouth with a spray bottle . I looked on her night stand . There was an empty glass sitting there . " Why don 't you act like a civilized human being and get yourself a glass of water ? " Right . It couldn 't be that she 's just being a lazy teenager who doesn 't want to walk twenty feet to get herself a glass of water ! Could it ? Crystal Collier has a new book that 's going to be released on November 13th . I 'm helping to spread the word . Isn 't that the coolest cover ? Short Description : Alexia 's nightmares become reality : a dead baron , red - eyed wraiths , and forbidden love with a man hunted by these creatures . After an attack close to home , Alexia realizes she cannot keep one foot in her old life and one in this new world . To protect her family she must either be sold into a loveless marriage , or escape with her beloved and risk becoming one of the Soulless . Crystal Collier , author of MOONLESS , is a former composer / writer for Black Diamond Productions . She can be found practicing her brother - induced ninja skills while teaching children or madly typing about fantastic and impossible creatures . She has lived from coast to coast to coast and now calls Florida home with her creative husband , three littles , and " friend " ( a . k . a . the zombie locked in her closet ) . Secretly , she dreams of world domination and a bottomless supply of cheese . You can find her on her blog , and Facebook , or follow her on Twitter . If you 're a parent , you know all about the funny things kids ( and pets ) do . Here 's a daily account of all of the goofy things that happen in my life . Sit back and enjoy the ride ! I am a professional musician who plays and teaches violin , viola , and piano . I am also a childrens author . My published works are That Baby Woke Me Up , AGAIN , That Mama is a Grouch , and Ten Zany Birds . You can visit me at www . sherryellis . org . First of all , I thought German Shepherds had good noses . Second of all , I thought German Shepherds were supposed to be smart . I don 't . . . I took my seven - year - old son roller skating at the local skate rink today . It was his first time . He laced up his skates , got himself in a . . . I 'm a little late this month for the Question of the Month . But hey , better late than never . Host , Michael Agostino 's question . . . My twelve - year - old son had a class field trip to a place called Biz Town . At Biz Town , the kids are given grown - up jobs . They spend seven ho . . . This morning , at the crack of dawn , I dragged my son to the bus stop . It was his first day back after summer break . None of us were too pl . . .
|
Update on the last few days : . . . . . Thursday December 10th we closed on our little house on Winnie Street . The beloved little house no longer belonged to us , but to a new family . There was not much time for crying , although there were tears shed , but we had to get busy with a plan to get our stuff moved from our home to " some place " soon . That morning , we were told from the closing on our new house would not be happening until this morning December 14th and we have to be totally gone from our house by December 15th . We were totally panicked at what to do . Graciously , the home owner of our new house with the prodding from his wife no doubt allowed us to move our belongings into the garage and shed of the new house , just not in the house itself until today . So that is what we have been doing ever since . . . moving . . . load after load ! My brother and my niece and her boyfriend helped with all the major things , and heavy stuff , thanks be to them , they were life savers . We should finish up today , and in the morning move our bed and the dogs after we clean one last time . I spend one whole afternoon patching nail holes and repainting every room where it needed to be touched up . I can not tell you how many people told me I was nuts to do that , it was not something I needed to do . I just said , yes it is and I did it . That is how I do things , I would expect someone to do that for me , even if they wouldn 't , so I certainly expect no less of myself . We are almost to the closing of the door one last time , it is still a hard thought to conceive , but I 'm feeling better about it . The story for today is one I never expected to tell . It comes from the unexpected and a request that every one I spoke with thought it was a little odd . In truth , it was the medicine my heart needed to heal a little quicker from all of this . The new homeowners in the contract , requested a meeting with us and a walk through of the house when they got the keys . It was to be scheduled before we were totally moved out . So many people had told me they had not heard oThey are a sweet couple , maybe our age or a little older . Hard working , and thrilled to have our home . At first , it was a little awkward for us and them as well , because the silence for a few seconds was deafening . . . but I am usually not lack for words , so I just had to start blabbering like a fool at first to get the ice broken . I was amazed at the things they were most concerned with at the house . The wanted to know first thing , how to work the wood Stove . The told us how much the loved it and asked all kinds of questions . We took them room by room and they told us what the loved in each . The loved the bathroom and when I asked if they wanted me to leave the shower curtain they were thrilled , as it matches that bathroom perfectly . The loved the barn door closet doors in the bedroom and really love the master bath . I told them we made the vanity in the bathroom and where the wood had come from and we did that with our friend who is a carpenter . I could tell they loved it as much as we do . They wanted to know if I was taking the curtains in the house , which I was not as our Realtor told us we had to leave them . I guess they did not know that and was so happy as they said the loved the ones in the kitchen so much . I told them I had made them and they said they felt I was a crafty person . The lady then told me how she had taken pictures of everything in my house when they were there at the inspection . She said she thought it was beautiful and was trying to find the things like we had as she wanted to make their home the same . She asked about a few things specifically and where I had gotten them , one being the iron decor piece that was behind the fireplace . She said she absolutely loved that and hoped that they could find one like it . I thought to myself , it was not likely they would because I had purchased that so many years ago . As you can imagine , the iron piece is now hanging back where it belongs . . . I went to the new house last evening and brought it back and hung it up behind the fireplace . . . . I guess it was meanThe chickens and the coops were where we spent a lot of time . We went out there and I introduced them to all the chickens , explained how I take care of them , the food , bedding and stressed how spoiled they were . They wanted to know in detail how I have taken care of them and what they needed to do , and where to purchase what they needed . I have already purchased the bedding and food for at least a month , so they are in good shape there . The turning point from dread to knowing I had made the right choice in leaving the chickens was when she wanted to hold Rosie and her husband wanted to take a picture . I gathered the eggs that were in the egg box and in one hand she had Rosie and the other the eggs . . . It was really a sweet moment ! They were beyond thrilled when I explained what color eggs the hens laid and they fell in love with my beautiful Benny as well . The chickens were a bit skiddish of new people , but I told then not to worry , they will get used to them and warm up to them soon . They are going to open the coops to the rest of the back yard where we kept our big dogs and they will have free range over all of that area . The chickens and Benny will be very happy at that and I felt at peace in my heart that I had made the right decisions no matter how hard it was and still is . It really is what will be best for them in the long run . I told them about the plants in the yard and what flowers come back year after year , I showed her a photo of my beautiful wisteria in the front yard and how it blooms the most beautiful blooms in the spring . She was in awe that that the beauty to come in the springtime was in her yard and could not wait to see it bloom in the spring . We told them we were leaving the bird bath and why we decided to do so . We told them about the owls that come in the summer time for water and we wanted to leave it as they come year after year . They were thrilled and eager to see them next summer . From what they told us , we believe this is their first home and I believe they have made huge sacrifices to be able to purchase it . They are beyond proud and excited and I know in my heart they are going to take care of our home as well as we have . We told them about all the great neighbors and they were glad to hear the neighbors were going to be good ones . They can not wait to start their lives here and it showed in every way . The little house on Winnie Street , in the eyes of the new owners might as well have been a mansion in the Hollywood hills . . . . because clearly , to them that is exactly what it is . I am so glad I did not listen to any one else and I went with what I knew to be right and that was to make sure when we close the door , this little old house is shining like a new penny for the new family . In case you are wondering if I made it through the meeting without shedding a single tear , I am happy to report I was able to do that , how I don 't know , but I did . Now after I shut the front door . . . . . well , that is a different story . . . but I held it together when I needed to . There are still a whirl of emotions this morning , and I am sure there will be tears flowing before end of day tomorrow , but I think the meeting was not scheduled for the new home owners , but for me to find peace and comfort leaving a place that is so dear to my heart in the hands of someone else . You can tell how I talk about our home that I feel it is a special place . Let me tell you how wonderful the feeling is when friends confirm that for you . Thursday evening , after we had moved all day , we got home to find three of my husband 's lifelong friends camped out on the front porch . Two of these special friends had lived with my husband back in the bachelor days of their lives . They had come by one last time for one last solute with a beer or two . . . or three . . . . . ahem . They talked about old times , old friends , and memories and how they had grown up in this little house . What a special gift these three men gave my husband and myself . There truly are no words to describe it . It 's in the confirmation that others found the place dear to your heart to be a special place as in their lives too . Yes , it has been an emotional roller coaster this journey has taken me on . There have been times of second thoughts , dread , and much sadness to leave it all behind . But likewise . . . . . I am finally to the point of excitement in what is to come . Today . . . we start a new chapter in our lives and one that we are both excited about ! I am thankful for the new things that are to come and in the peace in leaving our lifelong home . It all is official today . . . . . we start a new journey and the next chapter in our lives while carrying the cherished memories of the growing years of our life with us . I ask myself , how did we get to this day so quickly ? The time went in a blink of an eye and then on the other hand , it took forever it seems as well . We sign the papers tomorrow and the little house on Winnie will belong to a new family . Not only will the little house on Winnie not be ours any more but my beloved Chicken Resort will belong to a new family as well . This is the post I waited to write , as it is the one that is breaking my heart into . The new owners requested we leave the chicken resort when the presented the contract on our house . With the structure being permanently fixed to the property , we really did not have a choice . The new owners wanted to have chickens of their own and they loved loved loved the chicken coops on our property . Sure . . I get that totally . . . I mean , how could they not love it ! It was built with love . So we agreed to leave them and thus the journey of trying to figure out how to actually work it out to move the chickens with us . Unfortunately , due to the time constraints on closing on these two houses and the lack of time we have to move from our home we are in now , the logistics of being able to have a place for them in the time frame was not going to work . I have a dear friend who agreed to house the chickens for me until I could get a coop built and moved to the property . I say this and know , this has been something I have struggled with for weeks on what was the right thing to do . So many things came into leading me to the decision I have made in regards to my beloved feathered friends , and that being said , the chickens of my heart will be staying at the Chicken resort . The new home owners were delighted to keep them and be their care givers . I know that no matter how hard this decision is for me to make , it is the right thing to do for them . This is their home , and they will be most happiest here where they know home to be . Chickens are just like me , they don 't like change and it stresses them out . Consequently most of them are in molt and they are already stressed out because of that and they have almost stopped laying eggs completely . Uprooting them from the home they know would only compound that stress and I don 't want to do that . I am at peace with the decision I have made , but it still has just about broken my heart into pieces . Oh , how I will miss my Benny boy . . . he is the one that started it all for me and my love for keeping chickens . Me and that rooster have come a long way together . In falling in love with him , started my journey on keeping chickens and learning how to care for them . He was the first and the most special in my heart . He still does not like to be handled , but he likes to play games with me and tease me with the fact that he just might let me touch him . . . . he likes to inch close to me where he is just stops beyond my fingertips and then when I reach for him , he just moves away . He always makes me smile and he is a sweet boy and I will miss him so much . Each of the hens are special and unique in their own way Shirley and Rosie are still skiddish but they have come a long way as well , as they were so wild when I first got them . They are top hens in the whole bunch , and they stay pretty much by Benny 's side most of the time . Penny is most likely the sweetest of them all , she is Nugget 's best buddy and she is so sweet and loving . And lastly , Nugget . . . that little speck of bird is so full of character and personality , she may be the tiniest of them all , but she rules her side of the coop . I will miss Nugget 's protest and squawking when she decides she wants to set on eggs and I don 't let her . She is the baby and the smallest and she is very special to my heart as well . Each one is unique in their own way , and each one holds a very special place in my heart . I know Steve is probably right , the chickens love me because to them , I bring the food and they see me and they know food is on the way . . . but maybe just maybe they love me for who I am just a little . I hope they don 't feel abandoned , and hope they will learn to love the new care givers . We will meet the new owners on our last day of our move out and I will have the opportunity to tell them how to care for the chickens and what I did for them . It is my hope that they will open up the back part of the yard and the chickens will have free range of that area and the chicken resort will not be a coop and run any longer but just the coop . They will be happy to have the whole yard to explore in and that large space to free range in . I am sure that is their plan because they were so excited about the chickens in the first place . We could not do that as the area housed our large dogs as well as the coops , so in the long run , I think they will be happier with the new situation and owners . It is so hard when making the right decisions and they are the ones that break your heart . One thing I do know , I have poured my heart and soul into the love and care for my feathered friends , and if I did not think this was the best thing for them in the long run , I would have never made that decision . Does that mean I have not cried enough tears to fill a swimming pool ? No . . . . I have and still am . I don 't know how I will make it when I have to say goodbye in a few days , I hope I can keep it together when I explain to the new home owners how I have cared for them and what I think they need to continue doing . These chickens have had the BEST of what I could offer them . I have always put their comfort and needs before any thing else . I expect nothing less for them in the future . . . . . and if I get the vibe that the new owners might not provide that . . . . well , if your in the area , you may see a car driving down the road loaded up with chickens and a rooster and I may change my mind . I don 't expect that to happen as the Realtor has assured me theyPosted at Where one chooses to reside , there is also a community in which you reside in . Living in a community for most of your life holds a certain fondness and attachment that makes it hard to think about relocating and leaving what is dear to you and your life behind . I thought about that this morning as I left for work in the early morning hours . The community and the places you chose to do business with become more that just a place to stop and spend your money , they become a part of your life and the people who own / work there become a part of you . One of my favorite places on the east side is the little corner donut shop . The sweet little family that owns that shop are precious to me and very special . From a certain fault of my own , being I don 't cook breakfast during the week , they know my husband and I very well and in fact , know what we always want before we walk through the door . The little lady that runs the counter several years ago got the idea in her head that I drove a school bus . Now , where she got that I don 't really know , but at first , I tried to tell her I did not drive a school bus , but alas , she never really understood that I did not ! So for the past several years , when it is time for school to start in the fall , she always wants to talk about the kids and the bus . I learned to just go with it ! I drive a school bus , at least in her eyes and if you don 't think I won 't miss this little shop and the sweet folks that own it , I most certainly will . I have not told them we are moving . . . . I 'm not sure I could get the words out to tell them . . . . . I don 't like goodbyes . There are a few other locally owned places I frequent and when you walk through the door , it feels like home . The Barber Shop is another special place to me , as we have spend years and years walking through those doors . The kids got haircuts there , we got haircuts there , Steve still gets haircuts there . The family that owns it is like family to us . The know and have known all our ups and downs through the years and just driving by the shop brings warm memories to mind . This place is so hard to think of leaving behind , I don 't really believe we will . I know Steve will still drive up here for haircuts . Some places and people are etched so deeply in your heart , you can 't just walk away . The convenience of where the places we frequent are located , being less than five minutes away is something I will miss as well . Dora , my dachshund is always getting her self into situations where we need a vet . . . and need one quickly . We have a great vet just a few blocks away , and if I call and need to take one of my dogs in there , they are quick and get them in right away . The vet loves my Sophie . . . and calls her Sophia . . . . I will miss having that convenience and comfort knowing they are so close when I need them . I love that vet 's office and its staff . I could go on and on about the places I will miss here on the East Side of Ft . Worth . . . . there are a lot of those special places on this side of town and the fact that they are so close to where I have lived was always a plus . Another big part of the community you live in are the friends and special people who live there as well . A very special family member lives five minutes away , one who is always there when you need her or even if you don 't . So close she can drop by , or you can drop by there , even if it does not happen a lot , I know that they are so close if we or she needs something . I will miss knowing she is that close to me when we leave . So much so , I have not thought about it for very long , for it weighs heavy on my heart . I have some very dear and cherished friends who have been a huge part of my life . The deep , meaningful friendships with people who have been by your side when you needed them the most . The friend that knows your deepest and darkest secrets and does not judge you for them . They love you any way . . . . I know I will carry the friendships with me , but knowing that I won 't be close enough for them to just stop by and visit for a second weighs heavy on my heart . There is just something about a friends stopping by for just a second and then spending a summer evening talking in the front yard for over an hour . Or the friend who will stop by and bring her daughter and granddaughter to " see the chickens " out of the blue . . . . oh , I will miss these times . These are the friends who have shared so much of of my life with , sat at weekend garage sales with , planned events for social and personal reasons with , the ones who have always been at arms length on any given day , the ones who if you are in need of any thing , they will drop what they are doing to help in any way they can . In fact , I have one dear friend , who I was convinced she contacted the church and had the bells tole one last time , just for me . . . . she denies that , but she is that kind of friend who would do a thing like that . I can hardly think about not living among my friends in this community . I know the road to a friends house is never long . . . . . but it is a lot longer than five minutes away . I 'm almost completely packed , we sign the papers and begin a new journey , Posted at If you have been following my blog for any length of time , you all know how I have a passion for vintage things . The old functional things in a home always hold a special charm as opposed to new and improved , at least that is the way it is for me . One of the older things in our home that has been a favorite since the day I came to live here was the main bathroom 's bathtub . Now I am sure some of you are rolling your eyes , but hold on . . . . hear me out ! We have done several remodels to our home and it is up to date on every thing we have in our home and it is in wonderful shape for the new owners . The one and only thing I NEVER touched was the 1940 's cast iron bathtub in the main bath . I love the tiered design on the front of the tub , it has a lot of character when compared to a plain tub you see in most homes today . Below is a picture of a tub that is exactly like the one we have . You can giggle if you want , but I will miss that tub , probably more than I should admit ! anyway . . . . it was perfect for kids , dogs and blankets and pillows when storms were coming and tornado alarms were going off . . . . My kids spent more times in that tub waiting for storms to pass while holding a little Yorkie than I care to admit . Out of all the places in my home , I knew that that tub would withstand most any thing and my precious kids and animals would be piled in there if I thought a tornado was possible in the area . My poor kids . . what a memory ! Today was a long , tiring day and some sad news left me feeling a little worse for wear , but I came home , filled the tub with bubble bath and hot water and sunk down into the most relaxing reviving hot bath that the old bathtub could give . . . . . and I totally feel better . I have made a plan to do that every night I have left and soak up all that relaxing the ole cast iron tub has to give . I sure hope the new owners appreciate the value of older things . . . . . but for now , for the next three days . . . that ole tub is still mine and I intend to enjoy it enough to last a long time ! It is often the little things that seem to have a lasting impression at times . Sunday is today and in the midst of packing , my mind wondered back through the years of the things that made this little house a special home in a special place . In doing that , I remembered one of the most special things that makes living here so amazing . My thoughts went to the St . Rita Catholic Church and its bell tower . For years , every single Sunday the bells would chime at the start of Sunday mass . It was a constant for so long , you just never assumed you would not hear them . When my mother in law was in her final days with us , and she was living in Garland , she talked about the bells at St . Rita . She lived next door to us for years and she said she had missed the bells on Sunday mornings after she has moved . I don 't know when the church stopped playing the bells every Sunday , but for some reason , they stopped doing that years ago , but still the memory is a good one . When my mother in law came to stay with us in her final days , for some reason the bells that Sunday morning of her last week here with us chimed . We opened the windows of the bedroom and she sat back on the bed and she was so happy to hear them once again . Now , the bells chime on Christmas and special Sundays . They are a delightful addition to whatever is happening when I hear those bells chime from the bell tower . When you get used to something , you don 't realize how special they are until you know you might not hear them again . We are moving to the country from the inner city for peace and quiet , but honestly , on this Sunday , I know I will miss some of the city noise a lot . In four days . . . . I don 't think the bells will chime . . . . but my heart wishes that they would . Neighbors . . . . . the longtime , lifetime neighbors . The neighbors who know your every habit and routine and you pretty much know theirs . The neighbors who are dubbed " those neighbors " who do things that make you just shake your head . It takes all types to make up a neighborhood , some better than others , some a little more crazy than the next , but all are memorable in one way or the other . The neighbor across the street who has lived here all her life . Bless her heart , she calls me regularly to just see " what I know " and shares magazines and flowers with me . We share a love for roses and she loves to sit in her chair by the big front window and look at all my beautiful roses , and then question her daughter as why my roses look better than her own . She knows our every move and watches our house when we are gone to work . I will miss that sweet lady most of all . The neighbor down the street who thinks he has the whole neighborhood buffaloed into believing he is a code blue citizen . Which , by the way he is not . . but he tells the story that he is . Truth be told , he is most likely the one who is the most scared of anything and everything . Heck , I protect the street far better than he thinks he can . Truth . The neighbor down the street who every morning used to pick up my father - in - law 's newspaper from the yard and put it on his porch , because it was the right thing to do and she was there any way . The one who we have a connection with all the way back when our kids were in the same class in school . The fairly new to the street neighbor who we call " the neighbor " who moved in next door and transformed a run down dilapidated house into a really nice home . When he moved in , I was the crazy nosy neighbor that stuck my nose where it did not belong , but we became fast friends . He is the neighbor who purchased Betty , my first hen and brought her home to Benny when he still lived in the field . The neighbor who is sad we are leaving and was worried he had not been a good neighbor and might have been the cause for us to want to move . The neighbor who brings me food from his family functions because he knows I have a love for authentic mexican food . I will miss " the neighbor " an awful lot ! Year after year , you form bonds with the ones who live just on the outside of your day to day life . They are the ones who come out of their respective houses when there is a crisis on the street or someone is in need . They all know what the other is doing and keeps a vigil watch most of the time . I will miss these good neighbors and I hope my impact on their lives has meant as much to them as theirs has to me . Its rather ironic that the ones you take for granted when they pass in and around your daily life become pretty special when you think of not seeing them every day . In a few short days , the pesky , nosy neighbor who resides in the house in the middle of the street will not reside there any more . The one that watches out the windows to see what is going on or what isn 't . The one who will boldly walk into the yard of her neighbors and question a stranger as to why they are there and what they are doing if she does not think they belong there . The one who notices when the little lady across the streets light is not own at dark and can 't get her to answer the phone and will call the police to come check on her . The one who boldly puts herself into the lives of her neighbors in one way or another and cheerfully does so . The one who keeps watch on the street will drive away and a new set of neighbors will move into that little house in the middle of the street . They will become the new neighbors to all of my old neighbors . . . . . . in just five days . ~ my heart is heavy at the very thought . I started the day this morning wondering where my heart would land when thinking about this countdown and being day six . I briefly spoke about how sparse the yard was all those years ago and that had me thinking about where it has come and how much I love it . We have spent countless hours in our yard and we have had several vegetable gardens over the years . We enjoyed all that gardening had to offer and we were always happy to share the abundance that came from those small gardens with friends and family . This year we have seen record rainfall in our area and that has no doubt played a huge part in the fact our grass is thick and lush and beautiful . I don 't remember a year that the yard was so thick with grass and thriving . We struggled through droughts in the summer many a year to keep the grass as green as we liked to see it . It has always been a labor of love when it came to working in the yard . I guess everyone has something special they love about their outdoor spaces , but for me the special parts of our yard are the trees we have planted . We have a live oak in the back yard that is named " Jeff 's tree " because when he was in fifth grade , they principal handed out small sapling trees on earth day . We planted that little tree in a flower pot and it lived for several years in that pot . Finally a few years back , we put it in the ground and " Jeff 's tree is a strong beautiful tree that shades the back of the house . I am very sentimental over that tree and it makes my heart sad to know we can 't take it with us . . . . I would if I could . . . . We also have a large pine tree that we planted on the side of our house the year my daughter was born . It is easy to remember the age of that tree as it is the age of our daughter . . . . I wish I could take that one too . The third tree is special to my heart as my husband planted it one year for my birthday . It is a Bradford pear and he planted it because he knew I loved how it blossoms in the spring with white flowers and then in the fall , the leaves are alive with wonderful colors at the end of the summer months . It is special too and I am so in hopes the new owners love these as well . I spent many years planting flowers that would come back year after year , and most all the blooming plants in my yard attract butterflies and birds . Our backyard has always been a haven for birds , squirrels and within the last ten years , we have had the pleasure of providing a safe place for small owls to come and cool off in the hot summer months in our bird baths . I have become rather attached to all of these creatures that visit our backyard and as you can imagine , it is hard to know I am leaving them behind . We very seldom ever see the little owls once the weather cools off , but once we had a contract on our house I did see one of the little owls , one last time . I had walked out in the back yard one evening and there sat that little owl in the bird bath . I was almost startled because this time of year , we don 't see them at all . . . . he just looked at me for a few seconds and then he was gone . In my mind . . . . he was saying goodbye . . . . . yea . . . makes me tear up just thinking about it ! The new house has a fairly decent yard , but it has a long way to go before it will remind me of my home back yard . That is the flip side of all these emotions , because the planning and work that will go into the new yard does stir a lot of interest for me . It is something to look forward to in the planning and the work and knowing where the end result will take us next . . . . . but still . . . the anxiety of walking in my wonderful outdoor space one last time has tears falling like the rain we have seen lately . . . . . . in six days my paradise will belong to someone else . Posted at Selling a house is hard work . . . . . selling a house when you have never sold one before is even harder . This journey has been one that I could have never believed possible . The ups and downs , the excitement and disappointment has been paramount to any thing I have experienced in my life thus far . I had no idea this journey would take the paths that it did . That being said , we have finally made it to the point we are almost to closing day . . . . . in seven days . I tend to jot my feelings down when my heart is heavy or not settled , and as you can imagine that is what brought me here today . Almost thirty two years ago , I fell in love with a man who owned a rather sparsely decorated bachelor pad on the east side of Ft . Worth . A small two bedroom house , built in the 1940 's which had no updates , just the basics . The stand out decor included red carpet , bark - cloth curtains ( which were dubs " thanksgiving day " curtains ) a set of old salon style swing doors that separated the kitchen from the dining room and yellow Formica counter tops in the kitchen . It had a great size yard , with lots of trees but not much grass and not a flower one . It needed a little help , but once we were married , the little house on the east side of Ft . Worth transformed and grew to accommodate our family . It has always been home , a safe landing place from the world . I think about the renovations we have done on this house over the years . When I step back and see every thing we have done here , I can 't help but see a little bit of ourselves in all the renovations . It has been a evolution over time to get that little house where it is today . I hope the new owners love it as much as I do . It was a process and one that included a lot of love and attention over the years . I decided to count down the last seven days of this journey , and remind myself of all the things I love the most about the house we are leaving . As I think about the things I will miss the most , it is a reminder of all the things I have loved about our house over the years . Recollections , reminders , memories . Today I am reminded that a house is really just the shelter for a family . The family is the home of that shelter . However , there have been times in my life that this very house was my safe place in the world . In the big scheme of things , and only briefly , the darkest days of my life happened while living here , and this little house on the east side of Fort Worth was my safe haven from the world . When things were hard to handle and deal with , I was always felt safe and secure inside the walls of this house . Even now , when things are so good in this life , it is behind that front door and inside the walls that bring me the most piece and comfort on a day to day basis . This house has been the shelter from all storms life as bestowed upon me . It is the memories that sustain us and we will carry as we leave . A lady made the statement to me that I have not detached myself from the house and I am still very emotionally attached . No truer words have been spoken . It is so bittersweet to be looking forward to what is to come , but knowing how hard it will be to let all I have loved for so long slip away and ready my heart to grasp the next chapter of our lives . In seven days . . . . the little house on the east side of Fort Worth won 't have my our names on it any more . . . . . . the shelter that has weathered the storms of life and provided a safe place to land will be that same thing for a new family . I will miss my safe haven from the world , the walls that have held me close and kept me from feeling so lost when things were hard . I will miss all the projects we worked on over the years that make our home a place we enjoyed as our lived happened year after year . We are almost to the door that will open to the next chapter of our Posted at When you sell all of your excess belongings , and stage your home so it is ready to go on the market , one of the most important things you can do is declare to the universe what you want and who you 'd like to buy your home . That is exactly what Steve and I did . . . . . . we talked about what we wanted to get out of the sale of the house and ideally who we would like to purchase our home . The checklist was not too long . . . . . In less than twenty four hours , we had two offers from three showings . One was 15000 . 00 over asking price . We were blown away . . . literally . I was thrilled because if they wanted to spend that much to get my home , they surely loved it . I was excited , but the thought did cross my mind that all of the boxes were not checked or at least to my knowledge were not checked . However , they did love my home and it was a young family , but this time , the universe did not align and the couple found out the day they made the offer that the husband was being relocated for his job and they were crushed , as well as we were , when they knew they could not buy our house and had to back out of the contract during the option period . So , our agent contacted the other family to let them know we were still accepting offers , but it was a no go . Talk about a let down . . . and here we were right back at the start of it all . What does that really mean , the start of it all ? ? Well , it means keeping your house spotless . . . . . it means training your husband to use a swiffer and use it rather quickly and efficiently on a moments notice . . . . . it means rushing home from work , with thirty minutes to dash in , make sure every thing is perfect and dash out with four dachshunds in tow and riding around the city , while hoping the dog who gets car sick does not decide to throw up in your car . . . . it means eating out EVERY . SINGLE . DAY . . . as we have to keep the kitchen spotless . . . . it means doing this multiple times a day , each day . We got discouraged rather quickly . . . we are homebodies . . . and we were put out of our home and well . . it was rather uncomfortable . We knew to expect a little discomfort , but I don 't think we were truly prepared for the DISCOMFORT we felt in the whole process of selling a house . Oh , and if you have not guessed it by now , we have never sold a home or moved in all our adult lives . Yes , trying to say the least . So we waited , and had another showing , and two days later we had another showing and this time we got another offer . . . . . . price was good . . . . . however the contract had stipulations that did not set well with me . . . . we accepted the offer , but I felt a unsettling that I could not put my finger on . This time , as far as I could tell , there was only one box checked off our wish list and it truly had me on edge . Long story short , they backed out during the option period . . . . . wasted our time and took the house off the market for almost a week . So again here we are back at the start of it all . . . . and you know what that means . . . discomfort ! Three days went by without a showing once it was back on the market . . . . . . Wednesday morning came . . . . and we got feedback from the Realtor that showed the house . She said she could certainly tell the pride of ownership from the homeowners and that it was a JOY to show our house . She said her clients were thinking it over and would let us know . We were really starting to think maybe we were not supposed to sell our house and possibly we would just stay put . We were stressed out beyond imagination . . . . . both of us had short fuses and aggravated at the fact we wanted this to go so smoothly but it in fact was turning into a roller coaster of a ride with nothing but stress and we were deciding we were all but ready to bale all together . Our Realtor called , and the people who saw our house the day before had submitted their offer . We were stunned into disbelief . Their offer was a CASH offer and a price we are more than happy to accept . They pay closing cost , survey cost , title company cost . We are not responsible for any of those cost . No option period , no inspection , no appraisal . We close on the 12th of November and they have agreed to lease us two extra weeks after the 12th so we can get closed on our new house free of charge . WE . ARE . STILL . STUNNED . The couple wanting our house even submitted a personal letter to Steve and I and that really sealed the deal . That letter was the most heartfelt letter , and it brought Steve and I both to tears . Once the shock of the day settled , it became apparent to us that what we said we wanted when we sold our house was exactly what we got in the end , even if there were bumps in the road to get to the destination . I really believe the first two offers that did not go through for two different reasons , only happened in order to take my home off the market for a few days . That was just enough time for the family looking for the right home to find ours . I have said all along . . . timing . . . it is everything . It has been a whirlwind and a roller coaster of emotions , from super happy to super sad . We are elated at the sale of your house . . . and sad at the same time to be leaving where so much of our lives have happened . Then , on the flip side of that , we are so excited for the next chapter in our lives . . . . like a fresh start with the home of our dreams and looking forward for what is to come . This is where we will spend the next chapter of our lives . . . . we are excited . I am thankful today for very dear friends who have walked this journey with us , I am thankful that I believe in positive thinking , I am thankful for St . Joseph and St . Jude who no doubt had a hand in all of this house selling business , I am thankful beyond words that this family will love and care for my home after we are gone . . . I feel it in my soul that the right family has found where their lives will happen and will love and care for our home the same way we have . If you want something . . . . say it out loud to the universe . . . . it will come to pass . It may not be in the way or time frame you had in mind . . . but it will work out in the end . The cherry on it all is when things work out far better than you could have ever dreamed possible . This past weekend was the weekend for my huge sale . I spent several weeks sorting , discarding , repacking stuff in the anticipation of moving in a couple of months . Many of you have followed me here for a long time , and you know I have lots of stuff . . . lots of treasures . . . lots of favorite things . So the task of paring down for a move was a bit daunting to say the least . Our yearly yard sales back about twenty years ago were huge money makers , always in the upwards of about 1100 . 00 and that was really without a lot of big ticket items . People used to line the street forty - five minutes before starting time . Luckily , for us we had a huge gate across the side of your house and I could close that and open it when the sale started , and it always was great for crowd control . In the last five years , the sales we had were not very successful . We would spend a week getting ready and the people just did not come . Friday is always the best day and if you leave it open on Saturday , we might have had one or two come . It was just different than it was all those years ago . As I was working myself to death trying to get all this ready for a sale , I had kept the memory of not so successful sales in the back of my mind . I surely needed the folks to come and would you believe it , they came and the came to buy . It was as if I had ordered it all up myself to the powers to be . They did come ! There were some that left like this photo . . . their cars were stuffed full , one lady had stuff hanging out her trunk . For twenty - five years , there has been a lady that is in the antique business who always comes to my sales and she gathers up all the stuff she wants and then offers maybe $ 20 . 00 for all she has managed to scoop up . I would image any one who has ever had a sale , has had someone like this stop and try to get something for a small price . Like in the past , she was there this time as well . Only difference was she filled three six foot tables full of stuff , I kid you not . She was at my sale for almost two hours toting her cat which was on a leash . Truth . When I tallied up her total , she paid full price for what I was asking and did not haggle me at all . Never in the history of our sales has that happened . I was so busy the first day , I hardly had time to really think about my stuff leaving my home by the box loads . I guess that was a good thing , because for a split second , I stopped and thought about it and felt my nose sting a bit , and had to quickly put the thought out of my mind . Even when someone bought something that stirred a precious memory I just let the anguish I felt pass . I know in my heart I have done the right thing , I don 't need all of this stuff any more . Like one of my friends said , the stuff is just stuff , no one can take your memories from you . I wanted the people to come and they did . Not only did I want people come and buy , but I also wanted people to come who would love my stuff as much as I have . It happened y ' all , it really did . A lady came and bought almost all my restaurant ware . She collects it and uses it for church functions and family reunions . She told me she had storage buildings with all her collections stored and displayed . My heart almost burst with joy that she took the time to tell me of her love for the things I loved too and assured me they would be cared for and used and cherished . At the end of the two day sale , I had sold well over the top selling dollar sale I had ever had , so I was pleased with the results . My house is going on the market today , and it is empty , staged and spotless . It feels good and I feel a whole lot lighter . I 'm not sure how I will feel when this chapter of our lives is closed , but I know I have to deal with whatever comes and keep looking forward . Keep your fingers crossed for us , as I truly need the right family to come and buy my house for my own peace of mind . The family who will love my home in the same way I have loved it . A family that will take care of my beautiful yard and gardens . A family who will adore the things that make this house special . A family who will look forward to the summer months and provide fresh water for the little owls that come each night . And a family who is eager to make memories that will last a lifetime in this little house . That family is out there , I know they are and they just need to find their way to my house . * sniffle * This week has been a busy week , and it 's just too bad I had to use my vacation to work so hard at home ! I just about have every thing at the house done that I wanted to do before the Realtor list the house and has an open house . Weeks of sorting through belongings and a sale will be taking place tomorrow and Saturday . . . . . and yes , I am selling SO MANY of my beloved vintage treasures . It is bittersweet knowing I have let so much go and won 't be moving it and then on the flip side , I know I am ready to free myself from so much stuff . This week was also filled with some tears as well . My little neighbor across the street just cried when I told her we were putting out house up for sale . It broke my heart to have to even tell her , but I had to let her know before the sign went in the yard . My next door neighbor keeps trying to talk me into staying every chance he gets . My heart strings are in every fiber of this house and my sweet neighbors I have had for thirty years . I have lived here all my adult life and raised my family here and it is not easy thinking about leaving . I love my house and my yard and have loved our life here . It is a inner battle I continue to fight . I sometimes have an attachment to things and I thought about that this week as I was sorting our belongings into piles . I was reminded of an appliance that I kept holding on to for years . When Steve and I got married , his dad bought us a washing machine . I loved that darn washing machine and after a time , it began to show signs of wear . The lid of the machine had rusted out in one spot and you seriously had to remove the lid to load it and then gently replace it to wash the clothes . I refused to get another one , as this one worked fine . Steve tried for YEARS to replace it and I refused to let him . He often would say it was just a washing machine , and we need a new one but I refused to replace it . Finally , when the machine was fast approaching 20 years old , Steve had enough and we went and purchased a new machine . We brought the new one home , I sold the old one in a garage sale for $ 20 . 00 and I discovered what a fantastic thing it was to have a new machine to wash the clothes with . I wondered why I fought so hard and refused to get a new machine for so many years . I was so surprised at how great the new one was as opposed to my old , falling apart machine . I was reminded that the move we will be making can be compared to that old washing machine . I am still fighting it and feeling overwhelmed at the thought of leaving here . However , just like that new washing machine , I know we will be on to better things and happier times . I just have to keep telling myself that . Now if you can imagine how hard it was for me to let go of an old rusted out , old washing machine , you should be able to understand the emotions of leaving my house of many , many years . . . . . . . it truly is more than just a house . Send good junkin vibes my way and that all the junkers out there who will love my treasures find their way to my sale . I hope the right people who loves vintage treasures will take my stuff home and love it as much as I have . It will be a hard couple of days for me I am sure , but I just have to keep going in the direction I want to end up and this is the first huge step ! A three day weekend for most , would mean stretching every second into a jam packed fun filled three days and saying goodbye to summer right before welcoming in fall . I mean , that is what you do right ? ahem . . . . not around here . This year for us , that meant three days off work and three days to actually work at packing and sorting and purging this house . You guys , fair warning . . . . I have not blogged in a while , but will be doing so again most likely . This is a good place to write my feelings on this journey and maybe one day , I might want to read about this again , after the pain I am feeling from moving heavy things subsides a little . sigh . Day one began at 6 : 00 am yesterday , yes bright and early . The plan was to get our shed cleaned out totally . If you could only imagine what that actually meant . Boxes upon boxes upon boxes and then lets just throw in a few more boxes for good measure . I felt I had to go through every thing . . . . . every last thing . Yes , this is my house and my junk ! The morning started off rather well . I had one side of the driveway for keep things , the other side was for sell things and I sat every thing else I was not sure about on the trailer . Progress was being made . Then , mid - morning , Steve and I reached the holiday decor boxes . The first three I pulled out was the Halloween boxes . Now , mind you , I have not decorated for Halloween at my house since my youngest went off to college in 2005 . . . . TEN YEARS for crying out loud . I opened the boxes and truly saw years and years and years of beloved things I used to decorate with when the kids were small . I have a HUGE and I mean HUGE collection of Halloween Chicken Mcnuggets that we sat out every year . They were a must to keep , at least I was not willing to part with those things . But for the most part , I kept a small pumpkin with a cat that lights up and a couple of other things just for sentimental reasons and the rest , I tossed in the sell side of the yard . As I was battling with myself on what to keep and what not to keep , I did actually make the comment to my husband that I felt sorta guilty . When he asked why ? I said , because Alisha , ( my daughter ) will be upset if she finds out I got rid of all this stuff . Steve said she won 't remember this stuff and besides , we don 't want to store it . Well , I thought to myself , you might be right about us not wanting to store this stuff , but I can guarantee you , she will remember and thus the reason for my guilt . As we opened the next boxes , Steve pulled out a cardboard pumpkin that had long orange plastic strings that hang down from the base of the pumpkin . The pumpkin was designed to hang from the ceiling . I used to have two of these , but one must have gotten damaged along the way . This said pumpkin could not have cost me over a dollar back twenty - five years ago , and we always hung it in the same place , by our kitchen table . Memories cast aside , the pumpkin was tossed in the sell pile as well , and we moved on past the Halloween decor and onto the next pile of boxes . Progress . It . Felt . Good . About an hour later , guess who calls ? Right . . . Alisha . Apparently , she asked her dad what we were doing . Well , and truthful as dads should be , he told her what we were doing . First words out of her mouth were we had better not be getting rid of all of her memories . I heard Steve say , we aren 't , just junk . I am willing to bet she asked what junk because I heard Steve say Halloween and Christmas . Then I heard nothing on Steve 's end of the conversation . After a few minutes , Steve walked up and said , " you are not going to believe this . " I seriously thought , oh , I bet I will . He shook his head and kept saying , I don 't believe this , I really don 't . . . . . . . He then proceeds to tell me that Alisha asked if we found the Halloween pumpkin with the orange strings . The same cheap , barely costing a dollar piece of cardboard and plastic that hung from the ceiling of our house for three weeks out of the year , every year . I did not ask him what he actually told her , but he handed me the phone and said I better call her while he walked over to the tossed . . . . . ahem . . . . . . . memories and fished out the pumpkin from the box . To make a long story short , most all the tossed Halloween was boxed up and repacked to be moved to the new house . Yep , it sure was and it all sits on the keep side of the driveway . When we got to the Christmas boxes , I saved myself a lot of time and told him to put them all on the keep side . He looked at me and said , " What . . . . . are you kidding ? " I asked him if he wanted to make the phone call to his daughter or not . He silently , put the boxes on the keep side and we kept right on going with what we had to do . By days end , we could hardly move , but all the keep boxes were lined up on the driveway , and there was not that much really at all in that pile of stuff . All the sell stuff was put back into the empty , clean shed which filled up rather quickly , so we purged so much stuff . I was so surprised by how easily I let go of so much of the stuff that was in there to begin with . I will admit , I ran into some things that proved to be more of a struggle at making a decision , but in the end , about 80 percent of the time , those things went into the sell side of the yard . Day two is today . We have to get all those keep boxes into storage and we have some stuff to sort and toss that has been stored at his dads garage . I would really like to try and get two more rooms inside the house sorted as well . Lots to do . . . . and we are dog tired . I am feeling so much lighter , but I am weighed down by the sore muscles and bones . It is a J - O - B and believe me , I feel every bit of it today . This move will prove to be the best thing that has every happened to us . I can feel that in my bones and all the stuff we have tossed and are walking away from will certainly lighten the loads in our hearts and minds . We are both so excited ! " Well , just get rid of what you can , if you can . If you can 't , well , we will move it and you can get rid of it later if need be " . . . . . . those were the words my husband spoke softly to me this evening . The same husband who has spend years complaining about my habit of bringing mismatched dishes , do - dads , vintage finds , linens , and so forth just looked at me and spoke those words . And the most heart warming part of it all , I know that he meant what he said . We are going to put our house up on the market and I am trying to clear this house out and do so quickly so we can get it listed with a Realtor . We have found a house we want to buy , and I need to sell our house . The main problem is , there are 30 plus years of stuff to sort through and purged and ready for a sale . Then , the stuff I want to keep needs to be packed to be moved . It 's really nothing new to the world of moving , it is just very new to me . We have lived in the same house since before we were married , so you can imagine the daunting task of it all . . . and as most of you all know . . . . I have lots of stuff that I love . This evening I sat on the floor of our living room sorting boxes of dishes . I 'd have a plate in hand and move it to the toss pile and before I could sit it on the top of the box , I 'd swing my hand to the keep pile . I seriously found myself remembering when I purchased certain pieces and I could actually recall specific details from when they were purchased . This went on for several minutes and I began to sweat and feel an anxiety attack coming on . My husband glanced at me out of the corner of his eye and I just burst into tears . The look on his face said it all , I am sure he knew I had truly lost it after all these years . I really could not get a grip on what I was feeling . I tried explaining to him , I knew I wanted to let go of this stuff and not take it with me . I knew I had no plans to use it , or need for it . I knew all of these things , but the thing that stirred me the most was the fact that all of this stuff that I have acquired was more than just stuff in a box . So much of all these vintage treasures were things that filled my life with a little happiness during a very dark time in my life . So in a way , it might be like saying goodbye to a therapist once you were able to let the things go that had a hold of your life . The good news in all of this is I am no longer in that dark place and have moved past it for a good while now . It was confusing as to why this was bothering me as I sat in the floor surrounded by so many things I really did not need or want . . . . . but I did not want to let them go either . But during my total meltdown , my husband spoke those words and something in the way he said them , changed my feelings . It was the tone in his voice that spoke volumes to me and turned my melt down into determination to finish what I set out to do this evening . He even offered his own advice when I asked him if we should keep this or that . . . and we have a huge pile to sell , and only a couple of boxes to keep . Out of all the china plates I sorted tonight , I kept only one pattern of small plates because I truly love that pattern and only five large plates . I put over fifty in a pile to get rid of . . . . . and I have boxes upon boxes to sort still . There are certain things that creep into my thoughts from my childhood at the most unexpected times . Sometimes , things I have not thought about in years , or things I gave up on obtaining many years ago . This past week , out of the blue one of those memories came flooding back into my mind and it was quickly added on a " must have " list I am making as we are in the process of looking for a new or at least new to us house to purchase this year . . . . . . let me just say it is a daunting task . . . house hunting that is . It occurred to me this week , that my kids have never known the sound of the spring stretching on an old screen door as it opens , and then the quick slamming sound as it pops back against the door frame . My grandmother had an old screen door on her porch that lead to her back yard . Many a Sunday afternoons were spent when I was a young girl of me running out that old screen door . Then as I would turn loose of the wood frame , and as the door slammed shut , I remember my mom and aunt always in unison yelling . . . " don 't slam the door " and before they could get the words out . . . the door popped shut and off the porch I would go . Honestly , I did not really slam the door , the door just sorta slammed itself . There isn 't anything at all romantic about an old screen door , but the memories they evoke are the romantic fibers of my heart . I can remember as if it was yesterday , the smell of Sunday chicken frying from my grandma 's kitchen . My mom and aunt would be working right alongside my grandma and the meals they turned out of that kitchen are the memories that can make your mouth water . I always loved her screen door , I loved the smooth feel of the plain iron handle , nothing fancy , just functional , but it had a certain feel in my young girls hand . I loved the safety lock which was nothing more than a simple eye hook and hook . I liked locking and unlocking that door as I stood looking out into the back yard . I also loved locking my sister ( clearly by accident ) out of the kitchen . I loved the chippy paint and I loved how my grandma had little square patches for repairs in the screen of the door . I wish my kids had been able to experience the simplicity of old screen doors . We always had storm doors on the front of our home . My kitchen door was not to where I could put up a screen door as the pitch of the roof outside the back door would not allow for one . Thus I gave up that dream of having a screen door long ago . It occurred to me , kids today for the most part , never will know the sounds , feels and fascination like I always had with my grandma 's screen door . My must have list for my new house has included a door in the kitchen to the outside , and one that will allow for an old fashion screen door . I don 't want a new one , I want an old one . I want one that evokes all the nostalgia and memories I carry in my heart of days gone by . I want to recreate all the warm and fond memories that came from inside that screen door on Sunday afternoons in the summertime . I wonder . . . . is it really the screen door itself that holds my fascination and longings ? Or is it the memories that are intertwined with the memory of a certain screen door my heart is longing for ? It is a rather simple item to be added to a list of " must haves " in searching for a new house , but one that I don 't see myself crossing off the list as not attainable . Oh , and about that list . . . . . . there are really two list . . . . one that I talk about with my husband . . . . . . and then one that is written in my heart . The second list is the one I am afraid I stay a little more focused on most of the time . The old screen door is item number three on the list . . . . . . . stay tuned . Happy New Year ! ! The first day of a brand new year . . . . . . . what will be different ? What will be the same ? How do you feel about that ? What can you do to make things in your life better ? Lots of questions spinning in my head the dawn of this day . I find myself with lots of questions about these things on the beginning of a whole new year . It occurred to me that many years I have faced the prospect of a new year and hopeful some things will be different . However , when it is time to see the year out , I discover that as so many times before , things are still the same . Nothing has changed at all . Then , I play the blame game . . . and the only one responsible for that was myself . Twenty - fourteen was not one of the best years in the record books , but it certainly was not the worst one either . There was lots of sadness and a huge share of unrest during the past year . That is normal on the grand scheme of things , but when looking back over the year and there are stand out moments that pierce your soul . . . . sometimes , like it or not , there has to be a common factor for those types of stand out memories , good or bad . Twenty - fourteen did however , have some wonderful , joyful and totally unexpected stand out moments for me as well . It 's the little things that surprisingly enough make the largest impact on your day . I found that very thing this past year when a young rooster wandered into the field behind my house . A rooster of all things . I never liked birds , never wanted chickens , never had an interest in them at all , and never , and I mean never had a desire for fresh eggs . That one little rooster wrapped his feathers around my heart and I found myself to be a backyard chicken keeper . I have never looked back . " The Chicken Resort " was born . . . . I have shared a lot of this journey on facebook , but will share more here on my blog this next year . The lesson for me was don 't over look the little things , because those are the things that become big things . I can attest to that . . joy was surely found in my back yard and I would never have imagined it to be so . The Chicken Resort is really a stand out moment and was certainly unexpected . Twenty - fifteen is here . . . . . the dawn of a new year . This year I have adopted two words that I will most definitely apply to my life throughout the year . The last part of twenty - fourteen opened my eyes to a lot of things and one of them was the fact I can not keep holding on to things that do not bring happiness or make my life better . I have held on to many things for far too many years in the hopes of all of this will make my life happier , better , or complete . I have learned finally , that just is not the case . It is now time to let go of it all . It is time to focus on what I need to do to get where I want to end up . It may very well mean changing how I think , feel or react to things things , but letting go of all the negativity that surrounds an unrealistic way of thinking should be a positive start in the right direction . " Letting go " will certainly be the running anthem for the new year in every aspect of my life . I have decided that by doing that . . . . I will be freeing myself from facing a new year with the same unrealistic hope that things will just change on their own . If change is to come , I have to make the changes . It will be like a breath of fresh air . Hanging on to things . . . and I have lots of things is first and foremost in the letting go part of my new year . Hanging on to unrealistic ideals and opinions of people in my life will go as well . If they don 't bring joy or appreciate the joy I try to bring to the relationships , then they will be let go of as well or the very least scaled down . I am hopeful for a new year that the right changes will have the most impact in my life . For me , I get stuck in a rut and wait for someone , something to make it better . I have not lived up to my potential for several years and for the first time in my life , I see what has , or what I have allowed to hold me back . I am going to " Let Go " of all of those things , and I am looking ahead at Twenty - fifteen with a heart wide open for what is to come . Blogging friends . . . I am back ! Thank you one and all who certainly impacted my life during December in a huge way . You truly , TRULY have no idea of the impact you made on my heart and thoughts in the last couple of weeks . I am forever thankful for my wonderful friends from afar ! My heart sisters ! !
|
Growing There are times when you are forced to grow as a person . Often times , you grow apart or away from something that once used to be so familiar to you - second nature if you will . I recently went through this experience on my own and it was both demanding , heartbreaking and enlightening . Without going into much detail of what actually transpired , I 'll try to write something about it because it shifted something in me and changed me as a human being forever . I recently parted ways with my best friend . It was a very abrupt situation , it was messy and in its own way contrived . It made me open my eyes to my errors as a human being and helped me receive a better understanding of how people around me see me . We parted ways after I got married because of different interests and different places in life , but it was enlightening to me , I got to hear how my actions and my attitude affects other human beings in a way that I had never thought it would . To be frank , I don 't divulge into my mental health issues much with my real life friends , because I come off completely insane , with little control over my emotions . I live in a place where emotions are a negative thing to display , where mental health is very much on the down low and not spoken about . Even though I am a huge advocate for speaking out about mental health , there are just some situations and relationships where I have hidden the issue because I don 't want to be different . But I let my emotions control a big part of my life , much bigger than I want . The last year has been fucking rough . Between planning a wedding , deaths , personal stuff , friendships being worn down to the bones - it 's just been a lot in 2016 . I must say that I haven 't been as stable as I have wanted , I fell into a several month long depression and really struggled to get out . I didn 't want to inconvenience my friends or those around me seeing as I kind of felt obligated to feel happier than ever because I got married . So I kept to myself and let my thoughts shred a gaping hole in my chest , ever growing and consuming me until I was nothing but a ball of stress , depression and anxiety . This went on for most of 2016 and culminated in a breakdown before our wedding day , I almost called it off because my anxiety was so bad . During this time , I did not act like myself nor did I recognise myself in my actions or my erratic mind . I was also terminated from therapy because I had initially done very well and there 's a limit to how much therapy one can stand . Seeing as I struggled with some stress in my personal relationship with my then fiancé , I unwillingly let it bleed all over my other relationships . I let it push me further into the dark place where all I can do is drown in my own negative thinking . My friends noticed that something was up , but never asked me what was wrong , all I know is that there has been some talk about me in some settings where I have seemed unattainable or not really " there " . Looking back I completely agree and there are many things I should have done , many things I should have said or left unsaid but it 's sadly over and done with . The aftermath as of recent months is that I have lost my network . I don 't have the friends I used to , I don 't have the social network I once had . And it 's really saddening when you lose something you have been taking for granted , when there are so many regrets and painful things you should have said . But , there is the element of closure which I am giving myself as of this month . I have struggled with coming to terms with the loss of my friends , grieving it because I can never get it back . We 're just too different and if it wasn 't this that drove us apart , it would have been something else . At least it 's a comfort knowing that it would probably have ended some way or another , seeing as they had a view of me as a very dull and unenthusiastic person and our gatherings all had one element in common ; drinking alcohol . I have , as I have stated before , a very complicated relationship to alcohol . I either drink for the wrong reasons and in abhorrent amounts , which affects everything negatively . Closing a chapter that I have known all my life , that I have grown with and knowing what I know now about life I see now how easy it is to form a friendship - but also how fast one can grow apart . I 'm not saying it 's been easy to accept this , but there is a certain comfort in the storm , knowing that we parted ways in a civil manner and that we 're not filled with animosity . At least I 'm not . So that was my short comeback to this blog . To be completely honest , I want to delete all of this sometimes . But in another way , it 's the only rendition of my life that is so concise , sometimes I scroll through this for hours and can 't remember writing these posts , but I appreciate them so immensely because it 's the diary written while I went through the hardest times in my life , and serve as a way for me to reflect on what it used to be like , to see how much I have grown as a person and an adult . As I have previously mentioned , the road has not been easy . To be frank , it 's been quite the hell , and for a moment I wasn 't really sure that there would even BE a wedding . But everything came together , we spent our savings on a lovely honeymoon . On Sunday I met my mother in law for the first time since the ' incident ' where she basically told me I was a selfish and mean person , who treated her son like shit . It went good , I didn 't really want to be much around her , but she is a part of the family now and is very helpful with the practical stuff , so of course she needed to be there on Sunday . My parents had made some sample food that they will make for the wedding ( herb and lemon marinated trout , with salad and bread ) , and we went over the details . I met her today while running errands at a fabric shop , and she was like she used to be before she attacked me , she was the person I though I knew , and hope that she really , deep in her heart is . Things between me and my fiancé were really bad for a while , we almost went our separate ways because of all the stress , and we 've been trying to have a baby which has proven to be unsuccessful time and time again , so it adds to the pressure and stress . Not to mention all the things that have gone wrong during our wedding planning , it 's a freaking wonder that we even got to put it all together . The tension between us was so extreme because of all the stress and my resentment towards his mother , and then I got really physically sick which often happens if I am in emotional distress and I needed him so much , but he isolated himself . So there we were , sitting in our separate rooms , both depressed and trying to make our relationship work . We went to a wedding in the beginning of the summer and I kept feeling that we would never look that happy or feel like that on our wedding day , because we had a huge fight the night before that wedding . However , we 're doing better now , and despite the fact that we are kind of broke , nervous and don 't know what the future has in store for us , family wise or economically - I think we 'll make it because we are still very much in love . The wedding planning became so much for me and the negativity from everyone was so overwhelming a month ago that we went on a hiking trip , we camped there for one night and spent the other at a hotel . It was a much needed break , and worth every penny . I have so many pictures from that trip , but I won 't share any to keep my shred of anonymity . If you 're still out there , reading my entries , thank you . I know that this isn 't as exciting as when I was severely delusional and ill , but I am growing up and becoming myself , I have let go of a lot of stuff that only held me back , and I try to look forward . Thank you for those still reading , and I hope you are all doing good . I Should be Over the Moon It 's 8 months to my wedding . I should be over the moon . But I am not . I feel incredible guilty for my mental illness , and even though my fiance says that he doesn 't mind ; that he 's seen the imperfections and my downfalls , I 'm . . I 'm not sure that he will love me forever , like we are going to promise each other . It stems from my abandonment issues - when he gets a job and is a great productive member of society , I 'll be unable to work for at least 5 years ( which is the deal I have with my psychiatrist so I can take some time for myself and not be entangled in the web of doctors , checkups , psychiatrists and medication . ) I have a dress , but I 'm not happy with it . The truth of the matter is that nothing about my wedding has been like I thought it would be . My parents won 't hold a speech for me on my wedding day , I basically had to beg my father to walk me down the isle , we have a very small budget and a lot of guests ( 60 + ) , and that excludes most of the people I wanted to be there . Not to mention the fact that I didn 't want children attending , I just don 't think that it 's appropriate to have children around drinking etc . If I were to have it my way , there would only be immediate family and my bestest of friends attending , but since my parents are paying for a big part of it , I had to succumb to their wishes and invite a ton of family that I honestly only see every two - three years . I had to make extra space for the guests that I wanted to be there , and it turns out that many of them might not even be able to attend since they are starting their family . And I totally get that , who wants to have an infant screaming at a wedding in the heat of the summer ? I know a lot of my friends are thinking of not coming because of that , which is okay , but kind of saddens me at the same time , since I attended their wedding . But I will certainly not make anyone feel guilty for starting their family or extending it . You don 't stop your whole life because your friend is getting married . I thought of sewing my own dress , it 's a simple gown , I know that I would be able to do it . I paid in cash or my own gown I have now , which is an A - line lace bodice dress with laces and pearls trailing down , it 's much too big for me , and has not yet been altered , so I would probably be able to sell it for the same price I got it for , since it has never been used and stored at a non - smoke place , in a dress bag . The one I really want costs around $ 1000 and has to be imported from the US , and it was the one I first saw and researched when he proposed . I haven 't even made the invitations yet . I keep telling myself that there 's time , but with our budget I won 't be able to handmake every single invitation which I wanted to do . So what I will do is paint splashes of our wedding colors ( sage , gold and grey / blue ) , edit them in Photoshop with the invitation on them , and send them to a photo printer . I don 't have the money to handmake each one as I said , but … It 's just an invitation , right ? In addition to all the wedding stress , there are other things too . My husband to be is done with his Master 's degree this summer , and we don 't know where he 'll work when his education is finished . There has been a dip down here in his field of work , so we might be looking at moving 5 + hours away from where we live . We don 't want to move , but we 'll go where the work is of course . And since the engagement we have been arguing , I have noticed a flare up in my PTSD and eating disorder which is not good on any account . I walk like a ghost through our apartment every day , basically just waiting until I can go back to bed because there is nothing for me to do . I was going to get a new camera so I could start my photography career , but that has been put on the backburner due to some economical difficulties regarding my welfare . Basically , I am now paying my part of the rent with the money I had saved up for our wedding . And it stings . It stings so hard , because it is a great deal of money - and I have to spend it on rent , in stead of my dream dress or anything to do with the wedding . We never had much money to start with when we got together , and it would be hard for us to find a new place now that we have two cats . It 's just been hard the last 6 months , us arguing , me closing off and becoming less and less social day by day , and to be quite frank , a little bitter that my life turned out like it did . I am 27 , and I am nowhere where I thought I would be by now . But that 's life , right ? Unpredictable and unstable . You never know what 's around the corner . Hopefully something good will come our way , and soon . Because as it is right now at this moment ? It 's hard for me to keep my head over the water . Only a few months ago I went to visit my big sister in the big city , and contacted my ex boyfriend who now resides there . We have been friends for 12 years , and I was asking around for a good place to eat , because I was going to meet one of my best long - distance friends in the city , and I have no idea where anything is . My knowledge basically remains around the train and bus - station , because I am so paralyzed by fear of all the people and the hectic environment around me . So I asked my ex who gave me some nice suggestions and then he invited me to come to his office at his new job . I didn 't really want to , so I politely declined , but we continued to have a convo by text for a few minutes . It was nice . He is the nicest ex boyfriend I have ever had , he was always so respectful even in times when my life impacted his because my eating disorder and my depression was at the worst while we were together . Sure , we had our bad times too , especially when I was hospitalized , but we made it through and then split up a year later . The tone between us has been generally nice and calm , and we have always been able to talk to each other ( he suffers from Bipolar Type II , so we relate a lot ) , and joke around . So time passes like it has a tendency of doing , and things happen and we get into a tiny fight online because I don 't want him to talk badly of a friend of mine , especially when it 's untrue . So I might come off a bit stern and tell him to back off . And then , all of the sudden - it 's like a bomb going off , he cusses me out and tells me all kinds of stuff about me and our relationship that I had no idea he felt . He said that we weren 't really friends and that I should leave him alone , that he never wanted to see me and that he was so sick of me contacting him . I can understand that not all people are cut out to be friends with their ex , but this was a massive explosion , not to mention that it was very strange seeing as we have been on good terms for the last 7 - 8 years . He said that he didn 't want to be reminded of our relationship , and I said that I was sorry , I could back off , disconnect from the internet pages and places we collide and leave him alone , but then he said that it didn 't really matter any way , he didn 't give a fuck about me anyways , and that people could think whatever they wanted . In essence , it was basically a big blowout coming from nowhere , but it seemed like he had been thinking about it for a while . I was not prepared for it , so it came as quite the shock . At first I got really mad and resentful because we are grown up human beings and should be able to speak and relate to each other in such a way , but then I just got sad . Really sad , because I had thought that we were friends for 7 years , when he apparently didn 't want anything to do with me , and that he can 't stand being around me , but then he changed his tone and said that he didn 't give a damn about whether I stayed his friend or not . I tried calling him because I felt it was kind of immature of us to be arguing online , but he said he was busy , and that he would let me know when he was available . The whole thing just shocked me so much and made me so sad and made me relapse into destructive behavior again . I also heard that he had made fun of the fact that I am getting married in 10 months , and that it was " fucking weird that I wanted to get married , when I never wanted to get married to him . " I took the whole thing a bit hard , I guess , because I cried and relapsed into eating disordered behavior , and I even stopped speaking for two days . I just had no words to utter to my friends , my fiancé or my ex . I was just silent , and I sat in my bed for two whole days , just staring out in the open air . My fiancé eventually managed to get the story out of me , and said that I should let it go , that he was clearly damaged in some way and that it wasn 't my fault - but the thing that strikes me as odd is that he pretended to be my friend for so long . He could have just asked me to stay away , not to contact me , he could have said no to helping me out when we were in the same class in college , or stopped the contact with me . I don 't understand why he did what he did , and I certainly do not understand what I have done to make him so angry with me . I am over the whole ordeal now , I severed all ties with him and some of our mutual friends , but there are some friends that I will always hang on to , and he 's my best guy friend , as well as my ex 's best friend too . It 's complicated . So down , down , down I spiraled again . I became a selective mute for two days , didn 't answer my phone or anything , I remained in contact with some of my confidants online because I just had to make some kind of sense of it . It 's . . strange , really . I told my mom what had happened because she too saw that I was distraught , and she said that I had never said a bad word about him even though we have had our problems . I have never made fun of him to anyone with malicious intent , but I guess he thinks I have . My mother said that it seemed to her like he was jealous that I was finally getting married , and that I was getting married to someone else but him . But still - I can 't fully get over his massive explosion . It came out of the blue . Apparently he hates me so much that he can 't stand being reminded of me , or our relationship , so I am going to honor that and stay away as much as I can . I have blocked his number on my phone and will delete him on Facebook now . It 's just . . Really sad when you lose someone you thought were your friend . Even mid fight , he said " well , I 'm done talking about this , but anyway how are you , how are you doing with your meds and stuff ? " I am beyond confused , but I know one thing ; some people just aren 't your friend . And now I know that some people might even hate your guts , but will pretend to be your friend . I have no idea why , though . All I know is that cutting him out of my life actually gave me a lot more than I thought it would . I am no longer obligated to stay his friend , and we can go our separate ways and never have to wonder if we would have worked out or not . All in all , it was something that I think we both needed in the end , but I just never saw it . In the Good times and The Bad So this weekend we went to a wedding . We - as an engaged couple went to a wedding . I know the bride because of my fiancé - he 's childhood friends with the groom and former roommates with the bride - and we have become good friends in the last three years . She 's been as excited as I was about my proposal and we 've hashed out wedding details together ( get this , we both planned to have the same color scheme and the same dress . . I guess great minds thinks alike . ) I knew that they wanted money to get a new kitchen for their new house , and I took polaroids of her bachelorette party and their wedding as a little fun gift as well . The bride hugged me in tears and thanked me for the pictures , because I am always one to bring a polaroid camera with me , so I have given them photos of them together for two years , and now the pictures of her big day . While they got married and the ceremony was going down , I cried a lot . Because marriage is a huge commitment . And to be honest , things at home with my hubs to be has not been the best the last few months . They have been much worse than this - believe me , but with a wife to be on welfare because of PTSD and severe depression , my resurfacing trauma and anxiety from being punched at the bachelorette party and seeing my abuser several times , and a hubs to be working on his degree ; it speaks for itself . We don 't have much money . We don 't have much of anything , to be honest . And there is the fact that there is so much pressure on our wedding , the guests , the food , the budget . Something shifted when I got this ring on my finger . We were no longer playing around , we were visibly in it for life - which , do not get me wrong , we both want . But with sun comes the rain , and in the end I feel guilty . I am a woman who has waded through hospitals , diagnoses , medication , severe depression , self mutilation , abuse from several men because " I 'm sure I can change him , it 's just a phase " . And it has made my heart grown cold . Very , very cold . I say things during our arguments that I would never have said unless I had experienced abuse from previous domestic partners . One of the classics are " I don 't NEED to be with you . There is nothing within me that tells me that I NEED to be with you . I NEED to be with someone who understands and doesn 't undermine me . I don 't take any bullshit from anyone , so you can just stop whatever game you are playing - because I don 't need it . " And that - my friends , is my brain trying to protect me . Of course I need him . I would be lost and probably dead without the man . He sat down on my bedside tonight and said that we have been trough a lot , from the time I stood in my pajamas on the bridge , to my relapse into Anorexia last summer and my self mutilation . But the thing is though … This is different . He doesn 't try to be my nurse , therapist or sow pillows under my arms . He says it like it is . He says " Yeah , we 're in a shitty place right now . We have gone through a lot , we 've said and done things out of anger that were childish - I have been mean to you , and there were times I should have put US first and not work as much while getting my degree . " And I think the fact that he knows all this is what has kept me from running out the door . I am a natural runner . I ran when I was almost kicked to death on the kitchen floor , I ran when my other dimwit tried to undermine me . I don 't want to take any more shit from men , and I have gigantic trust issues that probably would fill our entire apartment . So there we were . At a wedding . And people told us all the time that we are so good together . We have this humor to us , a type of banter that makes people around us laugh . But right now , it 's not just only banter and happy days . There are days where I am unsure of what is happening . Getting married and staying committed for life is a big fucking deal . He comes from a broken home with a 50 % chance to develop substance abuse issues or alcoholism , I come from a home where my father was an alcoholic for a large part of my childhood - but none the less , they are together and has been for almost 45 years now . And there are no guarantees in life . You are never guaranteed to be happy . What it really comes down to is my own insecurity ; the feeling that he deserves someone who 's not as damaged as me . He does not know the full extent of abuse I have gone through , an I will never tell him either . He 's my fiancé , my best friend , my lover - not my therapist . And he tells me all the time that he knew from the first night he spent the night that I had scars on my body . He knew that my life had been rough . But he chose to be with me , and he chose to ask me to marry him despite my flaws , my past and my disease . He commends me for being this strong , and he shares my victories . He holds my hand when I am scared , and lies next to me when I am afraid of the outside . But he doesn 't let it cripple him . He still lives his life , and I live mine . And I think that is one of the things that makes our relationship so good - we 're able to be together in the same room , but not all over each other . Silence speaks louder than words . And the man would die for me , as would I for him . The only doubt I have about us getting married ; is the ceremony , the party and the whole hoopla we are basically forced to have because of family and tradition etc . The thing is though ; I don 't really look forward to it . I won 't be wearing a $ 5000 gown . I will be wearing a cheap , elegant gown . I won 't blow our budget on the party . I will blow the budget on the traveling afterwards the party . I look forward to be married , the marriage , being united - not so much the party . The party is just one detail that we are doing for our families and our friends . I 'm sure I 'll feel different about it when I actually have my dress and I have drawn up the sketches for our garden wedding by the sea , with tapas and small dishes served on planks , running down the entire table , getting ready in the room I grew up in and having my father walk be down the isle . But when I have been trying on wedding dresses that are in fact $ 5000 - $ 7000 dresses , I think that yeah , sure , these are beautiful . But I would much rather spend our money on a vacation . I look at the dresses - I try them on , I think yes , sure , this makes me feel like a bride , the hand stitched lace is gorgeous - but it 's just not … It 's not me . Not even when they pop a veil on my head and shove a bouquet of flowers and I stand on the podium - only then do I realize that I have forgot to take the sunglasses off my head . That 's not an super - omg - my - dress - will - make - the - day - bride . That is a " ok , this looks good - I think I 'll wait until the wedding season is over and see if I can 't get a second hand dress for my wedding - bride . " And I am perfectly fine with it ; we have the money to buy an expensive dress , but to be honest - I don 't feel like I need it . I will order a dress on Etsy and be done with it . So what if the lace is not hand stitched in Milan ( Lies , all lies , they are all made in China , it says so on the label inside the dress ) , so what if I don 't get the most expensive and poofy dress on the rack . Chances are that it will be ruined So even though things are hard right now and tomorrow he 's leaving for 4 days on a boys only trip where they hike on a mountain , things have been so hard that I know that the easiest option would for me to run away . But that 's the thing . . He 's able to accept me for me , when I 'm not . He 's 100 % certain that I am the woman he wants to start a family with and marry , buy a house and build a cat fort outside in the garden . He wants me for me . And my brain just doesn 't understand . And that is really , really sad . But somehow I know that we will make it . I wouldn 't have stayed for over three years if I didn 't . And it 's not desperation - I am not afraid to be single and alone . I am just a woman in love , going through a rough patch with my fiancé . And I expect there to be many more . Laugh ! And a Rambly Post . . I am in general , a happy person . To the extent where I can laugh so hard at something small or silly that I almost pee myself and fall down on the floor . This has always been the " good " side of me , because for so many years the laughter was gone from my life . I was shuttled from hospital to my parents home , back to the hospital again , and to be honest , for some time I think that my parents were prepared to lose me . And I was sure as hell prepared to die ; I never planned to make it to 20 . I was very sensitive towards things that my parents said and I was also bullied my whole life , so I was sure that people were always messing with me . I think that is why I am so suspicious and such a hardass to this day . I remember in kindergarten hiding away from the other kids to take a breather . I would lock myself in the supply closet - yes , lock myself in because it was the early 90 's , and just stand against the wall and have a breather . I remember doing this every day I was there , and my mother stayed home with me twice a week , I think , because there was of course some concern because I wasn 't " socializing with the other kids " - aka smacking them in the head with my toys . Anyway . Now that I am nearly off all my medication , ( I only use benzos to sleep and in case of major anxiety , and painkillers still , which all of them are supposed to be tapered off during the fall ) . But of course , something shitty just had to happen ; the punch I got in the head when I was out celebrating a bachelorette party . As a woman who endured domestic abuse for some time , it 's bound to set you back a little . I was afraid to go outside for about two weeks , my fiancé - bless his heart - had to accompany me to the grocery store , and I was so ridden with anxiety that I actually hid behind a shelf just because a man walked by . So there 's that . My psychiatrist upped my dosage on the medication and said that if I felt the need to take it during the day , I could . But as many people suffering from anxiety will tell you , just the fact that you know you have medication at home or in your purse is a security in itself . I didn 't make it to work either , but that was OK , I got the work done when I got back , so no hard feelings there . So . Laughter . I was watching some show , just a random one on Hulu about two women who were on the show " The Jersey Shore " . I loved that show because of its dysfunctionality , so I have seen all of it , including the sequel with the two women . One of them goes on to become a mother and her relationship doesn 't seem to be going that well because her fiancé calls her names and is a proper jerk towards her , but in the second and third season they are doing so good and they are so funny so I lie in bed laughing LOUDLY while my man is sleeping and snoring . He doesn 't notice at all . And it got me thinking to what a happy person I really am , and how people say that I 'm funny . I was out with several friends this week , and they all said to me that I was one of the funniest people they know . It saddens me gravely that I was never able to develop into the person I was supposed to be , and I hope that I one day will be able to let go of the sorrow and grief . I feel resentful for having my childhood and teens and then , my early twenties taken away from me , to be drugged down half my life so I would never feel anything so I wouldn 't hurt myself or take my own life . Looking at it from a far away perspective which I am able to do now , I am not really satisfied with the misdiagnosis I received at an early age , the snide comments doctors and nurses have made towards me , and in general the treatment I got for being mentally ill . I was never allowed to be myself in those years , and when I was , I got scolded like some kid when I was in fact an adult and just wanted to lighten the mood . But now that I haven 't been in the hospital for 7 years ( ! ) for my mental illness or my afflictions , other than the emergency room for stitches or emergency medication , I find myself developing into a person that I actually like . Sure , I could work out more to look better , or I could do more housework , but the one thing that has come back to me after years of medication is my ability to read books again . During the last months I have read 6 - 7 books and I am currently picking up on a series I started but had to stop because of the meds that caused short time memory loss , the series " A song of Ice and Fire " - or Game of Thrones if you will . The books are insanely long , over 1000 pages , but I am so glad that I can just sit down and read and not have to go back several chapters because my memory was so terrible . And I am grateful that I am able to laugh so much that my face hurts from smiling , or that my boyfriend makes me laugh so hard that I almost pee myself . Sometimes I take a look at my life and think " How the hell did I get through all of it , how am I alive , how did I survive ? " , and then I look at the life I have now , a stable life with my man , we 're getting married , we 're applying for loans to buy a house , we have our cats , we have our hobbies - we both play a great deal of computer games which I have youtube channel for , and life is just good . It 's good . And I laugh more now than I have ever done , even if love is challenging and we are bound to butt heads , the thing that has always kept me and my man together is the laughter and the banter between us , it 's what attracted us to each other , and now three years later , even in the dark period when I was over medicated and started self mutilating again and all hope seemed lost , he never gave up on making me laugh . It 's an important part of life and of our relationship , and I am so glad to be able to laugh so much that my entire body shakes and I can 't even utter a single word . Life is as of now , good . And I am so excited to see how our life will turn out a year - two years from now . I was diagnosed at 22 with Bipolar Disorder type II , the " milder " version . I have not suffered any psychosis related to the disease , and as time has gone on , the symptoms have gradually disappeared . I have written about this before , but my illness is most likely not Bipolar Disorder after all , but a combination of the abuse I endured as a child and later in my life . There have been a lot of things that has contributed to this , things that I cannot take to court because it happened so long ago - but the memories are still there . The nightmares , the anxiety , the terror and fear - it 's all there . I had an appointment with her two days ago where she told me that in her expert opinion , it was highly unlikely that I was Bipolar , but that I was suffering from PTSD and anxiety to the degree where it has made permanent damage in my life , brain and personality . Let 's face it , I never really got to be a normal teenager , I never got to have a summer job and do all those things that " normal " teenagers do . I spent my teens locked in my room , staring out the window or cutting myself . Even though I work now , I don 't get paid because it is part of a program that combines mental health and the welfare system so we can see how much work I am able to do , and then move on from there . My internship ends in September , but we will continue searching for a job in the local government because it suits me , and it 's a very flexible place to work . Even though it has been long over a decade since I was first abused and I can hardly remember it , my body remembers it all too well . My body remembers everything that has happened to me , and unfortunately - my body had to suffer the consequences when I started starving myself to rid myself of the memories . Many people think that an eating disorder is about the looks , and about dieting . It might be for some , but for me , it was a way for me to disappear , in my mind I would be able to walk the halls of my school unnoticed so that nobody could see me or hurt me again . A way for me to stay untouchable . I was obviously wrong , and to this day I suffer from the aftermath of what I did to myself . I have a very low metabolism which I have to take medication for , my vitamin D levels are dangerously low so I take medication for that too , and I have a mild form of osteoporosis , or brittle bones if you will , and I have problems with digestion . I 'm only 26 years old and my body feels like it 's 70 . And of course , I have scars from self injury that I can 't get rid of unless I try laser treatment , but I 've written about my horrible experience with the doctor about that before so I just live with it , no matter how uncomfortable it is to have gaping scars on my wrists after the most serious suicide attempt at 19 . And now it 's summer , I might weigh a decent amount , but I could stand to do some situps now and then , so I am really self conscious of my body and the whole bikini situation . But despite all this - I count myself lucky . I am going to be evaluated again after I calm down from being punched two weeks ago ( read my previous post ) , and then we 'll see . It saddens me too , that something that was so out of my control , that people walk free from to this day , still hurts me so much and makes me unable to keep a stable 9 - 5 job . It saddens me because I will never really get to know the person I would have become if I had not been abused at such a young age . My teens were filled with rage , depression and despair , and poor decisions - my early twenties , filled with alcohol , drugs and men that were bad for me . It really makes me wonder if the people who abused me knows what they did to me , or if they know that they took something from me that night it happened . Because to be honest , I never really felt whole again . Sometimes when I can 't sleep at all , I sit by the kitchen table by the window and look at the people walking by in the morning , people heading to work and to the University nearby and I wonder what they are like . I wonder ; could I have turned out like them ? I look at my friends who haven 't experienced or lived through what I have , and I wonder if my life could be like that too ? If I could have had a stable job for years , the money to buy an apartment , a ' normal ' life without Valium , nightmares and anxiety and the freedom to just go out the door whenever I wanted to ? Beatdown Two weeks ago I was attending a bachelorette party . I was hesitant to go because I don 't handle alcohol well ( as we all know ) , and because there would be girls that I didn 't know at all coming , and one girl that I do know , who acts kind of holier than thou towards me . I 've known her for about ten years , and she still treats me like trash . However , I went because I knew that it would mean a great deal to the bride , she even told me so herself later on that night and thanked me for coming out and attending for over 12 hours . To be honest , I had a really good time . As a present to her , I took a lot of polaroid pictures during the day that she got to keep , and I am going to make a movie out of the pictures , clips and films we all took that day . Anyways , when we hit the town after over 12 hours of activities and dinner , I went to the bathroom , which was a co - ed bathroom so we had to share sinks with the guys . The place we went to is a sports pub by day and a really wild club by night so I only had a glass of wine , and I drank a little during the day , but I was still coherent and not drunk at all . When I tried to make my way to the sink , a guy pushed me . So naturally , I got mad and tried to get to the sink yet again , but he kept on pushing me , so I pushed him back . I was so overwhelmed by everything that day and I had only slept a few hours before the bachelorette party began at 8 in the morning , so I was getting pretty damn tired and I just wanted to go home . And before I knew it , the guy punched my lights out , and when I came to it , some random guy was holding me down while the guy who hit me ran away . I didn 't tell the bride because I didn 't want to upset her , I just gathered my things and called my fiancé to come meet me because he was on his way home from work . I don 't see myself as a physical threat . I am 5 ' 2 ″ and I weigh somewhere around 95 - 100lbs naturally , so I 'm not a big girl . The fact that the guy had someone to hold me down as he escaped just … It baffles me , to be honest . I told the guards about what happened , but unfortunately he was already long gone - but they were really nice and went looking for him , but the guy was really generic looking and was wearing a blue shirt and khakis - which 30 other guys were wearing that night , but they said they would be on the lookout . I started on my walk / run home , when I ran into the police . The embarrassing part is that one of the men on duty that night is a friend of me and my fiancé . I walked a couple of metres , and then there he was , the douchebag who punched me . I asked him nicely if he was the one who had punched me , and he didn 't deny it . He kept on saying that I could hit him back all I wanted , and I tried to calmly explain that I didn 't want to punch him - I just wanted to know if it was him , and if I could get his name . At that point , three officers had gathered around us because the guy was so drunk , and he tried to escape so I am pretty sure it was the guy who hit me . It 's so typical - I just want to have a good time with my friends and I get sucker punched for no reason other than the fact that I tried to wash my hands . Sure ; I could have been more careful and not pushed him back , but I was afraid and I kept getting flashbacks from my violent ex so I acted on impulse to protect myself . I am so embarrassed about the entire incident , but the worst part is that the nightmares that literally JUST had disappeared , are now back . I wake up every half hour , drenched in my own sweat and tears , and need to remind myself where I am and who I am and how old I am , and that I am in the same bed as my fiancé and not people that have hurt me before . I spoke to my therapist about it who recommended that I stayed away from places like that , which frankly baffled me a little . I understand what she 's saying and that the situation would be less likely to happen if we were at a more grown up place , but still . I felt kind of hurt , like it was my fault that he started shoving me against the wall and punched me . I took pictures of my head because I got a huge bump and bruise near my temple , and the police got his name in case I want to take it to court , which I don 't want to . I am pretty pissed off about the entire incident . It 's so unfair that women have to endure such abuse and violence when I was just trying to have fun with my friends and enjoy her bachelorette party . Needless to say , it 'll be a while before I go out to a club or pub again . Down , Down , and Then it Gets Better . I sit here in my bed at 1 : 56AM at night . I look at my engagement ring , I smile and then I get a little sad . Sad because the few last weeks have been anything but good . I have been out sick from work again on Monday , and for personal reasons I could not attend work yesterday . Let me just say this about my current life and situation in general . It is not ideal . My fiancé and I have hit a few road blocks the last couple of weeks . I won 't go into detail because I don 't want to air the dirty laundry out here on my blog , but it has been detrimental to my health , as well as his . It all started when I went looking around our apartment for the key to our storage space , across the garden from our apartment complex . The last time I had it , I gave it to my fiancé because he got me a new bike for Christmas . My previous bike was 15 years old , rusty , the gears didn 't work , but it got stolen from outside our apartment anyway . So he got me a new bike , which I loved , and he stored it in our unit . I keep a lot of my old stuff in there , including a huge crate of shoes . I walk to and from work two days a week . That 's usually 5 - 6 kilometres both ways , including all the walking I do at work . So I searched for the key - but it 's gone . I need my other pair of trainers because my Nike Air shoes are worn out . Me receiving financial aid and him being a student , there 's no secret that money is tight right now , so I can 't afford new shoes . We 're also in the process of obtaining a loan so we can buy our own place , so tension is high . The wedding is in a year and a half , but it still needs planning and stuff . And for some reason I cannot fathom , my fiancé thinks that it is his responsibility to keep me happy and go lucky all the time . I have never EVER told him that it is his responsibility , it is just something he has concluded himself . It is my belief and my truth that only you are responsible for your own happiness . Sure , other people can contribute towards it , but in the end - you have to do the work . And I have been happy , even though working two days a week exhausts me , so I sleep more than usual . I need to lay down after work because I am constantly on my feet , running around with files that need sorting etc . But somehow , my fiancé got it in his head that I was unhappy and spent a lot of energy trying to make my life better , when he really should be concentrating on his own happiness and wellbeing . He 's a really really nice guy who wouldn 't hurt a fly - but it got to the point were we were arguing so much that I had to ask him why he was so angry and kept poking the bear ( me ) . He told me that he did all he could to make me happy , but it didn 't work . I told him on multiple occasions that I was in fact happy , but he didn 't seem to believe me , so he burnt himself out on trying to make me happy ( which I already was ) , focusing on school , work and his social life . And now , he has collapsed . And so have I . Right now , we are at a crossroad . We cannot continue living like this , arguing over a stupid key and other small things as well . We need to take care of ourselves first , and then each other . But today , I was running some errands in town , and suddenly I found myself standing in the middle of the street crying . This is not how our engagement was supposed to be . This is not how our future was supposed to start . And then , I found myself growing bitter - which we all know is poisonous in a relationship , because we have put off getting married and starting a family until he 's finished with his degree . I felt bitter because I have worked so damn hard to get to a place where I can feel okay and not depressed or manic , only to discover that my biggest source of unhappiness is my fiancé and the fact that he wouldn 't even consider getting married this summer , even though I asked him to , and he said he 'd think about it . I called him up and he came to pick me up minutes later , bought me dinner and then we just sat in the car for minutes and agreed that unless things change between us , we cannot get married next year . I refuse to enter a marriage unhappy . But then , he took my hand and said " I 'll do anything to make you happy . Even if it means us not getting married . I don 't want for you to grow bitter at me , I don 't want for you to marry me unless we are both happy and in love . All I want for you is to be happy , even if it means us not being together . I 'll sacrifice our relationship for you to be happy . " And with those words , I knew that I had to let go of the resentment and bitterness and start working on our relationship again . Work on the little things we used to do , like watch movies and go out to dinner when our savings would allow us . After all , marriage is during the good times and the bad . And for now , I think things are going to get better for the two of us . Because he is the one I want to spend all my days with - good or bad , and I refuse to let him slip through my fingers over something as dumb as a key . Surprise Wedding ! I know I don 't disclose much of my private life on here for obvious reasons - I don 't want anyone I know personally to find this blog or its content . But yesterday I traveled for five hours to my sister and her fiancé . They have been engaged for six years and have three kids . I see them rather often because they love to come visit our parents by the sea , and my sister has taken some time off from work to stay at home with the twins . Today they got baptized but yesterday and the day before that - I was feeling really sick . Splitting headache , stomach issues and nausea and fever . I called my mom to ask if I should still come , because I am one of the godparents to the twins and she said that if I was sick I should maybe stay home , as not to contaminate an entire family of five + guests at the baptism . So I called my sister to tell her that I was feeling sick , and that I wouldn 't want anyone to get sick on my account , but she was so adamant on me coming and said that I was a godparent and that I had to come because I am usually the photographer and videographer of our family events . Also , she would need a lot of help with the kidlings which I am happy to do , so I got on the train that morning and slept through the entire ride . Traditionally , baptisms are held on sundays , with plenty of kids and a sermon beforehand . But today , the church was just filled with family . I didn 't think much of it at the time . But then the preacher said " Saturdays are usually reserved for weddings and the uniting of couples " , and all of a sudden , the doors opened and there my sister stood , in a ivory silk dress , with her oldest child in a beautiful dress , and her fiancé by her side . Turns out , they had planned to get married and baptize the twins all along , and that is why she got so sad that my man couldn 't make it , and why she was so strict and adamant on me coming even if I was sick . I didn 't realize it was them until they were halfway down the isle , but I got the whole ceremony on tape , pictures of the reception , the gifts for the kids ( there were no wedding gifts because of the secret wedding ) , pictures of the guests and the twins and the eldest daughter and the married couple at the church , which my sister really appreciated . Now , my family has never been the marrying kind , despite our parents whom recently celebrated 42 years of marriage . She said she 'd never do it , I said I 'd never get married or have kids , my brother is single as well . But there she was , getting married . I cried of course , because she was so beautiful , as were her children and the ceremony was really their style . No muss , no fuss , just simple and elegant as my sister is . I am so happy for her , and my brother held a speech and made a point of the four things my sister said she would NEVER do , get married , have children , get an iPhone and get a Volvo . She now has done all four . It turns out I have been helping her putting together her wedding for months without knowing it ! I helped her pick out the shoes , and she looked at dresses when I went to try on dresses etc . , we looked at flowers , prices and she used my wedding as a cover . She got three dresses for the price of a new one ; our family has always been thrifty , and the baby girl twin and her sister wore these adorable dresses in tulle with butterflies on them and a bow on the back - which cost more than all my sister 's three wedding dresses combined . It was such a happy occasion and I am glad I filmed and took photographs of it all . We headed to a fancy hotel and had dinner and cake , and it really was a surprise , my mother didn 't even know , and she cried and cried because she was so happy . I went home early because I was falling asleep at the reception - turns out , watching after three kids , feeding them , changing them , bathing them and dressing them - two of them whom are still infants , and helping my sister do her hair at eight in the morning is quite exhausting . When they got home , I woke up and went down to congratulate her and she said that she was so happy I did her hair and helped out . She was really moved by the fact that I came , and she even insisted on me trying on the wedding dress she didn 't use . It 's white - not ivory , but it has beautiful beadwork and lace , and buttons down the back , The skirt itself is in several layers of tulle , so it 's a bit poofy for my taste , but she said I could have it if I wanted to . It 's bought from a much criticized website ( alixpress . com ) , but the lace and beadwork was as good as the dresses I have tried on in the shops , which cost ten times more . My sister and I might have had our fights and our indifferences and even years of not talking , but seeing her walk down the isle got me thinking of how important family really is . And I 'm just so happy for her , her husband and the three kids , because now they are a complete family . On our way to the hotel I called my fiancé and told him he missed out on a huge thing today and he said " Yes , yes , I know , I wanted to see the twins as well . " But when I told him they had gotten married as well he said " Whaaaaaaat oh man I really missed out … " Yes , my dear . You really , really did .
|
It was a challenging read . However , the difficulty did not lay in struggling to believe the author 's account of her experience with Colin . Instead , I was forced to sit with the pain that came with remembering my time with this man and how all of his actions fit so neatly into the pattern of abuse described by the author . There was no relief in the realization that my gut instinct over our last few interactions had been correct . I met Colin through my highschool ecology teacher Will Kiendzior . We dedicated a class to showcase the myriad adventures Colin had been on in Costa Rica and Mexico . We were invited to embark on his annual trip with students from my highschool to Central America to explore and learn about his conservation efforts . Yesterday , before his website was taken down , I scrolled through all the pictures of former students , all about 16 years old . Some I knew personally . I wondered how many have had similarly alarming and abusive experiences with him . I felt sick to my stomach . Admittedly , it was not my time spent with Colin in Mexico that makes me uneasy . Though tainted now , I thoroughly enjoyed the trip . Still , I have a distinct memory of affection and praise with which he showered my best friend . He marveled at the symbols she drew in the sand , saying they were rich with meaning and that she was clearly in tune to something greater . After we got home , she spent weeks corresponding with Colin through email . I was envious of the attention she received . I was frustrated that he didn 't see that I too felt I had something deep , primal , and attuned to something beyond myself . Six years later I was in Israel when I received a message from Colin , telling me that I had been on his radar . He told me that he had been thinking of me for a long time but had hesitated to reach out . We made plans to see each other the next time he was back in Massachusetts . In the time before he made his return I began to confide in him about my history of depression and the difficult childhood that had led me there . In fact , I later posted a short series on this blog entitled " Letters to Colin " that I copied from those letters that unreservedly and unapologetically detailed my disjointed upbringing and early introduction to mental illness . It was clear that I sought to heal in some way and Colin appointed himself the one who could do it . It wasn 't long after that that he told me I was a woman coming into my power . He told me tales of my psychic ability . He urged me to travel with him , to allow him to teach me the ways of a healer . He spoke of Native American customs , of the medicine wheel , of shapeshifting . He told me that I simply hadn 't made love until both me and my partner had shifted into the form of a dolphin . He of course , was the one to teach me . I remember that he was hesitant that I wanted to bring my boyfriend the night I agreed to come to his house for a healing session . I remember that up to that point , and for some time after our messages on Facebook somehow made me uncomfortable . In nearly every message he told me how much he loved me and how beautiful I was . I pushed my misgivings aside . After all , Colin was a Healer and wanted to help me . I was certain that the issue lay within myself ; I wasn 't used to being loved so purely . I wasn 't being open . I needed him to heal me . I thought of the time I had heard that Colin had slept with a former classmate of mine , nearly 30 years his junior . I pushed the thought out of my head , convincing myself I did not understand the experience or the depth of Colin 's love and shamanic powers . Now , when I reread our messages and see how I exposed my vulnerability to him I am uneasy . I realize now that this was not a safe place ; his intentions were more sinister than I initially knew . While I thought I was seeking solace in a wizened old friend , I was playing squarely into the grooming tactics of a well - rehearsed predator . I believe that as humans , we all have a deep - seated desire to be seen . We feel that there is something more we can offer the world , if only we had the means to let that part of us out . And I imagine this is particularly true of women , as we frequently have to prove ourselves as worthy and capable in ways that men do not . Colin Garland , pseudo spiritual leader , has found the perfect way to prey on young women and girls via this innate human condition . He fancies himself a shaman and uses his influence to create a harem of women to exercise his manipulation , abuse , and assault . There are countless women who have had similar experiences with this wannabe cult leader . I am fortunate that my own did not escalate past this degree . Please consider the ties you have to this man and others who exhibit this behavior within your community . Two things happened that reminded me that as much as I speak out , as much as I push back , as much as I try to stand my ground , my body does not belong to me . Indeed , my desires are often irrelevant and my pleasure decided for me . It seems I was created for consumption . Unsurprisingly , one of these things happened at my job . The restaurant industry continues to be very successful in reminding women that we are mere objects to lust after and harass while breeding men to perpetuate this construct . The restaurant at which I work currently is one of the safest places I 've been employed . Still , it has its flaws , and it is no exception to the standard Kitchen Culture , despite the owners ' best efforts . This interaction marred our relationship , which had previously been friendly , if a bit superficial . As his vitriol refused to wane , so did my discomfort . I was frustrated , not only by being the recipient of such unwarranted venom simply for having a life and relationships outside of my workplace , but by Chris 's manner of ascertaining the details of my life . Never did he speak to me about my feelings or ideas or aspirations or experiences . To him , I was not a sentient being , but a plaything that belonged to someone else . Over the course of the next few weeks his anger did not subside ; it reared its head when I checked my phone for texts or mentioned Matthew near him . But as Chris 's resentment refused to wane , so too did his unwelcome advances . For every scowl there was a plea : " I 'll be good to you . Come on . I 'll treat you right . " The irony was lost on him . Soon his words and glances no longer satisfied him . One day he came up behind me and begged in earnest for me to allow him to grab my hips . His hands pinched the air as I quickly moved away and gave him a sharp , impatient , " No ! " Not long after this incident I found myself trapped by the ice machine as he rubbed his ass on my waitressing apron to the beat of the song playing in the cafe . My threats were immediate and fierce . Still , as he ran to the other side of the kitchen , I was left alone by that ice machine , overtaken by my sense of powerlessness to these situations . Last week I woke up next to my boyfriend . In the dim morning light our still - sleepy hands found each other 's bodies as we kissed the night from our lips . Slowly , but not without certainty , Matthew worked his way from my mouth , to my neck , to my breasts , and continued downward . Matthew rolled over , taken aback by my sudden fury . I sat for a moment , aware that his questioning stemmed from a place of naivete and not one of dominance or ill will . I knew his eagerness and commitment to my pleasure and that this situation , poorly handled as it may have been , was a result of that . I sighed , softening a bit , as my hand traced the the curve of his back . I go to work , where I get harassed . I am leered at all day by my some of my coworkers . Then , I walk down the street and get catcalled and harassed in Central Square in Cambridge . Isn 't this supposed to be some sort of fucking liberal bastion ? Next , I go home , and my own boyfriend doesn 't want to take no for an answer . Tell me : when do I get to have autonomy over my own body ? When ? ! " Regret filled his eyes and his apologies were the heartfelt words of someone who has gained new understanding . He laced his fingers through mine as he voiced his last concern , " But babe , that stuff about work ? I thought that had stopped . " On August 15 , 2013August 15 , 2013 By lustygluttonIn bad writing , dickhead , family , healing , I know what I 'm talking about , letters to colin , personalLeave a comment There wasn 't really a lot else that happened during my middle childhood . My mom eventually got off the smack . I asked her about it once when I was older and she explained that my grandparents always assumed that once they took me away my mom would realize that she was destroying her life and get clean so she could have me back . Apparently it did the opposite ; once she lost me she lost everything and there was no point to getting back on track . She told me that we used to high five or cross our little fingers together or something because we were a team . I don 't remember that , but I believe it and it makes me sad . When I was in second grade I noticed that my family wasn 't normal . We were young and basically everyone had a standard nuclear family at that point . Plenty of divorces and hardships came later , but when we were only 8 I felt like I was the odd one out . Although I hadn 't seen my father in years , I was in touch with my grandparents on his side of the family and they gave me his number . I 'm not sure what they expected to have happen … they were also only barely in touch with him . I called him up one night while I was still living at my grandmother 's house . He answered and as I didn 't recognize his voice , I asked for him by name . I told him who it was and he asked me , " Marie who ? " " Your daughter , " I told him . He mumbled , " I 'm sorry , " and hung up . Wailing , I tried to call him back . My grandmother stood nearby and furiously got on the phone . His roommate answered and told her that my father wasn 't there . She shouted at him and I don 't remember the rest . That was my first heartbreak , I think . And the first time I can distinctly remember feeling unwanted , although I don 't think I could have put words to it at the time . And that became a pretty rampant theme in my life . I didn 't really know it until about a year ago , but I think I was a pretty unhappy child . I remember crying a lot . Too much , I think . I wrote a song in fifth grade about my fire burning out or something , which is sort of standard adolescent angst , but it got to me sort of young . I " ran away " when I was little too . Basically that meant that I would pack a bag of cookies and a box of bandaids and go sulk under the tree across the street . Otherwise , when I was feeling heavy , and I have felt that way ever since I was quite young , I would climb a tree or sit on a big rock and just feel the sun and the wind . I liked to imagine I was Pocahontas . One time I heard someone describe someone else as being a " free spirit " and I wanted so badly for someone to see that in me too . My mother was around , eventually . She visited me and took me along on her trips to the methadone clinic . Sometimes she lived with my uncle in Colrain . Sometimes he lived with me and my grandparents and cleaned the house for money . She might have had friends . She worked a night job and eventually got her own place in Shelburne Center . I visited on weekends . I remember that I told her once I only wanted to visit every other week . I 'm not sure why I decided that . It must have broken her heart . She had a dumb boyfriend at the time . His name was Bill and he was a straight up cliche redneck . He was dumb as rocks and drank too much beer . He knocked my mom up too , which was a surprise to everyone because he had declared himself sterile . Turns out he just thought that because he wore really tight jeans . The two of them broke up before my little sister was born and I was sad to not be able to go to his brother 's farm anymore . After Michelle was born my grandparents relented and let my mother have me indefinitely . I don 't think the custody was officially changed for another year , so I still had to have my grandparents sign all my permission slips for school , and I think my mother is still bitter about that . I think it was only about 5 months later that we moved into the house in Buckland . I remember that it was on one of the very first days I was in fourth grade that we moved and I couldn 't find the right bus and I cried . We moved into a ranch house off of Elm St . It was a tiny dead end street called Harmony Lane . It was like some kind of terribly ironic foreshadowing . You can 't make this shit up . My very oldest memory is from when I was two years old . I 've since figured out that it was probably in December of 1991 . My parents were getting divorced . We lived in a condo in Turners Falls and I still remember where we had the kitchen table , the bookshelf , the couch . The kitchen , the second bathroom . This night I was playing next to the bookshelf that stood against the wall between the dining room and the living room . My parents were at the kitchen table across from each other and the light was dim . My mother stood up , I think she was crying . My father stayed seated . She walked towards me and I remember that I must have been very small , because as she came to me I remember only seeing to her thigh . In my memories she was wearing shorts , which doesn 't make sense if this was happening in December . Maybe it was just an earlier fight . They are dysfunctional people . Likely , they were fighting all the time . I don 't have really any memories of my dad after that . I 've tried and tried for years to come up with something . Sometimes I think I remember playing with him in the big raked - up pile of leaves in the fall , but as I 've grown older I 've become more aware that that memory is fabricated from a certain set of photographs I 've gotten my hands on . The pictures didn 't wake anything up ; they just put an idea in my head . I can remember one other time I saw him as a small child and it was after he moved out . He came by to visit me and read me a bedtime story . I was being difficult , as kids always are at bedtime , and I remember him scolding me with my full name : " June Marie Billiel ! " This has stuck with me all my life and I 'm not sure if it 's because it 's the first time I understood that that was my full name , which is sort of strangely profound in itself , or if it is the first time the tone in which my name was being said was harsh enough to stick with me . Maybe both . I 'm pretty sure that my mom used to tell me that my dad never ever came to visit me after he moved out . She 's close to right , if my memory is to be trusted . But I remember this one time pretty clearly . But who knows , maybe he was just there to pick something up or to fight with my mom or to sign a divorce paper . I guess I always just assumed he was there to visit me , even though I don 't have any real reason for thinking that . Somewhere along the line my mom met this guy named Eric . My grandmother told me that I used to call him Dad . We drove down to Florida with him and a cooler full of sandwiches and lived there for almost a year , I think . I have no idea what he did for work or how my mother met him or anything like that . I remember very little about him , really . I vaguely remember his face and I remember that he used to take me fishing out in back of the condo we lived in . Sometimes we had to run back inside the house because there was an alligator that would come by and hang out on the beach from time to time . I 'm pretty sure we never caught anything . One time I was holding a cracker in my hand and a duck came over and bit my finger . Another time we walked along the beach and I found a coconut and took it home and painted it . I kept that damn thing for years , even after we had moved back to Mass and even after I moved to my grandparent 's house . Now that I have to be careful about acquiring too many things it seems insane to me that my family let me keep packing it and bringing it everywhere . We were in Florida for hurricane season too . Eric and my mom duct taped up the windows and the sliding glass door but somehow my mom still thought that she should bring me to preschool the next day . Of course my school was closed , and I still have the image of her running up to the building while I sat in the car so that she could read the sign on the door . Seems stupid to me now , and dangerous too . Who knows what she was thinking . Anyway , things were fine with Eric as far as I knew as a four year old , which is admittedly not very far . One day he and my mom got in a fight . He threw her through the screen door and I was standing right in the room . She got back up and came inside and told me to call the police . As she got back up Eric shoved her into this little desk my grandfather had built for me . I asked my mom what the number to the police was because I didn 't know about 911 yet and Eric came over and ripped the phone straight out of the wall . Next I remember my mom checking out the huge gash she had up her legs from being thrown into my desk , but it was days later . Did the neighbors call the cops ? Was Eric arrested ? Why else would we have still been in that house ? I don 't know . I don 't even remember sound from that time . I remember only that I was supposed to call the police and I imagine that my mom yelled it at me . But I 'm sure there should have been screams and that Eric would have been shouting too but I can 't recall a damn thing . Was I afraid ? I don 't even know what I felt , although I 'm sure it 's in my head somewhere . We left after that , although I don 't know how quickly it happened . When we got back it was winter . My grandparents owned the place we had lived in Turners and apparently it was just the same as we had left it . I don 't remember having to move any furniture back , although that could just be a flaw in my memory . I do remember that as soon as we got back we had to shovel all the snow off of the deck and I had this little red shovel that in retrospect was probably useless , but I helped my mom all the same . Eric showed up again around my 4th birthday . I was sitting at the kitchen table eating dinner or cake or something and my mom had gone upstairs when he peered through the window and waved at me . I ran over to let him in and then I have no idea what happened . I never saw him again though , as far as I can remember . There was this guy named Russ . I don 't know where he came from , but my mom always pegged him as the one who introduced her to heroin . I 'm not sure when or where or how it started , but I learned later that my mom has always had a thing for painkillers , although I don 't actually think she 's entirely aware that she abuses them . Anyway , she used to tell me that even the first time she shot up she had a high tolerance , and I suspect her previous opiate misuse was to blame . Our lives quickly descended into madness . I can 't even really piece together everything that happened in a real timeline , but I know that for a couple of years our lives consisted of driving to Holyoke late at night and sometimes crashing on random people 's floors . We bought groceries with bad checks I wasn 't allowed to answer the phone anymore because there were always bill collectors and maybe even cops calling . I don 't know if the police part is true , but as a little girl that 's what I thought was happening . There were always people in our house and sometimes I 'd come downstairs in the morning and my mom and a bunch of people would just be passed out on the living room floor . One morning I came down and the news was playing while Russ and my mother dozed in front of the tv . I woke my mother up and asked her if I could change the channel . After she said yes I changed the channel to cartoons and Russ abruptly woke up . He snapped that he had been watching the tv and smacked me across the face . Hard . Truthfully , I don 't remember his hand connecting to my cheek , but I can say with complete certainty that that 's what happened . I have a memory that immediately proceeded this : my mother running with me up the stairs trying to get away from him . There was yelling and when we got to the top of the stairs and Russ was still behind us so my mom turned around and pushed him down the stairs . My mother is a small woman , especially on an opiate binge , and Russ was not a small guy . I think this was the kind of adrenaline - fueled Mama strength you hear about . Mom locked us in the bathroom and although I don 't know how we got out or we got Russ away , I can remember her sitting on the toilet , just peeing and crying . Everything else is a bit foggy . I have mostly glimpses : my mom shutting her bedroom door in my face with a syringe in her hand ; driving hours and hours back and forth from New Hampshire to buy cartons of cigarettes and back down to Holyoke to sell them for enough profit to get a fix . We had something like 100 tag sales to help with this new found expense too . A few lovely pieces handmade by my grandfather were lost this way . I had some shitty kids to play with nearby . There were two kids whose dad sometimes went to jail who lived next door to me . The girl was a little too old to really care about me , but the son , Matt would often play power rangers with me in the woods behind our houses . There was a little frog pond across the street too . There was this super old tiny graveyard and then down behind it was the pond . Sometimes I would catch frogs and then bring them home and put them in my kiddie pool . One time I came home and couldn 't find the frog that had been happily swimming around when I left . I asked Matt if he had seen my frog and he led me to two cinder blocks . He lifted the top one up and showed me the remains of my frog that he had crushed . To this day , this makes me feel sick to talk about . I 'm still not sure if this was just classic destructive boy behavior or if this kid was a little sick , but if I listen to my gut I have to say it 's the latter . Maybe it 's that I 'm older and jaded now , but when I look back i just think the whole cul de sac was poisoned . I also made friends with an elderly lady at the end of the row named Margarite . After I lived with my grandparents sometimes we would go to the condo and do work on the house . I went to visit her each time and then one day someone told me she didn 't live there anymore . I don 't think anybody explained to me that she , or really that anyone , died . But somehow I am sure I knew . Maybe I could smell it . Maybe it was just the air . Too still . There was also a lady right next door who I befriended . Her name was Gina and my mother hated her . I learned later that she was a social worker . Go figure . She was a good one though . One weekend I went to my grandparents ' house while my mom went off to party . I 'm told that she asked when she should come pick me up and they told her that I was going to be living with them from then on . I don 't know how I felt about this . I have a vague idea that I asked my grandmother a few times when mom was coming back and she kept telling me I would be with them , " a few more days . " Then I was meeting the principal at BSE and he gave me a stuffed panda bear to hold overnight before my first day in kindergarten at my new school . I don 't believe the whole transition could have been as painless as I remember it , but who knows . During dinner one of the first nights there I confessed to my grandparents about some of the goings - on with my mother in the previous week . I guess they must have been quizzing me , but I only really remember talking to my mom on the corded kitchen phone after dinner and telling her , " I told Gram and Gramp about Wednesday , " and apologizing . She told me it was okay . I guess she must have known it was a lost cause at that point . On April 4 , 2013April 4 , 2013 By lustygluttonIn dickhead , family , I know what I 'm talking about , oh snap human nature , personal , UncategorizedLeave a comment I 've said it before : my life has often felt like nothing but a series of people leaving me . I 've sought counsel in a number of places , all with limited success . Somehow I always find that my connections with these people are temporary and I am often left sitting with a good deal of disappointment . In my adult life I have learned to be self - reliant and to lean on these relationships less than I felt I needed to in my adolescence . I am aware , however , that this is not entirely a result of my own growth , so much as it is the result of many difficult lessons that have trained me well . I have become very accustomed to the people I relied on slipping away and leaving me to fend for myself . To be clear , this has never been a demonstration of tough love . Over and over I was left simply because it was easier for these people to do so . One of the most devastating losses I experienced was that of my uncle . Although he had been a somewhat regular part of my life as a child , he did not become so critically important to me until the few months following my fourteenth birthday . I truly don 't think there was any specific reason for my sudden connection to him . I imagine he enjoyed - or was at least amused by - my love of combat boots and band t - shirts , and for some reason that struck a chord that resonated deeply : Uncle Adam gets me . Uncle Adam is not my mother . Uncle Adam will save me . For a while this was true . I tried hard to use him as my friend and mentor . I called him when my mother was pushing my limits - which was often . From time to time he would even drive to our house and take me to his for the weekend where I would relax with him and his girlfriend , Emily . These escapes were monumental to me . I found that we liked similar music . He let me have a beer . He showed me the marijuana plant in his closet . One night he cooked the most amazing steak I had ever tasted - still rare and bloody - and he and his girlfriend shared it with me while we stayed up late and laughed . I sipped his scotch and was blissfully certain that they understood me . We retired to the deck to smoke a joint . I was in heaven . I was sure Uncle Adam would save me . Months passed and his girlfriend introduced me to her close friend Alena . I began regularly babysitting her children and we quickly bonded . She thought I was bright and I felt that I had made a new connection , guiding me safely through the instability that was living with my mother . I had no idea how correct I would be . Away from the knowledge of my family and even of me , Alena and Emily discussed my living situation at length . They lamented my having to endure my borderline , unfit mother , calling my life a " Cinderella story . " Quietly , they planned to take me under their wing and fix what seemed to be an inevitably disastrous adolescence . Both were aware that I desperately needed a way out of my mother 's unfathomably unhealthy home , and they were also wise to the intense rift this would cause in my close - knit , skeleton - hoarding family . Alena , recently divorced and with new - found space in her house , offered to temporarily take in the girl of whom she had become so fond , and thereby absorb the blows of a family who detested anyone who rocked the boat . Ultimately , I was to live with my uncle , his girlfriend , and their respective children . This , of course , never came to be . The July of my fifteenth birthday , I could no longer bear living with and being subjected to the volatile and mentally unstable whims of my mother . After having considered her offer for a solid eight months , I asked Alena if it was still on the table . After getting her confirmation , I wrote my mother a letter and found myself in my new home a mere ten days later . As it happened , the day I moved was my beloved Uncle Adam 's birthday . After an extensive process involving my mother and our therapists , Alena and I made a late - afternoon trip up to his house to update Emily on our circumstances . My uncle was at work , but I made sure to leave him the gift I had bought with the money I had managed to save from babysitting . He had once told me of a certain CD he had always loved but was disappointed to have lost years before . I had been ecstatic when I found it at our local record shop , and I waited anxiously for the enthusiastic thank you that never came . Nothing came , actually . I had no idea at the time , but my move had begun to pull apart the threads of my family 's years - long tradition to endure and suffer its discordance silently , always letting the blind eye rule . In doing so , I had set myself on a fast - paced course to what became my own shunning . In hindsight , the immediate distance my uncle took from me should have been a clear sign . But I was a child , and witlessly I continued to call , despite my messages never being returned . Soon after , Emily withdrew from Alena , citing a sudden previously - nonexistent empathy for my mother . This is not to say that I never saw them again . For the first year after my move there were still a number of family dinners to attend , each more uncomfortable than the last . In my hurt , I tried hard to ignore my uncle 's presence . Truthfully , I have never been one who is able to maintain a steely gaze and pursed lips in an awkward situation , and this was no different . As my uncle knelt by my grandfather 's blue recliner , where I had attempted to take refuge , I was horrified to find myself smirk . His words , feigning victimization , were biting . The jeer in his tone was not lost on me . I shrank into the chair as he needled me , wishing he would leave . Over dinner , I made sure to find seats away from my mother and uncle . Emily 's voice , high - pitched in its phoniness , dominated the conversation . Her eyebrows arched high above her wide eyes as she announced , " Adam likes a lot of things ! " My family murmured in superficial interest . I stayed silent . It was only a few months after this dinner that my family stopped speaking to me altogether . I was heartbroken to lose contact with my grandparents , but the worth of my relationship with Adam and Emily had withered months before . The loss still pained me , but I had long grown accustomed to their absence . One bright summer day I found myself walking a few blocks from my home when I heard a familiar voice calling my name . The voice was singsong ; mocking . I looked up to see my uncle and his girlfriend sitting on a nearby roof . He had recently begun a slate roofing company and it shouldn 't have caught me by surprise that he was in my neighborhood . Years went by and our relationship was never repaired . I tolerated him and Emily , but even after things began to heal with my mother , my warmth for my uncle remained missing . We did not reach out to each other and they refused to let me partake in any of the preparation for holiday meals , despite my enthusiasm to do so . Whether or not they were oblivious , the strain between us never lifted . Three years ago my grandmother died , and with her so did the reign of her generation in my family . My mother , now bereft of both her parents , quickly began to spiral downward , her grief flecked with symptoms of her mental illness . My great uncle died soon after , and in an unfortunate course of events , his funeral was held on what would have been my grandmother 's 76th birthday . My mother stood in the basement of the church weeping silently . She moved slowly , as though her body was that of an elderly woman : twisted and painful . Her eyes glazed over as she whimpered and stared unseeingly at everyone in the room . Furious , I watched as my aunt , now grieving the deaths of both her husband and sister , went to my mother 's side , comforting with her strong arms and voice . My uncle caught my eye and looked at me knowingly , Emily smiled gently and suggested that the three of us have a movie night sometime . I smiled as minimally as was acceptable and gave a noncommittal , " sure . " I scowled as I walked away , angry at their sudden interest in helping to buffer the difficulties that my mother 's illness presented . There had been a time that I , as a child , had desperately needed them to fill this role . As a young adult , I felt that what they were offering me was both too little and too late . This deflection of their negligible efforts was the first step in severing contact with them altogether . The question was strange to me . Was I going to tell anyone ? Of course I was . This was rich . Juicy . How could I commit to keeping information this amazing to myself ? I couldn 't . And I don 't believe I should have to do so . My relationship with this boy was rocky at best . I spent five years chasing after him , despite his boredom after two . The second half of our relationship was violent : dotted with hateful messages , disgusted words of rage shouted in tearful faces , negligence , suspicion , and bruised egos . We slammed doors and always went for the jugular . I feel as though I spent months crumpled on the floor , nursing a broken heart . I was no saint . But I was naive and hopeful ; I made myself solely available to him and I was unrelentingly patient . He did not hesitate to exploit that . Again and again I forgave and attempted to fix our damaged dynamic . Again and again my efforts were punished . And now I have learned that he 's a stripper at a nearby gay club that encourages full - frontal nudity . I still can 't fully wrap my head around it . My ex boyfriend , the one with the permanent scowl is a stripper ? He refused to so much as say hello to my friends , but he gives men he just met private attention in a back room ? For years he criticized people who made money off of their bodies : strippers , prostitutes , those in the pornography industry , and even models , all received the same response . This is some kind of spectacular about face . I am bewildered . I am delighted . I have not laughed so hard in weeks . Naturally , I did what any better - off ex - girlfriend would do : I took a few of my friends to his club for drinks . Contrary to the list of performers for the night , he was not there . In hindsight , I am glad . Not only am I entirely disinterested in seeing my ex nude , which is something I had previously neglected to consider , but my streak of vindictiveness was fleeting . At the time , I was intoxicated by the idea of handing him a dollar bill , my smirk saying everything my words could not . The next morning , however , I was embarrassed by my attempt to make him uncomfortable . I have made it abundantly clear that I do not want him to come to my job , whether or not I am working . I have apologized for my hypocrisy . But to keep his secret ? That 's another beast altogether . Our mutual friend has been pleading with me . But the facts are these : I have already told a good many people within my circle , and what they do with the information is beyond me . Additionally , I simply don 't feel as though I owe my ex anything at all . He was tirelessly awful to me for years , and it would be shockingly presumptuous for him to expect me to hold my tongue solely to benefit him . I cannot tolerate someone demanding my respect after deliberately showing me none . Having to lie in the bed you made is never an easy lesson , but in this case I have no sympathy . If I refrain from telling more people about my ex 's secret identity , it will not be out of respect for him . I recognize that I hold a lot of power in this situation , and I hope my ex is nothing short of grateful that I am not abusing it . Truly , though , I am disinterested in the power I have . My choices in this matter are only a reflection of who I am as a person , and nothing else . I have no desire to spitefully tell his father or anyone else that he is keeping this from . But it is not related to him ; it 's because I have never been intent on making things more difficult for people . I can think of thousands of things I would rather be doing than trying to ruin someone 's life . Especially someone of whom I am so happy to be rid . On another note , I don 't actually think there 's anything wrong with being a stripper . I know that my ex isn 't doing it for any financial reasons ; he is well - educated and well - paid . I am uncertain why it is then , that he is ashamed of this weekend job . I tend to be pretty sex - positive and more than anything , I 'm confused by his out - of - character , seemingly - shameful double life . The lesson here , I think , is that you shouldn 't do things that you feel worried about and ashamed of doing . If this weren 't the case , then my actions would weigh absolutely nothing . The other lesson , of course , is that you should maybe not be horrible to your girlfriend . Luckily for this one , I 'm pretty put - together and I don 't act maliciously . But really , don 't ever try to demand my respect .
|
Now that I think about it 30 years later , it was funny , but it wasn 't at the time . My first son had a hard time accepting the fact that he had to share his home with his little sister . When they were both very young my daughter came running into house screaming and crying . I asked her what was wrong , but she couldn 't speak . I interrogated her brother . He said that he took a board and put it across a log and told his sister to stand on one end . He then climbed on top of the dog house and jumped onto the other end of the board and she went flying . I was furious . I yelled at him and asked why he would do such a thing . He said , " But , you wouldn 't believe how high she went ! " Late one spring night , my daughter Elizabeth woke us up with screams of " Fire ! The house in on fire ! " My wife and I got up and walked into the hallway , which was filled with smoke . We got our youngest son Erich from his bedroom and the four of us descended through the thick smoke and out of the house . But when we got there Elizabeth was missing . I was told that Elizabeth had gone back inside to get her cat . I went back into the house , calling her name , and went to her room . I couldn 't see anything so I felt around and kept calling out her name . She didn 't answer and I couldn 't find her . I had to crawl down the stairs and back out of the house . To my surprise , there she was with the others on the sidewalk . Still one missing ! Our oldest son had a bedroom on the first floor in the back of the house . I sent the family to our neighbor 's house and went to find him . I ran to the back of the house and to the outside of the missing son 's room screaming his name . I smashed out a window with my fist and tried to climb in , but the heat and smoke drove me back . I broke through another window , thinking that the smoke would go out the other window , and tried to climb in again but was driven back . All I could do was stand there screaming his name . At that time someone found me and told me that he had been at a friend 's house and was heading home . I then went to the front of the house and just stood looking , wanting to do something . A neighbor pulled me away and brought me to his house where I found my family being cared for . They were covered with soot and looked awful . An ambulance took us to the hospital and we were given oxygen . We were told that the Red Cross had arranged a motel room for us for the night , so we found our way there . We showered and didn 't sleep , but sat around trying to grasp what had happened . The next morning at dawn , I went back to the house . One cat had died in the fire and one was unaccounted for . The house , garage , and the two cars that were parked next to the house were in ruins . We spent the next two nights at one neighbor 's house . Another neighbor offered us the use of her house for following week , while her family went on vacation . After that we moved into a motel . We hunted for a local place to live so that the children could go to the same school and have the same neighborhood friends , but couldn 't find one . Dear reader , this was a very tough time for us . Yours truly was at the end of his rope . I could see that the family desperately needed a place to settle down , but I couldn 't find a place to live . By chance , I remembered that a nearby church owned the vacant house next to it . One night as it was raining , I went to see the congregation of the church during their bible study night . I sat in the back to wait until they were done . They stopped their study and asked if I needed help . I said yes , but that I preferred to wait until they were done . When they were done , I asked who I should talk to about the house and was directed to the deacon . I presented my case and he said he would think about it . His wife was there and looked me in the eyes . After a short pause she said that we could live there . The deacon just looked at her and said , " I guess that 's it then " . They drove away and I started to walk back to my car . Suddenly , for no reason , my legs gave way and I dropped to my knees . I knelt there in the rain crying from relief . We moved in the next day . The entire Town rallied to our side . People gave clothing , furniture and money . One man even gave us his car . I remember that when I thanked him that he said , " We 're all connected right ? " The local school children collected cans to raise money for us , and the local stores had jars to gather donations . One neighbor arranged for a local television station to air our story and gather donations . Everyone gave . About three weeks after the fire , I was driving through the village . A man was sitting in a stalled truck at the intersection , blocking traffic . I pulled over , and we pushed his truck off the road . I had jumper cables with me and we were able to start the truck . He told me that he was from another state and had just bought the truck and he was headed home . He pointed at a car that had pulled up near us , and I could see what I presumed were his wife and child waiting in it . They looked tired and hungry and so did he . He was concerned that the truck would stall out again . I gave him the jumper cables and told him that if he was ever in the neighborhood again , he could drop them off . He asked where he could drop them off . I pointed at my burned down house and said , " Well , I used to live there , but you can drop them at my neighbors house right there . " About a month later , my neighbor gave me those jumper cables back . She said that when the man dropped them off , he started crying . Apparently , he was overwhelmed by the fact that I would give him something after I had lost everything else . Four weeks after the fire , I was where the burned house stood and was planning the new one . I was talking to my son , and started talking about the cats that we had lost . I was talking about one of the cats , mentioning him by name . This very same cat suddenly appeared out of nowhere and sheepishly came to us . He was very frightened . We brought him back to the family and he settled in with us . We decided to put up a modular home where the old home had stood . A modular home is assembled in one day , the various parts of the house fit together like giant Lego pieces lifted into place by a crane onto a prepared foundation . The night before it was to be assembled , I received a call that my mother had passed away . I drove across the state to where she lived , just to be near where she had been . When I got back home , they had assembled the house , and my family took pictures of the event for me . After one month we were able to move in . We lost a cat and all of our possessions in that fire . Some of them were precious . Family pictures , heirlooms , children 's keepsakes . But we saved the most important things ; life and hope . If you have those , everything else will work out . Whenever I tell anyone that I delivered each of my three children , I get an odd look . When my wife , Barbara , became pregnant with our first child , she was determined to have the child delivered in a birthing - room , which was a novelty at the time . For those unfamiliar with this term , a birthing - room is different than the usual room where one gives birth at a hospital . Instead of the cold , clinical room where this event usually takes place , a birthing - room , which is also in a hospital , has a regular bed , an easy chair or couch , a television , and perhaps a refrigerator . The idea is to make the person giving birth as comfortable as possible . Unfortunately for us , the nearest hospital that had a birthing room was in the next state , two and one - half hours away . During the drive to the first visit with the obstetrician , I was informed that this doctor was famous for allowing expectant fathers to be present during the birth . I figured that being present during the birth was the least I could do . During the meeting that we had with the doctor , he asked if I wanted to deliver the child , with him present . This was a new concept that he was trying to foster . His rationale was that the mother carried the baby , gave birth to it , fed it , and the inevitable result was that mother and child would naturally bond . By having the father deliver the child , the father is expected to feel that he has been part of the process , and consequently , bond with the infant and child better than if he had not . The doctor asked me if I was interested . I said I would do it because the due date was so distant that I thought that they would forget that I had said I would . They didn 't . I told my mother what I was going to do and she told me that when she was giving birth , my father hid in the woods . When I told my father , he said I was crazy . Because of the distance from the hospital to our home , I was given books on emergency child birth . I studied them . We took Lamaze classes . Lamaze is intended to involve the father in the pregnancy and make the birthing process easier for the mother . I 'll tell you now that it didn 't work for Barbara . Pain - killers would have worked , but she had planned on a drug - free birth . One day after work Barbara told me that she was having contractions and that it was time to drive to the hospital . Actually , she had been having contractions all day and had waited for me to get home . We made the drive to the hospital , settled into the room , and as she was having the very painful contractions , I tried my Lamaze skills out . Either Lamaze doesn 't work or I was doing something wrong . I blame it on the former . I did my best to comfort her , but it didn 't help . I confess that I spent the rest of the night watching old World War I movies on the television in the room . She had contractions all night . There was much screaming and every now and then a nurse would come in , or my wife would send me to get the nurse , who would come in , take a look and say that it wasn 't time yet . If there had been woods nearby , I would have made a run for it . In the hours just before dawn , it was finally time . The doctor showed up and told me to put on a gown , scrub my hands and follow his instructions , which I did . After the head emerged , he said that the umbilical cord was wrapped around the infant 's neck , and he guided me through unwrapping it , and we finally had the successful birth of a boy . I have failed to mention that my wife is as tough as nails . After a couple of hours she announced that it was time to go home and we did . On the way , we stopped beside a stream ; she sat on a rock and held the new baby while I took a picture . The baby 's name was Mark . For the second child we went to the same hospital and used the same doctor . When it was time , my brave wife told me that it was time to go and we drove to the hospital . We were told that tFor our third child , Barbara decided to use a midwife and have the baby at home . The closest one lived over an hour away . During a snowstorm in the middle of winter , in the middle of the night , Barbara announced that it was time . She called the midwife who arrived two hours later with a nurse in tow . In the meantime , I was told to take the other two children to their grandmother 's house . My wife had told the midwife that I would be performing the delivery . This did not sit well with the midwife . She tried to get me out of the way by making me ill . She said that if you fried the afterbirth with onions , it tasted great . I turned green and got nauseous , but I didn 't leave the room . I delivered that baby too . His name was Erich . Here 's what I learned . My wife is a very , very tough person . If men had to suffer through pregnancy and give birth , no children would be born . Finally , if you have a chance to be present during the birth of a child , do it . Curt Struna Recently , my 7 - year - old daughter made a mailbox out of paper and taped it to the outside of her room . I began using this as an opportunity to send her notes of love and encouragement . So , at various times of the day , without her seeing me , I would sneak a note into her mailbox . That night , I put in a note for her to find in the morning . I awoke the next morning with my daughter jumping on my bed saying , " How did you do it Mommy ? I got a letter from you in the night ! " Excited , she busied herself in making a paper mailbox for me , taping it to the outside of my room . And the written communication began in earnest . Notes of love continued through the week . Two days ago , I bought her a small toy while we were out shopping together . We came home and after supper , she quickly disappeared saying , " Don 't come into my room , Mommy . " Knowing that she was working on some little project , I busied myself washing the dishes and cleaning up . Excitedly , my daughter then appeared saying , " There 's a letter in your mailbox ! " And as we went to my mailbox together , I could see a rolled up piece of blue paper sticking out . Unrolling the paper , I read her crayoned message : " Dear Mommy , I love you . Thank you for the toy . But just becuse you got me a toy dose not mane I love you more than I did be for . I could never tell you how much I love you . " Eighteen years ago I stood looking at you - fresh - born - through the big glass window in the hospital nursery , watching the nurses try to count your tiny toes . Minutes old , you were bright - red - screaming - at - the - top - of - your - lungs unbounded life , squirming and kicking in every direction - quite a challenge to those toe - counting nurses . How I wanted to reach through the window , to be closer to you as you celebrated your newfound freedom . From behind the glass , I breathed a promise : I would never stand in the way of your freedom . « Continue reading » First day of school was this week ! I am always excited to pick up the kindergarteners after their first day . Not only do I get the honor of experiencing their excitement but I usually see children that went to my school at one time that now are in " big school . " Monday I got a thrill when I saw a kindergartener that had gone to my school from when he was 2 yrs to when he turned 4 . He was so excited to see me and with the biggest eyes ever , he said " Mrs . Jami , I thought I would never see you again " and gave me the tightest hug . I teared up as this exchange reminded me as early childhood teachers we are not just preparing them for " big school " we are building relationships and memories that don 't go away when they leave us . Our time with them is their first experience with being in school and my hope is that I am providing wonderful memories for my little friends as well as a love of school that last forever even if they " never see me again . " 3 people like this post . Like coal miners , parents plunge deep into dark and untrammeled spaces , searching for nuggets of goodness and truth along the way . And sometimes , like coalminers , we get lost . We hit a dead end . And the canary chirping happily in it 's swinging cage , goes silent . This summer , I lost my way as a parent . Between moving and leading a top - to - bottom renovation of our new apartment , between writing grant applications and taking care of legal issues related to my nonprofit , I took a few wrong turns , caught up in the To Do 's and Didn 't Do 's scratched onto my notepad . Thankfully I have not one , but two canaries on my shoulders . When they stopped tweeting , I knew it was time to pause and reevaluate . « Continue reading » Perhaps it was the beauty of the day with its cool pre - summer breeze and sunny afternoon , but most likely it was the picking of the pretty yellow flowers in the backyard that prompted the sudden proposal . " Mom , let 's get married , " he said holding the big bunch of yellow beauties . A few days before , I had noticed the shock of yellow in the corner of our backyard that we refer to as " the swamp " . I knew it was some kind of weed , but I had no idea the magnitude of it until I was right up on it . It grew high and had coiled , thick , purplish vines with the sweetest little yellow flowers with orange centers . I had asked Riley about coming with me to cut the flowers and he happily agreed . We grabbed a scissors from the kitchen and meandered our way to the swamp avoiding doggy land mines to reach the mammoth weed . He didn 't know , nor did he care what it was , he was just as enamored with the yellow flowers as I was . And , I suppose , that is was prompted his desire to wed . So , there it was , actually the third proposal of my life ( but that 's another whole story ! ) and I thought , do I decline ? « Continue reading » Site Sponsor We want to thank CompleteReviews . net for sponsoring this site . They make it possible for us to provide our inspirational content free of advertisements . Their site is a perfect resource for parents needing to find the best background check options on the internet to help keep your family safe !
|
Our progress was slow but the driver felt the necessity of urging his steeds , for night would settle early in the darkening woods . What a beautiful sight they were in the sunlight . Every branch and twig and every needle of the tall pines as well as those of smaller growth seemed loaded with diamonds . The air was still and there was little sound save the sound of the sleigh bells and the tinkling of the icicles as we drove among the glittering masses of evergreens . When within 5 miles of our destination we found the trustees and sent out men and the way was cleared , and we sped on faster , arriving at Mr . Staple 's about 7 o ' clock , having enjoyed a wonderful ride . But Oh ! How tired we were . The continual bobbing of the head to avoid the icy branches was in itself tiring and I am sure the faithful steeds were tired and well deserved the best of care . Mrs . Stables , a woman of about 40 years , received me kindly and made me comfortable ; but that evening as I sat in a rocking chair I closed my eyes and I could see the glittering evergreens . They seemed photographed on my brain but a good supper and an early bed rested me and I was able in the morning to begin my work in the schoolroom . Mr . Staples , like many others in Minnesota , was a lumberman from Maine , attracted by the large forests of pine . He intended leaving his family in one of the larger towns and going into the woods with a crew of men in the winter , but his wife , who was a wise and loyal woman , said , " My Husband , I am going too " . So , he took up some land , partly timbered with hardwood , that would answer for a farm and built a large commodious house of lumber for his family and such other buildings needed for a farm , and settled his family there in comfort . The lumber camp was about 5 miles father on in the heavier pine . Mr . Staples came home every Saturday night and sometimes during the week , so communication was frequent between the house and the camp . Other lumbermen called sometimes on their way to and from the heavy timber and as Mr . Staples also kept the post office , there was often callers for the mail but the actual settlers were only 4 families in number . My school only numbered 5 pupils . They were from two families . Three of the children were from Mr . Staples ' . He had built a schoolroom large enough for the need and it was very comfortable . It was only a few yards from the dwelling house . The pupils from the Staples were Elizabeth , aged 15 , Silas , aged 13 and King , aged 10 years ; and two other pupils , a girl of 12 and a boy of 9 ; a small number but very interesting . Mr . Staple 's family had had good advantages and were well advanced for their ages . Mr . & Mrs . Staples had two other children but not of school age . George , a boy of 2 years , and Forest , a baby of 3 months . They were all bright and intelligent and none of the pupils were dull . I had about one pupil in each class , so I could attend well to each one and no lessons were omitted . We had our special spelling class on Friday and recitations and the pupils contributed by their compositions to the school paper called the " Juvenile Weekly " and with the addition of some selections in prose and poetry proved interesting to all so the schoolroom was never dull . Sunday afternoons , we had Sunday School and , as the children could all sing , that hour was both pleasant and profitable . Sometimes Mrs . Staples would join us in our exercises but she was a busy woman and the responsibility of keeping house which always was in order and ready for any sudden demand to supply eatables for hungry lumberman who might be passing in or out of the woods , kept her busy . They kept one hired man to attend the stock and other things outside . The food was usually meat of some kind and plenty of potatoes and some other vegetable , plenty of biscuits and butter , for like most of the Maine women , Mrs . Staples did not make raised bread ; but always used buttermilk , soda , or sweet milk and baking powder , and these cakes , either hot or cold , were always on hand with plenty of cranberry sauce or dried applesauce and syrup and Gingerbread . These were the staple sort of cake well relished by the hardy lumbermen or anyone with a healthy appetite . There was little time and less need for fancy cooking . The common baked beans were also always on hand and most appetizing . I was young and healthy and enjoyed the winter . I only saw one woman besides those of the family while I was there . Once a minister came into this most remote corner and held a meeting in the large dining room , which was filled with lumbermen from the camps and gave good attention to the preaching . Aside from that there were no incidents of interest while I was there , except the weekly mail which was looked forward to with some anxiety on account of the war cloud threatening between the North and South and occasional letters told me of the intention of some to enter the ranks of the North . Winter wore away , and the spring came with the disappearing of the snow . My school term closed and I was ready for home . The stage driver , a new one , on the road said when he came that the roads were bad . He had only brought one horse and he did not think he could take my trunk but when he found that I could lift it myself , he concluded to take it for it might be some time before the roads would be much improved . So early one morning we left the little settlement where I had spent some pleasant quiet hours , and passed out through the leafy woods where the birds were already busy building nests and singing their happy songs . The road was rough but when we reached the prairie we made better progress and got along very well . Only one slough troubled us . There the driver had to take the horse from the buggy and lead it around the slough to hard land beyond and then go back to carry the trunk some distance around , and I picked my way to solid footing while he drew the buggy by hand to safer ground . The horse , meanwhile , quietly tied to a bush , stood watching our maneuvers but soon we were on our way and continued our journey without further hindrance and completed the 50 miles in one day . I soon learned that quite a number I had known were in uniform . War between the North and South had been declared and Fort Sumter had been fired on , and there was trouble brewing with the Indians . I went to Anoka on the Friday to the stores and called at the house of a friend and there I met some other women from that neighbourhood and while we were talking my former boy friend walked in . It was to me a very unexpected meeting . He was in uniform and had been drilling at The following Monday school began in my new district . The schoolhouse was situated on the leading territorial road , as it was then called , that led to the frontier where small hamlets and settlements were scattered , sometimes miles apart . St . Cloud was 50 miles distant and Forest City and Kingston and other places were similarly situated , and these were anxious times for people so far removed from civilization . The third day of school we got word that the troops who had started West had been recalled and were to go South as the situation was alarming . In the afternoon the soldiers were in sight on their return trip . To please the pupils , as all were interested , I gave them recess till the soldiers were past and my friend left the ranks for a few minutes to call at the schoolhouse . I gave him my little red pocket Bible , which I had with me , as a parting gift . He told me they would be camping near Anoka and would I be down as there would probably be quite a number there to see their soldier friends . Then he hurried away to take his place in the ranks and school went on as usual . That evening , after supper , a load from my boarding house went in to see the soldiers , and some of the soldiers and maidens had a dance on the lawn . There was a last goodbye and we returned to our homes , leaving the soldiers to their rest to get ready for their tramp on the morrow . Those were anxious times for the country . The soldiers had been called up for only three months as it was thought by the Government to be an easy matter to quell the rebellion . A number of soldiers went past the schoolhouse on their way South and were conveyed by teams to accelerate their movements . They were very hopeful of the outcome of the war some of them saying , " We 'll be back in three months " . But someone replied , " you may not come back at all " . And so , amid the hopes , there were fears and many were sad over the prospects of long parting and the uncertainties that were about everything . The school was interesting and my boarding place a pleasant one . I had a number of acquaintances in the army and in different companies so was kept pretty well informed of their movements . Then after awhile occurred the Battle of Bull Run , ( July 21 , 1861 ) so disastrous to the Northern Army . One Sunday School , which was held in my schoolhouse , there came word of some that had fallen in that unfortunate battle , and among them were the names of my friend and his special chum , whose wife was a dear friend of mine . They had been seen to fall together and were never heard of anymore . They lie with other soldiers in nameless graves . Their knapsacks were afterwards found and sent to their friends and the sister of my friend sent along to me the little pocket Bible I had given to him as a parting gift . Someone asked me afterward if I did not regret my decision in the matter , as he might not have gone to war . I said " No , I could not have given him any other answer . I dared not " . But I heard that he had in the camp prayer meetings confessed his entire trust in his Savior and so I have always believed that all was well with him . The summer passed quickly and autumn came , and there was more trouble brewing among the Sioux Indians . The Chippewa had usually been peaceful toward the whites , but enemies to the Sioux ; now there were rumors of disquiet among the Chippewa . After my term closed , I attended for a while a private school in Anoka , and one day while I was there , there were fears of an uprising among the Chippewa . The tribe was situated North of Anoka up the Rum River , now called the Mille Lac . They could easily come down the river in their canoes . The Sioux were in a westerly direction and up the Mississippi River . I came home and told my mother what I had heard but she was not easily alarmed . We were alone at that time , my father being away , and the hired man for some reason was absent too . That evening we finished our work as usual and prepared to retire . Our well was just outside the door . I had been out to it and it was quite dark outside and I could not see the road but I thought I heard footsteps . I hurried in , hoping to shut the door but knew whoever it was close to me and I thought it best to show no fear . Thinking it was Indians , I turned and faced them but it proved to be a neighbour . He said he heard the Indians were coming and he had his team ready with his mother aboard and was going to Anoka , so called us as he knew we were alone and would not be safe . The Chippewa were on the warpath . In 1862 he led the first Massacre We had no time for consideration , so Mother took her silver spoons and I took my summer salary and we got into the wagon . We went to the home of the Baptist Minister whose wife and my mother were well acquainted . We found the town in a feverish state of alarm and all the forepart of the night , people were coming in from all directions and news had spread rapidly . A guard was formed and sentries posted at exposed points to give notice of any unwelcome arrivals . It turned out that it was not the Chippewa who was feared but word had come that the Sioux had been known to be just a few miles west of town . In the early dawn of the morning Mother and I rose from rather a restless night and walked home . Mother said if there had been time to consider and had known that it was the Chippewa that were feared , she would not have left home for we were safer and farther away from the Sioux than those in town . But we were home early and able to attend to our accustomed duties . Later we learned that the whole scare had originated in someone seeing what they thought were moccasin tracks in the soft sand by the shore of the lake , some 12 miles distant . But such was the anxiety of the people everywhere that these tracks soon grew into a band of warlike savages and hundreds of people fled to safety . That Fall I sat in the schoolroom near a window overlooking one of the main roads leading from the upper country . We could see teams loaded with refugees from the outlying districts finding their way to town for safety and many hardships were endured before they found comfort in comparative safety . That winter I went to St . Anthony and into Mrs . Pearl 's millinery and dressmaking shop , the better to equip myself in sewing . I had done my own dressmaking since I was 16 but knew there were many things that I wanted to do better . It was a busy place for a small shop . Mrs . Pearl and her two sisters carried on the millinery work and dressmaking while the housework took second place . Mr . Pearl was sometimes a salesman in the front shop but sometimes had business elsewhere . It was a hard winter . Grasshoppers had done much damage a year or two before , stripping the fields of the verdure . The call of the men to war and the Indian troubles had all combined to make times hard . Many were the deceives resorted to , to bring prices down to meet the needs of the public and supply them when their purses were low . While at the millinery shop , I made the acquaintance of a company of sharp - shooters , and one in particular , whose mother was a friend of Mrs . Pearls and while they were in town he frequently called . Everyone thought it a privilege to minister to the comfort of those going forth in the service of their country and when he left , I had another name added to the list of my correspondents . I had already promised a number , that if letters from their home town or district would be appreciated , or of interest , I would not deny their request and so it was that I was kept pretty well informed of the movements of our troops and of their impressions of soldier life . My Quaker friends had one brother in the army who thought the war was really for the freedom of the slaves in which all Quakers were interested . He had enlisted and gone South and never returned . His grave is in the sunny South and never again will he be seen in his family circle . A younger brother enlisted but found the discipline irksome and the discomforts so trying that he disappeared and was never seen in the ranks . Later , when I came to Canada , his mother told me that if I ever saw her son I was to give him her message from home . It was supposed , he had found an asylum in Canada , but I never knew or heard of him . After the winter spent in the millinery shop , I returned home convinced that work among hats and ribbons was not my forte . I soon had a school in the district adjoining the one I was in the season before and 7 miles from town . I found this district as interesting as most of my districts had been and I was soon in demand in many ways . Sometimes a little girl needed her hat trimmed and sometimes mother wanted a dress and would I fit it for her and show her a little about it ? I could do little but comply with these requests and then it was pleasant to see the gratitude that a little help called for the people were kind in many ways . Sometimes a horse or horse and buggy were cheerfully lent to me to ride home . One Saturday a number from the neighbourhood were going out for blueberries . The blueberry field was beyond my mother 's place and we were to pass there on our way . I stopped there and got a pail and we reached the place about lunch time and between 1 o ' clock and at 5 , I had my 12 quart pail full . The berries were abundant and all did well so we were able to leave the berry patch and get back in time for supper , well satisfied with our afternoon 's work . That summer there was a Fourth of July celebration . The day was fine and we all had a good time . A large crowd was there and there was the usual 4th of July oration . After all was over I went to stay with Mother over Sunday . Sunday morning , I walked down the schoolhouse where services were being held since the church had burned down . Waiting at the door I saw old Mrs . Cook . She seemed glad to see me and asked me to go home with her for dinner . I told her I would like to go but if anyone was in from my school district , I had better go home with them , as I needed to be back for school Monday morning . " Well " , she said , " I think my son is going out there Monday morning and can take you " . She promised to find out for sure after the service was over , which she did . So that matter was settled and I stayed to Sunday School , which was immediately after Church . At the close of Sunday School I walked home with Mrs . Cook . She told me of a battle that had just been fought and her anxiety about her son whose regiment had taken part , and she was anxious for his safety . Mrs . Cook Jr . met us at the door and while dinner was preparing we had time for a chat . Shortly I saw Mr . Cook and some stranger approaching the house . I asked who the stranger was and was told it was a Mr . Blackwell who boarded there . Mr . Blackwell had just been up west to his brothers ( this would be John and Henry ) I had heard through mother of Mr . Blackwell and had seen him on a previous occasion in Sunday School and had then enquired about the rather red - headed young man attending Bible class . I had also heard him make an appeal for papers for a frontier Sunday School , but we had never met . However , we were now introduced and , as I was to stay there until the next morning , we had considerable conversation . He offered to take me to my school the next morning but I did not think it necessary as Mr . Cook was going anyway . However , he offered to do Mr . Cook 's business as well and so , as I had no objections , it was all arranged and the day was pleasantly passed . I learned afterward that Mr . Blackwell had told Mr . Cook before he left Anoka that he was going away for some time and had arranged that he be introduced to me and that was the reason for my invitation to the Cooks . Monday was bright and Mr . Blackwell took me to my school in good time . He also promised to take me again if I was in town over Sunday but only once again did that opportunity occur . My school term closed in the early Fall and I went home and for a time attended a girls ' school taught by a Mr . Alling and his wife . Mr . Ailing taught in the forenoon and his wife in the afternoon . Occasionally I met Mr . Blackwell at church or a weeknight prayer meeting . Finally , I boarded in town at Mrs . Kelsy 's and opened a private school for children of both sexes who were younger than those Mr . Alling taught in his school . He taught Saturday afternoon and it was all review work of the past week . My school was open on Monday and I was free to go to school on Saturday . Mr . Alling gave me the work on Saturday that would be gone over the following weekend and by close attention to my books , I was ready for the review work of Friday and my time was well filled up . However , the weekly prayer meeting and an occasional social were attended . Mr . Blackwell was also there occasionally and we met when it happened that I could not avoid him . I respected him as a friend , but nothing more , and , feeling sure that his feelings and attentions were serious , I avoided him . Finally I received a note from him asking for my company to a social the following week . I had not given him the chance to speak to me the evening before at the meeting so he had taken the liberty of sending the note my mail . I took the note and went home to mother . I felt I had made a mistake once by not consulting her and did not want to do it again . I showed her the note and asked her what she thought about my accepting his attentions . " Well " , I said , " I think his attentions are serious and I don 't like him other then as a friend " . " Then be frank with him and tell him " , she said . " But Mother " , I said , " Would you not think me very foolish to give up the idea of further education for the sake of being married " ? " No " , she replied , " I would rather see you married to a likely young man than to have you struggling along teaching with the hope of saving enough out of your meager salary to improve your education " . Well , I had refused attentions from others who had not been objectionable for I did not want to give up my studies , but it was hard to save much out of a little wage , for it took nearly all to clothe me and pay my way and it would be long before I had enough put away to put me through a year of State University at Winona ; and that was what I wanted for it would give me a certificate that would allow me to teach anywhere in the State . So with my mother 's approbation , I thought I could not go far wrong in accepting Mr . Blackwell 's company to the social . From that time I met him more frequently and became convinced that he possessed the qualities that I had always wanted to find in a life companion . At Christmas time a Sunday School Christmas tree was decided upon and for decoration Mr . Blackwell was on the committee appointed to suggest arrangements and was the only one that had a plan drawn up for decorating the hall where we met for service . Mr . Blackwell 's plan was accepted and he was put in charge of decorations . A Christmas tree was to be obtained and a centre decoration of evergreens was to be placed on the ceiling and the walls were to be festooned with evergreens . All this meant considerable work but assistants were selected to help in weaving the evergreens . Some other young ladies and myself assisted , and when all was done , the hall was certainly a tastefully decorated place . At the top of the hall where we entered an arch of evergreens was erected , completely hiding a box that had two star shaped holes , one on each side of the box in which a lamp was placed . This shed a light into the hall , representing the Bethlehem star . It was a busy week of preparations and was a very successful celebration . I had not expected anything more than some small trifles from some of my pupils , for Christmas tree gifts were not common , but the whole congregation brought their gifts for their friends and the tree was well loaded . I was surprised to receive a roll containing a dress pattern . I could not mistake who the giver might be and could not very well refuse it . It had always been my habit to refuse gifts from my gentleman friends but this gift , coming without the name of the giver , I could not very well refuse . I had placed on the tree a small parcel , a gentleman 's handkerchief , which I had hemmed , for I thought that one who had laboured so hard for the Sunday School ought to have something and , as Mr . Blackwell had no particular friends , he was not likely to get anything , so he was surprised . My school continued till about the end of April . I had , however , given up attending Mr . Alling 's school some weeks before as Mr . Blackwell had fitted up a house for a home and wanted me to give up teaching and be content in a home with him . I closed my school on the 29th of April and was married on the 6th of May ( 1863 ) at the close of the weekly prayer meeting in the little hall where we had attended all winter . There was a big crowd out to the meeting that might . The hall was full but I saw little of them . We returned to Mrs . Kelsy 's house where I had boarded all winter and , with nearly 20 of our invited friends , sat down to a bountiful feast , cold turkey and its accompaniments and tarts , cakes and ice cream . I was very tired for I had had a busy week after my school closed . My father had rented his place to a stranger who occupied most of the house except a room reserved for his stuff and mother was leaving to visit friends in New York and to consult a physician ; and so our home was broken up for a time and I was not able to get help in my marriage preparations from home . These things had hurried up our wedding a week early than I could conveniently get ready . Our friends left us about 12 p . m . and later , accompanied by a friend of Mr . Blackwell 's , we went quietly to the little house we had prepared and was ready for occupation so our journey together for life began . I said to a dear friend that evening that I was very tired , there had been so much to do in a few days , and I was glad the fuss was over . " Oh " , she said , " Wait till you have been married for ten years before you say that " . I saw my friend 35 years later and told her that I never regretted the step that I took on that May 6th , 1863 . That summer was a very dry season and gardens could not grow . My husband planted a large garden and a patch of potatoes but very little of it amounted to anything as was the case with others . He had some work at his trade in town which he finished about July 1st . Then he was sent to go to St . Cloud about 50 miles west of Anoka . He was absent about a month . I found it pretty lonely when he was away all of the time but in a house close by lived three sisters . The husbands of two of them had joined the army and one of these sisters , or some other girl friend was always with me . There were quite a number who enjoyed coming to our little home among the trees to I was not often alone . After my husband returned and had been home about a month he was sent for again and it was represented that there was so much work to be done in that lively and growing little town that we had better move up for the winter . So acting on the advice we received , we packed our household goods and rented the house until the following April , and Mr . Blackwell went away again , intending to send for me when he had secured a place to live . I remained behind to board at Mrs . Kelsy 's but after he had gone to St . Cloud and estimated the work to be done and found out the price of living and the high rent there he decided the work could not last after Christmas and it would not pay to move there . After a few weeks I was to go there and board at the same place that he and his partner were living . John Blackwell lived in a house large enough for all of us and , as ours was rented until April , it was settled that we remain there for the winter , the winter of 1863 - 64 . My husband arrived before Christmas and it proved rather unfortunate that he went to St . Cloud at all because he could not get his pay and we needed it very much that winter as vegetables and other food was so scarce and prices so high . We paid a dollar a bushel for potatoes no larger than marbles . John Blackwell and his wife 's brother and some others buried their dead and were fired on by the Indians who lay in concealment . Afterward the various settlers fled to other towns and forts and fortified themselves as best they could and the government sent troops to quell the rebellion . John Blackwell went to Anoka and Henry Blackwell , who lived near Holmes City , sent his ( Amanda VanLoon ) Mr . Kelsey 's shoe shop and learned to make shoes , as he thought it might be handy some time to know how . He made several pair during the weeks that he worked there and they were all sold . Mr . Kelsy was so pleased with his work that he offered to take him into partnership , but my husband had other plans and so did not accept the offer . and brother Henry and family . These people had gone back to their farms . There were no railroads yet and one had to take a chance on getting a ride with some of the settlers who came to town for supplies . So , after taking the stage to St . Cloud , he obtained a ride with a man who was going through with an ox team . He took his camera with him that he might take pictures of his father and family . This he did by using a hay covered shed for a gallery and removing some of the covering for a skylight , He got the pictures he wanted and one of the log cabin in which they lived . After that he left with the feeling that it might be the last time he would ever see his father , which proved to be the case . ( Mary Barradell ) REB died in England the Fall of 1864 , about the time I came to Canada . His father had left for Canada with the boys and the mother expected to arrive later , but her health and eyesight failed and she would not attempt the sea voyage and so , when she died , her husband was far away in Minnesota . Her two daughters remained with her . One daughter , ( Alcohol ) REB The proprietor and one of his companions went into the storeroom to sample the contents of the cask . It was evening and one of them struck a match and dropped it on the floor . It caught the straw and litter on the floor and while one tried to move the barrel of coal oil , another went for a pitcher of water and dashed it onto the burning rubbish , causing it to fly over the coal oil and spread throughout the room and all over the two men . One of them , with his clothes and hair on fire ran down the street toward the hotel . The men there stopped him and rolled him in the grass and earth and put out the fire . The other man got to the front of the store and was met there by the gathering crowd . The flesh was dropping from his hands . He was taken in charge and conveyed to a safe distance from the fire where he was cared for , while the whole town turned out to fight the fire . There was no firefighting equipment except a so - called hook and ladder company . A young man named Cady , who had enlisted in the army and was Captain of his company , took command at once and formed a bucket brigade . A line of women passed empty buckets to the river while another line of men passed the full buckets from the river to the fire which was kept from spreading to buildings across the road , yet the paint was blistered by the heat . The men kept pouring the water on the roofs and so the buildings across the street were saved by the store and warehouse , but two or three small buildings nearby were entirely consumed and only the heroic efforts of the bucket brigade under the direction of Captain Cady saved the town . The next day or so after the fire , Captain Cady and his men left for the frontier further West to rescue some settlers who were in danger from hostile Indians . While crossing the open prairie they were fired on by the Indians , who were concealed in the woods and Captain Cady was instantly killed . ( June 11 . 1863 ) Captain Cady was a young man of splendid Christian character , loved and respected by all , and his death was a blow to the community . When the news of his death came , the Church bell rang in muffled tones and the flag was lowered to half mast . His body was robed for internment and kept in an ice cold room awaiting the arrival of his brother from the West . He had no relatives in Anoka . The body of the fire victim was also awaiting the arrival of a brother from the East . The funeral of Captain Cady took place while Henry Blackwell was visiting us and we saw his body laid to rest after an impressive ceremony . The body of the fire victim was laid to rest 2 or 3 days earlier . The fire in Anoka and the untimely death of Captain Cady left an impression on my mind not soon to be forgotten . While my husband was away at Holmes city , my only living sister Almeda Smith and here little boy Ernest came to visit me which was a very pleasant surprise . I had not seen her since I left Winona , nearly 5 years before . Her husband had joined a military company at Winona and they had been sent West to protect the settlers from hostile Indians ; the officers were allowed to rent houses in the villages and have their families with them . She had spent most of the time with her husband but here husband was being moved to another locality and she came to visit me until they were again settled . After a few days visit with me she left and went to Minneapolis to visit friends there . I did not see her again until midsummer . She had to go before my husband returned from his visit to his father in Holmes City and she did not see him . It was a great disappointment to both of us as well as my husband for he and my sister had never met . After we were in our house , Mr . Messer continued to come and look after his mother at nights and kind friends attended to her during the day . She was a fine old lady and my parents had known her years before when her husband was alive . I used to go to her room every day and chat with her and wondered how her daughter - in - law could be so neglectful of her own husband 's mother . The old lady longed to go home and be at rest . for his father and father 's brother . It was a busy time ; help was scarce as nearly every able - bodied man had joined the army and the women were filling their places doing the home tasks . However , we were cared for and not allowed to suffer any want . A few days after the advent of our boy , the old lady left a world of trouble and passed away to meet the Lord she had loved so long . My husband has never been contented in Minnesota and always thought he would like to return to Canada where he and his brothers spent several years and had taken up land in the County of Gray , some distance from Hamilton . They sold out when they went to Minnesota . During the time they were in Minnesota , my husband 's brothers had married and were content to remain . I was willing to go to Canada as I had always thought it a desirable place from early childhood when my father taught me that Canada was the place where the poor slaves were free and I had heard that the climate of Ontario would be milder than that of Minnesota and fruit could be grown successfully . My husband had become acquainted with a Canadian from Simcoe , Ontario , a Mr . Lloyd who , with his wife , had lived in Anoka and Mr . Blackwell had boarded with them most of the time for two years . Then Mr . Lloyd returned to Simcoe and they had corresponded regularly thereafter . Mr . Lloyd advised my husband to return to Ontario and leave a country that was so upset because of the war , so in July he left Minnesota and returned to Canada where his friends gave him a warm welcome . I was to remain in Minnesota until he had selected a place for us to live . I was lonely without him but I felt that it was better for him to go and find a place wherein he wanted to settle . In the meantime our boy was growing up and I would dispose of the things we did not want to take with us , and I could visit the friends that we might not see again . My husband got work in a few days on the new Court house they were building tin Simcoe and boarded at Mr . Lloyds . It was cherry time and Mrs . Lloyd had a chance to get all the cherries she wanted to pick from the trees on a lot nearby . The house on this lot was empty and no one to look after it , and no one to care for the cherries . So my husband told here he would pick the cherries if she would dry part of them for us , which she did , and we had a fine lot of dried cherries for our use after I arrive . After my husband had gone there were some who said he left to escape the draft which was likely to be levied to increase the Northern Army and not recognizing or not knowing that he was an Englishman , having never been naturalized and therefore not subject to draft ; however , there never was a draft in Anoka county . My husband was a loyal Englishman and had intentions of returning to Canada all the time he was in the States , but stayed on there on account of his father and brothers who seemed more willing to stay because there they made their homes . His brother Henry made an outstanding success of trapping of furs and gardening in the country of his adoption . In September , when work in the Court House was slack for a few days , my husband set out by rail from Paris to look at the new country , which had been called Queens Bush . He had sold the land he owed in Canada and spent all the money he had received , $ 1 , 000 . 00 except a payment or tow that was still owing to him . During the seven years he had been in Minnesota , times had been hard and work at his trade , which was plastering , had been scarce as the country was so new , so all that he had gained in that venture was a wife and a small baby . My husband went on the railroad to Goderich , the country town of Huron County . From there he went to Lucknow , getting a ride with a Scotsman who was in town with a team ; but he was not quite suited with the appearance of the place and , hearing of the new town of Wingham , eleven miles farther on , he made his way there . Here he found all was very new but there was water power there and a sawmill and grist mill and the prospect of quite a town growing up , and after looking about for a short time concluded this would be the place for him . Then he returned to Simcoe where work was waiting for him . Then he wrote to me to sell our cow and dispose of our household effects and rent the house and bring the boy to Canada . This was accomplished in due time and I set out on my journey . The railroad had just been finished to Anoka so I was able to take the train to St . Paul . Bidding goodbye to John Blackwell ( 10 . 2 . 3 ) and his wife and bonny baby girl , ( 10 . 2 . 3 . 1 ) and the Kelsy family , who had always been so kind to me , I gladly bade goodbye to all , promising them I would be back in five years . It was more than 35 years ere I returned on a visit . sister and her little boy Ernest ( Almeda Twichell & David G . Smith ) and I never saw them again . Sweet Sister . I little thought it was to be our last goodbye . ' Tis well the future is hid from us for hope would be veiled in tears and darkness . My mother was still in the east and father divided his time between Anoka and visiting my brothers farther West . The Mississippi River was very low that year owing to the dry weather the year before , and the larger boats could not come up to St . Paul . So the passengers and freight had to be transferred from the smaller boats to the larger ones in going down . We made the exchange about midnight and it was very crushing from one boat to the other . A young lady who was traveling with her cousin occupied a part of my stateroom and kindly assisted me with my baby and valise , her cousin also being on hand to help us , but it was rather a trying time for children , who seemed in danger of being smothered in the general rush down the steps of one boat on the deck then up the steps of the boat and finally into the saloon of the vessel to which we were transferred . Finally , we were shown our staterooms and were glad of the chance to settle down for the rest of the night . We found our accommodation better on the second boat than on the first and had a good rest , so the next day was spent pleasantly . As we passed Winona , I was looking over the town and found it much changed from what it was when I left it 5 ½ years ago . There was a gentleman on board who had lived at Winona and with him I had some interesting talks and learned many things about the town that had occurred since I was there . It was particularly a very pretty town and I have always remembered with pleasure the part of my girlhood that I spent there with dear sister Almeda . Chicago . We were told the train would be along about 8 p . m . but alas it was 11 p . m . before it arrived and we had to wait in a little stuffy station that was crowded to its capacity with travelers and no place to get refreshments , at least I heard of no restaurant where one could get anything to eat . Fortunately , I had secured a lunch from the cook on board the steamer before I left it so my needs for the evening were well supplied . When the train finally came , we were glad to exchange the stuffy station for the cars but they , too , were crowded and I could only get sitting room with no chance to have a whole seat for myself and baby . Everyone else found it crowded too and I had to sit up all night holding my five months old baby weighing 21 pounds . But he was very good although I was tired by morning . We made some change to another train which gave us more room but I was feeling nearly sick from the lack of sleep and need of breakfast . I really felt nearly sick . An old lady in the seat back of me took my baby for awhile so I could lay my head down and have a doze . A fruit vendor came along with his basket of fruit but I felt too sick to want any and refused . Soon he came again and held out a lovely bunch of grapes to me and said a gentleman over there told me to give these to you . I looked in the direction he pointed and saw the gentleman from Winona that I had been chatting with the day before . I accepted the grapes and , though feeling ill could not resist the temptation to eat them at intervals and the effect of them and the little nap I had while the old lady cared for my baby , refreshed me considerably . About noon the train reached Chicago . The gentleman from Winona assisted me to the bus that transferred me to the other station where I was to take the train to Detroit or some place where we were to cross into Canada . Arriving at the station in Chicago we found it was 1 p . m . and we were to be there two hours . I lost no time in securing a good cup of coffee and a good lunch and felt much better when the train arrived , was quite able to continue my journey . On this train there was plenty of accommodation and I had a chance to rest very well . When we were to cross into Canada our baggage had to be rechecked . I told the baggage man to recheck to Paris , Ontario , as there I would leave the train . He looked at my ticket , which was to Hamilton ; I told him not to check my trunk to Hamilton as I was to leave the train at Paris and so trusted they would do so . In buying my ticket from Anoka I found I could not buy one to Paris , as it was a way - station . I could buy one to London and there buy another for Paris or I could buy one from Hamilton and then leave the train at Paris . I was advised to do the latter as it would be cheaper than the former . We had a good trip and got on well and before reaching Paris , I told the conductor I wished to leave the train there . " Have you any baggage " , he asked . " Yes " , I said . " Well " , he said , " Your ticket reads Hamilton and your baggage will surely go there too " . But I trusted otherwise and left the train at Paris about 5 p . m . and on looking for my baggage it was not in the baggage room . No doubt it had , as the conductor said , gone on to Hamilton . There was nothing for me but to spend the night at Paris and take the train at 7 a . m . for Hamilton , recover my baggage and return to Paris in the afternoon . A kindly old gentleman directed me to a comfortable looking boarding house where I passed a good night and the motherly landlady helped me off to the train in the morning . I reached Hamilton before noon , found my trunk which had burst open , the men I had entrusted to rope it not having done a good job . I got the baggage man to fix it properly , bought my dinner at a restaurant , and was ready for the return trip . The proprietor of the restaurant was much taken with my baby and took him in his arms and walked around with him while I had my lunch . " My " , he said , " He 's a fine boy . I would give a thousand dollars for such a boy " . " Have you none ? " I asked . " No , I have not even a wife " . My lunch finished , I walked to the station which was close by and was soon on my way to Paris . One lesson I learned - that my baggage was pretty sure to be sent where my ticket indicated whatever I might direct about it . Had I gone right on to Hamilton as the conductor advised , I would have saved my fare there but as it was I had to pay my fare to Hamilton and return when I was within 28 miles of my journey 's end . I got back in time to take the stage for Simcoe . After being seated in the stage coach , the collector of fares came along . I handed him an American five dollar bill . " Oh " , he said , " This is not used here . " " Can you give me Canadian money ? " So without taking the bill back , I looked for a Canadian one and handed the fare to him . He took it saying , " That 's all right " , slammed the door , the driver cracked his whip and we were off . It was all done so quickly I had not time to think of the first bill I had given him and so , without my American five dollar bill , worth at that time 45 cents on the dollar , and did not realize this loss until after reaching Simcoe and , counting over my money I saw what I had lost and remembered where I had left it . My husband went into Paris soon after , spoke to the man about it but he did not return it , only remembered such a bill was handed to him at such a time and was sure he accepted it and changed it according to its value . Another lesson learned was to keep my wits about me when paying out bills . Scotland . I think they changed here . It was dark then but the platform of the hotel was lighted up with lanterns . A number of men were standing there and Oh Joy , I saw my husband among them . And he saw me on the stage . He had been working 2 miles out and had expected me to be along the night before and had walked in to meet the stage and , not finding me , had returned to his work and came again the next night , so got on board and we went together the 14 miles to Simcoe . There I was warmly welcomed by Mr . & Mrs . Lloyd and thankful to be safely over the long road . It had taken 5 days to travel , but I had stood the trip well and had received much kindness from fellow travelers , and my baby had been good . With the exception of one night on the crowded train and the next afternoon before reaching Chicago , I had been well and rather enjoyed the journey but My husband had work at his trade to keep him busy all Fall . We boarded with the Lloyds for awhile , then my husband and Mr . Lloyd rented a house together that was large enough for both families and was nice for me as I would not be alone when my husband was away , as he would be , for his work was in the country and he was only home for Sundays . We did not buy any furniture except a bureau from Mr . Lloyd . He made bureaus and other articles of furniture for sale . We borrowed a table and a few necessary things , bought a dollar and a half 's worth of delf dishes to do us through the winter and a second hand cook stove and we were comfortably fixed for the winter . Mrs . Olds . We met their friends and made some pleasant acquaintances and so the time passed quickly . Just before Christmas , there was a rumour that there might be a Fenian Raid on Canada from the United States . There was said to be Catholic organizations in the States and they were secretly drilling and when ready , would plunge on Canada and take it before breakfast some morning . I heard the rumors a week before Christmas and was much worried about it but Mr . & Mrs . Lloyd were not at all uneasy as they did not credit the stories , but I was so alarmed that , for two or three nights , I kept myself and baby dressed and ready for instant flight . Mr . Blackwell was away at his work in the country . We expected him to be through and home on Saturday but he came on Friday night , much to my relief . I went to bed that night and Mr . Blackwell and Mr . Lloyd promised to stay up and be on guard if anything unusual happened . There was an Anti - Fenian organization in the States that reported the Fenian activities . Mr . Lloyd 's brother , Richard , who was Captain of one of the lake boats , and his wife and two children came over to spend Christmas and with Mr . Lloyd 's family , we were invited to Christmas dinner at Mr . Lloyd 's sister , Mrs . Olds . It was a genuine feasting day on a large farm . Mrs . Lloyd was a dear , hospitable friend and did everything in her power to make the stranger comfortable and feel at home . There was quite a umber of small children in that part of Simcoe where we lived who could not go to the public school as the distance was too great for them to walk . I had little to do and only my baby to care for and someone suggested that , if I liked to do it , that I could have a number of pupils for a private school . I could have the school in our own room and I was anxious to earn something and set out to find pupils and after New Year 's , began teaching , having over 20 pupils , charging $ 1 . 50 for the term of 60 days . I did up my own work in the morning and at 9 o ' clock I took my baby into Mrs . Lloyd 's room and left him there until noon , going in at recess to see him for a few minutes . At noon , I had him in our room during lunch hour and the kids all seemed pleased to see him . Then at 1 o ' clock , I returned him to Mrs . Lloyd 's room till 4 p . m . only going in at recess to attend to him . Mrs . Lloyd was like a mother and knew more about babies and most everything else then I did and was ever a valuable friend to me . I gave her ten cents a day for her care of Georgie . After 4 p . m . , my housework had to be done , sometimes my husband helping me and , as there was not much to do , it was soon completed . My Husband fitted up a room we did not use to take pictures in . He had learned the picture business the year before , from Mr . Cook of Anoka , where we were married . He took chiefly embrotypes using mostly a sidelight instead of a skylight . He also did a little agency work selling books but that was not in his line , but every little helped and he could not be idle . I taught my school six days a week and got through the term in ten weeks , then spent a month canvassing for a Bible and 2 or 3 other books , not on commission , but on a salary . At the end of the month , we were ready to think of going to Wingham . My husband had also been busy making shoes for Mr . Lloyd 's family and for his own family , even a small pair for our little boy . I had made two dressed for myself and done our mending and earned 24 dollars clear after paying Mrs . Lloyd for the care of George , then 15 dollars more clear for my canvassing and on May 1st 1865 we were ready to start for Wingham . Mr . Lloyd went too for , like my husband , he wanted to get a new start in a new town . He was going to start in the furniture business making plain furniture and doing carpenter work . As the railroad did not run into Simcoe , we went by stage to Paris in the early morning . The weather was fine and the air just cool enough to be invigorating . Boarding the train at Paris , we went on to Clinton , also a rather young town , where we arrived about 3 p . m . , and soon after we started by stage for Wingham . Besides Mr . Lloyd , Mr . Blackwell , the baby and myself , there was an elderly lady going to visit her daughter who lived at Teeswater , 10 miles beyond Wingham . The day was fine and the roads good and we got along very well until within a few miles of Wingham , just as it was getting dark a tire came off one of the wheels of the stage . We all had to dismount and were taken into a farmhouse to wait until the driver secured a farmer 's wagon in which to finish the journey . It was pretty rough riding for the rest of the way but we were all glad that any conveyance was obtained to carry us on our way . After climbing into the vehicle our progress was much slower as the road was too rough for traveling fast in a spring less wagon . About 10 o ' clock we reached our destination . The driver went on to the one hotel kept by old Mr . Cornyn . The occupants had retired but repeated knockings on the door roused the landlord who appeared with a candle in his hand and his pants held up on one brace or suspender . The driver explained why we were so late and that accommodation was required for us all . The men from the woods had come in that day and they were pretty well filled up . However , we were to come to the kitchen and he would see what could be done . Meanwhile , the driver went to a boarding house nearby to see if anything could be done there for us . Returning , he said that the boarding house was full so , leaving us in the kitchen with only the firelight to light the room . He finally came back saying he could give us a bedroom with two beds and that was the best that he could do . The landlady and her help were in a bedroom off the kitchen and we thought it was no use to ask for supper and we could get along alright if only we could go to bed . We were finally shown to a room just long enough to admit two beds , one with the head of the bed to the foot of the other and just wide enough to admit a chair beside each bed . We thought the conditions were rather crowded but we had to make the best of it , as there was no other way . Selecting one of the beds , the lady passenger , baby and myself were soon settled for the night and s slept the sleep of weariness . Mr . Lloyd and my husband occupied the other bed . Morning came bright and rosy and my bed companion found her way to the kitchen and secured a tin basin and brought it full of water that I might wash my baby and we managed to prepare for breakfast for we were hungry , not having had anything to eat since early breakfast the previous morning , except a lunch we carried . Going downstairs , we found the sitting room , also the dining room with one long bare table and a bare floor . The lumbermen had eaten and left . Our breakfast was served to us of fried park and potatoes , bread and butter and syrup ; but hunger is a good sauce and , with a cup of tea , we did not fare so badly . My lady friend and I sat about the room waiting for the next move while Mr . Lloyd and my husband went out to look over the town and see if other accommodation could be found . After a while , a gentleman came in from Teeswater to take his mother - in - law , our traveling companion , home with him and we saw her pleasant face no more . Later , my husband came in and told me we would have our dinner at a new unfinished hotel . Only the sitting room and a bedroom on the second floor were finished and the household goods were all sitting out in the yard of the hotel and the family had been accommodated at the homes of different neighbours in town as the plastering had not been dry enough to permit anyone to occupy the rooms the night before . But the cook stove was up in the sitting room and with table and chairs and utensils to cook with , dinner would be prepared . So we left our rather rude and uncomfortable quarters of the night before and went to the new hotel . Thomas Gregory was building it for Mr . Griffin . His wife and daughters were efficient in the cooking line and very hospitable , and though much crowded , furnished us with a good dinner . The kitchen , dining room and sitting room were all in one but by giving the men boarders their dinner 's first and setting second table for the family and myself , we got along well . The day was fine and everything seemed bright and clean . Mr . Griffin and his family had occupied a boarding house and would have remained another week but the owner of the house would not let him stay another day after the expiration of the lease on May 1st , unless he would sign a lease for another six months . Hence the hurried and sudden exit . Workmen were busy on the lower part of the new hotel and as fast as possible it was being finished . There were only about 3 or 4 houses in the place , the rest being shanties , run up in a hurry to accommodate incoming settlers . The town had been laid out and named by the government on land near where there was waterpower . Mills had been erected and there were two stores owned by T . G . Jackson and others owned by George Green . My husband and Mr . Lloyd looked about and decided on the lots they wished and set to work to get up a place they could shelter in . The lots had timber on at one time but they had mostly fallen and lay dead and dry waiting to be moved to make room for dwellings . Clearing a place large enough for a shanty , they set to work . They carried the most of what lumber was necessary from John Gregory 's sawmill on the Maitland River not far away to build our shanty 12 ' x 16 ' . We only had enough money to pay one week 's board at the hotel , for the $ 100 . 00 my husband had expected from the man who had bought his land was not forthcoming . It was to have been paid the Fall before but the man , a farmer , pleaded for more time as his crop had been disappointing , but in the spring he was not better able to pay . So we had come to Wingham without it , trusting to get any work until there was a job to do plastering . Mr . Lloyd had little money but was a builder and helped my husband with the shanty and we went to our domicile the Saturday after arriving in Wingham . The door was not up nor was there a window , but it was ours and we were happy . A piece of thin cotton was stretched over a hole cut for half a window and the door was set up and fitted with hinges the second day . A wooden latch was provided with an old - fashioned latchstring for a fastening . The shanty was all built of rough hemlock lumber . The rood was made of boards and no shingles were used . Scantling nailed across one end and fixed with boards to form two beds was arranged . The whole cost , including nails , was $ 90 . 00 . Looking about in Lower Wingham , my husband spied a cook stove in an empty house and learned it was for sale for 12 dollars on time . He bought it and brought it home on a wheelbarrow . We had no furniture save a bureau bought from Mr . Lloyd and a whatnot I brought from Minnesota . Taking it to pieces , I had it packed in a box along with our bedding and clothing . It took up but little room and was light . Taking the box to pieces , my husband made a cross - legged table and our trunks and box or two provided seats , and we were happy . Our boy was a year old on May 14th , but was not walking .
|
Ariel Taylor can slow time almost to a complete stop . For instance , she can move between rain drops , enjoy snow in a way normal people can 't fathom . She 's also pregnant with twins who may or may not also have the same ability . The Government wants her , whether she likes it or not . Will she escape and what will she have to do to get away from them ? And what other ability does she have ? Will her twins have ? And the men she meets . What do they have to offer her ? Nikki Sanchez , if that 's her real name , is a young woman who wanders into a bar in Mexico and meets Tom Sawyer , the ex - rock and roll legend . He dropped out of the whole scene after a bad accident some years back and opened his quiet , unassuming bar in a coastal town in Mexico . Before he 's given it much thought , he 's embroiled in a nationwide hunt for answers , dodging killers and discovering love he never thought possible . Along the way he also finds a daughter he never knew he had . My wife of thirty years died two years ago . Our three kids were grown and gone . I picked up the bag . Should I or shouldn 't I ? Shrugging , I attached the rubber hose to the tank and continued to toy with the bag . I attached the hose to the side of the bag . Now all I had to do was pull it over my head and zip it as closed as I could . Then … reach over and turn the valve . Four or five deep breaths and bye - bye , see you later , adios . I put the bag down and went over to my desk . Everything was good . I neatly stacked the papers in front of my monitor , signed places where I needed to sign and listed all my passwords . There was nothing on the hard drive anyone shouldn 't see . I didn 't want to answer but something told me it might be important . It was . " This is Hal . What 's up , Simon ? " " Hey ! Glad I caught you . " If he only knew . " Hal , I need an original signature on a form before I can finalize your rights to the game . Sorry man . " " Sure Hal . Take your time . It 's not like we don 't have plenty of it . See you when you get here . I 'll have Nancy show you in so you won 't have to wait . " " Hal ? Are you okay ? You look , I don 't know , depressed , I guess . I don 't normally say this to people but as I 've known you since the sixth grade , I think I can . You need to see somebody about losing Sally . It 's tearing you apart and has since she passed . Man , I can see it in your face . " " Listen . Do yourself a favor . Why don 't you wander down to Evangeline 's and have a cup of coffee . I want you to consider whatever it is you 're thinking about . Really think about it . Why don 't you go somewhere different for a while ? Head over to the coast . San Francisco ? Seattle ? Someplace green . I guarantee the change of scenery will do you good . " I nodded and left the building and decided Simon was right . I really wanted a cup of coffee … a last cup . Evangeline 's was on the corner . As I passed the newspaper box I glimpsed a bold headline : I shrugged . Didn 't need to read the rest . People were forever getting lost in the mountains here . But I hoped they would find whoever it was . Maybe I really did need a change . Every place I went here brought her back . I was overwhelmed with memories and I couldn 't seem to shake the despair . When I returned home , I took my suicide apparatus apart and stored the parts in different places in the garage . I realized that my biggest problem was that I retired after Sally died and mostly floated in my depression . As the day progressed I found I was feeling better . I took out a couple of suitcases and started tossing in mostly casual clothes . Before closing the suitcases , I took one last look around . Feeling a little light - headed , as if I 'd climbed too many steps at once , I opened her lingerie drawer . A whiff of her fading perfume floated gently up . Wiping a tear , I slammed it shut . I didn 't need this . Not now . But eventually , all roads lead to home . Sedona . Talk about a lovely town . With all the red rocks and rock formations around , it was a beautiful place . I desperately needed to move into something much smaller … mostly to escape memories . Over the next two weeks I looked at a number of places . Some so expensive as to make my eyes bug out at the price . Just about to give up and go to Phoenix , a place opened on the west end out against the hills . Major depression engulfed me like a thick , gray fog . For the first time in over a month I was ready to die . I bought a bottle of scotch . I sat in my living room looking out over the town with the unopened bottle in one hand , a gun in the other . The next day , I looked at my mountain bike hanging in the garage . I hadn 't ridden at all in a couple of years . I realized that hauling the bike around was going to be easier with a pickup than my Mercedes . As far as perfect Arizona days go , this had to be one of the best . Low 70 's , dry , brilliant blue sky . The trail I followed wasn 't too technical to start with as it meandered gently around boulders and cacti although it climbed continually upward . I was having the time of my life … no worries , no concerns , and I was alive . I was beginning a steep descent when I noticed tire tracks going off the trail down into a deep ravine . It was right in the curve and I hoped whoever biffed it was okay . I caught a glimpse of something out of the corner of my eye . A flash of blue ? Something . At the bottom of the descent , I stopped for water and looked back up the way I 'd come . It was a steep sucker and I 'd done well negotiating it . I thought I saw a flash of blue again up in some large rocks but then I decided I was wrong . I was still looking up there when I saw that blue flash again . I pulled the bike off the trail for the safety of anyone else coming down and started climbing up the ravine . I rounded a boulder and there , thirty feet further up was a girl , her leg caught between two large rocks . She wasn 't moving . Her lower right leg , just below her knee , was wedged between two rocks . The girl or woman , I couldn 't tell yet , was upside down , facing me . Her arms hung toward the ground , her helmet was crushed on one side . What I 'd seen was her blue jacket fluttering in the slight breeze . Quickly but carefully so I didn 't twist something myself , I climbed to her . I was afraid I was far too late to be any good . I felt her throat to see if she had a pulse . It was slow and steady . I was going to have to lift her upper body higher than the leg to extract her and it from the rocks . Thankfully , I was still in pretty good shape . I ducked below her so that her neck pressed against my chest . Gently and slowly I pushed up , raising her . She popped loose , causing me to fall backwards . I caught her in my arms as we fell to protect her from further injury as we crashed to the ground . I got her situated and took a quick look at the leg . It was definitely broken . " Uhh … " she said as she bit down the tip . She swallowed a couple of times . Letting go of the spout , she gasped , " Thanks . How bad am I , doc ? " " Looks like your right leg is broken . And I 'm not a doctor . " I had to smile . She was certainly pretty , in an ' injured female biker ' kind of way . " I haven 't looked for it . That 's secondary right now . There 's no service in this hole so I need to go up to the top . Will you be okay while I 'm gone ? " " Yeah , sure . Can … can I get more water ? " I gave her the backpack and hiked back to the top of the trail . The climb up made for shortness of breath but I did it and made the call . I enjoyed the rest of the ride back to where I parked . What a day , I thought , loading my bike in the truck . Great ride . I rescued a damsel in distress and felt better now than I had since before Sally died . I also realized I could think about her being gone without my heart flying up into my throat . Over the next several days I began trying to write , something I 'd wanted to do for years . I 'd had a couple of dystopian young adult / new adult ideas kicking around since I 'd read the ' Hunger Games ' books . But sitting inside wasn 't cutting it . I took my laptop and went down to the pool . I was deep into pounding the keys when a shadow crossed my table . Looking up I faced a good - looking woman , possibly in her mid - thirties . She had short , deep auburn hair , amazing gray eyes and a wide , beautiful smile . The woman was definitely curvaceous and about five - six or seven . She wore a dark blue bikini that was perfect on her . The only word that came to mind was ' hot . ' As in very . I shook my head . " Should I ? " She was on crutches . " I 'm sorry . Have a seat . " I pointed at the chair next to me . Sometimes , as Sally used to say , I could be thick as a brick . " Thanks . " She sat and stretched her right leg across the empty chair next to her . I saw the cast below her knee . An impish smile danced on her lips and her eyes sparkled . She set her bag on the table and leaned her crutches against another chair . " Look closely , " she said again . Trust me , I did . " Recognize me yet ? " Her voice was like liquid smoke . Throaty and sexy as could be . " Nice to meet you , again , Hal Williams . I 'm Sabrina Delgado . " We shook . I felt like a fool . I hadn 't been anywhere in ages where I could have met someone as beautiful as this woman and forgotten her . Just wasn 't possible . " Okay , Ms . Delgado , I really don 't remember you . Did I bump into your car at Safeway or something ? If I did I 'm sorry and I 'll pay for the damage . " She laughed again . " I saw you sitting here and at least I recognized you . I live over there , " she pointed about two doors down from my place . " I really can 't believe that the man who saved my life can 't remember doing it . I 'm the one with the , " she pointed at her right leg , " broken leg who no doubt would have died had you not come along . Now do you remember ? " Thick as a brick . Yep . That 's me . " That was you ? I 'm sorry I didn 't recognize you . I couldn 't see much of your face . The rest of you , well , I was busy trying to get you out of those rocks . " " Please , call me Sabrina . " She smiled brightly . " Other than my leg , I had some scrapes and bruises on my back and butt and a slight concussion . My leg has a simple break which is why I 'm now moving around . I hate hospitals which is a complete oxymoron . I 'm an orthopedic surgeon . " She laughed . " And you ? What do you do ? " " Yeah , widow . Three years ago my husband found out he had testicular cancer . He walked out in the desert and killed himself because he couldn 't live with it . " She paused . " Sorry . I realize that was too much information . On the other hand , he left me pretty well set and my practice is bustling . " We spent an hour getting to know one another before she had to go back to her place and rest . We decided to meet later . I 'd buy some food so she wouldn 't have to shop . " What did you bring ? " she asked later when I came in . She 'd changed into a translucently pale blue caftan . Made her look … ethereal , I guess , like some kind of an angel . As I sat the groceries down on her kitchen counter , she crossed between me and the setting sun , momentarily turning her caftan invisible . I honestly thought my heart would stop . She set dinnerware out on her deck table as I cooked steaks . While I was busy with the grill , she asked , " What would you like to drink ? I have wine , beer , Pepsi . " " That 's your game ? The one with the movies and novels ? The one that 's one of my all time favorites ? You wrote that ? " " But I 'm not telling all the story . It 's not been a bed of roses . A little over two years ago , I was attending an AA meeting . My wife and a friend of hers were t - boned by a woman running a stop sign at about seventy miles per hour . " I suddenly found myself choking up and took a deep drink to gather my wits . We finished eating quietly , the mood somber . Other than a comment about the game or biking , we didn 't say much more to each other . After dinner , I cleaned up while she sat on the deck . She yawned . " That 's probably best . I didn 't think this wine would wipe me out but it has . Thanks for the wonderful evening . " I bent and kissed her cheek and left . " Me too . Sorry about last night . I 'd taken a pain pill , no doubt a huge mistake . The wine finished me . Can I make it up to you tonight ? I 've had no alcohol and my leg 's tolerable today . " I almost yelled ' yes ! ' but reined myself in . " Well , if you 're up to it . How about I take you somewhere for dinner , if you haven 't eaten ? " She smiled widely . " Hi ! " Is it possible for a woman to become even more beautiful ? She managed it . Tonight she wore a soft , pale blue blouse and dark blue designer jeans . After dinner we drove up Oak Creek Canyon and enjoyed the crystal - clear desert air . The beautiful blue skies of the day faded to the black of night . At one point we stopped and looked the brilliant stars above . " Around ten . Say … I 've some excellent coffee here and I 'm made some fresh sopapillas . Care to join me for a light breakfast ? " Her sopapillas were delightful and filling . Our conversation hinted at things moving forward between us . She definitely looked good in her snug white short shorts and blue t - shirt . She cocked her hip and teased , " Why Hal Williams , I thought you were a gentleman . " Laughing at my perplexed look , she said , " You are ! And thank you for noticing . " " You were a good student . Ron , my ex , was all about him . " She blushed . " All he cared about was he 'd scored me , the college hottie . " " As a poor kid , I needed all the help I could get although I had a couple of partial scholarships . " She stopped and stared out into the distance . " I guess what I did with him makes me a whore . I had sex for money … his … and would do almost anything he suggested if it would keep me in school . I did things for him I am not proud of . " " No , I 've discussed this with my shrink , the one I needed after Ron 's suicide . I thought it was my fault he did it and , of course , it wasn 't . I 'm still dealing with it . " " I don 't care what you did before . You are here with me , right this second . And from right this second onward , that other Sabrina doesn 't exist . " Someone splashed into the cool , blue water of the pool below us . " Sabrina , please stop . I don 't care about any of that . Dry your eyes . To me you 're the incredible woman I pulled out of a ravine the other day . " My heart stopped dead in my chest . I know it did . I 've known this woman less than a week and she says that . Funny thing is that I was already feeling that way too . I offered her my hand . I never thought I 'd find another woman in a million years that could compare with Sally . I 'd done it in a week . Later , I was stirring my spaghetti sauce for dinner . She was wearing that pale blue caftan again , the one that made her look ghostly . My back was turned when she whispered , " Hal ? " Her voice sounded strange , breathless , I guess . I suddenly felt as if I had climbed a steep hill again . My chest constricted . I was short of breath . I … I couldn 't breathe … something was wrong . Terribly , terribly wrong . " … And finally , in local news tonight , the city of Sedona was stunned to hear that two of her citizens have been found dead . Noted software and game developer Hal Williams was found dead earlier today from an apparent suicide . And after a month of intense searching in and around the area , the body of noted orthopedic surgeon Dr . Sabrina Delgado was found this morning by hikers . They said it looked like she went off a trail while biking . Stay tuned for these developing stories . " Slowly I opened my eyes . I was lying on something hard and cold and no , it wasn 't my ex - husband . It was worse , if such a thing was possible . When I could focus , I saw white . I was surrounded by white . My confused mind tried to make sense of it . It couldn 't be my bed . I had blue striped sheets and it definitely wasn 't hard . It was cold , too . So , I wasn 't in my bed and I was not in a hospital bed , where was I ? I realized that I was the victim of a bad case of stupid . I had been up in the hayloft taking bales of hay off a trailer . I was in a hurry to get the hay in before this winter storm got worse and wearing the wrong shoes . Snow had blown into the open hayloft door and melted . The sill of the opening was wet and slick and I had slipped on the wet hay and fallen . How did I miss the trailer ? Didn 't know . I did know that I was a hundred yards from the house and I was in a whole world of trouble . The pain shot through me like a lightning bolt . I tried to push up with my right arm to see if I could figure out how bad off I was . It wasn 't a good idea . My right wrist was broken . As I tried not to pass out I realized that my hand was bent entirely the wrong way . Fighting for consciousness , I looked farther down my body . Right leg . Definitely broken mid - calf . I took a deep breath . I raised my left arm . It was good . Left leg ? Not so good . I 'd landed on a garden rake , one I should have put away last fall . My left calf was firmly impaled on several of the hard steel tines . I fell back , staring straight up into a blanket of white . Was this going to be my shroud ? Dead because of stupidity ? I remembered laughing with others on Facebook about people doing the stupid things people did . Karma had caught up with me . I wondered through my fog if other people were going to laugh at me for exactly the same thing . My name is Lucretia DiBartolo . ' Luke ' for short . My Dad had a terrible sense of humor and hung me with the name of a killer . Thanks Dad . But I couldn 't move . I could feel warmth where blood was puddling around my left leg and knew this wasn 't a good thing . Freeze or bleed to death . Great choice . I moaned out , " Gee , thanks Dad . " I knew it was useless to yell because there was no one on the ranch today but me . My daughter was in town with her fiancé , picking up her wedding gown . My son was overseas . The wedding was tomorrow . Shit . Mom in a cast . Wonderful . I wondered if I could get a cast to match my peach dress . My mind takes weird turns in dire situations . Who gave a crap if my dress matched my cast ? I needed to make that hundred yards first or it wouldn 't make any difference . Phone ! Of course . Gritting my teeth , I used my left hand to snake it out of my right back pocket . It was worthless . Now I 'm not a big girl at all but still , a fall from the hayloft onto an aluminum and glass phone wasn 't good and this phone was toast . Another mistake . I had been trying to make it a habit to put it in one of my breast pockets and close the button . What was the saying ? ' There is no try , only do ? ' Well I didn 't . I raised my head and tried to see through the whiteout . One hundred yards . Is that my epitaph ? One hundred yards but she wimped out ? I certainly hoped not . I had to take Dad 's advice , dead or not . I had to get to the house . I felt it getting colder and my jeans and barn jacket , warm as they were , weren 't going to cut it much longer . Slowly , I curled up , thanking God for all the crunchies I did , raised my left leg and smacked the rake handle . It fell out of my leg . I watched and waited a moment . I was bleeding but not gushing . A small miracle . I didn 't think I 'd bleed to death . " Right Dad . You ain 't out here . You died in a plane crash . In summer . So shut th ' fu … " I caught myself … " Just shut up . " To add to everything else , I was talking to a dead guy . Another elbow and knee combination . Repeat . I giggled . Like washing my graying hair ; wash , rinse , repeat . Elbow , knee , repeat . I told you I was losing it . A few more hard inches . Then a root . A ragged edge snagged my belt , stopping me dead . I screamed , or I thought I did , " Why is this tree here ? " Oh . I 'd planted it with my Dad when I was in the first grade . I felt myself beginning to lose it . My gloves were soaked . Was I going to lose fingers ? I worried about my right wrist and leg . How bad was it going to be ? I rested for a moment . After what seemed like days but was only minutes , I hoped , I looked back . The snow blocked my vision and I couldn 't see how far I 'd come . Damn . Somewhere out there ahead of me was the house , hidden in blowing snow . Well , I 've never been considered a sissy , so I pushed on . Pull with my elbow , push with my knee . I couldn 't feel my right arm now . You know ? No one ever tells you just how rough a yard can be . I thought mine was fairly smooth . Boy , was I wrong . There were sticks and rocks and more of those stupid roots . I was sure that I hit every single one of them . I made a promise to myself that if I survived this , I was going to haul in dirt and cover everything to putting green smoothness . I glanced back . I saw a short bloody trail that disappeared into the white . I think I 'd ripped my left hip open on something too . The snow thickened to the point that I couldn 't see beyond the end of my leg . Probably a good thing . There was a momentary pause in the blowing snow . I saw the driveway ! Almost there . Pull , push . Pull , push . I could see the steps leading to the kitchen . Thank God . Driving back from town , it was a good thing that I loved my girlfriend . The drive into town to pick up her wedding dress had been tough enough in the early part of the storm . Jeeze … we could have put the wedding off until next week after this storm passed . Besides her mom , it was just Linda , some mutual friends and me . Her brother was overseas and couldn 't get home . All my family was back east . They weren 't wild about me marrying some girl who lived on a ranch out in the middle of Nowhere , Idaho . At the moment , I was wondering why I was , too . I nodded . Two long hours on the road to drive five miles . Linda and her mom had the absolute best scotch and by god I was going to avail myself to some about three seconds after I got through the door . I might even take the time to pour a couple of fingers instead of slugging it down straight from the bottle . " Linda , " I looked at her , " I can see the driveway . Now , let me concentrate . Why you have this curve in it is a mystery . " She crossed her arms because she was getting huffy . Tension had been building between us . Both pre - marriage jitters and this seemingly never - ending , white - knuckle drive from town . He looked interesting so why not give it a try ? Henry Roberts looked to be in his mid - forties , tall with a good build . His profile photos showed him on a beach wearing baggy , multi - colored trunks and a nice tan . Additional pictures showed him standing in the snow with cross - country skis and wearing a bright red knit hat . His shoulder length , sandy blonde hair spilled out from under that hat . He had sexy curls , too . I kinda liked that . I hadn 't had a date in ages , although I 'd been told I was fairly attractive . I tried the on - line dating scene once , after my divorce a number of years ago . I found it a total waste of my time . Maybe on YourPlace I could meet someone in an entirely different setting ; get to know him and who knows ? I 'd heard of people meeting like this and actually getting married . I told him that I worked as a store manager for a chic boutique and loved biking and canoeing . Turned out he lived in the next town up the valley where he taught music at their local high school . He skied , hiked and kayaked . I wasn 't in a hurry to start dating , though , having been burned a couple of times before . When he suggested coffee , my children , well two of them , were excited for me . My twin daughters , fifteen , loved the idea of me dating again . My son , seventeen , was busy skateboarding and sort of dismissed mom dating as a waste of his time . We were going to meet at an Evangeline 's Bistro on the north end of my town . All day long I found myself more excited than I 'd been in a couple of years . As soon as I closed the store , I drove out to the coffee shop . I was a few minutes early so I went in and found a table by the window . The view was spectacular with spring in full force . The days were getting warmer and the nights were still a little chilly . It was one of my favorite times of year . I waited and did a little YourPlacing , chatting with my close friends around the country . After awhile I realized I was still alone . I checked my watch again and realized that my ' date ' was now thirty minutes late . This was not a good way to start a relationship . I messaged him and got no answer . I gave him another thirty minutes and if he was still a no - show , then screw him . Figuratively , of course . He didn 't and I left angry . When I got home , I kicked off my shoes , poured a glass of red wine , and then plopped on the couch . I hadn 't been stood - up since high school and it really pissed me off . Because of my red hair , or so I 'm told , I have a pretty good temper and at the moment it was running close to full tilt . I jumped up and got my laptop with the intention of unfriending this asshole . As I glanced at the mirror in the living room , a stranger looked back at me . That stopped me in my tracks . That woman had honey blonde hair and it was long ! What ? That certainly wasn 't possible . I 'm a blazing red head . Well , I was angry and tired and had been stood - up . Not a great combination to start with and maybe something from part of misspent youth was flashing back on me . Wouldn 't be the first time . I got my laptop , opened it , and went to my page . Strange , I thought , he wasn 't there . Not even in the Search YourPlace section . I worried . I was only thirty - seven and as far as I knew , too young for dementia or something . I returned to the couch and had a long swallow of my wine . As I thought about it , it occurred to me that maybe I was being played for some reason . Now I was really pissed . Why would anyone want to mess around with my mind like this ? I posted a couple of scathing comments about people who did that sort of thing , signed off , and had another glass of wine . I fed the kids , took a shower , and crashed . This was just too weird and maybe sleep would help . Next morning I found out that sleep had not helped . Something wasn 't right . I 'm busty , have a nice butt and excellent legs . Lord knows I work on them enough . To my immense surprise , my bras , all of them , were too small ! At least a full cup too small . I know my cycles and know that my breasts can go up half a cup once a month . It wasn 't that time yet . But my hair was red . Well , I was pushing forty so maybe hormonal changes were causing me to imagine things ? I held that thought until I pulled on my designer panties . They were too big ! What ? That definitely wasn 't right . The last time I wore them , exactly a week ago , they fit me perfectly . Now it was like they 'd jumped up about two sizes . So I pinned up the excess , growled at the kids , traffic , and life in general , and then went to work . I tried not to think about it . At lunch I received a message from Henry on my phone app asking if I wanted to try again . I am willing to give most people another chance so I replied with ' sure . ' Same place , same time . Same result . Knowing about kids trying to act grown up or men pretending to be women or women pretending to be men , I carefully scanned the cafe . The place was practically empty and nobody was paying the least bit of attention to me . Then I thought about trolls and stalkers . I checked the parking lot . Other than my car in front , the rest of the lot was empty . Everything was closed in the little mall but this Evangeline 's . I was being jacked around . When I got home , his account was there and a message apologizing for not meeting . Something had come up . Right . His wife , for instance ? She hugged me and didn 't make any comments about the fact I was two inches taller . I was six feet . My god . To think I 'd bitched since the eighth grade about being five - ten . But Holly didn 't say a thing . And my damn hair was now brunette . She didn 't say anything about that , either . Somebody was messing with me and I didn 't like it . Or maybe I was dreaming . Mushroom pizza before bed was always a bad idea . I took a shower and felt better but was still worried . I considered talking with Holly and Lorraine , her sister , about future care for me . Bob was with friends that night . I decided to pass on discussing this with the twins just now . I felt better after the shower so why scare them when it was obviously something else ? What , I hadn 't a clue . All kinds of terrible things went through my mind as I tried to sleep . Dressing for work the next morning , everything fit . My underwear was the right size , my blue denim skirt fit exactly right and I was back to five - ten . Maybe I 'd had some kind of weird reaction to something I 'd eaten after all . As my kids would say , I tended to keep things in the refrigerator until they developed intelligence . Dismissing it , I drove to the shop and went in ; the smell of all those flowers hit me hard . That night I sipped my rum and wondered about it . I hadn 't fallen at all most of my life . Well , once , and that was out of a tree when I was twelve . I 'd broken my arm but hadn 't hit my head . I 'd never been in a car accident and never had a bike crash . Besides , I always wore a helmet . Rum ? I looked at the glass and carefully set it down . I got up and realized my house wasn 't right . Where was that nifty little wine rack I 'd had for several years ? The one I 'd painted brick red ? My pot rack that hung over the island … that wasn 't there , either . Now I was becoming very frightened . I ran to the bathroom , just making the toilet … avocado ? Seriously ? And vomited hard until I was into dry heaves . Lorraine ran in and comforted me until I could stand and get into the shower . She helped me undress … all my underwear today was blue . Blue ? I distinctly remembered wearing pink to work . This stuff was see - through too . I don 't have anything that transparent because while I may look pretty hot , my underwear was always somewhat conservative . Hell , I was wearing a blue thong ! Turning , Lorraine stood there and looked at me , crying . There was intense sadness in her face as if facing some impending loss . I could suddenly see through her eyes . Wait ! Her body shimmered and faded . No ! The mirror above my dresser reflected … nothing . There was no reflection of me standing there , no reflection of me on the bed . Nothing . " Bite me Harold , " he said as he looked at the screen . " Mom and Dad won 't let me mess with programs like this at home . Besides , I liked her better tall with the big boobs . " " You perv , " Harold replied . " She looked good like she was . Well , I thought she was nice . You didn 't even make her ass look right . Let 's just delete all of it and start over . " " Her husband is missing . Two police officers arrive at her door . Her world collapses . Sara Sutherlin 's life changes in ways she can 't possibly imagine .
|
review WOW ! Another amazing book by author Shawna Hill ! This is the sequel to In Between Lies ( which I loved ! ) Luckily she provided this review copy to me as WOW ! Another amazing book by author Shawna Hill ! This is the sequel to In Between Lies ( which I loved ! ) Luckily she provided this review copy to me as well , so I was able to read this one right away ! I love the cover too ! When you see that , you know there are going to be some scenes in this book that make your body heat up ! A man with a body like that undoing his pants . . . . oh yeah ! So in this book , Naomi thought she would just play it safe for a while and stay out of Kevin 's way . She wasn 't sure if he thought she was dead or in jail . Plus , he had a taped confession from her , so she thought it best just to get on with her life without him . . . for now anyway . Kevin gave the confession tape to his lawyer Winston Lane , but Kevin isn 't the only one that has ties to attorney Lane ! I could not believe what happened at the Masquerade Affair ! Who is that woman all dressed in black and what is up her sleeve ? What about Savannah and Kevin . Read this sequel to find out ! This series is sure to be a winner with the readers who like romantic books with sex , drama , and suspense ! Shawna Hill is definitely an author to follow ! Ms . Hill has created an unforgettable character in Naomi . I could not stop reading this book once I started ! I never knew what was going to happen next ! I highly recommend this book ! Also I found out that there is a third book coming out in this series , so I will definitely be reading that one ! View whole blog post here : http : / / www . blackdiamondsbookreviews . comShawna Hill asked me if I would review her books , and I am so glad she did ! Have you ever read her books before ? If you haven 't , you really should ! If she hadn 't contacted me , I would have really missed out on reading her awesome work ! Savannah and Kevin seemed so right for each other . There was just a feeling that Savannah had though that kept coming up . She just felt like something wasn 't quite right . She wasn 't the only one that saw it either , but she wanted to make things work . Yeah . . . about Kevin . . . . he had someone from his past try to get back with him - - Naomi . He just couldn 't decide between Savannah ( the good girl ) or Naomi ( the freak ) . He wanted both of them , but finally he made his decision . The woman he let go wasn 't going to let go so easy though . Kevin made me so mad sometimes . I just wanted to tell him to stop with all of the women . Just settle down with one and be happy . When you are reading a book like this you just want to tell the characters , come on , don 't you see what is going on . Naomi . . . I don 't even want to talk about her . You have to read the book to see for yourself who she is ! I highly recommend this book ! I was just so impressed by this first book from Shawna Hill ! I can definitely say that it was a page turner and kept my interest thoughout the whole book . You will not be bored at all when you read this ! At the end though I was like what , that 's the end ! It definitely left me on the edge of my seat and ready to get started on the next book Intimate Illusions , which I will be reviewing tomorrow ! . . . more review I loved the cover of this book ! It 's definitely different than the usual book with the man and half - naked woman on the front . When I looked at the cov I loved the cover of this book ! It 's definitely different than the usual book with the man and half - naked woman on the front . When I looked at the cover close , I thought the man on the cover looked familiar ! What do you think of the cover ? Raymond Miller , Jr . was the Bishop of God 's Deliverance Ministries . He had to take over for his father , Raymond Miller , Sr . because he wasn 't quite " with it " anymore . He had a crazy ass mom named Ruth . She planned everything for him , even his marriage . Raymond , Jr . liked to fool around on his wife Katherine , and his mom covered up for him . Katherine is Raymond , Jr . 's wife , and she was getting tired of the crap . Raymond , Jr . hadn 't touched her in 2 years and claimed that he was working late all the time . One day she wasn 't feeling good , and her monster - in - law Ruth didn 't believe her and wanted Katherine to meet her at her office . Well , she found out Katherine wasn 't lying when she threw up . Ruth was one of those characters that just made my blood boil . If she was in my presence , I swear I would have wanted to smack her ! Raymond , Jr . 's brother Anthony didn 't feel like he was as good as his brother Raymond , Jr . He felt like his parents didn 't love him as much as his brother . He and Janae were expecting a baby , but why wasn 't Anthony happy ? I was totally shocked when I found out what was in the yellow envelope ! Also , when Raymond , Jr . was introduced to Leslie , my jaw dropped ! I was not expecting that at all . Pulpit Confessions was one of those books that was hard to put down . It had a great plot , and many surprises to keep you entertained throughout the entire book . It had those characters , like Ruth , who you just hate and wished the worst for them , and the same thing for Raymond , Jr . , and then Katherine who you felt sorry for . Peron F . Long is an amazing writer , and I look forward to reading more from him ! review I couldn 't wait to read the second installment in The MPire series ! Mallory has a very important position in his family . He found out in book one that I couldn 't wait to read the second installment in The MPire series ! Mallory has a very important position in his family . He found out in book one that he is one of the four horsemen - - death . His job is to collect souls and decide where to send them - - heaven or hell . The weird things is that he never believed in God , but that has definitely changed . The problem is though that in order to do his job fully , he has to replace the current person in the position of Death which is his father . His father is supposed to step down , but he doesn 't want to . I found out some very surprising things about Mallory 's past . At a very young age he had to deal with something very terrible . This comes out in this second book , and I was very surprised to find out who was actually behind all of it . T . L . James has a way of writing that really grips you from beginning to end ! The characters are unforgettable . Her writing is unique ! I thoroughly enjoyed this second installment in the MPire triology and highly recommend it ! I am very excited about read the next book to see what happens next ! . . . more review My First Reaction When I Finished : Wow ! What a page turner ! I was so surprised at all of the action at the end ! My Review : Brian was really a smart kid , My First Reaction When I Finished : Wow ! What a page turner ! I was so surprised at all of the action at the end ! My Review : Brian was really a smart kid , but he hung with the wrong crowd . They are out to do things to make money , and Brian is really having a bad feeling about what they are planning to do . It really goes against who he is , but then his girlfriend Carla tells him something unexpected . Suddenly , he just doesn 't know which way to go with it . Even though he knows what they are doing is wrong and will really hurt someone he has known a long time , the money is just looking so good . Does he do what is right , or does money rule his decision ? Jawan was such a dedicated teacher and he really wanted to help Brian out . He reminded him of his nephew that he lost . He really wants to make a difference in kids lives , and Brian just really seems like he could use his guidance since he does not have any kind of male role model . Brian 's mother tries to do everything she can to bring Brian up the right way , even if it means keeping her past relationship troubles to herself . She also works as hard as she can to support them , but she has a secret of her own . I 've read most of Dwayne Joseph 's books , and each one keeps getting better ! I see more growth in his writing every time a new book comes out ! His novels are becoming less about relationship drama and more about real life issues that really hit home for some people . This book was a very quick read for me and kept me turning the pages faster as I got closer to the end . I was very impressed with this book ! Do I recommend ? Yes , go out and buy this one ! visit my blog at http : / / www . blackdiamondsbookreviews . com for my review on this and other great books ! Cover Inspection : The woman on the cover is very pretty , but she looks pretty pissed off at the world . She looks like she has had enough and doesn 't want anyone to mess with her . First Thoughts : Wow , this book starts right out with the drama . Lonnie 's life is being turned upside down . My Review : After seeing the great reviews on this book , I decided to buy it . I don 't remember exactly how I came upon this book , but it sounded good . I wondered when I started reading what kind of drama Lonnie would be going through . I have been reading a lot of relationship drama books and wondered if this one would be any different . I found out after reading it that it sure was different ! This book is told from Lonnie 's point of view . She finds out that Johnny is cheating on her . He said it just happened at a time when they weren 't as close . So instead of talking it over and telling her his feelings , he just goes out and finds another woman to satisfy him . They were even supposed to get married too . After all this then other drama happens in her life , including drama at her job . Drama just seems to follow her around . I loved this book and it kept me entertained . This is a book that I couldn 't put down ! I give this book 5 / 5 diamonds and I highly recommend others to buy this book ! I look forward to reading more books by Denise Coleman ! I was excited to see this book on the Pump Up Your Book tour . Actually my friend Staci told me about it because she knows I love reading urban books . I was looking forward to reading this book and enjoyed it because I like reading the " street talk " . It makes the story come to life . The author did an excellent job with the street talk , and it seems like a book with all of the street talk would be a little tough to write . The first thing that happens in this book is the main character Whiskey was paid to murder Pastor Leon McBride . His fiancee ' was happy to hear when her cheating pastor husband was dead , especially since she is the one that paid to have him killed . Whiskey gets paid to murder people along with dealing drugs . He never feels bad for any of the murders he commits . Here is a sample quote from the book : You gotta peel his cap back , homie . David done told us dat you da man when it comes to deadin ' niggas . We know da dude 's livin ' down in y ' all 's neck o ' da woods an ' shit . So can you take care of the light work for us or what ? P . 16I liked this book and was surprised at the ending . I would like to read the next book to see what happens ! review Yes , this definitely does meet my standards Brian ! Larry is from San Diego , California . He lost his wife Deidra to Brian cancer . They have an Autistic Yes , this definitely does meet my standards Brian ! Larry is from San Diego , California . He lost his wife Deidra to Brian cancer . They have an Autistic daughter named Chrissy . On the same day , Nina , a stripper from New Orleans , Louisiana . lost her boyfriend Flip in a drive by shooting . They have a baby named Precious . Larry and Nina met at the strip club , and then they get married . Larry 's best man Terry was thinking that this marriage was not for the best and asked Larry if he was sure , and he said he was . Nina 's friend Val kept asking her the same thing . Val said : " Nina , you know damn well you ain 't lookin ' forward to being the biggest nigga in the bed . Besides , you already admitted that you aren 't physically attracted to him . He 's older than you . You 've already admitted that he 's got a little dick and he doesn 't eat pussy . So I can only conclude that you 're about to marry this man because he has money . " p17Nina thinks she will grow to love Larry . Nina seems so ungrateful . I mean she marries this rich man with a hug ehouse , and she wasn 't happy because their daughters would be sharing rooms . She wanted her daughter Precious to have her own room . Plus , Larry 's daughter was handicapped , so that was another problem . Of course , something happened to make Nina have a secret . You will have to read the book to see what it was . I was surprised about how her friend Val treated this information . My favorite character is Larry . He is just such a good guy . He would do anything for anybody and was a real gentleman . Nina , on the other hand . . . . well . . . . just read the book to find out what you think about Nina and her secret . I was very surprised at the ending . I like how it ended , but I thought it would go the other way from what it did . I highly recommend this book ! This is the first book that I 've read by Brian W . Smith , and can 't wait to read the other two that he sent to me ! Visit my blog at http : / / www . blackdiamondsbookreviews . com ! review Come on , after seeing this cover I knew I had to read this one . Just looking at the woman on the front ! You know this book has to be erotic ! Seria and Come on , after seeing this cover I knew I had to read this one . Just looking at the woman on the front ! You know this book has to be erotic ! Seria and her man James are in open relationship . Although he is her number one man and she is his number one woman , they can still get it on the side . She had someone unexpected show up at her house and had some drama . After he left , she tried to call James , but she couldn 't get ahold of him - - even when she texted that it was an emergency . This is when being in an open relationship got to her . She knew he was off with another woman . " It was all good though . If he couldn 't be around to comfort me , someone else would . Or should I say something would . One thing for sure , batteries always worked whenever a man wouldn 't . " ( p . 38 ) Then there is Desiree . She works with Seria in the data entry department . She has been stressed out . Seria 's massage man Precious can tell what she needs . He told her she needs a man in her life . She knows she needs a man , but who ? Maybe the hot mailroom clerk named Sam ? Sam would come into the office to deliver her mail every day , but she was afraid to make a move on him . Seria knew that Sam was interested in Desiree but Desiree was just chicken . Seria says : " Desiree thinks that I look exotic or some shit like that and that 's why people are so attracted to me , but I kept telling her that every woman has something , they just have to figure out what that is and learn how to work it . It 's all about the attitude , more than anything , not the outside look . What folks were attracted to is my attitude . People like people who are sure of themselves . Underneath the makeup and clothes , I am just the same as anyone else . I just know who to work with what I got . I 'm sure about myself . I 'm just as sure about how I like to be sexed and I ain 't afraid to say it . Desiree hasn 't discovered her something yet , and heaven knows she covers up her attitude with butt - ugly clothes , so me and Precious have been pushing her to go for what she wants , to live her fantasy and discover . . . more Check out my post on my blog : http : / / cherylbaryl . blogspot . com / 2011 / . . . I love a good mystery book and I was not disappointed at all with this one ! I was so lucky to have gotten the chance to review this book through the Pump Up Your Book Tour ! Nola Billingsley takes her dog out for a walk and finds a dead body . It happens to be her former employee . Her dog Skootch was the one who sniffed and found the body . He pointed at the park bench where it was . That was the first time he ever pointed at anything besides the refrigerator . The former employee 's name was Roger . We find out in this book that he was stealing from the company . But the big question is who killed Roger and why ? I loved Skootch . He is a dog with so much personality . It was so cute how Nola would go out to eat and bring back a doggie bag for Skootch . He always expected it too ! Roger was involved with more than one company . A part of the book I thought was so funny was when Nola found herbs addressed to Roger from The Ancient Turtle Company . The instructions on the herbs were to ingest them 3 hours before sex and they would improve your sex life . Well , good ol ' Skootch gets ahold of these herbs . " What 's the matter with you ? " I studied the panting pointer . Suddenly I realized , It must be the elixir causing this eruption of libido . I grabbed Skootch 's snout and turned his eyes up to me so that he could see my disgust . Just when I thought I had his attention , his sex - crazed pupils snapped to the left , he jerked his head from my hands and took off . ( p . 196 ) Nola ends up trying to investigate the case herself . She is a technology whiz and gets herself in some pretty sticky situations , but she is quite the investigator . Of course there is a detective assigned to the case , Detective Harrison . Nola and Detective Harrison fall for each other . Of course Nola lives with her mom Janie Belle , so it 's a little tough taking a man home when you are living with your mother ! If you enjoy a good mystery , be sure to check out this book . It had a great mix of mystery , romance , an . . . more review I really had no idea what to expect when I started reading this book . Several African American men are murdered . The first is Dr . Banks . He is shot an I really had no idea what to expect when I started reading this book . Several African American men are murdered . The first is Dr . Banks . He is shot and killed as he is getting out of his car at the parking structure as he was returning to work from his " lunch break " . J . C . , a female homicide detective , was called to the scene . After more murders she has a theory about what is going on , but the lieutenant doesn 't want to hear it . J . C . , Vernetta , Nichelle , and Special were all friends , but lost their friend Maya who supposedly died of pneumonia . Maya left a husband behind named Eugene . Special comes into the funeral and announces something to the crowd about Maya 's death that is a surprise to everyone . Vernetta is a lawyer and has a boss named O ' Reilly . She has been trying to get partner for the longest time , but a new lawyer named Haley tries to move in and take the spotlight from her . Nichelle is also a lawyer but at a different firm . There are so many twists and turns in this book . I thought I figured out who the killer was , but then I wasn 't sure because then it seemed like it could be someone else . It was a total surprise to find out the answers at the end ! There are so many surprises . I didn 't find any faults at all with this book and highly recommend it ! I love thrillers , so I was excited that I got picked to read and review this book ! I wasn 't sure how this book would be because I saw that the author went to medical school , so I was kind of worried that there would be too much medical jargon that I wouldn 't understand . I was pleasantly surprised that this was not the case . I do admit that the book started a little slow for me . When I originally signed up to read this book , I was supposed to review it last month . I started it then found out it was being moved , so I put my reading on hold . I got going on it again and when I got up to about 48 or so pages , it started to pick up for me and I really became interested in this book Once this book got going , it really went quick and I couldn 't put it down ! I would recommend this book for people that like to read a good thriller . There was plenty of action and it is a page turner ! Cover Inspection : Looks like a gangsta book , but it looks like the woman in the picture takes a big role since she is in front and the men are hanging out in the back . First Thoughts : So Big Mo is the leader of the Chedda Boyz and they were selling weed and murdering people . Mo has some kind of secret that he is keeping from his girl Stacy . I want to read and see if I can find out what this big secret is . My Review : I 've read a few street lit books so far , and wondered how this would be in comparison . If you have ever read a street lit book , you know someone is going to be killed and there will be drugs and sex . The killings in this book really surprised me . The sex in this book - - it definitely gets the juices flowing . There was one part though that kinda made me sick . You will have to read it and just see what that 's all about . There were quite a few characters in this book and in the beginning it was a little confusing , but the author really did a good job of making the characters come to life for me , and I got to know the characters a lot better throughout the book . Overall this was a great read . It was full of action , of course I mentioned the intense sex , and it had twists and turns everywhere . I recommend this book and give it 4 / 5 diamonds and I will be buying the next book Mo ' Chedda because I want to see what happens next ! He definitely hooked me and kept me wanting more at the end ! When I saw this book up for review from the Pump Up Your Book virtual tour , I was very interested in reading it . I haven 't read any of James LePore 's other books , but I thought this short story would be a good introduction to his writing . There were three short stories in this book . The author says in his introduction that these stories involve the main characters from his book A World I Never Made . My favorite short story in this book was Max . This book is good if you are short on time and want to read some interesting little short stories . I am interested in reading his book A World I Never Made to see how these characters all tie in to the story . Niqi wants to be able to talk to her fiancee Chance , but he never seems to want to talk to her unless he starts the conversation . Their life in the bedroom is stale and he always seems to be working or on business trips . She sees this guy named Denim who is so HOT , but she is engaged and doesn 't want to complicate her life . Then Tiffany comes along . She seems to be trying to meddle in their lives . Whenever she brings Tiffany 's name up in coversation with Chance , he doesn 't want to talk about it . She just thinks something is fishy about it . This would have almost been a perfect book if it weren 't for a few things . First of all , the book is written in first person with Niqi telling the story . Sometimes though it switches to third person even in the same sentence . I 've never written a book , so I know it has to be hard to keep everything straight sometimes . Also , when characters are talking , it was hard sometimes to differentiate who was talking when there were two quotes within a sentence . Other than that , it was perfect ! I loved this book , and L . M . Blakely did an awesome job with it . The characters came to life for me . I didn 't have any trouble remembering who was who . Sometimes authors can overload you and introduce so many people that you can 't keep them straight , but that was not the case here at all ! There was always some kind of drama going on , and I never knew what to expect next ! I love a book like this that you can 't predict what is going to happen or how it 's going to end ! I highly recommend this one ! Three Reasons Review : 1 ) Reasons I chose this book : * I have been reviewing books for the Pump Up Your Book Tour and this book is listed on the tour . I have been reading a lot of books by black authors / urban lit , so I jumped at the chance to read this book as soon as I saw it on the Pump Up Your Book Tour ! * I also was asked by Richarh Tyson a / k / a Daddy Rich to interview Frank C . Matthews for the March issue of Urban Image Magazine , so that really made me want to read the book even more and find out more about the author . 2 . ) Reasons you liked or disliked this book : Reasons I liked this book : * Cat was really determined . He may have gone about getting things the wrong way , but he got what he wanted . He was tired of how boring his life was and tired of seeing things other people had that he didn 't have . He saw someone with a big wad of money , and he wanted that too . He wanted the easy life . He knew how to pull off a jux , so he just needed to recruit some people to his secret society of thieves . * Cat really came up with some good recruits and he was smart . After he recruited the people , he kind of stepped down and focused on finding the jobs so they could carry the jobs out . * Cat really knew how to pull off the job . When someone thought that they had everything that they could possibly get from the victim , Cat knew other places to look to make sure there wasn 't more . * If you have read my blog at all , you know I am all about the sex scenes . This book had some really hot sex scenes in it . * I got really immersed in this book and was really rooting for Cat and his recruits , even though what they were doing was so totally wrong . I just got so caught up in the book ! * This book was a page turner ! I didn 't dislike anything about this book ! 3 . ) Reasons you are recommending this book * I definitely recommend this book because it really was fast moving and a page turner ! * Need I remind you about the sex scenes : ) * Frank C . Matthews is a talented writer and you should read his work ! . . . more review Hope and Faith are twins that go to the Crockett University in Washington , D . C . They belong to the sorority called Alpha Phi Fuckem . Hope and Faith ( S Hope and Faith are twins that go to the Crockett University in Washington , D . C . They belong to the sorority called Alpha Phi Fuckem . Hope and Faith ( Soror Ride ' Em High and Soror Lick ' Em Low ) and the other people in these sororities are freaky with a capital F . In the beginning of the book there was a convention . Everyone had to bring a playmate . They went to a private casino in the hotel and got to cash in their chips for sexual favors from the person of their choice . Then they had APF Freak Night in their dorm room . The men went upstairs to their laptops and the women were downstairs . They had virtual sex . The women got to control the men 's vibrating thongs and the men got the controls to the women 's vibrators . Then they got to meet up after the men all blew their loads . Faith meets Kevin at the college . She starts to fall for him . He is an older man and just what Faith wants . He has the moves and seems to have a " magical dick " . Seems as though she is not the only one who thinks his dick is magical . This was a quickie that 's for sure . I got through this book in no time . If you like your sex kinky and wonder what the Sorer Twister can do ( I had to re - read this part to figure out how she did it ) , then go and pick this book up . This is one you will want to buy and keep on hand if you are feeling in the mood for a quick erotic read . I was very surprised by the ending and know now why Zane is the erotica Queen ! 5 out of 5 diamonds ! Check out my blog at http : / / www . blackdiamondsbookreviews . com / Well , this is my first Allison Hobbs book . I was really looking forward to reading it because she is my friend on Facebook , and I knew I was going to love her writing ! Terelle is trying to get everything ready for her baby daddy Marquise to come home from prison . He is in there on drug charges . She talks to him on the phone a lot , even though it costs and arm and a leg . She is working as much as she can to try to get the bills paid and make a good life for him when he gets home . " Terelle let out a sigh . She was so tired . Tired of being lonely , tired of struggling to take care of Markeeta alone , tired of juggling bills . And she was sick and tired of dealing with her mother 's issues - - her unending problems . Her mother , Cassandra Chambers , had been on and off drugs for most of Terelle 's life . At present , Cassandra was clean . She 'd been clean for three months , the longest time ever . " p . 3Terelle had to be ready at any minute to take off work and go get Marquise . Finally the day came when he got to come home . " He 'd grown up in prison - - matured . The things he used to do , he was no longer interested in doing . He promised : no more running the streets , no jump - off chicks on the side ; no more hustling ; no more hugging the block all day and until the wee hours of the morning . The drug game couldn 't be won . He realized that now . He was going to work a straight job . Be a family man . " p . 41He was on house arrest though and couldn 't leave the house for 90 days . Terelle loved him being confined to the house and really wasn 't looking forward to his house arrest being done . Terelle 's mom Cassandra came over and accused Marquise of something shocking . Of course , Marquise denied it , but Terelle didn 't know what to think . Marquise started to get a little too comfortable at home and was going to start back at old habits , but Terelle wasn 't going to let him . He just didn 't feel right having her being the breadwinner , and he wanted to get out there and contribute . He knew though that he needed to do what he had to in order to make her happy anotes Notes are private ! Three Reasons Review1 ) Reasons I Chose This Book : * Of course , the first reason I chose this book is because I got an e - mail from the Pump Up Your Book Tour looking for people to review it ! * Before I even read anything about this book , the cover really caught my eye . Who can resist a book with beautiful flowers on the front ? 2 ) Reasons You Liked or Disliked This Book : * Reading this book was like taking a trip down memory lane . I know it takes place in the 50 's , but there were so may memories that came flooding back to me along the way in this book . * Sadie Ann Melton was spending the summer at her grandparents and was looking at a hay baler and the sights and sounds reminded me of the barn that used to be behind my parent 's home that is no longer there because it was so old and had to be torn down . . * They went to the Saturday night drive - in and got Pepsis and popcorn . I could just remember times from my childhood when we used to go to the drive - in ! I can just taste the ice cold Pepsi and the crunchy popcorn ! * I loved this quote from the book : p . 19 " To me , life is a huge pie , each slice a different flavor . Childhood is definitely lemon . " * Sadie found out a lot about herself this summer . She had some hard truths revealed to her , and she really grew up this summer . * Sadie camped out with her grandparents and it reminded me of camping at my grandparent 's cabin . I could just smell the campfire and the love of my family all sitting around and having a good time . At the cabin there was no phone or TV just the good old cabin and the wildlife . The river ran behind the cabin and we could hear the people floating by on their canoes . * Everything that happened in Sadie 's life had a flavor and I just loved how she put the flavors with the moment . * There was nothing about this book that I disliked - - I loved everything about this book ! 3 ) Reasons You Are Recommending This Book : * This is just an all around excellent book that is sure to bring memories back from times when life was a lot more simple . * I want to thank Emily . . . more The book starts out with a homeless man pushing a rickety shopping cart in the 90 degree New Orleans heat . Everything this homeless man had left is in this shopping cart . Some young punks came along and started picking on him and tried to take his cart . He did what he had to and defended himself by beating one of the boys named Bookie . A friend of Bookie named QJ found a lead pipe and he was going to attack the homeless man for beating his friend Bookie . QJ was told by a homeless woman who was nearby not to do it , and he was having second thoughts about hitting the homeless man . " Don 't do it son " said the homeless man . " Shut yo ass up ! " QJ retorted . " You split my boy 's eye . I 'm about to split yo head " . " I only hit him because he tried to steal my stuff , " the man said . " The stuff in that cart is all I got . . . since I lost you QJ . " Time seemed to stand still as QJ stood there with a perplxed look on his face . He thought he heard the man say , " since I lost you , QJ . " Apparently QJ 's facial expression reflected his bewilderment . He could feel his anger grow as he looked into the begging eyes of the bleeding homeless man . " What did you just say ? " " You heard me , son . It 's me - - your daddy . " p . 12The homeless man then told QJ to run and told him where to hide from the police . QJ couldn 't believe what he heard - - the homeless man said that he was his daddy . That couldn 't be right . His mother told him that his father was dead . The homeless man 's name is Quincy . He was married to QJ 's mom , and then they had QJ . They started having marital problems and then he started drinking and got into drugs . When QJ was five , Quincy 's wife Carmen sent him to the store with some money , and he didn 't return for 3 days . He just didn 't seem to care anymore . " Without any forewarning , Quincy packed a bag full of clothes , a large bottle of Hennessey he had in the cabinet , tip - toed into QJ 's bedroom and kissed the child on his forehead , and then left the house . A decade would pass before he would come face - to - face with his son again . " p . 17 . QJ confro . . . more When you see that this book is a true story about Fredric A . Almond Sr . and read that he was stabbed 39 times you might think that this will be a book about what happened and how he tried to seek revenge . This is not the case AT ALL . This book was short but very powerful . Not only was Fredrick stabbed at the young age of 11 , but his 33 year old mother was also stabbed 50 times and killed by a burglar . He was very lucky to have lived to tell this story . I felt sorry for him when I read about how he looked at himself after being stabbed and felt ugly . Yes , he was feeling bad about himself , but he moved on and got on with his life . Fredric put his faith in God , and God healed him . He really felt like giving up sometimes , but he knew God had a plan for him . His work on the earth was not done . He believes that everyone has a purpose on this earth , and God will not take you until you make the difference in the world that you were brought here to make . I really enjoyed and recommend this book ! It was very inspirational . Fredrick could have gone on about how hard his life is and been mad at the world for what happened to him and his mom , but he decided to turn things around and be an inspiration to others . Scarred for Life will be a book you won 't soon forget . There were times I felt like crying , but Fredric A . Almond , Sr . has a way of lifting you up and making you feel like you can overcome anything . In the Acknowledgments , Renee Allen McCoy cites this bible verse : " Train up a child in the way he should go , And when he is old he will not depart from it , " Proverbs 22 : 6 . I love it ! The main characters that you will read about in this book are Isaiah and Justine . I like the fact that the chapters go back and forth between each character 's point of view . I always enjoy finding out what each of the characters is thinking ! Isaiah wanted to get closer to God , but Justine just blew all of that talk off . She was afraid to settle down with Isaiah and wanted to see what else was out there before . That 's why she was also seeing Tony . Hector wanted Isaiah to go out with a woman named Deborah that was really into him . Isaiah just didn 't know what to do because he was with Justine , but he just needed a break from everything too . I liked Isaiah because he knew that he wanted and he made changes to his life for the better . He believed that God had bigger and better things for him , and he made a decision and stuck to it no matter what . Justine was the character that you just never knew what she would do next and believe me when I say that you will not forget her after you read this book ! The Kiss of Judas by Renee Allen McCoy was a very enjoyable book that I would recommend ! review This book had me hooked from the start ! I really thought Donovan was a jerk . Yes , Teri was really focused on her career and didn 't pay enough attentio This book had me hooked from the start ! I really thought Donovan was a jerk . Yes , Teri was really focused on her career and didn 't pay enough attention to Donovan , but it sure was no excuse for Donovan to go off and have an affair in the first place . Neither one of them is perfect though . Teri really should have cut down on her hours and tried to get her marriage working better instead of trying to find a friend in Sean . Donovan wanted her to quit her job . I think she was afraid she would do that and he would just keep cheating on her and she would have no job and no husband . The Lies That Bind was a page turner that was just full of surprises ! I enjoyed every bit of this book , even though I got mad at the characters sometimes . The sex scenes were HOT ! Nothing like a book with sex and suspense all wrapped up in one ! D . L . Sparks did an excellent job bringing the characters to life for me , and I look forward to reading more from her ! I bought this book not realizing that I should have read DOUBLE DIPPIN ' and BIG JUICY LIPS first . I didn 't have any problem getting into this book though . It was easy to just pick it up and get hooked ! I do plan on reading those other two books though to see how it all started ! Misty sure is something else . She always gets what she wants and doesn 't care what she has to do to get it . She doesn 't even realize how crazy she really is . She really gets her business going and will do anything to make more cash . She will use any man she can find for her " escort service " and will use him in any manner that she says . Brick sure had a tough decision to make at the end ! I loved this book and it kept me hooked and not wanting to stop reading until the end ! I am a huge fan of Allison Hobbs and plan on reading every book that she has written eventually ! If you have not read a book by Allison Hobbs , you are really missing out ! It 's not all about the sex either . Yeah , there is a lot of sex in this book that is like , WHOA ! , let me read that part again , but it has a great story to go along with it . review Okay , I will admit right now that it took a while to read this book . It was not at all because I didn 't like it or that it was hard to read . When you Okay , I will admit right now that it took a while to read this book . It was not at all because I didn 't like it or that it was hard to read . When you read it you will find out why . This book is so erotic that it will make all of your other fantasies seem like nothing . After all , have you ever heard of a tonguegasm ? I haven 't until I read page 8 ! Fruit isn 't just for salad . What else can you do with it mango , tangerines , strawberries and bananas ? Read this book and see . I think you will look at fruit in a whole new light ! All I could handle is about a chapter a night . Yes , this is a book you don 't want your children to see . Make sure you hide it between your mattresses or in your toy / lube drawer . ( You have one right ? If not you might want to - - no you need to ! Your spouse / lover / whatever just may not be able to keep up ! ) I will tell you what though , they won 't be complaining about you reading this one ! Some people may be put off by the title , but I really don 't know what else it could have been called . I had a picture of this book on Facebook and was accused of reading books " on the edge of porn " . This is not on the edge baby , this is off the cliff ! I don 't know how Dean comes up with his stories , but I hope he doesn 't stop ! This is definitely a book to buy . First of all , I am not sure if a library would even carry this book . If they did , I don 't think it would ever make it back ! I was amazed when I read that this story was based on true events from Susan Kronick 's life ! I was very excited to review this book ! I have to admit here that I do believe in ghosts . Of course , I would never tell my children that . I always tell them there is no such thing , but I think they can feel it . When I was growing up in my childhood home , I had an experience where I was laying in my bed and I felt something " sit " on the covers on top of my legs . I assumed it was my dog . I looked , but nothing was there . I was so freaked out that I pulled the covers over my head and prayed I would be able to fall asleep . My room was by the attic too ! When I got married , we lived in a trailer on some property . The man next door died , and I could feel a presence after that for a while . We moved into a house after a while . After we first moved in , I saw shadows . Now I have to tell you that my husband totally did not believe in ghosts until we moved into our house . He saw the shadows too ! After a while , they stopped . Oh , and our dog would NOT go down to or near the basement . He refused . I even tried to pick him up and take him down , and he jumped out of my arms . He will go down there now though . The ghost must like us I guess ! Oh yeah , and one place I used to work . I would work late at night by myself and I would hear something fall in the basement , or footsteps across the room . I used to take my daughter to work with me after she was born up until she was 6 months , then she went to daycare . Sometime later I brought her to work with me . That day , the door opened up by itself . I assumed it was the ghost just coming to check in on the little one ! Okay , well back to the book . Susan Kronick did an awesome job with this book ! She knows a lot about the different types of ghosts ! I was highly entertained and educated while I was reading her book ! I was really hoping that whatever ghosts were bothering her would just stop . She really made the story come alive with her trip to Austria ! Oh , and her husband , he sounds like my husband . He tho . . . more Three Reasons Review ( borrowed from : jennylovestoread . blogspot . com ) 1 . ) Reasons you chose this book * I like to read mysteries * It sounded like an interesting book ! 2 . ) Reasons you liked or disliked this book * I liked the mystery when certain things kept coming up , like the snake stone and Eagle Road . It seemed like signs were coming up everywhere . I found this very interesting . * Now I am a Christian , but the religious parts of this book just took away from the story for me . I really found myself skimming over those parts of the book . * I had kind of a hard time staying in tune with the story . 3 . ) Reasons you are recommending this book * I struggled with this book but visit Amazon and look at other reviews , because it really depends on what you like . review Kim and Todd were brother and sister from the same mother , Linda . They lived with her and Kennedy who is Todd 's biological father . This is something t Kim and Todd were brother and sister from the same mother , Linda . They lived with her and Kennedy who is Todd 's biological father . This is something that really put a strain on Kim and Todd 's relationship . Kennedy had several children from other women and had to try to work to support all of his children . He would get very violent with his wife . She always told Todd to promise her never to hit a woman . Kim and Todd just couldn 't get along because he accused her of not doing something that he told her to do , and he blamed her for something that happened . She felt terrible and she had to get away from there . Her and Todd didn 't see each other for 10 years . Kim gets a great new job and an apartment . She is told that her new boss Rachel is a hard person to work for . ( It kind of reminded me of " The Devil Wears Prada " . She was that kind of a boss . ) She runs into her brother and really doesn 't want anything to do with him . Rachel decides to take Kim out to eat to kind of get to know her better , when who do they run into but Kim 's brother Todd . Rachel is very interested in Todd and they start dating . Kim is worried because she doesn 't want to get fired if things don 't work out between them . Todd has some friends that are kinda strange , but Bubba ends up really being a true friend and helping him out . Rachel has some secrets in her life and Kim is determined to find out what is going on . I was very surprised at the ending at what the secrets were and what happened at the end . This book deals with real issues that people face . I was very sad to read that the author grew up in a home where his father abused his mother , but I am glad to hear that she was a survivor of it . I am lucky that I did not grow up in this type of environment . I really appreciate the life I had growing up and feel really sorry for the people that have to go through domestic violence . Brian Smith really writes about important issues that people face , and he did an excellent job writing this book . I was glad to see that the book had some humor as well . K . . . more Pasha told her fiancee that she would not stray during his stay in prison . She had some great oral skills and came up with a plan to help keep her occupied . Everything was going great for her , but things started getting a little out of hand ! If you are a fan of erotica , then you definitely need to read this one ! Obviously , from the title , there is a lot of deep throatin ' going on ! Yeah , it sure is deliciously dirty ! Be ready ! I was very impressed by this book ! It 's the first one of Cairo 's that I have read ! I was on the edge of my seat and the end was shocking ! I highly recommend this book ! I cannot wait to read more of Cairo 's books !
|
Claire walked to police station as she did any other day taking in all the detail of the people of the street she could . She waved to a few people , but no one approached her in a neighborly fashion to ask her about her morning . She was born to the streets of Elma but not welcomed like some . She sipped on the cup of tea she had brought with her from her big fancy mansion . She was only stopped by a small child tugging on her black dress almost causing her to trip . Calmly , she turned around to see a tiny child crying . It was not that strange of an occurrence . Everyone knew everyone in the town so every child knew who the police were when they got lost . " Hep me , powlice lady . I cant fin my mummy , " the small boy asked through teary brown eyes . She spotted his mother immediately knowing the family . " Hey , Moraine , your sons over here , " she called out to the woman . As the woman came rushing to get her son , Claire noticed a face she had not seen much . Something about him seemed different . No one was greeting him and he was greeting no one . Her curiosity told her to go over to him , but she knew she could not at the moment . They would worry about her if she did not at least check in . She wondered with a sigh if having someone care was a blessing or a curse . She forced her eyes off of him and continued on to work . Her gut cringed though as she got the feeling she would be seeing him again soon . She sighed in after she entered the doors . She pushed her wavy brown hair out off her face as she stood back up and collided with someone . She said nothing to them for it was one of the new officers who had been giving her trouble . He called after her and even walked behind following her to her desk demanding an apology . She ignored him though finding silence a better statement than any . When he finally left after one of the chiefs scolded him , she found herself watching the door . She wanted him to walk through it so badly she did not know why . She waited impatiently for something to happen and even tapped her pen on the table some . Her green eyes never even flickered from the door . No one in the room dared messed with her . They could all tell she was focused on something or thinking up something important . Walking past several streets he found himself by the police station , it was a small thing and it seemed to send out police on patrols every quarter of an hour . Neverin thought this funny , he would want to attack a cute town like this , it was so . . . . . . neutral , he knew otherwise though , its past was a dark and gloomy one ! Filled with mysteries and untold story 's , checking his watch breifly he saw that it was ten after twelve , it was starting to hit off into the after noon he since he had gotten here he had not ran into one clue to why he was her . Stepping along the side walk became repetitive , so he stepped of into the paved road , it was rough but most towns werent even paved yet . Checking for signs of his past he drew his gaze upon a small chappel building , it was only two blocks away from the police station and it was snuzzled in between a set of art deco styled houses , a black circle inside a triangle with an x through it was on the side of the building , he wondered why no one else had noticed this and taken it of the building , but he didnt question what he supposedly thought was fate . Walking towards the Chappell he felt his heart quicken its never ending beating , and his blood rushed to his head . He could tell this was something he was supposed to see but ! He really didn 't know what he was meant to see , he could fill a source spot drawing him close to something but he saw nothing , have faith in the blind for they shall lead the way , he went back to the phr ase his old step dad would tell him . He believed that his step father said this truthfully , so neverin closed his eyes . . . . . . and he started walking , he let the tug of the source bring him to where he need to be , and within an instance he found himself inside the chappel standing beside a booth . As he took a step back shocked at how quickly he had come into the building he saw a small book fall out of the booth , he looked inside the booth to see if anyone had purposefully pushed the book out for him to look at it but ? . . . . . no one . Grabbing the book he briskly took his leave of the gloomy place , he walked out and into the back , toward the police station almost instinctively . As he drew near the police station he noticed that it was getting dark out , and the clouds cascaded a dark purple across the sky as thousands of shinning dots started to appear , something switched inside him then , as he stared at the sky on the street void of many people , pain lanced down his body . He knew what this was , he had it happen to him many times before , as he slowly fell to his knee 's he heard a roaring sound , it sounded sad and pitifull . . . . . . he did not realize it was him screaming in pain , light flickered across his skin and his eyes glowed in the low light . He could feel the energy come of him in waves . . . . . . the street light around him flickered of and the paint on the nearby building peeled of , shaking took Pl ce next right before a booming sound accompanied by smoke and a bright purple and orange light . ( 1800s : only the rich would have electricity of some sort excluding the street lamps . If that . Just a note to go off of for later reference . ) Claire had stared at the door for over an hour doing all kinds if tricks with her pen . One of the older officers noticed the look in her eye . It was very similar to her on the close trail of a murderer . In fact , most everyone that was in the station noticed , which was not many seeing that their they 're numbers were small and they had a different two walking the beat every half hour . Everyone who was in the station knew Claire very well and two of the three had been the original police Claire had met when she first walked into the stations . One of the said two stood up and made his way over to her desk . " What 's it you 're looking out for , C ? You take a new case behind our backs ? " he asked with a big of worry and also a but of humor . She did not take her eyes off the door when she spoke to him , " My gut told me that someone new guy was going to do something another . I do not know of it will be something he walks through doors for or not . I must be ready though . I am planning out every step of when he gets here . The usual , Harold . " Her voice had a strange ring to it that even though she talked softly anyone would have heard it among people for the way it stood out . It was feminine but not very high with a slight undertone of something dark in it . She had always liked her voice . The officer patted her on the head and said in a voice almost to serious that was filled with all the trust and respect in the world , " Okay , C , you let us know if we need to head out , alright . " One would think that a female in her position would have earned a laugh for saying what she had said , but everyone , excluding the new guy , would put their lives in her hands in a flash of a millisecond . They all trusted her " planning " and judgement maybe too much . Before leaving her desk , he smiled brightly and said , " And , C , I told you to call me Papa H . " He let out a loud booming laugh and a smile lite up her lips as her eyes stayed glued to the door . A loud very distant voice rang over the man 's laugh , one with lots of authority and dignity in it with # 3 His nerves fired off responses unanswered , he felt pain and fear but he knew not how to move , his body was rigid , he noticed people collecting around him , and fear grasped at his chest , he knew he was found out . . . but how much had they seen of him , how much did they know , he wanted to talk , wanted to know how much they knew of him ? how much had they seen ? the questions bubbled inside filling him with panic and desire . His sanity seemingly disappearing of into a void never to be seen again , was it going to be like this forever , was he to sit here asking for an eternity . . . Why ? He wouldn 't have it , he would not end his search here , his destiny was not in some other hands , it was in his , Neverin knew that this fact was true , this fact was his reality , power surged through his body again . . . but this time it was controlled , almost soothing his body , ending the torment of pain . Opening his eyes he saw that he was glowing only slightly know , and he was slowly rising from the pavement he had fallen on , everywhere he looked he saw a new face ! he was frightened of the onset of people , that there were looking upon him , upon a monster . Neverin was chaos itself ; this was only the truth , he knew it was true , and he felt as if they knew it was true to , he could see fear in some of there eyes , no in most of there eyes . But he saw courage in one of there eyes , a girl , a lady : he felt like he knew this girl , felt an attraction to her the instant his gaze fell upon her . His heart beat slowed as he looked on upon her , and he slowly drifted to floor again . He tried walking to her but he fell instead and landed on top of her , trying to utter a few last words " can you see . . . . . . . it " his voice was full of joy , that it made it seem as if he was in no pain at all , but he was wracked with gut wrenching pain from head to toe , his last words left the people around him scared , he noticed it as his eyelids drifted over his eyes , closing him of from reality , he was scared . It was to much for him and he fell into a deep sleep , concluding his outburst on the dark street in Elma . The day is only a place to hide from what your afraid of , the night is a place where you face your fears so the day does not have to be so full of fear . Neverin drifted across the plane of darkness , this place was his jail , his locked sanity . The place he felt for sure he would die someday , was it already time for him to pay his time here yet again ? he didn 't want it : it was unfair , not true to what he wanted , not what comforted him , but this place , this dark place washed over him in a soothing way . It was relaxing here , but it was also so frightening here ! there was no one but himself and the darkness . But something seemed different , another energy drifted around him , it was dark and sinister . And when he met it face to face , he saw himself " so we finally meet ? I have been waiting for a long time nev . I know , I have always been with you , since I am you . But you never gave a damn to look in my direction , so here I am , to influence you to the right path ! . . . . . you do know . . . . . you ate me in the womb of our mother " the voice was his , the face , the clothes , but the eyes . They were that of an abyss , he felt as if he could fall into them forever , Neverin tried to speak out to himself . . . but nothing , no noise no echo to be heard . Just those black eyes for him to stare at for an eternity . Right as Clairse went to talk finally , he stood and stumbled forward and fell on her . The five other officers raised their guns immediately . He said something that puzzled her . Her eyes darted around . Her mind raced to did the " it " . With a sigh , she patted the boy on her passed out with wonder and splendor . " He is basically harmless I believe . He sounded like he was in pain earlier . The chaos he is causing is not under his control . My plan is simple this time . I am taking him to my mansion to rest and heal . Any hospital could not treat him like my staff on hand with care or respect . When he awakes , I will bring him in for questioning if I feel he is mentally able to be questioned . I will tell the chief if other wi - , " her voice had been the only one until the young new recruit spoke out again . His voice was rough and mean like no young man 's should be as he said , " I don 't understand why you all can let this girl make her own plans ! She is female ! What does she know about this job ? She should be at home in the kitchen ! " The chief cleared his throat and said with great anger and command , " You will either learn to respect Claire or hand in your badge in the morning . She is wise beyond her and your years . She has solved more cases than any of us . Heck , she solved her first at age 8 . She knows criminals and the unusual better than any of us . She qua raised with it . She is your senior of this field . You do not hav to respect any other woman , I usually do not , but Claire is not a woman . She is a fellow officer . You understand , newbie ? " The new guy simply sighed and nodded . " As you were saying , C ? The rest if the plan ? " Harold asked . Claire nodded and starred down at him . " I will inform the chief if I feel his is mentally not able to handle the questioning . He will stay in my custody . I have great interest in him . I do not feel he is a criminal . There is something strange happening here , " she finished happily . They all laughed slightly nervously at her . " Yeah , there definitely is a big hole to prove it , " Harold said . They all exchanged nervous looks . Claire did not care what they thought though and as she just noticed the boys quivering which then became violent shakes . " We need to get him to my house Asap ! " She said with a light panic in her voice . The two younger men who had been around for a while stepped forward to help her . " I only need one of you , " she spoke calmly handed the boy to the blond slightly more muscular one . She nodded her head and they took off towards her house . Her mind raced and so did her heart as they ran towards her mansion with its strange placement on the outskirts of town . Both pounded in a way of their own . She was filled with worry for some reason . It was not of what he could do , but of id he would wake again . She glanced back and saw his thrashing for continue . Her mind planned out every second of the entry of her home . When they reached her home , she had the young blond take him to a room all his own and lay him down . She sent her nurses in the help him , and the blond left . It all went as planned . Then something unexpected happened yet again . The nurses came to her and told her that they could find nothing wrong with the young man . She ran off to her room and slammed her door . She pulled out a board with pictures mostly blurry of many thing and small notes posted all over it . It was of all the cases and circumstances of the town she had seen and heard of that were out of the ordinary . She stared at the board as if trying to connect dots . They had never seen anything like this . Claire jumped if fright when she heard a knock at her huge wooden oak wood doors . She laughed at herself softly then ran to it . She grabbed her pistol that sat beside her bed and brought it with her though . As she tugged the door open she had no idea who to expect . The gun was ready to pass judgement of her say on any soul behind it . The friendly face of the chief was behind it . He silently handed her a book then said calmly and factual way , " this was a book found close to the scene . We thought it might have something to do with it , so I brought it to you . " She nodded and hugged him then opened the door wider to him . She tucked her pistol away again as he shook his head . " The wife told me to hurry home tonight . I haves lot of paper work to file if I am going to get home on time . Let alone early , " he turned down what he knew to be her offer to come inside . He patted her on the head and then left . Her thoughts and body quickly returned to I front of her board . She knew some sort of connection had to be made . Neverin awoke with a jolt , he felt naked as he realized he was being examined by nurses , he jumped up from the spot he lay and looked around shocked . Were was he and why did it look so damn fancy , why was he here , he tried to recall what happened in the last couple of hours , but he could not recall anything of importance . . . . a streak of pain ran across his eyes , and a vision played in his head , he lay on the street a crater . . . . the street he had his outburst , had he done that the . . . . was he the to the cause of that chaos ? Yes ! it shocked him that he had forgotten such a important situation , but it had happened and he had to deal with that fact , " sit down sir , you need to rest " a woman of the age of thirty told him , she wore a nicer suit then the other nurses , she was most likely in charge . . . . but she had no idea what she was getting herself in , he didn 't need there help , they most likely needed nothing to do with him " please don 't come near me . . . . . I am afraid of hurting you " his voice shook with fear , he was afraid for them , no need for them to be afraid they had no clue of what he was capable of , but he knew , he knew he could blow this whole town up with one mistake , the nurse payed no head to his pleas and walked forward , she tried to grab him and bring him to a sitting position on the cot beside him . He tried to tell them that he needn 't the help they offered , that they would only hurt themselves , he was dangerous to touch , to talk to ; he was chaos itself , and as the lady 's hand lay itself upon his forearm he could feel the energy transfer over to her temporarily , her wrinkles slowly faded and the grey marks under her eyes faded away , but this was before she went flying back and hitting the wall in a blinding flash . He knew she wasn 't really hurt , but the other nurses though she was hurt and screamed in fear , he had told them not to touch him , he tried to warn them , this happened way many times before , this is why he never made friends . Turning to run , he was confronted with a large hallway leading of to several other rooms and sub rooms , where was he to go , were was he to hide . He turned left then right , and then ran . . . he knew not for how long he ran , but as he stopped he found himself in the back of a dark room , it was the liquor room , he knew this because of the small island bar in the middle of the room and the shelf of expensive wines and liquors , he was in some fancy house or mansion , he knew that was for sure ! but why ? why was he put in this new environment , what was he to think , what were the owners to think of him " oh god what do I do , where am I . . . . WHAT DO I DO " his voice shook the house in all its glory , it shook like a child in fear . Everything shook in fear in the face of chaos , everything was afraid of something , neverin was afraid . . . afraid . . . . . . of himself , he feared what he was and yearned for what he was not , he was no regular old joe , he was something much more . Once again he felt the feeling of being naked , of being found out , Of being alone , he stood from where he sat , which was a dork corner in the liquor room , he ran once again his emotions on fire , as he ran the wallpaper and paint on the walls curled in on themselves and melted leaving black marks along the floor and walls , he was leaving a trail for people to find him without even knowing it , he ran and found him at a grand set of stairs , they were magnificent to behold , and he felt the urge to run up them , but someone was at the top of them , a man , who wore a smug look on his face and inquisitive eyes that looked through everything , it was most likely the owner of the house . . . . . but the body it was see through . . . . . it was him again seeing things , it was a clue for him to follow , he ran up the stairs each step leaving the floor burnt . The apparition turned and started walking at an inhuman speed away from neverin , it walked down a hall and right through a door . He could feel himself being drawn to that spot , he knew he needed to go there , but he had a feeling of dread run along his body , whatever he was getting himself into it was big and it was bad , but his body moved on its own and that voice , his voice rang through his head " come on do not be afraid of destiny , go on and explore your fate ! " The voice was his but it soothed him , and he took control of himself and started to walk by himself , not noticing that as he walked the building around him was reacting to his emotions running high . As he drew closer to the door his eyes fixated on the bottom , were light was flooding out , some one was in there , was that the reason he was going there , why wasn 't he running out of this damned house . . . . . . because he had to meet that person on the other side of the door , he needed to see there face , to know there name and voice . and as he stepped closer the door opened , no one was opening it , it was him but his fingers never lay upon the handle of the door , it opened because he wanted it to . Things started to connect to him , realizing that he was there for the greater good , everything was leading him to what he was to find . And as he stepped into the room he found himself fixated by what he saw . A girl . . . a lady , sat on the bed in that room he had entered , she was utterly beautiful and waves of energy came off of her . He was wrenched from what he considered reality and thrown into a dream of insanity , he did not know of what he should say to this girl who sat in front of him , he had no explanation to why he was here or for what he had done , he had all but one sentence " I found you " his voice was full of joy yet filled with depression and grief , and he fell to his knee 's in an emotional , he had found what he needed to find , what he had been searching for so long , he had found his anchor to this world , the person that was to lead him to his fate , lead him to his parents and the final answer to his life . But this was only a start to what was to unfold , this was only a drop in the ocean to what they were to do in the coming years . Claire say with her board in front of her for a few hours and thought of nothing . She had no plan hey . She felt as if she was missing to many pieces to really plan . It was strange to her though . It was almost empty . She slid her board away when she heard the screams break the silence of the house . With that , she somehow knew he was awake . Again , her gut told her that her would come to her . That for some reason , fate wanted them to meet more . She had been lonely in the house for many years besides the staff who barely would speak to her because of her parents orders . She felt the house quake softly on its foundation . She giggled softly . Something about the way he affected everything enticed all of her senses . Everything she was told her that as must get to know him . He was the great mystery that she had always longed for . No simple strange occurrence of a murderer with ties to the dead of some sort had ever been enough for her . Her every particle had always been craving more and more mystery . A bigger picture of sorts . Something deep inside her mind told her this was it . Something at the front told her this way another new and exciting adventure . Then out of no where the door creaked open . She watched him drop to his knees and proclaim in joy those words that she did not quite understand . She slowly brought herself off her bed and down to the floor in front of him . Her every being was filled with the adrenaline she loved . Her emotion was somewhere between joyous and very calm as if she was coming down to comfort an old friend . Her green eyes flickered with awe as she noticed the paint in the hall looked at her as if it had been burned in a few places then splashed with water . She sank to her knees and wrapped her arms around him . " Yes , you found me , " she knew not why she had said it but it felt right . Her heart skipped a beat she embraced him . Her mind searches for some sort of olan to go off of , but he was to unpredictable for that . She then searched to an answer as to why she felt so happy right where she was . Then it came to light in her mind , she has also been searching something the whole time . Someone who was not an easy read . Someone who dared with all they were to be to be just theirself . A person to be her greatest mystery . Someone even if she knew all that they were she would never fully understand and be able to predict . " And I found you . I know not your name , but that only adds to the reasons you must not leave my side , " her voice shook softly . She was jut afraid or worried . She was simply overcome by emotions . He shook with anticipation , but he knew not what to say , or how to respond , he sat there her warmth mixing with his . He hoped he would not harm her , he felt connected to something finally and he did not want to let it go , he intended not to , but sometimes things did not go as you strictly planned . " Nev . . . . . . . my names Neverin Elfiace . . . . . . but can I still stay by your side even though you know my name " he tried a smile as his voice broke , he was an emotional wreck , and for what reason , he was trying to stop it but it kept affection everything around him . Like her clothes turning a slightly darker tinge and the walls creaking slightly , it was calming down a little , but he was still affecting everything around him , was it because of her , was she causing him to be this way , he wondered if she was the source to his hope . But he had already confirmed that she was , why was he know doubting himself of what he so blindly though seconds ago , He threw this though form his head as he looked on her bed , his book . . . . . how did she have it , anger took him then , neverin didn 't know why she would have what was his , his eye glowed a dark purple and kept his glare on the book , the temperature dropped a couple degrees and the light faded as the book lifted into the air , he whisked it up and behind him , and as he hid it away . . . . He went back to normal ; as if everything was perfectly normal , and the fact that he had just acted like a beast never happened . " that 's mine . . . please , tell me did you look through it " His voice was full of ice , sharp and to the point , this girl was a part of him now , but his past would keep him from fully ever trusting her . The doubt increased turning his heart black and surrounded by steel , He only did this if he had a big suspicion of a person , and the idea of her knowing things she should not know kept him from trusting , neverin was insecure on this fact , he knew this but he could not keep himself from doing it , it was what he was , it was what he did to protect himself . " I 'm sorry . . . . I don 't usual act this way towards people . . . . . I mean I have never even talked to someone like this " His emotions kept on switching he could feel it going on inside him , it felt bad and burned . He wanted to be recognized but he kept on changing so no one would know what he really was , or how he really felt or acted " I must look insane to you , a almost grown adult acting like a pitiful child " His voice was soft , and almost sad know , why was he doing this , all sides of him were turning to show themselves to her , he was exposing his very being to her , everything he ever was threw itself at her . And he loved it , it felt good to finally express himself , to be able to show someone who he truly was . Tears rolled down his cheeks , but he did not weep , he smiled in joy , his happiness was causing him to cry and weep for joy . Having let go of what he had been holding back for so long , he looked up at the girl " I am sorry again , I was not trying to be so . . . . . . Crazy " his voice was calm now , and it rang with joy and clarity . He felt like he needed to know her name , what was her name , who was she addressed to " may . . . . may I know your name " he tried to ask this nicely not to frighten her off , but her attitude told him that she would most likely tell him anything he would need to know , Neverin noticed that he was not affecting anything around him any more , and he looked down at his hand , in his palm lay the small book , and it was contorting and glowing in ways he could not even understand , but what he did understand was . . . . it was helping control his power , the energy that almost always flowed out of him know was still and stagnant , shock and realization shook him to the core , he was no longer going to be the monster he always thought himself as , his heart beat faster as relief overtook him , to the girl beside him it probably looked like he was having some sort of fit , but he was just finally feeling at ease . This peace was interrupted with a nurse barging through the door , it was the nurse that had tried to touch him " don 't touch him , you will hurt yourself " she spoke like a madwoman as three other nurses followed in at a quick pace , almost like they were waddling in sync , they all looked on in shock as they realized him and the girl were hugging , as if they were long lost friends . The main nurse acted infuriated and tried a step forward to part them from each other , but neverin gave a glare that shot through her very being , and she back - stepped and almost fell onto her rump . Was she really this surprised , he felt as if the girl beside him was someone very important and different , he felt like they should have expected this to happen , but apparently not . They looked on afraid of some strange occurrence to ha happen , they waited for something to go wrong , to go haywire . She felt him shake beneath her arms and for some reason she wanted to comfort him . A tiny part of her mind told her to stay on guard in the chief 's voice . That would have made sense . She did not anything definite about the boy in front of her not even his name , but it did not matter . She wanted to protect all the uniqueness that she could already tell he was . Her every being wanted to make him comfortable . His voice did not make her jump but instead calmed her . " Nev . . . . . . . my names Neverin Elfiace . . . . . . but can I still stay by your side even though you know my name " his voice broke some making her want to speak out to him , but she could not find the words yet . His name sounded almost like a whole symphony to her ears . Her mind wanted to plan them out . She could tell this was something important . Her eyes and mind where all of a sudden distracted though by the way he was affecting the whole room . Her amazement and curiosity in him grew . Her mind was captured by his power or effect over things . She wanted not only to solve the mystery of where it came from , but to learn all about . All of a sudden her attention she back on his actual being though as she felt him stiff beneath her hands . She felt chills run through her body and realized abruptly that it she not her but the room itself . As she realized that , she noticed the glow of his eyes , a dark purple glare . She followed his glare onto the book the chief had brought by . His air about him was very intense and anger filled . She wanted to be in his head and know what he was thinking . She watched in awe as the book floated through the air and right to his hands . His demeanor changed back to calm as he quickly placed it behind his back . " that 's mine . . . please , tell me did you look through it " his voice would have cut her if she knew him any better . She was in fact taken back by this slightly . Words usually did not effect her . Normally , she was able to just block anyone out she needed to , no matter how personal the threat or stab at her . This was different though . He was almost like a long lost friend to her . She was lucky her walls were built high from the stabs society usually took at her for being a working woman . " I 'm sorry . . . . I don 't usual act this way towards people . . . . . I mean I have never even talked to someone like this " his apology came and her mind grew only slightly confused . She had seen mutliple personality in people before , which related to this in her mind , but this was very different . It seemed to her like forced changes . Then his voice came out again but this time it sounded more clear to her as if his real emotion was showing through , " I must look insane to you , a almost grown adult acting like a pitiful child " He did look inssne to her , but she wanted to tell him that was not a bad thing . She had a love for crazy things . Her whole life was an enjoyable crazy mess to her . When spoke another few times her mind was too consumed in though to react in anyway . She was not even sure what he said . She felt the need to wrap her arms around him again so she did . She had only noticed the room had calmed down when the nurses came running in and yelling frantically . Their reaction to him almost enraged her . She did not move or say something . When his look knocked the nurse down , Claire 's laughter filled the air . He then took her words and used them for her . She made the connection between him and the book when he let it go and they obeyed his will . As he asked of her name again , she picked up the book and handed it to him . She jumped backwards onto the edge of her bed . She also realized she had to trust herself to speak without a plan this once . Her voice came out in its usual strange way , but a little uncertisnity it never had before , " Claire Ledig is my name . Not as beautiful and unique as yours , but it is mine . " She took a look around and breathed it out . " You are quite unique yourself from what I have seen . . . " She paused again and though about her words . Joy filled her and her legs dangled against the edge of the bed as she said , " You are even quite insane . I do enjoy things like insanity that others do not apperciate enough or even at all . I believe your being has been unappreciated also . " She thought a quick moment then held up her finger and said with delight , " As for staying by my side , not only do I really want you to , you are required ! " She patted the spot beside her . Her mind screamed at her to plan next time that what she had said may scare him away . Her heart though her it would be okay and to have confidence . She was never one to spiky follow her heart , but this time she did . She took its word becaus it was what she wanted to believe . Her mouth wanted to spill all of her secrets to him , but she knew not how to . She went back to her minds side of things and began to make a plan as she awaited his response to what she had already said . She handed him his book back after she laughed at the nurses , she was not afraid of what he was , what he could be . This comforted him greatly , her calling him unique , understanding he was insane yet she liked that fact of him , was she crazy herself , did think the same as he . The greedy need to know what she thought bore through his being , but he calmed himself ; for when Claire sat up on the bed , she seemed to be inviting him to sit next to her , he stood , and walked towards her bed and sat next to her . Her warmth was inviting , it made him feel at home ! at peace non the less , he knew he was in the right place to fall into place , but it felt wrong , as if he was tricking himself in not seeing something so very important , it nagged at him but he sat there beside Claire trying to ignore it . " so Claire . . . . . . Why am I here . . . I mean i woke up in the infirmary with nurses poking and prodding me , what was that all about " his voice was soft know but his attitude and emotions had switched once again , it was a neat transition , that happened almost every minute , as if every minute of an hour kept a secret emotion waiting for him , it kept his mind at a restless state and it agitated him that he couldn 't hold onto one emotion for more then a mere minute . He really was not waiting for her to answer his questions , he just needed to fill the empty space with noise , he needed to know that this all was not just all another allusion , it was a fact that he had allusions of a lot of things , he was just hoping this wasn 't another one . He had felt the heat from Claire 's body , but had it been real , had her scent just manifested itself to trick him into another deep dark hole , was he just in another rabbit hole ; tumbling , tumbling , tumbling down the rabbit hole , what a perfect fall . " tumbling down the rabbit hole , what a perfect fall , for they never call " He hummed out the melody , it sounded dreary and dark , but it suited the moment the best , it kept him remembering that he was that monster he always thought he was , that he always would be He was torn back to reality when he saw a glint of something cross past the door way , his feet touched the floor softly as he turned his head towards the door , if Claire was to talk to him know , she would not be able to get through to him , he took a step forward as the door opened , and he found himself yet again , covered in red and black " hey there little rabbit , done with your doll face yet , gonna show your true self yet little boy ? no . . . . . . well then we should get to work , lets see how damd deep you have gotten yourself this time " the apparition turned and looked across the hall , the hall was full of doors ; five in all , and with a turn of his head all doors slammed open , but one , one stayed closed " well then , my my little rabbit why wont you go on and find out whats being hidden from you " Neverin shook in protest as his body moved forward , the chanting of ' down the rabbit hole we go , what a wonderful hole , you have dug yourself past the tole . . . . . . time to pay up boy ' his body was rigid yet it moved towards the door in a hasty matter , as he reached the door he regained control of his body , and he turned to Claire , fear was in his eyes , and it was as if he was grabbing out to her , he needed her to be an anchor , and she was to far away to be that . His hand lifted to the door knob , and it opened with a click . The room in front of neverin was full old dust , and pictures all over the wall , scribbles on the floor and ceiling , it was if the room had not been touched for the past thirty years , and it looked like it was owned by lunatics . It was out of place with the house , it had a different paint color and different set of furniture , the thing that intrigued him the most though ! was the black table in the middle of the room , it had a picture of a women and a child , and a father whose face was scratched out , it sent chills down Neverin 's spine as he looked on at the picture , the faces stared back at him with glossy dead eyes , yet they were smiling ? they were smiling and yet they looked so dead , so empty yet so vibranNeverin 's Heart beat fast in his chest , it beat so hard he swore any around would be able to hear it , he was afraid of what he found , he was afraid of finding something new and losing again , why couldn 't he just lock himself up and never look at anything again . . . . . . because she was here , because Claire needed him , and he needed Claire . It was an unfathomable fact that he had to deal with , he would not be able to run anymore with Claire beside him , even though she sat in her room , he felt as if she was beside him , as if he was still beside her . It was funny that when your the farthest from a person you feel so close to them . Neverin let out a sigh as he tried to reckon with what was unfolding before him , to much thinking brought tears to his eyes yet again . Everything was affecting him and he had no way to stop it " Claire . . . do you know who used to own this house , who used to live here . . . . do you know what they did ? " his voice was sharper then ever before , it was as if he was holding a knife to his neck and Claire 's , he did not want it to be this way , but he was angry , he was mad . The things they had done to him , they were a perfect family , but no one ever saw what went down in the kitchen , everyone thought they were perfect , but looking through the curtains showed things that no one else saw but the neighbors and him . They were the ones who caused him the pain he was going through know , no one had died for them , no one had died for him , yet they were gone . They had left without a trace , leaving there toy behind to deal with the fact that he was alone . " Do you know what they did to me , what they said , what they showed me " he was mostly talking to himself , he was berating himself . . . . for what happened to him , for what his family did , Claire would not understand , she had no clue , he wanted it to stay that way , but he knew she would know , he knew he would tell her , it was an inevitable occurrence ; he was bound to tell her , for each time the minute ticked on he would do something different , that was how it was plannTurning to look at Claire through the doorway he tried to feel happy again , he Wasn 't screaming anymore , and he felt like Claire wouldn 't run from him . He had his doubts at time , but he felt certain that she would stay by his side , that 's what friends were for right . . . . was she his friend , neverin contemplated that thought , could he be considered Claire 's friend , they really had only met minutes ago , what did she really want from him . So much paranoia but he could not help himself , he couldn 't escape the fact that he had to doubt everything he was and everything he knew , because if he didn 't his world would most likely come tumbling down on top of him " Claire , your my friend right ? " his voice was soft again , his emotions switching to a more happy mood , he didn 't want to go back to being angry , but the minutes were clicking down , he had only a couple a minutes to be like this " I mean , we can be friends , we only just met . . . . but i feel connected " he tried to explain his irrational thinking but , it only came out awkward , as if he did know what he was really going to say . When he asked of why he had been there , Claire 's mind started to plan again . She wanted to plan the best way to tell him that he as being introgated . She did not let her mind wander from it until he started to hum . It had an eerie ring to lines . She understood what he was humming though . Well , what but not why he was . She had always been great at motives . Her favorite was always predicting what would happen next on the other hand . Still , motive was often needed for that . She was unable to pick out any motives for Neverin yet . From what she could tell , he was being influenced by something that he did not know how to control yet . He knew how to use it , but not control it . She had thought nothing of it when he had stood . Now , she noticed he was hovering and the glow to him . Her interest rose . She had little to no fear . He was dangerous . Her gut told her he could be trusted though . So she watched him silently and waited . When his feet hit the ground , I small glimmer of something was seen by her only a moment before . She watched as he stepped through the door was covered in strange light of sorts . It was very quiet for almost a minute she figured some force was talking to him . She had seen criminals pause in such ways to listen to voices before . When he moved to the door again it looked to her as if he was but moving himself . She felt it was only him again when he looked back at her . She nodded softly . Maybe even to soft fur him to see . She tud not reach for him , see wanted to see what was on the other side . The next part happened to quickly for to do anything but take in his questions and watch in silence . She had not known who lived in the house before her . She had been seven when they moved in . She only remembered the whispers of people as they walked by . Until now , she thought it had been because of who they were not who the house was . Then he asked another question . She had no understanding as to what he meant . Then connected it . They had lived here before her . They had . They had done terrible things in the house # 11 She offered him her hand , she acted so nice , no judgment , only clarity and love . It was like she fit him in a puzzle piece , they were meant to be . But some part of neverin still disliked that , it felt unnatural ; not in place with everything else going on in the world , but he still took her hand feeling this way , he still stood and acknowledge that she was only here to protect and help him " Yeah . . . . I would like that " his voice was hoarse know full of pain , but it resonated with joy . Two sides of a face always showed themselves , always something different to behold , nothing was ever the same with neverin , hell even his eye color changed with his emotions , it was how he was , and he was used to people being afraid of him because of it , But Claire did not mind this . . . . why ? why was she so different , it was like looking at a sane version of himself , gender swapped . He chuckled at this little thought of his , so content was he that he was thinking of things like being like some one else , he was that comfortable , neverin felt as if he really was safe now . " Claire , the people who lived her last . . . . . were my parents " He hoped this wouldn 't shock her to much , but from her last reactions he doubted that she would be shocked by anything , even if he tore the world to pieces just for her , the weird thing was he would do just that if she asked him of it . He knew that he would do anything for her , but his made him question his rationality , was he thinking straight to be able to accept the fact that he would do anything for her , were these emotions he was feeling real ? he had not time to ask this as he stepped forward and out of the room , he did not like being lead to much , so he took Claire 's hand in his and took them towards there room . . . . . but he stopped , he wanted somewhere a little more secure , a place where they wouldn 't be so rudely interrupted so often , he turned and started towards the stairs to the lower floor , a dark room , lower , no one knew about it , memory 's flooded Neverin 's thoughts . He remembered him running down th " sorry for taking us somewhere different , just I don 't want anyone to barge in on us " his words came out weird , as if he had not planned out what he was going to say , but no turning from what he had said , so he went along with it " I mean do we really want anyone else knowing about my existence . . . . . " he asked this forgetting about what had happened almost a couple hours ago , it came back to him in a blinding flash , several people already knew of his existence , neverin felt this as a bad thing , but did not speak it out , he did not want to seem anti social and hateful of everything . His heart skipped a beat as he entered the room , it was cold in the room , and yet he felt warm , he had no true words to explain it . But it felt right , turning to Claire he smiled " do you feel that ? " She followed him without hesitating . It was strange she felt as she would go anywhere for him in a heart beat . She felt while by his side she needed less planning . Though she was still planning out the conversation in her head . She just felt like they were less important around him . As if even if she did plan , there would never be much use or room for her plans . His actions and all that he was unplannable and could not be predicted by any means , no matter how well she got to know him or how deep in his mind she got . His voice rang out over her thoughts and she understood the room before . It did not shock her at all . She had realized earlier that there must have been a reason connected to him that the house had an effect on him . She also realized how that strange creepy feeling the house gave her was almost gone by his side . She felt like for the first time she could trust her life in another 's hands . The police force had always been a family to her , but she could not trust anyone with her life after her parents had cared so little for hers . He had done nothing to show her he would protect her , but she felt a deep security in him Even if he did throw her life away she probably would just be glad it was him . In her mind , she felt that she was supposed to die by his hands for some reason . Almost if they were supposed to meet and be enemies . They had never been one 's to follow fate though . They fit better as whatever they were becoming . It was a mystery to her as he led her . " sorry for taking us somewhere different , just I don 't want anyone to barge in on us " " I mean do we really want anyone else knowing about my existence . . . . . " As he spoke she could not wrap her mind around what he meant . The whole people force knew of his existence and the town baker who did not exactly know how to keep his mouth shut . " do you feel that ? " his voice sounded right after they walked into a chilly room . His smile lit a flame inside her that warmed her whole being . She smiled back and nodded . She knew that was exactly what he meant . This next plan of hers was only going to be harder , she felt , because of it . She sat down against a wall and leaned against it lazily . She pulled him down carefully to sit with her by his arm . Her giggled then filled the air . Then her expression fell into a serious one . She cleared her throat . " I am going to answer your questions now , " she said sounding very sure of herself . " I looked through your book . Nothing in it made sense to me though . In fact , it did not even look it words to my eyes . " she paused and took a breath . she began to wonder if this was the right idea . The answer was yes in her mind though . He had some sort of right to know all she did as if he was an extension of her . IIn the moments she was silent , her eyes showed her great inner conflict . She then got to the part she had almost been scared away from . It did not seem that bad as she said it though . " You are here because you are in the custody of the police force right now for the destruction on the block . I asked for you to be put in my home and not taken to the hospital because I did not anyone mistreating you . I also asked you be left in my soul custody so I could figure you out . They granted me that . The book was brought to me by the chief because of that . You are under investigation by the police force . I will have nothing negative to tell them . You will have to go in for questioning soon though . You may have to stay with me for a long time . " She took a deep breath and felt relieved after letting it all out . She did not like to speak toomuch but this had been important . So was what she had left to say . " One more thing before you comment , " she said cuting off anything he could have said . She looked down at the floor . " I did not know anything about the people who lived here before me . I could feel something about this house was wrong though . I never realized until now it was a mystery I could have been solving . I just had ran from the feeling it gave me until now . It was probably one of the reasons I am who I am today . The past of this house has somehow affected my future in more than one way . " With that , her eyes slid over to her hand that was still in his and a shiver shot up her spine . A good one though . Neverin did not really mind the fact that he had to stay with Claire for a while , that actually suited his needs , he wanted that , but the interrogation , the people knowing of his existence scared him , it was the fact that they could get hurt through the fact of knowing him that frightened him , he ran over his thoughts and tried to collect everything that related to each other , the book not being able to be read by Claire confused him , he scooted closer to her the book in his hands , he felt to close , but that was good . His mind seemed to find clarity as he realized what he was supposed to do , he set his gaze upon Claire and tried to speak , but his voice caught in his throat . . . odd " is it OK when your police squad interrogates me that I read there minds ? . . . I wont be able to hold back though so they may have some memory loss " as neverin said this he felt as if it were normal to be able to do this , he would expect Claire to think the same way , he needed to remind himself though that she had no clue of what his powers felt like , so maybe he should just stop assuming what she felt , but he could not stop himself , each time he looked upon Claire he felt connected to her , it was a wonderful feeling that he very much enjoyed , and when he was not feeling it he felt alone , almost stuck in himself . He felt as if he was hovering on these type of thoughts to much , so he stood up and started to pace to break the thoughts from his head , " OK so when do I go to meet them , and can I not leave this building ? " he wanted to know these things for if he could not leave he would have no way of finding out the things he needed to stop the insanity that was consuming his life . But to do that he would need to get rid of any difficulties that included the law , that is if they got in the way ? Which in this case they would mostly likely do as neverin did damage there streets and made several things happen that they could not most likely explain , one thing neverin knew was that when a cop did not know what something meant they start to get aggNot wanting to leave the mood awkward and tight he let off a wild goofy smile " don 't worry though , I wont hurt anyone ! " He took his pinky finger and crossed it over his heart as if to say I promise , He could not tell if Claire was keeping up with everything he was saying , but he hoped that she at least was trying to understand his nonsense . Neverin felt an itchy sensation on the nape of his neck , as if he was missing something , he tried turning thinking it was some odd breeze causing him to feel this way , but as he turned he noticed the room that they were in had a window , and right outside the window was the front of the house , a feeling of dread crept its way up his spine as he noticed a dark figure walking up to the house , he was used to strange and odd stuff , but this made him want to run , and everything around him was reacting to this sensation , the furniture all moved to the opposite side of the window and the window seemed to darken as if not letting light in , he felt it bad to stay in the house but , where was he to go , the police force would most likely look for him if he booked it from Claire 's house " Claire , is the front door locked ? " he felt like the answer was no , and he needn 't to even ask her , but he wanted to hear her say yes , he wanted the confirmation that he was safe , he knew he was acting a little psychotic , but he felt it needed in this situation , the man outside was bad new , and he could not stop himself from realizing this , and without the confirmation he ran out the room and down the stairs withing seconds , leaving a trail of burnt floor and walls . He wondered how he would pay Claire for the damage he was accidentally inflicting upon her house , he stopped in front of the main door , the house seemed to shiver alongside with his fear , lifting his hand he forced the lock closed , but that was not enough , he could feel power surging from the other side of the door . . . . but it stayed there , waiting for something to happen , almost in anticipation . Neverin 's body shook with fear as he realized is Levian stepped towards the door almost imaging it opening , she wanted to see his face again , know that he was still himself , but she could fill his power surge through the house , she knew he was no longer what he used to be , he was much stronger then before , she knew this for a fact and it frightened her " my little rabbit has grown up has he not " she whispered , she knew it would go right to him , for that is what she intended , anything she wanted would happen would , except when she was around him , things seemed to go . . . . . lets just say different , she sighed knowing that he would not let her in , he was frightened as well , which shocked her . How could someone so strong ever feel fear , oh well she would just have to come back some other time , when he was ready to accept the fact that she was back and ready to meet him yet again . Turning she walked down the path to the street and was on her way yet again , she might visit the police station , that is if they would have her , people tended not to like her and people like her , especially if that person was neverin , it shocked her that the whole town was not after him yet , it shocked her that he had changed , so many things to understand with so little time to recognize them . " one little dark rabbit alongside one giant wolf , they sit together friends defying nature itself , who will break from the insanity first " she let her voice travel off into a nightmarish laugh as she walked down the street . . . . the sky broke out into rain as if crying in fear . She held Neverin 's hand as he started to question about the interrogation . Relief filled her that he seemed alright that she was leading it . Maybe she should trust the feeling of connection she had to him more . It was different than her gut feelings . That difference was not a bad thing though . She listened to him as he forced out his first question . Under his glaze , she felt more comfortable than she ever had when someone looked at her . She did not know how mind reading worked and would need to know more of it before making a decision . Her mind got to work of how the interrogations would go . Her thoughts were broken by him standing up and pacing around . If he had been anyone else , his sudden movement would have made her a little uncomfortable . She still felt safe though . He asked two more questions before sh could react . Her face lit up and she giggled when he promised the way he did . She was not worried about people getting hurt though . Everyone of the police force knew people 's safety was not on the top of her list . It was the greater good she believed in . Also , most important to her was the uncovering of truths . Claire then noticed his attention turn to the window of the room he had brought them into . She had the jump up right after that to avoid being hit by furniture . Her connection told her he was scared . Her eyes looked him over and told her the same thing . The window darkened and up her jump a little . She had left her gun in her room . It was not Neverin she feared though . She feared nothing but Neverin 's safty and if something scare him that bad outside the window , it was mostly likely being threatened . He asked about her door being locked and before se could say no , he was leaving a burned trailed to her door . Awe filled her eyes as she watched . Claire made her way after him as soon as she could . Her mind raced with a plan on how to get him to the police station without anyone knowing . When she got to him , he was on the floor with the floor lightened around him . She raced over to him as she stepped on th # 15 Iwaku is a roleplay community . We don 't just write stories - we live them ! Roleplaying is stepping in to the life of a character and experiencing what they experience . Here on Iwaku , we 're all about giving you the freedom to write anything you want while providing a safe and friendly community to do it in . Our site contains forum roleplay , chat roleplay , group roleplay , private roleplay , as well as other methods for living your stories . We are a community ran by REAL PEOPLE ! We are not a corporation or a company . Our server , domain , and software licenses are privately owned and paid for 100 % out of our own pockets . To help pay for these monthly costs , we are more than happy to take donations from members in exchange for super spiffy extra tools and features on the boards . For more information you can view our Donating FAQs .
|
We had that cookout at Mom & Dad 's . The food was very good , either that or we were all hungry . . . . . . Us 4 kids showed up at the same time and waited outside while one of the youngest grandsons went in and told Papa that he had some fish for him to look at , ( which he really did ) . Dad came to the door and we were all out there to surprise him . There were about 20 of us there . My day was pretty quiet because both kids had to work until noon . I got my housework done , got the church report done , and by that time it was time for the cookout . I talked to Ritzy , he had just finished his first day of work since being back . He was doing fine , sounded kind of tired though . I told him to rest every chance he got until he was sure he was ok . I was awakened this morning by a niece calling and wanting to bring her SUV to put in my garage . We have a really big garage . There was a really nasty storm northeast of here and headed for us and I was about to sleep right thru it . She came down and we watched the storm , but it started going more east and we missed it . It seems we have just missed them all day long . We 'll see what happens tonite . We are under a tornado watch until 1am . I still have to study that Sunday school lesson for tomorrow . My son and his cousin are in the living room watching a movie , and these boys don 't know where the low volume is on a remote ; - ) I think I 'm gonna have a headache before this movie is over , hahaha ! ! ! ! ! It is an older movie ( Independence Day ) and parts of it they are mimicking . It 's just about as entertaining listening to those two . . . . . . . . . . . . . . they are crazy ! ! ! ! ! ! I guess I am outta here for now , we 'll see what happens tomorrow . . . . . . . . This is what I saw tonite looking out my dining room window as the sun was setting . My son came in and asked for my camera , he took the picture . We had just finished mowing the lawn and weed eating . All that after a very busy day for me , him too , I 'm guessing , since he works at my Dad 's Heat & Air business and they are really busy this time of year . In fact Dad just called and told me to tell the boy that they are all going to have to work a few hours tomorrow . They hardly ever work on Saturdays . We mowed tonite because there is a " chance " for rain tomorrow and Sunday . I told the boy when he got home that we were not taking any chances , the lawn was getting mowed tonite . Well anyways , it 's done and I don 't have to worry about it at least ' til next week , haha ! ! ! ! Ritzy called earlier in the day and he has arrived at Camp Bucca . . . . . he was glad to be back . . . . I am so thankful that we can talk every day . I love hearing his voice . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tomorrow is my Dad 's 71st birthday . I called my Mom , brother and sisters and we are all going to just show up Mom & Dad 's at 6 : 00 tomorrow nite for a " surprise " birthday cookout and party for Dad . I bought all the fixin 's today , my sister is making the cake and the other sister and brother are bringing chips or pop . You see Dad knows about the " suprise " anniversary party in a couple of weeks , but he knows nothing about his own birthday party tomorrow . We are just going to have hamburgers and hot dogs , chips , pop , tea , birthday cake and ice cream . . . . . . . . . . . sounds like fun ; - ) We like to eat and have fun together . . . . . . . . . can you tell ? ? ? ? ? ? ? I guess after all that running around today , I can take it easy tomorrow . . . . . it 's about time ! ! ! ! Both kids have to work , so it will be a quiet Saturday at my house . . . . . . . . . . . which I am very much looking forward to . . . . . . . although I do have to close out the books for our church since it is the last day of the month . I do the monthly report , and that in itself is an all day " job " sometimes . It shouldn 't take over a couple of hours this time though . I havecomments I ate my supper ( dinner ) outside tonite . It is pretty decent weather right now so I was enjoying it while I still can , before the hot evenings and mosquitos move in . After eating I walked around the yard and came upon this pretty little egg laying on the ground . It wasn 't cracked , I was really surprised . . I took it to my nephew and gave it to him . I just wonder how long it will last with a 6 - year old . ( ha ! ha ! ) He might surprise me though and take good care of it . We 'll see . . . . . . . . . . . . While there I took little sister outside , we watched brother chase the chickens , poor things . I told him if he scared them they would not lay any eggs ; - ) We then went to look at the pigs . Then sister had to wade in their little pool . Where do they get all that energy ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? I also tried to go fishing earlier today . I bought a new fish basket , some stringers , some tackle , some line to put on those new fishing reels , a new minnow bucket . It seems Ritzy probably did some " cleaning " and tossed some of my fishing stuff . You see , he is not a fisherman . Even I cannot believe I married someone who doesn 't fish . One of these days I will have him fishing . . . . . . I catch , clean and cook them . He has it made . . . . . . . . . . After buying all this I decided to drive to the place where I always fish . Well let 's just say there was no way " anybody " was getting there . You see , with all the rain we have received the past few days the lake has come right back up . . . . . . . . . . I got about halfway down there and had to turn around . Glad I didn 't spend that money on those minnows ; - ) I drove across the lake where people were fishing on the road and they didn 't look like they were doing any good either . So I came back home , took my " stuff " back in the house and sat outside and enjoyed the afternoon . At least now if I ever get to go , everything will be ready . . . . . . . . . . Ritzy called and if everything went as planned he should be on his way back into Iraq . He is so ready to have this deployment over . Not as much as I am tho ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Tomorrow is a busy day for me . Day tocomments We had a good weekend , worked hard , visited , & ate good food . It must have wore me out though because it seems like all I did yesterday was rest and sleep . It sure felt good to do " nothing " for a change . I guess Ritzy is waiting on a flight back to Iraq . He is doing well also . Can 't wait for this deployment to be over ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! All I did at home today was the housekeeping . . . . . Went to church tonight , then went down to my sisters to visit with her grandchildren . They are so funny to be around . A nephew called around 9 pm and asked if I wanted some fish ( crappie ) , I told him not tonight so I asked my sister if they wanted them and they did . They were some nice fish . I told my sister that she better let me know when she cooks them ; - ) Crappie are my favorite fish to eat . It seems that they are biting good now , I may just have to go tomorrow . I love to fish . . . . . . The crappie are usually through biting by this time of year and the catfish have started , but the crazy weather has thrown everything off . The crappie still had their eggs , so they will be biting for a little while . ( Must have been why I saw people come and go like crazy at the bait / convenience store across the road all day . . . . . . . . ) The place where I have always fished has been under water for most of the spring , I will have to check it out and see if I can go down there . Last summer I bought 2 new fishing poles to go with 2 " new " reels that my brother found me , I guess it is time to " break " them in . These reels are actually 25 years old but have never been used . They were still in their original boxes . . . . . . . One is a Mitchell 301 ( for lefties , which I am ) and the other an Ambassaduer 5000 . I love fishing with these reels . When I was 17 my Dad bought me a Mitchell 301 and about 10 years ago that rod & reel , along with a couple of others and my tackle box were stolen . I was heartbroken . I had always had that fishing pole and tackle box . If you are a fisherman , there are things that mean a lot to you that you have accumulated thru the years and keep in y0 I want to begin with saying that I am so thankful for the sacrifices made by our brave men and women of the armed services . Those who have passed on and those currently serving . Each day we should all think of what it took to make America a " free " nation and not ever forget it . We had a good holiday at the parent 's house today , although I first thought it was going to be a wash out . It rained part of the night and all morning . Finally the sun came out and the day turned out to be pretty good . Because of the rain , it didn 't get near as hot as predicted . All that food , a lot of family and friends , who could ask for more . . . . . . . . . . . I sure missed Ritzy though . I told him I would take pictures of all the food and send them to him . I laughed and asked if that was kind of " mean " and he said " yes " . ; - ) I am gonna do it anyway ! ! ! ! We played horseshoes , talked A LOT , played with the little kids or just watched them play . They are so fun to watch , it 's like they are in their own little world . I got more sun than I thought , because when I got ready to take my bath I noticed I had a red back and arms . Well , Ritzy 's 2nd follow - up appointment is tomorrow and I think he will find out when the Dr . is going to release him to go back to Iraq . As far as I know , he is doing fine , still healing , though . I think I need a vacation to recover from this holiday . . . . . . . . . I think about it as being 1 down and 2 to go before Ritzy returns this fall . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Today after going to church and eating lunch at Mom & Dad 's , I stayed up there all day to help them get ready for the family cookout tomorrow . We did not have church tonite because it was getting to where hardly anyone would show up on the Sunday nite before a holiday , so we usually dismiss services . I stayed because my parent 's yard needed cleaned up . You see , my Dad is always bringing " farm stuff " home and putting it wherever he wants instead of putting it out in the pasture . Well we took on the task of removing it from the yard which turned out to be an all day thing . Mom always wants her yard to look nice , ( and I don 't blame her ) for company . After gathering up all Dad 's " stuff " and moving it to somewhere less noticeable , we started mowing . I grabbed the weed eater and started that while they mowed . I think it was about 8 pm when we finished . I was really tired . Got me a little sun too . . . . . . I sure am glad Ritzy is the way he is about being so " picky " about our yard . I have to watch him though , cause if it ain 't anchored down - it goes in the dumpster . I have often thought that I don 't even want to remember or know what he has thrown away these last 25 years ; - ) Mom & Dad always put on a good cookout on the holidays . They cook enough to feed an army . . . . . . . no kidding . . . . . . . Barbecue ribs , brisket , chicken , polish sausage , hamburgers , hot dogs and all the works . No one goes hungry at these gatherings , if you do - it 's your own fault . . . . . . . We also play horseshoes , croquet , and other games and the kids jump on the trampoline . I sure am going to miss Ritzy tomorrow . While everyone else is there with their spouse and having a great time , I will be wishing mine could be there with me . . . . . . . . . . . and be sad because he isn 't . . . . . . . . . . . . After a pretty easy day , the 6 - year old nephew and I went to see the new Indiana Jones movie . As expected the movie was great . . . . . . Afterwards the nephew played games until I got tired of feeding those machines my quarters . . . . . . . . We then went to Cracker Barrel where we did some " shopping " first . He talked me into a couple of things , ( he didn 't have to talk very hard , haha ! ! ) I also got his little sister something . I know better than to show up without anything for her . After shopping we both had shrimp for supper , mmmmmmm ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I dropped him off at his Nana 's ( my sister 's ) . I have taken my bath . I have also studied my Sunday School lesson so I will be ready to teach my Ladies ' class tomorrow . It was a good day all around . I talked to Ritzy earlier , he seems to be doing ok from that surgery . I think he will be leaving Kuwait next week to head back to Iraq . He doesn 't sound to thrilled to be going back , but he is ready to get back to work . I still miss him and I will til he gets back home . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . The daughter and a friend took her friend 's 2 nephews to the Tulsa Zoo today , and the son and one of his cousins went to OK City to the new fancy theatre to see Indiana Jones and spend the night with some more cousins . I noticed also that he took his golf clubs , so who knows when he will be back home . I just hope they are careful and have a good time . . . . . . . . . During the movie previews I saw another fun movie to take that nephew to so we might be headed back there in a couple of weeks . We were talking about it on the way home . . . . . . . It looks like it is time for the thought 's to take a rest for today . . . . . . . . . . . don 't want to oversleep in the morning . . . . . . . . . The late spring / early summer is the most beautiful time of the year here in this part of the state . All the flowers are coming out , the lawns are starting to look really good , and everything is green . But , if you are one of the unlucky ones to suffer from hay fever and allergies this can be the worst time of year . Everyone is starting to cut the fields to get their hay in for the season , and that stirs up who knows what ! ! ! ! This is a poppy in my flower garden . They come up every year volunteer . Those ( volunteer ) are the kind of flowers I like ! ! I had just filled my plate for supper , sat it down on the table and my cell phone rang . It was my Dad , it seems his tractor had just about run out of diesel while he was in the field getting it ready to plant tomorrow . Mom couldn 't help because she was busy babysitting , so I put down my plate , went to his house which is a little over a mile away got the diesel and took it to him . He was only about 3 miles away . Said he had about another hours work to do . Came back home and ate my " warm " food . . . . I 'm almost 50 and when Dad calls I still obey ! ! ! ! haha ! ! ! ! Only because he raised me and my sisters and brother right , also because I love my parents , and I think that is the way it should be . This guy is 70 years old , supposed to be " retired " , but still goes to the job every day ( he and his brother own the business ) . He also has 80 acres , 40 head of cattle and does the hay on the " side " . I don 't know if he will ever slow down . When he started messing with the cattle he said he was only going to have about 7 of them , yeah right ! ! ! ! He was raised on a farm and was driving a tractor at the age of 7 . I guess when you have it in your " blood " it never goes away . I often wonder , " What is the deal with men thinking they have to have land ? ? ? ? " Ritzy works with ranchers and farmers in his civilian job and he mentioned one time that he would like to have some land , I just looked at him and said " I don 't think so . . . . . . " ; - ) I sure hope he gets that out of his system before he retires in the necomments I started out the day tired and that is how i am ending it . . . . . . I knew better , but i stayed up til 3 am this morning talking to a friend . I only got a few hours sleep before getting up this morning . I am getting to old for that . . . . . . . . I didn 't do much of anything today . watched the news on tv , heard about the huge tornado in Colorado and the price of oil . The price of a gallon of gas is crazy . . . . . and because of that i don 't do anymore running than necessary . Went to watch that 6 year old nephew play ball tonite . his team sure is good . they won their game . he wanted to come home with me till dark , so i said ok . he tormented my son , ha ha ! ! ! took him home and played with him and his little 2 1 / 2 year old sister at my sister 's house . they are a lot of fun . . . . i think we all wore one another out . . . . . ritzy called and talked for a few minutes today , i was busy trying to copy and scan pictures of my mom & dad and our family , because me , my sisters and brother are giving them a surprise party for their 50th anniversary . i found out mom was going to be gone from the house for a while today so me and a niece went up there , found old pictures , brought them here , scanned , and copied them and took them back before mom got back . while i was doing all this , hubby called . i hate being busy when he calls , but i could not help it . this party is the second Saturday in June , so we were running out of time to get this " little " job done . thank goodness an opportunity came for us to " sneak " those pictures ! ! ! ! i sure hope we can pull off the surprise part of this party . Dad knows , so we are really trying to surprise mom . their anniversary is actually June 6th but my brother is on vacation at that time so we are doing it the next Saturday . i was tyring to think of a way to do something for mom and surprise her too , so i asked if her and dad had any plans , she said no so i said , since my brother is going to be gone that weekend , we who are here could meet together somewhere nice for a meal and have cake afterward . she said that sounded lik0 Today sure started out better than yesterday , no broken candles , no wrong parts , not as much running around . . . . . . . . It was busy enough though . . Mom & I made another trip to Tulsa to visit our pastor , I really should say former pastor because he has just retired at the age of 76 . He was recuperating very well after his surgery . He gets to go home tomorrow because he is doing so well . That was good to see . We were finally able to eat that lunch at Cracker Barrel today and I was able to use the gift card that the son got me for Mother 's Day . I sure had fun trying to decide what to get ; - ) The daughter put in her request of a chicken dorito casserole for supper so after stopping and getting the ingredients for that we headed home . Got home just in time to make it for supper . I had forgotten how easy it was to make and how good it tastes . yummmmmm ! ! ! ! ! I ate my supper outside , it was so peaceful , I loved it . My neice was here and we got to visit a while . I talked to Ritzy at noon and of course I was at the Cracker Barrel when he called and this was the second day in a row I was somewhere running around when he called . He asked if that was all I did now , and I told him it just happens sometimes ; - ) His follow - up appointment was today and he said that everything was healing the way it is supposed to . He has another appointment next Tuesday . I guess it will be decided then about when he will return to Iraq . He better enjoy this " time off " while he can . Although , it 's kind of hard to enjoy the time your are off when you are recovering from surgery . . . . . . . . I know . . . . I have gone thru 2 surgeries in my lifetime and it sure isn 't fun . . . . Yea ! ! ! ! the only thing I have to do tomorrow is go to mid - week church tomorrow nite . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I keep looking at the weather for the weekend , trying to see if it is going to rain on Memorial Day . . . . I should know by now that it usually does , but maybe we will get lucky this year and it will stay dry . . . . . . I reckon this is enough " thinking " for one day . . don 't want to overwork that poor little0 Today started out really early for me . My mom , sister and I had to go to Tulsa to the hospital for a friend 's surgery , mom and sister had to run a couple of errands , and we were going to stop and eat lunch before returning home . This morning while everyone was getting ready at my house , I was at a table and my son grabbed a gatorade out of the refrigerator and put in on the table where I was , but it didn 't stay where he put it , it slid over and knocked that pretty candle he had gotten me for Mother 's Day off and broke it . We just kind of looked at each other and said " oops " . . . . . . . . later after arriving at the hospital around 8 am because the surgery was supposed to start at 9 am , the family told us they took him at 8 , so we were thinking hey we might get out of here early . . . . . . . . . . wrong ! ! ! ! ! When the phone in the waiting room rang at 11 : 30 they had called to let everyone know that he was just now going into surgery . We thought well here goes the afternoon ; - ) At 2 pm we finally left because mom had to get back home with a tractor part she was picking up for dad . So . . . . . . no lunch . . . . . Arrived home around 4pm , so I started cooking supper . Mom called at 5 and said she was on her way back to Tulsa , ( which is 50 miles away ) because they had given her the wrong part , and if she was lucky she would get there by closing time which was 6 pm . . . . . . . . . What a day ! ! ! ! I fixed supper , we ate , and while cleaning the kitchen , I saw the son go outside not thinking anything about it and in he walks with a brand new candle just like the one he broke this morning . . . . . I said how did you do that ? ! ? He had his cousin pick it up on his way home from work . I thought that was about the sweetest thing he could have ever done . . . . . . . . . . . . . and told him so . . . . Like I have said before , these kids sure can surprise you once in a while . . . . It 's only 7 : 20 and I am tired and ready for bed ! ! ! ! ! Mom called and informed me that she and I are going back to Tulsa tomorrow to visit our Pastor , who had the surgery , because we could not see him today . I just h0 Most of us lead such a busy life that we just need to slow down and rest sometimes . That is exactly what I tried to do today . After attending church , I went to Mom & Dad 's to eat lunch with my family . The menu today was barbecue chicken wings , mashed potatoes , gravy , corn , biscuits , salad , and for dessert - turtle brownies . Great job Mom & Dad ! ! ! ! I am so thankful that at least part of our family is able to get together every Sunday for a meal and enjoy visiting each other . We have a great time . After eating a meal like that , all a person wants to do is rest . . . . . . . . . but not for me . . . . . . . . That 7 year old great - nephew came home with me which meant no nap for you know who today . . . . . . thats 's ok though , he 's fun to have around . I like to kid him a lot . Ritzy called while I was outside enjoying the sunshine . He is still sore , but doing ok . I think he is ready for this to heal so he can get back to his old self . I sure miss him ! ! ! ! ! ! Our pastor is having a shoulder joint replaced in the morning at 9am . My Mom , Sister and I are going to the hospital . That means leaving the house at 7 : 30am ! ! ! ! ! Me and the two kids are all going to be getting ready at the same time in the morning . Although we have 2 bathrooms , everyone likes to use the same room to get ready in . This ought to be interesting . . . . . I just know from the way I am feeling right now it sure is going to be hard to get up in the morning . . . . . . which means I had better go get some rest right now . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Today was beautiful . After working outside all day I realized ( too late ) that I should have used some sunscreen . But I was so happy to see the sunshine , I forgot . After working , I cooked steaks and veggies outside and the kids and I ate . Mmmmmm ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I was thinking about how beautiful everything is now , compared to how it all looked last December during that terrible ice storm , where we had no water or electricity for 10 days . This is my back yard after the storm . Things sure can change . Just look at the pictures ; and to make things worse this ice storm happened while Ritzy was away training for this deployment . It was just me and the son at home . During Ritzy 's 10 day leave for Christmas , I bet you can just guess how that was spent , , , , , yup cleaning up this mess ! ! ! ! ! I had been telling him how bad it was but he just had to see it to know what I was talking about . We had our electricity back on just a week before Ritzy came home . We did buy a generator on the second day after this storm hit , though . It was rough , but we made it . It would be ok with me to never need that thing again . After the loss of most of the trees in our yard last year in which we lost all the limbs off our papershell pecan trees ( after having one of the most productive years in a long time ) . It 's gonna be a while before I see any pecans fall from these trees . This year everything is beautiful now that spring is here and summer is soon to follow . . . . . . . 0 My son , who works for my Dad and Uncle in their heat & air business , came home today with a piece of duct tape wrapped around his little finger . I saw it and wondered " ok " what has he done this time . Well he took off the tape and showed me 4 little holes and asked me to " guess " what he had done . You have to understand with him there is no telling . He grabbed his phone and shows me this picture . I think he is " proud " of it . . . . . It made chills run up and down my back . . . Yikes ! ! I asked how in the world he stapled his finger . He just said I guess it slipped ; - ) . My Dad was standing there with him when it happened and I 'll just bet he had a good laugh . I remember when I was young and Dad would come home with duct tape on his head , arms , hands , etc . . . . . we just kind of grew up knowing that he had cut or scratched or punctured himself on the job . Who needs Band - aids when you have duct tape ? ? ? ? ? He said it sure was fun to pull out . It was a pretty uneventful day at home , thank goodness . . . . . I did have one phone call I had to make that kind of " ticked " me off . I received a letter saying I had not paid a supplemental insurance premium , so I looked online at our bank account and there were the copies of the checks that these people say they haven 't recieved . Well , I call these people up and they say they cannot talk to me , it has to be Ritzy they talk to because it is thru his civilian job . I was a little miffed because I have had no trouble talking to anyone before and told them so , ( nicely ) . When Ritzy first went on deployment and the automatic payroll deduction stopped , I had to contact them so I could get a statement and start paying by mail . I had even asked for a Supervisor today , which I got and I will give them credit for that . . . . I told them that Ritzy was in Iraq , and I had a Power of Attorney . I also told them they sure have no trouble taking the checks that I sign and send to them . They had to agree with me on that point . So - - - - I scan the copies of the checks , a copy of Ritzy 's orders , the Power of Attorney , comments I keep wondering when things will slow down , but it doesn 't look to happen any time soon . . . . I had to go to three different towns today to take care of all my errands . I finally finished late this afternoon , yea ! ! ! ! ! Geez the price of gas now sure has me where I don 't even want to start my truck let alone drive it all over the place . I could not believe it when I saw $ 3 . 69 / gal . on that sign . In one of the towns i actually saw the price of $ 3 . 72 / gal . It 's a shame also to spend that much on a gallon of gas to mow the lawn ; - ) May have to get me a couple of goats . . . . NOT ! ! ! It 's rough when you live 8 miles from the closest small town and do most of your shopping 30 miles away . . . The truck pretty much stays parked in garage , haha ! ! ! I told Ritzy today what we are paying for gas and he could not believe it . Ritzy and I are planning a trip to Wisconsin , where his family lives , after he returns from this deployment and we were talking about how much gas would cost for that trip . It 's crazy ! ! ! The sad thing is I don 't see anyone doing anything about the fuel prices in our government . It 's going to get to where people have to decide - - - do I eat or do I put gas in the car . . . . . . . . . I can remember when gas was 25 cents a gallon . WOW ! ! ! ! I took some pictures this morning to send Ritzy just so he could see some color . . . . this is one of them , and yes I know the grass needs mowed . . . . . You can see Ritzy 's " farm truck " in the background . . . . he has worked this poor little truck to death , ; - ) better it than me , I say . . . . . he is so tired of all the brown in Iraq . . . . . . . It is really pretty in NE Oklahoma right now . Everything is so green and the flowers are really starting to bloom . I love this time of year . Hopefully we will be able to mow the lawn tomorrow or Saturday . It has been so wet that the yard is just now dry enough to put a mower on . I love the way the lawn looks just after it is mowed and I like to watch the birds come out and look for food in the fresh mowed grass . So I will keep hoping it stays dry long enough to get my lawn0 That phone call I have been patiently waiting on arrived at 4 : 30 this morning . It was Ritzy telling me he was very sore , but ok . It was soooooo good to hear his voice . He was worried about waking me up , I reminded him that I do not care about his waking me up . Anyone else does it and I might have a problem . . . . . ; - ) It 's only 10 : 25 am - I know . . . . the thoughts have started early today , somedays the brain gets into gear a little faster than others , , , , and I haven 't even had that cup of coffee yet . . . . I 'm sure there will be more to follow , but 's that 's it for now . . . . . . Well another day closer to Ritzy coming home . . . . . He called again around noon . We didn 't get to talk long , but I sure am thankful for any time I get to spend talking to him . I had a busy afternooon , had to order pizza for church tonite , go pick it up and take it to church . It sure tasted good . In fact I don 't think I 've ever had pizza and it not taste good ; - ) It 's about time to call it a day and get some rest so I can be ready for whatever tomorrow might bring . . . . . . . . Well , I spent this day waiting to hear from Ritzy or someone telling me how his surgery went . Being thousands of miles away I was almost certain , ( wait is that an oxy - moron , oh well ) that someone would call . I guess the Army doesn 't care that the family members back home might be a little concerned about their loved ones . . . . guess not , cause I have heard nothing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I am still waiting . . and it is no fun . . . . . . . Yesterday our call got cut off and that was the last I heard from him . Not much else happend today . Had a few family members and my Pastor call to find out about hubby , but I had nothing to report . . . . thank you very much ! To some I might need an " attitude adjustment " , but I am so ready for this deployment to be over ! ! ! ! ! Changing gears - it looks like it could rain anytime , right now I really don 't care if it does or doesn 't . My yard is just getting dry enough to mow so it will probably get wet again . And now for some good news , actually wonderful news , our daughters friend , who just finished chemotherapy last month found out today that his cancer is GONE ! ! ! ! ! I am so happy for him and so thankful to God for answered prayer . As for hubby , I am gonna keep waiting for that call . . . . . . . . . . . . . Well I guess today started out " ok " enough . Got up , had breakfast , coffee . . . . . finished all the housework , laundry . . . . I was waiting on Ritzy 's call . Since he is in a different place the phone calls are a little different . Well , he called and we were talking about his upcoming surgery , if someone would call me afterwards , the next time he might get to call , etc . . . . . and before we could finish our conversation the phone cut us off . We were on one of those DSN government lines . I thought oh well he will call back , but he never did . So here I was - not being able to tell him goodbye , I Love You . . . . . . . . . let 's just say the rest of the day was - for lack of a better word " crappy " ! ! ! ! ! ! I don 't know when I will hear from him again . The surgery is supposed to be between 10 pm and midnight ( Oklahoma Time ) tonite . . . . . . I sure don 't like the fact that I cannot be there for him . . . . . . . it sure didn 't make it any easier when he said that he wished I could be there with him . . . . . . . . . . I guess I had better get over it , huh ? ? ? ? I just pray that all goes well and someone will contact me . Might be hard to get to sleep tonite , , , I have had a hard time getting to sleep anyways these last 15 years or so , and especially since last year when I first learned there was a possiblilty that Ritzy could be called up to serve in Iraq . I told him 4 - 5 years ago that I would not get a good night 's sleep until he was totally out of the National Guard . Well , come March 2009 he is out for good ! ! ! ( only 4 1 / 2 months after this deployment ends ) I can hardly wait ! For now though I guess I will just be waiting on that call . . . . . . . . I hope this was a good Mother 's Day for everyone . Mine was really good although it sure would have been better with Ritzy around . Like I have said before - - - - - I sure do miss him ! ! ! ! ! My kids gave me really nice gifts . You know they can suprise you once in a while . . . . . . . . We had a good service at church today honoring the mothers . . . . . . . Ritzy called me around noon from Kuwait , you see he is there for surgery . I sure don 't like the fact that I can 't be there for and with him , but he will be well taken care of I 'm quite sure . . . . He goes for appointment tomorow and surgery soon to follow . I guess he will be there about three weeks total . . . . . . . . . All Iknow is someone had better call me and let me know how he is , or I will not be very happy . . . . . . . Usually I have bought my own mother her gift way before Mother 's Day but this year my sister and I waited until after lunch today to go buy mom 's gift . Yesterday storms were breaking out and I wasn 't about to be out to get caught in a bad storm . Also , since Ritzy 's deployment I have had a hard time getting interested in anything . . . . . may not be the right attitude but it 's the one I have . . . . . . . I 'm trying to get better about it though . . . . . I will e - mail Ritzy here in a little while to catch him up on the daily news from home , cause if I don 't I have usually forgotten what I want to say when he calls the next day ; - ) I will also ask if he remembered to call his own mother ; - ) Ritzy will be missed as we start celebrating all the spring , summer and fall holidays . . . . . . . . . . . . . I am sure that I as well as the other spouses are counting down the months , weeks , and days til thier loved one returns home . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I see Mother 's Day as another " holiday " down and a few more to go . . . . which is probably how I will view each " holiday " that comes up til he returns home . . . . . . . . Tomrrow is Mother 's Day . My daughter came in the dining room carrying these . I really like them . I just had to take a picture . My neice always makes me , her mom and granny our corsages . I recieved mine tonite . It sure is pretty . Can 't wait to wear it to church tomorrow . It seems that while I was napping this afternoon there was severe weather to the east . One town , Picher in NE Oklahoma was destroyed . that 's too bad . There were people who lost their lives also . I always hate hearing that . God be with their families . We just missed the bad weather since it formed to our east . I can 't believe I slept thru it all . The wind is blowing pretty good outside right now . This weather here in Oklahoma sure has been strange these past few years . About the weather - - - - I usually go fishing about 1 mile west in a little creek . The crappie come in there to lay their eggs . Of course I bought my fishing license and now I can 't go because the Oologah Lake has been up way too high because of all the rain we have recieved this spring . It had just started down and here comes more rain . . . . . . . This year the weather did not warm up long enough for the water to get the right temperature for the fish to come in and spawn anyways . It kept getting warm for a few days and then really cool off . . . . I have a nephew who brings some catfish by once in a while for me . I don 't mind cleaning them . . . . I told him to tell his Dad ( my brother ) I sure could use some crappie . They go fishing in their boat a lot . . . . When I was growing up my Dad said he would only take us fishing if we baited our own hook , got the fish off the hook and helped clean them . . . . . . . so I am ususally the one in our home who does the fishing , cleans and cooks them . Ritzy has it made ; - ) That 's ok though because I love to go fishing and I love to eat ' em . . . . . . . . It 's about time for the catfish to start biting along the road that crosses the lake . I don 't know how the lake being up so high is going to affect the catfishing this year . Last year because of all the rain , this lake got to wit0 As I sit here in the dining room and watch the sun set , which is a beautiful one by the way , I think about how the day has gone . Ritzy called this morning , , it 's funny , when he calls he is getting ready to shower and go to bed and my day is only starting real good , usually only on my second cup of coffee ; - ) I don 't know how to explain this feeling I have knowing that he and I aren 't even on the same " shift " . . . . . . . sometimes it just bothers me more than usual . . . . don 't know why - just does . . . . . . . . makes me feel even more alone . . . . . . granted a majority of the time things are " ok " , but there are still days like today when things are just blah . there are things we want to talk about when he calls but our time is limited so we just cover the most important , one subject being - - " I Love You & Miss You ! ! ! " and " Are you taking care of yourself ? ? " I going to turn in early tonite , we had severe storms roll thru here between 2 and 3 am this morning , I stayed up to watch . Had a tornado warning for our part of county . . . . maybe I am just tired and it is catching up with me . The kids are getting ready to go out for the night and I am thinking - - - here goes another Friday nite alone . Don 't get me wrong , there are times I treasure being alone , , , , but not all the time . . . . . ; - ) I sure will be glad when Ritzy gets back . . . . . . . He is going to have to have surgery while on this deployment ( sometime next week ) I guess I probably feel sad because I can 't be there for him , , , , , , , all I know is they better take darned good care of him ! ! ! Well the sun is just about gone and it 's time to end this day and look forward to what tommorrow might bring . . . . . . . Not much going on here today . . . . It 's about time ! I picked up my great - nephew from school . He came home with me and stayed till about 7 . I took him to his nana 's and stayed there for about1 1 / 2 hours . Hubby called earlier in the day and we talked for our allotted 30 minutes , it seems he was finally able to move out of a tent that sleeps about 40 - to a room that only he and one other person share . He was kind of excited to be in his own " space " during the rest of this deployment . . . . I have said it before and I will keep saying it until he returns home - - - - I sure do miss him ! ! ! ! ! He is more than halfway thru this deployment , ( less than 5 months to go ) and the end of it can 't come soon enough for me . I can 't wait until the army no longer has it 's hold on him and we can have the rest of our time to ourselves . He is retiring after this deployment , and after 21 years of service - I say I am " ready " for this . . . . . Don 't get me wrong - - - - - I have always supported his service to our country and am very proud of him . But like I said I am ready to have him to myself . . . . . . . I just keep thinking about what it is going to be like when he returns home after being gone for 12 months . We are going to have to get " used " to each other again . . . . . After being married for 25 years that sounds kind of strange doesn 't it . . . . . . I was wondering what my thoughts for the day would be about because it was a pretty uneventful day . Cloudy and rainy for the most part . I had been checking the radar off and on all day to keep up with the movement of the rain . As I was getting ready to leave for church I saw that we could get " some " rain before I returned home . Well church was over and someone said there was a bad storm on the way so people left in a hurry , but not me . . . . . I just had to stay and talk to some friends and then we heard it . . . . . . Rain was falling hard and fast . We thought it would stop in a few minutes but no . . . . . . . after 45 minutes I decided to go ahead and " tough it " and leave . Oh my Gosh ! ! ! I had to walk about 20 ft . in the rain to my truck at the church and about another 25 ft in it once I arrived home . You have heard the term " drowned rat " . . . . . . let 's just say I now know what one feels and looks like . I had to walk in about 6 inches of water all the way to my back door . I listened to the TV and our area had received between 4 - 5 inches in less than 1 hour . WOW ! ! ! ! I have never seen that much rain in so little time . Would be OK with me to not ever see it fall like that again . Tomorrow , I am going to have to check those tomato and pepper plants I planted this last week and make sure they are still in the ground and not washed away . I heard the weather man say that here the next week things are supposed to return to " normal " . . . . . After going thru 2 years of drought and then the last 2 years have been very wet , I am not sure what " normal " is anymore here in Oklahoma . . . . . . . . . ; - ) Military Spouse Day . ( Friday , May 9 , 2008 ) A time to recognize the sacrifice of Military Spouses and their families . I had forgotten about it til I was reading some online news . All of a sudden I felt a great sense of pride and sadness at the same time . Pride because of Ritzy and the hard work and time and dedication he has given the Military in his 20 + years of service . Sadness because of our being apart right now and also of all the time that the military has separated us in our soon - to - be 25 years of marriage . . . . . . . . . . I know he is in the National Guard and not Active Army , but when you add up all those " drill weekends " and 2 or 3 week Annual Trainings , the one month deployments and the 12 month deployments that he has served over a 20 year period of time , it adds up . . . . . . . . . . . . . . If you know anyone who is a Military Spouse let them know you are there for them , and do something as small as taking them out for a meal . You won 't believe how much they will appreciate it . That could be the only adult conversation they may have that day . Sometimes the only person a " spouse " may talk to during the day is the loved one that is gone and they are lucky if they get to talk 2 - 3 times a week and the talk time is limited . They will appreciate the fellowship and it will mean more than you can know . . . . . . . . . . I am so thankful for the ones who serve in the military , it is not easy and a lot of sacrifices are made , so to these military and their families I would like to say " THANK YOU " ! ! I think I finally got caught up with the running around , yard work , dinner dates , etc . . . . today . I had a wonderful time with the ladies from Ritzy 's civilian job today as we met for lunch . We decided we need to do it more often . I planted a few more flowers and also 1 bell pepper plant . I finished burning the rest of the brush and I decided to put hummingbird feeders in the yard . I wasn 't going to feed the hummers , but as I was sitting at my patio table the other evening a hummer came by the artificial flowers I had " planted " . Made me feel bad and guilty that I didn 't have anything for him to eat . I quit trying to feed them because I hate dealing with the ants that always find their way to the feeders . I put some poison at the base of the hook they are hung on and I learned today that duct tape ( sticky side out ) wrapped aroung base works . I am certainly going to try that . Who knew of all the uses for duct tape ? ? ? ? ; - ) I guess I can now sit in my chair and rest until something else comes along . . . . which it usually does . I just wish I could go relax in my recliner but since Ritzy has been gone I don 't even like to go into the living room to watch tv . That is just something we always did together . You know I haven 't even put up the clothes he wore when he was home for 10 days in December . They are still folded in the wash room . Just can 't bring myself to do it . I guess I like seeing them when I walk into the utility room , they remind me of him , and how much I love and miss him . . . . . . . I usually spend my free time at the laptop which is on the dining table . The kids and I don 't eat at the table so I might as well use it for something . . . . . I think it is supposed to rain for the next 2 - 3 days , it figures , here in Oklahoma don 't get used to the weather cause it 's going to be changing pretty soon . . . . . . . . . ( except in August where it just stays hot ! ! ! ) Who knows what tomorrow will bring . . . . . . . . . I know today is Sunday the day of rest , but here the last week I believe I have forgotten what " rest " is . I started out going to Sunday School & Church . Our church is a small church with only about 50 or so attending . We always go to my parent 's house to eat on Sundays . My Dad usually does the cooking which is so odd because when I was growing up my Dad never did anything in the kitchen . The only problem now is he still doesn 't know how to clean up his mess ; - ) We had Brisket today , it was really good . . . My Great - nephew came home with me afterward and was supposed to help me burn 2 huge brushpiles from the December ice storm , but he and the son got to playing X - Box games and that 's the last I saw of him for the afternoon ; - ) I should have " rested " but today was the first day in a long time that the wind was hardly blowing so I saw a chance to burn and I did . Started about 1 : 30 and finished about 4 : 00 , just in time to go get ready for church tonite which starts at 5 : 00 . You know . . . . yesterday and today were the first time I have actually cared about what the outside looked like since Ritzy left . I went thru the first few months just getting by . You might say I should have expected him to be gone and just gotten over it , but during our almost 25 years of being together , this is the first time we have ever spent a long period of time apart . When he was on deployment in 2003 - 2004 it was in Arkansas and either he would come home for 3 days every 15 days or I would go there . It would alternate and that was bad enough . When you love and care for someone and each of you have been used to doing everything together it 's hard being apart , no matter what . I still think about him while I am out working in the yard because I know he would love to be out there too . I have gotten my first sunburn of the season . . . . I just can 't believe how nice the weather was this weekend , I hope there are a lot more of them . . . Tomorrow I still have some running around to do and I believe the remainder of the week is free , yea ! ! I guess I will be a0 Today was a gorgeous day here in Oklahoma , the first day that we haven 't had rain , clouds or high winds in a long time . Me and the son spent most of the day outside . He mowed while I picked up debris out of the yard , ( still picking up limbs from December 2007 ice storm ) blew grass off the sidewalk , and used the weed eater . We have quite a bit to mow because we mow our neighbor 's yard which is about 1 acre plus our 1 1 / 2 acres . I finally planted my tomatoes . Hopefully I waited long enough that they won 't be frostbitten . I just sat on the patio looking at the birds and watching the traffic go in and out at the little bait / convenience store across the road . I heard a strange bird call and looked to see what kind of bird was there , it was this pretty oriole . I ran into house to get camera to take some pictures , this picture shows the oriole in our maple tree in back yard , ( notice the damage from ice storm ) . . Ritzy called while I was outside and I told him what we were doing . I know he really misses mowing the yard , We would always work outside on Saturdays to make things look as pretty as possible . He always did a good job . The neighbors would always comment about how good Ritzy kept the lawn . After finishing and putting tools away I just sat at table on patio and got to feeling really sad , because I thought about Hubby having to be away during this summer / fall and the times we would miss doing just what I did today . That 's when I realized it was time to go in the house for the night . . . . . . . . . I thought today was going to be a little slower , , , , not ! ! ! ! ! After staying up til 2am this morning talking to the daughter and watching the severe weather my head finally hit the pillow . Got a few hours sleep , , , and right away this morning my cell phone started ringing . You see me my 2 sisters and our mom were going out to eat today and everyone was calling everyone to see what the plan was . I said I didn 't know this wasn 't my idea ; - ) Anyways by the time I had fixed hair , put face and clothes on it was about 10am . I had made a pot of coffee which i was looking forward to drinking and had my oatmeal ready to eat , my youngest sister calls and says she wants to meet at 11 , ( in a town 28 miles away ) I told her I was just getting ready to eat breakfast and she said , " Well , don 't eat ; - ) " I did not see the humor in that because I look forward to my oatmeal and coffee every morning ; - ) We all meet up at Chili 's to eat and while we are eating , Ritzy calls from Iraq and while everyone else is talking , i spend the next 30 minutes with a finger in one ear and the phone to my other ear , ( no i don 't talk on the phone like that , it was noisy in there , , , haha ) ! ! ! I missed out on all the " gossip " going on at our table , that 's ok though , cause Ritzy is always going to take first place ! ! ! After eating , Mom and 2 of us go to Tulsa to do a little shopping , i know you are thinking - - - how do 3 women do a " little " shopping . Well we knew what we were after and it didn 't take long . Returned home about 2 : 30 . . . I still had to go grocery shopping after returning home . When you live in a remote area you do a lot of running different places for different things . I got my grocery shopping done and was headed back home aroung 5pm . Now . . . . if anyone comes up with anything for me to do this weekend , I am liable to just go crawl in a hole ! ! ! ! : - ) I am gettin ' too old to run around like this ( haha ! ) Come Monday I am supposed to meet a couple of ladies who work in Ritzy 's civilian office and have lunch ( they have been very faithful in calling me an0 This is one of those days that you are glad to see the sun set . My niece called first thing this morning and asked " Are you busy today ? " ( that 's always a loaded question ) i had things to do but they really could wait , so i asked her what she needed . She needed a pickup to go get a new riding mower at Home Depot about 40 miles away . So I took her , we got the mower and came home and unloaded it . . thankfully there is a ditch with a deep embankment that i could back up to and roll the mower out . After dropping her and her mower off i needed to go to the post office about 8 miles away and get some stamps , send hubby some mail and send off bills . After leaving post office i was on my way to our bank which is only 28 miles from the town that the post office is in . By this time I was getting hungry and was planning to stop at the Sonic to grab a jr . burger and a large sweet tea . . . . . got to town and the Sonic was " closed due to moving to another site on other side of town " . . . . i thought - - - well this day is really going good . . . went to the bank and stopped at a convenience store to grab a bar - be - que sandwich and an Icee . Had my heart set on that sweet tea though : - ( Left town and had one other stop to make before heading home . Had to pick up a birthday cake and ice cream for my mom . Today is her birtday and she doesn 't know we are showing up at her & dad 's later for cake . I am taking her ( asked dad too , but said he did not feel like going , oh well - his loss ) to Cracker Barrel in a couple of hours for supper . So my day is not over yet . This is one of those days when you can 't wait for your head to hit the pillow ; - ) . . . . . . . . . . . I guess now i had better start fixing hair and putting make - up on . . . . . . . don 't want to scare people ya know . . . . . . i am the proud wife of a now retired ( as of March 2009 ) Oklahoma National Guardsman ( Ritzy ) who returned home from his deployment . We have been married 33 years on July 30 , 2016 . have a son who turned 32 in June and a daughter who was 30 in September . We added a new son - in - law to the family on April 22 , 2011 . We are now Grandparents to twin boys born February 28 , 2012 ( 7 weeks early - but doing great ) and another grandson born May 25 , 2016 I play piano at our church . i love to fish for crappie in the spring at my favorite " fishing hole " , plant flowers , garden and spend time outside in my swing , and let 's not forget I am the one who keeps things running smoothly in this home ; - )
|
Nathaniel Blood BrotherHood Series ( Final Book ) Release Day 12 / 26 / 16 Beth Snow had been given a death sentence . The doctors had only given her six months to live . She didn 't want her parents to have to watch her die , so she packed up everything she had in the new motorhome and hit the road . Nate knew she was coming . He 'd been dreaming of her for months now , and all the dreams where they were battling Benton had turned out the same - with Beth 's death . How could he take a mate to just watch her die ? The battle to save the earth was reaching its peak for Rembrandt 's Blood Brotherhood . Everyone 's dreams had become prophetic , and either Benton would die , or they all would . Would they find the missing piece to their strategy to defeat the monster once and for all ? Live or die , they were all in it until the bitter end . What happens next ? Find out in the final installment of the Blood Brotherhood - Nathaniel . It was time for him to die . Rembrandt was ready . He had put up a good fight and nearly died twice that day , but now he was done and he was ready to die on the battlefield with the rest of his brethren . Death would be merciful , he would finally be with his wife and children . A being clad in black had other ideas . Rembrandt was meant to help him fight his cause and to help right a wrong that his kind had brought to this world . He gifted the reluctant Rembrandt with a taste for blood and immortality … and more … so much more . Rembrandt had had enough . He was over this life 1800 years ago and now he was just sick of it . The creatures he fought , the malefactors , kept growing in numbers and he couldn 't kill them fast enough to keep up . He had fought the battle alone all these years and he wasn 't sure he even wanted to anymore . Skylar Manning was just trying to be nice . The mysterious man dressed in black was hanging around after closing … again . It was the third time this week . Only this time he grabbed her arm . Her world changed forever . Suddenly she found herself hunted by shadowy figures with razor sharp teeth , and into the arms of a warrior who craved her as much as she did him … Vicki Carver had seen all the carnage from what appeared to be some kind of battle and just stopped long enough to see if the big man was alive or dead like the rest of them . That large broadsword in his hand had her keep her distance . Pitching a pebble or two at his face should arouse him if he was indeed still alive . Davis Brown was thoroughly exhausted , but he couldn 't ignore the small stones pelting his face . If it was more malefactors to fight he 'd just have to let them do him in . He was too tired to fight again so soon . To his surprise it was a woman ― not just any woman ― but a feisty vixen who was not only beautiful but could see the malefactors . That meant that she was either magical or one of them ― a warrior ― his mate … . Vicki had her own demons to battle and to be thrown into a mystical battle with Rembrandt 's warriors to save their world from being overrun by malefactors wasn 't anything she had planned for , much less this mate business . Who did he think he was anyway ? But she couldn 't seem to resist the hot , sexy man that brought her to the compound … . Leonard Earl wants no part of Rembrandt 's rag tag team of saviors . Before the cancer he 'd been happy teaching children . But when the mysterious man in black shows up in his hospital room and heals him , he has no choice but to join the group . No one says he has to like it . Jamey has been on her own awhile . It doesn 't take her long to figure out she is different , and that the malefactors can 't change her into one of them . Since the malefactors have taken over her town , she spends her days picking them off with her bow and arrows , or delivering food and water to the remaining survivors . Jamey 's body is also a " host " to a dragon that has been with her for as long as she can remember . He protects her and keeps her safe … . The dragon is leading Jamey to the man he is destined to transfer to . He tells her together they will balance . Jamey is willing to take the dragon wherever he needs to go , but the man she wants no part of … . She will miss her friend . Leo is none too happy to find out that Jamey is bringing the dragon to him and the discovery that she is his mate . He 's already had a woman break his heart and wants no part of this mate business . He takes the dragon to save her life , but that 's where it ends … or does it ? The malefactors are increasing in number and they need to stand together to defeat them . Jamey sees her chance and takes it to defeat their enemy . Will Leo make the ultimate sacrifice to save her ? Find out in the next installment of Blood Brotherhood ― Leonard . Christopher hadn 't been with Rembrandt 's group long . With their combined efforts there were fewer and fewer monsters to fight . His mate had died a long time ago , so he volunteered to go with Skylar to look for some " newbies " . When they arrived at the warehouse the new ones were acting very strange . Kate had been scouting out the building when a large crate just suddenly appeared out of nowhere . Curiosity had her standing in the shadows when she saw two warriors come up the stairs and approach the crate . When they became aware of her presence , the man shifted into the largest cat she 'd ever seen and pinned her to the floor with his large paws . Richard James is a very old vampire and was already an immortal when he joined Rembrandt 's team . Old grievances and heartaches , committed decades ago , still haunt him today . The murders of his mate and brother can be placed on a single culprit - Lucia Alverez . Ryiah isn 't happy . It 's do as her sister says or suffer the consequences . She can handle the beatings , but being locked up in a cell again with no sunshine or earth is more than she can bear . Ryiah is fae and needs these things to survive . So when her sister says to bring her her mate , Richard James , the second lord of the Highlands castle of Ireland , that 's what Ryiah sets out to do . Vampires and fae are mortal enemies . The blood of the fae is like an intoxicating drug to a vampire , turning the vampire feral . Rick knows immediately that the beautiful woman is fae , but that 's not the problem , there are other fae at Rembrandt 's compound and Rick has no problems being around them . But this one … there is something different about her … . The motor home coughed a couple of times but continued down the road . Looking in the rear - view mirror , she wondered what she 'd been thinking picking something so fucking big to use to get away . The thing was top of the line , sure , but for just her , it was too much . Simply too much of everything . Pulling into the gas station , she had to smile . She was filling this sucker up every ten minutes , it felt like . " I 'm certainly doing my part in stimulating the economy by using this . " The lines were short , so she pulled into the bay closest to the road . Stretching her neck before getting out , she felt a stab of pain in her heart and sat very still to see where it went next . When she felt nothing more , she stood up and made her way to the pumps . Beth knew that should her heart shut down while she was driving , she might hurt someone else when she crashed . It was why she was very careful and took precautions that were well beyond what older people did when they were told they had a bad ticker . And she had about as bad of one as there was . She 'd been dealt a bad hand , as her grandma used to say . Beth Snow was going to die because of her heart . Not because it was broken , which in a way it was , but because it was enlarged … too big to function properly . It would happen much sooner than anyone could have guessed , especially her and her family , but it was going to happen and she wanted it to happen on her terms . It was the reason for this trip . The lie behind going to see some sites before she settled down . Beth wanted to be as far from her parents as she could when the time came . She knew her mom would be … her mom and her dad would be devastated . She knew he still would be , but she didn 't want him there when it was done . That wasn 't right either . She wanted them both there , but was trying to spare them the pain of it . It 's not that they were mean to her . No , never that . But they did have a way about them that would bring out the worst in each other . Her mother was controlling , manipulative , as well as whiney , ansoon as she 'd turned eighteen , she 'd gotten out in the world on her own and had made herself as independent as she could . She had made a good living at it as well by following in her dad 's footsteps and becoming an engineer like he 'd been . But leaving them like she had , that was the smartest thing she 'd ever done , she thought . For a lot of reasons . The last face to face conversation with her mom had sealed that deal . " I don 't understand how you think this is going to make you get any better . Just let us go with you and keep you on the right track to getting well . It 's not like we have anything to do . Your father hasn 't worked in several years . " Beth could have pointed out that he 'd retired from his job but still had a very good income . And when they wanted something , he 'd go find something fun to do to pay for it and not touch their savings . She looked at her dad and could see while he was hurt too , he sort of understood because this was , after all , her mom . " Tell her , Lyle . Tell her that she needs to let us go with her so she can get better . We can 't make sure that she 's doing what it takes for her to get well if we 're not there . " " Ruth , I think that she 's right . " Her mom turned her back to him , and Beth knew that later her mom would tell her dad how he was wrong to have said those things and that he should have agreed with her . " This will be good for her . Kinda wish I 'd taken a trip like this when I was younger . See a little of this big world before things get all hinky . But she needs this and I think she 's doing what she needs to . Not just for her , either . " Hinky . What a wonderful word to say his little girl was going to die . " I 'll send you post cards and when I can , I 'll call you once a week . I really do need this . " " Well , I hope you know that you 're both wrong in this . I can 't make sure that you 're eating properly or that you 're taking care of yourself if you won 't allow me this . Bethany , you know as well as I do that you 're going to need The gas pump popping , signaling that it was finished giving her fuel , startled her from her thoughts . Putting the handle back in the little slot , she looked around while the receipt printed . She would have to find a place to rest soon , a campground that would take her big rig , and settle in for a few days . She might even go and see some of the sights while she was here , she thought , and got into the camper with her small paper . Starting the engine , she let her broken heart mend a little as she made her way back into the traffic . The campground was quiet this time of year . She supposed that most vacationers had had their fill of camping by now . Late winter was not really a go to a place in a motor home kind of time . Smiling to herself , she watched as snow started to fall as she fixed herself some soup and then settled down to enjoy it . Beth didn 't bother with the television , and if asked , she did not even know if she could turn it on . It was the quiet that she wanted . The books that she 'd picked up here and there were on the shelves that didn 't have some souvenirs on them . A pretty stone that she 'd gotten in a national park . A pinecone she 'd picked up at a roadside picnic area that she just couldn 't resist . All of these things and the rest were all labeled and dated . When someone came to get her home someday , she knew that her dad would enjoy these bits of her trip . And the pictures on her computer were all in files as well . She 'd been sending him emails with them attached when she had service . Beth was pragmatic about things , she thought . She was going to die , that was a done deal . But she wasn 't going to wallow in self - pity , nor was she going to roll over and let it take her . She was going out doing the things that she wanted . Just the way her dad had taught her to be . Happy to the end . It was nearly nine when she decided to call home . If her mom answered she 'd never get to speak to her dad , and Beth was disappointed when she picked up the phone . After telling her several times that yes , she waback here , that would be wonderful too . You 've been gone for so long . Also , I tried to get your things out of storage but the man in charge said no . He even called the police on me , if you can believe that . You 'll have to tell him that it 's all right for me to get in there . That way , when you get back here , everything will be just how you want it . " " No . I don 't want you bothering my things . I 'm not coming back there , and for sure you are not going to come here . I know how you are , as does Dad . Mom , I 'm not going to let you know where I am , nor am I going to do whatever else you have on that list in your head that no one messes with . I 'm going to do this on my own , in my own way . " Her mother laughed then , that twittering sort of laughter that made her think her mom was humoring her . " Mom , can I speak to Dad ? Please ? " " He 's busy tinkering with the motor home . I told him that he should just let someone who knows what they 're doing mess with things , but he gets something in his head and he won 't stop until I have to make him . " Beth heard some paper moving around . " Now , I have a map and paper right here . Tell me what state you 're in and I can figure out from there how we can - " " Mom , Dad is an engineer . I 'm pretty sure that he could do a better tinkering job than most of the people who actually built that thing could . " Her mom huffed . " I 'd very much like to speak to Dad . I want to find out what you did to him to make him do this for you . " " What a thing to say to your own mother . You make it sound as if I stand over him with a whip and order him about . " Beth said she did . " I don 't know what you 're on right now , but you 'll not talk to me that way , Bethany . I am your mother . And don 't think I 've not noticed that I don 't have that address yet . " " I know that you 're my mom . And he 's my dad . Now put him on the phone or I 'll hang up and you 'll not know what the doctor said to me . " There wasn 't any doctor , and she had no different news than She heard her mom telling him not to be stupid , that she would like to hear the lies he was telling their daughter and to stay right where she could hear him . Mom even told him that if he did go into his office , he 'd better not shut the door . Beth smiled when she heard it shut and the lock turn . " Dad , she 's going to be really pissed at you when you get back out there . " He only laughed and asked her what was going on . " Nothing . I just heard that Mom made you buy a camper . I 'm so sorry . " " Don 't be . If things keep going like this , I might just start living out there in it . It 's a nice sucker . Have you worked out how the extensions come out yet ? I swear to you , things get more and more complicated than they need to be . " She 'd forgotten to extend the sides again . Not that it mattered … she had more than enough room . " I got the propane tanks filled today . Then I got me a few groceries to stash in it . I didn 't tell your mother , but I got them . I got the fridge all hooked up and cold . I even installed some solar panels on the top of it so that the batteries can be charged when we 're not using them . I 'm betting you haven 't even turned on the telly , nor have you used that impressive stove that it has either , have you , darling ? " " No . To all of it . But I did notice that I have one , if that makes a difference . And the microwave has been wonderful for my many flavors of soup , too . But if I were you , Dad , I 'd do that . You should just get up one morning while she 's in bed and take a trip . Maybe not return . " He told her that he 'd think on that . " I miss you , Daddy . " " And I you too . Are you feeling all right ? Taking care , aren 't you ? " She told him she was , just tired a lot more . " Yes , that 's what they told us would happen . You just take it easy . Oh , before I forget , I got me a cell phone today . I 'll give you the number and you can call me . I put it on vibrate so she doesn 't know about it , but I wanted to be able to talk to you when you wanted . " After she wrote down t " Yes , my lord . And thank you ever so much for the greenhouse . It has cooled tempers a great deal to have something to keep busy with . " He told him that it had been Ryiah 's idea and Whey nodded . " I have a request , my lord . We should like to plan a party when the spring comes . We have not had one for a very long time , and I think it would be a good thing . " " Spring is several months away . You think you need that much time for me to approve it now ? " He told him that he did . That flowers had to be ready for such an event . " I see . Well , yes , a party would be great . I was wondering about the tree . Have you found us some decorations for the big one that 's going up ? " " We have . Oh , so many that will grace the tree . Some of the fireflies , they 've said that they 'd be our lights on it , and that will be a wonderful sight as well . " Remy tensed up when he saw Skylar hit the ground . " She is well , my lord . The earth , it takes good care of her should she fall again . See , even now it helps her to rise up . She will never be harmed in this play . " " I think she falls just to get me to run to her aid . What do you think ? " Of course Whey disagreed with him , saying that Skylar wasn 't that mean . But when she turned and winked at them both , Remy laughed . " I think we 've been had , Whey . My lovely mate is playing with our emotions . " " Women do that well , I think . My own bride , she is making me silly with her ways . Did I mention that the queen has picked us to work with the newborns when it is time for them to be born ? " Remy nodded . He 'd been told that at least twenty times an hour for the last several days . " She finally put up the list . Margo and I will be working with the roses . Such an honor , roses . " Remy had learned a great deal about flowers and faeries . First of all , not every bloom was filled with one of the tiny babes . The flower had to be kissed by a faerie that the queen had chosen . And while many worked for her , only a select few could give the flowers the babes that would eventuallyRemy decided that he 'd make sure to thank the queen for such a service to the humans , both young and old . As they made their way to the couple that were still at play , Remy decided that he 'd very much like to have a few of the little people come and live with he and Skylar . When they were finished with the war , he wanted to settle down and have a houseful of them around . Mostly to talk to - they were extremely intelligent - but also because they made him feel good . Not just physically , but also mentally . " I 've something to show you when you have a moment . " Remy told Nate that now was a good time . " It 's my tat . The one that I was telling you about . We 're to have company . And I 'm not sure what to do about it . " " What do you mean ? Benton ? He 's coming ? " Nate shook his head and pulled his shirt over his head and turned . The tat was moving , and Remy was nearly sick with it . When it settled , he didn 't see much until Skylar pointed out that there were twelve now , not eleven on his back . " Your mate is coming ? Is that what you 're telling me ? Good job , Nate . You 'll be happy as - " " No , a woman is coming . Just because every other female that has come here has turned out to be someone 's mate , doesn 't mean that she 's for me . I don 't know what I 'd do with a mate . " When he started to ask him again what he meant , Skylar put her hand on his arm . She told him to wait . " I 've things to do , so I thank you , Skylar , for the lesson . " When he was gone , Remy looked at Skylar for an explanation . " He is so large , have you noticed that ? And with his size comes certain things that frighten him . " It took him a moment to understand . His size would frighten most men , he thought . Then he thought of all the things that might make a mate be fearful of you . " He thinks to harm her during sex . " Even though it wasn 't a question , she told him that was it . " I don 't see him hurting her . Whatever has happened to him , he won 't harm her . He must know that it 's not possible should he evencan 't think of a single reason for us to be apart . I need you as much as I do air in my lungs . " Remy thought him the luckiest man in the world . And when she kissed him , he felt his heart fill once again with her love and nearly wept with his need for her . Before he took her to the bed , he pulled her back from him just far enough to get her attention . He needed her to understand something that he 'd been thinking about for days now . " I should like to have many children with you . Not to replace the ones that I lost , but to have our love bonded in a way that I never had with my first mate . She was everything to me , don 't get me wrong , but you are so much more . Watching you grow fat with a child of ours ? You cannot know what that thought does for me . " He kissed her again and watched her face . " Remy , I swear to you that sometimes the words that come from your mouth are enough to melt even the coldest of hearts . " He grinned at her . " Yes , having children with you , watching you play with them and hold them , is all I think about when I 'm alone . When I see you with the other children in the compound , I want to have you fill me with one of our own . To have a son or daughter would fulfill me in ways that I never thought possible , so long as you are there beside me to help me nurture and love them . " " And I shall be , my love . For the rest of all our lives . " He lifted her chin up to see her beautiful face . " We have avoided the conversation that has been haunting us for days now . Would you like to discuss it now ? " " No . Not yet . I know what I want to do in my head , but not in my heart just yet . " He understood that . It was the same for him . " After . I want to talk about it after . " " All right . " Taking her to their bed , he stripped her down to her bare skin . Each part of her , every inch of her skin , was marked by some unknown magic . Kissing her now , he knew that someday they 'd know what they were here for , why something had chosen them for this task . But for now , at this moment , he wanted toPosted by Graham had just finished the construction of his house and was looking for any excuse he could find to stay away from people - that included his large family . But everyone had to eat so a trip to the grocery store was necessary . He didn 't , however , have a mate on his shopping list , but there she stood - injured and panicking . Graham was about as happy as he could be , until three cops came to his property to arrest him and charged him with murder - now the whole family was in an uproar . Graham 's world was crashing around him , he wanted to marry Ramsey , but not like this … . Can they ban together to prove his innocence before it 's too late ? Find out in the final chapter of the Emerson Wolves - Graham . Do you know what you are to me ? She shook her head as he whispered to her . His mouth was doing incredible things to her and she wanted more . Mate ? Youre my mate . Do you know what that means ? Her body seemed to come alive at his words . She struggled to pull from him and he let her go , but he didn 't back off . She moved back from him as far as the wall and tried to get her mind to function again . She was not going to be his mate , not any man 's . You have to go . I won 't bother you anymore if you do the same for me . He moved to within a foot of her and she put up her hands . I don 't want you here . Please , you can 't want me as a mate . I don ' tI 'm not even sure that this isn 't some ploy to get what you want . Or money . Is that it ? ' She looked up at him as he started cursing . t have a clue that he was the new Alpha until he arrived . It didn 't sit well with him at all that a woman on pack land held herself in recluse and wouldn 't answer and pledge herself to the new Alpha . What she could be doing there on that big estate with no one around to witness , His mind reeled with the possibilities ? none of them good . Slone Morris had an understanding with the local pack ? leave her alone and she 'd let the pack stay on her land free of charge . It was as simple as that . She didn 't deal well with people . But the new Alpha in town wouldn 't take Fuck off for an answer . Slone 's past threatened to rear its ugly head at every turn . There was one ? someone she thought she trusted ? who didn 't want the past dredged back up . He was determined to stop her at all cost ? Luke Emerson has big shoes to fill . He doesn 't know how to be a Mayor of their small town , but with the help of his assistant , Allen , he is damn sure going to give it a good try . From what little he 's seen of the town government it 's corrupt and he 's bound and determined to do something about it . When they receive a call that Allen 's sister Jack has been critically injured in a fire , Allen falls apart . His sister is all he has left . Luke goes with him to the hospital and as soon as Luke catches her scent , he knows she 's his mate , but the doctor is giving her less than a three percent chance to survive . Can you save her ? Luke looked over at Allen , who was staring at his sister . I know what you are . I mean , I think I know what you are . You can 't live in our town and not hear things . Are you ? Am I what ? Allen looked at him , and Luke felt as if he were staring at his very soul . Neither of them blinked , and when Allen finally looked away , Luke felt as if he 'd been released from a tight hug . You want to know an answer to something , then ask me . I 'm not going to assume anything right now . Luke has two choices : convert her to a wolf , or watch her die . He doesn 't even know her , but he can 't lose his mate he 's just found her . But to convert her without her permission , there could be consequences . Addison Parker is on the run . No matter how fast she runs , or how far she travels she can 't hide from herself , or the gift she 's been cursed with . She can read people 's minds and with a touch can see into their future . That is a secret that she has learned to keep well ? everyone always wanted something from her when they learned what she could do . It 's easier to avoid people all together . Jarrett Emerson is just helping his dad and brother protect an innocent from a perverted wretch . But when a falling brick knocks Addie unconscious , she falls right into Jarrett 's arms . To his surprise he realizes that she is his mate and human … Addie felt stupid standing there like she was and moved to the sink . Jarrett watched her before he reached for a second glass . Addie had no idea why , but she thought he was nervous . " I 'm not going to pounce on you . " As soon as the words left her mouth , she knew that she 'd made a major mistake . He turned so quickly that she backed up and hit her ass on the counter behind her . He didn 't stop there but took the two more steps to have her leaning back to look up at him . " I 'd like nothing more than to have you pounce on me . " His voice was a soft growl that had her thinking all sorts of things that had nothing to do with food . " You 're very beautiful . " " No , I 'm not . " He nodded and halved the distance between them . " You 're too close . I can 't think when you 're this close . " Jarrett doesn 't want her to leave . If she goes , he goes with her . That 's the way it is with mates . But when a corrupt attorney has other ideas , the Emersons have to regroup to protect what they now consider their own … . Ellis Emerson is in a rut . He can 't seem to do anything right . He thinks he 's found his mate , but can 't get close enough to her to be sure . . . And that 's a huge distraction that 's turned their construction job from a week ahead of schedule with a huge bonus , to barely three days ahead . And when Addie asks him to assemble a small crew to fix one of her houses , his foreman , Dan , is all for Ellis getting away for a while . Ellis finds his skittish mate hiding away in Addie 's home , but will she let her guard down long enough for him to convince her that their destiny is each other ? Or will her Uncle Basil step in and finally take her prisoner again ? Find out in the next installment of Emerson Wolves ? Ellis . No matter how hard she tried , Kimber Gray always seemed to manage to get knocked back down a peg or two . She was a top rate chef and graduated at the top of her class , but no matter how hard she tried no one would acknowledge it . Now , blackballed in the only profession she knew , she was a failure to the one that mattered most - - her daughter , Hannah . With no recourse left to her , she 'd have to grovel and beg her aunt for help . Lee Emerson was glad to be back home for a while . He loved what he did , being a food critic and helping failing restaurants was a dream job come true . But he was tired of the traveling and just wanted to take care of things around the house and relax for a change . Slone , Hunter 's mate , wanted to open a fancy restaurant and have Lee run it . He wasn 't so sure about that , but he 'd love nothing better than to hire that chef that had prepared the last meal he 'd had in France before he left . It was the best meal he 'd ever eaten , and he had been disappointed when he found out the man had left before he could tell him so . The slush claiming to cook the meal , wasn 't the cook and he 'd bet his last dollar on it . Kimber had had it . Her aunt had gone too far this time , and there was no way she 'd expose her little girl to such meanness again . They 'd live on the street first , and she was trying to tell Slone that she wasn 't a charity case . That she could provide for her daughter somehow , when the most gorgeous man she 'd ever seen cornered her , snarling that he 'd protect her with his life . Hello ! My name is Kathi Barton and I 'm a award winning , best selling author of dark fantasy erotic paranormal romance . I have been married to my very best friend Paul , a potter , for at times seems several lifetimes - in a good way , honey . And together we have three wonderful children and then the ones we brought into the world - Paul and Dale Barton , Jason and Wendy Barton and Danielle and Ben Conklin . They have given us eight of the greatest treasures on Earth . They don 't live at home seven days a week ! No , seriously , eight grandchildren - Gavin , Spring , Ben , Trinity , Sarah , Kelly , Kian and Bailee Prologue " I tell you , Ram , that daughter of yours is a hoot . I just asked her what she thought of all this , and she said that the money from what was going to be tossed out when this was over could have fed an entire village for a week . " Ram Stockholm looked around the room for his daughter . " When did you speak to her ? I thought her and Chad had left for their honeymoon already . " There was no way his daughter would say that about her own wedding . At least he hoped not . But she was a little stressed out right now . Christ , they 'd spent a fortune on this thing , and to have her upset wasn 't going to happen . Not that his baby girl didn 't deserve it , but to say something like this to William Frank was terrible . " No , no . I meant Ramsey . To tell you the truth , Ram , I had no idea you had another child , much less one as beautiful as she is . But she 's the spitting image of you now that I think on it . " Ram wondered about Ramsey , his youngest child , as William continued . " Like I said , a beautiful little thing , but a mite outspoken . I 'd wondered why you didn 't have her up there with her sister , but I 'm assuming that the two of them don 't get along . " " They don 't . Where did you see her go ? I 'd like to speak to her . " William laughed and pointed to the large open doors at the back of the large room . " Excuse me . " If William answered him , he didn 't hear him . Ramsey wasn 't going to ruin her sisters ' day by complaining about something that was none of her business . But as soon as he stepped out on the deck to talk to her , he stilled . When the hell had she grown up ? The dark blue dress she had on made the paleness of her porcelain skin almost glow . With her hair done up in one of those complicated twists , it gave her neck a gracefulness that would make most men he knew drool . She was tall too , Ram just realized , and rail thin . He cleared his throat before going out all the way . When Ramsey turned his way , Ram thought that he 'd made a mistake … this could not be his child . " Hello , DaKathi Barton - Author Royce The Hunter Series Chapter 11 is ready to read Chapter 11 Daniel put down the phone and leaned back in his chair . Royce was going to be a father . Daniel had not seen that one coming . . .
|
Nathaniel Blood BrotherHood Series ( Final Book ) Release Day 12 / 26 / 16 Beth Snow had been given a death sentence . The doctors had only given her six months to live . She didn 't want her parents to have to watch her die , so she packed up everything she had in the new motorhome and hit the road . Nate knew she was coming . He 'd been dreaming of her for months now , and all the dreams where they were battling Benton had turned out the same - with Beth 's death . How could he take a mate to just watch her die ? The battle to save the earth was reaching its peak for Rembrandt 's Blood Brotherhood . Everyone 's dreams had become prophetic , and either Benton would die , or they all would . Would they find the missing piece to their strategy to defeat the monster once and for all ? Live or die , they were all in it until the bitter end . What happens next ? Find out in the final installment of the Blood Brotherhood - Nathaniel . It was time for him to die . Rembrandt was ready . He had put up a good fight and nearly died twice that day , but now he was done and he was ready to die on the battlefield with the rest of his brethren . Death would be merciful , he would finally be with his wife and children . A being clad in black had other ideas . Rembrandt was meant to help him fight his cause and to help right a wrong that his kind had brought to this world . He gifted the reluctant Rembrandt with a taste for blood and immortality … and more … so much more . Rembrandt had had enough . He was over this life 1800 years ago and now he was just sick of it . The creatures he fought , the malefactors , kept growing in numbers and he couldn 't kill them fast enough to keep up . He had fought the battle alone all these years and he wasn 't sure he even wanted to anymore . Skylar Manning was just trying to be nice . The mysterious man dressed in black was hanging around after closing … again . It was the third time this week . Only this time he grabbed her arm . Her world changed forever . Suddenly she found herself hunted by shadowy figures with razor sharp teeth , and into the arms of a warrior who craved her as much as she did him … Vicki Carver had seen all the carnage from what appeared to be some kind of battle and just stopped long enough to see if the big man was alive or dead like the rest of them . That large broadsword in his hand had her keep her distance . Pitching a pebble or two at his face should arouse him if he was indeed still alive . Davis Brown was thoroughly exhausted , but he couldn 't ignore the small stones pelting his face . If it was more malefactors to fight he 'd just have to let them do him in . He was too tired to fight again so soon . To his surprise it was a woman ― not just any woman ― but a feisty vixen who was not only beautiful but could see the malefactors . That meant that she was either magical or one of them ― a warrior ― his mate … . Vicki had her own demons to battle and to be thrown into a mystical battle with Rembrandt 's warriors to save their world from being overrun by malefactors wasn 't anything she had planned for , much less this mate business . Who did he think he was anyway ? But she couldn 't seem to resist the hot , sexy man that brought her to the compound … . Leonard Earl wants no part of Rembrandt 's rag tag team of saviors . Before the cancer he 'd been happy teaching children . But when the mysterious man in black shows up in his hospital room and heals him , he has no choice but to join the group . No one says he has to like it . Jamey has been on her own awhile . It doesn 't take her long to figure out she is different , and that the malefactors can 't change her into one of them . Since the malefactors have taken over her town , she spends her days picking them off with her bow and arrows , or delivering food and water to the remaining survivors . Jamey 's body is also a " host " to a dragon that has been with her for as long as she can remember . He protects her and keeps her safe … . The dragon is leading Jamey to the man he is destined to transfer to . He tells her together they will balance . Jamey is willing to take the dragon wherever he needs to go , but the man she wants no part of … . She will miss her friend . Leo is none too happy to find out that Jamey is bringing the dragon to him and the discovery that she is his mate . He 's already had a woman break his heart and wants no part of this mate business . He takes the dragon to save her life , but that 's where it ends … or does it ? The malefactors are increasing in number and they need to stand together to defeat them . Jamey sees her chance and takes it to defeat their enemy . Will Leo make the ultimate sacrifice to save her ? Find out in the next installment of Blood Brotherhood ― Leonard . Christopher hadn 't been with Rembrandt 's group long . With their combined efforts there were fewer and fewer monsters to fight . His mate had died a long time ago , so he volunteered to go with Skylar to look for some " newbies " . When they arrived at the warehouse the new ones were acting very strange . Kate had been scouting out the building when a large crate just suddenly appeared out of nowhere . Curiosity had her standing in the shadows when she saw two warriors come up the stairs and approach the crate . When they became aware of her presence , the man shifted into the largest cat she 'd ever seen and pinned her to the floor with his large paws . Richard James is a very old vampire and was already an immortal when he joined Rembrandt 's team . Old grievances and heartaches , committed decades ago , still haunt him today . The murders of his mate and brother can be placed on a single culprit - Lucia Alverez . Ryiah isn 't happy . It 's do as her sister says or suffer the consequences . She can handle the beatings , but being locked up in a cell again with no sunshine or earth is more than she can bear . Ryiah is fae and needs these things to survive . So when her sister says to bring her her mate , Richard James , the second lord of the Highlands castle of Ireland , that 's what Ryiah sets out to do . Vampires and fae are mortal enemies . The blood of the fae is like an intoxicating drug to a vampire , turning the vampire feral . Rick knows immediately that the beautiful woman is fae , but that 's not the problem , there are other fae at Rembrandt 's compound and Rick has no problems being around them . But this one … there is something different about her … . The motor home coughed a couple of times but continued down the road . Looking in the rear - view mirror , she wondered what she 'd been thinking picking something so fucking big to use to get away . The thing was top of the line , sure , but for just her , it was too much . Simply too much of everything . Pulling into the gas station , she had to smile . She was filling this sucker up every ten minutes , it felt like . " I 'm certainly doing my part in stimulating the economy by using this . " The lines were short , so she pulled into the bay closest to the road . Stretching her neck before getting out , she felt a stab of pain in her heart and sat very still to see where it went next . When she felt nothing more , she stood up and made her way to the pumps . Beth knew that should her heart shut down while she was driving , she might hurt someone else when she crashed . It was why she was very careful and took precautions that were well beyond what older people did when they were told they had a bad ticker . And she had about as bad of one as there was . She 'd been dealt a bad hand , as her grandma used to say . Beth Snow was going to die because of her heart . Not because it was broken , which in a way it was , but because it was enlarged … too big to function properly . It would happen much sooner than anyone could have guessed , especially her and her family , but it was going to happen and she wanted it to happen on her terms . It was the reason for this trip . The lie behind going to see some sites before she settled down . Beth wanted to be as far from her parents as she could when the time came . She knew her mom would be … her mom and her dad would be devastated . She knew he still would be , but she didn 't want him there when it was done . That wasn 't right either . She wanted them both there , but was trying to spare them the pain of it . It 's not that they were mean to her . No , never that . But they did have a way about them that would bring out the worst in each other . Her mother was controlling , manipulative , as well as whiney , ansoon as she 'd turned eighteen , she 'd gotten out in the world on her own and had made herself as independent as she could . She had made a good living at it as well by following in her dad 's footsteps and becoming an engineer like he 'd been . But leaving them like she had , that was the smartest thing she 'd ever done , she thought . For a lot of reasons . The last face to face conversation with her mom had sealed that deal . " I don 't understand how you think this is going to make you get any better . Just let us go with you and keep you on the right track to getting well . It 's not like we have anything to do . Your father hasn 't worked in several years . " Beth could have pointed out that he 'd retired from his job but still had a very good income . And when they wanted something , he 'd go find something fun to do to pay for it and not touch their savings . She looked at her dad and could see while he was hurt too , he sort of understood because this was , after all , her mom . " Tell her , Lyle . Tell her that she needs to let us go with her so she can get better . We can 't make sure that she 's doing what it takes for her to get well if we 're not there . " " Ruth , I think that she 's right . " Her mom turned her back to him , and Beth knew that later her mom would tell her dad how he was wrong to have said those things and that he should have agreed with her . " This will be good for her . Kinda wish I 'd taken a trip like this when I was younger . See a little of this big world before things get all hinky . But she needs this and I think she 's doing what she needs to . Not just for her , either . " Hinky . What a wonderful word to say his little girl was going to die . " I 'll send you post cards and when I can , I 'll call you once a week . I really do need this . " " Well , I hope you know that you 're both wrong in this . I can 't make sure that you 're eating properly or that you 're taking care of yourself if you won 't allow me this . Bethany , you know as well as I do that you 're going to need The gas pump popping , signaling that it was finished giving her fuel , startled her from her thoughts . Putting the handle back in the little slot , she looked around while the receipt printed . She would have to find a place to rest soon , a campground that would take her big rig , and settle in for a few days . She might even go and see some of the sights while she was here , she thought , and got into the camper with her small paper . Starting the engine , she let her broken heart mend a little as she made her way back into the traffic . The campground was quiet this time of year . She supposed that most vacationers had had their fill of camping by now . Late winter was not really a go to a place in a motor home kind of time . Smiling to herself , she watched as snow started to fall as she fixed herself some soup and then settled down to enjoy it . Beth didn 't bother with the television , and if asked , she did not even know if she could turn it on . It was the quiet that she wanted . The books that she 'd picked up here and there were on the shelves that didn 't have some souvenirs on them . A pretty stone that she 'd gotten in a national park . A pinecone she 'd picked up at a roadside picnic area that she just couldn 't resist . All of these things and the rest were all labeled and dated . When someone came to get her home someday , she knew that her dad would enjoy these bits of her trip . And the pictures on her computer were all in files as well . She 'd been sending him emails with them attached when she had service . Beth was pragmatic about things , she thought . She was going to die , that was a done deal . But she wasn 't going to wallow in self - pity , nor was she going to roll over and let it take her . She was going out doing the things that she wanted . Just the way her dad had taught her to be . Happy to the end . It was nearly nine when she decided to call home . If her mom answered she 'd never get to speak to her dad , and Beth was disappointed when she picked up the phone . After telling her several times that yes , she waback here , that would be wonderful too . You 've been gone for so long . Also , I tried to get your things out of storage but the man in charge said no . He even called the police on me , if you can believe that . You 'll have to tell him that it 's all right for me to get in there . That way , when you get back here , everything will be just how you want it . " " No . I don 't want you bothering my things . I 'm not coming back there , and for sure you are not going to come here . I know how you are , as does Dad . Mom , I 'm not going to let you know where I am , nor am I going to do whatever else you have on that list in your head that no one messes with . I 'm going to do this on my own , in my own way . " Her mother laughed then , that twittering sort of laughter that made her think her mom was humoring her . " Mom , can I speak to Dad ? Please ? " " He 's busy tinkering with the motor home . I told him that he should just let someone who knows what they 're doing mess with things , but he gets something in his head and he won 't stop until I have to make him . " Beth heard some paper moving around . " Now , I have a map and paper right here . Tell me what state you 're in and I can figure out from there how we can - " " Mom , Dad is an engineer . I 'm pretty sure that he could do a better tinkering job than most of the people who actually built that thing could . " Her mom huffed . " I 'd very much like to speak to Dad . I want to find out what you did to him to make him do this for you . " " What a thing to say to your own mother . You make it sound as if I stand over him with a whip and order him about . " Beth said she did . " I don 't know what you 're on right now , but you 'll not talk to me that way , Bethany . I am your mother . And don 't think I 've not noticed that I don 't have that address yet . " " I know that you 're my mom . And he 's my dad . Now put him on the phone or I 'll hang up and you 'll not know what the doctor said to me . " There wasn 't any doctor , and she had no different news than She heard her mom telling him not to be stupid , that she would like to hear the lies he was telling their daughter and to stay right where she could hear him . Mom even told him that if he did go into his office , he 'd better not shut the door . Beth smiled when she heard it shut and the lock turn . " Dad , she 's going to be really pissed at you when you get back out there . " He only laughed and asked her what was going on . " Nothing . I just heard that Mom made you buy a camper . I 'm so sorry . " " Don 't be . If things keep going like this , I might just start living out there in it . It 's a nice sucker . Have you worked out how the extensions come out yet ? I swear to you , things get more and more complicated than they need to be . " She 'd forgotten to extend the sides again . Not that it mattered … she had more than enough room . " I got the propane tanks filled today . Then I got me a few groceries to stash in it . I didn 't tell your mother , but I got them . I got the fridge all hooked up and cold . I even installed some solar panels on the top of it so that the batteries can be charged when we 're not using them . I 'm betting you haven 't even turned on the telly , nor have you used that impressive stove that it has either , have you , darling ? " " No . To all of it . But I did notice that I have one , if that makes a difference . And the microwave has been wonderful for my many flavors of soup , too . But if I were you , Dad , I 'd do that . You should just get up one morning while she 's in bed and take a trip . Maybe not return . " He told her that he 'd think on that . " I miss you , Daddy . " " And I you too . Are you feeling all right ? Taking care , aren 't you ? " She told him she was , just tired a lot more . " Yes , that 's what they told us would happen . You just take it easy . Oh , before I forget , I got me a cell phone today . I 'll give you the number and you can call me . I put it on vibrate so she doesn 't know about it , but I wanted to be able to talk to you when you wanted . " After she wrote down t " Yes , my lord . And thank you ever so much for the greenhouse . It has cooled tempers a great deal to have something to keep busy with . " He told him that it had been Ryiah 's idea and Whey nodded . " I have a request , my lord . We should like to plan a party when the spring comes . We have not had one for a very long time , and I think it would be a good thing . " " Spring is several months away . You think you need that much time for me to approve it now ? " He told him that he did . That flowers had to be ready for such an event . " I see . Well , yes , a party would be great . I was wondering about the tree . Have you found us some decorations for the big one that 's going up ? " " We have . Oh , so many that will grace the tree . Some of the fireflies , they 've said that they 'd be our lights on it , and that will be a wonderful sight as well . " Remy tensed up when he saw Skylar hit the ground . " She is well , my lord . The earth , it takes good care of her should she fall again . See , even now it helps her to rise up . She will never be harmed in this play . " " I think she falls just to get me to run to her aid . What do you think ? " Of course Whey disagreed with him , saying that Skylar wasn 't that mean . But when she turned and winked at them both , Remy laughed . " I think we 've been had , Whey . My lovely mate is playing with our emotions . " " Women do that well , I think . My own bride , she is making me silly with her ways . Did I mention that the queen has picked us to work with the newborns when it is time for them to be born ? " Remy nodded . He 'd been told that at least twenty times an hour for the last several days . " She finally put up the list . Margo and I will be working with the roses . Such an honor , roses . " Remy had learned a great deal about flowers and faeries . First of all , not every bloom was filled with one of the tiny babes . The flower had to be kissed by a faerie that the queen had chosen . And while many worked for her , only a select few could give the flowers the babes that would eventuallyRemy decided that he 'd make sure to thank the queen for such a service to the humans , both young and old . As they made their way to the couple that were still at play , Remy decided that he 'd very much like to have a few of the little people come and live with he and Skylar . When they were finished with the war , he wanted to settle down and have a houseful of them around . Mostly to talk to - they were extremely intelligent - but also because they made him feel good . Not just physically , but also mentally . " I 've something to show you when you have a moment . " Remy told Nate that now was a good time . " It 's my tat . The one that I was telling you about . We 're to have company . And I 'm not sure what to do about it . " " What do you mean ? Benton ? He 's coming ? " Nate shook his head and pulled his shirt over his head and turned . The tat was moving , and Remy was nearly sick with it . When it settled , he didn 't see much until Skylar pointed out that there were twelve now , not eleven on his back . " Your mate is coming ? Is that what you 're telling me ? Good job , Nate . You 'll be happy as - " " No , a woman is coming . Just because every other female that has come here has turned out to be someone 's mate , doesn 't mean that she 's for me . I don 't know what I 'd do with a mate . " When he started to ask him again what he meant , Skylar put her hand on his arm . She told him to wait . " I 've things to do , so I thank you , Skylar , for the lesson . " When he was gone , Remy looked at Skylar for an explanation . " He is so large , have you noticed that ? And with his size comes certain things that frighten him . " It took him a moment to understand . His size would frighten most men , he thought . Then he thought of all the things that might make a mate be fearful of you . " He thinks to harm her during sex . " Even though it wasn 't a question , she told him that was it . " I don 't see him hurting her . Whatever has happened to him , he won 't harm her . He must know that it 's not possible should he evencan 't think of a single reason for us to be apart . I need you as much as I do air in my lungs . " Remy thought him the luckiest man in the world . And when she kissed him , he felt his heart fill once again with her love and nearly wept with his need for her . Before he took her to the bed , he pulled her back from him just far enough to get her attention . He needed her to understand something that he 'd been thinking about for days now . " I should like to have many children with you . Not to replace the ones that I lost , but to have our love bonded in a way that I never had with my first mate . She was everything to me , don 't get me wrong , but you are so much more . Watching you grow fat with a child of ours ? You cannot know what that thought does for me . " He kissed her again and watched her face . " Remy , I swear to you that sometimes the words that come from your mouth are enough to melt even the coldest of hearts . " He grinned at her . " Yes , having children with you , watching you play with them and hold them , is all I think about when I 'm alone . When I see you with the other children in the compound , I want to have you fill me with one of our own . To have a son or daughter would fulfill me in ways that I never thought possible , so long as you are there beside me to help me nurture and love them . " " And I shall be , my love . For the rest of all our lives . " He lifted her chin up to see her beautiful face . " We have avoided the conversation that has been haunting us for days now . Would you like to discuss it now ? " " No . Not yet . I know what I want to do in my head , but not in my heart just yet . " He understood that . It was the same for him . " After . I want to talk about it after . " " All right . " Taking her to their bed , he stripped her down to her bare skin . Each part of her , every inch of her skin , was marked by some unknown magic . Kissing her now , he knew that someday they 'd know what they were here for , why something had chosen them for this task . But for now , at this moment , he wanted toPosted by Graham had just finished the construction of his house and was looking for any excuse he could find to stay away from people - that included his large family . But everyone had to eat so a trip to the grocery store was necessary . He didn 't , however , have a mate on his shopping list , but there she stood - injured and panicking . Graham was about as happy as he could be , until three cops came to his property to arrest him and charged him with murder - now the whole family was in an uproar . Graham 's world was crashing around him , he wanted to marry Ramsey , but not like this … . Can they ban together to prove his innocence before it 's too late ? Find out in the final chapter of the Emerson Wolves - Graham . Do you know what you are to me ? She shook her head as he whispered to her . His mouth was doing incredible things to her and she wanted more . Mate ? Youre my mate . Do you know what that means ? Her body seemed to come alive at his words . She struggled to pull from him and he let her go , but he didn 't back off . She moved back from him as far as the wall and tried to get her mind to function again . She was not going to be his mate , not any man 's . You have to go . I won 't bother you anymore if you do the same for me . He moved to within a foot of her and she put up her hands . I don 't want you here . Please , you can 't want me as a mate . I don ' tI 'm not even sure that this isn 't some ploy to get what you want . Or money . Is that it ? ' She looked up at him as he started cursing . t have a clue that he was the new Alpha until he arrived . It didn 't sit well with him at all that a woman on pack land held herself in recluse and wouldn 't answer and pledge herself to the new Alpha . What she could be doing there on that big estate with no one around to witness , His mind reeled with the possibilities ? none of them good . Slone Morris had an understanding with the local pack ? leave her alone and she 'd let the pack stay on her land free of charge . It was as simple as that . She didn 't deal well with people . But the new Alpha in town wouldn 't take Fuck off for an answer . Slone 's past threatened to rear its ugly head at every turn . There was one ? someone she thought she trusted ? who didn 't want the past dredged back up . He was determined to stop her at all cost ? Luke Emerson has big shoes to fill . He doesn 't know how to be a Mayor of their small town , but with the help of his assistant , Allen , he is damn sure going to give it a good try . From what little he 's seen of the town government it 's corrupt and he 's bound and determined to do something about it . When they receive a call that Allen 's sister Jack has been critically injured in a fire , Allen falls apart . His sister is all he has left . Luke goes with him to the hospital and as soon as Luke catches her scent , he knows she 's his mate , but the doctor is giving her less than a three percent chance to survive . Can you save her ? Luke looked over at Allen , who was staring at his sister . I know what you are . I mean , I think I know what you are . You can 't live in our town and not hear things . Are you ? Am I what ? Allen looked at him , and Luke felt as if he were staring at his very soul . Neither of them blinked , and when Allen finally looked away , Luke felt as if he 'd been released from a tight hug . You want to know an answer to something , then ask me . I 'm not going to assume anything right now . Luke has two choices : convert her to a wolf , or watch her die . He doesn 't even know her , but he can 't lose his mate he 's just found her . But to convert her without her permission , there could be consequences . Addison Parker is on the run . No matter how fast she runs , or how far she travels she can 't hide from herself , or the gift she 's been cursed with . She can read people 's minds and with a touch can see into their future . That is a secret that she has learned to keep well ? everyone always wanted something from her when they learned what she could do . It 's easier to avoid people all together . Jarrett Emerson is just helping his dad and brother protect an innocent from a perverted wretch . But when a falling brick knocks Addie unconscious , she falls right into Jarrett 's arms . To his surprise he realizes that she is his mate and human … Addie felt stupid standing there like she was and moved to the sink . Jarrett watched her before he reached for a second glass . Addie had no idea why , but she thought he was nervous . " I 'm not going to pounce on you . " As soon as the words left her mouth , she knew that she 'd made a major mistake . He turned so quickly that she backed up and hit her ass on the counter behind her . He didn 't stop there but took the two more steps to have her leaning back to look up at him . " I 'd like nothing more than to have you pounce on me . " His voice was a soft growl that had her thinking all sorts of things that had nothing to do with food . " You 're very beautiful . " " No , I 'm not . " He nodded and halved the distance between them . " You 're too close . I can 't think when you 're this close . " Jarrett doesn 't want her to leave . If she goes , he goes with her . That 's the way it is with mates . But when a corrupt attorney has other ideas , the Emersons have to regroup to protect what they now consider their own … . Ellis Emerson is in a rut . He can 't seem to do anything right . He thinks he 's found his mate , but can 't get close enough to her to be sure . . . And that 's a huge distraction that 's turned their construction job from a week ahead of schedule with a huge bonus , to barely three days ahead . And when Addie asks him to assemble a small crew to fix one of her houses , his foreman , Dan , is all for Ellis getting away for a while . Ellis finds his skittish mate hiding away in Addie 's home , but will she let her guard down long enough for him to convince her that their destiny is each other ? Or will her Uncle Basil step in and finally take her prisoner again ? Find out in the next installment of Emerson Wolves ? Ellis . No matter how hard she tried , Kimber Gray always seemed to manage to get knocked back down a peg or two . She was a top rate chef and graduated at the top of her class , but no matter how hard she tried no one would acknowledge it . Now , blackballed in the only profession she knew , she was a failure to the one that mattered most - - her daughter , Hannah . With no recourse left to her , she 'd have to grovel and beg her aunt for help . Lee Emerson was glad to be back home for a while . He loved what he did , being a food critic and helping failing restaurants was a dream job come true . But he was tired of the traveling and just wanted to take care of things around the house and relax for a change . Slone , Hunter 's mate , wanted to open a fancy restaurant and have Lee run it . He wasn 't so sure about that , but he 'd love nothing better than to hire that chef that had prepared the last meal he 'd had in France before he left . It was the best meal he 'd ever eaten , and he had been disappointed when he found out the man had left before he could tell him so . The slush claiming to cook the meal , wasn 't the cook and he 'd bet his last dollar on it . Kimber had had it . Her aunt had gone too far this time , and there was no way she 'd expose her little girl to such meanness again . They 'd live on the street first , and she was trying to tell Slone that she wasn 't a charity case . That she could provide for her daughter somehow , when the most gorgeous man she 'd ever seen cornered her , snarling that he 'd protect her with his life . Hello ! My name is Kathi Barton and I 'm a award winning , best selling author of dark fantasy erotic paranormal romance . I have been married to my very best friend Paul , a potter , for at times seems several lifetimes - in a good way , honey . And together we have three wonderful children and then the ones we brought into the world - Paul and Dale Barton , Jason and Wendy Barton and Danielle and Ben Conklin . They have given us eight of the greatest treasures on Earth . They don 't live at home seven days a week ! No , seriously , eight grandchildren - Gavin , Spring , Ben , Trinity , Sarah , Kelly , Kian and Bailee Prologue " I tell you , Ram , that daughter of yours is a hoot . I just asked her what she thought of all this , and she said that the money from what was going to be tossed out when this was over could have fed an entire village for a week . " Ram Stockholm looked around the room for his daughter . " When did you speak to her ? I thought her and Chad had left for their honeymoon already . " There was no way his daughter would say that about her own wedding . At least he hoped not . But she was a little stressed out right now . Christ , they 'd spent a fortune on this thing , and to have her upset wasn 't going to happen . Not that his baby girl didn 't deserve it , but to say something like this to William Frank was terrible . " No , no . I meant Ramsey . To tell you the truth , Ram , I had no idea you had another child , much less one as beautiful as she is . But she 's the spitting image of you now that I think on it . " Ram wondered about Ramsey , his youngest child , as William continued . " Like I said , a beautiful little thing , but a mite outspoken . I 'd wondered why you didn 't have her up there with her sister , but I 'm assuming that the two of them don 't get along . " " They don 't . Where did you see her go ? I 'd like to speak to her . " William laughed and pointed to the large open doors at the back of the large room . " Excuse me . " If William answered him , he didn 't hear him . Ramsey wasn 't going to ruin her sisters ' day by complaining about something that was none of her business . But as soon as he stepped out on the deck to talk to her , he stilled . When the hell had she grown up ? The dark blue dress she had on made the paleness of her porcelain skin almost glow . With her hair done up in one of those complicated twists , it gave her neck a gracefulness that would make most men he knew drool . She was tall too , Ram just realized , and rail thin . He cleared his throat before going out all the way . When Ramsey turned his way , Ram thought that he 'd made a mistake … this could not be his child . " Hello , DaKathi Barton - Author Royce The Hunter Series Chapter 11 is ready to read Chapter 11 Daniel put down the phone and leaned back in his chair . Royce was going to be a father . Daniel had not seen that one coming . . .
|
1 . Pack everything the night before . 2 . Load car in the morning . 3 . Say , " everyone ready ? " 4 . Go for gas . 5 . Go home so hubby can get sunglasses . 6 . Be relieved you are back because back door is open . 7 . Go in house for dog toys , and pencil . 8 . Go back to car . 9 . Go back to get bag of beverages . 12 . Go back to car . 13 . Ask , " Does everybody have everything , really ? ? " 14 . DRIVE AWAY . 15 . Go 10 miles . 16 . Give Hubby dirty look when he says , " I forgot the dog crate . " 17 . Decide to buy a new beeping crate on the road since the one youhave is big and heavy and 10 freaking miles away . 16 . Write blog post on phone to tell everyone about it . Dad sent Andrew a graduation card with a check that resulted in my saying , " Holy crap ! " There was a hand - written note in it that said , " Sorry you can 't come to the ranch . I bought a horse just for you . " We agreed he HAD to be joking , right ? Hard to tell given my father 's long history of not being a joker weighed against the possibility that he had BOUGHT HORSES . He just called to give us directions again . The directions ended , " You will know you are there because you will see the sign and the horses . " Holy crap . Maybe he rented them . I said that to Roland who replied , " Well , that would be the sensible thing to do . " Which probably means that he didn 't . I told Andrew that if he wanted to ask a friend to stay here in his place he could still come . I guess I have only one other update . The whistle training for the Shih Tzu is a great success . We have been taking them to the school field . The Shih Tzu can be at the other end of the field and when we blow on the whistle he will turn on a dime and come running back . And this is a Shih Tzu : stubborn , difficult to train , unwilling to potty outside if it is raining exceptionally hard , which only happens once or twice a year , and frankly a bit stupid . I highly recommend whistle - training for recall . I took a short video on my phone , but I can 't format get it loaded into Blogger . There is probably something simple I am missing , but there it is . Today is the day for packing . I don 't know if I will be updating . While I am gone I may or may not be able to send in updates . If I have full service on my phone I can send in short updates . If I don 't have email access but do have text messaging I will send things to FosterAbba who will have temporary permission to post on the blog . Have a good week everyone . My experience has been that a significant number of teens in foster care are alienated from their their ethnic and or racial identity . I 'm not sure how better to put that . Sometimes it happened when they were removed from their parents . In the case of two of my boys , it was more like Barak Obama 's story , sort of . I like that he is such a national figure . Putting all politics aside , I think it is a wonderful thing for my kids to have the opportunity to know the story of a non - white man raised entirely by his white parent . My boys stories are different in that the parent who raised them did not encourage or help them to explore their identity . Carl 's mom did a little better , I think . It seems very clear that Gary was raised as a white boy who happened just happened to get really tan in the summer . He knows almost nothing about his American Indian heritage . I find myself disappointed by his lack of interest . I want to be the pro - active parent who finds resources for him . It is difficult to contain myself because American Indian is one of the few ethnic / racial groups for which I have resources . Andrew had a high school class that required a certain number of community service hours so he just asked one of his best friends if he could help out with the pow wow his dad organizes every year . It 's a huge , three day event with stories , food , dancing , competitions . I could sign him up for lessons in drums , dancing , language . Not the romanticized " diversity " classes taught by well - meaning white folks at the Y . Real classes that are taught be tribal members to almost exclusively tribal children . Classes that are intended to preserve traditions and build community . If he were five , I would so be there . I wouldn 't force him to take classes he didn 't want , but I would be getting involved myself as much as possible . I would be doing what I did with respect to the gay community when the other boys were here . I 'm ready . But he isn 't . He says learning more about the tribe wouldn 't change who he is . He 's just him . And I know I have to resPosted by I had it under control , which is to say nicely suppressed , buried deep enough that I could pretend that I wasn 't really stressed at all . So what happened ? I called my sister . This isn 't ragging on my sister . It just dug up stuff . When we realized a while back that Dad was doing well , i . e . staying sober , we agreed that my family would go directly to the cottages and she would trust Dad to pick her up and get her . It really is easier for us , and it has the added advantage of not antagonizing Dad . It is very stressful for Sis though , and thereby stressful for me . I called her to ask her to print out the menu and grocery list I emailed her and give it to Dad . It took an hour to get around to that . She started right out telling me that she was getting stressed over packing , that she always gets stressed over packing , in fact usually her husband packs for everyone . See , whenever she packs she feels just like she did as a kid or a teenager packing her suitcase to visit Dad . This time it is much worse since she is actually packing her suitcase to visit Dad . We talked for an hour . She told me about what she was feeling . We talked . It was good , but it brought all my stress to the surface . I don 't know if it made her feel better or worse . I think better . I hope anyway . My sister has been waking up in the past year . She has spent two decades buried in Christian fundamentalism , refusing to see complexity , making herself feel safe by making her world small . Now she is going back to school , reading Elizabeth Cady Stanton 's The Woman 's Bible , and asking questions about everything . It is good , but it is also hard . There is a lot coming out . It makes me realize how slow healing is . My sister and I are in our forties and are still sorting it out . Some things we are just figuring out . I did not help Evan moved as I had an doctor 's appointment ( routine ) , but the boys told me about it . It is 600 square feet . The bathroom is huge . He has a stacked washer and dryer in a closet IN HIS BEDROOM . He has a full kitchen with a counter that separates it from the living room . He is on the fifth floor and has an incredible view . There is underground parking , a 24 - hour gym and really tight security . It is right down town in The City next to everything . Did I mention that this is section 8 housing ? He called a bit ago to tell me he survived his first night . He went shopping this morning . He went to the discount grocery store . His boyfriend complained that he didn 't buy anything easy . Everything he got was stuff you had to DO something with . Evan reports he replied , " It 's called groceries . " He said to me on the phone , " I spent $ 150 ! And when I got back I realized I forgot something and had to go back ! Is that , like normal ? Do you think I bought stuff that I shouldn 't ? " I assured him that he didn 't . That was normal , especially when you have nothing and have to get everything all at once . " Then , like , I thought I had everything I needed already , like dishes and pots and stuff , but I realized I needed other things . So I went to another store and got a rug for the bathroom , and a shower curtain , and the draining thing for pasta , and like one other thing and it was another $ 50 ! " So far for furniture he has a futon sofa , and entertainment center with electronics stuff , and . . . that 's all . To be fair , he has paid for a queen - size bed which will be delivered next week on his day off . He is going to go to thrift stores to look for side tables and maybe stools for the counter . " Those things are pretty cheap at thrift stores , right ? " He isn 't going to buy sheets and stuff until he gets the bed . " Do sheets cost a lot ? " Welcome to adulthood , m ' dear . We are getting the Shih Tzu ready for travel . Two days ago I got him injected with a microchip and yesterday I got a dog whistle ( the sort people can hear but is still very high pitched ) . The Shih Tzu is not the brightest dog on the block , but he has figured out that where the whistle blows there be chicken . He likes chicken and he has been jumping up from wherever he is and dashing . It is sort of fun . The whistle can be tuned and I set it by watching his reactions . I 'm a little mystified by the Cattle Dog 's lack of interest . I started by whistling and giving them both treats . Once we moved out of the room the Cattle Dog stopped playing . My guess is that she can 't hear the whistle at this particular pitch , because I just can 't see her not bothering to go where there is chicken . It is better this way though . I know that we are training the Shih Tzu to respond to the whistle , not to follow the Cattle Dog when she responds . I also don 't need the Cattle Dog whistle - trained . She comes when we call her name . Besides , she is not going on the trip . Update : I took the Cattle Dog for a walk today and let her run loose at the fenced elementary school field . I have decided that when we call her name she understands that to mean , " you must come now . " She does hear the dog whistle but she understands it to mean , " Would you care for a piece of chicken ? " So , y ' all remember about the stolen game system ? I can 't find a post about it so it might be pre - blog . Actually I think it was . We did respite for this fifteen year old boy and his older brother whom he had not seen for years had permission to visit . They didn 't seem to know what to say to each other , and I left them alone in the rec room to play video games together . After they left we discovered that Andrew 's Nintendo DS and half a dozen games had been stolen . I filled out a police report and bought Andrew a used one and some used games . I kept the report and the receipt and asked the social worker if they had a fund to reimburse that , trying to be clear that I understood if the answer was no . I didn 't hear anything . Later I asked another worker who said she would check . I didn 't hear anything . Last year at our re - licensing visit I was asked if I had any complaints and I said that the only thing I was upset about was no one answering the question . I would be okay if the answer was no , but I didn 't like not getting an answer . She never got back to me . This past spring the supervisor of workers asked if the same boy could come for respite and I said no . Hearing the firmness in my voice she asked if I had any special reason why . I explained that he was the kid whose brother stole from us . She asked me if we were ever reimbursed for that . I said no . She said that wasn 't right and she would look into it for me . Guess what happened ? Right , nothing . It annoyed me because I hadn 't even brought it up this time . So and my re - licensing visit this year when I was asked if I had any complaints . I again mentioned that no one had given me an answer . I think I showed a degree of frustration as I explained that it really was okay if the answer was no , but that I didn 't like that people kept saying that they would check and then didn 't answer . I told her that I expected the answer to be no now because I didn 't have the police report number or any receipts . Off - handedly I said something about maybe just getting one for Gary and callingPosted by It 's gone . The complete version anyway . It got too long and too difficult to keep up with . I am keeping the box the notification box . If you are on my reader in the category of " foster care related " then your posts will show up there . If you have such a blog let me know and I will add you . Even you know I know you or you have notified me ten times already . Unless you don 't really want to be in the notification box . Claudia has recently been posting half a dozen times a day . Now , there is nothing wrong with that . However , she was sometimes half of the notification box and I decided that just wasn 't fair to the rest of you . She is on my new , tiny , old - fashioned blog roll . I might add a couple of other blogs there too . In beginning of The Good Apprentice by Iris Murdoch , Edward gives a friend a psychedelic drug hidden in a sandwich because he thinks his friend will enjoy the experience . He takes nothing so that he can watch out for his friend . After some time the friend is relaxed and smiling . Edward gets a call from a woman and leaves for an hour . When he comes back his friend has apparently walked out of the window . He is dead . The rest of the book is Edward 's search for redemption . He wants to be forgiven , to pay for what he has done , to make up for it somehow . In the end , as I read the book anyway , he realizes that none of that is possible . He killed his friend . Wallowing in guilt is self - indulgent , forgetting what happened in unacceptable . All he can do is live the best life he can , knowing that he has done what he has done . I told that story to a friend of mine after she asked what Gary had done . I told her that as a way of explaining why I wasn 't answering her question . I told her that Gary like Edward had to find his own path to peace . He has recently learned , or re - learned , that you can 't share a secret with just one or two people . People talk . If you tell three people you trust , a week later someone who has not met you you will know . Secrecy is probably still an option for Gary , as he does not know many people in Our Small Town High . He could go and not tell . It might work . Or he could tell . Lord knows there are dozens of kids there who have done worse and done it more recently . Perhaps that is the better thing to do . It would mean no fear of being found out . I cannot help him with this . I can provide him a safe place , where he is loved and accepted , where people are not afraid of him and he feels like he is genuinely being given a fresh start , but I cannot help him negotiate social reality . Though it is very different , it sometimes feels very like parenting gay kids . I cannot tell someone else whether or to what degree they should be out . I have no advice to give on who to tell , whether to tell . I do not know what is requiPosted by I 'm beginning to wonder if a determined positive attitude is part of Gary 's character , a more recently developed strategy , or just part of his I 'm - new - here - and - need - to - be - likable persona . It is difficult to tell . Some things , like the claim that he did not really eat much , was definitely part of the persona . Gary put that one to bed quickly . Not by attacking it directly but by saying , " Hay man , you hungry ? " and then serving them both bowls containing mountains of ice cream , or leading the way to making 4 inch thick sandwiches . The determined positive attitude though , I 'm not so sure about . I know that when he first entered the state 's custody he did not have such an attitude . He was in fact diagnosed with conduct disorder , among other things . At some point though he started working with the therapist in his treatment program - - this would be when he was twelve . I don 't know how quickly he changed . I know that when he first went back into the more recent group home he was angry . Who could blame him ? He had to live in an extremely restrictive home , be cut off from all his former friends , and repeat a treatment program that he had successfully complete two years before in order to have a place to live . But at some point he seems to have decided that the way to get through all this was to maintain a positive attitude . His PO and the staff at the group home are all incredibly impressed with him . He worked hard . He stayed busy . He was encouraging and supportive to the other kids . He cooked desserts for everyone . He did yard work when there was nothing else to do . And here " It 's all good unless you 're dead . See , in the group home , it 's all bad , but out of the group home it 's all good . " I 've seen him really happy about something , and I have seen him disappointed . The most significant moment I saw was when the agency worker told him that his father would not be allowed unsupervised visits . He said that it wasn 't right for people to get your hopes up about something and then take it back - - and I think he was thinking about the sPosted by When you have raised a child from infancy , or from whatever age it takes for them to regard you as ( one of ) their " real " parents , there is a sort of authority you have that you simply don 't have with foster teens . It is difficult to explain . Frankie was a good example . He hated the school that we sent him to . That he had been part of that decision was not relevant to him . He did not like it there . He wanted to move . We explained that no other school in the area would accept him out of that program without their recommendation . He was stuck . As long as he lived anywhere close to here , he had to go to that school . The solution ? Move to a new family in a new town . For him it was as easy as a simple arithmetic problem . Andrew and Brian may dislike rules that I have for them , but they would never even think , " Well , I can always get new parents . " I would have been totally ignorant of the sort of power I have over my kids if I had never been a foster parent . If I told Brian that I was signing him up for a school he did not want to attend he might make my life miserable , but he would not run away . I am not saying it is wise to parent any teenager that way . I don 't think it is . I am saying though that with most kids you have access to that sort of power . You can say , " You must " and your teenager will not even consider rejecting you as parents . With the foster boys it is different . It may ultimately be a difference on a continuum , but it is important to note . Did you ever watch The Emerald Forest ? It is a story about a boy who is stolen from his parents and raised by " The Invisible People " who live in the Amazon . The boy 's first father finds him at one point asks the chief to order the boy to go home . The chief responds with , " If I tell a man to do something he does not want to do , I will no longer be chief . " ( Quote from memory , probably not exact . ) It is a funny line , but it is true . The chief 's authority is based upon the people 's recognition of his wisdom . Mostly they trust the chief to coordinate their actions so that they cPosted by I would be very happy if Gary changes his mind , but right now he very much wants to graduate a year early . His birthday is in the fall and if he does he will , like Andrew , Carl , Evan and hundreds of other young people , spend most of his senior year being 18 . That seems to him to be utterly unacceptable . Most of his friends are a year ahead of him and he wants to graduate at the same time . For him it is not what it is for most kids in foster care : a belief , or reality , that they must be done before they are 18 . In our state , as I believe most others , kids can stay in care until they are 19 if they are still in school . This is complicated by the fact that there may not be enough places for them . If a kid is in a stable foster home they may be welcome to stay . If they are in a group home or a treatment - level foster home rules may prevent them from staying past their birthday . So the state is on one hand obligated to support them and yet has no where appropriate for there to live . What I have found is that the majority of state kids I have met believe they are required to leave by their birthday . I don 't know if that belief is largely based upon not wanting to stay or if hte social workers really don 't educate them . At one point I really tried to educate the kids . I 've seen though that that can backfire in some cases . That is largely what happened with David . He saw the sense of staying and finishing school . He just really , really didn 't want to . So if I was in charge of Gary 's life I would definitely sign him up for three more years of high school . I think it would be good for him at so many levels , in so many ways . But he wants to graduate early and if we don 't do what we need to help him do that , he may move out on his 18th birthday without a degree . I don 't like it , but well , he may do it anyway . The biggest obstacle is completing 3 years of English in the remaining 2 years . The most obvious way of doing that is by taking one year of English on - line . It is difficult to accept this . I want something different for him . BPosted by I 'm feeling a bit annoyed with Gary 's father . When the marriage really looks like it is over his dad talks to Gary about how difficult it will be to find a job around here that will allow him to pay child support and find them a home . When it looks like his dad and stepmother might be reconciling his dad tells him how he would be willing to work $ 8 / hour if it meant they could be together . Grrr . . . I get that he feels torn between his children , but I wish he would stop promising things to Gary that he can 't or won 't follow through on . . . . and I am so looking forward to it . A few days he told me that he was excited about the move and I said that I was too . He protested saying that it was okay for HIM to say that , but not for me . I for like the 20th time since he moved in decided not to take the opportunity to complain about how he wasn 't paying rent like last year , or buying the groceries he said he would , or doing anything around the house unless he was specifically asked and then only with a degree of protest . It irritates me . I know though that he has a car payment this year and he is trying to save money for everything he needs for his first apartment . The agency is paying all the deposits , and I am giving him a futon mattress , some old flatware , and a couple of battered pans . Still , he has to buy furniture and dishes and all the supplies a person needs to run a house . So I don 't mind that he doesn 't pay rent . I do mind that Roland gave him money to buy pizza for the boys when we went out to celebrate our anniversary and he decided to spend it all , buying pizza , renting movies , and did not give Roland the small amount of change that he had left . It was juvenile of him and it is petty of me . I love him , but the house is crowded . I know that Andrew is counting the days until Evan 's clothes won 't be all over his bedroom floor . I will be pleased when I don 't have to worry about the towels . Evan claims that he uses only his own green towels , but that is a big fat lie . He uses whatever clean towel is in the bathroom and then hangs it up on the rack where anyone can use them . This would not be a big deal , except for the MRSA . I keep thinking that if he isn 't going to contribute to the household financially he should at least being helping out without being prodded . Last weekend I spoke to him on the phone and asked him to unload and reload the dishwasher and the child laughed . He really didn 't think I could possibly be serious . It is just a series of petty annoyances . Really . I wish I had set clearer rules when he moved in . I know though that my increasinPosted by I want to write you interesting and compelling stories about Gary , but it is difficult . Ordinary , kind , basically responsible kids are wonderful to live with but they don 't make for good stories . But I want to keep you engaged in part because I want to counter - balance on the hard stories you read : stories like Frankie 's . Many of the kids in foster care have major issues . They are angry , hurt , and that anger and hurt comes out in ways that can be difficult to deal with . But not all of them . I mean , they all have been traumatized . If they are in foster care something bad happened to them , but not all those kids are difficult to parent , or not any more difficult than most teens . You know what Andrew and Brian complain about with respect to Gary ? He 's too tidy . He prods them into cleaning the rec room and gets irritated if they leave empty soda cans lying around . He 's always tidying up the bathroom and putting things into the cupboard . " Mom , some things belong on the shelf . " Cry me a river , darlings . I did hear that teenager tone in his voice for the first time the other day . He asked if he could go to his friend 's - - you know the boy from the football team . I said , " Will there be parents there ? " He said , " Yes " with that exasperated - teen - talking - to - cognitively - challenged - adult tone in his voice . I laughed and said , " You know I am going to ask you that every time you go anywhere . " He smiled , spoke in a less irritated tone and said , " And I am going to answer you every single time . " I know that part of the reason that he is easy to get along with is that I have got better at dealing with teens . I almost never speak in the imperative " Do this " or threaten consequences , " or else you will lose X privilege . " It isn 't that I don 't expect them to do things , it is just that I don 't order . Instead of telling someone to go wash dishes right now I will usually say something like , " Andrew , don 't forget to figure out with Gary how to divide up the kitchen clean - up . " It isn 't magic . Speaking like this doesn 't turn teenagers into cooperatiPosted by After eight years of parenting gay boys I have got into certain habits . Like not questioning whether a girl who is a friend is really just a friend . I mean what else would she be ? He says she is a friend and I totally accept it . I noticed Roland does too . Before Gary went into the group home he had a girl friend , you know , the romantic type . He , in the time - honored tradition of those sent away from those they love ( and with no oportunity to meet someone new ) expected that she would be there waiting for him when he got out . He wrote her a few letters , but his therapist only forwarded one . At least that is what she tells him . In any case , she did not wait and has a new boyfriend . He coped with this fairly well , and directed his attention towards another friend whom I shall call " Carole . " Carole seems to be nice and mature young woman . Her moms seem pretty cool . Carole is their oldest child and they are as protective as many of us were with our eldest . Gary is only allowed to visit when the parents are there . That 's a good thing . I want to be clear ; I don 't think that Gary is lying to me . This post isn 't really about that . It is really just that I keep forgetting he 's straight . He tells me he 's going to a girl 's house and I say , " okay , see you later ! " Yesterday he said he wanted to go over to visit with a boy who he met at football practice and a little buzzer went off in my head , " A boy ? He 's going to go visit a BOY . Maybe I should call and double check that the parents are there . " I have to re - orient my internal alerts . The probation officer is a very nice woman . Her job is primarily administrative now , but she still has four kids on parole that she keeps track of . She didn 't want to have to transfer any of them . It turns out that Gary has not been on probation an unusual length of time . The PO said that most kiddie criminals stay on probation until they are 21 . If they are as good as Gary has been then can be released early ( like when they are 18 ) , but in my county that means " unsupervised probation " which in turn means only that getting arrested or getting a ticket would have more severe consequences than for the rest of us . This all seems excessive to me . I am inclined to think it is because I am in such a conservative state , but maybe this is typical of the nation . I don 't know . The probation restrictions are not things that will affect me . There are things he has to do - - like call her every week and maintain a certain GPA . The only thing that affects me is the curfew . If he wants to go to a movie with his friends , for instance , I have to pick him up from the theater if it is after 8 : 00pm . He can 't ride his bike home or get a ride from a friend . He has to ask the PO for permission to be out after 8 : 00 for something that is neither school nor church related , but that is his job . Anyway , I liked the PO , which is a good thing since she will be a regular visitor to our home . Gary likes her too . He wanted to show her his room . She recently hurt her knee , but she promised to go down the stairs to see it next time . This is a totally new experience for me . I met her at the staffing at the group home . We are cleaning the house because it desperately needs it and because we don 't know her . I don 't think it is really necessary though . She is hear to help us to understand the conditions of Gary 's probation and to do her regular visit with him . I don 't know how often she is supposed to visit . I don 't know what , if anything , she will care about regarding the house . I imagine she visits homes of people in all sorts of income brackets and habits . Ann had a probation officer while she was here . She had to do community service , attend some classes , and write a letter of apology . Of course her violation had been recent . Gary 's violation was four years ago . He would have been released from probation already if he had a stable home . He will only be released after he has lived in one place for at least year and the PO is convinced he is staying indefinitely . Well , that or when he turns 21 . So we shall see . The kid might have an 8 : 00pm curfew for a while . Warning : post may be objectionable to the squeamish . So Evan it seems has a long relationship with MRSA . When he was little he had an infection in a toe that was so bad that they removed a piece of the toe to get rid of it . Recently he has been getting boils . Well , he has had two of them . They seem to develop quite quickly . He doesn 't notice them until they have burst and are draining pus and blood . ( I warned you . ) One of them burst a couple of months ago . Another just a few days ago . Technically we don 't know absolutely and for certain that the second boil is a MRSA infection as only the first one was cultured , but everyone seems to think that is likely . He kept telling me that it was no big deal , that there wasn 't anything to do except keep it clean while it did what it needed to do . My reaction though was something along the lines of " IT ' S MRSA ! YOU COULD DIE ! CALL THE DOCTOR ! " The doctor 's response was that if the boil had not burst they would open it so the infection would drain out of his body , but as it has done that on its own , there isn 't anything to do except keep it clean while it heals . So he needs to keep clean dressings on it and keep himself as clean as possible . The rest of us need to watch ourselves for any sign of skin infection and go to the doctor if we get one , and wash our hands regularly . We are also buying more towels so that everyone can use an absolutely clean one each time they shower . We also have a disinfectant spray that Evan uses in the shower or tub after he gets out . And that is about it . Except that if he gets a fever he is supposed to go straight to the emergency room . Do not pass go . Do not call the doctor 's office . Go straight to the emergency room . That might mean the infection has started to go INTO his body instead of OUT of his body as it currently is . And that would be bad . Cause you know , it is MRSA and you can die . A very large evergreen tree next to our driveway decided that it was tired and is now leaning at a 45 degree angle . Just a bit more and it will fall on the house . Okay , the tree didn 't so much get tired and come lose in water - logged soil . Roland called the only tree removal guy in town and said that he would like an estimate . I laughed out loud . Our alternative being what ? Wait for it to fall on the house ? They are coming in the morning . Gary loves having a bus pass . All that freedom after eleven months in a very strict group home . He 's fun to be around - - he is still having so much fun . Everything is exciting . He can open the refrigerator any time he wants ! He can ride his bike around the neighborhood ! Get any movie he wants from Netflix ! Whoo Hoo ! He makes me giggle . I got the batting for Gary 's quilt and decided to pre - shrink it . It is 100 % cotton . I had a total brain dead moment and let the washing machine agitate and totally ruined the batting . I went back to the quilt store and bought another . The woman said , " You decided you need more batting ? " I said , " I don 't want to talk about it . " She laughed . I also bought some spray adhesive for quilts . It is supposed to replace basting . A friend of mine whom I haven 't seen in ages was at the store and she confirms that the stuff actually works . Now I have to clear out a big enough space in the house to lay all the pieces on the floor . Maybe I will even take pictures and do a fix - it Friday post for Jo . No promises though . Brian has a friend over . It is the first time for this particular kid . He introduced us , " This is my mom , Yondalla , and my dad Roland . This is our new foster guy , Gary . " Foster guy . Sigh . Gary said he didn 't mind . Someone asked about the football schedule . I learned that the teams ( Varsity and JV ) are expected to go to the high school every Monday , Tuesday and Wednesday all summer long . The coaches anticipate that each kid will likely miss a week or two for some other activity , but whenever they are in town , they are supposed to be there . During the bulk of the summer when they never have the full team they are doing conditioning - - lifting weights and such . For those of you who want to know . Poor Gary forgot which direction the school was in when he rode his bike there this morning . He went the wrong way , turned around and went the right way , but gave up too soon ( the first landmark he was looking for was 13 blocks away ) , went back the wrong way , and then tried again the right way . Poor kid . He had a work out before he even got there . Oh . . . Andrew had his interview for the grocery store . The interview person seemed impressed . Andrew told him that he was heading off to college in the middle of September and he didn 't seem to think that would be a problem . He said he had to talk to the night manager and then he would call back in a couple of days . Now I need to start on Andrew 's quilt top . It 's all about light . The photo of quilt and this of the fountain were both taken with the enV2 . It is only two megapixals and has no flash . Not a great camera , but if there is enough light it takes pretty good pictures . Process comments , " I 'd be really interested to know whether the cleaning thing is the result of institutional living or whether he came from a clean home to begin with . Also , I wonder if it will fade as he lives longer in your home ( not because you 're " slobs , " as you put it , but because he may still be trying to make a good impression . ) " I 'm curious about the same thing . I may ask him how tidy his stepmother and father are . I don 't know what that home was like . Given his comment to his father I am assuming it was kept more tidy than our basement - - although our basement looks like it is the home of adolescent boys . When I was at the group home , which is a rennovated house , I was impressed with how clean it was . When I was there on Saturdays all the boys were busy cleaning and looking like they were managing to enjoy themselves while doing it : lots of joking and some degree of competition . We made the downstairs bathroom his " weekly " chore . That is in quotes because how he schedules it is entirely his decision . As long as he is keeping it clean , he can keep that as his chore . He is not , by the way , expected to keep it as clean as he made it , and if he gets tired of that as his chore he can have another less onerous one . He insisted that he was happy to take it since he couldn 't stand to use a filthy bathroom and would clean it anyway . But either some of the cleanliness is about impressing us , or we are rubbing off on him . A few days ago I noticed a dirty bowl in his bedroom . I didn 't say anything about it because I wanted to see how long it would stay . It is still there . There are also a few dirty clothes on the floor and not all the dresser drawers are tightly shut . Oh , he also never makes his bed . So he isn 't freakish or anything . Gary is still a cheerful guy . He is the cleanest of all my kids , and I don 't just mean that thing where he insists on showering before going to football training * or SWIMMING for the love of all that is holy . By the way , he has very short hair . He really doesn 't look different before and after the shower . No , I mean that he CLEANS things . Kids either become oblivious to ground - in filth or else they decide that they like baths and bathe in the main bathroom . The one that I clean . There is another bathroom in the basement , but I won 't go into it . Gary took the path chosen by no other : he cleaned the basement bathroom . I mean he really cleaned it . He spent an hour scrubbing . It looks new . Someone spilled something in the frig and I offered him $ 5 to clean it . He took out everything , scrubbed the entire inside of the frig until it looked new . Then he sorted the things that were in the frig , threw out the old ones , cleaned the bottles of the things that were still good , and put them back . I paid him $ 10 . Andrew complained to me the other day that was having trouble finding things since Gary keeps cleaning and moving things . The rec room is in a constant state of ickiness . Andrew has a crowd over every week . Brian and Evan carry down dishes of food . Nobody will acknowledge that any particular pop can or dirty dish is their responsibility . They will spend more time arguing over who left a dirty bowl on the floor than it would take to take the thing upstairs . I cope with this situation by not going down stairs unless absolutely necessary . I heard Gary on the phone to his dad though . Mostly Gary was cheerful , but he did joke / complain about how the rec room always looked like someone threw a party in it - - mostly because pretty much there always was one . Now of course I am worried that he will complain to someone about the fifth in which we live . Sort of makes me glad that we had that surprise inspection last week . The family developer knows exactly how bad it really is . But this post is supposed to be about Gary . Let 's see , othPosted by Since Gary moved in , less than two weeks ago , he has received : A used iPod that happened to come with a lot of cool music already on itA cell phone with unlimited textingHis very own set of toiletries that he doesn 't have to shareBrand new misc . stuff for his room ( laundry basket , lock box , etc ) A new bicycle , helmet , and lockNew shoes and cleatsSwim trunksA summer youth bus passAn old library fine paid off so that he can have a new library cardA plane ticket so that he can go on vacation to MaineAnd he has been watching me make him a quilt that he picked out . The agency is paying for most of this , but that isn 't really the point . From Gary 's perspective it doesn 't necessarily matter who is paying . He just keeps getting stuff . He announces that he needs something , like new swim trunks , and the next time we are out we buy them . Sometimes he doesn 't have to ask . Roland came home one day last week and gave him a newly - cut key to the house and garage . And Gary is very appreciative . He is delighted . He shows off to his friends ( " but not to Y , because she doesn 't have much " ) . He is having FUN . He told me today that he figured out that if he plugs his phone into the charger every night before he goes to bed it never runs out of power . He can text all day if he wants ! It is fun , " spoiling " a kid who isn 't used to it and appreciates it so much . I snapped a picture of him the other day , sitting in the van , earphones in his ears , texting on his phone . He was the essence of an every day teenager . Though it is fun , it is also uncomfortable . I feel like the White Witch giving him turkish delight . Seducing him with material goodies , trying to convince him to forget his home and stay here and be happy . Don 't miss your father . . . don 't let your heart break over him . . . have another piece of candy . . . I am not treating him any differently than I have the other kids . I have made them all quilts . With the exception of the used iPod , which seemed to be a fairly modest " welcome to the family " present , everything is standard issue for kids in thePosted by Today we went to Pride . Gary spent most of the time with his friend and her moms , which was cool . We saw lots of people that we haven 't seen for months , made a dinner date with some , and introduced Gary . A couple of people said , " Straight ? He 's straight ? How did that happen ? " They were teasing us of course . I spent the day at the agency 's booth telling people who picked up the literature that the agency was really wonderful . Lots of people picked up brochures , but I think only about half of them understood what they were picking up , and most of them were just curious . Half a dozen people were genuinely surprised that they were there . This is , after all , a very red state . We took the Shih Tzu with us and he really was quite good . So good in fact that we are contemplating taking him along with us on our vacation to the cottages - by - the - lake . I think it will be fun to have the dog along , and it will be easier for Andrew who is staying behind to work . Speaking of which . . . Andrew , after several weeks of avoiding turning in job applications , got a call back from one grocery store the day after he turned one in . He has an interview on Monday . The store is open 24 hours and the job in question is night shift : 10pm to 6am . He 's young , he can halndle it . Teenagers stay up all night anyway , right ? The point though is to make money . I 've finished all 64 blocks of Gary 's quilt . Tonight have have begun to sew them together . I will give you a photo when I am done . I went to pick him up at his friend 's and when I got to the neighborhood I called him on his cell . " Hi Yondalla . " " Hi Gary . I 'm here , but I don 't know which door to go to . What 's the number ? " " I don 't know . " " Well , could you put your someone on ? " " Okay . " Then in the background I hear him saying to someone , " My mom wants to talk to you . " Sigh . I just checked . There is no cell phone coverage at the cottages - on - the - lake . So even though I can blog from my phone , I will not be able to . : ( I just put him on the public bus . His friend , the one that lives 10 miles away a distance he was previously enthusiastic about bicycling to , also lives near the bus line . We are literally one block away . It is not a great bus system . A bus comes by every half hour . They both go down the main strip from our town to the Next Town Over ( where the friend lives ) . When it gets to the downtown area of the Next Town it either goes south to the hospital or north to the event center . If he catches the north - bound bus he will get within blocks of her house . If he takes the south - bound bus , as he did today , he has to get off at the library and walk maybe half a mile . He could have put his bike on the rack on the front of the bus , but didn 't . Anyway , it was funny . To me anyway . Teenagers in general are all bravado . When we were making goals with the social worker one of the was to learn the bus system . His attitude then was " no problem . " Today though he was nervous . I walked him to the stop because he was worried that the bus might not really stop . He got on worried about whether he would miss his stop . Would he be allowed to talk to the driver ? Could he ask if this was the stop for the library ? I assured him he could , really . He laughed and said it was like the first day of school all over again . [ Update : I asked him to text me when he got there . He 's there . He 's fine . Once he was riding he wasn 't even nervous . ] - - I also took him to our library to get him a library card . I told them that he had previously had a card at another library in the consortium when he lived " with his other aunt . " The librarian explained nicely that there was a CD that had been checked out a year ago under his name . It hadn 't been returned , and went to collections . Maybe we could contact his aunt and remind her to pay it ? I said , " She 's moved and she really isn 't . . . that just won 't work . Can we take care of it ? " We can , but we have to drive into The City because that is where the CD was from . Technically the library isn 't supposed to let one person pay anotPosted by Gary has a major case of it with respect to Evan . I mean , major . If Evan wants to watch TV , so does Gary . If Evan is cooking dinner , Gary offers to make the salad . If Evan wants to play video games , so does Gary . And Gary wants to play whatever Evan wants to play . " He follows me around constantly ! He 's like a little puppy dog . Do you have any idea how exhausting that is ? " Evan says to me . " Yes . I do . " I reply . " Really ? " " Really . " Today was a day of little things - - like surprise licensing inspections . And getting a plane ticket for Gary to go to Maine . I spent what seemed like an hour on the phone with someone from the airlines . First she checked to see if she could get him on the same flights that we had . She could , but it would be over $ 2000 . The agency will pay for it , but that was just crazy . She kept searching and found him an itinerary for 1 / 3 of the price , and most of the same flights . On the way home we have all the same flight . On the way out we will all be on the same flight to the big hub airport . We will be able to drop him off at his gate where his plane will go straight to our destination . He will hang out at that airport for a couple of hours while we take two puddle jumpers to get there . He 's excited . He texted ( what is the past tense of " text " ? and when did " text " become a verb ? ) his friends , told the boys . He has not flown by himself before . At one point we thought that he was either going to have to have an escort ( for which he is far too old ) or he was going to have to find his own way through huge airports ( which made him very nervous ) . This is just perfect . Just enough independence to be exciting without any real fear of getting lost . We are all a little buzzed because it means that he really , really is going . I also talked to my father about the other trip . He sounded good , by which I mean sober . Really it is quite a relief . He was very surprised that we were going to meet my sister at the airport . It is extra driving for us . He asked why a couple of times and I just said that Sis wanted me to and I said I would . ' Cause really , there is no polite way to say , " Well , Sis is afraid you will get drunk and not show up . " He finally let it go . I think he might have guessed the reason and there is no point in having that conversation . Still , I am hopeful that he will be sober , or at least something close to it , while we are there . And on the good news front : my computer , like a Phoenix has arisen . I didn 't even lose any of the rePosted by which is , of course , when I thought it would be . The family developer has known us a long time though , so I wasn 't too embarrassed about the quilting mess all over the living room AND dining room . Fortunately the bathroom and kitchen were reasonably clean . All the boys coped with us going into their rooms and checking their smoke detectors while they pulled blankets over their heads . Sigh . We also spent some time talking about Frankie . She was as disappointed as I to hear he had been photo - listed . They are thinking about taking him back and placing him with a family that does intensive care . We told her what sort of care he needed . She will make sure the other family is fully informed . I hope that they are able and willing . We spoke also about the school problem . Ug . I don 't want to think about it anymore . In any case , we are relicensed for another year - - based upon the promise that we will put new batteries in the smoke detectors downstairs , add yet another upstairs , and Roland really will sign up for first aid and CPR . We will , and she trusts us . He really is better than a lot of kids about details . I mean he didcall the group home and his last medical provider toget his physicalfaxed to the school . Still , on Thursday when we were in the stores he said that he didn ' tneed anything , and I KNOW I mentioned shoes specifically . Sunday nighthe said that he needed new shoes for practice . Sorry kid . Gotta wait . Roland took him this afternoon and bought him athletic shoes andcleats . This afternoon , after five , he gave us forms to sign . Some wecould ~ like the one excusing him from school when he has games . Others though , like the medical release , we could not . Roland scannedthen and I sent them to the social worker ( agnecy ) . She will contctthe state worker who will hopefully sign . Until then he cannot play . Just one of those little reminders that as a foster parent you are thelegal equivalent of a babysitter . I do hope they sign . He really wants to do this . ( blogged from my phone ! ) Yes . My laptop has died , or at least gone into a coma . It is currently sitting at the IT woman 's desk waiting for her to find time to see if she can fix it , reimage the harddrive , or will have to order me a new one . She says she will not be able to get to it this week , maybe next , and no she does not have a loaner right now . Ugg . . . I am going into withdrawl as I type - - on my husband 's computer . He is pacing around saying , " It 's okay . Take your time . I can wait . " I have very limited web access on my phone . I can only go to those pages that have simplified versions . So I can read blogs on Google Reader , and I can read and respond to email . I cannot , however , visit blogs or comment on them . Sigh . I will try to get on Roland 's computer periodically to stay in touch . I guess I will have to concentrate on quilting . Speaking of quilting , let me respond to the questions some of you asked . ( Skip the rest of this post if you are not interested in making a quilt . ) The book I am using is Log Cabin Quilts : The Ultimate Guide to the Most Popular and Versatile Pattern , by Patricia Cox and Maggi McCormick Gordon . I have not done a review of Log Cabin quilt books , but this is a good one . I would certainly recommend it to novice quilters , and to people who know how to threat a sewing machine and want to teach themselves . It will get you through making the top of the quilt , known as " piecing " to us quilters . Log cabin quilts are also very forgiving . If your blocks come out wrong you can just trim them down a little and keep on going - - just trim all the blocks to the same size . The second stage of quilting is when you put the the layers together . That can be done by hand or machine quilting or tying . If you want to quilt your quilt you really need , I think , a human teacher and a quilting frame of some sort . You can learn to tie your quilt from a book . I generally tie the quilts I make for the kids ' beds . Some people tie with yarn , but I prefer pearl cotton . It is like embroidery floss , only the strands are not meant to be pulled apart . TPosted by I 'm working on Gary 's quilt . I 'm on a log cabin quilt spree , it seems . I showed him the book and he has picked out a design . It is 8 by 8 blocks , which means a total of 64 . I am chain piecing it , which is rather like an assembly line . I 'm doing all 64 blocks at once . It is a faster way to go , but , on the downside , if I make a mistake I will probably make it 64 times . I have decide therefore that there will be no mistakes . By which I mean of course that anything I sew , I will insist was supposed to be that way . I also finally faced up to the fact that I cannot do the mariner 's quilt that I promised Andrew a couple of years ago . I should have started on it last summer . There are just too many curved seams that really need to be done by hand . So I told him to please pick out his second favorite quilt . He could have anything he wanted - - as long as there were no angles sharper than 60 degrees . He started out with the log cabin book and made his own design in three colors . I 'm very excited about it . And that is my exciting day - - Roland took the boys to a movie . I 'm not sure but it sounded like it was about panda bears and some form of martial arts . I declined . I haven 't hugged him . It seems odd to me that I haven 't , although it is probably good and healthy . I think it is part of him being a normal 15 - year - old boy who hasn 't been bounced around in foster care . Also part of living the past year in a group home where touching was strictly regulated . He doesn 't really invite hugs . He will talk about how he is feeling . He shares . I feel like I am getting closer to him , but he also maintains just enough physical distance that it feels inappropriate to hug . I realize now that when he left the group home no one touched him at all . There was one woman in particular who was really attached to him . She told me how happy she was that we were taking him . She said she wanted me to take 50 more . I laughed , but she looked at me like she was wondering if maybe , just maybe , I would be a placement option for more of the boys who needed somewhere to go after here . She said such wonderful things about Gary . She stayed close to us when we were leaving , and leaned against a post looking sad and happy as I drove away . She didn 't even shake his hand though . I told him that I was a hugger and asked him where he stood on hugs . He said he hugged , not a problem . This conversation was not as weird as it might have been , by the way , we were filling out the sexual safety plan . There 's a part where it says , " The sorts of touch that will not confuse me or make me think that someone wants to have sex with me are : ____ " Anyway , I got to write down " hugs . " Still haven 't hugged him though . Not going to worry about it . When I dropped him off at his friend 's the other day she came running up the side walk and gave him a tight hug . He hugged her right back . That was good to see . It seems sad to me that he has lived in a no - touch environment for eleven months . I have started giving him shoulder pats and squeezes . So the Kinship Care Support Worker called last night as she promised to give us the name of the head football coach , and the location of a meeting he was supposed to be at this morning . That meeting turned out to be the end of the school meeting for every friggin teacher , administrator and support person in the district ( I know , ' cause Roland was there ) . HOWEVER , the football team was go to Roland school today , as they did yesterday , to help move everything from the classrooms into the auditorium so that the building could be renovated this summer . So , Roland picked Gary up after the meeting and took him to his school . They chased asked one of the 80 some football players to point out the coach , and Gary made his pitch . Gary is to go to football camp at the high school Monday morning at 8 : 00am . Have I mentioned that I have never watched an entire football game in my whole life ? Now I know that each team is supposed to get the ball to the other end of the field , and that you can carry it across the line or kick it between those big posts , but not kick it over the line - - right ? Is it worth more points to do it one way rather than another ? When we were in the agency social worker 's office she told Gary that the state worker is insisting upon only supervised visits at the department for now . Gary was disappointed , really . He handled it well . I mean that he didn 't try to pretend that he wasn 't really sad , but he also understood that it wasn 't our fault . We sat quietly for a minute or two and let him deal . On the way home he told me that he really didn 't think it was right for the state worker to do that . She and his father just didn 't get along , " like fighting and yelling not getting along . " He said that people were too hard on his dad . His dad was just doing the best that he could to take care of all his kids . Gary was sad because if the only sort of visits he could have were supervised ones then his dad wouldn 't visit him at all . Now , I don 't know that that is true . His dad has been having supervised visits at the group home for a year . His dad said that he wouldn 't accept supervised visits and may have reinforced that with Gary , but I think his dad says a lot of things that he thinks he means at the time . Anyway , Gary said his dad would be really disappointed because he wanted to get to know us . I told Gary that maybe we could all meet his dad at a pizza place for dinner with the agency worker . The state worker might agree to that as a one - time thing and his father wouldn 't feel like it was " supervised " because he would be getting to know all the new people in Gary 's life . Gary thought that might work and we agreed he would be responsible for setting it up . Gary also volunteered that his dad was trying to get custody of his younger children , and that he had asked his dad how he was going to support all those kids on his own . His dad confessed that he just didn 't know . Then Gary said , half sad , half cheerful , " You might be stuck with me a while . " So . . . I got the boys up so that we could leave the house by 9 : 00 . I know , I had been up for three hours , but we are talking about teenage boys here . Anyway , we got into the car and . . . . . . went to a store for a laundry hamper , shampoo , body wash , a plastic basket to hold toiletries , and a lock box . Gary was very pleased that I said that he could have his OWN shampoo and stuff . . . . went to the cell phone place so they could assign Gary a new phone number so that he won 't get any more calls from Frankie 's family . ( He shouldn 't have to deal with that and I 'm not authorized to give them information anyway . ) Then we went to the agency . It is a really friendly place . All of the workers were in the conference room for the Thursday morning staff meeting . The office manager said we could wait in the lobby and I said , " Brian 's been telling Gary about the sodas , can we go to the kitchen ? " She laughed and said yes . We settled down there . Brian got a soda from the frig , and Gary poured himself a cup of coffee . I just had water . We read the paper at the big kitchen table . Then was Gary 's " interview . " It is really just a chance to meet all the staff and for them to meet him . They asked him some questions . He told them that he thought he was going to turn down the summer landscaping job he had lined up because it was 30 miles from the house and the amount he would have to pay me for gas would pretty much eat up what he would make . The family developer said that she knew someone in Our Small Town that also ran a landscaping business and she would call to see if he needed any help . A while later he told them that he wanted to try out for the football team but wasn 't sure how to do that since school was out . The woman who does the kinship care support said that her husband knew the coach at another high school and he could find out ; she would get the information and give us a call . The guy who sets up activities told us about what was going on this summer . Tomorrow they are taking all the kids who are free to explore some caves . They askedPosted by We picked up a ipod for him at a pawn shop * the other day . It is an older 2 - gig Nano , not exactly top of the market , but I wanted him to have something teenager - y . I also didn 't want to make a big deal about it , so I gave it to Brian to give him . Brian reports that he said , " Holy cr * p ! I 've never had anything this expensive . It 's so cool ! " Given the price I paid he may be wrong about that , but that 's okay . Tomorrow I take him to his official " interview " at the agency where he will meet the staff and then sign the papers saying he really wants to be part of the program . Then I take him to the bike shop where the agency has an account for his bike . Probably tomorrow they will just figure out what size he should have . We will have to pick it up another day . We also have to buy a laundry basket , a lockbox , and paint for the trim in his room . The paint I think will have to wait for another day . He also got a call from someone looking for Frankie so we will have his cell number changed too . * * Yes , we are spoiling him rotten . I will have to make clear to him that these things ( except the cell phone ) are his to keep no matter what . I went down to his room a bit ago just to check on him . He has been moving the furniture to suit him , making the space his own . The main objective was to create wall space across from his bed where he can tack up a decorative blanket his dad gave him . He is definitely nesting . - - * It is a new , large , almost - attractive pawn shop . There is no denying that you can get incredible deals there and the electroncs come with a 30 - day guarantee . Still , I find myself wondering if people were just getting rid of things they no longer want , or was did they sell in order to buy groceries . It is difficult not to feel just a bit like a vulture there . * * I don 't have current information about Frankie to give the person who called and in any case Gary shouldn 't have to deal with that . I went to the graduation ceremony . Andrew and Brian went along , but they were not allowed in because of issues of confidentiality . Deeply disappointed they took the car keys and went out for shakes or whatever they wanted . They called it a graduation , but it like a normal graduation . It was only him , for one . There are about 12 boys in the house at any given time and not everyone who leaves " graduates . " Some put in their time and go having not completed the program and others leave for more secure facilities having gotten into trouble . Every now and then though there is a kid like Gary who completes the program , and he gets a graduation . It starts with the boys and staff sitting around in a big circle . Everyone shares their hopes and fears for Gary . It was very informative for me . I found out that the most common fear his peers had for him was that he would get upset about something and shut down , possibly making a small problem into a big one . Their hopes were more diverse : that he finish high school ; become a famous chef ; finish high school early ; get to live in Hawaii with his dad ( after finishing high school ) . These young men are very focused on the importance of finishing high school . The staff 's fears were more along the lines of him trying to grow up to quickly , not taking time to enjoy being fifteen , and not asking for help when he had a problem . Then he got the a framed certificate , a brownie , and a chance to carve " his mark " on the large tree stump in the back yard . And then I took him home . Gary called . " My graduation is at 3 : 00 . " " Cool . You want us to be there ? " " Yeah . ' Cause right after I am leaving . " Alrighty then . The agency worker emailed me after talking with the state worker . This is where things stand : In order to get custody Gary 's dad would need to have the divorce finalized , have a job and a home , take parenting classes , and show stability which in her mind means 6 months of living in one place . For the foreseeable future , she insists that all visits be supervised at the department . He is not to come to our home or call our house phone . He may call Gary on his cell phone . This is apparently not because he is a danger , but that he can be ornery , loud , and irritable when he doesn 't get his way and she doesn 't want for us to have to listen to it . The next permanency hearing is at the end of summer , and the most that could happen then would be that the judge would approve a reunification plan . Whether he does would depend upon whether he had actually done anything , which she doubts he will . I have so many different emotions , it is difficult to sort them out . Relief is certainly one of them , but so is sadness for Gary . No matter what happens he is not going to get to move in with his dad before school starts . He may not get it at all . The agency social worker says that everyone who knows his dad is skeptical that he will carry through on this plan . Gary may get his heart broken and I get no pleasure from that . I am also anxious about how his dad will respond to these restrictions . He said before that he would " not accept " supervised visitation . I 'm not sure what that means . The state worker thinks that he might refuse to visit Gary under those circumstances and that if he does it would significantly lengthen the reunification process . . . if it happens at all . Part of me wonders if this isn 't over - kill . Do they really think that it isn 't safe for Gary to go to lunch with his dad ? Do they think he will drive off with him ? Really ? They can 't be too worried about what he might say to Gary , as they see no reason to restrict their cell phone conversations . I don 't think there is any reason to be worried that his dad would physically hPosted by Gary that is . He is out of his room to enjoy the amount of time he is allowed to play on electronic games , and he shows for meals . He comes right up and does a chore whenever asked . When he is with one of us he is friendly and engaging . It is easy to get him talking about his life . But if you don 't put any energy into it he will drift off to his room to read , sleep , and drain the batteries on the cell phone . I checked our usage this morning and then again a bit ago , just to see . He has put 100 minutes on the phone this afternoon . Over the weekend he has sent or received almost 80 text / pix messages . I almost told him , when he came to the kitchen to get a piece of pizza , that I would like for him to spend some more time out of his room - - other than meals and gaming time . I didn 't though . He started talking first telling me how cool it was to be able to talk to his girlfriend for the first time in eleven months , laughingly complained that his thumbs were sore from texting . He said he had been up most of the night finishing Eragon and now he is trying to get through Antwoine Fisher . And " I 'm leaving most of my stuff here . I 'm just going to take my whites back because I won 't have enough otherwise . " He was so happy . Kids isolating themselves can be an indicator of depression or other problems , but I think he is just having a ball . He loves being able to go to his room ( his own room ! ) in the middle of the afternoon . He loves being able to talk to his friend , having a cell phone . This morning he told me that he called his dad last night ( " because I can ! " ) and that his dad was really sad , he might have even been crying . " All of this , " meaning the divorce and separation from his kids is " so hard on him . I think he was crying . I haven 't ever heard him cry before . " Gary told me that it has always been hard on his dad to not be able to live with all his kids . " Most people are really critical of him for not living with me . " I told him that I wasn 't , that I had a lot of sympathy for his dad . Having to choose which of your kids to Posted by Daughter , sister , wife , mother , foster - parent blog writer , philosophy professor . . . I am and have been many things . These days my identities as a teacher of bioethics and the daughter of a woman with Parkinson 's and dementia lead me to agree with Peter Singer , " It 's different when it 's your mother . "
|
1 . Pack everything the night before . 2 . Load car in the morning . 3 . Say , " everyone ready ? " 4 . Go for gas . 5 . Go home so hubby can get sunglasses . 6 . Be relieved you are back because back door is open . 7 . Go in house for dog toys , and pencil . 8 . Go back to car . 9 . Go back to get bag of beverages . 12 . Go back to car . 13 . Ask , " Does everybody have everything , really ? ? " 14 . DRIVE AWAY . 15 . Go 10 miles . 16 . Give Hubby dirty look when he says , " I forgot the dog crate . " 17 . Decide to buy a new beeping crate on the road since the one youhave is big and heavy and 10 freaking miles away . 16 . Write blog post on phone to tell everyone about it . Dad sent Andrew a graduation card with a check that resulted in my saying , " Holy crap ! " There was a hand - written note in it that said , " Sorry you can 't come to the ranch . I bought a horse just for you . " We agreed he HAD to be joking , right ? Hard to tell given my father 's long history of not being a joker weighed against the possibility that he had BOUGHT HORSES . He just called to give us directions again . The directions ended , " You will know you are there because you will see the sign and the horses . " Holy crap . Maybe he rented them . I said that to Roland who replied , " Well , that would be the sensible thing to do . " Which probably means that he didn 't . I told Andrew that if he wanted to ask a friend to stay here in his place he could still come . I guess I have only one other update . The whistle training for the Shih Tzu is a great success . We have been taking them to the school field . The Shih Tzu can be at the other end of the field and when we blow on the whistle he will turn on a dime and come running back . And this is a Shih Tzu : stubborn , difficult to train , unwilling to potty outside if it is raining exceptionally hard , which only happens once or twice a year , and frankly a bit stupid . I highly recommend whistle - training for recall . I took a short video on my phone , but I can 't format get it loaded into Blogger . There is probably something simple I am missing , but there it is . Today is the day for packing . I don 't know if I will be updating . While I am gone I may or may not be able to send in updates . If I have full service on my phone I can send in short updates . If I don 't have email access but do have text messaging I will send things to FosterAbba who will have temporary permission to post on the blog . Have a good week everyone . My experience has been that a significant number of teens in foster care are alienated from their their ethnic and or racial identity . I 'm not sure how better to put that . Sometimes it happened when they were removed from their parents . In the case of two of my boys , it was more like Barak Obama 's story , sort of . I like that he is such a national figure . Putting all politics aside , I think it is a wonderful thing for my kids to have the opportunity to know the story of a non - white man raised entirely by his white parent . My boys stories are different in that the parent who raised them did not encourage or help them to explore their identity . Carl 's mom did a little better , I think . It seems very clear that Gary was raised as a white boy who happened just happened to get really tan in the summer . He knows almost nothing about his American Indian heritage . I find myself disappointed by his lack of interest . I want to be the pro - active parent who finds resources for him . It is difficult to contain myself because American Indian is one of the few ethnic / racial groups for which I have resources . Andrew had a high school class that required a certain number of community service hours so he just asked one of his best friends if he could help out with the pow wow his dad organizes every year . It 's a huge , three day event with stories , food , dancing , competitions . I could sign him up for lessons in drums , dancing , language . Not the romanticized " diversity " classes taught by well - meaning white folks at the Y . Real classes that are taught be tribal members to almost exclusively tribal children . Classes that are intended to preserve traditions and build community . If he were five , I would so be there . I wouldn 't force him to take classes he didn 't want , but I would be getting involved myself as much as possible . I would be doing what I did with respect to the gay community when the other boys were here . I 'm ready . But he isn 't . He says learning more about the tribe wouldn 't change who he is . He 's just him . And I know I have to resPosted by I had it under control , which is to say nicely suppressed , buried deep enough that I could pretend that I wasn 't really stressed at all . So what happened ? I called my sister . This isn 't ragging on my sister . It just dug up stuff . When we realized a while back that Dad was doing well , i . e . staying sober , we agreed that my family would go directly to the cottages and she would trust Dad to pick her up and get her . It really is easier for us , and it has the added advantage of not antagonizing Dad . It is very stressful for Sis though , and thereby stressful for me . I called her to ask her to print out the menu and grocery list I emailed her and give it to Dad . It took an hour to get around to that . She started right out telling me that she was getting stressed over packing , that she always gets stressed over packing , in fact usually her husband packs for everyone . See , whenever she packs she feels just like she did as a kid or a teenager packing her suitcase to visit Dad . This time it is much worse since she is actually packing her suitcase to visit Dad . We talked for an hour . She told me about what she was feeling . We talked . It was good , but it brought all my stress to the surface . I don 't know if it made her feel better or worse . I think better . I hope anyway . My sister has been waking up in the past year . She has spent two decades buried in Christian fundamentalism , refusing to see complexity , making herself feel safe by making her world small . Now she is going back to school , reading Elizabeth Cady Stanton 's The Woman 's Bible , and asking questions about everything . It is good , but it is also hard . There is a lot coming out . It makes me realize how slow healing is . My sister and I are in our forties and are still sorting it out . Some things we are just figuring out . I did not help Evan moved as I had an doctor 's appointment ( routine ) , but the boys told me about it . It is 600 square feet . The bathroom is huge . He has a stacked washer and dryer in a closet IN HIS BEDROOM . He has a full kitchen with a counter that separates it from the living room . He is on the fifth floor and has an incredible view . There is underground parking , a 24 - hour gym and really tight security . It is right down town in The City next to everything . Did I mention that this is section 8 housing ? He called a bit ago to tell me he survived his first night . He went shopping this morning . He went to the discount grocery store . His boyfriend complained that he didn 't buy anything easy . Everything he got was stuff you had to DO something with . Evan reports he replied , " It 's called groceries . " He said to me on the phone , " I spent $ 150 ! And when I got back I realized I forgot something and had to go back ! Is that , like normal ? Do you think I bought stuff that I shouldn 't ? " I assured him that he didn 't . That was normal , especially when you have nothing and have to get everything all at once . " Then , like , I thought I had everything I needed already , like dishes and pots and stuff , but I realized I needed other things . So I went to another store and got a rug for the bathroom , and a shower curtain , and the draining thing for pasta , and like one other thing and it was another $ 50 ! " So far for furniture he has a futon sofa , and entertainment center with electronics stuff , and . . . that 's all . To be fair , he has paid for a queen - size bed which will be delivered next week on his day off . He is going to go to thrift stores to look for side tables and maybe stools for the counter . " Those things are pretty cheap at thrift stores , right ? " He isn 't going to buy sheets and stuff until he gets the bed . " Do sheets cost a lot ? " Welcome to adulthood , m ' dear . We are getting the Shih Tzu ready for travel . Two days ago I got him injected with a microchip and yesterday I got a dog whistle ( the sort people can hear but is still very high pitched ) . The Shih Tzu is not the brightest dog on the block , but he has figured out that where the whistle blows there be chicken . He likes chicken and he has been jumping up from wherever he is and dashing . It is sort of fun . The whistle can be tuned and I set it by watching his reactions . I 'm a little mystified by the Cattle Dog 's lack of interest . I started by whistling and giving them both treats . Once we moved out of the room the Cattle Dog stopped playing . My guess is that she can 't hear the whistle at this particular pitch , because I just can 't see her not bothering to go where there is chicken . It is better this way though . I know that we are training the Shih Tzu to respond to the whistle , not to follow the Cattle Dog when she responds . I also don 't need the Cattle Dog whistle - trained . She comes when we call her name . Besides , she is not going on the trip . Update : I took the Cattle Dog for a walk today and let her run loose at the fenced elementary school field . I have decided that when we call her name she understands that to mean , " you must come now . " She does hear the dog whistle but she understands it to mean , " Would you care for a piece of chicken ? " So , y ' all remember about the stolen game system ? I can 't find a post about it so it might be pre - blog . Actually I think it was . We did respite for this fifteen year old boy and his older brother whom he had not seen for years had permission to visit . They didn 't seem to know what to say to each other , and I left them alone in the rec room to play video games together . After they left we discovered that Andrew 's Nintendo DS and half a dozen games had been stolen . I filled out a police report and bought Andrew a used one and some used games . I kept the report and the receipt and asked the social worker if they had a fund to reimburse that , trying to be clear that I understood if the answer was no . I didn 't hear anything . Later I asked another worker who said she would check . I didn 't hear anything . Last year at our re - licensing visit I was asked if I had any complaints and I said that the only thing I was upset about was no one answering the question . I would be okay if the answer was no , but I didn 't like not getting an answer . She never got back to me . This past spring the supervisor of workers asked if the same boy could come for respite and I said no . Hearing the firmness in my voice she asked if I had any special reason why . I explained that he was the kid whose brother stole from us . She asked me if we were ever reimbursed for that . I said no . She said that wasn 't right and she would look into it for me . Guess what happened ? Right , nothing . It annoyed me because I hadn 't even brought it up this time . So and my re - licensing visit this year when I was asked if I had any complaints . I again mentioned that no one had given me an answer . I think I showed a degree of frustration as I explained that it really was okay if the answer was no , but that I didn 't like that people kept saying that they would check and then didn 't answer . I told her that I expected the answer to be no now because I didn 't have the police report number or any receipts . Off - handedly I said something about maybe just getting one for Gary and callingPosted by It 's gone . The complete version anyway . It got too long and too difficult to keep up with . I am keeping the box the notification box . If you are on my reader in the category of " foster care related " then your posts will show up there . If you have such a blog let me know and I will add you . Even you know I know you or you have notified me ten times already . Unless you don 't really want to be in the notification box . Claudia has recently been posting half a dozen times a day . Now , there is nothing wrong with that . However , she was sometimes half of the notification box and I decided that just wasn 't fair to the rest of you . She is on my new , tiny , old - fashioned blog roll . I might add a couple of other blogs there too . In beginning of The Good Apprentice by Iris Murdoch , Edward gives a friend a psychedelic drug hidden in a sandwich because he thinks his friend will enjoy the experience . He takes nothing so that he can watch out for his friend . After some time the friend is relaxed and smiling . Edward gets a call from a woman and leaves for an hour . When he comes back his friend has apparently walked out of the window . He is dead . The rest of the book is Edward 's search for redemption . He wants to be forgiven , to pay for what he has done , to make up for it somehow . In the end , as I read the book anyway , he realizes that none of that is possible . He killed his friend . Wallowing in guilt is self - indulgent , forgetting what happened in unacceptable . All he can do is live the best life he can , knowing that he has done what he has done . I told that story to a friend of mine after she asked what Gary had done . I told her that as a way of explaining why I wasn 't answering her question . I told her that Gary like Edward had to find his own path to peace . He has recently learned , or re - learned , that you can 't share a secret with just one or two people . People talk . If you tell three people you trust , a week later someone who has not met you you will know . Secrecy is probably still an option for Gary , as he does not know many people in Our Small Town High . He could go and not tell . It might work . Or he could tell . Lord knows there are dozens of kids there who have done worse and done it more recently . Perhaps that is the better thing to do . It would mean no fear of being found out . I cannot help him with this . I can provide him a safe place , where he is loved and accepted , where people are not afraid of him and he feels like he is genuinely being given a fresh start , but I cannot help him negotiate social reality . Though it is very different , it sometimes feels very like parenting gay kids . I cannot tell someone else whether or to what degree they should be out . I have no advice to give on who to tell , whether to tell . I do not know what is requiPosted by I 'm beginning to wonder if a determined positive attitude is part of Gary 's character , a more recently developed strategy , or just part of his I 'm - new - here - and - need - to - be - likable persona . It is difficult to tell . Some things , like the claim that he did not really eat much , was definitely part of the persona . Gary put that one to bed quickly . Not by attacking it directly but by saying , " Hay man , you hungry ? " and then serving them both bowls containing mountains of ice cream , or leading the way to making 4 inch thick sandwiches . The determined positive attitude though , I 'm not so sure about . I know that when he first entered the state 's custody he did not have such an attitude . He was in fact diagnosed with conduct disorder , among other things . At some point though he started working with the therapist in his treatment program - - this would be when he was twelve . I don 't know how quickly he changed . I know that when he first went back into the more recent group home he was angry . Who could blame him ? He had to live in an extremely restrictive home , be cut off from all his former friends , and repeat a treatment program that he had successfully complete two years before in order to have a place to live . But at some point he seems to have decided that the way to get through all this was to maintain a positive attitude . His PO and the staff at the group home are all incredibly impressed with him . He worked hard . He stayed busy . He was encouraging and supportive to the other kids . He cooked desserts for everyone . He did yard work when there was nothing else to do . And here " It 's all good unless you 're dead . See , in the group home , it 's all bad , but out of the group home it 's all good . " I 've seen him really happy about something , and I have seen him disappointed . The most significant moment I saw was when the agency worker told him that his father would not be allowed unsupervised visits . He said that it wasn 't right for people to get your hopes up about something and then take it back - - and I think he was thinking about the sPosted by When you have raised a child from infancy , or from whatever age it takes for them to regard you as ( one of ) their " real " parents , there is a sort of authority you have that you simply don 't have with foster teens . It is difficult to explain . Frankie was a good example . He hated the school that we sent him to . That he had been part of that decision was not relevant to him . He did not like it there . He wanted to move . We explained that no other school in the area would accept him out of that program without their recommendation . He was stuck . As long as he lived anywhere close to here , he had to go to that school . The solution ? Move to a new family in a new town . For him it was as easy as a simple arithmetic problem . Andrew and Brian may dislike rules that I have for them , but they would never even think , " Well , I can always get new parents . " I would have been totally ignorant of the sort of power I have over my kids if I had never been a foster parent . If I told Brian that I was signing him up for a school he did not want to attend he might make my life miserable , but he would not run away . I am not saying it is wise to parent any teenager that way . I don 't think it is . I am saying though that with most kids you have access to that sort of power . You can say , " You must " and your teenager will not even consider rejecting you as parents . With the foster boys it is different . It may ultimately be a difference on a continuum , but it is important to note . Did you ever watch The Emerald Forest ? It is a story about a boy who is stolen from his parents and raised by " The Invisible People " who live in the Amazon . The boy 's first father finds him at one point asks the chief to order the boy to go home . The chief responds with , " If I tell a man to do something he does not want to do , I will no longer be chief . " ( Quote from memory , probably not exact . ) It is a funny line , but it is true . The chief 's authority is based upon the people 's recognition of his wisdom . Mostly they trust the chief to coordinate their actions so that they cPosted by I would be very happy if Gary changes his mind , but right now he very much wants to graduate a year early . His birthday is in the fall and if he does he will , like Andrew , Carl , Evan and hundreds of other young people , spend most of his senior year being 18 . That seems to him to be utterly unacceptable . Most of his friends are a year ahead of him and he wants to graduate at the same time . For him it is not what it is for most kids in foster care : a belief , or reality , that they must be done before they are 18 . In our state , as I believe most others , kids can stay in care until they are 19 if they are still in school . This is complicated by the fact that there may not be enough places for them . If a kid is in a stable foster home they may be welcome to stay . If they are in a group home or a treatment - level foster home rules may prevent them from staying past their birthday . So the state is on one hand obligated to support them and yet has no where appropriate for there to live . What I have found is that the majority of state kids I have met believe they are required to leave by their birthday . I don 't know if that belief is largely based upon not wanting to stay or if hte social workers really don 't educate them . At one point I really tried to educate the kids . I 've seen though that that can backfire in some cases . That is largely what happened with David . He saw the sense of staying and finishing school . He just really , really didn 't want to . So if I was in charge of Gary 's life I would definitely sign him up for three more years of high school . I think it would be good for him at so many levels , in so many ways . But he wants to graduate early and if we don 't do what we need to help him do that , he may move out on his 18th birthday without a degree . I don 't like it , but well , he may do it anyway . The biggest obstacle is completing 3 years of English in the remaining 2 years . The most obvious way of doing that is by taking one year of English on - line . It is difficult to accept this . I want something different for him . BPosted by I 'm feeling a bit annoyed with Gary 's father . When the marriage really looks like it is over his dad talks to Gary about how difficult it will be to find a job around here that will allow him to pay child support and find them a home . When it looks like his dad and stepmother might be reconciling his dad tells him how he would be willing to work $ 8 / hour if it meant they could be together . Grrr . . . I get that he feels torn between his children , but I wish he would stop promising things to Gary that he can 't or won 't follow through on . . . . and I am so looking forward to it . A few days he told me that he was excited about the move and I said that I was too . He protested saying that it was okay for HIM to say that , but not for me . I for like the 20th time since he moved in decided not to take the opportunity to complain about how he wasn 't paying rent like last year , or buying the groceries he said he would , or doing anything around the house unless he was specifically asked and then only with a degree of protest . It irritates me . I know though that he has a car payment this year and he is trying to save money for everything he needs for his first apartment . The agency is paying all the deposits , and I am giving him a futon mattress , some old flatware , and a couple of battered pans . Still , he has to buy furniture and dishes and all the supplies a person needs to run a house . So I don 't mind that he doesn 't pay rent . I do mind that Roland gave him money to buy pizza for the boys when we went out to celebrate our anniversary and he decided to spend it all , buying pizza , renting movies , and did not give Roland the small amount of change that he had left . It was juvenile of him and it is petty of me . I love him , but the house is crowded . I know that Andrew is counting the days until Evan 's clothes won 't be all over his bedroom floor . I will be pleased when I don 't have to worry about the towels . Evan claims that he uses only his own green towels , but that is a big fat lie . He uses whatever clean towel is in the bathroom and then hangs it up on the rack where anyone can use them . This would not be a big deal , except for the MRSA . I keep thinking that if he isn 't going to contribute to the household financially he should at least being helping out without being prodded . Last weekend I spoke to him on the phone and asked him to unload and reload the dishwasher and the child laughed . He really didn 't think I could possibly be serious . It is just a series of petty annoyances . Really . I wish I had set clearer rules when he moved in . I know though that my increasinPosted by I want to write you interesting and compelling stories about Gary , but it is difficult . Ordinary , kind , basically responsible kids are wonderful to live with but they don 't make for good stories . But I want to keep you engaged in part because I want to counter - balance on the hard stories you read : stories like Frankie 's . Many of the kids in foster care have major issues . They are angry , hurt , and that anger and hurt comes out in ways that can be difficult to deal with . But not all of them . I mean , they all have been traumatized . If they are in foster care something bad happened to them , but not all those kids are difficult to parent , or not any more difficult than most teens . You know what Andrew and Brian complain about with respect to Gary ? He 's too tidy . He prods them into cleaning the rec room and gets irritated if they leave empty soda cans lying around . He 's always tidying up the bathroom and putting things into the cupboard . " Mom , some things belong on the shelf . " Cry me a river , darlings . I did hear that teenager tone in his voice for the first time the other day . He asked if he could go to his friend 's - - you know the boy from the football team . I said , " Will there be parents there ? " He said , " Yes " with that exasperated - teen - talking - to - cognitively - challenged - adult tone in his voice . I laughed and said , " You know I am going to ask you that every time you go anywhere . " He smiled , spoke in a less irritated tone and said , " And I am going to answer you every single time . " I know that part of the reason that he is easy to get along with is that I have got better at dealing with teens . I almost never speak in the imperative " Do this " or threaten consequences , " or else you will lose X privilege . " It isn 't that I don 't expect them to do things , it is just that I don 't order . Instead of telling someone to go wash dishes right now I will usually say something like , " Andrew , don 't forget to figure out with Gary how to divide up the kitchen clean - up . " It isn 't magic . Speaking like this doesn 't turn teenagers into cooperatiPosted by After eight years of parenting gay boys I have got into certain habits . Like not questioning whether a girl who is a friend is really just a friend . I mean what else would she be ? He says she is a friend and I totally accept it . I noticed Roland does too . Before Gary went into the group home he had a girl friend , you know , the romantic type . He , in the time - honored tradition of those sent away from those they love ( and with no oportunity to meet someone new ) expected that she would be there waiting for him when he got out . He wrote her a few letters , but his therapist only forwarded one . At least that is what she tells him . In any case , she did not wait and has a new boyfriend . He coped with this fairly well , and directed his attention towards another friend whom I shall call " Carole . " Carole seems to be nice and mature young woman . Her moms seem pretty cool . Carole is their oldest child and they are as protective as many of us were with our eldest . Gary is only allowed to visit when the parents are there . That 's a good thing . I want to be clear ; I don 't think that Gary is lying to me . This post isn 't really about that . It is really just that I keep forgetting he 's straight . He tells me he 's going to a girl 's house and I say , " okay , see you later ! " Yesterday he said he wanted to go over to visit with a boy who he met at football practice and a little buzzer went off in my head , " A boy ? He 's going to go visit a BOY . Maybe I should call and double check that the parents are there . " I have to re - orient my internal alerts . The probation officer is a very nice woman . Her job is primarily administrative now , but she still has four kids on parole that she keeps track of . She didn 't want to have to transfer any of them . It turns out that Gary has not been on probation an unusual length of time . The PO said that most kiddie criminals stay on probation until they are 21 . If they are as good as Gary has been then can be released early ( like when they are 18 ) , but in my county that means " unsupervised probation " which in turn means only that getting arrested or getting a ticket would have more severe consequences than for the rest of us . This all seems excessive to me . I am inclined to think it is because I am in such a conservative state , but maybe this is typical of the nation . I don 't know . The probation restrictions are not things that will affect me . There are things he has to do - - like call her every week and maintain a certain GPA . The only thing that affects me is the curfew . If he wants to go to a movie with his friends , for instance , I have to pick him up from the theater if it is after 8 : 00pm . He can 't ride his bike home or get a ride from a friend . He has to ask the PO for permission to be out after 8 : 00 for something that is neither school nor church related , but that is his job . Anyway , I liked the PO , which is a good thing since she will be a regular visitor to our home . Gary likes her too . He wanted to show her his room . She recently hurt her knee , but she promised to go down the stairs to see it next time . This is a totally new experience for me . I met her at the staffing at the group home . We are cleaning the house because it desperately needs it and because we don 't know her . I don 't think it is really necessary though . She is hear to help us to understand the conditions of Gary 's probation and to do her regular visit with him . I don 't know how often she is supposed to visit . I don 't know what , if anything , she will care about regarding the house . I imagine she visits homes of people in all sorts of income brackets and habits . Ann had a probation officer while she was here . She had to do community service , attend some classes , and write a letter of apology . Of course her violation had been recent . Gary 's violation was four years ago . He would have been released from probation already if he had a stable home . He will only be released after he has lived in one place for at least year and the PO is convinced he is staying indefinitely . Well , that or when he turns 21 . So we shall see . The kid might have an 8 : 00pm curfew for a while . Warning : post may be objectionable to the squeamish . So Evan it seems has a long relationship with MRSA . When he was little he had an infection in a toe that was so bad that they removed a piece of the toe to get rid of it . Recently he has been getting boils . Well , he has had two of them . They seem to develop quite quickly . He doesn 't notice them until they have burst and are draining pus and blood . ( I warned you . ) One of them burst a couple of months ago . Another just a few days ago . Technically we don 't know absolutely and for certain that the second boil is a MRSA infection as only the first one was cultured , but everyone seems to think that is likely . He kept telling me that it was no big deal , that there wasn 't anything to do except keep it clean while it did what it needed to do . My reaction though was something along the lines of " IT ' S MRSA ! YOU COULD DIE ! CALL THE DOCTOR ! " The doctor 's response was that if the boil had not burst they would open it so the infection would drain out of his body , but as it has done that on its own , there isn 't anything to do except keep it clean while it heals . So he needs to keep clean dressings on it and keep himself as clean as possible . The rest of us need to watch ourselves for any sign of skin infection and go to the doctor if we get one , and wash our hands regularly . We are also buying more towels so that everyone can use an absolutely clean one each time they shower . We also have a disinfectant spray that Evan uses in the shower or tub after he gets out . And that is about it . Except that if he gets a fever he is supposed to go straight to the emergency room . Do not pass go . Do not call the doctor 's office . Go straight to the emergency room . That might mean the infection has started to go INTO his body instead of OUT of his body as it currently is . And that would be bad . Cause you know , it is MRSA and you can die . A very large evergreen tree next to our driveway decided that it was tired and is now leaning at a 45 degree angle . Just a bit more and it will fall on the house . Okay , the tree didn 't so much get tired and come lose in water - logged soil . Roland called the only tree removal guy in town and said that he would like an estimate . I laughed out loud . Our alternative being what ? Wait for it to fall on the house ? They are coming in the morning . Gary loves having a bus pass . All that freedom after eleven months in a very strict group home . He 's fun to be around - - he is still having so much fun . Everything is exciting . He can open the refrigerator any time he wants ! He can ride his bike around the neighborhood ! Get any movie he wants from Netflix ! Whoo Hoo ! He makes me giggle . I got the batting for Gary 's quilt and decided to pre - shrink it . It is 100 % cotton . I had a total brain dead moment and let the washing machine agitate and totally ruined the batting . I went back to the quilt store and bought another . The woman said , " You decided you need more batting ? " I said , " I don 't want to talk about it . " She laughed . I also bought some spray adhesive for quilts . It is supposed to replace basting . A friend of mine whom I haven 't seen in ages was at the store and she confirms that the stuff actually works . Now I have to clear out a big enough space in the house to lay all the pieces on the floor . Maybe I will even take pictures and do a fix - it Friday post for Jo . No promises though . Brian has a friend over . It is the first time for this particular kid . He introduced us , " This is my mom , Yondalla , and my dad Roland . This is our new foster guy , Gary . " Foster guy . Sigh . Gary said he didn 't mind . Someone asked about the football schedule . I learned that the teams ( Varsity and JV ) are expected to go to the high school every Monday , Tuesday and Wednesday all summer long . The coaches anticipate that each kid will likely miss a week or two for some other activity , but whenever they are in town , they are supposed to be there . During the bulk of the summer when they never have the full team they are doing conditioning - - lifting weights and such . For those of you who want to know . Poor Gary forgot which direction the school was in when he rode his bike there this morning . He went the wrong way , turned around and went the right way , but gave up too soon ( the first landmark he was looking for was 13 blocks away ) , went back the wrong way , and then tried again the right way . Poor kid . He had a work out before he even got there . Oh . . . Andrew had his interview for the grocery store . The interview person seemed impressed . Andrew told him that he was heading off to college in the middle of September and he didn 't seem to think that would be a problem . He said he had to talk to the night manager and then he would call back in a couple of days . Now I need to start on Andrew 's quilt top . It 's all about light . The photo of quilt and this of the fountain were both taken with the enV2 . It is only two megapixals and has no flash . Not a great camera , but if there is enough light it takes pretty good pictures . Process comments , " I 'd be really interested to know whether the cleaning thing is the result of institutional living or whether he came from a clean home to begin with . Also , I wonder if it will fade as he lives longer in your home ( not because you 're " slobs , " as you put it , but because he may still be trying to make a good impression . ) " I 'm curious about the same thing . I may ask him how tidy his stepmother and father are . I don 't know what that home was like . Given his comment to his father I am assuming it was kept more tidy than our basement - - although our basement looks like it is the home of adolescent boys . When I was at the group home , which is a rennovated house , I was impressed with how clean it was . When I was there on Saturdays all the boys were busy cleaning and looking like they were managing to enjoy themselves while doing it : lots of joking and some degree of competition . We made the downstairs bathroom his " weekly " chore . That is in quotes because how he schedules it is entirely his decision . As long as he is keeping it clean , he can keep that as his chore . He is not , by the way , expected to keep it as clean as he made it , and if he gets tired of that as his chore he can have another less onerous one . He insisted that he was happy to take it since he couldn 't stand to use a filthy bathroom and would clean it anyway . But either some of the cleanliness is about impressing us , or we are rubbing off on him . A few days ago I noticed a dirty bowl in his bedroom . I didn 't say anything about it because I wanted to see how long it would stay . It is still there . There are also a few dirty clothes on the floor and not all the dresser drawers are tightly shut . Oh , he also never makes his bed . So he isn 't freakish or anything . Gary is still a cheerful guy . He is the cleanest of all my kids , and I don 't just mean that thing where he insists on showering before going to football training * or SWIMMING for the love of all that is holy . By the way , he has very short hair . He really doesn 't look different before and after the shower . No , I mean that he CLEANS things . Kids either become oblivious to ground - in filth or else they decide that they like baths and bathe in the main bathroom . The one that I clean . There is another bathroom in the basement , but I won 't go into it . Gary took the path chosen by no other : he cleaned the basement bathroom . I mean he really cleaned it . He spent an hour scrubbing . It looks new . Someone spilled something in the frig and I offered him $ 5 to clean it . He took out everything , scrubbed the entire inside of the frig until it looked new . Then he sorted the things that were in the frig , threw out the old ones , cleaned the bottles of the things that were still good , and put them back . I paid him $ 10 . Andrew complained to me the other day that was having trouble finding things since Gary keeps cleaning and moving things . The rec room is in a constant state of ickiness . Andrew has a crowd over every week . Brian and Evan carry down dishes of food . Nobody will acknowledge that any particular pop can or dirty dish is their responsibility . They will spend more time arguing over who left a dirty bowl on the floor than it would take to take the thing upstairs . I cope with this situation by not going down stairs unless absolutely necessary . I heard Gary on the phone to his dad though . Mostly Gary was cheerful , but he did joke / complain about how the rec room always looked like someone threw a party in it - - mostly because pretty much there always was one . Now of course I am worried that he will complain to someone about the fifth in which we live . Sort of makes me glad that we had that surprise inspection last week . The family developer knows exactly how bad it really is . But this post is supposed to be about Gary . Let 's see , othPosted by Since Gary moved in , less than two weeks ago , he has received : A used iPod that happened to come with a lot of cool music already on itA cell phone with unlimited textingHis very own set of toiletries that he doesn 't have to shareBrand new misc . stuff for his room ( laundry basket , lock box , etc ) A new bicycle , helmet , and lockNew shoes and cleatsSwim trunksA summer youth bus passAn old library fine paid off so that he can have a new library cardA plane ticket so that he can go on vacation to MaineAnd he has been watching me make him a quilt that he picked out . The agency is paying for most of this , but that isn 't really the point . From Gary 's perspective it doesn 't necessarily matter who is paying . He just keeps getting stuff . He announces that he needs something , like new swim trunks , and the next time we are out we buy them . Sometimes he doesn 't have to ask . Roland came home one day last week and gave him a newly - cut key to the house and garage . And Gary is very appreciative . He is delighted . He shows off to his friends ( " but not to Y , because she doesn 't have much " ) . He is having FUN . He told me today that he figured out that if he plugs his phone into the charger every night before he goes to bed it never runs out of power . He can text all day if he wants ! It is fun , " spoiling " a kid who isn 't used to it and appreciates it so much . I snapped a picture of him the other day , sitting in the van , earphones in his ears , texting on his phone . He was the essence of an every day teenager . Though it is fun , it is also uncomfortable . I feel like the White Witch giving him turkish delight . Seducing him with material goodies , trying to convince him to forget his home and stay here and be happy . Don 't miss your father . . . don 't let your heart break over him . . . have another piece of candy . . . I am not treating him any differently than I have the other kids . I have made them all quilts . With the exception of the used iPod , which seemed to be a fairly modest " welcome to the family " present , everything is standard issue for kids in thePosted by Today we went to Pride . Gary spent most of the time with his friend and her moms , which was cool . We saw lots of people that we haven 't seen for months , made a dinner date with some , and introduced Gary . A couple of people said , " Straight ? He 's straight ? How did that happen ? " They were teasing us of course . I spent the day at the agency 's booth telling people who picked up the literature that the agency was really wonderful . Lots of people picked up brochures , but I think only about half of them understood what they were picking up , and most of them were just curious . Half a dozen people were genuinely surprised that they were there . This is , after all , a very red state . We took the Shih Tzu with us and he really was quite good . So good in fact that we are contemplating taking him along with us on our vacation to the cottages - by - the - lake . I think it will be fun to have the dog along , and it will be easier for Andrew who is staying behind to work . Speaking of which . . . Andrew , after several weeks of avoiding turning in job applications , got a call back from one grocery store the day after he turned one in . He has an interview on Monday . The store is open 24 hours and the job in question is night shift : 10pm to 6am . He 's young , he can halndle it . Teenagers stay up all night anyway , right ? The point though is to make money . I 've finished all 64 blocks of Gary 's quilt . Tonight have have begun to sew them together . I will give you a photo when I am done . I went to pick him up at his friend 's and when I got to the neighborhood I called him on his cell . " Hi Yondalla . " " Hi Gary . I 'm here , but I don 't know which door to go to . What 's the number ? " " I don 't know . " " Well , could you put your someone on ? " " Okay . " Then in the background I hear him saying to someone , " My mom wants to talk to you . " Sigh . I just checked . There is no cell phone coverage at the cottages - on - the - lake . So even though I can blog from my phone , I will not be able to . : ( I just put him on the public bus . His friend , the one that lives 10 miles away a distance he was previously enthusiastic about bicycling to , also lives near the bus line . We are literally one block away . It is not a great bus system . A bus comes by every half hour . They both go down the main strip from our town to the Next Town Over ( where the friend lives ) . When it gets to the downtown area of the Next Town it either goes south to the hospital or north to the event center . If he catches the north - bound bus he will get within blocks of her house . If he takes the south - bound bus , as he did today , he has to get off at the library and walk maybe half a mile . He could have put his bike on the rack on the front of the bus , but didn 't . Anyway , it was funny . To me anyway . Teenagers in general are all bravado . When we were making goals with the social worker one of the was to learn the bus system . His attitude then was " no problem . " Today though he was nervous . I walked him to the stop because he was worried that the bus might not really stop . He got on worried about whether he would miss his stop . Would he be allowed to talk to the driver ? Could he ask if this was the stop for the library ? I assured him he could , really . He laughed and said it was like the first day of school all over again . [ Update : I asked him to text me when he got there . He 's there . He 's fine . Once he was riding he wasn 't even nervous . ] - - I also took him to our library to get him a library card . I told them that he had previously had a card at another library in the consortium when he lived " with his other aunt . " The librarian explained nicely that there was a CD that had been checked out a year ago under his name . It hadn 't been returned , and went to collections . Maybe we could contact his aunt and remind her to pay it ? I said , " She 's moved and she really isn 't . . . that just won 't work . Can we take care of it ? " We can , but we have to drive into The City because that is where the CD was from . Technically the library isn 't supposed to let one person pay anotPosted by Gary has a major case of it with respect to Evan . I mean , major . If Evan wants to watch TV , so does Gary . If Evan is cooking dinner , Gary offers to make the salad . If Evan wants to play video games , so does Gary . And Gary wants to play whatever Evan wants to play . " He follows me around constantly ! He 's like a little puppy dog . Do you have any idea how exhausting that is ? " Evan says to me . " Yes . I do . " I reply . " Really ? " " Really . " Today was a day of little things - - like surprise licensing inspections . And getting a plane ticket for Gary to go to Maine . I spent what seemed like an hour on the phone with someone from the airlines . First she checked to see if she could get him on the same flights that we had . She could , but it would be over $ 2000 . The agency will pay for it , but that was just crazy . She kept searching and found him an itinerary for 1 / 3 of the price , and most of the same flights . On the way home we have all the same flight . On the way out we will all be on the same flight to the big hub airport . We will be able to drop him off at his gate where his plane will go straight to our destination . He will hang out at that airport for a couple of hours while we take two puddle jumpers to get there . He 's excited . He texted ( what is the past tense of " text " ? and when did " text " become a verb ? ) his friends , told the boys . He has not flown by himself before . At one point we thought that he was either going to have to have an escort ( for which he is far too old ) or he was going to have to find his own way through huge airports ( which made him very nervous ) . This is just perfect . Just enough independence to be exciting without any real fear of getting lost . We are all a little buzzed because it means that he really , really is going . I also talked to my father about the other trip . He sounded good , by which I mean sober . Really it is quite a relief . He was very surprised that we were going to meet my sister at the airport . It is extra driving for us . He asked why a couple of times and I just said that Sis wanted me to and I said I would . ' Cause really , there is no polite way to say , " Well , Sis is afraid you will get drunk and not show up . " He finally let it go . I think he might have guessed the reason and there is no point in having that conversation . Still , I am hopeful that he will be sober , or at least something close to it , while we are there . And on the good news front : my computer , like a Phoenix has arisen . I didn 't even lose any of the rePosted by which is , of course , when I thought it would be . The family developer has known us a long time though , so I wasn 't too embarrassed about the quilting mess all over the living room AND dining room . Fortunately the bathroom and kitchen were reasonably clean . All the boys coped with us going into their rooms and checking their smoke detectors while they pulled blankets over their heads . Sigh . We also spent some time talking about Frankie . She was as disappointed as I to hear he had been photo - listed . They are thinking about taking him back and placing him with a family that does intensive care . We told her what sort of care he needed . She will make sure the other family is fully informed . I hope that they are able and willing . We spoke also about the school problem . Ug . I don 't want to think about it anymore . In any case , we are relicensed for another year - - based upon the promise that we will put new batteries in the smoke detectors downstairs , add yet another upstairs , and Roland really will sign up for first aid and CPR . We will , and she trusts us . He really is better than a lot of kids about details . I mean he didcall the group home and his last medical provider toget his physicalfaxed to the school . Still , on Thursday when we were in the stores he said that he didn ' tneed anything , and I KNOW I mentioned shoes specifically . Sunday nighthe said that he needed new shoes for practice . Sorry kid . Gotta wait . Roland took him this afternoon and bought him athletic shoes andcleats . This afternoon , after five , he gave us forms to sign . Some wecould ~ like the one excusing him from school when he has games . Others though , like the medical release , we could not . Roland scannedthen and I sent them to the social worker ( agnecy ) . She will contctthe state worker who will hopefully sign . Until then he cannot play . Just one of those little reminders that as a foster parent you are thelegal equivalent of a babysitter . I do hope they sign . He really wants to do this . ( blogged from my phone ! ) Yes . My laptop has died , or at least gone into a coma . It is currently sitting at the IT woman 's desk waiting for her to find time to see if she can fix it , reimage the harddrive , or will have to order me a new one . She says she will not be able to get to it this week , maybe next , and no she does not have a loaner right now . Ugg . . . I am going into withdrawl as I type - - on my husband 's computer . He is pacing around saying , " It 's okay . Take your time . I can wait . " I have very limited web access on my phone . I can only go to those pages that have simplified versions . So I can read blogs on Google Reader , and I can read and respond to email . I cannot , however , visit blogs or comment on them . Sigh . I will try to get on Roland 's computer periodically to stay in touch . I guess I will have to concentrate on quilting . Speaking of quilting , let me respond to the questions some of you asked . ( Skip the rest of this post if you are not interested in making a quilt . ) The book I am using is Log Cabin Quilts : The Ultimate Guide to the Most Popular and Versatile Pattern , by Patricia Cox and Maggi McCormick Gordon . I have not done a review of Log Cabin quilt books , but this is a good one . I would certainly recommend it to novice quilters , and to people who know how to threat a sewing machine and want to teach themselves . It will get you through making the top of the quilt , known as " piecing " to us quilters . Log cabin quilts are also very forgiving . If your blocks come out wrong you can just trim them down a little and keep on going - - just trim all the blocks to the same size . The second stage of quilting is when you put the the layers together . That can be done by hand or machine quilting or tying . If you want to quilt your quilt you really need , I think , a human teacher and a quilting frame of some sort . You can learn to tie your quilt from a book . I generally tie the quilts I make for the kids ' beds . Some people tie with yarn , but I prefer pearl cotton . It is like embroidery floss , only the strands are not meant to be pulled apart . TPosted by I 'm working on Gary 's quilt . I 'm on a log cabin quilt spree , it seems . I showed him the book and he has picked out a design . It is 8 by 8 blocks , which means a total of 64 . I am chain piecing it , which is rather like an assembly line . I 'm doing all 64 blocks at once . It is a faster way to go , but , on the downside , if I make a mistake I will probably make it 64 times . I have decide therefore that there will be no mistakes . By which I mean of course that anything I sew , I will insist was supposed to be that way . I also finally faced up to the fact that I cannot do the mariner 's quilt that I promised Andrew a couple of years ago . I should have started on it last summer . There are just too many curved seams that really need to be done by hand . So I told him to please pick out his second favorite quilt . He could have anything he wanted - - as long as there were no angles sharper than 60 degrees . He started out with the log cabin book and made his own design in three colors . I 'm very excited about it . And that is my exciting day - - Roland took the boys to a movie . I 'm not sure but it sounded like it was about panda bears and some form of martial arts . I declined . I haven 't hugged him . It seems odd to me that I haven 't , although it is probably good and healthy . I think it is part of him being a normal 15 - year - old boy who hasn 't been bounced around in foster care . Also part of living the past year in a group home where touching was strictly regulated . He doesn 't really invite hugs . He will talk about how he is feeling . He shares . I feel like I am getting closer to him , but he also maintains just enough physical distance that it feels inappropriate to hug . I realize now that when he left the group home no one touched him at all . There was one woman in particular who was really attached to him . She told me how happy she was that we were taking him . She said she wanted me to take 50 more . I laughed , but she looked at me like she was wondering if maybe , just maybe , I would be a placement option for more of the boys who needed somewhere to go after here . She said such wonderful things about Gary . She stayed close to us when we were leaving , and leaned against a post looking sad and happy as I drove away . She didn 't even shake his hand though . I told him that I was a hugger and asked him where he stood on hugs . He said he hugged , not a problem . This conversation was not as weird as it might have been , by the way , we were filling out the sexual safety plan . There 's a part where it says , " The sorts of touch that will not confuse me or make me think that someone wants to have sex with me are : ____ " Anyway , I got to write down " hugs . " Still haven 't hugged him though . Not going to worry about it . When I dropped him off at his friend 's the other day she came running up the side walk and gave him a tight hug . He hugged her right back . That was good to see . It seems sad to me that he has lived in a no - touch environment for eleven months . I have started giving him shoulder pats and squeezes . So the Kinship Care Support Worker called last night as she promised to give us the name of the head football coach , and the location of a meeting he was supposed to be at this morning . That meeting turned out to be the end of the school meeting for every friggin teacher , administrator and support person in the district ( I know , ' cause Roland was there ) . HOWEVER , the football team was go to Roland school today , as they did yesterday , to help move everything from the classrooms into the auditorium so that the building could be renovated this summer . So , Roland picked Gary up after the meeting and took him to his school . They chased asked one of the 80 some football players to point out the coach , and Gary made his pitch . Gary is to go to football camp at the high school Monday morning at 8 : 00am . Have I mentioned that I have never watched an entire football game in my whole life ? Now I know that each team is supposed to get the ball to the other end of the field , and that you can carry it across the line or kick it between those big posts , but not kick it over the line - - right ? Is it worth more points to do it one way rather than another ? When we were in the agency social worker 's office she told Gary that the state worker is insisting upon only supervised visits at the department for now . Gary was disappointed , really . He handled it well . I mean that he didn 't try to pretend that he wasn 't really sad , but he also understood that it wasn 't our fault . We sat quietly for a minute or two and let him deal . On the way home he told me that he really didn 't think it was right for the state worker to do that . She and his father just didn 't get along , " like fighting and yelling not getting along . " He said that people were too hard on his dad . His dad was just doing the best that he could to take care of all his kids . Gary was sad because if the only sort of visits he could have were supervised ones then his dad wouldn 't visit him at all . Now , I don 't know that that is true . His dad has been having supervised visits at the group home for a year . His dad said that he wouldn 't accept supervised visits and may have reinforced that with Gary , but I think his dad says a lot of things that he thinks he means at the time . Anyway , Gary said his dad would be really disappointed because he wanted to get to know us . I told Gary that maybe we could all meet his dad at a pizza place for dinner with the agency worker . The state worker might agree to that as a one - time thing and his father wouldn 't feel like it was " supervised " because he would be getting to know all the new people in Gary 's life . Gary thought that might work and we agreed he would be responsible for setting it up . Gary also volunteered that his dad was trying to get custody of his younger children , and that he had asked his dad how he was going to support all those kids on his own . His dad confessed that he just didn 't know . Then Gary said , half sad , half cheerful , " You might be stuck with me a while . " So . . . I got the boys up so that we could leave the house by 9 : 00 . I know , I had been up for three hours , but we are talking about teenage boys here . Anyway , we got into the car and . . . . . . went to a store for a laundry hamper , shampoo , body wash , a plastic basket to hold toiletries , and a lock box . Gary was very pleased that I said that he could have his OWN shampoo and stuff . . . . went to the cell phone place so they could assign Gary a new phone number so that he won 't get any more calls from Frankie 's family . ( He shouldn 't have to deal with that and I 'm not authorized to give them information anyway . ) Then we went to the agency . It is a really friendly place . All of the workers were in the conference room for the Thursday morning staff meeting . The office manager said we could wait in the lobby and I said , " Brian 's been telling Gary about the sodas , can we go to the kitchen ? " She laughed and said yes . We settled down there . Brian got a soda from the frig , and Gary poured himself a cup of coffee . I just had water . We read the paper at the big kitchen table . Then was Gary 's " interview . " It is really just a chance to meet all the staff and for them to meet him . They asked him some questions . He told them that he thought he was going to turn down the summer landscaping job he had lined up because it was 30 miles from the house and the amount he would have to pay me for gas would pretty much eat up what he would make . The family developer said that she knew someone in Our Small Town that also ran a landscaping business and she would call to see if he needed any help . A while later he told them that he wanted to try out for the football team but wasn 't sure how to do that since school was out . The woman who does the kinship care support said that her husband knew the coach at another high school and he could find out ; she would get the information and give us a call . The guy who sets up activities told us about what was going on this summer . Tomorrow they are taking all the kids who are free to explore some caves . They askedPosted by We picked up a ipod for him at a pawn shop * the other day . It is an older 2 - gig Nano , not exactly top of the market , but I wanted him to have something teenager - y . I also didn 't want to make a big deal about it , so I gave it to Brian to give him . Brian reports that he said , " Holy cr * p ! I 've never had anything this expensive . It 's so cool ! " Given the price I paid he may be wrong about that , but that 's okay . Tomorrow I take him to his official " interview " at the agency where he will meet the staff and then sign the papers saying he really wants to be part of the program . Then I take him to the bike shop where the agency has an account for his bike . Probably tomorrow they will just figure out what size he should have . We will have to pick it up another day . We also have to buy a laundry basket , a lockbox , and paint for the trim in his room . The paint I think will have to wait for another day . He also got a call from someone looking for Frankie so we will have his cell number changed too . * * Yes , we are spoiling him rotten . I will have to make clear to him that these things ( except the cell phone ) are his to keep no matter what . I went down to his room a bit ago just to check on him . He has been moving the furniture to suit him , making the space his own . The main objective was to create wall space across from his bed where he can tack up a decorative blanket his dad gave him . He is definitely nesting . - - * It is a new , large , almost - attractive pawn shop . There is no denying that you can get incredible deals there and the electroncs come with a 30 - day guarantee . Still , I find myself wondering if people were just getting rid of things they no longer want , or was did they sell in order to buy groceries . It is difficult not to feel just a bit like a vulture there . * * I don 't have current information about Frankie to give the person who called and in any case Gary shouldn 't have to deal with that . I went to the graduation ceremony . Andrew and Brian went along , but they were not allowed in because of issues of confidentiality . Deeply disappointed they took the car keys and went out for shakes or whatever they wanted . They called it a graduation , but it like a normal graduation . It was only him , for one . There are about 12 boys in the house at any given time and not everyone who leaves " graduates . " Some put in their time and go having not completed the program and others leave for more secure facilities having gotten into trouble . Every now and then though there is a kid like Gary who completes the program , and he gets a graduation . It starts with the boys and staff sitting around in a big circle . Everyone shares their hopes and fears for Gary . It was very informative for me . I found out that the most common fear his peers had for him was that he would get upset about something and shut down , possibly making a small problem into a big one . Their hopes were more diverse : that he finish high school ; become a famous chef ; finish high school early ; get to live in Hawaii with his dad ( after finishing high school ) . These young men are very focused on the importance of finishing high school . The staff 's fears were more along the lines of him trying to grow up to quickly , not taking time to enjoy being fifteen , and not asking for help when he had a problem . Then he got the a framed certificate , a brownie , and a chance to carve " his mark " on the large tree stump in the back yard . And then I took him home . Gary called . " My graduation is at 3 : 00 . " " Cool . You want us to be there ? " " Yeah . ' Cause right after I am leaving . " Alrighty then . The agency worker emailed me after talking with the state worker . This is where things stand : In order to get custody Gary 's dad would need to have the divorce finalized , have a job and a home , take parenting classes , and show stability which in her mind means 6 months of living in one place . For the foreseeable future , she insists that all visits be supervised at the department . He is not to come to our home or call our house phone . He may call Gary on his cell phone . This is apparently not because he is a danger , but that he can be ornery , loud , and irritable when he doesn 't get his way and she doesn 't want for us to have to listen to it . The next permanency hearing is at the end of summer , and the most that could happen then would be that the judge would approve a reunification plan . Whether he does would depend upon whether he had actually done anything , which she doubts he will . I have so many different emotions , it is difficult to sort them out . Relief is certainly one of them , but so is sadness for Gary . No matter what happens he is not going to get to move in with his dad before school starts . He may not get it at all . The agency social worker says that everyone who knows his dad is skeptical that he will carry through on this plan . Gary may get his heart broken and I get no pleasure from that . I am also anxious about how his dad will respond to these restrictions . He said before that he would " not accept " supervised visitation . I 'm not sure what that means . The state worker thinks that he might refuse to visit Gary under those circumstances and that if he does it would significantly lengthen the reunification process . . . if it happens at all . Part of me wonders if this isn 't over - kill . Do they really think that it isn 't safe for Gary to go to lunch with his dad ? Do they think he will drive off with him ? Really ? They can 't be too worried about what he might say to Gary , as they see no reason to restrict their cell phone conversations . I don 't think there is any reason to be worried that his dad would physically hPosted by Gary that is . He is out of his room to enjoy the amount of time he is allowed to play on electronic games , and he shows for meals . He comes right up and does a chore whenever asked . When he is with one of us he is friendly and engaging . It is easy to get him talking about his life . But if you don 't put any energy into it he will drift off to his room to read , sleep , and drain the batteries on the cell phone . I checked our usage this morning and then again a bit ago , just to see . He has put 100 minutes on the phone this afternoon . Over the weekend he has sent or received almost 80 text / pix messages . I almost told him , when he came to the kitchen to get a piece of pizza , that I would like for him to spend some more time out of his room - - other than meals and gaming time . I didn 't though . He started talking first telling me how cool it was to be able to talk to his girlfriend for the first time in eleven months , laughingly complained that his thumbs were sore from texting . He said he had been up most of the night finishing Eragon and now he is trying to get through Antwoine Fisher . And " I 'm leaving most of my stuff here . I 'm just going to take my whites back because I won 't have enough otherwise . " He was so happy . Kids isolating themselves can be an indicator of depression or other problems , but I think he is just having a ball . He loves being able to go to his room ( his own room ! ) in the middle of the afternoon . He loves being able to talk to his friend , having a cell phone . This morning he told me that he called his dad last night ( " because I can ! " ) and that his dad was really sad , he might have even been crying . " All of this , " meaning the divorce and separation from his kids is " so hard on him . I think he was crying . I haven 't ever heard him cry before . " Gary told me that it has always been hard on his dad to not be able to live with all his kids . " Most people are really critical of him for not living with me . " I told him that I wasn 't , that I had a lot of sympathy for his dad . Having to choose which of your kids to Posted by Daughter , sister , wife , mother , foster - parent blog writer , philosophy professor . . . I am and have been many things . These days my identities as a teacher of bioethics and the daughter of a woman with Parkinson 's and dementia lead me to agree with Peter Singer , " It 's different when it 's your mother . "
|
Last night Megan , Julie and I were in the kitchen doing some cooking and Carly wandered in . I opened the refrigerator door to grab something off the top shelf and didn 't notice Carly had gotten into the bottom . A few seconds later I heard Megan gasp and then start laughing . I turned around to look and Carly had made it a few feet from the refrigerator and then tripped and fallen flat with an egg in her hand . The egg had cracked and was smushed all over the floor and Carly had the most confused look on her face . She has had this intrigue with eggs now for months . The egg basket in our fridge is on the very bottom of the door and to Carly , I know , all these little white eggs look like little white balls . For a long time she tried to grab them every time we opened the door so we started keeping the eggs in their cartons up higher so we didn 't have the problem . But when the holidays came and we started putting more food in the fridge I put them back at the bottom and I didn 't realize she had noticed them . Oh well , guess I have egg on my . . . FLOOR . Carly 's hair is finally long enough that we can put it up in a couple of small ponytails or " puffs " as they are called . We have been doing this hairdo on her for almost a week now and I can 't believe the difference it makes in how old she looks to me . It changes her from a baby to a little girl . I kind of want to put her little ' fro back in and tie a bow around her hair . It 's kind of hard to have her grow up so quickly - - although she is awfully darn cute ! We took one of our Christmas trees down today - - the one we put our wooden toy soldiers in front of and all the presents under . When Carly went down for a nap the tree was still up and when she woke up it had been taken down . All that was left in the spot where it had been were the six toy soldiers our friend Joyce had made to represent each child in our family . Although , she didn 't seem to notice them . Carly said , " Mom , tree , gone . " I said , " Yes , we took it down and put it away . " She seemed to accept that and I didn 't think anymore about it for awhile . Later I was in the kitchen doing something and I heard her talking to someone in the living room - - I mean talking like she was actually having a conversation . I turned around to look and she was having her own little conversation with the toy soldiers . I almost laughed outloud . I probably would have except I didn 't want to interrupt the conversation or embarrass her . Now , mind you , I couldn 't understand what they were talking about . Lol ! I have a such an adorable and interesting child ! Posted by Julie is still out of school for Christmas break and I 'm glad . It gives me some help to get things back in order from the holiday rigamarole . She and I cleaned and sorted and put things away today . We took out the trash and wow , do we make a lot of trash ! We cut up all the boxes we got things in for Christmas so we could fit them in the trash . We were busy beavers and still we didn 't get everything done . We still have the tree up - - well , both of them actually . We had planned to take one of them down and leave the other up until New Year 's but didn 't even manage to get one down . Guess that happens when you have a munchkin or two running around - - not geting your list of things done , that is . Grandma managed to make it out to exchange a few things today and even do a little shopping . I think she got her fill of standing in lines , though . She was pretty worn out when she got home . I refuse to stand in lines . If I have to exchange anything I wait until a few weeks after the holiday when no one cares anymore and the lines are gone . They would pretty much have to be bread lines to get me to stand in them . There 's nothing I want that bad ( at least that I can think of at the moment : } . I didn 't even leave the house until almost 8 : 00 p . m . and it was probably a good thing . It was only 10 degrees outside . I just had a quick errand and I was glad to get back inside where it was warm . I sound terribly boring tonight . Jonathon and I are both leaning against pillows having a staring contest to see who falls asleep first . I think I need to let him win this one . Darn . Night . Went to visit Rob 's parents today . They are about an hour away from us . We took them their Christmas . Carly is trying to assimilate in her mind what it means to have two Grandma 's and two Grandpa 's . It was the first time she really thought about it today I think . She 's really becoming verbal and she had to stop and think before she called Rob 's mom Grandma because she 's been calling my mom Grandma . She just looked at her for a long time and we were encouraging her to call her Grandma but she just stared at her . She 's done it before . Finally , I explained to her by saying each Grandma and Grandpa 's names with their last name attached and she finally got it . Then she just called her Grandma . It was kind of neat to watch her brain work on it . Dad stayed downstairs again today but he did get up and walk around so I think he is doing a bit better . I think we will be able to get him into the doctor tomorrow . I know we are all exausted from the rush of the holidays . Maybe that is some of it for him , too . Sara left to go back to her college town today . Carly was not happy about that . Sara has definitely been the flavor of the week . Carly has loved walking around saying Sara 's name over and over and over and over ! Plus , she loved having her here . She cried any time Sara left the house . Hopefully she will be back to visit in February . Julie has another week off of school . Rob and Megan are jealous because they have to go back to work tomorrow . Well , that 's about all the news for today . Love ya , : ) It 's almost midnight and Rob just looked at me and said , " Done your blog yet ? " Oops ! I am just mindlessly surfing the web when I should be sleeping . I am so tired and yet , I can 't seem to fall asleep but I had honestly forgotten to blog . Silly girl ! Grandpa hasn 't been getting around very well the last couple of days . His good leg ( which is his bad leg ) has been giving him trouble . He 's been having some muscle spasms in it and some weakness . Hopefully , he just needs some physical therapy on it and it will be temporary . I spent a good part of the day writing Christmas cards . Yes , that 's what I said . I am slow but sure . I don 't get very many out and the ones I do usually get there in the new year . Aren 't I cute ? Generally the people who send me cards are the ones who get them back . I try to be more proactive than that but it just never works out . ( Did I just say I was lazy or busy ? hmmm . ) Well , better get some sleep before time for church . Night . Silly me , I didn 't take any pictures today . We had the video camera running so I didn 't take any stills . Just lazy I guess . We had a happy day . Carly was funny opening presents . She would open one and the want to just open and play with that one . It took some convincing to get her to move to the next present . Finally , the other girls had to finish opening her packages for her . She had no interest in them until she saw what was in them . Kind of crazy . Sara , Megan and Julie enjoyed themselves too . Jonathon was the only observer . He seemed fine with that , though . Next year he will probably be a bit more interested . My parents seemed to have a good day , too . Rob 's brother Steve came over with his kids and had their Christmas with us , too . Rob and I had fun watching everyone open their presents and enjoy each other . It 's been a great day . Now , time for beddy bye . Hope you had a wonderful Christmas ! My Dad pulled a good one on my Mom today . He surprised her for her birthday which is December 24th . ( Maybe the biggest surprise is that he planned something way in advance for her birthday ! ) Ummmm , don 't tell him I said that . Actually , I think most men are that way . For several weeks he has connived and planned with each of us girls to arrange a surprise birthday party . He wanted to have a luncheon with all of her kids and grandkids in the same place for her big day . We managed to pull it off today sans one kid who had a mandatory athletic practice and the best part was Grandma was truly surprised . It probably helped that we did it the day before her actual birthday . It was great to see her face when she saw everyone there . Especially , when she didn 't think Sarah and her family were even in the state . Yah , it was pretty great . Happy day ! Oh , by the way Mom . Happy Birthday . I love you , Nancy Dad had a test at the cardiologist today . This doctor has been working with him on some things and the test showed tons of improvement ! His heart is a lot stronger AND they OK 'd him for his knee surgery in February ! Yay ! Thanks for all the prayers you have sent our way . Please keep them coming . We need all the help we can get ! I went to Sam 's Club today to order Grandma 's birthday cake . I had Carly with me and she was sitting in the cart while I was writing out the order for the cake . Trouble is she was sitting right next to the display of cakes that were for sale . I didn 't think much about it at the time . While I was writing out the order she was doing her usual chattering to which I respond without doing a lot of thinking , i . e . , " Cakes mommy ! " , " Yes , Pretty aren 't they ? " Well , I finished the order and turned it in and then turned and started pushing the cart away from the cake area . Holy Toledo ! My 22 month old popped a cork ! " NO MOMMY ! CAKE ! GET A CAKE ! I tried to explain to her that we had just ordered one and would pick it up in a few days . . . but it sounded like this to her 22 month old ears : " BLAH , BLAH , BLAH , NO CAKE FOR YOU ! YOU CAN NEVER HAVE CAKE AGAIN ! BLAH , BLAH , BLAH ! " In other words she threw a screaming mimi tantrum and the only words I could understand were " need " , " get " and " cake " . It took a few minutes but once I got her out of the cake section and got her mind on other things she calmed down . It occurs to me that I think I 've created a sugar monster - - at the very least a cake monster . I 'm in trouble . Rob and I spent Saturday trying to finish up the Christmas shopping . Think we got most of it done . Went to the viewing of one of my friend 's fathers tonight who died really suddenly . He was only 67 and was apparently really athletic and healthy right up until he had this fatal heart attack . I guess you just never know when it 's going to be your time . We had a really nice visit with my friend and her husband and got to meet their three boys for the first time . They are really cute . We took Carly and Julie with us and they were pretty impressed with our beautiful girls . Bubby had to stay home with Grandma and Grandpa since his immune system is still so at risk . Not to mention he is still sick right now - - so I don 't want him to give anyone else the crud he has either . Took Carly to see her first Christmas lights on the way home . She was so cute . She kept saying , " Awesome " over and over . Saw on one of my cousin 's status last night on Facebook that another of my cousin 's - - Lana , is in the hospital with gall bladder problems . Apparently , her sugar level is pretty high , too because of the gall bladder so they are trying to stabilize the sugar level before they handle the gall bladder . They still think they will have her home by Christmas . Prayers would be much appreciated . Well , that 's all for now folks . Take care . I was in the kitchen doing something this morning when my little munchkin ran in and said , " Mommy , I need cake ! " I couldn 't decide whether to be excited that she had just said a brand new sentence very clearly and actually new what it meant or be concerned that my 22 month old wanted ( excuse me " needed " ) chocolate cake for breakfast . Oh , who am I kidding - - my Dad taught me to eat chocolate cake for breakfast like it was cereal . By that , I mean pouring milk over it in a bowl and eating it with a spoon . So , Carly and I sat down and had a bowl of chocolate cake cereal together . After all , she needed it ! Today was a really good day . We had a great appointment with the cardiologist . We really liked him a lot and things look pretty good . He ordered some tests to determine if things look good enough to go ahead with Dad 's knee surgery scheduled for February . We should know what that looks like soon but it does seem hopeful . Rob and I took Jonathon to visit some friends who hadn 't met him yet tonight . That was fun . Unfortunately , there are lots of our friends and even family members who haven 't met him yet . His preemie immune system causes us to be careful about taking him into crowds and places where there are other small children who may have coughs or colds . One day he will get to meet everybody . In the meantime , we will take lots of pictures and post them . Um , but not tonight . This mom 's only had 2 1 / 2 hours of sleep today since he didn 't let me go to sleep until almost 4 a . m - - Maybe tomorrow . Today ( it 's still Thursday to me even though it 's 3 : 45 a . m . because I haven 't finished this blog yet ) has been a long day and I 'd like to say I got a lot done but I can 't remember what I did before noon . That could be a product of sleep deprivation and not just old age speaking , couldn 't it ? Seriously , couldn 't it ? Everyday I get up with a list of things that have to be done . Cleaning the house is always on it . At least straightening it and putting things away - - I 'll settle for that . No , scratch that - - something else just got priority . Probably a naked toddler running through the house with something breakable . OK , what 's next on the list . Does it matter . Something else I wasn 't planning on will take it 's place . What happened to my 80 / 20 rule . I think they call it being a mom to a toddler and a baby at the same time . Do you think I will ever figure it out and get organized ? I sure hope so ! Oh , so look at that . I did it again . Got off my list and my topic . We are off to see one of Dad 's doctor 's today ( I 'm almost done so this today is for Friday ) . This is an important one . Keep us in your prayers . He doesn 't need a new heart - - just a good one . Well - - he already has a really good one - - but you know what I mean . Wizard , here we come ! Jonathon was so happy when the mail came today he wet his diaper ! Or was that me ? I can 't remember . Lol ! We are so happy and excited at our house ! You might remember a month or so ago when I posted a picture of Jonathon with a bunch of adorable wooden soldiers with a caption that said " What 's wrong with this picture ? " Well , of course Jonathon was really sad in the picture because there was a wooden soldier for all of the girls in the family but not one for him . He had found them all and felt really bad because he couldn 't find his . ( You can roll your eyes at me here and say " Crazy Mama ! ) Anyway , these wooden soldiers are precious collector 's items because they were made by a wonderful , whimsical artist named Joyce who has been a friend of our family since long before I was born . She always made my childhood holidays magical by painting the windows of all the stores downtown with glorious holiday scenes . It was the most fun place to go - - so full of life and wonder ! She is simply amazing and has talent that flows from every pore . This time , though , she pulled off a Christmas miracle because I found out after I asked her ( see : emotionally coerced ) if she could make one for Jonathon that she had retired and thrown out all of her patterns and paints . ( J & L - - I owe you BIG ! See : HUGE , XXXL , EL GRANDE . ) I just want everyone to see how much Jonathon loved his wooden soldier . He was so happy when we opened it he started dancing and singing ! Too bad we didn 't get it on the camcorder ! Darn ! Here are some stills , though ! See how big I am now ? Sweet Joyce did not leave Carly out . How thoughtful ! Thank you ! Carly loves her Raggedy Ann ! She is a little camera shy these days . When she gets embarrassed she closes her eyes and thinks we can 't see her anymore . Hmmm . Maybe she 's right - - too bad the camera still can , Miss Raggedy , Raggedy , Raggedy Carly ! Thank you , thank you , thank you ! We love you ! Wow , today has been no fun at all and that means starting today from midnight on . Jonathon or Jon - uh - non as Carly calls him has been one miserable little boy . He has been coughing and weezing and really having labored breathing . I think I slept an hour while he was asleep on my chest . Rob didn 't sleep at all . We gave him breathing treatments and everything and nothing seemed to make it better . This morning we finally took him to the ER since we know our doctors would just tell us to give him breathing treatments or send us to the ER . We spent most of the day there with them giving him X - rays and breathing treatments , suctioning out his nose , sending off tests , etc . It looked for awhile like they might keep him overnight but his chest X - rays came back clear so they let us bring him home . There is still a possibility he could have a viral pneumonia that the X - rays don 't pick up but the tests they sent off should tell us whether he has anything serious going on or not . Luckily , he was doing better enough that we have him at home . I will keep you posted on how things go . I can 't remember if I 've told you this before or not . If I have , oh well . Carly can 't stand to have anyone close a door on her - - especially a bathroom door . She will stand outside the door and pound on it and plead to be let in . She will cry and whine and try the door and give you absolutely no peace until you come out or give in and allow her to come in . I 've gotten to the point where I don 't even bother to close our bathroom door anymore . Of course , our bathroom is in our bedroom so it 's a little bit protected from the rest of the house . But , I don 't close the door very often because even if she doesn 't see me leave to go the bathroom she seems to have a sixth sense about it and shows up not long after I go in . Of course , when I did use to close the door , she would always wait to show up until I was seated and then bang and scream for what seemed like an eternity . Her timing was so frustrating it just wasn 't worth it . She has a brand new thing now . She learned the word " up " some time ago for when she wanted help climbing up the stairs or wanted you to pick her up . Grandma has taught her to add the word please to that . So , now her favorite phrase is " Up peas " . She used to come straight in to the bathroom and pat my bum when I was sitting and say " Mommy 's bum " and just laugh . Now she comes in immediately turns her back to me and backs up and says " Up peas . I say " No , not up peas . Mommy busy . " She repeats , " Up peas " with more urgency and we go back and forth until one of us gives up or gives in . ( Guess who wins most of the time ? : } , Yah , not me . lol ! ) Well , I just learned from others in the house ( who don 't and really can 't leave the bathroom door open for matters of decorum ) that Carly has learned to open the childproof locks on the doors and just walk right in . In fact , she has surprised them right in the middle of their bathroom breaks ! " Up Peas ! " Lol ! I say this is crazy ! She is not even two years old yet . Why can she outwit a child proof door lock ? What age child was this lock made to proof ? Surely it was suppoPosted by Hey , we might as well sing about it - - not like we can control it . Just saw the weather and they said that minimum by Sunday we will have between 2 - 5 inches on the ground and it could be more . The benches could have 6 - 12 inches and the mountains are supposed to get 12 - 24 inches . It 's supposed to start tomorrow afternoon and keep snowing into Sunday . Sounds like a fun weekend ! It never really bothers me when it snows . I like the change of seasons and I especially love snow on the ground at Christmas time . My kids ( older ones ) on the other hand get cranky about it . I thought kids were supposed to like snow . They never have . Whine , whine , whine . It gets old . I say , if it 's going to happen anyway you might as well enjoy it ! This is the first year Carly has really seen snow and she loves it . We haven 't really had any snow of substance yet that she can get out in and learn how to build a snowman . I can 't wait to see her do that . Hopefully , this weekend there will be enough to see her enjoy doing something fun in it . Grandma and I went and did some more Christmas shopping this afternoon . Just a few quick things . Slowly but surely we are knocking things off our list . Well , Grandma is much farther ahead than I am . Not that it 's a race but if it were she 'd be winning . lol ! I made a scrumptious dinner tonight ; swiss steak and homemade mashed potatoes . It was delish ! Sad thing was Rob ended up having to work late enough that he had to just grab a quick McDonalds . What a drag . Good thing there are leftovers . Did you hear that ? Yah , me too . It 's chocolate calling my name . I can 't tell which direction it 's coming from . I 'd better go investigate . Talk to you later . O . K , maybe not exactly frightful , but it 's pretty durn cold ! It got down to 13 degrees today and that was without the windchill factor added in . Sure doesn 't make a girl want to spend any time outside . Although , Mom and I still had to brave the cold and the snow on the ground and go do a little Christmas shopping . We art tackling it a little bit each day . She is much further along than I am . I 've decided to do the last minute panick . Until then , I am going to remain calm and rather unbothered by my " Icouldcareless " attitude about shopping . I figure whatever I get done before then I get done ; whatever I don 't I don 't . I know I can always panic about it at the last minute ! Crazy eh ? Yah , that 's what I think but then , I couldn 't care less right now . : } So , the last week or so I have been experimenting with putting Carly in her pajamas backwards and I have to say it has been 100 percent successful . She cannot unzip them from behind - - meaning she cannot get her behind out of her diaper and cause problems in her bed before everyone wakes up ! Yay ! Trouble is - - I don 't keep her in her P . J . 's all day . Thus , we still have to figure out how to overcome " Naked Bum Naptimes ! We are open to suggestions ! ( Uh , no handcuffs , please . She 'd just get out of them ! ) Lol ! If that 's true then why have I spent two days in bed with a migraine ? Don 't worry , nothing serious . Probably just a little too much stress and a little too little sleep . I am all recovered . We have snow on the ground . It 's actually pretty outside and I 'm not complaining . I like the snow . It is a bit cold . It got down to 12 degrees tonight - - although it felt warmer than that to me . It wasn 't really biting cold . I guess it was because it didn 't have the wind chill with it . We have most of our Christmas shopping done . Still little bits and pieces to do - - but none to mail this year ! Yay ! Everybody is here . That is nice . Jonathon kept me up until 3 : 40 a . m . this morning . It 's only 11 : 45 and he 's asleep so I am going to hurry and finish this so I can join him . Hopefully , he will stay that way until morning . You should hear Carly talk these days . She 's a bundle of new language . It 's so cute . Grandma is trying to teach her the proper way to say things . Some times she actually gets it right and some times she only gets some of it . She is one funny kid . You 'd have to actually overhear a conversation to get what I mean but let 's just call her Princess Chatterbox for now . Well , better get to bed . Night . Jonathon is just starting to really show us his personality and he is so darn cute ! He has always been a happy little guy but it is fun to see him smile and laugh . He talked and cooed to Grandpa for quite awhile tonight . He is so fun ! Posted by Can you believe this ? My daughter , the child with the best smile in the whole world who would not smile for the camera ? ! Go figure . I guess it 's lucky she wasn 't scowling or crying . Still , it 's a cute shot . She 's such a funny kid ! Grandma has been getting her up in the mornings the last little bit because Jonathon has been keeping me up until the wee hours . This morning when Grandma opened her bedroom door she again found her completely disrobed only this time she had hucked her diaper clear across the room . When I went to lay her down for a nap later I found that not only had she disrobed and thrown her diaper but she had then relieved herself afterward in her crib . Yep , sopping wet ! Guess I should be thankful it was just wet ! That 's my girl ! Wow ! Wasn 't it just yesterday you were eleven ? Where does the time go ? You are growing up much too fast for me . Happy Birthday Baby Girl ! You are beautiful and I love you . Mom For some reason we cannot seem to get everybody healthy at our house . We had Bubby ( that 's my current nickname for Jonathon . It changes fairly frequently . ) back at the doctor Friday night . Then they sent us over to the hospital to have his nose cleaned out and a viral scan done . It came back today and thank goodness he only has the Rhino Virus . That 's one of the viruses that causes the common cold . Still it causes tons of nasal congestion , difficulty breathing , a sore throat , etc . When we got to the doctor 's office with him Friday night his oxygen level was lower than it should have been so they gave him a breathing treatment and that brought it back up immediately . We have had him on those ever since . Poor little guy still sounds bad . He is so congested . Grandma has severe Bronchitis . Grandpa just hurts all over . Julie 's got a sore throat and a bit of a cold . I am starting to catch Julie and Bubby 's junk and poor Rob had some kind of reaction to the mixed nuts we got for Thanksgiving . It 's almost like he 's had food poisoning only no one else got it . I think maybe he 's become allergic to nuts . Needless to say - - no one left the house for church today . It has been fairly low key here with everyone just trying to feel better . Hopefully we will accomplish that soon . You won 't believe what it took to get this picture . In fact , I can 't believe Carly is smiling even a little bit . The photograper caught her between sobs . She was acting like she hadn 't had a nap in days . She played shy and hid her face at first and then started to cry uncontrollably . It was awful . We were lucky to get as good a shot as we did . We were all singing her favorite songs to her . Even the photographer was singing . She blew bubbles , too . We all did everything we could think of to make her laugh or smile but no such luck . Jonathon didn 't feel good either . Poor little guy . Oh well . It 's a wrap . Say Cheese ! There is so much to be grateful for . I look around and see my beautiful children , my handsome husband , my wonderful parents and siblings . I am so blessed to live in such a wonderful time and place with so many loving family members and friends . I am grateful for a loving Father in Heaven , for my Savior Jesus Christ , for my freedom and liberty and especially for those who serve daily to allow us to stay free in this country . I have so many blessings to be thankful for on this Thanksgiving Day - - and I am . May you have a wonderful and blessed holiday . Thank goodness for whomever discovered you could help calm a colicky baby by warming his blankets in the dryer . It really is an amazing miracle . One minute you have a screaming , upset baby ; the next you have tightly wrapped him in warm blankets and he drifts calmly off to sleep . Thank you , thank you . Maybe I can sleep now , too . : ) Spent most of the day holding Jonathon . His tummy has been upset and he doesn 't want you to sit down ; he wants you to stand up or walk around while you hold him . My arms are so sore . My little guy is about 12 pounds now so he 's no light weight to tote around . We got a call from our daughter Sara tonight . Her college dance team competed in a competition and they took the national title in the division they competed in . We 're really proud of her . She 's a very talented dancer . Other than that , we have just been cleaning , sorting through boxes and organizing things and getting things ready for Thanksgiving . Rob and I did a tiny bit of shopping tonight but we were both too tired to do much . Nothing really exciting happening here . Everybody is in bed now but me . Guess I had better get there while the getting is good . lol . Was a really nice day . We had great church meetings and the kids were really good . Well , that is until we went to pick Carly up from her nursery class and she had a complete meltdown . Get this , all the kids were gone . She was the last one there to be picked up . It was just her and teacher . The toys had been put away and so had the snacks and she still was not ready to go home . Total tantrum . My poor little socialite . She just doesn 't get enough " friend " time . Then we came home and Mom , Julie and reorganized some of the kitchen cabinets so we could fit thinks in better . It looks a lot nicer , too . Then we made Lasagne and homemade rolls for dinner . Megan and Uncle Steve and the kids came over . We watched a game or two ( don 't know which ones because I wasn 't paying attention ) and had some nice family time . Then everyone went to bed . Think I will go join them . Night . Potty - trained . I think maybe Carly is giving me hints . Maybe they aren 't even hints but giant messages ! Everytime I got her out of bed today ( naps included ) she had removed her pants and diaper . Either she has naked baby syndrome or she is ready to go diaperless . I 'm just wondering if a 21 month old can grasp the concept of " going on the big potty . " I have approached the idea with her a few times and even let her sit on the throne a couple of times to get the feel of it ( with no outcome ) . Pun intended . I 'm just not sure what to make of the her need to be naked , at least from the waist down , if she isn 't ready to potty train . And if she isn 't , and I can 't talk her into keeping her diaper on , I am going to need a case or two of duct tape . Santa , did you hear that ? Lately it has been a huge deal to Carly to pick out what she wears each day . She has also started a new habit of undressing herself . Unfortunately , this part of the equation has been occurring before the rest of us wake up in the morning . So , upon entering her room we sometimes find a naked little girl in her crib . We have tried safety pins , diaper pins - - pretty much everything except duct tape and handcuffs to keep her p . j . 's on her . The only thing we haven 't tried is putting them on backwards . Someone suggested that to me - - and said it works . I just can 't figure out how the feet part would work . Seems like they wouldn 't fit . But like I said I haven 't tried it yet . Anyway , when I found my cute little Lady Godiva this morning she was very excited to pick something from her closet to wear . I showed her several things and was sure she was about to pick out one of her cute dresses . Then all of the sudden her eyes landed on something that wasn 't an outfit at all . Instead , it was a costume the neighbors gave us because their kids outgrew it . I hadn 't even let Carly try it on yet because it looked too big for her this year . But , she decided that 's what she was going to wear today and that was the end of the discussion . Holy Moly . Are you serious , child ? Oh yah , she was ! So without further ado - - here 's my little bunny girl in her Thursday outfit ! LOL ! Gotta love her ! She 's an independent spirit that 's for sure ! ( Oh yah - - and she wouldn 't pose for me so I just had to snap a few photos . That 's why they aren 't that great . ) What you can accomplish when you 've had a night 's sleep ! I 'd forgotten what it was like to sleep through the night . It felt so wonderful albeit a little weird . I did wake up every few hours and glance at the clock and then at the cradle to make sure I wasn 't imagining things . Sure enough , he was still asleep and I wasn 't dreaming . Yippee ! Today we went to Dad 's knee surgeon to check things out and had a really great appointment . They took an X - Ray of his knee and we got to look at it and boy , does he have a reason to be in pain . It 's really bad ! No cartilage left and lots of arthritis . We set a tentative date for surgery and we 'll see where things go from there . Here 's to hoping tonight is another night like last night 's ! I don 't believe it . Jonathon fell asleep around 11 : 30 p . m . which isn 't unusal . But he usually only naps for about 20 minutes and then wakes up in that Colicky crying for the next hour to three hours . Well , last night instead of staying up and blogging during his nap I put him to bed and decided to go to bed myself , I figured I would get up with him as soon as he woke up hurting . Well , here 's the big surprise - - he didn 't wake up until 5 : 10 a . m . ! No way ! Plus he 's a big smiley guy this morning . I love it ! Mama is a happy camper ! I am crediting the new formula we started him on . Yay ! The newest fun at our house is getting Carly to repeat the things you say . Sometimes it 's on purpose and sometimes it just happens . Her sisters have the most fun getting her to say the slang of the day like " Wassup " and " Wass Happnin ' " and " You go girl . " Then there are those moments when you are not thinking at all about teaching her a new word but something frustrating happens and you say " Dang it " ( which is about as bad as I get these days ) and you don 't realize she 's there until you hear this tiny little " dang it " right behind you . Arrghh ! Gotta watch myself ! I 'm raising a little person and she is a parrot . She mimics everything she hears right now . Hey , maybe I 'm saying all the wrong things out loud . Tomorrow I 'm starting with a new outloud mantra . Mommy is smart . Mommy is pretty . Mommy is cool . I love Mommy . Mommy is my favorite parent , Mommy is a genius . . . I caught this photo the other day when my mom told me to look and see where Carly was . Sure enough she had climbed into Grandpa 's lap . She likes her Grandpa , alright ! She 's building a pretty special bond with her Grandma and Grandpa and I have a front row seat . I love it ! Carly is still reverting a little bit back to her babyhood . Here she is trying to fit into her old baby carrier ( the one that now belongs to Jonathon - - no jealously here folks . Lol ! ) I think she 's a little depressed that it doesn 't fit as well as it used to . Hee , hee , hee . Seems like I spent the day at the doctor 's office and the pharmacy . We 're still working on Jonathon 's reflux . Well , nothing 's working on Jonathon 's reflux so far so we had to go back to the drawing board today . We are now trying a new formula , going back to the first med but with a higher dose and doing some tests to make sure he isn 't allergic to milk . My doctor thinks he has at least two issues going on : Reflux and colic . The colic is what is making him scream in pain for a couple of hours at night . Unfortunately , there isn 't a lot we can do for the colic but hopefully changing the formula will help some . And we are going to cross our fingers that something starts to work on the reflux . Lots of prayers please friends . Our little guy needs to start feeling better . Then , I ended up back at the doctor 's office with Julie because she had a pain in her side . It had been hurting for a couple of days but got really bad today . No , it wasn 't appendicitis - - wrong side . Turned out to be Costochondritis - an inflammation of her ribs . So , she is on the take it easy plan for the next ten days . Let 's face it - - we are a house of sickies . Gee Whiz we are going on our 6th or 7th week of someone in the house being ill . That 's just yukky . It 's time for us to be well . It 's our turn - - don 't ya think ? ! Grandma was making an apple pie tonight and some pie dough cookies with the left over pie dough . She was sprinkling cinnamon and sugar on the cookies before she baked them and Carly was watching every move she made . Grandma had made the same cookies last week when she baked some other pies so , I think Carly was pretty excited to have some more cookies . I walked by a few minutes later and saw Carly with the cinnamon and sugar shaker and Grandma was right there so I didn 't think much of it . I figured Grandma had emptied it doing the cookies and was letting Carly hold it . What is it they say about making ASSUMPTIONS ? Oh yah , nevermind . I should have asked more questions . The next time I turned around I saw Carly playfully shaking cinnamon and sugar all over the kithen floor as she delightfully danced around in it . She looked shocked when I screamed her name . I mean , what in the world could I want . She knew I had seen her with it and not said anything and she was just having fun , right ? I took the shaker away from her but that didn 't bother her much she just kept dancing her naked feet all over the floor . It didn 't matter how many times I told her " NO " or in what tone she loved the feel of the sugar on her feet and she danced away . I had to pick her up and move her . I went to get a vacuum and came back to find my dogs cleaning it up with their tongues for Carly back in the middle of it all dancing again . By this time - - you can imagine , it was a real sticky , yukky mess . All I can say is - - Man , it 's a good thing this little girl is so darn cute ! I 'm sitting in my recliner with the most handsome baby boy sound asleep on my chest . Does it get any better than this ? I love this little guy so much . He had a really hard night last night . It was almost 5 a . m . before he really fell asleep . His tummy was acting up so much . Poor little guy . He has projectile vomiting down for sure - - at least he did last night . I am hoping he will get a good night 's sleep tonight . He did keep most of this last bottle down - - so here 's hoping ! He is getting more alert everyday . Yesterday , I got a big smile out of him twice when I was talking to him and being playful with him . He is such an adorable little boy . He certainly has me wrapped around his finger . Well better see if I can lay him down and keep him asleep . Cross your fingers ! For some time now I 've been telling you of Carly 's love for commercials and the music behind them . It 's really something you have to experience with her to truly understand . It wasn 't until this evening that I was able to put into words what they are for her . We left the TV on during dinner because we were eating late and we wanted to keep up with Dancing with the Stars . During the shows breaks Carly would get distracted from her dinner with each new commercial . It was really obvious and someone commented on it . We realized it was because the music would change . It wasn 't the music of the show but the music underlying each commercial . Then it hit me . The commercials are like her own personal , free Jukebox ! That 's why she loves them so much . They are on constantly , change often and they are fun and free . What more could a girl ask ? ! Carly has been having mood swings . I mean she can go from happy to major melt down faster than a speeding locomotive can jump the tracks . She has the biggest tears of anyone I 've ever met and before her tears are halfway down her face she is giggling and laughing again . It would be a lot cuter if it weren 't so constant . Is this the preview to the terrible twos ? Happy . Sad . Happy . Sad . Happy . Sad . Happy . Sad . Oh my goodness ! It reminds me of my sister 's Susan 's little girl Alyssa . When Alyssa was about 4 or 5 she was being really dramatic and Susan was telling someone how " Melodramatic " she was . Alyssa apparently overheard her , though didn 't understand exactly what her Mom was talking about because a few minutes later she came and made the funniest statement to her . She said ; " Mom , will you feel my head ; I think I have melodramatic ? " LOL ! I think that 's where we 're at right now . I think Carly has melodramatic ! I just wish there was a treatment for it . Fifty - one years ago today my parents married each other . Pretty amazing these days to find a couple who has stayed married for this many years who still loves each other and enjoys being together . My parents do all of the above . I 'm so glad they have each other and have had so many wonderful years together . Thanks for loving each other and loving us . We love you Mom and Dad ! Happy Anniversary ! Well , actually only Grandma , Jonathon and I went to the Chiropractor today - - along with a friend and her baby who referred us to this Chiropractor . I didn 't know until very recently that babies could be adjusted by chiropractors but it 's actually quite a common practice . Anyway , this one we went to has seen a ton of babies and helped them with Reflux . So , we drove almost an hour to see him . It was really interested to watch him work with Jonathon and to have him show us how he was out of alignment and then see him put him back in alignment . I was very pleasantly surprised by the whole thing . When you think about it babies actually go through a lot during the birth process to squeeze their bodies out of a not very big opening . It has to put a strain on their body and the way it is aligned . We noticed almost immediately how calm Jonathon became . He usually has his arms waving around - - sometimes even when he first goes to sleep he will still have them moving but he didn 't at all once he 'd been adjusted . So far , it hasn 't changed his spitting up at all but they told us that could take a couple of times to make a difference . I 'm willing to try anything at this point . Thickening his formula with rice helped a little bit - - not a lot but it gave him tummy troubles . The Prevacid hasn 't seemed to have kicked in yet but we were only on day 3 today . I just don 't know what to do for him that we aren 't trying . I really do wish I knew . Mom 's arm and shoulder felt a good bit better when we were done , too - - and my head felt better for the moment . All in all I think the trip was worthwhile . We will do it at least once more and hope for further good results . Wish us luck ! Today Carly said : " No , no , no , no , no " and my mother said , " Oh , I 'm afraid I 'm responsible for her learning to say that . Then , Carly said , " Stop it , Stop it , Stop it ! " and I said , " Well , I taught her that one . Then Carly turned and smacked my hand and said , " Don 't " and Grandma and I looked at sister Julie , and said , " I guess you taught her that one . " Julie just smiled , and Carly laughed out loud . Hmmmmm , I don 't think those were the lessons we were trying to teach her in those moments . Dang . We started Jonathon on the new medicine for his Reflux this evening and it was not MAGIC . I was hoping it would work right away like the first medicine did with the exception that it would keep working . It didn 't . We didn 't notice any difference at all . Dern . We are supposed to give it a week . I 've mentioned before that I am not patient right ? Well , that hasn 't changed . My poor little guy can 't stop throwing up and it 's making me sick - - for him . Ugh . I just want him to feel good . Please say prayers for him . Thanks . : / So , as the mother of a toddler I have gotten used to the fact that I am no longer allowed to go potty alone . If I try , she stands at the door , bangs on it and has a meltdown . Today , I took Grandpa and Grandma to Salt Lake for an appointment . While Carly , Jonathon and I were in the waiting room , Carly had a poopie diaper . I asked the receptionist where the closest restroom was and she lead me to one in their back office area . It was a very nice , single restroom . I hauled the crew and all of our bags in there and got Carly all changed . Then I had this crazy thought . It 's a long drive home . " I should " go " too while we are in here . " No problem I thought . I will be quick . Silly me . As it happened the toilet was several feet from the door but it didn 't occur to me that that would be a problem . So , I got busy and was almost finished when my cute little toddler decided to try the door handle . Now , I hadn 't forseen that as a problem because it was a heavy wooden door and she had been trying all the door handles in the reception area with little result before we went to the bathroom . They were those pull down handles but they were too heavy for her to pull down . She couldn 't make them move so I wasn 't worried . Plus , I had locked the bathroom door . So there I am in the bathroom - - a little vulnerable , too far from the door to stop her - - got a steady stream flowing and suddenly my cute little toddler jumps up and grabs the door handle and pulls back on it . Yep , it starts to fling open ! I was up off that toilet to push that door shut faster than a fox fleeing a hen house . It wasn 't pretty but I got the job done . There was a busy hallway outside that door and I didn 't feel like being the sideshow ! Although , I 'm sure they wondered what the rukus was all about ! Yep , this little girly is giving me a run for my money ! It 's probably good for me . I need the exercise ! : ) Sugar . Little girl . Craziness . Need I say more ? Crying if you don 't give it to her ; crying and fussing if you do . More mom , always more . Gee whiz . It 's never enough . I 'm sure I was never like that . ( Yah right ! ) Sometimes the big sisters are big helps and sometimes they are not . Today not so much . Carly has been belching quite a bit . What do the sisters do ? They give her huge " high fives " every time she does it . Encouragement ? ! Oh , you betcha ! Everytime she misbehaved today they laughed loud and she performed more and better . I just about gave them time outs ! She is at that age where she understands , mimics and plays to the crowd . Sometimes it is really hard not to laugh , but that 's when you have to pull a nose hair or pinch yourself really hard so you don 't ! Tears , screaming . Sugar high is wearing off . Time to go . Baby girl 's bedtime .
|
Here 's a little something to kick off the weekend . Part one of my story Eber and the Tower . It 's my take on the Tower of Babel with a personal twist . Enjoy ! " Oh , I 'll take care of her then . Where are those sons of ours ? Aren 't they supposed to be taking care of these goats ? " " I wish they 'd never started building that thing . King Nimrod said he is doing it to show he is more powerful than God . That is an insult to the Lord . " Adah said . " I know and I agree , " said Eber , " when we first settled here there was no one else around . But gradually over the years , more and more people have come to stay . Even more have shown up just to see that tower and to help with the work on it . Somehow , I don 't think that is what the Lord intended when he told Great Grandfather Noah to be fruitful , multiply and fill the earth . We 've all been doing the first two but forgetting the third . " " What is it with you and this tower , Joktan ? We have work to do at home . I 'm sure I heard one of the goats bleating when we left . It 's our job to do the milking in the morning and … " " I know it 's not bigger than the mountains but , the mountains were made by … Pop 's God . This tower is being built by people . It 's like we were building it . I feel so proud to be a part of it all ! " " Oh come on , Peleg , don 't look so shocked ! It 's not like I 've been down here every day . I just come down here a couple of times a week when we aren 't busy with our chores and do odd jobs , run errands , that sort of thing . The men working on the tower have been really nice to me . Look ! They 're hoisting up another load of bricks for the next level . Let 's go see if we can help ! " Peleg walked slowly toward the tower with his eyes on the work going on at the top . As he widened his view , he could see that not only was there a tower being built but a whole city as well . There were many buildings , tall buildings and a palace for King Nimrod . The city was teeming with people , all busy rushing to and fro . In the morning Grampa came to get me and said , " It is time . " Grampa had released a raven the day before and after several hours , it came back . Today it was Jubal 's turn . Grampa and I went to the upper window , opened the cage and Jubal flew right out . We stood there and waited . My mom brought us some food for lunch after we had waited several hours . Just as we were sitting down to eat , Jubal came back . I was so excited I forgot to eat my lunch . I fed most of it to Jubal who was very tired and hungry . A week later , we did it again . This time Grampa wanted to send Adah . I wasn 't afraid this time . We did the same thing . We released Adah in the morning and then waited . She did not come back by lunch time . All afternoon we waited . Grampa sat and prayed and I played my flute . Suddenly there was a flutter of wings in the window . Adah had returned and she had a leaf in her beak . Grampa reached up with an open hand and Adah dropped the leaf into his hand . A week later , we did it again . This time Grampa wanted to send Jubal again . I thought it would be like the last two times . We released Jubal in the morning and then waited . He did not come back by lunch time . We waited all afternoon and nothing . He never came back . Over the next few weeks , Grampa and I spent a lot of time looking out the window . We could see more and more land every day . Then one day , the ark lurched again , hard . I ran up to the top deck , looked all around and saw that most of the water was gone . We had run aground . The ark settled at an angle with the bow pointing up slightly . We all gathered with Grampa at the door . It was like when we first started . We stood there silently while Grampa prayed . Then he quietly said , " Yes , Lord . " And then he said , " Shem , Ham , Japheth … . open the door . " Pop and my uncles did just that . It opened with a large creak and then it fell open to the ground with a huge " THUD ! " Then the sunlight began streaming in so brightly it nearly blinded us for a while . When I could finally see , I was amazed by the rich , lush green of the earth and the sparkling blue of the sky . Then , I saw a huge rainbow growing across the whole sky that just took my breath away . I looked up in the sky and prayed to the Lord , " Lord , I see now that you have been taking care of us all along . Please forgive me for not trusting you . Thank you for all you have done and , please , help me to obey you completely from now on . " They all walked out peacefully just like they went in . Adah flew to me when I opened the bird pen . I walked outside with her on my shoulder . We stood there together for several minutes and then I heard what sounded like a dove singing . It was the same tune I had played on my flute so many times . It was Jubal ! He had come back for his mate . Adah took off and flew up to meet him . They circled around several times and then flew off together . I never saw them again . Then I heard a sound I hadn 't heard for a while . The elephants were coming off the ark and they walked right toward me . One of them stopped , looked right at me , touched my shoulder gently with his trunk and then walked away quickly while making his horn sound . I smiled and waved and off they went to wherever God was sending them . I felt a hand on each shoulder . I looked up and saw Papa on my left and Grampa on my right . They were both looking out at the animals as they trailed into the distance and the rainbow in the sky . There were lots of strange and beautiful birds to see and to get to know . There were white ones and black ones ; red ones and green ones ; yellow ones and blue ones . Every color you could ever imagine was painted on those birds . There were even some that had lots of different colors on them . It was like color had exploded everywhere . It was marvelous ! One day as I was sitting and playing for them , I realized Grampa was sitting next to me . He had sat down while I was playing and I didn 't even notice . " You 're getting pretty good with that little flute of yours " , he said . " I like the way you play and it seems the birds do too . In fact , all the animals nearby seem to settle down and quietly listen to you . " I hadn 't noticed the part about the other animals . I had just noticed the birds . Grampa seemed to favor the birds above all the animals , like I did . We liked sitting together and talking or just listening to the birds sing . After a while , I noticed there was one mostly white bird that would move over closer to me when I was playing and it would sing with me while I was playing . I liked that and so I began to play even more often than before . The mostly white bird , which Grampa told me was called a dove , moved closer and closer to me on a low hanging branch . When I fed the birds , I started making sure the dove got extra food . He would even eat out of my hand sometimes . I named him Jubal . I think it was a he , I 'm not really sure . Jubal was the name of one of my ancestors who played the pipes , so I thought the name fit him . Jubal and I would spend part of every day together . I would play and he would sing . After a while , his mate would join us too . I named her Adah . They were a lot of fun to be with . Then one day Grampa told me , " Enoch , the Lord has been speaking to me and told me there was going to be a special job soon for a few of the birds . He wants me to take one up to a window on the upper deck and let it go to see if it comes back . This is part of God 's plan for us , Enoch . This is how the Lord is going to let us know He is preparing for us to leave the Ark . " I wasn 't sure how to take that . We had been on this trip for several months now . We had all been looking forward to the day it would come to an end but , now , I was worried for Jubal . Would Grampa send him ? What would happen to him ? Would he be able to find his way back ? Would he get lost and die ? The next night after supper , I went to the bird pen like I did every evening and began to play my flute . Jubal and Adah came to sit and sing with me like they always do . I coaxed them into a special cage I had made for them . Then I grabbed a small bag of feed and took them down into one of the lower holds near where the elephant was that took care of me when I had broken my leg . I hung the cage from a hook on a beam that I could reach from the ladder . I sat and played for them a little while to help them feel at home but , this time they didn 't sing along . That bothered me but I shrugged it off and went back to my families ' cabin to go to sleep for the night . Or , at least , I tried to sleep . I kept having a dream that we never got off of the ark because Grampa couldn 't send off the doves the way the Lord had told him to . I kept tossing and turning , having the same dream over and over again . Then I heard it . " Enoch . " It was almost too quiet to hear at first and then I thought it was Pop calling me . But the next time I heard it , I knew it was not Pop or Grampa . At that I felt ashamed , I did trust Grampa and I needed to trust the Lord too . I knew then my fear for Jubal and Adah was really a lack of trust in Grampa and the Lord . I got up right away and ran quickly down to where I had hung the cage . I returned to the bird pen and released them . I thought about what Grampa might do and , just as clearly as day , I could hear his voice talking to me . " Enoch " he said " you just tell the Lord what you need when you need His help . He will help you . God is faithful , just you wait and see . " I was not sure about this whole prayer thing at all . But , I was alone ( sort of ) , in a lot of pain and very scared . Trying to pray has always been kind of scary too . What if I said the wrong thing and made God mad at me ? What if He didn 't really exist ? I knew then what I needed to do . I took a deep breath and looked up ( cause I figure God is up in His heavens ) and said " Lord , God , creator of the whole world and everything in it , this is Enoch . I am in trouble down here and sure could use your help . You see , I 'm pretty sure I have broken my leg because it hurts really badly and I need someone to find me and help me . " " By the way Lord , thank you for this big boat Grampa calls an ark . Thank you for saving our lives . Please send someone to find me real soon . Amen . " The large animal didn 't move - he ( or she ) just stood there holding me up . When my Pop got to the top of the ladder , he stepped back for a second and looked . I think his eyes needed to adjust . Pop turned and began taking me up the ladder . I turned and waved goodbye as soon as we got to the top . The elephant blew its horn again gently as if to say goodbye , then turned and walk back into the shadows . Pop took me to my room in our cabin . " Enoch , you have been doing so well about being responsible … and now this . How could you just go wandering around down there alone ? Especially when I had specifically told you not to do that ! There are so many animals aboard the ark that could very easily kill you . What were you thinking ? " I wasn 't even sure what to say . I just stared at the splint on my broken leg and said quietly , " I 'm sorry Papa , I was just curious . There are so many animals to see that I have never seen before . " " Enoch , my son , I remember having a lot of talks with you about getting lost in your day dreams , I thought you were over that . Do not ever go wandering around like that again . Not all of these animals are going to be as gentle with you as that elephant was . You were very lucky . " I looked at him right in the eyes , " But Papa , doesn 't God watch over us all the time like Grampa says ? When I was laying down there with a broken leg not knowing when anyone would come looking for me , I prayed to the Lord just the way Grampa has taught me to do and He answered my prayer . You came and found me . I know now I should not have been exploring like that , but when I got in trouble , God was faithful just like you and Grampa always say . " Mama said , " Don 't worry us like that anymore Enoch . Your father and I were worried sick . I am glad you prayed and the Lord answered you . But please be more careful in the future . " " Hmm , here 's another ladder going down , I don 't remember seeing this one before . " I thought to myself . Down at this level the cages were much larger than the ones higher up . Just then I heard some strange rustling around noises and noticed that the lamps that lit up each of the lower levels seemed to be out . I began to get very curious . I looked around to see if anyone was around . When I awoke , I was in more pain than I had ever imagined in my whole life . I realized I had broken my leg badly . I couldn 't keep from yelling and crying it hurt so badly , but no one came . I was down there all alone . I immediately felt completely alone and in the dark . Then I began to feel afraid . I didn 't know how often they came down to this level to care for the animals . It walked slowly over to me with its nose pointed at me sniffing me and then touching me . I was scared at first , but its touch was so gentle I stopped being afraid . It pushed at me a little bit , like it was trying to help me stand up . I reached up to feel it 's long nose and it began to pick me up and cradle me with it . I felt the pressure on my leg get less and the pain got easier to handle . I wasn 't sure what was going on or why this animal was doing this . I looked up and I could tell the big thing was also looking down at me . I began to feel very relaxed and very tired . My eyes had trouble staying open and I must have fallen asleep for a while . When I woke up , the animal was still holding me up . I began to call out for my father . " Papa , " I would call out . I was not very loud at first . I did not want to frighten my protector . After a while , I stopped because I wasn 't getting any answers . The pain was still pretty strong and I was getting tired again . I was also very thirsty and starting to get more afraid that no one was answering me . Then suddenly I felt my bed lift up from behind me and tilt to my left . I quickly looked around , " What is going on ? My whole room moved ! " There was singing and wild calls coming from the top of the ladder I had to climb to get to the upper level . I really like all the birds , feeding them isn 't too bad . It 's the cleaning up after them that 's yucky . I had asked Grampa how long we were going to be on this trip . But , the only answer I could get from him was " The Lord will let us know when He is done out there . Just be patient , Enoch . " I looked and looked and looked . I had never seen so many different kinds of animals in all my life . A lot of the animals were new to all of us and we didn 't know what to call them . Many had come from very far away and many were very strange . Then he spoke up in his stern voice , " I don 't want you going down to the lowest levels son . The big cats and other very large , dangerous animals are down there . They may be safe enough but , I don 't want you to take any chances . Do you understand me ? " Just as Grampa finished that prayer , there was a loud creaking sound and movement by the door . It was the DOOR ! It was closing all by itself ! The people that had gathered on the outside began yelling and rushing toward the door , but … they were too late . We suddenly pitched to the left . Things were sliding across the floor and falling . Then we pitched back the other way . Something hit me and knocked me down . Pop was right there with his strong arm and he picked me up . And then … the ark steadied upright again and we could tell that we were still moving . It was really weird ! After we put a few of the things that had slid around back where they belonged , we raced up the big stairway to the windows on the top deck of the ark . All we could see was water for miles and miles . There were just a few mountaintops off in the distance . We were alone in the middle of all of this water that wasn 't even there just a few days ago . I couldn 't believe it . It was like a dream . I didn 't even want to believe it . I thought that I would wake up in just a minute . But … . I didn 't . The sky was blacker than anything I had ever seen ; the wind was blowing so hard it was hard to stand still . It made me feel so cold with the rain coming down harder and harder . I kept thinking about all the people and things that were under that water . I just stood there hanging on the edge of the window looking out . I couldn 't understand why they all had to … be destroyed . That made me angry , so I went to a small place on the ark that I had discovered to hide when I didn 't want to be found . I wanted to think about things for a while . I thought about the people and the places that I knew . Grampa was right . There were people that did really mean things . I didn 't understand a lot of what went on , but I thought that those people wanted to live that way . Maybe it was ok if they weren 't hurting anyone but themselves . But then I got to thinking about something Pop had told me . If I make something and it doesn 't turn out right or work the way I wanted it to , I could tear it apart and start over if I wanted . He told me that was what God was doing . He was going to start over . He was going to keep parts of what He made that He liked and was going to do the rest over again . It was His choice . I repeated that to myself , " It was His choice and He always chooses to do the right thing . " I didn 't even hear Grampa come up behind me . The first thing I knew was that his hand was on my shoulder . I turned and looked up at him . He told me to follow him . He led me to where the birds were kept . The light was dim and it was pretty warm in there . They seemed to be comfortable with that . They were strangely peaceful and quiet . We found a little bench to sit on , and Grampa and I sat there watching the birds for quite a while . We used to do that sometimes at home on his favorite bench , under his favorite tree , watching the sun go down . It was almost like old times . I began to feel a lot better and was able to relax a little . Then he scooted away from me just a bit , bent down , and looked me in the eyes and said , " Enoch , I am sure that all of this is frightening . It would frighten me too , and it might even make me angry … if I did not know the Lord the way that I do . That helps me to trust Him . Enoch , I want you to know the Lord the same way that I do . I want you to trust Him the same way that I do . " I looked into Grampa 's eyes . They were deep and soft and loving . I knew I could believe him and trust him . Trusting God was a little bit harder for me . Then I remembered what Pop had said . He told me to trust Grampa and to trust in the Lord . " Hold my hands , " he said . I put my hands into his . My hands were so small compared to his . They were big and worn from many years of hard work , but at the same time , they were soft and tender . " Lord God , God of the heavens and the earth , God of our fathers Adam and Enoch , Lord God , hear us now as we speak . I am here with my grandson Enoch . He is having a hard time trusting you ; he might even be a little bit angry with you . He doesn 't know it is ok to be honest about all of our feelings . Mostly because he does not know you as I do . I know you are faithful and true . I also know that you love us each more than we could ever realize . Please help my grandson Enoch to know you as I do . Help him seek you and to know you as his great , great , great … . great grandfather Enoch knew you . Help him to trust you and to know you are faithful . Thank you Lord , for I know you will hear and answer this prayer . " " Lord God , God of the heavens and the earth , this is Enoch , and I 've never spoken to you before because I … I … well , I just didn 't know I could . Now I know I can . I have learned that from my Grampa and I just want you to know I want to trust you in the same way my Grampa does . Please help me because I 'm pretty young … and , well , I 'm really new at this . Please help me to trust that you 'll take care of all of us in this ark and one day soon we can live on land again . " " Thank you , Lord , for loving us . Thank you for loving me and my family . Help us to take good care of all the animals . Especially help me to take care of all of the birds . There are more birds here than I 've ever seen in my whole life . " " Anyway , thank you Lord . Please forgive me for being angry with you . Please help me to do my part of trusting you to take care of everything else on the outside of the ark . I know it 's my job to just trust and obey you . " Then he walked away . I sat there with the birds for a long time thinking about all that had happened . I felt more peaceful than before . I , somehow , just knew that things would be all right . But , our voyage had just begun .
|
As we started planning for Christmas , we kept talking about how Holly would react . We have a lot of beautiful glass ornaments that spent the season in boxes . We weren 't sure if she would play with the tree or the presents . We decided not to put up the ornaments this year just to play it safe . We didn 't know if Holly would try to open the packages . We tried to protect Holly through our Christmas planning . It turns out Holly was fine near the tree . I saw images of Holly playing with the girls and knocking the tree down , but that didn 't happen . In fact Holly went near the tree to sniff the ornaments and packages , but she didn 't try to eat anything or rip any packages . Mostly it was just something she found interesting as she passed by . We had a few mishaps . We had a wooden Christmas tree about four feet tall in the foyer . One day it fell on Holly as she played tag with the girls . Holly spent the rest of the season afraid to go into the foyer near the Christmas tree . I tried to pull out cookie sheets and dropped some other baking sheets on the floor . The noise frightened Holly as she started walking into the kitchen . What made us laugh throughout Christmas was walking Holly . She despised the outdoor decorations . A blow - up Santa ? She barked the entire time she walked by the house . A lighted nativity scene ? Holly stood in front of it barking . She wanted to be certain that those people knew not to come near her . She protected us from those blinking lights . No matter what , Holly wasn 't going to let those blinking lights attack us . Christmas morning Holly sat near the tree while the girls opened presents . She was funny because she walked all the way around the house rather than go across the wrapping paper . The girls made a pile , which Holly saw as a wall . She really wouldn 't go near it until we created a path for her . Our first Christmas with Holly was much easier than we anticipated . It wasn 't that we thought she would be intentionally destructive , but she 's a big , lanky puppy . She still plays a bit too rough at times . She isn 't always in control of her body as she runs around . It 's adorable unless you think the dog is going to take down the Christmas tree . If we 're luck , and Holly calms down a bit more , I anticipate putting our art glass ornaments on the tree next year . She passed her Christmas tests this year . Holly has cemented herself as the girls ' dog . If Oreo wanted to be near any one of us , Holly wants to be near the girls . As long as her girls are home , she doesn 't care if she walks at the usual times or if she stays home with them . She sleeps with the blond twin every night . As long as the girls are in their bedroom , Holly stays in bed with the blond twin . Today their friend Amira came to play . At first Amira was afraid of Holly . Truth be told , Amira is smaller than Holly . She 's barely taller than Holly and we 're sure Holly weighs more than Amira . For a while Amira was afraid of Holly . About an hour or so later Amira was laughing and playing and treating Holly like her dog . Just when we thought she couldn 't do anything else to cement herself as the girls ' dog , the girls and Amira came out of the girls ' room just laughing . They could hardly control themselves . Finally they parted and Holly came into the room . Holly had on a pink shirt the blond twin recently outgrew . The girls managed to get the shirt over Holly 's head and over her paws . Holly was prancing behind them because she didn 't want them to leave her in the room . She was decked in hot pink with her tail wagging . Once we stopped laughing we told the girls to take off the shirt . Holly might have been willing to model it , but she was trying to bite it off her legs . She didn 't like it very much . On the one hand the brunette twin knows we 'll support their interests , as long as they are reasonable . Horseback riding lessons at a local stable are probably going to happen fairly regularly . Ski lessons on a Colorado mountain after watching the Olympics ? Surfing lessons in Hawaii after watching Soul Surfer ? Not going to happen . On the other hand , I couldn 't help but wonder how entitled the brunette twin was beginning to feel . It 's not a development we 're happy about . I always say the girls " get around " because we take them to a lot of different places / shows / restaurants . It 's stuff we liked to do before they were born . We just added them to the mix as they are old enough to enjoy these things . She won 't remember what she said , but we decided it changed how we determine their presents . Stuff we might have just given them , like concert tickets , are now going to be wrapped and given as a gift . They needed long underwear and warm winter gloves for some outdoor activities . Those are under the tree . We 're starting with their Christmas presents and will continue as they get older . They might not notice , but the brunette twin 's comments certainly will change the way we think about what they get and how they view it . This morning we woke up to a couple of inches of snow . It wasn 't much , but it was enough that the girls needed snow boots . The brunette twin realized her snow boots from last year didn 't fit her . Of course , I thought about this a couple of weeks ago , but I didn 't do anything about it . I walked into the garage and grabbed my back - up snow boots . These boots are fine for the days when I 'm shoveling , but not comfortable enough to walk the dog . I handed her the boots and told her to wear them . Just before we were supposed to walk out the door this morning the girls started screaming at me from upstairs . I didn 't quite understand at first because they were both yelling at the same time . I ran upstairs to find the brunette twin in tears outside the bathroom saying " I 'm sorry " over and over again . I immediately knew what was wrong . For some reason the girls have a nasty habit of clogging the toilet lately . This was just the latest incident . I looked at them and said , " It 's a bathroom , not a party room . " Immediately after the girls ran downstairs to find the plunger while I tried to clean up the overflow . They have to go into the bathroom together . They stay in there with the door closed sharing secrets and laughing . Sometimes we hear loud , belly laughs . Whatever they are talking about they find hysterical . I used to find it adorable . The problem is they forget why they are there . They don 't pay attention to the details , like how much toilet paper they are using and flushing the toilet completely . The result is Mommy or Daddy end up with a plunger in our hands was too often lately . The blond twin has the strangest obsession with band aids . She puts a band aid on every cut , bruise or mark . It doesn 't matter if she 's even bleeding . It 's as if she thinks band aids are decorative items . We try and try and try to explain to her that band aids aren 't for decoration . We discuss how band aids have a medical purpose . She doesn 't care . The blond twin just goes through band aids like nothing I 've ever seen . She uses all sizes , all the time . She gets upset when we run out of band aids . It has gotten to the point that we hide them from her just to make sure we have some if we ever need them . Yes , we hid band aids . It 's as crazy as it sounds and we know it . The brunette twin is the ultimate eavesdropper . If she 's on the same floor as us when we talk she always seems to hear us and ask a follow - up question . She has to know exactly what we 're talking about at all times . I keep telling her she doesn 't need to know about every conversation , but she doesn 't listen . She 's sure we 're having a fascinating grown - up conversation . This morning I was on the phone with Daddy when I said , " They don 't even know it 's down there . " The brunette twin was sitting right next to me at the dining room table . She was supposed to be eating breakfast , but she was just staring at me . I kept talking to Daddy while she waited impatiently for me to hang up . Knowing that she was anxious to ask me about my phone conversation I kept talking to Daddy . As soon as I hung up she said , " We don 't know what 's down there ? " I said , " It is not your conversation , don 't worry about it . " I told her to stop listening to my conversations and she wouldn 't be so disappointed . It 's not going to happen , but maybe she 'll think twice before interrogating me about every conversation . Posted by Today their teams went up against other fourth and fifth grade teams . It sounds like it was a spirited competition . In the end two teams were tied - - and our girls were on each team . After a tense overtime , the brunette twin 's team - - Tie Dye Ponies - - won . The blond twin 's team came in second . When they got into the car after choir practice , the brunette twin was about to explode . She couldn 't wait to tell me the big news . She went through every detail , explaining over and over again how her team won . She was thrilled . The brunette twin said , " Finally it 's my turn . Sissy had her poem published . She won the fire department coloring contest . Now my team wins the Book Buddies contest . I won something . " She wasn 't gloating as much as she expressed her relief . She finally won something . She knew that we 'd talk about her victory the same way we talk about the blond twin 's poem being published . Tt was like a weight lifted from her shoulders . I didn 't remind her that she won a trophy during golf camp a couple of summers ago . She won for her skill , but in her mind it didn 't really count . No one from school appreciated her victory . The brunette twin spent the rest of the night basking in her victory . Even her sister couldn 't resist smiling at how proud the brunette twin was about her victory . The victory glow won 't last long , though . The brunette twin started planning for next semester 's Battle of the Books competition tonight . She 's ready to defend her victory . She then went on to explain that she already talked to the boy about cheating . Since he kept doing it , she started putting wrong answers on her papers . Once he turned in his paper , she 'd go back and put all the correct answers on her papers . I just smiled at her . She wanted me to understand that the teacher might not know he was cheating since they didn 't have the same answers . I told her that her solution was very , very clever , but she still had to tell her teacher what was happening . As soon as I left them at the school , I called Daddy . We were so amazed at her solution . We always say the girl is very clever . It was fun to hear how she solved her class problem in such a creative way . We 're traditionalists when it comes to our Christmas decorating . Everything goes up the day after Thanksgiving . It comes down before the girls go back to school after Winter Break . Today we spent the afternoon putting up our Christmas decorations . If there is such a thing as a sweet spot when it comes to Christmas decorating , I think we 're pretty close . This year our girls took control of the process . While Daddy was putting together our tree , the girls started going through other boxes . We have a few places we always place decorations . The girls quickly decided how they wanted to organize the decorations this year . All the snowmen were going to one place . The Santas were going into the family room . Other decorations were going upstairs . They moved from place to place discussing each decoration . Watching them open each box was delightful for me . I know what is in each box , but I 'm still delighted to open them every year . Our girls had the same reaction . When it came time to decorate the tree they decided that their " twin " ornaments needed to hang together . Every year Grammie buys them an ornament . You can trace their interests by the ornaments . We have ballet slippers , a piano , a mermaid and more . We have pictures of them at different ages . The girls wouldn 't hang their twin ornament until each sister had hers in hand . After working for two hours , the girls were done . They just ran out of energy to do anything else . We had a couple of boxes left that Daddy and I handled . We rearranged a few displays so there was a little space between the decorations . We cleaned up a bit and then sat down to enjoy our Christmas decorations . It was fun to watch them work . They weren 't able to put everything where they wanted so they still needed our help . There were a few panic attacks which were quickly resolved . ( Where 's my stocking ? Why can 't I find all four ? ) In the past Christmas decorating has been an all day process . It was really something we did in small spurts as we took care of the girls . As the girls became more independent the decorating became ore fun . Now , with four people fully participating in the process , Christmas decorating is a quick process . And , it 's still a lot of fun . What is going on with all the sleeveless holiday dresses ? I recently spent hours and hours and hours trying to find Christmas dresses for our ten - year - old twin daughters . Everything I saw looked like something they 'd wear to a summer pool party rather than something appropriate for a Chicago Christmas . Perhaps designers and retail managers don 't realize this , but Christmas in Chicago is cold . It might be 40 degrees , and if the temperature goes that high we 'll consider it a warm day . More likely it will be freezing or below , which is pretty normal for December Chicago weather . What ever happened to sleeves on winter dresses ? I had a hard time even finding a dress with anything more than tiny , cap sleeves . Who wears stuff like this in the cold weather ? I hate to break it to all the clothing designers , but if you design something like that thinking we 're all going to show off our finely sculpted arms , you 're wrong . No matter what our arms look like , we 're adding a sweater or wrap to your perfectly designed frock . We are nothing if not practical in Chicago . We 're not going to be cold just to maintain the integrity of your design . Of course , that might be the plan all along . Maybe all the sleeveless dresses are simply a ploy to get us to purchase more sweaters and wraps . If that 's the case , then please put the sweaters and wraps near the holiday dresses on the retail store floor . Don 't make me go from floor to floor looking for what I need . For online retailers , please give me a way to look at sweaters and wraps side by side with the sleeveless dresses . The easier you make it for me to find what I need , the more likely I 'll purchase all of it at your store . I really don 't like to shop . I do it because I need something . The words , " I 'm going to the mall to see what 's new " have never come out of my mouth . I 'm not saying there isn 't any place to wear sleeveless holiday dresses . My cousins in Florida adore them . My cousins in Texas wear them every year . It 's those of us in cold weather cities who want sleeves . Our girls will look adorable for Christmas in their dress and sweater . With a little luck the dresses will still fit them when it 's appropriate to wear sleeveless dresses in Chicago . So , if you see a woman walking downtown with two little girls in Christmas dresses in July , just smile , ok ? The patterns might be out of season , but the design will finally be in season . Basically I 'm not allowed to do anything embarrassing , which might mean I 'm not allowed to do anything . I told the blond twin that I 'd try not to embarrass her , but I wasn 't making any promises since the list of things she finds embarrassing is so long . Ah , the tween years . The good thing is the list of embarrassing things I 'm not allowed to do will level off during their teen years when they realize they can make requests , but I 'm still going to do whatever I want . For my birthday the girls made both a cake and cupcakes . We already had a blueberry pie and brownies that we made last weekend . Our kitchen looked like a sweet shop . We got up early this morning to take Daddy to the train . Our routine is to run through Dunkin Donuts to get Daddy coffee and treat the girls to donuts for breakfast . It 's a reward for them getting up , dressed and into the car in a reasonable timeframe . This morning the girls just didn 't move quickly . Daddy missed his target train . We set our sights on the next train . We made it out of the house in time to get Daddy to the train . We didn 't have enough time to drive through Dunkin ' Donuts . As we were driving I said , " You girls can have cake when we get home . How 's that for a fun , birthday breakfast ? " Daddy said , " Cake for breakfast ? " I laughed as I said , " Yeah , because donuts are so much more nutritious than cake . " He smiled and got out of the car . The Affordable Care Act exchanges are open now . Whenever I read the comments on social media or news sites related to the Affordable Care Act , I 'm stunned at the number of people in perfect health . These people are certain they will never need to find insurance under the Affordable Care Act because they already have insurance . They are certain that those people without insurance are deadbeats who want the government to take care of them . For those of you who are certain that you will always have your existing company or union sponsored healthcare plan : I was driving when an Elvis Presley song came on the radio . I had heard the song many , many times growing up as my parents were big Elvis fans . This time , alone in my car , I really listened to In the Ghetto . In case you don 't remember the lyrics , here 's how it starts " In the Ghetto " was first released in 1969 . Nearly 45 years ago Chicago was still the place people thought about when they thought about poverty and violence . It 's incredible sad that back in 1969 when Mac Davis sat down to write a song about generations caught in a cycle of poverty and violence , Chicago was the place that came to mind . The violence in the 1969 song almost seems quaint . A young man steals a car and is killed trying to escape his life . In the 2013 version there would be more gang involvement and retaliation . The end result is the same , though . A young man with a gun ends up dead in the street . Here 's how Wikipedia explains the song , " It is a narrative of generational poverty : a boy is born to a mother who already has more children than she can feed in the ghetto of Chicago . The boy grows up hungry , steals and fights , purchases a gun and steals a car , attempts to run , but is shot and killed just as another child is born . The song implies that the newborn will meet the same fate , continuing the cycle of poverty and violence . The feeling of an inescapable circle is created by the structure of the song , with its simple , stark phrasing ; by the repetition of the phrase " in the ghetto " as the close of every fourth line ; and finally by the repetition of the first verse 's " and his mama cries " just before the beginning and as the close of the last verse . " Sadly the inescapable circle of poverty and violence continues with more rage in 2013 . Despite numerous government programs and private attempts , some Chicago neighborhoods still struggle with daily gun violence . Some kids grow up thinking that joining a gang and carrying a gun is the only way to succeed . Too many mothers continue to cry . When will In the Ghetto be a quaint oldie rather than an anthem for another Chicago generation ? It 's a question people have been asking for decades . The real question is : Are we the generation to create the change necessary so that today 's babies don 't grow up to be the angry young man in the song ? There 's one thing I know will never happen again in this house . I will not take a shower after the girls ' have finished their showers . I did that once . The water was cold . It wasn 't a nice , relaxing shower as much as it was a race to get out as quickly as possible . Of all the things on our home improvement list , a tankless water heater is gaining importance . We have friends with tankless water heaters who rave about how wonderful it is that everyone can shower and no one ends up with cold water . One friend talks about how she can run the dishwasher , put in a load of laundry and still shower with hot water . I didn 't care about a tankless water heater until I stood in the cold water . I realize the number of showers will only increase as the girls get older . It will be years before we can realistically reduce our hot water use so it 's time to take action if we want to continue to take warm showers . My recent cold water shower wasn 't so much fun that I want to repeat it again . We were online looking for Christmas dresses when I asked the blond twin to try on a dress from her closet . I wavered between two sizes before asking her to try on a dress . She has a couple different sizes in her closet so I knew it was an easy way to figure out the correct size . It was a simple request really . I wanted her to go upstairs , try on a dress , come downstairs and show me how it fit . A few minutes after she went upstairs I heard thumping , banging and stomping . Then she yelled , " You hurt me . " A few minutes later she came downstairs wearing the dress with tears in her eyes and a cut lip . She said she hurt herself messing around with her sister . I said I didn 't want to hear about it because trying on a dress shouldn 't be a contact sport . She was mad , but I was tired and didn 't want to hear this current saga . For some reason with the blond twin , life is a contact sport . I hear " I 'm hurt " from her multiple times a day . Sometimes it 's a little thing like running into a wall while she 's talking and walking . Sometimes it 's something big like cutting her lip while wrestling with her twin or playing with Holly . She always wants to tell me every detail of how it happened . I don 't know how to tell her that I don 't want to hear every detail . I usually hear the commotion and know how it 's going to end . At this point I just want her to understand that not everything she does needs to end with her yelling , " Ouch . " When I tried to explain to her that she needs to be more careful , the blond twin replied , " You know you have a klutzy daughter . " It 's not that she 's klutzy . It 's more that she and her twin turn everything into a play date . Putting away the laundry becomes a game of toss the clothes . Taking Holly outside to go to the bathroom is a game of hide and seek in the bushes . Bringing the garbage downstairs is a foot race . It never ends . What the blond twin doesn 't seem to realize is she is three or four inches shorter than her twin now . A couple of years ago this wasn 't the case . Now when they wrestle the brunette twin has a definite advantage . When they have a foot race , pretending to be hockey players , odds are good the brunette twin is going to take down her sister when she checks her into the wall . There 's a never - ending list of ways the blond twin can get hurt . I realize they will outgrow this . In a couple of years these will just be funny stories we talk about at holiday dinners . Until then I 'll just continue to sigh when the blond twin says she 's hurt and she 'll continue to respond that she 's just a klutz . Posted by When we walked into the church the girls ' faces fell . Our priest was in front of the church all by himself . Usually he had two young acolytes and at least one adult to assist him with the service . Today he was all by himself . I just sighed . If we had walked into church immediately upon arrival the girls could have been acolytes . The blond twin looked at me and said , " We need to help father Nicholas . We can 't leave him there all alone . " The brunette twin said , " Let 's go . " The problem was the easy way to get back where the garments are kept was to go up to the front of the church and walk in front of everyone . The outside door was locked , but we knew who had the key . She handed us her keys and a few minutes later the girls were dressed and sneaking up to the acolytes ' seats in front of the church . Father Nicholas smiled when he saw them . Before his sermon he called out the girls and thanked them for coming to help him . He said seeing them walk up the side aisle to the front - - fully vested as he noted - - was like watching angels among us . We always tell the girls that they have the ability to help people by doing something small . Today they made a difference in our priest 's day just by stepping up to do something they had done dozens of times before . It didn 't take any money or effort on their part . They simply saw something they wanted to change and they took action . You know how parents talk about how miserable it is to listen to their children when they are practicing their instruments ? I haven 't had that experience until now . Before this set of songs , the girls would make slow and steady progress on their songs . They didn 't always sound great , but you could hear them improve each time they practiced . Now the blond twin is struggling with the Star Spangled Banner . There is just one section she just cannot get right . It is driving me crazy . With the other songs they learned I didn 't always know how the final product was supposed to sound . I just went with the flow until they mastered the notes . The Star Spangled Banner , though , is a different animal . I know exactly how that is supposed to sound . I 'm finding it hard to be a patient , supportive parent . I 've become impatient with her inability to get these few notes correct . Every time she plays I hear the words in my head until she gets near the end when the notes don 't match what I expect to hear . I 've heard the Start Spangled Banner so often that no matter where she starts playing the song the words just flow in my head . We 're close , so close in fact that I know she 'll get it right soon . The problem is she really has to get every note right . There 's no way I 'm going to let her stop practicing it until it 's perfect . Yet every time she hits the wrong note my brain flips a bit . This is one song I 'll be happy to finish . Even though by finish I mean get it right because I know she 'll continue to play the song . I just want to get to a point where her notes match what 's going on in my head so I don 't wince whenever she hits a wrong note . Posted by A couple of months ago we were at Gordyville , a Central IL destination for horse shows , flea markets and animal auctions . We were there for a flea market . I like to search there for interesting garden ornaments . While there Aunt Debbie mentioned that Gordyville hosts rodeos . The girls were hooked . We made plans to go to the rodeo . Part of the plan was for the girls to spend the night with Aunt Debbie and Uncle Len . At the time we were going to go down , spend the night in hotel and let the girls spend the night with Aunt Debbie and Uncle Len . As soon as we started planning the blond twin wanted to clarify the arrangements . She said , " You 're not coming with are you ? I mean it 's ok if you come with , but we 're going with Aunt Debbie and Uncle Len alone right ? You aren 't coming with us are you ? " I just laughed . I promised her that even if we were in the same area we wouldn 't interfere with their time with Aunt Debbie and Uncle Len . My recent surgery changed our plans , which was fine with the girls . Daddy took the girls to meet Aunt Debbie for the drop - off . Today we received a phone call from the girls early to set - up the drop - off time . We knew they would have fun , but we had no idea how much fun until we picked up the phone . The blond twin yelled , " The rodeo was AWESOME . " She proceeded to tell us all the details she could remember as quickly as possible - - barrel riders , bull riders , steer wrestling , a rodeo clown , lasso competitions . There was probably more , but it was hard to keep them straight . The brunette twin came on the phone and told us all her favorite parts . At some point the blond twin said , " You 're on speaker phone by the way . " We just laughed . They were just bubbling with excitement . Aunt Debbie suggested meeting at Noon , but one of the girls said , " Can 't we stay until 1 : 00 p . m . ? We don 't want to go home . " Daddy picked up the girls about 1 : 00 p . m . We knew they 'd be tired , but Daddy said the girls were asleep in the car before he made it to the expressway . By the time they came home they were refreshed and ready to talk . At dinner we had them take turns telling stories . The things they found interesting made us laugh . They did impressions of the pre - rodeo announcements . They talked about how the rider slid off the horse on to the steer for the steer roping . They talk about the rodeo clown distracting the animals . They repeated stories the announcer said about dating the rodeo cowboys . They discussed their favorite outfits . They explained the heights , colors and personalities of their favorite horses . They talked so much and so quickly that we had to limit them to one story before they let the other one talk . We were getting confused about the details , but it was clear that they had a great time . They loved the rodeo . They loved spending the night with Aunt Debbie and Uncle Len . We love listening to them tell the stories . We always tell them that they should have special times just with their aunts and uncles . Given how much they loved the rodeo , I 'd say it might be one of their favorite events to date . Posted by We invited several other girls to come trick or treating with our girls . We had a plan and we 're ready to go , but it rained all day . Right before the scheduled meeting time there was a flurry of phone calls . We decided to stick with the plan , adding umbrellas and rain boots to the mix . The girls hung out for a bit before heading out . The rain slowed to a drizzle when the girls decided it was time to go . There was a pack of brightly colored rain coats on giggly girls on our front porch when Daddy put Holly on a leash . A minute later the whole pack was out knocking on doors . The rain stopped and started and stopped and started . The girls kept trick or treating . When they decided they needed to warm up and dry off they all came back to our house . Within minutes it was a mess of costume parts , dripping rain coats , drying rain boots and giggling girls . It was chaos and it was great . The girls sat at the dining room table trading Halloween treats . A bit later they ate pizza and talked about class . They laughed and argued and ate . They ran to the door to hand out treats whenever our doorbell rang . Later the blond twin and Erin went out for a second round of trick or treating . The brunette twin , Ayanna and JaHee decided to stay home and play . They ran upstairs and disappeared into the girls ' room . Yesterday I received two emails telling me how much fun the girls had on Halloween . Both moms said their girls couldn 't stop talking about it . Our girls said it was the best Halloween ever . This might be a new Halloween tradition at our house . It was chaos , and everyone had fun . It might be the best way to spend Halloween . Our girls were very young when Uncle Larry was first diagnosed with cancer . I 'm not sure they remember a time when he wasn 't sick . Actually , he had been living under a bad prognosis for so long that it seemed like his cancer was more of a chronic condition than a life - threatening illness . Recently Uncle Larry decided to end his battle . His medical team did all they could , but couldn 't control his cancer any more . Uncle Larry went into hospice to make his final days manageable . Today he lost his battle . His life ended on his terms , which is all you could hope for once the medical options ran out . Rest in peace Uncle Larry . You fought a good battle and now it 's time to rest in peace . We have a new family member . I 'm not sure when we added to our family . I know we never discussed another family member . It took me a while to realize we added to our family . It was only through a series of questions and answers that I realized our new family member 's name . " Who left the lights on the staircase ? " It turns out " not me " is our newest family member . I don 't like " not me " at all . " Not me " is a never responsible for anything in our house . In fact , " not me " is often two people . More than once both girls have answered " not me " to a question . Since our girls have been in their current school they have had the same wonderful crossing guard . We walked out of our way to go to see her every morning and afternoon . Recently she took a full - time job . The girls decided if Miss Sue wasn 't going to be their crossing guard , they wanted to change their route to one which was a bit shorter . During this conversation the brunette twin announced that she thought they should start walking to and from school all by themselves . I said , " It doesn 't matter what you want to do . Holly expects to walk to and from school with you . Even if you 're ready to walk by yourselves , she will need a walk . Why would I walk her away from the school ? " The blond twin bought it right away . She hugged Holly and said something like , " Of course we will walk with you . We won 't leave you alone . " The brunette twin didn 't buy into it . She started negotiating a time next year that the girls would be able to walk to and from school by themselves . She announced that in fifth grade they would start walking by themselves . I countered that it would have to wait until sixth grade when they took the bus to middle school . She wasn 't happy about my decision . I 'm sure it 's not the last time we 'll discuss this topic . My neighbors tell me that their kids were walking to and from school in fifth grade . This might be the neighborhood norm , but I have a 70lb black and white secret weapon at my disposal and I 'm not afraid to use her . Two summers ago I took the girls to their first concert . Big Time Rush was the headlining act , but it was the opening act that captured the blond twin 's heart . From the moment Cody Simpson took the stage , the blond twin just stared . She giggled and stared and swooned the entire time . Fast forward to this month when I received a press release about book signings happening at Andersen 's Bookshop . I write a blog about books on ChicagoNow , so I receive a lot of press releases . I scanned it while on a conference call when the words Cody Simpson jumped off the screen . Near the bottom of the release was a paragraph about Cody Simpson coming to the Tivoli Theater to sign his new book . We were in . At least I was in . I knew the girls would want to go . There was just one problem . Cody was signing books after my surgery . I crossed my fingers that Daddy would be willing to take the girls . Of course I didn 't really have to sell him on it . He knew how much they would enjoy it and thought it would be a good post - surgery treat for them . I went to buy the tickets that same night . Because I received the press release before it was widely published I was one of the first people to purchase tickets . And , I do mean one of the first . The girls had tickets # 3 and # 4 . We didn 't tell the girls they were going to see Cody Simpson until after school yesterday . We told them not to plan too much after school since they had some prep work to do in their room . Daddy plans to paint their room while he 's off work this week . It was a good cover story . Daddy picked up the girls from after - school chorus and the blond twin immediately started lobbying to stay home with Mommy while Daddy and the brunette twin ran all the errands to get everything needed to paint their room . She triumphantly announced that Sissy was going to the store with Daddy , but she would stay home to take care of Mommy . When I told her she 'd want to go , the blond twin said , " Mommy , Daddy said I could stay home with you because you need my help . " Daddy laughed as he walked in the door . Finally I handed them the tickets and told them if they finished everything on the list they could go do this tonight . They stared for a moment as they read the tickets . They asked a couple of questions . They started shrieking and jumping up and down . We just laughed . Daddy went to take some ibuprofen to ward off the inevitable headache to come from being in a theater with hundreds of tween and teen girls . We were eating a snack when the blond twin asked when Daddy was going to the store . We had to tell her that she didn 't have to go to the store after all . She was very happy to discover a trip to the hardware store wasn 't on the list of things to do before seeing Cody Simpson . The girls called me after they settled into their seats at the theater . They were so excited they could get out their words fast enough . After Cody sang a few songs and talked a bit , it was time to sign books . The audience was called in ticket number order . For whatever reason # 1 and # 2 weren 't at the front of the line . Our girls were there . The blond twin had her booked signed first . As Cody chatted and signed , someone asked if she could take the blond twin 's photo for the newspaper . Daddy said it was fine . The blond twin had a few extra moments with Cody while the newspaper photographer took a couple of photos . The brunette twin said she couldn 't stop smiling at his Australian accent . She said he was so polite that he even talked to Daddy . Cody thanked Daddy for bringing the girls and said , " Good day mate . " When they came home the girls were uncontrollably excited as they told me all the stories . At a quiet point during the performance the brunette twin yelled , " I love you Cody . " He looked in her general direction and said , " I love all of you too . " The blond twin remembered everything he said and couldn 't stop talking about his accent . Then she swooned and said , " Mommy , he 's is so dreamy in person . " Daddy survived nicely . The girls noted that he might have been the only male in the crowd . I told them they better appreciate their father 's willingness to take them to see Cody Simpson . Daddy said it wasn 't as crazy as he expected and it was actually fun to be there with the girls . I doubt he 'll sign up to do it again if I 'm available for these things , but it was a great way to end a crazy few days in our house . Posted by It turns out that the worst part of having surgery is the pre - op wait . After you 're checked in and everything is verified , you just wait on a gurney for someone to wheel you into surgery . I didn 't realize how long and scary this part was before my surgery last week . The truth is I had never had surgery before . I didn 't know what to expect . My tears started as they wheeled me towards to operating room . The hospital staff kept telling me not to worry , but that 's not easy to do when you 're about to give up complete control of your body for three or four hours . Wisely , someone decided to give me something to put me to sleep before I made it into the operating room . The next thing I knew I was in a hospital room . My husband and mom were there , but I can 't tell you if we spoke . I think I went right back to sleep . A while later the girls and Daddy arrived . They carried a vanilla malt I had previously requested . Neither girl wanted to come near me . I can only imagine how scary Mommy looked with the tubes going from my IV . On my legs were these devices to keep my from developing blood clots . These things made constant noise as they inflated , vibrated and deflated . This went on every few minutes . The brunette twin took stock of the room like a scientist . She asked me about everything , often with follow - up questions . The blond twin stood on the side and cried . She had quiet tears running down her face the entire time . She didn 't want to come near me . The brunette twin kept talking , but from afar . She was afraid to get too close . They didn 't stay long . I am not sure I spoke with them much . I remember them being there , but also remember drifting in and out of sleep . When I came home both girls cried as they hugged me . The brunette twin said it was the scariest day ever . I told her she was right . It was a scary day for all of us , but we were back together so things would be fine . I used to walk very quickly . I would race from here to there , in part because I 'm tall . My legs are long and it was easy to go quickly . Then we had twins . At first I was still walking quickly with the stroller . We 'd wander the neighborhood when the weather cooperated . When the girls started walking we strolled with them hand - in - hand at their pace . When they grew we started walking more quickly to keep up with them . Now we 're a two speed household . When we walk together now with our daughters who are either just a bit taller than 5 ' or just a bit shorter than 5 ' there 's about a four foot gap in strides between the two girls . The brunette twin speeds along as a normal pace walking and talking and enjoying the journey . She keeps pace with any adult . The blond twin walks so slowly that one of us has to lag behind her . It 's not that she can 't walk any quicker . We can push her to walk more quickly when we need to move along . It 's just that her natural pace is slow and rambling . I should say very slow and rambling . I notice this a lot when I 'm walking with Daddy . He moves quickly and I keep asking him to slow down . Once upon a time I walked as quickly as he does . Now I have to make a mental and physical adjustment when I walk with him or the brunette twin . On the one hand it annoys me that the blond twin walks so slowly , especially when we 're running a bit late for school in the morning . On the other hand , I admire her slow approach to getting some where . She 's just walking along , talking and taking in all the action around her . It 's probably something we should all do a bit more when we 're not on a schedule . When we went to Alaska for our first anniversary one of the cruise ship tour guides told the story of how resident in certain areas were only able to order groceries a couple of times a year . These people were cut off from most of the world for a number of months due to the weather . I thought about how hard it must be to sit in September and decide everything you were going to eat and need until May . When the girls were little I often felt like those remote Alaskan villagers when we went grocery shopping . We would stock up on food and stuff as if we were not going to have access to another store for months . Some of it was practical . We needed nearly 100 jars of baby food each week when the girls were in that stage . We 'd buy cases of baby food and keep it in the basement . We had more diapers and baby wipes than the local store . We 'd stock up on toilet paper and laundry detergent for practical purposes . If there was a snowstorm , we could eat for weeks from our freezer . It was just so hard to drag both of them to the grocery store . Oh , I know people do it all the time , but we really tried not to run out of something we really needed . We always had 20 rolls of toilet paper and a dozen boxes of cereal . Now that the girls are older , we 're trying to recalibrate our grocery shopping . We still stock up on items because we find a good sale or know we 'll need a lot of something like snacks for school lunches . What 's different is we don 't have that panicked feeling when we run out of something . We just tell the girls to get in the car and we go to the store . It 's a lot easier to go to the store with children who tie their own shoes and zip their own coats . This is a mindset change , though . We 're buying more stuff week to week and not worrying so much about what catastrophe might occur should we run out of dishwashing detergent . We still try to plan ahead and keep the house stocked , but now we 're thinking in terms of the next week or two rather than the next month or two . The blond twin was mad at me . It 's not like that 's an unusual occurrence . She 's often mad at me for some life destroying infraction or another . This time she was mad because I told her that Holly was not to sleep on the bed with them . The blond twin told me that Holly - - all by herself and without any encouragement from them by the way - - jumped on the bed the night before . In the blond twin 's version , Holly was sleeping on the floor and decided she was lonely so she jumped up on their bed . I didn 't say anything at first . I just looked at her and sighed . First of all , the girls sleep together in a double bed on the weekends . There 's hardly room for the two of them . Holly is nearly 70 lbs . When you add her into the bed it 's like putting three 4th grade girls in one bed . There 's just not enough room . Second , dogs don 't get on the furniture in this house . Holly doesn 't go on the couches or chairs . She is certainly not going to start sleeping on the beds . Yet , as I stood there talking to the blond twin Holly came into the room and jumped on the bed . She was so proud of herself . Her tail was going crazy and she nearly bounced off the bed because she was so excited . A moment later the poor dog was so confused . I took her by the collar and told her to get off the bed . She stared at the blond twin and got off the bed . I reminded the blond twin that the dog was not to go on the bed . At bedtime the girls got into bed . Holly stayed on the floor at first , but as soon as I walked out of the room I heard her dog tags jingle . I turned around and Holly was on their bed with them . The girls were telling her to get off the bed , even as they hugged her and petted her . I told Holly to get off the bed . As I walked out the door , I heard Holly get back on the bed so I helped her off it again . We did this a few times until Holly stayed on the floor - - at least long enough for me to get down the stairs . When I went in to check on the girls before going to bed Holly was back on the bed . I dragged her off again , but I 'm not sure I 'm winning the battle . In a couple of years when the girls barely fit on their beds and the dog is still sleeping on their beds they will start to complain about how they need bigger beds . I 'll remind them that the bed would be fine if they were sleeping in it by themselves . It 's not the same as getting the dog off the bed , but it might be the best I can do as long as they keep inviting her into their beds . Hockey season is upon us . We were sitting at dinner talking about the next hockey game when the blond twin said that Grampa would be watching the game . She laughed and said , " And swearing . A lot . " For some reason , the brunette twin followed up asking whether or not Grampa said the " F " word . I said that he didn 't . He had lots of swear words in his every day vocabulary , but the big " F " word wasn 't one of them . This lead to a completely off - color conversation about Grampa 's favorite swear words . We ran down the list from H - E - double hockey sticks to the witch with a b . It was pretty funny to hear the girls try to say each word without saying each word . They wanted to be clear about specific swear words without getting into trouble . We laughed and talked and Mommy swore . It was a great dinner . Somewhere my Dad was laughing his head off . We use to tell him that he couldn 't watch hockey with the grandchildren because he swore too much . Well , we 're still talking about hockey and swearing , even though he 's not here to join us . The girls and I went shopping Friday night to spend their birthday gift cards . We were wandering around a local outdoor shopping area going from store to store . They were very excited to see that Mommy was wearing a shirt similar to one on sale in one of their favorite stores . The brunette twin commented that not everything I wear is " old lady clothes . " Of course , I saw the shirt first and pointed out the display to make sure the girls saw it . I don 't have many moments when I 'm in style as far as they are concerned . I wasn 't going to let this one pass . We ended the night at a frozen yogurt shop watching people and admiring their purchases . The next day I was meeting a friend at a farmer 's market . I put on the shirt and pants I wore shopping . The blond twin said , " Are you wearing that again ? " She was appalled that I would wear the same thing twice . Of course she was . This is a child who throws clothes into the laundry basket simply because she decides she doesn 't want to wear the outfit . She 'll change clothes twice in the morning and throw everything she tried on into the basket . When the girls wear something for just a little while , say a dress to church , we always tell them to hang up the outfit when they change clothes . We remind them that it didn 't get dirty while they were sitting in church so it doesn 't need to be washed . We 're trying to get them to understand that just because a piece of clothing touches your body doesn 't mean that it needs to be washed . This is not the lesson they took from my two days in a row outfit . I explained to them that the outfit wasn 't dirty since I only wore it a couple of hours that night before . We weren 't jogging or moving furniture . We were shopping on a cool night . They didn 't buy it . We were eating dinner when Holly jumped up and started barking . We 're starting to hear a difference between the " I have to go out " bark and the " I 'm protecting my house " bark . This was a very serious " I am protecting my house " bark . The girls ran to the window and saw a person walking in front of the house . They tried to calm Holly , but she wasn 't interested . She kept barking . Eventually she came back to the living room and plopped down . A while later Holly let out her " I have to go out " bark . I put her on a leash to head outside . We walked across the street to the empty lot , walked around a bit and started to come back to our house . We were in the middle of the street when Holly started barking and the hair stood up on her back . She pulled on the leash as strongly as I 'd ever felt her pull . I looked around to see what she saw , but I didn 't see anything . Now that the deer were close Holly was going mad . I could barely keep control of the leash as I dragged her into the house . When we did make it inside , I quickly closed the door and locked it . It wasn 't the first time Holly met the neighborhood deer , but it was the closest we had come to them . I have to admit it answered a lot of questions about what was eating parts of our garden this summer . Next time I 'd like to answer those questions by looking out the window , though . Posted by Every year I dread Halloween more and more . The costumes are inappropriate and it 's a nightmare to find something suitable . This year we caught a break . The girls ' favorite movie is a new version of the teen beach movies . In fact , the movie is called Teen Beach Movie . The girls love , love , love Teen Beach Movie . The two main female characters are McKenzie and Lela . We were tossing about costume ideas when we realized that the blond twin owns a red dress with white polka dots , similar to what Lela wear in the movie . All she needed was a black wig and headband to complete the costume . The brunette twin decided to be a character as well . She really wanted to be a biker girl . We went through several resale shops looking for the right clothes . We left empty handed each time . We searched online sites without any luck . I started looking at pictures of different Teen Beach Movie scenes to figure out a new costume idea . I found one of Mac in a bright yellow sundress with red and orange flowers . It took a while , but I was able to find something very similar online at a resale site . The girls need costumes for a Girl Scout outing this weekend . I sent a message to the seller asking if she could put the package in the mail as soon as possible . I explained the urgency and crossed my fingers . A while later the seller sent a note saying she put it in the mail . She said , " Your note made my day . " We 're not sure the dress will arrive in time yet , but we 're crossing our fingers . It worked the first time . We 're hopeful it works again so Lela and Mac can hang out together in real life , just like they did in Teen Beach Movie . The girls were invited to go camping this weekend . While we were getting them ready the brunette twin asked what Mommy and Daddy were going to do while they were gone . I said , " We 're going apple picking . " I reminded her that this weekend was the only one we had open for apple picking during apple season . I asked her what she thought we 'd do while the two of them were off having fun . She said , " I don 't know . Laundry , cleaning that kind of stuff . " I laughed and told her to get back to packing . The brunette twin ran to tell her sister we were going apple picking without them . Neither one was amused , but I told them they could stay home to come with us . They packed up and bounced off with their friend and her family . We had a gorgeous day for apple picking . It was 80 and sunny , not our normal late September at all . We picked three kinds of apples , stopped at a local donut shop on the recommendation of a friend and wandered some back roads in Indiana . We have more apples than we planned , but fewer than the last time we went apple picking . The girls had a beautiful day to explore the campground . Even though we weren 't all together , we 'll have lots of fun stories to tell and lots of apple to share . Posted by Holly is having a rough day . It started early this morning . The blond twin was putting dishes in the dishwasher this morning when something happened . The blond twin said Holly 's tags were caught in the lower basket . From what I saw the blond twin wasn 't paying attention because she was talking to Holly . Whatever happened , the lower tray ended up going across the kitchen floor with the dishes and silverware going everywhere . Holly was really frightened . It was very loud . The girls were screaming . Holly was pinned against the wall with the basket on their leg . I just put my hands on my head and sighed . A few minutes later the girls were crying and hugging Holly in the family room while I tried to clean up the mess . I tossed all three of them out of the kitchen to access the damage . Somehow we only lost one dinner plate . Given the noise I was sure all the plates and bowls were destroyed . When the girls let Holly out of their embraces , the dog ran upstairs into the girls ' room . It 's her safe place and she wanted to be away from the kitchen . I had to put her on a leash and bring her down the stairs so we could feed her breakfast . Poor Holly shook the entire time . I had to drag her into the kitchen to eat . As soon as we came home from taking the girls to school Holly ran upstairs to the girls ' room . She stayed there most of the morning . When she came down she stayed away from the kitchen . It took a few hours before she went in for a drink of water . Now Holly is pacing the house . We usually walk to school about 2 : 30 p . m . to pick - up the girls from school . Holly knows her girls should be home and she 's not happy . Between pacing and whimpering , Holly can 't figure out why her girls aren 't home . She doesn 't understand that they are in the school choir this semester . Honestly she doesn 't care . She just wants her girls . We 'll leave soon to get the girls . It will help Holly to have her girls at home . She 'll calm down and play with them . It will truly be the highlight of her day . We were home for a little while after our completely unsuccessful outing when I remembered that I had some of my Mom 's old dresses in the basement . When I say old , I mean some of these are older than me . One of the dresses was a bridesmaid dress Mom wore for my paternal grandparent 's 25th wedding anniversary ceremony . The girls were very excited to see the dresses . They adore Teen Beach Movie , which is set in both the present and the 1950s . These dresses looked like the dresses the Teen Beach Movie stars wore . After debating colors and styles , the girls decided to try on their favorite dresses . The brunette twin stepped into a dress and was crushed when we realized it didn 't fit her . We couldn 't zip the dress . At first we thought it was just a fluke so she tried on a different dress . She couldn 't zip that one either . The blond twin stepped into a beautiful blue dress and it zipped easily . As she twirled I thought about what it meant . My mother , who never quite reached 5 feet tall , had the same waist as my 10 year old daughter when she wore the blue dress . The blond twin currently wears children 's clothing in size 14 . My adult mother had such a tiny , tiny waist . Even though she has always been tiny , it 's hard to envision how tiny she was as a young woman until you see her granddaughter in a dress she wore . My Dad used to say that Mom had the perfect Fifties body . In his word she had tight sweaters , a tiny waist and curvy hips . He always moved his hands when he said it to make sure we saw the hourglass figure . It was always a funny moment because Mom would blush and he would laugh . We all went " eeewwww Dad " because you just don 't think about your Mom that way . Looking at the blond twin in Mom 's dress made me realize how really , really curvy she was . The blond twin kept playing with the dress top , saying " What am I going to do with all the extra space in this top ? " The taffeta skirt flared from her waist to accommodate an hourglass figure . Mom must have been quite a cute little number in the dress . The blond twin was thrilled that she could wear Gramma 's dress . I 'm pretty sure it will be her costume to the delight of her Gramma . Somewhere my Dad is smiling at the memory of my Mom in the dress , just like we were smiling as we watched the blond twin twirl . The girls are really trying to convince us to let Holly out of her crate so she can sleep in their room . Last night Holly stayed in their room after we put them to bed . She slept on the floor between their beds . The girls decided Holly might get cold at night so they put a blanket on her . A while later Daddy found Holly sleeping happily under her blanket . He took her out of their room so she could go out before sleeping in her crate . The girls were not happy to wake up and find Holly in the crate . They have been lobbying hard to make their bedroom Holly 's bedroom . I replied , " Well , we did put you in a crib for your own safety when you were Holly 's age . It was kind of like a crate . The crib had a floor and bars on the sides so you didn 't roll out . It didn 't have a top , but you weren 't strong enough to get out . " The girls were horrified to think that their cribs were like crates . They hadn 't thought about it like that before this morning . I tried to explain that Holly goes in the crate for her safety until we 're sure she won 't chew a shoe and choke on it or try to get into something under the sink . They still don 't like that Holly is going to sleep in the crate for a while longer . For a moment they were distracted by the idea that they slept in a crate . It was only a momentary distraction , but I found it really entertaining . It took a minute , but they were able to adapt their arguments about putting Holly in their bedroom . They won 't win , but I 'll give them credit for persistence . Posted by It all started with a family birthday party on Saturday , September 7 . Both sides of the family were well - represented for a bar - b - que . Our neighbor has a huge yard and he lets us set - up a volleyball net . We also had croquet set - up so there was plenty to do . Of course the bean bag game was in constant use with my brothers and the nephews trash talking the whole time . Tuesday the girls went with Grammie to the beauty parlor for a salon date . They can 't stop talking about it and neither can Grammie . I might be insulted that the brunette twin thinks I should go to " her " stylist for a " good " haircut . I 'm pretty sure she doesn 't think I have a good haircut now . The other day she commented on my pony tail . I said , " It 's 100 degrees outside in September . I 'm walking your dog all day . Yes , my hair is staying in the pony tail . " Yesterday the girls walked outside our front door to see two new mountain bikes . They stared for a minute because they didn 't realize the bikes were theirs . I kept telling them that Holly was their birthday gift . Later the blond twin said , " Holly would have been enough for my birthday , but I really like my bike . " The brunette twin was thrilled as soon as she started pedaling . She had been complaining for a while that her bike was too small for her . She couldn 't wait to ride her new bike . Today it 's a friends party at our house . We 'll have ten or twelve little girls in all their tween glory . The party invite was for a spa and sundae party . A friend 's daughter and her friends are coming over to paint nails and supervise games . The girls will have their nails painted , watch Teen Beach Movie or a One Direction video and eat ice cream . I told the girls this morning that today was the end of their birthday week celebration . This is their actual 10th birthday , so it 's a fitting end to a fun week . Posted by For their birthday , Grammie gave the girls an afternoon at her beauty parlor . Since then the girls have talked endlessly about what they were going to have done to their hair and nails . We 've had lengthy discussions about different hair styles . They have discussed nail colors for fingers and toes . Today the three of them set off for the adventure . When they came home all they could talk about was Grammie dancing with one of the employees . The girls were amazed that Grammie was such a good dancer . This didn 't surprise me at all . When we used to go to family weddings , we 'd all get off the dance floor to watch my parents dance the jitterbug . They had several dances they enjoyed , but it was lovely to watch them dance together . It never looked like it should work . Dad was just a bit taller than 6 ' and Mom never hit 5 ' . It didn 't seem to matter when they danced . When they were done telling me about Grammie dancing the girls babbled about getting their hair cut . " They put me head in a bowl and washed my hair . " " They put all kinds of good smelly lotions in my hair . " They talked and talked about choosing their nail polish and the mechanics of a French manicure . They were bubbly and giggly and happy . The brunette twin tried to hard sell the idea of eating dinner at a restaurant tonight . She said , " Everyone at the salon said we were so pretty you should take us out and show us off . We look too good to stay home . " We will take them out to show off their new hair cuts , but not today . What she doesn 't realize yet is the salon day made her feel good , but she 's beautiful every day . We have lots of time to show off our beautiful girls . The girls practice their piano songs every day . A couple of days after Holly joined the family she started howling when the blond twin played the Star Spangled Banner . It was so funny we laughed until we cried . Holly starts a few bars into the song with a few small sounds then she really goes crazy . Sometimes she 's so loud you can hardly hear the blond twin play . This morning the brunette twin was playing when Holly decided to start singing to her song . As soon as the brunette twin played a different song , Holly just sat there as if she was waiting for the first song to start again . The brunette twin played the first song again just to hear Holly sing . It 's a funny thing to watch . The girls are trying to figure out why Holly sings to some songs and not others . I told them not to over think the situation . Everyone likes different music . Holly is just letting them know her favorite songs . The first night Holly was home she went into her crate nicely . She walked right in and we all went to sleep . The second night she hesitated , but eventually went in . Now she 's in a full rebellion . It 's clear Holly does not want to sleep in her crate . Even better , she 's taking matters into her own teeth so to speak . Yesterday she started pulling her blanket out of her crate with her teeth . The blond twin put it back , but shortly after Holly started to pull the blanket out again . This time we were eating lunch and reprimanded her . She stopped pulling the blanket out and left it about half - way out of the crate . The blond twin put it back again . We 're not quite sure we want her to have full access to the house while we sleep . She doesn 't seem interested in chewing anything . I confirmed this today when Holly stretched out in the family room . There was a flip flop next to her face . She put a paw up and I thought she was going to move it to her mouth . Instead she swatted it across the rug out of her way . We 're pretty sure she 'd be fine , but we don 't really know her well yet . We might end up putting her in the kitchen with two baby gates to restrict her movement . It will give her more freedom than a crate , but still keep her in a safe place . We 're going to try the crate again tonight . If we have the same reaction then we 'll start looking at other options . It will just be easier on all of us . Holly is settling in to our house just fine . It 's so nice that she was already trained - - both with some commands and house trained . There 's an entire adjustment period we 're skipping . This morning the girls got up and took her outside first thing . One of the nice things about Holly is she 's big , but really , really gentle . Both girls have walked her without any problems . She still pulls pretty hard on her leash when we first walk out the door , but she calms down quickly . The one thing we 're getting used to is her barking . Yes , I realize dogs bark , but Oreo never barked . He made some other sounds , although I wouldn 't say those sounded like barks . Siberian Huskies as a breed don 't bark . A Great Pyrenees is a guard dog . They bark . When Holly first barked we all jumped . She has a deep , angry sounding bark . She doesn 't bark a lot in the house so whenever she does she has our attention . Last night the girls were putting on her leash to take her outside . Holly started barking . I was in the kitchen doing dishes so I yelled to Daddy to make sure everything was ok . Of course , he was already on the way . We thought there was some problem with Holly and the girls . We were wrong . There was a woman walking in front of our house . Holly was letting the stranger know to stay away from our house . There 's a story I tell about Oreo and the postman . One day I walked by the door and the postman was standing there with a big box . I asked him why he didn 't ring the doorbell . He said he thought the dog would bark . Oreo just looked at him and stretched out on the ground . It 's clear that with Holly , I 'll always know if someone is at the door . Posted by
|
When the CAP testing first was announced , I did not worry too much . My wife , Janice , begged me to participate in the early testing , and I did quietly set up a test one weekend . However , when the test returned a three point nine score for me , I hid the card in the back of my wallet and never spoke of the testing . I could not say the testing was wrong . Looking back now I have to say that I loved my wife and our then two children , but deep down I was a selfish and shallow man who was loyal only to himself . I did not cheat on Janice , I did not have the passion needed for that , but I always held something back . I never offered more than the absolute minimum of my time or efforts , and it showed in my life . I had few friends , and struggled in business . But , Janice and I still had a good life . Financially things would get tight at times as my work habits annoyed my employers and my salary reflected my lack of devotion to work . Janice controlled the finances at home and was surprisingly good at finding bargains and deals which helped us to survive . It was the special episode of " Average Joes " that opened my eyes to what my future might hold . I did not watch the show , but it was the talk of the office the next day and the news about the coming Sa ' arm attack clearly worried many of my co - workers . I ended up feeling a momentary twinge of guilt that I could not save my by then three children , but years of thinking mostly of myself kept me from acting . I did investigate possible ways to save Janice , but in the end she was the one to show me how strong a love she had for her children . We had stopped at a McDonald 's for lunch one Saturday shortly after my thirtieth birthday and found ourselves in the middle of a pickup . As I sat there in shock Janice stripped to her panties and crawled up to one of the men who had been announced as a sponsor . At home she had always been inhibited about sex . She even still wore a floor length flannel nightgown every night , only lifting it up for me to enter her before covering up and turning away from me . That day was the most erotic and disturbing day I could have imagined in my thirty years . One of the men growled something to Janice and she immediately took his cock into her mouth , giving him what appeared to be an enthusiastic if novice blowjob . She was clearly getting into it when one of the other sponsors came up behind her and after exchanging words with the man she was fellating , ripped her panties off and started fucking her doggie style . My jaw dropped at this point . Janice and I had been virgins when we married , and she had never seemed all that interested in sex . Now , the woman who had lived with me for nine years , and given birth to my three children was performing like a porn actress in the middle of a fast - food restaurant . And it did not end when both men pulled out of her . I could tell that the blowjob must have worked as Janice had cum dripping down her chin , but rather than wiping her face in disgust as I expected , she merely smiled as the man pulled her to her feet . He looked over at a young co - ed who was standing nearby . I thought I was done with shocks , but Janice walked over to this girl and knelt at her feet . Then with a smile on her face she pulled the girl forward and starting sucking on the co - ed 's pussy . Our children were confused , but I was beyond speech at that point . I just put my head down and cried , trying to close my ears to the sounds of sex going on around me . My eldest son , Jeremy tried to ask me what mom was doing , but I said nothing until Janice came back over with the man . I wiped my face against the back of my arm before looking up , trying to hide my tears . " I understand , Janice . Please , take good care of the children . I 'll miss them and you . " Janice looked sad for a moment , but gathered the children up as the co - ed walked over to help . " You 'll survive , " Janice told me . " Now , why don 't you step up and try to get picked up ? " Janice gave me one final shrug and took Jeremy by the hand while lifting Alicia into her arms . The co - ed had managed to get Daniel to stand . I sat there wishing I could change things as they walked away , Jeremy giving me one final wave before my family stepped into the transport beam and left Earth . I went home , to a quiet and empty house . The rest of that evening and the next day I spent looking at the walls of my house and asking myself what I had done wrong . Janice and I had been childhood sweethearts , and I had promised to always protect her , but her actions at the pickup proved my words a lie . How could I have protected her with such a poor CAP score ? And more importantly , why had I always held so much back of myself . I knew that my failure to give of myself was the reason for my poor score , but twenty hours of drinking and contemplation later I was no closer to an answer as to why I refused to open up . The next day I showed up for work still in shock about the whole experience . The shock ended up with me changing what I did at work . With no family at home , and the empty home acting as a reminder of my own failures , I hid from my problems at work , throwing myself into projects . I discovered a new need to help my co - workers and soon was being invited out for lunches and after work drinks . My heartache faded , but did not quite go away during this time . My co - workers knew that my wife had been picked up , but none knew about the circumstances surrounding the pickup , nor my feelings of failure that arose during it . Instead , they seemed to think of me as a quiet but helpful man , who would listen to them spin tales of woe without condemning them for their mistakes . I guess I should have come out of my shell , but inside I still missed Janice terribly and mourned for my lost family . I could listen to the others , but spoke little of myself outside work related topics , concentrating on work whenever possible . However , time did deaden the pain and nine months later , during a Friday night at the bar with my co - workers , Missy dropped into my lap and my life . Missy , or more formally Melissa Jean Scott , was a young widow trying to care for her two children with the help of a small insurance settlement from the company where her husband had worked . We met one night when my co - workers had managed to pull me away from putting together the month - end reports and get me to a bar . I was sitting at the table watching the dance floor and finishing off my fifth or sixth beer of the evening while reviewing the basketball scores from the night before , when a fight broke out and Missy was knocked into my lap . I found myself looking into the deepest set of hazel eyes I had ever seen . I sat there silently for several moments as my brain tried to compose an answer . " I don 't know . Do you want me to ? " To my shock , this lady burst out laughing . " I should warn you , I have two children waiting at home . If you accept me , you are accepting them . " There was a roaring in my ears after she said that . The silence extended and the woman relaxed her arms and started to stand up . Suddenly , I came to life and put my arms around her , pulling her deeper onto my lap . " Come home with me . And tomorrow we can meet your children together . " The woman just said there in shock for a moment and then smiled . " I 'm Missy , how about we leave now . You willing to pay for the cab ? " I just nodded and stood up , discovering that I was a bit drunker than I had expected . Missy dashed off , but returned a moment later carrying her purse and put an arm under my shoulder , helping steady me as we made our way to the door . I could hear a couple of my co - workers call out to me , but after a pause at the bar to ask about a cab , Missy and I exited the bar . The cold air helped sober me up some and I turned to look at my new companion . Missy smiled as we stood there and the giggled . " You just realized what you did , I see . " I nodded . " But I 'm not complaining . It 's just , I know nothing about you , and I think I just asked you to become my girlfriend . " Missy giggled louder . " Well , let 's start with the simple one . Do you really think I 'm beautiful ? " She let go of my arm and pirouetted in front of me . I let out a long slow wolf whistle . Missy stood five foot six , and her body had the slender curves of a healthy woman who got regular exercise . Part of me wanted to ask if she really had two children , but before I could speak , she pulled the left side of her blouse up a bit and revealed the faint scar from a C - section operation . Missy smiled . " This scar shows why . I have two children waiting for me . Amber is four and Alex Junior is two . Sadly , their father died in an industrial accident at the wind farm last year . And now , few men are interested in me , because I won 't leave my children . " I sighed and closed my eyes . " A year ago , I was married and had three children . Nine months ago , right after my thirtieth birthday , we went to a McDonald 's as a treat for the children . There was a pickup . " I could hear Missy gasp , but I continued . " Neither Janice , nor I had the CAP to volunteer , but Janice was determined . As I watched she crawled naked across the floor of the restaurant , accepting the commands of two of the volunteers . When the interdiction field was lifted , I was sitting alone . My wife and children had left with the marines for a new life on another planet . " I dropped to the ground for a moment . " I could do nothing for them . I promised my wife I 'd protect her when we got married . I was a father , and I could not lift a finger for my children . I failed them . " I was sure Missy was going to run off , but I felt her arms reach around my neck . " I 'm sorry , I didn 't know , " she whispered . " Come , let 's go see my children , perhaps they can start you on the path to healing . " I was incapable of protesting at that moment . My little speech has been the first time I had admitted how helpless the pickup had made me feel and I was shaken by how much emotion I had bottled up for months . Missy just held me until the cab arrived and then guided me into the seat , giving the cab driver directions . The drive took us to a very poor part of town , and finally led to a battered apartment building that was little better than a slum . I sat silently as Missy negotiated with the driver . She made it clear that she needed to run inside for a few moments , but wanted him to wait with me in the cab until she returned . The driver was not happy with the idea , but I roused myself enough to hand him forty dollars and he grudgingly agreed to wait no more than fifteen minutes . It was probably twenty minutes before Missy reappeared . She had changed from the flirty dress she had worn at the club and was now wearing jeans and a t - shirt . In her arms was a very sleepy two - year - old boy and just behind her an older lady was leading a young girl while carrying a couple of suitcases . I opened the door and Missy quickly put the boy inside . I stared at Missy as her friend closed the door . Missy motioned for me to give the cab driver directions to my home and I turned to tell him my home address . I could feel the car pull away and turned back to Missy . " Lover ? " Missy blushed . " Well , you offered to take me and my children in . I thought you would like being my lover . I haven 't had a man since Alex was killed . " I stared for a moment at Missy who looked at the floor of the cab . Next to me I could hear Alex Junior fuss a bit , and felt Amber put a gentle hand on my knee . For a moment my thoughts came to a stop , but then I reached out and put my arms around Missy . " I invited you to my home because I wanted to help , " I whispered . " My bed is open , but never believe that you have to be there . Only come if you truly desire to be with me . " " Its not much , " I admitted . " I 'm afraid that after Janice and the kids left for some colony I kind of stopped caring about how it looked . The inside is good , and both Amber and Alex can have rooms of their own . " Missy had set her suitcase just inside the door and wandered down the hall . It was not hard to see which of the three smaller bedrooms had belonged to each of my children , and before I could talk to her Alex was settled into the crib that Daniel had last slept in nine months before . He fussed a moment , obviously unhappy to be in an unfamiliar house , but Missy sang him a gentle lullaby as I brought the suitcases back with me . Missy giggled . " Yes , our room . Stop trying to be noble and accept it . I need some time to sing Alex to sleep , but Amber is falling asleep where she stands . Put her to bed and you can wait for me in our room . " I shook my head , but managed to coax Amber into following me down the hall to Alicia 's room , where I lifted her into the bed and even fluffed the pillow to help her sleep . She seemed a bit distressed that her mother was not there , but the bed was soft and her tired body drifted into slumber quickly . As her breathing slowed , I tiptoed out ; leaving the door cracked open in case Missy wanted to check on her daughter . At that point I stumbled into my own room , and removed my clothing . Part of me wanted to shower off the residue of smoke and beer that lingered around me from the bar , but I was simply too tired . Once I had removed my briefs I crawled under the blankets of my bed and closed my eyes . The combination of too many long nights and a few too many beers had me deep in sleep , so I never felt the bed move when Missy crawled up next to me some time later . I discovered her presence the next morning when I woke up spooned into her and holding her right breast with my left hand . I had a bit of a hangover and struggled to piece together what was happening , but quickly realized that something was not right and tried to disengage from Missy . I coughed . " No . It 's just . . . well . . . Its not right , " I sputtered as I tried to pull away . " Besides I need to use the toilet . " Missy looked down between us at my cock , which was standing at attention between us . " Aww , you mean that isn 't for me ? " she vamped . " It 's a nice one too . " I gasped , for a moment I could not remember Missy 's name and growled . " Lady . Right now I 'm trying to remember what I did last night . I 'm trying to be an honorable man and not take advantage of you , please let me go . " Missy threw her arms around me and held me tighter for a moment . I struggled to get free , but a moment later she released me with a giggle . " Very well . Missy will let you run to the bathroom , " she said as she pushed me away . I stood shakily and hurried to the bathroom before I embarrassed myself . As soon as I no longer felt the urgent need to piss , I paused to look into the mirror . I could see no signs of lipstick on my face or neck . Still it was clear I had partied heavily the night before , and I again wondered what had happened . I turned to leave the bathroom to find Missy standing just outside the door , waiting for me . Before I could protest she gave me a long kiss and then spun me around and pushed me onto the bed . I fell onto my back and my cock stood up proudly . I tried to protest , but Missy had followed me down and before I could get my arms under me she had straddled me and thrust her pussy down over my cock with a moan . She was slowly rocking her body over my cock , rubbing her pussy up and down . She looked at me with a sigh . " I 'm honoring our agreement . " She giggled . " Well , we never talked about it , but I think its fair . You took my children and me in , and are going to be the daddy . Shouldn 't the daddy and mommy have sex ? " I was struggling to sit up , but Missy was slowly speeding up her thrusts on my cock , and after nine months without a woman , I was rapidly approaching orgasm . Missy was obviously close as well as she began moaning passionately . I managed to put my arms on her hips thinking to lift her off , but Missy gasped out an orgasm , and instead I pulled her hips down , thrusting my cock deep inside her and cumming myself . Missy collapsed forward , her breasts falling onto my chest as both of us caught our breath . She had her eyes closed and I felt tears fall against my neck . I was trying to figure out what had happened when she reached up and gently kissed me . " That was the first time I 've ever cum during sex , " she admitted quietly . Missy nodded sadly . " I lied to you last night . Not about being a widow , Alex really did die last year while at a windfarm , but he did not work there . He was one of those thrill - seeking BASE jumpers and somehow got a wild idea to jump off a windmill . But he chose one that spun vertically . I never went to see it , but I guess the blades are in a diamond - like shape and spin around a center pole . " I nodded . It had been a few years , but I remembered seeing windmills in this configuration years ago . Missy smiled as I did and then continued . " Well , I guess you already have a guess as to what happened . Alex opened his chute and the spinning blades caught his chute almost immediately . The doctors think the whiplash from that killed him instantly , but the fall would have been fatal anyways . But , there was no insurance because Alex was violating several laws when he jumped . I 've been living with an old retired lady , but there was no space , and not much money . When you offered your house , I couldn 't take a chance that you would change your mind . " Missy giggled . " Oh , but I wanted to . I wasn 't as horny as you , since it hadn 't been nine months for me , but five months without sex was getting to me . Even if it had been terrible sex . " Missy nodded . " With Alex it was always missionary with the lights off . I never came , and he didn 't try to initiate it very often or ever try to help me out . " The rest of the day ended up being spent playing with the children and discovering that my drunken pledge of the night before had given me a ready - made family . With the memory of my failures with Janice never far from my mind , I spent my time playing games and reading to the two young children while Missy hovered , always close enough for me to hug or kiss . I remained a bit worried about how happy Missy was , but she gave freely of her affection , and by the time we wrapped our arms around each other Sunday night after a vigorous and passionate bout of lovemaking I realized that I was happier than I had ever been before . That happiness continued for the next six months . I remained active at work , regularly putting in ten hours days , but my period of sixty - hour weeks ended quietly . Instead I was arriving early so I could be home before five . Once home I was spending hours with Amber , Junior and Missy , enjoying their presence in my life . Weekends were even more fun as Amber and Junior loved outings and their simple and honest enthusiasm infected Missy and me . Missy worked hard to make sure I never regretted my decision . The five suitcases that she had brought to the cab that first night proved to contain all of her family 's worldly possessions , and when I insisted on adding to her store of clothing , she dragged me to the stores and demanded that I approve every outfit . I was astounded by her decisions . She never selected any pants . The skirts she found were rarely long enough to reach the middle of her thigh and the blouses she did find always seemed to be near transparent . Missy did not really need a bra as her 36B breasts were tight and firm , but I still ended up sitting in on more than one private fashion show in lingerie stores , with Missy making her decisions based on what outfits made my cock rise . And the sex was amazing . Missy never refused me when I started foreplay . She even took to pouncing on me with kisses and hugs , an action that always resulted in my stripping her naked and finally collapsing on her after cumming deep inside her pussy . Things were idyllic for me . Once again I had a family . More importantly I had a discussion with one of the officials manning the local CAP testing center . Since my only test had occurred more than two years before I had the option to test again . The standard policy was to retest on your birthday , but as I inquired about this four months after Missy had entered my life , I was looking at an eleven - month wait . The official promised to look into a waiver to allow an early test . Everything was moving along near perfectly . The official had called me and said that the Confederacy AIs had agreed to allow me to retest exactly three months after my official birthday . I was hopeful that I would obtain a much better score , and on a Monday , twelve days before my retest I stopped by a jewelry store to purchase a ring , which I concealed at work , planning on bringing it home the day of my test , which I was keeping secret from Missy . It was near perfect , and that Saturday , we headed to the mall to look at summer clothing and swimsuits for everyone . Missy seemed to sense that I had a big surprise planned and was more flirty than normal , once reducing a poor teen salesclerk to blushing with her outrageous antics . I just thought about how happy this was making me . We were having a family outing and I was already picturing Missy 's happy reaction as she danced in front of me when we heard a scream . To this day the next minute is burned into my mind . The mall we were at had a large Cineplex in the center , and there was a major blockbuster out . The lines to get tickets filled the mall , and with that one shout , the entire crowd stampeded towards Missy and me , charging towards the interdiction field . I waited where I was , hoping that Missy would be able to break free . Amber and Alex cowered against my legs , as the crowd grew louder and angrier . Finally the field vanished , and there was a momentary riot before the crowd dispersed in disgruntlement as the pickup was over . I looked out and still could not see Missy , so I slowly led Amber and Alex in the direction the crowd had stampeded . I could see a couple broken bodies lying on the ground and gripped both children 's hands tightly reflecting on the possibility that they could have been victims . Unfortunately , we turned a corner and discovered that Missy had also become one of the casualties . I let go of the children 's hands and ran forward to where Missy 's body lay . To my eternal shock her eyes were open and she reached out with her right hand . " David . . . " she whispered as Amber and Alex caught up to me . They tried to touch her , but I gathered them into my arms as tears streamed down my face . Missy struggled to smile . " You saved them . Thank you . David , I 'm sorry . I wanted to be with you forever . You brought so much excitement to my life , and so much love . Promise me you 'll protect our children . You weren 't the man who created them with me , but they are yours . Love them for me . Please . " I wanted to put a hand out , but I could see no safe place to touch . Missy 's left arm , and both legs were broken and twisted , and the left side of her chest appeared crushed . Trying to clear the tears from my eyes I nodded . " I will my love . I 'm sorry , I failed to protect you . " I sat there wailing my agony for the next hour . Amber and Alex were crying as well . I was so broken I did not notice as the mall security arrived to assist medical personnel in helping some survivors of the riot . Later , I would hear that fifteen children lost their lives along with Missy in the stampede towards the interdiction field , but at the time all I could think of was the loss of my lover . I struggled to get through the rest of the weekend , but did remember to call my friend at the testing center . After I explained that my lover had been killed in the mall riot , he promised to get my test rescheduled , although I was tempted to tell him not to bother . I could only think of the box sitting on my desk at work , containing the engagement ring I would now never present to Missy . Monday , I returned to work , a sad and near broken man . Amber understood only that her mother was gone , but had decided that it was her mission to cheer me up , so when I tried to sleep in and mourn , she dragged me out of bed and insisted that I go to work . I did , but took her and her brother with me . That proved to start an interesting conversation when I set them up in a corner of my cubicle . I was just finishing a weekly report and fired it off attached as an email before turning to look at him . " Sorry Peter , " I replied once the email was on its way . " Their mother was killed on Saturday , and I have nowhere else to send them . They are good children . " Peter stared at me just as one of the executive secretaries Heidi strolled by and noticed the children . She looked at Peter and me and then spoke . " David ? I thought your children were taken away by the Confederacy over a year ago . Where did these two come from ? " I could not nod as the memory crashed into me . Instead I put my head down on my hands and sobbed . Peter said something , but I could hear Heidi bark . " Oh fuck you ! If I 'm not mistaken he was going to ask her to marry him , and its not like he hasn 't worked harder than anyone else recently . Leave him alone . " That short meeting set the stage for the rest of the week . Getting Amber and Alex up early was not possible , so I was arriving at work after seven and putting in eight hours while the two children played quietly in the corner of my cubicle . Heidi and some of the other office ladies stopped by to visit , but Peter stayed away . I expected some trouble , but I had turned the building of the various reports into a very routine procedure long ago , and had no trouble keeping up the workload despite reducing my hours . The only sad news I received that first week was when my friend at the testing center reported that I would have to wait until my birthday before I could test again .
|
Krycek sat on the edge of the bed , head in hand . It had seemed like a dream , and at the same time it had felt as real as any time he 'd ever spent with her . Like they 'd had hours together and like nothing more than a moment , the way your life flashed before you when you thought you were about to die . He glanced at the clock : 3 : 17 . At least two hours had passed . If it had been real . But if it hadn 't , why would he feel like this , as if something inside him had been gutted ? She 'd been warm and happy to see him . He 'd been alternately high as a kite and strangely sober , as if he were about to shatter into a million pieces . They 'd talked about nothing and everything . Stayed close . Made promises . Made love . He 'd fallen asleep in her arms . She 'd come because she 'd sensed the day 's turmoil inside him . Which , on the one hand , had been embarrasing as hell , though it had given him the chance to apologize for not trusting her . Though she 'd understood . She always understood , whether he deserved the confidence she had in him or not . In the end - - maybe that 's what this heaviness was - - they 'd resolved not to meet that way again unless the need were dire . They had to stay focused , each do their part . Stay alive , and out of the old man 's clutches : that in itself was a victory . At least , it was supposed to be . Krycek sniffed back the moisture in his nose , then got up and padded into the bathroom in the dark . When he came out again , he drifted to the narrow window at the foot of the bed . Pushing out a sharp breath , he rubbed his thumb across the glass . Mulder 's hand probed the mattress beside him . The sheets were She raised her eyebrows . " I don 't think I 've ever felt this kind of trepidation before . In a way , you never . . . you go into an risk , or danger . This could be nothing , it could be just " - - her hands went up - - " a parcel delivery , if it 's what it appears to be . Land , unload , make a side trip . " haven 't really realized what there was to lose until now . Maybe there wasn 't this much to lose before . And how do you decide what 's an acceptable risk ? What move do I not make , what " Yes . Quite possibly . " A pause . He patted his breast pocket and looked down at the crumpled package on the table . " While we 're on the subject of fingerprints , I have two more locations for you . No hurry . When the Baltimore work has been done . " Stretching his neck to one side , he ran the pad of a finger over a small red mark near his collar bone . It was a sign : proof that he hadn 't just imagined her last night . Now if only he could look at it the way she did - - an unexpected gift of time together rather than an ending , the start of a long dry spell . Turning away , he headed out into the other room . It promised to be a long day , and whether he stayed focused on the task at hand could make the difference between keeping her hidden and giving the old man a bead on her . . . along with Mulder and Scully . Or handing himself to the old man on a silver platter . The old man seemed to be stuck on picking up the pony - tailed guy from the hospital . He 'd never brought over sketches in the middle of the night before . There had been no word from him this morning - - yet . But the old man would be back to him sometime soon - - probably within a few Maria blinked at the stubborn wetness in the corner of her eye and refocused on the road . It was a ridiculous thought . Yes , there was the revolver , but she was no assassin ; she couldn 't even make it five minutes from Brian 's without her eyes tearing up and threatening to endanger her view of the road . But something would have to be done - - and quickly - - about Fox Mulder . Taking no action would mean committing to flight yet again , as if she were no more than an itinerant gypsy . Years more in some town or compound , having to trade pleasantries , put on a persona , build trust . If she moved , it was unlikely there 'd be another Brian , either . It had been comfortable to accept his affection in much the way she 'd accepted her parents ' , the spotlight on precocious little Maria , everyone charmed . He 'd been her rock more than he knew , her stability , the Slowly Tracy opened her eyes to take in filtered morning light , but quickly closed them again , patching together an image of Alex from the dissolving remnant of the dream . For a brief moment he smiled at her , his hand extended . She took it in her mind , felt the grip firm against hers and let go . Opening her eyes , she sat up . Morning . And reality , even if not the one she 'd choose . She glanced around Heather 's barely familiar spare room . Beyond the large window tall trees spread a kind of leafy green tranquility . It was the perfect setting . She slipped her legs over the side of the bed and paused . An odd feeling passed through her , of something being set in Pausing in front of the news rack , Krycek dug two quarters from his pocket and dropped them into the slot . A clunk and the door to the box was released . He pulled it open , steadied the door with the prosthesis , reached quickly inside and removed a paper . Sunday papers were a pain with all their inserts , heavy enough to slip away from a single working hand and land everywhere . Carefully he laid the paper on top of the vending machine and worked out the classifieds . Tucking the section of newspaper between his dead arm and body , he turned to go but halted mid - stride , his eye caught by a poster stapled to a power pole near the alley . Tracy 's picture was on it . He went closer . Reward for information . . . disappeared . . . beloved daughter . . . in need of regular medication for a chronic condition . His fist curled tight . He fought the urge to punch the pole . In the picture , Tracy was the date - - Thursday , the day they 'd been at her place . The one day they 'd had to themselves . He tightened and shook his head no . " Hadn 't planned on buying anything . . . " Back pocket - - there were a couple of bills in there . Reaching in , he came up with a five . He pushed it across the counter , put the apartment . He swallowed . The old man was dead serious about finding her . Like the nurse , the one he 'd mentioned last night ; they could be tailing the woman already , one of his goons lying in wait for her . Or the brake from it unsuspecting . He 'd expected the old man to try and track her , but there 'd been no way to tell he 'd bear down this hard . He still had Mulder 's thing pointing at him . The old man might have gotten to her already , anyway . Though if she talked , the old man might find himself one step closer to Mulder , which meant - - His jaw set . What he wouldn 't give for two good two hands he could use to wring the old fucker 's neck . He paused , willing his anger away . A low - grade tension seeped in to take its place . Krycek refocused on his building . " Yeah , she . . . She always thinks I 'm just joking when I say anything about working for the Bureau but she 's good . She 's got good sense and she 's got drive . A lot of potential there . " He paused , refocusing on her . " You look good , FBI woman . A pair of shades - - " could be halfway around the world , or somehow beyond reach . Or he could be dead ; danger was certainly inherent in his lifestyle . He 'd always seemed coiled , ready to spring , as if the world were about to collapse in pieces around him . Perhaps it was . Spender could have found him out in some double - dealing and done away fallen victim to the blinders of personal attachment . He 'd always protected Teena - - long , in fact , after there had ceased to be any strategic reason for doing so . He 'd He refocused on the phone and jabbed the end of a cold Morley around in the pile of ash in the ashtray . " Have you finished tracing those reservations ? The Krycek pulled up , went to the refrigerator and opened the door . Same stuff as before - - no surprise . He let the door close again and reached into his pocket , feeling for the little card . The earring was warm from being next to his body . He rubbed it lightly with his thumb . They 'd given each other resources , strength ; that 's what she 'd said in the dream , staring into the abyss of their separation . It was away , not a soul aware of where they were . Like match flame , the good things in life sparked in a moment and disappeared just as quickly . Or maybe they just did in his life . Paco had his wife and daughter . Mulder had Scully . you . The old man 's focus on catching the guy from the hospital was a help , at least . A card to play : encourage his focus there , keep it off Tracy 's disappearance . Or his own possible involvement . And in the meantime , scan those personals . Get Ché to put feelers out , see if he could dig up anything about this Pasadena lab . He should write to Tolya , too . It was time to move . The planet was always spinning ; loosen your grip and you were liable to get thrown off , spun stopped . He shook his head . " Just trying to switch gears , I guess . This " - - he looked at the hand - - " doesn 't help much . " " So I 'm finding . " Pausing , he pursed his lips . The room fell into silence . In a tree outside the window , a jay squawked repeatedly , stopped and then could be heard again , farther She sat down on the corner of the bed . " I know . But I was thinking about that last night . Who 's to say that caring about someone who 's taught you a lot , who 's stood up for you , who you 've shared something special with . . . that it has to turn into a weakness when you 're apart ? You still have what they 've given you . It doesn 't just disappear when they 're out of your She looked down at her lap and swallowed . " I guess it 's one of those things that comes to me , only I don 't always know what to trust of what I see . And - - " She looked away . One hand pressed against the other . Mulder scowled and finally shrugged . It was natural for her to see things , possibly things that other people would never see , but Krycek was a less than likely candidate for visions . " I don 't " No . I feel like . . . like something 's about to happen , but I don 't know if it 's something to do with you and Scully , or Alex , or . . . " Her hands tightened again . She looked up suddenly . " I just remembered something . The man who 's going to drive Scully to her mother ? " " The old man 's looking for him . He brought Alex sketches last night , different ways he might look . You know , long hair , short hair . Different colors . " " Sometimes I can . . . travel into people 's heads . Or I find myself someplace with them . Not necessarily where they are physically , but somewhere both of us are , where we can communicate . That 's what happened with Skinner the first time . I didn 't that way . I did last night . " Warmth flooded her at the memory . " I just needed to know that he was okay . " She looked down a moment . determined the old man seemed to find him . To catch you , I guess . To pay you back for winning that move - - the one with Scully 's mother . It 's like a chess game to the old man . I think maybe Scully - - " Mulder reached for the mouse to click on the mail program at the bottom of the screen . A pause , a grimace , a redirect . Mouse in the left the information to Langley and Frohike by cell phone . Then she and Byers would be gone , on their way to her mother . Undoubtedly he 'd bring a laptop so they could send word to Mulder when the other two determined what the boxes held . Hopefully the information , whatever it turned out to be , would prove useful . In a way , it seemed ridiculous to go after the Smoking Man , like the young shepherd Scully looked out the window and down onto the increasingly rolling blues and greens far below . Her weapon was in her purse , the compartment that held it halfway unzipped , a full magazine inserted . She could feel Run and it would be a new game , new rules . No safety . There would be no place to hide , only the assurance that the old man , and possibly the group itself , would have their packs of dogs out sniffing the ground for him , determined to make him pay for the treason of leaving them . It was possible , of course , that the old man actually was the lynchpin of this whole thing , that leaving him would mean leaving some kind of safety net he hadn 't yet identified . But old man or no old man , the fact was that he was stretched thin now with lies that could all too easily unravel , and if he stuck around long enough for that to happen , his chance to look into this new possibility would be gone . Pasadena could turn out to be nothing . . . or it could be critical , something that would actually make a difference in the end . But what were the percentages ? Committing to investigating it would mean leaving everything - - including any hope of safety - - behind . Returning to the bed , he opened the laptop and tapped on the mail program . " No , it 's okay . I 'm used to this . " She looked up and smiled . " Though my father always maintained that my mother and I the spaces between hangars . No one . She took a deep breath , hoping it would flush the tension from her stomach . At the third building she turned and glanced passed and she saw that one man was standing in the doorway . The glare made it difficult to tell if he was looking in her direction or not . Scully slid the zipper on her purse open hair . Adrenaline surged ; Scully fought the urge to run toward her . Forcing herself to cross deliberately , she took measured steps , watching the hard pavement and the approaching corner of the building . Looking up , she nodded briefly to the woman in the shadows , who when he was here and not with Scully , Bethy would curl up next to him and read aloud . Samantha 'd read , but not this way . She 'd had other things to occupy her , friends made himself move again and returned to the bedroom . Taking another drink , he set the glass down on the bedside table . What would Sandy have thought about Tracy 's reaction to the haircut ? She hadn 't said anything but person to see him unable , forced to accept someone 's help for the most basic of things . She made it easy , though , unobtrusive . Mulder 's lips curled . Krycek , one - armed and always looking over his Krycek possibly have to give her , of all people ? And if it had gotten more personal , as Scully presumed . . . Tracy didn 't seem like the type to just let Krycek have it because Soft footfalls approached . A hand appeared on the door frame and Tracy 's face came into view , half - asleep but with a smile pulling at the corner of her mouth now . " I think you have mail coming . " " Nobody ever is . But I really do appreciate the fact that you keep the feeling tamped down . Makes me not feel like such a freak . You 're alike that way , you and Alex . He tried so hard for so long to - - " She stopped abruptly , went to the couch , sat down . Ran her hands back through her hair finally . " Just a note . A heads - up that Smoky 's searching for the nurse who helped us get Scully 's mother out of the hospital . " Of the piranha persuasion . There could only be one . He 'd last seen her on the night he met Ché , at a big party in the Czech capital eleven years earlier where the guests were high rollers and politicians , the behind - the - scenes influential and the hangers - on who 'd been swept in on their coattails . Ché had been a wet - behind - the - ears kid , serious that had backed her into a corner . He 'd been young and stupid then , maybe with a few more drinks in him than he realized . And the fangs had come out : subtle fangs , sentimental reasons . Business of some sort . Either she had something she thought he 'd want - - for a price - - or . . . Not likely . What would she know about what he wanted now ? It had been years . More into her purse in search of her wallet . Opening it , she found only dollar bills and remembered that she 'd placed the larger bills in an envelope in the back of a drawer in the hotel dresser . Quickly she reached for her new credit use just sitting here waiting for something to happen , for the sky to fall . He stood again and glanced at the clock by the bed . An hour until Ché would be working we 're making some progress . Mulder feels he 's got a lead now , a trail to follow . Part of it was what brought me here . " Maria smiled . That boy Ché had known where he was . Well , he was no longer a boy ; it had been years since that meeting in Prague . Eleven years to be exact . Interesting that he had apparently kept some contact with Spender 's son . They hadn 't seemed at all temperamentally matched , though there was the matter of Krycek helping the boy to escape from his problems with the local authorities . Who knew ? Perhaps he felt a sort of continuing obligation to the man who had made it possible for him to reach America . So . He knew where comrade Krycek was , though Krycek had Nothing more came ; the words had all run out . Sandy let out a breath that had built up . Raylene picked up Roddy 's baby cap and toyed with the " I 've been thinking about " - - Sandy paused and looked up carefully - - " going out on the road for a while . With Papa . There 's places I 've heard about . You know , places I 'd like to see what they look like for myself . And I know once this little one comes I 'm going to be too busy for that , or for traipsing around hauling a diaper bag along with me . So I figured , you know , sometime before I get as big as a house - - " Tracy glanced up at the tickle of Mulder 's mental static . It was the kind of frustration Alex had gone through when he 'd realized that sending her to the bearing factory could have cost her her life - - would have , if a blood vessel in Buzz 's brain hadn 't turned things in a different direction . In exchange for Scully 's exposure , Mulder had hoped they would at least come up with some new bit of information to help them , but apparently there was nothing new , and had it been the right thing to do to expose her to danger and possible capture ? Turning , she started to get up off the couch but stopped . Much as she wanted to help , this was something he needed to sort through on his own . Besides , there was something . . . strange , a sensation of being separate from what was laid out around her . It was tied to the feeling that had been slowly building inside her since she woke up , that something was about to happen , something she couldn 't imagine until it would begin to unfold . The scene came closer . Now she was inside the tent , smoothing the wrinkles from a set of crisp cotton sheets decorated with sprigs of pale blue flowers . Someone had found them in an abandoned house and brought them to her when word had arrived that Alex was coming . She 'd washed the sheets and stretched them carefully over a rope line to dry . In the wind , they 'd made snapping sounds like little flags . Looking down , she saw her belly grown large with the mass of the baby , her feet and legs hidden below it . But there was something about the image - - something wrong , or out of balance . Was it real ? The future , as Alex had suggested ? Or was it simply a random scene , like a picture from a magazine or Maybe it was just her yearning for Alex that had brought it on . The pull had grown stronger , as if he 'd been gone forever . As if her bones were made of iron and he were a magnet . He 'd be Shaking her head , Tracy brought herself back to the room . Mulder was still standing at the window , his back to her . A slight sickness edged her stomach , residue of the dream - scene 's oddness . She should do something . Soon . Make some sort of contribution before the opportunity was gone . A knock came on the back door . Tracy looked up to see Sandy 's face through the little panes of glass . Before Mulder could turn , she was up and on her way to answer it . Abruptly his grin turned to stone . A flush of sudden anger went through him . He reached for the bean bag , throwing it hard against the opposite wall . It to save the pathetic old fucker 's ass . Not to protect the Project or to help secure the future , but to protect what the old man figured would be his private little salvation . How typical . How completely fucking in - character . Shrug the hit off as nothing more than strategy with collateral damage ; let somebody else deal with nightmare images of the boy . What the hell , have Alex do it ! He 's just a peasant , another ox in your stable . around his waist , a finger not hooked through his belt loop on the far side . Frying pan into the fire , and why hadn 't she said anything ? It meant she was in the same town now as the kid 's mother , probably within radar range of the woman , maybe soaking up all her emotions , her anger and grief . It was the last thing he 'd want her to put her through . any of it now . He flexed his hand against the pain and looked up . He was a sitting duck out here . Turning , he headed for the overhanging tree , dipped his head below the branches and eased himself into one of the old metal chairs . Just for a minute , a chance to settle and gather his strength . Clear his head . He pulled in a long breath , pushed it out hard and looked up into the canopy of leaves overhead . Almost immediately the scene started to replay itself . He was approaching the car again in the dusky grove . The twang of a country radio station spilled from the car 's interior . Then he was next to the driver 's door , looking at the sweat on Cyrus Miller 's reddened face . Sparkles of sunlight filtered down between the leaves and made him squint . He squeezed his eyes shut momentarily , worked to even his breathing , looked up and made himself focus on the movement of the leaves . Couldn 't move backward ; there was nothing to be done about it now . No good intentions would ever be enough to bring the kid back or patch up his no doubt grieving mother . And what the hell kind of karma was it that saddled someone like Tracy , completely innocent , with enduring the aftermath of what he 'd done ? Suits . They hadn 't been any casual visitors . They 'd been on assignment , their movements tight , searching for something . Or someone . Five minutes . He 'd give it five and head down again , careful . But hardly prepared . Laid up these last few weeks , he hadn 't even started carrying again . The Beretta was in his room , tucked between the mattress and box springs , and did he even have a loaded backup mag in case he needed it ? The last time he 'd loaded any was a month ago , before he 'd headed to the range in Rockville . ' purity 2 ' , etc . Which rings a bell , no ? Too bad JB 's not here to interpret . We 're going to have to check with either him or Scully before we can tell It would have to be proven . Scully would have to look over Vanek 's reports . Then primary evidence would have to be gathered , permissions obtained , Vanek detained , an airtight case built . A delivery path designed for the eventual presentation ; that was where they 'd failed before . Even with Blevins gone , there were still Consortium men hidden in the Bureau 's woodwork . No matter how convincing his case , he might not be able to get a hearing there . information and were no longer of any value . Besides , their only trustworthy contact with the group had been incinerated in a car bombing eight months earlier . Skinner wasn 't a sure path , either . He 'd made a deal with Krycek , and no matter how much Krycek hated Smoky , there was no counting on his help . Krycek would do whatever was best for him at the time . yard . He turned back toward the house . Four hours . Scully would be relieved , having seen her mom , and there would be good news for her on the investigation front . She 'd have it before she Krycek pressed himself into the shadows beside the door to the roof patio and held his breath . No sound of the elevator running , no more footsteps . More than one set had echoed below less than a minute before , but there was nothing now . bread bowl on the dresser , dust beginning to . . . He went closer . His heart seemed to skip a beat . Not dust : fingerprint powder . On the edges of the mirror , the bowl , the dresser top . The Tracy pulled her lingering attention from the glass surface of the table top and made herself focus on the girl across from her . " I 'm still trying to get used to looking at myself this way . But you did a good job . I meant to thank you this morning . " interested in some work for a few weeks , taking care of somebody who 'd just gotten out of the hospital . And I had no place to go , so I said yes . He gave me some money in advance , and a room for the exact night when I had to be out of the other place , and he said his friend would come home from the hospital the next day . " " And my patient was . . . the man who 'd bought me the room . He 'd been shot in the side . " Tracy set her spoon down carefully on the little glass Maria looked out into the backyard . Relief flooded her and she leaned against the window frame , letting her body relax . If this went smoothly , the clematis would reach the about you and Alex . But it was enough for her to figure out that the man I was taking care of was the one who killed her boy and husband . " She sucked in a jerky breath . was a way to say anything at all without making her hurt more . I didn 't want to do that ; she aches so much already . I thought I could say something that might help a little , but now she 's - - " " We were downtown . . . having ice cream . . . and she just got up . . . All she could think about was why Alex spared me but killed her family . Then she got up and ran . " Tracy 's eyes squeezed shut ; tears seeped through her eyelashes . " Now I 'm just this . . . this awful person who found a killer 's blind spot when somebody else deserved it more . " Mulder 's jaw set . His lower lip pushed forward . " It 's a legitimate question , you know . In the eyes of the family of anyone he 's killed . " He paused , watching Tracy 's grip on the pillow gradually turn her fingers white . " What was it you thought would happen by telling her about this ? " " Alex has been so haunted by the little boy - - " " Roddy . He had a name . And a mother who didn 't deserve to have her life gutted because of what Krycek did . " He sucked in a breath . " You know , one of the things I figured out recently is that sometimes the actions we think we 're taking to help others are actually a way of fighting our own pain . You have no right to try to ease Krycek 's pain , or maybe the way you see him , at Sandy 's expense . " Tracy pulled up . " Is that what you think I 'm trying to do ? " Tears streamed down her face . " Do you think I can 't see her life as clearly as I can see Alex 's ? " " But it doesn 't mean I agree with everything he 's done . I don 't . And it doesn 't mean I wouldn 't try to do whatever I could to ease Sandy 's pain . It made me physically sick the first time I saw it . " She swallowed and brushed the wetness from her cheeks with the back of a hand . " But I do know that Alex would never do that again . He didn 't mean to do it in the first place . No , it doesn 't bring Roddy back . But I guess I thought it might be a little bit of comfort to her if she knew that . " " What about her husband ? Bet Krycek 's not losing sleep over him . " " No . " She shook her head . " To him Sandy 's husband was just necessary strategy . And no , of course I don 't condone that . " She wiped her hand past her eyes and let out a sigh . " You 're right . She wouldn 't understand . How could she ? " Mulder glanced up at the ceiling , studying the little bumps in the texture there , waiting for the silence to wick the tension from the room . Finally he turned to face her . " There 's not always something you can say , or do , to make things better . Sometimes you just have to leave it alone . " A pause . " It 's not what you want to hear when you feel like you need to heal the world . But it 's the way things are . " He gave a helpless shrug . " But you can see , can 't you , why she 'd react the way she did ? Why it would be logical to put the pieces together the way she did , from her point of view ? " " You know , I 'm guessing she didn 't mean it personally . That was her pain talking . Sandy 's got a good head on her shoulders . Give her some time to settle down . " the window and dipped their slender beaks into the sweet liquid inside . Tracy turned to focus on them , arms between her knees like a child . " And no , I don 't expect you to have this all sorted out . I was a mess at your age . " He paused . " And I have no way , realistically , to comprehend everything you have to deal with . Everything you must be carrying . " He stood up . " I 'll talk with Sandy . When it feels right . " I was all ready to map out my strategy when I got a mail from . . . from him . Krycek . Somehow she 's identified me . Evidently she and Krycek knew each other days , give us time to get out of here . " He bit his lip . " But I 've got to tie this up ; I can 't leave here without proof or we go somewhere You 've been made . The one you inquired about the other day got your number somehow and wants me to off you so her work there can continue . I can stall for a couple of Krycek 's breath came in short puffs , the way it had when the pain of the wound had overwhelmed him . He groped for the bean bag , then stopped , remembering where he 'd thrown it . Finally he Back to the critical question , then : How far would this still - healing body take him ? It would be stupid to think he could run the way he had before , after the car bomb . It would be weeks until he was back in the game to any viable extent , and if he pushed it too much and relapsed , he could be a sitting duck , ripe for the old man 's picking . He could go farther with her . She was in danger anyway . It would be easy enough to go through Owensburg , pick her up and take off . She knew how to take care of him ; she was good , solid help he could count on . Then there was the value of what she could pull out of thin air - - warnings or useful information . In the dream she 'd said she 'd rather be with him than without him no matter the danger . was a girl . Maybe he 'd thought he could get somewhere . Maybe he had . No , that was hardly fair . Tracy seemed . . . not the type Okay , she 'd been on the street , scrounging for food . She hadn 't said it in so many words but the meaning was there . It wasn 't like she 'd known who he was ; it was just a job and a place to stay and she did say Mr . Thinks - He 's - God had planned to kill her when he didn 't need her help anymore . Maybe he had somebody watching her and she couldn 't really get away once she 'd found out what was going on ; it was that way in the movies . And he 'd helped her once before and left her alone , Mr . Husband - and - Baby - Killer who didn 't make any sense . Ten days of room paid for . Why had he done it ? God , it was almost like the girl had been defending him . As if he were a normal human being , with feelings and everything . Like he deserved that kind of consideration . Though at Duncan 's she 'd almost made it sound like thing for later . She reached for the jar of pickles beside it , took it to the counter and laid a pickle on the cutting board . Dale must eat them whole because it through , to see that she could . She 'd done it just now - - made it through this painful exchange with Mulder - - and she hadn 't run . Alex would be proud of her . He came into the kitchen and they sat down . For a while they only ate , both of them hungry . Lunch had been early and though it hadn 't been that long since Duncan 's , she hadn 't stayed to finish her ice cream . Once Sandy had left , she 'd had no appetite . was . I hadn 't thought about it . It was Christmas . Almost Christmas . " She set her sandwich down on the plate . " We were . . . " She reached for the tenuous images . " We were all dressed up to go , and . . . my father was supposed to go with us . I can see him standing there in the doorway ; he 'd come home a little early . But he seemed worried . He - - " She shifted on her chair . before ; my mother had been in the hospital , but . . . He was scared ; he was so scared . I can see his moustache twitching the way it did when he was nervous . " think so . " Her blood was rushing now , strange and hollow in her veins . Mulder 's face was a mixture of curiosity and concern . She reached for her water glass and drank slowly . A sheen to . ' Your lives depend on it , ' he said , and . . . she was crying , just for a little while . She said . . . how could she go on without him ? and he - - " She blinked . " He was so afraid . He knew things he couldn 't tell her , things she 'd never understand . " She could hear herself panting . I , and when we got home he wasn 't there . There was . . . " She reached for breath . " There 's a man running by the window on the side of the house , and - - " story . The remnants always told a tale . Only it hadn 't played out that way . He 'd walked in , they 'd thrown a few choice words at each other , he 'd decked Mulder , end of story . Then he 'd sat there watching , maybe an hour , maybe two , thinking and not thinking , suspended in a strange abstract while the neighbors , He started down the stairs , pace measured , hand on the railing . He felt half asleep still - - groggy - - but he hadn 't been dozing , he 'd been writing back to - - She 'd just been there , nowhere in particular . Her in a If it wasn 't a dream , what could he do ? Write to Mulder and say he 'd seen it all ; what the hell was going on ? It wasn 't a dream ; his gut was convinced . Logically , though , it was going to make him sound like a raving lunatic . half - started message to Ivanova sitting on the open screen like a billboard . Quickly he went to the elevator , pushed the button and got in . It made no " Sandy ? This is Ben . " The instructions on the pay phone went out of focus . " Look , something 's happened to Tracy . I 'm feeling of obligation . It would be perfect now . A couple of days and she 'd be free of Janitor FBI Fox Mulder . He seemed an intelligent one . . . though he the petals of the flower heads . The side gate had been open while she watered , which was how she 'd noticed her there . When she did , the girl turned and saw her His head nodded . He looked up . A pause . " Yeah . " He shrugged . " It 's him . Krycek . He 's worried about her - - " Sandy swallowed and turned away . So now Alex the Killer had a last name . Tracy had come from him , and Ben and Annie had taken her in , knowing . " You coulda told me , " she said , turning back to him . Which meant they 'd planned with this guy , even done him a favor . " Why , Ben ? " " I didn 't think you needed to be slapped in the face with it . Look , it 's a lot more complicated than it looks on the surface . Anyway , we knew nothing about her until my - - " He looked away abruptly , then up at the ceiling and grimaced . " This was not planned - - taking her in . She more or less " - - his hands went up - - " appeared on our doorstep . He sent her to us so she 'd be safe from the Smoking Man . " " But she is in danger , " he said , following her . " What 's happened to her isn 't her fault . . . probably not any more than it was your husband 's fault that he got pulled into the Smoking Man 's plot to kill Andy Johnston . " He paused . " They were both used . " Sandy stopped . Her throat burned and an ache that she couldn 't pinpoint echoed inside her . " Look , " he said . A hand settled carefully on her shoulder . " I know that this - - actually , everything that 's happened in the last six weeks - - seems crazy . It 's not what any of us would have planned . If someone had showed us this scenario , which of all of us - - Rita or you or Scully or me or . . . Who would have believed all this could happen ? " Sighing , Sandy nodded . After a moment she looked toward the door to the ER and back . Mulder shrugged . It wasn 't Ben 's fault . Or Tracy 's , for that matter . Point taken . " But - - " on . Hopefully she 'd had a good visit with her mother . Would have been nice if she 'd been able to hold onto that for a while instead of having to refocus on a medical emergency . " Sandy , Mr . Wallace . . . " She offered her hand to them both . He shook it and let it linger only a second . " I 'm Dr . Barrett . I 've been Tracy 's doctor in Lexington . Dr . Wykoff has begun some tests , but so far we 've been unable to determine what the problem is . You say she just collapsed at dinner ? " " . . . and she . . . she wobbled just a little , grabbed the edge of the table and steadied herself . . . And then it seemed to have passed ; she seemed okay . But then a few seconds later she tipped off the chair . " It had been out the laundry room window in the fading light , leaving it ajar for later , making his way across the old woman 's yard , then over two blocks and to the nearest pay phone . If the old man had him under surveillance , he 'd have somebody monitoring the front door . No sense giving it all away by letting them see you heading out to find a line they hadn 't tapped . it didn 't matter what Mulder thought . Anyway , this wasn 't about Mulder . It was about Tracy and that 's where the focus needed to stay . The air was still hot - - thick and muggy . He wiped his forehead with to let on . They hadn 't found anything obvious , and if she continued going downhill they were going to take the kid ; it was compromising her chances . Chances of that Scully was there , that she 'd do her best . And she would . She was feisty and determined like a bulldog with its teeth sunk into your It was her head , he said now , hoping he wasn 't going to sound crazy . Her head . She 'd come to him the way she did - - no , he didn 't know how the hell she did it , but she 'd come . Tell them she said pressure in her head , pressing down . . . Tell them need to do something that would make a difference for her - - that 's where his real hunger was . But not for food . She 'd collapsed in the middle of eating dinner . It was bad for surgery , a full stomach . They 'd almost lost him because of it . Scully 'd shot him on a half - full stomach , and the old man had panicked when he nearly coded . It had actually shaken the old bastard . Which was fucking crazy . his eyebrow . Don 't you know how easy those things are to pull ? Kid was looking for a fight . Itching for one ; he could see the signs . Sorry , not tonight . He hung the phone on the silver hook . " Yeah , She 'd been out for who knew how long when she got pregnant . At least it might have been then . Woke up two days later . She didn 't remember feeling sick like they told her she 'd been , two faces peering down at her , telling her a story she could hardly believe : We brought you home from school on Friday . Maybe like Mulder as a kid : Your sister 's cubes were melting rapidly in the heat , sending crazy trails through the alcohol . Tracy 'd like that - - not the drink , but the way it melted and swirled . She 'd notice and say something to make it seem like a new discovery . New eyes , old soul . broke and ran down the sides of his face . Out into the bright , humid air , down the street , one corner and another and another and a fourth . Time to get back in the gut from an invisible opponent . Up two floors , out of the elevator , key in the lock . Inside , he hit the lock button , sagged against the wall . No cigarette glowing orange in the shadows . off his clothes : shirt over the prosthesis , then over his head and the good arm ; prosthesis and harness off ; pants off and dropped in a heap . He stepped into the tepid spray . Shivers and water streamed down , dripping off , carrying away sweat and salt but not Mulder 's words . Compromise her chances . It would be better for her , being rid of the kid ; there was no telling what it was , what kind of perversion had been implanted in her . She 'd feel the loss , though , and then she 'd need someone . But five hundred miles stood his chin , elbow and stump , below his arm pits . Salt stung his eyes and his will was weakening , losing the battle with the stubborn ache in his throat , which only continued to swell . All around , the sounds of water sang and clamored : dripping , spraying , trickling . Teena continued down the hallway . If not for having met Carol and her husband downstairs in the restaurant , she might have missed Red Butte Park entirely . But the picture in the visitors ' brochure had , as it turned out , caught Carol 's eye " I 'm so sorry . This is my room . I 've been here since early this morning . If they 've given you this room , too , it must be in error . I realize it happens from time to - - " " No mistake . " The man shifted , his long legs stretched out in front of him . She stared at him , transfixed as a small animal caught in a spotlight . Grim realization spread through her . Coughing against a breath caught inside her , she reached it . They came out automatically : sweater , pants , slippers . Leland would find a way to make her tear her own sons apart ; he wouldn 't need to do it himself . She put her things in the suitcase the man shoved in front of her and zipped the zipper . It made consummate work of inhumanity that was Leland ? She looked into her cosmetic bag , her eyes lighting on the razor . If she cut her wrists would she have time to bleed to death fight back more effectively . " She looked beyond him , into the shadowy recesses of a shelf . " I can 't tell you how mixed my feeling are about this , Mulder , taking this child and what it may potentially be . I indicated to Dr . Wykoff that there was a question of abnormalities . He 's agreed to let me examine " I know it doesn 't make much scientific sense , as we understand science . But I know that I was drawn to that dam against my will , without my conscious knowledge . And if someone can produce that kind of response , then it 's possible they could design - - " shelf . It was too contradictory , too strange : this cocky trickster , this cold - hearted assassin who 'd pressed a razor - sharp blade to her neck . The papers . She She smiled briefly . " It went . . . very well . My mother was overwhelmed to see me . Actually , I was overwhelmed to see her , too . She has a yellow room with ruffled curtains and a four - year - old to tell her stories . Rita and Will were there . For a few hours it was as if - - " He shook his head . " Going to stay here for a while and see how it goes . Besides , Krycek 's going to call again . I gave him another window at 11 : 30 . " He paused . " I 'm going to have to tell him something , Scully . He away , or would he come up with yet another pack of growling dogs to sniff him out ? There 'd been fingerprint powder all over her room , all over the car , and the old man hadn 't showed all day . Sweat broke from his hairline and trailed past his temples . An hour later , a lot of good showering had done . His stomach was A flush of cold sweat covered him . His jaw set . " Yeah , I - - " He tried to think against the pounding inside him . Keep going . " You get to where you 're ready to you can 't . Like being a dog on a short leash . I go up to the roof and back . It 's not too far , no prying eyes to watch you . " He turned . The old man was a shadow in Ten minutes . He 'd told Ché he 'd be back in ten . The guy 'd been cooking like a crazy man when he left . A little celebration , he 'd said , knowing this would be it - - his final escape from the old man . Wincing , he slipped out of the harness , glad for the darkness that kept the old man from seeing too much , and laid the prosthesis on the bed . But what about the prints ? How could he have rationalized away the fingerprints ? He turned to look at the old man . " Right now ? " hell . It was the weather , having it stuck too long in the damn socket in all this heat . He shut the water off and hung the cloth on the hook . Turned left , the only one he hadn 't packed . Last one she 'd folded . He picked it up , shook it until he could catch the hem , slipped it over his head , over the stump . at his feet . A little milk , a beer and a soda . One box of Chinese still in the back . A few slices of bread and half a cucumber . He stared and finally closed the door , turned and went to the narrow window . Threaten the woman , bear down on her until she finally . . . The old man would have checked the odometer ; there was no way to get
|
Yes , I received yet another phone call . It was another aunt . " you need to stop whatever it is you are planning on packing , and you need to get into your car and drive tonight . She 's calling for you . I need you to sit down and listen to what I have to warn you about . " I did as she requested , both Jack and his mother looked at me . I just looked at Jack " get you and the kids packed up . " then I listened to what my aunt said , " sweetie , there 's a very high chance you aren 't going to make it home in time . " My aunt knew this was a huge fear of mine , I had confessed this to her . I was afraid mom was going to push us away , or push me away until the very last minute and we would be jumping through hoops to get home to her . Despite the fact Jack kept telling me over the course of these past few months that I was overreacting . Sometimes you say things , or feel things that you don 't totally understand yourself . There have been several times in my life that I had wished my intuition was wrong ; this was one of those moments . This was Friday . Hurricane Eduardo was going up the eastern seaboard and it was the beginning of Labor Day weekend . Jack started the leg of the drive . In the passenger side , I buried my head in the pillow so the kids and Jack wouldn 't hear me cry . I prayed , I told God if he had to take her before I got home , that I would be ok . I asked him to not let her suffer or be in pain . She had enough pain in her life ; let her die peacefully . I also asked for strength in myself , because God knew from the time I was five my biggest fear was losing mom . It 's a fear most kids have at that age . I think it 's sometimes worse for kids who have a single parent . We hit all the traffic in every city up I - 95 . Oh and we caught up with Eduardo in Connecticut . Jack kept us plugging along at 30 mph on the interstate . The stressful part for me , was mom was wondering what was taking me so long . Family told her I was on my way , but she didn 't believe them . So every two hours I called someone and told them where we were at . We actually got out a head of the storm . Sunday morning , I got us to 2 miles from the border and asked him to switch with me . I had plenty of time to cry on the way up and get it out . " I need you to drive us across the border and talk to customs . You have more patience when it comes to this . As soon as we get through customs and you get us into the parking lot of the hospital , I am running to the hospital , you bring the kids . " It had just a month since I had left her and she had lost so much weight . Her glasses were off ( they had gotten heavy on her face , even though they were light as feathers ) . She was sleeping and I didn 't want to scare her but I also knew without her glasses unless I got right up in her face she wouldn 't have recognized me . " mama . Mama . I am here . " I whispered . I brushed my hand through her hair , the hair stayed with my fingers due to the chemo . I kissed her gently on the forehead , and then she stirred . " How far away is she now ? She 's not coming . You guys keep telling me she 's coming but she 's not . " I smiled , " I 'm here mama . " She realized , her baby girl made it . She started to cry . Jack didn 't want me to tell our son his nana was dying on the ride up . I didn 't think that was fair to our son . Our son had a better relationship with his nana than any other grandparent , despite the distance . My son stood frozen in the doorway by his father . I regretted not telling him because I could tell he was scared . Mom saw him immediately and started to cry . He was a trooper though ; he wanted to sit up next to his nana . I explained to him while I was helping him up to her bed , that she might look scary but it 's still the same nana he has always known . She 's on medications so she might do things that seem a little weird . " oh nana . " He said as he crawled up next to her , he kissed her on her cheek , wiped the hair from her eyes . She pulled him close to her . He looked a little scared , " it 's ok , nana just wants to hug you . " The room was full of family . Later in the day she was showing signs we might lose her . She began to do the deep breaths in . Everyone knew what she wanted . She did not want to be kept alive artificially . The medications and oxygen were to keep her comfortable only . I sat up on the bed with her as well . I had to be very careful . From the moment I stepped in that hospital there were no tears . I had months of crying . It 's amazing how when put into a situation we just do what needs to be done . I remember thinking as I sat beside her , she didn 't deserve to die like this . It was wrong . The hard life she had was enough , couldn 't the woman die without it being so hard ? Hell 28 years prior when it was her and I and , I was coming into the world , she almost died . I had watched this woman for 28 years go through hell and back and this is how it all ends . She had hell before I was born . My mother deserved to die better . Honestly , watching my mother go through this and knowing other families go through this as well , I would have preferred her todie in a car accident , or suddenly in her sleep than this . The slow death takes a toll . That evening when things looked rough I remember hearing a blood curdling cry come from the corner . It was my son . " noooo , I don 't want my nana to die . " It was then my tears started , I hated my son being in so much pain . We all held him close and explained to him . The tears only lasted awhile . Jack hardly said anything to me during the time we had gotten to the hospital . I 'm not sure if I would have broken down if he had tried to hold me , or shown me some emotion . I was in a zone . He never tried . Honestly , I don 't think he thought it was as bad as what I had been telling him . I think he too was shocked when he saw her . Mom loved Jack ( once she got to know him ) like he was the son she never had . He sat next to her and held her hand . Her and him had some good memories over the years . He had taken her fishing , on motorcycle rides . Every important event we had in our lives , mom had been there physically for us . She had been there more for us , than his parents ever were . . Jack had always made reference ; he had always had to go see them ; very seldom did his parents come visit him . Jack took the kids to mom 's house and I stayed at the hospital . I was exhausted . I sleep through almost anything , including last rights . My aunts were laughing because as the minster was giving my mom last rights he had to do it through my snores . In the middle of the night I got awoken by my aunt . I looked over and there she was wrestling with a 70 lb woman . " What the hell ? " I looked at my aunt who was trying to contain her , but not break her . " I don 't know how she got of the bed with the rails up , but she doesn 't need to be walking around coming off these meds . Go get a nurse . " I ran down the corridor in my sock feet . " Mom 's getting out of bed , we need your help down here . " I ran back to go help my aunt . " mama what in the world do you think you are doing ? ' She looked at me , " getting the fuck out of here . " I laughed ; mom very rarely dropped the f bomb . It was everything my aunt and I could do to hold this 70 lb woman back . Being an older hospital they had window AC units and she was literally trying to CLAW the unit out . " Mom what are you doing , stop this please . " She kept clawing , " I need to fly . " It was honestly amazing and sad watching the death process . I knew what she meant when she said she needed to fly . Time was approaching . Then she looked at me , the most sane and non loopy I had seen her in hours . " you 're coming with me . I can 't fly by myself . " It sunk to my core and gave me chills . " Mama I can 't go with you . I can go part of the way , but I have to stay here for Jack and the kids . FINALLY , the nurses came running into the room . The doctor had ordered morphine every four hours ; we were at hour two and the nurses couldn 't do anything else . " You can 't call the doctor ? She doesn 't need to be doing this . The morphine is obviously not lasting as long as he originally thought it would . She 's going to end up hurting herself . " It was the longest two hours I had ever been in . I am sure for my aunts as well . Let 's just say it was a long damn night . At one point my mother asked me to lean in and she said , " just put the pillow over my face , no one will know . " She was serious despite her coming off morphine . I still remained strong . I knew everything was happening ; I think I was in shock . There 's no time to think when your mother is trying to crawl out a window , or struggling to get the hell out of there . You know some of it 's the meds , but you wonder how much is truly the meds . No one deserves to die like I watched my mother die . Yet so many do . I had seen this before , when my grandfather was sick . Yes for those of you , I was by my grandfather 's , the one who molested me , side for the most part when he was sick and dying . Funny how it turns out that the ones that you hurt the most end up taking care of your ass . I don 't mean that to be cruel , because if I hadn 't of helped my mother ; she would have done it alone and I wasn 't about to let my mother deal with taking care of her father by herself . She and I did it together . Anyway , by seeing this before , I mean , it could take a long damn time for mom 's body to shut down . Where she had worked in a nursing home I had heard over the years the signs of death . She wasn 't displaying many . You knew her body could not go on this way ; but as long as her heart was going and her organs were still operating she could literally go on like this for a long time . Morning finally came , and more waiting ensued . I had been waiting since the nurses told me they couldn 't do anything for my mother that it had to be doctor ordered . The dumb ass stand in doctor and I ( the one that said in his professional opinion a few days before said she wasn 't in the palliative state ) were going to have some words . I don 't give a rats behind if this is not how people do things around here . It takes a lot to piss me off . I don 't like confrontation but when I have reached that point where it 's a bunch of BS ; I will confront and I will make a HUGE stink about it . However , anyone who knows me ; knows it 's because what people or a person are doing is wrong . The doctor finally showed up and I went out the hallway and waited for him . I had the power of attorney in my hands ; along with her living will . He knew exactly who I was . I smiled , introduced myself ; I always give a firm handshake . " We talked on the phone 4 days ago . The hospital all ready has a copy of the power of attorney and mom 's living will and I am going to sound rude and not like I am from around here with my southern accent . The 4 hour dose of morphine you ordered … . wore off in 2 hours and her last dose wore off within an hour . I 'm telling you I am evoking my power of attorney right now ; even though I should have been given the information as soon as this power of attorney was presented to me . However , I wanted to respect my mother 's wishes and do it her way . Doctor , she is unable to make the decision she needs to and I am stepping in to make those decisions for her . Last night was unacceptable . There is no reason that my mother should have gone for two hours in the condition she was in . I don 't care what you have to do , from here on out you are going to make her comfortable . " He hummed and hawed and stuttered . Then said he would put an order in for every two hours if she needed it . I chimed in , " and you are going to call the nurses or you are going to have them call you if that doesn 't work . " I walked away . I DO NOT like being like that . When I have to be , I will and don 't think I will give up either . Death is damn weird . I saw this when my grandfather died and I the rest of this day , I saw it while my mother was dying . C - R - E - E - P - Y shit takes place . I don 't care if you are a non believer in the God Almighty . The shit that I saw take , place over this next day sent CHILLS up my spine . For some you might think my thoughts were highly disrespectful . Ask me if I care . I don 't . Some will argue it 's the morphine that made her do this or see stuff . Ahhh you have your beliefs I have mine . My grandfather I don 't recall on any medication and he was seeing stuff … . dead people . I can 't say what happens to a person at the end of life because I have never physically been there yet . I wanted to record my mother ; that 's how freaky it was . Some of the freaky shit didn 't happen until she died and I talked to people ; because I didn 't even know what the hell she was talking about . At one point my sister and I were in with her . When my mom started to do the stuff she did , we just looked at each other like we had gotten in some time warp . My sister as well had taken care of the elderly and had seen death before ; and even she looked at me with a " what the hell " look . Mom began rocking in the chair ; that was completely still . She began talking to the " person " next to her . Mom could hear the rocking chairs and she described a setting I had never seen before in my life . It was my sister ( who is older than me ) that realized " she 's talking about her grandfather . " Mom asked my sister and me to rock on the porch with her . Of course we did as she asked . From the moment Jack and I arrived mom couldn 't be left alone . Actually , it happened before then . Now I am sure some of you will say " nah uh " . Stuff it . That night I had the melt down , that came on suddenly ? Turns out one of the nurses told my aunt ( the one I had been on the phone with that night when this occurred ) and I , mom woke up in a panic . A friend had to be called because " he " was coming after her . She refused to go to sleep without someone in the room with her in case " he " came back . My aunt and I got chills when the nurse told us the time this occurred . About the same time I went into hysterics . Some people have made fun of me over the years because of this . I can 't explain it ; I have never been able to explain it ; and it doesn 't occur all the time . Sometimes people are just connected . More weird shit took place the entire day . There were times she was doing the " weird " stuff and then she was CLEAR as a damn bell . I saw this also take place with my grandfather in his final hours . I also noticed that lumps were ( large lumps ) showing up on her body ; one was on the side of her neck . I don 't know if it 's true , but someone said it was the cancer travelling . It wasn 't there the day we arrived . My mother was a fighter , regardless of how she handled or didn 't handle the cancer . As weak and frail as she was ; she still demanded that she go to the bathroom ; rather than a bed pan . My sister and I rang for a nurse … . it took forever . " Come on mom we 'll help you . " Now I know nurses are busy but I had a problem with the nursing care . 3 nurses for 1 floor . It might be a small hospital but damn it . There may have been more pressing things going on , however , when the only dignity and independence this woman has is to still be able to get up and go to the bathroom … . . damn well help her . We had all ready been told the rules that we shouldn 't help ( liability I am sure … blah blah blah ) . So we helped her . I actually called Jack in to help us . My sister on one side , me on the other side and Jack behind her . In all the years I watched my mother help with the elderly , I had never really took to it like she did . I felt awkward . There was also sadness there as well . No one likes seeing their parent or loved one in this condition . All those years she battled with her weight and now she was skinny as a rail . She had lost the weight so fast ; the skin was literally just hanging off her bones . You are also trying to give her respect of privacy by making sure her gown is covering her stuff . Lol When we finally made it to the bathroom I asked her if she wanted me to stay in the bathroom with her . She looked at me , " No , I got enough of that when you were little . " I busted out laughing , " ok mom , I am right outside the door . " Smart ass . My sister and I got in trouble for helping her to the bathroom . Guess what we didn 't care . 45 minutes it took for a nurse to show up finally . Ok so my aunts and I are all sleep deprived . We start getting damn giddy while all hanging out in mom 's room . Laughing , joking , and just reminiscing about memories we had . We included mom . Even though by this point she was in bed and not talking much , she would smile or make eye contact . That 's how fast this went . That day she was going to the bathroom that night when it turned it turned quickly . We 've got the entire wing to ourselves and the door is open , the laughter , cackling , literally laughing so hard at all these memories that mom was a part of . The head nurse came down and we turned when we saw her in the doorway . She was smiling . This nurse was AWESOME . We all turned around at her , laughing with tears in our eyes , about to piss ourselves laughing . " Are we in trouble ? " She shook he head and just smiled , " no I am just standing here enjoying this . Not many families do this and this is good for her . It great to see all of you , even in this bad time turn it around and make it full of laughter . " That made me feel good . It was what mom would have wanted us to do . Yes we were sad , we hated that we were losing her . I actually said " mom would whoop our ass if we were standing over her crying and boo hooing . Hell mom whooped all of our asses a time or two . " We then included the head nurse . She had come in to check on mom 's dressing and she also checked what looked to be signs of the end coming . Even in 2012 I remember her name . I had only met her a couple times but when she was on shift she gave my mother the best care . She treated mom like she was her mother . We told her this funny story of mom or of something that mom did . We had the nurse laughing right along with us . I am sure the pious people in our family would have disapproved . Oh well … lol mom would have been doing the same shit if it were one of us . Then it started to happen ; the signs of death were approaching . I looked at her and her dentures because her face was starting to do something , made her look creepy . I looked at one of my aunts . " For the love of God take her teeth out ; she hated the dentures anyway " My aunt looked me " I 'm not taking them out . You take them out . " I shook my head " oh hell no , those damn things scared the shit out of me every time I went into the bathroom . I ain 't touching them . " Snicker my aunt did it . She and I were laughing so hard . We told mom we were going to take out her dentures . Honestly , it was a safety issue as well . She nodded with her eyes and once they were taken out we asked if she was more comfortable without them in , she nodded her eyes " yes . " Of course I got the jokes in , I made the teeth chomping motion with my hands , my aunt " stop it . " and was laughing the whole time . The ending was slow and yet fast all at the same time , if that makes any sense . Her eyes stayed open the whole time . The hardest part was seeing tears roll down her eyes as I fully believe she knew exactly what was happening . She refused to close her eyes . I too began to panic , even though my aunts never saw it . I kept trying to call Jack , he wasn 't answering his phone . I wasn 't sure what was going to happen once she took her last breath . I didn 't know if I was going to break down and cry ( I am tearing up right now just remembering that horrible feeling I had ) . I just wanted Jack beside me . I had been strong for so long . And like always I couldn 't get in touch with him . It hurt . He had all ready made the excuse when I asked him to stay at the hospital with me ; " wouldn 't it make more sense for me to take care of the kids so you can be with your family . " I just said " you 're right ; whatever . " And walked away . Again you learn to go numb . It hurt like hell . You learn to put on your poker face and just carry on . Another excuse was " the kids don 't need to be around this . " We had all ready had people say that they would watch the kids ; the nurses had set up a place away from the area and people offered to watch the kids . Whatever , I got this . Is it so wrong to want your husband ; the one you love and have loved to just be there for you ? Is it so wrong to want to feel his arms wrap around you . Why was love , compassion , tenderness , and just that reaching out for someone when you know they are hurting … . so hard for him ? I have always tried to be tougher than I really am . It 's not that I am NOT afraid of that emotion ; Lord knows people have seen me cry ( I hate it ) . He hated when I got emotional about things . Whether he realizes it or not , he put me down when I did cry . " You 're crying over that ? " You learn to be tough ! At what cost ? I didn 't cry from the moment we arrived at the hospital and I continued not to cry . I was used to him not being there when I needed him the most . I look back now and feel he was never there . In the hind sight of things ; by him not being able to give that to me , it emotionally drained me . Show some tenderness , compassion , support , love . SHOW SOME EMOTION . What kind of man can 't hold his wife , or reach out to her . Does a man really need a crystal ball , when his wife 's mother is dying to know she needs him ? While I had my aunts , friends and other family members around me ; I was going through this alone . Yes we all consoled one another . It wasn 't the same . That 's not what I needed . I needed him . I needed my husband . Why is that so wrong ? The hours moved on ; then the minutes turned into hours . The last 10 - 15 minutes were horrible . She would take a deep breath in and 2 minutes later , she would gasp again for a breath . In between that first labored breath we thought she had gone and then that large gasp happened again . At this point you 're willing her to stop breathing , so it will be over for her . She still had her eyes open and she looked straight at you . Does she know what is going on ? There 's tears coming from her eyes as she gasps . Is she aware ? Or has that part of her body shut down and it 's just her body doing this ? It felt like we all held our breath as her body gasped for air . The gasps then got further apart and you wondered is that the last one . You couldn 't really tell because her eyes were open . Then … . . there were no more gasps for air . Mom was gone . While my aunts cried ; I wanted to cry but I couldn 't . How can you be surrounded by people in a room and still feel alone ? I had just lost my rock , my friend , the pain in my ass , the comfort , and partner in crime . My body began to convulse ( you know where you cry so much you can 't get a breath ) , but I still didn 't break down ; no tears no crying . Two hours after mom was gone ; Jack showed up with the kids . I was the one that told the kids " nana is gone . " Yes tears came when I told my son and he began to cry . They quickly stopped when Jack spoke and there was no emotion , consoling in his voice at all . It was literally like he drove up onto a scene being dispatched to a call . I had seen in car video of almost every stop he did , it was the same . A wife doesn 't deserve that . There was still more to be done . A nurse asked if I wanted to donate mom 's corneas and I immediately said yes . Mom would have wanted that not only because I worked in optometry but she also loved helping other people . We also had to clean out her room and make all preparations . Jack didn 't go with me even though I asked him to . He did go with me to meet the minister for the memorial arrangements . I still hadn 't cried . There was no time for me to break down . That Friday was the memorial . I didn 't break down during the service , or when I stood in line for people to give condolences to the family . At one point during the service Jack did put his hand on the top of my leg , but that was all . If I recall the family and I , estimated about 250 people in the church . This is how much Jack thought I was overreacting with things . He didn 't bother to bring anything dress up for the funeral . Before the service he told me that and I asked him , " you didn 't bring a set of nice clothes ? I told you pack something for a funeral . " His response to me was , " I didn 't think there would be one . " You just drop it and move on because there is more shit going on in your world to bitch about it . Looking back now on this ; I see how little he cared about me or even respected me . Surrounded by hundreds of people , standing in line with the family as people gave their condolences ; I felt alone . The only time I never felt alone was when my children were around . I was so thankful that I still had Jack and the kids . Mom was gone . 11 a . m . the phone rang , it was a number from back home . I answered . It was my aunt from home , she had been crying . " You need to come home now , " she was trying to be strong but she broke down in tears . " My God your mother is going to kill me if she finds out I called you . Sweetie she made me promise , not to call you or tell you what has been really going on . I told her this was not right what she was doing to you . She 's sicker than she has let on . Sweetie your mom was rushed to the hospital last night and no one is telling me anything . She doesn 't want me to call you . You need to come home . " I was speechless . While she was telling me this I had all ready dashed down to the garage to get the suitcase . Threw it on my bed where Jack was sleeping . He gave me a look of disgust . I was used to his look of disgust . He still wasn 't privy to the conversation I was having . " When did she get rushed to the hospital ? " His disgust went away when I said that . " I 'm packing up right now , I will be on the road in 2 - 3 hours . " I was upset , I was pissed ; then Jack opened his mouth . " If you are going home , then you need to take lil miss with you . " I stopped dead in my tracks . " You want me to take our two year old ? I am rushing home because my mother who is on the palliative care of the hospital , which means END OF LIFE . I have no idea what I am walking into , and you are telling me I need to take our two year old with me ? " He could tell I was pissed ; again it got turned around on me , " See you get pissed over every little thing . Not everything revolves around you . I can 't just call up my boss and say I need to switch to days . Me doing that , affects everyone on shift . It makes sense that you take her ; doesn 't it ? " I had all ready exited and returned to the room with another suitcase , throwing my daughters stuff into it . " Nope doesn 't make sense to me , but what the fuck ever . Last time I checked the police department had 200 employees I am sure that during the years the police department has been in existence , family emergencies come up . " I was in tears . I was so hurt . He was still talking . " you 'll go home , find out she is fine and then you will be on vacation the rest of your time there . " He drove the knife in deeper . I stopped talking . I made a phone calls to my boss , then made the phone call to my sister who was staying in NC at my nieces ' house . My daughter and I pulled out of the driveway and once on the road with lil miss , I cried as I drove . Not because of my mother ; because of Jack . I wiped the tears away ; I had things to take care of . I was on the phone with my sister ; my niece had been home briefly from her tour in Iraq . The relationship between my mother and sister had never been good . " Listen I don 't know what I am walking into up there . It 's on you if you do not come home to see her . " I also talked to my niece and prepared her . " I know you have to head back to Iraq in a few days . What you do is also your choice . I just want you to know when you come back from Iraq nana might not be here . " By the time I got to my nieces ' house they had all decided what they were going to do . My niece and her son would ride up to Canada with me . My sister would take my nieces vehicle , stop to get the other niece and great niece and be there a day behind us . My niece who was driving with me , could only spend 1 day with her nana and then she would have to beat feet back to catch her plane for Iraq . That night I hardly slept a wink . I was still hurt at what Jack had said and done . I was worried about what I was going to be walking into back home . The next day with only a couple hours of sleep around 10 or 11 am , we caravanned up I - 95 until my car continued up I - 95 and my sister veered off to go pick up her other daughter . My niece and I didn 't roll into the hospital parking lot until Tuesday mid - morning . Her and I drove 28 straight hours . I knew what floor and room . As I stood at the room door that was open , I looked at my niece , " they said this number right ? " She nodded and I turned . " I think they gave us the wrong room . " As I turned to go the nursing station , I heard mom 's voice and my heart sunk . It wasn 't the wrong room . That frail body in the room … . was my mothers . The voice sounded just like it always had ; strong . I looked at my niece , " if you and I get upset , we leave the room ; we are not going to let her see us upset . " My niece agreed . The last time I saw my mom was May 2005 , she had come down for Jack 's retirement from the military ; she was 160 lbs . The woman in that hospital bed before me , just over a year later ; was 80 lbs if she was lucky . I was careful to hug her like I normally did when I saw her ; I was scarred she might break . In my smile and good cheer , I was noting around the room of the machines ( though not many ) that were attached to my mother . Her oxygen mask that she could use … if she so desired . The flowers family and friends had sent the ones I had sent her closest to her . You suck it up , even though on the inside you are crying and wondering about the bandages that you see under her grown are for . How the hell did this happen ? The children are antsy ; they 've been in a car for 28 hours . The adults are exhausted . I grabbed the key to the house from mom , gave her a kiss and then drove my niece to her sisters dads ' house and then drove my daughter and I to my childhood home . As I turned into the laneway from the road , I again cried . The area was all grown up , the grass around the house as high as my daughter . I parked the car , breathed in and then went into the house . OMG ! You look around and you see exactly what you feared the most . Mom had been sick for a long time . In true mother fashion , I scooped up my daughter , refusing to let her down . Not until I know she is safe and can 't get into anything . This wasn 't how I left the house 10 years ago . There were now trails throughout the house . I ran to the bathroom and threw up , crying . Before my daughter and I could even rest I spent 8 hours cleaning my mother 's house . There were times I cried . There were times I got so PISSED that I allowed this to happen . How did I allow it to happen ? In the 9 - 10 years our family started , we only went to my home as a family once ; 2001 after we got back from Japan . In 2002 , I flew back home by myself to attend my best friends ' wedding . How many times did mom come see us ? How many times did Jack and I go on vacation to where his family was ? How many times did I request we go on a family vacation to my hometown ? How many times did that notion get knocked down ? As soon as I walked into the door , I was also greeted with The Will and the Power of Attorney . I refused to open it . I felt it was bad ju - ju to look until I needed it . My daughter and I stayed for 2 weeks . In the two weeks , I was running around all over the place . Going to banks to get my name added to the accounts so if she did die the accounts wouldn 't be frozen and I could continue to pay her bills . All her utility bills , and other monthly bills I had to put my name on , so once I got back to Georgia ; I would be able to contact these people and not get the bullshit line of " you 're not on the account . " It wasn 't without a fight either . My mother didn 't want me to do it . And I had to get tough on her . She had it all figured out . Her friend brought her a laptop so she could use it in the hospital . She didn 't need anyone 's help . She was even talking about the doctors releasing her to go home . She and I came to blows on that one . " Mom I know you are not going to like what I say . Do you really think the doctor is just going to release you without inspecting your home to make sure you are safe ? " I got the dumbfound look of " what do you mean . ? There 's nothing wrong with my house . " I shut the door to the hospital room and calmly pulled my chair up next to her . " Mom it 's not a matter of you going home . I want you to listen and listen carefully to what I say to you , without feeling like I am backing you into a corner . I want you to listen without the notion that I am trying to keep you from something you want or need to do . " She nodded . " You 're house in the condition it is in right now , if not safe for you . I don 't know how this all works , but I would suspect if you want to go home , the doctor is going to request your house be inspected to ensure your house is safe for you . You 're talking about getting oxygen in there . If it 's anything like my friend 's dad had , they will put a centralized unit into the house . He could go from one end of the house to the other , and there was tubing all over the house so he could . Guess what mom if that tubing gets snagged on something in the trail in your house , you will not get oxygen . A portable unit only lasts for so long . I want you to come home . I don 't want to stop you from coming home . You think about how that house was left , do you really think the doctor is going to approve you living in there the way it was when you left it ? " She was getting a little pissed . I was pointing out the obvious . " I will move heaven and earth for you so you can come home . If you need help to get up to go to the bathroom in the hospital you are going to need help at home . It 's not a matter of just going home . I 'm watching and my untrained eye says that doctor is probably going to request a full time nurse in your house . If you want to come home , I will make it happen . I will look into full time nursing care . I will get that house in tip top shape so you can come home . Mom you can 't do thYou go to all of these places with the two year in tow . While the individuals at the places are giving you important information about what you need to take care of before things might take a turn for the worse , you are distracted by the two year old . You have a LIST a mile long just on everything you need to make sure is done so that when you get back home , you can still take care of your mother so she has less to worry about . Then Jack calls bitching that the financing company for the car has been " blowing up " his phone . You don 't get a how is your mom doing , or a sympathetic shoulder to cry on miles away you get " I can 't have them blowing up my phone , take care of it . " I look back after all these years after this happened . I learned to go numb from the pain . I learned to just take care of it myself and just keep going despite the pain . It didn 't matter to Jack ; I didn 't matter to Jack . It was easier for him to put me down and to tell me all the ways I was inadequate . I don 't know how many times I told him , " I am only one person I can only do so much . " His response to that was , he could do it all better than me . Go numb and you won 't feel the pain . I had busted my ass for two weeks . Friends , who knew I was in town ; came to see me in the hospital to give me a break . Family who came into town , our visiting was done either in the hospital or on our way to get a bite to eat . Mom , Jack and the family had no idea what I was going through . I couldn 't talk to mom this time about what was troubling me ; even though I was honest with her about how she was doing all of this , was bothering me . The other person who I tried to come to , had proven time and time again that my feelings , thoughts , concerns were not his concern . I was dealing with a friend who was not looking into the best interests of my mother and was starting drama left and right . Not just with my mom , but me and the family . She had my mother all spun up about who she saw at the house . My mother had laid down the law , there were only 3 people allowed to come into the house . I got a phone call after one of those people had left , " who was in the house ? " It had been a couple hours since this person came and I said " no one " then I got the 3rd degree from my mother . " A little bird told me there was a blue minivan at the house and your aunt from out of town has a blue minivan . I told you I don 't want them in my house . " I rolled my eyes . " The little bird needs to get her vision checked cause it was a GRAY van and who do you know that has a gray van mother . " Stuttering occurred . " Tell your bird the next time she wants to start shit to get her facts straight . " She was also pulling me in . While mom wasn 't telling anyone or allowing anyone in the family to talk to doctors , this lil bird was trying to start the drama with me . She told me how she was able to talk to all the doctors and get all the information and she got me all spun up . I have a stupid power of attorney and still can 't get them to talk , yet she traps one in an elevator and the doctor divulges person patient information ? While she was talking to me about all this stuff , she was telling my mother lies about what I was doing . I don 't have time for this drama . I nipped that in the bud real quick ! Then you go to visit your mother with your daughter . You mother looks at you and says , " you need to go home . I love my granddaughter , but I can 't handle it when she visits here . We can 't talk about anything . We can 't visit . Why did you bring her ? Tell me he isn 't that selfish . " I sat there and cried . I didn 't respond . Two days later my daughter and I headed home . It was late at night ; Jack was all ready at work . I was looking forward to coming home . My daughter was excited to see the cats and dog , her brother , her daddy . We missed our home . I wanted and needed some kind of normal . When I got home ; the cats were gone . I called him , " Where are the cats ? " I was in tears over stupid cats . " You told me to take care of them , so I took care of them . They 're gone . " The dagger went a little deeper . I knew what Jack did to cats . " What the hell did you do with the cats ? Did you kill them ? Did you give them to a shelter ? What the hell did you do with the cats ? " He paused , " you don 't need to know what happened with the cats . You just need to know they are gone . " I cried . We got into an argument . I was yelling and screaming at him . He was calm cool and rational . " They are just cats . Get over it . " Fire breathing dragon is an understatement of what I became when he said that to me . As much as I pointed out how insensitive , uncaring and inconsiderate he was of what I was dealing with , it once again got turned around onto me . Whatever the fuck ever ! Raise your hands if you don 't require a crystal ball , to get it wasn 't about the cats . I had managed to get home in time for my son to start his first day of school . I actually went back to work almost as soon as I got home . The next month was HELL ! Within a week of my being home in Georgia , mom started to go downhill . She wasn 't answering the phone in her room , she wasn 't even responding to emails . Everyone had noticed it . My biggest worry she wasn 't going to call me when it got bad . I would be rushing home because she waited too long . I didn 't want my mother to die alone . It got to the point I was calling the nursing station . They would not tell me anything . " You guys have my power of attorney on file . " It didn 't matter as long as she was able to speak and tell them no , they refused to disclose any information to me . It kept getting worse . Her regular doctor was going back to her home because a friend of hers going through breast cancer as well . A stand in doctor would be taking care of her . I called this doctor because I was concerned for my mother . His response , " I don 't even know why she is in palliative care . She 's not giving any indications that she has taken a turn for the worst . In my professional opinion she 's got a year . " I listened , " you 're shitting me right ? Have you been to her room ? Have you talked with her ? Have you not seen her deteriorate in the past few weeks ? Funny doctor , the people who are visiting her , tell me she has lost about 10 lbs since I left . And you are telling me you do not feel she should be in palliative state ? " That night something happened that I cannot explain . I went ballistic and I had no idea why . My guts were screaming . I was on the phone with my aunt and I could not explain what was happening . I was crying , my chest was heavy ; my aunt encouraged me to call Jack . I did , and all I could get out was a cry . And then I heard , " What do I have to come home and take care of you because you can 't handle this ? Do I have to stop what I am doing , tell my boss I have to come home because my wife can 't stop crying ? " I wiped the tears from my face . " No " and hung up . I thought I was having a heart attack . One hour of sleep the alarm went off and all I could do was , call my boss . When she answered I started crying . I told her what happened and I told her I was going to the doctor . I drove myself to the doctor . The chest pains were horrible . When the doctor came in , all I could do was cry . I told her what was going on . I told her I was having chest pains , I told her I was scared I was having a heart attack . She accessed me and she was pretty sure I was experiencing a panic attack . She looked at me and said " I think the best thing for you regardless of what your mother says is for you to be home near her . " My aunt back home was going to have a coming to Jesus moment with my mother . My aunt sat down and told my mother what had transpired with me the night before . She told my mother I was at the doctor right now while the two of them were talking . I called my aunt once I got was done and told her what the doctor had said . It was then that my mother realized the stress I was under and that she felt I should come home . I told mom I was going to hold off until Tuesday ( September 5th ) so I wouldn 't have to drive with the Labor Day traffic . I was coming home to be there until the end . I talked with my husband and told him what was going to happen . I would go home , get a part time job or a full time job so it would not put us in a hardship . My boss had given me a letter of recommendation to present to employers back home . Jack despite not wanting to , had called in his mother to help with the kids . Friday Jack 's mother was coming up . I was still getting things ready for my trip on Tuesday . His mother had only been in the house 1 hour when I got the phone call .
|
I was off work that day and Scott went in for half the day . We had plans to go do some fun stuff over the weekend . While I was in the kitchen doing some dishes and boiling eggs to color , I heard a big ruckus in the backyard . Our three dogs , Gibson , a dalmatian and something mix we 've had for almost five years , Peavey , a black lab and something mix we 've had for three and a half years and Fender , our new red heeler puppy were all out there for their morning run around . It wasn 't barking . Gibson liked to bark at Baxter , the saint bernard that lives next door , through the fence . It was growling and snarling . I ran out the back door to find Gibson and Peavey locked up fighting . About a year ago , we started having issues with Gibson and Peavey fighting . Let me back up . When we got Gibson from a local adoption agency , we were his third family and he was three . He would growl at certain people . When he did , we 'd move him to another room . He didn 't growl at our kids , but he did growl at their friends . He bit our neighbor 's daughter at one point . I got in touch with them via email and said what I 'd want to hear , that we would take care of medical bills if they chose to take her to a doctor , that we were going to keep him in another room when kids were over , apologized and all that . My neighbor was very understanding and he didn 't bite again . I did keep a close eye on him when the kids had friends over . When we took him to the dog park , he 'd alpha dog . He would jump on other dogs , trying to bite them on the back of the neck , a way to establish dominance . We had taken him to a doggie day care and the owner said he was showing dominant behaviors . Gibson did the alpha dog thing with Peavey . Except with food , Peavey was in charge of his food and Gibson respected that space . Then they started fighting . Gibson would start it . They always drew blood . Scott and I didn 't know the right way to pull them apart and we both got bit breaking them up . Once this started , one of our go to babysitters wouldn 't come back because she was afraWe went out and checked on Peavey . He was bleeding . Not bad enough to need stitches , but he needed to get cleaned up and flinched from the washcloth . We brought Gibson inside and put him right into our bedroom . Ten minutes later I went in to get something and I told Gibson to get down off the bed . He lifted his head and growled at me . I said " Oh no ! " , looked right in his eyeballs and told him again to get down . He growled again , softly , but got down . He and Peavey both laid down and seemed exhausted . I got in touch with the agency where we got Gibson and told them of our troubles . I told them we needed to surrender him since it wasn 't safe for us to have him in the house anymore . They told me that he would go on a waiting list for a kennel , they 'd let me know . I know that this organization has adoption fairs every weekend and they 'd probably have a place for him by Monday . For the rest of the weekend , Gibson bullied Peavey . If Peavey tried to come get attention , Gibson would run in front of him to keep him from getting close to anyone . He growled at Peavey . He was slow to obey any commands we gave him . On Easter Sunday , I got an email from them saying they had a spot for him . We had to tell the kids . When we went upstairs to talk to them that night , Peavey started to come upstairs with us and Gibson blocked his way , doing a low growl . We all sat on Zoe 's bed to tell them what we were going to do . Zoe went into hysterics . Gibson was on her bed . Peavey walked into the room . Gibson growled and did a low bark at him . Scott told Zoe that that was the sign of a dog that will bite . All I could do was hug my daughter and say " I 'm so sorry honey . I 'm so sorry I 'm so sorry . " and cry . Will immediately said he wanted to get another dog . We told him that we weren 't going to even talk about getting another dog until Christmas . I went to work on Monday then came home and put Gibson 's leash on for the last time . He and I took our last car ride . I got him inside the adoption agency 's office and turned in my paperwork . I started tBut , this whole thing broke my heart . Posted by Today is Easter . It seems right that I state my opinions of the new Pope today . I 'm not Catholic , although Mary , the mother of Jesus is my deity of choice these days . I like Pope Francis . I sometimes call him Pope Frank . I would be happy to have him to my house . I 'd make him a roasted chicken with herbed rice , a salad and some chocolate cake for dessert . He 'd probably partake in a glass of red wine and I 'd ask him to tell me stories about his days working the door at a club in Argentina . Then I 'd suggest we play a board game . He 's got a bunch of firsts going for him . He 's the first Jesuit pope . He 's the first pope from an American continent . He 's the first pope from the western hemisphere . I was very interested to see how his service would be different from the other popes during my lifetime simply because he is a Jesuit . They are dedicated to faith and learning . Their lifestyle is very simple as part of their beliefs , being humble is a large part of being a Jesuit . I actively look for the news about what the Pope has said or done . First , he chose to live in a much smaller , simpler residence instead of the papal apartment . While he has the option of living in a huge flat with a live in staff , he chooses a much smaller guest house with a sitting room where he can have visitors . He sometimes cooks his own meals . When he dines with the others , he sits where there is a seat available , not in a place reserved for him . He kisses babies and allowed the kid who climbed up to see him during a mass remain with him while he spoke , patting the kid on the head as he hugged the pontiffs ' legs . The kid draped himself in the pontiff 's chair to watch the service from behind Frank 's back . I really love the photo of the pope showing this boy the ornate cross he was wearing . He has made it clear that he wants to put his focus on people near the fringes of society , those who are incarcerated , homeless , poor or drug addicted . Frank prays for everyone . EVERYONE . He excludes no one in his hope for a peaceful world . He 's a man , not a god . It 's not his job to judge . As a Jesuit , he taught other theological philosophies and has said we should be accepting of those of other belief systems . He chooses to worship God in one way , others choose a different path . Frank isn 't going to get into telling the world that his path is the only way . His path is HIS path and your path is YOUR path . I like that he does things that display an example of humility and faith . He washed the feet of the incarcerated and women during the week leading up to Easter , which caused quite the stir . It appeared that there were people out there who felt that humility has a place , but come on ! He tossed out his notes on Palm Sunday and chose to wing it instead . Then he went for a ride in the Popemobile but jumped out to take selfies with teenagers from Argentina . Before he heard confessions , he himself gave confession to a priest . Not a cardinal or a bishop , just a priest , then he went and heard confessions from worshipers . If he thinks people should be doing it , he does it . He 's very much a secular humanist and I like him . I just want to hug him every time I see him on telly . I want to thank him for renewing my belief that there are people of power in the world who are good at heart . And he 'd probably kick my ass at Trivial Pursuit . Unless I get mid - 1980 's hits , then we might have an even match . Amanda 's beauty tip of the day : Body scrubs and lotions from the dollar store can work just as well as more expensive brands . Don 't let the fact that they 're cheap scare you away from them . Posted by I had a " less drama , more duh " moment early this morning . I went out to run errands and my car wouldn 't start . I noted that my gas tank was on empty and the miles I can usually get per tank was on the high side . ( I set my trip odometer every time I fill up . ) I walked to the gas station with a can , got some gas , put it in my car and vroom vroom ! I got the stuff I needed for all the above activities and headed home . I let the dogs out into the backyard and then heard , not barking , but snarling and growling . I went out back to find Gibson and Peavey locked up fighting . We 'd had this issue before , but not for months . Gibson has always had alpha dog issues . We adopted him 4 and a half years ago and learned we were his third family . He 'd been surrendered by his second family because they were being evicted and couldn 't keep him . He ended up with us . When he was an only dog things seemed fine . Then I noticed he growled . Not at everyone , but enough for me to notice . He started snapping and I 'd push his head down , telling him bad dog . When we took him to the dog park , he 'd run with the other dogs , but he 'd try to get up and chew on the backs of their necks , a sign of dominant behavior . Eventually , we just stopped taking him because it caused friction with the other dog owners . Gibson bit our neighbor 's daughter . I got in touch with them and told them what I would want someone to tell me , that we 'd take care of any medical bills if they took her to the doctor , that we were going to address the situation and when she came over we would put Gibson in another room . He didn 't bite again , at least not any kids . When Gibson and Peavey started fighting , Scott and I both got bit pulling them apart . These fights always drew blood . Never enough for stitches , but enough to need to clean them both up . I called the organization that adopted him to us and asked for help . They sent out a behaviorist who watched our dogs and said that Gibson was displaying dominant traits . If Peavey tried to walk up to the trainer , Gibson would turn and give him a hard stare . If Gibson was getting attention and Peavey was playing with a toy , Gibson would go steal the toy and Peavey would come get attention . Then Gibson would go over to get attention and Peavey would go play with the toy . We were told to not allow that kind of thing . We started making both dogs work for going outside , getting theThen we had today . I got the new puppy , Fender , out of the middle of everything and put him in his crate . I yelled for Zoe to go wake up her dad . Scott and I each got a dog by the back legs and pulled them apart . They were both still snarling and pulling towards each other . Scott got Gibson into his crate and I brought Peavey inside . Gibson growled and snarled at Peavey from inside his crate . We put Peavey in another room . After an hour or so , we tried letting Gibson out . He and Peavey stayed away from each other and I stayed close . 45 minutes later , Gibson went after Fender . I saw him turn and lunge at Fender , then suddenly Peavey and Gibson were fighting again . Scott was in the shower and I was on my own . I tossed Fender into my bedroom while Zoe grabbed her brother and ran upstairs , where she closed them both up in her room . I tried shoving a chair between them , which didn 't work . I opened up the back door and ended up grabbing Peavey by the collar while I shoved a cookie sheet between them . I was able to get them separated after a number of tries then had to kick Gibson in the chest to get him out the back door . When I slammed the door shut he lunged at the door . I didn 't get bitten but I did get a good scratch on my arm . I was shaking and crying . After Scott got out of the shower we had a tearful family meeting . Scott had said that if Gibson started to show the aggressive behavior again , we were going to have to find another home for him . We just couldn 't take the chance that he might turn on one of the kids . He 'd already bitten one of their friends and he had growled at a couple others . We had been lucky so far . All four of us cried but Scott and I had to make the horrible adult decision that Gibson needed to go back to the adoption agency before someone got seriously hurt . I got in touch with the organization and he 's now on a waiting list for a kennel . When they have one , I 'll take him to be surrendered . I feel awful about this . I hate myself . It 's probably my fault . I 'm mostly likely not a good dog owner . And now I have to give my dog away because I 'm incompetent . After I calmed down some , I went and did the baby food taste challenge with the kids . I was blindfolded and they fed me bites of baby food while I guessed what food it was . I got them all right ! Then the kids tasted all of them and gave their reactions . When I went to upload the video , my laptop ate it . The program had quit on it 's own and it hadn 't been saved . Shit . I was raised Lutheran . My father listens to the Prairie Home Companion and laughs like a loon at the church stories . Every family gathering involved Jell - 0 with stuff in it . There 's a whole other tangent I could go off on about the Jell - 0 at family Christmas . While Lutherans are known to be low key , unfussy and somewhat quiet in their services , Good Friday was an exception to that rule . The service would start in the evening . There would be the expected sermon about the sacrifice Jesus made for the world . Then the choir would sing the Bible verses of the crucifixion and after each verse one light would turn off until the whole church was dark except for the eternal light , a candle in a red , lantern holder hung over the altar . Then everyone would go outside . The doors to the church would be slammed shut , to symbolize the stone being rolled into place and everyone would go home without talking to each other to meditate upon the sins that caused the sacrifice . I understand that the church used to have a living diorama of the crucifixion . One year , my uncle was chosen to be Jesus and hung on the cross for a while . He had the Calling at an early age and is a Lutheran minister now . When I was 10 or 11 , we went to the Good Friday service at the church my godparents were attending . It was held in an industrial building , the first time I 'd seen a church service happening not in a church . I remember the sermon , the minister was a very good speaker . He said that the root of sin was found in the middle of the word , the " I " . When a person focuses on the " I " , sin follows . Thinking of the self . leads to acts that hurt others . Anyway , we 're sitting there and then the lights go down and a big movie screen , not as big as the actual movies but big , starts to show a slide show of the crucifixion . Crown of thorns , whipping , nailing , darts , all of it . There was a close up of a mummified Christ , still nailed up on the cross , leaning forward with the mouth hanging open . The eyes were gone , I 'm assuming it was crows . I had friggin ' nightmares about that picture . I sat there scared to death , but didn 't want to cover my eyes because , well , we were in church . When I 'm invited by friends to attend Good Friday services , I always hesitate and ask what kind of service it will be . I know , intellectually , that Good Friday is a day to realize that there is something in everyone that is worth saving . But then I get stuck on that zombie movie and my inner child makes a horrified face . But , I have today off . I 'll be cleaning up downstairs and then I have some fun things planned for the day . If you live in my neighborhood you 'll be getting a message from me about it . Amanda 's beauty tip of the day : You can use the white , inside of an orange peel to buff your nails . Posted by I 've been working for a big coffee company for a year now . It 's around the corner from my house , the hours are very flexible , I have access to stock options and 401K benefits and when I leave work , I leave work . No taking it home with me , or late night projects . Does it have it 's stress ? Yes . I work the morning rush shift , so we 're under pressure to get as many orders filled in as short a time as possible . But I like my co - workers and my customers . We have a bunch of regulars . Neil , Terry , Nancy , Dennis , Will , Mike , Guillaume , Caroline , Nate , Juan and a lot of others I could only identify by their drink of choice . There 's grande , no water , extra hot , 7 pump chai . Then venti caramel macchiato with light foam and a newspaper . Tall non - fat , no whipped cream , white mocha is a pharmaceutical rep who gets 8 pastries of whatever is easy for us to grab . There 's quite a few more I would recognize and be able to tell you their order but I couldn 't tell you their names . They could tell you mine , because I wear a name badge . I 've been told when I was out of town some of them asked where I was . That 's a nice feeling . My day looks something like this : 4 : 15 a . m . Arrive at work and get started . I fill the pastry case with the goodies we 're offering that day . We 're partnering with another company now , so the case has to be set up exactly the way our picture shows . One of the challenges when we swapped over to the new display was the fact that the picture I have is a mirror image of the way I 'm supposed to do it . I 've got it pretty much down and now I 'm working on getting my speed up . I do a quick heat on the savory hot sandwiches so the cheese around the edges melts and they get toasty on the top before I display them . Then I get the refrigerated case filled with sandwiches , bistro boxes , juices and yogurts . Once that 's done , I make myself a 4 shot , vanilla latte , iced but with no ice . I drink this quickly through a straw and get the sandwiches we heat up organized into the small fridge under the ovens . Generally , this takes about an hour to an hour and 15 minutes . 5 : 30 a . m . I make sure that there are dates on everything that needs to be dated and all the pastries we don 't heat up are stored on the shelves close to the register . Then I either take my break or I put on a headset and take orders at the drive through , take payments at the window and pass out drinks . Sometimes I make the drinks too . It depends on how busy we are . In between orders , I help make sure that all stations have what they need for the morning rush . Do all the espresso stations have the syrups , toppings , lids and stuff they need ? Does the drive through window have enough pre - packaged oatmeals ready to have hot water added ? Are there plenty of sugars , sweeteners and oatmeal toppings ? Does the small fridge by the window have yogurts , bistro boxes , bottles of water and yogurts ? Does the warming station have the proper amount of pastry bags and tongs ? Do the sticker machines work ? ( when we enter an order , a sticker prints out like in a restaurant back of house . If the stickers aren 't printing it makes all of us working run around waving our arms in a panic . ) 6 : 30 a . m . This is where our business really starts to ramp up . We 'll have customers at the speaker steadily , I 'll take orders and payments , but someone else will make drinks . 7 : 00 a . m . By this time I 'll have taken off my headset and will be working the window taking payments and giving out the morning mickeys . Here is where we have to really focus on our speed . We have a screen above my register showing the cars in line from the speaker to the window . If they have been waiting for less than 3 minutes , the car is green . Waiting for longer than 3 minutes , the car is yellow . 4 minutes or above , the car is red . Red and yellow cars make us nervous . All green cars with an average wait time of 34 - 36 seconds at the window is a good place to be . Our goal is to have 50 completed transactions in 30 minutes . That 's 1 every 36 seconds . Hitting a high 40 for a half an hour is okay . Hitting 50 is good . 55 is great . The record for our store is 59 . There are things I don 't have any control over that effect our wait times . A customer fo - diddling around with their stuff at the window , having to dig around for their payment , adding things at the window , a lot of customers inside ordering warmed up items and other stuff will also slow our wait time down . Plain coffee is the quickest drink we can get and lots of those will allow us to crank a lot more cars through in 30 minutes . I 've noticed that on payday , and the few days following , we 'll get a lot more pricey orders and I 'll receive larger bills as payment . The days just before payday , more plain coffees and I 'm paid with more coins . My job is to check the screen that tells me what order is coming up , make sure that 's the one in my hand and be ready to give it to my customer . I hand it out the window while they pass me their payment . I make change or swipe their card and send them on their way . Sometimes they 'll need to wait a minute or so and I make small talk . Then they get their caffeine and I send them on to work . If we get a big order , 4 or 5 drinks in one car , that will make our wait time go up and we 'll focus on going as fast as we can for the next 10 - 20 minutes to catch back up . If we have a customer order several items that need to be warmed up , that will slow things down as well . I 'll man the window , making sure to communicate with the person making the drinks and the person taking orders if I have an issue , such as a drink added at the window , or a drink that needs to be re - made . We have a customer that sends her drink back to be re - made about every 3rd or 4th time she gets it . It 's made exactly the same every time , but she sends it back . I usually spend the rest of my shift on the window . Generally , I 'm off by 10 or 11 a . m . I 've seen some fun stuff at the window . New Year 's Day a girl in her micro - mini dress from the night before with her make up all smudge couldn 't make her phone work in order to pull up her store card for me to scan . After a few minutes , I comped her her drink and told her Happy New Year . I refer to that as " The Drive of Shame . " The man who pulled up and let a nice sized puff of marijuana smoke out his window as I handed him his big , extra caramel drizzle , extra whipped cream , three flavored frappuccino . He took a sip and groaned with pleasure . The man who ordered 4 espresso shots and then blew into his built in breathalyzer while I was making change . I see a lot of women putting on make up . I see a lot of people int their p . j . s and bathrobes . I see women in curlers . I see men brushing their teeth . Because I live around the corner from where I work I see customers at the grocery store quite often . We say hi and we 'll see each other later . I 've introduced my son to a few of them . Those of you who know me in real life know I just gotta talk . Our regulars know we have a new dog , that my daughter plays harp , my husband makes video games , I take pictures and I 'm saving for a new tattoo . ( If you 'd like to contribute just tell me ! I 'll send you my Paypal info . : D ) Once I 've clocked out , I get myself a coffee to take home . I 'll chill out for a while then take a nap . Then my after school days starts . But that 's another post . I was up at 3 to be at work at 4 : 15 a . m . I did all my morning opening duties and then I got to work the front register . I gave a couple who told me they were getting married today their coffee for free and asked the groom if he understood it wasn 't about him . I got coffee . I got coffee . I got coffee . Then I had a customer who needed to put more money on her Starbucks card after she 'd ordered 6 drinks and two sandwiches . She had the application on her phone , so she just needed to scan the bar code . I put in the reload amount and got that taken care of . Then , she used a different Starbucks card on her phone app to take care of the remaining balance on her order . That card didn 't have any money on it . I thought I 'd missed reloading the first card , tried to do the reload again and then the works got all gummed up . The customer walked out in a huff and I tried not to burst into tears I was so frustrated . I really don 't like it when I make mistakes and someone leaves in a huff . It 's not like it 's my goal of the day or anything . I worked until 9 : 45 and came home to work on fixing the toilet in our downstairs quarter bath . It 's been stopped up for a couple of days . I borrowed a plumber 's snake from our excellent neighbors after plunging didn 't work . Snaking didn 't work . Baking soda and vinegar didn 't work . I decided I was going to try a different kind of snake and maybe some noxious substance to try and clear whatever what plugging it all up . I went and got my stuff . On the way home I had to stop at Zoe 's school to pick up her harp . For those of you who don 't know , my daughter plays harp in her middle school orchestra . This weekend she 's doing a full day of playing harp with a group of other students who play harp within the area . I was going to need to take Zoe and her harp up to the location of this event after she got out of school . I brought my supplies inside and tried the more flexible snakey thingie . Nope . Bring on the noxious substance . I followed the instructions . There were fucking vapors rising from this stuff . Nope . Still clogged up . I tried my neighbor 's heavy duty snake again . When I pulled it back out the plastic tip of it had come off . Well , fuck my life . What did I do ? I took to Facebook of course ! I whined about my plight . An old friend of ours explained to me how he uninstalled his toilet , flushed it out with his hose in the backyard and put it back in . I thought " Oh , what the hell . " I got me a screwdriver , a wrench and a pair of needle nose pliers . The tank was empty and I got that off . I put it in the hallway . I used an empty can that once held Bush 's Baked Beans with Bacon and Brown Sugar to get the water out of the bowl , then I used rags to soak up the last of the water . I got the bolts holding it down undone and lifted the whole thing up . I took the smelly thing out into the backyard and put it down near the hose bib . I stuck the hose in the bottom of the toilet and turned the hose on full blast . Pfffffssshhhhhhh . . . . . . . POP . I swear to you , a ball of shit the size of a tennis ball came flying out and landed on my rosemary bush . I believe I screeched a couple of curse words before I turned the hose on it . It all broke apart and now it 's fertilizing my rosemary plant . I returned my attention to the throne and continued to hose it out . Yep , all clear . Well , there were smears in it . I tried to wash those off and it became clear a household cleaner was going to be needed . I got the smelly thing back in the house . I got it back on the wax seal . I got the bolts retightened . I put the tank back on . I reconnected the water . I turned the water on . I flushed . I checked for leaks . It worked . Now , I needed to go pick up my son from school . I fetched him from his midi keyboard class and took him over to a friend 's house . He was going to hang out there while I took my girl - child to her harp - a - palooza . I sat down for 15 minutes . Zoe came busting through the door and we were off . We were running a little late . We were made later by the fact that I drove three exits too far and had to back track . We finally made it and I lugged the harp into the building . I left my daughter there and returned home . I spent the next 20 minutes making sure that all the water was mopped up , spraying the room down with germ killing cleaner stuff and starting a load of laundry . Then I went to get my son from our friend 's house so we could go get his sister . He said he wanted to stay and play with his friend . I let him . I drove back up to get Zoe but I got to leave her harp there . Once we got home I took complete and full advantage of my friends and picked up my living room . I let my daughter have Cheez - its for dinner while sitting in front of her computer . My son came home and I let him have Cheez - its for dinner too . As I 'm sitting on the couch , Gibson the Dog comes and sits next to me . Then I realize that he has rolled in the mud created by my hosing out the toilet and he now smells like the tennis ball sized clod of poo I freed earlier that day . I then gave the dog a bath . I gave Fender the Puppy a bath just in case . Peavey the Dog isn 't all that bright but he 's bright enough to not roll around in shit . Then I watched TV for another 15 minutes while I played Candy Crush . Then I took a shower . Then I told the kids to get ready for bed . Amanda 's beauty tip of the day : Make sure that you are drying your face with a clean towel . Keep a pile of washcloths by your sink and use those to dry your face instead of the towel that 's been used to dry your bod . Posted by That was a dark place I 'm in the process of giving up cigarettes . I went from 15 - 25 a day to 0 . The withdrawal symptoms were less than joyful . I looked up everything on the internet ( because the internet is an endless fountain of information ) and found out that it 's probably normal for me to be experiencing nausea , dizziness , anxiety , itchy skin and paranoia . I did use a patch for the first day , which helped a little . It helped me sleep anyway . The first night I went to bed I was twitching . Twitching . I know I 'd heard people say that trying to stop after being a heavy smoker ( 2 + packs a day for more than one decade ) was similar to kicking heroin , but I 'd always poo - poo 'd that as drama queening . Hmmm . Maybe there was something to that . My remarkably unhappy brain and I went off to work . I warned my co - workers I was kicking nicotine and please be patient with me . Luckily , I 've worked the drive through window so much I can do it in my sleep . I can hand out coffee and take payments . I can let my co - worker know what I 'm waiting on . At one point I was standing on my mat , holding a latte of some kind and waiting for the next car to pull up so I can give them their morning fix . As I 'm standing there my little mind went to a dark place . A place where the narrative went something like this : Wow . So here I am . I pass out coffee . I pass coffee out as fast as I possibly can . This is what I do . I live in the suburbs . I have two kids with ADHD . I have two badly behaved dogs and just added a puppy to that mix . My house is messy . This is my life . I can go downtown all I want but it doesn 't change the fact that I 'm a haus frau who works the drive through window 30 hours a week . I 've never been wild . I never will be wild . I 'm just going to keep passing out coffee and I should probably start talking to my therapist about how to accept the fact that I 'm a haus frau who passes out coffee . It got worse from there . I 'm feeling better today . I 've gotten myself through 72 hours and I 've only had 2 cigarettes , which is huge . I 'm trying to keep myself busy doing dishes and vacuuming . The laundry is all done , but not put away . I 've put an end table we don 't need anymore down by the curb , where it vanished quickly . I 've also started listening to self - hypnosis on youtube . There are a lot out there . One of them is a voice that sounds a great deal like the possessed Regan in The Exorcist repeating " Quit smoking . Quit smoking . Quit smoking . Quit smoking " for 45 minutes . I wish I could say " And each day it gets easier ! I feel so much better ! Cleaner ! Lighter ! I 'm on the road to becoming a non - smoker ! " but the fact is that quitting smoking isn 't fun and I can see why so many people just don 't do it . My brain is still somewhat uncooperative , so I 'm not sure how much sense I 'm making . Anyway . I 'm off . Amanda 's beauty tip of the day : If you get polish on your cuticles , use a cotton swab dipped in polish remover to clean them up . Or , just wait for it to dry and then really wash your hands . It will generally come right off . Posted by I 'm a graduate of the Escoffier School of Culinary Arts and a judgmental snob when it comes to restaurants . I know how food is supposed to taste . I 've eaten a lot of food . I love food . I love that I live in a city that is getting to be really important food wise . I have a friend who comes with me on my eating adventures who 's just as big a restaurant snob as I am . I also have a couple of great kids who love Kraft Macaroni and Cheese and Goldfish crackers . View my complete profile
|
Still Day Two ( can you believe it ) , but it is near the end of Day Two . After Adam dropped me back at the hotel ( and I took my cake and some diet coke ) , it was another early night - - right off to bed for me . I think we got back a little after 7 p . m . , but I could barely keep my eyes open . I tried to watch tv to see who won the French Men 's finals , but there was nothing about it on all 14 of my channels . There was no wireless Internet and I had no more International 3G juice for the ipad . I was very afraid of how much the international roaming charges would be for my phone and when I got a phone call I hastily said thanks for calling , good - bye ( it was a Happy Birthday wish ) . [ Early the next morning , as I flipped channels , I saw the little ticker at the bottem of the screen that told me Nadal def . Federrer , so at least I knew he won . ] The next day I awoke at 3 a . m . AGAIN . This time I got out my book and tried to read in addition to flipping channels . When I finished my book , it was still hours until Adam would be there . We were going to museums in the City , so I decided to wear dress slacks and a nice top . After surviving the plane trip , my poor clothes needed to be ironed . As I pulled out the hotel ironing board and iron and got the little cup of water for steam , I was trying to remember the last time I ironed anything . I only buy clothes that are wrinkle free . I never iron anymore . But oh , in my youth . I used to iron a lot . It took up big chunks of time . I can 't imagine having time to iron anymore . But on my vacation , I had plenty of time . I ironed to Murder She Wrote , took a long break and finished up during Hogan 's Hero 's . I contemplated ironing additional outfits , but I was over ironing . I was hopeful that my supply of jeans and tee shirts would hold out for the rest of the trip and for the most part , they did . The big bag of ice that I bought the first day was now a solid block of ice , freezing the little refrigerator , ( making the cans of diet coke that I had in the little fridge really , really cold ) . I used every utensil in the little kitchenette , but none worked as a very good ice pic . It was such a solid block of ice , I was afraid to drop it on the floor to break it up , because it might crack the tile . I tried running hot water over it , but that just made the edges of the block melt . So I made due with little chips of ice - - not ideal . Anyway , between no tennis , not much ice , my book was done and I didn 't want to start a new one yet , I was very ready at 9 : 00 a . m . to get out and see the town . We planned to drive over to the Brisbane art museums and walk around the campus of the local university . But first , Adam said we could go to McDonalds to use the internet . [ Apparently although I never heard it personally , Australian 's call McDonalds , Maccas , hence the title of this chapter . ] I hadn 't checked my e - mail or facebook for days , so I was looking forward to it . I got downstairs early , but Adam was not parked in the loading zone in front . The hotel had little cafe tables outside , but it was pretty cold out . The seating inside the hotel lobby was sunken , down two rather large stairs . It hurt my knees to go up and down those stairs , and I knew Adam would be there any minute , so I bundled up tight in my jacket and sat outside . 9 : 00 a . m . , no Adam . I figured that I would give him until 9 : 15 and then I would go in and try to figure out how to call him . I started to watch the people going by on the street . There were quite a few people , even though the hotel was on a street that wasn 't that busy , next to a park and a hospital . And on a pretty steep hill . I watched so many people , different ages , some in business attire , some casual , some pushing baby carriges , some talking on their cell phones , but none of them were overweight . As I came to that realization , I started to really keep my eyes open for obesity , and saw only the lacAt 9 : 30 , I went back up to my room . I tried to dial on the hotel phone , but nothing happened ( I was supposed to dial 9 first ) . I was going to just spend the money and send Adam a text , when I saw that I had a text from Adam telling me that he was going to be a little late . So I waited and waited . Should I go back outside or should I wait in my room . I just didn 't know . When he finally got there , he said that he had driven by and seen me sitting at the cafe table . He thought that I saw him and would realize that he was going to find a parking place . He parked about a mile away . This all put neither of us in a very good mood . The first order of business was the internet , so Adam drove us out of the City to another part of town to a McDonalds with a good parking lot . [ Apparently the closest McDonald 's is in the train station , but there 's no easy parking . ] It was a bit of a drive , but a very nice McDonalds . I think that I only screamed twice in fear when I thought he was going to crash , driving on the wrong side of the road . Fun times . [ I am embarrassed to admit that I did actually scream in fear at one point - - scared the shit out of Adam who braced for impact at my scream , only to realize that I was not reacting to another car was about to hit us , I was reacting to me thinking we were going to crash . It was already the third day and I was still not used to cars on the wrong side of the road . Poor Adam . Thank goodness I didn 't have to drive , but I digress . ] The McDonalds was very nice and Adam thought we should have breakfast . I 'm not much of a breakfast at McDonalds type of person , but they did have diet coke with ice - - score ! [ It tasted funny though , oh well . ] I logged in ( after bugging Adam over and over to figure it out for me ) and there were my 24 e - mails . It was so nice to have e - mail . Some were from work and I answered and read and answered and read . Before too long , I was all done . While I had been doing this , Adam had been on his iPhone . I think he was playing a game , because he was done as soon as I was ( which means that he was really just waiting for me ) . Our plan for the day was to go to the museum and walk around the museum part of the City . It was called South Bend which I thought was funny , because that 's where Erika lives . I tried to be the navagator using my ipad map , but my sense of direction hadn 't improved in the least , so we were both relieved to get there and park not a minute too soon , before our tempers burst . I know that I consciously tried to put past frustration out of my mind to approach the day fresh , ready to enjoy myself and I think that Adam did too , because when we got out of the elevator that opened right into the museum , we were both in a much better mood . We had entered at the Science Center - - it was awfully cool . There was one room that had a very long - - length of a very long room display of animals , from insects to reptiles , to birds , to small game , to large game animals - - including sea life . It was really cool and we spent a long time looking at all parts of the display . There was another room that was all bugs - - wall to wall displays of bugs , from very small to extremely large . Adam had a facination with spider webs - - all through the trip he pointed out some very large , elabrate spider webs . Very unusual creatures in Australia . In another building was an art museum . They had a Camille Pissaro painting ( my all time favorite french impressionist painter - - I love him like a brother of Monet 's , but I digress ) - - apparently Pissaro 's son lived in Australia and painted there . It was very interesting to see Australian french impressionism paintings . I really enjoyed it . They also had a lot of modern art , which was interesting . And they had a disappearing edge pool in the lobby . I 've seen them before , but it was just so interesting to see the floor seem to meld to the water seamlessly . Adam showed me how it was done , but that didn 't make it any less of an awesome sight . After a while , we were museum ' ed out so we went through a tunnel that led to the campus of a University on a park by the river and the surrounding " college " town . There were lots of shops and restaurants and a movie theater . As we wondered around the park , I noticed a lot of construction . Later Adam told me that they were repairing the flood damage . [ Right before Adam moved there last January , Brisbane had suffered some severe flooding . The mayor had given a speech comparing the flood in Brisbane to 9 / 11 in New York , to which American Adam took offense . I tried to reason that maybe the mayor was referring to the effect of a disaster on tourism and not necessarily comparing their flood to the 9 / 11 terrorist act - - but it still sat poorly with Adam . ] One of the things that they were repairing was a man made sandy beach and they had already repaired the pool . It was not a large swimming pool right next to the river - - you could swim in the pool and look out over the river , giving you the impression that you were swimming in a much larger body of water . It was kind of cool . But it was very cold and there was actually a life guard and a mother and small child swimming . That was not cool - - I was freezing , looking at them . Anyway , we were out of things to sight see , so we decided to take in a movie . The only movie playing that we both wanted to see was Pirates . We got there right at the right time , so we went in . We bought our tickets , got some popcorn and then I realized that there was only one way into the actual theatre - - up a very long staircase . That was a very long walk . I so , do not do stairs . There was absolutely no elevator ( or lift as I remembered the correct word to request . ) The movie was in three - D ( I hate those glasses ) , but it was a very pleasant diversion to our day . When we got out of the movie , it was overcast and pretty chilly . I was ready to get something to eat ( and have a diet coke ) . Now Caitlyn likes this cartoon called 64 Zoo Lane . It is set in Australia and my favorite song that they sing in this cartoon again and again is " Pizza , Pizza , Pizza , Pizza , Pizza . " So this song is running through my head almost the entire trip . I 'm a looking for some tasty pizza . But the only pizza place looks just too upscale - - I 'm not looking for pizza that badly . Adam suggested a hamberger place , because I was so impressed with the Australian beef . How could we go wrong . As an aside , I know better . For many , many years , I have been supper careful not to order a hamberger in a new place . I am an extremely picky eater . I don 't even really like hamberger , so I know I should have resisted . Except for two things . Cheesecake Factory and BJ 's . These are two restaurants in the past couple of years where I have tried the hambergers and really , really loved them . They joined Islands , Red Robin and Ruby 's as restaurants where I will eat the hamberger . I am well aware to avoid the hamberger at Denny 's or its ilk , but I was ( I 'm sorry to say ) lulled into a false sense of complacency regarding a new hamberger place . First of all , I 'm freezing , but all of the seating is outdoors . Second , the fries were soaked in some kind of marinade and garlic . No amount of ketchup ( excuse me tomato sause ) was going to fix that , but I was hungry so it took a few agonizing bites before I could convince my hand and mouth to obey my brain and stop eating them . Finally , the burger was so not what I was expecting . My expectation was Cheesecake angus beef hamberger and I got breaded and seasoned so much it tasted like meatloaf ( which I can 't stand ) . Adam liked his burger a lot and I tried to be positive , but I could only eat a few bites . I was going to dream about Little Ceasars Pizza . It was just starting to get dark ( it was too cloudy to see the sunset ) and I wanted to ride the farris wheel at night so that I could see the Storybook Bridge lit up . Adam said it was really cool , but I 'd only seen it during the day . It just looked like an ordinary bridge during the day ( think eiffle tower - - not much until it is lit up so gorgeous ) . [ As an aside the first day Adam asked me if I wanted to walk across Storybook Bridge - - he said it 's a very touristy thing to do - - lots of people do it . I was thinking about how Megan and I walked across the Golden Gate Bridge - - sure it was slightly cool , until we realized we were going to have to walk back again to get back to the car - - that was a looooong walk . So I was kind of not enthousiastic . Then he pointed to the bridge and pointed out how walking the bridge was actually walking up the cat walk to the top , then back down to the middle , then back up and then back down . All stairs . I don 't think so batman . ] Anyway , we bought tickets for the ferris wheel ( quite pricey , but I 'm on vacation ) but had to wait a long time to get on ( - - no one was in line , but apparently they can 't stop it , even if it is empty to let someone on until the proper number of rotations because there is an accompanying tour guide sound track to tell you what you are seeing - - ours didn 't work ) . It was not quite dark enough for all the lights in the city to be on and we were at the wrong angle and too far away to see the Storybook Bridge . However , it was really cool even so . And very relaxing . I wanted it to go on longer , but all too soon it was done and I was getting pretty sleepy , so we called it a night . As Adam dropped me off , I said , 9 : 00 right ? No more mixed signals . 9 : 00 o ' clock , he said and we both believed him . I remembered to take the baggies this time , but I couldn 't break up the block of ice . I did get one big chunk and I melted it until it fit in my cup and turned on the tv . I was determined to stay up late , so that I would adjust to the time change and stop waking up at 3 a . m . . Silly me . Stay tuned - - Day four is the Gold Coast - - more driving . Sea lions and white tigers and polar bears , oh my . Oh yea , here 's the poster shot . This is the sunset over a harbor up the Sunshine Coast north of Brisbane , Australia . Adam had asked me if I saw the Sunset my first night in Australia , because they are really awesome , but I slept through the one the first night and every night after the second night was overcast . But it didn 't matter , because I saw the perfect one already . Of course getting here was no simple matter . When we left the zoo , I looked at my ipad map and it was just a grey grid , but I distinctly remembered that the road to the zoo ran parallel to the highway north to the beach . On the map in my memory , the road diverted from the highway and about half way up was the zoo and then in ran parallel until it met back up with the highway . Very logical . How can we go wrong - - if we turn right ( the correct right that is even right in Australia ) we will go back to the place we got off the highway and simply turn back onto the highway North . If we turn left ( the real left , not just the Australian right ) we will be going North and we will meet back up with the highway and we can continue North to the Sunshine Coast . There was no way to go wrong . . . except that the road North was not one road going parallel - - there was a fork in that road . Logically , I would think that the ocean was on my right - - we are in Australia ( not California ) going North , so east is to my right , but my right and left were really mixed up , so I just didn 't trust myself . Anyway , leaving the Zoo , I said turn right . Adam started to turn right and I said , no , no , the Australian right . So I meant left really . If we went left we would be continuing North . It sounded like a good idea at the time . The first thing that happened was that we came to a fork in the road . I said go left , but when Adam went to the left , I said , no , the other left ( meaning right ) . Adam turned around and now we were going South . I was going to tell Adam just go back to the fork , but I was afraid to talk anymore . A little while later ( almost under my breath , because Adam was looking pretty angry still ) I said , this is good . I wasn 't sure that the place to get back on the highway going north wasn 't past King 's Beach - - our actual destination . So going all the way south back to the place that we left the highway was actually more logical . Hey , I didn 't pay all that money for law school for nothing - - I can argue anything . When we got back to the highway ( which was a lot farther than I remembered going originally ) , almost right away there was a sign for King 's beach but we passed it too fast for me to see what it said . And the map on my ipad was showing again . We were going to go over a bridge and then there would be a turn off right away . Except that there wasn 't . The ipad map was completely unable to distinguish an overpass . There were signs , but none of them said King 's Beach . My ipad map went back to a grey grid . I told Adam to get off at the first exit and we 'd just go in the direction of the Ocean . ( I think I was careful not to say left or right , east or west , because I totally no longer trusted my sense of direction ) . So Adam got off and we started trying to go toward where the ocean was . I should say that Adam did that - - I tried to keep my mouth shut , but I concurred with his turns at first . Later we were just going and going through neighborhoods with no sign of the ocean anywhere . I was getting very frustrated and Adam was getting very frustrated . The map showed again on my ipad and I recognized a road . It looked like if we turned around and went left on the next street , straight ahead would be King 's beach . Adam was sceptical ( hell , so was I ) , but he turned around . The place on the map that I wanted to turn had a little strip mall on the corner ( I use the word corner very loosely , but I don 't know how else to describe it - - a bunch of roads just seemed to converge near it , not perpendicularly , not logical ) . A store - - let 's stop for a diet coke I begged . Adam was thrilled to get out of the car and away from me . Ask for directions , I yelled at him as he rushed into the store . Both of us calmed down and drank our sodas . I think Adam had bought more time on his iphone at the little store , because he pulled it out to look at the map . I also figured out that if I enlarged the map and then made it smaller , the grey grid sometimes disappeared on my ipad . I got a pretty good shot of the map and showed it to Adam . We both felt pretty good about the direction that we decided to take out of the parking lot although I was probably still gripping the dashboard because I felt like we were going to crash driving on the wrong side of the road . My brain couldn 't get over the fact that everyone else was too , so it was ok . Anyway , we drove and drove . The ipad went back to grey . Suddenly , there was the ocean . We parked by the side of the road and walked down a rather overgrown path into the sand . The ocean was beautiful . Adam went right out and waded in the water . I was happy to stay up on the dry sand . It was so pleasant , but I really wanted to sit down . I knew that I couldn 't just sit down on the ground ( I lost those days 60 pounds ago ) , but I could see a some big rocks that I could sit on , up the beach . Now all I had to do was walk through the sand to get there and sit down . Walking in the sand is not easy . The rocks looked really far away , but we weren 't going anywhere , so I 'd walk to the rocks and then walk back . It sounded like a great plan - - a great visit to the beach in winter in Australia . So I put one foot in front of the other and sank into the sand and then repeated and sank and repeated and sank . Every once in a while , my foot did not sink three feet and I started to develope a strategy of spreading out my toes in my shoe to distribute my weight so that I wouldn 't sink as much in the sand , but it was all superstitious . It was a very long walk . As I got closer to the rocks , Adam had been way , way , way up the beach and was now coming back toward me . He said , " I hope you don 't think you are going to sit on that sand barge up there . " " What ? That 's not a rock ? " " No , " he said , " It 's sand and it crumbles as soon as you sit on it . I already tried . " Why don 't rental car places leave lawn chairs in the trunks of the rental cars ? I mean really , do they think we are going to try to take their lawn chair on the plane with us when we go home . It would be such a small expense . I 'm serious . We 'd passed a K - mart when we were coming here - - surely Adam could find his way back there to buy me a chair - - then he would have another chair for his apartment . In my brain at the time , it seemed like a brilliant idea . Well I finally made it to the sand brine . It was a nice little sand cliff as high as my butt . There was no way that I was going another step without sitting down , so a sat down as gingerly as possible . The sand did give way a little , but just enough of it held and was packed down by my large butt , so that I could actually sit down . I was still a little afraid to breath such that I might cause an avalance , but I rested a bit . Meanwhile Adam went up and down the beach which was pretty rocky . There were flat rocks that had pools of water and they were covered in moss . Adam started to slip a few times and the personal injury attorney drilled into my brain in law school , saw disaster around that corner . Eventually Adam went down hard and I lost my seat by jumping up to see if he was ok . He was fine . When I got to him I saw that just a little further up the beach was a lovely little park with a bench to sit on . Oh , that 's for me . Maybe they have a coke machine . A girl can dream . It was a bit of a climb to get to the park that was kind of on a bluff above the beach , but Adam dragged me up . There was a very nice bench under a tree and Adam and I sat there a long time just soaking in the beautiful view . What an awesome day ( I said more than once ) . There was a lighthouse on the map a bit further up the coast , so we decided that was where we should go to see the sunset ( which was behind us , not over the ocean ) . What time does the sun go down I asked Adam and he said , six o ' clock or so . We had plenty of time . I tried to talk Adam into getting the car and driving back to this park to pick me up , but my phone didn 't work and we were so lost getting here that neither one of us was buying that plan . The idea of walking back in the sand was not sitting well with me , but I reasoned that at least I had my spread my toes in my shoe technique so that I wouldn 't sink down in the sand so much . Not . We made it back to the car and my map was not grey . It seemed like a straight shot up to the lighthouse and in a very short time we drove into a parking lot . On the map it looked like there was a road to the lighthouse , but from the parking lot , it looked more like a bike trail . We had plenty of time - - it was only about 4 : 40 . The cake smelled really good in the car , but I said , let 's have it with dinner . We started to walk on the trail out toward the ocean - - we were in some kind of a harbor . It was so pretty , but there were a lot of dogs . Between the old people , the dogs and the bikes - - it was really kind of busy . As soon as we started walking I realized the sun was looking like it was getting ready to set . I thought , maybe because it is getting cloudy . The sun behind the clouds near the horizon was looking really gorgeous , but the trail was a lot longer than we thought . Soon it was clear that we were going to have to walk faster to beat the sunset to the lighthouse . The sun was going down fast now . [ Much later I realized , duh , it is Winter in Australia . Sunset was at 5 : 00 p . m . ] We made it to the lighthouse ( on a very steep hill ) , but I had the idea that we could go into the lighthouse and that would be the best place to view the sunset . Adam went up the hill very fast , but then had to wait for slowpook McGee . When we got to the top , the lighthouse was not open . We looked out over the hill and back toward the harbor and took a few pictures . It was an awesome sunset . Then we made the long walk back to the car . On the map , the trail was a circle back to the parking lot , but in reality , the trail turned into a service road for condo 's and it was getting dark . We were both pretty glad to see the car , except that it was a rental car and they all looked alike . I think we had to try the key in a couple of cars before we found the right one . [ My other new best friend in Australia had a good laugh with us over that one - - she said - - it happens all the time . ] Now it was time for cake . Even out of the back of the car , it was so very yummy . Adam had packed a knife and forks , but he didn 't sing ( thank you ) . Since it was my birthday , I wanted to go somewhere for steak for dinner . I loved Outback in the States , but Adam said he 'd never seen an Outback steak house in Australia . They had Sizzlers ( which were really much nicer than the States ) and Lone Star Steakhouse . I knew Lone Start Steakhouse , so that was a winner . I think maybe we looked for directions on Adam 's phone because we found one in Logan that was going to be on our way back . Getting back on the highway was effortless and there were lots of signs for the City ( meaning Brisbane ) . It was a very long , long drive . I was getting sleepy . It was very dark . There were no street lights on the highway . There was lots of other traffic ( but they were all driving in the wrong lanes , but then so were we - - I closed my eyes ) . Anyway , we got off the highway in Logan and just when we thought we were lost we saw the sign for Lone Star . We parked and went in . This is the restaurant that you eat peanuts and throw the shells on the floor . There were no shells on the floor , but we were asked if we wanted a bucket of peanuts as soon as we walked in the door . Sure . The placed looked awful rundown - - like it was build in the 80 's and never updated ( or cleaned ) again . We were escorted to a back booth and the other customers all stared at us . It was like we were in the twilight zone . Anyway , the diet coke was not so good , they had no bread ( they just ran out before we got there ) , they put margarine ( or some Australian version on the theme ) on the baked potato , but the steak was excellent . I remember hating the place and the food , except for the steak . I still remember how excellent the steak was . Anyway , Adam and I were exhausted and we still had a drive ahead of us , so we didn 't linger over dinner and we were back on the road . Adam had driving to my hotel down to a science now , so he pulled up to drop me off . I took the cake , a few more diet cokes , but I forgot the baggies and I forgot my sweatshirt . I told Adam I 'd meet him out front a 9 : 00 a . m . - - tomorrow , museums - - and I thanked him for the best birthday I 'd ever had . It really was an awesome , awesome day . Can you see how turned around that owl 's head is ? That 's me navigating in Brisbane , Australia . I thought that driving was bad on the wrong side of the road . Being a passenger and the navigator was a very close second and sometimes overtook first place . So Adam picked me up on Monday and he 's already driving , so what the hey . I had looked on my ipad to navigate where we were going , but my international 3G was expired ( I think it lasted 10 minutes for $ 26 ) , so no more directions . The map however still came up and our gps , little blue dot still came up so , score ! But every once in a while the screen was just a grey grid with no map , so I reached under the seat to look at the big book the car rental guy had given us . It was completely incomprehensible - - even after I put on my glasses . Anyway , we kind of followed our noses to get out of the City . Occasionally there were signs for Sunshine Coast , so we followed those . At one point we were in backed up traffic at a light and suddenly my ipad showed the map and our blue dot was very close to the intersection to turn to get on the main highway going north . Just as I was telling Adam , this is it , this is our turn , traffic had started and I said , turn right . Adam started to get in the right hand lane and I yelled , no , no , the other right . He yelled , that 's left . We were almost at the turn and I said go that way - - the Australian right ! That was the point that Adam pointed out to me that Left was left everywhere , even in Australia . Smartass . Luckily there was a big green sign saying Sunshine Coast for the left turn and Adam did make the turn , but it was certainly in spite of my directions . Once we were on the highway , we had a really long drive ahead of us . The country was lovely . We started to see billboards for the Australian Zoo . Adam said , that 's what we should do one day while you are here - - go to the zoo . I said let 's go today and he said , no , we 'd have to go early in the morning . It 's 9 : 30 a . m . It is early in the morning . Ok . So we took the turn off ( lots of very readable signs ) for the Zoo and I watched our little blue dot go up the road to the zoo . It was really cool to see our progress on the ipad map . And changing our plans to go to the zoo put Adam in a terrific mood - - I never would have guessed that he would like the zoo so much . So , I don 't have my fanny pack , no sunscreen , no hat , I 'm wearing a sweatshirt on a sunny , beautiful day and we are getting ready to spend the day at the zoo . And this is a change in plans from spending the whole day at the beach . What was I thinking ? The first order of business was to buy a hat . Adam didn 't want one . After the souvenir store , we came upon a place to line up to feed the elephants . The time was listed at about 10 minutes from the time we were there and there were literally no other people around . The zoo was practically empty . There were more staff than visitors . I didn 't want to wait in line and there was a sign for Koala Bears , so we didn 't stay . The koala bears were a little stinky , but awfully darn cute . We walked up from there and saw an alligator . It looked like a statute . Never moved at all . Then we went back to the elephants . There was now a line a mile long , so we decided not to feed the elephants and I started to be interested in feeding me . I think my diet coke hour was almost up . We passed more and more alligators or crocodiles or both , but they all looked like statutes - - none of them moved . Much later in the day I finally saw one blink . The signs said that they are incredible fast and not to take any changes . No worries - - the day I get anywhere near an alligator or crocodile without a big , big fence between us will never happen . So Adam wanted me to pet a Kangaroo . Really . Wasn 't going to happen . " Come on , Kathy , pet a Kangaroo . You have to . It 's your birthday . How awesome would that be to pet a Kangaroo on your birthday in Australia . " Adam on the other hand was very happy to pet a kangaroo - - to pet many kangaro s . And we saw baby kangaroos in their mother 's pou h . Their hind legs are more like very large bird talons , so at one point I saw this really disgusting looking long talon hanging out of a Kangaroo 's stomach - - a scene right out of an alien from outer space movie , only to realize that was the baby Kangaroo 's hind l g . The baby Kangaroo pulled in their leg ( large sharp looking talon ) into their mother 's furry soft looking pou h . It was something to s Finally Adam accepted that I was not going to pet a Kangar o . A little later we went through the Avia y . I had heard that there were wonderfully beautiful parrots in Australia and I couldn 't wait to see some awesome bir s . And then I was attack d . We had just entered the enclosure , when I saw a bird take a nose dive right for e . I felt the impact and thought that he hit me , but actually he landed on my shoulder and started to peck at e . Luckily he was pecking at my sweatshirt collar , but I was freaking out and Adam was laughing and laughi g . He said the bird is attacking you because you refused to pet a kangar After a while it was just too fun y . One little bird against a great big gi l . Finally , a zoo keeper saw me and came over to remove the bi d . He said " Oh , is this little fellow bothering y u . He is just 4 weeks old and he was born with only one e e . The other birds pick on him , so he tends to attach himself to peopl . " The guy showed us the cuts on his own hand where the bird had pecked him , so I was pretty glad to be wearing the sweatshirt n w . Another girl ( zoo keeper ) showed up to take the bird and she had peck marks all over her hand al o . It could have been a lot worse , but I was attacked by a one - eyed bird on my birthd y . How awesome is th Finally , we found the elephant enclosure , but the elephants were out getting fed . We were kind of hanging out in the shade ( did I mention what a bad idea wearing a sweatshirt out in the sun all day was ) . Then walking through the park comes the three elephants , trunk to tail in a line back to their enclosure . They were given really large branches with leaves on them and they were eating them . It was really cool to see how they maneuvered the branches into their mouths using their trunks . We stayed there for a while . It was shady . At some point we went to the Zoo 's version of a food court . It was up stairs , but we did find an elevator ( yea ! ) [ excuse me " lift " . You can 't say elevator in Australia - - they look at you funny . ] I was going to go for the pizza , but it had garlic on it . Then I was going to go for some chicken thing , but it looked too odd . I think I finally settled for another bacon and tomato sandwich with " chips " with tomato sauce ( actually yummy french fries and ketchup ) . Again , it was Canadian bacon type and cooked tomato - - but this time I was careful NOT to try the tomato . I ordered a souvenir cup of soda . It was going to be $ 9 , but I figured a large glass of ice and a large souvenir cup - - I 'm on vacation . When the fellow started filling it with soda , he didn 't put any ice in it . Wait , I said , fill it with ice . We don 't have any ice , he said . No ice ? I said incredibly ! No ice , he said matter of factly . I 'll have a water . While we were eating , a very large , aggressive bird ( who looked a lot like the bird pictured above ) was harassing a toddler in a stroller near us . The mother was actually laughing AT the small child and berating him for being afraid of a bird . I tried to remind myself that I was in a foreign country and it was none of my business , but I really wanted to punch that woman in the face . The urge was visceral . I was probably just ice deprived . But I digress . Any way , between wanting to get into a fist fight , no ice , really warm weather and not so much shade , I couldn 't stand the sweatshirt anymore and I had to buy a tee shirt . I got a really cool one with aboriginal pictures of kangaroos . Happy birthday to me . I offered to go see the kangaroos again , but I assured Adam I was not going to pet one , so Adam passed . We had pretty much seen the zoo and not a minute too soon . As we made our way toward the exit , we were bombarded with thousands of school children entering the zoo . Thousands . I don 't think I 'm exaggerating at all . They all wore uniforms . It was quite a sight . And then I saw the alligator blink . I was truly suOutside the zoo , there was a coke machine . A 500 ml of diet coke was $ 5 . 50 . Four would make a 2 liter that I am used to paying $ 1 . 69 for if it is not on sale . So that is $ 22 vs . 1 . 69 [ In all fairness , the little store at the mall charges $ 2 for the 500 ml size , so it is $ 5 . 50 to $ 2 - - 275 % increase . ] I still wanted to buy it . It had been an hour since my last one . I had to break a $ 20 , but then the machine was out . So , hot ( sweatshirt ) , bothered ( wanted to punch crazy mother ) , lack of ice ( $ 9 for a souvenir cup and no ice - - it boggles my mind ) , lack of diet coke , survivor of a bird attack , really creeped out by the thousands of school children in school uniforms - - hmmm , let 's add jet lagged , in a foreign country , a foreign hemisphere - - I need lots of excuses , because after we left the zoo , Adam looked to me to be the navigator . Suffice it to say , I was really , really bad at it . So this trip was over my birthday . This is me smiling at the rain forest again , maybe day four . I think that is the day that I realized that I didn 't have enough good pictures . But let 's back up to where Chapter Four left off . The French Open . As you all know , I am an avid tennis fan - - but my ability to see tennis matches is fairly limited to the majors . Only one major is in the US and that is in NY - - three time zones away . Another is in Australia ( 18 time zones ) , London ( 8 time zones ) and Paris ( 9 time zones ) . So four times a year for about two weeks at all crazy hours on limited channels , I get to see tennis matchs . One time I had a terrible cold and stayed home from work for a whole week in January right at the perfect time to see matchs in the Australian Open . Except for the coughing and puking - - that was an awesome week . But I digress . The plane trip to Australia involved going forward 17 time zones and 14 hours travel time so that I lost June 4th . I didn 't have a June 4th this year . But that was the date of the Women 's Final in the French Open . I wasn 't too sad to miss it , because for some reason I just don 't like Sciovone . She 's such a scrapper and so volitale , that logically she should be one of my favorites , but I just don 't like her . It defies logic , but it 's not like I 'll ever meet her in person and if I did , I 'm sure that I would be suitably impressed and polite and not embarass myself . Where was I ? Oh yes , the French . Li Na made it to the finals . I really like Li Na . Although she is a solid player , I don 't think I 've seen her play more than twice . The women 's field is really wide open - - there are so many excellant players and without the dominance of the Williams , no one remains a clear favorite . So yes , I did kind of really , really , really wanted to see the final . I was soooo happy to see the red clay of the French through the window of that restaurant on the Brisbane River . What a wonderful treat . Li Na won - - awesome for the sport . Awesome for her . They gave us way too much food , but even though I had a refrigerator in my room , I insisted that Adam take the left overs , because I wasn 't going to be in the room very much and certainly not for meals . We walked back to the hotel and tried to get the car out of the elevator to go to the grocery store to buy a bag of ice . No attendant . The car was in an elevator , but we didn 't have the controls , so we had to go back to the desk . Mr . Smilie , just wasn 't as smileali as he had been before and he avoided eye contact amazingly well . However , very soon the attendant appeared and let the car out of the cage . I think I tried to drive again , but we were only going a few blocks . Parking was very odd , but we survived . Adam had asked me if I wanted him to bake a cake for my birthday ( the next day ) . I love chocolate cake and pizza . I had just eaten pizza , so before I could tell Adam it was totally unnecessary to go to any trouble , my mouth said an emphatic " Yes . " " Then I 'll need to buy a cake pan , " he said . So we shopped for everything that he 'd need to make a cake . They didn 't have an oblong cake pan per se , but there was one that was close . It turned out to be a roasting pan , but it worked . And the cake mix boxes were a very odd shape . He was going to need a 1 / 4 cup ( metric equivilent ) of vegetible oil , so we had to buy a great big bottle . They had a name brand that I recognized and a brand I didn 't recognize ( surprise , surprise - - I was in a different hemisphere ) for 4 cents cheaper . Adam wanted to save the 4 cents , but I wouldn 't let him . [ As an aside , it couldn 't have been 4 cents , because they don 't have pennies in Australia . Generally , the smaller the coin , the more it is worth . I think they had five dollar coins , and I know they had two dollar coins , one dollar , fifty cents ( that was a giant coin ) , 10 cents ( very , very small and thin ) and I think that there was a five cents coin , but I don 't remember having one . The dimes really threw me off just when I thought it was logical . But I digress . ] At the check out counter , Adam suggested that I buy a 24 can case of diet coke ( great idea - - stock the fridge in case we have an ice catastrophy ) and at the last minute remembered that we were there to buy a bag of ice . My girl scout training kicked into gear and I ran out of line to pick up ziplock bags ( or their version of the theme ) so that I could put some ice into a smaller bag to fit into the teeny tiny freezer for the following day . I was so impressed with my foresight . We had decided to park the car at Adam 's apartment . They had a dedicated parking space and no cars , so I would save $ 9 a day and not have to park in the elevator . It was probably going on 3 : 30 or 4 p . m . by that point . I had been awake for over 40 hours or more . Although I was no longer not not hungry , I was pretty exhausted . I told Adam that I would go back to the hotel and take a nap and call him later to do something . If I didn 't call him , then he should just come over at 9 : 00 a . m . and we would head up the Coast . I wanted to see the Pacific Ocean first on my trip . When I had mentioned wanting to go to the Ocean north of Brisbane , Jade had suggested King Beach , so that sounded like a great plan . We 'd go to the beach . Adam was going to drop me off , because he would be taking the car to park at his place . But I couldn 't carry the ice and a twenty - four pack of cans of diet coke , so I took just six . I forgot the ziplock bags . When I got to the room I unpacked a little and put the diet coke in the fridge and I was going to make myself a cup of ice to have a diet coke , but instead , I put the big bag of ice in the bottem of the fridge and laid down to take a nap . Ten hours later I woke up . It was 3 a . m . and I was wide awake . Now what ? I turned on the tv . OH MY , LIONS AND TIGERS AND BEARS . There were 14 channels . 14 . None showed movies . None . Six showed sports : rugby . All . The . Time . Four were news channels . One rather local . One rather national . BBC and another International . Sometimes the news shows were exactly like Good Morning America - - about American news , but with different people . It was so odd . Two of the channels were music videos . Except that one was sometimes frozen on the screen . The other showed music video themes - - the top 1 , 000 songs about sunshine - - counting down . I tuned in at about 857 - - It was so awful that I couldn 't turn away - - it was like watching a natural disaster - - you just can 't turn the channel . My favorite was TV Land . Murder She Wrote was on at about 6 a . m . each day . I made sure to tune in . DiagnAlthough I knew it was Winter in Australia , I brought jeans and tee shirts mostly . I reasoned that I had a sweater and a jacket , so I should be fine . I brought only one sweatshirt . That first morning , I lameted the fact that I had only one sweatshirt . I needed it as my pajamas ( I sleep in sweats because I am always cold ) , but it was really cold outside ( at 3 a . m . ) so I was going to need the sweat shirt , sweater and the jacket . And this was only my first day . Oh well , I thought - - if I have to buy something to wear , I 'll buy something to wear . As it got closer to 9 a . m . , it warmed up a bit , so that I wasn 't going to also take my sweater , but I was definitely taking my jacket - - even if I just left it in the car . We were going to the beach in winter - - I bundle up at the beach in summer , so I was ready for some cold . The sky was a brilliant , beautiful blue . It was going to be a gorgeous day . I 'm not sure how Adam and I connected , because I don 't think that I could make phone calls , but I walked out and there he was . I got in the car and he told me that there was a cake in the back . I could smell it . It was going to be an awesome day ! I wish this was the view from my Best Western hotel , but it was not . This is the sunshine coast , north of Brisbane . No , the view from my hotel was a bunch of buildings and the tallest one , right out the window had a big digital clock on it . That was actually kind of handy . Also , the building accross the street had mirrored windows , so that I could look at the bottem floor and see Adam enter the hotel from the street in the morning , but I digress . When we left off , it was still my first day in Australia and I had just visited Adam 's apartment , killing time , because my room was not ready yet . My little glass of ice was gone too soon and there were too few of the little teeny ice cubes frozen to make much of a second glass of diet coke , so all too soon , it was time to leave Adam 's place and walk , walk , walk back to my hotel . I would say , at least it was down hill , but my knees hurt just as much down hill as up hill . Note to self : lose 30 pounds last month . But I digress . When we got back to the hotel , there was a new person at the desk . He smiled very brightly and I was encouraged . Mr . Meanie ( whom I had met earlier ) was still there , but he was excellant at not making eye contact . Mr . Smilie listened to my request to check in and cocked his head and said " Huh ? " It was as though I was speaking a different language . He didn 't seem to understand me . Finally I just gave him my credit card and he found my room . As I recall these moments , I realize that I was babbling on and on about the odd parking situation , so perhaps I was incoherent , but his puzzlement really lead me to believe that either he didn 't understand English or I wasn 't speaking it . Anyway , as I gathered my bags out of storage and started to my room , I asked where was the ice machine ? " What ? " Mr . Smilie says . The ice machine , I repeated , enounciating every syllable - - my English was a second language to him . " No , no ice machines " he says . NO ICE MACHINES ? ? ? Really , the expression on my face must have been something for the record books . I flew thousands and thousands of miles to a different continent , a different hemisphere and you have no ice machines ? This is information you are supposed to state out loud on your brochure so as to avoid hysterical women from running up and down the halls screaming frauds , liars , cheats ! No ice machines - - who do you think you are ? European ? I don 't think I said any of that out loud , but it was sure written all over my face . Mr . Smilie , however , was not a complete ogre - - he added " You can get ice at the restaurant , right here " and he pointed around the corner . Breathe , I told myself , breathe . So I went around the corner to the restaurant and tried to get the attention of the fellow behind the bar . He was also , quite the expert at avoiding eye contact . But I was on a mission to get ice . I spent 14 hours in a plane with no ice . Adam 's teeny tiny ice cubes just would not cut it for a whole week . This restaurant better have ice and they better give it to me NOW ! Finally , I got the guy 's attentio . . . . . . . . . . Even as I remember this , I distinctly remember counting to 10 . Let 's break down the news that had just been imparted to me . They were closed for lunch . The restaurant in the hotel was closed . For lunch . Ok , I reasoned . It is Sunday . Perhaps on Sunday , a nice breakfast / brunch service is offered and they close in the afternoon before a big Sunday dinner service . I guess I can try to wrap my mind around the concept that they , the restaurant in the hotel are closed for lunch . It is a stretch , but by golly , I 'm in a different country . If the custom in Australia is to close the only restaurant in the hotel for lunch on Sunday , then by golly , I 'm just going to have to accept that there are some customs I 'll never understand . But " I already turned off the ice machine . There 's no ice . " This is incomprehensible to me . Counting to ten did not help me at all . There 's no ice , there 's no ice , there 's no ice . I just couldn 't comprehend it . Perhaps it was the jet lag . Perhaps it was the extreme fatigue . Perhaps it was that I was not completely not hungry . Perhaps it was my brain trying to circle the drain in the oposite direction being in the Southern Hemisphere . " There 's no ice . " No comprende . [ That reminds me of what I like so much about " The Tourist " , he was speaking Spanish in Italy and expecting every one to understand him - - so cute . ] As I left the restaurant weighing my options , stay at a hotel with no ice , stay with Adam with teeny tiny ice cubes , I realized that I was willing to spend money to buy ice . They sold great big bags of ice at the grocery store we 'd just been to in the neighborhood . I was willing to buy a great big bag of ice every day if I had to . I had a car . This problem has just been solved . Relief spread through me , delight almost . Oh my , crisis averted . That was close . I feel so much better . I think I laughed out loud , I was so relieved . As I passed the desk , I remembered to ask Mr . Smilie the password for the wireless . [ There was a line now , so I had to wait a bit , but solving the ice crisis had put me in magnanomous frame of mind . I was happy to wait . ] Finally it was my turn and I tried to remember to enounciate . " What is the password for the wireless internet ? " I asked with a great big smile left over from solving the ice issue . " We don 't have wireless internet . There is a dial up Internet connection available for a fee in the back computer room . " I was just too numb to feel the blow . The significance of " no internet " just didn 't occur to me . We walked back to the elevators and off to the side I saw a tiny windowless room with a 1980 's computer moniter and it didn 't even register . I put " there 's no wireless internet " out of my mind completely . Denial , denial , denial . I refused to allow the concept to enter my brain . Let 's see the room . The lobby was nice enough , but there was no ice and the restaurant closed for lunch . The clerks were mean or uncomprehending . It was almost impossible to drive here and parking was in a skinny back alley elevator . My brain had seen the 1980 's computer moniter , even if I was trying to block it out . I was getting rather giddy frightened . I tried the card . Nothing . You were supposed to " wave " it in front of the scanner . I waved it and waved it , but nothing happened . I tried the door knob to see if I just wasn 't hearing a click . It was locked , but I happened to glance at the key cover and realized I was at the wrong room . Whoops . We went to the right door and the key worked right away . I was pleasantly surprised that the room was very nice . There was a washing machine in the bathroom , so the sink was built very high . I liked that a lot . There was a full kitchen , stove , refrigerator and sink . Two microwave ovens . [ Don 't ask me why they had two microwave ovens - - there was a washing machine in the bathroom and their only restaurant closed for lunch . I cannot comprehend such customs . ] There was a sofa , a desk , two nice chairs and a beautiful balcony with a table and chairs to sit out on . It overlooked the city and it was lovely . But none of the lights worked . Every switch and nothing . Finally , Adam realized that there was a place next to the door to insert the key card that connected the electric . When you leave the room the electricity goes off , so no lights left burning . Very green and economical . Each electrical outlet had a switch on it , so that you could turn off the outlet when you were not using the things plugged in . Really cool . All in all , the place was redeeming itself , big time . It was a very comfortable room . And then I looked at the tv . WraaRow . It looked pretty old . Oh well , Adam and I will be out most of the time anyway . I didn 't fly thousands and thousands of miles to watch tv in Australia - - how bad can it be ? Well , I 'd gone almost an hour without a diet coke and there was no ice at this hotel , so we should be heading out to remedy this situation . We decided to do some sight seeing and we walked down to the River . I did not have any expectations for the River . My original vacation plans were to go to Hawaii , so trading down to a river from the ocean made my expectations nil . Oh contraire , mon frair . The river in Brisbane was beautiful . Absolutely lovely . The walk through the City was beautiful . It was a gorgeous Sunday afternoon . [ And more gentle hills between the hotel and the river than between the hotel and Adam 's apartment - - so a much easier walk . ] Along the river there was a wide flat walkway that made for a very pleasant stroll . We passed a very nice looking bar that served Italian food - - that means Pizza . From the window , I saw Li Na and Sciavone and the red clay of the French . The score was 2 2 . Oh my . I lost Saturday completely in my flight . I already knew who won , but here it was , right there . We must go in , I told Adam . We ordered lunch ( pizza for me ) and they had diet coke and a glass with ice without me specially requesting it and I got to watch the Women 's finals of the French . This vacation was really looking up , big time . This little guy likes climbing a tree to get into his house . He doesn 't need no stinking chair . Me , same boat ? , not so much . So when we left off , Adam and I were walking ( read climbing ) to his apartment and he had just pointed out their neighborhood grocery store . As it turns out , we needed to go the grocery store , because that is where Jade was ( Adam 's Australian native roommate - - who traded living with her four brothers to be roommates with two fewer boys , Adam and Wayne in a three bedroom apartment ) . Jade had the key . Apparently , even though there are three bedrooms , there are only two keys . Wayne has a key and we know that he is at work at the Airport Coffee Club ( where we 've just had breakfast ) and Jade has a key , because she was going to be going out and they didn 't know what time Adam would be back from picking his Aunt up at the airport . It makes sense to them and the apartment is affordable , so who am I to make waves . Jade has texted Adam that she is not home , but went to the grocery store . So we will meet her there . Me , I was thrilled to stop at a store to buy a diet coke - - it had almost been an hour . The side of the building as we were approaching looked like a brick , non - descript building , but inside it was a big and bright and fully stocked grocery store . Many brands were different , but otherwise it was exactly the same as America . Except that my diet coke was $ 4 . 50 for a 500ml bottle . The two liter was also pretty expensive and we were walking and I 'd have to carry it , but I wouldn 't pay $ 4 . 50 for a small one ( yet ) . ( I probably made Adam carry it . ) So Jade wasn 't at the store , but we presumed that was because I was such a slowpoke and that she was probably home again . I used my credit card to pay , because again , I hadn 't exchanged my US dollars and they really didn 't want them . Debit or credit ? Pin or signature ? Can I see your ID ? There 's going to be a charge for this . I 'm on vacation , of course there is . Outside of the store Adam started up a street and I said , you live on this street ( this was before I fully understood that his idea of a block and my idea of a block are two different things ) and he said , no , right up here and he pointed . So we walked ( read climbed ) and walked and then he turned in and said this is it . It is a modest looking building with a nice entry way . He buzzed up and Jade was home . In the foyey was a large staircase . I looked left and right . Where 's the elevator , I asked . There isn 't one , he said . No elevator ? and I looked up the stairs . What floor are you on ? The third . Three flights of stairs , I said . Ok , I thought , I can do this . It 's for Adam . So I climbed and climbed , turned a corner and climbed and climbed , turned , climbed , turned , climbed and climbed . Finally I looked up and said how much further is it ? Each floor had two flights - - it seemed a lot longer than just three floors . Finally , we were at his door . His apartment has the kitchen to the left as you come in the front door - - more of a galley style open kitchen to the living room space . It was a nice size , but not large . To the right there was another staircase in the apartment . That led to Jade 's room which was a pretty separate space . All the way to the left was a small balacony overlooking the street . I asked to see Adam 's room and it was a very small room with a mattrass and a bunch of clothes . Where 'd you get all these clothes , I asked him , since I knew that he came to Australia with only a back pack and one pair of jeans . He said that these are all Waynes clothes too - - they share . Wayne 's room was the next door and it was about the same size as Adam 's room . The last room was the bathroom , which was a pretty good size and had a washer and dryer in it . Ok , they were third world looking contraptions , but Adam said that 's where they do their laundry . They also had a ductless heater / airconditioner . Adam said it works really well at cooling the room down and providing heat for the apartment . The walls were completely white and thereAs I took in the apartment , my exhausted self was looking desparately for someplace to sit . There was no furniture . If I had tried to sit on Adam 's mattrass on the floor , I probably wouldn 't be able to get back up . There was one wicker and medal chair that looked one step away from trash day . I gingerly sat down on it and it didn 't break . Adam said that 's his chair , because he found it in the trash and brought it home . He said that Wayne has a beanbag chair , Jade has a computer chair in her room and he has the wicker chair , so they all have someplace to sit . For the whole week I bugged Adam to let me take him shopping for a chair for me to sit on at his place , but he would never let me . I met Jade - - she was taking a break from studying for finals to make herself breakfast . She 's very nice . I didn 't see her again , because she was very busy studying the whole week . My next order of business was to get a glass of ice and a diet coke . I asked Adam for some ice . Ice ? , he said , I 'm not sure if we have any ice . The look of panic that must have been on my face was probably priceless . He opened the freezer and said , Yes , we have ice . He proceeded to empty these two tini tiny little bitty ice trays into a very small container . He gave me two or three little , tiny ice cubes and I said , no , I 'll take all of them . I filled the glass and poured my diet coke . I sat on the wicker chair that still didn 't break and there was a cool breeze off the balcony . All was right with the world . Stay tuned - - if I thought ice at Adam 's apartment was difficult , wait til I get back to my hotel . They didn 't have any ice machines - - none . No wireless either . A real winner , I picked . Isn 't this a cool building . Downtown Brisbane was beautiful - - very clean , very pretty , very crowded and very hilly too . The streets were nearly impossible to navigate , but we tried . After I found Adam and gave him a good , long hug ( kind of leaning on him , so that I wouldn 't fall down ) , he pointed a few feet away and said , " do you want to meet one of my roommates , Wayne ? " Wayne works at the Coffee Club right at the airport directly outside the customs room . How handy was that . And it is a real restaurant , which Adam attests has really good breakfasts . I 've just been on a plane for 14 hours with nothing to eat or drink , so the plan is perfect . They had eggs on the menu and crapes and stuff that sounded like breakfast , but I was leary . It was awfully upscale for my taste . Then I saw Bacon and Tomato on Toast - - well that 's my all time favorite thing to eat - - no bothersome lettuce . They had an actual bottle of diet coke with my specially requested glass of ice ( I had to explain exactly what I wanted for a glass of ice to Wayne - - no , not that tiny juice glass , a big glass - - I almost took out my burger king cup , but I didn 't want to get it dirty ) . Wayne took our order and I paid $ 17 for breakfast on my credit card , since I hadn 't exchanged any cash and they really didn 't take my american money . My credit card , sure . Credit or debit ? Pin or Signature ? Can I see your id ? I heard that a lot over the next week , but I digress . The amount for breakfast seemed kind of high , but I was so happy to get to sit down and eat something , I was happy to pay it . AND a lady on the plane had told the people sitting next to me not to tip in Australia . She said that everyone makes a living wage , so there 's no tipping . Adam had told me that the wages are really good - - something like the minimum wage is $ 11 an hour and it goes up even for lower level jobs . So I was happy to pay $ 17 ( now that I think about it , Wayne probably gave us an employee discount or something ) . We took our number and sat down in really comfortable chairs - - they were like lounge chairs that you would curl up and read a book in at a table that was just the right height for the chairs . And I got my diet coke over ice right away . I was sooooo happy . I was sooooo stupidly looking forward to my bacon and tomato on toast . I don 't know why I was completely unprepared for what I was served . Did I not just fly for many , many thousands of miles to a different continent , a different hemisphere ? ? ? The bacon was rather lightly cooked pork - - kind of like canadian bacon , with a lot of fat . The tomatoes were cooked - - hot even . The toast was very thickly sliced and only toasted on one side . I tentatively tried the bacon and it was not altogether unedible , so I ate it all . Did I mention I was just off a 14 hour flight with nothing to eat or drink for 14 hours ? I also ate two pieces of toast , though a bit less enthousiastically than I usually eat bread ( hands down my favorite food in the whole wide world - - I often say that bread and butter are my dessert , but I digress ) . I was very hungry and a little distracted , so that , yes I bit into a cooked tomato . I 'll never do that again . Adam had some kind of breakfast wrap thing and he quickly cleaned his plate . I was not done just sitting and relaxing , so I offered him the end of my bread and he cleaned my plate too . I 've so missed that . Twenty - One years old and still a bottemless pit of a boy , but I digress . When we couldn 't justify hogging a perfectly good table with no food left on it any longer , we made our way over to the car rental stalls . It was only about 7 : 30 a . m . , so I was a little concerned that they might not be open . I was renting from Thrifty . There were five stalls and tucked in the middle was the sign for Thrify . It appeared to be unmanned , but as we approached we could make out the blond head of a young guy sitting behind the high counter . He was really quite hidden until you were right up to the counter . He did not get up from his seat that was too low for the counter , but I gave him my name and confirmation number and he typed a few things in the computer and handed me a form to sign to say that there were no dents on the car . But I haven 't seen the car , I told him . That 's ok , he says , just a formality . If I find anything , I should come right back and let him know . Now I know what you are thinking - - I 'm a lawyer - - no way am I signing a statement that there are no dents until I see for myself that there are no dents . I 'm just about ready to argue with the guy , when I realize - - he 's a kid . He looks like a bored teenager , who 'd rather be out surfing . If I find a dent , I can take this kid in a fight ( tired as I was ) and get the form back from him . Or maybe it was his accent . He had just the slightest accent that sounded like ( and looked a very little like ) Lleyton Hewitt , my favorite Australian Tennis player . You 're on vacation , I told myself and I signed the form . Do you have a map of the city , I asked that little kid . Where do you want to go ? I said , well , we 'll want to go all over the City , so if you just have a City map . . . . He handed me the equivilent of a Thomas Guide ( though not quite so logical ) for all of Australia - - a very large , heavy book and said , just leave it in the car when you come back . After I picked my jaw off the floor , I took the keys , confirmed the parking spot number and let the kid point me in the direction of the lot ( right outside the terminal doors ) to get the car . As we were walking away , Adam said , you know the steering wheel is on the other side and you drive on the left , right . There was a disbelief in his voice as if to say , do you actually realize what you are doing , renting a car in Australia . Yes , I know . Then he said , are you sure you got an automatic ? Yes , I paid more for a midsize automatic . Ok . Then I looked down at the very large book that was supposed to be a map . Oh my . Lions and tigers and bears . Adam and I went back to say good - bye to Wayne ( and all his co - workers called out to say good - bye to Adam - - he later told me he just met them at a party a few weeks before , so their adulation was a bit over the top and Adam seemed a bit embarrassed by it . My theory is that Adam is just such a nice person , he makes others feel comfortable right away , so that they feel a lot closer than they are in reality . That 's happened to me . Did I mention the lady on the plane who told " me " that I didn 't have to tip in Australia - - she 's my best friend in Australia , except for Adam , Wayne and their other roommate Jade and the jolly customs guy . I 'm very fond of the Thrifty rent a car kid , but I 'm sure he forgot me right away - - he 's just a kid , but I digress . ) The car was exactly where we were directed to go and even though we were just talking about it , I went to the wrong door to drive . Adam very politely offered to drive , but I declined - - no , no - - I can do it . We switched sides and I got into the drivers side ( Australian driver 's side ) . It took a little while , but I started the car and pulled out . Adam reminded me to drive on the other side . I had already forgotten and I was just starting . So I got over , but I was convinced I was going to hit something , so I kind of stayed in the middle of the road . Somehow - - I don 't know how , because I 've blocked it out of my mind , I made it into the City . We had to drive around and around trying to find my hotel . We could see it , but you were not allowed to turn on the street from the street we were on , so we had to try to go around the block . Except that it wasn 't a block , it was a large park and then a hospital and we were right back on the street that we couldn 't turn from onto the street . After the second time around , I was starting to wonder if that is why I got the room so cheap . Eventually , we were able to drive past it , but there was no entrance for parking . Eventually , back around we were able to find the entrance for parking - - a very skinny alleyway . The parking for the hotel was in a car elevator . You backed into a spot and then they elevated your car to a different level so that someone else could park too . You would have to get the attendent to get your car . It was the weirdest thing and I was not comfortable driving on the wrong side , backing into an elevator in a rental car . And I was still very tired ( and not completely not hungry ) . Still , I did it . But I didn 't do it very well , because the attendant wanted me to repark it . I think that is the point that I handed Adam the keys and I never had to drive again . That is not to say that Adam was not a bit timid - - you try driving with a hysterical crazy aunt tuting her tongue and staring at you like you are about to crash and gripping the dashboard in a death grip . Poor guy . So we went into my hotel to check in , except I was four hours early for check in . After waiting and waiting and waiting for my very rude check in clerk to talk to me ( he is not anywhere on the list of my friends in Australia ) , we stowed my bags and set out to walk to Adam 's apartment which he said was about three blocks away . Now let me stop right here to explain that Adam 's idea of a block and my idea of a block are not the same . If you have to walk around three sides of a block , to Adam that is one block , to me that is three blocks . So Adam was really nine blocks away , up hill . I know that is not logical , but you try walking around Brisbane and then we 'll talk . At one point , after we 'd been walking and walking and walking ( or should I say , climbing and climbing and climbing - - it was really all up hill ) , Adam said see that building over there ( it was about two blocks away in my blocks ) , that is our grocery store and we live one block away from there . I don 't think so Jacko . It was very clear to me that wrong side of the road or not , it was a darn good thing I rented a car even if we never left the City at all . Stay tuned . Next I visit Adam 's apartment after having walked up hill for miles and miles ( and don 't forget I 'm exhausted and not entirely not hungry ) , I get to walk up three floors ( five flights of stairs ) and then he has no furniture . I am not a sit on the floor kind of girl ( old woman ) . So I went to see Adam in Australia a couple of weeks ago ( is that all ? ) It is winter there ( hence Adam bundled up ) . This is a rain forest behind him - - we are on a " sky walk " set of raised trails above the rain forest . The brochure said that there was lots of exotic wildlife - - birds , butterflies , critters - - but it is winter , so we didn 't see anything but pictures of birds , butterflies and critters ( giant bugs ) . But let me start at the beginning . My facebook post was a little ditty about getting a window seat on the plane . I knew that the long flight ( 14 hours ) was going to be arduous . I reasoned that if I had a window seat and could lean against the wall , it would be slightly less horrible . The gal on the phone who refused to reserve a seat for me assured me that if I was just three hours early for my flight , I would surely get my window seat . I mentioned this plan to another person who said that she arrived three hours early just in time to get in line behind a tour group that was advised to get there three hours early . She got a middle seat . A middle seat WAS my worst nightmare . I got to the airport four and a half hours early . I got the last window seat . The flight to Australia was horrible . Except for the 1 hour and 48 minutes that I saw the movie " The Tourist " and the two 34 minute episodes of some weird cop drama , and the eight or nine minutes that I dozed off - - there is no way to sugar coat it . It was horrible . I had brought diet coke to drink on the plane , but I really tried to sleep for the first six hours , so that by the time I wanted to drink a diet coke , it was warm . The woefully inadequate staff on the plane asked me if I wanted anything at about hour 13 ( really - - not a single drink service - - dinner and breakfast that were so disgusting I couldn 't stand the smell from my neighbor and tho only offer of drinks was for coffee or tea - - coffee or tea ? ? really ? ? ) The falsely cheery steward type person assured me that a cup of ice was coming right up . Not . Thank goodness they had passed out a little bottle of water at the beginning of the flight and strongly suggested that everyone take one , even if they didn 't want it . Little did I know that would be the extent of my liquids on the flight . The guy behind me took off his shoes at the beginning of the flight and darn if those stinky feet didn 't stay stinky the entire 14 hours . The guy in front of me put his seat back as soon as the flight took off and didn 't straighten until we landed . So even if I wanted my warm diet coke ( which I really , really did by hour 13 ) , I couldn 't reach it . For some reason the guy in front of me could not hear my desparate pleas - - probably because I was in a stupor and could not get any sound out of my parched throat , but I digress . [ In all fairness , near the end of the flight , a stewardess did actually look at me and ask me if I was alright , but when I said I was fine ( really expecting the next question to be what would you like to drink ) , she was gone faster than a water slide and I never saw her again . ] Finally , because all things do eventually pass , even torture , we landed . I took my time exiting , because I really kind of thought I might pass out . My carry on was really , really heavy ( three full diet cokes ) . The lines for customs were rather confusing , but I stood where they told me to . The people directing the lines looked like they were retired greeters at walmarts - - they smiled , but they didn 't really seem to know any more than the tired and confused passengers . Anyhoo , the customs guy looked at me really closely , scanned my passport , held it up to me comparing my facial features , grilled me on where was I staying in Australia and why was I there . " Grilled " is probably too harsh - - they were actually very nice , but I was so exhausted , it was a real effort to remain standing . Next it was off to get my luggage . I was having trouble carrying my carry on , so I was not looking forward to adding two suitcases to my load . There were a lot of people so I really couldn 't get very close to find my bags , but after a while I heard an announcement telling me I was at the wrong carrosal . So I went to the correct one and not too long thereafter , I found my bags . I mustered all my strength and heaved my bags off and proceeded to the line through the next stage of customs . My bags were on rollers , but there were two of them . At first I seemed to have plenty of room to manuver , but soon I realized the line was not where I was standing and I needed to go around , but there were people in the way . A " greeter " type was trying to direct the line , but it seemed to me that she just made it more confused . The line was getting longer and longer , but I was blocked from getting into the line . I wasn 't the only one and desparate travelors were cutting into the line . I figured that if I waited long enough , I would be able to get in line properly . If other people wanted to cut , that was on their conscious . I tried to scowl , but I was too tired and no one was looking at me anyway and let 's face it , my face just naturally looks like a scowl . I Adam . No worries . Stay tuned - - they drive on the wrong left side of the road in Australia making me confuse left and right , left and right . I 'd say , " go to the right - - no the Australia right . " " That 's left , " Adam would tell me . " It 's left everywhere , not just in Australia , " he 'd say . " No , " I 'd say , " you know what I mean . " Two years of french and half the family speaking it when I was a kid , probably doesn 't make this correct , but my translation is " Poor You " . Number One , Caroline Wozniacki - - OUT ( early too ) , my favorite , Kim Clijsters - - OUT ( even earlier ) , former winner of the French , Kuznetsova - - OUT ( heartbreak - - Bartoli was a monster in that match ) , Zvonareva - - OUT , another of my favorites Jelena Jankovic - - OUT ( up a set and loses to Schiavone - - now that was a heartbreaker ) , Azarenka - - OUT , last year 's finalist Sam Stosur - - OUT ( I was rooting for her - - very solid Australian player ) and now , today , Maria Sharapova - - OUT . Li Na looks good , but I don 't like her chances against the huricane that is Schiavone , looking to win back to back French Opens . On the men 's side , the final four are the four top seeded players in tennis - - that doesn 't happen too often - - especially at the French which is thought of as a more specialty surface . Some of the lower overall seeds are much better on clay , and therefore usually knock out the higher seeds . But not this year . [ They actually used a new type of tennis ball this year which bounces better and that may account for part of the difference - - who knew tennis was so intriguingly complex . ] Andy Murray is not 100 % ( weird ankle strain ) and has struggled so far . Amazingly he was down two sets against Troicki , and came back against amazing odds to even it up and then they stopped for darkness and he had a real fight on his hands to win that final set . I had never even heard of Troicki before . Tomorrow Murray will face my baby Rafa Nadal ( also not 100 % ) . Rafa had an amazingly difficult first round match against John Isner and he was almost eliminated . It went five sets and when he won , he celebrated as though he had won the whole thing - - that 's how close it was . Whereas , Roger Fedderer has not dropped a set . He 's in fine form , though a little worn around the edges . He beat Monfils in straight sets , but he didn 't look all that composed doing it . [ OH , Monfils - - his match against Ferrer was amazing and astounding and I forgot all the other wonderful expressive words that I 'm learning from the Tennis channel ( their commentators are not very good , but they do mix up those impressive , expressive words ) . I knew that David Ferrer would not be an easy match for anyone and I knew that Monfils had the chops , but what an awesome athlete . ] Roger will face Noli tomorrow . Novak Djokovic has done something this year that we haven 't seen in some time . He has not lost a match all year ( he won the Australian Open ) . He 's only lost one set so far and that was against Juan Martin Del Potro , who two years ago was in the finals . Del Po is no slouch and that should have been a much tougher match for Djokovic , but he really made it look easy . And he beat Gasquet ( another very fine player who should have given him trouble ) without breaking a sweat . He is looking unbeatable . I don 't think Roger stands a chance and I 'm kind of worried about my Rafa Nadal as well . Murray has yet to win a major and he certainly has the skills . Roger is Roger , so he certainly has to be a real posibility . Nadal is going for a record fifth French open title . He 's only lost ONE match at the French in his entire career ( against Soderling two years ago - - yesterday he wiped the floor with Soderling - - it was nice to see Soderling lose so completely - - ok , he rallied in the third set , but Rafa kicked some Soderling behind . ) . And then there is Noli Djokovic . He has the calm presence and confidence of a man who is playing the best tennis of his career right now . He 's 100 % healthy and his skills are top notch . I hate to say it , but I think he can take Nadal this year . I 'll be in Australia for the men 's finals . Wish me luck in finding tv coverage . Otherwise , I 'll be in a coffee shop trying to get a radio feed on my computer over the internet . Pauvre me .
|
Samantha - Dwayne It didn 't take long for Samantha to talk herself into seriously considering applying to military academies , at least the Air Force and Naval Academies . After researching both schools , she decided to go ahead with the applications . She had already given Renee an indication of her thinking . Now she wanted to inform Dwayne . I had been wrapped up in my research for a few days , and I hadn 't noticed I 'd only seen Dwayne in the classes we shared . Once I made my decision , I looked for him at lunch . He wasn 't in the lunchroom , which struck me as odd . When I finished my lunch , I had time so I checked out the front lawn . Dwayne and Renee were sitting on the grass under one of the trees . They didn 't notice me until I walked up and said , " Hi , you two . I missed you at lunch today . " They both snapped their heads around as if I had startled them . Then they scrambled to their feet . Dwayne kept his eyes on the ground as he said , " Um . Hi , we were just felt like enjoying the nice weather … " He trailed off for a moment . Then he added , " We haven 't seen much of you since the meeting with Ashworth . " He still hadn 't looked me in the eye . Renee looked at her watch . " Hey , you 'll have to excuse me . I need to go in . … See you later . " She Hurried off before I could even say , " Later . " He glanced at his watch . " You Know what ? I need to get inside too . Talk to you later . " He turned around and walked away . He hadn 't yet looked me in the eye . I reached for his sleeve but stopped without touching him . I didn 't like the feeling I was getting . They were both obviously avoiding me , but why ? Renee had been my best friend for the past three years , and this wasn 't like her . I stood there feeling numb . When I heard the class change bell , I shook my head and hurried inside . After school I made a point of finding Dwayne on his way out . I had no trouble catching up with him , but he still was unwilling to look at me . I got in front of him and forced him to stop . " Dwayne , please … tell me what 's going on . " He hung his head , another bad sign . I lifted his chin up . He spoke in a monotone . " Let 's get out of traffic so we can have some privacy . " I wondered why we needed privacy , but I followed him off the walkway to a big tree far enough away that the kids rushing out the front entrance wouldn 't hear us . As if it were an omen I heard a clap of thunder , and when I looked up I could see threatening looking clouds towering in the west . I stopped and turned to face him . " Alright , we have privacy . Spill . " He started to hang his head again , but he stopped and looked me in the eye . " Remember when we first decided to play our pranks . It disturbed me that you took over without waiting to get a consensus . " " Why should I let someone else take over what I had started ? Wait a minute , you wanted to run the group ? Is that it ? " I paused . He started to object , but I pressed on . " So , it became a competition between two control freaks . You resented when I made it clear I was in charge . " " Actually , Renee resented it too . We 've been talking quite a bit since then . We both felt it should be more democratic . We came up with some good ideas , but you had to be the one who approved them . And then there was your one - sided decision to confess to Ashworth . … " " I noticed that you and Renee joined me when I went to Principal Ashworth . I told you I would try to keep you out of it . I didn 't force you . Were you unhappy with the outcome ? " At that instant something clicked . I wasn 't getting the whole story . I focused on his eyes . " Alright , what aren 't you telling me ? " " You and I didn 't really have anything going . I mean , we only had one date , the Homecoming Dance … " - Here it came - " Renee and I … We 've been spending a lot of time together , and … Well , we 've made a connection . " I gasped . That was it , and I hadn 't seen it coming . He was right ; we really weren 't dating , but this announcement felt like he was twisting a knife in my stomach . I hadn 't realized how attached to him I had become , and here he was telling me had fallen for my best friend . Tears filled my eyes and I turned away from him . I turned back to him and snarled , " You 're sorry ? You made me think we had something and then you not only … " I couldn 't continue . Tears streaming down my face , I spun around and ran . Author gordonsavage @ msn . comPosted on June 23 , 2017Leave a comment on Samantha - Dwayne Samantha - Decision Time Instead of handing out serious punishment to Samantha , Renee , and Dwayne for their pranks , Dr . Ashworth put them to work . Speaking separately to Samantha , he suggested she should consider applying for a military academy . At first appalled by the idea she began to give it some serious thought . Despite Brian losing his life to an IED when he was really not cut out for military service , I couldn 't get the idea of going to an academy out of my head . It might have been that I was flattered by Principal Ashworth saying I was leadership material . I know that service was and is important to me . My parents - mostly my dad , of course - had drilled it into me all my life . I had to take the next step , at least finding out what was involved . The internet was a big help . The service academies had reams of information on their websites . Okay , that was both a blessing and a disadvantage . Wading through all that data gave me a pretty good picture of what I might be getting into , but it also ate up a lot of my time . I spent most of my free time for several days researching both the Naval Academy and the Air Force Academy . I know , Dad was an admiral , but I looked at the Air Force because I really liked the idea of becoming a pilot , and I figured that even between the Navy and the Marine Corp , the odds of becoming a flier were better with the Air Force - after all , that was their job . When I talked to Dad about it , he surprised me by suggesting I apply to both schools to increase my chances of being accepted . The remaining question was did I really want to go to an academy . I asked Mom and Dad to sit down with me to help me decide . We met around the kitchen table . She was frowning . " You were so upset when Brian died . Are you sure you want to put yourself in the same situation ? You 'd probably end up in a combat zone . " I considered that for a second . " If I 'm going into this business , I 'll serve where I 'm needed . The risks might be lower in the Navy or the Air Force , but I wouldn 't avoid duty on the ground or flying over either country . " Mom didn 't look happy with my response . I hadn 't thought about it until then , but I realized she was concerned about losing another child , me , to war . I spoke to her fear , " Mom , my risk would be really low . Women aren 't allowed in combat . Yes , if I get to fly , I might have to fly over places where fighting is going on - search and rescue , that sort of thing . I don 't know what kind of jobs I might end up with on the ground , but they would be away from the front line . " When we adjourned , I hadn 't come to a definite decision , but I was definitely leaning toward applying for an academy , either the Navy or the Air Force . I went up to my room to think about it some more . It may seem funny , but I kept thinking that a combat role was appealing . Was it the idea that women could serve but couldn 't fight that was challenging me ? I think that was what finally made my mind up . Author gordonsavage @ msn . comPosted on June 17 , 2017Leave a comment on Samantha - Decision Time Samantha - " The Suggestion " Dr . Ashworth had surprised everyone by recognizing the courage , responsibility , and integrity the three pranksters had shown when they stepped forward and admitted their part in the pranks taking place at the school . His punishment - being a teacher 's assistant instead of having study hall - was light enough that Samantha was looking forward to it . That is , until Ashworth pulled her and her family aside . When everyone else had left , Principal Ashworth gave the three of us a quick glance and settled on Dad . " I 'll be brief . I believe that Samantha has great leadership potential , but she needs discipline . I suggest you seriously consider having her apply for one of the military academies . I 'd be more than happy to write a letter of recommendation . " Dad turned and looked at me . He raised his eyebrows as if to ask what I thought of the idea . I 'm sure he was thinking of how I had reacted to Brian 's death . Was I willing to put my life on the line if need be ? That had to be my decision , and he knew it . He looked at me . I nodded . She was a petite black girl and faster than anyone else in the state . As a sprinter she set more than one high school record . We were both on the track team . I can remember cheering her home more than once . He added , " She was not only a champion athlete . She was clearly meant for a leadership role . I recommended she try out for one of the academies . She was accepted to the Air Force Academy and is there right now . From what I hear , she 's doing quite well . I believe you have that same quality . " When he put it that way , I felt complemented , but still … The best I could say was , " Thank you , sir . I 'll have to give that serious consideration . " Mom gave me a look that said , " Really ? " " I don 't know . At first blush I was ' You 've got to be kidding , ' and I couldn 't think of any other way to answer him . Now I 'm not so sure . Maybe I should give it some thought . " I didn 't know why but the irony appealed to me . " Thank you , sir . I appreciate that . " What was I doing ? Service , was that it ? Dad had always been all about service . Had his attitude worn off on me ? I thought about it all the way home . What was I going to do ? After what had happened to Brian , I should be terrified of going into any branch of the military - Okay , maybe not the Coast Guard . No , come to think of it , they could be on the front line for drug runners and terrorists . Yeah , I know , the " It 'll never happen to me " syndrome . It 's the reason smart people do stupid things , like smoking , or drinking and driving . So , if I signed up for an academy , would I be doing a stupid thing ? She agreed , " I know . I thought detention for sure for the rest of the year and maybe a delayed graduation . Scared the bejesus out of me , I 'll tell you . " I had gone in expecting the worst , so I was resigned . But I couldn 't say that to Renee . " It was scary for sure … Guess what Principal Ashworth had to say after you left . " The silence on the other end of the line only lasted for a couple of seconds . Then " What ! " exploded from the phone . " Are you going to do it ? " " I think you 're crazy for even considering it . " She was still loud . " You 're lined up to go to MIT . With your GPA you might even get a scholarship . " " MIT 's not exactly cheap , you know . Maybe with a scholarship , but I don 't want to get saddled with a humongous student loan . " I considered that . Another reason for a military academy : I 'd get paid instead of incurring a debt . That 's not quite true . Academy graduates have a service commitment , but if you 're in to serve , it 's just part of your service . I hadn 't actually made up my mind . There were too many factors that I didn 't know about . " It 's not a done deal yet . I have to do some research before I make a final decision . … This is all going too fast for me . " " Speaking of going too fast , this evening is going too fast . I still have work to do on an English paper . I 've got to get to it . Talk to you later , and seriously , good luck with whatever you decide . " Author gordonsavage @ msn . comPosted on June 6 , 2017Leave a comment on Samantha - " The Suggestion " Samantha - The Verdict Samantha had admitted to Dr . Ashworth that she had perpetrated several of the pranks that the detective had blamed Ingrid for . She tried to take full responsibility for them and keep Renee and Dwayne out of it , but they both showed up and admitted their parts . Ashworth had Ms . Farrow call their parents . The first thing I thought of was being thankful that Dad was at work . I wondered if any of Renee 's or Dwayne 's parents were home at this time of day . I guessed we 'd find out soon enough . Principal Ashworth pointed us to the benches in the reception area . " While we 're contacting your parents , you can sit over there . " He ushered us out of his office and closed the door . We sat and looked at each other , wondering what was going to happen . I realized that he hadn 't said we couldn 't talk , but I figured it would be safer to keep it quiet . I leaned toward Dwayne and Renee and spoke as quietly as I could , " Thanks , guys . That took guts . " Dwayne retorted softly , " What you did took guts . We just figured Dr . Ashworth would worm it out of you eventually , and we 'd be better off telling him ourselves . That doesn 't look like it made a whole lot of difference to him . " He nodded toward the closed door . We sat in silence for an indefinite time . I could swear I heard to class change bells , although I know it wasn 't that long . I think we were all stewing over what type of disastrous punishment was coming our way considering that Ashworth had planned to suspend Ingrid for the rest of the semester . I had done the right thing , but it broke my heart to see tears running down Renee 's face . I wrapped my arms around her and let her bury her face in my shoulder . Finally , Ashworth opened his door and walked over to us . " Not unexpectedly , your parents were unable to get here right away . So you three have a few hours to think about what you 've done . Then you will return with your parents when they come in at 7 : 00 p . m . this evening . Now , Ms . Farrow will provide you notes for your teachers and you will rejoin your classes . " I stumbled through a clumsy explanation of what had been going on and went to my room without being told . I sat down at my desk but left the computer off . It was all I could do to keep from bawling . I realized that I had jeopardized not only my own chances at a good college but also Renee 's and Dwayne 's . Worse , I knew I had to face Dad , and that scared me more . He surprised me when he got home . He apparently talked to Mom before coming up to my room . He knocked on the closed door . " Samantha , may I come in ? " He stopped about arm 's length in front of me . Astonishingly , he wasn 't scowling . Instead , he merely looked concerned . " So you 've really gotten yourself in a fix . Contrary to the Klingon saying , ' Revenge is a dish best served cold , ' revenge is not something to serve at all . It only brings more trouble with it . I hope you can see that now . " He sat down on the bed and patted beside him . I joined him . " I 'm sorry , Daddy . I truly am … more for the trouble I got Renee and Dwayne in than for what might happen to me . " A faint smile flickered on his face . " That 's the reason I 'm not yelling at you , sweet heart . You did the right thing by admitting your fault instead of leaving Ingrid blamed with what you did , and I was especially proud to hear that you tried to take full responsibility . I 'll see if there is any way to minimize the repercussions when we meet with your principal tonight . " We suffered through dinner in silence . I had absolutely no interest in eating . I simply shoved my food around on my plate . Mom kept looking at me without saying anything . Nelson watched me too . He started to ask a question , but Mom shushed him . At last it was time to go back to school . We met the Williams and the Lindquists at the steps to the main entrance . Mr . Lindquist frowned and growled , especially when he looked at either me or Dwayne . Mrs . Williams had tears in her eyes . Mr . Williams seemed to be dealing with it unemotionally . And Mrs . Lindquist kept cringing away from her husband as he ranted . He led us to the lunchroom . I hadn 't thought of it until then , but there was nowhere near enough room for all of us in his office . To my surprise all three home room teachers were in the lunch room , and they were all smiling . Were they there to enjoy hearing our punishment ? Ashworth had the parents and teachers sit down and left the three of us standing . He took a position in front of everyone . " Ladies and Gentlemen , I have a few words to say . " He beckoned Dwayne , Renee , and me to join him . Her it comes , I thought . He cleared his throat . " These young people have presented me with a conundrum . They performed a number of shenanigans over the past month or so . A detective I hired found evidence that Ingrid Hoffman had perpetrated the bulk of them , and I made ready to exact a suitable punishment on her . While I was doing so I apologized to Miss Pederson for having accused her of one of the pranks . This afternoon Miss Pederson came to me and admitted to a number of the tricks that Miss Hoffman was purported to have engineered . " He looked around the room . " She also told me that she accepted full responsibility for those pranks . However , these two " - He pointed toward Renee and Dwayne . - " came into my office unbidden and admitted to assisting her . " Once again he paused . " Technically I have every right and perhaps an obligation to punish them severely . " He peered at me as if he was thinking in terms of fifty years to life . " But a funny thing happened . As this all came together I understood why it had all happened . I 've been a martinet and a pompous ass . " He let that soak in . My mind was spinning . What was going on here ? He continued , " The stunt Miss Pederson engineered at the football game thoroughly embarrassed me . I was so angry I would have gladly throttled the culprit . But when I faced that culprit and her laudable defense of someone who had caused her great pain and discomfort - and then her co - conspirators came to her defense , I began to realize what this was all about . I at least bore some of the responsibility for what had happened , and these three young people hadn 't done anything that really harmed anyone , not even me . I was embarrassed because of my own arrogance . " Ashworth faced the three of us . " That 's my conundrum . They did cause several disturbances , and they shouldn 't get off scot - free . On the other hand the responsibility they showed needs to be recognized . I want them on my team . Therefore , I 've established a new position for this school . The three of them will be assigned to serve as teachers assistants in place of study hall for the remainder of the school year . Miss Pederson will help Mrs . Cable , Miss Williams will help Ms . Foy , and Mr . Lindquist will help Mr . Yoshimoto . " I knew what the punishment was . We couldn 't schedule last period study hall and leave school early . But compared to what he could have done to us , it would be painless and might actually be fun . I almost smiled . Ashworth looked at our parents . " Kids will sometimes get into trouble . That 's life . You should all be proud of the responsibility and integrity your children have shown . I consider this matter closed … and please keep my admission to being a pompous ass to yourselves . " He turned to me . " Miss Pederson , could I speak to you and your parents before you leave ? I have one last - call it ' suggestion . ' " Author gordonsavage @ msn . comPosted on June 2 , 2017Leave a comment on Samantha - The Verdict Samantha - Coming Clean Of all things , the inept detective had gotten one thing right . Ingrid had painted the graffiti on the school . That relieved Samantha immensely , but it didn 't last . He had also blamed Ingrid for the other pranks , and Dr . Ashworth had accepted that as fact . The more Samantha thought about it the more it made her feel guilty , especially since Ashworth was going to suspend Ingrid . Samantha 's moral code wouldn 't let her just walk away . She informed Dwayne and Renee that she was going to take sole responsibility for the pranks she was involved with . Here I was standing across the counter from Ms . Farrow again . This time I was in real trouble . It seemed odd that she had actually smiled at me and seemed to think Principal Ashworth would be pleased to talk to me . I doubted it very much . To tell the truth I expected to be raked over the proverbial coals . My knees went weak , and sweat formed on my forehead . I wished there were something to hold onto as I walked to his door . I stopped barely outside the door and stood there paralyzed . I realized I was slouching and straightened my back . My voice seemed to be coming from someone else . " No sir , it 's something I need to take care of . " My voice speeded up as if of its own accord . I reeled of the list of pranks I had been involved with , starting with the broadcast booth incident . " Sir , Ingrid had nothing to do with those . I take full responsibility for them . … " A tear ran down my cheek . He leaned back in his chair and interlaced his fingers over his stomach . His expression was bland , almost as if he hadn 't heard me . I kept waiting for the explosion , but he sat in silence . Finally he leaned forward . " You realize that stunt with the broadcast booth was one of the most embarrassing experience I 've ever had ? " He studied me for what seemed like forever , that same bland expression on his face , and my heart kept sinking the whole time . Finally , he spoke . " Miss Pederson , you have presented me with quite a conundrum . " - I did a quick check of my mental dictionary : a complex puzzle . - " First of all , you deliberately played a malicious prank on me . Then you had the courage to come forward when someone else was blamed for it . Moreover , that person had deliberately placed the blame for a prank she did on you . And I took her planted evidence over your word . " " I see . " He frowned slightly . " In other words you thought what I had done to you warranted your actions . " He didn 't say it as a question , but he seemed to be waiting for a response . " I was angry . I had been blamed for something I hadn 't done , and my word had been doubted . Sir , I was brought up to believe that I should never tell a lie , and I don 't . " Again he frowned slightly . " For that I apologize . But there is another point . I noted that you said you take full responsibility . Some of your pranks appeared to require more than one person . Did you have help ? " There it was . Was he going to keep pressing the issue of my helpers or would it stop with my admission there were others ? Still , I wasn 't going to lie . " Sir , I 'd rather not answer that . " " Ah , but I must know your answer . Of course , the fact that you don 't want to answer clearly implies you 're protecting someone else . " His eyes bored into me . Principal Ashworth and I both looked at the door . Dwayne came through first , and Renee followed . Dwayne stopped on my right , and Renee stopped on my left . They both stood at a rigid attention . Dwayne was first to speak . " Sir , Samantha didn 't do all of the practical jokes she 's admitting to by herself . We helped . " I could have kissed him . Author gordonsavage @ msn . comPosted on May 23 , 2017Leave a comment on Samantha - Coming Clean Samantha - Dilemma Samantha had told Dr . Ashworth that his detective was not only inept but was actually encouraging pranks because the pranksters were treating him as a challenge . Instead of blowing a fuse , Ashworth seemed to like the information . It gave him an excuse to fire a buffoon who obviously wasn 't getting the job done . She was hoping that was the end of it when Ashworth pulled her aside after class . I hoped my sudden anxiety didn 't show . I was afraid any reason Principal Ashworth might have for wanting to talk to me wasn 't going to be favorable . I joined him out of the flow of students rushing to their lockers . " Yes , sir ? " " I want to thank you again for informing me of Mr . LeClerc 's unintended influence on the tomfoolery going on around the school . " He looked around as if to make sure no one was in hearing distance . " When I approached him to let him go , he had prepared a final report . He had identified the kingpin who was responsible for starting this nonsense . " He didn 't seem to notice me holding back . " Ingrid Hoffman , " he continued , " According to what LeClerc heard students saying early in his investigation , Miss Hoffman painted the graffiti on the front of the building and followed up with several other practical jokes before I hired a private detective . " He paused . " It appears I owe you an apology . I trusted Miss Hoffman when she accused you of spreading rumors about Mrs . Finch and Mr . Browning and was biased to believe her accusation that you had done the graffiti . " So she was the one . I shook my head . " I don 't know . Wanting her to be harshly punished merely seems vindictive to me I guess . And that 's not me . I mean , wouldn 't that make it hard for her to graduate with the rest of the class ? " He seemed to think about what I said before he said , " Well , in that case I may reconsider my position . Thank you , Miss Pederson . " He turned and walked away , leaving me standing there with my mouth open . " I don 't know . You and I both know she didn 't have anything to do with our practical jokes . " I paused . I had finally realized that Ingrid was getting blamed for what I had done , I and Renee and Dwayne . I whispered , " Oh my god . " I didn 't respond . I was too deep in thought . Principal Ashworth was going to punish Ingrid for what the three of us had done on top of what she had done . That wasn 't right , and it wasn 't fair . I had to clear her of our pranks . I mumbled , " I 've got to do something . " That hit me like a blow to the solar plexus . I couldn 't tell if she was serious , but it shocked me into thinking some more . I looked around to see if Dwayne remained in the dwindling crowd of students . I spotted him talking to a couple of the members of the basketball team . I grabbed Renee 's arm and pulled her with me . " Come . " I scanned the area to make sure no one was approaching . Then I told him what I thought the problem was . He nodded and asked , " What do you propose to do about it ? " " I 've been struggling with that . Renee " - I nodded at her - " suggested confessing . I don 't know how serious she was , but I can 't think of anything better . " He scowled . " Better than volunteering to be punished ? Letting it be comes to mind . After all , if she hadn 't framed you for the graffiti , none of this would have happened . " I had expected something like this . I pressed the point . " But that would mean letting Ingrid be punished for what we did . Would that be right ? " Renee joined the discussion . " I feel really bad about this , but if Ashworth was going to suspend Ingrid , wouldn 't he do the same thing to us ? I vote for letting it be . " I couldn 't accept that . I had one last card to play . " Look , I understand where you 're coming from , but I consider this my responsibility . I can 't let it go . Here 's what I propose : I 'll go by myself and accept full responsibility for the pranks we pulled . If he asks me who else was involved , I 'll tell him it was all my fault and no one else needs to be punished . " Author gordonsavage @ msn . comPosted on May 17 , 2017Leave a comment on Samantha - Dilemma Samantha - Convincing Ashworth The student council meeting had approved a motion to put up flyers around the school and pass them out to every student . A committee was formed to prepare the flyer and given a short fuse for getting it done . O ' Connor , as the president got the job of reporting the decision to Ashworth . Ashworth wasn 't receptive , sending the council back to the drawing board . Samantha offered another proposal . How did I let myself get roped into this ? I wondered . Actually I knew . O ' Connor had tried to get school funds to pay for the flyers the student council was supposed to put out . We could have used someone 's home printer or gotten a shop to do it , but no one wanted to cough up the money to pay for it . We all thought it was a school problem , and , therefore , the school should pay . Of course , Principal Ashworth objected . His rational was the school was short on funds , which may or may not have been true . Personally , I thought it was because he didn 't want to publicize that the school had a problem , and our flyers would invariably get out in the public . O ' Connor had tried his best to convince him , and when that failed I got elected because I had the most convincing argument . Now I was standing across the counter from Ms . Farrow . " Let me understand this , Miss Pederson . You want to talk to Dr . Ashworth about the pranks . Are you admitting to doing them ? " I didn 't say anything . I think she read my face and saw the anger there . Yes , I was responsible for some of the better shenanigans , but I wasn 't about to admit to them . I was angry because of the tendency to blame me for just about anything unfortunate that happened that year , and I still wondered if Ingrid Hoffman hadn 't started a rumor or suggested I was a trouble maker . She glared at me before walking to her desk and keying the intercom . " Miss Pederson to see you , sir . She claims to have an answer for the pranks . " There was a pause . Then I heard Ashworth 's voice in the tinny tone of the ancient intercom . He sounded weary and resigned . " Send her in , but she 'd better not be wasting my time . " He didn 't bother to get up when I came through the door . " What do you have to say , Miss Pederson ? And please make it brief . " I got straight to the point . " As you know , the practical jokes have become increasingly frequent recently . In talking to other students I 'm hearing that your inept detective is the main cause . Most everyone I know calls him Sheerluck Jones and says that the pranksters are competing by challenging him with their tricks … " " As I said , he 's inept . He 's obviously not a real cusodian , and his questions are inappropriate for a cusodian . He has to be authorized to be in the building , so you have to know he 's here and not legitimate . Ergo , you must have hired him . No one else would be interested in finding out who the jokers are and have the authority to get him in here . Besides , his secretary told us he is working for you . " " Sir , the solution is simple . Get rid of him . It 'll stop the competition . I won 't guarantee it will stop all the tricks , but it should keep them from getting out of hand and getting somebody hurt . " I almost couldn 't believe it . I swear I could see the light go on . He actually relaxed . He was silent for a moment . Then he smiled at me . I think that scared me more than being taken to the police station . " Thank you , Miss Pederson . I 'll have to seriously consider your advice . " As soon as I walked into the library , I was surrounded . " How 'd it go ? " " Did he buy it ? " " Did we get the money for the flyers ? " When we arrived , I gave a detailed briefing of what had happened . I finished with , " I don 't know how to read Principal Ashworth , but what I suggested seemed to make him happy . I suspect he was tired of throwing money away on Sheerluck . " Author gordonsavage @ msn . comPosted on May 9 , 2017Leave a comment on Samantha - Convincing Ashworth Samantha - Council Meeting The prank at the football game had been a tremendous success . It even made the TV news . Samantha had set high expectations , and she had unintentionally recruited a team for more mischief . It didn 't take them long to find out that publishing a website was out of their league , but wiring a cheap CB radio into the school public address was easy . To keep it unexpected but frequent they tuned it to channel 19 , at the time one of the most popular . The first transmission was received during second period , and others occurred sporadically during the rest of the day . By the time the public address repairman showed , it was after lunch and even the pranksters were tired of the interruptions . Other pranks included coloring the shrubbery with a water soluble red paint , spraying the corridors with fake spider webs , putting vinegar in the lunchroom drink dispenser , and other harmless monkeyshines . The police weren 't interested since no one was being hurt , but Principal Ashworth hired a private detective to find the culprits . He turned out to be as ineffective as Inspector Clouseau or Sherloque Tanney . Keeping ahead of the detective , Sheerluck Jones , became a game in itself . Unfortunately , other people joined the game and started playing pranks on their own . I could see what was coming , so I got together with Dwayne and Renee to decide what to do about it . We sat down together in the Exchange snack bar after school . I went right to the heart of the matter . " I think it 's time to get out of the prank business . " I had expected a " What ? Why ? " from either Dwayne or Renee , but they both nodded their heads . Dwayne spoke first . " This could get nasty in a hurry . Do you think a police investigation would lead to us ? " Renee laughed . " I 'm not so sure we started it . Sheerluck 's bumbling is what made it fun and got others involved … Do either of you know who started that nickname ? " Dwayne surprised us with an answer . " Locally , no , but it came from a derogatory name applied to a DC comic character … Getting back to the issue at hand , this is a student issue and needs to be handled by the Student Council . Someone who is obviously alert to the problems this can cause needs to bring it up at the next meeting . I 'm already on the council so it should be one of you . I can back you up when the discussion gets underway . " I glanced at Renee who was looking at her hands . I said , " I started this whole thing , so I guess it 's my responsibility . " Renee looked relieved . " I have one problem … I don 't lie . If they ask me what I know about what 's happening , well , I 'm not sure how to address that . " Renee blanched . Dwayne said , " I agree it should be you . You 'll have to take charge and steer the conversation - aggressively . Make sure it never gets around to what you know about it . Better yet , start off with what you know about the other pranksters but don 't tie it to anything we 've done . " I thought about that for a few seconds . " Maybe I could compare what might happen to one of our weaker attempts , say painting the shrubs . That way there wouldn 't be any obvious holes . " From what I understood the Student Council meetings were rarely attended by anyone but the council . When I walked in to the room , people were already standing along the walls . Bill Compton had a seat in the front row . When I walked by he stood up . " Looking for a seat , Sam ? You can have mine . " O ' Connor started to say something that began with an indignant " How … ? " and then stopped . He changed directions . " Does anyone here know what this important subject is ? " He looked around the room . No hands went up . He looked at the members of the council . Dwayne frowned and looked at me , but no one else responded . Then , as O ' Connor started to say something , I realized this was my turn staring me in the face . I rose to my feet . " I know what it is . " " I don 't know if you 've noticed , but the pranks are getting more dangerous . I mean hiding all the toilet paper in the girls ' locker room was annoying but no one got hurt by it . Someone deliberately blocked the doors to the gym the other day . Glenn Reiser and Andy Carpenter both hit he doors so hard when they raced out of the gym that they were woozy and had to be helped to their feet . Luckily neither was seriously injured , but they could have been . " " I 'm not arguing that , but the situation was dangerous . Someone could have been hurt . That 's what is important . Whoever blocked the door would have been more at fault than Glenn or Andy . Those doors have panic bars for a reason - so no one gets crushed if a crowd tries to get through them in a panic . " O ' Connor stood there open mouthed . I can still remember how funny he looked . Fortunately , Dwayne came to the rescue . " Walt , why don 't we get a consensus of the students in the room and see how important this is to them ? That way we 'll know how to proceed . " It was a totally new idea since there had never been a group this large at a council meeting . O ' Connor jumped on it . Before the meeting was over , the council had agreed to take action to shut down the pranks . They recruited a committee from the students in the room to create posters urging a stop to the shenanigans , and another group to urge Principal Ashworth to fire his inept PI , and finally , as the council 's most outspoken member , O ' Connor took on the task of putting together a short announcement on the public address . Author gordonsavage @ msn . comPosted on May 1 , 2017Leave a comment on Samantha - Council Meeting Samantha - Co - conspirators For those of you who are just joining this blog , it 's a character study of the protagonist , Samantha Pederson , for my next book , Antimatter ( working title ) . She tells about her life starting just before she turns 16 and follows the events that shape her personality up till her current involvement in a government organization that researches technical development for potential threats to our security . In the previous episode Samantha had pulled off an elaborate prank on Principal Ashworth , but as careful as she had been about hiding her involvement , someone had called her on it . My mind screamed , No way anyone could know what I did . Forcing a what - are - you - talking - about expression , I turned on the bench to face my accuser . " Dwayne ! " I was dumbfounded . I sat there with my mouth open . Dwayne filled the silence . " Hey , your secret 's safe with me . " He glanced at Renee . I couldn 't help myself , I looked at her too . A puzzled expression on her face , Renee asked , " What are you looking at me for ? I don 't even know what you 're talking about . What secret ? " Renee wasn 't slow , and I could see the realization dawning on her face . " You mean you … ? You set off that awful noise . But … but how ? " We all scanned the bleachers around us . No one was near enough to hear us . It was one of those years for the team , so bad the attendance was always low . I returned my gaze to Renee . I wasn 't about to acknowledge what I did , even by acquiescence unless I had her word she wouldn 't tell . He shrugged . " From what little I know of you , you 're not the type to let someone wrong you and get away with it , and it was pretty clear you thought Ashworth was deliberately after you . I have to agree with you . " " Wait . You didn 't actually know I had something to do with this ? So you tricked me into admitting … " My anger flared . If he hadn 't been out of reach , I don 't know what I would have done . He nodded . " As long as no one actually gets hurt . It looks like fun , and he 's pissed off enough people with the way he runs the school . He needs some retaliation . " Dwayne 's eyebrows rose . The police incident wasn 't common knowledge . Right then it occurred to me that our run in with the police might be why Ashworth was down on me . I had to say something to Dwayne . " It wasn 't anything . I played a prank on a couple of cops . They took us to jail to scare us . " It took me all of ten minutes to outline what I had done . Dwayne commented , " You realize this may be your crowning achievement . It 's going to be awfully hard for us to top it . " Something about that statement irritated me , but I couldn 't tell what at the time . The game should have been called at half - time . Our team was so far behind , the other team could have gone home and we still wouldn 't have caught up by the end of the game . Even the most loyal fans were streaming out of the stadium . Heck , Ashworth had gone silent . I nodded and climbed to my feet . At the same time I felt some resentment . Dwayne was taking over my revenge effort . I didn 't want to discourage him , but I wanted to make sure he knew I was in charge . Baskin - Robbins was filled when we got there , so we had to stand in line . By the time we had gotten our ice cream , a table had cleared out , so Renee and I grabbed it and left Dwayne to pay for our orders . Renee took a window seat and I took the outside seat opposite her to see what Dwayne would do . He took the window seat next to me . I nodded . " ' Fraid so … however , we could always start a new website and post unflattering stuff there . I bet we could get a domain name that people would check out because it looks so much like the school 's . " I considered for a second . " I tell you what , Renee . Why don 't you research the ramifications ? I want to cause Ashworth discomfort , not get him in legal trouble . " I glanced at Dwayne . I had managed to take control of the group , and he didn 't seem to mind . I didn 't realize at the time I had driven a wedge between us . Author gordonsavage @ msn . comPosted on April 26 , 2017Leave a comment on Samantha - Co - conspirators Samantha - The Joke The scare she had gotten , along with her counselor 's questions , had Samantha thinking about backing out of her plan to play practical jokes on Ashworth . Was it worth the risk ? Did he really deserve it ? On the other hand would it do him any harm ? She finally decided to go ahead with the plan but to be ready to pull out at the slightest hint she might be caught . Saturday morning I got up early . I had already told everyone I was going for a fifteen mile run and I was going to get an early start . Donning my running gear , I made my way down stairs as quietly as I could . Not that I was being secretive - well , maybe a little , but I didn 't want to wake anyone . I stopped in the garage to work on the clock radio . It was a quick operation . To verify that the alarm would go off when it was supposed to , I tuned to a local country station and set the alarm for two minutes . That worked , so I set the alarm for when I knew Principal Ashworth would be at the microphone . Checking that the clock was set to the correct time , I pulled the radio 's plug and waited impatiently for five minutes before plugging it back in . The radio 's time matched my watch to the second . I got a shock when I heard Mom coming down the stairs . She said , " Have a good run . I 'll fix you breakfast when you get home . When will that be ? " I swallowed hard to get rid of the shakiness in my voice . " It 's fifteen miles , and I 'll be taking it easy . Probably around two hours . I 'll call if I 'm going to be later than that . " The run to school was easy . As usual the back gate to the football field was open . I took a lap around the track , primarily to see if anyone else was there . I didn 't expect to see anyone at this hour , but I wanted to be sure . It was all clear , so I made my way around to the back of the stands and entered the bleachers through a tunnel . I jogged up the stairs to the broadcast booth . Doing some simple stretching as cover , I made another check for possible observers . This check was critical , and I was as thorough as I could be . I still saw no one . Taking a last look , I unlocked the booth and slipped inside . It only took a few minutes to set the radio up . I connected it to the amplifier with the audio cord I had attached to the speaker terminals on the circuit board , turned off the mute switch for the input channel I was using , and adjusted the volume slide to match the slide for the microphone . Finally , since the radio would only buzz if it was on battery power , I plugged it into the socket behind the amplifier . Crawling out from under the announcer 's counter , I heard a voice . A chill ran down my back , freezing me in place . The sound was coming from the field . I eased up until I could see the track out the window . A couple , obviously not high school students , was trotting around the track , jabbering away at each other as they ran . When they started their second lap , I knew I had a problem . How long would they stay around ? Would someone else come before they left ? I didn 't recognize either of them , so they probably wouldn 't recognize me . Deciding I couldn 't afford to wait , I slipped out of the booth and locked it . When the runners had their backs to the tunnel , I flipped my hood up and trotted down the stairs , keeping a wary eye on them . I ducked into the tunnel , and the stands gave me cover all the way to the south end of the stadium . I waited for the couple to pass the end of the stands on their next lap . Then I slipped around to the front . They weren 't looking back , so I ran for all I was worth onto the field and out the back gate , keeping the back of my hood toward them . I was three blocks away before I could glance back and relax . The kickoff for the football game was at 2 : 05 PM , but I was there half an hour early to be sure I could see Principal Ashworth when he came out of the booth . Renee came in just before the game started , and when I waved at her , she joined me . " I didn 't know you were a football fan , " she said as she sat down beside me . The game was a disaster from the start . Our team got the ball first . Bill Compton was sharp as the quarterback , but the receivers dropped his passes and the runners seemed to mostly hit brick walls . They had only made twenty yards before they had to punt , and fifteen of those were from a penalty . Mike Clemens , the punter , got off a terrific kick , and Lamar Stevens downed the ball at the two yard line . Then all hell broke loose . Principal Ashworth was just celebrating the play , when the radio alarm went off . A country song blared from the speakers . It was so loud it distorted into something incomprehensible , and people were slapping their hands over their ears . Apparently Principal Ashworth didn 't know about the mute switches on the amplifier because the music dropped to a still - distorted but tolerable level and everyone could hear him swearing . He turned out to know some pretty colorful phrases to use when he was angry . Parents who had been holding their own ears started holding their children 's ears . With a final burst of profanity the noise abruptly cut off , all of it . A little later the sound system came back on , and a subdued Principal Ashworth spoke . " Ladies and gentlemen , I must apologize for what happened , especially my outburst . It was unprofessional and I sincerely apologize . Someone rigged a radio into the sound system and set it off with a timer . We 'll find out who is responsible for this prank and make sure they are duly reprimanded . … Officials , you may resume the game . "
|
I wanted to shake up my life and go sailing ( or learn on the job , so - to - speak ) so headed to Florida to crew on a catamaran . This is about how it went or , rather , didn 't - and my life since . Hopefully it will lead to a catamaran on the clear aqua blue waters of the Caribbean Sea , watching the sunset , a coconut rum and coke in hand . You must START AT THE BEGINNING of the blog , April 2009 , to get the whole story . . . I made it over from the Island to the mainland . I got a call from the Production Manager ( PM ) from the new show and she said that transport would contact me soon . Not long after , a nice guy called Dean rang me up and said they would be sending someone over from that side to bring me back . That was a huge relief but I felt bad about the cost and time it would be for someone to do that . At lunch the next day , the EPK ( Electronic Press Kit ) crew were there and I sat with them as Lynn McNamara is a good friend . It turns out that they were heading back the next day - the day I needed to go back . So I arranged to get a ride with their sound guy . I called Dean back and told him that I just needed a ride from the ferry to my rental car . He said , ' no problem ' and that was that . I lost sleep over trying to figure out how it was all going to work out a few nights previous , but now here it was all sorted out . I need to practice what I preach to my kids : Worry changes nothing but your health and more than half the time it all works out . Jack , the producer of the show I am on , isn 't happy at all that I am leaving early . I understand how he is feeling . I wouldn 't be happy either if the person who is supposed to make sure that the continuity of the whole show isn 't going to stick around for the last three days . The PM explains to him that it is more work for me and they like to keep their people busy if they can . I find out later that he went to the head of the company and complained . I feel badly when I hear it . I really like Jack and hate letting him down like this . It isn 't what I want to do . It was all arranged behind the scenes and I kind of just went along with it as it does mean a lot more days of work for me . But I hate leaving things unfinished . When Laura shows up on Friday afternoon to see what is going on on set , Jack seems somewhat mollified as she has worked for him before and he likes her . That makes me feel better . I realize , as my last day on set comes to a close , that I didn 't get to say goodbye to Britt . I am saPosted by So I was talking to the makeup gal who is staying at the house here with me in Victoria . Her name is Tana and I have worked with her before but not recently . We were collapsed in the livingroom one night after work , sipping on some wine and talking shop . I told her that I would love to get into the makeup department as I did have my hair and cosmetology licenses years ago . She perked up and said I should for sure make the change over . That ' swings ' are hard to find . A swing is an assistant that can do both hair and makeup . She tells me that she would hire me . So we talk about how that would work and the upshot is that , when we both get back to the mainland , I will go over to her place and she will help me get a kit set up and then , once she is on a show where she will need to hire help with background , she will hire me and start me off that way . I am absolutely over the moon excited about this new door opening and am so grateful to Tana for this offer . I feel like my life may be taking a new turn and so it will be interesting to see what the future holds . I am still waiting to hear if my agent wants to take on my new script . I am hoping so . If both of those scripts sell , that 's another door that will be wide open . I am thinking that , once work here dies down for the winter , I will go visit Ron Oliver and we can start collaborating on our wedding movie script . Also , a good friend just bought a new home and is putting in a basement suite . She has already rented it to a young single woman but she wants a mature room mate . So I have agreed to be that room mate . So I will be moving the weekend this second show is finished . It 's going to be a crazy few weeks coming up . But if I can get through them , it will mean a bank account in the black , and the first time I have slept in my own bed in two weeks shy of a year . I just realized that the other day . A year since I have had my own place . I hope I never have another year like this one . For all the adventure , it 's been stressful as well . I am looking forward to some stabilityPosted by Week two is over . This week we shot mostly in a small village - like subdivision of Victoria called Fernwood . It was the setting for the married student housing at Harvard . The Line Producer was telling us the story of how this neighbourhood was run down and had a lot of drug dealers and other unsavoury elements to it when a woman who lived there decided to do something about it . She had attended a David Suzuki seminar and came home inspired to change her corner of the world . It started with a coffee shop and grew to a co - op that now has low income housing in two buildings and small businesses have sprung up all around to service the people there . It reminds me of a tiny version of Commercial Drive . The houses are similar , it 's a very family oriented neighbourhood , and the stores and art galleries are funky . Early in the week I receive a phone call from the Vancouver office of this company , Front Street Productions , asking about my availability for another show that will film in Langley and Vancouver . It starts the day this show ends so , unfortunately , because of the overlap of one day I won 't be able to take it . They say they want me on the show so will work something out . When I get home , there 's an email from the Line Producer saying that they want me from day one and they have arranged with this show 's Line Producer for me to leave early . My friend Laura will take over for me here . I have mixed feelings about it . On one hand , and extra three weeks of work is fabulous . On the other hand , I don 't like leaving something before it 's finished . Especially not a show . I have heard from the girls in the house here that there is another show on the island a week after this one ends so I talk to the Line Producer about joining that show . He tells me that yes , there is another one scheduled , but the details haven 't been finalized and he would hate for me to give one I have up for one that might get pushed . He 's right , of course . I have missed out on shows before because I have counted on the one that never happened . So I dePosted by The weekend went by fast . Today I show up at circus , which is in Hillside Mall parking lot . I was just there on Tuesday to try to pay my Fido bill , and so knew exactly where to go . I get there and the locations fellow tells me that circus is close to set like Calgary is close to Edmonton . Oh - oh . I ask him where catering is today and he tells me they are on set so I make my way over to where transport is loading people and see that a 7 passenger van is just leaving . I yell to the locations girl standing right by it to stop it for me but she just looks at me with a blank expression and lets them go . Fortunately , there is a 15 passenger van right behind it . It is full of extras . One rolls down the front window and asks if I am going to set . I say I am so someone opens the slider and I heft my bag inside and climb aboard . It takes a full 10 minutes to drive to set . Sheesh maneesh . When we finally arrive , I climb out of the van and drag my bag full of scripts and supplies around looking for catering . I can 't find them . I see Jill , the camera operator so ask her where catering are set up . She tells me they are at circus . I am incredulous . Really ? ? Locations are in charge of where the circus parks , where the work trucks park , where catering parks , where everyone parks . Yet one of their own doesn 't know where catering is ? Unreal . I grab a transport guy and ask if he can radio someone to send a breakfast to set for me as I don 't have time to go all the way back for it . I won 't make it back in time for a blocking if I do that . So they make the call and fifteen minutes later the on - set wardrobe gal brings me my breakfast . We are shooting a bunch of exteriors of the building where the apartment of our young couple is housed . Once we 've done those , we move inside and up the narrow staircase to two small , and I do mean small , apartments that we have taken over . We will shoot in both ; one is the entrance and bedroom the other is the kitchen , living room and a den . There are a row of shops under the apartments in this old , brick buildinPosted by It 's been a very interesting first week on the set of this show . I can 't say too much about what we are filming because I don 't want to give away the story . But I can say that the weather has been fabulous , although frustrating for our D . P . [ Director of Photography ] with clear skies and sunshine every day - they prefer cloud cover for lighting purposes . We have done a lot of the outdoor scenes and so having good weather was just what we needed . We spent two days shooting at the B . C . parliament buildings here in Victoria . We did a lot of scenes outside and then moved inside for more . The inside of the building is spectacular and was a perfect backdrop for a good portion of our interior Harvard University scenes . Most of where we shot I had seen years ago when we took our kids on a tour while on vacation . A good home - schooling opportunity . But when we filmed a scene that took place in the library , we went into an area that the public don 't get to visit . It was the library for the MLA 's [ Members of the Legislative Assembly ] and it is nothing short of breathtaking . The hall where you enter is a small rotunda and the walls , floor and pillars are made entirely of Italian marble . There are four balconies with velvet draped windows high above and two large rooms lead off of each side of the hall . One contains all of the files for the Dewey Decimal System cards that they still use . The other room contained a few shelves of ancient volumes and had a fireplace with chairs and a long , lamp lit table to read at . Both rooms were clad entirely in rich , dark wood paneling that had 3D carvings in a lighter wood of swags of fruit and flowers indigenous to B . C . hanging across the fireplace mantle and down pillars throughout the room . The books are all housed on the second floor , which we did not get to go see but could be seen through the windows in the hall just under the ceiling of the rotunda . The role the Dean of Harvard , was played by Kim Zimmer who is a long time cast member of Guiding Light , a soap opera . She was delightful andPosted by I went to sleep to the sound of waves again . On my iPod . I wake to the sound of someone knocking on the door and I hear a woman 's voice say , " Ladies ? " I look at the clock ; 3 : 54 a . m . WHO could be at the door at this hour ? I get up and look over the rail down to the entrance hall . The front door has tinted glass and I can see outside . No one is there . I get back into bed and am thinking I dreamed it when I hear it again . Knock , knock , knock - " Ladies ? " . I call out , " Yes ? " but no one replies . I roll over and try to go back to sleep . I can now hear the women downstairs talking and moving about . I need ear plugs . I don 't have to be up for over an hour yet . It 's not going to matter much now but by the end of the week I will be needing every second I can get . I must drop off because my alarm wakes me at 5 a . m . I roll onto the floor and then stand up . Not as easy as it sounds with my bum knee and bad back . I need a BED ! I am out of the door by 6 a . m . , map in hand . I find my way to set without a problem ; it takes about 20 minutes to get to Sidney , where we are shooting all day today . I park my car in a huge field with the other crew cars , and walk to the catering truck for a scoop - full of scrambled eggs and some orange juice . I want to be really good about what I eat on this show . There 's always so much food between catering and craft service , and I end up gaining weight . But I really want to lose weight so my resolve is strong . At the moment . I heft my bag into a 15 passenger van and climb in the back beside Jill , the ' A ' camera operator . I have worked with her before so we chat a bit about how dismal this past year has been for both of us insofar as working goes . We get to set , a 200 year old church just across the street from Brentwood Bay , in less than five minutes . It is surrounded by a graveyard on three sides . It is very picturesque . We are starting out inside , in a room off the tiny main sanctuary . This scene is before the wedding of two very young people . The bride is with her friend getting ready and both mothers wPosted by I can 't figure out how to work the space age looking clock in my room so I set my cell phone for 3 : 45 a . m . and turn out the light . I fall right off to sleep . The bed is SO comfy . But I wake up with a start and panic , thinking I slept in . I look at the clock and it 's 12 : 30 a . m . I fall back on the pillow in relief and drop back into unconsciousness . I then repeat this process hourly until 3 : 30 a . m . when I give up and get up . I put on make - up , fix my hair and pack up the rest of my bits . I try to be quiet but Debbie hears me once I am up on the main floor and gets up . At 4 : 20 I still haven 't heard from John . He was to call me when he was leaving his house and he said it takes 15 to 20 minutes to get to mine . So I call him and he says he is on his way and was just picking up his cell phone to call . I give him ten minutes and then drag all of my stuff to the curb and wait in the dark for him to come . He arrives about 5 minutes later and we load all of my stuff and drive off . He 's an older guy and really nice . A gentle sort of soul . We talk about work , or the lack thereof , in the past year . He has worked for this production company for many years . This is my first show with them . We make really good time to the ferry , and as we get close , the sign over the road says that our sailing is at 62 % capacity . It 's just after 5 when we pull up to the ticket booth . We park in our designated lane . There 's hardly any vehicles waiting so that 62 % must be mostly reserved . John goes inside the terminal to find a coffee and I put my seat back and close my eyes . My back has been really hurting these past couple of days and I try to get comfortable but it isn 't happening . John comes back before too long and we sit and wait as the sky lightens as the sun comes up . It 's full daylight by the time the ferry starts to load . We get parked on the top level and so just have to walk up one flight of steps to the restaurant deck . John goes off in one direction and I go line up for the cafeteria . A guy falls into line right behind me and he is on his cell phone . He has a great Scottish accent . He is done with his call just as the ferry begins to pull out of the slip and he makes a comment about how quckly we seem to be getting underway . I turn and agree , and then comment on his accent . We strike up a conversation that lasts right up until the line starts to move and we finally get to the counter . I order the waffles with strawberries and cream , as the bacon and eggs might be greasy and my stomach is still not great . His order is ready before mine and he goes off to find a seat . When mine is ready , I find a spot and eat while I people watch . There are 4 kids sitting at a table beside me and it 's evident from their conversation that they are all off to their first year at a private school . The girl is still dressed in her pajamas . I wouldn 't have dared to do that when I was kid . When I am done with the delicious waffles , I go find a seat in the lounge area . I find one beside the window and realize that we are about to head into Deception Pass . This is the best part of the trip and I pull out my camera . Just as I do , a ferry appears at the other end and I get some good shots . All too soon the announcement comes on that it 's time to return to our vehicles and I make my way down to the van . John is already there and as soon as we dock we get on our way to the production office , which is right downtown Victoria . When we get there , he has to leave right away to pick up cast at the airport so I unload my bags while he goes up to the office to get his directions . There 's nowhere to leave my luggage . . . . I don 't want to drag them all the way up the narrow stairs to the second floor where the offices are . They 're way too heavy and my back is far too fragile today . I pile them in the narrow hall leading to the steps and then go up to meet the production staff . I meet Miles right away and he is as nice and affable in person as he sounded in all of his emails to me . I meet his assistants and then the Wardrobe Designer walks out of the back . I haven 't seen Carmen since we worked together on The Collector , over 5 years ago . But we recognize each other and hug , exclaiming how great it is to see each other and how good the other looks . She truly does look amazing . I love her hair ; a mass of barely contained wild curls . She has to get right back to work so she goes off and I go into Miles ' office . We go over some details about my paperwork that he should have ordered by now but hasn 't . And then I go to the copier to make copies of the stuff they aren 't going to order from the printer on NCR paper . Once that is done , I get two new scripts and go off into a corner to set up my binder . That takes all of 15 minutes . Now I am done and I need to find a way to the house that the production has rented for the wardrobe dept , the make - up girls , and me . It has a hot tub and I can 't wait to get in it . Hopefully it will ease my back ache . Miles gets me a chair to wait in his office and I sit there for the next four hours and watch the utter chaos of pre - production swirl around me . He 's on the phone , on the computer , there is someone knocking on his open door every minute with all kinds of problems and questions . They say I have the toughest job on set . Maybe I do , but this guy definitely has the toughest job in the production office . I would go mental trying to do what he 's doing . Cast needs lunch . Cast needs to be taken to the Dr . 's for their medicals . The Dr . is waiting and doesn 't want to have too much time between . But the young guy who is playing the lead hasn 't arrived from the airport yet . Then Miles ' phone rings and it 's the actor wanting to know where his ride is . Miles gets on the phone and calls John . John doesn 't pick up so Miles leaves a message . Then the actor calls again and says he 's ready to take a cab . Miles tells him John is there and looking for him - even though he didn 't speak to him . He calls John again and this time he picks up . He 's waiting at the baggage carousel and so Miles tells him to go outside and look at the cab waiting area . He tells John to stay on the line until he 's found the actor . Thirty seconds later he say 's " Great . Good . Thank 's John . " and that 's another fire put out . His whole day goes like this . He turns to me after I have been there a couple of hours and says that it 's not going to be easy to get me a ride to the house . I ask about renting me a car . He gets his assistant to put a call through to the Line Producer , who is in Vancouver ( ? ! ) right at the moment , working on two upcoming shows . That is so unusual . . . one show at a time is more than enough chaos I would think . Anyhow , he 's on the line and she hands the phone to me . I tell him I need a rental car but don 't have a credit card . I ask if transport can get me one and then take it off my pay . I say it would be nice if they could cover part of it but he tells me they can 't do that . He say 's he will set it up with the head of transport . I go back into Miles office and tell him . After an hour he 's not sure it 's happening so he calls the car rental company that they are renting a few cars and trucks from , and asks for a compact for me for today . They say they will look into it and get back to them . About 20 minutes later , they call back and ask if we need two cars ? Because transport just called and asked for a compact . Miles isn 't sure if they are both for me so he tells the guy he will get right back to him and he calls the head of transport . They say that they are going to rent me the car , use it as a picture car ( in the movie ) and so their department will pay for it . I am thrilled as this just saved me $ 600 . Miles is pretty happy for me as he calls the agency back and asks them to bring it right over . Soon a guy shows up and he helps me get all of my bags into the cute ice blue Suzuki SX4 . I need to take him back to the car lot so he gets in and drives there so that I can get my bearings to find my way back . When we get there , I go inside to inquire about a GPS unit . I don 't know Victoria well and the thoughts of having to find my way to a different location every morning freaks me out a little . I can 't be late . But the GPS is $ 12 a day so over $ 200 for three weeks . I could buy one cheaper , if I had the cash . I don 't have the cash so I will have to use a map . They root through a drawer and give me a map of Victoria , and not a cheapie tourist one but a real map . I thank them profusely and leave . I head back to the production office and go in to find who has the address and keys for the house . The office assistant has a map already printed out for me and there 's a lock box on the house and the code to it is on the top of the map . So I am good to go . I drive to the house ; the road turns into a highway and I watch for my cut off - Royal Oak Avenue . I find it and take the exit . Right at the corner is a small outdoor plaza with a grocery store , a liquor store and several other small shops . I make a mental note of it so that I can come back and get some food supplies . As I follow the map , the directions lead me into a very upscale neighbourhood with narrow streets lined with tall oaks and huge homes . I finally find my street and slowly make my way up the hill , looking for the address . I find it and pull down a steep short drive paved with red stones , and park . The house is grey and modern ; very 80 's . I get out , punch the numbers into the pad , and take out the key . I unlock the double maroon colored doors and step inside to a cool grey interior where every level surface is either tile or laminate . Directly opposite me is a wall of windows with a view to die for . The water far below , and not a quarter mile in the distance , is Haro Straight and I can see San Juan Island and Mt . Baker in the distance . No one is home so I walk around and get my bearings . There 's three or four steps down to the main floor off of the entrance and the open concept plan contains the kitchen to the right , the dining room straight ahead , and the living room to the left . Through a door off the kitchen is a 2 pc bathroom and the laundry room . Down the curving open stairs are two bedrooms , one containing a queen size bed . This is where the make - up girls will stay . There 's a huge bathroom off to the side in two rooms . One holds the bath / shower and sink , the other the toilet . On the other end of the floor is another bedroom that has two twin beds . This is where the wardrobe assistants are staying . Between the two rooms is a small TV room with a couch that pulls out into a bed . Upstairs is a large master bedroom with a queen size bed . Off of it , is an open bathroom ( no door ) with a large sunken jacuzzi tub and a huge walk - in shower . This is Carmen 's room and her stuff is all over the bedroom . At the other end of the floor , across a breezway that looks over the dining room , is a den with a TV and built - in bench seating . This is to be my room but there 's no bed . Carmen had mentioned that I would be sleeping on the pull out couch but that we would probably want to move it into this room as the other room downstairs will have people going through it all of the time . I look outside for the hot tub but there doesn 't seem to be one anywhere . Hmmm . I am disappointed as I was really looking forward to that . I look around the house for a cupboard with some bedding but can 't find any . I go downstairs and pull out the bed on the couch to see if it 's already made up , but it isn 't . There 's just a mattress protector on it . Ok . So this is not going to work . I call the office and ask to speak to Miles ' assistant , as there 's no way I want to bother him with this after seeing what he goes through all day long . I tell her the situation . " Oh no ! " , she says , " There 's no bedding anywhere ? " " Not that I can find . " I tell her . " And , at my age , I am not spending three weeks on a pull out couch . That mattress is about 2 " thick . " She tells me that she will see what she can do and get back to me . Meanwhile I go back upstairs to assess the situation . I pull the 4 " foam seats off of the built - in benches and lay them on the floor , side by side . I am thinking that if I take the mattress from the couch downstairs and put it on top , this could work . But I will need some bedding . She calls me back in about an hour and tells me that I can share a room in a hotel with Anya , the 3rd AD . I am not crazy about this option as I never share a room when out of town for work . My hours are long and I need privacy , quiet and sleep . But I tell her I will go for that and ask if she has checked with Anya to see if she 's ok with it . She says she hasn 't and will talk to her and get back to me . I don 't have to wait long before she calls to tell me Anya isn 't ok with that . In the interim I have gone through the house again , to try to find a cupboard that has sheets , and found one downstairs . I tell her this and that I will try to make the foam bed work . But if not , they will need to arrange something else for me . When I hang up , I realize that I really want to make it work somehow because I am looking forward to spending time with these women . I buy a few things but I have to be careful with my money . I only have $ 75 to my name and I realized on the way down to get groceries that I might need to put gas in the car before I get my first pay cheque . It 's full up now and it is a compact car that probably gets great mileage , but I don 't know how far flung the locations will be for the next week or so . I just get a few things and head back to the house . As of Thursday , all my meals will be on set , so I just need something for the next couple of days and the weekend . I get home , mark my stuff with a Sharpie , and put it in the fridge and find an empty drawer for my dry goods . I find my iPod in my bags and plug it into the small stereo in the kitchen . The sound is great and I find a playlist that is mellow and settle down with my book on the bench seat in the kitchen window . Carmen and one of her wardrobe assistants get home at about 9 : 30 . Long day . Right away Carmen asks me about my sleeping arrangements and what I want to do . I tell her that I just need help getting the mattress upstairs and so we go down and she takes it up for me with her assistant . We make up the bed and she brings me the quilt that was on her bed because she brought her own . We lay it on top of the mattress to give it more of a cushion as it is thin and I can feel the springs in there and then put the sheets on . She gives me a blanket and I found a large lap one so I am all set up . They make something to eat . I had warmed up a Weight Watchers dinner earlier so am not hungry . I sit with Carmen at the dining table and we get caught up on each others lives . She asks about my kids and I am touched that she remembers . I tell her about Ashleigh getting married and she wants to hear all about it . When I tell her it was a destination wedding , she wants to see the pictures . I tell her we can look at them tomorrow when she isn 't so tired out . We both head to bed . The young assistant stays up with the other assistant that just arrived and , as I climb into bed , they are making popcorn . Oh to be young again . Because my room is open to downstairs , loft style , I can hear everything so I pull out my iPod docking station and find the track I bought of waves hitting the shore , turn it up , turn off the light , and I am gone in less than 5 minutes . When I wake up during the night , my back is killing me . This bed is not going to work at all . By morning I am almost incapacitated . It 's 7 : 30 and the other gals have left already . I get up and make a cup of tea and have a few spoonfuls of the lemon yogurt I bought . I was hoping it would be tart , but it is sickly sweet so don 't eat much . I then head back upstairs and into the huge shower , hoping that some hot water on my back will ease the pain . An hour later , I am showered , dressed , hair and make - up on , the iPod playing David Grey downstairs , and I am at my computer finishing up my one line synopsis of the script . That done , I send it off and my day is my own . I shoot off an email to an office PA to send me a cast list so I can look them up and see who I am working with , and ask for a phone call when my supplies arrive . It 's pissing it down outside , a real West - Coast rainy day . The cloud cover is so low and gathers through the next hour that I can 't see the ocean anymore . I am hoping it gets it out of it 's system before we shoot . I hate working in the rain as does everyone else but the challenge of trying to keep my paperwork dry is such a pain . I make some pea soup out of a can for lunch and then settle back down with my book . I end up falling asleep on the bench in the kitchen and when I wake the rain has stopped and the blue sky is peeking out through the clouds . My back is driving me nuts so I go into the livingroom and lay on my back over a large ottoman with the upper half of me hanging off , trying to stretch it out . It doesn 't help , in fact it feels like my back might go out so I abandon that effort . I walk around a bit and as I stand at a counter in the dining room to look at a book about the house and the area , I see an SUV pull up on the road outside the house , back up , and then pull into the driveway . The make - up gals have arrived ! I open the door just as Tana gets to it and we laugh and hug . We haven 't seen each other in ages and I have been looking forward to this as soon as I saw she was on the crew . Her assistant is someone I haven 't worked with before , her name is Marjorie . We are all in the same age range , as is Carmen . I love it ! I help them in with the lighter of their bags . They are stunned at the house . Because this is a lower budget independent film , Tana was expecting that it would be a bit of a dive . I show them around and they are so happy . I ask if they were told it had a hot tub . Tana 's face lights up and I have to quickly tell her that it doesn 't . I explain that I was told it does but I think that the fellow was confusing a jaccuzi tub with a hot tub . Tana is ok with it as she didn 't pack a swim suit . I packed two . Oh well . She takes one look at my ' bed ' and tells me that I need to call production and get them to buy a bed for me . " Two hundred dollars , and you have a bed . They can afford that . You can 't be sleeping on the floor . " I tell her that I am going to take the pull out mattress off because I could still feel the springs all night . She tells me to call production . I tell her I will give it one more night and if I am still in pain , I will . I tell them that I just read in the book about the house that there are bikes in the garage for our use . Apparently , no one lives in this place , it 's a rental for vacationers . Kinda like the villas in the BVI . Yes , it always comes back to that place in my mind . I can 't help myself . Anyway , we go out to the garage to see , and sure enough there are two bikes there . Tana opens a large cupboard on the far wall and finds a queen sized piece of 2 " foam rolled up . Her face lights up . " Hey ! Maybe this on the bed will help you out . " she says as she pulls it down off the shelf . My poor girl . She is so sore and swollen after having all four wisdom teeth removed under general anesthetic . She is being very stoic and doesn 't complain . But when she tries to eat some of the food I have prepared for her , she often grimaces in pain . And she asks me when her next dose of Tylenol 3 and Ibuprofen is due about half an hour before it is . I picked her up and took her to the dentist office at 11 : 00 on Thursday and she was in there for an hour . While she was out for the count , I went and got her prescriptions filled for the T3 's and penicillin . When I got back to the office , it wasn 't long before they came out to reception to tell me that she was ready to go home . I went in the back where she was laying on a cot in a small room . She had her eyes closed and when the nurse spoke , she opened them and smiled at me in a dreamy way . ' That will be the last smile I see from her in a long time , ' was my thought . And it was . I get her home and into bed and then start the day - long routine of setting the oven timer for 15 minutes per side for an ice pack and then 30 minutes rest and putting the pack back in the freezer . I am up and down out of my chair all day and am wiped out by the time I go home . I also make her some jello and soup , and go to the store for some applesauce , juice , Gatoraid , and canned pears . I make sure she eats at regular intervals as the nurse said it was important for her to get some nutrition . Shonah had bought herself some popsicles in anticipation and so she has a few of those as well . Friday and Saturday I spend most of the day with her right until she goes to bed at night . Saturday , I spend the morning packing up to leave for the coast . It doesn 't take as long as I thought it would . I clean the bathroom and the kitchen and then get over to Shonah 's . We spend some time watching episodes of Friends that a friend of hers loaned her and we laugh a lot . Well , I laugh a lot . Poor Shonah holds her cheeks and chuckles carefully . My friend Brenda sends me an email on Friday to tell me that her sister Posted by Michael just got back from a week down in Washington to visit his sister who has a holiday place there . We went out for dinner because I told him I needed a stopwatch and he said he had one I could borrow . So we turned the handing it over into a date ! We went to Cactus Club and had a lovely time . And why do I need a stopwatch , you ask ? Because . . . . Yep . After an entire year of not working , I got a call to do a movie over on Vancouver Island and I got the position . So now I am deep in prep , breaking down the script ; timing it , giving each scene a page count in eighths ( so one scene may be 2 / 8 of a page , another 1 4 / 8 ) , and looking for continuity errors , general mistakes , and putting together my one - line synopsis . And hoping like crazy I haven 't forgotten how to do my job once I get into the hectic pace and atmosphere of being on set . The tenants downstairs have agreed to take care of the cat and plants and get the mail . I need to find the resident son a ride to the airport , and myself a ride to the coast . I asked my daughter if she is up to it , if she will take me and she said she would . But she gets her wisdom teeth pulled tomorrow under general anesthetic so not sure if she will be good to go by Sunday . I need to find a place to stay in Langley for two nights while I go through my suitcases of clothes I have stored there , and pull together what I need for three weeks of shooting in probably every weather but snow . There will be a few night shoots as well and it will be cold by the water so big puffy down coat will be required ! Last night , while out on previously mentioned dinner date , there was a huge electrical storm and it knocked out power just as we were seated . It came back on in short order and we had one or two brown - outs during dinner . When I got back to my place , the internet was down and still was this morning . I tried for several hours to get online . What a time to lose it when I have so many emails to send and receive to the production office about the show ! Michael had offered to let me print the script and anything else I needed on his printer . I planned to download the drivers off of the internet for the printer here but now I couldn 't get to them . So I called Michael to take him up on his offer . He had me go down to the modem and wireless router and try a bunch of stuff to get it working . He was mystified because the modem lights were indicating that the internet was coming into the house just fine . He offered to come over and fix it . . . he is an IT guy . I wasn 't eager to put him out like that but he insisted . He came over and it turned out that the router had lost the IP address , or something like that , and he had me back on line in half an hour . I offered to take him out to lunch as payment and he took me to a little Malaysian restaurant on the main street of Kelowna . I would have just walked past the place , in fact I am sure I have , many times . It was delicious . What a hidden gem of a place . My friend Donna hired me to paint her bathroom this week so I have a wallet full of cash and this meal came to $ 16 . Not bad at all . I am on the Island until September 28th . Where I will be after that , I have no idea . I am kinda getting attached to Michael and he isn 't into long distance relationships at all , and neither am I , so I am thinking about coming back up here . But I think I will do that only if Disney calls . I wrote to Lance Priebe , the guy who was in the first interview with me , and is the founder of Club Penguin . Basically I said that I was on the island until the end of the month and after that , unless I heard from them , I would be staying on the coast to find work there , that I can 't wait indefinitely for them . But that I would be willing to work as a Customer Service Rep until a position more suited to my skill set presented itself . I don 't know if it will do any good but I am hoping so . He said he wanted me working for the company so maybe this will get something going in time for when I am done the film . OR . . . if I win the lottery . . . I just found out that Agape Cottages is for sale on Tortola . This is a small B & B type of place that is run by a Christian couple and they give drastically reduced rates to missionaries , pastors and burnt out lay people . Now I could for sure get into that . I have always wanted to own a B & B ; my husband and I used to talk about running a place for that exact group of people ; and I - as you well know - want to live in the BVI at least part of the year . If I won the lottery , I would get my kids to come with me and help me run the place . Then I 'd never leave .
|
mental , and his inability to process even a minute of any of it . He 'd quickly become exasperated . Before even getting off the bus , as he 'd though the man reeked , which , Sidney was surprised to realize he didn 't . Where did he live ? Sidney wondered . In a home ? Under a bush ? offended . " No ! What a thing to think ! I don 't even know Dr . Richard Seabright . But he is a great man . " And here Keith put his hand out and took hold Why do we ? Who are you ? Is that why ? How is this ? What are you ? What is this ? This is what ? Why is that ? Can you hear me ? Did you hear that ? Do you hear that ? What is that ? That is what ? How could you ? How can we ? How can we what ? Did I hear what ? What can you hear ? Why can 't you hear it ? You can hear it , can 't you ? Hear what ? Hear who ? Where are we ? Where were we ? Why now ? Now what ? What now ? Who says ? Why can 't we ? Who says so ? Says who ? Why is that ? Can 't you hear from ? What sound ? What sound ? What sound ? That sound ? What is that sound ? Can you hear this ? What is this ? Are you okay ? Are you feeling faces ? What are they saying ? Can they speak ? Do they speak ? What do they mean ? What does this mean ? Is this too loud ? Is this ever going to stop ? Will this ever stop ? Will this end ? This is what ? Will this what ? Can I hear what ? Do you hear what ? What is what ? Why is what ? When is what ? This is this . That is so . They are here . This must end . are natural , even though I can 't remember having had them myself . But let 's allow that they 're natural . " He stirred some sugar into his coffee , and or think ' Why isn 't everyone giving me handouts ? Why are grownups such , whatever . Jerks . Why do I have to go to college , why do I have to get a job , why can 't I illusion of the ocean had filled her hearing . The ocean , or whatever it was , sounded very deep . Which of course it was , but she could hear done so it , the figure , raised its own left arm . Would it wave ? Was it polite ? Then she saw it was raising both arms , and then placing both hands over its ears . It held its hands there , and shook its head slowly . It was communicating . Then in her mind , Lauren heard a whispered tip away from her , grace wasn 't needed . And the water didn 't need to be deep . She took a deep breath and laid back in the water , like she was the grit from the mud was in her scalp . Her eyes stung , and her hair floated like lace in a breeze . Her hands stayed under her back , where they head and legs thrashed her hands did not move . The experience was very painful , and not exactly brief . It seemed to her very loud , but was in fact - Todd - turn , shocked to hear his name . The man in the gray suit approached Todd and held out his hand . " I 'm so glad you made it , " the man said . " It has been a day , my friend , and you just " We 'll see , right ? You heard me tell Todd about the snacks ? And the coffee ? You go hit that , okay ? We 'll be starting soon . " MUST END . Sidney didn 't care . He just sat and waited . He looked at his watch . When he 'd finally gotten home , how long had And so Ben stepped into a restaurant called Barney 's . He 'd awoken from his nap with no desire for food , but a need to work . The restaurant was busy with the lunch crowd , and very beige and forest green in its color scheme . All the tables were glossy wood , shiny and chipped and old with paper mats of forest green placed on top . The place appeared to specialize in sandwiches , though the table nearest him was occupied by two women , one maybe fifty and thin , and the other maybe thirty and thin , stabbing their thin forks into enormous salads . The older woman said " I can 't even today . If it wouldn 't get me fired I wouldn 't even bother with the salad . Just a row of margaritas . " The younger woman said , " Oh stop . Just let 's have lunch . Lunch is my time , or lunch is our time . I don 't want work to piss all over this , too . " Ben was nakedly staring at them when another woman , pretty and blonde and small and dressed in the colors of the restaurant , came up to him holding a menu . She smiled brightly and Ben smiled back . Before she could speak , Ben said to her , " Good afternoon , will you be my waitress today ? " Once seated , Ben ignored his menu , placing on top of it a copy of Seabright 's THIS MUST END . On top of that , he placed his hands . He waited only a few seconds , expecting a waiter or waitress to appear , but when no one did he lost patience with himself and opened THIS MUST END right in the middle , where the staples neatly divided the booklet and made it almost impossible to randomly open to any other page . Seabright had thought of this , of the casual passer - by whose eye is caught by the light blue cover and the black millipede set against the dishwater newsprint of the stack of daily papers atop which THIS MUST END was placed ( or at the bus stop or in the stall of a public bathroom or … ) . They would pick it up , and if they didn 't turn to page one , they 'd turn to the middle , as the staples dictated , and they would read : By then I thought it would never work that no one would ever listen to me . I had thought that by then if no one would listen to me then I should be dead . There are only two options I thought which were that I should die or my teachings should sweep over you all . So I took to carrying a gun around with me everywhere for whenever I thought the mood would strike me or if I saw nothing changing anywhere then I would take out the gun wherever I was at the time that I was thinking of it and I would place the barrel of the gun against my left eyeball and would pull the trigger into sunlight and shade . But then one day at night I was out walking . It was maybe 7 or 8 o ' clock . I was near Clover Square on Beaumont Street under a streetlamp next to a garbage can and a mailbox . I don 't know where I had been going but I know that I had stopped walking and was standing under the streetlamp looking down at the sidewalk . My breathing was labored and I thought I was going to die . I waited to see if I would . But then just before I could die I heard someone call my name . " Doctor Seabright ! " they called and I turned to look . It was Davis who I had met in the basement of the theater two months ago . You who are reading this will remember him . I told Davis all of my teachings that night along with all the others . And now here was Davis calling my name and running towards me through the streetlamps light . " Davis " I said " how are you doing ? " " Doctor Seabright " he said when he was standing in front of me " it is true it is all true . I am sorry and I love you . " " Why are you sorry my child ? " I asked him . " Because inside of me I made fun of you that night but then later I saw everything you said I would see . I saw it in my home and behind my eyes when I slept in my bed . I saw it coiled around the cars of our city and the buildings of our city and that which did not coil seeped into the cracks of our city . I saw the glow at night and the mist of the morning . I felt it in the grip of my hands and the beating inside " Good afternoon , sir , my name 's Todd , I 'll be your server today . " This from a young man with bristly black hair who now hovered grinning over Ben with a pad and pen . Ben slowly closed THIS MUST END and looked up at his waiter . The smile that drifted across Ben 's face was rather dreamy . Ben thought for a second . The correct words he wanted were elusive . Articulateness was a gift he possessed only sporadically . Though he could manage it , and sometimes even impress himself , the words did not always flow from him the way they did from Dr . Seabright . Dr . Seabright spoke as if language was a thing and a gift that was only his . Todd 's eyes widened a bit at the realization that the question appeared to have nothing to do with his job . But he turned his body and bent his neck so he could read the title . " ' This Must End , ' " he read aloud . " No , I don 't know it . Is that a book ? " " Well , " Todd said . " When you 're done eating , if you 'd like to leave that for me I 'll take a look at it later , I promise . Hey , have you had a chance to look at our menu yet ? " " Todd , " Ben said , sitting back in his chair . " You will take this book home with you , I feel very confident of that . But let 's say you don 't , okay ? Let 's say you leave it for the busboy , or let 's say you throw it away personally . What happens after I leave here , that 's just what happens . But whatever you do , when you go home tonight , I want you to look around you . On the bus or the subway or in the alleys . Just look around . Look down , and then look up . Open your ears to it . You will hear a rumbling . " " I 'm being direct with you , more direct than I usually am with people , and you think I 'm crazy . But when you leave , with Dr . Seabright 's book or without it , you will hear the rumbling . It 's in your head now , and you 're imagining what it might sound like , and without trying you will be listening for it , and you 'll hear it . It will sound nothing like what you hear in your head right now . Right now , you in your imagination , you hear a subway , or the shaking of a drier or washing machine . What you will hear tonight will be ferocious . Todd , imagine a volcano boiling over , puking its hot guts up over the volcano 's massive lip , and imagine it all cracking apart , and the Earth , the whole planet , shaking to pieces as these boiling guts from inside its enormous belly slosh over and down onto everything and over every living person . Imagine the collapse that would follow . I 'm saying that the last seconds of life for everybody on this planet are spent only in fire . It would be shared . Imagine the rumbling that would accompany an event such as that . Compared to what you will hear tonight , that rumbling is nothing . And you 'll have this book with you when you leave , or you won 't . I can assure you of this , Todd , that if you don 't have it you will find yourself later sitting in your apartment wondering if all the restaurant 's trash is in the dumpster , and if so , if maybe you should come back here and start digging . " It was raining quite hard . The window over Lauren 's desk looked like someone was aiming a hose at it . As far as Lauren was concerned , this figured . Currently , she was in one of her most acceptable moods , one of sardonic resignation that allowed into her existence at least a kind of jaundiced light . It was the kind of mood that drunks sometimes adopted in order to feel that their drinking problem has made them interesting , though in Lauren 's case she wasn 't fooling herself . This , too , wasn 't bad - if it wasn 't an oxymoron to fool yourself into believing you weren 't delusional , then she had that , too . In any case , it was the best mix she 'd been able to cobble together so far . It was the one that allowed her to read or focus on a TV show or cook for herself , and it was the one that did the best job of dragging her through her days at work . This wasn 't one of those days , thank God , though in the back of her mind she almost regretted that this mood , which was a hard one to maintain , should be wasted on a Saturday . But moods came and went , and were brought on , and shown the door by , signs and events and fleeting thoughts that were beyond her control . A newspaper headline might remind her that it wasn 't her apartment building that had burned down around her ears while she slept . Or something sweet , like a friendly looking dog out for a walk . The human walking the dog rarely left an impression , but the smile that some dogs ' faces just naturally fell into as their default approach to life ( seemingly , anyway ) could make her brighten just enough to berate herself for being so miserable all the time . Today was different in that her mood was a reaction to something inexplicable , objectively inexplicable , and since for all her other problems Lauren was not of a superstitious bent ( paranoid , yes , but that was different , or often was , or could usually be made to be ) she was left with nothing else to do but figuratively throw up her hands in a greeting - card - esque " That 's life ! " gesture of the kind that would lead others who were either more or less philosophical than she to remark that at least they 'd woken that morning on the right side of the grass . It had started maybe an hour or two after she 'd burned THIS MUST END in her sink . She 'd gotten the fire alarm silenced , she 'd aired out her apartment , and then , obscurely disgusted with everything around her had decided that maybe she should really leave her apartment , if only to buy a sandwich or some wine . Or go to the library , which is where people such as herself very often found themselves on Saturdays . She 'd finally shamelessly settled on this latter option , and damn the library employees who 'd become used to her presence , and whose familiarity - theirs of her , not hers of them - only managed to ratchet up her loneliness to the point where she sought out the loneliest bookshelf alleys to slowly grind her time to dust beneath her boot . But she went all the same , because there even the failure to find anything to occupy her mind could drain her day and fuzz out her mind , as long as she was persistent . So she walked the five blocks to her local branch , which wasn 't a big one , even compared to the other satellites that revolved around the actually big one downtown , and blew through the doors with the sole object of catching no one 's eye until she 'd made it to the corner of the library she 'd pegged as her destination . There was nothing specifically appealing about the spot in terms of the books found there , she was pretty sure it was biographies of some kind , but they weren 't technical manuals , and very often it was basically unpopulated . As it proved to be today . Lauren gratefully ended her beeline among the stacks , and sat on one of the metal stools people were supposed to stand on to reach the out - of - reach books . She fiddled uselessly and needlessly with her dress , which felt loose and old , but finally mustered enough discipline to scan the spines of the books for something she might read for a while , or with thick clusters of glossy photographs she could look at and imagine about . Literary biographies these appeared to be , and the realization brought out an audible sigh . She didn 't The book was too long , though , too overbearingly massive , so she closed it and moved to put it back on its shelf when she saw , in the space the biography had left , something else very thin , a book of a sort , leaning across the gap . She touched it to move it out of the way when she saw the color - a soft , welcoming blue . Now Lauren sighed , weary in the way other people become when they can 't stop dropping things and as aggravating as it becomes they must finally acknowledge the absurdity of it . She took the booklet from the shelf , replaced the biography , and turned THIS MUST END so she could see the cover , though she knew full well what it was . And it was that , but on this copy , her third , was affixed a post - it note , a pink one , on which was written : In an off - handed sort of way , she found it amusing that he 'd referred to THIS MUST END as a book . More foregrounded in her mind was her own complete lack of terror over having this eerie little book thrust on her by the same man on three separate occasions , all on the same day , using three separate methods , each one betraying a more thorough knowledge of her life and habits than the last . Yet all she felt was that , well , that 's life , and she 'd woken up on the right side of the grass , hadn 't she ? Or hadn 't she ? So she carried it home with her , and didn 't throw it in the trash or burn it or tear it up . Or eat it , as Ben had earlier suggested . Now she sat by her window while it rained and regarded THIS MUST END with a sidelong glance , before finally deciding she was doing nothing more than wasting time by just sitting there and mourning for a day being ruined by rain , a day she would have done nothing more with in any case , so she stood up and retrieved THIS MUST END and sat down with it and began to read : They come at you or they will come at you . But they will come at you . If there is anything in this book that I want to make you all understand it is that this will happen . It is what I want everyone to know in my life as I go through my life talking to others maybe in coffee shops or grocery stores or anywhere where artists meet . This is only a surface thing but if you cannot accept it or understand it anything else I want you to understand will not be accepted or will anyway not do any of you any good . I am trying to help and I am the only one who can . I first saw them seventeen years ago when I was in a field near some woods . It was the afternoon sometime and it had been raining but had stopped and I was far away from my home and I can 't remember now why I was in the field or why there was even a field there . I stood there in the wet grass just standing and I saw them standing at the tree line . There were four of them with wide bodies draped in cloth and dark angular masks with protuberances on them . I could not tell what they were masks of or even if they were meant to be masks of anything but I was drawn to them in a way that made my fingertips go numb and my heart race . I called out to them and said " Hello ! " To my surprise they all waved at me with slow arms . I began to walk towards them and I kept walking towards them and as I walked I began to realize that I knew things about them that I could not have known such as that these were just four of them and that there were many many more of them than that and that these four were here for me alone . I also knew that they had chosen me and they saw things in me that told them I could communicate to others what needed to be known . That you are now reading this book should prove to you that they were correct about me . I studied many years to hone my understanding of myself and my world and of them so that I could communicate to you properly . And I knew as I walked that this was something I would eventually need to do . As I walked through the field toward them I began to plan out my new life based entirely on my current experience at that time of seeing them by the tree line . I thought of what schools I would need to go to and what subjects I would need to study and what books I would need to keep with me at all times as some people kept bibles or travel guides or recipe books . I thought about my family and how I must be finished with them forever starting now without a word or a parting glance . I wondered if they at the tree line were so settled on having me as part of their existence that if I was less wilAfter some minutes I noticed that I had made no progress to the tree line or to them . I stopped walking and looked at them . No longer standing still one did a cartwheel while another clapped and the other two teetered back and forth in a clownish manner . Then all four teetered back and forth clownishly as though dancing in a sense to clownish music . I nodded as if in understanding though I confess I did not then understand . I wonder if even now I do . But I nodded as I say and they saw this and stopped . Then in my head I heard four voices of varying extreme pitches the dominant one screeching like a diseased and terrified old woman speaking to me at once and they said " This must end . This must end . This must end . This must end . THIS MUST END ! THIS MUST END ! THIS MUST END ! This must end . This must end . THIS MUST END ! " I smiled and I nodded and I waved to them . They waved back at me and I thought they seemed happy . All the while the voices battered my skull making me understand everything and filling it with all the knowledge there was to have . " Goodbye ! " I called to them for I knew that I would never reach the tree line and that soon they would be gone . " Goodbye ! " I said waving . " Goodbye and thank you ! You are magnificent ! Goodbye ! " I continued to call out my farewells and my thanks and my endearments as they all four at once drifted backwards into the trees all waving at me and happy that they had chosen well . She closed THIS MUST END and pushed it away , across the table . Perhaps she wanted some tea or something . Outside , the sky was trying to turn black as the rain now seemed to collapse down , as if a bladder hanging high above the city had been slit open . There was lightning , crashing for someone somewhere , but for Lauren just a series of silent , shuddering flickers - it was like sharing a room with a dying lightbulb . Looking through the rain , down one floor into the street below , she saw a broken multicolored thread of umbrellas along both sidewalks , some snapping open in a panic as she watched . The rain came off awnings in sheets and the gutters appeared to already be flooding . As the umbrellas all fled , she could see along the sidewalks under the awnings of restaurants she rarely went to even though she 'd lived in this apartment for years , and she thought about what it would be like , or what she would think , if suddenly she caught the eye of a figure draped in cloth wearing a plastic or rubber or papier maché mask of disfigurement , which is how she imagined the masks so briefly described by Dr . Seabright - worn so that the wearer might present themselves to the world as deformed , or twisted . As , she supposed , was the purpose behind any mask . She imagined the figure standing in the shadow of the blue and white - striped awning that jutted out from Lana 's Café , barely visible and somehow gigantic but still easy to miss , and staring up at her window , through the rain . There was no such figure , but she stood there looking , imagining what it would be like if there was , for a long time . And so , when she 'd woken up , and had showered and dressed and had her coffee , she went down to the park . There , the grass had been freshly shaved , and the air smelled of its clippings . Children laughed and ran all around her , and threw things , and then fell down . The parents stood around looking bemused but happy . One sensed that they would have looked appalled , had this been going on anywhere other than at the park . Lauren , on the other hand , could barely take it all in , as was often the case when she came here . The snickering children , and the things they threw , appeared to her as a series of blurred motions , like very fast bugs that she could never lay her eyes on for very long . This was due not to a problem with her eyesight but , she believed , rather with her whole self . And it was nothing to do with the fact that they were children , specifically . In truth , she didn 't know what it had to do with . She sat on a bench and began eating a granola bar she 'd brought with her for breakfast . It was dry in her mouth ; it felt almost dusty . But she finished eating it , as it was all she 'd brought with her , not just to eat , but to do : she 'd brought no book , no newspaper , no crossword puzzle , nothing to occupy her mind or hands . As a result , she was beginning to feel a little hopeless . She tried to remind herself why she 'd bothered coming to the park in the first place , since her current state of mind was one she often fell into while there , but she was unsuccessful . Then a man sat down on the bench beside her . He was in his thirties , probably in the middle somewhere , and he wore a suit , a gray one that was very neat and slick , with a plain white shirt and a soft blue tie , the kind you think you might be able to swim in . He wore glasses with thin frames , and when she looked at his eyes , which were green , from a certain angle , the distortion in the lenses was negligible . " No it doesn 't , " she said . " I like the park . Maybe I 'm just having a bad morning . But anyway , I 'm fine . Plus , how do you know ? What do you know about how I am ? " Lauren didn 't take the booklet right away , but she did look at the cover . It was a soft blue again , like Ben 's tie , but a paler shade . Written across the top , in black letters , were the words THIS MUST END . Below that , it said BY DR . RICHARD SEABRIGHT . Below that , there was a picture of a millipede . " No , " said Ben . " Just the opposite , actually , although not even related in that way . All it is , is something I think you should read . " " But it 's yours now . And anyway , after you 've read it , you can do whatever you want with it . Throw it away , burn it , tear it into a hundred strips and eat it . Once it 's been read , nothing else matters . " Ben laughed a small laugh . " Well , I don 't know that I 'd go that far , " he said . Then he stood up and stretched his back , squinting at the sun . " All right , well , I hope your day improves . I sincerely do . " At that exact moment , when the man named Ben was walking through the park 's West exit , another man named Sidney was leaving through the South exit . He 'd seen something he hadn 't liked , and it had spoiled his attempts to enjoy sitting in the sun with his newspaper spread across his outstretched legs . Although he did find that what nature there was to be found in municipal parks to be at best a ruse , and at worst a trap , he was able , most times , to push that cynicism out of his mind and appreciate the trees he sat under as trees - it was no fault of theirs , after all - and the leaves that skittered around him in the breeze , or spiraled down into his lap , as leaves . If an ambulance , or a fire engine , happened to blare past , the spell was broken , and so the spell was usually broken , as people were frequently being hurt or setting fires in this city , but Sidney nevertheless found himself drawn to the mirage of this park for his peace of mind , to whatever degree he could achieve it , as the only haven on offer . Sidney had been doing well this morning . He 'd been reading the sports page , taking a painful comfort in the various analyses of his team 's thus - far nightmare of a season , and listening to dogs barking ( the dogs themselves were part of the park 's ruse , being whisked from nature God knew how long ago , the same as the tree Sidney now sat beneath , but he still enjoyed their company ) . As he reached the end of the last column of print , he made to not so much turn the page but rather , as you do with a newspaper , swing it over , when he was stopped mid - action by seeing the thing he hadn 't liked . It was happening down the slope , at the top of which grew Sidney 's tree , at the bank of the pond . Two young males , perhaps eighteen , or nineteen , or twenty , or older , sat with their backs to Sidney , with their shoulders and heads hunched down so far that they appeared , at first glance , to be headless . But every so often , one of them would twitch , and their shaggy heads would bob into view , before lowering again to gaze at what the two of them were doing in the dirt in front of them . There was something there on the ground , Sidney could see , or rather sense . The boys were doing something , their arms grinding so powerfully into the earth that a tan dust would sometimes cloud around them , before being whipped apart by a passing breeze . Sidney could see , without quite seeing , that it wasn 't just dirt they were digging into , because the way the boys moved - fast , sometimes , their arms grabbing out - indicated that they wanted to keep something there , to not let it get away , to hold it down . And each boy , as if taking turns , would occasionally look around suddenly , scanning the park and the people in it , for someone who might try to make them stop . The boys were too far away for Sidney to hear what they were saying , if indeed they were saying anything at all . They were also too far away for Sidney to hear any other noise - those of a pained animal , for instance , or perhaps even a tortured baby ( why had he even considered something so horrible ? ) - and though he was far from the bravest man in the world , or probably even in the park , he felt a strong compulsion to stand up and march down the slope , to demand to know what they were doing , and kick them in the ribs until they stopped doing it . When the boys glanced around anxiously for unsympathetic observers , they were too stupid and myopic to think about who or what was behind them , and therefore didn 't know about Sidney . He could surprise them , bring the shock of his outrage down like an axe blade on their combined , youthful strength , causing them to split apart and scatter in panic . He stood up . He brushed at his pants , at unseen leaves and fibers , and began to walk down the slope . Just as he did so , one of the boys , the one who wore a blood - red jersey with a large white " 89 " stamped on the back , threw back his moppish head and cackled . The laugh combined two states of mind , coldness and carefree joy , that Sydney had never heard joined together in his life before . It was the kind of laugh that belonged to Nazi doctors and the kind of old , hateful men who lived in towers . Instead of turning him back , the laugh sped Sydney forward . " Hey ! " he called out , waving his rolled up newspaper noiselessly before him . " Hey ! ! You boys ! Hey you boys ! What are up to ! ? " One boy , the other one , the one wearing black , swung his head around just enough to catch Sydney in the corner of one disgruntled eye . The boy 's mouth dropped slack in bored agitation , his good time now ruined by this useless old bastard . The boy in red then scooped up something from the dirt in front of them , and then seemed to cradle it . Sydney thought again of a baby , and tried to move faster . He was closing in , because the boys hadn 't made any attempt to flee yet , but they seemed to be gearing up for it . The boy in black suddenly sprang up , turning as he did , and whipped a small rock at Sydney . It shot in at about knee level , but skimmed passed , bouncing up the slope . Sydney barely paused , but as he began to move forward he saw the boy in red , the boy who had swaddled their object of torment , cut into a sprint , one made awkward by his crossed and protective arms . This stopped Sydney . The boy was so fast . And so he stood there , defeated , completely oblivious to the second rock thrown by the second boy , which flit harmlessly by , several feet from his head . What did catch his eye was that same boy tearing off after his friend , arms swinging free . He watched them go . All he could think to do , after a moment , was take a few steps farther down to where the boys had been , sitting in the dust . There , just in front of where their legs would have been crossed , the dirt was whipped into mud by splashes of red and bits of something else , something pink . Ben walked home . On his way , he dropped copies of THIS MUST END into a mailbox , on the stoop of a delicatessen , slipped one under the windshield wiper of a Ford Taurus , threw one underhand over the wrought - iron gates of a shambling , crusted over cemetery , bent down and handed one , along with five dollars , to a homeless man who simply nodded continuously through the encounter as though he perfectly understood everything Ben was leaving unspoken , let one , two , three copies fall idly behind him on the sidewalk as he went along , placed another on the wooden bench in the dressing room of a men 's clothier , left another underneath a stack of amusement park coupons inside a bank , another slipped into the middle of a tight and untouched wedge of the city 's free alternative newspaper , another in a baby carriage , the wide - eyed baby pumping its arms , while the unseeing mother tried to understand what her phone was doing , another on one of several of an outdoor café 's glass - top tables that were about to be bussed , another to a man standing on a corner , patting his pockets , his hand rising to take the booklet because he didn 't know what else to do , another he tacked to a corkboard inside a rec center , another he dropped down a sewer , because who knew what might come of that , and several more were slipped between random books in the fiction , history , computer , humor , photography , biography , sports , puzzles and games , sexuality , social studies , and children 's sections of the bookstore near his apartment . With that done he felt he could call it a morning , and he went home to eat , nap , and then get up and start again . Lauren sat in her kitchen . She 'd left the park shortly after the man named Ben took his leave from her , unsure why she 'd been there in the first place , and even less clear about what she was supposed to do with her time now . As she left the gates of the park , she had to pause so a man and a woman , with their two children , a girl and a boy , could pass by . The little boy held a long toy boat , as tenderly as if it had been a lamb , stretched across both of his skinny arms . The girl had various inflatable toys , bright yellow and clear - colored , surrounding her arms and her waist . The parents were both draped with towels . She now sat in her kitchen . On the table before her was a copy of THIS MUST END by Dr . Richard Seabright . It had been taped to the middle of her front door , like a Chinese restaurant flier , while its light blue color put her in mind of notices her parents used to receive from the neighborhood pool . That tar - black millipede in the center , however , made her think of something scrawled with coal on the inside of cave , as a warning to others . Lauren didn 't think too hard about how it had ended up on her door . Ben had put it there , obviously - he knew where she lived , had known before approaching her in the park . Had he left it on her door before finding her on the bench , or had he somehow beaten her here , and did it matter ? Of course it did , because if he 'd done the latter , then he could still be lurking around her building somewhere . Crouched behind a dumpster , or sitting in the lobby with his face behind a newspaper . But to what end ? To see if he could make sure she read the damn thing ? How could he possibly do that ? Or to see what would happen to her once she had ? She rose from the table , leaving the booklet unopened . Maybe she should call someone . Her mind was being uncooperative today , or rather it was being uncooperative again ; it would not let her outside herself , and she sometimes found in that situation that it helped to speak to someone she knew well . She began counting in her mind how many people who could be described as such still existed . It was a small number . Quickly , but confused by her own sudden intensity , she grabbed up THIS MUST END and took it to the sink . She dug a plastic lighter out from one of the drawers , flicked it , and held an unwavering length of flame to one corner of the pamphlet . The blue of the cover deepened rapidly to black , and the whole thing began to wither in upon itself . When half of it was smoke and ash , she dropped the rest into the sink , watched more of it disappear , and then ran the tap over the whole mess . As she did , the smoke spread out over her ceiling , and her fire alarm began to riot . Sidney sat on a bus , hands clenched into knots across his stomach . Around him was the odor of food , something ethnic , but not Chinese . Something that had been slightly burned on purpose . When he 'd gotten on the bus , he 'd seen no one eating anything . He was strangely curious about this , but didn 't want to be caught looking at anybody , for fear they 'd be crazy , or conclude that he was . And so now he was staring at the shoes of the woman across from him . They were sneakers , and he couldn 't help but hear her conversation with the man beside her . He didn 't know what either of them looked like above the ankles , but he thought she might be averagely pretty , and he might be handsome in the way that some men were , where you could tell that not so long ago he 'd been much handsomer . This Sidney imagined from their voices , and he felt obscurely guilty about it . " No , because , yes it is , " she interrupted . " No , just listen . He said - I said to him ' Douglas , this is our home . You can 't show up to our home , where we are having guests , and - " " So we told him ! We told him that he can 't behave like that , and I think we made it pretty clear . But you want to , it has to be a scorched earth thing with you . You want to be done with him completely , just for … and not even for anything you even really disapprove of ! " " Oh , I do , " she said . Sidney thought she was probably shaking her head here , for emphasis . " Oh , I do . You can 't say that . " " No , I know , yes . But it 's that thing of like , I know when there 's a place for it . The place for it is not our home , and the time , also , is not when there 're complete outsiders around . " The bus rolled over a massive divot in the road , and the whole awkward mass of it juddered madly , shaking passengers against their neighbors , and nobody blinked ; they just waited for the energy of the jolt to pass through them , and away . But Sidney had heard a rattle the instant after the bus was jarred , a rattle on the black , ridged , no - slip floor . Since his eyes were already cast down , he idly began to scan around , looking for the source . " So why does that matter ? You keep making up new rules about this ! No wonder Douglas did what he did . As far as he knows , that 's how you want to run things this week . You can never tell from one day to the next . " " Okay , but I don 't care . What 'll they do if they hear ? Tell everyone those people on the bus are … whatever . And anyway , this isn 't even the whole story ! I 'm mad at Douglas because of the way he talked to me , and then he had the nerve to be all pissed when I threw it back on him ! " " What was so bad about what he said ? And I 'm not , wait don 't get mad . I 'm not even arguing here . I keep hearing versions of this , but I was in the other room , so I just want to get it clear for once . " It was a tooth . Sidney squinted at it , and folded his body forward . It was a tooth , loose and white and sliding along the floor of the cross - town bus . " He said , well first I said , ' Douglas , you can 't bring that into our home . We have to work this stuff out beforehand , you can 't just show up like this , without saying anything . ' And so he said , ' Well , but now was the only time . You know , I had her here , I had her with me and I can 't pick and choose when that 's going to happen . ' I said , ' Okay , but don 't involve us unless we give you the clear - all , er , the clear ahead , the go on , for it . You know , it 's our house , we have guests , whatever . ' But I was polite ! So then he says , ' Jennifer , I don 't even think you get a say here . This is Russ and my 's thing mainly , and we 're going to do this whether you want to or not . We 'll go upstairs , and you can serve cookies to your guests . You 're just here because you 're Russ 's wife . ' " " Oh , Christ , " said the man , Russ . " Jennifer , you have to tell me all this stuff at the time it happens . Or even just after , but you have to be clear . The way you talked about it , I thought maybe he just called you a name or something . He has no place saying that shit to you . I can see now why you 're right . " " But I was so pissed . And I didn 't want to be like ' Douglas just said I was just your wife , go tell him I 'm not ! ' You know , I have to stand up to him . " The tooth kept skittering , and then the bus hit another bump , and there was more rattling , and Sidney looked to his right , and saw more teeth - three more - hop off the floor , like they were frying in a skillet , and dance off in different directions as the bus rumbled over a patch of old road . Feeling deeply cold , Sidney then looked to his right , and saw more , some teeth lodged in the rubber ridges of the floor , others nearly lost in the shadows under the seats . Most were being carried by momentum towards the front , to the driver , and the handicapped seats , and the old people . Sidney counted maybe ten teeth altogether . " Well , I 'm sorry , " said Russ . " I didn 't know he 'd said that . I wish you 'd told me , but that 's inexcusable that he said that . " He paused . " I 'll talk to him . But don 't , let 's not start that argument again now . I have to let this sink in now . Can you let me talk to him ? You don 't have to , but I do . He 's my best friend . I 'm on your side on this now , now that I know , but I have to talk to him . " Sidney sat back in his seat , and breathed in deeply - this was essentially a gasp , more than a deep breath , and there was a catch to it at the finish , so in the end it sounded like a loud hiccup . He now was able to look the couple in the face . They were young , maybe late twenties . His hair was cut very short , and it spiked up on top . He was tan , and wore a red button - up shirt that was so bright it seemed like an announcement of some kind . She was lovely , in an earthy sort of way - black hair , deeply black , and thick , the kind of hair you gathered up in handfuls .
|
The first house we lived in when I was a kid was a little brick rental on the 125th block of Fremont Avenue . The houses across the street from us backed up to the power lines which backed up to a large cemetery , where I learned how to fall off my bike while riding downhill . On my birthday . I also got a Chrissy doll that birthday , the doll with the hair that " grew " by pulling it out of the top of her head . I remember sitting at the kitchen table holding my new doll between my knees , pulling her hair out and pressing the button to wind it back inside the hole on the top of her head with one hand and holding a washcloth full of ice against the road rash on my lips and chin with the other . We had a mix of families with school - age children and older couples in the neighborhood . My brother Ken hung out with Chris and Jay and I played with Kirsten and Jay 's little brother Rich until Kirsten moved away . Rich and I still played together although sometimes he got tired of me and hung out with the big boys . I would try to catch up to them when this happened but they were mostly successful in their evasion efforts . Right next to us lived the Lawlers , who tended to drink a little too much and got into extremely loud screaming matches with one another . Often Mr . Lawler would be dispatched to the detached garage where he would sleep in his car . One night they were having a particularly contentious argument . On his way out to the garage Mr . Lawler decided to stand in the back yard and get a few more words in edgewise . He woke up my Dad , who got up and made his way into our back yard . Mr . Lawler apparently took offense to my father 's request for him to shut the hell up and go to sleep . He started yelling at my Dad , which pissed my Dad off to the point where he finally just hauled off and punched Mr . Lawler . It was spot - on to the chin and Mr . Lawler dropped like a bag of rocks . Dad crawled back into bed afraid he 'd accidentally committed a homicide . He whispered to my mom , " If anyone asks , I never left the bed tonight . " Mr . Lawler did survive the incident , although one summer afternoon while drinking with a buddy of his on his back deck he was overheard saying " . . . and then the sonofabitch just up and cold - cocked me ! " I guess he wasn 't drunk enough to forget . Not long after that my parents had the chance to buy a much bigger house for not very much money . It had been standing vacant for several years after the owner died , and her son was eager to unload it . Vagrants had been using it as a flop , so there was not only a lot of renovation to do but some pretty horrible messes to clean up . My Dad did most of the work on his own in his spare time . At the time it was one of the biggest houses on the street , and it was very old . It still had a coal bin next to the oil furnace that had replaced its coal - burning predecessor , and a full basement with workshop . It had a detached garage and another outbuilding that must have been used by a gardener . It had both a formal living room AND dining room . My brother and I had bedrooms upstairs , both with enormous walk - in closets . My bedroom had built - in floor - to - ceiling bookshelves . Those shelves were filled with books and I read almost all of them . My ceiling was angled with the pitch of the roof and in the back of my closet there was a square piece cut into the wall that you could pull out . Behind it was empty space , a small corner of the roof and ceiling below that was between my closet and the bathroom wall . On more than one occasion the thought of that empty void gave me the heebie jeebies . I remember sitting on my bed and listening to a recording of Dicken 's Christmas Carol on my record player . Right about the time Marley 's Ghost was talking to Scrooge and jangling his chains , my Dad called me for dinner and turned all the hallways lights off as a little joke . It nearly scared the piss out of me . The property also included a vacant lot next door and behind that a small two - bedroom house which we rented out for a while to a lady and her daughter . The daughter had been in a car accident and broken her back . She was in one of those halo contraptions that included four screws into her skull to hold everything stable and had to sleep in a specially designed bed they kept in the living room . I would go visit from time to time and the sight of those screws going through her skin made my knees feel funny . After my Grandpa died my Grandma moved into that house for a little while . Our dog Queenie stayed with her , and as Grandma was one of those women who showed love through food , Queenie got quite fat . Even after we left the city and she became a country dog she never was able to retain her former figure . I 've lived in many houses since then , some for even longer than we lived in that big old house , but for some reason it is the home that figures most prominently in my dreams . Countless times I 've dreamed that I lived in it again , or visited it or it appeared in passing in a dream about something entirely different . Since moving back to Washington I 've driven by it a few times but have never managed to find anyone home . I 'd love to see what it looks like now that I 'm grown up . Childhood memories tend to add a size distortion to spaces . Nothing is nearly as big as I remember . My children now have vague recollections of our house in New Jersey . I wonder sometimes how long we 'll stay in our house now , and what their favorite memories will be of it when they are all grown up . I think this is why I love old houses . New houses can be anything you want to make of them ; old houses retain the memories of all who have lived there before . Even renovated , the bones of the house still remain . When we bought this house the doorjamb in the kitchen still had all the marks where the previous owners recorded their son 's growth . I left them as they are and my kids ' own growth record is on the opposite side of the same door jamb . I 'm sure someday someone will paint that mess over , but it won 't be me . I was thinking about my brother the other day . I wonder sometimes in those last days of his life what thoughts were going through his head , if he was in pain , if he knew he was in trouble . I wonder if he knew he was teetering on the brink of dying and whether he was OK with that or if he would have wanted more time to change things . I prefer to cling to the latter notion . I don 't believe he was living the life he envisioned himself having , not by any means . That 's the thought that inevitably leads me to the rabbit hole , the endless conundrum of the probability of any one person ever fully achieving self - expression versus the actual necessity of this occuring . Bloom where you 're planted . Be happy in the shoes you 're in . Success is the path , not the destination . I want to believe these things - and in many ways I do believe these things - but I also believe that these are things we are taught to make us feel better about being forced into lives many of us have no viable option of escaping . We gratify our need for expression and validation by telling ourselves - and asking others to confirm it for us - that we 're OK . Its a beautiful , terrible thing , the human condition . The ability of this world we 've constructed to continue functioning , like the Matrix , relies on our inability to slow down and think too very hard about these things . You can 't grease the wheels of society if you are busy throwing aside convention to follow your dream or die trying . It doesn 't take too much imagination to believe that there are forces at play in our world that depend on this , on the natural tendency of tired , overwhelmed people to smooth over the wrinkles between reality and their sense of how things ought to be . Tradition tells you to keep your nose to the grindstone , that life isn 't fair and that conformity is essential for the majority . We can 't be all airy - fairily gallivanting off to chase our dreams . Someone has to stay home and keep the lights on . And so we make the sacrifices , pluck our dreams apart brick by brick until they are small enough to fit the lives we 're living instead of changing our lives to fit our dreams . And I don 't know whether it is right or wrong - or if those words can really be applied - to follow one path or the other . Some of us tread the middle , and maybe we 're okay with it , even more happy than not about it . We all know people who are desperate to unhook the yoke and can 't - or won 't - because they didn 't realize their dreams until too late and they don 't know how to untangle from the obligations they 've created , or they lack the resources to step out of the life they 're in to find the one they want . I would guess that 's probably the case for most people . And I would also guess that many people spend a lot of time trying to convince themselves and everyone else that no , they really are doing just what they want , even if inside them the dreams they once held shrivel up into nothing . I wonder what Ken 's dreams were , the ones he held inside and was never able to nurture into reality . I wonder where his tipping points were and what he felt about them . Do we get a medal for being brave enough to learn to be happy with the life we have even if it isn 't the one we wanted ? You know , I don 't know what I really wanted to be in life . Mostly I just wanted to be an adult ( and its questionable whether I yet qualify ) . I feel that I 've spent a lot of my life mostly living in the moment and coping with the results . Like everyone else I wanted to be famous . If pushed - very hard - I could tell you that I wanted to sing for a living , but when no one ever came leaping out of the wings to offer to make me the next radio star , I suspected it wasn 't really an option . I always considered my horses to be a hobby , and it wasn 't until the last few years I 've wondered why I didn 't think of them as a possible career . Sure , I wouldn 't have ever been rich , but I 'm not rich now anyway . No , like most of the rest of the human race , I fell into a job that turned into a career and I 've worked as hard as I needed to get where I 've gotten and if I 'd worked harder or been smarter I might have made if further by now but I 'm not sure I really care . Don 't get me wrong - - my life is really pretty great . There are areas that could definitely use some improvement , and whether I want to admit it or not , I can see the places where I 've painted myself into corners . They aren 't forever corners , not a one of them . They are the obstacles I 've chosen and I can either let them stop me or I can let them motivate me to do things differently in the future . I imagine I will spend the rest of my life trying to identify the things I really want to do and trying to find ways to do more of those things before I 'm too old to enjoy them . And that 's OK , and I don 't necessarily think its sad in the context of my own life until I recognize the places I see it in the lives of others . My brother didn 't live long enough to start finding the ways to make his inner self become real again . That 's at least as tragic as the fact that the person he was supposed to be got lost in the first place . Ken is the poster child for those of us whom circumstance dictated a life other than the one we would have chosen for ourselves . Too many people don 't have the resources or the support to self - actualize , to do anything more than try to survive , and just thinking that makes me start to feel a sense of panic , because I know deep down inside that we 're meant to be and do more than just survive . I could spend my time wishing things were different , but I suspect , rightly , that my efforts are better spent doing things to change the equation for myself , for those I love . This self - actualized little boy is following his dream of being the cutest cowboy that ever lived . We make resolutions and rarely keep them . We party like its 1999 . But really , is New Year 's Eve that much different than any other midwinter night when we need to inject a little life into the dark of winter ? Its another day . A Tuesday , this year . And I am getting to the point in my life where I truly question the point of it . Its almost as bad as birthdays ; 47 ? Its just like 37 but with more arthritis . My reaction to NYE 2012 ? " Where the FUCK did 2011 go ? Or 2010 for that matter ? " We get older and time picks up speed and one day we were thirty and woke up the next and we were fifty and trying to pay for college for the kids who were just five last week . I don 't get the point of New Year 's resolutions . Can 't I just decide to do things at any old point in the year ? Does it make them less important if I didn 't make them New Year 's Eve ? The day I listened to " Landslide " while watching my baby girl in her high chair and decided I needed another baby , wasn 't that a bigger day than NYE ? The day SG and I held hands in front of our parents and friends and told everyone we were a " THANG " - wasn 't that a bigger day ? The turn of the century , sure , that was a biggie . I 'd moved to New Jersey then , my ex and I were in our apartment , a year away from buying our first house and then immediately getting " in the family way " with Amazon Girl . We must have listened to Prince tell us how he was partying like it was 1999 a thousand times the week prior . I don 't even remember now what we did . . . everyone was waiting for Y2K to make the world stop turning , and like every other apocalypse that hasn 't materialized ( Big shout - out to the Mayans ! ) , it ends up being somewhat forgettable . Except for my friends who moved to an island somewhere and built a house off the grid because , you know , pending apocalypse . And when it didn 't happen , he , who was certain this was IT , went a little cuckoo , and she said goodbye to a chapter in her life and went forth to kick some ass . And let 's talk about the folly of going out for NYE if you 're neither ( a ) single or ( b ) childless . Seriously , its just not feasible . You either have to have the party at YOUR house and hope your kids get at least a few minutes of sleep while the adults get their freak on , or you have to pay a highly - in - demand babysitter three times what she normally gets to watch your kids , which leaves you about two drinks worth of cash in your pocket , then you get to fend off the drunken drivers all the way home and hope you don 't , in your sober and self - protective state , do something stupid while driving by an officer which then necessitates you proving just how boring you are because you are the only sober person exiting a party or bar on NYE . The important days , they don 't need a calendar reference or a national holiday to matter . They are the days when your son asks your friend for riding lessons - all by himself and of his own volition . They are the days when you watch your incredibly proud husband stand on stage to put his son 's officer 's eupalets on his Navy uniform . They are the days when you have the perfect ride on your horse , the perfect day at work , the best . . . nevermind . . . . with your spouse or partner , the day you had an epiphany you didn 't even see coming , the day your daughter needs her first bra and the many many nights you tuck your kids in bed and they hug you ' round the neck and sleepily declare their love . The days you get to spend enjoying your parents and laughing with them over memories of the past and the follies of the present . They are the days you feel the presence of God , the days you feel the smallness of the scale of your life against the wide width of the clamoring world , the days you drink in the sunlight and are grateful for one more moment of a life so sweet it hurts . NYE . Fun , to be sure . A chance to kick up our heels and shake off the past , or to try to catch up on some much - needed sleep while rude neighbors shoot off lawn cannons . A chance to kiss your date while fireworks burst in a dazzling array and a chance to pretend you can really change overnight into someone who eschews ice cream and goes to the gym five days a week . To me ? Its just another Tuesday . Every single day of the year is a chance to start over . We need not limit ourselves to one day in January to try to become the better angels of our nature . When I was really young , we lived in the city , but my parents had a Big Plan to eventually live in a more rural setting . Dad is ten years older than Mom , and so by the time I arrived , he already had a good 15 years or so in the Fire Department . As he got closer to his 25 , my folks bought a two and a half acre patch right smack in the middle of a small island in Puget Sound . The Island , as residents call it , is about seven miles long and maybe a mile and a half wide at the widest point . We lived on the belt of the island , and if you stood in the middle of our road you could see water on both sides . We could watch all the ships going into Seattle from the Strait of Juan de Fuca from our living room window . When she still sailed , you could set your watch by the Princess Marguerite on her way to Victoria . 7 : 10 AM sharp she would appear between the trees . I never got to sail on that ship , and I always wondered what she was like . Our small island was a wonderful place to be a kid . It was safe . Everyone knew everyone else . People always waved at one another when they passed by in their cars . Mr . and Mrs . Kidd lived in a small white house off the main road . They had several acres and Mr . Kidd mowed the grass between the big clumps of blackberry bushes , so it was a favorite place to ride horses . Before I had horses of my own they had a shetland pony that someone kept at their place and they would let me ride her . She was a nasty little pony , as Shetlands are wont to be , but it didn 't stop my friends and I from pretending she was an enormous brown steed . Mrs . Kidd would always call us into the house for a treat - usually cookies or a coffee cake she had made , served with a big glass of milk fresh from the neighbor 's cow . Mr . Kidd was a slow driver . When he was alone on the road he would drive exactly five miles under the speed limit , but if someone got behind him , he would drop to ten under . The island is full of a lot of curvy roads and few good places to pass . No one liked getting behind Mr . Kidd . When I had my own horse I spent a lot of time riding on the beach . If the tide was out my friends and I would race along at full tilt on the tide flats . When the tide was up , we would go up the beach as far as we could before turning around and heading home . I would usually see Bob , the local drunk , when I was on the beach . He was a harmless guy , probably in his mid - to late - 40 's , though it was hard to tell sometimes . He lived with his parents on the island . I don 't remember his whole story , though Dad may remember it , but I know that he was always nice to me . He 'd be sitting in the sand , using a big log as a chair back , with his big jug of Gallo . My folks taught me to be pleasant to people , always , and because he was so very unthreatening , I would always stop and say hello when I saw him . Later on when I went away to college , I would sometimes get cards and letters from Bob . He even sent me a Valentine 's Day card once , which I guess in retrospect was kind of weird , but at the time just seemed really sweet . His kidneys eventually failed on him and he went on dialysis . He died a few years after I grew up and left home . Rod and Willie 's house was a favorite destination to ride my horse . Rod was an independent home builder , and he helped Dad build both of the houses we had on The Island . His wife , Willie , was a real character and always fun to talk to . My first horse was named Willie Wonka and I think she got a perverse kick out of having me ride Willie to visit Willie . I 'd ride up the beach to the trail to their house , tie my horse to a tree in the yard and go in for a pop and a snack . Willie got throat cancer and died , sadly . Before she got real sick she had to have her voice box taken out . She had one of those electronic voice boxes and she would talk by holding a microphone to her throat . She never did seem to lose her sense of humor and she was always nice to me even after things got bad . Sometimes I would ride up the main road to and meet my friend Glenda and her horse and sometimes Lori and her appy gelding Posted at 03 : 21 PM in Country Life , Memories , Misspent Youth , Past History , Randomness | Permalink For about a year and a half now I 've attended an Episcopal church in my area . I love being Episcopalians . I think of us as the aging hippies of Christianity , the liberal heathen Christians who by some other standards might be headed on a fast handcart to a very warm place . While the Anglican church itself has some disagreement over a few key issues , we are a church whose doors are open to all . That openness and expressed belief that God loves every single person is what drew me back to them , the church of my childhood . Now , I would guess that the average age of our small congregation is about 65 . I sing in the church choir and except for me and one other guy whose mother - in - law also is in the choir , everyone else is well past retirement age , as are most of the people that sit in our congregation on Sundays . I love our small church . I love our little choir . Even if we 're not loaded with musical talent , we enjoy what we do and are all committed to showing up every Wednesday and Sunday and making a joyful noise . A few months ago our priest left us to go pastor a larger congregation in a larger city west of us . Until the vestry is ready to call a new priest , we have had visiting priests . For the most part these are retired priests who supplement their retirement by filling in at churches as needed . The priest we 've had most often is a really sweet older gentleman . I enjoy his sincerity and his delivery when he takes us through the ecumenical rites and shares a sermon . Every year our choir , along with anywhere from ten to fifteen other choirs in the area participate in a Christmas choral festival . The offering from this event goes to a local charity , typically the food bank . We had easily the smallest choir participating this year , and so we found a song that was perfectly suited for us . It included a brief solo , and I was asked to sing the part . I won 't be shy , I do sing and I sing pretty well . The solo was right in my vocal range and it was a great fit for me . The night of the choral festival the song came off just beautifully , not just my solo but really , the whole song . We ( and I ) received many compliments and expressions of appreciation . In order for our own congregation to hear the song , we also included it as the offertory anthem Christmas eve and then the following Sunday as well . That Sunday , the priest I mentioned above was our visiting priest . On that last Sunday , after the recessional , we all filed out of church . As I came up to the priest , he grabbed my hand and pulled me close to speak quietly . " I only want to know one thing , " he said . " Um , thanks C . I really love it . " " Uh , C ? Could you maybe not draw boobs anymore ? For a while ? " Til you 're like , 30 , maybe ? It is fifteen degrees out this morning . As I type this , three horses lean up against the pasture fence , blowing steam from their nostrils , wondering why I haven 't shown up with armfuls of hay yet . Hang on boys , I 'll get to you in a minute . I have something to say first . There are lots of things I don 't write about in detail on this blog . They 're off limits . And I really don 't like it when people are coy and they tell you they 're writing about something they can 't really talk about . And now I 'm a hypocrite because that 's sort of what I 'm going to do right now . You see , I 've changed . I 'm not the person I was ten years ago . I 'm not the person I was five years ago . I changed , and yesterday I proved it to myself . One of the biggest problems with being codependent is an frightening tenacity when it comes to hanging on to something even when its totally not okay , and sometimes even when its literally destroying you . I have hung on to people and situations in my life so hard that by the time they finally exploded , there were pieces of shrapnel and body parts found hundreds of miles away . And of course , in that kind of aftermath , I 'd be simply unable to function for weeks and months . I am so proud of myself today , and so grateful for my recovery . I know I still have a very long way to go , but when I am able to look at a situation in my life and say " this isn 't the right situation for me " and simply step out of it , without anger and without blame , I can honestly say that I 've made progress . And yesterday , I did just that . I was sad , and it hurt , but for once the fear of dealing with my feelings didn 't stop me from making the right decision for me . For me and me alone . Today , while we celebrate the things we are thankful for , this is going to be pretty damned near the top of my list . The top slots are reserved for the usual sappy things , my children , my family , all those things in life that I am so fortunate to have and should never take for granted . Somewhere floating around in that list , though , is a box next to the phrase " One step farther away from bat - shit crazy . " And it is checked . I wasn 't always codependent . There were years and relationships in my life where I didn 't take responsibility for another human being 's happiness or discontent , success or failure . It occurs to me those relationships might not have been the healthiest or best , and so they ended eventually . I can only remember one relationship in my past , though , where the mutual level of dysfunction matched the last 10 years of my life . In my memory it seems to have been a very long term relationship , but in reality it was probably not that long at all , a few months or a year . The habits I picked up from it have caused a lot of hurt to me and to other people , though . It was when I met someone who was also codependent that those issues blew up into something worse than unmanageable . ( Interesting side note , I discovered last week that the man I dated for a short while back in the 1980 's is still the # 1 most wanted deadbeat parent in the state of New Jersey . He owes over $ 54 , 000 in child support . How awful is THAT ? Hey , at least I can say " I dated a guy who was Number One ! " ) One of the most harmful things I have done in my relationships is to continually try to " help " people . In reality , what I did was enable people to be doing things that really weren 't healthy or good for them . I tried to fix things for them instead of letting them fix things themselves , thereby teaching them to be helpless . I remember offering to be the stand - in for my ex and his ex because dealing with her was so upsetting to him . It seemed like the right thing to do at the time - - I thought it would help him be less angry and upset , thereby killing two birds with one stone . I would help him and myself at the same time . How silly it was of me to presume to make decisions for him regarding his son , or to insert myself into a relationship that I had no business being part of . I wasn 't my stepson 's parent , and I didn 't have the right to be his father 's voice in dealings with his mother . I also hurt my ex by not allowing him to work through his issues in that relationship on his own ; by helping him avoid the problem , I helped prolong and worsen it . In short , I messed up , royally . As I continue to recover I am trying to learn how to hear other people 's problems without trying to fix them . At first it seems cruel to let someone suffer , but over time it begins to feel more natural . I can let somebody vent , let them know I hear how they are feeling , have empathy for what they are going through , but recognize that they are capable of managing their own lives and problems . Its something I 'm also trying to learn to do as a parent . There are times when our children need something from us , something we ought to give them , and that is when it is helpful to them for us to provide assistance . When they are babies , they need everything from us - without loving hands to feed , clothe , bathe and transport them , they would wither and die . As they grow older , though , they need to learn how to do things for themselves . It starts with simple things and over time encompasses the most complex decisions about who they are , what they believe , how they should handle their own affairs . Today I got a call from my son 's school . He was in the nurse 's office , crying inconsolably . His sensory issues had kicked in and he couldn 't stand the feel of his feet or his socks . Rather than just take them off , he was having a downright fit about them . He does this at home a lot . Sometimes its the shoes or socks , other times its his pants or his shirt or his hair . He 'll be sitting doing something , and suddenly he 'll begin shrieking and tearing at whatever item is causing the offense . Its hard to know how to respond to these outbursts . There 's a big part of me that wants to do anything , anything at all to help him feel better . Over time , though , I 've seen that there 's not a whole lot I CAN do . If I try to help him with something he 'll scream at me . If I get upset because he 's upset , I simply escalate him further . I think the school nurse was really taken aback when I suggested to her that she simply leave him alone . I can hear the thoughts spinning now , " Is she really that cold - hearted ? How could she suggest I ignore her son 's crying ? How mean ! " The truth is , leaving him alone is the best thing I can do for him . Because his issues aren 't caused by the actual item of clothing in question but instead by his neurological response to stress and the smallest discomfort , I 'm not helping him by sitting and cuddling him while he screams or even asking him what I can do for him , or trying to get him different socks or different pants . What he needs is to be left alone , without any pressure from me , so that he can calm down and start to feel better . I discovered this by accident on a day when I was busy getting ready for work . He started flipping out about his hair , and I was so late that I couldn 't do anything for him . Didn 't have time . And so I just said as calmly and lovingly as I could , " I can 't help you now . You 'll have to figure this out for yourself . " And eventually , he did . My mother has seen the same thing happen at her house . He 'll start yanking on his shirt and screaming and she 'll see if he 's okay , and then say " Okay , that 's enough , " and walk away . Sometimes it takes him longer than others , but eventually , he gets to feeling better and less anxious , and he pulls himself together . The more we let him do this on his own , the better he gets at it . I 'm not going to lie and say that there are days when I 'm already stressed out about other things that he goes off on a shriek bender that I don 't feel like I 'm losing my mind right along with my will to live , that there aren 't days when I snap at him to please quit it right now fortheloveofgod ! Of course there are . But he 's getting better at it and so am I . And so I learn , that sometimes the best way of helping someone is to not help them at all . My son , he teaches me that . I did my college rowing at the University of Washington , Jan Harville was my novice coach and Bob Ernst was my varsity coach , back before he moved over to coach the men . ( I hear he 's coaching the women again now ) . After I graduated from college I took a couple of years ' break from being a jock to invest more of my time into being a wastrel . Inevitably , that too palled , and so I returned again to the world where your backsplash , your puddle , and your swing were all that mattered . Swing . Swing is the sweet spot . Its the orgasm of rowing . Its where all rowers in the boat , all eight or four or two of them , hit the same rhythm on the slide , they come forward , drop oar , push back and finish each stroke simultaneously . When swing happens , the boat just picks up out of the water and grows wings . If you 've felt swing , you 'll never forget it . One year at Seattle Rowing Club we entered both the eight and the fours at a four mile race in Fremont . Our eight had some rigging problems before the start , and by the time we had the spacers set correctly , the field was twenty or better lengths ahead of us . We rolled into the start and sort of simultaneously thought " screw it , we 're behind , we 've got nothing to lose , let 's just row the shit out of this thing . " We just went with it . By the third mile , we hit it . SWING . Before long , we were passing boats . Leaving boats in the dust . Swinging . Flying . We flew up the canal and by God we WON that race by open water . An hour later we did it again , in the fours . We split the eight up into two boats . The first four , with our stroke and all heavyweights , was heavily favored . They got to use our club boat . For the second four , it was me and three lightweights . Our club didn 't own a second four , so we borrowed one from another club , a heavy old wooden behemoth of a boat . The four of us looked at each other and kind of laughed . We had no expectation for this race . We 'd already poured our hearts out on a four mile race . We were just hoping to have enough left in us to finish . Somewhere in that race we found the sweet spot and we flew home . We won again . I don 't remember too many details about the rest of that day , or anything else . I just remember the swing . When you ride , there 's a thing you look for . Its like swing , but I 'm not even sure there 's a word for it . Its what happens when you start working together as one . You have a thought in your head of what it is you want to accomplish , you transmit that thought through your hands and your seat and your legs , and your horse , all his muscle and his brain and his nerves , they act out your thought completely willingly . Its as if he 's an extension of your will , not because he 's forced to , but because he wants to . The night before , T - Bone smashed my nose with his head as he was jumping up on my bed . I was up past 11 with ice and a towel trying to stop the bleeding and minimize the swelling . I was up again at 4 : 30 with a headache and a painful face , trying to will myself to even want to go on this ride . I took some time to relax and calm down , to put the drive up behind me . To groom and saddle Bugs and walk him around a bit to loosen the long , bumpy ride out of his legs . Belatedly I realized he 'd thrown a shoe sometime in the week prior , but I was able to borrow a hoof boot from another rider . We started down the long initial trail . It had rained the night before and where the dirt was hard - packed , the horses slipped and slid on their hind legs , trying to find a grip in the earth . We made it through the first three objectives , and got to the fourth . It was a camp area and as we were separating to check our orientation points to find the plate , Bugs started to get antsy about being even a few feet apart from his riding pal . I took him and circled him a few times , let him move his legs and get his brain back into the game . We finished the objective and headed off down the trail . Where it was not rocky , we trotted and loped to make up some time . The last ride we 'd done this , and Bugs had it in his head that he was in a big fat hurry . I spent the last hour of that ride fighting him to stay collected and not go barging off into the sunset . But Saturday , even with challenges , we found our sync . He was collected . He was patient . He went where I asked him , he stayed where I asked him . He moved off the leg like a dream , he didn 't spook or get scared even when we ran into four hunters on atv 's . He enjoyed the hell out of himself , and so did I . We found the sweet spot that makes you want to get up on the horse again , over and over again , so you can get that all - over amazing feeling that comes when you have swing . What are your regrets in life ? What are the things you did in your past that hurt another person that they either never forgave you for or for which you never made amends ? You know , the unresolved ones . When I left my first husband there was no awful thing that he 'd done wrong , no infidelity ( on his part ) , no lying , no abuse , nothing . I went through a lifequake of epic proportions when I found my birthfamily and pretty much fell off a cliff . I didn 't want anything to do with anyone , didn 't want to work , didn 't want to be married , didn 't want to have majored in English , wanted my whole life back so I could do it over and be who I finally thought that I was . The best I could do was end what I came to realize was a marriage of incompatible people and try again . In retrospect , I was incredibly selfish and immature . Maybe we * were * incompatible , but how would I know ? I didn 't try . I believe he will never forgive me for it . I don 't believe he has to . Its not a requirement . And I also believe there is nothing in this world that I can do to make amends for shattering his life . I can apologize . I can say it was all my fault , that he did nothing wrong . But I can never , ever fix it . 12 years later , he sends me an email to let me know the dog we had together has passed away , as he did last year when one of the cats died . And I let him know about a mutual friend who passed . We are polite , we don 't ask questions or talk of personal things , but at least we are polite . There is no meanness , no need to dredge up painful pasts . I 'm comfortable with that . I remember a friend I had , she was a very needy friend and very controlling . We had entered a contest together , the Milk Carton Derby during Seafair . We didn 't win the judging , but we did win a random drawing for two tickets on Continental Airlines , anywhere they flew domestically . For me , it was great timing . I was planning on going to Boston with my rowing club to compete in the Head of the Charles . I wasn 't sure how I would be able to afford to get there , so this ticket was like a gift straight from God . My friend , though , thought that we should use our tickets to go somewhere TOGETHER . I offered a compromise , I would take extra vacation days while in Boston and after the race was over , she and I could do some touring around New England . It would be in the fall , the best time of year to be in the Northeast . My mother 's cousin 's widow lived in Boston , in a very fine old neighborhood , in an enormous house . It was three full stories with a basement , she came from old money . She very generously offered her home to me and any of the other rowers who needed a place to stay . My friend wasn 't interested in this shared housing , and she tried to find herself a hotel room in Boston . She could not find any hotel that wasn 't already booked . She called me , angry and demanding a solution . I said I hadn 't realized that so many people would be in town for the race , maybe she wanted to change her mind and stay at my relative 's house ? She SHRIEKED at me . " People aren 't in town for your FUCKING RACE , you idiot , they 're there for a convention . Your stupid race isn 't that important ! ! And no , I don 't want to stay at your cousin 's house with a BUNCH OF FUCKING DYKES ! ! ! ! " And hung up on me . She never spoke to me again . I left her a couple of half - hearted messages , hoping to patch things up , but she never returned my calls , and frankly it was a relief . ( And just for the record , I had a WONDERFUL time in Boston . We took a silver medal in the women 's 8 , and a couple of us rented a car and drove to Vermont and did a bunch of sightseeing and had a wonderful vacation . SO THERE . ) I have wondered about her since then , whether she still hates me . What she would say if we just randomly ran into one another at the grocery store or at a restaurant . Would she expect me to fall on my knees and apologize ? Would I want to ? I wouldn 't expect it of her , even though I thought her behavior was horribly rude and selfish . She probably thought that I was the one being selfish . And rude . I think where the disconnect happened was that she had very high expectations of me , expectations I wasn 't going to fulfill . That was the beginning of a painful breach that has never healed . Another person comes to mind , a man who , though I didn 't date him for long , was a big part of creating the codependent monster I eventually became . He was an alcoholic , much older than me . In the months that we were together , I became unbalanced as I tried to fix him , control him . The relationship was one of the worst in my life . He was always at the bar , drinking . He never came home when he said he would . He would pick on me for my clothing or my weight or my hair . I was never good enough . He cheated on me . He gave me an STD . After I finally grew the ovaries to throw all of his belongings in black plastic garbage bags and put them in his car , I spent years being furious with him . I wanted him to SEE how wrong he had been . To acknowledge it . TO GROVEL ON THE GROUND AND BEG MY FORGIVENESS . To change . The things that went wrong with J and I , for a while I did the same thing . And even when he owned his part in things , I still felt unsatisfied . I was still angry and I wanted someone to PAY . To grovel . To fix what they had broken . As time passes , I realize that I do not have that right . A person can only apologize for what they own as a wrong . If there are reparations to be made , if they have the ability to make them , ok . But most often , in friendships and interpersonal relationships , there is nothing the other person is going to be able to do that makes you feel better . That part , the getting over the anger part , that 's up to ME . And damn , that 's harder than hell to do . To stop expecting people to fix the broken thing in me . Its happening , though . I think I 'm starting to understand the concept of accepting responsibility for my own repair . At the same time , learning to stop being endlessly angry with the people I feel have hurt me . Being mad isn 't going to make them admit their offenses . Being mad isn 't going to make them sorry . I need to let it go , write it on a piece of paper and burn it in the fireplace . Cry my tears and let the river flow away , taking my pain and anger and hurt with it . Because I too would like the forgiveness of others . I dont ' want to , cannot , spend my whole life groveling for forgiveness , trying to fix the broken parts of other people . Its not my job . No more adsI was notified recently by my ad network that something was wrong with my placement and they were suspending me from the network until I fixed it . Rather than fix the problem I have decided it is more appropriate to go ad - free . If you are kind enough to come here and read my ramblings , I should be kind enough not to bombard you with commercials . Sound fair ?
|
Since Joey was my first guide dog puppy and he is still in training , I haven 't had the chance to experience everything a raiser can face . Until now , I thought the hardest part of puppy raising was IFT day , when you take your not - so - little - anymore pup back to the school for the next phase of his life . This last week , especially the last couple days , have been pure torture . With IFT day , you know when it is coming . Not knowing what is coming , and waiting for news can be much , much worse . Joey is in the final stage of his training and could be matched with a student anytime . I have heard that Southeastern Guide Dogs normally does not have a class in December because of the holiday season . But there IS a class this month . I look at this month 's students as receiving one of the greatest Christmas presents ever and I was hoping Joey was going to be one of those presents . This month 's students were matched up with their dogs last week , but nobody outside of the school knows which dogs those are . I know that occasionally , but not very often , a match just doesn 't work out and a dog may be returned to the training kennel and a replacement brought in . Southeastern Guide Dogs will not let the puppy raisers know which dogs are matched for about a week , until they know for sure that every student and dog are the perfect match . So any day now , hopefully any hour now , I will get a phone call or email telling me if my Joey is indeed part of this class . Sometimes it is six days after they are matched , sometimes it is longer . Of course , now that it is possible that Joey has been matched , it is longer . Every hour of not knowing is agony . Well , I had to walk away from writing this post for an appointment . I came back home and found the email I had been waiting for . Joey has not been matched yet . The agony of not knowing is over . Joey not being matched isn 't even a disappointment . Even if he is ready to be matched up with a student , that guy just hasn 't walked through the door yet . Yes , I said " that guy " . I am 100 % sure that Joey will go to a man . He is just too big and too strong for most ladies . Like Southeastern Guide Dogs , I want Joey to be with somebody that is a perfect match , not just the next one in line . Joey doesn 't understand the concept of Christmas anyway . He will love anybody , anytime . Unconditionally . I love that about dogs . " Joey was able to ride the bus this last month and we had a fun time trying to fit him on there since he loves to stretch out when he is in a settle . He has excellent obedience and very good turns . I can tell he truly cares about me because he is cautious when moving around obstacles and tight spaces . There is his extra large size coming into play . He is a big boy and can definately take up a lot of floor space when he wants to . The only item not checked off on his report is the one that says " Accepts physical handling / grooming . " I know exactly what this means . Joey has NEVER accepted getting his toenails clipped . No matter what or how much I tried , he would not let me close to his feet when I had a clipper . I would lay it on the floor next to him while playing with him , and work up to holding it in my hand while playing with his foot with my other hand . But as soon as I moved the clipper toward his foot , he would pull away . I tried getting him used to a Dremel tool , and the noise never bothered him . But , if I got it close to his foot , running or not , the game was over . The only successful method of trimming his nails was to use an emery board . I even made my own Joey - sized one by glueing coarse sandpaper to a paint paddle . Even with the board , I could only get one paw done at a sitting . He was just too fidgity . But , Joey seems to be doing very well with his training . I think if he was going to be career - changed , it would have happened by now . It looks more and more like he is going to make it as a guide dog . Keep it up , Joey . Continue making us proud . In other news , our quiet house is back to what we have come to accept as normal . We have another pup now . For just over three weeks now , we have had another big black blur slipping and sliding around on the hardwood floors . He is a nine month old lab named Mick , that we have taken over the job of raising . He is a lot different from Joey , but we love having him . But , his name is a bit of a problem . I am sure that the Mick he was named for was a great person that meant a lot to somebody , but when doing obedience with him , I sound like a McDonalds commercial . Mick sit , Mick down , Mick stay , Mick switch , Mick in , Mick out - - - go ahead , say it out loud and you will understand . 2 comments : We hadn 't received Joey 's harness picture from SEGD yet and I had been anxiously awaiting the mail all week . When I saw the mailman come by today , I immediately sent my son Brandon out to get the mail . He came back in very excited . I didn 't realize that he had been waiting for this delivery as much as I was . He showed me a birthday card that came for him from his godparents in Canada . My spirits started to sink . Darn ! Well maybe sometime next week . After all , there are a lot of dogs going IFT all at once now . It takes a while to take all the pictures . Then he handed me an envelope , saying , " Oh , I think you were waiting for this " . It was from Southeastern ! The little stinker had been holding out on me ! Here is what I had been waiting for : Like I have seen mentioned in other blogs about Southeastern Guide Dogs , he looks very mature and professional in this picture , not like the big pup we took back to SEGD . Maybe he understands what his future is all about and is very proud to wear the harness . Maybe the SEGD photographer is very good at getting just the right shot . Well , his latest report card said that he gets very excited when the harness comes out , so I think I know the answer to that . You 're looking good Joey ! Keep making us proud ! Tonight we got an email that brought varied reactions and emotions from the family . I found that I was not as happy as I thought I would be when I got this news . Joey is NOT going to be a breeder . We were mentally preparing for the disappointment of losing the chance to be a guide , but the joy of bringing him home . So , now we are accepting the disappointment of Joey NOT coming home , and the joy of him being that much closer to his ultimate goal . Fortunately , the joy outweighs the sorrow . This Saturday , I will be leading some Cub Scouts families to the campus for puppy hugging and dog walking . Southeastern Guide Dogs differs from other guide dog schools by allowing the general public to come in and play with young puppies that are not yet ready to go home with raisers . This helps to socialize the pups and give them more confidence . You can also walk some of the dogs that are in training , to give them a little break from the kennel with somebody new at the end of the leash . I can 't have any contact with Joey while he is at the school , so I need to avoid the training kennel and the dog walking areas while I am there . Of course , if any of my scouting families happens to get lucky by walking Joey , they will know that they have to give him a special hug from me . During the first month that SEGD puppies are back in for training , the dogs do not get any training . They are in an adjustment period where they get aclimated to kennel life without the added stress of training . They get a complete medical checkup , including xrays . We received word today that Joey passed his hips and elbows evaluation , so he has reached another level in his journey to becoming a guide dog . But , he is also still a breeder candidate . If you have been following this blog , you know how we feel about that . We would be very proud of Joey for being special enough to be selected for breeding , but we would rather see him fixed and become the great guide we know he can be . Cindy and I avoided talking about what we would do if Joey was selected as a breeder , because we just don 't want that to happen . Since the time is drawing nearer that we would be hearing something , we finally sat down and discussed it . It was a very short discussion . If Joey is not going to be a guide dog , then yes , we do want him back in our home . A lot of SEGD puppy raisers live too far away from the school to be breeder hosts , so we need to take advantage of our proximity to the school and have Joey come home to us . We have been keeping a close eye on the Blue Coat Journal blog hoping to catch a picture of Joey , but we haven 't been able to positively identify him in any of the pictures yet . I could spot his blonde brother , Deni , very easily . But , all the black dogs jumping and playing together look too much alike . The pictures show bunches of dogs having fun playing together , so even if we can 't single out Joey , we know he is having fun . Today was the most feared day for puppy raisers . IFT Day . ( in for training ) We took Joey back to Southeastern Guide Dogs for him to begin his guide dog training . I have to admit , SEGD did a wonderful job of preparing for this day . They had about 25 dogs coming in today . As we drove onto the campus , the street to the parking lot was lined with signs . Each sign had the name and picture of a dog that was coming back in for training . Of course we had to get pictures with Joey 's sign . We got more pictures at the main sign in front of the Administration Bldg , then headed for the event area to meet and greet other pups and raisers . While talking to some of the staff , we found out that the missing brother of Joey was indeed scheduled to be there and that his name was Deni ( pronounced " Denny ) . We kept an eye open and soon saw a large yellow dog having pictures taken at the Admin bldg sign . Our boys walked over to ask if that was Deni . We got the thumbs - up from our son and started walking over as they started toward us . Deni is every bit as large as Joey and just as sweet . But the similarity ends there . Joey 's fur is just a little longer than a lab 's but is silky soft . Deni 's fur was longer , like a golden , but coarse . Joey has the pointed face of a golden , only black , and Deni has the more squared classic look of a yellow lab . The meet and greet was followed by the turning in of our dogs at 9 : 00 . They called a dog 's name , he came forward , and they took him away . Joey was the second dog called . Just like they said he would , he walked away with the trainer without a backward glance , anxious to see where he was going . After 5 dogs were turned in , those families were taken over to the puppy kennel for some therapeutic puppy hugging . After playing with the puppies , we got back to the event area for refreshments and blindfold walks . That is where you put on blacked - out goggles and go for a walk holding the harness of a dog in training , to give you an idea of what it is like to put your faith in a dog . Very enlighteniMay 30 , 2011 Since Joey is going back to Southeastern Guide Dogs this Saturday to start his official guide dog training and we have less than a week left with him , today we had to take lots of pictures . We took turns posing with him , both in and out of coat . Everybody got lots of pictures taken today . Joey did a wonderful job of posing , but once he decided he was done , we knew the session was over . Next Saturday should be a lot of fun before the tears start flowing . There are a few dogs with blogs that I follow , that will be there . If you follow my blog , then I am sure you also read about HRH Berkeley . She will probably be the smallest dog being turned in , and Joey will be one of , if not the largest one . Joey has two brothers that have been back at the school for some time , but there is one more out there somewhere that should be coming in Saturday . We will be keeping our eyes open for a large yellow goldadore . I don 't know why , but I really want to meet his siblings . Maybe it is just my competitive side wanting to make sure that my dog is the biggest . ( No comments from any of you Sigmund Freuds out there . ) 3 comments : Yesterday , we got the official word . Joey goes back to Southeastern Guide Dogs on June 4th to start learning how to be a guide dog . Up until now , our family has had the task of teaching Joey how to be a sociable , well behaved dog , exposed to as much " life " as possible . Soon , Joey will start learning the skills that will help him change somebody 's life for the better . There are several paths Joey 's life can take , with being chosen as a breeder at the top of the scale , to being removed from the program and being put up for adoption at the lower end of the scale . No matter which path he ends up taking , he will have a great home with a loving family . We don 't want Joey at the top of that scale . He has demonstrated his desire to be selected as a breeder , and we understand that only the best dogs get selected . We would be very proud if he was selected , but hope he is passed over for that honor . We want him to be a guide dog . We want him to be somebody 's first guide dog . Southeast Guide Dogs is changing the way the dogs are turned in for training . They are turning it into a more festive event , " Freshman Orientation at Guide Dog University " . The always tearful turning - in of the dogs is quickly followed by a walk to the puppy kennel for some therapeutic play time with the young pups . Then , some blindfold walks with dogs nearing their end of training , presentations by trainers , guest speakers representing graduates and handlers of career - changed dogs , and words from the CEO . Joey is back home with us after 10 days with a puppy - sitter . During our vacation at Disney 's Fort Wilderness Campground , we enjoyed our freedom away from the responsibilities of having a dog , but we also missed having the big lugnut with us . SEGD does not want the pups at the big theme parks , but the days we spent at the water parks and Disney Quest would have been great exposures for Joey . You should all be familiar with water parks , whether you have actually been to one or not , but some of you may not know about Disney Quest . This cApr 24 , 2011 Our boys are out of school for the next week for spring break , so we are taking a Disney vacation . Ten days at Disney 's Fort Wilderness campground . Since we are going to be doing the parks , Joey is NOT with us for this trip . Southeast Guide Dogs does not want the puppies exposed to the theme park setting . Joey does very well in large crowds . He does very well with constant loud noises . We help him do very well in the hot sun . But , put all those together along with all the other distractions a theme park has to offer and even the most highly trained guide dog can be overwhelmed . We were looking for a puppy - sitter that could take Joey for those ten days , then a week before we were to leave , our AC decided to set up a full - blown three week puppy camp with somebody in another puppy raiser group near us . Two days before we were leaving on vacation , I called the guy that would be taking Joey to make arrangements to drop off the dog . Well , guess who is in the hospital ? I am not in panic mode yet , but I need to get some other arrangements confirmed before I let the wife know that there is a problem with puppy camp . She is really looking forward to this vacation and I don 't need to let her get upset . I got a call from somebody else in the group that was going to be camping Joey to let me know they had a replacement home for him . Since we were planning on leaving Friday morning for Disney , it was much better logistically to transfer Joey on Thursday . I called the new sitter , Doreen , and it turned out she would be driving home from Orlando on Thursday afternoon , which would put her driving thru my area . I made arrangements to meet her at a truck stop in my town , right along the interstate she was driving . Any apprehension I had about leaving Joey with a stranger , disappeared when I met Doreen . She was great with Joey ; not allowing him to get too excited to meet her , playing with him when he sat and tried to control his excitement , rubbing his belly , etc . She talked about other people in her group that would be handling No comments : Last month at the Southeast Guide Dog Walkathon , I met a few of the people and dogs in another puppy raiser group from the St . Petersburg area . One of them writes a great blog about her puppy , Berkeley . You can see her blog here . Their group frequently goes to the Sarasota Polo Club to watch the matches and party . They say it is also a great exposure for the puppies . Think of it as a tailgate party with horses . Cheryl invited us to join their group at a match . Yesterday was the day ! Now , the closest we have ever been to a polo match before was watching the movie " Pretty Woman " , staring Julia Roberts . Cindy was looking forward to going , but ended up having to work that day . She might work just one Sunday a year and it happened to be this one . I got the boys and Joey into the car and headed for Sarasota . We got to the polo club and started looking for the people we were supposed to be joining . We didn 't see any dogs or the green shirts that SEGD puppy raisers wear when at public functions . I finally parked and sent the boys out to walk the line of tents to see if they could find puppy raisers . I got Joey out of the car , let him relieve himself , then put on his coat and started walking after my boys . I met them at the far end of the field right after they turned around to come back . Then I sent them to walk on the other side of the tents while I walked this side . I hoped that somebody would see Joey in his coat and me in my green shirt and let me know where to go . Sure enough , somebody saw me and walked out to talk . They were just setting up their tent and didn 't have any dogs there yet . I had brought my own sunshade in case in was needed , so I pulled it out of the car and got it set up alongside of their 's . I was looking around at some of the other people there . On one side of us was a group where the ladies were all in their dresses and big hats , just like in " Pretty Woman " . On the other side was a tent with a bunch of palm fronds and bamboo and people dressed like Gilligan 's Island . It was a theme thiNo comments : I have to apologize for the lack of new posts recently . Things are definitely happening in Joey 's life right now , but not too much at a time that was worth writing about , I guess . We celebrated Joey 's first birthday a couple weeks ago , which should have been a big enough event to write about . But , I just wasn 't able to get into a creative mindset to post something about it . It really wasn 't a big deal , Joey wasn 't constantly bugging us for days , reminding us his birthday was coming . I guess that is just our sons that do that . But , I just realized that very few one - year - olds understand when their birthday is . They are just happy to get some cake . We were going to have Joey 's party after dinner . Cindy wanted me to get him a party hat for the occasion . I went down to the grocery store on the corner , but they didn 't have any hats in the party aisle . They used to have a party store in this plaza , but I had never been in it and never really understood the need for a store that just sold cheap costumes , balloons , and birthday candles . Wow , I bet they used to have party hats when they were open ! I knew better than to come home without a hat , so I headed for a bigger grocery store further down the street . Again , no hats in the party section . Oh , I didn 't mention that I left Joey at home while I was trying to find his hat . It was supposed to be a surprise party . After two unsuccessful stops , I knew I had to grit my teeth and go to the dreaded Wal - Mart Supercenter . They have everything there . I was surprised to find only three different hats there . Now I had to make a decision . Do I get the red Hot Wheels hat , the blue Superman hat , or the yellow Spongebob Squarepants hat ? I decided that the yellow hat would look the best on a black dog in the pictures we would be taking , so I grabbed a package of them ( Of course I have to get 8 hats , not just one ) and headed for the checkout . This is the worst part of shopping at Wal - Mart Supercenter . I wonder why they go through the expense of installing 57 checkouts when This last Saturday our puppy raiser group was at the Fun Fest at Sun City Center . For those of you not from west central Florida , Sun City Center is a very nice , large retirement community . Our group sold strawberry shortcake in the food booth area , and had another tent set up for all the pups on the other side of the fest . One of the SEGD trainers was there with us and led a couple obedience sessions . Several interested people stood around watching and asking questions . I , not Joey , was the one that got distracted when answering questions and almost missed our turn at walking in front of the other dogs . Our area coordinator brought a couple harnesses since we now suddenly have 7 pups that are a year old and ready to start getting familiar with them . Joey sniffed it a little bit when I held it in front of him , then calmly allowed me to slip it on him . I buckled it on and let him get used to it . He never paid any attention to it . I took him for a little walk around the fest . As puppy raisers , we do NOT hold the handle of the harness when our pup wears it , we still walk him with the leash . Joey wore that harness proudly , just like when he is in his coat . Puppy raisers will agree that their pups act differently when they are in coat , more mature , more professional . Somebody remarked to me that Joey looked like he was born for that harness . Uh , yea , he was ! A couple people in the group took some pictures of him for me . After wearing the harness for a while , I took it off to make it more comfortable for Joey to lay down back in the tent area . Don 't want to overdo it the first time . Joey seemed to stay in that mindset though . The other pups were playing with each other and fighting over the toys , while Joey just laid there and watched them . It hasn 't been that long since Joey was the most doggie - distracted of the bunch . The newest pup in our group , the one we sponsored and named in memory of our former AC , Dave Kelly , was there and expecting a special visitor . Kathy , Dave 's widow , came to meet the puppy for the Hey Wheat Thins ! If you guys start following blogs as well as Twitter , we could use some cheese and crackers at one of our group meetings . We went to the Southeast Guide Dog Walkathon yesterday . This was our first one so we didn 't know what to expect . We were surprised at the huge number of people and dogs that were there . Of course there were lots of puppies in training , but there were also lots of working guide dogs , therapy dogs , and SEGD breeder dogs . Then there were the dogs that are not part of the SEGD program . Every kind of dog from chihuahuas to great danes were there . We hoped to find Joeys parents and littermates so we could get some family pictures , but there were so many people and dogs there that it would be like finding - - - - - - well , you get the idea . We know Joey 's father is a golden retriever named Norm , and we checked every golden we saw there . No Norm . Joey 's mother , Janie , is a black lab . Good luck finding her in this crowd where 75 % were black labs . We did ask everyone that had a " Breeder " coat on their dog , but couldn 't find Janie . OK , how about the littermates ? Joey has three brothers ; one black and two yellow . We knew the black one , Kenny , would not be there . One of the yellow ones is named Albert and is in another group near us . I found one of the raisers in that group and found out that Albert was not at the walkathon . The other yellow pup is still unknown to us . I checked out every large yellow dog that looked like it might be a goldadore pup , but couldn 't find him . Oh , this is supposed to be Just About Joey , isn 't it ? OK , Joey must have thought he was at Doggie Disney ! He is so distracted by other dogs and here he was in the middle of hundreds ! He is getting better all the time at controlling himself around them , so he wasn 't too hard to correct when he got distracted . We were just starting our third lap around the park when the boys started whining about how tired they were . Instead if listening to them complain for the rest of the day , we decided to go sit in the shade and watch the people and dogs walk past us . Almost right away , I saw somebody I had been wanting to meet . Joey 's sponsors also sponsoreFeb 27 , 2011 We have been given the above award by Fred and CD McLean , along with their guide dog pup , HRH Berkeley . We are very flattered to receive this award from them as it was their exploits with their previous pup , Bingo , that inspired us to start our blog about Joey . As a condition of accepting the award , we have to list seven things about Joey . 1 . Joey is very fluent in what have we have learned is called " goldadore speak " . When we are watching TV in the evening after work , homework , and dinner , he comes to us with a toy in his mouth , whining very loudly , wanting somebody to play with him . 2 . Joey is very talented in being able to pick up his kong , nylabone and blanket at the same time . 3 . Joey will not remain in a stay for very long , but will sit by his food bowl for hours waiting for the OK to eat . 4 . Joey is a very big puppy , surprising everybody that at 90 lbs , he isn 't even a year old yet . 5 . Joey enjoys ear rubs . He will lay his head in your lap , and force his nose under your hand , making you rub his ears . 6 . Joey considers himself to be our sons ' guardian as well as a play - pal . He escorts the boys to bed and patrols the hallway to ensure they stay put in their rooms . 7 . Joey LOVES ice cubes . The only sound that will get his attention faster than kibble being poured into his dish , is the ice dispenser in the fridge door , which , luckily he hasn 't learned to use yet . Joey seems much more mature since he came home from puppy camp . His doggy distraction issues have definitely improved . That was not surprising since his sitter has another dog at home and also works part time at SEGD . So , Joey was around other dogs a lot , as well as professional doggy people . Any first - time puppy raisers worried about puppy camp , this IS a very good thing for the dogs . Yes , you will miss your dog , but if you are camping somebody else 's dog at the same time , you will have that void filled . Maybe not completely , but close enough . It 's fun to compare your dog to their 's . A couple days after he got home , Joey went with me and my youngest son , Colby , to his Cub Scout Blue and Gold Banquet . For most of it , he stayed in a down - under at the table . Most of the Cub Scouts already knew they couldn 't pet him , but there were some brothers and sisters that very politely asked , and I had to turn away . It is very hard to tell a very polite young child they can 't pet him , but they seemed to understand . Now if Joey was a cute little 9 week old puppy , the child might get a little upset that he can 't play with the puppy , but when Joey is much bigger than the child , I don 't think the kid is too upset about it . The kid is probably relieved ! I still get surprised every time an adult asks me if he bites . During the ceremonies , I knew I would have to go up front with my son when it was time for him to get his badge , and I thought about leaving Joey under the table with a STAY command . But , the badge presentations were taking longer than I knew Joey could remain in a stay . So , we went up there together . Joey was perfect and cameras were flashing like crazy . Back at the table , after the meal , Colby had sat still as long as he was able , and had to go vent some energy . He was running around with a bunch of the other boys . Every few minutes he would run back to the table and fly into his seat . Then he would jump up and be running full blast again . That was more than Joey could endure and he tried to chase after His raiser was thinking that another dog that came to the group for finishing might be the last one of the four , but he ended up being from another litter born 9 days later . So there is still one yellow goldadore out there somewhere that I still want to find . Joey , find the goldadore . Joey is home ! Last night we had our raiser group meeting , so Barkley 's raiser and I met there early to switch dogs . We wanted to give them a chance to settle down a little before going into the meeting . As I pulled in , I was wondering if Joey was going to be more excited to see me , or another dog . It turned out that his doggy distraction was stronger than his love for me . He went after Barkley first . I was a close second though . After the dogs got a chance to get reacquainted with their raisers and calm down , we went into the meeting . SEGD trainer Karen Mersereau was the focus of this meeting . She talked to us about leash management and handled a couple of our pups to demonstrate her techniques . She took the leash of one of the more " rambunctious " pups in our group and in just a couple minutes , had him behaving very nicely . It was clear that he knew the commands , he was just very distracted by the dogs and probably the people . Karen 's lecture and demonstration was a very big help to us . Thank you Karen ! In other business at our meeting , our AC ( area coordinator ) dropped some very good news on us . We have been fundraising as a group for the Walkathon , in the hopes that we will be able to sponsor a puppy . Our former AC passed away recently and we were planning to name a pup after him . He and his wife host a breeder that has a litter ready to go to homes in a couple weeks . We have been offered one of these pups ! One of the raiser families in our group that is between pups right now will get this new little black lab male named " Dave " . ( I think this is a wonderful name . ) The rest of the litter will be going to Texas after the walkathon , so we feel very lucky to have gotten one of them . I think everybody in the group will be anxious to puppysit this special guy . And if I know his raisers , there will soon be another new blog out there , probably called " Dave 's Everyday Adventures " . After the meeting , I got Joey home to rest of the family . Everybody was very excited to see each other again , then Joey quickly se1 comment : Our youngest son was coming home from a Boy Scout campout today , but would get home too late for us to go to our puppy raiser meeting this afternoon . So , this morning I drove out to the camp to pick him up a little early . I took Barkley with me to let him experience a little bit of nature and more importantly , kids . One of the reasons Barkley and I were paired up for puppy camp is that I have young boys at home and his raiser , Leslie , does not . He gets limited exposure to kids . I did not have him in coat while at the campground , so the boys got to pet him and Barkley got to play with them a little . He was very fond of the kids and was trying to jump on them . I let him have some fun , but insisted on him keeping all four paws on the ground . Our puppy raiser meeting today was at an Applebee 's Restaurant in Lakeland , which is a ways outside of our regular puppy raiser area . The restaurant was hosting a " Dining to Donate " with part of the proceeds going to Southeast Guide Dogs . We did some obedience in the parking lot and were joined by a few puppies and raisers from the local group . Before we started , I was talking with one of the ladies from the other group . We were talking about the size of some of the pups . She mentioned a goldadore that was in her group and how big he was , and not being a year old yet . My ears perked up at that ! After a few questions back and forth , we both thought that Joey and this other dog might be brothers . I think somebody made a phone call , because a little later , they were saying Joey and the dog in the other group , a big yellow boy named Albert , were indeed litter mates . Too bad he wasn 't there today . I made sure we got an email address of somebody in the group so they could forward my messages to Albert and we can establish direct contact . I have pictures of the litter we took at puppy hugging two or three weeks before picking up our puppies . I also have pictures of the litter the day we picked up Joey . One of these is Albert at 9 weeks Albert did not have any other littermates in his group . So there are still two other goldadores out there I haven 't found yet . I hope that if they are in Florida , that I might meet them at the Walkathon next month . I also hope to meet his parents . Meanwhile , back at the meeting , since we are puppy camping Barkley right now , and his raisers are camping Joey , we tried to avoid each other as much as possible to prevent our dogs from getting too distracted . I don 't think Barkley ever realized that Mama was there . After obedience and the meeting , we headed inside to eat . We were scattered around the restaurant and I don 't think that anybody that walked in after we did had any idea that there were about ten dogs in there , laying under the tables . But there were probably some surprised looks when we started walking out , first one , then another , and another …… . Our youngest son is at a Boy Scout campout this weekend , and this morning the rest of us were sitting around the house discussing what we should do today with Barkley . Cindy came up with the idea of going to St . Armand 's Circle , a nice little touristy shopping area in Sarasota , about an hour south of us . I piggybacked on that idea , saying we could go to the SEGD Discovery Center , then have lunch at a place we saw on TV , then hit the shopping area , and finish with a piece of pie at another place we saw on TV . Barkley didn 't act like he was too interested in going . That is one big difference between Joey and Barkley . Joey is very excited about getting in the car . He sits very impatiently while I open the car door , waiting for those golden words ; " Joey , IN " . Then he jumps right in and lays down . Barkley doesn 't really seem to care for the whole " get in the car " thing . We say " Barkley , IN " and he walks over and put his front feet in , then just stops . He looks back at me as if to say " You really want me to get in this car ? " He finally slowly climbs the rest of the way in . By the time I get in , he is usually asleep . We get to the Discovery Center and have to wake him from his beauty sleep . He is a lot more anxious to get of the car than get in . I try to get him to " busy " before going in , but there have been dozens of dogs here every week and their smells are just too heavenly for Barkley to think about relieving . I give up trying and take him inside . There just happened to be a couple other dogs from our raiser group inside , so they had a nice little reunion . Barkley has doggie distraction issues , not as strong as Joey 's , but they are something to work on . He did get to play with the other pups , but also had to spend some time sitting by me and not playing with them . The place started to fill up with non - SEGD dogs coming in for an obedience class , so we decided it was time to go . Soon , we were looking for our lunch spot , a little place we saw on the Food Network show , Man Vs Food . We follFeb 4 , 2011 Yes , puppy camp started today for Joey and his friend , Barkley . Joey and I drove down to the SEGD campus , where Barkley 's raiser works part time . We traded dogs and beds , exchanged info about medications , and I headed home with my little camper . In the car , I was surprised at how much Barkley looked like Joey when looking straight into his face . Joey is a goldadore and Barkley is a full lab . Barkley 's profile shows the classic squared muzzle , while Joey 's is more pointed . But looking straight into their faces , they look very alike , at least to me . I will have to see if Barkley 's raiser , Leslie , notices the same thing . After getting home , Barkley checked out the house and yard , then starting acting exactly like Joey , staying right at my feet . The kids came home from school and played with him a little bit , happily surprised that he is so much calmer than Joey . When they went into their rooms to do homework and play on the computer , Joey , I mean Barkley , laid in the hallway , exactly where he , I mean Joey , always does . I hadn 't told the wife yet that we started puppy camp . She came home this evening after a very long 13 hour day . The kids were biting their tongues , just waiting to see when she would notice it was a different dog . I , of course , knew she was barely keeping her eyes open as she ate dinner . She wouldn 't notice anything until she sat down in the living room . That 's when Joey would normally be right in front of her with a toy , moving back and forth , and whining for her to play with him . To my surprise , Barkley came over to her with a toy in his mouth , wagging back and forth exactly like Joey , but not whining . Cindy was too tired to notice the difference . I could tell that the boys were busting at the seams , trying not to give it away , but dying to say something . Before going to bed , Colby , our youngest , just had to tell her that it was Barkley , not Joey . She was very surprised , and embarrassed that she hadn 't noticed . She got down on the floor to play with him and found a big difference inFeb 2 , 2011 Today I took Joey down to the SEGD Discovery Center in Sarasota for a " Trainer 's Workshop " . This is a time when the general public ( and puppy raisers of course ) can talk to the guide dog trainers about dog training . When we got to the center , we were greeted at the door by one of Joey 's old friends from our puppy raiser group , Jeannie . I first met Jeannie last April when I attended my first raiser meeting . She was a normal energetic puppy of about 10 months , one of the oldest in our group at the time . I was surprised at almost every group meeting after that first one , by how mellow Jeannie was becoming ( without pharmaceuticals ) . She was very nicely maturing into the guide dog I am sure she will become . Anyway , Jeannie was just laying on the floor at the center when we walked in . Joey of course was dying to go play with the dogs , but he was in coat and I had to keep an air of professionalism around him . I kept a very close eye on him as he strained to get closer to them . Jeannie calmly got up and walked over to meet Joey , only to be stopped by the volunteer that was handling her . I took Joey around the corner into the puppy hugging area with a three foot high wall so he couldn 't see Jeannie and the other dogs that were behaving very nicely . I was hoping Joey would calm down enough that I could go out and join some of the other people in there . Every once in a while , Jeannie would get up and just mosey on over to where I was keeping Joey in a down , stay . She remembered her friend from the meetings and just wanted to come over and see what he had been up to the last few months since she went IFT . Anyway , I was the only person who was there for the workshop , so it was some real nice one - on - one time . I was able to discuss with the trainer , Lynn , my concerns about Joey 's doggie distraction issues . While we were talking , she was observing how Joey was reacting to the other dogs in there and probably even more important , how I reacted to the situation . I was pretty good on how I applied timely and consistent Jan 22 , 2011 No , Joey is not IFT for a few more months . I found this posted on another blog and just had to pass it along to other guide dog puppy raisers . Please enjoy . This weekend , the manatee viewing area at the TECO ( Tampa Electric ) power plant celebrated their 25th anniversary . It had been a few years since our family had been there , so we decided it would be a great outing for the whole family , as well as Joey . We got there to find that the parking lot was closed and we were directed to another lot about a half mile down the road . But , that next lot was full and we were directed to yet another one at an elementary school another mile down the road . But , " Don 't worry , there is a shuttle bus to transport you " they said . We parked at the school and I got Joey out expecting to let him " busy " before getting him into his coat and onto the bus that probably wouldn 't be there for at least 30 minutes . WRONG ! The bus pulled up and people started hurrying to get in line for it . Since it was only a mile and half back to the viewing center , Joey could wait . Now , before I start getting comments about how Joey 's needs are more important than catching a shuttle bus , I must add that Joey had done his business about 15 minutes earlier , before we got in the car to come here . We just make it a habit to give him the opportunity every time he gets out of the car , before we put his coat on . He did a very nice " Sit , Forward Up " onto the bus like he had done it all his life . Maybe he was just anxious to follow my wife and kids who got on in front of me . We reversed the procedure for getting off the bus and went to find a place to pee . After taking care of that business , we got some beads from a pirate that Joey determined did not require a second look , were handed some cookies that he likewise ignored , and we attempted to go look at some manatees . This is a very nice place that the electric company built to allow people to come see the manatees , learn about them , buy manatee related products in the gift shop , enjoy butterfly gardens , and even experience a hurricane simulator . But , it was built for the normal crowd of maybe a couple hundred on a single day . With the few thousand t1 comment : He is a golden retriever X labrador , lovingly refered to as a Goldador . Joey is sponsered by Jimmy and Stefanie Lannon of JPL & Associates , LLC in Sarasota , Florida . Please check out their website : http : / / www . jpl - associates . com / This site is not affiliated with or endorsed by Southeastern Guide Dogs , Inc . The views and options stated here belong to the blog author and may not accurately reflect those of Southeastern Guide Dogs , Inc . And believe me , they let me know when that happens .
|
Daniel Aaron James had been born twenty - one years ago to Alison James . As long as he could remember it had been just him and his mom . His mom had told him that his father had deserted her when he learned she was pregnant and she would not terminate the pregnancy . Danny had had a happy childhood . He and his mom did not have a lot . Alison worked full - time and went to college at night . By the time Danny was eight she had graduated and was able to get a teaching job at a local private high school . Not only did the position pay better than the jobs she had been working , but the hours and vacations coincided with Danny 's school breaks so she could be with him as much as possible . When he was nine , his mom decided he needed a hobby and gave him a choice of activities he could participate in after school and on weekends . On top of the list were team sports , like baseball , football , lacrosse and soccer , none of which appealed to Danny . He was small in stature and not very coordinated or athletic . As Danny continued to scan the list , he finally saw an activity that appealed to him - - horseback riding . He had always admired horses and had longed to learn to ride . This was a perfect activity for him . Something he could do by himself and one where there shouldn 't be a lot of older boys and jocks who liked to pick on him . Danny fell in love with riding immediately . He loved the horses , the quiet and the solitude of the barn . He loved trail rides by himself and with some of the friends he made there . Most of all he loved jumping . Most of the kids he rode with had their own horses . A part of him longed for a horse of his own , but he also loved being able to ride a number of different horses . He knew his mother was in better shape financially , but owning a horse was a major investment of time and money on both their parts . As Danny continued to show and win , he gained a reputation , first in his county and then the state . He would win competition after competition . By the time he was thirteen , the walls of his bedroom were covered with hundreds of ribbons - - most of them blue ; and shelf after shelf of trophies . Danny 's reputation as a rider and competitor was getting him noticed around the tri - state area . Soon he had barn managers and stable owners tracking him down offering him jobs at their stables . He would be paid to ride horses in training and competition . By this time , Danny knew he wanted a future with horses and this would give him a great head start . His mother , being a teacher , was very concerned about his education . After much discussion , it was decided that he would begin an apprenticeship at a world - class stable in the next town over . He would take his high school classes online . As long as he continued to maintain his ' A ' average , his mom would let him take this job . Over the next four years , Danny 's star continued to rise . He was up before dawn every morning to train horses . He would ride four or five horses in the morning , take three hours midday for classes and then ride four or five more horses in the afternoon and evening . The owners of the stable were amazed at the young man 's work ethic . He was always the first one to the barn in morning and the last one there at night . Danny had a rapport with the horses that made most of his fellow riders envious . He had a quiet strength and determination . As timid as he was when he was in the public school system , he was that much more confident and strong in this environment . Danny continued to excel at competitions , bringing blue ribbons and trophies to the stables every weekend . He had many offers from bigger operations to join them , but he liked staying close to home . Although he more or less lived at the stables , he liked the fact that his mom was less than a half hour away . By the time he turned 18 , Danny was a confident and outgoing young man . He was very popular with the young ladies who rode at the stables . His height had topped out at about 5 ' 8 " . He had blond , almost white hair , and startling blue eyes . The time he spent outdoors gave him a deep , dark tan that offset his hair and eyes . The hard work he did at the stables gave him a trim , muscular build . Many of the mothers at the stables saw Danny as a prize catch for their daughters . The only real problem was that Danny was gay . He had long ago come to terms with this fact . One of the things he loved about the stables was that there were not a lot of boys around to distract him and it made it easier for him to keep his secret . As his high school graduation approached , Danny had a decision to make . The stable he had made his home for the past four years was offering him a permanent position as a trainer with the promise that it would lead to management down the road . He also had solid offers from other larger stables all over the country . But , after working so hard the last four years , Danny decided he wanted to take time off and be a student . The college was in Ocala , Florida in the middle of horse country . He liked the idea of being a student and stepping away from competing for a while . He was planning to get his degree in Equine Management and then work towards his goal of owning and operating his own stable . As a combination graduation present and ' bonus ' , the owners of the stables presented him with a horse of his own . Silent Angel was a black Arabian mare that Danny had been riding for the last three years . She was purchased by the stable as a 2 - year - old . She had been purchased cheap , because her former owners felt that she was too wild to be of any use in the show ring . She was turned over to Danny for training and he immediately worked his magic on her . Overnight she changed from skittish , wild - eyed and panicked into a calm , easygoing and loving horse . With Danny as her rider and trainer , Angel won many competitions and had a whole wall in the barn devoted to her awards . Danny enjoyed his summer off . Even though he was just eighteen this was the first significant time off he had taken in over four years . He spent his days training Silent Angel or just taking her on long trail rides . Occasionally , one of the girls who took lessons at the stables would accompany him , but more often than not , he would ride by himself . He spent his evenings with his mother . They would cook elaborate meals together or go out to see movies and concerts or just spend quiet evenings at home watching movies . They both knew this would be Danny 's last summer at home and they were going to make the most of it . Danny arrived in Ocala , Florida a week before classes were to begin . He had rented a small garage apartment that was between the stables and the campus . His mom had wanted him to room in the dormitory , but he didn 't think he could live in the chaos campus living created . When he dropped off Angel at her new home , he had started talking to Abigail Richards , the farm owner . She had been taken with Danny 's knowledge and abilities and had followed him for years on the show circuit . She immediately offered Danny a part - time job giving lessons at the farm . Danny had hesitated at first , but Abigail assured him that he could set his own schedule so as not to interfere with school . She would be happy just having Danny as a member of her farm . Danny agreed to consider taking on a few classes . Danny was very impressed with the farm . He quickly got Angel settled into her stall . He unloaded her tack from the truck and put it all away in the section of the tack room that had been assigned to him . Abigail gave him directions to her preferred feed store and he left to go there . While the board could be provided by the farm , he preferred to pick out Angel 's food himself as he had her on a very precise diet to keep her in the best shape . He knew he spoiled her and tended to purchase the more expensive feeds for her , but she was his baby and he would only provide her with the best . He went to the truck and grabbed the duffel bag that he always kept with him . He went into the bathroom to change into his riding clothes . He emerged a few minutes later wearing his breeches , barn shoes , half chaps and a polo shirt . He had his helmet tucked under his arm and his gloves tossed in the helmet . Several of the young girls who were there for lessons stopped to stare at the beautiful blond newcomer . Danny was oblivious to their stares . He was so used to being glared at and stared at by the females when he rode that he didn 't even notice it anymore . He joked to himself that had been interested he could have slept his way through entire Southeast circuit . But , in reality , he was not interested in the girls and he hadn 't yet met a guy who made him reconsider his choice to stay closeted . He was still a virgin and likely to remain so for a while . He walked to the tack room and grabbed Angel 's saddle , saddle pads and bridle . He also grabbed his grooming bag . He brought all the tack and grooming supplies to the grooming area and left them while he went to get Angel . By now , an even bigger crowd of young girls ( and a few mothers ) had gathered around to observe the young man . Many of them knew him by reputation and were curious to see him in action . Others were just taken by Danny 's beauty . At this point , Danny could not help but be aware of all the eyes that were on him . He smiled inwardly ; if they wanted to watch then he would give them something to watch . Danny was not normally a show - off . Everything he had received in the last few years he had earned through hard work and determination . But , he was not overly fond of being ogled by so many people . He walked over to Angel 's stall . The big black Arabian met him at the door to the stall . She moved her head down to receive Danny 's pets and kisses . Rather than grab her halter as he normally would have , Danny decided to show the gathered crowd what his horse could and would do for him . He opened the stall door wide and Angel moved forward . She stopped at Danny 's shoulder and walked with him to the crossties . She stopped dead center and Danny never bothered to tie her down while he groomed and tacked her . He could feel the eyes on him from all over the barnyard . He laughed with delight when Angel lowered her head and took the bit from him like it was the last carrot he had to offer her . He turned and grabbed his helmet and gloves . He quickly put them on and led Angel to a nearby ring . He was planning to hit the trails , but his ego was getting the best of him and he couldn 't resist letting Angel continue her show . He led Angel into the ring . He checked the girth on the saddle and pulled down his stirrups . Even though Angel was a big horse and he was not a tall person , he was light and agile enough to get into the saddle without assistance from the mounting block . He pulled the reins over Angel 's head and went to her side . He held the reins in one hand and placed the other on the saddle . He bounced on the balls of his feet a couple times and leapt up and into the saddle . He took Angel around the arena at a slow walk to give her a chance to warm up . After a couple of laps he moved her into a trot and then a canter . He and Angel had been together so long , she could read his body movements and knew exactly what Danny wanted from her . Some jumps had been set up in the ring . Danny noticed people were now gathering around the fence , not even trying to hide their interest . Figuring they were entitled to a show , Danny had Angel maintain her canter and took her over the jumps never coming close to touching a rail . Danny would have Angel slow to a walk after each circuit and mentally review what he and she had done right and what they needed to work on . Then they would run the jumps again . To the untrained eye , Danny and Angel were perfection , but to Danny who micromanaged everything , there were millions of mistakes . Of course , to Danny the mistakes and miscues were never Angel 's they were his . He saw Abigail standing near the gate . He rode over to her and she opened the gate for him . He nodded to her and several of the ladies who had gathered around as he passed and rode towards the trails . The trails were extensive and ran by many lakes . Danny would occasionally stop at one of the lake shores so that Angel could rest and take a drink . He had been warned by several people to keep a close eye on the water , since this was alligator country . Danny was walking Angel through an old orange grove when he heard another horse close by . After another minute , he saw a beautiful tall Appaloosa standing by a tree . He didn 't see anyone else near the horse . As he rode Angel towards where the horse stood he saw movement to his side . He looked over and saw a young man about his age leaning against a tree with his eyes shut . Danny almost choked ; the boy was naked as the day he was born and he was busily fisting his large hard cock . The boy appeared to be Hispanic ; he was about six feet tall , maybe 175 pounds . He had dark skin and shoulder - length black hair . He had an amazing body . Danny just sat there on Angel and stared at the young man . He felt all the blood in his body rush to his nether regions . He was about to turn Angel and go when the young man 's breathing increased and his penis erupted . Danny watched mesmerized as pulse after pulse of white cream shot out of the boy 's beautiful cock . Suddenly , his mystery boy opened his eyes and looked right at Danny . Danny was frozen for a moment looking into the boy 's startling hazel eyes . The boy looked at Danny and grinned . He was looking forward to his last class of the day , Intro to Equine Management . He walked into the room and found a seat in the back . As he looked around he realized that he was the only man in the room ; this was fine by him as he wouldn 't be distracted by a roomful of girls . Over the next hour , Danny kept his head down and furiously took notes . Occasionally , he would glance to the side and see CJ just looking at him . Whenever his eyes would meet CJ 's the dark - skinned boy would just smile at him ; one time he even winked . Danny was sweating furiously and started to feel nauseous . He had not been this nervous since he was in junior high . Everything he had done in the past four years to become less shy and more confident had flown out the window upon meeting this beautiful boy . CJ smiled at him . He leaned closer to Danny . " It 's ok , " he whispered to Danny . " I don 't bite . Unless you want me to . " He laughed as Danny felt himself start to hyperventilate . CJ noticed the panicked look on Danny 's face . Danny was just frozen to the spot . CJ grabbed the items that had scattered on the floor and shoved them into Danny 's book bag . He slung Danny 's book bag over his arm and grabbed his backpack and Danny 's arm . He lifted Danny to his feet and guided him out of the building . CJ reached over and took Danny 's hand . Danny 's hand was like ice . CJ rubbed it between his hands and moved his hands up and down Danny 's forearms as well . " You had a panic attack , " CJ answered . " I think you just got a little overwhelmed . " He kept holding Danny 's hand in his . " Do you remember me ? " he asked . CJ laughed . He took Danny 's chin in his hand and lifted Danny 's head up . " I was wondering if you remembered , " he said . " You bolted so fast , I wasn 't sure what you had seen . " CJ laughed harder . " That much , huh ? " He shook his head . " I 'm sorry , I 'm not usually an exhibitionist , but it was such a beautiful day and sometimes the heat , the day and the rhythm of riding gets to me , you know what I mean ? " Danny started to get that panicked look in his eyes again . CJ placed his hand on Danny 's shoulder . " It 's cool , Danny . I 'm not going to hurt you . I just want to be your friend . Let 's go grab some lunch and just talk ? Ok ? " " Wait right here , " CJ said as he hopped out of the Jeep . He reached over and placed his hand over Danny 's one last time . " And relax , " he laughed . Danny sat in the Jeep just staring into space . He felt that he had just wiped away four long years of work in half an hour . He felt like a fool . He hadn 't had a panic attack since he was twelve and Martin Conners had thrown him against a locker - room wall . Now he was having them at the thought of being alone with a very attractive and very friendly guy . " So , I don 't know what your plans were for this afternoon , " CJ said . " But I was planning on a nice long trail ride to clear the cobwebs from the first day of classes . Or we could just walk over to the picnic table and eat lunch and talk . " Something about being on the farm immediately comforted Danny . He felt his strength and resolve retuning . " Let 's go for a ride , " he said , returning CJ 's dazzling smile with one of his own . " I could definitely use it . " CJ laughed , " Man , we have to loosen you up . Breeches and tall boots and that stuff are a necessary evil in the show ring , but on the trails , jeans and boots are fine . Hell , a few weeks in this heat and you may opt for shorts and flip - flops . " You mean , Chief ? Nope , he belongs to the farm . I don 't have my own horse yet . My parents think my riding is a frivolous remnant from my childhood and will not pour any more money into it . " " Well , your reputation is a little more stellar than mine . I 've dabbled here and there , but I mainly ride for fun not work . When I got to Ocala , I found this farm and Abigail , and she 's been kind enough to let me function as an exercise boy . " " My mom is from old - money Spanish aristocracy . She inherited a lot of money from my grandfather when he passed last year . My dad likes to think he is of the same background as my mom , but if Mom 's family had come over on the Mayflower , my dad 's family was bailing it out . The problem in old - school thinking is that the man controls everything even if the money is the woman 's . If it were up to my mom , I 'm sure she would let me keep on riding and make it my career , but Dad thinks that a man needs to be in a ' real ' business . " " Man that sucks , " Danny said . " I couldn 't survive if my mom tried to make me give up riding . It 's been the one thing that has gotten me through . Even after my little attack this morning , just being here has made me feel 100 % better and getting out on the trails is just the medicine I need . " CJ walked off in one direction and Danny turned towards the barn . He went and grabbed his tack and his grooming kit and left them out at the grooming station . He went to his locker and grabbed his yard boots and half chaps . He might not wear all his gear , but he knew that his legs would be rubbed raw if he didn 't at least wear his chaps . Danny decided that since it was just him and CJ around that he wouldn 't bother with the halter and lead . It was just for show anyways . Angel would never leave his side and did exactly as Danny told her . Danny unbolted the stall door and opened it wide . Angel stepped out of the stall and stood right at Danny 's left shoulder . Danny reached up and stroked her neck and ran his fingers under her long mane . " Holy , shit ! ! " CJ exclaimed . " In all my years of riding , I 've never seen a horse just follow someone that calmly before . That 's amazing . " Danny smiled warmly . " She likes you , " he stated . " She usually is very standoffish with new people . I think she senses that you know what you are doing and she 's safe with you . " CJ grinned . " Danny , she is absolutely gorgeous . I 've ridden a lot of horses , especially when visiting my grandfather in Spain , but she is so special . I 'd love to ride her sometime , but only , of course , with your permission . " Danny nodded . " I think she 'd let you . She seems to like you . Let 's get out on the trail and see what happens . " CJ nodded . " Wow , you do know your horses , " he said . " This is Macho . He 's one of Abigail 's Pasos . She has a couple . They 're one of the reasons she lets me ride here ; given my Spanish riding background , I 'm used to them and their gaits and personalities . Most of the folks here want hunter / jumpers or show horses . These guys are beyond them . " " I rode one once back home - - their gait is so smooth , " Danny said , walking over to let Macho sniff at his hand . When the big horse lowered his head , Danny scratched his neck and ears . " He 's great . Maybe once we get them out on the trails , we can switch for a bit . I 've always wanted to retry that gait . " Danny watched as CJ grabbed a huge Spanish saddle and gently placed it on Macho 's back . As CJ quickly cinched the saddle and fixed his tack , Danny was mesmerized by the beautiful boy . He watched the muscles in CJ 's back flex and move under his tight t - shirt as he moved around the big horse . Danny grinned . " Nope , " he answered . CJ watched mesmerized and Danny grabbed a handful of Angel 's mane and just swung himself up onto the tall horse . " After they ate , they decided to switch horses for a bit . Danny was amazed at the way that Angel took to CJ . She had been very much a one - man horse , which is one of the reasons the owners of the stables he used to ride at had no reservations giving her to him . But with CJ she was almost as well - behaved as she was for Danny . First he had Danny tighten up on his reins and move Macho into a ' classic fino ' or ' paso fino ' gait . This was a collected gait during which the horse barely moved forward or back , it was a four - beat gait that made the horse look like he was marching in place . It was mainly used for show , but CJ wanted Danny to fully experience everything Macho could do . Next CJ backed Angel up to give Danny a little room and Danny moved the Paso into a ' paso corto ' gait . This was also a four - beat gait , but it was more extended . The speed of the horse was comparable to a trot , but much smoother , something Danny and his balls appreciated . CJ showed Danny Macho 's gaits and how they would be demonstrated in a show . He showed Danny how to get the horse to ' dance ' in place and some of the moves he would use if he were to be in a bullfight . After each demonstration , Danny would hop on Macho and try the move himself . When they finished with Macho , Danny gave CJ the same type of master class with Angel . He showed her prowess at jumping and dressage . CJ loved jumping the mare , but would need to brush up on his dressage . CJ marveled at Danny 's prowess , especially at dressage , which was a more difficult discipline . He had never seen anyone so smooth and confident . He knew that Angel was an amazing horse , but Danny 's riding skills were beyond anything CJ had ever seen . " Well , I 'd like both of you to come on board as part - time instructors , " Abigail offered . " The students love you two and so do the moms . Danny , I 'd like you to do some hunter / jumper and dressage lessons and CJ you could teach western and trail riding and maybe give a class or two on Spanish - style riding . " " I 'm only looking for you guys to do maybe two or three classes a week here , " Abigail stated . " Danny , you can maybe do a beginner and intermediate dressage class and a hunter / jumper . CJ maybe one or two Spanish riding and a beginner 's trail class . I 'm not looking to overload you boys , but since you are both so obviously skilled and right here , it doesn 't make much sense to me to not at least make the pitch . " Danny wasn 't sure . He had taught a few lessons before and he was not sure what kind of instructor he would make . " Can we think about it for a day or two ? ' he asked . Abigail nodded . " Sure , no problem . Our next set of classes won 't start until after Labor Day when the school - age kids head back . Why don 't you take a few days to think on it and then let me know ? If you have any questions or concerns , just let me know . " After thinking it over for a few days , Danny and CJ both agreed to take on three classes apiece for Abigail . They would each teach their riding classes on Tuesdays , so they would have Thursdays to themselves for studying and relaxation . They both tended to spend all weekend at the farm and Abigail suspected that once they caught the teaching ' bug ' they might be willing to take on some weekend classes as well . Over the course of the first semester , CJ and Danny became fast friends . They would teach their riding classes as a team . Danny would lead his dressage and horsemanship classes and CJ would assist and then CJ would teach classes on western and trail riding and Spanish - style riding and Danny would be his assistant . This worked out well , since they were very in tune with each other and the person assisting could work one - on - one with any student who was falling more behind or needed more help . After the first round of classes , Abigail talked the boys into doing a series of demonstrations on weekends . Once a month , the farm would host an ' open house ' and the main attraction would be Danny and CJ doing riding and training demonstrations . The boys would run through their demonstrations and then make themselves available for questions and conversations with people interested in taking riding classes . Everyone started to think of CJ and Danny as a single entity . They were always together . Despite being opposites in looks and personalities , they meshed in a way that Danny never had with another person . Even when they disagreed , which was not often , they never actually argued and always found a joint solution to any conflicts they had . In addition to the classes they were teaching , both boys were carrying a full class load at school . They were taking all the same classes , so they immediately began their own two - man study group . They would occasionally include other classmates , but only those who were serious about studying . Many of their classmates knew that CJ and Danny were two of the few freshmen who lived off campus . Most of them asked to join the study group because they saw it as a way to get off campus and party . Danny gave the offer a lot of consideration . Never having had any siblings , he had never had to share living space with anyone other than his mom . When he had lived at the farm at home , he had been given his own small apartment . There were other trainers and hands in the building but his space was his own . Danny knew he was developing feelings for CJ and he was nervous that living together would create problems . He was sure that CJ saw him only as a friend . CJ often spoke of his little brother and how much he missed him and he was sure that in spite of their being the same age , CJ looked at him as a ' substitute ' brother and nothing more . Once Danny had decided to move in with CJ , CJ was too excited to wait for the next semester . He went to Danny 's landlord and went into full - on schmooze mode . Within ten minutes , CJ had Danny out of his lease and got him his full security deposit back . Danny stood at the kitchen sink , washing vegetables for a salad . He didn 't know CJ was behind him until he felt someone grab him around the waist . CJ spun him around and sat him on the kitchen counter . Danny attacked CJ 's neck and torso with a vengeance , licking and sucking at every inch of skin he could get to . He sucked on CJ 's neck while his nimble fingers caressed CJ 's pecs and nipples . He was driving CJ straight over the edge . CJ sat up suddenly and grabbed Danny 's t - shirt . He pulled Danny 's shirt over his head and leaned into kiss Danny 's light - pink nipples and licked a trail down his chest . CJ grabbed the waistband of Danny 's shorts and pulled them down . Danny instinctively lifted his butt off the bed to allow his shorts and underwear to be completely pulled off . Danny lay back on the bed with his eyes closed . He was enjoying the caresses and kisses that CJ was covering his body with . His dick was harder than it had ever been . He didn 't think he could take much more of the stimulation . Then , Danny felt something he had never felt before . His eyes flew open and he looked down to confirm that CJ had indeed engulfed his rock - hard boner in his mouth . CJ was going to town like Danny 's rigid dick was the last meal he would ever have . Danny was mesmerized by the beauty in front of him . He took CJ 's large uncut cock in his hand and gently stroked it . He tentatively put his lips over the head and gently licked and sucked . CJ writhed and moaned on the bed . His blond angel was bringing him to the edge and then stopping to let him gain his composure . For a complete virgin , Danny was exceptionally good at the art of the tease . While Danny ravaged CJ 's mouth , he popped the top on the bottle of lube and poured some onto his fingers . He worked two fingers into his ass and moved the lube around . Virgin he might be , but he had ' practiced ' with a number of implements over the years and was dying to try the real thing . " It 's up to you , " CJ answered . " I am clean . I was tested a few months ago and I have not been with anyone in the last year . " CJ kneeled back on his heels , still embedded in Danny 's ass . He was close , but he wanted Danny to come with him . He grabbed Danny 's steel rod and stroked this as he continued to ram his own into Danny 's ass . Both boys were lost in the moment . They each felt their orgasms beginning and together they exploded . CJ shot load after load of hot cum up Danny 's tight ass , as Danny shot his load all over his chest and abdomen . CJ collapsed next to Danny , his cock popping free of Danny 's ass as he went down . The two lay in each other 's arms not saying a word . Each was just reliving a moment they had been hoping for all year . When CJ had finished washing him , Danny took the loofah and squirted a fresh dollop of body wash on it and washed all of CJ . Danny paid special attention to CJ 's now soft , but still huge cock . Danny would occasionally tilt his head up and he and CJ would kiss . When they had finished washing each other , the boys exited the shower and dried each other off . CJ then took Danny 's hand and led Danny into his , now their , bedroom . The two boys lay together on the bed and drifted off to sleep . CJ 's parents , on the other hand , did not know anything about Danny other than he was CJ 's roommate . CJ lived in constant fear of his parents finding out about his sexual orientation . He told Danny that he would come out to them only after he had his trust fund , which he would receive on his twenty - first birthday . Both boys jumped out of bed and grabbed their robes . CJ reached the door first . He was surprised when he opened it to see two Florida Highway Patrol officers at the door . CJ 's heart broke for Danny . The only family he had had just been taken from him . CJ could not imagine how he would feel if he lost his family . While he was not very close to his older brother and his younger sister , he was very close to his younger brother and could not imagine life without him . While Danny slept , CJ went through his address book and phone trying to see who he could contact for Danny . Eventually , he was able to reach the superintendent of the school district that Danny 's mother taught in . She was able to tell CJ who to contact about a funeral service and the details of the accident . Eventually , it was time for Danny to return home to say goodbye to his mother . CJ offered to come with him , but Danny felt it would be easier for him to return home and take care of everything . He thought he would only be gone a few days , a week at the most . CJ last heard from Danny on the night he left . Danny called to tell CJ that he had arrived in one piece and that the funeral was set for the next day and he would meet with his mom 's lawyer later that same day . He had to take care of the house , but planned to be home within a week . It was a couple weeks later when CJ arrived home to find that someone had been in the apartment . He entered excitedly calling for Danny . What he saw made his blood go cold . Every item of Danny 's had been removed from the apartment , as if Danny had never existed . " CJ , it 's me . I only came home long enough to get my stuff . There are some things that have come up and I need to take care of . I 'm sorry to do this to you , but I need to resolve this alone . I 've got my stuff and my truck , but I can 't take Angel with me . Please take care of her . I don 't know when or if I 'll be back . Right now , I 'm dealing with too much stuff to think clearly . Please know I love you and thank you for loving me . " Authors deserve your feedback . It 's the only payment they get . If you go to the top of the page you will find the author 's name . Click that and you can email the author easily . Please take a few moments , if you liked the story , to say so . [ For those who use webmail , or whose regular email client opens when they want to use webmail instead : Please right click the author 's name . A menu will open in which you can copy the email address to paste into your webmail system ( Hotmail , Gmail , Yahoo etc ) . Each browser is subtly different , each Webmail system is different , or we 'd give fuller instructions here . We trust you to know how to use your own system . If the email address pastes with % 40 in the middle , replace that with an @ sign . ] Top of page | Site Copyright © 1997 - 2017 IOMfAtS . All story and poetry copyrights are owned by their respective authors and their works are published under licence . All rights reserved . Reproduction of any part or element of this site is not permitted without a formal licence from the copyright owner . http : / / iomfats . org | Copyright , Disclaimer , Privacy Policy | Design concept by M EH | Powered by megaman
|
So , the headache , I realized is from a very busy week at work and too much upper body work . It happens each time , I should know this by now . . . . I wanted to go see " War Horse " last night , but given the state of my neck and upper back , absolutely no way that was happening , so I took a hot shower and got to bed early . It was good . Such nice weather yesterday , I was able to leave the dogs outside for a long time . If my neck is better , I may catch the movie this afternoon . Need some time out . But , I may not . I feel like I need a few days of rest . Holidays wear everyone out I guess . Today just have to hit the feed store , etc . , and do the normal stuff . I have to get rid of my big old tv . . . Best Buy will give you $ 10 . 00 for them , I am told . . . . . . . . . Supposed to get very cold next week ( I saw the forecast for high of 23 degrees on Tues ) . I dread that . I will have to wear all my warm packs just to handle it . But , the four laps which I am now doing in one shot , tend to warm me up well , and I don 't suffer from the cold so much . Feet ? We will see about that . I think the exercise has improved my circulation too . It has certainly improved my demeanor and my attitude . That 's very good . I would like to get out other places to work Dan , but need to save my pennies for now . I have to get a delivery of oil . . . Joy . So , here we are , just about to 2012 , and what have you planned for next year ? I just plan to LIVE ! Maybe a few goals here and there , but get in better shape , keep good care of my animals , and keep my family close ! Well , have a nice New Year 's Eve everyone ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I got this picture , and all credit due to keep em going website . This is Dan 's dad Glen who passed away a couple years ago . Glen is the dog who turned me on to Border Collies , and indeed if I did not see him work with Warren I probably would still not have one , so I do owe both Glen and Warren a big debt of gratitude . He was a wonderful dog , and I remember , one time I mentioned to Warren how much I liked him , and he replied " I 'd take another " which from Warren is high praise indeed . I see lots of Glen in Dan . Just what I wanted . Back to waking up at 3 : 30 am . This stinks . Need more sleep . Maybe tonight . . . I did get the new cable box hooked up and the sound and picture are better . That 's nice . Even though it was darn cold yesterday , I stuck with my 4 laps around the field . Danny will from now on be walking behind me like Lucy on my walks . I have had it with him getting in front of me , running ahead , running back to me and turning back ad nauseum . It 's a stupid habit and just irritating ! Lucy walks nicely behind me , so can he . I did work Dan yesterday . I used two of the old girls and two yearlings . One of the old girls did not want to stay with the others , and and yearling hung back with her , do Dan got practice on dealing with keeping everyone together . He was not a bit mentally tired after that work though . Maybe I need to feed him poor food , maybe Beneful ? Just kidding ! I have a mondo headache this morning - the residual from the start of a migraine when I got up this morning . Too much going on at work . I will be so happy when work calms down . Today I will just do basic things , and try and just take a rest at some point . . . . That 's it for now ! Up and at em early again today . Need to drop the cable box off and trade for a high def box - as I got a new lcd tv for Christmas , and apparently , it 's much better if you have high def signal coming in . . . So far , the image is not great , so let 's hope it improves . I love that the new tvs are so much smaller . . . . All that bulk with the old ones , just leaves lots of space for dust to collect . . . . I have oft times considered not having a tv to save the expense , but I get so much out of the nature shows I watch , as well as others , like " The Closer " that I just don 't want to give it up . . . . I am happy with how our weather is so far this winter . Not bad at all . Am feeding a small amount of grain and a bale of hay , which is less hay than I planned for . Still , I wonder if my hay supply will get me through . . . I wonder . There is just a smidgen of hay left each day , which is exactly how I want it to be . I don 't want to leave them wanting . One thing that is remarkable , is how much more water these girls are drinking this year , I think that is due to no snow on the ground . I use a hose to fill it up , but the girls seem to knock the hose down every time . . . I think they are hanging out in the little room or something . I know the Border Leicester ewes go in the barn looking for food . On the news front , several people were killed in a Christmas day fire , caused by a man leaving embers from the fireplace too near the house . Killed three girls , and the two grandparents . The mother of the girls and her contractor ( who left the embers there ) survived . I can 't stress enough to be CAREFUL with embers / fire . I am so cognizant of that . I found an old night light , that has been in the house since before I bought it , and I am afraid to use it for fear it will short out and cause a fire . On the fire front , I know people find wood burning stoves romantic and " hearty " but you know , I have no interest in that . I have kept them going , I have cleaned them out and I know the work , plus the smell , and constant up keep associated with it . What I would mPosted by Here is a short video of Dan helping me . I shall , one of these days get video of doing this without his help . That should be very interesting . He 's a useful dog , and the hungrier the sheep get the more he 's needed . Today I did my four laps again , cleaned out the barn a bit and also pulled some grass like weed that my sheep will not eat in the other field . Very short roots so it was easy . I also hit the store and got some Fancy Feast cat food cheap on sale and a scratcher for boy kitty , and had a $ 10 . 00 coupon if I spent $ 50 . 00 , and bill came to $ 50 . 49 . Not bad eh ? My sister and I met for lunch and used our Applebee 's gift certificates . Had a nice steak with mashed potatoes and squash . . . . mmmmm . Tonight just some scrambled eggs . I am sitting here in my new deer foam slippers that my sister gave me for Christmas . LOVE them ; they keep my feet , and thusly ME warm . Been a good day , I would say ! Did four laps around the field . After talking with my brother , I learned that one lap is close to half a mile , so that means . . . almost two miles ! I did three and then took care of sheep and did one more . Dogs would go all day long with those . I am definitely feeling A LOT more energetic and just in general " better " and healthier . I am getting a lot done and tackling onerous tasks that I probably would never get to , if I didn 't feel this energetic . Sheep were so happy today , don 't know what got into them , but all the Cheviots just galloped around the field today , and the ram stotted a long way as he ran by me . Then , when they stopped two Cheviots head butted each other just as an exclamation point I guess . Makes me happy to see them so happy . The rest of this week - need to get some stuff at the feed store , and perhaps finally get that barn room raked out , and hay laid down in there . So , that 's it , just wanted to share my happy exercise news : ) Well , another Christmas in the books . It was very nice - both Christmas eve , and Christmas day . Spent it with the family . Watched some football Christmas eve , and ate way too much food . The egg nog . . . That 's what did me in . Christmas day half of it I spent in bed recovering from my over indulgence ! Christmas eve day was nice , as I did my laps and worked Dan . Christmas day , I got there late , but I did take a video of my tiny flock enjoying their hay - which got to them late ( remember I was in bed for half the day ! ) . I think they look good . I think they are definitely better than last year . I am finally getting to the point where I know what I want them to look and feel like . Oh , and my ear ? All better , thanks to a good Dr , and a simple treatment . I can 't believe how much louder everything sounds . This week will be a normal week , trying to get Dan worked a bit , and get out to E 's place . Gotta do that . Well , that 's it for now , hopefully everyone had a great Christmas ! Christmas shopping that is . Still have to get a few more things . Just could not decide what to get for a few people . I did enjoy the complete turmoil I saw in the guys buying for their girls - at Jewelry stores . I bet the Jewelry stores LOVE it right about now , when guys give up and just throw a lot of money at something shiny and expensive . . . . . . . Gotta love Christmas ; ) I have another appt for my ear today , and I hope we can get this resolved . If the same thing happens in my other ear , I will need hearing aids . . . Did my three laps yesterday . Didn 't work Dan , but plan to later today . Oh , one thing that happened the other day that I wanted to share - I sent Dan to get the sheep , blew into my whistle and NOTHING no noise at ALL . It was clogged with what I think was a piece of hay . I could not get it to work at all , until I washed it . So , word to the wise , make sure your whistle works before you step to the post ! No dog work for Dan at E 's place to day , have to work . Extreme bummer . One other thing is that I have this ear thing . At first it was just a feeling of a muffled ear , like water in the ear . It has gotten worse and now my ear hurts . Went to ENT office , they cleaned my ears , which did not fix it . I then went back , had a hearing test and they found reduced hearing in my right ear . Great . I still think it 's just an issue of an inflammation some where . But the test showed no pressure in Eustachian tube . Great again . This morning lots of pressure in the ear and I cannot hear out of my right ear ( the tv ) . This is not good . Have an appointment with my allergist tomorrow . He 's a sage older guy who knows his stuff , let 's hope this gets dealt with . I am also a little dizzy . Today , since I am around I will get my Christmas shopping done . That will be good . Will work Dan a bit and exercise ( did not do that yesterday ) . So , the countdown until Christmas pretty much starts today for me . Looking forward to some good meals with my family , and then , next week getting back to usual . Can 't wait to just be able to sleep in ! Twas a good day yesterday . Although I was more tired than I thought I would be at the end of the day , that just meant earlier to bed . I do like living alone sometimes ! Did my three laps and even considered a fourth , but figured I would do a few more days of the three , before adding on . I definitely feel more toned , but I would not say I have lost weight , just yet . . . . . Worked Dan yesterday , spent a lot of time getting the sheep in the barn ; they just don 't want to go , but it 's good practice for us in penning because I do all the jumping and gyrating I will do some day at a trial and he has to stay calm ; ) I then worked him on the Cheviot yearlings - BOY do they work nice - not too light , and require forethought on his part . All the sheep are in good nick , and so far , just one bail of hay and half a scoop of grain . I think it 's cheaper to feed hay plus a bit of grain than just hay , due to the exorbitant prices of hay . I think this hay is decent too , because that is not a lot of grain for 11 sheep . . . . Ram took a couple runs at Dan yesterday in the barn , but Dan does not seem worried at all about it . I will have to watch that ram . He may just be fearful , but I won 't have a pita animal around . Got a little more house work done yesterday , and then tomorrow I take off to work dogs and then on Friday , yes , Friday , go Christmas shopping . I know , so late . I just could not do it earlier because of the lack of money . It will be gift card palooza anyway , so it won 't be tough to do . Well , that 's it for now ! That down time on Sunday did real wonders - I came home last night and started cleaning . I started in the spare room . I ended up pulling all the books off the book shelf , vacuuming the books , the shelf and moved it and vacuumed where it was . I put it in place of a dresser I had on the other wall . It looks much better there . Then I vacuumed some more - behind the computer , etc . I also dusted . Still not done , but a heck of a lot better . I then went on to the bathroom . I went to town on that , and scrubbed everything ( again , not quite done , but got areas that are missed a lot ) . Will continue on both rooms today . Thank goodness for that day of rest on Sunday ! Today it 's nice and warm , and I think the rest of the week will not be cold . No white Christmas this year ! Sheep are good , may work Dan today , may not . I did do my three laps yesterday . I can 't believe how much more energy I have . I stay up much later , and also sleep better . Well , better get to it ! Boy did I need it . I spent yesterday not doing much , save for watching football and some great Big Cat programs on Nat Geo . Lots of very interesting behaviors , and I realize now that I should have been an animal behaviorist . . . . . . . . Oh well . Would have , should have , could have , and if , as my mom would say : ) Dogs were remarkably calm for a day just chilling out . Today it will be a bit warmer so back on to normal schedule . Three laps today ! Have to to that . I would like to keep increasing as much as time allows . This week will consist of working Dan , getting Christmas shopping done , and who knows what else . More down time would be nice : ) ) I think one thing I am going to do is to help my mother make Krum kakker , which is a Norwegian butter cookie that is well , OUTSTANDING . Pretty much all Norwegian cookies are butter based - I read last week that there is a butter shortage in Norway - THE HORROR ! This is when they need it the most ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! The cookies I want to make take a special iron to make them and a wooden rolling tool . So , I need to get up to speed on this , and I can 't learn any younger ! Find myself wanting to spend more time at my parents ' lately . Maybe because I just realize we are all aging , and I really want to enjoy them while I have them . I think this year , I may actually put out the bird feeder . . . . . . I haven 't done that in a few years , but I miss the birds . . . . . BUT , there is a big Red Tailed Hawk that seems to hunt just behind my back yard . . . . Maybe I ought to re - think that . . . . . . . . . Well , that 's it for now , I hope everyone has a good pre - holiday week ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Good Lord it 's cold out . I went to the farm and even though I did do only one lap with the dogs , I had to go to the car to warm up before I fed the sheep . BRRRRR . I fed them , stopped at my parents ' and then came home . I got up way to early today , and now I need some rest . I need a good long nap . . . . Big week ahead and I just want to put my head under the covers and wait for it to be over ! ! ! This pairing has come to signify my day off . I make regular pancakes , and then put a bit of butter on them , a little strawberry jam and then roll them up . Could not be better . Coffee is a must , and always makes this breakfast perfect . Today will be a down time day . I am desperate for one of these . Yesterday was another productive day at the farm . I pulled a still loaded with leaves / branches tarp that I folded up into the ramp part of the barn ( that was exhausting ) and also set up the heater , and blocked off the ramp of the barn with some particle board and plywood . I then did three laps around the field , which is great . I am starting to feel a difference in my energy level and I am sleeping better . My hips are still just as frumpy though . . . . . . . Maybe they are a tiny bit smaller , I don 't know . . . . I stopped at my parents and helped dad get the tree off the top of the car , then I headed home and made a steak dinner . Haven 't had that very often because the market is only selling bad cuts of meat . . . Anyway , the steak turned out awesome , and all the dogs got some left over with their dinnners . Dan turned three years old yesterday , I cannot believe how time flies . Today will be cleaning day at the house as well as usual sheep stuff . I have not even started Christmas shopping yet . . . . . . . . . . . . More and more these days , I deeply feel that life is short , and family is so very precious . Yes , we may not all get along all the time , but in the end , family is really all you 've got - and sometimes , good long standing friends fall into that category , but not always . . . In any case , if you have persons you love , you need to show it . You need to show it by putting them before yourself . Every holiday now for almost 30 years , I have worked all the holidays - Christmas Eve , Christmas Day , Thanksgiving , Easter , well , maybe not every day , but 99 % of them . Working with animals , you don 't get holidays . They need to eat / be cleaned on schedule . However , I ALWAYS make sure that I am with my family on the holidays , thankfully we eat at normal dinner time . Anyway , I am usually beat , but I make it there . This year , I really could just skip it , but as I sit in the recliner watching all that goes on - nephews chatting , opening presents , mom talking to sister , dad chatting about the various work he 's been doing , I sort of revel in it , at first , it was contrived - this revelling , but now , I truly see that this will not be forever . My parents just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary and have been starting to show their age a bit , and things are going to wind down , I know it . I made a post on FB on Thanksgiving that I was going to skip Thanksgiving ( I was just venting , as it was an exhausting day at work ) and my brother relayed that to my mother , who called me several times , very upset . I told her I wouldn 't miss it , and I was just venting . She said " Thanksgiving wouldn 't be Thanksgiving without you " . See ? Everyone in the family is cherished - even me , the sink ( single no kids ) person . Holidays are more than just us taking time away from our lives to celebrate a holiday , it 's a chance to spend time with the ones you love , and realize just how important they are . I know all about the difficulties of trying to take care of animals , and go away for holidays . I have always figured it out . If I had family that was say , 4 - 5 hours away , I woPosted by Yesterday was a good day . When I got to the farm , first thing I did was a lap around the field . It 's a little over a 1 / 4 mile per lap , I think . Anyway , I did that , then sorted sheep for Dan to work . Worked Dan just on driving ; he did well , and then fed the sheep and then started on the projects I mentioned earlier . Got the water moved near the barn , found that my brother had turned the power back on - YES ! Heat tape is plugged in and heater ready to be used . Just need another extension cord and we 're set for water for winter . I also tackled a way to keep the door between two rooms open and at the same time closed to another room ( lots of rooms for the sheep ! ) . Finally settled on a nail and some baling twine . After many misplacements of the nail I finally got it right . Will be good , now I don 't have to use gardening implements to keep door closed ; ) After I did that stuff , I did two more laps around the field . Was really feeling it after the third . This is good . Just what I need to do . We then left and I stopped and picked up a few things I needed , and then home . It was a productive day - those I love . Today it 's raining . Hopefully not too hard later so I can do my walking . Well , that 's it for now ! Time has been flying . I still have to clean my house - did a little , but by God , it 's been really hard to get to it . I almost want to hire someone at this point . Everything is good , paid the hay guy , so that 's done . I have to get the heaters set up still , as brother turned the power off to the outlet I used last year . I plan to get that done today , bring more extension cords , and move the water closer to the barn . I could leave it by the spigot outside the fence , but I am afraid it will freeze ( it did last year ) . So , I will have to figure that out . Dan and I went to my friends on the weekend again . Getting lots of good training in . Dan is such a good boy . I would say we are a little over half way on the shedding part . I want him to come in behind me , but he is adverse to it . . . I need to get my Alasdair shedding dvd back so I can watch it . . . . . . Anyway , I am happy with his progress thus far - happy to come in , which is the most important . This week had nothing special , but now each day has a little something extra in it . Time just seems to fill up . Still no Christmas shopping done . I guess I am just being a bad procrastinator in general lately ! Christmas is next weekend , so I best be getting it done . . . . Well , that 's my update for now , I hope everyone is having a nice pre - holiday season ! Here is a video in which you miss the punch line . . . . . We had left some sheep in the small pen and just wanted to work the loose group . I had a bear of a time getting Dan to leave those penned sheep . After I * finally * got him to leave them , the loose sheep ran back to the penned sheep and when Dan went to bring them to me , they busted down the front of the pen . You can hear me say at the end how I would now never get him to leave those pen sheep . Dan must have been very proud of his super powers ! PS : At the end we are working on shedding . Dan is still learning , and my LIE DOWN was to prevent him from circling the sheep back to me and the others ! He 's coming in nice now though . All day yesterday , I was worried . A small winter storm was due to come in , and I could not get to the farm until much later than I would like to have . As it was , I didn 't even stop at the house on the way to the farm . I just hate when I break schedule for my animals . Anyway , I got there , and dropped down a bale of hay , and then got some grain . I had no dog , so getting the grain to the sheep consisted of me waving my arms frantically and running about crazy - like , to get the sheep to give me room . . . . Would have been funny , I bet if someone saw it ; ) Anyway , after that was done I opened up the small door for the sheep and as I came out with the hay , everyone was already in . Now , it had been raining ALL day and the previous night , so I wanted them to come in out of the rain if they chose . . . I got the bale divvied up and they dug in way faster than normal - an irritation at myself rose up . I just can 't be doing that . . . . Anyway , I left them with their hay , and the barn available and they seemed quite content . When I got home , the dogs were nuts . Everyone wanted to do something , well , not everyone - Danny and Lucy did , but it was raining so hard , it never happened . I fell asleep pretty early , wondering how much snow was actually going to come . As it turned out it was just a dusting . Thank goodness . I am going to move the water tank over and set up the extension cords for the heat tape and the water heater . It is supposed to get cold , but then I see next week , the highs will be in the upper 40s . That will be great ! Tomorrow I finally finish paying for the hay I bought and maybe just maybe get a little shopping done . Nephews are all getting gift cards , they are old enough that toys are not an option . . . . . Oh , one cool thing , my oldest nephew appears to be in line for an internship at ESPN next summer . Is that cool or what ? He 's an excellent writer and has been writing for various newspapers for about a year now ( he 's 20 ) . I hope he get something really great out of that experience , he is very talented . How a Kelpie saved our ChristmasCopyright Julie WilliamsMany years ago , I 'd say about 1970 , my family had a big farm . On thatfarm we raised all sorts of animals - cows , sheep , goats , chickens , ducks , you name it , at one time we had it . We got our eggs from thechickens , meat from the cows , milk from the goats and cows , and my momspun sweaters from the wool we got from our sheep . We had a tv thatgot one channel . We would play hide and seek in the barn , go on walksin the woods , and sometimes stay up late telling ghost stories . Yep , life for us kids was good then . Mom would make us breakfast every morning before school - we always hadeggs and toast and cereal - this was the BEST breakfast , and we lovedit . Dad would always eat after he fed the animals , he always said " animals get fed first , we eat after they are fed " . He got up realearly to feed the animals and clean their pens . He also milked thecows and goats . Mom collected the eggs , and washed them , weighed them , and put some in containers to sell , and kept some aside for us . Whenwe finished breakfast we high tailed it to school . We walked to thebus stop , which really was a mile away . School was boring ; we alwayslonged to get home and play our games . When we got home from school , we had chores to do . Us kids had to feed the animals , which I loved . Ialways loved taking care of animals . One time dad caught me walking onthe goat 's hay , and asked me if I would like him to walk on my food ? Isaid no , and never did that again . The goats were my favorite - theyall knew just when to come out of the pen to get milked , and they werereally cute babies . We had French Alpines . My brothers and sistersand I had a ball playing with the babies . We even had big rocksbrought in so the goats could climb on them . My parents always had dogs . I loved dogs since I could remember . Iused to play with them , teach them tricks , feed them , brush them . Iguess my love for them started when I grew up on that farm . Dad neversaw the need for a herding dog - like one of them Border Collies - hedidn 't undPosted by I have started doing an extra loop around the pasture . I have to . I am looking decidedly frumpy and I need to lose some poundage . What I do is walk around , then work Dan and do chores , and before we leave one more circuit . I can feel it , so it must be good , right ? No real goals , just see where I end up . . . Got the big room all cleaned out , pretty much yesterday . Still some small chocks of wood here and there , but mainly it just needs a good raking to look for any trash , etc . , and then it 's safe for sheep entry . I was keeping hay down there , but it got rained on , through the broken panes of window glass , so need to deal with that with plastic . Got home last night and was a bit sore , and I felt like I had ticks on me so took a shower . I was pretty beat last night , and didn 't get to watch NCIS , bummer . There is a 1 day clinic this weekend that I would like to take Dan to , but I am not sure I can go , it will depend . I have to get foot warmers , that I know , if I decide to stand out in the cold . I couldn 't believe how hard it was raining this morning . Instantly , I thought of the sheep . I have their entrance blocked off , but I keep thinking I should allow them in there , even if it isn 't quite freezing rain . . . . I don 't feed them in there , so they won 't stay long . . . . I can 't believe how different Ginger kitty is . Since being on the pro - biotics , she is normal with her gut , and more active . She even attempted to sharpen her claws on the carpet . It 's just amazing . Fancy Feast , pro - biotics , and Hills ID as a filler seems to work for her . She 's skinny as all get out , but I suspect that comes from her long duration of being ill . I can 't believe Christmas is around the corner . Have done no shopping . It 's not really any big deal anyway , because it 's all gift cards , but money has to be there to buy them : ) It will get done , like it always does , some how . . . . Well , that 's it for now , I hope everyone is well ! Thanks everyone for entering the give away ! ! ! ! Last nice day for a while yesterday . Nice and warm . When I got to the farm , did the usual walk with the dogs , and then worked Dan on the lambs . They are moving away from the side I send him , so that does not help with his over running on the away ; ) The only way to solve this is to just do outruns with someone holding sheep , and manage him until he pays attention . Perhaps have the hold out person move them toward the right as he comes in , something like that . . . . . . . We did enough work , that he actually jumped in the water tub . . . See , it was nice out ! After I worked him I put some of the wasted hay into piles to deal with - I want to see what they are / are not eating from this new delivery - I am not that happy with it , but I have decreased grain enough that in a couple days it will just be hay , and then I will truly see how they are doing with it . Got a bit more cleaning done in the big room in the barn , but still have more to go , and I have to get the extension cords to for the heat tape and the de - icer . Supposed to start getting really cold this weekend . I hate working in freezing weather . So , will get this stuff done tonight . When I got home last night , I cleaned the gutters . They were filled with those helicopter seed pods - billions of them . I have never seen so many . After that , I had to take my nephew to the orthodontist and we got to see lots of really nice Christmas lights . I would like to thank everyone who does that , puts a smile on my face . Well , that 's it for now . . . That means " Don 't speak English " in Spanish . Apparently , Dan lost either his hearing or his comprehension of my whistles , or both . I went to a friend 's place to work him . First , we worked on shedding , he did well - once I remembered to look at the sheep I wanted to shed . I am really not good at remembering things . . . . Then , we went to another field with a small group of sheep and left the main flock next door , to my left as I stood at one end of the field . E held the sheep for me , and I sent Dan away . He was good on his outrun , but over ran , for some reason he does not pay attention on that away side like he should ( working with the lambs is helping him , but my regular sheep ruin any form of lift ) . So , he over ran , and then came in at the over ran angle and moved the sheep way off line to the right side drive away panels . I whistled and I whistled , NO HABLES INGLES , Dan said . He ended up bringing them nicely through those drive panes . OY VEY . I then went to the opposite side of the field , sent him come by and his lift was spot on , so freaking nice . He then got them going but had no pace , and just tailed them down on the fetch . I then decided to work on some flanks a bit closer on the fetch and he took them . Wow , nothing like going some where different and seeing what you weak spots are . Then , we worked on pulling the sheep off the fence , as they were just sticking there looking to be with the main flock . Dan starts his flanks nice , but zoomed through between them and fence , and I forgot I am supposed to lay him down on the fence once he gets them off . We repeated this action until he was tired , and then we got some good calm fence pulling . We then worked on a Maltese cross and Dan didn 't have much finesse at first ( as in he lurched at them ) but then we got it . Lots to work on . The pen stuff I can do with the barn . The fence I can do at home , but the appropriate lift / fetch flanks I have to work with someone who can hold sheep . We certainly have our work cut out for us . So , that 's that for now ! Meant to do it last night , but got home too late . I have all your names in a scoop on folded paper ( happen to have an extra feed scoop ) . Scoop is sitting on my lap . Will pull a name out now , not peaking . . . . . . . . And , the winner is . . . . . . . . Diane ! Congrats Diane can you leave me your email in the comments section ? I will then contact you and get your snail mail . Thanks everyone for playing : ) I got my check for the ewe I dropped off at the auction . She was LIGHT . Only 115 lbs . I knew she was too thin . Now , she was the smallest of the group to start with , but that 's way too light . Healthy looking except for her weight . That money will come in handy as I need to get some more sheep supplies . I think one of the ewes may be looking for her . You know , it didn 't really bother me , sending her on . I think because I knew she wasn 't right and if I can 't fix it , I don 't her languishing . I take a lot of pride in good care . Dan had a right good time yesterday . No , I did not work him , I pulled up the hose . OH . . MY . . GOD ! ! ! ! ! he says . Every time she pulls it I can bite at it . And it KEEPS moving ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! YEEEHAW ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! After I did that , I cleaned up in the hay drop area of the barn and he and Lucy ran around having a gay old time . I still have the sheep room ( where I will put jugs if lambs are produced ) I say that because I don 't know if this ram is actually creating lambs or just having a good time . . . He 's certainly giving his all but everyone looks blue all the time , except that is for a couple of the Cheviot yearlings , who I WANT pregnant more than the others . The ewe lambs have not been touched . I have been told that most times Cheviot ewe lambs do not breed the first year , so I am not surprised . I have to start weaning off the grain . Though , it is tempting to keep them on , because with the grain they are on , they are not even eating one whole bale of hay , and believe it or not , grain is cheaper than hay . But , no grain for now frees me up to be away a bit , and I would surely like to get away for a bit of training with Dan . Life 's been a bit way too boring lately . I may try and get a group of yearling / lamb Cheviots at John 's and bring them up to the back field to break them . They need to be away from the barn , because at the sight of a dog they run pell mell for the barn , and there is no fence to stop them . Plus , the horses are there , and one is a stallion and one is a witchy mare who will stomp a dog . I hate marPosted by I thought long and hard about the give away . It was hard to come up with something everyone might be interested in . Some may ask , why I am doing this ? Well , simply put , because in the spirit of giving , and maybe that has a little bit to do with the Holiday coming , I wanted to share some thing with all my loyal readers . So , here 's what 's on offer , you pick either one . # 1 Is a gift card for $ 25 . 00 to Tractor Supply or , # 2 A $ 25 . 00 gift certificate to Border Collies in Action . In order to be entered to win , you just need to comment in the comment section . Once I get at least 10 comments I will put your names in a hat , and will draw . Once the winner is selected , I will announce it on the blog and I will give you my email so you can give me your snail mail address . In your comment , please mention what is your fancy , # 1 or # 2 . The comments are moderated because of spam , but all comments will be approved . Of course more than 10 folks can comment , I just want to keep the minimum to 10 .
|
I 'll give her points . I 'm a huge fan of the Dusk series . That is to say I 'm a huge closet fan . I wouldn 't be caught dead reading one in public , but who doesn 't want to fall in love with a gorgeous guy who 's going to live forever and cater only to your every need ? That said I 'm not an idiot . I realize vampires aren 't real . " Oh well . You won 't be needing these then , " she said . She laid a paper - clipped packet down on my bed and left without saying anything else . " I 'm still not going ! " I yelled , more for effect than any sort of real threat . I 'm barely sixteen . I mean I can drive around , but - and I say this with so much regret - there 's no way I could live out of my car . The packet and I had a standoff for a while , but they won eventually , as my mother knew they would . When I scanned the first page , I laughed a little because they were printouts from a website . My mother , the Betty Crocker who can barely work a cellphone , managed to go online and print information from about six different websites . Color me impressed . Once I had thrown away all the pages that were just Web ads , I started to read the bulk of the material . Apparently we were moving to a town called Terrace Park . Terrace Park , Indiana . A few of the more detail - oriented pages included a map for those of us who don 't know what Google Earth is . Terrace Park , Indiana , is located in Knox county about twenty minutes from the Illinois border to the west and about an hour and a half from the Kentucky border to the south . And it has a vampire . I 'll try and give you the abbreviated version . In the 1800s , a village in southern Indiana had a series of unexplained deaths . Each victim was found completely exsanguinated - drained of blood , definitely had to look that one up . At first wolves got the blame for the attacks , but according to legend , the true answer was more devious . Indiana had a vampire problem . Well , one anyway . The villagers called him Ivaylo - the Wolf . Then in 1843 the legend takes a decidedly literary turn . An earthquake struck . This village , which is now Terrace Park , was decimated . The earthquake 's intensity even caused the White River to split . The village of Terrace Park was now situated in between two branches of the same river . Popular lore states that a vampire cannot cross running water . This was a problem for both the surviving villagers and Ivaylo . The remaining few couldn 't leave ; the river was too high . The vampire couldn 't leave . Ever . Apparently a village elder struck a deal with the Wolf and the decision was this : the villagers would feed the vampire if he promised to harm no one who lived in between the rivers . Blah , blah , blah , a hundred and so years later the promise is still kept . So that 's pretty cool . I mean Ivaylo 's no Ambrose Singleton - the vampire from Dusk in case you live under a rock . What are the odds that an old vampire nicknamed the Wolf is going to want to pamper me with poetry and angst ? Nil . But my mom still scores points for trying . The events leading up to the move aren 't particularly noteworthy , so I 'll spare you the details . Suffice it to say we made it to Terrace Park in one piece . I figured I 'd ride out the next few days before I had to restart school . I asked mom why we couldn 't wait until after Christmas , but I guess my dad was in high demand . How was my dad in high demand in the middle of nowhere , you ask ? Corn . Across the river from where I 'm now living , they have this grain plant that turns corn into alcohol or something . Basically our dependence on foreign oil is responsible for my life being turned around . But back to just hanging out in my room . That first night , the very first night we 're there , Dad tells me we have to go have dinner with his boss and asks me to please look respectable . I wore the lowest cut top I own . I mean , hey , it looks good , and if I can embarrass my dad in the process , well that might just go a little way toward us being even . Spoiler Alert : This plan backfires . Coming up with no suitable retort I said , " No , sir , " and continued into the house , my parents making excuses for my behavior already . I kept walking in because I thought that 's what I was supposed to do , and then I run straight into the most gorgeous guy I 've ever seen in real life . I mean I don 't want to sound like a complete fangirl here , but we 're talking Ambrose Singleton 's werewolf nemesis , Isaac Sable . Aside from the boy standing in front of me not being any part Indiana - and I doubt werewolf either - he looked just like what I imagined Isaac would look like . Tall , dark , athletic , he definitely had it all . " No shit ! " Yes . I cursed right in front of my dad 's new boss . I managed to almost recover , explaining that I had been trying to guess his name before she told me and I got a little overzealous when I found out I was right . And boy does it get worse . I must have looked mortified , and if I didn 't look mortified then , I did when I saw Isaac looking at me with this grin . ( Sure it was a cute grin , but I really , really didn 't want to blush any more . ) I just nodded , hoping that I gave a sufficient evil eye to my mother . To my credit , I finally caught a break by saying , " I 'd be on board with either of them . " In fact , I got quite a laugh out of that line , and if I wasn 't mistaken , I think I even got a wink from Isaac . Maddie : 1 ; Awkward Dinner : 50 . Mr . Adams then told me about this group called " The Consortium of the Curious . " ( I know , lame name , but bear with me . ) He said that if I liked vampires I should go to their next meeting . Apparently they were going after Ivaylo . Really the only other thing to note about that dinner is that afterward , before I left , Isaac cornered me on the way out and said , " You really shouldn 't go to that thing . It 's just a few nerds . You should come out with me . There 's a party on Friday . I have a feeling you 'd rather me introduce you to people than my dad . " I guess a hundred years from now if you 're reading this you 'd probably want to know a little about me because here I am on the verge of committing social suicide . You 'd probably be asking yourself whether or not I actually am a nerd . At my old school , I was a jock . Sort of . I play soccer . But my old school was huge . I was popular ; don 't get me wrong , but I still had a small group of friends . Bottom line : I am a nerd , but I like sports too . You can see my dilemma already . Because I did decide to go to that meeting and no one showed . There I am in Mr . Adams room , and it 's empty . I panicked for a second because I thought maybe I just had the wrong room . I started to leave when Mr . Adams comes running in . He 's out of breath , and I can tell something is wrong . Then he told me that the leader of the group , a boy named Michael , slipped into some kind of coma . He was in the hospital . He offered to drive me over . He said that the whole group - I sort of wish they 'd stop calling themselves a group because when one of them is down for the count it 's really just a trio - was over in Michael 's room . He changed my mind . " Listen , I know this is a strange position for you to be in , " he said , " but the thing is , they don 't have a lot of friends here at school . I 'm not going to twist your arm or anything , but I really think you should go . I 'm going to swing by on my way home . You could follow me in your car . I 'll introduce you . " He paused . Thought about something for a moment and said , " To be honest , they could use someone like you . " When we arrived at the hospital , only two people were in Michael 's room . The boy was slightly chubby , but in that football linebacker kinda way ; the girl was cute , but you could tell she didn 't notice . And at some point , we 'll have to do something about that skirt . It 's not ugly or anything , but I 'll let her wear it again when she 's forty . I learned that this was Tyler and Karen . Half of the Consortium . Ben , who Karen had said in a defensive but not unfriendly way was her boyfriend , had taken Michael 's parents to the cafeteria . Apparently eating hadn 't been on the agenda . Mr . Adams made the introductions and left ; Karen eyed me suspiciously ; and Tyler eyed me . Don 't worry . It was cuter than it was creepy . And at that moment , I had no idea what I was doing there . In my haste to be polite , and to be perfectly frank ignore the elephant in the room , I hadn 't even looked at the ringleader yet . And maybe I shouldn 't have . Lying there in that hospital bed was Ambrose Singleton or how I imagined him to be - slightly tall , fair - skinned but not in that sickly way , dark brown hair , and skinny , but again the healthy kind . I imagined his blue eyes trapped behind his eyelids , begging to open . This wasn 't love at first sight ; I think that takes two , and it wasn 't lust as I 'm not sure my hormones are ready for that sort of hyperdrive just yet . This was good old infatuation . I like to think of it as one - sided puppy love at first sight , but that 's a mouthful . My heart sank when I saw the flowers by his bed . I made small talk with the other two , while as stealthfully as possible walking toward them . Wouldn 't it figure ? Ambrose in the flesh and he 's eternally queer . Not only that , his boyfriend must be the sweetest boy ever because the card had a poem . I 'm pretty sure I 'll never forget what it said : I felt weird just standing there . I felt weirder because this was like some reverse Sleeping Beauty . Once the thought of leaning over and kissing him to complete the wake up process entered my mind I asked Tyler , " Do you think I should leave ? " My heart did one of those verbs that are used to describe bird 's wings . Take your pick . I couldn 't say anything . Tyler answered for me . Audio Challenge So I 've been doing a lot of thinking , and a lot of this thinking is taking place in my car . As an experiment , I 've turned my car stereo into a library . The rationale being that I can listen to the cadence of books during my commute . I know a lot of you out there - myself included - use music as inspiration while you write . Now I hope none of you are writing in your notebook while your driving , so I can assume you have a free ear . My challenge , therefore , is for all of you writery types out there to use your car stereos as writing coaches . I highly recommend listening to books that are not in the genre you 're choosing to write in . While this certainly isn 't a requirement , I find it immensely helpful . You , after all , don 't want to steal someone 's voice no matter how subconscious the theft might be . Furthermore , you don 't really run the risk of turning your cozy mystery into a hard - boiled thriller just by listening . This is a spinoff of John Sanford 's " Prey " series . If you like realistic settings , quirky characters , and a little bit of dark mystery , then this is totally for you . Suggestion the second : If you like completely unrealistic dialogue ( but in a great way ) , quirky characters , and light mystery , then this is definitely for you . Also , I read the first three books and listened to the fourth on audio . I 've not read any others since . The narrator is that good . In fact , I went back and started the series again solely by CD this time . So that 's the challenge . Take it or leave it . But whatever you do , I 'm going to continue because this is one challenge that is so easy it feels like I should have been doing this all of my life . " What 's the big deal ? " he said . Karen had texted him from the car and asked him to wait . He got into the backseat with Karen . His arms glistened with sweat . The car seemed , all at once , to smell better . An Adidas cologne lingered in the air , but only a hint . Ben wasn 't one to make the common mistake of over spraying . " Let me get this straight , " Ben said . " You guys think that whatever happened to the cow happened to this guy in the paper . You 're basing that off of a vision Michael and Tyler saw in the woods when we were fourteen ? " Everyone nodded , and had they been standing they all would have collectively bowed their heads and kicked imaginary cans . " Cool , " he said finally . " It 's at least better than going to those haunted houses Mikey finds . Those weirdos are nuts . How are we going to find the body ? " Michael gave Tyler directions to Japheth 's house . Japheth lived out on rural route 450 - the opposite side of town from the Willis farm , though the terrain all looked the same . Once outside of Terrace Park all one was likely to see was corn , soy beans , or pasture . The house sat right off the road . Michael had only been there once , and the house itself was not anything like what he would have imagined . It was small , and sad . Michael figured that Japheth would live in some sort of mystery manor paid for by Barnabas 's fortune . Japheth had explained that when his mother died , his father didn 't want to leave the house and his grandfather had insisted on moving in . The situation led to three men living in a two bedroom house . That sort of thing worked for sitcoms ; in real life , however , it just wasn 't that funny . A finger tapped the passenger side window . No one screamed , but everyone tensed up . Michael rolled down the window and a black - clad Japheth stuck his head in . " You didn 't tell me you were bringing backup . " " Just came back from the morgue , darling , " Japheth said . He smiled and then a strange look appeared on his face , not unlike the kind cops get on TV shows when they realize that someone very dangerous has infiltrated a group . " I 'm going to need to speak with Micky alone . " Japheth opened the passenger door , grabbed Michael by the arm , and escorted him out of the car . As Michael kicked the door shut with his foot , he heard Ben ask , " Did he just call him Micky ? " Japheth led Michael to the back of his house . A pair of motion - sensored lights illuminated the backyard . Michael felt like an escaped con . " Did you just call me Micky ? " Michael asked . " Yeah . Sounds better , " Japheth said and hurried Michael around a shed . The flood lights left a large shadow and Japheth pushed Michael into it . " Listen , we 're friends and all , but I gotta say , you 're starting to waltz into my territory . You handle ghosts and aliens . I take the criminals . That 's the deal . " Michael hadn 't been aware of any deal . Michael wasn 't sure how much he should tell Japheth . He liked him and didn 't want Japheth to think he was invading his turf . So he lied . " We 're teenagers . There 's a dead body . We want to see it . Plus there 's a legend that says it 's easier to communicate with the spirit of a person who was killed violently . " The interrogation had flipped , and Michael knew that he had gained the upper hand . He 'd never seen Japheth this territorial over anything . In fact , Michael wouldn 't have even thought Japheth capable of jealousy . " That 's classified , " Japheth said . He then tried deflecting . " Okay , listen , I can get you into the morgue , but if you 're caught , you can 't implicate me . This never happened . " Japheth handed Michael a cigarette and outlined the inner workings of Terrace Park General . " Shift change at the hospital is at eleven thirty . You 'll want to get there around midnight . There 's only one security guard on the weeknights , and he pretty much stays near the ER . There 's a side door where nurses go outside to smoke . It requires a keycard . " Japheth handed him a small plastic rectangle the size of a credit card . " This will get you in that door . Once inside , make a left and you 'll be in the lobby . There will be a night nurse on duty . She 's your only obstacle because the elevator to the morgue is right behind her desk and to the left . I 'm not even going to suggest you do what me and my grandpa did to get by that person because I don 't think it would work again in a million years . Let 's just say if the hospital catches someone else trying to let a dozen cats in the lobby , they 'll know something 's up . You 'll have to figure something out . " Michael paused , relishing the moment where he knew more about something than Japheth . " Listen . I really appreciate what you 're doing for me , so let me do something for you . " Michael told Japheth about the cow and where to find it . " I don 't know if the two are connected , but I 'd be willing to bet they are . Your dad 's not likely to hear about the cow because Mr . Willis keeps to himself , and I 'm sure this isn 't his first dead cow . You know how it is out in the country ; they aren 't likely to report that kind of thing . They 'll just tell each other and keep rifles on the porch . " On the way back to the car , Michael realized he smelled like smoke . He had always taken great care to not smoke at any time before he was going to see one of his friends . They didn 't know he 'd picked up the habit , and he really wanted it to stay that way . He reached into his pocket and pulled out a stick of gum for just such an emergency . He could blame the smell of his clothes on Japheth , but he wasn 't too keen on pinning the smell on his breath to the same culprit . Terrace Park General boasted itself as the largest hospital in the county . At eight stories , it was the second - largest building in the city . The first was a bank on main . It was also the second - widest compound in the city at just over three blocks . The first was Terrace Park High thanks to the basketball gym built in the twenties . The other thing that TPG held second place for was healthcare . The general consensus was if you were going to get sick , you better do it across the river . The Consortium held its impromptu meeting in the visitor 's parking lot on the south side of what the nurses were fond of calling " the Campus . " The parking lot sat behind the hospital , opposite the emergency room . Michael laid out the plan , explained about the keycard , and made sure everyone had alibis . The group as a whole hadn 't snuck out together since the night Karen and Ben disappeared . Michael and Ben told their parents they were going to be at Tyler 's house working on a school project . Tyler 's mom had promised to run interference as long as they brought back a picture . Karen told them she was covered but hedged when they tried to ask her how . After a few minutes , they let it go , and Michael explained the kink in the plan . " The only problem is , " he said , " is that there 's some sort of desk clerk in the main lobby . That main doors are closed , but they still have someone monitor the phone and help family members that have to stay overnight . Japheth said the elevator to the morgue is right behind the desk . I thought maybe one of us could call and distract whoever it is . " " No , " Michael said . " All he said was that shift change was at eleven thirty . " He glanced at the car 's dash . " Which is right about now . " A girl in her mid - twenties cat - walked up the steps of Terrace Park General . She had in ear buds , and she marched right along . " Oh my god ! It 's Handy Candy . " Tyler yelled . Candy Anderson , nicknamed " Handy " by some cruel , though not inaccurate seniors , graduated from Terrace Park High six years earlier . Her nickname , like everything else about her , was a double entendre . The G - rated version involved her always handing out personal belongings to help those less fortunate than herself . Essentially she was a people person . The non - Disney version still involved her being a people person , but it largely went unsaid . Candy had wanted to be a nurse , and after graduating , selected a community college in nearby Vincennes . She flunked out her first semester . Not wanting to completely back down on her dreams , she decided she could still help people and work at the hospital . Now she pointed people where they needed to go and answered the phone . Ben lifted his arm and inspected the muscle . Ben pretended he 'd never noticed , as if his arms surprised him . Michael had noticed one afternoon when Karen draped one of her arm 's through Ben 's . Her arm looked petite in comparison . In fact , Michael had thought at the time that Karen 's arms looked much like his own - skinny and pale . He had his dad buy him some weights that night . The four of them got out of the car and walked up to a side entrance . Michael held the keycard up to a black rectangle next the door , and a clicking sound snapped somewhere inside the frame . Michael eased the door open slowly . The secondary entrance was set back across the lobby from the main entrance . Most of the lights in the foyer were out , but a few remained on for anyone unfortunate enough to find themselves in a hospital lobby at midnight . " Okay , " Michael whispered , " Ben , you make your way around the lobby so it looks like you 're coming from the inside . We 'll wait here until you distract her . Whenever you can get free , meet us downstairs . Japheth said we won 't have any company once we 're on the basement floor . " Ben nodded and crept off . The remainder of the group watched as Ben made it successfully around the lobby and then started heading back toward the reception area . Halfway to his destination he yelled , " Candy ! Is that you ? " From where they were standing they couldn 't hear her response , but Michael thought that it may have been because she responded in one of those wavelengths that were so high - pitched only dogs could hear them . After the introductions were finished , Candy and Ben talked at a much more reasonable level , but nothing could be heard . All they could see was the flashing of pearly white smiles from both parties . After about a minute , Candy got up from her seat and began to approach Ben . She gave him a hug , which was lasting a beat too long , and caused Karen to blush . Michael worried what was going to happen next and was surprised to discover Karen grabbing his hand , interlacing her fingers with his , and saying , " Come on . " As they passed the two huggers , Karen shot Ben a look that no boy wants to be on the receiving end of , no matter how big his biceps are . Ben made matters worse by gripping Candy tighter , but the look on his face indicated that he was only doing it so she couldn 't turn around . There was a smile on his face that said , " Tyler made me . " The door opened onto a hallway that looked like it belonged in a slasher pic and not a hospital . The overhead lights hadn 't been changed since the seventies , and they hummed with the cadence of a bug zapper . At intervals that were not quite regular , one would flicker like it had caught a fat mosquito . There lingered in the air a scent of lemon disinfectant tinged with dirty mop water . Across the hall , they could see their destination . There wasn 't a giant sign that said , " Welcome to the Morgue , " but there was a bank of walls with small doors to push the dead into . The hurried off the elevator , the atmosphere having no effect on the excitement of seeing their first dead body . Michael and Karen had already been touched by death before . For Karen , it was her parents . They 'd died in a car accident an hour after a New Year 's Eve party . The funeral was held , and the caskets were never opened . As silently as they could , they pulled the cart out of the wall . There was a sheet over the body . Michael rhetorically asked , " Ready ? " and gently pulled the sheet off the head . It was the man from the woods . Michael stood there wanting desperately to continue pulling to see if the body was missing its organs like the vision he and Tyler shared , but he froze , waiting for the body to talk . Suddenly , a noise came from the hall and they all automatically crouched though they hid behind nothing . They waited there hunched over until they were sure it was clear . Then Ben appeared at the door . They didn 't say anything , but Tyler motioned for Ben to come over and see . Michael woke up on the sandbar at Lucky Point . His head hurting , and his pulse racing . Confused , he picked himself up off the ground , shook loose some of the grains trapped in the wrinkles of his clothes , and looked up at the sky . Immediately he knew something was wrong . He couldn 't remember the hospital , the hollow man , Handy Candy , any of it , but something bothered him about the sky . He stared , willing the answer to come to him . " It 's beautiful , isn 't it ? " The voice was behind him . The question sounded innocent , but the intonation was off as if the thing he were looking at wasn 't beautiful at all . " Why is everything orange ? " Michael asked . He turned around , but no one was behind him . He looked back to the sky and realized what was bothering him . The sky itself burned orange like it does at sunset . Only in every direction he could see the dome above was the color of a dreamsicle . Michael turned around again . An old woman stood on the other end of the sandbar , nearer to the river than Michael . Her wiry gray hair sprung out of her head at wild angles . Michael thought of Medusa , and then tried hard not to think of Medusa . " See what ? " He asked . " Everything , " she said , and the heavens burst . A million points of light streaked across the sky . The woman pointed and as she did a large meteor hovered overhead . She said , " Moros is coming . " The old woman dropped her arm and watched him for a minute . " The bringer of fate , " she said . She walked closer to him , and Michael could see that her eyes were a pale blue . She must be blind , Michael thought and the thought made him feel safe ; it made him feel as though he could hide from her if he needed to . His sudden courage shattered when she reached out and grabbed his wrist as if she knew right where he was . " Do you know what the other boy did when I told him about Moros ? " She didn 't wait for an answer . " He cried . The two of you are cowards . You call yourself an ' archivist ' and yet you don 't know Moros ? " She laughed again , a mad cackling sound . She reached a finger out , poked Michael 's stomach , and said , " I 'm looking forward to opening you up and seeing what I can see . " She released Michael 's wrist and reached into a pouch that was hanging off of her shoulders . She pulled out a long - bladed knife and plunged it into Michael 's chest . He started to scream , but no sound would come ; he wanted to pass out from the pain , and realized nothing hurt . Michael existed in a period of darkness , only hearing words . " Moros is coming , " " bringer of fate , " and " the four will fail . " He thought about his friends . Wondered where they were . He remembered Karen saying the old woman she 'd seen had warned that they couldn 't stop her , and now this , " the four will fail . " Amidst his brain earnestly trying to find out what all of it meant , he became aware of new voices : Slowly he opened his eyes . The dim lights of the hospital room still seared his retinas . But he could see Tyler standing at the foot of his bed . There was a girl next to him . A small blonde girl . Skipping any pleasantries Tyler went straight to the point , " Mickey , meet the Consortium 's newest member . Her name 's Maddie . " He said the last part as if he were proud of remembering . New member ? Michael thought . He wasn 't sure what was happening . He wasn 't even sure he was really awake , but the thought of having five members overshadowed all other questions that danced in his mind . He said , " Good , we need you , " and fell back asleep . " Potato , potato , " she said with the requisite pronunciations . Before Michael could say anything else she said , " I 'm not going back to Lucky Point . Our little group can go wherever you want , but Lucky Point is off limits . " She was about to say something else , but Mr . Adams had brought the class to order . Today , they were going over the periodic table . Chemistry wasn 't exactly in Michael Ridge 's wheelhouse , and apparently remedial chemistry was just as bad . While Tyler and Ben learned about the mysteries of the physical universe in AP Chemistry , Michael had to suffer through the realization that even the lowest level of this particular physical science was above him . Michael spent the entirety of the class trying to figure how to convince her to go check out the cow . After that fateful night two years ago , Michael became obsessed with the paranormal . He had even formed a club " The Consortium of the Curious . " Printed its newsletter out of his basement . At present the club only had four members , counting himself , and the newsletter had a readership of five , the Consortium members themselves and Tyler 's mom . The group only had two rules : ( 1 ) They would investigate any odd occurrences that happened in - or , now that they had driver 's licenses , around - Terrace Park , and ( 2 ) they wouldn 't step foot in Lucky Point again . When the bylaws were being created , Michael wanted to point out that all the weird stuff in Terrace Park happened at Lucky Point , but he held his tongue . And with results . The Consortium had , in two years , visited nine haunted houses , investigated fourteen UFO sightings , and interviewed one man who claimed to have been abducted by aliens . This fall they planned to take on the legend of Ivaylo , but Michael 's interests didn 't favor vampires , they were exclusive to aliens , and the cow was winning . Karen sent a glare toward Michael as if the edict had been his fault . He threw his arms up in a gesture of surprise to indicate this wasn 't his doing . The two of them walked up to the elongated desk at the front of the room . The desk itself was elevated as if Mr . Adams were a judge and was about to give his ruling . " Miss Fletcher , I 'm not interested in explanations . What I am interested in , however , is what the two of you are going to do about it . " Mr . Adams continued , " I know chemistry isn 't for everyone , but honestly , it 's not the worst . How are you doing in math ? " " I 'll tell you how you 're doing in math . You 're both passing . After I spoke with your other teachers , I find out that you 're at least passing in all your other classes , and in some of them , you 're doing better than that . What is it about my class that the two of you find so uninspiring ? " Michael supposed it was a fair question . He had no trouble in any of his other classes , and come to think of it , he wasn 't entirely aware he had been doing so poorly in this one . In fact , Mr . Adams was one of his favorite teachers . " I think , " Mr . Adams said amid Karen 's mumbling , " I think some extra credit is in order . I want you both to write a five page essay on a topic of your choosing . I 'm not out to punish either of you ; I know you 're good kids , but I don 't know what else to do at this point . I 'll make it easy on you . All you have to do is use the scientific method , and I 'll look the other way if it isn 't exactly related to chemistry . Lord help us if either of you decide to become chemists anyway . I 'll even let you do it on one of your ghost hunting sessions as long as you use science . None of that pseudo - stuff , okay ? " " I 'll save you the trip . There is absolutely no way I 'm going anywhere near a dead cow . I 'll repeat my sophomore year first . " She looked at him and must have felt pity because then she said , " I 'll think about it . " Michael nodded , and Mrs . Schneider went on with her lesson on poetry . Today , she lectured about William Blake . His interest piqued when the teacher said something about the Proverbs of Hell , and one line : " The weak in courage is strong in cunning . " The tiny aphorism made him think about himself or at least think about himself in a way he would like others to think about him . Tyler and Ben both had sports , football and baseball respectively . Michael only had his mind , and if Mr . Adams 's science class told him anything , it was that he wasn 't going pro any time soon . " Thanks for the tip , " Michael mumbled once he was relatively sure Ben couldn 't hear him . Michael realized that as they were getting older , his other friends ' interests were shying away from the paranormal . Tyler had football . Ben now picked up tennis on top of baseball . Michael , however , became more concerned when he realized that Ben was turning into a genuine , all - American , preppy athlete . Once the girls caught on , Karen was going to be constantly jealous , and Michael wasn 't looking forward to that . The National Guard had an armory two blocks from the school . The building was situated against a slope that led up to the Terrace Park golf course . The armory stood three stories , but the top one was the only level that peeked over the hill . Michael moved quickly around the side of the building . A tiny alleyway was formed on the west facing side of the building between the wall and the hill . He had a meeting scheduled . " Do you have the money ? " A boy roughly Michael 's age asked . He was dressed in a black jacket and wore a T - shirt that said , " If you 've ever slept with someone with writer 's block , you may be at risk . " Michael could see his own scowl off the kid 's Foster Grants . Japheth Brown was hand 's down the weirdest kid at Terrace Park High , though if pressed Michael wouldn 't be able to tell you why and that in itself was part of the problem . Japheth 's grandfather , Barnabas was a mystery writer of some acclaim . He 'd written something like seventy books , and his grandson planned to carry on the tradition . The only problem was he spent most of his time plotting and reenacting his own scenes that when it came time to actually write them , most of the spirit was lost . Michael had once even volunteered to help him with one of his drafts . He never volunteered again . " What 's new ? " Japheth asked taking a long drag . Michael decided he must be half in and half out of character and decided not to comment on the sheer volume of smoke the sixteen year old had just consumed . Without coughing . " Nah , I can 't . I 'm on the climactic scene of the novel I 'm working on . I think it 's the best one yet . " Without warning , Japheth sat on the ground - Indian - style - and pressed the tips of his fingers under his chin . Then he shut his eyes . He sat like that for a moment , and Michael didn 't bother him ; he wanted to finish his cigarette , and he had to admit he wondered where this was going . After a few more minutes Japheth said , " I suppose it would be silly not to . " And that was it . Michael didn 't even get to ask a follow up question before Japheth shot back to his feet and bid farewell to Michael . Literally . After he was a few feet away , Japheth turned and said , " Hey , what 's the index today ? " Dinner was waiting for him at home . " Your father and I have already eaten , " his mother said . She didn 't seem angry about it , but something was off . Then he remembered it was Thursday , which meant his father would be out at Woody 's . He always ate and ran on the nights he met the guys for beer . His mother looked at him for a moment as if she were going to say more , but instead , she kissed him on the forehead and went off to her room . A half an hour went by and then he heard a car pulling up . He ran down the stairs to let Tyler in . He opened the door . Karen stood with her arms across her chest wearing a different skirt from the one she had on at school . " Michael explained that his grandpa and Don Willis grew up together . Michael figured it best to just go over there and tell the truth . His version of the truth : they wanted to see the cow for a school project . They drove out to the farm , and on the way they passed Lucky Point . They hadn 't been back since that night two years ago . Michael figured it was fear , but Tyler wasn 't afraid of much , and in his presence Michael figured he 'd probably do just about anything . But they hadn 't been back all the same . Michael swore he saw Karen shiver . He asked if she was cold , but she just said , " no , " and looked away . They pulled into Don Willis 's driveway at about quarter passed eight . Michael told Tyler it would be best if they went after dinner , but before dark . The September evenings still held more daylight in Indiana , but would soon be replaced by the early sunsets of winter . " I thought so , " he said , " I suspect you kids are here to see the cow . She 's around back in the field . Go out about fifty yards or so . Look for scavengers . " " Yeah , " Tyler said . " I didn 't think we were really going to get to see it . I figured they 'd have taken it by now . " They only had to walk about thirty more feet to find the animal . Though there weren 't any scavengers to guide them . The ominous lump stood out like a boil on the skin of the field . The cow had been slit open from its neck to its stomach . " Stem to stern , " Michael 's grandpa would have said . The most striking feature , however , was that all of the internal organs were missing as if someone had hollowed the poor thing out . Michael 's grandfather had told him some animals killed the cow , but seeing it firsthand , he immediately knew that wasn 't the case . This was an actual cattle mutilation . Michael had read about them before . Supposedly aliens came down and mutilated any number of animals , though they seemed to have a certain proclivity for cows . The first time he had read about it he decided it didn 't make any sense , but he later conceded that neither did UFOs taking people , so maybe there was a secret agenda after all . The problem was this cow looked exactly like the man he and Tyler had seen in the woods two years ago , and it wasn 't aliens who had done that . He didn 't think so anyway . " How about we tell you in the car because I don 't want to repeat our previous experience , " Tyler said and pointed toward the horizon . The sun was making its slow descent ; the sky had already turned a hazy purple and there was a chill in the air . Way out in the distance , a figure stood like the one the two boys had chased before . This time too far away to tell if it was the same man or just someone looking to see the dead thing in the field . They walked back to Tyler 's car trying not to break out into a run . They periodically looked back to see if the figure moved . Or disappeared . By the time they got to the car , the dusk had taken over , and they couldn 't see the phantom , whether he was there or not . Michael said , " You know that day in the woods you won 't talk about ? I might know what happened . But it 's weird , " he paused , thinking about how to proceed . " Karen , I 've never asked you to talk about what happened that night , but if any of this rings a bell , will you please just tell me ? " " The day after you and Ben went missing I had to go over to your aunt 's house with a detective from the police station . He was mostly nice , but I think that 's just because he knows my mom pretty well . He knows me pretty well too I guess . Anyway , the prevailing theory , as I 'm sure you 'll remember was that the two of you had run off . We were only fourteen , but I guess when it comes to boys and girls , it 's never too early to start worrying . The problem was they were looking in the wrong places . " Tyler and I got together the next day , and we joined the search . It wasn 't until we saw a cow in one of the fields that I remembered the bone you were teasing Karen with . All at once , everything seemed to make sense - the bone , the woods , and most importantly the story about the Indians . I had this crazy idea that if the Indians had been around to hunt , there certainly must be bodies somewhere . So I thought , what if it wasn 't a cow bone after all , what if we desecrated some sort of burial ground . " " Fine , " Tyler said , " there are two things wrong with the story . And for my contribution , I 'd like to point out that I know what a cow bone looks like . The bone came from a cow . " " I know that . She 's in the backseat , " Tyler 's eyes widened , " you aren 't telling me it 's not them are you . Like they came back different . " " No , " he said . " Ben and Karen came back , and everyone in town pretended nothing happened . Hell , we pretended nothing happened . What I haven 't ever told you is that I went back to Lucky Point after the search ended the first day . It was still light out , so it didn 't seem that intimidating . I would have invited you along , Tyler , but I thought you 'd think I was crazy . Or at least , the kind of crazy that isn 't normal for me . " At first , I thought I was crazy , too . I snuck out of the house while the whole town was looking for a couple of kids who went missing , and here I was going to the one place I already told the police they didn 't need to look . I 'll admit I had my doubts . Then I saw Karen 's suitcase . It was right there in the spot she had made earlier . Right there . I couldn 't believe it . I ran over to it . Felt it . I hoped touching it would make everything seem real . " You put the bone in Karen 's case . They left . The woods wanted it back . " For a minute Tyler thought Michael was going to say , " the wood 's gets what it wants , " but he didn 't . " I 'll admit , " Tyler said , " I 'm intrigued , but you honestly want me to believe we desecrated an Indian burial ground and as punishment , a band of ghost Indians stole two of our friends . Friends who by the way had already left . If these ghosts of yours wanted to take anyone , they should have taken us . " " You 've never said anything at all , " Tyler said . Michael told Karen the story about the gutted man . He conceded that the presence of the talking corpse had never really fit together with the Indian burial ground theory , but he had remained optimistic . After all , his friends did show up when he 'd thrown the ghosts a bone . She didn 't say anything for a while . A few times it looked like she might , but something was conflicting her . She finally said , " I don 't want to talk about it . " " After Ben and I left , we made it about halfway home when Ben decided it would be a good idea to go back . He convinced me that you and Tyler were secretly going to stay behind , and we were going to scare you . I wanted payback after the whole bone thing . " The woods lit up , and I mean bright , like Fourth of July bright . I look up in the sky and there is this asteroid thing going through the sky . At first , I think it 's going to hit us . I imagine the entire woods just exploding . I may have screamed at that point ; I really don 't remember . Then it stopped . In midair . Just stopped . I turn around to see what Ben thinks is going on . You know how he likes astronomy and all , and he 's gone . Ben 's gone , and there 's a freaking meteor just hanging out above my head . I 'm not sure what to do at this point . I mean who would be , right ? All I can think of in that moment is that I have to get home . So I start to run away . She paused . She wiped something out of her eyes . " The only problem is every time I run I end up back in that clearing where we were hanging out earlier . " Here I am . Fourteen years old . The guy who 's supposed to walk me home has disappeared ; I can 't seem to find my way out of the forest even though it 's not that big ; and there 's this shooting star mocking me in the sky . And that 's when I saw her . She was an old woman , probably in her seventies . She wore this gray dress . Lord knows what kind of fabric it was . The thing looked like scrub brushes sewn together . Her hair hung down past her shoulders . Reminded me of dreadlocks . That woman 's poor hair probably hadn 't been washed since the Depression . I almost felt bad for her . Living out there all by herself . I 'm sure she doesn 't have running water as sure as I know she 's never heard of conditioner . " More what ? No , she said , ' you can 't stop me . ' I didn 't even know I 'd been trying . That 's when I blacked out and woke up on that sandbar with Ben . You know the rest from there . " Michael had an uneasy feeling she was leaving something out . He didn 't blame her though , he left the part about seeing her out too . He hoped growing up wasn 't going to continue to be a series of leaving things out to your friends . He wondered what it would be like if more and more of his life was left out of conversation . At some point , you wouldn 't know who you were anymore , he figured . " I have no idea . Ben didn 't see any of it . He can 't remember anything from that night . Now do you see why it was easier just letting people think we ran off together ? Sure , some people think we 're delinquents , but how would I explain what happened ? I wanted to just forget it all . Pretend it never happened . Then when I got home today I found this . " She handed Michael a folded up newspaper . He opened it up to the front page . There was a headline : Man Killed in Animal Attack . The story went on to describe how an as of yet unidentified man had been attacked in Knox County , which was across the river from Terrace Park . There were no details other than the fact he 'd been savagely attacked and that his body had been found on the same sandbar where they found Ben and Karen . There was a photo of him with a caption urging readers to come forward with any information on the identity of the individual . The face stared back at Michael from the paper , and Michael could hear the words again Tyger ! Tyger ! burning bright , in the forests of the night . " I just want everyone to forget about that night , and now this is bringing it back up . I mean our names are even mentioned in the article , and we don 't have anything to do with it . That 's why I decided to come with you tonight . If something is going on , it involves us . And if everyone in this redneck town is going to be in my business , I 'd really like to know what my freaking business is . " She paused . " Michael , what 's wrong ? " Michael 's head filled with questions . Who was that man ? Who was the woman Karen saw in the woods ? For a whole year he 'd contented himself on what two of his best friends were basically calling the silliest - but maybe not inaccurate - theory of the century , and he had to admit , after saying it out loud twice , it was beginning to sound a little far - fetched . He thought about it for a moment . " It makes sense . They 're saying he was attacked . " Michael had another thought , " And the cow ! The cow suffered from some sort of attack too . No animal did that . You guy 's both realize that right . An animal doesn 't hollow out another animal that precisely . " The thought they might be able to prove Ivaylo 's existence sent shivers down his spine . The fact it didn 't explain the shooting star , the old woman , and whatever Moros was didn 't seem to bother him . He pictured the headline for the Consortium 's newsletter now : Ivaylo Hunts Again . Tyler brought him back down to earth . " You 're forgetting something . Ivaylo can 't leave Terrace Park . Remember vampires and the running water thing . " " I say we call an emergency meeting of the Consortium tonight . The article says that the man was attacked by an animal , but that 's what they said about the cow . We need to find the body . " I hope you all enjoy the photo , and please do come back tomorrow for Chapter 2 : The Curious Incident of the Cow in the Nighttime . Like the first chapter it 'll be available in . pdf format if you - like me - don 't want to read 5 , 000 - ish words of blog post . But if you do , it 'll be there too . A few months ago I was at a poetry reading when someone uttered this line . It 's harmless enough , maybe even true for the circumstances , but could it possibly be true that all smokers are experts at flicking cigarettes ? Are there no amateur smokers left ? Then today I came across it again in the book I was reading . ( I won 't name names because it 's still shaping up to be a fantastic read . ) But I stand before you to make this solemn vow : I will not have a character flick a cigarette unless he sucks at it . On a side note : I hope everyone 's weekend was lovely and full of writing . Share this : TwitterFacebookRedditPinterestGoogleTumblrPrintLike this : Like Loading . . . 7 Comments Curious Wordsadvice RT @ masterbedgood : Part 12 of # Freefall is online now . This is the beginning of the end : duskland . wordpress . com / 2013 / 02 / 01 / fre … # Duskland # Fiction # Wri . . . 4 years ago
|
Did they wait quietly in the woods , watching people go by ? Then did they whisper to each other , " See that blond kid ? That 's Larry Boyd - let 's go get him " ? I ran as fast as I could . But it 's so hard to run when you 're carrying a guitar case . It kept banging against my leg . Dogs are supposed to sense when you 're afraid of them . But I 'm not usually afraid of dogs . In fact , I really like dogs . The big black dog with the evil black eyes was leading the pack , as usual . He had his lips pulled back in an angry snarl . He was close enough so that I could see his sharp , pointy teeth . I 'm a nice guy . Really . Ask anybody . They 'll tell you - Larry Boyd is the nicest twelve - year - old kid in town ! The last time , I dived into a parked car and shut the door just as they pounced . But today , the dogs were too close . And the cars along the street were all snow - covered . By the time I got a car door open , the dogs would be having me for dessert ! The growls turned to low whimpers . The dogs backed up , started to retreat . The huge black dog with the black eyes lowered his head and loped slowly away . The others followed . " Lily - they 're listening to you ! " I cried thankfully . I climbed slowly to my feet and brushed the snow off the front of my blue down parka . Lily Vonn doesn 't exactly look tough . She 's twelve like me , but she looks younger . She 's short and thin and kind of cute . She has chin - length blond hair with bangs that go straight across her forehead . The strange thing about Lily is her eyes . One is blue and one is green . No one can really believe she has two different colors - until they see them . I brushed most of the snow off the front of my coat and the knees of my jeans . Lily handed me my guitar case . " Hope it 's waterproof , " she muttered . I shrugged . " I was just asking myself the same question , " I told her . Our boots made crunching noises in the snow . Lily led the way . I stepped in her bootprints . " I had to help my dad shovel the drive , " I replied . Some snow had caught inside my hood and was trickling down the back of my neck . I shivered . I couldn 't wait to get inside the house . The others were all hanging out in Lily 's living room . I waved hi to Manny , Jared , and Kristina . Manny was down on his knees , fiddling with his guitar amp . It made a loud squeal , and everybody jumped . Manny is tall and skinny and kind of goofy - looking , with a crooked smile and a mop of curly , black hair . Jared is twelve like the rest of us , but he looks eight . I don 't think I 've ever seen him without his black - and - silver Raiders cap on . Kristina is a little chubby . She has curly , carrot - colored hair and wears glasses with blue plastic frames . I tugged off my wet coat and hung it on a peg in the front entryway . The house felt steamy and warm . I straightened my sweatshirt and joined the others . They 're always teasing me about my hair . Can I help it if I have really good hair ? It 's dark blond and wavy , and I wear it long . Well , actually , they are great friends . We have a lot of fun together . The five of us have a band . This week , it 's called The Geeks . Last week , we called ourselves The Spirit . We change the name a lot . Lily has a gold coin that she wears on a chain around her neck . Her grandfather gave the coin to her . He told her it 's real pirate gold . So Lily wants to call our band Pirate Gold . But I don 't think that 's cool enough . And Manny , Jared , and Kristina agree . We still can 't believe that Howie Hurwin named the band after himself ! He 's only the drummer . His stuck - up sister , Marissa , is the singer . " Why didn 't you call it Marissa and the Shouters ? " I asked him one day after school . " I think we sound great , " Manny said , still down on the floor , fiddling with the cord to his amp . " Three guitars is a great sound . Especially when we put on the fuzztone and crank them all the way up . " Kristina , Manny , and I all play guitar . Lily is the singer . And Jared plays a keyboard . His keyboard has a drum synthesizer with ten different rhythms on it . So we also have drums . Kind of . As soon as Manny got his amp working , we tried to play a Rolling Stones song . Jared couldn 't find the right drum rhythm on his synthesizer . So we played without it . We started playing again . Jared hit the saxophone button on his keyboard , and it sounded as if we had a saxophone . Manny took the first solo , and I took the second . After we put our instruments back in their cases , Lily suggested we go outside and mess around in the snow . The afternoon sun was still high in a shimmery blue sky . The thick blanket of snow sparkled in the golden sunlight . We chased each other around the snow - covered evergreen shrubs in Lily 's front yard . Manny crushed a big , wet snowball over Jared 's Raiders cap . That started a snowball fight that lasted until we were all gasping for breath and laughing too hard to toss any more snow . They started to roll big balls of snow for the snowman 's body . Jared shoved Manny over one of the big snowballs and tried to roll him up in the ball . But Manny was too heavy . The whole thing crumbled to powder under him . I glanced up at the neighbors ' house . I could see that it was being remodeled . The pile of junk at the curb was waiting to be carted away . I leaned over the side of the Dumpster and began shuffling through the stuff . I love old junk . I can 't help myself . I just love pawing through piles of old stuff . I started to examine them , moving them around with my hand , when an orange bottle caught my eye . " Hey , guys ! " I shouted up to my friends . " Look what I found ! " No one looked up . Manny and Jared were struggling to lift one big snowball and set it on the other one to form the snowman 's body . Lily was shouting encouragement . Kristina was wiping snow off her glasses with one of her gloves . " Hey , Larry - what 's that ? " Kristina finally asked , putting her glasses back on . The others turned and saw the bottle in my hand . " Yeah . Let 's all go into school on Monday with dark suntans ! " Kristina urged . " Can you see the look on Miss Shindling 's face ? We 'll tell her we all went to Florida ! " " It has to , " Lily said . " They couldn 't sell it if it didn 't work . " She grabbed the bottle from my hand . " It 's nearly full . We can all get great tans . Come on . Let 's do it . It 'll be so cool ! " I pulled off my coat and tossed it onto the pile with the others . As I made my way into the living room , I began to have second thoughts . What if the stuff doesn 't work ? I asked myself . What if it turns us bright yellow or green instead of tan ? I 'd be so totally embarrassed if I had to show up at school with bright green skin . I couldn 't do it . I just couldn 't . Even if it took months , I 'd hide in my house - in my closet - till the stuff wore off . We jammed into the downstairs bathroom . Lily still had the bottle of INSTA - TAN . She twisted off the cap and poured a big glob of it into her hand . It was a creamy white liquid . She began rubbing it on her neck , then her cheeks , then her forehead . Tilting the bottle , she poured another big puddle into her palm . Then she rubbed the liquid over the backs of both hands . " Feels cool and creamy , " Kristina reported when her turn came . Jared went next . He practically emptied the bottle as he rubbed the stuff on his face and neck . But something made me stop . I hesitated . I could see that the others were all watching me , waiting for me to splash the liquid all over my skin , too . " It can 't hurt you , " Lily said , shaking her head . " So what if the stuff is a little old ? That doesn 't mean it will make your skin fall off ! " " Don 't wimp out , " Manny said , grabbing the bottle and tilting the top toward my hand . " Go ahead . Pour it . We 've all done it , Larry . Now it 's your turn . " " Go ahead , Larry , " Lily urged . " Those dates on the labels don 't mean anything . " She shoved my arm . " Put it on . What could happen ? " I didn 't want them to call me a wimp . I didn 't want to be the only one to chicken out . So I tilted the bottle down and poured the last sticky glob of the liquid into the palm of my hand . Then I splashed it onto my face and rubbed it all over . I covered my face , my neck , and the back of my hands . It felt cool and creamy . And it did have a sweet smell , a little like my dad 's aftershave . The others cheered when I finished rubbing the cream in . " Way to go , Larry ! " Jared clapped me on the back so hard , I nearly dropped the empty INSTA - TAN bottle . I studied the label again . " It says we should have a dark , good - looking tan almost instantly , " I reported . I shook my head . " I knew this stuff was too old . I knew we shouldn 't have - " We grabbed our coats and hurried back outside to finish the snowman . I took the empty INSTA - TAN bottle with me and tossed it into the snow as Lily and Kristina rolled a snowball to make the head . Then they lifted it onto the snowman 's body . I found two dark stones for eyes . Manny grabbed Jared 's Raiders cap and placed it on the snowman 's head . It looked pretty good , but Jared quickly grabbed his cap back . A strong gust of wind whipped around the side of the house . The wind toppled the snowman 's head . It rolled off the body and crumbled to powder on the ground . Jared tried to duck . But the snow poured over him . He instantly bent down , scooped up an even bigger pile of snow , and dropped it over Manny 's head . The two of us held our own for a while . Lily is the fastest snowball maker I ever saw . She can make one and throw it in the time it takes me to bend down and start rolling the snow between my gloves . The snowball fight quickly became a war . We weren 't even bothering to make snowballs . We were just heaving big handfuls of snow at each other . And then we started rolling in the snow . And then we chased each other to the next yard , where the snow was fresh - and started another heavy - duty snowball fight . Finally , I felt the needle slide out . Dr . Murkin dabbed a cold , alcohol - soaked cotton ball against the puncture spot . " You 'll be okay now , " he said , patting my bare back . " You can put your shirt back on . " Dr . Murkin is a very distinguished - looking man . I guess he 's about fifty or so . He has straight white hair that he slicks down and brushes straight back . He has friendly blue eyes behind square - shaped , black eyeglasses , and a warm smile . " Same old sweat gland problem , " he told my mother , writing some notes in my file . " He got overheated . And we know that 's not good - don 't we , Larry ? " I have a problem with my sweat glands . They don 't work very well . I mean , I can 't sweat . So when I get really overheated , I start to feel sick . I nodded . " Yeah . I 'm okay , " I told her . I stopped at the door and turned to face her . " Do I look any different , Mom ? " Her eyes studied my face . " I 'm a little worried about you , Larry , " she said quietly . " I want you to take a short nap when we get home . Okay ? " " Yeah . I 'm fine , " I replied . I held the cordless phone in one hand and flipped TV channels with the remote control in my other hand . Lily laughed . " No . We were all soaked and exhausted by the time Howie and Marissa showed up . We all just sort of stood there , shivering . " " Yeah , " Lily replied . " He said he bought an Eric Clapton guitar book . He said he 's learning some new songs that will blow us away . " " Howie should stick to drums . He is the worst guitar player in the world , " I muttered . " When he plays , the guitar actually squeaks ! I don 't know how he does it . How do you make a guitar squeak ? " " I don 't know , " Lily replied thoughtfully . " Howie brags so much , you can 't really believe him . He says they 're good enough to make a CD . He says his dad wants them to make a demo tape so he can send it to all the big CD companies . " " Yeah . Sure , " I muttered sarcastically . " We should sneak over to Howie 's house some afternoon when they 're all practicing , " I suggested . " We could listen at the window . Check them out . " I didn 't finish until nearly ten . Yawning , I went downstairs to tell Mom and Dad I was going to sleep . Back upstairs , I changed into pajamas and crossed the hall to the bathroom to brush my teeth . Under the bright bathroom light , I studied my face in the mirror over the sink . No tan . My face stared back at me , as pale as ever . " How can this be ? " I cried to myself . Holding the hand in the light , I struggled to stop it from trembling so that I could examine it . The hair was nearly half an inch high . It was shiny and black . Very spikey . Very prickly . It felt kind of rough as I rubbed my other hand over it . I can 't let anyone see this ! I told myself , feeling my chest tighten in panic . I can 't ! It would be so embarrassing ! I can 't let my friends see this . They 'll call me Hairy Larry forever . That 's how I 'll be known for the rest of my life ! I 'd watched my dad shave a million times . There was nothing to it . I started the hot water running in the sink . I splashed some onto the back of my hand . Then I rubbed the bar of soap over the bristly black hair until it got all lathery . Dad lowered his newspaper to check me out . A white mug of coffee steamed in front of him . " He doesn 't look pale to me , " he muttered before returning to his newspaper . Mom sat down beside Dad and started to crack open a hard - boiled egg . She had a hard - boiled egg every morning . But she threw away the yellow and only ate the white . She said she didn 't want the cholesterol . " Mom and Dad , I have to tell you something . I did a pretty stupid thing yesterday . I found an old bottle of a cream called INSTA - TAN in a trash Dumpster . And my friends and I all rubbed it on ourselves . You know . So we 'd have tans . But the date had run out on the bottle . And … well … last night , I suddenly grew some really gross black hair on the back of my hand . " They would just start yelling at me and telling me what a jerk I was . They 'd probably drag me off to Dr . Murkin and tell him what I had done . And then he would tell me how stupid I had been . The morning sun floated low over the houses , a red ball in the pale sky . The wind felt sharp . We leaned into it as we walked . A hard crust had formed over the snow , and our boots crunched loudly . I took a deep breath . I decided to ask Lily the big question on my mind . " Lily , " I started hesitantly . " Did any … uh … well … did any strange hair grow on the back of your hands last night ? " " Then my face changed into a wolf 's face , " Lily continued , still staring hard at me . " And I ran out to the woods and howled at the moon . Like this . " She threw back her head and uttered a long , mournful howl . But I knew she could never keep it a secret . I knew she would spread the story over the whole school . And then everyone I knew would call me Hairy Larry for the rest of my life ! Standing in front of the entire class and reciting a book report makes everyone nervous . It makes me very nervous ! I just hate having everyone stare at me . Howie cleared his throat and grinned at Miss Shindling . Then he turned to the class and started his report in a loud , steady voice . " I recommend this book to anyone who likes baseball , " he began . Howie droned on . " This is a very exciting book with a very good plot , " he said . " If you like a lot of excitement , you 'll like this book . Especially if you 're a baseball fan . " I took a deep breath and climbed to my feet . Stay cool , Larry , I told myself . You 've practiced and practiced your report . There 's nothing to be nervous about . I knew everyone was staring at me . But I didn 't care . I just had to get out of there . I had to figure out what to do about my hands . As I reached the door , I heard Miss Shindling scold Howie . " You could have hurt Larry . You shouldn 't trip people , Howie . I 've warned you before . " The backs of my hands were hairy . And my palms were hairy , too . Hair poked up from the knuckles of my fingers . And clumps of black hair grew in the space between my fingers . I would be embarrassed for the rest of my life . Whenever anyone would see me coming , they 'd say , " Here comes Hairy Larry Boyd . Remember that day the black hair grew all over his hands ? " " Should I have the furnace turned up , Larry ? " Mr . Fosburg asked . " Is it too cold ? Is that why you 're wearing gloves to class ? " " Yes . I … uh … was a little cold , " I told him , starting to feel a little better . " That 's why I went to my locker . For gloves . " He stared at me thoughtfully . Then he turned and headed the other way , balancing the stack of textbooks in both hands . " I 'll talk to the custodian about it , " he called back . I hurried to my locker . Turning the dial on the combination lock felt strange with my hairy fingers . But I opened the locker easily and pulled my black leather gloves from the pockets of my parka . A few seconds later , I stepped back into the classroom . Lily stood at the front of the class , giving her book report . She glanced at me curiously as I slid back into my seat . " Yes , " I replied . " My … uh … hands were cold . " I climbed out of my seat and stepped quickly to the front of the room . A few steps from the front exit , I heard Lily calling my name . I turned and saw her chasing after me . She was wearing an oversized yellow sweater pulled down over bright green tights . " I guess , " she replied . She said something else , but I didn 't hear it . I pushed open the door and hurried out of the school . I ran all the way home . The sun beamed down on the snow , making it gleam like silver . It was beautiful , but I couldn 't enjoy it . I was lost in my own troubled thoughts . I found her in the living room , on the chair by the front window . She had Jasper , our cat , in her lap and the cordless phone up to her ear . She said something into it , then lowered it as she raised her eyes to me . I didn 't want to tell her . But it suddenly burst out of me . The whole story . I just couldn 't hold it in any longer . " Mom , you won 't believe this , " I started in a tiny , choked voice . " I 'm growing hair , Mom . Really gross black hair . On my hands . You see , my friends and I - we found this old bottle of tanning lotion . And I know it was really stupid . But we all poured it on ourselves . I rubbed it all over my face , and hands , and neck . And now I 'm growing hair , Mom . In school today , I looked down . And both of my hands were covered in black hair . I 'm so embarrassed . And I 'm scared , too . I 'm really scared . " I was breathing hard as I finished the story . I had been staring down at the floor as I told it . But now I raised my eyes to see my mom 's reaction . I let out an annoyed groan . Then I spun around and hurried up the stairs to my room . I closed the door behind me and tore off the hot , uncomfortable gloves . It took me a few seconds to realize the problem . I held up my hands . " It 's these hairy paws , isn 't it , Jasper ? " I said sadly . " They frightened you - didn 't they ? " It wasn 't easy . Especially trying to shave off the tufts of hair that had grown in the spaces between my fingers . That hair was really hard to reach . I held up my hands and checked them out first . My eyes were still heavy from sleep . But I could see clearly that the hair had not grown back . I had dreamed about hair during the night . It had started out as spaghetti . In the dream , I was sitting in the kitchen , starting to eat a big plate of spaghetti . Now at last it was morning , and I continued my inspection . I leaned over and checked my feet . Then my legs . No black clumps of hair . It was a bright , warm day . The snow glistened wetly . The sunshine had started to melt it . I stepped carefully around puddles of slush as I walked along the sidewalk . My heart jumped up to my throat . The dogs were running full speed , their heads bobbing up and down , their eyes trained on me . They barked and growled furiously with each bounding step . If they catch me , they 'll tear me to pieces ! I told myself . They must smell Jasper on me , I decided . That 's why they always chase me . A sharp pain in my side forced me to slow down . I turned and saw the yapping dogs racing steadily toward me . They crossed the street and kept moving over the snowy ground . Closer . Closer . Seeing the three of us standing together , the dogs slowed to a stop . The snarls and growls stopped instantly . They stared back at us uncertainly . They were panting hard , their tongues drooping down nearly to the snow . The pain in my side started to fade . I felt a little better . The dogs weren 't going to attack , I could see . They didn 't want to tangle with all three of us . " Come on . We 'll be late , " Lily said . She kicked a hard clump of snow off the sidewalk . Jared and I followed her toward school . A sharp gust of wind nearly blew us backwards over the slippery sidewalk . Jared 's Raiders cap went flying into the street . A station wagon rumbled past , nearly running it over . We met Kristina in front of the school . Her red hair blew wildly around her head in the swirling wind . " Do we have band practice this afternoon ? " she asked . She was chewing a Snickers bar . " Yes . Practice at my house , " Lily said . " We 've got to get to work , guys . We don 't want Howie to win the contest . " That reminded me of the INSTA - TAN lotion . Were any of my friends growing hair , too , because of that suntan gunk ? I had to know . I had to ask . " Can you bring your amp to my house ? " Lily asked Kristina . " Manny will bring his . But it only has jacks to plug in two guitars . " I nodded . " Yeah . I 'm okay , " I muttered , feeling my face go red . " The scarf was choking me , I guess . " What a lame lie . I took one last glance at my hair . It was getting pretty long , but I liked it that way . I liked brushing the sides back over my ears . It wasn 't the grade that upset me . She gave me a ninety - four , which is really good . I knew that Lily would probably brag that she got a ninety - eight or a ninety - nine . But Lily was great at writing . I usually don 't like basketball that much . There 's so much running back and forth . Back and forth the entire length of the floor . Also , I don 't have a very good shooting eye . And I get really embarrassed when a teammate passes me the ball and I miss an easy shot . " Huh ? " His question caught me by surprise . It was the next day , and we were walking along the slushy sidewalks , lugging our instruments to Lily 's house for another band practice . " I … was just cold , " I told him . " My legs got cold . That 's all . I don 't know why Coach Rafferty gave me such a hard time . " I laughed , too . I am the worst shot in school . But I was so crazed about my hairy knees , so totally pumped , that I played better than I 'd ever played in my life . I spent the rest of the afternoon closed up in my room , thinking hard about what was happening to me . Unfortunately , all I came up with were questions . Dozens of questions . Sprawled on my stomach on top of the bed , my knees throbbed as I thought . Why did my knees grow hair ? I asked myself . I didn 't spread any INSTA - TAN on my knees . So why did the ugly black hair sprout there ? The sun beamed down above the two bare maple trees that leaned over Lily 's driveway . The air felt warm , almost like spring . The snow had melted a lot in one day . Patches of wet grass poked up through the white . Lily opened the door for us . She and Kristina had already been practicing . Lily was wearing a bright red - and - blue ski sweater pulled down over pale blue leggings . Kristina wore faded jeans and a green - and - gold Notre Dame sweatshirt . " We 've got to get serious , " Lily said , biting her lower lip . " Did you talk to Howie today ? Did he tell you what his dad bought him ? " " A new synthesizer ? " I replied , bending to open my guitar case . " Yeah . Howie told me all about it . He says it can sound like an entire orchestra . " " Who wants to sound like an orchestra ? " Jared asked . He had a wet leaf stuck to his shoe . He pulled it off , but then didn 't know where to throw it away . So he jammed it in his jeans pocket . All four of us started for the front entryway to get our coats . But Lily stopped at the door . " Larry and I will go , " she announced to Kristina . " You and Jared should stay and practice . Why should we all go ? " " I hate it when the snow gets all gray and slushy , " she said . " Listen . All you can hear is dripping . Water dripping from the trees , dripping from the houses . " " It 's deafening - isn 't it ? " Lily asked , smiling . The sunlight reflected in her eyes . One blue eye , one green eye . " Deafening , " I repeated . Lily can be pretty weird sometimes . She once told me that she writes poetry . Long poems about nature . But she 's never shown any of them to me . Manny 's house came into view as we turned the corner . Manny lives in a square - shaped brick house on top of a hill . It 's a great sledding hill . There were two little kids sledding down it now on blue plastic discs . They were going pretty slow since most of the snow had melted . We walked past them and made our way up to Manny 's front stoop . Lily rang the doorbell , and I knocked . " Hey , Manny - open up ! " I shouted . " No one home , " Lily said quietly . She stepped off the stoop and moved to the front window . Edging up on tiptoes , she tried to peer in . " There 's no car in the driveway , " I said . I knocked one more time , as hard as I could . To my surprise , the front door swung in a little . " Hey - the door is open ! " I called to Lily . She hurried back to the stoop . I pushed the door open a little further . " Anyone home ? " I called in . The room was totally bare . No furniture . No curtains . No paintings or posters on the wall . Even the carpet had been removed , leaving shiny dark floorboards . " But why didn 't Manny tell us ? " I demanded , my eyes moving around the deserted room . " Why didn 't he tell us his family was moving away ? " He jogs every morning before work . I think he usually jogs pretty fast . But on Saturdays , he slows down so that we can run side by side . But this Saturday morning , I felt like talking . I had decided to tell Dad everything . About the bottle of INSTA - TAN . And about the black hair that kept sprouting . As I talked , I kept my eyes straight ahead . I saw two big crows float down from the clear blue sky and perch side by side on the bare limb of a tree . The crows cawed loudly , as if talking to us . I told him about finding the bottle of tanning lotion and how we all splashed it on ourselves as a joke . Dad nodded but kept his eyes straight ahead . " I guess it didn 't work , " he said , sounding a little breathless from running . " You don 't look too tan , Larry . " I took a deep breath . The next part was the hardest to tell . " It didn 't give me a tan , Dad . But something really weird started happening to me . " " This weird hair started growing on me , " I told him in a shaky voice . " First on the back of my hand . Then on both hands . Then on my knees . " He didn 't answer . He pulled me back along the path toward the street . His eyes were wild . His whole face was twisted into a tight , frightened scowl . Dr . Murkin raised the hypodermic needle and examined it in the light . " Turn away , Larry , " he said softly . " I know you don 't like to watch . This won 't hurt at all . " The doctor shook his head . " I really don 't think tanning lotion can cause hair to grow , Larry . Those lotions work on the pigments of the skin . They - " Then he turned and started scribbling notes in my file . " I 'm sorry , Larry , " he said , writing rapidly in a tiny handwriting . " It wasn 't the tanning lotion . Trust me . " He turned his head to me , his eyes studying me . " I 've examined you from head to foot . You passed every test . You seem fine to me . " " Maybe it won 't happen again , " Dr . Murkin said . He closed my file . Then he motioned for me to jump down from the examining table . " Thank you , Dr . Murkin , " Dad said , climbing to his feet . He flashed the doctor a smile , but I could see that it was forced . Dad still looked really tense . I followed Dad out to the parking lot . We didn 't say anything until we were in the car and on the way home . " Feel better ? " Dad asked , his eyes narrowed straight ahead on the road . " What about the ugly black hair ? " I demanded angrily . " What about it ? Why didn 't he do anything about it ? Do you think he didn 't believe me ? " Dad didn 't reply for the longest time . He stared straight through the windshield , chewing his lower lip . Then , finally , he said in a hushed voice , " Sometimes the best thing is to wait . " We were all really upset that he had moved away without saying good - bye . Lily asked her mom to call some friends who were friendly with Manny 's parents . She wanted to find out where Manny and his family had moved . I have to admit that our songs sounded better with two guitars instead of three . Lily has a very light singing voice - not much power . And three guitars nearly always drowned her out . I knew what the trouble was . I couldn 't stop thinking about Dr . Murkin and how he didn 't believe me about the hair . He said it wasn 't the INSTA - TAN . But maybe he was wrong . Glancing around Lily 's living room as we started " I Want to Hold Your Hand " for the twentieth time , I studied my friends . Were they having the same problem ? Were they growing ugly , black hair , too , and afraid to tell anyone ? The first time I had asked , Lily had laughed at me and called me Hairy Larry . But I had to ask again . I couldn 't think about anything else . I had to know the truth . I waited till practice was over . Kristina was tucking her guitar into its case . Jared went into the kitchen to get a Coke from the fridge . Lily was standing beside the couch , one hand twirling the gold pirate coin at her throat . " Ha - ha , " Jared replied sarcastically , wiping his face with his sleeve . " You deliberately shook the cans , Lily , so people would get squirted . Admit it . " " Remember the INSTA - TAN stuff ? " I started . " Have any of you been growing hair since we put that stuff on ? " I could feel my face turning red . " I mean , really ugly patches of black hair ? " I turned to Lily , who was still standing beside the couch . She had a troubled expression on her face . She definitely wasn 't laughing . She lowered her eyes to the floor as I continued to stare at her . " I - I was just making a joke ! " I stammered . I wanted a hole to open up in the floor so that I could disappear into it . That 's why Jared and Kristina thought it was so funny . It wasn 't happening to them . They didn 't have to worry about it . On the front stoop , I turned back to her . " Lily , tell me the truth , " I insisted , studying her face . " Have you been growing weird patches of black hair on your hands and knees ? " Maybe it wasn 't happening to her , I realized . Maybe she just thinks I 'm crazy . Maybe she feels bad for me because I keep acting like such a jerk . Feeling totally confused , I turned and headed for the street . The sun was still high in the sky , but the air felt cold . A sharp wind blew at my face as I started toward home . I ran through the house , calling for her . I decided it was time to show my parents what was happening to me . Time to make them believe me . Looks like I 'm wearing a bandanna , I thought miserably . Like one of those headbands that skiers wear . Except this one is made of disgusting hair . My chest heaved up and down . I felt like crying and screaming furiously at the same time . I felt like grabbing the stripe of fur and ripping it out of my head . I decided there was no way I could wait for Mom and Dad to get home . I couldn 't leave that horrible hair on my face . Spinning away from the mirror , I ran upstairs to shave it off . Watching the hair fall into the sink , I suddenly knew what I had to do . I had to find the INSTA - TAN bottle . I had to find it and take it to Dr . Murkin . " If I bring him the bottle , I can make him believe me ! " I told myself . Then Dr . Murkin can do tests on it . He can figure out why it 's making hair grow on me . The air had become a lot colder . Clouds had rolled over the sun , making the evening sky gray . I zipped up my parka and pulled the hood over my head . My forehead still tingled from where I had shaved it . I don 't want her to see me , I realized . If she sees me poking around that trash Dumpster , she 'll want to know why . And I 'm not ready to tell her the whole story . The INSTA - TAN bottle . We hadn 't dropped it back into the Dumpster . We had tossed it into the woods on the other side of the neighbors ' house . A tall , brown dog . Even in the dim light , I could see how scraggly and tangled its fur was . I could see large burrs stuck in its heaving side . I searched the woods for other dogs . Was he part of a pack ? Part of the pack of stray dogs that liked to chase me , growling and snapping ? I bent slowly , keeping my eyes on the dog , and picked up the bottle . It felt surprisingly cold . I held it up and tried to see if any of the liquid remained inside . I 'm pretty sure I didn 't use every last drop , I thought , struggling to remember . There has to be a little left . Enough for Dr . Murkin to test . I shook the bottle close to my ear , listening for the splash of liquid inside . Please , please , let there be a drop left ! I pleaded silently . I watched in horror as it hit a sharp rock - and shattered . The jagged pieces flew in all directions . A tiny puddle of brown liquid washed over the rock . But to my surprise , they were running in a different direction . Through the trees , I glimpsed a frightened rabbit , scrabbling over the leafy ground . Barking and growling , the dogs chased after it . " Now what do I do ? " I asked myself out loud . I could still hear the excited barking of the dogs in the distance . " Now what ? " I took Jasper in my lap and petted her for a while . But she wasn 't in the mood . She glared at me with those weird yellow eyes . When that didn 't work , she scratched my hand , jumped away , and disappeared out of the room . I leaned my elbows on my desk and hunched over my government textbook . But I couldn 't concentrate . The words on the page became a gray blur . I cranked the amp up really high and started to play a loud blues melody . There was no one else home , no one to tell me to turn it down . I wanted to play as loud as I could - loud enough to drown out my troubled thoughts . Feeling a jolt of nausea , I lurched across the hall to the bathroom . Clicking on the ceiling light , I leaned over the sink . I brought my face up close to the mirror and stuck out my tongue . I turned and saw Howie Hurwin grinning at me . His sister , Marissa , stood beside him . Her braid was caught in her backpack strap , and she was struggling to free it . " Ow ! " Marissa cried . She finally managed to tug her braid free . " Is your band still going to play ? " she asked . " We heard about Manny leaving . " " We do , too ! " Howie replied , grinning even wider . " We might be on TV . My uncle knows a woman who works on Star Search . He thinks maybe he can get us on . " I heard the two of them laughing as I stepped into the classroom . I made my way to my seat , searching for Lily . Had she slipped past me while I was talking with Howie and Marissa ? I sank into my seat , feeling worried and disappointed . Was Lily sick today ? I hoped not . She can 't get sick the day before the Battle of the Bands , I told myself . She just can 't . After school , I decided to go to Lily 's house to see what had happened to her . But as I walked out of the school building , I remembered that my mom had asked me to come straight home after school . She had some chores she wanted me to help her with . It was a clear , cold day . Puffy , white clouds floated high in the afternoon sky . All the snow had finally melted , but the ground was still soft and wet . The dog had light brown fur , almost red , with a white patch at its throat . It was a medium - sized dog , a little bigger than a cocker spaniel . It had long , floppy brown ears and a long , furry tail that swept slowly back and forth as it gazed up at me . My mom was waiting for me in the driveway . She had a long green sweater pulled down over her jeans . " Nice day , " she commented , glancing up at the sunny sky . " Okay , okay . " I reached for the round , gold tag hanging down from the dog 's collar . Then I dropped to my knees and lowered my face so that I could see it clearly . " Larry - what are you doing ? " Mom called . She had wandered to the side of the driveway and was pulling up some dead weeds . " What does the tag say ? " I didn 't hear the rest of what she said . Jumping over my backpack , I darted toward the street . I hurtled across without slowing to look for cars - and kept running toward Lily 's house . Lily 's house was three blocks away . I ran at full speed the whole way . By the time her house came into view , I was gasping for breath , and I had a sharp pain in my side . Mrs . Vonn grabbed my shoulder and squeezed it . She lowered her face close to mine . " Listen to what I 'm telling you , Larry , " she said through gritted teeth . They think I 'm crazy ! I realized . That 's why they 're refusing to talk about it . They think I 'm losing my mind . They don 't want to say anything to me until they decide how they 're going to handle me . After dinner , I called Jared and Kristina over to give them the bad news . I didn 't want them to think that I was crazy . So I simply told them that Lily had gone away . I shrugged . We were sitting in the living room . Kristina and I sat on opposite ends of the couch . Jared was sprawled in the chair across from me . Jasper brushed over my feet . I leaned down and lifted her into my lap . Her yellow eyes stared up at me . Then she closed them and settled against me , purring softly . " Where did Lily go ? " Kristina asked angrily , drumming her fingers on the couch arm . " On vacation ? Why didn 't she tell us she was going to miss the contest ? " " I don 't know where Lily went , " I told them . " I saw her parents loading suitcases into the car . Now they 're gone . That 's all I know . I 'm sure Lily is very unhappy . I know Lily wanted to be with us . I don 't think she had a choice . " I had a sudden urge to tell them everything that had happened . But I didn 't want them to start laughing at me . Or worrying about me . " No way ! " Kristina cried , surprising both of us . She jumped to her feet and stood between Jared and me . She balled both hands into fists . " No way ! " she repeated . " Listen , guys , " she said sharply , " we have to go onstage tomorrow . Even if it 's just the three of us . We can 't let Howie Hurwin win tomorrow - can we ? " " Me , too , " Jared agreed . " But how can we ? Two guitars and a keyboard ? Howie has his full band . He 'll blast us out of the auditorium . " " Let 's do it for Lily ! " I blurted out . The words just tumbled from my mouth . As soon as I said it , I felt embarrassed . But Kristina and Jared picked right up on it . " Let 's do it for Lily ! " they both cried . " We can win ! We really can ! Let 's win it for Lily ! " The ugly black hair - it had grown back , I knew . And now Kristina and Jared were both staring at it . They both saw it - saw that I was becoming some kind of hairy monster . Behind me , Howie Hurwin and his band were tuning up , adjusting the amps , making sure the sound was right . Marissa was wearing a very short , sparkly red dress over black tights . She caught me staring at her and flashed me a smug smile . The Geeks should have dressed up , I realized , watching Marissa . We didn 't even think of it . The three of us were wearing T - shirts and jeans , our normal school clothes . I turned and gazed at Howie 's new synthesizer keyboard . It was about a mile long , and it had a thousand buttons and dials on it . It made Jared 's keyboard look like a baby toy . Howie caught me staring at it . " Cool , huh ? " he called , grinning that gruesome grin of his . " Hey , Larry - after we win the contest , you can have my autograph ! " The auditorium lights darkened . The curtain slid open . Howie and the Shouters stepped into the red - and - blue stage lights . And began blasting out the old Chuck Berry rock - and - roll song " Johnny B . Goode . " They stayed on their feet for all four of the Shouters ' songs . Each song came louder and faster than the last . The old auditorium rocked and shook so hard , I thought the floor might cave in ! Kristina stood tensely at the microphone , her arms crossed in front of her T - shirt . I played a few chords , testing the level of the amp . My hands felt cold and sweaty . They slipped over the strings . " Are we ready ? " I whispered to Jared and Kristina . " Let 's do ' I Want to Hold Your Hand ' first . Then go into the Rolling Stones song . " And I suddenly knew that something was wrong . The cheers were too loud . The laughter was too loud . Too many kids were jumping up and pointing fingers at me . We had won the contest because of my amazing hairy transformation . " Great special effects ! " that kid had shouted . The " special effects " had won the day . The bushy hair had covered my face , then spread down to my neck and shoulders . Both hands were covered in bristly fur , and I could feel it growing up my arms . My back began to itch . Was it growing on my back , too ? But I was out the stage door , the wild cheers of the audience ringing in my ears . Out the back door of the school . Into a chilly , gray afternoon . Dark clouds low over the trees . The houses and trees passed in a gray blur . As I turned up my driveway , I saw Mom and Dad back by the garage . They both turned to me , surprise on their faces . Finally , Mom broke the silence . " Larry , it isn 't the tanning lotion , " she said softly , holding tightly onto Dad . " We tried to keep it from you . But we can 't any longer . " " It isn 't the tanning lotion , " Dad said in a trembling voice . " Larry , you have to know the truth now . You 're growing all that hair because you 're not a human . You 're a dog . " Then I bounded down the steps on all fours and joined Lily over by the evergreen shrubs . We sniffed the shrubs for a while . Then we loped off to the next yard to see if there was anything interesting to sniff . They work for Dr . Murkin , you see . In fact , everyone in town works for Dr . Murkin . The whole town is kind of an experimental testing lab . A few years ago , Dr . Murkin found a way to change dogs into children . He discovered a serum that made us dogs look and think and act like people . That 's what my shots were . He gave me fresh serum every two weeks . " Dr . Murkin has decided to stop testing the serum on dogs , " Mom told me . " It just doesn 't work . And it causes the families too much pain when the children turn back into dogs . " " He 's never going to work with dogs again , " Dad explained . " The serum just doesn 't last long enough with dogs . So , no more dogs . " It was nice of the Boyds to explain to me what had happened . I felt so grateful , I licked their hands . Then I ran off to find Lily and show her that I was a dog , too . Lily and I roam around together all the time . Sometimes Manny joins us . There are so many dogs roaming around in this town . I guess they all were human for a while . Lily and I found some good dirt to sniff in the neighbors ' flower garden . There aren 't any flowers to dig up yet . But the dirt smells really great . Then I saw the Boyds ' car roll up the driveway . They 'd been gone all afternoon . I went running up eagerly to the car , wagging my tail happily . " What a good little girl , " Mrs . Boyd cooed to the baby . " Yes , you are . You 're a good little girl . Welcome to your new home , Jasper . "
|
Posted on November 4 , 2014 by JALevine Reply Hot showers . Man , I could literally write an entire column about how much I love hot showers . It is such a pleasure to take a shower each morning . I used to get up and throw wood in the stove and then stand there and let the heat wash over me for a while before I got my day going , but now I can let the heat of a hot shower actually wash over me . It 's one of the main reasons I get out of bed every day . Well , that and work and animals to take care of and my soon - to - be wife and stepson . But really , the shower is the best part of my morning . It 's nice to be back after the summer hiatus . Audrey didn 't want to move into my cabin , and I can 't say I blame her . And her apartment was only a little larger than my cabin , and just as drafty . So we looked for a house to rent starting in the spring , and found one rather quickly . The rental housing market up here is cut - throat , and we were lucky to get into a house that we could afford with floors that weren 't too uneven and decent windows and insulation . Three weeks after we moved in the house was sold , and we were on the hunt again . It took us most of the summer to find another house to rent . We found one and have now settled in . Well , physically anyway . I am still in awe of the wonders of modern living . Light switches and hot water and indoor pooping are all wonderful things . Unfortunately , the light switches are in odd places so I 'm still sporting the headlamp every single day . And despite the changes , Pico is still lying on the couch next to me and Midget is crowing in the yard . We 're working on a new coop for the flock , which has grown and changed some . We have four new girls , but Blondie was causing trouble , so I took her to a friend 's . We lost one hen a few months ago to a fox in the yard , but other than that the girls are doing good . We get far more eggs than we can eat , and two of the new hens haven 't even started laying yet . We 're going to be giving away a lot of eggs . As I get used to modern amenities and family life , I still think about the cabin a lot . It was harder to move out of that place than any other house I 've lived in . Hell , most of my apartments I couldn 't wait to get out of . But that cabin was more than just a house , it was home . It was a part of my everyday life . And that 's the biggest difference I 've found . I don 't care about my house now so much . But the loss of the cabin has been replaced by my new family , and it 's definitely been a worth - while trade . Posted on January 28 , 2014 by JALevine Reply I can freely admit that I am not an expert in basically anything , but let me give you some advice : Don 't share your four - hundred square foot anything with a dog , a cat , three hens , and a rooster . Now , nothing against the chickens , but they are noisy . And stinky . And no matter what , the rooster will crow whenever he feels like it , regardless of your sleep schedule . With temperatures predicted to be about thirty below zero without the wind chill , I decided that the time had come to let the chickens have a nice warm night inside . Now , keep in mind that the chickens had not ever been inside my cabin . Nor had Pico ever been separated from them by nothing more than a blanket . Needless to say , I did not get much sleep last night . For instance , did you know that roosters crow all the time , not just in the morning ? I did , but I did not realize how often Midget would crow . I did not realize that every time he crowed , Pico would answer with a round of barking . I also did not realize the scope or variety of odd , obnoxious , and just plain weird sounds that the chickens would make when they spend the night just a few feet from my bed . It has been an absurdly cold winter , and even though the chickens had made it this far with nothing more than a little frostbite , thirty below turned out to be the line I drew in the sand . I spent a few hours yesterday afternoon trying to decide the best way to house them inside my cabin . Not having a dog cage or anything of the sort , I had to improvise . I grabbed the large black sled I use for hauling firewood and brought it inside . I commandeered an old blanket and draped it from the sink down to the sled to create a chicken tent inside my cabin . Then I spent the better part of half an hour rounding up and corralling the chickens so I could catch them . Midget and Brownie were easy , and even though Blondie tried to hide , she was still relatively easy to get a hold of . Whitey , on the other hand , is sketchy . I mean seriously sketchy . She reminds me of one of those movie characters who thinks the government is on to them , and goes to extreme lengths to avoid being caught . Except in this case , I actually was trying to catch her . I managed to get my numb hands on her after quite a while of trying . She was not happy about it , but when I deposited her in the chicken tent she seemed to settle down . There was food and an unfrozen bowl of water in the sled , along with her compatriots . Midget however , was not so fond of the tent . I could hear him clucking and occasionally crowing . I could also see a small part of the blanket moving when he walked around inside . Now , this tent was not set up to be a perfect place for them to live . But it was a necessity , and managed to keep Pico and Herbie out , while somehow managing to keep the chickens in . For a while . This morning , I decided that I should put them outside , but not until the sun came up . Unfortunately , even after the sun came up , it was still well below zero outside , like twenty below zero . I had to run to town , and decided that Pico should come with me . He 's not a killer per se , but I have no doubt that he would have found his way into the chicken tent and caused havoc . Best case scenario if I left him home : Chicken crap everywhere in my house . It was not a risk I was willing to take . So off we went , while the chickens camped out in the balmy interior of my cabin . When we got home , I was torn on whether to put them outside . It was sunny and deceivingly nice looking outside , but the temperature never really got above zero . With Midget and Whitey showing frostbite on their combs , I decided that I would not subject them to the move from seventy degrees to ten below zero . But that was before Blondie and Midget found an escape route . I was sitting at the table chatting with my girlfriend when we heard some commotion and looked up only to see Blondie strutting around the carpet at the front door . Midget popped out as I was watching , and Whitey was trying very hard to follow suit . I shoved Whitey back into the tent and grabbed Midget and Blondie and put them back too . The sounds that followed convinced me that they would benefit from some fresh air and freedom . I may have also figured that I would benefit from them getting some fresh air . I again grabbed Midget and Blondie and transferred them outside . After an hour or so , I figured that I may as well put Brownie and Whitey out too . Now , I wasn 't trying to torture them or cause harm , but the outside space seemed to do them some good . They got a few hours out in the sun , and I managed to round them up with less effort than yesterday . Now they 're back in the tent , making crazy sounds and stinking the place up . Luckily , the weather should be getting warmer in a day or two , because honestly , they are not good roommates . I 'm not sure how this reflects on me , but they are also not the worst roommates I 've ever had either . I guess I 'd rather listen to a rooster crow at five in the morning than listen to some guy scream at a video game at four in the morning . You know what , this doesn 't reflect on me at all . At least this time I 'm in control of when the obnoxious roommates move out . Fall is here . About half of the hardwoods around have either lost all their leaves or are changing color as we speak . I think it 'll be a poor year for fall colors . Too many trees have already changed , and there are still plenty that are solid green . The colors are changing too slowly for there to be any real " peak " this year . The other very noticeable change is the amount of daylight we are having . It 's starting to get dark around seven - thirty at night , as oppose to the nine or nine - fifteen of a few months ago . It 's more tolerable now , with the solar panel powering a couple of nice LED lights . But still , winter is coming and it won 't be all that long . I 've got a good stockpile of wood , well over two full cords , but I will still have to buy some to get me through . A few face cords should cover me , and I 'm hoping that once the new wood stove is installed , it will prove to be more efficient than the old on . Even if it 's not , it will still be an improvement . The shed is two - thirds full , and once it is really stocked up , I will feel much better . There 's a certain comfort in knowing that no matter what , I will at least have enough wood to get me trough my third winter out here . Plus , I have some extra in the old shed , acting as a security blanket , as well as insulation . I 've started picking some apples too . They 're not all quite ripe yet , but those that are have for the most part been good . Some are sweet and meaty , while two other trees are producing big apples that have a pleasant tartness to them . It 's fun to taste and look for good apples , and to know that pretty soon I 'll be filling my weekends and evenings making apple sauce , butter , jelly , and cider . Well , the peaceful serenity of a crackling fire and chirping crickets has come to an abrupt end . Pico noticed ( finally ! ) the two deer only a few hundred feet away . He barked as he took off after them , like he always does . He stood absolutely no chance of coming anywhere near catching a deer , but it was valiant , though loud , effort . Luckily for him and them that he doesn 't need to hunt for food . Summer , on the other hand , is dying a very easy and quick death . As I walked out into the front yard this morning , I noticed a small maple that was almost entirely red . The birches are beginning to turn yellow and even the big cherry tree in the yard was not so green anymore . The days have been warm and the nights cool , feeling more like the heart of fall than the end of August . This is my favorite type of weather , but I 'm not quite ready for it yet . I still want some summer . But really they might not be that happy . I put them out in the run every day so they can eat bugs and plants and stuff like that . Every morning I open the coop door and they all fly right in to the run , and in the evening they hop back up the ramp and into the coop to roost for the night . Since they 're only out during the day , the run is not built as a completely predator - proof structure . It 's very safe with chicken wire and metal roofing , but the end that I let them in and out of is just a mix of some wire , a piece of wood and some old plastic insulation . Like I said , this is built to keep them , not keep predators out . Still , every day when I get home I look into the run on my way up the driveway just to make sure all the girls are still there . We had a pretty nasty thunderstorm come through yesterday while I was at work . I thought of the chickens , but was not too worried about them . However , when I got home , I noticed the insulation flapping in the wind . I had tacked it shut like always , but the wind had blown it wide open . There were no chickens in the run . Pico was barking and Ed was crying at the window , and it had been a long day for Pico and the cats . I had gotten a flat tire on the way home and so they had been cooped up for ten hours or so . But I knew that if I let them out , there 's no way I would be able to catch the missing chickens . That is , assuming the girls hadn 't been eaten yet . Even though I had kind of self - vowed not to get too attached to the girls , I was worried about them . There are so many wild animals out here that could easily snatch up a chicken and trot off into the woods . Chances are all I would find would be a couple piles of feathers to tell where the girls had been eaten . Then it dawned on me . All along , when I fed the chicks , I had always called out " Hey Ladies ! " ala the Beastie Boys . I was hoping that Pavlov was right and the girls would associate my call with the presence of food . I called out and within a few seconds , Midget and Brownie came out of the tall grass and trotted right up to me . I smiled and grabbed them and tossed them in the coop . I called out again and both Blondie and Whitey came out as well . I had to chase Whitey as usual but I finally caught her and put her in the coop as well . Blondie jumped in on her own when I opened the door . I tossed in a handful of bird seed to keep them happy . After all , my distinct chicken call had worked well , so I guess I want to keep them coming to it . Posted on July 30 , 2013 by JALevine 2 I really enjoy fall weather , just not in July . The last few nights have been beautiful , though cold . I really struggled on Wednesday on whether or not I would get a fire going in the stove . I decided not to , based solely on principle . I will not be using my woodstove in July . I just won 't do it . But it has made the evenings pleasant . The water is warm when we go swimming , and the heat isn 't as oppressive as last week . On top of the coolness of the nights , they have also been really clear . With a big moon in the sky and the stars shining , it 's been great . As the moon moves to one side of the sky , the stars come out on the other , making a whole - sky panorama with the Milky Way visible on one end , and nothing but the slate gray sky around the moon on the other . I was sitting on the boulder that serves as my front step the other evening , letting the day 's accumulated warmth keep me comfortable . Pico and Herbie were lying in the dirt by the car , but Ed was not immediately in sight . I then noticed something moving off to my left in the taller grass . A lifetime of toys and free food have left Ed lacking in the hunting skills department , but he still gives it a good effort . I watched as he not - so - subtly snuck down through the grass and toward the chicken run . It took him a while to get up the nerve , but he finally launched an attack and ran smack into the fencing . He seemed to have taken the girls by surprise , but they were safe the whole time . They squawked and ran around a bit , but settled back into the rhythm of being chickens . Ed settled in at the end of the run and hung out for a while to watch them , no doubt dreaming of hunting glory . Soon , they 'll be bigger than he is , and I 'm not sure how Ed will handle that , psychologically . After watching Ed for a few minutes , I glanced over at the new shed . I have a full cord of wood in there , and will need probably another two full cords to get through the winter . I like the way the shed turned out , and with a grand total cost of about fifteen bucks , I think it was a good project to get done . My dad had come up to help me build it , and along with my friend , we built the whole thing in about four hours . I used a bunch of old lumber from underneath Upper Camp and only had to buy a box of wood screws . The old metal roofing has holes in it , but they 're small and it will keep the vast majority of rain and snow off my wood . It 's comforting to have it built , though now I really feel the pressure to get it filled . Unfortunately , I 'll have to buy some fire wood this winter , but it won 't be as much as last year . When my neighbor came up to brush hog the lower field , he noticed the new shed . He said that he 's built a few sheds , and the biggest problem is that when you build a new shed , you fill it up , leaving you no choice but to build another shed at some point . I like building things , so this wouldn 't be so bad , but luckily this new shed will be filled and emptied by the time next summer roles around . Posted on May 14 , 2013 by JALevine 2 The first clouds we 've seen in a while are rolling in , and there have even been a couple drops of rain that have fallen from the sky . So instead of writing this while lying in the hammock , I 'm sitting in the old rocking chair on the front porch . I can see the four - wheeler , the wood pile , and the lawn chairs that I 've been too lazy to put away . The grass is turning green except for the area where I almost always park . That grass is dead and carries the color of dried wheat . Other than that , the colors are coming out , and the rain we 're about to ( hopefully ) get will only make them brighter . A coworker commented to me that the colors of spring are just as nice as the colors of fall , but no one seems to care or notice . Sitting here looking out over the upper field and on to the slopes of the hill out back , I can see his point . Everyone comes to the Adirondacks to enjoy the fall foliage . They don 't know exactly when it 'll be , so they watch the news and try to time it right to hit the peak color season in early October or so . But right now there is a bounty of color that , when you take the time to notice it , is really pretty . Beyond the grass of the yard , the apple trees are starting to show a dull lime green as the tiny leaves emerge . The little poplars are glowing , and the maples are covered in deep red flowers . The white birch bark stands out against the dark balsam needles and even the brown of the trees that aren 't blooming adds to the ambiance . Right now , I can see the colors . My eyes aren 't being bothered by allergies , as mornings are usually when I suffer the worst . I 'm hoping that we get this rain and it washes some of the pollen out of the air . My car , which is normally a nice dark green is now a pale disgusting green with streaks down the sides from where the washer fluid flows when I cleaned my windshield . It 's odd having to clean it of the dead bugs that are starting to splatter their yellow guts on my glass . Just now , I heard the first few drops of rain on the tin roof of the porch . We desperately need some rain , as it 's been almost two weeks since we got any precipitation . In fact , the last time anything other than pollen fell from the sky , it was snow . The little stream that runs behind my cabin is dry in most spots , and the seeds I started for the garden could use a little natural precipitation . It 's amazing to me that after complaining about the amount of snow we got this year , I am now anxious for some rain . The last two weeks have been nice but hot and dry . There have been a few forest fires , and I hope that this summer is not a replay of last year . But as it stands now , we 've had a pleasant transition from winter to spring , and even though I got my first black fly bite of the year , I 'm happy at the changing of the seasons . There 's more birds around including lots of grouse and turkey . I was woken up by a big tom turkey walking through the yard this morning . He was calling loudly , looking for love . I got up early and snuck out onto the porch to watch him walk through . It 's turkey season , and if I was a hunter , I could have gotten this guy with no problem at all . Lucky for him I 'm not , but I did enjoy listening to him and watching him walk from the left trail through the lower field and down the driveway . His bright red waddle was swinging side to side as he tramped around , and to me , it was just one more color to add to the palate of spring . Posted on April 23 , 2013 by JALevine Reply I made my maple syrup yesterday , and it turned out really good . I know because I drank more than a couple shots of boiling sap and syrup during the process . I did not mind the taste - testing . Due to the incredibly windy conditions up here and the fact that there 's a residential burn - ban in effect , I decided to boil down the sap at Amy 's . I ended up with about five and a half gallons of sap which boiled down nicely to about a pint and a half of syrup . Not a ton , but enough to enjoy and even share . Making and tasting the syrup was a much needed break after the events of the past week . I think most of us needed a distraction or two this week . For the last few days , I 've felt like I was constantly fighting back tears . The heartbreak in Boston affected me more than I expected . I had no family or close friends anywhere near the scene of devastation . I have never come close to feeling the type of fear and panic that those who were there must have felt . I had no connection to the tragedy whatsoever , yet I 've felt like crying for a full forty - eight hours . I have always been an information junkie , and following the bombing I was once again unable to tear myself from the news . I don 't watch TV news , but was plastered to the internet with a morbid curiosity that I would not be able to explain . After a day of taking it all in , I wanted to not read about the tragedy anymore . I was burnt out on the news and was starting to get to a point where I needed to read about other things . I turned to an online running community that I belong to for a distraction , and found that there were quite a few of us in the same boat . We were not marathoners or victims , just people who go running sometimes and were having difficulty processing the events . Then I started to hear about the " anger runs . " The more experienced and dedicated runners were going out for a run not because it was in their schedule , but because they were angry , and running was the only way they knew how to deal with it . I took this advice and went for my own anger run . I was angry that this had happened . I was angry that so many runners didn 't get to finish their race . I was angry that so many people were injured . I was angry at the people who were already blaming whole religions and races . I was just angry . I went to the gym to go for a run in the hopes that I could watch a little TV and take my mind off it . My usual program on the treadmill is to run for an hour and watch Sports Center . But even they were talking about Boston . It was a sporting event , after all . About ten minutes in to the run I started to flip channels . I found some old Fresh Prince of Bel - Air reruns and zoned out . As I started to sweat and breathe hard I couldn 't help but feel a little better . Burning off some pent up energy and getting exercise was doing me good . I could start to think back on the events and my response to them with a little less emotion , and a little more insight . I began to realize that it wasn 't the anger or sadness which had been bringing tears to my eyes . The tears were being caused by a sad joy . Amongst all the tragedy , I kept seeing pictures of people rushing in to help . I saw all the posts about strangers being put up and fed by other strangers . Pizza places handing out free food . Restaurants opening their doors to charge a cell phone or use the Wi - Fi even if you didn 't have the money to buy anything . These are the things that were bringing a tear to my eye . I moved out to this cabin and drastically altered my lifestyle in an attempt to eliminate stress from my life . It has not been entirely successful , but for the most part my simplified life is a pleasure to live . However , it 's hard not to be affected when something of this magnitude occurs . As Mr . Rogers said , we have to look for the helpers in times of tragedy . Luckily , the people of Boston and all of us directly or indirectly affected will never have to look too far . That 's what I 'm taking comfort in , and I hope you can too . Posted on April 2 , 2013 by JALevine 2 I love my dog Pico . But there are times when he can be extremely annoying . Like right now , he 's licking my elbow and won 't stop . I lifted my arm up off the table but he just jumped up on me to keep on licking . I don 't know why he is doing this or what I could have possibly gotten on my elbow to make him want to lick it so bad . He 's just a little weird sometimes . I noticed another oddity out here this week . I tapped a few maple trees so I could make a little sap this year . Last year , I was all primed to do the work , but then maple season came and went in a week in February , and I was caught off guard and left with no syrup . This year is a test run . I bought some taps and used a few old milk jugs as buckets . Trying to do it on the quick and cheap , I 'm really only expecting a couple servings of syrup . I don 't have the equipment or the time right now to handle a big production , but now that I know what I 'm getting into , I can make a bunch of syrup next spring . Last winter I found a cluster of nice maples not too far from the cabin , and never touched them . But this year I picked up a bag of spiles at the local hardware store and the proper size drill bit . A friend and I took Pico , the taps , jugs , and drill out to the trees . The sun was shining and it was perfect weather for sap to run . As soon as the drill bit broke through the bark , a big , fat drop of sap coursed down the rough exterior of the tree . The drill then died . My cordless drill , which I 've had since college , made a hole about half an inch deep and just stopped turning . I jammed a tap into the hole to see how bad it was , and the tap stuck out a ridiculous amount . No way would it be able to keep a full jug from falling to the ground . I pulled the battery out of the drill and locked the bit in place . I used the body of the drill as a handle and finished the hole using my power drill as a hand drill . This is why I only placed three taps this year . The next couple of days were cold and I didn 't think the sap would run that much . From the yard I could see the jugs on the trees and knew that they hadn 't fallen or gotten blown off . When I went and checked the jugs after two days , I noticed the irregularity that I was not expecting . The smallest tree had given me the most sap , and the biggest tree had given me basically no sap . Now , there could be many factors for this discrepancy independent of the size of the tree . I just found it odd that this was the case . I figured bigger tree equals more sap . But maybe I did something wrong drilling the hole . Maybe I put the tap in at too much of an angle . Maybe the stupid tree just doesn 't produce that much sap . After three days , I had a gallon of sap . At this rate , I might be able to put my own syrup on one pancake . But that 's not really the point this year . I just want to try something I 've never done before and see how it comes out . That 's what this whole experience has been about too . To try something I 've never done before and see what happens . And maybe that 's why Pico was licking my elbow earlier . He just forgot that he 's done it before and wanted to see what he might find . Posted on March 12 , 2013 by JALevine 1 There 's a gentle thud as another icicle falls off the roof and lands in the soft , heavy snow on the ground . It 's not that warm today , but warm enough to sit out on the porch and read for a while . I needed a winter hat to sit out there , though the sun was warm when it poked out from behind the clouds . There 's a noticeable difference in the amount of snow on the ground . It 's not really melting , but it is disappearing . Almost like the surface of the snow isn 't changing , but just sinking closer and closer to the ground . The days haven 't been very warm , but we 're starting to get those days when it feels a little humid out . This is the snow 's way of saying goodbye I presume . While it hasn 't been warm enough to let the fire go out in the wood stove , I have been able to get by burning softwood during the day . And a single load of hardwood has been lasting me all night . It 's a far cry from January and February when I would have to get up a few times per night to add wood to the stove . I 've been stretching the hardwood supply and I think I 'll be all right for the rest of the year . I 'm hoping for a warm April , and can 't wait for the flowers to start blooming and the leaves to start growing . Even though I know that my allergies will not be easy to deal with . I 've been wondering why this winter seems more difficult than last winter . I think the biggest reason is that the novelty has worn off . Last year there was furniture to move , wood to gather and split , property to explore and the adventure of a new endeavor . I haven 't felt any of that this year . I took several steps to make life out here easier this winter . From the lights to the radio , and having established a procedure to wash dishes , this winter should have been a cake walk compared to the unknowns of last year . But now all the chores that were novel last winter are just effort this winter . Hauling in water is a pain . Cleaning the chimney is no fun . Getting up at four in the morning to put wood in the stove is , well , work . While I sit out here and crank my radio , I like to think about what my own off grid house will look like . There will be a heat source other than a woodstove so I can leave for more than twelve hours at a time . There will be hot running water and an indoor toilet . Once I get settled , I do not want to have to keep a toilet seat hanging on my wall above the wood stove . Sure , it 's nice for now , but I really don 't want to be that guy for the next forty or fifty years . I 've learned a lot living out here and no matter where I go from now on , I will take these lessons to heart . Plus , I would have a hard time learning to pay bills again . That 's the one thing that , even though I was able to give it up , really keeps on giving back to me . Posted on January 8 , 2013 by JALevine 1 I woke up this morning , as usual , buried by animals . Ed was lying on my chest , Herbie was at my shoulder flicking me in the face with his tail , and Pico was on my left , resting his head on my open hand . It was nice and warm in the cabin even though I hadn 't gotten up all night to feed the stove , and I would have been content to lay there for a while before getting out of bed . I thought about how my car was buried in a snow bank halfway up the driveway and how it 's going to take an hour or so to get it free . I thought about how I 'm still not done shoveling more than a week after our first big snowstorm . I thought about how nice the bed felt . Then Ed stretched and farted , and I jumped out of bed more quickly than I would have liked . Pico and Herbie didn 't wait around in the danger zone either . I fed the animals looked out the big window . It seems like it is getting light a little bit later , but the reflection of the snow definitely helps the pre - dawn light to shine a bit brighter . I checked the seed levels in the two bird feeders and decided that they don 't need to be filled today , but that I probably will fill them , just to put off shoveling my car out for another few minutes . The feeders have been active this winter . Last year , I had mostly black - capped chickadees , with an occasional visitor such as a house finch or blue jay . But this year , there is an almost constant presence of chickadees , and white - and red - breasted nuthatches . And from what I have observed , the red - breasted nuthatches are , well , jerks . There are two feeders , each with two sides to feed on . At any given time there may be a couple of chickadees on one of the feeders , but then a red - breasted nuthatch will fly in and take over one of their spots . Even when the other feeder has no birds on it , the reds will chase off a chickadee . The white - breasted nuthatches don 't seem to be involved in this and generally take off before the reds have a chance to run them off . The chickadees always share the feeders . Even though I 'm fairly short , I 've never suffered from " little man syndrome , " that particular attitude short guys can get where they feel the need to overcompensate for their lack of height . They like to start bar fights for no reason and generally see everyone as a threat . I think this is what 's happening with the red - breasted nuthatches . They 're small , so they 're just kind of overcompensating . They 're not violent , but they 're not passive either . The other birds seem to have figured out that this is just the way it is and they don 't bother fighting back . They just get out of the way . I know that if these birds thought that the seed in the feeders was a limited resource , they would guard and protect the feeders . But because they know that there is ample food for all , there shouldn 't be that much competition . I like having the variety of birds that come to the feeder . It 's interesting to me and it 's the perfect reality TV for the cats . I like watching them sift through the seed for their favorites . I like watching them take an impossibly small seed and grip it in their feet to peck it open . But I like it even more when all the birds can linger in peace eight inches from my window . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
|
Once a week has proven a bit too much to attempt , so maybe I 'll lower my expectations to once every other month or so : / It does make it harder to focus on the everyday this way , though . Broad strokes covering the major highlights of our life are good , but not what I love to write about . So , brief overview first , then maybe some of the things our days are made of if I can get to that . I 'm 25 weeks along with another little boy ! I laughed and shook my head when I saw on the ultrasound screen clear evidence that HE would be our seventh son . I have no sadness over this , as much as I love my girl and would love to have another . I also love my boys and am thrilled to welcome this sweet son into our family in August . It is amusing , though . All . these . boys . This baby and Caleb will be 18 months apart . I 'll be honest and say he 's coming sooner than I had planned on . The beginning of this pregnancy had me feeling overwhelmed . I always feel sooo wiped out at first . Not sick , but such low energy . Because I thought I for sure wasn 't pregnant for the first few weeks I kept wondering what in the world my deal was . Caleb was a rotten sleeper and I was up often with him , but I had been handling that okay for months . Suddenly , I had NO motivation and it felt like I was just dragging through each day . It felt like my blood turned to thick molasses , making every movement slow and hard . When I sat or laid down that molasses would ooze into whatever I was slumped upon making it a huge task to get up and going again . Then , upon hearing my symptoms , Nicole insisted that I take a test right away . It was positive and I felt some relief that at least I could explain my absolute sluggishness . Even knowing why I felt that way , I still struggled . Looking back , I can see that the newness and unexpectedness of the news combined with the exhausted and hormonal physical challenges made this pregnancy and the addition of a baby seem incredibly daunting . I was excited , but I felt very inadequate . On the 12 week mark almost to the day , my energy returned . It felt miraculous and I was able to see the landscape of my life through a better lens , a more realistic one , really . I would be adding another child to our family , yes . And that thought wasn 't so hard because I would actually be a functioning person if the baby wasn 't inside of me . I had allowed my first trimester self to project that I would feel the same exhaustion I feel during the first part of pregnancy , still have to meet the needs of my other seven children , and be up all night and day caring for a new baby . Not so . Pregnancy exhaustion and new baby sleep deprivation are two very different things . I know how to be pretty sleep deprived and still live a mostly normal , happy life . I can deal with lack of sleep . AND we 'll love this baby , which will make it all easier . Goodnight , so much for broad strokes . Well , to sum up everything else . . . The older kids are finishing up the school year , Jack is doing choir , Taylor started piano lessons and seems to have a real knack for it , the three older boys are all in scouts , and they 'll all be doing swimming lessons in a few weeks . Adam does an online preschool program every day and is just on the cusp of reading . He and Jane have some good little friends and we often do playgroups during the week . We spent a few weeks working with Caleb to help him sleep better , and now he 's a champ ( no crying it out involved ! yay ! ) so we 're getting good sleep . Kevin is busy at work , and things are going well there . Mikelle and Nicole both had twins , so I 'm a new aunt 4 times over . Nicole 's girls , Lucy and Macy , are miracle preemie babies that actually come home tomorrow ! I cannot wait to meet them in person . They 've been in my heart and prayers for months and months . I was able to be there with Mikelle for the births of Maple and Jameson , and that was amazing ! They are all beautiful babies ! My brother Seth just got married to Lizzy Pratt last month . Our entire family minus my 4 sweet nieces in Germany were able to come and it was just so so great to see and celebrate with everyone . Lizzy is actually Nadine 's youngest sister , and she fits into our family so well . She and Seth went to Dallas for internships but will be back to BYU in the fall . Yay ! Brian is down here working and we see him almost weekly . It 's been so great to get to know him better . He 's smart and easy going and positive and fun to be around . My mom went down to be with Mikelle after the babies were born , then came up for the wedding , then stayed another week with me and we went to women 's conference together ! I was SO great to spend that time together . She helped me get on top of my life again , and I feel renewed in every way . Jane meeting Maple As for the details , maybe I 'll get a chance to get to those soon . Kevin is taking some pretty intense classes toward his CFP right now and in the next few months , so there will be more time in my evenings to do stuff other than hanging out with him since he has to study . Sorry , though , blog . You 're not a great replacement . You 'll do , but I love him a lot . He works hard both at work and at home and lately I can see him changing for the better in subtle ways . It 's hard to put my finger on it , but it 's there and I 'm impressed with who he 's becoming . Don 't get me wrong , I 've always been impressed with him , but he 's getting even better and I think that 's worth noting . Disclaimer : It has almost been a year since Caleb joined our family , and I can probably count on one hand the number of times I 've gotten more than 4 hours of sleep in a stretch . So , dear Cabes , if this account lacks detail because my brain is a little foggy , resist the temptation to find in this a reason to feel slighted . Instead see this muddled account as golden proof of my devotion to you and your constant well - being , day and ( especially ) night , for months on end . It took me a long time to settle on a midwife for Caleb 's delivery . After Jane 's beautiful home birth , I was excited to have a similar experience this time around . Because we had moved further away , my midwife for Jane ( and my miscarried pregnancies ) felt it best that I find someone closer . It made sense , but I was disappointed and still a little broken from the miscarriages , so I put off the task for way too long . I found one in December , and although it didn 't seem like the best fit , it really was too late to change . She was a very good , kind person . I can definitely see how many people would just adore her . She would talk to Caleb in my belly and had a strong feeling that his birth would be wonderful . She was dedicated and very knowledgeable when it came to herbs and natural things . Any ailment or symptom I had could be alleviated with some kind of herb or goat 's whey or diet change . She is good at what she does , very passionate . But I really just wanted to take TUMS without being made to feel like I was ruining my placenta . I wanted someone to tell me I had the blood pressure of a 7 year old , and a blood type that loves babies , and that it might help to try upping my water intake in a way that didn 't feel like I was in trouble , all things Rebecca , my previous midwife , had done . Really , I just wanted to have someone who saw my life full of children and recognized that this pregnancy was very important , but that I had so many things to focus on , and I didn 't need another reason to feel like I was failing . My baby was growing and nothing was going wrong . I just needed that to be enough . This midwife had been unable to have children , and had made natural birth and living her passion . I had not . I just liked having Jane at home and wanted to do that again . I wasn 't driven by a hatred of hospitals , doctors , or medication , or by a love of all things holistic and natural . I just liked the peaceful feeling that had accompanied Jane 's entrance into the world . So while I appreciated her knowledge , I generally left our visits feeling worse than before . She had two apprentices , and while I liked them both , this caused it 's own sort of distress for me . About 3 . 5 weeks before my due date , labor really started . I 'd had babies this early before , and Caleb was measuring big , so I was excited ! I labored for about an hour as the contractions grew more intense . Because Jane had arrived so quickly , I wanted to make sure the midwife had enough time to get to our house . When I was SURE things were progressing , I had Kevin make the call . My midwife said she 'd head over and that the assistants might arrive before she did . Within 15 minutes , my labor stopped completely . I 'm not sure why , but it really felt like my discomfort with my midwife and my guilt over dragging 3 people out of their beds and away from their families caused me enough stress to just stop labor cold . And that happened twice . It made for a long last few weeks of pregnancy . I took several pictures there at the end , hopeful that each one would be the last . Turns out , this was my last one , taken just a few hours before his birth , though I didn 't know it at the time . My current house has awesome carpet and SO . MANY . MIRRORS . Every closet door , several in each bathroom , even an entire wall of my room ( exciting , right ? ; ) ) , so as a result , you can see the birth tub in the angle on the right in this picture . I can 't say that I didn 't have any clue that Caleb was coming when I took this , though I wasn 't having contractions yet . That morning I was stressed , just a little bit . My mom had already bought tickets to come for 5 day . . . I think arriving on the 11th , though I 'm not certain about that . I just know that it was coming up , and I was worried she 'd miss the baby entirely . I was due on the 14th , and as I said earlier , I 'd had a lot of labor , but none for several days . SO . . . I was worried and stressed and tired . I just wanted peace and I knelt and prayed for it the morning of the ninth . I prayed that I could stop worrying , that I could let go of trying to control the situation . I immediately opened my scriptures and read this verse in the Book of Mormon , in 3rd Nephi Chaper 1 : I hope this doesn 't sound sacrilegious , because I know this verse is about the Savior , but it spoke peace to my soul . I felt like I knew that my son was coming and that I could just enjoy these last few . . . hours , days . . . I wasn 't sure how literally to take the scripture , but I did feel at ease . I did enjoy that day . I remember reading with Adam and Jane , doing a little laundry , talking to my mom and sisters about my hopes for a baby " on the morrow " and just relaxing about the whole situation . Well , in that picture up there it was bedtime , and I didn 't know what to think . I hadn 't felt a single contraction and it was after 10 . The kids were all soundly sleeping , so we went to bed , but I couldn 't relax and I let myself get worried again . I went out at around 11 : 20 and started walking up and down our stairs . After about 5 reps and no progress , I leaned against the wall , feeling discouraged . But the scripture , " be still , and know that I am God . " came to mind . I felt peaceful again and went back to bed . At about 11 : 45 , I had a strong contraction . Yay ! Then . . . nothing . Nothing . I prayed for more peace , and it was quickly granted . I fell asleep within a few minutes . Then , at 12 : 20 , I woke up to another strong contraction , and my water broke ! Kevin called the midwife and began filling the birth tub . My contractions came hard and close from then on . Kevin was my person , helping me through the contractions and giving encouragement . We felt like a team to me . When Jane was born , he was focused on blowing up and filling the tub , and I just did my thing , calling him to help when I really needed it . This time , we were more prepared , and we had a little more time , so he was with me and I loved it . The midwife and assistants all arrived at around 1 : 12 , but it was a few minutes before I wanted them to come in to my room . I was just really focused and didn 't want to talk to anyone . They came in and I felt like I wanted to get in the tub . I did and one of the assistants listened to the baby 's heart between contractions . She wanted me to tell her when another contraction came , so she could hear how the baby was doing during contractions . One started almost immediately , and I told her , but I couldn 't stay still . It was very strong and I needed to turn onto my knees . It didn 't let up , and I suddenly felt very irrational . My thoughts were something like " I can 't do this , I hate this , why do I have to do this ? I 'm done . I can 't do this ! " Then , I pushed . Caleb 's head came out with one push and it took everyone a few seconds to realize it . I was still in my own zone , but could hear them say , Oh , there 's the head ! I just wanted to be done , so whether they were ready or not , I pushed again , and out slid the rest of him , into Kevin 's waiting arms , as it turns out . It was 1 : 19 am . I heard him cry before I saw him and I can 't describe my relief . He was alive , and breathing ! In all those months of pregnancy , I had worried so very much . I honestly was shocked when they put a healthy , fat , red Caleb in my arms . I looked him over , basically amazed that he was completely fine , but he was . At 8 pounds 10 ounces , he was a full pound bigger than my next biggest baby . He had fuzzy dark hair , another surprise . We got out of the tub and quickly settled into bed . He just seemed so robust and healthy , and I cried tears of gratitude and disbelief . My soul seemed to heal immediately . The midwife and assistants cleaned everything up , I think they made us a smoothie . They gave Caleb a full examination and everything was great . Honestly , it was a blur . A happy blur . In the weeks before Caleb 's arrival , I 'd lay in my bed and picture him nestled next to me , and here he was , just as I 'd pictured . He was so familiar to me , even in those first moments . They eventually left . We marveled . We slept . Our kids woke up to a new brother ! Friends and family rallied around to celebrate , and to make us feel comfortable and loved . My friend Amy came with dinner and a quilt and took pictures of all of us , but they aren 't on this computer . Such treasures that I will share when I get them switched over . Here 's one : Kevin 's sister , Julie , took Adam and Jane for hours and Nicole picked Austin up from Kindergarten and kept him so we could rest while the other boys were at school . Mikelle surprised me by driving the 4 hours up from Kanab and arrived in the afternoon . The only rough thing was that I had no prescription medication to help ease the afterbirth pain , and it was excruciating for the first 2 - 3 days . Worse than labor , except for maybe the last 2 minutes . I was so grateful for all of the help during that time so I didn 't have to do anything but stay in bed with my sweet baby . The heating pad was my best friend , but when I would nurse Caleb , sometimes the cramping was so intense I 'd have to quickly put him down and curl into a ball to try to cope . That , I remember clearly . ; ) My mom arrived on the eleventh ( double checked in Kevin 's journal ) and was so helpful , as always . No one loves babies like she does and it 's been a treasure to share each of mine with her . And from there , the days seem to run together . It took us about a week to settle on a name , in the end it was between Henry and Caleb . We tried Henry first and it felt forced and didn 't seem to be the right one . Then we tried Caleb and it was immediately comfortable and just felt like it was who he was . Like I said , He 's most often Cabes , Cabey , Cubs , or Cubby to us now , but I love the name Caleb as well . We love him so much and feel so blessed to have him as our lucky number 7 ! Caleb 's arrival marked the definitive end to a hard period of time for me , and I feel I need to address that before I can explain my feelings surrounding his birth . The reason this blog was entirely abandoned for so long was that I didn 't know how to write about my miscarriages , but didn 't think I could just write as if they didn 't happen . I had two between Jane and Caleb . The first at 11 weeks and the second at 20 . My first miscarriage started as a pregnancy I wasn 't exactly trying for . Jane and that baby would have been 17 months apart , so not crazy by my standards , just sooner than I was planning . It took a few days to process it , then I was just excited . The weeks of the first trimester seem to take forever , and I was almost done with them , but when I went in for my first appointment at 11 weeks , it was clear something was wrong . The baby was measuring so small and the little heartbeat was steady but very slow . There was nothing to do but wait for an inevitable miscarriage . It was an awful 5 days , knowing the baby was slowly dying and I could do nothing . When it was over , I felt on the fence about having another baby soon . The pregnancy had helped me get excited about the thought of another , but the loss left me sad and a little disoriented . After about 4 months , we tried again and I was pregnant right away . I was happy , but scared . I held my breath at my 10 week appointment , but all was well . It was such a relief ! At 14 . 5 weeks we went to the mall to find out the gender of our baby . 100 % boy ! He was measuring just right and moving all over . We had all of the kids with us , and had made a deal that if it was a girl we 'd get ice cream and if it was a boy we 'd get doughnuts . Doughnuts it was ! We went to Harmon 's and bought a box , then went to their upstairs dining area and divvied them up . It was a fun memory . : ) My next appointment with my midwife was at 20 weeks . It was on Valentines Day . Kevin was sick , so I left Jane and Adam napping with him and brought Austin and Noah with me . I was excited to see our little guy again , but . . . there was no heartbeat . She did an ultrasound and our little boy wasn 't moving . He was gone . He 'd died at least a few weeks earlier . My midwife was very kind , explaining some options I had . It was all a blur . I told her I 'd talk to Kevin and call her when I got home . I couldn 't bring myself to call anyone . I was so so sad . I packed my little boys into the car and drove the 25 minutes home sobbing . Noah , who was 6 , asked what was wrong . I told him our baby had died and that it made me really sad . Kevin was as shocked as I was . There were decisions to be made about how to get the baby out . I could take cytotech , and basically go into labor and deliver him at home . I could go to the hospital , and possibly get a d & c . I prayed for discernment and felt very peaceful about staying at home . Danny and Nicole came and picked up all of our kids . My midwife sent a prescription for the cytotech and Kevin picked it up along with some dinner for us . We enjoyed the time alone together before the contractions started . It was hard , but I think we both felt a lot of peace that night . Our little son was born within a few hours . We got to hold his little body and marvel at his perfect fingers and toes . There were no complications , and physically I healed very quickly . Emotionally , it took longer . I felt pretty numb for a while , then anti - social . I lost some of my zest for life and it took a long time before I felt like myself again . I had always thought it would be fairly easy to recover from that kind of thing . But it all hit me harder than I would have expected . I didn 't understand the losses , the second one especially . I wasn 't bitter , but I wasn 't turning to the Lord for strength either . I was just going along and some days were harder than others , but I just sort of floated through things , breaking down from time to time . I never doubted that the Lord was aware of me , or that this was part of His plan , but I was very halfhearted in my attempts to connect with Him . I regret this , but have since felt that He understood and didn 't hold it against me . I think I could have spared myself some pain , though , if I 'd allowed Him to help more . All was not misery between my first miscarriage and Caleb 's birth . We went on some wonderful trips , and my day to day life was full of children whose happiness was contagious . There were many , many joyful moments . I do wish I 'd been better at recording them . I was pregnant with Caleb 3 months after the second miscarriage , and I worried about him all the time . I was sure something would go wrong with the pregnancy or that he wouldn 't be healthy after he was born . We moved about 20 minutes away during that pregnancy ( another post waiting to happen ) and I had to find a new midwife . I put it off forever , I think I was functioning under that attitude that no news was good news and worried that an appointment would bring bad news . Caleb was soothing to me , though , even in the womb . If I EVER feared that something was wrong , he would move , as if to reassure me that he was fine . I felt a bond with him and prayed that all would be well . So many prayers that all would be okay . Inspired by my friend , Courtney , who was inspired by our friend , Diane , I am going to attempt to post at least once a week this year . Whew ! It 's a lofty goal for me , but it 's time to come back to life . First things first : An Introduction ! Caleb James joined our family on a cold dark night in February , 2015 . February 10th . He was my biggest baby by a pound , and I really should dedicate a full post to his birth , but not yet . This is just a quick catch up . So , without further ado . . . Caleb ! The last one was taken just yesterday . He 's almost 11 months now and is walking all over ! He 's brought so much happiness to our family and all of his siblings think he 's just the best baby in the world . He knows how to cheer up even the crankiest brother or console the saddest sister . They simply can 't help but smile when he 's around and he seems to really be aware of their feelings . Personally , I love this sweet boy with all my heart . He soothes my soul . He 's smart and busy , but also peaceful and content . And he has BROWN hair ! It 's not dark brown , but it 's the darkest we 've had . It 's funny seeing him with Jane . She 's so fair and petite and he 's big and dark . She 'll take his hands and walk backwards all over the house , leading him from room to room faster than he could go on his own . He 'll go along with her schemes . I should say , we rarely call him Caleb . It 's almost always Cabes , Cabey , Cubby , or Cubs . And his only real downside is that he only like sleeping in my arms , and even then not very soundly . He likes to nurse OFTEN . And frankly , I 'm too tired to not nurse him when he wakes up , so he 'll eat , then settle back into his favorite spot . This was just this morning . . . and there are many more just like it . But as tired as I am , I still find it endearing . He likes to be close , and I can 't say that 's a bad thing . So if I make no sense sometimes , just know I 'm sleep deprived , but it 's for a good cause . : ) It keeps him happy . and chubby . Just a few more weeks of school and then we 'll be free ! I love that thought and have been counting down for some time now . . . like since January . It 's not just because I tire of the daily disruption of picking them up . I genuinely like having them here . with me . It 's going to be a good summer , too . We are building a tree house of sorts ( well , Kevin is ) and I can 't wait for it to be done so my boys can get adventuring in it . Here 's where it stands right now : That tube there on the bottom left is going to be an awesome slide . I think Kev will finish the floor this week , then on to the railing and ladder . I think we 'll enclose the bottom and make it a sandbox . It 's taking a long time , weeks and weeks . . . I just can 't wait because I 'm so excited ! I wish we had a good branch for attaching some kind of tire swing . . . maybe we 'll figure something out . For mother 's day I 've asked for a fence = ) Our yard is fenced , but not enclosed on the sides of our house . It 's something we just keep meaning to do , but haven 't done . We can 't decide if we should hire someone , or just do it ourselves ( kevin 's self ) . Kev is feeling particularly handy lately thanks to the tree house , and I do think he can totally handle it . I just don 't know if I can handle the time it will probably take . I 've heard that when it comes to this sort of thing people want things done well , done fast , and done cheap . . . but you can only ever have two out of the three . I can tell Kevin wants to do it , so that is probably what will happen . I 'll just have to remind myself that I asked for it when I don 't see him for 3 Saturdays in a row . How much is it worth to just have it done in 4 hours ? Oh , so tempting . . . Despite all of this home improvement , I 'm starting to really feel the desire to move . I love my house . I love so many things about my house . I just dream of more land . Our friends are moving left and right and houses are selling quickly in our area for good prices . It 's made me itchy . I 'm content to stay for now , happy even . But I can 't help it if my fingers keep typing in utahrealestate . com each time I sit down to my computer . . . I just can 't help it . I didn 't start this post with a theme , but I see it . I 'm impatiently counting down the days until summer , I want a tree house and I want it now , and a fence now , and I want land now . Do you think maybe I could use some patience ? umm . . . yes . = ) Jane can scoot , but she can 't quite crawl . As Jane is in between phases right now , her attempts at advancing often look as if she 's trying to strengthen her core while achieving inner tranquility . { gently ease yourself into the downward dog position } { while maintaining that position , slowly lift your right leg } Beautiful quilt courtesy of Amy Springer , who also took the amazing pictures the morning after Jane 's birth . She is truly one of my heroes . 2 comments : It seems like an appropriate time of year for this little blog of mine to come back to life . My computer was out of commission for months because my sons broke the cord and I never made time to order another one . We have a tablet and smart phones , and Kevin has his laptop that he brought home on weekends , so I just got used to living without one . The only real casualty was this blog because it requires lots of typing , which takes too much time on a tablet and weekends go by so quickly that I never thought to post while the laptop was home . My sister - in - law offered me a cord that belonged to a broken laptop of theirs , so here we are again . Where to start . . . ? Jane is 8 months old today . I really hate that I 've missed out on recording her little babyhood . She is so great . She was sortof difficult for the first few months , but has since become very easy and sweet . Not a great sleeper , though I blame that entirely on myself . She 's not a bad sleeper . She usually wakes twice a night to eat , but then just goes right back to sleep . She 's a petite little thing , but is loving real food , so I think she may start to bulk up a bit . My mother - in - law is a tiny woman , so maybe Jane will be too . Austin continues to love her , but she 's gaining more fans around here as she comes to life more and more . She wants to crawl and looks like she 's doing yoga as she tries to figure it out . She does manage to roll / scoot wherever she pleases , just not as quickly as she 'd like . Adam is two and is talking more and more . He 's got quite the personality , though he can 't quite express it fully with his limited language abilities . He makes up for it in spade with his facial expressions and body language . He 's a little naughty . Really , quite naughty . Austin told me we could give him to a different family and yesterday Jack declared him the naughtiest boy on earth . Kevin responded by saying that it wasn 't so . He had read about a boy in Mexico who really was the naughtiest boy on earth . Of course the boys wanted to know all of the naughty things that boy did , so we spent the next fifteen minutes listing off whatever naughty thing came to mind . . . cutting every cord in the house , bashing the TV with a hammer , hiding his dad 's keys in his diaper , putting paint in the washer . . . the boys were loving it , and I think it helped them see that Adam really isn 't so bad after all . He doesn 't do any of those things . Austin just turned four and , well , he 's a puzzle of extremes at the moment . Take his birthday , for example . I only had a few little things for him to open throughout the day because I hadn 't been organized enough to decide on and purchase a main present . He was thrilled with it all . He was grateful and he shared with his brothers all day . We took him to Walmart to pic out something bigger gifts that night . He found a pinwheel , a glowstick , a ball , and a $ 5 gumball machine and he thought he 'd died and gone to heaven . He had a huge smile across his face and said " this is the best birthday ever ! " many times . I was so pleased with my grateful little son . BUT . . . The next day Kevin 's parents came over to bring him a gift . They 'd called in advance to find out what he liked . We 'd told them how he likes to dress up as superheroes . They were nice enough to buy him two great masks . The gifts were nicer than any we had purchased for him . He unwrapped them and immediately scowled and said he didn 't want them and that he wouldn 't wear them . He threw them on the ground and cried . When it was time for Grandma and Grandpa to leave , he gathered up the masks , pushed them at my mother - in - law and said " You take these to YOUR house , I don 't want them ! " I was so embarrassed ! Fortunately , he is generally neither amazingly good or horribly bad , but you just never know for sure what you 'll get from him . Noah is so great . He is chipper and sharing . He has quite the knack for peace negotiating and he really just wants everyone to get along . He may be a little too fun - loving : ) We recently assigned daily chores to the four older boys . Noah , almost without fail , will say " What ! ? I have to do this again ! ? Every day I have to do this and it 's the hardest one ! . . . " And then he acts like it 's killing him . It takes FOR . EV . ER . and a dozen reminders to actually get it done . They each have their strengths , right ? He 's starting to read and I think he 'll breeze through kindergarten next year . I will miss him something terrible . I love that little guy . Taylor is enjoying his Kindergarten year . He is a funny little wonder . Taylor is complex . Some days he is just so hard . He is the source of the most conflict in our home . He is stubborn and unyielding . I shouldn 't say UNyielding . He 's much more yielding now than he was a few years ago . He sometimes gets it in his mind how things should go , or how they shouldn 't and transitioning out of that mindset is difficult for him . But not at school . At school he does great . He 's quiet and content . I don 't really know what to think of it . I should add that he is also my most grateful child , and is the opposite of Noah when it comes to cleaning . He does his job thoroughly without complaint or a reminder . And he is also my most lovable child and would cuddle with me for hours if I wanted . And he is the best at getting us all laughing . Like I said . . . complex . I don 't know who he 'll turn out to be , but he just gets better every year . Jack is growing up . He 'll be eight in June . He 's gone for hours every day and I feel a little more distant from him in general , though it 's easy to reconnect with him over a game of Yahtzee or a good book . He 's going to be baptized this year and I feel like he is gaining some maturity beyond his years . We 're reading the Book of Mormon as a family and are set to finish on his birthday . He pays attention and asks thoughtful questions . He can be a little sulky at times , but he 's generally pleasant . He tells me every day what he really wants the most for his birthday , and it changes almost that often . Yesterday it was a violin , the day before it was a bike . With a few months still to go , I 'm not going shopping quite yet = ) And us . Well , we 're good . I 've been busy at home , wishing away the winter . The weather today has been so nice and I am in a good mood . It has been a LONG winter here in Utah and Kevin has big plans for a modest tree house and I may attempt a tiny garden . . . if I get brave enough this year . Nicole and I are itching to go out yardsaling again . Mikelle and Jeff got married in February and are living down in Provo , so we still see them weekly , sometimes more if we 're lucky . And that pretty much sums it up . whew ! = ) I 'm Natalie : ) I started this blog 8 years ago when life was harder , but simpler . We had 3 little boys at the time and have since added 2 more boys , then a girl , then another boy ( and a cat and a dog ) to the mix . Lately I 'm finding that memories are quick to leave my brain . Through this blog I hope to chronicle these crazy , hard , precious years so I can relive them in my old age . : )
|
Once a week has proven a bit too much to attempt , so maybe I 'll lower my expectations to once every other month or so : / It does make it harder to focus on the everyday this way , though . Broad strokes covering the major highlights of our life are good , but not what I love to write about . So , brief overview first , then maybe some of the things our days are made of if I can get to that . I 'm 25 weeks along with another little boy ! I laughed and shook my head when I saw on the ultrasound screen clear evidence that HE would be our seventh son . I have no sadness over this , as much as I love my girl and would love to have another . I also love my boys and am thrilled to welcome this sweet son into our family in August . It is amusing , though . All . these . boys . This baby and Caleb will be 18 months apart . I 'll be honest and say he 's coming sooner than I had planned on . The beginning of this pregnancy had me feeling overwhelmed . I always feel sooo wiped out at first . Not sick , but such low energy . Because I thought I for sure wasn 't pregnant for the first few weeks I kept wondering what in the world my deal was . Caleb was a rotten sleeper and I was up often with him , but I had been handling that okay for months . Suddenly , I had NO motivation and it felt like I was just dragging through each day . It felt like my blood turned to thick molasses , making every movement slow and hard . When I sat or laid down that molasses would ooze into whatever I was slumped upon making it a huge task to get up and going again . Then , upon hearing my symptoms , Nicole insisted that I take a test right away . It was positive and I felt some relief that at least I could explain my absolute sluggishness . Even knowing why I felt that way , I still struggled . Looking back , I can see that the newness and unexpectedness of the news combined with the exhausted and hormonal physical challenges made this pregnancy and the addition of a baby seem incredibly daunting . I was excited , but I felt very inadequate . On the 12 week mark almost to the day , my energy returned . It felt miraculous and I was able to see the landscape of my life through a better lens , a more realistic one , really . I would be adding another child to our family , yes . And that thought wasn 't so hard because I would actually be a functioning person if the baby wasn 't inside of me . I had allowed my first trimester self to project that I would feel the same exhaustion I feel during the first part of pregnancy , still have to meet the needs of my other seven children , and be up all night and day caring for a new baby . Not so . Pregnancy exhaustion and new baby sleep deprivation are two very different things . I know how to be pretty sleep deprived and still live a mostly normal , happy life . I can deal with lack of sleep . AND we 'll love this baby , which will make it all easier . Goodnight , so much for broad strokes . Well , to sum up everything else . . . The older kids are finishing up the school year , Jack is doing choir , Taylor started piano lessons and seems to have a real knack for it , the three older boys are all in scouts , and they 'll all be doing swimming lessons in a few weeks . Adam does an online preschool program every day and is just on the cusp of reading . He and Jane have some good little friends and we often do playgroups during the week . We spent a few weeks working with Caleb to help him sleep better , and now he 's a champ ( no crying it out involved ! yay ! ) so we 're getting good sleep . Kevin is busy at work , and things are going well there . Mikelle and Nicole both had twins , so I 'm a new aunt 4 times over . Nicole 's girls , Lucy and Macy , are miracle preemie babies that actually come home tomorrow ! I cannot wait to meet them in person . They 've been in my heart and prayers for months and months . I was able to be there with Mikelle for the births of Maple and Jameson , and that was amazing ! They are all beautiful babies ! My brother Seth just got married to Lizzy Pratt last month . Our entire family minus my 4 sweet nieces in Germany were able to come and it was just so so great to see and celebrate with everyone . Lizzy is actually Nadine 's youngest sister , and she fits into our family so well . She and Seth went to Dallas for internships but will be back to BYU in the fall . Yay ! Brian is down here working and we see him almost weekly . It 's been so great to get to know him better . He 's smart and easy going and positive and fun to be around . My mom went down to be with Mikelle after the babies were born , then came up for the wedding , then stayed another week with me and we went to women 's conference together ! I was SO great to spend that time together . She helped me get on top of my life again , and I feel renewed in every way . Jane meeting Maple As for the details , maybe I 'll get a chance to get to those soon . Kevin is taking some pretty intense classes toward his CFP right now and in the next few months , so there will be more time in my evenings to do stuff other than hanging out with him since he has to study . Sorry , though , blog . You 're not a great replacement . You 'll do , but I love him a lot . He works hard both at work and at home and lately I can see him changing for the better in subtle ways . It 's hard to put my finger on it , but it 's there and I 'm impressed with who he 's becoming . Don 't get me wrong , I 've always been impressed with him , but he 's getting even better and I think that 's worth noting . Disclaimer : It has almost been a year since Caleb joined our family , and I can probably count on one hand the number of times I 've gotten more than 4 hours of sleep in a stretch . So , dear Cabes , if this account lacks detail because my brain is a little foggy , resist the temptation to find in this a reason to feel slighted . Instead see this muddled account as golden proof of my devotion to you and your constant well - being , day and ( especially ) night , for months on end . It took me a long time to settle on a midwife for Caleb 's delivery . After Jane 's beautiful home birth , I was excited to have a similar experience this time around . Because we had moved further away , my midwife for Jane ( and my miscarried pregnancies ) felt it best that I find someone closer . It made sense , but I was disappointed and still a little broken from the miscarriages , so I put off the task for way too long . I found one in December , and although it didn 't seem like the best fit , it really was too late to change . She was a very good , kind person . I can definitely see how many people would just adore her . She would talk to Caleb in my belly and had a strong feeling that his birth would be wonderful . She was dedicated and very knowledgeable when it came to herbs and natural things . Any ailment or symptom I had could be alleviated with some kind of herb or goat 's whey or diet change . She is good at what she does , very passionate . But I really just wanted to take TUMS without being made to feel like I was ruining my placenta . I wanted someone to tell me I had the blood pressure of a 7 year old , and a blood type that loves babies , and that it might help to try upping my water intake in a way that didn 't feel like I was in trouble , all things Rebecca , my previous midwife , had done . Really , I just wanted to have someone who saw my life full of children and recognized that this pregnancy was very important , but that I had so many things to focus on , and I didn 't need another reason to feel like I was failing . My baby was growing and nothing was going wrong . I just needed that to be enough . This midwife had been unable to have children , and had made natural birth and living her passion . I had not . I just liked having Jane at home and wanted to do that again . I wasn 't driven by a hatred of hospitals , doctors , or medication , or by a love of all things holistic and natural . I just liked the peaceful feeling that had accompanied Jane 's entrance into the world . So while I appreciated her knowledge , I generally left our visits feeling worse than before . She had two apprentices , and while I liked them both , this caused it 's own sort of distress for me . About 3 . 5 weeks before my due date , labor really started . I 'd had babies this early before , and Caleb was measuring big , so I was excited ! I labored for about an hour as the contractions grew more intense . Because Jane had arrived so quickly , I wanted to make sure the midwife had enough time to get to our house . When I was SURE things were progressing , I had Kevin make the call . My midwife said she 'd head over and that the assistants might arrive before she did . Within 15 minutes , my labor stopped completely . I 'm not sure why , but it really felt like my discomfort with my midwife and my guilt over dragging 3 people out of their beds and away from their families caused me enough stress to just stop labor cold . And that happened twice . It made for a long last few weeks of pregnancy . I took several pictures there at the end , hopeful that each one would be the last . Turns out , this was my last one , taken just a few hours before his birth , though I didn 't know it at the time . My current house has awesome carpet and SO . MANY . MIRRORS . Every closet door , several in each bathroom , even an entire wall of my room ( exciting , right ? ; ) ) , so as a result , you can see the birth tub in the angle on the right in this picture . I can 't say that I didn 't have any clue that Caleb was coming when I took this , though I wasn 't having contractions yet . That morning I was stressed , just a little bit . My mom had already bought tickets to come for 5 day . . . I think arriving on the 11th , though I 'm not certain about that . I just know that it was coming up , and I was worried she 'd miss the baby entirely . I was due on the 14th , and as I said earlier , I 'd had a lot of labor , but none for several days . SO . . . I was worried and stressed and tired . I just wanted peace and I knelt and prayed for it the morning of the ninth . I prayed that I could stop worrying , that I could let go of trying to control the situation . I immediately opened my scriptures and read this verse in the Book of Mormon , in 3rd Nephi Chaper 1 : I hope this doesn 't sound sacrilegious , because I know this verse is about the Savior , but it spoke peace to my soul . I felt like I knew that my son was coming and that I could just enjoy these last few . . . hours , days . . . I wasn 't sure how literally to take the scripture , but I did feel at ease . I did enjoy that day . I remember reading with Adam and Jane , doing a little laundry , talking to my mom and sisters about my hopes for a baby " on the morrow " and just relaxing about the whole situation . Well , in that picture up there it was bedtime , and I didn 't know what to think . I hadn 't felt a single contraction and it was after 10 . The kids were all soundly sleeping , so we went to bed , but I couldn 't relax and I let myself get worried again . I went out at around 11 : 20 and started walking up and down our stairs . After about 5 reps and no progress , I leaned against the wall , feeling discouraged . But the scripture , " be still , and know that I am God . " came to mind . I felt peaceful again and went back to bed . At about 11 : 45 , I had a strong contraction . Yay ! Then . . . nothing . Nothing . I prayed for more peace , and it was quickly granted . I fell asleep within a few minutes . Then , at 12 : 20 , I woke up to another strong contraction , and my water broke ! Kevin called the midwife and began filling the birth tub . My contractions came hard and close from then on . Kevin was my person , helping me through the contractions and giving encouragement . We felt like a team to me . When Jane was born , he was focused on blowing up and filling the tub , and I just did my thing , calling him to help when I really needed it . This time , we were more prepared , and we had a little more time , so he was with me and I loved it . The midwife and assistants all arrived at around 1 : 12 , but it was a few minutes before I wanted them to come in to my room . I was just really focused and didn 't want to talk to anyone . They came in and I felt like I wanted to get in the tub . I did and one of the assistants listened to the baby 's heart between contractions . She wanted me to tell her when another contraction came , so she could hear how the baby was doing during contractions . One started almost immediately , and I told her , but I couldn 't stay still . It was very strong and I needed to turn onto my knees . It didn 't let up , and I suddenly felt very irrational . My thoughts were something like " I can 't do this , I hate this , why do I have to do this ? I 'm done . I can 't do this ! " Then , I pushed . Caleb 's head came out with one push and it took everyone a few seconds to realize it . I was still in my own zone , but could hear them say , Oh , there 's the head ! I just wanted to be done , so whether they were ready or not , I pushed again , and out slid the rest of him , into Kevin 's waiting arms , as it turns out . It was 1 : 19 am . I heard him cry before I saw him and I can 't describe my relief . He was alive , and breathing ! In all those months of pregnancy , I had worried so very much . I honestly was shocked when they put a healthy , fat , red Caleb in my arms . I looked him over , basically amazed that he was completely fine , but he was . At 8 pounds 10 ounces , he was a full pound bigger than my next biggest baby . He had fuzzy dark hair , another surprise . We got out of the tub and quickly settled into bed . He just seemed so robust and healthy , and I cried tears of gratitude and disbelief . My soul seemed to heal immediately . The midwife and assistants cleaned everything up , I think they made us a smoothie . They gave Caleb a full examination and everything was great . Honestly , it was a blur . A happy blur . In the weeks before Caleb 's arrival , I 'd lay in my bed and picture him nestled next to me , and here he was , just as I 'd pictured . He was so familiar to me , even in those first moments . They eventually left . We marveled . We slept . Our kids woke up to a new brother ! Friends and family rallied around to celebrate , and to make us feel comfortable and loved . My friend Amy came with dinner and a quilt and took pictures of all of us , but they aren 't on this computer . Such treasures that I will share when I get them switched over . Here 's one : Kevin 's sister , Julie , took Adam and Jane for hours and Nicole picked Austin up from Kindergarten and kept him so we could rest while the other boys were at school . Mikelle surprised me by driving the 4 hours up from Kanab and arrived in the afternoon . The only rough thing was that I had no prescription medication to help ease the afterbirth pain , and it was excruciating for the first 2 - 3 days . Worse than labor , except for maybe the last 2 minutes . I was so grateful for all of the help during that time so I didn 't have to do anything but stay in bed with my sweet baby . The heating pad was my best friend , but when I would nurse Caleb , sometimes the cramping was so intense I 'd have to quickly put him down and curl into a ball to try to cope . That , I remember clearly . ; ) My mom arrived on the eleventh ( double checked in Kevin 's journal ) and was so helpful , as always . No one loves babies like she does and it 's been a treasure to share each of mine with her . And from there , the days seem to run together . It took us about a week to settle on a name , in the end it was between Henry and Caleb . We tried Henry first and it felt forced and didn 't seem to be the right one . Then we tried Caleb and it was immediately comfortable and just felt like it was who he was . Like I said , He 's most often Cabes , Cabey , Cubs , or Cubby to us now , but I love the name Caleb as well . We love him so much and feel so blessed to have him as our lucky number 7 ! Caleb 's arrival marked the definitive end to a hard period of time for me , and I feel I need to address that before I can explain my feelings surrounding his birth . The reason this blog was entirely abandoned for so long was that I didn 't know how to write about my miscarriages , but didn 't think I could just write as if they didn 't happen . I had two between Jane and Caleb . The first at 11 weeks and the second at 20 . My first miscarriage started as a pregnancy I wasn 't exactly trying for . Jane and that baby would have been 17 months apart , so not crazy by my standards , just sooner than I was planning . It took a few days to process it , then I was just excited . The weeks of the first trimester seem to take forever , and I was almost done with them , but when I went in for my first appointment at 11 weeks , it was clear something was wrong . The baby was measuring so small and the little heartbeat was steady but very slow . There was nothing to do but wait for an inevitable miscarriage . It was an awful 5 days , knowing the baby was slowly dying and I could do nothing . When it was over , I felt on the fence about having another baby soon . The pregnancy had helped me get excited about the thought of another , but the loss left me sad and a little disoriented . After about 4 months , we tried again and I was pregnant right away . I was happy , but scared . I held my breath at my 10 week appointment , but all was well . It was such a relief ! At 14 . 5 weeks we went to the mall to find out the gender of our baby . 100 % boy ! He was measuring just right and moving all over . We had all of the kids with us , and had made a deal that if it was a girl we 'd get ice cream and if it was a boy we 'd get doughnuts . Doughnuts it was ! We went to Harmon 's and bought a box , then went to their upstairs dining area and divvied them up . It was a fun memory . : ) My next appointment with my midwife was at 20 weeks . It was on Valentines Day . Kevin was sick , so I left Jane and Adam napping with him and brought Austin and Noah with me . I was excited to see our little guy again , but . . . there was no heartbeat . She did an ultrasound and our little boy wasn 't moving . He was gone . He 'd died at least a few weeks earlier . My midwife was very kind , explaining some options I had . It was all a blur . I told her I 'd talk to Kevin and call her when I got home . I couldn 't bring myself to call anyone . I was so so sad . I packed my little boys into the car and drove the 25 minutes home sobbing . Noah , who was 6 , asked what was wrong . I told him our baby had died and that it made me really sad . Kevin was as shocked as I was . There were decisions to be made about how to get the baby out . I could take cytotech , and basically go into labor and deliver him at home . I could go to the hospital , and possibly get a d & c . I prayed for discernment and felt very peaceful about staying at home . Danny and Nicole came and picked up all of our kids . My midwife sent a prescription for the cytotech and Kevin picked it up along with some dinner for us . We enjoyed the time alone together before the contractions started . It was hard , but I think we both felt a lot of peace that night . Our little son was born within a few hours . We got to hold his little body and marvel at his perfect fingers and toes . There were no complications , and physically I healed very quickly . Emotionally , it took longer . I felt pretty numb for a while , then anti - social . I lost some of my zest for life and it took a long time before I felt like myself again . I had always thought it would be fairly easy to recover from that kind of thing . But it all hit me harder than I would have expected . I didn 't understand the losses , the second one especially . I wasn 't bitter , but I wasn 't turning to the Lord for strength either . I was just going along and some days were harder than others , but I just sort of floated through things , breaking down from time to time . I never doubted that the Lord was aware of me , or that this was part of His plan , but I was very halfhearted in my attempts to connect with Him . I regret this , but have since felt that He understood and didn 't hold it against me . I think I could have spared myself some pain , though , if I 'd allowed Him to help more . All was not misery between my first miscarriage and Caleb 's birth . We went on some wonderful trips , and my day to day life was full of children whose happiness was contagious . There were many , many joyful moments . I do wish I 'd been better at recording them . I was pregnant with Caleb 3 months after the second miscarriage , and I worried about him all the time . I was sure something would go wrong with the pregnancy or that he wouldn 't be healthy after he was born . We moved about 20 minutes away during that pregnancy ( another post waiting to happen ) and I had to find a new midwife . I put it off forever , I think I was functioning under that attitude that no news was good news and worried that an appointment would bring bad news . Caleb was soothing to me , though , even in the womb . If I EVER feared that something was wrong , he would move , as if to reassure me that he was fine . I felt a bond with him and prayed that all would be well . So many prayers that all would be okay . Inspired by my friend , Courtney , who was inspired by our friend , Diane , I am going to attempt to post at least once a week this year . Whew ! It 's a lofty goal for me , but it 's time to come back to life . First things first : An Introduction ! Caleb James joined our family on a cold dark night in February , 2015 . February 10th . He was my biggest baby by a pound , and I really should dedicate a full post to his birth , but not yet . This is just a quick catch up . So , without further ado . . . Caleb ! The last one was taken just yesterday . He 's almost 11 months now and is walking all over ! He 's brought so much happiness to our family and all of his siblings think he 's just the best baby in the world . He knows how to cheer up even the crankiest brother or console the saddest sister . They simply can 't help but smile when he 's around and he seems to really be aware of their feelings . Personally , I love this sweet boy with all my heart . He soothes my soul . He 's smart and busy , but also peaceful and content . And he has BROWN hair ! It 's not dark brown , but it 's the darkest we 've had . It 's funny seeing him with Jane . She 's so fair and petite and he 's big and dark . She 'll take his hands and walk backwards all over the house , leading him from room to room faster than he could go on his own . He 'll go along with her schemes . I should say , we rarely call him Caleb . It 's almost always Cabes , Cabey , Cubby , or Cubs . And his only real downside is that he only like sleeping in my arms , and even then not very soundly . He likes to nurse OFTEN . And frankly , I 'm too tired to not nurse him when he wakes up , so he 'll eat , then settle back into his favorite spot . This was just this morning . . . and there are many more just like it . But as tired as I am , I still find it endearing . He likes to be close , and I can 't say that 's a bad thing . So if I make no sense sometimes , just know I 'm sleep deprived , but it 's for a good cause . : ) It keeps him happy . and chubby . Just a few more weeks of school and then we 'll be free ! I love that thought and have been counting down for some time now . . . like since January . It 's not just because I tire of the daily disruption of picking them up . I genuinely like having them here . with me . It 's going to be a good summer , too . We are building a tree house of sorts ( well , Kevin is ) and I can 't wait for it to be done so my boys can get adventuring in it . Here 's where it stands right now : That tube there on the bottom left is going to be an awesome slide . I think Kev will finish the floor this week , then on to the railing and ladder . I think we 'll enclose the bottom and make it a sandbox . It 's taking a long time , weeks and weeks . . . I just can 't wait because I 'm so excited ! I wish we had a good branch for attaching some kind of tire swing . . . maybe we 'll figure something out . For mother 's day I 've asked for a fence = ) Our yard is fenced , but not enclosed on the sides of our house . It 's something we just keep meaning to do , but haven 't done . We can 't decide if we should hire someone , or just do it ourselves ( kevin 's self ) . Kev is feeling particularly handy lately thanks to the tree house , and I do think he can totally handle it . I just don 't know if I can handle the time it will probably take . I 've heard that when it comes to this sort of thing people want things done well , done fast , and done cheap . . . but you can only ever have two out of the three . I can tell Kevin wants to do it , so that is probably what will happen . I 'll just have to remind myself that I asked for it when I don 't see him for 3 Saturdays in a row . How much is it worth to just have it done in 4 hours ? Oh , so tempting . . . Despite all of this home improvement , I 'm starting to really feel the desire to move . I love my house . I love so many things about my house . I just dream of more land . Our friends are moving left and right and houses are selling quickly in our area for good prices . It 's made me itchy . I 'm content to stay for now , happy even . But I can 't help it if my fingers keep typing in utahrealestate . com each time I sit down to my computer . . . I just can 't help it . I didn 't start this post with a theme , but I see it . I 'm impatiently counting down the days until summer , I want a tree house and I want it now , and a fence now , and I want land now . Do you think maybe I could use some patience ? umm . . . yes . = ) Jane can scoot , but she can 't quite crawl . As Jane is in between phases right now , her attempts at advancing often look as if she 's trying to strengthen her core while achieving inner tranquility . { gently ease yourself into the downward dog position } { while maintaining that position , slowly lift your right leg } Beautiful quilt courtesy of Amy Springer , who also took the amazing pictures the morning after Jane 's birth . She is truly one of my heroes . 2 comments : It seems like an appropriate time of year for this little blog of mine to come back to life . My computer was out of commission for months because my sons broke the cord and I never made time to order another one . We have a tablet and smart phones , and Kevin has his laptop that he brought home on weekends , so I just got used to living without one . The only real casualty was this blog because it requires lots of typing , which takes too much time on a tablet and weekends go by so quickly that I never thought to post while the laptop was home . My sister - in - law offered me a cord that belonged to a broken laptop of theirs , so here we are again . Where to start . . . ? Jane is 8 months old today . I really hate that I 've missed out on recording her little babyhood . She is so great . She was sortof difficult for the first few months , but has since become very easy and sweet . Not a great sleeper , though I blame that entirely on myself . She 's not a bad sleeper . She usually wakes twice a night to eat , but then just goes right back to sleep . She 's a petite little thing , but is loving real food , so I think she may start to bulk up a bit . My mother - in - law is a tiny woman , so maybe Jane will be too . Austin continues to love her , but she 's gaining more fans around here as she comes to life more and more . She wants to crawl and looks like she 's doing yoga as she tries to figure it out . She does manage to roll / scoot wherever she pleases , just not as quickly as she 'd like . Adam is two and is talking more and more . He 's got quite the personality , though he can 't quite express it fully with his limited language abilities . He makes up for it in spade with his facial expressions and body language . He 's a little naughty . Really , quite naughty . Austin told me we could give him to a different family and yesterday Jack declared him the naughtiest boy on earth . Kevin responded by saying that it wasn 't so . He had read about a boy in Mexico who really was the naughtiest boy on earth . Of course the boys wanted to know all of the naughty things that boy did , so we spent the next fifteen minutes listing off whatever naughty thing came to mind . . . cutting every cord in the house , bashing the TV with a hammer , hiding his dad 's keys in his diaper , putting paint in the washer . . . the boys were loving it , and I think it helped them see that Adam really isn 't so bad after all . He doesn 't do any of those things . Austin just turned four and , well , he 's a puzzle of extremes at the moment . Take his birthday , for example . I only had a few little things for him to open throughout the day because I hadn 't been organized enough to decide on and purchase a main present . He was thrilled with it all . He was grateful and he shared with his brothers all day . We took him to Walmart to pic out something bigger gifts that night . He found a pinwheel , a glowstick , a ball , and a $ 5 gumball machine and he thought he 'd died and gone to heaven . He had a huge smile across his face and said " this is the best birthday ever ! " many times . I was so pleased with my grateful little son . BUT . . . The next day Kevin 's parents came over to bring him a gift . They 'd called in advance to find out what he liked . We 'd told them how he likes to dress up as superheroes . They were nice enough to buy him two great masks . The gifts were nicer than any we had purchased for him . He unwrapped them and immediately scowled and said he didn 't want them and that he wouldn 't wear them . He threw them on the ground and cried . When it was time for Grandma and Grandpa to leave , he gathered up the masks , pushed them at my mother - in - law and said " You take these to YOUR house , I don 't want them ! " I was so embarrassed ! Fortunately , he is generally neither amazingly good or horribly bad , but you just never know for sure what you 'll get from him . Noah is so great . He is chipper and sharing . He has quite the knack for peace negotiating and he really just wants everyone to get along . He may be a little too fun - loving : ) We recently assigned daily chores to the four older boys . Noah , almost without fail , will say " What ! ? I have to do this again ! ? Every day I have to do this and it 's the hardest one ! . . . " And then he acts like it 's killing him . It takes FOR . EV . ER . and a dozen reminders to actually get it done . They each have their strengths , right ? He 's starting to read and I think he 'll breeze through kindergarten next year . I will miss him something terrible . I love that little guy . Taylor is enjoying his Kindergarten year . He is a funny little wonder . Taylor is complex . Some days he is just so hard . He is the source of the most conflict in our home . He is stubborn and unyielding . I shouldn 't say UNyielding . He 's much more yielding now than he was a few years ago . He sometimes gets it in his mind how things should go , or how they shouldn 't and transitioning out of that mindset is difficult for him . But not at school . At school he does great . He 's quiet and content . I don 't really know what to think of it . I should add that he is also my most grateful child , and is the opposite of Noah when it comes to cleaning . He does his job thoroughly without complaint or a reminder . And he is also my most lovable child and would cuddle with me for hours if I wanted . And he is the best at getting us all laughing . Like I said . . . complex . I don 't know who he 'll turn out to be , but he just gets better every year . Jack is growing up . He 'll be eight in June . He 's gone for hours every day and I feel a little more distant from him in general , though it 's easy to reconnect with him over a game of Yahtzee or a good book . He 's going to be baptized this year and I feel like he is gaining some maturity beyond his years . We 're reading the Book of Mormon as a family and are set to finish on his birthday . He pays attention and asks thoughtful questions . He can be a little sulky at times , but he 's generally pleasant . He tells me every day what he really wants the most for his birthday , and it changes almost that often . Yesterday it was a violin , the day before it was a bike . With a few months still to go , I 'm not going shopping quite yet = ) And us . Well , we 're good . I 've been busy at home , wishing away the winter . The weather today has been so nice and I am in a good mood . It has been a LONG winter here in Utah and Kevin has big plans for a modest tree house and I may attempt a tiny garden . . . if I get brave enough this year . Nicole and I are itching to go out yardsaling again . Mikelle and Jeff got married in February and are living down in Provo , so we still see them weekly , sometimes more if we 're lucky . And that pretty much sums it up . whew ! = ) I 'm Natalie : ) I started this blog 8 years ago when life was harder , but simpler . We had 3 little boys at the time and have since added 2 more boys , then a girl , then another boy ( and a cat and a dog ) to the mix . Lately I 'm finding that memories are quick to leave my brain . Through this blog I hope to chronicle these crazy , hard , precious years so I can relive them in my old age . : )
|
She wasn 't like the others . She wasn 't like Stacy or Sarah or Maya . She was something else . I 've been through six states in eight towns in twenty years , and I 'll never meet anyone like her again . Every coffee shop , every gas station , every damn restaurant : I see her face . I met her in college : she was the manager of the first campus job I ever had . She was a Latina with dark brown hair and fair tan skin , her eyes a chestnut hazel . There was a tiny gap in between her two front teeth , and her nose was small and pointed . Her hair was down to her shoulders , soft to the touch and smelling of shampoo . But it wasn 't just her name that she had in common with Mary : she was angelic , timid , innocent in a way that my eyes and words almost can 't explain . She never yelled , never cursed ; her presence would brighten up the room , and her smile made you joyful and exuberant ; you could talk to her in Spanish and tell her dirty jokes and the other students would wonder what it was you guys were talking about . She was a woman , older than I , but at the same time she was also a girl , as young and as virgin as any could be . I loved her . I loved this woman , and she is gone and I will not find her again . I cannot tell if I pushed her away or if she was always far from me . But the weeks turned into months , and the months turned into a year , and the young man felt more and more like he was falling for the saint . There was more than just body : there was spirit and heart and mind . He thought about her all the time , fantasized all the time , and more and more his heart wanted to know what existed between them . She stopped dead in her tracks , her mouth opening slightly . She looked at him in the eyes for a moment , and then stepped back and sat down on the bed . She stared at the ground . She turned and laid down on the bed ; she crossed her arms and stared at the wall . The young man approached the bed and laid down with her , putting the blanket over her soft skin . He put his hand over hers and stared into her eyes . " There 's someone else … He 's a chef in Southern California . . he comes here on the weekends sometimes … We 've been together for eight years , and he wants to be together forever . I love him … How could I love you ? " She stared into his eyes , her eyes red and puffy and his becoming the same . He stood up from the bed and walked to the doorway ; he turned back around and stared at the bed and the girl who was laying there , weeping and sorrowful . He walked out of the house without another word , the rain pouring down on him . You might be wondering , why do I care about a girl who did all of this to me ? Well … I ask myself the same question . I have yet to find an answer . It 's not easy to just forget and go on . She quit her job at the café and moved to Southern California with him . I didn 't hear about it until I went back to work . I didn 't even get to say goodbye … For how long we were … together … if that 's the word … I didn 't even get to say goodbye … I wish I could 've told her I loved her … just one more time … I wish sometimes that I could go back in time and make things different . I sometimes wish I didn 't go into that coffee shop and ask for a job in a three - piece suit ; I sometimes wish I didn 't want children or marriage or a mortgage with her ; I sometimes wish I was dead , because that 's how my heart feels after all of this . I can 't blame her completely : I was the one who loved her . I like to think , in some way , she loved me and she just couldn 't say it . She didn 't have the words to say it . I didn 't see it on the news . None of her friends called me , and I didn 't hear from it at school . Two policemen showed up at my front door in Antioch . I answered the door on a particularly normal , humid summer afternoon . I saw the police cruiser outside , and the men took off their hats and asked if I was Adrian Lopez . When I replied yes , the tall , bearded cop on the left of the doorway said that there wasn 't any easy way to say this , so I 'll just say it . Your friend Maya committed suicide this morning . She left a death note on her desk : it 's got your name on it . I was in a state of sheer shock and disbelief . It took my brain a few seconds to comprehend the words that just came out of the man 's mouth . The policemen declared that they would have to take me to her house and have me answer a few questions . I sat in the doorway for a moment ; my eyes glazed a bit . And then I followed them to the police cruiser , and I didn 't say a word . I got in the back seat , and I pressed my forehead against the window . The car rocked back and forth as we sped off toward Concord , where Maya 's father lived . I looked up outside the window into the clear blue summer sky , and I could 've sworn I saw the eyes of God staring into my soul ; he was laughing . We arrived outside of her father 's house in exactly 12 minutes and 13 seconds . That was the longest 12 minutes of my entire life . The bearded policeman opened my car door , and I stepped outside to a funeral - type scene of medical technicians , the coroner , and Maya 's father standing outside the front porch of the house . He looked at me with his swollen , bloodshot red eyes ; a look of fury and depression was infused in his pupils . As I approached the house , the plethora of people split from the stone walkway and allowed me to pass onto the porch . Maya 's father , the disdainful and violent man she would always talk about , was a pathetic and unworthy sight . He had short cut black hair , and was carrying a Giants snapback in his hands . He wore a white wife beater T - shirt , and sagged his pants a few inches below his waist without a belt . As I stepped onto the front wooden porch , I turned my head and glared right into his eyes . Not one word was spilled from his lips , but I heard everything he was trying to say . The bearded policeman told me that Maya 's body was found in her bedroom : she had hung herself . He say that If you want to go inside to see her and read her note , you may do so ; but please don 't touch anything , for the room has already been detailed . A look of suspicion and pity was upon his face ; I could see it in his eyes . I trudged slowly up the staircase ; there were exactly 14 wooden steps , and the last 4 to the top creaked slightly . The walls of the house were painted a pale yellow , and there was a crucifix upon the wall at the top of the staircase . A picture of Jesus Christ himself was on the hallway wall before the door to Maya 's bedroom . It was a picture of him and his disciples at the Last Supper . I glared into the picture for a moment ; a sense of sadness and anxiety zipped right through my body . My hands began to shake , and my eyes began to tear up . I was not prepared for what I was about to see . I slowly creaked open the white door that led to Maya 's room . I closed my eyes in fear of seeing a horror that I could not handle . Once I had the door pushed up against her bedroom wall , I slowly opened my eyes with my hands covering my face . She was hung in the middle of the room from her black leather belt that was attached to the plastic chandelier in the middle of the ceiling . Her eyes were closed , but she was looking right through me . Her crispy brownish - blonde curly hair was banging down the sides of her head . Her lips and skin were pale , and her body was motionless . There was a detesting and foul odor in the room : it was the smell of death . I was overwhelmed with terror , sadness , and rage . I began to cry hysterically , and I slowly slumped down to the floor holding onto my knees . I covered my face with my hands , and rocked slightly forward and backward . I sobbingly spoke the words Why , Why , Why to myself in my fit of emotion . Adrian , I 'm sorry things went wrong between us . I was wrong to not realize how great of a guy you are . You never betrayed me or lied to me or tried to take advantage of me . You never gave up on me and you were the only one who was there for me when even I wasn 't . I am sorry that I have tortured you for so long . I have neglected you and your love , and I have caused you unspeakable amounts of pain . I am sorry . I am sorry for everything I 've put you through . This will be the last time I talk to you . I don 't deserve you . I am not good for you . I can never forgive myself for pushing away the one guy who was my best friend : you are my best friend . And I turned you away ; I neglected how perfect our lives could be together . I love you , Adrian . I always have . I always will . I 'm sorry I didn 't realize that sooner , but I am not going to hurt you anymore . I stared at the letter for a moment , and I lost it . I started screaming and crying in a state of sheer delirium . Why Maya ? Why ? I screamed . I 'm sorry ! I 'm so sorry for everything ! The policemen rushed inside and pulled me out of the bedroom and out to the front porch . I collapsed on my knees and sat there on the grass . A female medical technician kneeled down beside me and rubbed my back slowly , saying Its going to be OK . Shhhhh she said quietly . I hugged and cried into her shoulder . After the coroner had taken away Maya 's body , the medical personnel began to leave . Maya 's father shook the policemen 's hands and went into the house , and I had pulled myself together just in time to see the female medical technician get into her ambulance . She waved for me to come to the window . Are you OK ? she said . I nodded slightly , my eyes looking down to the street . She took her index finger under my chin , and raised my eyes to meet hers . You 'll be alright , hun . she said . I backed away from the ambulance and she drove off slowly down the street . I couldn 't forget the look she had in her sparkly greenish - bluish eyes . It was a look of hope . I trudged over to the police cruiser , and the policemen and I got inside and began to drive home . I looked through the rear windshield and saw Maya standing in the middle of the street , her curly crisp hair waving slightly in the wind . She had her glasses on , and she was waving goodbye to me . I turned back around , looked out the window , and did not say a word to anyone . I didn 't talk to anybody for two weeks . My mother called my work and told them to give me time off . It was summer vacation , so I didn 't have to go to school . I just stayed in my room . I didn 't eat much . I didn 't go outside or watch TV or play video games on my computer . I had the window closed most of the time , the blinds all the way shut . I would put on a apple cinnamon candle every night , and stare at it from my bed while it glowed in the darkness . My mother would open my bedroom door every morning before she went to work , and would say she loved me and that she hoped I feel better . My older brother didn 't talk to me much or see me ; I think my mother told him not to . I just sat in my room , and did nothing . I didn 't have it in me to do anything . It felt like I was the one hanging in that bedroom . It felt like dying . One day , I decided to go for a walk . I put on some blue PE shorts , a white plain T - shirt , some black slippers , and started walking . It was maybe 10 o ' clock in the morning . The birds chirped as they usually did . The sun and the sky were out , bright and shining . I don 't know how far I walked from my home , but I stumbled upon the Antioch community park . It was a luscious , expansive patch of grass and redwood trees . I followed the white stone pathway to the center of the park : there was a colorful play structure with a sandbox in the middle of the field , a softball field to the far end of the park , and a few metal benches hidden in the shade of the trees . I sat down on one of the benches and listened to the rustling of the leaves ; the chirping of the birds and sounds of the wind 's breeze . I watched the flies dance and celebrate in the sandbox . A crow flew onto the pathway to the right of the bench . It croaked several times and stared at me . What do you want ? I said . It croaked again , and walked to the left side of the bench . " I think he just wants someone to talk to . " She said . She looked at me , the rim of her glasses reflecting the leaves of the redwood tree . " I don 't want to talk to anybody right now . " I replied . I looked away from her , for I couldn 't bear the thought of staring into her green eyes . I looked at her , a small smile on her face . Her pink , soft lips . Her cute little nose . It brought a lonely tear to my eye , and it slithered down my cheek . " If you don 't know where to start , why not start from the beginning ? " She said . She stood up from the bench , and looked out onto the field . She put her hands on her hips , her curly hair blowing in the wind . I closed my eyes for a moment , and I felt the window blow against my face . The crow croaked again , and I opened my eyes in a shock . The crow , and Maya , were gone . I was left in the company of my bench , the redwood tree , and the wind . I first met Maya in 6th grade at Pine Hollow Middle School in Concord . She didn 't look much different than she did now . Still had glasses , the cute little nose , and the soft brown freckles on her cheeks . She had braces , and was about my height . The only real difference was her hair ; its more curly now than it ever has been . We didn 't have any classes together , though I would always see her in the halls . Never really thought anything of her . We weren 't the best of friends in 6th grade ; as a matter of fact , we never really talked that much at all . We had been introduced before , but we didn 't hang out or talk very often . I was oblivious to her , and she was oblivious to me . That 's probably the one thing about 6th grade that I regret : I didn 't know who Maya was . I didn 't get to know what type of girl she was , what she was like . I didn 't pay attention to her . I still think about what life could 've been like if I had . If we had been better friends , things could 've been different . But life is the way it is , and it was not our time . I remember a particular incident in Mrs . Kahl 's class . We were in the middle of Language Arts and were about to transfer over to World History when Maya , who was the office TA in 6th grade , came in with a note . Mrs . Kahl was just about finished with reading a passage from the textbook , and Maya came strolling down the aisle toward Mrs . Kahl 's desk in the front of the room . I don 't know how it happened , but a boy stuck his foot out in front of her ; she tripped and nearly plowed onto the concrete floor if I had not caught her in time . Some of the boys in the class giggled , and some of the girls sneered and glared . It happened so quickly , and yet it was like I saw it coming . I jumped out of my desk in a flash and caught her with my arms in a hug - like fashion . Are you OK ? I said . She nodded slightly , her cheeks red with embarrassment . I smiled slightly , and sat back down . She gave Mrs . Kahl the note , and exited the class in a hurry . I remember later that day at lunch she came up to me when I was sitting on a green , plastic bench in the quad . Thank you . she said to me . I smiled slightly , and replied No problem . We sat there for a moment , and glared at each other . Her group of friends came along and swept her away . I still remember the glance she gave me when she turned around before they went into the cafeteria . After that , we didn 't talk too much . I didn 't see much of her for the rest of 6th grade . I always heard about her , though . An occasional rumor here and there about " Maya the weirdo " . Some girls would be talking about how she was a loner and how she didn 't really hang out with anyone . She just sat quietly in class and did her work . I never paid much attention , but its interesting to reminisce about it now . I think in some way , I should 've paid more attention to Maya . Maybe she was a loner , and maybe she just needed a good friend to talk to . But I was too young and foolish and naïve to pay any real attention to her or anything in the world . I didn 't understand what love or friendship meant . I didn 't understand how valuable a friend could be . I just carried on with my day - to - day affairs , and I didn 't speak to Maya . I didn 't think about Maya . If I was to put it in a blunt way , I didn 't care all that much about Maya in 6th grade . But , as life would have it , things change . It was the greatest night of my life . When I walked on the stage , received my high school diploma with Honors , and looked out into the plethora of people in the audience , it was like I was looking out toward my future . It was such a rush of emotion and feelings . I picked out Samantha from the crowed , her bright and gleaming face smiling at me in her red cap - and - gown . The proudest moment of my entire life . Later that night , I picked her up from her house and we went out for a night on the town . The city was bustling with life . Whenever we saw some friends packed four - to - a - car , Samantha would roll down her window and shout out at them . We went to the most expensive steakhouse in the city . I figured that the most important girl in my life deserved the best on the greatest day of our lives . We had just graduated high school , after all . It was a particularly hot summer night . Well after two in the morning , it was still quite warm outside . Samantha suggested that we go to Ol ' Wilson 's Park and take a nice walk . We drove down the deserted city streets with the sunroof down ; her silky brown hair flowed ever so elegantly with the wind . We parked the car close to the dirt trail . I turned off the engine and lights , and we just sat ever so still listening to the tink - tink of the engine . I couldn 't have asked for a more perfect night . We got out of the car and started walking up the trail to " Ol ' Wilson 's Hill " . It was dark , and I could barely see Samantha walking beside me , but I knew she was there . Even in darkness , she glowed brighter than the heat of a thousand burning suns . We sat down on the old , rusted metal bench at the top of the hill and admired the bright , vibrant lights and scapes of the entire city . It took my breath away . I distinctly remember Samantha putting her soft , fragile fingers in between mine . We sat in silence , cherishing the precious and perfect moment . We had no idea what time it was , but neither of us cared . If I could give my soul for just one wish , I 'd wish that moment would have lasted forever . Through the silence , Samantha softly said , " I need to talk to you about something . " I turned to her , and an enormous smile came over my face . I was anxious to hear whatever she had to say on a night like this . In the back of my mind , I was hoping it was about our future together . " Did I tell you I got accepted into Harvard ? Full scholarship , " Samantha told me . I was shocked ; a sensation of joy ran through me . " That 's incredible , " I said . " I am so happy for you , Samantha . Congratulations ! " The look on her face . The look in her eyes . Her eyes , dear God . That look will haunt me until the day I die . The joy immediately left my mind , and was replaced with worry . She stood up and paced back and forth a few times . I didn 't know what was going on . I knew she wanted to tell me something , I just wasn 't certain what . She said back down , took my hand into her lap , and looked down at the ground . " I am sorry about everything that I am about to say . I got accepted into Harvard Law School , and you are going to UCLA for a film career . We 're going to be 3000 miles apart from each other , carrying out our own business and living our own lives . I think we need to end this relationship . I just can 't bear the thought of being so far away from you , my love ; of making you give up on your dreams and your happiness to be my husband . I won 't let you do that for me . I understand if this breaks your heart , and I am sorry . You don 't have to forgive me for what I am doing to you . But if I may ask one thing of you , please : understand . " I felt like screaming . I felt like crying and tearing my own heart out . The amount of sadness , dread , anger , and hopelessness that rushed into my head all at one time put me into a state of shell shock . I stared into her eyes , and she stared into mine . It was the longest stare of my entire life . The girl that I had loved ever since I laid my eyes on her in kindergarten , the girl I always thought about through middle school , and who finally loved me since my freshman year of high school was telling me straight and true that our relationship would end . I didn 't know what to think . I didn 't know what to feel . But in the end , I kissed her hand , wiped the small crystalline tear from her cheek , kissed her on her forehead , and hugged her ever so tightly until the crack of the sun came over the horizon . In the end , I forgave her . I accepted the fact that I would never put a ring on Samantha 's finger , or be the father of her children or the husband that would cherish her and take care of her . I accepted that we would not grow old together . I forgave her . I forgave her because I love her , and I would do anything for her . So that 's what I did : I forgave her for the pain she caused me , the long nights and waking moments of grief and sorrow that were because of her . I forgave her , and I moved on and carried on with my life . There is no greater deed she could have asked of me . I hope I made her proud .
|
and was lying naked on the blanket on our bed . He was looking at the camera and smiling . He had the plumpness of well - fed babies , but the day after , but I did not want to delay . I wanted things to be where they belonged . And so Windy found his place on the chair in her hands full , and I was a welcome help , at least for Ann . We all worked very hard that fall . The men would rise very early at the first project in view of the coming winter holidays . All in all , I must say we all did a good job . The first snow of the season was a when he went there with his father and brother to hunt . We had not returned to the wood , either . It had been a matter of lack of time , and now working , our minds were free to roam , either in silence or not . We would speak of a lot of things . At first it was about nothing in particular - spoilt the occasion for everybody else . In the end , Paul and I retreated to the back early in the evening . We then spent Boxing Day mostly by ourselves , spent their money on Christmas gifts . Besides , my parents were also there , so that she was not alone . It was a good occasion for them to see a lot I do not remember the following days . I was very quiet . I could not bring myself to cry . I felt incredibly tired , as if all strength had been drained from me ; I just wanted to lie on the bed and rest . The couch was even better : it felt so good to lay my head down and curl up on it . The back room had always been very quiet - the noises coming from outside hushed - and that lack of noise now suited me very well . Ann had immediately phoned to my parents , and they had come soon after . I could not bear to look at them , though . I didn 't want to be with anybody . I felt that It had been my fault . I had been selfish in my need to go to the wood . What did I want to prove ? What had I done ? Paul tried to break through to me ; I remember him coming and going , because he needed to take care of things , but he was also frequently there with me and tried to talk to me and arouse me from the indolence I had fallen prey to . I realized only later how much he obviously needed me then , but I just couldn 't be there . My mind was a thousand miles away . I didn 't want to think ; I did not want to be roused and talk ; I just wanted to lie down and sleep . Robert was buried two days later in the church 's graveyard , but I don 't really remember any of it . Up to this day , I know the sequence of events because they have been related to me , but I can 't remember being there at the grave next to Paul . Oh , I 've had nightmares about it . They came and went for quite some time , but it was always in a different setting - in a different place , with a different dress , or other people around me . I 've tried hard over the years , but my mind has remained blind . Maybe it is better so . A mother should never witness his son 's death ; she should never have to stand by his grave . Also the next days are blurred in my mind . We went back home , and my parents suggested I spend some time with them . Since I didn 't care , they decided for me , and I left with them the day after . The first thing I remember clearly is the stricken look in Paul 's face . I could not keep the pain away much longer ; the time had come for me to feel the sorrow , so that I could move on . After I was born , Mom was told she could not bear any more children . She must have grieved for them the way I was grieving now . At least I had had mine for seven months , and could have others . Later that month I finally read all the letters Paul had brought . The first ones - from Ann and Frank , or my friends - were all in the same tone : it had not been my fault to start with , and I should reconcile myself with the situation and come home . I was young and had a whole life in front of me ; I could not waste it - I owed it to myself and to Paul . I actually did not know what to do with my life . It 's so much easier to do nothing - things tend to become blurred , and you feel less pain . I wanted to feel no pain , and I assumed that I could not feel pain for something I was not thinking about . As I was beginning to understand reading Mom 's book , I had been wrong , because those days kept coming back to me . I kept seeing little Robert as if he were still alive , and the look on Paul 's face the day of my departure was very vivid and kept nagging at me . I read those letters over and over again , slowly trying to believe in what was written in them . Some - the later ones - were even entertaining . They were from Trisha or Paula ; in them they told about their lives . I remember Trisha had left her boyfriend at a certain point , and was trying to make me understand why she had to do it . Paula and her boyfriend , on the other hand , seemed to be very much in love , but that precluded her from seeing her friends ( I remember I wondered why , but I never asked her ) . The summer went by without me ; of it , I remember the nights - when the nightmares and the heat kept me awake - more than the days . These were now passing faster , but I still could not bring myself to open Paul 's letter . I dared not see in writing what I assumed he was thinking of me - that it was my fault , and I was the only one to blame . Summer was drawing to an end , and I could feel the change in the air , as the days were getting cooler , and the hours of light fewer . Paul kept coming over the weekends . He hadn 't written any more letters , and had never mentioned that one . He kept bringing presents , though - a small carving , a flower , or soThursday , August 6 , 1959 My dear Heileen , It 's hard for me to commit my feelings to paper . It 's never easy to express clearly what 's inside oneself . I work at the farm and come back in the evening to an empty seat at table and a cold bed . I don 't mean to be reproachful , mind ! I keep asking myself what it is I did wrong . How could I not find a way to touch Your soul in those days after our dear Bobby 's death ? A man 's supposed to give strength to his family , and I failed . I failed to be there and hold You tight ; I should have never let You go ! Everything here reminds me of the life we had together . I can see Bobby 's face looking up at me from behind the couch , or smiling from his crib in the morning . And I am afraid to go to our room at night because sleep is so hard to come ! I miss him , and I miss You . In the middle of the day I take a short break from work , and I can almost feel You there beside me - little Bobby in Your arms - like You have been so many times . Sometimes I think I can hear You coming from behind , but then I turn around , and I realize it was just the wind mocking me . At other times I wake up in the middle of the night and call Your name . Will You ever forgive me , Heileen ? I need You so badly it hurts , and I don 't have the strength to go on hurting this way . It will be hard , and it will take a long time , but I know that - if we are together - we will be able to accept Bobby 's death . God has tried us hard , but we must have faith in Him , and go on with our life . TOGETHER . We have each other , and I love You . Do You remember the day I found You in the wood ? I promised then that I would always stand by You , and I failed in my promise . I am sorry , so very sorry ! But I swear that , if You have me again , I 'll always be at Your side . This is my sweetest dream - that I may one day come to Your house , and see that Your face has changed - that You don 't hate me anymore . I need to look into Your wonderful eyes , and have them look back at me , like they used to . As the days pass , and our wedding anniversaryPaul I finished the letter with eyes full of tears . He was sorry , and he thought I hated him ! How could that be ? I had let almost two months pass and had said nothing at all to him . He had kept coming ; waiting for something - anything - that told him he hadn 't lost me . I had been so blind ! I was so taken by my hurt that I was unable to see his , and I realized now that it must be at least as great as mine . After all , the kid in the grave was his son as much as he was mine . I retreated to my room early that evening - barely touching my dinner . My parents said nothing ; they had given up hope , I think , of changing my behavior . I had refused to go out , to see people , to interact with them . And I must have looked like a very bad wife . Paul had stood by me when I had needed him , but I had not done so in his time of need . And I had let misunderstanding seep between us . I felt that nothing would be well again . It was Wednesday . I would have liked to run out of the house and walk all the way to the farm to see him . On the other hand , I felt so ashamed that I was not sure I should have gone back at all . And so I waited . Time never passes when you 're waiting . It was just two days , but I did a lot of things in those two days . I was active around the house , and I started to go out on errands . My mother was the first to notice the change , of course , and - having divined the reason for it - simply said nothing and welcomed my new mood . With father it was a little different . Of course he knew , but he kept wary - as if he needed to see to make sure . I would catch him looking at me during dinner , or he would stop in the lawn when he came home , and glimpse inside to see what I was doing . Finally Friday came , and as always Dad went to the bus station on his way home . I was in the kitchen as Paul stepped off the car . Mom went to the door to say hello , and then remained with Dad , so as to give us privacy . Paul came into the kitchen and busied himself in helping me with whatever I was doing - making light conversation , Adriana Oberto Chapter Nine My relationship with Paul had strengthened over the months . After the forced chastity following Robert 's birth , we rediscovered our bodies with renewed passion . Sometimes I felt bemused : at the time nobody talked to young girls - or boys for that matter - about sex . You got the impression that it was a necessity brought about by marriage , and that you had to accept it and live with it as best as you could . It was a man 's need , and nobody had ever told me I would enjoy it . Of course we all loved to read romances , or watch those wonderful movies where love was paramount and won over everything , but that was not real life . Men and women married and had children and that was that - what else ? Well , I found out with utter joy that there was so much more to it , and that that " much " could be well enjoyed ! It was a pleasure to see him come in from the door after work , and a delight to sit with him and little Robert on the couch before sleep . I couldn 't wait for the chance to spend some moments during the day alone with him - to exchange a kiss in the field or the barn , or simply to feel his touch on my shoulder in passing . And of course to sleep with him . It was a fortune Robert was nursing vigorously , or I would probably have gotten pregnant again already ! As it was , we were very happy to take pleasure in each other . We were also making plans for the future . As promised , Frank was paying Paul for the work done on the farm . It amounted to only about two hundred dollars a month , to which you had to add the money earned during the winter . It was not a lot , but we didn 't need to spend it and could well save it . We wanted to have a house of our own . We hadn 't even started to look for one , of course , but we had our own views about it . For instance , we would have liked to remain outside of town . That was probably going to be more expensive , though , unless we could build a house of our own , or refurbish an old one . The more we thought about it , the more it seemed feasible : why not extend and rAdriana Oberto December came , and with it the lights and colorful shop windows downtown . Putting aside for once my unwillingness to move from the house , I spent a couple of afternoons walking around the streets with Trisha - and later with Paul - and enjoying a bit of social life . Together we went to the movies , ate at one of the soda shops , met with friends , and did some shopping . The windows were all decorated for Christmas , bulbs flashing . Garlands hung from the walls , and wreaths from doors . Many shops had one of those new transistor radios going , or - better yet - a brand new stereo music recorder , and I remember my favorite rock and roll songs playing alongside Christmas tunes . It had finally snowed , and a white thin mantle covered the streets . I was jolly and merry , and would have hopped my way around had my bulk permitted it . We bought some presents for the members of the family . There remained for me to find a gift for my husband - but what ? Upon much thought , I resolved I would make him a shirt - no small accomplishment for an unskilled teenager . It was difficult , all right ! Not just for the actual making of it - Ann helped me a lot , as with everything . The difficulty lay in keeping it a secret from Paul , who - luckily - was away from the house most of the time . So I carried it with me to school - taking advantage of recess to work - and I worked at home before he came back in the evening , or at night , when my back - or my bladder - forced me to get up . I would then sit on the sofa in our little sitting room , and concentrate on my stitching . Broomstick would get up with me on those occasions , and curl at my feet - a very nice thing since the house was colder at night . I had asked Trisha to buy a length of checkered woolen cloth , and had used one of Paul 's old shirts as a model . Now I just hoped I would finish it in time . Christmas was exactly four weeks after Thanksgiving , and I regretted not having thought about it before . But before Christmas it was time for Mary Ann 's birthday . She wasRobert Thomas Bothwell was born on 26 December 1958 at 11 : 50 in the morning . He had arrived a couple of weeks in advance , but was healthy and full of energy . After all the waiting and wishing the baby were born soon , I did not feel ready to cope with it , and I must admit I even felt a bit left down - I had so much gotten used to calling him Wanda , that it was now hard to realize he was actually a boy . His father was of course very proud of him , and could not wait for the time when he was brought to me for nursing , so that he could hold him in his arms and admire him . What enthralled him most were his tiny feet - so small and yet so perfectly shaped . He would remove his little socks and lose himself in contemplation . It was difficult for me at first - my breasts were small , and so were my nipples , and it was hard for the baby to suckle . Moreover , at first I had little milk of my own , and I hoped I would make more soon . Baby formulas were not common - the first ones were being developed just then - and I hoped there would be no need . After three days we were both back home . Mom and Dad had left the day before , with the promise to visit again as soon as possible . Mom had spent a lot of time with me , giving all the advice she could think of , and I could see she envied Ann the privilege of being with her grandson . Paul was a very apprehensive father . Probably we are all so with our first child . He would get up at night and stand over the crib to catch the baby 's breath , or would hold him and rock him long into the night after his last meal , even when I felt it was time for Bobby to lie in his crib - and for me to finally get some sleep ! We had put the crib next to our bed . The day we had come home , I had taken Windy from its place on the shelf and had put it next to the baby . I was a Mom now , and did not need a teddy bear anymore . It would be his first toy . I recovered quickly from the birth , but was always tired . That 's what I remember most of that period . Even when children are good and sleep at nighAs the weather turned warmer Paul stopped working in town and remained on the farm again . So he would pick me up at school , and it was common to see him and the baby waiting for me outside . He would come with the truck , and Broomstick would ride in the back as always . He would then put little Robert in his carriage , and walk with him for some time , while waiting for me . They made a nice trio - the two of them and the dog . Everybody knew them , of course , and many parents - the ones who had come to pick up the younger children - would stop and chat with him , enquiring about the baby 's health , or my progress in school . The older students , then , would come looking for us on their way out , and stopped to say hallo to their former high - school friend and admire the child . If we had time or were in the mood , Paul would drive to town and stop at Michael 's house . We would have lunch there , and then drive back with little Mary Ann with us . Other times I would be invited to Paula 's or Trisha 's house . He would then drive me there and leave Robert with me , and would return home and work on the farm . I would walk home from Trisha 's house in the evening , or find a ride from somebody . Even the mood of the school seemed to change along with the weather . I found myself talking to people that had snubbed me before , and even Mr . Bartlett - could you believe it ? - was so kind as to let me change place in class and move closer to the front . I was working hard to prepare for the final exams , even if my grades remained somewhat low . Sometimes I found it hard to concentrate on a difficult lesson . On those afternoons , when it was difficult to commit any notion to mind , I would rise from the desk in our sitting room , take Robert with me and walk with him for a while around the property . We would go visit the animals in the barn , or say hello to Dad in the field ; sometimes he would even give us a ride on the tractor . After an hour I could return to my studies with a lighter heart and greater peace of mind . Also Mary Ann wCopyright 2003 - 2012 Adriana Oberto I have a story in mind . And the telling of it has been going on for a very long time . . . and it 's not done yet . What I am really saying is that - years ago - I began writing a book . YES ! ! A real book ! And it felt good . . . Having a story to tell , I mean . Then I somehow got stuck . But the story has not ended yet . From today on I will post a chapter of my book every few days . You are welcome to read it and comment on it . Who knows ? Maybe it 'll get published one day . . . and then again maybe not . In the meantime , wish me good luck ! ! La mia passione sono le lingue e ne parlo sei : italiano , inglese , francese , tedesco , russo e spagnolo . Sono praticamente bilingue italiano - inglese , avendo vissuto negli Stati Uniti . Offro perciò corsi di lingua inglese a tutti i livelli ; interpretariato da e in inglese , nonchè servizi di traduzione da e nelle altre lingue . Languages are my passion ! I speak six : Italian , English , French , German , Russian , Spanish . I am practically Italian / English bilingual . I offer English language course at all levels ; interpreting and translations services . Lettori fissi
|
and was lying naked on the blanket on our bed . He was looking at the camera and smiling . He had the plumpness of well - fed babies , but the day after , but I did not want to delay . I wanted things to be where they belonged . And so Windy found his place on the chair in her hands full , and I was a welcome help , at least for Ann . We all worked very hard that fall . The men would rise very early at the first project in view of the coming winter holidays . All in all , I must say we all did a good job . The first snow of the season was a when he went there with his father and brother to hunt . We had not returned to the wood , either . It had been a matter of lack of time , and now working , our minds were free to roam , either in silence or not . We would speak of a lot of things . At first it was about nothing in particular - spoilt the occasion for everybody else . In the end , Paul and I retreated to the back early in the evening . We then spent Boxing Day mostly by ourselves , spent their money on Christmas gifts . Besides , my parents were also there , so that she was not alone . It was a good occasion for them to see a lot I do not remember the following days . I was very quiet . I could not bring myself to cry . I felt incredibly tired , as if all strength had been drained from me ; I just wanted to lie on the bed and rest . The couch was even better : it felt so good to lay my head down and curl up on it . The back room had always been very quiet - the noises coming from outside hushed - and that lack of noise now suited me very well . Ann had immediately phoned to my parents , and they had come soon after . I could not bear to look at them , though . I didn 't want to be with anybody . I felt that It had been my fault . I had been selfish in my need to go to the wood . What did I want to prove ? What had I done ? Paul tried to break through to me ; I remember him coming and going , because he needed to take care of things , but he was also frequently there with me and tried to talk to me and arouse me from the indolence I had fallen prey to . I realized only later how much he obviously needed me then , but I just couldn 't be there . My mind was a thousand miles away . I didn 't want to think ; I did not want to be roused and talk ; I just wanted to lie down and sleep . Robert was buried two days later in the church 's graveyard , but I don 't really remember any of it . Up to this day , I know the sequence of events because they have been related to me , but I can 't remember being there at the grave next to Paul . Oh , I 've had nightmares about it . They came and went for quite some time , but it was always in a different setting - in a different place , with a different dress , or other people around me . I 've tried hard over the years , but my mind has remained blind . Maybe it is better so . A mother should never witness his son 's death ; she should never have to stand by his grave . Also the next days are blurred in my mind . We went back home , and my parents suggested I spend some time with them . Since I didn 't care , they decided for me , and I left with them the day after . The first thing I remember clearly is the stricken look in Paul 's face . I could not keep the pain away much longer ; the time had come for me to feel the sorrow , so that I could move on . After I was born , Mom was told she could not bear any more children . She must have grieved for them the way I was grieving now . At least I had had mine for seven months , and could have others . Later that month I finally read all the letters Paul had brought . The first ones - from Ann and Frank , or my friends - were all in the same tone : it had not been my fault to start with , and I should reconcile myself with the situation and come home . I was young and had a whole life in front of me ; I could not waste it - I owed it to myself and to Paul . I actually did not know what to do with my life . It 's so much easier to do nothing - things tend to become blurred , and you feel less pain . I wanted to feel no pain , and I assumed that I could not feel pain for something I was not thinking about . As I was beginning to understand reading Mom 's book , I had been wrong , because those days kept coming back to me . I kept seeing little Robert as if he were still alive , and the look on Paul 's face the day of my departure was very vivid and kept nagging at me . I read those letters over and over again , slowly trying to believe in what was written in them . Some - the later ones - were even entertaining . They were from Trisha or Paula ; in them they told about their lives . I remember Trisha had left her boyfriend at a certain point , and was trying to make me understand why she had to do it . Paula and her boyfriend , on the other hand , seemed to be very much in love , but that precluded her from seeing her friends ( I remember I wondered why , but I never asked her ) . The summer went by without me ; of it , I remember the nights - when the nightmares and the heat kept me awake - more than the days . These were now passing faster , but I still could not bring myself to open Paul 's letter . I dared not see in writing what I assumed he was thinking of me - that it was my fault , and I was the only one to blame . Summer was drawing to an end , and I could feel the change in the air , as the days were getting cooler , and the hours of light fewer . Paul kept coming over the weekends . He hadn 't written any more letters , and had never mentioned that one . He kept bringing presents , though - a small carving , a flower , or soThursday , August 6 , 1959 My dear Heileen , It 's hard for me to commit my feelings to paper . It 's never easy to express clearly what 's inside oneself . I work at the farm and come back in the evening to an empty seat at table and a cold bed . I don 't mean to be reproachful , mind ! I keep asking myself what it is I did wrong . How could I not find a way to touch Your soul in those days after our dear Bobby 's death ? A man 's supposed to give strength to his family , and I failed . I failed to be there and hold You tight ; I should have never let You go ! Everything here reminds me of the life we had together . I can see Bobby 's face looking up at me from behind the couch , or smiling from his crib in the morning . And I am afraid to go to our room at night because sleep is so hard to come ! I miss him , and I miss You . In the middle of the day I take a short break from work , and I can almost feel You there beside me - little Bobby in Your arms - like You have been so many times . Sometimes I think I can hear You coming from behind , but then I turn around , and I realize it was just the wind mocking me . At other times I wake up in the middle of the night and call Your name . Will You ever forgive me , Heileen ? I need You so badly it hurts , and I don 't have the strength to go on hurting this way . It will be hard , and it will take a long time , but I know that - if we are together - we will be able to accept Bobby 's death . God has tried us hard , but we must have faith in Him , and go on with our life . TOGETHER . We have each other , and I love You . Do You remember the day I found You in the wood ? I promised then that I would always stand by You , and I failed in my promise . I am sorry , so very sorry ! But I swear that , if You have me again , I 'll always be at Your side . This is my sweetest dream - that I may one day come to Your house , and see that Your face has changed - that You don 't hate me anymore . I need to look into Your wonderful eyes , and have them look back at me , like they used to . As the days pass , and our wedding anniversaryPaul I finished the letter with eyes full of tears . He was sorry , and he thought I hated him ! How could that be ? I had let almost two months pass and had said nothing at all to him . He had kept coming ; waiting for something - anything - that told him he hadn 't lost me . I had been so blind ! I was so taken by my hurt that I was unable to see his , and I realized now that it must be at least as great as mine . After all , the kid in the grave was his son as much as he was mine . I retreated to my room early that evening - barely touching my dinner . My parents said nothing ; they had given up hope , I think , of changing my behavior . I had refused to go out , to see people , to interact with them . And I must have looked like a very bad wife . Paul had stood by me when I had needed him , but I had not done so in his time of need . And I had let misunderstanding seep between us . I felt that nothing would be well again . It was Wednesday . I would have liked to run out of the house and walk all the way to the farm to see him . On the other hand , I felt so ashamed that I was not sure I should have gone back at all . And so I waited . Time never passes when you 're waiting . It was just two days , but I did a lot of things in those two days . I was active around the house , and I started to go out on errands . My mother was the first to notice the change , of course , and - having divined the reason for it - simply said nothing and welcomed my new mood . With father it was a little different . Of course he knew , but he kept wary - as if he needed to see to make sure . I would catch him looking at me during dinner , or he would stop in the lawn when he came home , and glimpse inside to see what I was doing . Finally Friday came , and as always Dad went to the bus station on his way home . I was in the kitchen as Paul stepped off the car . Mom went to the door to say hello , and then remained with Dad , so as to give us privacy . Paul came into the kitchen and busied himself in helping me with whatever I was doing - making light conversation , Adriana Oberto Chapter Nine My relationship with Paul had strengthened over the months . After the forced chastity following Robert 's birth , we rediscovered our bodies with renewed passion . Sometimes I felt bemused : at the time nobody talked to young girls - or boys for that matter - about sex . You got the impression that it was a necessity brought about by marriage , and that you had to accept it and live with it as best as you could . It was a man 's need , and nobody had ever told me I would enjoy it . Of course we all loved to read romances , or watch those wonderful movies where love was paramount and won over everything , but that was not real life . Men and women married and had children and that was that - what else ? Well , I found out with utter joy that there was so much more to it , and that that " much " could be well enjoyed ! It was a pleasure to see him come in from the door after work , and a delight to sit with him and little Robert on the couch before sleep . I couldn 't wait for the chance to spend some moments during the day alone with him - to exchange a kiss in the field or the barn , or simply to feel his touch on my shoulder in passing . And of course to sleep with him . It was a fortune Robert was nursing vigorously , or I would probably have gotten pregnant again already ! As it was , we were very happy to take pleasure in each other . We were also making plans for the future . As promised , Frank was paying Paul for the work done on the farm . It amounted to only about two hundred dollars a month , to which you had to add the money earned during the winter . It was not a lot , but we didn 't need to spend it and could well save it . We wanted to have a house of our own . We hadn 't even started to look for one , of course , but we had our own views about it . For instance , we would have liked to remain outside of town . That was probably going to be more expensive , though , unless we could build a house of our own , or refurbish an old one . The more we thought about it , the more it seemed feasible : why not extend and rAdriana Oberto December came , and with it the lights and colorful shop windows downtown . Putting aside for once my unwillingness to move from the house , I spent a couple of afternoons walking around the streets with Trisha - and later with Paul - and enjoying a bit of social life . Together we went to the movies , ate at one of the soda shops , met with friends , and did some shopping . The windows were all decorated for Christmas , bulbs flashing . Garlands hung from the walls , and wreaths from doors . Many shops had one of those new transistor radios going , or - better yet - a brand new stereo music recorder , and I remember my favorite rock and roll songs playing alongside Christmas tunes . It had finally snowed , and a white thin mantle covered the streets . I was jolly and merry , and would have hopped my way around had my bulk permitted it . We bought some presents for the members of the family . There remained for me to find a gift for my husband - but what ? Upon much thought , I resolved I would make him a shirt - no small accomplishment for an unskilled teenager . It was difficult , all right ! Not just for the actual making of it - Ann helped me a lot , as with everything . The difficulty lay in keeping it a secret from Paul , who - luckily - was away from the house most of the time . So I carried it with me to school - taking advantage of recess to work - and I worked at home before he came back in the evening , or at night , when my back - or my bladder - forced me to get up . I would then sit on the sofa in our little sitting room , and concentrate on my stitching . Broomstick would get up with me on those occasions , and curl at my feet - a very nice thing since the house was colder at night . I had asked Trisha to buy a length of checkered woolen cloth , and had used one of Paul 's old shirts as a model . Now I just hoped I would finish it in time . Christmas was exactly four weeks after Thanksgiving , and I regretted not having thought about it before . But before Christmas it was time for Mary Ann 's birthday . She wasRobert Thomas Bothwell was born on 26 December 1958 at 11 : 50 in the morning . He had arrived a couple of weeks in advance , but was healthy and full of energy . After all the waiting and wishing the baby were born soon , I did not feel ready to cope with it , and I must admit I even felt a bit left down - I had so much gotten used to calling him Wanda , that it was now hard to realize he was actually a boy . His father was of course very proud of him , and could not wait for the time when he was brought to me for nursing , so that he could hold him in his arms and admire him . What enthralled him most were his tiny feet - so small and yet so perfectly shaped . He would remove his little socks and lose himself in contemplation . It was difficult for me at first - my breasts were small , and so were my nipples , and it was hard for the baby to suckle . Moreover , at first I had little milk of my own , and I hoped I would make more soon . Baby formulas were not common - the first ones were being developed just then - and I hoped there would be no need . After three days we were both back home . Mom and Dad had left the day before , with the promise to visit again as soon as possible . Mom had spent a lot of time with me , giving all the advice she could think of , and I could see she envied Ann the privilege of being with her grandson . Paul was a very apprehensive father . Probably we are all so with our first child . He would get up at night and stand over the crib to catch the baby 's breath , or would hold him and rock him long into the night after his last meal , even when I felt it was time for Bobby to lie in his crib - and for me to finally get some sleep ! We had put the crib next to our bed . The day we had come home , I had taken Windy from its place on the shelf and had put it next to the baby . I was a Mom now , and did not need a teddy bear anymore . It would be his first toy . I recovered quickly from the birth , but was always tired . That 's what I remember most of that period . Even when children are good and sleep at nighAs the weather turned warmer Paul stopped working in town and remained on the farm again . So he would pick me up at school , and it was common to see him and the baby waiting for me outside . He would come with the truck , and Broomstick would ride in the back as always . He would then put little Robert in his carriage , and walk with him for some time , while waiting for me . They made a nice trio - the two of them and the dog . Everybody knew them , of course , and many parents - the ones who had come to pick up the younger children - would stop and chat with him , enquiring about the baby 's health , or my progress in school . The older students , then , would come looking for us on their way out , and stopped to say hallo to their former high - school friend and admire the child . If we had time or were in the mood , Paul would drive to town and stop at Michael 's house . We would have lunch there , and then drive back with little Mary Ann with us . Other times I would be invited to Paula 's or Trisha 's house . He would then drive me there and leave Robert with me , and would return home and work on the farm . I would walk home from Trisha 's house in the evening , or find a ride from somebody . Even the mood of the school seemed to change along with the weather . I found myself talking to people that had snubbed me before , and even Mr . Bartlett - could you believe it ? - was so kind as to let me change place in class and move closer to the front . I was working hard to prepare for the final exams , even if my grades remained somewhat low . Sometimes I found it hard to concentrate on a difficult lesson . On those afternoons , when it was difficult to commit any notion to mind , I would rise from the desk in our sitting room , take Robert with me and walk with him for a while around the property . We would go visit the animals in the barn , or say hello to Dad in the field ; sometimes he would even give us a ride on the tractor . After an hour I could return to my studies with a lighter heart and greater peace of mind . Also Mary Ann wCopyright 2003 - 2012 Adriana Oberto I have a story in mind . And the telling of it has been going on for a very long time . . . and it 's not done yet . What I am really saying is that - years ago - I began writing a book . YES ! ! A real book ! And it felt good . . . Having a story to tell , I mean . Then I somehow got stuck . But the story has not ended yet . From today on I will post a chapter of my book every few days . You are welcome to read it and comment on it . Who knows ? Maybe it 'll get published one day . . . and then again maybe not . In the meantime , wish me good luck ! ! La mia passione sono le lingue e ne parlo sei : italiano , inglese , francese , tedesco , russo e spagnolo . Sono praticamente bilingue italiano - inglese , avendo vissuto negli Stati Uniti . Offro perciò corsi di lingua inglese a tutti i livelli ; interpretariato da e in inglese , nonchè servizi di traduzione da e nelle altre lingue . Languages are my passion ! I speak six : Italian , English , French , German , Russian , Spanish . I am practically Italian / English bilingual . I offer English language course at all levels ; interpreting and translations services . Lettori fissi
|
and was lying naked on the blanket on our bed . He was looking at the camera and smiling . He had the plumpness of well - fed babies , but the day after , but I did not want to delay . I wanted things to be where they belonged . And so Windy found his place on the chair in her hands full , and I was a welcome help , at least for Ann . We all worked very hard that fall . The men would rise very early at the first project in view of the coming winter holidays . All in all , I must say we all did a good job . The first snow of the season was a when he went there with his father and brother to hunt . We had not returned to the wood , either . It had been a matter of lack of time , and now working , our minds were free to roam , either in silence or not . We would speak of a lot of things . At first it was about nothing in particular - spoilt the occasion for everybody else . In the end , Paul and I retreated to the back early in the evening . We then spent Boxing Day mostly by ourselves , spent their money on Christmas gifts . Besides , my parents were also there , so that she was not alone . It was a good occasion for them to see a lot I do not remember the following days . I was very quiet . I could not bring myself to cry . I felt incredibly tired , as if all strength had been drained from me ; I just wanted to lie on the bed and rest . The couch was even better : it felt so good to lay my head down and curl up on it . The back room had always been very quiet - the noises coming from outside hushed - and that lack of noise now suited me very well . Ann had immediately phoned to my parents , and they had come soon after . I could not bear to look at them , though . I didn 't want to be with anybody . I felt that It had been my fault . I had been selfish in my need to go to the wood . What did I want to prove ? What had I done ? Paul tried to break through to me ; I remember him coming and going , because he needed to take care of things , but he was also frequently there with me and tried to talk to me and arouse me from the indolence I had fallen prey to . I realized only later how much he obviously needed me then , but I just couldn 't be there . My mind was a thousand miles away . I didn 't want to think ; I did not want to be roused and talk ; I just wanted to lie down and sleep . Robert was buried two days later in the church 's graveyard , but I don 't really remember any of it . Up to this day , I know the sequence of events because they have been related to me , but I can 't remember being there at the grave next to Paul . Oh , I 've had nightmares about it . They came and went for quite some time , but it was always in a different setting - in a different place , with a different dress , or other people around me . I 've tried hard over the years , but my mind has remained blind . Maybe it is better so . A mother should never witness his son 's death ; she should never have to stand by his grave . Also the next days are blurred in my mind . We went back home , and my parents suggested I spend some time with them . Since I didn 't care , they decided for me , and I left with them the day after . The first thing I remember clearly is the stricken look in Paul 's face . I could not keep the pain away much longer ; the time had come for me to feel the sorrow , so that I could move on . After I was born , Mom was told she could not bear any more children . She must have grieved for them the way I was grieving now . At least I had had mine for seven months , and could have others . Later that month I finally read all the letters Paul had brought . The first ones - from Ann and Frank , or my friends - were all in the same tone : it had not been my fault to start with , and I should reconcile myself with the situation and come home . I was young and had a whole life in front of me ; I could not waste it - I owed it to myself and to Paul . I actually did not know what to do with my life . It 's so much easier to do nothing - things tend to become blurred , and you feel less pain . I wanted to feel no pain , and I assumed that I could not feel pain for something I was not thinking about . As I was beginning to understand reading Mom 's book , I had been wrong , because those days kept coming back to me . I kept seeing little Robert as if he were still alive , and the look on Paul 's face the day of my departure was very vivid and kept nagging at me . I read those letters over and over again , slowly trying to believe in what was written in them . Some - the later ones - were even entertaining . They were from Trisha or Paula ; in them they told about their lives . I remember Trisha had left her boyfriend at a certain point , and was trying to make me understand why she had to do it . Paula and her boyfriend , on the other hand , seemed to be very much in love , but that precluded her from seeing her friends ( I remember I wondered why , but I never asked her ) . The summer went by without me ; of it , I remember the nights - when the nightmares and the heat kept me awake - more than the days . These were now passing faster , but I still could not bring myself to open Paul 's letter . I dared not see in writing what I assumed he was thinking of me - that it was my fault , and I was the only one to blame . Summer was drawing to an end , and I could feel the change in the air , as the days were getting cooler , and the hours of light fewer . Paul kept coming over the weekends . He hadn 't written any more letters , and had never mentioned that one . He kept bringing presents , though - a small carving , a flower , or soThursday , August 6 , 1959 My dear Heileen , It 's hard for me to commit my feelings to paper . It 's never easy to express clearly what 's inside oneself . I work at the farm and come back in the evening to an empty seat at table and a cold bed . I don 't mean to be reproachful , mind ! I keep asking myself what it is I did wrong . How could I not find a way to touch Your soul in those days after our dear Bobby 's death ? A man 's supposed to give strength to his family , and I failed . I failed to be there and hold You tight ; I should have never let You go ! Everything here reminds me of the life we had together . I can see Bobby 's face looking up at me from behind the couch , or smiling from his crib in the morning . And I am afraid to go to our room at night because sleep is so hard to come ! I miss him , and I miss You . In the middle of the day I take a short break from work , and I can almost feel You there beside me - little Bobby in Your arms - like You have been so many times . Sometimes I think I can hear You coming from behind , but then I turn around , and I realize it was just the wind mocking me . At other times I wake up in the middle of the night and call Your name . Will You ever forgive me , Heileen ? I need You so badly it hurts , and I don 't have the strength to go on hurting this way . It will be hard , and it will take a long time , but I know that - if we are together - we will be able to accept Bobby 's death . God has tried us hard , but we must have faith in Him , and go on with our life . TOGETHER . We have each other , and I love You . Do You remember the day I found You in the wood ? I promised then that I would always stand by You , and I failed in my promise . I am sorry , so very sorry ! But I swear that , if You have me again , I 'll always be at Your side . This is my sweetest dream - that I may one day come to Your house , and see that Your face has changed - that You don 't hate me anymore . I need to look into Your wonderful eyes , and have them look back at me , like they used to . As the days pass , and our wedding anniversaryPaul I finished the letter with eyes full of tears . He was sorry , and he thought I hated him ! How could that be ? I had let almost two months pass and had said nothing at all to him . He had kept coming ; waiting for something - anything - that told him he hadn 't lost me . I had been so blind ! I was so taken by my hurt that I was unable to see his , and I realized now that it must be at least as great as mine . After all , the kid in the grave was his son as much as he was mine . I retreated to my room early that evening - barely touching my dinner . My parents said nothing ; they had given up hope , I think , of changing my behavior . I had refused to go out , to see people , to interact with them . And I must have looked like a very bad wife . Paul had stood by me when I had needed him , but I had not done so in his time of need . And I had let misunderstanding seep between us . I felt that nothing would be well again . It was Wednesday . I would have liked to run out of the house and walk all the way to the farm to see him . On the other hand , I felt so ashamed that I was not sure I should have gone back at all . And so I waited . Time never passes when you 're waiting . It was just two days , but I did a lot of things in those two days . I was active around the house , and I started to go out on errands . My mother was the first to notice the change , of course , and - having divined the reason for it - simply said nothing and welcomed my new mood . With father it was a little different . Of course he knew , but he kept wary - as if he needed to see to make sure . I would catch him looking at me during dinner , or he would stop in the lawn when he came home , and glimpse inside to see what I was doing . Finally Friday came , and as always Dad went to the bus station on his way home . I was in the kitchen as Paul stepped off the car . Mom went to the door to say hello , and then remained with Dad , so as to give us privacy . Paul came into the kitchen and busied himself in helping me with whatever I was doing - making light conversation , Adriana Oberto Chapter Nine My relationship with Paul had strengthened over the months . After the forced chastity following Robert 's birth , we rediscovered our bodies with renewed passion . Sometimes I felt bemused : at the time nobody talked to young girls - or boys for that matter - about sex . You got the impression that it was a necessity brought about by marriage , and that you had to accept it and live with it as best as you could . It was a man 's need , and nobody had ever told me I would enjoy it . Of course we all loved to read romances , or watch those wonderful movies where love was paramount and won over everything , but that was not real life . Men and women married and had children and that was that - what else ? Well , I found out with utter joy that there was so much more to it , and that that " much " could be well enjoyed ! It was a pleasure to see him come in from the door after work , and a delight to sit with him and little Robert on the couch before sleep . I couldn 't wait for the chance to spend some moments during the day alone with him - to exchange a kiss in the field or the barn , or simply to feel his touch on my shoulder in passing . And of course to sleep with him . It was a fortune Robert was nursing vigorously , or I would probably have gotten pregnant again already ! As it was , we were very happy to take pleasure in each other . We were also making plans for the future . As promised , Frank was paying Paul for the work done on the farm . It amounted to only about two hundred dollars a month , to which you had to add the money earned during the winter . It was not a lot , but we didn 't need to spend it and could well save it . We wanted to have a house of our own . We hadn 't even started to look for one , of course , but we had our own views about it . For instance , we would have liked to remain outside of town . That was probably going to be more expensive , though , unless we could build a house of our own , or refurbish an old one . The more we thought about it , the more it seemed feasible : why not extend and rAdriana Oberto December came , and with it the lights and colorful shop windows downtown . Putting aside for once my unwillingness to move from the house , I spent a couple of afternoons walking around the streets with Trisha - and later with Paul - and enjoying a bit of social life . Together we went to the movies , ate at one of the soda shops , met with friends , and did some shopping . The windows were all decorated for Christmas , bulbs flashing . Garlands hung from the walls , and wreaths from doors . Many shops had one of those new transistor radios going , or - better yet - a brand new stereo music recorder , and I remember my favorite rock and roll songs playing alongside Christmas tunes . It had finally snowed , and a white thin mantle covered the streets . I was jolly and merry , and would have hopped my way around had my bulk permitted it . We bought some presents for the members of the family . There remained for me to find a gift for my husband - but what ? Upon much thought , I resolved I would make him a shirt - no small accomplishment for an unskilled teenager . It was difficult , all right ! Not just for the actual making of it - Ann helped me a lot , as with everything . The difficulty lay in keeping it a secret from Paul , who - luckily - was away from the house most of the time . So I carried it with me to school - taking advantage of recess to work - and I worked at home before he came back in the evening , or at night , when my back - or my bladder - forced me to get up . I would then sit on the sofa in our little sitting room , and concentrate on my stitching . Broomstick would get up with me on those occasions , and curl at my feet - a very nice thing since the house was colder at night . I had asked Trisha to buy a length of checkered woolen cloth , and had used one of Paul 's old shirts as a model . Now I just hoped I would finish it in time . Christmas was exactly four weeks after Thanksgiving , and I regretted not having thought about it before . But before Christmas it was time for Mary Ann 's birthday . She wasRobert Thomas Bothwell was born on 26 December 1958 at 11 : 50 in the morning . He had arrived a couple of weeks in advance , but was healthy and full of energy . After all the waiting and wishing the baby were born soon , I did not feel ready to cope with it , and I must admit I even felt a bit left down - I had so much gotten used to calling him Wanda , that it was now hard to realize he was actually a boy . His father was of course very proud of him , and could not wait for the time when he was brought to me for nursing , so that he could hold him in his arms and admire him . What enthralled him most were his tiny feet - so small and yet so perfectly shaped . He would remove his little socks and lose himself in contemplation . It was difficult for me at first - my breasts were small , and so were my nipples , and it was hard for the baby to suckle . Moreover , at first I had little milk of my own , and I hoped I would make more soon . Baby formulas were not common - the first ones were being developed just then - and I hoped there would be no need . After three days we were both back home . Mom and Dad had left the day before , with the promise to visit again as soon as possible . Mom had spent a lot of time with me , giving all the advice she could think of , and I could see she envied Ann the privilege of being with her grandson . Paul was a very apprehensive father . Probably we are all so with our first child . He would get up at night and stand over the crib to catch the baby 's breath , or would hold him and rock him long into the night after his last meal , even when I felt it was time for Bobby to lie in his crib - and for me to finally get some sleep ! We had put the crib next to our bed . The day we had come home , I had taken Windy from its place on the shelf and had put it next to the baby . I was a Mom now , and did not need a teddy bear anymore . It would be his first toy . I recovered quickly from the birth , but was always tired . That 's what I remember most of that period . Even when children are good and sleep at nighAs the weather turned warmer Paul stopped working in town and remained on the farm again . So he would pick me up at school , and it was common to see him and the baby waiting for me outside . He would come with the truck , and Broomstick would ride in the back as always . He would then put little Robert in his carriage , and walk with him for some time , while waiting for me . They made a nice trio - the two of them and the dog . Everybody knew them , of course , and many parents - the ones who had come to pick up the younger children - would stop and chat with him , enquiring about the baby 's health , or my progress in school . The older students , then , would come looking for us on their way out , and stopped to say hallo to their former high - school friend and admire the child . If we had time or were in the mood , Paul would drive to town and stop at Michael 's house . We would have lunch there , and then drive back with little Mary Ann with us . Other times I would be invited to Paula 's or Trisha 's house . He would then drive me there and leave Robert with me , and would return home and work on the farm . I would walk home from Trisha 's house in the evening , or find a ride from somebody . Even the mood of the school seemed to change along with the weather . I found myself talking to people that had snubbed me before , and even Mr . Bartlett - could you believe it ? - was so kind as to let me change place in class and move closer to the front . I was working hard to prepare for the final exams , even if my grades remained somewhat low . Sometimes I found it hard to concentrate on a difficult lesson . On those afternoons , when it was difficult to commit any notion to mind , I would rise from the desk in our sitting room , take Robert with me and walk with him for a while around the property . We would go visit the animals in the barn , or say hello to Dad in the field ; sometimes he would even give us a ride on the tractor . After an hour I could return to my studies with a lighter heart and greater peace of mind . Also Mary Ann wCopyright 2003 - 2012 Adriana Oberto I have a story in mind . And the telling of it has been going on for a very long time . . . and it 's not done yet . What I am really saying is that - years ago - I began writing a book . YES ! ! A real book ! And it felt good . . . Having a story to tell , I mean . Then I somehow got stuck . But the story has not ended yet . From today on I will post a chapter of my book every few days . You are welcome to read it and comment on it . Who knows ? Maybe it 'll get published one day . . . and then again maybe not . In the meantime , wish me good luck ! ! La mia passione sono le lingue e ne parlo sei : italiano , inglese , francese , tedesco , russo e spagnolo . Sono praticamente bilingue italiano - inglese , avendo vissuto negli Stati Uniti . Offro perciò corsi di lingua inglese a tutti i livelli ; interpretariato da e in inglese , nonchè servizi di traduzione da e nelle altre lingue . Languages are my passion ! I speak six : Italian , English , French , German , Russian , Spanish . I am practically Italian / English bilingual . I offer English language course at all levels ; interpreting and translations services . Lettori fissi
|
and was lying naked on the blanket on our bed . He was looking at the camera and smiling . He had the plumpness of well - fed babies , but the day after , but I did not want to delay . I wanted things to be where they belonged . And so Windy found his place on the chair in her hands full , and I was a welcome help , at least for Ann . We all worked very hard that fall . The men would rise very early at the first project in view of the coming winter holidays . All in all , I must say we all did a good job . The first snow of the season was a when he went there with his father and brother to hunt . We had not returned to the wood , either . It had been a matter of lack of time , and now working , our minds were free to roam , either in silence or not . We would speak of a lot of things . At first it was about nothing in particular - spoilt the occasion for everybody else . In the end , Paul and I retreated to the back early in the evening . We then spent Boxing Day mostly by ourselves , spent their money on Christmas gifts . Besides , my parents were also there , so that she was not alone . It was a good occasion for them to see a lot I do not remember the following days . I was very quiet . I could not bring myself to cry . I felt incredibly tired , as if all strength had been drained from me ; I just wanted to lie on the bed and rest . The couch was even better : it felt so good to lay my head down and curl up on it . The back room had always been very quiet - the noises coming from outside hushed - and that lack of noise now suited me very well . Ann had immediately phoned to my parents , and they had come soon after . I could not bear to look at them , though . I didn 't want to be with anybody . I felt that It had been my fault . I had been selfish in my need to go to the wood . What did I want to prove ? What had I done ? Paul tried to break through to me ; I remember him coming and going , because he needed to take care of things , but he was also frequently there with me and tried to talk to me and arouse me from the indolence I had fallen prey to . I realized only later how much he obviously needed me then , but I just couldn 't be there . My mind was a thousand miles away . I didn 't want to think ; I did not want to be roused and talk ; I just wanted to lie down and sleep . Robert was buried two days later in the church 's graveyard , but I don 't really remember any of it . Up to this day , I know the sequence of events because they have been related to me , but I can 't remember being there at the grave next to Paul . Oh , I 've had nightmares about it . They came and went for quite some time , but it was always in a different setting - in a different place , with a different dress , or other people around me . I 've tried hard over the years , but my mind has remained blind . Maybe it is better so . A mother should never witness his son 's death ; she should never have to stand by his grave . Also the next days are blurred in my mind . We went back home , and my parents suggested I spend some time with them . Since I didn 't care , they decided for me , and I left with them the day after . The first thing I remember clearly is the stricken look in Paul 's face . I could not keep the pain away much longer ; the time had come for me to feel the sorrow , so that I could move on . After I was born , Mom was told she could not bear any more children . She must have grieved for them the way I was grieving now . At least I had had mine for seven months , and could have others . Later that month I finally read all the letters Paul had brought . The first ones - from Ann and Frank , or my friends - were all in the same tone : it had not been my fault to start with , and I should reconcile myself with the situation and come home . I was young and had a whole life in front of me ; I could not waste it - I owed it to myself and to Paul . I actually did not know what to do with my life . It 's so much easier to do nothing - things tend to become blurred , and you feel less pain . I wanted to feel no pain , and I assumed that I could not feel pain for something I was not thinking about . As I was beginning to understand reading Mom 's book , I had been wrong , because those days kept coming back to me . I kept seeing little Robert as if he were still alive , and the look on Paul 's face the day of my departure was very vivid and kept nagging at me . I read those letters over and over again , slowly trying to believe in what was written in them . Some - the later ones - were even entertaining . They were from Trisha or Paula ; in them they told about their lives . I remember Trisha had left her boyfriend at a certain point , and was trying to make me understand why she had to do it . Paula and her boyfriend , on the other hand , seemed to be very much in love , but that precluded her from seeing her friends ( I remember I wondered why , but I never asked her ) . The summer went by without me ; of it , I remember the nights - when the nightmares and the heat kept me awake - more than the days . These were now passing faster , but I still could not bring myself to open Paul 's letter . I dared not see in writing what I assumed he was thinking of me - that it was my fault , and I was the only one to blame . Summer was drawing to an end , and I could feel the change in the air , as the days were getting cooler , and the hours of light fewer . Paul kept coming over the weekends . He hadn 't written any more letters , and had never mentioned that one . He kept bringing presents , though - a small carving , a flower , or soThursday , August 6 , 1959 My dear Heileen , It 's hard for me to commit my feelings to paper . It 's never easy to express clearly what 's inside oneself . I work at the farm and come back in the evening to an empty seat at table and a cold bed . I don 't mean to be reproachful , mind ! I keep asking myself what it is I did wrong . How could I not find a way to touch Your soul in those days after our dear Bobby 's death ? A man 's supposed to give strength to his family , and I failed . I failed to be there and hold You tight ; I should have never let You go ! Everything here reminds me of the life we had together . I can see Bobby 's face looking up at me from behind the couch , or smiling from his crib in the morning . And I am afraid to go to our room at night because sleep is so hard to come ! I miss him , and I miss You . In the middle of the day I take a short break from work , and I can almost feel You there beside me - little Bobby in Your arms - like You have been so many times . Sometimes I think I can hear You coming from behind , but then I turn around , and I realize it was just the wind mocking me . At other times I wake up in the middle of the night and call Your name . Will You ever forgive me , Heileen ? I need You so badly it hurts , and I don 't have the strength to go on hurting this way . It will be hard , and it will take a long time , but I know that - if we are together - we will be able to accept Bobby 's death . God has tried us hard , but we must have faith in Him , and go on with our life . TOGETHER . We have each other , and I love You . Do You remember the day I found You in the wood ? I promised then that I would always stand by You , and I failed in my promise . I am sorry , so very sorry ! But I swear that , if You have me again , I 'll always be at Your side . This is my sweetest dream - that I may one day come to Your house , and see that Your face has changed - that You don 't hate me anymore . I need to look into Your wonderful eyes , and have them look back at me , like they used to . As the days pass , and our wedding anniversaryPaul I finished the letter with eyes full of tears . He was sorry , and he thought I hated him ! How could that be ? I had let almost two months pass and had said nothing at all to him . He had kept coming ; waiting for something - anything - that told him he hadn 't lost me . I had been so blind ! I was so taken by my hurt that I was unable to see his , and I realized now that it must be at least as great as mine . After all , the kid in the grave was his son as much as he was mine . I retreated to my room early that evening - barely touching my dinner . My parents said nothing ; they had given up hope , I think , of changing my behavior . I had refused to go out , to see people , to interact with them . And I must have looked like a very bad wife . Paul had stood by me when I had needed him , but I had not done so in his time of need . And I had let misunderstanding seep between us . I felt that nothing would be well again . It was Wednesday . I would have liked to run out of the house and walk all the way to the farm to see him . On the other hand , I felt so ashamed that I was not sure I should have gone back at all . And so I waited . Time never passes when you 're waiting . It was just two days , but I did a lot of things in those two days . I was active around the house , and I started to go out on errands . My mother was the first to notice the change , of course , and - having divined the reason for it - simply said nothing and welcomed my new mood . With father it was a little different . Of course he knew , but he kept wary - as if he needed to see to make sure . I would catch him looking at me during dinner , or he would stop in the lawn when he came home , and glimpse inside to see what I was doing . Finally Friday came , and as always Dad went to the bus station on his way home . I was in the kitchen as Paul stepped off the car . Mom went to the door to say hello , and then remained with Dad , so as to give us privacy . Paul came into the kitchen and busied himself in helping me with whatever I was doing - making light conversation , Adriana Oberto Chapter Nine My relationship with Paul had strengthened over the months . After the forced chastity following Robert 's birth , we rediscovered our bodies with renewed passion . Sometimes I felt bemused : at the time nobody talked to young girls - or boys for that matter - about sex . You got the impression that it was a necessity brought about by marriage , and that you had to accept it and live with it as best as you could . It was a man 's need , and nobody had ever told me I would enjoy it . Of course we all loved to read romances , or watch those wonderful movies where love was paramount and won over everything , but that was not real life . Men and women married and had children and that was that - what else ? Well , I found out with utter joy that there was so much more to it , and that that " much " could be well enjoyed ! It was a pleasure to see him come in from the door after work , and a delight to sit with him and little Robert on the couch before sleep . I couldn 't wait for the chance to spend some moments during the day alone with him - to exchange a kiss in the field or the barn , or simply to feel his touch on my shoulder in passing . And of course to sleep with him . It was a fortune Robert was nursing vigorously , or I would probably have gotten pregnant again already ! As it was , we were very happy to take pleasure in each other . We were also making plans for the future . As promised , Frank was paying Paul for the work done on the farm . It amounted to only about two hundred dollars a month , to which you had to add the money earned during the winter . It was not a lot , but we didn 't need to spend it and could well save it . We wanted to have a house of our own . We hadn 't even started to look for one , of course , but we had our own views about it . For instance , we would have liked to remain outside of town . That was probably going to be more expensive , though , unless we could build a house of our own , or refurbish an old one . The more we thought about it , the more it seemed feasible : why not extend and rAdriana Oberto December came , and with it the lights and colorful shop windows downtown . Putting aside for once my unwillingness to move from the house , I spent a couple of afternoons walking around the streets with Trisha - and later with Paul - and enjoying a bit of social life . Together we went to the movies , ate at one of the soda shops , met with friends , and did some shopping . The windows were all decorated for Christmas , bulbs flashing . Garlands hung from the walls , and wreaths from doors . Many shops had one of those new transistor radios going , or - better yet - a brand new stereo music recorder , and I remember my favorite rock and roll songs playing alongside Christmas tunes . It had finally snowed , and a white thin mantle covered the streets . I was jolly and merry , and would have hopped my way around had my bulk permitted it . We bought some presents for the members of the family . There remained for me to find a gift for my husband - but what ? Upon much thought , I resolved I would make him a shirt - no small accomplishment for an unskilled teenager . It was difficult , all right ! Not just for the actual making of it - Ann helped me a lot , as with everything . The difficulty lay in keeping it a secret from Paul , who - luckily - was away from the house most of the time . So I carried it with me to school - taking advantage of recess to work - and I worked at home before he came back in the evening , or at night , when my back - or my bladder - forced me to get up . I would then sit on the sofa in our little sitting room , and concentrate on my stitching . Broomstick would get up with me on those occasions , and curl at my feet - a very nice thing since the house was colder at night . I had asked Trisha to buy a length of checkered woolen cloth , and had used one of Paul 's old shirts as a model . Now I just hoped I would finish it in time . Christmas was exactly four weeks after Thanksgiving , and I regretted not having thought about it before . But before Christmas it was time for Mary Ann 's birthday . She wasRobert Thomas Bothwell was born on 26 December 1958 at 11 : 50 in the morning . He had arrived a couple of weeks in advance , but was healthy and full of energy . After all the waiting and wishing the baby were born soon , I did not feel ready to cope with it , and I must admit I even felt a bit left down - I had so much gotten used to calling him Wanda , that it was now hard to realize he was actually a boy . His father was of course very proud of him , and could not wait for the time when he was brought to me for nursing , so that he could hold him in his arms and admire him . What enthralled him most were his tiny feet - so small and yet so perfectly shaped . He would remove his little socks and lose himself in contemplation . It was difficult for me at first - my breasts were small , and so were my nipples , and it was hard for the baby to suckle . Moreover , at first I had little milk of my own , and I hoped I would make more soon . Baby formulas were not common - the first ones were being developed just then - and I hoped there would be no need . After three days we were both back home . Mom and Dad had left the day before , with the promise to visit again as soon as possible . Mom had spent a lot of time with me , giving all the advice she could think of , and I could see she envied Ann the privilege of being with her grandson . Paul was a very apprehensive father . Probably we are all so with our first child . He would get up at night and stand over the crib to catch the baby 's breath , or would hold him and rock him long into the night after his last meal , even when I felt it was time for Bobby to lie in his crib - and for me to finally get some sleep ! We had put the crib next to our bed . The day we had come home , I had taken Windy from its place on the shelf and had put it next to the baby . I was a Mom now , and did not need a teddy bear anymore . It would be his first toy . I recovered quickly from the birth , but was always tired . That 's what I remember most of that period . Even when children are good and sleep at nighAs the weather turned warmer Paul stopped working in town and remained on the farm again . So he would pick me up at school , and it was common to see him and the baby waiting for me outside . He would come with the truck , and Broomstick would ride in the back as always . He would then put little Robert in his carriage , and walk with him for some time , while waiting for me . They made a nice trio - the two of them and the dog . Everybody knew them , of course , and many parents - the ones who had come to pick up the younger children - would stop and chat with him , enquiring about the baby 's health , or my progress in school . The older students , then , would come looking for us on their way out , and stopped to say hallo to their former high - school friend and admire the child . If we had time or were in the mood , Paul would drive to town and stop at Michael 's house . We would have lunch there , and then drive back with little Mary Ann with us . Other times I would be invited to Paula 's or Trisha 's house . He would then drive me there and leave Robert with me , and would return home and work on the farm . I would walk home from Trisha 's house in the evening , or find a ride from somebody . Even the mood of the school seemed to change along with the weather . I found myself talking to people that had snubbed me before , and even Mr . Bartlett - could you believe it ? - was so kind as to let me change place in class and move closer to the front . I was working hard to prepare for the final exams , even if my grades remained somewhat low . Sometimes I found it hard to concentrate on a difficult lesson . On those afternoons , when it was difficult to commit any notion to mind , I would rise from the desk in our sitting room , take Robert with me and walk with him for a while around the property . We would go visit the animals in the barn , or say hello to Dad in the field ; sometimes he would even give us a ride on the tractor . After an hour I could return to my studies with a lighter heart and greater peace of mind . Also Mary Ann wCopyright 2003 - 2012 Adriana Oberto I have a story in mind . And the telling of it has been going on for a very long time . . . and it 's not done yet . What I am really saying is that - years ago - I began writing a book . YES ! ! A real book ! And it felt good . . . Having a story to tell , I mean . Then I somehow got stuck . But the story has not ended yet . From today on I will post a chapter of my book every few days . You are welcome to read it and comment on it . Who knows ? Maybe it 'll get published one day . . . and then again maybe not . In the meantime , wish me good luck ! ! La mia passione sono le lingue e ne parlo sei : italiano , inglese , francese , tedesco , russo e spagnolo . Sono praticamente bilingue italiano - inglese , avendo vissuto negli Stati Uniti . Offro perciò corsi di lingua inglese a tutti i livelli ; interpretariato da e in inglese , nonchè servizi di traduzione da e nelle altre lingue . Languages are my passion ! I speak six : Italian , English , French , German , Russian , Spanish . I am practically Italian / English bilingual . I offer English language course at all levels ; interpreting and translations services . Lettori fissi
|
On the first day , I was privileged to see the Colony Road cow tunnel in use . Between the D & K rest stop and Forest Hill Road , there is a small bridge over a brook . Cows grazing on the north side need to get to the barn on the south side . There is a concrete ramp from the field down to the brook . As I approached , they were going home without interrupting traffic . Up the road in Perrinton , I had a good lunch . Someone riddled that Alma was in the middle of DALMAC . Since this was the first of five days , it didn 't initially make any sense . Once understood , I decided on a bit of mischief up the road . Upon arriving at the ALMA city limits , and with some help , I taped a " D " before , and a " C " after the name on the city limits sign . Alma is the home of Dick Allen , founder of DALMAC . Between Beal City and Farwell , I passed six riders - all but one riding a recumbent . As I went by , I yelled " Who 's the oddball on the upright ? " A couple of miles later , the oddball on the upright caught me to say the recumbent riders got a great amount of satisfaction out of my comment . They had been trying to get him to get a recumbent , and he has refused to just because they wanted him to . Bill Barber is from Indiana and was the only person in his 70 's on my route . He told me about Chuck Harris of Ohio who has for the past 25 years been making review mirrors out of bicycle spokes , beverage containers and bits of glass . Thirty years ago , Chuck built his own bike . He made everything , including the gears . When Chuck was looking for a wife , he would put his date on a bicycle and they would go for a ride . If she didn 't like riding , he wouldn 't call her back . At Lake George , in the Porta - Potty , someone left some baby powder on the floor . I don 't mean in a container . Just how do you apply that stuff and not get it all over your Lycra ? And what about the next few users who drop their shorts unknowingly into that white powder ? In Marion , the toilets had automatic flush . The toilet paper dispenser was behind , rather than at the side of , the toilet . Reaching behind my back to pull a length was a problem because the flusher had water condensation on it . This limited the amount you could pull , and could result in something cold and wet to finish your job . On the other hand , standing up and facing the dispenser flushed the toilet . Being startled when you think you are done can reveal that you weren 't . ' Nuf said . During the past two days , I have had some difficulty getting Sarah down the road . My sense was that I was working hard enough that I should have been farther along than I was . I checked for low tire pressure and dragging brakes . I was beat , and I needed to call on the Boyne City bike shop before it closed at 5pm . I accepted a ride for the remaining 7 miles . After setting up my tent , I turned Sarah over to Dave Moss of D & K . I wanted him to check tire pressure , brake alignment , and wheel bearings . I went to dinner . I 'd just finished dinner when Dave appeared at the doorway , and gave me an animated first finger curl that looked serious . Sarah 's one - piece front hub had become three pieces and the wheel was rolling not on ball bearings , but on the quick release skewer and inner hub . I needed a new hub , and Dave had none the right size . He did have the other size of 20 " wheel , and a set of brakes that would reach the rim , but the generator for my headlight couldn 't reach the tire . In the morning , Dave came back with his measuring device and a bit of a smile . He had a built - up wheel with a hub that had the right dimensions . He removed the hub from the wheel and re - laced it onto my rim . This was done enroute to the bridge on the last day . When it was ready , I could have ridden but elected to rest in Dave 's motor home . As a result , I have 78 fewer miles to claim as my DALMAC mileage . Dick Boyd is a well - traveled bicycle tourist from Iron River . I have only met him on the internet touring list ( Touring @ phred . org ) . I had planned to be his guest in a week . He also makes pottery and was at a Labor Day weekend craft show in St . Ignace . As soon as Dave 's Chauffeur Service arrived at the High School , I dumped my gear on the grass and went looking for Dick in town . I had been wondering whether Dick wore a beard . When I first saw him , it confirmed to me that he is a hairy potter . By this time , both my Achilles heals were bothering me big time . It must have come from the extra effort of riding with a bad front wheel . I couldn 't walk any distance without keeping my knees bent . I was thinking about abandoning the rest of the trip . Dick used to be a runner , and told me I could either rest for days or weeks , or kill the pain and inflammation with the over - the - counter product many runners use . I immediately bought a bottle of Alieve and took two . When I got back to the High School , Dave wanted to check my rear brakes . He did so , and then took Sarah on a 25mph test ride around the parking lot . Next morning , I realized after I had all my equipment loaded that Sarah was still in 19th gear . Umph ! I want to give special thanks to those who eased my anxiety and made the rest of my trip possible . The DALMAC Crew assured me I would get to St . Ignace , even if it was on their rubber rather than Sarah 's . We could check bike shops between Boyne City and Mackinaw City for the right part , if any were open the day before Labor Day . In the end , it was Dave Moss who made it happen . He learned his trade in much the same way I learned mine - OJT . More important in this case was Dave 's persistence and creativity . He got me down the road . On the road by 8 : 10 , a kindly west wind blew me into St . Ignace . I turned north , and the wind followed me up a hill . Life was good . As the sun shown bright , I was pelted with large drops of rain . The wind became a crosswind that almost blew me into a deceased skunk . Thanks to that wind , I never smelled it , coming or going . Within an hour , occasional sprinkles turned into rain . I found shelter under some trees . When the rain quit , I turned west onto M - 123 and within a mile got caught in a downpour . I turned into the first drive and rode right into the garage . I am noticed immediately by a lady with a phone in her hand . I asked to borrow her garage until the rain lets up . We end up having a 45 minute chat . She is a full blooded Chippewa , born in the house in the back yard , and grew up to marry a Norwegian . We talk of the ways of the Indians and hear that the Bridge Walk has been stopped due to the weather . It 's become afternoon and the clouds have thinned to reveal the sun . I 've gone less than 15 miles this day when I realize I 'm moving faster than the air that was in my rear tire . Some thoughtful person , done with their Miller Light in a bottle , broke its neck to give me a break . My new extra wide Kenda tire didn 't want to leave the rim . After a long battle , and lunch , I 'm back on the road a mere 75 minutes later . I have taken the offending broken neck parts into custody . Thirty - five interesting miles from St . Ignace , I 'm set up at Trout Lake Township Park . I planned it to be a short - mileage day . I didn 't know just how much help I would get insuring it would be that way . I stopped for a pasty . When the waitress said Labor Day cleaned them out , I walked out . I was putting my helmet on when she came out to say the cook found two . She overcharged me for my beverage , took my money with the bill , and said she would be right back . She disappeared to read War and Peace , then came back with my change . I left her a ten cent tip . I asked someone " How far to Manistique ? " . " Oh , that 's a long ways - probably 40 minutes . " " How far to Gulliver ? " . " Oh , that 's really close - only 30 minutes . " Duh ! I 'd planned to stop at a campground before Manistique that was 3 miles off my route . It was still early , I was feeling good , so I saved six miles by passing it up . I did laundry in town , then went to Indian Lake State Park on the other side of town , a mere 4 miles off route . Duh ! Although I set up in the dark , I could see a nearby motor home . Next to it was what looked like a tent , resting on a spread - out ground cloth , waiting to be set up . Next morning , as I packed , I noticed the ' tent ' move , becoming a sleeping bag . Must have been too cold inside the motor home . On the way out I filled my water bottle at the convenient ' drinking water ' faucet , not noticing until too late that someone upwind was dumping their ' honey ' ( and I don 't mean girl friend ) . I 'd obviously forgotten to take my enieffaC tablet . I love peanut butter cups , but they don 't travel well . I have discovered a good substitute - Jif Smooth Sensations - Chocolate Silk flavor . If you don 't carry a spoon , use your fingers . I had traveled over 30 miles , mostly in the Hiawatha National Forest . There were lots of trees , two bar and grills , and a convenience store . In Shingleton , the ' convenience store ' had no public rest room . M - 28 to Munising promised lots of logging trucks ; I saw two as I walked into the ' convenience store ' . In the 10 miles to Munising on this particular Wednesday afternoon , I saw only one . It had no load , and was coming out of Munising . What a relief . I stayed at Munising Municipal Park , just a couple of hills west of town . I was assigned tent site # 2 right on Lake Superior . It came with two precocious little neighbor girls who had more questions than time to listen to answers . There was a lifetime supply of noisy , hungry sea gulls . And upwind was the fragrance of the bathroom 's leaky drain field . Site # 9 , also on Lake Superior , had no such nasal stimulus , but did have a neighbor from East Lansing , another who had done a self supported trip to Boston , and at the trailer across the road , a BikeE recumbent . What a difference a 100 yards makes . I was coming back to Munising for the Pictured Rocks boat tour , which turned out to be the highlight of my tour . I sat on the upper deck , right at the front . After the fully loaded boat was under way , I noticed that was where the loud speakers were . I had taken with me my front pannier so as to have snacks , warmer clothing , and my camera . Fortunately , it also had my tree inspection kit ( toilet paper ) . A little wad of tissue in each ear solved the speaker volume problem . " Some people can 't handle the motion of the boat for long and get sea sick . If this happens to you , quickly go to the rail and let it go . Try to use the rail away from the wind . " Somehow , it became afternoon - time to get down the road . ( Always remember and never forget : Time flies like an arrow and fruit flies like a banana . ) I was about a half - day behind schedule , but so far the day had made it worthwhile . Fast forward a couple hours . Imagine big hills , a headwind , and the temperature in the 90s . I can 't tell up from down , so I take a break . After a banana and some peanut butter , I 'm feeling better . That next hill doesn 't seem so big any more . Twenty minutes later , not yet at the top , I stop and take a picture of where I came from . In spite of not leaving until the afternoon , I managed 46 miles . I was just north of Little Lake when I happened upon the Lakeside Resort - a half dozen cabins on the lake . The owners allowed me to pitch my tent on the lush grass between their garage and flower garden . And they only charged me four bucks ! In the morning , the lady came out and offered to open up one cabin so I could use the shower and toilet . Several miles down the road , I got a wake - up call . A loaded school bus passed me on a curve . There was an oncoming car . I took to the gravel . Everything worked out OK . Since leaving Munising , the towns have been small , smaller , or just a dot on the map . Two miles west of Gwin , I got passed by a taxi . A TAXI ? ! ? I wonder how many times the driver 's meter had rolled over ? Adventures come in different packages . South of Palmer , I stopped to talk with a couple of female joggers . Their adventure had been to have a ride on an ore boat from Duluth , through the Soo Locks , and down to Ohio . The food was excellent , the service was great , and they saw a boat go through the locks with just inches to spare on either side . However , to get on the boat , they had to climb a rope ladder . Their luggage was then hauled aboard on the end of a long rope . I stopped at a ( the other kind of full service ) gas station . An old guy in a pickup truck came in for ten bucks of gas . He handed over the cash and thanked the Scandinavian attendant for the service . The response was " Yup , and I didn 't even have to put any on the ground . " National Mine is actually the name of a town with a copper mine . As I stopped at the general store / post office , three young teenage boys came up . I told them several jokes , then said they had to tell me one . This is what one came up with . " Joe heard this and decided to go out and give it a try . He came back , all battered , broken , and bloody . They asked him what happened . Joe said ' Saw tracks , followed tracks , train came ' . " As he finished , a guy came up on sort of a motorcycle . It had tires at least a foot wide and looked to be made of spare parts . The owner came out of the store with a sandwich in his hand and a bottle of Pepsi in his shirt pocket . I asked him to tell me about it . " Well , I found the frame and the wheels in the scrap pile - somebody 'd threw it away . I took the motor off my snow blower . The gas tank 's off a 125 Suzuki . The back fender is off a Honda 350 . And I pieced it all together and give her a little ( yellow ) paint . " After all the fun , I had trouble leaving National Mine . Climbing the big hill going north out of town , I got a flat in front of the mine . The flat was again on the rear , and was caused by sharp rock called ' slag ' , a byproduct of processing the copper ore . I captured the culprit , but that didn 't make my Kenda tire come off any easier . I had to unload Sarah , turn her over , remove the wheel , and try to get the bead over the rim . Ten minutes later , with no success , the father of the kids from back at the store happened by . He offered to send them back with a set of tire levers . They came back with screwdrivers . Thankfully , I had the tire off by then . Now I would have more trouble with them than the tire . They wanted to hang around and watch , in the road . There was some traffic . I 'd get them out of the road , but as soon as it was clear , they were back in the road . I rushed completion to get rid of the kids . In the process , I got the tire badly centered , rubbing on a brake pad . So it was off with the tent and panniers , center the tire , and reload . The whole process took an hour and a half . Finally , back out in the middle of nowhere , some bird , whistling while I worked , was using my cranks as a metronome . Little Johnny one - note had me convinced that Sarah had a squeak in her bottom bracket . ( Where in the world is Sarah 's top bracket ? ) I soon found myself at a busy crossroad . My route for the day had no busy crossroads . I shuda used my compass . It would have warned me I was going north instead of west . For disrespecting an important tool , I was doomed to pay the following prices : As I came to Koski Corners where I would leave one busy road to get onto the other one , it began to rain . I stopped at a bar , but they only had frozen pizza . A very wet quarter mile down the road was a cafe with grilled cheese sandwiches and something they wanted to call tomato soup . I was to be in Iron River the next day , and wanted to connect with Dick Boyd . I bought a phone card at the gas station across the street , then used an outside pay phone . No answer . To find a phone , I took the poor excuse for a road going into Republic . The town has a nice park on a river , but no level spot for a tent . It also had broken glass in the road near the park , one church , and four bars . At one bar , I went inside to try calling again . No answer . A good thing about busy highways is that they can have roadside parks . I found one south of Republic . In one part of it there was a hidden - from - traffic location in a low area that was high above a river . For additional security , I set up my tent under the drooping branches of an evergreen . Morning came . As I woke up , it started to sprinkle . I decided to wait it out . I could have left a bit earlier had I realized that , after the rain had stopped , tree continued to drip on my tent . Oh well , I probably needed the rest . I rode off in the sunshine , which didn 't last . When the rain started , I stopped at a restaurant , parked Sarah , grabbed my money , and went inside . Oops , rewind . Money gone . Even unpacked the tent looking for it . When we met , he agreed to retrace my route back to where I bought the phone card . We did , without any success . At least we tried . Dick took me back to his home . It started out as single story without a basement . He dug a basement , then later added a second floor . His pottery wheel and kilns are in the basement where he has ' the best gig in the world ' . He loves his work , and his work shows it . He has a dog and a cat - both of which are quite independent . Years ago , the dog had an accident which rendered one of his eyes useless and gross looking . He has adapted just fine . Dick prefers touring in the early spring . He takes a train to somewhere in the South , then rides home . That way , he can follow the warmer weather as it moves north . It also fits his business schedule best . I used Dick 's floor pump to get my back tire pressure up to normal . As I walked away , it blew a patch . Back to the battle of Kenda . Dick was amused by my difficulty getting the tire off the rim . . . until he tried it , and broke one of his tire levers in the process . Morning had arrived at Hotel Boyd . Later this morning I would be in Wisconsin . Dick offered to drop me off in Iron River . He lived on a gravel road ( well , actually beside it ) , the connecting paved road into town wasn 't much better for riding , and getting to M - 189 wasn 't a straight shot . Looking at a map as I write this , I still can 't figure out how he got me there . And then there was that humongous hill I saw yesterday as we came into town . I didn 't want to go down that by mistake . So I accepted . After only a mile of riding , I was looking at a hill I was sure my cold muscles would notice . It was a 10 % grade for a tenth of a mile . I asked myself " If I take it easy , how bad can it be ? " Cresting it , I found the next hill not as steep at only 9 % , but twice as long . I vowed to stop asking myself silly questions . An hour later I stopped on the bridge over the Brule River and had breakfast - a cup of apple sauce . To the north was the " Welcome to Michigan " sign ; to the south was " Welcome to Wisconsin " . I was in a state of confusion . That 's when I had my grate experience . At my feet was a piece of cast iron , opening to the river below , inscribed with " East Jordan Iron Works " . Could I be hallucinating on Wall Drugs ? ( Note : East Jordan is the town just south of the meanest hill on the DALMAC ride ; they call that hill " The Wall " ) Not far into Wisconsin I stopped at a bar to satisfy an urgent biological commitment . In spite of it being Sunday morning , there were a half dozen patrons . As I left the restroom , several sarcastically said " Thank You " . It was nearly noon when I got to Mel 's General Store at Long Lake . They had all the essentials - V - 8 , cheese curd , and skinning knives . I mentioned the bar activity to an old guy outside . He said it was Sunday , and they are attending their church . I said I hoped I could get down the road before the services were over and the congregation let out . With the temperature in the low 50s , sometime after leaving Long Lake , it began to rain . Forty miles south of my start at Iron River I dripped into Laona . As I shopped in the grocery store , the rain stopped . I changed into some dry socks and oversocks , but what I really wanted , a laundromat , had gone out of business a year earlier . Ten miles further , as I approached Wabeno , I passed four goats by the side of the road . I turned around and they ran back up their master 's driveway to a shelter in the back . That scattered a large bunch ? of rabbits . On the outskirts of town ( must be a female town , or Scotch ) at the entrance to a wayside ( roadside park ) laid a dead deer . At the next driveway up was a sign " Deer corn for sale " . I guess the corn was more than the deer could pay for . I wanted to call on the Lakewood bike shop the next morning . I stayed at a private campground a mile north . Morning came . I got my rubber on the road and still within sight of the campground , thawp thawp thawp - more castoff radial tire wire cycled past my fender three times , then let go . I quickly dismounted and ran with Sarah , her tire slowly giving up air . At least it was down hill . Pump the tire back up and run . Repeat . Just after I pushed it across the street to the front door of the bike shop , the shop opened for business . I got a new tube and got rid of the Kenda . All that unused tread , and I didn 't give a dime . And with a freely given adjustment to my route , I traded seven very hilly miles for eight fairly level ones . I can tell you I 've spent the last day and a half riding through the Nicolet National Forest . Whenever I would stop , and there was no traffic , I would listen in the woods for sounds that could be made by a bear . I started doing this when I was half way through the U . P . Wild camping was not the most attractive option . For some reason , before I left home I thought I would see more bears in the UP than in Wisconsin . That was wrong . I saw the same number of bears in Wisconsin as I did in Michigan - zip . The road has become hilly and curvy and every few miles there is a " slow vehicle turnout " . Figuring I qualified , I stopped at one along the Wolf River . At that point , the river was swift , scenic , and easily a quarter mile across . What a peaceful place to be . It was hard to leave . At Kensha , I had my only encounter with an Indian . He was swatting flys off the ceiling in a party store . He had a good sense of humor and if I had been blindfolded , I 'd still be looking for my first Indian . I didn 't ask if he drove a pickup truck . I was getting close to Shawano and another bike shop . It was getting closer to five o ' clock and I wanted to be there before they closed , not knowing when that might be . At the intersection leading into town , I asked for directions . " Go west to the sixth signal light and turn left . It 's at the railroad tracks . " Hoping for closely spaced signal lights , each turning green as I approached , was only a dream . It helped that my bladder was nearly full . When I got there at 5 : 10 , I found their hours were 4 - 7pm . I showed the RealLITE to the wrench , who called the owner 30 miles away ( he used the phone ) . He would buy four tomorrow morning . We would meet for breakfast . The wrench went back to installing a chain for a 12 - year old boy . I mentioned to the wrench that I was looking for a place to camp . The boy said I could set up my tent in his yard . That is , I could if I wasn 't a mass murderer . I called his bluff by saying it would be OK if he could get an OK from his parents . He called my bluff by taking me home , just four blocks away . Sarah and I stood out on the sidewalk in front of his house while he went for his mother . " Hey mom , come down here quick . I 've got a real bicyclist here . " Soon after that Angel ( her real name ) appeared and we were introduced . When young Jory asked her if I could camp in the yard , the first question she asked was " You 're not a mass murderer , are you ? " After I assured her that I was not . I was given permission and began to set up my tent . Jory soon reappeared to say " My mom has just made a turkey pot pie . Would you like some ? " Duh ? It was the kind of meal that was hard to swallow . It tasted sooooo good in my mouth . Jory joined me , and we talked . Jory has a business . He finds bikes that are being discarded , or for sale cheap . He cleans them up , gets minor repairs made , and sells them for a profit . Did I say he was only 12 years old ? This kid not only is polite , considerate , and generous , he is a businessboy . I fell asleep on a full stomach and woke up in time to say goodbye to Jory before he left for school . Then it was off for breakfast with the bike shop owner . Even though I 'd forgotten the name of the cafe , I figured once downtown , it would come to me , until I saw at least four places to eat breakfast . Up and down main street , I finally guessed right . After breakfast , we returned to the bike shop so I could get his order sent to him . Dave at Riverfront Cycles back home in Lansing had agreed to help me with this . When I called , he gave me some unbelievable story about plane crashes in New York . After reality set in , I was glad there wasn 't a TV for me to be in front of all day . The day was uneventful until late afternoon . Going east , I came to the point where I was to turn south . A treeless , buildingless mile ahead I could see a town on a hill . The tallest building had a spire reaching into the sky . I decided to investigate . The spire was on a church . Well over a hundred years ago , a Negro came to this place , looked it over , proclaimed " This looks like freedom to me " , and settled there . This town in Wisconsin is called Freedom . On this day , September 11 , I thought it was a good place to be for a while . Tomorrow I wanted to be on the car ferry , crossing Lake Michigan . The state park I had chosen was at least a 4 - hour ride from the ferry . I needed to buy my ticket before 1pm . There was enough time if I woke up in time . And if there wasn 't a headwind . And if Sarah didn 't break down . And if I didn 't make a wrong turn . Too many ' ands ' . I was still feeling good , the sky was clear , so I decided to head towards Lake Michigan . I would begin looking for a place to wild camp when I began to get tired . As the sun began setting , I experienced traffic of another sort . Police had to keep roads clear near each gas station . I stopped at one in Hilbert to take care of my input and output needs ( definately not in that order ) . One car ran out of gas while waiting , and had to be pushed . Another lady just came in to " top off " her 3 / 4 - full tank . I felt pretty good about riding a bicycle , even though chocolate milk still cost more per gallon than gas . Almost 20 miles later , in the dark , I came to an intersection in Clarks Mills that had me confused . I went into the Wise Guys Bar & Grill to get directions and a Mountain Dew . I sat on a bar stool next to a Harley - riding , twice - convicted felon who had been married four times to three women ( that doesn 't total 12 ) . He said he doesn 't go into Manitowoc much . The police have flashlights with built - in breathalyzers and he drinks a lot . The owner of the bar said I could set up my tent behind the bar ( outside ) . I was next to the volleyball court on fresh sod . For me , this was kind of a repeat from my stay last year in Pensaukee , except for the fresh ( lumpy ) sod . When I got up , it was sprinkling . Once on the ( right ) road , I enjoyed sunshine , 60 degree temperature , and a mild tailwind . With less than 15 miles to go , I arrived plenty early . I bought my ticket and visited a couple of bike shops . Last year I was too rushed to take the submarine tour . A passenger on the boat told me it wasn 't very good - I wasn 't missing much . Well , I bought a ticket anyway and I thoroughly enjoyed everything except for when I banged my arm or leg against metal airlock doors or steep stairways . The tour guide was a funny old sailor who actually served on a sub like this during World War II . We learned a lot about life on a sub . Each man got a shower once a week ( but none for the first two weeks ) , with an officer turning the water on and off for him . The submariners were the best fed of any sailors , but for the first two weeks they had potatoes for every meal . It was a top priority because they had to empty the shower room . Periscopes , contrary to Hollywood 's idea , would break the surface for 10 seconds or less at a time . While on the surface , diesel engines charged batteries . Propulsion was entirely electric . Air was cleaned and reused , mixed with air from cylinders of compressed air . I got back in plenty of time to get Sarah and myself aboard the Badger . It must have been a bit cooler this year ; I had no inclination to lay on a lounge chair on the front deck . The TV room on the port side was tuned to CNN ; all seats were taken . The TV room on the starboard side was tuned to another news channel ; only a few empty seats there . I tried to be other places most of the time . As we neared the Michigan shore at Ludington , I noticed storm clouds to the west . I hurried to where Sarah was stored as soon as I could in a bid to get camped before getting wet . It was not to be . This time , Sarah was blocked in by two rows of cars . As Sarah waited for her freedom , it started to rain . I think even the people in wheelchairs left the boat before I did . Leaving Ludington last year , a local lambasted the location I 'd listed as likely lodging . He had had a heavy heart about the hard hills ahead . Preferring a place more pleasant , I canned my plan and ended up in a ball field in the moonlight downwind from a hog farm . Self supported touring is about being out of your comfort zone , and dealing with the unusual . This is hard to prepare for , so I 'm going to give you an example . This is important . Listen to what I am about to tell you , or get a 3rd grader to read it to you . At my first turn , I didn 't . While I waited , six gravel trucks tried to be first down my road . I fooled them ; I went straight . A mile later , I had to choose between two gravel roads , or go back . I checked the map and took the shortest distance to a crossroad . Half way there , I found myself pushing Sarah through sand . beat him up the hill . Somewhat softened , a Shepherd ( might have been German , but I know little of the language except what I learned from watching Hogan 's Heroes ) was able to catch me . Since it was daytime , and not near Christmas , I thought it would be OK to zap the shepherd with my Dazzer . He stopped ; I got away . Interested in an internet infusion , I located the local library . Being identification insufficient , I was informed instantly they had rules . I left , came back , showed them the picture of the back of my head that is on my web site , and duh ! they were happy . I figured the local laundromat wouldn 't ask for ID , but I did have to answer some questions as I left . A guy followed me out and asked " Do you have a dollar ? " I said " Just a minute - I 'll check " . I looked , and I did , so I said " Yes , I have a dollar " as I put my money away . With a confused look on his face , he said " Can I have it ? " and I said " Why ? " . " Smokes " he said . I said " I don 't smoke and I don 't think anybody should smoke , so I 'm not giving you a dollar . Have a nice day . " Just call me judgmental . About 13 miles before Hesperia , I got another flat from steel belted radial tire wire , this time on the front . I was able to find the piece of wire in the tire . That made finding the hole in the tube easy . As I was repairing it , a man in a pickup truck stopped to offer help , saying he would be back by in about 45 minutes . He did come back , but by then I was on the road approaching Ferry ( the town ) . On the other side of Ferry , a little hot dog dog was chasing me . It was all he could do to run and bark at the same time . I yelled at him to go home , and he veered off . A short time later , I heard the heavy breathing of a much larger dog . It was one of those brown thigh - highs . I told him to go home , and he did ( I guess ) . I crossed yet another political boundary , announced with the sign " Entering Newfield Township - a zoned community " . It was soon obvious it was zoned for cars and trucks , tastefully displayed on cinder blocks , skinhead kids riding motor scooters , and unleashed dogs . Can you just imagine how bad it would be without zoning ! I 'd stopped at a roadside park to use the facilities and get water . I got to talking with a hapless man filling jugs with water . This is the third time I 've seen people getting public water to take home , and each time there was a story to be told . Hapless had been living with his brother and bride of 3 years ; they were in the big house and he in the little cottage . She filed for divorce , kicking his brother into the cottage . The his brother kicked him out , so he moved into the camping trailer he used for hunting , putting most of his stuff into storage . It was probably just as well . Hapless was as unlucky at work as he was with his brother . Once he got a flat tire on the trailer . Another time the brakes on his big rig locked up and the tires caught on fire . It seemed like trouble would follow him around . It was 7 : 30 when I woke up . It was as close to freezing as it could be without making ice . Last year it rained until nearly noon . I decided to sleep in . Well , I was awake now . Furthermore , I was getting warmer as my blood began to boil . I slowly began to get organized , but it wasn 't fast enough . That voice came back , and like I was his little kid that was going to miss the bus , he boomed " You up yet ? " Well , being social that early in the morning was apparently not something either of us is good at . I boomed back ( accurately , I might add , since I 'd done my homework two years ago ) " This roadside park is the responsibility of the State , not the County . " He mistakenly retorted " Well , you 're not leaving , then " and as he walked away , I heard him say " Well , I guess I 'll just have to call the sheriff . " After an hour and fifteen minutes , I was packed and ready to hit the road . I could wait for the sheriff no longer . Two minutes after I pulled onto the highway , I was passed by a State Police car . The officer didn 't even slow down or pay any attention to me . I guess I 'll never know whether waiting another five minutes would have given me another story to tell . Bummer . Taking back roads , five miles later I was entering the Manistee National Forest at Jugville . I stopped on a bridge over Robinson Creek that emptied from Robinson Lake . The stream was dammed ( not damned ) by a couple 2x10s stacked to keep the water level a foot and a half higher than nature intended . It wasn 't an official historical marker , but out in the water was a sign documenting a local battle . It read : " Any tampering with this dam or its boards are protected by the Circuit Court " . Did that mean if you tampered , the Circuit Court would protect you ? Or does it mean to put up a sign , you need not be literate ? Watching a hawk circle on the thermals is both interesting and relaxing . Watching two or three is fun , too . But when ten of them gather , as they did down the road from Jugville , you spend most of your time watching for mid - air collisions . That 's almost as much fun as a figure - eight track on the Fourth of July , and a whole lot quieter . For me to get internet access at the library in White Cloud , I was asked for my ID . When I told them I 'd lost it , they just asked my name and address , then let me have access . Score : Hart 3 , White Cloud 7 . I routed myself through White Cloud on the chance I would again see the mysterious fisherman on a bicycle . That didn 't happen , but a couple blocks north I stopped at Hot Diggity Dog , a hot dog stand on wheels . Last year , the owner had it open on weekends . He made so much money doing it he quit his regular job , and now has it open full time . Yes , I did say White Cloud , like Laingsburg , a town of barely a thousand people . The owner has a newlywed niece who went to Spain for their honeymoon . The plane they got on to bring them back , didn 't . It turned around and went to Switzerland . Three days later , on September 14th , they were still stuck in Switzerland . Feeling in need of some energy , I stopped a party store near Hardy Dam and bought a chunk of fudge about the size of a small candy bar . It was marked 13 oz . When I insisted she weigh it for me , we found it was thirteen hundredths of a pound . However , the price charged was appropriate . I 'd rather she just make up the difference in the weight . While riding on the causeway over Hardy Dam , I heard airplane engines . I prayed " Just let me get across , first " . You can believe me when I tell you " Nothing Happened " . A bearded man and his two sons got out of their car . I decided not to ask them where their still was . They came back from the store , I made a rough count - sixty cans of beer and a two liter Coke . On the way out of Morley , I stopped at a park to use the facilities . On the playground , three elementary school aged kids were playing . I talked with the lady watching them . Apparently , they come here most every day after school , and go fishing , too . Today , the boy caught two perch , but threw them back because he wanted to play . The day before , he caught a pail full . I do better in the early morning when I am touring than when I am at home . That doesn 't mean I do good enough . One morning , the temperature was low enough I decided to wear wool socks over my CoolMax socks . After I put them on one foot , I had trouble finding the other CoolMax sock . I 'd put them both on the first foot , with one wool sock on top . Just south of Butternut , four kids forced me to stop by yelling " cool bike " . They had a lot of questions - they always do . But the one I 'd never heard before , and the one I liked the best was " Are we asking too many questions ? " . Between Pewamo and Westphalia , I had an urgent biological need . I spotted the high school . Then I saw the high school football field . And there were porta potties . And a fence between them and me . Eyeballing along the fence , I saw a gate that was twisted . Could I squeeze through ? Not ! Just as I was trying to figure how to ride with my knees together , a guy drove up , and he had a key . He was opening the concessions for the night 's football game . Relief ! It 's cool at 2am at Sleepy Hollow as I sit on the holey throne . A father comes in with his son , who sees the urinals and says " I gotta pee " . Dad wants more out of him and they both enter the next stall . The young fellow is placed on the toilet seat , his feet not able to reach the floor . After a bit , the son says " I don 't have to go " . Dad says " You 're all done ? " . They trade places . Now , Dad has a warm place to sit . It 's morning and time to hook up the 5th wheel at the campsite behind me . The husband hops into the cab of the red pickup truck . ( Survey said : Half the trucks in the Sleepy Hollow campground were red . ) Wife says " Comon ' back . . . comon ' back " . Then there is a loud noise , after which the wife says " That 's good " .
|
Funny thing about a spark . Typically it just burns for a split second and goes away quietly . Millions , perhaps billions of sparks happen daily and nothing ever happens . They just illuminate quickly and go away , just as quickly . Nobody ever gives them a second thought . But sometimes that spark comes in contact with a volatile material and ignites it . We sometimes do our best to avoid them , like explosive workers . But sometimes that spark just happens to come in contact with said volatile material and an explosion happens . Call it destiny or happenstance ; it happens no matter what precautions we take . We can do everything on the planet to prevent that spark , but sometimes it just happens whether we want it to or not . And in other times , people feel the need to pour gasoline on the pile of sweating dynamite while lighting a cigar and talking on their cell phone … He studied her with a knowing look and peered into her eyes . The eyes were always told of how old a person was , how much they had seen and furthermore , what they happened to be thinking . " How old did you say you were ? " " Again , kind of young to be smoking , but it 's your lungs , " he said as he dug in his pocket and grabbed at the lighter he carried there . He cupped his hand and lit the cigarette as she puffed at it . He took the time to notice she didn 't inhale and rather puffed at it without drawing in the smoke . " Just letting you know , " he said and turned to walk back to his truck . He put the groceries in the lockbox in the bed and unlocked the door . After getting inside , he took a second look at the girl waiting near the doorway , continually looking around the parking lot and at the people going in and out of the store like she was waiting on something or someone . He started the vehicle and put it into gear before taking another look at her . When he looked into her eyes a few moments ago , he also noticed she had a look of fear , of anxiousness and of a need for help . She was scared , but he had no idea of who or what . He could have dialed up the Erwin Police and sent out a unit to check on her and debated that for a moment . But in the end , sighed and decided to figure out what she needed before making any judgment calls . He drove back to the entrance , her eyes following him the whole way . " You want to buckle up ? " he asked as he pulled away from the door . She grabbed at the seatbelt and pulled it over , locking it in place . " So , where you from ? " She laughed at the comment and looked out the window at the trees passing by on the two lane highway . The look of fear had disappeared from her face , but the anxiousness still was in her eyes . The remainder of the drive was spent in silence from Erwin to Unicoi Tennessee . He eventually reached his turn off spot by Jones Hardware and came to a stop . " I 'm turning towards home from here , " he said . " Well , thanks for the ride Mister , " she said . She grabbed the pack at her feet and popped open the door , walking over in the parking lot next to the roadway . When she got there , she looked north and south along the road , wondering what to do next . " Listen , it 's going to be dark in a couple of hours and there isn 't any place in town to take you in . You don 't have any place to go and the sheriff will bust you for vagrancy if he finds you sleeping out on a store front somewhere . I 've got a guesthouse at my place and I can put you up for the night if you want , " he offered . She contemplated his offer for about two seconds before deciding the chance to sleep in an actual bed and take an actual shower appealed to her more than trying to find a place to sleep out again . For all I know , he could be a serial killer , weird axe murderer or some pervert , but I just don 't get that vibe from him she thought and made her choice . She hopped back off the sidewalk and got back into the vehicle . " Just for the night . " Cindy had spent a restless night sleeping off and on , worrying about her newfound " friend " from the previous night . Not that she didn 't trust him , but she just didn 't … trust him fully . But she had a plan for that as well . She carried a claw hammer in her bag just in case and had slept with it under her pillow that night , waking up at the strangest sound and slightest creak of the cabin and grabbing it every time in case she needed to use it . But the night had passed without incident and she wondered what kind of situation she was getting into . Plus , she wondered if she should tell him what brought her to this small farm in East Tennessee . It was going to be daybreak soon and she could see the early morning gray associated with just before the sun began to rise . She rose out of the bed , feeling somewhat uncomfortable wearing the clothing of the man 's dead wife , but until she could get inside and grab her own clothing , she was kind of stuck with it . She looked in the mirror and saw the dark rings under her eyes from the restless night she spent and decided she didn 't need to worry that much about it next time . Her life was in her own hands now and she needed to start thinking on that level . She had a shudder at the thought of what she had been in before and decided it wasn 't so bad being in this strange bedroom in a strange place and with a stranger watching over her . She contemplated taking another shower and decided it would be better if she get it out of the way quickly before getting underway that day . " Absolutely , " said Mitch as they entered the kitchen . He grabbed a cup since this was not the first visit to the farm he had done before . Lifelong friends since kindergarten , the two got along great and often bounced ideas off each other . Mitch fought against the corruption so evident in a small county sheriff and had very few people in the area he could call a true friend . Charlie was one of the few that he could rely on , thick or thin . But by and large , the county appreciated what he did and had reelected him into his position again by a large majority . " One of the deputies called in sick . His wife and kid are down with a stomach bug so I 'm filling in on his shift today . Plus your call has me curious , " said Mitch as he poured a cup of coffee . " Eight O ' clock brand ? " " Yeah , decided to give it a try after I had that cup at the courthouse . Smells rich , " said Charlie . " Found something in Erwin that has me kind of curious . Young girl , runaway I think . No story to speak of and not from around here either . Says she is from Cleveland Ohio , but her accent is kind of New England . Won 't talk , but looks scared to death at what she came from , " said Charlie . " No , I don 't think she 's any of those . She doesn 't fit the profile or at least for now . Maybe down the road , but not at the moment . You know me , I like to help people , " said Charlie . " I can send out a ping with her name and address , but thousands of young girls go missing each year . Like searching for a needle in a haystack , but we could get lucky . However , without a decent address , we aren 't going to get that lucky , " said Mitch . " Name ? " Charlie turned and looked where Mitch was motioning his head and sure enough , Cindy was coming through the yard towards the back door . " Yeah , that 's her . She was probably going to sneak out quietly . " " I do and if it was anyone else , I wouldn 't believe them . But yes Charlie , you 're a good guy and wouldn 't take advantage of the situation . Annie , God rest her soul , would come back and haunt you for the rest of your life and you wouldn 't forgive yourself in the first place , " said Mitch . " I am helping you . But you won 't talk to me so I had no other choice . I think you need help , but for the life of me I don 't know what kind . He can help with whatever problems you have . Trust me , I 've known Mitch Brewer my whole life and if there is anyone who can help you , it 's him , " said Charlie patiently . " Thanks , but no thanks . I 'm leaving , " she said and went into the laundry room to grab her items . She was intercepted by Mitch . " Listen young lady . Charlie Gray is a downright great guy and I trust him without question . If he says you are in trouble and in need of help , I 'm going to give it to him . Now we can do this the easy way or the hard way , " said the Sheriff . She continued to look at them with a tear streaming down her face . She had no idea if these two could help her and she immediately distrusted any law enforcement since they had been no help before . She had no idea what to do except escape once again when the cir * * * stances would let her . She had no idea neither one of the men would let her . " Negative , I 've got Charlie with me , " said Mitch into the radio . He turned back to Cindy and softened his look . " Want to start at the top ? " Cindy sat down at the table and started talking . Who she was , where she came from , how long it took her to get here and what drove her away to start with . She was fifteen years old and from a small community near Rochester New York . And she had another name as well for him to put out on the computer systems , Haseena Hassan . Her father had converted over to Islam three years prior and drug his family along with him including his children . But that 's where the problems just started . Her father had fallen in with a radical Imam preaching in a small community in upstate New York and his leanings were now closer to being on the dangerous fringe rather than in moderation which many practiced . Upon moving his family closer to the congregation , he also forced the new name change to Hassan and gave the remainder of his children new Islamic names . She had a younger brother and sister and he started enforcing a strict Islamic dress code . The school where they lived was a private one and closed to females of all types . There weren 't that many girl children around , but all were forced to wear the traditional hijab and the full length abaya , and some were even forced to wear the niqāb if their father enforced the strict dress code . And her father was one of those strict fundamentalists who decided his daughter would be hidden from public view at all times . And he started treating his daughters and wife differently . Physical abuse was not uncommon along with punishments for minor transgressions . " But that 's not why I left . My father told me I was to be married to a man in the congregation , the Imam . He is forty - seven years old and my father told me I was to marry him and keep him happy as it was what Allah wanted , " she cried , thinking over what had happened the previous week . " I KNOW ! " she exclaimed through tears . " Why come all the way to Tennessee though ? Why not go to the police up there ? " asked Charlie . " I didn 't think of going to them . I managed to steal some money out of my father 's wallet and some old clothing from my mother and run away two nights before I was to be wed to him . I caught a ride to the nearest bus stop and headed south from there . I managed to make it to near Roanoke before the money ran out and I managed to hitch rides from there . I had made it to this town when Charlie found me , " said Cindy crying . " I 've got no reason to doubt her , " said Mitch , thinking of what had been said . " I mean , the story could be made up , but it 's not . I can 't tell you why except that little hunch I 've got . " " I don 't know . Just the funny feeling I get . I 'd rather do it from one of the State terminals at the Troopers ' office or in Johnson City myself . Preferably a place they can 't easily track , " said Mitch . " I 'm thinking I might not like what kind of answers I get if we get a hit , " said Mitch . " And let 's just play this out . Let 's say for a moment what she told us was true . Her parents are going to want to come get her or we bring her to them . Now I ain 't about to take some young girl who should be worried about a prom date back to be married to some dirty old man . I put her name out across the TBI terminal and it comes back with a hit , especially if she was reported missing . The hit is traced back to my office . It gives them a place to start looking . And I 'd rather keep her under wraps until we can figure out what she said is true . " " I 'm rarely shocked in my life . Can 't say I 've seen everything , but not too many things in this life surprise me . But I will admit this is in my top three if it pans out , " said Mitch . " No … well , I don 't know . Depends on how you look at it . I mean , political asylum means you are escaping a place because of your political beliefs and whatnot . Religion is in there as well I think . I mean , she doesn 't want to be in her current environment . But anyway , it 's about whether or not the State is allowing it to happen , " said Mitch . " Finish the dishes like you promised , " he chuckled and grabbed a planner with numbers in the contacts list . He found the number he wanted after looking through several pages . Grabbing the cordless phone , he walked outside and dialed the number . " Mayor says this place is as good as any , but I didn 't give him specifics . His quote : ' that Charlie Gray guy is as good as anyone even if he 's not on the list . ' It 'll take me at least two days to find a decent foster home in any case , so I think you are qualified . I 'll have the county sign off on your paperwork today declaring you as a foster home and make this legal , " said Mitch . " First off , we 're working on it . Gonna take some time , but patience is a virtue . In the meantime , do you have a place to stay ? " he asked , knowing the answer in advance . " Well , that 's an option , but not one I 'm particularly comfortable with . I mean , you 're a pretty young girl and I happen to be single . Lots of rumors get started that way , " he said . " Okay , as long as you 're comfortable with it , " said Charlie . " But I have a few ground rules if you plan on staying . Sure , you 're my guest , but you have to earn your keep around here . " " You have to work hard , if you don 't know how to do it , I 'll show you . You keep up with your school lessons if and when you happen to still be around when school starts . And you mind your manners . You may think you 're sassy and stubborn , but you 'll find me the most stubborn mule this side of the Mississippi . I ain 't gonna yell at you , beat you or nothing like that , but I do expect you to mind your manners ' round me . Can you accept this ? " asked Charlie . " I 'm kind of sassy , I know . My father calls it impudent , but anyway . Can you bear it a little ? I 'll try to watch myself , but please let me know if I step out of bounds , " she asked . " Charlie , I 've been missing you lately . You haven 't come into town like you used to , " said Mary , turning back to Charlie and pretty much ignoring Cindy . It was fairly obvious who the object of Mary 's attention was by the eyes she flashed at Charlie . " Not what Barb or Julie says . They said they haven 't seen you in a month of Sundays , " said Mary . " You need to stop by a little more often . " " You know where to find me . I 'm always at the drug store , " said Mary . " Funny I ran into you here in Johnson City though . I was on a trip to Kingsport to pick up some stuff for the store and I remembered I was out of sugar . And wouldn 't you believe it , but the IGA Store was out of the ten pound bags of sugar . I never buy those five pound bags , just don 't seem to last . So I saw the Wal - Mart on my way off the highway and figured I 'd give them a try . It 's cheaper at the old Whites , but the manager said he didn 't know when they were getting more in and I don 't want to wait . I mean , it would end up being like that time we all had to wait on the big cans of JFG Coffee and they didn 't get it in for six months . But anyway , I remembered I needed more sugar and I was out this way and - " " Uncle Charlie ? We 've got that roast in the oven , " said Cindy , politely interrupting and seeing the expression on Charlie 's face . She barely knew him , but the expression of " help me " was the same the world over . " Yeah , we do . Hate to cut it short Mary , but we 've got to get running . Cindy here is cooking up a roast and we just came out for a quick trip , " he said . " Well , don 't you be a stranger . You swing on by and sit down for a glass of tea , " said Mary . " Nice to meet you . " " Okay , ham it is , " laughed Charlie . The drive back to the farm was spent talking once again and once they returned , Cindy changed clothes to do the chores he had requested she do . Had she refused , he would have ended up doing it himself , but she had " volunteered " and came into the barn in her new work clothing . " Take from the back , the part closest to the wall and move it on over to the door . The neighbors are coming by to pick them up tomorrow . You can help load then too if you want , " said Charlie . He went back to sharpening the blades taken from a riding lawnmower and watched her out of the corner of his eye . She initially tried carrying it up and down , but failed as it continued to slip out of her hands . She tried lengthwise as well and found she couldn 't grip her hands around the bale . Eventually she remembered having the gloves stuffed into the cargo pocket of the BDU pants she had on and grabbed it by the wire and managed to get it over to the doorway . Finding the best way of carrying it took several tries , but she seemed to have a good system going after the first five . But it wasn 't easy work as she grunted at attempting to lift the bales and carry them over . She noticed he was watching her carefully , although not being obvious about it . " I am unsure of that . One of our patrols asked us to run it by name and date of birth . We came back with a hit , " said Mitch . " I 'll be in touch with the New York authorities , " said Mitch as he ended the call . He felt a chill run down her spine as her father had all but verified the claims she had made . He would have to check further , but there was a good chance the claim of the arranged marriage was real . A fifteen year old could make up a lot of stories , but this was one that typically wouldn 't enter their mind unless there was some truth to the matter . Such an outlandish tale could easily be refuted until an official investigation was made . And until such time , Mitch would ensure she was protected as was his job as Sheriff . Mohammed Hassan looked at the phone and the fast dial tone it was beeping at him since he had yet to hang up . He wasn 't sure if the person who called was who they claimed to be and had been prying a little too much for his tastes . He put the phone on the receiver and thought about the conversation he had just had . Mohammed Hassan , formerly known as Stephen Grant was living in a small planned community of Muslims in upstate New York . He had practiced many forms of religion before deciding Islam was his preferred choice in his life , but had one thing in common with each of them . Each religion he practiced he took his zeal to new levels . While many were content to live their lives in full devotion to God 's work , Stephen Grant went above and beyond practicing the religion in complete control of his life , and in turn his family 's life and any other life he could preach it to . His devotion to whatever religion he happened to be practicing bordered on fanatical and relentless in his pursuit of demanding others believe what he believed . But all his life he had searched for more than just what Judaism , Christianity , Catholicism , Buddhism and others were teaching . He finally found what he was looking for three years prior in the form of Islam and immediately converted and changed his life to the calling of Allah and Mohammed his prophet . But he still wasn 't content until he fell in with the group in New York . The extreme teaching of the Imam there made him realize even the more moderate groups of Muslims in the United States had fallen away from the true faith . And so he had packed up his family and moved to the small community near Rochester . Being secluded from the main city , they had the freedom to practice the highly volatile version of Islam without interference from the outside and to train new warriors for the coming fight he predicted . His wife , two daughters and son had been given new names in accordance with his religion and he had forced the conversion of them all . And the conduct of the women would have been considered harsh even by the Taliban standards . His wife and two daughters were always fully clothed from head to toe and nobody was able to see their faces . His son was being taught the proper role of a Muslim male in the private school and he had hopes to send him off to the more advanced school in Pakistan later in his life . But the phone call had him worried . His eldest daughter had disappeared one night not to be seen again . The local law enforcement had been contacted and a report filed , but they had not seen her since she slipped away quietly one night . But for her to turn up in California was unusual . She had been resistant to the teachings of the community since their arrival and had been punished on several occasions for impudence . She was being stubborn , much like he was , but it was her role to be obedient in the community and a roll she needed to learn . His wife had admitted to missing some clothing after a savage beating by him and the members of the community , but had no other knowledge of her leaving . But then again , it wasn 't completely unexpected as she had already gone to the police attempting to stop the planned marriage to the Imam . But being good members of the faith , they had reported her behavior to him and the Imam and she had been dealt with . But one thing was for certain , his daughter needed to be brought back to the fold before she dishonored his family . He needed her pure for the Imam 's wishes and the longer she was away , there was more of a chance of her being compromised . Plus the added attention given by law enforcement peeking in on what was going on and the State social workers stood a good chance of wrecking the harmony of the community . The alarm went off at 5 : 00 AM as it always did . Charlie was the kind of person who could be up and at the world within fifteen seconds of the alarm going off . He stretched out his arms over his head and rolled over to look at the picture of Annie as he always did . And as always he wondered what his life would have been like had she still been alive . His daughter would have been in school by now had everything that transpired not happened . He rolled out of bed and grabbed at the shirt sitting on the chair next to the bed . He had no serious plans for the day as the hay bales had taken care of themselves yesterday , well , not by themselves , but he did like having the " hired hand " around to help out . Besides the neighbors coming over to grab the hay bales and the trip to the grocery store , he had no serious plans . The chickens needed to be fed , coops cleaned out and the fields checked on , but nothing more serious than that . Just a lazy Saturday for a change . But Charlie was one of those people who tended to make work for himself rather than just sit around . He walked downstairs and put on a pot of coffee and took in the morning , watching the sun come up from the east in vibrant reds , oranges and yellows . He thought to go out and wake up Cindy , but she needed her rest after her work yesterday . She wasn 't used to the hard labor farming often entailed and he needed to take it a bit easier on her since she could get hurt without conditioning into it first . Since there wasn 't anything serious on the horizon that day , she could take the day to rest up . And of course there was Sunday and church . He wasn 't sure how to approach her about it and decided to make it her choice . She had enough religion shoved on her from her family so she claimed , and he didn 't want to add to that if he could avoid it . But he had no idea what to do with her while he went to church . He would play that by ear as it came up . The coffee was sputtering into the pot and he had enough for a cup . Pouring it out , he went outside to the chicken coops and checked on his flock . He didn 't keep many chickens around , but enough to keep him in eggs , fresh meat and some extra to sell at the farmer 's market from time to time . It was still fairly early for them but once he appeared , they knew it was morning time and came out of the coop and into the pen area . He tossed out the cracked corn and they went slightly nuts as they typically did . His rooster would typically lead the charge into the feed but this morning was behind the rest of the group as he peeked out of the coops . Charlie checked the coops for fresh eggs and found several hens had laid in the past day . Not wanting the eggs to go to waste , he gathered them up and decided on eggs and bacon for breakfast this morning . The flock was still outside , making quite the racket as they typically did and scratching around in the pen at the feed . The coops could wait until the afternoon to be cleaned out and he had good plans to put the old straw and shavings into the garden plot he wasn 't using that year . By the next year , it would be fertilized very well and should produce his record crops as he always did . " No objections from me , " she said and looked at the chickens . The Rhode Island Reds continued scratching at the feed he had put out and ignored her for the most part except one . It wandered over to her and looked up with its head * * * * ed at an angle as chickens do . Eventually it went back to scratching in the dirt for the feed . " They are kind of cute . " " Well , the Reynolds ' are coming over this morning to pick up their hay and I 've got some further arranging to do in the barn . Grocery store this afternoon and hadn 't planned on supper just yet . Anything on your mind ? " he asked . " Okay , I 'll give you that , " said Charlie as he finished up in the coops and headed back to the house with Cindy in tow . The eggs were placed in the refrigerator except for five he kept out for breakfast . He grabbed the bacon from the bottom drawer and set it out on the counter along with the mixing for the biscuits . She watched him intently as she was not used to having a man around to do the kitchen work . But at the same time , she wanted to do something and asked to help . She measured out the portion for four of them and started mixing everything up while he got the stove ready for the bacon and the eggs . They sat in silence as he really had no idea what to say about then , but was curious about her to say the least . He wondered how Mark 's quest for information went yesterday and figured he would be getting paid a visit from his friend . Cindy was busy getting herself messy and making up the dough for the biscuits while he got everything else ready . She did happen to notice he had the eggs from the coops that morning . " Eggs in the supermarket come from the same place these do . These just happen to be quite a bit fresher than the ones you get from there . Trust me , don 't knock this until you try it . Best eggs you 'll ever have , " he said . " Wax paper is in the next drawer down and … hold on , " said Charlie after seeing her hands . She had been kneading the dough by hand and had the sticky mess all over herself . He grabbed the roller , wax paper and the biscuit cutter and set them on the table for her . She went back to what she was doing and started rolling out the dough , making quite the mess in the process . He remarked at the scene as well . " Suppose so , " he said as he watched her cut the four biscuits out and set them off to the side . There was only a little left over and she got ready to through it away . " Hold on , I 'll toss that in as well . " " Fried will be okay , " she said . He added in the other two in the pan , cutting at the sides to keep them where they were supposed to be . While they were cooking up , he went to the fridge and grabbed the milk , butter and jelly and set them on the table . The eggs were finally finished and he set everything out on the table while she got the items from the stove , making work for herself since she felt quite useless at that moment . He said the blessing and they began to fix everything for the meal . She tried the bacon first and found it acceptable , the biscuits she couldn 't complain about since she was the one that prepared them , but had yet to try the eggs . She finally figured out she couldn 't avoid it and wondered what the local hospital was like after she contracted salmonella . But much to her surprise , the eggs were outstanding . He stopped and set back from the table , thinking of the question . " Cindy , I 've seen a lot of crazy things in my life . Heard of things even crazier . But never in my life would I ever have imagined something like this going on in the United States , much less figure on meeting someone it happened to in upper East Tennessee . I 've got no reason to doubt you , but you have to understand , it is kind of farfetched . " " It 's an ' I 'm going to wait and see . ' I 've got no reason to doubt your story at all . I take things I hear at face value unless I know for a fact the person is lying . I think you are telling the truth . I 've got no reason not to believe you do I ? " he asked . He thought about the questions and couldn 't come up with a decent answer right then . He had no idea why he was doing it . " Dunno , just felt like the right thing to do , " he finally answered . It was a good enough answer for the moment and his feelings were something he never questioned . " No problem , " he said , still wondering what exactly made him stop that night . It was a question he hadn 't really thought about until that time and needed to think on it more later when he could be alone . The telephone ringing broke him out of his concentration and he went over to answer it .
|
Funny thing about a spark . Typically it just burns for a split second and goes away quietly . Millions , perhaps billions of sparks happen daily and nothing ever happens . They just illuminate quickly and go away , just as quickly . Nobody ever gives them a second thought . But sometimes that spark comes in contact with a volatile material and ignites it . We sometimes do our best to avoid them , like explosive workers . But sometimes that spark just happens to come in contact with said volatile material and an explosion happens . Call it destiny or happenstance ; it happens no matter what precautions we take . We can do everything on the planet to prevent that spark , but sometimes it just happens whether we want it to or not . And in other times , people feel the need to pour gasoline on the pile of sweating dynamite while lighting a cigar and talking on their cell phone … He studied her with a knowing look and peered into her eyes . The eyes were always told of how old a person was , how much they had seen and furthermore , what they happened to be thinking . " How old did you say you were ? " " Again , kind of young to be smoking , but it 's your lungs , " he said as he dug in his pocket and grabbed at the lighter he carried there . He cupped his hand and lit the cigarette as she puffed at it . He took the time to notice she didn 't inhale and rather puffed at it without drawing in the smoke . " Just letting you know , " he said and turned to walk back to his truck . He put the groceries in the lockbox in the bed and unlocked the door . After getting inside , he took a second look at the girl waiting near the doorway , continually looking around the parking lot and at the people going in and out of the store like she was waiting on something or someone . He started the vehicle and put it into gear before taking another look at her . When he looked into her eyes a few moments ago , he also noticed she had a look of fear , of anxiousness and of a need for help . She was scared , but he had no idea of who or what . He could have dialed up the Erwin Police and sent out a unit to check on her and debated that for a moment . But in the end , sighed and decided to figure out what she needed before making any judgment calls . He drove back to the entrance , her eyes following him the whole way . " You want to buckle up ? " he asked as he pulled away from the door . She grabbed at the seatbelt and pulled it over , locking it in place . " So , where you from ? " She laughed at the comment and looked out the window at the trees passing by on the two lane highway . The look of fear had disappeared from her face , but the anxiousness still was in her eyes . The remainder of the drive was spent in silence from Erwin to Unicoi Tennessee . He eventually reached his turn off spot by Jones Hardware and came to a stop . " I 'm turning towards home from here , " he said . " Well , thanks for the ride Mister , " she said . She grabbed the pack at her feet and popped open the door , walking over in the parking lot next to the roadway . When she got there , she looked north and south along the road , wondering what to do next . " Listen , it 's going to be dark in a couple of hours and there isn 't any place in town to take you in . You don 't have any place to go and the sheriff will bust you for vagrancy if he finds you sleeping out on a store front somewhere . I 've got a guesthouse at my place and I can put you up for the night if you want , " he offered . She contemplated his offer for about two seconds before deciding the chance to sleep in an actual bed and take an actual shower appealed to her more than trying to find a place to sleep out again . For all I know , he could be a serial killer , weird axe murderer or some pervert , but I just don 't get that vibe from him she thought and made her choice . She hopped back off the sidewalk and got back into the vehicle . " Just for the night . " Cindy had spent a restless night sleeping off and on , worrying about her newfound " friend " from the previous night . Not that she didn 't trust him , but she just didn 't … trust him fully . But she had a plan for that as well . She carried a claw hammer in her bag just in case and had slept with it under her pillow that night , waking up at the strangest sound and slightest creak of the cabin and grabbing it every time in case she needed to use it . But the night had passed without incident and she wondered what kind of situation she was getting into . Plus , she wondered if she should tell him what brought her to this small farm in East Tennessee . It was going to be daybreak soon and she could see the early morning gray associated with just before the sun began to rise . She rose out of the bed , feeling somewhat uncomfortable wearing the clothing of the man 's dead wife , but until she could get inside and grab her own clothing , she was kind of stuck with it . She looked in the mirror and saw the dark rings under her eyes from the restless night she spent and decided she didn 't need to worry that much about it next time . Her life was in her own hands now and she needed to start thinking on that level . She had a shudder at the thought of what she had been in before and decided it wasn 't so bad being in this strange bedroom in a strange place and with a stranger watching over her . She contemplated taking another shower and decided it would be better if she get it out of the way quickly before getting underway that day . " Absolutely , " said Mitch as they entered the kitchen . He grabbed a cup since this was not the first visit to the farm he had done before . Lifelong friends since kindergarten , the two got along great and often bounced ideas off each other . Mitch fought against the corruption so evident in a small county sheriff and had very few people in the area he could call a true friend . Charlie was one of the few that he could rely on , thick or thin . But by and large , the county appreciated what he did and had reelected him into his position again by a large majority . " One of the deputies called in sick . His wife and kid are down with a stomach bug so I 'm filling in on his shift today . Plus your call has me curious , " said Mitch as he poured a cup of coffee . " Eight O ' clock brand ? " " Yeah , decided to give it a try after I had that cup at the courthouse . Smells rich , " said Charlie . " Found something in Erwin that has me kind of curious . Young girl , runaway I think . No story to speak of and not from around here either . Says she is from Cleveland Ohio , but her accent is kind of New England . Won 't talk , but looks scared to death at what she came from , " said Charlie . " No , I don 't think she 's any of those . She doesn 't fit the profile or at least for now . Maybe down the road , but not at the moment . You know me , I like to help people , " said Charlie . " I can send out a ping with her name and address , but thousands of young girls go missing each year . Like searching for a needle in a haystack , but we could get lucky . However , without a decent address , we aren 't going to get that lucky , " said Mitch . " Name ? " Charlie turned and looked where Mitch was motioning his head and sure enough , Cindy was coming through the yard towards the back door . " Yeah , that 's her . She was probably going to sneak out quietly . " " I do and if it was anyone else , I wouldn 't believe them . But yes Charlie , you 're a good guy and wouldn 't take advantage of the situation . Annie , God rest her soul , would come back and haunt you for the rest of your life and you wouldn 't forgive yourself in the first place , " said Mitch . " I am helping you . But you won 't talk to me so I had no other choice . I think you need help , but for the life of me I don 't know what kind . He can help with whatever problems you have . Trust me , I 've known Mitch Brewer my whole life and if there is anyone who can help you , it 's him , " said Charlie patiently . " Thanks , but no thanks . I 'm leaving , " she said and went into the laundry room to grab her items . She was intercepted by Mitch . " Listen young lady . Charlie Gray is a downright great guy and I trust him without question . If he says you are in trouble and in need of help , I 'm going to give it to him . Now we can do this the easy way or the hard way , " said the Sheriff . She continued to look at them with a tear streaming down her face . She had no idea if these two could help her and she immediately distrusted any law enforcement since they had been no help before . She had no idea what to do except escape once again when the cir * * * stances would let her . She had no idea neither one of the men would let her . " Negative , I 've got Charlie with me , " said Mitch into the radio . He turned back to Cindy and softened his look . " Want to start at the top ? " Cindy sat down at the table and started talking . Who she was , where she came from , how long it took her to get here and what drove her away to start with . She was fifteen years old and from a small community near Rochester New York . And she had another name as well for him to put out on the computer systems , Haseena Hassan . Her father had converted over to Islam three years prior and drug his family along with him including his children . But that 's where the problems just started . Her father had fallen in with a radical Imam preaching in a small community in upstate New York and his leanings were now closer to being on the dangerous fringe rather than in moderation which many practiced . Upon moving his family closer to the congregation , he also forced the new name change to Hassan and gave the remainder of his children new Islamic names . She had a younger brother and sister and he started enforcing a strict Islamic dress code . The school where they lived was a private one and closed to females of all types . There weren 't that many girl children around , but all were forced to wear the traditional hijab and the full length abaya , and some were even forced to wear the niqāb if their father enforced the strict dress code . And her father was one of those strict fundamentalists who decided his daughter would be hidden from public view at all times . And he started treating his daughters and wife differently . Physical abuse was not uncommon along with punishments for minor transgressions . " But that 's not why I left . My father told me I was to be married to a man in the congregation , the Imam . He is forty - seven years old and my father told me I was to marry him and keep him happy as it was what Allah wanted , " she cried , thinking over what had happened the previous week . " I KNOW ! " she exclaimed through tears . " Why come all the way to Tennessee though ? Why not go to the police up there ? " asked Charlie . " I didn 't think of going to them . I managed to steal some money out of my father 's wallet and some old clothing from my mother and run away two nights before I was to be wed to him . I caught a ride to the nearest bus stop and headed south from there . I managed to make it to near Roanoke before the money ran out and I managed to hitch rides from there . I had made it to this town when Charlie found me , " said Cindy crying . " I 've got no reason to doubt her , " said Mitch , thinking of what had been said . " I mean , the story could be made up , but it 's not . I can 't tell you why except that little hunch I 've got . " " I don 't know . Just the funny feeling I get . I 'd rather do it from one of the State terminals at the Troopers ' office or in Johnson City myself . Preferably a place they can 't easily track , " said Mitch . " I 'm thinking I might not like what kind of answers I get if we get a hit , " said Mitch . " And let 's just play this out . Let 's say for a moment what she told us was true . Her parents are going to want to come get her or we bring her to them . Now I ain 't about to take some young girl who should be worried about a prom date back to be married to some dirty old man . I put her name out across the TBI terminal and it comes back with a hit , especially if she was reported missing . The hit is traced back to my office . It gives them a place to start looking . And I 'd rather keep her under wraps until we can figure out what she said is true . " " I 'm rarely shocked in my life . Can 't say I 've seen everything , but not too many things in this life surprise me . But I will admit this is in my top three if it pans out , " said Mitch . " No … well , I don 't know . Depends on how you look at it . I mean , political asylum means you are escaping a place because of your political beliefs and whatnot . Religion is in there as well I think . I mean , she doesn 't want to be in her current environment . But anyway , it 's about whether or not the State is allowing it to happen , " said Mitch . " Finish the dishes like you promised , " he chuckled and grabbed a planner with numbers in the contacts list . He found the number he wanted after looking through several pages . Grabbing the cordless phone , he walked outside and dialed the number . " Mayor says this place is as good as any , but I didn 't give him specifics . His quote : ' that Charlie Gray guy is as good as anyone even if he 's not on the list . ' It 'll take me at least two days to find a decent foster home in any case , so I think you are qualified . I 'll have the county sign off on your paperwork today declaring you as a foster home and make this legal , " said Mitch . " First off , we 're working on it . Gonna take some time , but patience is a virtue . In the meantime , do you have a place to stay ? " he asked , knowing the answer in advance . " Well , that 's an option , but not one I 'm particularly comfortable with . I mean , you 're a pretty young girl and I happen to be single . Lots of rumors get started that way , " he said . " Okay , as long as you 're comfortable with it , " said Charlie . " But I have a few ground rules if you plan on staying . Sure , you 're my guest , but you have to earn your keep around here . " " You have to work hard , if you don 't know how to do it , I 'll show you . You keep up with your school lessons if and when you happen to still be around when school starts . And you mind your manners . You may think you 're sassy and stubborn , but you 'll find me the most stubborn mule this side of the Mississippi . I ain 't gonna yell at you , beat you or nothing like that , but I do expect you to mind your manners ' round me . Can you accept this ? " asked Charlie . " I 'm kind of sassy , I know . My father calls it impudent , but anyway . Can you bear it a little ? I 'll try to watch myself , but please let me know if I step out of bounds , " she asked . " Charlie , I 've been missing you lately . You haven 't come into town like you used to , " said Mary , turning back to Charlie and pretty much ignoring Cindy . It was fairly obvious who the object of Mary 's attention was by the eyes she flashed at Charlie . " Not what Barb or Julie says . They said they haven 't seen you in a month of Sundays , " said Mary . " You need to stop by a little more often . " " You know where to find me . I 'm always at the drug store , " said Mary . " Funny I ran into you here in Johnson City though . I was on a trip to Kingsport to pick up some stuff for the store and I remembered I was out of sugar . And wouldn 't you believe it , but the IGA Store was out of the ten pound bags of sugar . I never buy those five pound bags , just don 't seem to last . So I saw the Wal - Mart on my way off the highway and figured I 'd give them a try . It 's cheaper at the old Whites , but the manager said he didn 't know when they were getting more in and I don 't want to wait . I mean , it would end up being like that time we all had to wait on the big cans of JFG Coffee and they didn 't get it in for six months . But anyway , I remembered I needed more sugar and I was out this way and - " " Uncle Charlie ? We 've got that roast in the oven , " said Cindy , politely interrupting and seeing the expression on Charlie 's face . She barely knew him , but the expression of " help me " was the same the world over . " Yeah , we do . Hate to cut it short Mary , but we 've got to get running . Cindy here is cooking up a roast and we just came out for a quick trip , " he said . " Well , don 't you be a stranger . You swing on by and sit down for a glass of tea , " said Mary . " Nice to meet you . " " Okay , ham it is , " laughed Charlie . The drive back to the farm was spent talking once again and once they returned , Cindy changed clothes to do the chores he had requested she do . Had she refused , he would have ended up doing it himself , but she had " volunteered " and came into the barn in her new work clothing . " Take from the back , the part closest to the wall and move it on over to the door . The neighbors are coming by to pick them up tomorrow . You can help load then too if you want , " said Charlie . He went back to sharpening the blades taken from a riding lawnmower and watched her out of the corner of his eye . She initially tried carrying it up and down , but failed as it continued to slip out of her hands . She tried lengthwise as well and found she couldn 't grip her hands around the bale . Eventually she remembered having the gloves stuffed into the cargo pocket of the BDU pants she had on and grabbed it by the wire and managed to get it over to the doorway . Finding the best way of carrying it took several tries , but she seemed to have a good system going after the first five . But it wasn 't easy work as she grunted at attempting to lift the bales and carry them over . She noticed he was watching her carefully , although not being obvious about it . " I am unsure of that . One of our patrols asked us to run it by name and date of birth . We came back with a hit , " said Mitch . " I 'll be in touch with the New York authorities , " said Mitch as he ended the call . He felt a chill run down her spine as her father had all but verified the claims she had made . He would have to check further , but there was a good chance the claim of the arranged marriage was real . A fifteen year old could make up a lot of stories , but this was one that typically wouldn 't enter their mind unless there was some truth to the matter . Such an outlandish tale could easily be refuted until an official investigation was made . And until such time , Mitch would ensure she was protected as was his job as Sheriff . Mohammed Hassan looked at the phone and the fast dial tone it was beeping at him since he had yet to hang up . He wasn 't sure if the person who called was who they claimed to be and had been prying a little too much for his tastes . He put the phone on the receiver and thought about the conversation he had just had . Mohammed Hassan , formerly known as Stephen Grant was living in a small planned community of Muslims in upstate New York . He had practiced many forms of religion before deciding Islam was his preferred choice in his life , but had one thing in common with each of them . Each religion he practiced he took his zeal to new levels . While many were content to live their lives in full devotion to God 's work , Stephen Grant went above and beyond practicing the religion in complete control of his life , and in turn his family 's life and any other life he could preach it to . His devotion to whatever religion he happened to be practicing bordered on fanatical and relentless in his pursuit of demanding others believe what he believed . But all his life he had searched for more than just what Judaism , Christianity , Catholicism , Buddhism and others were teaching . He finally found what he was looking for three years prior in the form of Islam and immediately converted and changed his life to the calling of Allah and Mohammed his prophet . But he still wasn 't content until he fell in with the group in New York . The extreme teaching of the Imam there made him realize even the more moderate groups of Muslims in the United States had fallen away from the true faith . And so he had packed up his family and moved to the small community near Rochester . Being secluded from the main city , they had the freedom to practice the highly volatile version of Islam without interference from the outside and to train new warriors for the coming fight he predicted . His wife , two daughters and son had been given new names in accordance with his religion and he had forced the conversion of them all . And the conduct of the women would have been considered harsh even by the Taliban standards . His wife and two daughters were always fully clothed from head to toe and nobody was able to see their faces . His son was being taught the proper role of a Muslim male in the private school and he had hopes to send him off to the more advanced school in Pakistan later in his life . But the phone call had him worried . His eldest daughter had disappeared one night not to be seen again . The local law enforcement had been contacted and a report filed , but they had not seen her since she slipped away quietly one night . But for her to turn up in California was unusual . She had been resistant to the teachings of the community since their arrival and had been punished on several occasions for impudence . She was being stubborn , much like he was , but it was her role to be obedient in the community and a roll she needed to learn . His wife had admitted to missing some clothing after a savage beating by him and the members of the community , but had no other knowledge of her leaving . But then again , it wasn 't completely unexpected as she had already gone to the police attempting to stop the planned marriage to the Imam . But being good members of the faith , they had reported her behavior to him and the Imam and she had been dealt with . But one thing was for certain , his daughter needed to be brought back to the fold before she dishonored his family . He needed her pure for the Imam 's wishes and the longer she was away , there was more of a chance of her being compromised . Plus the added attention given by law enforcement peeking in on what was going on and the State social workers stood a good chance of wrecking the harmony of the community . The alarm went off at 5 : 00 AM as it always did . Charlie was the kind of person who could be up and at the world within fifteen seconds of the alarm going off . He stretched out his arms over his head and rolled over to look at the picture of Annie as he always did . And as always he wondered what his life would have been like had she still been alive . His daughter would have been in school by now had everything that transpired not happened . He rolled out of bed and grabbed at the shirt sitting on the chair next to the bed . He had no serious plans for the day as the hay bales had taken care of themselves yesterday , well , not by themselves , but he did like having the " hired hand " around to help out . Besides the neighbors coming over to grab the hay bales and the trip to the grocery store , he had no serious plans . The chickens needed to be fed , coops cleaned out and the fields checked on , but nothing more serious than that . Just a lazy Saturday for a change . But Charlie was one of those people who tended to make work for himself rather than just sit around . He walked downstairs and put on a pot of coffee and took in the morning , watching the sun come up from the east in vibrant reds , oranges and yellows . He thought to go out and wake up Cindy , but she needed her rest after her work yesterday . She wasn 't used to the hard labor farming often entailed and he needed to take it a bit easier on her since she could get hurt without conditioning into it first . Since there wasn 't anything serious on the horizon that day , she could take the day to rest up . And of course there was Sunday and church . He wasn 't sure how to approach her about it and decided to make it her choice . She had enough religion shoved on her from her family so she claimed , and he didn 't want to add to that if he could avoid it . But he had no idea what to do with her while he went to church . He would play that by ear as it came up . The coffee was sputtering into the pot and he had enough for a cup . Pouring it out , he went outside to the chicken coops and checked on his flock . He didn 't keep many chickens around , but enough to keep him in eggs , fresh meat and some extra to sell at the farmer 's market from time to time . It was still fairly early for them but once he appeared , they knew it was morning time and came out of the coop and into the pen area . He tossed out the cracked corn and they went slightly nuts as they typically did . His rooster would typically lead the charge into the feed but this morning was behind the rest of the group as he peeked out of the coops . Charlie checked the coops for fresh eggs and found several hens had laid in the past day . Not wanting the eggs to go to waste , he gathered them up and decided on eggs and bacon for breakfast this morning . The flock was still outside , making quite the racket as they typically did and scratching around in the pen at the feed . The coops could wait until the afternoon to be cleaned out and he had good plans to put the old straw and shavings into the garden plot he wasn 't using that year . By the next year , it would be fertilized very well and should produce his record crops as he always did . " No objections from me , " she said and looked at the chickens . The Rhode Island Reds continued scratching at the feed he had put out and ignored her for the most part except one . It wandered over to her and looked up with its head * * * * ed at an angle as chickens do . Eventually it went back to scratching in the dirt for the feed . " They are kind of cute . " " Well , the Reynolds ' are coming over this morning to pick up their hay and I 've got some further arranging to do in the barn . Grocery store this afternoon and hadn 't planned on supper just yet . Anything on your mind ? " he asked . " Okay , I 'll give you that , " said Charlie as he finished up in the coops and headed back to the house with Cindy in tow . The eggs were placed in the refrigerator except for five he kept out for breakfast . He grabbed the bacon from the bottom drawer and set it out on the counter along with the mixing for the biscuits . She watched him intently as she was not used to having a man around to do the kitchen work . But at the same time , she wanted to do something and asked to help . She measured out the portion for four of them and started mixing everything up while he got the stove ready for the bacon and the eggs . They sat in silence as he really had no idea what to say about then , but was curious about her to say the least . He wondered how Mark 's quest for information went yesterday and figured he would be getting paid a visit from his friend . Cindy was busy getting herself messy and making up the dough for the biscuits while he got everything else ready . She did happen to notice he had the eggs from the coops that morning . " Eggs in the supermarket come from the same place these do . These just happen to be quite a bit fresher than the ones you get from there . Trust me , don 't knock this until you try it . Best eggs you 'll ever have , " he said . " Wax paper is in the next drawer down and … hold on , " said Charlie after seeing her hands . She had been kneading the dough by hand and had the sticky mess all over herself . He grabbed the roller , wax paper and the biscuit cutter and set them on the table for her . She went back to what she was doing and started rolling out the dough , making quite the mess in the process . He remarked at the scene as well . " Suppose so , " he said as he watched her cut the four biscuits out and set them off to the side . There was only a little left over and she got ready to through it away . " Hold on , I 'll toss that in as well . " " Fried will be okay , " she said . He added in the other two in the pan , cutting at the sides to keep them where they were supposed to be . While they were cooking up , he went to the fridge and grabbed the milk , butter and jelly and set them on the table . The eggs were finally finished and he set everything out on the table while she got the items from the stove , making work for herself since she felt quite useless at that moment . He said the blessing and they began to fix everything for the meal . She tried the bacon first and found it acceptable , the biscuits she couldn 't complain about since she was the one that prepared them , but had yet to try the eggs . She finally figured out she couldn 't avoid it and wondered what the local hospital was like after she contracted salmonella . But much to her surprise , the eggs were outstanding . He stopped and set back from the table , thinking of the question . " Cindy , I 've seen a lot of crazy things in my life . Heard of things even crazier . But never in my life would I ever have imagined something like this going on in the United States , much less figure on meeting someone it happened to in upper East Tennessee . I 've got no reason to doubt you , but you have to understand , it is kind of farfetched . " " It 's an ' I 'm going to wait and see . ' I 've got no reason to doubt your story at all . I take things I hear at face value unless I know for a fact the person is lying . I think you are telling the truth . I 've got no reason not to believe you do I ? " he asked . He thought about the questions and couldn 't come up with a decent answer right then . He had no idea why he was doing it . " Dunno , just felt like the right thing to do , " he finally answered . It was a good enough answer for the moment and his feelings were something he never questioned . " No problem , " he said , still wondering what exactly made him stop that night . It was a question he hadn 't really thought about until that time and needed to think on it more later when he could be alone . The telephone ringing broke him out of his concentration and he went over to answer it .
|
Funny thing about a spark . Typically it just burns for a split second and goes away quietly . Millions , perhaps billions of sparks happen daily and nothing ever happens . They just illuminate quickly and go away , just as quickly . Nobody ever gives them a second thought . But sometimes that spark comes in contact with a volatile material and ignites it . We sometimes do our best to avoid them , like explosive workers . But sometimes that spark just happens to come in contact with said volatile material and an explosion happens . Call it destiny or happenstance ; it happens no matter what precautions we take . We can do everything on the planet to prevent that spark , but sometimes it just happens whether we want it to or not . And in other times , people feel the need to pour gasoline on the pile of sweating dynamite while lighting a cigar and talking on their cell phone … He studied her with a knowing look and peered into her eyes . The eyes were always told of how old a person was , how much they had seen and furthermore , what they happened to be thinking . " How old did you say you were ? " " Again , kind of young to be smoking , but it 's your lungs , " he said as he dug in his pocket and grabbed at the lighter he carried there . He cupped his hand and lit the cigarette as she puffed at it . He took the time to notice she didn 't inhale and rather puffed at it without drawing in the smoke . " Just letting you know , " he said and turned to walk back to his truck . He put the groceries in the lockbox in the bed and unlocked the door . After getting inside , he took a second look at the girl waiting near the doorway , continually looking around the parking lot and at the people going in and out of the store like she was waiting on something or someone . He started the vehicle and put it into gear before taking another look at her . When he looked into her eyes a few moments ago , he also noticed she had a look of fear , of anxiousness and of a need for help . She was scared , but he had no idea of who or what . He could have dialed up the Erwin Police and sent out a unit to check on her and debated that for a moment . But in the end , sighed and decided to figure out what she needed before making any judgment calls . He drove back to the entrance , her eyes following him the whole way . " You want to buckle up ? " he asked as he pulled away from the door . She grabbed at the seatbelt and pulled it over , locking it in place . " So , where you from ? " She laughed at the comment and looked out the window at the trees passing by on the two lane highway . The look of fear had disappeared from her face , but the anxiousness still was in her eyes . The remainder of the drive was spent in silence from Erwin to Unicoi Tennessee . He eventually reached his turn off spot by Jones Hardware and came to a stop . " I 'm turning towards home from here , " he said . " Well , thanks for the ride Mister , " she said . She grabbed the pack at her feet and popped open the door , walking over in the parking lot next to the roadway . When she got there , she looked north and south along the road , wondering what to do next . " Listen , it 's going to be dark in a couple of hours and there isn 't any place in town to take you in . You don 't have any place to go and the sheriff will bust you for vagrancy if he finds you sleeping out on a store front somewhere . I 've got a guesthouse at my place and I can put you up for the night if you want , " he offered . She contemplated his offer for about two seconds before deciding the chance to sleep in an actual bed and take an actual shower appealed to her more than trying to find a place to sleep out again . For all I know , he could be a serial killer , weird axe murderer or some pervert , but I just don 't get that vibe from him she thought and made her choice . She hopped back off the sidewalk and got back into the vehicle . " Just for the night . " Cindy had spent a restless night sleeping off and on , worrying about her newfound " friend " from the previous night . Not that she didn 't trust him , but she just didn 't … trust him fully . But she had a plan for that as well . She carried a claw hammer in her bag just in case and had slept with it under her pillow that night , waking up at the strangest sound and slightest creak of the cabin and grabbing it every time in case she needed to use it . But the night had passed without incident and she wondered what kind of situation she was getting into . Plus , she wondered if she should tell him what brought her to this small farm in East Tennessee . It was going to be daybreak soon and she could see the early morning gray associated with just before the sun began to rise . She rose out of the bed , feeling somewhat uncomfortable wearing the clothing of the man 's dead wife , but until she could get inside and grab her own clothing , she was kind of stuck with it . She looked in the mirror and saw the dark rings under her eyes from the restless night she spent and decided she didn 't need to worry that much about it next time . Her life was in her own hands now and she needed to start thinking on that level . She had a shudder at the thought of what she had been in before and decided it wasn 't so bad being in this strange bedroom in a strange place and with a stranger watching over her . She contemplated taking another shower and decided it would be better if she get it out of the way quickly before getting underway that day . " Absolutely , " said Mitch as they entered the kitchen . He grabbed a cup since this was not the first visit to the farm he had done before . Lifelong friends since kindergarten , the two got along great and often bounced ideas off each other . Mitch fought against the corruption so evident in a small county sheriff and had very few people in the area he could call a true friend . Charlie was one of the few that he could rely on , thick or thin . But by and large , the county appreciated what he did and had reelected him into his position again by a large majority . " One of the deputies called in sick . His wife and kid are down with a stomach bug so I 'm filling in on his shift today . Plus your call has me curious , " said Mitch as he poured a cup of coffee . " Eight O ' clock brand ? " " Yeah , decided to give it a try after I had that cup at the courthouse . Smells rich , " said Charlie . " Found something in Erwin that has me kind of curious . Young girl , runaway I think . No story to speak of and not from around here either . Says she is from Cleveland Ohio , but her accent is kind of New England . Won 't talk , but looks scared to death at what she came from , " said Charlie . " No , I don 't think she 's any of those . She doesn 't fit the profile or at least for now . Maybe down the road , but not at the moment . You know me , I like to help people , " said Charlie . " I can send out a ping with her name and address , but thousands of young girls go missing each year . Like searching for a needle in a haystack , but we could get lucky . However , without a decent address , we aren 't going to get that lucky , " said Mitch . " Name ? " Charlie turned and looked where Mitch was motioning his head and sure enough , Cindy was coming through the yard towards the back door . " Yeah , that 's her . She was probably going to sneak out quietly . " " I do and if it was anyone else , I wouldn 't believe them . But yes Charlie , you 're a good guy and wouldn 't take advantage of the situation . Annie , God rest her soul , would come back and haunt you for the rest of your life and you wouldn 't forgive yourself in the first place , " said Mitch . " I am helping you . But you won 't talk to me so I had no other choice . I think you need help , but for the life of me I don 't know what kind . He can help with whatever problems you have . Trust me , I 've known Mitch Brewer my whole life and if there is anyone who can help you , it 's him , " said Charlie patiently . " Thanks , but no thanks . I 'm leaving , " she said and went into the laundry room to grab her items . She was intercepted by Mitch . " Listen young lady . Charlie Gray is a downright great guy and I trust him without question . If he says you are in trouble and in need of help , I 'm going to give it to him . Now we can do this the easy way or the hard way , " said the Sheriff . She continued to look at them with a tear streaming down her face . She had no idea if these two could help her and she immediately distrusted any law enforcement since they had been no help before . She had no idea what to do except escape once again when the cir * * * stances would let her . She had no idea neither one of the men would let her . " Negative , I 've got Charlie with me , " said Mitch into the radio . He turned back to Cindy and softened his look . " Want to start at the top ? " Cindy sat down at the table and started talking . Who she was , where she came from , how long it took her to get here and what drove her away to start with . She was fifteen years old and from a small community near Rochester New York . And she had another name as well for him to put out on the computer systems , Haseena Hassan . Her father had converted over to Islam three years prior and drug his family along with him including his children . But that 's where the problems just started . Her father had fallen in with a radical Imam preaching in a small community in upstate New York and his leanings were now closer to being on the dangerous fringe rather than in moderation which many practiced . Upon moving his family closer to the congregation , he also forced the new name change to Hassan and gave the remainder of his children new Islamic names . She had a younger brother and sister and he started enforcing a strict Islamic dress code . The school where they lived was a private one and closed to females of all types . There weren 't that many girl children around , but all were forced to wear the traditional hijab and the full length abaya , and some were even forced to wear the niqāb if their father enforced the strict dress code . And her father was one of those strict fundamentalists who decided his daughter would be hidden from public view at all times . And he started treating his daughters and wife differently . Physical abuse was not uncommon along with punishments for minor transgressions . " But that 's not why I left . My father told me I was to be married to a man in the congregation , the Imam . He is forty - seven years old and my father told me I was to marry him and keep him happy as it was what Allah wanted , " she cried , thinking over what had happened the previous week . " I KNOW ! " she exclaimed through tears . " Why come all the way to Tennessee though ? Why not go to the police up there ? " asked Charlie . " I didn 't think of going to them . I managed to steal some money out of my father 's wallet and some old clothing from my mother and run away two nights before I was to be wed to him . I caught a ride to the nearest bus stop and headed south from there . I managed to make it to near Roanoke before the money ran out and I managed to hitch rides from there . I had made it to this town when Charlie found me , " said Cindy crying . " I 've got no reason to doubt her , " said Mitch , thinking of what had been said . " I mean , the story could be made up , but it 's not . I can 't tell you why except that little hunch I 've got . " " I don 't know . Just the funny feeling I get . I 'd rather do it from one of the State terminals at the Troopers ' office or in Johnson City myself . Preferably a place they can 't easily track , " said Mitch . " I 'm thinking I might not like what kind of answers I get if we get a hit , " said Mitch . " And let 's just play this out . Let 's say for a moment what she told us was true . Her parents are going to want to come get her or we bring her to them . Now I ain 't about to take some young girl who should be worried about a prom date back to be married to some dirty old man . I put her name out across the TBI terminal and it comes back with a hit , especially if she was reported missing . The hit is traced back to my office . It gives them a place to start looking . And I 'd rather keep her under wraps until we can figure out what she said is true . " " I 'm rarely shocked in my life . Can 't say I 've seen everything , but not too many things in this life surprise me . But I will admit this is in my top three if it pans out , " said Mitch . " No … well , I don 't know . Depends on how you look at it . I mean , political asylum means you are escaping a place because of your political beliefs and whatnot . Religion is in there as well I think . I mean , she doesn 't want to be in her current environment . But anyway , it 's about whether or not the State is allowing it to happen , " said Mitch . " Finish the dishes like you promised , " he chuckled and grabbed a planner with numbers in the contacts list . He found the number he wanted after looking through several pages . Grabbing the cordless phone , he walked outside and dialed the number . " Mayor says this place is as good as any , but I didn 't give him specifics . His quote : ' that Charlie Gray guy is as good as anyone even if he 's not on the list . ' It 'll take me at least two days to find a decent foster home in any case , so I think you are qualified . I 'll have the county sign off on your paperwork today declaring you as a foster home and make this legal , " said Mitch . " First off , we 're working on it . Gonna take some time , but patience is a virtue . In the meantime , do you have a place to stay ? " he asked , knowing the answer in advance . " Well , that 's an option , but not one I 'm particularly comfortable with . I mean , you 're a pretty young girl and I happen to be single . Lots of rumors get started that way , " he said . " Okay , as long as you 're comfortable with it , " said Charlie . " But I have a few ground rules if you plan on staying . Sure , you 're my guest , but you have to earn your keep around here . " " You have to work hard , if you don 't know how to do it , I 'll show you . You keep up with your school lessons if and when you happen to still be around when school starts . And you mind your manners . You may think you 're sassy and stubborn , but you 'll find me the most stubborn mule this side of the Mississippi . I ain 't gonna yell at you , beat you or nothing like that , but I do expect you to mind your manners ' round me . Can you accept this ? " asked Charlie . " I 'm kind of sassy , I know . My father calls it impudent , but anyway . Can you bear it a little ? I 'll try to watch myself , but please let me know if I step out of bounds , " she asked . " Charlie , I 've been missing you lately . You haven 't come into town like you used to , " said Mary , turning back to Charlie and pretty much ignoring Cindy . It was fairly obvious who the object of Mary 's attention was by the eyes she flashed at Charlie . " Not what Barb or Julie says . They said they haven 't seen you in a month of Sundays , " said Mary . " You need to stop by a little more often . " " You know where to find me . I 'm always at the drug store , " said Mary . " Funny I ran into you here in Johnson City though . I was on a trip to Kingsport to pick up some stuff for the store and I remembered I was out of sugar . And wouldn 't you believe it , but the IGA Store was out of the ten pound bags of sugar . I never buy those five pound bags , just don 't seem to last . So I saw the Wal - Mart on my way off the highway and figured I 'd give them a try . It 's cheaper at the old Whites , but the manager said he didn 't know when they were getting more in and I don 't want to wait . I mean , it would end up being like that time we all had to wait on the big cans of JFG Coffee and they didn 't get it in for six months . But anyway , I remembered I needed more sugar and I was out this way and - " " Uncle Charlie ? We 've got that roast in the oven , " said Cindy , politely interrupting and seeing the expression on Charlie 's face . She barely knew him , but the expression of " help me " was the same the world over . " Yeah , we do . Hate to cut it short Mary , but we 've got to get running . Cindy here is cooking up a roast and we just came out for a quick trip , " he said . " Well , don 't you be a stranger . You swing on by and sit down for a glass of tea , " said Mary . " Nice to meet you . " " Okay , ham it is , " laughed Charlie . The drive back to the farm was spent talking once again and once they returned , Cindy changed clothes to do the chores he had requested she do . Had she refused , he would have ended up doing it himself , but she had " volunteered " and came into the barn in her new work clothing . " Take from the back , the part closest to the wall and move it on over to the door . The neighbors are coming by to pick them up tomorrow . You can help load then too if you want , " said Charlie . He went back to sharpening the blades taken from a riding lawnmower and watched her out of the corner of his eye . She initially tried carrying it up and down , but failed as it continued to slip out of her hands . She tried lengthwise as well and found she couldn 't grip her hands around the bale . Eventually she remembered having the gloves stuffed into the cargo pocket of the BDU pants she had on and grabbed it by the wire and managed to get it over to the doorway . Finding the best way of carrying it took several tries , but she seemed to have a good system going after the first five . But it wasn 't easy work as she grunted at attempting to lift the bales and carry them over . She noticed he was watching her carefully , although not being obvious about it . " I am unsure of that . One of our patrols asked us to run it by name and date of birth . We came back with a hit , " said Mitch . " I 'll be in touch with the New York authorities , " said Mitch as he ended the call . He felt a chill run down her spine as her father had all but verified the claims she had made . He would have to check further , but there was a good chance the claim of the arranged marriage was real . A fifteen year old could make up a lot of stories , but this was one that typically wouldn 't enter their mind unless there was some truth to the matter . Such an outlandish tale could easily be refuted until an official investigation was made . And until such time , Mitch would ensure she was protected as was his job as Sheriff . Mohammed Hassan looked at the phone and the fast dial tone it was beeping at him since he had yet to hang up . He wasn 't sure if the person who called was who they claimed to be and had been prying a little too much for his tastes . He put the phone on the receiver and thought about the conversation he had just had . Mohammed Hassan , formerly known as Stephen Grant was living in a small planned community of Muslims in upstate New York . He had practiced many forms of religion before deciding Islam was his preferred choice in his life , but had one thing in common with each of them . Each religion he practiced he took his zeal to new levels . While many were content to live their lives in full devotion to God 's work , Stephen Grant went above and beyond practicing the religion in complete control of his life , and in turn his family 's life and any other life he could preach it to . His devotion to whatever religion he happened to be practicing bordered on fanatical and relentless in his pursuit of demanding others believe what he believed . But all his life he had searched for more than just what Judaism , Christianity , Catholicism , Buddhism and others were teaching . He finally found what he was looking for three years prior in the form of Islam and immediately converted and changed his life to the calling of Allah and Mohammed his prophet . But he still wasn 't content until he fell in with the group in New York . The extreme teaching of the Imam there made him realize even the more moderate groups of Muslims in the United States had fallen away from the true faith . And so he had packed up his family and moved to the small community near Rochester . Being secluded from the main city , they had the freedom to practice the highly volatile version of Islam without interference from the outside and to train new warriors for the coming fight he predicted . His wife , two daughters and son had been given new names in accordance with his religion and he had forced the conversion of them all . And the conduct of the women would have been considered harsh even by the Taliban standards . His wife and two daughters were always fully clothed from head to toe and nobody was able to see their faces . His son was being taught the proper role of a Muslim male in the private school and he had hopes to send him off to the more advanced school in Pakistan later in his life . But the phone call had him worried . His eldest daughter had disappeared one night not to be seen again . The local law enforcement had been contacted and a report filed , but they had not seen her since she slipped away quietly one night . But for her to turn up in California was unusual . She had been resistant to the teachings of the community since their arrival and had been punished on several occasions for impudence . She was being stubborn , much like he was , but it was her role to be obedient in the community and a roll she needed to learn . His wife had admitted to missing some clothing after a savage beating by him and the members of the community , but had no other knowledge of her leaving . But then again , it wasn 't completely unexpected as she had already gone to the police attempting to stop the planned marriage to the Imam . But being good members of the faith , they had reported her behavior to him and the Imam and she had been dealt with . But one thing was for certain , his daughter needed to be brought back to the fold before she dishonored his family . He needed her pure for the Imam 's wishes and the longer she was away , there was more of a chance of her being compromised . Plus the added attention given by law enforcement peeking in on what was going on and the State social workers stood a good chance of wrecking the harmony of the community . The alarm went off at 5 : 00 AM as it always did . Charlie was the kind of person who could be up and at the world within fifteen seconds of the alarm going off . He stretched out his arms over his head and rolled over to look at the picture of Annie as he always did . And as always he wondered what his life would have been like had she still been alive . His daughter would have been in school by now had everything that transpired not happened . He rolled out of bed and grabbed at the shirt sitting on the chair next to the bed . He had no serious plans for the day as the hay bales had taken care of themselves yesterday , well , not by themselves , but he did like having the " hired hand " around to help out . Besides the neighbors coming over to grab the hay bales and the trip to the grocery store , he had no serious plans . The chickens needed to be fed , coops cleaned out and the fields checked on , but nothing more serious than that . Just a lazy Saturday for a change . But Charlie was one of those people who tended to make work for himself rather than just sit around . He walked downstairs and put on a pot of coffee and took in the morning , watching the sun come up from the east in vibrant reds , oranges and yellows . He thought to go out and wake up Cindy , but she needed her rest after her work yesterday . She wasn 't used to the hard labor farming often entailed and he needed to take it a bit easier on her since she could get hurt without conditioning into it first . Since there wasn 't anything serious on the horizon that day , she could take the day to rest up . And of course there was Sunday and church . He wasn 't sure how to approach her about it and decided to make it her choice . She had enough religion shoved on her from her family so she claimed , and he didn 't want to add to that if he could avoid it . But he had no idea what to do with her while he went to church . He would play that by ear as it came up . The coffee was sputtering into the pot and he had enough for a cup . Pouring it out , he went outside to the chicken coops and checked on his flock . He didn 't keep many chickens around , but enough to keep him in eggs , fresh meat and some extra to sell at the farmer 's market from time to time . It was still fairly early for them but once he appeared , they knew it was morning time and came out of the coop and into the pen area . He tossed out the cracked corn and they went slightly nuts as they typically did . His rooster would typically lead the charge into the feed but this morning was behind the rest of the group as he peeked out of the coops . Charlie checked the coops for fresh eggs and found several hens had laid in the past day . Not wanting the eggs to go to waste , he gathered them up and decided on eggs and bacon for breakfast this morning . The flock was still outside , making quite the racket as they typically did and scratching around in the pen at the feed . The coops could wait until the afternoon to be cleaned out and he had good plans to put the old straw and shavings into the garden plot he wasn 't using that year . By the next year , it would be fertilized very well and should produce his record crops as he always did . " No objections from me , " she said and looked at the chickens . The Rhode Island Reds continued scratching at the feed he had put out and ignored her for the most part except one . It wandered over to her and looked up with its head * * * * ed at an angle as chickens do . Eventually it went back to scratching in the dirt for the feed . " They are kind of cute . " " Well , the Reynolds ' are coming over this morning to pick up their hay and I 've got some further arranging to do in the barn . Grocery store this afternoon and hadn 't planned on supper just yet . Anything on your mind ? " he asked . " Okay , I 'll give you that , " said Charlie as he finished up in the coops and headed back to the house with Cindy in tow . The eggs were placed in the refrigerator except for five he kept out for breakfast . He grabbed the bacon from the bottom drawer and set it out on the counter along with the mixing for the biscuits . She watched him intently as she was not used to having a man around to do the kitchen work . But at the same time , she wanted to do something and asked to help . She measured out the portion for four of them and started mixing everything up while he got the stove ready for the bacon and the eggs . They sat in silence as he really had no idea what to say about then , but was curious about her to say the least . He wondered how Mark 's quest for information went yesterday and figured he would be getting paid a visit from his friend . Cindy was busy getting herself messy and making up the dough for the biscuits while he got everything else ready . She did happen to notice he had the eggs from the coops that morning . " Eggs in the supermarket come from the same place these do . These just happen to be quite a bit fresher than the ones you get from there . Trust me , don 't knock this until you try it . Best eggs you 'll ever have , " he said . " Wax paper is in the next drawer down and … hold on , " said Charlie after seeing her hands . She had been kneading the dough by hand and had the sticky mess all over herself . He grabbed the roller , wax paper and the biscuit cutter and set them on the table for her . She went back to what she was doing and started rolling out the dough , making quite the mess in the process . He remarked at the scene as well . " Suppose so , " he said as he watched her cut the four biscuits out and set them off to the side . There was only a little left over and she got ready to through it away . " Hold on , I 'll toss that in as well . " " Fried will be okay , " she said . He added in the other two in the pan , cutting at the sides to keep them where they were supposed to be . While they were cooking up , he went to the fridge and grabbed the milk , butter and jelly and set them on the table . The eggs were finally finished and he set everything out on the table while she got the items from the stove , making work for herself since she felt quite useless at that moment . He said the blessing and they began to fix everything for the meal . She tried the bacon first and found it acceptable , the biscuits she couldn 't complain about since she was the one that prepared them , but had yet to try the eggs . She finally figured out she couldn 't avoid it and wondered what the local hospital was like after she contracted salmonella . But much to her surprise , the eggs were outstanding . He stopped and set back from the table , thinking of the question . " Cindy , I 've seen a lot of crazy things in my life . Heard of things even crazier . But never in my life would I ever have imagined something like this going on in the United States , much less figure on meeting someone it happened to in upper East Tennessee . I 've got no reason to doubt you , but you have to understand , it is kind of farfetched . " " It 's an ' I 'm going to wait and see . ' I 've got no reason to doubt your story at all . I take things I hear at face value unless I know for a fact the person is lying . I think you are telling the truth . I 've got no reason not to believe you do I ? " he asked . He thought about the questions and couldn 't come up with a decent answer right then . He had no idea why he was doing it . " Dunno , just felt like the right thing to do , " he finally answered . It was a good enough answer for the moment and his feelings were something he never questioned . " No problem , " he said , still wondering what exactly made him stop that night . It was a question he hadn 't really thought about until that time and needed to think on it more later when he could be alone . The telephone ringing broke him out of his concentration and he went over to answer it .
|
Funny thing about a spark . Typically it just burns for a split second and goes away quietly . Millions , perhaps billions of sparks happen daily and nothing ever happens . They just illuminate quickly and go away , just as quickly . Nobody ever gives them a second thought . But sometimes that spark comes in contact with a volatile material and ignites it . We sometimes do our best to avoid them , like explosive workers . But sometimes that spark just happens to come in contact with said volatile material and an explosion happens . Call it destiny or happenstance ; it happens no matter what precautions we take . We can do everything on the planet to prevent that spark , but sometimes it just happens whether we want it to or not . And in other times , people feel the need to pour gasoline on the pile of sweating dynamite while lighting a cigar and talking on their cell phone … He studied her with a knowing look and peered into her eyes . The eyes were always told of how old a person was , how much they had seen and furthermore , what they happened to be thinking . " How old did you say you were ? " " Again , kind of young to be smoking , but it 's your lungs , " he said as he dug in his pocket and grabbed at the lighter he carried there . He cupped his hand and lit the cigarette as she puffed at it . He took the time to notice she didn 't inhale and rather puffed at it without drawing in the smoke . " Just letting you know , " he said and turned to walk back to his truck . He put the groceries in the lockbox in the bed and unlocked the door . After getting inside , he took a second look at the girl waiting near the doorway , continually looking around the parking lot and at the people going in and out of the store like she was waiting on something or someone . He started the vehicle and put it into gear before taking another look at her . When he looked into her eyes a few moments ago , he also noticed she had a look of fear , of anxiousness and of a need for help . She was scared , but he had no idea of who or what . He could have dialed up the Erwin Police and sent out a unit to check on her and debated that for a moment . But in the end , sighed and decided to figure out what she needed before making any judgment calls . He drove back to the entrance , her eyes following him the whole way . " You want to buckle up ? " he asked as he pulled away from the door . She grabbed at the seatbelt and pulled it over , locking it in place . " So , where you from ? " She laughed at the comment and looked out the window at the trees passing by on the two lane highway . The look of fear had disappeared from her face , but the anxiousness still was in her eyes . The remainder of the drive was spent in silence from Erwin to Unicoi Tennessee . He eventually reached his turn off spot by Jones Hardware and came to a stop . " I 'm turning towards home from here , " he said . " Well , thanks for the ride Mister , " she said . She grabbed the pack at her feet and popped open the door , walking over in the parking lot next to the roadway . When she got there , she looked north and south along the road , wondering what to do next . " Listen , it 's going to be dark in a couple of hours and there isn 't any place in town to take you in . You don 't have any place to go and the sheriff will bust you for vagrancy if he finds you sleeping out on a store front somewhere . I 've got a guesthouse at my place and I can put you up for the night if you want , " he offered . She contemplated his offer for about two seconds before deciding the chance to sleep in an actual bed and take an actual shower appealed to her more than trying to find a place to sleep out again . For all I know , he could be a serial killer , weird axe murderer or some pervert , but I just don 't get that vibe from him she thought and made her choice . She hopped back off the sidewalk and got back into the vehicle . " Just for the night . " Cindy had spent a restless night sleeping off and on , worrying about her newfound " friend " from the previous night . Not that she didn 't trust him , but she just didn 't … trust him fully . But she had a plan for that as well . She carried a claw hammer in her bag just in case and had slept with it under her pillow that night , waking up at the strangest sound and slightest creak of the cabin and grabbing it every time in case she needed to use it . But the night had passed without incident and she wondered what kind of situation she was getting into . Plus , she wondered if she should tell him what brought her to this small farm in East Tennessee . It was going to be daybreak soon and she could see the early morning gray associated with just before the sun began to rise . She rose out of the bed , feeling somewhat uncomfortable wearing the clothing of the man 's dead wife , but until she could get inside and grab her own clothing , she was kind of stuck with it . She looked in the mirror and saw the dark rings under her eyes from the restless night she spent and decided she didn 't need to worry that much about it next time . Her life was in her own hands now and she needed to start thinking on that level . She had a shudder at the thought of what she had been in before and decided it wasn 't so bad being in this strange bedroom in a strange place and with a stranger watching over her . She contemplated taking another shower and decided it would be better if she get it out of the way quickly before getting underway that day . " Absolutely , " said Mitch as they entered the kitchen . He grabbed a cup since this was not the first visit to the farm he had done before . Lifelong friends since kindergarten , the two got along great and often bounced ideas off each other . Mitch fought against the corruption so evident in a small county sheriff and had very few people in the area he could call a true friend . Charlie was one of the few that he could rely on , thick or thin . But by and large , the county appreciated what he did and had reelected him into his position again by a large majority . " One of the deputies called in sick . His wife and kid are down with a stomach bug so I 'm filling in on his shift today . Plus your call has me curious , " said Mitch as he poured a cup of coffee . " Eight O ' clock brand ? " " Yeah , decided to give it a try after I had that cup at the courthouse . Smells rich , " said Charlie . " Found something in Erwin that has me kind of curious . Young girl , runaway I think . No story to speak of and not from around here either . Says she is from Cleveland Ohio , but her accent is kind of New England . Won 't talk , but looks scared to death at what she came from , " said Charlie . " No , I don 't think she 's any of those . She doesn 't fit the profile or at least for now . Maybe down the road , but not at the moment . You know me , I like to help people , " said Charlie . " I can send out a ping with her name and address , but thousands of young girls go missing each year . Like searching for a needle in a haystack , but we could get lucky . However , without a decent address , we aren 't going to get that lucky , " said Mitch . " Name ? " Charlie turned and looked where Mitch was motioning his head and sure enough , Cindy was coming through the yard towards the back door . " Yeah , that 's her . She was probably going to sneak out quietly . " " I do and if it was anyone else , I wouldn 't believe them . But yes Charlie , you 're a good guy and wouldn 't take advantage of the situation . Annie , God rest her soul , would come back and haunt you for the rest of your life and you wouldn 't forgive yourself in the first place , " said Mitch . " I am helping you . But you won 't talk to me so I had no other choice . I think you need help , but for the life of me I don 't know what kind . He can help with whatever problems you have . Trust me , I 've known Mitch Brewer my whole life and if there is anyone who can help you , it 's him , " said Charlie patiently . " Thanks , but no thanks . I 'm leaving , " she said and went into the laundry room to grab her items . She was intercepted by Mitch . " Listen young lady . Charlie Gray is a downright great guy and I trust him without question . If he says you are in trouble and in need of help , I 'm going to give it to him . Now we can do this the easy way or the hard way , " said the Sheriff . She continued to look at them with a tear streaming down her face . She had no idea if these two could help her and she immediately distrusted any law enforcement since they had been no help before . She had no idea what to do except escape once again when the cir * * * stances would let her . She had no idea neither one of the men would let her . " Negative , I 've got Charlie with me , " said Mitch into the radio . He turned back to Cindy and softened his look . " Want to start at the top ? " Cindy sat down at the table and started talking . Who she was , where she came from , how long it took her to get here and what drove her away to start with . She was fifteen years old and from a small community near Rochester New York . And she had another name as well for him to put out on the computer systems , Haseena Hassan . Her father had converted over to Islam three years prior and drug his family along with him including his children . But that 's where the problems just started . Her father had fallen in with a radical Imam preaching in a small community in upstate New York and his leanings were now closer to being on the dangerous fringe rather than in moderation which many practiced . Upon moving his family closer to the congregation , he also forced the new name change to Hassan and gave the remainder of his children new Islamic names . She had a younger brother and sister and he started enforcing a strict Islamic dress code . The school where they lived was a private one and closed to females of all types . There weren 't that many girl children around , but all were forced to wear the traditional hijab and the full length abaya , and some were even forced to wear the niqāb if their father enforced the strict dress code . And her father was one of those strict fundamentalists who decided his daughter would be hidden from public view at all times . And he started treating his daughters and wife differently . Physical abuse was not uncommon along with punishments for minor transgressions . " But that 's not why I left . My father told me I was to be married to a man in the congregation , the Imam . He is forty - seven years old and my father told me I was to marry him and keep him happy as it was what Allah wanted , " she cried , thinking over what had happened the previous week . " I KNOW ! " she exclaimed through tears . " Why come all the way to Tennessee though ? Why not go to the police up there ? " asked Charlie . " I didn 't think of going to them . I managed to steal some money out of my father 's wallet and some old clothing from my mother and run away two nights before I was to be wed to him . I caught a ride to the nearest bus stop and headed south from there . I managed to make it to near Roanoke before the money ran out and I managed to hitch rides from there . I had made it to this town when Charlie found me , " said Cindy crying . " I 've got no reason to doubt her , " said Mitch , thinking of what had been said . " I mean , the story could be made up , but it 's not . I can 't tell you why except that little hunch I 've got . " " I don 't know . Just the funny feeling I get . I 'd rather do it from one of the State terminals at the Troopers ' office or in Johnson City myself . Preferably a place they can 't easily track , " said Mitch . " I 'm thinking I might not like what kind of answers I get if we get a hit , " said Mitch . " And let 's just play this out . Let 's say for a moment what she told us was true . Her parents are going to want to come get her or we bring her to them . Now I ain 't about to take some young girl who should be worried about a prom date back to be married to some dirty old man . I put her name out across the TBI terminal and it comes back with a hit , especially if she was reported missing . The hit is traced back to my office . It gives them a place to start looking . And I 'd rather keep her under wraps until we can figure out what she said is true . " " I 'm rarely shocked in my life . Can 't say I 've seen everything , but not too many things in this life surprise me . But I will admit this is in my top three if it pans out , " said Mitch . " No … well , I don 't know . Depends on how you look at it . I mean , political asylum means you are escaping a place because of your political beliefs and whatnot . Religion is in there as well I think . I mean , she doesn 't want to be in her current environment . But anyway , it 's about whether or not the State is allowing it to happen , " said Mitch . " Finish the dishes like you promised , " he chuckled and grabbed a planner with numbers in the contacts list . He found the number he wanted after looking through several pages . Grabbing the cordless phone , he walked outside and dialed the number . " Mayor says this place is as good as any , but I didn 't give him specifics . His quote : ' that Charlie Gray guy is as good as anyone even if he 's not on the list . ' It 'll take me at least two days to find a decent foster home in any case , so I think you are qualified . I 'll have the county sign off on your paperwork today declaring you as a foster home and make this legal , " said Mitch . " First off , we 're working on it . Gonna take some time , but patience is a virtue . In the meantime , do you have a place to stay ? " he asked , knowing the answer in advance . " Well , that 's an option , but not one I 'm particularly comfortable with . I mean , you 're a pretty young girl and I happen to be single . Lots of rumors get started that way , " he said . " Okay , as long as you 're comfortable with it , " said Charlie . " But I have a few ground rules if you plan on staying . Sure , you 're my guest , but you have to earn your keep around here . " " You have to work hard , if you don 't know how to do it , I 'll show you . You keep up with your school lessons if and when you happen to still be around when school starts . And you mind your manners . You may think you 're sassy and stubborn , but you 'll find me the most stubborn mule this side of the Mississippi . I ain 't gonna yell at you , beat you or nothing like that , but I do expect you to mind your manners ' round me . Can you accept this ? " asked Charlie . " I 'm kind of sassy , I know . My father calls it impudent , but anyway . Can you bear it a little ? I 'll try to watch myself , but please let me know if I step out of bounds , " she asked . " Charlie , I 've been missing you lately . You haven 't come into town like you used to , " said Mary , turning back to Charlie and pretty much ignoring Cindy . It was fairly obvious who the object of Mary 's attention was by the eyes she flashed at Charlie . " Not what Barb or Julie says . They said they haven 't seen you in a month of Sundays , " said Mary . " You need to stop by a little more often . " " You know where to find me . I 'm always at the drug store , " said Mary . " Funny I ran into you here in Johnson City though . I was on a trip to Kingsport to pick up some stuff for the store and I remembered I was out of sugar . And wouldn 't you believe it , but the IGA Store was out of the ten pound bags of sugar . I never buy those five pound bags , just don 't seem to last . So I saw the Wal - Mart on my way off the highway and figured I 'd give them a try . It 's cheaper at the old Whites , but the manager said he didn 't know when they were getting more in and I don 't want to wait . I mean , it would end up being like that time we all had to wait on the big cans of JFG Coffee and they didn 't get it in for six months . But anyway , I remembered I needed more sugar and I was out this way and - " " Uncle Charlie ? We 've got that roast in the oven , " said Cindy , politely interrupting and seeing the expression on Charlie 's face . She barely knew him , but the expression of " help me " was the same the world over . " Yeah , we do . Hate to cut it short Mary , but we 've got to get running . Cindy here is cooking up a roast and we just came out for a quick trip , " he said . " Well , don 't you be a stranger . You swing on by and sit down for a glass of tea , " said Mary . " Nice to meet you . " " Okay , ham it is , " laughed Charlie . The drive back to the farm was spent talking once again and once they returned , Cindy changed clothes to do the chores he had requested she do . Had she refused , he would have ended up doing it himself , but she had " volunteered " and came into the barn in her new work clothing . " Take from the back , the part closest to the wall and move it on over to the door . The neighbors are coming by to pick them up tomorrow . You can help load then too if you want , " said Charlie . He went back to sharpening the blades taken from a riding lawnmower and watched her out of the corner of his eye . She initially tried carrying it up and down , but failed as it continued to slip out of her hands . She tried lengthwise as well and found she couldn 't grip her hands around the bale . Eventually she remembered having the gloves stuffed into the cargo pocket of the BDU pants she had on and grabbed it by the wire and managed to get it over to the doorway . Finding the best way of carrying it took several tries , but she seemed to have a good system going after the first five . But it wasn 't easy work as she grunted at attempting to lift the bales and carry them over . She noticed he was watching her carefully , although not being obvious about it . " I am unsure of that . One of our patrols asked us to run it by name and date of birth . We came back with a hit , " said Mitch . " I 'll be in touch with the New York authorities , " said Mitch as he ended the call . He felt a chill run down her spine as her father had all but verified the claims she had made . He would have to check further , but there was a good chance the claim of the arranged marriage was real . A fifteen year old could make up a lot of stories , but this was one that typically wouldn 't enter their mind unless there was some truth to the matter . Such an outlandish tale could easily be refuted until an official investigation was made . And until such time , Mitch would ensure she was protected as was his job as Sheriff . Mohammed Hassan looked at the phone and the fast dial tone it was beeping at him since he had yet to hang up . He wasn 't sure if the person who called was who they claimed to be and had been prying a little too much for his tastes . He put the phone on the receiver and thought about the conversation he had just had . Mohammed Hassan , formerly known as Stephen Grant was living in a small planned community of Muslims in upstate New York . He had practiced many forms of religion before deciding Islam was his preferred choice in his life , but had one thing in common with each of them . Each religion he practiced he took his zeal to new levels . While many were content to live their lives in full devotion to God 's work , Stephen Grant went above and beyond practicing the religion in complete control of his life , and in turn his family 's life and any other life he could preach it to . His devotion to whatever religion he happened to be practicing bordered on fanatical and relentless in his pursuit of demanding others believe what he believed . But all his life he had searched for more than just what Judaism , Christianity , Catholicism , Buddhism and others were teaching . He finally found what he was looking for three years prior in the form of Islam and immediately converted and changed his life to the calling of Allah and Mohammed his prophet . But he still wasn 't content until he fell in with the group in New York . The extreme teaching of the Imam there made him realize even the more moderate groups of Muslims in the United States had fallen away from the true faith . And so he had packed up his family and moved to the small community near Rochester . Being secluded from the main city , they had the freedom to practice the highly volatile version of Islam without interference from the outside and to train new warriors for the coming fight he predicted . His wife , two daughters and son had been given new names in accordance with his religion and he had forced the conversion of them all . And the conduct of the women would have been considered harsh even by the Taliban standards . His wife and two daughters were always fully clothed from head to toe and nobody was able to see their faces . His son was being taught the proper role of a Muslim male in the private school and he had hopes to send him off to the more advanced school in Pakistan later in his life . But the phone call had him worried . His eldest daughter had disappeared one night not to be seen again . The local law enforcement had been contacted and a report filed , but they had not seen her since she slipped away quietly one night . But for her to turn up in California was unusual . She had been resistant to the teachings of the community since their arrival and had been punished on several occasions for impudence . She was being stubborn , much like he was , but it was her role to be obedient in the community and a roll she needed to learn . His wife had admitted to missing some clothing after a savage beating by him and the members of the community , but had no other knowledge of her leaving . But then again , it wasn 't completely unexpected as she had already gone to the police attempting to stop the planned marriage to the Imam . But being good members of the faith , they had reported her behavior to him and the Imam and she had been dealt with . But one thing was for certain , his daughter needed to be brought back to the fold before she dishonored his family . He needed her pure for the Imam 's wishes and the longer she was away , there was more of a chance of her being compromised . Plus the added attention given by law enforcement peeking in on what was going on and the State social workers stood a good chance of wrecking the harmony of the community . The alarm went off at 5 : 00 AM as it always did . Charlie was the kind of person who could be up and at the world within fifteen seconds of the alarm going off . He stretched out his arms over his head and rolled over to look at the picture of Annie as he always did . And as always he wondered what his life would have been like had she still been alive . His daughter would have been in school by now had everything that transpired not happened . He rolled out of bed and grabbed at the shirt sitting on the chair next to the bed . He had no serious plans for the day as the hay bales had taken care of themselves yesterday , well , not by themselves , but he did like having the " hired hand " around to help out . Besides the neighbors coming over to grab the hay bales and the trip to the grocery store , he had no serious plans . The chickens needed to be fed , coops cleaned out and the fields checked on , but nothing more serious than that . Just a lazy Saturday for a change . But Charlie was one of those people who tended to make work for himself rather than just sit around . He walked downstairs and put on a pot of coffee and took in the morning , watching the sun come up from the east in vibrant reds , oranges and yellows . He thought to go out and wake up Cindy , but she needed her rest after her work yesterday . She wasn 't used to the hard labor farming often entailed and he needed to take it a bit easier on her since she could get hurt without conditioning into it first . Since there wasn 't anything serious on the horizon that day , she could take the day to rest up . And of course there was Sunday and church . He wasn 't sure how to approach her about it and decided to make it her choice . She had enough religion shoved on her from her family so she claimed , and he didn 't want to add to that if he could avoid it . But he had no idea what to do with her while he went to church . He would play that by ear as it came up . The coffee was sputtering into the pot and he had enough for a cup . Pouring it out , he went outside to the chicken coops and checked on his flock . He didn 't keep many chickens around , but enough to keep him in eggs , fresh meat and some extra to sell at the farmer 's market from time to time . It was still fairly early for them but once he appeared , they knew it was morning time and came out of the coop and into the pen area . He tossed out the cracked corn and they went slightly nuts as they typically did . His rooster would typically lead the charge into the feed but this morning was behind the rest of the group as he peeked out of the coops . Charlie checked the coops for fresh eggs and found several hens had laid in the past day . Not wanting the eggs to go to waste , he gathered them up and decided on eggs and bacon for breakfast this morning . The flock was still outside , making quite the racket as they typically did and scratching around in the pen at the feed . The coops could wait until the afternoon to be cleaned out and he had good plans to put the old straw and shavings into the garden plot he wasn 't using that year . By the next year , it would be fertilized very well and should produce his record crops as he always did . " No objections from me , " she said and looked at the chickens . The Rhode Island Reds continued scratching at the feed he had put out and ignored her for the most part except one . It wandered over to her and looked up with its head * * * * ed at an angle as chickens do . Eventually it went back to scratching in the dirt for the feed . " They are kind of cute . " " Well , the Reynolds ' are coming over this morning to pick up their hay and I 've got some further arranging to do in the barn . Grocery store this afternoon and hadn 't planned on supper just yet . Anything on your mind ? " he asked . " Okay , I 'll give you that , " said Charlie as he finished up in the coops and headed back to the house with Cindy in tow . The eggs were placed in the refrigerator except for five he kept out for breakfast . He grabbed the bacon from the bottom drawer and set it out on the counter along with the mixing for the biscuits . She watched him intently as she was not used to having a man around to do the kitchen work . But at the same time , she wanted to do something and asked to help . She measured out the portion for four of them and started mixing everything up while he got the stove ready for the bacon and the eggs . They sat in silence as he really had no idea what to say about then , but was curious about her to say the least . He wondered how Mark 's quest for information went yesterday and figured he would be getting paid a visit from his friend . Cindy was busy getting herself messy and making up the dough for the biscuits while he got everything else ready . She did happen to notice he had the eggs from the coops that morning . " Eggs in the supermarket come from the same place these do . These just happen to be quite a bit fresher than the ones you get from there . Trust me , don 't knock this until you try it . Best eggs you 'll ever have , " he said . " Wax paper is in the next drawer down and … hold on , " said Charlie after seeing her hands . She had been kneading the dough by hand and had the sticky mess all over herself . He grabbed the roller , wax paper and the biscuit cutter and set them on the table for her . She went back to what she was doing and started rolling out the dough , making quite the mess in the process . He remarked at the scene as well . " Suppose so , " he said as he watched her cut the four biscuits out and set them off to the side . There was only a little left over and she got ready to through it away . " Hold on , I 'll toss that in as well . " " Fried will be okay , " she said . He added in the other two in the pan , cutting at the sides to keep them where they were supposed to be . While they were cooking up , he went to the fridge and grabbed the milk , butter and jelly and set them on the table . The eggs were finally finished and he set everything out on the table while she got the items from the stove , making work for herself since she felt quite useless at that moment . He said the blessing and they began to fix everything for the meal . She tried the bacon first and found it acceptable , the biscuits she couldn 't complain about since she was the one that prepared them , but had yet to try the eggs . She finally figured out she couldn 't avoid it and wondered what the local hospital was like after she contracted salmonella . But much to her surprise , the eggs were outstanding . He stopped and set back from the table , thinking of the question . " Cindy , I 've seen a lot of crazy things in my life . Heard of things even crazier . But never in my life would I ever have imagined something like this going on in the United States , much less figure on meeting someone it happened to in upper East Tennessee . I 've got no reason to doubt you , but you have to understand , it is kind of farfetched . " " It 's an ' I 'm going to wait and see . ' I 've got no reason to doubt your story at all . I take things I hear at face value unless I know for a fact the person is lying . I think you are telling the truth . I 've got no reason not to believe you do I ? " he asked . He thought about the questions and couldn 't come up with a decent answer right then . He had no idea why he was doing it . " Dunno , just felt like the right thing to do , " he finally answered . It was a good enough answer for the moment and his feelings were something he never questioned . " No problem , " he said , still wondering what exactly made him stop that night . It was a question he hadn 't really thought about until that time and needed to think on it more later when he could be alone . The telephone ringing broke him out of his concentration and he went over to answer it .
|
Funny thing about a spark . Typically it just burns for a split second and goes away quietly . Millions , perhaps billions of sparks happen daily and nothing ever happens . They just illuminate quickly and go away , just as quickly . Nobody ever gives them a second thought . But sometimes that spark comes in contact with a volatile material and ignites it . We sometimes do our best to avoid them , like explosive workers . But sometimes that spark just happens to come in contact with said volatile material and an explosion happens . Call it destiny or happenstance ; it happens no matter what precautions we take . We can do everything on the planet to prevent that spark , but sometimes it just happens whether we want it to or not . And in other times , people feel the need to pour gasoline on the pile of sweating dynamite while lighting a cigar and talking on their cell phone … He studied her with a knowing look and peered into her eyes . The eyes were always told of how old a person was , how much they had seen and furthermore , what they happened to be thinking . " How old did you say you were ? " " Again , kind of young to be smoking , but it 's your lungs , " he said as he dug in his pocket and grabbed at the lighter he carried there . He cupped his hand and lit the cigarette as she puffed at it . He took the time to notice she didn 't inhale and rather puffed at it without drawing in the smoke . " Just letting you know , " he said and turned to walk back to his truck . He put the groceries in the lockbox in the bed and unlocked the door . After getting inside , he took a second look at the girl waiting near the doorway , continually looking around the parking lot and at the people going in and out of the store like she was waiting on something or someone . He started the vehicle and put it into gear before taking another look at her . When he looked into her eyes a few moments ago , he also noticed she had a look of fear , of anxiousness and of a need for help . She was scared , but he had no idea of who or what . He could have dialed up the Erwin Police and sent out a unit to check on her and debated that for a moment . But in the end , sighed and decided to figure out what she needed before making any judgment calls . He drove back to the entrance , her eyes following him the whole way . " You want to buckle up ? " he asked as he pulled away from the door . She grabbed at the seatbelt and pulled it over , locking it in place . " So , where you from ? " She laughed at the comment and looked out the window at the trees passing by on the two lane highway . The look of fear had disappeared from her face , but the anxiousness still was in her eyes . The remainder of the drive was spent in silence from Erwin to Unicoi Tennessee . He eventually reached his turn off spot by Jones Hardware and came to a stop . " I 'm turning towards home from here , " he said . " Well , thanks for the ride Mister , " she said . She grabbed the pack at her feet and popped open the door , walking over in the parking lot next to the roadway . When she got there , she looked north and south along the road , wondering what to do next . " Listen , it 's going to be dark in a couple of hours and there isn 't any place in town to take you in . You don 't have any place to go and the sheriff will bust you for vagrancy if he finds you sleeping out on a store front somewhere . I 've got a guesthouse at my place and I can put you up for the night if you want , " he offered . She contemplated his offer for about two seconds before deciding the chance to sleep in an actual bed and take an actual shower appealed to her more than trying to find a place to sleep out again . For all I know , he could be a serial killer , weird axe murderer or some pervert , but I just don 't get that vibe from him she thought and made her choice . She hopped back off the sidewalk and got back into the vehicle . " Just for the night . " Cindy had spent a restless night sleeping off and on , worrying about her newfound " friend " from the previous night . Not that she didn 't trust him , but she just didn 't … trust him fully . But she had a plan for that as well . She carried a claw hammer in her bag just in case and had slept with it under her pillow that night , waking up at the strangest sound and slightest creak of the cabin and grabbing it every time in case she needed to use it . But the night had passed without incident and she wondered what kind of situation she was getting into . Plus , she wondered if she should tell him what brought her to this small farm in East Tennessee . It was going to be daybreak soon and she could see the early morning gray associated with just before the sun began to rise . She rose out of the bed , feeling somewhat uncomfortable wearing the clothing of the man 's dead wife , but until she could get inside and grab her own clothing , she was kind of stuck with it . She looked in the mirror and saw the dark rings under her eyes from the restless night she spent and decided she didn 't need to worry that much about it next time . Her life was in her own hands now and she needed to start thinking on that level . She had a shudder at the thought of what she had been in before and decided it wasn 't so bad being in this strange bedroom in a strange place and with a stranger watching over her . She contemplated taking another shower and decided it would be better if she get it out of the way quickly before getting underway that day . " Absolutely , " said Mitch as they entered the kitchen . He grabbed a cup since this was not the first visit to the farm he had done before . Lifelong friends since kindergarten , the two got along great and often bounced ideas off each other . Mitch fought against the corruption so evident in a small county sheriff and had very few people in the area he could call a true friend . Charlie was one of the few that he could rely on , thick or thin . But by and large , the county appreciated what he did and had reelected him into his position again by a large majority . " One of the deputies called in sick . His wife and kid are down with a stomach bug so I 'm filling in on his shift today . Plus your call has me curious , " said Mitch as he poured a cup of coffee . " Eight O ' clock brand ? " " Yeah , decided to give it a try after I had that cup at the courthouse . Smells rich , " said Charlie . " Found something in Erwin that has me kind of curious . Young girl , runaway I think . No story to speak of and not from around here either . Says she is from Cleveland Ohio , but her accent is kind of New England . Won 't talk , but looks scared to death at what she came from , " said Charlie . " No , I don 't think she 's any of those . She doesn 't fit the profile or at least for now . Maybe down the road , but not at the moment . You know me , I like to help people , " said Charlie . " I can send out a ping with her name and address , but thousands of young girls go missing each year . Like searching for a needle in a haystack , but we could get lucky . However , without a decent address , we aren 't going to get that lucky , " said Mitch . " Name ? " Charlie turned and looked where Mitch was motioning his head and sure enough , Cindy was coming through the yard towards the back door . " Yeah , that 's her . She was probably going to sneak out quietly . " " I do and if it was anyone else , I wouldn 't believe them . But yes Charlie , you 're a good guy and wouldn 't take advantage of the situation . Annie , God rest her soul , would come back and haunt you for the rest of your life and you wouldn 't forgive yourself in the first place , " said Mitch . " I am helping you . But you won 't talk to me so I had no other choice . I think you need help , but for the life of me I don 't know what kind . He can help with whatever problems you have . Trust me , I 've known Mitch Brewer my whole life and if there is anyone who can help you , it 's him , " said Charlie patiently . " Thanks , but no thanks . I 'm leaving , " she said and went into the laundry room to grab her items . She was intercepted by Mitch . " Listen young lady . Charlie Gray is a downright great guy and I trust him without question . If he says you are in trouble and in need of help , I 'm going to give it to him . Now we can do this the easy way or the hard way , " said the Sheriff . She continued to look at them with a tear streaming down her face . She had no idea if these two could help her and she immediately distrusted any law enforcement since they had been no help before . She had no idea what to do except escape once again when the cir * * * stances would let her . She had no idea neither one of the men would let her . " Negative , I 've got Charlie with me , " said Mitch into the radio . He turned back to Cindy and softened his look . " Want to start at the top ? " Cindy sat down at the table and started talking . Who she was , where she came from , how long it took her to get here and what drove her away to start with . She was fifteen years old and from a small community near Rochester New York . And she had another name as well for him to put out on the computer systems , Haseena Hassan . Her father had converted over to Islam three years prior and drug his family along with him including his children . But that 's where the problems just started . Her father had fallen in with a radical Imam preaching in a small community in upstate New York and his leanings were now closer to being on the dangerous fringe rather than in moderation which many practiced . Upon moving his family closer to the congregation , he also forced the new name change to Hassan and gave the remainder of his children new Islamic names . She had a younger brother and sister and he started enforcing a strict Islamic dress code . The school where they lived was a private one and closed to females of all types . There weren 't that many girl children around , but all were forced to wear the traditional hijab and the full length abaya , and some were even forced to wear the niqāb if their father enforced the strict dress code . And her father was one of those strict fundamentalists who decided his daughter would be hidden from public view at all times . And he started treating his daughters and wife differently . Physical abuse was not uncommon along with punishments for minor transgressions . " But that 's not why I left . My father told me I was to be married to a man in the congregation , the Imam . He is forty - seven years old and my father told me I was to marry him and keep him happy as it was what Allah wanted , " she cried , thinking over what had happened the previous week . " I KNOW ! " she exclaimed through tears . " Why come all the way to Tennessee though ? Why not go to the police up there ? " asked Charlie . " I didn 't think of going to them . I managed to steal some money out of my father 's wallet and some old clothing from my mother and run away two nights before I was to be wed to him . I caught a ride to the nearest bus stop and headed south from there . I managed to make it to near Roanoke before the money ran out and I managed to hitch rides from there . I had made it to this town when Charlie found me , " said Cindy crying . " I 've got no reason to doubt her , " said Mitch , thinking of what had been said . " I mean , the story could be made up , but it 's not . I can 't tell you why except that little hunch I 've got . " " I don 't know . Just the funny feeling I get . I 'd rather do it from one of the State terminals at the Troopers ' office or in Johnson City myself . Preferably a place they can 't easily track , " said Mitch . " I 'm thinking I might not like what kind of answers I get if we get a hit , " said Mitch . " And let 's just play this out . Let 's say for a moment what she told us was true . Her parents are going to want to come get her or we bring her to them . Now I ain 't about to take some young girl who should be worried about a prom date back to be married to some dirty old man . I put her name out across the TBI terminal and it comes back with a hit , especially if she was reported missing . The hit is traced back to my office . It gives them a place to start looking . And I 'd rather keep her under wraps until we can figure out what she said is true . " " I 'm rarely shocked in my life . Can 't say I 've seen everything , but not too many things in this life surprise me . But I will admit this is in my top three if it pans out , " said Mitch . " No … well , I don 't know . Depends on how you look at it . I mean , political asylum means you are escaping a place because of your political beliefs and whatnot . Religion is in there as well I think . I mean , she doesn 't want to be in her current environment . But anyway , it 's about whether or not the State is allowing it to happen , " said Mitch . " Finish the dishes like you promised , " he chuckled and grabbed a planner with numbers in the contacts list . He found the number he wanted after looking through several pages . Grabbing the cordless phone , he walked outside and dialed the number . " Mayor says this place is as good as any , but I didn 't give him specifics . His quote : ' that Charlie Gray guy is as good as anyone even if he 's not on the list . ' It 'll take me at least two days to find a decent foster home in any case , so I think you are qualified . I 'll have the county sign off on your paperwork today declaring you as a foster home and make this legal , " said Mitch . " First off , we 're working on it . Gonna take some time , but patience is a virtue . In the meantime , do you have a place to stay ? " he asked , knowing the answer in advance . " Well , that 's an option , but not one I 'm particularly comfortable with . I mean , you 're a pretty young girl and I happen to be single . Lots of rumors get started that way , " he said . " Okay , as long as you 're comfortable with it , " said Charlie . " But I have a few ground rules if you plan on staying . Sure , you 're my guest , but you have to earn your keep around here . " " You have to work hard , if you don 't know how to do it , I 'll show you . You keep up with your school lessons if and when you happen to still be around when school starts . And you mind your manners . You may think you 're sassy and stubborn , but you 'll find me the most stubborn mule this side of the Mississippi . I ain 't gonna yell at you , beat you or nothing like that , but I do expect you to mind your manners ' round me . Can you accept this ? " asked Charlie . " I 'm kind of sassy , I know . My father calls it impudent , but anyway . Can you bear it a little ? I 'll try to watch myself , but please let me know if I step out of bounds , " she asked . " Charlie , I 've been missing you lately . You haven 't come into town like you used to , " said Mary , turning back to Charlie and pretty much ignoring Cindy . It was fairly obvious who the object of Mary 's attention was by the eyes she flashed at Charlie . " Not what Barb or Julie says . They said they haven 't seen you in a month of Sundays , " said Mary . " You need to stop by a little more often . " " You know where to find me . I 'm always at the drug store , " said Mary . " Funny I ran into you here in Johnson City though . I was on a trip to Kingsport to pick up some stuff for the store and I remembered I was out of sugar . And wouldn 't you believe it , but the IGA Store was out of the ten pound bags of sugar . I never buy those five pound bags , just don 't seem to last . So I saw the Wal - Mart on my way off the highway and figured I 'd give them a try . It 's cheaper at the old Whites , but the manager said he didn 't know when they were getting more in and I don 't want to wait . I mean , it would end up being like that time we all had to wait on the big cans of JFG Coffee and they didn 't get it in for six months . But anyway , I remembered I needed more sugar and I was out this way and - " " Uncle Charlie ? We 've got that roast in the oven , " said Cindy , politely interrupting and seeing the expression on Charlie 's face . She barely knew him , but the expression of " help me " was the same the world over . " Yeah , we do . Hate to cut it short Mary , but we 've got to get running . Cindy here is cooking up a roast and we just came out for a quick trip , " he said . " Well , don 't you be a stranger . You swing on by and sit down for a glass of tea , " said Mary . " Nice to meet you . " " Okay , ham it is , " laughed Charlie . The drive back to the farm was spent talking once again and once they returned , Cindy changed clothes to do the chores he had requested she do . Had she refused , he would have ended up doing it himself , but she had " volunteered " and came into the barn in her new work clothing . " Take from the back , the part closest to the wall and move it on over to the door . The neighbors are coming by to pick them up tomorrow . You can help load then too if you want , " said Charlie . He went back to sharpening the blades taken from a riding lawnmower and watched her out of the corner of his eye . She initially tried carrying it up and down , but failed as it continued to slip out of her hands . She tried lengthwise as well and found she couldn 't grip her hands around the bale . Eventually she remembered having the gloves stuffed into the cargo pocket of the BDU pants she had on and grabbed it by the wire and managed to get it over to the doorway . Finding the best way of carrying it took several tries , but she seemed to have a good system going after the first five . But it wasn 't easy work as she grunted at attempting to lift the bales and carry them over . She noticed he was watching her carefully , although not being obvious about it . " I am unsure of that . One of our patrols asked us to run it by name and date of birth . We came back with a hit , " said Mitch . " I 'll be in touch with the New York authorities , " said Mitch as he ended the call . He felt a chill run down her spine as her father had all but verified the claims she had made . He would have to check further , but there was a good chance the claim of the arranged marriage was real . A fifteen year old could make up a lot of stories , but this was one that typically wouldn 't enter their mind unless there was some truth to the matter . Such an outlandish tale could easily be refuted until an official investigation was made . And until such time , Mitch would ensure she was protected as was his job as Sheriff . Mohammed Hassan looked at the phone and the fast dial tone it was beeping at him since he had yet to hang up . He wasn 't sure if the person who called was who they claimed to be and had been prying a little too much for his tastes . He put the phone on the receiver and thought about the conversation he had just had . Mohammed Hassan , formerly known as Stephen Grant was living in a small planned community of Muslims in upstate New York . He had practiced many forms of religion before deciding Islam was his preferred choice in his life , but had one thing in common with each of them . Each religion he practiced he took his zeal to new levels . While many were content to live their lives in full devotion to God 's work , Stephen Grant went above and beyond practicing the religion in complete control of his life , and in turn his family 's life and any other life he could preach it to . His devotion to whatever religion he happened to be practicing bordered on fanatical and relentless in his pursuit of demanding others believe what he believed . But all his life he had searched for more than just what Judaism , Christianity , Catholicism , Buddhism and others were teaching . He finally found what he was looking for three years prior in the form of Islam and immediately converted and changed his life to the calling of Allah and Mohammed his prophet . But he still wasn 't content until he fell in with the group in New York . The extreme teaching of the Imam there made him realize even the more moderate groups of Muslims in the United States had fallen away from the true faith . And so he had packed up his family and moved to the small community near Rochester . Being secluded from the main city , they had the freedom to practice the highly volatile version of Islam without interference from the outside and to train new warriors for the coming fight he predicted . His wife , two daughters and son had been given new names in accordance with his religion and he had forced the conversion of them all . And the conduct of the women would have been considered harsh even by the Taliban standards . His wife and two daughters were always fully clothed from head to toe and nobody was able to see their faces . His son was being taught the proper role of a Muslim male in the private school and he had hopes to send him off to the more advanced school in Pakistan later in his life . But the phone call had him worried . His eldest daughter had disappeared one night not to be seen again . The local law enforcement had been contacted and a report filed , but they had not seen her since she slipped away quietly one night . But for her to turn up in California was unusual . She had been resistant to the teachings of the community since their arrival and had been punished on several occasions for impudence . She was being stubborn , much like he was , but it was her role to be obedient in the community and a roll she needed to learn . His wife had admitted to missing some clothing after a savage beating by him and the members of the community , but had no other knowledge of her leaving . But then again , it wasn 't completely unexpected as she had already gone to the police attempting to stop the planned marriage to the Imam . But being good members of the faith , they had reported her behavior to him and the Imam and she had been dealt with . But one thing was for certain , his daughter needed to be brought back to the fold before she dishonored his family . He needed her pure for the Imam 's wishes and the longer she was away , there was more of a chance of her being compromised . Plus the added attention given by law enforcement peeking in on what was going on and the State social workers stood a good chance of wrecking the harmony of the community . The alarm went off at 5 : 00 AM as it always did . Charlie was the kind of person who could be up and at the world within fifteen seconds of the alarm going off . He stretched out his arms over his head and rolled over to look at the picture of Annie as he always did . And as always he wondered what his life would have been like had she still been alive . His daughter would have been in school by now had everything that transpired not happened . He rolled out of bed and grabbed at the shirt sitting on the chair next to the bed . He had no serious plans for the day as the hay bales had taken care of themselves yesterday , well , not by themselves , but he did like having the " hired hand " around to help out . Besides the neighbors coming over to grab the hay bales and the trip to the grocery store , he had no serious plans . The chickens needed to be fed , coops cleaned out and the fields checked on , but nothing more serious than that . Just a lazy Saturday for a change . But Charlie was one of those people who tended to make work for himself rather than just sit around . He walked downstairs and put on a pot of coffee and took in the morning , watching the sun come up from the east in vibrant reds , oranges and yellows . He thought to go out and wake up Cindy , but she needed her rest after her work yesterday . She wasn 't used to the hard labor farming often entailed and he needed to take it a bit easier on her since she could get hurt without conditioning into it first . Since there wasn 't anything serious on the horizon that day , she could take the day to rest up . And of course there was Sunday and church . He wasn 't sure how to approach her about it and decided to make it her choice . She had enough religion shoved on her from her family so she claimed , and he didn 't want to add to that if he could avoid it . But he had no idea what to do with her while he went to church . He would play that by ear as it came up . The coffee was sputtering into the pot and he had enough for a cup . Pouring it out , he went outside to the chicken coops and checked on his flock . He didn 't keep many chickens around , but enough to keep him in eggs , fresh meat and some extra to sell at the farmer 's market from time to time . It was still fairly early for them but once he appeared , they knew it was morning time and came out of the coop and into the pen area . He tossed out the cracked corn and they went slightly nuts as they typically did . His rooster would typically lead the charge into the feed but this morning was behind the rest of the group as he peeked out of the coops . Charlie checked the coops for fresh eggs and found several hens had laid in the past day . Not wanting the eggs to go to waste , he gathered them up and decided on eggs and bacon for breakfast this morning . The flock was still outside , making quite the racket as they typically did and scratching around in the pen at the feed . The coops could wait until the afternoon to be cleaned out and he had good plans to put the old straw and shavings into the garden plot he wasn 't using that year . By the next year , it would be fertilized very well and should produce his record crops as he always did . " No objections from me , " she said and looked at the chickens . The Rhode Island Reds continued scratching at the feed he had put out and ignored her for the most part except one . It wandered over to her and looked up with its head * * * * ed at an angle as chickens do . Eventually it went back to scratching in the dirt for the feed . " They are kind of cute . " " Well , the Reynolds ' are coming over this morning to pick up their hay and I 've got some further arranging to do in the barn . Grocery store this afternoon and hadn 't planned on supper just yet . Anything on your mind ? " he asked . " Okay , I 'll give you that , " said Charlie as he finished up in the coops and headed back to the house with Cindy in tow . The eggs were placed in the refrigerator except for five he kept out for breakfast . He grabbed the bacon from the bottom drawer and set it out on the counter along with the mixing for the biscuits . She watched him intently as she was not used to having a man around to do the kitchen work . But at the same time , she wanted to do something and asked to help . She measured out the portion for four of them and started mixing everything up while he got the stove ready for the bacon and the eggs . They sat in silence as he really had no idea what to say about then , but was curious about her to say the least . He wondered how Mark 's quest for information went yesterday and figured he would be getting paid a visit from his friend . Cindy was busy getting herself messy and making up the dough for the biscuits while he got everything else ready . She did happen to notice he had the eggs from the coops that morning . " Eggs in the supermarket come from the same place these do . These just happen to be quite a bit fresher than the ones you get from there . Trust me , don 't knock this until you try it . Best eggs you 'll ever have , " he said . " Wax paper is in the next drawer down and … hold on , " said Charlie after seeing her hands . She had been kneading the dough by hand and had the sticky mess all over herself . He grabbed the roller , wax paper and the biscuit cutter and set them on the table for her . She went back to what she was doing and started rolling out the dough , making quite the mess in the process . He remarked at the scene as well . " Suppose so , " he said as he watched her cut the four biscuits out and set them off to the side . There was only a little left over and she got ready to through it away . " Hold on , I 'll toss that in as well . " " Fried will be okay , " she said . He added in the other two in the pan , cutting at the sides to keep them where they were supposed to be . While they were cooking up , he went to the fridge and grabbed the milk , butter and jelly and set them on the table . The eggs were finally finished and he set everything out on the table while she got the items from the stove , making work for herself since she felt quite useless at that moment . He said the blessing and they began to fix everything for the meal . She tried the bacon first and found it acceptable , the biscuits she couldn 't complain about since she was the one that prepared them , but had yet to try the eggs . She finally figured out she couldn 't avoid it and wondered what the local hospital was like after she contracted salmonella . But much to her surprise , the eggs were outstanding . He stopped and set back from the table , thinking of the question . " Cindy , I 've seen a lot of crazy things in my life . Heard of things even crazier . But never in my life would I ever have imagined something like this going on in the United States , much less figure on meeting someone it happened to in upper East Tennessee . I 've got no reason to doubt you , but you have to understand , it is kind of farfetched . " " It 's an ' I 'm going to wait and see . ' I 've got no reason to doubt your story at all . I take things I hear at face value unless I know for a fact the person is lying . I think you are telling the truth . I 've got no reason not to believe you do I ? " he asked . He thought about the questions and couldn 't come up with a decent answer right then . He had no idea why he was doing it . " Dunno , just felt like the right thing to do , " he finally answered . It was a good enough answer for the moment and his feelings were something he never questioned . " No problem , " he said , still wondering what exactly made him stop that night . It was a question he hadn 't really thought about until that time and needed to think on it more later when he could be alone . The telephone ringing broke him out of his concentration and he went over to answer it .
|
Funny thing about a spark . Typically it just burns for a split second and goes away quietly . Millions , perhaps billions of sparks happen daily and nothing ever happens . They just illuminate quickly and go away , just as quickly . Nobody ever gives them a second thought . But sometimes that spark comes in contact with a volatile material and ignites it . We sometimes do our best to avoid them , like explosive workers . But sometimes that spark just happens to come in contact with said volatile material and an explosion happens . Call it destiny or happenstance ; it happens no matter what precautions we take . We can do everything on the planet to prevent that spark , but sometimes it just happens whether we want it to or not . And in other times , people feel the need to pour gasoline on the pile of sweating dynamite while lighting a cigar and talking on their cell phone … He studied her with a knowing look and peered into her eyes . The eyes were always told of how old a person was , how much they had seen and furthermore , what they happened to be thinking . " How old did you say you were ? " " Again , kind of young to be smoking , but it 's your lungs , " he said as he dug in his pocket and grabbed at the lighter he carried there . He cupped his hand and lit the cigarette as she puffed at it . He took the time to notice she didn 't inhale and rather puffed at it without drawing in the smoke . " Just letting you know , " he said and turned to walk back to his truck . He put the groceries in the lockbox in the bed and unlocked the door . After getting inside , he took a second look at the girl waiting near the doorway , continually looking around the parking lot and at the people going in and out of the store like she was waiting on something or someone . He started the vehicle and put it into gear before taking another look at her . When he looked into her eyes a few moments ago , he also noticed she had a look of fear , of anxiousness and of a need for help . She was scared , but he had no idea of who or what . He could have dialed up the Erwin Police and sent out a unit to check on her and debated that for a moment . But in the end , sighed and decided to figure out what she needed before making any judgment calls . He drove back to the entrance , her eyes following him the whole way . " You want to buckle up ? " he asked as he pulled away from the door . She grabbed at the seatbelt and pulled it over , locking it in place . " So , where you from ? " She laughed at the comment and looked out the window at the trees passing by on the two lane highway . The look of fear had disappeared from her face , but the anxiousness still was in her eyes . The remainder of the drive was spent in silence from Erwin to Unicoi Tennessee . He eventually reached his turn off spot by Jones Hardware and came to a stop . " I 'm turning towards home from here , " he said . " Well , thanks for the ride Mister , " she said . She grabbed the pack at her feet and popped open the door , walking over in the parking lot next to the roadway . When she got there , she looked north and south along the road , wondering what to do next . " Listen , it 's going to be dark in a couple of hours and there isn 't any place in town to take you in . You don 't have any place to go and the sheriff will bust you for vagrancy if he finds you sleeping out on a store front somewhere . I 've got a guesthouse at my place and I can put you up for the night if you want , " he offered . She contemplated his offer for about two seconds before deciding the chance to sleep in an actual bed and take an actual shower appealed to her more than trying to find a place to sleep out again . For all I know , he could be a serial killer , weird axe murderer or some pervert , but I just don 't get that vibe from him she thought and made her choice . She hopped back off the sidewalk and got back into the vehicle . " Just for the night . " Cindy had spent a restless night sleeping off and on , worrying about her newfound " friend " from the previous night . Not that she didn 't trust him , but she just didn 't … trust him fully . But she had a plan for that as well . She carried a claw hammer in her bag just in case and had slept with it under her pillow that night , waking up at the strangest sound and slightest creak of the cabin and grabbing it every time in case she needed to use it . But the night had passed without incident and she wondered what kind of situation she was getting into . Plus , she wondered if she should tell him what brought her to this small farm in East Tennessee . It was going to be daybreak soon and she could see the early morning gray associated with just before the sun began to rise . She rose out of the bed , feeling somewhat uncomfortable wearing the clothing of the man 's dead wife , but until she could get inside and grab her own clothing , she was kind of stuck with it . She looked in the mirror and saw the dark rings under her eyes from the restless night she spent and decided she didn 't need to worry that much about it next time . Her life was in her own hands now and she needed to start thinking on that level . She had a shudder at the thought of what she had been in before and decided it wasn 't so bad being in this strange bedroom in a strange place and with a stranger watching over her . She contemplated taking another shower and decided it would be better if she get it out of the way quickly before getting underway that day . " Absolutely , " said Mitch as they entered the kitchen . He grabbed a cup since this was not the first visit to the farm he had done before . Lifelong friends since kindergarten , the two got along great and often bounced ideas off each other . Mitch fought against the corruption so evident in a small county sheriff and had very few people in the area he could call a true friend . Charlie was one of the few that he could rely on , thick or thin . But by and large , the county appreciated what he did and had reelected him into his position again by a large majority . " One of the deputies called in sick . His wife and kid are down with a stomach bug so I 'm filling in on his shift today . Plus your call has me curious , " said Mitch as he poured a cup of coffee . " Eight O ' clock brand ? " " Yeah , decided to give it a try after I had that cup at the courthouse . Smells rich , " said Charlie . " Found something in Erwin that has me kind of curious . Young girl , runaway I think . No story to speak of and not from around here either . Says she is from Cleveland Ohio , but her accent is kind of New England . Won 't talk , but looks scared to death at what she came from , " said Charlie . " No , I don 't think she 's any of those . She doesn 't fit the profile or at least for now . Maybe down the road , but not at the moment . You know me , I like to help people , " said Charlie . " I can send out a ping with her name and address , but thousands of young girls go missing each year . Like searching for a needle in a haystack , but we could get lucky . However , without a decent address , we aren 't going to get that lucky , " said Mitch . " Name ? " Charlie turned and looked where Mitch was motioning his head and sure enough , Cindy was coming through the yard towards the back door . " Yeah , that 's her . She was probably going to sneak out quietly . " " I do and if it was anyone else , I wouldn 't believe them . But yes Charlie , you 're a good guy and wouldn 't take advantage of the situation . Annie , God rest her soul , would come back and haunt you for the rest of your life and you wouldn 't forgive yourself in the first place , " said Mitch . " I am helping you . But you won 't talk to me so I had no other choice . I think you need help , but for the life of me I don 't know what kind . He can help with whatever problems you have . Trust me , I 've known Mitch Brewer my whole life and if there is anyone who can help you , it 's him , " said Charlie patiently . " Thanks , but no thanks . I 'm leaving , " she said and went into the laundry room to grab her items . She was intercepted by Mitch . " Listen young lady . Charlie Gray is a downright great guy and I trust him without question . If he says you are in trouble and in need of help , I 'm going to give it to him . Now we can do this the easy way or the hard way , " said the Sheriff . She continued to look at them with a tear streaming down her face . She had no idea if these two could help her and she immediately distrusted any law enforcement since they had been no help before . She had no idea what to do except escape once again when the cir * * * stances would let her . She had no idea neither one of the men would let her . " Negative , I 've got Charlie with me , " said Mitch into the radio . He turned back to Cindy and softened his look . " Want to start at the top ? " Cindy sat down at the table and started talking . Who she was , where she came from , how long it took her to get here and what drove her away to start with . She was fifteen years old and from a small community near Rochester New York . And she had another name as well for him to put out on the computer systems , Haseena Hassan . Her father had converted over to Islam three years prior and drug his family along with him including his children . But that 's where the problems just started . Her father had fallen in with a radical Imam preaching in a small community in upstate New York and his leanings were now closer to being on the dangerous fringe rather than in moderation which many practiced . Upon moving his family closer to the congregation , he also forced the new name change to Hassan and gave the remainder of his children new Islamic names . She had a younger brother and sister and he started enforcing a strict Islamic dress code . The school where they lived was a private one and closed to females of all types . There weren 't that many girl children around , but all were forced to wear the traditional hijab and the full length abaya , and some were even forced to wear the niqāb if their father enforced the strict dress code . And her father was one of those strict fundamentalists who decided his daughter would be hidden from public view at all times . And he started treating his daughters and wife differently . Physical abuse was not uncommon along with punishments for minor transgressions . " But that 's not why I left . My father told me I was to be married to a man in the congregation , the Imam . He is forty - seven years old and my father told me I was to marry him and keep him happy as it was what Allah wanted , " she cried , thinking over what had happened the previous week . " I KNOW ! " she exclaimed through tears . " Why come all the way to Tennessee though ? Why not go to the police up there ? " asked Charlie . " I didn 't think of going to them . I managed to steal some money out of my father 's wallet and some old clothing from my mother and run away two nights before I was to be wed to him . I caught a ride to the nearest bus stop and headed south from there . I managed to make it to near Roanoke before the money ran out and I managed to hitch rides from there . I had made it to this town when Charlie found me , " said Cindy crying . " I 've got no reason to doubt her , " said Mitch , thinking of what had been said . " I mean , the story could be made up , but it 's not . I can 't tell you why except that little hunch I 've got . " " I don 't know . Just the funny feeling I get . I 'd rather do it from one of the State terminals at the Troopers ' office or in Johnson City myself . Preferably a place they can 't easily track , " said Mitch . " I 'm thinking I might not like what kind of answers I get if we get a hit , " said Mitch . " And let 's just play this out . Let 's say for a moment what she told us was true . Her parents are going to want to come get her or we bring her to them . Now I ain 't about to take some young girl who should be worried about a prom date back to be married to some dirty old man . I put her name out across the TBI terminal and it comes back with a hit , especially if she was reported missing . The hit is traced back to my office . It gives them a place to start looking . And I 'd rather keep her under wraps until we can figure out what she said is true . " " I 'm rarely shocked in my life . Can 't say I 've seen everything , but not too many things in this life surprise me . But I will admit this is in my top three if it pans out , " said Mitch . " No … well , I don 't know . Depends on how you look at it . I mean , political asylum means you are escaping a place because of your political beliefs and whatnot . Religion is in there as well I think . I mean , she doesn 't want to be in her current environment . But anyway , it 's about whether or not the State is allowing it to happen , " said Mitch . " Finish the dishes like you promised , " he chuckled and grabbed a planner with numbers in the contacts list . He found the number he wanted after looking through several pages . Grabbing the cordless phone , he walked outside and dialed the number . " Mayor says this place is as good as any , but I didn 't give him specifics . His quote : ' that Charlie Gray guy is as good as anyone even if he 's not on the list . ' It 'll take me at least two days to find a decent foster home in any case , so I think you are qualified . I 'll have the county sign off on your paperwork today declaring you as a foster home and make this legal , " said Mitch . " First off , we 're working on it . Gonna take some time , but patience is a virtue . In the meantime , do you have a place to stay ? " he asked , knowing the answer in advance . " Well , that 's an option , but not one I 'm particularly comfortable with . I mean , you 're a pretty young girl and I happen to be single . Lots of rumors get started that way , " he said . " Okay , as long as you 're comfortable with it , " said Charlie . " But I have a few ground rules if you plan on staying . Sure , you 're my guest , but you have to earn your keep around here . " " You have to work hard , if you don 't know how to do it , I 'll show you . You keep up with your school lessons if and when you happen to still be around when school starts . And you mind your manners . You may think you 're sassy and stubborn , but you 'll find me the most stubborn mule this side of the Mississippi . I ain 't gonna yell at you , beat you or nothing like that , but I do expect you to mind your manners ' round me . Can you accept this ? " asked Charlie . " I 'm kind of sassy , I know . My father calls it impudent , but anyway . Can you bear it a little ? I 'll try to watch myself , but please let me know if I step out of bounds , " she asked . " Charlie , I 've been missing you lately . You haven 't come into town like you used to , " said Mary , turning back to Charlie and pretty much ignoring Cindy . It was fairly obvious who the object of Mary 's attention was by the eyes she flashed at Charlie . " Not what Barb or Julie says . They said they haven 't seen you in a month of Sundays , " said Mary . " You need to stop by a little more often . " " You know where to find me . I 'm always at the drug store , " said Mary . " Funny I ran into you here in Johnson City though . I was on a trip to Kingsport to pick up some stuff for the store and I remembered I was out of sugar . And wouldn 't you believe it , but the IGA Store was out of the ten pound bags of sugar . I never buy those five pound bags , just don 't seem to last . So I saw the Wal - Mart on my way off the highway and figured I 'd give them a try . It 's cheaper at the old Whites , but the manager said he didn 't know when they were getting more in and I don 't want to wait . I mean , it would end up being like that time we all had to wait on the big cans of JFG Coffee and they didn 't get it in for six months . But anyway , I remembered I needed more sugar and I was out this way and - " " Uncle Charlie ? We 've got that roast in the oven , " said Cindy , politely interrupting and seeing the expression on Charlie 's face . She barely knew him , but the expression of " help me " was the same the world over . " Yeah , we do . Hate to cut it short Mary , but we 've got to get running . Cindy here is cooking up a roast and we just came out for a quick trip , " he said . " Well , don 't you be a stranger . You swing on by and sit down for a glass of tea , " said Mary . " Nice to meet you . " " Okay , ham it is , " laughed Charlie . The drive back to the farm was spent talking once again and once they returned , Cindy changed clothes to do the chores he had requested she do . Had she refused , he would have ended up doing it himself , but she had " volunteered " and came into the barn in her new work clothing . " Take from the back , the part closest to the wall and move it on over to the door . The neighbors are coming by to pick them up tomorrow . You can help load then too if you want , " said Charlie . He went back to sharpening the blades taken from a riding lawnmower and watched her out of the corner of his eye . She initially tried carrying it up and down , but failed as it continued to slip out of her hands . She tried lengthwise as well and found she couldn 't grip her hands around the bale . Eventually she remembered having the gloves stuffed into the cargo pocket of the BDU pants she had on and grabbed it by the wire and managed to get it over to the doorway . Finding the best way of carrying it took several tries , but she seemed to have a good system going after the first five . But it wasn 't easy work as she grunted at attempting to lift the bales and carry them over . She noticed he was watching her carefully , although not being obvious about it . " I am unsure of that . One of our patrols asked us to run it by name and date of birth . We came back with a hit , " said Mitch . " I 'll be in touch with the New York authorities , " said Mitch as he ended the call . He felt a chill run down her spine as her father had all but verified the claims she had made . He would have to check further , but there was a good chance the claim of the arranged marriage was real . A fifteen year old could make up a lot of stories , but this was one that typically wouldn 't enter their mind unless there was some truth to the matter . Such an outlandish tale could easily be refuted until an official investigation was made . And until such time , Mitch would ensure she was protected as was his job as Sheriff . Mohammed Hassan looked at the phone and the fast dial tone it was beeping at him since he had yet to hang up . He wasn 't sure if the person who called was who they claimed to be and had been prying a little too much for his tastes . He put the phone on the receiver and thought about the conversation he had just had . Mohammed Hassan , formerly known as Stephen Grant was living in a small planned community of Muslims in upstate New York . He had practiced many forms of religion before deciding Islam was his preferred choice in his life , but had one thing in common with each of them . Each religion he practiced he took his zeal to new levels . While many were content to live their lives in full devotion to God 's work , Stephen Grant went above and beyond practicing the religion in complete control of his life , and in turn his family 's life and any other life he could preach it to . His devotion to whatever religion he happened to be practicing bordered on fanatical and relentless in his pursuit of demanding others believe what he believed . But all his life he had searched for more than just what Judaism , Christianity , Catholicism , Buddhism and others were teaching . He finally found what he was looking for three years prior in the form of Islam and immediately converted and changed his life to the calling of Allah and Mohammed his prophet . But he still wasn 't content until he fell in with the group in New York . The extreme teaching of the Imam there made him realize even the more moderate groups of Muslims in the United States had fallen away from the true faith . And so he had packed up his family and moved to the small community near Rochester . Being secluded from the main city , they had the freedom to practice the highly volatile version of Islam without interference from the outside and to train new warriors for the coming fight he predicted . His wife , two daughters and son had been given new names in accordance with his religion and he had forced the conversion of them all . And the conduct of the women would have been considered harsh even by the Taliban standards . His wife and two daughters were always fully clothed from head to toe and nobody was able to see their faces . His son was being taught the proper role of a Muslim male in the private school and he had hopes to send him off to the more advanced school in Pakistan later in his life . But the phone call had him worried . His eldest daughter had disappeared one night not to be seen again . The local law enforcement had been contacted and a report filed , but they had not seen her since she slipped away quietly one night . But for her to turn up in California was unusual . She had been resistant to the teachings of the community since their arrival and had been punished on several occasions for impudence . She was being stubborn , much like he was , but it was her role to be obedient in the community and a roll she needed to learn . His wife had admitted to missing some clothing after a savage beating by him and the members of the community , but had no other knowledge of her leaving . But then again , it wasn 't completely unexpected as she had already gone to the police attempting to stop the planned marriage to the Imam . But being good members of the faith , they had reported her behavior to him and the Imam and she had been dealt with . But one thing was for certain , his daughter needed to be brought back to the fold before she dishonored his family . He needed her pure for the Imam 's wishes and the longer she was away , there was more of a chance of her being compromised . Plus the added attention given by law enforcement peeking in on what was going on and the State social workers stood a good chance of wrecking the harmony of the community . The alarm went off at 5 : 00 AM as it always did . Charlie was the kind of person who could be up and at the world within fifteen seconds of the alarm going off . He stretched out his arms over his head and rolled over to look at the picture of Annie as he always did . And as always he wondered what his life would have been like had she still been alive . His daughter would have been in school by now had everything that transpired not happened . He rolled out of bed and grabbed at the shirt sitting on the chair next to the bed . He had no serious plans for the day as the hay bales had taken care of themselves yesterday , well , not by themselves , but he did like having the " hired hand " around to help out . Besides the neighbors coming over to grab the hay bales and the trip to the grocery store , he had no serious plans . The chickens needed to be fed , coops cleaned out and the fields checked on , but nothing more serious than that . Just a lazy Saturday for a change . But Charlie was one of those people who tended to make work for himself rather than just sit around . He walked downstairs and put on a pot of coffee and took in the morning , watching the sun come up from the east in vibrant reds , oranges and yellows . He thought to go out and wake up Cindy , but she needed her rest after her work yesterday . She wasn 't used to the hard labor farming often entailed and he needed to take it a bit easier on her since she could get hurt without conditioning into it first . Since there wasn 't anything serious on the horizon that day , she could take the day to rest up . And of course there was Sunday and church . He wasn 't sure how to approach her about it and decided to make it her choice . She had enough religion shoved on her from her family so she claimed , and he didn 't want to add to that if he could avoid it . But he had no idea what to do with her while he went to church . He would play that by ear as it came up . The coffee was sputtering into the pot and he had enough for a cup . Pouring it out , he went outside to the chicken coops and checked on his flock . He didn 't keep many chickens around , but enough to keep him in eggs , fresh meat and some extra to sell at the farmer 's market from time to time . It was still fairly early for them but once he appeared , they knew it was morning time and came out of the coop and into the pen area . He tossed out the cracked corn and they went slightly nuts as they typically did . His rooster would typically lead the charge into the feed but this morning was behind the rest of the group as he peeked out of the coops . Charlie checked the coops for fresh eggs and found several hens had laid in the past day . Not wanting the eggs to go to waste , he gathered them up and decided on eggs and bacon for breakfast this morning . The flock was still outside , making quite the racket as they typically did and scratching around in the pen at the feed . The coops could wait until the afternoon to be cleaned out and he had good plans to put the old straw and shavings into the garden plot he wasn 't using that year . By the next year , it would be fertilized very well and should produce his record crops as he always did . " No objections from me , " she said and looked at the chickens . The Rhode Island Reds continued scratching at the feed he had put out and ignored her for the most part except one . It wandered over to her and looked up with its head * * * * ed at an angle as chickens do . Eventually it went back to scratching in the dirt for the feed . " They are kind of cute . " " Well , the Reynolds ' are coming over this morning to pick up their hay and I 've got some further arranging to do in the barn . Grocery store this afternoon and hadn 't planned on supper just yet . Anything on your mind ? " he asked . " Okay , I 'll give you that , " said Charlie as he finished up in the coops and headed back to the house with Cindy in tow . The eggs were placed in the refrigerator except for five he kept out for breakfast . He grabbed the bacon from the bottom drawer and set it out on the counter along with the mixing for the biscuits . She watched him intently as she was not used to having a man around to do the kitchen work . But at the same time , she wanted to do something and asked to help . She measured out the portion for four of them and started mixing everything up while he got the stove ready for the bacon and the eggs . They sat in silence as he really had no idea what to say about then , but was curious about her to say the least . He wondered how Mark 's quest for information went yesterday and figured he would be getting paid a visit from his friend . Cindy was busy getting herself messy and making up the dough for the biscuits while he got everything else ready . She did happen to notice he had the eggs from the coops that morning . " Eggs in the supermarket come from the same place these do . These just happen to be quite a bit fresher than the ones you get from there . Trust me , don 't knock this until you try it . Best eggs you 'll ever have , " he said . " Wax paper is in the next drawer down and … hold on , " said Charlie after seeing her hands . She had been kneading the dough by hand and had the sticky mess all over herself . He grabbed the roller , wax paper and the biscuit cutter and set them on the table for her . She went back to what she was doing and started rolling out the dough , making quite the mess in the process . He remarked at the scene as well . " Suppose so , " he said as he watched her cut the four biscuits out and set them off to the side . There was only a little left over and she got ready to through it away . " Hold on , I 'll toss that in as well . " " Fried will be okay , " she said . He added in the other two in the pan , cutting at the sides to keep them where they were supposed to be . While they were cooking up , he went to the fridge and grabbed the milk , butter and jelly and set them on the table . The eggs were finally finished and he set everything out on the table while she got the items from the stove , making work for herself since she felt quite useless at that moment . He said the blessing and they began to fix everything for the meal . She tried the bacon first and found it acceptable , the biscuits she couldn 't complain about since she was the one that prepared them , but had yet to try the eggs . She finally figured out she couldn 't avoid it and wondered what the local hospital was like after she contracted salmonella . But much to her surprise , the eggs were outstanding . He stopped and set back from the table , thinking of the question . " Cindy , I 've seen a lot of crazy things in my life . Heard of things even crazier . But never in my life would I ever have imagined something like this going on in the United States , much less figure on meeting someone it happened to in upper East Tennessee . I 've got no reason to doubt you , but you have to understand , it is kind of farfetched . " " It 's an ' I 'm going to wait and see . ' I 've got no reason to doubt your story at all . I take things I hear at face value unless I know for a fact the person is lying . I think you are telling the truth . I 've got no reason not to believe you do I ? " he asked . He thought about the questions and couldn 't come up with a decent answer right then . He had no idea why he was doing it . " Dunno , just felt like the right thing to do , " he finally answered . It was a good enough answer for the moment and his feelings were something he never questioned . " No problem , " he said , still wondering what exactly made him stop that night . It was a question he hadn 't really thought about until that time and needed to think on it more later when he could be alone . The telephone ringing broke him out of his concentration and he went over to answer it .
|
Funny thing about a spark . Typically it just burns for a split second and goes away quietly . Millions , perhaps billions of sparks happen daily and nothing ever happens . They just illuminate quickly and go away , just as quickly . Nobody ever gives them a second thought . But sometimes that spark comes in contact with a volatile material and ignites it . We sometimes do our best to avoid them , like explosive workers . But sometimes that spark just happens to come in contact with said volatile material and an explosion happens . Call it destiny or happenstance ; it happens no matter what precautions we take . We can do everything on the planet to prevent that spark , but sometimes it just happens whether we want it to or not . And in other times , people feel the need to pour gasoline on the pile of sweating dynamite while lighting a cigar and talking on their cell phone … He studied her with a knowing look and peered into her eyes . The eyes were always told of how old a person was , how much they had seen and furthermore , what they happened to be thinking . " How old did you say you were ? " " Again , kind of young to be smoking , but it 's your lungs , " he said as he dug in his pocket and grabbed at the lighter he carried there . He cupped his hand and lit the cigarette as she puffed at it . He took the time to notice she didn 't inhale and rather puffed at it without drawing in the smoke . " Just letting you know , " he said and turned to walk back to his truck . He put the groceries in the lockbox in the bed and unlocked the door . After getting inside , he took a second look at the girl waiting near the doorway , continually looking around the parking lot and at the people going in and out of the store like she was waiting on something or someone . He started the vehicle and put it into gear before taking another look at her . When he looked into her eyes a few moments ago , he also noticed she had a look of fear , of anxiousness and of a need for help . She was scared , but he had no idea of who or what . He could have dialed up the Erwin Police and sent out a unit to check on her and debated that for a moment . But in the end , sighed and decided to figure out what she needed before making any judgment calls . He drove back to the entrance , her eyes following him the whole way . " You want to buckle up ? " he asked as he pulled away from the door . She grabbed at the seatbelt and pulled it over , locking it in place . " So , where you from ? " She laughed at the comment and looked out the window at the trees passing by on the two lane highway . The look of fear had disappeared from her face , but the anxiousness still was in her eyes . The remainder of the drive was spent in silence from Erwin to Unicoi Tennessee . He eventually reached his turn off spot by Jones Hardware and came to a stop . " I 'm turning towards home from here , " he said . " Well , thanks for the ride Mister , " she said . She grabbed the pack at her feet and popped open the door , walking over in the parking lot next to the roadway . When she got there , she looked north and south along the road , wondering what to do next . " Listen , it 's going to be dark in a couple of hours and there isn 't any place in town to take you in . You don 't have any place to go and the sheriff will bust you for vagrancy if he finds you sleeping out on a store front somewhere . I 've got a guesthouse at my place and I can put you up for the night if you want , " he offered . She contemplated his offer for about two seconds before deciding the chance to sleep in an actual bed and take an actual shower appealed to her more than trying to find a place to sleep out again . For all I know , he could be a serial killer , weird axe murderer or some pervert , but I just don 't get that vibe from him she thought and made her choice . She hopped back off the sidewalk and got back into the vehicle . " Just for the night . " Cindy had spent a restless night sleeping off and on , worrying about her newfound " friend " from the previous night . Not that she didn 't trust him , but she just didn 't … trust him fully . But she had a plan for that as well . She carried a claw hammer in her bag just in case and had slept with it under her pillow that night , waking up at the strangest sound and slightest creak of the cabin and grabbing it every time in case she needed to use it . But the night had passed without incident and she wondered what kind of situation she was getting into . Plus , she wondered if she should tell him what brought her to this small farm in East Tennessee . It was going to be daybreak soon and she could see the early morning gray associated with just before the sun began to rise . She rose out of the bed , feeling somewhat uncomfortable wearing the clothing of the man 's dead wife , but until she could get inside and grab her own clothing , she was kind of stuck with it . She looked in the mirror and saw the dark rings under her eyes from the restless night she spent and decided she didn 't need to worry that much about it next time . Her life was in her own hands now and she needed to start thinking on that level . She had a shudder at the thought of what she had been in before and decided it wasn 't so bad being in this strange bedroom in a strange place and with a stranger watching over her . She contemplated taking another shower and decided it would be better if she get it out of the way quickly before getting underway that day . " Absolutely , " said Mitch as they entered the kitchen . He grabbed a cup since this was not the first visit to the farm he had done before . Lifelong friends since kindergarten , the two got along great and often bounced ideas off each other . Mitch fought against the corruption so evident in a small county sheriff and had very few people in the area he could call a true friend . Charlie was one of the few that he could rely on , thick or thin . But by and large , the county appreciated what he did and had reelected him into his position again by a large majority . " One of the deputies called in sick . His wife and kid are down with a stomach bug so I 'm filling in on his shift today . Plus your call has me curious , " said Mitch as he poured a cup of coffee . " Eight O ' clock brand ? " " Yeah , decided to give it a try after I had that cup at the courthouse . Smells rich , " said Charlie . " Found something in Erwin that has me kind of curious . Young girl , runaway I think . No story to speak of and not from around here either . Says she is from Cleveland Ohio , but her accent is kind of New England . Won 't talk , but looks scared to death at what she came from , " said Charlie . " No , I don 't think she 's any of those . She doesn 't fit the profile or at least for now . Maybe down the road , but not at the moment . You know me , I like to help people , " said Charlie . " I can send out a ping with her name and address , but thousands of young girls go missing each year . Like searching for a needle in a haystack , but we could get lucky . However , without a decent address , we aren 't going to get that lucky , " said Mitch . " Name ? " Charlie turned and looked where Mitch was motioning his head and sure enough , Cindy was coming through the yard towards the back door . " Yeah , that 's her . She was probably going to sneak out quietly . " " I do and if it was anyone else , I wouldn 't believe them . But yes Charlie , you 're a good guy and wouldn 't take advantage of the situation . Annie , God rest her soul , would come back and haunt you for the rest of your life and you wouldn 't forgive yourself in the first place , " said Mitch . " I am helping you . But you won 't talk to me so I had no other choice . I think you need help , but for the life of me I don 't know what kind . He can help with whatever problems you have . Trust me , I 've known Mitch Brewer my whole life and if there is anyone who can help you , it 's him , " said Charlie patiently . " Thanks , but no thanks . I 'm leaving , " she said and went into the laundry room to grab her items . She was intercepted by Mitch . " Listen young lady . Charlie Gray is a downright great guy and I trust him without question . If he says you are in trouble and in need of help , I 'm going to give it to him . Now we can do this the easy way or the hard way , " said the Sheriff . She continued to look at them with a tear streaming down her face . She had no idea if these two could help her and she immediately distrusted any law enforcement since they had been no help before . She had no idea what to do except escape once again when the cir * * * stances would let her . She had no idea neither one of the men would let her . " Negative , I 've got Charlie with me , " said Mitch into the radio . He turned back to Cindy and softened his look . " Want to start at the top ? " Cindy sat down at the table and started talking . Who she was , where she came from , how long it took her to get here and what drove her away to start with . She was fifteen years old and from a small community near Rochester New York . And she had another name as well for him to put out on the computer systems , Haseena Hassan . Her father had converted over to Islam three years prior and drug his family along with him including his children . But that 's where the problems just started . Her father had fallen in with a radical Imam preaching in a small community in upstate New York and his leanings were now closer to being on the dangerous fringe rather than in moderation which many practiced . Upon moving his family closer to the congregation , he also forced the new name change to Hassan and gave the remainder of his children new Islamic names . She had a younger brother and sister and he started enforcing a strict Islamic dress code . The school where they lived was a private one and closed to females of all types . There weren 't that many girl children around , but all were forced to wear the traditional hijab and the full length abaya , and some were even forced to wear the niqāb if their father enforced the strict dress code . And her father was one of those strict fundamentalists who decided his daughter would be hidden from public view at all times . And he started treating his daughters and wife differently . Physical abuse was not uncommon along with punishments for minor transgressions . " But that 's not why I left . My father told me I was to be married to a man in the congregation , the Imam . He is forty - seven years old and my father told me I was to marry him and keep him happy as it was what Allah wanted , " she cried , thinking over what had happened the previous week . " I KNOW ! " she exclaimed through tears . " Why come all the way to Tennessee though ? Why not go to the police up there ? " asked Charlie . " I didn 't think of going to them . I managed to steal some money out of my father 's wallet and some old clothing from my mother and run away two nights before I was to be wed to him . I caught a ride to the nearest bus stop and headed south from there . I managed to make it to near Roanoke before the money ran out and I managed to hitch rides from there . I had made it to this town when Charlie found me , " said Cindy crying . " I 've got no reason to doubt her , " said Mitch , thinking of what had been said . " I mean , the story could be made up , but it 's not . I can 't tell you why except that little hunch I 've got . " " I don 't know . Just the funny feeling I get . I 'd rather do it from one of the State terminals at the Troopers ' office or in Johnson City myself . Preferably a place they can 't easily track , " said Mitch . " I 'm thinking I might not like what kind of answers I get if we get a hit , " said Mitch . " And let 's just play this out . Let 's say for a moment what she told us was true . Her parents are going to want to come get her or we bring her to them . Now I ain 't about to take some young girl who should be worried about a prom date back to be married to some dirty old man . I put her name out across the TBI terminal and it comes back with a hit , especially if she was reported missing . The hit is traced back to my office . It gives them a place to start looking . And I 'd rather keep her under wraps until we can figure out what she said is true . " " I 'm rarely shocked in my life . Can 't say I 've seen everything , but not too many things in this life surprise me . But I will admit this is in my top three if it pans out , " said Mitch . " No … well , I don 't know . Depends on how you look at it . I mean , political asylum means you are escaping a place because of your political beliefs and whatnot . Religion is in there as well I think . I mean , she doesn 't want to be in her current environment . But anyway , it 's about whether or not the State is allowing it to happen , " said Mitch . " Finish the dishes like you promised , " he chuckled and grabbed a planner with numbers in the contacts list . He found the number he wanted after looking through several pages . Grabbing the cordless phone , he walked outside and dialed the number . " Mayor says this place is as good as any , but I didn 't give him specifics . His quote : ' that Charlie Gray guy is as good as anyone even if he 's not on the list . ' It 'll take me at least two days to find a decent foster home in any case , so I think you are qualified . I 'll have the county sign off on your paperwork today declaring you as a foster home and make this legal , " said Mitch . " First off , we 're working on it . Gonna take some time , but patience is a virtue . In the meantime , do you have a place to stay ? " he asked , knowing the answer in advance . " Well , that 's an option , but not one I 'm particularly comfortable with . I mean , you 're a pretty young girl and I happen to be single . Lots of rumors get started that way , " he said . " Okay , as long as you 're comfortable with it , " said Charlie . " But I have a few ground rules if you plan on staying . Sure , you 're my guest , but you have to earn your keep around here . " " You have to work hard , if you don 't know how to do it , I 'll show you . You keep up with your school lessons if and when you happen to still be around when school starts . And you mind your manners . You may think you 're sassy and stubborn , but you 'll find me the most stubborn mule this side of the Mississippi . I ain 't gonna yell at you , beat you or nothing like that , but I do expect you to mind your manners ' round me . Can you accept this ? " asked Charlie . " I 'm kind of sassy , I know . My father calls it impudent , but anyway . Can you bear it a little ? I 'll try to watch myself , but please let me know if I step out of bounds , " she asked . " Charlie , I 've been missing you lately . You haven 't come into town like you used to , " said Mary , turning back to Charlie and pretty much ignoring Cindy . It was fairly obvious who the object of Mary 's attention was by the eyes she flashed at Charlie . " Not what Barb or Julie says . They said they haven 't seen you in a month of Sundays , " said Mary . " You need to stop by a little more often . " " You know where to find me . I 'm always at the drug store , " said Mary . " Funny I ran into you here in Johnson City though . I was on a trip to Kingsport to pick up some stuff for the store and I remembered I was out of sugar . And wouldn 't you believe it , but the IGA Store was out of the ten pound bags of sugar . I never buy those five pound bags , just don 't seem to last . So I saw the Wal - Mart on my way off the highway and figured I 'd give them a try . It 's cheaper at the old Whites , but the manager said he didn 't know when they were getting more in and I don 't want to wait . I mean , it would end up being like that time we all had to wait on the big cans of JFG Coffee and they didn 't get it in for six months . But anyway , I remembered I needed more sugar and I was out this way and - " " Uncle Charlie ? We 've got that roast in the oven , " said Cindy , politely interrupting and seeing the expression on Charlie 's face . She barely knew him , but the expression of " help me " was the same the world over . " Yeah , we do . Hate to cut it short Mary , but we 've got to get running . Cindy here is cooking up a roast and we just came out for a quick trip , " he said . " Well , don 't you be a stranger . You swing on by and sit down for a glass of tea , " said Mary . " Nice to meet you . " " Okay , ham it is , " laughed Charlie . The drive back to the farm was spent talking once again and once they returned , Cindy changed clothes to do the chores he had requested she do . Had she refused , he would have ended up doing it himself , but she had " volunteered " and came into the barn in her new work clothing . " Take from the back , the part closest to the wall and move it on over to the door . The neighbors are coming by to pick them up tomorrow . You can help load then too if you want , " said Charlie . He went back to sharpening the blades taken from a riding lawnmower and watched her out of the corner of his eye . She initially tried carrying it up and down , but failed as it continued to slip out of her hands . She tried lengthwise as well and found she couldn 't grip her hands around the bale . Eventually she remembered having the gloves stuffed into the cargo pocket of the BDU pants she had on and grabbed it by the wire and managed to get it over to the doorway . Finding the best way of carrying it took several tries , but she seemed to have a good system going after the first five . But it wasn 't easy work as she grunted at attempting to lift the bales and carry them over . She noticed he was watching her carefully , although not being obvious about it . " I am unsure of that . One of our patrols asked us to run it by name and date of birth . We came back with a hit , " said Mitch . " I 'll be in touch with the New York authorities , " said Mitch as he ended the call . He felt a chill run down her spine as her father had all but verified the claims she had made . He would have to check further , but there was a good chance the claim of the arranged marriage was real . A fifteen year old could make up a lot of stories , but this was one that typically wouldn 't enter their mind unless there was some truth to the matter . Such an outlandish tale could easily be refuted until an official investigation was made . And until such time , Mitch would ensure she was protected as was his job as Sheriff . Mohammed Hassan looked at the phone and the fast dial tone it was beeping at him since he had yet to hang up . He wasn 't sure if the person who called was who they claimed to be and had been prying a little too much for his tastes . He put the phone on the receiver and thought about the conversation he had just had . Mohammed Hassan , formerly known as Stephen Grant was living in a small planned community of Muslims in upstate New York . He had practiced many forms of religion before deciding Islam was his preferred choice in his life , but had one thing in common with each of them . Each religion he practiced he took his zeal to new levels . While many were content to live their lives in full devotion to God 's work , Stephen Grant went above and beyond practicing the religion in complete control of his life , and in turn his family 's life and any other life he could preach it to . His devotion to whatever religion he happened to be practicing bordered on fanatical and relentless in his pursuit of demanding others believe what he believed . But all his life he had searched for more than just what Judaism , Christianity , Catholicism , Buddhism and others were teaching . He finally found what he was looking for three years prior in the form of Islam and immediately converted and changed his life to the calling of Allah and Mohammed his prophet . But he still wasn 't content until he fell in with the group in New York . The extreme teaching of the Imam there made him realize even the more moderate groups of Muslims in the United States had fallen away from the true faith . And so he had packed up his family and moved to the small community near Rochester . Being secluded from the main city , they had the freedom to practice the highly volatile version of Islam without interference from the outside and to train new warriors for the coming fight he predicted . His wife , two daughters and son had been given new names in accordance with his religion and he had forced the conversion of them all . And the conduct of the women would have been considered harsh even by the Taliban standards . His wife and two daughters were always fully clothed from head to toe and nobody was able to see their faces . His son was being taught the proper role of a Muslim male in the private school and he had hopes to send him off to the more advanced school in Pakistan later in his life . But the phone call had him worried . His eldest daughter had disappeared one night not to be seen again . The local law enforcement had been contacted and a report filed , but they had not seen her since she slipped away quietly one night . But for her to turn up in California was unusual . She had been resistant to the teachings of the community since their arrival and had been punished on several occasions for impudence . She was being stubborn , much like he was , but it was her role to be obedient in the community and a roll she needed to learn . His wife had admitted to missing some clothing after a savage beating by him and the members of the community , but had no other knowledge of her leaving . But then again , it wasn 't completely unexpected as she had already gone to the police attempting to stop the planned marriage to the Imam . But being good members of the faith , they had reported her behavior to him and the Imam and she had been dealt with . But one thing was for certain , his daughter needed to be brought back to the fold before she dishonored his family . He needed her pure for the Imam 's wishes and the longer she was away , there was more of a chance of her being compromised . Plus the added attention given by law enforcement peeking in on what was going on and the State social workers stood a good chance of wrecking the harmony of the community . The alarm went off at 5 : 00 AM as it always did . Charlie was the kind of person who could be up and at the world within fifteen seconds of the alarm going off . He stretched out his arms over his head and rolled over to look at the picture of Annie as he always did . And as always he wondered what his life would have been like had she still been alive . His daughter would have been in school by now had everything that transpired not happened . He rolled out of bed and grabbed at the shirt sitting on the chair next to the bed . He had no serious plans for the day as the hay bales had taken care of themselves yesterday , well , not by themselves , but he did like having the " hired hand " around to help out . Besides the neighbors coming over to grab the hay bales and the trip to the grocery store , he had no serious plans . The chickens needed to be fed , coops cleaned out and the fields checked on , but nothing more serious than that . Just a lazy Saturday for a change . But Charlie was one of those people who tended to make work for himself rather than just sit around . He walked downstairs and put on a pot of coffee and took in the morning , watching the sun come up from the east in vibrant reds , oranges and yellows . He thought to go out and wake up Cindy , but she needed her rest after her work yesterday . She wasn 't used to the hard labor farming often entailed and he needed to take it a bit easier on her since she could get hurt without conditioning into it first . Since there wasn 't anything serious on the horizon that day , she could take the day to rest up . And of course there was Sunday and church . He wasn 't sure how to approach her about it and decided to make it her choice . She had enough religion shoved on her from her family so she claimed , and he didn 't want to add to that if he could avoid it . But he had no idea what to do with her while he went to church . He would play that by ear as it came up . The coffee was sputtering into the pot and he had enough for a cup . Pouring it out , he went outside to the chicken coops and checked on his flock . He didn 't keep many chickens around , but enough to keep him in eggs , fresh meat and some extra to sell at the farmer 's market from time to time . It was still fairly early for them but once he appeared , they knew it was morning time and came out of the coop and into the pen area . He tossed out the cracked corn and they went slightly nuts as they typically did . His rooster would typically lead the charge into the feed but this morning was behind the rest of the group as he peeked out of the coops . Charlie checked the coops for fresh eggs and found several hens had laid in the past day . Not wanting the eggs to go to waste , he gathered them up and decided on eggs and bacon for breakfast this morning . The flock was still outside , making quite the racket as they typically did and scratching around in the pen at the feed . The coops could wait until the afternoon to be cleaned out and he had good plans to put the old straw and shavings into the garden plot he wasn 't using that year . By the next year , it would be fertilized very well and should produce his record crops as he always did . " No objections from me , " she said and looked at the chickens . The Rhode Island Reds continued scratching at the feed he had put out and ignored her for the most part except one . It wandered over to her and looked up with its head * * * * ed at an angle as chickens do . Eventually it went back to scratching in the dirt for the feed . " They are kind of cute . " " Well , the Reynolds ' are coming over this morning to pick up their hay and I 've got some further arranging to do in the barn . Grocery store this afternoon and hadn 't planned on supper just yet . Anything on your mind ? " he asked . " Okay , I 'll give you that , " said Charlie as he finished up in the coops and headed back to the house with Cindy in tow . The eggs were placed in the refrigerator except for five he kept out for breakfast . He grabbed the bacon from the bottom drawer and set it out on the counter along with the mixing for the biscuits . She watched him intently as she was not used to having a man around to do the kitchen work . But at the same time , she wanted to do something and asked to help . She measured out the portion for four of them and started mixing everything up while he got the stove ready for the bacon and the eggs . They sat in silence as he really had no idea what to say about then , but was curious about her to say the least . He wondered how Mark 's quest for information went yesterday and figured he would be getting paid a visit from his friend . Cindy was busy getting herself messy and making up the dough for the biscuits while he got everything else ready . She did happen to notice he had the eggs from the coops that morning . " Eggs in the supermarket come from the same place these do . These just happen to be quite a bit fresher than the ones you get from there . Trust me , don 't knock this until you try it . Best eggs you 'll ever have , " he said . " Wax paper is in the next drawer down and … hold on , " said Charlie after seeing her hands . She had been kneading the dough by hand and had the sticky mess all over herself . He grabbed the roller , wax paper and the biscuit cutter and set them on the table for her . She went back to what she was doing and started rolling out the dough , making quite the mess in the process . He remarked at the scene as well . " Suppose so , " he said as he watched her cut the four biscuits out and set them off to the side . There was only a little left over and she got ready to through it away . " Hold on , I 'll toss that in as well . " " Fried will be okay , " she said . He added in the other two in the pan , cutting at the sides to keep them where they were supposed to be . While they were cooking up , he went to the fridge and grabbed the milk , butter and jelly and set them on the table . The eggs were finally finished and he set everything out on the table while she got the items from the stove , making work for herself since she felt quite useless at that moment . He said the blessing and they began to fix everything for the meal . She tried the bacon first and found it acceptable , the biscuits she couldn 't complain about since she was the one that prepared them , but had yet to try the eggs . She finally figured out she couldn 't avoid it and wondered what the local hospital was like after she contracted salmonella . But much to her surprise , the eggs were outstanding . He stopped and set back from the table , thinking of the question . " Cindy , I 've seen a lot of crazy things in my life . Heard of things even crazier . But never in my life would I ever have imagined something like this going on in the United States , much less figure on meeting someone it happened to in upper East Tennessee . I 've got no reason to doubt you , but you have to understand , it is kind of farfetched . " " It 's an ' I 'm going to wait and see . ' I 've got no reason to doubt your story at all . I take things I hear at face value unless I know for a fact the person is lying . I think you are telling the truth . I 've got no reason not to believe you do I ? " he asked . He thought about the questions and couldn 't come up with a decent answer right then . He had no idea why he was doing it . " Dunno , just felt like the right thing to do , " he finally answered . It was a good enough answer for the moment and his feelings were something he never questioned . " No problem , " he said , still wondering what exactly made him stop that night . It was a question he hadn 't really thought about until that time and needed to think on it more later when he could be alone . The telephone ringing broke him out of his concentration and he went over to answer it .
|
Funny thing about a spark . Typically it just burns for a split second and goes away quietly . Millions , perhaps billions of sparks happen daily and nothing ever happens . They just illuminate quickly and go away , just as quickly . Nobody ever gives them a second thought . But sometimes that spark comes in contact with a volatile material and ignites it . We sometimes do our best to avoid them , like explosive workers . But sometimes that spark just happens to come in contact with said volatile material and an explosion happens . Call it destiny or happenstance ; it happens no matter what precautions we take . We can do everything on the planet to prevent that spark , but sometimes it just happens whether we want it to or not . And in other times , people feel the need to pour gasoline on the pile of sweating dynamite while lighting a cigar and talking on their cell phone … He studied her with a knowing look and peered into her eyes . The eyes were always told of how old a person was , how much they had seen and furthermore , what they happened to be thinking . " How old did you say you were ? " " Again , kind of young to be smoking , but it 's your lungs , " he said as he dug in his pocket and grabbed at the lighter he carried there . He cupped his hand and lit the cigarette as she puffed at it . He took the time to notice she didn 't inhale and rather puffed at it without drawing in the smoke . " Just letting you know , " he said and turned to walk back to his truck . He put the groceries in the lockbox in the bed and unlocked the door . After getting inside , he took a second look at the girl waiting near the doorway , continually looking around the parking lot and at the people going in and out of the store like she was waiting on something or someone . He started the vehicle and put it into gear before taking another look at her . When he looked into her eyes a few moments ago , he also noticed she had a look of fear , of anxiousness and of a need for help . She was scared , but he had no idea of who or what . He could have dialed up the Erwin Police and sent out a unit to check on her and debated that for a moment . But in the end , sighed and decided to figure out what she needed before making any judgment calls . He drove back to the entrance , her eyes following him the whole way . " You want to buckle up ? " he asked as he pulled away from the door . She grabbed at the seatbelt and pulled it over , locking it in place . " So , where you from ? " She laughed at the comment and looked out the window at the trees passing by on the two lane highway . The look of fear had disappeared from her face , but the anxiousness still was in her eyes . The remainder of the drive was spent in silence from Erwin to Unicoi Tennessee . He eventually reached his turn off spot by Jones Hardware and came to a stop . " I 'm turning towards home from here , " he said . " Well , thanks for the ride Mister , " she said . She grabbed the pack at her feet and popped open the door , walking over in the parking lot next to the roadway . When she got there , she looked north and south along the road , wondering what to do next . " Listen , it 's going to be dark in a couple of hours and there isn 't any place in town to take you in . You don 't have any place to go and the sheriff will bust you for vagrancy if he finds you sleeping out on a store front somewhere . I 've got a guesthouse at my place and I can put you up for the night if you want , " he offered . She contemplated his offer for about two seconds before deciding the chance to sleep in an actual bed and take an actual shower appealed to her more than trying to find a place to sleep out again . For all I know , he could be a serial killer , weird axe murderer or some pervert , but I just don 't get that vibe from him she thought and made her choice . She hopped back off the sidewalk and got back into the vehicle . " Just for the night . " Cindy had spent a restless night sleeping off and on , worrying about her newfound " friend " from the previous night . Not that she didn 't trust him , but she just didn 't … trust him fully . But she had a plan for that as well . She carried a claw hammer in her bag just in case and had slept with it under her pillow that night , waking up at the strangest sound and slightest creak of the cabin and grabbing it every time in case she needed to use it . But the night had passed without incident and she wondered what kind of situation she was getting into . Plus , she wondered if she should tell him what brought her to this small farm in East Tennessee . It was going to be daybreak soon and she could see the early morning gray associated with just before the sun began to rise . She rose out of the bed , feeling somewhat uncomfortable wearing the clothing of the man 's dead wife , but until she could get inside and grab her own clothing , she was kind of stuck with it . She looked in the mirror and saw the dark rings under her eyes from the restless night she spent and decided she didn 't need to worry that much about it next time . Her life was in her own hands now and she needed to start thinking on that level . She had a shudder at the thought of what she had been in before and decided it wasn 't so bad being in this strange bedroom in a strange place and with a stranger watching over her . She contemplated taking another shower and decided it would be better if she get it out of the way quickly before getting underway that day . " Absolutely , " said Mitch as they entered the kitchen . He grabbed a cup since this was not the first visit to the farm he had done before . Lifelong friends since kindergarten , the two got along great and often bounced ideas off each other . Mitch fought against the corruption so evident in a small county sheriff and had very few people in the area he could call a true friend . Charlie was one of the few that he could rely on , thick or thin . But by and large , the county appreciated what he did and had reelected him into his position again by a large majority . " One of the deputies called in sick . His wife and kid are down with a stomach bug so I 'm filling in on his shift today . Plus your call has me curious , " said Mitch as he poured a cup of coffee . " Eight O ' clock brand ? " " Yeah , decided to give it a try after I had that cup at the courthouse . Smells rich , " said Charlie . " Found something in Erwin that has me kind of curious . Young girl , runaway I think . No story to speak of and not from around here either . Says she is from Cleveland Ohio , but her accent is kind of New England . Won 't talk , but looks scared to death at what she came from , " said Charlie . " No , I don 't think she 's any of those . She doesn 't fit the profile or at least for now . Maybe down the road , but not at the moment . You know me , I like to help people , " said Charlie . " I can send out a ping with her name and address , but thousands of young girls go missing each year . Like searching for a needle in a haystack , but we could get lucky . However , without a decent address , we aren 't going to get that lucky , " said Mitch . " Name ? " Charlie turned and looked where Mitch was motioning his head and sure enough , Cindy was coming through the yard towards the back door . " Yeah , that 's her . She was probably going to sneak out quietly . " " I do and if it was anyone else , I wouldn 't believe them . But yes Charlie , you 're a good guy and wouldn 't take advantage of the situation . Annie , God rest her soul , would come back and haunt you for the rest of your life and you wouldn 't forgive yourself in the first place , " said Mitch . " I am helping you . But you won 't talk to me so I had no other choice . I think you need help , but for the life of me I don 't know what kind . He can help with whatever problems you have . Trust me , I 've known Mitch Brewer my whole life and if there is anyone who can help you , it 's him , " said Charlie patiently . " Thanks , but no thanks . I 'm leaving , " she said and went into the laundry room to grab her items . She was intercepted by Mitch . " Listen young lady . Charlie Gray is a downright great guy and I trust him without question . If he says you are in trouble and in need of help , I 'm going to give it to him . Now we can do this the easy way or the hard way , " said the Sheriff . She continued to look at them with a tear streaming down her face . She had no idea if these two could help her and she immediately distrusted any law enforcement since they had been no help before . She had no idea what to do except escape once again when the cir * * * stances would let her . She had no idea neither one of the men would let her . " Negative , I 've got Charlie with me , " said Mitch into the radio . He turned back to Cindy and softened his look . " Want to start at the top ? " Cindy sat down at the table and started talking . Who she was , where she came from , how long it took her to get here and what drove her away to start with . She was fifteen years old and from a small community near Rochester New York . And she had another name as well for him to put out on the computer systems , Haseena Hassan . Her father had converted over to Islam three years prior and drug his family along with him including his children . But that 's where the problems just started . Her father had fallen in with a radical Imam preaching in a small community in upstate New York and his leanings were now closer to being on the dangerous fringe rather than in moderation which many practiced . Upon moving his family closer to the congregation , he also forced the new name change to Hassan and gave the remainder of his children new Islamic names . She had a younger brother and sister and he started enforcing a strict Islamic dress code . The school where they lived was a private one and closed to females of all types . There weren 't that many girl children around , but all were forced to wear the traditional hijab and the full length abaya , and some were even forced to wear the niqāb if their father enforced the strict dress code . And her father was one of those strict fundamentalists who decided his daughter would be hidden from public view at all times . And he started treating his daughters and wife differently . Physical abuse was not uncommon along with punishments for minor transgressions . " But that 's not why I left . My father told me I was to be married to a man in the congregation , the Imam . He is forty - seven years old and my father told me I was to marry him and keep him happy as it was what Allah wanted , " she cried , thinking over what had happened the previous week . " I KNOW ! " she exclaimed through tears . " Why come all the way to Tennessee though ? Why not go to the police up there ? " asked Charlie . " I didn 't think of going to them . I managed to steal some money out of my father 's wallet and some old clothing from my mother and run away two nights before I was to be wed to him . I caught a ride to the nearest bus stop and headed south from there . I managed to make it to near Roanoke before the money ran out and I managed to hitch rides from there . I had made it to this town when Charlie found me , " said Cindy crying . " I 've got no reason to doubt her , " said Mitch , thinking of what had been said . " I mean , the story could be made up , but it 's not . I can 't tell you why except that little hunch I 've got . " " I don 't know . Just the funny feeling I get . I 'd rather do it from one of the State terminals at the Troopers ' office or in Johnson City myself . Preferably a place they can 't easily track , " said Mitch . " I 'm thinking I might not like what kind of answers I get if we get a hit , " said Mitch . " And let 's just play this out . Let 's say for a moment what she told us was true . Her parents are going to want to come get her or we bring her to them . Now I ain 't about to take some young girl who should be worried about a prom date back to be married to some dirty old man . I put her name out across the TBI terminal and it comes back with a hit , especially if she was reported missing . The hit is traced back to my office . It gives them a place to start looking . And I 'd rather keep her under wraps until we can figure out what she said is true . " " I 'm rarely shocked in my life . Can 't say I 've seen everything , but not too many things in this life surprise me . But I will admit this is in my top three if it pans out , " said Mitch . " No … well , I don 't know . Depends on how you look at it . I mean , political asylum means you are escaping a place because of your political beliefs and whatnot . Religion is in there as well I think . I mean , she doesn 't want to be in her current environment . But anyway , it 's about whether or not the State is allowing it to happen , " said Mitch . " Finish the dishes like you promised , " he chuckled and grabbed a planner with numbers in the contacts list . He found the number he wanted after looking through several pages . Grabbing the cordless phone , he walked outside and dialed the number . " Mayor says this place is as good as any , but I didn 't give him specifics . His quote : ' that Charlie Gray guy is as good as anyone even if he 's not on the list . ' It 'll take me at least two days to find a decent foster home in any case , so I think you are qualified . I 'll have the county sign off on your paperwork today declaring you as a foster home and make this legal , " said Mitch . " First off , we 're working on it . Gonna take some time , but patience is a virtue . In the meantime , do you have a place to stay ? " he asked , knowing the answer in advance . " Well , that 's an option , but not one I 'm particularly comfortable with . I mean , you 're a pretty young girl and I happen to be single . Lots of rumors get started that way , " he said . " Okay , as long as you 're comfortable with it , " said Charlie . " But I have a few ground rules if you plan on staying . Sure , you 're my guest , but you have to earn your keep around here . " " You have to work hard , if you don 't know how to do it , I 'll show you . You keep up with your school lessons if and when you happen to still be around when school starts . And you mind your manners . You may think you 're sassy and stubborn , but you 'll find me the most stubborn mule this side of the Mississippi . I ain 't gonna yell at you , beat you or nothing like that , but I do expect you to mind your manners ' round me . Can you accept this ? " asked Charlie . " I 'm kind of sassy , I know . My father calls it impudent , but anyway . Can you bear it a little ? I 'll try to watch myself , but please let me know if I step out of bounds , " she asked . " Charlie , I 've been missing you lately . You haven 't come into town like you used to , " said Mary , turning back to Charlie and pretty much ignoring Cindy . It was fairly obvious who the object of Mary 's attention was by the eyes she flashed at Charlie . " Not what Barb or Julie says . They said they haven 't seen you in a month of Sundays , " said Mary . " You need to stop by a little more often . " " You know where to find me . I 'm always at the drug store , " said Mary . " Funny I ran into you here in Johnson City though . I was on a trip to Kingsport to pick up some stuff for the store and I remembered I was out of sugar . And wouldn 't you believe it , but the IGA Store was out of the ten pound bags of sugar . I never buy those five pound bags , just don 't seem to last . So I saw the Wal - Mart on my way off the highway and figured I 'd give them a try . It 's cheaper at the old Whites , but the manager said he didn 't know when they were getting more in and I don 't want to wait . I mean , it would end up being like that time we all had to wait on the big cans of JFG Coffee and they didn 't get it in for six months . But anyway , I remembered I needed more sugar and I was out this way and - " " Uncle Charlie ? We 've got that roast in the oven , " said Cindy , politely interrupting and seeing the expression on Charlie 's face . She barely knew him , but the expression of " help me " was the same the world over . " Yeah , we do . Hate to cut it short Mary , but we 've got to get running . Cindy here is cooking up a roast and we just came out for a quick trip , " he said . " Well , don 't you be a stranger . You swing on by and sit down for a glass of tea , " said Mary . " Nice to meet you . " " Okay , ham it is , " laughed Charlie . The drive back to the farm was spent talking once again and once they returned , Cindy changed clothes to do the chores he had requested she do . Had she refused , he would have ended up doing it himself , but she had " volunteered " and came into the barn in her new work clothing . " Take from the back , the part closest to the wall and move it on over to the door . The neighbors are coming by to pick them up tomorrow . You can help load then too if you want , " said Charlie . He went back to sharpening the blades taken from a riding lawnmower and watched her out of the corner of his eye . She initially tried carrying it up and down , but failed as it continued to slip out of her hands . She tried lengthwise as well and found she couldn 't grip her hands around the bale . Eventually she remembered having the gloves stuffed into the cargo pocket of the BDU pants she had on and grabbed it by the wire and managed to get it over to the doorway . Finding the best way of carrying it took several tries , but she seemed to have a good system going after the first five . But it wasn 't easy work as she grunted at attempting to lift the bales and carry them over . She noticed he was watching her carefully , although not being obvious about it . " I am unsure of that . One of our patrols asked us to run it by name and date of birth . We came back with a hit , " said Mitch . " I 'll be in touch with the New York authorities , " said Mitch as he ended the call . He felt a chill run down her spine as her father had all but verified the claims she had made . He would have to check further , but there was a good chance the claim of the arranged marriage was real . A fifteen year old could make up a lot of stories , but this was one that typically wouldn 't enter their mind unless there was some truth to the matter . Such an outlandish tale could easily be refuted until an official investigation was made . And until such time , Mitch would ensure she was protected as was his job as Sheriff . Mohammed Hassan looked at the phone and the fast dial tone it was beeping at him since he had yet to hang up . He wasn 't sure if the person who called was who they claimed to be and had been prying a little too much for his tastes . He put the phone on the receiver and thought about the conversation he had just had . Mohammed Hassan , formerly known as Stephen Grant was living in a small planned community of Muslims in upstate New York . He had practiced many forms of religion before deciding Islam was his preferred choice in his life , but had one thing in common with each of them . Each religion he practiced he took his zeal to new levels . While many were content to live their lives in full devotion to God 's work , Stephen Grant went above and beyond practicing the religion in complete control of his life , and in turn his family 's life and any other life he could preach it to . His devotion to whatever religion he happened to be practicing bordered on fanatical and relentless in his pursuit of demanding others believe what he believed . But all his life he had searched for more than just what Judaism , Christianity , Catholicism , Buddhism and others were teaching . He finally found what he was looking for three years prior in the form of Islam and immediately converted and changed his life to the calling of Allah and Mohammed his prophet . But he still wasn 't content until he fell in with the group in New York . The extreme teaching of the Imam there made him realize even the more moderate groups of Muslims in the United States had fallen away from the true faith . And so he had packed up his family and moved to the small community near Rochester . Being secluded from the main city , they had the freedom to practice the highly volatile version of Islam without interference from the outside and to train new warriors for the coming fight he predicted . His wife , two daughters and son had been given new names in accordance with his religion and he had forced the conversion of them all . And the conduct of the women would have been considered harsh even by the Taliban standards . His wife and two daughters were always fully clothed from head to toe and nobody was able to see their faces . His son was being taught the proper role of a Muslim male in the private school and he had hopes to send him off to the more advanced school in Pakistan later in his life . But the phone call had him worried . His eldest daughter had disappeared one night not to be seen again . The local law enforcement had been contacted and a report filed , but they had not seen her since she slipped away quietly one night . But for her to turn up in California was unusual . She had been resistant to the teachings of the community since their arrival and had been punished on several occasions for impudence . She was being stubborn , much like he was , but it was her role to be obedient in the community and a roll she needed to learn . His wife had admitted to missing some clothing after a savage beating by him and the members of the community , but had no other knowledge of her leaving . But then again , it wasn 't completely unexpected as she had already gone to the police attempting to stop the planned marriage to the Imam . But being good members of the faith , they had reported her behavior to him and the Imam and she had been dealt with . But one thing was for certain , his daughter needed to be brought back to the fold before she dishonored his family . He needed her pure for the Imam 's wishes and the longer she was away , there was more of a chance of her being compromised . Plus the added attention given by law enforcement peeking in on what was going on and the State social workers stood a good chance of wrecking the harmony of the community . The alarm went off at 5 : 00 AM as it always did . Charlie was the kind of person who could be up and at the world within fifteen seconds of the alarm going off . He stretched out his arms over his head and rolled over to look at the picture of Annie as he always did . And as always he wondered what his life would have been like had she still been alive . His daughter would have been in school by now had everything that transpired not happened . He rolled out of bed and grabbed at the shirt sitting on the chair next to the bed . He had no serious plans for the day as the hay bales had taken care of themselves yesterday , well , not by themselves , but he did like having the " hired hand " around to help out . Besides the neighbors coming over to grab the hay bales and the trip to the grocery store , he had no serious plans . The chickens needed to be fed , coops cleaned out and the fields checked on , but nothing more serious than that . Just a lazy Saturday for a change . But Charlie was one of those people who tended to make work for himself rather than just sit around . He walked downstairs and put on a pot of coffee and took in the morning , watching the sun come up from the east in vibrant reds , oranges and yellows . He thought to go out and wake up Cindy , but she needed her rest after her work yesterday . She wasn 't used to the hard labor farming often entailed and he needed to take it a bit easier on her since she could get hurt without conditioning into it first . Since there wasn 't anything serious on the horizon that day , she could take the day to rest up . And of course there was Sunday and church . He wasn 't sure how to approach her about it and decided to make it her choice . She had enough religion shoved on her from her family so she claimed , and he didn 't want to add to that if he could avoid it . But he had no idea what to do with her while he went to church . He would play that by ear as it came up . The coffee was sputtering into the pot and he had enough for a cup . Pouring it out , he went outside to the chicken coops and checked on his flock . He didn 't keep many chickens around , but enough to keep him in eggs , fresh meat and some extra to sell at the farmer 's market from time to time . It was still fairly early for them but once he appeared , they knew it was morning time and came out of the coop and into the pen area . He tossed out the cracked corn and they went slightly nuts as they typically did . His rooster would typically lead the charge into the feed but this morning was behind the rest of the group as he peeked out of the coops . Charlie checked the coops for fresh eggs and found several hens had laid in the past day . Not wanting the eggs to go to waste , he gathered them up and decided on eggs and bacon for breakfast this morning . The flock was still outside , making quite the racket as they typically did and scratching around in the pen at the feed . The coops could wait until the afternoon to be cleaned out and he had good plans to put the old straw and shavings into the garden plot he wasn 't using that year . By the next year , it would be fertilized very well and should produce his record crops as he always did . " No objections from me , " she said and looked at the chickens . The Rhode Island Reds continued scratching at the feed he had put out and ignored her for the most part except one . It wandered over to her and looked up with its head * * * * ed at an angle as chickens do . Eventually it went back to scratching in the dirt for the feed . " They are kind of cute . " " Well , the Reynolds ' are coming over this morning to pick up their hay and I 've got some further arranging to do in the barn . Grocery store this afternoon and hadn 't planned on supper just yet . Anything on your mind ? " he asked . " Okay , I 'll give you that , " said Charlie as he finished up in the coops and headed back to the house with Cindy in tow . The eggs were placed in the refrigerator except for five he kept out for breakfast . He grabbed the bacon from the bottom drawer and set it out on the counter along with the mixing for the biscuits . She watched him intently as she was not used to having a man around to do the kitchen work . But at the same time , she wanted to do something and asked to help . She measured out the portion for four of them and started mixing everything up while he got the stove ready for the bacon and the eggs . They sat in silence as he really had no idea what to say about then , but was curious about her to say the least . He wondered how Mark 's quest for information went yesterday and figured he would be getting paid a visit from his friend . Cindy was busy getting herself messy and making up the dough for the biscuits while he got everything else ready . She did happen to notice he had the eggs from the coops that morning . " Eggs in the supermarket come from the same place these do . These just happen to be quite a bit fresher than the ones you get from there . Trust me , don 't knock this until you try it . Best eggs you 'll ever have , " he said . " Wax paper is in the next drawer down and … hold on , " said Charlie after seeing her hands . She had been kneading the dough by hand and had the sticky mess all over herself . He grabbed the roller , wax paper and the biscuit cutter and set them on the table for her . She went back to what she was doing and started rolling out the dough , making quite the mess in the process . He remarked at the scene as well . " Suppose so , " he said as he watched her cut the four biscuits out and set them off to the side . There was only a little left over and she got ready to through it away . " Hold on , I 'll toss that in as well . " " Fried will be okay , " she said . He added in the other two in the pan , cutting at the sides to keep them where they were supposed to be . While they were cooking up , he went to the fridge and grabbed the milk , butter and jelly and set them on the table . The eggs were finally finished and he set everything out on the table while she got the items from the stove , making work for herself since she felt quite useless at that moment . He said the blessing and they began to fix everything for the meal . She tried the bacon first and found it acceptable , the biscuits she couldn 't complain about since she was the one that prepared them , but had yet to try the eggs . She finally figured out she couldn 't avoid it and wondered what the local hospital was like after she contracted salmonella . But much to her surprise , the eggs were outstanding . He stopped and set back from the table , thinking of the question . " Cindy , I 've seen a lot of crazy things in my life . Heard of things even crazier . But never in my life would I ever have imagined something like this going on in the United States , much less figure on meeting someone it happened to in upper East Tennessee . I 've got no reason to doubt you , but you have to understand , it is kind of farfetched . " " It 's an ' I 'm going to wait and see . ' I 've got no reason to doubt your story at all . I take things I hear at face value unless I know for a fact the person is lying . I think you are telling the truth . I 've got no reason not to believe you do I ? " he asked . He thought about the questions and couldn 't come up with a decent answer right then . He had no idea why he was doing it . " Dunno , just felt like the right thing to do , " he finally answered . It was a good enough answer for the moment and his feelings were something he never questioned . " No problem , " he said , still wondering what exactly made him stop that night . It was a question he hadn 't really thought about until that time and needed to think on it more later when he could be alone . The telephone ringing broke him out of his concentration and he went over to answer it .
|
Funny thing about a spark . Typically it just burns for a split second and goes away quietly . Millions , perhaps billions of sparks happen daily and nothing ever happens . They just illuminate quickly and go away , just as quickly . Nobody ever gives them a second thought . But sometimes that spark comes in contact with a volatile material and ignites it . We sometimes do our best to avoid them , like explosive workers . But sometimes that spark just happens to come in contact with said volatile material and an explosion happens . Call it destiny or happenstance ; it happens no matter what precautions we take . We can do everything on the planet to prevent that spark , but sometimes it just happens whether we want it to or not . And in other times , people feel the need to pour gasoline on the pile of sweating dynamite while lighting a cigar and talking on their cell phone … He studied her with a knowing look and peered into her eyes . The eyes were always told of how old a person was , how much they had seen and furthermore , what they happened to be thinking . " How old did you say you were ? " " Again , kind of young to be smoking , but it 's your lungs , " he said as he dug in his pocket and grabbed at the lighter he carried there . He cupped his hand and lit the cigarette as she puffed at it . He took the time to notice she didn 't inhale and rather puffed at it without drawing in the smoke . " Just letting you know , " he said and turned to walk back to his truck . He put the groceries in the lockbox in the bed and unlocked the door . After getting inside , he took a second look at the girl waiting near the doorway , continually looking around the parking lot and at the people going in and out of the store like she was waiting on something or someone . He started the vehicle and put it into gear before taking another look at her . When he looked into her eyes a few moments ago , he also noticed she had a look of fear , of anxiousness and of a need for help . She was scared , but he had no idea of who or what . He could have dialed up the Erwin Police and sent out a unit to check on her and debated that for a moment . But in the end , sighed and decided to figure out what she needed before making any judgment calls . He drove back to the entrance , her eyes following him the whole way . " You want to buckle up ? " he asked as he pulled away from the door . She grabbed at the seatbelt and pulled it over , locking it in place . " So , where you from ? " She laughed at the comment and looked out the window at the trees passing by on the two lane highway . The look of fear had disappeared from her face , but the anxiousness still was in her eyes . The remainder of the drive was spent in silence from Erwin to Unicoi Tennessee . He eventually reached his turn off spot by Jones Hardware and came to a stop . " I 'm turning towards home from here , " he said . " Well , thanks for the ride Mister , " she said . She grabbed the pack at her feet and popped open the door , walking over in the parking lot next to the roadway . When she got there , she looked north and south along the road , wondering what to do next . " Listen , it 's going to be dark in a couple of hours and there isn 't any place in town to take you in . You don 't have any place to go and the sheriff will bust you for vagrancy if he finds you sleeping out on a store front somewhere . I 've got a guesthouse at my place and I can put you up for the night if you want , " he offered . She contemplated his offer for about two seconds before deciding the chance to sleep in an actual bed and take an actual shower appealed to her more than trying to find a place to sleep out again . For all I know , he could be a serial killer , weird axe murderer or some pervert , but I just don 't get that vibe from him she thought and made her choice . She hopped back off the sidewalk and got back into the vehicle . " Just for the night . " Cindy had spent a restless night sleeping off and on , worrying about her newfound " friend " from the previous night . Not that she didn 't trust him , but she just didn 't … trust him fully . But she had a plan for that as well . She carried a claw hammer in her bag just in case and had slept with it under her pillow that night , waking up at the strangest sound and slightest creak of the cabin and grabbing it every time in case she needed to use it . But the night had passed without incident and she wondered what kind of situation she was getting into . Plus , she wondered if she should tell him what brought her to this small farm in East Tennessee . It was going to be daybreak soon and she could see the early morning gray associated with just before the sun began to rise . She rose out of the bed , feeling somewhat uncomfortable wearing the clothing of the man 's dead wife , but until she could get inside and grab her own clothing , she was kind of stuck with it . She looked in the mirror and saw the dark rings under her eyes from the restless night she spent and decided she didn 't need to worry that much about it next time . Her life was in her own hands now and she needed to start thinking on that level . She had a shudder at the thought of what she had been in before and decided it wasn 't so bad being in this strange bedroom in a strange place and with a stranger watching over her . She contemplated taking another shower and decided it would be better if she get it out of the way quickly before getting underway that day . " Absolutely , " said Mitch as they entered the kitchen . He grabbed a cup since this was not the first visit to the farm he had done before . Lifelong friends since kindergarten , the two got along great and often bounced ideas off each other . Mitch fought against the corruption so evident in a small county sheriff and had very few people in the area he could call a true friend . Charlie was one of the few that he could rely on , thick or thin . But by and large , the county appreciated what he did and had reelected him into his position again by a large majority . " One of the deputies called in sick . His wife and kid are down with a stomach bug so I 'm filling in on his shift today . Plus your call has me curious , " said Mitch as he poured a cup of coffee . " Eight O ' clock brand ? " " Yeah , decided to give it a try after I had that cup at the courthouse . Smells rich , " said Charlie . " Found something in Erwin that has me kind of curious . Young girl , runaway I think . No story to speak of and not from around here either . Says she is from Cleveland Ohio , but her accent is kind of New England . Won 't talk , but looks scared to death at what she came from , " said Charlie . " No , I don 't think she 's any of those . She doesn 't fit the profile or at least for now . Maybe down the road , but not at the moment . You know me , I like to help people , " said Charlie . " I can send out a ping with her name and address , but thousands of young girls go missing each year . Like searching for a needle in a haystack , but we could get lucky . However , without a decent address , we aren 't going to get that lucky , " said Mitch . " Name ? " Charlie turned and looked where Mitch was motioning his head and sure enough , Cindy was coming through the yard towards the back door . " Yeah , that 's her . She was probably going to sneak out quietly . " " I do and if it was anyone else , I wouldn 't believe them . But yes Charlie , you 're a good guy and wouldn 't take advantage of the situation . Annie , God rest her soul , would come back and haunt you for the rest of your life and you wouldn 't forgive yourself in the first place , " said Mitch . " I am helping you . But you won 't talk to me so I had no other choice . I think you need help , but for the life of me I don 't know what kind . He can help with whatever problems you have . Trust me , I 've known Mitch Brewer my whole life and if there is anyone who can help you , it 's him , " said Charlie patiently . " Thanks , but no thanks . I 'm leaving , " she said and went into the laundry room to grab her items . She was intercepted by Mitch . " Listen young lady . Charlie Gray is a downright great guy and I trust him without question . If he says you are in trouble and in need of help , I 'm going to give it to him . Now we can do this the easy way or the hard way , " said the Sheriff . She continued to look at them with a tear streaming down her face . She had no idea if these two could help her and she immediately distrusted any law enforcement since they had been no help before . She had no idea what to do except escape once again when the cir * * * stances would let her . She had no idea neither one of the men would let her . " Negative , I 've got Charlie with me , " said Mitch into the radio . He turned back to Cindy and softened his look . " Want to start at the top ? " Cindy sat down at the table and started talking . Who she was , where she came from , how long it took her to get here and what drove her away to start with . She was fifteen years old and from a small community near Rochester New York . And she had another name as well for him to put out on the computer systems , Haseena Hassan . Her father had converted over to Islam three years prior and drug his family along with him including his children . But that 's where the problems just started . Her father had fallen in with a radical Imam preaching in a small community in upstate New York and his leanings were now closer to being on the dangerous fringe rather than in moderation which many practiced . Upon moving his family closer to the congregation , he also forced the new name change to Hassan and gave the remainder of his children new Islamic names . She had a younger brother and sister and he started enforcing a strict Islamic dress code . The school where they lived was a private one and closed to females of all types . There weren 't that many girl children around , but all were forced to wear the traditional hijab and the full length abaya , and some were even forced to wear the niqāb if their father enforced the strict dress code . And her father was one of those strict fundamentalists who decided his daughter would be hidden from public view at all times . And he started treating his daughters and wife differently . Physical abuse was not uncommon along with punishments for minor transgressions . " But that 's not why I left . My father told me I was to be married to a man in the congregation , the Imam . He is forty - seven years old and my father told me I was to marry him and keep him happy as it was what Allah wanted , " she cried , thinking over what had happened the previous week . " I KNOW ! " she exclaimed through tears . " Why come all the way to Tennessee though ? Why not go to the police up there ? " asked Charlie . " I didn 't think of going to them . I managed to steal some money out of my father 's wallet and some old clothing from my mother and run away two nights before I was to be wed to him . I caught a ride to the nearest bus stop and headed south from there . I managed to make it to near Roanoke before the money ran out and I managed to hitch rides from there . I had made it to this town when Charlie found me , " said Cindy crying . " I 've got no reason to doubt her , " said Mitch , thinking of what had been said . " I mean , the story could be made up , but it 's not . I can 't tell you why except that little hunch I 've got . " " I don 't know . Just the funny feeling I get . I 'd rather do it from one of the State terminals at the Troopers ' office or in Johnson City myself . Preferably a place they can 't easily track , " said Mitch . " I 'm thinking I might not like what kind of answers I get if we get a hit , " said Mitch . " And let 's just play this out . Let 's say for a moment what she told us was true . Her parents are going to want to come get her or we bring her to them . Now I ain 't about to take some young girl who should be worried about a prom date back to be married to some dirty old man . I put her name out across the TBI terminal and it comes back with a hit , especially if she was reported missing . The hit is traced back to my office . It gives them a place to start looking . And I 'd rather keep her under wraps until we can figure out what she said is true . " " I 'm rarely shocked in my life . Can 't say I 've seen everything , but not too many things in this life surprise me . But I will admit this is in my top three if it pans out , " said Mitch . " No … well , I don 't know . Depends on how you look at it . I mean , political asylum means you are escaping a place because of your political beliefs and whatnot . Religion is in there as well I think . I mean , she doesn 't want to be in her current environment . But anyway , it 's about whether or not the State is allowing it to happen , " said Mitch . " Finish the dishes like you promised , " he chuckled and grabbed a planner with numbers in the contacts list . He found the number he wanted after looking through several pages . Grabbing the cordless phone , he walked outside and dialed the number . " Mayor says this place is as good as any , but I didn 't give him specifics . His quote : ' that Charlie Gray guy is as good as anyone even if he 's not on the list . ' It 'll take me at least two days to find a decent foster home in any case , so I think you are qualified . I 'll have the county sign off on your paperwork today declaring you as a foster home and make this legal , " said Mitch . " First off , we 're working on it . Gonna take some time , but patience is a virtue . In the meantime , do you have a place to stay ? " he asked , knowing the answer in advance . " Well , that 's an option , but not one I 'm particularly comfortable with . I mean , you 're a pretty young girl and I happen to be single . Lots of rumors get started that way , " he said . " Okay , as long as you 're comfortable with it , " said Charlie . " But I have a few ground rules if you plan on staying . Sure , you 're my guest , but you have to earn your keep around here . " " You have to work hard , if you don 't know how to do it , I 'll show you . You keep up with your school lessons if and when you happen to still be around when school starts . And you mind your manners . You may think you 're sassy and stubborn , but you 'll find me the most stubborn mule this side of the Mississippi . I ain 't gonna yell at you , beat you or nothing like that , but I do expect you to mind your manners ' round me . Can you accept this ? " asked Charlie . " I 'm kind of sassy , I know . My father calls it impudent , but anyway . Can you bear it a little ? I 'll try to watch myself , but please let me know if I step out of bounds , " she asked . " Charlie , I 've been missing you lately . You haven 't come into town like you used to , " said Mary , turning back to Charlie and pretty much ignoring Cindy . It was fairly obvious who the object of Mary 's attention was by the eyes she flashed at Charlie . " Not what Barb or Julie says . They said they haven 't seen you in a month of Sundays , " said Mary . " You need to stop by a little more often . " " You know where to find me . I 'm always at the drug store , " said Mary . " Funny I ran into you here in Johnson City though . I was on a trip to Kingsport to pick up some stuff for the store and I remembered I was out of sugar . And wouldn 't you believe it , but the IGA Store was out of the ten pound bags of sugar . I never buy those five pound bags , just don 't seem to last . So I saw the Wal - Mart on my way off the highway and figured I 'd give them a try . It 's cheaper at the old Whites , but the manager said he didn 't know when they were getting more in and I don 't want to wait . I mean , it would end up being like that time we all had to wait on the big cans of JFG Coffee and they didn 't get it in for six months . But anyway , I remembered I needed more sugar and I was out this way and - " " Uncle Charlie ? We 've got that roast in the oven , " said Cindy , politely interrupting and seeing the expression on Charlie 's face . She barely knew him , but the expression of " help me " was the same the world over . " Yeah , we do . Hate to cut it short Mary , but we 've got to get running . Cindy here is cooking up a roast and we just came out for a quick trip , " he said . " Well , don 't you be a stranger . You swing on by and sit down for a glass of tea , " said Mary . " Nice to meet you . " " Okay , ham it is , " laughed Charlie . The drive back to the farm was spent talking once again and once they returned , Cindy changed clothes to do the chores he had requested she do . Had she refused , he would have ended up doing it himself , but she had " volunteered " and came into the barn in her new work clothing . " Take from the back , the part closest to the wall and move it on over to the door . The neighbors are coming by to pick them up tomorrow . You can help load then too if you want , " said Charlie . He went back to sharpening the blades taken from a riding lawnmower and watched her out of the corner of his eye . She initially tried carrying it up and down , but failed as it continued to slip out of her hands . She tried lengthwise as well and found she couldn 't grip her hands around the bale . Eventually she remembered having the gloves stuffed into the cargo pocket of the BDU pants she had on and grabbed it by the wire and managed to get it over to the doorway . Finding the best way of carrying it took several tries , but she seemed to have a good system going after the first five . But it wasn 't easy work as she grunted at attempting to lift the bales and carry them over . She noticed he was watching her carefully , although not being obvious about it . " I am unsure of that . One of our patrols asked us to run it by name and date of birth . We came back with a hit , " said Mitch . " I 'll be in touch with the New York authorities , " said Mitch as he ended the call . He felt a chill run down her spine as her father had all but verified the claims she had made . He would have to check further , but there was a good chance the claim of the arranged marriage was real . A fifteen year old could make up a lot of stories , but this was one that typically wouldn 't enter their mind unless there was some truth to the matter . Such an outlandish tale could easily be refuted until an official investigation was made . And until such time , Mitch would ensure she was protected as was his job as Sheriff . Mohammed Hassan looked at the phone and the fast dial tone it was beeping at him since he had yet to hang up . He wasn 't sure if the person who called was who they claimed to be and had been prying a little too much for his tastes . He put the phone on the receiver and thought about the conversation he had just had . Mohammed Hassan , formerly known as Stephen Grant was living in a small planned community of Muslims in upstate New York . He had practiced many forms of religion before deciding Islam was his preferred choice in his life , but had one thing in common with each of them . Each religion he practiced he took his zeal to new levels . While many were content to live their lives in full devotion to God 's work , Stephen Grant went above and beyond practicing the religion in complete control of his life , and in turn his family 's life and any other life he could preach it to . His devotion to whatever religion he happened to be practicing bordered on fanatical and relentless in his pursuit of demanding others believe what he believed . But all his life he had searched for more than just what Judaism , Christianity , Catholicism , Buddhism and others were teaching . He finally found what he was looking for three years prior in the form of Islam and immediately converted and changed his life to the calling of Allah and Mohammed his prophet . But he still wasn 't content until he fell in with the group in New York . The extreme teaching of the Imam there made him realize even the more moderate groups of Muslims in the United States had fallen away from the true faith . And so he had packed up his family and moved to the small community near Rochester . Being secluded from the main city , they had the freedom to practice the highly volatile version of Islam without interference from the outside and to train new warriors for the coming fight he predicted . His wife , two daughters and son had been given new names in accordance with his religion and he had forced the conversion of them all . And the conduct of the women would have been considered harsh even by the Taliban standards . His wife and two daughters were always fully clothed from head to toe and nobody was able to see their faces . His son was being taught the proper role of a Muslim male in the private school and he had hopes to send him off to the more advanced school in Pakistan later in his life . But the phone call had him worried . His eldest daughter had disappeared one night not to be seen again . The local law enforcement had been contacted and a report filed , but they had not seen her since she slipped away quietly one night . But for her to turn up in California was unusual . She had been resistant to the teachings of the community since their arrival and had been punished on several occasions for impudence . She was being stubborn , much like he was , but it was her role to be obedient in the community and a roll she needed to learn . His wife had admitted to missing some clothing after a savage beating by him and the members of the community , but had no other knowledge of her leaving . But then again , it wasn 't completely unexpected as she had already gone to the police attempting to stop the planned marriage to the Imam . But being good members of the faith , they had reported her behavior to him and the Imam and she had been dealt with . But one thing was for certain , his daughter needed to be brought back to the fold before she dishonored his family . He needed her pure for the Imam 's wishes and the longer she was away , there was more of a chance of her being compromised . Plus the added attention given by law enforcement peeking in on what was going on and the State social workers stood a good chance of wrecking the harmony of the community . The alarm went off at 5 : 00 AM as it always did . Charlie was the kind of person who could be up and at the world within fifteen seconds of the alarm going off . He stretched out his arms over his head and rolled over to look at the picture of Annie as he always did . And as always he wondered what his life would have been like had she still been alive . His daughter would have been in school by now had everything that transpired not happened . He rolled out of bed and grabbed at the shirt sitting on the chair next to the bed . He had no serious plans for the day as the hay bales had taken care of themselves yesterday , well , not by themselves , but he did like having the " hired hand " around to help out . Besides the neighbors coming over to grab the hay bales and the trip to the grocery store , he had no serious plans . The chickens needed to be fed , coops cleaned out and the fields checked on , but nothing more serious than that . Just a lazy Saturday for a change . But Charlie was one of those people who tended to make work for himself rather than just sit around . He walked downstairs and put on a pot of coffee and took in the morning , watching the sun come up from the east in vibrant reds , oranges and yellows . He thought to go out and wake up Cindy , but she needed her rest after her work yesterday . She wasn 't used to the hard labor farming often entailed and he needed to take it a bit easier on her since she could get hurt without conditioning into it first . Since there wasn 't anything serious on the horizon that day , she could take the day to rest up . And of course there was Sunday and church . He wasn 't sure how to approach her about it and decided to make it her choice . She had enough religion shoved on her from her family so she claimed , and he didn 't want to add to that if he could avoid it . But he had no idea what to do with her while he went to church . He would play that by ear as it came up . The coffee was sputtering into the pot and he had enough for a cup . Pouring it out , he went outside to the chicken coops and checked on his flock . He didn 't keep many chickens around , but enough to keep him in eggs , fresh meat and some extra to sell at the farmer 's market from time to time . It was still fairly early for them but once he appeared , they knew it was morning time and came out of the coop and into the pen area . He tossed out the cracked corn and they went slightly nuts as they typically did . His rooster would typically lead the charge into the feed but this morning was behind the rest of the group as he peeked out of the coops . Charlie checked the coops for fresh eggs and found several hens had laid in the past day . Not wanting the eggs to go to waste , he gathered them up and decided on eggs and bacon for breakfast this morning . The flock was still outside , making quite the racket as they typically did and scratching around in the pen at the feed . The coops could wait until the afternoon to be cleaned out and he had good plans to put the old straw and shavings into the garden plot he wasn 't using that year . By the next year , it would be fertilized very well and should produce his record crops as he always did . " No objections from me , " she said and looked at the chickens . The Rhode Island Reds continued scratching at the feed he had put out and ignored her for the most part except one . It wandered over to her and looked up with its head * * * * ed at an angle as chickens do . Eventually it went back to scratching in the dirt for the feed . " They are kind of cute . " " Well , the Reynolds ' are coming over this morning to pick up their hay and I 've got some further arranging to do in the barn . Grocery store this afternoon and hadn 't planned on supper just yet . Anything on your mind ? " he asked . " Okay , I 'll give you that , " said Charlie as he finished up in the coops and headed back to the house with Cindy in tow . The eggs were placed in the refrigerator except for five he kept out for breakfast . He grabbed the bacon from the bottom drawer and set it out on the counter along with the mixing for the biscuits . She watched him intently as she was not used to having a man around to do the kitchen work . But at the same time , she wanted to do something and asked to help . She measured out the portion for four of them and started mixing everything up while he got the stove ready for the bacon and the eggs . They sat in silence as he really had no idea what to say about then , but was curious about her to say the least . He wondered how Mark 's quest for information went yesterday and figured he would be getting paid a visit from his friend . Cindy was busy getting herself messy and making up the dough for the biscuits while he got everything else ready . She did happen to notice he had the eggs from the coops that morning . " Eggs in the supermarket come from the same place these do . These just happen to be quite a bit fresher than the ones you get from there . Trust me , don 't knock this until you try it . Best eggs you 'll ever have , " he said . " Wax paper is in the next drawer down and … hold on , " said Charlie after seeing her hands . She had been kneading the dough by hand and had the sticky mess all over herself . He grabbed the roller , wax paper and the biscuit cutter and set them on the table for her . She went back to what she was doing and started rolling out the dough , making quite the mess in the process . He remarked at the scene as well . " Suppose so , " he said as he watched her cut the four biscuits out and set them off to the side . There was only a little left over and she got ready to through it away . " Hold on , I 'll toss that in as well . " " Fried will be okay , " she said . He added in the other two in the pan , cutting at the sides to keep them where they were supposed to be . While they were cooking up , he went to the fridge and grabbed the milk , butter and jelly and set them on the table . The eggs were finally finished and he set everything out on the table while she got the items from the stove , making work for herself since she felt quite useless at that moment . He said the blessing and they began to fix everything for the meal . She tried the bacon first and found it acceptable , the biscuits she couldn 't complain about since she was the one that prepared them , but had yet to try the eggs . She finally figured out she couldn 't avoid it and wondered what the local hospital was like after she contracted salmonella . But much to her surprise , the eggs were outstanding . He stopped and set back from the table , thinking of the question . " Cindy , I 've seen a lot of crazy things in my life . Heard of things even crazier . But never in my life would I ever have imagined something like this going on in the United States , much less figure on meeting someone it happened to in upper East Tennessee . I 've got no reason to doubt you , but you have to understand , it is kind of farfetched . " " It 's an ' I 'm going to wait and see . ' I 've got no reason to doubt your story at all . I take things I hear at face value unless I know for a fact the person is lying . I think you are telling the truth . I 've got no reason not to believe you do I ? " he asked . He thought about the questions and couldn 't come up with a decent answer right then . He had no idea why he was doing it . " Dunno , just felt like the right thing to do , " he finally answered . It was a good enough answer for the moment and his feelings were something he never questioned . " No problem , " he said , still wondering what exactly made him stop that night . It was a question he hadn 't really thought about until that time and needed to think on it more later when he could be alone . The telephone ringing broke him out of his concentration and he went over to answer it .
|
Funny thing about a spark . Typically it just burns for a split second and goes away quietly . Millions , perhaps billions of sparks happen daily and nothing ever happens . They just illuminate quickly and go away , just as quickly . Nobody ever gives them a second thought . But sometimes that spark comes in contact with a volatile material and ignites it . We sometimes do our best to avoid them , like explosive workers . But sometimes that spark just happens to come in contact with said volatile material and an explosion happens . Call it destiny or happenstance ; it happens no matter what precautions we take . We can do everything on the planet to prevent that spark , but sometimes it just happens whether we want it to or not . And in other times , people feel the need to pour gasoline on the pile of sweating dynamite while lighting a cigar and talking on their cell phone … He studied her with a knowing look and peered into her eyes . The eyes were always told of how old a person was , how much they had seen and furthermore , what they happened to be thinking . " How old did you say you were ? " " Again , kind of young to be smoking , but it 's your lungs , " he said as he dug in his pocket and grabbed at the lighter he carried there . He cupped his hand and lit the cigarette as she puffed at it . He took the time to notice she didn 't inhale and rather puffed at it without drawing in the smoke . " Just letting you know , " he said and turned to walk back to his truck . He put the groceries in the lockbox in the bed and unlocked the door . After getting inside , he took a second look at the girl waiting near the doorway , continually looking around the parking lot and at the people going in and out of the store like she was waiting on something or someone . He started the vehicle and put it into gear before taking another look at her . When he looked into her eyes a few moments ago , he also noticed she had a look of fear , of anxiousness and of a need for help . She was scared , but he had no idea of who or what . He could have dialed up the Erwin Police and sent out a unit to check on her and debated that for a moment . But in the end , sighed and decided to figure out what she needed before making any judgment calls . He drove back to the entrance , her eyes following him the whole way . " You want to buckle up ? " he asked as he pulled away from the door . She grabbed at the seatbelt and pulled it over , locking it in place . " So , where you from ? " She laughed at the comment and looked out the window at the trees passing by on the two lane highway . The look of fear had disappeared from her face , but the anxiousness still was in her eyes . The remainder of the drive was spent in silence from Erwin to Unicoi Tennessee . He eventually reached his turn off spot by Jones Hardware and came to a stop . " I 'm turning towards home from here , " he said . " Well , thanks for the ride Mister , " she said . She grabbed the pack at her feet and popped open the door , walking over in the parking lot next to the roadway . When she got there , she looked north and south along the road , wondering what to do next . " Listen , it 's going to be dark in a couple of hours and there isn 't any place in town to take you in . You don 't have any place to go and the sheriff will bust you for vagrancy if he finds you sleeping out on a store front somewhere . I 've got a guesthouse at my place and I can put you up for the night if you want , " he offered . She contemplated his offer for about two seconds before deciding the chance to sleep in an actual bed and take an actual shower appealed to her more than trying to find a place to sleep out again . For all I know , he could be a serial killer , weird axe murderer or some pervert , but I just don 't get that vibe from him she thought and made her choice . She hopped back off the sidewalk and got back into the vehicle . " Just for the night . " Cindy had spent a restless night sleeping off and on , worrying about her newfound " friend " from the previous night . Not that she didn 't trust him , but she just didn 't … trust him fully . But she had a plan for that as well . She carried a claw hammer in her bag just in case and had slept with it under her pillow that night , waking up at the strangest sound and slightest creak of the cabin and grabbing it every time in case she needed to use it . But the night had passed without incident and she wondered what kind of situation she was getting into . Plus , she wondered if she should tell him what brought her to this small farm in East Tennessee . It was going to be daybreak soon and she could see the early morning gray associated with just before the sun began to rise . She rose out of the bed , feeling somewhat uncomfortable wearing the clothing of the man 's dead wife , but until she could get inside and grab her own clothing , she was kind of stuck with it . She looked in the mirror and saw the dark rings under her eyes from the restless night she spent and decided she didn 't need to worry that much about it next time . Her life was in her own hands now and she needed to start thinking on that level . She had a shudder at the thought of what she had been in before and decided it wasn 't so bad being in this strange bedroom in a strange place and with a stranger watching over her . She contemplated taking another shower and decided it would be better if she get it out of the way quickly before getting underway that day . " Absolutely , " said Mitch as they entered the kitchen . He grabbed a cup since this was not the first visit to the farm he had done before . Lifelong friends since kindergarten , the two got along great and often bounced ideas off each other . Mitch fought against the corruption so evident in a small county sheriff and had very few people in the area he could call a true friend . Charlie was one of the few that he could rely on , thick or thin . But by and large , the county appreciated what he did and had reelected him into his position again by a large majority . " One of the deputies called in sick . His wife and kid are down with a stomach bug so I 'm filling in on his shift today . Plus your call has me curious , " said Mitch as he poured a cup of coffee . " Eight O ' clock brand ? " " Yeah , decided to give it a try after I had that cup at the courthouse . Smells rich , " said Charlie . " Found something in Erwin that has me kind of curious . Young girl , runaway I think . No story to speak of and not from around here either . Says she is from Cleveland Ohio , but her accent is kind of New England . Won 't talk , but looks scared to death at what she came from , " said Charlie . " No , I don 't think she 's any of those . She doesn 't fit the profile or at least for now . Maybe down the road , but not at the moment . You know me , I like to help people , " said Charlie . " I can send out a ping with her name and address , but thousands of young girls go missing each year . Like searching for a needle in a haystack , but we could get lucky . However , without a decent address , we aren 't going to get that lucky , " said Mitch . " Name ? " Charlie turned and looked where Mitch was motioning his head and sure enough , Cindy was coming through the yard towards the back door . " Yeah , that 's her . She was probably going to sneak out quietly . " " I do and if it was anyone else , I wouldn 't believe them . But yes Charlie , you 're a good guy and wouldn 't take advantage of the situation . Annie , God rest her soul , would come back and haunt you for the rest of your life and you wouldn 't forgive yourself in the first place , " said Mitch . " I am helping you . But you won 't talk to me so I had no other choice . I think you need help , but for the life of me I don 't know what kind . He can help with whatever problems you have . Trust me , I 've known Mitch Brewer my whole life and if there is anyone who can help you , it 's him , " said Charlie patiently . " Thanks , but no thanks . I 'm leaving , " she said and went into the laundry room to grab her items . She was intercepted by Mitch . " Listen young lady . Charlie Gray is a downright great guy and I trust him without question . If he says you are in trouble and in need of help , I 'm going to give it to him . Now we can do this the easy way or the hard way , " said the Sheriff . She continued to look at them with a tear streaming down her face . She had no idea if these two could help her and she immediately distrusted any law enforcement since they had been no help before . She had no idea what to do except escape once again when the cir * * * stances would let her . She had no idea neither one of the men would let her . " Negative , I 've got Charlie with me , " said Mitch into the radio . He turned back to Cindy and softened his look . " Want to start at the top ? " Cindy sat down at the table and started talking . Who she was , where she came from , how long it took her to get here and what drove her away to start with . She was fifteen years old and from a small community near Rochester New York . And she had another name as well for him to put out on the computer systems , Haseena Hassan . Her father had converted over to Islam three years prior and drug his family along with him including his children . But that 's where the problems just started . Her father had fallen in with a radical Imam preaching in a small community in upstate New York and his leanings were now closer to being on the dangerous fringe rather than in moderation which many practiced . Upon moving his family closer to the congregation , he also forced the new name change to Hassan and gave the remainder of his children new Islamic names . She had a younger brother and sister and he started enforcing a strict Islamic dress code . The school where they lived was a private one and closed to females of all types . There weren 't that many girl children around , but all were forced to wear the traditional hijab and the full length abaya , and some were even forced to wear the niqāb if their father enforced the strict dress code . And her father was one of those strict fundamentalists who decided his daughter would be hidden from public view at all times . And he started treating his daughters and wife differently . Physical abuse was not uncommon along with punishments for minor transgressions . " But that 's not why I left . My father told me I was to be married to a man in the congregation , the Imam . He is forty - seven years old and my father told me I was to marry him and keep him happy as it was what Allah wanted , " she cried , thinking over what had happened the previous week . " I KNOW ! " she exclaimed through tears . " Why come all the way to Tennessee though ? Why not go to the police up there ? " asked Charlie . " I didn 't think of going to them . I managed to steal some money out of my father 's wallet and some old clothing from my mother and run away two nights before I was to be wed to him . I caught a ride to the nearest bus stop and headed south from there . I managed to make it to near Roanoke before the money ran out and I managed to hitch rides from there . I had made it to this town when Charlie found me , " said Cindy crying . " I 've got no reason to doubt her , " said Mitch , thinking of what had been said . " I mean , the story could be made up , but it 's not . I can 't tell you why except that little hunch I 've got . " " I don 't know . Just the funny feeling I get . I 'd rather do it from one of the State terminals at the Troopers ' office or in Johnson City myself . Preferably a place they can 't easily track , " said Mitch . " I 'm thinking I might not like what kind of answers I get if we get a hit , " said Mitch . " And let 's just play this out . Let 's say for a moment what she told us was true . Her parents are going to want to come get her or we bring her to them . Now I ain 't about to take some young girl who should be worried about a prom date back to be married to some dirty old man . I put her name out across the TBI terminal and it comes back with a hit , especially if she was reported missing . The hit is traced back to my office . It gives them a place to start looking . And I 'd rather keep her under wraps until we can figure out what she said is true . " " I 'm rarely shocked in my life . Can 't say I 've seen everything , but not too many things in this life surprise me . But I will admit this is in my top three if it pans out , " said Mitch . " No … well , I don 't know . Depends on how you look at it . I mean , political asylum means you are escaping a place because of your political beliefs and whatnot . Religion is in there as well I think . I mean , she doesn 't want to be in her current environment . But anyway , it 's about whether or not the State is allowing it to happen , " said Mitch . " Finish the dishes like you promised , " he chuckled and grabbed a planner with numbers in the contacts list . He found the number he wanted after looking through several pages . Grabbing the cordless phone , he walked outside and dialed the number . " Mayor says this place is as good as any , but I didn 't give him specifics . His quote : ' that Charlie Gray guy is as good as anyone even if he 's not on the list . ' It 'll take me at least two days to find a decent foster home in any case , so I think you are qualified . I 'll have the county sign off on your paperwork today declaring you as a foster home and make this legal , " said Mitch . " First off , we 're working on it . Gonna take some time , but patience is a virtue . In the meantime , do you have a place to stay ? " he asked , knowing the answer in advance . " Well , that 's an option , but not one I 'm particularly comfortable with . I mean , you 're a pretty young girl and I happen to be single . Lots of rumors get started that way , " he said . " Okay , as long as you 're comfortable with it , " said Charlie . " But I have a few ground rules if you plan on staying . Sure , you 're my guest , but you have to earn your keep around here . " " You have to work hard , if you don 't know how to do it , I 'll show you . You keep up with your school lessons if and when you happen to still be around when school starts . And you mind your manners . You may think you 're sassy and stubborn , but you 'll find me the most stubborn mule this side of the Mississippi . I ain 't gonna yell at you , beat you or nothing like that , but I do expect you to mind your manners ' round me . Can you accept this ? " asked Charlie . " I 'm kind of sassy , I know . My father calls it impudent , but anyway . Can you bear it a little ? I 'll try to watch myself , but please let me know if I step out of bounds , " she asked . " Charlie , I 've been missing you lately . You haven 't come into town like you used to , " said Mary , turning back to Charlie and pretty much ignoring Cindy . It was fairly obvious who the object of Mary 's attention was by the eyes she flashed at Charlie . " Not what Barb or Julie says . They said they haven 't seen you in a month of Sundays , " said Mary . " You need to stop by a little more often . " " You know where to find me . I 'm always at the drug store , " said Mary . " Funny I ran into you here in Johnson City though . I was on a trip to Kingsport to pick up some stuff for the store and I remembered I was out of sugar . And wouldn 't you believe it , but the IGA Store was out of the ten pound bags of sugar . I never buy those five pound bags , just don 't seem to last . So I saw the Wal - Mart on my way off the highway and figured I 'd give them a try . It 's cheaper at the old Whites , but the manager said he didn 't know when they were getting more in and I don 't want to wait . I mean , it would end up being like that time we all had to wait on the big cans of JFG Coffee and they didn 't get it in for six months . But anyway , I remembered I needed more sugar and I was out this way and - " " Uncle Charlie ? We 've got that roast in the oven , " said Cindy , politely interrupting and seeing the expression on Charlie 's face . She barely knew him , but the expression of " help me " was the same the world over . " Yeah , we do . Hate to cut it short Mary , but we 've got to get running . Cindy here is cooking up a roast and we just came out for a quick trip , " he said . " Well , don 't you be a stranger . You swing on by and sit down for a glass of tea , " said Mary . " Nice to meet you . " " Okay , ham it is , " laughed Charlie . The drive back to the farm was spent talking once again and once they returned , Cindy changed clothes to do the chores he had requested she do . Had she refused , he would have ended up doing it himself , but she had " volunteered " and came into the barn in her new work clothing . " Take from the back , the part closest to the wall and move it on over to the door . The neighbors are coming by to pick them up tomorrow . You can help load then too if you want , " said Charlie . He went back to sharpening the blades taken from a riding lawnmower and watched her out of the corner of his eye . She initially tried carrying it up and down , but failed as it continued to slip out of her hands . She tried lengthwise as well and found she couldn 't grip her hands around the bale . Eventually she remembered having the gloves stuffed into the cargo pocket of the BDU pants she had on and grabbed it by the wire and managed to get it over to the doorway . Finding the best way of carrying it took several tries , but she seemed to have a good system going after the first five . But it wasn 't easy work as she grunted at attempting to lift the bales and carry them over . She noticed he was watching her carefully , although not being obvious about it . " I am unsure of that . One of our patrols asked us to run it by name and date of birth . We came back with a hit , " said Mitch . " I 'll be in touch with the New York authorities , " said Mitch as he ended the call . He felt a chill run down her spine as her father had all but verified the claims she had made . He would have to check further , but there was a good chance the claim of the arranged marriage was real . A fifteen year old could make up a lot of stories , but this was one that typically wouldn 't enter their mind unless there was some truth to the matter . Such an outlandish tale could easily be refuted until an official investigation was made . And until such time , Mitch would ensure she was protected as was his job as Sheriff . Mohammed Hassan looked at the phone and the fast dial tone it was beeping at him since he had yet to hang up . He wasn 't sure if the person who called was who they claimed to be and had been prying a little too much for his tastes . He put the phone on the receiver and thought about the conversation he had just had . Mohammed Hassan , formerly known as Stephen Grant was living in a small planned community of Muslims in upstate New York . He had practiced many forms of religion before deciding Islam was his preferred choice in his life , but had one thing in common with each of them . Each religion he practiced he took his zeal to new levels . While many were content to live their lives in full devotion to God 's work , Stephen Grant went above and beyond practicing the religion in complete control of his life , and in turn his family 's life and any other life he could preach it to . His devotion to whatever religion he happened to be practicing bordered on fanatical and relentless in his pursuit of demanding others believe what he believed . But all his life he had searched for more than just what Judaism , Christianity , Catholicism , Buddhism and others were teaching . He finally found what he was looking for three years prior in the form of Islam and immediately converted and changed his life to the calling of Allah and Mohammed his prophet . But he still wasn 't content until he fell in with the group in New York . The extreme teaching of the Imam there made him realize even the more moderate groups of Muslims in the United States had fallen away from the true faith . And so he had packed up his family and moved to the small community near Rochester . Being secluded from the main city , they had the freedom to practice the highly volatile version of Islam without interference from the outside and to train new warriors for the coming fight he predicted . His wife , two daughters and son had been given new names in accordance with his religion and he had forced the conversion of them all . And the conduct of the women would have been considered harsh even by the Taliban standards . His wife and two daughters were always fully clothed from head to toe and nobody was able to see their faces . His son was being taught the proper role of a Muslim male in the private school and he had hopes to send him off to the more advanced school in Pakistan later in his life . But the phone call had him worried . His eldest daughter had disappeared one night not to be seen again . The local law enforcement had been contacted and a report filed , but they had not seen her since she slipped away quietly one night . But for her to turn up in California was unusual . She had been resistant to the teachings of the community since their arrival and had been punished on several occasions for impudence . She was being stubborn , much like he was , but it was her role to be obedient in the community and a roll she needed to learn . His wife had admitted to missing some clothing after a savage beating by him and the members of the community , but had no other knowledge of her leaving . But then again , it wasn 't completely unexpected as she had already gone to the police attempting to stop the planned marriage to the Imam . But being good members of the faith , they had reported her behavior to him and the Imam and she had been dealt with . But one thing was for certain , his daughter needed to be brought back to the fold before she dishonored his family . He needed her pure for the Imam 's wishes and the longer she was away , there was more of a chance of her being compromised . Plus the added attention given by law enforcement peeking in on what was going on and the State social workers stood a good chance of wrecking the harmony of the community . The alarm went off at 5 : 00 AM as it always did . Charlie was the kind of person who could be up and at the world within fifteen seconds of the alarm going off . He stretched out his arms over his head and rolled over to look at the picture of Annie as he always did . And as always he wondered what his life would have been like had she still been alive . His daughter would have been in school by now had everything that transpired not happened . He rolled out of bed and grabbed at the shirt sitting on the chair next to the bed . He had no serious plans for the day as the hay bales had taken care of themselves yesterday , well , not by themselves , but he did like having the " hired hand " around to help out . Besides the neighbors coming over to grab the hay bales and the trip to the grocery store , he had no serious plans . The chickens needed to be fed , coops cleaned out and the fields checked on , but nothing more serious than that . Just a lazy Saturday for a change . But Charlie was one of those people who tended to make work for himself rather than just sit around . He walked downstairs and put on a pot of coffee and took in the morning , watching the sun come up from the east in vibrant reds , oranges and yellows . He thought to go out and wake up Cindy , but she needed her rest after her work yesterday . She wasn 't used to the hard labor farming often entailed and he needed to take it a bit easier on her since she could get hurt without conditioning into it first . Since there wasn 't anything serious on the horizon that day , she could take the day to rest up . And of course there was Sunday and church . He wasn 't sure how to approach her about it and decided to make it her choice . She had enough religion shoved on her from her family so she claimed , and he didn 't want to add to that if he could avoid it . But he had no idea what to do with her while he went to church . He would play that by ear as it came up . The coffee was sputtering into the pot and he had enough for a cup . Pouring it out , he went outside to the chicken coops and checked on his flock . He didn 't keep many chickens around , but enough to keep him in eggs , fresh meat and some extra to sell at the farmer 's market from time to time . It was still fairly early for them but once he appeared , they knew it was morning time and came out of the coop and into the pen area . He tossed out the cracked corn and they went slightly nuts as they typically did . His rooster would typically lead the charge into the feed but this morning was behind the rest of the group as he peeked out of the coops . Charlie checked the coops for fresh eggs and found several hens had laid in the past day . Not wanting the eggs to go to waste , he gathered them up and decided on eggs and bacon for breakfast this morning . The flock was still outside , making quite the racket as they typically did and scratching around in the pen at the feed . The coops could wait until the afternoon to be cleaned out and he had good plans to put the old straw and shavings into the garden plot he wasn 't using that year . By the next year , it would be fertilized very well and should produce his record crops as he always did . " No objections from me , " she said and looked at the chickens . The Rhode Island Reds continued scratching at the feed he had put out and ignored her for the most part except one . It wandered over to her and looked up with its head * * * * ed at an angle as chickens do . Eventually it went back to scratching in the dirt for the feed . " They are kind of cute . " " Well , the Reynolds ' are coming over this morning to pick up their hay and I 've got some further arranging to do in the barn . Grocery store this afternoon and hadn 't planned on supper just yet . Anything on your mind ? " he asked . " Okay , I 'll give you that , " said Charlie as he finished up in the coops and headed back to the house with Cindy in tow . The eggs were placed in the refrigerator except for five he kept out for breakfast . He grabbed the bacon from the bottom drawer and set it out on the counter along with the mixing for the biscuits . She watched him intently as she was not used to having a man around to do the kitchen work . But at the same time , she wanted to do something and asked to help . She measured out the portion for four of them and started mixing everything up while he got the stove ready for the bacon and the eggs . They sat in silence as he really had no idea what to say about then , but was curious about her to say the least . He wondered how Mark 's quest for information went yesterday and figured he would be getting paid a visit from his friend . Cindy was busy getting herself messy and making up the dough for the biscuits while he got everything else ready . She did happen to notice he had the eggs from the coops that morning . " Eggs in the supermarket come from the same place these do . These just happen to be quite a bit fresher than the ones you get from there . Trust me , don 't knock this until you try it . Best eggs you 'll ever have , " he said . " Wax paper is in the next drawer down and … hold on , " said Charlie after seeing her hands . She had been kneading the dough by hand and had the sticky mess all over herself . He grabbed the roller , wax paper and the biscuit cutter and set them on the table for her . She went back to what she was doing and started rolling out the dough , making quite the mess in the process . He remarked at the scene as well . " Suppose so , " he said as he watched her cut the four biscuits out and set them off to the side . There was only a little left over and she got ready to through it away . " Hold on , I 'll toss that in as well . " " Fried will be okay , " she said . He added in the other two in the pan , cutting at the sides to keep them where they were supposed to be . While they were cooking up , he went to the fridge and grabbed the milk , butter and jelly and set them on the table . The eggs were finally finished and he set everything out on the table while she got the items from the stove , making work for herself since she felt quite useless at that moment . He said the blessing and they began to fix everything for the meal . She tried the bacon first and found it acceptable , the biscuits she couldn 't complain about since she was the one that prepared them , but had yet to try the eggs . She finally figured out she couldn 't avoid it and wondered what the local hospital was like after she contracted salmonella . But much to her surprise , the eggs were outstanding . He stopped and set back from the table , thinking of the question . " Cindy , I 've seen a lot of crazy things in my life . Heard of things even crazier . But never in my life would I ever have imagined something like this going on in the United States , much less figure on meeting someone it happened to in upper East Tennessee . I 've got no reason to doubt you , but you have to understand , it is kind of farfetched . " " It 's an ' I 'm going to wait and see . ' I 've got no reason to doubt your story at all . I take things I hear at face value unless I know for a fact the person is lying . I think you are telling the truth . I 've got no reason not to believe you do I ? " he asked . He thought about the questions and couldn 't come up with a decent answer right then . He had no idea why he was doing it . " Dunno , just felt like the right thing to do , " he finally answered . It was a good enough answer for the moment and his feelings were something he never questioned . " No problem , " he said , still wondering what exactly made him stop that night . It was a question he hadn 't really thought about until that time and needed to think on it more later when he could be alone . The telephone ringing broke him out of his concentration and he went over to answer it .
|
Funny thing about a spark . Typically it just burns for a split second and goes away quietly . Millions , perhaps billions of sparks happen daily and nothing ever happens . They just illuminate quickly and go away , just as quickly . Nobody ever gives them a second thought . But sometimes that spark comes in contact with a volatile material and ignites it . We sometimes do our best to avoid them , like explosive workers . But sometimes that spark just happens to come in contact with said volatile material and an explosion happens . Call it destiny or happenstance ; it happens no matter what precautions we take . We can do everything on the planet to prevent that spark , but sometimes it just happens whether we want it to or not . And in other times , people feel the need to pour gasoline on the pile of sweating dynamite while lighting a cigar and talking on their cell phone … He studied her with a knowing look and peered into her eyes . The eyes were always told of how old a person was , how much they had seen and furthermore , what they happened to be thinking . " How old did you say you were ? " " Again , kind of young to be smoking , but it 's your lungs , " he said as he dug in his pocket and grabbed at the lighter he carried there . He cupped his hand and lit the cigarette as she puffed at it . He took the time to notice she didn 't inhale and rather puffed at it without drawing in the smoke . " Just letting you know , " he said and turned to walk back to his truck . He put the groceries in the lockbox in the bed and unlocked the door . After getting inside , he took a second look at the girl waiting near the doorway , continually looking around the parking lot and at the people going in and out of the store like she was waiting on something or someone . He started the vehicle and put it into gear before taking another look at her . When he looked into her eyes a few moments ago , he also noticed she had a look of fear , of anxiousness and of a need for help . She was scared , but he had no idea of who or what . He could have dialed up the Erwin Police and sent out a unit to check on her and debated that for a moment . But in the end , sighed and decided to figure out what she needed before making any judgment calls . He drove back to the entrance , her eyes following him the whole way . " You want to buckle up ? " he asked as he pulled away from the door . She grabbed at the seatbelt and pulled it over , locking it in place . " So , where you from ? " She laughed at the comment and looked out the window at the trees passing by on the two lane highway . The look of fear had disappeared from her face , but the anxiousness still was in her eyes . The remainder of the drive was spent in silence from Erwin to Unicoi Tennessee . He eventually reached his turn off spot by Jones Hardware and came to a stop . " I 'm turning towards home from here , " he said . " Well , thanks for the ride Mister , " she said . She grabbed the pack at her feet and popped open the door , walking over in the parking lot next to the roadway . When she got there , she looked north and south along the road , wondering what to do next . " Listen , it 's going to be dark in a couple of hours and there isn 't any place in town to take you in . You don 't have any place to go and the sheriff will bust you for vagrancy if he finds you sleeping out on a store front somewhere . I 've got a guesthouse at my place and I can put you up for the night if you want , " he offered . She contemplated his offer for about two seconds before deciding the chance to sleep in an actual bed and take an actual shower appealed to her more than trying to find a place to sleep out again . For all I know , he could be a serial killer , weird axe murderer or some pervert , but I just don 't get that vibe from him she thought and made her choice . She hopped back off the sidewalk and got back into the vehicle . " Just for the night . " Cindy had spent a restless night sleeping off and on , worrying about her newfound " friend " from the previous night . Not that she didn 't trust him , but she just didn 't … trust him fully . But she had a plan for that as well . She carried a claw hammer in her bag just in case and had slept with it under her pillow that night , waking up at the strangest sound and slightest creak of the cabin and grabbing it every time in case she needed to use it . But the night had passed without incident and she wondered what kind of situation she was getting into . Plus , she wondered if she should tell him what brought her to this small farm in East Tennessee . It was going to be daybreak soon and she could see the early morning gray associated with just before the sun began to rise . She rose out of the bed , feeling somewhat uncomfortable wearing the clothing of the man 's dead wife , but until she could get inside and grab her own clothing , she was kind of stuck with it . She looked in the mirror and saw the dark rings under her eyes from the restless night she spent and decided she didn 't need to worry that much about it next time . Her life was in her own hands now and she needed to start thinking on that level . She had a shudder at the thought of what she had been in before and decided it wasn 't so bad being in this strange bedroom in a strange place and with a stranger watching over her . She contemplated taking another shower and decided it would be better if she get it out of the way quickly before getting underway that day . " Absolutely , " said Mitch as they entered the kitchen . He grabbed a cup since this was not the first visit to the farm he had done before . Lifelong friends since kindergarten , the two got along great and often bounced ideas off each other . Mitch fought against the corruption so evident in a small county sheriff and had very few people in the area he could call a true friend . Charlie was one of the few that he could rely on , thick or thin . But by and large , the county appreciated what he did and had reelected him into his position again by a large majority . " One of the deputies called in sick . His wife and kid are down with a stomach bug so I 'm filling in on his shift today . Plus your call has me curious , " said Mitch as he poured a cup of coffee . " Eight O ' clock brand ? " " Yeah , decided to give it a try after I had that cup at the courthouse . Smells rich , " said Charlie . " Found something in Erwin that has me kind of curious . Young girl , runaway I think . No story to speak of and not from around here either . Says she is from Cleveland Ohio , but her accent is kind of New England . Won 't talk , but looks scared to death at what she came from , " said Charlie . " No , I don 't think she 's any of those . She doesn 't fit the profile or at least for now . Maybe down the road , but not at the moment . You know me , I like to help people , " said Charlie . " I can send out a ping with her name and address , but thousands of young girls go missing each year . Like searching for a needle in a haystack , but we could get lucky . However , without a decent address , we aren 't going to get that lucky , " said Mitch . " Name ? " Charlie turned and looked where Mitch was motioning his head and sure enough , Cindy was coming through the yard towards the back door . " Yeah , that 's her . She was probably going to sneak out quietly . " " I do and if it was anyone else , I wouldn 't believe them . But yes Charlie , you 're a good guy and wouldn 't take advantage of the situation . Annie , God rest her soul , would come back and haunt you for the rest of your life and you wouldn 't forgive yourself in the first place , " said Mitch . " I am helping you . But you won 't talk to me so I had no other choice . I think you need help , but for the life of me I don 't know what kind . He can help with whatever problems you have . Trust me , I 've known Mitch Brewer my whole life and if there is anyone who can help you , it 's him , " said Charlie patiently . " Thanks , but no thanks . I 'm leaving , " she said and went into the laundry room to grab her items . She was intercepted by Mitch . " Listen young lady . Charlie Gray is a downright great guy and I trust him without question . If he says you are in trouble and in need of help , I 'm going to give it to him . Now we can do this the easy way or the hard way , " said the Sheriff . She continued to look at them with a tear streaming down her face . She had no idea if these two could help her and she immediately distrusted any law enforcement since they had been no help before . She had no idea what to do except escape once again when the cir * * * stances would let her . She had no idea neither one of the men would let her . " Negative , I 've got Charlie with me , " said Mitch into the radio . He turned back to Cindy and softened his look . " Want to start at the top ? " Cindy sat down at the table and started talking . Who she was , where she came from , how long it took her to get here and what drove her away to start with . She was fifteen years old and from a small community near Rochester New York . And she had another name as well for him to put out on the computer systems , Haseena Hassan . Her father had converted over to Islam three years prior and drug his family along with him including his children . But that 's where the problems just started . Her father had fallen in with a radical Imam preaching in a small community in upstate New York and his leanings were now closer to being on the dangerous fringe rather than in moderation which many practiced . Upon moving his family closer to the congregation , he also forced the new name change to Hassan and gave the remainder of his children new Islamic names . She had a younger brother and sister and he started enforcing a strict Islamic dress code . The school where they lived was a private one and closed to females of all types . There weren 't that many girl children around , but all were forced to wear the traditional hijab and the full length abaya , and some were even forced to wear the niqāb if their father enforced the strict dress code . And her father was one of those strict fundamentalists who decided his daughter would be hidden from public view at all times . And he started treating his daughters and wife differently . Physical abuse was not uncommon along with punishments for minor transgressions . " But that 's not why I left . My father told me I was to be married to a man in the congregation , the Imam . He is forty - seven years old and my father told me I was to marry him and keep him happy as it was what Allah wanted , " she cried , thinking over what had happened the previous week . " I KNOW ! " she exclaimed through tears . " Why come all the way to Tennessee though ? Why not go to the police up there ? " asked Charlie . " I didn 't think of going to them . I managed to steal some money out of my father 's wallet and some old clothing from my mother and run away two nights before I was to be wed to him . I caught a ride to the nearest bus stop and headed south from there . I managed to make it to near Roanoke before the money ran out and I managed to hitch rides from there . I had made it to this town when Charlie found me , " said Cindy crying . " I 've got no reason to doubt her , " said Mitch , thinking of what had been said . " I mean , the story could be made up , but it 's not . I can 't tell you why except that little hunch I 've got . " " I don 't know . Just the funny feeling I get . I 'd rather do it from one of the State terminals at the Troopers ' office or in Johnson City myself . Preferably a place they can 't easily track , " said Mitch . " I 'm thinking I might not like what kind of answers I get if we get a hit , " said Mitch . " And let 's just play this out . Let 's say for a moment what she told us was true . Her parents are going to want to come get her or we bring her to them . Now I ain 't about to take some young girl who should be worried about a prom date back to be married to some dirty old man . I put her name out across the TBI terminal and it comes back with a hit , especially if she was reported missing . The hit is traced back to my office . It gives them a place to start looking . And I 'd rather keep her under wraps until we can figure out what she said is true . " " I 'm rarely shocked in my life . Can 't say I 've seen everything , but not too many things in this life surprise me . But I will admit this is in my top three if it pans out , " said Mitch . " No … well , I don 't know . Depends on how you look at it . I mean , political asylum means you are escaping a place because of your political beliefs and whatnot . Religion is in there as well I think . I mean , she doesn 't want to be in her current environment . But anyway , it 's about whether or not the State is allowing it to happen , " said Mitch . " Finish the dishes like you promised , " he chuckled and grabbed a planner with numbers in the contacts list . He found the number he wanted after looking through several pages . Grabbing the cordless phone , he walked outside and dialed the number . " Mayor says this place is as good as any , but I didn 't give him specifics . His quote : ' that Charlie Gray guy is as good as anyone even if he 's not on the list . ' It 'll take me at least two days to find a decent foster home in any case , so I think you are qualified . I 'll have the county sign off on your paperwork today declaring you as a foster home and make this legal , " said Mitch . " First off , we 're working on it . Gonna take some time , but patience is a virtue . In the meantime , do you have a place to stay ? " he asked , knowing the answer in advance . " Well , that 's an option , but not one I 'm particularly comfortable with . I mean , you 're a pretty young girl and I happen to be single . Lots of rumors get started that way , " he said . " Okay , as long as you 're comfortable with it , " said Charlie . " But I have a few ground rules if you plan on staying . Sure , you 're my guest , but you have to earn your keep around here . " " You have to work hard , if you don 't know how to do it , I 'll show you . You keep up with your school lessons if and when you happen to still be around when school starts . And you mind your manners . You may think you 're sassy and stubborn , but you 'll find me the most stubborn mule this side of the Mississippi . I ain 't gonna yell at you , beat you or nothing like that , but I do expect you to mind your manners ' round me . Can you accept this ? " asked Charlie . " I 'm kind of sassy , I know . My father calls it impudent , but anyway . Can you bear it a little ? I 'll try to watch myself , but please let me know if I step out of bounds , " she asked . " Charlie , I 've been missing you lately . You haven 't come into town like you used to , " said Mary , turning back to Charlie and pretty much ignoring Cindy . It was fairly obvious who the object of Mary 's attention was by the eyes she flashed at Charlie . " Not what Barb or Julie says . They said they haven 't seen you in a month of Sundays , " said Mary . " You need to stop by a little more often . " " You know where to find me . I 'm always at the drug store , " said Mary . " Funny I ran into you here in Johnson City though . I was on a trip to Kingsport to pick up some stuff for the store and I remembered I was out of sugar . And wouldn 't you believe it , but the IGA Store was out of the ten pound bags of sugar . I never buy those five pound bags , just don 't seem to last . So I saw the Wal - Mart on my way off the highway and figured I 'd give them a try . It 's cheaper at the old Whites , but the manager said he didn 't know when they were getting more in and I don 't want to wait . I mean , it would end up being like that time we all had to wait on the big cans of JFG Coffee and they didn 't get it in for six months . But anyway , I remembered I needed more sugar and I was out this way and - " " Uncle Charlie ? We 've got that roast in the oven , " said Cindy , politely interrupting and seeing the expression on Charlie 's face . She barely knew him , but the expression of " help me " was the same the world over . " Yeah , we do . Hate to cut it short Mary , but we 've got to get running . Cindy here is cooking up a roast and we just came out for a quick trip , " he said . " Well , don 't you be a stranger . You swing on by and sit down for a glass of tea , " said Mary . " Nice to meet you . " " Okay , ham it is , " laughed Charlie . The drive back to the farm was spent talking once again and once they returned , Cindy changed clothes to do the chores he had requested she do . Had she refused , he would have ended up doing it himself , but she had " volunteered " and came into the barn in her new work clothing . " Take from the back , the part closest to the wall and move it on over to the door . The neighbors are coming by to pick them up tomorrow . You can help load then too if you want , " said Charlie . He went back to sharpening the blades taken from a riding lawnmower and watched her out of the corner of his eye . She initially tried carrying it up and down , but failed as it continued to slip out of her hands . She tried lengthwise as well and found she couldn 't grip her hands around the bale . Eventually she remembered having the gloves stuffed into the cargo pocket of the BDU pants she had on and grabbed it by the wire and managed to get it over to the doorway . Finding the best way of carrying it took several tries , but she seemed to have a good system going after the first five . But it wasn 't easy work as she grunted at attempting to lift the bales and carry them over . She noticed he was watching her carefully , although not being obvious about it . " I am unsure of that . One of our patrols asked us to run it by name and date of birth . We came back with a hit , " said Mitch . " I 'll be in touch with the New York authorities , " said Mitch as he ended the call . He felt a chill run down her spine as her father had all but verified the claims she had made . He would have to check further , but there was a good chance the claim of the arranged marriage was real . A fifteen year old could make up a lot of stories , but this was one that typically wouldn 't enter their mind unless there was some truth to the matter . Such an outlandish tale could easily be refuted until an official investigation was made . And until such time , Mitch would ensure she was protected as was his job as Sheriff . Mohammed Hassan looked at the phone and the fast dial tone it was beeping at him since he had yet to hang up . He wasn 't sure if the person who called was who they claimed to be and had been prying a little too much for his tastes . He put the phone on the receiver and thought about the conversation he had just had . Mohammed Hassan , formerly known as Stephen Grant was living in a small planned community of Muslims in upstate New York . He had practiced many forms of religion before deciding Islam was his preferred choice in his life , but had one thing in common with each of them . Each religion he practiced he took his zeal to new levels . While many were content to live their lives in full devotion to God 's work , Stephen Grant went above and beyond practicing the religion in complete control of his life , and in turn his family 's life and any other life he could preach it to . His devotion to whatever religion he happened to be practicing bordered on fanatical and relentless in his pursuit of demanding others believe what he believed . But all his life he had searched for more than just what Judaism , Christianity , Catholicism , Buddhism and others were teaching . He finally found what he was looking for three years prior in the form of Islam and immediately converted and changed his life to the calling of Allah and Mohammed his prophet . But he still wasn 't content until he fell in with the group in New York . The extreme teaching of the Imam there made him realize even the more moderate groups of Muslims in the United States had fallen away from the true faith . And so he had packed up his family and moved to the small community near Rochester . Being secluded from the main city , they had the freedom to practice the highly volatile version of Islam without interference from the outside and to train new warriors for the coming fight he predicted . His wife , two daughters and son had been given new names in accordance with his religion and he had forced the conversion of them all . And the conduct of the women would have been considered harsh even by the Taliban standards . His wife and two daughters were always fully clothed from head to toe and nobody was able to see their faces . His son was being taught the proper role of a Muslim male in the private school and he had hopes to send him off to the more advanced school in Pakistan later in his life . But the phone call had him worried . His eldest daughter had disappeared one night not to be seen again . The local law enforcement had been contacted and a report filed , but they had not seen her since she slipped away quietly one night . But for her to turn up in California was unusual . She had been resistant to the teachings of the community since their arrival and had been punished on several occasions for impudence . She was being stubborn , much like he was , but it was her role to be obedient in the community and a roll she needed to learn . His wife had admitted to missing some clothing after a savage beating by him and the members of the community , but had no other knowledge of her leaving . But then again , it wasn 't completely unexpected as she had already gone to the police attempting to stop the planned marriage to the Imam . But being good members of the faith , they had reported her behavior to him and the Imam and she had been dealt with . But one thing was for certain , his daughter needed to be brought back to the fold before she dishonored his family . He needed her pure for the Imam 's wishes and the longer she was away , there was more of a chance of her being compromised . Plus the added attention given by law enforcement peeking in on what was going on and the State social workers stood a good chance of wrecking the harmony of the community . The alarm went off at 5 : 00 AM as it always did . Charlie was the kind of person who could be up and at the world within fifteen seconds of the alarm going off . He stretched out his arms over his head and rolled over to look at the picture of Annie as he always did . And as always he wondered what his life would have been like had she still been alive . His daughter would have been in school by now had everything that transpired not happened . He rolled out of bed and grabbed at the shirt sitting on the chair next to the bed . He had no serious plans for the day as the hay bales had taken care of themselves yesterday , well , not by themselves , but he did like having the " hired hand " around to help out . Besides the neighbors coming over to grab the hay bales and the trip to the grocery store , he had no serious plans . The chickens needed to be fed , coops cleaned out and the fields checked on , but nothing more serious than that . Just a lazy Saturday for a change . But Charlie was one of those people who tended to make work for himself rather than just sit around . He walked downstairs and put on a pot of coffee and took in the morning , watching the sun come up from the east in vibrant reds , oranges and yellows . He thought to go out and wake up Cindy , but she needed her rest after her work yesterday . She wasn 't used to the hard labor farming often entailed and he needed to take it a bit easier on her since she could get hurt without conditioning into it first . Since there wasn 't anything serious on the horizon that day , she could take the day to rest up . And of course there was Sunday and church . He wasn 't sure how to approach her about it and decided to make it her choice . She had enough religion shoved on her from her family so she claimed , and he didn 't want to add to that if he could avoid it . But he had no idea what to do with her while he went to church . He would play that by ear as it came up . The coffee was sputtering into the pot and he had enough for a cup . Pouring it out , he went outside to the chicken coops and checked on his flock . He didn 't keep many chickens around , but enough to keep him in eggs , fresh meat and some extra to sell at the farmer 's market from time to time . It was still fairly early for them but once he appeared , they knew it was morning time and came out of the coop and into the pen area . He tossed out the cracked corn and they went slightly nuts as they typically did . His rooster would typically lead the charge into the feed but this morning was behind the rest of the group as he peeked out of the coops . Charlie checked the coops for fresh eggs and found several hens had laid in the past day . Not wanting the eggs to go to waste , he gathered them up and decided on eggs and bacon for breakfast this morning . The flock was still outside , making quite the racket as they typically did and scratching around in the pen at the feed . The coops could wait until the afternoon to be cleaned out and he had good plans to put the old straw and shavings into the garden plot he wasn 't using that year . By the next year , it would be fertilized very well and should produce his record crops as he always did . " No objections from me , " she said and looked at the chickens . The Rhode Island Reds continued scratching at the feed he had put out and ignored her for the most part except one . It wandered over to her and looked up with its head * * * * ed at an angle as chickens do . Eventually it went back to scratching in the dirt for the feed . " They are kind of cute . " " Well , the Reynolds ' are coming over this morning to pick up their hay and I 've got some further arranging to do in the barn . Grocery store this afternoon and hadn 't planned on supper just yet . Anything on your mind ? " he asked . " Okay , I 'll give you that , " said Charlie as he finished up in the coops and headed back to the house with Cindy in tow . The eggs were placed in the refrigerator except for five he kept out for breakfast . He grabbed the bacon from the bottom drawer and set it out on the counter along with the mixing for the biscuits . She watched him intently as she was not used to having a man around to do the kitchen work . But at the same time , she wanted to do something and asked to help . She measured out the portion for four of them and started mixing everything up while he got the stove ready for the bacon and the eggs . They sat in silence as he really had no idea what to say about then , but was curious about her to say the least . He wondered how Mark 's quest for information went yesterday and figured he would be getting paid a visit from his friend . Cindy was busy getting herself messy and making up the dough for the biscuits while he got everything else ready . She did happen to notice he had the eggs from the coops that morning . " Eggs in the supermarket come from the same place these do . These just happen to be quite a bit fresher than the ones you get from there . Trust me , don 't knock this until you try it . Best eggs you 'll ever have , " he said . " Wax paper is in the next drawer down and … hold on , " said Charlie after seeing her hands . She had been kneading the dough by hand and had the sticky mess all over herself . He grabbed the roller , wax paper and the biscuit cutter and set them on the table for her . She went back to what she was doing and started rolling out the dough , making quite the mess in the process . He remarked at the scene as well . " Suppose so , " he said as he watched her cut the four biscuits out and set them off to the side . There was only a little left over and she got ready to through it away . " Hold on , I 'll toss that in as well . " " Fried will be okay , " she said . He added in the other two in the pan , cutting at the sides to keep them where they were supposed to be . While they were cooking up , he went to the fridge and grabbed the milk , butter and jelly and set them on the table . The eggs were finally finished and he set everything out on the table while she got the items from the stove , making work for herself since she felt quite useless at that moment . He said the blessing and they began to fix everything for the meal . She tried the bacon first and found it acceptable , the biscuits she couldn 't complain about since she was the one that prepared them , but had yet to try the eggs . She finally figured out she couldn 't avoid it and wondered what the local hospital was like after she contracted salmonella . But much to her surprise , the eggs were outstanding . He stopped and set back from the table , thinking of the question . " Cindy , I 've seen a lot of crazy things in my life . Heard of things even crazier . But never in my life would I ever have imagined something like this going on in the United States , much less figure on meeting someone it happened to in upper East Tennessee . I 've got no reason to doubt you , but you have to understand , it is kind of farfetched . " " It 's an ' I 'm going to wait and see . ' I 've got no reason to doubt your story at all . I take things I hear at face value unless I know for a fact the person is lying . I think you are telling the truth . I 've got no reason not to believe you do I ? " he asked . He thought about the questions and couldn 't come up with a decent answer right then . He had no idea why he was doing it . " Dunno , just felt like the right thing to do , " he finally answered . It was a good enough answer for the moment and his feelings were something he never questioned . " No problem , " he said , still wondering what exactly made him stop that night . It was a question he hadn 't really thought about until that time and needed to think on it more later when he could be alone . The telephone ringing broke him out of his concentration and he went over to answer it .
|
Funny thing about a spark . Typically it just burns for a split second and goes away quietly . Millions , perhaps billions of sparks happen daily and nothing ever happens . They just illuminate quickly and go away , just as quickly . Nobody ever gives them a second thought . But sometimes that spark comes in contact with a volatile material and ignites it . We sometimes do our best to avoid them , like explosive workers . But sometimes that spark just happens to come in contact with said volatile material and an explosion happens . Call it destiny or happenstance ; it happens no matter what precautions we take . We can do everything on the planet to prevent that spark , but sometimes it just happens whether we want it to or not . And in other times , people feel the need to pour gasoline on the pile of sweating dynamite while lighting a cigar and talking on their cell phone … He studied her with a knowing look and peered into her eyes . The eyes were always told of how old a person was , how much they had seen and furthermore , what they happened to be thinking . " How old did you say you were ? " " Again , kind of young to be smoking , but it 's your lungs , " he said as he dug in his pocket and grabbed at the lighter he carried there . He cupped his hand and lit the cigarette as she puffed at it . He took the time to notice she didn 't inhale and rather puffed at it without drawing in the smoke . " Just letting you know , " he said and turned to walk back to his truck . He put the groceries in the lockbox in the bed and unlocked the door . After getting inside , he took a second look at the girl waiting near the doorway , continually looking around the parking lot and at the people going in and out of the store like she was waiting on something or someone . He started the vehicle and put it into gear before taking another look at her . When he looked into her eyes a few moments ago , he also noticed she had a look of fear , of anxiousness and of a need for help . She was scared , but he had no idea of who or what . He could have dialed up the Erwin Police and sent out a unit to check on her and debated that for a moment . But in the end , sighed and decided to figure out what she needed before making any judgment calls . He drove back to the entrance , her eyes following him the whole way . " You want to buckle up ? " he asked as he pulled away from the door . She grabbed at the seatbelt and pulled it over , locking it in place . " So , where you from ? " She laughed at the comment and looked out the window at the trees passing by on the two lane highway . The look of fear had disappeared from her face , but the anxiousness still was in her eyes . The remainder of the drive was spent in silence from Erwin to Unicoi Tennessee . He eventually reached his turn off spot by Jones Hardware and came to a stop . " I 'm turning towards home from here , " he said . " Well , thanks for the ride Mister , " she said . She grabbed the pack at her feet and popped open the door , walking over in the parking lot next to the roadway . When she got there , she looked north and south along the road , wondering what to do next . " Listen , it 's going to be dark in a couple of hours and there isn 't any place in town to take you in . You don 't have any place to go and the sheriff will bust you for vagrancy if he finds you sleeping out on a store front somewhere . I 've got a guesthouse at my place and I can put you up for the night if you want , " he offered . She contemplated his offer for about two seconds before deciding the chance to sleep in an actual bed and take an actual shower appealed to her more than trying to find a place to sleep out again . For all I know , he could be a serial killer , weird axe murderer or some pervert , but I just don 't get that vibe from him she thought and made her choice . She hopped back off the sidewalk and got back into the vehicle . " Just for the night . " Cindy had spent a restless night sleeping off and on , worrying about her newfound " friend " from the previous night . Not that she didn 't trust him , but she just didn 't … trust him fully . But she had a plan for that as well . She carried a claw hammer in her bag just in case and had slept with it under her pillow that night , waking up at the strangest sound and slightest creak of the cabin and grabbing it every time in case she needed to use it . But the night had passed without incident and she wondered what kind of situation she was getting into . Plus , she wondered if she should tell him what brought her to this small farm in East Tennessee . It was going to be daybreak soon and she could see the early morning gray associated with just before the sun began to rise . She rose out of the bed , feeling somewhat uncomfortable wearing the clothing of the man 's dead wife , but until she could get inside and grab her own clothing , she was kind of stuck with it . She looked in the mirror and saw the dark rings under her eyes from the restless night she spent and decided she didn 't need to worry that much about it next time . Her life was in her own hands now and she needed to start thinking on that level . She had a shudder at the thought of what she had been in before and decided it wasn 't so bad being in this strange bedroom in a strange place and with a stranger watching over her . She contemplated taking another shower and decided it would be better if she get it out of the way quickly before getting underway that day . " Absolutely , " said Mitch as they entered the kitchen . He grabbed a cup since this was not the first visit to the farm he had done before . Lifelong friends since kindergarten , the two got along great and often bounced ideas off each other . Mitch fought against the corruption so evident in a small county sheriff and had very few people in the area he could call a true friend . Charlie was one of the few that he could rely on , thick or thin . But by and large , the county appreciated what he did and had reelected him into his position again by a large majority . " One of the deputies called in sick . His wife and kid are down with a stomach bug so I 'm filling in on his shift today . Plus your call has me curious , " said Mitch as he poured a cup of coffee . " Eight O ' clock brand ? " " Yeah , decided to give it a try after I had that cup at the courthouse . Smells rich , " said Charlie . " Found something in Erwin that has me kind of curious . Young girl , runaway I think . No story to speak of and not from around here either . Says she is from Cleveland Ohio , but her accent is kind of New England . Won 't talk , but looks scared to death at what she came from , " said Charlie . " No , I don 't think she 's any of those . She doesn 't fit the profile or at least for now . Maybe down the road , but not at the moment . You know me , I like to help people , " said Charlie . " I can send out a ping with her name and address , but thousands of young girls go missing each year . Like searching for a needle in a haystack , but we could get lucky . However , without a decent address , we aren 't going to get that lucky , " said Mitch . " Name ? " Charlie turned and looked where Mitch was motioning his head and sure enough , Cindy was coming through the yard towards the back door . " Yeah , that 's her . She was probably going to sneak out quietly . " " I do and if it was anyone else , I wouldn 't believe them . But yes Charlie , you 're a good guy and wouldn 't take advantage of the situation . Annie , God rest her soul , would come back and haunt you for the rest of your life and you wouldn 't forgive yourself in the first place , " said Mitch . " I am helping you . But you won 't talk to me so I had no other choice . I think you need help , but for the life of me I don 't know what kind . He can help with whatever problems you have . Trust me , I 've known Mitch Brewer my whole life and if there is anyone who can help you , it 's him , " said Charlie patiently . " Thanks , but no thanks . I 'm leaving , " she said and went into the laundry room to grab her items . She was intercepted by Mitch . " Listen young lady . Charlie Gray is a downright great guy and I trust him without question . If he says you are in trouble and in need of help , I 'm going to give it to him . Now we can do this the easy way or the hard way , " said the Sheriff . She continued to look at them with a tear streaming down her face . She had no idea if these two could help her and she immediately distrusted any law enforcement since they had been no help before . She had no idea what to do except escape once again when the cir * * * stances would let her . She had no idea neither one of the men would let her . " Negative , I 've got Charlie with me , " said Mitch into the radio . He turned back to Cindy and softened his look . " Want to start at the top ? " Cindy sat down at the table and started talking . Who she was , where she came from , how long it took her to get here and what drove her away to start with . She was fifteen years old and from a small community near Rochester New York . And she had another name as well for him to put out on the computer systems , Haseena Hassan . Her father had converted over to Islam three years prior and drug his family along with him including his children . But that 's where the problems just started . Her father had fallen in with a radical Imam preaching in a small community in upstate New York and his leanings were now closer to being on the dangerous fringe rather than in moderation which many practiced . Upon moving his family closer to the congregation , he also forced the new name change to Hassan and gave the remainder of his children new Islamic names . She had a younger brother and sister and he started enforcing a strict Islamic dress code . The school where they lived was a private one and closed to females of all types . There weren 't that many girl children around , but all were forced to wear the traditional hijab and the full length abaya , and some were even forced to wear the niqāb if their father enforced the strict dress code . And her father was one of those strict fundamentalists who decided his daughter would be hidden from public view at all times . And he started treating his daughters and wife differently . Physical abuse was not uncommon along with punishments for minor transgressions . " But that 's not why I left . My father told me I was to be married to a man in the congregation , the Imam . He is forty - seven years old and my father told me I was to marry him and keep him happy as it was what Allah wanted , " she cried , thinking over what had happened the previous week . " I KNOW ! " she exclaimed through tears . " Why come all the way to Tennessee though ? Why not go to the police up there ? " asked Charlie . " I didn 't think of going to them . I managed to steal some money out of my father 's wallet and some old clothing from my mother and run away two nights before I was to be wed to him . I caught a ride to the nearest bus stop and headed south from there . I managed to make it to near Roanoke before the money ran out and I managed to hitch rides from there . I had made it to this town when Charlie found me , " said Cindy crying . " I 've got no reason to doubt her , " said Mitch , thinking of what had been said . " I mean , the story could be made up , but it 's not . I can 't tell you why except that little hunch I 've got . " " I don 't know . Just the funny feeling I get . I 'd rather do it from one of the State terminals at the Troopers ' office or in Johnson City myself . Preferably a place they can 't easily track , " said Mitch . " I 'm thinking I might not like what kind of answers I get if we get a hit , " said Mitch . " And let 's just play this out . Let 's say for a moment what she told us was true . Her parents are going to want to come get her or we bring her to them . Now I ain 't about to take some young girl who should be worried about a prom date back to be married to some dirty old man . I put her name out across the TBI terminal and it comes back with a hit , especially if she was reported missing . The hit is traced back to my office . It gives them a place to start looking . And I 'd rather keep her under wraps until we can figure out what she said is true . " " I 'm rarely shocked in my life . Can 't say I 've seen everything , but not too many things in this life surprise me . But I will admit this is in my top three if it pans out , " said Mitch . " No … well , I don 't know . Depends on how you look at it . I mean , political asylum means you are escaping a place because of your political beliefs and whatnot . Religion is in there as well I think . I mean , she doesn 't want to be in her current environment . But anyway , it 's about whether or not the State is allowing it to happen , " said Mitch . " Finish the dishes like you promised , " he chuckled and grabbed a planner with numbers in the contacts list . He found the number he wanted after looking through several pages . Grabbing the cordless phone , he walked outside and dialed the number . " Mayor says this place is as good as any , but I didn 't give him specifics . His quote : ' that Charlie Gray guy is as good as anyone even if he 's not on the list . ' It 'll take me at least two days to find a decent foster home in any case , so I think you are qualified . I 'll have the county sign off on your paperwork today declaring you as a foster home and make this legal , " said Mitch . " First off , we 're working on it . Gonna take some time , but patience is a virtue . In the meantime , do you have a place to stay ? " he asked , knowing the answer in advance . " Well , that 's an option , but not one I 'm particularly comfortable with . I mean , you 're a pretty young girl and I happen to be single . Lots of rumors get started that way , " he said . " Okay , as long as you 're comfortable with it , " said Charlie . " But I have a few ground rules if you plan on staying . Sure , you 're my guest , but you have to earn your keep around here . " " You have to work hard , if you don 't know how to do it , I 'll show you . You keep up with your school lessons if and when you happen to still be around when school starts . And you mind your manners . You may think you 're sassy and stubborn , but you 'll find me the most stubborn mule this side of the Mississippi . I ain 't gonna yell at you , beat you or nothing like that , but I do expect you to mind your manners ' round me . Can you accept this ? " asked Charlie . " I 'm kind of sassy , I know . My father calls it impudent , but anyway . Can you bear it a little ? I 'll try to watch myself , but please let me know if I step out of bounds , " she asked . " Charlie , I 've been missing you lately . You haven 't come into town like you used to , " said Mary , turning back to Charlie and pretty much ignoring Cindy . It was fairly obvious who the object of Mary 's attention was by the eyes she flashed at Charlie . " Not what Barb or Julie says . They said they haven 't seen you in a month of Sundays , " said Mary . " You need to stop by a little more often . " " You know where to find me . I 'm always at the drug store , " said Mary . " Funny I ran into you here in Johnson City though . I was on a trip to Kingsport to pick up some stuff for the store and I remembered I was out of sugar . And wouldn 't you believe it , but the IGA Store was out of the ten pound bags of sugar . I never buy those five pound bags , just don 't seem to last . So I saw the Wal - Mart on my way off the highway and figured I 'd give them a try . It 's cheaper at the old Whites , but the manager said he didn 't know when they were getting more in and I don 't want to wait . I mean , it would end up being like that time we all had to wait on the big cans of JFG Coffee and they didn 't get it in for six months . But anyway , I remembered I needed more sugar and I was out this way and - " " Uncle Charlie ? We 've got that roast in the oven , " said Cindy , politely interrupting and seeing the expression on Charlie 's face . She barely knew him , but the expression of " help me " was the same the world over . " Yeah , we do . Hate to cut it short Mary , but we 've got to get running . Cindy here is cooking up a roast and we just came out for a quick trip , " he said . " Well , don 't you be a stranger . You swing on by and sit down for a glass of tea , " said Mary . " Nice to meet you . " " Okay , ham it is , " laughed Charlie . The drive back to the farm was spent talking once again and once they returned , Cindy changed clothes to do the chores he had requested she do . Had she refused , he would have ended up doing it himself , but she had " volunteered " and came into the barn in her new work clothing . " Take from the back , the part closest to the wall and move it on over to the door . The neighbors are coming by to pick them up tomorrow . You can help load then too if you want , " said Charlie . He went back to sharpening the blades taken from a riding lawnmower and watched her out of the corner of his eye . She initially tried carrying it up and down , but failed as it continued to slip out of her hands . She tried lengthwise as well and found she couldn 't grip her hands around the bale . Eventually she remembered having the gloves stuffed into the cargo pocket of the BDU pants she had on and grabbed it by the wire and managed to get it over to the doorway . Finding the best way of carrying it took several tries , but she seemed to have a good system going after the first five . But it wasn 't easy work as she grunted at attempting to lift the bales and carry them over . She noticed he was watching her carefully , although not being obvious about it . " I am unsure of that . One of our patrols asked us to run it by name and date of birth . We came back with a hit , " said Mitch . " I 'll be in touch with the New York authorities , " said Mitch as he ended the call . He felt a chill run down her spine as her father had all but verified the claims she had made . He would have to check further , but there was a good chance the claim of the arranged marriage was real . A fifteen year old could make up a lot of stories , but this was one that typically wouldn 't enter their mind unless there was some truth to the matter . Such an outlandish tale could easily be refuted until an official investigation was made . And until such time , Mitch would ensure she was protected as was his job as Sheriff . Mohammed Hassan looked at the phone and the fast dial tone it was beeping at him since he had yet to hang up . He wasn 't sure if the person who called was who they claimed to be and had been prying a little too much for his tastes . He put the phone on the receiver and thought about the conversation he had just had . Mohammed Hassan , formerly known as Stephen Grant was living in a small planned community of Muslims in upstate New York . He had practiced many forms of religion before deciding Islam was his preferred choice in his life , but had one thing in common with each of them . Each religion he practiced he took his zeal to new levels . While many were content to live their lives in full devotion to God 's work , Stephen Grant went above and beyond practicing the religion in complete control of his life , and in turn his family 's life and any other life he could preach it to . His devotion to whatever religion he happened to be practicing bordered on fanatical and relentless in his pursuit of demanding others believe what he believed . But all his life he had searched for more than just what Judaism , Christianity , Catholicism , Buddhism and others were teaching . He finally found what he was looking for three years prior in the form of Islam and immediately converted and changed his life to the calling of Allah and Mohammed his prophet . But he still wasn 't content until he fell in with the group in New York . The extreme teaching of the Imam there made him realize even the more moderate groups of Muslims in the United States had fallen away from the true faith . And so he had packed up his family and moved to the small community near Rochester . Being secluded from the main city , they had the freedom to practice the highly volatile version of Islam without interference from the outside and to train new warriors for the coming fight he predicted . His wife , two daughters and son had been given new names in accordance with his religion and he had forced the conversion of them all . And the conduct of the women would have been considered harsh even by the Taliban standards . His wife and two daughters were always fully clothed from head to toe and nobody was able to see their faces . His son was being taught the proper role of a Muslim male in the private school and he had hopes to send him off to the more advanced school in Pakistan later in his life . But the phone call had him worried . His eldest daughter had disappeared one night not to be seen again . The local law enforcement had been contacted and a report filed , but they had not seen her since she slipped away quietly one night . But for her to turn up in California was unusual . She had been resistant to the teachings of the community since their arrival and had been punished on several occasions for impudence . She was being stubborn , much like he was , but it was her role to be obedient in the community and a roll she needed to learn . His wife had admitted to missing some clothing after a savage beating by him and the members of the community , but had no other knowledge of her leaving . But then again , it wasn 't completely unexpected as she had already gone to the police attempting to stop the planned marriage to the Imam . But being good members of the faith , they had reported her behavior to him and the Imam and she had been dealt with . But one thing was for certain , his daughter needed to be brought back to the fold before she dishonored his family . He needed her pure for the Imam 's wishes and the longer she was away , there was more of a chance of her being compromised . Plus the added attention given by law enforcement peeking in on what was going on and the State social workers stood a good chance of wrecking the harmony of the community . The alarm went off at 5 : 00 AM as it always did . Charlie was the kind of person who could be up and at the world within fifteen seconds of the alarm going off . He stretched out his arms over his head and rolled over to look at the picture of Annie as he always did . And as always he wondered what his life would have been like had she still been alive . His daughter would have been in school by now had everything that transpired not happened . He rolled out of bed and grabbed at the shirt sitting on the chair next to the bed . He had no serious plans for the day as the hay bales had taken care of themselves yesterday , well , not by themselves , but he did like having the " hired hand " around to help out . Besides the neighbors coming over to grab the hay bales and the trip to the grocery store , he had no serious plans . The chickens needed to be fed , coops cleaned out and the fields checked on , but nothing more serious than that . Just a lazy Saturday for a change . But Charlie was one of those people who tended to make work for himself rather than just sit around . He walked downstairs and put on a pot of coffee and took in the morning , watching the sun come up from the east in vibrant reds , oranges and yellows . He thought to go out and wake up Cindy , but she needed her rest after her work yesterday . She wasn 't used to the hard labor farming often entailed and he needed to take it a bit easier on her since she could get hurt without conditioning into it first . Since there wasn 't anything serious on the horizon that day , she could take the day to rest up . And of course there was Sunday and church . He wasn 't sure how to approach her about it and decided to make it her choice . She had enough religion shoved on her from her family so she claimed , and he didn 't want to add to that if he could avoid it . But he had no idea what to do with her while he went to church . He would play that by ear as it came up . The coffee was sputtering into the pot and he had enough for a cup . Pouring it out , he went outside to the chicken coops and checked on his flock . He didn 't keep many chickens around , but enough to keep him in eggs , fresh meat and some extra to sell at the farmer 's market from time to time . It was still fairly early for them but once he appeared , they knew it was morning time and came out of the coop and into the pen area . He tossed out the cracked corn and they went slightly nuts as they typically did . His rooster would typically lead the charge into the feed but this morning was behind the rest of the group as he peeked out of the coops . Charlie checked the coops for fresh eggs and found several hens had laid in the past day . Not wanting the eggs to go to waste , he gathered them up and decided on eggs and bacon for breakfast this morning . The flock was still outside , making quite the racket as they typically did and scratching around in the pen at the feed . The coops could wait until the afternoon to be cleaned out and he had good plans to put the old straw and shavings into the garden plot he wasn 't using that year . By the next year , it would be fertilized very well and should produce his record crops as he always did . " No objections from me , " she said and looked at the chickens . The Rhode Island Reds continued scratching at the feed he had put out and ignored her for the most part except one . It wandered over to her and looked up with its head * * * * ed at an angle as chickens do . Eventually it went back to scratching in the dirt for the feed . " They are kind of cute . " " Well , the Reynolds ' are coming over this morning to pick up their hay and I 've got some further arranging to do in the barn . Grocery store this afternoon and hadn 't planned on supper just yet . Anything on your mind ? " he asked . " Okay , I 'll give you that , " said Charlie as he finished up in the coops and headed back to the house with Cindy in tow . The eggs were placed in the refrigerator except for five he kept out for breakfast . He grabbed the bacon from the bottom drawer and set it out on the counter along with the mixing for the biscuits . She watched him intently as she was not used to having a man around to do the kitchen work . But at the same time , she wanted to do something and asked to help . She measured out the portion for four of them and started mixing everything up while he got the stove ready for the bacon and the eggs . They sat in silence as he really had no idea what to say about then , but was curious about her to say the least . He wondered how Mark 's quest for information went yesterday and figured he would be getting paid a visit from his friend . Cindy was busy getting herself messy and making up the dough for the biscuits while he got everything else ready . She did happen to notice he had the eggs from the coops that morning . " Eggs in the supermarket come from the same place these do . These just happen to be quite a bit fresher than the ones you get from there . Trust me , don 't knock this until you try it . Best eggs you 'll ever have , " he said . " Wax paper is in the next drawer down and … hold on , " said Charlie after seeing her hands . She had been kneading the dough by hand and had the sticky mess all over herself . He grabbed the roller , wax paper and the biscuit cutter and set them on the table for her . She went back to what she was doing and started rolling out the dough , making quite the mess in the process . He remarked at the scene as well . " Suppose so , " he said as he watched her cut the four biscuits out and set them off to the side . There was only a little left over and she got ready to through it away . " Hold on , I 'll toss that in as well . " " Fried will be okay , " she said . He added in the other two in the pan , cutting at the sides to keep them where they were supposed to be . While they were cooking up , he went to the fridge and grabbed the milk , butter and jelly and set them on the table . The eggs were finally finished and he set everything out on the table while she got the items from the stove , making work for herself since she felt quite useless at that moment . He said the blessing and they began to fix everything for the meal . She tried the bacon first and found it acceptable , the biscuits she couldn 't complain about since she was the one that prepared them , but had yet to try the eggs . She finally figured out she couldn 't avoid it and wondered what the local hospital was like after she contracted salmonella . But much to her surprise , the eggs were outstanding . He stopped and set back from the table , thinking of the question . " Cindy , I 've seen a lot of crazy things in my life . Heard of things even crazier . But never in my life would I ever have imagined something like this going on in the United States , much less figure on meeting someone it happened to in upper East Tennessee . I 've got no reason to doubt you , but you have to understand , it is kind of farfetched . " " It 's an ' I 'm going to wait and see . ' I 've got no reason to doubt your story at all . I take things I hear at face value unless I know for a fact the person is lying . I think you are telling the truth . I 've got no reason not to believe you do I ? " he asked . He thought about the questions and couldn 't come up with a decent answer right then . He had no idea why he was doing it . " Dunno , just felt like the right thing to do , " he finally answered . It was a good enough answer for the moment and his feelings were something he never questioned . " No problem , " he said , still wondering what exactly made him stop that night . It was a question he hadn 't really thought about until that time and needed to think on it more later when he could be alone . The telephone ringing broke him out of his concentration and he went over to answer it .
|
Funny thing about a spark . Typically it just burns for a split second and goes away quietly . Millions , perhaps billions of sparks happen daily and nothing ever happens . They just illuminate quickly and go away , just as quickly . Nobody ever gives them a second thought . But sometimes that spark comes in contact with a volatile material and ignites it . We sometimes do our best to avoid them , like explosive workers . But sometimes that spark just happens to come in contact with said volatile material and an explosion happens . Call it destiny or happenstance ; it happens no matter what precautions we take . We can do everything on the planet to prevent that spark , but sometimes it just happens whether we want it to or not . And in other times , people feel the need to pour gasoline on the pile of sweating dynamite while lighting a cigar and talking on their cell phone … He studied her with a knowing look and peered into her eyes . The eyes were always told of how old a person was , how much they had seen and furthermore , what they happened to be thinking . " How old did you say you were ? " " Again , kind of young to be smoking , but it 's your lungs , " he said as he dug in his pocket and grabbed at the lighter he carried there . He cupped his hand and lit the cigarette as she puffed at it . He took the time to notice she didn 't inhale and rather puffed at it without drawing in the smoke . " Just letting you know , " he said and turned to walk back to his truck . He put the groceries in the lockbox in the bed and unlocked the door . After getting inside , he took a second look at the girl waiting near the doorway , continually looking around the parking lot and at the people going in and out of the store like she was waiting on something or someone . He started the vehicle and put it into gear before taking another look at her . When he looked into her eyes a few moments ago , he also noticed she had a look of fear , of anxiousness and of a need for help . She was scared , but he had no idea of who or what . He could have dialed up the Erwin Police and sent out a unit to check on her and debated that for a moment . But in the end , sighed and decided to figure out what she needed before making any judgment calls . He drove back to the entrance , her eyes following him the whole way . " You want to buckle up ? " he asked as he pulled away from the door . She grabbed at the seatbelt and pulled it over , locking it in place . " So , where you from ? " She laughed at the comment and looked out the window at the trees passing by on the two lane highway . The look of fear had disappeared from her face , but the anxiousness still was in her eyes . The remainder of the drive was spent in silence from Erwin to Unicoi Tennessee . He eventually reached his turn off spot by Jones Hardware and came to a stop . " I 'm turning towards home from here , " he said . " Well , thanks for the ride Mister , " she said . She grabbed the pack at her feet and popped open the door , walking over in the parking lot next to the roadway . When she got there , she looked north and south along the road , wondering what to do next . " Listen , it 's going to be dark in a couple of hours and there isn 't any place in town to take you in . You don 't have any place to go and the sheriff will bust you for vagrancy if he finds you sleeping out on a store front somewhere . I 've got a guesthouse at my place and I can put you up for the night if you want , " he offered . She contemplated his offer for about two seconds before deciding the chance to sleep in an actual bed and take an actual shower appealed to her more than trying to find a place to sleep out again . For all I know , he could be a serial killer , weird axe murderer or some pervert , but I just don 't get that vibe from him she thought and made her choice . She hopped back off the sidewalk and got back into the vehicle . " Just for the night . " Cindy had spent a restless night sleeping off and on , worrying about her newfound " friend " from the previous night . Not that she didn 't trust him , but she just didn 't … trust him fully . But she had a plan for that as well . She carried a claw hammer in her bag just in case and had slept with it under her pillow that night , waking up at the strangest sound and slightest creak of the cabin and grabbing it every time in case she needed to use it . But the night had passed without incident and she wondered what kind of situation she was getting into . Plus , she wondered if she should tell him what brought her to this small farm in East Tennessee . It was going to be daybreak soon and she could see the early morning gray associated with just before the sun began to rise . She rose out of the bed , feeling somewhat uncomfortable wearing the clothing of the man 's dead wife , but until she could get inside and grab her own clothing , she was kind of stuck with it . She looked in the mirror and saw the dark rings under her eyes from the restless night she spent and decided she didn 't need to worry that much about it next time . Her life was in her own hands now and she needed to start thinking on that level . She had a shudder at the thought of what she had been in before and decided it wasn 't so bad being in this strange bedroom in a strange place and with a stranger watching over her . She contemplated taking another shower and decided it would be better if she get it out of the way quickly before getting underway that day . " Absolutely , " said Mitch as they entered the kitchen . He grabbed a cup since this was not the first visit to the farm he had done before . Lifelong friends since kindergarten , the two got along great and often bounced ideas off each other . Mitch fought against the corruption so evident in a small county sheriff and had very few people in the area he could call a true friend . Charlie was one of the few that he could rely on , thick or thin . But by and large , the county appreciated what he did and had reelected him into his position again by a large majority . " One of the deputies called in sick . His wife and kid are down with a stomach bug so I 'm filling in on his shift today . Plus your call has me curious , " said Mitch as he poured a cup of coffee . " Eight O ' clock brand ? " " Yeah , decided to give it a try after I had that cup at the courthouse . Smells rich , " said Charlie . " Found something in Erwin that has me kind of curious . Young girl , runaway I think . No story to speak of and not from around here either . Says she is from Cleveland Ohio , but her accent is kind of New England . Won 't talk , but looks scared to death at what she came from , " said Charlie . " No , I don 't think she 's any of those . She doesn 't fit the profile or at least for now . Maybe down the road , but not at the moment . You know me , I like to help people , " said Charlie . " I can send out a ping with her name and address , but thousands of young girls go missing each year . Like searching for a needle in a haystack , but we could get lucky . However , without a decent address , we aren 't going to get that lucky , " said Mitch . " Name ? " Charlie turned and looked where Mitch was motioning his head and sure enough , Cindy was coming through the yard towards the back door . " Yeah , that 's her . She was probably going to sneak out quietly . " " I do and if it was anyone else , I wouldn 't believe them . But yes Charlie , you 're a good guy and wouldn 't take advantage of the situation . Annie , God rest her soul , would come back and haunt you for the rest of your life and you wouldn 't forgive yourself in the first place , " said Mitch . " I am helping you . But you won 't talk to me so I had no other choice . I think you need help , but for the life of me I don 't know what kind . He can help with whatever problems you have . Trust me , I 've known Mitch Brewer my whole life and if there is anyone who can help you , it 's him , " said Charlie patiently . " Thanks , but no thanks . I 'm leaving , " she said and went into the laundry room to grab her items . She was intercepted by Mitch . " Listen young lady . Charlie Gray is a downright great guy and I trust him without question . If he says you are in trouble and in need of help , I 'm going to give it to him . Now we can do this the easy way or the hard way , " said the Sheriff . She continued to look at them with a tear streaming down her face . She had no idea if these two could help her and she immediately distrusted any law enforcement since they had been no help before . She had no idea what to do except escape once again when the cir * * * stances would let her . She had no idea neither one of the men would let her . " Negative , I 've got Charlie with me , " said Mitch into the radio . He turned back to Cindy and softened his look . " Want to start at the top ? " Cindy sat down at the table and started talking . Who she was , where she came from , how long it took her to get here and what drove her away to start with . She was fifteen years old and from a small community near Rochester New York . And she had another name as well for him to put out on the computer systems , Haseena Hassan . Her father had converted over to Islam three years prior and drug his family along with him including his children . But that 's where the problems just started . Her father had fallen in with a radical Imam preaching in a small community in upstate New York and his leanings were now closer to being on the dangerous fringe rather than in moderation which many practiced . Upon moving his family closer to the congregation , he also forced the new name change to Hassan and gave the remainder of his children new Islamic names . She had a younger brother and sister and he started enforcing a strict Islamic dress code . The school where they lived was a private one and closed to females of all types . There weren 't that many girl children around , but all were forced to wear the traditional hijab and the full length abaya , and some were even forced to wear the niqāb if their father enforced the strict dress code . And her father was one of those strict fundamentalists who decided his daughter would be hidden from public view at all times . And he started treating his daughters and wife differently . Physical abuse was not uncommon along with punishments for minor transgressions . " But that 's not why I left . My father told me I was to be married to a man in the congregation , the Imam . He is forty - seven years old and my father told me I was to marry him and keep him happy as it was what Allah wanted , " she cried , thinking over what had happened the previous week . " I KNOW ! " she exclaimed through tears . " Why come all the way to Tennessee though ? Why not go to the police up there ? " asked Charlie . " I didn 't think of going to them . I managed to steal some money out of my father 's wallet and some old clothing from my mother and run away two nights before I was to be wed to him . I caught a ride to the nearest bus stop and headed south from there . I managed to make it to near Roanoke before the money ran out and I managed to hitch rides from there . I had made it to this town when Charlie found me , " said Cindy crying . " I 've got no reason to doubt her , " said Mitch , thinking of what had been said . " I mean , the story could be made up , but it 's not . I can 't tell you why except that little hunch I 've got . " " I don 't know . Just the funny feeling I get . I 'd rather do it from one of the State terminals at the Troopers ' office or in Johnson City myself . Preferably a place they can 't easily track , " said Mitch . " I 'm thinking I might not like what kind of answers I get if we get a hit , " said Mitch . " And let 's just play this out . Let 's say for a moment what she told us was true . Her parents are going to want to come get her or we bring her to them . Now I ain 't about to take some young girl who should be worried about a prom date back to be married to some dirty old man . I put her name out across the TBI terminal and it comes back with a hit , especially if she was reported missing . The hit is traced back to my office . It gives them a place to start looking . And I 'd rather keep her under wraps until we can figure out what she said is true . " " I 'm rarely shocked in my life . Can 't say I 've seen everything , but not too many things in this life surprise me . But I will admit this is in my top three if it pans out , " said Mitch . " No … well , I don 't know . Depends on how you look at it . I mean , political asylum means you are escaping a place because of your political beliefs and whatnot . Religion is in there as well I think . I mean , she doesn 't want to be in her current environment . But anyway , it 's about whether or not the State is allowing it to happen , " said Mitch . " Finish the dishes like you promised , " he chuckled and grabbed a planner with numbers in the contacts list . He found the number he wanted after looking through several pages . Grabbing the cordless phone , he walked outside and dialed the number . " Mayor says this place is as good as any , but I didn 't give him specifics . His quote : ' that Charlie Gray guy is as good as anyone even if he 's not on the list . ' It 'll take me at least two days to find a decent foster home in any case , so I think you are qualified . I 'll have the county sign off on your paperwork today declaring you as a foster home and make this legal , " said Mitch . " First off , we 're working on it . Gonna take some time , but patience is a virtue . In the meantime , do you have a place to stay ? " he asked , knowing the answer in advance . " Well , that 's an option , but not one I 'm particularly comfortable with . I mean , you 're a pretty young girl and I happen to be single . Lots of rumors get started that way , " he said . " Okay , as long as you 're comfortable with it , " said Charlie . " But I have a few ground rules if you plan on staying . Sure , you 're my guest , but you have to earn your keep around here . " " You have to work hard , if you don 't know how to do it , I 'll show you . You keep up with your school lessons if and when you happen to still be around when school starts . And you mind your manners . You may think you 're sassy and stubborn , but you 'll find me the most stubborn mule this side of the Mississippi . I ain 't gonna yell at you , beat you or nothing like that , but I do expect you to mind your manners ' round me . Can you accept this ? " asked Charlie . " I 'm kind of sassy , I know . My father calls it impudent , but anyway . Can you bear it a little ? I 'll try to watch myself , but please let me know if I step out of bounds , " she asked . " Charlie , I 've been missing you lately . You haven 't come into town like you used to , " said Mary , turning back to Charlie and pretty much ignoring Cindy . It was fairly obvious who the object of Mary 's attention was by the eyes she flashed at Charlie . " Not what Barb or Julie says . They said they haven 't seen you in a month of Sundays , " said Mary . " You need to stop by a little more often . " " You know where to find me . I 'm always at the drug store , " said Mary . " Funny I ran into you here in Johnson City though . I was on a trip to Kingsport to pick up some stuff for the store and I remembered I was out of sugar . And wouldn 't you believe it , but the IGA Store was out of the ten pound bags of sugar . I never buy those five pound bags , just don 't seem to last . So I saw the Wal - Mart on my way off the highway and figured I 'd give them a try . It 's cheaper at the old Whites , but the manager said he didn 't know when they were getting more in and I don 't want to wait . I mean , it would end up being like that time we all had to wait on the big cans of JFG Coffee and they didn 't get it in for six months . But anyway , I remembered I needed more sugar and I was out this way and - " " Uncle Charlie ? We 've got that roast in the oven , " said Cindy , politely interrupting and seeing the expression on Charlie 's face . She barely knew him , but the expression of " help me " was the same the world over . " Yeah , we do . Hate to cut it short Mary , but we 've got to get running . Cindy here is cooking up a roast and we just came out for a quick trip , " he said . " Well , don 't you be a stranger . You swing on by and sit down for a glass of tea , " said Mary . " Nice to meet you . " " Okay , ham it is , " laughed Charlie . The drive back to the farm was spent talking once again and once they returned , Cindy changed clothes to do the chores he had requested she do . Had she refused , he would have ended up doing it himself , but she had " volunteered " and came into the barn in her new work clothing . " Take from the back , the part closest to the wall and move it on over to the door . The neighbors are coming by to pick them up tomorrow . You can help load then too if you want , " said Charlie . He went back to sharpening the blades taken from a riding lawnmower and watched her out of the corner of his eye . She initially tried carrying it up and down , but failed as it continued to slip out of her hands . She tried lengthwise as well and found she couldn 't grip her hands around the bale . Eventually she remembered having the gloves stuffed into the cargo pocket of the BDU pants she had on and grabbed it by the wire and managed to get it over to the doorway . Finding the best way of carrying it took several tries , but she seemed to have a good system going after the first five . But it wasn 't easy work as she grunted at attempting to lift the bales and carry them over . She noticed he was watching her carefully , although not being obvious about it . " I am unsure of that . One of our patrols asked us to run it by name and date of birth . We came back with a hit , " said Mitch . " I 'll be in touch with the New York authorities , " said Mitch as he ended the call . He felt a chill run down her spine as her father had all but verified the claims she had made . He would have to check further , but there was a good chance the claim of the arranged marriage was real . A fifteen year old could make up a lot of stories , but this was one that typically wouldn 't enter their mind unless there was some truth to the matter . Such an outlandish tale could easily be refuted until an official investigation was made . And until such time , Mitch would ensure she was protected as was his job as Sheriff . Mohammed Hassan looked at the phone and the fast dial tone it was beeping at him since he had yet to hang up . He wasn 't sure if the person who called was who they claimed to be and had been prying a little too much for his tastes . He put the phone on the receiver and thought about the conversation he had just had . Mohammed Hassan , formerly known as Stephen Grant was living in a small planned community of Muslims in upstate New York . He had practiced many forms of religion before deciding Islam was his preferred choice in his life , but had one thing in common with each of them . Each religion he practiced he took his zeal to new levels . While many were content to live their lives in full devotion to God 's work , Stephen Grant went above and beyond practicing the religion in complete control of his life , and in turn his family 's life and any other life he could preach it to . His devotion to whatever religion he happened to be practicing bordered on fanatical and relentless in his pursuit of demanding others believe what he believed . But all his life he had searched for more than just what Judaism , Christianity , Catholicism , Buddhism and others were teaching . He finally found what he was looking for three years prior in the form of Islam and immediately converted and changed his life to the calling of Allah and Mohammed his prophet . But he still wasn 't content until he fell in with the group in New York . The extreme teaching of the Imam there made him realize even the more moderate groups of Muslims in the United States had fallen away from the true faith . And so he had packed up his family and moved to the small community near Rochester . Being secluded from the main city , they had the freedom to practice the highly volatile version of Islam without interference from the outside and to train new warriors for the coming fight he predicted . His wife , two daughters and son had been given new names in accordance with his religion and he had forced the conversion of them all . And the conduct of the women would have been considered harsh even by the Taliban standards . His wife and two daughters were always fully clothed from head to toe and nobody was able to see their faces . His son was being taught the proper role of a Muslim male in the private school and he had hopes to send him off to the more advanced school in Pakistan later in his life . But the phone call had him worried . His eldest daughter had disappeared one night not to be seen again . The local law enforcement had been contacted and a report filed , but they had not seen her since she slipped away quietly one night . But for her to turn up in California was unusual . She had been resistant to the teachings of the community since their arrival and had been punished on several occasions for impudence . She was being stubborn , much like he was , but it was her role to be obedient in the community and a roll she needed to learn . His wife had admitted to missing some clothing after a savage beating by him and the members of the community , but had no other knowledge of her leaving . But then again , it wasn 't completely unexpected as she had already gone to the police attempting to stop the planned marriage to the Imam . But being good members of the faith , they had reported her behavior to him and the Imam and she had been dealt with . But one thing was for certain , his daughter needed to be brought back to the fold before she dishonored his family . He needed her pure for the Imam 's wishes and the longer she was away , there was more of a chance of her being compromised . Plus the added attention given by law enforcement peeking in on what was going on and the State social workers stood a good chance of wrecking the harmony of the community . The alarm went off at 5 : 00 AM as it always did . Charlie was the kind of person who could be up and at the world within fifteen seconds of the alarm going off . He stretched out his arms over his head and rolled over to look at the picture of Annie as he always did . And as always he wondered what his life would have been like had she still been alive . His daughter would have been in school by now had everything that transpired not happened . He rolled out of bed and grabbed at the shirt sitting on the chair next to the bed . He had no serious plans for the day as the hay bales had taken care of themselves yesterday , well , not by themselves , but he did like having the " hired hand " around to help out . Besides the neighbors coming over to grab the hay bales and the trip to the grocery store , he had no serious plans . The chickens needed to be fed , coops cleaned out and the fields checked on , but nothing more serious than that . Just a lazy Saturday for a change . But Charlie was one of those people who tended to make work for himself rather than just sit around . He walked downstairs and put on a pot of coffee and took in the morning , watching the sun come up from the east in vibrant reds , oranges and yellows . He thought to go out and wake up Cindy , but she needed her rest after her work yesterday . She wasn 't used to the hard labor farming often entailed and he needed to take it a bit easier on her since she could get hurt without conditioning into it first . Since there wasn 't anything serious on the horizon that day , she could take the day to rest up . And of course there was Sunday and church . He wasn 't sure how to approach her about it and decided to make it her choice . She had enough religion shoved on her from her family so she claimed , and he didn 't want to add to that if he could avoid it . But he had no idea what to do with her while he went to church . He would play that by ear as it came up . The coffee was sputtering into the pot and he had enough for a cup . Pouring it out , he went outside to the chicken coops and checked on his flock . He didn 't keep many chickens around , but enough to keep him in eggs , fresh meat and some extra to sell at the farmer 's market from time to time . It was still fairly early for them but once he appeared , they knew it was morning time and came out of the coop and into the pen area . He tossed out the cracked corn and they went slightly nuts as they typically did . His rooster would typically lead the charge into the feed but this morning was behind the rest of the group as he peeked out of the coops . Charlie checked the coops for fresh eggs and found several hens had laid in the past day . Not wanting the eggs to go to waste , he gathered them up and decided on eggs and bacon for breakfast this morning . The flock was still outside , making quite the racket as they typically did and scratching around in the pen at the feed . The coops could wait until the afternoon to be cleaned out and he had good plans to put the old straw and shavings into the garden plot he wasn 't using that year . By the next year , it would be fertilized very well and should produce his record crops as he always did . " No objections from me , " she said and looked at the chickens . The Rhode Island Reds continued scratching at the feed he had put out and ignored her for the most part except one . It wandered over to her and looked up with its head * * * * ed at an angle as chickens do . Eventually it went back to scratching in the dirt for the feed . " They are kind of cute . " " Well , the Reynolds ' are coming over this morning to pick up their hay and I 've got some further arranging to do in the barn . Grocery store this afternoon and hadn 't planned on supper just yet . Anything on your mind ? " he asked . " Okay , I 'll give you that , " said Charlie as he finished up in the coops and headed back to the house with Cindy in tow . The eggs were placed in the refrigerator except for five he kept out for breakfast . He grabbed the bacon from the bottom drawer and set it out on the counter along with the mixing for the biscuits . She watched him intently as she was not used to having a man around to do the kitchen work . But at the same time , she wanted to do something and asked to help . She measured out the portion for four of them and started mixing everything up while he got the stove ready for the bacon and the eggs . They sat in silence as he really had no idea what to say about then , but was curious about her to say the least . He wondered how Mark 's quest for information went yesterday and figured he would be getting paid a visit from his friend . Cindy was busy getting herself messy and making up the dough for the biscuits while he got everything else ready . She did happen to notice he had the eggs from the coops that morning . " Eggs in the supermarket come from the same place these do . These just happen to be quite a bit fresher than the ones you get from there . Trust me , don 't knock this until you try it . Best eggs you 'll ever have , " he said . " Wax paper is in the next drawer down and … hold on , " said Charlie after seeing her hands . She had been kneading the dough by hand and had the sticky mess all over herself . He grabbed the roller , wax paper and the biscuit cutter and set them on the table for her . She went back to what she was doing and started rolling out the dough , making quite the mess in the process . He remarked at the scene as well . " Suppose so , " he said as he watched her cut the four biscuits out and set them off to the side . There was only a little left over and she got ready to through it away . " Hold on , I 'll toss that in as well . " " Fried will be okay , " she said . He added in the other two in the pan , cutting at the sides to keep them where they were supposed to be . While they were cooking up , he went to the fridge and grabbed the milk , butter and jelly and set them on the table . The eggs were finally finished and he set everything out on the table while she got the items from the stove , making work for herself since she felt quite useless at that moment . He said the blessing and they began to fix everything for the meal . She tried the bacon first and found it acceptable , the biscuits she couldn 't complain about since she was the one that prepared them , but had yet to try the eggs . She finally figured out she couldn 't avoid it and wondered what the local hospital was like after she contracted salmonella . But much to her surprise , the eggs were outstanding . He stopped and set back from the table , thinking of the question . " Cindy , I 've seen a lot of crazy things in my life . Heard of things even crazier . But never in my life would I ever have imagined something like this going on in the United States , much less figure on meeting someone it happened to in upper East Tennessee . I 've got no reason to doubt you , but you have to understand , it is kind of farfetched . " " It 's an ' I 'm going to wait and see . ' I 've got no reason to doubt your story at all . I take things I hear at face value unless I know for a fact the person is lying . I think you are telling the truth . I 've got no reason not to believe you do I ? " he asked . He thought about the questions and couldn 't come up with a decent answer right then . He had no idea why he was doing it . " Dunno , just felt like the right thing to do , " he finally answered . It was a good enough answer for the moment and his feelings were something he never questioned . " No problem , " he said , still wondering what exactly made him stop that night . It was a question he hadn 't really thought about until that time and needed to think on it more later when he could be alone . The telephone ringing broke him out of his concentration and he went over to answer it .
|
Funny thing about a spark . Typically it just burns for a split second and goes away quietly . Millions , perhaps billions of sparks happen daily and nothing ever happens . They just illuminate quickly and go away , just as quickly . Nobody ever gives them a second thought . But sometimes that spark comes in contact with a volatile material and ignites it . We sometimes do our best to avoid them , like explosive workers . But sometimes that spark just happens to come in contact with said volatile material and an explosion happens . Call it destiny or happenstance ; it happens no matter what precautions we take . We can do everything on the planet to prevent that spark , but sometimes it just happens whether we want it to or not . And in other times , people feel the need to pour gasoline on the pile of sweating dynamite while lighting a cigar and talking on their cell phone … He studied her with a knowing look and peered into her eyes . The eyes were always told of how old a person was , how much they had seen and furthermore , what they happened to be thinking . " How old did you say you were ? " " Again , kind of young to be smoking , but it 's your lungs , " he said as he dug in his pocket and grabbed at the lighter he carried there . He cupped his hand and lit the cigarette as she puffed at it . He took the time to notice she didn 't inhale and rather puffed at it without drawing in the smoke . " Just letting you know , " he said and turned to walk back to his truck . He put the groceries in the lockbox in the bed and unlocked the door . After getting inside , he took a second look at the girl waiting near the doorway , continually looking around the parking lot and at the people going in and out of the store like she was waiting on something or someone . He started the vehicle and put it into gear before taking another look at her . When he looked into her eyes a few moments ago , he also noticed she had a look of fear , of anxiousness and of a need for help . She was scared , but he had no idea of who or what . He could have dialed up the Erwin Police and sent out a unit to check on her and debated that for a moment . But in the end , sighed and decided to figure out what she needed before making any judgment calls . He drove back to the entrance , her eyes following him the whole way . " You want to buckle up ? " he asked as he pulled away from the door . She grabbed at the seatbelt and pulled it over , locking it in place . " So , where you from ? " She laughed at the comment and looked out the window at the trees passing by on the two lane highway . The look of fear had disappeared from her face , but the anxiousness still was in her eyes . The remainder of the drive was spent in silence from Erwin to Unicoi Tennessee . He eventually reached his turn off spot by Jones Hardware and came to a stop . " I 'm turning towards home from here , " he said . " Well , thanks for the ride Mister , " she said . She grabbed the pack at her feet and popped open the door , walking over in the parking lot next to the roadway . When she got there , she looked north and south along the road , wondering what to do next . " Listen , it 's going to be dark in a couple of hours and there isn 't any place in town to take you in . You don 't have any place to go and the sheriff will bust you for vagrancy if he finds you sleeping out on a store front somewhere . I 've got a guesthouse at my place and I can put you up for the night if you want , " he offered . She contemplated his offer for about two seconds before deciding the chance to sleep in an actual bed and take an actual shower appealed to her more than trying to find a place to sleep out again . For all I know , he could be a serial killer , weird axe murderer or some pervert , but I just don 't get that vibe from him she thought and made her choice . She hopped back off the sidewalk and got back into the vehicle . " Just for the night . " Cindy had spent a restless night sleeping off and on , worrying about her newfound " friend " from the previous night . Not that she didn 't trust him , but she just didn 't … trust him fully . But she had a plan for that as well . She carried a claw hammer in her bag just in case and had slept with it under her pillow that night , waking up at the strangest sound and slightest creak of the cabin and grabbing it every time in case she needed to use it . But the night had passed without incident and she wondered what kind of situation she was getting into . Plus , she wondered if she should tell him what brought her to this small farm in East Tennessee . It was going to be daybreak soon and she could see the early morning gray associated with just before the sun began to rise . She rose out of the bed , feeling somewhat uncomfortable wearing the clothing of the man 's dead wife , but until she could get inside and grab her own clothing , she was kind of stuck with it . She looked in the mirror and saw the dark rings under her eyes from the restless night she spent and decided she didn 't need to worry that much about it next time . Her life was in her own hands now and she needed to start thinking on that level . She had a shudder at the thought of what she had been in before and decided it wasn 't so bad being in this strange bedroom in a strange place and with a stranger watching over her . She contemplated taking another shower and decided it would be better if she get it out of the way quickly before getting underway that day . " Absolutely , " said Mitch as they entered the kitchen . He grabbed a cup since this was not the first visit to the farm he had done before . Lifelong friends since kindergarten , the two got along great and often bounced ideas off each other . Mitch fought against the corruption so evident in a small county sheriff and had very few people in the area he could call a true friend . Charlie was one of the few that he could rely on , thick or thin . But by and large , the county appreciated what he did and had reelected him into his position again by a large majority . " One of the deputies called in sick . His wife and kid are down with a stomach bug so I 'm filling in on his shift today . Plus your call has me curious , " said Mitch as he poured a cup of coffee . " Eight O ' clock brand ? " " Yeah , decided to give it a try after I had that cup at the courthouse . Smells rich , " said Charlie . " Found something in Erwin that has me kind of curious . Young girl , runaway I think . No story to speak of and not from around here either . Says she is from Cleveland Ohio , but her accent is kind of New England . Won 't talk , but looks scared to death at what she came from , " said Charlie . " No , I don 't think she 's any of those . She doesn 't fit the profile or at least for now . Maybe down the road , but not at the moment . You know me , I like to help people , " said Charlie . " I can send out a ping with her name and address , but thousands of young girls go missing each year . Like searching for a needle in a haystack , but we could get lucky . However , without a decent address , we aren 't going to get that lucky , " said Mitch . " Name ? " Charlie turned and looked where Mitch was motioning his head and sure enough , Cindy was coming through the yard towards the back door . " Yeah , that 's her . She was probably going to sneak out quietly . " " I do and if it was anyone else , I wouldn 't believe them . But yes Charlie , you 're a good guy and wouldn 't take advantage of the situation . Annie , God rest her soul , would come back and haunt you for the rest of your life and you wouldn 't forgive yourself in the first place , " said Mitch . " I am helping you . But you won 't talk to me so I had no other choice . I think you need help , but for the life of me I don 't know what kind . He can help with whatever problems you have . Trust me , I 've known Mitch Brewer my whole life and if there is anyone who can help you , it 's him , " said Charlie patiently . " Thanks , but no thanks . I 'm leaving , " she said and went into the laundry room to grab her items . She was intercepted by Mitch . " Listen young lady . Charlie Gray is a downright great guy and I trust him without question . If he says you are in trouble and in need of help , I 'm going to give it to him . Now we can do this the easy way or the hard way , " said the Sheriff . She continued to look at them with a tear streaming down her face . She had no idea if these two could help her and she immediately distrusted any law enforcement since they had been no help before . She had no idea what to do except escape once again when the cir * * * stances would let her . She had no idea neither one of the men would let her . " Negative , I 've got Charlie with me , " said Mitch into the radio . He turned back to Cindy and softened his look . " Want to start at the top ? " Cindy sat down at the table and started talking . Who she was , where she came from , how long it took her to get here and what drove her away to start with . She was fifteen years old and from a small community near Rochester New York . And she had another name as well for him to put out on the computer systems , Haseena Hassan . Her father had converted over to Islam three years prior and drug his family along with him including his children . But that 's where the problems just started . Her father had fallen in with a radical Imam preaching in a small community in upstate New York and his leanings were now closer to being on the dangerous fringe rather than in moderation which many practiced . Upon moving his family closer to the congregation , he also forced the new name change to Hassan and gave the remainder of his children new Islamic names . She had a younger brother and sister and he started enforcing a strict Islamic dress code . The school where they lived was a private one and closed to females of all types . There weren 't that many girl children around , but all were forced to wear the traditional hijab and the full length abaya , and some were even forced to wear the niqāb if their father enforced the strict dress code . And her father was one of those strict fundamentalists who decided his daughter would be hidden from public view at all times . And he started treating his daughters and wife differently . Physical abuse was not uncommon along with punishments for minor transgressions . " But that 's not why I left . My father told me I was to be married to a man in the congregation , the Imam . He is forty - seven years old and my father told me I was to marry him and keep him happy as it was what Allah wanted , " she cried , thinking over what had happened the previous week . " I KNOW ! " she exclaimed through tears . " Why come all the way to Tennessee though ? Why not go to the police up there ? " asked Charlie . " I didn 't think of going to them . I managed to steal some money out of my father 's wallet and some old clothing from my mother and run away two nights before I was to be wed to him . I caught a ride to the nearest bus stop and headed south from there . I managed to make it to near Roanoke before the money ran out and I managed to hitch rides from there . I had made it to this town when Charlie found me , " said Cindy crying . " I 've got no reason to doubt her , " said Mitch , thinking of what had been said . " I mean , the story could be made up , but it 's not . I can 't tell you why except that little hunch I 've got . " " I don 't know . Just the funny feeling I get . I 'd rather do it from one of the State terminals at the Troopers ' office or in Johnson City myself . Preferably a place they can 't easily track , " said Mitch . " I 'm thinking I might not like what kind of answers I get if we get a hit , " said Mitch . " And let 's just play this out . Let 's say for a moment what she told us was true . Her parents are going to want to come get her or we bring her to them . Now I ain 't about to take some young girl who should be worried about a prom date back to be married to some dirty old man . I put her name out across the TBI terminal and it comes back with a hit , especially if she was reported missing . The hit is traced back to my office . It gives them a place to start looking . And I 'd rather keep her under wraps until we can figure out what she said is true . " " I 'm rarely shocked in my life . Can 't say I 've seen everything , but not too many things in this life surprise me . But I will admit this is in my top three if it pans out , " said Mitch . " No … well , I don 't know . Depends on how you look at it . I mean , political asylum means you are escaping a place because of your political beliefs and whatnot . Religion is in there as well I think . I mean , she doesn 't want to be in her current environment . But anyway , it 's about whether or not the State is allowing it to happen , " said Mitch . " Finish the dishes like you promised , " he chuckled and grabbed a planner with numbers in the contacts list . He found the number he wanted after looking through several pages . Grabbing the cordless phone , he walked outside and dialed the number . " Mayor says this place is as good as any , but I didn 't give him specifics . His quote : ' that Charlie Gray guy is as good as anyone even if he 's not on the list . ' It 'll take me at least two days to find a decent foster home in any case , so I think you are qualified . I 'll have the county sign off on your paperwork today declaring you as a foster home and make this legal , " said Mitch . " First off , we 're working on it . Gonna take some time , but patience is a virtue . In the meantime , do you have a place to stay ? " he asked , knowing the answer in advance . " Well , that 's an option , but not one I 'm particularly comfortable with . I mean , you 're a pretty young girl and I happen to be single . Lots of rumors get started that way , " he said . " Okay , as long as you 're comfortable with it , " said Charlie . " But I have a few ground rules if you plan on staying . Sure , you 're my guest , but you have to earn your keep around here . " " You have to work hard , if you don 't know how to do it , I 'll show you . You keep up with your school lessons if and when you happen to still be around when school starts . And you mind your manners . You may think you 're sassy and stubborn , but you 'll find me the most stubborn mule this side of the Mississippi . I ain 't gonna yell at you , beat you or nothing like that , but I do expect you to mind your manners ' round me . Can you accept this ? " asked Charlie . " I 'm kind of sassy , I know . My father calls it impudent , but anyway . Can you bear it a little ? I 'll try to watch myself , but please let me know if I step out of bounds , " she asked . " Charlie , I 've been missing you lately . You haven 't come into town like you used to , " said Mary , turning back to Charlie and pretty much ignoring Cindy . It was fairly obvious who the object of Mary 's attention was by the eyes she flashed at Charlie . " Not what Barb or Julie says . They said they haven 't seen you in a month of Sundays , " said Mary . " You need to stop by a little more often . " " You know where to find me . I 'm always at the drug store , " said Mary . " Funny I ran into you here in Johnson City though . I was on a trip to Kingsport to pick up some stuff for the store and I remembered I was out of sugar . And wouldn 't you believe it , but the IGA Store was out of the ten pound bags of sugar . I never buy those five pound bags , just don 't seem to last . So I saw the Wal - Mart on my way off the highway and figured I 'd give them a try . It 's cheaper at the old Whites , but the manager said he didn 't know when they were getting more in and I don 't want to wait . I mean , it would end up being like that time we all had to wait on the big cans of JFG Coffee and they didn 't get it in for six months . But anyway , I remembered I needed more sugar and I was out this way and - " " Uncle Charlie ? We 've got that roast in the oven , " said Cindy , politely interrupting and seeing the expression on Charlie 's face . She barely knew him , but the expression of " help me " was the same the world over . " Yeah , we do . Hate to cut it short Mary , but we 've got to get running . Cindy here is cooking up a roast and we just came out for a quick trip , " he said . " Well , don 't you be a stranger . You swing on by and sit down for a glass of tea , " said Mary . " Nice to meet you . " " Okay , ham it is , " laughed Charlie . The drive back to the farm was spent talking once again and once they returned , Cindy changed clothes to do the chores he had requested she do . Had she refused , he would have ended up doing it himself , but she had " volunteered " and came into the barn in her new work clothing . " Take from the back , the part closest to the wall and move it on over to the door . The neighbors are coming by to pick them up tomorrow . You can help load then too if you want , " said Charlie . He went back to sharpening the blades taken from a riding lawnmower and watched her out of the corner of his eye . She initially tried carrying it up and down , but failed as it continued to slip out of her hands . She tried lengthwise as well and found she couldn 't grip her hands around the bale . Eventually she remembered having the gloves stuffed into the cargo pocket of the BDU pants she had on and grabbed it by the wire and managed to get it over to the doorway . Finding the best way of carrying it took several tries , but she seemed to have a good system going after the first five . But it wasn 't easy work as she grunted at attempting to lift the bales and carry them over . She noticed he was watching her carefully , although not being obvious about it . " I am unsure of that . One of our patrols asked us to run it by name and date of birth . We came back with a hit , " said Mitch . " I 'll be in touch with the New York authorities , " said Mitch as he ended the call . He felt a chill run down her spine as her father had all but verified the claims she had made . He would have to check further , but there was a good chance the claim of the arranged marriage was real . A fifteen year old could make up a lot of stories , but this was one that typically wouldn 't enter their mind unless there was some truth to the matter . Such an outlandish tale could easily be refuted until an official investigation was made . And until such time , Mitch would ensure she was protected as was his job as Sheriff . Mohammed Hassan looked at the phone and the fast dial tone it was beeping at him since he had yet to hang up . He wasn 't sure if the person who called was who they claimed to be and had been prying a little too much for his tastes . He put the phone on the receiver and thought about the conversation he had just had . Mohammed Hassan , formerly known as Stephen Grant was living in a small planned community of Muslims in upstate New York . He had practiced many forms of religion before deciding Islam was his preferred choice in his life , but had one thing in common with each of them . Each religion he practiced he took his zeal to new levels . While many were content to live their lives in full devotion to God 's work , Stephen Grant went above and beyond practicing the religion in complete control of his life , and in turn his family 's life and any other life he could preach it to . His devotion to whatever religion he happened to be practicing bordered on fanatical and relentless in his pursuit of demanding others believe what he believed . But all his life he had searched for more than just what Judaism , Christianity , Catholicism , Buddhism and others were teaching . He finally found what he was looking for three years prior in the form of Islam and immediately converted and changed his life to the calling of Allah and Mohammed his prophet . But he still wasn 't content until he fell in with the group in New York . The extreme teaching of the Imam there made him realize even the more moderate groups of Muslims in the United States had fallen away from the true faith . And so he had packed up his family and moved to the small community near Rochester . Being secluded from the main city , they had the freedom to practice the highly volatile version of Islam without interference from the outside and to train new warriors for the coming fight he predicted . His wife , two daughters and son had been given new names in accordance with his religion and he had forced the conversion of them all . And the conduct of the women would have been considered harsh even by the Taliban standards . His wife and two daughters were always fully clothed from head to toe and nobody was able to see their faces . His son was being taught the proper role of a Muslim male in the private school and he had hopes to send him off to the more advanced school in Pakistan later in his life . But the phone call had him worried . His eldest daughter had disappeared one night not to be seen again . The local law enforcement had been contacted and a report filed , but they had not seen her since she slipped away quietly one night . But for her to turn up in California was unusual . She had been resistant to the teachings of the community since their arrival and had been punished on several occasions for impudence . She was being stubborn , much like he was , but it was her role to be obedient in the community and a roll she needed to learn . His wife had admitted to missing some clothing after a savage beating by him and the members of the community , but had no other knowledge of her leaving . But then again , it wasn 't completely unexpected as she had already gone to the police attempting to stop the planned marriage to the Imam . But being good members of the faith , they had reported her behavior to him and the Imam and she had been dealt with . But one thing was for certain , his daughter needed to be brought back to the fold before she dishonored his family . He needed her pure for the Imam 's wishes and the longer she was away , there was more of a chance of her being compromised . Plus the added attention given by law enforcement peeking in on what was going on and the State social workers stood a good chance of wrecking the harmony of the community . The alarm went off at 5 : 00 AM as it always did . Charlie was the kind of person who could be up and at the world within fifteen seconds of the alarm going off . He stretched out his arms over his head and rolled over to look at the picture of Annie as he always did . And as always he wondered what his life would have been like had she still been alive . His daughter would have been in school by now had everything that transpired not happened . He rolled out of bed and grabbed at the shirt sitting on the chair next to the bed . He had no serious plans for the day as the hay bales had taken care of themselves yesterday , well , not by themselves , but he did like having the " hired hand " around to help out . Besides the neighbors coming over to grab the hay bales and the trip to the grocery store , he had no serious plans . The chickens needed to be fed , coops cleaned out and the fields checked on , but nothing more serious than that . Just a lazy Saturday for a change . But Charlie was one of those people who tended to make work for himself rather than just sit around . He walked downstairs and put on a pot of coffee and took in the morning , watching the sun come up from the east in vibrant reds , oranges and yellows . He thought to go out and wake up Cindy , but she needed her rest after her work yesterday . She wasn 't used to the hard labor farming often entailed and he needed to take it a bit easier on her since she could get hurt without conditioning into it first . Since there wasn 't anything serious on the horizon that day , she could take the day to rest up . And of course there was Sunday and church . He wasn 't sure how to approach her about it and decided to make it her choice . She had enough religion shoved on her from her family so she claimed , and he didn 't want to add to that if he could avoid it . But he had no idea what to do with her while he went to church . He would play that by ear as it came up . The coffee was sputtering into the pot and he had enough for a cup . Pouring it out , he went outside to the chicken coops and checked on his flock . He didn 't keep many chickens around , but enough to keep him in eggs , fresh meat and some extra to sell at the farmer 's market from time to time . It was still fairly early for them but once he appeared , they knew it was morning time and came out of the coop and into the pen area . He tossed out the cracked corn and they went slightly nuts as they typically did . His rooster would typically lead the charge into the feed but this morning was behind the rest of the group as he peeked out of the coops . Charlie checked the coops for fresh eggs and found several hens had laid in the past day . Not wanting the eggs to go to waste , he gathered them up and decided on eggs and bacon for breakfast this morning . The flock was still outside , making quite the racket as they typically did and scratching around in the pen at the feed . The coops could wait until the afternoon to be cleaned out and he had good plans to put the old straw and shavings into the garden plot he wasn 't using that year . By the next year , it would be fertilized very well and should produce his record crops as he always did . " No objections from me , " she said and looked at the chickens . The Rhode Island Reds continued scratching at the feed he had put out and ignored her for the most part except one . It wandered over to her and looked up with its head * * * * ed at an angle as chickens do . Eventually it went back to scratching in the dirt for the feed . " They are kind of cute . " " Well , the Reynolds ' are coming over this morning to pick up their hay and I 've got some further arranging to do in the barn . Grocery store this afternoon and hadn 't planned on supper just yet . Anything on your mind ? " he asked . " Okay , I 'll give you that , " said Charlie as he finished up in the coops and headed back to the house with Cindy in tow . The eggs were placed in the refrigerator except for five he kept out for breakfast . He grabbed the bacon from the bottom drawer and set it out on the counter along with the mixing for the biscuits . She watched him intently as she was not used to having a man around to do the kitchen work . But at the same time , she wanted to do something and asked to help . She measured out the portion for four of them and started mixing everything up while he got the stove ready for the bacon and the eggs . They sat in silence as he really had no idea what to say about then , but was curious about her to say the least . He wondered how Mark 's quest for information went yesterday and figured he would be getting paid a visit from his friend . Cindy was busy getting herself messy and making up the dough for the biscuits while he got everything else ready . She did happen to notice he had the eggs from the coops that morning . " Eggs in the supermarket come from the same place these do . These just happen to be quite a bit fresher than the ones you get from there . Trust me , don 't knock this until you try it . Best eggs you 'll ever have , " he said . " Wax paper is in the next drawer down and … hold on , " said Charlie after seeing her hands . She had been kneading the dough by hand and had the sticky mess all over herself . He grabbed the roller , wax paper and the biscuit cutter and set them on the table for her . She went back to what she was doing and started rolling out the dough , making quite the mess in the process . He remarked at the scene as well . " Suppose so , " he said as he watched her cut the four biscuits out and set them off to the side . There was only a little left over and she got ready to through it away . " Hold on , I 'll toss that in as well . " " Fried will be okay , " she said . He added in the other two in the pan , cutting at the sides to keep them where they were supposed to be . While they were cooking up , he went to the fridge and grabbed the milk , butter and jelly and set them on the table . The eggs were finally finished and he set everything out on the table while she got the items from the stove , making work for herself since she felt quite useless at that moment . He said the blessing and they began to fix everything for the meal . She tried the bacon first and found it acceptable , the biscuits she couldn 't complain about since she was the one that prepared them , but had yet to try the eggs . She finally figured out she couldn 't avoid it and wondered what the local hospital was like after she contracted salmonella . But much to her surprise , the eggs were outstanding . He stopped and set back from the table , thinking of the question . " Cindy , I 've seen a lot of crazy things in my life . Heard of things even crazier . But never in my life would I ever have imagined something like this going on in the United States , much less figure on meeting someone it happened to in upper East Tennessee . I 've got no reason to doubt you , but you have to understand , it is kind of farfetched . " " It 's an ' I 'm going to wait and see . ' I 've got no reason to doubt your story at all . I take things I hear at face value unless I know for a fact the person is lying . I think you are telling the truth . I 've got no reason not to believe you do I ? " he asked . He thought about the questions and couldn 't come up with a decent answer right then . He had no idea why he was doing it . " Dunno , just felt like the right thing to do , " he finally answered . It was a good enough answer for the moment and his feelings were something he never questioned . " No problem , " he said , still wondering what exactly made him stop that night . It was a question he hadn 't really thought about until that time and needed to think on it more later when he could be alone . The telephone ringing broke him out of his concentration and he went over to answer it .
|
Funny thing about a spark . Typically it just burns for a split second and goes away quietly . Millions , perhaps billions of sparks happen daily and nothing ever happens . They just illuminate quickly and go away , just as quickly . Nobody ever gives them a second thought . But sometimes that spark comes in contact with a volatile material and ignites it . We sometimes do our best to avoid them , like explosive workers . But sometimes that spark just happens to come in contact with said volatile material and an explosion happens . Call it destiny or happenstance ; it happens no matter what precautions we take . We can do everything on the planet to prevent that spark , but sometimes it just happens whether we want it to or not . And in other times , people feel the need to pour gasoline on the pile of sweating dynamite while lighting a cigar and talking on their cell phone … He studied her with a knowing look and peered into her eyes . The eyes were always told of how old a person was , how much they had seen and furthermore , what they happened to be thinking . " How old did you say you were ? " " Again , kind of young to be smoking , but it 's your lungs , " he said as he dug in his pocket and grabbed at the lighter he carried there . He cupped his hand and lit the cigarette as she puffed at it . He took the time to notice she didn 't inhale and rather puffed at it without drawing in the smoke . " Just letting you know , " he said and turned to walk back to his truck . He put the groceries in the lockbox in the bed and unlocked the door . After getting inside , he took a second look at the girl waiting near the doorway , continually looking around the parking lot and at the people going in and out of the store like she was waiting on something or someone . He started the vehicle and put it into gear before taking another look at her . When he looked into her eyes a few moments ago , he also noticed she had a look of fear , of anxiousness and of a need for help . She was scared , but he had no idea of who or what . He could have dialed up the Erwin Police and sent out a unit to check on her and debated that for a moment . But in the end , sighed and decided to figure out what she needed before making any judgment calls . He drove back to the entrance , her eyes following him the whole way . " You want to buckle up ? " he asked as he pulled away from the door . She grabbed at the seatbelt and pulled it over , locking it in place . " So , where you from ? " She laughed at the comment and looked out the window at the trees passing by on the two lane highway . The look of fear had disappeared from her face , but the anxiousness still was in her eyes . The remainder of the drive was spent in silence from Erwin to Unicoi Tennessee . He eventually reached his turn off spot by Jones Hardware and came to a stop . " I 'm turning towards home from here , " he said . " Well , thanks for the ride Mister , " she said . She grabbed the pack at her feet and popped open the door , walking over in the parking lot next to the roadway . When she got there , she looked north and south along the road , wondering what to do next . " Listen , it 's going to be dark in a couple of hours and there isn 't any place in town to take you in . You don 't have any place to go and the sheriff will bust you for vagrancy if he finds you sleeping out on a store front somewhere . I 've got a guesthouse at my place and I can put you up for the night if you want , " he offered . She contemplated his offer for about two seconds before deciding the chance to sleep in an actual bed and take an actual shower appealed to her more than trying to find a place to sleep out again . For all I know , he could be a serial killer , weird axe murderer or some pervert , but I just don 't get that vibe from him she thought and made her choice . She hopped back off the sidewalk and got back into the vehicle . " Just for the night . " Cindy had spent a restless night sleeping off and on , worrying about her newfound " friend " from the previous night . Not that she didn 't trust him , but she just didn 't … trust him fully . But she had a plan for that as well . She carried a claw hammer in her bag just in case and had slept with it under her pillow that night , waking up at the strangest sound and slightest creak of the cabin and grabbing it every time in case she needed to use it . But the night had passed without incident and she wondered what kind of situation she was getting into . Plus , she wondered if she should tell him what brought her to this small farm in East Tennessee . It was going to be daybreak soon and she could see the early morning gray associated with just before the sun began to rise . She rose out of the bed , feeling somewhat uncomfortable wearing the clothing of the man 's dead wife , but until she could get inside and grab her own clothing , she was kind of stuck with it . She looked in the mirror and saw the dark rings under her eyes from the restless night she spent and decided she didn 't need to worry that much about it next time . Her life was in her own hands now and she needed to start thinking on that level . She had a shudder at the thought of what she had been in before and decided it wasn 't so bad being in this strange bedroom in a strange place and with a stranger watching over her . She contemplated taking another shower and decided it would be better if she get it out of the way quickly before getting underway that day . " Absolutely , " said Mitch as they entered the kitchen . He grabbed a cup since this was not the first visit to the farm he had done before . Lifelong friends since kindergarten , the two got along great and often bounced ideas off each other . Mitch fought against the corruption so evident in a small county sheriff and had very few people in the area he could call a true friend . Charlie was one of the few that he could rely on , thick or thin . But by and large , the county appreciated what he did and had reelected him into his position again by a large majority . " One of the deputies called in sick . His wife and kid are down with a stomach bug so I 'm filling in on his shift today . Plus your call has me curious , " said Mitch as he poured a cup of coffee . " Eight O ' clock brand ? " " Yeah , decided to give it a try after I had that cup at the courthouse . Smells rich , " said Charlie . " Found something in Erwin that has me kind of curious . Young girl , runaway I think . No story to speak of and not from around here either . Says she is from Cleveland Ohio , but her accent is kind of New England . Won 't talk , but looks scared to death at what she came from , " said Charlie . " No , I don 't think she 's any of those . She doesn 't fit the profile or at least for now . Maybe down the road , but not at the moment . You know me , I like to help people , " said Charlie . " I can send out a ping with her name and address , but thousands of young girls go missing each year . Like searching for a needle in a haystack , but we could get lucky . However , without a decent address , we aren 't going to get that lucky , " said Mitch . " Name ? " Charlie turned and looked where Mitch was motioning his head and sure enough , Cindy was coming through the yard towards the back door . " Yeah , that 's her . She was probably going to sneak out quietly . " " I do and if it was anyone else , I wouldn 't believe them . But yes Charlie , you 're a good guy and wouldn 't take advantage of the situation . Annie , God rest her soul , would come back and haunt you for the rest of your life and you wouldn 't forgive yourself in the first place , " said Mitch . " I am helping you . But you won 't talk to me so I had no other choice . I think you need help , but for the life of me I don 't know what kind . He can help with whatever problems you have . Trust me , I 've known Mitch Brewer my whole life and if there is anyone who can help you , it 's him , " said Charlie patiently . " Thanks , but no thanks . I 'm leaving , " she said and went into the laundry room to grab her items . She was intercepted by Mitch . " Listen young lady . Charlie Gray is a downright great guy and I trust him without question . If he says you are in trouble and in need of help , I 'm going to give it to him . Now we can do this the easy way or the hard way , " said the Sheriff . She continued to look at them with a tear streaming down her face . She had no idea if these two could help her and she immediately distrusted any law enforcement since they had been no help before . She had no idea what to do except escape once again when the cir * * * stances would let her . She had no idea neither one of the men would let her . " Negative , I 've got Charlie with me , " said Mitch into the radio . He turned back to Cindy and softened his look . " Want to start at the top ? " Cindy sat down at the table and started talking . Who she was , where she came from , how long it took her to get here and what drove her away to start with . She was fifteen years old and from a small community near Rochester New York . And she had another name as well for him to put out on the computer systems , Haseena Hassan . Her father had converted over to Islam three years prior and drug his family along with him including his children . But that 's where the problems just started . Her father had fallen in with a radical Imam preaching in a small community in upstate New York and his leanings were now closer to being on the dangerous fringe rather than in moderation which many practiced . Upon moving his family closer to the congregation , he also forced the new name change to Hassan and gave the remainder of his children new Islamic names . She had a younger brother and sister and he started enforcing a strict Islamic dress code . The school where they lived was a private one and closed to females of all types . There weren 't that many girl children around , but all were forced to wear the traditional hijab and the full length abaya , and some were even forced to wear the niqāb if their father enforced the strict dress code . And her father was one of those strict fundamentalists who decided his daughter would be hidden from public view at all times . And he started treating his daughters and wife differently . Physical abuse was not uncommon along with punishments for minor transgressions . " But that 's not why I left . My father told me I was to be married to a man in the congregation , the Imam . He is forty - seven years old and my father told me I was to marry him and keep him happy as it was what Allah wanted , " she cried , thinking over what had happened the previous week . " I KNOW ! " she exclaimed through tears . " Why come all the way to Tennessee though ? Why not go to the police up there ? " asked Charlie . " I didn 't think of going to them . I managed to steal some money out of my father 's wallet and some old clothing from my mother and run away two nights before I was to be wed to him . I caught a ride to the nearest bus stop and headed south from there . I managed to make it to near Roanoke before the money ran out and I managed to hitch rides from there . I had made it to this town when Charlie found me , " said Cindy crying . " I 've got no reason to doubt her , " said Mitch , thinking of what had been said . " I mean , the story could be made up , but it 's not . I can 't tell you why except that little hunch I 've got . " " I don 't know . Just the funny feeling I get . I 'd rather do it from one of the State terminals at the Troopers ' office or in Johnson City myself . Preferably a place they can 't easily track , " said Mitch . " I 'm thinking I might not like what kind of answers I get if we get a hit , " said Mitch . " And let 's just play this out . Let 's say for a moment what she told us was true . Her parents are going to want to come get her or we bring her to them . Now I ain 't about to take some young girl who should be worried about a prom date back to be married to some dirty old man . I put her name out across the TBI terminal and it comes back with a hit , especially if she was reported missing . The hit is traced back to my office . It gives them a place to start looking . And I 'd rather keep her under wraps until we can figure out what she said is true . " " I 'm rarely shocked in my life . Can 't say I 've seen everything , but not too many things in this life surprise me . But I will admit this is in my top three if it pans out , " said Mitch . " No … well , I don 't know . Depends on how you look at it . I mean , political asylum means you are escaping a place because of your political beliefs and whatnot . Religion is in there as well I think . I mean , she doesn 't want to be in her current environment . But anyway , it 's about whether or not the State is allowing it to happen , " said Mitch . " Finish the dishes like you promised , " he chuckled and grabbed a planner with numbers in the contacts list . He found the number he wanted after looking through several pages . Grabbing the cordless phone , he walked outside and dialed the number . " Mayor says this place is as good as any , but I didn 't give him specifics . His quote : ' that Charlie Gray guy is as good as anyone even if he 's not on the list . ' It 'll take me at least two days to find a decent foster home in any case , so I think you are qualified . I 'll have the county sign off on your paperwork today declaring you as a foster home and make this legal , " said Mitch . " First off , we 're working on it . Gonna take some time , but patience is a virtue . In the meantime , do you have a place to stay ? " he asked , knowing the answer in advance . " Well , that 's an option , but not one I 'm particularly comfortable with . I mean , you 're a pretty young girl and I happen to be single . Lots of rumors get started that way , " he said . " Okay , as long as you 're comfortable with it , " said Charlie . " But I have a few ground rules if you plan on staying . Sure , you 're my guest , but you have to earn your keep around here . " " You have to work hard , if you don 't know how to do it , I 'll show you . You keep up with your school lessons if and when you happen to still be around when school starts . And you mind your manners . You may think you 're sassy and stubborn , but you 'll find me the most stubborn mule this side of the Mississippi . I ain 't gonna yell at you , beat you or nothing like that , but I do expect you to mind your manners ' round me . Can you accept this ? " asked Charlie . " I 'm kind of sassy , I know . My father calls it impudent , but anyway . Can you bear it a little ? I 'll try to watch myself , but please let me know if I step out of bounds , " she asked . " Charlie , I 've been missing you lately . You haven 't come into town like you used to , " said Mary , turning back to Charlie and pretty much ignoring Cindy . It was fairly obvious who the object of Mary 's attention was by the eyes she flashed at Charlie . " Not what Barb or Julie says . They said they haven 't seen you in a month of Sundays , " said Mary . " You need to stop by a little more often . " " You know where to find me . I 'm always at the drug store , " said Mary . " Funny I ran into you here in Johnson City though . I was on a trip to Kingsport to pick up some stuff for the store and I remembered I was out of sugar . And wouldn 't you believe it , but the IGA Store was out of the ten pound bags of sugar . I never buy those five pound bags , just don 't seem to last . So I saw the Wal - Mart on my way off the highway and figured I 'd give them a try . It 's cheaper at the old Whites , but the manager said he didn 't know when they were getting more in and I don 't want to wait . I mean , it would end up being like that time we all had to wait on the big cans of JFG Coffee and they didn 't get it in for six months . But anyway , I remembered I needed more sugar and I was out this way and - " " Uncle Charlie ? We 've got that roast in the oven , " said Cindy , politely interrupting and seeing the expression on Charlie 's face . She barely knew him , but the expression of " help me " was the same the world over . " Yeah , we do . Hate to cut it short Mary , but we 've got to get running . Cindy here is cooking up a roast and we just came out for a quick trip , " he said . " Well , don 't you be a stranger . You swing on by and sit down for a glass of tea , " said Mary . " Nice to meet you . " " Okay , ham it is , " laughed Charlie . The drive back to the farm was spent talking once again and once they returned , Cindy changed clothes to do the chores he had requested she do . Had she refused , he would have ended up doing it himself , but she had " volunteered " and came into the barn in her new work clothing . " Take from the back , the part closest to the wall and move it on over to the door . The neighbors are coming by to pick them up tomorrow . You can help load then too if you want , " said Charlie . He went back to sharpening the blades taken from a riding lawnmower and watched her out of the corner of his eye . She initially tried carrying it up and down , but failed as it continued to slip out of her hands . She tried lengthwise as well and found she couldn 't grip her hands around the bale . Eventually she remembered having the gloves stuffed into the cargo pocket of the BDU pants she had on and grabbed it by the wire and managed to get it over to the doorway . Finding the best way of carrying it took several tries , but she seemed to have a good system going after the first five . But it wasn 't easy work as she grunted at attempting to lift the bales and carry them over . She noticed he was watching her carefully , although not being obvious about it . " I am unsure of that . One of our patrols asked us to run it by name and date of birth . We came back with a hit , " said Mitch . " I 'll be in touch with the New York authorities , " said Mitch as he ended the call . He felt a chill run down her spine as her father had all but verified the claims she had made . He would have to check further , but there was a good chance the claim of the arranged marriage was real . A fifteen year old could make up a lot of stories , but this was one that typically wouldn 't enter their mind unless there was some truth to the matter . Such an outlandish tale could easily be refuted until an official investigation was made . And until such time , Mitch would ensure she was protected as was his job as Sheriff . Mohammed Hassan looked at the phone and the fast dial tone it was beeping at him since he had yet to hang up . He wasn 't sure if the person who called was who they claimed to be and had been prying a little too much for his tastes . He put the phone on the receiver and thought about the conversation he had just had . Mohammed Hassan , formerly known as Stephen Grant was living in a small planned community of Muslims in upstate New York . He had practiced many forms of religion before deciding Islam was his preferred choice in his life , but had one thing in common with each of them . Each religion he practiced he took his zeal to new levels . While many were content to live their lives in full devotion to God 's work , Stephen Grant went above and beyond practicing the religion in complete control of his life , and in turn his family 's life and any other life he could preach it to . His devotion to whatever religion he happened to be practicing bordered on fanatical and relentless in his pursuit of demanding others believe what he believed . But all his life he had searched for more than just what Judaism , Christianity , Catholicism , Buddhism and others were teaching . He finally found what he was looking for three years prior in the form of Islam and immediately converted and changed his life to the calling of Allah and Mohammed his prophet . But he still wasn 't content until he fell in with the group in New York . The extreme teaching of the Imam there made him realize even the more moderate groups of Muslims in the United States had fallen away from the true faith . And so he had packed up his family and moved to the small community near Rochester . Being secluded from the main city , they had the freedom to practice the highly volatile version of Islam without interference from the outside and to train new warriors for the coming fight he predicted . His wife , two daughters and son had been given new names in accordance with his religion and he had forced the conversion of them all . And the conduct of the women would have been considered harsh even by the Taliban standards . His wife and two daughters were always fully clothed from head to toe and nobody was able to see their faces . His son was being taught the proper role of a Muslim male in the private school and he had hopes to send him off to the more advanced school in Pakistan later in his life . But the phone call had him worried . His eldest daughter had disappeared one night not to be seen again . The local law enforcement had been contacted and a report filed , but they had not seen her since she slipped away quietly one night . But for her to turn up in California was unusual . She had been resistant to the teachings of the community since their arrival and had been punished on several occasions for impudence . She was being stubborn , much like he was , but it was her role to be obedient in the community and a roll she needed to learn . His wife had admitted to missing some clothing after a savage beating by him and the members of the community , but had no other knowledge of her leaving . But then again , it wasn 't completely unexpected as she had already gone to the police attempting to stop the planned marriage to the Imam . But being good members of the faith , they had reported her behavior to him and the Imam and she had been dealt with . But one thing was for certain , his daughter needed to be brought back to the fold before she dishonored his family . He needed her pure for the Imam 's wishes and the longer she was away , there was more of a chance of her being compromised . Plus the added attention given by law enforcement peeking in on what was going on and the State social workers stood a good chance of wrecking the harmony of the community . The alarm went off at 5 : 00 AM as it always did . Charlie was the kind of person who could be up and at the world within fifteen seconds of the alarm going off . He stretched out his arms over his head and rolled over to look at the picture of Annie as he always did . And as always he wondered what his life would have been like had she still been alive . His daughter would have been in school by now had everything that transpired not happened . He rolled out of bed and grabbed at the shirt sitting on the chair next to the bed . He had no serious plans for the day as the hay bales had taken care of themselves yesterday , well , not by themselves , but he did like having the " hired hand " around to help out . Besides the neighbors coming over to grab the hay bales and the trip to the grocery store , he had no serious plans . The chickens needed to be fed , coops cleaned out and the fields checked on , but nothing more serious than that . Just a lazy Saturday for a change . But Charlie was one of those people who tended to make work for himself rather than just sit around . He walked downstairs and put on a pot of coffee and took in the morning , watching the sun come up from the east in vibrant reds , oranges and yellows . He thought to go out and wake up Cindy , but she needed her rest after her work yesterday . She wasn 't used to the hard labor farming often entailed and he needed to take it a bit easier on her since she could get hurt without conditioning into it first . Since there wasn 't anything serious on the horizon that day , she could take the day to rest up . And of course there was Sunday and church . He wasn 't sure how to approach her about it and decided to make it her choice . She had enough religion shoved on her from her family so she claimed , and he didn 't want to add to that if he could avoid it . But he had no idea what to do with her while he went to church . He would play that by ear as it came up . The coffee was sputtering into the pot and he had enough for a cup . Pouring it out , he went outside to the chicken coops and checked on his flock . He didn 't keep many chickens around , but enough to keep him in eggs , fresh meat and some extra to sell at the farmer 's market from time to time . It was still fairly early for them but once he appeared , they knew it was morning time and came out of the coop and into the pen area . He tossed out the cracked corn and they went slightly nuts as they typically did . His rooster would typically lead the charge into the feed but this morning was behind the rest of the group as he peeked out of the coops . Charlie checked the coops for fresh eggs and found several hens had laid in the past day . Not wanting the eggs to go to waste , he gathered them up and decided on eggs and bacon for breakfast this morning . The flock was still outside , making quite the racket as they typically did and scratching around in the pen at the feed . The coops could wait until the afternoon to be cleaned out and he had good plans to put the old straw and shavings into the garden plot he wasn 't using that year . By the next year , it would be fertilized very well and should produce his record crops as he always did . " No objections from me , " she said and looked at the chickens . The Rhode Island Reds continued scratching at the feed he had put out and ignored her for the most part except one . It wandered over to her and looked up with its head * * * * ed at an angle as chickens do . Eventually it went back to scratching in the dirt for the feed . " They are kind of cute . " " Well , the Reynolds ' are coming over this morning to pick up their hay and I 've got some further arranging to do in the barn . Grocery store this afternoon and hadn 't planned on supper just yet . Anything on your mind ? " he asked . " Okay , I 'll give you that , " said Charlie as he finished up in the coops and headed back to the house with Cindy in tow . The eggs were placed in the refrigerator except for five he kept out for breakfast . He grabbed the bacon from the bottom drawer and set it out on the counter along with the mixing for the biscuits . She watched him intently as she was not used to having a man around to do the kitchen work . But at the same time , she wanted to do something and asked to help . She measured out the portion for four of them and started mixing everything up while he got the stove ready for the bacon and the eggs . They sat in silence as he really had no idea what to say about then , but was curious about her to say the least . He wondered how Mark 's quest for information went yesterday and figured he would be getting paid a visit from his friend . Cindy was busy getting herself messy and making up the dough for the biscuits while he got everything else ready . She did happen to notice he had the eggs from the coops that morning . " Eggs in the supermarket come from the same place these do . These just happen to be quite a bit fresher than the ones you get from there . Trust me , don 't knock this until you try it . Best eggs you 'll ever have , " he said . " Wax paper is in the next drawer down and … hold on , " said Charlie after seeing her hands . She had been kneading the dough by hand and had the sticky mess all over herself . He grabbed the roller , wax paper and the biscuit cutter and set them on the table for her . She went back to what she was doing and started rolling out the dough , making quite the mess in the process . He remarked at the scene as well . " Suppose so , " he said as he watched her cut the four biscuits out and set them off to the side . There was only a little left over and she got ready to through it away . " Hold on , I 'll toss that in as well . " " Fried will be okay , " she said . He added in the other two in the pan , cutting at the sides to keep them where they were supposed to be . While they were cooking up , he went to the fridge and grabbed the milk , butter and jelly and set them on the table . The eggs were finally finished and he set everything out on the table while she got the items from the stove , making work for herself since she felt quite useless at that moment . He said the blessing and they began to fix everything for the meal . She tried the bacon first and found it acceptable , the biscuits she couldn 't complain about since she was the one that prepared them , but had yet to try the eggs . She finally figured out she couldn 't avoid it and wondered what the local hospital was like after she contracted salmonella . But much to her surprise , the eggs were outstanding . He stopped and set back from the table , thinking of the question . " Cindy , I 've seen a lot of crazy things in my life . Heard of things even crazier . But never in my life would I ever have imagined something like this going on in the United States , much less figure on meeting someone it happened to in upper East Tennessee . I 've got no reason to doubt you , but you have to understand , it is kind of farfetched . " " It 's an ' I 'm going to wait and see . ' I 've got no reason to doubt your story at all . I take things I hear at face value unless I know for a fact the person is lying . I think you are telling the truth . I 've got no reason not to believe you do I ? " he asked . He thought about the questions and couldn 't come up with a decent answer right then . He had no idea why he was doing it . " Dunno , just felt like the right thing to do , " he finally answered . It was a good enough answer for the moment and his feelings were something he never questioned . " No problem , " he said , still wondering what exactly made him stop that night . It was a question he hadn 't really thought about until that time and needed to think on it more later when he could be alone . The telephone ringing broke him out of his concentration and he went over to answer it .
|
Funny thing about a spark . Typically it just burns for a split second and goes away quietly . Millions , perhaps billions of sparks happen daily and nothing ever happens . They just illuminate quickly and go away , just as quickly . Nobody ever gives them a second thought . But sometimes that spark comes in contact with a volatile material and ignites it . We sometimes do our best to avoid them , like explosive workers . But sometimes that spark just happens to come in contact with said volatile material and an explosion happens . Call it destiny or happenstance ; it happens no matter what precautions we take . We can do everything on the planet to prevent that spark , but sometimes it just happens whether we want it to or not . And in other times , people feel the need to pour gasoline on the pile of sweating dynamite while lighting a cigar and talking on their cell phone … He studied her with a knowing look and peered into her eyes . The eyes were always told of how old a person was , how much they had seen and furthermore , what they happened to be thinking . " How old did you say you were ? " " Again , kind of young to be smoking , but it 's your lungs , " he said as he dug in his pocket and grabbed at the lighter he carried there . He cupped his hand and lit the cigarette as she puffed at it . He took the time to notice she didn 't inhale and rather puffed at it without drawing in the smoke . " Just letting you know , " he said and turned to walk back to his truck . He put the groceries in the lockbox in the bed and unlocked the door . After getting inside , he took a second look at the girl waiting near the doorway , continually looking around the parking lot and at the people going in and out of the store like she was waiting on something or someone . He started the vehicle and put it into gear before taking another look at her . When he looked into her eyes a few moments ago , he also noticed she had a look of fear , of anxiousness and of a need for help . She was scared , but he had no idea of who or what . He could have dialed up the Erwin Police and sent out a unit to check on her and debated that for a moment . But in the end , sighed and decided to figure out what she needed before making any judgment calls . He drove back to the entrance , her eyes following him the whole way . " You want to buckle up ? " he asked as he pulled away from the door . She grabbed at the seatbelt and pulled it over , locking it in place . " So , where you from ? " She laughed at the comment and looked out the window at the trees passing by on the two lane highway . The look of fear had disappeared from her face , but the anxiousness still was in her eyes . The remainder of the drive was spent in silence from Erwin to Unicoi Tennessee . He eventually reached his turn off spot by Jones Hardware and came to a stop . " I 'm turning towards home from here , " he said . " Well , thanks for the ride Mister , " she said . She grabbed the pack at her feet and popped open the door , walking over in the parking lot next to the roadway . When she got there , she looked north and south along the road , wondering what to do next . " Listen , it 's going to be dark in a couple of hours and there isn 't any place in town to take you in . You don 't have any place to go and the sheriff will bust you for vagrancy if he finds you sleeping out on a store front somewhere . I 've got a guesthouse at my place and I can put you up for the night if you want , " he offered . She contemplated his offer for about two seconds before deciding the chance to sleep in an actual bed and take an actual shower appealed to her more than trying to find a place to sleep out again . For all I know , he could be a serial killer , weird axe murderer or some pervert , but I just don 't get that vibe from him she thought and made her choice . She hopped back off the sidewalk and got back into the vehicle . " Just for the night . " Cindy had spent a restless night sleeping off and on , worrying about her newfound " friend " from the previous night . Not that she didn 't trust him , but she just didn 't … trust him fully . But she had a plan for that as well . She carried a claw hammer in her bag just in case and had slept with it under her pillow that night , waking up at the strangest sound and slightest creak of the cabin and grabbing it every time in case she needed to use it . But the night had passed without incident and she wondered what kind of situation she was getting into . Plus , she wondered if she should tell him what brought her to this small farm in East Tennessee . It was going to be daybreak soon and she could see the early morning gray associated with just before the sun began to rise . She rose out of the bed , feeling somewhat uncomfortable wearing the clothing of the man 's dead wife , but until she could get inside and grab her own clothing , she was kind of stuck with it . She looked in the mirror and saw the dark rings under her eyes from the restless night she spent and decided she didn 't need to worry that much about it next time . Her life was in her own hands now and she needed to start thinking on that level . She had a shudder at the thought of what she had been in before and decided it wasn 't so bad being in this strange bedroom in a strange place and with a stranger watching over her . She contemplated taking another shower and decided it would be better if she get it out of the way quickly before getting underway that day . " Absolutely , " said Mitch as they entered the kitchen . He grabbed a cup since this was not the first visit to the farm he had done before . Lifelong friends since kindergarten , the two got along great and often bounced ideas off each other . Mitch fought against the corruption so evident in a small county sheriff and had very few people in the area he could call a true friend . Charlie was one of the few that he could rely on , thick or thin . But by and large , the county appreciated what he did and had reelected him into his position again by a large majority . " One of the deputies called in sick . His wife and kid are down with a stomach bug so I 'm filling in on his shift today . Plus your call has me curious , " said Mitch as he poured a cup of coffee . " Eight O ' clock brand ? " " Yeah , decided to give it a try after I had that cup at the courthouse . Smells rich , " said Charlie . " Found something in Erwin that has me kind of curious . Young girl , runaway I think . No story to speak of and not from around here either . Says she is from Cleveland Ohio , but her accent is kind of New England . Won 't talk , but looks scared to death at what she came from , " said Charlie . " No , I don 't think she 's any of those . She doesn 't fit the profile or at least for now . Maybe down the road , but not at the moment . You know me , I like to help people , " said Charlie . " I can send out a ping with her name and address , but thousands of young girls go missing each year . Like searching for a needle in a haystack , but we could get lucky . However , without a decent address , we aren 't going to get that lucky , " said Mitch . " Name ? " Charlie turned and looked where Mitch was motioning his head and sure enough , Cindy was coming through the yard towards the back door . " Yeah , that 's her . She was probably going to sneak out quietly . " " I do and if it was anyone else , I wouldn 't believe them . But yes Charlie , you 're a good guy and wouldn 't take advantage of the situation . Annie , God rest her soul , would come back and haunt you for the rest of your life and you wouldn 't forgive yourself in the first place , " said Mitch . " I am helping you . But you won 't talk to me so I had no other choice . I think you need help , but for the life of me I don 't know what kind . He can help with whatever problems you have . Trust me , I 've known Mitch Brewer my whole life and if there is anyone who can help you , it 's him , " said Charlie patiently . " Thanks , but no thanks . I 'm leaving , " she said and went into the laundry room to grab her items . She was intercepted by Mitch . " Listen young lady . Charlie Gray is a downright great guy and I trust him without question . If he says you are in trouble and in need of help , I 'm going to give it to him . Now we can do this the easy way or the hard way , " said the Sheriff . She continued to look at them with a tear streaming down her face . She had no idea if these two could help her and she immediately distrusted any law enforcement since they had been no help before . She had no idea what to do except escape once again when the cir * * * stances would let her . She had no idea neither one of the men would let her . " Negative , I 've got Charlie with me , " said Mitch into the radio . He turned back to Cindy and softened his look . " Want to start at the top ? " Cindy sat down at the table and started talking . Who she was , where she came from , how long it took her to get here and what drove her away to start with . She was fifteen years old and from a small community near Rochester New York . And she had another name as well for him to put out on the computer systems , Haseena Hassan . Her father had converted over to Islam three years prior and drug his family along with him including his children . But that 's where the problems just started . Her father had fallen in with a radical Imam preaching in a small community in upstate New York and his leanings were now closer to being on the dangerous fringe rather than in moderation which many practiced . Upon moving his family closer to the congregation , he also forced the new name change to Hassan and gave the remainder of his children new Islamic names . She had a younger brother and sister and he started enforcing a strict Islamic dress code . The school where they lived was a private one and closed to females of all types . There weren 't that many girl children around , but all were forced to wear the traditional hijab and the full length abaya , and some were even forced to wear the niqāb if their father enforced the strict dress code . And her father was one of those strict fundamentalists who decided his daughter would be hidden from public view at all times . And he started treating his daughters and wife differently . Physical abuse was not uncommon along with punishments for minor transgressions . " But that 's not why I left . My father told me I was to be married to a man in the congregation , the Imam . He is forty - seven years old and my father told me I was to marry him and keep him happy as it was what Allah wanted , " she cried , thinking over what had happened the previous week . " I KNOW ! " she exclaimed through tears . " Why come all the way to Tennessee though ? Why not go to the police up there ? " asked Charlie . " I didn 't think of going to them . I managed to steal some money out of my father 's wallet and some old clothing from my mother and run away two nights before I was to be wed to him . I caught a ride to the nearest bus stop and headed south from there . I managed to make it to near Roanoke before the money ran out and I managed to hitch rides from there . I had made it to this town when Charlie found me , " said Cindy crying . " I 've got no reason to doubt her , " said Mitch , thinking of what had been said . " I mean , the story could be made up , but it 's not . I can 't tell you why except that little hunch I 've got . " " I don 't know . Just the funny feeling I get . I 'd rather do it from one of the State terminals at the Troopers ' office or in Johnson City myself . Preferably a place they can 't easily track , " said Mitch . " I 'm thinking I might not like what kind of answers I get if we get a hit , " said Mitch . " And let 's just play this out . Let 's say for a moment what she told us was true . Her parents are going to want to come get her or we bring her to them . Now I ain 't about to take some young girl who should be worried about a prom date back to be married to some dirty old man . I put her name out across the TBI terminal and it comes back with a hit , especially if she was reported missing . The hit is traced back to my office . It gives them a place to start looking . And I 'd rather keep her under wraps until we can figure out what she said is true . " " I 'm rarely shocked in my life . Can 't say I 've seen everything , but not too many things in this life surprise me . But I will admit this is in my top three if it pans out , " said Mitch . " No … well , I don 't know . Depends on how you look at it . I mean , political asylum means you are escaping a place because of your political beliefs and whatnot . Religion is in there as well I think . I mean , she doesn 't want to be in her current environment . But anyway , it 's about whether or not the State is allowing it to happen , " said Mitch . " Finish the dishes like you promised , " he chuckled and grabbed a planner with numbers in the contacts list . He found the number he wanted after looking through several pages . Grabbing the cordless phone , he walked outside and dialed the number . " Mayor says this place is as good as any , but I didn 't give him specifics . His quote : ' that Charlie Gray guy is as good as anyone even if he 's not on the list . ' It 'll take me at least two days to find a decent foster home in any case , so I think you are qualified . I 'll have the county sign off on your paperwork today declaring you as a foster home and make this legal , " said Mitch . " First off , we 're working on it . Gonna take some time , but patience is a virtue . In the meantime , do you have a place to stay ? " he asked , knowing the answer in advance . " Well , that 's an option , but not one I 'm particularly comfortable with . I mean , you 're a pretty young girl and I happen to be single . Lots of rumors get started that way , " he said . " Okay , as long as you 're comfortable with it , " said Charlie . " But I have a few ground rules if you plan on staying . Sure , you 're my guest , but you have to earn your keep around here . " " You have to work hard , if you don 't know how to do it , I 'll show you . You keep up with your school lessons if and when you happen to still be around when school starts . And you mind your manners . You may think you 're sassy and stubborn , but you 'll find me the most stubborn mule this side of the Mississippi . I ain 't gonna yell at you , beat you or nothing like that , but I do expect you to mind your manners ' round me . Can you accept this ? " asked Charlie . " I 'm kind of sassy , I know . My father calls it impudent , but anyway . Can you bear it a little ? I 'll try to watch myself , but please let me know if I step out of bounds , " she asked . " Charlie , I 've been missing you lately . You haven 't come into town like you used to , " said Mary , turning back to Charlie and pretty much ignoring Cindy . It was fairly obvious who the object of Mary 's attention was by the eyes she flashed at Charlie . " Not what Barb or Julie says . They said they haven 't seen you in a month of Sundays , " said Mary . " You need to stop by a little more often . " " You know where to find me . I 'm always at the drug store , " said Mary . " Funny I ran into you here in Johnson City though . I was on a trip to Kingsport to pick up some stuff for the store and I remembered I was out of sugar . And wouldn 't you believe it , but the IGA Store was out of the ten pound bags of sugar . I never buy those five pound bags , just don 't seem to last . So I saw the Wal - Mart on my way off the highway and figured I 'd give them a try . It 's cheaper at the old Whites , but the manager said he didn 't know when they were getting more in and I don 't want to wait . I mean , it would end up being like that time we all had to wait on the big cans of JFG Coffee and they didn 't get it in for six months . But anyway , I remembered I needed more sugar and I was out this way and - " " Uncle Charlie ? We 've got that roast in the oven , " said Cindy , politely interrupting and seeing the expression on Charlie 's face . She barely knew him , but the expression of " help me " was the same the world over . " Yeah , we do . Hate to cut it short Mary , but we 've got to get running . Cindy here is cooking up a roast and we just came out for a quick trip , " he said . " Well , don 't you be a stranger . You swing on by and sit down for a glass of tea , " said Mary . " Nice to meet you . " " Okay , ham it is , " laughed Charlie . The drive back to the farm was spent talking once again and once they returned , Cindy changed clothes to do the chores he had requested she do . Had she refused , he would have ended up doing it himself , but she had " volunteered " and came into the barn in her new work clothing . " Take from the back , the part closest to the wall and move it on over to the door . The neighbors are coming by to pick them up tomorrow . You can help load then too if you want , " said Charlie . He went back to sharpening the blades taken from a riding lawnmower and watched her out of the corner of his eye . She initially tried carrying it up and down , but failed as it continued to slip out of her hands . She tried lengthwise as well and found she couldn 't grip her hands around the bale . Eventually she remembered having the gloves stuffed into the cargo pocket of the BDU pants she had on and grabbed it by the wire and managed to get it over to the doorway . Finding the best way of carrying it took several tries , but she seemed to have a good system going after the first five . But it wasn 't easy work as she grunted at attempting to lift the bales and carry them over . She noticed he was watching her carefully , although not being obvious about it . " I am unsure of that . One of our patrols asked us to run it by name and date of birth . We came back with a hit , " said Mitch . " I 'll be in touch with the New York authorities , " said Mitch as he ended the call . He felt a chill run down her spine as her father had all but verified the claims she had made . He would have to check further , but there was a good chance the claim of the arranged marriage was real . A fifteen year old could make up a lot of stories , but this was one that typically wouldn 't enter their mind unless there was some truth to the matter . Such an outlandish tale could easily be refuted until an official investigation was made . And until such time , Mitch would ensure she was protected as was his job as Sheriff . Mohammed Hassan looked at the phone and the fast dial tone it was beeping at him since he had yet to hang up . He wasn 't sure if the person who called was who they claimed to be and had been prying a little too much for his tastes . He put the phone on the receiver and thought about the conversation he had just had . Mohammed Hassan , formerly known as Stephen Grant was living in a small planned community of Muslims in upstate New York . He had practiced many forms of religion before deciding Islam was his preferred choice in his life , but had one thing in common with each of them . Each religion he practiced he took his zeal to new levels . While many were content to live their lives in full devotion to God 's work , Stephen Grant went above and beyond practicing the religion in complete control of his life , and in turn his family 's life and any other life he could preach it to . His devotion to whatever religion he happened to be practicing bordered on fanatical and relentless in his pursuit of demanding others believe what he believed . But all his life he had searched for more than just what Judaism , Christianity , Catholicism , Buddhism and others were teaching . He finally found what he was looking for three years prior in the form of Islam and immediately converted and changed his life to the calling of Allah and Mohammed his prophet . But he still wasn 't content until he fell in with the group in New York . The extreme teaching of the Imam there made him realize even the more moderate groups of Muslims in the United States had fallen away from the true faith . And so he had packed up his family and moved to the small community near Rochester . Being secluded from the main city , they had the freedom to practice the highly volatile version of Islam without interference from the outside and to train new warriors for the coming fight he predicted . His wife , two daughters and son had been given new names in accordance with his religion and he had forced the conversion of them all . And the conduct of the women would have been considered harsh even by the Taliban standards . His wife and two daughters were always fully clothed from head to toe and nobody was able to see their faces . His son was being taught the proper role of a Muslim male in the private school and he had hopes to send him off to the more advanced school in Pakistan later in his life . But the phone call had him worried . His eldest daughter had disappeared one night not to be seen again . The local law enforcement had been contacted and a report filed , but they had not seen her since she slipped away quietly one night . But for her to turn up in California was unusual . She had been resistant to the teachings of the community since their arrival and had been punished on several occasions for impudence . She was being stubborn , much like he was , but it was her role to be obedient in the community and a roll she needed to learn . His wife had admitted to missing some clothing after a savage beating by him and the members of the community , but had no other knowledge of her leaving . But then again , it wasn 't completely unexpected as she had already gone to the police attempting to stop the planned marriage to the Imam . But being good members of the faith , they had reported her behavior to him and the Imam and she had been dealt with . But one thing was for certain , his daughter needed to be brought back to the fold before she dishonored his family . He needed her pure for the Imam 's wishes and the longer she was away , there was more of a chance of her being compromised . Plus the added attention given by law enforcement peeking in on what was going on and the State social workers stood a good chance of wrecking the harmony of the community . The alarm went off at 5 : 00 AM as it always did . Charlie was the kind of person who could be up and at the world within fifteen seconds of the alarm going off . He stretched out his arms over his head and rolled over to look at the picture of Annie as he always did . And as always he wondered what his life would have been like had she still been alive . His daughter would have been in school by now had everything that transpired not happened . He rolled out of bed and grabbed at the shirt sitting on the chair next to the bed . He had no serious plans for the day as the hay bales had taken care of themselves yesterday , well , not by themselves , but he did like having the " hired hand " around to help out . Besides the neighbors coming over to grab the hay bales and the trip to the grocery store , he had no serious plans . The chickens needed to be fed , coops cleaned out and the fields checked on , but nothing more serious than that . Just a lazy Saturday for a change . But Charlie was one of those people who tended to make work for himself rather than just sit around . He walked downstairs and put on a pot of coffee and took in the morning , watching the sun come up from the east in vibrant reds , oranges and yellows . He thought to go out and wake up Cindy , but she needed her rest after her work yesterday . She wasn 't used to the hard labor farming often entailed and he needed to take it a bit easier on her since she could get hurt without conditioning into it first . Since there wasn 't anything serious on the horizon that day , she could take the day to rest up . And of course there was Sunday and church . He wasn 't sure how to approach her about it and decided to make it her choice . She had enough religion shoved on her from her family so she claimed , and he didn 't want to add to that if he could avoid it . But he had no idea what to do with her while he went to church . He would play that by ear as it came up . The coffee was sputtering into the pot and he had enough for a cup . Pouring it out , he went outside to the chicken coops and checked on his flock . He didn 't keep many chickens around , but enough to keep him in eggs , fresh meat and some extra to sell at the farmer 's market from time to time . It was still fairly early for them but once he appeared , they knew it was morning time and came out of the coop and into the pen area . He tossed out the cracked corn and they went slightly nuts as they typically did . His rooster would typically lead the charge into the feed but this morning was behind the rest of the group as he peeked out of the coops . Charlie checked the coops for fresh eggs and found several hens had laid in the past day . Not wanting the eggs to go to waste , he gathered them up and decided on eggs and bacon for breakfast this morning . The flock was still outside , making quite the racket as they typically did and scratching around in the pen at the feed . The coops could wait until the afternoon to be cleaned out and he had good plans to put the old straw and shavings into the garden plot he wasn 't using that year . By the next year , it would be fertilized very well and should produce his record crops as he always did . " No objections from me , " she said and looked at the chickens . The Rhode Island Reds continued scratching at the feed he had put out and ignored her for the most part except one . It wandered over to her and looked up with its head * * * * ed at an angle as chickens do . Eventually it went back to scratching in the dirt for the feed . " They are kind of cute . " " Well , the Reynolds ' are coming over this morning to pick up their hay and I 've got some further arranging to do in the barn . Grocery store this afternoon and hadn 't planned on supper just yet . Anything on your mind ? " he asked . " Okay , I 'll give you that , " said Charlie as he finished up in the coops and headed back to the house with Cindy in tow . The eggs were placed in the refrigerator except for five he kept out for breakfast . He grabbed the bacon from the bottom drawer and set it out on the counter along with the mixing for the biscuits . She watched him intently as she was not used to having a man around to do the kitchen work . But at the same time , she wanted to do something and asked to help . She measured out the portion for four of them and started mixing everything up while he got the stove ready for the bacon and the eggs . They sat in silence as he really had no idea what to say about then , but was curious about her to say the least . He wondered how Mark 's quest for information went yesterday and figured he would be getting paid a visit from his friend . Cindy was busy getting herself messy and making up the dough for the biscuits while he got everything else ready . She did happen to notice he had the eggs from the coops that morning . " Eggs in the supermarket come from the same place these do . These just happen to be quite a bit fresher than the ones you get from there . Trust me , don 't knock this until you try it . Best eggs you 'll ever have , " he said . " Wax paper is in the next drawer down and … hold on , " said Charlie after seeing her hands . She had been kneading the dough by hand and had the sticky mess all over herself . He grabbed the roller , wax paper and the biscuit cutter and set them on the table for her . She went back to what she was doing and started rolling out the dough , making quite the mess in the process . He remarked at the scene as well . " Suppose so , " he said as he watched her cut the four biscuits out and set them off to the side . There was only a little left over and she got ready to through it away . " Hold on , I 'll toss that in as well . " " Fried will be okay , " she said . He added in the other two in the pan , cutting at the sides to keep them where they were supposed to be . While they were cooking up , he went to the fridge and grabbed the milk , butter and jelly and set them on the table . The eggs were finally finished and he set everything out on the table while she got the items from the stove , making work for herself since she felt quite useless at that moment . He said the blessing and they began to fix everything for the meal . She tried the bacon first and found it acceptable , the biscuits she couldn 't complain about since she was the one that prepared them , but had yet to try the eggs . She finally figured out she couldn 't avoid it and wondered what the local hospital was like after she contracted salmonella . But much to her surprise , the eggs were outstanding . He stopped and set back from the table , thinking of the question . " Cindy , I 've seen a lot of crazy things in my life . Heard of things even crazier . But never in my life would I ever have imagined something like this going on in the United States , much less figure on meeting someone it happened to in upper East Tennessee . I 've got no reason to doubt you , but you have to understand , it is kind of farfetched . " " It 's an ' I 'm going to wait and see . ' I 've got no reason to doubt your story at all . I take things I hear at face value unless I know for a fact the person is lying . I think you are telling the truth . I 've got no reason not to believe you do I ? " he asked . He thought about the questions and couldn 't come up with a decent answer right then . He had no idea why he was doing it . " Dunno , just felt like the right thing to do , " he finally answered . It was a good enough answer for the moment and his feelings were something he never questioned . " No problem , " he said , still wondering what exactly made him stop that night . It was a question he hadn 't really thought about until that time and needed to think on it more later when he could be alone . The telephone ringing broke him out of his concentration and he went over to answer it .
|
Funny thing about a spark . Typically it just burns for a split second and goes away quietly . Millions , perhaps billions of sparks happen daily and nothing ever happens . They just illuminate quickly and go away , just as quickly . Nobody ever gives them a second thought . But sometimes that spark comes in contact with a volatile material and ignites it . We sometimes do our best to avoid them , like explosive workers . But sometimes that spark just happens to come in contact with said volatile material and an explosion happens . Call it destiny or happenstance ; it happens no matter what precautions we take . We can do everything on the planet to prevent that spark , but sometimes it just happens whether we want it to or not . And in other times , people feel the need to pour gasoline on the pile of sweating dynamite while lighting a cigar and talking on their cell phone … He studied her with a knowing look and peered into her eyes . The eyes were always told of how old a person was , how much they had seen and furthermore , what they happened to be thinking . " How old did you say you were ? " " Again , kind of young to be smoking , but it 's your lungs , " he said as he dug in his pocket and grabbed at the lighter he carried there . He cupped his hand and lit the cigarette as she puffed at it . He took the time to notice she didn 't inhale and rather puffed at it without drawing in the smoke . " Just letting you know , " he said and turned to walk back to his truck . He put the groceries in the lockbox in the bed and unlocked the door . After getting inside , he took a second look at the girl waiting near the doorway , continually looking around the parking lot and at the people going in and out of the store like she was waiting on something or someone . He started the vehicle and put it into gear before taking another look at her . When he looked into her eyes a few moments ago , he also noticed she had a look of fear , of anxiousness and of a need for help . She was scared , but he had no idea of who or what . He could have dialed up the Erwin Police and sent out a unit to check on her and debated that for a moment . But in the end , sighed and decided to figure out what she needed before making any judgment calls . He drove back to the entrance , her eyes following him the whole way . " You want to buckle up ? " he asked as he pulled away from the door . She grabbed at the seatbelt and pulled it over , locking it in place . " So , where you from ? " She laughed at the comment and looked out the window at the trees passing by on the two lane highway . The look of fear had disappeared from her face , but the anxiousness still was in her eyes . The remainder of the drive was spent in silence from Erwin to Unicoi Tennessee . He eventually reached his turn off spot by Jones Hardware and came to a stop . " I 'm turning towards home from here , " he said . " Well , thanks for the ride Mister , " she said . She grabbed the pack at her feet and popped open the door , walking over in the parking lot next to the roadway . When she got there , she looked north and south along the road , wondering what to do next . " Listen , it 's going to be dark in a couple of hours and there isn 't any place in town to take you in . You don 't have any place to go and the sheriff will bust you for vagrancy if he finds you sleeping out on a store front somewhere . I 've got a guesthouse at my place and I can put you up for the night if you want , " he offered . She contemplated his offer for about two seconds before deciding the chance to sleep in an actual bed and take an actual shower appealed to her more than trying to find a place to sleep out again . For all I know , he could be a serial killer , weird axe murderer or some pervert , but I just don 't get that vibe from him she thought and made her choice . She hopped back off the sidewalk and got back into the vehicle . " Just for the night . " Cindy had spent a restless night sleeping off and on , worrying about her newfound " friend " from the previous night . Not that she didn 't trust him , but she just didn 't … trust him fully . But she had a plan for that as well . She carried a claw hammer in her bag just in case and had slept with it under her pillow that night , waking up at the strangest sound and slightest creak of the cabin and grabbing it every time in case she needed to use it . But the night had passed without incident and she wondered what kind of situation she was getting into . Plus , she wondered if she should tell him what brought her to this small farm in East Tennessee . It was going to be daybreak soon and she could see the early morning gray associated with just before the sun began to rise . She rose out of the bed , feeling somewhat uncomfortable wearing the clothing of the man 's dead wife , but until she could get inside and grab her own clothing , she was kind of stuck with it . She looked in the mirror and saw the dark rings under her eyes from the restless night she spent and decided she didn 't need to worry that much about it next time . Her life was in her own hands now and she needed to start thinking on that level . She had a shudder at the thought of what she had been in before and decided it wasn 't so bad being in this strange bedroom in a strange place and with a stranger watching over her . She contemplated taking another shower and decided it would be better if she get it out of the way quickly before getting underway that day . " Absolutely , " said Mitch as they entered the kitchen . He grabbed a cup since this was not the first visit to the farm he had done before . Lifelong friends since kindergarten , the two got along great and often bounced ideas off each other . Mitch fought against the corruption so evident in a small county sheriff and had very few people in the area he could call a true friend . Charlie was one of the few that he could rely on , thick or thin . But by and large , the county appreciated what he did and had reelected him into his position again by a large majority . " One of the deputies called in sick . His wife and kid are down with a stomach bug so I 'm filling in on his shift today . Plus your call has me curious , " said Mitch as he poured a cup of coffee . " Eight O ' clock brand ? " " Yeah , decided to give it a try after I had that cup at the courthouse . Smells rich , " said Charlie . " Found something in Erwin that has me kind of curious . Young girl , runaway I think . No story to speak of and not from around here either . Says she is from Cleveland Ohio , but her accent is kind of New England . Won 't talk , but looks scared to death at what she came from , " said Charlie . " No , I don 't think she 's any of those . She doesn 't fit the profile or at least for now . Maybe down the road , but not at the moment . You know me , I like to help people , " said Charlie . " I can send out a ping with her name and address , but thousands of young girls go missing each year . Like searching for a needle in a haystack , but we could get lucky . However , without a decent address , we aren 't going to get that lucky , " said Mitch . " Name ? " Charlie turned and looked where Mitch was motioning his head and sure enough , Cindy was coming through the yard towards the back door . " Yeah , that 's her . She was probably going to sneak out quietly . " " I do and if it was anyone else , I wouldn 't believe them . But yes Charlie , you 're a good guy and wouldn 't take advantage of the situation . Annie , God rest her soul , would come back and haunt you for the rest of your life and you wouldn 't forgive yourself in the first place , " said Mitch . " I am helping you . But you won 't talk to me so I had no other choice . I think you need help , but for the life of me I don 't know what kind . He can help with whatever problems you have . Trust me , I 've known Mitch Brewer my whole life and if there is anyone who can help you , it 's him , " said Charlie patiently . " Thanks , but no thanks . I 'm leaving , " she said and went into the laundry room to grab her items . She was intercepted by Mitch . " Listen young lady . Charlie Gray is a downright great guy and I trust him without question . If he says you are in trouble and in need of help , I 'm going to give it to him . Now we can do this the easy way or the hard way , " said the Sheriff . She continued to look at them with a tear streaming down her face . She had no idea if these two could help her and she immediately distrusted any law enforcement since they had been no help before . She had no idea what to do except escape once again when the cir * * * stances would let her . She had no idea neither one of the men would let her . " Negative , I 've got Charlie with me , " said Mitch into the radio . He turned back to Cindy and softened his look . " Want to start at the top ? " Cindy sat down at the table and started talking . Who she was , where she came from , how long it took her to get here and what drove her away to start with . She was fifteen years old and from a small community near Rochester New York . And she had another name as well for him to put out on the computer systems , Haseena Hassan . Her father had converted over to Islam three years prior and drug his family along with him including his children . But that 's where the problems just started . Her father had fallen in with a radical Imam preaching in a small community in upstate New York and his leanings were now closer to being on the dangerous fringe rather than in moderation which many practiced . Upon moving his family closer to the congregation , he also forced the new name change to Hassan and gave the remainder of his children new Islamic names . She had a younger brother and sister and he started enforcing a strict Islamic dress code . The school where they lived was a private one and closed to females of all types . There weren 't that many girl children around , but all were forced to wear the traditional hijab and the full length abaya , and some were even forced to wear the niqāb if their father enforced the strict dress code . And her father was one of those strict fundamentalists who decided his daughter would be hidden from public view at all times . And he started treating his daughters and wife differently . Physical abuse was not uncommon along with punishments for minor transgressions . " But that 's not why I left . My father told me I was to be married to a man in the congregation , the Imam . He is forty - seven years old and my father told me I was to marry him and keep him happy as it was what Allah wanted , " she cried , thinking over what had happened the previous week . " I KNOW ! " she exclaimed through tears . " Why come all the way to Tennessee though ? Why not go to the police up there ? " asked Charlie . " I didn 't think of going to them . I managed to steal some money out of my father 's wallet and some old clothing from my mother and run away two nights before I was to be wed to him . I caught a ride to the nearest bus stop and headed south from there . I managed to make it to near Roanoke before the money ran out and I managed to hitch rides from there . I had made it to this town when Charlie found me , " said Cindy crying . " I 've got no reason to doubt her , " said Mitch , thinking of what had been said . " I mean , the story could be made up , but it 's not . I can 't tell you why except that little hunch I 've got . " " I don 't know . Just the funny feeling I get . I 'd rather do it from one of the State terminals at the Troopers ' office or in Johnson City myself . Preferably a place they can 't easily track , " said Mitch . " I 'm thinking I might not like what kind of answers I get if we get a hit , " said Mitch . " And let 's just play this out . Let 's say for a moment what she told us was true . Her parents are going to want to come get her or we bring her to them . Now I ain 't about to take some young girl who should be worried about a prom date back to be married to some dirty old man . I put her name out across the TBI terminal and it comes back with a hit , especially if she was reported missing . The hit is traced back to my office . It gives them a place to start looking . And I 'd rather keep her under wraps until we can figure out what she said is true . " " I 'm rarely shocked in my life . Can 't say I 've seen everything , but not too many things in this life surprise me . But I will admit this is in my top three if it pans out , " said Mitch . " No … well , I don 't know . Depends on how you look at it . I mean , political asylum means you are escaping a place because of your political beliefs and whatnot . Religion is in there as well I think . I mean , she doesn 't want to be in her current environment . But anyway , it 's about whether or not the State is allowing it to happen , " said Mitch . " Finish the dishes like you promised , " he chuckled and grabbed a planner with numbers in the contacts list . He found the number he wanted after looking through several pages . Grabbing the cordless phone , he walked outside and dialed the number . " Mayor says this place is as good as any , but I didn 't give him specifics . His quote : ' that Charlie Gray guy is as good as anyone even if he 's not on the list . ' It 'll take me at least two days to find a decent foster home in any case , so I think you are qualified . I 'll have the county sign off on your paperwork today declaring you as a foster home and make this legal , " said Mitch . " First off , we 're working on it . Gonna take some time , but patience is a virtue . In the meantime , do you have a place to stay ? " he asked , knowing the answer in advance . " Well , that 's an option , but not one I 'm particularly comfortable with . I mean , you 're a pretty young girl and I happen to be single . Lots of rumors get started that way , " he said . " Okay , as long as you 're comfortable with it , " said Charlie . " But I have a few ground rules if you plan on staying . Sure , you 're my guest , but you have to earn your keep around here . " " You have to work hard , if you don 't know how to do it , I 'll show you . You keep up with your school lessons if and when you happen to still be around when school starts . And you mind your manners . You may think you 're sassy and stubborn , but you 'll find me the most stubborn mule this side of the Mississippi . I ain 't gonna yell at you , beat you or nothing like that , but I do expect you to mind your manners ' round me . Can you accept this ? " asked Charlie . " I 'm kind of sassy , I know . My father calls it impudent , but anyway . Can you bear it a little ? I 'll try to watch myself , but please let me know if I step out of bounds , " she asked . " Charlie , I 've been missing you lately . You haven 't come into town like you used to , " said Mary , turning back to Charlie and pretty much ignoring Cindy . It was fairly obvious who the object of Mary 's attention was by the eyes she flashed at Charlie . " Not what Barb or Julie says . They said they haven 't seen you in a month of Sundays , " said Mary . " You need to stop by a little more often . " " You know where to find me . I 'm always at the drug store , " said Mary . " Funny I ran into you here in Johnson City though . I was on a trip to Kingsport to pick up some stuff for the store and I remembered I was out of sugar . And wouldn 't you believe it , but the IGA Store was out of the ten pound bags of sugar . I never buy those five pound bags , just don 't seem to last . So I saw the Wal - Mart on my way off the highway and figured I 'd give them a try . It 's cheaper at the old Whites , but the manager said he didn 't know when they were getting more in and I don 't want to wait . I mean , it would end up being like that time we all had to wait on the big cans of JFG Coffee and they didn 't get it in for six months . But anyway , I remembered I needed more sugar and I was out this way and - " " Uncle Charlie ? We 've got that roast in the oven , " said Cindy , politely interrupting and seeing the expression on Charlie 's face . She barely knew him , but the expression of " help me " was the same the world over . " Yeah , we do . Hate to cut it short Mary , but we 've got to get running . Cindy here is cooking up a roast and we just came out for a quick trip , " he said . " Well , don 't you be a stranger . You swing on by and sit down for a glass of tea , " said Mary . " Nice to meet you . " " Okay , ham it is , " laughed Charlie . The drive back to the farm was spent talking once again and once they returned , Cindy changed clothes to do the chores he had requested she do . Had she refused , he would have ended up doing it himself , but she had " volunteered " and came into the barn in her new work clothing . " Take from the back , the part closest to the wall and move it on over to the door . The neighbors are coming by to pick them up tomorrow . You can help load then too if you want , " said Charlie . He went back to sharpening the blades taken from a riding lawnmower and watched her out of the corner of his eye . She initially tried carrying it up and down , but failed as it continued to slip out of her hands . She tried lengthwise as well and found she couldn 't grip her hands around the bale . Eventually she remembered having the gloves stuffed into the cargo pocket of the BDU pants she had on and grabbed it by the wire and managed to get it over to the doorway . Finding the best way of carrying it took several tries , but she seemed to have a good system going after the first five . But it wasn 't easy work as she grunted at attempting to lift the bales and carry them over . She noticed he was watching her carefully , although not being obvious about it . " I am unsure of that . One of our patrols asked us to run it by name and date of birth . We came back with a hit , " said Mitch . " I 'll be in touch with the New York authorities , " said Mitch as he ended the call . He felt a chill run down her spine as her father had all but verified the claims she had made . He would have to check further , but there was a good chance the claim of the arranged marriage was real . A fifteen year old could make up a lot of stories , but this was one that typically wouldn 't enter their mind unless there was some truth to the matter . Such an outlandish tale could easily be refuted until an official investigation was made . And until such time , Mitch would ensure she was protected as was his job as Sheriff . Mohammed Hassan looked at the phone and the fast dial tone it was beeping at him since he had yet to hang up . He wasn 't sure if the person who called was who they claimed to be and had been prying a little too much for his tastes . He put the phone on the receiver and thought about the conversation he had just had . Mohammed Hassan , formerly known as Stephen Grant was living in a small planned community of Muslims in upstate New York . He had practiced many forms of religion before deciding Islam was his preferred choice in his life , but had one thing in common with each of them . Each religion he practiced he took his zeal to new levels . While many were content to live their lives in full devotion to God 's work , Stephen Grant went above and beyond practicing the religion in complete control of his life , and in turn his family 's life and any other life he could preach it to . His devotion to whatever religion he happened to be practicing bordered on fanatical and relentless in his pursuit of demanding others believe what he believed . But all his life he had searched for more than just what Judaism , Christianity , Catholicism , Buddhism and others were teaching . He finally found what he was looking for three years prior in the form of Islam and immediately converted and changed his life to the calling of Allah and Mohammed his prophet . But he still wasn 't content until he fell in with the group in New York . The extreme teaching of the Imam there made him realize even the more moderate groups of Muslims in the United States had fallen away from the true faith . And so he had packed up his family and moved to the small community near Rochester . Being secluded from the main city , they had the freedom to practice the highly volatile version of Islam without interference from the outside and to train new warriors for the coming fight he predicted . His wife , two daughters and son had been given new names in accordance with his religion and he had forced the conversion of them all . And the conduct of the women would have been considered harsh even by the Taliban standards . His wife and two daughters were always fully clothed from head to toe and nobody was able to see their faces . His son was being taught the proper role of a Muslim male in the private school and he had hopes to send him off to the more advanced school in Pakistan later in his life . But the phone call had him worried . His eldest daughter had disappeared one night not to be seen again . The local law enforcement had been contacted and a report filed , but they had not seen her since she slipped away quietly one night . But for her to turn up in California was unusual . She had been resistant to the teachings of the community since their arrival and had been punished on several occasions for impudence . She was being stubborn , much like he was , but it was her role to be obedient in the community and a roll she needed to learn . His wife had admitted to missing some clothing after a savage beating by him and the members of the community , but had no other knowledge of her leaving . But then again , it wasn 't completely unexpected as she had already gone to the police attempting to stop the planned marriage to the Imam . But being good members of the faith , they had reported her behavior to him and the Imam and she had been dealt with . But one thing was for certain , his daughter needed to be brought back to the fold before she dishonored his family . He needed her pure for the Imam 's wishes and the longer she was away , there was more of a chance of her being compromised . Plus the added attention given by law enforcement peeking in on what was going on and the State social workers stood a good chance of wrecking the harmony of the community . The alarm went off at 5 : 00 AM as it always did . Charlie was the kind of person who could be up and at the world within fifteen seconds of the alarm going off . He stretched out his arms over his head and rolled over to look at the picture of Annie as he always did . And as always he wondered what his life would have been like had she still been alive . His daughter would have been in school by now had everything that transpired not happened . He rolled out of bed and grabbed at the shirt sitting on the chair next to the bed . He had no serious plans for the day as the hay bales had taken care of themselves yesterday , well , not by themselves , but he did like having the " hired hand " around to help out . Besides the neighbors coming over to grab the hay bales and the trip to the grocery store , he had no serious plans . The chickens needed to be fed , coops cleaned out and the fields checked on , but nothing more serious than that . Just a lazy Saturday for a change . But Charlie was one of those people who tended to make work for himself rather than just sit around . He walked downstairs and put on a pot of coffee and took in the morning , watching the sun come up from the east in vibrant reds , oranges and yellows . He thought to go out and wake up Cindy , but she needed her rest after her work yesterday . She wasn 't used to the hard labor farming often entailed and he needed to take it a bit easier on her since she could get hurt without conditioning into it first . Since there wasn 't anything serious on the horizon that day , she could take the day to rest up . And of course there was Sunday and church . He wasn 't sure how to approach her about it and decided to make it her choice . She had enough religion shoved on her from her family so she claimed , and he didn 't want to add to that if he could avoid it . But he had no idea what to do with her while he went to church . He would play that by ear as it came up . The coffee was sputtering into the pot and he had enough for a cup . Pouring it out , he went outside to the chicken coops and checked on his flock . He didn 't keep many chickens around , but enough to keep him in eggs , fresh meat and some extra to sell at the farmer 's market from time to time . It was still fairly early for them but once he appeared , they knew it was morning time and came out of the coop and into the pen area . He tossed out the cracked corn and they went slightly nuts as they typically did . His rooster would typically lead the charge into the feed but this morning was behind the rest of the group as he peeked out of the coops . Charlie checked the coops for fresh eggs and found several hens had laid in the past day . Not wanting the eggs to go to waste , he gathered them up and decided on eggs and bacon for breakfast this morning . The flock was still outside , making quite the racket as they typically did and scratching around in the pen at the feed . The coops could wait until the afternoon to be cleaned out and he had good plans to put the old straw and shavings into the garden plot he wasn 't using that year . By the next year , it would be fertilized very well and should produce his record crops as he always did . " No objections from me , " she said and looked at the chickens . The Rhode Island Reds continued scratching at the feed he had put out and ignored her for the most part except one . It wandered over to her and looked up with its head * * * * ed at an angle as chickens do . Eventually it went back to scratching in the dirt for the feed . " They are kind of cute . " " Well , the Reynolds ' are coming over this morning to pick up their hay and I 've got some further arranging to do in the barn . Grocery store this afternoon and hadn 't planned on supper just yet . Anything on your mind ? " he asked . " Okay , I 'll give you that , " said Charlie as he finished up in the coops and headed back to the house with Cindy in tow . The eggs were placed in the refrigerator except for five he kept out for breakfast . He grabbed the bacon from the bottom drawer and set it out on the counter along with the mixing for the biscuits . She watched him intently as she was not used to having a man around to do the kitchen work . But at the same time , she wanted to do something and asked to help . She measured out the portion for four of them and started mixing everything up while he got the stove ready for the bacon and the eggs . They sat in silence as he really had no idea what to say about then , but was curious about her to say the least . He wondered how Mark 's quest for information went yesterday and figured he would be getting paid a visit from his friend . Cindy was busy getting herself messy and making up the dough for the biscuits while he got everything else ready . She did happen to notice he had the eggs from the coops that morning . " Eggs in the supermarket come from the same place these do . These just happen to be quite a bit fresher than the ones you get from there . Trust me , don 't knock this until you try it . Best eggs you 'll ever have , " he said . " Wax paper is in the next drawer down and … hold on , " said Charlie after seeing her hands . She had been kneading the dough by hand and had the sticky mess all over herself . He grabbed the roller , wax paper and the biscuit cutter and set them on the table for her . She went back to what she was doing and started rolling out the dough , making quite the mess in the process . He remarked at the scene as well . " Suppose so , " he said as he watched her cut the four biscuits out and set them off to the side . There was only a little left over and she got ready to through it away . " Hold on , I 'll toss that in as well . " " Fried will be okay , " she said . He added in the other two in the pan , cutting at the sides to keep them where they were supposed to be . While they were cooking up , he went to the fridge and grabbed the milk , butter and jelly and set them on the table . The eggs were finally finished and he set everything out on the table while she got the items from the stove , making work for herself since she felt quite useless at that moment . He said the blessing and they began to fix everything for the meal . She tried the bacon first and found it acceptable , the biscuits she couldn 't complain about since she was the one that prepared them , but had yet to try the eggs . She finally figured out she couldn 't avoid it and wondered what the local hospital was like after she contracted salmonella . But much to her surprise , the eggs were outstanding . He stopped and set back from the table , thinking of the question . " Cindy , I 've seen a lot of crazy things in my life . Heard of things even crazier . But never in my life would I ever have imagined something like this going on in the United States , much less figure on meeting someone it happened to in upper East Tennessee . I 've got no reason to doubt you , but you have to understand , it is kind of farfetched . " " It 's an ' I 'm going to wait and see . ' I 've got no reason to doubt your story at all . I take things I hear at face value unless I know for a fact the person is lying . I think you are telling the truth . I 've got no reason not to believe you do I ? " he asked . He thought about the questions and couldn 't come up with a decent answer right then . He had no idea why he was doing it . " Dunno , just felt like the right thing to do , " he finally answered . It was a good enough answer for the moment and his feelings were something he never questioned . " No problem , " he said , still wondering what exactly made him stop that night . It was a question he hadn 't really thought about until that time and needed to think on it more later when he could be alone . The telephone ringing broke him out of his concentration and he went over to answer it .
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.