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All of us do things every day we don 't enjoy . I like some things about living in the country . There are also days when I covet a high - rise in San Francisco with not a spot of yard or chickens to lock up at night . No pens to clean out ( which is definitely my least favorite job ) . It 's like that with writing , too . Editing seems to get me down sometimes , until I turn the corner , and then fall in love with my story again , after I 've eviscerated it . I don 't want this lovely piece to become Frankenfiction , after all . But my second and third drafts can look kinda like that . Until I buff out the seams . Hopefully . So the key for me is the falling in love part . And , as a romance novelist , why wouldn 't it be ? It came to me in a blinding flash of the obvious last night as I listened to my friend . When we are passionate about our work , we excel . When we trudge through it , not so inspired . So maybe I need to clean up my relationship with editing . Make my amends , and decide to fall in love with it . I know lots of sane writers who do . They love it even more than getting down the new words . Diana Gabaldon says it 's " polishing , finding all the jewels in the story . " She says she gets excited when she edits . In my sales career , there were parts of the business I wouldn 't trade for anything . There were also some pretty dark times . What gave me great success and serious fortune was that I loved solving problems , putting people 's minds at ease . " Always be the calming one in the transaction , " a good friend taught me . There are millions of great writers out there . I will never get to meet or read them all . But even if there are a handful of people who want to read my books , by George , I 'm going to make sure I do my part . I love happy endings . One of my favorite musicals is Annie . I 've seen it live in New York . I 've seen it done locally by a kids theater group . I sang it at our church talent show with all 4 of my kids some twenty years ago , and we were pretty much on key . We had fun together on stage , scared to death , but giving people some serious entertainment . My youngest barely poked his head around my skirts . In his red bow tie and green jacket , I think he stole the show . The song Tomorrow resonates with me , especially now . We 've been emailing our daughter in China , getting long letters in return . She has gotten very homesick , but begins her teaching job today . I know once the school year kicks in , she 'll be fine . And I remind her that there are happy family times ahead . She 's far away right now , but is only a day away , like in the song . She took a walk in a park today and found a Sam 's Club . I think she felt an inkling of something familiar , something that reminded her of home , like little Annie . She 's hoping to have her first day without tears . It it isn 't tomorrow , it will be soon . What a wonderful thing to have your child realize how much she misses her family . She 's not the only one who has been crying lately . But if this little bit of pain reminds us that we miss being around each other , I 'm grateful for the experience . After all , tomorrow there 'll be sun . I am thrilled to introduce you to one of my best writing buds , Danielle Ravencraft . We have been exchanging emails and posts now for well over a year , through multiple blogs , crisscrossing on our way to fame and fortune ! She got the call in January , and hasn 't looked back since . I know you will enjoy getting to know her , and reading her work . I write erotic romance with a healthy dose of drama . I got my start in this genre because of a dream I had about two lovers , Ophelia and Trace , and the quarrel between them . Before that dream , I had never written anything erotic . I 'm usually one for urban fantasy and YA romance . But that dream kept bugging and eventually I caved and wrote it . My beta readers loved it and encouraged me to get it published , so I perused it . It turned out to be my fist acceptance . J Every story I write ends up being a series , haha . As a reader , I 've always loved series and chronicles . I 'd get so addicted to them . Writing a series is a different matter . I love it , but it presents many more challenges than a stand - alone novel does . There 's a lot more to plan and you have to be on top of your game to make sure your characters and your world stays consistent through each book . It can be down - right hard at times . By " the call " , I assume you mean the acceptance letter . J I didn 't do anything special other than write something outside my normal genre at the time . I 'm very glad I did . I think it 's the smartest move I 've made since I started writing . Otherwise I might still be struggling with my urban fantasy . Instead , the same publisher who took my erotic romance also loved my urban fantasy manuscript ! Gosh , I really love all my characters . We 're all best friends . And they are all so different in their strengths and weaknesses . Trace and Ophelia are at the front of my thoughts right now since I 've been working on continuing their story for the past few weeks . They really are a cute couple . Oh good . We get more ! Do you find it easier to write the bad boys or the good boys ? I 'm assuming both are heroic , but which ones are more fun to write ? Definitely the bad boys are more fun . Sometimes I stop mid - sentence and laugh at something they just said or did - or gasp . They make writing more fun . But the good boys can be fun too , just in a more secretive way . * wink * I 'm with you . Bad boys are so fun to write . Love finding out how good they are under that shell . What about the heroines ? Do you find it easiest to write the bad girls or the good girls ? The good girls are easier for me to write because I am a ( mostly ) good girl so it 's harder to get into the mindset of a bad girl character . I really like strong , witty or quirky female leads with a touch of sarcasm that makes you laugh . Yeah , I might have just described myself as well … I 'd have to agree with you there , Danielle . We 'd get into some trouble if we lived any closer . If you could have a date with one of your characters , which one would it be and why ? Where would you go ? Trace would take me to the field museum in Chicago followed by a few drinks and dinner at some really expensive restaurant in the city . And then ? tee hee . If you could go to a desert island with two companions , who would you bring ? What would you do there ? What would you bring if you could bring anything ? LOL . Here I thought you might put Jimmy Thomas in your suitcase too , but I can see you guys would have tons of fun . Pretend you have just sold your 100 , 000th copy of one of your books . What will you do to celebrate ? I love Anne Rice and Orson Scott Card , but I read a ton and my " current obsession " is always changing . The best recent book I 've read was " First Grave on the Right " by Darynda Jones . I 'm really looking forward to the sequel , " Second Grave on the Left " . Ohh . Two of my favorites too . Darynda is so funny . Her style does remind me of your writing , IMHO . What are you working on now ? I recently finished writing the sequel to " A Trace of Love " . The sequel is called " A Trace of Passion " . I 'm plotting the third installment , titled " A Trace of Hope " . I 'm also plotting a new novella that is a paranormal erotic romance called " Orion " . Can 't wait to read them all . So now for the fun stuff . Please give us a tease , an excerpt : Ophelia sat in her favorite spot in the entire world ; the little bar in the very back of The House of Blues . Usually The House of Blues featured local bands ; everything from Soul to Bluegrass . She couldn 't say why she loved it there . It wasn 't the music or the booze or the way reality seemed to evaporate in the dim lighting . But it was , nonetheless , her heaven . Today was one of those rare occasions when the venue starred an international band , which meant The House of Blues was packed to the brim . The concert ended and the throngs of fans made their way to the exit . The bartender winked and handed her another beer . He knew Ophelia by name and always let her linger until they locked up . Ophelia blinked as the lights brightened . Plastic cups , spilled beverages , straws , napkins , glow sticks , promotional fliers and the occasional bra littered the floor . A smile inched across her lips . Molten Silk put on a good show . Other than the bartender , bouncer , stage crew and broom boy , The House of Blues was empty and eerily silent . The guys worked quickly , ignoring Ophelia as she nursed the last sip of her drink . The worst part of the day approached ; the part where she would have to go home to an empty apartment . Laughter broke the silence as five men walked out on stage , holding bottles of something alcoholic . Ophelia ducked her head , watching the men from the corner of her eye . They were Molten Silk , the band . They looked different in normal lighting , like regular people in ridiculous Goth costumes , but she was positive it was really them . Heat rushed to her face and she looked away . " I 'm goin ' for a smoke , " said an unmistakable voice . Ophelia didn 't want to turn around and stare , but she couldn 't help peeking over her shoulder . Trace Curtis , the lead singer , headed for the door with a cigarette bobbing between his lips , lighter ready in his hand . She held her breath as he passed by , just inches behind her . She knew him back when he was Mathew Curtis , the heart - throb teen that played guitar for the lunch ladies . She didn 't know why Mathew changed his name after his debut album went platinum . Trace paused at the door . He turned around and glanced at Ophelia . She looked away , hoping he didn 't notice her staring . It 's not like it matters , she thought . He 's just going to keep right on walking out the door . " Do I know you ? " Ophelia jumped . She turned and came face to face with Trace Curtis . A small bout of panic took her mind . Should she tell him they went to high school together ? She doubted it would help . They were just as much strangers in high school as they were in adulthood and it would be best to keep it that way . She shook her head . He leaned against the bar counter . " Are you sure ? " Ophelia smiled . " I think I would remember if we met before . " Trace wet his lips . " Have a drink with me ? " She looked at her empty beer bottle . What harm could another beer do ? " Sure . " Grinning , Trace snapped his fingers and ordered two more beers . He took a seat and looked Ophelia over , letting his eyes linger just long enough to make her blush . " I could swear I 've seen you before . " She shrugged . " Maybe you have . I come here every weekend . " But Trace didn 't look convinced . " Oi , Trace ! We 're going bar hopping , mate ! Come on . " Well , that 's the end of that , thought Ophelia . But Trace didn 't move , except to wave his band mates away . " You guys go ahead ; I 'll meet you back at the hotel later . " The guys made cat - calls aimed at Ophelia , her cheeks burned scarlet . " Sorry about them , " Trace mumbled , scowling at his friends as they left . He reached for his beer at the same time Ophelia reached for hers . A tiny shock of static passed between their fingers . Ophelia jumpedDanielle Ravencraft / Erotic Romance Author THANK YOU , Danielle . It has been a pleasure having you today . I hope everyone goes out and gets this amazing book from a new author who is one to watch . I 'm so proud to consider you my friend . You could learn a lot from a little guy . I 'm a writer in training . I don 't belong to anybody , although my mom and dad think I do . Even my grandparents do . 1 . Keep your hands open . You cannot receive the miracles of the universe if you are clutching onto things , either possessions or resentments . The need to control , run the whole world is something we little people leave to those at a higher pay grade . 2 . As hard as big people try to control the world , the world still goes on in spite of them . Personally , I think you should spend more time controlling yourself , your emotions , your beliefs . Ask lots of questions . And don 't act like you know it all . God told me you don 't , so don 't pretend , okay ? You 're not fooling anyone with that big act . 3 . Everyone does the best they can . There is more out there that supports you than fights you . I 'm learning a ton every day . I 'm naturally curious , and I think right now , that serves me well . Now , I may not have as much experience as you , but like I said , I 'm mainlining the Big Guy now and he has never done me wrong . Besides , watching you big people out there is absolutely funny as heck . That 's why I 'm smiling all the time . You notice I don 't have a rudder on my boat ? 4 . Be decent and tell each other what makes you sing . What floats your boat . None of us get out of this gig alive , anyway . Why not share the good times with others . The bad times come all by themselves . 5 . Ask questions . Explore . Be curious as a way of life , rather than when you 're on vacation . We all can 't afford to be on vacation every day , anyway . I 'm happy . I don 't spend money , work in an office , worry about my clothes or what kind of car my carseat is in . I don 't really care what the other little guys are thinking about me , as long as they don 't bite . I think dogs and cats are just fine , even when I get hair all over me . That 's the way they are . They don 't seem to mind that I like to drool on them , either . Sort of works . Today I am pleased to interview author Jim Lindsey . ' A Flaw in the Fabric , Book 1 of A Travellers Guide for Lost Souls ' Historical fantasy , romance , time travel , a monk , a demon and ghosts ( lost souls . ) 1 . You first came out with an ebook , and now a traditional publisher will publish your works in print ? Which publisher is it & what works of yours will they publish ? Arcadia House Press of Halifax , Nova Scotia will be publishing my novel The Flaw in the Fabric ( Book 1 of A Travellers Guide for Lost Souls ) , and Rowga ( The Yoga of Rowing ) , a book of advice for meditators who don 't want to sit in stuffy little incense - filled rooms but would rather venture out on the ocean , which is like the great expanse of mind . 2 . When will your books in print be available ? Later this year . The publisher has not set a firm date yet . 3 . Tell us all how this came about ? I know our readers would like to hear your success so that they can be encouraged about publishing their ebooks . I 'll take that question , Sharon ( Leigh Anne speaking . ) When Jim finished his manuscript in January , he asked if I could help him find a literary agent since I 'd been going to writers ' events where I was meeting agents and learning about establishing a writers ' platform . First , I pitched an agent that is interested in my futuristic thriller . She took a look at the first 10 pages , but she turned his work down . After attending the San Francisco Writers Conference in February , where I was able to meet dozens of agents , I was very discouraged that it was the same old same old : line up line cattle to pitch an agent who then swats you down like a pesky pest . It made us both discouraged that this old - school method of publishing might be the only route for us , particularly when ebooks were making great strides . Despite our concerns about jumping off into the abyss , we decided it was best to publish Lost Souls as an ebook . Within the first month of publishing his ebook , a traditional publisher picked his book up to bring out in print later this year ! ( A7 . A Travellers Guide came out in March and now you have another ebook just released this month called ' Snapshots from the In Between , a Companion Volume of verse to A Travellers Guide for Lost Souls . ' Tell us more about that book , what your pricing is and where people can buy it . The fictional series looks into what it is like to be stuck between lives . Snapshots are poems about the same thing . Little cameos , sometimes by actual characters from Lost Souls , sometimes not , but always with that haunting quality of no longer being either here or there . Perhaps you have experienced this yourself , even though you are alive at this point and seemingly know exactly where you are . $ 1 . 99 to 2 . 99 seems to be a good price range for a new author like Jim who has been published in other categories , like non - fiction and poetry . He 's won awards . He 's worked at a few newspapers . This is not his first stab at being published . Some well - known authors price their books at $ 5 . 99 & $ 9 . 99 . We didn 't want to start out that high as Jim is relatively unknown , nor did we want to have it as low as $ 1 . 99 , or 99 cents - or even free as some suggest a first ebook be . Mark Coker ( founder of Smashwords ) suggested at a recent meeting of the Redwood Writers ( the largest branch of the California Writers Club ) trying different levels of pricing , offering coupons and giveaways if the ebook isn 't selling well . That 's what we 're starting to do now , offer coupons that Smashwords helps you generate . I 'm now looking into special programs that Amazon offers . Available this month is the companion volume of verse , Snapshots of the In - Between which we will bring out at 99 cents or free to help generate more interest in Lost Souls . 8 . Tell us more about your blog " Rowga - The Yoga of Rowing . " Sitting meditation came into being at a time in the world when people were mostly always physically busy . To actually sit down and do nothing but be with one 's mind made a contrast that brought realization . These days we are mostly always sittinHe has an M . A . in Creative Writing from Boston University and was a fellow at the Provincetown Fine Arts Workshop on Cape Cod . While living aboard a small sailboat in San Francisco Bay , Lindsey worked as a technical writer and undertook a decade of Buddhist practice and study , at the end of which he moved to Nova Scotia in search of a better lifestyle . Now a dual citizen of the U . S . and Canada , he has lived for sixteen years in Prospect , a seaside village near Halifax . You can listed to an audio podcast at : http : / / jimTlindsey . com / audio . Sharon - thank you for having us . We certainly appreciate the quality of your site and interviews . Posted by Okay , I couldn 't resist . I 'm sitting at the corner table I love , typing away on my WIP and I see a group of young people getting ready to enter Starbucks . I thought perhaps they were some sort of singing group , hired to wish someone a Happy Birthday or ask for someone 's hand in marriage . Well , I am a romance writer , after all . I was thinking of all sorts of storylines . Whatever they were there for , I had to have my picture taken with them . They were game . We got a barista to do the honors and , voila ! The kids ? They were on their way to a costume party they attend every year in Occidental . Who said you couldn 't dress up in August ? Oh the rules ! Don 't get me started about the rules . I took my daughter to the airport yesterday ( blood - shot early ) and got a text this morning she has arrived safe in China . She 's taken a teaching job there , having been laid off after her first glorious year here in the States . Nice to see a young teacher with the fire and passion for her job . I 'm sure she 'll inspire her students . She worked very hard to get her degree , and then her Masters . Studying didn 't come easy to her . After getting focused on the goal , she went for it . She has a love of writing and teaching humanities . It will be interesting as she shares about our culture and way of life . She 'll tell them about our election process in 2012 . China has their own elections taking place next year as well . I can just see her playing guitar and teaching slang - I 'd love to be a fly on the wall . It would be like a moment in Good Morning Vietnam . It 's still hard to let her go to a foreign place I have never visited . I haven 't carved out her safe places , not that she ever needed this . But a mother does what a mother does . It 's the stuff we tell ourselves as our children grow up , leave the comfort of everything familiar , and treks on a journey they 've made themselves . Oh , to be twenty - something again , and have your life out in front of you . Okay , time to wipe my eyes and go let the chickens out . The roosters have been hollering at me for over an hour now . They start in the wee hours of the morning within seconds of my reading light going on , or the glow from my laptop . As everything changes , goes into and out of season , some things stay the same . Posted by Sometimes in our writing journey we feel we are all alone . No one else shares our frustrations , insecurities . We hear virtual whoo hoos and happy dancing things and , yes , are truly happy for other people as they score in the game of writing . But the second thought can be , but when will it be me ? I love this : Don 't compare your insides with someone else 's outsides . I have a number of friends who almost gave up several times . More than not , the journey was very long - way longer than they thought it would be . I 'm guilty of that thought . Every writer should love their work . Think their work is special . I keep telling myself it will come . And I know it will . But a friend told me on Monday that she keeps to the middle of the pack . What she means is she doesn 't hang out on the fringe , where all the animals are that drag you down . She went on to explain that she keeps engaging , participating , showing up . The rest ( the sales / career results ) will follow . It is either the fearless writer in me that wants to go to a secluded getaway and write with focused abandon , or the insecure writer part of me that wants to hide out . I have obligations and reasons I can 't do that right now . But perhaps that kind of forced hibernation is what my friend was talking about . We have to face the reality of things the way they are . Sucks sometimes . Doing honesty works better for me . God knows , I can make up stories . Been doing it my whole life . But making up stories about one 's own life isn 't healthy . They send you to hospitals for that sort of behavior . Doing fiction about the reality of life is like jumping out of an airplane without a chute . Now is one of those times I have to look into the mirror and tell the truth . Write when it 's hard . Write to develop the writing muscle . It isn 't all inspiration and soft music . Sometimes it 's gritty . Even when the words are fluff and you have to start all over . I love the idea of being EASY TO START AND HARD TO STOP . On a morning like today , I know it will get hot and my plants will wilt if I don 't water them early enough . Watering them in the cool hours of the early morning means they will thrive in the heat and give me flowers . Just like writing the words now that will later be polished , where the sparkle and magic will be added . For today , I 'll stay in the middle of the pack , stay on the blogs and loops , and celebrate with everyone else . I 'll suspend my doubts and lack of confidence . And wait my turn , while doing the best I can do to write the best story I can write . I 'm lucky . I get to see things like this every day in the area I live : Sonoma County , California . I was once commenting on a friend 's blog that I was envious of families who pack up and move to places for the summer . First of all , it 's hard , even in these times , to be able to afford that in California , but my friend nicely reminded me , " Sharon , but don 't you live in a place people go to on vacation ? " And my comment was , " But if you 're there every day , it doesn 't seem like a vacation . " She was right . And so was I . I subscribe to a number of travel blogs and am tempted by the photos of places I won 't likely see in my lifetime . Exotic places . Colorful places . For the few seconds I read about them , and lusciously scan the photos , I am there , knowing that 's as far as it gets . I look out at my garden , and my chickens and see work , even though the beautiful grape - laden hills are all around me . There is the sawdust to move , the chicken feed to empty into the feeding cans , the weeding and dead - heading in the garden . And darn those zucchinis - how come they seem to blow up overnight and go from gourmet table fare to chicken food ? You don 't pick them ? The plant thinks it 's done and goes home to the vegetable Heaven somewhere . I stew over my tomato plants that just decide to die . Hello ? Can 't you give me a clue why you are turning brown ? Too cold ? Too much water ? Your buddy over here has been producing for weeks , and you decide to go home . Not nice . Not every wonderful place on my list has blue water , umbrellas and lounges . Or spas . But most of them do have something to do with water . At the Kenwood Inn , for instance , there is this huge waterwheel that goes around and around , and I love falling to sleep to it on the few times I have stayed . I wrote a story taking place there so I had a good enough excuse to indulge myself when my finance allow . Some day . When I 've sold a bajillion copies of all my books . These have been very challenging and stressful days for me . I find taking a mental time out and going some place for a 5 - minute vacation a necessary evil . Is there some dark lurking prince behind one of those palm trees ? Who knows . Afterall , it isn 't me that 's traveling to those places , but my heroines . Looking for love in all the right places . I recently ran into another mother I used to share a lawn chair with many times at sports tournaments while our children were growing up . We drove those kids cross country , up and down the state , as they racked up the trophies . While my son played often and quite well , her son sat on the bench . He was a back up player . Her son listened as the first string player talked about not liking to play , whined about getting up on time . He was also the coach 's son . Her son was usually the first on and one of the last off the field , often carrying equipment , chairs or water for parents and other team members . I asked her what had become of her son , and if she knew what had become of the other boy . And she told me . Her son joined the Marines and became involved in special forces . He had tasted combat , and the bitterness of losing good friends in a field not many choose . He loves what he is doing . The other boy ? Got recruited and played for a D1 college , but flunked out . Tried to play professionally but washed out . Coaches when he feels like it . Works as a barista sometimes . And hates his life . I wonder who got the better training ? We all want to be No . 1 . Nobody ever strives for No . 2 status . But there 's power in it . Posted by We 'd love to have you weigh in on my blog today over at the Realm . http : / / ravencraftrealm . blogspot . com . What do you think ? Does your fantasy life carry over into your marriage or your primary relationship ? Is that healthy ? Do we all need a little more love in our lives ? Come join me today at Romance Books R Us . I 'm talking about the bad boys , and why we love them . Everyone who makes a comment today gets a free download of Angel . No strings ! ! http : / / romancebooksrus . blogspot . com
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I called Sandy , who was in the room with Dad awaiting the team to come prep him for an exploratory heart catheterization . She said the procedure was scheduled for 1 : 00 PM . I assured her we would be there . Upon hanging up with Sandy , I waited for Budge to awaken of her own free will to tell her that her Dad was in the hospital about to undergo a bit of heart surgery . We spent the rest of the day yesterday in the waiting room of the Heart Cath Lab at St . Francis Hospital in downtown Greenville . The procedure that was to start at 1 : 00 was delayed by a complete comedy of errors until 4 : 00 but the doctor managed to detect the blockages and place one stent into one of those blockages in the Left Anterior Descending Coronary Artery ( the " LAD " for short ) . Unfortunately , the plaque dam in the Obtuse Marginal Artery would have to wait because of the deleterious effect of the acidity of the contrast dye used in the procedure . Well , in due time , in this case due time being 11 : 00 AM this morning , the second stent found its new home and Dad was taken to his room for a period of rest and recovery before he is released tomorrow . See , we - that is to say Budge 's side of the family - planned to gather at Dad and Sandy 's tomorrow night for a Christmas celebration and the guest of honor was slated to be a patented Fully Cooked Honeybaked Sugar Glazed Spiral Sliced Ham . The love Dad and Budge have for Honeybaked Hams is hard to overstate , which may have been partially responsible for those nasty blockages , come to think of it . Now , Budge and Sandy were talking in the waiting room this morning about shoes , wine , children , how Budge broke her toe the night before , etc , etc , when Sandy suddenly exclaimed , " Oh dear , the ham will be ready to pick up at 2 : 00 today . " Let me recap for you . Dad , Sandy 's husband , Budge 's father , my beloved father - in - law , is having heart surgery at that very moment . Everybody on board ? Despite that little bump in the road , however , somehow , a HAM - that was to be served at a dinner that is now cancelled for obvious reasons - shot to the top of the priority board . I don 't know how . That 's not my area . I just know Sandy was worried about the ham so Budge put her at ease with , " We will pick up the ham . " Sandy felt this was a capital idea and wrote out a blank check for us to purchase the Fully Cooked Honeybaked Sugar Glazed Spiral Sliced Ham . Apparently , the ham question was settled . Dad came out of surgery just fine ; we all hugged necks and sent Dad off to his room with Sandy close behind . So , off we went to Oriental House for lunch . En route , we contacted Erica who joined us for a fine lunch of some kind of meat liberally soaked in " white sauce . " For the record , I don 't know what kind of meat it actually is nor do I have much idea of the ingredients in the " white sauce . " I just know it tastes divine so I adhere to the Apostle Paul 's admonition in his First Epistle to the Corinthian Church and go on about my business . After the meal , Budge and Erica decided to go see a movie . I reminded Budge that we had ham duty and was informed that now I had ham duty . They went to the movie and I went to pick up the Fully Cooked Honeybaked Sugar Glazed Spiral Sliced Ham . I managed to get to the Honeybaked Store on Pleasantburg Drive without incident . I managed to get across the parking lot in the driving rain without incident . However , I did not manage to pick up the ham without incident . I confidently strode to the counter under the " Pick up hams here " sign and a brightly smiling young lady with a beautiful cafe au lait complexion looked at me sweetly and said , " May I have your code please ? " The sweet child said , " Um , that 's not one of our codes , sir . I need your official Honeybaked Ham code so I can get your ham . " ( Incidentally , that code turned out to be the code to get into the garage within which dwells the extra refrigerator where the Fully Cooked Honeybaked Sugar Glazed Spiral Sliced Ham - in a perfect and code free world - was supposed to be deposited ) I told the sweet young lady that I had no other code but the ham was under Sandy Sims ' name at which point she smiled and said , " We don 't file hams by name , sir , just codes . " Once again , I explained that I didn 't have a code . I had a blank check . I was to pick up a ham . So , trying to be helpful , she said , " Well how many people are you serving ? Maybe we can figure out the code that way . " I never realized it would take an advanced degree in cryptography to buy a ham . Keeping my smile as plastered on as I could , I told the girl I didn 't have a code . I had a blank check . I was to pick up a ham . Furthermore , this time I added that as a MAN , did she really think I would have been entrusted with something as vitally important as the Christmas gathering guest list ? So finally , she gave up and got the manager who came out and the first thing this bright apple did was say , " May I have your code , sir ? " I didn 't have a code . I had a blank check . I was to pick up a ham and instead ended up in a Monty Python skit . The young man had witnessed the entire fracas and so was most solicitous as I filled in the rest of the check for the ridiculous price they asked for a Fully Cooked Honeybaked Sugar Glazed Spiral Sliced Ham . I handed him the check and he looked it over carefully . I was about to ask him if something was wrong when he looked at me most somberly and pointed towards four numbers neatly written at the top of the check in Sandy 's immaculate handwriting as he announced , " Um , sir , that 's your code . " Normally , I don 't have much of an excuse when I don 't put out content on a regular basis for my one adoring fan , ( Hi , Mom ! ) but this quiet stretch is different . For the last week and a half , I have been helping Budge as she recovers from a blindsiding and vicious attack of vertigo of unknown origin . Here 's how it 's all gone down . Last Wednesday , she and I were shopping in Target . We were near the Outdoor Living section and it is a very good thing that we were because one second she was fine and we were chatting away like normal and the next second her face went ashen and she informed me she HAD to sit down . She said she was uncontrollably dizzy and felt like she was going to vomit at any minute . We sat for about ten minutes before we managed to slowly and painfully make our way to the checkout . At the checkout line , another wave of dizziness and nausea overcame Budge again so she crept over to the in - store Starbucks and sat down to wait on me . After another ten minutes of deep breathing and panic , we were able to get to the car and start home . I had to pull over once because she was certain she was going to hurl , but nothing happened and we made it to the house . I put her to bed immediately and went on taking care of the daily chores thinking it was just a bit of nausea and she 'd wake up in an hour or two just as well as ever . Two hours later , Budge woke up in a panic and yelled for me to bring her a bucket . I took one step towards the bathroom to get the requested item when my poor Budge erupted . She tossed up her entire baked spaghetti lunch from her favorite Italian restaurant . Then she tossed up her breakfast bar . Then dinner from the night before . This Krakatoic output continued until she expelled Christmas dinner from 2003 and she finally subsided into a miserable bout of dry heaving . She and I have been together for sixteen years and we 've endured more than our fair share of upchucking . We 've dealt with food poisoning , stomach flu , and good old fashioned nausea bugs , but in all that time , I 'd NEVER seen my wife as sick as she was for that restless hour . The strangest symptom was her eyes . They were vibrating from side to side like a bubble level on a rodeo bull . It was disconcerting . I later found out this affliction is called " nystagmus . " I guess that is Latin for " wildly vibrating eyeballs . " That plan hit the bricks at 3 : 00 AM when Budge sat bolt upright in bed and groped for the bucket again . After ten unbroken minutes of dry heaving , she weakly asked if we could go to the ER and I was in full agreement . We rolled in to Hillcrest Hospital in Simpsonville at 3 : 30 AM and immediately got a bay . Then the wheels fell off the wagon . At some point in the dim past , Hillcrest was a good little hospital . I was born there when it still had a baby ward . Several members of my family died there for one reason or another . Of course , that was back when the medical profession was run by doctors and not accountants and the emphasis was on helping people and not making money . Such is not now the case . I know several doctors , my own physician and psychiatrist among them , who are justifiably proud of graduating in the top five percent of their medical school class . By definition , if a " top five " percent exists , a " bottom five " percent also exists . For years I wondered who would hire such and inept group of doctors . Now I know . The Greenville Hospital System must have held a job fair in the " Just Barely Doctors " dorm at every medical college in country and sent the new hires to the ER at Hillcrest . We were in the ER for 17 HOURS . Seventeen . SEVENTEEN . HOURS . For twelve of those hours , Budge was the guinea pig for a Yankee woman doctor with a tree trunk sized chip on her shoulder who knows as much about medicine as I know about piloting the space shuttle . My beloved got an MRI , a CAT scan , a full blood panel , and several more tests all involving pointy things jabbing into my wife 's tender flesh . Brunhilda found nothing . Am I relieved that Budge didn 't have anything serious ? Yes , very . Do I think she needed to be subjected to every test in the last medical textbook this sawbones read ? Not so much . So after hours of fruitless testing , Brunhilda finally realized she had no clue what she was doing and decided to let the adults have a turn . As a result , Budge was transferred by ambulance to Greenville Memorial Hospital . We stayed from Wednesday night to LATE Saturday night in room 2328 racking up charges only to have a bottom fiver neurologist and a pretty fair ENT look Budge over and say her symptoms were " idiopathic . " That is doctor - ese for " danged if I know what 's wrong but let 's run some more tests because the mark up on supplies is so good ! " I you have been reading this blog for any amount of time , you are well aware that I do not suffer fools gladly and I am quite liberal in my definition of " fool " . With Budge laid up and unable to contain my baser instincts , I very untactfully let a lot of people know what my opinion of their ability to practice medicine was . For example , I told Brunhilda in no uncertain terms exactly what she could do with that stethoscope hanging around her neck . It won 't surprise anyone that , by the time we left on Saturday , the nurses , orderlies , doctors , and security guards were very excited to see me go . Today marks a week that we have been home . Budge is still suffering from dizziness . We have been to three MORE doctors this week as follow - ups from the hospital debacle and the upshot is we know a ton of things my love DOESN ' T have . She missed all of last week at school and with standardized testing coming up , that has here in a tizzy . Next week is Spring Break , and we have a couple more appointments scheduled then . For the moment though , a ton of tests and around $ 25oo worth of co - pays later , we still don 't know what 's wrong with her . The best we 've gotten so far is " whatever it is , it 'll run it 's course , probably . " It has been long accepted among those who know me that I was born sans the mental " tact " filter normally present between a person 's brain and mouth . While this lack of parts has proven to be of small consequence to my general intelligence , it has been somewhat deleterious to my ability to form or maintain solid interpersonal relationships . I feel this issue to be largely because the majority of people who ask , " How are you ? , " don 't really wish to know and those who ask , " What do you think ? , " could generally care less . Normal people realize this disparity and speak accordingly . Now as a boy , my catechismical education was split by expedience borne of necessity between my beloved mother , who was a moderate Pentecostal , and my nearly equally beloved Granny Wham , who was a staunchly conservative Southern Baptist for whom the Martha Wham Bible Class at Beulah Baptist Church remains named for to this day . In strictly moral matters , Mama 's Pentecostalism was functionally equivalent to Granny 's Southern Baptistism . Doctrinally and theologically , however , their lessons with me often met at jarring perpendiculars rather than running in smoothly harmonious parallels . One day , it is possible that I may endeavor to explore the differences between the faiths of Mama and Granny Wham that caused me no end of anguish in my formative years , but that will not be today . At present , though , I would rather concentrate on one of the few facets of their instruction that was practically identical . This rare accord extended to the dubious claim that Catholics had to salvation . Please try to understand that growing up in Upstate South Carolina in the 1970s and 80s , I was but slightly less likely to have a meaningful conversation with a Martian than speak to a practicing Catholic . This region of the state was settled by several strains of Protestants who rode north centuries ago to escape the Catholic and Episcopalian domination of Charleston and the rest of the Lowcountry . Simply put , Catholics were as rare as screen doors on submarines . Until I went to college , I knew a grand total of ONE Catholic personally . It would be fair to say I knew more about flying a jet airplane than about the workings and doctrines of Holy Mother Church . Heaven because they didn 't pray to Jesus , they prayed to the Virgin Mary ; they didn 't confess to God but to a priest ; their forebears had burned our forebears at the stake ; and , obviously most heinously of all , Catholics drank ACTUAL WINE during what we called The Lord 's Supper but they referred to as Communion . Please understand that this final point had nothing to do with the fine points of Transubstantiation versus Consubstantiation . It was VASTLY more simple . Catholics drank REAL HONEST - TO - GOD ALCOHOL IN CHURCH . In my part of the South , where to be Christian is to be a teetotaler , full blood libel could have been overlooked easier than drinking . In any event , neither Mama nor Granny would ever state unequivocally that Catholics were damned . Both had room in their theology for the forgiveness of even the most mortal sin of wine - bibbing in the House of God . Had I confined my religious education to their lessons , I probably would have spared myself a slice of embarrassment . Unfortunately , I was also influenced by a few radio preachers I listened to on occasion late at night when I couldn 't sleep . These men were my first encounter with Fundamentalism and at that tender and impressionable age , I sopped up their neat , accurate determinations of black and white as if it were the best milk gravy Granny Hughes could make . One point these men agreed upon - if they agreed upon little else - was that Catholics were well and truly and eternally headed for Hell , apparently on the express train . These firebrands would have been quite at home in Henry VIII 's court handing down execution and confiscation orders on the heads of Catholics . It was sometime around my eleventh summer when I was visiting some member of the family in the hospital with Granny and Papa Wham . My memory is vague on the specifics because of what happened during the visit . This particular day , we were not at the local Hillcrest Hospital nor even at the monolithic Greenville Memorial Hospital . We were downtown at St . Francis Hospital . That would be St . Francis as in St . Francis of Assisi , patron saint of the poor . That would be patron saint as in CATHOLIC . St . Francis Hospital was , at that time , run by the Sisters of the Poor . Also , at that time , the Sisters had not abandoned the traditional penguinesque habits I was familiar with . In any event , we were all crowded into this hospital room waiting to see our ailing relative off to surgery for an ingrown toenail or some other equally life endangering procedure . Suddenly , two of the Sisters of the Poor appeared in the doorway with a gurney to pick up our family member . They asked the occupant of the bed if they might pray for him before they left the room . I remember he gave his assent and it was then that I had one of those unfiltered moments I referred to at the beginning . I said , " Hold on a minute ! You can 't pray for him . " The two sisters turned to me . As I said , I was 11 . They were ancient . I supposed they were 30 if they were a day . One of them spoke , " and why not young man ? " Recalling both my formal Sunday School lessons at Granny and Mama 's knees AND , more importantly , what I 'd heard on the late night airwaves from Brother Jim - Bob 's House of Glory Holy Tabernacle of Fire and Brimstone , I stated bluntly , " Well , aren 't you two nuns ? " The spokeswoman nodded her agreement so I continued , " and that means you 're Catholic , right ? " Again , affirmation followed and Granny Wham finally guessed what was coming but couldn 't reach me in time . Instead she heard me say with all the righteous confidence of an 11 year old Pauline scholar , " Well , it won 't do you no good to pray ; you 'll rub your Catholic damnation off on him because everybody knows ALL CATHOLICS ARE GOING TO SPLIT HELL WIDE OPEN AND ROAST ON THE DEVIL ' S PITCHFORK ! " When I was 15 years old , Daddy sold his boat and bought me a 1979 Mustang Ghia . Aunt Cathy called and told me to get up to Granny and Papa 's as soon as I could . I was afraid something was wrong because I really wasn 't expecting Aunt Cathy to be at Granny and Papa 's . I told Mama she hustled me out to the car and up the road we went in a pouring down rain . I should have suspected something because Mama was acting entirely too calm for anything to be gravely amiss . We turned onto Weathers Circle , and I saw Daddy 's black Chevy truck , Papa 's slate blue Comet station wagon , Granny 's blue Ford LTD , Cathy 's gold Oldsmobile , and a white Mustang . We pulled in and I tore into the house expecting to find everything in a state of panic with Granny or Papa on the floor and Daddy or Cathy huddled over them . Instead , everyone was sitting down smiling . I was so confused . Then Daddy said , " So , boy , how do you like your car ? " Epiphany ! I turned to see Mama smiling too . She HAD known . She and Daddy talked and she 'd agreed to pay my insurance if Daddy bought the car . I couldn 't stop shaking as I walked to the driveway oblivious to the fact that I was getting wet . It could have been raining flaming camel dung and I wouldn 't have noticed . This white , four wheeled goddess was my car . I had just vaulted to the tiptop of the pecking order among my friends . All the other first cars I 'd seen were rattletrap jalopies one good pothole away from the junkyard while I had a barely used Mustang with the carpet still damp from the car lot detailing job . I got behind the wheel as Aunt Cathy climbed in the passenger seat . Daddy passed me the keys with two words and a smile , " Be careful . " That moment was the happiest I 've ever seen Daddy . He looked childishly happy and since I wasn 't used to him or Mama looking happy it shocked me a little . I never saw Daddy happier until the day Nick tossed a bib embroidered with " Grandpa " in Daddy 's lap thereby announcing Mason 's imminent arrival . I recovered and took Cathy around the block for the first ride in MY new car . Then Mama . Then Granny . I offered to take Daddy and Papa but they politely declined . I hugged Daddy and thanked him , but not nearly enough . That first evening , I showed her off to my buddies then took her over to see my 15 year old girlfriend . She ooohhed and aaahhhed satisfactorily as her father , who didn 't much like me anyway , stared with murderous intent at me AND the car . All he said ( growled actually ) was , " Not til she 's sixteen " before going back into the house . I don 't know if I 've ever been happier before or since . I got a boss new stereo and tuned the engine just right . If I wasn 't driving her , I was waxing her . I probably changed the oil six times in the time she was mine . We had a way to go without begging a ride . Five months later , my girl turned sixteen , and we went on our first date . She was supposed to be home by ten ; we pulled in the driveway at 9 : 45 . I was terrified of her father . My buddy Robby once told me I was the most intelligent person he 'd ever known , but I didn 't have sense enough to get out of a rainstorm . Approaching the light , I thought , with perfect clarity , " Oh dear , I must turn left to go back to Granny and Papa 's . I cannot turn left on a red light . What shall I do ? Ah ha , I see the next light is green . I can turn left on a green light and go back to Granny and Papa 's . That is what I shall do ! I am so smart ! " The jeep took me in the driver 's door and knocked me across the console ( cool guys don 't wear seat belts ) into the passenger 's seat amidst a maelstrom of glass and metal . It seemed eerily quiet for a few seconds , then the world became one huge conglomerate of noise . I leaned up and opened the passenger door of my shattered goddess and walked towards a nearby street lamp . It had a nice wide , inviting base and seemed like a fine place to sit and reflect on what I should do next . The driver of the jeep , which was unscratched save a broken wooden bumper ( that 's foreshadowing folks ) , walked over and said , " Man , are you okay ? " I nodded . Just then , Mr . Wofford Woods appeared in my field of vision . He and Granny Wham worked in the store connected to the street light I was now leaning against . Thankfully she was off on Tuesdays . My reflective period abruptly ended ; I moved to action . Reaching up , I took Wofford by the jacket lapels and , with what little authority I could put into my sixteen year old crackling voice , said , " Wofford , DO NOT call Mama . I repeat DO . NOT . CALL . MY . MOTHER . , and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD , DO NOT call Granny . " Then , for the first and , to now , last time in my life , I uttered , " You call Laurens Glass Plant and GET . MY . DADDY ! ! " Wofford nodded , strode off , and promptly ignored every word . I realized this when , about seven minutes after I lost sight of him , a light blue ' 78 Ford LTD jumped the curb and skidded to a stop in a nova of dust , grass clumps , and broken sprinkler heads . Granny Wham leaped from the car and I knew instantly she 'd be taken unawares whilst getting ready to go out because she had on her best slacks but was wrapped in her rattiest housecoat , ( If you 're not from the South , you might not know what a housecoat is , but it 's ok ) , her curlers still in her head , AND a generous amount of pink Oil of Olay she missed with the washrag in the excitement on her face . Granny was still in her prime in those days - nary a bit bowed with age , infirmity , or indecision . She would have happily fought ( and probably killed ) a raging tyrannosaurus bare - handed had she felt one of her own was in danger . She hugged me to her in all out mother hen mode and started asking questions . Many , many questions I lacked the ability to answer . I managed to reach up and gently put my finger to her lips to quiet her and ask , " Where is Papa ? " She replied , indignantly , " Frank was shaving and had half his face done and refused to wash his face off and come with me before he finished ! He just said , ' Mama , he can 't be hurt very badly since he had sense enough to tell Wofford not to call you ' and went back to shaving . " Inside , I wept for Papa because Granny calling him " Frank " instead of " Daddy " was the equivalent of her or Mama using my full , three word name . Soon after , Mama made a similar curb jumping entrance . Luckily , she had been about to go to work on second shift at the textile plant so she was fully dressed . Then the ambulance arrived and Mama talked Granny into going home to get Papa . . . and finish dressing , while Mama rode with me in the ambulance . We got to the hospital despite nearly wrecking the ambulance and they took me into ER . Remember the wooden jeep bumper ? It 's important now . The charge nurse took a pair of scissors and began to cut my jeans off . I was wearing the only pair of Guess jeans I have ever owned . They cost $ 50 in 1986 money . I was proud of those jeans , so I screamed out , " Don 't do that ! My Ima ( my other grandmother ) can get any stain out of anything ! " So , the nurse said , in the tone of someone who knows something YOU do not know , " Okay , sir , go ahead and take your pants off . " Turns out , what she knew that I didn 't was I had a six inch long , four inch wide sliver of jeep bumper sticking out of my left leg . As I pushed my pants down , I found the rest of the piece of wood - jammed against my left femur . My hand pushed the wood , the wood scraped down the bone , and I snatched the scissors away from the nurse and cut my jeans of . At the time , I was livid that he could speak to me like that with the day I was having . I was pissed . Ten years later , I found out Daddy had driven from Laurens at bat - out - of - hell speeds unaware if I was alive or dead . Then , when he walked into the ER , Granny Wham grabbed him and said , without fanfare or word of how I was doing , " The car is totaled and he HAS to have a car ! ! . " So Daddy was as mad at her as I was mad at him basically for the same reason . Wish I 'd know that then . Mama took me home about an hour later . Two days later , Papa Wham took me to the junk yard where my goddess had been laid to rest to recover a few things . I was going to get my stereo , but when I saw the console , I gave up that idea . I started school on crutches the next week . I was out of work for three weeks and my girlfriend cheated on me with one of my co - workers . To this day , I have a massive scar on my left thigh that is all grody and sunken in . Still hurts like crap sometimes too . In my mind , I deserve it for killing my snow white goddess . Looking back , I 'm pretty sure I 've never been as happy as I was for those ten months . I 've had other cars . Some of them were awesome , but you never forget your first . Long and Detailed Disclaimer that Provides Me No Legal Defense Against Libel Whatsoever . I want anyone who takes the time to read these posts and pages to realize up front that the thoughts I put down in here are my own and they in no way reflect the words , thoughts , or opinions past , present or future of my family , my friends , or any employer I have or had . I have an uncanny tendency to ruffle feathers , stir up hornets ' nests , and throw wet blankets on people 's parades so I want it widely known that when I do those very things , I 'm am speaking for myself alone and my words should never be regarded as anything other than my thoughts . In layman 's terms , you know that filter between your brain and mouth OR hand that keeps you from saying or writing stuff that might upset others ? I was born without one , so if you read this blog and get upset , get upset at me , not my family , not my friends , not my employer , just me . They don 't control what I write so it would be unfair to hold anything I say against them . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
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S ( specific ) : I will e - publish a new novella ( between 20 , 000 - 40 , 000 words ) , approximately every month , totaling 8 more published novellas in 2015 . I will also bind the first 4 novellas into a book bundle , and include a bonus story as well . I 'll continue this model with the final 4 novellas in a book bundle . That 's a lot of writing ! Around 240 , 000 words next year . I have to believe I can do it , though . I want so much to be successful at being a writing . I would love , love , LOVE , to be writing full - time , using my writing money to pay off bills and to take care of my family . I know that writing a lot , and publishing a lot is the beginning to making that happen . But , I love it . I love the writing . The revising . The sending off of the manuscript to beta readers and editors for their critiques . I even love spending hours perusing the internet for reviewers and sending hundreds of emails out to potential readers for their reviews . I can move fast , as the author and publisher , but I can 't force other people to move fast . Not my reviewers , or beta readers , or people who find and buy my book . They don 't move as fast as I would like . : ) Imagine that . Today , I put final ( hopefully ! ) revision touches on two novellas . One is being entered into a writing contest . The other is about to be published on Amazon , and other self - publishing platforms like Smashwords ( once I 've figured out just how to do that ) . By tomorrow , if all goes well , Ai of the Mountain will be my newest ebook for sell on Amazon . com . I 'm super excited to have the 2nd story in my Fairy Retelling series coming out ! I have ideas for the next two books in the series as well , but let me tell you about this one first . Uggh , I hate summaries . They 're so hard . There 's so much more to the book than what is written here . Sigh . I guess you 'll just have to read it to find out who is truly the beast in this story . And then , I have in mind the bare bones for a retelling of Snow White , but making it a ghost story . What happens if Snow White truly does die after biting the poisoned apple ? Again , not sure where to put the setting of the story . . . maybe an African tribe , or something more traditionally spooky , like the mountains of Transylvania . Oooh , maybe Snow White 's prince is actually a vampire ? Hmmm . . . who knows at this point . So many stories are swirling around inside my head , but until I start writing down the outline , and actually putting words on paper , they 're very vague and formless . I 'm going to try to actually outline my entire next book with a very detailed outline , so I really know what I 'm writing before I write it . I think this will really help with my writing speed . You 'll see in my next post all about my writing goals for 2015 . They 're pretty lofty . I have a lot of writing that I want to do , so I need to make sure that I make the most of my time , and write as quickly as possible . I 'm super excited to introduce you to Quinn Loftis , author of YA paranormal & fantasy . It is no secret that I am a podcast junkie , and I met Quinn through a podcast interview she did with Jonny Andrews on the Audience Hacker podcast . Although the podcast interview was uploaded months and months ago , I only heard it a few weeks ago for the first time . I 've listened to this single podcast episode nearly 10 tens times since then ! Every time I listen to it , I learn something new about being a self - published author . Quinn invited listeners to contact her on her website , and that 's just what I did . I was so stoked when she wrote back and answered some questions I had for her . She even agreed to do an interview with me , so that I could introduce you to her as well . Let me tell you a little bit more about her story . . . Although Quinn enjoyed writing , it wasn 't what she studied in school . She was a nurse by trade , and happened to " fall in " to writing . She had the idea for a novel , and pumped it out really quickly ( this became her first novel , Prince of Wolves ) , but she sat on the novel for a year before she got enough gumption to publish it in 2011 . Her exact words in the podcast interview were , " I was terrified ! " The book slowly took off , but Quinn used her natural curiosity and ingenuity to Google her way to success , finding answers to her questions , reviewers , and using GoodReads . com to her advantage . Today , Quinn is a full - time writer , having been able to quit her day job merely six months after the publication of her first novel , and after publishing the next two books in the series . She has at least 13 self - published books available , with more on the way , trying to publish a new book every 90 days ! A : Typically my books are between 75 , 000 and 100 , 000 words but I write until the story is done . Sometimes it 's longer and sometimes it just isn 't . I refuse to write filler just for the sake of length . A : I wrote at night when I was working full time . I remember during the day while at work I was so antsy to get home and write . I had ideas running through my head all day long and it drove me crazy not to be able to get it down right then . Sometimes I miss that eagerness . Now that I can write pretty much whenever I want I don 't always feel that hunger . I love to write , don 't get me wrong , but it 's easy for it to become a job and not a love . I have to be careful not to get stuck in that rut . Q : Now that you 're a full - time author , what does a typical day look like ? A : I get up usually around 8 ( it 's a little different right now since we have a 3 month old and I 'm pregnant ) I 'm up late at night sick a lot and up in the middle of the night to feed Jonivan so I try to sleep in a bit . I 'm at the office by 9 : 30 or 10 : 00 a . m . Answer emails , FB , Twitter , etc . Then I read back about three chapters where I left off in my latest manuscript and go from there . I try to write about 3 , 000 words a day , sometimes it 's less sometimes it 's more . I finish up around 3 : 30 and then head to the gym for an hour work out . Working out really helps prevent writers block because it creates all the ' feel ' good chemicals that help with creativity . So I try to really make that a priority as a part of my job . Then I head home . In the evenings I try to make time to work on things like book trailers , and continue to catch up on social media . I also make a priority to read . One of my favorite quotes of writing advice is by Stephen King . If you want to be a great writer I 'm convinced you must do two things . Read a lot and write a lot . There are no short cuts . I totally agree with that . Q : Are you a planner / outliner , or a " pantser " / discovery writer ? Have you ever tried writing the opposite way ? A : I 'm a little of both . I usually start the story and then outline as I go . I don 't think I could outline a book before I 've developed the characters . The characters come first for me because that 's who people need to connect with in order to give a crap about the story . Q : What strategies do you use for finding readers to review your books ? A : Do your research . Don 't rely on other authors to explain everything , i 'm not saying you can 't ask advice , but it goes a long way to an established author when they see you are driven enough to first have sought out the information by googling , or searching on KDP ( amazon platform ) or iBooks etc . When I started I figured it out all on my own . I didn 't know anyone in the self publishing world and I wasn 't comfortable asking for help so google became my best friend . Driven people are successful people . If you truly want to be a self published author then you will learn and do what it takes to be successful at it . There truly is NO substitute for hard work . A : Stop focusing on the negative reviews and just keep moving forward . learn from your mistakes and do everything you can to make your next book even better . Enjoy the journey , don 't be in such a hurry that you miss out on the here and now . Posted by When I first thought about writing and publishing my books on Amazon , I wasn 't sure what I wanted to write about . I had heard to write what you know . I happen to know a lot about baking sugar cookies , so that 's what I did . I spent many mornings writing this book at Panera 's . I learned a great deal about how to organize and write a nonfiction book . It actually seemed easier to me than writing fiction . I 'm sure that 's not true for everybody , but it did seem so for me . I think that 's probably because I outlined this book completely before I started writing , as opposed to how I usually wander around in my head while I write fiction . I was listening to a podcast the other day , and an author named Rachel Aaron was being interviewed . The title of her new book is 2 , 000 to 10 , 000 How to Write Faster , Write Better , and Write More of What You Love . I was super interested in hearing what she had to say . I have so little time to be both conscious , and writing , I want to make sure I use every moment wisely . Just because I 'm a fairly quick typist , doesn 't mean I 'm a fast writer . I spend way too much time staring into space and trying to figure out what is going to happen next . So , I 'm committing myself to trying out Rachel Aaron 's method on my next project . I have in mind my next fiction novella , and I 'm going to go ahead and get it all outlined and thought out before I ever start writing the first word . Hopefully , this will help me to write even faster , and get more books written , much more quickly . Two of my books are in critique mode right now . One is getting a lot of great critiques . . . the other is . . . . well , not as much . Hopefully those helpful critiques will roll in soon . One of the books is a fairy tale retelling that I 'm submitting to a contest . If I win , great ! If I don 't , I 'll revise it and then self - publish it myself . Either way , I 'm happy . Since it 's going to the contest , I 'm not getting a cover made . But , if it doesn 't win , I 'm already considering possible cover ideas . I love coming up with ideas for covers . I actually spend way too much time looking over stock photo pictures that I 'd possibly like to use . Then , I favorite them and create a bookmark file of picture ideas for each book . I 'm a weirdo . I know . I can live with that . Today , I got a cover design back from my designer and I am so in LOVE with it ! I think it 's beautiful . You 'll think so , too . I know it ! Isn 't it pretty ? I think it 's gorgeous ! I love the colors . Do you love it ? I know you love it ! Love it ! ! As you can no doubt tell , the story takes place in Japan , and is a Fairy Tale Retelling . I 'm not going to give away just which fairy tale I 'm using , yet . I want to see if my beta readers can figure it out . If not , well . . . I may have some editing to do . Other things I 'm working on right now are my cookie book , which is the other book in the beta reader process . I should have those critiques done by the end of this week , and maybe will even have the book up ready to go on Amazon by Thanksgiving . That 's my goal , anyway . My cover designer did a great job for that book , too ! The last thing I have on my plate is my full - length novel that I am slowly , but surely , editing a little . bit . at . a . time . It 's taking forever . I really need to get through my first revision so I can at least pass it on to my first readers . I think from my other experiences with beta readers , I 'm going to just ask a couple of very trustworthy ( read " quick " and " gets back to me in a timely manner " ) first readers to help me out . I have a couple of amazing readers , who are not only quick and dependable , but are also SPOT ON with their editing . I don 't want to embarrass them , so I won 't mention their names here , but I do want to pass on to anyone else who is looking for good beta readers , ask an ESL teacher . They are incredible at finding typos , grammar mistakes , and a whole slew of other things you didn 't realize you messed up , and are now so glad that you passed the novel on to them , because they have eyes like a hawk , a hawk hooped up on too much caffeine , who can spot on all sorts of taipos , grammar mistakens , run - on sentences , and improper punctuation ; Anywho , I 'm excited about the novel . I had planned for it to be part of a series when I first wrote it , but then as I was actually in the midst of getting it down , I decided to make it a stand alone novel . But then , when I got finished , I thought it still had some story left to tell , so , now I want to make it part of a series again . I know , I 'm a wishy - washy writer . Something else I can live with . The novel is titled Maevyn , and is about a girl whose family has been in a horrible accident . Maevyn finds herself moving in with her grandma , a psychic and medium , in Parkville , Missouri . Just as she begins her senior year of high school , she starts hearing voices in her head , is stalked by a handsome yet mysterious stranger , and begins having dreams of her dead , ghostly father . And that 's just the beginning ! To say I 'm excited is a bit of an understatement . I 'm SUPER excited to be self - publishing my first fiction work , Cursed Beauty . I wrote this story a year ago for a writing contest . The only prerequisites were the word count ( couldn 't be above 20 , 000 words ) and that the story had to be a retelling of Cinderella . I had no trouble writing a retelling , but I did have trouble with the word count . I went way over , and then had to cut out a lot of my story . Long story short , I didn 't win the contest ( thank you Anne Elisabeth Stengle for hosting in the first place ! ) , but I did have a blast creating the story . Then , I put it aside . I thought it was done . Until then , I 'd never written anything that long before . Once I wrote that story , and realized I could write more than just a few pages without giving up , I really went for it . I wrote a novel . About something completely different , mind you . I jumped from fairy tale retelling to science fiction . The novel has been finished since July , and I 'm just now getting back to editing it . I 've been so neglectful . I kinda wandered around in the nebulous vacuum of not having anything immediate to work on , until I was inspired to enter another writing contest , this time for the fairy tale , Beauty and the Beast . While I was working on the Beauty story , I had an epiphany . It went something like this : Hey , you ! Yeah , you ! You spent months and months writing this other story and you 've done NOTHING with it . Why don 't you revise it and then put it out on Amazon . It wouldn 't hurt , you know . Just give it a try . So , that 's exactly what I did . I went back to my original story , revised it , retitled it , had a cover made for it , and now it 's on Amazon , ready for people to actually read it . OMG . . . people are actually going to read it . There 's typos . I know there are typos . I don 't know where the typos are , otherwise I would have taken them out , but surely they 're there . Hiding . And someone is going to find them . Being a writer is not for the faint of heart , that 's for sure . I don 't mind bearing my soul on the blog , for you . I know you . I like you . If you happen to read a copy , I 'd love to know . Even better , I 'd love a kind review . If you hate it , email me instead . : O ) Yesterday , I had the pleasure of attending the Kansas Chapter of SCBWI 's ( Society of Children 's Book Writers and Illustrators ) annual conference . It was a good conference . I learned a lot . I met some interesting people . I took away a lot of great tips . I 'm not sure if I 'll go back next year . I might . Or maybe not . I 'm a little undecided at this point . SCBWI , like most writer organizations , is aimed at traditionally published authors . For a long , long time , that is what I thought I wanted to do as well . I 've tried in the past . I 've queried . Sent out lots of letters . Received nothing back , perhaps a rejection slip if I was lucky . I gave up after awhile , and then life took me other places . I have no regrets about that , but now that I 'm older ( if not wiser ) , I 'm wondering if traditional publishing will help get me to my goals and whether I can count myself as successful if I only go the independent , self - published route . Yes , I would love , love , LOVE to have my book on the shelf of a Barnes & Noble . I 'd love to walk through Wal - Mart or Target and see something I 've written be there for the world to see . That would be fantastic . But , is that what has to happen for me to feel successful . Not one of these goals is contingent on having my book on the shelf at a bookstore , box store , or the library . But , I will still count myself as a success when I reach these goals . I think it 's important to focus on what really , truly are the goals you want to achieve , and the smaller goals you can set on the way to the great , big , granddaddy goals that will take some time . What goals are you going to set to help you be successful ? I love the writing part . . . not sure how hip I am to the revising part of the gig . They 'll get done soon , though . I need to do some goal setting for those , so they can get out into the world and into the hands of actual readers . Young Adult literature focuses more on young adult characters between the ages of 15 - 18 ( not in college ) . See , it 's not just a clever name . With that age range comes a more mature set of themes . Some cussing , allusion to sex , violence , gruesome death seems to be part of many YA novels , though it doesn 't necessarily have to be . There are plenty of YA books without that stuff , too . It 's all about the audience that you 're reaching for . . . though , I know a lot of grown adults that still read YA , your truly included . Middle Grade books have characters roughly between the ages of 10 - 15 , and though there can be deep , mature themes , the content of the book doesn 't usually have cussing , sex , or gruesome violence . The books are usually aimed at an audience between grades 3 - 6 , though some middle grade books do very well with other kids ( and adults ) as well . The first Harry Potter book comes to mind , as one that was written for middle grade readers , and found a much larger market . Perhaps I 'll get this all sorted out , and get an outline together just in time for NaNoWriMo . I 'm going to try to stick with it this year , and get something done to 50 , 000 words . That may just be perfect for a Middle Grade novel . I 've had many notebooks over the years , to fill with ideas for stories . Many of them have been thick , hard - covered journalesque tomes that seemed weighty and wise , just for their sheer size . Obviously , such weight and girth would produce amazing ideas , right ? My current writing notebook is a 4 " x 6 " cheapo , plastic - bound notebook from the dollar store . It was an ugly shade of green , so I covered it in fabric tape to make it a little less hideous . I may have actually made it less visually appealing though . Oh well . My big heavy journals were too cumbersome to take anywhere with me . They were big and unwieldy , and unless I wanted to carry another five pounds in my backpack , they just stayed home . Now , long past my college days , I no longer sport a backpack wherever I go , but my notebook is always able to come with me . It slides easily into my purse or computer bag , and I always have it there to write in . Here 's me getting ready to write . Trusty laptop ? Check ! Soda ? Check ! Writer 's notebook ? Check ! Earbuds ? Check ! Creepy pictures of authors staring at me while I write ? Check ! Check ! And check ! Today , I was lucky enough to have a few free hours , sans kids and sans work , so I dropped by my lovely , local library to do engage in some writerly time . I love writing at the library . I love passing all the shelves and shelves full of books . They give me hope . Someday my books are going to be on those shelves , I tell myself as I pass through the stacks . On my way to a table and rather uncomfortable chair , I stop by the biographies in the juvenile section . I started doing that this past summer . While I 'm there , I pick up a few picture books of contemporary , famous authors . Then I take these books back to the table where I 'm working , and I set the books up to face me as I write . Tonight , the faces of Stephanie Meyer , JK Rowlings , and RL Stine watched as I typed away at an outline for a new story I 'm about to get working on . I love having those faces watch me . It 's as if they are cheering me on . " Go for it ! Keep plugging away ! Your persistence is going to totally pay off one of these days - soon ! You can do it ! ! " Yes , I listen to the voices in my head . 1 ) You were a fun read , but a poignant one as well . Many lessons were learned between the pages of your front and back covers . 2 ) I loved how the book changed narrators . The change of voice from August to Via was amazing . My jaw dropped . Because I was amazed . Hence : amazing . 4 ) You made me cry , Wonder . I actually had to put you down so I could hunt for some tissues . Rarely does a book have that kind of impact on me . Wonder , you rock . One of the areas I 've dabbled in is desktop publishing and graphic design . I 'm not an expert . I 'm not even a novice . I 'm just someone who pays attention . So , when I published my first book online ( let 's be honest , it 's a booklet - short - 30 pages , can hardly be called a book , but I will anyway ) , I didn 't want to spend a bunch of money on paying for a book cover designer . I didn 't know if the book would sell a single copy , so I wasn 't willing to pay a lot upfront . For $ 5 you can get almost anything . It 's amazing . My ebook cover cost only $ 5 , and was done in less than a week . Awesomesauce ! I can 't believe I ever thought that designing my own book cover was acceptable . Tonight I was listening to a podcast , and the very successful entrepreneur on the show espoused over and again the importance of focusing on your strengths , and not your weaknesses . Obviously , graphic design is not my strength . I 've decided it 's time for less dabbling , and more focused doing . So , I don 't understand why it 's so HARD TO DO sometimes . Why is it that when it 's time to write , I suddenly have to clean my house ? Or clear out the inbox in my email that I haven 't touched for 2 years ? Or take the dog for a walk ? I wish I had the answer to this question . I don 't . Sorry . I just know that starting is hard for me . Once I get past the initial " What am I going to work on today ? " hump , I 'm usually good to go . For example , right now I 'm booking away on this blog post pretty well . But , I visited about 10 different websites before I actually started writing . Why is that ? Now that I 'm in the flow of writing , all is good . I don 't know why there is this inertia that keeps me from writing . I don 't know what causes it . All I know is that it exists . If you 've cleaned up and organized , and are ready to get down to the business of writing , then I want to encourage you to just get started . I think that helps me . Just tell yourself to do one sentence . Then , push for just one paragraph . Maybe you can do one half page ? Now a page ? Now maybe 500 words ? Now , maybe an entire chapter ? Another trick I 've heard about for getting in the writing mood is to spend about 5 minutes writing on something other than the project you 're working on . You can free write , journal , or write a blog post . . . whatever . All you need is to get your fingers ready to start typing , and get your brain moving a little bit so that when you quit your warm - up routine , you 're ready to get going on your main manuscript , and can blow inertia right out of the water . leader 's lesson was about . I needed to embrace myself as a writer . The question she asked me wasn 't , " Wow , that 's great . my dream of writing and quit my day job . But even without all that , I 'm still a writer . I declare it . I claim it . I am a writer . My vocabulary is not as broad as I would like it to be . My knowledge of grammar is lacking . I find commas completely elusive . And dear lord , don 't get me started on spelling . ( Thank God for auto correct , is all I can say . ) I 'm obviously not the perfect writer . I know I will never be the perfect writer . However , I am a pretty darn - good reader . I love reading , and I try to read as voraciously as I can . Last year , when I began writing more seriously , I decided to use my reading to help improve my writing . In particular , I was curious about how to make my dialogue tighter . I wanted to also make sure I was using quotation marks correctly , and of course , master the elusive comma if possible . I took out a random book from my stack of lovelies , those books that are waiting for me to read , turned to a random page , and tried to see how that writer used dialogue . Reading with the eyes of a writer changed my reading completely . I feel like I 'm being taught by an expert every time I read . I use it in my teaching as well . With students who weren 't sure how to use punctuation , I took them through the pages of the book they were currently reading . I could visibly see the lightbulb go off in that kiddos head . Just like it had gone off in mine . So , I encourage you to Read , Read , Read with the eyes of a writer . I 'll warn you though , if you 're not doing this already . . . get ready to be lifted to heights of amazement and mind - blowing learning , but also be ready to be horribly disappointed . I think I 've disliked more books than I ever have before , because I now read through my books with the eyes of a writer . Especially the second - in - a - series - bridge - book . Those in particular , tend to be disappointing . However , when I find a good book , with amazing prose , an incredible turn of phrase that makes me sit back in awe , it 's worth it . I take notes . I 've tried to lay it aside , so that I can look over it with fresh eyes . Editor eyes . Hopefully . It 's printed out and sitting in a binder next to my bed . Waiting for the red pen of death . I 'm simultaneously looking forward to , and dreading the first read through . I don 't want to read back over my story and tell myself , " This is crap . " " This is crap . " " This is crap . " Who wants to hear that ? And what if I get done with my revisions , my many , many revisions , and no one likes it ? What if it really IS crap ? What if all I can do is crap ? What if I 'm just destined to be a crappy writer ? What happens then ? 2 . Go through each revision with one or two purposes in mind . Don 't try to fix theme , foreshadowing , grammar , punctuation , added scenes , cut scenes , additional details , all in one fell swoop . Pick a couple of things to look for first , and then go through and make changes as needed . Then go back through a second time . This is a problem in my life . I 'll start a story , and as soon as it gets hard , complicated , or I 'm not sure what 's coming next - BAM ! - time to start a new story ! That really isn 't good for me , at least not as far as getting anything completely finished is concerned . I have a lot of fun starts on my computer . The beginning is always fun for me . I love beginnings . Endings can be fun , too . It 's middles that I 'm not such a big fan of . Middles take time . And planning . And a sense of direction . None of these are areas of expertise for me . This is where I find that I will go farther , do better , and feel more confident if I stop for a bit and do some outlining . I 'm not a planner by nature . When I start a story , I have a general idea of what I want to have happen , well , major plot points at least . But , the devil 's in the details , and I 'm not so good at those . I 'll start off doing well for awhile , and then I get stuck , because I don 't have a clear idea of exactly what I want to have happen . When this occurs , I try to step back , and outline where I want to go from there , and usually , I get unstuck and can move on . I 'm trying to tell this to myself , so I can get motivated to finish this dang story that I 'm stuck on . Ok . Cummon , now . Outline your plot so you can get a move on . Alright , I 've gotta go plan my story , so that someday soon it will actually be finished . Posted by I 'm even MORE excited about learning something for free . If you 're not into learning , that 's okay , I guess . But , I think if you 're a writer , you have to always be working on becoming a better writer , and part of that happens by learning from experts . If you want to be a better writer ( heck , a better anything ) , I think it would behoove you to find someone who is doing what you want to be doing and learn how it is that they do it . There are tons of blogs out there ( like mine ! ) by writers , editors , agents who give advice about writing . If you haven 't already , you should check them out . Personally , I 'm an auditory learner . My choice method of learning is by listening to Podcasts . I 'm a Podcast junkie . Whenever I 'm in the car , I get a podcast going . Folding laundry ? Podcast time ! Doing the dishes ? Podcast ! I can 't get enough of them . Sometimes , I even create chores for myself just so I can score a little more time to listen to a Podcast . Packing Heat : Erotica Writing Tips and Techniques - Don 't let the title throw you ! Most of what the host has done is applicable to all genres of writing . Occasionally there will be talk that relates to erotica , but for the most part , it 's about writing in general . ( This podcast is no longer updated , but is still available for download . ) I try to be a positive person . I think I am , for the most part . At the very least , I attempt to not be negative . Maybe I 'm just neutral , then . Who knows ? The point is , I know that being positive is important . That 's a hard thing for writers to do . The very nature of writing our thoughts down on the page leaves us open to criticism , and it 's so hard to remain positive when you 're constantly worrying about what other people think of you . Writers pour their very souls out on the page . I don 't know how to not be worried and anxious about that . There 's a cartoon I saw on a blog post by Mur Lafferty some time ago . It 's a guy sitting at a computer saying how much he sucks , how could he ever think he had talent and so on . It 's labeled " A Bad Writing Day . " Underneath it is a panel with the same guy , saying the same thing , except this time it 's labeled " A Good Writing Day " because this time , as he 's saying how much he sucks , he 's typing away . Writing is so much like that . It is for me , at least . I struggle with thinking that I 'll ever be successful . That I have any talent for writing , whatsoever . That anyone would ever be interested in the stories that I have to tell . I 'm sitting in the middle of a library as I type this . I 'm surrounded by thousands of books . Perhaps millions . It 's a big library . And I 'm guessing that every one of the authors that penned these books probably had the same doubts , the same questions . Do I have any talent ? Will I ever be successful ? Will anyone ever be interested in the stories that I have to tell ? They 're here , though . Their names are displayed prominently on the spines of their books lining the shelves , surrounding me , encouraging me . They 're telling me to press on . They tell me that it 's okay to doubt . It 's okay to question myself . It 's okay to think that everything I write is crap . But , it 's only okay to do it as long as I keep typing . Do you struggle with remaining positive ? If so , I 'd love to know about it . It 's nice to know I 'm not wallowing in fear alone . Posted by I have no stick - to - it - ness , though . Or at least , very little of it . I 'm trying to change this defective part of my personality , though . Perhaps it 's just part of the curse of I - can - do - that - itus ( a condition I have self - assessed myself with ) , that I think I can do anything and everything , and so I try to do it all and get nothing done instead . Much like that run - on sentence , I have the tendency to go everywhere and get very little accomplished . So , I 'm trying to fix this . I really , really , REALLY want to be a full - time writer . I love teaching , but I would jump at the chance to be a full - time writer and pen book after book after book . How awesome would that be ? I know that in order to get started I have to , well , get started . I have some things written , but I really need to get as much out there as I can in order to have any hope of being successful . I 'd like to be published by a publishing house , but I 'd also like to have a successful e - publishing business as well . In order for either to happen , I have to get more stuff finished . I have no lack of ideas . I 'm brimming with ideas . I 'm idea girl ! But , I lack consistency in finding time to write every single day so I can get my ideas into real - live - honest - to - goodness books . I need to make writing a priority . It needs to be more than a hobby in my mind if it 's ever going to become my full - time occupation . Even if I don 't have the talent to be an author , I need to at least have the tenacity to do so . The talent can be revised into my books , if needed . : ) We all get 24 hours a day . Stephen King has only 24 hours . Janet Evanovich has only 24 hours . Suzanne Collins has only 24 hours a day . I have been blessed with 24 hours as well . I need to make the most of them . I already have tried to take out a lot of time sucks out of my day . I don 't watch television . We don 't have cable , which helps . I have kids , so a lot of my time after work involves getting them home , making dinner , and keeping them from killing each other until bed time . If you 're like me , and working a full - time job , I know how difficult it can be to find the time to write . But , if you 're like me , and you want to someday have a writing career , then you and I both will need to find the time to get our writing done . I know I need to get rid of some more time sucks . Facebook needs to be minimized in my life . I can lose 30 minutes to an hour there , easily . I need to just do that when I can 't write , like when dinner 's cooking and I 'm trying to shoo my kids out of the kitchen . Then , when I do find time to write later , I need to keep myself from ever logging on to Facebook and just get to writing . So , that 's my commitment . When it comes to writing time , which for me , is when the kids are finally tucked away in bed , then it 's JUST writing time . Nothing else . No YouTube . No Facebook . No Twitter . Nothing . Just write . Join me , will you ? I want someone to read my story . Earth shattering , I know . Of course , I want someone to read it . That 's why writers write , so that we can have people read our stuff , tell us it 's not nearly as crappy as we thought , bolster our very fragile egos , and tell all their friends about this amazing story they just read from us . That 's what we do , right ? So , I understand the temptation to write something , and then immediately give it to a few trusted individuals to read and give us their feedback ( and by feedback , I mean compliments and constructive criticism , not a scathing review , thank you very much ) . But , STOP ! Don 't do it ! I implore you to fight against the temptation to give anyone your very first draft to read . Why ? Well , honestly , it 's probably still full of crap . If you have learned how to write and furious , and to ignore your internal editor until you have your first draft done and on the page , then you 've been flinging crappy writing around . That 's okay ! That 's what you were supposed to do ! But , that doesn 't mean you 're ready to share it with anyone . I teach kids how to write , and the biggest struggle for them is writing something down , believing they just threaded together sentences that sparkle like diamonds , and then feel that they they 're done . Here ! Read my three paragraph story that I wrote in 10 minutes . It 's awesome ! I 've learned over my 10 + years of teaching that the first thing anyone writes is never , EVER awesome . Parts of it may be awesome . Much of it may aspire to awesomeness . But , the whole piece is never , ever , EVER awesome . Again you ask , Why ? Because it 's the first stinkin ' draft , that 's why ! It 's supposed to be crappy . It may exist in various shades of crappiness from incredibly , mind - blowingly crappy , to only mildly crappy , but it will be crappy nonetheless . I have no desire to force my crappy writing on anyone . I 'm sure you don 't either . So , what should I do ? I hear you ask . Well , I think you should be your very first reader . You should probably be the second reader , too . And the third . In fact , I think you should be the only reader until you have revised the crap right out of that story , and have absolutely no idea how you can possibly make it any better . Then , and only then , do you share it with a critique group , a friend , a family member , whomever you are looking to for feedback . I think it 's imperitive that you do this . Because frankly , I don 't want to read crap . I love reading ! But , I only want to read the very best that my students can create . That doesn 't mean it has to be perfect . It can still need lots of work , that 's fine . But , I insist that my students have made their draft the very best that they know how to make , before it ever is read by anyone else . I expect them to read their story aloud . ( You should , too ! You 'll be amazed by what you find . ) I expect them to check for continuity . I expect them to be able to outline the main characters , problem , and resolution . I expect that the very first draft looks vastly different from the draft they hand to me . In short , I expect them have done their very best work before a peer reader , or their teacher , ever sets eyes on it . I expect this of myself , as well . I have the advantage of age and experience over my students , but that doesn 't mean that I turn out nuggets of gold everytime my fingers start typing . I have to hold myself to the same standards that I hold them to , so before I ever show anyone my writing , I make sure that I 've gone over it again and again ( and again , and again , and again , and again , and again and again ) before I ask someone else to read it . I 'll admit , I 've given in to the temptation a few times . I 've dashed off something , believed it to be the prose of a genius , and given it to friends to read . And then , I 've always faced the shame and embarrassment of having them point out typos in my story . Typos ! When I give a story to someone to read , I don 't want them to be fixated on typos ! I want them to be pulled into the story and help me find key elements that need to be changed in order to make my story stronger . Is the theme evident ? Are the characters believable ? Is the plot intriguing ? Not - Did I spell this right ? Is this the proper use of commas and colons ? Are my verb tenses mixed up ? So , I urge you , writer , to be your very first beta reader , and your second reader , and your third , and so on until you 've taken out as much crap as possible , and filled it with your amazing writing . Then , feel free to share it with your critiquers for advice and help . Just don 't be surprised when they find crap that you missed . Posted by I 'm about to embark on a new writing adventure . I 'm thinking of a story for a writing contest hosted by Anne Elisabeth Stengl and Rooglewood Press . The story is a retelling of Beauty and the Beast . I love fractured fairy tales . They 're so much fun . I loved the retelling of Sleeping Beauty this summer with Disney 's Malificent . Even though I 'm not a huge fan of Angelina Jolie , I loved the movie . In particular , I loved the story , and how similar and very different it was from the Disney story I watched as a child . That 's what I love about fractured fairy tales and retellings of fairy tales . I digress . Maybe there are people who do that , but I 'm not one of them . Nope , instead my stories tend to be very plot driven , instead of character driven . So , what do you do when you 're not sure who your main character is ? Here 's a technique I 've used in the past , and I 'm pretty sure I 'm going to use it to figure out my Beauty and Beast characters for my story . . . I interview them . Yep . I do . I write down some interview questions , and then I take on their perspectives and answer the questions the way I think those characters would . It helps me to get in their skin a little bit , and figure out who they are . They don 't always stay that way , and that 's alright . It helps me though , to get a sense of who I am working with and what makes them tick . Here are a few interview questions I 'll be asking my next characters . Tell me about your family . So , that 's about all the questions that I can think of for now . I 'm sure that if I gave myself some more time , I could probably pump out some more , but honestly , as I start to interview my characters , I find that I have more questions for them . Just like a real interview . So , if you 're having trouble figuring out who your characters are , give this method a try . I hope you find it helpful . If you have any other ways of getting into your characters ' heads , I 'd love to know about it . Leave your advice in the comments ! Share the love ! Don 't try to change me . However , with writing , it become necessary at times to get organized and stay organized . Otherwise , chaos ensues . So , here are some organizational tactics that I use to keep my from going completely insane when it 's time to revise . There are two things I 've finally learned to do , and have been consistent about . ( Yea for consistency ! ) First , I organize all my changes , and second , I organize a list of characters and important facts about my story . If you have a fancy - schmancy writing program like Scrivener , then you have all the tools at your disposal to stay organized , and so shame on you if you don 't . However , if you 're like me - dirt poor financially restricted , then you 'll be using freeware , or something already on your computer like Word or Pages . If you 're a pen and paper kinda person , well , then continue on . I salute you . So , to keep track of my changes , ah - ha 's , and oops - i - need - to - go - back - and - fix - such - and - such , I keep a running record at the very top of my document . If I 'm really good , I even include a page number of where a change needs to be made . ( I 'm not usually that good , though , let 's be honest . ) I tend to write linearly , so when I come to a question in my head , I just bop my way to the top of the page , write down my thoughts , and then bop back down to the end . Now that I 'm done with my first draft of a novel that I 've been working on for several months , I 'm going back through my bullet points , adding , axing , changing , blending , whatever . As soon as that issue has been addressed in my draft , I delete it and move on to the next item that needs fixing . Voila ! Organization . At least , a little bit . As I was writing my novel , and I have to call it MY NOVEL , because it 's the only novel I 've written - up to this point ( If you 're reading this in the future , of course I 've become incredibly prolific and probably have dozens of novels out there in the world for you to enjoy . You should buy one ! ) so anyway , as I was writing my novel , I didn 't always have a strong idea of where I was going and who was going to pop into my story at one time or another . Before I sat down to write , I had a basic idea of who my main characters were , but then all these secondary characters starting showing up , and before I knew it , I had forgotten someone 's name , or who they were friends with . It all became rather confusing , and surprisingly quickly , too . So , to help me keep every one 's names straight , and how they were related to each other , I started an Excel spreadsheet and started listing characters ' names , personality traits that were important to the story , setting information that I didn 't want to forget , and anything else that I was worried I might forget about . It turned out to be super helpful to do that . So , now I will remember to START my writing that way in the future . I didn 't get this system figured out until I was nearly halfway through writSo , those are a couple of ways I organized my work so that it would be easier to go back and revise , and keep everything straight . I don 't have enough room in my head to keep all that information tucked in there , that 's for sure . I 'd love to know what ideas and tips you might have for staying organized while writing , so please feel free to share in the comments ! I 'm a newbie . I admit that . And I 'm still prone to making newbie mistakes . One of the ones I 'm proud of NOT making anymore is that I no longer struggle with getting the words down . It used to be a huge struggle . I would write a chapter , and before I could go on to the next , I would rework it over , and over and over again , trying to make absolutely perfect . I think a lot of newbie writers struggle with this . I 've adopted a new philosophy of writing my first draft , however . I think it 's a philosophy shared with most writers , at least the ones that I 've heard from . I call it " flinging crap fast and furious . " I 've heard that some writers don 't even bother to fix typos or spelling errors as they write their first draft . I 'll admit , I hit the backspace button quite a bit to redo misspellings , but other than that , just get it out there . Get it done . Get your crappy writing down on the page .
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With the Memorial Weekend upon us I am finally catching up on my blog . Between my new job and training for my half ironman in July I haven 't had too much time to sit down and recap so here goes . March and April 2017 . Better late than never . March was marathon month . My total mileage for the month was 143 miles which was made up of 128 miles of running and 15 miles on my bike . You will see that there was another day of snow shoveling but thankfully that was the last of the winter snow . The month started with me actually gaining acceptance to the New York City Marathon on my third attempt at going into the lottery . As you will know , I didn 't make it in previous years but my wife was accepted in 2016 . I ' race chased ' her during the event and this made me more motivated than ever to get into the event . The good news is that I got accepted . The bad news … I have a family engagement in Virginia and I cannot do the race this year . I have deferred to 2018 so while I don 't have to enter the lottery next year , I have to wait almost 22 months to run the race . Fingers crossed that all is well and I can fulfill my goal next year . My wife and I ran the Rock ' n ' Roll DC Marathon on March 11 . My recap is here . It was a great but very cold weekend . That was marathon number 9 for my wife and number 18 for me . Fun times together . Once I got back from DC I was away on a training course for my new job for the next four days . I had planned on resting but the food was both good and plentiful . I spent every morning getting up at 4 : 30am and hitting the hotel gym for a good number of miles in what should have been my recovery week . Oh well . On the plus side I was in the hotel when the last major storm of the winter hit . My family was not so lucky . Hence the snow shoveling on my return home . My total mileage for April was 160 miles made up of 147 miles of running and 13 miles on the bike . A big milestone for me this month was reaching 10 , 000 miles of running since I started logging my workouts in September 2011 ( just over a month since I began my couch to 5K program ) . This happened on April 2nd . At the start of the month , my wife and I took part in the Phillies Charities 5K down at Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia . Home of the Philadelphia Phillies . It was a great spring morning and the weather was perfect for running . We did a pretty good time together and we earned ourselves another medal , tickets to an upcoming game and some time on the field for photos . We took our boys to their first game of this season on April 8th and we saw a history making win over the Washington Nationals . They scored 12 runs in the first inning to win the game 17 - 3 . It was a great night for baseball and we all had a fun time . On April 9th I took part in the Bookin ' For Lookin ' 8 miler in Newtown , PA . Over the last few years I have not been able to run this event and only participated by making a charitable donation . This year , without any races on the calendar ( the last two years have been the Rutgers UNITE Half Marathon ) I took part in this event . It started out at Council Rock High School and was an 8 mile out and back loop into Tyler State Park and back . It 's a hilly course but I hit my stride early on and was very pleased with my time . It was a glorious sunny day and the event was well managed . I 'd recommend it if you live near and have the opportunity . It is a fund raiser for two local charities , Foundation Fighting Blindness and Bucks County Association for the Blind and Visually Impaired . May starts the beginning of my half ironman training . I hope that I will not be waiting too long to post my recap but please bear with me in the meantime . I should have lots to report over the next few months . Back on March 11th , my wife and I were in Washington D . C . to run this year 's ' Rock ' n ' Roll ' D . C . Marathon . This was our first ' RnR ' race outside of Philadelphia where we have run the Half Marathon each of the last few years . This was our chance to run multiple ' RnR ' races in one year and earn one of the extra medals in their ' Heavy Medals ' series . Our big fear training through the training was that it could be a bad winter . Actually , it was pretty mild . We did lose a couple of days of training due to snow and ice but for the majority of the workouts we were able to run outside , especially on some of the longer runs . In fact , the last long run for this marathon occurred in February when we were able to dress in t - shirts and shorts as the weather was so good . During our last long run together I said we had been incredibly lucky with the weather which was when my wife yelled at me for jinxing us . Just because I had said this she started to say she would blame me if the weather turned bad . Oops . As we got closer to race weekend the forecast kept getting colder and conditions worse . I felt a little unsure of my safety … I had to keep reminding my wife about the jacket … it 's all about the free jacket . In fact , the day we left for the race ( Friday morning ) there were a couple of inches of snow on the ground and the weather driving down to D . C . was pretty bad until we got to Maryland where it cleared up . As you can see from the screenshot below , it wasn 't going to the kind of weather for t - shirt and shorts . We arrived at the D . C . Armory early in the afternoon and were fortunate enough to find a parking space right outside the building . While the sun was still shining , it was far from nice weather . It was cold and windy . There was quite a lot of security to get into the building ( every bag was checked and we were all scanned by a security wand ) . This led to waiting lines outside the building and it wasn 't exactly good weather for queuing up either . In fact , I had to run back to the car to grab some jackets as we were standing in line for a while . Once inside the expo we were led downstairs to bib pickup . We also had the chance to try on the Marathon Finisher jackets to make sure we had selected the right size . Bib pickup was fairly simple and t - shirt exchange was easy . Once we were done with pickup we headed up to the main floor for the expo . This was typical Rock ' n ' Roll series expo where Brooks Running had a significant presence followed by the general expo out on the rest of the floor . We didn 't pick up anything at this part of the expo but I did get to see the special edition Brooks Adrenaline Rock and Roll shoe . This happens to be the shoe I run in so I 'll keep my eye out for some discounts . We then headed out to the main expo . Interestingly it was quite a small affair than what I had expected . We were quickly through the floor and didn 't really see anything unique that caught our eye . I had signed up on the website to reserve spaces on the bus that would return us from the finish line back to the start line ( this was a point to point race ) . I asked the information booth where to pick up the tickets . I was told all I needed to do was to show my receipt ( the email ) to the driver the next day . Sounds easy , so off we left for our hotel . Outside the expo we bumped into my friend John who hosts the Runner of a Certain Age podcast ( we recorded a race recap a few days later which you can listen to with this link ) . He was running the half marathon the next day . We probably wouldn 't see him the next day as the marathon started at 7am and the half marathon at 8 : 30am so we wished him luck and will probably catch up with him again at another race . We then headed to check into our hotel and then meet up with a friend for a pre race dinner . We made a reservation at a restaurant near our hotel in Dupont Circle which was recommended by a fellow Mickey Miler teammate who works nearby . We met up with our friend Robyn and it was a nice relaxing meal . It was obviously a popular place pre - race as more runners seemed to check in for dinner ( we figured that with the sneakers and their Rock ' n ' Roll gear bags they were runners ) . As the weather was not expected to get above the mid - 20s the next day I set out warmer clothes than I would normally run a race in . I used a jacket that I could zip open or closed depending on the conditions . It was more worried about waiting around at the start but I did have a plan for that . As we were close by to the start line we were able to walk from our hotel . We got up at a reasonable time ( my wife would tell you too early ) and made our way to the lobby ( she refused to leave until she saw another runner pass through the lobby ) . My wife was wearing her New York City Marathon finisher blanket and I was wearing my father 's old dressing gown that he left on his last visit from the UK . It was nice and warm and worked perfectly ( although I looked like an escaped mental patient walking the streets of D . C . ) . We walked to the starting area from our hotel as the sun was rising and noted other runners doing the same . As this was the National Mall where the Smithsonian Institute , the White House and all the other Governmental offices were situated I expected quite a lot of security around the perimeter . Certainly after how much there was at the Armory the day before . Instead there was none . There were no check points , nobody checked our bags . Really unexpected . The starting temperatures were in the low 20s . There were not many marathon runners and they brought the waves through very quickly . In fact , as they moved the waves forward we ended up actually on the start line rather than back of a corral so it was kind of weird to be right up front waiting for the word to go , but once we got the word we were off ( and hopefully giving us a chance to warm up ) . We had been out of our plastic bags for a couple of minutes waiting at the start line and already I couldn 't feel the ends of my fingertips never mind my toes . The first mile of the course took us around the Mall and a few of the surrounding Federal buildings . We actually passed by the White House within the first half mile ( it was to our right ) . Again , I was amazed by the lack of any security … I wasn 't amazed by the lack of spectators as it was very early and very cold . Thankfully it was a beautiful sunny day . As there were fewer marathoners overall and the half marathon wouldn 't start for another 90 minutes or so we had wide open space to run . When my wife and I ran the Marine Corps Marathon in 2015 there were 40 , 000 people running at the same time . This race had about 2 , 500 people running and this made it comfortable to run . After rounding the Mall and the Federal buildings there we ran around the Kennedy Center and the Watergate Building Complex and onto a short out and back that took us along the back of the Lincoln Memorial and along the Potomac River . I can tell you from comparison of the both this race and the Marine Corps race that you get to see more of the District during this race . I think during the Marine Corps Marathon ( technically starting and finishing in Arlington , VA ) you only get 2 - 3 miles at the most in the District . Between miles 5 and 6 of the course was the ' inspiration - run to remember ' Blue Mile . It was all uphill but the side of the road showed pictures of all the fallen who have served our Country . As we neared the second half of the hill , members of the military and families of the fallen were holding American flags out for us as we passed by . It was a big hill but puts into perspective that it is just a hill and there are people who endure more on a day - to - day basis . For that reason , we could make the hill with no complaints . We ran through some genteel neighborhoods in D . C . and the weather was sunny but still cold . The sun helped but you could definitely feel the cold when you hit shaded areas . It was nice running through the Howard University Campus around mile 8 - 9 and the drumline that was playing was pretty great . In one of the neighborhoods during the first half some spectators were handing out champagne and donut holes . Sweet . We rounded the corner into another nice neighborhood and we saw the markings where the half and the full were to split . The wind was picking up now and one of the directional signs blew down right in front of us . The split for the half occurred around mile 12 . 5 so we didn 't really see a glimpse of the finish line ( actually it approached from a different direction than the full marathon ) . We still hadn 't seen any half marathoners as , although they would have already started , we were running a decent enough pace that even the leaders would have been a few miles behind us . We continued at a fairly decent pace . Pretty consistent actually and at this pace we would be on to beat my wife 's recent New York City Marathon PR from last November . We hit the Washington Nationals Baseball Park just before mile 15 and the aid station before the bridge that would take us over to Anacostia Park along the river . This was the first time we saw that there were not enough volunteers manning the water stations . Most people were running the half marathon ( 13 , 000 vs 2 , 500 ) so we anticipated less spectators along the second half of the course but it seemed that also resulted in fewer people manning the water stops on the second half of the course . Don 't get me wrong , the volunteers were enthusiastic , there just were not enough to keep up with the runners . In fact , for most of the second half of the course water was the only thing available , no Gatorade , at many of the stops . You could see that the Gatorade mix was there in the boxes but there not enough volunteers to prepare the mixture let alone hand it out . It may have been something to do with the cold weather and I cannot fault Rock ' n ' Roll because there were enough aid stations , just not enough people to manage . The section from mile 15 to mile 18 is an out and back . Not much to see but you are always thankful when you reach the turnaround point . These are the tough miles in the marathon especially when it is an out and back . From mile 18 to around mile 21 we ran along the Anacostia River and a loop around the park . Although there wasn 't too much to see it was peaceful and thankfully all flat . The wind had again picked up and running along the water made the temperatures feel colder . We never really got warm during the race . Okay then , here we go . As you leave the Anacostia Park area you enter Fort Dupont Park where there is an unfortunate hill , the second such hill of the day , however it was not a pretty sight at mile 23 ! It is both long and steep . We were becoming a little slower paced ( still on for the PR ) but we had managed to be caught by the 4 : 15 pace group . We watched them ' attack ' the hill . The only thing I can tell you is that less than half of the group was still together at the top of the hill . It took a lot out of everyone . Unlike the hill around mile 5 - 6 there was not much to inspire , this was just a gutsy get to the top effort . We had to remind ourselves again about the jacket at the finish line 😉 That last hill , positioned where it was on the course , took a toll . We slowed down quite a bit . My wife began to feel some discomfort in her knee . I could feel my calf muscles twinge from the elevation . As we made our way back to the finish we had to walk a bit . My wife told me to go ahead but I was not intending to leave her so we walked probably close to half a mile or so until we saw RFK stadium rise up in the distance . It was then a run / walk to the finish ( we had run straight through until the hill and were making good time ) . By now we had slowed down and the PR was out the question , still I knew we would still get to the finish around four and a half hours which was just a few minutes slower than my wife 's New York City time . The stadium was on the horizon but it was like a wind tunnel running up to the finish line . The wind had picked up again and it was just cold . Slowing down had allowed us to cool down which didn 't help either . Nevertheless we sucked it up and made a run to the finish . We rounded a small hairpin turn within the last quarter of a mile which is where the half met up with the full . The finish line was divided into two different sides and the finish chute for each race started as the two races met up . We crossed the line in 4 : 31 : 16 which considering our big slow down over the last 3 miles was not a disaster . We stopped for a quick picture before looking for a mylar blanket to keep us warm . It was still only 26 degrees at this time of the day even before the wind chill . Brrrr … . We made our way through the finish line area to pick up some water and other refreshments . I like Rock ' n ' Roll races as there is always chocolate milk at this finish line . This race was no different . However , as it was so cold it was like drinking a milk shake . I got brain freeze . My wife was so cold she couldn 't drink it . Our mylar wraps were blowing around and not really keeping us warm so we hurried over to the bag check to get our warm gear out again . We then had to line up for our Marathon Finisher jackets . After all , this is why we did this , right ? Apparently , so did everyone else ! ! ! Long lines but they moved fairly smoothly . Once we had the jackets it was a matter of finding the shuttle back to the start . I had my tickets so I headed to the information booth . The lady at the information booth said that there were no shuttles and didn 't know what I was talking about . The map did however show a VIP shuttle area so we headed over to the VIP area to ask about the shuttles to the start line . No one had any idea what we were talking about . The map did say where they were supposed to be so albeit with little help from anyone who knew anything about RFK stadium we made our way to where the shuttles were said to be parked . There was a lot of walking involved … . and stairs . We were not happy ( or optimistic at this point ) . The only problem was , no shuttles . Any empty parking lot . Ugh . We made our way to where the roads were open to traffic and decided to call for an UBER ( this would be my first ! ! ! ) We had no money so the taking the Metro was out . This was not smart and totally my fault . I had four fully loaded Metro cards back in the hotel but I was relying on the shuttle so I didn 't bring them along . As we approached what appeared to be every UBER users ' rendezvous point we stood and waited for ours to arrive . Luckily ours seem to arrive ahead of everyone else and so we took it back to the hotel which was better than the shuttle would have done for us anyway . The driver even cranked up the heat for us in the back . We were very grateful . We made it back to our hotel and grabbed some coffee to warm up . We showered and got ready to head out for a late lunch . We took time to admire that darned jacket ! ! ! ! So that we didn 't stiffen up we decided to take a walk from our hotel around the local area and grab a bite to eat . We filled up on warm yummy food and indulged in an awesome peanut butter milkshake ( which we did share ) . Notice my wife is wearing her marathon finisher jacket 🙂 We took another UBER into the District and spent the afternoon at the National Museum of American History . Specifically the Armed Forces exhibit which we didn 't get to fully see when we came with the boys last summer . We were in the museum until it closed around 5pm and then took the rest of the day walking through the Mall and back to our hotel where we were pretty much beat for the day . The next morning we had brunch plans with a friend of my wife . We did have a reservation but it was still an hour or so wait for a table . We gave the restaurant manager our cell number and he said he would call us around 15 minutes before our table would be available . We took advantage to walk around the George Washington University Campus where we were and then headed over to the Lincoln Memorial . It was a glorious sunny morning ( still not warm but warmer than the day before ) . What a great finish to our weekend . I was happy to wake up early on January 1st and knock out a 15 mile run while the streets were quiet . Best running day of the year ( provided you are dressed for the weather ) . We have had a fairly warm winter although I did have to take a few long runs on the treadmill due to juggling some parent handling duties and extra early morning runs . Still , I was able to keep myself occupied with numerous episodes of Star Trek - The Next Generation . You will notice another day of snow shoveling on February 9th . To have only 2 days of major shoveling in two months is great and welcome relief for my lower back ! No swimming this month but total miles of 166 miles for the month made up of almost 141 miles of running and 25 . 5 miles of riding ( indoors ) . As you can see we knocked out the last of our long runs mid month and very happily enjoyed the start to our taper . For Valentine 's Day this year my wife decided to sign me up for a couple 's class at the Orange Theory Fitness gym she attends regularly . Boy , was I not prepared for that . I did hold my own but I 'm not used to doing squats holding medicine balls or doing multiple rounds of burpees ( they are not a nice thing ! ) . I was very happy to have survived and enjoyed our sushi dinner at the restaurant next door post workout . With an extra helping of green tea ice cream . February also brought about registration for the 2018 Walt Disney World Marathon weekend . Usually registration opens up in April but it seems to be getting earlier and earlier . My wife and I haven 't done a runDisney race since we did the Goofy Challenge back in 2015 . This was the 25th Anniversary Walt Disney World Marathon and that it would be a special race ( we had run the 20th Anniversary race back in 2013 , my wife 's first marathon ) . We would also be timing this to be my wife 's ' 10th ' marathon and my ' 20th ' marathon . Big goals . To add into the mix we decided to register for the Goofy Challenge again . This is really such a fun race and this will be her 2nd Goofy and my 4th ( if you include the Goofy distance that I ran as part of the 2014 Dopey Challenge ) . Our boys are signed up for the ' Mickey Mile ' too that weekend . Lots to look forward to in 2018 . Looking briefly at my December stats I completed 143 miles . I also managed to finally get back on the bike ( albeit indoors on the trainer ) and managed to make it into the pool a couple of times . It 's back to work over the winter . Hopefully this will pay off in the summer , however there is still the March marathon that my wife and I are training for . It 's going to be a long winter of training but all for a good reason . You will notice from the Garmin data below that I have the ' scale ' symbol from December 1st . I bought the Garmin Index Smart Scale on Black Friday … I 'm already regretting that one ! ! ! I 'm hoping that this winter training pays off before I have to squeeze into that triathlon spandex in the springtime . With no runDisney races for the first time in recent years the winter months were spent training for the spring marathon and avoiding the cold and the snow . With the treadmill we bought at the end of 2015 I was lucky not to miss too many days of training . I even became a regular at the pool towards the end of February . My wife and I did run the Eanie - Meanie - Minie - Moe Half Marathon with our local running club ( Bucks County Road Runners ) as part of their Winter Series . Lots of fun … lots of hills … but on the plus side , lots of food at the finish . My wife and I also took part in the Philadelphia Phillies Charities 5K . This was my first time running this event although my wife has run it every year . It was a lot of fun . I don 't run too many 5Ks and this was over too quick . Still we had a fun time down at the stadium . At the last - minute I decided to register for and run in the Rutgers Half Marathon in New Brunswick , NJ . I had run this race in 2015 and enjoyed it . It was a good warm up to race season . I wasn 't expecting too much and managed to end up running a new half marathon PR . A good days work and definitely a confidence builder going into the season . I was invited after this race to join my friend John on his ' Runner of a Certain Age ' podcast for a race recap . At the beginning of May was the New Jersey Marathon . I had run this back in 2013 and 2014 and this is still my current marathon PR . This time I was running with my wife and we met up with my friend Elvin who ran with us for the first 19 miles . It rained from the minute we started the race until the end . It was a truly soaking run but we had fun and we made the best of it . A few days after the marathon , I got up early one morning and while getting my biking cleats on I managed to strain my sacroiliac joint . Ouch . Big ouch . I was laid out flat for two days unable to sit up . After three trips to the chiropractor in two days and lots of time laying on a heat pad I was finally up and moving again . After 9 days off ( yeah … I know not a lot ) I was running again . My wife was the race director for her company 's 5K ( which was more like a 5 . 5K ) and we all ( me , both boys and my father in law ) were taking part . I didn 't want to show myself up so I put the hammer down and ended up 3rd in my age group and 10th overall . Following the New Jersey Marathon I was in full triathlon training mode . I was training for my first Half Iron distance in July . My training went from a max of 7 hours a week ( when training for a marathon ) to between 12 - 16 hours a week at the peak of triathlon training . During the peak of my triathlon training I had to take a business trip to London . I was unable to bike and swim during the 10 days overseas but I did get the opportunity to enjoy the great English summer and I got a lot of running time ( and sightseeing through London ) in the early hours of each day . My hotel was in Central London and I was able to cover lots of ground on foot . It was great . I was also fortunate to spend time with my Sister and her family and with my Parents . It was a great trip and a productive work trip . This was the big month . This was what I had been training for all winter long . My first Half Iron distance triathlon . I participated in the HITS Hudson Valley Triathlon up in Kingston , NY . It was my first attempt at a 70 . 3 mile swim , bike , run event . I had a great experience made all the better with meeting up with my friend Bob ( also doing the Half Iron distance ) and having my wife 's Aunt and her family meet me at the finish line . I was on a high for days after the event despite my exhaustion . It was great . Later in the month and with temperatures in the 90 's I took part in the New Jersey State Traithlon at the Olympic distance . This was the site of my first triathlon attempt which was washed out by a lightning storm in 2015 with only the swim and bike legs completed . This year I was able to complete the race despite the intense heat and had a lot of fun . I 'm already signed up for this event again in 2017 . With my focus back on marathon training I set about the summer months getting my long runs in for my October marathon . While I may have sounded like winter training is hard ( it is ) the summer training for a marathon really beats you up . It is the heat and the humidity that really stresses the body . It is easier to run in the cold with layers to keep you warm but its hard to run in the heat as you are already minimally dressed and it is hard to cool down . We took our vacation with the boys this year in Myrtle Beach , SC and the heat and humidity were intense . I stopped on my long runs to refill my water pack which is something I never need to do at home . This was the peak of marathon training for me with the upcoming marathon at the beginning of October . Thankfully the weather was still great for most of the month . Cooler but not too cool . I had two races this month , the Hightstown Triathlon ( my last triathlon of the season ) and the Rock ' n ' Roll Philadelphia Half Marathon ( my 6th consecutive time running this race ) . The triathlon was lots of fun . I was confident going into this as this was the shortest of my races this year and it was great to be joined by a couple of my work colleagues . I ran the Half Marathon with my wife . It was a tough race as it was only 48 hours after my last 20 mile training run but we powered through and made a respectable time . The first week of October was the Mohawk Hudson River Marathon . This was to be my goal PR race that I had trained for . Despite the scenery ( the Adirondacks in the fall is breathtakingly beautiful ) my time goal was not meant to be . I faded during the last 7 miles of the race and ended up running just over 4 hours . Not what I had planned but still respectable . I wasn 't disappointed . I did the best I could on the day but it just wasn 't my day . Still , we had a great weekend meeting up with family in Albany and my wife ran a great half marathon . This was a busy but fun month . It started out with me ' race chasing ' my wife as she ran ( and earned a new PR ) in the TCS New York City Marathon . She had won her place in the lottery and I did all I could to support her over the weekend . It was a great time and I was so proud of her . I had a lot of fun running and taking the subway all across the city . I managed to see my wife four times during the race and the weather was perfect . The week before Thanksgiving is the time for the Philadelphia Marathon . This year I was running in the inaugural ' Rocky Challenge ' which involved me running the Philadelphia Half Marathon on the Saturday and the Philadelphia Marathon on the Sunday for a total of 39 . 3 miles . It was lots of fun . I wasn 't putting too much pressure on myself other than to just finish each race . I was totally thrilled to run each race under my target times and for the weekend I ran a sub 2 hour half marathon and a sub 4 hour full marathon . This was despite a significant change in the weather between the two days . I was really pleased with my performance and this capped off my racing year on a high . 2016 was a fun and rewarding year . I completed 3 marathons and 4 half marathons . I completed 3 triathlons , a Half Iron distance , Olympic distance and Sprint distance . I earned a new half marathon PR . I ran in London ( and Atlanta and Arizona ) and also participated in 4 podcasts . What fun ! ! ! November was a busy month with 150 miles in training and racing . Not my biggest month for distance but one of the busiest for activities . With all the running , I did still return to the pool for the first time at the end of the month for my first swim since September . I 've been focusing on my marathon training since my last triathlon so it felt good to finally get back in the water . The month started off with the New York City Marathon . While I was not running myself ( hoping to eventually make that lottery ) I was there to cheer on my wife as she ran earning a new PR that day . It was my first time ' race chasing ' and spectating a marathon and it was truly a thrill . The excitement for waiting for and watching my wife run her race and to cheer on friends and complete strangers was such a great experience . I cannot wait to experience this race for myself one day . The weekend before Thanksgiving is the Philadelphia Marathon . This year was the inaugural ' Rocky Challenge ' . While I have mixed feelings about how the weekend was organized I was proud of my performance in running both races , the Half Marathon and the Full Marathon back to back , in under 2 hours and 4 hours respectively . They were two of my best performances at those distances this year . On Thanksgiving Day itself is the annual Bucks County Road Runners Thanksgiving 5 Miler . This was my first race way back in 2010 when I started running . My wife and I ran together the whole race and this was our second fastest time we have run the race . It was a nice start to a long weekend of family time and was a great way to finish the month . If it 's November it must be time for the Philadelphia Marathon weekend . This was my first marathon back in 2011 and I 've run it every year I have been at home ever since ( missing only 2014 ) . As has been my habit , I signed up for the race on April 1st the day registration opened . This year had a number of changes to the race weekend that were not announced until the end of April , almost a month after registration had opened . For the last 20 years the race was organized and run by the City of Philadelphia . This year , the job of putting on the race was given to the Philadelphia Parks and Recreation . This is the same organization that puts on the annual ' Broad Street Run ' ( which is the nation 's largest 10 mile run ) . Additionally they announced that the Half Marathon ( traditionally run the same time as the marathon ) would be moved to the Saturday , the day before the marathon on a completely new course . I felt bad for all those people who had already signed up and made hotel arrangements . Judging by the feedback the race received on Facebook , this wasn 't a popular change although at the time this did not impact me . One of the best parts about running the Philadelphia Marathon are the crowds . When the half and full races are run together ( the half is the first part of the marathon course ) everyone runs together and just splits at the 13 mile mark . Plenty of crowds are out on the first part of the course . It is quieter on the second half but that is expected based upon the numbers doing the full . With the change splitting the races I was concerned that the race would lose an element of the great crowd support for the marathon as there would be less spectators out on the course . Nevertheless I put it on my training plan as the Sunday race was all I was planning to run . However , in mid - September they announced that with the demand from runners who wanted to run both days they created a new ' Challenge ' race , the ' Rocky Challenge ' race . Well … you know me … if there 's an extra medal I have to sign up for it . I can still see my wife rolling her eyes at me knowing full well she wasn 't going to be able to change my mind , and so with her permission ( well , kind of ) I signed up for the inaugural ' Rocky Challenge ' . I now would be running both the Half on the new course and the Full on the original course ( with just a couple of alterations ) . One other adjustment I made following the Mohawk Hudson River Marathon in early October was changing my plan from run / walk to try running these races straight through . While the run / walk method has been my mainstay since I started running , I wasn 't happy that despite doing a run / walk for the Mohawk Hudson River Marathon , I still got fatigued by mile 15 and slowed significantly by mile 19 . My plan was to start running straight for my training runs to find the exact distance where I started to fatigue running straight through vs run / walk . To my surprise I wasn 't finding a great difference . With that being the case I decided to keep running straight through with the plan to try this under race conditions . Training seemed to go well . Race weekend arrived . There had not been too much communication from the race director nor on social media with regards to dates announcing bib numbers , waivers , corrals or even the event guide . There had been no reveal of the medal ( despite announcing that they were waiting to reveal … it never happened ) . The expo was down at the Philadelphia Convention Center as per prior years . Before I headed down that day I left a message on the Facebook page asking if there was an opportunity to donate used running shoes to a charity . Again , no response from the race director or his team . I noticed plenty of people asking questions prior to the expo and there was no response . I wasn 't optimistic going into the weekend . As per prior years , the expo was set up in a similar manner . Once you entered there was a kids area to the left of the hall , bib and shirt pickup was at the back of the hall . Once you had your stuff you made your way through the official gear shop and then into the general expo . Now maybe I have been spoiled by so many years as a runDisney challenge participant and maybe I am being unduly harsh as this was the first year of the challenge here in Philadelphia , but the volunteers were not too aware of the challenge option . It wasn 't too easy to find but at the end of the hall there was a table with challenge bib pick up . I picked up my bib and noticed it didn 't have a corral assigned to it . I had noticed online that for all race numbers there were corrals assigned but not for Challenge participants and when I received my bib the corral was left blank . I had to go over to the corral change table and they looked up my corral based on my expected finish time , took a corresponding colored marker and wrote on my corral placement ! ! I asked the volunteers if there was anything special I needed to do for the challenge , i . e . was there a special extra shirt or something I needed to pick up . They said no , I just got two gear bags ( ! ) and a half marathon shirt and a full marathon shirt for which I had to get into two separate lines . So far there was nothing special to show this was a challenge . I hadn 't seen any medals , I hadn 't received a special shirt . Essentially I felt like I was just running two races with nothing additional to show for it . I left the bib pick up area with my two bags , two shirts and hand marked bib and headed through the official merchandise area . There was plenty of varieties of merchandise and this was also split into men , women , half and full gear but no ' Rocky ' or other challenge related merchandise . Again , I 've been spoiled by runDisney but seriously I was thinking this challenge was just a way to sell spaces in both days and there was nothing being done to celebrate it or provide anything special for the runners . I was getting more disappointed as I progressed through this expo . I had seen a couple of things at the online shop prior to race day but they didn 't show the full range of sizes online . I tried to look for them at the expo but to be honest I was looking for something specific to the Challenge . I did go up and down the aisles and I did purchase a Philadelphia Marathon trucker hat but nothing else . I was really disappointed that they had no medals to see , nothing related to the Challenge of any sort and pretty much breezed through the rest of the expo and headed for home . Race day arrived and I was up at 4am for the first of my two days of races . The Half Marathon started at 7 : 30am but I was my usual nervous self and got up early . The weekend forecast was dramatically different for both days . Saturday was supposed to start cool but warm up , but Sunday was supposed to be cold and windy with temperatures 20 degrees cooler than the day before . I made it downtown to my usual parking garage for race days ( weekend rate $ 12 and only a couple of blocks away from the race staging area ) . As per the last few years ( since the Boston Marathon bombing ) there was a large security perimeter and security checkpoints around the various access points . I was early . It was a little chilly and I was dressed up in a jacket and light pants but I was still cold . I was more worried about the next day if I was this cold on the better weather day . Security seemed fairly quick and simple , probably because I was so early . I heard that later runners had a much different experience . People who had water bottles on race belts were not allowed to bring them into the area . People with gels and other types of fuel were also not allowed to bring things into the area . This was crazy . Runners train with specific fluids and fuels but the security or volunteers at the checkpoint were not letting people bring in their own stuff . Needless to say that when I looked at Facebook later in the day people were not very happy . This actually prompted the race directors team to send out an email on Saturday night before the Marathon with entry guidelines for Sunday . This should have been sent before the Half but this didn 't say anything about race fuels and said only that hydration packs or belts are allowed subject to screening . This wasn 't running as smooth as I had experienced in prior years . As dawn broke I made my way over to bag check and got myself all set and ready for the start of the race . I had been there for a while and hoped to get a couple of sips of water before I started the race , however , the pre - race water tent was not yet open . People were lining up as they started to open up and unpack the tent . Again , just another of those things that got to me since the expo . I hoped at least that the race would be run smoothly . The National Anthem was ' played ' over the loudspeaker … yes , played . Not sung . Really ? This is a pretty major race weekend . I was surprised . Soon enough the corral made its way to the start line and we were off . Every year that I have run this race ( and I believe every year it was run prior to that too ) the half and full races have been run together so I was very familiar with the course that the half marathoners used to run . This year the race organizers announced that there was a new course . Okay , it 's always good to make a change and I would at least not be running the same route back to back . The new course took us from the start down towards Independence Mall and wrapped us back around towards Logan Square . As is the case with Philadelphia , some people just walk out in front of you to cross the street because we are in their way . This was the case today . Luckily I was able to side step at the last moment or there would have been a pile on with a few runners . From Logan Square we ran up Martin Luther King Jr Boulevard ( West River Drive ) and into Fairmount Park . Around mile 7 we had the first of what would be a series of uphills . Seriously … mile 7 through 11 were pretty much constant up and down hills . Not rolling … steep grades . The half marathon course in prior years was pretty flat . There was the hill up through Drexel University and the hill up to Memorial Hall but they were nothing compared to the hills we had to run up today . Wow . As I wrote earlier , I was planning to run the whole way and not use my run / walk method . So far all was going well … . until around mile 8 when I had to walk up the hill for about 60 seconds . It was getting quite warm at this point ( ultimately the temperatures would be in the low 60s ) and the hills just got to me . That was the only time I had to stop and walk . I continued on and we left the park on the west side of the river and crossed over a bridge to the east side of the park and another hill . What was noticeable now was that we hadn 't really seen any spectators since around mile 4 when we headed out on West River Drive . Spectators were one of the things that made this race great in prior years . Running through the city on the old course the crowds were awesome . So loud and jammed in on both sides of the street . Here we had … well , there was a kids ' soccer game going on but those spectators were for the peewee game not the runners . One thing I didn 't see , or maybe I just missed , was the energy gel station . There was supposed to be one around mile 8 or so . Nope , don 't recall it . Based upon what I read on Facebook after the race it wasn 't there . Considering that security had taken gels and other fuels off runners at the perimeter security checks that was not going to go over well . Once past mile 11 the terrain started going downhill . The temperatures had warmed up and I was looking at a pretty decent time . I was hoping to run the whole way ( pretty much mission accomplished so far ) and my goal was to get close to 2 hours . I had to save my legs for the next day . However , I felt good so decided to run harder the last mile and see if I could get myself a good time . As I rounded the end of Kelly Drive I was just under half a mile from the finish line . I pushed hard and crossed the finish line with a time of 1 : 54 : 57 ( average pace 8 : 46 ) . Wow . Very happy with that . I had some decent splits with my slowest mile being the one where I had to walk . I felt good . My legs felt fresh . Perhaps my weekend goal of getting a combined time of 6 hours was reachable . ( 2 hours for the half and 4 hours for the full was my goal ) . I wasn 't going for a PR but just a good performance . This was a great confidence booster going into tomorrow . Post race refreshments were plentiful . Everyone was handed water and there was plenty of food ( pretzels ! ! ! ! ) for runners . No bags though this year like last year so it was pretty awkward to carry this as well as keep your mylar wrap on . Some folks turned their blankets into sacks . Handy folks . So as happy as I was with the race performance , I wasn 't thrilled with the course . Judging by the comments on Facebook not many people were thrilled . Their comments were the same as I had said above . There wasn 't enough time in the city . Plenty of time in the park but those places were not accessible for spectators so most of the run was pretty quiet for the miles in the park . The mess at security where people couldn 't bring in water packs and gels compounded by the lack of gels on the course . The lack of water at the start line . Surprising as this organization manages a much larger race ( Broad Street has about 40 , 000 runners ) . I didn 't stick around as I wanted to get home and rest for tomorrow 's marathon . I headed back to my car , quickly ( or as best I could ) get out of the city and got home for a 20 minute ice bath and a hot shower . We had plans with friends that night so I took it easy and rested in the afternoon . I laid out my gear for the next day so I could get straight to bed when we got home . While we were out and about that evening the weather changed . The temperature dropped about 20 degrees and the wind picked up . Uh oh . Tomorrow was going to be quite a different experience . 4 : 00am rolled around ( too quickly ) and I got out of bed . I could hear the wind whipping around the house outside . This was going to be interesting . The temperatures were in the low 30s . Eek . I was hoping my outfit was going to be enough . I made it downtown and back to the same parking garage as the day before and headed over to the starting area . Security was much the same as the day before . The race organizers had sent out an email the night before saying what was and what wasn 't allowed through security . I assume they had shared the same email to security personnel at the checkpoints into the race area . It was cold . Windy and cold . I made my way over to where I would at least be away from the wind . So far I hadn 't been too impressed with the changes to the race but in one action the race organizers changed my mind . HEATED TENTS . Yes , they had opened up tents that were used for something else previously and connected up heat sources to them . I crowded into one of the tents with everyone else . It was tightly packed . I decided to stay in there as long as I could until I had to get in line to use the restroom and check my bags . I changed out of my warm gear and got my bib on . I waited until I thought was long enough before heading out . The lines for the restroom were not short and standing there in the cold wind was not the most fun I 've had . Once I had done what I needed to do and checked my bag I put on my large trash liner . I was still shivering despite the layer . So this was it . I was going to run my first marathon without run / walk intervals . My legs felt good despite having run a half marathon the day before . My goal was to get close to 4 hours . I was going to go for it and see how long I was going to last just running . As I approached the start line I almost missed the timing mat . I couldn 't see it ahead of me . Luckily I started my GPS watch just in time . More on that later . With that , I headed out on the familiar marathon course with a big smile . I just felt relaxed . The first few miles went well . I was glad that despite the weather and the wind , the crowds were out in full . The cheers of all the supporters as we headed through Old City and through Center City really helped keep up my spirits . I was keeping pace with most of the people around me . I had stalked out a few people who were similar pace . One person was wearing an ' Ironman Finisher ' hat so I figured they knew how to pace themselves so I mainly tried to pace myself with them . The first big test of the marathon is the hill that runs up from Drexel University to the Philadelphia Zoo around mile 7 to 8 . No walk breaks yet but I had to make a quick pit stop at the top of the hill ( I 'm getting old ) but luckily this didn 't lose me too much time . From there the next test and really the only big test on the first half of the course is the run up hill to Memorial Hall . This is traditionally where I end up walking a little , but not today . I made it up without stopping . I knew it was flat once we reached the top so I could catch my breath as needed . As we passed the Mann Music Center I suddenly got a stomach cramp . Eek . No bathrooms in sight ( I had passed them at the water station and didn 't think I needed another pit stop ) . My next couple of miles or so was a pretty anxious time . There was nowhere to ' go ' and nowhere to ' hide ' in an emergency . Double EEK ! ! We were soon down the hill and out of the park . Priority number one now wasn 't pace … it was to find a bathroom … without a line … and clean ! ! During mile 12 I saw a mirage . Four port - a - potties with no lines . Mission accomplished … All refreshed and feeling much better I set out to continue my run . As the course had been altered this year with the extra distance in the park , we reached the half marathon point while still running on the West River Drive rather than right in front of the Philadelphia Art Museum as in prior years . By the time we wrapped around the front of the Art Museum it was mile 14 and I arrived just as the leaders were making their way up the finish line . Here are my splits for the first half of the race . Despite two pit stops at mile 9 and 12 , I still hit the half marathon point sub 2 hours . I was hoping that now I felt better , maybe getting close to 4 hours would be achievable . Only one way to find out , keep going . Also as we rounded the corner we were running headlong into the wind . The cold wind . And it was whipping up with sudden gusts every now and then . The second half of the marathon course is an out and back from the Art Museum to Manyunk and then back to the finish line on the Benjamin Franklin Parkway . With the added mileage the race had eliminated the small out and back at the Falls Bridge . I hated that in all the years I 've run the race . Another way the race organizers endeared themselves to me today . The out and back on any course can be tough mentally . I had a few friends running so to distract myself during the run I kept looking for them . I didn 't actually see any friends until I was into the last few miles but it certainly took my mind off the race for a while . Here are my splits to the turnaround point . Slower but the wheels hadn 't fallen off like they had at this point at the Mohawk Hudson River Marathon the month previously . I still had something left in my legs and so I buckled down for the last 5 miles of the race . So having run to Manyunk into the wind and this being an out and back , you would think that I would be running with the wind at my back on the way to the finish line … not so much . Crazy . Well , at least the sun was out . Looking at my watch I knew that if I kept my pace I would be coming in close , maybe a touch under 4 hours . Head down , keep on moving . You know what , I think I 'm going to do it … Next thing I know I 'm approaching the Art Museum and the finish line would be right ahead … or so I thought . If you recall I had almost missed the timing mat at the start but now I realized that because of the wind they had taken down the Start / Finish line banner . So as I approached the finish line I couldn 't actually see it . A sort of panic arose as I had started my final kick to the finish line but I couldn 't see it and I didn 't know how long I could sustain this pace after almost 26 . 2 miles . Finally I crossed the timing mat . I hit my watch and saw that I had finished under 4 hours . I couldn 't believe it . I had done it . In two days I ran sub 2 hours and sub 4 hours . I was elated . The post race area was the same as the previous day . Keeping my mylar wrap on in the wind was quite a challenge . The wind was still very strong and it was cold . Coupled with the rapid cool down post race these were not ideal conditions . I grabbed some food and asked a volunteer if there was anywhere I should go for the ' Rocky Challenge ' . As per the expo the volunteers didn 't really know what I was talking about . I had read and re - read the original press release when I got back from the expo and they did mention that there would be an extra medal . Finally I found a volunteer who motioned to a tent … not a specific tent but in a general direction . As with the Start / Finish line , all signage had been taken down so there was no way to tell which tent to look for . I saw someone else looking lost and I asked him if he was looking for the Challenge tent and he said he was so we both looked for it together . Finally we saw someone with a Challenge medal and they showed us which tent to go to . Because of the wind it was totally unmarked and was closed at all sides . We couldn 't find our way in . Luckily someone came out and we went inside . There were a couple of people checking details off a sheet and once they got my bib number they handed me my extra medal . All folded up . Not much fanfare and hidden from the main finish line area . I cannot imagine how many people missed this and didn 't pick up their extra medal . Once the photo was taken I got dressed as quickly as I could and headed back to the parking lot . It was too cold to stick around . I just wanted to get somewhere warm . I actually felt pretty good despite running 39 . 3 miles . I decided on the way back to the car to stop somewhere for coffee as I was shaking from the cold and just needed something warm before I got myself back into the car for the drive home . I found a small coffee shop on the way back . It was pretty crowded and full of runners and spectators but I didn 't want anything fancy , just hot black coffee so there was no long wait . Looking back , I wasn 't thrilled with the weekend . The race organizers could do nothing about the weather but I was disappointed with the lack of response from the organizers on social media to any questions asked , the expo wasn 't too special and the fact that the Challenge seemed to be an after thought didn 't leave me with a good feeling . I really didn 't enjoy the new Half Marathon course but I guess moving to Saturday they had to avoid shutting down the whole city for two days . I just wasn 't a big fan of the course . What was good about the weekend was the new Full Marathon course . I loved the changes . I think the only thing that made the weekend memorable for me was the fact that I reached my race goals of running sub 2 hour and sub 4 hour races , especially following the Mohawk Hudson River Marathon disappointment in October . I was pretty much on a high for the next few days . Really proud that my run straight through attempt worked out . I got home and was excited to show the medals to my boys . It was 5 years since my first marathon in Philadelphia . This was my 5th Philadelphia Marathon and my 17th Marathon overall . The TCS New York City Marathon was run on Sunday November 6th . As I have written previously both my wife and I entered the lottery but while I didn 't get in , she did . I promised to be here Sherpa for the day and after lots of planning the weekend arrived . This is not a race recap , well not in the normal sense that I write them . I have titled this entry ' The Great Race Chase ' for a couple of reasons . First , it was better than my first attempt at a title ( ' Red Fraggle Runs ' ) and secondly because it was in fact a great experience ' race chasing ' during the day . So much fun . I had booked the hotel as soon as we knew that at least one of us was running that weekend . We had arranged for the boys to stay over at their grandparents overnight . We are only about an hour away from New York City by train so we only needed to be in town for one night . The hotel I chose was right in the middle of where we needed to be . We were a couple of avenues away from the Javits Center where the expo was held and only a couple of avenues away from the New York Public Library where the bus would be taking her to the race village . Once the lottery results were announced my wife was given an option how to get to the race and also to check a bag or not . We had opted for the bus transport to the race and to not check a bag and get the famous NYC Marathon poncho . We headed up early Saturday morning along with my wife 's NYC training partner Stephanie . Once in New York we dropped off our bags at our hotel as it was too early to check in and made our way over to the expo . I wasn 't sure what to expect as this is the biggest race I have ever attended … and I still wasn 't running it . Once inside the Javits Center race packet pickup seemed quite straightforward . There were volunteers everywhere . Depending upon what you signed up for , you got a specific check bag or disposable bag . It was color coded . Also , bibs were detailed as to what wave and transport options you had been assigned . Interestingly enough , even though I had signed up ( well , signed my wife up ) for a specific shirt size when registering you still got to choose your shirt size . Before the shirt pickup there were sample size shirts for both men and women so you could try on a size before you picked one up . Good idea . I don 't imagine smaller races have the volume of entrants to offer such options . The expo itself wasn 't as big as I thought it would be . The official gear area was large but it was generally the same gear spread over many places . Also , I was worried about a specific item being sold out by the time we got to the expo so I ordered my wife a jacket online . When we got to the expo they had more colors and more sizes than shown online and despite it being the day before the race they were already selling gear at a discount . I re - bought the same jacket for my wife $ 40 cheaper and returned the one I had bought online for a full refund … . less the shipping cost 😦 . The expo had long lines to check out but it seemed to go pretty fast . I stood in line while Shari and Stephanie shopped so they could just jump in when they were ready . We didn 't do too much damage at the expo . Onto the rest of the expo . It was a bit smaller than I had expected a marathon major to be . Probably because the main sponsor ( Asics ) took up much of the space . There was a Foot Locker booth which was selling official gear at yet another discount . My wife bought another shirt which she liked and was cheaper than it had been in the official merchandise area . Deal ! Also walking around the expo we bumped into our friend Zara who was there with her company , Endless Pools , who were demonstrating at the expo . I set about 3 alarms for us both so we would wake up on time . I wasn 't racing but made sure I was up and ready as I planned to walk Shari to Bryant Park and wait until she got onto the buses . So up early it was . The buses were set to leave at 6 : 30am although Shari 's wave wouldn 't be starting until 10 : 30am . Shari had decided to borrow a friend 's running shirt which paid tribute to a little girl ( the daughter of a friend ) who had tragically been killed crossing the street with her father a few weeks before . The little girl was the same age as our youngest son . Shari was running with angel wings today . We headed out to Bryant Park . The buses were leaving from the front steps of the New York Public Library and the line for the buses stretched out around the corner and across the street . We stood in line and tried to stay warm . I couldn 't believe the lines but then again this was the biggest race we had attended . This was not like our recent visit to the Mohawk Hudson River Marathon in Albany when we just arrived and got on the bus . I had been lucky enough to get a really detailed plan from my friend Elvin ( Shari , Elvin and I ran together at the New Jersey Marathon earlier in the year ) . Elvin has run the New York City Marathon a number of times and knew the course well . He provided me with good locations where to spectate , the directions ( transit and walking ) how to get to each location and the timing of point to point locations so I could plan the day . Based upon the plan I told Shari we would meet her just after mile 3 . 5 , just after mile 8 , around mile 17 . 5 and just after entering Central Park somewhere after mile 23 . Ambitious , but I figured we would try our best hoping for at least 3 of the 4 locations on the course . Our first stop was just after mile 3 as the runners entered Brooklyn . This was where the runners who started from the Upper and Lower decks of the Verrazano Narrows Bridge joined up with each other as they left Staten Island . The road was split into two with a line of barriers and tape along the middle . We stayed on the side of the street where we had come out of the subway and hoped we were on the correct side . From there we headed quickly back to the subway and took the line up further into Brooklyn to cheer Shari again at mile 8 . Wow … what a mad dash that was . I barely had time to get my ' Fraggle ' up before she came around the corner . We had just arrived seconds before she did . We didn 't tell her how close we had been to missing her but Tara and I were amazed at our timing . We made it to the mile 17 area and took our place along the streets . It was amazingly loud with the cheers of the crowd . I cannot imagine how this tunnel of sound would be for the runners ( hopefully I would get my chance to find out in 2017 ) . I was tracking a number of other runners I knew at the same time . The official app was loading slowly on my phone so it was just wait and hope . I was carrying a pound bag of gummy bears and a pound bag of Swedish Fish in my backpack so by this stage I was handing candy out to runners . Many were pleased to see it and some came over when they saw me handing out candy to strangers . ( Do not do this kids ! ! ! A marathon is the exception I guess ) . I did manage to see our friend Chris run by . He was a few minutes ahead of Shari at this point ( although she would pass him later on the course ) . From this point on we had about 50 - 60 minutes to make it across town to our fourth and final stop in Central Park . It was a beautiful sunny day . The runners had really lucked out . The weather had called for strong winds and they hadn 't made an appearance . Conditions for them were really great . We entered Central Park just around the corner from where the runners enter . It was a great spot to see everyone coming into the park . Shari later said that at mile 23 it was a perfect spot to give runners a final boost for the last 5K of the race . While we were waiting for Shari we continued to cheer on the people running by . My friend ' Fast Eddie ' flew past us and I almost missed him had he not high - fived my sign . Soon though , Shari came into view . Shari crossed the line with a new PR , about 19 minutes faster than her prior marathon PR . This was the first marathon she had run without me . I guess we know who slows her down … As we headed out of the park towards our meeting point I stopped to buy some flowers and couldn 't wait to see Shari again . The street was crowded so I did what anyone else would have done … I raised my Fraggle up in the air and hoped she would find us . And she did just that . Thanks to the Fraggle . Our friend Genna was volunteering at the race and was one of the first to see Shari , giving her the mylar wrap to keep her warm as she headed to receive her poncho . Genna works at the 92nd Street Y in Manhattan just behind the Natural History Museum ( the exit point for the marathoners from the park ) . She had arranged day passes for us to use so Shari could get showered and changed after the race . I had packed spare dry clothes for her and we headed over to get cleaned up . I think we wore Tara out . She stayed with us until we left the Y and walked with us to the subway before heading off for her evening plans ( a post race party a friend was hosting ) . We headed back towards our hotel via a stop at Ben 's delicatessen on the way for dinner . After a very filling dinner , we grabbed our luggage from the hotel and headed for the train back home . Shari was still on a high as we left and chatted about her day . It was fun for both of us . As we arrived at our stop we had to cross over the tracks to the parking lot on the other side . Unfortunately the escalator was out - of - order and so we had to take the stairs . Yes , that was not the favorite part of the day . So there you have it . My first experience race chasing . Shari had a great race and a new PR . I am totally jealous . It looked like so much fun to be running this event . I would love to do this . I will be entering the 2017 lottery for sure when it opens up in early January . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
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I am familiar with this author and her vampire novels . What I like about those novels is that each story has a strong set of leads ( male and female ) . In addition , to be witty and a bit sexy . I like this new Kerrelyn Sparks . The beginning introduces the reader to five friends . So , it would allude to the fact that there will be at least 5 books in this series . In this first book , we are introduced to Luciana . She is down to earth . Although , she may come from royalty . Oh and I can 't forget to mention that Luciana had a sister , Tatiana ( she is dead ) . Yet , Luciana can communicate with the dead . Leo is a strong male presence . When ever he comes into a room , his presence just fills the room . He may be a Lord but he is also down to earth . In fact , Luciana is not the only one that has special abilities . Leo does as well . He has the ability of lightening . While I did like this book and new series , it felt like the story didn 't start until the half way point . This is when Luciana and Leo actually met . Luckily , the secondary characters were not just throw away characters . So they helped with the story . The romance between Leo and Luciana was a slow build up . I am intrigued to read the next woman 's story . review This is my first introduction to this series . At first I struggled with this book . In fact , after just a few chapters I thought about giving up on thi This is my first introduction to this series . At first I struggled with this book . In fact , after just a few chapters I thought about giving up on this book . Yet , I told myself to give it at least a few more chapters . I am glad that I did . There was potential in what I read but it was subtle . I think that had I had that established relationship with Doc Ford , I would have been more engaged in the story . Yet , he does seem to be an interesting character . Maybe in the future I might go back and start from the beginning . Ok , so back to the book . There were like two storylines happening in this book . However , the one that somewhat got my attention was the one involving Mr . Bird . The mystery surrounding the hundred year old murder was docile . Now , if this book had been just about a madman terrorizing the islands of Florida than I would have been more engaged in the story . Because in those scenes the intensity was higher . I may not have loved this book but I did not hate it either . . . . more review This book is a fitting ending in this trilogy . If you have not read the first book than you need to go do so right away . Not only because these books This book is a fitting ending in this trilogy . If you have not read the first book than you need to go do so right away . Not only because these books are meant to be read in chronological order but because if you like dystopian novels with strong characters than you need to check this trilogy out . Em and the rest of the group might be fighting their biggest battle yet . Their friendships will be tested . Additionally , death will come to some . The planet of Omeyocan is another element of what I liked about this trilogy . It is a very unique world . Just when I thought I knew it all , it seemed like I was still discovering things about the planet . Talk about action . There was plenty of it to keep the story flowing at a nice , fast pace . I was not disappointed by the ending . It was a fitting and good one . I can 't wait to see what Mr . Sigler comes out with next . This trilogy does deserve a spot up there with the Hunger Games , Maze Runner , and Divergent . . . . more review I was in the mood for a good comedy . That is what I thought I was getting with this book . Sadly , I was not laughing . Not even by the half way mark . It I was in the mood for a good comedy . That is what I thought I was getting with this book . Sadly , I was not laughing . Not even by the half way mark . It was a slow start to this book for me . Yet , I was determined to stick it out and give it a chance . Josie 's friends were more fun than she was . She did not give me a good vibe . There was a scene where Josie was trying to show up one of Isaac 's exs . Yes , I should be cheering for Josie that she got the upper hand but instead she came off as too catty for my taste . This probably had to do with the fact that I could not understand why Josie was with Isaac or what she saw in him . Despite all of this I thought things would turn around for the better once Josie got to California . It was starting to with Carter but not fast enough . I won 't see Josie 's happy ending . review This is the second book I have read in this series . Having gotten to briefly know Biff , I was instantly engaged in him in this book . As well as the re This is the second book I have read in this series . Having gotten to briefly know Biff , I was instantly engaged in him in this book . As well as the rest of his team . There is a good dynamic with Biff and his team . What worked the most for me this time was that there was really only one enemy to deal with than several . So , there story felt more focused . Which helped me to stay more engaged in the story . Yet , just like the prior novel , it did take me some time to get on board with this book . Despite the fact that this is one of my favorite type of genres to read . The further I got into the story the more that was happening . Sometimes when there was more talking than action I did lose focus but was able to get that back . If you like international thrillers you may want to check this series out . review Charley is back . So is Reyes and the rest of the gang , Cookie , Uncle Bob , and Amber . There is even a few appearances from Charley 's teen side - kick , An Charley is back . So is Reyes and the rest of the gang , Cookie , Uncle Bob , and Amber . There is even a few appearances from Charley 's teen side - kick , Angel . If you are a fan of this series , than you are always happy to visit with the gang . If you are new to this series , well welcome . . . sit back and enjoy . Things are really getting ever more interesting with Charley 's newly " god " status . As if she needed a bigger head . . . what with her being the grim reaper . Reyes can make scowling very sexy . Oh and wearing a kilt . It is no wonder that every time that Charley is in Reyes 's company that she gets weak in the knees . I can 't forget Cookie . She is the best friend that anyone could ask for . She is up for most anything and she can be counted on to give some comedic relief . Back to Charley and her new " god " status . I can 't wait to see her grow stronger and what all she can do with her new abilities as she discovers them . She is going to need them with the ending that the author let use readers with . I mean really ? ! I can 't wait to see what happens in the next book . Eleventh Grave in Moonlight will leave you sleepless reading until the last page ! A must read . I have not read the first two books in this series but luckily this book can be read as a stand alone novel . Although , if you want to know more about Pam and her story , you can read it in The Girls of Mischief Bay . Speaking of Pam ; her and Miguel 's relationship was filled with fun . They actually stole some of the spotlight away from Zoe and her story . That is ok as I loved every moment of Pam and Miguel . Yet , I enjoyed Zoe making the most of her new beginning . She could have just stayed as a homebody but than she would never have met Steven . So glad that everything was not just roses and kisses for them . It felt more real this way with a little drama in the mix . Finally , there is Jen . I could not fault her for treating her son , Jack like a fragile doll . He was her first . There is a reader discussion question regarding if me the reader applauds Jen for trying to find help for her son . I am glad that Jen did try to seek help . As the story progressed I warmed up to her a lot and felt she grew the most in this story . That last moment between her and Jack left my heart filled with joy . A Million Little Things is a wonderful read . . . . more review I am glad that I got to visit with the people of Icicle Falls . The three ladies featured in this story were great . Each one stood out on her own . Alth I am glad that I got to visit with the people of Icicle Falls . The three ladies featured in this story were great . Each one stood out on her own . Although , I must admit that my favorite of the three ladies was Cass . The way that she and Grant were checking each other out while trying to be unsuspecting was cute . As far as Stefanie 's story was concerned , it was the most emotional of the three . I could see both points of view when it came to Stefanie and her husband , Brad . Stefanie for being frustrated that Brad had so many unfinished home projects and Brad for feeling like he was not good enough to complete the projects . Than there was Griffin and Matt . They were all about new beginnings . No matter the situation , all three ladies were there for each other . I wanted to be part of their group . I kind of felt like I was reading this book . You have to make sure that Starting Over on Blackberry Lane is in your beach bag as a summer read ! review The start of this book was good . It had the feel of Girl on a Train . Which is what I was hoping and looking forward towards . Ok , so this story started The start of this book was good . It had the feel of Girl on a Train . Which is what I was hoping and looking forward towards . Ok , so this story started out slowly with nothing really chilling happening . Yet , I held hope because I thought this was going to be like a psychological thriller . In those type of books , sometimes the storyline is slow to build up but gets darker and darker as I get further into the story . Sadly , this was not the case for me . I felt the story slowly building up but it never really reached full dark mode . It was more like sweet and tangy . From everything that I did read , I enjoyed this book . I did read and finish it in two sittings . I know that this author can write a good book from I Let You Go . The next book will hopefully be as good as the prior novel . . . . more You can tell that Dixie brings a lot of knowledge in this book . Yet , she is able to relay her knowledge in a very understandable way that readers will be thankful . I do believe that there is a certain dog for everyone . As , Dixie points out the same dog may not be the perfect fit for family A but is for family B . It is not the dog 's fault . In this book , Dixie helps educate people on topics from what type of dog to get : breed , puppy , adult , etc . To how to train now only the dog but you as the responsible owner of a new family member . Yes , the dog you pick will not be just a pet but part of the family . Another example is focused on a puppy . Yes , puppies are cute but they are a lot of work . Dixie states , it is like taking care of a toddler and I would agree . Anyone , who has never owned a dog would benefit from reading this book . . . . more The Mr . Tanenbaum I have gotten to become familiar with is starting to emerge in this book . Butch and Marlene make both a great working couple as well as a couple . Marlene brings out the best in Butch . She also brings out the frisky side of him as well . Yet , when he is helping to investigate a case or in the courtroom , he is all business . That is what I did miss in this book is the big courtroom drama . This time though , I got to see more of the human side of Marlene . It was refreshing . Yet , I did find Butch to be more on point this time with the investigation . Speaking of the murders . They were gruesome and there was one scene that was really kind of horrific in nature involving a child . So , if you can 't handle gruesome than this book may not be for you . A good read none the less . . . . more I would agree that this is a fun , charming read . While , this book may be geared more towards the tweens reading age , I felt that the author did a great job of writing to this age level . There is nothing worse than " dumbing " a book down to your audience . Additionally , there was not any overly complicated words that tweens would have a hard time pronouncing . So they would be able to read this book on their own . Dex is a very likable main character . The food ideas that he whips up had my mouth watering . It was no wonder that he had so many repeat customers or the fact that he was chosen to star in his own food cooking show . I did feel a bit said for Dex however pining over one of the popular girls in school , who did not really seem to notice that he existed . Well not in the beginning anyways . Dex 's best friends , Kyle and Liza were the best friends that any kid could ask for . They were very supportive of Dex . The best part was how all of Dex 's family were also so supportive and encouraging towards Dex 's dreams . A book for all ages . My nephews will enjoy reading this book as I did . Dex is a cooking hero for the masses ! The concept for this book sounds good and I am sure it is really good but I didn 't really like it as much as I had hoped for . Yes , I could see some glimmer of greatness in what I read . I got to the half way mark and was still waiting for the action . Additionally , I found all of the different characters voices to project as one . There were just so many characters in the beginning to keep them straight . Than , their voices were blended as one . The reason that I kept reading was due to the world that the author built for this book . Instantly , I got a good visual of the world that all of the characters were fighting to survive in . I appreciated the effort the author gave to the details but after a while with a book like this you have to also find that happy middle of detail and moving the story along . . . . more review I was drawn to this book by the book cover . From the book cover I thought that this story was going to be dark and suspenseful . This may still be the I was drawn to this book by the book cover . From the book cover I thought that this story was going to be dark and suspenseful . This may still be the case but I did not stick around long enough to find out . I got about a third of the way into the story and could not continue . The conversations between Sami and the detective with the repeating back and forth or between Sami and her father were painful . I had no faith in the detective solving the case without Sami 's help . It was like he was just waiting for Sami to feed him all of the information she found . Example is when Sami and the detective were talking about why he did not find a piece of evidence and it was suggested that it may have been because it was put there after the search was completed . From the little that I knew about Sami 's father , he was not the friendliest . You would think for someone that wanted to prove they were innocent that they would be more helpful and talkative . The investigation that Sami was conducting was slow . If some of the things that I mentioned had been present , especially the suspense than I probably would have continued reading this book . . . . more review The beginning of this book had me laughing . I thought , this is a good sign and I can 't wait to continue reading this book . The laughs were provided by The beginning of this book had me laughing . I thought , this is a good sign and I can 't wait to continue reading this book . The laughs were provided by Byron 's family . Although , mostly from his parents and especially his father . Yet , after this brief scene was over , so were the laughs . I found both Bryon and Roxie fine . On their own they were alright . Yet , together I was not experiencing the chemistry . Well not the hot and heavy kind . It was more of the mild kind . Additionally , the rest of the characters voices were not strong enough to keep my interest in this story . Yet , I would be willing to try another book by this author . . . . more review Another favorite author of mine . The author does a wonderful job of infusing such life into all of the characters in this story . Although , to me it wa Another favorite author of mine . The author does a wonderful job of infusing such life into all of the characters in this story . Although , to me it was like I could call everyone my closest friends . It was like I was transported back in time . I could feel the music , experienced the pain of racial segregation , and felt like part of a family . The relationship between Leeba and Red may not have been perfect but I am glad that their love was strong enough to survive . In the beginning , Leeba and Red were both just fresh faced youngsters but by the end of the story , they have matured into young adults . Through this book I found a new found respect for " Blues " . Windy City Blues is a stunning , marvelous read ! review First off , I have to comment by saying that this book did not do it for me . The only appealing aspect of this book was the time period and location . I First off , I have to comment by saying that this book did not do it for me . The only appealing aspect of this book was the time period and location . I did feel like I was back in the 90 's but that was the only thing that I liked about this book . Not to say that I did not give it the college try . I read about half way . Yet , reading and actually immersing myself into this book are two different outcomes . To be begin with , Elizabeth was not that interesting . Well not the present Elizabeth anyways . I honestly don 't know why Elizabeth , Caroline and Ginny were friends as they did not really act like best friends . Maybe casual friends . My issue with this book was that it dragged on and on without really going anywhere . I kept trying to guess what the big , dark secret was but it seemed to take forever to get to the point . I finally jumped ahead to see what the event was that changed every ones lives . At this point I had no reaction . Sadly , this book was not my cup of tea . . . . more review In this book , Inca , Cara , Fromage , and Charlotte are back . As well as new faces . While , this book may have been titled a holiday read , it can be read In this book , Inca , Cara , Fromage , and Charlotte are back . As well as new faces . While , this book may have been titled a holiday read , it can be read anytime of the year . The more I am familiar with all of the cats , the more I like them . Another mystery for Inca and her team of detectives . Which was fun to follow and see how Inca and the rest would solve this one . Although , as much as I enjoyed everyone from the first book ; for some reason I had a harder time in the beginning jumping right into this story . It took me until about a third of the way into the story before I really found my groove . Again , however , this is just me . The younger readers will have no problems reading this book . . . . more review I thought that this was a fun read . I myself am more of a dog lover but in this book you can 't help but fall in love with all of the cats . At first I I thought that this was a fun read . I myself am more of a dog lover but in this book you can 't help but fall in love with all of the cats . At first I did have a little trouble trying to keep the different cats apart . Luckily , they have their own personalities so it did not take me too long to keep them straight . What I enjoyed the most was Fromage 's love of cheese . All kinds of cheese . He could have been a lover of fish but he is too refine to just like fish . The idea of him having been born in a cheese shop and now wanting to own his own was cute . As I stated that I am a dog lover . I did not have to worry too much as there was Terrance . He was a nice addition to the story . The mystery surrounding the stolen necklace was a nice touch . How everyone banded together to solve the mystery kept things entertaining . Young readers will enjoy this book and getting to know all of the cats and Terrance . . . . more review The town of Sanctuary Island is a place that you would want to visit or make your home . The people are great . I enjoyed reading Tessa and Johnny 's sto The town of Sanctuary Island is a place that you would want to visit or make your home . The people are great . I enjoyed reading Tessa and Johnny 's story . I am glad that Johnny fought for Tessa . As I got to know them both better and their relationship , I could tell that Tessa was not quite ready to give up on Johnny . Although , I understood why she left as their relationship did start out as Johnny looking at Tessa as more of someone he had to protect versus his wife . By the end of the story however , Johnny did see Tessa in a new light . Yet , as much as I did enjoy reading this book , I did feel like it moved slowly . Not that I needed Tessa and Johnny to jump right into each other 's arms as if nothing happened . However , I just felt like I did not experience lots of passion between them . There was another couple that was featured in this book . They were Marcus and Quinn . They were fun with their witty banter and the connection they shared . In fact , I thought that they took a little away from Tessa and Johnn ' y story as I found them more interesting . I can 't wait to read more about them in the future . . . . more review I am a fan of this author 's . I enjoyed the New World as well as the people . Although , to be honest , neither of the men , Bairn or Henrik " the Newcomer " I am a fan of this author 's . I enjoyed the New World as well as the people . Although , to be honest , neither of the men , Bairn or Henrik " the Newcomer " interested me . Bairn was more interested in sailing the seas , so there was no romantic connection between he or Anna . I had a big issue with the fact that Henrik was referred to as " the newcomer " . Yes , I knew he was the new one in town but I did not need to keep being reminded . I found this distracting when in one sentence Henrik 's name would be used and in the next sentence he was referred to as " the newcomer " . At first I was good with Henrik but as the story went on I did feel like he was more interested in his interests than truly about Anna . When it was all said and done , I would have been fine with Anna being single . Actually , I found Bairn 's younger , brother Felix to be more intriguing . He was full of spunk and wonderment . The other storyline that I was drawn to was Bairn and Felix 's parents , Dorothea and Jacob . They had quite the journey as well . They showed what love was about . . . . more If you have never read a book by this author , than you don 't know what you are missing out on . Most of the books from this author are written in the WWII era . This is how I first came to discover this author as I am a fan of this era . I have yet to find a book that I didn 't like from this author . I was drawn to this book because of the storyline , the author , and the fact that this book was referenced to Water for Elephants . Another book that I enjoyed reading . This book does live up to its hype . Everything from the era , to the characters , and the circus was amazing . Herr Neuhoff is the ring master . He is the one that brings everyone together by allowing them to find sanctuary in his circus and become a family . Instantly , I connected with both Astrid and Noa . They may have come from different situations and age differences but they were kindred souls . Although , when I talk about these women , I can 't do so without mentioning the men in their lives . . . Peter , Theo , and Luc . Both women gave their hearts to the men and they accepted them with care . The ending was a wonderful one . The Orphan 's Tale will leave you breathless as you are transported back in time with a strong storyline and equally strong characters ! I could see potential in this book but it moved way too slowly for me to get to that potential . I got as far as chapter fourteen and was left still wondering when the story was really going to pick up . The author did a good job of describing the people and the vibe . What was lacking however is a strong connection to the characters or anything intriguing happening in these fourteen chapters . It was just a lot of talking . Which after a while , I found myself tuning it out . At this point Lola had not even shown how or why she was the boss or the one to be feared . She was portrayed as a quiet person . Her true nature had not come out yet . If you are willing to stick with this book , you may get farther than me . I am sure Lola is a force to be reckoned with . . . . more review I thought that this was a nice practical guide book . Although , it may be written and geared towards men . Women could also use this guide to surprise t I thought that this was a nice practical guide book . Although , it may be written and geared towards men . Women could also use this guide to surprise the man in their lives and better their relationships . Or this guide could be used as a couple 's guide together . The reason I say this is because this guide is really written as one that men use to follow . They are not supposed to tell the women in their lives that they are doing the weekly tasks because of this guide but to do the tasks as if they came up with these ideas . Than , afterwards the men are supposed to assess how their significant other reacted . Again , as I was reading this book ; I realized that I have done some of the things with my husband but it has been a long time since I have done anything for him . So , instead of waiting for him to do these things , I thought it would be nice if I took the reins and did these tasks for and with my husband . The best part of these tasks is that they really don 't cost a lot of money other than just time . . . . more review I am familiar with this author . I mean if you are a fan of the Tudor era than you have probably read a book or two or several from this author . Yet , I I am familiar with this author . I mean if you are a fan of the Tudor era than you have probably read a book or two or several from this author . Yet , I have not read anything medieval from this author that I can recall . So , I was pleasantly happy with this book . Although , I can tell that it was written more for the tween to teen audience . It was dark but without being overly dark like Darth Vader . Luca and Isolde may be the main leads but Freize and Ishraq both did not stand back as secondary characters . They had equal parts in the story as well . Where it was in regards to Isolde . If it had not been for Freize , Isolde would have been lost . After everyone left the monastery , I kind of lost some interest in the rest of the story . I felt like it was not as strong and kind of rushed as if the story needed to have another mystery that they needed to encounter prior to the next book . Yet , I am intrigued to see how the rest of the journey goes for this group . review This is the third book in this series . Although , it can be read separately . I like that Lexie is a strong and powerful woman , who commands respect . Ye This is the third book in this series . Although , it can be read separately . I like that Lexie is a strong and powerful woman , who commands respect . Yet , at the same time she is able to strip down and allow Dane to be the dominate one in the bedroom . Which , I admit that their sessions in the bedroom were spicy . It did not just start in the bedroom but on a plane . Talk about mile high club . Despite , the sexiness I did not react to the sex scenes . Additionally , the rest of the story was fine but I do wish that there was a little more meat to it . However , this is still a quick and enjoyable read . There is more to Dane than just a pretty face . I am glad that Lexie found someone she could trust in Dane . They are good together . . . . more The more " gamer " books that I read , the more that there needs to be of these books . I am going to search to see what other books are out there like this . This needs to be its own genre . These books are great . Well the ones I have read thus far . I have been lucky to read some good ones . I had this book sitting on my shelf for quite a while . Recently , I have read or attempted to read and the last three to four books were not good . So , I was looking for something to pick me up again . I grabbed this book . This book starts out right away with Henrik receiving a message on a cell phone asking him if he wants to play a game . Of course , Henrik thinks it is a trick that a friend is playing on him and agrees . Before too long , Henrik is addicted to the game and becoming the best . No matter how big or dangerous the task is . The pacing is great and I actually felt sorry for Henrik finding himself in his situation , despite the fact that during the tasks he had no regard for others . The ending leaving you wanting to read the next book . . . . more review This book is a very nice introduction to this author . I am going to be checking out more books by this author . I felt a very strong connection to all This book is a very nice introduction to this author . I am going to be checking out more books by this author . I felt a very strong connection to all of the characters in this book . Every emotion . When Kate had her heart broken , I felt like my was breaking too . However , it really broke and I felt like someone had stabbed it when Kate endured that devastating moment . I loved that the author gave David lots of range and depth . He was not just a star hockey player or a ladies man . Additionally , he was intelligent with a knowledge of literary and European History . The way that David cared for Kate made me forget that they had a huge age difference . Under David 's touch Kate did come alive and blossomed into a lively woman . A happy ending for all . . . . more review I dislike when a book I am really looking forward too , turns out to be a disappointment . That is what happened to me with this book . I had really high I dislike when a book I am really looking forward too , turns out to be a disappointment . That is what happened to me with this book . I had really high expectations . Yet , I could barely read this book . I got only to chapter 8 and could no longer continue . I even had to make myself read the book even to get to the point I did . All of the camp counselors were acting like two year olds . They were very childish in the way they acted and spoke . Than there was the foul language . Now , I have read many books with the " f " word and I have said it before and I will say it again . I don 't mind when the " f " word is used when it has a purpose but when it is just pointlessly used , I can 't tolerate it . In this case , the it was not really used without a purpose as the counselors were using the word as their form of communication but it did not do anything to enhance the story other than to make them come off as unintelligent . Than there is sex . Not just the talking about it but also the act of doing it as well as the drug use . I felt bad for the children that they were subject to have to deal with these counselors . I really wanted to get to see what happened in the rest of the book . All I do know is that I hope and don 't care if all of the counselors got killed . This book felt like a cheesy straight to DVD horror movie . . . . more review I was really interested in checking this book out . However , when I actually picked up the book and started reading it , something changed . At first , I I was really interested in checking this book out . However , when I actually picked up the book and started reading it , something changed . At first , I thought that it was me and my " reading attitude " . The one where you are not in the right frame of mind to read a book but when you are in the right mind the book can look and feel like a brand new one . Sadly , this was not the case . I picked this book up again after a break only to find that no matter how much I tried , I could not find any interest in the story or the characters . It was like I was seeing the words on the pages but they were not sticking in my head . I was just going through the motions . By the half way point something of a slight interest started to get to me but without the interest of the characters , it was lost on me . If the characters had excited me and the action started sooner , I would be saying different things about this book . . . . more
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I need to start this post with the disclaimer that I have small boobies . If you read this and think " what does she know sitting there with her B cups " I am aware this whole process has been easier because I have a small chest . And I am by no means saying everyone should stop wearing all kinds of bras , more asking you to consider WHY we wear underwired , padded , push - up , cleavage - boosting ones . Are we all on the same page ? Good . Off we go , then . My first ever bra was , I think , a 28AAA . Seriously . It wasn 't even a bra ; it was a bra - shaped crop top . My mum got it for me because , at 13 , I really didn 't have any breasts at all but felt self conscious about not wearing a bra in P . E ; my crop tops felt childish . Like a lot of girls , I think , I grew up thinking breasts were the ultimate sign of femininity and that NOT having breasts meant I was less of a girl . Eventually I got enough in the breasticles department to fill a cup that wasn 't a made up size and off I went and I never looked back . A few years ago I finally came to terms with how much I fucking hate bras . They 've never fitted me properly even after being professionally measured , they always seemed to make my boobs hurt all the freaking time and despite being fairly thin I always got that weird mini fat roll between my bra - encased breasts and my arms that made me feel ugly and fat and self conscious . " But I can 't stop wearing them ! " I thought . " That would . . . just be WRONG . Everyone wears a bra ! What would people THINK . What would they SAY . " I struggled on . Then , just over a year ago I decided I didn 't give a rat 's ass what people think . I 'm uncomfortable enough in my body from the pain of my chronic health condition , without voluntarily adding extra discomfort . So I took the plunge and I did not wear a bra . And no one said a goddamned thing . Without a bra , I felt free . My boobs stopped hurting . The level of comfort I now experienced was just . . . indescribable . But more than that , I felt powerful . For so long I wore a bra because I thought that , as a woman , it was what was expected of me . It was part of the social contract . And going against that , and feeling better for it , made me feel strong . I started to wonder why I 'd even started wearing one in the first place . I 'd not needed the support because of back pain , so why had I bothered ? Because I felt like I was supposed to . Wearing a bra was a sign I was a woman , like starting my period or growing pubic hair , it was a sign that I had Made It . I was part of the club . And I started to feel like the only reason I ever wore a bra was , not because I needed to , but because everyone else needed me to . Because it was expected that my breasts sit at a certain place on my chest and be a certain shape and not move very much and , heavens forbid , never suggest I have nipples . And the more I thought about it the more I felt I 'd been duped . I 'd been wearing these godforsaken things for a decade and I really didn 't need to . Obviously , bras have many practical applications . I know many of us breast - bearers opt for bras for a range of reasons , and going totally braless is not necessarily an option for all . I do think that when we think ' bra ' we think of the underwired variety , probs with a bit of padding for maximum boobage and to guarantee nipple coverage on even the coldest of days , and designed to hoist our breasts up to their socially desirable position about an inch below our chins . Boobies are not supposed to go this way . If they were , that 's where they 'd be already . The point of this post is more to get us to think about what we put our boobs in , rather than just reaching for what we 've always reached for . There 's bras without underwire , sports bras , camisoles with built - in support cups . Regular camisoles . And yes , going totally braless . In the UK , once a woman turns 24 or 25 , she is invited to go for a cervical screening test , or a ' smear ' test . They then need to be tested every 3 years until they turn 50 . My 24th birthday came and went , and my screening letter arrived on my doorstep . I promptly opened it , tossed it to one side , and forgot about it . Why , you might ask ? Maybe it 's down to the fact that I am notoriously bad at booking appointments ; it took me 18 months after moving to actually register with a GP . But I think deep down I was also feeling what pretty much every woman feels when they receive the letter : apprehension . And I 'm not really sure . I 'm quite blasé about illnesses ; I don 't worry about catching diseases or developing conditions . I 'm pretty laid back in life and it 's just not something that I ( thankfully ) have anxieties about . And I knew the procedure might be a little embarrassing , but I 've had several STI tests ( better safe than sorry ! ) and from what I gather , they are pretty much the same . Yes it 's an inconvenience , but it 's over within minutes . Yet I joined the thousands of women who put off having their smear tests every year . It wasn 't until I received my third reminder letter , and my friend ( who I share the same birthday with ) booked her 's , that I figured that I should just go ahead and book mine . Smear tests are performed at your GP surgery , and are generally done by a nurse . I worried about stuff that is ENTIRELY irrelevant . What do I wear ? How much should I groom ? Should I shower before ? Or would that affect the results ? All of this is completely irrelevant ! If you want to be able to cover up quickly , I would recommend a skirt , as you can just whip it up for the action and then flop it back down again . But the nurse will give you as much time as you need to take clothes on and off , so just wear whatever is comfortable . I don 't recommend fifty layers because you will probably end with something upside down / back to front . With regards to the procedure itself - look away now if you 're particularly squeamish ! - it 's pretty straightforward . Once I had undressed from the waist down , I lay down on the couch . They may raise the bed as necessary , so don 't be alarmed if you are two feet higher than when you started ! It 's to save the nurses having to convolute themselves over your nether regions . Next comes the part most people dread : the speculum . It 's either plastic or metal , and is inserted inside the vagina to hold the walls open so that your cervix can be accessed easily . This may feel a little cold , and some people say a little painful , but I barely felt it at all . There is a slight pressure inside as they take the swab . It 's quite hard to describe , but for me it was like a little poke , and just felt very deep ? Like an ' oh , that 's my cervix ! ' kind of response . Bearing in mind the swabbing takes approximately 15 - 20 seconds , and the speculum 20 seconds to put in and out , the actual examination takes less than a minute . They will ask you some basic questions beforehand , and you can expect results within two weeks . The main feeling I came out with is ' why hadn 't I done this sooner ? ' . It 's a relatively pain - free experience , took 5 - 10 minutes of my time , and meant that I can be confident that at least one part of my body is healthy . For the same reason I get STI tested , it 's just for peace of mind . And it 's great to finally tick off my to - do list ! If your sample has any cell abnormalities , it will be tested for human papilloma virus ( HPV ) , and if this is positive , you will be asked to go for further testing , known as a colposcopy . There are over 100 different types of HPV , and only a few of these are linked to cancer . My results showed ' changes to some of the cells in my cervix ' . There was evidence of HPV , but this does NOT necessarily mean I 'll need treatment . If you get the same response , I would please urge you to not panic at this stage . If you have low grade changes , most cases do not lead to cancer . However , a colposcopy should confirm what will need to happen next . How did I feel about my results ? A bit eye - roll worthy , to be honest ! It 's just my luck that this would happen . I 'm glad I eventually went , because having something go undetected could be dangerous , so if I do need treatment , better sooner than later ! At the same time , I know the second test is not a result of me delaying the smear , and it probably wouldn 't have made a difference if I had been tested straight away . What I will say to anyone who has received the invitation letter . . . just go and have it done . I felt a huge relief once it was over , and it 's such a simple procedure . You may not need one if you haven 't been sexually active , so check with your GP to see whether you need one or not . My colposcopy is booked for next week , so wish me luck ! It 'll be interesting to have giant binoculars pointing at myRead More I took about ten days out from my usual volunteering and daily activities recently . I 'd been very stressed and was feeling pretty run down . So I needed a break . Break from the slog of all the things I do . A break from the expectations others have of me " Oh , Emma will do that . " And most of all I needed a break from the pressure I put on myself to do everything and always say yes because I feel like I should . It 's the downside of doing voluntary work - it 's very hard to say no . Especially with all the pressure and expectation from society that we should be working in paying jobs full time and pulling our own weight . I was very clear to everyone what my plans were . I was going to a workshop in Birmingham and to London for two days . And I was going to see a friend . Other than that in the inbetween times I was going to laze around reading , watching TV and knitting . Several people said that sounded wonderful and they wished they could take the time just to be at home and relax . At least one person when told I wouldn 't be available at that time got the impression I was going away for the whole time . I didn 't disabuse them of that notion because them thinking that suited me . I enjoyed it and it was very useful . But getting to the point where I could take this break and put myself first for a few days was difficult . And even a few days before I nearly backed down - I could hear a conversation going on around me how someone was needed to do something that week . They weren 't sure how it could be done . It was one of my usual days and I didn 't have anything planned so for a few seconds I felt like I should speak up and offer to go in as usual . I didn 't though . Because I knew that actually I 'd do better long term and be more useful to them if I did take some me time and recharge my batteries . After ten days I felt better . Still tired but less stressed and run down . I 'd done almost everything I wanted to do . If anything I could have done with it being a few days longer - I didn 't feel ready to go back to my volunteering this Monday ! Going forward I think that 's something I probably need to do much more often . I need to carve out that time ( which I 'm not too bad at doing ) and stick to it ( I 'm terrible at that ) . But more than that I need to find a way to manage the expectations others have of me and get better at saying no to people when I need to . Me time is fantastic and so important . Fitting it in all the time rather than boom and bust like this is more important . I 'm a fairly new feminist . Looking back I 've always had feminist views but I 've only been identifying as a feminist for the last four years . I 'm twenty six and have a lot to learn in my journey into feminism . Today I wanted to share with you some of my favourite feminists of the moment , who inspire me and are making a big impact on the world . This list could go on for a very long time so I 'm hoping to make this into a blog series of sorts sharing about feminists that I love as I go along and discover them . Here are my first group to start with , if you 're not already following the work of these incredible women then I 've left handy links for you to check out . Emma Watson is without doubt one of the most influential feminists of the moment . She 's the public face of HeForShe a campaign for gender equality that specifically encourages men and boys to stand up to sexism . Emma 's speech at UN got everybody talking and has over 1 million views on Youtube here . More recently she 's started a book club called Our Shared Shelf which is an open book club encouraging people to read books on feminism . Shonda Rhimes is a television producer and writer and is known for both her diverse characters and badass leading ladies . Rhimes is responsible for shows such as Grey 's Anatomy , Scandal and How to Get Away With Murder . She 's a small - screen powerhouse dominating TV and changing what normal looks like on our television sets . She 's recently released a book called Year of Yes where she talks about balancing a demanding career and motherhood with refreshing honesty . Laura Bates Laura Bates is the woman behind the Everyday Sexism project and played a huge role in me recognizing that I am a feminist . On Everyday Sexism the public are encouraged to share their experiences of sexism from the big to the small stuff . What makes this project so powerful is that it shows how sexism is happening now everywhere and everyday making the comment " feminism is no longer needed " redundant . Laura has also turned the Everyday Sexism project into a book . Taylor Swift is one of the most powerful women in the world right now . She 's hugely successful off her own talent as a music artist and continuously promotes confidence , self worth and being women positive to her legions of fans . She gets a lot of flack for " not being a real feminist " but personally I think she 's fighting her own fight against sexism in the music industry and doing things her way and that in itself should be respected as being feminist . Blank Space will forever be my personal anthem . Malala Yousafzai Where to start with the powerhouse that is Malala ? She is an activist for female education and is the youngest Nobel laureate . She 's one of the most respected young women in history and has won award after award . Her story is both empowering and inspiring and has been made into both a film and a book . Holly Bourne Holly is the author of four books for Young Adults . She has released the first two of three books in the Spinster Club series that follows the lives of three teenage feminists . I love that Holly is making feminism accessible for teenage girls . I think that it 's so important that girls are taught about feminism from an early age and that 's what Holly does in a really fun and relatable way . The first book in the series Am I Normal Yet ? has recently been shortlisted for The YA Book Prize . Gloria Steinem Gloria Steinem is the very best of feminism and has been fighting for equality since before I was born . She 's a writer and the founder of Ms . Magazine and is both a leader and spokeswoman for the feminist movement . She 's an incredible woman with a mass of awards and credentials under her belt . She 's truly an icon for any feminist . Laverne Cox Laverne is an actress staring in one of my favourite TV shows Orange is the New Black . She 's openly a transgender woman on both the show as Sophia Burset and in her own life . She 's an LGBT advocate and is an icon for the transgender community . She 's won numerous awards such as Glamour magazine 's Woman of the Year and is known globally as one of the most influential LGBT people . If I was to count the number of friends I have , and treat it seriously , I would not get past one . Of course , I have work colleagues I get one with , people from the YA community who I love chatting to , and friends of the family who I think of warmly . But when it comes to real friends - the kind that are there for you no matter what ; who you can talk to all the time about absolutely anything ; who know you inside out and back to front , all your flaws , and love you anyway ; who you can confide in and be silly with and go to for assurance when you 're having a wobble - of those kind of friends , I have one . My best friend . And he lives in Belfast , while I live in London . This hasn 't been a problem for me . I 've not felt lonely or like something is lacking from my life . I have a very close family , and we spend a lot of time together , and they 've come to be friends , too . But at the end of last year , I came to realise that I don 't really have a great social life . With a lack of more friends , perhaps I 'm missing out on . . . something . Fun , sure - nights out , lunch dates , catching up over coffee - but also something more . People help you grow , right ? They challenge you and educate you and give you a different perspect . My best mate does a fantastic job at this , but maybe I could do with a few more people in my life ? And experience more things because of those people ? I decided that I was going to make an effort to try and make more friends this year . For those of you who don 't know , # DrinkYA is one of many social events for those in that YA communinity - readers , bloggers , authors , publishing people - to get together and just hang out , chat , and have a drink , organised by the brilliant Jim . I went to my first # DrinkYA event in January , hoping to meet new people , have fun talking about books , and hopefully make some friends in the process . I have always been quite shy . As a child , I was painfully shy ; I remember once hiding in the bathroom when family were visiting my Nan , because I didn 't know them well , and I got very nervous and didn 't want to talk to them . It 's got better as I 've got older , university and work have helped , but I still find talking to people I don 't know difficult . It 's not something that comes easy to me , and I have to work at it . " Don 't use small talk . Say something interesting , Stop feeling so nervous . Compliment them , maybe . Look them in the eye . Listen to what they 're actually saying . " To some I might seem stand - offish and rude , but I 'm not , I 'm just shy . But I didn 't realise just how socially anxious I was until # DrinkYA . ( I 'm not talking about Social Anxiety Disorder here , but social anxiety . The latter can lead into the former , but it 's not a mental illness . ) I went to the event feeling a little nervous , but generally pretty excited . Until I got there and realised in a group of around 30 people , there were only two I knew . It was overwhelming , and I became so uncomfortable . From my intro post , you might think I was a strong person who is happy in her skin and with who she is , and doesn 't really care what other people think . And for the most part , I am . But at # DrinkYA , I crumbled . Jim did introduce me to a number of people , and everyone was lovely . But I struggled with finding things to say . I let them lead the conversation and followed them , asking questions , trying to say interesting things , but I was like a rabbit in the headlights . I felt like I was being humoured , like they were taking pity on me , but weren 't really interested . It 's hard to describe how I felt . There were all these people , and they were going to judge me and find me lacking , and I just wanted to escape . So I wouldn 't have to talk , so I wouldn 't have to be judged . It was also hard because everyone else seemed to know each other from other social or bookish events , which I can 't always attend because of work , and I was there on the sidelines . So not only was I struggling to talk to people I didn 't know , I also felt like an outsider . I even went to the toilet at one point , just to get away from everyone . For a little bit of peace , a little bit of quiet . With my head in my hands , feeling like an idiot . Eventually , I pasted on a smile and went back up , but it was just as bad . As I said , everyone was lovely - I wasn 't being judged , I wasn 't being pitied , these people were there to hang out and chat just like me . But that 's how my social anxiety made me feel , and it was unbearable . I lasted two hours before leaving , making my way home on the bus , feeling like a failure . How was I supposed to make friends , when I can 't even handle meeting new people ? A few days after , I had a talk with myself . I wasn 't a failure . So big groups are obviously not for me , I can 't handle being around so many people I don 't know . But smaller groups ? I can do that . I organised a get - together with a few people over coffee , and although that was a little awkward at times , I was fine . An old friend from way back got in touch asking to meet up this year , and we had a drink together one night , getting to know each other again and reliving old times . It was a great night ! And I went to a gallery with a blogger from the US who is studying here for a few months . Fewer people , but a step in the right direction . I still have just the one friend , but we 're only in the third month of the year . There 's time . And I 'm hoping that seeing more people at events and organising get - togethers will help me get there . There are several people I know that I would so love to be friends with . People who are so smart , who are just so cool and inspiring , who just seem like so much fun . But it 's not really the done thing to go up to people and say , " Hey , I think you 're awesome . Please be my friend ? " Needy and creepy , much ? But I 'm sure I 'll get there . And if you see me at an event in the future , and I 'm kind of quiet or on my own or not saying very much , please don 't feel badly of me . I 'm not being rude , I don 't think I 'm better than you , nor am I not interested . I 'm just shy , and I 'm probably feeling nervous about talking to you , and maybe struggling for something to say . If you know me online , and want to , please do come over and say hi . You 've no idea how much that would mean to me when I 'm struggling , how much it would help . Now it 's unrealistic of me to say that I 'll feel better about my body by the time I get home from America . With the quantity of guacamole that I intend on eating it 's likely that I 'll feel even worse for a while but then I can begin to address those feelings and work on getting my body back to a size that feels right for me . Just me . No one else 's opinion matters . Skinny or not , bikini body here I come . ( By that I mean a bikini is going on my body . obvs . ) Over the years I 've been called a " drama queen " and an " attention seeker " by my nearest and dearest . I 've been told to " get a grip " and that I need to " stop worrying about nothing . " I think it 's hard for me to write this post because hypochondria is an anxiety disorder that 's hardly ever spoken about and therefore has a long way to go in fighting the stigma surrounding mental illness that we 're just starting to break . For me , living with hypochondria is losing a whole night to googling symptoms and reading about various illnesses online spending hours trying to self - diagnose . It 's lying awake terrified that I 'm ill or dying . It 's having intrusive thoughts about all of the big scary illnesses out there and the chances of me one day having them . It 's about worrying that even getting help for these illnesses , like having surgery , carry a risk of death . Truthfully , having hypochondria is terrifying and something that I often sit with alone . In my experience , when people think of death they see it as a far off thing that won 't happen to them , or at the very least is something that they won 't have to face for a long time . I 'm the complete opposite . I 'm very aware that death is a part of life and that one day I will die and so will everybody that I 've ever cared about . I know that death can sweep in and happen unexpectedly when you 're not looking and so I 've made death my personal enemy . There are so many health warnings these days , everywhere you look from posters to TV adverts . Now I 'm not saying that 's a bad thing , I 'm sure these advertisements save lives . But when you 're a hypochondriac being reminded that 1 of 2 people in the UK will be diagnosed with some form of cancer during their lifetime is not helpful . I look at those odds and I look around at the people I love and a wave of paralysing fear washes over me . Because as well as worrying about my own health I also am a hypochondriac when it comes to the people I love . My family get so annoyed with me when they 're ill . If they have an illness for longer than two weeks I 'm certain that they 're going to die . I will nag at them to see a doctor and spend countless nights until the illness has passed crying myself to sleep and having panic attacks because I 'm certain that something is seriously wrong with them . In society hypochondria is a mental health condition that is still very much seen as a joke . It 's perceived as self - indulgent , dramatic and pathetic but in reality it is a terrifying condition to live with . On a regular basis I convince myself that I am ill and that I am going to die . I may not be physically ill but mentally I am there living it and experiencing it . I believe it deeply and wholly . To me , in my mind , I am sick and I am dying . Fact . And it 's not until my symptoms subside or I get a doctor 's diagnosis that I believe otherwise . It 's petrifying and mentally exhausting . Hypochondria is not a silly , frivolous or indulgent condition to have . It 's no fun to live with and is certainly no joke to be laughed off . I hope that one day it will be seen as the crippling anxiety disorder that it is and treated with the respect it deserves . But until that day I refuse to be ridiculed for a condition that I have as little control over as my OCD , PTSD and Depression . I refuse to be made fun of and refuse to believe that my very real fear is trivial , petty and insignificant . It seems to me that society has a way of telling girls and women that the only way to really fit in and be a girl or woman is if you wear make - up . Every single film , tv show , magazine , book cover , etc , seems to show a picture of a female who has professionally done make - up , and lets not go down the photoshop road where we remove all spots and blemishes too . But , needless to say , staring everyone in the face is this idea that without make up , females just aren 't doing it right . This is how I felt growing up . I would watch as my eldest sister got ready to go to school and it would take her over an hour just to put make - up on . I 'd go to school without it and meet up with my friends who were all perfectly made - up and liked to spend time discussing the newest line that had been released at the weekend while I sat feeling a little confused and alone . I don 't remember when I first started wearing make - up . I don 't know what it was that made me walk into Superdrug and buy my first product . But I have now come to a point in my life where I am physically incapable of living without it . In fact , I actually did an experiment last month just to see if I could live without it and it was hard , I felt uncomfortable , and eventually I was incredibly glad the month was up . I ran back to my BB creame and plastered it on my face with an odd sense of glee . This was a revealing moment for me . As I grew up without a clue , it 's odd to realise that I now struggle without make - up . Essentially the only make - up I use is foundation . Occasionally I might branch out to some mascara and a bit of blusher but that 's as far as I go . Mostly because I wouldn 't even know where to start when it comes to the rest of the make up range . But what I discovered about make - up and me is that I find that wearing foundation is similar to wearing clothes . When I walk out of the house without make - up , I feel naked . It doesn 't matter that usually by the end of the day my foundation has washed off anyway , the fact that to start the day I was free of it , left me feeling so uncomfortable . It felt like everyone was looking at me . Like they were looking at all my ugly freckles , at my face blemishes , at the ugly spots and the moments when my cheeks would heat up , and they were judging me . ( They weren 't , but that 's what it felt like to me ) . It 's a bit like when you get home and realise you have something stuck between your teeth and you realise no body told you about it . To me , not wearing make - up and having no one say anything felt like they were just being too polite . So while it took me a while to first put make - up on , and while I don 't think it 's something that women have to wear , I thought it was interesting to discover that I have now become someone unable to go make - up free . To me , make - up is as essential as wearing clothes . Without it I feel naked , on show , and looked at . Make - up lets me blend in and I 'm able to sit in the background unnoticed . Because with society making it seem normal to wear make - up , not wearing it can definitely make it seem like you 've got a spotlight on you . ( But you don 't , you really don 't ) . So what I want to end this post with is to say that while I am unable to leave the house without make - up on , in some ways I wish I never started wearing it . Because I shouldn 't have to . I shouldn 't feel this uncomfortable about not wearing make - up . If you 're someone who doesn 't wear make - up , good on you . If you 're someone who does , good on you too . I guess what I 'm trying to say is ; ignore society . Whether you wear it or not , do it because YOU want to . Do what makes you comfortable . Because at the end of the day , that 's the most important thing in life , right ? I love music . I love to put it on loud and dance around my flat whilst singing along ( badly but enthusiastically ) . I probably annoy my neighbours when I do that but I can 't make myself stop . There are a lot of songs that have memories wrapped around . Songs that make me smile and laugh . Ones that make the bad days better . And ones I probably shouldn 't love but I just do . And I tend to find a lot of meaning in song lyrics . I 'd struggle to tell you my favourite band or genre because I have ecclectic tastes . I have a special place in my heart for musicals and have a lot of soundtracks in my collection and at the moment I 'm on a big Adele kick . But other than that pretty much anything goes . In this day and age vaginas are everywhere . It 's easier than ever to access porn thanks to the internet . Whether they 're in a picture , gif or video , vaginas can be found all over the place . But as a teenager , no matter how many different vaginas I saw , they all looked exactly the same and nothing like my own . Was something wrong with me ? Many years later it turns out that the answer is no . Labia minora ( inner lips ) and labia majora ( outer lips ) are a completely normal part of the vagina and I wish this was something that I knew earlier in life so I didn 't have to feel so self - conscious about it . The main reason for the increasing popularity of labiaplasties seems to be because teenage girls and young women don 't know what " normal " looks like . Talking about sex is becoming less taboo but it seems that talking about our vaginas is still off topic . Instead girls are relying on porn and text books ( seriously sex ed ? ) to see images of other vaginas which are far from reliable sources . Sadly another factor that comes into it is boys . Because teenage boys are also not given any sort of education on what women 's genitalia actually looks like they 're also seeing their first vaginas in porn . I 've heard of girl 's with completely normal looking labia being referred to as having " hanging ham " or " beef curtains " by their sexual partners . If this has ever happened to you take comfort in knowing that this is down to sheer ignorance on your partner 's behalf . Oh and also ? They 're an asshole . For the record , all vaginas look completely different . The labia minora can be tucked in or stick out , it can be darker or lighter than the rest of the vulva , they can be straight or wavy , thin or thick , wrinkled or smooth , and like boobs one can also be bigger than the other . In length labia can be anything from 0 - 4 inches long . I 'd really recommend getting a hand mirror and taking a look down there . Find out what is normal for you . I promise that whatever you 're looking at is a completely healthy and ordinary vagina . I wanted to speak up today because it seems like , once again , society has far too much to say about our bodies . The vagina is just another body part that 's being used to make us women feel inferior . Your vagina doesn 't belong to society or to your partner , it belongs to you . By talking about what looks normal for us we 're raising awareness and busting harmful stereotypes on what a " pretty vagina " should look like . Just Pull Yourself Together ! " At least it 's not cancer . " " So many people have it worse than you . " " Just pull yourself together ; we all have to deal with stuff have suicidal thoughts , people just think I 'm being over - dramatic and selfish ? Go figure . Some people argue that mental health is easier to go through normal bodily reaction to it you did not just have " OMG A PANIC ATTACK . " Sigh . Can you tell it makes me a bit annoyed ? ! I just wish I could live in a world where it wasn 't a Because , boy , did I lose . And I don 't just mean my mum . I lost my plans to move closer to London with my best friend , my freedom , financial freedom , ability to try for the career I want and being guilt - free when I do something for myself . It didn 't take long before I was in a really , really bad place . I was unhappy , lonely , comfort eating to a ridiculous degree ( an ongoing battle in my life ! ) and I felt trapped and stuck . It was bleeding into every aspect of my days . I pushed people away , desperate to convince them that I was fine , that I could handle everything I had taken on . I couldn 't . There were people in my life that stepped back and left me to deal with everything when I needed that support , but there were also others that I couldn 't get rid of - neither was what I needed , but did I say so ? Of course not . But everything seemed to come down to my job . That was where is spent 9 hours a day , the thing that ruled my life and stopped me from being able to do the things I needed to do . So I left . It changed everything for me . I went on holiday several times , spent time with my sister and my friends , went to book events and became a part of the UKYA community again . When I think of the possibility of not taking that terrifying step I shudder . I don 't know what would have happened , but it probably would have ended with me in hospital . I needed that time to settle myself again . To re - learn how to be a big sister ( and a sort of mum , I guess ) . I needed to come to terms with what I 'd lost , but also with the things I 've gained . I have no doubts about who and what I want in my life now . I 'm a virgin by choice , but it 's not something I really like talking about . I 'm not ashamed of being a virgin - as I said , I choose to be - but I 'm tired of the shock on people 's faces when I say so , their exclamations of , " Why ? ! " , the disbelief in their voice . Immediately after the shock , I can tell from their faces , without me having said another word yet , their judgemental thoughts . We live in a society where being a virgin past your late teens is unacceptable . If you 're not having sex as a teenager , you 're weird . You 're also " frigid " . That , or no - one wants you , because you 're so ugly . Or you 're a lesbian * . Maybe an ugly lesbian . There is so much pressure to lose your virginity at a young age - not necessarily because you want to , but because you don 't want do deal with all the crap from others , you don 't want to be that girl . Nor do you want to be the last virgin in a group of experienced friends . It 's also some kind of stamp of approval : I have had sex , so I 'm wanted , ergo I am attractive . Also , no teenage boy * * is going to stick around if you don 't " put out " . A lot of girls will have sex not for their own pleasure , but to please their sexual partner . I remember my best mate telling me he was on the bus once when he overheard two young teenage girls talking . One said to the other , " He 'll like me if I give him a blow job . " Does that not make you feel so unbelievably sad ? Not only should you not be a virgin , but you should also have a certain level of sexual experience . It almost seems like guys feel it 's a given that you would be happy to perform certain sexual acts , or have sex in certain positions . I think this is probably down to porn ; these acts , these positions are just what 's done . Is there really any conversation any more between sexual partners - at any age - about what they 're both comfortable and happy with , and what they 're not ? Back to me . I am a virgin because , for me , sex has to mean something . As a teenager , I wasn 't as interested in boys as my friends were ; I fancied boys , but I didn 't want to kiss them , let alone anything else . It just wasn 't what I wanted , what I was ready for . And I wasn 't going to be dictated to , and forced into having sex with someone when I didn 't want to , because it was uncool to be a virgin . I feel the same way now ; I will not have sex if I 'm not ready for it . As things stand now , I wouldn 't say I 'm not ready to have sex in general , but as sex must mean something to me , there has to be that relationship there ; there needs to be trust , and while I don 't think I necessarily have to be in love with the guy , there has to be feelings involved , from both of us . I am not in a relationship , and so I 've not had sex . Perhaps if I had been a number of years ago , I would no longer be a virgin . I have no problem with other people having casual sex , but that 's just not for me . The idea of a meaningless one night stand is a massive turn off . There is nothing about the idea that appeals to me . I did flirt with the idea of casual sex once . As a child , I was brought up being told that sex is something that happens between two people when they love each other . I know this isn 't the case now for everyone , but it 's an idea that stuck with me . I wondered if how I felt about sex was down to how I 'd been brought up . Does it have to mean something because that 's what I actually want , or does it have to mean something because I 'm a " good " girl , and that 's what I was brought up to believe ? So when a really hot guy made it pretty clear all he was interested in was sex , I did think about it . Did I want to have sex with him ? He definitely turned me on , and I enjoyed thinking about it . . . but in the end , the thought of actually having sex with him , when we meant nothing to each other , just left me feeling cold . So this isn 't down to how I was brought up , but what I actually feel . And so far , it 's not been much of a problem . I 've had two sexual experiences . One wasn 't so great ; the guy tried to lead us in a certain direction , and when I stopped him , he responded with , " I didn 't think so . " And although he acted like it wasn 't a problem , he continued to try several times more , and I kept having to stop him . He was a bit of a dick , and was quite selfish , to the point where I wasn 't being turned on by what he was doing , and I seriously worried I was one of those people who wouldn 't enjoy sex . The second time was a million times better . The guy didn 't have any problems whatsoever with me being a virgin . He was perfectly happy to go at my pace , and would check I was happy with and enjoying what was happening , and ask if he could do this or do that . He stopped when I asked him to , and didn 't go further than I wanted . He was ok with me not being ready to for certain things . He never rushed me , or pressured me , or expected anything more than what I was comfortable with . He was patient and unselfish . He made it all about me and my enjoyment . And it was amazing . I do sometimes worry that I 'm too old to still be a virgin , that no guy my own age would be willing to wait for me when he could quite easily get his leg over with someone else , whether in or out of a relationship . But I won 't be made to feel I must have sex with a future boyfriend in order to get him to stay . Because of my second sexual experience , I already know it 's not a problem for some . And so do you . Your body - and your virginity - belongs to you . Everyone 's experiences will be different , there 's no right or wrong , it 's about what you 're comfortable with . We don 't have to do anything we don 't want to . We should not feel pressured into anything . And there 's nothing wrong with exercising your right to say , " No . " * I 'm sure we all know that being a lesbian is not a bad thing . These are all the cruel things I heard shouted out in the school playground from immature teenagers , mainly boys . This isn 't what I think . * * I 'm not trying to be heteronormative . This post is based on my personal experience and that of those I knew when I was a teen . Here at Safe Space we understand that it 's hard as f * * k being a girl . Periods , sexism and trying to put on eyeliner can be all in a days work . Safe Space is a place where a group of women bring you posts about trying to hold their shit together . Talking honestly about mental health , feminism , sexuality and other important life stuff . No judgment , no hate , because it 's already tough enough being a girl . Ah , Damage . How could a book be so difficult to write ? To be honest most ideas are pretty hard to get out on paper , but thi . . . Hello All ! We have a bit of a different post here on Safe Space today . We 're throwing all the toys out the pram - so to speak - as . . . I 've already had five and a half years with my chronic illness . I 've gotten used to it disturbing my life and disrupting my plans . It se . . .
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I need to start this post with the disclaimer that I have small boobies . If you read this and think " what does she know sitting there with her B cups " I am aware this whole process has been easier because I have a small chest . And I am by no means saying everyone should stop wearing all kinds of bras , more asking you to consider WHY we wear underwired , padded , push - up , cleavage - boosting ones . Are we all on the same page ? Good . Off we go , then . My first ever bra was , I think , a 28AAA . Seriously . It wasn 't even a bra ; it was a bra - shaped crop top . My mum got it for me because , at 13 , I really didn 't have any breasts at all but felt self conscious about not wearing a bra in P . E ; my crop tops felt childish . Like a lot of girls , I think , I grew up thinking breasts were the ultimate sign of femininity and that NOT having breasts meant I was less of a girl . Eventually I got enough in the breasticles department to fill a cup that wasn 't a made up size and off I went and I never looked back . A few years ago I finally came to terms with how much I fucking hate bras . They 've never fitted me properly even after being professionally measured , they always seemed to make my boobs hurt all the freaking time and despite being fairly thin I always got that weird mini fat roll between my bra - encased breasts and my arms that made me feel ugly and fat and self conscious . " But I can 't stop wearing them ! " I thought . " That would . . . just be WRONG . Everyone wears a bra ! What would people THINK . What would they SAY . " I struggled on . Then , just over a year ago I decided I didn 't give a rat 's ass what people think . I 'm uncomfortable enough in my body from the pain of my chronic health condition , without voluntarily adding extra discomfort . So I took the plunge and I did not wear a bra . And no one said a goddamned thing . Without a bra , I felt free . My boobs stopped hurting . The level of comfort I now experienced was just . . . indescribable . But more than that , I felt powerful . For so long I wore a bra because I thought that , as a woman , it was what was expected of me . It was part of the social contract . And going against that , and feeling better for it , made me feel strong . I started to wonder why I 'd even started wearing one in the first place . I 'd not needed the support because of back pain , so why had I bothered ? Because I felt like I was supposed to . Wearing a bra was a sign I was a woman , like starting my period or growing pubic hair , it was a sign that I had Made It . I was part of the club . And I started to feel like the only reason I ever wore a bra was , not because I needed to , but because everyone else needed me to . Because it was expected that my breasts sit at a certain place on my chest and be a certain shape and not move very much and , heavens forbid , never suggest I have nipples . And the more I thought about it the more I felt I 'd been duped . I 'd been wearing these godforsaken things for a decade and I really didn 't need to . Obviously , bras have many practical applications . I know many of us breast - bearers opt for bras for a range of reasons , and going totally braless is not necessarily an option for all . I do think that when we think ' bra ' we think of the underwired variety , probs with a bit of padding for maximum boobage and to guarantee nipple coverage on even the coldest of days , and designed to hoist our breasts up to their socially desirable position about an inch below our chins . Boobies are not supposed to go this way . If they were , that 's where they 'd be already . The point of this post is more to get us to think about what we put our boobs in , rather than just reaching for what we 've always reached for . There 's bras without underwire , sports bras , camisoles with built - in support cups . Regular camisoles . And yes , going totally braless . In the UK , once a woman turns 24 or 25 , she is invited to go for a cervical screening test , or a ' smear ' test . They then need to be tested every 3 years until they turn 50 . My 24th birthday came and went , and my screening letter arrived on my doorstep . I promptly opened it , tossed it to one side , and forgot about it . Why , you might ask ? Maybe it 's down to the fact that I am notoriously bad at booking appointments ; it took me 18 months after moving to actually register with a GP . But I think deep down I was also feeling what pretty much every woman feels when they receive the letter : apprehension . And I 'm not really sure . I 'm quite blasé about illnesses ; I don 't worry about catching diseases or developing conditions . I 'm pretty laid back in life and it 's just not something that I ( thankfully ) have anxieties about . And I knew the procedure might be a little embarrassing , but I 've had several STI tests ( better safe than sorry ! ) and from what I gather , they are pretty much the same . Yes it 's an inconvenience , but it 's over within minutes . Yet I joined the thousands of women who put off having their smear tests every year . It wasn 't until I received my third reminder letter , and my friend ( who I share the same birthday with ) booked her 's , that I figured that I should just go ahead and book mine . Smear tests are performed at your GP surgery , and are generally done by a nurse . I worried about stuff that is ENTIRELY irrelevant . What do I wear ? How much should I groom ? Should I shower before ? Or would that affect the results ? All of this is completely irrelevant ! If you want to be able to cover up quickly , I would recommend a skirt , as you can just whip it up for the action and then flop it back down again . But the nurse will give you as much time as you need to take clothes on and off , so just wear whatever is comfortable . I don 't recommend fifty layers because you will probably end with something upside down / back to front . With regards to the procedure itself - look away now if you 're particularly squeamish ! - it 's pretty straightforward . Once I had undressed from the waist down , I lay down on the couch . They may raise the bed as necessary , so don 't be alarmed if you are two feet higher than when you started ! It 's to save the nurses having to convolute themselves over your nether regions . Next comes the part most people dread : the speculum . It 's either plastic or metal , and is inserted inside the vagina to hold the walls open so that your cervix can be accessed easily . This may feel a little cold , and some people say a little painful , but I barely felt it at all . There is a slight pressure inside as they take the swab . It 's quite hard to describe , but for me it was like a little poke , and just felt very deep ? Like an ' oh , that 's my cervix ! ' kind of response . Bearing in mind the swabbing takes approximately 15 - 20 seconds , and the speculum 20 seconds to put in and out , the actual examination takes less than a minute . They will ask you some basic questions beforehand , and you can expect results within two weeks . The main feeling I came out with is ' why hadn 't I done this sooner ? ' . It 's a relatively pain - free experience , took 5 - 10 minutes of my time , and meant that I can be confident that at least one part of my body is healthy . For the same reason I get STI tested , it 's just for peace of mind . And it 's great to finally tick off my to - do list ! If your sample has any cell abnormalities , it will be tested for human papilloma virus ( HPV ) , and if this is positive , you will be asked to go for further testing , known as a colposcopy . There are over 100 different types of HPV , and only a few of these are linked to cancer . My results showed ' changes to some of the cells in my cervix ' . There was evidence of HPV , but this does NOT necessarily mean I 'll need treatment . If you get the same response , I would please urge you to not panic at this stage . If you have low grade changes , most cases do not lead to cancer . However , a colposcopy should confirm what will need to happen next . How did I feel about my results ? A bit eye - roll worthy , to be honest ! It 's just my luck that this would happen . I 'm glad I eventually went , because having something go undetected could be dangerous , so if I do need treatment , better sooner than later ! At the same time , I know the second test is not a result of me delaying the smear , and it probably wouldn 't have made a difference if I had been tested straight away . What I will say to anyone who has received the invitation letter . . . just go and have it done . I felt a huge relief once it was over , and it 's such a simple procedure . You may not need one if you haven 't been sexually active , so check with your GP to see whether you need one or not . My colposcopy is booked for next week , so wish me luck ! It 'll be interesting to have giant binoculars pointing at myRead More I took about ten days out from my usual volunteering and daily activities recently . I 'd been very stressed and was feeling pretty run down . So I needed a break . Break from the slog of all the things I do . A break from the expectations others have of me " Oh , Emma will do that . " And most of all I needed a break from the pressure I put on myself to do everything and always say yes because I feel like I should . It 's the downside of doing voluntary work - it 's very hard to say no . Especially with all the pressure and expectation from society that we should be working in paying jobs full time and pulling our own weight . I was very clear to everyone what my plans were . I was going to a workshop in Birmingham and to London for two days . And I was going to see a friend . Other than that in the inbetween times I was going to laze around reading , watching TV and knitting . Several people said that sounded wonderful and they wished they could take the time just to be at home and relax . At least one person when told I wouldn 't be available at that time got the impression I was going away for the whole time . I didn 't disabuse them of that notion because them thinking that suited me . I enjoyed it and it was very useful . But getting to the point where I could take this break and put myself first for a few days was difficult . And even a few days before I nearly backed down - I could hear a conversation going on around me how someone was needed to do something that week . They weren 't sure how it could be done . It was one of my usual days and I didn 't have anything planned so for a few seconds I felt like I should speak up and offer to go in as usual . I didn 't though . Because I knew that actually I 'd do better long term and be more useful to them if I did take some me time and recharge my batteries . After ten days I felt better . Still tired but less stressed and run down . I 'd done almost everything I wanted to do . If anything I could have done with it being a few days longer - I didn 't feel ready to go back to my volunteering this Monday ! Going forward I think that 's something I probably need to do much more often . I need to carve out that time ( which I 'm not too bad at doing ) and stick to it ( I 'm terrible at that ) . But more than that I need to find a way to manage the expectations others have of me and get better at saying no to people when I need to . Me time is fantastic and so important . Fitting it in all the time rather than boom and bust like this is more important . I 'm a fairly new feminist . Looking back I 've always had feminist views but I 've only been identifying as a feminist for the last four years . I 'm twenty six and have a lot to learn in my journey into feminism . Today I wanted to share with you some of my favourite feminists of the moment , who inspire me and are making a big impact on the world . This list could go on for a very long time so I 'm hoping to make this into a blog series of sorts sharing about feminists that I love as I go along and discover them . Here are my first group to start with , if you 're not already following the work of these incredible women then I 've left handy links for you to check out . Emma Watson is without doubt one of the most influential feminists of the moment . She 's the public face of HeForShe a campaign for gender equality that specifically encourages men and boys to stand up to sexism . Emma 's speech at UN got everybody talking and has over 1 million views on Youtube here . More recently she 's started a book club called Our Shared Shelf which is an open book club encouraging people to read books on feminism . Shonda Rhimes is a television producer and writer and is known for both her diverse characters and badass leading ladies . Rhimes is responsible for shows such as Grey 's Anatomy , Scandal and How to Get Away With Murder . She 's a small - screen powerhouse dominating TV and changing what normal looks like on our television sets . She 's recently released a book called Year of Yes where she talks about balancing a demanding career and motherhood with refreshing honesty . Laura Bates Laura Bates is the woman behind the Everyday Sexism project and played a huge role in me recognizing that I am a feminist . On Everyday Sexism the public are encouraged to share their experiences of sexism from the big to the small stuff . What makes this project so powerful is that it shows how sexism is happening now everywhere and everyday making the comment " feminism is no longer needed " redundant . Laura has also turned the Everyday Sexism project into a book . Taylor Swift is one of the most powerful women in the world right now . She 's hugely successful off her own talent as a music artist and continuously promotes confidence , self worth and being women positive to her legions of fans . She gets a lot of flack for " not being a real feminist " but personally I think she 's fighting her own fight against sexism in the music industry and doing things her way and that in itself should be respected as being feminist . Blank Space will forever be my personal anthem . Malala Yousafzai Where to start with the powerhouse that is Malala ? She is an activist for female education and is the youngest Nobel laureate . She 's one of the most respected young women in history and has won award after award . Her story is both empowering and inspiring and has been made into both a film and a book . Holly Bourne Holly is the author of four books for Young Adults . She has released the first two of three books in the Spinster Club series that follows the lives of three teenage feminists . I love that Holly is making feminism accessible for teenage girls . I think that it 's so important that girls are taught about feminism from an early age and that 's what Holly does in a really fun and relatable way . The first book in the series Am I Normal Yet ? has recently been shortlisted for The YA Book Prize . Gloria Steinem Gloria Steinem is the very best of feminism and has been fighting for equality since before I was born . She 's a writer and the founder of Ms . Magazine and is both a leader and spokeswoman for the feminist movement . She 's an incredible woman with a mass of awards and credentials under her belt . She 's truly an icon for any feminist . Laverne Cox Laverne is an actress staring in one of my favourite TV shows Orange is the New Black . She 's openly a transgender woman on both the show as Sophia Burset and in her own life . She 's an LGBT advocate and is an icon for the transgender community . She 's won numerous awards such as Glamour magazine 's Woman of the Year and is known globally as one of the most influential LGBT people . If I was to count the number of friends I have , and treat it seriously , I would not get past one . Of course , I have work colleagues I get one with , people from the YA community who I love chatting to , and friends of the family who I think of warmly . But when it comes to real friends - the kind that are there for you no matter what ; who you can talk to all the time about absolutely anything ; who know you inside out and back to front , all your flaws , and love you anyway ; who you can confide in and be silly with and go to for assurance when you 're having a wobble - of those kind of friends , I have one . My best friend . And he lives in Belfast , while I live in London . This hasn 't been a problem for me . I 've not felt lonely or like something is lacking from my life . I have a very close family , and we spend a lot of time together , and they 've come to be friends , too . But at the end of last year , I came to realise that I don 't really have a great social life . With a lack of more friends , perhaps I 'm missing out on . . . something . Fun , sure - nights out , lunch dates , catching up over coffee - but also something more . People help you grow , right ? They challenge you and educate you and give you a different perspect . My best mate does a fantastic job at this , but maybe I could do with a few more people in my life ? And experience more things because of those people ? I decided that I was going to make an effort to try and make more friends this year . For those of you who don 't know , # DrinkYA is one of many social events for those in that YA communinity - readers , bloggers , authors , publishing people - to get together and just hang out , chat , and have a drink , organised by the brilliant Jim . I went to my first # DrinkYA event in January , hoping to meet new people , have fun talking about books , and hopefully make some friends in the process . I have always been quite shy . As a child , I was painfully shy ; I remember once hiding in the bathroom when family were visiting my Nan , because I didn 't know them well , and I got very nervous and didn 't want to talk to them . It 's got better as I 've got older , university and work have helped , but I still find talking to people I don 't know difficult . It 's not something that comes easy to me , and I have to work at it . " Don 't use small talk . Say something interesting , Stop feeling so nervous . Compliment them , maybe . Look them in the eye . Listen to what they 're actually saying . " To some I might seem stand - offish and rude , but I 'm not , I 'm just shy . But I didn 't realise just how socially anxious I was until # DrinkYA . ( I 'm not talking about Social Anxiety Disorder here , but social anxiety . The latter can lead into the former , but it 's not a mental illness . ) I went to the event feeling a little nervous , but generally pretty excited . Until I got there and realised in a group of around 30 people , there were only two I knew . It was overwhelming , and I became so uncomfortable . From my intro post , you might think I was a strong person who is happy in her skin and with who she is , and doesn 't really care what other people think . And for the most part , I am . But at # DrinkYA , I crumbled . Jim did introduce me to a number of people , and everyone was lovely . But I struggled with finding things to say . I let them lead the conversation and followed them , asking questions , trying to say interesting things , but I was like a rabbit in the headlights . I felt like I was being humoured , like they were taking pity on me , but weren 't really interested . It 's hard to describe how I felt . There were all these people , and they were going to judge me and find me lacking , and I just wanted to escape . So I wouldn 't have to talk , so I wouldn 't have to be judged . It was also hard because everyone else seemed to know each other from other social or bookish events , which I can 't always attend because of work , and I was there on the sidelines . So not only was I struggling to talk to people I didn 't know , I also felt like an outsider . I even went to the toilet at one point , just to get away from everyone . For a little bit of peace , a little bit of quiet . With my head in my hands , feeling like an idiot . Eventually , I pasted on a smile and went back up , but it was just as bad . As I said , everyone was lovely - I wasn 't being judged , I wasn 't being pitied , these people were there to hang out and chat just like me . But that 's how my social anxiety made me feel , and it was unbearable . I lasted two hours before leaving , making my way home on the bus , feeling like a failure . How was I supposed to make friends , when I can 't even handle meeting new people ? A few days after , I had a talk with myself . I wasn 't a failure . So big groups are obviously not for me , I can 't handle being around so many people I don 't know . But smaller groups ? I can do that . I organised a get - together with a few people over coffee , and although that was a little awkward at times , I was fine . An old friend from way back got in touch asking to meet up this year , and we had a drink together one night , getting to know each other again and reliving old times . It was a great night ! And I went to a gallery with a blogger from the US who is studying here for a few months . Fewer people , but a step in the right direction . I still have just the one friend , but we 're only in the third month of the year . There 's time . And I 'm hoping that seeing more people at events and organising get - togethers will help me get there . There are several people I know that I would so love to be friends with . People who are so smart , who are just so cool and inspiring , who just seem like so much fun . But it 's not really the done thing to go up to people and say , " Hey , I think you 're awesome . Please be my friend ? " Needy and creepy , much ? But I 'm sure I 'll get there . And if you see me at an event in the future , and I 'm kind of quiet or on my own or not saying very much , please don 't feel badly of me . I 'm not being rude , I don 't think I 'm better than you , nor am I not interested . I 'm just shy , and I 'm probably feeling nervous about talking to you , and maybe struggling for something to say . If you know me online , and want to , please do come over and say hi . You 've no idea how much that would mean to me when I 'm struggling , how much it would help . Now it 's unrealistic of me to say that I 'll feel better about my body by the time I get home from America . With the quantity of guacamole that I intend on eating it 's likely that I 'll feel even worse for a while but then I can begin to address those feelings and work on getting my body back to a size that feels right for me . Just me . No one else 's opinion matters . Skinny or not , bikini body here I come . ( By that I mean a bikini is going on my body . obvs . ) Over the years I 've been called a " drama queen " and an " attention seeker " by my nearest and dearest . I 've been told to " get a grip " and that I need to " stop worrying about nothing . " I think it 's hard for me to write this post because hypochondria is an anxiety disorder that 's hardly ever spoken about and therefore has a long way to go in fighting the stigma surrounding mental illness that we 're just starting to break . For me , living with hypochondria is losing a whole night to googling symptoms and reading about various illnesses online spending hours trying to self - diagnose . It 's lying awake terrified that I 'm ill or dying . It 's having intrusive thoughts about all of the big scary illnesses out there and the chances of me one day having them . It 's about worrying that even getting help for these illnesses , like having surgery , carry a risk of death . Truthfully , having hypochondria is terrifying and something that I often sit with alone . In my experience , when people think of death they see it as a far off thing that won 't happen to them , or at the very least is something that they won 't have to face for a long time . I 'm the complete opposite . I 'm very aware that death is a part of life and that one day I will die and so will everybody that I 've ever cared about . I know that death can sweep in and happen unexpectedly when you 're not looking and so I 've made death my personal enemy . There are so many health warnings these days , everywhere you look from posters to TV adverts . Now I 'm not saying that 's a bad thing , I 'm sure these advertisements save lives . But when you 're a hypochondriac being reminded that 1 of 2 people in the UK will be diagnosed with some form of cancer during their lifetime is not helpful . I look at those odds and I look around at the people I love and a wave of paralysing fear washes over me . Because as well as worrying about my own health I also am a hypochondriac when it comes to the people I love . My family get so annoyed with me when they 're ill . If they have an illness for longer than two weeks I 'm certain that they 're going to die . I will nag at them to see a doctor and spend countless nights until the illness has passed crying myself to sleep and having panic attacks because I 'm certain that something is seriously wrong with them . In society hypochondria is a mental health condition that is still very much seen as a joke . It 's perceived as self - indulgent , dramatic and pathetic but in reality it is a terrifying condition to live with . On a regular basis I convince myself that I am ill and that I am going to die . I may not be physically ill but mentally I am there living it and experiencing it . I believe it deeply and wholly . To me , in my mind , I am sick and I am dying . Fact . And it 's not until my symptoms subside or I get a doctor 's diagnosis that I believe otherwise . It 's petrifying and mentally exhausting . Hypochondria is not a silly , frivolous or indulgent condition to have . It 's no fun to live with and is certainly no joke to be laughed off . I hope that one day it will be seen as the crippling anxiety disorder that it is and treated with the respect it deserves . But until that day I refuse to be ridiculed for a condition that I have as little control over as my OCD , PTSD and Depression . I refuse to be made fun of and refuse to believe that my very real fear is trivial , petty and insignificant . It seems to me that society has a way of telling girls and women that the only way to really fit in and be a girl or woman is if you wear make - up . Every single film , tv show , magazine , book cover , etc , seems to show a picture of a female who has professionally done make - up , and lets not go down the photoshop road where we remove all spots and blemishes too . But , needless to say , staring everyone in the face is this idea that without make up , females just aren 't doing it right . This is how I felt growing up . I would watch as my eldest sister got ready to go to school and it would take her over an hour just to put make - up on . I 'd go to school without it and meet up with my friends who were all perfectly made - up and liked to spend time discussing the newest line that had been released at the weekend while I sat feeling a little confused and alone . I don 't remember when I first started wearing make - up . I don 't know what it was that made me walk into Superdrug and buy my first product . But I have now come to a point in my life where I am physically incapable of living without it . In fact , I actually did an experiment last month just to see if I could live without it and it was hard , I felt uncomfortable , and eventually I was incredibly glad the month was up . I ran back to my BB creame and plastered it on my face with an odd sense of glee . This was a revealing moment for me . As I grew up without a clue , it 's odd to realise that I now struggle without make - up . Essentially the only make - up I use is foundation . Occasionally I might branch out to some mascara and a bit of blusher but that 's as far as I go . Mostly because I wouldn 't even know where to start when it comes to the rest of the make up range . But what I discovered about make - up and me is that I find that wearing foundation is similar to wearing clothes . When I walk out of the house without make - up , I feel naked . It doesn 't matter that usually by the end of the day my foundation has washed off anyway , the fact that to start the day I was free of it , left me feeling so uncomfortable . It felt like everyone was looking at me . Like they were looking at all my ugly freckles , at my face blemishes , at the ugly spots and the moments when my cheeks would heat up , and they were judging me . ( They weren 't , but that 's what it felt like to me ) . It 's a bit like when you get home and realise you have something stuck between your teeth and you realise no body told you about it . To me , not wearing make - up and having no one say anything felt like they were just being too polite . So while it took me a while to first put make - up on , and while I don 't think it 's something that women have to wear , I thought it was interesting to discover that I have now become someone unable to go make - up free . To me , make - up is as essential as wearing clothes . Without it I feel naked , on show , and looked at . Make - up lets me blend in and I 'm able to sit in the background unnoticed . Because with society making it seem normal to wear make - up , not wearing it can definitely make it seem like you 've got a spotlight on you . ( But you don 't , you really don 't ) . So what I want to end this post with is to say that while I am unable to leave the house without make - up on , in some ways I wish I never started wearing it . Because I shouldn 't have to . I shouldn 't feel this uncomfortable about not wearing make - up . If you 're someone who doesn 't wear make - up , good on you . If you 're someone who does , good on you too . I guess what I 'm trying to say is ; ignore society . Whether you wear it or not , do it because YOU want to . Do what makes you comfortable . Because at the end of the day , that 's the most important thing in life , right ? I love music . I love to put it on loud and dance around my flat whilst singing along ( badly but enthusiastically ) . I probably annoy my neighbours when I do that but I can 't make myself stop . There are a lot of songs that have memories wrapped around . Songs that make me smile and laugh . Ones that make the bad days better . And ones I probably shouldn 't love but I just do . And I tend to find a lot of meaning in song lyrics . I 'd struggle to tell you my favourite band or genre because I have ecclectic tastes . I have a special place in my heart for musicals and have a lot of soundtracks in my collection and at the moment I 'm on a big Adele kick . But other than that pretty much anything goes . In this day and age vaginas are everywhere . It 's easier than ever to access porn thanks to the internet . Whether they 're in a picture , gif or video , vaginas can be found all over the place . But as a teenager , no matter how many different vaginas I saw , they all looked exactly the same and nothing like my own . Was something wrong with me ? Many years later it turns out that the answer is no . Labia minora ( inner lips ) and labia majora ( outer lips ) are a completely normal part of the vagina and I wish this was something that I knew earlier in life so I didn 't have to feel so self - conscious about it . The main reason for the increasing popularity of labiaplasties seems to be because teenage girls and young women don 't know what " normal " looks like . Talking about sex is becoming less taboo but it seems that talking about our vaginas is still off topic . Instead girls are relying on porn and text books ( seriously sex ed ? ) to see images of other vaginas which are far from reliable sources . Sadly another factor that comes into it is boys . Because teenage boys are also not given any sort of education on what women 's genitalia actually looks like they 're also seeing their first vaginas in porn . I 've heard of girl 's with completely normal looking labia being referred to as having " hanging ham " or " beef curtains " by their sexual partners . If this has ever happened to you take comfort in knowing that this is down to sheer ignorance on your partner 's behalf . Oh and also ? They 're an asshole . For the record , all vaginas look completely different . The labia minora can be tucked in or stick out , it can be darker or lighter than the rest of the vulva , they can be straight or wavy , thin or thick , wrinkled or smooth , and like boobs one can also be bigger than the other . In length labia can be anything from 0 - 4 inches long . I 'd really recommend getting a hand mirror and taking a look down there . Find out what is normal for you . I promise that whatever you 're looking at is a completely healthy and ordinary vagina . I wanted to speak up today because it seems like , once again , society has far too much to say about our bodies . The vagina is just another body part that 's being used to make us women feel inferior . Your vagina doesn 't belong to society or to your partner , it belongs to you . By talking about what looks normal for us we 're raising awareness and busting harmful stereotypes on what a " pretty vagina " should look like . Just Pull Yourself Together ! " At least it 's not cancer . " " So many people have it worse than you . " " Just pull yourself together ; we all have to deal with stuff have suicidal thoughts , people just think I 'm being over - dramatic and selfish ? Go figure . Some people argue that mental health is easier to go through normal bodily reaction to it you did not just have " OMG A PANIC ATTACK . " Sigh . Can you tell it makes me a bit annoyed ? ! I just wish I could live in a world where it wasn 't a Because , boy , did I lose . And I don 't just mean my mum . I lost my plans to move closer to London with my best friend , my freedom , financial freedom , ability to try for the career I want and being guilt - free when I do something for myself . It didn 't take long before I was in a really , really bad place . I was unhappy , lonely , comfort eating to a ridiculous degree ( an ongoing battle in my life ! ) and I felt trapped and stuck . It was bleeding into every aspect of my days . I pushed people away , desperate to convince them that I was fine , that I could handle everything I had taken on . I couldn 't . There were people in my life that stepped back and left me to deal with everything when I needed that support , but there were also others that I couldn 't get rid of - neither was what I needed , but did I say so ? Of course not . But everything seemed to come down to my job . That was where is spent 9 hours a day , the thing that ruled my life and stopped me from being able to do the things I needed to do . So I left . It changed everything for me . I went on holiday several times , spent time with my sister and my friends , went to book events and became a part of the UKYA community again . When I think of the possibility of not taking that terrifying step I shudder . I don 't know what would have happened , but it probably would have ended with me in hospital . I needed that time to settle myself again . To re - learn how to be a big sister ( and a sort of mum , I guess ) . I needed to come to terms with what I 'd lost , but also with the things I 've gained . I have no doubts about who and what I want in my life now . I 'm a virgin by choice , but it 's not something I really like talking about . I 'm not ashamed of being a virgin - as I said , I choose to be - but I 'm tired of the shock on people 's faces when I say so , their exclamations of , " Why ? ! " , the disbelief in their voice . Immediately after the shock , I can tell from their faces , without me having said another word yet , their judgemental thoughts . We live in a society where being a virgin past your late teens is unacceptable . If you 're not having sex as a teenager , you 're weird . You 're also " frigid " . That , or no - one wants you , because you 're so ugly . Or you 're a lesbian * . Maybe an ugly lesbian . There is so much pressure to lose your virginity at a young age - not necessarily because you want to , but because you don 't want do deal with all the crap from others , you don 't want to be that girl . Nor do you want to be the last virgin in a group of experienced friends . It 's also some kind of stamp of approval : I have had sex , so I 'm wanted , ergo I am attractive . Also , no teenage boy * * is going to stick around if you don 't " put out " . A lot of girls will have sex not for their own pleasure , but to please their sexual partner . I remember my best mate telling me he was on the bus once when he overheard two young teenage girls talking . One said to the other , " He 'll like me if I give him a blow job . " Does that not make you feel so unbelievably sad ? Not only should you not be a virgin , but you should also have a certain level of sexual experience . It almost seems like guys feel it 's a given that you would be happy to perform certain sexual acts , or have sex in certain positions . I think this is probably down to porn ; these acts , these positions are just what 's done . Is there really any conversation any more between sexual partners - at any age - about what they 're both comfortable and happy with , and what they 're not ? Back to me . I am a virgin because , for me , sex has to mean something . As a teenager , I wasn 't as interested in boys as my friends were ; I fancied boys , but I didn 't want to kiss them , let alone anything else . It just wasn 't what I wanted , what I was ready for . And I wasn 't going to be dictated to , and forced into having sex with someone when I didn 't want to , because it was uncool to be a virgin . I feel the same way now ; I will not have sex if I 'm not ready for it . As things stand now , I wouldn 't say I 'm not ready to have sex in general , but as sex must mean something to me , there has to be that relationship there ; there needs to be trust , and while I don 't think I necessarily have to be in love with the guy , there has to be feelings involved , from both of us . I am not in a relationship , and so I 've not had sex . Perhaps if I had been a number of years ago , I would no longer be a virgin . I have no problem with other people having casual sex , but that 's just not for me . The idea of a meaningless one night stand is a massive turn off . There is nothing about the idea that appeals to me . I did flirt with the idea of casual sex once . As a child , I was brought up being told that sex is something that happens between two people when they love each other . I know this isn 't the case now for everyone , but it 's an idea that stuck with me . I wondered if how I felt about sex was down to how I 'd been brought up . Does it have to mean something because that 's what I actually want , or does it have to mean something because I 'm a " good " girl , and that 's what I was brought up to believe ? So when a really hot guy made it pretty clear all he was interested in was sex , I did think about it . Did I want to have sex with him ? He definitely turned me on , and I enjoyed thinking about it . . . but in the end , the thought of actually having sex with him , when we meant nothing to each other , just left me feeling cold . So this isn 't down to how I was brought up , but what I actually feel . And so far , it 's not been much of a problem . I 've had two sexual experiences . One wasn 't so great ; the guy tried to lead us in a certain direction , and when I stopped him , he responded with , " I didn 't think so . " And although he acted like it wasn 't a problem , he continued to try several times more , and I kept having to stop him . He was a bit of a dick , and was quite selfish , to the point where I wasn 't being turned on by what he was doing , and I seriously worried I was one of those people who wouldn 't enjoy sex . The second time was a million times better . The guy didn 't have any problems whatsoever with me being a virgin . He was perfectly happy to go at my pace , and would check I was happy with and enjoying what was happening , and ask if he could do this or do that . He stopped when I asked him to , and didn 't go further than I wanted . He was ok with me not being ready to for certain things . He never rushed me , or pressured me , or expected anything more than what I was comfortable with . He was patient and unselfish . He made it all about me and my enjoyment . And it was amazing . I do sometimes worry that I 'm too old to still be a virgin , that no guy my own age would be willing to wait for me when he could quite easily get his leg over with someone else , whether in or out of a relationship . But I won 't be made to feel I must have sex with a future boyfriend in order to get him to stay . Because of my second sexual experience , I already know it 's not a problem for some . And so do you . Your body - and your virginity - belongs to you . Everyone 's experiences will be different , there 's no right or wrong , it 's about what you 're comfortable with . We don 't have to do anything we don 't want to . We should not feel pressured into anything . And there 's nothing wrong with exercising your right to say , " No . " * I 'm sure we all know that being a lesbian is not a bad thing . These are all the cruel things I heard shouted out in the school playground from immature teenagers , mainly boys . This isn 't what I think . * * I 'm not trying to be heteronormative . This post is based on my personal experience and that of those I knew when I was a teen . Here at Safe Space we understand that it 's hard as f * * k being a girl . Periods , sexism and trying to put on eyeliner can be all in a days work . Safe Space is a place where a group of women bring you posts about trying to hold their shit together . Talking honestly about mental health , feminism , sexuality and other important life stuff . No judgment , no hate , because it 's already tough enough being a girl . Ah , Damage . How could a book be so difficult to write ? To be honest most ideas are pretty hard to get out on paper , but thi . . . Hello All ! We have a bit of a different post here on Safe Space today . We 're throwing all the toys out the pram - so to speak - as . . . I 've already had five and a half years with my chronic illness . I 've gotten used to it disturbing my life and disrupting my plans . It se . . .
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Oh Holy Hormones ! ! ! I had a doctors appointment today . It was my 36 week check up . I had to fight rage and tears the entire time I was there . Why , you ask ? I have NO IDEA ! I had absolutely no reason to be upset at all . Nada . Yet there I was , stumbling over my words , fighting back tears , feeling extremely foolish , which only made the tear fight even harder . My sweet doctor smiled and spoke gently , then I slipped up . I accidentally said tootie . TOOTIE ! I am sure my face was beet red . I apologized for using such technical terms and he laughed it off . He is so patient and kind . He made me feel much better and by the time I left I was actually happy . I asked his nurse to mention to him that I have been contracting and am miserable and to please check my cervix . I have to know that it is making a difference to make it more bearable . He did . I am currently dilated 2 Cm 's . Not much , but I 'll take it . I reminded him about a possible induction and that the 12th of June is on a Saturday . That is when I will be 39 weeks . I expressed how important it is to me that he be the guy to deliver and he said sure , we 'll just bump it up to the 10th . He said as of now my cervix is definitely inducible , he just wants to let him grow and his lungs mature more . Not at all a problem . It is just SO nice to have a definite end if I don 't go into labor before then . He did reduce my hours at work TO EIGHT HOUR DAYS INSTEAD OF SIXTEEN . i WAS A LITTLE WORRIED ABOUT HOW MY SUPERVISOR WOULD REACT TO THAT SINCE WE ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF A BIG MOVE . He WAS ACTUALLY GREAT ABOUT IT . aLSO , THIS COMING WEEKEND WILL BE MY LAST ONE BEFORE i HAVE Bronson . i DIDN ' T WANT Fernando TO HAVE TO BE HOME THE WEEKEND , THEN HAVE TO COME HOME EARLY FOR THE INDUCTION AND END UP MISSING AN ENTIRE WEEK OF WORK . SO THAT WAY I 'll HAVE TIME TO REST AND HE CAN GET SOME RUNS IN BEFORE d - Day . i GUESS THAT ABOUT SUMS IT UP ! hOPEFULLY i CAN KEEP MY EMOTIONS UNDER CONTROL UNTIL 6 / 10 / 10 . oNE POSITIVE TO ME BEING AN EMOTIONAL MESS , THE GIRLS HAVE BEEN GREAT . tALISE ESPECIALLY , she Posted by Mylie is acting less and less like a baby . She wants to do for herself and won 't take no for an answer . She amazes me at what she can already do and knows . I guess it 's because she has Talise to look up to . She seems to know so much more than Talise did at that age . Of course , with Talise being my oldest she was treated quite differently . I overlooked a lot of things I shouldn 't have because I thought she didn 't know any better because she was a baby . I also didn 't try to teach her to pick up after herself or go get her own things for the same reason . Mylie is on the ball though . She will go get her own night clothes after her bath and put them on herself . She brushes her own teeth and does rather well . She will go open the refrigerator and get her own juice or water bottle and she can pick out her own snack . It may seem silly , but it amazes me . She acts so big ! It saddens me at the same time . She 's growing up and won 't need me for much longer . This weekend I got to take a peek at Bronson again . Oh . MY . Goodness . Is he cute ! The tech got a wonderful shot of his face and we just sat and watched him for a good 10 minutes . He was sticking out his tongue , sucking on his hand , smacking and just doing cute baby things . He appears to have chubby little cheeks and full lips like his daddy . I really hope he looks like my husband . He was such a cute baby , and quite a handsome man if you ask me ! Seeing his sweet little face made my discomfort all worth it . I can 't wait to snuggle up to him and kiss those chubby cheeks . Now that I am all weepy I must stop so I can go blow my nose . Sniff , sniff . Mylie had her first ever play date at our house yesterday . She had a blast . It took a little getting used to sharing her toys , but after about thirty minutes or so she was fine . They played inside for a while then Talise suggested they go outside to play . They ran around chasing the cat , jumped on the trampoline , played ball , and took turns riding with Talise on her scooter . They ate many snacks , drank juice and had Popsicles . When it was over everyone involved was exhausted . The girls played so well together . It was a great day . Friday was my last day of bed rest . after a week of worry I decided that I was gonna walk ! I went to Wal Mart , came home and baked , washed dishes and did laundry . I felt wonderful the entire time . Not one contraction . NADA ! So , I went to work this weekend . We were slammed . I think it was the busiest it 's been since I 've been there . I took the stairs as often as possible and walked a lot . By Sunday I was achy , but no contractions ! Last night I was up 4 times between 11 : 00 p . m . and 6 : 15 a . m . to go potty . I think he has dropped . I wore loose socks to work and my legs were swollen over the tops of them . Today has been no fun . WORE OUT ! I have been struggling to not waddle . I am exhausted and sore , and now am all crampy . I go to the doctor in the morning . I bet he 'll tell me Bronson is still floating . I think I ticked the little guy off not letting him out when he wanted to come . He 'll probably camp out in me forever ! Up until this weekend I have not been tired of being pregnant . Now I not quite as thrilled about it . If I wasn 't so nervous about having a toddler and a newborn I be guzzling Castor Oil ! Looking at these pictures still blows my mind . I cannot believe I am carrying a boy . He got some super cute things yesterday at the baby shower my dear Mommy and Me friends threw for me . The food was delicious , sorry I forgot to take a picture of it . The company was great . Everyone was so sweet , and for just three other people Bronson racked up . Since being on bed rest I am more exhausted than ever ! Besides all the extra water I have to drink , which is causing about four times as many bathroom breaks as usual , I think the stress is keeping me up . I know to hand it over to God , HE has never let me down . I , however , have a very hard time doing that . Last night I got up every hour and a half to pee , and then I would lay in bed and count contractions , and worry . I keep dreaming different scenarios where my water breaks . I have to pack up my toiletries , put in something for me to wear home , grab Mylie 's diapers and a bottle and decide can I drive myself or call someone . Who to call ? One friend has kids asleep , the other may be at work , if I am not hurting could I make it to the hospital ? Would contractions pick up and Talise end up having to deliver her brother ? She could do it . She does really well with emergencies . Do I want her to ? Heck no ! Finally , I 'd drift back off to sleep , only to wake up to go pee again and start the process all over . Is it helpful ? NOPE ! Total waste of time and sleep as I am worn out right now . I still have at least three hours before nap time ! I have read through my pregnancy guide a ton of times . I have referred to Dr . Google too . I have actually felt a bit better after reading up about it online . I feel extremely foolish as this is my third pregnancy , but it 's the first time I 've dealt with preterm labor . The girls have grown quite grumpy with me . Talise is helping , but is starting to grumble about it . They are taking advantage of the fact that I am not supposed to chase after them , little stinkers . Talise is worried too though . I can tell . She asks lots of questions about what if I had Bronson now ? Could he breathe ? Could he eat ? Could we take him home ? Would he live ? I try to assure her everything will be fine . I thank her often for her help , even when she is quite grumpy about it . So between the constant trips to the potty , worrying , the girls bickering and Talise grumbling , I am beat ! Since moving out here to the middle of nowhere I have often felt alone . The one close friend I had kinda lost her way and we are no longer speaking and I don 't have anyone besides my husband that I feel truly close to . I decided to try a church , While there I was made aware of Mommy and Me . I started going . It was a big step for me as I am reserved by nature . The ladies were great , They were warm and welcoming . I enjoy attending when I am able to . I still don 't feel especially close to them , but feel like with time I could be , Since all this going on with Bronson people have come out of the woodwork . I think that is the saying . Co - workers or people that I thought were merely co - workers have offered help . People that I thought were old friends that I was no longer true friends with have come out to offer help . When I was in labor and delivery , scared for my baby , alone , my husband had to try to find a ride to get to me . My friends husband , whom he had never met , offered a ride without hesitation . I am amazed by it all . So many have offered up their assistance . Just this evening a couple of wonderful ladies from Mommy and Me took the time to prepare dinner and dessert and brought it over . Plus they brought flowers ! How thoughtful is that ? Turns out I am not so alone after all . Several sweet people surround me and my family . God has been showing his love for my family through these amazing people . We are so blessed . I love all my friends . I appreciate just knowing that they care , that me and my family matter to them . I am amazed . Last weekend was uncomfortable to say the least , so I mentioned it to my doctor at my check - up last Wednesday . He wasn 't concerned as I was ok then . Thursday I cleaned house , really , really cleaned . Nesting I think . I started cramping and feeling pukey and had to take a break a few times . When I took a break I 'd either eat a pear or drink something . I felt better . Friday i went to run some more getting ready for Bronson errands and decided to get Mylie a toddler bed . It was probably heavier than I should be lifting , bu it 's only me so what could I do . I know I could wait , but that is NOT me ! While I was checking out I started feeling hot and really nauseated . When I got home I layed down for a while and felt better . Later that night I started cramping a lot . I thought nothing of it since my doctor wasn 't concerned before . I did get quite grumpy and had a horrible time trying to sleep though . When I got to work the next morning I felt ok . Then I started eating breakfast . Not the best idea . I put it to the side and went about my business . I had to go do some portables . While pushing the machine things started going downhill . I felt very queesy . Then I got light headed , I had to squat against the wall for a while . When I got back to the department I sat down for a bit and was cramping a lot . They hurt . Then I had to throw up . Still cramping only worse . I called up to labor and delivery and they told me to come up to be checked out . I really thought I was over reacting . Unfortunately , I wasn 't . They gave me a shot of terbutaline . Nothing , In fact my cervix changed . Second shot . Whoa ! I felt like I was going to pass out . I got instantly hot , sweating like mad . The room was spinning and everything sounded far away . They said it was from the medicine . Eventually it faded . Still having contractions so I got a third shot . An hour later I am still having contractions but no change in my cervix . They gave me procardia . Didn 't help , still having contractions . Four hours later , a stronger dose of it . It helped . I had to stay Posted by Bronson could be here in as little as 2 weeks , or as long as 5 weeks . FIVE WEEKS is NOT a long time ! I know it seems silly , but I am not ready for Mylie to not be the baby . She is such a sweet girl . Even when she asserts her independence she is soft about it . I just love her . I know that won 't change , I just hope I am not worn too thin . I bought her big girl bed today . She picked it out and is very excited about it . When her daddy gets home I am going to get him to put it together for me . I am debating on throwing out her diapers too . I don 't want too much for her at once . She uses the potty whenever she wants to . She 's even pooped in the potty . I just don 't want her to go from my baby to no boobs , no co - sleeping , no diapers and new baby all on top of each other . The idea of a boy is odd to me too . I haven 't ever been overly fond of boys . It 's not that I don 't like them . I just don 't relate to them . Honestly , I don 't want a little wimpy , pansy boy . Fernando isn 't much into sports , although he does know about soccer . Not that sports make a man . Fernando is definitely a man , a darn good man . I just have a very low tolerance for a whiny little guy . My girls are pretty tough . I have always been told that boys love their mommas and that mom 's have a special place in their hearts for boys , so how would I keep him from being whiny ? I ADORE my girls . There is no way I could love them any more . I am a lunatic mom . I am crazy protective and on top of things . I know I will be the same way with my son , and if not isn 't that doing him an injustice ? Wouldn 't me being harder on him be unfair ? It 's bad enough the poor little guy has me , Talise , and Mylie to deal with . Right now Mylie is the lowest on the totem pole . I am sure she will take to bossing him around like Talise does her . She will finally be bigger , at least for a while . Everything will be fine . I know it will . I am sure mom 's that have boys then all of a sudden have a girl on the way feel the same way . I guess it 's the unknown that gets to me . I know I can 't wait to Posted by I had my 33 week appointment today . It went well . I gained two pounds . Not bad . The doctor took a couple minutes to find Bronson 's heart beat , but I wasn 't worried because he had just been wiggling up a storm . My blood pressure was great and everything measured right . He actually pulled out the measuring tape this time . He said the group b strep test will be either next visit or at 36 weeks . I go back in two weeks , then on to weekly appointments . I told him about this past weekend at work . He said as long as I am OK now not to worry . So I 'm not worrying . I brought them doughnuts . I felt like a celebrity . They really made a fuss over it . I know when I worked in a doctors office we always liked it when patients brought in food . It 's a nice treat . On a side note , I am feeling more prepared to meet this little guy . I am not rushing anything though . I am happy to wait it out for at least 5 more weeks . I do have the car seat ready , the bassinet cleaned , most of the supplies I need , and plenty of clothes for him . I still want a monitor , and a bouncy seat , but that 's it . I bought him a mobile , but I may take it back to get a bouncy seat instead . He is gonna be in a bassinet for as long as possible so by the time he is in a crib he may be too big for a mobile . I 'll discuss it with Fernando . My oldest child is quite inquisitive . If you want to call it that . She is into everything . She always has been . She wants to know why for everything . It is most often a good thing because she is very smart . It can also cause problems though . Today is a problem day . I am camped out on the couch due to some cramping I am having so she took that as an invitation to snoop . She went through my jewelry cabinet . I keep things in there that are important . Among those things are her baby teeth . She came into the living room carrying a little plastic tooth with her two incisors in it . She kept pestering me about why I had teeth , whose they were , why did they look like hers . So I gave up . I told her I was the tooth fairy . Then she got mad . She wanted to know if her dad knew that I was tricking her . I tried to explain that we did it to add to the magic of child hood . She got more angry , started stomping around and yelling . I sent her to her room . I explained the importance of minding one 's own business and not looking through other people things . She is just mad . I really hate it . What else could I do . She is 9 1 / 2 after all . Tired is not a strong enough word . I really don 't even think exhausted is . I am barely functional . Work was busy this weekend . really busy . I started off fine . then the braxton hicks started . that 's fine i am used to it at work . i am on my feet a lot . after a couple more hours my lower back started aching , a pulsing ache . then menstrual type cramping . at this point i started to worry . i just kept drinking fluids and tried to sit as often as possible . sitting didn 't help . at all . in fact , i started getting a shooting pain in my cervix . the kind of pain that peaks , contraction type pain . i started to really worry . the shooting pains kept coming on more frequently . the more patients i went after the worse they were . it got to the point I 'd have to stop walking and breathe through them . i called upstairs and spoke to a labor and delivery nurse . i was advised to take tylenol and lay down . sure , i still had an hour to work . i did take the tylenol and sit . the contraction type cramping kept on coming . i left work and got in a warm shower , just in case . the shower did not ease the cramps . I went straight to bed and layed on my left side . after a couple of hours i fell asleep . When i woke up Sunday morning i felt some pressure but that is it . i went to work and within a couple of hours it all came back . Sunday wasn 't as busy so it didn 't get too bad , thank goodness . today i have been wore out . i called Dr . B 's nurse and she told me to definitely mention it to the Dr . on Wednesday when i go in . she said i may have to cut back my hours at work . i really don 't want to have to do that , especially if it cuts into my fmla . i want to stay out with Bronson as long as possible . hopefully it won 't come to that . when i did go out this after noon the cramping came back again though . i guess I 'll have to wait and see .
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May 13 , 2017 By cookingandbaby Sorry for the lack of updates ! I 've been pretty hooked on Persona 5 , so all of my free time has been spent playing it . Plus I was working on a stressful project for a couple of weeks there , and now I 've got a cold so I haven 't had too much inspiration to write . I 'm under the effect of some medicine that makes me pretty sleepy as I type this , so hopefully it 's not too incoherent ! There 's so many exciting and happy firsts with your baby . Unfortunately , there 's sad ones too , like baby 's first fever and ear infection . I guess we should count ourselves lucky that it didn 't happen until now though . It happened at a pretty bad time too , with hubby getting really sick , and then I got really sick too . I 'm not sure when the ear infection happened either . It seems likely that she may have had a small one and it got worse when she had a fever since she started a nursing strike 1 - 2 weeks before her fever . When her fever first started it was on a Wednesday , which is the day her usual pediatrician is closed . There was another clinic open near the daycare though , so I took her there . I wasn 't too impressed with this clinic . The receptionists weren 't as friendly as the people who work at our regular pediatrician , although the doctor himself was quite kind and spoke slowly to make sure I understood all of the medical terms ( as opposed to her regular pediatrician who always speaks quite fast to me ) . The waiting room also wasn 't as big , so Baby J wasn 't quite as entertained there while we waited to see the doctor . Even though it 's kinda closer than her usual clinic , I doubt we 'll be going back there again unless we have to . The next day her fever broke but came back again and lasted all weekend . I wish I had realized that that Saturday was a national holiday though , or else I would 've taken her to her regular pediatrician on Friday to get checked out . She had a loss of appetite , but thankfully was starting to get it back by Monday . However , the fever was continuing so I wound up taking her to get checked by her regular pediatrician . The doctor checked her over , and then told us we should go see an ENT . I asked for a recommendation and then headed over to the doctor 's recommended clinic . Going with the recommended ENT was not necessarily the right choice though . It was the next station over from where the pediatrician is and the worst part is that it was on the second floor with no elevator ! So here I was , a mom by herself with her toddler in a stroller . Luckily some kind old man helped me carry the stroller up the stairs . Phew . However , Baby J was still eating her lunch at the time and I wound up having a hectic time following her around and cleaning up peanut butter everywhere she went as I tried to fill out the clinic 's forms . Talk about hectic ! We finally saw the doctor , and he told me she has an ear infection . I have to wonder if it developed over the weekend when she was lethargic or if the first pediatrician had missed it completely ? Anyway , we got a prescription for antibiotics and such . Unfortunately , it all came in powder form . So we wound up having to employ the following : You squirt the jelly out onto a spoon and then mix the powder into it . Apparently it 's apple flavored . According to hubby it tastes gross but Baby J didn 't seem to mind . I had to make sure to give it to her before or during each meal though because she 'd be too full for it after . Though eventually I just started mixing the powder into yogurt and giving her yogurt every meal instead . The jelly was useful though ! So , this was the Monday before Golden Week , which is when most people in the country has vacation time . Except hubby , unfortunately . He had his spring break a month earlier ( which I meant to post about but was busy with my return to work and haven 't had a chance to write about … ) . Also unfortunately , this meant that daycare was closed and my body decided it was the perfect time to come down with a cold . It was not an easy week for us at all ! She started waking up at night again and I wasn 't getting the much needed rest I needed for my cold at all . I was super burnt out by the time the weekend came . Thankfully though , her fever went away and she started feeling much better . Through the course of all of this , she 's also regained her interest in nursing , so that 's a relief , especially since it helped to make sure she stayed hydrated during the worst parts of her fever . I really have to wonder if she had an ear infection for a few weeks prior though , which caused the nursing strike , and the first doctor missed that she had an ear infection . She 's back to her normal happy self now though and had a good week at daycare . And although she keeps waking up an hour or two after she goes to bed to nurse , she 's been sleeping until 7 : 30 - 8 am without any extra wake ups . Also , for a little while she had gone back to two naps , but I think she 's back to one nap again now that she 's feeling better . When we went back for a followup appointment last Saturday with the ENT , he said that the ear infection was half - gone . We have another appointment today , so with any luck it 's all gone now . I 'm a bit afraid it 's not though because she 's had a terrible runny nose the past couple of days . But maybe that 's just something new she picked up back at daycare . On a lighter note , I found out that she gained a whole pound the month since she started daycare ! She loves to eat there with all the other kids . I think that makes her 17 . 4 pounds now , which means that she 's finally hit the 10th percentile exactly for weight ! It 'll be funny to see if they keep " fattening " her up in the coming months . April 12 , 2017 By cookingandbaby There 's still a few chilly and rainy days here and there , but in general the warmer weather is finally here and the cherry blossoms have finally bloomed . April marks the beginning of the new school year as well as the time when new hires start at their new jobs . Last week marked Baby J 's first full week at daycare , and this week is my official return to work . I 've been working on small projects here and there the past six months , but from this month forward I 'll be available again for taking on big translation projects again . Happily , I 'm starting out strong . I 've already doubled the minimum amount of money I was hoping to make this month while I build up my freelance clients again , and I 've already got some more work lined up for the month . I 'm grateful that I 've been getting a steady amount of flexible work from this one agency over the past six months , so I hope this trend will continue in the following months as well . Baby J has been doing great at daycare . She 's now very impatient to go in the mornings , although she still cries when I leave and when she sees me there to pick her up . Or at least , she has been . This morning was the first time she hasn 't cried ! I wonder how she will be at pickup , or if she cried after I left . In addition to getting used to drop off and pickup , she eats all of her food and snacks ; in fact , I feel like her appetite and how much she eats has only increased since she started going . Also , her naps at daycare have been gradually lengthening from 45 minutes to an hour and a half . They even said that she doesn 't need her pacifier and bear for her naps anymore ! Hopefully she 'll be able to take 2 - 2 . 5 hour naps there soon . Speaking of naps , she 's definitely dropped her morning nap and is now down to one nap a day . It 's been a bit of an adjustment though , since she 's needed some quiet downtime in her crib even though she doesn 't sleep . It 's been a bit of an adjustment for us as well since we 're used to her only being up for 2 hours in the morning , and now suddenly she 's up for 4 hours or so ! Good thing I 've rediscovered my love for milk tea . In addition to this nap transition , she 's been gaining a lot of new skills recently . I don 't know if it 's something she 's just started doing on her own , or if she 's learning by watching the other kids at daycare . Now she pushes cars , is close to figuring out how her puzzle toys work , and according to hubby she can now stack the stacking rings toy ( whereas up until now she was more interested in eating the rings ) . She 's also started to drag things with her . This morning she even helped put her shoes on by pressing down the velcro part for me . In general , I 've found that following her daycare schedule has been working out for us : Lunch at 11 / 11 : 30 depending on how late breakfast was , nap at noon , snack at 3 , dinner at 6 , bedtime around 8 . She 's been consistently waking up at 7 : 30 - 8 : 30 now , though I 've noticed that she sleeps in until 9 on the occasional night when she wakes up in the middle of the night . Like I mentioned before , it 's been a bit of an adjustment having her up for more hours in the day , but it offers more flexibility on what we can do in the afternoon . Before we never had much time to do much because as soon as she was fed , dressed , and ready to go we 'd only have an hour or so until her second nap . While I don 't quite know what 's up with the one year checkup ( I think it might be the " cattle call " kind where they all have to go to the ward office to get checked ? ) , she did have to have an individual checkup for our application to daycare . Baby J is now 28 . 1 inches and weighs 16 pounds and 7 ounces . She 's still our little peanut , but it 's been amazing being her guide and watching her grow and learn every day . April 6 , 2017 By cookingandbaby The Sailor Moon x GU merchandise went on sale on March 24th , which was a Friday . Considering how Sailor Moon teams up with luxury department store brand Isetan every year , I was pretty surprised when they originally announced this collaboration . Finally , some cheap Sailor Moon merchandise ! I didn 't realize just how many other people would be thinking the same thing though . GU is kind of similar to Old Navy in terms of prices and in that it has a sister brand that 's a bit more pricier ( Uniqlo ) . I 've never actually shopped at GU since I never actually saw one to go shopping at anyway until one was built in the Ebina Lalaport , but the image I 've had of it as a brand over the years has not been very good due to how I 've heard people talk about it . As a result , I mistakenly thought that not many people would go for the Sailor Moon products when they came out . Boy was I wrong ! I was originally planning to go to GU on Saturday so that I could go shopping without the baby . During lunch though , I was browsing Twitter and I saw how crazy the lines were for getting into GU in Ginza and I found out that the items were already selling out online . Since I didn 't get anything from the Isetan collaboration for my birthday this year , I definitely didn 't want to miss out on the GU one since it was so cheap . So , I wound up taking the baby with me to go shopping . She did fine , thankfully . I gave her one of the bag charms to hold and that amused her for a bit , and so did a couple of books I brought with us . Wish I had realized that I had taken such a blurry photo … Since the GU store in Ebina is considered one of their big stores I was hoping they would have the large cardboard displays like I 've seen in pictures of the Ginza store . I was a bit disappointed in their display though , as seen above . Their inventory for two right - most shirts on the bottom row were completely gone by the time I had checked out . This was the first time I actually felt like I 've ever witnessed the phrase " flying off the shelves " in action . It 's a good thing I had gone shopping the day they went on sale because when I went shopping in Ebina on Saturday they had already taken down the Sailor Moon displays and only had a few Artemis bags and some bag accessories left . I think I got all 11 things for around 10 , 000 yen ? Not bad ! It turns out though that they somehow found more stock for the jeans by the time I came back from Akachan Honpo . I had asked a store clerk about them when I was originally shopping , and she flagged me down when she saw me walking by again to tell me they got the jeans back in . I really appreciated that she took the time to call out to me . I guess standing out helps sometimes in cases where it makes shop staff remember you easier . Unfortunately the few sizes they found of the jeans didn 't fit , so I didn 't buy them . March 30 , 2017 By cookingandbaby Close behind Baby J 's , my birthday was last Thursday . That time last year I was still in the hospital , desperately trying to learn how to breastfeed my newborn baby . It was the toughest week of my life . No wonder I don 't actually remember having turned 27 , and went this whole past year thinking I was still 26 ! And now suddenly I 'm 28 . It 's still kind of hard to believe . Not that I feel all too different . Hubby took the day off , and thanks to him I had a great day ! One of things I 've always wanted to do was get my nails done in a Japanese salon . It 's pretty pricey though , so I never did it . As a result this is not usually the first things to pop into my mind when I think about treating myself . But as I was reading Tokyo Tarareba Girls I was reminded of how it 's something that I 've always wanted to do ( one of the characters owns her own nail salon ) . As it was my first time going to a salon by myself ( maybe the second or third time in my whole life that I 've actually gone to one ? ) , I wasn 't sure which option I should get and I decided to get the package that let me choose from one of their predesigned nails . I hate going to new places , so I was actually pretty nervous to go . Of course there wasn 't much of a need for me to be nervous . The atmosphere of the salon was relaxing , and the lady who did my nails was quite nice . I found myself torn between two different designs , but I wanted something with flowers , so I decided to go with these : After I got them done , hubby brought Baby J and we went out for steak for dinner . Baby J had her first real kids meal ! We even got to choose out a toy for her too . We wound up picking out a little wind - up car for her . She ate quite a bit and I think she had fun with the experience . We picked up an ice cream cake from Baskin Robbins for dessert . It was late and I didn 't particularly want Baby J having sugar at night , so she unfortunately missed out on this festivity . It was Oreo and chocolate flavored . Yum ! After that , we concluded the evening by watching Doctor Strange , and we really enjoyed it . In addition to all this , I did some shopping over the weekend . Last summer I did my best to avoid buying clothes in hope that I would somehow shrink down to my pre - baby size by now . Unfortunately , I 've been stuck at the same weight for the past three months and I 'm not sure when we 'll wean , so I 've accepted that I need to buy some larger clothes . That 'll be for a different post though ! On March 20th , Baby J turned 1 ! I 've been meaning to post an update on her new abilities and such , so maybe I 'll take the time now to mention them . Her preferred method of getting around has been walking for almost a couple of months now . She likes to clap her hands , point , and actively participate in playing peekaboo . She loves , loves , loves to read . She 's maturing in so many ways . Ever since she officially started walking , I feel like her personality has really started to shine . She won 't let me look too closely , but she has at least three teeth now . We even had a glorious couple of weeks where we finally slept through the night last month , but unfortunately we 're back to one wakeup a night . I 'll probably try night weaning her soon . On the day of , we Skyped with her grandparents and had a party with cake . I got the cake from a bakery called Flo Prestigate Paris . I 've frequently gotten delicious fruit tarts from them before , so I knew it had to be good . I think she really liked the cake . Though she was pretty interested in the green leaves on the strawberry we gave her . For some reason she likes green colored food ( which is completely opposite from me ! ) . After her party , she took a nice long nap . After she got up , we had some lunch and then we went to a place called Fantasy Kids Resort . Someone in a mom group I 'm part of recommended it to me , and I 'm so thankful she did ! Baby J had the time of her life there . First she had fun going down a slide with her daddy , followed by fun in a ball pit . Since it was our first time there , we mistakenly went into the big kids ' ball pit first . Later we found a corner for toddlers and they had a much calmer ball pit for her to play in . She also had a blast playing in the Fisher Price playhouses they had lined up in one corner . It 's been over a week now since Baby J had her half - day at daycare . It did not go very well , but that 's no surprise . My neighbor has watched her a couple of times , but that 's about the extent that she 's been away from her daddy and me . She cried the whole time and didn 't eat very much . No wonder they charge the same amount as a full day ! Since we got that half - day out of the way , that made us qualified to make reservations for they refer to as emergency daycare ( kinkyuu hoikuen ) . They take reservations for daycare spots for the following month on the fourth Monday of every month . There 's a lot of competition for it and I wasn 't sure if I had a chance at getting through the line . In fact , it took me calling over 150 times to get through ! Thank goodness the redial button is just a tap away now , but I really wish I had an app or something that would auto - redial . I was actually really surprised when I heard the phone ringing . When they picked up I asked how many days they had open still and it turns out that they only had 5 days with a spot available left for the whole month of March ! Wow ! Even though they were on days I wasn 't really I wonder if we got the very last spots for the month . They 're not the most ideal days , but some days throughout the whole month are better than none . I was glad we got those days for March . Honestly I didn 't think we had much of a chance to get in for part time daycare since there were ten people waiting in front of us . So , I thought that would be the end of the saga for now . Imagine my surprise though when I got a call from the daycare on March 1st telling me that they have space for us three times a week ! Maybe it 's because I said my days were flexible ? Starting in April , Baby J will be attending daycare on Mondays , Wednesdays , and Thursdays ! Since she wasn 't too happy her first time at daycare , they want to make her second time there a half day too . I 'm kind of afraid they 're going to make all five days this month a half day so she can get used to it slowly . It 's a good idea , but I had been looking forward to having whole days to focus on work stuff . Hopefully Baby J will adjust quickly and learn to have fun with her new friends though . Shoes since she can walk . Boots and sandals aren 't allowed , so I had to get her some real sneakers ! I also got her some new pairs of socks because most of hers have gotten too small . She has pretty tiny feet though , so I imagine these will last her awhile . Even the shoes were 1 . 5 cm bigger than her feet even though I got her the smallest size , though I know it 's good to give her room to grow ! Two towels for wiping her face with , and another towel with a string for wiping her hands with . They had a variety of characters to choose from . I almost got her some pretty Hello Kitty ones , but in the end I went with her favorite characters , Wan Wan and U - tan from the kids TV show Inai Inai Baa ! . Two bibs and a cup . I got her a couple of new ones because we can 't have too many bibs ! I was hoping they would have Inai Inai Baa ! ones , but my only options were Hello Kitty and Anpanman , unfortunately .
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I am currently in dial up hell . And while salvation is coming in the form of DSL sometime in the next 10 days , not sure if I 'll be around to experience it . May forever be stuck in hell . At least until I leave here . So , if I do not post , read , comment , you know why . Until Jan 1 . Be safe on New Year 's eve . Aunt Stinky ( my new designation by my nieces and nephew ) Sorry so many posts without photos , but I 'm writing in snatches between events . Too lazy to put in photos . My present to myself this year was to throw my back out . What fun ! I went for a run Christmas eve morning and came back , no prolem . But then something happened and I started feeling achy at the bottom of my spine . By afternoon I was spasming mucho - you know when you move a little bit the wrong way and a gasp of pain comes out of your mouth ? And you lay on the floor not quite the right way and can 't get yourself out of position because you 're already in too much pain so you 're saying ' fuck fuck fuck ' though your nieces are around ? Thankfully it 's much better tonight . It did get me out of a few chores ! We were / are anything but photoless in this family . Everyone is a camera bug , and everyone has a camera and takes photos . It 's funny the different styles . 2nd oldest brother HAS to pose everyone . Youngest brother has a twisty lens thingie so can do sneak attack photos and videos . Sister does mostly family shots . Other brother manages to take bad photos and bother everyone . 2nd youngest brother doesn 't take too many these days . Cousin / godmother does ' professional ' shots with her professional grade camera . Mother just poses these days . One thing we did this year that we haven 't done in a while is do a slide show . My dad was a big photo taker in his day , and there 's tons of slides . Not as many as before since there was a fire in my house when we were young and many got ruined ( I just learned tonight my dad was getting paint off the house using a blowtorch - that 's what started it . . . stupid man ! ) . But there are enough photos of my parents pre - kids , and with each set of kids ( first 2 boys , then 4 , then 4 and a girl , then 4 and two girls ) to make a brief slide show fun . We wanted to show the young kids too where everyone came from . My brother downloaded all the videos and photos onto his computer - I think 2 . 5 GB . : - ) MERRY CHRISTMAS ONE AND ALL ! Unless you are jewish , atheist , muslim , etc . etc . I have had an octopus painted on my face that had one tentacle going in one nostril and out the other . I have brought my nieces , nephew , and sister in law climbing . I have had my first alcohol in weeks and weeks ( from being sick ) and it 's goooood . I have given away the quilt and it has been appreciated . My brother who collects art even said offhandedly that he didn 't know he had a sister who was an artist . . . He didn 't think I heard him , but I did . . . That was the best . More good times to come . Hope you are enjoying ! Although I put up my Christmas card , I did want to write about my holiday tradition . As I mentioned somewhere , my background is Polish . 100 % as a matter of fact . Our Christmas tradition focuses on Christmas eve . This is the night the special meal is made and people wish each other well for the holiday . In my family , the tradition was always to have fish and pierogi on Christmas eve night . And the pierogi is homemade . Let me tell you there is nothing like home made pierogi . It 's not just the taste , it 's the process . It 's a time when almost everyone in the family comes together to help out to make the meal . My mom traditionally makes the filling ( both cabbage and potato , and if she 's feeling good to herself either prune or cherry too ) . The cabbage filling has to be made ' just so ' since my sister doesn 't like the big ' boolies ' inside ( thick part of the cabbage ) . And the pierogi has to be made the day of , and in batches . A glob of dough is made , and rolled out to the proper thickness ( pretty damn thin ) , and then rounds cut out of it . Extra dough is thrown into a bowl to be rolled out again and made into ' straighties ' ( like spaghetti , but with pierogi dough ) . And people sit at the table and take a circle of dough , throw a spoonful of stuffing in it , fold it over , and pinch the edges . Chatting all the way . And of course my oldest brother HAS to make a couple with weird shapes and / or a circleof dough filled with dough , just to be different . All get stored under a towel so they don 't dry out , and about half hour before the time to eat , the boiling starts . Potato ones just get boiled , but cabbage one , at least some of them , get fried also in a pan . AT the same time the fish is being cooked . Once everything is on the table , before anyone can sit down to eat , the oplatek ( sp ? ) comes out . It 's kind of like the texture of communion wafers , but pressed into 4x6 rectangles with holiday scenes on them , and blessed by a priest . Every person starts with a piece . And you go up to a person , wish them a merry christmas , and each person Posted by Size quilt that is . This was about as good a photo as I could get given the size . And I am currently soooo frustrated . The damn computer is not saving the rotation so I can 't make it go the way I want . So turn your head sideways to look at it . Blue is the sky . It looks better in person . Here 's a little bit of detail . The mountain . This is the only place I ended up using fabric paint . I 'm not sorry I did it , but it was a different experience than I expected . And here 's a close up of the border . It 's leaves . I must say , it really made a difference and pulled the quilt together . Not only because of the pattern , but also the color thread I found . I tested a whole bunch of different colors , but finally settled on a color close to gold . And finally , succumbing to peer pressure , here 's a photo of me . Again , I don 't know what 's happening with the rotation , so turn your head sideways . This was before I did the binding on the quilt ( my husband was going to bed and I needed the photo ) . My comments : You can 't really see the quilting too much because the fabric overwhelms it . Also the back fabric I chose completely hides the stitches , which is both good and bad . I am used to being able to see the quilting on the back . But again , you can see it on the border and it 's nice . I 've learned a great deal making this one , and feel more prepared for someday making a king size one , which someday I have to do for myself . ( See , everyone else are my guinea pigs ) . I thought I 'd use so much more fabric , but even given the size ( I think final measurements are something like 70 " x90 " ) it was less fabric than I expected . So of course the extra goes into my fabric collection . How much did it cost in materials ? I have no idea . I never add it up , because if I need a particular fabric or thread or whatever , I just have to buy it . It 's not a question . Ah well . . . I hope I make my sister in law cry . . . She is going to have to send me a photo every year proving that she 's using it . My sister made a quilt for her son ( my nephew ) and my sister - in - law promptlyPosted by OK , I am DONE done done . Except for cutting all the loose threads and cleaning off all the cat hair ! Ooops , and signing it . And , I think it turned out pretty well . . . But first the process . First the back side is taped down to the floor - slightly stretched so that it 's somewhat taut . Then , you smooth the batting over the backing . Then you center the top over the bottom , and smooth it all out . And then you proceed to put in safety pins every 4 - 6 inches to keep the sandwiched layers together . Then you roll up the sides and use big clips to keep it together and make it manageable to quilt . As you can see from the photo below , the hardest part was getting to the middle of the quilt . Lots of substance to fit through the machine , and rather awkward . It took me so long to do this , I 'm spreading the ' reveal ' over two posts . . . Tune in later for the details . : - ) Last Friday I happened upon a quilting exhibit at which there were members of a local guild there to answer questions about quilting . I asked them about quilting a huge quilt on a regular sewing machine , and one of the tips they gave me was to find some way to make my fingers sticky so it would be easier to manage the quilt in the machine . If they hadn 't specifically mentioned latex exam gloves I wouldn 't have thought of it . Well , it just so happens that I had a box from another project , and so put on my exam gloves to quilt . I felt really silly , but they worked ! At first I tried taking them off whenever I needed to do something else ( in part because my husband cracked a joke about it being exam time for him ) , but finally realized that the powder inside realllllly helps to get them on and when you take them on and off the powder disappears . No powder means your fingers don 't make it to the finger pockets and you 're poking into latex in the wrong spots . So I 've been through a couple pairs now . Bad for the environment , good for me . OK , you know that co - worker that got sick because I came into work sick ? Well , she was out all last week . And she has no more leave , so she has to take half of it as leave without pay . I don 't suppose there 's any way I can make it up to her ? I already asked about donating leave , but that 's just not done . Oh , the guilt is killing me . . . So , to interrupt a weekend of quilting my beeehind off , I watched Animal House Saturday night . A nice , mindless movie that I had never ever seen before , believe it or not . And it 's one of those movies that 's a sort of essential of American ' culture ' . A lot of references that still exist today . E . G . " Toga ! Toga ! Toga ! " Question I have though - is there where the idea came from that when women get together they stand around in their underwear or lack thereof and have pillow fights ? Just a short FYI re : filling out the passwords to make comments in blogger . I turned mine off a month ago and it made NO difference . Now back to quilting . . . gotta finish . gotta finish . . . . Watching Footloose while I was sick made me start thinking about whether I had actually ever had a celebrity crush . You know , when as a teen you buy the poster and stick it up on the ceiling over your bed so he 's always looking at you . And you swoon whenever you hear his name . And read all the Teen Beat articles about him . Kevin Bacon was definitely not a crush . And actually , I don 't think I ever had a celebrity crush as a teenager ( mayyyyybe Kevin Kline ) . I do remember a moment when I started understanding what sexual energy was all about and mine started really awakening - watching Prince in Purple Rain . Boy o boy . It was damn funny too , because I watched it in a movie theater sitting between two male friends of mine . They didn 't know what the hell I was so excited about , and actually didn 't quite know how to respond . . . The only real celebrity crush I ever had was , and I 'm kind of embarrassed to say it since it SO dates me , was the ghost in The Ghost and Mrs . Muir . I literally used to pray at night that I would have a dream with him in it . I must have been a good girl because I think I remember having one dream , at least . If you don 't know the show , and why would you , it was about a widow who went to live in this house that was haunted by a ghost , and their subsequent relationship . I guess it 's kind of like the couple in Pushing Daisies , but this TV show had no narrator to explain the feelings between the two characters . Actually , I 'm not sure it even counts as a celebrity crush since I didn 't like the actor , I liked the character . But it 's as close as I 've gotten I think . Who was your celebrity crush ? 1 . Avoid carrot sticks . Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit . In fact , if you see carrots , leave immediately . Go next door , where they are serving rum balls . 2 . Drink as much eggnog as you can . And quickly . Like fine single - malt scotch , it 's rare . In fact , it 's even rarer than single - malt scotch . You can 't find it any other time of year but now . So drink up ! Who cares that it has 10 , 000 calories in every sip ? It 's not as if you 're going to turn into an eggnog - alcoholic or something . It 's a treat . Enjoy it . Have one for me . Have two . It 's later than you think . It 's Christmas ! 3 . If something comes with gravy , use it . That 's the whole point of gravy . Gravy does not stand alone . Pour it on . Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes . Fill it with gravy . Eat the volcano . Repeat . 4 . As for mashed potatoes , always ask if they 're made with skim milk or whole milk . If it 's skim , pass . Why bother ? It 's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission . 5 . Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating . The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people 's food for free . Lots of it . Hello ? 6 . Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and the New Year . You can do that in January , when you have nothing else to do . This is the time for long naps , which you 'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10 - pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog . 7 . If you come across something really good at a buffet table , like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa , position yourself near them and don 't budge . Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention . They 're like a beautiful pair of shoes . If you leave them behind , you 're never going to see them again . 8 . Same for pies . Apple . Pumpkin . Mincemeat . Pecan . Have a slice of each . Or if you don 't like mincemeat , have two apples and one pumpkin , or two pumpkins and one pecan . Always have three . When else do you get to have more thaPosted by Well , since you all asked ( Susan ) , I 'll just say that I 'm better , but not well . I really hope none of you get this because it is EVIL - or is this truly what Susan and the Gnome had ? Someone made my colleague sick ( who ? ? ? ) and so she 's out too , so I can 't stay home anymore since she 's the only help I have on some / most of my stuff . Stuff is piling up . . . So , I nap on my office floor when I need it . And play the pity card when I need it . I 'm not touching any surface with my hand , and no not with my tissue either , and drinking lots of liquids , or trying to at least . I can 't even say I won 't work over the holidays on my vacation . . . But , I AM better , so that 's a good thing . Hopefully I 'll be fine by the holidays . There once was a family named Guineo . This family had three members : Papa Guineo , Mama Guineo , and Baby Guineo . This family desperately needed to move to another country , for reasons we will not disclose here , though perhaps you would like to hazard a guess . Given their sticky situation , the Guineos needed body armor , both to travel and to live in their new home . Papa Guineo searched far and wide on the internet , and ordered something he thought would work . When it arrived . . . . Papa Guineo tried it and it was TOO SMALLBaby Guineo tried it and it was TOO BIGBut Mama Guineo tried it and it fit JUST RIGHTSo she said , ' Here 's my chance for a free and single life ! SEE YA ! ' and off she went . Papa Guineo subsequently was fried , and Baby Guineo grew up to buy a red sports car to compensate for something ( ahem . . . he never did grow any longer or wider ) . - - - - - - - - yes , folks , it 's the banana bunker that I wished for ! live and in the flesh , so to speak . I had sent out the information far and wide ( not just in the blogosphere ) and someone came through , so to speak . I opened it and laughed my friggin ass off for 10 - 15 minutes straight . that laughter alone was so well worth the money that was spent , and the person who gave it to me has my undying devotion , at least for a little while . : - ) I could not bring myself to take photos of it in my hands , I just couldn 't . but even just thinking of writing this post gave me lol laughter - I looked for the teeny tiny organic bananas but of course they had none in the stores so I had to use the smallest ' regular ' banana I could find for Baby Guineo . even though I fear anyone seeing the bunker in my hands , it actually will be really useful come climbing season , since I do need to have a banana every day , and carrying it in my pack is fraught with squishing possibilities . it 'll keep it stiff . . . Oh my , there i go again . . . Don 't you hate those people who go into work sick and spread germs ? I feel so bad - I 've become one of them . Turns out a co - worker is now out sick , because of me . I was such an idiot to go into work when I felt like crap - I forgot my mantra of ' the world will not come to an end if x doesn 't get done ' . I know there are people who either don 't get appropriate amounts of sick leave or really do have to work despite having a fever ( Gnome ) . But that doesn 't make it good . I had to go in today to drop off some forms and I tried to make sure I didn 't touch anything without a paper towel on my hand . Sigh . . . Of course the trip in wore me out and I went home and took a 2 hour nap . And could use another one ! On a positive note , I 've been able to watch some movies , which I don 't take enough time to do . First one was Footloose . Haven 't seen it since it came out I think ! It 's not half bad . . . I remember loving the name ' Ren ' and thinking I 'd name my son that . I looked at one of the characters , thought she looked familiar , and it WAS Sarah Jessica Parker . Then I had borrowed Spirited Away from my brother . It really was beautiful and amazing - you have to see it . It is NOT for kids , that 's for sure though . I 'm bringing it to my family 's for Christmas so everyone can see it . Yesterday I rented Hairspray - the most recent version . At first I was kind of rolling my eyes and didn 't want to deal with the fluff , and then one of the songs just made me smile and got me moving a little bit . And so I got into the movie more . My favoritest person on there is Elijah Kelley , my favorite quote : " I 'm very pleased and scared to be here . " A number of the pieces are just so great . I 'm not quite done yet , and will go watch the end with supper tonight . It makes me want to see the original , which I think will be a little more twisted , given John Waters and Divine . But maybe not . Funny that John Waters was the flasher . On tap for tomorrow if Blockbuster has it : Hedwig and the Angry Inch . I learned today that it 's not so bad sitting on the couch watching football games for 6 hours . I also saw a few things I had never seen before . I didn 't know that when the ball is punted if it hits a member of the same team ( e . g . on the leg ) then . . . ( oops , now I even forget what happens - the other team gets it ? ) . That was the Packers game . Then in the Patriots game the whole horizontal throw to Moss , and then Moss back to Brady , and then Brady to the end zone - never seen that either . I didn 't really understand it though - it looked like the football touched the ground when it was by Moss . What happened ? Although I am excited that the Patriots won , I feel bad for the Steelers . They were doing so well in the first half ! It was a good game until after halftime . Oh , I also learned that halftime is not long enough to take a good nap . When I was younger , halftime always seemed so lonnnnng . See , I used to watch sports with my father all the time . It was a way to spend time with him - he didn 't ignore us kids , he just certainly needed his zoning in front of the tv time , and any sport would do . I grew up watching everything : baseball , football , golf , hockey , fishing . . . I think football was always my favorite , though actually I do like watching golf too , but I can think of a million other things to do with my time now . My wish for this football season is for the Superbowl to be between the Patriots and the Packers . See , I 'm from New England originally , and my husband is from Packer country , so it would be funnnn to see the cheeseheads stomped by NE . : - ) There would certainly be a Superbowl party , though perhaps at a friend 's house since we don 't have a big screen tv . . . I have spent the whole weekend in my house , not speaking to anyone , drinking liquids and hacking . Actually , I did go to the store both days so I could pretend I was a real human being . I already know I 'm taking off work tomorrow - actually I knew it this morning . I can 't talk for more than a few minutes without hacking up some beautifully colored stuff . Can sPosted by Woo - woo tagged me last week with a meme ( so I am no longer a tag virgin ) . I had to stretch some things in different directions , but it was indeed interesting to go back and look at my blog to see what 's there , so thanks woooo . Link 5 proves that I 'm vain . Link 1 is a little bit of FAMILY : Happy Birthday Dad ! Link 2 is a little bit of FRIEND : Long Overdue Thank YouLink 3 is a little bit of YOURSELF : Declaration of ImperfectionLink 4 should be YOUR LOVE : You got to know . . . Link 5 can be ANYTHING YOU LIKE : the lion photo * * * INSTRUCTIONS : * * * 1 . Post 5 links to 5 of your previously written posts . The posts have to relate to the 5 key words given below . 2 . Tag 5 other friends to do this meme . Try to tag at least 2 new acquaintances ( if not , your current blog buddies will do ) so that you get to know them each a little bit better . 3 . Don 't forget to read the archived post and leave comments . I am going to pass this on to a couple people , but no obligation to do it , obviously . It would be nice to see what you link to on your blog . ChurlitaHeartSquirrel ( you might have to do some writing to fill all these in ) Tera ( so she can post without having to write anything new ) Susan Here you can see the skinny ( skin and bones ) cat and the fat cat . . . The Halloween cat is most appropriate - I 'd be scared too looking at these two - afraid they 'd chow down on me ( one because she needs the food , the other because he obviously eats tooooo much food ) . Here 's the update on the quilt . I have all the fabric made , and am now piecing it all together . I got pretty far on my sick day , but didn 't take a photo of it . It 's definitely a new experience for me . It 's so abstract right now , and I want to make it a little bit more realistic with the fabric paint and the quilting thread . We 'll see how it goes . . . Cue the violins for me . . . I 've eaten breakfast and want to go take a nap . Trying to keep putting liquids down . Oh , forgot a funny story from yesterday . We had grab and go lunches for people to take with them to the airport at the end of the meeting . I brought mine . Got to the airport though and the flight was delayed 1 . 5 hours , so I had time to send my mom a postcard ( she loves getting postcards ) . Had to walk to the exact opposite end of the building , but that was fine since I had so much time . Put my stuff down , wrote the card , and mailed it . Went through security ( a pain since I was carrying a computer AND a projector ) , went to the bathroom , and realized I was missing my lunch , dammit , which was going to be my dinner too . And I knew knew I left it at the mailbox . So , I exit past security and walk down to the other end of the building . As I approach the mailing area I see a policeman , and think , oh crap , but walk up , smile a big smile at him , and pick up the lunch box . " That yours ma ' am ? " Yes , so sorry ! He was just about to call in the bomb sniffing dogs . Ooops . . . I offered him some to try and make it better . At first he just said no , and then he asked what it was . : - ) guess it wasn 't what he liked as I got to keep it . Thank goodness people are more friendly in St . Louis . Well , actually , I 'm back so you can 't meet me there . . . The highlight of the trip was that there is a Hustler Hollywood ( Unique Boutique ) across the street from the hotel . ( a guy who works in the hotel asked if I thought it would have an impact on the hotel and I said , uh , yes ) . I HAD to go in it . So , at the end of a LONG , HARD day I STRIPPED off my work clothes , put on some PLAY clothes and sashayed across the street . And got a little bit of an education . Did you know ? That you can buy a kit that will somehow enable you to cast your crotch and vagina , so I guess your loved one can always have at least a part of you with him / her ? Did you know ? That they make a ' penis through the head ' gag thing just like the old arrow through the head that Steve Martin used to use ? Did you know ? That Real Dolls ( TM ) are packaged in a sitting down position ? Did you know ? That they make ' spank me it 's my birthday ' not just on beater shirts , but also on underwear ? Oh , and so much more . It was very very interesting . And , I was all set to call in sick tomorrow to work on my quilt , relax , hang out , and dammit , on the plane ride home , I started feeling my throat closing up . So I might actually be sick , dammit . But I have to go in for a 3 : 00 meeting no matter what , so we 'll see what happens . Thanks to Susan , the Gnome , and whoever else spread the diseases across cyberspace . . . : - )
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Why are swans accepted as such romantic symbols ? In my own Couple 's Lexicon , they are creatures of dark intent , savage stubornness , and malicious persecution of the weak . I admit , however , that I might be a special case : I got chased out of my boots by a flock of geese when I was little . In any case , here 's my Swan Song . It was dark . Strains of Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers drifted on the wind , hampered slightly by a misty rain . The benefit concert was outdoors , but the VIP ticket holders had a tent to drink under , so the show went on unchecked . After finishing my shift as a volunteer bartender to the rich and famous Hamptons crowd , I prepared to enjoy the chance to see a live concert for free , which suited my college student budget perfectly . I heard my name , looked around . . . ah , the love of my life was waving at me from beyond a barrier of orange construction fencing . With a sigh , I gathered my things and left the concert grounds . It seems my darling had a problem . His apartment came with chipmunks in the walls , the coldest bathroom on the East End , and free access to a canoe and a flatbed ferry disguised as a kayak . During a recreational paddle earlier that day , he had been forced to abandon ship by a pair of nesting swans . While they didn 't seem to mind him leaving the kayak in the reeds , they were adamant that he stay off the water . After a wet slog home , he cleaned himself up and went to class , then had dinner and probably watched a movie with his buddies in the infirmary before coming to find me to help him retrieve the lost kayak . I was touched . So we took off in the canoe by starlight . It was a warm moonless summer night , and the rain was little more than an occasional drip condensing out of a low lying cloud . He told me the history between him and the swans and shared his assumption that the birds would be snug on their nest , rather than diligently patrolling the entire inlet this late at night . The plan was to paddle to the kayak , which he would paddle home while I captained the canoe , which I was more familiar with at the time . And it sort of worked . He got out , got into the kayak , and headed for home . I turned the large empty canoe around , a somewhat cumbersome procedure , especially considering the wind that was kicking up . I was in no hurry , making a slow arcing turn rather than trying to fight the water and the wind . I had made it about ninety degrees , so my back was to the shore , when I heard it . I had no pillow case with me , so I paddled like hell , straight out into the bay . The hissing and chest thumping stopped , and I turned the boat so I could look shoreward over my left shoulder . I couldn 't hear any bloodcurdling screams , so I assumed my beloved hadn 't been eaten by the vicious birds . Surely I would have heard that over the Heartbreakers ' twangy guitars . . . there , a light , bobbing along the shoreline . He had gotten the kayak and was trying to signal to me . I flashed my flashlight in return , and shouted , something pithy , I 'm sure , like , " Over here ! " or " The swan chased after me ! " I hoped he would head back before they realized he was there . I sat quietly , straining my eyes for a glimpse of the bird I could sense was out there , awaiting my next move . The rain began to fall in earnest . I watched his flashlight slowly make its way to the left , towards home . I turned back to starboard , away from home and paddled into deeper water . The swan returned to its silent watchfulness . I could see the beam of a flashlight , waving back and forth , flashing intermittently , but only just . There was no way my much smaller light would be visible , especially as he had no way of knowing where to look . I called out . " Swans ! " All I heard in response was Tom Petty . Again , " SWANS ! " A hiss in the dark , much closer than I 'd been expecting . . . . " I ' M GOING TO THE LOBSTER INN ! ! ! " I screamed over my shoulder , hoping to God he heard me , since all I could hear was the muffled base from the concert . I dipped my paddle into the water and headed away from the swan . It didn 't seem to appreciate my guesture as an admission of defeat and leapt to the pursuit again . There was a restaurant with a boat dock a few miles down the road from the college . I don 't know how far it was by water , but the wretched beast chased me the entire way , hissing and beating its chest if I slowed down , herding me like a sheepdog . By the time I dragged the boat into the mud and reeds by the restaurant , by arms and shoulders were burning . I was soaked to the skin , covered in mud , and ( I can only assume ) looked as though I 'd been chased for miles in the dark by a heartless attacker . I would have sat on the dock and collected myself before going inside , but I could see the swan at the edge of the dark , waiting for me to let my guard down . Sometimes I wonder if any of the people enjoying a pleasant dinner out remember the bedraggled college kid who edged into the restaurant . . . . I asked the first waitress I saw for a quarter so I could use the payphone . After giving me the hairy eyeball up and down , obviously wondering if I were likely to disrupt the dinning room more if she refused , she handed me several and went to wash her hands . Yes , a pay phone . I had no cell phone at that point in my life . ( Imagine that kids . . . . COLLEGE and no cell phone ! ) I rang my beau repeatedly , no answer . I finally left a message , using up one of my precious quarters , and tried to think wildly of someone else to call . Most of my friends were at the concert , or a party , or had no car . I tried again . And again . And again . And finally he answered . He had to bring his work truck to get me , since his personal car had no roof rack for the canoe . The extreme discomfort at misusing Town resources and risking his career were mollified , somewhat , by the state I was in when he finally got there to collect me . Luckily we were in an off - again phase anyway , because I 'm certain that night would have strained any relationship to the breaking point ( I 've never listened to a Tom Petty CD since ) . My two - year - old is at the peculiar stage of innocence where she really likes the sensation of hitting different substances ( the couch , the wall , toys , her sister . . . ) but harbors no ill intentions . Coupled with her knowledge of tools , she seems to believe that everything can be fixed with a hammer , so there is no artifice in her response to horrified questions like " Why are you hitting your teddy bear with that drumstick ? " She is truly and honestly " fixing it . " It 's hard to keep this in mind when she has also adopted the " Finding Nemo " seagulls ' mantra as her own . She justifies snatching toys from her sister with a cheery " My turn ! " and rejects her peas for the ones on my plate when they are the exact same small green butter - less balls . I remember drinking my mom 's soda as a teenager , and my husband still ( after six years of marriage ! ) refuses to share a drink with me at the movies because of the size of my " sips , " but I certainly don 't remember filtching food of the plates of the rest of my family . It actually repulses me somewhat , even while the Toddler Feeder in my is glad to see her eating some veggies . It reminds me of the biography of Helen Keller that I read as a child which described the terror tactics Anne Sullivan witnessed in her first meal at the Keller family dinner table . I remind myself on a daily basis how fortunate I am to have two healthy , intelligent girls , a willing and able partner who supports and loves his roles as husband and father , and extended family who will drop everything and come a ' runnin ' if we ever need them . All my respect goes out to all the men and women who are raising their children with any less of a support network . While I wouldn 't give up my technology - based life , there is a rosy - glow - of - nostalgia part of me that mourns elements of simpler days that are forever lost : when families were closer because it was rare to leave one 's hometown ; when there was less concentration on the motives and intentions that surrounded one ; when so many more things could , in fact , be fixed with a hammer . I spent six years working in a retail environment . It started out as a flexible position that allowed me to work a full time job and finish up my Bachelor 's degree . Then I got comfortable and made really good friends and found myself taking on more responsibility instead of devoting myself to finding a " real " job until , six years later I wasn 't having fun anymore and had lost most of my professional self - respect in the process . It 's hard to take pride in your work when The Boss eliminates all elements of creativity and makes it abundantly clear that they think a monkey could do your job ( which might be preferable because monkeys don 't ask questions ) . From behind the counter , I dealt with individuals who irritated me . If I let it get to me , which I sometimes did , then I found myself irritated with completely unrelated people or circumstances . Resenting the loss of my good mood , I tried to regain some of that power by taking it out on other people . I finally realized I control my emotional state . Allowing others to influence my mood gave them control over my behavior , and no matter what , my actions would only reflect on me , not my back story . 4 . Misuse of sarcasm makes you sound stupid . You never know who you 're actually dealing with on a bus , or in line at the grocery store , or at the mall . That salesman may very well be smarter than you . It 's safer to keep your snark to yourself , or accept that they will make fun of you with their friends and family , possibly for years to come depending on how big an ass you make of yourself . Maybe they were in centuries gone by , but in today 's society , too many people fall back on that line to cover their own glaring ineptitude , get something for free , or just to enjoy some sort of power trip . We have made it socially acceptable to be an absolute prat , and inexcusable to ever be wrong . People make mistakes , right ? No . YOU make mistakes . Every single one of us is wrong sometimes . If you hire an expert , accept that they know better than you . Be aware that your righteous indignation may be misplaced , and double check all the facts before you start slinging around the " I must be right because I 'm paying for something " nonsense . Violators of this simple , obvious rule never cease to amaze me . Why do some people think that they get better service by being snarky , sarcastic , rude , aggressive , disrespectful , obstinate , or even simply unpleasant ? If you need something done , especially if you 're in a hurry , you better be polite to the person you 're asking to serve you . Polite language , realistic expectations , and a healthy awareness that you are not the only person in the room will go a long , long way towards getting your problems addressed without body fluids being introduced to your lasagna , dry cleaning , wedding programs , or whatever you happen to be asking someone to make or do for you . Our Civic has been a padiddle for several weeks , and since we enjoyed a beautiful 60 - degree day today ( a thing to be cherished in January , even if we do live south of the Mason - Dixon line . . . ) I finally got around to replacing the low - beam light bulb on the driver 's side . As my father 's daughter , I take pride in any little mechanical fixes that I can do myself . As my mother 's daughter , I am remarkably stubborn and unlikely to admit defeat very early in a challenge . So , the story goes a little something like this : As a prelude , I initially attempted the repair several days ago , on a less pleasant day ( read 40 degrees and rapidly approaching dusk ) . I left my husband inside , warm , cozy , watching the girls ( one of whom was napping ) . The hood release didn 't let go entirely and I spent about five minutes getting increasingly frustrated and cold , going back into the house for gloves and a coat , and finally asking my man for help . Hardly a valiant send - off for an independent woman of the world . . . . He got the hood open , though to be fair , it took him a little while and some finagling . After identifying which bulb needed to come out ( of course it was the one wedged against the far exterior wall of the hood space , tucked neatly behind the wiper - fluid bottle ) , I spent several minutes trying to wedge my fingers into the crevice well enough to rotate the bulb housing in order to remove it . Already in a fairly bad mood from my unsuccessful attempts to open the hood all by myself , the cold , the swapping of gloves from hand to hand , the onset of night , I gave up and stomped back into the house , feeling like a total doob and half - inclined to take the car and the light bulb to Midas and ask a nice mechanic to do the job for me . * eyelashes batting wildly * Hood opened on the first try : already a better day ! After wedging my hands into the narrow space behind the grill of the car from a variety of angles , I went back inside to swap out my long sleeves for a T - shirt ( yes , it was that warm ) and get a hat to keep my hair from dangling on the engine block . While I was in there , I gathered up two screwdrivers and some WD - 40 , knowing from watching my dad that those three tools are the base code of the universe , took off my engagement and wedding rings , and changed my shirt . Back outside , I approached the car with purposeful stride , wind whipping my hair behind me as I had forgotten a hat . I bent down , spritzed a little lube on the screws that hold the bulb housing in place and nearly dropped a screwdriver into the fan belt * * . I found a better spot to set the tools and let the WD - 40 do its job . At the sound of a horn blast in my very near vicinity , I jump , startled , and come close to singing my arm on the hot lump of metal that has something to do with making the car go . Irritated , I poke my head out from under the hood to find my weird - old - guy neighbor in his car behind my car . " Well , as long as you know what your doing , " he said , driving off with a shrug and a roll of his eyes . So I had a good long chuckle to myself as I considered what kind of a chauvinist jackass would think a female incapable of changing a light bulb . Granted , it 's a very inconveniently located light bulb that you have to rotate , remove from its lantern , disconnect from a wire connector , and try to avoid touching the glass of the replacement as you get it in place , but still . . . just a light bulb . As I mentally mocked this man for his well - intentioned neighborly concern , I got the old bulb out . The new bulb didn 't go the little port at the end of the wire as easily as I was expecting . My hair kept blowing in my face . I was actually sweating . I was beginning to want some lunch . I could see it there , on the ledge , within an inch of having fallen straight through to the ground . I was torn between glad it wasn 't smashed on the asphalt and concern that I wasn 't going to be able to get my hand into the frame to retrieve it . Well - founded concerns , as it turns out , because I had to push it from above with a collapsible tent pole , relying on a wool hat from the girls ' car seat stash to cushion the fall . Once I had the bulb back safe and sound , I turned my full attention to getting it into the appropriate lamp . Even though the posture required to get into the low - beam lantern on a Civic is reminiscent of certain pages of the Kama Sutra , and resulted in more scraped knuckles , I managed to do it much faster than the high beam . A practice run is always useful ! I also figured out that disconnecting the wire from the bulb while it was locked in place in the lamp was easier than trying to fit both hands into the tiny space and wrangle it blindly apart with no leverage or maneuverability . All in all , I was outside in the sun , enjoying the wind in my hair and the smell of engine grease , which always reminds me of my dad . That particular half hour of my life , while not my most graceful or well - organized , was full of laughter , sardonic and self - depreciating as it may have been . And since the kids were in the house having fun with Gran , Pop , and Dad , I was able to curse without feeling guilty in the slightest . I can think of worse ways to spend a sunny day in January . " You ate all your lunch , but it 's kind of late for a snack . Do you promise to eat your dinner if I give you a lollipop ? " Little fingers curl together in the uncompromising grasp of a pinky swear . " I promise to eat my dinner . " I can 't say I 'm sorry to see the end of 2011 . For a lot of people , it was a pretty crap year . A few very personal highlights brightened up a long string of seemingly Biblical international plagues : recessions , floods , tornadoes , wars , Justin Bieber . . . . They say that time flies when you 're having fun , but even though this year wasn 't a laugh - a - minute , it was over before I had a chance to dwell on any of the negatives . That may seem like a good thing , but as I reflect on the year behind , I realize how many great moments I missed or nearly forgot . That is the lesson I 'm taking forward : every day will have highs and lows . Every day has the same number of minutes passing by , and each one deserves to be lived . Every day will see my children grow and develop , and somewhere heroes will save lives , villains destroy them , and politicians will make and break new promises and laws . The economy and the climate will continue to cycle through their natural ebb and flow around us , despite all attempts to bring them under control . I can 't control the weather . I can 't control international policy . There are days that I can 't even claim to control my children . . . I can determine my responses to the world around me , and where I focus my attention . I will continue to listen to the Dalai Lama on Facebook , and take great joy in hearing my daughter sing " Twinkle , Twinkle , Little Star " with her father in the bathroom . In 2012 , I will try to appreciate the good moments , knowing that they will give me the strength and inspiration to get through the bad . I 'm going to make 2012 my year for appreciation and gratitude . An avid reader myself , I read to my kids almost fanatically . One of my favorite memories of the first day we brought our firstborn home was unpacking my hospital bag and hearing my husband start reading the first chapter of " The Hobbit " to our daughter , knowing as he did that it was my very favorite childhood book . I think he secretly wanted me to cry a couple happy , post - natal emotional tears . I obliged . Our eldest is now two and a half , and knows all her letters and the sounds they make , but has some difficulty pronouncing " L " correctly - - most often , it comes out sounding like a " Y . " She has also reached a point where she knows how several books go , especially favorites like our Eric Carle books . Today , I overheard her reading " Panda Bear , Panda Bear , What Do You See ? " with a little twist . Brown Bear also sees , but Polar Bear leads a book of animals hearing other animals ' noises " in their ears . " Her rendition of " PB , PB , WDYS ? " went a little something like this . . . .
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1 Comment » I was out of practice today ! The first person I chose , a young lady whose name tag said Frey , appeared to be taking a break from her job at a local restaurant . She never said anything to me as I explained what I was doing . She just looked down at her phone and finally shook her head no when I asked if she would accept my $ 10 . I picked myself up and went searching for another person . There were lots of options as the streets near Dupont Circle are full of people . Stretched out on a metal chair on a rain washed street terrace in front of a Cosi restaurant , Thomas was just taking in the sights and sounds of the bustling streets of our nation 's capital . With a drink , bag of Cheetos Flamin ' Hot Popcorn and cooler surrounding him , he smiled and said , " I was just sitting here relaxing , kind of in a transcendental state you know . " I asked him about the cooler - I thought he might have been selling some cold drinks . " Nope , " he said , " I just use this to carry around my stuff . It 's sturdy and has a nice lid that I can even sit down on if I need to . " I can just see my Dad adopting this idea and traveling around with a cooler after he reads this ! Thomas grew up in Washington and we figured out that we knew a few people in common . He knew Elijah from Day 185 and Connie from Day 319 of my Year of Giving . I asked him what he was going to with the $ 10 and he said he was going to probably get some food , band - aids and maybe put a few dollars in the cup of a street musician who was filling the air with the melodic riffs of a guitar . Man , I miss this ! So happy to be celebrating the Worldwide Day of Giving - takes me back to my 365 day journey in 2010 . Good times ! If you want to know what I 'm up to now , check out the Year of Letters . 2 Comments » Five years ago I started the Worldwide Day of Giving . It is a very special day that was started on this date in 2010 as part of the Year of Giving . Participating is simple and can be done from anywhere in the world . 4 Comments » Back in 2010 , at the midway point of my yearlong journey of giving away $ 10 a day to strangers while I was unemployed , I named June 15th the Worldwide Day of Giving . It 's a day I encourage others to try what I did day in and day out for my Year of Giving : give a stranger ten bucks ! Now , I later broadened the scope of the day to include making a $ 10 donation to a nonprofit or volunteering for part of the day . Some people just aren 't comfortable going up to strangers and giving them money - much less taking a little time to get to know them . Well today I found myself over off of Columbia Pike in Arlington . I was having lunch with my friend Patricia . You may remember Patricia was the rock star who put my year - end celebration together on December 14th , 2010 . It was an amazing night where I brought as many of the $ 10 recipients and followers of the blog together to celebrate the 365 day journey . Everything that night ran so smoothly thanks to Patricia who managed all the logistics . So … back to the sunny sidewalks of Arlington . Patricia and I walked up to William Jeffrey 's Tavern for lunch . On the way up there , we passed an adorable young boy out playing in front of his house . The scene took me back to my own childhood and I was jealous of his day of playing with Transformers on the cool shaded front steps of what I assumed was his home . After lunch we walked up to the Columbia Pike Blues Festival . When we got there we ran into Alfonso Lopez , a charming and charismatic 42 - year - old who I learn is running for reelection as the Representative of the 49th District of the Virginia House of Delegates . We chat a bit and I shared with him that today was the Worldwide Day of Giving and explained a bit about the Year of Giving . " You 're THAT guy ? " he blurted out . " I totally remember your story ! " He then grabs the attention of the other half - dozen people who were nearby working the Democrat tent at the fair , " Hey guys , this is the guy who was unemployed and went around every day giving strangers ten dollars , remember him ? " I wish I had a photograph of his colleagues and the quizzical looks that came over them . It was as if Alfonso had just spoke to them in Klingon . One guy looked down a bit and murmured sheepishly something like he was sorry that he didn 't know what he was talking about . The others , frozen in the confusion , kind of shrugged and then went back to their conversations . It 's no big deal … I don 't expect people to have heard of my project . But it is fun when they do ! At about this time his son Aaron shows up . It was the same youngster I had seen earlier that day playing . Something just seemed right at that moment and I handed Alfonso my ten spot for the day . " I 'll put five toward my campaign and give the other five to the democratic party of Virginia to help other delegates , " he said . I thought it was pretty cool that he wanted part of the money to go to help someone other than himself . Alfonso was in high demand at the event . A constituent had stopped by to speak to him about an issue and I didn 't want to take more of his time . He gave me a firm handshake and shot me a smile and thanked me again . " Move to my district , " he said half kidding but half serious as we walked away . Let me tell you , if I moved to Virgina I 'd be honored to have Alfonso represent me . Good luck in the election this fall ! I made a lap around the circle looking for my recipient and spotted Dave K . rooting through a garbage can . Although he never said it , I believe the 45 - year - old former science teacher from New York is homeless right now . His faded pants and worn sneakers were putting in overtime . His missing teeth didn 't stop him from being really generous with his smile that was tucked away under a thick cotton - white beard . " Nothing in particular … just looking , " he said when I asked him what he was looking for . I had seen him open up some food containers from the lunch - goers from nearby offices that pepper the grassy respite in Northwest DC . " I think I 'll get me some coffee from Starbucks , " he told me looking down at the $ 10 in his hand . " I 'm gonna get a venti dark roast ! " The sunlight shifted back and forth on his face as the leaves above waved in the wind . I asked him why he was no longer working and he placed his index finger over his pursed lips . " There are some things that I prefer not to talk about , " he said . We chatted a bit more … from quantum physics to garbage . " I once found a hundred - dollar bill , " Dave said causing his eyebrows to come out from beneath the white Virgin Atlantic sunglasses he was sporting . " Yep , it was sitting right on top of a public garbage can in New York City . " I could sense that he was satisfied with our talk and was ready to move on . I asked a guy walking by to snap our picture , invited him to small happy hour celebration for the Worldwide Day of Giving tonight at L ' Enfant Cafe and Bar . He smiled again and we shook hands goodbye . He wandered over to another garbage can and leaned in to sift through the refuse . You can volunteer with any organization . For those of you who are busy and can 't take off work , consider micro - volunteering on www . sparked . com . This is one of the coolest websites I have seen . I did a project this morning while I ate my breakfast ! What are you waiting for ? Go tackle one of the 3 , 493 projects ! So you 're old school ? You want to celebrate the Worldwide Day of Giving by paying it forward like I did last year for 365 days . It 's easy . Find a complete stranger . Approach them and tell them that you are participating in the Worldwide Day of Giving and would like to give them $ 10 . The only rules are that you may not know the person and you may not receive anything in return for the $ 10 ( aside from the rush of goodness you will feel ) . Yesterday was Memorial Day - a day when we remember those who have served our country . I took some time to think about my family members who have served - most recently my cousin Jonathan and his wife Alex . Thankfully they made it home safely . I then was reminded of Jen B . who I met on Day 362 of my Year of Giving . She lost her husband , Army 1st Lt . Todd J . Bryant , when his Humvee came under attack in Fallujah in October of 2003 . My thoughts go out to her , Todd 's family and all of those who have lost loved ones serving their country . Washington is full of wonderful trails that provide safe riding throughout our nation 's capital . However there is one day each year that gives riders full access to the city and so many of the breathtaking vistas usually reserved only for snapshots out windows of slow moving cars . That day is Bike DC . I rode in Bike DC last year and even gave my $ 10 away to another rider . You can read the blog post and watch some video I shot while riding . This year I too was going to ride and then I got the idea that I would volunteer for them . I was stationed at the Will Call table which was set up on the corner of 3rd and Jefferson , directly west of the US Capitol . Technically I was supposed to be answering questions that the cyclists had , but there was a much greater need to actually check the nearly 4 , 000 riders in so I started checking them in too . It was impressive . We managed to process every single rider in about 90 minutes . The event , which costs riders about $ 35 , supports the Washington Area Bicycle Association ( WABA ) . They represent cyclists ' interest here in DC . I overlook their tired emails and letters because I , like many others here in the area , benefit from their work . Click here to find out how you can support WABA . After I was done working , I tacked on a rider 's bib and headed out on the course . It 's beautiful and there is something indescribable about riding through such a picturesque city with no cars . My favorite part though is crossing the bridge into Virginia and riding down the GW Parkway ! That is pretty cool . I started this post off remembering those who have served in the military . In the theme of remembrance , I offer a name to you : Alice Swanson . She died just a block from my home while riding her bike to work in July of 2008 . For a long time there was a white bicycle placed at the corner of Connecticut and R Streets as a memorial . Although I never knew Alice , there is not a day that goes by when I walk by that corner that I don 't think about her . I found my teens today on St . Kitts ! Our ship arrived around 11am and we disembarked an hour later . I didn 't have an excursion today so I ended up taking a so - so tour of the island by taxi , which ended at Frigate Bay , a rock black sand beach . I took a half - hearted dip and dried out at the bar where I had a Ting ( similar to Seven Up ) and a chicken roti . I was served by an ex - pat who had left America with her husband six years ago . She was originally from New York . She and her husband lived on a boat for three years . Then they decided to settle on St . Kitts , but she doesn 't think they 'll stay there forever . She 's written a book about their adventures which is supposed to be published by McGraw Hill in May of 2012 . You never know who you 're going to meet , do you ? ! She said St . Kitts was very expensive , and several times referred to financial worries . Her husband was working construction on a nearby hotel , which afforded him health insurance . But she had none . She seemed like a good person to give ten dollars . So I explained the whole deal to her , and she happily accepted the ten dollars . Just then a few people came up to buy some beers . While they were finishing their order , it dawned on me I had not left myself enough money to get a taxi back to the ship ! Good grief , the embarrassment ! Here I am a Year of Giving Ambassador and I had to ask for my money back ! She was good natured about it , though , and as it turned out it seemed to be for the best . When I got back to port I hoofed it on to the boat , unloaded my stuff and grabbed a ten from the safe in our room . Then I hoofed it back out to the port 's shopping plaza . Someone walked by with a huge waffle bowl of ice cream . I asked where she got it and she pointed down a certain street . I walked in that direction when suddenly , just up ahead , I spied five teenagers walking away from me . Perfect ! They all turned to look at me with surprise . They were willing to listen as I explained to them my mission . When I 'd finished , I said I could give one of them the ten , if they wanted , or I could split it five ways . They were fine with receiving the money split five ways . One reason I was interested in giving to teenagers is that teens are still so idealistic and inspired . I thought for sure they would be supportive of the Year of Giving philosophy . Several of them commented something along the lines that what I was doing should happen more often . So I think I was on the mark , and made sure to write down the website address for them . I used my slightly battered digital camera to briefly film each one of them . It was a lot of fun playing junior documentarian . Unfortunately when I played it back later I couldn 't understand much of what they said because background noises garbled their speech . So what you 're about to read is mostly true , some part best guess and one , and a bit pure invention . This much is true . All five of them are sixteen . They all belong to the fifth form , which I took to be roughly analogous to our senior high . They were all excited to be graduating to sixth form in two months which would allow them to move on to college or other goals . The mix was three boys and two girls , and they all seemed to be good friends . They were excited because their school had won the St . Kitts interschool championship for sports . Tomorrow would be a school holiday to celebrate and there would be a " motorcade , " as one boy described it , " with lots of cars honking and people cheering . " I didn 't get this boy 's name . However , I did find out he is a cheerleader and the school mascot . The mascot is a cheeto … a large , orange cheeto . He 's a tall , handsome boy so I 'm sure he makes a very dignified cheeto . The others in the group described him as a " natural born salesmen " and deferred to him as the leader of the group . He responded modestly to their praise , but I could tell he was an ambitious young man . He told me he hoped to major in electrical engineering , and was planning on saving his two dollar jackpot for the time being . Since school is free in St . Kitts , he won 't need to save it to pay off a hefty education debt , thank goodness ! Chez , whose name I did get correctly , wants to major in IT . I assured him that was a good choice because it was lucrative . He agreed with a big smile . He planned on buying a soda with his two dollars " because it 's hot ! " He 's a practical sort , I think . Hasia ( I think that 's his name but not certain ) is going to major in economics . He seemed the most excited about getting the money , and was clearly the spiritual one of the group . When I started to hand out the money he said , " We have received a blessing from God ! " Later , when I gathered them as a group to take a picture , he said , " We should all be smiling because God has given us a gift ! We should have a big smile on our faces ! " He 's also the one who suggested they all shout " Ten Dollars ! " when I snapped the photo , a variation on saying " Cheese . " He planned on saving his windfall . I have a hunch he might give it to his church or a charity . Just a hunch . Tahira , the smaller of the two girls , was the only one of the group who didn 't have plans to go onto college . Well , that may be true of Tamika too . She was too shy to be interviewed . We all decided as a group she was speechless with joy over the two dollar boon . Tahira , however , wants to get a job after school . She 's interested in being a pilot because she likes to travel and would like to go to Africa . Another career possibility is the spy business . She sees them on TV sit - drams and thinks their lives look very exciting . She didn 't know yet what she wanted to do with her double sawbucks . She 's the imaginative one of the group , so I suspect she needed time to ponder the many possibilities available to her . I asked them how it felt to receive money from a stranger for no reason at all . They all thought it was " weird , " a word I found to be just about right , since the root of the word comes from the word " wyrd , " which means " fate " or " destiny . " And you never know what chance encounter may change your fate or destiny . I wouldn 't be surprised if they would try to change someone 's fate or destiny for the better through the Year of Giving , or in some other way . If I could roll these five bright kids into one , I bet I would come up with an ambitious , practical kid full of faith , hope , gratitude and imagination . This kind soul would be speechless with joy at the way life can surprise you with grace . What kid like that wouldn 't go out of his or her way to make someone else 's day a little brighter ? This kid would be like my cruise - mate Carol who a few minutes later treated me to a delicious waffle bowl of sour soup ice - cream . I told her I 'd pay her back on the ship , to which she replied , " No worries . I 'm good . " Make a donation I gave $ 10 every day for a year . Would you make a $ 10 donation ( that 's less than 3 cents a day ! ) today to help those in need that I have met through the Year of Giving . You will get updates on how your donation is used . Quick Links About Recent Comments Reed Sandridge on Day 32 - Garland L . Reed Sandridge on Day 1 - Where to be … Shannon on Day 32 - Garland L . Amy Boardman on Day 1 - Where to be … On helping the homel … on Day 1 - Where to be … Want to help one of the people you have read about here ? Check out the Lend a Hand page or contact me directly and I can assist you in helping them !
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Some of the drivers transporting the It Is Written volunteers to their work sites are non - Christian . That 's the case for Orgil , the driver for the team going to the orphanage . If you think this name looks hard to pronounce , trust me , it 's even harder when you hear a Mongolian say it with all throat sounds involved . Consequently , our young volunteers decided to give Orgil an English name : Liam . Our driver loves the name and tells everyone now that his name is Liam . Liam , who speaks a fair bit of English , has connected so well with the group that he has become more than just a driver , he 's become a helper and translator at the orphanage . In the evening , the orphanage group attends the It Is Written Bible meetings at one of the churches . Of course Liam drives them there and instead of simply waiting in the van , he himself has started attending the meetings to the delight of everyone . Yesterday , Liam made a startling admission to one of the volunteers . He explained that a few weeks ago he had a dream that he thought nothing of at the time . In that dream he said that a group of people would give him a new name , an English - sounding name . In that dream he also saw the very logo that It Is Written uses . Wow ! If that doesn 't give you chills ? ! The God of Daniel chapter 2 who powerfully revealed the future in a dream is at work in the life of a young man in Mongolia . Please pray for Liam as we prayerfully continue to witness to him . One of our other drivers is also becoming very interested in what we are teaching from the Bible . We thought we came to minister to the poor , sick , and destitute of Mongolia , but maybe we actually came to minister to our drivers . God is good . This was supposed to be just another typical Mission : Mongolia trip . We planned for about 30 volunteer health professionals , working in three locations . God had other plans . We are now in Ulaanbaatar , Mongolia , with 66 volunteers who have traveled from the United States , Malaysia , Canada , and Switzerland - working in six locations ! Amazing ! Four of the locations are church sites in areas of the city of Ulaanbaatar where health needs are great . The fifth location is in an abandoned schoolhouse in a part of the city where local people simply shake their heads when asked about it - it 's where the poorest of the poor live . The last location is an orphanage where the younger members of our volunteer group are doing a children 's program . Sunday was our first day of action . The team dealt with the expected push - back from the enemy of God , whose desire is our failure . But by God 's grace and power , the first day 's challenges were overcome and everyone returned to the hotel with a tired smile on their face . My favorite part of the day is the evening when I get to listen to everyone 's stories . One story that particularly sticks in my mind is about how one of our physicians literally saved a little girl 's life . This little girl came in with her grandmother because she could not hear well from one ear . The doctor who saw her happened to be an ENT ( ear , nose , and throat doctor ) , and after a close look discovered a tumor beside her eardrum . He recognized it as a of rare tumor called cholesteatoma - and if left untreated will lead to meningitis and eventual death probably within a year . The grandmother , diagnosis in hand , was thus directed to immediately take the girl to the city hospital for the appropriate life - saving procedure . Everyone who visited our clinics was invited to our evening meetings that included wonderful music , a children 's story , health messages , and Jesus talks . It was a very long but great day for all . We can 't wait to see what blessings God has in store for us today ! On a cool April evening in Edinburgh , Scotland , I stood with a group of onlookers waiting patiently for a glimpse of Prince Charles , who was in the historic city attending a government function at St . Giles Cathedral . While doing my best to keep warm as the temperatures steadily edged downward , I struck up a conversation with a genial , gentle - looking local , who appeared to be in his early forties . There had recently been elections in Scotland and he told me he worked in Edinburgh , for the Scottish electoral commission . Religion has played an enormous role in Scotland 's history . Protestants battled against the teachings and authority of the Roman Catholic Church , and the church fought back with a vengeance . Martyrs perished within view of where I was standing . The great reformer , John Knox , born and raised just 40 miles east of Edinburgh - denounced the Queen of Scotland , railed against the unbiblical teachings of the Catholic Church and literally pounded the pulpit just meters away from where I was standing . Knox identified the Roman Catholic papacy as the antichrist of Bible prophecy and advocated that the Bible be the sole rule of faith and practice for Christian believers . Yet today only 50 percent of Scots even identify as Christian . Scotland is now a profoundly secular country . " Today , the church is more concerned with social matters . What the Bible says and how the Word of God applies to our lives and how people ought to live … It 's just not what the church majors in now . " " Yes , of course , " he shot back . " No question . But the church no longer has a distinct , biblical voice . In trying to reach the world it has become like the world . It no longer stands for anything . The church has stopped being the church . " As we talked it became apparent he was much less interested in seeing Prince Charles than was I . It turned out he was a Christian who attended a church not far from where we were standing . He described it as a church with a biblical focus , not extraordinarily well attended , but passionate about the Bible and fervent in faith in God . " There 's nothing more relevant than the Word of God , " he said . " And when the church deviates from that , and waters down the Bible 's teachings , and abandons the Bible 's plainest statements because it wants to appeal more to the world … Well , look at what has happened in Scotland . " I made notes about our conversation as soon as he moved along . I didn 't want to forget what he had said to me . I reflected on what he told me , and I had to conclude that he was right . In Scotland , and in many other places , the church has stopped being the church . And when it does that , it consigns itself to irrelevance and impotence . It 's true that when it comes to sharing the gospel , Scotland is a difficult territory - like the rest of Britain and the rest of Europe . And the rest of the modern world . And … But winning souls isn 't easy work and never has been . It wasn 't easy in the times of the early church , and with the devil at the top of his game , it shouldn 't be expected that it would be today . Yet it ought to be remembered that God hasn 't called the church to numerical success . He has called the church to faithfulness , and He has promised that as His people are faithful , " this gospel of the kingdom shall be preached in all the world , for a witness unto all nations ; and then shall the end come " ( Matthew 24 : 14 ) . E . M . Bounds wrote years ago , " The church is looking for better methods . God is looking for better men . " And while today we 'd express that sentiment in slightly different language , Bounds ' words hold true . We live in a world where people are distracted by so many things , many of them good . In much of our world , the Bible isn 't the go - to place for guidance about life . Jesus ' words aren 't the default standard for society . We 're in a serious battle with a skilled enemy for the souls of Earth 's inhabitants . But if we 're going to see God 's work done , the church cannot stop being the church . The Bible is still the answer to the challenges facing our world . It is as relevant now as it has ever been . The teachings of Jesus still provide the only logical understanding of where we come from , why we are here , and where we are going . There is still power in the Word of God . If the church compromises that , " Well , look at what has happened in Scotland . " The police controlling the crowd were extremely good - natured and bantered with the locals and tourists who were gathered . Prince Charles soon emerged from an imposing stone building and climbed into a waiting limousine . As the car drove away , Prince Charles looked at me and waved ! I 'll remember that . Before Jesus left the Earth , He commissioned His disciples to " make disciples of all nations , baptizing them in the name of the Father , and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit . " The church 's God - given mission is clear : Evangelism . Of course , evangelism takes on myriad forms . The definition of evangelism I receive when I googled the term was , " the spreading of the Christian gospel by public preaching or personal witness . " The word " evangelism " used today comes from a Greek word meaning " messenger " - the same Greek word from which we get the word " angel . " An " evangelist " in ancient times was a messenger who brought a message of victory or of some other political of personal message that brought joy . Looking at it through that lens , the meaning of our modern word evangelism becomes clear - and attractive . A recent It Is Written evangelism emphasis event - called Spark - in Arden , North Carolina , resulted in dozens of people in the local community requesting Bible studies . It Is Written Associate Speaker Eric Flickinger shared with church members about the difference one person can make in sharing Jesus with others . After It Is Written 's Spark training and the church service , more than 30 church members were trained specifically how to reach the community through door - to - door work . After dividing into teams they went into the community to practice what they had just learned . When they returned , they had exciting stories to tell . Kathy was amazed and encouraged that after only half an hour of door - knocking she had visited six homes and come away with four Bible studies . With an enormous smile on her face , she exclaimed , " I 'm hooked ! Can we do this again next week ? " Reflecting on the weekend , Pastor Eric Bates said , " It 's easy for us to compartmentalize and think that sharing Christ is better done by someone else - the pastor , an evangelist , or some other ' professional , ' or someone who is more extroverted than we are . What we learned during our weekend of hearing and doing is , all you need is a willingness to be used . God does the work . In fact , God 's been there before we even knock on the door and we are just a point of connection ; connecting God seekers with His Word and He does the rest . " In all , 11 teams went out into two territories on Sabbath afternoon . At the end of only 30 minutes of outreach , the church ended up with 24 new Bible studies , the possibility of a new outreach ministry , and a team of members who can 't wait to go out and do it again . And lest you think 24 Bible studies in 30 minutes was simply lightning in a bottle , similar events in Kennesaw , Georgia , and Chattanooga , Tennessee , on following weeks yielded similar results . In Chattanooga , 42 Bible studies were signed up in one hour . Churches energized and excited , and people receiving Bible studies . Religious freedom is easy to take for granted . In the western world you can read a Bible - or not - believe whatever you want about God and attend the church of your choice . Or no church at all . But it 's easy to forget just how much religious freedom cost . Recently , I was in St . Andrews , Scotland , filming an It Is Written television program , when I noticed the initials " P . H . " spelled out in cobblestones on a street . Many people who visit St . Andrews today do so in order to visit the famous St . Andrews golf course , considered to be the home of golf . The ruins of the St . Andrews cathedral and castle are also popular attractions , as well as the university itself - the place where Prince William met his wife , the Duchess of Cambridge , known then as Kate Middleton . Yet the story behind those cobblestones speaks to one of the most important gifts God has ever given the world . While studying in Paris , a young Scotsman named Patrick Hamilton was exposed to the teachings of Martin Luther . He returned to Catholic Scotland a few years later espousing the doctrines of the Reformation , and quickly found himself on the wrong side of the establishment . In 1527 , knowing he would be tried for heresy , Hamilton fled to Germany . But months later he returned to Scotland , and was soon summoned to appear before a Catholic council . Hamilton attended the council having been assured his life was in no danger ; but that assurance was worth little . Archbishop James Beaton had Patrick Hamilton executed , burned at the stake outside St . Salvatore 's Chapel at the University of St . Andrews . A third of a mile from St . Salvatore 's Chapel - and the location of Patrick Hamilton 's demise - are the ruins of St . Andrews castle , and more initials paved into the ground . The GW visible on East Scores Street marks the spot on which Cambridge - educated George Wishart was hanged and burned at the stake by the same Catholic Archbishop responsible for the death of Hamilton . Wishart was only 33 - years - old when he was put to death . Like Hamiton , he was executed for his Protestant faith , and his unwillingness to yield his conscience to the dictates of the ruling ( Catholic ) church . What 's interesting about Wishart is that he knew all there was to know about Hamilton and his gruesome death . Even though Hamilton 's initials weren 't paved into the ground at that time , Wishart knew exactly where and how and why Hamilton died . Yet he didn 't back away even slightly from his commitment to the Bible . While there are parts of the world where to be a Christian means to risk your life , in the western world being a Christian rarely means even being inconvenienced . In many places being a Christian is a positively good thing , even helpful for one 's reputation or standing in the community . In the West , we don 't know the persecution some are going through . Faith doesn 't cost nearly as much as it cost Hamilton and Wishart . as Christian . While tourists flock to Edinburgh , Scotland 's capital , and walk the streets once walked by the great reformer John Knox , it seems little thought is given to matters of faith . A small , raised , round platform - a monument to martyrs not far from St Giles ' Cathedral - is located close enough to bars and restaurants that it serves mainly as a congregating point for drinkers and revelers . Early on Sunday morning when I left Edinburgh , the monument was littered with beer bottles and covered with paint . Close to that monument is Greyfriars Church , where the Scottish Covenanters made a bold stand for their biblical faith and where not many years later a large number of Protestants were imprisoned . Many were executed . Others were sent away into slavery . Reminders of the battle for religious freedom stand witness to the great opportunities we have - and so often waste - to use religious freedom for the best possible purposes . Your religious freedom was purchased at an enormous cost . According to the Bible , there is coming a time when religious freedom won 't exist . Today , God isn 't calling many people in the West to die for Him . But He calls everyone to live for Him . More than 80 people were killed less than a week ago when a deranged man drove a large truck into a crowd gathered to enjoy the Bastille Day fireworks celebration in the South of France . The randomness of the attack - a truck ? families out enjoying a fireworks display ? - introduces a whole new level of " what in the world ? " to the madness the world is enduring as terrorists kill and maim indiscriminately . And when reports surfaced a couple of days ago that three police officers had been killed in Baton Rouge … I can 't imagine I 'm the only person who thought , " Is this ever going to end ? " Politicians certainly know what to say . " We will not let this prevent us from going about our daily lives . " Which is fine for those who still have a daily life to go about . After San Bernardino politicians said , " We must stop gun violence now , " and that gun violence " must stop . " Of course , that approach will usually work for parents trying to convince their three - year - old not to draw on the walls of the living room . But gun violence ? Following the killing of five policemen in Dallas , Texas , at a protest march , everyone near a microphone or a Twitter feed spoke up and said exactly what you 'd expect . An actress : " We must love even harder . A politician : " We must learn to love each other . " Al Sharpton : " We must be against all killings period ! " Another actress : " Please everyone stop killing each other . " Many spoke out strongly against the killing of police , saying that even the tragic deaths witnessed in Baton Rouge , Louisiana , and St . Paul , Minnesota , did not justify taking the lives of our dedicated men and women in blue . In the meantime , believers ponder the best course of action . Is joining a protest line going to change anything at all ? Well , it just might . Is tweeting a pithy comment about racism or hate or crime or policing going to make a difference ? Maybe . That 's possible . Can the president actually say anything that is going to affect the wider situation for the better ? We hope . His call for people to " temper our words and open our hearts " was the sort of comment a president is remembered for years later , and his assertion that " we 're going to have to keep on doing it again and again and again " 2was a statement that realistically portrays the complexity of the journey from nation divided to a nation united . But really ? Really , the only hope for a people or a nation is to petition the God of heaven to intervene . Even though tweets claiming " our thoughts and prayers are with the people / police / families of X at this time " are ubiquitous 3 , prayer simply is the best hope for humanity in its battle against the tide of evil . Which is not to say prayer is a replacement for protests and politics and policing . A call to prayer is not a call to inaction . When dynamic faith in God undergirds personal and public action it brings power and transformation . The God who hears prayer doesn 't respond in silence . Prayer is frequently answered with a call to action . A crowd of people who pray before ( or while ) protesting is unlikely to engage in mindless violence . An angry man who prays is not a man who will take a gun and shoot defenseless individuals . A police officer who prays in the line of duty may well hear God 's Spirit urging him or her to not pull the trigger when the situation doesn 't warrant the use of such force . Our lands need healing . Human hearts need the healing touch of God . And any attempt at bringing the country or the world to any semblance of normality and unity is doomed to fail if not sustained by a commitment to pray and a surrender to God . While this earth will never be heaven and although troubles will continue until Jesus returns , it is only faith in Christ will see His Spirit break through the forces of darkness that are wreaking havoc in homes and communities across the country and around the world . When we pray God will hear . When He hears , we will act . And people who act under the aegis of God 's Spirit are not people who will perpetuate killing , hate , racism and violence . Airport security measures and heavily armed police on the streets of New York City on the Fourth of July tell us that yes , life has changed here . Less obvious measures tell us the same thing . And there won 't be any going back . I 've never figured out what " sending out prayers at this time " even means . Can you do that ? " Send out prayers " to someone ? I think not , actually . " A leader in my church has a serious , personal sin that I don 't think anyone else knows about . Is it my responsibility to tell someone ? Or do I keep quiet ? " When dealing with the sins of others we should never take it lightly . The motive for pursuing such a course would be to save someone from the foreboding , eternal consequences of their sin ( John 3 : 17 ; Romans 6 : 23 ) . Jesus gives the prescription for dealing with another 's sin . He first tells us to " take the plank out of your own eye and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother 's eye " ( Matthew 7 : 5 ) . When we are right before God we are better able to represent Him in delicate matters like this . In Matthew 18 : 15 Jesus tells the person being wronged , or in a case like yours , the only one who knows about the sin , to " go and show him his fault , just between the two of you . " This approach is in keeping with the Golden Rule ( Luke 6 : 31 ) , not needlessly exposing a person to public shame . There may be several reasons why it would not be appropriate to go to someone alone . In this case " take one or two others along " ( v . 16 ) . The motives of those taken should be the same as those mentioned above . A caring , loving appeal will increase the chances of repentance taking place ( Revelation 2 : 5 ) . Then , if the person still refuses to repent , it is time to " tell it to the church , " to make one more appeal to help them see their sin ( Matthew 18 : 17 ) . About a week into the meetings , my translator pointed to a tall suited man sitting on the first row and said , " See that man there ? He 's been coming every night since the meetings began . He has not been back to church since the genocide . " When the pastor heard the attackers coming , he and his wife and daughter knelt down to pray . They were killed as they prayed and their house set on fire . This man who was attending my meetings every night was their son . He had seen the commotion when he was at the top of the hill , but by the time he got there , his parents were dead and the house was on fire . This man , the son , was so distraught after the murder of his family that he 'd never returned to church and said that his own brethren had betrayed him . Many Hutus defended Tutsi people during the genocide . Most church members condemned this act , but the man had refused to set foot inside a church and had even gone a little mad , shooting at any church member who ventured near his house ( always missing , thankfully ) . So when our meetings started , it was the first time he 'd attended a church gathering . I think God uses anything He has , and I believe the initial reason he came was that I was an outsider , neither a Hutu or a Tutsi . He was willing to listen and the Lord was working on his heart . The final day of the meetings he again was on the front row , and I felt compelled to say something about forgiveness . I was afraid to and struggled because we had been told not to address the genocide , but I couldn 't let it go . My translator told me to be very careful not to show that I was taking sides or favoring one side , because both sides still have issues . So even though I was shaking in my boots ( shoes ) , I said I wanted to say a few words about forgiveness , because there seems to be a misconception about what that means . When God forgives us , it 's a gift He gives us . He cleanses us and gives us eternal life . But when we forgive others , it 's a gift we give to ourselves . It is not dependent on the merits or worthiness of the offender . Forgiveness is for the victim because they deserve to be free from the burden they are carrying . Then I went right into the subject on heaven , which was the regularly scheduled program . At the end , I thought I would make one last call . Every night we 'd been making calls for Jesus and for baptism , and I thought by now there was nobody left to come forward . But when I made the call for anyone who had yet not made a decision , three men came forward and I shook their hands . I then said that I didn 't want to stretch the call because it was already late in the day , but if there was anyone else , to please come forward . This man jumped out of his seat and came to the front . I went to shake his hand , but he just grabbed me and gave me a huge embrace and then started shaking my hand with both of his and wouldn 't let go . There was so much joy and enthusiasm in his face but he was talking to me in his local language and I couldn 't understand anything . My translator was trying to translate , but he wouldn 't wait and kept talking ! The crowd was feeling the emotion of this moment and they were smiling and waving their hands and saying " Amen ! " Then this man asked for the microphone and said he wanted to give his testimony . He said , " I am back , I want to tell all of you that I am coming back to the church . Many of you know my story , but today I 'm coming back to Jesus and to you . " That incident moved me very much , and I realize experiences like this have multiplied a hundred fold these last two weeks in Rwanda . God not only did great things for this dear man , but He also did great things for me . I was the most blessed of all . Connie Vandeman Jeffery , George 's Vandeman 's daughter grew up knowing Marilyn Cotton . " I praise God for Marilyn 's legacy of generosity and love , " Connie told me . " I praise God for her influence on my own life , for her humble , gracious witness - through words , through actions , through song . She has left footprints on our hearts and lives . " When my children were little we visited many zoos . At one point , we counted that my son had been to 37 , and since then the number has increased . So it 's no surprise that from an early age he knew that the scientific name for the lion is Panthera leo , and that the scientific name for the western lowland gorilla - Harambe 's kind - is Gorilla gorilla gorilla . Which we both thought was a pretty cool scientific name . Western lowland gorillas never gave us a lot of trouble during our zoo years ( which aren 't entirely over , incidentally ) . Except for one time at the absolutely magnificent Henry Doorly Zoo in Omaha , Nebraska , when a fully - grown male silverback rushed to the thick glass window in his enclosure and pounded on it as my wife approached . It about scared the life out of her . We don 't know what it was that agitated him , but we saw first hand that you don 't want to get on the wrong side of a gorilla . I certainly wouldn 't have wanted to be on the other side of that glass . Several days ago a four - year - old boy got onto the other side of the glass , as it were . The story seems to be that he told his mother he was going to get into the moat around the gorilla enclosure . Naturally enough she told him he would do no such thing , and then - naturally enough - she was distracted by other children , according to reports . In that minute - more than enough time for a four - year - old - the boy slipped away into the gorilla enclosure . Anyone who knows four - year - olds can imagine it happening . Boy meets gorilla . Similar things have happened in the past and the outcomes have been , on occasion , remarkable and touching . Gorillas have been known to protect children who have fallen into their enclosures . Wouldn 't it be wonderful had that happened in Cincinnati ? Well , some people think that 's exactly what happened , saying Harambe appeared to be protecting the four - year - old boy . However , wildlife expert Jack Hanna said , " The power this animal has is beyond comprehension . They 're a magnificent creature . There 's no doubt in my mind that that child would not be here today if they hadn 't made that decision at the Cincinnati Zoo . " 1 Some said , he said . Predictably - this being the age of excoriation and condemnation - a mass of people have criticized and castigated both the mother of the child and the Cincinnati Zoo2 . The mother should never had allowed her child to get into the gorilla enclosure - you don 't say ? - and the zoo should never , ever have taken the life of the beautiful silverback . But putting blame aside - if we could - let 's remember what that situation was . A child appeared to be in danger . Grave danger . What zoo official would have decided to try to convince Harambe to turn the child over , and then hope for the best ? There 's no way in the world that decision could have been made . If it was - and if today the internet was aflame with video of a massive gorilla tearing a child apart - we 'd all be traumatized and angry beyond description . A decision had to be made between two individuals : a 400 - pound gorilla and a 35 - pound boy . The child 's survival was paramount . The decision was made that the gorilla had to die . Ghastly . But once the boy went into the enclosure : unavoidable . Harambe died so a four - year - old could live . The response ? In many quarters , outrage . The death of animals can be hard to take . A zoo in Copenhagen euthanized a healthy giraffe in 20143 and there was what CNN described as widespread outrage . 4 This is because animals are remarkable . They are masterpieces of creation . I 've experienced the indescribable joy of holding a young Kiwi bird in my hands5 , I 've walked with lions , and I 've ridden among impala , giraffes and zebras . The idea of killing a healthy , magnificent , powerful , majestic gorilla ? Ouch . No wonder people are upset . But , as cold as it read when reported in the news , accidents - in the words of the unfortunate boy 's mother - happen . Once the child crossed that line ? Game over for Harambe - there was no other way . But a gorilla being killed as a result of human … distraction ? People get angry over that . Outraged . Six thousand years ago , two people who knew better ate from a tree they were told was absolutely out of bounds . Once they did there was no going back in terms of the plan of salvation . Once Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit , the death of Jesus was assured . Not the death of a gorilla . The . Death . Of . The . Son . Of . God . In addition , it wasn 't ' forced ' by a God who gave bad news to His Son and told Him that , sorry , there was just no other way . Jesus " gave Himself " ( 1 Timothy 2 : 6 ) . 1 John 3 : 16 says Jesus " laid down His life for us . " Because two people made the incredibly irresponsible , careless , reckless decision to eat a piece of fruit they were explicitly told they should not consume , Jesus - the Creator of the world ( John 1 : 3 ) - died . It wasn 't just that He died . He was crucified , a method of execution designed to cause as much pain as possible . Cruel and unusual punishment to the max . You 'll recall the death of Cecil the lion , killed by an American hunter on July 1 in 2015 outside Hwange National Park in Zimbabwe . While in Zimbabwe this past March , I asked several people from varying walks of life about Cecil 's death . They told me it barely registered in Zimbabwe . The internet was almost burnt down owing to the heat of the outrage over the death of that poor lion , but the locals didn 't lose any sleep at all . While the issues are complicated - hunting , money , conservation , employment , the ethics of the manner in which Cecil was killed - what was clear is that people all over the world were livid Cecil had been killed . By a hunter . Who had paid a lot of money for the " privilege . " However , what amused one Zimbabwean friend of mine was that - in his words - while Cecil was one ( beautiful , and old ) lion , and while the internet hemorrhaged after his death , the lion population in Africa is plunging dramatically . My friend told me that a man in Kenya who farmed six goats recently poisoned eight lions to protect his livelihood . Think about that for a moment . A Zambian government minister was reported as saying that , " the West seemed more concerned with the welfare of a lion in Zimbabwe than of Africans themselves . In Africa , a human being is more important than an animal . I don 't know about the Western world . " 6 Harambe 's death reminds me that there 's another bigger point being missed . While the world is livid over the very unfortunate death of an animal , there 's a real , bonafide , genuine tragedy of immense proportions being ignored . The Son of God died a needless death on a cross two thousand years ago . He shouldn 't have had to , but He did because of the selfish actions of two people who couldn 't keep out of what they shouldn 't have been into . Fortunately there 's a massive silver lining . Just as Harambe 's death secured the survival of a four - year - old boy , Jesus ' death made possible the eternal life of an entire planet . All seven billion people alive on Earth today can live eternally if they wish to because Jesus laid down His life . © 2004 - 2017 It Is Written 's Blog , It Is Written , Inc . All rights reserved . It Is Written is a registered trademark of It Is Written , Inc .
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Everyone is buzzing about ordering their holiday cards . You know what - this is not something to stress over . Pick a card . A CHEAP card for goodness sake , there are so many other things to spend your money on during the holiday season . They look just as beautiful as those pricey cards . . With that said , we are going with Snapfish , thanks to a deal on Groupon . We also took our own photo , while taking a walk on our neighborhood trail . No reason to hire a professional ! My husband propped the camera up , set the self timer , and of course it took a few tries to get both kids to look at the camera , but we got one ! Yesterday was my hubby 's birthday ! He 's thirty two . THIRTY TWO . When did we get to be in our thirties ? ? Ahem , I 'm not there yet . . . but I will be next summer . Wah ! I can 't believe I 've known this man since he was eighteen years old . In a way , we have grown up together . We graduated college together , moved , went to medical school in a brand new state , moved again for residency . . . popping out two kids along the way . It 's so crazy when you think about it , all the changes we have gone through together . He worked the night before so after sleeping all morning he woke up to pick up his birthday gift - Guitar Hero Live . We had lots of fun singing and dancing and pretending to know what we were doing with a guitar . . ( mostly me ) . Miss A and I finished up his cake , complete with colorful sprinkles and neon candles . If you 're looking for a great homemade cake recipe , this really is one of the best chocolate cakes I 've ever had . And I say that as I sit here writing , sipping coffee , and stealing bites of what 's left in front of me . We headed to a very early dinner - parked outside our favorite sushi place right at five o ' clock and scarfed down rolls and fried rice . I steamed up some butternut squash for J to snack on while we were there and he LOVED it . He sat in a high chair for the first time at a restaurant and did so well . Better than his sister ever did , that 's for sure . Miss A tried her very first sushi rolls , devouring them , along with the shrimp that was nestled inside the fried rice . Girlfriend is going to be a foodie , I was so proud of her ! When we got home , I rushed to put J to bed and then we sang " Happy Birthday " and ate some cake . Glorious cake . We finished off the night by watching a new Netflix series , Jessica Jones . If I didn 't have to go to bed so early , we would 've kept watching long into the night , it was really good ! My husband said it was a great birthday - having kids really makes everything so much more fun and exciting . Until next year ! Today was a day I wanted to throw in the towel . We had three , THREE wasps in our home . The first one I found right after scooping J off the floor . It was sitting there , not moving , but very much alive . We had wasps last week . . . one , or two , appearing in the family room . I was at a loss ; I have no idea how they are coming in . Trying to get a wasp with two kids in the house = no bueno . Our pest company came by to take a look , but there was no nest on our property , and there isn 't much to do but spray around the house . Apparently this is common for this time of year . . . but we 've never had this problem before ! I 'm over it . I had to lock up both kids in their rooms when the second wasp was buzzing around our kitchen . It would not STOP and I was getting so nervous with them downstairs with me . Then , a third one appeared , and I thought I might lose it . You might find me in a corner with bug spray , rocking back and forth . . . I 'm not a bug person , I really don 't like them . But wasps . . . wasps . . . that 's a different story . In my house . With two kids ? ! Just no . The cold weather needs to settle in and get rid of them all . Before the wasp fiasco , our day started off so well . Both kids slept till almost seven and breakfast went smoothly . J is in a weird phase with food right now . He doesn 't want purees , but he doesn 't always eat finger foods . Last night I gave him steamed peas and he enjoyed them for a while and then started to play , marveling at how he could scoop them off his tray and land them in his lap . This morning he took a few bites of yogurt and ate some banana , a success . I don 't know if he 's becoming a picky eater or if he 's teething ( still no signs of teeth here ! ) but it is frustrating sometimes trying to get him to eat . Days like today make it really hard to enjoy the kids . I 'm trying really hard to be present , more in the moment , with them both . I know I pay more attention to J - he needs to be fed , changed , carried , and I forget that Miss A still needs me too . She 's so independent , which is great and a huge help , yet I feel guilty when we 're sitting at the table and I 've barely spoken a word to her because all my attention is on J . She has started to say , " look at me " when she 's talking to me or asking a question . That makes me feel like I don 't pay enough attention to her . . . that I don 't see her . I 'm vowing to put down my phone , or make J wait , to leave behind the dishes and take a moment . To really look at her . She 's growing so fast . Her beautiful big eyes are always watching me inquisitively . She asks so many questions , all the time . I love it , yet I know I need to actually answer her , teach her . With Christmas coming up soon we had a talk about giving away some of her toys . I explained that there are many children who do not have many toys , or any toys at all . We went through her toys together and she set aside some to donate . When my husband heard about it , she was so excited to tell him , " I 'm going to make other kids happy ! " I want her to be giving . I want her to be appreciative of what she has . She is one blessed little girl with grandparents who love and adore her and spoil her . I know that 's hard to teach at such a young age , but I 'm a firm believer that you can start teaching anything , at any time . Children understand more than we think they do . We were driving home today after seeing a friend , it was late , the sun was starting to set . Miss A looked out the window and said , " Look Mommy , there was an orange explosion ! " The sky was a multitude of colors ; red , orange , and purple . So beautiful . She was amazed . Moments like that remind me to take a breather even when it 's been a stressful day . I don 't want to forget how she sees the world right now , so innocent and pure . One . I 'm ready to for the holiday season . So ready . Christmas shopping , making the kids wishlists , searching for Christmas outfits . . . which I purchased last month , on Zulily . I still need their outfits for Christmas Eve , but I snatched a jumper for J as soon as I saw it and a red plaid dress for A for Christmas Day . I literally squealed when both came in , they actually match , which I didn 't realize or plan when I bought them . So naturally , I 'm really excited for Christmas photos by the tree now ! Two . I haven 't forgotten about Thanksgiving , which I am also really excited for . Our first Thanksgiving with two kids and we will be spending it in our own home , with both sets of grandparents . I could not ask for anything more ! I 'm going to be make the entire feast ( with some help from the store ) and will base it off of last year 's menu since it was all SO stinking good . Including the best chocolate pie I 've ever had . . . Three . We have some big news . BIG . This will be our last fall , our last winter , our last time celebrating Thanksgiving in our home because . . . we are moving . We Are Moving ! ! My husband officially accepted a job in Florida . We will be moving to Tampa ! The end of residency is neigh ! I seriously can 't believe it . Unfortunately there are still many months to go , but just knowing we are almost there , makes me so happy . We move in the summer , back to our home state , back to warm weather and sunny blue skies . I 'm so excited ! I absolutely love living in North Carolina and I know as the date gets closer we will have many bittersweet emotions about leaving . Yet , we will be closer to family , we will have access to so many fun things for the kids , and holidays , birthdays will be so much easier . I 'm so grateful . Four . Every now and then , as a stay - at - home mom , I miss contributing to our home , in other ways than cooking and cleaning . I 'm looking for something to keep me occupied , something that would not take time away from the kids , but would help me fulfill that missing aspect of life and bring in a little income . I 'm sure many of you understand what I 'm talking about . I can 't seem to find what I 'm looking for , whether it be writing , or working on social media , tutoring . . any ideas ? Five . I can 't get over how quickly my babies are growing . I know A isn 't a baby anymore , but how and when do you stop calling your first a baby ? ? Even as a pet name , I still do . She is so tall suddenly , her pants are getting shorter ( even though I just bought three new pairs a month ago ! ) and her hair is longer , her face is changing . I love and hate it at the same time . She is her own little person nowadays and her personality is shining through . I love that we can talk now , have a good conversation , laugh together , be happy in each other 's company . She is the sweetest , most loving little girl . And J is just . . . gah , I 'm smitten , crazy obsessed with him . I swear this morning it sounded like he said " Mama " and I almost died . Miss A said her first word Hiding out under her fort on a rainy day Halloween was an absolute blast . Definitely my favorite one so far ! Miss A is at that perfect age to understand what 's going on and to be SO excited . Our Halloween festivities began early , with a pumpkin painting play date on Thursday with all our friends . Friday morning was her preschool parade and party , which I volunteered for and was able to attend . Cue big happy tears and smiles watching her wave by as she walked with her class . My dad was visiting and she shouted , " Hi Grandpa ! Hi Mama ! " Ah . Seriously the best . After the parade , we went inside to set up for the class party . I made cheese broom sticks and sugar cookies . The other mom made Clementine pumpkins and apple mouths with marshmallows . I love festive food ! J received lots of attention from her classmates . Everyone crowded around him , squealing at the sight of a baby . I loved watching A in her classroom , with her teachers , with her friends . It made me so happy to see how much she loves school . On Halloween morning we carved our pumpkin with Daddy . Better late than never ! A asked for a kitty pumpkin and we happened to have the perfect creepy cat template . We duh our hands in , pulled out all the seeds , set them aside in a bowl to roast later . Last year A did not want anything to do with cleaning out the pumpkin . Funny how things change . In the afternoon we went to the park for a bit to kill some time , then headed back home to change into costumes , take pictures , and get a batch of chili going for after trick or treat . A had an absolute blast going up and down our neighbor 's doors . Not the least bit shy , she rang doorbells , reached for candy , and excitedly ran down to tell us what she got . Thankfully no creepy costumes scared her away this time . I had to leave half way through to put J down for the night , and they were able to hit at least ten more houses before coming back home to pass out candy . We went through all our bags - so happy I bought as much as I did , seeing as she was very generous with our treaters . : ) The three of us sat on the porch steps , eating chili , handing out candy . It was perfect . It was what I 've always dreamed Halloween would be like . Our costumes were assigned to us a month ago - by Miss A , of course . We checked out a superhero book from the library one day and she LOVED it . I had already starting asking her what she wanted to be for Halloween around that time and she said she wanted to be Wonder Woman , I was going to be Catwoman , J Superman , and Daddy would be Batman ! Well , we were all set to find her Wonder Woman costume when we saw this bright , shiny pink Supergirl one at Target . No surprise , she choose Supergirl over Wonder Woman , which we loved ! My costume didn 't turn out exactly how I planned - the mask was bigger than I hoped , so it may not have been clear that I was Catwoman . ; ) Mom costume . No skintight leather suit for me ! Welcome to my little space ! Here you 'll find me talking about my two crazy kids and wonderful husband as we venture through life together as a family of four . View my complete profile Our precious baby girl is two months old ! So much has changed over the past two months I can hardly believe it . She really is a different ba . . . I don 't have words to tell you how amazing these pork chops are . I don 't even really like pork chops . They always come out dry . Or h . . . This week I 'm starting something new - So What Wednesday . I 'm not sure what direction this blog is going to take . Primarily it will . . .
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Who doesn 't love writing the opening to a new story ? It 's like the first , heady rush of falling in love . I 'm writing a short contemporary that 's been in my head for a while , and it will serve as alternative gear switch when I 'm not working on my New Adult work . No details to share yet , as I 'm still learning the characters , but I will have a few snippets for you once I 've laid the groundwork . I host guests right here on my blog , and you don 't even need to be an author ! If you are an author , fantastic ! Just contact me for my short and sweet questionnaire , and be ready to provide a book cover , author photo , and links where readers can purchase your work . If you are an environmental activist , I 'd love to hear from you , too . I 've had a long break since finishing FIRE , and it 's been extremely helpful in resetting my creative energy . I 'll be on vacation from my day job during the holiday season , and I think that will be an ideal time to soak up some real R & R before going back to my newest project in earnest . Let 's hope 2016 is bursting with ideas ! It 's been a whirlwind month for me , with doctor and dentist appointments for the whole family , as well as a couple of illnesses for me which were pretty heinous for a while , there ! I am glad to be able to take a rest . You may have noticed my posts have been fewer since June . I 'm not ignoring you , honest ! It 's just been good to recharge . It 's also a good time to look back on the year and realize how far I 've come in my writing . I can 't believe I 've finished off the Elemental Series . ( Look for FIRE in 2016 . When I have a release date , I 'll announce it here ! ) I had some great guest blogs , here and at other sites , and amazing book signings where I met some really cool people . It gets me excited about writing all over again ! What about you ? Sit down for a few minutes and think about your year , and I 'll bet you 've done a lot more than you thought ! Have a great holiday season , everyone . This one touched a nerve . As one of the " out crowd " in grade school , I can say that being excluded from things DID hurt , but it taught me to face adversity ( of which there is no shortage even after graduation ) . It stung when I was picked on for how I dressed ( not glamorous ) and because I was already very shy . Imagine being painfully shy , and getting teased or bullied . That doesn 't exactly foster an outgoing attitude . Even my friends would tease me for being so shy . That was even worse . To the picked - on and bullied kids ( not just girls ) , I say this : You can get past these people . It 's hard . It 's damn hard . I ignored it for YEARS , or stuffed it down in a box . I waited it out , and it sucked . I developed a thick skin , and it sucked . In fact , it 's one of the reasons I write . Art is a good vent for all that suck . Just keep getting up and being you , in spite of everyone else , because one day , all that suck won 't matter so much , and what 's left is what you made of yourself . To the bullies , I say this : Stop talking and use your ears . Use your head . Use your courage . I know you 're scared to stand out . I know you 're scared to be the one person who doesn 't go along with everyone else who piles on the unpopular kid . Use your popularity to change minds instead of destroying someone . It matters . It matters even more to KEEP TRYING to be that person . To the parents , I say this : Your first and foremost obligation to this child you brought into the world is to teach him or her to be a good human being . Anything less than that most crucial of lessons is a disservice to your child , because it 's the only way to be sure they will truly be , not popular , but LOVED . Bullying stops with one person , the only one whose actions you can control : you . Like most writers , I am a natural introvert . It 's ironic , really . We are hardwired to be shy of people - more comfortable in front of our computers - while writing books about people and relationships . So , what do we know about relationships ? Well , we observe . I love to people watch . I love people , even if I am ( still ) a natural introvert . Their lives and stories fascinate me . Even something as simple as what they wear or what they 're carrying can tell a story about them . And I love books , so I enjoy hearing what they have to say about a favorite read . And you know what ? Book signings are really just an opportunity to talk to people about something writers already adore : books ! So I found I already had something in common with visitors to signings , and that they might teach me something about an author I haven 't discovered yet . Today , Maggie offered us a look at the Three - Act Structure , which is how popular films are formatted . How is this helpful to writers ? Well , we often look to the film industry for tips on structuring the perfect read , because let 's face it : those blockbuster movie makers must be on to something . The Three - Act Structure is nothing new . Imagine a movie or book divided into four equal parts , called One , Two A , Two B , and Three . Part One is 25 % of your book and involves the stages of story setup . Parts Two A and Two B are 50 % , essentially the " middle chunk " of your book , and involve the characters ' struggles and major turning points . This middle ends in your black moment , when all is lost for your characters . Part Three is the final 25 % , involving the final push and overall climax of your book , when your characters triumph over the odds . It also wraps it up neatly by showing your characters with their rewards in the changed world of the story . We love to use movies as examples for how to structure a book , too , because they 're such a wonderful shorthand , and many of us have watched the movies in question . For romance writers , what better movie could be suited to the purpose than " Romancing the Stone ? " Maggie illustrated how beautifully this movie conforms to the Three - Act Structure , including the climactic twists and turns that lead the characters through their adventures . You can actually time the acts at the correct points in the film ! If you are a romance writer and haven 't seen this movie , you really should ( and it 's hilarious , too ! ) . Even if you don 't write romance , watch it for a great example of this type of structure . While I was familiar with the Three - Act Structure , it was wonderful to see it presented clearly and enthusiastically by Maggie Shayne . Maggie loves her craft , and it shows . I came home with fresh perspectives on my current WIP , and I hope you 've learned something from my post here . Happy writing ! Posted by Since finishing FIRE , I 've had a remarkably quiet summer - at least where writing is concerned . Only lately have I been dabbling in my new project . As a result , I 've spent most of the season " refilling the well , " a writer 's term for not writing in order to recharge his or her batteries . It has been exquisite ! Not only am I doing other artsy things ( painting , gardening , cooking / baking , etc . ) but I am gathering scenes and ideas in the back of my head for my new book . I had forgotten how much good it does a writer 's soul to step back from her project and just be . I 've given myself until the official start of fall to take my break ( even though the stores have already begun doling out pumpkin everything ) . After fall begins , it 's back to business . Today , I did something I haven 't done in quite some time : took a walk behind my mother 's house , around the lake and into the woods . It was amazing . I had forgotten how beautiful and peaceful it can be . Just the smell of the woods alone is worth the walk ! Before I started out , I found an enormous black dragonfly on the driveway . He must have been sunning himself ! He didn 't even seem to mind me sticking my face in at him to take a photo . He was almost as big as my hand ! This is what " refilling the well " is all about . How I missed those trees ! It was a long walk , but I feel refreshed , and I 'm fairly certain I 'm going to sleep like a rock tonight . * deep sigh * For someone who isn 't crazy about driving , I have a bit of a thing for old cars . Summer in Central NY is awesome for classic cars , because every summer , we have the Syracuse Nationals , which is the biggest car show in the Northeastern U . S . Every summer , we are set upon by amazing rides from all over the country . Our hotels and motels are filled up , and even if you don 't go to the Nationals , you 're gonna see a car show at every parking lot , gas station , and ice cream stand in Central New York . And every summer , I look for my favorite , which is the ' 63 split - window Corvette Stingray . Now , that car is beauty on wheels . And I know you car aficionados will gasp with horror when I say it , but if I could drop a newer , more fuel - efficient transmission into one of those babies , you bet your butt I 'd do it , and drive it loud and proud . They just don 't make cars as pretty as that anymore . There was also a pretty awesome old fire engine there , which I thought was cool . I love anything from the 20 's up to the 60 's . After that , while I might think it 's a pretty car , I lose interest . I also have a thing for European styles : Maybe one of my favorite things about old cars is that they put a story in my head . For instance , there was this one , a 1963 Volkswagen Karmann Ghia . The owner had helpfully added all the accessories that made it an instant story for me . Can you imagine a character who 'd drive one of these , complete with surfboard , cooler , and picnic basket for a day at the beach ? Fell in love instantly , and started forming storylines . Well , it 's been quite the learning curve , but I 'm thrilled to say I now have an brand - new , mobile - friendly website for viewing on all devices ! I 've been hand - coding my own website for a while now , and I know enough to be dangerous . . . but responsive web design was something new for me , and at first it was rather frustrating to try to get it right . Now that I think I have the kinks worked out , you can see my new site in all its resizable glory : Responsive websites are just that : they respond accordingly for optimal display , no matter what device you use to view them . Test it out by viewing my website on your desktop , tablet , or phone , and you 'll find that it 's comfortably readable at any size . You can even change your browser window 's size or go from portrait to landscape orientation on your handheld , and the site will re - flow for the best view . It 's really quite impressive how far web design has come in just the past few years . Who knows where it 'll go next ? I 'm thrilled to be going to a book signing on Saturday , July 25th at the Lewis County Fair in Lowville , NY . Love books ( especially romance ) ? This is your chance to meet me and my fellow romance author , Regina Edwards - Drumm , and get a book personally autographed ! I 'll be there from 10 : 00 AM to 5 : 00 PM , and I hope to meet you there ! In addition to some wonderful romance reads , we 'll be offering raffle prizes ! Regina is donating a " Night of Romance " gift basket , and I am donating " The Elementals Jewelry Set , " a one - of - a - kind , handmade necklace and earring set , pictured above . Proceeds from the raffle benefit the Lowville Free Library . These terrific prizes are only available by raffle at the Lewis County Fair , so we hope you 'll come and see what it 's all about ! By the time I finish writing a book , I am usually pretty burnt - out . This year , I have the extraordinary luck to not be burnt - out , and to be looking forward to my next book . I have enjoyed every hill and valley on my learning curve , and am very proud of how far my writing has come since beginning this madness some five years ago . Six books later , and with FIRE waiting in the wings , I have now reached the point where I can say : I 'm pretty jazzed - up about this one , and you heard it here first : the new series will be in the New Adult genre , a departure from my current focus in romance and paranormal romance . I plan to continue writing romance , but for the foreseeable future , my focus will be on this series . It 's all very hush - hush until I have the basics ironed out , but rest assured , I will let you know all the news once I have something to share . I hope you 'll be as excited as I am about this new series , and I promise not to keep you waiting too long ! If there 's a place you want to be on the Fourth of July , it 's Fort Ticonderoga . It was amazing to witness how people lived during the founding of the United States , from what they ate , to how they dressed , to how they slept and fought . The raising of the colors , to the music from the Fife & Drum Corps , actually gave me chills . The original fort was mainly earthworks . The stone was added much later . Still , it boasts one of the most beautiful vistas I 've ever seen , of New York 's Adirondacks and Vermont 's Green Mountains . If that isn 't enough to impress you , take a walk through the King 's Garden , modeled after 18th century military gardens . The walled garden was part of a project in the early 1900 's by the wealthy Pell family , to restore and preserve the property . It must have been even more beautiful back in the day . Ethan has been quite a challenge . I enjoyed " watching " him work out his troubles , and Gypsy is the perfect foil for his broodiness . Sometimes my characters surprise me , and I was pleased to find that under Ethan 's hard shell - way under it - was a soft heart . I look forward to sharing this book with you . Until then , check out the other books in The Elemental Series and catch up on the foster siblings of Hope Creek ! Today is Father 's Day , and also the first day of summer ! Celebrate the fathers and father figures who make your life special today , whether it 's taking them out to dinner or spending some quality time at home ( and what better way to kick off summer than to grill something for them , for a change ? LOL ) . Hi all ! I 'm excited to introduce author Diana Rubino , whose book BOOTLEG BROADWAY went on sale today . Isn 't this cover just amazing ? Let 's get right to the interview . I wrote short stories as a kid , and realized I loved creating characters and putting them in situations - - or messes - - and wondering how they 'd get out them . But somehow they always did ! I wrote my first novel at age 24 , which , like nearly every first novel , was very autobiographical , and I 'm so glad it never got published ! 2 ) What interests or excites you most about your genre ( s ) ? I 've always had a passion for history and the paranormal . The spirit world fascinates me , mostly because it 's so mysterious and beyond our reach . I feel a strong connection to the past when I visit historical sites , and have to go around touching everything to get an even stronger connection . We 're all part of history , and writing about long - ago people and places transports me to another time and world . 3 ) Who or what is your favorite inspiration when writing ? In my " New York Saga " I began with FROM HERE TO 14TH STREET , where my heroine , Italian immigrant Vita and Irish cop Tom McGlory fall in love despite all odds . Book 2 in the series is my latest release , BOOTLEG BROADWAY . Tom , Vita and their three children are struggling to make ends meet . It 's 1932 . Prohibition rages , the Depression ravages , and Billy McGlory comes of age whether he wants to or not . Musical and adventurous , Billy dreams of having his own ritzy supper club and big band . On the eve of his marriage to the pregnant Prudence , the shifty " businessman " Rosario Ingovito offers him all that and more . Fame , fortune , his own Broadway musical … it 's all his for the taking , despite Pru 's opposition to Rosie 's ventures . Meanwhile , Pru 's artistic career gains momentum and their child is born . Can anything go wrong for Billy ? Only when he gets in way over his head does he stop to wonder how his business partner really makes his millions , but by then it 's far too late … Billy escapes with his life , but in a surprise twist at the end , he pulls off the ultimate revenge against the gangsters responsible for his beloved wife Pru 's heroin overdose . 5 ) Please share with us the first few paragraphs of your latest work . New York City , May , 1935 Billy moseyed out of The Stork Club whistling " I 'm In The Mood For Love " because he was . The rain - slicked pavement glistened under the streetlamps . A cold drizzle tickled his face as he plopped his hat on . Fishing his keys out of his pocket , he stepped off the curb and headed for his new Packard . An engine 's roar came at him and ended his whistling . " Hey ! " He leapt out of the way , but not in time . He got hit so hard he went flying , landing on his side . He lay crumpled in the street , choking on the exhaust . The wheels screeched away . Thank you so much for visiting us today , Diana ! BOOTLEG BROADWAY looks amazing , and it 's set during one of my favorite eras in American history . I can 't wait to read it ! For a writer , there 's nothing so exciting as receiving a box of your books in print . Every time I get them , I 'm giddy . Today 's treat was the arrival of copies of AIR and HEAVY NETTING from my publisher , for next month 's book signing at the Lewis County Fair . It 'll be my first trip to this event , and I 'm super excited to be there with my writing pal , Regina Edwards Drumm . I 'm sure I 'll have loads of pictures to share with you once I 've been to this fair , but for now , I 'll give you a peek at my latest endeavors in print . Aren 't they gorgeous ? I love them . If you can make the fair , I 'd love to meet you ! Click here for directions . If not , keep checking my event list on my website for other book signings - or order a copy of one of my books from your favorite bookstore ! Happy reading ! Over the weekend , I finished watching Season One of TURN : Washington 's Spies . The series is adapted from a book by Alexander Rose and stars Jamie Bell . I didn 't want to review until I 'd seen the entire season , because I was concerned that my initial impression wouldn 't hold up . I needn 't have worried . This show does take some historical - ahem - liberties , but does so in the name of great storytelling . The heart of the show is its relationship between childhood friends Abraham Woodhull , a reluctant - to - fight cabbage farmer , and several patriots including Ben Talmadge , an officer in the rebel army . No matter what he does , poor Abraham is caught between his friendships and his family , who are actively Loyalist . Watching him navigate the push - and - pull was a train wreck in the best sense , and half the reason I binge watched half a season over the weekend . While the story does have slow moments , I wouldn 't call any part of it dull . Complicating matters is Anna Strong , a woman once engaged to Abraham but now married to another man . When Anna 's husband is arrested and sent to a prison ship , Anna is left high and dry . Who 's there to pick up the pieces ? You guessed it : Abraham and his still - raw feelings for her . Abraham , himself married and with a child , can 't resist coming to her aid , driven not only by his latent attachment to her but by the same sense of moral outrage that eventually leads him to support the rebel cause . What I enjoyed about this show , as opposed to other Revolution - era pieces like The Patriot , is that there is no cut - and - dry division between right and wrong . There are sympathetic British , and there are devious Americans . You are left to decide who 's right for yourself , based on the events of the show , rather than be told who not to like . ( Granted , you 're going to hate Simcoe on sight , but who doesn 't love that character you love to hate ? ) Overall , I look forward to Season Two , and I urge you to give Season One a try if you enjoy historical drama . It 's available now on Netflix . In the meantime , I 'll be picking up the book . Nobody loves sweating to death , least of all , me . I love my coffee , as most of my readers well know - but when the weather warms up , I can 't stand the thought of hot coffee . So , I 'd like to thank whichever enterprising soul decided it was a good idea to throw this caffeinated nectar of the gods over ice . Yay , you . We recently bought a new coffee maker , and I 've been refrigerating the rest of what 's in the pot after hubby 's cuppa as my iced coffee . Then I heard there 's a better way , so I went looking on the Internet ( yay , Internet ) for a cold - brewed iced coffee recipe for myself . Pretty simple . Toss it in a container , refrigerate and wait , then strain into a new container . You can pour yourself a cup and add whatever you like to flavor it . Even I can do this ! If you love iced coffee , but not the way your coffee shop bill adds up over a week , give this a try . I can 't wait for you to meet Ethan , the fourth of my Elementals . He 's troubled and passionate , and the sparks between him and the heroine , Gypsy , just fly ! I 'm in the homestretch of the first draft , so I hope you 'll be able to meet them soon . Until then , happy reading ! Every year , it seems that the weather warms up in a hurry . As much as I complained about the preceding winter , I 'm ready to groan over how hot it gets . . . normally . This year , I welcome the sun and warmth , because even into mid - May , I 'm remembering those snowbanks that went up over my head . I know that once it hits those hot , humid extremes , I 'll change my tune , but for now , the weather appears to be trying to behave itself . I am enjoying watching my gardens flourish , and looking forward to the first vegetable harvest . We 've got tomatoes , peas , beans , lettuce , peppers , and spinach - not to mention a host of herbs and flowers to enjoy . What do you plant in your gardens ? How do you spend your spring ? I 'd love to hear . In the meantime , enjoy the season ! No matter what , it goes by too fast . The family and I tried something new for dinner last night - Bull and Bear Roadhouse in Liverpool , NY . It opened recently , and its lot has been packed with cars ever since . We decided it was high time to see what the fuss was about . On first impression , the outside was neat , but could have used a little weeding in its landscaping . Inside , it was quite noisy . The bar was packed , but we were greeted and seated in the dining room right away . The room was noticeably loud and quite warm . I assume their A / C needs a little attention . The heat was unpleasant , and the noise made it difficult to hold an across - the - table conversation without raising my voice . Our orders were taken and brought to the table promptly . The waitress was attentive without being pushy , and very honest about her opinions when we asked about the menu offerings . The menu was not extensive , but sturdy and varied . I ordered the Vermonter burger and loaded salts with a glass of ice water . The meal cost $ 11 . The burger was generous and piled with toppings , but in no way was it done to hide the taste of the meat . The meat itself was course - ground Angus chuck , and very flavorful . In one bite , this became my new favorite burger in Central NY . The loaded salts were three salt potatoes with pulled pork , sour cream , and chives , and they hit the spot . The pork was very good , seasoned nicely with a not - too - sweet , not - too - savory balance . When finished with the meal , I was too stuffed for dessert . : ) Hubby ordered the Vermonter with tater tots and sriracha sauce . It 's hard to mess up a tater tot , but he enjoyed his meal . My son got a grilled cheese and fries , which was a $ 4 meal and also generously portioned . Overall , the meals and two soft drinks for my boys cost just over $ 30 . Today , I 'd like to wish a very Happy Mother 's Day to all you mothers out there , near and far . I 'm not one to gush publicly over my son , but as a mother myself , I never thought I could love another human being so much . It 's a special bond , and one worth celebrating . It 's nearly May , and my gardens are beginning to wake up . After a long winter , I 've grown desperate for flowers and green , growing things . The trick is to know which ones will survive those still - chilly nights . . . or if they wouldn 't , how to help them do so . In my previous blog post , I talked about a raised bed greenhouse for tender plants . It snowed since , and I lost one of my two tomato plants even though I had a cloche over it and the greenhouse cover down . The other survived , so I 'll remember that variety for next year 's planting . ( The cloches I bought were from Hobby Lobby and ran about $ 20 on their bi - monthly 50 % off sale . ) The picture at the top is Viola " Rebecca , " and it 's supposed to be hardy in my zone ( Zone 5 ) . Whether or not that actually happens , I 'll find out , but it appears to love shade and moist soil , and should bloom through fall if I pinch back the blooms once they die . So far , so good , and the flowers smell like vanilla ! Yum ! My mother bought me a cast - cement bunny for the front landscaping . I couldn 't resist him . He looks like a storybook rabbit . A garden just doesn 't seem complete without statuary or hardscaping to offset all that greenery . If you can 't afford statuary , bring home a large stone from a trip somewhere - or a trip through your local woods - to set in your garden ! It makes a wonderful memory to add to your outdoor living space . Just be sure you have permission to take it , and that it 's thoroughly cleaned before re - homing so you don 't accidentally put chemicals or soil diseases into your soil . ( You can find ways to sterilize non - native stones in many resources online . ) My overgrown butterfly garden has managed to surprise me . I thought it was going to need a total overhaul , but the early bulbs have flowered , and my wildly - vining clematis is beginning to leaf out . I may just let nature do its thing , because even the creeping charlie has cute little blue flowers . Creeping charlie is considered an invasive weed , but the bees and butterflies like it , so I leave it alone as long as it doesn 't overtake other plants . Besides , it keeps the soil in place when it rains ! Happy Spring ! In Zone 5 , where we 're still wearing our parkas into April ( that 's New York , slathered in blue ) , it 's hard to get a jump on the growing season . Last year , by the time I put seeds into the ground , it was too short a season to get a meaningful booster crop for our dinner table . This year , I decided to try my hand at making a cheapskate - er , economical - greenhouse or for our raised bed garden . If you 're like me , you don 't have a lot of scratch for a glazed greenhouse . While it might be a dream come true to afford one , the reality is , the more you spend on the greenhouse , the less money you have to put something in it . And isn 't that the point of gardening ? To assemble the frame , insert each section of PVC pipe into the cross , making a large " X . " The cross is loose enough to admit both pieces of PVC , which will lie one top of the other inside the cross where they intersect . The cross has no sharp edges to tear your plastic sheeting , and there 's no tool - assisted assembly . Tension holds it all together once you put it into your raised bed . Next , carry the structure to your bed and sink the ends of the pipes down about 10 " into the corners of your raised bed . The farther down you sink it , the more secure your cold frame will be . If your bed isn 't as deep as mine , or you 're concerned about wind , you can secure the ends by sliding them into metal , U - shaped pipe hangers or " hanger tape " ( also available from your hardware store ) screwed to the corners of your box . I opted for a more low - tech solution , as my raised bed is deep enough not to make wind a concern . There 's no one right answer , as long as it works for you ! When you 've set up the frame , it will look like this : Next , open the package of poly sheeting and lay it over the frame . It 's better to err on the generous side , so you have enough around the perimeter to clamp some of the sheeting edges to your box , preventing air from getting into your raised bed and chilling your plants . Trim the sheeting to size . My raised bed is about 4 ' x 4 ' and I was left with a section of about 4 ' x 12 ' - good for covering containered herbs on chilly days or putting over that compost pile to help heat and decompose the organic matter ! Once you 've trimmed the sheeting , clamp the edges down to the box , being sure that you have enough hanging over the edge to prevent drafts . Use as many of those clamps as you like , depending on your wind conditions . I still have some left , which I 'm sure the hubby can use ! After that , you 're done ! The entire project took me under a half an hour , with no technical know - how or special tools . The temperature inside the greenhouse is noticeably warmer than outside . You can open some or all of the cover on warmer , sunnier days so you don 't " cook " your plants . You can also use this setup to grow a four - season harvest ! Leafy vegetables like spinach are great at surviving the winter and will satisfy that need for fresh greens when snow 's on the ground . There are many more vegetables that can be grown year - round . Their vigor depends on length of daylight and protection from the moisture - stealing winter winds . Check your library or the Internet for possibilities available for your agricultural zone . When you 're finished using the greenhouse ( i . e . your zone has finally reached a warm enough daily temperature not to need it ) , simply break it down and store it . It 's that easy ! Happy gardening , and Happy Earth Day ! There 's nothing more wonderful than seeing the first flowers of spring pop up in your garden - even if it 's overgrown like mine ! I 've let it get a little wild , but my butterfly garden still manages to impress me . Among the weeds and grasses that have encroached in it are the first hardy little flowers popping up from bulbs , like the windflower above ( Anemone blanda ) . These little bursts of color are like Nature 's gift for our patience over a long , harsh winter . Finally , framing my stone birdbath are groups of daffodils just starting to bud . I have scads of daffodils in the yard , and tulips , too , that are begging to be transplanted to a more natural bed . That 's just one of the projects on tap this spring . I can 't wait to get to my favorite garden store to begin choosing the new plants for my vegetable and butterfly gardens ! Nicki Greenwood graduated SUNY Morrisville with a degree in Natural Resources , which of course has nothing to do with writing novels . She has also worked in a bakery , an insurance agency , a flower shop , and a doctor 's office , which have nothing to do with writing , either . She did spend an awesome two years as an assistant editor for a publisher , and now does freelance editing on the side . Nicki still holds down a day job , which manages to get her out of the house once in a while . Since 2010 , she has written eight novels , including the award - winning Gifted Series . Nicki lives in a suburban neighborhood in Upstate NY . She enjoys creating habitat for wildlife of all kinds , especially birds and pollinators . Below is a list of species confirmed either by visual ID , or in the case of birds , occasionally their songs . This list is proof that if you do away with pesticides , even a residential area can be full of wildlife for you and your family to enjoy !
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Immediately insert sticks by lying them on top of melted candy , and twisting until stick is covered . The candy hardens quickly , so you have to be fast . Allow candy to harden on its own ( only takes a few minutes ) , or place in freezer to speed up the process . Parchment paper is not the same as wax paper . Yes , I seriously was unaware of this , despite the fact that they have two completely different names . So I used wax paper , and encountered a ( very minor ) problem . It stuck to most of the lollies , but only a little bit . Two days ago , I completely failed at creating these cute favors for our family Easter party . ( Click HERE to see the hot mess I made . ) So I gave it another go last night , and was semi - redeemed . Clearly , I used a Christmas - tree - shaped mold , despite the fact that it 's Easter , but I refuse to spend $ 16 on an Easter mold just for melting crayons . And instead of Crayola crayons , I used cheap Dollar Tree ones this time ( much , much easier to unwrap ! ) . Fortunately , the recipients of my crayons will be toddlers , who will not care at all about the theme or quality of the crayons . Voila ! Fun - shaped , multicolored , super - quick - and - easy - to - make crayons . Great for party favors or general kids ' crafts . But I did say that last night 's crayons are only a semi - success . After sticking them in the oven , I began drinking wine ( Reggae Red - woot ! ) , and talking with my sister and her boyfriend , who are visiting from Kalamazoo , Michigan . I remembered that the crayons were still in the oven only after the bottle was gone … 46 minutes later . Oops . At the beginning of the year , I set a goal for myself to become more crafty by completing 12 DIY projects ( one per month ) . In January , I gave myself an oh - so - easy win by making homemade hair detangler . In February , I made some really - cool - but - dull - gray T - shirt bracelets . In March , I joined the genius Web site Pinterest , and pinned so many DIY projects that I didn 't have any time to actually complete one . Now it 's April , and I 've set out to give all the kiddos homemade Easter gifts . And this evening , I completely bombed the first one I attempted . Before I give you the embarrassing details , I 'll cut to the chase and tell you what I learned : Always , always , always F - O - L - L - O - W D - I - R - E - C - T - I - O - N - S . Since no one would let me break up their used crayons , I bought two boxes of new ones . Then I spent two hours scraping the wrappers off of them . ( It was much more difficult and time consuming than I 'd assumed . ) Of course I made sure to exclude the " ugly " colors : black , gray , and brown . The directions said I should put the broken pieces into a mold , and heat them in the oven . I went to five stores looking for Easter - themed molds . Didn 't find a single one at CVS , Walgreens , Meijer , or Walmart . Finally found a great one at JoAnn Fabrics …… for $ 15 . 99 . Um - no , thanks . So I decided to improvise . I purchased a package of four cute Easter cookie cutters for only $ 2 . 99 . I put wax paper in a small cake pan , inserted my cookie cutters , and added my broken crayon pieces . The directions said to heat them at 225 degrees for 10 minutes , but they were barely melted . So I heated them until they were the consistency I thought they should be ( 18 minutes total ) . I inserted a toothpick to see if the wax inside the cookie cutters was deep enough to still make sturdy crayons for a toddler . Not a chance . So I rushed upstairs and frantically dug up the only silicone mold I own - Christmas trees . I poured what I could of the hot wax into my mold in hopes of salvaging my wasted time and money . I am so bummed that I never want to do this experiment again - ever in life . But …… I 'm obsessive about not being wrong failing . So I 'm going to waste more time and money trying to do this - correctly - again tomorrow . The sun has been shining so brightly this week that I haven 't been able to justify sitting at home , even though it 's been kind of chilly outside . So Josh and I have been bundling up with hoodies , jackets , and blankets , and hitting the pavement . While we both enjoy our lengthy stroller rides through the neighborhood , I decided to change it up a bit . Today , I took him for his first visit to Washington Park Zoo . I haven 't been there since I was a little kid , so I couldn 't wait to take him up to the tower and show him the beautiful aerial view of Michigan City . Unfortunately , it was closed , as was the big monkey jungle - gym thing - my two favorite zoo attractions ! I hope they are both up and running again this summer . Here he is hanging out in the tunnel under the otter tank . They were sleeping on land when we went through , but he didn 't seem to mind . Even though they weren 't swimming around him in the tunnel , he was not a happy camper about having to get out and move on . He 'd have sat in there all day and waited if I 'd have let him . Here 's one of Connor and Josh in front of the little waterfall . My intention was to get a picture of all the pretty flowers behind them , but that clearly didn 't happen . Maybe next time … My personal favorite moment of the day was seeing Josh hold and feed a bird all by himself . He was very calm and gentle , which is the opposite of what I expected from my busy , one - year - old . He 's becoming such a big boy ! Around 6 o ' clock this chilly evening , we noticed a toddler who had wandered into our driveway from the alley behind the house . She was dirty and wearing thin , short - sleeved pajamas and one adult - sized tennis shoe . She was pretending to paint our car with a paintbrush . I waited awhile for an adult to appear , but no one did . When I rushed out to further assess the situation , I saw her barely - older brother , also in thin PJs and adult shoes , playing near the alley . I asked them where their mommy was . " She left me , " said the little boy . So I knocked repeatedly on our neighbor 's slightly - open screen door , but no one came . I opened the door and yelled inside several times . Still , no one responded . I sent the kids inside to get an adult , and they came back - twice - without one . We tried again and again to knock and yell into the house near where they 'd been playing outside . More silence . One of the kids said their daddy was sleeping in a chair inside , so we carefully and very nervously entered the house . The kitchen floor was covered in items that I can only assume the kids had flung out of the kitchen cabinets . There was a baby girl in a playpen chewing on dirty women 's tennis shoes . They had all been left unattended for what was obviously a very long time . Because there was their dad , curled up in a ball on the recliner , practically comatose . We yelled and yelled at him , from only a few inches away , but he didn 't respond . I was seriously afraid that he was dead . So we kicked his chair multiple times , finally stirring him . We said , " We live in the house across the alley . Your children wandered into our yard and then our house . They don 't have on any shoes or jackets . They 've been playing in the alley , and could get hit by a car . We 've been trying for a long time to get your attention to make sure everything is alright . " He didn 't question who we were , where we came from , or why we were in his house . He wasn 't startled , worried , confused , embarrassed , or concerned in any way . He was also obviously high as a kite . When he finally staggered to his feet , we left and shut the back door behind us . When a police officer finally arrived at our house , I explained to him my concern for those children . He went to their front door , and got no answer . He tried their back door - no answer again . I started to walk back to our house , but decided to run after the police car as it was pulling away . The officer told me that the guy finally answered the door , giving him the explanation was that the children had gone to sleep with him , and must have slipped out the unchained back door without waking him . The officer said there was nothing he could do , and that he had to leave . No big deal . I beg to differ . Huge deal ! I cried all the way back to my house . I thought about those kids , imagining them getting hit by cars , being abducted , and worse . I wondered if they had been whooped for causing trouble . I thought about the baby , and wondered how long she 'd been sitting in a dirty diaper in her playpen . What kind of parents don 't know or care where their children are ? ! I told my family that I want to go back and offer to babysit . They told me not to get involved , that they couldn 't pay for it anyway . I told them I 'd do it for free . They told me that I can 't save everyone . I am so unbelievably frustrated right now . Little kids deserve for their caretakers to actually care for them . I don 't know what I can do for the little kids from the house across the alley , but there has to be something I can do for others like them . I 'm open to suggestions . For now , I 'm going to do some Internet research to try to figure it out . And tonight I 'll pray for all the kids who are neglected by their guardians daily . What a rush it creates when you purchase a new outfit , pair of shoes , electronic gadget , decorative item , accessory , even a favorite snack or personal hygiene product . Expensive , cheap , big , small , retail , on sale , for you , for someone else - doesn 't matter . Buying stuff can make a person feel really good , both physically and mentally . Until , of course , you feel the pang of buyer 's remorse in your gut . Shopping is one of my absolute most favorite things to do in life . It always has been . Except now , and for the past year ( almost ) , I have been living in the exciting universe that is extreme couponing . Doing so has completely altered and redefined the entire shopping experience for me . My new perspective on what it means to get a truly good deal has taught me never to pay retail for anything , and that I can get many of the basic necessities for free . These days , paying more than a dollar for nearly anything actually gives me minor anxiety . Saving 50 , 75 , 90 , 100 percent on grocery , personal care , and household items ? Oh , it 's possible . And it creates an adrenaline rush unlike any other . There 's nothing bad about getting something for free ( or close to it ) , right ? Not necessarily . Extreme couponing can come with its own form of buyer 's remorse if performed irresponsibly . I have an obsessive personality . When I get really excited about something , it 's like I have tunnel vision . And that 's what happened when I started my couponing adventures . I spent hours upon hours researching deals , clipping coupons , making detailed shopping lists , and navigating the aisles of multiple stores . Before I knew it - I 'm talking a couple weeks - I had a stockpile of toothpaste , deodorant , and men 's body wash ( which I don 't even use ) to last me two or three years . And I 'd only paid pennies for all of it . Needless to say , I . Was . Hooked . And unfortunately , it was to the detriment of my sweet baby boy 's happiness . After a few months , he would literally start crying at the sight of my coupon binder . He knew that seeing it meant he 'd be spending the next couple hours sitting in a shopping cart , bored to death . And this was like five days per week . Initially , I 'd essentially just put a Band - aid over a bullet wound by taking out the coupons I knew I 'd need before we left , and putting them in my purse . So he didn 't freak out over having to see my binder , but instead would experience his anxiety upon entering any store . I wasn 't fooling him . And snacks and toys only kept him distracted for a few short minutes , if at all . How unfair I was being to him ! So then I started squeezing my extreme couponing extravaganzas into lunch breaks and during the hour between getting off work and his daycare closing . I thought I had it all figured out . I could save money and not upset my son . I was proud of myself . Until one day late last fall , when my electric was disconnected . I had become so obsessed with couponing , that I completely forgot about having to spend money in any other way . ( I wish I were kidding . ) Fortunately , I had more than enough money for the light bill in my bank account ; so it only took a phone call , and everything was up and running again within a couple of hours . All 's well that ends well , I suppose . But that 's not the point ! The purpose of extreme couponing is to save money while providing for one 's family and community . To become a better and more responsible steward of one 's financial resources in order to maximize quality time with loved ones . And I had ultimately failed at doing so by wasting precious time with my son and neglecting to pay a basic utility bill . As I said , the world of extreme couponing is an exciting place . Once you know what you 're doing , it 's easy for it to become an obsession . And it can overwhelm you , taking over your life and your home , if you let it . You must always remember to prioritize and to maintain balance . You can save $ 10 , 000 - plus per year by using coupons . Of course , you 'd have to use a lot of them , and you 've already read that you won 't actually use the vast majority of your stash . But you likely will still save several thousands of dollars by using only the ones you need ( just depends on your family 's needs and buying habits ) . That kind of money may be a big deal to some , yet would not be missed by others . It 's up to you to decide . Note : Clipping coupons shouldn 't take you more than about two hours per week . Planning shopping trips can take just as long . And then , you actually have to do the shopping . Here is where you calculate your savings per hour . If you 're a parent , try to only clip coupons , create store match - ups and shopping lists , and shop when your children are sleeping or away from home . If you 're a student , don 't do these things until you 've finished studying or completed your homework . And so on … Stick to your budget . Just because your favorite body wash is on sale this week does not necessarily mean that you can afford it . If money 's tight , and you have enough of what you need to last you until the next sale , then wait . Pace yourself . Shop only once or twice per week , for a predetermined amount of time , if possible . ( And try to get a sitter or at least a shopping helper for that allotment ) . Because in reality , it 's not really that great a deal when more important parts of your life - like spending time with your children or paying your ( read : my ) utility bills - suffer because of couponing tunnel vision . I can almost guarantee that when you are on your deathbed , you won 't be thinking , " I wish I had spent more time extreme couponing . " You 'll more likely be wishing you 'd had more time with your family inside a happy home ( where the lights were always on ) . Chicago Radio Stations . I know I said on another day that I am thankful for free radio . But after spending two years in Indianapolis , I am specifically grateful for good radio stations . Indianapolis , you have quite a way left to go .
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This morning I am busy filling out registration forms for our guild 's quilt show in February . I am registering TEN quilts ! I have never shown that many before . Several of these are small wall hangings which explains why I was able to get so many done . I will also have an 11th quilt in the challenge section . Getting these all down on paper makes me realize I need to get busy and finish all of these ! One is in need of more piecing work , two need to be quilted , one still needs to be bound , and several need hanging sleeves . I better quit jabbering and get to work ! BTW , my son pondered for a while , which surprised me , but he chose the yellow stripey bag , which did not surprise me . Happy New Year , all ! Our tradition is to celebrate on Christmas Eve after the candlelight service at church . We had a nice dinner and fun family time with our two adult children home . I 'm loving having them here ! My daughter is helping my son knit himself a Harry Potter scarf . Here he is taking a break from the knitting . This morning I decided to make him a bag to carry his knitting in . I made the pinkish purplish one this morning ( instead of making Christmas muffins ) and then decided it won 't be properly " man " looking for him . So I 'll let him choose between these two bags . The greenish / yellow stripey one was already made for another purpose , but I can easily replace it if that 's the one he wants . Our Christmas dinner dessert - individual cheesecakes with fresh raspberries ! Yum ! This is a guy I work with and his guide dog . They are both trying out a quilt I made . He had asked if I could make a quilt for his wife . He is worried about her health and thought a quilt to cuddle in would be a nice comfort . I had this one almost done , so I sold it to him for a bargain price . I 'm glad it is going to his wife - she and I used to work together years ago , before she was married and even before she became blind . Small world , isn 't it ? ! Today we are headed over to my sister 's house for another family gathering . Fun , fun fun ! Hope you are all having a wonderful Christmas Day . I read through all the Mavs ' blogs this morning . It was so nice to see all your pictures , your trees , your food , your laundry ( haha ) , and to hear about your traditions . You are a talented bunch ! ! TTFN . This little decoration has been a part of our family Christmas for over 20 years . Way back then , I bought this at an after - Christmas sale . I remember it was marked down from $ 40 to $ 20 , a 50 % off sale that I was glad to snap up . I couldn 't have afforded it at $ 40 . It was a mobile , hand - made in Denmark . It had three horizontal metal holders , each with these loops and trees hanging off the ends . So there were six spots of these pretty little loops and trees hanging at various heights . I hung the mobile every Christmas , and it followed us from our old house to our new . Each year I carefully packed it in the same box in which I purchased it . A few years ago the red loops began to droop and tear . I had to tape them together . It was starting to age . This year it was just too tired out to help us celebrate Chirstmas . The old strings were hopelessly tangled , and the more I tried to fix it , the more the pieces began to tear . Sadly , I had to say goodbye to 5 / 6 of this mobile . Now all we have left is this one little loop with its pretty little trees . Even this small part is still so dainty and festive . Perhaps this will continue to cheer us during the Christmas season until we can travel to Denmark and get another new one right where it was made - - a grandchild mobile of our original . Ewww , it has been a long week of coughing , blowing nose , taking naps , eating a lot of chicken noodle soup . Hubby and I both got the crud . I 'm finally functioning normally again , sort of . Still coughing and blowing , but I 'm upright . I managed to put together a UFO top while I was sick . I worked at it slowly when I had energy , and just got the top done this morning . Here it is . I guess I will quilt it in time to hang in my guild 's show in February , then decide what to do with it . I am also getting borders on my Tonya - Letters Sampler so I can get that done and hang it in the show , too . This year I will have mostly wall hangings in the show as that has been my new - found love , making small , quick quilts that don 't turn into UFOs for years and years . Hope you all are healthy and that you have safe and happy holidays . Saturday . I spent all day wrapping presents , rearranging and cleaning the living room , and putting up and decorating the tree . We use a small , artificial tree . I like its small size and humility . I 've never liked being showy and ostentatious . For some reason our little tree looks extra pretty to me this year . I 'm coming down with a cold . When I wasn 't doing the above activities , I took a nap , and I had a nice , warm bowl of soup for lunch . I 'm trying to be careful with myself so my cold doesn 't develop into bronchitis , which my daughter has . Last night we went to a play at the Guthrie . I had never heard of it before : Edgardo Mine . It was a powerful play , based on an historical event . Fascinating . Everything the Guthrie does is outstanding ! We 're lucky to live close by so we can enjoy the fruits of Guthries ' labors . I 'm headed to bed and will catch up on the Mavericks ' goings on tomorrow . I finished ! This quilt will soon be delivered to a friend of a friend . . . she has cancer , and this was ordered by her friends so she can have a warm , tangible sign of their caring for her . I showed you the top after I put it together at a retreat . I wanted to do a pieced border but ran out of time , so I did plain old borders . This is the largest size quilt I have ever quilted by myself on my little Pfaffy friend . It measures 61 " x 85 " . It 's not perfect , but it 's warm and cuddly which is what she needs right now . It 's all batiks except the back which is a very soft cotton ! The boutique thing I went to last Friday was fun . Most of the vendors were businesses such as Mary Kay , Avon , and Pampered Chef . I wasn 't very tempted by their products , so I spent very little money . I got a lot of sewing done , and a friend came along and knitted while we chit chatted . My time was almost uninterrupted . Since I didn 't know anyone there , they pretty much left me alone except when they wanted to admire my quilt tops . They were shy about that since I was a stranger , so I was able to keep sewing . I 'm almost done Christmas shopping . Now I just need my next paycheck so I can get the last things that I couldn 't squeeze into the previous expense account . I hope to catch up on reading your lovely blogs , my friends , but I haven 't had much free time lately . I 'll do that ASAP ! I hope everyone is doing well , including Tanya . I found the neatest idea for a boutique . I happened upon it while searching the web for something else . There is a church craft boutique in a nearby neighborhood this Friday night . In addition to having things for sale , they also have tables that a person can reserve for working on crafts . People will be doing scrapbooking , card making , one person will do her Christmas cards , and I reserved a table for sewing . In addition , local businesses paid for a massage chair and operator . People can reserve a spot for a Free 15 - minute chair massage ! I don 't know anyone else who will be there . I usually don 't join events with complete strangers , but this seemed too good to pass up . I told a knitter friend about it , and she is going to come and sit by my table and knit . I have been wishing I could find some extended hours to sew uninterrupted , so this is perfect ! I am getting tired of having so many UFO 's . I want to get a bunch of them done . Hence my need for uninterrupted hours of sewing . ( I know , this is something we all need . ) I am making a quilt to order ( sort of ) . I 'm going to get paid for it ! I 'm nearly done with it , and will post a picture as soon as it 's complete . I 've been so busy ! I didn 't even know it had been so many days since I posted here . Time just flies by . It is mostly work that has kept me so busy . Thank goodness I will get a bunch of days off now for Thanksgiving ( Th , Fr , Sa , Sun ) . Yippee ! Last Saturday I met another blogger in person . She and I are part of my other blog ring - St . Paul Daily Photo . She 's from St . Paul , too . We met at a nice coffee cafe - I decided about 2 hours before meeting her that I wanted to give her a small quilt . I made this little quilt and had it almost done , but had to sew down the binding while we sat and chatted . She said she is going to use it as part of her centerpiece for Thanksgiving . After we had our coffee and I finished sewing on the binding , we went downstairs to an open house at a new book store which is owned by Garrison Keillor of Prairie Home Companion fame . He was signing autographs , so my blogger friend photographed me with him . Here we are - guess this might be my 15 minutes of fame , eh ? Proximity to someone famous counts , doesn 't it ? He was nice and seemed genuinely interested in a short chat about what I do for a living . We 're making home - made rolls for our Thanksgiving dinner contribution . It 's always so hard for me to not eat a bunch of them before we get to the family gathering ! Here are my favorite parts of the Thanksgiving meal : dinner rolls , mashed potatoes , pecan pie and pumpkin pie . I can never decide which pie I want , so I usually have both . And I wonder why I look like a whale ? ? Happy weekend , everyone , and a Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate this U . S . holiday . Remember a while back I said I was working on a project that I could not show you ? We had a challenge at my guild : we each put fabric of our choice into a bag . The bags were redistributed , and when we received a bag , we had to make a small quilt and finish it . We didn 't know whose fabric we were working with ! Last night at guild we had the big reveal . It was amazing and so fun ! Everyone made gorgeous quilts , and such a variety ! This first picture is me with the quilt I made . You can 't see it here , but there is white lace going around the inside of the binding . This purple applique quilt is my favorite of the bunch . Sorry the picture is so dark . This one is for me ! In my bag I put all batiks and never imagined it would come back like this . It 's really cute and quilted well for the penguin theme , too . This weekend I went on a quilt retreat with my local guild . It was great ! We were at a church camp in Wisc . Weather was a little cold , but we had sunshine on Saturday , and the scenery was beautiful . Take a look at the view I had from my work station . Not bad , eh ? Here 's a top I put together for a woman who was recently diagnosed with cancer . I plan to add borders and get it delivered soon . Here 's our group at work , followed by some miscellaneous shots of the weekend 's activities . There was another quilt group there in a different building ( also a large group of scrapbookers . ) . This one is my quilt in process The other day I impulsively suggested on someone 's blog that we all make tote bags and compare photos . " Well , " I thought , " since I opened my big mouth , I should probably make a tote bag . " So I sat down with purple scraps and started to make scrap blocks that could go together to become a nice , purple tote bag . Something happened , though . I noticed that one of my scrap combinations looked like a letter " C . " Then I remembered that I alrealdy had a letter " A " that was a reject from a previous project . That 's almost half my name , so I went ahead and finished my name . I still thought it could become part of my tote bag design . But then I made my husband 's name . . . and now I have a whole new idea as to how to use these letters . For all I know , the project will take another 180 degree turn at some point . They say that 's how a lot of writers write a novel . . . it writes itself as they go along . We 'll have to wait and see how this quilt designs itself . One thing I 'm pretty sure of : it is no longer a tote bag . Hooray ! I finally got to do some sewing today . I put comfort food in the oven ( meat loaf , potatoes , squash . ) While those things baked , I got to sew ! Earlier I had gone through my stash and cut squares from some fabrics that had just a little left . I made one quilt top from 9 - inch squares , and one from 6 - inch squares . The 9 - incher is here : I also got a top put together from blocks made by other people . Here 's that top : Both of these quilts will be for Wrap Them in Love . Just for fun , here 's the comfort food I enjoyed for dinner tonight : I went to an art fair today and bought this gorgeous piece for myself . Here it is with some fall items on top and then with some Christmas candles . I was trying to get some good angles to show how pretty it is , but as is true with all pieces of art , pictures don 't do it justice . I have not had time to do much sewing , so I 'm showing you a quilt from the past . My son made this when he was 18 ! ! He wouldn 't let me help at all except for a bit of cutting and part of the binding . He made it for his girlfriend . The sad part is that they have since broken up . But what a sweet guy my son is ! He did a great job , and I was ( am ) so proud of him ! Posted by Recently Finn posted a recipe for Apple Dumplings . Now I can 't find it on her blog to link to it . Maybe I remember it wrong . . was it someone other than Finn ? Yesterday a friend of mine gave me some apples from her own orchard , so today I tried the dumpling recipe . Oh , man ! Yummy ! ! Mine didn 't turn out all that professional looking , but they sure were delicious ! Here are some pictures of my apple dumplings . Is your mouth watering ? They would have been even more delicious with ice cream . Next time . . . . One night I played with Tonya 's wonky house tutorial and made two house blocks . One immediately went into a project that I can 't show you yet . The other one sat around waiting for a good spot to go , and eventually found its way into this quilt . The hot air balloons were made by someone else in a challenge from me to use that wall paper - ish looking fabric and make it kid - friendly . I decided to add the house ( with added tree made from wall paper - y fabric ) underneath and a bird and cloud above . After I got it put together I had these thoughts : 1 ) the tree next to the wonky house looks like a large guitar jammed handle first into the ground2 ) the bird is either sitting on a cloud or is producing a very large " splat " This is going to a kid 's quilt donation group ; I just hope whoever gets the quilt enjoys the ambiguity of my tree and cloud designs . Posted by Yippee ! Blogger finally allowed me to post the photo . Hmmm . . I tried 3 times with the photo posted on the left , and it didn 't work . When I changed it to center , it worked ! Coinkydink ? This is the pillow I talked about in the previous post ( same day ) . It also is my sit and stitch spot , although it doesn 't show much detail other than a close up of the chair . I 'll get a better picture of my sit and stitch spot a little later . I owe , I owe , so off to work I go ! Blogger isn 't letting me upload a picture . bllllttthhh . I wanted to show you the pillow I made for the boutique I was in charge of . Last night the boutique happened . My pillow didn 't sell , but I have another place to put it where I 'm sure it will . However , my two Halloween bags did sell . Yippee ! One never knows what will be popular from year to year . We didn 't have a very good selection of stuff this year . I need to talk it up more next year . Interesting comments and guesses . Thanks for playing my game . Yes , I 'm a quilter . Yes , I enjoy music . I have played instruments in the past , both clarinet & recorder , but currently don 't play any instrument . I have also been in several choirs over the years . I love listening to music and last week attended a fantastic Minnesota Orchestra concert . I write a lot of letters and have two trusty pen pals , one in Nebraska , one in Czech Republic . Red ? That postcard really is orange . I used to say that yellow & orange were my favorite colors . These days I love so many colors , I can 't pick a favorite . I chose that orangey background because it is bright , cheery , and warm , three attributes that I like to pretend I have . Winter is my 2nd favorite after fall . I did not attend Hamline University , but my son currently does , and I just love that school ( I 'm on a parent council there . ) I do know American Sign Language ! I 'm a sign language interpreter by profession . . . have done so for 24 years ! It is a wonderful career . The blue piece is a picture of a hand . Hands are important to me , both for my profession and for my avocation , quilting . Admittedly , this is a frog hand , but what the heck . . . it 's representational . I have only seen the Gee 's Bend exhibit in books and on TV . Would love to see it in person some day . This one puzzles me : I have an expensive sewing machine ? Is that represented on my self - portrait somehow ? I have a low end but very nice machine , more money than I ever thought I 'd spend on a machine , but definitely not as high as one can go . This was fun ! All my letters and rows are put together ! It was kind of putzy , because I added thin strips between most of the letters and between the rows , but it was fun to watch the rows grow into a top . I won 't get to quilt it tomorrow , because I have to go to an all - day workshop . Boo hoo ! ( I 'll take my knitting along so it 's not a waste of a day . ) For the small letters , I just did raw edge machine applique , at least that 's what I call it . Here 's a look at the back where it 's much easier to see what I did . Thanks for the reminder , Forestjane . I meant to tell you the size of this top and forgot . It is 27 " x 34 " . And about your other question , when I started this blog I didn 't know what I was going to focus on . I should have guessed it would be quilting . I might have named it the Quilted Giraffe . Giraffe Dreams is just something I made up based on an excerpt from _ Out of Africa _ by Isaak Dinesen . I fell in love with giraffes when I read that book and have been a giraffe person ever since . Here 's more about the Textile Center of MN . If you missed yesterday 's post , scroll down and look at that , too , so you get a look at all the photos . This first one is pretty yarn that is for sale in the store . See the sign that says you can win the $ 1200 item ? That refers to the dress , which is the 2nd photo here . I didn 't enter the contest for this dress . I didn 't even pay attention to the contest rules . The dress on me would look like putting Tinkerbell 's dress on Babe the Blue Ox . This is taken from inside the store , through some silk scarves , to the out of doors . The mirrors in the women 's bathroom . . . they 're all different ! They have this truck that says it 's textile mobile . . . I really don 't know what they use it for . I 've never seen it at any events . The picture is fuzzy , because I did not want to use flash . . these are some display pieces . Prettier in person than my fuzzy photo can show ! I thought I 'd share some scenes from this unique place , Textile Center of Minnesota . All the fiber art groups got together and financed this place . There is a gallery , office & work space for each group , a library , a small store and probably even more that I don 't know about . This is the Minnesota Quilters ' office - closed when I was there today . This pretty weaving is hanging outside the Weavers Guild of MN space . Made of fabric and beads . Don 't you think Tonya 's wonky letters would have looked great in this piece ? This figure is on display in the library . These quilts are mostly for sale . Hands on the bathroom wall . . . A quilt project for Somali women displays some of their feelings about living here and living in their former home .
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Another Tumblr account . This one focuses on art , architecture and nature . Also , a lot of Legend of Korra but that has slowed down since the show ended … Follow me on TwitterMy Tweets Month : April 2015 Night Broken ( Mercy Thompson # 8 ) by Patricia Briggs Review I am finally all caught up ! And now I 'm not entirely sure if I 'm happy about that , because now I have to wait for the next one to release and it 's going to be sometime before that happens . Night Broken was a fun book though it had some irritants . Night Broken begins with a call from Adam 's ex - wife Christie , saying that she 's in trouble because someone is stalking her . She asks him for protection and Adam and Mercy agree . Meanwhile , there is a powerful Fae who wants the walking stick back . He has a legitimate claim since the stick since his father crafted it . This is a bit of a problem since Mercy gave the walking stick to Coyote . As if that isn 't enough , Christie 's stalker turns out to be a super - powerful Volcano god bent on having her back . Typical day in the life of Mercy Thompson , so much to do and so little time . I don 't know how Mercy even managed to stay alive all these years , although to be fair , her troubles started quite recently . But I don 't understand what changed and that confuses me a little bit . She was perfectly safe in the Tri - Cities for the past 10 years and then suddenly , everyone from the Vampires to Volcano gods is suddenly attacking her . The Mercy Thompson series is fun and entertaining . They are fast - paced and full of action that keeps the reader interested and has them coming back for more . When I started the series I felt that maybe it would start feeling repetitive with her getting into a trouble in every book and while I did get that feeling in the middle , the fact that the antagonists are easy to differentiate makes it better . Also the main characters continue to grow and we keep learning more about the other characters . The way these books are written also help make them more interesting , the writing is funny but not silly with a healthy dose of popular culture references ( she had me at Korra and Aang ) Her writing is also compelling making me anxious to get to the end . With series that have so many books in the series , the stakes can feel low but Briggs keeps that from happening . The characters might be immortal ( excluding one or two ) but then can still die and that keeps the reader from getting complacent . I like Mercy , she is a good main protagonist , in that , she is strong and stubborn ( typical PNR character traits ) but what I like about her is that generally , she doesn 't go looking for trouble , it quite literally finds her . But once she is in the middle , she doesn 't back down . She fights for those she cares about and for the most part she can hold her own . Additionally , she isn 't afraid to call for help because she knows that she 's outmatched . Too many PNR heroines ( and even YA for that matter ) keep getting into trouble but never ask for help , which only makes matters worse . She also doesn 't apologise for her actions because she recognizes that when she is in a situation , she won 't be able to walk away . But she does everything possible to make sure that she can take care of herself . Adam continues to be the nice guy . Their relationship was very refreshing because , for the most part , it was free of the usual melodrama . Adam is an Alpha but he doesn 't try to control Mercy . He is also very supportive of her and always lets her know that he loves her . Moreover , he is supportive of those in the pack who he knows are different . He repeatedly stands up for Warren till the rest of the pack backs down . He is fiercely protective and doesn 't hesitate to protect those he cares about . I also love his relationship with Jesse and I wish we had more scenes with their interaction . Christie is Adam 's ex - wife and a despicable character . She was more annoying and unlikeable than the main antagonist and I wish that Adam or Mercy had put her in her place a lot sooner than they did . I don 't understand why Mercy didn 't act sooner when it was blatantly obvious that Christie was actively trying to make trouble between Mercy and Adam . And I couldn 't get why the other wolves didn 't see through Christie 's performances . Giving Christie to Guayota would have been beyond cruel to Guayota because she would have made his life a living hell as well . Aurielle and Mary Jo were being deliberately dense and I did not appreciate that Adam didn 't put them in their respective places . Aurielle was hostile to Mercy through most of the book and all of it was unprovoked . I 'm glad that at least Darryl had more sense . After all the trouble Christie caused and knowing that she thinks that werewolves are nothing but monsters parading as humans , how could these werewolves think that she is better than Mercy ! The pack is an integral part of the series and with each successive book , we learn a little bit more about the individual wolves . In Night Broken , Honey was a surprise . She is as different from Mercy as oil is from water but she supported her when Christie tried to cause trouble once again . Moreover , she recognized Christie for who she truly is and she stood up for Mercy and showed the rest of the pack that Mercy wasn 't weak . I liked her and would like to see more of her in the upcoming books . Warren is an absolute sweetheart and I like Kyle as well . Ben has grown on me and I like that he doesn 't take crap from anyone . Another character that I really like is Stefan and it is obvious that he really cares for Mercy but I can 't understand why she continues to treat him the way she does . He has never done anything to hurt her and two times that he was in her head was to save her . He goes out of his way to protect her and she keeps treating him like he 's a horrible person who can 't be trusted . If anything , he has proven , time and again that he can be trusted . I wish she would pull her head out her ass and treat him better . Share this : TwitterPinterestTumblrEmailGoogleLike this : Like Loading . . . By rukminisinghApril 24 , 20151 , 123 WordsLeave a comment Book I 'm Looking for . Please Help ! ! ! Hey guys , I need some help . I 'm looking for the name of a book I read sometime ago , I can 't remember its name or the name of the author . I don 't remember the characters ' names either ( sorry ) But i can tell you the story or the general gist : There are two kingdoms , One has invaded and taken over the other . The King and Queen are murdered but the prince ( who is a baby at the time ) escapes with the help of a loyal guard . They escape and set up the resistance , waiting for the prince to grow up . There is also a magical device that used to protect the kingdom from invaders that has been missing . The resistance is searching for this device because it could help them win the war . The main character is a girl . She is also part of the resistance and has been training to get the chance to venture out , to be of actual use to the resistance . She gets frustrated when she is told again and again that she 's not yet ready . She is also in love with the Prince but they have been best friends since they were children . She finally manages to go on a mission with a few other people . In the end , we realise that this girl is the actual princess and the boy was a decoy . Her mother somehow imbued her with the powers of the magical device . She also gets captured and is put with the slaves . The other slaves are told not to help her and that helping her could also get them into trouble so most of the other slaves ignore her . One girl decides to help her because she hopes that the girl really could help them . The girl 's brother ( or brothers ) are not convinced and threaten her not to give their sister false hope . She is abused by the captors and made to work without any food or water . A little boy tries to help her and the guards beat him to death . She tries to protect him and she brings him back to life with her magic . Share this : TwitterPinterestTumblrEmailGoogleLike this : Like Loading . . . By rukminisinghApril 23 , 2015April 30 , 2015457 WordsLeave a comment Spotlight - Summer Queen ( Fairy Queens # 02 ) by Amber Argyle I am a huge of Amber Argyle . I have loved pretty much all the books she has written so far and I was thrilled to receive an Advanced Reading Copy for Summer Queen from her , I love her writing and especially marvel at how she can write such compelling and human characters that are still kick - ass . They never fail to amaze me and I always find myself spellbound by her books . The universe she creates for her characters is so well realised and so amazingly detailed . It is a pleasure to read her books because I know that I will not be disappointed . She is absolutely amazing . I absolutely loved her earlier series ; Witch Song and I am sure that the Fairy Queens series will be even better . So without further ado , let 's get started . She crouched , staring at a man of the desert tribes . Though she 'd contracted with him to smuggle her out of the city , she 'd never met him . They had communicated only through her spies , so now she scrutinized the man who held her life in his hands . He wore the robes and headscarf similar to that of an Idaran , but in muted colors that blended in with the deserts . With his veil tied up , only a thin slit of his eyes showed . He tugged his veil down under his chin , revealing a surprisingly young face , only a couple years older than her . His nose was a little on the big side , and his forehead reminded her of a shovel . But he had liquid eyes the color of sand at midnight and a nice smile , with brilliant white teeth against his dusky skin . This was the most renowned smuggler in two kingdoms ? Nelay tossed him the bag of coins she 'd received in exchange for two of her ceremonial rings . When the high priestess found out , she 'd be furious , but Nelay would deal with that later . " We must hurry - the Immortals are nothing to be trifled with . " Rycus pushed the bag into the folds of his robes without counting the money . He would receive the other half when he returned her and her family safely to Thanjavar . " You don 't have to come with us , you know , " he said . Nelay snorted . He might have a reputation as a fair man , but it didn 't mean he wouldn 't cross her - say , if the king offered more money . " I already told you . It 's not a place marked on a map . " " That is not your problem . " She might be Suka 's favorite , but even the high priestess couldn 't overlook what she 'd done . Nelay 's only hope was to stand in the public bethel and announce herself the next high priestess . Then she had to beat Suka in the game of fire , the winner of which would become the next high priestess . King Zatal wouldn 't dare touch Nelay then . Also please note that the first book in the series , Winter Queen will be available for . 99 cents till today ( sorry today is the last day so hurry up ! ) So click on the link and pick it up . I 've read it and loved it , believe me , you will not be disappointed . Summer Queen is the second book in the Fairy Queens series by Amber Argyle . I am a huge fan of Argyle and she never disappoints and Summer Queen was no exception . I loved Winter Queen so I had high hopes for this book . It took me some time to really get immersed into the narrative for once and I found it especially difficult in the beginning . But as with the rest of her books , I soon found myself getting completely caught up in the events and the numerous characters . Summer Queen is set against the Clans ' invasion of Idara . At its centre is Nelay , an acolyte in the temple of the Goddess of Fire , she is powerful and ambitious . The High Priestess plans for her to wed King Zatal , but Nelay does not share her excitement over this union . She escapes with the help of her friend , Jezzel and together with a few tribesmen , sets out to ensure her family 's safety . While traveling together , she begins to fall for their leader Rycus and the feeling is mutual . When they finally reach her home she is too late . While still at her home , she finds that the Clan forces have come further into Idara than she previously thought . She gets captured by some of the Clan soldiers but manages to escape them . Forced to make her way back to the Idaran city of Dalarta , she finds herself back in the clutches of the king . Not only that , she soon finds herself defending her city and her people against the Clans ' onslaught . Summer Queen is a very well paced novel , it never drags but takes the time to establish all the key players . While most of the action is concentrated in the third half , there is plenty of action interspersed with character development and growth . The writing , as always , was completely immersive and engaging . Normally , I am a very quick reader but this was one of the rare instances where I could pace myself and savour this book . The stakes were certainly very high with the fate of the whole of Idara hanging in the balance . In the Winter Queen , we were introduced to the Clans and for the most part , they were portrayed in the positive light . They were a decent people , not cruel and certainly used to a very hard life . In addition to their harsh living conditions , they also had to contend with the threat of Raiders looting and pillaging . In Summer Queen , we are given the Raiders i . e . the Idarans ' perspective and this time they are on the defensive with defeat looking like a very real possibility . There are instances of brutality on the Clans ' hands ; killing unarmed people , children to name a few . They claimed that they were seeking vengeance for what the Raiders had done to them but in doing so , they had become what they hated without even realising it . They were so blinded by hate that they never stopped to question what they were doing . True , that the Idarans had conquered a lot of lands and imposed their own beliefs on them and hadn 't treated them well but the way things were going , one side was no different than the other . Summer Queen was rich in characters as well , both in quantity and quality . Another thing that I really like about Argyle 's characters is just how realistic they are . Also , she doesn 't write characters that are outright evil or good ( of course there are the odd exceptions . ) This makes for complicated and compelling characters . A prime example of this is King Zatal . He could easily have been portrayed as a tyrant and perhaps he was , but there was more to him that just that . The readers along with Nelay come to respect him because he is brave , cares for his people and willing to sacrifice himself to save them . Nelay was the protagonist and she was an excellent character . I loved her spirit and grit . I loved how capable she was and that she didn 't need men to protect her . Sure she got injured a number of times , but that didn 't diminish the fire inside her ( no pun intended ) Her entire life turned upside down in the space of a few days and instead of falling apart , she blossomed . She went from being an acolyte to becoming the Queen and responsible for the safety of her people and her kingdom . She was a natural leader and a brilliant tactician . When Clans had marched nearly to the palace gates , even then she tried to think of ways to outfox them and she very nearly did . As the Summer Queen , she was majestic and terrifying all at once . What was also notable was that she was ambitious . So often , when we come across ambitious female characters , they are portrayed in poor light or the author is constantly making excuses on their behalf , there was none of that . Her ambition was a strength and Nelay never apologised for it . Side note : I actually liked Leto . She was kind and helped Ilyenna when she didn 't need to . She could have easily let her die but she didn 't . She also helped her stay with Rone . I was sad to see her go . I loved Ilyenna and I was looking forward to seeing her in Summer Queen , I just never expected that she would almost be an antagonist . There are so many similarities between her and Nelay ; they 've both suffered losses and were willing to do anything to save their loved ones . For now they are mortal enemies and their war will rage for some time , but I am hoping that they can in time , see beyond their hatred for each other . I love the love interests that Argyle writes . Yes , they are strong men and protective but they also recognise that the object of their affection is capable in her own right . Rycus was the smuggler Nelay hired to escape her marriage to the king . Their relationship was initially a little rocky but Rycus finally managed to wriggle under her skin . He was funny , charming and clever . He was loyal to his people and once he committed to Nelay , he didn 't hold back . He was a steady presence and I really liked him . There is a love story in Summer Queen , after all , it is the Queen 's consort who helps her retain her humanity and compassion . But I love how subtle their love story was , it was present and very beautiful and sweet but it was also unobtrusive . It was an important part of the narrative but it never hindered the broader narrative . Then there was Jezzel and she was just awesome . Nelay was very fortunate to have her as her friend . She was a staunch ally but also wasn 't afraid to tell Nelay what she needed to hear . She was strong and capable in her own right . She was also protective of Nelay and one of the few people who cared for her without any agenda whatsoever . She was also really funny . I loved her . Then there were a number of secondary characters like Maran , Delir , Scand , Chinab , Bahar and Harrow , who though not very important , were memorable nonetheless . We saw Nelay 's brother , Panar again and he as insufferable as always . Seriously , he was more dislikeable than most of the antagonists . Then there was High Priestess Suka , and I found her fate very satisfying , she got what she deserved . And how can I possibly forget the fairies ? Was it just me or were the Summer fairies not very nice ? They seemed manipulative and a touch cruel . With the likes of Siseth , I wasn 't surprised at Nelay 's unwillingness to be a part of their plan . But once again , there were many different kinds of fairies , each with their own distinct personalities . Summer Queen was an exciting and riveting installment to the Fairy Queens series . With its rich narrative and complex characters , it was thoroughly entertaining and I loved it every minute of it . I can 't wait to read more about Ilyenna and Nelay 's journey . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
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This is the day to day journey of my dogged pursuit of contentment . Come with me as I explore everything from the mundane to the wonderful . We may get lost , but that 's how discoveries are made . This date was selected 11 months ago , in our driveway , on our way to work . Why this date ? Neither of us know , it was just a date , far into the future , that would cement the coveted prize of living on our beloved property , rather than a long line of tenants . The planets were coming into alignment . Tenants had given notice , all thoughts of selling WG had been dashed by a stagnant real estate market , especially acreage such as this , other factors had come into line . Except this day , today , happened two weeks ago . We time traveled into the future . So today , Moving Day , has been and gone . Today is for settling in , unpacking boxes , building wardrobes and hanging clothes , finding homes for all the stuff that makes up our lives . All the million and one little jobs that come after the moving day . It is not a complete house move . We are leaving the old place mostly furnished so it will look better for selling . I think they call this Staged ! I am hoping it sells fast as I want my furniture in my farmhouse . My dresser and dining table that my Dad made , our well lived in leather couch , the sofa for our bedroom , bookcases . But for now , we are comfortable . . and happy . It 's light ( ish ) here at 4 . 30am , although the official sunrise is not until 5am ( or 5 : 03am according to the ABC weather - I always love their unwavering optimism " The sun will rise at 5 : 03am . . . " ) . Tom Dog tiptoes into my bedroom at first light , he shoves his wet , cold nose into my warm blankets and the minute I acknowledge him , two black and white paws launch onto the sheets for excessive pats . When I say enough , he click , clicks on the wooden floor , around the other side of the bed to sniff and poke the princess dog , Minty . She is less of a morning person than I , greeting him with a growl . He eventually flops down on the rug beside my bed , with a melodramatic , teenage sigh and goes back to sleep until 5 : 30 . I get up , dress , and head on out to let the girls out of their house . I have them locked up at night for the moment , just until I can trust their yard to be fox proof . Tom races to the chook pen whilst I am still putting on my shoes , sniffing about for any night time intruders scent . I can hear the girls all clucking and telling me off for taking so long to release them . Once I open the door , four bossy black hens coming racing out , down the step and into the yard . Poor Daphne , the lone Light Sussex , comes out last , keeping well out of the way of the matriarch Daisy . Back to the house to feed Tom Dog , the princess will sleep in for another 30 minutes . He is eating and I make my coffee and empty the dishwasher . We sit on the veranda and enjoy the ' quiet ' of the early morning . I say quiet , but what I really mean is the quiet of nature . Magpies with demanding offspring , Mudlarks , Ring Neck Parrots , Red Tail and Carneby Cockies , Galahs , ducks , Rosella 's , Wattle Birds . . . as my mum says , it sounds like a bird park ! Almost to the bottom of my coffee cup , and there is the short , sharp yap of her majesty . She is blind and old but certainly not quiet and easily forgotten . I carry her to breakfast , and while she eats , I make my bed and put on a load of washing . Its all about multitasking . She is finished her breaky so we head back out to the garden for her morning constitutional and my chance to potter about while I watch her . I am enjoying the watering for now , seeing new seeds sprout , new leaves unfurl , flowers opening . The girls watch me for any sign I might have food , or even better I might open the gate and let them free . They get a few hours each evening , to minimise their enthusiastic harvesting of anything green . There is always a job to do , or a walk out to the paddocks , or up the drive . I can not think of a better way to start my day . Even sleeping in holds no appeal , not when there is so much to do , so much to smile about . The girls house was one of the first things we build before the move . We had to have a safe home for them to come to live in , and only the best for the divas would do . What started as an idea for a lean - to henhouse became a fully lined house fit for humans ! Dad and Mum came up to stay and this was to be our weekend project . Except it took a whole week , plus another few days to make the yard . Built up on stumps , it has a solid floor , jarrah stud frame , and clad in ( brand new ) weatherboard . The weatherboard extravagance was born from two needs - one was aesthetics , we can see the hen house from the house and all the outdoor sitting areas and two , this was the lining we were considering for the house extensions and we could have a trial run and see if we like it . I think we do ! The yard is pine poles with two layers of wire . One had been dug down into the ground with a trench lined in wire too . Then a second layer of chook wire that goes up to the top of the poles . We have also put a wire roof over the yard to stop the crows and maggies getting in . Well I did , and I got what I asked for . Today is the first day in months that I feel I can lift my head and see the progress we have made . ( as in we have been head down , bum up working for what seems like an eternity ) . Remember that move in date we had ? 1st December if you forgot . Well it kinda got shunted forward by a month and I am typing this from the desk in the corner of my lounge room at WG . Yep . We are IN ! I could just now say that the Journey to Contentment is over , we are living in our little bit of paradise and all will end happily ever after . There is always more to the story . The move began as a temporary measure when we had painters come to paint the granny flat and persuaded us to paint the rest of the house as well . Wow , as I write this I realise there are so many things that have happened which all need an explanation . Now that I have time and energy and a desk I can go back and write the posts that will explain all the happenings . So , painters invading the house , the WG house is now empty of tenants and my folks had booked it as holiday accommodation for 10 days . We gatecrashed their party and wickedly put them to work helping us to move . Small price to pay for a free holiday ! Not a full house move , just enough to live and be comfortable . The idea being that Basso house will be left mostly furnished so that it can be ' staged ' to sell . We have the very great indulgence of no time limits other than those we self impose . In a way its an annoying way to move house , in dribs and drabs , but I guess its not nearly as bad as trying to live in a house while its being painted . The other advantage of moving bit by bit is that it gives you a chance to find homes for all the stuff as you go . The logistics are that we are moving from a 5 bedroom 3 bathroom house to a 3 bedroom farm house . The name of this game is Decluttering . We go to Basso , fill up a car or a trailer with stuff and come home and locate homes for it . Being an old house , there are no built in robes or linen cupboards at all . We have purloined one whole bedroom ( just as well we have no kids at home anymore ) as a walkin robe . Wall to wall IKEA has created the ultimate in wardrobes . ( When I walk in there I feel like some rich mans wife with a whole room to store her frocks ! ) This is still a journey , I guess life is like that . Contentment is still not 100 % but it is certainly closer than it was last week . So yep , Bring . It . On . When I started this blog in April 2010 , it was because a few desires needed to be filled . One was the ( seemingly ) unbearable frustration and heartbreak at not being able to live the life I craved and needed to . Time has shown me that I did bear it , and dreams can come true . . . as clichéd as that sounds . So I thought that writing about my journey to this contentment would help me , and maybe , hopefully , help others in a similar situation . The second reason was because I could not find anything to read about other peoples journeys into the tree change . I found only two books written in Australia on the subject , and both had very peculiar bents ( peak oil and living for a year with no money ) . Both interesting books , but not relating to whet we were doing . Still not able to find any books on the subject . What I didn 't expect was the journey to take so long and take such a toll on my health and mental wellbeing . Its hard to keep the enthusiasm going - the rollercoaster has taken me on more ups and downs than I care to recount . We bought the property on 10th March 2010 . We finally have a move in date . Set . In . Stone . 1 December 2014 . Almost 5 years later . However , the journey is not almost over , oh no . This has just been the first phase . The fun part is about to begin . There are sheds to build , extensions to the house , refurbishment of the pool and surrounding area , a chook pen and yard to build , a potager garden , water tanks to install , an orchard to rejuvenate and enlarge , a carport and driveway to put in , gardens to establish , stables to paint , a workshop to be built . And many , many more projects . Bring it on . Today , I get to work from home . Its just as well as uni starts again in two weeks and I really need to get prepared and back into a study routine . This next unit is one I am really excited about - The Making of Australia - at Macquarie Uni . It 's a history unit , my other passion , a nice juxtaposition . I have missed my little home office . Its been months since I had the bliss of being able to work from home . When I say ' work ' I mean sitting at my desk , ready and able to answer phones and emails but in reality I am writing , or doing uni work . Its a great indulgence which I relish and have missed . I have started to daydream about what my new office will look like . . . hmmm might have to start a Pinterest board . . . The book has taken a seat at the very back of the bus at this present time , although I still collect snippets of information and ideas as I see them . And I guess the events of late have been adding fodder to the story . Dealing with a ageing person who needs to be cared for , physically working on the land , trying to juggle - life , not balls . This last weekend was a pearler ! ( This word just cost me 30 minutes and $ 45 - I had to check if the spelling was correct for an Aussie colloquialism , only to find that it was not recorded as such in my normal dictionary . I found it on the Macquarie Dictionary , but had to get a full subscription to get details - which I didn 't mind as it was a online dictionary that I needed anyway . ) Now you can see how time just erodes away . Saturday - we wandered out to WG to meet potential new neighbours ( see post ) and to start getting ready for the bonfire night . A staff member wanted to bring his brother and their sons to have a ' boy ' day and let city kids run about and be allowed to be boys . They had the best time - moving a huge pile of branches to make a bonfire , playing in the stream without a mother in sight , lighting fires , using a blower vac to make the fire rage , riding on the mini digger and getting to make the bucket move , riding in the back of the Ute , playing with the dog , drinking coke and eating chips and Timtams for lunch . When they left , they thanked us profusely - they thanked US - for letting them move a pile of tree branches and stumps that would have taken Mr K and I , all day to move . Mr K and I reckon we are onto something here - get city parents to PAY us to bring their kids for a fun day out doing work and a taste of the ' old days ' when kids had to earn their keep . Sunday - Son # 2 turned 25 today . We let him sleep in for a little while , then I woke him with his very own apple pie straight from the oven . Its become a family tradition and despite it also being Mothers Day , I didn 't mind doing it - a day in my kitchen is a day of bliss for me . Midmorning - Back out to WG as we were meeting with the architect plus to mow the lawns and tidy up for next weekend . Any excuse to just be there suits me , even washing the dishes is a treat . The kitchen sink looks out over my white fences and green paddocks . The stream is running , the grass is greening up , the cockys being galahs , the dogs in doggy heaven - its a wrench to leave each night . Bureaucracy is the bottle neck to all progress . I understand why we have to have it , but this understanding does not alleviate the annoyance . I wonder if this shed got planning ? I do agree and get the whole planning permission thing . I know it 's for my safety that the construction is safe and engineered , but to take 3 months just to approve a shed is beyond my comprehension . A prefabricated machinery shed , one that is put together by professional shed builders , on a concrete slab , on rural land , takes 3 + months to get permission to erect . I bet the old boys who built pole and corrugated iron sheds that still stand 150 years later would roll in their graves if they heard this . The dreaming hasn 't stopped while we wait for the shed permission . Last weekend we were out there with my folks and Mr K 's dad , overflow accommodation for the country people up in the city for my sons engagement . It was wonderful to share with the special people in our lives , our enthusiasm and dreams for this property . Even more wonderful that they share our belief that this is truly a magical place and they all love to stoke fires ! Planning is always at the heart of every great endeavor . I love this stage . It 's exciting and thrilling and all possibilities are open and without constraints . Your imagination is the only limitation . Two weeks ago , I would have replied that I was planning our move to live at WG . Planning to pack up the current house , get it ready to rent out , find a good agent and then tenants . I would say I was planning how we will fit all the furniture in the new house , how we will manage the dogs , chooks , cars , gardens at WG . How to resettle Mr K 's mum and pack all her things and store them . How did this all happen ? It started innocently enough . Mr K had some reservations about the move to WG , not that he didn 't want it to happen , but rather he needed a few ' essentials ' done before it seemed to him that we were moving forward instead of backward . The house at WG is pretty basic . It 's a three bedroom , 1960 's farmhouse . It has been very nicely done up in places , like polished jarrah floorboards , and lovely wooden window and door frames . However , other things are just very basic , like the shower is just a painted cubicle , the bedrooms are pretty tiny , there are no WIR at all and one basic linen cupboard . All things I can merrily live with , but Mr K is giving up a very big and suburban house to go - a - farming with me . All of which was fine , he was happy to move , until it came to his Precious . A pot - holed , gravel driveway and no carport or garage is no way to treat a pedigree Jaguar . To have her constantly covered in red dirt and live outside in the elements is too much to bear for this highly bred beast . Mr K said the compromise was to bitumise the driveway and build a carport , both things I was in agreeance with as I secretly didn 't like the idea of my lovely new white car getting the same treatment . The problem was , where to build the carport so that it fitted in with future plans for extensions . Also , where to stop the driveway so that it didn 't have to be dug up at a later time when we had finalised the plans . Solution ? Get an architect to draw up some concept plans for an extension now , so we know exactly where the carport and driveway will go . So that 's what we did . Which if course was where the whole train derailed and ran away with us . Mr K and I have always had in our hearts and minds a ' one day ' ideal house . We agree almost 99 % of what this looks like . And WG was blossoming as a building site to build this dream home . It had all the elements . So when Mr Architect arrived to view the location , and his face lit up and he started getting all animated and sketching things on his pad . . . well we too let go of all constraints and got excited , silently both making the decision to plan and build now , not two years from now . We justified it to each other on the way home . It will be much better to build now than to be living on a building site . It will be cheaper to do all the land clearing at once , so while we need to do groundwork for a carport , we may as well do it for the building site . We need to match the building materials for the carport and the extensions . If we are borrowing to do the driveway and carport , we may as well borrow it all in one lump sum for the building too ( we really were making excuses now ) . The title of this blog is Journey to Contentment . It started in April 2010 , the same year that we bought our dream property . It was New Years Day 2010 that Mr K and I first saw it . We had been looking for a property just like it for years and we both knew we would know it when we saw it . Many a weekend was spent with a weekend real estate paper and long drives and animated plans . We traveled from Toodyay to Wandering and everywhere in between , finding little gems and letting our imaginations run wild . We came close a few times , but each opportunity had more minus 's than plus 's . On our way to a friends for a New Years Day BBQ 2010 , we took a detour to just ' check out the area ' . We both saw this house , set right back on a few acres of grass , a farmhouse nestled in trees with wide verandas and everything we both always loved . As we drove along the road frontage we excitedly said to each other that this was exactly the type of house we wanted . At the very edge of the land , near the driveway I saw this sign out of the corner of my eye . " Stop " I yelled . . . It said ' For Sale ' . We discounted it . Sadly but resignedly , this area was WAY out of our price range . On the way to our friends , we dreamed and let our imaginations run wild that one day we would buy some land and build that type of house on it . We felt happy to have just seen a perfect example of what we could achieve one day . It was great Mr K and I felt the same way and had the same vision . This was enough . Of course , this didn 't stop me having a little fantasy , somehow finding the money and imagining myself living there . Fantasy is what I lived on . At the BBQ , Mr K and I were still enamored by the vision , so of course we mentioned it to our hosts , one of which was in real estate . She said , why don 't you phone up the agents and see what they are asking for it . My stomach turned over at this comment - excitement that we would ever entertain this step and dread that my fantasy would be extinguished by confirmation this was out of our league . Its the same reasoning I give when I have lotto tickets which I never check - I don 't want to confirm the end of the fantasy by finding out for sure its not a winner . But we did make that phone call , and I watched Mr K 's face closely for a clue . He had his poker face on , so when he got off the phone and gave a listing price that was a lot less than I had ever hoped , I was like a eight year old just told I was going to the Royal Show with $ 5 pocket money ! Our real estate host friend , in true fashion , then fueled and facilitated the fantasy and the rest of this story has a happy ending which I have written about before . It was also the birth of this blog . Today I can say that the waiting , at least , has an end date ! That strange marker of all things new , Christmas * 2014 , is the date we have given ourselves to have moved in by . This property has a special place , a little magic corner that everyone who goes there says the same thing . . . " this would be a great place to have long , leisurely lunches . " Sitting in the waiting room of the Nissan dealership waiting for my new car to have her first service . Have I told you lately that I love her ? Just yesterday , I had to go do the shopping and it was so easy to park and I had a spring in my step because I had independence and freedom and my own freaking car ! These little moments keep cropping up and I go wow , I have MY own car ! And this sounds like I have been some little mousy downtrodden ' kept ' wife who has been held in her place by not being allowed to have her own car . It 's not like that at all . It was just circumstance that led to this situation . First we had the work cars . 3 little Micras at our beck and call to take home whenever we wanted . I could jump in one and go do errands or visit Ikea . ( little constricting to go to Ikea in a Micra - I mean how do I fit in a new bookcase , doona cover , 5 packs of paper napkins , a cutlery drawer organiser , three pots and matching plants , a set of coasters . . . none of which I wanted or needed until I arrived in the great hall ! . ) But as the business got busier and the techs needed their cars , ( how rude ) I found that my opportunities to escape with a Micra were less and less and then I would get a phone call to ask me how long was going to be ? Huh ? You cant predict that in Ikea . It takes as long as it takes people ! Then was the time I was at the hairdressers , a place I find stressful at the best of times , and I was practicing my Zen pose whilst making small talk with an Irish hairdresser I could not understand , when I had no less than 4 calls and just as many text messages asking how long was I going to be ! That was it . Something needed to change . I could have taken the ' ute ' - our Nissan ( see a pattern here ? ) Navara Dualcab ute to Ikea or the hairdressers . Sure I could have fitted an extra 2 seater sofa , matching coffee tables , a shelving system , doona and pillows to go with the cover , but at a cost of my euphoric feeling after having tried to park a huge boys ute with bullbar and winch on the front and treg hitch on the back . Not to mention putting nice things in the tray that last week had gravel and mulch and a bale of hay . And certainly not mentioning the smell of border collie in the front , or the black and white hairs flying all over the place . And how could I possibly get , all dainty like and coiffed hair , into a ute ! And yes , I hear you asking , Mr K does have a car and I can use that . . . but I value my marriage and my sanity . Backing out Mr K 's Jag from our very narrow , long , awkward driveway is just the start of the anxiety . Once you get on the road , there are other nut cases dong stupid things near his precious Jag . Then you get to the shops and drive right down the very back of the parking area so you can get a nice vacant space that is not next to some old clanger whose owner doesn 't give a toss about banging the doors . But then you also panic cause now you have parked so far away from any other people and surveillance and some tosser might run their keys down the car and . . . . no , no , not on my watch . I would rather not be responsible for one little mark on the Jag thanks very much . So that left me carless ( as opposed to careless ) . Well I did get offers from the MIL to take her car . Which was lovely of her but it was so OLD . Not the car , no that 's a couple of years old Nissan Tiida . No , its an old ladies car INSIDE . It has a funny beaded seat cover , old shopping bags , a walking stick , and a walker in the back . A straw hat , and then you turn it on and the radio has some stuffy FM on . I felt like I was 100 years old when I drove it . So , that left me really , really carless ! Opportunity arose when the last payment of then Navara came up and I could salary sacrifice my own car . So what did I choose ? A Jag ? ha - ha . Get real . Not enough Xanax in the world for that . Nope it had to be a Nissan of course . Mr K had seen this new car called a Juke . Looked pretty funky in the brochures and online . So we went for a look . Yes it did look funky but way too over the top for me . I 'm too sexy for this car . . . . the Nissan Juke I went and tried every car in he lot , the Xtrail , Pulser , Juke , and finally a Dualis . I had discounted the Dualis as the first models looked so mundane and ' soccer mummsy ' . But there was this pimped up one , the sports TI with mag wheels and spoiler and leather seats and moon roof and white pearl paint and little rails on the roof . That was it . I fell for her . Which brings me to now . Here I sit , waiting for her to have her bits checked and okayed and we can be reunited . They wouldn 't let me in the workshop to hold her steering wheel . I may have embarrassed myself by sobbing a little . Why is it that Mondays always are the days we give ourselves the good talking to ? The day we start a diet . The day we will set the alarm early and get up and go for a brisk walk . The day we will make a healthy lunch at home to take to work . The day we get ready for work peacefully instead of a hideous rush and leave the house with wet hair and un - ironed shirt ( it looks OK , doesn 't it ? I just wont take my jacket off ) . The day we plan with our partner to have a date night this week . The day we eat Bircher muesli and fresh blueberries for breakfast . By Tuesday we have fallen back into old habits , we tell ourselves that this week isn 't a great week to be starting new routines . We have a meeting with the boss , a visit to the dentist , the car needs a service and besides it 's so bloody hot . Next week I will start . I promise . I will even go buy a new diary today and write myself a proper schedule . It 's like a mini New Year resolution every week . The feeling of being in control on a Monday wanes away as Friday approaches and we collapse in a guilt - fueled , I - give - up Saturday . Sunday night , what I always call Hair Washing Night - as that 's when my mother would wash our hair and make sure all our school uniforms were washed and ready and we were made to pack our school bags ( often having to unpack the fish paste sandwich left there Friday ) - is when we take stock of the less than satisfactory week and give ourselves a talking to , that starting Monday , things are going to change around here . ( Can you hear my mother 's voice here ? I can ! ) So what happens ? Why this roller - coaster ? Is it just me , or ( I hope ) do we all do this ? We must do . I just read an article in The Australian that talks about our 5 : 2 lives . How we live for five days of work that leave us depleted and emptied , and try and fit another life , our social and personal life , into the two days left in the week . I see the problem as having higher and higher expectations . We don 't just have friends over for dinner , we have friends over for a dinner designed by Delicious Magazine , in a house that Grand Designs inspired , with a walk around the garden modeled after Monty Don 's French Gardens . Impossible standards , unless you have a maid and a chef and a gardener . And that 's just a part of the weekend - there is the washing , cleaning , shopping , lawn mowing , pool cleaning , kids sports , car washing , dog washing , blower vac - ing . . . . and on and on it goes . I set my alarm this morning . I had written a plan ( this was after an inspirational writing course this last weekend ) to rise at 6am . Do my chores and be sitting at my desk , coffee in hand , open page and spend the next hour writing . At 6 : 01am I turned off the alarm , mumbled to the dog , " I 'll do it tomorrow " and went back to sleep . In my wisdom ( I know myself well ) I had set another alarm at 6 : 30am . 6 : 32am - I found my phone stuffed under 3 pillows , and turned that alarm off too . Disclaimer - I apologise that my blog posts might sound odd and jaggered . I have spent the last few months ( in blog exile ) writing academic essays . I feel the need to reference everything and write a bibliography . Hopefully I will loosen up a bit as I write more ! It got hacked . Some nasty little Malware got into my blog and it has been shut down for the last 5 months ! I was so scared I had lost you all , and lost me with it . Had a truly scrumptious day today . It all started with a wonderful nights sleep and a mini sleep in . We got to have a little dress up as . . . So we all know that women cope better with childbirth and a cold . Men don 't cope with either . But did you know that there is a thi . . . I thought I knew a fair bit about building , building terms , finishes . materials . I know at a glance what a four by four looks like , I know w . . .
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The capstone ! It is complete ! To be honest , I 'll probably keep working at it after I graduate because a couple of my subjects dropped out last minute and I 'd like to expand the project a bit more . I chose to do a photo essay , which is new territory for me , but I think as a first attempt I 've done alright . I was particularly worried about cohesiveness because being disjointed is usually what causes photo essays to fail . It 's hard when you have many subjects and many locations to get the images to blend together naturally but still be unique . It 's a balance I struggled with , but I tried to keep it simple using shapes and framing to keep the essay from derailing . To really tell the story I decided to include extended captions . My essay was about people who still enjoy the outdoors , either in work situations or hobbies , even in the modern age when there are more and more gadgets to distract people from exploring nature . I interviewed each subject to get a sense of why they enjoyed the outdoors so much , how they came to understand this passion , and how it has changed their lives . A few of my subjects also commented on the changing global landscape and how they think less time spent outdoors will affect future generations . Enjoy ! Susan Hazelwood has been birding since 1980 . Susan explained the difference between bird watching and birding is that birders have more expertise on the birds whereas bird watchers just appreciate looks . She wears the title Birder with the utmost respect . But birding wasn 't always a great interest of hers , " Birding was something my husband did . I tried to ignore it , but it wouldn 't go away , so here I am ! " Susan could only avoid it for so long ; eventually the lure of travel and being outdoors convinced her to take it up as a hobby of her own . The farthest she 's traveled is Alaska , but she likes to go on many birding vacations with other birders around the United States . Her favorite bird is a Trogon , found in the southwest , which she proudly displays it on her license plate . Ducks fly after being startled at Eagle Bluffs Conservation Area in McBaine , Mo . Eagle Bluffs is a destination formigaratory waterfowl birds , such as ducks and geese . There are many reasons why ducks and other birds formflocks . Being in a flock allows the birds extra protection , easier foraging , and better aerodynamic efficiency whilethey fly . Ducks also form family units and like staying together . Deb Schultehenrich is a quail , pheasant , and duck hunter . Always trailing behind her is her dog , Gus , a German Shorthair pointer . Her family passed the hunting enthusiasm on to her at a young age . " Hunting is something I have always done , " says Deb . But her passion for the outdoors goes beyond hunting birds . " I like the fact that every time you go outdoors you experience something different than the last time you were outdoors , " says Deb . " Maybe there 's a turkey gobbling , or the first Dutchman 's Breeches are blooming , or the prairies have turned bright gold , or the snow is piled high on the cedar trees , or maybe it 's just the smell of fresh hay being cut . It 's the place I am most comfortable . " Deb 's noticed a decrease in environmental enthusiasm in the community however . " I am concerned this lack of interest in participating in outdoor activities is having an affect on the public 's relationship with the environment , " says Deb . " This disconnect with the natural environment makes them less likely to advocate for environmental causes or public land acquisition and protection . " Deb attributes this decrease in interest with the changing global landscape . Fewer and fewer people are growing up on ranches or farms , and therefore have less association with the land than people have had in the past . Bradford Farm is a part of MU Extension that conducts research in agricultural and wildlife studies . They also offer educational opportunities to the community about how to manage their crops and land , and how to be as sustainable as possible . Tim Reinbott is the superintendent of Bradford Farm , and wants to help educate the public as much as possible about incorporating wildlife into their agriculture . Tim came from an outdoorsy family with a father who taught him to appreciate the outdoors for what it is : our livelihood as citizens of the planet . Reinbott says he 'd like to encourage farmers and landowners to be more accepting of wildlife and plant more diversified crops and grasses so that they offer better protection for certain kinds of wildlife that aren 't damaging to their land . " Wildlife is much more than pests to farmers , " says Reinbott . He thinks the best way to share this with the community is to hold workshops at the farm , particularly with 4 - H clubs and their families . Virgil decided from a young age that being outside and fishing was what he wanted to do with his life . It was almost everyone 's way of life in his rural , farming community . But with age came more complications and distractions . " I went through the stages of schooling , and kind of forgot what fishing was about . Then came an opportunity for me to go fishing with mentorsalong the way , " says Virgil . His father died when he was six , so he had to find other adult figures to take him fishing . As an adult , Virgil would take friends fishing , and one of them suggested making a business out of it . Virgil then became a fishing guide and outfitter , traveling through Canada and Alaska with small groups . His business eventually led to him traveling abroad , which he thanks fishing for every time he goes . But what really matters to Virgil is camaraderie . " The fellowship people have when they 're hunting and fishing has lent itself to be the best thing that has happened to me . " His favorite job is to take families on trips , which to him makes it a special outing . Virgil says there 's more opportunities now to get families out and fishing together , but people are involved in many things in the modern age , so trying to find time is hard for younger generations to get out into nature and explore it . " A lot of people find other things to do with their time than fishing , which in my opinion is not good , because any outing you do with your family and friends is pretty hard to beat . " One walk over 35 years ago led to Mike Jenner 's passion for rock climbing . Mike was a student at Mizzou at the time , hiking around Capen Park when he saw a couple of guys rock climbing . Curious , he stepped over to them and asked them about it . They were generous enough to let him make his first climb that day . Now Mike travels all over North America for climbing . He thinks that Boone County is a great place to practice his hobby , but his all time favorite is in the Sierras in California . Mike spends many resources and tolerates the injuries from rock climbing because it 's a great mix of skills . " Rock climbing allows you to focus , to drive everything else out . It takes strength , but it 's also a mental sport , " Mike says . You may be strapped into a harness but there 's a lot of courage involved in rock climbing according to Mike . Unlike many other outdoor activities , Mike believes that rock climbing is on the rise . He attributes this to indoor climbing gyms , but he thinks it 's a lot harder of a transition from inside to the great outdoors than most people think . " It 's a good thing that people are climbing more , but I also hate to be climbing in a crowd , " says Mike . Even though Mike wants some quiet when climbing , he usually climbs with friends that he 's met around the country . It 's a good idea for safety reasons , but he also just enjoys the company . Jim Karpowicz got his start in filming from his family . His dad and brother were both in the television business and Jim spent a lot of time learning the ropes and fumbling with cameras . " As a little kid I was always drawn to the creeks and the woods , and I realized as an adult I 'd have to cobble together some sort of career that paid money that would have something to do with the outdoors . " He decided that with his basic knowledge of TV equipment he could start his own business as a nature videographer and filmmaker . " I was able to take the skills I learned at the TV station and concentrate on the outdoors , " says Jim . He continues with a laugh , " I guess it sort of worked , I was able to put a few kids through college , pay a mortgage . " He takes his job seriously though , spending a lot of time while out on the job thinking about frames and setting up equipment , but he says even in that process he has to look up at his surroundings sometimes and admire the career he 's built for himself . He 's been able to travel all over from Nevada to Nicaragua , and is amazed every time that he 's paid to do something he enjoys so much . Yeah , I am leaving off with a Game of Thrones reference . However if I were truly in the Night 's Watch this would mean that I 'm either dead or a deserter . I promise you I 'm neither . I was only contracted to be at Missouri Life for the summer , and Winter is Coming . Ohhhkayyy . You 've witnessed my obsession too plainly . So let me continue by generically saying I 've learned a lot this summer . About photojournalism , writing , regular office hours , how to bring lunch to work , and even editing . And all of it just reassured me that this is the path I want to take . I like being whisked around to different assignments , using my judgment to select photos worthy of my editors ' perusal , and I really enjoy getting to see places I 'd never even imagine going to on my own . The traveling I did for Missouri Life reaffirmed what I 've thought about journalism for quite some time : it 's for those of us who didn 't get to experience it firsthand . I don 't describe the juiciness of a burger or capture a smile for my own benefit ( although it is fun ) , it 's all for the reader who relies on my image and my words alone to share the experience . And who knows ? Maybe it 'll encourage one of you to go try the new Mexican place , or take a day trip to Glasgow . Essentially , journalists are here to serve . Whether it be the hard hitting news you need right away for safety or general knowledge of your community , or the fluffier stories that just give you some hope for humanity . Each has its purpose and that gives me , the journalist , purpose . Thanks for liking knowledge and new stimuli viewers ! Without you I would be even more desolate and penniless . Here are some photos from my most recent excursion to the southwest part of this grand state . You can 't tell me none of those places look intriguing . I 'm a foodie and succumb easily to my vice , food porn , so just looking at that sandwich turns my stomach on full beast mode . It 's embarrassing ; people can hear me . What could also be construed as embarrassing is that I took my mumsy with me on this voyage . She 's close to retirement , and likes to ask off work , and I sure wasn 't going to drive 8 hours all by my lonesome . She 's also very reasonable , a logical Spock - like creature if you will , and she decided we needed to stay overnight and drive back the next day . Praise mumsy for that insight , considering how tired I was by the end of day one . It 's always good to have a road companion , they can help you with directions , argue you with you about where to eat , stop at ridiculous antique malls that require two people to go in and joke about everything they see , and they 're someone to share the fond memories with down the line . So I encourage everyone to pick a magazine or newspaper , and read about what 's going on around you . It doesn 't have to be in your hometown , state , or even country . ( I prefer space travel . ) It 's just important to see the options available to you . Looking at a computer screen thinking about how bored you are isn 't hip anymore . There really is no excuse not to experience your community . And community is in varying degrees of distance , depending on your comfort zone , but test that zone every now and then . I 'm happily surprised every time I do . And if you need a little guidance , just look to the articles , they usually point you in the right direction . 4 years ago Most stories you hear about internships are wrought with errands , impatient bosses , and little to no pay . While I am unpaid , I must say there 's a lot of value in this here internship , and perks besides . At Missouri Life our main priority is the magazine , obviously , but we are also out for hire on special publications , such as books , calendars , and visitor guides . I worked on the latter two for Lebanon , Missouri , which is about two hours south of Columbia . My main job was just to go around and see the sights and take photos of people enjoying Lebanon . That was easy enough , aside from getting turned around and maybe breaking a few traffic laws . But I didn 't realize I would be practically vacationing as well . There was fishing galore at Bennett Springs . What drew me to Lebanon this time of the year was the Brumley Gospel Festival . This was the very festival that booked every room in town and caused me to seek lodging in Osage Beach instead , which is about 30 minutes from Lebanon . When writers or photographers travel to work on a story , Missouri Life tries to set them up for free somewhere by offering the establishment discounted or free advertisement in the future . A trade , as they call it . So I was set up at The Inn at Harbour Ridge , a quality bed and breakfast ( or as I kept calling it , a bread and breakfast ) . To say I was getting the royal treatment would be a cliché but it would be fairly accurate . We arrived and one of the owners immediately showed us around , describing all of the freebies and amenities we were receiving . Then we rested in the room titled " Love 's Nest " , ate dinner there , and returned to Lebanon to cover the festival that had put me at this lovely B & B . When we returned the bed was freshly remade , the lights were dimmed , and our trash had been cleared away . We had only been gone two hours ! I felt almost guilty since I wasn 't technically paying for the room , but they treated us as any other guests . Did I mention there were cookies and chocolate already in the room ? Fresh too . You live the good life at The Inn at Harbour Ridge . Even if I hadn 't gotten to stay at such a fine establishment , I would have enjoyed the trip nonetheless . I enjoy traveling , especially if my gas is reimbursed , and I 'm taking photos of new things . In my 21 years I had only been to Lebanon once before , when I was rather young . And it 's only two hours away from my hometown . It 's an antiquing / thrifting haven ; how could I have missed that ? Oh Heartland Antique Mall ; I wanted to buy up the whole store , all 40 , 000 square feet of it . Another cliché but often true : if you love what you do , you 'll never work a day in your life . Now I may have been walking around in the sun , crouching in corners , standing on chairs , and doing just about everything else to get the shot , but I can truly say that I didn 't feel like I was working that much . " Take photos , " they say , " but of course ! " I respond . It 's what I do , and I wouldn 't do it if I didn 't enjoy it , perks or no . 4 years ago The town story for the October issue of Missouri Life is about Glasgow , Missouri . It 's a town of just over one thousand people along the Missouri River that Missouri Life editor Jonas Weir and myself literally passed by in a matter of minutes . But we would have been the ones missing out if we had truly passed this gem by . A somewhat sudden turn on the right and we were on the main street , aptly named First Street . It was morning and neither Jonas nor myself had eaten breakfast , so the first necessary stop was at Riverbend Cafe , conveniently owned by the town 's mayor . When one hears the word " mayor " , the image of a staunch businessman with a crisp suit comes to mind . He would have a solemn voice and serious demeanor , and use words such as " ordinance . " But the diner owner that came from behind the counter seemed just that , a diner owner . His t - shirt and jeans more than suggested a casual air , and he greeted us with a friendly and easy - going voice that said he was more our equal than a political official . After a conversation with the mayor , we made our way to all of the local sites . Perry 's for a quick ice cream , the Glasgow museum , the library , the Rolling Pin bakery , Glasgow Trading Post , and Henderson 's Drug Store . Each place seemed more historic than the last , but there were renovated buildings with newer businesses that suggested a recent revival in the town . A few different townsfolk said that Glasgow was in a state of disrepair not too long ago . The First Street shop windows were vacant and boarded up and the life seemed to be draining from the struggling town . But somehow the people rallied and Glasgow was the better for it . Each citizen we spoke to say their reason for staying in Glasgow was because of the people . No one is a stranger in Glasgow . Small town courtesy and friendliness seems to be true in this case ; it 's not so uncommon to ask a neighbor for a cup of sugar . I find that refreshing . Business owners spoke of the people not as customers , but as supporters of their livelihood . The townspeople want to help out the local businesses , which is probably why there are hardly any chains in Glasgow . The nearest Wal Mart is in Boonville , and you 'll find no golden arches even on the outskirts of town . The camaraderie is striking ; even compared to a very small city such as the one I grew up in , Columbia , Missouri . I don 't know my neighbors , and there isn 't a cashier at the grocery store that I could name . I can 't help but think the whole world would be a bit better off with some small town loving . It reminds you that the people who serve you , who live next to you , and who are the bosses above you are all humans , and they all have stories to tell and secrets to keep . It was a humbling experience . Despite my " city girl " upbringing , great education , and travel experience , I in fact had not seen it all . I had not seen pure contentedness before I went to Glasgow . I certainly had not seen it over an entire town . Small towns need not breed morose emotions . They have great potential to connect us to others , and can inspire passion in your livelihood and home . There 's a general feeling around Glasgow , which makes the people refreshed and the air easier to breathe . It keeps the local businesses open and the franchises at bay . It 's called respect , and we could all use a bit more of it . So as you 're probably aware of by now , I 'm an intern at Missouri Life Magazine in Boonville , MO . Since it 's a statewide magazine that covers every corner of the state , a certain amount of travel is involved . Now it 's not the size of Alaska , but Missouri is no pipsqueak either . Luckily most of my drives have been in the two to three hour range , although I do have at least one coming up that will be more along the lines of four hours , but I don 't have to think about that just yet . On my last excursion I compiled three different assignments into one trip , so as to save on gas monies that I desperately lack . I went to Lexington for a house story and took pictures of their courthouse , and then I went all the way to Kansas City , which is about 40 minutes from Lexington , to do a wine tasting and snap some quick photos of the Amigoni Urban Winery . The Amigoni Urban Winery is located in downtown Kansas City . It occupies the old Daily Drover Telegram building which was built in 1909 . I 've always been a thrifty , if not miserly so I 'm all about consolidation and use as few of resources as possible to get a job done . So when my mumsy said I was crazy to do three assignments in one day I just said , " psssh , mama please . " Granted the next day I was slated to photograph an outdoor wedding all day . It proved to be a tiring , if not emotionally reassuring weekend . I was doing what I loved ( and getting paid for part of it ! ) which was a great reassurance that I was going into the right line of work . Traveling itself is tiresome , but it is also exciting . I love seeing new places , no matter how small or outdated the locale may be . Just seeing the world from a different perspective is enough to draw me away from home . Since I 've lived in the same place for most of my years , it 's refreshing to go to a small town , or a big city , and ask them why they do what they do . People 's motivations are one of my biggest interests . It 's great to know who 's doing what , but it 's even better to know why . You learn much more about them and the world we all live in . It helps you form your own opinions on life , and may even sway you in the future when deciding where ( or if ) you hunker down . For instance , I would live in Oregon in a heartbeat . I 've been there a couple times , visiting family that lives in the center of the state . Everyone that I came across was just happy . A funny notion , isn 't it ? There were all the large trees everywhere , the average person seemed to have a canoe or kayak on the top of their car , and despite the rainy weather in Portland , everyone had a smile on their face . I heard no complaints and saw no one experiencing road rage . I 'm sure these things do happen , but at a much lower frequency . When I commented on this to a family friend , she said , " Of course we 're happy to be here , we 're surrounded by the majesty that is nature ! It 's no wonder we have an appreciation for the planet with evidence of its greatness everywhere we go . " I thought that summed it up perfectly . I feel my happiest in Missouri whenever I 'm out on a trail hiking , overlooking vistas or when I 'm dipping an oar into a flowing river , wildlife enveloping me from all sides . It really does make you consider Earth more carefully whenever you 're , well , surrounded by earth . So I encourage everyone to travel . Even if it 's just around your home state . I 've lived in Columbia , Missouri for 15 years , and I haven 't seen even a fourth of this state . I 'm surprised every time I take off in a new direction . You don ' Short URL When looking for courthouses I wanted to find some that had intriguing stories , and others that just commanded double takes because of their appearance . The Gasconade County courthouse is definitely of the latter class . High above the Missouri River , it looms regally , demanding everyone 's attention as they enter and leave the German town of Hermann , Missouri . While crossing the bridge over the river into Hermann , it 's hard to look at anything else , it 's almost as if you 're asking permission to enter . My permission was granted . There are no freaky or super interesting stories I could tie to this beauty , but it hardly needs it . It 's one of the only courthouses in Missouri with a view of the Missouri River , and we all know that the river is the lifeblood of this state . It pumps by at a seemingly slow rate while people 's fates are decided , undeterred by the laws that surround it . I would find it oddly comforting , to be sentenced at such a site . At least I could gaze out the window while my life was being judged and written away . I 'd like to think that 's what the builders had in mind when crafting the courthouse in 1896 . Truth is there probably wasn 't much thought other than , " that would be a nice view , " and maybe simple thinking like that is all this world needs to be successful . The view of the Gasconade County courthouse from the bridge over the Missouri River is undeniable . The structure sits over the town like a gate . As my title indicates , this will be the first of what I assume to be many blog posts about courthouses . Riveting at first glance , I know . While my sarcasm subsides , I 'll tell you that county courthouses actually do hold interest to me , and they should interest you too . Missouri Life has put me to the task of photographing and researching unique county courthouses in Missouri . That 's 115 in total including the independent city of St . Louis . A lot to sift through , but I think I 'm the right person for the job . Architecture has always interested me . I dreamt of being two things as a child , a librarian and a real estate agent , ( not an architect though , interestingly . ) I may have also wanted to be a singer at some point , but the interest in buildings and their details has never left me . I still consider that profession to this day , to mix and match with my photography and journalism if it pleases me . Old buildings have a particular intrigue about them - history . I don 't know what it is about dead people and times past , but they fascinate many a person . Ghost Hunters anyone ? Every vacation I go on there 's a haunted old mansion tour or a ghost tour , sometimes both ( hem hem , New Orleans ) . I guess the way I would describe this fascination we have is as a fascination with ourselves . In all honesty , every time I go someplace full of obvious history , I wonder what the world around me now will look like in say , 200 to 1000 years . What would a tour say about my generation ? Would people of the future even care enough to go on tours ? Try as we might to distance ourselves from the past , whether it be our own or in general , there 's always this ancestral tug , beckoning us to look closer at where we came from , what we used to be like and how we came to be the way we are today . All of the advances in the world can 't distract from the wonder of our origins . If there 's anything I learned from Prometheus it 's that we are deeply curious about our beginnings and our purpose . Wow , I got all of that out of some old buildings ? Well , this is what you should get out of this post : We leave behind buildings , scrolls , and images to say something about ourselves to future generations , to stand the test of time . These courthouses , like many aging structures , hold stories , meanings , and mystery . The Phelps County courthouse in Rolla , MO for example was a Confederate and Union stronghold in the Civil War . It has been used as a hospital , jail , and a quartermaster store . I can only imagine the ghosts haunting that place . The original Phelps County courthouse , located in Rolla , MO , was built along the Pacific Railroad for ease of transportation . It proved to be a strategic location during the Civil War and dominated the Rolla horizon for many years . In Boone County , the current courthouse is actually the third , but the remains of the second still stand , aligned with the columns on the University of Missouri 's campus . The columns of the second courthouse were preserved by a conscious decision of the locals to restore them . I can still remember how I felt the first time I saw the columns when I moved to Columbia in 1999 . The two sets of columns looking at each other from several blocks away felt eerily comforting , if those two words together make sense . Remnants of a time past , one is the remains of a fire and the other representative of a torn down county seat , both were saved by locals who admired them . I can see the incredulousness of it , love for stone structures , but when I see them winking at each other from a distance as if to say , " We made it ! " , I can understand why they were protected , to let us in the future know that their mark had been left , and it had been left for us . How we interpret their meaning is up to us , and that 's the exciting part of it , no single interpretation is correct . We just have to know the option is there , and we have the opportunity to leave behind meaning as well … or maybe just mystery . The columns of the second courthouse built in Columbia , MO still stand at the edge of the square , an odd location , but chosen for the purpose of aligning with the Academic Hall columns on Mizzou 's campus . Academic Hall burned down in 1892 , but its columns also remain . And not just any old pageant , this was the official Miss Missouri 2013 pageant . The victor of this pageant would go on to Miss America , which means national T . V . and the responsibility of representing Missouri as a state in front of millions of viewers . Gulp . No doubt these women were seriously focused , but they had an easy - going charm about them that I wouldn 't have expected from women locked in a competition . If they were stressing hardcore , as I would have been , they were well trained in hiding it . The Miss Missouri 2013 contestants rehearsed their opening number the day of their first show . It 's obvious that the contestants would smile onstage , but once backstage I surmised all traces of exuberance would vanish . ( Very assuming of me , I know . ) But alas , their jaws may have relaxed a little and their polished teeth may have shown less , but they remained upbeat and for all intensive purposes satisfied . There were no angry or embarrassed tears , diva moments , backstabbing , or pouting of any kind . They all truly loved what they were doing , and despite their desire to win , found friendship amongst their competitors . Miss contestants met with their families shortly after the first show night ended . Pictures were taken , gifts were exchanged , and congratulations offered . Aside from the contestants ' demeanor , I was also pleasantly surprised by the access I was granted . Out of the three photographers assigned to the story I was the only woman . I believe that made the women feel more comfortable with my presence backstage ( although no one was allowed in their dressing room ) and a lot of them enjoyed having me take pictures of them , which wasn 't too surprising . Miss Missouri Little Sisters filed onto stage for the ending sequence . Miss contestants watched them go by , hand in hand . I thought for sure a mom or pageant organizer was going to tell me to bugger off to the small , press restricted area at the front of one side of the stage , but no one did . They actually helped me maneuver around in the dark behind the curtains by asking contestants to lift their skirts and move aside for me to pass . Overall , it was a very pleasant experience . No journalist likes being told they aren 't entirely in control of how much coverage they can get over their story . That 's just a frustrating part of the biz , especially within photojournalism because photos are pretty damning . Even with all of the photo manipulation tools out there nowadays , pictures are still rather convincing to the average eye . I relied on my old motto while working on this story : don 't ask for permission ; ask for forgiveness . The writer of the story had learned from the main coordinator that I couldn 't take photos anywhere but the press section during showtime . I decided to ignore that command and wandered around , respectfully . I didn 't annoy anyone or get in people 's ways , or tamper with any part of the production . If there 's one way to get blacklisted real quick , it 's to be a clumsy reporter that mucks up the flow of things . So if you plan to heed my advice and ask forgiveness , make sure you 're not on anyone 's shit list beforehand . Miss Heartland walked down the runway after her introduction the first night of the Miss Missouri 2013 Pageant . Hello blog , I have taken a vacation from you for about a month now , and for that I apologize , I hope you can find it in your little electronic heart to forgive me . I have been quite busy since our last encounter , hence the absence , but I have returned with stories to tell . I finished up my junior year of college ( scary spice ! ) a month ago , and have begun my internship at Missouri Life Magazine in good ol ' Boonville , Missouri . I must say , I 'm normally not a fan of small towns ; they often have a desperate or neglected air about them that is not very becoming . They give me the eerie feeling of going back in time , as if they 're a stagnated bubble , unable or unwilling to move forward and leave their time capsule . There is a fine line between stagnation and whimsy . Boonville lies on the whimsy side , thankfully . Boonville doesn 't seem to have the abandoned buildings other small towns boast . The old buildings here are from an era much less recent , but they are beautifully upheld and refurbished , and a shop or a resident occupies most . Boonville has character , plain and simple . It 's hard not to have character when located right next to the grand Missouri River . Where is a better place to have a Missouri magazine located than on the Missouri River itself ? Nowhere , I tell you . It was along the river where many a settlement was established when the Europeans moved in . It was their transport , their sport , and their livelihood . We owe a lot of our current cities and towns to the Missouri River . And it 's not too bad too look at either . One of the many rooms i the Frederick Hotel that I 'm allowed to work in . Bliss ! Speaking of character , the offices Missouri Life Magazine occupy are chock full of it . They 're located in the historic Hotel Frederick , which is right next to the Missouri River . It has high ceilings , wood floors , oodles of details and tall windows ; it 's essentially my dream office . Aside from the intern room , I 'm allowed to venture around the hotel and work in common areas that are open to guests as well . They are usually vacant and charming , and offer that much desired silence sometimes . When I came to interview for the internship I thought , " I could definitely get some work done here . " That is always a good sign . While adventuring around Boonville the other day , I came across another unique feature of the Frederick property , a horse . I was in the back of the building , overlooking the Missouri River , and believed myself to be alone . Needless to say I was startled when I came across a horse standing beside the dumpsters . I looked to see if it was tied up , and it was , ( a bit loosely ) . So I thought it safe to take a picture from a little distance . It didn 't seem to mind and we both went on with our day . A horse behind a hotel is not so uncommon in Boonville . A horse and buggy can be seen any time of day on one of the small downtown streets , just trotting along without a concern for the cars around it . Here in this historic - meets - modern town , looking out of an historic hotel , Mac Book Pro all lit up , it seems just right .
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- - * ' ' ' ' ' Saved ' ' ' ' ' - - This movie is about teenagers at a Christian school . It is very religious so religious people would love it . They would relate best to Mandy Moore who plays the popular girl trying to save everyone . This movie is also for people who aren 't religious because it has , my favorite character , Cassandra : a Jewish bad girl . She falls in love with Mandy Moore 's crippled brother . This movie involves gayness , a teen pregnancy , and a love affair . I dislike the fact that the pregnant girl didn 't get an abortion , but everyone supported her even though I didn 't . This movie has a happy ending , so if you like those here you go . - - Review by Devin , grade 12 - * [ http : / / aries . jmrl . org / record = b1265114 ~ S9 ' ' ' ' ' Wither ' ' ' ' ' ] by Lauren DeStefano * [ http : / / aries . jmrl . org / record = b1265114 ~ S9 ' ' ' ' ' Wither ' ' ' ' ' ] by Lauren DeStefano I thought it was great ! At first I was skeptical of it having polygamy in it , since that 's not really my thing , but it turned out well . Rhine 's choices throughout the book are what gripped me . I don 't want to spoil anything , but I can definitely tell something is going is going to happen with her father - in - law . I can 't wait to read the next book . I thought it was great ! At first I was skeptical of it having polygamy in it , since that 's not really my thing , but it turned out well . Rhine 's choices throughout the book are what gripped me . I don 't want to spoil anything , but I can definitely tell something is going is going to happen with her father - in - law . I can 't wait to read the next book . Ratings are on a scale of 1 to 5 , with 5 being the best . Newest reviews appear at the top of the list for each star rating . Contents I LOVE this book ! It took me a while to get into it since I thought it was a " flat book " ( my term for not very funny books since I lean towards witty books ) at first , but I was proved wrong by the dry yet witty humor . I also thought it would be a zombie tale because of the back , but it wasn 't . It 's an epic survival tale of things that go bump in the night ! When I read this book , I stayed up all night until I finished it . I actually wrote a little fan fiction about Tris and Tobi ( aka Four ) . Anyways , you see Tris in the beginning as a girl from Abnegation . Abnegation is where you put others before yourself . And she really doesn 't like that lifestyle , but she doesn 't hate it either , so she sticks with it . So when choosing day arrives ( the day where you choose any other functions to live in , including you own . The others are Dauntless ( bravery ) , Amity ( peace ) , Candor ( honesty ) , and Erudite ( intelligence ) . ) , she chooses Dauntless because she feels oddly draw to it . So you follow this initiation process that is so hardcore , it leaves you breathless . Plus , some mystery and romance gives it a nice touch . A great read . Review by Jessica , grade 8 Divergent 's sequel left me wanting more ( Allegiant is coming out soon ! ) . This was another up all night read . This book goes deep into the Amity culture and reveals the plan that was that was so fishy in the first book , about how Euridite was releasing claims about how Marcus was treating his son , Tobias ( aka Four ) . What is that about ? How does that have to do with Tris ' mom ? One choice can destroy you . Review by Jessica , grade 8 OMG ! The Clique was a suspenseful , dramatic , realistic fiction about Massie , Kristen , Alicia , and Dylan . They have a " clique " , the most popular clique in school . Then Claire movies into Massie 's , the head of the clique 's , house . Her world is turned upside down ! THIS BOOK ROCKED ! ! ! The Duff brings up many self - esteem issues that go through the minds of teenage girls . I think my favorite character is Wesley , the playboy ! Though Bianca constantly disses him , he still is kind ; even with his own problems to deal with . Things like loneliness , a broken family , and parents who are never around . This is definitely a more mature teen book ( 14 + ) . Review by Taylor , grade 10 I loved this book because it is a great continuation of the 39 Clues series . My favorite character is Dan because he likes to solve puzzels . I think people who like the 39 Clues series would like this book ( 9 - 14 ) . I loved this book because of the interesting storyline and the series . My favorite character is Dan because he has a photographic memory . People who like the series would like this book . Ages ( 9 - 14 ) . I loved the CD very much ! The pop sound is very on point with what they say it is . I like it just as much or even more than the first CD called Up All Night . The best song in my opinion is I Would or She 's not afraid . One of my least favorites was Rock me it was more hardcore than the other songs but just a little bit less of a good song than the others . It 's definitely a bubble gum pop maybe a bit of rockish pop . I think teenage girls 11 - 17 would like this CD . I love it a lot and so do some of my friends my age . I loved this book because its plot was suspenseful . Also I liked the adventure and fighting . My least favorite character was Jeb because he was a mean mad scientist . My favorite character was Maximum Ride . She was leader of her group and trying to save the world . Also she is a bird mutant . I think people who love to read suspenseful , sci - fantasy or adventure books , should read this book . I couldn 't put this book down ! Bad Island is a great graphic novel because it shows a disagreeing family who takes an adventure and starts acting like a real family instead of enemies . My favorite character is Reese because he 's the athletic type who likes to be alone sometimes . This would be a good book for people who like action and adventure . I loved this book because of all the action . My favorite character is Jonah because basically he gets what he wants . I think people who like the 39 Clues series would like this book ( 9 - 14 ) . Ella Enchanted is one of my all time favorite books . My friend gave it to me and said that she had read her copy so many times the binding broke . I have already read it about ten times . This is a wonderful book for all ages about a girl who is cursed with obedience . And AMAZING story for sure ! Storm Thief is a very good book . It 's full of action and adventure . Also , some fantasy . My favorite character would probably be Rail because he is determined and loves adventure . I would recommend this book to anybody who likes the Ranger 's Apprentice series or just loves action and adventure . I really liked this book because it is showing really hard work . They trying really hard to earn money . You will have to read the rest to find out what happens between this brother and sister war ! I really liked this book ! It was full of adventure and a little bit of mystery . Doon and Lina are the main characters that go on an amazing and exciting adventure trying to escape the city because soon the city lights are going to go out forever ! This book is good if you like adventure . First of all , I liked this book because every page I read was full of suspense . It wasn 't a boring book . My favorite character was Lady America and my least favorite character was Prince Maxon . It 's a young adult book . If you like to read fantasy stories and romance stories you should read it . " All who accept this challenge to the 39 clues will receive a clue that might lead you to the most important treasure in the world and make you powerful beyond belief or it might kill you . " ( page 20 ) . I loved this book because of the great idea Rick Riordan had to make a quest for 39 clues . I loved the way he incorporated historical facts with a modern day quest . My favorite character was Dan Cahill because he has a photographic memory . I think it would be cool for you to just look at something and memorize it quickly . I think kids from ages 9 - 14 would like this book . The race continues to find the 39 clues that safeguard a great power , and 14 year old Amy Cahill and her younger 11 year old brother Dan are shocked to find themselves in the lead . I loved this book because the clues revolve around a different historical figure this time it was Mozart . I enjoyed learning about Mozart 's life , and visiting museums and famous cities where Mozart preformed . My favorite character was Dan because he likes anagrams and puzzles just like me . I think people who liked the Maze of Bones would like this book . The Sword Thief was another good clue hunt . I was surprised that Amy & Dan teamed up with Uncle Allistair and then added Ian & Natalie to find the 3rd clue . I liked this book because of the way it was written . I just couldn 't put the book down . My favorite character was Dan because he loves math and is good at it just like me . People who liked book # 1 and # 2 would love this book . I loved this book because I could never put it down . I read it everyday . My favorite character was Amy because she can see the big picture . I think people who like the rest of the series and kids in middle school would like this book . I LOVED this book because of it 's inspiring story . though it isn 't action packed I think it 's a page turner . The story was about love , friendships , trust and hope during an immense change in a girl 's life . OF all the books I 've read in all eleven years of my life Paint the Wind is my favorite . Review by Mekenzie , grade 5 First of all , I loved this book because I wondered what happened to Alianne . My favorite character was Alianne because she was a brave spymaster . My least favorite character was Sarai because she was beauty but annoying character . I think people who are interested with fantasy , violence , and monarchy should read this book . Review by Lynn , grade 11 The Selection by Kiera Cass I loved it because the last time I read book 2 , I adored it . However , I didn 't know there was book 1 , so I read it . My favorite character is Lady America because she was a nice and shy lady . My least favorite character is Prince Mason . I didn 't like his personality and his background . I think people who like reading fantasy and young adult books . Also people should read it because every page I read was filled with suspense . Review by Lynn , grade 11 Some of my friends had me get this from the library , they talked about it so much that I just had to check it out . And I am so happy that I did . Cass had me hooked from the very first paragraph . I stayed up until midnight reading this and as soon as I finished it I bought the second one on my nook . THE SELECTION is a beautiful written book that I am going to read over and over again until I get so sick of it I put it in a box and put it in my closet until I go to college . The thing I loved most about this book was hearing about all of the outfits the Selected got to wear to all of the events . It made me wish I liked there even though they have a caste system worst ( and in some ways better ) than the one they used to have in India . In this novel all of the gowns that the young ladies wore were hand sewn by each of the Selected personal maids . If someone asked who my favorite character was I would have to say America because she is so independent and so opinionated . I feel that is the way all women should be , well most anyway . I like how she talks the Prince Maxon sometimes , she treats him as an equal not like a One ( the highest caste . ) You see more of this personality in the second book , which I loved . The thrilling squeal to Wither , main character Rhine continues on her journey to find her brother and reach her home back in Manhattan . Rhine and her friend / lover Gabriel trek up the East Coast of a futuristic America . But while they get closer and closer to their goal , Rhine gets more and more sick . Dangerously high fevers and ultra severe flu symptoms show up but there is no cure until . . . one day , her old enemy shows up on her doorstep when she is at her weakest point ! What happens to Rhine ? Does she find her brother ? Read this fast paced adventure to discover her journey . Cactus aka Yamada - San asked out Fujioka - Kun , but was rejected . Then a snobby rich prep student comes in and makes a scene ! Fujioka - Kun is not happy . Yamada - San bumps into an old friend of Fujioka - Kun 's . Things get crazy ! The rich boy fed up with Fujioka - Kun . He makes a plan to get Fujioka - Kun expelled , and it works . Yamada - San pleads for the rich boy to let Fujioka - Kun back in school ! So , to prove the rich boy 's love , he let 's him back ! But who knows what they will do ! ? I love this series ! It 's 1 of my favorite series and this book was 1 of my favorite book in the series . I like how Harry found this connection to Voldemort even though it lead to Someone 's death . I also like the connection because it shows he 's actually 1 of the few people who can defeat him . My favorite character was Harry mainly because he 's the person the series is about . I LOVE HARRY POTTER ! ! ! Review by Lipi , grade 7 If you 're reading this it 's too late is an exciting book written by Pseudonymous Bosch . It 's a thrilling novel mixed with humor and suspense . My favorite character is the Homurculus . It is a small creature that is grumpy and has a humorous but bad attitude . My least favorite character is Mr . L . He is a evil man determined to have a young life forever . He goes to extrmeme ways . People in middle and elementary school will enjoy this book . Especially people who enjoy thrills . Out of My Mind is a wonderful book for all ages . The main character , Melody , is disabled and I love stories that show people doing something unthinkable . My favorite character was Melody because of her personality , and my least favorite characters were Rose and Claire . Rose seemed nice , but then let Melody down , and Claire was just plain mean all the time . I think that this is an excellent book and that everyone should read it . Project Sweet Life is an amazing book because it 's so interesting how these 15 year old boys will do anything to make easy money without getting a summer job . My favorite character is Dave because towards the end of the book he uses his brains in a smart way to solve the mystery . I recommend this book to teens who are willing to make money without having a summer job . I liked Ben Hur because of the journey of Ben Hur had . He was a prince and their paddling boats in Roman ships and then being a chariot race winner . My favorite character was Ben Hur because he is smart and determined . I think people who are 12 and up . I loved this book because of the suspense and action . My favorite character was Dan because he proves if you try your hardest you can achieve . I think people who like the first 4 books will like the book . Also , people from ages 9 - 14 would like this book . I loved this book because of the creative writing by Jude Watson . My favorite character was Dan because of his creative and imaginative thinking . I think people who like the first 5 books will like this book . Also , people from ages 9 - 14 would love this book . I loved this book because every page I read , there was danger . My favorite character was Maximum ( Max ) Ride . She was a great leader and she was bird mutant . My least favorite character was Ari . He was mean bully and he is Eraser . I think people who like mutants or fantasy should read this book . I loved this book . I thought it was very interesting & I couldn 't put it down . I loved how Anne Frank wrote . She seemed to be absolutely truthful in her journal , and I liked that . I could really relate to her , as I think many can . I laughed out loud at parts and was devastated when I read the end note , even though I already knew that the members of the Secret Annex met unfortunate ends , including Anne . Afterwards , I was slightly overwhelmed by thinking about all the individual lives that were cut short in WWII . I only had one dislike of the book : that her dad edited it ! Who would want their dad editing & reading their journal ? But all in all , this book was amazing & one of the best I 've read ! Inkheart is a wonderful , exciting story . I loved it because characters got to come out of the books . There is also a movie which is really cool to watch . My favorite character is Meggie because she read Tinkerbell out of the book and because she shared her father 's gift . I think all ages could enjoy it except for really small kids . I love this book because it was from a teenage 's perspective . My favorite character was Ruby . I think this book is for people who are 12 - 17 or are just big fans ( like me ) of Sarah Dessen . A little boy named Willy is going to race in a dogsled race , because his grandfather is very sick . While his grandfather is sick a tax collector comes bye and Willy 's grandfather is sick , he doesn 't have the money . So the tax collector has to take the house , but there is a lot of people racing in the race , and one of them is Stone Fox . He has never lost a race . This is a series of twelve books that I am reading . I love these books becuase they are filled with action , worry , and suspence . Callum Ormond is my favorite character . He is a hunted fugitive and is now on the run . Callum is only 15 years old and he has to survive 365 days . I think that people who like action book would like this . Ages 10 to 15 would probly like it . I love this book because it had a lot of action in it . I had a lot of favorite characters . This book is filled with action , humor , and mystery . This book is for kids who like action and humor . I loved this book and so will you . Their are 4 books in this series so read them all . I love this book because it is about a bunch of friends putting something together . My favorite character is Kate because she never gives up and you can tell she is kindhearted and determined . She didn 't stop trying to earn money for her dad 's b - day present . This is a great book for kids that are thinking about having a lemonade stand . A World Away is about a 16 - year old named Eliza , who has been Amish all her life . She has never tried on a pair of jeans , never made a phone call , or watched TV . She is asked for a nanny job for two kids , and excited accepts . She learns the good , bad , and the ugly of learning of love , life , and lessons of the non - Amish world . She learns that most of the time , the life your blessed with is the life your meant to belong to , even if it doesn 't seem that way . This was a phenomenal book ! I liked this book because it made you think about what is going to happen next . My favorite character is Meg . I like Meg because you can tell she is adventerous and likes taking risks . I think kids from 4th grade to 7th grade would like this adventerous tale . I liked how the author made the setting feel like the future and it could happen . I felt like every chapter Lena was changing and starting to realize love is good and it is something to celebrate . I liked how the ending was put together . I feel like this was a fast paced book that left me wanting more at the end . I thought it was a great book . review by Megan , grade 9 I like it because it was kinda like me . My favorite character is Nikki J . Maxwell . Recommend to 10 , 11 , 12 , and 13 year olds . I felt that Beautiful Creatures had a great story line . I liked that they placed it in the real world . It made it feel like it could happen . I liked how they made the connection with Lena and Ethan . It made it feel magical . All around it was a great book that most people would like to read . Review by Megan , grade 9 It 's very captivating with major romance and mystery . A simpleton guy from a small town finds out that this new summer time city isn 't all its cracked up to be . There are real vampires and some aren 't as friendly as they seem . It is truly a must read for the summer . Review by Robin This book is easy to read and keeps you wanting to know more . Personally , I loved Gus , he was sweet and hilarious . This book is perfect for anyone in middle school or up ! Review by Amanda The book I 'm doing my review on is " Matilda . " I picked Matilda because it 's one of my favorite books . I also enjoyed the movie . Matilda is about a little girl growing up on her own in a family she doesn 't belong . She discovers that she has magical powers . In the end she was adopted by her teacher which she loved , and they lived happily ever after . Curing disease seems to be the new big thing around books these days , yet out of all of them this just might be my favorite . First starting it I thought it was as boring as all heck and put it down , but like anything you can 't start something and not finish it so , I did and absolutely loved it . I highly highly recommend it and if you have the same trouble as me , push through it : I promise it gets better , way better . The characters are really interesting , but I think it is the plot that is the most intriguing . I would recommend this for the young adults age group ( teens ) . Clearly with a rating of five , I enjoyed this book . It was a play off of the original story " Cinderella , " a story that I basically hated as a kid because the main heroine was pathetic and never stood up for herself . The tomboy Cinder is the exact opposite , someone people can actually relate to and an all around likeable character . Cinder was very much original because it didn 't take the exact same story / plotline and rewrite it as a modern story , but took the basic skeleton of the story and added tons of new components making it a new story . It might have been pretty predictable throughout , but overall was really good , so I 'm excited for the next 3 books ! This book was outstanding ! Yes , it was and is most definitely meant for an older audience ( teens and such ) but half of the obscenities are what make this book so great . I 'm sure a lot of teens can relate to what went on in this book . It was hilarious , thought provoking , heart wrenching , and just about every other emotion there is all at the same time . I myself did not enjoy the back cover 's description . I don 't think it made for an intriguing sort of " explanation " , but ignore the back . I did and LOVED this book . So obviously I recommend this book , along with his other books which are also really good . This review is on " Witness " . I chose this book because it is a good / sad book . This book is about a lot of different things but it 's basicly about a Klu Klux Klan group in a small town in Vermont . This book is very racist but it ends up being good in the end . My favorite character was Esther Hirsh a 6 year old girl from New York . Review by Mariah , Grade 9 My book review is on " The BFG . " Also known as " The Big Friendly Giant . " This is a very popular children 's story . I read it for the first time when I was in 2nd grade . This book is mainly about a little girl named Sophie who lived in an orphanage , and one night she was awake and was kidnapped by a friendly giant and taken to giant land where many giants lived . In the end the giant was able to come live with everyone and treated normal . My favorite character was Sophie because she was intelligent . I really liked this book . With many twists and turns it made for suspenseful and exiting reading . I was so happy with it I ended up reading the whole 11 - book series in about a month ! This book was really great . I had seen it on shelves for quite some time and it wasn 't until a while that I picked it up and really saw its … awesomeness . Although I must say it got a little confusing eventually . Bloomability is about a girl who 's family moves a lot - ever 6 months to a new place . Soon she is sent to Switzerland , which she hates , and learns how to speak Italian , Spanish , Japaneze , and French at an American School . She soon makes close friends w / some of her peers and goes on a skiing trip w / them . Two of them are burried in an avalanche , and I won 't tell you if they survive . She soon loves this school and can not bear to leave her friends ( some who are not coming back next year ) and their is no guarantee she will . She soon learns the value of friendship and that no one will ever forget her . Responsible Rosalind , future astrophysicist Skye , Jane the author , and shy batty along with their father are on their way to the summer of their lives at Arundel , home of Jeffrey and the despicable Mrs . Tifton . There will be love . There will be brownies . There will be butterfly wings , bunnies , and bulls . There will be heartbreak , writing , and piano . And , there will be Algebra and roses . Sweet Venom is a wonderful book . It is a fun , exciting take on Greek mythology . I really like the author 's style of writing , she uses descriptive language to create the atmosphere and setting . This book is about three girls who discover that they are long lost triplets , and also descendants of Medusa . They have to keep the mortal world safe from monsters who come out of an abyss to feed on the humans life force . Gradually the wall that separates the mortal word from the abyss starts to break and more and more monsters start to escape the abyss and come into the mortal world . I thought it was great ! At first I was skeptical of it having polygamy in it , since that 's not really my thing , but it turned out well . Rhine 's choices throughout the book are what gripped me . I don 't want to spoil anything , but I can definitely tell something is going is going to happen with her father - in - law . I can 't wait to read the next book . Have you ever wondered what it 's like to live the life of a glamorous 12 year old ? Well now you can know . Massie Block is a ridiculously rich 12 year old who owns designer bags and clothes . Massie is very content with her " clique " until Claire moves in . Will Massie be able to accept a new girl in her group ? This book has what my local librarian calls " right of passage . " You have to get through the first part before the book becomes any good . That is what happened with this book . However once I got past the slow part I loved it . The characters were extremely dark and I loved that . There are not many books that has many dark character that are fighting for good . Other than this there are not many things to report back . It was a good book , but any mistakes that really jumped out at me . Review by Paige , grade 10 There were some parts in the book that the dialogue was not the best in the world . There were a ton of times that the author made the characters say , " Oh , blah blah blah . " I do not know about you , but that makes me think that the character is sighing or having an epiphany . I did like the depth of the characters , and the range of them . Polly Shulman has a three year old as a hero in this novel , I think that just comes to show that she thinks that anyone can be a hero , no matter what their size . Another character that you would not suspect to be a hero , Jaya , a ten year old girl . She figures out things that the teens in the novel would never figure out . Review by Paige , grade 10 I think the book is very fast paced . Even when they were in the peaceful country Alex still got shot at by a bunch of spoiled stuck up boys . The action never stopped from the beginning to the end . I loved it because it was a book based on comparison between boys & dogs and girls & cats . My favorite character was Yumi , Annabelle 's friend because of how much she loved animals . A sixth grader who was new at school and wanted to be able to blend in . I liked this book because it was funny . The outfit designs were pretty . You can tell that Annie has a big imagination . In this book you 'll see a blast of fun and style ! Terrier is the first book I 've read by Tamora Pierce , who people have been recommending to me for a long time , so perhaps I went into it with my expectations a little too high . Or maybe reading murder mystery books geared for adults has ruined me for reading Young Adult murder mysteries . Or it could have been that my dubious talent for spotting the hidden bad guys of a story kicked in , but by the 300th page , I knew what the ending was going to be . I knew who shadowed ( geddit ? ) antagonist was . So for me , it was a bit of a drag reading the last 200 odd pages in the book , only to have everything I 'd already known confirmed in the last five pages . Of course , as I said , my realizing the whole ending could just be one of my talents for guessing plot lines , so don 't let that turn you off of the book . I also wasn 't a fan of the first couple pages , but that 's a matter of personal style preference , so I 'll let you draw your own opinions . Now that I 've gone over what I didn 't like , I start with what I did , The heroine , Rebakah , was strong , with a large supporting cast who helped her along , but it didn 't feel like they were constantly having to rescue her out of everything . She was clever , if slightly naive , but that fades as the book progresses . Tamora Pierce certainly knows what she 's doing in creating a tough girl . The world was very interesting , and I enjoyed learning more about the Dogs , the peacekeepers of the land . They do use slightly different language , so that can take a little while to get used to , but if you 're really stuck on a word , try the glossary in the back . There 's also a character index and a list of terms it can be good to be familiar with as you learn about their world . I 'm not sure that I had a favorite character , but I was fond of Rosto , the roughish character who sweeps in a few chapters in , and Beka 's two Dogs , Turnstall and Goodwin , who are charged with training her from a training puppy into a full - fledged Dog . I would recommend this book to tweens or younger teens with a taste for resourceful , stroReview by Thea I think this book is interesting because it 's about 3 fifteen year old boys who are told to find summer jobs but they will do anything to have freedom for their last summer before they enter the working world . My favorite character would be Curtis because he acts like a leader . This book is perfect for the teens who are trying to get out of there summer jobs . First of all I liked this book because I liked how the wolves find the new land . My favorite character was Gwyneth because she was a brave owl and I love Guardian of Ga ' Hoole series . My least favorite character was Edme . She was an annoying wolf . I think people who like wolves . Rhine Ellery lives in a futuristic society where women die at 20 and men die at 25 years of age . There are some who are researching the possibility of an antidote but few live long enough to make progress . Rhine is a strong - willed 16 year old who is kidnapped and introduced to a new wealthy lifestyle , but what she discovers is so horrible she knows she has to escape somehow . And housemaster Vaughn is watching around every corner . Is Rhine able to escape ? Is she able to find an antidote to the disease that is wiping out the human race ? Check out Wither today ! The Serpent 's Shadow by Rick Riordan is about two kids ages 14 and 12 who are magicians . It 's about the Egyptian gods . I loved the book because it was full of adventure and action . The reason that I only give it 4 stars was because sometimes it talks in to much detail . The funniest part is when ( pretty often ) the brother and sister fight . It is told in past tense so they fight while they 're narrating . And that is what i think of The Serpent 's Shadow . Review by Reese " The Hardy Boys " is an awesome chapter book series that is FULL of mysteries , on after another . The main characters are 2 teens , Joe and Frank Hardy . You should read this book if you like mysteries . According to a Gallop poll , 92 % of Americans were aware of Nixon 's visit to Communist China in the 1970s . His visit broke a decades long silence of formal communications between the US and China . This cemented a new start in Sino - American relations and both gained a bargaining ship against a common enemy : the Soviet Union . Margaret MacMillian did not just describe and dissect Nixon 's trip ; instead , she explores the lives and background of the main characters : Nixon , Kissenger , Chou , and Mao . She also explains the large amount of background work that had to be conducted in secret in order to make the trip possible . Bear in mind , this is a serious historical read , however ; you will learn the intricacies and some funny anecdotes behind politics and diplomacy . Review by Jemmy , grade 12 As the person I am , I have read almost all of Meg Cabot 's books . This series is by far the best that I have read of hers . She actually make the person who is in the position of Hades seem normal and like someone who was actually a man . Someone who knows what it feels like to die , through that he shows more sympathy than in other characters I have seen who have played the role of Hades . I also loved how John has more background , something more interesting , than the normal stories about the lord of the dead . This book is a lot less confusing than the first book , which is good . Where the first book flips between past and present a lot , this book stays with Pierce the entire time . This book also explains a lot more in a lot more detail , mainly because the main character is not as clueless in this book than in the first one . Some of my favorite parts are when she sees the curtains fluttering . I like this because the curtains are white and seem symbolic in a place of death . It makes me think that there is innocence and purity in the Underworld . It also makes me think that Pierce is getting to start over , that the white curtains mean a clean slate for her . It is kind of like the pomegranate in the Underworld , everyone thinks it is one thing , when it actually means something else entirely . Some parts of the dialogue were a little weird for me . I don 't know why , but whenever someone puts something with and " Oh , " in front of a name it just sounds ridiculous . I loved this book . When I read the first one I couldn 't believe it was over . There had to be more to Rebecca 's story , and I was right . This book takes you back into the life of Rebecca Brown , a normal teenage girl who can see ghost , but not all ghost , just the ones that let Rebecca see them , or if you are holding a hand of a ghost . That is how Frank notices Rebecca ; he saw her with Lisette the year before when they walked to her house in the Treme . In this part of the Ruined series you can really see the characters flourish . There is Rebecca who shows that she is strong and confident ( most of the time . ) Anton who now shows that he only believed in ghost because of the curse on the Bowman family and believes that Lisette was the only ghost in New Orleans and tries to fight it off when Rebecca tells him otherwise . Ling , a ndw character , who is like a confidante for most of the book , but then she really shows her intelligence in the end . Then you have Toby , who you think is even more of a nut case than in the first book . The only bad thing about this book is that it is really confusing at the end . What happened to Delphine ? Why did she move on ? Was it because she saw that Frank was moving on ? Then the Epilogue was kind of confusing too . It kind of leaves you wondering what is happening here ? Does this mean that Paula Morris is thinking about writing a third book , making this into a large series , or just keeping it down at two ? This book was amazing , however it was too short . Throughout the entire book I felt like something more could be explained . Or what as explained could be elaborated more on . However , Josephine did an excellent job with what she wrote . Everything made moresense in this book than any of the others , ( which is what she wanted to do , I think . ) and was beautifully crafted so everyone ( well , almost everyone ) got their happy ending . Reading through this series it was exciting to see how each person changed and developed , even though some did not . Characters people didn 't like very much get some justice behind them and end themselves with very noble acts . The only true problem I had while reading this story was the epilogue . It felt way too long and that the author was trying to rap up a story that wasn 't completely closed . I feel that if she wanted to Josephine Angelini could write another novel that explains more of what ends up happening to everybody . Some parts I was okay with the wrap up ( Jerry and Kate ) and others I wasn 't ( Lucas 's situation ) . Younger generations on occasion associate history with school , and in the beginning of the summer that is the last thing anyone wants to think about . This story of the war , the living conditions , and the tensions of the years preceding 1812 until the years dating after the war , shows relations to the present . The relations are not in the difficulties , but more so in the language and thoughts of America 's founders . These similarities cause the formation of fantastic relationships . These relationships are between the reader and the historical figures , in this historical review . This author is successful his attempt to connect the present and the past . This adventure with Katie Kazoo is as wild as always . Her teacher Mrs . Derkman moves in next door . What a surprise . Once again the magic wind comes and turns her into Pepper . Pepper ( Katie ) does some crazy stuff and then when she turns back into herself she fixes everything . Pepper is my favorite character . Francine and Muffy have a bet that Francine can 't be nice for a whole week . Muffy bets her Princess Peach watch . Arthur and his friends push Francine to the limit but she holds back her temper . My favorite character is Muffy . Find out what happens to Francine as she tries to be nice for a whole week . This book is amazing ! It 's about 2 rabbits named Hazel and Fiver who try to leave their home warren . It really makes you think about how rabbits live in the wild and how similar and at the same time how different rabbits are to humans . Review by Johanna I loved Fairest because it was about things like love and hatred and there were a lot of details which helped me get an image of the story in my head , making the story better . My favorite character was Ijory because he was nice to everyone . I think someone who enjoyed magical things , like fairies , would like it . A girl named Amu Hinamori wants to be her true self . She ends up with 3 character guardians who help her . People that work for Easter steal her eggs and guardians ! She has to protect them and save the characters . I 'd say this was a pretty good book . If you enjoy modern adaptations of classic books or old fairy tales , I think you would enjoy this book . This book is really inventive , gorey , and definitely draws the reader in . Although the end was sort of anticlimactic , the whole rest of the book was really enthralling , though you still want to know what happens in the next 2 books . I would recommend this for maybe the younger teens and older kids . The book I choose to do this review on is " Middle School . " I choose this book because it comes from a great series . This book is about Georgea Khatchadorian who plans to do good in her middle school but along the way her brother fails and it brings her reputation of a " good student " down . My favorite character is Rafe , which is the brother who is failing in school . Kudos to Moira for taking a bold step in writing . If you are a grammar fanatic , this is not the book for you . Unless you 're really southern . I found it hard to read though . Other than that it was a good story and I believe there is a sequel . Lemonade Mouth is an interesting , inspirational book giving a heartwarming ( and heart breaking ) story on how kids can change the world just by standing up for what is right using just simple actions . Lemonade Mouth gives the story of five different teens ' point of views . Each band member had different problems and backgrounds that all real kids can relate to , but they overcome their issues through music , and rebellion ! Review by Kelly , grade 7 I hated this book because it was boring and talked about princess and prince dating . My least favorite character was Princess Ben . Although she could magic , it was a boring story . I think people who love to read princess and magic , but I don 't like this book ! I love reading books by John Green and Looking for Alaska was especially interesting because of the recurring theme of a labyrinth of suffering and what our purpose here on Earth is . The characters were vivid and I enjoyed Miles ' habit of " collecting " last words from people . This book is a thought pondering adventure that was very entertaining to read . I would only recommend this book to mature teenagers due to certain elements not suitable for younger ages . But if you are mature and like a good book , any of John Green 's books are awesome to read ! I liked it because it was an interesting story . I had a book , and my favorite character was Emmett . I would think that this book would be for 14 + ages . I would think this book would be for fans of romantic , vampire books or movies . The Cathedrals 20 All Time Favorites This is a wonderful Southern Gospel cd . The Cathedrals were a wonderful group . My Favorite song on this cd is " I Can See the Hand " . I also like several other ones a lot . Others I like are " A Wonderful Time Up There " , " The Last Sunday " , " Echoes from the Burning Bush " , and " The Love of God " . This is a collection of songs from different recordings the group did and has several different members of the group on it . Of course it has George Younce and Glen Payne who were with the group the whole time . I Think this is a wonderful cd and is definitely worth listening to . Southern Gospel 's Top Twenty Songs of the Century I really liked this cd . It is really good and has many of the best Southern Gospel groups ever . My favorite songs are " I Never Shall Forget the Day " , " I Know " , " Jesus is Coming Soon " , " This Old House / When the Saints go Marching in " , and " Give the World a Smile " . There were not any that I really did not like although I did have favorites . If you really like Southern Gospel you will really like this cd . Even though I am thirteen and really like it most of the time this kind of music would be something more adults would like . I really liked this cd . Jake Hess was one of the best singers ever and this cd is a tribute to him put together by Bill Gaither with a bunch of recordings of him . My favorite song is \ " Up Above My Head \ " with him and George Younce singing . Most of these songs were from the Gaither Homecoming videos and some were really old videos of him . One funny one was where they were singing \ " The Fourth Man \ " with Jake Hess , Tim Lovelace , Rex Nelon , George Younce , and another guy . they did it several times to get it right . I think every body would like this if they tried it . This movie was one of the best ever made . IT is an older movie and is in black and white , and it is still one of the best . It is a really funny movie . My favorite character was Andy Griffith playing as Will Stockdale , but I also like his friend Ben and Sergeant King . It is a really good movie . I like it a lot . I think anybody would like it . I would definitely recommend watching it sometime . It is a movie worth watching . This was one of the best cd 's ever . It was done in 1995or1996 I 'm not exactly sure . IT was celebrating the Speer Family having been a group for seventy five years . The singers are Brock Speer , Faye Speer , Ben Speer , Mary Tom Speer Reid , and Rosa Nell Speer Powell . There were also a few other people which sang with them on certain songs . They were Eddy Bolton , Karen Apple , Harold Lane , Allison Durham Speer , Marc Speer , and few others . My favorite song is " I Want to be Ready to Meet Him " . I did not like " All Day Singin ' and Dinner on the Ground " . I thought that song sounded strange and not like Southern Gospel normally does . By the way the Speer Family was a Southern Gospel group so this cd of course has Southern Gospel music on it mainly and few other songs . One I like is " What a Day That Will Be " with Brock Speer singing one verse and Eddy Bolton singing another . My favorite singer on this disc and out of the group is Ben Speer . He normally sang the lead or tenor for the group . This is an old cd and Brock Speer has now passed away and the others are older now and are not singing as a group . I think it is wonderful to have this recording of them all singing . They also sang several songs that G . T . Speer , their father wrote . These include " I Want to be Ready to Meet Him " , " Some Glad Day " , " Sweeter Each Day " , " The Dearest Fried I Ever Had " , and " Heaven 's Jubilee " . I think the Speer Family was the best Southern Gospel Group ever . This would probably appeal to older adults because many younger people may not have even known of the group and if they are not Christians and don 't like Southern Gospel they would not like it either . I really like it though and I am only thirteen . I think if younger people were introduced to this kind of music they would like it as well as I do . It is wonderful music . I think this cd is definitely worth trying to find if you don 't have it , and it is a great cd to listen to . I thought this was a great movie . It was really funny and my sister and I liked it so much that we watched it seven times within a span of about a month . It was really neat how they were all racing to get there and find the big W . It showed several cars driving really fast and racing down the roads . It also had a lot of funny people in this movie . I think m favorite character was Captain Culpepper . There were several really funny parts in it as well . A few were Phil Silvers as Otto Meyer driving his car down the stream into the river , the Crumps getting locked in the basement of the store and their attempts to get out ( which they finally did ) , and Captain Culpepper talking on the phone with his daughter Billy Sue and when he threw his hat out the window . One art that you probably should skip though is the part where Mrs . Marcus talks to Sylvester , her son , on the phone because he was with this girl and this girl was not wearing enough and they had not good music on in the background . Mrs . Marcus talks to him three times and two out of three you should skip . Sylvester himself is fine to watch later because he was a really funny character in the movie and is fine after that . This movie was done in the sixties so it is a pretty old movie , but it is great and is definitely worth finding and watching sometime . It would appeal more to older kids and adults . Younger kids would not understand the funny things in this movie and might find it not very interesting as I did when I was a lot younger . It has really funny stuff and not any of the bad or crude humor that you would find in lots of \ " funny \ " movies today . This was wonderful movie that everyone should see . I loved this movie because of the way they made it alive . It seemed so real . My favorite character was Pi Patel because of his amazing adventure . I would love to see what I would do in his situation . I think people who are from ages 12 and up would love this movie . I decided to do my review on " Rango " because it 's a very extravagant movie due to the fact that the animals talk ! In this movie there is a chameleon " Rango " who has to find his inner voice . In the beginning he gets dropped out of his car and is stranded in the desert . He becomes the sheriff of a small town which has a evil plotting major who has all of the water to build a new town . My favorite character was " Rango " which is the main character . The movie I 'm doing this review on is " Holes . " I decided to do a review on this movie because it 's one of my favorites . This movie is mainly about Stanley Yelnats gets sent away to a correctional camp for stealing shoes , that he was wrongly accused for . There family believes in this 100 year old curse that his great great grandfather put on them . In the end he finds a treasure chest that was meant for him all along , but throughout the whole movie they would look back into the past and tell the story of " kissing Kate Barlow . " Which was one of my favorite characters , my other favorite character was Theodore aka " Arm pit . " The movie I 'm doing this review on is " Zathura " . I choose Zathura because it is a good movie . Zathura is about two brothers who are left at home with their older sister . ( Which she doesn 't watch them well ) . The two brothers play a game called " Zathura " which comes to stop the bad things from happening they have to finish the game . My favorite character was the " Robot " . Even though they only showed him once he was funny . My least favorite character was the older brother , because he was mean and had a bad attitude . This movie is about teenagers at a Christian school . It is very religious so religious people would love it . They would relate best to Mandy Moore who plays the popular girl trying to save everyone . This movie is also for people who aren 't religious because it has , my favorite character , Cassandra : a Jewish bad girl . She falls in love with Mandy Moore 's crippled brother . This movie involves gayness , a teen pregnancy , and a love affair . I dislike the fact that the pregnant girl didn 't get an abortion , but everyone supported her even though I didn 't . This movie has a happy ending , so if you like those here you go .
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- - * ' ' ' ' ' Saved ' ' ' ' ' - - This movie is about teenagers at a Christian school . It is very religious so religious people would love it . They would relate best to Mandy Moore who plays the popular girl trying to save everyone . This movie is also for people who aren 't religious because it has , my favorite character , Cassandra : a Jewish bad girl . She falls in love with Mandy Moore 's crippled brother . This movie involves gayness , a teen pregnancy , and a love affair . I dislike the fact that the pregnant girl didn 't get an abortion , but everyone supported her even though I didn 't . This movie has a happy ending , so if you like those here you go . - - Review by Devin , grade 12 - * [ http : / / aries . jmrl . org / record = b1265114 ~ S9 ' ' ' ' ' Wither ' ' ' ' ' ] by Lauren DeStefano * [ http : / / aries . jmrl . org / record = b1265114 ~ S9 ' ' ' ' ' Wither ' ' ' ' ' ] by Lauren DeStefano I thought it was great ! At first I was skeptical of it having polygamy in it , since that 's not really my thing , but it turned out well . Rhine 's choices throughout the book are what gripped me . I don 't want to spoil anything , but I can definitely tell something is going is going to happen with her father - in - law . I can 't wait to read the next book . I thought it was great ! At first I was skeptical of it having polygamy in it , since that 's not really my thing , but it turned out well . Rhine 's choices throughout the book are what gripped me . I don 't want to spoil anything , but I can definitely tell something is going is going to happen with her father - in - law . I can 't wait to read the next book . Ratings are on a scale of 1 to 5 , with 5 being the best . Newest reviews appear at the top of the list for each star rating . Contents I LOVE this book ! It took me a while to get into it since I thought it was a " flat book " ( my term for not very funny books since I lean towards witty books ) at first , but I was proved wrong by the dry yet witty humor . I also thought it would be a zombie tale because of the back , but it wasn 't . It 's an epic survival tale of things that go bump in the night ! When I read this book , I stayed up all night until I finished it . I actually wrote a little fan fiction about Tris and Tobi ( aka Four ) . Anyways , you see Tris in the beginning as a girl from Abnegation . Abnegation is where you put others before yourself . And she really doesn 't like that lifestyle , but she doesn 't hate it either , so she sticks with it . So when choosing day arrives ( the day where you choose any other functions to live in , including you own . The others are Dauntless ( bravery ) , Amity ( peace ) , Candor ( honesty ) , and Erudite ( intelligence ) . ) , she chooses Dauntless because she feels oddly draw to it . So you follow this initiation process that is so hardcore , it leaves you breathless . Plus , some mystery and romance gives it a nice touch . A great read . Review by Jessica , grade 8 Divergent 's sequel left me wanting more ( Allegiant is coming out soon ! ) . This was another up all night read . This book goes deep into the Amity culture and reveals the plan that was that was so fishy in the first book , about how Euridite was releasing claims about how Marcus was treating his son , Tobias ( aka Four ) . What is that about ? How does that have to do with Tris ' mom ? One choice can destroy you . Review by Jessica , grade 8 OMG ! The Clique was a suspenseful , dramatic , realistic fiction about Massie , Kristen , Alicia , and Dylan . They have a " clique " , the most popular clique in school . Then Claire movies into Massie 's , the head of the clique 's , house . Her world is turned upside down ! THIS BOOK ROCKED ! ! ! The Duff brings up many self - esteem issues that go through the minds of teenage girls . I think my favorite character is Wesley , the playboy ! Though Bianca constantly disses him , he still is kind ; even with his own problems to deal with . Things like loneliness , a broken family , and parents who are never around . This is definitely a more mature teen book ( 14 + ) . Review by Taylor , grade 10 I loved this book because it is a great continuation of the 39 Clues series . My favorite character is Dan because he likes to solve puzzels . I think people who like the 39 Clues series would like this book ( 9 - 14 ) . I loved this book because of the interesting storyline and the series . My favorite character is Dan because he has a photographic memory . People who like the series would like this book . Ages ( 9 - 14 ) . I loved the CD very much ! The pop sound is very on point with what they say it is . I like it just as much or even more than the first CD called Up All Night . The best song in my opinion is I Would or She 's not afraid . One of my least favorites was Rock me it was more hardcore than the other songs but just a little bit less of a good song than the others . It 's definitely a bubble gum pop maybe a bit of rockish pop . I think teenage girls 11 - 17 would like this CD . I love it a lot and so do some of my friends my age . I loved this book because its plot was suspenseful . Also I liked the adventure and fighting . My least favorite character was Jeb because he was a mean mad scientist . My favorite character was Maximum Ride . She was leader of her group and trying to save the world . Also she is a bird mutant . I think people who love to read suspenseful , sci - fantasy or adventure books , should read this book . I couldn 't put this book down ! Bad Island is a great graphic novel because it shows a disagreeing family who takes an adventure and starts acting like a real family instead of enemies . My favorite character is Reese because he 's the athletic type who likes to be alone sometimes . This would be a good book for people who like action and adventure . I loved this book because of all the action . My favorite character is Jonah because basically he gets what he wants . I think people who like the 39 Clues series would like this book ( 9 - 14 ) . Ella Enchanted is one of my all time favorite books . My friend gave it to me and said that she had read her copy so many times the binding broke . I have already read it about ten times . This is a wonderful book for all ages about a girl who is cursed with obedience . And AMAZING story for sure ! Storm Thief is a very good book . It 's full of action and adventure . Also , some fantasy . My favorite character would probably be Rail because he is determined and loves adventure . I would recommend this book to anybody who likes the Ranger 's Apprentice series or just loves action and adventure . I really liked this book because it is showing really hard work . They trying really hard to earn money . You will have to read the rest to find out what happens between this brother and sister war ! I really liked this book ! It was full of adventure and a little bit of mystery . Doon and Lina are the main characters that go on an amazing and exciting adventure trying to escape the city because soon the city lights are going to go out forever ! This book is good if you like adventure . First of all , I liked this book because every page I read was full of suspense . It wasn 't a boring book . My favorite character was Lady America and my least favorite character was Prince Maxon . It 's a young adult book . If you like to read fantasy stories and romance stories you should read it . " All who accept this challenge to the 39 clues will receive a clue that might lead you to the most important treasure in the world and make you powerful beyond belief or it might kill you . " ( page 20 ) . I loved this book because of the great idea Rick Riordan had to make a quest for 39 clues . I loved the way he incorporated historical facts with a modern day quest . My favorite character was Dan Cahill because he has a photographic memory . I think it would be cool for you to just look at something and memorize it quickly . I think kids from ages 9 - 14 would like this book . The race continues to find the 39 clues that safeguard a great power , and 14 year old Amy Cahill and her younger 11 year old brother Dan are shocked to find themselves in the lead . I loved this book because the clues revolve around a different historical figure this time it was Mozart . I enjoyed learning about Mozart 's life , and visiting museums and famous cities where Mozart preformed . My favorite character was Dan because he likes anagrams and puzzles just like me . I think people who liked the Maze of Bones would like this book . The Sword Thief was another good clue hunt . I was surprised that Amy & Dan teamed up with Uncle Allistair and then added Ian & Natalie to find the 3rd clue . I liked this book because of the way it was written . I just couldn 't put the book down . My favorite character was Dan because he loves math and is good at it just like me . People who liked book # 1 and # 2 would love this book . I loved this book because I could never put it down . I read it everyday . My favorite character was Amy because she can see the big picture . I think people who like the rest of the series and kids in middle school would like this book . I LOVED this book because of it 's inspiring story . though it isn 't action packed I think it 's a page turner . The story was about love , friendships , trust and hope during an immense change in a girl 's life . OF all the books I 've read in all eleven years of my life Paint the Wind is my favorite . Review by Mekenzie , grade 5 First of all , I loved this book because I wondered what happened to Alianne . My favorite character was Alianne because she was a brave spymaster . My least favorite character was Sarai because she was beauty but annoying character . I think people who are interested with fantasy , violence , and monarchy should read this book . Review by Lynn , grade 11 The Selection by Kiera Cass I loved it because the last time I read book 2 , I adored it . However , I didn 't know there was book 1 , so I read it . My favorite character is Lady America because she was a nice and shy lady . My least favorite character is Prince Mason . I didn 't like his personality and his background . I think people who like reading fantasy and young adult books . Also people should read it because every page I read was filled with suspense . Review by Lynn , grade 11 Some of my friends had me get this from the library , they talked about it so much that I just had to check it out . And I am so happy that I did . Cass had me hooked from the very first paragraph . I stayed up until midnight reading this and as soon as I finished it I bought the second one on my nook . THE SELECTION is a beautiful written book that I am going to read over and over again until I get so sick of it I put it in a box and put it in my closet until I go to college . The thing I loved most about this book was hearing about all of the outfits the Selected got to wear to all of the events . It made me wish I liked there even though they have a caste system worst ( and in some ways better ) than the one they used to have in India . In this novel all of the gowns that the young ladies wore were hand sewn by each of the Selected personal maids . If someone asked who my favorite character was I would have to say America because she is so independent and so opinionated . I feel that is the way all women should be , well most anyway . I like how she talks the Prince Maxon sometimes , she treats him as an equal not like a One ( the highest caste . ) You see more of this personality in the second book , which I loved . The thrilling squeal to Wither , main character Rhine continues on her journey to find her brother and reach her home back in Manhattan . Rhine and her friend / lover Gabriel trek up the East Coast of a futuristic America . But while they get closer and closer to their goal , Rhine gets more and more sick . Dangerously high fevers and ultra severe flu symptoms show up but there is no cure until . . . one day , her old enemy shows up on her doorstep when she is at her weakest point ! What happens to Rhine ? Does she find her brother ? Read this fast paced adventure to discover her journey . Cactus aka Yamada - San asked out Fujioka - Kun , but was rejected . Then a snobby rich prep student comes in and makes a scene ! Fujioka - Kun is not happy . Yamada - San bumps into an old friend of Fujioka - Kun 's . Things get crazy ! The rich boy fed up with Fujioka - Kun . He makes a plan to get Fujioka - Kun expelled , and it works . Yamada - San pleads for the rich boy to let Fujioka - Kun back in school ! So , to prove the rich boy 's love , he let 's him back ! But who knows what they will do ! ? I love this series ! It 's 1 of my favorite series and this book was 1 of my favorite book in the series . I like how Harry found this connection to Voldemort even though it lead to Someone 's death . I also like the connection because it shows he 's actually 1 of the few people who can defeat him . My favorite character was Harry mainly because he 's the person the series is about . I LOVE HARRY POTTER ! ! ! Review by Lipi , grade 7 If you 're reading this it 's too late is an exciting book written by Pseudonymous Bosch . It 's a thrilling novel mixed with humor and suspense . My favorite character is the Homurculus . It is a small creature that is grumpy and has a humorous but bad attitude . My least favorite character is Mr . L . He is a evil man determined to have a young life forever . He goes to extrmeme ways . People in middle and elementary school will enjoy this book . Especially people who enjoy thrills . Out of My Mind is a wonderful book for all ages . The main character , Melody , is disabled and I love stories that show people doing something unthinkable . My favorite character was Melody because of her personality , and my least favorite characters were Rose and Claire . Rose seemed nice , but then let Melody down , and Claire was just plain mean all the time . I think that this is an excellent book and that everyone should read it . Project Sweet Life is an amazing book because it 's so interesting how these 15 year old boys will do anything to make easy money without getting a summer job . My favorite character is Dave because towards the end of the book he uses his brains in a smart way to solve the mystery . I recommend this book to teens who are willing to make money without having a summer job . I liked Ben Hur because of the journey of Ben Hur had . He was a prince and their paddling boats in Roman ships and then being a chariot race winner . My favorite character was Ben Hur because he is smart and determined . I think people who are 12 and up . I loved this book because of the suspense and action . My favorite character was Dan because he proves if you try your hardest you can achieve . I think people who like the first 4 books will like the book . Also , people from ages 9 - 14 would like this book . I loved this book because of the creative writing by Jude Watson . My favorite character was Dan because of his creative and imaginative thinking . I think people who like the first 5 books will like this book . Also , people from ages 9 - 14 would love this book . I loved this book because every page I read , there was danger . My favorite character was Maximum ( Max ) Ride . She was a great leader and she was bird mutant . My least favorite character was Ari . He was mean bully and he is Eraser . I think people who like mutants or fantasy should read this book . I loved this book . I thought it was very interesting & I couldn 't put it down . I loved how Anne Frank wrote . She seemed to be absolutely truthful in her journal , and I liked that . I could really relate to her , as I think many can . I laughed out loud at parts and was devastated when I read the end note , even though I already knew that the members of the Secret Annex met unfortunate ends , including Anne . Afterwards , I was slightly overwhelmed by thinking about all the individual lives that were cut short in WWII . I only had one dislike of the book : that her dad edited it ! Who would want their dad editing & reading their journal ? But all in all , this book was amazing & one of the best I 've read ! Inkheart is a wonderful , exciting story . I loved it because characters got to come out of the books . There is also a movie which is really cool to watch . My favorite character is Meggie because she read Tinkerbell out of the book and because she shared her father 's gift . I think all ages could enjoy it except for really small kids . I love this book because it was from a teenage 's perspective . My favorite character was Ruby . I think this book is for people who are 12 - 17 or are just big fans ( like me ) of Sarah Dessen . A little boy named Willy is going to race in a dogsled race , because his grandfather is very sick . While his grandfather is sick a tax collector comes bye and Willy 's grandfather is sick , he doesn 't have the money . So the tax collector has to take the house , but there is a lot of people racing in the race , and one of them is Stone Fox . He has never lost a race . This is a series of twelve books that I am reading . I love these books becuase they are filled with action , worry , and suspence . Callum Ormond is my favorite character . He is a hunted fugitive and is now on the run . Callum is only 15 years old and he has to survive 365 days . I think that people who like action book would like this . Ages 10 to 15 would probly like it . I love this book because it had a lot of action in it . I had a lot of favorite characters . This book is filled with action , humor , and mystery . This book is for kids who like action and humor . I loved this book and so will you . Their are 4 books in this series so read them all . I love this book because it is about a bunch of friends putting something together . My favorite character is Kate because she never gives up and you can tell she is kindhearted and determined . She didn 't stop trying to earn money for her dad 's b - day present . This is a great book for kids that are thinking about having a lemonade stand . A World Away is about a 16 - year old named Eliza , who has been Amish all her life . She has never tried on a pair of jeans , never made a phone call , or watched TV . She is asked for a nanny job for two kids , and excited accepts . She learns the good , bad , and the ugly of learning of love , life , and lessons of the non - Amish world . She learns that most of the time , the life your blessed with is the life your meant to belong to , even if it doesn 't seem that way . This was a phenomenal book ! I liked this book because it made you think about what is going to happen next . My favorite character is Meg . I like Meg because you can tell she is adventerous and likes taking risks . I think kids from 4th grade to 7th grade would like this adventerous tale . I liked how the author made the setting feel like the future and it could happen . I felt like every chapter Lena was changing and starting to realize love is good and it is something to celebrate . I liked how the ending was put together . I feel like this was a fast paced book that left me wanting more at the end . I thought it was a great book . review by Megan , grade 9 I like it because it was kinda like me . My favorite character is Nikki J . Maxwell . Recommend to 10 , 11 , 12 , and 13 year olds . I felt that Beautiful Creatures had a great story line . I liked that they placed it in the real world . It made it feel like it could happen . I liked how they made the connection with Lena and Ethan . It made it feel magical . All around it was a great book that most people would like to read . Review by Megan , grade 9 It 's very captivating with major romance and mystery . A simpleton guy from a small town finds out that this new summer time city isn 't all its cracked up to be . There are real vampires and some aren 't as friendly as they seem . It is truly a must read for the summer . Review by Robin This book is easy to read and keeps you wanting to know more . Personally , I loved Gus , he was sweet and hilarious . This book is perfect for anyone in middle school or up ! Review by Amanda The book I 'm doing my review on is " Matilda . " I picked Matilda because it 's one of my favorite books . I also enjoyed the movie . Matilda is about a little girl growing up on her own in a family she doesn 't belong . She discovers that she has magical powers . In the end she was adopted by her teacher which she loved , and they lived happily ever after . Curing disease seems to be the new big thing around books these days , yet out of all of them this just might be my favorite . First starting it I thought it was as boring as all heck and put it down , but like anything you can 't start something and not finish it so , I did and absolutely loved it . I highly highly recommend it and if you have the same trouble as me , push through it : I promise it gets better , way better . The characters are really interesting , but I think it is the plot that is the most intriguing . I would recommend this for the young adults age group ( teens ) . Clearly with a rating of five , I enjoyed this book . It was a play off of the original story " Cinderella , " a story that I basically hated as a kid because the main heroine was pathetic and never stood up for herself . The tomboy Cinder is the exact opposite , someone people can actually relate to and an all around likeable character . Cinder was very much original because it didn 't take the exact same story / plotline and rewrite it as a modern story , but took the basic skeleton of the story and added tons of new components making it a new story . It might have been pretty predictable throughout , but overall was really good , so I 'm excited for the next 3 books ! This book was outstanding ! Yes , it was and is most definitely meant for an older audience ( teens and such ) but half of the obscenities are what make this book so great . I 'm sure a lot of teens can relate to what went on in this book . It was hilarious , thought provoking , heart wrenching , and just about every other emotion there is all at the same time . I myself did not enjoy the back cover 's description . I don 't think it made for an intriguing sort of " explanation " , but ignore the back . I did and LOVED this book . So obviously I recommend this book , along with his other books which are also really good . This review is on " Witness " . I chose this book because it is a good / sad book . This book is about a lot of different things but it 's basicly about a Klu Klux Klan group in a small town in Vermont . This book is very racist but it ends up being good in the end . My favorite character was Esther Hirsh a 6 year old girl from New York . Review by Mariah , Grade 9 My book review is on " The BFG . " Also known as " The Big Friendly Giant . " This is a very popular children 's story . I read it for the first time when I was in 2nd grade . This book is mainly about a little girl named Sophie who lived in an orphanage , and one night she was awake and was kidnapped by a friendly giant and taken to giant land where many giants lived . In the end the giant was able to come live with everyone and treated normal . My favorite character was Sophie because she was intelligent . I really liked this book . With many twists and turns it made for suspenseful and exiting reading . I was so happy with it I ended up reading the whole 11 - book series in about a month ! This book was really great . I had seen it on shelves for quite some time and it wasn 't until a while that I picked it up and really saw its … awesomeness . Although I must say it got a little confusing eventually . Bloomability is about a girl who 's family moves a lot - ever 6 months to a new place . Soon she is sent to Switzerland , which she hates , and learns how to speak Italian , Spanish , Japaneze , and French at an American School . She soon makes close friends w / some of her peers and goes on a skiing trip w / them . Two of them are burried in an avalanche , and I won 't tell you if they survive . She soon loves this school and can not bear to leave her friends ( some who are not coming back next year ) and their is no guarantee she will . She soon learns the value of friendship and that no one will ever forget her . Responsible Rosalind , future astrophysicist Skye , Jane the author , and shy batty along with their father are on their way to the summer of their lives at Arundel , home of Jeffrey and the despicable Mrs . Tifton . There will be love . There will be brownies . There will be butterfly wings , bunnies , and bulls . There will be heartbreak , writing , and piano . And , there will be Algebra and roses . Sweet Venom is a wonderful book . It is a fun , exciting take on Greek mythology . I really like the author 's style of writing , she uses descriptive language to create the atmosphere and setting . This book is about three girls who discover that they are long lost triplets , and also descendants of Medusa . They have to keep the mortal world safe from monsters who come out of an abyss to feed on the humans life force . Gradually the wall that separates the mortal word from the abyss starts to break and more and more monsters start to escape the abyss and come into the mortal world . I thought it was great ! At first I was skeptical of it having polygamy in it , since that 's not really my thing , but it turned out well . Rhine 's choices throughout the book are what gripped me . I don 't want to spoil anything , but I can definitely tell something is going is going to happen with her father - in - law . I can 't wait to read the next book . Have you ever wondered what it 's like to live the life of a glamorous 12 year old ? Well now you can know . Massie Block is a ridiculously rich 12 year old who owns designer bags and clothes . Massie is very content with her " clique " until Claire moves in . Will Massie be able to accept a new girl in her group ? This book has what my local librarian calls " right of passage . " You have to get through the first part before the book becomes any good . That is what happened with this book . However once I got past the slow part I loved it . The characters were extremely dark and I loved that . There are not many books that has many dark character that are fighting for good . Other than this there are not many things to report back . It was a good book , but any mistakes that really jumped out at me . Review by Paige , grade 10 There were some parts in the book that the dialogue was not the best in the world . There were a ton of times that the author made the characters say , " Oh , blah blah blah . " I do not know about you , but that makes me think that the character is sighing or having an epiphany . I did like the depth of the characters , and the range of them . Polly Shulman has a three year old as a hero in this novel , I think that just comes to show that she thinks that anyone can be a hero , no matter what their size . Another character that you would not suspect to be a hero , Jaya , a ten year old girl . She figures out things that the teens in the novel would never figure out . Review by Paige , grade 10 I think the book is very fast paced . Even when they were in the peaceful country Alex still got shot at by a bunch of spoiled stuck up boys . The action never stopped from the beginning to the end . I loved it because it was a book based on comparison between boys & dogs and girls & cats . My favorite character was Yumi , Annabelle 's friend because of how much she loved animals . A sixth grader who was new at school and wanted to be able to blend in . I liked this book because it was funny . The outfit designs were pretty . You can tell that Annie has a big imagination . In this book you 'll see a blast of fun and style ! Terrier is the first book I 've read by Tamora Pierce , who people have been recommending to me for a long time , so perhaps I went into it with my expectations a little too high . Or maybe reading murder mystery books geared for adults has ruined me for reading Young Adult murder mysteries . Or it could have been that my dubious talent for spotting the hidden bad guys of a story kicked in , but by the 300th page , I knew what the ending was going to be . I knew who shadowed ( geddit ? ) antagonist was . So for me , it was a bit of a drag reading the last 200 odd pages in the book , only to have everything I 'd already known confirmed in the last five pages . Of course , as I said , my realizing the whole ending could just be one of my talents for guessing plot lines , so don 't let that turn you off of the book . I also wasn 't a fan of the first couple pages , but that 's a matter of personal style preference , so I 'll let you draw your own opinions . Now that I 've gone over what I didn 't like , I start with what I did , The heroine , Rebakah , was strong , with a large supporting cast who helped her along , but it didn 't feel like they were constantly having to rescue her out of everything . She was clever , if slightly naive , but that fades as the book progresses . Tamora Pierce certainly knows what she 's doing in creating a tough girl . The world was very interesting , and I enjoyed learning more about the Dogs , the peacekeepers of the land . They do use slightly different language , so that can take a little while to get used to , but if you 're really stuck on a word , try the glossary in the back . There 's also a character index and a list of terms it can be good to be familiar with as you learn about their world . I 'm not sure that I had a favorite character , but I was fond of Rosto , the roughish character who sweeps in a few chapters in , and Beka 's two Dogs , Turnstall and Goodwin , who are charged with training her from a training puppy into a full - fledged Dog . I would recommend this book to tweens or younger teens with a taste for resourceful , stroReview by Thea I think this book is interesting because it 's about 3 fifteen year old boys who are told to find summer jobs but they will do anything to have freedom for their last summer before they enter the working world . My favorite character would be Curtis because he acts like a leader . This book is perfect for the teens who are trying to get out of there summer jobs . First of all I liked this book because I liked how the wolves find the new land . My favorite character was Gwyneth because she was a brave owl and I love Guardian of Ga ' Hoole series . My least favorite character was Edme . She was an annoying wolf . I think people who like wolves . Rhine Ellery lives in a futuristic society where women die at 20 and men die at 25 years of age . There are some who are researching the possibility of an antidote but few live long enough to make progress . Rhine is a strong - willed 16 year old who is kidnapped and introduced to a new wealthy lifestyle , but what she discovers is so horrible she knows she has to escape somehow . And housemaster Vaughn is watching around every corner . Is Rhine able to escape ? Is she able to find an antidote to the disease that is wiping out the human race ? Check out Wither today ! The Serpent 's Shadow by Rick Riordan is about two kids ages 14 and 12 who are magicians . It 's about the Egyptian gods . I loved the book because it was full of adventure and action . The reason that I only give it 4 stars was because sometimes it talks in to much detail . The funniest part is when ( pretty often ) the brother and sister fight . It is told in past tense so they fight while they 're narrating . And that is what i think of The Serpent 's Shadow . Review by Reese " The Hardy Boys " is an awesome chapter book series that is FULL of mysteries , on after another . The main characters are 2 teens , Joe and Frank Hardy . You should read this book if you like mysteries . According to a Gallop poll , 92 % of Americans were aware of Nixon 's visit to Communist China in the 1970s . His visit broke a decades long silence of formal communications between the US and China . This cemented a new start in Sino - American relations and both gained a bargaining ship against a common enemy : the Soviet Union . Margaret MacMillian did not just describe and dissect Nixon 's trip ; instead , she explores the lives and background of the main characters : Nixon , Kissenger , Chou , and Mao . She also explains the large amount of background work that had to be conducted in secret in order to make the trip possible . Bear in mind , this is a serious historical read , however ; you will learn the intricacies and some funny anecdotes behind politics and diplomacy . Review by Jemmy , grade 12 As the person I am , I have read almost all of Meg Cabot 's books . This series is by far the best that I have read of hers . She actually make the person who is in the position of Hades seem normal and like someone who was actually a man . Someone who knows what it feels like to die , through that he shows more sympathy than in other characters I have seen who have played the role of Hades . I also loved how John has more background , something more interesting , than the normal stories about the lord of the dead . This book is a lot less confusing than the first book , which is good . Where the first book flips between past and present a lot , this book stays with Pierce the entire time . This book also explains a lot more in a lot more detail , mainly because the main character is not as clueless in this book than in the first one . Some of my favorite parts are when she sees the curtains fluttering . I like this because the curtains are white and seem symbolic in a place of death . It makes me think that there is innocence and purity in the Underworld . It also makes me think that Pierce is getting to start over , that the white curtains mean a clean slate for her . It is kind of like the pomegranate in the Underworld , everyone thinks it is one thing , when it actually means something else entirely . Some parts of the dialogue were a little weird for me . I don 't know why , but whenever someone puts something with and " Oh , " in front of a name it just sounds ridiculous . I loved this book . When I read the first one I couldn 't believe it was over . There had to be more to Rebecca 's story , and I was right . This book takes you back into the life of Rebecca Brown , a normal teenage girl who can see ghost , but not all ghost , just the ones that let Rebecca see them , or if you are holding a hand of a ghost . That is how Frank notices Rebecca ; he saw her with Lisette the year before when they walked to her house in the Treme . In this part of the Ruined series you can really see the characters flourish . There is Rebecca who shows that she is strong and confident ( most of the time . ) Anton who now shows that he only believed in ghost because of the curse on the Bowman family and believes that Lisette was the only ghost in New Orleans and tries to fight it off when Rebecca tells him otherwise . Ling , a ndw character , who is like a confidante for most of the book , but then she really shows her intelligence in the end . Then you have Toby , who you think is even more of a nut case than in the first book . The only bad thing about this book is that it is really confusing at the end . What happened to Delphine ? Why did she move on ? Was it because she saw that Frank was moving on ? Then the Epilogue was kind of confusing too . It kind of leaves you wondering what is happening here ? Does this mean that Paula Morris is thinking about writing a third book , making this into a large series , or just keeping it down at two ? This book was amazing , however it was too short . Throughout the entire book I felt like something more could be explained . Or what as explained could be elaborated more on . However , Josephine did an excellent job with what she wrote . Everything made moresense in this book than any of the others , ( which is what she wanted to do , I think . ) and was beautifully crafted so everyone ( well , almost everyone ) got their happy ending . Reading through this series it was exciting to see how each person changed and developed , even though some did not . Characters people didn 't like very much get some justice behind them and end themselves with very noble acts . The only true problem I had while reading this story was the epilogue . It felt way too long and that the author was trying to rap up a story that wasn 't completely closed . I feel that if she wanted to Josephine Angelini could write another novel that explains more of what ends up happening to everybody . Some parts I was okay with the wrap up ( Jerry and Kate ) and others I wasn 't ( Lucas 's situation ) . Younger generations on occasion associate history with school , and in the beginning of the summer that is the last thing anyone wants to think about . This story of the war , the living conditions , and the tensions of the years preceding 1812 until the years dating after the war , shows relations to the present . The relations are not in the difficulties , but more so in the language and thoughts of America 's founders . These similarities cause the formation of fantastic relationships . These relationships are between the reader and the historical figures , in this historical review . This author is successful his attempt to connect the present and the past . This adventure with Katie Kazoo is as wild as always . Her teacher Mrs . Derkman moves in next door . What a surprise . Once again the magic wind comes and turns her into Pepper . Pepper ( Katie ) does some crazy stuff and then when she turns back into herself she fixes everything . Pepper is my favorite character . Francine and Muffy have a bet that Francine can 't be nice for a whole week . Muffy bets her Princess Peach watch . Arthur and his friends push Francine to the limit but she holds back her temper . My favorite character is Muffy . Find out what happens to Francine as she tries to be nice for a whole week . This book is amazing ! It 's about 2 rabbits named Hazel and Fiver who try to leave their home warren . It really makes you think about how rabbits live in the wild and how similar and at the same time how different rabbits are to humans . Review by Johanna I loved Fairest because it was about things like love and hatred and there were a lot of details which helped me get an image of the story in my head , making the story better . My favorite character was Ijory because he was nice to everyone . I think someone who enjoyed magical things , like fairies , would like it . A girl named Amu Hinamori wants to be her true self . She ends up with 3 character guardians who help her . People that work for Easter steal her eggs and guardians ! She has to protect them and save the characters . I 'd say this was a pretty good book . If you enjoy modern adaptations of classic books or old fairy tales , I think you would enjoy this book . This book is really inventive , gorey , and definitely draws the reader in . Although the end was sort of anticlimactic , the whole rest of the book was really enthralling , though you still want to know what happens in the next 2 books . I would recommend this for maybe the younger teens and older kids . The book I choose to do this review on is " Middle School . " I choose this book because it comes from a great series . This book is about Georgea Khatchadorian who plans to do good in her middle school but along the way her brother fails and it brings her reputation of a " good student " down . My favorite character is Rafe , which is the brother who is failing in school . Kudos to Moira for taking a bold step in writing . If you are a grammar fanatic , this is not the book for you . Unless you 're really southern . I found it hard to read though . Other than that it was a good story and I believe there is a sequel . Lemonade Mouth is an interesting , inspirational book giving a heartwarming ( and heart breaking ) story on how kids can change the world just by standing up for what is right using just simple actions . Lemonade Mouth gives the story of five different teens ' point of views . Each band member had different problems and backgrounds that all real kids can relate to , but they overcome their issues through music , and rebellion ! Review by Kelly , grade 7 I hated this book because it was boring and talked about princess and prince dating . My least favorite character was Princess Ben . Although she could magic , it was a boring story . I think people who love to read princess and magic , but I don 't like this book ! I love reading books by John Green and Looking for Alaska was especially interesting because of the recurring theme of a labyrinth of suffering and what our purpose here on Earth is . The characters were vivid and I enjoyed Miles ' habit of " collecting " last words from people . This book is a thought pondering adventure that was very entertaining to read . I would only recommend this book to mature teenagers due to certain elements not suitable for younger ages . But if you are mature and like a good book , any of John Green 's books are awesome to read ! I liked it because it was an interesting story . I had a book , and my favorite character was Emmett . I would think that this book would be for 14 + ages . I would think this book would be for fans of romantic , vampire books or movies . The Cathedrals 20 All Time Favorites This is a wonderful Southern Gospel cd . The Cathedrals were a wonderful group . My Favorite song on this cd is " I Can See the Hand " . I also like several other ones a lot . Others I like are " A Wonderful Time Up There " , " The Last Sunday " , " Echoes from the Burning Bush " , and " The Love of God " . This is a collection of songs from different recordings the group did and has several different members of the group on it . Of course it has George Younce and Glen Payne who were with the group the whole time . I Think this is a wonderful cd and is definitely worth listening to . Southern Gospel 's Top Twenty Songs of the Century I really liked this cd . It is really good and has many of the best Southern Gospel groups ever . My favorite songs are " I Never Shall Forget the Day " , " I Know " , " Jesus is Coming Soon " , " This Old House / When the Saints go Marching in " , and " Give the World a Smile " . There were not any that I really did not like although I did have favorites . If you really like Southern Gospel you will really like this cd . Even though I am thirteen and really like it most of the time this kind of music would be something more adults would like . I really liked this cd . Jake Hess was one of the best singers ever and this cd is a tribute to him put together by Bill Gaither with a bunch of recordings of him . My favorite song is \ " Up Above My Head \ " with him and George Younce singing . Most of these songs were from the Gaither Homecoming videos and some were really old videos of him . One funny one was where they were singing \ " The Fourth Man \ " with Jake Hess , Tim Lovelace , Rex Nelon , George Younce , and another guy . they did it several times to get it right . I think every body would like this if they tried it . This movie was one of the best ever made . IT is an older movie and is in black and white , and it is still one of the best . It is a really funny movie . My favorite character was Andy Griffith playing as Will Stockdale , but I also like his friend Ben and Sergeant King . It is a really good movie . I like it a lot . I think anybody would like it . I would definitely recommend watching it sometime . It is a movie worth watching . This was one of the best cd 's ever . It was done in 1995or1996 I 'm not exactly sure . IT was celebrating the Speer Family having been a group for seventy five years . The singers are Brock Speer , Faye Speer , Ben Speer , Mary Tom Speer Reid , and Rosa Nell Speer Powell . There were also a few other people which sang with them on certain songs . They were Eddy Bolton , Karen Apple , Harold Lane , Allison Durham Speer , Marc Speer , and few others . My favorite song is " I Want to be Ready to Meet Him " . I did not like " All Day Singin ' and Dinner on the Ground " . I thought that song sounded strange and not like Southern Gospel normally does . By the way the Speer Family was a Southern Gospel group so this cd of course has Southern Gospel music on it mainly and few other songs . One I like is " What a Day That Will Be " with Brock Speer singing one verse and Eddy Bolton singing another . My favorite singer on this disc and out of the group is Ben Speer . He normally sang the lead or tenor for the group . This is an old cd and Brock Speer has now passed away and the others are older now and are not singing as a group . I think it is wonderful to have this recording of them all singing . They also sang several songs that G . T . Speer , their father wrote . These include " I Want to be Ready to Meet Him " , " Some Glad Day " , " Sweeter Each Day " , " The Dearest Fried I Ever Had " , and " Heaven 's Jubilee " . I think the Speer Family was the best Southern Gospel Group ever . This would probably appeal to older adults because many younger people may not have even known of the group and if they are not Christians and don 't like Southern Gospel they would not like it either . I really like it though and I am only thirteen . I think if younger people were introduced to this kind of music they would like it as well as I do . It is wonderful music . I think this cd is definitely worth trying to find if you don 't have it , and it is a great cd to listen to . I thought this was a great movie . It was really funny and my sister and I liked it so much that we watched it seven times within a span of about a month . It was really neat how they were all racing to get there and find the big W . It showed several cars driving really fast and racing down the roads . It also had a lot of funny people in this movie . I think m favorite character was Captain Culpepper . There were several really funny parts in it as well . A few were Phil Silvers as Otto Meyer driving his car down the stream into the river , the Crumps getting locked in the basement of the store and their attempts to get out ( which they finally did ) , and Captain Culpepper talking on the phone with his daughter Billy Sue and when he threw his hat out the window . One art that you probably should skip though is the part where Mrs . Marcus talks to Sylvester , her son , on the phone because he was with this girl and this girl was not wearing enough and they had not good music on in the background . Mrs . Marcus talks to him three times and two out of three you should skip . Sylvester himself is fine to watch later because he was a really funny character in the movie and is fine after that . This movie was done in the sixties so it is a pretty old movie , but it is great and is definitely worth finding and watching sometime . It would appeal more to older kids and adults . Younger kids would not understand the funny things in this movie and might find it not very interesting as I did when I was a lot younger . It has really funny stuff and not any of the bad or crude humor that you would find in lots of \ " funny \ " movies today . This was wonderful movie that everyone should see . I loved this movie because of the way they made it alive . It seemed so real . My favorite character was Pi Patel because of his amazing adventure . I would love to see what I would do in his situation . I think people who are from ages 12 and up would love this movie . I decided to do my review on " Rango " because it 's a very extravagant movie due to the fact that the animals talk ! In this movie there is a chameleon " Rango " who has to find his inner voice . In the beginning he gets dropped out of his car and is stranded in the desert . He becomes the sheriff of a small town which has a evil plotting major who has all of the water to build a new town . My favorite character was " Rango " which is the main character . The movie I 'm doing this review on is " Holes . " I decided to do a review on this movie because it 's one of my favorites . This movie is mainly about Stanley Yelnats gets sent away to a correctional camp for stealing shoes , that he was wrongly accused for . There family believes in this 100 year old curse that his great great grandfather put on them . In the end he finds a treasure chest that was meant for him all along , but throughout the whole movie they would look back into the past and tell the story of " kissing Kate Barlow . " Which was one of my favorite characters , my other favorite character was Theodore aka " Arm pit . " The movie I 'm doing this review on is " Zathura " . I choose Zathura because it is a good movie . Zathura is about two brothers who are left at home with their older sister . ( Which she doesn 't watch them well ) . The two brothers play a game called " Zathura " which comes to stop the bad things from happening they have to finish the game . My favorite character was the " Robot " . Even though they only showed him once he was funny . My least favorite character was the older brother , because he was mean and had a bad attitude . This movie is about teenagers at a Christian school . It is very religious so religious people would love it . They would relate best to Mandy Moore who plays the popular girl trying to save everyone . This movie is also for people who aren 't religious because it has , my favorite character , Cassandra : a Jewish bad girl . She falls in love with Mandy Moore 's crippled brother . This movie involves gayness , a teen pregnancy , and a love affair . I dislike the fact that the pregnant girl didn 't get an abortion , but everyone supported her even though I didn 't . This movie has a happy ending , so if you like those here you go .
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I 've heard there 's a place where people go when they don 't know what else to do . I can 't tell you how to get there ; I have no directions or address . I can only tell you to follow that road . . . and get lost . . . lost into the night . you 'll find it , I know you will ; you 'll know it when you see the neon lights . . . Back then , when we married - even before - when we where hanging out , he always used to hold my hand . No matter where we went , no matter where we were , with friends or all by ourselves , he 'd always hold my hand . Now he 's just a shape beside me . I think I don 't love him anymore and it doesn 't even make me sad . Is this what hate is all about ? I don 't know for how long I can take it . " This is our last chance , to make things right , to go back to what we used to be " , she said while making the reservations to this motel we 're heading . " It 'll be our second honey moon , it 'll be great , you 'll see " , she continued . Well , the truth is , I can 't see anything in this fog . We almost crashed some kilometers back . She stared back at me with judging eyes , like it was all my fault . . . This place better be a bomb , ' cause I really don 't know how long I can take it . To think we were so happy . . . what happened ? We have a son , he always wanted a boy , now he has it . . . Isn 't that enough ? God , what am I thinking . . . what was I thinking when I decided to come to this place . . . If he 'd just hurry , I feel so uncomfortable in this car . She 's so selfish . She 's always expecting something from me ; from everyone . I 'm the one who has to carry with all the weight of this relationship , of this marriage . . . That word . . . its sound is no longer familiar . We 've talked about divorce already . And my boy . . . she wouldn 't say it , but she 's been clear enough about it : she won 't let me have him ; I can have everything else , the house , the car , whatever I want , but not him . . . She might be sitting next to me - quiet and beautiful - looking at the desert through the window , but I can 't recognize her anymore , she 's like someone else . . . and I am so lonely right now . . . The rain won 't stop falling . Right now it feels like forever . I think I 've been moving in circles for too long . This damn rain , I can 't see a thing . Somewhere in the distance there are neon lights : it 's a motel for sure . As I keep going the rain has already made it through my clothes . I 'm soaking wet when I finally make it there . As I thought , it 's a motel . I enter only to find there aren 't any rooms left . With no other choice I hang the wet clothes and hit the bar . People come and go without notice in these places , so I figure - if I hang around I may get a room , sooner than later - . Inside the bar the place is deserted , except for a strange guy in a corner drinking in silence . I sit down and wait . . . I don 't know what I 'm waiting for , but I have nothing else to do than wait . Time goes by and I can 't do anything but watch it drown in an endless moment . . . Where am I ? I 've never been here before . . . it 's that why I feel so lost ? My chest , it 's like someone beat it with a hammer . I can 't breath , I 'm suffocating . . . what is this place ? Oh God , please tell me it isn 't Hell . His last words before hanging up were " I 'll meet you there " . So now I 'm looking for this place , though I really feel it 's calling me . I have no address , at least not a real one , only directions , signs , indications on where to turn and where to go straight . But then , I can 't help the feeling I 'm going in circles . I can 't wait to see him again , to hold him and kiss him . We 've grown so distant over the last few months . . . I just want this last chance to make things right , to erase the mistakes of the past and build a better future for us both . I love him so much I can 't really explain what has happened between us . . . sometimes I fear it 's someone else , but what really terrifies me is , well , it 's me . . . What if it 's all my fault ? What if it 's me who 's grown distant ? What if I 'm not enough ? I can only wish he can forgive me as I have forgiven him . . . At last ! " The neon lights in the distance , " just as they said back in town ! I 'm so excited I can 't wait ! Is he already there waiting for me ? Has he chosen a nice and cozy room ? Gosh , my belly 's full of butterflies ! My eyes slowly open and the blurred images regain some of their form . Where am I ? This looks like a motel room , no doubt about it . . . Damn , this hangover 's gonna kill me . . . Mmm , where is the girl I shagged last night ? Where was I last night and with whom ? Hard to remember right now , but whoever she was has already left . As I stumble around the place 's furniture the memories of last night resist to show up ; instead , flashbacks of my life haunt me . I make it to the bathroom . My toothbrush , shaver , lotions and creams are organized exactly the same way I have them arranged back in my crib . I run to the closet and find all of my clothing nice and clean . How much time have I spent in this place ? I need a bath . Inside the bathtub there are my soap and shampoo brands , as back home . This place . . . What the hell ? ! I wasn 't here last night ! Oh ! My head . . . I can 't even scream inside my head . . . all this is too strange . . . I think I 'm gonna be sick . I put my pijamas on and exit the room . The corridor is desolated . I go downstairs ; there 's no one in the lobby . Checking the record books I find my registration entry , it was last night . . . Where the fuck am I ? . . . nothing makes sense . . . " That 's life " they say , " that 's the way it is " . Well , I decided life doesn 't have to be like that . When I first made it to this motel I took out that piece of meat they call heart , with a fist wrapped in blood . I needed to get away from everything ; even from myself . I put it in a drawer . Sometimes I place it on the table and stare at it . Strange as it is , it still beats . . . even though I cannot feel anything . Now there 's no place to run , no way to hide ; and no need to . I 'm no longer human , I 've become something else entirely : I 'm a walking corpse . And they 're aware of my presence ; I know it because they step away from me . It 's like the coldness of my body frightens them . Maybe they 're afraid of becoming like me , maybe they think I could harm them if they come near me . It doesn 't matter anymore ; nothing can stop me now ; they can 't hurt me ever again . Mom and dad left some time ago . They told me they needed to spend some " quality time " together , or something . I miss them ; I 've never been away from them for so long , it 's like time had swallowed them whole . They didn 't gave me an address nor telephone number to contact them . If I could just hear their voice , know they 're fine , anything ! Why haven 't they called ? ! Are they ever coming back ? ! I skipped school this morning because I wanted to look for them , and find they 're OK . I 'm not sure why , but somehow I feel they need me , like they 're calling me . I 've been riding my bike all day with no certain direction ; and yet I 've got this strange feeling I 'm getting closer and closer , and as this feeling grows , so does the coldness . . . real weird stuff . . . like if I had went through some kind of barrier , a frontier between me and I don 't know what . . . like I said , weird stuff , kinda creepy . Mmm . . . there 's something bright in the distance : it 's neon lights . Maybe a motel ? , like the ones alongside roads in the desert . . . only this one isn 't at the side of the road , it 's its end . Anyway , I 'd better get there fast , before I freeze to death . Ever since she died I have longed to linger . The cancer devoured her slowly and sorely consuming us both until there was neither flesh nor blood to hold on to . I survived to her only for our children ; to see them grow strong and happy . We worked it out as a family led by her loving memory . We grew closer to each other , giving comfort to ourselves . We had to somehow fill the empty space left by her death . For quite a while it was OK . Our children needed me and I was always there for them . But now that has changed , they have grown strong and happy , and just like that they have left home to pursue their own future ; a future where I am too old and lonely to wish to live . I go back to those years and it feels like they had never happened , just like some kind of dream ; a bad dream as it feels now . I have saved an obolus for Khárôn to take me to the other side of the river 's flow . I have decided I do not want him to take me here in our home . I would like to embark on my journey somewhere else far away from here , away from everything . A place where I have never been before , where I can finally rest as I am , as a forgotten old man . Posted by Right now I 'm drunk . It 's 4 a . m . and I 'm driving nowhere . The night 's cool and quiet ; I 'm not . I go as fast as I can wishing maybe a rabbit or the jackal chasing it will get caught in the headlights making my reflexes spring into action , making me turn the steering wheel violently in the hopes that the little animal won 't be just another innocent victim , like myself . . . the scared little creep looking back at me , standing in the middle of the highway frozen in fear ; then my reaction and then this car bouncing out of control until it crashes against a cactus tree . Away from everything there 'd be no help . . . it 'll be a lonely , painful and slow death . I can see it a thousand times in my mind . . . but , am I not already dying ? This thing I 'm feeling . . . at first I thought it was rage . . . now I know it 's not rage , is frustration . . . in the end , just sadness . . . plain and simple , dark and blue sadness ; just like this desert . Looking into the rearview mirror I can see how everything 's changed , despite we promised each other it never would . Things doesn 't work all the time ; I stopped caring some time ago . She was my life , now there 's nothing left . What 's that ? Are those neon lights ? I fear I 'm coming closer at an increasing speed . I don 't recognize the distance between things anymore , and I don 't really care : the bottle of gin at my side has taken care of it . Suddenly it 's too late when I realize I 'm driving my car directly against a building , a motel of sorts . I don 't bother to close my eyes and wait for the collision . If this is the end , it 'd make a good death . I 'm almost there where I finally die nailed to a wall , crushed inside my car 's cabin . I can 't wait for the impact . I resist once again the urge to close my eyes , the thrill exciting the liquor in my blood , my heart pumping faster and faster . . . but then reality loses its grip on me as I break through the motel as if it were an illusion , its walls made of the same fabrics dreams are made of . Instead of crashing against it I found out the place rests at the end of a cliff whiPosted by I 've been driving for hours , wandering . Suddenly I see a diner at the side of the road . I park my car and go inside . The place 's gloomy and dirty , like if it were abandoned years ago . . . it feels so lonely . . . there 's only another customer beside me ; I can 't see him clearly but he appears to be an old man . I sit down and order a lime pie ; I 'm asked in return where I 'm heading . " I don 't know " I answer . The old waitress goes to the counter to get my pie and comes back with it . " Well my dear , If you follow that road , after a couple hours you 'll see neon lights in the horizon . If you don 't know where to go , go there " she says with an afflicted grimace . I ask her for a pencil and a piece of paper ; she kindly hands them to me . I start writing : " So here I am , writing this letter to you . I haven 't done this in a while … I don 't recall the last time I wrote a letter to anyone … I never wrote you a letter . . . It doesn 't matter anyway . I miss you so much . . . I miss the way your harsh look can be so sweet as soon as your funny dimple shows up on your left cheek everytime you smile , the tender way your hands touch me and how you always stare at me ; God , I felt so loved and secure when you did that . . . the way you hug me . . . This isn 't good , thinking about all that . . . I 'm growing weary of looking at your photographs and paintings and listening to the music we enjoyed so much together ; it hurts me , it keeps me thinking about you . All the good things , everything that was great between you and me is killing me … killing me very slowly , like a stake to the heart gently driven into my chest . I don 't know why I 'm writing this . Since you ran away nobody knows where you are so the most probable thing is that you 'll never read this … Where are you ? You only left a good - bye note . I 've looked everywhere , I 've asked everyone ; but you 're nowhere to be found and no one knows of your whereabouts . It 's like you had entirely disappeared from the land of the living . Was it so bad with me ? Were our differenPosted by The blood dries in my mouth while the tiny scraps of flesh lie scattered on the blankets . As I look away the sunlight slowly leaves the room through the window throwing me into this darkness , a darkness only lit by the neon sign outside . . . Tomorrow there won 't be a beautiful dawn to stare at , the same way as there won 't be someone to share this cold and cloudy night . It was supposed to be perfect , I know . After you helped me run away from my home there was nothing that could get between us . . . except ourselves . I shouldn 't have left you , but I panicked . I 'm aware I 'm just a stupid little girl for running away . . . I feel so miserable for hurting you . . . . . . I take another bite ripping off a little more skin . . . I think of you often . I want to see you again , to hold you . . . my fingers dial your number with a will of their own , but I can 't bring myself to talk to you ' cause I know you 're never coming back with me ; not since I left in the middle of the night , scared of committing to you . . . Now I have nowhere to go ; I have no family and no lover ; there 's no one to look after me . This anxiety 's driving me mad . . . The only thing I do is sit on this corner and eat my fingernails , desperately . . . what am I saying ? I ate my fingernails already . . . so I 've began to tear the flesh off my fingers . . . if only the pain and the taste of blood in my mouth could cast away this emptiness I 'm feeling . . . . . . In this motel days go by one after another monotonously . . . and I can 't sleep with you still living inside of me . . . I wake up in the middle of the night , scared , crying , my nerves shattered . . . I can 't see a thing , I find it hard to breath , I cough . . . I can 't stop crying . . . It takes me a while to remember where I am as my eyes slowly adjust themselves to the darkness . . . I recognize the broken TV set and the paint falling from the dirty walls and I remember I 'm here , lying in the bed of a forgotten motel room in the middle of nowhere . . . then I remember everything . . . I was torn apart a night like any other , at the age of fourteen . That night I was walking down the street like I always used to . Then four men raised from the dark , unseen . They hastily took my clothes off and put a bag on my head . They pushed me and I fell on my back against the pavement , with my underwear down my ankles . They almost beat me senseless . They spread my legs and one by one let me feel their weight all over me . . . inside me . I couldn 't scream ; I didn 't make a sound . I recall everything that happened on that night , like still photographs from a sad movie , second by second playing in my mind . So I wake up crying in the middle of the night , not knowing why . I find myself in complete darkness , so I suddenly realize the bag 's again on my head . I try hysterically to stop them , to repel them , not wanting to be hurt any more . . . but it 's too late . . . they fuck me every time they want ; they come and go in and out of my soul every time they want . Sometimes I smell their foul breath intoxicating the air . It might happen in the middle of a sunny day , and I know it 's absurd , but the smell just won 't leave me . . . so I start crying in panic , fearing they 're behind me , again , waiting for me to turn back and start it all over from the beginning . . . It doesn 't matter , they don 't need me to turn around , not even touch me , to fuck me . Outside , the clapping thunder announces a storm 's coming . Soon it 'll be here . Its noise is starting to get to my nerves . . . to think I came here in the first place because of the city 's unbearable noise . I can 't work with it . The big city and its highways always consumed in traffic jams , sidewalks crowded with people talking unceasingly , kids on every park crying and laughing loudly , the sky obscured by its tall skyscrapers and airplanes . . . it 's so fucking irritating . . . And just when you 'd think that going to the desert - where there 's literally no one - would relieve you of the city 's noises , then you have to face a storm , and a big one . The rain 's already starting to pound hard against the cheap ceiling . " You 'll be just fine , you 're going to love the desert 's landscape , it 'll be nice and quiet " said the stupid cow back home . She even made the reservation for this cheap motel , couldn 't she 've found a worst place ? Anyhow , I 've brought everything I could possibly need to work here , from my notebook computer to my espresso machine and coffee brand . " You 're exaggerating , " she said . Well , I don 't give a fuck what she says . Anyway , everything 's set up . I 've been working non - stop for the last couple of hours . If it weren 't for that goddamn storm it would be perfect . . . Holy shit what was that ! All the lights went out . . . I 'll be damned if a lightning struck the fucking place ! Shit I don 't know when was the last fucking time I saved ! Fuck ! Don 't panic , don 't panic . . . Sure it 's a momentary thing , the place should have an auxiliary power plant for these kind of situations . . . Oh God , please tell me I didn 't lose those last hours of work , please , please ! When did I save for the last time ? If I were back home she 'd be all over me bitchin ' " I told ya ! I told ya to always save after you finish a draft " . I know that 's what she 'd be bitchin ' over and over , like that 's gonna make any difference at all . . . Why aren 't the lights back on already ? Isn 't there a fucking janitor around ! ? I try to reach for the phone but I accidentally spillPosted by
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I 've heard there 's a place where people go when they don 't know what else to do . I can 't tell you how to get there ; I have no directions or address . I can only tell you to follow that road . . . and get lost . . . lost into the night . you 'll find it , I know you will ; you 'll know it when you see the neon lights . . . Back then , when we married - even before - when we where hanging out , he always used to hold my hand . No matter where we went , no matter where we were , with friends or all by ourselves , he 'd always hold my hand . Now he 's just a shape beside me . I think I don 't love him anymore and it doesn 't even make me sad . Is this what hate is all about ? I don 't know for how long I can take it . " This is our last chance , to make things right , to go back to what we used to be " , she said while making the reservations to this motel we 're heading . " It 'll be our second honey moon , it 'll be great , you 'll see " , she continued . Well , the truth is , I can 't see anything in this fog . We almost crashed some kilometers back . She stared back at me with judging eyes , like it was all my fault . . . This place better be a bomb , ' cause I really don 't know how long I can take it . To think we were so happy . . . what happened ? We have a son , he always wanted a boy , now he has it . . . Isn 't that enough ? God , what am I thinking . . . what was I thinking when I decided to come to this place . . . If he 'd just hurry , I feel so uncomfortable in this car . She 's so selfish . She 's always expecting something from me ; from everyone . I 'm the one who has to carry with all the weight of this relationship , of this marriage . . . That word . . . its sound is no longer familiar . We 've talked about divorce already . And my boy . . . she wouldn 't say it , but she 's been clear enough about it : she won 't let me have him ; I can have everything else , the house , the car , whatever I want , but not him . . . She might be sitting next to me - quiet and beautiful - looking at the desert through the window , but I can 't recognize her anymore , she 's like someone else . . . and I am so lonely right now . . . The rain won 't stop falling . Right now it feels like forever . I think I 've been moving in circles for too long . This damn rain , I can 't see a thing . Somewhere in the distance there are neon lights : it 's a motel for sure . As I keep going the rain has already made it through my clothes . I 'm soaking wet when I finally make it there . As I thought , it 's a motel . I enter only to find there aren 't any rooms left . With no other choice I hang the wet clothes and hit the bar . People come and go without notice in these places , so I figure - if I hang around I may get a room , sooner than later - . Inside the bar the place is deserted , except for a strange guy in a corner drinking in silence . I sit down and wait . . . I don 't know what I 'm waiting for , but I have nothing else to do than wait . Time goes by and I can 't do anything but watch it drown in an endless moment . . . Where am I ? I 've never been here before . . . it 's that why I feel so lost ? My chest , it 's like someone beat it with a hammer . I can 't breath , I 'm suffocating . . . what is this place ? Oh God , please tell me it isn 't Hell . His last words before hanging up were " I 'll meet you there " . So now I 'm looking for this place , though I really feel it 's calling me . I have no address , at least not a real one , only directions , signs , indications on where to turn and where to go straight . But then , I can 't help the feeling I 'm going in circles . I can 't wait to see him again , to hold him and kiss him . We 've grown so distant over the last few months . . . I just want this last chance to make things right , to erase the mistakes of the past and build a better future for us both . I love him so much I can 't really explain what has happened between us . . . sometimes I fear it 's someone else , but what really terrifies me is , well , it 's me . . . What if it 's all my fault ? What if it 's me who 's grown distant ? What if I 'm not enough ? I can only wish he can forgive me as I have forgiven him . . . At last ! " The neon lights in the distance , " just as they said back in town ! I 'm so excited I can 't wait ! Is he already there waiting for me ? Has he chosen a nice and cozy room ? Gosh , my belly 's full of butterflies ! My eyes slowly open and the blurred images regain some of their form . Where am I ? This looks like a motel room , no doubt about it . . . Damn , this hangover 's gonna kill me . . . Mmm , where is the girl I shagged last night ? Where was I last night and with whom ? Hard to remember right now , but whoever she was has already left . As I stumble around the place 's furniture the memories of last night resist to show up ; instead , flashbacks of my life haunt me . I make it to the bathroom . My toothbrush , shaver , lotions and creams are organized exactly the same way I have them arranged back in my crib . I run to the closet and find all of my clothing nice and clean . How much time have I spent in this place ? I need a bath . Inside the bathtub there are my soap and shampoo brands , as back home . This place . . . What the hell ? ! I wasn 't here last night ! Oh ! My head . . . I can 't even scream inside my head . . . all this is too strange . . . I think I 'm gonna be sick . I put my pijamas on and exit the room . The corridor is desolated . I go downstairs ; there 's no one in the lobby . Checking the record books I find my registration entry , it was last night . . . Where the fuck am I ? . . . nothing makes sense . . . " That 's life " they say , " that 's the way it is " . Well , I decided life doesn 't have to be like that . When I first made it to this motel I took out that piece of meat they call heart , with a fist wrapped in blood . I needed to get away from everything ; even from myself . I put it in a drawer . Sometimes I place it on the table and stare at it . Strange as it is , it still beats . . . even though I cannot feel anything . Now there 's no place to run , no way to hide ; and no need to . I 'm no longer human , I 've become something else entirely : I 'm a walking corpse . And they 're aware of my presence ; I know it because they step away from me . It 's like the coldness of my body frightens them . Maybe they 're afraid of becoming like me , maybe they think I could harm them if they come near me . It doesn 't matter anymore ; nothing can stop me now ; they can 't hurt me ever again . Mom and dad left some time ago . They told me they needed to spend some " quality time " together , or something . I miss them ; I 've never been away from them for so long , it 's like time had swallowed them whole . They didn 't gave me an address nor telephone number to contact them . If I could just hear their voice , know they 're fine , anything ! Why haven 't they called ? ! Are they ever coming back ? ! I skipped school this morning because I wanted to look for them , and find they 're OK . I 'm not sure why , but somehow I feel they need me , like they 're calling me . I 've been riding my bike all day with no certain direction ; and yet I 've got this strange feeling I 'm getting closer and closer , and as this feeling grows , so does the coldness . . . real weird stuff . . . like if I had went through some kind of barrier , a frontier between me and I don 't know what . . . like I said , weird stuff , kinda creepy . Mmm . . . there 's something bright in the distance : it 's neon lights . Maybe a motel ? , like the ones alongside roads in the desert . . . only this one isn 't at the side of the road , it 's its end . Anyway , I 'd better get there fast , before I freeze to death . Ever since she died I have longed to linger . The cancer devoured her slowly and sorely consuming us both until there was neither flesh nor blood to hold on to . I survived to her only for our children ; to see them grow strong and happy . We worked it out as a family led by her loving memory . We grew closer to each other , giving comfort to ourselves . We had to somehow fill the empty space left by her death . For quite a while it was OK . Our children needed me and I was always there for them . But now that has changed , they have grown strong and happy , and just like that they have left home to pursue their own future ; a future where I am too old and lonely to wish to live . I go back to those years and it feels like they had never happened , just like some kind of dream ; a bad dream as it feels now . I have saved an obolus for Khárôn to take me to the other side of the river 's flow . I have decided I do not want him to take me here in our home . I would like to embark on my journey somewhere else far away from here , away from everything . A place where I have never been before , where I can finally rest as I am , as a forgotten old man . Posted by Right now I 'm drunk . It 's 4 a . m . and I 'm driving nowhere . The night 's cool and quiet ; I 'm not . I go as fast as I can wishing maybe a rabbit or the jackal chasing it will get caught in the headlights making my reflexes spring into action , making me turn the steering wheel violently in the hopes that the little animal won 't be just another innocent victim , like myself . . . the scared little creep looking back at me , standing in the middle of the highway frozen in fear ; then my reaction and then this car bouncing out of control until it crashes against a cactus tree . Away from everything there 'd be no help . . . it 'll be a lonely , painful and slow death . I can see it a thousand times in my mind . . . but , am I not already dying ? This thing I 'm feeling . . . at first I thought it was rage . . . now I know it 's not rage , is frustration . . . in the end , just sadness . . . plain and simple , dark and blue sadness ; just like this desert . Looking into the rearview mirror I can see how everything 's changed , despite we promised each other it never would . Things doesn 't work all the time ; I stopped caring some time ago . She was my life , now there 's nothing left . What 's that ? Are those neon lights ? I fear I 'm coming closer at an increasing speed . I don 't recognize the distance between things anymore , and I don 't really care : the bottle of gin at my side has taken care of it . Suddenly it 's too late when I realize I 'm driving my car directly against a building , a motel of sorts . I don 't bother to close my eyes and wait for the collision . If this is the end , it 'd make a good death . I 'm almost there where I finally die nailed to a wall , crushed inside my car 's cabin . I can 't wait for the impact . I resist once again the urge to close my eyes , the thrill exciting the liquor in my blood , my heart pumping faster and faster . . . but then reality loses its grip on me as I break through the motel as if it were an illusion , its walls made of the same fabrics dreams are made of . Instead of crashing against it I found out the place rests at the end of a cliff whiPosted by I 've been driving for hours , wandering . Suddenly I see a diner at the side of the road . I park my car and go inside . The place 's gloomy and dirty , like if it were abandoned years ago . . . it feels so lonely . . . there 's only another customer beside me ; I can 't see him clearly but he appears to be an old man . I sit down and order a lime pie ; I 'm asked in return where I 'm heading . " I don 't know " I answer . The old waitress goes to the counter to get my pie and comes back with it . " Well my dear , If you follow that road , after a couple hours you 'll see neon lights in the horizon . If you don 't know where to go , go there " she says with an afflicted grimace . I ask her for a pencil and a piece of paper ; she kindly hands them to me . I start writing : " So here I am , writing this letter to you . I haven 't done this in a while … I don 't recall the last time I wrote a letter to anyone … I never wrote you a letter . . . It doesn 't matter anyway . I miss you so much . . . I miss the way your harsh look can be so sweet as soon as your funny dimple shows up on your left cheek everytime you smile , the tender way your hands touch me and how you always stare at me ; God , I felt so loved and secure when you did that . . . the way you hug me . . . This isn 't good , thinking about all that . . . I 'm growing weary of looking at your photographs and paintings and listening to the music we enjoyed so much together ; it hurts me , it keeps me thinking about you . All the good things , everything that was great between you and me is killing me … killing me very slowly , like a stake to the heart gently driven into my chest . I don 't know why I 'm writing this . Since you ran away nobody knows where you are so the most probable thing is that you 'll never read this … Where are you ? You only left a good - bye note . I 've looked everywhere , I 've asked everyone ; but you 're nowhere to be found and no one knows of your whereabouts . It 's like you had entirely disappeared from the land of the living . Was it so bad with me ? Were our differenPosted by The blood dries in my mouth while the tiny scraps of flesh lie scattered on the blankets . As I look away the sunlight slowly leaves the room through the window throwing me into this darkness , a darkness only lit by the neon sign outside . . . Tomorrow there won 't be a beautiful dawn to stare at , the same way as there won 't be someone to share this cold and cloudy night . It was supposed to be perfect , I know . After you helped me run away from my home there was nothing that could get between us . . . except ourselves . I shouldn 't have left you , but I panicked . I 'm aware I 'm just a stupid little girl for running away . . . I feel so miserable for hurting you . . . . . . I take another bite ripping off a little more skin . . . I think of you often . I want to see you again , to hold you . . . my fingers dial your number with a will of their own , but I can 't bring myself to talk to you ' cause I know you 're never coming back with me ; not since I left in the middle of the night , scared of committing to you . . . Now I have nowhere to go ; I have no family and no lover ; there 's no one to look after me . This anxiety 's driving me mad . . . The only thing I do is sit on this corner and eat my fingernails , desperately . . . what am I saying ? I ate my fingernails already . . . so I 've began to tear the flesh off my fingers . . . if only the pain and the taste of blood in my mouth could cast away this emptiness I 'm feeling . . . . . . In this motel days go by one after another monotonously . . . and I can 't sleep with you still living inside of me . . . I wake up in the middle of the night , scared , crying , my nerves shattered . . . I can 't see a thing , I find it hard to breath , I cough . . . I can 't stop crying . . . It takes me a while to remember where I am as my eyes slowly adjust themselves to the darkness . . . I recognize the broken TV set and the paint falling from the dirty walls and I remember I 'm here , lying in the bed of a forgotten motel room in the middle of nowhere . . . then I remember everything . . . I was torn apart a night like any other , at the age of fourteen . That night I was walking down the street like I always used to . Then four men raised from the dark , unseen . They hastily took my clothes off and put a bag on my head . They pushed me and I fell on my back against the pavement , with my underwear down my ankles . They almost beat me senseless . They spread my legs and one by one let me feel their weight all over me . . . inside me . I couldn 't scream ; I didn 't make a sound . I recall everything that happened on that night , like still photographs from a sad movie , second by second playing in my mind . So I wake up crying in the middle of the night , not knowing why . I find myself in complete darkness , so I suddenly realize the bag 's again on my head . I try hysterically to stop them , to repel them , not wanting to be hurt any more . . . but it 's too late . . . they fuck me every time they want ; they come and go in and out of my soul every time they want . Sometimes I smell their foul breath intoxicating the air . It might happen in the middle of a sunny day , and I know it 's absurd , but the smell just won 't leave me . . . so I start crying in panic , fearing they 're behind me , again , waiting for me to turn back and start it all over from the beginning . . . It doesn 't matter , they don 't need me to turn around , not even touch me , to fuck me . Outside , the clapping thunder announces a storm 's coming . Soon it 'll be here . Its noise is starting to get to my nerves . . . to think I came here in the first place because of the city 's unbearable noise . I can 't work with it . The big city and its highways always consumed in traffic jams , sidewalks crowded with people talking unceasingly , kids on every park crying and laughing loudly , the sky obscured by its tall skyscrapers and airplanes . . . it 's so fucking irritating . . . And just when you 'd think that going to the desert - where there 's literally no one - would relieve you of the city 's noises , then you have to face a storm , and a big one . The rain 's already starting to pound hard against the cheap ceiling . " You 'll be just fine , you 're going to love the desert 's landscape , it 'll be nice and quiet " said the stupid cow back home . She even made the reservation for this cheap motel , couldn 't she 've found a worst place ? Anyhow , I 've brought everything I could possibly need to work here , from my notebook computer to my espresso machine and coffee brand . " You 're exaggerating , " she said . Well , I don 't give a fuck what she says . Anyway , everything 's set up . I 've been working non - stop for the last couple of hours . If it weren 't for that goddamn storm it would be perfect . . . Holy shit what was that ! All the lights went out . . . I 'll be damned if a lightning struck the fucking place ! Shit I don 't know when was the last fucking time I saved ! Fuck ! Don 't panic , don 't panic . . . Sure it 's a momentary thing , the place should have an auxiliary power plant for these kind of situations . . . Oh God , please tell me I didn 't lose those last hours of work , please , please ! When did I save for the last time ? If I were back home she 'd be all over me bitchin ' " I told ya ! I told ya to always save after you finish a draft " . I know that 's what she 'd be bitchin ' over and over , like that 's gonna make any difference at all . . . Why aren 't the lights back on already ? Isn 't there a fucking janitor around ! ? I try to reach for the phone but I accidentally spillPosted by
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I 've already been to one fall party and am leaving in a bit for party # 2 and party # 3 ! We finally reached a decision about what to do tonight instead of trick - or - treating . My plan to stay home , make soup , and play games didn 't fly . Our children earned some money for their awesome report cards , and they are dying to spend it , so our new plan is to go out for dinner ( mexican , of course ) and then head to Target . Our church is collecting shoeboxes this year for Operation Christmas Child , so they each need to buy something for their shoebox , and then they can buy something for themselves with whatever money they have left . It 's a good plan , and we 're all looking forward to it . And oh , they 're going to get candy . . . from mom and dad . . . but I think we 're going to pretend that we forgot to buy some and hide it in their pillowcases ( thanks for the idea , DP ) and let them be surprised to find it before bed . Abbey dressed up as a princess for her class party this morning . And Sarah is planning to dress up like one of her American Girl dolls . Simple and EASY ! Will is way too cool to dress up . I 'm planning to let them go to a few of our neighbors houses to trick - or - treat , but just a couple and then we 're heading out for our grand adventure ! I 'm off to do some more celebrating . Enjoy your day ! PS - - Abbey wanted me to tell you she knows how to whistle now . And that she has a loose tooth . She 's growing up so fast ! ! ! . . . you MUST try these bands . They 're awesome . I have this one piece of hair that just will not stay in my hair band . It is constantly falling out and annoying me to no end . I picked up this package of hair bands earlier today , pulled my hair back when I got home , and they 're the perfect solution . Those rubber grippy things hold my hair in place . Yay ! It just occurred to me that I might have to share these with my husband . Never in a million years did I think I 'd be saying that . And wow , two posts in one day , and BOTH are about hair . That 's so weird . My five - year - old cannot stand having her hair brushed . Abbey is normally a very happy and pleasant girl , but every single morning , there is whining and crying until the task is completed and the brush is once again bansished to the drawer . Every single morning . She pleads for me to " brush it soft , mommy " and every single morning I do my best to brush soft so as not to hurt her tender head . An impossible feat , really . Our hairbrushing session this morning was particularly hideous for us both . As I was brushing , and she was crying , I noticed a large clump of something in her hair . It was silly putty . Silly putty . . . in her HAIR . I 'll spare you all the details , just know that it wasn 't a whole lot of fun . There was much weeping and gnashing of teeth . I 'm not a fan of silly putty . Probably because it always ends up somewhere besides that little red egg it comes in . Like , say , the carpet , or our clothes ( I 've picked it out of both carpet and clothes this week ) , or my daughter 's hair ! As of this morning , all silly putty has been removed from this house , never to cross our threshold again . Because I simply cannot endure another experience with that smooth , pink stuff . * * * Comments are now closed . I 'll post a winner shortly . * * * Shannon at Rocks in My Dryer is hosting the Fall Y ' all Bloggy Giveaway , and I 've decided to give away a Creative Memories Landscape album in peacock blue . The landscape album is 12x10 and comes with 15 white pages . I 'm also including a set of 12x10 page protectors ! To enter this giveaway , simply leave a comment on this blog by 5 : 00PM MDT on Saturday , November 3 . I 'll draw a winner and post on Sunday , November 4 . You don 't have to be a blogger to enter this contest , but you must make sure that I have some way to contact you if you 're the winner . Sorry , I can only ship to a US address . Click here or on the button below to see the incredible list of items up for grabs and how you can participate ! Such fun stuff ! Okay , who doesn 't read Boomama ? If you have never visited her blog , you 're missing out on so much southern goodness . Seriously , she makes me homesick for the South , and every time I visit there , I leave with a smile on my face ! My smile was HUGE on Saturday when I saw that I was one of two lucky winners in her most recent giveaway . I won a jewelry set created by Lisa ! I chose # 2 and am so excited . Lisa is mailing it this week , and I can guarantee you I 'll be checking my mailbox with anticipation . Lisa is seriously talented . Take a look at the beautiful jewelry she makes . . . and maybe you can knock out some of your holiday shopping ! We 're wrapping up a 4 - day weekend . Our kids were out of school Thursday and Friday for conferences . I wish I could tell you we did something fun and exciting over our break , but the reality is that we didn 't do much of anything . And it was very nice . The highlight for me was staying in my pajamas on Thursday and Friday until 11AM . I rarely get to do that , and it was great ! The kids each had a playdate but that was the extent of our fun . Sarah 's playdate didn 't end up being too fun . . . she got sick and puked while her friend was here . So sad . She 's much better now ( thankfully ! ) and I promised to make it up to her and her friend . We did do something crafty on Saturday after Sarah perked up a bit . We made these cute paper boxes ! My friend showed me one that her daughter made at a craft class , and let me borrow it to make a template . It was so easy and so fun ! What a fun little container for a Starbucks card , or how cute to make a box with Christmas or Valentine paper and fill it with candy or something " happy " . So speaking of being crafty . . . I 'm usually NOT . I get the urge every so often , but generally , I 'm pretty okay to spend my time doing other things . However , I 'm trying to think of some creative and inexpensive gift ideas for teachers / neighbors / friends for the holiday season . Anyone have any GREAT ideas you want to share ? ? It 's official . We 're not trick - or - treating this year . I 'm buying ePosted by Stink ! is what my daughter says when something doesn 't go quite like she wanted it to . And that 's what I 'm saying right now , because the Red Sox just swept the world series and man , I was hoping the Rockies could pull of at least one win . I 'm sad for those guys . I came across a couple of very funny blogs today . I 'm a grammar nut , and think I would do well as a copy editor because I catch things that others apparently don 't . Grammar mistakes usually annoy me . I 've been known to circle grammatical errors in notes from my kids ' school and send them back in . Seriously . If a teacher can 't get it right , how will my children learn ! ? Today when I read these posts I was more humored than annoyed ! Click here and here and see for yourself how rampant these mistakes really are . And please , laugh ! The other day I was at my health food store and picked up some frozen entrees that were on sale . I enjoy having something hot for lunch on chilly days , and when I opened the freezer to look for something to eat today , I saw this box and thought that these black bean - vegetable enchiladas sounded perfect . The smell from the microwave as they were cooking was delicious . . . and so was the first bite or two . That 's when I realized that the little white chunks I was seeing in my enchilada were not chunks of chicken , but TOFU . Blech . Blech . Blech . I just ate tofu . And I 've gotta tell you , it will never be something I like , or can even tolerate . And just so you know . . . nowhere on the front of that box does it mention tofu as an ingredient in the BLACK BEAN - VEGETABLE enchilada . Very misleading if you ask me . Abbey 's leftover pb & j is calling my name , so I 'm signing off . Hope your day is lovely . . . and tofu - free ! Do you trick - or - treat with your kids ? We have always done this with our kids on Halloween . But this year , I 'm trying to persuade the kids to stay home and have Family Night instead . The bottom line is that I just don 't like it , and yes , I realize that probably sounds incredibly selfish . It 's always cold here on Halloween ( and usually snowing ) and I 'm just not into making costumes either . I 'm the creatively challenged parent who cringes when it 's Pioneer Day at school and I have to come up with a pioneer costume . . . ugh . Trick - or - treating also results in massive amounts of candy , and I get really tired of my children asking begging and pleading with me to eat some of their sugary stash for weeks and weeks ( I 've been known to toss big handfuls of candy when they aren 't looking ! ) Last year I took them to a fall festival sponsored by a local church because it was bitterly cold and we had tons of snow and ice on the ground . It was a bust . Everyone else had the same idea and we stood in line for 20 + minutes to play a single game and get one or two pieces of candy . I gave up and took them trick - or - treating , but it was so cold they had to wear their coats over their costumes . . . and they weren 't very happy with me , and let 's just say it was a very , very long night . I 'm just curious if I 'm the only one who struggles with this . Am I a total party pooper ? How does your family handle trick - or - treating ? ? ? ? I 'm hoping they 'll go for my plan to stay home , make a big pot of soup , pop some popcorn and make some caramel apples , watch a movie or play games , and just enjoy a cozy fall night with our family . A little bribery might help too . . . I promised them each an entire bag of their favorite candy . I 'm not sure I 'm ready for this . . . We woke up to snow this morning . When we left for church this morning we had about 3 - 4 inches on the ground . When we returned , we had 3 - 4 additional inches . It stopped snowing about 10 minutes ago , and we can finally see the mountains behind our house . . . and a few rays of sunshine too . Yay ! I have a love - hate relationship with snow . I love it most of the time . I love watching it fall . I love how clean and white and pretty it makes things look . I love being inside on snowy days and making soup or baking cookies with my kids . And I even love playing in it . What I don 't love is how long our snow season lasts . It starts in October and lasts until May . Seven long months of snow . It snowed on my kids last day of school . . . May 23 . I 'm usually tired of it by February . And I get tired of my car being dirty , my floors being dirty , and all of our shoes being dirty . I don 't like driving in it either . Looks like snow season is here . . . ready or not . Happy Sunday ! I can 't remember exactly when my husband started calling me his " girlfriend " , but he does , and I like it . I 'm so used to it that I don 't even notice when he does it , but let me tell you , other people notice . John wrote a letter to the editor of our small town newspaper this week . It was a letter about homework and the ridiculous amount that our children bring home each night . And in the letter , John referred to me as his girlfriend . I thought nothing of it . Until my email inbox starting filling up and my phone started ringing with questions from my friends wanting to know if I was the girlfriend . It was kinda hard not to laugh . One of the secretaries from my kids ' school called me and after I reassured her that John and I are still happily married , she told the others gathered around the phone , " See , I told you . " The others thought that maybe he really did have a girlfriend and that I was unaware and that " they " should break the news to me . Hilarious . Maybe . I 'm slightly worried that folks in our small town might not get the gist of the homework issue he wrote about because they 're sidelined by the whole " girlfriend " phrase . So , I 'm working on getting girlfriend privileges . . . more dates , more phone calls , more flowers , more jewelry . You get the picture . I 'll keep you posted . Woo Hoo ! ! ! ! I am so excited ! It is WAY past my bedtime , but I had to know the outcome of tonight 's game ! Thrilling ! ! By the way , the only game of the entire season that got rained out was the only game we tried to go to this year . Isn 't that a major bummer ? ? ? Today was definitely Monday , and Monday is my least favorite day of the week . It 's been a hard day . Hard for several different reasons which I don 't feel like delving into . I WILL tell you about the highlight of my day . My morning hike . Okay , if that sounds like I hike every day , I don 't , but I do meet with some friends several mornings each week to walk and we try to mix it up a little every now and then with a hike . Here are some pics from our hike this morning . . . I love seeing the clouds reflected in this pond ! ! If you look closely in the photo above , you 'll see some of the snow left from yesterday ! And I LOVE that yellow patch of aspen trees to the left of the rocks . I can see it from my back window and until yesterday , when the wind blew most of the leaves away , that patch of trees looked like it was in the shape of a heart . We almost didn 't go this morning because it was so cold and rainy ( with some snow mixed in ) yesterday and the forecast called for more of the same for the early part of today . Reluctantly , we bundled up and set out into the cloudy morning , and we were rewarded soon after with clear blue sky and a crisp fall day . Beautiful . We hiked up to this rock formation ( trying hard not to pay attention to all the mountain lion habitat warning signs ) and it was stunning . We could see for miles . The aspen trees and scrub oak were wearing their fall colors , and there was even some remaining snow on the trees and it was just beautiful ! The remainder of my week is very , very full . Field trips , volunteer obligations , kid stuff , and more . I 'm so thankful for the time outdoors today . It is just what I needed . A big breath of life to fill and sustain me through the craziness of the days to come ! It was the very best part of this Monday . I love Razorback football . And I am NOT a fickle fan . I stick with the Hogs through thick and thin , but this season is feeling particularly thin and I 'm trying hard to maintain my enthusiasm for them from 1000 miles away . I 'm so bummed they lost to Auburn tonight . . . and in the last 30 seconds too ! Ugh . This was the one and only home game I really wanted to go to . And now , I 'm glad it didn 't work out for me to fly home for it . I would have been hugely disappointed . At least LSU lost to Kentucky . That eases my pain a bit ! I had THE best day today ! I got to spend the day with two new friends , friends I met in blogland ! Holly lives about 5 miles away , and we met this summer . She is so sweet , full of joy , and is always so encouraging and thoughtful . I 've enjoyed getting to know her very much . Holly introduced me to Joanne 's blog and I 've been a faithful reader ever since . I was thrilled when Joanne invited me and Holly to come and spend the day with her . She is just as warm and gracious and hospitable and crafty as I expected her to be ! Really , it was a lovely time together . We chatted for awhile , then Joanne made a delicious lunch for us and would not let us do anything to help her . I felt so pampered ! She put so much thought into everything and made it really special . See . . . here 's the table she set for us . . . isn 't it beautiful ? And do you see that pumpkin ? She grew it in her garden ! Our time together was way too short . . . I could have stayed all day ( had I not had kiddos to retrieve and a play to attend and an unexpected errand to run ) but we 'll just have to get together again ! ! Before we left , Joanne gave us each a fall basket full of goodies - - zucchini from her garden , homemade peach butter , a loaf of homemade bread ( Joanne , my kids gave you RAVE reviews after school while snacking on bread and butter ! ) , a pretty fall dishtowel , fall napkins , and an adorable pumpkin she made . Joanne loves to have people in her home and it is so evident that hospitality is her gift . It was a wonderful , blessed day , and I 'm so thankful for my new friends ! Thanks , Joanne for the photos . . . I totally stole them from you ! It 's only Tuesday and I 'm already starting to dread the weekend . I 'm dreading it because it is filling up fast . With playdates , and birthday parties , and many more activities . Ugh . I 'm not an anti - fun - mom . I 'm really not . I love for my kids to have play - dates , and I love birthday parties , but I also love my weekends and I love family time . I 'm a homebody through and through and when I have a weekend that is full of activity and little time at home , I start to feel a bit claustrophobic . And that is exactly how I 'm feeling right now - - claustrophobic . And have I mentioned that it 's only Tuesday ! ? ! So what do I say " no " to ? I 'm actually praying about it because I don 't know . All of the things on tap for the weekend are good things and involve people we love . Do I suck it up and just do it all knowing that it 's just this one weekend that is particularly crazy ? Or do I go with my gut , say no and guard our family time , ensuring we all get some needed rest , but risk hurting some feelings . I really don 't know . You can pray for some wisdom to come my way . I love getting a fresh haircut . And I love the girl who cuts my hair . It took me awhile to find her , but she 's cut my hair for 2 + years and I 'm hoping for a long - lasting relationship ! She 's great . So great in fact , that my husband started going to her as well . And a ton of other people too . She 's that good ! And because she 's that good , she 's * always * full . I can 't just decide on a whim that I need a haircut . . . I have to schedule it 2 months in advance ! I usually try to go 8 - 10 weeks in between haircuts anyway , so I just make an appointment when I go in for a cut . Anyway , John mentioned last week that he needed to call Rachel about getting a hair cut . I laughed out loud and wished him luck seeing as how it takes months to get an appointment with her . Not weeks , but months . I gave him her phone number , and when he arrived home from work that evening , he told me he had an appointment for Tuesday ( tomorrow ) . Shock and disbelief were all over my face . HOW did you do that I demanded . Seems he called and the receptionist told him exactly what I told him . . . take a number , mister . He could hear her flipping pages in her big ' ole appointment book . She then sweetly asked who she was speaking to ? When he told her , she said , " Oh , John . . . well let me see what I can do ? How about next Tuesday at 10 : 30 , sweetie ? " WHAT ? ! ARE YOU KIDDING ME ? ? ? My next appointment has been on the books forEVER , and he calls on a Thursday and gets an appointment for Tuesday ! ! ! That sweet receptionist called a bit ago to remind J of his appointment and asked if I wanted mine cut too . Seems Rachel had a cancellation right before John . Of course I jumped at the chance to get beautified ( quit laughing ) alongside my husband , but mostly because Rachel is going on maternity leave soon and this will give me a chance to squeeze one more cut in before she disappears for 3 months . And you have no idea how many times I 've prayed that she won 't decide to become a stay - at - home mom . So tomorrow morning John and I have a hot date planned . . . for Starbucks and then the salonPosted by I have a tender heart . It took years for me to understand that and allow it to be true . Shortly after John and I were married , we took the Myers - Briggs personality test . I was an ESTJ , my husband an INFP . Complete and total opposites . The third letter in each profile , T / F , represents a thinking versus a feeling person . I was so prideful back then of my " T " , my thinking personality . I remember being proud that my head ruled my heart . And heaven forbid my heart might rule my head . Oh no . Not this girl . I was steely and cold . . . always in contol of my emotions . . . at all costs . And then I had a child . And another . And another . And the girl I was began to soften and melt away . No longer could I control my emotions . When they 'd rise to the surface , I was embarrassed and ashamed of them and did everything I knew to push them back down and bury them . My heart was softening , but I didn 't like it one bit . To be honest , it scared me . And I didn 't like losing control of something I 'd had control of for so long . Slowly and tenderly , God has been showing me that my tender heart is good . It is how He created me . And slowly , I 've been releasing the need to keep my emotions and my tears buried . Relinquishing control . I mentioned before that my kids laugh at me because I cry when I 'm overwhelmed by beauty . Sometimes I see Pikes Peak in all her spendor and the only way I can respond is with tears . I cry when I 'm hurt , I cry when I 'm sad , when I 'm happy , when I 'm angry , when I 'm thankful , I cry when my heart is breaking , and sometimes I cry when I 'm afraid . I 'm trying to get to the point that I 'm okay with my tears . . . that it 's okay for them to fall . Sometimes I 'm much more comfortable with them than others . I was at a retreat at my church about a year ago , and on that particular day , I was a mess . There were some things going on in my life that felt extremely weighty . The moment we began worship , my tears started falling . They didn 't stop for most of the day either . It felt weird to be seen and exposed like that , but you know what happened ? Posted by Miss Abbey is in girl heaven today . She has her daddy home and she has his full attention . She talked him into playing Groovy Girls with her . Isn 't he a groovy dad to do that ? I 'm sitting in the kitchen and I can hear them in the next room . She 's pretending that her groovy girls are staying at the Stanley Hotel . The Stanley Hotel is in Estes Park and we spent some time visiting there a couple weeks ago . They 're just too cute in there playing , so I walk in to take their picture . I asked Abbey if she knew where the Stanley Hotel was . She looked at me blankly , and I tell her that it 's located in mommy 's favorite spot in the world . Still blank looks from her . I finally tell her that the Stanley Hotel is in Estes Park , and without missing a beat she said , " Mommy , I thought your favorite place in the world was HOME " . Oh yeah , she 's right it is my favorite place . And she told me it was hers too . And I thought my heart might explode when she said it . So sweet ! Ahhh . . . a lazy weekend . I love it . We all slept in this morning and are still in our pjs . I don 't know if I can find words to tell you how much I LOVE days like these . Nothing in on the agenda , except a trip to the library this afternoon . And maybe a craft project with the kids . Abbey keeps telling me she wants to decorate for fall and so I 'm heading downstairs in a bit to get my fall stuff out and let her help me scatter pumpkins and scarecrows and leaves everywhere ! All of that is fun for me , and it 's so much more fun when you have unhurried time to do it . Tomorrow looks restful too ! We haven 't been to church in a couple of weeks since we 've been out of town , so church is on the agenda . . . then another lazy afternoon . We 're bracing for a cold front that 's moving through tomorrow ( with the chance of SNOW - - Yippee ! ) so I 'm making soup and hoping to catch the Broncos game ! Or read . Or both . We need a weekend like this . . . I 'm so thankful for a chance to enjoy my family and catch up on our rest . Hope you can do the same ! We LOVED Steamboat Springs . It was a really beautiful place , and it was a beautiful drive up there as well . The mountains were aglow with aspen color , and it did in fact snow on Saturday night . So pretty ! And such a treat . I love snow , but I 'm not really ready for it to start falling here at home . I 'd like to enjoy fall first . On Saturday , we hiked up to Fish Creek Falls , then had a picnic . The weather was wonderful , and the falls were breathtaking ! John and I found a trail we 'd like to go back and hike another time . . . up to a lake above the falls . Um , so much for thinking I might actually get a good family photo for our Christmas cards ! We also spent some time walking downtown and window shopping . My favorite place we visited was the Thomas Mangelsen gallery . Mangelsen is a nature photographer and his work is absolutely stunning . My kids make fun of me all the time because I cry when I 'm overcome by beauty . . . in life , in nature , in a lot of things actually . . . and that gallery moved me to tears . Some of the most beautiful nature photographs I 've ever seen . And my in - laws bought me a small framed photo . . . which I love . ( Again , thank you so very much ! ) I chose a photo of aspen trees with their distinctive white bark and golden leaves . So lovely . Our children were disappointed that the alpine slide was closed for the season . That really would have been fun ! And I didn 't know before this weekend that Steamboat Springs is home to the Olympic Alpine Training Center . Very neat . Our visit was a short one , but we enjoyed it , and enjoyed spending time with John 's parents . What a treat to get to see them two weekends in a row . . . both in Colorado . Oh . . . we didn 't see any bears this time , but we heard that one visited our condo grounds each night . John got up to run Sunday morning ( in the SNOW ) and saw the overturned dumpster and strewn garbage . If we 'd seen a bear two weekends in a row , I don 't think I could have handled such excitement ! Can you see the ski runs in the photo above ? The above photo was taken looking down into the valleyPosted by Hi , I 'm Meredith . I 'm a wife , mom , hiker , mountain climber , student , coffee drinker , Christ - follower , nature lover , and nutrition nerd . I grew up in the South but have called Colorado home for almost thirteen years and I love this state with all my heart . My family currently resides in a small , mountain community that sits at . . . you guessed it . . . 7000 ft above sea level . This blog is a bit like a family scrapbook for me . It 's a place where I write about my family and lots of other things I love . Welcome !
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I 've already been to one fall party and am leaving in a bit for party # 2 and party # 3 ! We finally reached a decision about what to do tonight instead of trick - or - treating . My plan to stay home , make soup , and play games didn 't fly . Our children earned some money for their awesome report cards , and they are dying to spend it , so our new plan is to go out for dinner ( mexican , of course ) and then head to Target . Our church is collecting shoeboxes this year for Operation Christmas Child , so they each need to buy something for their shoebox , and then they can buy something for themselves with whatever money they have left . It 's a good plan , and we 're all looking forward to it . And oh , they 're going to get candy . . . from mom and dad . . . but I think we 're going to pretend that we forgot to buy some and hide it in their pillowcases ( thanks for the idea , DP ) and let them be surprised to find it before bed . Abbey dressed up as a princess for her class party this morning . And Sarah is planning to dress up like one of her American Girl dolls . Simple and EASY ! Will is way too cool to dress up . I 'm planning to let them go to a few of our neighbors houses to trick - or - treat , but just a couple and then we 're heading out for our grand adventure ! I 'm off to do some more celebrating . Enjoy your day ! PS - - Abbey wanted me to tell you she knows how to whistle now . And that she has a loose tooth . She 's growing up so fast ! ! ! . . . you MUST try these bands . They 're awesome . I have this one piece of hair that just will not stay in my hair band . It is constantly falling out and annoying me to no end . I picked up this package of hair bands earlier today , pulled my hair back when I got home , and they 're the perfect solution . Those rubber grippy things hold my hair in place . Yay ! It just occurred to me that I might have to share these with my husband . Never in a million years did I think I 'd be saying that . And wow , two posts in one day , and BOTH are about hair . That 's so weird . My five - year - old cannot stand having her hair brushed . Abbey is normally a very happy and pleasant girl , but every single morning , there is whining and crying until the task is completed and the brush is once again bansished to the drawer . Every single morning . She pleads for me to " brush it soft , mommy " and every single morning I do my best to brush soft so as not to hurt her tender head . An impossible feat , really . Our hairbrushing session this morning was particularly hideous for us both . As I was brushing , and she was crying , I noticed a large clump of something in her hair . It was silly putty . Silly putty . . . in her HAIR . I 'll spare you all the details , just know that it wasn 't a whole lot of fun . There was much weeping and gnashing of teeth . I 'm not a fan of silly putty . Probably because it always ends up somewhere besides that little red egg it comes in . Like , say , the carpet , or our clothes ( I 've picked it out of both carpet and clothes this week ) , or my daughter 's hair ! As of this morning , all silly putty has been removed from this house , never to cross our threshold again . Because I simply cannot endure another experience with that smooth , pink stuff . * * * Comments are now closed . I 'll post a winner shortly . * * * Shannon at Rocks in My Dryer is hosting the Fall Y ' all Bloggy Giveaway , and I 've decided to give away a Creative Memories Landscape album in peacock blue . The landscape album is 12x10 and comes with 15 white pages . I 'm also including a set of 12x10 page protectors ! To enter this giveaway , simply leave a comment on this blog by 5 : 00PM MDT on Saturday , November 3 . I 'll draw a winner and post on Sunday , November 4 . You don 't have to be a blogger to enter this contest , but you must make sure that I have some way to contact you if you 're the winner . Sorry , I can only ship to a US address . Click here or on the button below to see the incredible list of items up for grabs and how you can participate ! Such fun stuff ! Okay , who doesn 't read Boomama ? If you have never visited her blog , you 're missing out on so much southern goodness . Seriously , she makes me homesick for the South , and every time I visit there , I leave with a smile on my face ! My smile was HUGE on Saturday when I saw that I was one of two lucky winners in her most recent giveaway . I won a jewelry set created by Lisa ! I chose # 2 and am so excited . Lisa is mailing it this week , and I can guarantee you I 'll be checking my mailbox with anticipation . Lisa is seriously talented . Take a look at the beautiful jewelry she makes . . . and maybe you can knock out some of your holiday shopping ! We 're wrapping up a 4 - day weekend . Our kids were out of school Thursday and Friday for conferences . I wish I could tell you we did something fun and exciting over our break , but the reality is that we didn 't do much of anything . And it was very nice . The highlight for me was staying in my pajamas on Thursday and Friday until 11AM . I rarely get to do that , and it was great ! The kids each had a playdate but that was the extent of our fun . Sarah 's playdate didn 't end up being too fun . . . she got sick and puked while her friend was here . So sad . She 's much better now ( thankfully ! ) and I promised to make it up to her and her friend . We did do something crafty on Saturday after Sarah perked up a bit . We made these cute paper boxes ! My friend showed me one that her daughter made at a craft class , and let me borrow it to make a template . It was so easy and so fun ! What a fun little container for a Starbucks card , or how cute to make a box with Christmas or Valentine paper and fill it with candy or something " happy " . So speaking of being crafty . . . I 'm usually NOT . I get the urge every so often , but generally , I 'm pretty okay to spend my time doing other things . However , I 'm trying to think of some creative and inexpensive gift ideas for teachers / neighbors / friends for the holiday season . Anyone have any GREAT ideas you want to share ? ? It 's official . We 're not trick - or - treating this year . I 'm buying ePosted by Stink ! is what my daughter says when something doesn 't go quite like she wanted it to . And that 's what I 'm saying right now , because the Red Sox just swept the world series and man , I was hoping the Rockies could pull of at least one win . I 'm sad for those guys . I came across a couple of very funny blogs today . I 'm a grammar nut , and think I would do well as a copy editor because I catch things that others apparently don 't . Grammar mistakes usually annoy me . I 've been known to circle grammatical errors in notes from my kids ' school and send them back in . Seriously . If a teacher can 't get it right , how will my children learn ! ? Today when I read these posts I was more humored than annoyed ! Click here and here and see for yourself how rampant these mistakes really are . And please , laugh ! The other day I was at my health food store and picked up some frozen entrees that were on sale . I enjoy having something hot for lunch on chilly days , and when I opened the freezer to look for something to eat today , I saw this box and thought that these black bean - vegetable enchiladas sounded perfect . The smell from the microwave as they were cooking was delicious . . . and so was the first bite or two . That 's when I realized that the little white chunks I was seeing in my enchilada were not chunks of chicken , but TOFU . Blech . Blech . Blech . I just ate tofu . And I 've gotta tell you , it will never be something I like , or can even tolerate . And just so you know . . . nowhere on the front of that box does it mention tofu as an ingredient in the BLACK BEAN - VEGETABLE enchilada . Very misleading if you ask me . Abbey 's leftover pb & j is calling my name , so I 'm signing off . Hope your day is lovely . . . and tofu - free ! Do you trick - or - treat with your kids ? We have always done this with our kids on Halloween . But this year , I 'm trying to persuade the kids to stay home and have Family Night instead . The bottom line is that I just don 't like it , and yes , I realize that probably sounds incredibly selfish . It 's always cold here on Halloween ( and usually snowing ) and I 'm just not into making costumes either . I 'm the creatively challenged parent who cringes when it 's Pioneer Day at school and I have to come up with a pioneer costume . . . ugh . Trick - or - treating also results in massive amounts of candy , and I get really tired of my children asking begging and pleading with me to eat some of their sugary stash for weeks and weeks ( I 've been known to toss big handfuls of candy when they aren 't looking ! ) Last year I took them to a fall festival sponsored by a local church because it was bitterly cold and we had tons of snow and ice on the ground . It was a bust . Everyone else had the same idea and we stood in line for 20 + minutes to play a single game and get one or two pieces of candy . I gave up and took them trick - or - treating , but it was so cold they had to wear their coats over their costumes . . . and they weren 't very happy with me , and let 's just say it was a very , very long night . I 'm just curious if I 'm the only one who struggles with this . Am I a total party pooper ? How does your family handle trick - or - treating ? ? ? ? I 'm hoping they 'll go for my plan to stay home , make a big pot of soup , pop some popcorn and make some caramel apples , watch a movie or play games , and just enjoy a cozy fall night with our family . A little bribery might help too . . . I promised them each an entire bag of their favorite candy . I 'm not sure I 'm ready for this . . . We woke up to snow this morning . When we left for church this morning we had about 3 - 4 inches on the ground . When we returned , we had 3 - 4 additional inches . It stopped snowing about 10 minutes ago , and we can finally see the mountains behind our house . . . and a few rays of sunshine too . Yay ! I have a love - hate relationship with snow . I love it most of the time . I love watching it fall . I love how clean and white and pretty it makes things look . I love being inside on snowy days and making soup or baking cookies with my kids . And I even love playing in it . What I don 't love is how long our snow season lasts . It starts in October and lasts until May . Seven long months of snow . It snowed on my kids last day of school . . . May 23 . I 'm usually tired of it by February . And I get tired of my car being dirty , my floors being dirty , and all of our shoes being dirty . I don 't like driving in it either . Looks like snow season is here . . . ready or not . Happy Sunday ! I can 't remember exactly when my husband started calling me his " girlfriend " , but he does , and I like it . I 'm so used to it that I don 't even notice when he does it , but let me tell you , other people notice . John wrote a letter to the editor of our small town newspaper this week . It was a letter about homework and the ridiculous amount that our children bring home each night . And in the letter , John referred to me as his girlfriend . I thought nothing of it . Until my email inbox starting filling up and my phone started ringing with questions from my friends wanting to know if I was the girlfriend . It was kinda hard not to laugh . One of the secretaries from my kids ' school called me and after I reassured her that John and I are still happily married , she told the others gathered around the phone , " See , I told you . " The others thought that maybe he really did have a girlfriend and that I was unaware and that " they " should break the news to me . Hilarious . Maybe . I 'm slightly worried that folks in our small town might not get the gist of the homework issue he wrote about because they 're sidelined by the whole " girlfriend " phrase . So , I 'm working on getting girlfriend privileges . . . more dates , more phone calls , more flowers , more jewelry . You get the picture . I 'll keep you posted . Woo Hoo ! ! ! ! I am so excited ! It is WAY past my bedtime , but I had to know the outcome of tonight 's game ! Thrilling ! ! By the way , the only game of the entire season that got rained out was the only game we tried to go to this year . Isn 't that a major bummer ? ? ? Today was definitely Monday , and Monday is my least favorite day of the week . It 's been a hard day . Hard for several different reasons which I don 't feel like delving into . I WILL tell you about the highlight of my day . My morning hike . Okay , if that sounds like I hike every day , I don 't , but I do meet with some friends several mornings each week to walk and we try to mix it up a little every now and then with a hike . Here are some pics from our hike this morning . . . I love seeing the clouds reflected in this pond ! ! If you look closely in the photo above , you 'll see some of the snow left from yesterday ! And I LOVE that yellow patch of aspen trees to the left of the rocks . I can see it from my back window and until yesterday , when the wind blew most of the leaves away , that patch of trees looked like it was in the shape of a heart . We almost didn 't go this morning because it was so cold and rainy ( with some snow mixed in ) yesterday and the forecast called for more of the same for the early part of today . Reluctantly , we bundled up and set out into the cloudy morning , and we were rewarded soon after with clear blue sky and a crisp fall day . Beautiful . We hiked up to this rock formation ( trying hard not to pay attention to all the mountain lion habitat warning signs ) and it was stunning . We could see for miles . The aspen trees and scrub oak were wearing their fall colors , and there was even some remaining snow on the trees and it was just beautiful ! The remainder of my week is very , very full . Field trips , volunteer obligations , kid stuff , and more . I 'm so thankful for the time outdoors today . It is just what I needed . A big breath of life to fill and sustain me through the craziness of the days to come ! It was the very best part of this Monday . I love Razorback football . And I am NOT a fickle fan . I stick with the Hogs through thick and thin , but this season is feeling particularly thin and I 'm trying hard to maintain my enthusiasm for them from 1000 miles away . I 'm so bummed they lost to Auburn tonight . . . and in the last 30 seconds too ! Ugh . This was the one and only home game I really wanted to go to . And now , I 'm glad it didn 't work out for me to fly home for it . I would have been hugely disappointed . At least LSU lost to Kentucky . That eases my pain a bit ! I had THE best day today ! I got to spend the day with two new friends , friends I met in blogland ! Holly lives about 5 miles away , and we met this summer . She is so sweet , full of joy , and is always so encouraging and thoughtful . I 've enjoyed getting to know her very much . Holly introduced me to Joanne 's blog and I 've been a faithful reader ever since . I was thrilled when Joanne invited me and Holly to come and spend the day with her . She is just as warm and gracious and hospitable and crafty as I expected her to be ! Really , it was a lovely time together . We chatted for awhile , then Joanne made a delicious lunch for us and would not let us do anything to help her . I felt so pampered ! She put so much thought into everything and made it really special . See . . . here 's the table she set for us . . . isn 't it beautiful ? And do you see that pumpkin ? She grew it in her garden ! Our time together was way too short . . . I could have stayed all day ( had I not had kiddos to retrieve and a play to attend and an unexpected errand to run ) but we 'll just have to get together again ! ! Before we left , Joanne gave us each a fall basket full of goodies - - zucchini from her garden , homemade peach butter , a loaf of homemade bread ( Joanne , my kids gave you RAVE reviews after school while snacking on bread and butter ! ) , a pretty fall dishtowel , fall napkins , and an adorable pumpkin she made . Joanne loves to have people in her home and it is so evident that hospitality is her gift . It was a wonderful , blessed day , and I 'm so thankful for my new friends ! Thanks , Joanne for the photos . . . I totally stole them from you ! It 's only Tuesday and I 'm already starting to dread the weekend . I 'm dreading it because it is filling up fast . With playdates , and birthday parties , and many more activities . Ugh . I 'm not an anti - fun - mom . I 'm really not . I love for my kids to have play - dates , and I love birthday parties , but I also love my weekends and I love family time . I 'm a homebody through and through and when I have a weekend that is full of activity and little time at home , I start to feel a bit claustrophobic . And that is exactly how I 'm feeling right now - - claustrophobic . And have I mentioned that it 's only Tuesday ! ? ! So what do I say " no " to ? I 'm actually praying about it because I don 't know . All of the things on tap for the weekend are good things and involve people we love . Do I suck it up and just do it all knowing that it 's just this one weekend that is particularly crazy ? Or do I go with my gut , say no and guard our family time , ensuring we all get some needed rest , but risk hurting some feelings . I really don 't know . You can pray for some wisdom to come my way . I love getting a fresh haircut . And I love the girl who cuts my hair . It took me awhile to find her , but she 's cut my hair for 2 + years and I 'm hoping for a long - lasting relationship ! She 's great . So great in fact , that my husband started going to her as well . And a ton of other people too . She 's that good ! And because she 's that good , she 's * always * full . I can 't just decide on a whim that I need a haircut . . . I have to schedule it 2 months in advance ! I usually try to go 8 - 10 weeks in between haircuts anyway , so I just make an appointment when I go in for a cut . Anyway , John mentioned last week that he needed to call Rachel about getting a hair cut . I laughed out loud and wished him luck seeing as how it takes months to get an appointment with her . Not weeks , but months . I gave him her phone number , and when he arrived home from work that evening , he told me he had an appointment for Tuesday ( tomorrow ) . Shock and disbelief were all over my face . HOW did you do that I demanded . Seems he called and the receptionist told him exactly what I told him . . . take a number , mister . He could hear her flipping pages in her big ' ole appointment book . She then sweetly asked who she was speaking to ? When he told her , she said , " Oh , John . . . well let me see what I can do ? How about next Tuesday at 10 : 30 , sweetie ? " WHAT ? ! ARE YOU KIDDING ME ? ? ? My next appointment has been on the books forEVER , and he calls on a Thursday and gets an appointment for Tuesday ! ! ! That sweet receptionist called a bit ago to remind J of his appointment and asked if I wanted mine cut too . Seems Rachel had a cancellation right before John . Of course I jumped at the chance to get beautified ( quit laughing ) alongside my husband , but mostly because Rachel is going on maternity leave soon and this will give me a chance to squeeze one more cut in before she disappears for 3 months . And you have no idea how many times I 've prayed that she won 't decide to become a stay - at - home mom . So tomorrow morning John and I have a hot date planned . . . for Starbucks and then the salonPosted by I have a tender heart . It took years for me to understand that and allow it to be true . Shortly after John and I were married , we took the Myers - Briggs personality test . I was an ESTJ , my husband an INFP . Complete and total opposites . The third letter in each profile , T / F , represents a thinking versus a feeling person . I was so prideful back then of my " T " , my thinking personality . I remember being proud that my head ruled my heart . And heaven forbid my heart might rule my head . Oh no . Not this girl . I was steely and cold . . . always in contol of my emotions . . . at all costs . And then I had a child . And another . And another . And the girl I was began to soften and melt away . No longer could I control my emotions . When they 'd rise to the surface , I was embarrassed and ashamed of them and did everything I knew to push them back down and bury them . My heart was softening , but I didn 't like it one bit . To be honest , it scared me . And I didn 't like losing control of something I 'd had control of for so long . Slowly and tenderly , God has been showing me that my tender heart is good . It is how He created me . And slowly , I 've been releasing the need to keep my emotions and my tears buried . Relinquishing control . I mentioned before that my kids laugh at me because I cry when I 'm overwhelmed by beauty . Sometimes I see Pikes Peak in all her spendor and the only way I can respond is with tears . I cry when I 'm hurt , I cry when I 'm sad , when I 'm happy , when I 'm angry , when I 'm thankful , I cry when my heart is breaking , and sometimes I cry when I 'm afraid . I 'm trying to get to the point that I 'm okay with my tears . . . that it 's okay for them to fall . Sometimes I 'm much more comfortable with them than others . I was at a retreat at my church about a year ago , and on that particular day , I was a mess . There were some things going on in my life that felt extremely weighty . The moment we began worship , my tears started falling . They didn 't stop for most of the day either . It felt weird to be seen and exposed like that , but you know what happened ? Posted by Miss Abbey is in girl heaven today . She has her daddy home and she has his full attention . She talked him into playing Groovy Girls with her . Isn 't he a groovy dad to do that ? I 'm sitting in the kitchen and I can hear them in the next room . She 's pretending that her groovy girls are staying at the Stanley Hotel . The Stanley Hotel is in Estes Park and we spent some time visiting there a couple weeks ago . They 're just too cute in there playing , so I walk in to take their picture . I asked Abbey if she knew where the Stanley Hotel was . She looked at me blankly , and I tell her that it 's located in mommy 's favorite spot in the world . Still blank looks from her . I finally tell her that the Stanley Hotel is in Estes Park , and without missing a beat she said , " Mommy , I thought your favorite place in the world was HOME " . Oh yeah , she 's right it is my favorite place . And she told me it was hers too . And I thought my heart might explode when she said it . So sweet ! Ahhh . . . a lazy weekend . I love it . We all slept in this morning and are still in our pjs . I don 't know if I can find words to tell you how much I LOVE days like these . Nothing in on the agenda , except a trip to the library this afternoon . And maybe a craft project with the kids . Abbey keeps telling me she wants to decorate for fall and so I 'm heading downstairs in a bit to get my fall stuff out and let her help me scatter pumpkins and scarecrows and leaves everywhere ! All of that is fun for me , and it 's so much more fun when you have unhurried time to do it . Tomorrow looks restful too ! We haven 't been to church in a couple of weeks since we 've been out of town , so church is on the agenda . . . then another lazy afternoon . We 're bracing for a cold front that 's moving through tomorrow ( with the chance of SNOW - - Yippee ! ) so I 'm making soup and hoping to catch the Broncos game ! Or read . Or both . We need a weekend like this . . . I 'm so thankful for a chance to enjoy my family and catch up on our rest . Hope you can do the same ! We LOVED Steamboat Springs . It was a really beautiful place , and it was a beautiful drive up there as well . The mountains were aglow with aspen color , and it did in fact snow on Saturday night . So pretty ! And such a treat . I love snow , but I 'm not really ready for it to start falling here at home . I 'd like to enjoy fall first . On Saturday , we hiked up to Fish Creek Falls , then had a picnic . The weather was wonderful , and the falls were breathtaking ! John and I found a trail we 'd like to go back and hike another time . . . up to a lake above the falls . Um , so much for thinking I might actually get a good family photo for our Christmas cards ! We also spent some time walking downtown and window shopping . My favorite place we visited was the Thomas Mangelsen gallery . Mangelsen is a nature photographer and his work is absolutely stunning . My kids make fun of me all the time because I cry when I 'm overcome by beauty . . . in life , in nature , in a lot of things actually . . . and that gallery moved me to tears . Some of the most beautiful nature photographs I 've ever seen . And my in - laws bought me a small framed photo . . . which I love . ( Again , thank you so very much ! ) I chose a photo of aspen trees with their distinctive white bark and golden leaves . So lovely . Our children were disappointed that the alpine slide was closed for the season . That really would have been fun ! And I didn 't know before this weekend that Steamboat Springs is home to the Olympic Alpine Training Center . Very neat . Our visit was a short one , but we enjoyed it , and enjoyed spending time with John 's parents . What a treat to get to see them two weekends in a row . . . both in Colorado . Oh . . . we didn 't see any bears this time , but we heard that one visited our condo grounds each night . John got up to run Sunday morning ( in the SNOW ) and saw the overturned dumpster and strewn garbage . If we 'd seen a bear two weekends in a row , I don 't think I could have handled such excitement ! Can you see the ski runs in the photo above ? The above photo was taken looking down into the valleyPosted by Hi , I 'm Meredith . I 'm a wife , mom , hiker , mountain climber , student , coffee drinker , Christ - follower , nature lover , and nutrition nerd . I grew up in the South but have called Colorado home for almost thirteen years and I love this state with all my heart . My family currently resides in a small , mountain community that sits at . . . you guessed it . . . 7000 ft above sea level . This blog is a bit like a family scrapbook for me . It 's a place where I write about my family and lots of other things I love . Welcome !
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I just tracked all my points , and depending on how I calculate my two margaritas from last night , I have used more than my 35 weekly points . The WW tracker says that a margarita is 5 points ( for 4 ounces ) and I 'm pretty sure my drinks were 8 ounces , so that would mean 20 points for the two drinks , ugh . . . That puts me 9 POINTS in the hole . Probably not enough to gain weight . But certainly enough to keep me from having a good loss . I will go to Zumba tonight to try to limit the damage . And I will have an OP ( on - plan ) day today because I have no social activities planned . Yesterday , was a pretty blah day , overall . I was hungover and sleep deprived all day which made me unproducive at work and made me lock my keys inside my car when I went to run errands , which cost me an hour and a half and forty bucks . . . boo . After all that , I had zero desire to go to the gym : ( My date with A went well though . He brought me flowers : ) and took me to a cool restaurant in Richmond ( hence the therapeutic margaritas ) . We had fun , but I called it an early night so that I could attempt to make up on some sleep . I got about 6 . 5 hours last night and I feel marginally better , although my body is really craving more sleep . Anyway , today is a new day . I 'm not sure why I feel quite so grumpy . I think my body really needs a good workout and some fruits and vegetables . I 'm feeling a little bloated and gross from so much alcohol . I want to preface this by saying WW is a lifestyle not a diet . . . Last night , I had a plan . I intended to clean my apartment , go to my dance class , cook a healthy dinner , watch a movie , and go to bed early . So , I got home spent an hour and a half cleaning , got dressed in my workout clothes , drove to my gym and discovered the class was cancelled . . . ugh . . . And I forgot my iPod so I didn 't stay to work out ( lame , I know ) . Then , when I was walking to my apartment , I ran into some boys next door who invited me over for a drink . One drink turned into five and PIZZA at 1 am . I only had about 2 / 3 of a slice , but still . . . So my original plan failed , but I definitely had a fun night . . . I am a little annoyed with myself because I have a feeling this will show up on the scale , although I had enough weeklies to cover the damage . However , WW is a lifestyle , not a diet . . . Right now , I am feeling pretty sleep deprived and hungover , yuck . Going to bed at 1 : 30am and waking up at 6am is not pretty . Especially when you sleep with your contacts on . And then this morning , I spent about 20 minutes searching for my cell phone , which I found wrapped up in my covers . However , today is a new day and a chance to get back on track . I ate my typical breakfast ( bagel thin with peanut butter and honey ) and I have been guzzling water . I plan on having Subway for lunch , so that should be pretty good for points . I 'm going out with A again tonight : ) and he 's taking me to this cool bar / restaurant , and I 'm NOT GOING to drink very much ( max two drinks ) and I WILL stay within my points . I 'm hoping that I can still have a good weigh in this week , but at this point I 'm not feeling all that optimistic . Happy Monday everyone ! I 'm sorry I failed to post this weekend , but what with traveling to my parent 's house to help with their construction project , going on two dates , and going to my Zumba class I did not have much time to post ; ) All in all , it was a good , active weekend . I struggled with tracking my meals but I think I managed to eat pretty well and stay ( mostly ) within my points . On Friday , I went out with a new guy , A , and we had a great time . He took me to this nice Greek restaurant near Carytown and I splurged for the evening . We started out with red wine , then we got Greek salads and stuffed grape leaves . I ordered a pork tenderloin kabob for my main dish and it was very yummy and then we split a piece of baklava for dessert . And then we walked around Carytown and got ICE CREAM CONES - - my favorite dessert in the whole world . Overall , I tried to enjoy my indulgence in moderation - - I only hate half of my entree , only had a few forkfulls of baklava , and only had about half of my gigantic ice cream cone . Now , for me that is a major NSV ( Non - scale victory ) because I have never in my life thrown away left over ice cream . However , on Friday night as I was licking my cone , it hit me that I was actually pretty full , so I threw it away . When I counted my points , I estimated about 16 points for the whole dinner , so I had to break into some of my weeklies . But the date was fun and it 's nice to splurge once in a while ; ) On Saturday , I drove to my parent 's house outside of DC ( early ) to help put up drywall in the new addition , as my Father 's Day gift for my dad . Basically , my dad has tackled a huge project to enlarge my parent 's bedroom and bathroom and he needs all the help he can get ( since he also works a full time job ) . So , my entire family pitched in yesterday to help with the gigantic job of putting up the drywall . I basically did whatever I was asked to do - - from carrying huge pieces of drywall from the driveway to the house , hammering staples , covering the insulation with plastic , etc . . . It was pretty hard work , aPosted by Yesterday I pretty much failed at being healthy . . . but I had a good time : ) Breakfast : Coffee ( 1 ) Fiber 1 Bar ( 1 ) Lunch : Wrap ( 1 ) Grilled Chicken ( 4 ) Laughing Cow Cheese ( 2 ) Snack : Fiber 1 Bar ( 1 ) Dinner : 1 Long Island Iced Tea ( 8 , just guessing ) 1 Beer ( 3 ) Total points : 21But I did not go over my points , so I guess that 's good . . . maybe . . . At the moment , I am actually feeling slighly headachy and hungover despite only drinking 2 drinks ( although that Long Island was VERY strong ) . Not surprisingly , I got a little bit drunk last night , and I had a good time on my date with a JM - - a different guy from J . We went to Carytown and got drinks at this cool place called New York Deli - - where they make awesome drinks . And then we walked around Carytown and hung out outside . It was very nice ; ) The nice thing about Richmond is that it 's a very low key city - - you can almost always find free parking , you can find cheap yummy restaurants , and the people you meet tend to be pretty friendly and easy going . Plus , the housing is really cheap , so I can afford to live there : ) Anyway , I started my day out with a bagel thin with peanut butter and honey - - I was hungry from last night . I brought a sweet potato , black beans , and sour cream so that will be my lunch , yum ! And then I 'm going to the gym after work . No class today , but I want to get in some quality time on the elliptical . In other news , I am now fitting comfortably in one of my pairs of " skinny jeans , " so I 'm really pleased about that : ) Happy Friday everyone ! Down 1 . 6Which is a little disappointing , if you want to know the truth . After working out 5 days this week , eating within my points , and using hardly any of my weekly points , I had one of my lowest losses so far . There are a million reasons to explain the small loss - - my big loss last week wasn 't quite real , the amount of kosher salt I consumed last night , the intense heat , hormones , building muscle , etc . . . And none of those reasons matter one bit ( in the long run ) . A good week is a good week , and if I have more like it I will reach my goal . So with that said , I am going to ignore the number on the scale . I enjoyed getting more exercise this week and , after all , I 'm doing this to become a " healthy " person not necessarily a Size 6 . Good morning everyone and happy Thursday ! It 's amazing how well my day turned out after my disaster of a morning . My boss was really understanding and let me miss a few hours of work without using leave , I enjoyed my Zumba class and felt energized and refreshed ( taking a day off is sometimes a great idea ) , the gas was turned back on , and I cooked an amazing salad for dinner that was super easy and tasted like summer . I basically got home from the gym feeling absolutely starving so I took out a baking sheet and put some asparagus , 1 / 2 sliced red pepper , and slices of tomato on it . I sprinkled the whole lot with some kosher salt and tossed it with 2 tsp of olive oil . Then I baked it for about 20 minutes . In the meantime , I chopped up half a huge chicken breast into bite sized chunks , marinaded it with some honey mustard dressing , and then tossed it onto a non - stick frying pan on medium heat . Then put some romaine lettuce in my salad bowl and added some sliced onion and 1 / 4 cup black beans . At the end , I basically tossed everything in the salad and added 1 tbsp of honey mustard dressing and it was DELICIOUS . I also ate a warmed piece of flat bread with it . The points broke down like this : Baked veggies with olive oil ( 2 . 5 ) Honey mustard dressing ( 2 ) Chicken ( 4 ) 1 / 4 cup black beans ( 1 ) Flat bread ( 1 ) Total points : 10 . 5 Not too shabby for an absolutely delicious and huge salad . Plus , I tend to overestimate my points slightly , and I count the dressing used for the marinade . And I typically don 't weigh my chicken so I have to eyeball it . However , it gave me 3 servings of vegetables , two servings of lean protein , and two servings of healthy oil - - so overall it was a very healthy and nutritious meal . Anyway , this morning is weigh in so I will let you know what the verdict is . Honestly , this week , I am not too concerned with the number on the scale because I ate within my points and tried to get in a lot of healthy food and I worked out 5 times . So I know that I had a good week , no matter what the scale says : ) Sometimes I feel like I am juggling so many different aspects of my life . I see my various responsibilites as glass snow globes ( don 't ask me why that image comes to mind ) and , well , yesterday I dropped one of the snow globes . And the pieces of glass shattered throughout my house . More specifically , I " forgot " to pay a utlities bill ( I was hoping no one would notice ) and the utilities company turned my gas off . I cannot describe the feeling of panic when you walk into your home and realize that something feels different - - oh wait , the stove won 't turn on . So anyway , I had to pay the bill which involved driving to the office this morning and means that I have to be home between 12 - 4 . I have learned my lesson the hard way - - always pay your utilites bills . Oh and I stepped in cat poop this morning , and I 'm not sure if I can ( or want to ) describe that particular sensation either . Anyway , enough about that . The good news is that the bill is paid , I will have gas this afternoon , and I will try to be a financially responsible adult from now on : ) So anyway , yesterday I took a day off from the gym and I ate a very light point day ( I think I was punishing myself ) so I only ate 17 . 5 points . I also went out with R last night - - and ironically he asked me to pay for the two of us ( when HE invited me ) . I hate to be bitchy , but seriously even my 16 - year - old brother , who doesn 't have much money , would pay for a girl on a third date - - particularly if he asked her out . And yet somehow R didn 't . I have to admit it was particularly bad timing . And I 'm sorry to say that R 's decision makes it that much easier for me to cut things off with him . Oh well . Lot 's more fish in the sea - - although I 'm beginning to doubt that . As for today , I will be leaving work early , but I am DEFINITELY going to my Zumba class tonight - - exercise always makes me feel better . And my netflix dvds are supposed to come today , which is good . So , I 'm planning on going home , going to Zumba , and then watching a dvd while eating a yummy dinner . Hopefully , my day will go a littPosted by I made it to Body Jam last night , and I 'm so glad that I gave it a try . Body Jam is somewhat like Zumba ( similar moves with lots of hip rolling ) but it is a dance routine . You learn each step and then combine the steps , so unlike Zumba you don 't start over with each new song , rather you keep doing the same moves throughout the hour . Since the rest of the class has been doing the same routine for the past month , I was definitely not as strong a dancer . But I gave it my all and got in a good workout . I managed to follow about 80 % of the steps - - so not bad for a first timer : ) The instructor was awesome and he was such a good dancer that I was able to pick up the steps pretty well . I 'm definitely going to make Body Jam a part of my workout routine . So far , I have managed to work out 4 times this week and it 's only Tuesday ! So I am pretty happy about that . Today , I am going to give my legs a rest , and tomorrow is my Zumba class , so that will make 5 times : ) On the downside , all of this exercise has definitely made me hungrier , so I 've had to work hard to stay within my points . So far so good . Anyway , tonight the guy R invited me to this show / concert thing and I 'm a little anxious about going because ( a ) it 's going to be very late on a weeknight , ( b ) I really don 't want to drink very much alcohol so close to weigh in , and last but not least , ( c ) I 'm not sure how much I like R . Anyway , I don 't really want to go , but now I feel obligated so I guess I 'm stuck with the plans ( I tried to get out of it last night , but he convinced me to say yes ) . Anyway , I have to get back to work . Wish me luck on this date tonight : ) After my eventful weekend , I really didn 't want to get out of bed this morning ! Only the thought of hot coffee and a bagel with peanut butter and honey compelled me to get up . I guess food is always the great motivator : ) Lately , I have been eating up all my points very easily , so I 've been thinking about ways to economize . Before people yell at me that eating all one 's points is a GOOD THING , please let me explain . When I first started WW with 31 points , I didn 't have to worry about blowing a few points on stupid things - - like extra dressing or a few crackers . But now that I only have 27 , it seems like I sometimes don 't have enough points in the day for everything I want to eat . HAHA . . . it 's starting to hit me that I actually can 't eat everything I want and maintain a healthy weight . Nevertheless , I 'm looking for smarter ways to eat so that I can eat more . So I have decided to stop eating so much peanut butter and limit myself to one cup of coffee with cream each day . That way , I can make room for more substantial meals . . . and let 's not forget the occasional ice cream sandwich . Okay , enough about that . In other news , I am very pleased with myself because I exercised on Friday , Saturday and Sunday . I planned on using today as a rest day , but my muscles don 't feel that bad , so I might try to make it to my Body Jam class tonight . I also have a second date with the guy R tonight - - he wants to walk around Carytown after he gets off work at around 9 : 30pm . I 'm a bit hesitant about staying out so late - - I have work tomorrow after all - - but it might be fun , so we 'll see . Anyway , I 'm sorry for the disjointed post , and I 'll let you know how Body Jam / the date goes tomorrow ! Happy Sunday everyone ! It looks like it 's going to be a beautiful day in Richmond . I 'm sorry for failing to post yesterday - - I don 't have much of an excuse except that after my Zumba class ( 11 : 30am - 12 : 30am ) I spent a good deal of the day / night sleeping . I guess I was exhausted from Friday night ; ) Friday night started out with me going to the gym . I tried the Spin Class , but it was a dismal failure . Here 's what happened . . . I got there five minutes late because of work , and the class had already started . However , I summoned my courage and walked into the class where dozens of INCREDIBLY FIT people were pumping on their bikes . So I walked to a bike and tried to get me feet into the pedals , but they wouldn 't go in ( Spin classes use very complicated bikes ) . Then I realized I had to adjust the seat , but there were several levers and the room was pretty dark . So after disrupting the class for about 5 minutes , I decided to leave . I will have to try another spin class - - one that meets at a more convenient time . Anyway , after trying the class , I returned to my old standby , the elliptical and got in a good workout , 37 minutes , 2 . 75 miles , and 375 calories burned ( but I 'm always slightly skeptical ) . After the class , I rushed home to shower , eat , and dress before my date at 8pm . The date went really well . The guy ( who turns out to be 21 years old ) picked me up and we went to a movie , and then we went to a Hookah bar afterward . It was really fun - - the only downside was that he is just my height and super skinny . I felt so much bigger than him that I felt a little uncomfortable . However , he didn 't seem to mind and he was really nice ; ) We have plans to go to Belle Island for a picnic on Monday evening . I got home at around midnight , and instead of going to bed I walked upstairs to my neighbor B 's apartment who was having some people over . We hung out and drank a bottle of wine . At about 1 : 00am , my neighbor suggested climbing onto the roof of one of the buildings in Richmond and I thought that was an awesome idea ; ) So we walked a fPosted by Good morning ( almost afternoon ) everyone ! I 'm sorry I didn 't post earlier - - it 's been a hectic morning at work . I actually went to two Weight Watcher meetings yesterday , which was fun . I ran into a woman from my " old " meeting ( that meets on Thursday evenings ) on Tuesday and she asked me to stop by the meeting . However , I wanted to weigh in at my earlier meeting ( that meets on Thursday morning ) , so I ended up going to two , haha . It was great coming back to my original meeting because a lot of people remembered me and commented on my weight loss ; ) Plus , Nancy the meeting leader at the later session is hilarious and she makes the meeting really fun . As a result of going to both meetings , I also got to brag about my big weight loss TWO times , haha . There is another upside to the later meeting , which I am a little embarrassed to admit , but here goes . In my morning meeting , there is a woman who has been overshadowing me EVERY SINGLE WEEK . She started a week earlier than me , but she has been losing WAY faster than me , and it seems that whenever I hit a milestone , she hits a bigger one . Case in point , this week I made it to my 30 pounds mark and she hit 40 . In response our leader , congratulated me on my loss , but then she asked the Other Woman to tell the whole group what her secret is . Not fair ! Okay , I know I 'm being silly and competitive , but seriously , this is annoying . So anyway , I was not overshadowed at the later meeting , so for all these reasons I may decide to switch ; ) FYI - - I was concerned that my weight would fluctuate a lot from the morning to the evening weigh in , which is one reason I haven 't wanted to switch back , but I weighed myself unofficially last night and it only fluctuated a pound . So it 's really not a big deal . If I do switch next week , I 'll just have to be prepared for a smaller loss / staying the same . Anyway , enough about that . Yesterday , I had a really odd / off eating day . Breakfast : Fiber 1 Bar ( 1 ) Coffee with cream ( 1 ) Lunch : Wrap ( 2 ) Chicken ( 2 ) Lettuce ( 0 ) Laughing Cow Cheese ( 3 ) Snack : Fiber 1 Bar ( 1 ) CPosted by Down 4 . 8 pounds . . . for a total of 33 . 4 pounds since I started Weight Watchers during the last week of March , yay ! I 'm so glad that I was able to come back from my 1 pound gain from last week . All I can say is , gotta love that Zumba : ) Sorry for the short post , but I have to get back to work . Happy Thursday ! I went to my Zumba class yesterday , thank goodness ! Maybe it was the fact that I skipped working out Monday and Tuesday or maybe it was the change of instructor , but the class felt WAY HARDER yesterday than last weekend . Basically , it was non - stop jumping , hip swaying , and leg lifts - - fun stuff : ) I kept looking at the clock - - which I normally don 't do in Zumba - - but I managed to get through the hour - long - workout , hurray ! I also saw some familiar faces , which was nice . It would be great to make some friends , while also getting a good workout . A girl I 've met a few times ( but can 't remember her name ) lent me a belly dancer belt , so I got to make some noise throughout the class : ) The only irritating part about the Zumba was my weak / crappy sports bra , which kept slipping out of place as I was jumping around . I may have to buy a better bra . . . does anyone know where to buy a really strong sports bra ? I got my last two at Target , so I 'm ex - ing that store out . My weigh in is this morning , and I have to admit that I was fully intending on fasting until then . But then I woke up starving so I ate a Fiber 1 Bar and then I desperately needed a cup of coffee when I got to work . So yeah , that plan failed . Hopefully , it won 't impact my weigh in too much . I 'll let you know what the verdict is when I weigh in at lunch time . Happy Thursday ! Motivation has to come from within . Yesterday , I did everything in my power to sabotage myself and not go to the gym , even though everyone told me I should go and I even promised to work out on this blog . I failed to pack my gym clothes , I decided to go grocery shopping after work , and then , after the grocery shopping , I figured it was too late to go and besides , by that point , I was ready for dinner . For some reason , I really didn 't want to go to the gym . I think it 's because I am bored with the exercise machines and there weren 't any interesting classes . I know , excuses . . . excuses . The upshot was that I managed to stay within my points and eat a very healthy and yummy tuna salad . The menu : Pan seared tuna ( roughly 5 ounces ) with 1 tsp olive oil and kosher salt ( 5 points ) Lettuce ( 0 points ) 1 / 4 cup low fat blue cheese ( 2 points ) 1 / 4 cup blackberries ( 1 point ) Lemon juice ( 0 points ) 1 tbsp low fat honey mustard dressing ( 1 point ) I ate a warmed piece of a flat bread on the side , and the meal was filling and delicious - - the blackberries really worked with the blue cheese . I also had a skinny cow ice cream sandwich for dessert : ) Overall , my day looked like : Coffee ( 1 ) Oatmeal ( 2 ) Panera 1 / 2 Roast beef sandwich with cup of black bean soup ( 10 ) Tuna Salad ( 9 ) Flat bread ( 2 ) Ice Cream Sandwich ( 2 ) Total Points Used : 26Not too shabby , but I didn 't get in many vegetables , so I 'm going to try to eat a little healthier today , although I started out with a bagel thin with peanut butter and a drizzle of honey . . . haha . . . I 'm going to eat an apple for my snack . I have to keep reminding myself that I AM NOT PERFECT and that this is a lifestyle change that is not going to happen overnight . I am going to feel proud of myself because I am eating a lot healthier and exercising a lot more since I started this journey three months ago : ) And I am ABSOLUTELY going to Zumba tonight - - I have my gym bag packed in the car . When I go to Zumba tonight , that will be the third time I have exercised this week , so that 's pretty good . Anyway , I have to get back to wPosted by After swearing off Panera just last week , I feel a little sheepish admitting that I succumbed to peer pressure and had Panera for lunch today : ) Oh well . I had a half sandwich with the black bean soup and it was pretty yummy and very filling - - just what I needed . It cost me 10 points which is pretty reasonable , particularly given that I had only used 3 points for breakfast , and I get a total of 28 points a day ( I like to save about 1 / 2 my points for dinner . ) My only regret is the salt . I know , for a fact , that Panera products are really , really full of salt , so I 've been guzzling water so that it doesn 't negatively affect my weigh in on Thursday . I should be okay , I think . . . Anyway , I just wanted to check back in - - time to get back to work . Ciao ! Despite having oatmeal and a strong cup of coffee this morning , I am feeling VERY hungry now , at 11 : 30am . Thank goodness that lunch is in a half an hour . At my last Weight Watchers meeting , we discussed hunger and strategies for dealing with it - - like eating frequent snacks , eating filling foods , and drinking lots of water . So to combat the hunger I drank 1 liter of water . Unfortunately , I am still hungry : ) Must be the real thing . I did not make it to my Body Jam class last night , as I had intended . 7 : 30pm is a very awkward time for me to work out because by that point , I 'm kind of settling down for the night , lame I know : ) But I get off work at 5 : 00pm , and I drive to work at 7 : 30 am . So by 7 : 30 pm , I like to eat dinner and do something relaxing like watch a movie or read a book - - which is the complete opposite of a Body Jam workout , haha . Besides , I was sore from Zumba two days in a row and my heels are covered in blisters from walking in the park on Sunday with high heels . ANYWAY , I am going to the gym this evening , I promise ! Because , after all , I want my weigh in this week to be a success - - hopefully I can lose back the pound that I gained last week ; ) Today , I am wearing a skirt that I haven 't worn since my Syracuse days - - a size 14 non - elastic black and white striped number , and I 'm so pleased . It feels great to be finally fitting back into some of my nice " skinny " clothes . Closet shopping is truly an awesome thing - - particularly because it 's free : ) As usual , I am trying to resist the urge to buy new clothes , but I really want a summer dress . I was thinking about stopping by a thrift shop or Ross after work to find something cheap and pretty . After all , it 's been about 90 degrees every day this week and the summer is only beginning ( haha , that 's how I 'm going to justify the purchase anyway ) . In other news , I had a slight J relapse last night - - I texted him to see if he wanted to watch a movie . I know , I know . . . BAD IDEA . He asked to postpone until tonight , and this morning I texted back to CANCEL . I would love tPosted by Instant oatmeal has become one of my work breakfast staples . I can throw a package ( or two ) in my purse before going to work , and I have a healthy , filling , low point breakfast . Plus , I can bring some fruit to mix in with it . Last week , I added sliced mango , and it was DELICIOUS - - kind of like a low - cal version of Sticky Rice with Mango . I also add bananas and berries to it - - depending on my mood and what I have in the fridge . This morning , I had the oatmeal plain because I have not had a chance to go grocery shopping and I am OUT OF FRUIT . I definitely have to get to the store after work . I had an awesome weekend . I went to Zumba on both Saturday and Sunday morning , and I can definitely feel it in my legs this morning . My date went really well on Saturday afternoon , and the guy e - mailed me yesterday to let me know what a great time he had , which was pretty nice : ) I think we may go out again next weekend , so I 'll keep you updated . And I hung out with friends on Saturday night until around 12 : 30 am when I got exhausted and went home to bed . So , all in all , a pretty busy and fun weekend , but I did not get a chance to clean my apartment or go grocery shopping , so I 'll have to catch up with that this week . Food wise , I tried to stay OP all weekend , although I did have to use 6 weeklies on Saturday because I had two beers and indulged in a high point Italian lunch . But I feel pretty okay with that , because I made it to Zumba . Anyway , Monday came way to quickly and now I have to catch up with work . The weekend is officially over , oh well . Hope everyone has , at least , an okay Monday . Good morning everyone . I woke up this morning and snuggled with my cats Leo and Fanny . The weekends are nice because I can spend my mornings relaxing as opposed to rushing to get ready for work . But today is going to be a busy day . I had wheat toast with laughing cow cheese and grapes ( on the side ) for breakfast , a total of 7 points , which is a bit high for breakfast . However , I am going to my Zumba class at 11 : 30am and I wanted to have a hearty breakfast . After Zumba , I am going on a lunch date and then I am meeting a friend for an ice cream cone . It 's sometimes difficult to stay OP when so many social activities revolve around bad food . But life is all about balance , so I 'm just going to try to make smart choices while also having a good time . Maybe there is a frozen yogurt option at Dairy Queen ? Anyway , happy Saturday ! Losing weight means giving up a lot of things . It means giving up eating ice cream with hot fudge every night for dessert . It means not ordering an entire large pizza and eating 3 / 4 of it . And it also , at least temporarily , means not buying new clothes , because YOU WILL grow out of them . This , for me , is always the hardest blow because as my body begins to improve and I can actually see my waist - - yay - - I want to run to the nearest clothing store and try on EVERYTHING . But I can 't , because I know that the weight loss journey is not even close to over , and I don 't want to waste my very limited money . I have reached a frustrating place in my weight loss journey where my " normal " clothes are too big and my " skinny " clothes are too tight . The good news is that coworkers , friends , and even strangers are taking pity on me and giving me cast - off clothes . My neighbor downstairs , Brandy , gave me a cute , stretchy brown skirt , my coworker Harriett gave me a huge bag of work clothes , and a complete stranger Kristen ( who writes the blog Conversations With My Inner Skinny Chick ) is actually sending me a pair of jeans that she has grown out of . In the spirit of the movie Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants , I will wear the " magic " jeans , and then send them to another girl on Weight Watchers when I grow out of them . I think this is a fantastic idea and I can 't wait until I get the jeans because as of now I have only 2 pairs that fit - - even though I have about 10 pairs of jeans in my closet : ) On another note , I made it to the gym last night and sweated through 37 minutes on the elliptical machine . It felt good to exercise but I have to admit the elliptical is getting a little boring and repetitive . Plus , my knee starts hurting after a while because of my hyperextension . I really need to buy a knee brace . Does anybody have any workout suggestions ? I really liked Zumba and I 'm going to take another class on Saturday morning . After the gym , I got home and made a huge grilled chicken salad with carrots , lettuce , onions , black beans , and hoPosted by A gain of one pound . Which is MUCH , MUCH better than a gain of 5 . 7 pounds . Whew . . . When I stepped into the meeting today , the receptionist rushed over and gave me a big hug ( I guess I must have made an impression yesterday , haha ) . Then the WW Leader came over and asked me to explain what was going on . I told her about the hormones and overeating , and she encouraged me to move on and start the new week on a positive note . The good news is that because I lost 4 pounds last week and gained 1 pound this week , I still lost a total of 3 pounds in the last 2 weeks , which is pretty good . Anyway , I have to get back to work , but I wanted to give you guys the update . I made it to Zumba last night , and unfortunately I didn 't manage to take any pictures . I was too busy trying to keep up with the steps . Despite my lack of coordination , Zumba was actually fun and it definitely was a good workout . It also improved my mood , substantially - - it 's pretty hard to feel like a failure after you 've sweated through an hour long aerobics class : ) My gym only offers Zumba once a week ( Wednesday evenings ) but there is a gym in the Fan area of Richmond that offers the class on Saturday mornings , so I think I 'm going to try to go to that class as well . I 'm trying to develop an exercise routine that I like so that I can stick with it . I 've grown a little bored of the elliptical , so maybe trying some classes would be a good idea ? There 's also a class called Body Pump , which I might decide to take , but the name freaks me out . It makes me think of body builders , which I most certainly don 't want to become . However , I met a girl named Tanya in my Zumba class and she said it was a fun workout , so maybe I 'll give it a try . The class meets on Monday evenings . Balancing exercising and eating right is not always so simple . Sometimes , I get a bit lazy and think that if I just restrict my calories the pounds will fall off . After all , you lose weight when you consume less calories than you burn . But it 's hard for me to keep motivated to eat well when I don 't exercise . So I need to fight the urge to be lazy , and exercise more regularly which will ( a ) help me eat better , ( b ) help me lose weight , and ( c ) tone my body . I 'm thinking that 4 times a week is a good goal , so if I go to Zumba twice a week , and Body Pump once a week , and then hit the machines ( elliptical , treadmill , bike ) once a week , I 'll get in pretty good shape . I 've never developed an exercise plan like this , but this one seems pretty reasonable . On other news , I weigh in officially today and I sincerely hope that I have not gained a true 5 . 7 pounds . But if I did , I 'll just move on and get back on the program . I 've talked to everyone about my weight Posted by After a VERY off - plan beginning of the week , I am determined to get back on track today . How , you may ask ? By eating a mango of course : ) In all due seriousness , I am going to try to eat more fresh fruits and vegetables and drink lots of WATER today . And I am going to Zumba , no matter what ! ! Since I began WW at the end of March , my diet has gone very smoothly , with good losses each week , but this week I hit a problem - - PMS and boy issues . Not a pretty combination , let me tell you . I spent the last few days eating the entire contents of my refrigerator , crying my eyes out , avoiding my neighbors , reading spy novels , and watching Gilmore Girls . I was craving McDonalds french fries and chicken nuggets , but I really didn 't want to run into anyone I knew . So I stayed home and ate gross / boring combinations of food : Special K out of the box , pasta with butter , bread with peanut butter , and asparagus ( just because I really like roasted asparagus with olive oil ) . Today I weighed in a day early , with heavier clothes , and on Day 2 of my period because I HATE myself . Despite my bad eating , I was shocked that the scale said I had gained 5 . 7 pounds ! ! ! How can that be possible after only eating badly for 3 days ? I burst into tears and the kind Weight Watchers receptionist offered to post No Weigh In and let me continue next week . She said , " You 're not a true Weight Watcher member until you 've cried on the scale at least once . " But I practically ran out of the Weight Watchers office . I was too ashamed to attend the meeting , which I know is completely counterproductive . However , I will return tomorrow in my standard Weight Watcher outfit , a skimpy sundress , and record the truth . I don 't think that I actually gained 5 . 7 whole pounds - - that would mean I ate over 10 , 000 extra calories which I don 't think I did in less than 3 days . I probably gained a few pounds , which is a major drag because I am trying to lose so much weight . On the other hand , this is a lifestyle , not a diet . And I have to love myself enough to keep plugging along desPosted by Beth , from Beth 's Journey to Thin ( bethsjourney . com ) inspired me to try a baked sweet potato with black beans ( not the most typical combination ) and it was delicious . I added some low fat sour cream to make it a little less dry , and it was so yummy , filling , healthy , easy , and CHEAP . Honestly , it beats a Panera sandwich , hands down ( my old crutch food ) . Posted by Katie 's Way to Healthy is a blog about a 24 - year - old girl who is trying to lose a great amount of weight , just about 90 pounds , and and who is trying to learn how to live a happy , healthy , productive life . I have been overweight since middle school ( and I was chubby even as a child ) and I am determined to get to a healthy weight the right way , by slowly changing my diet to incorporate more fruits , vegetables , whole grains , lean proteins and to become more active . Throughout my adolescence , everyone told me how pretty I was , but the implication was that I would be so much more attractive if I were thinner . Instead of being inspired to lose the weight , I ate more and more . I used to hide cracker boxes and empty yogurt containers in my room , because I thought no one would notice if the food just magically disappeared . ( They noticed , believe me . ) One of my favorite sayings is , what you eat in private shows in public . It 's taken me a while to realize that is true - - I still sometimes struggle with hiding my binges and pretending that they just didn 't happen . A year and a half ago , I somewhat successfully lost about 35 pounds by exercising 4 - 5 times per week and eating healthy , but as soon as I stopped exercising the weight came back on ( plus some ) . This time , I am using the Weight Watcher program to keep me accountable and help me stick with the program , because , let 's face it I 'm not going to lose 100 pounds in three months . This isn 't the Biggest Loser . I started Weight Watchers on March 25th 2010 and so far I have lost 29 . 6 pounds , which certainly makes me feel better even though I am not yet even close to my goal weight . In order to lose the weight , I 've tracked my points ( I get 28 per day ) and I have exercised 3 - 4 times per week . Now that I have lost some weight , I would like to bump my exercise up to 4 - 5 times per week . This blog will serve as a way for me to stay committed to my overall goals , track my progress , experiment with new recipes and activities and hopefully serve as an inspiration for people in similarPosted by First off , let 's talk business . I went to my weigh in this afternoon , and I gained a pound . I am officially 176 . 8 pounds on the Weight W . . . Let me preface this post by saying , I don 't handle criticism very well . Nor do I take advice . Ever . Sorry , if you 're disappointed . I . . . Hello again . It 's been more than two years and I 'm just now getting back to my blog . How I 've missed it ! I forgot how wonderful . . .
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I just tracked all my points , and depending on how I calculate my two margaritas from last night , I have used more than my 35 weekly points . The WW tracker says that a margarita is 5 points ( for 4 ounces ) and I 'm pretty sure my drinks were 8 ounces , so that would mean 20 points for the two drinks , ugh . . . That puts me 9 POINTS in the hole . Probably not enough to gain weight . But certainly enough to keep me from having a good loss . I will go to Zumba tonight to try to limit the damage . And I will have an OP ( on - plan ) day today because I have no social activities planned . Yesterday , was a pretty blah day , overall . I was hungover and sleep deprived all day which made me unproducive at work and made me lock my keys inside my car when I went to run errands , which cost me an hour and a half and forty bucks . . . boo . After all that , I had zero desire to go to the gym : ( My date with A went well though . He brought me flowers : ) and took me to a cool restaurant in Richmond ( hence the therapeutic margaritas ) . We had fun , but I called it an early night so that I could attempt to make up on some sleep . I got about 6 . 5 hours last night and I feel marginally better , although my body is really craving more sleep . Anyway , today is a new day . I 'm not sure why I feel quite so grumpy . I think my body really needs a good workout and some fruits and vegetables . I 'm feeling a little bloated and gross from so much alcohol . I want to preface this by saying WW is a lifestyle not a diet . . . Last night , I had a plan . I intended to clean my apartment , go to my dance class , cook a healthy dinner , watch a movie , and go to bed early . So , I got home spent an hour and a half cleaning , got dressed in my workout clothes , drove to my gym and discovered the class was cancelled . . . ugh . . . And I forgot my iPod so I didn 't stay to work out ( lame , I know ) . Then , when I was walking to my apartment , I ran into some boys next door who invited me over for a drink . One drink turned into five and PIZZA at 1 am . I only had about 2 / 3 of a slice , but still . . . So my original plan failed , but I definitely had a fun night . . . I am a little annoyed with myself because I have a feeling this will show up on the scale , although I had enough weeklies to cover the damage . However , WW is a lifestyle , not a diet . . . Right now , I am feeling pretty sleep deprived and hungover , yuck . Going to bed at 1 : 30am and waking up at 6am is not pretty . Especially when you sleep with your contacts on . And then this morning , I spent about 20 minutes searching for my cell phone , which I found wrapped up in my covers . However , today is a new day and a chance to get back on track . I ate my typical breakfast ( bagel thin with peanut butter and honey ) and I have been guzzling water . I plan on having Subway for lunch , so that should be pretty good for points . I 'm going out with A again tonight : ) and he 's taking me to this cool bar / restaurant , and I 'm NOT GOING to drink very much ( max two drinks ) and I WILL stay within my points . I 'm hoping that I can still have a good weigh in this week , but at this point I 'm not feeling all that optimistic . Happy Monday everyone ! I 'm sorry I failed to post this weekend , but what with traveling to my parent 's house to help with their construction project , going on two dates , and going to my Zumba class I did not have much time to post ; ) All in all , it was a good , active weekend . I struggled with tracking my meals but I think I managed to eat pretty well and stay ( mostly ) within my points . On Friday , I went out with a new guy , A , and we had a great time . He took me to this nice Greek restaurant near Carytown and I splurged for the evening . We started out with red wine , then we got Greek salads and stuffed grape leaves . I ordered a pork tenderloin kabob for my main dish and it was very yummy and then we split a piece of baklava for dessert . And then we walked around Carytown and got ICE CREAM CONES - - my favorite dessert in the whole world . Overall , I tried to enjoy my indulgence in moderation - - I only hate half of my entree , only had a few forkfulls of baklava , and only had about half of my gigantic ice cream cone . Now , for me that is a major NSV ( Non - scale victory ) because I have never in my life thrown away left over ice cream . However , on Friday night as I was licking my cone , it hit me that I was actually pretty full , so I threw it away . When I counted my points , I estimated about 16 points for the whole dinner , so I had to break into some of my weeklies . But the date was fun and it 's nice to splurge once in a while ; ) On Saturday , I drove to my parent 's house outside of DC ( early ) to help put up drywall in the new addition , as my Father 's Day gift for my dad . Basically , my dad has tackled a huge project to enlarge my parent 's bedroom and bathroom and he needs all the help he can get ( since he also works a full time job ) . So , my entire family pitched in yesterday to help with the gigantic job of putting up the drywall . I basically did whatever I was asked to do - - from carrying huge pieces of drywall from the driveway to the house , hammering staples , covering the insulation with plastic , etc . . . It was pretty hard work , aPosted by Yesterday I pretty much failed at being healthy . . . but I had a good time : ) Breakfast : Coffee ( 1 ) Fiber 1 Bar ( 1 ) Lunch : Wrap ( 1 ) Grilled Chicken ( 4 ) Laughing Cow Cheese ( 2 ) Snack : Fiber 1 Bar ( 1 ) Dinner : 1 Long Island Iced Tea ( 8 , just guessing ) 1 Beer ( 3 ) Total points : 21But I did not go over my points , so I guess that 's good . . . maybe . . . At the moment , I am actually feeling slighly headachy and hungover despite only drinking 2 drinks ( although that Long Island was VERY strong ) . Not surprisingly , I got a little bit drunk last night , and I had a good time on my date with a JM - - a different guy from J . We went to Carytown and got drinks at this cool place called New York Deli - - where they make awesome drinks . And then we walked around Carytown and hung out outside . It was very nice ; ) The nice thing about Richmond is that it 's a very low key city - - you can almost always find free parking , you can find cheap yummy restaurants , and the people you meet tend to be pretty friendly and easy going . Plus , the housing is really cheap , so I can afford to live there : ) Anyway , I started my day out with a bagel thin with peanut butter and honey - - I was hungry from last night . I brought a sweet potato , black beans , and sour cream so that will be my lunch , yum ! And then I 'm going to the gym after work . No class today , but I want to get in some quality time on the elliptical . In other news , I am now fitting comfortably in one of my pairs of " skinny jeans , " so I 'm really pleased about that : ) Happy Friday everyone ! Down 1 . 6Which is a little disappointing , if you want to know the truth . After working out 5 days this week , eating within my points , and using hardly any of my weekly points , I had one of my lowest losses so far . There are a million reasons to explain the small loss - - my big loss last week wasn 't quite real , the amount of kosher salt I consumed last night , the intense heat , hormones , building muscle , etc . . . And none of those reasons matter one bit ( in the long run ) . A good week is a good week , and if I have more like it I will reach my goal . So with that said , I am going to ignore the number on the scale . I enjoyed getting more exercise this week and , after all , I 'm doing this to become a " healthy " person not necessarily a Size 6 . Good morning everyone and happy Thursday ! It 's amazing how well my day turned out after my disaster of a morning . My boss was really understanding and let me miss a few hours of work without using leave , I enjoyed my Zumba class and felt energized and refreshed ( taking a day off is sometimes a great idea ) , the gas was turned back on , and I cooked an amazing salad for dinner that was super easy and tasted like summer . I basically got home from the gym feeling absolutely starving so I took out a baking sheet and put some asparagus , 1 / 2 sliced red pepper , and slices of tomato on it . I sprinkled the whole lot with some kosher salt and tossed it with 2 tsp of olive oil . Then I baked it for about 20 minutes . In the meantime , I chopped up half a huge chicken breast into bite sized chunks , marinaded it with some honey mustard dressing , and then tossed it onto a non - stick frying pan on medium heat . Then put some romaine lettuce in my salad bowl and added some sliced onion and 1 / 4 cup black beans . At the end , I basically tossed everything in the salad and added 1 tbsp of honey mustard dressing and it was DELICIOUS . I also ate a warmed piece of flat bread with it . The points broke down like this : Baked veggies with olive oil ( 2 . 5 ) Honey mustard dressing ( 2 ) Chicken ( 4 ) 1 / 4 cup black beans ( 1 ) Flat bread ( 1 ) Total points : 10 . 5 Not too shabby for an absolutely delicious and huge salad . Plus , I tend to overestimate my points slightly , and I count the dressing used for the marinade . And I typically don 't weigh my chicken so I have to eyeball it . However , it gave me 3 servings of vegetables , two servings of lean protein , and two servings of healthy oil - - so overall it was a very healthy and nutritious meal . Anyway , this morning is weigh in so I will let you know what the verdict is . Honestly , this week , I am not too concerned with the number on the scale because I ate within my points and tried to get in a lot of healthy food and I worked out 5 times . So I know that I had a good week , no matter what the scale says : ) Sometimes I feel like I am juggling so many different aspects of my life . I see my various responsibilites as glass snow globes ( don 't ask me why that image comes to mind ) and , well , yesterday I dropped one of the snow globes . And the pieces of glass shattered throughout my house . More specifically , I " forgot " to pay a utlities bill ( I was hoping no one would notice ) and the utilities company turned my gas off . I cannot describe the feeling of panic when you walk into your home and realize that something feels different - - oh wait , the stove won 't turn on . So anyway , I had to pay the bill which involved driving to the office this morning and means that I have to be home between 12 - 4 . I have learned my lesson the hard way - - always pay your utilites bills . Oh and I stepped in cat poop this morning , and I 'm not sure if I can ( or want to ) describe that particular sensation either . Anyway , enough about that . The good news is that the bill is paid , I will have gas this afternoon , and I will try to be a financially responsible adult from now on : ) So anyway , yesterday I took a day off from the gym and I ate a very light point day ( I think I was punishing myself ) so I only ate 17 . 5 points . I also went out with R last night - - and ironically he asked me to pay for the two of us ( when HE invited me ) . I hate to be bitchy , but seriously even my 16 - year - old brother , who doesn 't have much money , would pay for a girl on a third date - - particularly if he asked her out . And yet somehow R didn 't . I have to admit it was particularly bad timing . And I 'm sorry to say that R 's decision makes it that much easier for me to cut things off with him . Oh well . Lot 's more fish in the sea - - although I 'm beginning to doubt that . As for today , I will be leaving work early , but I am DEFINITELY going to my Zumba class tonight - - exercise always makes me feel better . And my netflix dvds are supposed to come today , which is good . So , I 'm planning on going home , going to Zumba , and then watching a dvd while eating a yummy dinner . Hopefully , my day will go a littPosted by I made it to Body Jam last night , and I 'm so glad that I gave it a try . Body Jam is somewhat like Zumba ( similar moves with lots of hip rolling ) but it is a dance routine . You learn each step and then combine the steps , so unlike Zumba you don 't start over with each new song , rather you keep doing the same moves throughout the hour . Since the rest of the class has been doing the same routine for the past month , I was definitely not as strong a dancer . But I gave it my all and got in a good workout . I managed to follow about 80 % of the steps - - so not bad for a first timer : ) The instructor was awesome and he was such a good dancer that I was able to pick up the steps pretty well . I 'm definitely going to make Body Jam a part of my workout routine . So far , I have managed to work out 4 times this week and it 's only Tuesday ! So I am pretty happy about that . Today , I am going to give my legs a rest , and tomorrow is my Zumba class , so that will make 5 times : ) On the downside , all of this exercise has definitely made me hungrier , so I 've had to work hard to stay within my points . So far so good . Anyway , tonight the guy R invited me to this show / concert thing and I 'm a little anxious about going because ( a ) it 's going to be very late on a weeknight , ( b ) I really don 't want to drink very much alcohol so close to weigh in , and last but not least , ( c ) I 'm not sure how much I like R . Anyway , I don 't really want to go , but now I feel obligated so I guess I 'm stuck with the plans ( I tried to get out of it last night , but he convinced me to say yes ) . Anyway , I have to get back to work . Wish me luck on this date tonight : ) After my eventful weekend , I really didn 't want to get out of bed this morning ! Only the thought of hot coffee and a bagel with peanut butter and honey compelled me to get up . I guess food is always the great motivator : ) Lately , I have been eating up all my points very easily , so I 've been thinking about ways to economize . Before people yell at me that eating all one 's points is a GOOD THING , please let me explain . When I first started WW with 31 points , I didn 't have to worry about blowing a few points on stupid things - - like extra dressing or a few crackers . But now that I only have 27 , it seems like I sometimes don 't have enough points in the day for everything I want to eat . HAHA . . . it 's starting to hit me that I actually can 't eat everything I want and maintain a healthy weight . Nevertheless , I 'm looking for smarter ways to eat so that I can eat more . So I have decided to stop eating so much peanut butter and limit myself to one cup of coffee with cream each day . That way , I can make room for more substantial meals . . . and let 's not forget the occasional ice cream sandwich . Okay , enough about that . In other news , I am very pleased with myself because I exercised on Friday , Saturday and Sunday . I planned on using today as a rest day , but my muscles don 't feel that bad , so I might try to make it to my Body Jam class tonight . I also have a second date with the guy R tonight - - he wants to walk around Carytown after he gets off work at around 9 : 30pm . I 'm a bit hesitant about staying out so late - - I have work tomorrow after all - - but it might be fun , so we 'll see . Anyway , I 'm sorry for the disjointed post , and I 'll let you know how Body Jam / the date goes tomorrow ! Happy Sunday everyone ! It looks like it 's going to be a beautiful day in Richmond . I 'm sorry for failing to post yesterday - - I don 't have much of an excuse except that after my Zumba class ( 11 : 30am - 12 : 30am ) I spent a good deal of the day / night sleeping . I guess I was exhausted from Friday night ; ) Friday night started out with me going to the gym . I tried the Spin Class , but it was a dismal failure . Here 's what happened . . . I got there five minutes late because of work , and the class had already started . However , I summoned my courage and walked into the class where dozens of INCREDIBLY FIT people were pumping on their bikes . So I walked to a bike and tried to get me feet into the pedals , but they wouldn 't go in ( Spin classes use very complicated bikes ) . Then I realized I had to adjust the seat , but there were several levers and the room was pretty dark . So after disrupting the class for about 5 minutes , I decided to leave . I will have to try another spin class - - one that meets at a more convenient time . Anyway , after trying the class , I returned to my old standby , the elliptical and got in a good workout , 37 minutes , 2 . 75 miles , and 375 calories burned ( but I 'm always slightly skeptical ) . After the class , I rushed home to shower , eat , and dress before my date at 8pm . The date went really well . The guy ( who turns out to be 21 years old ) picked me up and we went to a movie , and then we went to a Hookah bar afterward . It was really fun - - the only downside was that he is just my height and super skinny . I felt so much bigger than him that I felt a little uncomfortable . However , he didn 't seem to mind and he was really nice ; ) We have plans to go to Belle Island for a picnic on Monday evening . I got home at around midnight , and instead of going to bed I walked upstairs to my neighbor B 's apartment who was having some people over . We hung out and drank a bottle of wine . At about 1 : 00am , my neighbor suggested climbing onto the roof of one of the buildings in Richmond and I thought that was an awesome idea ; ) So we walked a fPosted by Good morning ( almost afternoon ) everyone ! I 'm sorry I didn 't post earlier - - it 's been a hectic morning at work . I actually went to two Weight Watcher meetings yesterday , which was fun . I ran into a woman from my " old " meeting ( that meets on Thursday evenings ) on Tuesday and she asked me to stop by the meeting . However , I wanted to weigh in at my earlier meeting ( that meets on Thursday morning ) , so I ended up going to two , haha . It was great coming back to my original meeting because a lot of people remembered me and commented on my weight loss ; ) Plus , Nancy the meeting leader at the later session is hilarious and she makes the meeting really fun . As a result of going to both meetings , I also got to brag about my big weight loss TWO times , haha . There is another upside to the later meeting , which I am a little embarrassed to admit , but here goes . In my morning meeting , there is a woman who has been overshadowing me EVERY SINGLE WEEK . She started a week earlier than me , but she has been losing WAY faster than me , and it seems that whenever I hit a milestone , she hits a bigger one . Case in point , this week I made it to my 30 pounds mark and she hit 40 . In response our leader , congratulated me on my loss , but then she asked the Other Woman to tell the whole group what her secret is . Not fair ! Okay , I know I 'm being silly and competitive , but seriously , this is annoying . So anyway , I was not overshadowed at the later meeting , so for all these reasons I may decide to switch ; ) FYI - - I was concerned that my weight would fluctuate a lot from the morning to the evening weigh in , which is one reason I haven 't wanted to switch back , but I weighed myself unofficially last night and it only fluctuated a pound . So it 's really not a big deal . If I do switch next week , I 'll just have to be prepared for a smaller loss / staying the same . Anyway , enough about that . Yesterday , I had a really odd / off eating day . Breakfast : Fiber 1 Bar ( 1 ) Coffee with cream ( 1 ) Lunch : Wrap ( 2 ) Chicken ( 2 ) Lettuce ( 0 ) Laughing Cow Cheese ( 3 ) Snack : Fiber 1 Bar ( 1 ) CPosted by Down 4 . 8 pounds . . . for a total of 33 . 4 pounds since I started Weight Watchers during the last week of March , yay ! I 'm so glad that I was able to come back from my 1 pound gain from last week . All I can say is , gotta love that Zumba : ) Sorry for the short post , but I have to get back to work . Happy Thursday ! I went to my Zumba class yesterday , thank goodness ! Maybe it was the fact that I skipped working out Monday and Tuesday or maybe it was the change of instructor , but the class felt WAY HARDER yesterday than last weekend . Basically , it was non - stop jumping , hip swaying , and leg lifts - - fun stuff : ) I kept looking at the clock - - which I normally don 't do in Zumba - - but I managed to get through the hour - long - workout , hurray ! I also saw some familiar faces , which was nice . It would be great to make some friends , while also getting a good workout . A girl I 've met a few times ( but can 't remember her name ) lent me a belly dancer belt , so I got to make some noise throughout the class : ) The only irritating part about the Zumba was my weak / crappy sports bra , which kept slipping out of place as I was jumping around . I may have to buy a better bra . . . does anyone know where to buy a really strong sports bra ? I got my last two at Target , so I 'm ex - ing that store out . My weigh in is this morning , and I have to admit that I was fully intending on fasting until then . But then I woke up starving so I ate a Fiber 1 Bar and then I desperately needed a cup of coffee when I got to work . So yeah , that plan failed . Hopefully , it won 't impact my weigh in too much . I 'll let you know what the verdict is when I weigh in at lunch time . Happy Thursday ! Motivation has to come from within . Yesterday , I did everything in my power to sabotage myself and not go to the gym , even though everyone told me I should go and I even promised to work out on this blog . I failed to pack my gym clothes , I decided to go grocery shopping after work , and then , after the grocery shopping , I figured it was too late to go and besides , by that point , I was ready for dinner . For some reason , I really didn 't want to go to the gym . I think it 's because I am bored with the exercise machines and there weren 't any interesting classes . I know , excuses . . . excuses . The upshot was that I managed to stay within my points and eat a very healthy and yummy tuna salad . The menu : Pan seared tuna ( roughly 5 ounces ) with 1 tsp olive oil and kosher salt ( 5 points ) Lettuce ( 0 points ) 1 / 4 cup low fat blue cheese ( 2 points ) 1 / 4 cup blackberries ( 1 point ) Lemon juice ( 0 points ) 1 tbsp low fat honey mustard dressing ( 1 point ) I ate a warmed piece of a flat bread on the side , and the meal was filling and delicious - - the blackberries really worked with the blue cheese . I also had a skinny cow ice cream sandwich for dessert : ) Overall , my day looked like : Coffee ( 1 ) Oatmeal ( 2 ) Panera 1 / 2 Roast beef sandwich with cup of black bean soup ( 10 ) Tuna Salad ( 9 ) Flat bread ( 2 ) Ice Cream Sandwich ( 2 ) Total Points Used : 26Not too shabby , but I didn 't get in many vegetables , so I 'm going to try to eat a little healthier today , although I started out with a bagel thin with peanut butter and a drizzle of honey . . . haha . . . I 'm going to eat an apple for my snack . I have to keep reminding myself that I AM NOT PERFECT and that this is a lifestyle change that is not going to happen overnight . I am going to feel proud of myself because I am eating a lot healthier and exercising a lot more since I started this journey three months ago : ) And I am ABSOLUTELY going to Zumba tonight - - I have my gym bag packed in the car . When I go to Zumba tonight , that will be the third time I have exercised this week , so that 's pretty good . Anyway , I have to get back to wPosted by After swearing off Panera just last week , I feel a little sheepish admitting that I succumbed to peer pressure and had Panera for lunch today : ) Oh well . I had a half sandwich with the black bean soup and it was pretty yummy and very filling - - just what I needed . It cost me 10 points which is pretty reasonable , particularly given that I had only used 3 points for breakfast , and I get a total of 28 points a day ( I like to save about 1 / 2 my points for dinner . ) My only regret is the salt . I know , for a fact , that Panera products are really , really full of salt , so I 've been guzzling water so that it doesn 't negatively affect my weigh in on Thursday . I should be okay , I think . . . Anyway , I just wanted to check back in - - time to get back to work . Ciao ! Despite having oatmeal and a strong cup of coffee this morning , I am feeling VERY hungry now , at 11 : 30am . Thank goodness that lunch is in a half an hour . At my last Weight Watchers meeting , we discussed hunger and strategies for dealing with it - - like eating frequent snacks , eating filling foods , and drinking lots of water . So to combat the hunger I drank 1 liter of water . Unfortunately , I am still hungry : ) Must be the real thing . I did not make it to my Body Jam class last night , as I had intended . 7 : 30pm is a very awkward time for me to work out because by that point , I 'm kind of settling down for the night , lame I know : ) But I get off work at 5 : 00pm , and I drive to work at 7 : 30 am . So by 7 : 30 pm , I like to eat dinner and do something relaxing like watch a movie or read a book - - which is the complete opposite of a Body Jam workout , haha . Besides , I was sore from Zumba two days in a row and my heels are covered in blisters from walking in the park on Sunday with high heels . ANYWAY , I am going to the gym this evening , I promise ! Because , after all , I want my weigh in this week to be a success - - hopefully I can lose back the pound that I gained last week ; ) Today , I am wearing a skirt that I haven 't worn since my Syracuse days - - a size 14 non - elastic black and white striped number , and I 'm so pleased . It feels great to be finally fitting back into some of my nice " skinny " clothes . Closet shopping is truly an awesome thing - - particularly because it 's free : ) As usual , I am trying to resist the urge to buy new clothes , but I really want a summer dress . I was thinking about stopping by a thrift shop or Ross after work to find something cheap and pretty . After all , it 's been about 90 degrees every day this week and the summer is only beginning ( haha , that 's how I 'm going to justify the purchase anyway ) . In other news , I had a slight J relapse last night - - I texted him to see if he wanted to watch a movie . I know , I know . . . BAD IDEA . He asked to postpone until tonight , and this morning I texted back to CANCEL . I would love tPosted by Instant oatmeal has become one of my work breakfast staples . I can throw a package ( or two ) in my purse before going to work , and I have a healthy , filling , low point breakfast . Plus , I can bring some fruit to mix in with it . Last week , I added sliced mango , and it was DELICIOUS - - kind of like a low - cal version of Sticky Rice with Mango . I also add bananas and berries to it - - depending on my mood and what I have in the fridge . This morning , I had the oatmeal plain because I have not had a chance to go grocery shopping and I am OUT OF FRUIT . I definitely have to get to the store after work . I had an awesome weekend . I went to Zumba on both Saturday and Sunday morning , and I can definitely feel it in my legs this morning . My date went really well on Saturday afternoon , and the guy e - mailed me yesterday to let me know what a great time he had , which was pretty nice : ) I think we may go out again next weekend , so I 'll keep you updated . And I hung out with friends on Saturday night until around 12 : 30 am when I got exhausted and went home to bed . So , all in all , a pretty busy and fun weekend , but I did not get a chance to clean my apartment or go grocery shopping , so I 'll have to catch up with that this week . Food wise , I tried to stay OP all weekend , although I did have to use 6 weeklies on Saturday because I had two beers and indulged in a high point Italian lunch . But I feel pretty okay with that , because I made it to Zumba . Anyway , Monday came way to quickly and now I have to catch up with work . The weekend is officially over , oh well . Hope everyone has , at least , an okay Monday . Good morning everyone . I woke up this morning and snuggled with my cats Leo and Fanny . The weekends are nice because I can spend my mornings relaxing as opposed to rushing to get ready for work . But today is going to be a busy day . I had wheat toast with laughing cow cheese and grapes ( on the side ) for breakfast , a total of 7 points , which is a bit high for breakfast . However , I am going to my Zumba class at 11 : 30am and I wanted to have a hearty breakfast . After Zumba , I am going on a lunch date and then I am meeting a friend for an ice cream cone . It 's sometimes difficult to stay OP when so many social activities revolve around bad food . But life is all about balance , so I 'm just going to try to make smart choices while also having a good time . Maybe there is a frozen yogurt option at Dairy Queen ? Anyway , happy Saturday ! Losing weight means giving up a lot of things . It means giving up eating ice cream with hot fudge every night for dessert . It means not ordering an entire large pizza and eating 3 / 4 of it . And it also , at least temporarily , means not buying new clothes , because YOU WILL grow out of them . This , for me , is always the hardest blow because as my body begins to improve and I can actually see my waist - - yay - - I want to run to the nearest clothing store and try on EVERYTHING . But I can 't , because I know that the weight loss journey is not even close to over , and I don 't want to waste my very limited money . I have reached a frustrating place in my weight loss journey where my " normal " clothes are too big and my " skinny " clothes are too tight . The good news is that coworkers , friends , and even strangers are taking pity on me and giving me cast - off clothes . My neighbor downstairs , Brandy , gave me a cute , stretchy brown skirt , my coworker Harriett gave me a huge bag of work clothes , and a complete stranger Kristen ( who writes the blog Conversations With My Inner Skinny Chick ) is actually sending me a pair of jeans that she has grown out of . In the spirit of the movie Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants , I will wear the " magic " jeans , and then send them to another girl on Weight Watchers when I grow out of them . I think this is a fantastic idea and I can 't wait until I get the jeans because as of now I have only 2 pairs that fit - - even though I have about 10 pairs of jeans in my closet : ) On another note , I made it to the gym last night and sweated through 37 minutes on the elliptical machine . It felt good to exercise but I have to admit the elliptical is getting a little boring and repetitive . Plus , my knee starts hurting after a while because of my hyperextension . I really need to buy a knee brace . Does anybody have any workout suggestions ? I really liked Zumba and I 'm going to take another class on Saturday morning . After the gym , I got home and made a huge grilled chicken salad with carrots , lettuce , onions , black beans , and hoPosted by A gain of one pound . Which is MUCH , MUCH better than a gain of 5 . 7 pounds . Whew . . . When I stepped into the meeting today , the receptionist rushed over and gave me a big hug ( I guess I must have made an impression yesterday , haha ) . Then the WW Leader came over and asked me to explain what was going on . I told her about the hormones and overeating , and she encouraged me to move on and start the new week on a positive note . The good news is that because I lost 4 pounds last week and gained 1 pound this week , I still lost a total of 3 pounds in the last 2 weeks , which is pretty good . Anyway , I have to get back to work , but I wanted to give you guys the update . I made it to Zumba last night , and unfortunately I didn 't manage to take any pictures . I was too busy trying to keep up with the steps . Despite my lack of coordination , Zumba was actually fun and it definitely was a good workout . It also improved my mood , substantially - - it 's pretty hard to feel like a failure after you 've sweated through an hour long aerobics class : ) My gym only offers Zumba once a week ( Wednesday evenings ) but there is a gym in the Fan area of Richmond that offers the class on Saturday mornings , so I think I 'm going to try to go to that class as well . I 'm trying to develop an exercise routine that I like so that I can stick with it . I 've grown a little bored of the elliptical , so maybe trying some classes would be a good idea ? There 's also a class called Body Pump , which I might decide to take , but the name freaks me out . It makes me think of body builders , which I most certainly don 't want to become . However , I met a girl named Tanya in my Zumba class and she said it was a fun workout , so maybe I 'll give it a try . The class meets on Monday evenings . Balancing exercising and eating right is not always so simple . Sometimes , I get a bit lazy and think that if I just restrict my calories the pounds will fall off . After all , you lose weight when you consume less calories than you burn . But it 's hard for me to keep motivated to eat well when I don 't exercise . So I need to fight the urge to be lazy , and exercise more regularly which will ( a ) help me eat better , ( b ) help me lose weight , and ( c ) tone my body . I 'm thinking that 4 times a week is a good goal , so if I go to Zumba twice a week , and Body Pump once a week , and then hit the machines ( elliptical , treadmill , bike ) once a week , I 'll get in pretty good shape . I 've never developed an exercise plan like this , but this one seems pretty reasonable . On other news , I weigh in officially today and I sincerely hope that I have not gained a true 5 . 7 pounds . But if I did , I 'll just move on and get back on the program . I 've talked to everyone about my weight Posted by After a VERY off - plan beginning of the week , I am determined to get back on track today . How , you may ask ? By eating a mango of course : ) In all due seriousness , I am going to try to eat more fresh fruits and vegetables and drink lots of WATER today . And I am going to Zumba , no matter what ! ! Since I began WW at the end of March , my diet has gone very smoothly , with good losses each week , but this week I hit a problem - - PMS and boy issues . Not a pretty combination , let me tell you . I spent the last few days eating the entire contents of my refrigerator , crying my eyes out , avoiding my neighbors , reading spy novels , and watching Gilmore Girls . I was craving McDonalds french fries and chicken nuggets , but I really didn 't want to run into anyone I knew . So I stayed home and ate gross / boring combinations of food : Special K out of the box , pasta with butter , bread with peanut butter , and asparagus ( just because I really like roasted asparagus with olive oil ) . Today I weighed in a day early , with heavier clothes , and on Day 2 of my period because I HATE myself . Despite my bad eating , I was shocked that the scale said I had gained 5 . 7 pounds ! ! ! How can that be possible after only eating badly for 3 days ? I burst into tears and the kind Weight Watchers receptionist offered to post No Weigh In and let me continue next week . She said , " You 're not a true Weight Watcher member until you 've cried on the scale at least once . " But I practically ran out of the Weight Watchers office . I was too ashamed to attend the meeting , which I know is completely counterproductive . However , I will return tomorrow in my standard Weight Watcher outfit , a skimpy sundress , and record the truth . I don 't think that I actually gained 5 . 7 whole pounds - - that would mean I ate over 10 , 000 extra calories which I don 't think I did in less than 3 days . I probably gained a few pounds , which is a major drag because I am trying to lose so much weight . On the other hand , this is a lifestyle , not a diet . And I have to love myself enough to keep plugging along desPosted by Beth , from Beth 's Journey to Thin ( bethsjourney . com ) inspired me to try a baked sweet potato with black beans ( not the most typical combination ) and it was delicious . I added some low fat sour cream to make it a little less dry , and it was so yummy , filling , healthy , easy , and CHEAP . Honestly , it beats a Panera sandwich , hands down ( my old crutch food ) . Posted by Katie 's Way to Healthy is a blog about a 24 - year - old girl who is trying to lose a great amount of weight , just about 90 pounds , and and who is trying to learn how to live a happy , healthy , productive life . I have been overweight since middle school ( and I was chubby even as a child ) and I am determined to get to a healthy weight the right way , by slowly changing my diet to incorporate more fruits , vegetables , whole grains , lean proteins and to become more active . Throughout my adolescence , everyone told me how pretty I was , but the implication was that I would be so much more attractive if I were thinner . Instead of being inspired to lose the weight , I ate more and more . I used to hide cracker boxes and empty yogurt containers in my room , because I thought no one would notice if the food just magically disappeared . ( They noticed , believe me . ) One of my favorite sayings is , what you eat in private shows in public . It 's taken me a while to realize that is true - - I still sometimes struggle with hiding my binges and pretending that they just didn 't happen . A year and a half ago , I somewhat successfully lost about 35 pounds by exercising 4 - 5 times per week and eating healthy , but as soon as I stopped exercising the weight came back on ( plus some ) . This time , I am using the Weight Watcher program to keep me accountable and help me stick with the program , because , let 's face it I 'm not going to lose 100 pounds in three months . This isn 't the Biggest Loser . I started Weight Watchers on March 25th 2010 and so far I have lost 29 . 6 pounds , which certainly makes me feel better even though I am not yet even close to my goal weight . In order to lose the weight , I 've tracked my points ( I get 28 per day ) and I have exercised 3 - 4 times per week . Now that I have lost some weight , I would like to bump my exercise up to 4 - 5 times per week . This blog will serve as a way for me to stay committed to my overall goals , track my progress , experiment with new recipes and activities and hopefully serve as an inspiration for people in similarPosted by First off , let 's talk business . I went to my weigh in this afternoon , and I gained a pound . I am officially 176 . 8 pounds on the Weight W . . . Let me preface this post by saying , I don 't handle criticism very well . Nor do I take advice . Ever . Sorry , if you 're disappointed . I . . . Hello again . It 's been more than two years and I 'm just now getting back to my blog . How I 've missed it ! I forgot how wonderful . . .
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Hi all . So this article should not be to long . I just really wanted a chance to update you on everything that 's happened since August and the victory I achieved once again ! Not to long after I wrote my last article ( to read previous article Click here ) all the medical issues I mentioned in that article got Ten times worse . So bad I finally told my Doctors I could not take it anymore and something had to be done ! I was doing everything that was humanly possible to just fight through the symptoms . Because the options the Doctors had for me , were all extremely risky , and they all involved major Surgery . So we all , including myself , felt the risk was to high and not worth it . Everyone ( including myself ) felt , if I were to go through with most of the Surgeries they had on the table for me . They would probably have killed me , and if they did not kill me they definitely would have destroyed the life I have now . But than in July my symptoms just started getting so extreme I could not take it . I was practically crying myself to sleep every Night for at least Two Months . Because I was doing all I could to fight through everything , and knew if I chose Surgery my life would probably end . Honestly if this was any other time in my life , . I would have been ok with that , not because I was ok with " dying " but because I knew where I 'd be going and knew my ultimate goal in life is to be with him ( Jesus ) anyways . So if this was any other time I would have taken the risk in a heart beat , but in this moment I just felt if my life ended , it would have ended before it was supposed to . I had so many things in my life I was not willing to give up yet , and so many things I had worked so hard to achieve , like this Book . I felt like if I were to have died now , it would have been like loosing a race at the finish line . Everything inside me was just not willing to accept that my life could end . But yet I was very conflicted and I will admit I think I let fear grip me a little . I tortured myself and my body for almost Six Months . Trying to fight these symptoms I was having . Because I did not want to go through another risky Surgery . But than in July things just got , like I said , Ten times worse . My Stomach felt like a Rock was inside it again , and the fluid that was building up in my Brain was getting so extreme . All I wanted to do was sleep , but yet I couldn 't sleep because I was so uncomfortable . I couldn 't watch tv , I couldn 't read and my eyes felt like they weighted a Billion pounds . After awhile I had even realized my face was starting to swell a little too . So after I wrote that article in August and after my 30th Birthday . I prayed , and after my time in prayer . I felt even though I didn 't want to , I had to go through with Surgery . So I sat down with my Parents and all my Doctors , and I told them I 'm sorry but you have to do something , anything . I was willing to take the risk because I felt the Lord was telling me I was dying with or without the Surgery and at that point I felt . As risky as the surgery was , doing nothing was more risky . I had no doubt in my mind if they did not do something soon than that would be it , my life would have been over . After having a long talk with my Doctors . I did finally get them to agree that something had to be done , and I was so relieved they were willing to try . At least I was relieved for about Twenty Seconds LOL . Than in the middle of the Doctors appointment as the Surgeons were telling me their plan . I hear the Lord saying : no , that plans going to kill you , tell them to do this … . The Lord than laid out this whole plan that he wanted me to suggest to the Doctors . I won 't explain all the details because most probably won 't understand it anyways LOL but bottom line really is . The Doctors wanted to move my Shunt and instead of having it drain in my Belly . They wanted to go in the Vein that 's in the Neck , the one that 's connected to our Heart . They wanted to connect the Shunt tubing to that Vein so than the extra fluid in my Brain would just get absorbed into my Blood stream . The Lord on the other hand kept telling me not to have them do that and instead have them go in my Belly and basically do the same Surgery they did in 2012 . Which is go in cut as much Scar Tissue out as possible and than move the Tubing to the Shunt over a little . The Surgeons did not agree with that plan at all at first . Because the more you cut out Scar Tissue the worse it gets . The Doctor explained it as being like a Snake . You can cut a Snakes tail off over and over , but it will continually grow back . That is how Scar Tissue works , the more you cut it , the more it will grow back . The Doctors were also worried about how little room I have left inside my Belly . I have so little room left inside my Belly . That they were worried they may not be able to even fit their instruments in there to be able to cut Scar Tissue out . Without the risk of damaging my Organs . The Doctors also did not want to go through with that plan because it was not a " fix " it was basically just a way to buy time . But the Lord kept telling me it was ok . Because number One , no matter what treatment plan I chose nothings technically a " fix " every plan on the table was just a way to buy time . But the important thing at this point is what plan would benefit me the most . The Lord kept telling me I did not have to worry about the future , I just had to worry about this moment . After the Doctors gave their plan I than nicely asked them and my Parents why we couldn 't do the plan I knew the Lord was showing me . Of course I didn 't tell them it was what the Lord was telling me . I just asked why we couldn 't cut the Scar Tissue out ? That 's when the Doctor told me about it growing back faster and stronger the more you mess with it . So I just shut up at that point cause I didn 't know what to do and I felt they were going to do what they wanted no matter what I said . Because their the Doctors and they know better than me . After the Doctors got done giving their plan they asked if they could leave the room for a Minute . They wanted to go look at my Scans One more time . So while they were looking at the Scans I just started praying and I told the Lord . Lord of course I trust you more than anyone but I don 't know how to get them to trust you , or me for that matter . So if this plan that you keep telling me about really can help me live . Than speak to those Doctors Hearts yourself and change their Mind . The Doctor comes back in and is continuing to say that they want to go through my Neck and to the Vein connected to my Heart . And as their talking I 'm just saying to myself oh come on Lord speak to these Doctors Hearts . Than all of a sudden the One Surgeon sits down and starts staring at my Belly and says : well if you really want to go in the Belly , I guess I 'd be willing to try , but I can 't make any promises . Now let me remind you when he said all this I hadn 't said One word , I never asked them about going through my Belly again , all I did was pray LOL . I knew the Minute the Doctor said he was willing to try . Than that meant the Lord was working it out already but just to be sure I responded by saying . Well your the Doctors you know best and he looked at me and said no this is team work . You and your parents know you 're body better than any one of us . So please don 't be afraid to say stuff we will listen . In that moment it 's like I felt an instant break through and I knew the Lords hands were on this . ( Psalm 118 : 8 ) It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in humans . ( As I told you all awhile back . When I hear certain songs , sometimes I get just as encouraged , ministered to or even learn from them as I do from hearing a good teaching or from reading the Bible and while I was in the midst of writing this article I found this album by a group called Unspoken . Two of the songs on the album are perfect for this article . When I heard a song called Miracle on the album I knew I had to share it in this article , it 's soo beautiful and powerful . Unfortunately I cannot post the song in the article like I 'd usually do because I don 't have any rights or permission to do so , and I didn 't have the time to work my magic and try to get a hold of them for permission . But I at least wanted to share the lyrics with you all . This is lyrics to a song called Miracle by Unspoken , I encourage you all to go listen to this song ) The past Two or Three Years have been a rough one , not just physically but mentally . I have lost a lot of people who I never thought in a Billion Years would have passed before me . A lot of these people were people that had been praying for me and my life for Years . So I had a lot of anxiety about that too . Because I kept thinking , if these people who were healthy and strong died , than how could I think I 'd live ? I mean even the person who I considered to be my Pastor and who I had been following for Years passed away just Two - Three Weeks ago ( Kim Clement ) . He had been sick for over a Year . He had a lot of major health issues going on but it all started with a Brain Bleed . I remember just Days before he had his first Bleed . Actually I remember exactly when it was , Three Days . Just Three Days before He had his first Brain Bleed . I had contacted his team to ask if they all , including Kim , could please be praying for me . I explained to them how I was having issues with my Brain and how I was at risk of going through major Brain Surgery and also how I was at risk of my Brain being damaged . Never in a Million Years did I expect to open my Computer and find out that everything I was in fear of happening to me would happen to him . And now sadly this Month I found out he did lose his battle , and yes I know the good news is that he 's with our Lord Jesus Christ . But the bad news is it all happened way to soon . He had so much ahead of him . This man and his team had prayed me back to life more times than I could keep track of . Sadly I have so many stories of people that passed away to soon and people who took part in helping me fight , people who helped me live . I 'm not going to sit here and try to give some Christian cliche to try to explain it all . Because the truth is I don 't know why this happened , I don 't know why it happened to Kim or the 6 - 7 other people I knew who lost their lives these past few Years . But One thing it did teach me once again , is how precious life is ! I know you are all sick of hearing me say that by now , but it truly is . It also reminded me how even in the midst of a storm my God is still faithful ! When your someone like me , whose been battling life for Thirty Years . After awhile it becomes your normalcy . And after awhile no matter how serious things get you just assume or expect to make it through . Because you have made it so many times before . After awhile it 's almost like you become numb to the reality of how serious you 're health is . And it wasn 't until all these people had passed that I truly realized how fast life can be taken from us . Truly in a heart beat you could just be gone ! ! And I 've realized that more lately than I ever had . ( Mark 13 : 32 - 37 ) " But no one knows about that day or hour . Not even the angels in heaven know . The Son does not know . Only the Father knows . Keep watch ! Stay awake ! You do not know when that time will come . It 's like a man going away . He leaves his house and puts his servants in charge . Each one is given a task to do . He tells the one at the door to keep watch . " So keep watch ! You do not know when the owner of the house will come back . It may be in the evening or at midnight . It may be when the rooster crows or at dawn . He may come suddenly . So do not let him find you sleeping . What I say to you , I say to everyone . ' Watch ! ' " I had so many mixed emotions when they were wheeling me off to Surgery . In one breathe I was relaxed and calm . Because any time I kept thinking negatively . The Lord would give me visions , of me waking up after Surgery and being perfectly fine . In the visions I seen I was ok but yet I kept thinking of all these people I knew this year who believed just as strongly as I did and who were gone . Even in that very moment of me getting ready for Surgery . I had Doctors on every end of my Bed . Basically explaining all the different ways I could die ! It took them exactly Fifteen Minutes to explain Six different ways that I could die , or be stuck on machines for Months , to where I 'd still eventually die ! I mean we were so sure this time that some thing could actually happen . That I even made a list of all my Personal information , like passwords to all my accounts and where I had placed certain things . That 's how much I let fear grip me . And I have to admit after Surgery I was pretty disappointed in myself . Disappointed that I allowed myself to think such negative things and most importantly that I allowed the devil to almost win . It was also very confusing because like I said . I had all these Doctors and my family preparing me for the worst . But yet every time I closed my eyes and pictured what life would be like after Surgery . I was perfectly fine , I was better than fine , I was better than I had ever been after a Surgery . Every time I 'd start crying or I 'd get scared , the Lord would give me that same vision . I just could not get that vision of me waking up laughing and talking and being perfectly fine , out of my head . I kept telling the Lord , Lord I don 't get it . All these people are telling me I 'm basically dying but yet all you keep showing me is life ! Even when they placed me on the operating table , I went to start crying again and I couldn 't because this wave of peace just came over me and all of a sudden I kept hearing a song ( it is well with me ) play in my head and every time I 'd close my eyes I 'd see myself waking up after Surgery and being totally fine . In the vision I could even hear myself saying : I don 't get it , this was supposed to be one of the worse Surgeries I 've had , but yet I am totally fine I 'm not even drowsy from the anesthesia ! ( Lyrics to the Second song by Unspoken that I mentioned earlier . That I felt was perfect for this article . So I just had to share them too , and again I encourage you all to go get this album . It ministered to me so much this week ) When I came out of Surgery I experienced the exact same things the Lord showed me in that vision , even down to saying what I heard myself say about how amazed I was that I wasn 't drowsy . When I woke up I was totally fine , I wasn 't in pain , I wasn 't drowsy , I wasn 't anything but myself . When I went in to Surgery they told me to expect to wake up in the ICU ( Intensive Care Unit ) but because I did so well after Surgery they ended up bringing me straight to a regular room ! Not only did they bring me to a regular room , but they also told me , I was doing so good they felt I could have probably gone home if I wanted to . Thank God they didn 't actually send me home , because I did end up having a small reaction about Fifteen , Sixteen Hours after the Surgery . But even the reaction I had , had nothing to do with the Surgery . It more had to do with the fact that I had gone so long without eating or drinking or taking my medications that I take on a regular basis . That My body just kind of spiraled out of control for a Minute . I had gotten so sick before Surgery that I went without eating anything for a good Four Days ! So between not eating or drinking or taking any of my meds . Things just kind of caught up to me . But as far as the Surgery went , I was One Hundred percent fine . Me and my Family and even my Doctors were on top of the world . They were just as relieved as I was and once again they all just shook their heads wondering how I did this once again . How did I fight sickness and death again ? They all keep telling me how strong and how much of a miracle I am and I agree my life is a miracle . But as far as me " Jackie Yafanaro " being a miracle . Heck no , I 'm no miracle , but I do know the miracle maker and that 's my Lord Jesus Christ . He is my life support and he continually saves me and keeps me breathing and because of that I will never doubt ! I may not understand why I keep living when all these other people around me passed away . But like I said in my last article . I do not need to have all the answers . When my time finally does come and I do see my kings face . I 'm sure all those questions will be answered , but for now , I not only believe , but I know he is faithful and even during times of uncertainty he 's still faithful . Sure I may have a lot of questions about certain things but I don 't and never will have doubt . How could I after all he 's done for me and all I 've experienced in life . There are so many people in this world who I see who are focusing their time on nonsense , who are letting fear take hold of them and hiding behind pointless garbage . And it is so sad to see because I just want to say , if you 'd only trust . That 's all it comes down to , trust . I know I said that in my last article too , but again I 'll say . As simple as that sounds that truly is what it 's about TRUST , trust even during your storm . He loves us so much and I feel it more now than I ever have . . times so short don 't waste a second of it . Get beyond your fears and doubts and do what your called to . Ok guys just a few announcements before I go . As I himted earlier in the article I am writing and publishing a book and I am planning to begin the publishing stage at the beginning of the new Year . But as I have said before publishing a book is not cheap LOL . Thankfully because of the amazing Birthday party my family had for me in August . I was able to raise a little more then half the funds I need for the book . So now I truly am SOOOOOO CLOSE ! ! ! So if anyone that reads this could find it in their Hearts to become a part of my Patreon Campaign I 'd really appreciate it . The Patreon campaign is basically a partnership . There 's different dollar amounts you can commit to giving . There 's one as low as $ 5 . 00 and what I like about this program is , it is not just about giving , it 's about giving and receiving . To all those who commit to giving . There are different prizes / gifts you all get in return for giving . For example : Anyone who commits to donating $ 50 a Month . I will send you a THE - BOOK - OF - ROO magnet , a OI CAN DO ALL THINGS wristband and I will give some Perfectly Posh Products . That 's just the $ 50 level rewards but there 's some other great rewards on the site too ( plus anyone who joins no matter how much they commit to giving . They will automatically be among the first to receive my book ) So check it out Patreon Partnership Page . THE - BOOK - OF - ROO has options now ! If you all are looking for a way to reach me on a more personal level , or maybe want to send a cash donation you can do that now . Please send any cards / Letters / Gifts to this PO Box . PO BOX : THE - BOOK - OF - ROO I THINK THATS IT FOR TODAY . IF I DO NOT SEE YOU ALL BEFORE THE HOLIDAYS PLEASE HAVE A BLESSED AND MERRY CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEARS . . THANKS FOR READING AND SUPPORTING ME AND THE - BOOK - OF - ROO . GOD BLESS AND PLEASE REMEMBER KEEP SHINING FOR CHRIST . BECAUSE HE NOT ONLY LOVES YOU , BUT ADORES YOU . ALSO PLEASE REMEMBER IF YOU NEED PRAYER I AND THE - BOOK - OF - ROO READERS ARE HERE TO PRAY . JUST STOP BY OUR PRAYER PAGE AND POST YOUR PRAYER REQUEST AND I PROMISE WE WILL PRAY 😇 ALSO PLEASE REMEMBER AS I SAID EARLIER , RUNNING THIS WEBSITE AND WRITING / PUBLISHING A BOOK DOES ALL COST MONEY TOO . SO IF YOUR FEELING LED DURING THIS HOLIDAY SEASON PLEASE DONATE TO MY SITE . ITS VERY EASY TO DO . WE HAVE MANY OPTIONS NOW BUT THE EASIEST OPTION IS JUST TO CLICK THE " DONATE " BUTTON AND FILL OUT THE FORM , THATS IT . PLEASE KNOW I AM GRATEFUL FOR EACH AND EVERY DONATION THAT COMES IN NO MATTER IF ITS THROUGH THE PATREON PAGE , PO BOX OR PAYPAL . GOD BLESS , I LOVE YOU ALL AND MORE IMPORTANTLY JESUS LOVES YOU . KEEP ON SHINING FOR CHRIST ❤️ Hi all . Boy has it been an eventful few months ! Let 's start with the good stuff first . I had a Birthday ! ! ! I am officially 30 years old ! OMG ( oh my gosh ) does it feel good to be 30 . I had a huge celebration with my family and loved ones . The festivities began with My parents along with my siblings throwing me a 30th surprise party ! So that was so much fun . 80 people were invited and over 100 showed up LOL ( Gotta love my neighborhood ) LOL . All my family came in from out of town to celebrate with me . It was so much fun and such a blessing to have shared that moment with the people who truly love me and who I love . Each person that was there , truly were people who made an impact in my life . I am so grateful to each and every person who took time out of their busy lives to celebrate such a huge , important and special Day . It was so amazing entering that restaurant and seeing pictures of me from birth till now all over the place and then seeing that the theme of the party was GOLD ( I think you can all figure out why the theme was GOLD ) LOL . Of course seeing all that meant the world to me , but what meant more to me then anything , is seeing the hearts of everyone around me . Seeing how important it was to my family to do some thing that would bless me , seeing them crying and laughing and just , the pure joy and accomplishment we all felt in that moment . Thankfulness is the only word I can think of to describe it all . Thankful to have lived 30 years , thankful to have a family who truly loves and supports me , thankful for having parents who love me so much that they would truly breathe for me if they could . This was not just a Birthday for me , this was a goal achieved , this was the proof of how AMAZING God is . I mean even my own Doctor called me and said how amazing this Birthday was for me , and how he himself don 't understand how I 've lived 30 Years . As you all know , when I was born I was not supposed to live Ten Days ! Ten Days people ! But yet I just celebrated , no scratch that because I don 't fully like using the term " Celebrated " . Because me turning 30 is so much more then a " Celebration " , it 's an accomplishment ! I just accomplished 30 years of life . When I was continually being told I was going to die . I have been going through some major , major medical issues , and honestly I 'm being told once again that I 'm running out of options and I could possibly die . The Night before my surprise party , and also that Morning . I was extremely , extremely sick and the Morning of my party , I even made the comment . I felt so bad that there was no way I was moving off the Livingroom floor . I told my family you all go do what you want . I don 't care what you say I feel like crap Today so I 'm not leaving this floor ( I obviously didn 't know about the party yet ) LOL . Later that Day my Mom talked me into taking a bath . After my bath my meds had kicked in a little and my niece was at my house along with a few other cousins . So since I started feeling better my Mom then talked me into taking a " walk " . She said lets go take the kids to the park to run off some steam . Because they were starting to get , in the words of my Grandfather " Rambunctious " , LOL , so I agreed to go for a walk . It was awesome even my 5 year old niece was in on this scheme , the little snot , ( obviously I 'm joking people ) LOL . She was screaming park , I can 't wait to go to the park , please can we go ? Of course they all know no matter how crappy I feel , I 'm going to give in to her . The only time I say no to her is if I 'm puking and physically cant function LOL . So we head to the " park " and some how half way up the street as were walking to the " park " my Mom makes a fast u - turn and ended up in the back of my cousins restaurant . Where all my family and friends were waiting , and of course at that point the jig was up LOL . So we had the party and then of course continued on with a yearly August / Birthday tradition " THE FEAST " . For those who do not know , " the feast " is an Italian / religious festival that 's in my neighborhood . This festival or as they call it " Feast " . FYI ( they get very offended when you call it a festival . So to all those ( Neighborhood people ) who read this , I 'm not calling it that to be disrespectful . Just trying to explain to the " outsiders " what it 's like LOL ) " The Feast " is always celebrated in August and it 's always around or on my Birthday . It is always centered around the 15th of August . It either starts or ends on that Day every Year and it is called a religious holiday because it 's all about honoring Mary ( Jesus Mom ) . This " Feast " lasts for Four Days . So we had Four Days of festivities , and most of my out of town family decided to stay since they were already in town for my party . On top of all that I also did some other really fun stuff but I won 't bore you with every detail , but bottom line is . I had one amazingly fun not just Birthday , but BirthMonth ( I know I 'm spoiled ) LOL During all that , if that wasn 't amazing enough . The Lord blessed me even more ! From April to now . I have been listening to this lady named Joy Enriquez , her album " The Call " . During all of April , May , June and July I just could not stop listening to this album . Then when my medical issues started getting worse and I went through that whole NG tube thing that I mentioned to you all in the last blog I wrote . ( Link to previous blog ) her album was a huge part of what got me through all that . Like I told you all in the last blog . That whole experience was intense and was definitely a struggle for me to not only get through but get over . And after all that went down I had a lot of sleepless Nights , and a lot of time where I just spent one on one time with God . Because I was like Wow ok Lord what the heck just happened ? Did I really go through all that ? And why ? I had a lot of unanswered questions and truthfully a lot of anger in me . I was very angry that the Lord didn 't do anything to stop all that from taking place . I felt like he just sat back and let all that happen . But like I said in the last blog . He gave me the answers I so desperately needed to understand all that , and as I said before , I did make my peace with it all . So I 'm not going to repeat myself and explain all that again , but for those who did not read my previous blog . Go read it and hear about all the things God brought me through . Joy Enriquez album " The Call " was a huge blessing for me and almost was like a form of therapy . The majority of the songs on that album are all about trials and how we may be weak but he is strong . After I realized how much that album blessed and impacted me . I said : ok Lord I have to get this woman 's attention and I have to feature her on my website . Thats just the beginning of the song " Conquer " , but look the rest up its beautiful . Then there 's another song called " Walking on Water " and of course the song I feature in the interview , " Shelter " and their all about when the storms rage don 't worry because he 's got you . So let whatever happen because he has the final say . These songs were truly what got me through these past few Months . Because I 'll be honest there were times I was not sure I could keep doing this . My body was ( and still is ) exhausted and there were so many Nights I just kept crying out to God , looking for answers . And I 'd put on these songs and they would minister to me so much . And every time when I 'd get done listening I 'd realize . I 'm ok because I don 't need to know all the answers . All I need to know is that when I call on him he 's going to be there . My life story is all living proof that when you call on him and surrender to his will and just trust . I know I say that in my blogs so much , but that truly is what it 's all about TRUST . ( Proverbs 3 : 5 - 6 ) Trust in the Lord with all your heart , and do not lean on your own understanding . In all your ways acknowledge him , and he will make straight your paths . When you fully surrender to his will and fully understand how to have a child like heart , and trust God like that . I promise you , every bit of anger , exhaustion and fear , will just melt away . Because when you trust like that he 's going to come running with open arms , and he 's going to take whatever negative feelings your having and wipe them away . Our problem is we want to analyze everything to much and we expect to much . We have it in our heads the way we think our lives our supposed to go and the Minute that vision gets rattled a little bit . We don 't know how to react , what to do or where to turn . ( John 15 : 16 ) You did not choose me , but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide , so that whatever you ask the Father in my name , he may give it to you . I think that scripture sums it up pretty well don 't you ? I got side tracked so let me reign this in LOL . After the Lord used these songs to minister to me I knew I had to contact Joy . But after I did research on her and realized how big she was and all that she 's accomplished . I 'll be honest I was a little intimidated and thought . There is no way a lady in her position is going to take someone like me serious LOL . There 's no way she even has time for me . Not only is she this huge singer who as a kid was on Star Search , but has also been on numerous other tv shows / movies . I mean the first picture I found when doing my research . Was her posing with Smokey Robinson . Let 's not forget who her husband is too . He 's a huge Producer and song writer himself and has worked with numerous , very well known artists like , Mariah Carey , Whitney Houston , Beyoncé , Justin Bieber , Janet Jackson , Michael Jackson , Mary J Blige . I mean that is just a few of the people he 's worked with . So why in the world would his wife and himself want to allow little ol me , not only interview her , but also feature her music on my site . It 's a lot to get these people to trust you to let you use their songs . Because so many people in this world take this thing called the Internet for granted . And they take artists like her and plaster their songs all over the web . So for them to trust that I would not do that I know is big , and because she trusted me . If or when she reads this . I just want to say thank you . I never imagined you 'd say yes to this interview . But then to also agree to allow me to interview you over the phone and not just through email , made it that much sweeter ! The Lord definitely used you during this interview Joy , because it could not have come at a better time . When I first contacted her like I said : I assumed shed agree to just interviewing her via email . I gave her the option to do skype or email , but I assumed shed choose email because only one other artist ever agreed to doing a Skype interview and honestly , well umm then that artist never showed up for the actual interview LOL . So I thought for sure a lady with her background would never allow anything more then a interview via email , and even that I thought was a long shot . But I believe Gods hands were on this and I believe Joy was obediant in allowing God to use her . Because doing this interview taught me so much . When I realized who she really was . I so wanted to back out , because I was so imbaressed . I was like there is no way I can take up a lady as important as her time . She has 4 kids and this huge career and I 'm just going to Facebook her and say : hey Im Jackie , I love music so can I interview you from my bedroom computer ? ? LOL . A little awkward don 't you think ? LOL But the Lord has been pushing me to go out of my comfort zone a lot lately and I knew he was using this situation to do that once again . So as fearful as I was and as stupid as I felt I just kept telling myself , it 's ok you can do this , you can do this LOL . The good thing was once I got on the phone with Joy Enriquez I realized right away that she had a heart of GOLD and my fears were put at ease the second we started talking . ( The only fear left at that point was my fear of Cameras LOL ) . Ok that was the good stuff for August , now the bad stuff . As I briefly mentioned earlier in this blog . I have been struggling with a lot of medical issues . As I think I mentioned in a previous blog . I have a pocket of fluid that keeps forming in my belly . That pocket of fluid along with a few other issues in my belly keep making me very sick . I keep getting extremely nauseated and can barely eat , and I have extreme headaches . You see what 's happening is . Like I told you all before , my body may be small but all my organs are 30 year old organs . Plus I have a lot of major deformities ( severe Scoliosis ) and then on top of that . I still have a huge amount of scar tissue that 's basically destroying my stomach and everything in that area . so in a nutshell everything is literally being crushed ! Everything 's so overcrowded now that there isnt any room for my shunt to function properly . Remember the Shunt is what drains the Cerebrospinal fluid that continually builds up in and around my brain . The Shunt sucks that fluid up and drains it out into my stomach . But because there is literally no room left in my stomach . The fluid is now getting stuck in all the scar tissue , and is basically forming its own Bubble or Shell ( pocket of fluid ) . So the big question now is . If I 'm running out of room in my own body to even hold a thin tube , then what do I do ? ? I have a few options it 's not a completely hopeless situation , nor is it a death sentence . But at the same time , the options that are available to me are very risky . I 'll be honest none of the options are good options and it 's all scary to think about . But at the same time , that 's what my entire life has been about , " Scary situations " . Like I told my family and primary Doctor . I 'm not going to avoid what I need to do just because it 's scary or dangerous . My entire life has been about danger . So I will keep fighting , praying and believing , and will continue to figure out the smartest and safest way to treat all this . But at the same time , I 'm not just going to sit on my hands avoiding the big questions and do nothing . I haven 't done that in 30 years so I will not start now ! The 30 curse ! a lot of people do not know this , but in the world of OI ( Osteogenesis Imperfecta ) 30 is thought of as a " curse " . Because not only do the majority of people not even see 30 , but the closer they get to it , and the ones that achieve it , go through hell ! ( Excuse the H word can 't think of any other word to use LOL ) I have had so many conversations with both men and woman asking me aren 't you worried about turning 30 ? Aren 't you scared your bones are going to get weaker , or your going to get sicker ? The answer I have is no , I 'm not scared of any of that . The reality is yes I am following in those foot steps . I mean look at all the medical issues I just told you guys about . So I 'm not going to deny that yes the older I get the more challenging things become , but why does that make me special ? That 's life . The older anyone gets the more challenging life gets . I choose to not let OI take anymore then it already has , I choose to look at 30 as an accomplishment and blessing , not a curse . And whatever challenges I face along the way , I choose to look at that as being life . You have your ups and your downs , your joys and sorrows . I choose to not look for an escape goat , and instead face things head on . Because through Christ I can do all things and with him comes victory . ( Deuteronomy 20 : 4 ) For the LORD your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory . " So when you read scriptures like that and when you know Your covered by the blood and know that when he died for you he not only saved you , but broke any curse that was ever placed ! Just keep fighting and moving forward . LIke I said before , we have it in our heads how we imagine our life to go , but it 's not about what we want . It 's about him and the more we accept that , the easier life 's going to be . ( Jeremiah 29 : 11 ) For I know the plans I have for you , " declares the Lord , " plans to prosper you and not to harm you , plans to give you hope and a future . I promise you if you keep fighting and trusting him , you will achieve victory . I 'm going to leave you with this last scripture verse ( Job 23 : 10 ) But he knows the way that I take ; when he has tested me , I will come forth as GOLD . ( Thank you Pasor Fah for that verse 😜 ) Ok guys just one last thing . I hope you all remember I am writing and publishing a book and as I have said that all is not cheap LOL . Thankfully because of the amazing birthday party my family threw me . I was able to raise a little more than half the funds I need for the book . So now we truly are SOOOOOO CLOSE ! ! ! So if anyone that reads this could find it in their hearts to become a part of my Patreon campaign I 'd really appreciate it . The Patreon campaign is basically a partnership . There 's different dollar amounts you can commit to giving . There 's one as low as $ 5 . 00 and what I like about this website is its not just about giving , but it 's about giving and receiving . To all those who commit to giving . There are different prizes / gifts you all get in return for giving . For example : Anyone who commits to donating $ 50 a Month . I will send you a THE - BOOK - OF - ROO magnet , a OI CAN DO ALL THINGS wristband and I will give some Perfectly Posh Products . That 's just the $ 50 level rewards but there 's some other great rewards on the site too so check it out . Patreon Partnership Page THE - BOOK - OF - ROO has options ! If you all are looking for a way to reach me on a more personal level , or maybe want to send a cash donation you can do that now . Please send any cards / Letters / Gifts to this PO Box . PO BOX : THE - BOOK - OF - ROO I THINK THATS IT FOR TODAY , I APOLOGIZE FOR SUCH A LONG ARTICLE , BUT I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT . . THANKS FOR READING AND SUPPORTING ME AND THE - BOOK - OF - ROO . GOD BLESS AND PLEASE REMEMBER KEEP SHINING FOR CHRIST . BECAUSE HE NOT ONLY LOVES YOU , BUT ALSO ADORES YOU . ALSO PLEASE REMEMBER IF YOU NEED PRAYER I AND THE - BOOK - OF - ROO READERS ARE HERE TO PRAY . JUST STOP BY OUR PRAYER PAGE AND POST YOUR PRAYER REQUEST AND I PROMISE WE WILL PRAY 😇 ALSO PLEASE REMEMBER RUNNING THIS WEBSITE AND WRITING / PUBLISHING A BOOK DOES ALL COST MONEY TOO . SO IF YOUR FEELING LED PLEASE DONATE TO MY SITE . ITS VERY EASY TO DO JUST CLICK THE " DONATE " BUTTON AND FILL OUT THE FORM , THATS IT . PLEASE KNOW I AM GRATEFUL FOR EACH AND EVERY DONATION THAT COMES IN NO MATTER IF ITS THROUGH THE PATREON PAGE , PO BOX OR PAYPAL . GOD BLESS . I LOVE YOU ALL AND MORE IMPORTANTLY JESUS LOVES YOU . KEEP ON SHINING ❤️ EVEN THOUGH I WALK THROUGH THE DARKEST VALLEY , I WILL FEAR NO EVIL , FOR YOU ARE WITH ME ; YOUR ROD AND YOUR STAFF , THEY COMFORT ME . YOU PREPARE A TABLE BEFORE ME IN THE PRESENCE OF MY ENEMIES . YOU ANOINT MY HEAD WITH OIL ; MY CUP OVERFLOWS . SURELY YOUR GOODNESS AND LOVE WILL FOLLOW ME ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE , AND I WILL DWELL IN THE HOUSE OF THE LORD FOREVER Hi all . I been trying to think of things to write about and I had been praying and praying but the LORD had given me nothing , and so that is why I have not wrote , because I told you all from day one I only want to be writing what GOD lays on my heart to write , and so all week , really all month I felt guilty for not writing , and for some reason that kept ringing in my ear over and over and than all of a sudden a question popped in my head , I wonder how many days I actually have lived this far ? ? ? excuse my language but I suck at math and so I immediately went to my facebook for the answer and I said : I GOT A VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION FOR ALL THE SMART FACEBOOK PEOPLE . HOW MANY DAYS EQUALS 28 YEARS , I NEED THE ANSWER ASAP . LOL Of course my amazing facebook friends and family immediately responded and we came up with 10 , 227 days ! ! ! when I seen that number I just could not help but see a miracle . I was told over and over , you will be dead in 10 days , or you will be dead in 6 months , 1 year , 2 years and so on and so on . But I am here celebrating my 28th year on this earth , and in doing that I just could not let this day go by without saying , no matter what Love always wins . He always wins , which is why I chose psalms 23 : 4 - 6 because I have lived those scripture verses out more than once . Than the answer finally came to me . When A lot of people see me , I know what they see , I am not dumb , and I definitely know what they may say : How can she give GOD so much credit ? how can she talk about freedom ? look at her she suffers every day of her life , and barely can move but yet says she 's grateful to GOD and says she 's free ? how is she free when she is tied down by two diseases every day ? ? I am here to tell you , if anyone thinks that , which lets be honest with ourselves , I know theres one or two in the bunch who do think that , and thats ok your human , but I am here to tell you , your one hundred percent wrong ! ! ! . O . I ( Osteogenesis Imperfecta ) and Hydrocephalus do not tie me down , I have been set free from them . You maybe thinking I am crazy for saying that , because to you being set free means the sickness must be totally gone , but I am here to tell you I don 't agree . I agree GOD can heal anyone and anything , but freedom doesn 't always mean healing in the natural . through the darkest valley , I will fear no evil , for you are with me your rod and your staff , they comfort me , and well you know the rest of that scripture 🙂 Jeremiah 29 : 11 says : For I know the plans I have for you , " declares the Lord , " plans to prosper you and not to harm you , plans to give you hope and a future . It does not say that scripture holds true to only the " healthy " it says : For I know the plans I have for you . GOD has a plan a destiny for each and every one of us , we just have to be willing to have the willpower and stamina to fight for and with the LORD to obtain that destiny . The LORD never said life would be easy , he just said it be worth it . A fast update before I end the book is almost done , and I really could use any donations your willing to give , because publishing a book is going to cost money , money I do not have LOL so please help support my dream and thanks in advance to anyone who does . remember if you want to give a donation just click on our facebook tab and than donate , or you could send it by clicking this button Also please most importantly pray ! pray for this book , pray for me , pray for this website , just pray ! ! ! ! please pray ! ! ! LOL . Hi all I am back ! ! ! LOL ( laugh out loud ) I am so so sorry I haven 't wrote in almost a year ! But I have a good reason why I haven 't wrote and for once it has nothing to do with my health , thank you JESUS ! ! ! . So the big announcement ! ! ! ! where has Jackie been for almost a year , if she was not sick ? ? ? ? Jackie has been working her butt off , thats where she 's been LOL . As you all know , my one dream and one of the reasons I even started this website , was to write my own book . so thats what I have been doing over the past , id say 9 months . I have been writing a book and it hasn 't been easy LOL . WHERE DID OUR COMPASSION GO ? ? ? ? I felt GOD laying that question on my heart a few months ago , when I experienced two incidents on facebook . One incident was a good one and one was a more negative one . I will share the negative one first , one day I shared something on my THE - BOOK - OF - ROO facebook page . For the record I love him and his ministry , and I do all I can to support it , but that is not the point or moral of this story . Kim Clement for those of you who do not know of him , he is a prophet , yes you heard me right , a prophet ! LOL . I know there are many debates over prophets , and who believes in them and who doesn 't , but I am not here to get in to that debate with you , so no one start sending me letters debating on if you think this guys a man of GOD or not , because frankly I don 't care what you all think about him LOL . I am mentioning this , not because of the prophet , but because of the kid in this photo , and how some of you reacted when you seen this kid . The sad thing of when I posted this , not one person stepped up and said : what can I do ? , or even a , I will pray for this boy . All most of them focused on , is where the post had originated from , and what that guy ( Kim Clement ) stood for . That is so sad to me , I want to throw up just thinking about it . Have we become so religious that we forgot what we stand for ? ? ? Jeremiah 9 : 1 says : Oh , that my head were a spring of water and my eyes a fountain of tears ! I would weep day and night for the slain of my people . This is how we should be towards our people . GOD created us to be able to look in every direction , he did not create us to just look straight ahead . I hate to mention her again , but here I go LOL . I love the meaning of Beckah Shaes love glasses and I love how in her own creative way she 's teaching kids every day to look with love . I am begging you all wear those love glasses , don 't look at things with such anger and judgement , but look at them with LOVE . Because there was no one that had a more compassionate heart than Jesus did , He gave his life for us , because he felt compassion for his people . He was willing to endure all that pain so we would not have to . Who other than Jesus would do that ? ? Im not saying to give your all , but I do think its about time we stop having that one track mind mentality and , that we start looking to the right and to the left and start seeing the pain that people are enduring around us , and I feel its time we start shinning the light in those dark places . And when I seen what was on my search engine , I started cracking up . This is what it says , it says : the " me generation " is characterized by material things . It is time we get out of the " me generation " and start being what GODS called us to be . Colossians 3 : 12 says : Therefore , as God 's chosen people , holy and dearly loved , clothe yourselves with compassion , kindness , humility , gentleness and patience . Thats what were supposed to be kind , compassionate , gentle , patient , love , Thats what GOD has called us to be . So stop looking at your own situation , your own desires , and look at what GODS called you to be . Last year when I was in the hospital , GOD was showing me again a situation , where compassion was lost . this was april of last year , I was having a very minor surgery on my arm , I wasn 't even admitted , I came home an hour after it , but while I was there and they were prepping me to go in to surgery , there was two other patients , one was to the left of me and one was in front of me . The one to the left of me was a young teen maybe 14 at the most , and my heart broke for him , he was just about to go in to surgery for what I think was some type of exploratory operation . His bed was right next to mine and they did have the curtains closed , but with it being so close to me , it was hard not to over hear the situation , and the situation was this , the kid was in foster care , and you could just see the anger in this kid and you could see how unloved and hopeless he felt , and yet because he was only in his early teens , you could see the fear in him about going in to surgery . And all you could see that this kid wanted , was someone to show him some compassion and love , he had absolutely no one there with him but a caseworker , and the caseworker was not very heartfelt , or compassionate towards his situation . You could see he was just a job to her and worse , I could see he seen it too . I don 't know the outcome of that kids surgery , when I came out of my surgery , he was gone , But ever since that day , I been praying for kids that are in his shoes , and praying that one day things will change , and people will learn to be more compassionate towards kids like that . There was another kid in a bed in front of me , she probably was not even seven years old , and she had a FIRST PRAYER REQUEST IS FROM A MOTHER , HER NAMES FRAN , SHE SAYS : My 19 year old has fallen into the humanism School of thought . He 's been raised in a Christian home , made his profession of faith at a young age . He is at a Christian camp right now where many of the leaders are praying for him . Pray for a strong piercing transformation while he 's there , that Jesus would reveal himself to my son Blake . Please pray for my girlfriend Angel and I . My girlfriend Angel and I haven 't talked to each other in about a week . I am not to sure what is going on with us . We have known each other for about 5 years and have been going out for 5 months . Things were going good between us as far as I knew before Angel moved . After Angel moved I tried to hang out with her at times , but Angel kept telling me that she was busy and didn 't have time to see or hang out with me . Angel does have 3 kids and recently hurt her arm and shoulder having her arm in a sling . Angel has told me that she does care about me , that I am a wonderful guy and that she wants to work things out between us . Lately it seems like she is either to busy or doesn 't want to hang out with me . I have been for the past week trying to give her some space and only sent her an email apologizing for possibly being a little to pushy maybe and bothering her by trying to hang out with her and find out what 's going on . I do like and care about her a lot and would like things to work out with her . I know that 2 of her kids have said that they don 't have a problem with me and that it doesn 't bother them when I am over their house visiting . Yes , Angel could be busy , but I find it a little hard to think that for the past couple weeks to a month that she is so busy that she can 't find anytime to hang out or let me come over and visit for at least 15 minutes . I would like for us to be in an open , honest relationship and have it work out . I also know that her kids father doesn 't care for me and has complained about me to Angel . I know her kids don 't like to listen to well and her oldest daughter is a little bit of a problem child . Please pray for healing for Angel , her kids and I . Pray that our relationship can be mended and saved from falling apart . That we can get through the storms and trails in our life together . Also , that we can be open and honest with each other . Pray that Angel will start showing more that she does care and want to be with me like she sayWELL THATS ALL THE PRAYER REQUESTS AND THATS ABOUT ALL I HAVE TO SHARE FOR TODAY , BUT I AM GLAD TO BE BACK AND HOPEFULLY I HAVE NOT LOST YOU ALL AND YOUR ALL STILL HERE LOL . BEFORE I END I JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING ME AND THIS SITE FOR THE PAST TWO YEARS ALMOST THREE YEARS NOW , WHICH I CANNOT BELIEVE WERE CLOSE TO HITTING OUR THIRD YEAR , BUT IM THANKFUL THAT WE ARE AND IM THANKFUL THAT YOU ALL KEEP READING AND SUPPORTING ME . BEFORE I END PLEASE REMEMBER TO STOP BY ROO ' S TREASURES AND PICK UP YOUR O . I CAN DO ALL THINGS BRACELETS , THERE A GREAT STOCKING STUFFER HEHEHE . It says : it is a predetermined course of events . So heres what I get out of it , yes GOD holds our destiny , but we determine our steps , which than determines what GOD does . Proverbs 6 : 32 says : But a man who commits adultery has no sense ; whoever does so destroys himself . The point im trying to make is that people take choices in life for granted , but our choices are what makes us . People my age always give excuses and when they make the wrong choice they say : oh well im young , or im just having a little fun , or the best one I have heard them say is , im trying to find myself . Hearing that kind of crap kills me , because its not that easy or that simple your choices effect your future , your destiny . Philippians 3 : 18 - 19 says : For , as I have often told you before and now tell you again even with tears , many live as enemies of the cross of Christ . Their destiny is destruction , their GOD is their stomach , and their glory is in their shame . Their mind is set on earthly things . Listen I dont know the president personally and so I dont know whats in that mans heart and either do any of you , there are many , many evil people in this world , im not saying the president is one of those people , but lets just say for a minute that he is , ok than what ? ? ? do you really think that one man can change the course of our destiny ? ? no only GOD and our flesh can change the course of our destiny . Which brings me to my next point , what have you done in your own life to make a difference in this world ? ? what have you sacrificed ? No matter if you agree with Obamas decisions and choices or not , you can not deny that man and any other man that has gone before him has not sacrificed their lives to make our country the best it could be , may be they have stumbled along the way a little , but dont we all ? ? Oh but Jackie hes the president he should know better , no hes a human being just like the rest of us , he has flaws just like the rest of us , he has scars just like the rest of us , he bleeds just like the rest of us , and why , because again hes a human being , thats the difference between man and GOD . Thats why Obama is called the president of our country and the LORD is called the LORD over all things . So may be you dont agree with everything , but hey at least the mans trying , im not saying we should all try to be president ok LOL ( laugh out loud ) but im saying every one of us can choose things that can make a difference in this world , but do we always do that ? ? I know I dont , and I think its time that changes , we need to stop being lazy and pull out that armor ! ! Habakkuk 2 : 2 - 3 says : Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it . For the revelation awaits an appointed time ; it speaks of the end and will not prove false . Though it linger , wait for it ; it will certainly come and will not delay . when I read that scripture it reminded me of when I was growing up . You see years ago my dads dream was to start a landscaping company , and his dream was to have a tractor and a red truck and many other things that you obviously need to start a landscaping business , and at the time he had no clue how to make all these dreams come true . He was young , never finished school and definitely did not have many people in his life that could guide or encourage him , all he pretty much had was his faith and GODS word , and my mom LOL ( laugh out loud ) . But that was enough for him , he started his business the same year I was born , which honestly that did not make it any easier . When I was born and both him and my mom realized how sick I was they could of both said hold it , we cant do this , its to risky right now , But they did not walk in fear , they did not let the shock of my birth or the many challenges we faced stop them , they still went through with it , and when they made that choice to start Alpha & Omega landscaping and snowplowing my dad carved a scripture on a plack that said . 1 Samuel 17 : 49 it says : Reaching into his bag and taking out a stone , he slung it and struck the Philistine on the forehead . The stone sank into his forehead , and he fell facedown on the ground . It is talking about David and Goliath . The LORD reminded me of this because he wanted to prove to me once again , how he wants a fearless generation . He wants people that are small and weak in the natural , but that are huge in the spirit to get out there and fight like david . Complaining and expressing your feelings on facebook isn 't fighting for your destiny , GOD wants you to be brave and fearless we need to be a david generation and get out there and fight for our destiny . Anyone that knows me can tell you I have given every ounce that is in me to fight for my destiny and I will continue doing so all the days of my life . GOD BLESS YOU ALL THANKS FOR READING REMEMBER I LOVE YOU AND AM PRAYING FOR YOU ALL AND PLEASE DONT FORGET TO SEND IN YOUR PRAYER REQUESTS TO MY PRAYER REQUEST PAGE . AND REMEMBER JESUS LOVES YOU ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! . Below is the link to bracelets and facebook page FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER Big announcement ! I am starting a subscription box . There 's a few … instagram . com / p / BSlpxFjh7nr - … 2 months ago Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
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Hi all . So this article should not be to long . I just really wanted a chance to update you on everything that 's happened since August and the victory I achieved once again ! Not to long after I wrote my last article ( to read previous article Click here ) all the medical issues I mentioned in that article got Ten times worse . So bad I finally told my Doctors I could not take it anymore and something had to be done ! I was doing everything that was humanly possible to just fight through the symptoms . Because the options the Doctors had for me , were all extremely risky , and they all involved major Surgery . So we all , including myself , felt the risk was to high and not worth it . Everyone ( including myself ) felt , if I were to go through with most of the Surgeries they had on the table for me . They would probably have killed me , and if they did not kill me they definitely would have destroyed the life I have now . But than in July my symptoms just started getting so extreme I could not take it . I was practically crying myself to sleep every Night for at least Two Months . Because I was doing all I could to fight through everything , and knew if I chose Surgery my life would probably end . Honestly if this was any other time in my life , . I would have been ok with that , not because I was ok with " dying " but because I knew where I 'd be going and knew my ultimate goal in life is to be with him ( Jesus ) anyways . So if this was any other time I would have taken the risk in a heart beat , but in this moment I just felt if my life ended , it would have ended before it was supposed to . I had so many things in my life I was not willing to give up yet , and so many things I had worked so hard to achieve , like this Book . I felt like if I were to have died now , it would have been like loosing a race at the finish line . Everything inside me was just not willing to accept that my life could end . But yet I was very conflicted and I will admit I think I let fear grip me a little . I tortured myself and my body for almost Six Months . Trying to fight these symptoms I was having . Because I did not want to go through another risky Surgery . But than in July things just got , like I said , Ten times worse . My Stomach felt like a Rock was inside it again , and the fluid that was building up in my Brain was getting so extreme . All I wanted to do was sleep , but yet I couldn 't sleep because I was so uncomfortable . I couldn 't watch tv , I couldn 't read and my eyes felt like they weighted a Billion pounds . After awhile I had even realized my face was starting to swell a little too . So after I wrote that article in August and after my 30th Birthday . I prayed , and after my time in prayer . I felt even though I didn 't want to , I had to go through with Surgery . So I sat down with my Parents and all my Doctors , and I told them I 'm sorry but you have to do something , anything . I was willing to take the risk because I felt the Lord was telling me I was dying with or without the Surgery and at that point I felt . As risky as the surgery was , doing nothing was more risky . I had no doubt in my mind if they did not do something soon than that would be it , my life would have been over . After having a long talk with my Doctors . I did finally get them to agree that something had to be done , and I was so relieved they were willing to try . At least I was relieved for about Twenty Seconds LOL . Than in the middle of the Doctors appointment as the Surgeons were telling me their plan . I hear the Lord saying : no , that plans going to kill you , tell them to do this … . The Lord than laid out this whole plan that he wanted me to suggest to the Doctors . I won 't explain all the details because most probably won 't understand it anyways LOL but bottom line really is . The Doctors wanted to move my Shunt and instead of having it drain in my Belly . They wanted to go in the Vein that 's in the Neck , the one that 's connected to our Heart . They wanted to connect the Shunt tubing to that Vein so than the extra fluid in my Brain would just get absorbed into my Blood stream . The Lord on the other hand kept telling me not to have them do that and instead have them go in my Belly and basically do the same Surgery they did in 2012 . Which is go in cut as much Scar Tissue out as possible and than move the Tubing to the Shunt over a little . The Surgeons did not agree with that plan at all at first . Because the more you cut out Scar Tissue the worse it gets . The Doctor explained it as being like a Snake . You can cut a Snakes tail off over and over , but it will continually grow back . That is how Scar Tissue works , the more you cut it , the more it will grow back . The Doctors were also worried about how little room I have left inside my Belly . I have so little room left inside my Belly . That they were worried they may not be able to even fit their instruments in there to be able to cut Scar Tissue out . Without the risk of damaging my Organs . The Doctors also did not want to go through with that plan because it was not a " fix " it was basically just a way to buy time . But the Lord kept telling me it was ok . Because number One , no matter what treatment plan I chose nothings technically a " fix " every plan on the table was just a way to buy time . But the important thing at this point is what plan would benefit me the most . The Lord kept telling me I did not have to worry about the future , I just had to worry about this moment . After the Doctors gave their plan I than nicely asked them and my Parents why we couldn 't do the plan I knew the Lord was showing me . Of course I didn 't tell them it was what the Lord was telling me . I just asked why we couldn 't cut the Scar Tissue out ? That 's when the Doctor told me about it growing back faster and stronger the more you mess with it . So I just shut up at that point cause I didn 't know what to do and I felt they were going to do what they wanted no matter what I said . Because their the Doctors and they know better than me . After the Doctors got done giving their plan they asked if they could leave the room for a Minute . They wanted to go look at my Scans One more time . So while they were looking at the Scans I just started praying and I told the Lord . Lord of course I trust you more than anyone but I don 't know how to get them to trust you , or me for that matter . So if this plan that you keep telling me about really can help me live . Than speak to those Doctors Hearts yourself and change their Mind . The Doctor comes back in and is continuing to say that they want to go through my Neck and to the Vein connected to my Heart . And as their talking I 'm just saying to myself oh come on Lord speak to these Doctors Hearts . Than all of a sudden the One Surgeon sits down and starts staring at my Belly and says : well if you really want to go in the Belly , I guess I 'd be willing to try , but I can 't make any promises . Now let me remind you when he said all this I hadn 't said One word , I never asked them about going through my Belly again , all I did was pray LOL . I knew the Minute the Doctor said he was willing to try . Than that meant the Lord was working it out already but just to be sure I responded by saying . Well your the Doctors you know best and he looked at me and said no this is team work . You and your parents know you 're body better than any one of us . So please don 't be afraid to say stuff we will listen . In that moment it 's like I felt an instant break through and I knew the Lords hands were on this . ( Psalm 118 : 8 ) It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in humans . ( As I told you all awhile back . When I hear certain songs , sometimes I get just as encouraged , ministered to or even learn from them as I do from hearing a good teaching or from reading the Bible and while I was in the midst of writing this article I found this album by a group called Unspoken . Two of the songs on the album are perfect for this article . When I heard a song called Miracle on the album I knew I had to share it in this article , it 's soo beautiful and powerful . Unfortunately I cannot post the song in the article like I 'd usually do because I don 't have any rights or permission to do so , and I didn 't have the time to work my magic and try to get a hold of them for permission . But I at least wanted to share the lyrics with you all . This is lyrics to a song called Miracle by Unspoken , I encourage you all to go listen to this song ) The past Two or Three Years have been a rough one , not just physically but mentally . I have lost a lot of people who I never thought in a Billion Years would have passed before me . A lot of these people were people that had been praying for me and my life for Years . So I had a lot of anxiety about that too . Because I kept thinking , if these people who were healthy and strong died , than how could I think I 'd live ? I mean even the person who I considered to be my Pastor and who I had been following for Years passed away just Two - Three Weeks ago ( Kim Clement ) . He had been sick for over a Year . He had a lot of major health issues going on but it all started with a Brain Bleed . I remember just Days before he had his first Bleed . Actually I remember exactly when it was , Three Days . Just Three Days before He had his first Brain Bleed . I had contacted his team to ask if they all , including Kim , could please be praying for me . I explained to them how I was having issues with my Brain and how I was at risk of going through major Brain Surgery and also how I was at risk of my Brain being damaged . Never in a Million Years did I expect to open my Computer and find out that everything I was in fear of happening to me would happen to him . And now sadly this Month I found out he did lose his battle , and yes I know the good news is that he 's with our Lord Jesus Christ . But the bad news is it all happened way to soon . He had so much ahead of him . This man and his team had prayed me back to life more times than I could keep track of . Sadly I have so many stories of people that passed away to soon and people who took part in helping me fight , people who helped me live . I 'm not going to sit here and try to give some Christian cliche to try to explain it all . Because the truth is I don 't know why this happened , I don 't know why it happened to Kim or the 6 - 7 other people I knew who lost their lives these past few Years . But One thing it did teach me once again , is how precious life is ! I know you are all sick of hearing me say that by now , but it truly is . It also reminded me how even in the midst of a storm my God is still faithful ! When your someone like me , whose been battling life for Thirty Years . After awhile it becomes your normalcy . And after awhile no matter how serious things get you just assume or expect to make it through . Because you have made it so many times before . After awhile it 's almost like you become numb to the reality of how serious you 're health is . And it wasn 't until all these people had passed that I truly realized how fast life can be taken from us . Truly in a heart beat you could just be gone ! ! And I 've realized that more lately than I ever had . ( Mark 13 : 32 - 37 ) " But no one knows about that day or hour . Not even the angels in heaven know . The Son does not know . Only the Father knows . Keep watch ! Stay awake ! You do not know when that time will come . It 's like a man going away . He leaves his house and puts his servants in charge . Each one is given a task to do . He tells the one at the door to keep watch . " So keep watch ! You do not know when the owner of the house will come back . It may be in the evening or at midnight . It may be when the rooster crows or at dawn . He may come suddenly . So do not let him find you sleeping . What I say to you , I say to everyone . ' Watch ! ' " I had so many mixed emotions when they were wheeling me off to Surgery . In one breathe I was relaxed and calm . Because any time I kept thinking negatively . The Lord would give me visions , of me waking up after Surgery and being perfectly fine . In the visions I seen I was ok but yet I kept thinking of all these people I knew this year who believed just as strongly as I did and who were gone . Even in that very moment of me getting ready for Surgery . I had Doctors on every end of my Bed . Basically explaining all the different ways I could die ! It took them exactly Fifteen Minutes to explain Six different ways that I could die , or be stuck on machines for Months , to where I 'd still eventually die ! I mean we were so sure this time that some thing could actually happen . That I even made a list of all my Personal information , like passwords to all my accounts and where I had placed certain things . That 's how much I let fear grip me . And I have to admit after Surgery I was pretty disappointed in myself . Disappointed that I allowed myself to think such negative things and most importantly that I allowed the devil to almost win . It was also very confusing because like I said . I had all these Doctors and my family preparing me for the worst . But yet every time I closed my eyes and pictured what life would be like after Surgery . I was perfectly fine , I was better than fine , I was better than I had ever been after a Surgery . Every time I 'd start crying or I 'd get scared , the Lord would give me that same vision . I just could not get that vision of me waking up laughing and talking and being perfectly fine , out of my head . I kept telling the Lord , Lord I don 't get it . All these people are telling me I 'm basically dying but yet all you keep showing me is life ! Even when they placed me on the operating table , I went to start crying again and I couldn 't because this wave of peace just came over me and all of a sudden I kept hearing a song ( it is well with me ) play in my head and every time I 'd close my eyes I 'd see myself waking up after Surgery and being totally fine . In the vision I could even hear myself saying : I don 't get it , this was supposed to be one of the worse Surgeries I 've had , but yet I am totally fine I 'm not even drowsy from the anesthesia ! ( Lyrics to the Second song by Unspoken that I mentioned earlier . That I felt was perfect for this article . So I just had to share them too , and again I encourage you all to go get this album . It ministered to me so much this week ) When I came out of Surgery I experienced the exact same things the Lord showed me in that vision , even down to saying what I heard myself say about how amazed I was that I wasn 't drowsy . When I woke up I was totally fine , I wasn 't in pain , I wasn 't drowsy , I wasn 't anything but myself . When I went in to Surgery they told me to expect to wake up in the ICU ( Intensive Care Unit ) but because I did so well after Surgery they ended up bringing me straight to a regular room ! Not only did they bring me to a regular room , but they also told me , I was doing so good they felt I could have probably gone home if I wanted to . Thank God they didn 't actually send me home , because I did end up having a small reaction about Fifteen , Sixteen Hours after the Surgery . But even the reaction I had , had nothing to do with the Surgery . It more had to do with the fact that I had gone so long without eating or drinking or taking my medications that I take on a regular basis . That My body just kind of spiraled out of control for a Minute . I had gotten so sick before Surgery that I went without eating anything for a good Four Days ! So between not eating or drinking or taking any of my meds . Things just kind of caught up to me . But as far as the Surgery went , I was One Hundred percent fine . Me and my Family and even my Doctors were on top of the world . They were just as relieved as I was and once again they all just shook their heads wondering how I did this once again . How did I fight sickness and death again ? They all keep telling me how strong and how much of a miracle I am and I agree my life is a miracle . But as far as me " Jackie Yafanaro " being a miracle . Heck no , I 'm no miracle , but I do know the miracle maker and that 's my Lord Jesus Christ . He is my life support and he continually saves me and keeps me breathing and because of that I will never doubt ! I may not understand why I keep living when all these other people around me passed away . But like I said in my last article . I do not need to have all the answers . When my time finally does come and I do see my kings face . I 'm sure all those questions will be answered , but for now , I not only believe , but I know he is faithful and even during times of uncertainty he 's still faithful . Sure I may have a lot of questions about certain things but I don 't and never will have doubt . How could I after all he 's done for me and all I 've experienced in life . There are so many people in this world who I see who are focusing their time on nonsense , who are letting fear take hold of them and hiding behind pointless garbage . And it is so sad to see because I just want to say , if you 'd only trust . That 's all it comes down to , trust . I know I said that in my last article too , but again I 'll say . As simple as that sounds that truly is what it 's about TRUST , trust even during your storm . He loves us so much and I feel it more now than I ever have . . times so short don 't waste a second of it . Get beyond your fears and doubts and do what your called to . Ok guys just a few announcements before I go . As I himted earlier in the article I am writing and publishing a book and I am planning to begin the publishing stage at the beginning of the new Year . But as I have said before publishing a book is not cheap LOL . Thankfully because of the amazing Birthday party my family had for me in August . I was able to raise a little more then half the funds I need for the book . So now I truly am SOOOOOO CLOSE ! ! ! So if anyone that reads this could find it in their Hearts to become a part of my Patreon Campaign I 'd really appreciate it . The Patreon campaign is basically a partnership . There 's different dollar amounts you can commit to giving . There 's one as low as $ 5 . 00 and what I like about this program is , it is not just about giving , it 's about giving and receiving . To all those who commit to giving . There are different prizes / gifts you all get in return for giving . For example : Anyone who commits to donating $ 50 a Month . I will send you a THE - BOOK - OF - ROO magnet , a OI CAN DO ALL THINGS wristband and I will give some Perfectly Posh Products . That 's just the $ 50 level rewards but there 's some other great rewards on the site too ( plus anyone who joins no matter how much they commit to giving . They will automatically be among the first to receive my book ) So check it out Patreon Partnership Page . THE - BOOK - OF - ROO has options now ! If you all are looking for a way to reach me on a more personal level , or maybe want to send a cash donation you can do that now . Please send any cards / Letters / Gifts to this PO Box . PO BOX : THE - BOOK - OF - ROO I THINK THATS IT FOR TODAY . IF I DO NOT SEE YOU ALL BEFORE THE HOLIDAYS PLEASE HAVE A BLESSED AND MERRY CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEARS . . THANKS FOR READING AND SUPPORTING ME AND THE - BOOK - OF - ROO . GOD BLESS AND PLEASE REMEMBER KEEP SHINING FOR CHRIST . BECAUSE HE NOT ONLY LOVES YOU , BUT ADORES YOU . ALSO PLEASE REMEMBER IF YOU NEED PRAYER I AND THE - BOOK - OF - ROO READERS ARE HERE TO PRAY . JUST STOP BY OUR PRAYER PAGE AND POST YOUR PRAYER REQUEST AND I PROMISE WE WILL PRAY 😇 ALSO PLEASE REMEMBER AS I SAID EARLIER , RUNNING THIS WEBSITE AND WRITING / PUBLISHING A BOOK DOES ALL COST MONEY TOO . SO IF YOUR FEELING LED DURING THIS HOLIDAY SEASON PLEASE DONATE TO MY SITE . ITS VERY EASY TO DO . WE HAVE MANY OPTIONS NOW BUT THE EASIEST OPTION IS JUST TO CLICK THE " DONATE " BUTTON AND FILL OUT THE FORM , THATS IT . PLEASE KNOW I AM GRATEFUL FOR EACH AND EVERY DONATION THAT COMES IN NO MATTER IF ITS THROUGH THE PATREON PAGE , PO BOX OR PAYPAL . GOD BLESS , I LOVE YOU ALL AND MORE IMPORTANTLY JESUS LOVES YOU . KEEP ON SHINING FOR CHRIST ❤️ Hi all . Boy has it been an eventful few months ! Let 's start with the good stuff first . I had a Birthday ! ! ! I am officially 30 years old ! OMG ( oh my gosh ) does it feel good to be 30 . I had a huge celebration with my family and loved ones . The festivities began with My parents along with my siblings throwing me a 30th surprise party ! So that was so much fun . 80 people were invited and over 100 showed up LOL ( Gotta love my neighborhood ) LOL . All my family came in from out of town to celebrate with me . It was so much fun and such a blessing to have shared that moment with the people who truly love me and who I love . Each person that was there , truly were people who made an impact in my life . I am so grateful to each and every person who took time out of their busy lives to celebrate such a huge , important and special Day . It was so amazing entering that restaurant and seeing pictures of me from birth till now all over the place and then seeing that the theme of the party was GOLD ( I think you can all figure out why the theme was GOLD ) LOL . Of course seeing all that meant the world to me , but what meant more to me then anything , is seeing the hearts of everyone around me . Seeing how important it was to my family to do some thing that would bless me , seeing them crying and laughing and just , the pure joy and accomplishment we all felt in that moment . Thankfulness is the only word I can think of to describe it all . Thankful to have lived 30 years , thankful to have a family who truly loves and supports me , thankful for having parents who love me so much that they would truly breathe for me if they could . This was not just a Birthday for me , this was a goal achieved , this was the proof of how AMAZING God is . I mean even my own Doctor called me and said how amazing this Birthday was for me , and how he himself don 't understand how I 've lived 30 Years . As you all know , when I was born I was not supposed to live Ten Days ! Ten Days people ! But yet I just celebrated , no scratch that because I don 't fully like using the term " Celebrated " . Because me turning 30 is so much more then a " Celebration " , it 's an accomplishment ! I just accomplished 30 years of life . When I was continually being told I was going to die . I have been going through some major , major medical issues , and honestly I 'm being told once again that I 'm running out of options and I could possibly die . The Night before my surprise party , and also that Morning . I was extremely , extremely sick and the Morning of my party , I even made the comment . I felt so bad that there was no way I was moving off the Livingroom floor . I told my family you all go do what you want . I don 't care what you say I feel like crap Today so I 'm not leaving this floor ( I obviously didn 't know about the party yet ) LOL . Later that Day my Mom talked me into taking a bath . After my bath my meds had kicked in a little and my niece was at my house along with a few other cousins . So since I started feeling better my Mom then talked me into taking a " walk " . She said lets go take the kids to the park to run off some steam . Because they were starting to get , in the words of my Grandfather " Rambunctious " , LOL , so I agreed to go for a walk . It was awesome even my 5 year old niece was in on this scheme , the little snot , ( obviously I 'm joking people ) LOL . She was screaming park , I can 't wait to go to the park , please can we go ? Of course they all know no matter how crappy I feel , I 'm going to give in to her . The only time I say no to her is if I 'm puking and physically cant function LOL . So we head to the " park " and some how half way up the street as were walking to the " park " my Mom makes a fast u - turn and ended up in the back of my cousins restaurant . Where all my family and friends were waiting , and of course at that point the jig was up LOL . So we had the party and then of course continued on with a yearly August / Birthday tradition " THE FEAST " . For those who do not know , " the feast " is an Italian / religious festival that 's in my neighborhood . This festival or as they call it " Feast " . FYI ( they get very offended when you call it a festival . So to all those ( Neighborhood people ) who read this , I 'm not calling it that to be disrespectful . Just trying to explain to the " outsiders " what it 's like LOL ) " The Feast " is always celebrated in August and it 's always around or on my Birthday . It is always centered around the 15th of August . It either starts or ends on that Day every Year and it is called a religious holiday because it 's all about honoring Mary ( Jesus Mom ) . This " Feast " lasts for Four Days . So we had Four Days of festivities , and most of my out of town family decided to stay since they were already in town for my party . On top of all that I also did some other really fun stuff but I won 't bore you with every detail , but bottom line is . I had one amazingly fun not just Birthday , but BirthMonth ( I know I 'm spoiled ) LOL During all that , if that wasn 't amazing enough . The Lord blessed me even more ! From April to now . I have been listening to this lady named Joy Enriquez , her album " The Call " . During all of April , May , June and July I just could not stop listening to this album . Then when my medical issues started getting worse and I went through that whole NG tube thing that I mentioned to you all in the last blog I wrote . ( Link to previous blog ) her album was a huge part of what got me through all that . Like I told you all in the last blog . That whole experience was intense and was definitely a struggle for me to not only get through but get over . And after all that went down I had a lot of sleepless Nights , and a lot of time where I just spent one on one time with God . Because I was like Wow ok Lord what the heck just happened ? Did I really go through all that ? And why ? I had a lot of unanswered questions and truthfully a lot of anger in me . I was very angry that the Lord didn 't do anything to stop all that from taking place . I felt like he just sat back and let all that happen . But like I said in the last blog . He gave me the answers I so desperately needed to understand all that , and as I said before , I did make my peace with it all . So I 'm not going to repeat myself and explain all that again , but for those who did not read my previous blog . Go read it and hear about all the things God brought me through . Joy Enriquez album " The Call " was a huge blessing for me and almost was like a form of therapy . The majority of the songs on that album are all about trials and how we may be weak but he is strong . After I realized how much that album blessed and impacted me . I said : ok Lord I have to get this woman 's attention and I have to feature her on my website . Thats just the beginning of the song " Conquer " , but look the rest up its beautiful . Then there 's another song called " Walking on Water " and of course the song I feature in the interview , " Shelter " and their all about when the storms rage don 't worry because he 's got you . So let whatever happen because he has the final say . These songs were truly what got me through these past few Months . Because I 'll be honest there were times I was not sure I could keep doing this . My body was ( and still is ) exhausted and there were so many Nights I just kept crying out to God , looking for answers . And I 'd put on these songs and they would minister to me so much . And every time when I 'd get done listening I 'd realize . I 'm ok because I don 't need to know all the answers . All I need to know is that when I call on him he 's going to be there . My life story is all living proof that when you call on him and surrender to his will and just trust . I know I say that in my blogs so much , but that truly is what it 's all about TRUST . ( Proverbs 3 : 5 - 6 ) Trust in the Lord with all your heart , and do not lean on your own understanding . In all your ways acknowledge him , and he will make straight your paths . When you fully surrender to his will and fully understand how to have a child like heart , and trust God like that . I promise you , every bit of anger , exhaustion and fear , will just melt away . Because when you trust like that he 's going to come running with open arms , and he 's going to take whatever negative feelings your having and wipe them away . Our problem is we want to analyze everything to much and we expect to much . We have it in our heads the way we think our lives our supposed to go and the Minute that vision gets rattled a little bit . We don 't know how to react , what to do or where to turn . ( John 15 : 16 ) You did not choose me , but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide , so that whatever you ask the Father in my name , he may give it to you . I think that scripture sums it up pretty well don 't you ? I got side tracked so let me reign this in LOL . After the Lord used these songs to minister to me I knew I had to contact Joy . But after I did research on her and realized how big she was and all that she 's accomplished . I 'll be honest I was a little intimidated and thought . There is no way a lady in her position is going to take someone like me serious LOL . There 's no way she even has time for me . Not only is she this huge singer who as a kid was on Star Search , but has also been on numerous other tv shows / movies . I mean the first picture I found when doing my research . Was her posing with Smokey Robinson . Let 's not forget who her husband is too . He 's a huge Producer and song writer himself and has worked with numerous , very well known artists like , Mariah Carey , Whitney Houston , Beyoncé , Justin Bieber , Janet Jackson , Michael Jackson , Mary J Blige . I mean that is just a few of the people he 's worked with . So why in the world would his wife and himself want to allow little ol me , not only interview her , but also feature her music on my site . It 's a lot to get these people to trust you to let you use their songs . Because so many people in this world take this thing called the Internet for granted . And they take artists like her and plaster their songs all over the web . So for them to trust that I would not do that I know is big , and because she trusted me . If or when she reads this . I just want to say thank you . I never imagined you 'd say yes to this interview . But then to also agree to allow me to interview you over the phone and not just through email , made it that much sweeter ! The Lord definitely used you during this interview Joy , because it could not have come at a better time . When I first contacted her like I said : I assumed shed agree to just interviewing her via email . I gave her the option to do skype or email , but I assumed shed choose email because only one other artist ever agreed to doing a Skype interview and honestly , well umm then that artist never showed up for the actual interview LOL . So I thought for sure a lady with her background would never allow anything more then a interview via email , and even that I thought was a long shot . But I believe Gods hands were on this and I believe Joy was obediant in allowing God to use her . Because doing this interview taught me so much . When I realized who she really was . I so wanted to back out , because I was so imbaressed . I was like there is no way I can take up a lady as important as her time . She has 4 kids and this huge career and I 'm just going to Facebook her and say : hey Im Jackie , I love music so can I interview you from my bedroom computer ? ? LOL . A little awkward don 't you think ? LOL But the Lord has been pushing me to go out of my comfort zone a lot lately and I knew he was using this situation to do that once again . So as fearful as I was and as stupid as I felt I just kept telling myself , it 's ok you can do this , you can do this LOL . The good thing was once I got on the phone with Joy Enriquez I realized right away that she had a heart of GOLD and my fears were put at ease the second we started talking . ( The only fear left at that point was my fear of Cameras LOL ) . Ok that was the good stuff for August , now the bad stuff . As I briefly mentioned earlier in this blog . I have been struggling with a lot of medical issues . As I think I mentioned in a previous blog . I have a pocket of fluid that keeps forming in my belly . That pocket of fluid along with a few other issues in my belly keep making me very sick . I keep getting extremely nauseated and can barely eat , and I have extreme headaches . You see what 's happening is . Like I told you all before , my body may be small but all my organs are 30 year old organs . Plus I have a lot of major deformities ( severe Scoliosis ) and then on top of that . I still have a huge amount of scar tissue that 's basically destroying my stomach and everything in that area . so in a nutshell everything is literally being crushed ! Everything 's so overcrowded now that there isnt any room for my shunt to function properly . Remember the Shunt is what drains the Cerebrospinal fluid that continually builds up in and around my brain . The Shunt sucks that fluid up and drains it out into my stomach . But because there is literally no room left in my stomach . The fluid is now getting stuck in all the scar tissue , and is basically forming its own Bubble or Shell ( pocket of fluid ) . So the big question now is . If I 'm running out of room in my own body to even hold a thin tube , then what do I do ? ? I have a few options it 's not a completely hopeless situation , nor is it a death sentence . But at the same time , the options that are available to me are very risky . I 'll be honest none of the options are good options and it 's all scary to think about . But at the same time , that 's what my entire life has been about , " Scary situations " . Like I told my family and primary Doctor . I 'm not going to avoid what I need to do just because it 's scary or dangerous . My entire life has been about danger . So I will keep fighting , praying and believing , and will continue to figure out the smartest and safest way to treat all this . But at the same time , I 'm not just going to sit on my hands avoiding the big questions and do nothing . I haven 't done that in 30 years so I will not start now ! The 30 curse ! a lot of people do not know this , but in the world of OI ( Osteogenesis Imperfecta ) 30 is thought of as a " curse " . Because not only do the majority of people not even see 30 , but the closer they get to it , and the ones that achieve it , go through hell ! ( Excuse the H word can 't think of any other word to use LOL ) I have had so many conversations with both men and woman asking me aren 't you worried about turning 30 ? Aren 't you scared your bones are going to get weaker , or your going to get sicker ? The answer I have is no , I 'm not scared of any of that . The reality is yes I am following in those foot steps . I mean look at all the medical issues I just told you guys about . So I 'm not going to deny that yes the older I get the more challenging things become , but why does that make me special ? That 's life . The older anyone gets the more challenging life gets . I choose to not let OI take anymore then it already has , I choose to look at 30 as an accomplishment and blessing , not a curse . And whatever challenges I face along the way , I choose to look at that as being life . You have your ups and your downs , your joys and sorrows . I choose to not look for an escape goat , and instead face things head on . Because through Christ I can do all things and with him comes victory . ( Deuteronomy 20 : 4 ) For the LORD your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory . " So when you read scriptures like that and when you know Your covered by the blood and know that when he died for you he not only saved you , but broke any curse that was ever placed ! Just keep fighting and moving forward . LIke I said before , we have it in our heads how we imagine our life to go , but it 's not about what we want . It 's about him and the more we accept that , the easier life 's going to be . ( Jeremiah 29 : 11 ) For I know the plans I have for you , " declares the Lord , " plans to prosper you and not to harm you , plans to give you hope and a future . I promise you if you keep fighting and trusting him , you will achieve victory . I 'm going to leave you with this last scripture verse ( Job 23 : 10 ) But he knows the way that I take ; when he has tested me , I will come forth as GOLD . ( Thank you Pasor Fah for that verse 😜 ) Ok guys just one last thing . I hope you all remember I am writing and publishing a book and as I have said that all is not cheap LOL . Thankfully because of the amazing birthday party my family threw me . I was able to raise a little more than half the funds I need for the book . So now we truly are SOOOOOO CLOSE ! ! ! So if anyone that reads this could find it in their hearts to become a part of my Patreon campaign I 'd really appreciate it . The Patreon campaign is basically a partnership . There 's different dollar amounts you can commit to giving . There 's one as low as $ 5 . 00 and what I like about this website is its not just about giving , but it 's about giving and receiving . To all those who commit to giving . There are different prizes / gifts you all get in return for giving . For example : Anyone who commits to donating $ 50 a Month . I will send you a THE - BOOK - OF - ROO magnet , a OI CAN DO ALL THINGS wristband and I will give some Perfectly Posh Products . That 's just the $ 50 level rewards but there 's some other great rewards on the site too so check it out . Patreon Partnership Page THE - BOOK - OF - ROO has options ! If you all are looking for a way to reach me on a more personal level , or maybe want to send a cash donation you can do that now . Please send any cards / Letters / Gifts to this PO Box . PO BOX : THE - BOOK - OF - ROO I THINK THATS IT FOR TODAY , I APOLOGIZE FOR SUCH A LONG ARTICLE , BUT I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT . . THANKS FOR READING AND SUPPORTING ME AND THE - BOOK - OF - ROO . GOD BLESS AND PLEASE REMEMBER KEEP SHINING FOR CHRIST . BECAUSE HE NOT ONLY LOVES YOU , BUT ALSO ADORES YOU . ALSO PLEASE REMEMBER IF YOU NEED PRAYER I AND THE - BOOK - OF - ROO READERS ARE HERE TO PRAY . JUST STOP BY OUR PRAYER PAGE AND POST YOUR PRAYER REQUEST AND I PROMISE WE WILL PRAY 😇 ALSO PLEASE REMEMBER RUNNING THIS WEBSITE AND WRITING / PUBLISHING A BOOK DOES ALL COST MONEY TOO . SO IF YOUR FEELING LED PLEASE DONATE TO MY SITE . ITS VERY EASY TO DO JUST CLICK THE " DONATE " BUTTON AND FILL OUT THE FORM , THATS IT . PLEASE KNOW I AM GRATEFUL FOR EACH AND EVERY DONATION THAT COMES IN NO MATTER IF ITS THROUGH THE PATREON PAGE , PO BOX OR PAYPAL . GOD BLESS . I LOVE YOU ALL AND MORE IMPORTANTLY JESUS LOVES YOU . KEEP ON SHINING ❤️ EVEN THOUGH I WALK THROUGH THE DARKEST VALLEY , I WILL FEAR NO EVIL , FOR YOU ARE WITH ME ; YOUR ROD AND YOUR STAFF , THEY COMFORT ME . YOU PREPARE A TABLE BEFORE ME IN THE PRESENCE OF MY ENEMIES . YOU ANOINT MY HEAD WITH OIL ; MY CUP OVERFLOWS . SURELY YOUR GOODNESS AND LOVE WILL FOLLOW ME ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE , AND I WILL DWELL IN THE HOUSE OF THE LORD FOREVER Hi all . I been trying to think of things to write about and I had been praying and praying but the LORD had given me nothing , and so that is why I have not wrote , because I told you all from day one I only want to be writing what GOD lays on my heart to write , and so all week , really all month I felt guilty for not writing , and for some reason that kept ringing in my ear over and over and than all of a sudden a question popped in my head , I wonder how many days I actually have lived this far ? ? ? excuse my language but I suck at math and so I immediately went to my facebook for the answer and I said : I GOT A VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION FOR ALL THE SMART FACEBOOK PEOPLE . HOW MANY DAYS EQUALS 28 YEARS , I NEED THE ANSWER ASAP . LOL Of course my amazing facebook friends and family immediately responded and we came up with 10 , 227 days ! ! ! when I seen that number I just could not help but see a miracle . I was told over and over , you will be dead in 10 days , or you will be dead in 6 months , 1 year , 2 years and so on and so on . But I am here celebrating my 28th year on this earth , and in doing that I just could not let this day go by without saying , no matter what Love always wins . He always wins , which is why I chose psalms 23 : 4 - 6 because I have lived those scripture verses out more than once . Than the answer finally came to me . When A lot of people see me , I know what they see , I am not dumb , and I definitely know what they may say : How can she give GOD so much credit ? how can she talk about freedom ? look at her she suffers every day of her life , and barely can move but yet says she 's grateful to GOD and says she 's free ? how is she free when she is tied down by two diseases every day ? ? I am here to tell you , if anyone thinks that , which lets be honest with ourselves , I know theres one or two in the bunch who do think that , and thats ok your human , but I am here to tell you , your one hundred percent wrong ! ! ! . O . I ( Osteogenesis Imperfecta ) and Hydrocephalus do not tie me down , I have been set free from them . You maybe thinking I am crazy for saying that , because to you being set free means the sickness must be totally gone , but I am here to tell you I don 't agree . I agree GOD can heal anyone and anything , but freedom doesn 't always mean healing in the natural . through the darkest valley , I will fear no evil , for you are with me your rod and your staff , they comfort me , and well you know the rest of that scripture 🙂 Jeremiah 29 : 11 says : For I know the plans I have for you , " declares the Lord , " plans to prosper you and not to harm you , plans to give you hope and a future . It does not say that scripture holds true to only the " healthy " it says : For I know the plans I have for you . GOD has a plan a destiny for each and every one of us , we just have to be willing to have the willpower and stamina to fight for and with the LORD to obtain that destiny . The LORD never said life would be easy , he just said it be worth it . A fast update before I end the book is almost done , and I really could use any donations your willing to give , because publishing a book is going to cost money , money I do not have LOL so please help support my dream and thanks in advance to anyone who does . remember if you want to give a donation just click on our facebook tab and than donate , or you could send it by clicking this button Also please most importantly pray ! pray for this book , pray for me , pray for this website , just pray ! ! ! ! please pray ! ! ! LOL . Hi all I am back ! ! ! LOL ( laugh out loud ) I am so so sorry I haven 't wrote in almost a year ! But I have a good reason why I haven 't wrote and for once it has nothing to do with my health , thank you JESUS ! ! ! . So the big announcement ! ! ! ! where has Jackie been for almost a year , if she was not sick ? ? ? ? Jackie has been working her butt off , thats where she 's been LOL . As you all know , my one dream and one of the reasons I even started this website , was to write my own book . so thats what I have been doing over the past , id say 9 months . I have been writing a book and it hasn 't been easy LOL . WHERE DID OUR COMPASSION GO ? ? ? ? I felt GOD laying that question on my heart a few months ago , when I experienced two incidents on facebook . One incident was a good one and one was a more negative one . I will share the negative one first , one day I shared something on my THE - BOOK - OF - ROO facebook page . For the record I love him and his ministry , and I do all I can to support it , but that is not the point or moral of this story . Kim Clement for those of you who do not know of him , he is a prophet , yes you heard me right , a prophet ! LOL . I know there are many debates over prophets , and who believes in them and who doesn 't , but I am not here to get in to that debate with you , so no one start sending me letters debating on if you think this guys a man of GOD or not , because frankly I don 't care what you all think about him LOL . I am mentioning this , not because of the prophet , but because of the kid in this photo , and how some of you reacted when you seen this kid . The sad thing of when I posted this , not one person stepped up and said : what can I do ? , or even a , I will pray for this boy . All most of them focused on , is where the post had originated from , and what that guy ( Kim Clement ) stood for . That is so sad to me , I want to throw up just thinking about it . Have we become so religious that we forgot what we stand for ? ? ? Jeremiah 9 : 1 says : Oh , that my head were a spring of water and my eyes a fountain of tears ! I would weep day and night for the slain of my people . This is how we should be towards our people . GOD created us to be able to look in every direction , he did not create us to just look straight ahead . I hate to mention her again , but here I go LOL . I love the meaning of Beckah Shaes love glasses and I love how in her own creative way she 's teaching kids every day to look with love . I am begging you all wear those love glasses , don 't look at things with such anger and judgement , but look at them with LOVE . Because there was no one that had a more compassionate heart than Jesus did , He gave his life for us , because he felt compassion for his people . He was willing to endure all that pain so we would not have to . Who other than Jesus would do that ? ? Im not saying to give your all , but I do think its about time we stop having that one track mind mentality and , that we start looking to the right and to the left and start seeing the pain that people are enduring around us , and I feel its time we start shinning the light in those dark places . And when I seen what was on my search engine , I started cracking up . This is what it says , it says : the " me generation " is characterized by material things . It is time we get out of the " me generation " and start being what GODS called us to be . Colossians 3 : 12 says : Therefore , as God 's chosen people , holy and dearly loved , clothe yourselves with compassion , kindness , humility , gentleness and patience . Thats what were supposed to be kind , compassionate , gentle , patient , love , Thats what GOD has called us to be . So stop looking at your own situation , your own desires , and look at what GODS called you to be . Last year when I was in the hospital , GOD was showing me again a situation , where compassion was lost . this was april of last year , I was having a very minor surgery on my arm , I wasn 't even admitted , I came home an hour after it , but while I was there and they were prepping me to go in to surgery , there was two other patients , one was to the left of me and one was in front of me . The one to the left of me was a young teen maybe 14 at the most , and my heart broke for him , he was just about to go in to surgery for what I think was some type of exploratory operation . His bed was right next to mine and they did have the curtains closed , but with it being so close to me , it was hard not to over hear the situation , and the situation was this , the kid was in foster care , and you could just see the anger in this kid and you could see how unloved and hopeless he felt , and yet because he was only in his early teens , you could see the fear in him about going in to surgery . And all you could see that this kid wanted , was someone to show him some compassion and love , he had absolutely no one there with him but a caseworker , and the caseworker was not very heartfelt , or compassionate towards his situation . You could see he was just a job to her and worse , I could see he seen it too . I don 't know the outcome of that kids surgery , when I came out of my surgery , he was gone , But ever since that day , I been praying for kids that are in his shoes , and praying that one day things will change , and people will learn to be more compassionate towards kids like that . There was another kid in a bed in front of me , she probably was not even seven years old , and she had a FIRST PRAYER REQUEST IS FROM A MOTHER , HER NAMES FRAN , SHE SAYS : My 19 year old has fallen into the humanism School of thought . He 's been raised in a Christian home , made his profession of faith at a young age . He is at a Christian camp right now where many of the leaders are praying for him . Pray for a strong piercing transformation while he 's there , that Jesus would reveal himself to my son Blake . Please pray for my girlfriend Angel and I . My girlfriend Angel and I haven 't talked to each other in about a week . I am not to sure what is going on with us . We have known each other for about 5 years and have been going out for 5 months . Things were going good between us as far as I knew before Angel moved . After Angel moved I tried to hang out with her at times , but Angel kept telling me that she was busy and didn 't have time to see or hang out with me . Angel does have 3 kids and recently hurt her arm and shoulder having her arm in a sling . Angel has told me that she does care about me , that I am a wonderful guy and that she wants to work things out between us . Lately it seems like she is either to busy or doesn 't want to hang out with me . I have been for the past week trying to give her some space and only sent her an email apologizing for possibly being a little to pushy maybe and bothering her by trying to hang out with her and find out what 's going on . I do like and care about her a lot and would like things to work out with her . I know that 2 of her kids have said that they don 't have a problem with me and that it doesn 't bother them when I am over their house visiting . Yes , Angel could be busy , but I find it a little hard to think that for the past couple weeks to a month that she is so busy that she can 't find anytime to hang out or let me come over and visit for at least 15 minutes . I would like for us to be in an open , honest relationship and have it work out . I also know that her kids father doesn 't care for me and has complained about me to Angel . I know her kids don 't like to listen to well and her oldest daughter is a little bit of a problem child . Please pray for healing for Angel , her kids and I . Pray that our relationship can be mended and saved from falling apart . That we can get through the storms and trails in our life together . Also , that we can be open and honest with each other . Pray that Angel will start showing more that she does care and want to be with me like she sayWELL THATS ALL THE PRAYER REQUESTS AND THATS ABOUT ALL I HAVE TO SHARE FOR TODAY , BUT I AM GLAD TO BE BACK AND HOPEFULLY I HAVE NOT LOST YOU ALL AND YOUR ALL STILL HERE LOL . BEFORE I END I JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING ME AND THIS SITE FOR THE PAST TWO YEARS ALMOST THREE YEARS NOW , WHICH I CANNOT BELIEVE WERE CLOSE TO HITTING OUR THIRD YEAR , BUT IM THANKFUL THAT WE ARE AND IM THANKFUL THAT YOU ALL KEEP READING AND SUPPORTING ME . BEFORE I END PLEASE REMEMBER TO STOP BY ROO ' S TREASURES AND PICK UP YOUR O . I CAN DO ALL THINGS BRACELETS , THERE A GREAT STOCKING STUFFER HEHEHE . It says : it is a predetermined course of events . So heres what I get out of it , yes GOD holds our destiny , but we determine our steps , which than determines what GOD does . Proverbs 6 : 32 says : But a man who commits adultery has no sense ; whoever does so destroys himself . The point im trying to make is that people take choices in life for granted , but our choices are what makes us . People my age always give excuses and when they make the wrong choice they say : oh well im young , or im just having a little fun , or the best one I have heard them say is , im trying to find myself . Hearing that kind of crap kills me , because its not that easy or that simple your choices effect your future , your destiny . Philippians 3 : 18 - 19 says : For , as I have often told you before and now tell you again even with tears , many live as enemies of the cross of Christ . Their destiny is destruction , their GOD is their stomach , and their glory is in their shame . Their mind is set on earthly things . Listen I dont know the president personally and so I dont know whats in that mans heart and either do any of you , there are many , many evil people in this world , im not saying the president is one of those people , but lets just say for a minute that he is , ok than what ? ? ? do you really think that one man can change the course of our destiny ? ? no only GOD and our flesh can change the course of our destiny . Which brings me to my next point , what have you done in your own life to make a difference in this world ? ? what have you sacrificed ? No matter if you agree with Obamas decisions and choices or not , you can not deny that man and any other man that has gone before him has not sacrificed their lives to make our country the best it could be , may be they have stumbled along the way a little , but dont we all ? ? Oh but Jackie hes the president he should know better , no hes a human being just like the rest of us , he has flaws just like the rest of us , he has scars just like the rest of us , he bleeds just like the rest of us , and why , because again hes a human being , thats the difference between man and GOD . Thats why Obama is called the president of our country and the LORD is called the LORD over all things . So may be you dont agree with everything , but hey at least the mans trying , im not saying we should all try to be president ok LOL ( laugh out loud ) but im saying every one of us can choose things that can make a difference in this world , but do we always do that ? ? I know I dont , and I think its time that changes , we need to stop being lazy and pull out that armor ! ! Habakkuk 2 : 2 - 3 says : Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it . For the revelation awaits an appointed time ; it speaks of the end and will not prove false . Though it linger , wait for it ; it will certainly come and will not delay . when I read that scripture it reminded me of when I was growing up . You see years ago my dads dream was to start a landscaping company , and his dream was to have a tractor and a red truck and many other things that you obviously need to start a landscaping business , and at the time he had no clue how to make all these dreams come true . He was young , never finished school and definitely did not have many people in his life that could guide or encourage him , all he pretty much had was his faith and GODS word , and my mom LOL ( laugh out loud ) . But that was enough for him , he started his business the same year I was born , which honestly that did not make it any easier . When I was born and both him and my mom realized how sick I was they could of both said hold it , we cant do this , its to risky right now , But they did not walk in fear , they did not let the shock of my birth or the many challenges we faced stop them , they still went through with it , and when they made that choice to start Alpha & Omega landscaping and snowplowing my dad carved a scripture on a plack that said . 1 Samuel 17 : 49 it says : Reaching into his bag and taking out a stone , he slung it and struck the Philistine on the forehead . The stone sank into his forehead , and he fell facedown on the ground . It is talking about David and Goliath . The LORD reminded me of this because he wanted to prove to me once again , how he wants a fearless generation . He wants people that are small and weak in the natural , but that are huge in the spirit to get out there and fight like david . Complaining and expressing your feelings on facebook isn 't fighting for your destiny , GOD wants you to be brave and fearless we need to be a david generation and get out there and fight for our destiny . Anyone that knows me can tell you I have given every ounce that is in me to fight for my destiny and I will continue doing so all the days of my life . GOD BLESS YOU ALL THANKS FOR READING REMEMBER I LOVE YOU AND AM PRAYING FOR YOU ALL AND PLEASE DONT FORGET TO SEND IN YOUR PRAYER REQUESTS TO MY PRAYER REQUEST PAGE . AND REMEMBER JESUS LOVES YOU ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! . Below is the link to bracelets and facebook page FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER Big announcement ! I am starting a subscription box . There 's a few … instagram . com / p / BSlpxFjh7nr - … 2 months ago Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
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Have you ever hit a home run to win the game or score the winning touchdown or got an A on a test or have your parents say they are proud of you ? Well , add all those feelings together and that 's exactly how I feel when someone randomly comes up to me and says the bar looks great . Customers have accepted the new BT into their lives and we couldn 't be happier . We definitely had our share of speed bumps when we first opened but only due to the unbelievable outpour of customers who couldn 't wait one more second to come in . We opened softly right smack in the middle of hurricane Sandy so the customers weren 't the only ones who were done waiting . I couldn 't open fast enough . To all of you who understood the speed bumps of a new staff , new cash register , and just our deer in the headlights look that my brother and I had when we opened the door , I say thank you . Burke 's Tavern is officially open for business ! ! ! ! It feels so good to say it . The first month has been crazy . We 've had about a dozen private parties already and they 're still coming . These parties were off the menu . We 're still getting our feet wet with keeping up with the restaurant demand so we weren 't able to fully offer catering for this holiday season but we 'll be ready after the New Year . We apologize to all the people that couldn 't host their Christmas parties here this year and we thank them for understanding . I stated that every party is important and if I can 't give all my time towards them I have to decline . When we 're ready , please think of us again . I hope everyone 's Thanksgiving was great and I look forward to the holidays . My family has been blessed with a lot to be thankful for and wish all of you a safe and happy holiday . Don 't forget that Burke 's Tavern has great gift ideas such as shirts , shot glasses , pint glasses , beer kozies and stickers . Also , Burkey 's Jerkey is back ! ! Ask your server what flavors we have in stock . They make great stocking stuffers ! I 'll keep everyone updated on the opening of BT 's outside deck when spring gets a little closer . We have a new Events page , which we will be updating frequently , please check it out ! Welcome to the Fall Foliage . It 's already October and Burke 's Tavern is enjoying the fall weather . We are still waiting on water from Pa American Water Company . If you are wondering why so long then call Dave Altmiller and tell him how upset you are at his procrastination . He keeps giving me the run around . I figured I would take this time to give all of you updates on our progress . It 's still very exciting to see the railings go up around the steps and ramps outside . Widmer Sign Company has installed the amazing new Burke 's sign and PPL put in a new power pole in the back parking lot . We also had one light pole moved to the back lot . That being done gave us the green light to excavate the parking lot and landscape around building . By the time you read this , the parking lot in the back will be getting paved and lined . Hopefully I 'll have a few more lights on that brand new pole to shine on the lot . The dumpster will eventually be moved next to shed to have more parking . I also have plans to paint the shed to match the color of the bar . Scranton Craftsmen did a great job with matching the color of the railing with the color of the roof . Pocono Homes and Gardens are responsible for the landscaping which should look fantastic . Now for the inside . The kitchen is almost complete . FJ Hess installed the hood and all the gas appliances . Cintas installed the ansul system ( fire extinguisher above cooking area ) . Both companies were flawless and professional . We still have to hang a couple of shelves and move some equipment around but that 's the fun stuff . The bar area feels like winning the lottery . There are lights and mirrors and point of sale items and decorations . All to be hung in the perfect spots . It 's the fun part about the business . All the vendors want to get the best spots so they compete by bringing nice stuff . My brother and I decided on how to fill the 16 draft spots so now the beer guys are in a frenzy . Pepsi was very generous and helpful in making the decision on soda system . As far as the dining area , it 's full of tables , chairs , booths , bar stools , and arcade games from Hugo 's Amusements just waiting for their final resting places . I 've tried some of the games and they do not disappoint . The kids will love them . The restrooms are almost done . The hand dryers are on order . I 'm trying to be as green as possible in the new place with recycling , hand dryers , recycled paper products , etc . It 's a little more money but I sleep better at night . My policy about writing about people and companies that I have done work with is simple . When they are finished with the contract then I write whether I would use them again or advise other people to use them . If you go back and read the chapters before this one you will understand that I 've had the privilege of working with some great contractors . Well , there is one person who I 've worked with the longest and I have since labeled him my " conscience " . That person is architect Francis Sloan . He 's a man who did not know that architecture was just a small but very important part of the project . He became number 1 on my speed dial , my psychiatrist , my advisor , my sounding board , my stress handler and especially my conscience . He took a lot of abuse , anger and frustration from me and answered it with kindness , understanding and advice . I feel bad for people who hire architects and just get plans . I hired Mr . Sloan and got professional service , a confident advisor , and an asset to Burke 's Tavern and a friend . I 'm not the easiest person in the world to get along with ( especially under these stressful conditions ) but Francis is someone I could count on . I owe what 's left of my sanity to Mr . Sloan and for that I thank him . I have his phone number for anyone who needs a great architect . The big question on everyone 's mind is " when are you opening " ? Well , I 'm sorry that I can 't give a specific date because of the major hurdles that we have to cross yet but I feel we 're at the 30 days or less marker and I 'm happy . I hope all of you are as anxious to see it , as I am to finish it . We have tables . We have chairs . We have a huge bar . We have bathrooms . We have a kitchen . We even have beer . What we don 't have is WATER . Now don 't be shocked because I expected that water would be my white whale . If you 've been keeping up with the chapters you know all the hurdles that I had to go through for all the utilities but I knew water would be the most difficult . The famous vault is in the ground and the plumbing is inside the box and the building . We still need a concrete lid on the vault but the progress is positive . As far as the actual water , this is solely up to Pa American Water Co . and nothing happens fast . They have to drill across 611 and tap into the main which is in front of Rita 's Italian Ice . I 'm excited just to see them do it because it 's done by remote . I 'd like to give a big shout out to A - 1 Auto ( next door ) because without their garden hose we 'd be at a stand still . I can 't wait until Les ( the owner ) and I can have a beer together in the new place so I can thank him . I 'm sorry I can 't give an opening date yet because for as many things that are done there are just as many things that need to be done . For instance , when the water gets here it needs to be flushed and tested . Then , the fire suppression system can be finished . The hood is finished in the kitchen but the ansul system has to be installed . The bathrooms are finished but the partitions have to be installed . The bar is finished but Pepsi has to be installed . The keg walk - in cooler is finished but the draft tower has to be installed . The kitchen equipment is in but still has to be connected . The tables and chairs are in but we 're still waiting on bar stools . All that and then some before we even start ordering supplies and hiring employees . The best answer to " when are you opening ? " is probably the simplest . We 're going to open when everything is done . On a more positive note the bar has exceeded my wildest expectations . The flat - screen TV 's are up and the hardwood floor is down . That 's just the tip of the iceberg . The detail work and woodwork is nothing short of museum - like . I don 't want to give all the secrets away and ruin the surprises but I promise you all that you won 't be disappointed . The details are a lot of work and decorating will be a lot of fun . I hope that when we do have the grand opening that everyone enjoys all of our hard work . It was a group effort and all should celebrate . Stay tuned because it won 't be long now . The definition of exhaustipated is when you are too tired to take a shit ! That 's how I feel folks . We 're into the ninth month after the fire and it 's so close I can taste the cold beer and the reunion of all my friends . It 's just not that simple . Hill after hill I climb and I feel like it gets me nowhere . There are so many factors that I didn 't anticipate when I started the rebuild . Electricity is a perfect example . When I decided to build the bar on the same footprint as before my intentions were simple . 1 . Didn 't need a development plan ( which takes a year ) 2 . Parking would be the same 3 . Electricity would be rehooked up in same spot 4 . It would be quicker . Well 1 out of 4 ain 't bad . In case you were wondering which one I was right about it was number 1 . I told the Borough Council that I didn 't have the money to wait a year for a development plan and they said my only choice was to build in the same spot . After I had the foundation down is when I received a call from the zoning officer saying I could move the building anywhere I wanted . Sounds to me someone found out I could sue the borough for their decision but I didn 't . ( Yet ) It 's when they told me that they weren 't allowing anyone to park in the front of tavern because it was too close to 611 that got my goat . Now the main entrance is in the back of the building . I let that one slide . Then the power issue came up with PP & L . My electricians were ready for power when an engineer came out to the site and said we had the wrong meter box . I said ok and immediately called Friedman Electric to see whom to blame . They said it was their fault and took full responsibility for the issue by crediting my account , getting right one , and even taking extra off for loss of labor . Finally a break and something going my way , right ? Wrong ! Just before I left for vacation I understood that PP & L was going to hook up power in a day or so . Two weeks later I decided to call to see if they forgot where I was located . This is when it all hit the fan . They told me that the building was built too high and that the power lines were too close to it . I 'm looking for Allen Funt ( for you younger people Allen Funt was the host of Candid Camera , maybe Ashton Kutcher is the modern version ? ) . Any who … what the hell were they talking about ? Come to find out I have to add a pole in the back of restaurant so they can reroute the power lines around building and I have to pay for it . Meanwhile I 'm thinking to myself tell this mofo where to go and then realized he 's got me by the short hairs . I said to him through my crocodile smile what if I refuse to do that and he said simply then you don 't get power . Let 's recap my situation . I have power lines above the building that I own that are hot and I can 't tap into unless I buy a $ 3000 . 00 pole and put it in my parking lot . If I choose not to buy the pole then these so called dangerously close lines will stay above the building and I will not get power . EXHAUSTIPATED ! ! ! Don 't worry I paid the $ 3000 . 00 plus talked them in to giving me temporary power until the new pole gets there . I might be down but never out . Let 's talk water now ! ! ! ! ! ! In case anyone was wondering about the size of the new bar well I 'll just say yes it is bigger than the last one . While my ego says go big or go home ( Remember JAMIEPALOOZA ? ) this one cost me a little more than expected . Since the building increased in size and the number of occupants tripled I was required to install a fire suppression system . What 's a fire suppression system ? It 's those little sprinkler heads that you see in the ceiling every 8ft . Those sprinklers are then hooked up to 4in pipes that are pressurized with water . In case of fire I believe that these sprinklers unleash an enema of biblical proportions . Let 's hope I never see that in action . Getting back to this system it requires a huge amount of water capacity . The old place had a water well so I figured for the new place all I have to do is dig another one right ? WRONG ! Since the system required so much reserve water they wanted me to bury a 10ft x 30ft storage tank ( that 's bigger than most pools ) and fill it with water . Then connect to a huge pump in the basement powered by a back - up generator just for the pump . That was their ( fire suppression people ) first suggestion if I went with a well . Their second suggestion was if I can hook up to public water then I wouldn 't need tank or pump . The main water line hook - up is right in front of Rita 's Italian Ice so I 'm thinking I 'm in the clear right ? WRONG ! To go across a state road like RT 611 you must get a permit . That permit takes 2 months . Then when you get permit the water company wants to connect to a vault outside the building . What 's a vault ? A vault is a 7ft deep 12ft wide cement room that goes underground and has a manhole cover . It holds the water meter . I have to pay for the vault . EXHAUSTIPATED ! I know the suspense is killing you so I 'll tell you … . I went with the second . I already got the permit to go across Rt 611 and now I 'm in the middle of negotiating with the water company to put the meter in basement instead of a vault . It 's in their hands now . Now let 's talk tavern . We 're in the drywall and painting stage of the production and it looks great . I went with John Reehl Drywallers and so far they are doing a great job . JR 's a friend of mine so he better ( great guy ) . I 'm anticipating great things from Antoine Goode the painter as well . Check out some of the new pictures on the website . Burke Construction 's making a comeback to do some finishing up inside which includes bar and trim . Very exciting stuff . The Captain has turned on the seatbelt sign , which means I 'm bringing this plane in for a landing . Won 't be long now ! CHAPTER 4 Well , it 's already June and instead of celebrating the start of my summer I 'm stuck waiting for inspectors to continue this rebuild . Who in their right mind grows up to be a building inspector ? I wonder if as a child when he was getting picked on going in for his 2nd swirly in the toilet that was when he told himself " I 'm gonna get all of them back someday when I 'm a building inspector ! " If I knew that I wouldn 't have dunked him a third time ! All kidding aside , it has been a struggle to keep up with new ordinances and codes . I 've learned a great deal how to play the game , I just wish I knew the rules better . I know now that a lot of the new codes are helpful to Joe public but some of them are ridiculous . I 'm taking them in stride but my patience is thinning . The Tavern is coming right along . Just like on the old building , we continued the tradition of having a green metal roof , and we went with the same company who did our first roof , PMH and Sons . It 's nice to drive up over the hill and see a building again ! We finished the vinyl siding thanks to Keith Overmyer Construction . They did a great job . Their work was clean and professional . I would absolutely advise any of my friends to use Keith for any services his construction company does . If anyone wants his number just call me . The outside of the Tavern is almost complete . The deck is finished and I 'm very happy with how it came out . All of you smokers will be very happy with the shed roof I built over part of deck so no one gets wet or weathered . All that 's left outside are the entry steps and ramps . Also , the parking lot but that 's one of the final things to before opening . There 's a couple of landscaping details as well but they are minor . Hopefully by the time this is posted I 'll have the proper permits to continue the inside detail . As of June 2nd the inside has all the electrical and plumbing rough cuts finished . The ductwork for the HVAC is run and continues to be installed as we speak . The heavy equipment such as the furnaces and AC units should be in this week . I decided on using 3 five tons gas fired furnaces for heat . It 's a little more then I needed but splitting the units in 3 was much more efficient and economical . Plus if one unit should go down or need servicing then the other two are plenty to pick up slack . AC I also split in three like the furnaces . BT will have 180000 BTUs of air conditioning . If you 're wondering how the hell am I running all of this then I 'll tell you . I 'm running this on ( 3 ) 200 amp services . Yes you heard ( or read ) that right 600 amps of power aarrr aarr aarr ! ! ! Enough to run six separate houses . If you wondering when you 're reading this that it sounds like I 'm bragging then let me clear it up for you …… YES ! After all is said and done I 've had a good time building this dream Tavern . I can 't wait to show everyone the new logo on shirts and new merchandising stuff . I 'm trying to keep it as quiet as possible but it 's tough when I 'm as excited as you are . The new ( unnamed ) deck is great and everybody 's anticipation is fuel for me to keep going . The bar is especially important to me so I promise I will not disappoint anyone . Your comments on our website and facebook are great . Keep ' em coming ! I 'm not going to give a grand opening date because of how far we still have to go but early August is reachable . More details about the bar and menu will have to wait for chapter 5 . This is your Captain speaking " we still have some time before landing so enjoy the beverages wherever you are , but don 't get comfortable " . Before everyone panics when they read the heading , relax . It has nothing to do with the rebuild but it is something that I need to get off my chest so here it goes . Let me tell you how pathetic Wells Fargo is . . . and more specifically a certain employee in North Carolina , yes I said North Carolina , and for legal reasons let 's call him Tim . I have to explain why Wells Fargo is in the picture to begin with . 12 years ago I took a mortgage out from Wachovia to purchase the tavern . It went very smoothly like a bank transaction should . They took a low - risk loan because the building was their collateral . We continued to pay monthly for 12 years re - financing every 5 years without a hitch . They re - finance after 5 years in commercial accounts ( I don 't know why ) . Since then Wachovia was bought by Wells Fargo . Now that you 're up to speed enter Tim after the fire . When a business burns down the insurance company reimburses the owner the value of the policy but also recognizes the loans you might have out . Legally the insurance company has to include your name and the banks name on the checks when they issue them . It covers the bank because they lost their collateral so the owner doesn 't take money and run . It 's funny when I read this out loud because didn 't we bail them out ! As everyone LOCALLY knows I started the demolition , the foundation dig , the basement , the first floor and framing . So it didn 't take a detective to realize I 'm not taking the money and running . But I was running short on cash so I took the check to Wells Fargo for them to sign off so I can cash it to continue to rebuild . Well Wachovia smooth turned into Wells Fargo bumpy . Remember me ? I 'm the same guy right around the corner who paid his mortgage religiously for 12 years . Everyone in the bank was sorry for my loss and knew I already started rebuilding . The thing that got me was the manager . There I sat in the waiting area for a really long time over something that I thought was going to take seconds . This is when I stopped smiling . The manager came out with her headset on and said she doesn 't have the authority to clear the $ 65 , 000 check I needed to continue . I didn 't know if she was kidding or should I order a big Mac and fries . Well she wasn 't kidding and she told me she emailed " Tim " in North Carolina for further instructions . She then gave me the check back and said she will call me when she finds out more . Then she has the nerve to tell me good luck in the rebuild on the way out . After a week has gone by I paid her another visit at the bank . This time I actually got in her office . She told me that she emailed Tim 3 times and got no response . At this time I 'm looking for Ashton Kutcher to come out and tell me that I 've been punked . Meanwhile I proceed with rebuilding with a lot of promises of paying people when this ridiculousness is settled . I finally talk to Tim from North Carolina and it just hits the fan from there . I 've never talked to a more miserable prick in my career . I can only imagine him in his cubicle with a picture of his ugly wife and 2 . 5 degenerate kids . He has no idea who Burke 's Tavern is or that we burned down or anything . Why should he because he 's 5 f - in states away . This is the guy that I have to talk to to move forward , can you believe it . He says first of all he doesn 't feel sorry for me or for my loss ( now I 'm thinking he 's ugly and fat ) . Then he wants me to fill out forms to re - apply for a Wells Fargo loan to transfer from Wachovia with a cost to me . He keeps telling me that the bank has lost their collateral ( the building ) but what he doesn 't know is I have re - built 40 % back up . That and the land value is way over what we owed . I proved that I wasn 't running but Tim wasn 't hearing it . Good for you Wells Fargo , right after we bailed you out turn your back on an account that has been loyal for 12 years . Then Tim wanted me to get the partial rebuild appraised ( at cost to me ) for him to look at . What ? Why Tim can 't you see it from North Carolina ? This guy was very close to getting a swirly if I got in my car but the 8 - hour drive wasn 't worth it . He finally says just pay off the loan . Finally some honesty , they don 't want me as a customer . Good for you Tim ! I was starting to fear that you didn 't have a pair . Against my accountants wishes of paying the loan off I just wanted out and as far away from this bank as possible . You think it ends there ? WRONG ! ! ! I find out that we have a penalty clause on our loan if we pay it early . Unbelievable ! Well , to make a long story short I went over Tim 's head and got the penalty waived and paid the damn loan off . Good riddance Tim , I really hope our paths cross someday . On a good note , PNC bank has been great ever since . Now let 's get into updates on something a lot more positive … . . the rebuild . The rebuild is going smoothly . Burke Construction is finishing up on the framing and it looks great . Jeremy 's crew was professional , hard working , punctual and ahead of schedule . There are no weak links in his chain of command and everyone brings something to the table . These guys will continue to work for me in the details of the restaurant and the outside deck design . By the time this chapter circulates the doors and windows will be installed . It 's a very exciting time for me to see my vision come to life . I was actually speechless when I saw the bar that has been in my mind every time I close my eyes , for the first time . I can 't wait for all of you to see it . It has surpassed all my expectations . My father said it 's like a locomotive out of control . I say relax , Jack I got the reigns and I 'm not letting go anytime soon ! The famous green metal roof is also making a comeback and will be complete by April 20th . Updated pictures are posted ! There are many more surprises to come so stay tuned for chapter 4 . SLAINTE ! Happy St . Patrick 's Day ! ! ! ! ! ! To all of you out there that were lost on the High Holy Day you were not alone . I , to , had to go up to the site and have a celebratory few beers to cope with the loss of a truly unique Irish Tavern . You were all in my thoughts as I stared at the empty basement remembering the countless great times we spent together . It was enough to relight the fire under my ass ( maybe wrong choice of words ) to continue . I have a bar to build . Well here we are , it 's already spring , and the fight to rebuild Burke 's Tavern continues . I still meet with inspectors , zoning officers , dept . of agriculture and pretty much whoever wants to talk to me . We have a basement with walls and a floor and even the first floor decking finished but much more needs to be done before I sleep . It 's still a very interesting journey . Before I go any further I feel I must turn the clock back a little to March 9th . Two weeks prior to the 9th I did a very risky thing and ordered the walls for the basement to be delivered on the 15th . Why was it risky you ask ? I did it without a permit . I 'm a pretty optimistic person so I figured that was plenty of time to get a permit for the foundation only . I didn 't know at the time that I had to ask either Waldorff or Stadler for the permit ( the Muppets ) . God forbid someone can make a decision in Mt . Pocono that affects anybody ! ! It 's kind of like which line to stand in at the DMV . I found out through personal investigating that you don 't ' need a permit to dig a hole in Mt . Pocono as long as you don 't label it construction . So with my newly found info I proceeded to dig the biggest hole to " bury my dog in " that anyone has ever seen in his or her lives . FYI my dog is still alive . Two days after starting to dig I get a call from the inspector saying he has my permit for just the foundation . Holy shit I had to check if it was my birthday that day and to find out how many birthdays have passed since I f - in asked for it . At least I can stop saying I 'm digging T - rex 's grave lol . Wait till you hear what happened after that . I proceeded to drive down to the inspectors to pick up my freshly printed permit with a smile on my face for finally hearing good news and to my surprise both the inspector and the zoning officer ( Waldorf and Stadler ) were together in the office . I was told after 2 days of digging that the building can be moved anywhere on the property without any trouble from the borough . With my walls already on the way and the Dept . of Transportation approving the plans on the parking lot in Allentown as we speak I wasn 't happy with the news . I 'm sure the brain trust down in the borough figured we can 't take this guys front parking away without him coming at us . It was too late . I couldn 't change plans this late in the game without being delayed tremendously ! That 's what I meant when I was in the first meeting at the borough in November when I made myself perfectly clear that I don 't have the money to wait more than 8 months to build because of lack of insurance . And I said it again in December and January and again in February , are you getting the pattern yet ? So the person who quoted " you can get more with sugar than vinegar " obviously never douched before and I felt particularly dirty . No more Mr . Nice Guy , I got a restaurant to build ! That brings us to today where I wait impatiently for the next permit to be issued for building the first floor . I 'd like to take this time to reflect on the people that I have had the pleasure of dealing with in the rebuild . My father always said to me in times of turmoil surround yourself with good people and they will make it pass sooner . Truer words have never been spoken so I would like to introduce a few of the good guys in this war . You can never have too many friends so I highly recommend putting Jeff Ingrassia on your list . Jeff ( Doc Funky ) and I met a short time ago at the bar and he has since proved to be a huge asset . Before the fire he excavated the back parking lot behind the restaurant . ( Oops … didn 't know what a permit was back then ! ) I was able to see a small glimpse of his talent when he did that job for us . Since the fire I 've had him on speed dial for the demolition , the foundation dig , excavating parking lot , back filling and just about everything in between . I have his phone number if anyone needs an excavator or dirt delivery or the millions of other things he does . The next player 's name is Brad Melillo . Brad is the salesman for Superior Walls , which is the name of the concrete company that did our foundation . He was always reachable and very professional . I can 't say enough about the company that he works for . They were very knowledgeable and extremely professional . I know now why Superior Walls are growing leaps and bounds . Next in line is the man that poured the foundation floor . His name is Dave Altemose and I found him in Saylorsburg . He 's very hardworking and fair priced . A true artist in the masonry business and a compliment to his trade . I have his number if anyone wants a quote on masonry work . Well there it is folks , so far so good . I must end this chapter but there will be many more to come . Till we read again Sláinte ! February 15 , 2012Welcome to the first edition of The Tavernian . If you are wondering " What is the Tavernian ? " , the Tavernian is a voice , opinions , annWhere in the world is Burke 's Tavern ?
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Wednesday of this week I had a colonoscopy , so you know how Tuesday and Wednesday were spent . They used Michael Jackson 's drug of choice and I was knocked out instantly and seemed to awaken just as suddenly , feeling alert and fine . Those of you who have had this know that the procedure is the easy part . Drinking all of the horrible tasting stuff and all that follows is the hard part . I am very happy to have it behind me . I also recently read an article stating that after the age of 75 the colonoscopy was no longer needed , so I 'm considering this my last one ! On Thursday I had to take Gabby to the vet again . The prednisone seemed to stimulate his appetite for about a week , but then over the weekend he stopped eating again . He was also spending a lot of time in a bedroom by himself or in my closet . This time they did x - rays and discovered that he had a huge mass in his stomach and a spot of his spleen . The mass was the source of the problem and made it difficult for him to eat . The vet said there was nothing he could do , so I went up to be with Gabby while he was put to sleep . It was heartbreaking to lose him . I thought of bringing him home for a day or two , but I knew that was selfish and would be difficult for him and for me , as much as I would like to have had him home for a little while . Gabby was my first pet as an adult and I never even considered adopting until I felt I could devote the time needed . I told Allan , a cat aficionado , that I didn 't know what to look for or how to select a cat , and he said , " Oh , the cat will adopt you . " That 's pretty much what happened . Most of the kitties were adorable and sweet , but Gabby was actively trying to unlock the door to the crate . I asked if I could take him out and he immediately snuggle up to my neck and just seemed to love me from the beginning . I asked about adopting him only to learn that another family had completed the application and were to pick him up the next day . I asked if I could put in an application also , in case they didn 't show . Two days later the call came that Gabby was mine . . . . . . the people hadn 't shown , so it was meant to be . I don 't know about other cat owners , but ours always have an official name ( Gabby ) and a variety of endearing names . . . . Yellow Kitty , Precious One , Golden Boy and so on . In emails , Allan referred to him as TMPKWWW - The Most Precious Kitty in the Whole Wide World . . . . . that is until he got his cats and mistakenly thought they held the title ! When Gabby was a kitten we called him Devil Spider Monkey , because he was everywhere and could not stand to be held . The minute he was picked up he began wiggling and squirming . My plan was just to stroke him gently whenever he was close , not to constrain him for too long . It worked like a charm and he soon began to like the attention , or maybe he just outgrew devil spider monkey stage ! Those who have visited know that he was the most social of the kitties . Though he loved the adulation of people , at the end of the day he was a Mama 's boy . He may be where he wants to be , but when it is serous sleeping time he will come up and sleep on my arm . He would put his front paws over my arm and fall asleep , or a paw and his head in my hand . . . . . . which also meant that I could move any way I wanted as long as my arm didn 't move . Of course , once I was asleep he would do what kitties do at night ; but , the first time I moved in the morning , he was there . He was the first thing I saw when coming home and , were he here now , he would be lying beside me as I type or on the table by the sofa , within arms reach . . . as you see him here . Pet owners know how quickly and completely pets win your heart and provide that unconditional love that you find no place else . I think my other kitties see me as a source of food , but Gabby saw me as a source of love and affection , as I did him . He was 14 years old and brought me 14 years of pleasure and joy . The house isn 't the same without him and I will miss him greatly , but the sadness I feel was worth the time I had with him . I could not have asked for a better companion kitty . Some years ago I made a Gabby calendar . Below are the photos and quotes used in the calPosted by No sooner did I sing the charms of Spring than we had a 30 degree drop in temperature overnight and then about 5 days of dark , cold , rainy weather . That 'll teach me ! Over the last 4 days we 've been in the high 70s , but last night had another 20 + degree drop . While I nurse my second cold , it 's no wonder everyone is sick with something ! I have managed to get in a few good walks , which I 've thoroughly enjoyed . the warm days have made everyone eager for the real Spring to arrive . The photos of the fox were not taken during a walk but rather on my way home from visiting Mama . I spotted him beside the road eating something . He made no effort to move , so I turned around and went back , unfolding my trusty iPad as I went . This is the first fox I 've spotted and he was beautiful . He finished what he was eating and then trotted down the road , tucking into the golf course service yard . It really was a treat to see him and I 'm pleased to have gotten the photos . Between my mother and the weather , I 've tried to maintain some kind of life . Sharon and I finally managed a lunch date , which had been postponed numerous times between my 92 year old mother and her 96 year old mother . We refer to our lunches as therapy sessions as it is non - stop venting from beginning to end . We do manage a few laughs , though . Another friend , Cheryl , and I had an early dinner at Saigon Cafe and then went to the Unitarian Church to see Inequality for All , the Robert Reich movie . It was creatively and cleverly done , as well as being equally informative . . . . . I highly recommend it to political junkies . I was actually looking forward to the Oscars this year . Some years are bleak and without much promise , but this year seemed stellar for movies . After not going into a movie theater for years , I did go to see The Butler and 12 Years a Slave , both of which were very good , though I was disappointed that the Butler didn 't get more recognition . One reason it seemed to resonate with me was that it depicted the whole civil rights era that we experienced . It really did bring back so many memories that had gone dormant , some good and some bad . Sometimes I think we live through historical events without acknowledging their importance ( in our own lives or those of others ) or looking back at them to see how far we 've come - or imagine how things would be if they had not happened . In any case , both were powerful movies . The other one I intend to see is The Dallas Buyers Club . Somehow , from the minute I saw the first clip , I knew this was made for Matthew McConaughey ! ! It sounds exceptional and I 'm looking forward to seeing it . Gravity was probably very good , but I have no real desire to see it . . . . and I 'm iffy about Her . The remainder of my free time has been spent enjoying the visual aspect of my iPad . Until recently I had not tried streaming . My thought was that it would not be as clear as TV . . . . . wrong ! The best feature is that you are seeing the event as it happens in its entirety . I 've recently seen Hillary speak at the University of Miami , humorist Dave Barry talk about his new book , as well as James Franco and Chris O ' Dowd interviewed about their upcoming play and their careers . One of the most enjoyable was Jane Goodall speaking a Washington and Lee University . I tell you , she is one impressive lady , who is celebrating her 80th birthday this year . As she began speaking , she put her watch and her notes on the podium . Her notes were on a little sheet of paper no larger than an index card . She was informative , humorous , inspirational and enchanting , with oh - so - many stories and experiences . She was fascinating . As I mentioned last time , this was through LiveStream . While I 've found many good things on it , I feel there are many more events of interest that I 've not yet discovered . At this point , I 'm trying to findl an index or something similar that may make it easier to know what is available . Unfortunately , Mama isn 't bouncing back from the fall and hip surgery . . . . and it has played havoc with the dementia . As of yesterday , she is under hospice care . I am looking at this more as palliative care than final care , though we all know how this book ends . I hope the added hands will help her plateau and begin to regain strength . To be honest , the last two days have been her best days since the fall . The Tidewater Hospice nurse is there all day every day . She is so sweet and gentle . . . . everyone knows her and likes her . She loves her work , has a wonderful way with her patients , and does a caring and professional job . I , for one , am thankful to have some extra help , especially people who know their stuff . Mama met her ( Christina ) yesterday and seemed to like her . . . . . . . . we 'll see how she likes her when Christina tries to get her out of bed today ! ! Though Christina has quite a few patients there , she seems to do a wonderful job and I know Mama will get more individualized care . I am thankful for her help and I hope Mama will benefit from her attention . There will also be a social worker , clergy , etc . involved , all of which will keep a check on Mama . this point , she is no longer able to walk on her own . With help , she is able to stand , pivot and move a few steps very slowly . Since the fall , she seems to have given up , but she did get out of bed when I got there yesterday and said she knew she couldn 't stay in bed all the time . Of course , frequently she doesn 't know whether it 's day or night due to her poor vision . As bad as it has gotten , she never complained about it until the fall . Now she says " I can 't see anything or do anything " , which is frustrating for her . She also has not been wanting to go out into the common areas or be with others ( unless I 'm there ) . . . . . I 'm hoping Christina and the others will help draw her out again over time . Anyway , it is what it is and we 're all doing the best we can . My other concern is my sweet Gabby , who continues to eat almost nothing . He was at the vet 's last Friday and for the first time he was unmanageable . His insulin was cut in half and he was given an appetite stimulant , which I could only administer two times ! I just talked to the vet and will be trying another type of food . At this point , getting him to eat anything is the goal . He was my first kitty and , by far , the most loving . Allan always thought I paid more attend to Gabby , but Gabby would always come to be with me or to ask for some loving . I 'm hoping that he does a turnaround before it 's too late . So , on those depressing notes , tell me something good , tell me something funny . . . . . a personal story / anecdote ( ' cause I know you have them ! ) , cartoons , silly photos of times gone by , an embarrassing moment . . . . . . anything that amuses you and can be published here for the amusement of others ( and me ) . My news has been heavy and grim over the last few years and I 'd really like to lighten it up a bit , with your help . . . . . . . and I know you have nothing better to do ! ! ( lol ! ) Please give it a little thought and share your favorites with me / us . I would really love to hear from you and it would be great to share some laughs . Posted by I received an email that the daffodil fields would be open yesterday and today , so I thought the perfect time to go without hassle would be on Sunday morning , while everyone else was at church . The Christians may have been in church , but the nature worshipers had the same idea as I ! ! The parking lot was full and they were opening the second field as I drove up . In this part of the country , daffodils do announce the coming of Spring and they are always so cheerful and welcomed . It was a great way to start the day ! I took a vase with me and whipped up an " arrangement " in the parking lot of Bloom , arriving just as they were getting Mama out of bed ( very late in the morning ! ) . She liked the flowers and remembered that we had been there before . Once she was dressed we went to the dining room for a cup of coffee before lunch . She was very pale and weak , and complained of her heart before finishing lunch . She continues to refuse many of her meds . . and has no recollection of doing so , and she is eating only the smallest amount . Keisha took her vital signs and her BP was a little high , as was her heart rate . She wanted to lie down . . . . she has been up only a few hours each day before wanting to lie down again and is not gaining strength . Once in bed , I got her to drink about 1 / 2 of a Glucerna . I came home while she rested and will go back around dinner , hoping to get her out of bed for that . I 'm not at all sure she will come back from this and , if she does , the baseline is likely to be much lower than it was before the fall . It is so painful to see , and I can 't imagine how confused and frightened she must feel . I wanted to mention another website that might be of interest to those with an appreciation of the scenery and history of this area . It is Capture America Journal by David Emch . I started following him when he resided in Charleston . He has since started a journey to raise money for epilepsy research . He is quite a good photographer and has a knack for meeting interesting , everyday people . I 've learned a lot about the area through his exploits . Having taken many carriage tours through Beaufort , I knew who Robert Smalls was , but he tells more of his history , which is very interesting ( 2 / 28 / 2014 entry ) . He has also inspired me to want to take a walking tour with Jon Sharp , whom I 'd read about in the paper but didn 't know he was leading tours ! ! Anyway , give it a look and see whether it 's worth the occasional glance . Not a lot else happening at the moment . I 've actually devised a " To Do " list in hopes of getting a few things accomplished . The idea has come to me to thoroughly clean one room at a time , every other day , every three days . . . . . whatever I can talk myself into doing . So far , I haven 't been very persuasive !
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" Like any other view , non - harming may be a terrific principle , but its the living of it that counts . You can start practicing ahimsa 's gentleness on yourself and in your life with others in any moment . Do you sometimes find that you are hard on yourself and put yourself down ? Remember ahimsa in that moment . See it and let it go . Do you talk about others behind their back ? Ahimsa . Do you push yourself beyond your limits with no regard for your body and your well - being ? Ahimsa . Do you cause other people pain or grief . Ahimsa . It is easy to relate with ahimsa to someone who doesn 't threaten you . The test is in how you will relate to the person or situation when you do feel threatened . The willingness to harm or hurt comes ultimately out of fear . Non - harming requires that you see your own fears and that you understand them and OWN them . Owning them means taking responsibility for them . Taking responsibility means not letting fear completely dictate your vision or your view . " - Jon Kabat - Zinn I 'm surprised that I feel better today than yesterday . I sort of expected to be freaking out more and more as the week progressed . I had one bad spell around lunch . Around very late lunch … it was past 2pm before I heard from him regarding lunch . We text our lunch plans , since I 'm usually in the middle of speaking , or in the office at work - both bad environments for a ringing cell phone . And his texts were so distracted and delayed that I was actually driving out to The Arbor Lodge for coffee and a cinnamon roll again , before he finally acknowledged that he was at his parent 's house and , sure , come by for lunch if you want . Remember how this one goes : panic , spelled P - A - N - I - C . Why is he not answering me ? Maybe he 's suicidal . Maybe he 's in the throes of a bad mood swing and is going to rip my head off when I walk in the door . Maybe he 's in the arms of some hussy he picked up off of Craigslist , since he obviously doesn 't love ME any more … Yeah . Panic . And the brain ran away with the spoon . So it turned out that he was just deep into a video game . Could be ok . Could be the beginning of a deep downward mood swing . Who knows : Welcome to bipolar disorder . Here are my thoughts on this weekend : I want to commemorate it somehow . I said in my last post , that I just don 't want it to be like any other weekend . Maybe … maybe this is like when someone dies , and you need to do something for closure . I feel grief . I wish I could do something to commemorate it with him , but that could go so badly . I feel like it 's a damned if I do , and damned if I don 't kind of situation . If I avoid him all weekend , that in itself , is going to make me sad . And it could really launch him down the rabbit hole , if he 's nursing some guilt ready to turn into the Depression Monster . But if I 'm around him this weekend , my very presence could set off a guilt - driven mood swing . Bad for him , and bad for me and our daughter if we 're in the vicinity of an explosion . I was determined to live in the now , and practice mindfulness , and try to be , if not happy , then content and not massively depressed . I pulled out my Happy Habits app , first thing and filled out my Happiness Journal for the day . I made a list of little stuff I could do through the day to stay calm and make myself feel a little better . I put my outfit together carefully so that I could add a few extra special accessories : a bracelet I received from a mentor to remind that I am making progress in a career I love - and people are noticing , a necklace from my baby sister to remind that I can find positive things in my past if I look for them and don 't focus on the negative , and a ring that my dear heart gave me early on in our relationship before his first big bipolar surge to remind me to look at the whole person , the whole experience , and again , to not focus on the negative . I was fine through most of the day . Something maybe began to creep in around lunch - we normally meet for lunch because we work close by to one another - but when I contacted him , I found out that he was still helping a friend of ours move , because he didn 't have an afternoon shift today . I constantly prove to myself that human beings can feel two entirely opposite things at the same time . Because I was a little disappointed , but a little relieved at the same time . I settled for feeling good that he was helping a friend out , and spoiled myself a little with an americano and cinnamon roll from one of my favorite coffee shops . No , not Dutch Brothers : And then toward the end of my work day we did some texting back and forth and I found out he was still tied up helping with the move , and I needed to go pick our daughter up at daycare because he wasn 't going to make it on time . I think I started to unravel during the commute . I forced down the doubts and sadness and Panic that were starting to well up . Which is a bad thing , when you get to that point , because no one responds well to force . Seriously - when you start making demands of yourself , you resist that just as much as you would if someone else was making demands of you . I snapped at him on the phone - I can 't remember if he called , or it was through text . Holes in memory - another sign things are going south . I snapped something curt and rude while I was trying to get our daughter into her car seat . If anyone 's had to get a kid on the autistic spectrum strapped into a car seat on a regular basis , you already know why this is a stressor for me . By the time I got home , my brain was trying to take off on it 's own . Why was he spending so much time at this friend 's house ? ( Any one who 's every moved , already knows the answer to that one . ) Were they talking about our failed wedding ? About me ? Again , ridiculous : this friend , in particular , would never do anything unkind toward me . Did he just go home without a word , because , basically , he just doesn 't care . I 'm just a the world 's biggest joke because I do care … Folks , can you spell panic ? P - A - N - I - C . I do give myself credit for not giving in to the more paranoid notions and ripping into him for nothing , but I did finally start leaking some fatalistic misery at him through intermittent texts . The straw that broke the camel 's back was when I suggested we take the friend who was moving out to dinner . ( Ulterior motives : cheer myself up by spending time with a good friend , have a third party present to force us both to be on our best behavior , to allay all my weird fears about gossip and so forth by personal witness . ) He texted back that our friend wanted to head out now because they had a long drive to Salem ahead of them …. " but how about we all go out for dinner together next weekend ? " " Sure . Sounds a lot better than burying myself in a hole and eating myself to death which was my Big Plan A for next weekend . After all , nothing better to do . " Yes , I was a bitch . And in the throes of angst and self immolation at the same time . It 's an art form . On the plus side , I kept enough of a handle on my PTSD that I didn 't lash out in a direct attack even though my stress level was suffocating by this point . I tell him , " I don 't know . " I really don 't . The one thing that I think that I will not be able to stand is if it gets treated just like any other weekend . Right now , though , as I am typing this out , is the first time I 've been able to articulate that . And I still don 't know how I 'm going to explain it to him , to anyone . Then he surprises me . He asks if I want to see him tonight , then . Hell , he surprises me so much , I say sure . He never comes over late on Monday nights . He politely lets me know when he 's on his way . He even sends me a text to let me know he 's driving up the hill to my house now . I 'm not sure why . In the old days , before his bipolar disorder became so bad , I could have seen him reasoning out that it 's not good to surprise someone with PTSD who is in the middle of stressing out and panicking . But I really don 't think he 's been functioning at that level for years . Instinct ? Some other motivation stemming from one of his own mood swings ? I feel bad for leaning toward the cynical choice , but these days everything seems to revolve around his own slightly detached from reality world . So I just don 't know . Anyways , surprisingly , we spent a nice quiet night watching old Avatar episodes on Netflix , and sharing some ramen . He surprised me further , by staying the night after I put the small to bed . And he didn 't complain to me in the morning about how he was always late for work when he stayed over on week nights and how that was all my fault . Here 's what I 'm thinking : if he actually feels bad enough about the wedding to modify his behavior in a way that is cognizant of another person … that 's gotta be bad . I mean he 's gotta be feeling really bad . And last time he felt really , really bad , he tried to jump off the St . John 's Bridge . If you 've read my " about " page , you know I have the best relationship I can manage with a bipolar man who refuses any treatment . Recently that 's taken the form of him living apart from us . Although I see him almost daily - we work in the same area and usually have lunch together , and he 's managed to visit our daughter about once per week , with someone helping him - he 's stated that we might as well continue this undefined and constantly changing relationship because , " it 's the path requiring the least effort . Trying to separate all our stuff is too hard right now . " I do not take this personally . I 've known him long enough to know when it is the monster riding on his back that 's taken the pilot 's seat for a while . It hurts . It leaves me sad and grieving . It 's totally crazy - making : you might be asking why someone who feels that way about another person would seek them out for lunch everyday ( yes , the lunches were his idea ) . The answer is : " Welcome to bipolarism ! " But anyways , I don 't take it personally : I write that down : " I shouldn 't take it personally . " I have it in my phone , repeatedly in my CBT journal and in a note in Evernote that I open and stare at and read over and over . I recite it in my head . You can see , I 'm trying really , really hard to remember to not to take it personally . But today we had a meltdown . He 'd taken our daughter out for the morning , with his parents chaperoning which was nice for me - got some things done around the house . I 'm pretty much the 24 / 7 single parent these days . I dropped them off at his parent 's , because he 'd lent his truck to a friend that was moving and arranged to meet the friend at my house later , to get his truck back . Reportedly the morning went well with them . I was feeling pretty good myself , because I 'd gotten some errands and things done , and it feels nice to let the parent guard down for a while . To , just for a few hours , not be solely responsible for everything in another human being 's life , you know ? As arranged , I picked them both up . Things were going pretty good and he suggested we stop by our favorite game store on the way back . And then it happened . He got a message from his roommate that upset him . It was stupid . An acquaintance known for gossiping has apparently been gossiping about him . Big surprise . Well , to him , it was . ( Bipolarism doesn 't go hand in hand with great social skills , it seems . Some of the people he picks up are part of the reason a chaperone is a good idea when he 's spending time with our daughter . ) So what happens normally in a situation like this ? You get mad at the person that gossiped about you , maybe . You complain about it to the friend you 're with ( that would be me ) , and grouch and cuss a little , maybe . You decide that gossiper isn 't going to be your friend any more . You come to the conclusion that there 's really nothing else you can do and you try to move on with the rest of your day . Right ? Or something very similar to that . Since I was the closest person in the vicinity , I was the one he attacked . His whole posture changed and got tense , aggressive . His voice changed . His voice actually changes . It 's not a coincidence that bipolarism gets confused with multiple personality disorder . And you would think that someone that angry would be ranting and railing about the person that set off the anger ? Nope . She was never mentioned . But suddenly I was being informed in a cold angry voice that everything about me , everything I 've ever done and was doing , was wrong . Rapid fire , one thing after another : " You know , I don 't like * this * about you . " " The one thing that really bothers me is when you did * that * " " You know what I hate about you ? " And you can 't say anything * reasonable * about it . You can 't say , " Hey , I understand that this incident upset you , but you must be able to see that it 's unfair to take your anger out on me like this . " Because he just ignores you . You might as well be speaking ancient Phoenician . Nothing gets through . Or worse : the crazy - making talk . " I don 't know what you 're talking about . I never said [ the thing I just said , verbatim , 3 seconds ago ] . " Even though I 'm so miserable without him , at times like this , I 'm so glad he doesn 't live with us right now . The constant barrage of this , the walking on eggshells so you don 't set him off , or get in his cross hairs if he 's already been set off . It wears me down , so much . And as she 's gotten older , it 's gotten harder and harder to shield our daughter from this . She 's getting fussy herself now . Even with her communication disorder , at four years old , she can absorb that her dad just turned into Mr . Hyde . It 's confusing and scary . He says , " I don 't get it . She was good all morning . " I can 't tell him , " She 's getting upset from the way you are acting . " I 've tried that before . It doesn 't go well . Not for the first time , I wonder if any of this is somehow responsible for her autism issues . Wouldn 't you withdraw and have trouble communicating and interacting with people if one of your parents didn 't make sense ? And when I think these things , I immediately feel so bad . I love this man and I know he 's sick . We get to the store and he seems to have calmed down a little , but then our daughter is still fussy . And when I said ' calms down a little ' , I didn 't mean all better , because at one point he says something really shitty to me , right when it seems like we 're getting along . And I realize that my blood pressure is through the roof . That I 'm frantically reciting all my mantras under my breath ( " don 't take it personally " ) , but I 'm not absorbing it ; not believing it . Baby Girl is still fussy and getting more demanding and I 'm recognizing the physical signs of an adrenaline rush coming ( I know I 've mentioned my PTSD before . Maybe , I 'll have to post more on the physiology of PTSD some time ) . The store is crowded , we have friends that are working there today , and aside from the nasty pot shot at me , he 's actually remaining pretty calm . So I let him know I 'm going to go outside for a few minutes for some air . He 's agreeable , so I go out front and pull my CBT journal up on my phone and try to get some focus . I don 't get very far though , before he comes out to find me , our daughter trailing behind . He 's put our pending purchases back on the shelf . We 're leaving , he says , because our daughter is being too fussy . He actually comes and sits next to me . His body is relaxed again , and makes some friendly overtures . It 's enough to to even signal things that things are better to our daughter , who operates more on this sort of 6th sense level because of her communication issues , and she comes over and is hugging and kissing both of us . He starts having a two way conversation again , and I fall for it . Even though I know enough time hasn 't passed . I know that he doesn 't get better again this fast . I should know this , damn it . But I get sucked in again . And the monster is back . He knows how to lure me in close again , where I 'm vulnerable , so that he can properly attack me . He wants to keep me agitated and on edge and off balance . If I manage , to withdraw , then he doesn 't have a victim . He storms off to the car , but them comes back and picks up our daughter and carries her because we are moving too slow for him . He 's not rough at all , but that rigidness is back , he emanates anger , and she starts crying again . All the way back he barks out orders on how and where to drive to me . As you 've probably guessed , I do know how to get to my own house . But this , this is the kind of shit I just take from him . Because when he gets like this , there 's no rationalizing with him . I consider pulling over and telling him to get out of the car . To just walk home , and that I will ensure that the friend and I get his truck dropped off at his house later . But I feel like this might be even more upsetting to our daughter , than watching his behavior . then both parents are acting cagey . And what do I do if he just sits there and refuses to get out of the car ? I start to make small mistakes while I 'm driving - like hesitating as a light turns yellow , because I 'm under this constant barrage . I 'm under attack - how do you focus ? He yells at me when this happens . I really can 't explain to you what it 's like . For some reason , people think that people in a manic state are happy , or at least harmless to others . They never imagine an aggressive manic state . I think they use these methods to interrogate prisoners of war , to break them . I can 't even respond to one complaint before he 's cut me off with another , unrelated . And he acts like I 'm crazy when I try to get him to pause and back up , and let me finish with the first . " What are you talking about ? We aren 't talking about that . What does anything you 're saying have to do with what we 're talking about ? " As far as I can understand , he doesn 't perceive these episodes that same way everyone else does . I think he sees everything happening more slowly , and as not being disjointed . Later , he says he doesn 't remember times like this . If he does at all , he calls them " arguments . " He says , lately , all we do is argue . It doesn 't feel like an arI keep telling myself that it 's going to be OK , because as soon as we get to my house , the friend with the truck will be there and he will go home . I feel terrible because this is the man I love and right now I just want him away from us . I just need some peace . God , please , just a few hours to regroup . And every time I think these things I feel so bad , too , for so many reasons . what kind of partner am I ? So much for better or for worse , in sickness and in health . It 's not to be though . The friend is running late . The barrage continues . In my own home , in my sanctuary . I consider taking our little girl and leaving him there alone to wait for his truck . But I am afraid of what he will do to my house , to himself . Mostly , I realize he will just follow us . His Monster won 't let his victims get away so easily . He completely rearranges and moves my audio video collection . He ranges through the house , collecting things that he feels are " his " into a pile in the middle of the living room floor . He shakes his fist threateningly at me when I offer to fix him something to eat . All while the complaints about me and anything to do with me or anything else in the world - all which he finds some way or another to make my fault just keep coming . I finally calm him a little by putting stupid 80s comedies on the television . It doesn 't exactly make it better , but he is easily distracted . When he starts up again , I laugh and point something out from the show and he gets lost again for a little while . I get him to eat by fixing something for our daughter that she doesn 't want . I fix her something she does want , and oh - do - you - want - this ? Otherwise - I 'm - just - going - to - have - to - throw - it - out . Eating does help a bit . When this first started happening , I even got him in to have his blood sugar checked , because the food factor made me suspect diabetes . I guess everyone 's just grouchier with an empty stomach ? Finally his truck gets here . He scoops everything up that he 's piled in the living room and throws it in his truck . I help him . I God - damned help him because it 's just stuff and I need him to leave . And I feel so God - damned bad . Because this is , really is , still the love of my life , and I 've given up . I want him to leave more than I want to help him any more . At least for tonight .
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This morning I needed fenders for the Bike Friday in a hurry . I 've been putting off ordering special fenders for the BF because a ) I still don 't really like fenders on a bike ( I know , I live in Oregon ) and b ) they are $ 60 for the fenders from the manufacturer made to fit my bike . Now , I 'm not one to hesitate to spend money on parts I need , but when I don 't like fenders , I just can 't bring myself to dropping that kind of cash for them . But alas , the rain is here today , I needed fenders , so I improvised . Over the past couple weeks , we 've been doing some cleaning in the garage , and I 've contemplated tossing out miscellaneous orphaned parts that seem to have no further use or life left in them . We 're trying to keep the clutter down . At the same time , we 're big fans of recycling so I 'm happy to say that today I recycled a couple of mismatched fenders into ' new ' fenders for the BF , and yes , they are ugly , but functional . Not that it matters , but here 's where they came from . My front fender came from my used Ira Ryan bike I purchased earlier this year . The previous owner had turned it into a bit of a rainy day commuter bike , and had done some custom fitting to get them to fit just right , but had left the front fender off when I picked it up . Luckily , it more or less fit , but I had to chop about an inch off of the end with the mud flap . My chop job is ugly , but the flap was dragging on the ground , so it had to go . The rear fender came off my wife 's Jamis flat bar road bike . They were giving her some fits and she doesn 't do much road biking in the rain , so they came off the bike last year . Numerous times I almost threw them out , but today I took the sliding mount of the front fender , slid it onto the rear fender , and attached it to the BF . You can see that it 's not a very good fit to the shape of the wheel , but it covers enough area of the tire to keep the water off . I was worried that the size of the fenders made for standard road tires would not provide ample coverage for the wider tires on the Bike Friday , however , most of the water ( at least this morning ) flies off the center of the tire , and the fenders do fine for that . I did notice however that I 've created some great skewers by having to reshape the fenders so much . If only I had some marshmallows and a campfire … . Eventually , I may order some correct fenders if I find a decent deal . I read somewhere that some Dahon fenders might work that sell for $ 20 . Or perhaps I 'll wait until the next election , and just make some fenders out of the coroplast campaign signs in every lawn down the street . In any case , for today , I 'm dry , even if I look a little ugly doing it . Apparently I 'm still living in summer land as I rode down to the Breakfast on Bikes in sandals , shorts and short sleeve short . I 'm not alone though , as my buddy Conrad was thinking the same thing . Most other folks were smart enough to at least put on longer sleeves , if not jackets and something on their legs . The sun should be out for the commute home . This morning 's breakfast was a good wrap up morning for the Bike Commute Challenge . I 'll take this time to do a quick update for our team . As of today , everyone ( all 3 riders ) have done at least 50 % of their work day commutes on a bike , and we have 221 miles total . Again , we 're all close , so we 're not going to set any records , but I haven 't been filling up the car very much this month ! When will the winners be announced ? We 're thrilled to unveil the news that our official Bike Commute Challenge Awards Party will be held Thursday , October 8 , at Portland City Hall ! Everyone who has logged at least one trip this September is welcome to join us for free Hot Lips pizza , Widmer beer , a final prize drawing , and celebration between 5 : 30 - 7 : 30 . If you 're in the Portland area , make it a team field trip and ride over together ! Our awards ceremony will begin at 6 : 15 . Results will be posted on the website by the following day . This Friday , September 25th , Breakfast On Bikes be at the North Office Mall Building on Winter street NE from 7am to 9am with coffee , pastries , and fruit for you . Anyone riding their bikes to work is welcome to stop in for some fuel for the morning . Last month was a great time , with a few folks giving the ol ' Bike Friday a spin . I 'll be sure to bring it down again in case anyone else wants to take a turn on a folding bike . " God , I hate those cyclists . " This was the first of his tirade that later ended with him retelling how he snuck up on a group of cyclists in the electrick review car in order to blast the horn and scare them off the road . The review of the Tesla Roadster actually has some great information about the car itself , comparing it to a Ferrari for it 's acceleration . However , it quickly turns ugly when Martin explains how he used it to take out his frustration on the cyclists he apparently hates . The Daily Mail site has since removed the part of the review with this verbiage as blogs , websites , twitterers , and facebook users around the world have been in a fury since it 's release , but the text is available on many sites around the interwebs . On a positive note , Tesla has come out and condemned the review themselves . " Tesla is cyclist - friendly , " says Rachel Konrad , senior communications manager . Just a couple days ago , a car was stopped at a stop sign , waiting for traffic to pass so he could make a right turn . I was on my bike , behind a cyclist coming up on the car at the stop sign , and watched as he pulled up along the left side of the car , and turned in front of the stopped car in order to get into the bike lane , going the same direction the car was turning . Fortunately , the car didn 't see a clearing , take off and mow the guy down , but it 's this kind of stuff that just incites the fury of many a motorist . Today marks the halfway mark of the September Bike Commute Challenge , so time for some updates to how our office challenge is going . We will not break any world records with a small office of 5 people , and 2 of whom live out of town ( Silverton and Tualatin , ) and 2 of the 3 doing the challenge don 't work in the office every day of the week . Also , the three of us riding all live fairly close to work , 5 - 8 miles round trip . That being said , we are still doing a great job of knocking down some commutes . Here are some numbers for you since the start of the challenge … . I 'm sure there are tons of other numbers we could squeeze out of the statistics so far , but the great thing is that we 've got people riding to work , feeling good , and having fun ! I think I figured out my flat issue last week . I had one legitimate flat from road hazards , and then discovered that the spare tubes I was sold in Arizona on my cross country trip , were the wrong size for my Bike Friday funky tire size . Just barely , but enough to cause two bursts after only a day or so of riding . I found the right tube size , and now have my spares a - plenty ! My commute to work is fairly short … about 5 miles round trip , and mostly through residential until a short section which I call the gauntlet , but that 's fodder for another post . Yesterday I had to head just South of town to Bush Park , and realized I would have to cross a section of Commercial street I hate , down at Mission Street . There are 3 - 4 lanes down there , leading to a blind spot hill with a stop light right over the hill . In addition to the blind spot hill just before the light , the road bends a bit , and then traffic can go straight , left , or right at that intersection . It 's nasty and if you ask other cyclists , has a reputation for being dangerous . The gentleman in the sedan slowed down so he could squeeze by me on the right ( I had already started shifting left in my lane and was on the left edge , so I could get one more lane over ) and as he went by , and a little close for comfort I might add , he shot his arm out and pointed over the roof of his car as if to say " get over on the right side of the road buddy . " I wanted to yell out something , even a sarcastic " thank you " or something , but then for a minute questioned my own understanding of bicycle rules of the road . So I got home and looked it up . Turns out , I was doing everything fine . Take a look at the photo above … that 's me in the illustration above , well not really me , but that 's what I was doing . Now , it might have seemed , because I was moving over yet one more lane , that I was hanging to the left of the lane I was in , but I was actually headed toward the last lane in the road . At any rate , I 'll be sure to ' take the lane ' more obviously next time , and yet , I 'm sure I 'll still have plenty of folks trying to help me understand my place in the world as a bike commuter . Since Monday was a holiday , yesterday kicked off Week # 2 of the Bike Commute Challenge . I had multiple meetings during the day , so I was looking forward to logging some good miles for work . Since my wife calls my Bike Friday folding bike my " Little Clown Bike , " I figured I 'd wear my shoes that always feel a little like clown shoes for a perfect match . Still figuring out this whole iPhone video formatting , so this is a little funky with the vertical format . I headed out for a meeting with a business over in the Industrial Parkway area ( which is only a couple miles from my office ) and all the way in I kept thinking " if I make it out of this without a flat , it will be a miracle . " But , make it there without a flat , I did . Two hours later I was headed back to the office , and just got off Industrial and turned onto Cherry Ave , when I heard that nasty pop and hiss that no cyclist likes to hear , and went flat instantly . It was at this moment that I realized I had broken one of my own rules for the month , and I was not prepared . I had seen my spare tube sitting on my desk at home and thought " I need to put that in my bag , " but of course didn 't . No patch kit on hand , and it wouldn 't have mattered , I didn 't have a pump or Co2 with me , so I started walking . Only about 1 . 5 miles back to the office , so no big deal … call it cross training . On the way I texted a couple co - workers just in case they happened to be heading to lunch and wanted to swing by my way , but didn 't hear back from either until after lunch , so I just hoofed it back . I 've had one of the Torelli 's sitting in my office for months , with a pump attached to the frame , so I pumped up the tires on it , and rode it to my next errand . Snagged a late lunch , grabbed my spare tube , and headed back to the office . If you can 't have a spare tube handy , the next best thing is a spare bike I guess ! Of course , as it turns out my Bike Friday wheels are 18 ″ and my spare tube is 20 ″ ! I went ahead and stuffed it in anyway , pumped it up and just kept the pressure to about 65 lbs instead of cranking it up to 100 , and made it home fine . I won 't update every day this month about the Bike Commute Challenge , but wanted to post about the happenings of the first day , and encourage as many folks to get out and ride this month , but also to help others ride where you can . My commute is not that long , just about 5 miles round trip , but I tend to talk myself out of riding because of other meetings , or gear that I need or like to take with me . I figuring out ways to make all that happen this month on my bike … perhaps even beyond the month . At any rate , the first day of the challenge left me with three things I thought would be worth noting in helping others to ride to work . 1 . Let The Information Flow ! - A friend of mine was considering riding a bike to work , but had no idea what he needed . " I guess I need a commuter bike , tell me about what I need . " Turns out , he had a perfectly good commuter bike already - my old Trek Navigator , ( my full review here ) which has a rear rack and everything . Only problem is that his wife has decided she loves riding it , and so it 's not available for his everyday use . After a lengthy email about good options for a commuter , and how I would ditch the shock for a rigid fork anyway , he ended up at the local shop , picking up another Navigator , in a different color . Although he chose a bike that wasn 't on my top list for a commuter bike , I was happy to go round and round with the information on what could or would make a good commuter bike . I started out by telling him that he already had a great commuter bike in the Trek , BUT if he was going to look at a new bike ( and who doesn 't love looking at new bikes ! ) I could give him some options . Turns out , that while I prefer the efficiency of a rigid fork for commuting , his back prefers the softer ride of the shock . Makes sense to me . At any rate , share as much info as you have with other people interested in riding ! 2 . Be Prepared to Help Out ! - I typically take just enough to save my butt on the road because I hate carrying around a ton of stuff . A tube , a patch , some air of some sort , my cell phone . I 'm good to go . I was just headed out the door to a 9 am meeting when my buddy Conrad called and said he had a flat tire on his bike , on his first day of the Challenge . Conrad lives further away from work than I do , and has hills and busy bridge to get across , so I 'm stoked that he 's giving bike commuting a shot . I tried to remember what he was riding and thought he was on a mountain bike , so I grabbed a spare tube from my supply rack , some additional air , and tire tools , and threw them in my bag for the ride in . Turns out that he was on 26 ″ wheels , but using more of a road tire than the ginormous tube I had , but my office was just a block from the coffee shop where we met . I had a patch kit in my office , so we walked back there , found the hole in the tube , patched it up , and sent him on his way . 3 . If You Can , Loan Out a Bike ! - Nearly everyone I know that really gets into cycling , has more than one bike hanging in the garage . I 've actually been thinking about clearing house a little , but am kind of glad that I haven 't quite yet because as it turns out , I think they 'll come in handy this month . In fact , one of my buddies at work said " I 'd ride , but my brother took back the bike I was using . If you had one to loan me , I 'd do the challenge . " DONE ! So today I 'll be dusting off the old Redline 925 , and making sure it 's in tip top shape so he can ride to work this month ! Do what you can to provide information , help out where you can , and even loan someone a bike if it will help them get out and ride ! See you on the road ! Editors Note : Yesterday as I was driving just South of town , with disco - ball style lightning in the sky , and wind and rain buffeting my vehicle , the thought occurred to me … " what if I was on my bike right now ? " Well , PacificPedaling . com contributer Tina Brubaker was , of course . And lived to tell about it . I 've been ruminating over a commuting piece for some time now , but have lacked that ONE thing that has been able to push me from thinking about it , to typing it . Yesterday , while at work , I heard the push . SEVERE WEATHER WARNING . It was on the radio , the internet , coming out of customers mouths . While the masses are in a panic about this , I 'm am slipping into my Sidi 's and helmet in great anticipation of my ride home . It 's hot out and sprinkling and smells like rain . The sky is black to the north were I 'm headed , this makes my already ear to ear smile even bigger . About a mile out of downtown it hits . The wind is all over the place , but mostly at my back . The rain comes down hard , and loud . I hit stop lights and notice people in cars are staring at me in my soaked tank top and skirt and smiling or laughing . I keep pedaling to the next stop light , all the while feeling pretty euphoric about my current state of affairs . At this point , the streets are like rivers and the rain is pouring out of the sky like that of a hose nozzle being sprayed in your face from about 10 feet away . And it 's so WARM , it 's crazy ! I 'm cautiously manuevering through the flooded streets and smiling , all the while casually watching the people , in their cars , watching me . Besides a lot of smiles , I got a few thumbs ups , a couple " Yeah 's " and an " awesome " from some teen - ager in a truck , but the best of all was a comment made by a well dressed woman driving a mini - van . She drove up next to me as we were both going about 10mph and rolled her passenger window down and yelled " I 'm so jealous ! " … and I knew she was . I also know for sure , based on the smiles I saw in that storm , that she wasn 't the only driver who felt that way . I finally made it to the bike route , out of traffic , where I was able to think about how great it was that I was soaked to the bone , on my bike and smiling about it ! And this is where it occured to me , as it always does at some point on any ride , that going anywhere by bike IS awesome ! And this in only ONE of the endless commuting stories of Epic adventure I am sharing . Calm , beautiful night rides home , taking the ' long way ' on those perfect sunny days , tailwinds that make you feel like you 're not even pedaling . Even the completely average , uneventful rides still leave you feeling good . Every day offers something unique and different , but there is still the comfort and familiarity of the bike - you get to feel it ALL from behind the handlebars and I wouldn 't trade them for a steering wheel anyday * . If you haven 't commuted by bike yet , you 're missing out ! Tina also sent along these other photos of the great things she typically gets to see on a ride into work . Part of the beauty of getting to work on two wheels is just that … . seeing the beauty : And the beauty of Robert Fox ! Robert is involved with the Willamette Valley Bicycle Transportation Alliance , Breakfast on Bikes , Salem Bicycle Club , and too many bike - centric things to mention . He 's a dang fast rider too !
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That longing for sun and sand happens to me every year , especially when I see all sorts of decent Minnesotans fleeing southward to sun in the dead of winter . My brother 's family just got back from an island hopping cruise in the Caribbean . A friend on facebook just posted that she was heading off to " paradise " with her husband . Normally , on a Sunday night after the kids go to bed , a grand night is watching a movie on the couch and still getting to bed at a decent time . Last night , my big plan consisted of cleaning up the kitchen and then just heading straight to bed . But my husband kindly invited me down to the basement , where he planned to saw into water pipes to work on the boiler that 's been a persistent problem this winter . Our basement is standard old farmhouse basement fare : It 's best feature is a cement floor . It also sports limestone brick walls , dim lighting , long strands of cob webs , a creepy back room containing an old tank , and a bonus outhouse - like " bathroom " stall with a hole in the floor where a toilet used to be . Bugs and spiders thrive year - round in our basement sanctuary . In non - technical terms , solderless connectors are blue , yellow , and red little plastic thingeys about the size of a noodle . They roll really nicely across a cement floor . I spent the first ten minutes of my " helping " picking those thingeys up and resorting them . Down in the basement are a set of the original wooden kitchen cupboards , almost 100 years old . Right now they look a little worse for the wear after sitting lonely in a damp basement for 35 years or so , but with glass doors on top and original hardware , I really like them . And behind the latches , the glass - doored cabinets stay relatively bug - free . While Jarred fired up the Sawzall and cut some pipes , I unpacked my Christmas china and put it in the cabinets . My packing material of choice was newspaper ( actually , the St . Charles Press ) dated 2010 . I remembered that when I packed those plates , I was pregnant with my little girl who is now almost three . At the time , we had our little log house for sale in Montana and we planned on buying a place in Osseo , Wisconsin . While those vacations on sunny beaches are the kind where people wish they 'd never end , the very best part of our basement dungeon getaway was the get away from the basement when the project was done . No , I didn 't need seven days and six nights to feel like I 'd had my fill . And , there 's no need to " ooh " and " ah " over basement dungeon getaway photos . However , you might say " eew " and " eh … " The real silver lining is a boiler repair , but that 's not very pretty . Instead , just imagine the children 's book with Mike Mulligan in the basement of the new town hall looking happy and satisfied while Mary Anne the boiler pleasantly keeps the meetings warm . It 's like that . When we got up this morning , something wasn 't working properly with our heat . That means the upstairs is currently 48 degrees , and downstairs the thermostat reads a balmy 58 degrees . My husband figured out the problem , and the house is getting warmer again , but it 's a slow process . In the mean time , I layered up the kids and wrapped them up in blankets , and at the moment , they are very content sitting and watching movies . We have a wall - mounted fan heater in the kitchen , and currently , the dog and the two young kids are vying for the cozy warm space right against that heater . Somehow , the dog is winning . In the kitchen , the crock pot is cooking a chicken , venison steaks are thawing for lunch , a pot of beans simmer on the back stove , and I turned the oven on to make it warm enough for bread to rise . We are a long way from any danger of freezing , but something in that visceral cavewoman part of my head sees the cold outside and starts thinking I better start cooking , so we don 't just all freeze or starve to death . I know logically that we are indeed not freezing to death , but that doesn 't matter . And then I realized where all of this is coming from . In my head are the stories of Laura Ingalls Wilder 's The Long Winter that I read to my kids earlier this fall . Most specifically , the October Blizzard chapter stands out , when they lived in a one - room tar paper claim shanty out on the open prairie . While I didn 't realize it last night , that feeling like I better put some beans out to soak overnight with oncoming cold came straight from Caroline Ingalls in the blizzard chapter . " ' I 'm glad I put beans to soak last night , ' said Ma . . . . Now and then she spooned up a few beans and blew on them . When their skins split and curled , she drained the soda water from the kettle and filled it again with hot water . She put in the bit of fat pork . ' There 's nothing like good hot bean soup on a cold day , ' said Pa . " I agree with Pa . If I could talk to him , I 'd give him a good old Minnesotan " You betcha . " Our two - year - old didn 't really touch her pancake for breakfast , but she ate three warm , steamy servings of pinto beans doused in butter , salt , pepper , and cheese . Beans are cold weather food . You betcha . On this blustery day , my mind drifts to the stories of extreme cold and hardship from the Ingalls family , " She put more wood in the stove and broke the ice in the water pail to fill the teakettle . The water pail was less than half - full . They must be sparing of water for nobody could get to the well in that storm . But the snow on the floor was clean . Laura scooped it into the washbasin and set it on the stove to melt , for washing in . " There 's nothing like a little Laura Ingalls to add some perspective to hardship . Our pipes upstairs froze overnight , but all in all , it 's not so bad . We still have heat and running water downstairs . This morning I 'm frustrated that our dishwasher isn 't working because one of its water lines froze up , which means washing the mound of dirty dishes by hand . I really hate washing dishes . That is nothing , though , compared to waking up in a shanty with snow on the floor , let alone looking at that snow and thinking , " Oh good , now I can have water for washing . " No , life is pretty cushy by that comparison . In another chapter of the same book , Pa tells his girls to stay in bed until he scoops the snow pile off of the top of their quilts . As for us , I dressed my kids in layers , but their day of " winter hardship " includes hanging out on a couch with cuddly blankets , holding my smart phone . On my phone they 're watching a movie on Netflix , essentially holding a little personal TV right in the palm of their hands . But wait , my husband also has a smart phone , so sometimes they have two different movies playing at once . And sometimes my older son then turns on our laptop and plays a game on that . On the positive side of this cold day , my kids sufficiently warmed up enough to decide they wanted snow ice cream . They went outside and collected a bowl of clean snow . Then while I worked in the other room , my seven - year - old and six - year - old worked in the kitchen mixing snow , cream , sugar , and vanilla together until it tasted like ice cream . I was impressed . They made something that tasted like ice cream with no help from me , didn 't make a colossal mess in the kitchen , and did it all while keeping peace with a very opinionated two - year - old who desperately wanted to add in her own personal touch to the final product . That 's no small feat . Maybe tonight we 'll make an apple pie for supper and top it with a little snow ice cream . A little extra heat in the house from the oven , smell of baking apples and cinnamon … that sounds like a perfectly good way to end a perfectly frigid day . While it 's not beans , I think Pa Ingalls would approve . Here are my own " 12 Days of Christmas . " Life is moving fast around here , so the reality is , I 'm cramming 12 days worth of activities into just a week . So I guess it 's really … 12 Eggs a Day : Our young hens are just getting started on their production , and we now get about a dozen eggs a day . This makes enough for our family and enough to share with Mom who makes brunch for a crowd . By spring , we 'll be getting 40 a day . Hooeee ! 11 Hungry Sheep : This really isn 't a surprise , but sheep are much easier in the summer . They just wander around and eat green stuff and they 're happy . This whole feeding hay bales business in the winter is so much more work . I wish they could just climb up in the hay mow and throw down a bale themselves . 10 Loads of Laundry : This was my goal for the week . The reality : I think I washed about four and folded maybe two . The whole trip to Montana thing really did throw me off , although I cavalierly assume every time that I can just suck up the exhaustion and get right back in the groove of life again . January … now that will be the time that life gets all in order . I 'm sure of it . Probably . 9 PM Skate Time : My second grader has a skating party on Friday night from 7 - 9 PM . I don 't even go out that late anymore . The thought of driving to Harmony at that time of night so she can repeatedly trip and fall on the skating rink and then cry in frustration because she 's learning to skate two hours past her usual bedtime … let 's just say I 'm more of a Sunday afternoon skate kind of girl . 8 Smart Carts to Build : My husband , Jarred , is swamped in the month of December with eight Smart Carts to build . Smart Carts are cart with a box that can hold feed or small animals ( like litters of pigs ) , with a scale for weighing whatever is in the box . Normally , he gets orders of one or two at a time . He recently redesigned the carts to simplify the construction , but eight at once is sort of a beautiful burden . 7 Frozen Waterers : Jarred also designed a new low - maintenance winter - proof chicken waterer , but he hasn 't had time to finish it yet ( see above ) . In the mean time , we deal with frozen water for the chickens , which means watering twice a day . If I could just teach the chickens to enjoy ice cubes , life would be much easier . 6 : 30 Cub Scouts : I realize there is no 6 : 30 in the song , but this is just one of the events in our week of something going on every single night . In the busiest month of the year , we let our six - year - old join cub scouts . He 's pretty excited about obeying the law of the pack . 5 CHRISTMAS TREES ! That 's the total in our house these days . We cut down a big old beauty from Van Normans 's Tree Farm , and then each of our kids also has their own little artificial tree that they set up , too . But wait , we also have one in the toy room . That makes six . For song purposes , though , we 'll just stick with five . It 's more glorious sounding that way . 4 Dozen Norwegian Cookies . First of all , I would like to state that I am not a single drop Norwegian . I am primarily Luxembourger . However , I married into the Norske culture , so when surrounded by Norwegians , learn Norwegian things . Last Saturday night , I spent a wild night of three hours rolling out four dozen Berlinerkranzer cookies for the Norwegian Festival at church . My kids looked at the cookies and said , " Where 's the frosting and sprinkles ? " I told them in my serious low voice " There was no Betty Crocker frosting on the cold , frozen fjords of Norway . These are the stark cookies of a rugged , independent people . " And then they asked , " Could we just put sprinkles on them anyway ? " They 're only part Norwegian , after all . 3 . 5 Hours of Christmas Pageant . I love nothing more than seeing little kids dressed up like sheep and wisemen singing " Silent Night , " but as anyone who 's ever helped with a Christmas program knows , those cute little programs don 't just happen by themselves . It took an hour of practice and some tasty brunch to keep everyone 's energy up for the hour - long church service . All told , three and a half hours … plenty of opportunity for practicing patience . 2 . 5 Hours on Bleachers . ( Yes , this song goes on and on , just like real life . ) Last night at school we enjoyed the delights of another holiday performance for 2 . 5 hours . The first hour was pleasant . Then my two - year - old daughter in a long red holiday dress wanted to leap off the bleachers in exhausted boredom . Not tripping and getting a bloody nose : a Christmas miracle . 2 Trees Cut Down : The highlight of my week was heading out in the frigid cold to Van Norman 's Tree Farm . I grew up just a few miles from there , and even got a plane ride from Willis Van Norman as a kid . I think this was the first time in about 20 years , though , that I 've been out to their place . It was great to see a former neighbor . Heading there felt like the real Minnesotan tree hunting experience : trees , farm fields , and quiet . And A Check - Up Before Insurance Changes : I figured the simple thing would be to get a routine check - up before the end of the year . I incorrectly assumed it would be quick . Ninety minutes later , I walked out . That made me a half - hour late to our kids ' dentist appointments ( see above ) . I 'm quite healthy , but that routine checkup gave me high blood pressure . All light - hearted Christmas griping aside , may your Christmas be a wonderful one . May your belly be full of delicious food and your heart full of the spirit of Christmas ( the silent night kind , not the stuck at a traffic light kind ) … and your eyes not too sleepy from staying up too late wrapping presents or being out on the town " spreading good cheer , " yes , that 's what I 'll call it . Happy holidays , everyone ! Wishing you all the best . One year ago we said our goodbyes to our family and friends in Montana and pulled out onto the highway , moving out of my husband 's hometown . We drove all night . One year ago we showed up at Mom 's house just in time for Sunday brunch . Surprise ! Nobody in Minnesota knew we were coming that day . One year ago , I walked around our new house in dazed amazement . In an exhausted stupor from driving through the night , I took in walls freshly painted by my family , beds set up , and furniture already arranged . Our family here put in countless hours while we were still back in Montana . I remember people asking me where I wanted things , but I really didn 't have any answers . The whole scene felt surreal . After years of searching for " the place , " and months of headaches with realty arrangements and banks , we finally arrived to stay at our new home . One year ago on that day , I didn 't roll on the grass , or kiss the ground , but I certainly felt like it . A few days ago , my husband said he was once again struck by it all as he walked back from the barn one evening after feeding the goats . Yes , we have goats now , that 's another story . Looking across the quiet yard in the country , seeing a warm house with a snow - covered landscape all around , all silent and peaceful at dusk , it struck him all over again how much he loves where we live . On a related note , as winter ( hopefully ) wraps up , I just want to say thank you to everyone that drives snow plows , helping keep the roads clear this winter . While all Minnesotans love to discuss and sometimes grumble about how bad the roads are in the winter , the truth is , I 'm usually amazed by how bad the roads are NOT . As tired as we all are of winter , I 'm guessing snow plow operators are just as tired , if not more , of our hefty late winter snows . Thank you for what you do . Hello again , everyone ! I 'm happy to be writing again after taking some time off during the winter doldrums . Right now the knee - deep snow in our yard suggests that winter may never end , but I 'm not fooled . Winter , you are on the way out , old man . Longer evenings , more daylight … Spring really is on the way , and I am so excited . Leaving Tennessee : My brother and his family moved from Tennessee back to our hometown in Minnesota . They happened to move in on the coldest night of the year . Our extended family turned out in big numbers to help , unloading two packed - full trailers in - 25 wind chills . Frigid weather , but lots of family … welcome to Minnesota , y ' all ! Amazingly , that makes three of us siblings ( and our families ) moving back to MN from other states in one year 's time . Leaving Iowa : I am an ACTRESS ! Well , kind of . I performed in my very first play , " Leaving Iowa , " with the Lanesboro Community Theatre . For that brief time , I was Jessie , the overly talkative waitress with a little attitude . I always secretly wanted to be in a play in high school , but I didn 't have the guts to try out . I 'm so thankful for community theater which makes it " never too late " to try something new . I 'm also thankful for meeting such a fun group of people in the cast and crew . About ten of the 26 cast members were first time actors , so I got to experience the thrill ( and butterflies ) of the new experience right alongside many of my fellow cast members . Truthfully , just walking into the audition almost took more guts than what I thought I had , but I am so thankful I summoned up the courage to do it . I felt butterflies in my stomach for the first time in perhaps years , and I 'm thankful for that , too . I know I 'm still alive and kicking . Living in Minnesota : Most recently , what 's on my mind is the joy of a good , old - fashioned snow day . I realize a snow day for many parents means a stressful scrambling to figure out alternative plans while kids have no school and parents still need to head to work . In that regard , I 'm grateful for a work day that occurs right in our home . Snow days just mean our two school age kids are home to play all day with our two younger children . Just before 6 AM , I checked online and then left a note in the bathroom for our kids announcing the two - hour school delay . I headed back to bed hoping for a few more minutes of sleep after a restless night . I got up for the day at 8 : 00 , after a rare morning of sleeping in . ( Ten years ago , I never would have called 8 AM " sleeping in , " but my perspective has changed a bit . ) And still , I was exhausted and crabby . Four rambunctious kids , housebound in a snowstorm , didn 't sound very appealing . I was not exactly in fine parenting mode , that I know . I beckoned my first grader to come upstairs and read the announcement on the computer screen . She double - checked with me to be sure . Then she was gone . I was a kid again , sitting in front of the radio listening to school closings . I was pondering the likelihood of a cancellation , weighing the odds by the number and proximity of the other school closings . " Ooh , good ! Dover - Eyota 's cancelled ! ! That HAS to mean we 're closed , too ! " I remember the agonizing wait for the announcer to work down to the " S " portion of the list . " St . Ansgar , closed ! They 're always closed , so that doesn 't count . But ooh , we 're next ! " And finally , the words I longed to hear , " St . Charles , closed ! " Via my seven - year - old daughter , I relived that delicious , wonderful freedom of an unexpected day off . Ah , the glorious power of mother nature . A big whopper of a storm , so powerful that even school didn 't stand a chance . The joy of a full day to relish and squander greedily . A snow day is indeed glorious . Just before lunch , the snow ended and I poked my head outside . Inside was mess , melee , and noise . Outside , the world was silent and bright with deep , powdery snow on the windless day . It reminded me of Bozeman , Montana , where I went to college . Bozeman is nestled in a sheltering valley between mountain ranges , so time after time I saw a gentle snowfall pile up six inches of powdery snow , followed by a bright , windless , pleasant winter day . It was a Bozeman kind of day . I rounded up the kids and we headed outside into the powdery goodness . I remember that as a little kid , the snow always seemed so deep . Looking at our 23 - month - old wading in snow over her knees , it suddenly made sense why the snow used to be so much deeper when I was young . The kids meandered through the yard , playing on the snow - covered wood pile and pulling each other around in the sled . They slid down the only hill in our yard : the piled mound of plowed snow . Fluffy with new snow on top , with a frozen sheet of ice covering hard - packed snow beneath , the mound is just right for sliding and MN - style surfing . Snow cream is a simple ice cream - like delicacy that I never heard of in all my snowy Minnesotan upbringing . Ironically , I learned about the treat from my North Carolinian roommate in college , who had a giddy excitement over snow the first year we both went to Montana State . The fresh powder from a new snowfall is ideal snow for making snow cream . Stir together until it looks like soft serve ice cream , and eat immediately ! I provided measurements for people who like exactness , but in all honesty , I don 't measure anything . I just sprinkle sugar , drizzle in cream , add a dash of vanilla and then stir and tweak as needed . Chocolate syrup is also a great addition . Posted on April 17 , 2013 by Kathy 's Chronicles Reply Nothing says " welcome , make yourselves at home " like a loud explosion in your face when you need to use the bathroom . Now that we 're a good halfway into January , I feel like I 'm finally ready for the new year . The round of sickness that plagued our house over Christmas vacation seems to be done . ( Although I hesitate to say things like that , because it sometimes comes back to haunt me . ) It turns out I won the game of " It Strep or Is It a Virus . " My mommy senses predicted correctly and we got a lovely bottle of pink amoxicillin for my six - year - old as our prize . A few days after starting antibiotics she finally started perking up . Now she 's back to her normal self , dancing around the house while singing random songs and correcting her younger siblings about the proper way to do things . We rang in the New Year at our house with several of my brothers and sisters and their families . It was sort of an impromptu affair . My sister from Rochester helped make the night with a heroic last - minute venture to three stores to find noise makers and shiny hats for the occasion . Something about the New Year festivities sparked a memory in my husband that he had a box of fireworks out in his shop . Two years ago , in Montana , we sold fireworks at our gas station . What remained of those were the relatively safe ( or boring , depending on your perspective ) sparklers and exploding booby traps . Yep , we had a hundred sparklers and approximately 800 ( not a typo ) of those exploding things on strings . You know the kind . Pull on each end of the string , and in the middle , the little skinny tube of something slightly explosive suddenly goes BANG ! Hearing an exploding booby trap again brought back a flood of memories ( or maybe I should say " flashbacks " ) from childhood . Thanks to my brother , we grew up with booby traps tied on the bathroom and bedroom doors , hooked onto the old - fashioned hook and eye latches . The door opened a few inches , just enough to make you think all is normal , and then POW ! An explosion , right at eye level , right when you need to pee . And coincidentally , just before most guests arrived , my husband installed a new hook and eye latch on the door of our downstairs bathroom . Then he quietly rigged up the bathroom with a booby trap . We forgot about it until my niece opened the bathroom door . BANG ! It was a total surprise , so mission accomplished , sort of . I was hoping it would 've been one of my brothers , but booby traps aren 't selective . That 's our level of skill as hosts - a little hospitality mixed with a little juvenile delinquency . While we did finally install a lock so people could comfortably use the bathroom without fear of someone accidentally walking in on them , I believe we negated the comfort level with booby traps . Nothing says " welcome , make yourselves at home " like a loud explosion in your face when you need to use the bathroom . With lots of younger kids that can 't make it to midnight , we opted to do our own countdown around 8 : 00 . Through the magic of Youtube , we found the London 2013 New Year 's countdown on the internet . We turned it on , and watched an enormous countdown clock next to Big Ben counting down the seconds , and then saw fabulous blasts of pyrotechnics for another five or ten minutes . Regardless of the actual time here in MN , it looked like a New Year 's celebration , and that 's all that mattered . In fact , the countdown was enough fun that we did it again about three minutes later . You can do that if your New Year 's comes from the internet . And then we did it again . And again . Why do that very best part of New Year 's only once a year ? Around 10 : 00 , the " late partyers " had another round of New Year 's countdowns . Turns out , even the sixth time around it 's still fun to obnoxiously blow noisemakers in your brother 's face . It really doesn 't matter if you 're six or thirty - four , that sort of thing just reverts everyone to their kid state for a few minutes . And hey , isn 't that what the New Year is for ? Starting over new and fresh and excited for a new year ? In the smoky haze that encircled us in the freezing air , my sister joked , " Well , at least it will keep the mosquitoes away . " A few minutes later , my brother came outside and walked into the smoky cloud and made the same joke . Obviously , great minds think alike . Post sparklers , some people headed home and the rest went inside . Back in the house I discovered , much to my dismay , that the auto - play of endless " Auld Lang Syne " songs had now switched to the Korean version of the song . Terrible . I switched it to Meatloaf , always a family crowd - pleaser . At 11 : 00 as the New Year rang in over on the east coast , the last of us watched the ball drop in New York . We hoped to see our sister , who made the trip to NYC with her husband for her " bucket list " New Year 's Eve moment . An hour or so earlier , we all stood in the kitchen talking to her on speaker phone , as she stood in Times Square . The wonders of modern life are pretty cool sometimes . When midnight rolled around , my husband and I laughed at hosting a New Year 's party , but celebrating the true New Year with just the two of us . We stood amid a delightful mess of forgotten noisemakers and empty cups , and flipped through channels looking for one last countdown . Thank goodness La Crosse had a wimpy fireworks display on live feed , along with some local commentators , " Oh ya , folks , and here we are , in da new year ! You betcha " . After celebrating about ten New Year 's countdowns in the evening , I felt properly ready to welcome in 2013 . The final highlight of the evening ? My brother took 144 booby traps , planning to rig up Mom 's house before she got home from her New Year 's celebration that night . Yep , that guy that 's married and has a toddler is still my brother . That made my night . We 're awful sometimes . I 'm guessing it didn 't happen , because my mother never told horrific stories of nearly having a heart attack time and time again upon arriving home that night . And now , I blew his cover . But maybe not . You never know when the explosions are coming , Mom . You just have to continually open every door with caution . And as everyone knows , it 's not the actual explosion that 's the big deal , it 's the worry that you might be next . It 's the never knowing . Is this the day ? That 's the real beauty of those things , the mental torture . No , wait . Maybe it 's not Mom . Maybe someone else in the family will get the booby traps . Open that cabinet door and … BANG ! Happy New Year , indeed . Posted on April 15 , 2013 by Kathy 's Chronicles Reply The must - have item on the Christmas list this year ? Children 's ibuprofen . It 's not exactly what I thought would be the most requested item , but I 'm awfully thankful I had an ample supply ready for the holidays . My kindergartner and first grader kicked off Christmas vacation two days early , thanks to the winter storm school cancellations . My kindergartner celebrated with a fever on the couch those two days , glassy - eyed and wiped out . Since this is the season of giving , he shared with his siblings , too . A few days later , the fever and glassy eyes moved on to our littlest one . And one by one , each kid complained of being " so cold " even though their bodies were burning hot . The night before Christmas Eve I count as one of my worst nights of sleep in a long time , and I don 't exactly have high expectations in the sleep department . Good nights of sleep ended seven years ago , and they haven 't come back yet . Getting out of bed once or twice is the norm , as is getting woken up at 5 AM by a half - pint . That night , though , was a monster . We had three different sick kids crawl into our bed in the course of the night looking for snuggles . Thank goodness for king - sized beds . Although , the size of the bed doesn 't seem to matter : any child takes up at least half , and then my husband and I get squished onto whatever remains . I lost count of how many times I crawled out of the crowded bed to dose pain reliever , drinks of water , or find missing blankets . When morning came on Christmas Eve , my Christmas spirit was decidedly surly . Even with a crew of sick and half - sick kids , I have to say , on the night of Christmas Eve I felt filled to the brim with happiness . As I held our 20 - month - old and she nursed to sleep , I had a moonlit view of a snowy yard and our barn and silo . On that peaceful , silent night , it felt like Christmas , and it felt like home . I held a sweet , funny , beautiful little girl in my arms . A few hours before , our family filled a church pew with four kids decked out in their holiday clothes . Nobody lit anyone else on fire during the candlelit portion of the service , and until they petered out , we had a lot of joyful noise in our house on Christmas Eve . My ideal Christmas is a little Norman Rockwell mixed with a little of the Griswold family from the movie Christmas Vacation . And that is pretty doable . On Christmas Day , we had a fine candlelit turkey dinner at noon in our pajamas with a few sides of ibuprofen . Afternoon naps ( highly valued at our house ) followed by warm baths for achy kids gave everyone enough steam for a Christmas supper at Grandma 's . Thirty - seven people , if my tally is correct , made Grandma 's house bursting full and slightly chaotic . And if you 're from a big family like me , that feels just about right . The day after Christmas felt like holiday hangover . Two very sick kiddos , one so - so , and one just tired , all of us were worn out from the rush of Christmas excitement . On days like that , I don 't know where the time goes , but it stretches on and on in repetitive motions of holding , comforting , dosing , and stepping over Christmas toys . I never have enough arms . In that exhausting day , one of the highlights was seeing my sick , listless six - year - old eat two bowls of steaming homemade turkey noodle soup . She hadn 't wanted anything because her throat hurt too much , but I put some in front of her anyway . Slowly one bowl disappeared , and then another . Afterward , she perked up and said her throat felt better , at least momentarily . It was a small triumph in an otherwise exhausting mothering marathon . My other highlight that day was seeing my husband pull in the driveway with a trailer full of wood in tow . He and my brother - in - law spent the afternoon cutting and loading wood , and happiness is the sight of plenty of wood for a cozy , warm house . Happiness is also seeing another parent return home to help share the load of sick kids . And today , my Christmas vacation outing will be a visit to the Fast Care Clinic with my daughter . We 're making the 45 - minute drive to Rochester to play every parent 's favorite game : " Is It Strep or Is It Just a Virus ? " If we guess correctly that it 's strep , we 'll be rewarded with a bottle of pink amoxicillin . If we guess incorrectly , we 'll go home with some wonderful parting gifts : free new germs from the clinic , and a complimentary wasted afternoon . The best part , though , of the " Is It Strep or Is It A Virus ? " game is that win or lose , every player receives a generous clinic bill just for participating . Oooh , I can hardly wait . ' Tis the season for sore throats and achy bodies , but all isn 't lost on this Christmas vacation . As I write this , we 've still got five days of vacation time left . I predict a full recovery of the household , and ringing in the New Year with busy bodies ready to hit the sledding hill . Just the same , I 'll replenish my stash of medicine while I 'm in town today . While that hardly seems possible , my mental tally confirms that all - too - big number . However , this past weekend I rectified that tree - cutting deficiency . We went out to Saratoga and hunted down a trophy worthy of mounting in the living room . It stands over eight feet tall , just shy of scraping the nine foot ceilings in our living room , and our children decorated it beautifully . Well , to be more accurate , they thoroughly decorated the bottom four feet with slightly smashed ornaments that they made last year , but I think it 's perfect . That tree - cutting event brought back some of my very favorite Christmas tree hunting memories . One tree in particular stands out in my memory . The behemoth . The one that scraped the sparkly textured ceiling , causing Mom to scream and yell in horror . I was six years old at the time , and it was GRAND . The tree came from the back of our farm . That year it was snowy , so we fired up our snowmobiles for the tree hunt . That alone made the tree hunting wonderful . Our snowmobiles , which we always referred to by their given names , the Panther and El Tigre , were the tree hunting vehicles . I rode in the Cat Cutter , hooked onto the back of one of the snowmobiles . The Cat Cutter was a magnificent 1970 's snowcoach that hooked on the back of a snowmobile , meant for hauling an extra kid or two . We would usually wedge in at least three of us . I knew back then that the Cat Cutter was the essence of cool . I loved hopping in and getting rides , and I still remember the tiger print fabric on the inside . So we rode out in snowmobiles to the back of the farm . We parked in front of the towering evergreen trees . I remember struggling to plow my short legs through the deep snow to get closer to the trees . Then , like brothers and sisters are supposed to do , a good half dozen of my older siblings proceeded to argue and discuss which tree top would make the best Christmas tree . At six , I had no voting power , so I mostly stayed quiet . Settling on a good tree , one of my brothers ( either David or Mike ) climbed up the giant evergreen while carrying the hand saw , and slowly lopped off the top . I remember watching the tree top wiggle and shake , and finally , seeing the awesome crash of the tree top falling to the ground . TIMBER ! It was fabulous . If I remember correctly , on this particular year , we misjudged the height of the tree top from our vantage point on the ground , and the first one that he lopped off was way too short . I recall some choice angry words over who was to blame for the short tree snafu . Somehow , while standing hot and sweaty in the cold snow , it didn 't sound appealing to my brother to climb another tree , perch in branches , and wield a saw to lop off another magical Christmas memory . Nonetheless , he climbed up another tree and sawed off another tree top . Task accomplished , my brothers jerked the starter cords a few times to fire up the snowmobiles , filling the cold winter air with the sound of revving engines and the smell of snowmobile gas . I do love that smell . To me , the scent of snowmobile gas , like the scent of wood smoke , is the smell of a good time . Runny nose ? Cold ? Snow spray in the face ? As an adult it doesn 't sound all that appealing . As a kid , though , I was a little Minnesotan girl in winter heaven . I was six years old , out with my brothers and sisters on a Christmas tree mission , riding home on snowmobiles and dragging a tree after cutting it down and watching it fall . I knew it was one of the most glorious moments of my life , one of those moments so spectacular that I couldn 't believe it was real , and I didn 't want it to end . That wonderful tree , like the Grinch 's heart , seemingly grew several sizes . We arrived home and after stuffing , tugging , and pushing , they crammed the tree through the front door , and then SCRAAAAAPE ! A long scratch , forever commemorating that year 's tree , gouged into Mom 's sparkly textured ceiling . Mom 's ensuing yelling ? Yep , I still remember that , too . As horrifying as wrecking Mom 's ceiling was , oh man , that tree was ever so grand . My sister , Sues , took a Christmas morning picture of me in front of that tree . In the picture I 'm sitting in blue rose pajamas . I remember not liking those pajamas that mom made for one of my older brothers , and I remember thinking that my hair was messy , so I didn 't want my picture taken . But now I look back at that , and I love it . In the background is an astonishing mound of Christmas presents . If we got something , it usually came to us at Christmas time . We didn 't get birthday presents , so that was the one gift time of the year . With a dozen siblings , most still living at home at the time , Christmas day was huge . On Christmas morning , I was the first one awake . I sifted through the wrapped boxes and pulled out what I thought was my Cabbage Patch . I set it aside on the couch , ready to be opened as soon as I had the green light go ahead when everyone else got out of bed . After patiently waiting through the Today Show , everyone finally came downstairs , and I finally got to open my doll . Like a six - year - old dreams , it was just the one that I 'd wanted . I finally could hold it in my arms . I think it 's still floating around in the toy box at my mom 's house , and my six - year - old daughter now occasionally plays with it . With my own kids , I don 't know what memories will forever etch into their hearts . I don 't know yet what they 'll look back on and laughingly tell stories about when they 're grown up . I do know , though , that Christmas this year is special . It is our first Christmas in our new house , the house we are going to live in " forever " , and we have four young kids who believe in the magic of Santa and the wonder of Christmas . I think heading out and sawing down our tree is a good start on the holiday . Timber ! Our Prairie Nest : A Simple LifeThe best things in life are nearest : Breath in your nostrils , light in your eyes , flowers at your feet , duties at your hand , the path of right just before you . Then do not grasp at the stars , but do life 's plain , common work as it comes , certain that daily duties and daily bread are the sweetest things in life . ~ Robert Louis StevensonFrühlingskabine Micro - Farm From a scrappy 1 / 4 acre to a homestead on more ! Livestock , gardening , meat , wool , eggs , dairy , DIY projects , and life from scratch . Domestic ImperfectionReflections on life and motherhood . . . with a dash of humor . IHeart OrganizingReflections on life and motherhood . . . with a dash of humor . Clover LaneReflections on life and motherhood . . . with a dash of humor . A Project for Kindness " No act of kindness , no matter how small , is ever wasted " , AesopSheepy Hollow Farm Home to Wooly Tyme Shetlands & Kids Play Dairy GoatsThe ClotheslineChronicles of an overwhelmed motherThe Ozark Houseagrarian . intentional . understated . life . Hemlock AdventuresPhotography and musings from a rustic life in the Northeast woodsDaddy 's TractorOur life on the family farm ! My Chicken Obsession " I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately , to front only the essential facts of life , and see if I could not learn what it had to teach , and not , when I came to die , discover that I had not lived . " Henry David ThoreauHappily Occupied HomebodiesMaking Home the Best Place on EarthfarmeristaSingle woman tackles a farm with style Angel Baby QuiltsThe Sun Dog DriftCity girl turned country woman writes about life on a ridge with her Golden Retrievers the " Sun Dogs " her horses , goats , and a wild burro named Rosie . momaste the mom in me bows to the mom in youGarden of EveGrowing my own , from garden to table . The Natural Poultry Farming GuideA complete guide to natural organic ethical poultry keepingjeffhite . wordpress . com / Barely Controlled Chaos Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
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The lovely flowers that the bride and groom gave me at the wedding are still reasonably fresh . Bits of Daughter 2 's bouquet are still blooming , amazingly enough . But it 's been a bad couple of weeks - missing Daughter 2 so much but also worrying about my mother , who 's been diagnosed with cancer . I didn 't blog about this before in case Daughter 2 , on her honeymoon , read this . Mum will have an operation the week after next to remove part of her bowel , a serious procedure for anyone but especially an 89 - year - old . It 's been a beautiful week of Indian summer and the pair of us went to the Botanics . Mum is being very stoical but clearly expects the worst . The nerines were stunning . Son dropped in yesterday afternoon to accompany us to hear what the surgeon 's going to do . It doesn 't sound fun . The procedures leading up to this point haven 't been fun for Mum either . We 've spent a long time in various hospital departments . Son and I went for a walk in the park . It was very sunny . Mum is going to move in with us on Sunday even though her flat isn 't yet sold . Still don 't have the official pictures while the bride and groom are honeymooning . This picture is from my brother . Yes , I 'm the dumpy person in blue looking as if she doesn 't like having her picture taken . Or wearing high heels . Moving on . . . Two exchanges from yesterday : 1 . I was at the mini - supermarket , standing still in the middle of the aisle , when a severe lady looked at me as if wondering what I was doing . Me : I 'm just trying to think what I came in for . Severe lady [ severely ] : You should have a list . Me [ humbly ] : " Yes , you 're right . " Severe lady : " I don 't have a list either . " Later2 . I 'd just come back from the dry cleaners with Daughter 2 's wedding dress and was still weak at the knees at what it had cost to clean . ( I did remember that Daughter 1 's dress was expensive , but not that expensive . ) I climbed out of the car and said hello to my neighbour , whose daughter has just got engaged . Neighbour [ over hedge , seeing me carrying dress ] : You still doing wedding things ? Me : Do you know how much it costs to get a wedding dress cleaned ? £ 75 ! ! ! ! ! ! Neighour [ blenching - it 's not often that you get the chance to type that word ] : I was thinking we might buy a dress for about that much . Me : [ laughs uproariously but with a touch of pity ] . Neighbour : So that 's just the small change , is it ? Kind of . Still , she did look lovely . Some of the reasons why our recent family wedding was a bit complicated . 1 . The bride lives in London while the wedding is in Edinburgh . The bridesmaids live in 1 ) London 2 ) Cambridge 3 ) Edinburgh . 2 . The bride didn 't like any dress available in Edinburgh or London so one was made by a dressmaker in Edinburgh . ( Let me remind you that the bride lives in London . ) It 's not that she 's difficult , but she wanted a non - strapless , non - plunging dress , which doesn 't seem to exist in shops . 3 . One of the bridesmaids , Daughter 1 , was pregnant for most of the lead - up to the wedding so her dress had to be made , shortly before the wedding , in material to match , as far as possible , the other bridesmaids ' dresses . 4 . The groom , an actor , was in Edinburgh for much of the previous month , busy doing improvised musicals , so therefore nowhere near the bride . 5 . The bride works in a 3 - person architecture practice , one of whom ( the boss ) is hardly ever in the office . She therefore single - handedly designed a restaurant which opened the week of the wedding and also a shoe museum . Thus she was in the office till 9 o ' clock most evenings . 6 . She was nonetheless a perfectionist regarding to the artistic details of the wedding stationery . 7 . She therefore designed the invitations , drawing ( on the computer , using a special architect 's program for drawing things ) a leaf pattern to be used ( with elegant variations ) on every single related piece of paper : thank - you letters , place cards , menus , table plan … all of which had to be printed out . In aqua ink . On our computers . On special paper . Mainly in the day or two before the wedding . With the assistance of cats . 8 . This included having badges with fun facts about everyone pinned to the back of the place cards ( which each , of course , had the person 's photo on them , culled from various sources . ) This , for 100 + people , requires a lot of organisation . 9 . As for Daughter 1 's wedding , I arranged the flowers in the church and for the reception . This had to be done on the evening before . The chuPosted by It was only a week ago . It seems much more . They 're having a lovely honeymoon . Which is good . But we do miss her . Mr Life was very reluctant to give her away . I felt the same . Still , she was happy . How do you feel about sleeping ? I 'm not very keen on it really . It seems such a waste of time to spend a third of your life - well , somewhat less in my case - unconscious . Not that the cats seem to worry about this sort of thing . Indeed , catching them awake is quite a skill . I think it 's more than that , though . I find sleep a bit of a struggle . I have to read until my head is nodding a bit , usually till about 1 or so , but then the process of putting the bookmark in the book , laying the book on my bedside table and switching off the light tends to wake me up again . So I lie there , bored , for a while , or listen to the radio via my under - pillow loudspeaker . Usually it doesn 't actually take very long to get to sleep , but I don 't like lying there in the dark for any time at all . And then I always wake a lot during the night and look at the clock . Often I wake about 2 and then 3 and then 4 , 5 and 6 and by then , I 'm relieved that it 's nearly morning at last . And anyway , I don 't like the idea of being asleep , lying there vulnerable to any passing intruder . It 's all very tedious and I would prefer that we were designed just to lie down for a wee while with our eyes shut , listening to something on the radio which preferably isn 't news of all the depressing things going on in the world , ready to spring up in case of burglars . I suppose I should have been a cat . That 's more or less what they do , give or take the radio or the eagerness to confront burglars . Today 's been lovely and mild and sunny and I spent most of it gardening ( oh , how much better than marking ) . At one point I came in for a little break and lay down on the sofa in an S shape , avoiding the furry friends who were occupying most of the space . Well , not most of the space . But the bits I might have wanted to put my head or feet on . And Sirius got up and lay with his side against my head and his head nestled in my hand , and purred . And I dozed lightly for fifteen minutes till someone sent a text to my phone in the adjoining room , which roused me . That 's the kind of slePosted by Urgh , it 's been one of those weeks . I haven 't had time to visit most of my favourite blogs or even to look at Mr Life 's photos of the wedding . Frustratingly , the official photos were taken by a friend of New SIL and for some unaccountable reason she probably feels that the happy couple should see them first . . . . The HC are on a Greek island in the sun . I 'm sure it 's much like autumnal Edinburgh . Or not . Anyway , here are the three bridesmaids ( Daughter 1 , Best Friend and my lovely niece ) with the bride . And the bouquets , complete with hastily tied ribbons . So these are my rubbish photos but look who came to his first wedding , in a special wedding outfit and a Very Silly ( but cute ) Hat . The hat came from friends in Spain . Maybe Spanish baby boys are more in touch with their feminine side than ours tend to be . And here 's my nephew being silly with his sister 's bouquet . He 's half - Scottish and half - American but he wears the kilt well , despite its being my brother 's old kilt , bought when he ( my brother ) was 20 or something . Kilts don 't date , though as Nephew complained gently , he is built on rather more hunky lines than my skinny brother . A few days before the wedding , there was a working party to assist with preparations . He whom I must now call Son - in - Law 1 lent his services to the operation . Daughter 2 and Son - in - Law - 2 - to - be made place cards with photos of the guests on the front ( and their names on the back ) and , attached to these , a badge with a fun fact about them . This was extremely time - consuming . But quite amusing . Here are , therefore , some of the guests ' pictures . On the morning of the wedding , a bridesmaid 's chap makes toast . His bridesmaid lady friend makes the bridesmaids ' bouquets . To put herself in the mood , she wears Daughter 1 's wedding tiara . Now they make the bride 's bouquet , while the bride , still in her pyjamas , achieves elegance by wearing her own tiara - type - thing . Done . Well , apart from the ribbons to be wound round them , which we forgot about till the wedding car was sitting in the street . There was then a bit of an unseemly rush . Son is subjected to a tiara . The flowers still in the buckets are for buttonholes . To be continued . When I get a moment . My moments are currently rather full . Daughter 2 got married yesterday . Here she is with one of her bridesmaids , decorating the cake . Here is my niece , another bridesmaid , folding orders of service . The wedding was lovely but complicated . The guests were mainly architects and actors so artistic considerations had to be adhered to at all times and production values had to be high . A lot was achieved by d - i - y rather than vast expense ; though expense did also feature . None of this was conducive to a tidy house . Various house guests came and went . Much tea was drunk and food consumed . Many dishes were washed . Much washing of sheets and towels has been done and much still remains to be done . Ribbon , paper , flowers and other remnants are all still in evidence . A few tears were shed , though not by the bride or groom . Miraculously , the sun shone . More will follow , including possibly some pictures of men in kilts for Anna . Now I must go and have a restorative bath . ( Two weddings down , one to go - Son gets married next July . He says that his wedding will be less exhausting . ) This is the garden last year . See all that yellow coreopsis in the big flowerbed ? It was spreading and choking all around it , so in the autumn , with great toil , I dug every bit of it out . And this is it this year . Hmm . I think I must have missed a bit . Nothing really to say except it 's hard to forget that September day , 10 years ago yesterday . We remember it as a family because Daughter 2 was in the air while the hijackings were taking place . Fortunately she was on her way to Sweden . So many others were not so fortunate . I wonder what the chances are that this is being read by the person who kicked off Son 's young lady 's wing mirrors from her parked car some time overnight on Saturday ? No , I don 't think so either . I wonder what satisfaction it gave this person . She 's a hardworking young doctor who has to drive 30 miles to the hospital she 's working at just now . Hard to fathom . Lots of things are hard to fathom , aren 't they ? The advantage of being a baby is that , when you 're tired and weary from having your nappy changed , you can just shut your eyes and have a nap . Dreaming , maybe , of being a ballet dancer . The advantage of being a parent is that you can dress your baby up as an elf and it doesn 't occur to him to object . See his appley hat ? This is what it looked like before . Daughter 1 made an apple stencil and applied fabric paints . And . . . . snooze . ( Your lovely shawl is getting well used , Dianne ! ) On Monday , I went to Queensferry and had lunch with my friend J . Here she is , taking a picture of the Forth Rail Bridge . J lives in Queensferry and is very involved in the community . ( J is not a large person - much of that black round her trousers is shadow , not her legs . ) We had a lovely time . I don 't know if this is proverbial only in Scotland , but here we refer to an endless task as " like painting the Forth Bridge " , since as soon as the painting is completed at one end , the painters have to start again at the other . However , no longer : a new , longer - lasting paint has been developed so that by the spring , it 'll be finished and won 't have to be done again for a few years . So they say . On the way home , I walked past this huge house that 's being built fairly near where we live . I should say that our house is not far from a very posh area featuring mansions owned by millionaires . There was a very nice house here before , with swimming pool and all , but it was demolished and now this ridiculous great castley thing has been rising from the ruins . As I passed , a young workman emerged , crossed the road ( there 's no pavement on the other side ) and walked along near me . I engaged him in conversation and he said that the new owner had bought the previous house for £ 2 million and that the replacement was costing £ 6 million . I can quite believe this since the building has been going on for ages and it 's huge . It 's not actually leaning like the Tower of Pisa , as it looks in my picture . I don 't find it beautiful . And it seems very wasteful . Was it later that day that Daughter 1 and I took Grandson to the supermarket ? This is how I too feel about shopping . Today we went to Dr Neil 's garden at Duddingston Loch , but he didn 't seem to be impressed by that either . The weather has been discouragingly nice this week . I do hope it 's not saving up its rain for Daughter 2 's wedding next weekend . I suppose I must be biased in thinking that Grandson is exceptionally cute . On the whole , he 's a very jolly sort of chap , which helps . Just think how handsome he 'll be once his hair grows back . I wasn 't feeling jolly this morning when I made the mistake of phoning up the company to which I paid lots of money in AVCs ( additional voluntary contributions ) to supplement my meagre pension . I was just wanting to be sent some information but the lady kept me on the phone for half an hour , asking difficult questions . Some of these I understood . With the others - there 's a limit to the number of times one can say , " Sorry , I don 't quite follow that . " I did gather that as long as I live to about 150 I might get a reasonable amount of the money back . I was a bit surprised to be told , by the way , that the average life expectancy of a woman who gets to 65 is 89 . ( Not 65 + 89 , you understand . Just 89 . ) I really don 't know if I can be bothered living that long . Not unless I can figure out how to work our new television . It 's annoying ( I find ) how I 've become de - skilled over the years . When I was young , I was perfectly capable of switching on the telly . Now the thing requires the erudition of a systems analyst and I have to get Mr Life to do it for me . Which is why I watch hardly any telly now . No doubt this has happened because lots of smart young men wanted to make the whole thing more technically perfect , while people like me were quite happy just to walk over to the device and press a button to make a good - enough picture appear on any one of three channels . Who needs digital pictures and millions of garbage - carrying channels ? Not me , especially since I can 't access any of them without the old chap . I tell you , he 'll have to live to 152 so as to keep me amused with moving pictures in my old age . And cars - why can 't they make them all the same ? Well , ok , they could do them in a range of sizes ( big , medium and small ) and of course a good choice of colours . But I think that they should all be standard in other ways : all the contPosted by I 've turned into one of those retired people who wonder where the week went . I don 't think that Sirius , relaxing in the sun , is troubled by any such questions . Another question is : how come that I have such a huge pile of ironing , when I used to work full time plus an evening and do ironing for five of us and it never built up so much ? Very mysterious . All the publicity says that they 've made more room for exhibits but it didn 't look like that to us . It 's now got lots of empty space - and then there 's another eatery on the first balcony , where there used to be cases filled with stuff . Still , it 's had a nice lick of paint . I 'm sure there are deeper reasons why it 's been closed for three years or something and cost millions of pounds . This post is mainly for my Son - in - Law . He , Daughter 1 and Grandson are down in Worcester so that Grandson can experience the other half of his genetic heritage and meet his extended family and friends . So we 're guinea - pig - sitting . Brownie , Cupcake and Pumpkin are the most carefully tended guinea pigs in the country , with their diet scientifically controlled : it features supplements of vitamins ( multivitamins and extra vitamin C ) , probiotic powder and cranberry juice . We take our responsibilities seriously and are following the detailed instructions to the letter . Look , SIL , here they are , capering about and perfectly happy . And yes , they 're drinking . I 've seen them . We 're also enjoying a flying visit from Son and his young lady . So far , they 've eaten mainly toast . And it 's - well , not positively raining , but dull and damp . This summer 's been the dullest and dampest since 1929 or something ( this may be slightly inaccurate but 1929 came into a newspaper report somewhere ) . Anyway , it 's been fairly rubbish . I met some nice people from Wisconsin yesterday and they said that their summer 's been terrible too - so hot and dry . Truly the world has its variations . And here 's Sirius having a drink . Having mastered ( well , sort of . . . ) my first tune on the piano , I 've now started to practise " What a friend we have in Jesus " , picked more or less randomly from the hymn book . Well , I did make sure I chose one with only one flat . But each hand has two simultaneous notes ! ! Very tricky ! Chords , I suppose you 'd call them . I haven 't quite mastered this . I recently read an article about Benjamin Grosvenor , a young British pianist , in which he said he practised for eight hours a day . This might explain why I 'm not so good as he is . Possibly ten minutes every three days isn 't likely to have the same effect . And I dare say I ought to be practising scales or something . Still . It 's quite fun - in a very frustrating sort of non - fun way . Posted by Pam I 'm a retired English teacher and live with my husband in Edinburgh . I enjoy reading , gardening , singing and walking ; and am a beginner quilter . Our children are all married . Daughter 1 lives in Edinburgh and is the mother of the much - loved Grandson and Granddaughter - the - Elder . Daughter 2 lives ( too far away ) in London to the south . Son lives ( too far away ) 65 miles to the north and is the father of the dear baby Granddaughter - the - Younger .
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The lovely flowers that the bride and groom gave me at the wedding are still reasonably fresh . Bits of Daughter 2 's bouquet are still blooming , amazingly enough . But it 's been a bad couple of weeks - missing Daughter 2 so much but also worrying about my mother , who 's been diagnosed with cancer . I didn 't blog about this before in case Daughter 2 , on her honeymoon , read this . Mum will have an operation the week after next to remove part of her bowel , a serious procedure for anyone but especially an 89 - year - old . It 's been a beautiful week of Indian summer and the pair of us went to the Botanics . Mum is being very stoical but clearly expects the worst . The nerines were stunning . Son dropped in yesterday afternoon to accompany us to hear what the surgeon 's going to do . It doesn 't sound fun . The procedures leading up to this point haven 't been fun for Mum either . We 've spent a long time in various hospital departments . Son and I went for a walk in the park . It was very sunny . Mum is going to move in with us on Sunday even though her flat isn 't yet sold . Still don 't have the official pictures while the bride and groom are honeymooning . This picture is from my brother . Yes , I 'm the dumpy person in blue looking as if she doesn 't like having her picture taken . Or wearing high heels . Moving on . . . Two exchanges from yesterday : 1 . I was at the mini - supermarket , standing still in the middle of the aisle , when a severe lady looked at me as if wondering what I was doing . Me : I 'm just trying to think what I came in for . Severe lady [ severely ] : You should have a list . Me [ humbly ] : " Yes , you 're right . " Severe lady : " I don 't have a list either . " Later2 . I 'd just come back from the dry cleaners with Daughter 2 's wedding dress and was still weak at the knees at what it had cost to clean . ( I did remember that Daughter 1 's dress was expensive , but not that expensive . ) I climbed out of the car and said hello to my neighbour , whose daughter has just got engaged . Neighbour [ over hedge , seeing me carrying dress ] : You still doing wedding things ? Me : Do you know how much it costs to get a wedding dress cleaned ? £ 75 ! ! ! ! ! ! Neighour [ blenching - it 's not often that you get the chance to type that word ] : I was thinking we might buy a dress for about that much . Me : [ laughs uproariously but with a touch of pity ] . Neighbour : So that 's just the small change , is it ? Kind of . Still , she did look lovely . Some of the reasons why our recent family wedding was a bit complicated . 1 . The bride lives in London while the wedding is in Edinburgh . The bridesmaids live in 1 ) London 2 ) Cambridge 3 ) Edinburgh . 2 . The bride didn 't like any dress available in Edinburgh or London so one was made by a dressmaker in Edinburgh . ( Let me remind you that the bride lives in London . ) It 's not that she 's difficult , but she wanted a non - strapless , non - plunging dress , which doesn 't seem to exist in shops . 3 . One of the bridesmaids , Daughter 1 , was pregnant for most of the lead - up to the wedding so her dress had to be made , shortly before the wedding , in material to match , as far as possible , the other bridesmaids ' dresses . 4 . The groom , an actor , was in Edinburgh for much of the previous month , busy doing improvised musicals , so therefore nowhere near the bride . 5 . The bride works in a 3 - person architecture practice , one of whom ( the boss ) is hardly ever in the office . She therefore single - handedly designed a restaurant which opened the week of the wedding and also a shoe museum . Thus she was in the office till 9 o ' clock most evenings . 6 . She was nonetheless a perfectionist regarding to the artistic details of the wedding stationery . 7 . She therefore designed the invitations , drawing ( on the computer , using a special architect 's program for drawing things ) a leaf pattern to be used ( with elegant variations ) on every single related piece of paper : thank - you letters , place cards , menus , table plan … all of which had to be printed out . In aqua ink . On our computers . On special paper . Mainly in the day or two before the wedding . With the assistance of cats . 8 . This included having badges with fun facts about everyone pinned to the back of the place cards ( which each , of course , had the person 's photo on them , culled from various sources . ) This , for 100 + people , requires a lot of organisation . 9 . As for Daughter 1 's wedding , I arranged the flowers in the church and for the reception . This had to be done on the evening before . The chuPosted by It was only a week ago . It seems much more . They 're having a lovely honeymoon . Which is good . But we do miss her . Mr Life was very reluctant to give her away . I felt the same . Still , she was happy . How do you feel about sleeping ? I 'm not very keen on it really . It seems such a waste of time to spend a third of your life - well , somewhat less in my case - unconscious . Not that the cats seem to worry about this sort of thing . Indeed , catching them awake is quite a skill . I think it 's more than that , though . I find sleep a bit of a struggle . I have to read until my head is nodding a bit , usually till about 1 or so , but then the process of putting the bookmark in the book , laying the book on my bedside table and switching off the light tends to wake me up again . So I lie there , bored , for a while , or listen to the radio via my under - pillow loudspeaker . Usually it doesn 't actually take very long to get to sleep , but I don 't like lying there in the dark for any time at all . And then I always wake a lot during the night and look at the clock . Often I wake about 2 and then 3 and then 4 , 5 and 6 and by then , I 'm relieved that it 's nearly morning at last . And anyway , I don 't like the idea of being asleep , lying there vulnerable to any passing intruder . It 's all very tedious and I would prefer that we were designed just to lie down for a wee while with our eyes shut , listening to something on the radio which preferably isn 't news of all the depressing things going on in the world , ready to spring up in case of burglars . I suppose I should have been a cat . That 's more or less what they do , give or take the radio or the eagerness to confront burglars . Today 's been lovely and mild and sunny and I spent most of it gardening ( oh , how much better than marking ) . At one point I came in for a little break and lay down on the sofa in an S shape , avoiding the furry friends who were occupying most of the space . Well , not most of the space . But the bits I might have wanted to put my head or feet on . And Sirius got up and lay with his side against my head and his head nestled in my hand , and purred . And I dozed lightly for fifteen minutes till someone sent a text to my phone in the adjoining room , which roused me . That 's the kind of slePosted by Urgh , it 's been one of those weeks . I haven 't had time to visit most of my favourite blogs or even to look at Mr Life 's photos of the wedding . Frustratingly , the official photos were taken by a friend of New SIL and for some unaccountable reason she probably feels that the happy couple should see them first . . . . The HC are on a Greek island in the sun . I 'm sure it 's much like autumnal Edinburgh . Or not . Anyway , here are the three bridesmaids ( Daughter 1 , Best Friend and my lovely niece ) with the bride . And the bouquets , complete with hastily tied ribbons . So these are my rubbish photos but look who came to his first wedding , in a special wedding outfit and a Very Silly ( but cute ) Hat . The hat came from friends in Spain . Maybe Spanish baby boys are more in touch with their feminine side than ours tend to be . And here 's my nephew being silly with his sister 's bouquet . He 's half - Scottish and half - American but he wears the kilt well , despite its being my brother 's old kilt , bought when he ( my brother ) was 20 or something . Kilts don 't date , though as Nephew complained gently , he is built on rather more hunky lines than my skinny brother . A few days before the wedding , there was a working party to assist with preparations . He whom I must now call Son - in - Law 1 lent his services to the operation . Daughter 2 and Son - in - Law - 2 - to - be made place cards with photos of the guests on the front ( and their names on the back ) and , attached to these , a badge with a fun fact about them . This was extremely time - consuming . But quite amusing . Here are , therefore , some of the guests ' pictures . On the morning of the wedding , a bridesmaid 's chap makes toast . His bridesmaid lady friend makes the bridesmaids ' bouquets . To put herself in the mood , she wears Daughter 1 's wedding tiara . Now they make the bride 's bouquet , while the bride , still in her pyjamas , achieves elegance by wearing her own tiara - type - thing . Done . Well , apart from the ribbons to be wound round them , which we forgot about till the wedding car was sitting in the street . There was then a bit of an unseemly rush . Son is subjected to a tiara . The flowers still in the buckets are for buttonholes . To be continued . When I get a moment . My moments are currently rather full . Daughter 2 got married yesterday . Here she is with one of her bridesmaids , decorating the cake . Here is my niece , another bridesmaid , folding orders of service . The wedding was lovely but complicated . The guests were mainly architects and actors so artistic considerations had to be adhered to at all times and production values had to be high . A lot was achieved by d - i - y rather than vast expense ; though expense did also feature . None of this was conducive to a tidy house . Various house guests came and went . Much tea was drunk and food consumed . Many dishes were washed . Much washing of sheets and towels has been done and much still remains to be done . Ribbon , paper , flowers and other remnants are all still in evidence . A few tears were shed , though not by the bride or groom . Miraculously , the sun shone . More will follow , including possibly some pictures of men in kilts for Anna . Now I must go and have a restorative bath . ( Two weddings down , one to go - Son gets married next July . He says that his wedding will be less exhausting . ) This is the garden last year . See all that yellow coreopsis in the big flowerbed ? It was spreading and choking all around it , so in the autumn , with great toil , I dug every bit of it out . And this is it this year . Hmm . I think I must have missed a bit . Nothing really to say except it 's hard to forget that September day , 10 years ago yesterday . We remember it as a family because Daughter 2 was in the air while the hijackings were taking place . Fortunately she was on her way to Sweden . So many others were not so fortunate . I wonder what the chances are that this is being read by the person who kicked off Son 's young lady 's wing mirrors from her parked car some time overnight on Saturday ? No , I don 't think so either . I wonder what satisfaction it gave this person . She 's a hardworking young doctor who has to drive 30 miles to the hospital she 's working at just now . Hard to fathom . Lots of things are hard to fathom , aren 't they ? The advantage of being a baby is that , when you 're tired and weary from having your nappy changed , you can just shut your eyes and have a nap . Dreaming , maybe , of being a ballet dancer . The advantage of being a parent is that you can dress your baby up as an elf and it doesn 't occur to him to object . See his appley hat ? This is what it looked like before . Daughter 1 made an apple stencil and applied fabric paints . And . . . . snooze . ( Your lovely shawl is getting well used , Dianne ! ) On Monday , I went to Queensferry and had lunch with my friend J . Here she is , taking a picture of the Forth Rail Bridge . J lives in Queensferry and is very involved in the community . ( J is not a large person - much of that black round her trousers is shadow , not her legs . ) We had a lovely time . I don 't know if this is proverbial only in Scotland , but here we refer to an endless task as " like painting the Forth Bridge " , since as soon as the painting is completed at one end , the painters have to start again at the other . However , no longer : a new , longer - lasting paint has been developed so that by the spring , it 'll be finished and won 't have to be done again for a few years . So they say . On the way home , I walked past this huge house that 's being built fairly near where we live . I should say that our house is not far from a very posh area featuring mansions owned by millionaires . There was a very nice house here before , with swimming pool and all , but it was demolished and now this ridiculous great castley thing has been rising from the ruins . As I passed , a young workman emerged , crossed the road ( there 's no pavement on the other side ) and walked along near me . I engaged him in conversation and he said that the new owner had bought the previous house for £ 2 million and that the replacement was costing £ 6 million . I can quite believe this since the building has been going on for ages and it 's huge . It 's not actually leaning like the Tower of Pisa , as it looks in my picture . I don 't find it beautiful . And it seems very wasteful . Was it later that day that Daughter 1 and I took Grandson to the supermarket ? This is how I too feel about shopping . Today we went to Dr Neil 's garden at Duddingston Loch , but he didn 't seem to be impressed by that either . The weather has been discouragingly nice this week . I do hope it 's not saving up its rain for Daughter 2 's wedding next weekend . I suppose I must be biased in thinking that Grandson is exceptionally cute . On the whole , he 's a very jolly sort of chap , which helps . Just think how handsome he 'll be once his hair grows back . I wasn 't feeling jolly this morning when I made the mistake of phoning up the company to which I paid lots of money in AVCs ( additional voluntary contributions ) to supplement my meagre pension . I was just wanting to be sent some information but the lady kept me on the phone for half an hour , asking difficult questions . Some of these I understood . With the others - there 's a limit to the number of times one can say , " Sorry , I don 't quite follow that . " I did gather that as long as I live to about 150 I might get a reasonable amount of the money back . I was a bit surprised to be told , by the way , that the average life expectancy of a woman who gets to 65 is 89 . ( Not 65 + 89 , you understand . Just 89 . ) I really don 't know if I can be bothered living that long . Not unless I can figure out how to work our new television . It 's annoying ( I find ) how I 've become de - skilled over the years . When I was young , I was perfectly capable of switching on the telly . Now the thing requires the erudition of a systems analyst and I have to get Mr Life to do it for me . Which is why I watch hardly any telly now . No doubt this has happened because lots of smart young men wanted to make the whole thing more technically perfect , while people like me were quite happy just to walk over to the device and press a button to make a good - enough picture appear on any one of three channels . Who needs digital pictures and millions of garbage - carrying channels ? Not me , especially since I can 't access any of them without the old chap . I tell you , he 'll have to live to 152 so as to keep me amused with moving pictures in my old age . And cars - why can 't they make them all the same ? Well , ok , they could do them in a range of sizes ( big , medium and small ) and of course a good choice of colours . But I think that they should all be standard in other ways : all the contPosted by I 've turned into one of those retired people who wonder where the week went . I don 't think that Sirius , relaxing in the sun , is troubled by any such questions . Another question is : how come that I have such a huge pile of ironing , when I used to work full time plus an evening and do ironing for five of us and it never built up so much ? Very mysterious . All the publicity says that they 've made more room for exhibits but it didn 't look like that to us . It 's now got lots of empty space - and then there 's another eatery on the first balcony , where there used to be cases filled with stuff . Still , it 's had a nice lick of paint . I 'm sure there are deeper reasons why it 's been closed for three years or something and cost millions of pounds . This post is mainly for my Son - in - Law . He , Daughter 1 and Grandson are down in Worcester so that Grandson can experience the other half of his genetic heritage and meet his extended family and friends . So we 're guinea - pig - sitting . Brownie , Cupcake and Pumpkin are the most carefully tended guinea pigs in the country , with their diet scientifically controlled : it features supplements of vitamins ( multivitamins and extra vitamin C ) , probiotic powder and cranberry juice . We take our responsibilities seriously and are following the detailed instructions to the letter . Look , SIL , here they are , capering about and perfectly happy . And yes , they 're drinking . I 've seen them . We 're also enjoying a flying visit from Son and his young lady . So far , they 've eaten mainly toast . And it 's - well , not positively raining , but dull and damp . This summer 's been the dullest and dampest since 1929 or something ( this may be slightly inaccurate but 1929 came into a newspaper report somewhere ) . Anyway , it 's been fairly rubbish . I met some nice people from Wisconsin yesterday and they said that their summer 's been terrible too - so hot and dry . Truly the world has its variations . And here 's Sirius having a drink . Having mastered ( well , sort of . . . ) my first tune on the piano , I 've now started to practise " What a friend we have in Jesus " , picked more or less randomly from the hymn book . Well , I did make sure I chose one with only one flat . But each hand has two simultaneous notes ! ! Very tricky ! Chords , I suppose you 'd call them . I haven 't quite mastered this . I recently read an article about Benjamin Grosvenor , a young British pianist , in which he said he practised for eight hours a day . This might explain why I 'm not so good as he is . Possibly ten minutes every three days isn 't likely to have the same effect . And I dare say I ought to be practising scales or something . Still . It 's quite fun - in a very frustrating sort of non - fun way . Posted by Pam I 'm a retired English teacher and live with my husband in Edinburgh . I enjoy reading , gardening , singing and walking ; and am a beginner quilter . Our children are all married . Daughter 1 lives in Edinburgh and is the mother of the much - loved Grandson and Granddaughter - the - Elder . Daughter 2 lives ( too far away ) in London to the south . Son lives ( too far away ) 65 miles to the north and is the father of the dear baby Granddaughter - the - Younger .
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The lovely flowers that the bride and groom gave me at the wedding are still reasonably fresh . Bits of Daughter 2 's bouquet are still blooming , amazingly enough . But it 's been a bad couple of weeks - missing Daughter 2 so much but also worrying about my mother , who 's been diagnosed with cancer . I didn 't blog about this before in case Daughter 2 , on her honeymoon , read this . Mum will have an operation the week after next to remove part of her bowel , a serious procedure for anyone but especially an 89 - year - old . It 's been a beautiful week of Indian summer and the pair of us went to the Botanics . Mum is being very stoical but clearly expects the worst . The nerines were stunning . Son dropped in yesterday afternoon to accompany us to hear what the surgeon 's going to do . It doesn 't sound fun . The procedures leading up to this point haven 't been fun for Mum either . We 've spent a long time in various hospital departments . Son and I went for a walk in the park . It was very sunny . Mum is going to move in with us on Sunday even though her flat isn 't yet sold . Still don 't have the official pictures while the bride and groom are honeymooning . This picture is from my brother . Yes , I 'm the dumpy person in blue looking as if she doesn 't like having her picture taken . Or wearing high heels . Moving on . . . Two exchanges from yesterday : 1 . I was at the mini - supermarket , standing still in the middle of the aisle , when a severe lady looked at me as if wondering what I was doing . Me : I 'm just trying to think what I came in for . Severe lady [ severely ] : You should have a list . Me [ humbly ] : " Yes , you 're right . " Severe lady : " I don 't have a list either . " Later2 . I 'd just come back from the dry cleaners with Daughter 2 's wedding dress and was still weak at the knees at what it had cost to clean . ( I did remember that Daughter 1 's dress was expensive , but not that expensive . ) I climbed out of the car and said hello to my neighbour , whose daughter has just got engaged . Neighbour [ over hedge , seeing me carrying dress ] : You still doing wedding things ? Me : Do you know how much it costs to get a wedding dress cleaned ? £ 75 ! ! ! ! ! ! Neighour [ blenching - it 's not often that you get the chance to type that word ] : I was thinking we might buy a dress for about that much . Me : [ laughs uproariously but with a touch of pity ] . Neighbour : So that 's just the small change , is it ? Kind of . Still , she did look lovely . Some of the reasons why our recent family wedding was a bit complicated . 1 . The bride lives in London while the wedding is in Edinburgh . The bridesmaids live in 1 ) London 2 ) Cambridge 3 ) Edinburgh . 2 . The bride didn 't like any dress available in Edinburgh or London so one was made by a dressmaker in Edinburgh . ( Let me remind you that the bride lives in London . ) It 's not that she 's difficult , but she wanted a non - strapless , non - plunging dress , which doesn 't seem to exist in shops . 3 . One of the bridesmaids , Daughter 1 , was pregnant for most of the lead - up to the wedding so her dress had to be made , shortly before the wedding , in material to match , as far as possible , the other bridesmaids ' dresses . 4 . The groom , an actor , was in Edinburgh for much of the previous month , busy doing improvised musicals , so therefore nowhere near the bride . 5 . The bride works in a 3 - person architecture practice , one of whom ( the boss ) is hardly ever in the office . She therefore single - handedly designed a restaurant which opened the week of the wedding and also a shoe museum . Thus she was in the office till 9 o ' clock most evenings . 6 . She was nonetheless a perfectionist regarding to the artistic details of the wedding stationery . 7 . She therefore designed the invitations , drawing ( on the computer , using a special architect 's program for drawing things ) a leaf pattern to be used ( with elegant variations ) on every single related piece of paper : thank - you letters , place cards , menus , table plan … all of which had to be printed out . In aqua ink . On our computers . On special paper . Mainly in the day or two before the wedding . With the assistance of cats . 8 . This included having badges with fun facts about everyone pinned to the back of the place cards ( which each , of course , had the person 's photo on them , culled from various sources . ) This , for 100 + people , requires a lot of organisation . 9 . As for Daughter 1 's wedding , I arranged the flowers in the church and for the reception . This had to be done on the evening before . The chuPosted by It was only a week ago . It seems much more . They 're having a lovely honeymoon . Which is good . But we do miss her . Mr Life was very reluctant to give her away . I felt the same . Still , she was happy . How do you feel about sleeping ? I 'm not very keen on it really . It seems such a waste of time to spend a third of your life - well , somewhat less in my case - unconscious . Not that the cats seem to worry about this sort of thing . Indeed , catching them awake is quite a skill . I think it 's more than that , though . I find sleep a bit of a struggle . I have to read until my head is nodding a bit , usually till about 1 or so , but then the process of putting the bookmark in the book , laying the book on my bedside table and switching off the light tends to wake me up again . So I lie there , bored , for a while , or listen to the radio via my under - pillow loudspeaker . Usually it doesn 't actually take very long to get to sleep , but I don 't like lying there in the dark for any time at all . And then I always wake a lot during the night and look at the clock . Often I wake about 2 and then 3 and then 4 , 5 and 6 and by then , I 'm relieved that it 's nearly morning at last . And anyway , I don 't like the idea of being asleep , lying there vulnerable to any passing intruder . It 's all very tedious and I would prefer that we were designed just to lie down for a wee while with our eyes shut , listening to something on the radio which preferably isn 't news of all the depressing things going on in the world , ready to spring up in case of burglars . I suppose I should have been a cat . That 's more or less what they do , give or take the radio or the eagerness to confront burglars . Today 's been lovely and mild and sunny and I spent most of it gardening ( oh , how much better than marking ) . At one point I came in for a little break and lay down on the sofa in an S shape , avoiding the furry friends who were occupying most of the space . Well , not most of the space . But the bits I might have wanted to put my head or feet on . And Sirius got up and lay with his side against my head and his head nestled in my hand , and purred . And I dozed lightly for fifteen minutes till someone sent a text to my phone in the adjoining room , which roused me . That 's the kind of slePosted by Urgh , it 's been one of those weeks . I haven 't had time to visit most of my favourite blogs or even to look at Mr Life 's photos of the wedding . Frustratingly , the official photos were taken by a friend of New SIL and for some unaccountable reason she probably feels that the happy couple should see them first . . . . The HC are on a Greek island in the sun . I 'm sure it 's much like autumnal Edinburgh . Or not . Anyway , here are the three bridesmaids ( Daughter 1 , Best Friend and my lovely niece ) with the bride . And the bouquets , complete with hastily tied ribbons . So these are my rubbish photos but look who came to his first wedding , in a special wedding outfit and a Very Silly ( but cute ) Hat . The hat came from friends in Spain . Maybe Spanish baby boys are more in touch with their feminine side than ours tend to be . And here 's my nephew being silly with his sister 's bouquet . He 's half - Scottish and half - American but he wears the kilt well , despite its being my brother 's old kilt , bought when he ( my brother ) was 20 or something . Kilts don 't date , though as Nephew complained gently , he is built on rather more hunky lines than my skinny brother . A few days before the wedding , there was a working party to assist with preparations . He whom I must now call Son - in - Law 1 lent his services to the operation . Daughter 2 and Son - in - Law - 2 - to - be made place cards with photos of the guests on the front ( and their names on the back ) and , attached to these , a badge with a fun fact about them . This was extremely time - consuming . But quite amusing . Here are , therefore , some of the guests ' pictures . On the morning of the wedding , a bridesmaid 's chap makes toast . His bridesmaid lady friend makes the bridesmaids ' bouquets . To put herself in the mood , she wears Daughter 1 's wedding tiara . Now they make the bride 's bouquet , while the bride , still in her pyjamas , achieves elegance by wearing her own tiara - type - thing . Done . Well , apart from the ribbons to be wound round them , which we forgot about till the wedding car was sitting in the street . There was then a bit of an unseemly rush . Son is subjected to a tiara . The flowers still in the buckets are for buttonholes . To be continued . When I get a moment . My moments are currently rather full . Daughter 2 got married yesterday . Here she is with one of her bridesmaids , decorating the cake . Here is my niece , another bridesmaid , folding orders of service . The wedding was lovely but complicated . The guests were mainly architects and actors so artistic considerations had to be adhered to at all times and production values had to be high . A lot was achieved by d - i - y rather than vast expense ; though expense did also feature . None of this was conducive to a tidy house . Various house guests came and went . Much tea was drunk and food consumed . Many dishes were washed . Much washing of sheets and towels has been done and much still remains to be done . Ribbon , paper , flowers and other remnants are all still in evidence . A few tears were shed , though not by the bride or groom . Miraculously , the sun shone . More will follow , including possibly some pictures of men in kilts for Anna . Now I must go and have a restorative bath . ( Two weddings down , one to go - Son gets married next July . He says that his wedding will be less exhausting . ) This is the garden last year . See all that yellow coreopsis in the big flowerbed ? It was spreading and choking all around it , so in the autumn , with great toil , I dug every bit of it out . And this is it this year . Hmm . I think I must have missed a bit . Nothing really to say except it 's hard to forget that September day , 10 years ago yesterday . We remember it as a family because Daughter 2 was in the air while the hijackings were taking place . Fortunately she was on her way to Sweden . So many others were not so fortunate . I wonder what the chances are that this is being read by the person who kicked off Son 's young lady 's wing mirrors from her parked car some time overnight on Saturday ? No , I don 't think so either . I wonder what satisfaction it gave this person . She 's a hardworking young doctor who has to drive 30 miles to the hospital she 's working at just now . Hard to fathom . Lots of things are hard to fathom , aren 't they ? The advantage of being a baby is that , when you 're tired and weary from having your nappy changed , you can just shut your eyes and have a nap . Dreaming , maybe , of being a ballet dancer . The advantage of being a parent is that you can dress your baby up as an elf and it doesn 't occur to him to object . See his appley hat ? This is what it looked like before . Daughter 1 made an apple stencil and applied fabric paints . And . . . . snooze . ( Your lovely shawl is getting well used , Dianne ! ) On Monday , I went to Queensferry and had lunch with my friend J . Here she is , taking a picture of the Forth Rail Bridge . J lives in Queensferry and is very involved in the community . ( J is not a large person - much of that black round her trousers is shadow , not her legs . ) We had a lovely time . I don 't know if this is proverbial only in Scotland , but here we refer to an endless task as " like painting the Forth Bridge " , since as soon as the painting is completed at one end , the painters have to start again at the other . However , no longer : a new , longer - lasting paint has been developed so that by the spring , it 'll be finished and won 't have to be done again for a few years . So they say . On the way home , I walked past this huge house that 's being built fairly near where we live . I should say that our house is not far from a very posh area featuring mansions owned by millionaires . There was a very nice house here before , with swimming pool and all , but it was demolished and now this ridiculous great castley thing has been rising from the ruins . As I passed , a young workman emerged , crossed the road ( there 's no pavement on the other side ) and walked along near me . I engaged him in conversation and he said that the new owner had bought the previous house for £ 2 million and that the replacement was costing £ 6 million . I can quite believe this since the building has been going on for ages and it 's huge . It 's not actually leaning like the Tower of Pisa , as it looks in my picture . I don 't find it beautiful . And it seems very wasteful . Was it later that day that Daughter 1 and I took Grandson to the supermarket ? This is how I too feel about shopping . Today we went to Dr Neil 's garden at Duddingston Loch , but he didn 't seem to be impressed by that either . The weather has been discouragingly nice this week . I do hope it 's not saving up its rain for Daughter 2 's wedding next weekend . I suppose I must be biased in thinking that Grandson is exceptionally cute . On the whole , he 's a very jolly sort of chap , which helps . Just think how handsome he 'll be once his hair grows back . I wasn 't feeling jolly this morning when I made the mistake of phoning up the company to which I paid lots of money in AVCs ( additional voluntary contributions ) to supplement my meagre pension . I was just wanting to be sent some information but the lady kept me on the phone for half an hour , asking difficult questions . Some of these I understood . With the others - there 's a limit to the number of times one can say , " Sorry , I don 't quite follow that . " I did gather that as long as I live to about 150 I might get a reasonable amount of the money back . I was a bit surprised to be told , by the way , that the average life expectancy of a woman who gets to 65 is 89 . ( Not 65 + 89 , you understand . Just 89 . ) I really don 't know if I can be bothered living that long . Not unless I can figure out how to work our new television . It 's annoying ( I find ) how I 've become de - skilled over the years . When I was young , I was perfectly capable of switching on the telly . Now the thing requires the erudition of a systems analyst and I have to get Mr Life to do it for me . Which is why I watch hardly any telly now . No doubt this has happened because lots of smart young men wanted to make the whole thing more technically perfect , while people like me were quite happy just to walk over to the device and press a button to make a good - enough picture appear on any one of three channels . Who needs digital pictures and millions of garbage - carrying channels ? Not me , especially since I can 't access any of them without the old chap . I tell you , he 'll have to live to 152 so as to keep me amused with moving pictures in my old age . And cars - why can 't they make them all the same ? Well , ok , they could do them in a range of sizes ( big , medium and small ) and of course a good choice of colours . But I think that they should all be standard in other ways : all the contPosted by I 've turned into one of those retired people who wonder where the week went . I don 't think that Sirius , relaxing in the sun , is troubled by any such questions . Another question is : how come that I have such a huge pile of ironing , when I used to work full time plus an evening and do ironing for five of us and it never built up so much ? Very mysterious . All the publicity says that they 've made more room for exhibits but it didn 't look like that to us . It 's now got lots of empty space - and then there 's another eatery on the first balcony , where there used to be cases filled with stuff . Still , it 's had a nice lick of paint . I 'm sure there are deeper reasons why it 's been closed for three years or something and cost millions of pounds . This post is mainly for my Son - in - Law . He , Daughter 1 and Grandson are down in Worcester so that Grandson can experience the other half of his genetic heritage and meet his extended family and friends . So we 're guinea - pig - sitting . Brownie , Cupcake and Pumpkin are the most carefully tended guinea pigs in the country , with their diet scientifically controlled : it features supplements of vitamins ( multivitamins and extra vitamin C ) , probiotic powder and cranberry juice . We take our responsibilities seriously and are following the detailed instructions to the letter . Look , SIL , here they are , capering about and perfectly happy . And yes , they 're drinking . I 've seen them . We 're also enjoying a flying visit from Son and his young lady . So far , they 've eaten mainly toast . And it 's - well , not positively raining , but dull and damp . This summer 's been the dullest and dampest since 1929 or something ( this may be slightly inaccurate but 1929 came into a newspaper report somewhere ) . Anyway , it 's been fairly rubbish . I met some nice people from Wisconsin yesterday and they said that their summer 's been terrible too - so hot and dry . Truly the world has its variations . And here 's Sirius having a drink . Having mastered ( well , sort of . . . ) my first tune on the piano , I 've now started to practise " What a friend we have in Jesus " , picked more or less randomly from the hymn book . Well , I did make sure I chose one with only one flat . But each hand has two simultaneous notes ! ! Very tricky ! Chords , I suppose you 'd call them . I haven 't quite mastered this . I recently read an article about Benjamin Grosvenor , a young British pianist , in which he said he practised for eight hours a day . This might explain why I 'm not so good as he is . Possibly ten minutes every three days isn 't likely to have the same effect . And I dare say I ought to be practising scales or something . Still . It 's quite fun - in a very frustrating sort of non - fun way . Posted by Pam I 'm a retired English teacher and live with my husband in Edinburgh . I enjoy reading , gardening , singing and walking ; and am a beginner quilter . Our children are all married . Daughter 1 lives in Edinburgh and is the mother of the much - loved Grandson and Granddaughter - the - Elder . Daughter 2 lives ( too far away ) in London to the south . Son lives ( too far away ) 65 miles to the north and is the father of the dear baby Granddaughter - the - Younger .
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Canada has decided to get a bit more serious about tobacco warnings . We were apparently the first to put warnings on cigarette packs , but then we lagged behind . Now we are catching up with extremely graphic pictures showing what can happen to you if you smoke . One of the many pictures is photos of the model Barb Tarbox who became a vigorous anti tobacco activist before her death . It always strikes me as odd that tobacco companies are trying to sell cigarettes and so on , but agree to put such devastating warnings on their products . I know why it happens , but its not logical is it ? Buy my product and see what happens to you ! ! ! We should , perhaps , put ads on foods showing how obese you can get through eating . What about pops or sodas , they are very detrimental to one 's health . I sound facetious but actually , I am not . Last night we watched a programme on a new shopping mall that has been built in Dubai . As with anything else , this is going to be the biggest and grandest mall . It is 1 Km square and contains an ice rink and a huge aquarium which has 30 sharks and a tunnel one can walk through . There will be a roller coaster , but this area is not yet finished . Of course there are hundreds of shops , no doubt selling pretty expensive items . The thing which staggered us the most is all the figures which were quoted . They will be shipping in thousands of gallons of seawater each day , which will then be cleaned and processed in a ginormous filtration plant , before being added to the aquarium to top it up . The programme we saw was mostly about construction and all the difficulties they had , but it did show a lot of pictures of the finished mall , not least of which was the gold souk which is a nod to the gold souk in the market place which is famous for selling the most fantastic gold jewellery and ornaments . How silly , today on GMA they had a chef talking about simple snacks which could be served to your party guests tonight . At least two of them needed preparation a day ahead . In fact I am not going to include a recipe at aPosted by Through a roundabout method of thinking about clothes , I started thinking about the Pearly Kings and Queens of London , England . Must admit they haven 't crossed my mind for many a long year . I just read up on their origins - I didn 't know before why they existed , just that they did , I remember seeing them on visits to London or when I lived there . It was started by a crossing sweeper who collected money for charity . To draw attention to himself he started sewing lots of pearl buttons on his clothes . Apparently it is still an institution in London . As a kid I was fascinated by them although one didn 't see them very often , it was always exciting to do so . If you would like to read more go to http : / / tinyurl . com / 8fmge5 Yesterday GMA talked about germy cell phones , today it was germy items on a restaurant table . Sugar turned out to have the least germs but it was the menu which was the worst with 185 , 000 bacteria on it . The suggestion is to place your order and then go wash your hands . You just don 't think about these things on a daily basis . A lot of stores provide hand sanitizing cloths to wire the handles of the store buggies , but when I suggested to our local grocery chain that they should do this , they opted out for what I considered somewhat spurious reasons . Nowadays I carry my own sanitizing cloths in the car . To read the report go to http : / / tinyurl . com / 23vnmyt / Incredible story , an 88 yr . old woman facing a burglar in her own home ended up throwing water in his face and scaring him off . He was later caught . What incredible bravery - most of us would be shaking in our shoes . This recipe came with a diabetic newsletter , dLife , and sounded pretty good . I like " blackened " food although you don 't see it around so much these days . Salmon is always available and a delicious fish to eat even if you don 't much care for fish . Mother Love 's Slammin ' Blackened Salmon Serves 8 Ingredients 1 / 4cup chopped pecans 1 / 4cup brown sugar 1 / 4cup Margarine , hard , safflower oil , melted 1 / 2tsp vanilla extract 1 1 / 2Jo I am a bit disappointed : this year I kept a list of all the books I read , it will total 135 by the end of the year . I thought I read a lot more books than that . There were a few repeats as I was waiting for other novels to arrive . It averages out at just under 2 1 / 2 books a week . I was going to publish the list , but it is rather long . A friend sent this spoof on a Gilbert and Sullivan song which I thought was great . So I am sharing it with you . A report on Good Morning America today about the germs on a cell phone , they are often dirtier than a toilet seat . Especially those of people who use them a lot and if you eat whilst using your phone you could be in serious trouble . The phones have been found to contain flu viruses , staph infections , and so on . They suggest you wipe them down with rubbing alcohol or rub you hands with sanitizer and then rub them over your phone . We just asked some neighbours to join us for New Year 's Eve so now we are thinking about what to prepare as a snack - we have asked them for 9 p . m . and hopefully he will make it through 12 although I understand he usually goes to bed early . I came across this recipe yesterday , from Kraft Kitchens , and thought it might be a good one - if they like seafood , will have to check . Baked Crab Rangoon Kraft Kitchens 12 servings What You Need 1 can ( 6 oz . ) white crabmeat , drained , flaked 4 oz . ( 1 / 2 of 8 - oz . pkg . ) PHILADELPHIA Neufchatel Cheese , softened 2 green onions , thinly sliced 1 / 4 cup KRAFT Light Mayo Reduced Fat Mayonnaise 12 won ton wrappers Make It HEAT oven to 350 ° F . MIX first 4 ingredients . PLACE 1 won ton wrapper in each of 12 muffin cups sprayed with cooking spray , extending edges of wrappers over sides of cups . Fill with crab mixture . BAKE 18 to 20 min . or until edges of cups are golden brown and filling is heated through . Kraft Kitchens Tips Makeover - How We Did It We 've taken a favorite appetizer and made it over by preparing it with PHILADELPHIA Neufchatel Cheese and KRAFT Light Mayo Reduced Fat Mayonnaise instead of regular cream cJo Not sure why , but this morning I woke up thinking about The Bucket List , I told you , a week or two back that we had watched the movie starring Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson . However , every time I go on Facebook I see an ad at the side which says something about a Bucket List to do in my home town . I had a look at it the other day and it was full of things like spas and restaurants etc . The only trouble with this is one has to have money to be able to do all the things they suggested , or even that I might think of for myself . Morgan Freeman was lucky because Jack Nicholson was rich ; I 'm not and yet there are many things I would love to do before I die . They went to the Taj Mahal and the Great Wall of China , I would love to do that , I wouldn 't mind seeing the Grand Canyon either ( that is more witin the realms of possibility ) ; I could list a stack of things which I couldn 't possibly afford to do . I 'm not sure I would try sky diving - not fit enough apart from anything else . A young friend tried it in New Zealand and absolutely loved it . Here is a challenge , make up your own bucket list and add it to the comments section . Here 's a new one , a husband thought his wife was cheating on him so he opened her email to check . I should mention that they said she kept her password in a book beside her computer - silly thing to do if you want privacy - he is now being prosecuted for hacking and could face up to 5 years in jail . So spouses beware . What about opening each others snail mail ? We never hesitate to open mail whether its addressed to us or not , does that constitute a crime as well ? By the way , she was cheating . Not that I am having an affair I hasten to say , but I am quite safe , even though my email is not password protected , Matt wouldn 't have a clue how to get into it . I guess he could call in a friend when I wasn 't around or something . I wonder when it becomes hacking , if you just read someone 's email or if you have to use a password to do so . This winter , so far , has been quite incredible , Posted by We had a great meal at the Rushes Restaurant in Waterloo . Everyone enjoyed themselves . I pigged out on the starters this year , I had mussels which were really delicious , smoked salmon , crab claws and smoked trout . Thought about going back , but figured I wouldn 't eat any more if I did . I then had roast sweet potatoes , mashed swede ( turnip in Canada ) and turkey with a little gravy . I went back for a bit more turkey , the turkey was really moist . Finally I finished with a huge piece of carrot cake , couldn 't resist it . The beef this year was very overdone , and I didn 't even look at the ham . There were masses of other things available , but one can only eat so much after all . I drank a couple of glasses of Pinot Grigio with my meal and finished off with coffee . Some of our group , Matt included , were pigging out on the Brie , I thought about joining in but by then I had eaten more than enough . I almost felt pregnant I had stuffed myself so much . We got home around 8 : 30 and Matt checked the TV . There was a concert with Pavarotti and friends so we watched that and then I watched another version of The Nativity Story . That didn 't finish til midnight by which time Matt was fast asleep . I bought Matt a recording of The Italian Tenor by Vittorio Grigolo for an under the tree present so he played it through in the morning . I was a tad disappointed as there wasn 't a lot of material that I recognised although there were a lot of things by Puccini , what a wonderful voice that young man has . He hasn 't made many recordings yet , there is one other which appears to be show tunes , but I am not really interested in that . We have heard him touted as the new Pavarotti , I think he certainly has the makings . Boxing Day ( Dec . 26 for those who don 't have this holiday ) Matt called his family in the UK as usual and sinlaw Mike ( Scolopax Chronicles ) mentioned that they had had turkey with peanut sauce . We have asked for the recipe so when they send it I will pass it on . Sounds good . Basically we had a very quiet day and for supper ha5 smoked bacon rashers , 50g unsalted butterMethodSlice the bases from the Brussels sprouts and carefully separate the leaves , pulling them off the sprouts . Fry the bacon in a frying pan over a medium heat until soft but not coloured . Remove from the pan and drain on kitchen paper . Set aside . Melt the butter with the bacon fat in the frying pan over a medium low heat . When the butter is foaming , add the Brussels leaves and stir in the bacon . Add 2 tbsp water and cover the pan . Allow to cook for 3 - 5 minutes and season with salt and pepper . Cook 's tipsThe Brussels sprouts can be shredded with a knife if time is short . Have a great day I hope everyone has a fabulous day today and lots of good company with friends and family you enjoy . We are going out to dinner with friends tonight at Rushes , a local restaurant , where they have a fabulous Christmas buffet so I am looking forward to that . Have a great Christmas Posted by Dunno why , particularly , but yesterday , in the shower , I started thinking about how much people complain because to be politically correct we are not supposed to say Merry Christmas , but Happy Holidays to ensure that other religions in our country are not offended by harping on a Christian festival . I was also of the same mind , we are a Christian country etc . etc . Then I got to thinking about it , when the white man first came here , the Indian or Inuit races were not Christian either and had to be " converted " by the ravaging white hordes . Apart from which we have a lot of different versions of what a Christian is , be it Catholic , Protestant , Methodist , Baptist and so on and so on . All kinds of Christian religions are now accepted , but we expect everyone to conform to Christianity . Now we have other people being accepted into our communities who are not Christians ( well of course the Jews have been among us forever ) and who do not wish us to push Christianity down their throats at every turn . If we allow them to immigrate to our world , should we not also treat their religious beliefs with respect ? OK I know there are fanatical Muslims out there causing all kinds of havoc , but fanatical Christians have done some extremely questionable things through the years , not least of which was the Spanish Auto da fé and the English crusades , have you read what the Christians did to the Saracens in those wars , absolutely horrific . Fanatics are not exclusive to any religious community and Christians have produced some of the worst in their time . So whatever religion you follow , accept the Merry Christmas , the Happy Hannukah , the good wishes for Ramadan , or Kwanzaa and lets all practise religious tolerance . Back to more mundane matters , I lost my two teeth yesterday , was totally numb in jaw , tongue and most of my lower face for several hours and then in some pain for several more . I bought myself some hot and sour soup from a local Chinese restaurant and ate that for supper then managed a couple of bits of chocolate later . FJo Don 't forget to think healing thoughts for me this afternoon when I get my teeth extracted . I am not sure how likely I am to write a blog on Christmas Eve although I hope I will feel OK . I have been having something of a discussion on Glenda 's website about trilogies or individual books . I generally don 't mind trilogies like those written by Glenda Larke or Karen Miller , but I do agree that a single book means you don 't have to remember events and characters from volume to volume . A good example of this is the book I am reading now , as I mentioned yesterday , I am reading Towers of Midnight which is No . 13 in the Wheel of Time series . This series was begun by Robert Jordan ( who 's real name was James Oliver Rigney , Jr . ) as I mentioned yesterday , the novels are being completed by Brandon Sanderson due to the unfortunate death of Robert Jordon . The first book was published in 1990 and there is still one more book to come . The current book is some 840 pages of novel with another 20 or so pages of glossary and maps and each one of the books has been of a similar size . How the hell one is expected to remember everything for 20 years , I do not know . Funnily enough , I do remember a lot , but every now and then something crops up and I have no idea who all the characters in a chapter really are , maybe I will be reminded later on . The same situation applies to the James R . R . Martin A Song of Ice and Fire series , the last of which was published some 5 years ago . Another series , Earth 's Children by Jean M . Auel , is supposed to get another novel published in March next year ( 2004 was the last one ) . Meanwhile , we poor readers are supposed to keep all these characters in our heads . NOT easy . For supper last night we had a dish I invented some 40 years ago and which was a favourite of both my hubbies although funnily enough we haven 't made it in many a long year . Basically you layer a casserole dish with slices of canned corned beef , cover it with cooked elbow macaroni and then make a cheese sauce with onions in it . Smother the pasta with the cheese sauce and bake it in the oven until everything is warmed through and the tomatoes are cooked . Around 30 minutes at 400 ° F . Note : If you can 't find lychee juice , use canned lychee syrup . In a cocktail shaker , combine the lychee juice , grapefruit juice , vodka and ice cubes . Shake or stir well . Strain into martini glasses . Garnish each drink with 2 lychees and 1 lime slice . Idea : Freeze the lychees before putting them in the martinis . Do you re - gift ? I suppose it is something everyone has done at some time or another . This morning on GMA , they had tips on re - gifting and the first item was don 't re - gift anything with engraved initials on it - no , really ! ! ! Sometimes I wonder if they think everyone is stupid . Eastern Canada is having terrible problems with flooding caused by rain and storm surges . What a lovely Christmas present ! The weather seems to be playing up all over the place , last night I saw pictures out west showing houses collapsing into the flood waters . I am very glad I live where I do , of course there may be something I haven 't thought of but we live on a hill so flooding should certainly never be a problem . One good thing , it does seem that some of the airports are beginning to move their backlog of passengers although how long this will take is anybody 's guess . So long as Europe doesn 't get any more snow . Even Buffalo is going to have a meeting on why they couldn 't cope with their recent snow problems . I have just finished The White Lioness by Henning Mankell , it is the third in his Wallander series . This one was set in 1992 and was about a proposed plot by the African boere to assassinate Nelson Mandela . Sweden became involved because they conspirators sent the assassin to Sweden to practise in private before he went to do his job . In some ways it was a pretty horrid story . I was interested to discover , whilst reading , that Sweden uses white as a mourning colour ( as do the Chinese ) . I have the next of his books to read but I am now just about to read Towers of Midnight which is the penultimate book in the Wheel of Time series begun by Robert Jordan and being finished by Brandon Sanderson using Jordan 's notes . I am really looking forward to this although it is a very thick book and I only have a month to read it as I have no doubt there is a long waiting list at the library . I love smoked salmon and when I saw these from Eating Well , I just had to share them . Smoked Salmon BitesFrom EatingWell : November / December 2007WaPosted by We caught a programme - kind of by accident - on TVO2 ( Canadian Public Broadcasting ) last night . It was called The Age of Power , hosted by David Dimbleby . A fascinating look at how the Tudors used art as an instrument of power . It particularly showed paintings of Holbein who painted Henry VIII , his wives and his ministers . A fascinating programme . Not sure how many we have missed but we will certainly plan to catch the rest of them . I just googled , it appears we have missed two episodes . I hope they show them again . Will have to watch out for them , the previous ones were The Age of Worship and The Age of Conquest and the series is called The Seven Ages of Britain . What I thought was particularly funny was the painting of Henry VIII which now hangs in Cambridge university and his armour which was made towards the end of his life . Both were made or painted with large codpieces to emphasise the power of the man . In this copy you can 't see his legs of which Henry was particularly proud apparently . The armour was too heavy for him and he had to wear a special corset in order to support it . By this time he had a suppurating sore on his leg and was not a very well man . I was surprised to be reminded he died at 57 , not , to us , very old . The programme went on to show how his daughter , Elizabeth , emphasised her power in a much different way but still very much through art . It appears the air services between Europe and anywhere are thoroughly choked up . I think anyone planning to fly anywhere for Christmas might as well go home and give it up as a bad job . The European airports are totally clogged with snow which , of course , they are unused to and the backlog of flights is almost impossible for them to deal with from all reports . The odd plane is getting through , but not many . From Pearson Airport in Toronto they are flying one a day to Europe at the moment . Reports are of more snow and then clearing , but they don 't seem to think they will get the backlog dealt with before Christmas and there will be lots of cancelJo We had a delightful evening on Saturday although we had no idea we had been asked for dinner . It was a retirement party and people had brought gifts . A tad embarrassing as we hadn 't , we just hadn 't realised what we were being invited to . What a spread , there was enough food to feed an army and much to my delight it included things like Cevapcici and Pleskavica ( shown in the picture ) which are Serbian favourites of ours . There was so much food I didn 't get the chance to sample a lot of it . There was some nice looking salmon which Matt said was delicious . Luckily my teeth decided to be good that evening , however , then my legs played up instead . Honestly I am turning into a right old cripple . Funnily enough I was thinking of The Twelve Days of Christmas , the funny version , the other day , then a friend published a link to a YouTube version which I enjoyed 12 Days of Christmas The first time I ever heard this was shortly after we emigrated . I was at work and my desk was outside my boss ' office . Matt was at home and phoned me and read it to me over the phone , I was cracking up , and everyone was wondering what on earth I was laughing at . I came across this gorgeous looking quick fix recipe in a BBC newsletter and couldn 't resist sharing it . I am not sure how it will work with the cream over here , just get the thickest , highest fat available to you . For digestive biscuits of course , use Graham wafers or crackers . Of course you could also use a pre - made Graham cracker crust . Baileys and Chocolate Cheesecake from the kitchen of Rob Burns Ingredients 100g / 3 ½ oz butter 250g / 8 ¾ oz digestive biscuits , crushed 600g / 1lb 5oz Philadelphia cream cheese 25ml / 1fl oz Baileys 100ml / 3 ½ oz icing sugar ( confectioner 's ) 300ml / 10 ½ oz double cream , whipped 100g / 3 ½ oz grated chocolate To garnish 200ml / 7 ¼ oz double cream , whipped cocoa powder , to dust Preparation method 1 . Melt the butter in a pan and add the crushed digestive biscuits . Mix well until the biscuits have absorbed all the butter . 2 . Remove from the heat and pressJo Good morning , hopefully it will continue to be a better one for me . My Friday was a lot better than my Thursday . OK , I have been wingeing a lot , but I think I had plenty of reason so to do . This evening we have a retirement party to go to and I hope I will be able to . By the way , for those of you who have read the remedy of rubbing the palm of your hand with ice , I tried it , it doesn 't work ! ! I must say my eating habits have been drastically affected this last few days , I have been eating soup , scrambled eggs , fish and other soft foods . I actually found haddock loins poached in milk with a little butter and seasoning are quite delicious . You can actually taste the delicious fish . Last night , I had that , a few peas ( squish easily ) and a baked potato . I struggled to eat the skin ; but I like properly baked tatie skin so much ! ! ! One of those occasions where I am not sure if the pleasure was worth the pain . Tomorrow lunch time I have some Hot and Sour soup which Matt picked up for me on his return from bowling . Looking forward to it . Oddly enough , the world has continued without me and my commentary the last couple of days , how disappointing , it couldn 't wait for me . Assange has been in and out of a British jail , the Swedish want him for sexual offences and the Americans want him for violating their secrecy . I have never really understood how he got hold of the secrets he revealed , but whoever you are , I am not sure revealing them is the best way to go . Many people can get hurt in the process who are actually innocents in the games of governments . There 's free speech and there 's stirring up shit . Who makes the classification depends on where you stand . Weather wise we seem to be escaping the worst stuff . All around us are still suffering and in Eastern Canada the flooding is appalling . I have been flooded once myself , but nothing like as badly as those poor people . I liked the sound of this cake , chocolate and rum , what more could I ask for ? The picture is not actually from the recipe but seemed pretty similar . IPosted by Back to the saga of my poor , aching teeth . Having arisen before the cock crowed on Thursday , I visited the dentist and got the partner who turned out to be a female dentist and very nice even though she would not extract until I had taken a course of antibiotics and stopped my blood thinner for three days , the upshot being nothing doing til next Thursday - I do hope I will be able to eat on Christmas Day . When we went to pick up the mail , there was a note to go to the Post Office to collect a parcel . Presumably they had called whilst we were out , how annoying . It was my sugar free Christmas cake and cookies which I can 't eat at the moment anyway . I am living on soup and eggs , etc . I also discovered I have put on weight which really isn 't fair because I haven 't eaten much at all . Anyway , I am not really up to blogging at the moment , sorry everyone . I can 't even think straight as I am doped to the eyebrows with pain killers and antibiotics . Keep your fingers crossed . Have a great day . Posted by Lately I have had a cold , dizzy spells and major tooth aches but last night we had a delightful evening with some friends . I went for my diabetes check up with the doc and then went to our friends ' house and had a great time with them - we thank them so much . This morning the Dentist , last night a great meal , great company and a few drinks . I am not sure how much blog is going to get posted , as I told you yesterday , I have an 8 : 30 appointment so this may be it . Have a great day Posted by As I mentioned yesterday , I have bad toothache , I was hoping to get two teeth pulled , but no luck , supposed to go to the dentist today . However , we now have an invitation to supper and things aren 't as bad as they were , so I think I will put it off . In fact I now have an appointment for 8 : 30 a . m . tomorrow , which , considering its in the next town , is very , very early . Oh well , not as bad as friends , she is having an MRI at 3 a . m . on Sunday morning , also in another town . I am sure glad I don 't live in London , Ontario , they have been having snow upon snow , upon snow with people being stuck on the highways for hours on end - I know they talked of 300 people , how many of those were stupid enough to ignore the barriers and figure they could " do it " , I don 't know , but several did apparently . " I have a 4 x 4 , it won 't give me a problem " , only it did . We still don 't have much round here and I have decided why that is , the superintendent has a brand new snow plough which , as yet , has never been used . Previously people were hired to plough , but this year , the super is doing it himself , but so far , no joy with his new toy . The 402 Hiway is still closed after yesterday 's storms , they were supposed to get a lot more , haven 't heard if they did . Helicopters ferried 230 stranded people away from the blocked roads although some people stayed with their vehicles . When we have this much trouble in Ontario , you know its bad , basically we are used to handling such weather . Check out the photos here http : / / www . cbc . ca / photogallery / canada / 4226 / Here 's a very different way of serving potatoes over the holiday period . Yukon Gold & Sweet Potato Mash From EatingWell : November / December 2008 , November / December 2007 The addition of delicious sweet potatoes gives a nutrient boost to mashed potatoes . Double it : Cook the potatoes in a Dutch oven rather than a large saucepan . 6 servings Ingredients 1 pound Yukon Gold potatoes , peeled and cut into 1 1 / 2 - inch chunks 1 pound sweet potatoes , peeled and cut into 1 1 / 2 - inch chunJo We have two elevators at our apartment building , they are in the process of being replaced , working on one at a time , however , Monday afternoon I went to check the mail and the working elevator wasn 't - working I mean . I just hope to goodness there was no emergency . For me personally , I might make it down the five floors , but I would never make it up them again . Just as well I didn 't go bowling , Matt had to walk up from the garage . He stopped to get the mail and said there was a woman in a wheelchair and another with a wheeled walker who were just arriving so what the heck they would have done I have no idea . The mechanic hadn 't come and so it took a long time to fix it . Hope he has done so this morning . I am in major pain this morning with toothache so gotta see if I can get an appointment . All for this morning . When everyone is producing cookie , cake or dessert recipes , the other day Ron Claiborne , newscaster of the Weekend Good Morning America cooked up this chilli which actually looked good enough to eat . Ron 's Turkey Chili a la Claiborne Recipe Courtesy Ron Claiborne Servings : Over 8 Are you looking for a filling winter meal ? This hearty chili is just the right blend of spice , vegetables and turkey , and its sure to leave your family satisfied . Ingredients 2 to 2 1 / 2 lbs ground turkey 2 boxes of chili seasoning ( Wick Fowler 's " 2 Alarm Chili Kit " or Carroll Shelby 's " Chili Kit " ) 2 ( 15 . 5oz ) cans kidney beans , rinsed 1 ( 15 . 5oz ) can white navy beans , rinsed 1 cup water , more or less 2 ( 14 . 5oz ) cans stewed tomatoes 1 ( 8oz ) can tomato paste 1 yellow onion , diced 3 bell peppers , diced 3 large carrots , diced 1 box frozen corn 1 box frozen baby peas 1 heaping tablespoon unsweetened cocoa powder 1 tablespoon olive oil 1 / 2 bottle of beer ( optional ) Chopped Jalapenos or hot chili peppers to taste Directions In a large stewpot , soften the onions and bell peppers in olive oil over medium heat . In a separate skillet , cook the ground turkey . Once the turkey is browned ( and no pink remains ) , drain the liquid and add tJo I said we hadn 't had Portobello mushrooms for a while , well we did on Saturday evening . Just gently sautéed in butter . They were delicious . We had a simple dinner of a fillet steak and the mushrooms together with a glass or two of wine . Can 't be easily beaten . I also started Pock 's World over the weekend . It is by Dave Duncan who is one of my favourite authors . I see on Amazon . com they are promising to get it to you by Christmas if your order straight away . It is a very different story from anything I have read written by Dave Duncan before . I haven 't got very far into it , but it takes place on a planet which is about to be cauterized because of the possible existence of non human look alikes . That means the death of over 6 million people . On Sunday morning I heard someone on GMA talking about tipping . She was giving advice on who should be tipped at this time of the year . Maybe she had a lot of money , but I certainly couldn 't afford , even when I was working , to hand out tips to all the people she recommended . Go to http : / / tinyurl . com / 36w3wd2 although this is not the same source , these women have very big ideas on what and who and how much to tip . As a pensioner I certainly couldn 't all the tips they talk about . Absolute nonsense . They talk about economic problems , but these people obviously have NOT been affected by the current economy or they have more money than sense . Talk about coincidences . Last night we watched The Bucket List what a fantastic movie with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson , if you have never seen it , I can highly recommend it . Jack Nicholson , being a very rich man in the movie , was drinking Kopi Luwak which is the most expensive coffee in the world , however , Morgan Freeman who knew everything ( he was a whiz at Jeopardy ) convinced Jack that in fact the coffee berries are eaten by civet cats , excreted and then the natives roast them and make coffee . Jack Nicholson said " are you shitting me " and Morgan Freeman said " no the cats beat me to it " . Damn me if an hour after the movie there was a segment on the news about Kopi Luwak - it costs about $ 25 a cup or $ 500 a pound . The picture shows the source of the pre - digested coffee beans . One cannot imagine how it came about that anyone tried this in the first place . Nor can I imagine why anyone would pay through the nose to drink it . Bianna Golodryga is one of the hosts of the weekend edition of Good Morning America . All the programme hosts have been sharing recipes which they eat at Christmas and this was her contribution . I never look at chocolate pie recipes without thinking of Matt 's youngest when she came to visit us in Canada some 20 years ago . She went absolutely nuts on chocolate pie and we had to buy frozen pies by the dozen for her , every restaurant we went into , she ordered chocolate pie for dessert . In a large bowl , combine cream cheese , sugar , vanilla and cocoa and mix with a hand mixer on medium speed until the mixture is smooth . Add cool whip and continue mixing until all of cool whip is blended with the filling and the mixture becomes thick . Pour filling into the pie crust . Sprinkle with toasted nuts , if desired . Have a great day
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Canada has decided to get a bit more serious about tobacco warnings . We were apparently the first to put warnings on cigarette packs , but then we lagged behind . Now we are catching up with extremely graphic pictures showing what can happen to you if you smoke . One of the many pictures is photos of the model Barb Tarbox who became a vigorous anti tobacco activist before her death . It always strikes me as odd that tobacco companies are trying to sell cigarettes and so on , but agree to put such devastating warnings on their products . I know why it happens , but its not logical is it ? Buy my product and see what happens to you ! ! ! We should , perhaps , put ads on foods showing how obese you can get through eating . What about pops or sodas , they are very detrimental to one 's health . I sound facetious but actually , I am not . Last night we watched a programme on a new shopping mall that has been built in Dubai . As with anything else , this is going to be the biggest and grandest mall . It is 1 Km square and contains an ice rink and a huge aquarium which has 30 sharks and a tunnel one can walk through . There will be a roller coaster , but this area is not yet finished . Of course there are hundreds of shops , no doubt selling pretty expensive items . The thing which staggered us the most is all the figures which were quoted . They will be shipping in thousands of gallons of seawater each day , which will then be cleaned and processed in a ginormous filtration plant , before being added to the aquarium to top it up . The programme we saw was mostly about construction and all the difficulties they had , but it did show a lot of pictures of the finished mall , not least of which was the gold souk which is a nod to the gold souk in the market place which is famous for selling the most fantastic gold jewellery and ornaments . How silly , today on GMA they had a chef talking about simple snacks which could be served to your party guests tonight . At least two of them needed preparation a day ahead . In fact I am not going to include a recipe at aPosted by Through a roundabout method of thinking about clothes , I started thinking about the Pearly Kings and Queens of London , England . Must admit they haven 't crossed my mind for many a long year . I just read up on their origins - I didn 't know before why they existed , just that they did , I remember seeing them on visits to London or when I lived there . It was started by a crossing sweeper who collected money for charity . To draw attention to himself he started sewing lots of pearl buttons on his clothes . Apparently it is still an institution in London . As a kid I was fascinated by them although one didn 't see them very often , it was always exciting to do so . If you would like to read more go to http : / / tinyurl . com / 8fmge5 Yesterday GMA talked about germy cell phones , today it was germy items on a restaurant table . Sugar turned out to have the least germs but it was the menu which was the worst with 185 , 000 bacteria on it . The suggestion is to place your order and then go wash your hands . You just don 't think about these things on a daily basis . A lot of stores provide hand sanitizing cloths to wire the handles of the store buggies , but when I suggested to our local grocery chain that they should do this , they opted out for what I considered somewhat spurious reasons . Nowadays I carry my own sanitizing cloths in the car . To read the report go to http : / / tinyurl . com / 23vnmyt / Incredible story , an 88 yr . old woman facing a burglar in her own home ended up throwing water in his face and scaring him off . He was later caught . What incredible bravery - most of us would be shaking in our shoes . This recipe came with a diabetic newsletter , dLife , and sounded pretty good . I like " blackened " food although you don 't see it around so much these days . Salmon is always available and a delicious fish to eat even if you don 't much care for fish . Mother Love 's Slammin ' Blackened Salmon Serves 8 Ingredients 1 / 4cup chopped pecans 1 / 4cup brown sugar 1 / 4cup Margarine , hard , safflower oil , melted 1 / 2tsp vanilla extract 1 1 / 2Jo I am a bit disappointed : this year I kept a list of all the books I read , it will total 135 by the end of the year . I thought I read a lot more books than that . There were a few repeats as I was waiting for other novels to arrive . It averages out at just under 2 1 / 2 books a week . I was going to publish the list , but it is rather long . A friend sent this spoof on a Gilbert and Sullivan song which I thought was great . So I am sharing it with you . A report on Good Morning America today about the germs on a cell phone , they are often dirtier than a toilet seat . Especially those of people who use them a lot and if you eat whilst using your phone you could be in serious trouble . The phones have been found to contain flu viruses , staph infections , and so on . They suggest you wipe them down with rubbing alcohol or rub you hands with sanitizer and then rub them over your phone . We just asked some neighbours to join us for New Year 's Eve so now we are thinking about what to prepare as a snack - we have asked them for 9 p . m . and hopefully he will make it through 12 although I understand he usually goes to bed early . I came across this recipe yesterday , from Kraft Kitchens , and thought it might be a good one - if they like seafood , will have to check . Baked Crab Rangoon Kraft Kitchens 12 servings What You Need 1 can ( 6 oz . ) white crabmeat , drained , flaked 4 oz . ( 1 / 2 of 8 - oz . pkg . ) PHILADELPHIA Neufchatel Cheese , softened 2 green onions , thinly sliced 1 / 4 cup KRAFT Light Mayo Reduced Fat Mayonnaise 12 won ton wrappers Make It HEAT oven to 350 ° F . MIX first 4 ingredients . PLACE 1 won ton wrapper in each of 12 muffin cups sprayed with cooking spray , extending edges of wrappers over sides of cups . Fill with crab mixture . BAKE 18 to 20 min . or until edges of cups are golden brown and filling is heated through . Kraft Kitchens Tips Makeover - How We Did It We 've taken a favorite appetizer and made it over by preparing it with PHILADELPHIA Neufchatel Cheese and KRAFT Light Mayo Reduced Fat Mayonnaise instead of regular cream cJo Not sure why , but this morning I woke up thinking about The Bucket List , I told you , a week or two back that we had watched the movie starring Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson . However , every time I go on Facebook I see an ad at the side which says something about a Bucket List to do in my home town . I had a look at it the other day and it was full of things like spas and restaurants etc . The only trouble with this is one has to have money to be able to do all the things they suggested , or even that I might think of for myself . Morgan Freeman was lucky because Jack Nicholson was rich ; I 'm not and yet there are many things I would love to do before I die . They went to the Taj Mahal and the Great Wall of China , I would love to do that , I wouldn 't mind seeing the Grand Canyon either ( that is more witin the realms of possibility ) ; I could list a stack of things which I couldn 't possibly afford to do . I 'm not sure I would try sky diving - not fit enough apart from anything else . A young friend tried it in New Zealand and absolutely loved it . Here is a challenge , make up your own bucket list and add it to the comments section . Here 's a new one , a husband thought his wife was cheating on him so he opened her email to check . I should mention that they said she kept her password in a book beside her computer - silly thing to do if you want privacy - he is now being prosecuted for hacking and could face up to 5 years in jail . So spouses beware . What about opening each others snail mail ? We never hesitate to open mail whether its addressed to us or not , does that constitute a crime as well ? By the way , she was cheating . Not that I am having an affair I hasten to say , but I am quite safe , even though my email is not password protected , Matt wouldn 't have a clue how to get into it . I guess he could call in a friend when I wasn 't around or something . I wonder when it becomes hacking , if you just read someone 's email or if you have to use a password to do so . This winter , so far , has been quite incredible , Posted by We had a great meal at the Rushes Restaurant in Waterloo . Everyone enjoyed themselves . I pigged out on the starters this year , I had mussels which were really delicious , smoked salmon , crab claws and smoked trout . Thought about going back , but figured I wouldn 't eat any more if I did . I then had roast sweet potatoes , mashed swede ( turnip in Canada ) and turkey with a little gravy . I went back for a bit more turkey , the turkey was really moist . Finally I finished with a huge piece of carrot cake , couldn 't resist it . The beef this year was very overdone , and I didn 't even look at the ham . There were masses of other things available , but one can only eat so much after all . I drank a couple of glasses of Pinot Grigio with my meal and finished off with coffee . Some of our group , Matt included , were pigging out on the Brie , I thought about joining in but by then I had eaten more than enough . I almost felt pregnant I had stuffed myself so much . We got home around 8 : 30 and Matt checked the TV . There was a concert with Pavarotti and friends so we watched that and then I watched another version of The Nativity Story . That didn 't finish til midnight by which time Matt was fast asleep . I bought Matt a recording of The Italian Tenor by Vittorio Grigolo for an under the tree present so he played it through in the morning . I was a tad disappointed as there wasn 't a lot of material that I recognised although there were a lot of things by Puccini , what a wonderful voice that young man has . He hasn 't made many recordings yet , there is one other which appears to be show tunes , but I am not really interested in that . We have heard him touted as the new Pavarotti , I think he certainly has the makings . Boxing Day ( Dec . 26 for those who don 't have this holiday ) Matt called his family in the UK as usual and sinlaw Mike ( Scolopax Chronicles ) mentioned that they had had turkey with peanut sauce . We have asked for the recipe so when they send it I will pass it on . Sounds good . Basically we had a very quiet day and for supper ha5 smoked bacon rashers , 50g unsalted butterMethodSlice the bases from the Brussels sprouts and carefully separate the leaves , pulling them off the sprouts . Fry the bacon in a frying pan over a medium heat until soft but not coloured . Remove from the pan and drain on kitchen paper . Set aside . Melt the butter with the bacon fat in the frying pan over a medium low heat . When the butter is foaming , add the Brussels leaves and stir in the bacon . Add 2 tbsp water and cover the pan . Allow to cook for 3 - 5 minutes and season with salt and pepper . Cook 's tipsThe Brussels sprouts can be shredded with a knife if time is short . Have a great day I hope everyone has a fabulous day today and lots of good company with friends and family you enjoy . We are going out to dinner with friends tonight at Rushes , a local restaurant , where they have a fabulous Christmas buffet so I am looking forward to that . Have a great Christmas Posted by Dunno why , particularly , but yesterday , in the shower , I started thinking about how much people complain because to be politically correct we are not supposed to say Merry Christmas , but Happy Holidays to ensure that other religions in our country are not offended by harping on a Christian festival . I was also of the same mind , we are a Christian country etc . etc . Then I got to thinking about it , when the white man first came here , the Indian or Inuit races were not Christian either and had to be " converted " by the ravaging white hordes . Apart from which we have a lot of different versions of what a Christian is , be it Catholic , Protestant , Methodist , Baptist and so on and so on . All kinds of Christian religions are now accepted , but we expect everyone to conform to Christianity . Now we have other people being accepted into our communities who are not Christians ( well of course the Jews have been among us forever ) and who do not wish us to push Christianity down their throats at every turn . If we allow them to immigrate to our world , should we not also treat their religious beliefs with respect ? OK I know there are fanatical Muslims out there causing all kinds of havoc , but fanatical Christians have done some extremely questionable things through the years , not least of which was the Spanish Auto da fé and the English crusades , have you read what the Christians did to the Saracens in those wars , absolutely horrific . Fanatics are not exclusive to any religious community and Christians have produced some of the worst in their time . So whatever religion you follow , accept the Merry Christmas , the Happy Hannukah , the good wishes for Ramadan , or Kwanzaa and lets all practise religious tolerance . Back to more mundane matters , I lost my two teeth yesterday , was totally numb in jaw , tongue and most of my lower face for several hours and then in some pain for several more . I bought myself some hot and sour soup from a local Chinese restaurant and ate that for supper then managed a couple of bits of chocolate later . FJo Don 't forget to think healing thoughts for me this afternoon when I get my teeth extracted . I am not sure how likely I am to write a blog on Christmas Eve although I hope I will feel OK . I have been having something of a discussion on Glenda 's website about trilogies or individual books . I generally don 't mind trilogies like those written by Glenda Larke or Karen Miller , but I do agree that a single book means you don 't have to remember events and characters from volume to volume . A good example of this is the book I am reading now , as I mentioned yesterday , I am reading Towers of Midnight which is No . 13 in the Wheel of Time series . This series was begun by Robert Jordan ( who 's real name was James Oliver Rigney , Jr . ) as I mentioned yesterday , the novels are being completed by Brandon Sanderson due to the unfortunate death of Robert Jordon . The first book was published in 1990 and there is still one more book to come . The current book is some 840 pages of novel with another 20 or so pages of glossary and maps and each one of the books has been of a similar size . How the hell one is expected to remember everything for 20 years , I do not know . Funnily enough , I do remember a lot , but every now and then something crops up and I have no idea who all the characters in a chapter really are , maybe I will be reminded later on . The same situation applies to the James R . R . Martin A Song of Ice and Fire series , the last of which was published some 5 years ago . Another series , Earth 's Children by Jean M . Auel , is supposed to get another novel published in March next year ( 2004 was the last one ) . Meanwhile , we poor readers are supposed to keep all these characters in our heads . NOT easy . For supper last night we had a dish I invented some 40 years ago and which was a favourite of both my hubbies although funnily enough we haven 't made it in many a long year . Basically you layer a casserole dish with slices of canned corned beef , cover it with cooked elbow macaroni and then make a cheese sauce with onions in it . Smother the pasta with the cheese sauce and bake it in the oven until everything is warmed through and the tomatoes are cooked . Around 30 minutes at 400 ° F . Note : If you can 't find lychee juice , use canned lychee syrup . In a cocktail shaker , combine the lychee juice , grapefruit juice , vodka and ice cubes . Shake or stir well . Strain into martini glasses . Garnish each drink with 2 lychees and 1 lime slice . Idea : Freeze the lychees before putting them in the martinis . Do you re - gift ? I suppose it is something everyone has done at some time or another . This morning on GMA , they had tips on re - gifting and the first item was don 't re - gift anything with engraved initials on it - no , really ! ! ! Sometimes I wonder if they think everyone is stupid . Eastern Canada is having terrible problems with flooding caused by rain and storm surges . What a lovely Christmas present ! The weather seems to be playing up all over the place , last night I saw pictures out west showing houses collapsing into the flood waters . I am very glad I live where I do , of course there may be something I haven 't thought of but we live on a hill so flooding should certainly never be a problem . One good thing , it does seem that some of the airports are beginning to move their backlog of passengers although how long this will take is anybody 's guess . So long as Europe doesn 't get any more snow . Even Buffalo is going to have a meeting on why they couldn 't cope with their recent snow problems . I have just finished The White Lioness by Henning Mankell , it is the third in his Wallander series . This one was set in 1992 and was about a proposed plot by the African boere to assassinate Nelson Mandela . Sweden became involved because they conspirators sent the assassin to Sweden to practise in private before he went to do his job . In some ways it was a pretty horrid story . I was interested to discover , whilst reading , that Sweden uses white as a mourning colour ( as do the Chinese ) . I have the next of his books to read but I am now just about to read Towers of Midnight which is the penultimate book in the Wheel of Time series begun by Robert Jordan and being finished by Brandon Sanderson using Jordan 's notes . I am really looking forward to this although it is a very thick book and I only have a month to read it as I have no doubt there is a long waiting list at the library . I love smoked salmon and when I saw these from Eating Well , I just had to share them . Smoked Salmon BitesFrom EatingWell : November / December 2007WaPosted by We caught a programme - kind of by accident - on TVO2 ( Canadian Public Broadcasting ) last night . It was called The Age of Power , hosted by David Dimbleby . A fascinating look at how the Tudors used art as an instrument of power . It particularly showed paintings of Holbein who painted Henry VIII , his wives and his ministers . A fascinating programme . Not sure how many we have missed but we will certainly plan to catch the rest of them . I just googled , it appears we have missed two episodes . I hope they show them again . Will have to watch out for them , the previous ones were The Age of Worship and The Age of Conquest and the series is called The Seven Ages of Britain . What I thought was particularly funny was the painting of Henry VIII which now hangs in Cambridge university and his armour which was made towards the end of his life . Both were made or painted with large codpieces to emphasise the power of the man . In this copy you can 't see his legs of which Henry was particularly proud apparently . The armour was too heavy for him and he had to wear a special corset in order to support it . By this time he had a suppurating sore on his leg and was not a very well man . I was surprised to be reminded he died at 57 , not , to us , very old . The programme went on to show how his daughter , Elizabeth , emphasised her power in a much different way but still very much through art . It appears the air services between Europe and anywhere are thoroughly choked up . I think anyone planning to fly anywhere for Christmas might as well go home and give it up as a bad job . The European airports are totally clogged with snow which , of course , they are unused to and the backlog of flights is almost impossible for them to deal with from all reports . The odd plane is getting through , but not many . From Pearson Airport in Toronto they are flying one a day to Europe at the moment . Reports are of more snow and then clearing , but they don 't seem to think they will get the backlog dealt with before Christmas and there will be lots of cancelJo We had a delightful evening on Saturday although we had no idea we had been asked for dinner . It was a retirement party and people had brought gifts . A tad embarrassing as we hadn 't , we just hadn 't realised what we were being invited to . What a spread , there was enough food to feed an army and much to my delight it included things like Cevapcici and Pleskavica ( shown in the picture ) which are Serbian favourites of ours . There was so much food I didn 't get the chance to sample a lot of it . There was some nice looking salmon which Matt said was delicious . Luckily my teeth decided to be good that evening , however , then my legs played up instead . Honestly I am turning into a right old cripple . Funnily enough I was thinking of The Twelve Days of Christmas , the funny version , the other day , then a friend published a link to a YouTube version which I enjoyed 12 Days of Christmas The first time I ever heard this was shortly after we emigrated . I was at work and my desk was outside my boss ' office . Matt was at home and phoned me and read it to me over the phone , I was cracking up , and everyone was wondering what on earth I was laughing at . I came across this gorgeous looking quick fix recipe in a BBC newsletter and couldn 't resist sharing it . I am not sure how it will work with the cream over here , just get the thickest , highest fat available to you . For digestive biscuits of course , use Graham wafers or crackers . Of course you could also use a pre - made Graham cracker crust . Baileys and Chocolate Cheesecake from the kitchen of Rob Burns Ingredients 100g / 3 ½ oz butter 250g / 8 ¾ oz digestive biscuits , crushed 600g / 1lb 5oz Philadelphia cream cheese 25ml / 1fl oz Baileys 100ml / 3 ½ oz icing sugar ( confectioner 's ) 300ml / 10 ½ oz double cream , whipped 100g / 3 ½ oz grated chocolate To garnish 200ml / 7 ¼ oz double cream , whipped cocoa powder , to dust Preparation method 1 . Melt the butter in a pan and add the crushed digestive biscuits . Mix well until the biscuits have absorbed all the butter . 2 . Remove from the heat and pressJo Good morning , hopefully it will continue to be a better one for me . My Friday was a lot better than my Thursday . OK , I have been wingeing a lot , but I think I had plenty of reason so to do . This evening we have a retirement party to go to and I hope I will be able to . By the way , for those of you who have read the remedy of rubbing the palm of your hand with ice , I tried it , it doesn 't work ! ! I must say my eating habits have been drastically affected this last few days , I have been eating soup , scrambled eggs , fish and other soft foods . I actually found haddock loins poached in milk with a little butter and seasoning are quite delicious . You can actually taste the delicious fish . Last night , I had that , a few peas ( squish easily ) and a baked potato . I struggled to eat the skin ; but I like properly baked tatie skin so much ! ! ! One of those occasions where I am not sure if the pleasure was worth the pain . Tomorrow lunch time I have some Hot and Sour soup which Matt picked up for me on his return from bowling . Looking forward to it . Oddly enough , the world has continued without me and my commentary the last couple of days , how disappointing , it couldn 't wait for me . Assange has been in and out of a British jail , the Swedish want him for sexual offences and the Americans want him for violating their secrecy . I have never really understood how he got hold of the secrets he revealed , but whoever you are , I am not sure revealing them is the best way to go . Many people can get hurt in the process who are actually innocents in the games of governments . There 's free speech and there 's stirring up shit . Who makes the classification depends on where you stand . Weather wise we seem to be escaping the worst stuff . All around us are still suffering and in Eastern Canada the flooding is appalling . I have been flooded once myself , but nothing like as badly as those poor people . I liked the sound of this cake , chocolate and rum , what more could I ask for ? The picture is not actually from the recipe but seemed pretty similar . IPosted by Back to the saga of my poor , aching teeth . Having arisen before the cock crowed on Thursday , I visited the dentist and got the partner who turned out to be a female dentist and very nice even though she would not extract until I had taken a course of antibiotics and stopped my blood thinner for three days , the upshot being nothing doing til next Thursday - I do hope I will be able to eat on Christmas Day . When we went to pick up the mail , there was a note to go to the Post Office to collect a parcel . Presumably they had called whilst we were out , how annoying . It was my sugar free Christmas cake and cookies which I can 't eat at the moment anyway . I am living on soup and eggs , etc . I also discovered I have put on weight which really isn 't fair because I haven 't eaten much at all . Anyway , I am not really up to blogging at the moment , sorry everyone . I can 't even think straight as I am doped to the eyebrows with pain killers and antibiotics . Keep your fingers crossed . Have a great day . Posted by Lately I have had a cold , dizzy spells and major tooth aches but last night we had a delightful evening with some friends . I went for my diabetes check up with the doc and then went to our friends ' house and had a great time with them - we thank them so much . This morning the Dentist , last night a great meal , great company and a few drinks . I am not sure how much blog is going to get posted , as I told you yesterday , I have an 8 : 30 appointment so this may be it . Have a great day Posted by As I mentioned yesterday , I have bad toothache , I was hoping to get two teeth pulled , but no luck , supposed to go to the dentist today . However , we now have an invitation to supper and things aren 't as bad as they were , so I think I will put it off . In fact I now have an appointment for 8 : 30 a . m . tomorrow , which , considering its in the next town , is very , very early . Oh well , not as bad as friends , she is having an MRI at 3 a . m . on Sunday morning , also in another town . I am sure glad I don 't live in London , Ontario , they have been having snow upon snow , upon snow with people being stuck on the highways for hours on end - I know they talked of 300 people , how many of those were stupid enough to ignore the barriers and figure they could " do it " , I don 't know , but several did apparently . " I have a 4 x 4 , it won 't give me a problem " , only it did . We still don 't have much round here and I have decided why that is , the superintendent has a brand new snow plough which , as yet , has never been used . Previously people were hired to plough , but this year , the super is doing it himself , but so far , no joy with his new toy . The 402 Hiway is still closed after yesterday 's storms , they were supposed to get a lot more , haven 't heard if they did . Helicopters ferried 230 stranded people away from the blocked roads although some people stayed with their vehicles . When we have this much trouble in Ontario , you know its bad , basically we are used to handling such weather . Check out the photos here http : / / www . cbc . ca / photogallery / canada / 4226 / Here 's a very different way of serving potatoes over the holiday period . Yukon Gold & Sweet Potato Mash From EatingWell : November / December 2008 , November / December 2007 The addition of delicious sweet potatoes gives a nutrient boost to mashed potatoes . Double it : Cook the potatoes in a Dutch oven rather than a large saucepan . 6 servings Ingredients 1 pound Yukon Gold potatoes , peeled and cut into 1 1 / 2 - inch chunks 1 pound sweet potatoes , peeled and cut into 1 1 / 2 - inch chunJo We have two elevators at our apartment building , they are in the process of being replaced , working on one at a time , however , Monday afternoon I went to check the mail and the working elevator wasn 't - working I mean . I just hope to goodness there was no emergency . For me personally , I might make it down the five floors , but I would never make it up them again . Just as well I didn 't go bowling , Matt had to walk up from the garage . He stopped to get the mail and said there was a woman in a wheelchair and another with a wheeled walker who were just arriving so what the heck they would have done I have no idea . The mechanic hadn 't come and so it took a long time to fix it . Hope he has done so this morning . I am in major pain this morning with toothache so gotta see if I can get an appointment . All for this morning . When everyone is producing cookie , cake or dessert recipes , the other day Ron Claiborne , newscaster of the Weekend Good Morning America cooked up this chilli which actually looked good enough to eat . Ron 's Turkey Chili a la Claiborne Recipe Courtesy Ron Claiborne Servings : Over 8 Are you looking for a filling winter meal ? This hearty chili is just the right blend of spice , vegetables and turkey , and its sure to leave your family satisfied . Ingredients 2 to 2 1 / 2 lbs ground turkey 2 boxes of chili seasoning ( Wick Fowler 's " 2 Alarm Chili Kit " or Carroll Shelby 's " Chili Kit " ) 2 ( 15 . 5oz ) cans kidney beans , rinsed 1 ( 15 . 5oz ) can white navy beans , rinsed 1 cup water , more or less 2 ( 14 . 5oz ) cans stewed tomatoes 1 ( 8oz ) can tomato paste 1 yellow onion , diced 3 bell peppers , diced 3 large carrots , diced 1 box frozen corn 1 box frozen baby peas 1 heaping tablespoon unsweetened cocoa powder 1 tablespoon olive oil 1 / 2 bottle of beer ( optional ) Chopped Jalapenos or hot chili peppers to taste Directions In a large stewpot , soften the onions and bell peppers in olive oil over medium heat . In a separate skillet , cook the ground turkey . Once the turkey is browned ( and no pink remains ) , drain the liquid and add tJo I said we hadn 't had Portobello mushrooms for a while , well we did on Saturday evening . Just gently sautéed in butter . They were delicious . We had a simple dinner of a fillet steak and the mushrooms together with a glass or two of wine . Can 't be easily beaten . I also started Pock 's World over the weekend . It is by Dave Duncan who is one of my favourite authors . I see on Amazon . com they are promising to get it to you by Christmas if your order straight away . It is a very different story from anything I have read written by Dave Duncan before . I haven 't got very far into it , but it takes place on a planet which is about to be cauterized because of the possible existence of non human look alikes . That means the death of over 6 million people . On Sunday morning I heard someone on GMA talking about tipping . She was giving advice on who should be tipped at this time of the year . Maybe she had a lot of money , but I certainly couldn 't afford , even when I was working , to hand out tips to all the people she recommended . Go to http : / / tinyurl . com / 36w3wd2 although this is not the same source , these women have very big ideas on what and who and how much to tip . As a pensioner I certainly couldn 't all the tips they talk about . Absolute nonsense . They talk about economic problems , but these people obviously have NOT been affected by the current economy or they have more money than sense . Talk about coincidences . Last night we watched The Bucket List what a fantastic movie with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson , if you have never seen it , I can highly recommend it . Jack Nicholson , being a very rich man in the movie , was drinking Kopi Luwak which is the most expensive coffee in the world , however , Morgan Freeman who knew everything ( he was a whiz at Jeopardy ) convinced Jack that in fact the coffee berries are eaten by civet cats , excreted and then the natives roast them and make coffee . Jack Nicholson said " are you shitting me " and Morgan Freeman said " no the cats beat me to it " . Damn me if an hour after the movie there was a segment on the news about Kopi Luwak - it costs about $ 25 a cup or $ 500 a pound . The picture shows the source of the pre - digested coffee beans . One cannot imagine how it came about that anyone tried this in the first place . Nor can I imagine why anyone would pay through the nose to drink it . Bianna Golodryga is one of the hosts of the weekend edition of Good Morning America . All the programme hosts have been sharing recipes which they eat at Christmas and this was her contribution . I never look at chocolate pie recipes without thinking of Matt 's youngest when she came to visit us in Canada some 20 years ago . She went absolutely nuts on chocolate pie and we had to buy frozen pies by the dozen for her , every restaurant we went into , she ordered chocolate pie for dessert . In a large bowl , combine cream cheese , sugar , vanilla and cocoa and mix with a hand mixer on medium speed until the mixture is smooth . Add cool whip and continue mixing until all of cool whip is blended with the filling and the mixture becomes thick . Pour filling into the pie crust . Sprinkle with toasted nuts , if desired . Have a great day
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AwesomeCloud loves things with buttons . That includes cameras . He 's taken pictures before , but I 've been giving him instructions and his skills are improving . He can now point the camera at the desired subject . He can also push the button when I tell him to . He can 't frame the photo yet , but with a little trial and error , he can at least get the cat into the photo some of the time . This morning he was chasing Riley around with the camera , with some encouragement from me . Here she is practicing her favorite pastime - searching for forgotten morsels of dry food on the kitchen floor . Later I found a piece of yarn , and Riley chased the yarn while Cloud chased Riley . Melody noticed the yarn and had to play , too , but she absolutely refused to face the camera . Then Cloud and I switched roles and I got a couple of decent shots of him and Riley playing together . Forgive the mess in the living room . I have no clever excuses . It 's just a toy - strewn living room , and that 's that . Here 's my male cat , Ban Lu , aka " Old Man , " making a face . I 'm only posting this photo because I want to link it to another site that doesn 't allow uploads , and if I upload it to Flickr , then all you guys wouldn 't arbitrarily be enjoying his grand catness . In other news , the men of the house ( human , that is ) went to the Museum of Science in Boston today . I wish I 'd gone . Now I 've missed my son 's first visit to the MoS . Bummer . Age three is fast approaching , and oh my ! ! ! ! it 's amazing to watch . AwesomeCloud is undergoing an amazing transformation . No longer is he our little sack of potatoes , staring dully out into the world as if nothing were there . No longer is he our little clinging monkey - boy , latched onto mama and daddy like a baby chimpanzee . He does stuff now . Amazing stuff . Human stuff . I love to watch his lips move when he talks . Maybe I 'm afraid I 'm imagining the words coming out of his mouth . . . maybe it just astonishes me that the same lips that only ever said , " Ah ah ah " and " WAAAAAAH " a year ago have gained such versatility . Maybe I 'm afraid he 'll stop talking again . There 's no reason for me to expect that . His speech development is full speed ahead , damn the torpedoes . He plays with Beanie Baby cats . Not only is he not afraid of them ; he actually loves them . He carries them around with him and makes them eat invisible food . He makes them play " Head Shoulders Knees and Toes " and he actually sings the whole song himself - the tune if not quite exactly the words . He folds them over so their paws are touching various body parts . He has renamed himself " Jack . " I don 't know why . I think it 's hilarious . I go along with it and call him Jack both in private and in public if he asks me to . Daddy isn 't as amused by it ; I assured him that it would probably stop in a day or two and Cloud would forget all about his little name - change game , but he hasn 't . Today at the mall he asked me to call him " Jack " while we were playing Trot - Trot . Then just before bedtime , we were tumbling on the bed and he asked me to call him " Jack " again . He 'd leave the room repeatedly , and return shouting , " Baack ! " " Jack is back ! " I 'd say . This was the funniest thing in the whole world . He carries on conversations with friendly strangers . He can 't tell them his name , but he can answer " How old are you ? " ( " TWOOO ! " ) and " How are you ? " ( " Gooh . " ) He asks for food and then rejects it . He tries kicking me , just to see what will happen . ( Nothing good happens . ) When we 're gettiPosted by I often worry about Cloud 's inability to be separated from me ( except when he 's with his daddy ; he 's fine with that ) . There might be preschool in his future , and babysitters , and of course sometimes I 'd like to use the bathroom in peace without compelling him to interrupt his game . We recently discovered the Sturgis library , which has a wonderful new train table . It 's essentially the same as every other library 's train table ( train tables seem to be popular in libraries around here ) but that doesn 't matter - it 's new to Cloud , and therefore it 's irresistible . Unfortunately , just as Cloud was ripping off his jacket and laying claim to the train table , I informed him that I had to use the restroom . I asked , " Do you want to come with me or stay here and play with the trains ? " " Teens , " he said emphatically , but he followed me into the restroom . ( It was right there , barely 5 feet away from the train table . I 'd been hoping . . . ) So I closed the door behind us , and he immediately tried to open it again . So I asked him again . " Teens , " he said . I opened the door and told him to make up his mind , trains or restroom , because I was about to shut the door again if he didn 't hurry up . And he left ! He went right to the train table , and when I came out again , he was still there and he was perfectly fine . I 'm not letting my hopes rise too far up , though . One paltry example of him entertaining himself for a minute and a half without me isn 't an official Turning Point . I know that , at his age , clinginess isn 't entirely abnormal . I 've been told that I can work on the issue by gradually backing away from him , until he eventually learns that he 's perfectly fine if I 'm not standing directly next to him . I 've tried that , and it backfires . He starts watching me carefully for any signs that I might pull the backing - away stunt again . He gets so sensitive that any teeny step backwards or glance toward the door gets him grabbing at me or shadowing me . It 's at the point where I don 't feel like it 's worth the effort anymore . I 'm stuck letting him cling . Posted by From AdoptionTalk : Abducted v . Adopted : What 's the Difference ? At Huffington Post , Jennifer Lauck , author of Found : A Memoir and Blackbird : A Childhood Lost and Found , asks that question : Carlina White said she always had a sense she did not belong to the family that raised her . The twenty - three - year - old woman had been abducted in 1987 from a Harlem Hospital when she was nineteen - days - old . White was then raised by her abductor , Ann Pettway . Pettway is now in custody for kidnapping . What White expresses about her sense of belonging is what I have felt for all the years of my own life - - only I am called adopted versus abducted . And in the comments section : Anonymous said . . . With all due respect , making the decision to sign away the rights to your child are not in any way the same as having a child taken by force as perpetrated in the crime discussed in this article . Sorry , but second thoughts and regrets are just not the same . While I may be sympathetic to mothers who felt they had no recourse or faced societal pressures and stigmas , pretending its the same , doesn 't make it so . Dear AwesomeCloud , Don 't ever diminish other people 's pain . Not even if you think their pain is unjustified . Not even if you think they 're overcomparing it to something much worse than anything they 've ever experienced . Not even if your pain is clearly greater than theirs . Not even if you could out - angst them with one hand tied behind your back , on your birthday , with cake . Not even if they obviously don 't know what they 're talking about . Not even if they say , " I know exactly how you feel . My friend got a puppy when it was too young , and it whined a lot and missed its mom for a whole year . " Not even if they say , " I feel terribly , terribly alone in the world , and don 't tell me I have a wonderful family , because I still feel terribly , terribly alone in the world . " Let me tell you something about other people 's pain : it 's annoying . That 's right , it 's annoying . If you hear somebody complain about how hard it is to be them , and you get annoyed , you 're not aPosted by We had a blast at Templecon this past weekend . In terms of the dealer table , it wasn 't great , but the show itself was so colorful and musical that we couldn 't help having fun . Cloud was at his very best . Although our personal space at the table was tiny , some of Cloud 's favorite activities were nearby , so Daddy and I could take turns wandering off with him without inconveniencing whichever of us was left at the table . As the con went on , Cloud got more and more popular . Everybody recognized him . Twenty or thirty people passed us in the hallway and stopped and squealed , " I saw you DANCING ! " Apparently , Cloud did a lot of dancing . There were bands onstage at all hours of day and night , so the stage became the go - to place for us . " Look , look , there 's the cute kid I was telling you about ! " shouted one young woman in an elaborate white dress to her friends . " Isn 't he adorable ? ! " Then to me she asked , " Was he dressed like Mario last night ? " " Only accidentally , " I explained . " But I 'll take it ! " See , we had an official costume for him - a tweed jacket , a velvet vest and purple shirt and tie , plus dress pants and patent leather shoes . For a prop we got him a vintage brass toy horn . That 's what he wore on Saturday . On Friday , he had on jean overalls , and somehow ended up in a red shirt . All he needed was the Mario hat ! We will have to find one someday . Other comments he elicited : " He 's not afraid of the zombies at all . That is so awesome . " ( When we walked in on the makeup session preceding the zombie crawl ) " OMG . He is the cutest kid in the world . I 'm just going to die . " ( When he attempted to help a woman pull her wheeled suitcase down the hall ) " I was telling my mom about my new adopted friend , and she said , ' How old is this guy ? ' and I was like , ' He 's two . ' And she was all like , ' Ohh . . . hrmmm . ' But I didn 't care . He 's my new best adopted friend ! " ( A female staff member who was friendly and helpful and also adopted ) " Hi , little guy ! Wow , he 's pretty cute in that getup . How old are you ? " ( A big burly guy in the elevator with piercinPosted by I can 't quite explain it , but it 's happening . My son says " Thank you . " Okay , that 's an easy one ; I 've worked hard on that one by saying " Thank you " myself all day every day . I say it when he gives me something and I say it when I give him something . I say it after he says it , instead of " You 're welcome . " As a result , he doesn 't know " You 're welcome " but he says " Thank you " unprompted at least twenty times a day . But where did " Please " come from ? He hears the word " please " often enough , and the speech therapist uses it a lot too . But language - wise , it 's just noise . He 's not ready for noise yet . He 's still at the stage of blurting out a single word ( or the occasional two - word phrase , as long as the two words go together , like " Brown Bear " when he 's asking for his kiddie CD ) . But now , when he wants something , he 'll name the item , pause , and add , " Peeeeze ! " Or he 'll just say " Peeeeze ! " and hopes I guess what he wants . He also says " Excuse me " ( or " Hoo hee " ) but he only says it to cats . Now I 'm wondering if I can teach him to spontaneously say " Sorry . " Can you imagine ? That would be incredible . Then I can become one of those obnoxious moms who says , " Parents these days don 't bother to teach their children common etiquette . That 's what 's wrong with the world today . Look at my AwesomeCloud here ; he says ' Please ' and ' Thank you ' and ' I 'm sorry ' without even any prompting . " Old ladies would love me ! Everyone else , not so much . In other news , we have a dealer table at Templecon starting this evening . Here 's a picture of our dealer table at a recent con , PiCon : At Templecon , we 're all going in Victorian . . . well . . . more like Edwardian garb . Even Cloud . It should be fun . I 've been unusually cynical and sarcastic on this blog , haven 't I ? Not quite ranty , fortunately , but I seem to be looking down on my hypothetical audience . Any real people reading this should rest assured that I still respect you . Among AwesomeCloud 's great accomplishments today was drawing in a library book for the first time . With a pen , of course . He is no longer at the age where I can keep all pens and paper products safe from him . Not in the House of 4000 Books and almost as many pens . Another great accomplishment was that he climbed up on my knees while I was sprawled on the couch , attempting to read the library book ( before the pen incident ) and shouted , " Top ! " He shouted it until I said " Top " too . Yay top . In hindsight , I think the library book was specifically targeted . It was taking my attention away from him , and therefore when he found the opportunity to deface something , it was the obvious choice . He also went way out of his way to get it , leaning over several other things made of paper to reach it on the other side of the kitchen table while I was busy doing other things . It looks targeted to me . Umm . That doesn 't help me figure out what to do about it , though . Stop getting library books ? I dunno . I like library books . Twice recently people have inquired about Melody , our cat with cerebellar hypoplasia . Once it was the speech therapist - she watched Melody stumble in from the bedroom and said , " How does that cat get from one side of the house to the other every day . . . well , I guess she 's used to it . . . ? " ( Which was hilarious in itself because it 's less than 20 feet from her bed in the bedroom to her food bowl in the kitchen , and her litter box is in the bathroom in between them . She doesn 't do stairs , so her available territory is actually very , very small . ) And then the Early Intervention teacher said , as she saw Melody come out a few days later , " Oh , there 's Melody . How is she doing ? Is she feeling okay ? " Whenever someone shows concern about Mel , I always get enormous glee out of answering , " Oh , she 's the healthy one . She 's no trouble at all . It 's the other two that give me problems and are sick all the time . " And then I laugh at the shock and confusion on their faces . Cerebellar hypoplasia is a lot like cerebral palsy - it 's a single instance of brain damage , usually in utero , followed by a potentially long , healthy life ( depending on the cat 's living environment ) . Some cats with CH have heart defects , and some are incontinent , but Melody has neither of those . She 's just a healthy , normal cat , with the personality of your average cat and the common sense of one too , whose muscle control is very poor and who stumbles when she walks and can 't coordinate all four legs well enough to jump . She 's easy . She never bolts out the front door , and she never eats the pizza I forgot I left on the counter . The other two , however , are on a special diet because of their IBS . If either one of them eats commercial cat food , they get very , very ill . Plus , Riley has all sorts of behavior problems and food issues as a result of her abdominal discomfort , and she seems utterly convinced that she 's starving to death . Yeah , Melody is definitely not the poor , poor sick kitty in this family . And I will laugh at you endlessly if you think otherwise . : ) That 's Posted by February is Black History Month . To celebrate , I recommend picking up a copy of The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot . It 's the story of a black woman who dies of cervical cancer in the 1950 's and then revolutionizes the human cell research industry . It 's also the story of a grad student who gets swept up in the drama of the surviving members of the Lacks family as she researches the book . The science is approachable , the human stories are compelling , and the victories and tragedies experienced by the people involved might make you cry a little . It 's an important bit of American history that hardly anyone knows about ( except everyone who helped make this book a well - deserved best - seller ) and it 's the best book I 've read in a long , long time . Possibly ever . I don 't know . It 's an easy , effortless way to feel like you 're celebrating Black History Month , and it 's an easy book to get . I saw it in two displays this morning at B & N , and it 's been out for over a year already , so there probably isn 't a waiting list for it at your local library . Hey , give me your recommendations , too . Right now I 'm reading " The Woman Who Fell From the Sky " which is about a journalist who spent 3 weeks in Yemen . It 's a fast read , though . What should I read next ? This was originally my China / adoption blog , but now that we 're moving to Vietnam , it 's now my Vietnam blog . Life is one grand adventure . Sometimes kind of an oddball adventure . Would you like to follow my blog ? Please do ! And if you leave your blog in a comment , I 'll follow yours too . This is my baby . We worked long and hard to have this baby . Well , actually , it wasn 't so bad ; we had a good agency , and because we were interested in adopting a boy , our wait was pretty short . Now he 's home , and he 's awesome . " AwesomeCloud " is the rough translation of his Chinese name , and he lives up to it .
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Happy New Year ! I am not one of those people who 1 . goes out on New Year 's Eve and 2 . makes new year resolutions . We are just trying to figure out what to do about dinner tonight so we can get food and get back in before the drunks get on the road . However , I did have a startling revelation this week . My friend , Risa D ' Angeles does a fabulous weekly horoscope , Night Light News . Last week the horoscope talked about not feeling guilt for changing things to make the world better . Yes , that was eye opening for me , the queen of guilt . Then I realized if I would stop judging myself harshly , maybe I could do the same thing for others and not judge others with that same critical voice . D ' oh ! So happy new year ! May 2007 be fabulous for all of us except Bush . I am in the middle of walking the dogs . This business about Saddam being hung within hours is really bugging me . I am not for the death penalty in any way shape of form . Having had a number of brushes with friends and relatives who have been murdered , I was firmly committed to having those people serve life sentences for their acts . Killing Saddam doesn 't bring Pat Tillman back . He is dead at the hands of the army he served . There are still no complete answers to why we lost him . There is still no plan for why we continue to be in Iraq and no plan for all those Marines the idiot in chief is going to use in Iraq as fodder to escalate the violence . I don 't know why there is this need for blood lust . As a Scorpio , I know revenge but I usually prefer the petty kind . I have no vote in this whole proceeding . The carnage will escalate today and the bombs will continue to explode . Lives will continue to be shattered while that jackass sits in Texas , clearing brush and ignoring Gerald Ford 's funeral . Of course this is all happening with these people in charge , they have no respect for life and a high regard for death , as long as it isn 't theirs . Disgusting . I think I am stoned on cookies . I am having a hard time putting sentences together and am just fixated on the box of sparkley cookies sitting on the table . Must . . . eat . . . another . . . one . As usual , my Christmas day was spent with family . We feasted over presents and pork on Christmas morning . One of my nieces works in the bra department of the local Nordstrom 's so she had us roaring over bra fittings for the large and small woman . Yes , but we seem so normal . By the end of the prime rib feast at my sister 's , I needed to be in a room by myself . No jokes , no tv , no relatives anywhere to be seen . Just the dogs and cats . OK , maybe Jo . Today was spent in catatonic bliss . Waking up for a half and hour and then going back to bed , because I could . This is what the holidays are really about , gluttony and sleeping . My grandmother was a constant all of my life until her last day here . She was a loving , funny woman who fed us tortillas right off the grill with butter dripping down our arms . My siblings and cousins can still get a look on our faces remembering those times . For Christmas Eve , Grandma would put on a Mexican buffet of unbelievable proportions . All of us would trek over there and hang out , eat and watch my grandma open her presents . It was an all evening laugh fest , filled with chile , tamales , ham , tortillas , rice , beans and plenty o ' dessert . When Grandma died in the 80 's those festivities went away . While living in New Mexico , I realized I was missing that part of Christmas . So I started making phone calls to my cousin 's , my mom and my aunt to regroup and get this party started again . I decided that my generation had to be in charge of the food so we could learn how to make the food and keep the traditions alive . Then I threw in a new twist with an ornament exchange . You know when you can steal ornaments from someone else then they have to pick a new one or steal from another . With my family it can get a little wild . Like last night there was the reappearance of the yule stool , a turd ornament . Last night was particularly special for us because we had cousins there who we hadn 't seen in about 30 years . I won 't go into the long , sad story of family hurts but I will tell you my heart was full of joy getting to see my cousins , one of the kids and the rest of my family all carrying on in the true grace of real family values . I could also feel the spirits of my grandmother , my father and uncle enjoying the laughter and love in the room . And it wasn 't even Christmas Eve . No wonder I love this time of the year the most . Big news here in the Golden State . The state Supremes are going to review the case for same sex marriage next year . The SJ Merc has an article detailing the upcoming legal battle . In this story , the writer quotes the fabulous Shannon Minter from the National Center for Lesbian Rights . Shannon did an incredible job arguing our case in the Appeals court earlier this year . We lost that one and that is why the Supremes will be hearing the case . Shannon summarizes this situation : " Every day that goes by , ' ' he said , ' ' our couples are hurt in so many different ways by not being able to legally marry . ' ' Amen brother . Shannon talked about how some of the litigants are in their 80 's . That would be our lesbian godmothers , Phyllis Lyon and Del Martin , otherwise known as just Phyllis and Del . They were the first couple married in San Francisco and have been together for over 50 years . I adore those two women . I love listening to their stories and the fights they have won for us over the years . As far as I 'm concerned the lgbt movement is nothing without them . So now how about lgbt Latinos and marriage . I am on the board of the National Latino Coalition for Justice , NLCJ . We are working on bringing the conversation about marriage into the Latino community in the same way the Black Justice Coalition has done in the African American community . Here 's that key piece of organizing successfully . Have the right outreach people . Send Latinos to the Latino communities and send African Americans to the black churches . It 's that simple . We can construct the right messages for our communities , we look the same as the people we are speaking with and share much of the same history . The hard part for the lgbt community is getting us to the table at the beginning of the efforts . We always know when we are added as an afterthought . That doesn 't help the trust needed to be successful . I personally think the key to this whole battle will be the successful organization of our friends in the faith communities . This will be the front line of public debaPosted by When I started this blog this year it was with the intention of getting back to do regular writing like in my former life as a journalist . It was just to have fun , write about things that interest me and join the blogosphere . Since then , I have become obsessed and corrupted by statcounter . Apparently instead of enjoying myself and just goofing off with this new toy , I have become valid if only someone reads this blog . I have succumbed to the bane of competitive writing . It is all about the number of hits I get on this site . Ego , ego , ego has taken over so , while continuing to write about things that interest me , I must check all the time to see who has visited . But this begs the question of chicken v . egg . If a writer writes and no one reads the writing what does that make the writer ? I was talking to my friend , Reverend Holly Beaumont tonight . I was whining about no one reading my blog . Her response ? " Now you what it is like to write and preach a sermon and then have someone say to you ' Sorry I missed church this week , we went to the lake . ' " Amen , sister . But since much of my part of the world is slowing down for various holidays , so goes the blogosphere . No time to read or write much , let alone pay attention to these ramblings . Oh well , I will just continue plodding along and try to remember to have fun . Sheesh , I am an old Eeyore . Gore / Obama anyone ? I will be interested to see who announces their Presidential candidacy before the end of the year . John Edwards will be announcing in the lower 9th ward soon . I would also bet that my former Governor , Bill Richardson will get out of the blocks soon too . Giuliani right after the first of the year , I 'd wager . Rosie O for Price is Right ? Evan Low for State Assembly ? Oh wait , he hasn 't even been on the Campbell city Council for a month yet . I got a little ahead . The gas prices keep going up so BushCo is punishing us firmly and reminding us who is really in charge . Can anything happen related to LGBT rights without HRC sending out a press release ? Today it was commentary about the new Log Cabin director . Oh boy , I so don 't care . If the public only knew about the behind the scenes scandals , I wonder if the money would keep flowing . The L Word comes back in two weeks . Now we can see how stupid Bette will fix her kidnapping her baby situation . Carmen is gone but Marlee Matlin and Cybill Shepherd are joing the cast . Sigh , no Latinas . Don 't forget New Orleans . Find some way to make your community better . Have fun . Let someone merge in on the road . Be kind to animals . Be kind to children . Be kind to people older than yourself . Be grateful for one thing today . Every time I see Bush or Rumsfeld on tv with their smug ass faces telling us that they know better , I want to do a number of things . Bitch slap , scream at them , the usual run of the mill responses . The San Jose Mercury is running a series of articles about the life of a local man who came back from Iraq with a traumatic brain injury . This is what those aholes have done to our country and citizens . Please read this . Leonard Pitts . columnist from the Miami Herald had written an exquisite piece of equality for all people . Start your weekend right with this lovely read . You may find yourself humming after reading it . My my , seems the good rev Dobson is a plagiarist . He had a ridiculous column printed in Time mag with his asinine analysis of Mary Cheney 's pregnancy . I know there are a lot of people riveted on every word he says . Luckily there are millions who don 't give a crap . According to Pam over at the Blend , he swiped a paragraph from another author without any acknowledgment . Then Americablog points out that two scientists have sent letters to Dobson demanding that he never reference their material again and that he , um , lied about their outcomes . Bad , bad man . Time has a lot of ' splainin to do . Posted by I finally got my Time mag today and was immediately immersed in the article about Alexander Litvinenko . It is a long , thorough article about the spy vs spy story involving , basically the whole world . A while back while writing about this story , a reader questioned what Putin 's motive was if he , in fact , had Litvinenko murdered . I responded with a typically American response , " Of course I know what I am talking about . " In fact , I know only what I read from a multitude of sources . Time pointed out the error of my ways . I can count to 100 in Russian , I don 't speak the language . I have read many books and seen a great deal of Russian art , I have never been to Russia and seen Russian art in the Tretyakov museum . This blog has given me a chance to remember how much I like to write , what in fact , I learned in college . Many people in the blogosphere are experts in areas of great concern . Glenn Greenwald is a lawyer and writes about the law . I am an expert only on what I find of interest . That is not to say I am an expert on everything I am interested in but merely an expert on what I pursue in knowledge . Thus , I have become a student of hockey . I can now carry on a conversation about icing , boarding , fighting and whether a player is playing well or my team sucks . I even read " Ice Hockey for Dummies " this summer . Any chance I get , I 'm off to see the Sharks . Ask me a question about politics and I can probably have a pretty informed opinion unless you ask me about the politics of Columbus , Ohio . National , state and local I can pop up with something to discuss and explore . I have spent hours on the phone with Ms Marinucci . She gets her payoff this month for being such a good friend with a dozen home made tamales . Yeah yeah what 's the point ? I don ; t know if I have one but I have been taught to make amends when wrong . So I doing the public , national and international flagellation for acting like a know - it - all American . I guess there is more to learn . Posted by I started to write about some holiday downer and then came to my senses . Since I have been invited back for a second job interview after Christmas I am now officially deliriously happy . What a nut case I am acting like a dissertation on death and dying is nice reading less than 2 weeks before Christmas . Time to go shopping I say ! Oh wait , I am almost done shopping . Time to finish the Christmas cards , wrap presents tomorrow , watch the Sharks , oh yes , I get to have fun . Ruby the now tail less cat is doing well , the two long haired dogs have been shorn of their hair , some long lost cousins are coming for our Christmas party at my sister 's house and life is good . I am going to Sharks game Saturday night , my cousin 's family is coming over Friday to see our animated tree and Christmas village ( see picture ) , I have gas in my car and presents under the tree . Yeah baby , it 's beginning to look a lot like Christmas . . . . . Yesterday , Dec 12th was the feast day of the Virgen of Guadalupe . For most Mexicans , she is considered the patron saint of Mexico . I would include myself in that group . While my grandparents were devoted to San Martin de Porres and St Jude , I had always felt much more drawn to Mama Lupe because of her maternal image and desire for good things to happen for her people . Today I have an old calender picture that belonged to my great grandmother and have various images of her around my house . She has , of course , a heavenly look on her face but I also feel the warmth and concern of the dark skinned mother . A few years back , my cousin lost his son in some sort of freak incident . Looked like SIDS but wasn 't . Anyway , we were all devastated with this loss of an 18 month old child . The aftermath was painful with months of loss of faith , doubt about the future and frustration with having a huge gap in all our lives . I kept praying to the Virgen asking for some help . I went to Mexico for the feast day with my co - worker to stay at her parents house in Juarez . What I saw was an amazing display of devotion and faith . Thousands of people were dancing , singing and praying both inside and outside the Cathedral in Juarez . Additionally , there were a number of crosses in front of the Cathedral calling attention to the women who have disappeared around Juarez . There was a large painted picture of the Virgen in the plaza that I stopped to visit with there . I asked Mama to help my cousin and bring that baby to them . She promised she would do that but I had to promise to always help the Mexican people . Fair enough , I was given talents to help people and these are my people so I should help my family . Riley will be four next month . She came to my cousins within seconds of her birth . I go over and see her at least once a week . Yesterday I had an interview with an agency that works for immigrants . They already asked me back for a second interview . Thanks , Mamita , I promise to help the family . My head is spinning from all the developments of the Litvinenko poisonings . Here 's the latest from the NY Times . London , Moscow , Hamburg , where will this go next ? More information about the Litvinenko poisoning indicates more clues pointing towards Moscow as the source of the radioactive materials used . According to WaPo , there was a press conference held in Germany shedding more light on this puzzle . Now Moscow is investigating the death in London while the Brits are in Moscow investigating . The Germans have found traces of the polonium 210 in Hamburg . From yesterday 's press conference : German radiation experts said Sunday that they had confirmed the presence of polonium - 210 , the substance that killed Litvinenko , at two locations in Germany and were 95 percent certain that traces found at other locations had come from that radioactive isotope . Final tests were needed to confirm its presence at some locations , German officials said . Officials did not specify exactly where the polonium - 210 had been found . Since I watch CSI all the time , I am wondering if there is a fingerprint identification to the polonium . Can the traces which have been found be tracked back to the same contamination that Litvinenko died from ? So if it is the same element , does it have the same exact composition as what was in Litvinenko 's body and can only be made at a particular nuclear plant , say in Russia ? Where is Gil Grissom when I need him to answer my questions ? I am back from a whirlwind trip to Columbus , OH . No snow on the ground here , thankfully ! While I have been trying to catch up on my non - plane reading , I was noticing the Mary Cheney turbulence in the force . Of course the conservatives are going nuts over her and Heather bringing a child who will be loved into this world . I guess this is a case of Heather is one of the two mommies , too . I had some random thoughts about this unfolding story . Like what was Mary Cheney doing being pregnant and going out to hunt with her daddy ? Another errant shot from her daddy and that is the end of the road ! Also , I know this is a very personal decision to make about having a baby . Whether the decision is about adopting , insemination or ending a pregnancy , these are all very personal decisions . So if this baby is going to be raised by two women and has not involved any men except for the initial donation , why are all these gay men talking about it as if they would know more than a lesbian ? Guys , get out of the way and let the women speak ! I will make the same point I made in an earlier post , with all the crap going on in the world , aren 't there more important things to be concerned about than this baby ? Well I am running on Mexican time on this one . Not that I try to be Señora On Time with news . Well here is the next Christmas present , Mary Cheney is pregnant . The baby is due in late spring which means she is well along in the pregnancy , like way before the elections . Hmm , I guess timing is everything . While in Miami I spent a fair amount of time reading Cuba Confidential by Anne Louse Bardach . This book is about the Cuban community in Miami , Elian , of course Castro and all the politics of these intersections . One of the reasons to read the book is because my friend , Jorge , who I was staying with , his brother is the mayor of Miami . His brother was one of Elian 's attorneys . His brother , Manny , was in the house negotiating with the Attorney General 's office when the feds came crashing in the door to get Elian . I got Jorge to drive me over to the house where all this transpired . This is the picture of the house . There is a photo on the right hand side of the palm tree in the middle of the yard . The photo is of Elian 's mother , Lizbeth Broton , who died on the trip over the Florida Straits . Anne Applebaum has a must read column on the Russian poisonings , the current state of the KGB and various details about former KGB agents . She provides this description of the mystery of Russia : In other words : Though we don 't know who killed Litvinenko , we have learned that London is a more exciting place than we thought it was . We have learned that the complex plots of Dostoevsky novels merely reflect Russian reality . And we have learned that the old KGB lives on in new guises . The country that spans 11 time zones , brought us Peter the Great , Catherine the Great , Lenin , Stalin and Putin remains a mystery for those of us who are non - Russians . Amazing what winning an election will get ya . Another of the slew of holiday gifts arrived yesterday , John " The Moustache " Bolton is leaving the UN . Plus the idiot in chief is throwing temper tantrums about Bolton 's exit . The NY Times has some priceless remarks . This is from Bush 's statement : " They chose to obstruct his confirmation , even though he enjoys majority support in the Senate , and even though their tactics will disrupt our diplomatic work at a sensitive and important time , " Mr . Bush said . " This stubborn obstructionism ill serves our country , and discourages men and women of talent from serving their nation . " Uh , mirror over here for the President please . By the way , that majority Senate support doesn 't exist . It 's just another one of your hallucinations . Being the spoiled guys , they still wanted their own way : Mr . Bolton wanted very much to stay at the world body , administration officials said , and Vice President Dick Cheney backed exploration of some way to bypass the Senate . But that course was almost certain to inflame tensions between Congress and the White House , and in the end , Mr . Cheney and Mr . Bolton gave up . Waaaah . See ya later sucka , don 't let a UN resolution hit you on the ass on the way out . Back from Miami . I am delirious from the time change . I can 't think but I am tormented by the thought of poor Lance Bass , that he is single again . Yeah right , like I care . Maybe tomorrow I can string some thoughts together . Or maybe I will just have to put up more Christmas decorations . So I have no job , haven 't had one in over 7 months now . But here I am in Miami at my friends Jorge and Dylan 's house . Thanks to the magic of electronic communication , I have now listened to the Sharks game in Detroit , finally got on to my blog and am up - to - date with my email . And I have a tan , had key lime pie and sat on Miami Beach the last two days . Miami has a special tropical beat to it . There are so many nationalities and cultures here , it just vibrates at a different speed than other places I 've been to . Driving is an adventure . Jorge says you don 't make signal changes because that would give away your strategy . Red lights are just a suggestion . Today was also the 50th anniversary of Castro 's revolution in Cuba . He was not sighted at the military parade celebrating both his birthday and the revolution . Yesterday I was at the beach and was thinking what if Castro is declared dead , how would I know ? Yes , in MIami I had that rocket scientist thought . Like there wouldn 't be a massive explosion from the Cuban emigre community in the streets of Miami . Duh . From the Miami Herald coverage about theThere is more on the Russian poisoning in London . I 'm still following it but , hey I am in Miami and will get back to this on Monday with pics . I live in San Jose with my spouse , 3 dogs and 3 cats . I live for Hockey and am ardent support of the San Jose Sharks and the You Can Play Project . I garden and volunteer at Full Circle Farm in Sunnyvale , Ca .
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I 've gotten a mixed bag of reactions to the ring . Most folks are very happy for me , and more than a few are surprised at the speed Jerry moves { bluuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrr . damn the man 's fast * winks * ~ but he does have a slow hand , too ~ she assures , humming Clapton 's " wonderful tonight " } . As he says , when ya know , ya know . For the most part , I 've been fairly quiet about it . I did write the snippet here a few days ago . I 'd told my mom and a few friends , and oh ! my counselor . But I 've not been walking around with my hand thrust in the air in front of me , or up by my beaming face , declaring to one and all . . . . " LOOK ! SEE ! " In fact , some of my friends don 't even know . One of my friends is extremely pissed at the moment , because I didn 't rush right to her side and gush the entire story in minute detail . But she 's also pissed that I even have Jerry in my life , let alone that he is such a great guy , or that he thinks so much of me . So , either way I 'd go , it 'd be a no - win situation when it concerns her . It 's like , damned if I do , damned if I don 't . I do understand the mixed feelings she may have . On the other hand , I 'd 've hoped that a friend would be predominantly happy for me , cuz that 's part of being a friend . Instead of me trying to figure out which way would be the best way to handle her . She 's also pissed cuz I 'm not making amends . Ya know what ? I 'm thru making amends and apologizing for things that aren 't mine to worry about , let alone regret and cringe over . Saying that I 'm sorry when I truly am , for my own actions , makes sense ; sincere sense . Being sorry because my life is coming together nicely and you feel you 're being left behind in some cosmic balance sheet is not an option for me any longer . It never should have been . dudes , i 've got really good teeth as a whole { a cavity when i was 12 , a root canal when i was 13 , and another cavity when i was 17 } . the root canal was not done very well and neither was the resulting crown some fifteen years later . last night , i bit down and my root canaled / crowned tooth snapped off . no blood . no pain . just a few fragments in my gum and a gaping hole where the crowned tooth post had been . the tooth is / was / is right up front . eeekkk . i went to the dentist today and they did a cast / mold of the uppers so that i can be fitted for a partial plate for that one tooth . it 's the cheapest route . not having any tooth there is not an option . the dentist said that the acrylic partial will hold me til i can get an implant . this afternoon , the dentist removed the remaining fragments and cleaned out my gum area . In two weeks , I 'll return for my acrylic plate . Til then , I look like a dirt poor stoned redneck chipmunk appropriately named " chip " . Shaherazad 's is a small middle - eastern eatery near our local university , here in Starkville . Mississippi State University has its influence on the local flavor , like most places of academe . Shaherazad 's has been here for a few years now , and is fairly popular with the college crowd and locals alike . They offer freshly prepared food for reasonable prices and fair portions . There are vegetarian dishes , sandwiches , pizzas , dinners , salads , soups , and wonderful appetizers . Their desserts are scrumptious , too ! It 's a friendly place , welcoming folks to come in and sit a spell . If the weather is nice , you can sit out at one of the tables in the front , enjoying the atmosphere . There are also small tables behind the place , near a small pool and fountain with plantlife . Very pleasant . Jerry and I have been there a few times over the past few weeks . We 've had their kafta and shawarma , both in pitas and also served over basmati rice . We 've enjoyed their hummus served with tomato wedges , olives , bell pepper slivers , cucumber slices , pepperoncini . I love their mint tea and we sit , eating , chatting , and taking our time , relaxing . It 's a good place to meet your friends , have lunch , or even enjoy some solitude . A taste of the middle - east , tucked around the corner at 612 University Drive in the Big Blue Building , right here in Starkville , Mississippi . { dudes , I almost forgot to mention the hookah ! so as not to violate Starkville 's non - smoking policy , they 'll set ya up outside , with your choice of smoke from the humidor . oh ! and currently , they are offering a lil contest to name the other camel in the back area ; winner gets one dinner for two every month for a year . } I drink lots of tea . I know , I know ; you 're all stunned into silence at such an inane confession . Look at the latest accoutrement in my possession ! Just before Christmas , I was delighted to receive in the mail this lil bird shaped lemon presser from a good friend , who 's from Shanghai . At the time , I thought , ' oh wow , pretty . what the hell is it ? ' I flipped thru the packing and found a tiny note scrawled across the bottom of the back of the card 's envelope . Aha ! " it 's a lemon compressor , " . Hmmm . So I flipped the lever and tipped the bird 's beak in to an imaginary teacup . I finally looked it up on line and saw exactly how I 'm to use it . Which is actually how I did use it about an hour ago ; tipping it forward into my actual teacup and pouring the juice out the bird 's beak . we drove down and had a great time . i got free buffet cuz i signed up for a player 's card . and also a lil casino credit to blow { which i did before the night was thru } and drinks as long as you are playing { or look like you might be playing } . the room was comped and so we had a good evening without needing to spend all that much . yea ! in fact , i left the place a lil bit better off than i 'd started . so jerry 's youngest had a good 21st birthday . her husband had a cool evening . i had a great time , and jerry did too ! but i 'm getting too old to be so sleep - deprived . honestly tho , i did get to bed a lil after midnight . i just didn 't get much sleep , with frequent trips to the ' loo . before we left , jerry pulled me aside and slipped a garnet on my finger . a promise that his heart is mine and that before the year is out , there will be a proposal and i ought to give some thought to an answer . it 's very comfortable , the ring is large enough to fit nicely while not being too large . the setting is tasteful and the stone is cut into a heart with a sterling silver band . very nice , very me . Later this evening , we will be celebrating Jerry 's youngest 's 21st birthday by visiting the casino , Silver Star . Years ago , ya know , back when I was a grad student ; I used to visit Silver Star in order to scarf down crab legs several times per semester . But I never actually visited the floor , ya know , the actual casino ; well , other than to cut thru on my way to the buffet . For some reason , I don 't remember the blinking buzzing bright neon lights and pinging binging zipping zinging sounds that I 'm sure are to be found on the floor with all the slot machines , poker tables , blackjack , and roulette wheels with rattling balls . No , what I remember is the carpet . The loud colorful carpet bloomed in reds , yellows , blues , greens , purples , golds , browns , oranges , teal , silver , and every other shade , tint , and color that you can imagine . Flowers , grasses , squiggles , blooms , dips , birds , rainbows , leaves , tigers , hearts , and just about every organic , fantasy , and cartoon critter danced , lept , and whirled across the floor . I know this is to camoflauge all the wear , tear , scuffs , spills , etc that accumulate on the floor over the years . But all that busy loud carpet would make my eyes hurt . I actually would get nauseous from focusing on that carpet while moving toward the bathroom . I couldn 't not look tho , ya know how that is ? It 's like trying to not stare at cojoined twins , you just can 't not look . It 's odd to me , that the carpet is what I remember . There is so much to look forward to , and yet , that carpet is the thing that I keep returning to . . . I wonder , is it the same ? I 'd be thinking about the room we 'll be staying in , and I 'd wonder if the carpeting there is the same as down on the casino floor . I 'd be thinking about the fun wonderful excitement of seeing and being with Jerry and his daughter and her husband , and that damn carpet is there , just beneath my booted feet . I 've decided , that I will gawk at the carpet first . Just to get it out of the way . So that I can enjoy the rest of the experience . Yea ! I 'm gonna go to a casino ! ~ ~ I had a great weekend with Jerry . In short , we babysat his four month old grandson Friday night and Saturday morning . He 's such a sweet baby and nobody grins quite the way he does ; his entire body wiggles and his entire face squishes into the biggest droolest grin evah ! It 's like a special lil reward he gives for you making the oddest fool of yourself for his amusement . Today , Jerry made a turkey with the trimmings and I stuffed myself . My sense of time warped and it felt like Thanksgiving or Christmas or them both all rolled into one . Like a Thanksmas . Yeah , that works . Heppy Thanksmas ! ! I just got home and started to sift and sort thru my eMails and things and guess what ! No , I didn 't win an entire year 's worth of the amazing all herbal supplements to make my penis larger and more fulfilling . You people , such kidders . Nope . Something even more amazing and fulfilling than that ! Kathy gave me a friendship award and wrote me up in her blog as being charming ! and witty ! and friendly ! oh ! my ! And she made this , with the note that the mispelling makes it charming , dammit { and write she is , snicker , wright she is } : Glad yer my frien , Kathy ! ! This afternoon , Jerry and I did something most teenagers do in secret , then giggle and snicker over . I joined him while he babysat his newest grandson { just turned two weeks old } . Bet that wasn 't what you were thinking , now was it ? I don 't believe I 've evah held a lil one that lil . I held him the entire time and it was so kewl . The lil guy was working hard to open his eyes and stttttrrrrreeeeeetttttched lots . He squiggled and wiggled and yawned and made faces that I mimicked . Yes , I became a drooling idiot . It looks cute when a baby does it , but not so when a grown woman does . There was one thing that kept puzzling me . The kid has accordian arms . They have extra creases like he was all folded up in there , and when he came out , his arms just sprung right out and hang down to his knees . I kept picking up his hands and extending his arms , and asking Jerry { cuz he 's had five kids and six grandkids so far } , " dude , do all babies have arms this long ? " Jerry smiled at me and reassured me , " he 'll be about 5 ' 7 " and able to dunk while flatfooted on the floor . " I hadda share , I just hadda . Mole FamilyA papa mole , a mama mole , and a baby mole all live together in a little mole hole . One day , papa mole sticks his head out of the hole , sniffs the air and said , " Yum ! I smell maple syrup ! " The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole , sniffs the air and said , " Oh , Yum ! I smell honey ! " Now baby mole is trying to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air , but can 't because the bigger moles are in the way . This makes him whine , " Geez , all I can smell is . . . MOLASSES ! " The only channel I get is FOX { cringe , i know , i know , sorry } and being Fox , they did not pre - empt the regular programming of court tv { he done me wrong } with some Maury Povich { he is not the daddy } thrown into the mix { high octane stuff there , big roll of the eyes } in order to bring the inauguration to the locals . Since I have dialup , watching any sort of livefeed , streamfeed , or what not becomes extremely difficult . SO , tomorrow , when I visit my local public library , I will attempt to see what I can see . In the meantime , I thought I 'd do my bit to salute the new guy in office . We 're all expecting big things of you . Hopefully , we will hold ourselves just as accountable . That 's as it should be So , now I 'm comfortably snuggled inside layers of warm soft cuddle duds and am very glad that I decided not to venture out in this frigid world today . Tomorrow is soon enough to drop Ziggee 's collar , sweater , and things for the Animal Shelter / Humane Society . I 'll scoot past there , stop by the public library to chat with the Ladies there for a few , and Jerry will meet me there after he leaves work { also a library , for MSU } . That way , he gets to meet some of my friends . Yea ! ! Oh where to start ? Friday , I 'd spoken with Jerry and then ran some errands and talked with a few friends and got home and took a shower and called a few other folks and then , talked with some other folks and then realized that it was midnight and I 'd been all happy and stuff , but the very person that I was thrilled with and about was the one person I hadn 't called ! So I sent him an eMail , knowing that Jerry 'd probably not get it til today , cuz his home computer is on the fritz . But ! Saturday morning , he went in to his place of work to get some other stuff and checked his eMail and got my message . So , yea ! ! ! We got together , and I wrote about Saturday 's stuff in the last entry . Sunday , Jerry came over , and watched the first playoff game here and then we went over to his place and watched the second one . We spent the evening after the game talking about lots of stuff , and getting lots clearer about things , and closer in general . Neither one of us are thrilled about this past week 's confusion , but we are both glad that it did happen when it did and that it is over . For me , it allowed me to settle a few things in my mind that I didn 't know needed settling . And Jerry 'd pointed out that it made us lots closer , stronger . I agree , because there is no hesitation . Monday , Jerry had the day off work , so after lunch , we went to see his newest grandbaby and visit with his son and daughter - in - law and they also had a new litter of puppies to see . The baby is just now two weeks old , and he opened his eyes a few times , but was mostly wanting to slumber away some more . Sunday , I took Shaddow with me to Jerry 's to meet his two doggies and Monday , we brought Pearl and Harley over here to my place . Everyone gets along with everyone else . But it was kinda funny , when Jerry left last night , Harley ( the male whippet / chihuahua blend ) made the other two farm dogs stand down . Ellie Mae and Puppy Klutz are my landlord 's dogs who spend most of their time just outside the fence waiting to see if Shaddow will come out and play . I 'm not sure where Bei ~ ~ Jerry came over to watch the first playoff on FOX { cuz that 's the only channel I get , cringe , sorry } and then we 'll go over to his place to watch the second game . Friday , we 'd made arrangements to go over to Jacki 's to watch the playoffs today ; but she wasn 't feeling so good , so we 'll get together some other time . Last night , after Jerry and I went to Sheharazad 's for dinner done right { very nice , muuUUUuuuch better than Wed , shudder , sorry } ; we went downtown and walked around , he showed me where what was when he wsa growing up here { this was the library , that used to be the grocery store , oh ! and the five and dime was there } . Then we went to another friend 's house and had coffee and cake { ok , that was me , i had the deep dark rich chocolate cake that made my toes curl and my mouth have a party } . After all that , we came back to my place and I showed him some pictures of me in years gone by and we watched some music videos from the 80s . Then I got the shakes , from the caffiene and sugar ; I really gotta work on that , cuz I know that is more than likely gonna happen and you 'd think I 'd tone it down . And usually I do . And then I splurge , instead of all things in moderation . I think too it was a bit of a crash cuz this past week has been so out of kilter for me . Jerry headed home , and I headed to slumberland and woke feeling fine . Til I started to get many calls and messages and that peaked my anxiety again . I 'm on top of it , but I am not interacting with Scott for several reasons , one cuz it 'd only be trouble . Two , cuz he says he doesn 't understand , and that is a manipulative invitation to interact and dude , I 've already told him a number of times what the reasons were / are , if he doesn 't get it by now , he won 't evah get it . Besides which , it 's not my responsibility to keep explaining it for him . I 'd like for him to get it , but I doubt he will . So there that is . I 've already spent way too much time , effort , energy , worry , anxiety , etc on him and his issues . I won 't be continuing . Just a reassurance that my fickle fits are ~ ~ ahem , folks , I 'm a bit shamed - faced over my behavior over this last week { what the hell was I thinking } ; and I am blessed to have so many friends who thought , ' dude this is wrong , but if it 's what she wants , it 's what she wants and she 's got my support ' . i 'm truly scott - free . finally . i need to reconcile this aspect of myself that i didn 't know existed ; that i could depart so radically from my senses as to even entertain a possible future with a man whose history has included inflicting awful blinding pain on the one he says is / was / is the love of his life , his gift . i bought into it , again . and it didn 't take long at all for his true colors to shine thru all the glitz and glamor { in oh so many ways } . i also listened to my self . i noticed that even in that short period of time , i didn 't smile , laugh , feel safe and secure and eager and happy and sweet . i grew troubled , anxious , timid , alarmed , and doubtful . i admitted that , dude , soooOOOooo not good . so , last night , after hearing , ' i hate you , bitch ' and many other things that i didn 't deserve and none of the things that i did deserve { and that scott pledged only a few days before to continue } ; i decided , ' enough is enough , and this is way tooooo much ' . i think i would have had the niggling thought , the ' what - if ' reserve , always in the back of my mind . so i am glad that i did this , cuz now i know , really know . in my bones . and now i can let that go and move boldly forth with complete confidence . so i told scott not to call me , eMail , stop by , or contact me in any other way . i 've not responded to any of his frantic renewed efforts past this edict . and i felt freer . relieved . able to breathe , able to rest , able to restore my peace of mind . i will not do anything like this ever again . once was more than enough . i 've spoken with jerry , and a few others { including my counselor } ; and all day i noticed that i was smiling , singing , laughing , and more at ease . so now , fresh from a much needed shower { first in three days } , i thought i 'd eat the crow with relish . thanks for being so sup ~ ~ d . d . d . d . d . d . dude { chattering teeth } , it 's fifteen ( that 's 15 ) friggen degrees . in mississippi . damn , that 's cold . no matter where , that 's cold . but in mississippi ? d . d . d . d . d . d . d . d . d . d . damn . that . iz . kaltso i 'm sitting here , with two pair of socks on ; fleece jammie bottoms { thanks mom ! } ; a turtleneck , a thermal shirt , a thick heavy sweater over that , two scarves { cuz i made em , and damn , dude , it 's cold } , the top of the fleece jammies { thanks again , mom ! } ; a thick furry double brimmed hat ; with a blanket wrapped round my legs . got the propane heater on , the electric space heater { industrial shop strength , yer welkomm very much 4 - County Electric , now youse can build on that extra admin wing } , and back in the bathroom , my other lil electric space heater is circulating the frigid air over the pipes . that 's essential , cuz a few years back , my hot water froze . shit you not , it did . cold water tap worked just fine , hot water tap froze solid . d . d . d . d . d . dude , d . d . d . d . d . damn , but that 's fucked up . shaddow was whispering to me , but i couldn 't here thru all the fuzzy layers of yarn over my ears . yes , she 's a whispering dog . i also meditate to her snores . very peaceful . very rhythmic . very zen . Having done something that so clearly defies stated logic , I am at a loss for adequate words . These past few days have been difficult at best , as I debated a future with my ' ex - ' guy and taking all aspects into account . The five years we did have together were good on many counts , not so good on others , and a few really ugly spots . That 's so with any relationship . The betrayal and discovery of such last July , tore me apart in ways that I didn 't know possible . Thru the fall , I 'd realized several things that I knew I 'd not go back to . I will not go back , but move forward . I 'm including the man you know as " my guy " . The past several days , I 've thought about how horrible I am to even consider a possible future without this new person { mr date - dude / my honey } in my life . He 's been so caring , sharing , open , wonderfully amazing , understanding , and oh just so many other attributes , characteristics , and great awesome ways of being that it is that much more difficult to arrive at the decision I did yesterday afternoon . Even his way of caring for the best for me , even after I dashed him against the rocks . He 's so integrated me into his life , and so many wonderful people have thought wonderful things about me . Too wonderful , considering what I 've done . This man deserves so much more and we had such a wonderful past month that yesterday evening was one of the most difficult for me . See , I decided to go with the man who ripped me asunder last summer . The man you all know as my guy in these pages of the last five years . It was a heavy decision , not made lightly . I weighed all aspects , and made a decision that defies logic . I understand if you are disappointed , even feeling betrayed . How could I do this , knowing how devastated I was in so many ways , not the least of which was the shredding of my peace of mind . How could I ? I did . I am . I will continue . This afternoon , I 'd stopped by my flpl and had a nice natter . Then I settled myself into an armchair upholstered appropriately with a heavy canvas printed with books scattered and falling thru the ether . Niiiiice . Whilst there , my lil ' st friend hurtled her silly self into my waiting arms and snuggled down with me for a few minutes { that 's our routine , it makes both of us more pleasant , restores the smiles to our voices } . Then she popped up and fingered my soft wide thick pink ' n ' cream scarf . She covered herself with it , and then announced to my chest that I was to be her pillow . I agreed , and added that she would be my blanket . Then we slumbered in heavy deadened slackness , to the delight of the folks behind us using the computers . She perked her head up and scolded me , " mizz debRAHHHHHH , you snore ! " I agreed , explaining that all old people snore . She shook her head rather adamantly , assuring me that I have no wrinkles . Except there { she pointed a lil finger at my forehead } , oh and there { pointing at my neck } , and right there { pointing at my wrist } . Before she could continue pointing out my non - existing excepted wrinkles { also to the delight of the folks behind us using the computers } , I told her that I have wrinkles on my wrist cuz I bend it { demonstrating by nodding my hand at her } . She gaped at her wrist , exclaiming , " hey look ! I have wrinkles too ! " " Yep , " I said , " you do ; cuz you gotta joint . " { by now the folks behind us were convulsing in snickers , chortles , and hoots ; no longer using the computers } " A joint , " she gasped in awe , staring at her wrist in wonder . " I have a joint , " she somberly said . I gave her a moment or two to soak that in . Then she urged , " where else , mizz debRAHHHH , where else ? " So , I showed her joints in her fingers { wriggling my own } and in her wrist { flapping my hand around } , AND in her elbow . By then she was getting the idea , and chorused with me , " shoulders ! and my other arm ! and my head ! AND my legs and oooooooooooohhhh my TOES ! ! ! " All the while wriggling about in my lap and positively cro ~ ~ dudes , i 've never watched the beatles 's yellow submarine before last night , and i was just about snickering myself into hacking up a lung over some of the witticisms tossed about . among them was this gem : i warned you not to eat on an empty stomach . i 've written of the jammies that jacki got me for christmas awhile back , and even took a blurry pic for ya to see that they were light pink hearts arranged like flowers on a darker pink cotton . well , memom also gave me jammies for christmas . these are a pale blue with darker blue and pale greenish blue stars and moons . i just need some jammies with shamrocks , and i 'd be a lucky charm . * wink * I belong to an online service that allows me to list all books I 've read , would like to , favorite books , and such . It 's called ShelFari and you can see the linkee on the left . One of the groups with ShelFari ran a Secret Santa exchange . I loved picking the titles to send and I loved the titles I received ; it was so much fun ! Well , there is a lovely lady named DollyMama who also signed up for the Secret Santa . She sent her books to her person and they just loved them too ; but unfortunately , the woman who was to be DollyMama 's Secret Santa did not follow thru with her titles . DollyMama has been extremely patient and very understanding . So I remembered how much fun I had picking the titles and bundling the books and sending them off in the mail , imagining the joy of the recipient , that I decided to send some to DollyMama . It 's too late to be Secret Santa , so I decided to be Secret Sillee Mee { shhhhhhhh , our secret * wink * } . Oh , joyous giddy gigggles ! Yea ! Yea for me ! Yea ! I 'm going to MoonDance 2009 with my honey , at the end of May , over there in Georgia . It 's a five day event , jam - packed full of friends , camping , laughter , fires , drumming , circles , and such . For years , I 've been wanting to go , and this year , I 'm gonna ! * grins * spins * It 's been a bit chilly , and I see the forecast is calling for a series of cold nights . So I 've got my hat on , see ? My nose isn 't orange , like it is in this pic , but my cheeks are just as chubby . So here I am , staying warm , and chubby ; savoring the snuggles . * ahhhhhhhmmmmmahhhh * Nope , the baby hasn 't made his appearance yet ; but here is a warm hat for him that I made today . I decided not to get out in this rain today . But tomorrow , I gotta . I have a couple appts and also have some errands to run , bills to pay , meds to buy , people to see , things to do , places to go . . . ya know how I do , eh ? grins Yesterday , I started this octagonal baby blanket / mat . And I just finished it now . Yea ! ! It 's for a baby boy that was due yesterday but hasn 't made an appearance yet . I 'm sure in the next day or so , one way or another , that kid 's coming out ! The mama is plenty tired of toting him around in that manner . These blankets are a nice size and shape for some parents who spread them out on the floor and use them more as a mat than a blanket . They are perfect for that baby who is just getting to the push - up stage , but not yet to the scooting - away mobile state . right . k , now i 'm really gonna call it a night . " night ! " I sound like Darth Vader committing a crank call . Like I 'm in an invisible oxygen tent with all sorts of gizmos pumping and whoooshing air in and out of an iron lung . I feel like I 've an iron lung , right beneath my rib cage , pressing heavily into tender essential organs like hearts and stuff , ya know ? Is it really the middle of the first week of the new year ? Damn . sigh . How 'd that happen ? Why do I already feel so far behind ? Well , tomorrow will dawn well before I climb outta bed . Then , I simply must get myself to the doc to get this cruddy congested cough cleared up . And get all my meds ( tis that time of the month , bills , bills , bills , meds , and bills ) . And , ya know , do the rest of my errands and pay rent and stuff like electricity . Ooh , yeah , and my car 's inspection is due this month . Which I 'm dreading , cuz I just know that my car is gonna require some other major dramatic visit and stay with the fix - it dudes . I 've been crocheting my lil silly self into all sorts of baby finger tight loops and stitches . I don 't like big lacey things , and most especially not for lil babies , cuz they got lil fingers and toes that snag into those lil holes that stitches in yarn can leave . So , I always crochet a nice tight intricate stitch so that Baby 's fingers won 't get snarled and twisted and all that . Blankies are dangerous traps . nodding solemnly . So , tomorrow , in the daylight , I 'll take a pic and post it . Ya know , if ' n I get myself to the doc and back in good time with good breathing capacity . Crappy hacking crud . nasty stuff . she mutters , just nasty ass crappy crud . sigh . { hack * hack * hack } hooooooooooooooooonnnnk Yesterday , my throat began to get that sore swollen feeling { yuck } so I guzzled vast quantities of hot tea . Mr Date - Dude took me to a movie , and then we went to eat . We enjoyed the evening , but I was flagging fast . He brought me back home , where I made even more tea . I would have gargled it , but some things are a bit too gross for company , ya know ? Very considerately , he took an early exit because I was all but slumped over the kitchen table , drooling and snuffling into my shirt 's cuffs . Shortly there after , I took a hot shower , climbed into my new fuzzy star ' n ' moon jammies and tucked myself into bed . I feel lots better . That 's good , cuz one of Mr . Date - Dude 's daughter 's and her man are making dinner for the four of us tonight and I don 't wanna punk out on that . Esp since the daughter and her man are living ten hours away and who knows when we might see each other again ; they leave tomorrow . This holiday season has seemed to last and that 's been good , except now I 'm tuckered out and ready for some restive snuggling wrapped in my cozy comfy covers like a burrito with hair sticking out the top as my head just barely clears the folds . Gotta keep the nose in the clear , it 's like my snorkel , and as long as it 's in the air , I get to breathe . And that 's good . Happiest of newest years to you and yours ! There 'd been a change in plans due to one friend 's illness and so we were going to change the venue to my place . But there was another change and Mr . Date - Dude picked me up and took me to his place where I baked cookies , enjoying doctored eggnog and hot tea { not together , cuz ewwww gross } and visited with a vast assortment of peoples . I always think that a small number of children is actually way more than it is . It 's cuz they zip around and babble so much , and I gave them hyper lil buggers more sugar and caffeine cuz I 'm evil and I don 't have to stay awake while they tear the house apart . { muwahhhahahahhaa } The Baby was more my speed , tho it was good that I wore many layers cuz after a few spit - ups and liquid burps , I had to go change . Oh that white wet stuff ? Yeah , not whatcha thinkin ' . Cuz dude , I wasn 't that much fun tonight . In fact , once the new year was rung in , I pooped out . I was gonna prop myself in the corner with the dogs and the exhausted kid and crash , but Mr . Date - Dude braved the roads and drove me home . So I could sleep in my comfy bed , snuggled under my comfy covers , while shaddow snores peacefully on the rug in front of the space heater turned on high . Cuz baby , it 's cold outside ! " Don 't go around saying the world owes you a living . The world owes you nothing . It was here first . " " Humor is the great thing , the saving thing . The minute it crops up , all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place . "
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Holy smells , Batman ! Who let the skunk into the house ? ! ? Grab your aerosol can , gas masks and whatever else it may take and step into our world . Our morning started very early with the sounds of urpa - burpa 's . What 's an urpa - burpa you ask ? That 's the sound that is made right before Tuck explodes out whatever was in his belly that he shouldn 't have eaten . Our mom shot out of bed at the sound of the first urpa , grabbed Tuck and ran to the sliding door onto the deck . Too late . Tuck spewed something bluish - green onto the floor . The fun didn 't end there . Throughout the morning , he urpa - burpa 'd three more times . Geesh ! How much gunk can one Pekingese have in his belly ? ( We forgot how often Tuck is camped out by the food bowl . He 's a big eater ! ) Apparently , the urpa 's were the calm before the storm because then came the stench ! These are not your ordinary little dog farts - these are big boy , clear - the - room farts ! How can such a little dog produce these tear - inducing , cover - your - nose , turn - the - fan - on farts ? The scariest part of all of this is that he is happy . Tuck is acting like Tuck - running around like a ninny , playing and having fun . Apparently , getting the unidentifiable blue / green urpa - burpa out of his belly was all it took to put him back on the track to crazytown where he loves to reside . The rest of us are left here to suffer . Thanks Tuck - we owe you one ! Everyone - one of our favorite magazines is having a photo contest ( lots of different categories ) and we want all of our friends to participate ! Tails Pet Magazine is looking for a few good dogs , one of which will grace the cover of their May issue . One submission per category allowed . Check out the link below and send in your pics ! Tails Pet Magazine Photo Contest Tinkerbell here . Let me start by apologizing for making a later than normal post today . We have so much going on in our world right now . We live in the midwest ( Ohio to be exact ) and have been hit with a 3 - punch winter storm that began on Tuesday . We got a bunch of snow . Then we had an ice storm . Then we got a bunch of snow again . It 's really pretty outside to look at but poor Oscar keeps getting buried because it is deeper than he is tall . He has become a deck pooper and pee - er . Tuck and I think it 's great ! We run around burying our nose in the snow . It was a little hard to go to the potty when the ice storm hit though . Our kids have been home from school since Tuesday . The oldest has a major case of cabin fever going on . Remember , she 's 15 , in high school , and said something about dieing if she doesn 't go back to school tomorrow and see all her friends . Thank goodness for this thing called Facebook . It seems to be the only bright spot ( besides us , of course ) in her life . She has decided that her 5 year old sister is a necessary evil . We think she 's great . She plays with us a lot and gives us tons of hugs . Our mom had to brave the outside and deal with the idiots out there . . . those are her words , not ours . We don 't even know what an idiot is . . . to get to work yesterday only to be sent home early because of the conditions outside . We are super happy because we like it when our family is around all the time . We 've taken a bunch of pictures and will post them later . First , we have other business to take care of . A special thank - you goes out to our two favorite basset hounds Martha and Bailey . We think they are really neat and would love to go on adventures with them . They even have a fun car to ride in that is named after them . Too cool ! Anyway , they sent us a lovely award . The award represents the blogs that truly love someone or something . It 's a ladybug and they are known for giving us luck whenever we see one . The ladybug reminds us of warmer weather to come and we think we are truly , three lucky dogs . We like comments This video has been making its rounds but we wanted to post it for all our friends who are not dog bloggers . We thought they would enjoy seeing it also . What a great friendship these two unlikely characters have forged . We feel inspired and want to run wild with the elephants ! Sometimes we sound like a herd of elephants when we run around the house . We don 't think our dad wants elephants in the back yard though . Bummer ! Enjoy the video ! PET ' S TEN COMMANDMENTS . . . . . . . . . 1 . My life is likely to last 10 - 15 years . Any separation from you is likely to be painful . 2 . Give me time to understand what you want of me . 3 . Place your trust in me . It is crucial for my well - being . 4 . Don 't be angry with me for long and don 't lock me up as punishment . You have your work , your friends , your entertainment , but I have only you . 5 . Talk to me . Even if I don 't understand your words , I do understand your voice when speaking to me . 6 . Be aware that however you treat me , I will never forget it . 7 . Before you hit me , before you strike me , remember that I could hurt you , and yet , I choose not to bite you . 8 . Before you scold me for being lazy or uncooperative , ask yourself if something might be bothering me . Perhaps I 'm not getting the right food , I have been in the sun too long , or my heart might be getting old or weak . 9 . Please take care of me when I grow old . You too , will grow old . 10 . On the ultimate difficult journey , go with me pl ease . Never say you can 't bear to watch . Don 't make me face this alone . Everything is easier for me if you are there , because I love you so . Take a moment today to thank God for your pets . Enjoy and take good care of them . Life would be a much duller , less joyful experience without God 's critters Today is Lucky Friday - a day when we like to reflect back on the week we 've had a be thankful for how lucky we are . We decided that we are lucky because we get lots of snuggle time . Tuck and I are always big snugglers . We love a good lap to sit in . Mom 's is the best ! We think our mom is rather groovy which is why we follow her EVERYWHERE . She makes wonderful treats too ! Tinkerbell is usually content with sleeping in her big comfy bed ( that Mom made for her ) . Last night , Tink decided that she needed a little more snuggle time than usual and Mom was happy to oblige . She looked kinda funny trying to fit in mom 's lap . Mom told her it was a special occasion ( whatever that means ) and told her she was okay to sit on her lap but only until she lost feeling in her toes and then she would have to lay on her bed again . We are so lucky to have special people in our lives who snuggle with us . I had a happy birthday on Tuesday . Thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday . It was a pleasure to share the day with the historical event my parents called " Inauguration Day " . Not quite sure what that means but there was a ton of whoopla on the t . v . No dogs though . What 's up with that ? ! ? Mom got me a new toy for my birthday . Even though I am a de - stuffer and make it my mission to get every squeaker out of every toy , she thought it was really cute and loved the noise it made . I was so happy I carried it around but the boys wouldn 't leave me alone ! They followed me everywhere wanting to play tug - of - war with it ! Good thing I am a good sharer . My new toy makes me happy . Hugs and kisses to my mom ! - Tinkerbell We received another funny email that we just had to share : Adam and Eve said , ' Lord , when we were in the garden , you walked with us every day . Now we do not see you anymore . We are lonesome here , and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us . ' And God said , ' I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflectionof my love for you , so that you will love me even when you cannot see me . Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be , this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do , in spite of yourselves . ' And God created a new animal to be a companionfor Adam and Eve . And it was a good animal . And God was pleased . And the new animal was pleased to be withAdam and Eve and he wagged his tail . And Adam said , ' Lord , I have already named all the animals in the Kingdomand I cannot think of a name for this new animal . ' And God said , ' I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you , his name will be a reflection of my own name , and you will call him " DOG " . And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them . And they were comforted . And God was pleased . And Dog was content and wagged his tail . After a while , it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said , ' Lord , Adam and Eve have become filled with pride . They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they areworthy of adoration . Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved , but perhaps too well . ' And God said , I will create for them a companionwho will be with them and who will see them as they are . The companion will remind them of their limitations , so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration . And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve . And Cat would not obey them . And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat 's eyes , they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings . And Adam and Eve learned humility . And they were greatly improved . And God was pleased . . . . . . . And Dog was happy . . . . . And Cat didn 't care one way or other . 6 Wow ! We just received our first award from a fellow blogger ! Thanks go out to Nigel , Sola & Co . for tagging us . We feel extra warm and fuzzy inside now ( which we really need today since the temperature is 6º F outside - got a little bit of an arctic blast going on ) We are tagging some of our favorite friends . Enjoy their blogs . We think they are pretty cool ! Mango 's Great AdventuresEduardo the Snuggle PuggleLois Lane - Adventures of a Super PupThe Brat PackPei in the LifeNoah 's BarkBoxer Dog Blog - What 's Cooking with ChefRaiding AddieThe fine print : Here 's the Friend Bloggy Award Scoop : These blogs are exceedingly charming . These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends . They are not interested in self - aggrandizement . Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut , even more friendships are propagated . Please give more attention to these writers . Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly - written text and pic into the body of their award . Our boy Tuck is simply fearless ! ( laugh ! laugh ! snort ! snort ! ) He has absolutely no fear of the vacuum cleaner . In fact , it bothers him so little that even while Mom was trying to vacuum around him , he continued to chew on his bone . He showed that mean ' ol vacuum cleaner who was boss ! ( Now , if he would just quit running from the wild rabbits out in the back yard . They scare him to pieces when they decide to dart out from under the deck ) CAPTAIN FEARLESS ! In our house we have what we like to refer to as an " open door policy " . Basically that means that our family is not allowed to shut a door because we will sit outside and scratch and whine until they open the shut door . We really don 't like when they close themselves in the room they like to refer to as the bathroom ( among other names ) . Oscar has resorted to howling when our mom thinks she can take a shower without his help . All we want to do is watch our people in the shower , see what bath toys have been left lying around that we can chew on and pick tissues out of the wastebasket . Last night , our little girl took her nightly bath . We were right there with her and our big girl took the pictures to prove it ! Our aunt gave us some new toys . Yeah ! What fun ! There were three of them , one for each of us . The toys are long animals ( rabbit , fox and raccoon ) without any stuffing in them . They have a squeaker at each end which we quickly killed . We were so excited about our new toys thatwe quickly tore the face off of that nasty rabbit . If we can 't catch them in our backyard , we can certainlybring the pain in our home . Look at Tink stalking them and then pouncing ! They are even great for tug - of - war . . . one of our favorites ! We love our new toys - thanks Aunt Missy ! We got an email this morning from our aunt that we thought was pretty funny and had to share ! Life really boils down to 2 questions . . . 1 . Should I get a dog . . . ? - OR - 2 . Should I have children ? We vote for # 1 . There 's nothing wrong with that couch . It just looks like a little redecorating was done to make it a tad more comfortable . You may have noticed that our family likes to dress us up a lot . They are always putting clothes , hats , sunglasses , etc . on us and taking pictures like crazy . We 're not sure but we think they are making fun of us . We 've posted a picture before of our kids but let 's remind everyone of our family dynamics : One of our kids is a 15 year old girl and another kid is a 5 year old girl . That means that the oldest girl is always taking pictures of herself and a lot of times we are included in them and the youngest girl is always dressing us up and letting the oldest girl take pictures . We also have a 10 year old boy whom we love to wrestle with ! For Christmas , our 5 year old girl got a tutu and princess attire . After dressing up , prancing around the house swirling and twirling and granting everyones wishes , she decided to dress Tink up too . Luckily , the 15 year old was right there with her camera to document it all . Alas , Princess Tinkerbell ! ( Compliments of 5 year old Keegan and 15 year old Katie ) A face only a mother could love ! It seems like every day Tucker 's underbite becomes more prominent . The vet feels that he is doing well with eating , etc . so there is no need for concern . We have to agree with the vet . Tuck is always camped out by the food bowl . He loves to eat and never misses a meal . Eating , playing tug - o - war , barking and growling are no problem for him . Tucker has recently discovered the hair dryer . The boys are always worried about mom so they follow her everywhere . Some times I hear her tell them to go and find something else to do besides constantly being under her feet . Poor mom cannot even go to the bathroom without the boys wanting to be in there with her . Oscar sits by the door and whines ! That 's how Tucker discovered the hair dryer . Mom decided that if he wanted to be in the bathroom with her , then he would have to deal with the hair dryer . She turned it on , took aim and fired ! Shot the air right into Tuck 's face and guess what ? He loved it ! Mom had gut giggles laughing at Tuck 's reaction to it . If you have ever seen the kids movie , " The Neverending Story " then you can imagine that Tuck looked like the dog / dragon when he flew in the movie . He lifted his head up and felt the breeze whipping through his hair , blowing his ears back . Oscar ran and hid under the bed ! Tucker never ceases to amaze us . He keeps us entertained with his antics every day . Our little Ewok is definitely a good addition to the family . CINCINNATI , OHIO ( Not the best of pictures but we took it so we 're gonna use it ) Our Mom took this picture the other night from atop a hill in Northern Kentucky looking over the Ohio river into downtown Cincinnati . Although it is blurry , we think the lights are pretty . It was very cloudy and cold that night so the lights are reflecting on the low clouds . Our mom has an appreciation for this picture . She grew up about 25 miles north of Cincinnati but attended college in Florida ( Go South Florida Bulls ! ! ! ) Every time she would drive back from school , this is the site she really looked forward to seeing . Anyone who has ever driven on I - 75 through Cincinnati has seen this before . Right before you get to Ohio there is a portion of Northern KY called " the cut of the hill " . I - 75 curves through the hillsides until eventually you round a curve and everything opens up to reveal Cincinnati in front of you . The sight always took my moms breath away and she would always breathe a giant sign of relief knowing she was home . This picture does not do the view justice . Let us know if you have ever driven through Cincinnati . It is very beautiful at night all lit up . We took a trip to the dog park this Saturday . Loaded three dogs , three kids and our mom and dad into the SUV and headed out in the frigid cold to play with some new friends . We are pretty lucky that there is a really nice dog park a few miles from our home . There are 3 different fenced in areas for us to play in . The stress of getting us there is well worth it when Tinker has the opportunity to run and run and run ! She is that type of dog that always has to be on a leash because she is a runner . If she gets outside without a leash on , she will look back with a crazy look in her eyes like " HA HA HA ! CATCH MY DUST ! " and off she runs . It 's always an ordeal to get the leash back on her and to get her back home . If left alone , she will come back home when she feels she is ready but my mom is afraid she may get hit by a car so they always go on a Tink Hunt to bring her back home . Days like Saturday she lives for ! She made a lot of new friends and ran until she couldn 't run anymore . It 's always nice to see the smile on her face when she knows we are heading to the dog park . We have no pictures to show how much fun we had . In all the commotion , the camera was left sitting on the kitchen table . We had so much fun though ! Oscar was the littlest guy there and he looked rather handsome in his daisy sweater . We were very proud of him when a bigger dog was trying to be Alpha to Tink . Oscar barked at him and then ran and hid behind Mom 's legs . At least he tried to be courageous ! Tink is his girl ! Tucker spent most of the time just running around sniffing everything . He loves to chase and be chased . By the time we left , the fenced in area that we were in had about 15 dogs to play with . Nice turn out for such a cold day . Once we got home , we spent the day sleeping . Tink even had a smile on her face while she dozed the day away on her bed . We are looking forward to our next trip to the dog park . Hope it will be soon ! Today is Lucky Friday , a day when we reflect on how and why we are three very lucky dogs . There 's been lots of buzz this week amongst all our dog friends on the net regarding shoes / booties for outdoor wear in the snow . We don 't need to worry about that because we all refuse to be outside in the cold for very long . Our mom keeps the fur on Tucks feet trimmed so that he does not get snow balls stuck in between the pads . She also makes sure Oscar is wearing a sweater ( he loves his gray manly - man sweater with the daisy on it . It 's on his back so he doesn 't know any better ! ) I don 't like to wear coats but that doesn 't stop me from romping around in the snow . So , why are we lucky dogs ? We 're lucky because we have a great place to live and wonderful people to take care of us and because of that , we don 't have to spend a lot of time outside in the snow . We can play for a while but have the luxury of returning back inside to our comfy beds and blankets in the living room amongst all the daily chaos in our home . We are warm , happy , and healthy . What more could three dogs ask for ? Now , cue the music . . . Oh , the weather outside is frightful , but the fires so delightful . And since we 've no place to go . . . Let it snow , let it snow , let it snow ! Happy New Year - Tink 5 A little too much festivities last night . We 're pooped ! It 's not often you find the three of us close enough together to be in the same picture . 0
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Holy smells , Batman ! Who let the skunk into the house ? ! ? Grab your aerosol can , gas masks and whatever else it may take and step into our world . Our morning started very early with the sounds of urpa - burpa 's . What 's an urpa - burpa you ask ? That 's the sound that is made right before Tuck explodes out whatever was in his belly that he shouldn 't have eaten . Our mom shot out of bed at the sound of the first urpa , grabbed Tuck and ran to the sliding door onto the deck . Too late . Tuck spewed something bluish - green onto the floor . The fun didn 't end there . Throughout the morning , he urpa - burpa 'd three more times . Geesh ! How much gunk can one Pekingese have in his belly ? ( We forgot how often Tuck is camped out by the food bowl . He 's a big eater ! ) Apparently , the urpa 's were the calm before the storm because then came the stench ! These are not your ordinary little dog farts - these are big boy , clear - the - room farts ! How can such a little dog produce these tear - inducing , cover - your - nose , turn - the - fan - on farts ? The scariest part of all of this is that he is happy . Tuck is acting like Tuck - running around like a ninny , playing and having fun . Apparently , getting the unidentifiable blue / green urpa - burpa out of his belly was all it took to put him back on the track to crazytown where he loves to reside . The rest of us are left here to suffer . Thanks Tuck - we owe you one ! Everyone - one of our favorite magazines is having a photo contest ( lots of different categories ) and we want all of our friends to participate ! Tails Pet Magazine is looking for a few good dogs , one of which will grace the cover of their May issue . One submission per category allowed . Check out the link below and send in your pics ! Tails Pet Magazine Photo Contest Tinkerbell here . Let me start by apologizing for making a later than normal post today . We have so much going on in our world right now . We live in the midwest ( Ohio to be exact ) and have been hit with a 3 - punch winter storm that began on Tuesday . We got a bunch of snow . Then we had an ice storm . Then we got a bunch of snow again . It 's really pretty outside to look at but poor Oscar keeps getting buried because it is deeper than he is tall . He has become a deck pooper and pee - er . Tuck and I think it 's great ! We run around burying our nose in the snow . It was a little hard to go to the potty when the ice storm hit though . Our kids have been home from school since Tuesday . The oldest has a major case of cabin fever going on . Remember , she 's 15 , in high school , and said something about dieing if she doesn 't go back to school tomorrow and see all her friends . Thank goodness for this thing called Facebook . It seems to be the only bright spot ( besides us , of course ) in her life . She has decided that her 5 year old sister is a necessary evil . We think she 's great . She plays with us a lot and gives us tons of hugs . Our mom had to brave the outside and deal with the idiots out there . . . those are her words , not ours . We don 't even know what an idiot is . . . to get to work yesterday only to be sent home early because of the conditions outside . We are super happy because we like it when our family is around all the time . We 've taken a bunch of pictures and will post them later . First , we have other business to take care of . A special thank - you goes out to our two favorite basset hounds Martha and Bailey . We think they are really neat and would love to go on adventures with them . They even have a fun car to ride in that is named after them . Too cool ! Anyway , they sent us a lovely award . The award represents the blogs that truly love someone or something . It 's a ladybug and they are known for giving us luck whenever we see one . The ladybug reminds us of warmer weather to come and we think we are truly , three lucky dogs . We like comments This video has been making its rounds but we wanted to post it for all our friends who are not dog bloggers . We thought they would enjoy seeing it also . What a great friendship these two unlikely characters have forged . We feel inspired and want to run wild with the elephants ! Sometimes we sound like a herd of elephants when we run around the house . We don 't think our dad wants elephants in the back yard though . Bummer ! Enjoy the video ! PET ' S TEN COMMANDMENTS . . . . . . . . . 1 . My life is likely to last 10 - 15 years . Any separation from you is likely to be painful . 2 . Give me time to understand what you want of me . 3 . Place your trust in me . It is crucial for my well - being . 4 . Don 't be angry with me for long and don 't lock me up as punishment . You have your work , your friends , your entertainment , but I have only you . 5 . Talk to me . Even if I don 't understand your words , I do understand your voice when speaking to me . 6 . Be aware that however you treat me , I will never forget it . 7 . Before you hit me , before you strike me , remember that I could hurt you , and yet , I choose not to bite you . 8 . Before you scold me for being lazy or uncooperative , ask yourself if something might be bothering me . Perhaps I 'm not getting the right food , I have been in the sun too long , or my heart might be getting old or weak . 9 . Please take care of me when I grow old . You too , will grow old . 10 . On the ultimate difficult journey , go with me pl ease . Never say you can 't bear to watch . Don 't make me face this alone . Everything is easier for me if you are there , because I love you so . Take a moment today to thank God for your pets . Enjoy and take good care of them . Life would be a much duller , less joyful experience without God 's critters Today is Lucky Friday - a day when we like to reflect back on the week we 've had a be thankful for how lucky we are . We decided that we are lucky because we get lots of snuggle time . Tuck and I are always big snugglers . We love a good lap to sit in . Mom 's is the best ! We think our mom is rather groovy which is why we follow her EVERYWHERE . She makes wonderful treats too ! Tinkerbell is usually content with sleeping in her big comfy bed ( that Mom made for her ) . Last night , Tink decided that she needed a little more snuggle time than usual and Mom was happy to oblige . She looked kinda funny trying to fit in mom 's lap . Mom told her it was a special occasion ( whatever that means ) and told her she was okay to sit on her lap but only until she lost feeling in her toes and then she would have to lay on her bed again . We are so lucky to have special people in our lives who snuggle with us . I had a happy birthday on Tuesday . Thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday . It was a pleasure to share the day with the historical event my parents called " Inauguration Day " . Not quite sure what that means but there was a ton of whoopla on the t . v . No dogs though . What 's up with that ? ! ? Mom got me a new toy for my birthday . Even though I am a de - stuffer and make it my mission to get every squeaker out of every toy , she thought it was really cute and loved the noise it made . I was so happy I carried it around but the boys wouldn 't leave me alone ! They followed me everywhere wanting to play tug - of - war with it ! Good thing I am a good sharer . My new toy makes me happy . Hugs and kisses to my mom ! - Tinkerbell We received another funny email that we just had to share : Adam and Eve said , ' Lord , when we were in the garden , you walked with us every day . Now we do not see you anymore . We are lonesome here , and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us . ' And God said , ' I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflectionof my love for you , so that you will love me even when you cannot see me . Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be , this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do , in spite of yourselves . ' And God created a new animal to be a companionfor Adam and Eve . And it was a good animal . And God was pleased . And the new animal was pleased to be withAdam and Eve and he wagged his tail . And Adam said , ' Lord , I have already named all the animals in the Kingdomand I cannot think of a name for this new animal . ' And God said , ' I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you , his name will be a reflection of my own name , and you will call him " DOG " . And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them . And they were comforted . And God was pleased . And Dog was content and wagged his tail . After a while , it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said , ' Lord , Adam and Eve have become filled with pride . They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they areworthy of adoration . Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved , but perhaps too well . ' And God said , I will create for them a companionwho will be with them and who will see them as they are . The companion will remind them of their limitations , so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration . And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve . And Cat would not obey them . And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat 's eyes , they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings . And Adam and Eve learned humility . And they were greatly improved . And God was pleased . . . . . . . And Dog was happy . . . . . And Cat didn 't care one way or other . 6 Wow ! We just received our first award from a fellow blogger ! Thanks go out to Nigel , Sola & Co . for tagging us . We feel extra warm and fuzzy inside now ( which we really need today since the temperature is 6º F outside - got a little bit of an arctic blast going on ) We are tagging some of our favorite friends . Enjoy their blogs . We think they are pretty cool ! Mango 's Great AdventuresEduardo the Snuggle PuggleLois Lane - Adventures of a Super PupThe Brat PackPei in the LifeNoah 's BarkBoxer Dog Blog - What 's Cooking with ChefRaiding AddieThe fine print : Here 's the Friend Bloggy Award Scoop : These blogs are exceedingly charming . These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends . They are not interested in self - aggrandizement . Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut , even more friendships are propagated . Please give more attention to these writers . Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly - written text and pic into the body of their award . Our boy Tuck is simply fearless ! ( laugh ! laugh ! snort ! snort ! ) He has absolutely no fear of the vacuum cleaner . In fact , it bothers him so little that even while Mom was trying to vacuum around him , he continued to chew on his bone . He showed that mean ' ol vacuum cleaner who was boss ! ( Now , if he would just quit running from the wild rabbits out in the back yard . They scare him to pieces when they decide to dart out from under the deck ) CAPTAIN FEARLESS ! In our house we have what we like to refer to as an " open door policy " . Basically that means that our family is not allowed to shut a door because we will sit outside and scratch and whine until they open the shut door . We really don 't like when they close themselves in the room they like to refer to as the bathroom ( among other names ) . Oscar has resorted to howling when our mom thinks she can take a shower without his help . All we want to do is watch our people in the shower , see what bath toys have been left lying around that we can chew on and pick tissues out of the wastebasket . Last night , our little girl took her nightly bath . We were right there with her and our big girl took the pictures to prove it ! Our aunt gave us some new toys . Yeah ! What fun ! There were three of them , one for each of us . The toys are long animals ( rabbit , fox and raccoon ) without any stuffing in them . They have a squeaker at each end which we quickly killed . We were so excited about our new toys thatwe quickly tore the face off of that nasty rabbit . If we can 't catch them in our backyard , we can certainlybring the pain in our home . Look at Tink stalking them and then pouncing ! They are even great for tug - of - war . . . one of our favorites ! We love our new toys - thanks Aunt Missy ! We got an email this morning from our aunt that we thought was pretty funny and had to share ! Life really boils down to 2 questions . . . 1 . Should I get a dog . . . ? - OR - 2 . Should I have children ? We vote for # 1 . There 's nothing wrong with that couch . It just looks like a little redecorating was done to make it a tad more comfortable . You may have noticed that our family likes to dress us up a lot . They are always putting clothes , hats , sunglasses , etc . on us and taking pictures like crazy . We 're not sure but we think they are making fun of us . We 've posted a picture before of our kids but let 's remind everyone of our family dynamics : One of our kids is a 15 year old girl and another kid is a 5 year old girl . That means that the oldest girl is always taking pictures of herself and a lot of times we are included in them and the youngest girl is always dressing us up and letting the oldest girl take pictures . We also have a 10 year old boy whom we love to wrestle with ! For Christmas , our 5 year old girl got a tutu and princess attire . After dressing up , prancing around the house swirling and twirling and granting everyones wishes , she decided to dress Tink up too . Luckily , the 15 year old was right there with her camera to document it all . Alas , Princess Tinkerbell ! ( Compliments of 5 year old Keegan and 15 year old Katie ) A face only a mother could love ! It seems like every day Tucker 's underbite becomes more prominent . The vet feels that he is doing well with eating , etc . so there is no need for concern . We have to agree with the vet . Tuck is always camped out by the food bowl . He loves to eat and never misses a meal . Eating , playing tug - o - war , barking and growling are no problem for him . Tucker has recently discovered the hair dryer . The boys are always worried about mom so they follow her everywhere . Some times I hear her tell them to go and find something else to do besides constantly being under her feet . Poor mom cannot even go to the bathroom without the boys wanting to be in there with her . Oscar sits by the door and whines ! That 's how Tucker discovered the hair dryer . Mom decided that if he wanted to be in the bathroom with her , then he would have to deal with the hair dryer . She turned it on , took aim and fired ! Shot the air right into Tuck 's face and guess what ? He loved it ! Mom had gut giggles laughing at Tuck 's reaction to it . If you have ever seen the kids movie , " The Neverending Story " then you can imagine that Tuck looked like the dog / dragon when he flew in the movie . He lifted his head up and felt the breeze whipping through his hair , blowing his ears back . Oscar ran and hid under the bed ! Tucker never ceases to amaze us . He keeps us entertained with his antics every day . Our little Ewok is definitely a good addition to the family . CINCINNATI , OHIO ( Not the best of pictures but we took it so we 're gonna use it ) Our Mom took this picture the other night from atop a hill in Northern Kentucky looking over the Ohio river into downtown Cincinnati . Although it is blurry , we think the lights are pretty . It was very cloudy and cold that night so the lights are reflecting on the low clouds . Our mom has an appreciation for this picture . She grew up about 25 miles north of Cincinnati but attended college in Florida ( Go South Florida Bulls ! ! ! ) Every time she would drive back from school , this is the site she really looked forward to seeing . Anyone who has ever driven on I - 75 through Cincinnati has seen this before . Right before you get to Ohio there is a portion of Northern KY called " the cut of the hill " . I - 75 curves through the hillsides until eventually you round a curve and everything opens up to reveal Cincinnati in front of you . The sight always took my moms breath away and she would always breathe a giant sign of relief knowing she was home . This picture does not do the view justice . Let us know if you have ever driven through Cincinnati . It is very beautiful at night all lit up . We took a trip to the dog park this Saturday . Loaded three dogs , three kids and our mom and dad into the SUV and headed out in the frigid cold to play with some new friends . We are pretty lucky that there is a really nice dog park a few miles from our home . There are 3 different fenced in areas for us to play in . The stress of getting us there is well worth it when Tinker has the opportunity to run and run and run ! She is that type of dog that always has to be on a leash because she is a runner . If she gets outside without a leash on , she will look back with a crazy look in her eyes like " HA HA HA ! CATCH MY DUST ! " and off she runs . It 's always an ordeal to get the leash back on her and to get her back home . If left alone , she will come back home when she feels she is ready but my mom is afraid she may get hit by a car so they always go on a Tink Hunt to bring her back home . Days like Saturday she lives for ! She made a lot of new friends and ran until she couldn 't run anymore . It 's always nice to see the smile on her face when she knows we are heading to the dog park . We have no pictures to show how much fun we had . In all the commotion , the camera was left sitting on the kitchen table . We had so much fun though ! Oscar was the littlest guy there and he looked rather handsome in his daisy sweater . We were very proud of him when a bigger dog was trying to be Alpha to Tink . Oscar barked at him and then ran and hid behind Mom 's legs . At least he tried to be courageous ! Tink is his girl ! Tucker spent most of the time just running around sniffing everything . He loves to chase and be chased . By the time we left , the fenced in area that we were in had about 15 dogs to play with . Nice turn out for such a cold day . Once we got home , we spent the day sleeping . Tink even had a smile on her face while she dozed the day away on her bed . We are looking forward to our next trip to the dog park . Hope it will be soon ! Today is Lucky Friday , a day when we reflect on how and why we are three very lucky dogs . There 's been lots of buzz this week amongst all our dog friends on the net regarding shoes / booties for outdoor wear in the snow . We don 't need to worry about that because we all refuse to be outside in the cold for very long . Our mom keeps the fur on Tucks feet trimmed so that he does not get snow balls stuck in between the pads . She also makes sure Oscar is wearing a sweater ( he loves his gray manly - man sweater with the daisy on it . It 's on his back so he doesn 't know any better ! ) I don 't like to wear coats but that doesn 't stop me from romping around in the snow . So , why are we lucky dogs ? We 're lucky because we have a great place to live and wonderful people to take care of us and because of that , we don 't have to spend a lot of time outside in the snow . We can play for a while but have the luxury of returning back inside to our comfy beds and blankets in the living room amongst all the daily chaos in our home . We are warm , happy , and healthy . What more could three dogs ask for ? Now , cue the music . . . Oh , the weather outside is frightful , but the fires so delightful . And since we 've no place to go . . . Let it snow , let it snow , let it snow ! Happy New Year - Tink 5 A little too much festivities last night . We 're pooped ! It 's not often you find the three of us close enough together to be in the same picture . 0
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I am a techno / gadget freak . I love almost anything that has to do with computers and software . I have an engineering background , but I haven 't worked in that field for over 10 years . I married my wonderful husband in September 2004 and look forward to spending every single day of the rest of my life with him . I love cats and even call myself " Cat " . So if you haven 't checked it out already , you should head over to my shop blog to pick up the blog train freebies I have there . There 's also a free Canada Day mini kit & 4th of July mini kit for you all . Make sure you check out the Stuff to Scrap blog train freebie before the 15th . After that it will be gone . The rest of the freebies will be available until the end of the month . And don 't forget that I have a little gift for all my newsletter subscribers every month as well . You can sign up for my newsletter here : Newsletter Sign Up Form Have fun with them . I 'd love to see what you do with them , so shoot me a link if you post anything on line . You can contact me through the contact me form in the sidebar . It was a hard choice this week as to which stamp to use . I have ( had ) so many stamps that I could use that fit this theme in both digital and rubber / clear . I decided to pull out a stamp I haven 't used yet from my stash . This poor stamp has been sitting in a box in its wrapper for almost 2 years without being used . So , I thought it was high time , and a very appropriate theme to use it on . Its a La Blanche stamp and I really love the detail . I only have a couple La Blanche stamps and the detail on these stamps is amazing . One thing I find neat about these stamps is that they are made from silicone . Most people associate silicone stamps with the cheap and poor quality clear stamps . But , believe me , these are nice quality and the images are beautiful . Well , my stint as the guest designer is now over . Its been a lot of fun playing along with you all and seeing all the talent each week . I hope you had as much fun with the challenges as I did and pushed yourself . I 'm sure I 'll be popping by every now and then to say hey and to check out all the amazing projects you all post there . So , I 'm not quite sure what happened . . . I did this post last night and thought I had set it to post at something like 3am . I get up this morning to check to make sure my living room isn 't flooded ( I 'll get to that in a second ) , turn on the computer , take my first sip of my coffee , come here and nothing . Where did my post go ? Well , its off in cyberland having a great laugh with all the missing emails and files that we all can 't find . Before I get started , I want to say my heart goes out to all my fellow Calgarians that are affected by the flooding . I just couldn 't imagine . My heart also goes out to the families of the people who lost their lives because of the flood . I have never seen flooding of this magnitude . Its unbelievable how much water there is around . So , we 're watching tv the other night and I kept hearing this clicking noise . I said to my husband " why does that speaker keep making a clicking noise " and he 's like " I can 't hear it " ( of course you can 't ) . So I wait a little while and hear it again . I go over to the speaker - which goes over the back of the arm of the couch - and there 's water dripping from the ceiling onto the speaker . OMG , our roof is leaking from all the rain we 've been having . So we had to put a bowl on the couch so it wouldn 't get wet . Good thing the speaker didn 't get any water in side of it . So now when it rains , it leaks . Greeaaattt . Luckily it quit raining yesterday afternoon and didn 't rain last night - or not that I heard it . Its bad enough that the basement weeps everytime we get a lot of rain , now the roof leaks . The landlord is going to have to do some major work to this house , that all I 'm sayin ' OK , now on to our card . As you can tell by my post title , this weeks ' challenge is about Edward Scissorhands . I enjoyed that movie . I think Johnny Depp was great in it . But , I had no idea what to do for a card . Luckily , there was also a tie - in to sewing . Whew ! I knew I could work with that . Well , here is my card . Its simple , and country - ish . I hope you like it . That 's it for me for today . I 'll be back next week with another project . I know they have something great planned for us for next week . : ) Hi again ! I 'm back for another challenge at the Drunken Stampers challenge blog . This week 's theme is Monty Python & the Holy Grail ( or rabbits ) . I remember as a teenager I saw the Monty Python movie " The Meaning of Life " . I thought it was hilarious . I did see The Holy Grail , but I 'm somewhat embarrassed to say , I don 't really remember it . I was a bit of wild child in my mid teen years ( well really , right up to my 40 's ) and may have been extremely inebriated when I saw it . For some reason , I really never did get into the Monty Python show though . Everyone else thought it was the funniest thing on tv . So given my lack of knowledge about all things Monty Python , I decided to go with the rabbit theme . More specifically , cute little bunnies . : ) Although , doing the kind of steampunk , head chopped off and full of a bunch of weird stuff , theme on a card would probably be fun . Maybe next time I 'll jump out of my comfort zone and do something wild and crazy . For now , I have a card using some cute little bunnies by from House Mouse . They are so cute . Here 's the card : I left it kind of generic so it could be used for a couple of different occasions . I think it could be used for a baby shower , just to send a hug , easter . . . Its really an all purpose card . Well , I hope you get over to the Drunken Stampers and check out the current challenge . There 's always a lot of fun happening over there and you 'll see some wonderful creations . I hope you check it out this weekend . Hey everyone ! I 'm not depressed - really . I 'm feeling blue because its another Drunken Stampers Challenge - My Best Friend 's Wedding or the colour blue . : ) That 's why I 'm feeling blue ! I want to show you the card I made this week for the challenge . Since Father 's day is just around the corner , I thought I would also use this challenge to try give you all a little inspiration . Sadly , my dad passed away almost 12 years ago . I miss him every day . He was a wonderful person and his gentleness and generosity is something that I looked up to . This challenge was really a challenge for me . Blue is my favourite colour , but I have a hard time working with what I call masculine colours . I left the card a little more plain , but I still had to put some bling in it with the glittered stars . You may notice the two tone " twine " on there . I used some # 10 crochet cotton and coloured it with a blue & beige copic to match the colour scheme of the card . That technique is a great way to get custom colours and custom matching to your projects . I just happened to grab a couple copics , but you could use any type of marker you have handy . I have done it with Marvy markers and Crayola as well and both worked great too . So without much further a do , here 's the card : I hope you will stop by next week to see what I have in store for the next challenge . Make sure you head over to the Drunken Stampers blog and put in your entry for the challenge . I see from all the players of the last challenge that a lot of very talented people hang out there . At least all the cool one 's do . : ) Well ! I can finally let Cat out of the bag ( yes , I intentionally left the word " the " out of the phrase ) . I 'm going to be a guest designer on the Drunken Stampers challenge blog for the month of June . I 'm really excited about it . I 've never been a " guest designer " before , so I 'm going to try and wow you all with some great stamped projects . The first challenge for June is Breakfast at Tiffany 's - Bling ! You can make something representative of the movie or the theme ( and who doesn 't love bling ? ) I opted for da bling of course . I made a sweet little thank you card for someone special . I hope you like it . Unfortunately , I can 't seem to get a better picture of it . The picture really doesn 't show off how sparkly it is . I added stickles to random dots on the patterned paper and then I made swirls and dots on the pink cardstock too . The chipboard letter was already a glittered chipboard piece , but I wanted even MORE bling , so I loaded it up with rhinestones . Even the ribbon has a little metallic thread running along the edges ( that my photo didn 't pick up ) . With all that excitement going on on the card , I wanted the word " Thank " to stand out , so I use a plain font alpha stamp for the word . I really hope you join in the Drunken Stampers challenges along with me this month . Its going to be a fun time . And , just a little teaser to leave off with you . I 've been on this blog for about 8 years I think and I don 't often post pictures of myself . Usually because I 'm the one behind the camera . I get a lot of people asking me what I look like . Well , they 'll be posting a snapshot of me over on Drunken Stampers . So if you want to see the face behind that green cat all over the internet , you 'll be able to see the real me . So that 's all for today . Stop back again next week for another fun challenge card . Also , you can stop by my store blog to pick up some fun free digi scrapping kits for a couple of blog trains I 'm participating in . I hope everyone is enjoying the day with their mother ! I 'm taking it easy at home , but unfortunately , can 't spend the day with my mother since she lives in a different province . I 'll give her a call on skype in a little bit , so that will be nice . Hey everyone ! You should check out my new blog . I have a ton of new freebies over there for 3 blog trains I 'm participating in . Also , I have a new Facebook Fan freebie up now , so check that out too . There are links to the entire trains , so you can go crazy with freebies today . Hope you have lots of room n your hard drive , because I know mine 's going to get really full with all the great kits the other designers have made . Hi everyone ! I hope you all had a wonderful weekend . I 'll be sending out my first newsletter on ( or as close to it as possible ) April 1st . I 'll be including tips on different scrapbooking softwares , tutorials , and of course a freebie here and there . Needless to say , my grand kick off of the new store newsletter will include an EXCLUSIVE Cat Scrap Fever freebie . If you want in on the fun and what all else the newsletter will be delivering , you can sign up here . I hope you will . Hi everyone ! So , do you have any green plans this weekend ? I 'm going to make some corned beef sandwiches , maybe . That 's about as much St . Patrick 's Day celebrating we do . I don 't go in for all the green beer and " kiss me , I 'm Irish " stuff , but I love all the green ( one of my favourite colours ) and all the cute little leprechauns . So , if you have plans and plan on taking a lot of pictures , I have the kit for you . My new kit to open my new store with is the Lucky Charm kit . Its full of lots of green ( and a little pink and white thrown in ) with lots of embellishments . Here is a preview of what 's in the kit : Its a fairly big kit , and not everything is shown in the preview . All together , there is over 50 pieces to the kit . You can purchase this kit here : Lucky Charm Kit . And , my cute little Mitzy . The light was refracted as it shone through the living room window and Mitzy just happened to be sleeping on her ( my ) woobie on the couch and the little rainbow fell across her face . It was so pretty and I 'm glad she didn 't hear the camera start up , otherwise she would have bolted . She doesn 't like having her picture taken anymore . So that 's it for today . Come check out my new store . I 'll be adding a lot more things as time goes by . I probably won 't be posting as much on this blog since most of my stuff will be on the new store blog . You can also come and see what 's happening there . My new blog has the same name , just a new place . You can find the new hang out here : Cat Scrap Fever Blog Ok , so I hinted a couple times here and there about something ( or a couple things ) that I was working on over the last couple weeks . Well . . . . . its done . . . . and ready to reveal ! MY NEW STORE ! ! ! ! Its taken awhile for me to get the courage up to do this . I know its a tough market , but really I 'm not in it to make a fortune ( because I know I won 't ) . I really like designing and rather than have this stuff just sitting on my hard drive not doing anything for me , I thought now is the time to get back into a store . Then I thought , why not my own store . So the journey began . I really would love to see you all stop by and take a look . If you 're intersted , you can even sign up for my newsletter . I 'm hoping to have the first issue ready for press for the first of April . I have big plans for this new place . Another thing is I will be moving my blog to the one associated with the store and probably just keep this one for my personal stuff . So I will still be around , but all my craft stuff will be on the store blog now . I 'll leave this blog up because there 's a lot of stuff here that I people still access ( like the Silhouette tutorials - those one 's are my most popular posts ) . So that 's it . I 'm wiped out . It was a long , long day yesterday loading the few things into the store . If you head over and take a look , there is also a freebie page . I have some new stuff there for you . Hope to see you soon at the new place ! Hi everyone ! Some of you might remember me mentioning a site I 've been hanging out at lately . Its called Pixel Scrappers . I found it a couple years ago , but never really looked around to see what was happening . Well , I happened upon the site again , and I decided to take a look around . I 'm glad I did . Its a great community with lots of digi freebies ( personal use & commercial use ) . There are a lot of great tutorials and , what I 've been involved in lately , are the challenges . Specifically , the designer challenges . I want to get back into designing again , and this has given me the little pick up I needed to get going . I 've been working on getting a store set up , so you all can check that out , but I 'll let you know when its ready and open for business . : ) In the meantime , I played along with the latest designer challenge at Pixel Scrappers , which was to make an add - on element for the Spring Fields kit ( I love the colours ) . Here is my addition to the kit : There are two files available ( packed together ) . The first one is a sequin and glitter spray , and the second one is sponged background spray . The sponged spray is quite subtle and a little hard to see , so I suggest you click on the preview to make it bigger so you can see the detail . You can pick up this add - on here : CSF Spring Fields Add - on Freebie I 'm taking part in a design challenge at Pixel Scrappers and this week 's challenge is to create a repeating pattern that you can use to make digital papers . I love making digital papers . I find it the easiest part of designing . I did these papers up last night for the challenge and I 'm offering them up for you to download . I 'm also offering the templates I created so you can play around with your own colour combinations and textures to see what you can create . : ) You can download these papers from here : Call Me Paper Pack . Well , that 's it for this post . I bet you 're falling out of your chair to see that I 've actually posted twice today eh ? I 'm on a roll . . . I was playing around with my Heritage Lane kit last night and surfing the web for freebies ( what else are you suppose to do at 2am ? ) and I found this pretty layout template by Zoe Pearn Designs . I haven 't used layerd templates until I used the one for the Persnicky Prints layout contest , and I tell ya , they are great . I can put together a layout in about 15 minutes and I don 't have to think about where to put everything . My layout skills really leave something to be desired , so while I am using these tools as a quick and dirty way of getting out a layout , I consider them a learning tool as well . They help me understand how to put together a great layout using their scale of elements , placement , and shadowing . I know I 'll be looking more into how to make these for myself in the near future . So here is the layout : I think this better shows off the colours of the kit , plus I got to use that pretty doily . So , that 's all for today . I 'm amazed there 's still sunlight and I 've posted . Usually , blogging is a late night activity for me . I need to get my schedule straightened out . I 've been looking for work and I can 't be up all night and expect to be engaged if I get called for an interview . We 'll get there . . . I 'm so embarrassed ! ! ! The buttons and bows files I uploaded the other night for you guys to download as part of my Heritage Lane kit were the wrong files . I think that when I was doing the batch process to resize my previews , I may have had these files open but didn 't notice them ( I think they were minimized ) and the script I made resizes all open windows . Granted , I 'm not very good with scripts in Photoshop , and in my own defense ( copping out in other words ) it was really late when I was doing all this . So , I 've fixed the files , and its all good now . So if you were here yesterday ( or earlier today ) and downloaded the files , please delete it and download this new zip file : I 'm so sorry for the inconvenience to you all . I assure you this won 't happen again ! The link is also fixed on the previous post . I really do have good intentions to keep this blog updated , but then I get side tracked or I 'm just too lazy to post , and then a week goes by , 10 days , 2 weeks , with no post . I 'm working on something pretty big ( a couple of things actually ) and its been taking up huge amounts of my time . Plus , I have to look for work on top of that , sooooo needless to say , this poor little blog gets neglected . To make up for it , I have a huge digi scrapping kit for you all . Its over 70 pieces ( over 80 if you grab my exclusive Facebook fan freebie ) . I wanted to participate in the February blog train with Pixel Scrappers , but didn 't feel I had the time to do a mini kit justice when they were going live with it February 1st . So , I worked on this kit using the same colour scheme and theme on my own a little bit here and there and I think I 've come up with something that 's pretty cute . I hope you all like it . I did up a layout using the kit , just to give a quick example . Just click on the big red heart to get into the download area . If you download the kit , I would really love to hear what you think of it . I appreciate any and all feedback and constructive criticism you can offer on this project . I would also love to see what you create with it . Its always a thrill for a designer to see their goods in action . Well , that 's all for tonight . I will try to get back here sooner this time . I 've been meaning to post some pictures I have of some cards I made . I just don 't seem to get around to it . I think I need someone to give me a good boot in the butt to get me going again . : ) I guess I 've been MIA for a little while . I 've been working on something and just haven 't been able to get here . I have a little gift for you all today ( or tonight as I 'm writing this ) . I 've been brushing up on some of my designing skills lately and have a paper sample pack for you . Just in time for Valentines day for those last minute layouts or cards . They are 12x12 papers at 300dpi so they are perfect for printing . Here 's a preview : I tried to include something that wasn 't so girly for those guy cards you still have to make . : ) For all you Silhouette Studio Designer Edition users out there , you can also import these to your library to use as fill patterns for your print & cuts . Hopefully , you can use them . If you do download them , please let me know what you think and also , I would love to see what you do with them . * sorry this link has now expired * Click here to download them . Hi everyone ! Well , I 've recovered from the blow to my ego from the MFT contest . ha ha . I found another contest on Persnickety Prints to make a layout using a free digital scrap kit from Scrap Orchard . The kit is really beautiful and I 've been wanting to do another layout for a long time . They are going to have open voting for the winner of the contest , so please go and vote for me . They are keeping the layouts a secret until voting starts on Monday , so I will post a link then . But in the meantime , I wanted to show you the digital layout I made for the contest : The theme of the contest was to create a layout about what inspired you in 2012 . Well , of course , it had to be my little Mitzy . We just love our little dog and dote on her . Rob and I were in our mid forties when we married , so it was too late for us to have children , which was ok . But , without having kids to focus on , its easy to become somewhat self - centred and only pay attention to what affects your own life on a day - to - day basis . She 's made us look at life outside our own self and see there are people and creatures that need our care and attention . She has taught us to be more compassionate and patient . So , in essence , she has inspired us to be better people . So , I loved this layout so much that I wanted to see if I could re - create it in paper . So I printed out all the papers I used on the layout and fired up my CraftRobo . Here is the paper version of the layout : I was having problems with the print & cut ( of course - stupid Silhouette software screwed that up ) , so I had to make my own embellishments for the layout . I was , luckily , able to still cut shapes , so I found some files that I liked and cut and glued and glittered . As luck would have it , I even had some bottle caps in my stash , so I printed out the bottle cap from the digital kit and glued it to the top of my bottle cap and then put Dimensional Magic on top to give it a glassy finish . I think the layouts look very similar . And as I look at it them right now , I just realized I forgot to put the little heart with the mini clothes peg on the paper layout . Darn ! I even have the mini clothes pegs too . Oh well . Hey everyone ! Before I show you the cards I made for the Christmas card swap over at Scraptures , I wanted to let you know how the MFT contest went . Well , I wasn 't chosen . : ( I really didn 't have my hopes up , but I do admit that I would have really liked to be on that DT just for the experience of being on a highly visible DT like that one . Oh well , I 'll keep trying . They have a contest every month , so I 'll keep at it . : ) I 've never been called a quitter . So I found Sassy Cheryl 's digi stamps a couple years ago , and I always thought they were really cute , but I just had so many digi stamps that I never got around to buying any of them . Then she had a sale on her stuff and I couldn 't pass it up . The couple I bought were an absolute steal for 50 ¢ each . Her stuff is so cute and whimsical and I love the snowman images . I only used one of the stamps ( saving the other one for next Christmas ) and I used a free colouring page for the digi stamp on the other card . Here are the two cards I made : I hadn 't used my watercolour pencils in a really long time , so I thought it was time to put them to use . It took a bit of practice to get the shading the way I wanted it , but it worked out . I discovered that there was enough pigment in my rinse water that I could actually use it to paint the shadow around my image . This next card was one that I had pictured in my head , and I even had printed the image out last Christmas , but I didn 't end up using it . I really wanted to put this card together , so I thought it would be a nice one to use for the swap . Here it is : I love Christmas images . I don 't know why , but I especially like snowman images . I just think they are so cute . This card is made with an older Stamps Happen stamp that I bought on clearance at Michaels a few years ago and this year was the first time it saw ink . I made it for the November One on One swap at Scraptures . Here 's the card . So that 's everything for today . I 've been working on a layout , but its just not gelling . I think I 'm going to work on a digital one to see how that goes . I was playing around with some templates the other day , and boy , I can see that they would sure help a layout come together quickly . I 've never used templates before ( although I use to make them when I was designing ) to put together layouts , but I may just start . They 're even better than sketches - at least for digital scrapbooking they are . Hi all ! My Favorite Things is have a contest for a guest design team spot . I 'm so excited by the chance to win a spot as a guest designer for MFT . I love their products , although I don 't have very many of the dies . I do have quite a few of their stamps though . I debated whether I was going to submit anything for this contest because , lets face it , the girls on their design are like crafting geniuses . I love looking at all the things they create . I have made cards for their monthly contests , but never have time to finish them before they 're due or chicken out and don 't submit them . Well , damn it ! This time I 'm not going to chicken out . I think that if I were to win a spot on the DT , it would really push my creativity . And lets face it , I have been in a really big slump the last year or so . So I put together 3 cards to enter . My dear , sweet husband says they 're really nice ( and that I should put them up for sale ) . He always says that . Here is the first card I made . I cut the label shapes with my CraftRobo and then stamped the image on the one label and coloured it with Copic markers . I also cut the tag with my CraftRobo and then stamped the sentiment onto it . It doesn 't show up well in the picture , but the tag is quite a bit wider than the label , so I adhered the ends of the tag to the sides of the label so it would bow out from the image . It looks pretty cute in real life . : ) I also decorated the inside of the card . I 've been trying to do this with all my cards now . I think it just makes it so much nicer and gives it a more professional finish . It also uses up my little scraps so I 'm not wasting or storing a whack of tiny pieces of paper ( I know I have a problem ! I 'm a pack rat . ) Here 's the inside : I had to fiddle with the settings on my printer to get the papers to print the colours properly since I was using plain white cardstock . Once I got the intensity and the contrast set to where I liked how it was printing , I went to town and printed a whole bunch . I also used digi papers on this next card : I used 3 different colours of copic markers to create the dotted background on the label that the main image sits on . I stamped one image on scrap and cut around that to use as a mask so I knew where to put the dots . Then , I cut out the image and popped it up over the dots . I stuck together the sentiments from two sets to get the sentiment I wanted - " Feel Better Soon " - for the panel running across the top of the card . I inked the edges of the cardstock and patterned papers as well as embossed the upper panel on the card . Again , I finished the inside of the card : This next card is a bit different for me . I almost never make square cards . I would have to say that 95 % of my cards are A2 size and 4 % are 5x7 , just because the envelopes are readily available and I don 't have to pay extra postage if I make them flat enough . This card is definitely a " hand deliver " card . The card is pretty straight forward . I inked and distressed the edges of all the papers . I was going to use all three sizes of the flowers , but they were a little too big , so I just went with the two smaller layers . I think they have a good balance with the rest of the card . I left the inside fairly simple since there was so much going on on the front of the card : I know I 'm going to be checking out what the other entries look like once I get these uploaded to the SCS gallery . I try not to look at the other submissions just so I don 't get influenced by the other designs and can have something to enter that I created totally on my own . I 'll be on pins and needles as well until they announce the winner . That 's all I have for now . I 'm working on a couple layouts and I 'm hoping I 'll have those done by the middle of the week . So , check back then to see what I 've been up to . Hey everyone ! I have another video tutorial for you . I 'm having fun making these . Its like I get to actually talk to you . Its also so much easier for me to just show you how to do something than taking a bunch of screen shots and trying to get all the images uploaded . Kathy from Magnolia Designs blog stopped by and was checking out my How to " Export " Silhouette Studio Files to SVG files tutorial and asked how to do this using Illustrator instead of Inkscape . I 'm not all that familiar with Illustrator , but I do know how to get svg files from an image file , so I thought I would just do a little video . For those of you who don 't already have Illustrator , don 't go out and get it . Illustrator is really expensive to buy and Inkscape is free and does just as good a job as Illustrator in my opinion . I 'm lucky that I happen to have Illustrator from when I was designing . Spoonflower is giving away a Fuse ! I 've read the rules and guess what ! This contest is open to everyone ! Yay ! Most of the time these contest are limited to US citizens only which really sucks . But this one is open to everyone ! So if you want to enter to win one of these babies , use this link : Spoonflower 's Fiskar Fuse Giveaway
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Water . Life is dependent on it . In biblical times this meant wells and springs were life . And life was dependent on them . Women were the ones who drew water . They were at wells … a lot . Women not only drew water for their households . They also herded animals mostly sheep , to the wells to water them . Jan Richardson notes this about women and wells : In God 's lexicon of water , wells have a particularly interesting place . Women at wells : more intriguing still . See a woman near a well , something momentous is bound to happen . It usually involves a person of the male persuasion , and it augurs a major change in the woman 's life . Genesis gives us a rich trinity of woman - at - the - well stories . In Genesis 21 , God provides a well to a desperate Hagar and her son Ishmael , who lies near death in a waterless wilderness . Genesis 24 tells of a servant who finds Rebekah , Isaac 's bride - to - be , at a well . Another well serves as a signal of matrimony in Genesis 29 , when Jacob meets Rachel at the well where she waters her father 's sheep . The matrimonial symbolism of wells finds a striking resonance in the Song of Songs … . Particularly given the intimate , fertile link between women , wells , marriage , and motherhood , one might rightly wonder what the heck Jesus is doing , hanging out by a well with a lone woman , as he does in this week 's Gospel lection , John 4 . 1 - 42 . I 's a curious thing for a single rabbi to strike up a conversation with a woman he finds at a well . But Jesus is a curious sort of rabbi , and so he wades into an exchange with a Samaritan woman who has come to draw her water at noonday . Although wells have matrimonial links , two women did not meet husbands at wells : they met God . Richardson notes one of those times in Genesis 21 . But Genesis 21 isn 't the first time Hagar had a rendezvous with God at a well or spring , our reading from Genesis 16 is . Hagar was the first woman to meet God at a well . She was Sarah 's Egyptian slave . She had no say over what happened in her life or her own body . Sarah , desperate for a child , gave Hagar to Abraham as his concubine . After she became pregnant , Hagar may have thought Abraham would make her his second wife . After all , she was the one who would give him his long awaited heir , not Sarah . Hagar apparently started looking down on Sarah . Sarah complained to Abraham that Hagar looked at her with contempt . Abraham said Hagar was her slave , and she could do whatever she wanted to rein Hagar in . Sarah started treating Hagar harshly . Hagar ran away from Abraham and Sarah and ran into God . God simply wants to know why Hagar is at the spring , and she tells God : she is running away from Sarah . God instructs her to go back and promises her that she will multiply Hagar 's offspring , so that they cannot be counted . God also instructs her to name her son Ishmael , for God has heard her affliction . God extends the covenant promise to Hagar and her son . Hagar is the first woman , and the first person , in the Bible to name God . She calls God , the One who sees . God has seen her pain and affliction , and she has seen God . Hagar goes back and bears Ishmael . She remains in slavery to Sarah until 14 years later , after Isaac is born and weaned . Sarah wants no competition for her son and has Abraham send Hagar and Ishmael away . In the desert with no food and water , Hagar once again sees God , who reveals a well to her . God reassures her of the promise before Ishmael was born : he will grow into a great nation . Published by Shawna on March 30 , 2017 | Permalink Housecleaning This site is now back up and running . It was hacked last fall , and as it is more or less an archive of my religious writing , fixing it wasn 't high up on the priority list . But my wonderful webmaster husband took yesterday to get it back up and running . He 's not sure if everything came through . I went through and approved comments that had been left since last September . So first my apologies for taking so long to get your comments moderated . Until yesterday I was locked out of my own site . Second if you notice your comment didn 't get approved , please let me know . It might have got lost in the wipe and restore The Hubby had to do to get the site back up and running . Published by Shawna on March 27 , 2017 | Permalink Book Review : Sex Difference in Christian Theology Last year I wrote a review of Megan Defranza 's Sex Difference in Christian Theology : Male , Female , and Intersex in the Image of God , sent it to the editor of the Englewood Review of Books then promptly forgot about it . When I was hunting through my bookshelves over the weekend , I came across the book and wondered if the review had been published . It had : in January . I 'm a little behind the curve on this one , but here it is . Sex Difference in Christain Theology is a much needed theological reflection on what it means to be made in the image of God , and that male and female do not have to be the binary straightjacket of what it means to be fully human . There are gray areas of sex , gender , and sexuality in our world , and our theology needs to reflect those areas to be faithful to how all of us are created in the image of God and image God in this world . DeFranza has provided a good biblical and theological foundation for this work . I will never forgive Luke for not recording Martha 's response to what Jesus said . I 'm sure she had one . And I 'm just as sure that her response wasn 't submissive , subservient , or even polite . In fact , I imagine her saying " Fine , Mary can stay put . You can help me feed all of these men you 've dragged into my house , " and dragging Jesus off to the kitchen . During its infancy years the church met in members ' homes . In order for there to be enough room for the church to meet , the home had to be a decent size , which meant the owners of these homes had money . They were rich . We see this with Lydia : she was a merchant , and had her own household with slaves . She was a rich businesswoman . In Luke 10 Martha is preparing a meal for Jesus and his 12 disciples , minimum . Remember normally more than just the 12 were traveling with Jesus . In order to accommodate this many people Martha , Mary , and Lazarus had to be rich . Martha was used to running a large house . What did a rich woman running her household look like ? What did she do ? What were her duties ? Socrates gives us a glimpse of what duties Roman matrons , like Martha , performed in their home in his book Economics : " Supervision of all comings and goings in the house , protection and distribution of supplies , supervision of weaving and food production , care of sick slaves , instruction [ of ] slaves in household skills , rewarding and punishing slaves , in short independent management of an entire household ( 7 . 36 - 43 ) . She is to be the guardian of its laws , like a military commander , a city councilor , or a queen … " ( A Woman 's Place , 146 ) . Matrons like Martha were powerful women . She was not only responsible for everything that went on in her home and estate , she also set an example by working with her servants and slaves . Matrons spun wool and flax , wove , and prepared food . In Greek and Roman literature writers and poets pictured the ideal Roman matron as one who wove cloth and clothed her family with her own hands . It means the members of the churches that met during the time of the New Testament would not have thought twice about women being leaders in their services . Osiek and MacDonald also point out that it would not be unusual for a woman to preside over the love feast and communion during this time because meals fell under the domain of the woman in the house . It would not be unusual for the matron of the house to preside over the meal . There are also women like Mary , Nympha , Lydia , and Chloe who are not linked with husbands , which meant they hosted the love feasts in their homes and presided over communion . According to Osiek and MacDonald " Women were expected to independently manage their households , with or without a husband . Therefore , to step into a Christian house church was to step into women 's world " ( p . 163 ) . In the Christian tradition Martha started it . Martha hosted the first church in her home . Jesus and however many disciples were following him at that time found shelter and food in Martha 's home . Jesus taught in her home , and he ate in her home . Martha was the first hostess of the church . There is one more thing about Martha that gets overlooked . For that we have to jump over to John 11 . In John we again meet Martha , and she is not happy . She had sent a message to Jesus that her brother Lazarus was sick , and asked him to come and heal him . Jesus waited until Lazarus was dead before he set off for Bethany . Martha met Jesus on the road and accused him of letting Lazarus die . But in her anger and grief , she still believed that God would do what Jesus asked . When Jesus asked her if she believed that he was the resurrection and life her answer was : " Lord , I believe that you are the Messiah , the Son of God , the one coming into the world " ( John 11 : 27 ) . In John Martha made the confession that Jesus was the Messiah , the Son of God , not Peter . In John , Martha 's confession is the rock the church is built on . So my question is this : Pope Martha anyone ? In John God revealed to Martha what flesh and blood had not , and she is indeed blessed for proclaiming the faith that is the rock on which the church is built . Not only did Martha make that confession of faith , but her home became a meeting place for the early church . Not all apostles and " popes " traveled to proclaim Christ crucified and risen , some of them stayed put and offered the hospitality and protection of their homes for the beginning Christian movement . The early church depended on matrons , like Martha , to provide an organized , well - run home for them to meet in . It was the matron who made sure the meal was ready and presided over the meal and all that happened during it . Jesus may have discounted Martha 's worries over the meal . May be Martha did allow herself to be distracted by too many things . But the early church gives a different testimony about Martha , her duties , and her worries . Without women like Martha efficiently running large , rich households there would be no church . [ Paul , Silas , and Timothy ] went through the region of Phrygia and Galatia , having been forbidden by the Holy Spirit to speak the word in Asia . When they had come opposite Mysia , they attempted to go into Bithynia , but the Spirit of Jesus did not allow them ; so , passing by Mysia , they went down to Troas . During the night Paul had a vision : there stood a man of Macedonia pleading with him and saying , " Come over to Macedonia and help us . " When he had seen the vision , we immediately tried to cross over to Macedonia , being convinced that God had called us to proclaim the good news to them . We set sail from Troas and took a straight course to Samothrace , the following day to Neapolis , and from there to Philippi , which is a leading city of the district of Macedonia and a Roman colony . We remained in this city for some days . On the sabbath day we went outside the gate by the river , where we supposed there was a place of prayer ; and we sat down and spoke to the women who had gathered there . A certain woman named Lydia , a worshiper of God , was listening to us ; she was from the city of Thyatira and a dealer in purple cloth . The Lord opened her heart to listen eagerly to what was said by Paul . When she and her household were baptized , she urged us , saying , " If you have judged me to be faithful to the Lord , come and stay at my home . " And she prevailed upon us ( NRSV ) . A few years ago before the real estate bubble burst a growing trend got on every last one of my nerves . It was The Secret and all of that positivity claptrap that came from it . You could only think good , positive thoughts so the Universe , God , or the Force would give you what you wanted . You just had to think the right thoughts and send out all the good juju you could muster for everything to work out the way you thought it should . As I 'm sure you can guess : I did not jump onto that particular bandwagon . But this idea has persisted for some time in Christianity : that if we are in a relationship with God then everything will turn out just fine , and we 'll basically get whatever we want because : God 's will ! So it doesn 't make me happy when I see the lectionary has cherry picked a couple of verses out our Acts reading from two weeks ago to make it seem like everything was smooth sailing for Paul because he was obeying God . We heard the story of how Paul came to Philippi on the fifth Sunday after Easter . But our reading picked up when Paul was at Troas waiting for God 's leading . It cut off the verses where the Holy Spirit kept blocking Paul 's path . It also leaves out that this trip , which is called Paul 's second missionary journey , didn 't have such a wonderful start . Before Paul sets off he and Barnabas have a disagreement over who take with them on this journey . On the first missionary journey they embarked on , Barnabas ' cousin John Mark had went with them , but half way through the trip he returned home . Barnabas wanted to bring him again , but Paul didn 't want John Mark on this trip , since he didn 't finish the last trip with them . The two parted ways . Barnabas and Mark went to Cyprus , and Paul took Silas with him and heading out to check on the churches he and Barnabas had planted on their first trip . So this trip starts out shaky to begin with : our superhero missionary duo splits up over personnel issues . Paul and Silas begin their trip and visit churches in the cities of Derbe and Lystra where they pick up Timothy . Then Paul wants to head further west into the heart of what is now modern Turkey to continue preaching the gospel and planting churches . But they were " forbidden by the Holy Spirit to speak the word in Asia . " So Paul directed his attention to the northwest part of that great peninsula , but " the Spirit of Jesus did not allow them . " Paul was not allowed to go where he planned to go . At this point , it is clear that Paul had no plans to cross to Europe . He was planning on staying east of the Aegean Sea in familiar territory where he knew there would be plenty of cities with large populations of Jews and synagogues to begin his mission work in . But the Holy Spirit had other plans which she did not let Paul in on at the time . After being blocked from heading into the center of Asia Minor then being blocked from going north , Paul and his company went in the only direction left to them at that point : northwest to the city of Troas , which was a port city on the Aegean Sea , where he could only sit and wait until the Spirit let him in on what she was up to . Honestly , we don 't know how long that took . As usual the author of Acts makes it all sound like it happened immediately and instantaneously . But did it ? How long did it take to travel from the central northern part of Turkey to Troas ? How many days or weeks were between the Holy Spirit barring Paul 's way and the dream of the Macedonian ? How many days or weeks did Paul wonder what was going on and what the Spirit 's agenda was ? We don 't know . And I doubt it was as easy or smooth sailing as Acts makes it sound . We 've all read enough of Paul 's letters to know he wasn 't always the most patient person . But Paul did reign in his impatience and waited in Troas until the Holy Spirit revealed where she wanted him to go . To Paul 's credit , it didn 't matter that going to Europe hadn 't been on his radar earlier . Once the Spirit put it on his radar he found a boat , hopped on board and headed to Europe . When Paul gets to Europe guess what he doesn 't find at Philippi ? A large population of Jews and a synagogue . After spending a few days in the city on the Sabbath Paul , Silas and Timothy head to the river , hoping they will find a group meeting in prayer there so they can begin their mission work in the city . As we know they did find a group of women praying by the river , including a successful business woman Lydia . God opened Lydia 's heart and after she and her household were baptized she compelled Paul and his team to stay at her house . I actually love William Barnstone 's translation : " She made us go . " This was only the beginning of Paul 's adventures in Philippi . So let 's take a minute and recap . The Holy Spirit leads Paul to Philippi by blocking him from going anywhere else . Then when he gets to Philippi , he doesn 't find any Jews just a group of female Gentile proselytes praying by the river . Then he winds up being beaten and thrown into prison , although he 's a Roman citizen and citizens aren 't supposed to be beaten or flogged , or imprisoned without a trial . He 's probably once again thinking what is up with the Holy Spirit ? She led him to Europe for this ? Don 't worry : the Spirit doesn 't leave Paul and Silas in prison . That night while the duo are praying and singing hymns she sends an earthquake that opens the jail cells and makes the shackles fall off everyone 's feet . The jailer is about to kill himself because he thinks everyone escaped when Paul tells him to stop . All of the prisoners are still in their cells . Apparently the jailer had been listening to Paul and Silas ' prayers and hymns because he wants to know how to be saved . Paul tells him to " believe on the Lord Jesus Christ , and you will be saved . " The jailer is saved then proceeds that night to have Paul and Silas baptize not only him , but also his household . By the end of Paul 's stay in Philippi two households have been converted , and we find out that " after leaving the prison they went to Lydia 's home : and when they had seen and encouraged the brothers and sisters there , they departed . " Lydia 's home hosted the first church in Europe . Yes , I have to point out that the first pastor or head of a church in Europe was a woman . Although Philippi 's beginnings are small , they do not stay that way . We find out from the letter to the Philippians that the church grows and flourishes there . The churches in Philippi become patrons of Paul and help moneterily and with gifts in his missionary work . The churches in Philippi were one of the few churches Paul accepted resources from , and I always wonder if he had a soft spot in his heart for the first church in Europe . ( Not to mention Lydia probably made him take all the help the church could muster anyway . ) Circling back to the beginning of this sermon with the Universe wants to give you whatever you want wishful thinking . That may be true of the universe , but it 's not true for God . God tells us no . The Holy Spirit sometimes even physically , emotionally or mentally blocks our way and herds us in the direction she wants us to go . Because God doesn 't necessarily want we what think is best for us . Or even what God knows is best for us . God is also thinking about what is best for everyone . The Holy Spirit is not only thinking of what is best for our own personal lives but also what is best for the people we are going to meet on any given day . The Holy Spirit 's purpose is to bring all of creation back into relationship with God , and this is why we as Christians cannot buy into the wishful thinking that doors are simply going to open for us because we want them to . They won 't . In fact , the Spirit may slam some of those doors in our face because she knows it 's not what best for us or for the world we live in . She 's going to direct us down those paths that not only do what is best for us in our personal relationships with God , but what 's also best for those we meet and their personal relationships with God . This means things may not always go our way . We may not always get what we want . And we may have to spend a lot of time in Troas waiting for her to tell us where she wants us to go and what she wants us to do . That is why the lectionary has no business cutting those two verses out of this particular reading . Doors will close . Roads will be blocked . God will tell us no . Like Paul we may be herded to a place where we have to sit and wait until the time is right for us to act on God 's behalf in our world , trusting the Spirit to lead us to those people and places that need her healing and reconciling love the most . By that night I had been following him for a long time . I started following him in Galilee . I saw all of his miracles , heard his teaching . I knew who Jesus was . And God had been telling me to do something . Something I knew women didn 't do - or just any man for that matter . This was a job for prophets and priests . But not common people and definitely not a woman . I told God this . I reminded him of his own actions in the past . And then passages from Isaiah came streaming through my mind : " Behold I am doing a new thing - things you could not even dream of - I will make ways where there are no ways . What I 'm doing is new . No one has ever seen it before . " At some point Jesus started talking about what would happen in Jerusalem . How he would be betrayed and handed over to the religious authorities . How he would be crucified , and die . Then somehow how three days later rise . " This dying and rising stuff must be more of his riddles . People will die , so we can raise him up to power . To be our King ! " " But he says we should love our enemies - that 's the Romans , you know ? What if he really does get himself killed in Jerusalem ? What then ? " And it went on and on and on . Be glad those who wrote your gospels cut so much of their bickering and fighting out . Oy Vey they could go on forever . [ PAUSE ] But then the gospellers were good at editing their stories to suit their communities and what they thought was proper . That 's what they did to me . My deed will always be remembered . But not my name . And the reason for my action was changed to suit what a woman could do . Not what I did . Now I understand my story has come down to you in several stories and is confusing . Different women . Different times in the story . Different reasons . Luke even watered my act down to a penitent sinner thanking Jesus for forgiving her many sins . He removed it entirely from the Passover and Passion all together . At least John put it a week before Jesus ' death and resurrection , but then he had Mary of Bethany anointing Jesus ' feet for a whole other reason . But , you see , I didn 't anoint Jesus ' feet . I didn 't do the womanly thing - anoint him for his burial . That was women 's work back then - anointing a body for burial . Anyone who touched a corpse was considered unclean . We women were unclean for a whole week during our periods , so what 's a few more unclean days to us ? It was the night before the Passover , two days before the Crucifixion . Tensions were running high all around Jerusalem as they always did during Passover . There were Roman soldiers everywhere to squelch any uprisings or rebellions that might start . We already drawn their attention with Jesus ' entry into Jerusalem . There had been crowds of people cheering Jesus as he rode into the city . They called him the King of the Jews and Messiah . Then there was the fracas in the temple . Jesus ' prophecies of Jerusalem and the Temple being destroyed didn 't sit very well with anyone either . The religious leaders were trying to catch him in his words , trying to find a way to arrest him without making the crowds go crazier than they already were . The Twelve were bickering about who was the greatest , who would sit at his right and left hands when Jesus ruled . It wasn 't hard to see where all of this was leading . And I knew . I knew when Jesus said he was here to die , he meant it . I knew it in my bones . But I also knew what God commanded me to do . Jesus was the Messiah , the King of the Jews . And a king must be anointed . That night , the night before we celebrated the Passover in the Upper Room , God 's command came . We were at the house of Simon the Leper . I quietly left the feast and went to my things . I retrieved the alabaster jar that had weighed so heavily on me the last few weeks . I returned to the banquet and walked to where Jesus reclined . I stood behind him , raised the bottle , broke its seal and let the oil pour over Jesus ' head . It ran through his hair , down his face , and it rolled through his beard . His shoulders were drenched from the nard . The smell filled the room . He was anointed : Jesus : The King ! Jesus : The Messiah ! No ! " Judas jumped into the fray . " The anointing means nothing if a prophet or priest has not done it ! We have to take Jerusalem first . Then Caiaphas will have to anoint Jesus as King of the Jews ! It is time to fight ! " Judas yelled , pulling out his dagger and raising it in the air . " Enough , " said Jesus . His authoritative voice rising above all of their yelling . " Leave her alone ! Why are you troubling her ? She has proclaimed the truth ! She has done a good deed for me . Wherever the Good News is preached in the whole world , what she had done will be told in memory of her . " Judas put that thing away . Whoever lives by the sword dies by the sword . Have I not taught you to love your enemies and pray for them ? Have you learned nothing in these last three years , any of you ? " Silence reigned in the room once again . The Twelve were horrified Jesus allowed a woman to anoint him King after his triumphant entry into Jerusalem and the cleansing of the Temple . Judas was seething . I could see him grinding his teeth to keep from saying anything . People began to pick at their food , no one quite looking at another . None of them saw that there would be no triumphant overthrow or Messianic reign . None of them saw Jesus ' way , his way of reigning , was going to lead to very different places than what they were imagining . All they could do was fight about who should have anointed Jesus king . I 'm not sure when changes were made to my story . Changes like me anointing his feet as well as his head then just his feet . I don 't know when the anointing became just about his burial and not his kingship . I don 't know when or why the anointing story got moved first a week before the Passover then a few days before that . I don 't know when Mary of Bethany became the anointer . I don 't know when the argument became about the waste of money and not that a woman anointed Jesus as King of the Jews . Although I 'm sure that 's the first part of the story that was changed . Then there 's Luke . Luke moved it entirely out of the Passion narrative and Jerusalem . His anointing takes place it in Galilee . There the woman who anointed Jesus was a sinner , nudge nudge , wink wink , a whore , and the anointing of the King was lost entirely . For the record : I was never a whore . I was one of those women of means like Mary Magdalene and Joanna who followed Jesus in Galilee and then onto Jerusalem . I was one of Jesus ' disciples . I heard his teaching . I saw his miracles . And I saw things the Twelve didn 't see because they ran away . I saw his trial . I saw Jesus crucified . I watched him take his final breath . I stood vigil with his mother and Mary Magdalene and Salome , as we watched Joseph and Nicodemus lay him in the tomb . We held that vigil for hours until the Roman soldiers made us leave . " Where ever the Good News is preached - in all the world - this story will be told in remembrance of her . " In memory of me . I know it 's a bit ironic my name was forgotten . But does it matter ? No , it doesn 't . Because all of us are anointers . All of us in our daily lives anoint Jesus as king . When we help someone , when say kind words , when we love our neighbor we anoint Jesus as king . In a small act of giving change to a homeless man or a large act like marching through our city holding vigil against the violence in our city , we anoint Jesus as king . All of us by our lives , our words , and our acts of love anoint Jesus as King and Messiah . This story is told in memory of us . February 1 is the feast day of St . Brigid of Kildare . Brigid is one of my favorite saints . The primary reason she is one of my favorites is because we can 't separate history from legend when it comes to her story . She 's part woman , part saint , and part goddess . Throw in a few miracles and Brigid time traveling to be Mary 's midwife and the foster - mother of Christ , himself , and you just have one good story ( and I love a good story ) . Here is what we do know about Brigid : she created the first monastic community that grew into the most renowned monastic city in Ireland , Kildare . Brigid was the abbess of the convent and church and the leader of the town that grew up around Kildare . She was known for her piety , her hard work , and her hospitality . She worked side by side with her nuns tending sheep and milking cows , along with weaving and cooking . Gifts given to the monastery by the rich were given to the poor or sold for food . No one was turned away from her convent , and she provided for all . One of the legends say that Brigid could speak to a cow and get her to give milk three times a day when she needed it for visitors . Here is a table grace attributed to Brigid : Kildare grew so big that Brigid could no longer run it alone . A local bishop , Cloneth came to the monastery to help her and he brought monks with him . The monks were master silver and bronze smiths who created beautiful silver and metal ornaments to go with the nuns ' woven and embroidered tapestries throughout the monastery and church . One of her biographers , a monk who lived at Kildare during Brigid 's life , said this about the monastery and town : But who could convey in words the supreme beauty of her church and the countless wonders of her city , of which we speak ? " City " is the right word for it : that so many people are living there justifies the title . It is a great metropolis , within whose outskirts - which Saint Brigid marked out with a clearly defined boundary - no earthly adversary feared , nor any incursion of enemies . For the city is the safest place of refuge among all towns of the whole land of the Irish , with all their fugitives . It is a place where the treasures of kings are looked after , and it is reckoned to be supreme in good order . Cogitosus also hinted in his biography that Brigid functioned as a bishop preaching , hearing confession , and ordaining priests . The lines between laity and clergy , and the roles between men and women , were not as fixed in Ireland as they were in other places in Europe . It is possible that abbesses as powerful and influential as Brigid did function as bishops ( this would quickly change once the Roman Catholic church gained a foothold in Ireland ) . Now it 's time for the fun stuff . As I mentioned before , the Celtic tradition honors Brigid as Mary 's midwife , Jesus ' wet nurse , and his foster - mother . " Time " was not a fixed , linear progression for the Celtic people . The material world and spiritual world intertwined in and out of each other . There were thin places were one could cross from one world to another with time running differently . This is why the legend of Brigid at the birth of Jesus was entirely believable for the Celts . The material and spiritual were not separate worlds in their thought . I also like this legend because , being the post - modern that I am , I like the idea of putting yourself into the story . Where am I in the grand story of God 's people ? How is this story , my story ? How is my story now becoming a part of the whole story ? Brigid went on to become the spiritual mid - wife to Celtic women giving birth , and the midwife called Brigid into the house to assist in the birth . Back before the stories of Brigid helping Mary and hanging her cloak on a sunbeam to dry out , Brigid was a goddess in the Celtic pantheon . She was the goddess of poets , blacksmiths , and healers . She was a triple goddess revealing herself as maiden , mother , and crone . The fair maiden to poets , the mother creating new life to blacksmiths , and the old wise woman who knows how to heal . She has long been the symbol of spring coming to the land and the arrival of more light during this time of the year . February 1 is her day , and she was called on to protect the sheep who at this time would be carrying lambs . In the Christian tradition she is remembered for being able to coax cows into milking , and for being able to churn butter for everyone who needed it . Milking cows and churning butter brings us back into the everyday realm . There is a strong domestic atmosphere in the stories of St . Brigid . Brigid 's life revolves around the home : giving away food to the poor , churning butter to feed all those who lived in the area , sweeping the floor , sewing , and herding both cattle and sheep . She kept her monastery in good order for visitors . Her love for domesticity naturally led to her generous hospitality . There was always food , clothing , and a bed in her house for those who needed it . Like so many women , Brigid wanted a well - run house where her family ( her nuns ) would have a nice home , and those who visited would find refuge . I am surprised at how domestic I 've become in the last few years . I 've realized I 'm becoming more like Brigid . I want a clean , orderly house that can be a home and refuge for my husband and I . I also want to extend hospitality to our friends and give them a place to come eat , drink , and be merry . I want them to find a refuge for awhile , rest and have fun while they are under our roof . As the light comes back this spring , let us remember Brigid : a woman committed to her God , to helping the poor , and to taking care of all who came to her . She established a community that became a light to all who wanted to come pray , learn , work , or needed shelter and food . She believed that everyone was part of the realm of God , and for that reason alone should be treated with respect and cared for . Everyone should have a home they can come to . There is room at the table for all . There is enough food to go around . And if not , Brigid will be seen whispering in the ears of her milk cows . Everliving God , we rejoice today in the witness of your servant Brigid of Kildare , who served as courageous leader and mentor , faithfully shepherding both men and women in her monastery and guiding them into holiness of life : Inspire us with life and light , and give us perseverance to serve you in our own day . This we ask in the name of the Holy and Undivided Trinity , one God , in glory everlasting . Amen . ( From The Saint Helena Breviary , Personal Edition , 281 ) . We hear a lot about the Magi 's journey to Bethlehem . We hear about their side trip to Jerusalem and Herod 's palace . We hear how the scribes were consulted and the Magi sent on their way to Bethlehem . We hear about Herod 's lie . And if we hear a lot about that part of the story , it 's nothing compared to what happens next . The Magi finally make it to the king of the Jews : a toddler in his parent 's house with his mother in a small town far enough away from Jerusalem to be considered rural . Once there they bow down and worship him , lavish the child with frankincense , gold and myrrh , then start on their long journey home . Only to be warned in a dream not to return to Herod , but to find another way home . Yes , you heard me correctly . I did say the Magi found Jesus at home in Bethlehem and not in a stable . That 's because in Matthew there is no stable , there 's also no manger or shepherds . We 've become used to the two very different nativity stories in Matthew and Luke being scrunched together and made to play nice with each other . We are used to Luke 's account of the events : Mary and Joseph start out in Nazareth , travel to Bethlehem for a census , where Jesus is born in a stable because there 's no room in the inn . An angelic host proclaim his birth to shepherds who then come into Bethlehem to see the sight for themselves . In our modern nativity story the Magi then are tacked on to the ending of Luke 's story in the stable . But that 's not how Jesus ' birth happens in Matthew or where the Magi show up in his story . In Matthew Mary and Joseph live in Bethlehem . In Matthew 's telling the angel appears to Joseph and not Mary because Joseph has decided to quietly divorce her after discovering she is pregnant . The angel reassures Joseph that Mary is pregnant by the Holy Spirit , this is God 's will , and Joseph is to name the baby Jesus . Joseph listens to God , marries Mary , and Jesus is born at home . Then some time within the next two years three strangers from the East show up in Jerusalem wanting to know where to find the King of the Jews who had been born within the last two years when the Magi saw his star in the sky . Herod freaks out and of course Jerusalem freaks out with him , because this is Herod . He 's killed a lot of people including his " favorite " wife and their two sons to safeguard his throne . So he plans on sending the Magi on their way then have them report back to him so he can take care of this new threat to his throne . The Magi once again set out and follow the star to Bethlehem . Matthew tells us that " on entering the house , they saw the child with Mary his mother ; and they knelt down and paid him homage . " I 'm assuming the reason Joseph isn 't here is because he was working . Poor guy . After all of his obedience , he missed out on the three strangers showing up from a country far to the east and showering his toddler with gifts . And these weren 't the typical baby shower presents either . No , they bring gold , frankincense and myrrh - gifts fit for kings and priests . There are times I hate what biblical stories leave out . What did they talk about ? What did these astrologers and scholars talk about with Mary ? Given Middle Eastern hospitality rules , what did Mary give them to eat and drink before they started back on their way to Jerusalem ? Wouldn 't you like to be a fly on the wall for that meal and its conversation ? What did the neighbors think of Mary entertaining these strangers while Joseph was out building something ? We 'll never know . And once again the biblical account leaves us in the dark . I 've always wondered what happened to the Magi after they left . What happened after they received the message to return to their country by another road ? How did they feel once the star rose back into the night sky and angelic visions disappeared from their dreams ? How did they feel about the long journey home without the beacon they had followed for perhaps months , if not years ? What did they do once they got home . Jan Richardson deals with some of these questions in her poem , " Blessing of the Magi . " Where the Magi found themselves is where all of us find ourselves eventually , including Mary and Joseph . After the Magi leave Joseph once again dreams of an angel who tells him about Herod 's plan to murder Jesus . He , Mary and Jesus leave for Egypt . A few years later angelic dreams will lead them back to Judea then onto Nazareth in Galilee . Once in Nazareth , visits from angels and strangers from afar will cease . And Mary and Joseph will settle into ordinary village life and raise their family . This is the question I pose for this Epiphany : what do we do when the miraculous has gone ? We 've lived the Christmas story : angels have come , stars have shined , and treasures have been given . What do we do now when the dreams and the visions cease ? What do we do once angels move onto other assignments ? Where do we decide to travel when the star disappears ? Like the Magi on their way home " we will set out in fear / we will set out in dream / but we will set out . " But we don 't set out alone . In the coming weeks our Scripture Readings will be signposts for our journey . We will remember our own baptismal vows as we remember Christ 's baptism this Sunday . The wedding at Cana will remind us that celebrating is important on the way . In Paul 's first letter to the Corinthians we will be reminded that all of us have spiritual gifts to use to build up each other and to build God 's kingdom in our world . And Jesus will remind us of what the heart of his ministry , and therefore our ministry , is : " to bring good news to the poor … to proclaim release to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind , to let the oppressed go free , to proclaim the year of God 's favour . ' " And I am using the pronoun " we " very intentionally . We also don 't set out alone because we set out together . Together we will walk into the new year with our Scriptural sign posts as we continue figuring out how to be a spiritual outpost in the South Loop . Yes , the light of the star is gone , but , like the Magi of Jan 's poem , we too will be surprised to see that the light we left behind is now " spilling from our empty hands , / shimmering beneath our homeward feet , / illuminating the road / with every step / we take . " Yes the star is gone , and now instead of following a light , we become the light ourselves to shine into our world and show others the way home . Published by Shawna on February 1 , 2016 | Permalink Chicago Writers Conference This Weekend Fellow Chicago writers , I will be attending the Chicago Writers Conference this weekend . If you want to get together , text me at 312 . 933 . 3599 . I 'd loved to meet up with you ! Ah , the Proverbs 31 woman , let me count the ways I hate thee . I grew up hearing about this woman every Mother 's Day . How she was a good and submissive wife who obeyed her husband and took care of her kids and was happy with her life in the home . If you come from a conservative or fundamentalist Christian background like I did , you know what I 'm talking about . Every single Mother 's Day the male pastor brushes off this passage and preaches how a good Christian woman ought to act . She 's the best wife , mother , and homekeeper of them all . She eschews the public sector to take care of her home and family . She keeps her house clean , obeys her husband and submits to him . She is a wonderful mother , and gets the meals on the table on time . She 's SuperWifeMom . By the time I hit my teens I was groaning and tuning the pastor out . By the time I hit my early 30s , I was single , not too sure if I wanted to get married , and I knew I didn 't want do the whole kids thing . I stopped going to church on Mother 's Day . If there was one Saturday I conveniently forgot to set my alarm clock and not make it to church , without feeling guilty about it , it was Mother 's Day . Unfortunately for the conservative evangelical background I grew up with , it was beat into my head that every good Christian reads the Bible for herself . She sees what is there , so she won 't fall into error . This backfired where I am concerned . I did read my Bible . I wanted to know what it said , and how I should act . And I noticed something . I noticed that what I heard all those years about the Proverbs 31 woman was not all of the story . In fact most of what I heard wasn 't even in the story ! This woman was not restricted to her home and family . I got to know an entirely different women when I read her story for myself . This woman is a household manager , industrious , produces and sells textiles , brings in income for the family , oversees planting of a vineyard and uses her own money to set it up . She has servants she oversees , she gives to the poor , and her household is a small business that provides for her family , and her husband is praised for it . This is not the picture of the stay - at - home mother that is normally depicted in sermons . She works both inside and outside of her home . In the Bible , the term wife encodes a set of productive and managerial tasks that , along with a woman 's reproductive role , were essential to the existence of the Israelite household . There is no equivalent understanding of " wife " as a social category in the modern West , where women 's household work does not usually contribute to the family economy and tends to be ignored , trivialized , minimized , or otherwise degraded . The often insulting idea of " just a wife and mother " would have had no meaning in the biblical world . Or as Rabbi Rosenfeld said at the beginning of his lecture on Proverbs 31 : " First of all , let 's get one thing straight . Women have ALWAYS worked outside the home , and EVERY mother is a ' working mother ! " Women 's work was necessary for the survival of the family , and she generated income for the family . Textiles - the spinning , weaving , and making of fabric goods - drove the ancient economy for 20 , 000 years . Women 's work was the backbone of the ancient economy and the ancient household . And I will love Deirdre McCloskey forever for pointing that out to me . So this woman was much more than the imaginary 50s housewife some segments of Christianity hold up as the good Christian wife . I 'm not hating her as much . Then I discovered something about her this week that I never knew , and I may just be darn close to falling in love with her . While reading up on this passage one of the writers pointed out that this poem is filled with military imagery . In fact the word translated as capable in " a capable wife who can find ? " is hayil . When it 's used for a man it 's translated as " strong " or " mighty , " and it 's normally used in the context of war . It also means the power that is able to acquire strength through gaining money and raising an army . Right off the bat , we are told this is a strong woman who knows how to get things done . In verse 16 she " considers a field and buys it . " Here the word " buy " may not the best translation of the Hebrew . Literally , she " takes " the field , and this word is normally used of an army taking a city or a region . It means to conquer and subdue a territory . This verse shows the woman looking at a wild field and figuring out how to tame it and subdue it into a vineyard . In the Judean highlands turning a plot of land into a vineyard took a massive amount of work . The soil was rocky , and all of the rocks had to be removed , then the land terraced , and the rocks built into a wall , so that the vineyard didn 't wash down the hillside at the first good rain . It also had to be terraced to make sure that enough water stayed in the vineyard so the vines could grow . Like a general this woman surveys her battlefield and plans her attack . Anyone who has ever gardened knows this is not an over - exaggeration . Verse 17 has the most obvious military language : " she girds herself with strength , and makes her arms strong " or in the good old King James Version , she " girded up her loins . " Men normally girded up their loins in the Bible for a heroic deed ; a deed that involved fighting . Having a strong arm is another Biblical metaphor for being battle ready . The end of the poem comes back to where we began with the word hayil . In verse 29 the woman 's husband tells her : " Many women have done excellently , but you surpass them all . " Here hayil is translated as " done excellently . " The woman has done deeds of strength and power that again refer to warfare and gaining wealth . " Surpass them all " is another idiom for military activity - as in the army met the enemy and bested them . So we see that this woman is not only pictured as a manager , entrepreneur , and merchant , she is also pictured as a military leader . There is nothing submissive or docile about this woman . She makes textiles , buys , sells , and fights for her family 's survival and good . And yes , she still sounds like SuperWoman . But there is a reason for that . Just as this woman is not the fictional housewife of the 50s , she is also not just a woman either . I 've always wondered why Proverbs 31 ended with this poem about this woman . So have others . It seems odd . And after all the focus on wisdom and gaining it , why does this book end with a woman going about her mundane daily activities ? Part of the answer to this is how the Jewish sages defined wisdom . Wisdom was not just knowledge gained for knowledge 's sake . Wisdom was knowledge that was to be applied to everyday life . In the Bible God created the world and set boundaries and laws to govern what she created . Wisdom sought to define those boundaries and apply those laws to their daily lives . This woman is living wisdom . But there is another reason why this book ends with a woman . It began with one . At the end of Proverbs 1 we are introduced to Dame Wisdom . We find out that Wisdom was with God when God created the heavens and earth . In fact , She was the master designer and architect of creation . She watched God bring order out of chaos . She rejoiced in creation , and calls out in the public square and city gates for men and women to follow her . She wants us to learn Her ways , so that She can give us good lives . She builds a house , prepares a feast , then goes out again to call everyone to come into Her house , eat Her feast , and learn Her ways . She continues to create and bring order to the world . After the tabernacle and temple are finished in the Hebrew Scriptures , there are huge feasts for all the people to celebrate . Wisdom does the same . She builds Her house then invites everyone over to celebrate . The last thing we hear about in Proverbs 9 is Dame Wisdom . And the last thing we hear about in the book of Proverbs is the Wise Woman in the 31st chapter . The reason Proverbs ends with this woman is that it is showing us Dame Wisdom in action . This woman does everything Wisdom does in earlier chapters : she creates , brings order to chaos , feeds and clothes her family , and takes care of the poor . She doesn 't just live wisely , she is Wisdom Incarnate . These verses do not describe what the typical woman of that day is like . They are showing us Wisdom hard at work in the everyday world . She shows us what we are called to do . Just like Dame Wisdom and the Wise Woman of Proverbs 31 we are called to live wisely in our everyday , mundane lives . We are called to learn what God wants , where our boundaries are and live by that everyday . For ancient Israel the boundary was there is only one God , YHWH , and YHWH alone will you worship and obey . For us as Christians our boundary is to love God with all our heart , soul , strength , and mind and to love our neighbor as ourselves . That is our boundary . Day by day we have to figure out how to live that love at home , at work , in the store , on the sidewalk , and at church . Within the boundary of that love , we are called to create , to order the chaos around us , to build God 's realm and to celebrate God 's reign here on earth . Or as Elizabeth Barrett Browning put it : Our call is to see God in our world and then live what we see . When we follow Wisdom and listen to Her , our eyes will be opened , and we will see the holy in everything . When we see the holy all around us then we will know how to live our own lives and show that holiness , God 's love , to others .
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Water . Life is dependent on it . In biblical times this meant wells and springs were life . And life was dependent on them . Women were the ones who drew water . They were at wells … a lot . Women not only drew water for their households . They also herded animals mostly sheep , to the wells to water them . Jan Richardson notes this about women and wells : In God 's lexicon of water , wells have a particularly interesting place . Women at wells : more intriguing still . See a woman near a well , something momentous is bound to happen . It usually involves a person of the male persuasion , and it augurs a major change in the woman 's life . Genesis gives us a rich trinity of woman - at - the - well stories . In Genesis 21 , God provides a well to a desperate Hagar and her son Ishmael , who lies near death in a waterless wilderness . Genesis 24 tells of a servant who finds Rebekah , Isaac 's bride - to - be , at a well . Another well serves as a signal of matrimony in Genesis 29 , when Jacob meets Rachel at the well where she waters her father 's sheep . The matrimonial symbolism of wells finds a striking resonance in the Song of Songs … . Particularly given the intimate , fertile link between women , wells , marriage , and motherhood , one might rightly wonder what the heck Jesus is doing , hanging out by a well with a lone woman , as he does in this week 's Gospel lection , John 4 . 1 - 42 . I 's a curious thing for a single rabbi to strike up a conversation with a woman he finds at a well . But Jesus is a curious sort of rabbi , and so he wades into an exchange with a Samaritan woman who has come to draw her water at noonday . Although wells have matrimonial links , two women did not meet husbands at wells : they met God . Richardson notes one of those times in Genesis 21 . But Genesis 21 isn 't the first time Hagar had a rendezvous with God at a well or spring , our reading from Genesis 16 is . Hagar was the first woman to meet God at a well . She was Sarah 's Egyptian slave . She had no say over what happened in her life or her own body . Sarah , desperate for a child , gave Hagar to Abraham as his concubine . After she became pregnant , Hagar may have thought Abraham would make her his second wife . After all , she was the one who would give him his long awaited heir , not Sarah . Hagar apparently started looking down on Sarah . Sarah complained to Abraham that Hagar looked at her with contempt . Abraham said Hagar was her slave , and she could do whatever she wanted to rein Hagar in . Sarah started treating Hagar harshly . Hagar ran away from Abraham and Sarah and ran into God . God simply wants to know why Hagar is at the spring , and she tells God : she is running away from Sarah . God instructs her to go back and promises her that she will multiply Hagar 's offspring , so that they cannot be counted . God also instructs her to name her son Ishmael , for God has heard her affliction . God extends the covenant promise to Hagar and her son . Hagar is the first woman , and the first person , in the Bible to name God . She calls God , the One who sees . God has seen her pain and affliction , and she has seen God . Hagar goes back and bears Ishmael . She remains in slavery to Sarah until 14 years later , after Isaac is born and weaned . Sarah wants no competition for her son and has Abraham send Hagar and Ishmael away . In the desert with no food and water , Hagar once again sees God , who reveals a well to her . God reassures her of the promise before Ishmael was born : he will grow into a great nation . Published by Shawna on March 30 , 2017 | Permalink Housecleaning This site is now back up and running . It was hacked last fall , and as it is more or less an archive of my religious writing , fixing it wasn 't high up on the priority list . But my wonderful webmaster husband took yesterday to get it back up and running . He 's not sure if everything came through . I went through and approved comments that had been left since last September . So first my apologies for taking so long to get your comments moderated . Until yesterday I was locked out of my own site . Second if you notice your comment didn 't get approved , please let me know . It might have got lost in the wipe and restore The Hubby had to do to get the site back up and running . Published by Shawna on March 27 , 2017 | Permalink Book Review : Sex Difference in Christian Theology Last year I wrote a review of Megan Defranza 's Sex Difference in Christian Theology : Male , Female , and Intersex in the Image of God , sent it to the editor of the Englewood Review of Books then promptly forgot about it . When I was hunting through my bookshelves over the weekend , I came across the book and wondered if the review had been published . It had : in January . I 'm a little behind the curve on this one , but here it is . Sex Difference in Christain Theology is a much needed theological reflection on what it means to be made in the image of God , and that male and female do not have to be the binary straightjacket of what it means to be fully human . There are gray areas of sex , gender , and sexuality in our world , and our theology needs to reflect those areas to be faithful to how all of us are created in the image of God and image God in this world . DeFranza has provided a good biblical and theological foundation for this work . I will never forgive Luke for not recording Martha 's response to what Jesus said . I 'm sure she had one . And I 'm just as sure that her response wasn 't submissive , subservient , or even polite . In fact , I imagine her saying " Fine , Mary can stay put . You can help me feed all of these men you 've dragged into my house , " and dragging Jesus off to the kitchen . During its infancy years the church met in members ' homes . In order for there to be enough room for the church to meet , the home had to be a decent size , which meant the owners of these homes had money . They were rich . We see this with Lydia : she was a merchant , and had her own household with slaves . She was a rich businesswoman . In Luke 10 Martha is preparing a meal for Jesus and his 12 disciples , minimum . Remember normally more than just the 12 were traveling with Jesus . In order to accommodate this many people Martha , Mary , and Lazarus had to be rich . Martha was used to running a large house . What did a rich woman running her household look like ? What did she do ? What were her duties ? Socrates gives us a glimpse of what duties Roman matrons , like Martha , performed in their home in his book Economics : " Supervision of all comings and goings in the house , protection and distribution of supplies , supervision of weaving and food production , care of sick slaves , instruction [ of ] slaves in household skills , rewarding and punishing slaves , in short independent management of an entire household ( 7 . 36 - 43 ) . She is to be the guardian of its laws , like a military commander , a city councilor , or a queen … " ( A Woman 's Place , 146 ) . Matrons like Martha were powerful women . She was not only responsible for everything that went on in her home and estate , she also set an example by working with her servants and slaves . Matrons spun wool and flax , wove , and prepared food . In Greek and Roman literature writers and poets pictured the ideal Roman matron as one who wove cloth and clothed her family with her own hands . It means the members of the churches that met during the time of the New Testament would not have thought twice about women being leaders in their services . Osiek and MacDonald also point out that it would not be unusual for a woman to preside over the love feast and communion during this time because meals fell under the domain of the woman in the house . It would not be unusual for the matron of the house to preside over the meal . There are also women like Mary , Nympha , Lydia , and Chloe who are not linked with husbands , which meant they hosted the love feasts in their homes and presided over communion . According to Osiek and MacDonald " Women were expected to independently manage their households , with or without a husband . Therefore , to step into a Christian house church was to step into women 's world " ( p . 163 ) . In the Christian tradition Martha started it . Martha hosted the first church in her home . Jesus and however many disciples were following him at that time found shelter and food in Martha 's home . Jesus taught in her home , and he ate in her home . Martha was the first hostess of the church . There is one more thing about Martha that gets overlooked . For that we have to jump over to John 11 . In John we again meet Martha , and she is not happy . She had sent a message to Jesus that her brother Lazarus was sick , and asked him to come and heal him . Jesus waited until Lazarus was dead before he set off for Bethany . Martha met Jesus on the road and accused him of letting Lazarus die . But in her anger and grief , she still believed that God would do what Jesus asked . When Jesus asked her if she believed that he was the resurrection and life her answer was : " Lord , I believe that you are the Messiah , the Son of God , the one coming into the world " ( John 11 : 27 ) . In John Martha made the confession that Jesus was the Messiah , the Son of God , not Peter . In John , Martha 's confession is the rock the church is built on . So my question is this : Pope Martha anyone ? In John God revealed to Martha what flesh and blood had not , and she is indeed blessed for proclaiming the faith that is the rock on which the church is built . Not only did Martha make that confession of faith , but her home became a meeting place for the early church . Not all apostles and " popes " traveled to proclaim Christ crucified and risen , some of them stayed put and offered the hospitality and protection of their homes for the beginning Christian movement . The early church depended on matrons , like Martha , to provide an organized , well - run home for them to meet in . It was the matron who made sure the meal was ready and presided over the meal and all that happened during it . Jesus may have discounted Martha 's worries over the meal . May be Martha did allow herself to be distracted by too many things . But the early church gives a different testimony about Martha , her duties , and her worries . Without women like Martha efficiently running large , rich households there would be no church . [ Paul , Silas , and Timothy ] went through the region of Phrygia and Galatia , having been forbidden by the Holy Spirit to speak the word in Asia . When they had come opposite Mysia , they attempted to go into Bithynia , but the Spirit of Jesus did not allow them ; so , passing by Mysia , they went down to Troas . During the night Paul had a vision : there stood a man of Macedonia pleading with him and saying , " Come over to Macedonia and help us . " When he had seen the vision , we immediately tried to cross over to Macedonia , being convinced that God had called us to proclaim the good news to them . We set sail from Troas and took a straight course to Samothrace , the following day to Neapolis , and from there to Philippi , which is a leading city of the district of Macedonia and a Roman colony . We remained in this city for some days . On the sabbath day we went outside the gate by the river , where we supposed there was a place of prayer ; and we sat down and spoke to the women who had gathered there . A certain woman named Lydia , a worshiper of God , was listening to us ; she was from the city of Thyatira and a dealer in purple cloth . The Lord opened her heart to listen eagerly to what was said by Paul . When she and her household were baptized , she urged us , saying , " If you have judged me to be faithful to the Lord , come and stay at my home . " And she prevailed upon us ( NRSV ) . A few years ago before the real estate bubble burst a growing trend got on every last one of my nerves . It was The Secret and all of that positivity claptrap that came from it . You could only think good , positive thoughts so the Universe , God , or the Force would give you what you wanted . You just had to think the right thoughts and send out all the good juju you could muster for everything to work out the way you thought it should . As I 'm sure you can guess : I did not jump onto that particular bandwagon . But this idea has persisted for some time in Christianity : that if we are in a relationship with God then everything will turn out just fine , and we 'll basically get whatever we want because : God 's will ! So it doesn 't make me happy when I see the lectionary has cherry picked a couple of verses out our Acts reading from two weeks ago to make it seem like everything was smooth sailing for Paul because he was obeying God . We heard the story of how Paul came to Philippi on the fifth Sunday after Easter . But our reading picked up when Paul was at Troas waiting for God 's leading . It cut off the verses where the Holy Spirit kept blocking Paul 's path . It also leaves out that this trip , which is called Paul 's second missionary journey , didn 't have such a wonderful start . Before Paul sets off he and Barnabas have a disagreement over who take with them on this journey . On the first missionary journey they embarked on , Barnabas ' cousin John Mark had went with them , but half way through the trip he returned home . Barnabas wanted to bring him again , but Paul didn 't want John Mark on this trip , since he didn 't finish the last trip with them . The two parted ways . Barnabas and Mark went to Cyprus , and Paul took Silas with him and heading out to check on the churches he and Barnabas had planted on their first trip . So this trip starts out shaky to begin with : our superhero missionary duo splits up over personnel issues . Paul and Silas begin their trip and visit churches in the cities of Derbe and Lystra where they pick up Timothy . Then Paul wants to head further west into the heart of what is now modern Turkey to continue preaching the gospel and planting churches . But they were " forbidden by the Holy Spirit to speak the word in Asia . " So Paul directed his attention to the northwest part of that great peninsula , but " the Spirit of Jesus did not allow them . " Paul was not allowed to go where he planned to go . At this point , it is clear that Paul had no plans to cross to Europe . He was planning on staying east of the Aegean Sea in familiar territory where he knew there would be plenty of cities with large populations of Jews and synagogues to begin his mission work in . But the Holy Spirit had other plans which she did not let Paul in on at the time . After being blocked from heading into the center of Asia Minor then being blocked from going north , Paul and his company went in the only direction left to them at that point : northwest to the city of Troas , which was a port city on the Aegean Sea , where he could only sit and wait until the Spirit let him in on what she was up to . Honestly , we don 't know how long that took . As usual the author of Acts makes it all sound like it happened immediately and instantaneously . But did it ? How long did it take to travel from the central northern part of Turkey to Troas ? How many days or weeks were between the Holy Spirit barring Paul 's way and the dream of the Macedonian ? How many days or weeks did Paul wonder what was going on and what the Spirit 's agenda was ? We don 't know . And I doubt it was as easy or smooth sailing as Acts makes it sound . We 've all read enough of Paul 's letters to know he wasn 't always the most patient person . But Paul did reign in his impatience and waited in Troas until the Holy Spirit revealed where she wanted him to go . To Paul 's credit , it didn 't matter that going to Europe hadn 't been on his radar earlier . Once the Spirit put it on his radar he found a boat , hopped on board and headed to Europe . When Paul gets to Europe guess what he doesn 't find at Philippi ? A large population of Jews and a synagogue . After spending a few days in the city on the Sabbath Paul , Silas and Timothy head to the river , hoping they will find a group meeting in prayer there so they can begin their mission work in the city . As we know they did find a group of women praying by the river , including a successful business woman Lydia . God opened Lydia 's heart and after she and her household were baptized she compelled Paul and his team to stay at her house . I actually love William Barnstone 's translation : " She made us go . " This was only the beginning of Paul 's adventures in Philippi . So let 's take a minute and recap . The Holy Spirit leads Paul to Philippi by blocking him from going anywhere else . Then when he gets to Philippi , he doesn 't find any Jews just a group of female Gentile proselytes praying by the river . Then he winds up being beaten and thrown into prison , although he 's a Roman citizen and citizens aren 't supposed to be beaten or flogged , or imprisoned without a trial . He 's probably once again thinking what is up with the Holy Spirit ? She led him to Europe for this ? Don 't worry : the Spirit doesn 't leave Paul and Silas in prison . That night while the duo are praying and singing hymns she sends an earthquake that opens the jail cells and makes the shackles fall off everyone 's feet . The jailer is about to kill himself because he thinks everyone escaped when Paul tells him to stop . All of the prisoners are still in their cells . Apparently the jailer had been listening to Paul and Silas ' prayers and hymns because he wants to know how to be saved . Paul tells him to " believe on the Lord Jesus Christ , and you will be saved . " The jailer is saved then proceeds that night to have Paul and Silas baptize not only him , but also his household . By the end of Paul 's stay in Philippi two households have been converted , and we find out that " after leaving the prison they went to Lydia 's home : and when they had seen and encouraged the brothers and sisters there , they departed . " Lydia 's home hosted the first church in Europe . Yes , I have to point out that the first pastor or head of a church in Europe was a woman . Although Philippi 's beginnings are small , they do not stay that way . We find out from the letter to the Philippians that the church grows and flourishes there . The churches in Philippi become patrons of Paul and help moneterily and with gifts in his missionary work . The churches in Philippi were one of the few churches Paul accepted resources from , and I always wonder if he had a soft spot in his heart for the first church in Europe . ( Not to mention Lydia probably made him take all the help the church could muster anyway . ) Circling back to the beginning of this sermon with the Universe wants to give you whatever you want wishful thinking . That may be true of the universe , but it 's not true for God . God tells us no . The Holy Spirit sometimes even physically , emotionally or mentally blocks our way and herds us in the direction she wants us to go . Because God doesn 't necessarily want we what think is best for us . Or even what God knows is best for us . God is also thinking about what is best for everyone . The Holy Spirit is not only thinking of what is best for our own personal lives but also what is best for the people we are going to meet on any given day . The Holy Spirit 's purpose is to bring all of creation back into relationship with God , and this is why we as Christians cannot buy into the wishful thinking that doors are simply going to open for us because we want them to . They won 't . In fact , the Spirit may slam some of those doors in our face because she knows it 's not what best for us or for the world we live in . She 's going to direct us down those paths that not only do what is best for us in our personal relationships with God , but what 's also best for those we meet and their personal relationships with God . This means things may not always go our way . We may not always get what we want . And we may have to spend a lot of time in Troas waiting for her to tell us where she wants us to go and what she wants us to do . That is why the lectionary has no business cutting those two verses out of this particular reading . Doors will close . Roads will be blocked . God will tell us no . Like Paul we may be herded to a place where we have to sit and wait until the time is right for us to act on God 's behalf in our world , trusting the Spirit to lead us to those people and places that need her healing and reconciling love the most . By that night I had been following him for a long time . I started following him in Galilee . I saw all of his miracles , heard his teaching . I knew who Jesus was . And God had been telling me to do something . Something I knew women didn 't do - or just any man for that matter . This was a job for prophets and priests . But not common people and definitely not a woman . I told God this . I reminded him of his own actions in the past . And then passages from Isaiah came streaming through my mind : " Behold I am doing a new thing - things you could not even dream of - I will make ways where there are no ways . What I 'm doing is new . No one has ever seen it before . " At some point Jesus started talking about what would happen in Jerusalem . How he would be betrayed and handed over to the religious authorities . How he would be crucified , and die . Then somehow how three days later rise . " This dying and rising stuff must be more of his riddles . People will die , so we can raise him up to power . To be our King ! " " But he says we should love our enemies - that 's the Romans , you know ? What if he really does get himself killed in Jerusalem ? What then ? " And it went on and on and on . Be glad those who wrote your gospels cut so much of their bickering and fighting out . Oy Vey they could go on forever . [ PAUSE ] But then the gospellers were good at editing their stories to suit their communities and what they thought was proper . That 's what they did to me . My deed will always be remembered . But not my name . And the reason for my action was changed to suit what a woman could do . Not what I did . Now I understand my story has come down to you in several stories and is confusing . Different women . Different times in the story . Different reasons . Luke even watered my act down to a penitent sinner thanking Jesus for forgiving her many sins . He removed it entirely from the Passover and Passion all together . At least John put it a week before Jesus ' death and resurrection , but then he had Mary of Bethany anointing Jesus ' feet for a whole other reason . But , you see , I didn 't anoint Jesus ' feet . I didn 't do the womanly thing - anoint him for his burial . That was women 's work back then - anointing a body for burial . Anyone who touched a corpse was considered unclean . We women were unclean for a whole week during our periods , so what 's a few more unclean days to us ? It was the night before the Passover , two days before the Crucifixion . Tensions were running high all around Jerusalem as they always did during Passover . There were Roman soldiers everywhere to squelch any uprisings or rebellions that might start . We already drawn their attention with Jesus ' entry into Jerusalem . There had been crowds of people cheering Jesus as he rode into the city . They called him the King of the Jews and Messiah . Then there was the fracas in the temple . Jesus ' prophecies of Jerusalem and the Temple being destroyed didn 't sit very well with anyone either . The religious leaders were trying to catch him in his words , trying to find a way to arrest him without making the crowds go crazier than they already were . The Twelve were bickering about who was the greatest , who would sit at his right and left hands when Jesus ruled . It wasn 't hard to see where all of this was leading . And I knew . I knew when Jesus said he was here to die , he meant it . I knew it in my bones . But I also knew what God commanded me to do . Jesus was the Messiah , the King of the Jews . And a king must be anointed . That night , the night before we celebrated the Passover in the Upper Room , God 's command came . We were at the house of Simon the Leper . I quietly left the feast and went to my things . I retrieved the alabaster jar that had weighed so heavily on me the last few weeks . I returned to the banquet and walked to where Jesus reclined . I stood behind him , raised the bottle , broke its seal and let the oil pour over Jesus ' head . It ran through his hair , down his face , and it rolled through his beard . His shoulders were drenched from the nard . The smell filled the room . He was anointed : Jesus : The King ! Jesus : The Messiah ! No ! " Judas jumped into the fray . " The anointing means nothing if a prophet or priest has not done it ! We have to take Jerusalem first . Then Caiaphas will have to anoint Jesus as King of the Jews ! It is time to fight ! " Judas yelled , pulling out his dagger and raising it in the air . " Enough , " said Jesus . His authoritative voice rising above all of their yelling . " Leave her alone ! Why are you troubling her ? She has proclaimed the truth ! She has done a good deed for me . Wherever the Good News is preached in the whole world , what she had done will be told in memory of her . " Judas put that thing away . Whoever lives by the sword dies by the sword . Have I not taught you to love your enemies and pray for them ? Have you learned nothing in these last three years , any of you ? " Silence reigned in the room once again . The Twelve were horrified Jesus allowed a woman to anoint him King after his triumphant entry into Jerusalem and the cleansing of the Temple . Judas was seething . I could see him grinding his teeth to keep from saying anything . People began to pick at their food , no one quite looking at another . None of them saw that there would be no triumphant overthrow or Messianic reign . None of them saw Jesus ' way , his way of reigning , was going to lead to very different places than what they were imagining . All they could do was fight about who should have anointed Jesus king . I 'm not sure when changes were made to my story . Changes like me anointing his feet as well as his head then just his feet . I don 't know when the anointing became just about his burial and not his kingship . I don 't know when or why the anointing story got moved first a week before the Passover then a few days before that . I don 't know when Mary of Bethany became the anointer . I don 't know when the argument became about the waste of money and not that a woman anointed Jesus as King of the Jews . Although I 'm sure that 's the first part of the story that was changed . Then there 's Luke . Luke moved it entirely out of the Passion narrative and Jerusalem . His anointing takes place it in Galilee . There the woman who anointed Jesus was a sinner , nudge nudge , wink wink , a whore , and the anointing of the King was lost entirely . For the record : I was never a whore . I was one of those women of means like Mary Magdalene and Joanna who followed Jesus in Galilee and then onto Jerusalem . I was one of Jesus ' disciples . I heard his teaching . I saw his miracles . And I saw things the Twelve didn 't see because they ran away . I saw his trial . I saw Jesus crucified . I watched him take his final breath . I stood vigil with his mother and Mary Magdalene and Salome , as we watched Joseph and Nicodemus lay him in the tomb . We held that vigil for hours until the Roman soldiers made us leave . " Where ever the Good News is preached - in all the world - this story will be told in remembrance of her . " In memory of me . I know it 's a bit ironic my name was forgotten . But does it matter ? No , it doesn 't . Because all of us are anointers . All of us in our daily lives anoint Jesus as king . When we help someone , when say kind words , when we love our neighbor we anoint Jesus as king . In a small act of giving change to a homeless man or a large act like marching through our city holding vigil against the violence in our city , we anoint Jesus as king . All of us by our lives , our words , and our acts of love anoint Jesus as King and Messiah . This story is told in memory of us . February 1 is the feast day of St . Brigid of Kildare . Brigid is one of my favorite saints . The primary reason she is one of my favorites is because we can 't separate history from legend when it comes to her story . She 's part woman , part saint , and part goddess . Throw in a few miracles and Brigid time traveling to be Mary 's midwife and the foster - mother of Christ , himself , and you just have one good story ( and I love a good story ) . Here is what we do know about Brigid : she created the first monastic community that grew into the most renowned monastic city in Ireland , Kildare . Brigid was the abbess of the convent and church and the leader of the town that grew up around Kildare . She was known for her piety , her hard work , and her hospitality . She worked side by side with her nuns tending sheep and milking cows , along with weaving and cooking . Gifts given to the monastery by the rich were given to the poor or sold for food . No one was turned away from her convent , and she provided for all . One of the legends say that Brigid could speak to a cow and get her to give milk three times a day when she needed it for visitors . Here is a table grace attributed to Brigid : Kildare grew so big that Brigid could no longer run it alone . A local bishop , Cloneth came to the monastery to help her and he brought monks with him . The monks were master silver and bronze smiths who created beautiful silver and metal ornaments to go with the nuns ' woven and embroidered tapestries throughout the monastery and church . One of her biographers , a monk who lived at Kildare during Brigid 's life , said this about the monastery and town : But who could convey in words the supreme beauty of her church and the countless wonders of her city , of which we speak ? " City " is the right word for it : that so many people are living there justifies the title . It is a great metropolis , within whose outskirts - which Saint Brigid marked out with a clearly defined boundary - no earthly adversary feared , nor any incursion of enemies . For the city is the safest place of refuge among all towns of the whole land of the Irish , with all their fugitives . It is a place where the treasures of kings are looked after , and it is reckoned to be supreme in good order . Cogitosus also hinted in his biography that Brigid functioned as a bishop preaching , hearing confession , and ordaining priests . The lines between laity and clergy , and the roles between men and women , were not as fixed in Ireland as they were in other places in Europe . It is possible that abbesses as powerful and influential as Brigid did function as bishops ( this would quickly change once the Roman Catholic church gained a foothold in Ireland ) . Now it 's time for the fun stuff . As I mentioned before , the Celtic tradition honors Brigid as Mary 's midwife , Jesus ' wet nurse , and his foster - mother . " Time " was not a fixed , linear progression for the Celtic people . The material world and spiritual world intertwined in and out of each other . There were thin places were one could cross from one world to another with time running differently . This is why the legend of Brigid at the birth of Jesus was entirely believable for the Celts . The material and spiritual were not separate worlds in their thought . I also like this legend because , being the post - modern that I am , I like the idea of putting yourself into the story . Where am I in the grand story of God 's people ? How is this story , my story ? How is my story now becoming a part of the whole story ? Brigid went on to become the spiritual mid - wife to Celtic women giving birth , and the midwife called Brigid into the house to assist in the birth . Back before the stories of Brigid helping Mary and hanging her cloak on a sunbeam to dry out , Brigid was a goddess in the Celtic pantheon . She was the goddess of poets , blacksmiths , and healers . She was a triple goddess revealing herself as maiden , mother , and crone . The fair maiden to poets , the mother creating new life to blacksmiths , and the old wise woman who knows how to heal . She has long been the symbol of spring coming to the land and the arrival of more light during this time of the year . February 1 is her day , and she was called on to protect the sheep who at this time would be carrying lambs . In the Christian tradition she is remembered for being able to coax cows into milking , and for being able to churn butter for everyone who needed it . Milking cows and churning butter brings us back into the everyday realm . There is a strong domestic atmosphere in the stories of St . Brigid . Brigid 's life revolves around the home : giving away food to the poor , churning butter to feed all those who lived in the area , sweeping the floor , sewing , and herding both cattle and sheep . She kept her monastery in good order for visitors . Her love for domesticity naturally led to her generous hospitality . There was always food , clothing , and a bed in her house for those who needed it . Like so many women , Brigid wanted a well - run house where her family ( her nuns ) would have a nice home , and those who visited would find refuge . I am surprised at how domestic I 've become in the last few years . I 've realized I 'm becoming more like Brigid . I want a clean , orderly house that can be a home and refuge for my husband and I . I also want to extend hospitality to our friends and give them a place to come eat , drink , and be merry . I want them to find a refuge for awhile , rest and have fun while they are under our roof . As the light comes back this spring , let us remember Brigid : a woman committed to her God , to helping the poor , and to taking care of all who came to her . She established a community that became a light to all who wanted to come pray , learn , work , or needed shelter and food . She believed that everyone was part of the realm of God , and for that reason alone should be treated with respect and cared for . Everyone should have a home they can come to . There is room at the table for all . There is enough food to go around . And if not , Brigid will be seen whispering in the ears of her milk cows . Everliving God , we rejoice today in the witness of your servant Brigid of Kildare , who served as courageous leader and mentor , faithfully shepherding both men and women in her monastery and guiding them into holiness of life : Inspire us with life and light , and give us perseverance to serve you in our own day . This we ask in the name of the Holy and Undivided Trinity , one God , in glory everlasting . Amen . ( From The Saint Helena Breviary , Personal Edition , 281 ) . We hear a lot about the Magi 's journey to Bethlehem . We hear about their side trip to Jerusalem and Herod 's palace . We hear how the scribes were consulted and the Magi sent on their way to Bethlehem . We hear about Herod 's lie . And if we hear a lot about that part of the story , it 's nothing compared to what happens next . The Magi finally make it to the king of the Jews : a toddler in his parent 's house with his mother in a small town far enough away from Jerusalem to be considered rural . Once there they bow down and worship him , lavish the child with frankincense , gold and myrrh , then start on their long journey home . Only to be warned in a dream not to return to Herod , but to find another way home . Yes , you heard me correctly . I did say the Magi found Jesus at home in Bethlehem and not in a stable . That 's because in Matthew there is no stable , there 's also no manger or shepherds . We 've become used to the two very different nativity stories in Matthew and Luke being scrunched together and made to play nice with each other . We are used to Luke 's account of the events : Mary and Joseph start out in Nazareth , travel to Bethlehem for a census , where Jesus is born in a stable because there 's no room in the inn . An angelic host proclaim his birth to shepherds who then come into Bethlehem to see the sight for themselves . In our modern nativity story the Magi then are tacked on to the ending of Luke 's story in the stable . But that 's not how Jesus ' birth happens in Matthew or where the Magi show up in his story . In Matthew Mary and Joseph live in Bethlehem . In Matthew 's telling the angel appears to Joseph and not Mary because Joseph has decided to quietly divorce her after discovering she is pregnant . The angel reassures Joseph that Mary is pregnant by the Holy Spirit , this is God 's will , and Joseph is to name the baby Jesus . Joseph listens to God , marries Mary , and Jesus is born at home . Then some time within the next two years three strangers from the East show up in Jerusalem wanting to know where to find the King of the Jews who had been born within the last two years when the Magi saw his star in the sky . Herod freaks out and of course Jerusalem freaks out with him , because this is Herod . He 's killed a lot of people including his " favorite " wife and their two sons to safeguard his throne . So he plans on sending the Magi on their way then have them report back to him so he can take care of this new threat to his throne . The Magi once again set out and follow the star to Bethlehem . Matthew tells us that " on entering the house , they saw the child with Mary his mother ; and they knelt down and paid him homage . " I 'm assuming the reason Joseph isn 't here is because he was working . Poor guy . After all of his obedience , he missed out on the three strangers showing up from a country far to the east and showering his toddler with gifts . And these weren 't the typical baby shower presents either . No , they bring gold , frankincense and myrrh - gifts fit for kings and priests . There are times I hate what biblical stories leave out . What did they talk about ? What did these astrologers and scholars talk about with Mary ? Given Middle Eastern hospitality rules , what did Mary give them to eat and drink before they started back on their way to Jerusalem ? Wouldn 't you like to be a fly on the wall for that meal and its conversation ? What did the neighbors think of Mary entertaining these strangers while Joseph was out building something ? We 'll never know . And once again the biblical account leaves us in the dark . I 've always wondered what happened to the Magi after they left . What happened after they received the message to return to their country by another road ? How did they feel once the star rose back into the night sky and angelic visions disappeared from their dreams ? How did they feel about the long journey home without the beacon they had followed for perhaps months , if not years ? What did they do once they got home . Jan Richardson deals with some of these questions in her poem , " Blessing of the Magi . " Where the Magi found themselves is where all of us find ourselves eventually , including Mary and Joseph . After the Magi leave Joseph once again dreams of an angel who tells him about Herod 's plan to murder Jesus . He , Mary and Jesus leave for Egypt . A few years later angelic dreams will lead them back to Judea then onto Nazareth in Galilee . Once in Nazareth , visits from angels and strangers from afar will cease . And Mary and Joseph will settle into ordinary village life and raise their family . This is the question I pose for this Epiphany : what do we do when the miraculous has gone ? We 've lived the Christmas story : angels have come , stars have shined , and treasures have been given . What do we do now when the dreams and the visions cease ? What do we do once angels move onto other assignments ? Where do we decide to travel when the star disappears ? Like the Magi on their way home " we will set out in fear / we will set out in dream / but we will set out . " But we don 't set out alone . In the coming weeks our Scripture Readings will be signposts for our journey . We will remember our own baptismal vows as we remember Christ 's baptism this Sunday . The wedding at Cana will remind us that celebrating is important on the way . In Paul 's first letter to the Corinthians we will be reminded that all of us have spiritual gifts to use to build up each other and to build God 's kingdom in our world . And Jesus will remind us of what the heart of his ministry , and therefore our ministry , is : " to bring good news to the poor … to proclaim release to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind , to let the oppressed go free , to proclaim the year of God 's favour . ' " And I am using the pronoun " we " very intentionally . We also don 't set out alone because we set out together . Together we will walk into the new year with our Scriptural sign posts as we continue figuring out how to be a spiritual outpost in the South Loop . Yes , the light of the star is gone , but , like the Magi of Jan 's poem , we too will be surprised to see that the light we left behind is now " spilling from our empty hands , / shimmering beneath our homeward feet , / illuminating the road / with every step / we take . " Yes the star is gone , and now instead of following a light , we become the light ourselves to shine into our world and show others the way home . Published by Shawna on February 1 , 2016 | Permalink Chicago Writers Conference This Weekend Fellow Chicago writers , I will be attending the Chicago Writers Conference this weekend . If you want to get together , text me at 312 . 933 . 3599 . I 'd loved to meet up with you ! Ah , the Proverbs 31 woman , let me count the ways I hate thee . I grew up hearing about this woman every Mother 's Day . How she was a good and submissive wife who obeyed her husband and took care of her kids and was happy with her life in the home . If you come from a conservative or fundamentalist Christian background like I did , you know what I 'm talking about . Every single Mother 's Day the male pastor brushes off this passage and preaches how a good Christian woman ought to act . She 's the best wife , mother , and homekeeper of them all . She eschews the public sector to take care of her home and family . She keeps her house clean , obeys her husband and submits to him . She is a wonderful mother , and gets the meals on the table on time . She 's SuperWifeMom . By the time I hit my teens I was groaning and tuning the pastor out . By the time I hit my early 30s , I was single , not too sure if I wanted to get married , and I knew I didn 't want do the whole kids thing . I stopped going to church on Mother 's Day . If there was one Saturday I conveniently forgot to set my alarm clock and not make it to church , without feeling guilty about it , it was Mother 's Day . Unfortunately for the conservative evangelical background I grew up with , it was beat into my head that every good Christian reads the Bible for herself . She sees what is there , so she won 't fall into error . This backfired where I am concerned . I did read my Bible . I wanted to know what it said , and how I should act . And I noticed something . I noticed that what I heard all those years about the Proverbs 31 woman was not all of the story . In fact most of what I heard wasn 't even in the story ! This woman was not restricted to her home and family . I got to know an entirely different women when I read her story for myself . This woman is a household manager , industrious , produces and sells textiles , brings in income for the family , oversees planting of a vineyard and uses her own money to set it up . She has servants she oversees , she gives to the poor , and her household is a small business that provides for her family , and her husband is praised for it . This is not the picture of the stay - at - home mother that is normally depicted in sermons . She works both inside and outside of her home . In the Bible , the term wife encodes a set of productive and managerial tasks that , along with a woman 's reproductive role , were essential to the existence of the Israelite household . There is no equivalent understanding of " wife " as a social category in the modern West , where women 's household work does not usually contribute to the family economy and tends to be ignored , trivialized , minimized , or otherwise degraded . The often insulting idea of " just a wife and mother " would have had no meaning in the biblical world . Or as Rabbi Rosenfeld said at the beginning of his lecture on Proverbs 31 : " First of all , let 's get one thing straight . Women have ALWAYS worked outside the home , and EVERY mother is a ' working mother ! " Women 's work was necessary for the survival of the family , and she generated income for the family . Textiles - the spinning , weaving , and making of fabric goods - drove the ancient economy for 20 , 000 years . Women 's work was the backbone of the ancient economy and the ancient household . And I will love Deirdre McCloskey forever for pointing that out to me . So this woman was much more than the imaginary 50s housewife some segments of Christianity hold up as the good Christian wife . I 'm not hating her as much . Then I discovered something about her this week that I never knew , and I may just be darn close to falling in love with her . While reading up on this passage one of the writers pointed out that this poem is filled with military imagery . In fact the word translated as capable in " a capable wife who can find ? " is hayil . When it 's used for a man it 's translated as " strong " or " mighty , " and it 's normally used in the context of war . It also means the power that is able to acquire strength through gaining money and raising an army . Right off the bat , we are told this is a strong woman who knows how to get things done . In verse 16 she " considers a field and buys it . " Here the word " buy " may not the best translation of the Hebrew . Literally , she " takes " the field , and this word is normally used of an army taking a city or a region . It means to conquer and subdue a territory . This verse shows the woman looking at a wild field and figuring out how to tame it and subdue it into a vineyard . In the Judean highlands turning a plot of land into a vineyard took a massive amount of work . The soil was rocky , and all of the rocks had to be removed , then the land terraced , and the rocks built into a wall , so that the vineyard didn 't wash down the hillside at the first good rain . It also had to be terraced to make sure that enough water stayed in the vineyard so the vines could grow . Like a general this woman surveys her battlefield and plans her attack . Anyone who has ever gardened knows this is not an over - exaggeration . Verse 17 has the most obvious military language : " she girds herself with strength , and makes her arms strong " or in the good old King James Version , she " girded up her loins . " Men normally girded up their loins in the Bible for a heroic deed ; a deed that involved fighting . Having a strong arm is another Biblical metaphor for being battle ready . The end of the poem comes back to where we began with the word hayil . In verse 29 the woman 's husband tells her : " Many women have done excellently , but you surpass them all . " Here hayil is translated as " done excellently . " The woman has done deeds of strength and power that again refer to warfare and gaining wealth . " Surpass them all " is another idiom for military activity - as in the army met the enemy and bested them . So we see that this woman is not only pictured as a manager , entrepreneur , and merchant , she is also pictured as a military leader . There is nothing submissive or docile about this woman . She makes textiles , buys , sells , and fights for her family 's survival and good . And yes , she still sounds like SuperWoman . But there is a reason for that . Just as this woman is not the fictional housewife of the 50s , she is also not just a woman either . I 've always wondered why Proverbs 31 ended with this poem about this woman . So have others . It seems odd . And after all the focus on wisdom and gaining it , why does this book end with a woman going about her mundane daily activities ? Part of the answer to this is how the Jewish sages defined wisdom . Wisdom was not just knowledge gained for knowledge 's sake . Wisdom was knowledge that was to be applied to everyday life . In the Bible God created the world and set boundaries and laws to govern what she created . Wisdom sought to define those boundaries and apply those laws to their daily lives . This woman is living wisdom . But there is another reason why this book ends with a woman . It began with one . At the end of Proverbs 1 we are introduced to Dame Wisdom . We find out that Wisdom was with God when God created the heavens and earth . In fact , She was the master designer and architect of creation . She watched God bring order out of chaos . She rejoiced in creation , and calls out in the public square and city gates for men and women to follow her . She wants us to learn Her ways , so that She can give us good lives . She builds a house , prepares a feast , then goes out again to call everyone to come into Her house , eat Her feast , and learn Her ways . She continues to create and bring order to the world . After the tabernacle and temple are finished in the Hebrew Scriptures , there are huge feasts for all the people to celebrate . Wisdom does the same . She builds Her house then invites everyone over to celebrate . The last thing we hear about in Proverbs 9 is Dame Wisdom . And the last thing we hear about in the book of Proverbs is the Wise Woman in the 31st chapter . The reason Proverbs ends with this woman is that it is showing us Dame Wisdom in action . This woman does everything Wisdom does in earlier chapters : she creates , brings order to chaos , feeds and clothes her family , and takes care of the poor . She doesn 't just live wisely , she is Wisdom Incarnate . These verses do not describe what the typical woman of that day is like . They are showing us Wisdom hard at work in the everyday world . She shows us what we are called to do . Just like Dame Wisdom and the Wise Woman of Proverbs 31 we are called to live wisely in our everyday , mundane lives . We are called to learn what God wants , where our boundaries are and live by that everyday . For ancient Israel the boundary was there is only one God , YHWH , and YHWH alone will you worship and obey . For us as Christians our boundary is to love God with all our heart , soul , strength , and mind and to love our neighbor as ourselves . That is our boundary . Day by day we have to figure out how to live that love at home , at work , in the store , on the sidewalk , and at church . Within the boundary of that love , we are called to create , to order the chaos around us , to build God 's realm and to celebrate God 's reign here on earth . Or as Elizabeth Barrett Browning put it : Our call is to see God in our world and then live what we see . When we follow Wisdom and listen to Her , our eyes will be opened , and we will see the holy in everything . When we see the holy all around us then we will know how to live our own lives and show that holiness , God 's love , to others .
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Water . Life is dependent on it . In biblical times this meant wells and springs were life . And life was dependent on them . Women were the ones who drew water . They were at wells … a lot . Women not only drew water for their households . They also herded animals mostly sheep , to the wells to water them . Jan Richardson notes this about women and wells : In God 's lexicon of water , wells have a particularly interesting place . Women at wells : more intriguing still . See a woman near a well , something momentous is bound to happen . It usually involves a person of the male persuasion , and it augurs a major change in the woman 's life . Genesis gives us a rich trinity of woman - at - the - well stories . In Genesis 21 , God provides a well to a desperate Hagar and her son Ishmael , who lies near death in a waterless wilderness . Genesis 24 tells of a servant who finds Rebekah , Isaac 's bride - to - be , at a well . Another well serves as a signal of matrimony in Genesis 29 , when Jacob meets Rachel at the well where she waters her father 's sheep . The matrimonial symbolism of wells finds a striking resonance in the Song of Songs … . Particularly given the intimate , fertile link between women , wells , marriage , and motherhood , one might rightly wonder what the heck Jesus is doing , hanging out by a well with a lone woman , as he does in this week 's Gospel lection , John 4 . 1 - 42 . I 's a curious thing for a single rabbi to strike up a conversation with a woman he finds at a well . But Jesus is a curious sort of rabbi , and so he wades into an exchange with a Samaritan woman who has come to draw her water at noonday . Although wells have matrimonial links , two women did not meet husbands at wells : they met God . Richardson notes one of those times in Genesis 21 . But Genesis 21 isn 't the first time Hagar had a rendezvous with God at a well or spring , our reading from Genesis 16 is . Hagar was the first woman to meet God at a well . She was Sarah 's Egyptian slave . She had no say over what happened in her life or her own body . Sarah , desperate for a child , gave Hagar to Abraham as his concubine . After she became pregnant , Hagar may have thought Abraham would make her his second wife . After all , she was the one who would give him his long awaited heir , not Sarah . Hagar apparently started looking down on Sarah . Sarah complained to Abraham that Hagar looked at her with contempt . Abraham said Hagar was her slave , and she could do whatever she wanted to rein Hagar in . Sarah started treating Hagar harshly . Hagar ran away from Abraham and Sarah and ran into God . God simply wants to know why Hagar is at the spring , and she tells God : she is running away from Sarah . God instructs her to go back and promises her that she will multiply Hagar 's offspring , so that they cannot be counted . God also instructs her to name her son Ishmael , for God has heard her affliction . God extends the covenant promise to Hagar and her son . Hagar is the first woman , and the first person , in the Bible to name God . She calls God , the One who sees . God has seen her pain and affliction , and she has seen God . Hagar goes back and bears Ishmael . She remains in slavery to Sarah until 14 years later , after Isaac is born and weaned . Sarah wants no competition for her son and has Abraham send Hagar and Ishmael away . In the desert with no food and water , Hagar once again sees God , who reveals a well to her . God reassures her of the promise before Ishmael was born : he will grow into a great nation . Published by Shawna on March 30 , 2017 | Permalink Housecleaning This site is now back up and running . It was hacked last fall , and as it is more or less an archive of my religious writing , fixing it wasn 't high up on the priority list . But my wonderful webmaster husband took yesterday to get it back up and running . He 's not sure if everything came through . I went through and approved comments that had been left since last September . So first my apologies for taking so long to get your comments moderated . Until yesterday I was locked out of my own site . Second if you notice your comment didn 't get approved , please let me know . It might have got lost in the wipe and restore The Hubby had to do to get the site back up and running . Published by Shawna on March 27 , 2017 | Permalink Book Review : Sex Difference in Christian Theology Last year I wrote a review of Megan Defranza 's Sex Difference in Christian Theology : Male , Female , and Intersex in the Image of God , sent it to the editor of the Englewood Review of Books then promptly forgot about it . When I was hunting through my bookshelves over the weekend , I came across the book and wondered if the review had been published . It had : in January . I 'm a little behind the curve on this one , but here it is . Sex Difference in Christain Theology is a much needed theological reflection on what it means to be made in the image of God , and that male and female do not have to be the binary straightjacket of what it means to be fully human . There are gray areas of sex , gender , and sexuality in our world , and our theology needs to reflect those areas to be faithful to how all of us are created in the image of God and image God in this world . DeFranza has provided a good biblical and theological foundation for this work . I will never forgive Luke for not recording Martha 's response to what Jesus said . I 'm sure she had one . And I 'm just as sure that her response wasn 't submissive , subservient , or even polite . In fact , I imagine her saying " Fine , Mary can stay put . You can help me feed all of these men you 've dragged into my house , " and dragging Jesus off to the kitchen . During its infancy years the church met in members ' homes . In order for there to be enough room for the church to meet , the home had to be a decent size , which meant the owners of these homes had money . They were rich . We see this with Lydia : she was a merchant , and had her own household with slaves . She was a rich businesswoman . In Luke 10 Martha is preparing a meal for Jesus and his 12 disciples , minimum . Remember normally more than just the 12 were traveling with Jesus . In order to accommodate this many people Martha , Mary , and Lazarus had to be rich . Martha was used to running a large house . What did a rich woman running her household look like ? What did she do ? What were her duties ? Socrates gives us a glimpse of what duties Roman matrons , like Martha , performed in their home in his book Economics : " Supervision of all comings and goings in the house , protection and distribution of supplies , supervision of weaving and food production , care of sick slaves , instruction [ of ] slaves in household skills , rewarding and punishing slaves , in short independent management of an entire household ( 7 . 36 - 43 ) . She is to be the guardian of its laws , like a military commander , a city councilor , or a queen … " ( A Woman 's Place , 146 ) . Matrons like Martha were powerful women . She was not only responsible for everything that went on in her home and estate , she also set an example by working with her servants and slaves . Matrons spun wool and flax , wove , and prepared food . In Greek and Roman literature writers and poets pictured the ideal Roman matron as one who wove cloth and clothed her family with her own hands . It means the members of the churches that met during the time of the New Testament would not have thought twice about women being leaders in their services . Osiek and MacDonald also point out that it would not be unusual for a woman to preside over the love feast and communion during this time because meals fell under the domain of the woman in the house . It would not be unusual for the matron of the house to preside over the meal . There are also women like Mary , Nympha , Lydia , and Chloe who are not linked with husbands , which meant they hosted the love feasts in their homes and presided over communion . According to Osiek and MacDonald " Women were expected to independently manage their households , with or without a husband . Therefore , to step into a Christian house church was to step into women 's world " ( p . 163 ) . In the Christian tradition Martha started it . Martha hosted the first church in her home . Jesus and however many disciples were following him at that time found shelter and food in Martha 's home . Jesus taught in her home , and he ate in her home . Martha was the first hostess of the church . There is one more thing about Martha that gets overlooked . For that we have to jump over to John 11 . In John we again meet Martha , and she is not happy . She had sent a message to Jesus that her brother Lazarus was sick , and asked him to come and heal him . Jesus waited until Lazarus was dead before he set off for Bethany . Martha met Jesus on the road and accused him of letting Lazarus die . But in her anger and grief , she still believed that God would do what Jesus asked . When Jesus asked her if she believed that he was the resurrection and life her answer was : " Lord , I believe that you are the Messiah , the Son of God , the one coming into the world " ( John 11 : 27 ) . In John Martha made the confession that Jesus was the Messiah , the Son of God , not Peter . In John , Martha 's confession is the rock the church is built on . So my question is this : Pope Martha anyone ? In John God revealed to Martha what flesh and blood had not , and she is indeed blessed for proclaiming the faith that is the rock on which the church is built . Not only did Martha make that confession of faith , but her home became a meeting place for the early church . Not all apostles and " popes " traveled to proclaim Christ crucified and risen , some of them stayed put and offered the hospitality and protection of their homes for the beginning Christian movement . The early church depended on matrons , like Martha , to provide an organized , well - run home for them to meet in . It was the matron who made sure the meal was ready and presided over the meal and all that happened during it . Jesus may have discounted Martha 's worries over the meal . May be Martha did allow herself to be distracted by too many things . But the early church gives a different testimony about Martha , her duties , and her worries . Without women like Martha efficiently running large , rich households there would be no church . [ Paul , Silas , and Timothy ] went through the region of Phrygia and Galatia , having been forbidden by the Holy Spirit to speak the word in Asia . When they had come opposite Mysia , they attempted to go into Bithynia , but the Spirit of Jesus did not allow them ; so , passing by Mysia , they went down to Troas . During the night Paul had a vision : there stood a man of Macedonia pleading with him and saying , " Come over to Macedonia and help us . " When he had seen the vision , we immediately tried to cross over to Macedonia , being convinced that God had called us to proclaim the good news to them . We set sail from Troas and took a straight course to Samothrace , the following day to Neapolis , and from there to Philippi , which is a leading city of the district of Macedonia and a Roman colony . We remained in this city for some days . On the sabbath day we went outside the gate by the river , where we supposed there was a place of prayer ; and we sat down and spoke to the women who had gathered there . A certain woman named Lydia , a worshiper of God , was listening to us ; she was from the city of Thyatira and a dealer in purple cloth . The Lord opened her heart to listen eagerly to what was said by Paul . When she and her household were baptized , she urged us , saying , " If you have judged me to be faithful to the Lord , come and stay at my home . " And she prevailed upon us ( NRSV ) . A few years ago before the real estate bubble burst a growing trend got on every last one of my nerves . It was The Secret and all of that positivity claptrap that came from it . You could only think good , positive thoughts so the Universe , God , or the Force would give you what you wanted . You just had to think the right thoughts and send out all the good juju you could muster for everything to work out the way you thought it should . As I 'm sure you can guess : I did not jump onto that particular bandwagon . But this idea has persisted for some time in Christianity : that if we are in a relationship with God then everything will turn out just fine , and we 'll basically get whatever we want because : God 's will ! So it doesn 't make me happy when I see the lectionary has cherry picked a couple of verses out our Acts reading from two weeks ago to make it seem like everything was smooth sailing for Paul because he was obeying God . We heard the story of how Paul came to Philippi on the fifth Sunday after Easter . But our reading picked up when Paul was at Troas waiting for God 's leading . It cut off the verses where the Holy Spirit kept blocking Paul 's path . It also leaves out that this trip , which is called Paul 's second missionary journey , didn 't have such a wonderful start . Before Paul sets off he and Barnabas have a disagreement over who take with them on this journey . On the first missionary journey they embarked on , Barnabas ' cousin John Mark had went with them , but half way through the trip he returned home . Barnabas wanted to bring him again , but Paul didn 't want John Mark on this trip , since he didn 't finish the last trip with them . The two parted ways . Barnabas and Mark went to Cyprus , and Paul took Silas with him and heading out to check on the churches he and Barnabas had planted on their first trip . So this trip starts out shaky to begin with : our superhero missionary duo splits up over personnel issues . Paul and Silas begin their trip and visit churches in the cities of Derbe and Lystra where they pick up Timothy . Then Paul wants to head further west into the heart of what is now modern Turkey to continue preaching the gospel and planting churches . But they were " forbidden by the Holy Spirit to speak the word in Asia . " So Paul directed his attention to the northwest part of that great peninsula , but " the Spirit of Jesus did not allow them . " Paul was not allowed to go where he planned to go . At this point , it is clear that Paul had no plans to cross to Europe . He was planning on staying east of the Aegean Sea in familiar territory where he knew there would be plenty of cities with large populations of Jews and synagogues to begin his mission work in . But the Holy Spirit had other plans which she did not let Paul in on at the time . After being blocked from heading into the center of Asia Minor then being blocked from going north , Paul and his company went in the only direction left to them at that point : northwest to the city of Troas , which was a port city on the Aegean Sea , where he could only sit and wait until the Spirit let him in on what she was up to . Honestly , we don 't know how long that took . As usual the author of Acts makes it all sound like it happened immediately and instantaneously . But did it ? How long did it take to travel from the central northern part of Turkey to Troas ? How many days or weeks were between the Holy Spirit barring Paul 's way and the dream of the Macedonian ? How many days or weeks did Paul wonder what was going on and what the Spirit 's agenda was ? We don 't know . And I doubt it was as easy or smooth sailing as Acts makes it sound . We 've all read enough of Paul 's letters to know he wasn 't always the most patient person . But Paul did reign in his impatience and waited in Troas until the Holy Spirit revealed where she wanted him to go . To Paul 's credit , it didn 't matter that going to Europe hadn 't been on his radar earlier . Once the Spirit put it on his radar he found a boat , hopped on board and headed to Europe . When Paul gets to Europe guess what he doesn 't find at Philippi ? A large population of Jews and a synagogue . After spending a few days in the city on the Sabbath Paul , Silas and Timothy head to the river , hoping they will find a group meeting in prayer there so they can begin their mission work in the city . As we know they did find a group of women praying by the river , including a successful business woman Lydia . God opened Lydia 's heart and after she and her household were baptized she compelled Paul and his team to stay at her house . I actually love William Barnstone 's translation : " She made us go . " This was only the beginning of Paul 's adventures in Philippi . So let 's take a minute and recap . The Holy Spirit leads Paul to Philippi by blocking him from going anywhere else . Then when he gets to Philippi , he doesn 't find any Jews just a group of female Gentile proselytes praying by the river . Then he winds up being beaten and thrown into prison , although he 's a Roman citizen and citizens aren 't supposed to be beaten or flogged , or imprisoned without a trial . He 's probably once again thinking what is up with the Holy Spirit ? She led him to Europe for this ? Don 't worry : the Spirit doesn 't leave Paul and Silas in prison . That night while the duo are praying and singing hymns she sends an earthquake that opens the jail cells and makes the shackles fall off everyone 's feet . The jailer is about to kill himself because he thinks everyone escaped when Paul tells him to stop . All of the prisoners are still in their cells . Apparently the jailer had been listening to Paul and Silas ' prayers and hymns because he wants to know how to be saved . Paul tells him to " believe on the Lord Jesus Christ , and you will be saved . " The jailer is saved then proceeds that night to have Paul and Silas baptize not only him , but also his household . By the end of Paul 's stay in Philippi two households have been converted , and we find out that " after leaving the prison they went to Lydia 's home : and when they had seen and encouraged the brothers and sisters there , they departed . " Lydia 's home hosted the first church in Europe . Yes , I have to point out that the first pastor or head of a church in Europe was a woman . Although Philippi 's beginnings are small , they do not stay that way . We find out from the letter to the Philippians that the church grows and flourishes there . The churches in Philippi become patrons of Paul and help moneterily and with gifts in his missionary work . The churches in Philippi were one of the few churches Paul accepted resources from , and I always wonder if he had a soft spot in his heart for the first church in Europe . ( Not to mention Lydia probably made him take all the help the church could muster anyway . ) Circling back to the beginning of this sermon with the Universe wants to give you whatever you want wishful thinking . That may be true of the universe , but it 's not true for God . God tells us no . The Holy Spirit sometimes even physically , emotionally or mentally blocks our way and herds us in the direction she wants us to go . Because God doesn 't necessarily want we what think is best for us . Or even what God knows is best for us . God is also thinking about what is best for everyone . The Holy Spirit is not only thinking of what is best for our own personal lives but also what is best for the people we are going to meet on any given day . The Holy Spirit 's purpose is to bring all of creation back into relationship with God , and this is why we as Christians cannot buy into the wishful thinking that doors are simply going to open for us because we want them to . They won 't . In fact , the Spirit may slam some of those doors in our face because she knows it 's not what best for us or for the world we live in . She 's going to direct us down those paths that not only do what is best for us in our personal relationships with God , but what 's also best for those we meet and their personal relationships with God . This means things may not always go our way . We may not always get what we want . And we may have to spend a lot of time in Troas waiting for her to tell us where she wants us to go and what she wants us to do . That is why the lectionary has no business cutting those two verses out of this particular reading . Doors will close . Roads will be blocked . God will tell us no . Like Paul we may be herded to a place where we have to sit and wait until the time is right for us to act on God 's behalf in our world , trusting the Spirit to lead us to those people and places that need her healing and reconciling love the most . By that night I had been following him for a long time . I started following him in Galilee . I saw all of his miracles , heard his teaching . I knew who Jesus was . And God had been telling me to do something . Something I knew women didn 't do - or just any man for that matter . This was a job for prophets and priests . But not common people and definitely not a woman . I told God this . I reminded him of his own actions in the past . And then passages from Isaiah came streaming through my mind : " Behold I am doing a new thing - things you could not even dream of - I will make ways where there are no ways . What I 'm doing is new . No one has ever seen it before . " At some point Jesus started talking about what would happen in Jerusalem . How he would be betrayed and handed over to the religious authorities . How he would be crucified , and die . Then somehow how three days later rise . " This dying and rising stuff must be more of his riddles . People will die , so we can raise him up to power . To be our King ! " " But he says we should love our enemies - that 's the Romans , you know ? What if he really does get himself killed in Jerusalem ? What then ? " And it went on and on and on . Be glad those who wrote your gospels cut so much of their bickering and fighting out . Oy Vey they could go on forever . [ PAUSE ] But then the gospellers were good at editing their stories to suit their communities and what they thought was proper . That 's what they did to me . My deed will always be remembered . But not my name . And the reason for my action was changed to suit what a woman could do . Not what I did . Now I understand my story has come down to you in several stories and is confusing . Different women . Different times in the story . Different reasons . Luke even watered my act down to a penitent sinner thanking Jesus for forgiving her many sins . He removed it entirely from the Passover and Passion all together . At least John put it a week before Jesus ' death and resurrection , but then he had Mary of Bethany anointing Jesus ' feet for a whole other reason . But , you see , I didn 't anoint Jesus ' feet . I didn 't do the womanly thing - anoint him for his burial . That was women 's work back then - anointing a body for burial . Anyone who touched a corpse was considered unclean . We women were unclean for a whole week during our periods , so what 's a few more unclean days to us ? It was the night before the Passover , two days before the Crucifixion . Tensions were running high all around Jerusalem as they always did during Passover . There were Roman soldiers everywhere to squelch any uprisings or rebellions that might start . We already drawn their attention with Jesus ' entry into Jerusalem . There had been crowds of people cheering Jesus as he rode into the city . They called him the King of the Jews and Messiah . Then there was the fracas in the temple . Jesus ' prophecies of Jerusalem and the Temple being destroyed didn 't sit very well with anyone either . The religious leaders were trying to catch him in his words , trying to find a way to arrest him without making the crowds go crazier than they already were . The Twelve were bickering about who was the greatest , who would sit at his right and left hands when Jesus ruled . It wasn 't hard to see where all of this was leading . And I knew . I knew when Jesus said he was here to die , he meant it . I knew it in my bones . But I also knew what God commanded me to do . Jesus was the Messiah , the King of the Jews . And a king must be anointed . That night , the night before we celebrated the Passover in the Upper Room , God 's command came . We were at the house of Simon the Leper . I quietly left the feast and went to my things . I retrieved the alabaster jar that had weighed so heavily on me the last few weeks . I returned to the banquet and walked to where Jesus reclined . I stood behind him , raised the bottle , broke its seal and let the oil pour over Jesus ' head . It ran through his hair , down his face , and it rolled through his beard . His shoulders were drenched from the nard . The smell filled the room . He was anointed : Jesus : The King ! Jesus : The Messiah ! No ! " Judas jumped into the fray . " The anointing means nothing if a prophet or priest has not done it ! We have to take Jerusalem first . Then Caiaphas will have to anoint Jesus as King of the Jews ! It is time to fight ! " Judas yelled , pulling out his dagger and raising it in the air . " Enough , " said Jesus . His authoritative voice rising above all of their yelling . " Leave her alone ! Why are you troubling her ? She has proclaimed the truth ! She has done a good deed for me . Wherever the Good News is preached in the whole world , what she had done will be told in memory of her . " Judas put that thing away . Whoever lives by the sword dies by the sword . Have I not taught you to love your enemies and pray for them ? Have you learned nothing in these last three years , any of you ? " Silence reigned in the room once again . The Twelve were horrified Jesus allowed a woman to anoint him King after his triumphant entry into Jerusalem and the cleansing of the Temple . Judas was seething . I could see him grinding his teeth to keep from saying anything . People began to pick at their food , no one quite looking at another . None of them saw that there would be no triumphant overthrow or Messianic reign . None of them saw Jesus ' way , his way of reigning , was going to lead to very different places than what they were imagining . All they could do was fight about who should have anointed Jesus king . I 'm not sure when changes were made to my story . Changes like me anointing his feet as well as his head then just his feet . I don 't know when the anointing became just about his burial and not his kingship . I don 't know when or why the anointing story got moved first a week before the Passover then a few days before that . I don 't know when Mary of Bethany became the anointer . I don 't know when the argument became about the waste of money and not that a woman anointed Jesus as King of the Jews . Although I 'm sure that 's the first part of the story that was changed . Then there 's Luke . Luke moved it entirely out of the Passion narrative and Jerusalem . His anointing takes place it in Galilee . There the woman who anointed Jesus was a sinner , nudge nudge , wink wink , a whore , and the anointing of the King was lost entirely . For the record : I was never a whore . I was one of those women of means like Mary Magdalene and Joanna who followed Jesus in Galilee and then onto Jerusalem . I was one of Jesus ' disciples . I heard his teaching . I saw his miracles . And I saw things the Twelve didn 't see because they ran away . I saw his trial . I saw Jesus crucified . I watched him take his final breath . I stood vigil with his mother and Mary Magdalene and Salome , as we watched Joseph and Nicodemus lay him in the tomb . We held that vigil for hours until the Roman soldiers made us leave . " Where ever the Good News is preached - in all the world - this story will be told in remembrance of her . " In memory of me . I know it 's a bit ironic my name was forgotten . But does it matter ? No , it doesn 't . Because all of us are anointers . All of us in our daily lives anoint Jesus as king . When we help someone , when say kind words , when we love our neighbor we anoint Jesus as king . In a small act of giving change to a homeless man or a large act like marching through our city holding vigil against the violence in our city , we anoint Jesus as king . All of us by our lives , our words , and our acts of love anoint Jesus as King and Messiah . This story is told in memory of us . February 1 is the feast day of St . Brigid of Kildare . Brigid is one of my favorite saints . The primary reason she is one of my favorites is because we can 't separate history from legend when it comes to her story . She 's part woman , part saint , and part goddess . Throw in a few miracles and Brigid time traveling to be Mary 's midwife and the foster - mother of Christ , himself , and you just have one good story ( and I love a good story ) . Here is what we do know about Brigid : she created the first monastic community that grew into the most renowned monastic city in Ireland , Kildare . Brigid was the abbess of the convent and church and the leader of the town that grew up around Kildare . She was known for her piety , her hard work , and her hospitality . She worked side by side with her nuns tending sheep and milking cows , along with weaving and cooking . Gifts given to the monastery by the rich were given to the poor or sold for food . No one was turned away from her convent , and she provided for all . One of the legends say that Brigid could speak to a cow and get her to give milk three times a day when she needed it for visitors . Here is a table grace attributed to Brigid : Kildare grew so big that Brigid could no longer run it alone . A local bishop , Cloneth came to the monastery to help her and he brought monks with him . The monks were master silver and bronze smiths who created beautiful silver and metal ornaments to go with the nuns ' woven and embroidered tapestries throughout the monastery and church . One of her biographers , a monk who lived at Kildare during Brigid 's life , said this about the monastery and town : But who could convey in words the supreme beauty of her church and the countless wonders of her city , of which we speak ? " City " is the right word for it : that so many people are living there justifies the title . It is a great metropolis , within whose outskirts - which Saint Brigid marked out with a clearly defined boundary - no earthly adversary feared , nor any incursion of enemies . For the city is the safest place of refuge among all towns of the whole land of the Irish , with all their fugitives . It is a place where the treasures of kings are looked after , and it is reckoned to be supreme in good order . Cogitosus also hinted in his biography that Brigid functioned as a bishop preaching , hearing confession , and ordaining priests . The lines between laity and clergy , and the roles between men and women , were not as fixed in Ireland as they were in other places in Europe . It is possible that abbesses as powerful and influential as Brigid did function as bishops ( this would quickly change once the Roman Catholic church gained a foothold in Ireland ) . Now it 's time for the fun stuff . As I mentioned before , the Celtic tradition honors Brigid as Mary 's midwife , Jesus ' wet nurse , and his foster - mother . " Time " was not a fixed , linear progression for the Celtic people . The material world and spiritual world intertwined in and out of each other . There were thin places were one could cross from one world to another with time running differently . This is why the legend of Brigid at the birth of Jesus was entirely believable for the Celts . The material and spiritual were not separate worlds in their thought . I also like this legend because , being the post - modern that I am , I like the idea of putting yourself into the story . Where am I in the grand story of God 's people ? How is this story , my story ? How is my story now becoming a part of the whole story ? Brigid went on to become the spiritual mid - wife to Celtic women giving birth , and the midwife called Brigid into the house to assist in the birth . Back before the stories of Brigid helping Mary and hanging her cloak on a sunbeam to dry out , Brigid was a goddess in the Celtic pantheon . She was the goddess of poets , blacksmiths , and healers . She was a triple goddess revealing herself as maiden , mother , and crone . The fair maiden to poets , the mother creating new life to blacksmiths , and the old wise woman who knows how to heal . She has long been the symbol of spring coming to the land and the arrival of more light during this time of the year . February 1 is her day , and she was called on to protect the sheep who at this time would be carrying lambs . In the Christian tradition she is remembered for being able to coax cows into milking , and for being able to churn butter for everyone who needed it . Milking cows and churning butter brings us back into the everyday realm . There is a strong domestic atmosphere in the stories of St . Brigid . Brigid 's life revolves around the home : giving away food to the poor , churning butter to feed all those who lived in the area , sweeping the floor , sewing , and herding both cattle and sheep . She kept her monastery in good order for visitors . Her love for domesticity naturally led to her generous hospitality . There was always food , clothing , and a bed in her house for those who needed it . Like so many women , Brigid wanted a well - run house where her family ( her nuns ) would have a nice home , and those who visited would find refuge . I am surprised at how domestic I 've become in the last few years . I 've realized I 'm becoming more like Brigid . I want a clean , orderly house that can be a home and refuge for my husband and I . I also want to extend hospitality to our friends and give them a place to come eat , drink , and be merry . I want them to find a refuge for awhile , rest and have fun while they are under our roof . As the light comes back this spring , let us remember Brigid : a woman committed to her God , to helping the poor , and to taking care of all who came to her . She established a community that became a light to all who wanted to come pray , learn , work , or needed shelter and food . She believed that everyone was part of the realm of God , and for that reason alone should be treated with respect and cared for . Everyone should have a home they can come to . There is room at the table for all . There is enough food to go around . And if not , Brigid will be seen whispering in the ears of her milk cows . Everliving God , we rejoice today in the witness of your servant Brigid of Kildare , who served as courageous leader and mentor , faithfully shepherding both men and women in her monastery and guiding them into holiness of life : Inspire us with life and light , and give us perseverance to serve you in our own day . This we ask in the name of the Holy and Undivided Trinity , one God , in glory everlasting . Amen . ( From The Saint Helena Breviary , Personal Edition , 281 ) . We hear a lot about the Magi 's journey to Bethlehem . We hear about their side trip to Jerusalem and Herod 's palace . We hear how the scribes were consulted and the Magi sent on their way to Bethlehem . We hear about Herod 's lie . And if we hear a lot about that part of the story , it 's nothing compared to what happens next . The Magi finally make it to the king of the Jews : a toddler in his parent 's house with his mother in a small town far enough away from Jerusalem to be considered rural . Once there they bow down and worship him , lavish the child with frankincense , gold and myrrh , then start on their long journey home . Only to be warned in a dream not to return to Herod , but to find another way home . Yes , you heard me correctly . I did say the Magi found Jesus at home in Bethlehem and not in a stable . That 's because in Matthew there is no stable , there 's also no manger or shepherds . We 've become used to the two very different nativity stories in Matthew and Luke being scrunched together and made to play nice with each other . We are used to Luke 's account of the events : Mary and Joseph start out in Nazareth , travel to Bethlehem for a census , where Jesus is born in a stable because there 's no room in the inn . An angelic host proclaim his birth to shepherds who then come into Bethlehem to see the sight for themselves . In our modern nativity story the Magi then are tacked on to the ending of Luke 's story in the stable . But that 's not how Jesus ' birth happens in Matthew or where the Magi show up in his story . In Matthew Mary and Joseph live in Bethlehem . In Matthew 's telling the angel appears to Joseph and not Mary because Joseph has decided to quietly divorce her after discovering she is pregnant . The angel reassures Joseph that Mary is pregnant by the Holy Spirit , this is God 's will , and Joseph is to name the baby Jesus . Joseph listens to God , marries Mary , and Jesus is born at home . Then some time within the next two years three strangers from the East show up in Jerusalem wanting to know where to find the King of the Jews who had been born within the last two years when the Magi saw his star in the sky . Herod freaks out and of course Jerusalem freaks out with him , because this is Herod . He 's killed a lot of people including his " favorite " wife and their two sons to safeguard his throne . So he plans on sending the Magi on their way then have them report back to him so he can take care of this new threat to his throne . The Magi once again set out and follow the star to Bethlehem . Matthew tells us that " on entering the house , they saw the child with Mary his mother ; and they knelt down and paid him homage . " I 'm assuming the reason Joseph isn 't here is because he was working . Poor guy . After all of his obedience , he missed out on the three strangers showing up from a country far to the east and showering his toddler with gifts . And these weren 't the typical baby shower presents either . No , they bring gold , frankincense and myrrh - gifts fit for kings and priests . There are times I hate what biblical stories leave out . What did they talk about ? What did these astrologers and scholars talk about with Mary ? Given Middle Eastern hospitality rules , what did Mary give them to eat and drink before they started back on their way to Jerusalem ? Wouldn 't you like to be a fly on the wall for that meal and its conversation ? What did the neighbors think of Mary entertaining these strangers while Joseph was out building something ? We 'll never know . And once again the biblical account leaves us in the dark . I 've always wondered what happened to the Magi after they left . What happened after they received the message to return to their country by another road ? How did they feel once the star rose back into the night sky and angelic visions disappeared from their dreams ? How did they feel about the long journey home without the beacon they had followed for perhaps months , if not years ? What did they do once they got home . Jan Richardson deals with some of these questions in her poem , " Blessing of the Magi . " Where the Magi found themselves is where all of us find ourselves eventually , including Mary and Joseph . After the Magi leave Joseph once again dreams of an angel who tells him about Herod 's plan to murder Jesus . He , Mary and Jesus leave for Egypt . A few years later angelic dreams will lead them back to Judea then onto Nazareth in Galilee . Once in Nazareth , visits from angels and strangers from afar will cease . And Mary and Joseph will settle into ordinary village life and raise their family . This is the question I pose for this Epiphany : what do we do when the miraculous has gone ? We 've lived the Christmas story : angels have come , stars have shined , and treasures have been given . What do we do now when the dreams and the visions cease ? What do we do once angels move onto other assignments ? Where do we decide to travel when the star disappears ? Like the Magi on their way home " we will set out in fear / we will set out in dream / but we will set out . " But we don 't set out alone . In the coming weeks our Scripture Readings will be signposts for our journey . We will remember our own baptismal vows as we remember Christ 's baptism this Sunday . The wedding at Cana will remind us that celebrating is important on the way . In Paul 's first letter to the Corinthians we will be reminded that all of us have spiritual gifts to use to build up each other and to build God 's kingdom in our world . And Jesus will remind us of what the heart of his ministry , and therefore our ministry , is : " to bring good news to the poor … to proclaim release to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind , to let the oppressed go free , to proclaim the year of God 's favour . ' " And I am using the pronoun " we " very intentionally . We also don 't set out alone because we set out together . Together we will walk into the new year with our Scriptural sign posts as we continue figuring out how to be a spiritual outpost in the South Loop . Yes , the light of the star is gone , but , like the Magi of Jan 's poem , we too will be surprised to see that the light we left behind is now " spilling from our empty hands , / shimmering beneath our homeward feet , / illuminating the road / with every step / we take . " Yes the star is gone , and now instead of following a light , we become the light ourselves to shine into our world and show others the way home . Published by Shawna on February 1 , 2016 | Permalink Chicago Writers Conference This Weekend Fellow Chicago writers , I will be attending the Chicago Writers Conference this weekend . If you want to get together , text me at 312 . 933 . 3599 . I 'd loved to meet up with you ! Ah , the Proverbs 31 woman , let me count the ways I hate thee . I grew up hearing about this woman every Mother 's Day . How she was a good and submissive wife who obeyed her husband and took care of her kids and was happy with her life in the home . If you come from a conservative or fundamentalist Christian background like I did , you know what I 'm talking about . Every single Mother 's Day the male pastor brushes off this passage and preaches how a good Christian woman ought to act . She 's the best wife , mother , and homekeeper of them all . She eschews the public sector to take care of her home and family . She keeps her house clean , obeys her husband and submits to him . She is a wonderful mother , and gets the meals on the table on time . She 's SuperWifeMom . By the time I hit my teens I was groaning and tuning the pastor out . By the time I hit my early 30s , I was single , not too sure if I wanted to get married , and I knew I didn 't want do the whole kids thing . I stopped going to church on Mother 's Day . If there was one Saturday I conveniently forgot to set my alarm clock and not make it to church , without feeling guilty about it , it was Mother 's Day . Unfortunately for the conservative evangelical background I grew up with , it was beat into my head that every good Christian reads the Bible for herself . She sees what is there , so she won 't fall into error . This backfired where I am concerned . I did read my Bible . I wanted to know what it said , and how I should act . And I noticed something . I noticed that what I heard all those years about the Proverbs 31 woman was not all of the story . In fact most of what I heard wasn 't even in the story ! This woman was not restricted to her home and family . I got to know an entirely different women when I read her story for myself . This woman is a household manager , industrious , produces and sells textiles , brings in income for the family , oversees planting of a vineyard and uses her own money to set it up . She has servants she oversees , she gives to the poor , and her household is a small business that provides for her family , and her husband is praised for it . This is not the picture of the stay - at - home mother that is normally depicted in sermons . She works both inside and outside of her home . In the Bible , the term wife encodes a set of productive and managerial tasks that , along with a woman 's reproductive role , were essential to the existence of the Israelite household . There is no equivalent understanding of " wife " as a social category in the modern West , where women 's household work does not usually contribute to the family economy and tends to be ignored , trivialized , minimized , or otherwise degraded . The often insulting idea of " just a wife and mother " would have had no meaning in the biblical world . Or as Rabbi Rosenfeld said at the beginning of his lecture on Proverbs 31 : " First of all , let 's get one thing straight . Women have ALWAYS worked outside the home , and EVERY mother is a ' working mother ! " Women 's work was necessary for the survival of the family , and she generated income for the family . Textiles - the spinning , weaving , and making of fabric goods - drove the ancient economy for 20 , 000 years . Women 's work was the backbone of the ancient economy and the ancient household . And I will love Deirdre McCloskey forever for pointing that out to me . So this woman was much more than the imaginary 50s housewife some segments of Christianity hold up as the good Christian wife . I 'm not hating her as much . Then I discovered something about her this week that I never knew , and I may just be darn close to falling in love with her . While reading up on this passage one of the writers pointed out that this poem is filled with military imagery . In fact the word translated as capable in " a capable wife who can find ? " is hayil . When it 's used for a man it 's translated as " strong " or " mighty , " and it 's normally used in the context of war . It also means the power that is able to acquire strength through gaining money and raising an army . Right off the bat , we are told this is a strong woman who knows how to get things done . In verse 16 she " considers a field and buys it . " Here the word " buy " may not the best translation of the Hebrew . Literally , she " takes " the field , and this word is normally used of an army taking a city or a region . It means to conquer and subdue a territory . This verse shows the woman looking at a wild field and figuring out how to tame it and subdue it into a vineyard . In the Judean highlands turning a plot of land into a vineyard took a massive amount of work . The soil was rocky , and all of the rocks had to be removed , then the land terraced , and the rocks built into a wall , so that the vineyard didn 't wash down the hillside at the first good rain . It also had to be terraced to make sure that enough water stayed in the vineyard so the vines could grow . Like a general this woman surveys her battlefield and plans her attack . Anyone who has ever gardened knows this is not an over - exaggeration . Verse 17 has the most obvious military language : " she girds herself with strength , and makes her arms strong " or in the good old King James Version , she " girded up her loins . " Men normally girded up their loins in the Bible for a heroic deed ; a deed that involved fighting . Having a strong arm is another Biblical metaphor for being battle ready . The end of the poem comes back to where we began with the word hayil . In verse 29 the woman 's husband tells her : " Many women have done excellently , but you surpass them all . " Here hayil is translated as " done excellently . " The woman has done deeds of strength and power that again refer to warfare and gaining wealth . " Surpass them all " is another idiom for military activity - as in the army met the enemy and bested them . So we see that this woman is not only pictured as a manager , entrepreneur , and merchant , she is also pictured as a military leader . There is nothing submissive or docile about this woman . She makes textiles , buys , sells , and fights for her family 's survival and good . And yes , she still sounds like SuperWoman . But there is a reason for that . Just as this woman is not the fictional housewife of the 50s , she is also not just a woman either . I 've always wondered why Proverbs 31 ended with this poem about this woman . So have others . It seems odd . And after all the focus on wisdom and gaining it , why does this book end with a woman going about her mundane daily activities ? Part of the answer to this is how the Jewish sages defined wisdom . Wisdom was not just knowledge gained for knowledge 's sake . Wisdom was knowledge that was to be applied to everyday life . In the Bible God created the world and set boundaries and laws to govern what she created . Wisdom sought to define those boundaries and apply those laws to their daily lives . This woman is living wisdom . But there is another reason why this book ends with a woman . It began with one . At the end of Proverbs 1 we are introduced to Dame Wisdom . We find out that Wisdom was with God when God created the heavens and earth . In fact , She was the master designer and architect of creation . She watched God bring order out of chaos . She rejoiced in creation , and calls out in the public square and city gates for men and women to follow her . She wants us to learn Her ways , so that She can give us good lives . She builds a house , prepares a feast , then goes out again to call everyone to come into Her house , eat Her feast , and learn Her ways . She continues to create and bring order to the world . After the tabernacle and temple are finished in the Hebrew Scriptures , there are huge feasts for all the people to celebrate . Wisdom does the same . She builds Her house then invites everyone over to celebrate . The last thing we hear about in Proverbs 9 is Dame Wisdom . And the last thing we hear about in the book of Proverbs is the Wise Woman in the 31st chapter . The reason Proverbs ends with this woman is that it is showing us Dame Wisdom in action . This woman does everything Wisdom does in earlier chapters : she creates , brings order to chaos , feeds and clothes her family , and takes care of the poor . She doesn 't just live wisely , she is Wisdom Incarnate . These verses do not describe what the typical woman of that day is like . They are showing us Wisdom hard at work in the everyday world . She shows us what we are called to do . Just like Dame Wisdom and the Wise Woman of Proverbs 31 we are called to live wisely in our everyday , mundane lives . We are called to learn what God wants , where our boundaries are and live by that everyday . For ancient Israel the boundary was there is only one God , YHWH , and YHWH alone will you worship and obey . For us as Christians our boundary is to love God with all our heart , soul , strength , and mind and to love our neighbor as ourselves . That is our boundary . Day by day we have to figure out how to live that love at home , at work , in the store , on the sidewalk , and at church . Within the boundary of that love , we are called to create , to order the chaos around us , to build God 's realm and to celebrate God 's reign here on earth . Or as Elizabeth Barrett Browning put it : Our call is to see God in our world and then live what we see . When we follow Wisdom and listen to Her , our eyes will be opened , and we will see the holy in everything . When we see the holy all around us then we will know how to live our own lives and show that holiness , God 's love , to others .
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Reality is a lie . Lying , therefore , makes this world go around . Accept it . Embrace it . Understand it fully . And most importantly , lie well and for all the right reasons . Miscellaneous It 's hard to believe what he once was . This withering , fleshy stick that stands beside me , hands firmly grasping his walker , is a mere desiccated husk of his former self . Standing now at six feet two inches and a hundred and seventy pounds , he once struck an intimidating pose at six feet five inches and three hundred plus pounds in his prime . He 's an apt metaphor for " America . " A meteoric rise , and an inglorious slide into unrecognizable oblivion . Perhaps that 's the nature of all things . Maybe not . Who cares ? Not me . Not anymore . What a great location for the Veterans Home . Government - owned land immediately downstream of the Nuclear Power Plant that attained criticality for its first unit in 1984 . From the surroundings , it 's obvious that a sizable acreage in proximity to the Nuclear facility was requisitioned by the Federal Government via eminent domain , and now a steady supply of Veterans who helped make it all possible , the Nuclear Power Plant and so much more , can stew in the disguised and unannounced fall - out of their blood , sweat , tears and willful ignorance . Visiting him brings back so many memories . For me it does , at least . Not so much him , because he has no memories . None of his family , at least . He does remember his glory days when he was a star athlete and many worshipped the ground he walked upon . It figures he would remember that , and nothing else . It makes sense . He was a narcissist , afterall , so the most prodigious protuberance of his neural networking would be dedicated to the encoding of his glorification . But I forgive him , even though he asks for no forgiveness . It 's what was expected of him . All he was doing was dutifully fulfilling those expectations , just as he 's doing now . It 's difficult to gauge what Robert 's thinking and feeling right now . He never really had much of a relationship with Dad . Mom divorced Dad and left with Robert and Daniel when they were very young , and considering they were the youngest of eight children , there was no chance for any kind of lasting bond with Dad , even if it was attempted , which , of course , it wasn 't . Robert 's always been about obligation , or at least , the appearance of such . Like so many others , he 's adept at managing perceptions , and engendering a perception of himself as a person who meets and upholds his obligations . The truth is something other than that , but again , who cares ? Not me . Not anymore . When I bring up to Robert various memories and shared experiences of when we were all together before the divorce , he claims he has no memory of any of it . Like Father like Son , I suppose . His Father doesn 't remember anything either . Am I the only one ? Why me ? Why must I be the one to remember ? Why can 't I conveniently forget ? You know what ? I don 't want to forget . I like the memories . They 're what make me , me , not some fabricated shell or mask with which to fool the world . I have nothing to hide , and I am not ashamed . I look at those experiences , and most experiences , as priceless , rather than something to be eschewed , or worse , precluded . I cherish the memories and will always hold them dear , Robert and the rest of them be damned . It was the climax of a visit that went well for the most part , and as expected , if not a bit awkward , but then , that was also to be expected . When Robert and I arrived , they were gathered around a table in the cafeteria . We dispensed with the obligatory around - the - table hellos , and then turned to face the Master of Ceremonies ; Dear Old Dad . He had no clue who we were ; It was obvious enough to me , and Robert indicated later that it was obvious to him , but with the added caveat , " he never knew me anyway , and I really never knew him , so it really doesn 't matter . " I wanted to say , " well , why did you come then ? " But , I already knew the answer . At least he spared his wife and two sons the obligatory burden , and he managed to talk me into excusing my wife and two children . Mine were ready to go , and willing to go . They were curious about my Father , and from a purely sociological perspective , it would have been a fulfilling experience . Instead , they stayed behind at the hotel with Robert 's wife and children . Not next time . Yeah , right , as if there will be a next time . After the initial greetings , we settled in for a crude version of Kabuki Theater , with each of us playing our little part and tip - toeing around the massive elephant in the middle of the room . I did my best to keep things moving along at a steady pace , careful to interject levity at just the right moments in order to mitigate the obvious . Well , obvious to some , but apparently not obvious to others . Simon knew Dad had no earthly clue who we were . He acknowledged to me later that evening that Dad pretends to know us because it 's expected of him . Since Maggie and Simon are the ones who secured a bed for him at this home , and are also the ones who see him every other week , he remembers their names and that they are his children , but only because they tell him they are . He goes through the motions for them , so he 's as much a part of the Kabuki as the rest of us . Maggie , on the other hand , doesn 't believe Dad has completely lost his memory , and instead , believes he is just being deceptive so as to avoid the onus of uncomfortable social interaction . Seriously , she really believes this , and there is no convincing her otherwise . She believes it is a conspiracy . A ruse . Dad is being surreptitious . The irony is , my parents always thought this of Maggie for the better part of her formative years . They were wrong about Maggie , and Maggie is wrong about Dad . Maggie was , and is , too clumsy to be surreptitious . It was Katrina , not Maggie , who was the sly and surreptitious one , but in our parent 's eyes , it was , and will , always be Maggie . But who cares ? Not me . Not anymore . Katrina 's diagnosis of Dad 's mental state is , like everyone else 's , telling . She believes that he remembers some of us , because , of course , that " some of us " includes her . If she 's said it once , she 's said it thirty times at least , maybe more . " Every time I come into town to visit , Dad remembers me . Isn 't it weird that he remembers me but not other people ? I wonder why ? " No you don 't , Katrina , you don 't wonder why . You know why , and you know what Katrina , I understand . You need to feel special , and if this perspective makes you feel special , then by all means , continue the lie . You might as well . Everyone else is , including me . Irony comes in waves , and Katrina 's diagnosis is yet another wave of irony following close on the heels of Maggie 's conspiracy theory . No one remembers the following but me . Imagine that . Not even Mom , but that 's not surprising . Unlike Dad , her memory loss is voluntary and selective . This memory didn 't make the cut . It just so happens that when Dad 's Father was on his death bed in the hospital after a short struggle with cancer that had metastasized to his brain , he allegedly called out for my Father at the very end , just hours before taking his last breath . This is indelibly imprinted in my memory because my parents talked about it incessantly after it happened . My Mother was as guilty as my Father of playing it up . " Can you believe that ? He called out for your Father ! It shows that your Father was always his favorite ! " Narcissists , like drug addicts , have their enablers . The moral to that ironic story ? Like Father , like Daughter , but don 't tell daughter that . Any of them . As I sat there , going through the motions , playing Kabuki without the formal Kabuki attire , I couldn 't help but notice the surroundings . The inmates , for lack of a better term , began to shuffle into the cafeteria where we were holding our theatrical family reunion . They were in varying states of physical and psychical decay , many much worse off than Dad . One fellow was just sitting there in his wheel chair in the middle of the cafeteria , smiling at nothing , or maybe it was something , who knows , soaked from the waist down in his own urine . Maybe that was the reason he was smiling . If it was , who can blame him ? I 'd smile too , if I , and my urine , were in his shoes . There 's nothing like a good piss for what ails you . This guy had it right . You get the picture of the scene . Like something out of The Walking Dead , if you 're not paying close enough attention . Heartbreaking , really . I wanted to ask them , was it all worth it ? I 'm glad they couldn 't answer . They 'd probably say yes , and that 's not the answer I wanted to hear . What was most stark of all about this somber setting , was the view out the windows which covered the entire north - facing wall as if the wall were one contiguous window . Filling it almost entirely was the specter of the Nuclear Power Plant with its behemoth cooling towers releasing trace amounts of radiation and no one the wiser . If they were the wiser , I don 't think they 'd care , so long as the electricity kept flowing . The lights must stay on at any cost , birth defects and cancer included . At one point , I stared at this veritable portrait so long , I swear I saw it glow . These poor souls . They 're not much more than guinea pigs . Set them up close to the Nuclear Plant in the winter of their years , and medically monitor them for any anomalies . Nah , they wouldn 't do that . Maggie and her conspiracy theories must be rubbing off on me . Who am I fooling , anyway ? We 're all guinea pigs of one sort , or another . How presumptuous to pity them , when we 're all occupying varying circles of Dante 's Hell . A bit of laughter snaps me out of my trance . The glow of the Power Plant dissipates . Dad 's hair and eyebrows gather my focus . My God , he has a full head of gray hair . His hair has never been this long , this dry , and this unruly . And those eyebrows . He 's an Andy Rooney double . He 's not alone . All the males , and even some of the females , wandering aimlessly about are Andy Rooney doubles . Hopefully , I can skip this circle of Dante 's Hell . Anything but Andy Rooney , except Rupaul . I 'll take Andy Rooney over RuPaul any day , but I don 't think I have a choice in the matter . These folks certainly didn 't . Or did they ? Something to consider . Getting back to the hair on Dad 's head , something 's missing . Yes , that 's it , there is no Vaseline . I have never seen Dad without Vaseline in his hair . That 's probably what kept him from graying all these years . It was the Vaseline . Petroleum Jelly is the key to a youthful appearance , and it 's economical . Who would have thought ? My Dad , that 's who . And to think , Broads pay top dollar for snake - oil cosmetics that don 't even work , when they could be slathering themselves in Vaseline and basking in the Fountain of Youth . Oh well , their loss . Or not . Who cares ? Not me . Not anymore . Mom . Why is she here , I wonder ? She divorced him over thirty years ago and it wasn 't amicable . Their relationship , or lack thereof , after the divorce , was cold and awkward . She can 't really care for him any longer , or have any positive feelings for him at all . But here she is . Why ? I don 't know . I can only guess . She 's much tougher to figure than Dad ever was . He was , and still is , an open book . Simple . Easy to read . She was , and still is , a neurotic mess . A Shape - Shifter . Elusive . Difficult to read , and difficult to corner and pin down . If they were trees , and you sawed through them after they had fallen , Dad would have , at most , several rings . Mom , on the other hand , would have thousands . She still has her memory , though , and her wits about her . As for her mental acuity , it 's stellar despite the many lives she has led , or maybe because of all those lives . Something to consider . Maybe she 's here now precisely because he no longer remembers her , so she doesn 't fear his presence . Either way , she 's playing her part rather well , smiling and grinning at just the right moments . I 'm not begrudging the smiling and grinning , believe me . In fact , I make it a point to elicit it , because the last thing I want are any of those awkward silences . They may be silent for some , but for me , they are deafening , and must be strategically avoided . Thankfully , we didn 't have any , but there were some close calls . As our somewhat contrived conversation came to a close , Simon suggested Robert and I stay with Dad a little longer to catch up . What ? Catch up on what , exactly ? He doesn 't know who we are , and conversely , we don 't know who he is now , either . Fortunately , Dad recoiled at the notion , and suddenly appeared nervous and agitated . Simon , thankfully , abandoned his delusional idea and indicated that maybe it would be a better idea if he , Robert and I accompanied Dad back to his room . We agreed . Crisis averted . Despite undergoing major surgery a year earlier at age eighty six to repair a broken hip , this Old Codger could high - tail it . Sure , he was using a walker , but still , it was quite impressive . Many in their mid - to - late eighties don 't recover from hip surgery . It 's the final nail in the coffin for quite a few elderly . It 's a testament to his physical resilience . He may not be mentally durable , but he sure is physically . His room was cramped . Well , it 's really not his room since he shares it with a platoon of former soldiers . It looked to be about five or six beds in this space , and each of the inmates had a very modest carve - out separated from the other carve - outs by a curtain , just as it is in a hospital . There was a small bookshelf by the side of Dad 's bed . On it was an assortment of knick - knacks various visitors had brought him over the past couple of years , to include pictures and sentimental cards for various occasions , i . e . Easter and his Birthday . Simon asked Dad , " where 's the picture of your buddy Al , Dad ? " Dad shrugged his shoulders as if to say he didn 't know , or else , he had no clue what Simon was talking about , and didn 't know how to respond . I know him well enough to know it was probably the latter . Simon wouldn 't let it go , though . He informed Robert and me that Al was Dad 's buddy , and Dad had a picture of him on his bookshelf . Al had passed away the week before , and now his picture was missing . I searched the bookshelf , and found a picture frame turned backwards on the bottom shelf . I lifted it to take a look , and showed it to Simon . " Is this Al , " I asked ? " Yeah , that 's him , " said Simon . Did Dad do that ? Interesting . Whether it was a fully conscious act , or not , it certainly was symbolic . In this place , when you 're gone , you 're gone . It 's the last stop before the Big House , if you believe in the Big House . If you don 't , and I don 't , it 's still the last stop . If he did place that picture on the bottom shelf , he understood that , at least subconsciously . What 's odd is that I cannot recollect hugging him goodbye . As if it matters . He was not an affectionate man . If we wanted a hug when we were young , we hugged him . He never hugged back . You were lucky if in that process , you got a light pat on the back or shoulder . Once I was in my teens , there were no more attempts on my part to solicit any reciprocating affection from him . I considered it a lost cause , and never gave it another thought . Until Daniel 's wedding thirteen years prior . We were saying goodbye at the airport . I was about to turn and head to my gate when he grabbed a hold of me and hugged me . Not a weak , ineffectual hug either . It was a real hug . He meant it . There was something behind it . Of course , I hugged back , but I was completely flummoxed and dumb - founded . This was entirely unexpected . And to top it off , after we released each other from our hardy embrace , he said " I love you , Nicholas . " " I love you too , Dad , " I said . And with that , I turned and headed to my gate to meet my wife who was waiting for me . Along the way , I raised my hand to wipe the moisture that collected just beneath my eyes . It was the last I saw of my Father . What I just visited was not him . It was his ghost . Simon , Robert and I made our way to the elevator and took it down to the lobby . Along the way to the front door , the path is set up in such a way that it resembles a gantlet . At the narrowest point of that gantlet , you must stop and pay some form of tribute to the troll to mean , you must turn in your visitor badge and listen to his antics . Sorry , I mean the security guard . He is troll - like because of his obvious attitude . He 's a little man who enjoys what little power he has in this position . It 's a position of authority , albeit mostly symbolic , but nonetheless it 's authority , and this otherwise pathetically insecure man milks it for all it is worth . He 's one of those types who likes to joke , but his jokes are not funny . You couldn 't convince him of that , though . He cracked a few when we entered the building , and he did again when we were exiting the building . I cannot remember any of these jokes because they were so dull and unremarkable . What I do remember is the last one he cracked was blatantly over - the - line and at the expense of the only female in earshot . It made me uncomfortable , and judging from Simon 's and Robert 's expressions , it made them uncomfortable . Not that it mattered to this little man . What a weasel he is to use the cover of his authority to disrespect and ignore personal boundaries . I wondered what his fellow employees thought of him . Surely , some of them hated his guts but had to swallow back their disgust in order to make it to retirement and the Government pension pot at the end of the dubious rainbow . What is the point of a security guard in a facility of this nature ? From the looks of these inmates , and let 's face it , they are inmates because they are not here by choice , and they are not free to come and go , even if they had the wherewithal to do so , they 're not going anywhere , so why the added precaution of an obnoxious troll with a gun and badge ? Is it the result of nine eleven and all the ridiculous draconian legislation that followed in its wake ? The legislation that had already been crafted many years in advance and was waiting for just the right event to come along to implement and put into force ? That could be it , but I don 't know for certain . If it is the case , it sounds rather absurd to think Muslim terrorists would fly planes into Veterans homes , or bother to blow themselves up in Veterans homes . That would be mercy killing , and according to conventional wisdom as imparted by the Western mainstream media , Muslim terrorists are not known for their mercy . A more likely target of the Muslim terrorists , using their favorite weapon of choice per the mainstream media , the jet , would be the Nuclear Power Plant , the seeming portrait of which fills the entire set of windows of the fourth - floor cafeteria . But hey , who am I to question ? Little men need jobs . Otherwise , little men get violent and beat their wives and children if they have any , and if they don 't , they find someone else to beat and maybe even murder . Maybe Barney Fife 's not here to keep the inmates in , or the Muslim terrorists out , but instead to keep the drug addicts out . This is a quasi - hospital environment , and as such , it no doubt carries a host of drugs . Drug addicts are brilliant at sleuthing and reconnoitering all potential repositories of drugs . I know this because I watched Gus Van Sant 's Drugstore Cowboy starring Matt Dillon . If I had to guess , Andy 's sidekick has his job for a combination of the reasons provided above , and maybe a few reasons I left out . Either way , I 'm glad I don 't have to work with him or see him evI 'm being unduly harsh on this poor guy , perhaps . I have a tendency to think the worst , and often as a result , I 'm pleasantly surprised because the worst , or anything even closely resembling it , rarely manifests . So , take that all those who say " look at the glass as half full . " This way works well for me . It keeps a REAL smile on my face , not that Miss America , contrived smile that looks like it has to be replaced every so often like contact lenses due to wear and tear . What 's he like outside of this place ? Is he like so many others , rather unremarkable ? Most likely . Maybe he 's a Shriner . Come on , you 've seen them , they wear the funny hat that looks likes an inverted Dixie cup with a tassel dangling off it . They collect money once or twice a year at major , or not so major , intersections . He could be an upstanding member of his church . The coach of his daughter 's softball team . Or , he could have a secret hideaway in his basement where he keeps chains , whips , lots of leather and ball gags and The Gimp . I 've always been curious as to how many of the latter we run across in our lives . Remember the picture of Rosalyn Carter and John Wayne Gacy ? Had Gacy not been caught , the First Lady never would have known that she was in the company of a murderous psychopath . The same holds true for her brush - up to Mohammad Rezā Shāh Pahlavī , another murderous psychopath . They said it couldn 't be done ! We 're finally breaking free of this place , and pulling away from Barney Wayne Gacy 's orbit . The finish line , meaning the front doors , are just a few paces away . Cue the Chariots of Fire theme music . It 's been a tremendous triumph . If we had stayed much longer , we may have caught incontinence . The dreaded , deafening silences were avoided . The picture of Al was reoriented to its rightful place . I don 't think the security guard has my address , and if so , once we 're through those doors , I , nay we , escape the possibility of his hideaway with its hellish cache of torturous implements . Another pleasant surprise . Life is full of them when you view the glass as empty . Hold on ! Cut the Chariots of Fire theme music ! Something 's not right with this metaphor . It 's Simon . He doesn 't fit it , quite literally , or more appropriately , the metaphor doesn 't fit him . Sure , Robert and I from a distance , fully clothed , could pass for Olympians , at least in the Curling competition . But Simon ? It 's not happening . There 's not one single word that can describe his appearance , but several will help paint this prodigious picture . Gelatinous . Rotund . A massive , shapeless enormity . That 's right , Simon 's FAT . I know , I know , we 're not supposed to say anything about fat people . It 's now a disease , like everything else . NO , it 's not ! ! I don 't accept that politically correct nonsense . Obesity is not a disease . In fact , let 's drop the euphemism obese , and call it what it is . It 's fat . They 're fat . And , they 're fat because they have chosen to be fat . They 're fat because they 're too lazy to address their gelatin . It 's difficult now to imagine what he once looked like . It 's a complete transformation . He was , once upon a time , a handsome lad at six feet two , one hundred eighty - five pounds with thick , full brown hair and Aryan blue eyes . It 's amazing what thirty years of negligence , supplemented heavily with stress and high - fructose corn syrup , can do . Simon , amongst other things , is a paean to the insidiousness that is Corporatism . Unlike obesity , Corporatism is a disease . A scourge . A pox upon this house . Simon is the end result of a life of servitude to his lord and master , the Corporation . It gave him high blood pressure . It gave him Type II diabetes . It gave him Hodgkin 's lymphoma . It took his gall bladder . It took his health . It sucked every last drop of lifeblood from him and destroyed his soul . And still , he worships it daily . He now resides in Bentonville , Arkansas , the Mecca of Corporatism , and is in the employ of the Grand Ayatollah of corporations , Walmart . No doubt , they 've taken out a Dead Peasant policy on him . But hey , it was all worth it . He 's raised three children that would make the leaders of the Third Reich brim with pride and envy . The perfect Aryans , in both appearance and character . He whipped them into shape early on . Sports and good grades were mandatory . Any form of rebellion was out of the question , and was not tolerated . He went three for three . All three are dutiful soldiers . Complete obeisance . No critical thought . Onward they march . Their father perfected in them what he wanted most for himself , but fortunately , Mom and Dad weren 't up to the task , or else , I would be brimming with pride and envy at his children just like Hitler , Himmler , Göring and Goebbels are from their graves . With each additional pound , Simon has lost an equivalent measure of his masculine essence . And , the same holds true for overweight women . Each extra pound beyond optimal weight inversely correlates with the magnitude of feminine essence . Fat people , despite their gender , lose their sexually defining features and appear asexual . Oddly enough , this has resulted in Simon closely resembling our oldest sister , Joanna . She 's also fat . Very fat , just like Simon . In fact , so fat , she had the trendy lap - band surgery performed on her to help her lose weight because she couldn 't do it without the intervention of the surgeon 's scalpel . She has succeeded in real estate , but gelatin is just too formidable a foe . I will give credit where it is due . The surgery has resulted in her losing approximately eight pounds . Only one hundred and fifty to go . Woo Hoo ! ! The issue of their weight is off the table , by the way . It 's a taboo topic . Isn 't that convenient ? By precluding criticism , as constructive as it may be , they can ignore their inadequacy . I guess most people do the same thing with their own ignored pet issues , me included . Who cares , anyway ? Not me . Not anymore . I 'm sure by Simon 's standards , he 's a resounding success . Mission Accomplished , and yet he 's still here , attempting to do more even though the Corporate Vampire has taken everything Simon had to offer . He 's now taken on a new role . His children have been absorbed and assimilated into the mainstream . The goal is that they too will make the same offering as him , but there is never any guarantee , just probability . Perhaps this miserable sot is sticking around to grease the skids for that offering expected of his progeny . He now has grandchildren . They must not be allowed to stray . Simon will stay as long as it takes for the baton of total sacrifice to be passed successfully , and if it 's not , at least he died trying . The reality is , even in conventional terms , Simon is a disappointing underachiever . On paper , for whatever it 's worth , he is far and away the most intelligent of us eight children . He was the model student before he was hit with an illness in his freshman year of high school that nearly took his life , which was quite impressive when I look back , considering Mom and Dad no longer supported achievement of any sort . After the fourth , or perhaps the fifth , child they simply succumbed to the terminal chaos , and didn 't even bother to maintain the illusion of control . He was a straight A student , dutifully completing assignments and projects on time and never missing a day of school . That all changed when he fell ill with a raging fever and developed a severe rash of pinprick - sized red dots over his entire body . The family physician , one who still made housecalls , had no diagnosis so he referred him to a specialist in the local area . It was determined Simon 's kidneys were malfunctioning and they ran batteries of tests to determine the cause of the fever and rash . The local specialist capitulated after failing to diagnose the illness and referred to specialists at a reputable hospital a hundred miles away in the City of Brotherly Love . Once there , after another prolonged battery of tests , Simon was diagnosed with Aplastic Anemia , a condition that occurs when your body stops producing enough new blood cells , leaving you feeling fatigued and at higher risk of infections and uncontrolled bleeding . With current medical advances , this is rarely a life - threatening disease , and the prognosis for those who are diagnosed with this affliction is quite positive . But that was not the case in the early seventies . The prognosis for this condition at that time was not positive , and Simon was not expected to live . At the time , I was eight or nine , so it was difficult to grasp the enormity of the situation . All I knew was Simon was sick and wasn 't at home . What was serendipitously favorable about it was my parents were distracted and I was left to my mischievous devices . When the cat 's away , the mice will play , and play we did . Those were blissful days . I wreaked havoc and was never held to account , all thanks to Simon 's sacrifice . Simon was throwing himself on the alter from an early age as you can see , albeit this particular throwing was involuntary . Still , I was grateful , but it wasn 't all good . As the oldest child , my parents leaned heavily on Joanna to help keep the litter in line . When Simon initially fell ill and was hospitalized , Mom and Dad informed her that she would not be able to attend her Senior Prom . She was furious . The Prom meant everything to her . She had anticipated it for four years , or longer . She had picked out the dress and secured her dream date , and now Simon had to go and ruin everything . She lashed out at my parents and in the heat of the moment said what should never be said , and thought what should never be thought . She said , " I hope Simon dies . " In the silence between the utterance of that selfish and callous statement , and the scorned fury it was about to unleash in Mom and Dad , especially Dad , you could have heard a pin drop . It may be the reason I have an aversion to deafening silences , so traumatic was this incident to me . Needless to say , Dad beat her to a pulp without leaving a physical scratch and / or bruise on her . He was quite adept at manhandling you without actually physically harming you . The psychological impact was the same as being bruised and / or scratched , but with the benefit that there was no evidence trail left behind for the department of social services to base a case upon . Joanna laid motionless on the floor for hours after that beating . Periodically , I would come close to see if she was still breathing and when she noticed my presence , she would start to sob and say , " Nicholas , please help me . " What was I supposed to do ? Kill Simon for her ? Instead , I stroked her hair and told her I was sorry Dad did that to her . I was too young to detect melodrama . Joanna was the queen of it . The doctors were wrong . Simon did live . They said it was a miracle , but sent him on his way with the caveat that his life could very well be shortened as a result of the illness . Allegedly , they pulled Mom and Dad aside , and in the strictest confidence , asserted that Simon may not make it to forty , fifty max . That confidence was consistently betrayed over the years . Simon 's Sword of Damocles became a Red Badge of Courage , and Simon was rendered untouchable . No one was allowed to criticize or challenge him in any way , but he had carte blanche to run rough shod over you , and you had to take it because he was going to die before the rest of us . It 's true . I put it to the test , and ironically , Joanna played surrogate to my parents in doling out the punishment . Simon had come back from the hospital and was still very weak and frail . A party was thrown for his return home , and our cousins , who I adored , were invited for the occasion . I was in a giddy mood because the cousins were there and I lost control of my impulses and made a joke at Simon 's expense . It was inconsiderate and wrong of me . There is no disputing that , but in no way was it the equivalent of saying " I hope Simon dies . " I can 't even remember what I said , exactly , but I do remember what happened next was not in proportion to what I said . Before I knew it , I felt a sudden and stark pain in the periphery of the top of my skull and my head was jerking this way and that , involuntarily . Joanna had grabbed me by the hair and jerked me out of my seat . She then proceeded to smack me in the face whilst continuing to shake me around by the hair all the while saying " how could you say something like that you inconsiderate little brat . He almost died , you know , and here you are making fun of him . " Of course , I began to cry , or maybe even shriek , more so out of shear embarrassment , although what she was doing did physically hurt . Dad 's beatings didn 't evoke as much pain as this . His beatings were perfunctory . This beating had some passion behind itSimon was never right after that illness . He still remains innately intelligent by conventional standards , but he lost his will to achieve excellence . He withdrew into a shell . I actually felt sorry for him in those initial years after the illness . He became an introverted geek . Until his second year after graduating high school when he decided to remake himself and form an image . That 's the best way to describe the transformation I witnessed . He created an image . It was purposeful . He did not go to college , which is astonishing considering his past achievements . He went to work for Dad in the grocery store next to the Buick dealership ( I would spend countless hours roaming and exploring this place as though it was a new planet ) and across the street from the recently constructed Pantry Pride Supermarket . He earned enough money to get a new car ; a 1976 Monte Carlo , burgundy with a darker maroon landau top and two - tone deep maroon accent on the wings . I loved that car and felt proud when I was with my friends and they would " oooh " and " ahhhh " when he drove by . " That 's my brother , " I would proudly think to myself . He then proceeded to teach himself how to drink by locking himself in his room with a fifth of vodka and a frozen container of limeade . Most of the time , he would stay in there all night until he passed out . Sometimes he would come out and get in the car and drive somewhere . " There 's a killer on the road . " He bought a completely new wardrobe and an entire selection of popular eight track tapes to include the dreaded Meatloaf . He started smoking . Marlboros . He was a new man . He even developed a new hairstyle . He was coming out of his shell in style , leather jacket and all . He was ready to tackle the mean streets after a long hibernation . The rest is history . Look at him now . He didn 't tackle the mean streets . The mean streets tackled him . Who cares , anyway ? Not me . Not anymore . As we exited the building , Maggie , Katrina and Mom could be seen conversing several hundred yards away in the parking lot . It was cold and damp , and the light mist - like precipitation that shrouded us annoyingly coated my glasses , forcing me to squint to see between the proximate drops of condensation adhering to the lenses . I need Prelex , but the fifteen to twenty grand is difficult to justify when other more pressing needs are in line before it . I suppose I 'll have to wait thirty more years for cataract surgery covered by Medicare . Yeah , right , as if Medicare will still be a viable program by then . As if this will still be a viable planet by then . It 's gloomy and depressing , especially after that visit . A subtle but offensive odor has alerted my olfaction , and an odd metallic taste has settled in my mouth . Perhaps the trapped air from the low is concentrating the industrial pollutants as is characteristic with weather systems such as this . Whatever the case , it 's nasty and noticeable , and unlike any pollution I have experienced heretofore . I sure hope this clears in time for Joshua 's wedding in Tom 's River . The forecast indicates it will , but you know how that goes . An ominous prelude , nonetheless . This was atypical weather for the second week of July in the Northeast . A blast of Arctic cool air in the form of a low had stalled for a day or two , and cold air was trapped at the surface with thick cloud cover serving as an SPF 1 , 000 sunblock . The highs and lows during this occurrence were practically equivalent , hovering in a range of fifty - five to sixty degrees . We didn 't pack for this . The weather just days before was record high temps . High nineties during the day and middle seventies during the night . The cloud ceiling was very low , and visibility was greatly reduced . We battled this rain the entire way from Manhattan yesterday . The weather coupled with the traffic made the drive an exhausting challenge for someone who takes their driving seriously . Why people can 't go the speed limit or greater , I don 't understand . If you can 't hack it , then don 't drive . Leave it to those who can , and we could eliminate much of the traffic . That , and make it a requirement to ship most things by rail rather than truck . The truck traffic on the highways these days is absurdly hazardous . It is insanity . It was our fourth visit to Manhattan in six years . I love New York ! Yes , that 's cliché , but it 's true . I guess I should say WE love New York . Gabriella , Erin and Sydney are equally enthusiastic and appreciative of our pilgrimages to the Big Apple . This year did not disappoint . We decided to drive in versus take the train from Philly 's 30th Street station . We approached Manhattan at approximately ten o ' clock in the evening . The view was spectacular . " City at night . City of lights . " We used I - 78 to the Holland Tunnel , and once in Manhattan took Water St . south toward the financial district where we picked up FDR Expressway . We took FDR around the Southern tip of Manhattan and proceeded north up the East Side to the Marmara apartment hotel at East 94th St . Unfortunately , I didn 't get to experience the view like the passengers . I was often distracted navigating the bustling New York City traffic , but I did sneak glimpses here and there , and that partial satiation was enough to make me anticipate an exciting stay . The Marmara was a great choice . Quite a juxtaposition from the New York Palace where we stayed on our last visit . The rooms at the New York Palace are typical , but the lobby and courtyard are swanky , and of course , right across the street is the famous St . Patrick 's Cathedral where the blood of the lamb flows in perpetuity , absolving the brethren of the innumerable little murders that occur daily in the name of the Father . The owners of the New York Palace sunk some cash into the veneer , no doubt to capitalize on first impressions . For most , it probably has the intended effect , meaning they 'll overlook other obvious flaws , but not us . Despite the ornate decor of the lobby , it is just a hotel , like all the others . The Marmara , conversely , has a no frills lobby . It was previously an apartment building reconstituted into a hotel . The rooms are not those of a typical hotel . They are like , well , like an apartment . Go figure . And the feature that impressed me the most was our own private balcony ; something not too many hotels in Manhattan offer in this price range . I must admit , the balcony also scared the shit out of me . If I warned the kids once , I warned them ten times or more ; " don 't play around on the balcony . " " We don 't want to suffer the same fate as Eric Clapton . " True to form , they didn 't listen , and I had to admonish them right away . I holler because I care . I had a t - shirt that said that . I used it as a nightshirt . It 's now in a landfill somewhere . Who cares ? Not me . Not anymore . Syd , like myself , apparently has a fear of heights , but Gabriella and Erin were like The Flying Wallendas . The height didn 't bother them a bit . Syd and I , on the other hand , were like Dr . Richard Thorndyke in High Anxiety , remaining as close to the sliding door as possible when out on the balcony and holding on to anything affixed to the side of the building . At moments like this , I get a feeling that 's difficult to describe . It 's a feeling in my crotch , as though my manly parts are vulnerable and about to be removed . I know that sounds odd , but it 's true . I don 't know how else to describe it . Maybe it has something to do with chakras , or a permutation of castration complex . Maybe I should wear suspenders when I 'm out on balconies . Something to consider . I don 't sleep well on trips , but the Marmara was an exception . Why , I can 't be sure . The bed was exceedingly comfortable . Not a typical hotel bed . And the temp in the room was perfect for sleeping , but both those things still do not explain why I slept the sleep of the dead . Gabriella did too , so it wasn 't just me . Syd and Erin ? They always sleep the sleep of the dead , so they 're no indicator . Perhaps it was the lack of oxygen in the Manhattan air . As much as we love the city , it 's highly polluted , and considering the sweltering temperatures they 'd been experiencing this summer , you know the air pollution was at highly concentrated levels . Yeah , not quite Beijing , but they 're trying . Or , maybe the Marmara staff is pumping a gaseous form of melatonin through the air conditioning system . That would be cool , and a lovely gesture aside from the liability concerns . I can see it now ; melatonin - addled sleepwalkers making their way to the balcony and plunging to their excruciating concrete death thirty stories below . Elevators are awkward . Who wants to be cramped in a small moving box with perfect strangers ? Okay , they 're not perfect . That 's obvious , and it 's what makes elevators practically unbearable . So , I avoid them if I can . Even though our room at the Marmara was twenty some floors up , I managed to take the stairs half the time , at least , and Syd and Erin got in on the act . Not Gabriella , though . That kind of cardio is anathema to her . The women in her family eschew extreme physical exertion , especially the aerobic variety . It 's a Southern thing , in my opinion . Talk about getting your cardio . You don 't need a gym . Just walk the damn stairs every day and you can avoid the senseless gyms that are as awkward , if not more so , than elevators . I don 't know , some people like being in close proximity to others . Pick pockets , for example . Their profession requires physical intimacy . Molesters , too . Elevators and crowded compartments of any sort are most likely a dream come true for molesters . Something to think about the next time you 're on a crowded train , or in a crowded elevator . Beware the touchy - feely types . Also , there are those who are oblivious and indifferent . To them , a muffuletta is a hoagie . It most assuredly is not . The train ride to Buchenwald and Treblinka would have been manageable for people like this . For me , I would have died just at the thought of getting on those trains for all the reasons just mentioned , and some . Speaking of the elevator , the first morning at the Marmara , I decided to take it , and unfortunately the occupants of the room adjacent to ours decided to do so , concomitantly . There was an eclectic mix of people seeking shelter at this establishment . More than likely , it had something to do with the fantastic deals they were offering because the construction work on the long - awaited Second Avenue Subway ( SAS ) , planned since 1929 , was hampering occupancy rates . They were two males who looked characteristically blue - collar . I waved my hand in a gesture for them to enter first . I followed them in and checked to make sure the button for lobby was pressed . " Good morning , " I extended . " Good morning , " both mumbled in synchronicity . The accent was foreign , perhaps Serbian or Bosnian , maybe even Ukrainian or Russian . It was guttural . They were rough around the edges and none too friendly . " Nice hotel , " I mentioned . " Ahuh , " they replied , once again in near synchronicity , their utterance barely decipherable . These were men of few words , obviously , and it was clear they didn 't want to talk , or at least the alpha didn 't . The non - dominant partner appeared to be interested in conversation but knew better than to push the alpha 's buttons . Isn 't it peculiar how certain males bond in pairs typical of these two ? Fred and Barney , Laurel and Hardy , Abbott and Costello , the list goes on and on . These two were an iconic caricature , and they were making me a bit nervous . " Is this how it 's going to go down , " I thought to myself ? I didn 't expect it to be like this . Joubert in Three Days of the Condor told me it would happen this way : " you may be walking , maybe the first sunny day of the Spring , and a car will slow - up beside you , and a door will open , and someone you know , maybe even trust , will get out of the car , and he will smile , a becoming smile , but he will leave open the door of the car , and offer to give you a lift . " I knew I shouldn 't have listened to him . He 's an assassin . You can 't trustI exchanged niceties with the front desk clerk as I approached the front doors , leaving my rococo paranoia in the lobby to be picked up later , no claim ticket needed . Upon exiting the building I offered a " good morning " to the doorman , who reciprocated in kind . He was an amiable fellow , and not just perfunctorily ; he seemed genuinely friendly , to me at least , maybe because I broke down the formal barriers of the employee / customer relationship , letting him know without expressing it explicitly that he didn 't have to pretend with me ; that I didn 't expect it or appreciate it . My mission , should I choose to accept it and I did , at this early hour was to seek and secure the essence of our joie de vivre ; morning coffee . Gabriella and I have one big cup a day early in the morning upon waking . We 're both agnostic , and I would like to say irreligious , but this ritual of morning coffee coupled with a number of other select rituals are so spiritually affecting , they have become a religion in their own right ; so , we 're religious , just not in the conventional , or traditional sense . Both of us reluctantly accepted a downside of this vacation , or most any vacation , would be the quality of our morning cup . Sure , other things would make up for it , but the spiritual satisfaction of the morning coffee ritual correlates positively with the quality of the coffee , and we had , or should I say I had , become quite the barista , and both of us quite the coffee connoisseurs . We so perfected the morning cup , most any other offering just couldn 't compare ; we had to settle for second best , maybe even third or fourth when on the road . That perfect morning cup was an evolution over many years that started with the Eight - O ' clock brand , believe it or not . From Eight - O ' clock we evolved to Starbucks and a French Press until the French Press shattered and we returned to a Braun KF 40 Aromaster 10 with a Krups F203 fast - touch bean grinder . The Braun was a durable drip machine that provided us many years of reliable service and it brewed a decent , but not excellent cup of coffee . Eventually , I found an online coffee shop that delivered a variety of whole - bean coffees superior to Starbucks . Even though Starbucks has made strides to diversify its offerings , its trademark coffee is over - roasted , in my opinion , and Gabriella and I no longer care for it , although we do seek it out as a substitute when on trips because it 's still a second best , or maybe even third or fourth . When the Braun finally succumbed , we replaced it with a Bunn Velocity Brew GR whilst experimenting with a variety of beans over the years . The Bunn , although lightning quick compared to the Braun , didn 't stand the test of time ; it quit on us after only several years , so I painstakingly researched for a superior replacement . We decided on the pricey Technivorm Moccamaster H - 741 from the Netherlands . It 's function over form , so the aesthetic of this model will not appeal to the superficial , but damn , does it ever produce an excellent , flawless cup of coffee , and it does it nearly as quickly as the Bunn and it 's as silent as a Bosch dishwasher . The appearance is industrial and some reviews noted that it hasn 't changed since its introduction in the nineteen sixties . We think it looks better than the overwrought styles of the glitzy , gimmicky brands . It keeps the temperature of the water just below the boiling point of two - hundred degrees Fahrenheit , and incorporates a hollow mixing tube into the lid that extends to the bottom of the glass carafe to mitigate stratification . The brewing spout also contains a flow control knob so you can allow for variable coffee grind immersion times . Several months prior to taking this trip , we had settled on the perfect bean combination ; four scoops of Mocha Java coupled with two scoops of Indian Mala Monsoon and a heaping teaspoon of roasted chicory ground using the same model Krups bean grinder which we have learned over the years works best with paper filters , otherwise the fine grinds seep through into the carafe and into your mug . Mocha Java is the world 's oldest coffee blend , merging Yemen Mocha beans with Indonesian Java beans . Of course , rarely do you find this traditional combination any longer , but suitable and oftentimes superior bean combinations approximate the traditional complex flavor and use the traditional name . The result is nothing short of fabulous , and if you haven 't tried it yet , you must . The marriage of beans , coincidently , really does render a flavor reminiscent of chocolate , even though the name Mocha is indicative of a port in Yemen and has nothing to do with the cocoa tree . Our mugs are large enough that together they hold ten cups per the measurement on the glass carafe . To that , I add two heaping tea - stirring spoons of turbinado sugar and four tablespoons of half and half . It 's pure bliss . Heaven - sent . Liquid perfection in a mug . You become one with it ; a slice of fulfillment . Starbucks will be an injustice . I headed west up 94th St to 3rd Avenue . I wasn 't sure where I was going , but I knew I would find a Starbucks within several minutes of walking , so ubiquitous are they . The air was humid , and although polluted , was mildly pleasant at this early hour with a nice breeze blowing . I was surprised at the number of cynophiles I encountered walking their best friends , and picking up their poop . You would think this is Paris absent the delicious bakeries if you weren 't paying close enough attention . I never realized so many people in Manhattan had pooches , but then again , we 'd never stayed in residential parts of the city previously . Since the Marmara was once an apartment building , it was nestled in a residential section of the upper east side . It was an interesting change of scenery for us ; offering a chance to see how another slice of Manhattan lived , being it 's such an eclectic mix of people . Just as I surmised , not even five minutes of walking had passed before I located a Starbucks at the corner of E . 97th St . and Lexington Ave . As I approached , I made a wide berth around a woman and her Golden Retriever , the latter of whom was in the midst of its morning bowel movement . It , the dog I mean , stared at me ever so pleasantly and calmly as it dutifully went about its business . I 'm glad humans aren 't so unflappably nonchalant about where and how they relieve themselves . If they were , Manhattan , or any city , wouldn 't be quite the same , Mumbai aside . Thomas Crapper is a saint ; blessings to him for his wonderful contribution to humanity . Dogs and cities don 't belong together , especially larger breeds like Golden Retrievers . We have a Golden , and I couldn 't imagine it in Manhattan . It 's downright cruel if you ask me , just as it 's cruel to cage a bird and clip its wings . Birds were meant to fly , and dogs were meant to run and chase . From the looks of the dogs I 've seen on this short walk , they 're neurotically deranged . It 's bad enough we domesticated these former wolves and in doing so bequeathed them with all manner of psychological quirks , but to add further fuel to that fire by confining them in tight quarters is not much better than confining a calf in a dark box to render veal . Be that as it may , I could not , and would not want the repulsive task of picking up the dog 's shit and disposing of it properly . I cringe , and laugh , when I see people doing this , but I suppose it 's better than stepping in it ; but still , what about the residue left behind ? If we were to spray the sidewalk surfaces with a solution that revealed the residue of the dog reliefs , we 'd soon realize we 're all stepping in it anyway . I thought I left the rococo paranoia in the lobby , but alas , it follows me wherever I go . " Think positive thoughts ; you 're on vacation , remember ? " Nah , who cares anyway ? Not me . Not anymore . Starbucks was in the process of coming alive , but not necessarily the employees and the patrons . They were more like zombies . Perhaps years of city life have inured them to all the city has to offer . They 've learned to protect themselves from the stimulation overload by switching to zombie mode . The effect on an outsider looking in like myself , is likened to being on set in the shooting of The Stepford Wives . " I 'll just die if I don 't get this recipe . " Alright , maybe that 's a bit harsh , but without any notable exceptions yet , they 're all on auto - pilot and the vivacious , engaging side of them , if they have one , has been sequestered in a locked file somewhere in the remote reaches of their neural network . You have to chuckle at the absurdity of Starbucks . All I wanted was a simple , sizeable , quality cup of coffee , but the corporate business model doesn 't accommodate such inane , simplistic notions . Instead , they have to hide that simple , sizeable , quality cup in a sea of absurdly pricey and distracting product offerings . Unless you 're familiar with the set - up , this is not an easy endeavor , so make sure you step aside and figure it all out before you get in line and get up to the counter . These people , both the zombified employees and patrons alike , mean business , so there can be no hesitation or questioning . You know what you want , say what you want , pay for it and get out of the way , or else suffer the searing scrutiny of a thousand consternating stares . Amidst the coffee and tea a million ways , to include the bottled Caramel Frappuccino , Cinnamon Dolce Latte , Hazelnut Macchiato , Iced White Chocolate Mocha and Tazo Vanilla Rooibos Tea Latte , I managed to locate a simple , sizeable , quality cup of their brewed coffee of the day , but at Starbucks there are no small , medium or large sizes ; instead , it 's Short , Tall , Grande , Venti and Trenti . Whatever . I despise that word , but this is one of the few times it 's appropriate and applies . I went with two Grandes with steamed milk ; not a Latte , but instead , a lesser amount of milk steamed in order to avoid curdling and to keep the coffee hot since Gabriella and I wouldn 't be sitting down to enjoy it for at least another twenty minutes . Whew ! Finally . All that for coffee . We must be nuts . The things you do for religion . I successfully navigated the pretension and secured the focus of our day - break sacrament . Now , it was just a matter of transporting the blood of our Christ back to the room without dropping it . To drop it would be a tragedy . Success ! I placed the coffee on the altar , in this case the suite 's kitchen table , and proceeded to sweeten my Grande with the requisite amount of sugar . " Through him , with him , and in him . " Stop it . Yes , this is a ritual , but it 's not THAT ritual . Even though I had left the Catholic religion long ago , remaining vestiges will occasionally manifest , to include the prayers priests would recite during various parts of the Mass . As I made my way to the bedroom I took note of Erin and Syd cuddled together , deep asleep on the sofa bed . It touched my heart to see them like this , so peaceful and affectionate with one another . It 's a vision that indelibly imprints in one 's memory , to be recalled when they 're grown and gone , and you withered and lonely . The bedroom was a tomb , cold and dark , and the sleep machine filled it with the sound of bacteria hard at work amplified a million times . You do not jar Gabriella awake . She must be gently roused with a slight wiggle of the toe , and a languid " it 's time to get up . " If you are abrupt with her in any way , you 'll pay dearly for your transgression . Think Lorena Bobbitt on Angel Dust ( PCP ) . Over the years , I perfected a method of rousing her without losing my penis and I employed that tried and true method before exiting the room . While she was rising from the dead , I set up the kitchen chairs out on the balcony and positioned myself in the one closest to the door so I could hold on in case the structure was compromised in any way by the former Director of Humint 's Special Ops goons . The weird feeling in my crotch returned and still I had no suspenders . At this rate , I would end up a eunuch before we left Manhattan . The sliding door tugged at my Cold Dead Hand firmly gripping the handle . Gabriella made her way onto the balcony closing the door , with my Cold Dead Hand attached , behind her . She leaned over the railing and took in the Upper East Side . I was terrified for her . If it was a mouse or a cockroach , she would have been screaming , but what 's to fear about hard concrete twenty some stories below ? Get over it already . She took her seat and a sip from her Starbucks brewed Grande . " It 's good , but not as good as ours , " she admitted . " I agree , it 's not , " I replied and added , " if you 'd have let me bring our coffee maker from home , we wouldn 't have had to settle . " " I told you before , I didn 't want to take the chance of breaking it , " she rebutted . I relented , " I know , and this isn 't terrible coffee . How about this view ? " " I love it , this is great , " she responded . It was great . The sun had risen about a half hour earlier , and Manhattan was changing shifts . The car horns , the jack hammers and drills , the shouts and yelling , the boat whistles and roar of the passenger jets all contributed to a cacophonous katzenjammer that was the heartbeat of the city , and there we were , far above it sitting in the catbird seat , ritualistically at one with our second or third best morning cup . Life is good . This idyllic first morning portended an ideal and fondly memorable several days exploring Manhattan before hitting the road to the Philly Burbs for a dreaded family reunion prior to Joshua 's wedding in Tom 's River New Jersey . Dreaded , because family reunions were nothing more than competitions where siblings showed off their trophies for being practically perfect in every way ; their expensive cars , their plastic husbands , their plastic wives , their Aryan children , their prize - winning pets , their 10 , 000 square feet palaces and their vast knowledge of the universe and their lofty , hard - earned place in it . The persistent rain that accompanied and harangued us the entire trip from Manhattan didn 't help alleviate the mounting uninvited and unsolicited tension . Instead , it was an omen of sorts , more so than we could ever have imagined . As we traversed the parking lot , enveloped by the misty , mid - afternoon weather , to our respective cars parked out front of the Veterans Home , we noticed , concomitantly , that everything aside from the sound of our footsteps on the pavement and our breathing had gone silent . No sound whatsoever . No sounds of insects , birds , traffic , horns or the low - level , almost indiscernible and taken - for - granted and generally ignored , buzz of electricity flowing . It was a deafening silence of another sort - the sort you deeply hoped , yet never acknowledged let alone articulated , you never encountered - ever . We all stopped and looked at one another - Maggie , Katrina , Mom , Simon , Robert and I looked around at one another for a few seconds that seemed like a lifetime and we all understood without saying a word what came next . All our faces were gripped with total abject fear , horror and emphatic hopelessness . We knew . " I should be with Gabriella , Erin and Syd , " I thought . Tears began to well up and a few managed to release and scurry down my cheeks before the awesome flash . The misting ceased immediately , the flash was blinding - a light brighter than a thousand suns , or so it seemed . As I screamed " fuck , no … " I could hear Maggie , Katrina , Simon , Robert and Mom screaming their own improvisational exclamations and pleas to a God who had forsaken them . I couldn 't breath - the oxygen was completely eradicated from the atmosphere and in that same instant of gasping for air that no longer existed , there was an explosion so powerful and overwhelming it catapulted all of us to the ground immediately and in that same moment I experienced an overwhelming , intense , inconceivable burning pain over my entire body - then nothing . Nothing . No sensation . No consciousness . No unconsciousness . Nothing - the thing we dread and fear most of all - more so than suffering , mayhem and murder . No more Dad , Mom , Robert , Simon , Maggie , Katrina , Joanna , Daniel , Joshua , Barney Fife security guard , elevators , Starbucks , morning coffee ritual , Marmara , Manhattan , traffic , Arctic cool fronts in July , Monte Carlo 's , leather jackets , vodka , Aplastic Anemia , hospitals , Senior Proms , Directors of Human Intelligence , rain , mist , dreaded family reunions , weddings , Veterans Homes , nuclear power plants , war , peace , births , deaths , murders , murderers , flowers , trees , bees , birds , insects , animals , love , hate , Gabriella , Erin , Syd and Me . No more Journey . No more anything and no trace it ever existed . All gone in an instant , Just Like That . 3 thoughts on " Just Like That " Segovius says : August 24 , 2015 at 8 : 17 am Barney 's not there for the druggies or the fundies . He 's there - and , of necessity , everywhere - to signal that that the bad guys are out there … . somewhere in the dark , biding time , plotting and waiting … . If they can 't scare you with the bad guys because there are no bad guys then they need to scare you with the necessity of an ubiquitous saviour from the bad guys . Catcher In The Lie says : August 24 , 2015 at 9 : 48 am Good point . And Barney comes in many shapes and sizes , and Barney doesn 't always don a gun and uniform . Barney , like Savoir Faire , is everywhere . Barney 's the Judenrat of this ghetto we call society . There 's a special place in the hell that doesn 't exist for the Barney Judenrat . I like to keep telling myself that , even though it 's all lies . That , and laugh - the prescription that makes it all palatable .
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From the New Frontiers . Ok . My Perfect day . 1st off I would only need about 4 hours sleep . So I could wake up early . I would wake from a nice dream . The morning would be nice and crisp as I walked the dog and my coffee would be perfect . I would get back and ~ Z and ~ L would still be asleep so I would get in a little gaming before ~ Z got up and came in to give me a hug . We would let ~ L sleep in as I changed ~ Z 's but then got a BB show on for her . I would start Breakfast for Myself , ~ L and ~ Z . the Smell would wake up ~ L and I would give her her coffee . Then we would all have breakfast then head up in the mountains for a walk ( or play of some kind ) . There would not be to much sun . We would make it back down town for a late lunch . A storm would come in . but just light rain to start . give us time to walk the mall . Check out how ~ L 's art was moving . I would buy some game stuff and candyWe would make it home before the Storm really broke . There would be thunder and lighting and a little flooding . This would last for a little while and there would be football on TV . my team would be winning . ~ Z would play and watch the game with me and ~ L would do art . After the storm died down and the game was over we would go out to eat . Maybe with some Friends . after that we might get in an hour of card games or something . then we would but ~ Z down and I would do some video games while ~ L did art or we could both watch a movie ( maybe with our friends ) as the storm picks up again . Then we would go to bead and read a little ( maybe other things . . . ) as we hear the rain coming down above us . ( on a sky light ) this is just one perfect day . There is one or two with snow . more with rain and even a few with sun and the sea . also Kung - fu , more reading and and RPG planning would be in there . kayak or music lesson as well . thewildword . ~ d Yes playing Halo and other games . But I had Halo dreams again last night . After staying up to late playing the game . This dream was more about the Flood . It might have given me a story idea . I have also down loaded a game called Blazing Angels . A WWII air combat game . Love it . I might need to get the whole game . ~ L and I had a nice hike last weekend . Would love some more walks . Some friends watched ~ Z . it was nice to get out . After the hike we had a nice dinner with the friends . We also had my parents in last week . It was vary nice to see them . But I think we need to get ~ Z out of the habit of asking for presents . She is 2 and everything she sees she wants . And She has no tact . It is not like her grand parents are not going to spool her . She just should not ask for it . Just need to make sure she grows out of it . ~ Z is a love . She is looking forward to Halloween . So am I . She will have so much fun . Well that is it for now . It is Fall . Vary Fall . Love it . ~ thewildword ~ d Maybe ! so the last 2 nights I have had HALO dreams . I dont remenber what the one was tonights ago . but last nights dream picked up right were I left off playing . Kind of freeked me out having to fight thought the Flood . and when I awoke from the dream I swore I would give myself a day off from it . But now that I am half way though the day . - - I am looking forward to playing again . : ) I am so close to fininshing the game . I need to play . I am playing on normal right now . ( with scoring turned off . Somthing I did not find out about till 1 / 2 thought the game . ) When I am done I will move on to hard . See if I can do that with no help . Make sure I have scoring on for that . and I will start playing with other . I think that is what I really like most about the 360 . playing with others . ~ thewildword ~ d I use the word just about every day . I don 't even think about it . " I hate getting up in the morning . " " I hate the sound of the train at night . " I hate this and I hate that . The problem is I never really thought about the word . I have always used it in place of " I don 't like . " But I came to a stunning reveltion about the word today when I heard it come out of my 2 year olds moth . 1 I realized I say it way to much . and 2 I realized it meaning . Disliking something happens when you have experiences with something and it dose not work for you or you have found it wanting in some way . Hate though is born of fear and ignorance . Dislike you can face and change your mind about . But not hate . You hate because you fear . Hate is irrational . Hate is stupid . You may try to rationalise your hate . But in the end it is something that lives inside of you . I don 't want my child learning hate . I do what her to learn to judge things and decide that some things are bad . Bad for her and the world . but that is not hate . there is no feeling to that , that cant be justified and or changed . I fear that I am not making myself clear . But all I can tell you is that when I heard " I hate that " come out of her moth . I felt like the worst dad ever . I guess really need to watch what I am teaching my little girl . ~ thewildword ~ d Got it . So I got my 360 finely . And yes it is vary fun . But more about that in a second . Some updates . Live is going well I think . Job vary good . Have my own office witch is nice but I do feel vary alone sometimes . That is good and bad I guess . I have been given an opportunity here to really build ( with one other person ) our own department . I think that will happen . The only thing that I don 't like is that right now I am doing more documentation than anything else . I had about 3 weeks of being able to do what ever I thought was needed . not this week . One of the things I love about being here is that I can bike or walk to work and home . It is also right by the creek and ~ Z and ~ L can come up for lunch sometimes . Also there are lots of bunny 's around . ~ Z loves that . I counted 10 bunny 's on my walk home the other day . I still need to start going to class more . or at all . I went once about 3 weeks ago . But then I started doing some contract work and it always seemed that they wanted stuff on nights that I had class . I think the job is done now . but I have though that before and it keeps coming back . I keep getting payed for it though . So that is good . Will help paying off parents for the move , put some $ $ back to catch up on things . That makes me happy . ( and it did help me get the 360 ) On the up side we have been hiking / Walking allot . ~ Z is just amazing on them . She sees things ( like dear and other animals ) before we do . It is vary fun to go on hikes with her . I just wish she would not so easily get distracted by sticks and rocks . Also it seems we really need to be on the look out when we are out . ~ Z and ~ L saw a mountain lion the other day and there have been lots of sightings of mountain lions and bears down near or in town . ~ Z BTW is going nuts . She is always moving , Learning and playing . As close as she gets to staying still is when she is watching Disney videos . We are now going though them all . ( Thank goodness we have video games and pitcher in pitcher . She also sets with me while I play video games sometimes . she will gePosted by So ready to start the new job . I am trying not to be a short timer where I am . But I really am looking forward to my new job . Did the drug test today . I have no worry there . Now I just need it is just time . . . . I am also looking forward to getting out stuff from Seattle this weekend . It is going to be a long drive , but worth it . It will be over . Also I will be seeing some friends up there . I am looking forward to that to . I think one of the things I am looking forward to most is getting back my music . Need my music bad . One thing I hate about where I am is that I keep finding good places to get streaming music and then they block it here . I hate that . HATE it . I also can 't get to my Gmail . Not a good way to keep web developers . Well this one will not be here much longer . On other news . I have started jogging in the morning with the dog . The dog is not at all happy about this . Needs to be done though . I way too much and I need to get in a little shape the kung - fu . Witch I start again soon . Need to go back . and get in shape for outdoor . O the pain . Kind of nice to do though , even if I have to almost drag the dog . Well that is it for now . Thewildword ~ d Well it looks ( again ) like I have a new job . Just need to pee in a cup . I will be sad to leave this company . Really good people in it . But I think I will look forward to the new one . It is a company in Boulder and I will be moving a classic asp ( js ) app into . net ( c # ) . It looks like there well be 2 other people on the team . One is a DB person that is already there . The other they are hiring . I am not sure where I will fall in the system . But I think there is a good chance I will be the team lead . The pay at the job is what I am making now . But without the over head of 1200 a year of bus passes . Also there is insurance and vacation with this job . Vary nice . And I can bike to work . In theory I start in two weeks . But I will talk to my boss tomorrow here . It might be that he will let me to sooner than 2 weeks . If so . I will start as soon as I can . On other news . I am going back to get our stuff from Seattle this coming weekend . So ready to go . After that . Get an x - box 360 . I hope . Hate to say that , because you know that something will come up to keep me from getting it . Still I am going to really try to be positive . I really want one before Halo 3 comes out . I know I would be happy with one after that . But I think I will feel really let down if I don 't get one before . Stupid . Yes . But … . ~ Z is doing really well . Need to get more pics up . I don 't have time to tell you all the cool stuff she is doing . But she has started telling us she loves us without us saying it 1st . she has also decided that our bead is way better than hers . ~ L is doing well as well . Hates the heat but then so do it . She is going to take a class next month . YAY It is hot here again . In the high 90 's . but the clouds keep coming over in the afternoon . So that helps . Still wish it was cooler . Well that is it for now . Thewildword ~ d Well things seem to be going good . I do like my job . Still upset about the travel . But it is all good . It has turned off cool again . Well 80s right now . Was up to almost 100 this last week . So way to hot . I have gotten done with the last Harry Potter book . It was very good . I don 't know if I would say it was supper . But it was good . And a good ending to the story . There are thing that I would like to know about what happened after the end . But I am guess did better than most stories . So now I am going to read something else . I wish I had a printer . I have a friend that has send me something she did . But the only time I can read it is in front of the computer . And that sucks . I am not a big fan reading stuff off the computer . I guess this is not going to be a big entry . I just though I would say hi to everyone . My gaming is going well . Well it is going fun anyway . In D & D my Ranger got an arrow in the eye . Then on the week I could not play instead of getting my eye fixed the party took off across the country . The Vampire game is going well . I look forward to running again . It will be so nice . Well nice for me . Still have not got our stuff for Seattle yet . But it does seem . Life is good . Thewildword ~ d Things seem to be going ok sense we have been back . Job is good . A little bit of a pine because insurance has not come though like the contract company told me it would and I did not get a bus pass . But I like the person I am working for and it pays well . Still you never know what might come up . Living is good to . Hot though most of the time here . Senses we have moved in we have spend almost $ 600 on AC units for the place . Got 2 of them and on the 90 + days they just hold there own . Hate to see what the bill is going to be for the electricity . Not to mention there is $ 600 gone we could have used for other things . Class . Love it . When I get to it . But I have been going more then when I was in Seattle . Still cost $ $ . Hate to go when I can 't pay . So will start going again next week . Friends . Seeing lots of them and gaming . Playing D & D ( Second game and my CH got an arrow in the eye ) and running Vampire . ( let 's just see what happens to the CH of the D & D games eye ! ) Car . Runs good now . But I just had to drop in $ 820 on it . Hate that . Hate it hate it hate it . That makes 1420 on stuff we need but … dame it . We were going to get a computer with that $ $ , and get our stuff from Seattle and … . Well . Maybe something else . Just pisses me off . It also makes us live like we have no $ $ . I hate that . We should not have this problem with as much as I make . But every time it looks like we might have something left over . Bam ! I am trying not to be negative . But still … . We did get a nice mattress though . We both sleep so well on it . For the most part all is good . I am still doing some work with Saltmine . Got paid for the gadgets I did . Have friends . Thewildword ~ d It has been a long time , or so it seems . Well we made it back to Boulder . We left most of our stuff back in Kirkland though . Just could not aford the truck at the time . So at the end of this month I am going back and getting it all . IT is going to be a long trip . but I hope to find someone to go witht me . help with the trip back . We are happy to be back . I have 2 games in the works and have a good job . The job is in denver and the bos likes VB . still it is good . and I can keep my eyes open for somthing in Boulder . But I am in no ruch . and this might work out well for me . Even with the drive . I am also still doing some other work for saltmine as well , and soem for a difrent company . I hope soon though to get my own thing going . have some idea . Well in short . We are back and we are happythewildword ~ d My home lab top is on its last leg . Maybe even past its last leg . For a while now it has been having problems but last week I took a CD out of it and it stopped working . It seems not to be able to find the hard drive now . Oooo the pain . I can get it to work some . But have to tilt it at an angel to the left . It will boot up that way and run for about 15 minutes before it just locks up . Just about enough time for me to check email . We are going to get a new computer . But we might wait till we get back to Boulder . Not sure we want to buy a new piece of hardware then move it half way across the U . S . I don 't know if I can make it that long without a computer though . It is not the games or the web that I really need I find . It is developing . I need to Develop ! I am such a nerd . Thewildword ~ d Thought I would update this really fast . Fast is the key word . Things have been moving fast . Sense I have last blogged ( one of the reasons I have not put anything on the new blog at all ! ) . ~ L and I have decided to move back to Boulder . We have been talking about it for awhile now and were going to stay here till then end of summer , but something 's came up , so I put my resume out just so see what hits I would get . And BAB . Lots of hits . So we are off . Should be in on the 2nd on June . I am going back this coming weekend to interview for a job . I have 3 interviews lined up . 2 of the 3 sound like nice places and I am sure I would enjoy working at ether . But the 3rd is the place I think I would like the most . me . dium . It is a company that builds a plug - in that lets you see were people are at on the web " near you " . They have come up with a way of creating web spheres . Groupings of web pages that are related in some way . You can also see were you friends are and the like . Everyone that I have gotten to sign up loves it . All think it could be the next big thing . Really makes you feel not so alone on the web . I have already made some new friends . ( at lets I hope they are friends . . I was chatting with one person that was on there and found out he was the CEO part of the way though . J ) I have also discovered new sited though it . I see were people go and or group . When I see lots of people on a site , I just have to go check it out . Well besides interviews for next weekend I need to find a place to live as well . And some time in there to say hi to some of my friends . I am so looking forward to seeing them all . I have already been asked to play in a D & D game and run a Vampire game . ~ L and I are also looking forward to letting ~ Z play in the creek . And I can get back to Kung - fu more . How fun . Well now back to seeing if I can fix a 175px content box into 160px div . I will try to keep everyone one updated . ~ thewildword . ~ d So we are now thinking of moving to West Seattle . We are going to go over this weekend and look at the area . But we really want to move . Kirkland is ok , but boring and expense . And I have little dought that our rent will go up . And for what we are getting . That just is not right . In West Seattle we can get more for less and the commute would not be so bad . I think I would like that . We also may do Magnolia . I might even like Magnolia more . It is to the north instead of the south . And north would be closer to Kung - fu . Either way . We need to move . I am sure if we stay where we are . By the end of summer . We will be moving back to Boulder . And I do love Boulder . But I would like to give it at least one more year here . And maybe , just maybe if we can get a place that cost a little less . We can save some $ $ . Maybe . On the down side . 25 days ( would be 24 today ) till xbox is shot ! I know it would be . Just knew it . I should not be depressed about this . But I am . I am a lot . And I do not think it is really the xbox ( but I would love to have one ) it is the fact that I have to make choices like this . I don 't get how it is that I make as much as I do and can 't just go get the xbox when I want and still have $ $ to move . I don 't get it . We don 't waste that much $ $ . Is it were we live ? Maybe . Still . It is depressing . so F # $ King depressing ! Here lest depress myself some more . So it was 25 days . Lest add at least 2 months because of moving . So 85 days . Any # of things that are needed come up . . . . And that is how it is going to go . No way around it . But on the up side . We will have a nice place to live . And that means a lot . A whole lot . Maybe being in a new place will pirk me up . : ( Thewildword ~ d So Saturday night I was very close to getting a 360 . I was seconds away from it . ~ L told me to get it and I really wanted to . But the trough is I have a hard time spending that kind of $ $ . I mean I could just get the core set . But that has no hard drive and no game . 2 things I really need . So getting the core set $ 300 would be nice . But not what I really want . What I want is the Core set with a hard drive , a game and a few other things . I think by the time it is all said and done it will be about $ 500 . That is lots of $ $ . So I did not get it Saturday . Made me a little said but I put back ½ of what I need for it . I was going to just get it on the next pay check but ~ L pointed out that would be the rent paycheck . So I guess it will not be 2 weeks but 4 . That kind of drives me nuts but ok . What drives me nuts about it is I am sure by 4 weeks we are going to find lots of things we will need to put the $ $ towards . After all , our lease is coming up . Our rent could go up . We need to register the car next month . And god knows what else could happen . I hate that feeling . Hate it . But I am sure it will all work out . I hope . So 25 days till x - box 360 . Please only 25 days . Thewildword ~ d At the start of this week I had a good Monday . Something happened at work to make me vary happy . It was something that was offered me that would have gotten me to a place were we could get ahead . Get a new computer , get an x - box 360 . Get some $ in the bank . Get things I wanted . Be able to go to more kung - fu things . Let ~ L and ~ Z do more stuff . Do more stuff with them . For 2 days I was on top of the world . My stress had gone down . But yesterday I was told that it was a mistake . things had happened and people were miss informed . Offered me stuff they were not suppose to . So it was taken away . Away . I know the parson that offered it to me was new and new people make mistakes . I can 't hold people for making mistakes . I know I have made enough myself . Still . I cant help but feel bad . Like hope was taken from me somehow . I cant help but feel disappointed and a little depressed . But it will be ok . thewildword ~ d . : ( So we have been here almost a year . I for the most part I think it has been good . We have seen lots of places and done lots of things . Been down to central Oregon , up to Canada and done lots of other things . We have had a good time . Some what . Job is good , been a ride sometimes , but good . I have learned a hole lot and my job skills have really increased . And so has my asking price for work . Still . I have not been able to get to Kung - fu . It is on the other side of the lake and that might as well be on the other side of the world to get there dearing the week . So that just sucks . And no matter what we do , we just cant seem to make friends . I remember growing up , it always seemed that my parents would have some friends over once a week or we would go somewhere and play cards , go bowling , even just watch ball together . Living in Boulder I had a social life on and off . Gaming and the like . It was hit and miss sometimes . but it happened . Way more than here . There was just odd people that we got along with . There is no odd here . We miss the odd . Miss the Food , Miss the Mall . Miss it to the point that I have kind of been looking at Jobs and homes there . It is so much cheaper . I could make what I am making now and the cost of living would be less by a 4th I think . And we would be around people that I know would love to watch ~ Z , and we could get a yard for ~ Z and the Dog . they would love that . And I would feel like I am home . For the most part we are just not having fun here . We have little moments of fun . I enjoy class when I get there . ~ S and ~ M ( kung - fu people ) I love hanging out when then when we can . but they live across the world as well and have the school to run . UU is nice , but it is not really fun . There are things I enjoy . but not really fun . the most fun , the happiest I have been in the last year is when we were in CA and we had one night up at my friends house in LA . that was the best . Dont get me wrong . ~ Z and ~ L and the best . they are my loves and home . and ~ Z stunts me every day . but LA was home . not the pPosted by Well we had our Easter , went to Canada to see ~ L sister , her husband and there child ~ S . it was a good trip . Nice to see them . And ~ Z and ~ S hit it off . They had a good time playing . We hope to get them together more . It would be a shame not to . They do live so close . Still . I found Canada odd . I can 't see any deferent 's between our earth and there 's . It felt odd though . The sighs being in Kilometers , even though I knew they would be , made me feel out of my element right away . And god only knows how much anything costs or ways . I can convert Kilometers to miles ruffle but Money to money . Pounds to whatever they use … lost ! I felt more at home in England . We got on the highway there and we were suppose to go 2 miles to our exit . But the sigh said 5 till the next . But in 2 miles there is was . I thought there sigh was wrong . But then I realized it was not wrong . Just in Kilometers . So kind of wrong . And I thought the hole Putting " Ahaa " at the end of each question was something that was done for TV , but know they do it . I know it is bad . But I could not help but think . " O my god , people really do that ? " Everyone was nice though . And I did have a good time . I hope ~ L sister and her family come down soon . I was glad to get back on this side of the border though . The drive was stunning and we found what looks like a great place to hike . We took the road along the cost back . Everything was so green . I would love to take the drive sometime when it was not raining . I do love rain . But I would love to see it all in the sun . It really helped . I was kind of set off the hole day . And I know why . ~ L sister and her family always seem to have not $ $ but yet they have lots of stuff . Flat screen TV , 3 computers , Nice Monitors and lots of DVDs that they have bought . And I know we make more than them . But yet I can 't give any of that stuff to my family or myself . I just don 't know what I am doing wrong . I am guessing nothing . I know we don 't live off credit or family and they do . Still … . I don 't know . . Still . I Posted by That is want is running through me right now . I have had a good last few days . Starting Wednesday by boss was out . I got a lot done . Not that I don 't when he is there . He is a grate boss and really knows his stuff . He is also dedicating lots of time in me . Still I kind of have some down time right now . And I fell better about using it to learn stuff when he is not there . Odd I know . But part of me always fells like I am goofing off when I am not working on a project . Well the stuff I did that day and the next at work , Friday from home and the last two days just for fun . I am sure they will be pleased with . Server controls I am really getting the hang of . I can 't wait for my review ! Beside 's that I did get my first . Net page up that is my own that I did . I redid the CSC Seattle site . Here it is take a look . I am happy with it . The down side is that the server only allows you to run a . Net site from the root dir . So I have to have it go though an Iframe . Kind of a pain . And I can 't get the stupid white border to go away . I have another CSC site to work on . For Salt Lake . Today at the UU I was invited to start going to the planning committee for sermons . I think I will enjoy that . I might even give a sermon one day … I sure do give my thought enough when we get to say what we think about the sermon that day . I guess that is why they want me up there . That makes me happy . Still all this good stuff and I am not happy right now . There is nothing I can put my fingers on . But I fell somewhat lost . ~ L and I are talking about moving again . Somewhere link Bend OR . I guess it is more like Boulder . Less rain . I am not happy about that . But ~ L is having a hard time with all the clouds . I am going to miss the rain . I love the rain . But I can admit that I do miss the Sun as well . It fells good to be in the sun some times . I see the sun way to much from inside an office … I miss kung - fu to . But I have no time for that here . I keep getting headaches and bloody noses here . Well I have for the last 2 weeks . I not to worried aPosted by Well . I have been learning to do servercontrols at work . It is a . net thing . I love them . Today there was almost no one else in the office . I really got some good stuff done . I have made a mose over image control and now am I am making a pop in contol . Sure there is lots of them out there . But they are all in js . And there is some problems to walking the DOM and setting it up that way . The way I am doing it is by building the Iframe and placing it on the page using a controol . I have a div around that , that is as wide as the page and I am going to put one more div right around the iframe for aborder and x close control . While you are in the iframe you can do whatever processing you need and then set a funcion on close so that you can update the calling page as needed . And by putting one little custome tag on the page . I like making my own tags . And I thought user controls were cool . Ha . I have even leared how to cast controls . : ) All that and Sun for 2 days in a row . Thewildword ~ d It has been hard finding time for this . I do like doing it . But o my god . Where has my time gone ? Anyone ? Anyone ? So a quick update . ~ Z is doing well . She had her 2 year check up and the Docs are amazed at how well she is doing . They said that is many ways she is advanced as a 3 year old . She knows all her colors and can count to 10 by herself and 20 with help . Need to start working on her letters . We are going to take her up to Canada on Easter Sunday to see her cousin and Aunt ( ~ L sister ) and uncle . It will be fun . Good for us all . The UU is going will . I help out last Saturday after noon on the chapel . Ran my head into an I - beam . But I am ok . Found out they are going to but a preschool in there once it is done . ~ L and I like that idea for ~ Z . I rebuilt my computer . Needed to . Had too much junk on it . More so now that it is ~ Z and I only computer . We are going to get a new one at some point . Was going to get one next paycheck but now we are going to get a bed frame for ~ Z . So who knows when ? There are lots of thing on our list . Seems to be getting more and more . O well . But on the good computer side . My . Net skills are really taking off . I am now building server controls . User controls were fun . But server controls kick but ! I need to finish off the Seattle and Salt Lake City sites in the next couple days though . So I might take a brake from the controls thing for a day or two . The sites are looking good . I just need to finish them up and get them up for review . On a down side . Have had headache for the last 7 days . Comes and goes how bad it is . But sometimes it just nocks me out . Well that is it for now . Thewildword ~ d Ok I know I have been away for a while for a long time but I have been on vacation . At the start of it on the 4th ~ Z turned two . She picks up every word that that anyone says . So We have to watch what we are saying . Well anyway like I said we were on vacation . We went to San Diego to see my brother ~ S and Mom and Dad . We got left late Sunday . ~ Z took the plain ride in stride . Did not think anything about flying above the earth . And she was good . Dad and ~ S meet us at the airport Monday morning , got to the resort ( saw a car speed up around us , slow down and bump a van . Before they both pulled over . Odd . ) We slept late Monday , got up went to the beach . It was vary nice . Laura and I both have bad headaches . But the beach called kid 's beach ( Seal Beach sense Seals took over . ) the Seals and tide pools made the hole day worth it . We were still tired though so we did not do to much . We did meet ~ S room mate and a couple of there friends for dinner . It was good . ~ Z got to open her birthday presents . O she likes Birthdays . The next day we drove through the mountains to get some good Pie and I discovered wasabi coated peanuts . LOVE THEM . Then we did the wild animal park . It was vary nice . But we got there late , so we only had 2 hours . Still ~ Z loved it , and so did I . The next day we got started late again . Went to sea world . Saw Shamoo . ~ Z loved that too . But again we were there late and only had about 2 hours . And lots of places were closed . Thursday ~ S , ~ L and I went down to the beach to walk around again . It was a nice relaxing time . Spent some good time with my Brother . Later that day ~ S had to leave for a thing of his in Mexico . It was good to see hem though . Friday , ~ L and I rented a car for the day . Then the day got interesting . ~ S gave the codes to his house so we could get in on Friday and use the computer so pay some Bills . That was all nice and things were going well when we hear a nock on the door saying " San Diego PD " It looks likes ~ S neighbors knew that ~ S and his roommate were gone so the called the polPosted by Seeker by Jack McDevittI would like to say that this was a good book but it in reality it was not . I did make it all the way though but I had to look at the start of the next chapter a few times to keep interest because I did not know if the book was going to go anywhere . Warning Spooler … . Kind of . The book has a good premise . One I like , looking for a lost colony of human settlers that have been gone for 6000 years . The main character tells the story in 1st person . Witch I really don 't think I like . Kind of feel like I am reading an over written diary . But the still the writing was good enough to keep me interested . Maybe kept me in the book as , like I said , seemed to go no where quite often . Finding the colony seemed take a lot more steps then needed and a few of the things they did to try to find it were dead ends . And were as doing something like this for real might have quite a few dead ends , one of two in a book is enough . The teller talked and visited an alien race but never really explored them . There was a couple attempts on there lives , but you knew were they were coming , and who did it . The threat to there lives was just something to have there and not really needed . And you never really felt like they were in any danger . There was a lot of things thrown in to try to keep it from feeling like a strait point A to B story . But yet it still felt that way . Also at the end of the book they found an interesting civilization . One that was on a world lock in to title lock so did not have night . They lived in a zone around dominator of the part that was the most habitable but they live in just early evening all the time . They did not have night or for that fact day . So they did not brake up time like most people did . They never saw the stars so they did not have a drive to get off the world . I though that was interesting . It seems like humanity has a need to get to the stars , get off world . But would we have that if we never say the stars ? The did know about stars , people that went to the dark , cold side of thPosted by I have notest a sigh of the times . A new version of the have and have not 's on the bus in the morning . There are groups of teens that are that I think of as the Pods . They all have nice close that have been worked on the look like they are trash . Talk ' shit ' , curse every 3rd word and talk about how bad their lives are in Kirkland WA , all the fights they get into ( despite the lack of limping and bruises . ) , how F @ c # they get into each weekend . And most of the time they smoke . And they all have ' iPods ' . The other group is quieter for the most part . Not so tight together and as there cloths , for the most part are clean , it is not so hard to tell that there stuff is mostly used . They don 't seem to mind though , they seem to take plusher in the fact they are creative in what they do with what they have . I don 't see most of them smoking and they all have ' CD players ' . On the bus you can tell who are the have and the have not 's . iPods Vs Disks . I like the Disk kids a lot more . They just don 't seem to have the attitude . The iPod kids never even seem to lesion to their music . More interested in talking about how bad their lives in the same breath as talking about the new stuff they got this weekend . And how much the need a smoke . I can 't tell you how much these kids tick me off . Maybe I am just getting old . But my life was never as rough as they pretend there 's is . Sure I was in Hell as a teen . But the way this kids talk you feel like you should call social servers for them . There is a 3rd group . The Goth kids . I don 't see them with the music much . But you can always guarantee they will have coffee on them . Everyone here has coffee on them . But for a Goth it is a requirement . Again most are smokers . But not as much as the Pods . What I find odd . I don 't see any tech kids , computer nerd types on the bus . Maybe there parents drive them . Thewildword ~ d There has been a lot about the year 2012 and that the Mayans calendar ends in it . ( sometime in October I think ) For along time I have found this interesting . It always seemed odd to me that people that went though so much trouble to create such a grate calendar that went for so long after they did would end on a canteen date . Sure the calendar had to end some time . And it could be that is just what they decided to end for some reason . But they all end on that date . You would think if there was more then one of them and the end date did not matter . They would all end at deferent dates . But lately I have learned that in 2012 is the same time that the earth passes though the galactic center . Moving from one side to the other . It seems that the earth dose this every so often . Lawrence Joseph says that he finds evidenced that every time this happens there has been big earth changes . That there is huge gravity waves that compress our sole system and brings the down fall of civilizations . And that is what the Mayans were talking about . Not the end of the world but the end of ' this ' time and ' this ' way . The Mayans were vary good at understanding the stars and our place in them . Anyway . That said . I don 't now about the down fall of civilizations and all , even though I believe that there most likely has been advanced civilization of man on the this plaint before that have fallen I am not sure if this will be the fall of ours . I get the belief of advanced civilization of ' us ' from the fact that we have been around for about 100 thousand years . Not a lot to some . But that is about 92 thousand years that we have no record of . And for all this time we have had the same brain power that we have now . Not a bigger brain , not a smaller . The same brain . But yet we only come up with writing in the last 8 thousand years . I think it more likely that humans lived in smaller pockets some for them got real advanced but something come along and removed them . After all it if we just were gone tomorrow it would take 1k for mostPosted by I was lessening to Coast 2 Coast today like I almost always do . I just love that show . ET 's , Ghost , Big Foot , " Real " Scientist , Quantum Space and time talk . Government cover - ups and the end of time ( 2012 just so you know ! ) is the best for work . Today they were talked about the Egyptian and Tibet books of the dead . And I got to thinking . Why don 't I have a book of the dead . I could really use one ! ( ~ d book of the dead ) Now that I think about it I could come up with my own end of world Revelations type book to . I tell you I would have more the 4 hours men of ~ d 's apocalypse . Thewildword ~ d Well most of this Post will be about work and the like . But not bad stuff . I really have been enjoying in the last couple weeks . I have been doing lots and lots of . NET . front end and back in of it . And C # . I have been working a lot with the . NET controls and like most people that have done any front end work I get frustrated at how you can 't get hold of the id 's because . NET changes them . Adds stuff to them . What this has done is made me really get my JS down . Walking the DOM and the like to find the element I want . Ether though looking at Child Nodes or Siblings . My JS and CSS has really jumped forward . And I have really cemented myself as the AJAX person of the company . At the same time I am really getting . NET down . Master pages and custom controls are now common place for me . C # as a backend language is powerful and smooth . It works with . NET so well . Allowing you to control and change the front side controls and content with ease . I must admit for the 1st time I feel like a real programmer . I have been doing web work broth front end and middle tear for a long time . But always in JS or ASP on the back end . Now I am really getting in to building web components both server objects and controls . Working with SQL and stored procedures . And My knowledge of JS and AJAX is really helping in building sites in the web 2 . 0 world . There is still lots to learn . But I am getting there . I have a friend ~ J who left ~ W ~ St at the same time I did . He went down the Java path and he seems to love it . But I think if he really got into C # and . NET he would like it to . It is just so smooth . And he would not have to be working in a language that will be dead in 6 or 7 years . : ~ ) Of course saying that , I don 't go though a day when I don 't say to myself what dumass thought of this . But most time that is CSS . 11 working days left before vacation . ( well 10 I get Monday off ) . ~ Z has a cold . I fear I might have a little one ! Err . Thewildword ~ d . It has been a wild few days . After not getting much sleep last week I have had a couple good nights of sleep . Still I feel vary tired . But I will try to bring everyone up to speed . When I say that I have been trying to pull off the imposable at work I am not laying . I have been building a DHTML multi file upload control . As most of you know you can upload a file to a web site using a input control with a type of file . And you can have only upload more then one file if you have more then one input or type file on the page . And you can not style the input control at all . Well . We have made a control that you can upload more then one file at time with and can style . It is stunning . But it is a challenge . I spent 2 days of my time last week working on it . There is still a little work to do . But when I am done , I will make sure everyone I know , knows about it . Those that are web programmers will be stunned I think . Other that that . This weekend has been busy . Kung - fu Saturday morning , We got ~ Z 's blood taken then come home . Both ~ L and I had really bad headaches . For the most part we got over them in time to do Karaoke at the church Saturday night . It was fun . Today I got to greet at the UU then we went to an Art showing , after that we just drove around a bit . It was nice . Then we ate . I worked out and that is about it . Seems like I did a lot . We also got are tickets to San Diego . Maybe some time on vacation I will fill rested . HA ! YAYThewildword ~ d So I watched the show 2057 on Discovery the other night . I liked what they came up with . I thought they did a good job of coming up with a nice middle of the road estimate of what live could be like in 50 years . Some of the things I think they were a little too conservative with . Other to far out . But a nice middle of the road guess is about the best we can hope for . They went into transportation and computer power . It all looked good . But what got me most was the 1st hour of the 3 hour show they talked about medical advances . The ability re - grow body parts and the like . It seemed that by 2057 you could fix just about anything . And from some other stuff I have been reading I can believe that maybe the case . Were as I really liked this . Everything around the medical advancements really bothers me . It seems that out need to serve humanity did not grow with our ability . Insurance companies still control who gets saved and how does not . And they have the power to drop you from your insurance at any whim and any reason . Even going so far as to monitor you and go through your garbage to find trespasses agents a health live style . I think for humanity to live up to its greatness we need to make sure that all humanity ( that wants it ) is severed . If you need a new hart or arm or whatever you can get it . It cost us more as a race to lose one of us that it cost us in cash . Anyway . That is just my thoughts . I am all about universal health care . And I do think it would be good to have fabric that was monitoring health sighs and could call for help if needed . But I don 't think that info should go to the government or insurance company . No decision about you leave of care should be base on it . Well that is my thought . Thewildword ~ d Ok . It seems that as soon as I get a raze to a far about at work . There Seems to be no end of things that are lining up to take that $ $ . 1st there is the TV . Not the pig one but the small one in the living room . We had kind of planed on getting a new TV anyway . But the TV has a filter going out or something . The top 8th of the screen has white lines running though it . Anything near the top kind of loops around and starts going down . So we need a new TV . 2nd ~ L computer . It seems to have gone down . It was having a problem where is would just stop seeing ½ the memory . So I took the memory out and put it back in to see if I could get it to work better . Now it dose not work at all . I hit the power button the green light comes on then it sounds like power is going though the system but it dose not fire up the hard drive . Nothing comes on the screen and after about 3 seconds the green light goes off . ~ L needs a computer . So we need a new computer . Well I am guessing that is about the only 2 things for now lining up to take our $ $ . Still that is more than I wish . We still need to get ticks for CA . will have to wait till Friday when I get paid . But we well get them . I guess I am just a little upset because this just pushes back things I want and want to do . But I guess this happens . Maybe by the end of summer things will be better . But I am guessing not . There will be car stuff that comes up this summer . going to have to get it registered here in WA and that will cost over $ 100 . need to get us all passports about $ 300 there . Sorry to be such a downer . Anyway . Maybe I will hit the button and the computer will just come up tomorrow . On the up side ~ Z is sleeping in a bed not a crib now . And she has started to use the potty . Not bad for someone who is not even 2 yet ! Thewildword ~ d So a friend of mind started a Kung fu school out here is Seattle a few months ago . It is a good School and she is a good Teacher . Vary Good . The problem is getting the word out . I have done her web site . http : / / www . shaolinseattle . com / . but even after several months of being up the page dose not show up on Google or other search pages . I know one of the was to get the word out is to have links to it . So if you can please but links up on your page , blogs or wherever you can . The School is vary good . ~ Sarah is a good teacher . I really want her to succeeded . I feel bad because I have a hard time getting over there to class . I is just on the other side of the lake from me . I so wish I could do more . Thewildword ~ d I have finished the book . It is vary good but not as good as some by Neil Gaiman . I have not read anything else form Terry Pratchett so I don 't know if this is normal for hem . Still the book was good . Vary good . And as I expected it got me in the mood for In Nomine . But I don 't think that is going to happen . On the up side it dose look like I might get a gaming group together soon . I have people that would like to play . Now just need to find time for it . It is good to be making friends . There was a couple things in the book that I thought was interesting . One at the end on of the main charters said that he thought when the end came it would be humans agents Heaven and Hell . I thought that would make an interesting story . Something happens at sometime in the future to open the war here on earth and to even the playing filed a little between the divine , the dammed and the humans . Just and idea . They other is dose Heaven and Hell even care about us . ( of course I don 't believe in heaven and hell ) or do they care more about winning ? Ok . Now I am going to watch " Medium " there are talking dolls . Cool . And a little odd . In other news . We only have about 4 weeks now till the San Diego trip . It is going to be so fun . Going to see my brother and mom and dad . ~ Z is going to have a blast . I need to find a way one night to get ~ L , ~ Z and myself up to see my friends that live north of SD . Well that is it for now . Later . Thewildword ~ d When I got home today My child came running out to see me . As always I picked her up and give her a big hug and a big kiss . She as always gave me back a hug but for the 1st time she gave me a puckered up and gave me a big kiss . It was ~ Z 1st kiss . I got ~ Z 1st kiss . It made me so happy ! A little later she was asking for chocolate ! I got her some but I told her I need a kiss 1st . She gave me one . I got such a kick out of that to . I just love her . Thewildword ~ d Ok 1st Work . Well I had a couple interviews this week they were good and one I would have loved to have had . Would have been near the perfect job . Almost hurts that I did not get it . I am sure that if I wanted I would have a new job next week . But my work came back and offered me enough that I have decided to stay . Sure there are problems . But what job dose not have them and now I feel like they are willing to pay me for dealing with them . So I will stay . And I will enjoy it . I work with good people . They know what they are doing . Working out has been going well . I think I might be loosing wait . It feels like I should be anyway . But The scale at the gym when I when it the 1st time said I was 237 the other day ( 3rd time I went ) it said 227 . Now ~ L thinks the scales were off when I went in the 1st time but I tent to believe the numbers . Numbers do not lie . So I think I have lots 10 pounds ! YAY . The UU Church . It is still good . We are having fun there . And the writing group is going to start next month . Getting out . We went to Discovery park today . It was nice . A little cold but not to bad when we got moving . It is a good park . I will blog about it soon and post pics . Thewildword ~ d I have been looking for new work . As most of you know . And I have been complaining a lot about my job lately . I would like to take this time to say there is lots I do like about work . There are good people there and there is lots to learn . I would love for them to try to keep me . But end then end though I am interviewing for jobs that are 75k + or more a year . How can I say that I am doing what is best for me and my family if I am not making that much . So that being said . I am looking . I have heard from someone I trust that my current job it going to try to keep me . But we will see . I also don 't want to be a ass . I want to make sure I get done what is needed for my current job . I do not wish to put anyone in a bad place . Well that is it for now . I am sorry if I bitch to much . But that is kind of what blogs are for . Thewildword ~ We found another gym we have decided to try . It is not so close but it is less that 10 minutes drive . And ~ L and I really want some place to work out . They did not give us the hard sale and the price is not bad . There is a January sale so if we sigh up before the end of this month it will be a good price . And we did get a free trial , no questions , We just walked in and we where shown around then given the pass . They have a good cardio room , weights , pool , racket ball court and a big open area that they teach classes in . And when there are no classes , I can work out ( do forms and the like ) in there . There is also a stream room and hot tub . So far I like it . Today I did my 1st workout . I took my weight to start . 236 ! ! ! Errr . What I want is 180 ! That is what I was at 3 years ago when I was doing kung - fu every night . That is what I think I should be . I think I have almost 50 pounds of fat . Not happy about that . So ok here is my plan . Do kung - fu when I can . At lest once a week . Going to try to start going twice . But each day that I do not . 15 minutes of cardio . Get hart moving . 15 minutes of weights . Depending of if the space is available . 2 to 3 forms . 15 minutes of cardio . 10 minutes of Steam room . I will keep you informed on how it is going . There is only 2 down falls to this place . One there is a Dairy Quean right next door . And just a couple doors down it a place that teaches some form of Marshals Arts . Don 't know what kind . It is just called " Marshals Arts " . No type . I don 't know why this bothers me . But it dose . Thewildword ~ d Ok . So ~ L and I have been going to the Universal Unitarian the last few weeks . Ok 2 , 3 for ~ L as she went one week with out me . I must admit that I was vary worried about going . I did not have what I would think of as the best experience in church going up . Sure I had a good time with the other kids and there was a lot of me that enjoyed the history , stories and there is a lot to learn for the hole Christ thing . I even thought about being a preacher when I was a kid . But as I got older I felt that there was just to much judgment in it and to much just counter to common sense . Do I believe in a hire power . Yes ! God ? In general . Yes . I tend to think that God is " US " as a hole . You , me , the dog , the cats , the earth , the stars . That we are all part of God . I believe God is beauty , love and even destruction and hate . He / She is the sum of it all . Do I think God has a consciousness . Yes . But I believe that Consciousness reveals its self to each person differently . End the end God lives in the hart after all . And no two people have the same hart . There fore no two people can have the same god . I also believe in the Big Bang ( something that is stunning when you think about it . Once together always together . Something that tell you how connected we all are . Something that is part Quantum theory . You know science ) I also believe in Evolution ( I think people that don 't believe in evolution based on that there is not just enough time just don 't quite grasp how much time is involved ! End the end I can 't grasp that much time no one can . But what I can grasp is that the earth has been around so long and it has had more than enough time to not only come up with millions and millions of living things . It would be harder to believe that it would not come up with at lets sentient species at some point ) . I believe in reincarnation . It just makes sense . Tell me were in nature that you just see something stop ! . You don 't , stuff my die and come back as something else . But it dose not stop . And sense I believe in a sole ( why . Posted by Ok . Sense I have been here in Seattle I have not been able to get to Kung - fu as much as I would like . Let 's face it . To get to class on the weekdays I would ether , 1 have to take the bus home for an hour , kiss my wife and child , get in a car drive for : 40 to an hour . Then maybe get an hour of class before I need to leave if I want to get home before my child goes to bed and my dog need a walk . Or 2 . Take the bus form work over to class . Get 2 hours of class before I head home on the bus for 1 hour at least ( have to changes buses ) Neither is very good if I want to spend any time with my family that day . And ~ L has to dill with ~ Z for 10 hours a day anyway . She is a good child . But she is a 2 years old ( Like herding cats that have thrums and can tell you they don 't want to be herded by setting and screaming there heads off . Between being cute and loving . ) It is hard for me to add at least 3 more hours on to that for ~ L even once a week . Well anyway . We ~ L and me thought we would try the gym next to us . Just to make up for the exercise we don 't get being out here , because it is so dark at night and lately cold . We had a 10 day free pass thing that we thought would be good for a try . Hell we were even ready to just join . After all , they are open 24hr a day so I could go after ~ Z went to sleep . And they have day care . So ~ L could take ~ Z over and let her play with other kids while she worked out . Needless to say . The whole thing was crap . The person we meet at 8 : 30 spent an hour telling us hour great the gym was ( and it did look great . But you don 't spend an hour telling people that are hulling a kid around every little thing . They are ready to see the place quickly and then sigh up or not ) , then we got the pitch . If we signed up for the 2 of us right then ! Our 1st time in . it would only cost us only $ 230 ( 1st and last month 's fees , $ 90 membership start up cost and $ 39 each registration fee and stuff . ) Ug … . If we waited though and did the 10 day free trial ( which did not let you come in after 9 at night ) itPosted by But I am having a hard time thinking . So I will tell you that I am reading Good Omens by Terry Pratchett by Neil Gaiman right now . Gaiman being one of my top 5 anthers . I am liking it . It is a little hard to read . It is vary British . That is about the best way to describe it . Flows of thought don 't mesh well with mine sometimes . Kind of like watching BBC show and the people do something or say something and you 're like what . That makes no sense . That is not how we would do or say or react to that in America . It is not that what they are doing is wrong . Just deferent . It is all good though . The story is good . It has the Antichrist in it as a kid and the 4 horsemen of the Apocalypse in it as well . All good things . But I was thinking if there are 4 housemen of the Apocalypse then should there also not be 4 housemen of the un - Apocalypse as well . Something to counter them . O well something to think about . Anyway back to the book . I like it . So far . I liked Neverwhere and American Gods better . American Gods being easier to read , Neverwhere being a better book . Well that is my blog for now . Thewildword ~ d By birthday . Not that exciting all in all . I got a cumpas from L and Zoe . L taught Zoe my age . Ask Z how old is Daddy . " Daddy Old ! " Nice . Besides that I did Tie - Che today . That was good . I really needed it . More so after this last week . I could not even begin to start to tell you how the week was going . Still looking for a new job . Part of me would like were I am to make me a good offer and I could stay there . I would like to stay some place for a while . And I like my boss a lot . And the people I work with . But … . And part of me would like to get a job on this side of the lake . I just want more $ $ . I don 't wont to worry about $ $ anymore . And I want to be able to get stuff and do stuff with out worring about $ $ . Go on trips . Get a iPod Shuffle . Get a xbox 360 . Get a Baby sitter so L and I can go out . Stuff like that . I know stuff is silly . But still . We are going out to eat later . That will be nice . I am looking forward to it . I am going to get a good stake . Hard to get . But I do want a good Stake . In other news . At UU there is a weighting group starting . I may look into that . It would be fun and I have my orienteering class this week . I hope no one bugs that day and I can go . I get to work tomorrow . Should be a day off . But I get to work . Thewildword ~ d I am so ticked . Ticked to the core of my being . You see at work 4 or more months ago a project started being talked about at the company . I was in on the talks and plans about it at the start . I helped with the timelines and technology expectations . Then all of a sudden I was taken out of it . Not in the meetings . Not giving my opinions . The only opinion I could give was that we were going to end up with this project having time and deadline problems because there was not a plan for the project from the dev side . But I said this a couple times and people said it was noted and that was that . And now here we are . I was given the OK to start working on it 6 weeks ago . One of the weeks we could not work on it because of having a week off . Witch I loved . We had a date for code complete of jan 15 . and css complete . CSS complete being DOBs across 5 browsers . The 1st week and more we could not work because at that time we were arguing about what technology to use , well I was not but the MP and my manager were . The stuff that I was talking about at the start of the project . Anyway after all this what was decided that we will have the site ready for QA on 2 - 1 for all 5 browsers . And on 1 - 15 we decided 4 pages done in IE 6 and 7 . Today at the start of the day we learn that it is like they want to look at most of the site on the 15th . Some one told the customer it would be ready by then . A PM . So they want me to work this weekend . Doing mostly css . And this weekend I am mostly putting in content ! I should not be putting in content . I am a programmer . I should not be just doing css . I am a programmer . I should be doing AJAX , building tools . Doing . net ! doing C # ! F # @ k this . I am pissed ! I get paid to much for doing content and not enough for this crap ! I am a programmer ! I could have made this so much easer if I would have just been in the process from the start and stayed in it ! ! ! I am so mad ! Dame it ! I don 't mind working late . Or overtime sometimes . But I do hate when I have to because people are not letting me do my job ! F @ # K ! ! ! ! ThPosted by As most of you know or you do now , I am about to turn 37 ! And somewhere in the middle of that age I will pass the point were I am closer to 40 than to 35 . And lets just face it . If I am that close to 40 I might as just well be 40 ! And that kind of bothers me . Most ages don 't bother me . But 40 kind of dose for some reason . It is ½ of 80 after all , and 80 is about ½ of my life . Also I have done none of the things I have wished for by 40 ! Take over Europe , Dye my brothers hair blue , see KC win a super bowl , get an x - box 360 , Make my own religion , see a total eclipse ! To sum up . Have not done enough by 40 ! But coming home on the bus today I overheard someone talking and it seemed they were coming up on 30 . and with a laugh she pointed out to some one on the other end of her phone , that 30 is the " new 20 " . and as I often believe things I overhear on the bus spoken by a lowed blond talking of the phone . I knew she was right . So flowing this logic I now see that 40 is the " new 30 " . So I am not on my way to 40 . I am on my way to the " new 30 " . It now seems like I have lots of time to do things I want to do . I am younger that I thought I was in this new way of thinking . I can set on the couch now and not worry about my goals , because I have lots of time to do them ! And life is good again . I did relies though that this " new 30 " thing cant be fore everyone and after doing some research I have found there is a cut off date were if you were born before you don 't get to be the " new 30 " , you just hit 40 ( the " OLD 40 " or what old people would think of as 40 . ) And not surprising because I am at the cutting edge of these cool new things . I am at the leading edge of were you can go by the " new " version of your age . So this is the way it is . If you were born in 1970 or after you get to take 10 years off you age after you turn 30 and call yourself " the new XXX " . So for me I will be the " new 27 ! " If you were born before 1970 ( and you know who you are ! ) you would just have to say you were 37 , thus almosPosted by Because they suck up your life . I hade a few things I wanted to do this weekend . Did I get them done ? No ! Why ? Because I spend all weekend reading a book . Not don 't with it . Need to get back to it . Will till you the name and more about it when I am done . So the rest of this will be quick . Friday . Did not play Magic the gather . Zoe did not sleep all day and ~ L was about to lose it . So I happily stayed home with Zoe ( and Read ! ) and let her get out by herself . Saturday . Kung - Fu Good ! Iron bone and Punching Kicking class . Came home Read ! Watched KC lose badly in the playoffs . Went out on a drive to get Zoe to sleep ! Eat got some Magic cards ! Came home . Read ! Sunday . Went to the Universal Unitarian Service . It was about the " New Atheism " something I will blog about more later . 3rd time going . Really liking it ! Came home . Read ! Gong to go Read more now ! O I am also going to ask for more $ $ tomorrow at work . If I don 't get it . I am going to get a deferent job . Even though I like the people I work with . I need and want the $ $ more . Thewildword ~ dO and people that I know that write . Will you hurry up and get some things done I can read ! It is cheaper that way ! And you can read , or try to read my stuff anytime you like . So here we go . I have mixed emotions about this . In then end I worry it will not make much deference . End the end the people that we have in charge of the Democrats are the some old people that have been in charge of the Democrats . Not the new younger Democrats . So I don 't know if they are really going to be able to do anything . I just don 't think that the old Democrats or anyone that has been in politics for more than a 5 or 6 years can represent the people . The are not part of the people anymore . To easy it seems to believe there causes are the peoples causes . And as long as we have a system that allows people to stay in power and gives them more power ( seniority ) the longer they are in there . And those people have the power to decided or help to decided who gets $ $ for running for seats in the party . We will not get real change . And we need change . Not the kind of changes that rising taxes or emigration reform will do . ( and we do need both . ) What we need to change is how people can buy laws . Buy who gets investigated . Buy power . Buy who gets government contracts and can get away with braking the law . I am under a firm believe now that the government had misused our trust . And because they have nothing that they do or fund , even the military , can be kept secret . There is nothing that the government dose that should be above the publics scrutiny . There should be NO presidential privilege . At least not till we find time again when we can trust the government again . At one point we may have had a government we could trust . But when we started letting the government keep such secrets on the ' need ' for national security and the like . We started letting the government get out of our control . Tell me what could there be that our government could hide from us for our own good ? I can see military actions . But what would be wrong with us knowing what weapons we had ? They are our weapons after all . We pay for them ! What is wrong with other knowing how powerful we are , if we are ? And if others know we can kick there butPosted by What would it be ? I have maybe 2 players . Friends . L is out because so much Z takes so much time that any free time is valued . I so know that feeling . She is a good value . But she is a time vacuumed ! So I may have 2 players and with some luck maybe 1 or to more will show up ! Like magic ! I hope . But what game ! Wight Wolf : Mage . I have done this a lot . I like Mage a cross between 1 - 3rd addition . But I am not at this point having any inspiration for the game . I am sure I can come up with it soon . I am good at that for Mage . Wight Wolf : Where Wolf . I have only did this once . But I have played it lots and I enjoyed it . I have a couple ideas for this . But it is not my best at running . Wight Wolf : Vampire . Well . What can I say . I have a idea ! ! ! O ya . Idea ! Cyberpunk 2020 . I am rally in the mood to play this . I have a couple ideas for running and it is an easy system to run ! D & D . 2nd . Easy to run . Like above . But not lots of ideas . But easy to get ideas for . In Nomine : ? ? ? ? Have ran it . Love it . Have Idea . Good ideas ! But it is a game you run with people you have ran with for a while . You can not play the game and enjoy it with out testing your self and your morals . ( kind of ! ) My own system . It is a system kind of base on Charles De ' lint / Gaiman worlds . You have kind on innate powers your can use magic . But true magic take a log time . And lots of will . I do have dies for this as well though . Good ideas . Well . What should I do ? Need more info ? I don 't know . But with luck we will find out ! thewildword ~ d 1st day back . It took till 11 for me to get all the changes on my system that was made over last week in India . It also seems that for some reason we have to include all the . css files that are in the css folder on all pages . but that is just stupid ! What if I want css on one page that I don 't want on a deferent one . But India set it up that way . Also they were complaining that some of the js dose not work . Well it would help if you include the . js file . End then end I did not get much done today . A little but most of it was spend trying to fix things that was working a week ago . 8 working days till launch . I see working on my birthday ! Even then . I don 't see getting this done ! This project just was not thought out . And we have to many people in charge in to many places . Errrrrr not a good way to start a new work year ! thewildword ~ d Ok . I hate myself for this but . I got some more Magic : The Gathering cards this week . I am desperate for a game I tell you . And I know this is not real gaming but I need something . Anything ! And maybe this will be a way to meet other gamers . At one of the local gaming stores they have a MTG game every Friday . It can 't hurt much to try right ! RIGHT ? I also did put up a note looking for Gaming there . White wolf 1 , 2 or 3rd . Cyberpunk or In Nomine . Or even D & D ! In Kirkland or on the east side of Seattle . O the painThewildword ~ d
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Preaching about the cross sounds foolish to those who are dying in sin . But it is the power of God to those of us who are being saved from the punishment of sin . 1 Corinthians 1 : 18 NLV Consider American missionary Adoniram Judson . He arrived in Burma ( now Myanmar ) in 1812 , feeling like God had called him to preach the Gospel . During his 38 years there , he went through periods of imprisonment and torture . He suffered from depression so great when his wife , Anna , died that he wrote , " God to me is the Great Unknown . I believe in him , but I cannot find him . " There were few conversions because of his work , yet he pressed on , translating the Bible into the Burmese language which he completed in 1834 . At the time of his death , there was only a handful of professing Christians in the entire country and no organized churches . Some would see that as a waste of his life . On the 150th anniversary of the Bible translation , Paul Borthwick addressed a group of people who gathered in a church in Myanmar . He asked about the inscription in the front of the Bible : " Translated by Rev . A . Judson . " His interpreter began to weep and said , " We know him . We know how he loved the Burmese people ; how he suffered for the gospel because of us , out of love for us . He died a pauper , but left the Bible for us . When he died there were few believers , but today there are over 600 , 000 of us , and every single one of us traces our spiritual heritage to one man : the Rev . Adoniram Judson . " I heard myself telling my friend , " I have one of those crocks . Does your wife want it ? " No big deal - I didn 't use it anymore because I had found other ways to make my kraut that were easier for me than dragging out that heavy old crock . The inner battle to let go of " stuff " started as my inner critic began sputtering , " You can 't give that away . You might need it . You used it this year to make relish . What will you use in its place ? " I ignored the inner critic and dragged the heavy thing out to clean it up for my friend . But just then , an overwhelming need to make sauerkraut one last time in the crock hit me . Since I planned to make some kraut this year anyway , I bought several pounds of cabbage . The whole incident did get me thinking . There 's a lot of things I keep that I don 't really use - maybe it 's time to clear out the extra " stuff . " Not only will my house be easier to care for , but others may be able to use the " stuff " I don 't need any more . And so let us come near to God with a true heart full of faith . Our hearts must be made clean from guilty feelings and our bodies washed with pure water . Hebrews 10 : 22 New Life Version ( NLV ) A few days ago , I joined an accountability group to help keep me on track with my writing . It 's not that I lack motivation - I do try to blog almost daily ; I 've reached chapter 13 in my latest novel - writing endeavor ; I write countless extra things each week like a Teen Sunday School lesson , letters , e - mails , and a host of other stuff . But it is easy to get side - tracked . Oh I 'll just veg for a few minutes by playing a quick computer game ( or 2 or 3 . . . ) or I 'll look around me and see all the household things that need doing and leap up from the computer to do them NOW ! It 's amazing how many otherwise invisible dust bunnies and cobwebs I can see from my computer chair . Sometimes without realizing it , I sabotage myself , making it difficult to succeed or achieve the things I know God wants me to do . I look at the whole project and feel overwhelmed not knowing where to start - so I procrastinate and don 't start the project until I feel so guilty about it I have to do SOMETHING . Then it 's either done half - way or not at all . I might switch into panic mode and work hard at it to the exclusion of everything else - even biting the heads off of my family members who interrupt me . LOL ! 1 . Admit I have some motivation problems when it comes to my writing ( and several other areas of life too ! ) 2 . Form a plan to change that behavior by setting weekly goals . 4 . Finding accountability partners - in this case a wonderful group of committed Christian writers to whom I have to report each week with goals for the week and results from the previous week . It also means that I must hold the other members accountable too which is a good motivator . It 's not acceptable to encourage others to do what I 'm not willing to do myself . Keep me accountable , Lord . Help me to change one step at a time , so I can eventually reach my goal of being a productive / prolific writer for you . Amen . " So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord . Remember the great reward it brings you ! Patient endurance is what you need now , so that you will continue to do God 's will . Then you will receive all that he has promised . " Hebrews 10 : 35 - 36 NLT Several years ago , I was going through a dark place in my life . I felt emotionally drained and depressed , unsure if I would ever get out of such a deep pit of despair . My trust muscles were so atrophied at that point in my life , I had difficulty believing God could care about me , even though I had been a Christian for most of my life . During that time , I had an appointment in a town about 40 miles from home . I arrived a little early , so I sat in my car , waiting and listening to a Christian radio station . They played a song I had never heard before , but the words brought a ray of hope into the darkness . I went into my appointment with a sense that I would make it through that current dark situation . As I drove home that day , I tried to remember the words , the tune and the artist who sang the song . I thought maybe I could stop at the Christian bookstore on the way home and purchase the song . Nothing ! I couldn 't remember one word or even a bit of the tune . And I had no idea who sang it . The hope I had felt was snuffed out . Because I was dealing with issues of trust during that time , it was important for me to see God 's hand at work in my life . I needed to know that he cared for me in the darkness I faced . I prayed that he would somehow let me hear that song again , though I wasn 't sure I 'd know it if I heard it since I couldn 't remember one thing about it . But about 2 weeks later , parked in the same spot , waiting for another appointment , the station played the song again . Right away I knew it was the same song that had blessed me just 2 weeks before . So this time I grabbed some paper and wrote down the song title and artist - Never Alone by Damaris Carbaugh . It was such a little , but intensely personal , answer to prayer . It was one of many that the Lord used during that time of emotional healing to let me know he was there and he cared . What a blessing that song has been to me in the years since that day . Its message still assures me I 'm never alone , he 's in my heart and will be my closest friend , no matter what kind of circumstances I find myself in - no matter how I feel - no matter how dark the way seems . That answered prayer has helped to teach me to recognize God 's care . He has been rebuilding my trust , brick by brick through the little answers to prayer - many of them seemingly insignificant to others , yet of vital importance to me to demonstrate his great love , patience and trustworthiness . But why does He bother ? Because He wants to use you to touch the lives of others . There will always be someone walking behind you on life 's journey , watching your life and in need of your particular , special wisdom . Joshua spent most of his younger life in the shadow of Moses . He learned how t lead by watching the example of Israel 's greatest leader . He also learned about God at Moses feet . Yet he still lacked confidence when it came time for him to take the reins of leadership . God had to tell him 9 times in that first chapter to be strong and very courageous ! Think back to the Christians who helped you in your journey . God placed them in your path to teach and guide you . He even encouraged you Himself through the Scriptures . When you 're ready , He will place you in the path of others to teach and guide . It 's the way He works . God continually works with us , training us and disciplining us so we can become strong . Usually strength comes from adversity . Look at the butterfly - it is through its struggle to get free of the cocoon that the fluid is forced out of its body and into its wings making them strong and sturdy enough for flight . In the same way , He uses the struggles of our lives to strengthen us . No one likes to go through pain , but struggles are a part of life . Everyone has them . How we deal with them will make all the difference . When we lean into Him and work through them , we change like the caterpillar until we are no longer emotionally chained to the struggle . We learn to soar . Then others see what God has done in our lives and will desire it too . Without even realizing it , we are beginning to mentor them in their spiritual growth process . The truth is , if we are comfortable in our struggles , we will never change because change hurts ! Growth hurts . And we will normally try to avoid hurt at all costs . . But when we hurt so bad we can 't stand it in our struggles , He shows us a better way , giving us hope and the will to change . " How does one become a butterfly ? " she asked . " You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar . " Anonymous " " I am the vine , and you are the branches . If you stay joined to me , and I to you , you will produce plenty of fruit . But separated from me you won 't be able to do anything . " John 15 : 5 ERV In one of the early churches we pastored , we had 3 apple trees in our yard . One was old , but still producing apples . They were smallish and not very pretty looking , but they made the best apple sauce . The second was a younger tree of the same kind which had recently started producing apples that were larger and beautiful for pies . The third tree , another young tree , produced tart green apples . Not wanting to waste the apples , I spent many hours that fall , picking them up and canning them into the most wonderful pink sauce . I baked a lot of apple pies and dumplings that year too . My mother - in - law even took a large basket home with her But the job seemed never ending since the trees produced quite a bit of fruit ! By the time the apple harvest was done , so was I . LOL ! Knowing that all those apples came from just three trees amazes me . Ane each of those trees came from just one seed . Over the lifetime of the trees , I can 't begin to imagine how much fruit would be produced ! But God knows and counted each apple . So be careful how you live . Don 't live like fools , but like those who are wise . Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days . Ephesians 5 : 15 - 16 NLT - If I have leftovers , we eat them for lunch the next day . If there are too many leftovers , I make TV dinners from the leftover portions . These are great for evenings when I don 't have time to cook a hot meal or for Dear Hubby ( DH ) if I need to go to take care of the grandkids . - There are only 2 of us at home now , but DH still likes an occassional piece of cake for dessert . So I bake a cake and cut it into individual portions , freezing what we won 't eat . Later we can pull out one piece at a time which satisfies the sweet tooth and keeps us from throwing out half a stale cake . - There 's often tons of leftovers at church dinners , including coffee . The coffee can be frozen in ice cube trays and stored in gallon plastic freezer bags . Take out a few cubes and nuke them for a minute for a single cup of coffee without making a whole pot . It 's as good as instant coffee . Recently I came home from a picnic with several bags of sandwich buns . They had been frozen once and would get dried out too much if refrozen , so they were headed to the landfill . I broke them into pieces , added seasonings , onions and celery , then baked a large batch of stuffing which I cut into meal - sized portions to serve with some frozen chicken breasts I had . Yummy ! Although she is a very vocal , yippy little dog , she does make us smile with some of her antics . Whenever I ask her if she needs to go outside , she scoots around the dining room table several times or dances around in circles until I can get the leash attached to take her out . If we 've been gone for a period of time during the day , she will greet us in much the same way with happy little yips and circle spins as we pet and greet her . There are times I get excited about the Lord here and now . I can only imagine an excitement so uncontainable that it causes me to spin around in circles when I see him face to face ! How about you ? " I look up to the hills , but where will my help really come from ? My help will come from the LORD , the Creator of heaven and earth . " Psalm 121 : 1 - 2 ERV While working for an optometrist about 18 years ago , I learned a simple trick to relieve some of that eye strain . He suggested that each hour I take off my glasses for a few minutes and look away from the computer screen . It wasn 't enough to merely look away , though . He wanted me to find a comfortable chair facing a window . Then he told me to concentrate on looking up at the top of the tallest building , tree or mountain I saw out the window for about 5 minutes ! By changing the focus of my eyes to a distant object out the window , it gave the muscles that control the eye movement a chance to return to their relaxed state instead of the tense , close - up state needed for reading the computer screen . It didn 't matter if the object was blurred because it wasn 't about seeing it clearly - it was about relaxing the muscles supporting the eyes . Also , by getting away from the computer to a comfortable chair , the whole body had the opportunity to relax after the tension of the typing posture . Over time , I 've noticed this eye muscle - relaxation exercise has other benefits . When I 'm writing , it gives me a chance to stop focusing on the words God gives me to write for a few minutes and to focus instead on the God who gives the words . It gives me time to commune with him and to gain his perspective on the story 's direction and purpose . If there are other distractions which prevent me from hearing his voice clearly , this mental pause helps me to refocus on him alone . Like the Psalmist , I look at the far - away mountains , but I 'm not necessarily seeing them clearly . They 're just directing my eyes toward the God who created them . My help , my ideas and the words I write really come from him - and when I pause to reflect on that , it rests my heart as well as my eyes , giving me the motivation and help I need to keep writing . " I will still be the same when you are old and gray , and I will take care of you . I created you . I will carry you and always keep you safe . " Isaiah 46 : 4 CEV My mother started having memory problems when she was in her early 60s . It wasn 't until she was about 66 years old that she was diagnosed with Alzheimer 's , a dreaded disease that slowly stole her memories and her health . Yet as I watched her decline physically and mentally over the next 10 years , I was amazed at God 's loving care for her . We lived about 200 miles away and I worked full time , which prevented me from being there very often to help care for her . So when my father developed some difficulties that required hospitalization , I had the emotionally difficult job of placing her in a personal care home . God was there , in the process , watching over Mom . He gave us wisdom to place her in a newly built , affordable facility that was just a half block from their home of 50 years . In the home , she quickly won the hearts of the staff with her gentle nature and she received wonderful care . When she became so ill she needed full time nursing care , I prayed , about where to move her . Once again God gave wisdom and we moved her to a skilled nursing facility where she and my dad had volunteered for years - singing , cheering and helping with the patients . Some of her nurses even remembered her and took exceptional care of her for the week she was there until she died . God was with her carrying her , even through her last days by bringing people who remembered her ministry and cared about her . Thank you Lord , that we never grow so old , feeble or helpless that you toss us away . I can trust you to care for me and always keep me safe in your loving arms . Amen . But for us as Christians , the term " stewardship " has an even deeper meaning - to take responsible care of all these resources because they really belong to God . To God , people have always been more important than material possessions so what is boils down to is that we need to live a life based on giving and serving , using the resources God has given us . It means becoming attentive to the needs of others around us and serving them out of a willing heart - yes , even giving our very lives away if necessary to serve others in order to bring them to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ . Give away your life ; you 'll find life given back , but not merely given back - given back with bonus and blessing . Giving , not getting , is the way . Generosity begets generosity . " Luke 6 : 38 The Message " Jesus came and told his disciples , " I have been given all authority in heaven and on earth . Therefore , go and make disciples of all the nations , baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit . Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you . And be sure of this : I am with you always , even to the end of the age . " " Matthew 28 : 18 - 20 NLT Being a writer is important to me . It 's a way to share my faith and my story with my family , friends and those I 've never met . So when asked to share about my writing with a group of women at a luncheon , I wanted to encourage them to become writers too . No , they may never write a novel , but anyone can leave a legacy of their faith with a few words strategically placed for others to find . Who knows how your words will impact another person and teach them important lessons about Christ ? 1 . Photos . We all have them . I inherited a large boxful when my parents passed away . Many of them are meaningless to me : nameless faces in unknown places . I 'm not sure what to do with them since I feel uncomfortable tossing them out . However , the ones I do know , I am in the process of labeling so my children will know who they are and how they fit into their family tree . If I know something about their faith , I 'm including that as well - little stories , memories I have of them or quotes that I remember to inspire and encourage my grandchildren in their faith Sticky notes work well so I don 't have to write directly on the photos or to create labor intensive scrapbooks . Another thing I would recommend is to make a list of 50 " facts about me " . Or to write out your testimony - when you first met the Lord , how knowing him has changed your life , some examples of answered prayer . Select a personal photo to go along with those writings . It 's an ideal way to share your personal faith for your family and place them in a special box or folder . 2 . Recipes . I inherited my mom 's cookbooks and recipes . Many of those bring back childhood memories and become topics to write about to share about family traditions , about how we celebrated Jesus as a family , etc . Again , including photos with these particular foods or events will help to bring the writing alive and can be a memory maker or teaching tool . connecting one generation to the next or in sharing the gospel . 3 . Diaries or letters . Do you keep a diary or journal ? Keep one that details the important inspirational or faith - related happenings of your life . This is a great way to share your story of your relationship with Christ . As your children and grandchildren read these , they will learn what made you tick and why Christ was so important to you . If you are into technology , you might keep an online blog to preserve your faith stories for all to read . Include a photo in the front of the diary as well to put a face to the faith stories ! " Follow the pattern of true teachings that you heard from me in faith and love , which are in Christ Jesus . Protect the truth that you were given ; protect it with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in us . " 2 Timothy 1 : 13 - 14 NCV At almost 13 years old , Eve is an accomplished seamstress . She enjoys sewing for herself , as well as for her sisters . Eve can even look at things and duplicate them without a pattern . She recently joined 4 - H , just in time to enter some things in the local county fair . She won a first place ribbon for an outfit she made for her baby sister as well as a 3rd place ribbon for a skirt she made for herself . Way to go Eve ! I think one of the reasons I feel so proud of Eve and her sewing talents is that I helped to teach her , way back when she was 8 years old . We were visiting her family in Florida and I needed to borrow my daughter 's sewing machine to fix an article of clothing . Eve was curious about the machine and wanted to learn how to use it so of course , Grandma had the privilege of introducing her to sewing . After I finished with the machine , I helped her to cut out and sew two aprons - one for herself and one for her sister , Abby . After that , she was hooked ! Once she learned to read , she was able to follow directions on the patterns by herself and now she can make almost anything . When I visited several months ago , we cut out 4 summer sundresses for Eve 's new infant sister , Lily , and we spent several hours sewing together to finish them . It 's important to take time with our young people - to teach them skills they 'll need to survive in the adult world , and to help them develop their individual talents and abilities . Equally important is to teach them the eternal truths of the Gospel . They need to know how to protect those truths in their hearts , especially today when Christian values and Biblical teachings are being attacked on all sides . OK . So I forgot to post Baby Josh 's 5 month pics . . . . . . oh yeah , and Eve 's 16th b - day pics , and Lily 's 4 year pics and probably a few other things . . . I will . . .
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Posted on October 30 , 2016October 30 , 2016 by ofmiceandmagic There were so many of them , but no one ever did the book ! And I knew what the book was ' cause I read the book ! And I could see that in most of the scenes , Harker is called Renfield and Lucy is the one in love but she 's married to Harker and they just totally played havoc with Stoker 's novel , you know , just to suit whatever God knows the reason was . - Francis Ford Coppola In a special feature about the making 0f Francis Ford Coppola 's interpretation of Dracula , he mentions the entire cast reading the book together , how happy he was to add characters like Quincey who don 't normally appear in the movies , and the above quote . Yes , his version does have scenes and lines that don 't usually appear in the movies , but the characters ' personalities get twisted around , and the plot focuses on a love story that simply didn 't exist in the book ! Isn 't that " playing havoc " with Stoker 's novel too ? For example , Quincey finally got to appear alongside Dr . Seward and Arthur in this movie . Like the book , they all try to win Lucy 's heart , and we get to hear Quincey making the heartfelt speech that he made to her in the book . Unfortunately , Lucy 's personality got warped into an over - sexualized flirt who shamelessly plays with the emotions of her three suitors . So she cuts Quincey off mid - speech to run squealing to Dr . Seward . It was nice to hear lines from the book , but the way the scene played out was all wrong . It felt like a punch in the gut to both of their characters . Okay . First things first , I don 't mind when people ship Dracula / Mina . I understand that many people probably became acquainted with both characters through this movie , the TV series , or any other adaptation that shows them having some type of attraction to each other . The authors of the " official " sequel considered this issue when they wrote Dracula : The Un - Dead and decided to rewrite their relationship in the original book into a romance . However … when I think about their relationship in the original book , I wonder how this even happened in the first place ? The authors of Dracula : The Un - Dead admitted in an author 's note that Bram Stoker never " clearly " wrote a romance , but that 's like saying that J . K . Rowling never " clearly " wrote a father / son relationship between Harry and Voldemort . As you know by now if you 've read my other Dracula posts , the Count imprisons and psychologically tortures Mina 's fiancé , Jonathan Harker . She spends most of the summer worrying about Jonathan because she doesn 't hear much from him except one curt message that doesn 't sound like him at all . Then , the Count arrives in London and murders her best friend . So , even if they had never interacted at all in the book , why would anybody believe that Mina could fall in love with a man who almost killed her husband and killed her best friend ? ( FYI : no , she wasn 't the reincarnation of his dead wife in the book . She had no relationship to him at all . ) But it doesn 't end there . Aside from a scene where Mina spots Dracula feeding on Lucy , she and the Count don 't interact at all until the male protagonists start the vampire hunt and leave her behind . They think she 'll be safer at home . They 're wrong : the Count breaks into Dr . Seward 's house and secretly feeds on Mina 's blood for a few nights without anyone realizing . THEN , when they finally figure it out , the men burst into the Harkers ' room , where they find Jonathan unconscious and Dracula forcing Mina to drink his own blood . " Then he spoke to me mockingly : ' And so you , like the others , would play your brains against mine . You would help these men to hunt me and frustrate me in my designs ! You know now [ … ] what it is to cross my path . And you , their best beloved one , are now to me flesh of my flesh ; blood of my blood ; kin of my kin ; my bountiful wine - press for a while ; and shall be later on my companion and helper . But as yet you are to be punished for what you have done . You have aided in thwarting me ; now you shall come to my call . " As I watched the special " making of " features for 1979 Dracula and 1992 Dracula , I felt like I must be missing something here , because the weirdness of Dracula / Mina never got addressed . Nobody gave any indication that they knew the romance was inaccurate , but wanted to try something different with the characters . Instead I heard things like this from the 1992 screenwriter , James V . Hart : " The idea was to portray Dracula finally as a charismatic , tragic hero that he really was , not just another bloodsucking monster that we have to do away with . " I don 't see anything " heroic " about that attack on Mina in the book . So , because this issue never gets addressed , the romance on screen seems even more confusing . I appreciate that Coppola wanted to be more faithful to the book , but by allowing the romance to be a plot point , we now see Dracula imprison Jonathan in his castle , travel to London to hit on Jonathan 's girlfriend , and said girlfriend doesn 't seem to care as much as she should . When she finds out that the man she 's kissing did in fact kill Lucy , she cries and smacks him … and then goes right back to kissing him . What the … ? To make matters worse , the movie 's romance between Dracula and Mina is pretty creepy even without the context of the book . He introduces himself to her as a foreigner and asks if she 'd show him around . She brushes him off and says to go find a map . Ok , that was a little rude , but this doesn 't justify his attempts to keep following her and making comments about how she shouldn 't wander around London by herself . Mina actually threatens to call the police on him ! AND THEN … he apologizes , and she assures him that it 's okay because she was the one being rude to him , the poor stalker . So they go on a date immediately afterwards , and all of a sudden , his desire for her overcomes her , and so he drags her off into a corner while she struggles and protests . He considers sucking her blood , but manages to restrain himself . Meanwhile , she 's still struggling , but stops when she realizes , " I know you ! " Keanu Reeves isn 't who I would have picked to play Jonathan , but to be honest , I don 't hate his performance . He seems like he 's really trying to do well , and the movie didn 't give him much to do . He 's important in the beginning , but after getting left to die in the Count 's castle , he takes a backseat to the romance between his girlfriend and his captor . Technically , this is somewhat accurate to the book . In the opening four chapters , we only hear from him . After he comes back , he 's just one of several different characters who write down their perspectives of what 's happening . Nonetheless , he 's still important . Out of all the men in the group , he is the one who hunts the Count the most relentlessly to save his wife . He has a bit of a character arc , going from terrified survivor to vampire hunter . The movie doesn 't let him shine or show the other two times he climbed down the castle wall to get away from the Count . Again , it is so nice to see all three of Lucy 's suitors : Dr . Seward , Quincey , and Arthur . Unfortunately , they don 't get to do much either , to the point that their character entry on TV Tropes refers to them as " Lucy 's Suitors . " I guess that 's why their roles get consolidated into one or two roles for the movies . I 've already mentioned the whole issue with Lucy 's personality change . Then there 's the way Dracula attacks her . You could argue that Dracula 's attacks on women have sexual subtext in the book , which is why I get mad about the misinterpretation of the big scene between the Count and Mina . But there 's no subtext in the movie . When Mina finds Lucy at night , she sees the Count in his wolf form having sex with her . Yes . As a wolf man . Later , when he comes to kill Lucy , it looks like she 's having sex with a shadow . Then a wolf comes throw the window to basically bite her neck off . It 's so over - the - top and bizarre that I can 't find it scary . It made me uncomfortable in all the wrong ways . I prefer the Count Dracula version or even the Frank Langella version that shows Lucy struggling for air with no apparent reason for her illness . When it 's filmed as described in the book , that is when I winced and couldn 't look at the screen . In the book , Dr . Van Helsing came to help Lucy as a favor to Dr . Seward . He initially cares about her the way that he cares about all of his patients , but it doesn 't take long for him to consider her a friend too . When Mrs . Westenra accidentally interferes with the treatment for her daughter , Van Helsing actually breaks down and cries , knowing what will happen to Lucy if they don 't save her . In the movie , Dr . Van Helsing doesn 't care about Lucy at all . He 's just excited to find an actual vampire victim that might lead him to Dracula . He doesn 't even care about the feelings of his friend , Dr . Seward , casually calling Lucy a whore and saying nonchalantly that he wants to cut off her head and drive a stake through her heart . His attitude is a little funny , but it 's also cruel and completely out of character . I know Sir Anthony Hopkins is a great actor and normally I would call him a good choice for this role , but the role itself is not written well . Oh , and what about Renfield ? Somehow I always leave him out . But that 's because he never gets to really do anything . I don 't have any strong opinions here . The set design , the costumes , and the music are gorgeous , so that 's well and good . The movie also brings back the diary entries by showing Jonathan and Mina writing and hearing them narrate their adventures . I can 't remember if Dr . Seward is ever shown talking into his phonograph . I think so , but not for very long . Sometimes it 's awkward , i . e . Jonathan saying how unnerved he is by what 's happening at Castle Dracula , when we should be able to deduce that ourselves , or Mina reflecting on how " sweet " Lucy is even as she 's emotionally manipulating the three men at her house . However , overall the diaries are well - incorporated into the movie when they do appear . My friend , Alie , warned me about this one ahead of time . I figured I was in for the same old mistakes : Lucy acting like a flirt , Mina falling in love with Dracula , Jonathan being a jerk , Dracula being a sympathetic antihero , etc . But that 's not quite what happened here . All of the typical mistakes got exchanged for brand - new ones . In this version , the plot is set in motion by Arthur Holmwood and an evil cult that wants to bring Dracula to London . Arthur wants to marry Lucy , just like in the book . Unlike the book , he learns after proposing to her that he inherited syphilis from his late father , and if he has sex with Lucy , she 'll get it too . I can 't help but wonder if the screenwriter , Steward Harcourt , looked at Coppola 's Dracula and said , " Okay , instead of making Lucy a jerk , why not make her boyfriend the jerk instead ? " That 's basically what happened . Lucy 's not as innocent as she acts in the book because she makes it clear that she wants to consummate her marriage to Arthur as soon as possible . But she is a very kind - hearted character who comforts Mina while the latter cries and worries about the missing Jonathan . It 's easy to see why these two are friends . Part of me feels bad for criticizing Arthur because he 's clearly under a lot of stress , but boy did his character take a beating . In the book , he is a man who loves his fiance so much that he leaps at the chance to give her a blood transfusion when she 's sick . He 's close friends with Quincey ( who is missing in action once again ) and Dr . Seward , so much so that he feels embarrassed about asking Dr . Seward for help because they both wanted to marry Lucy . In the movie , he refuses to tell anybody about his syphilis or his connection to evil cults , to the point that he holds poor Dr . Seward at gunpoint until Seward agrees to give his own blood for the transfusion . Wow , Art . The syphilis also affects his relationship with Lucy ; he constantly makes excuses for why he doesn 't want to be around her and snaps at her every time she suggests sex . I know that sounds like it makes sense on paper , but the way he constantly tells her to do what he says , without explaining why , is verbally abusive . Here I was , ready to root for this Arthur since he 's played by Dan Stevens , aka Matthew Crawley . But he 's too hard to like until the very end when he goes through some character development . 3 ) Van Helsing is not Dr . Seward 's mentor . He 's a man with an interest in pre - Christian religions whom the Evil Cult hires to find out if vampires still exist . He discovers Dracula and goes from being the Count 's prisoner to a prisoner of the Evil Cult . Neither of the groups can kill him because he has the protection of the Cross . Dr . Seward eventually rescues him and that is their first meeting . 6 ) Mina never drinks Dracula 's blood . He almost forces her to do it , but gets distracted when he realizes that Lucy got staked . So Mina kicks him and runs away . THAT ' S MY GIRL ! 😀 There 's also a stronger religious theme in this movie than in other versions . Dracula cannot attack anyone wearing a Cross around their necks . When he first goes to attack one of the women , he picks Lucy over Mina because Mina is praying the Rosary . The evil cult is basically a group of devil worshippers and Dr . Seward says they have a " black altar " in their headquarters . ( And by the way , the inverted Cross is the Cross of St . Peter . It 's not supposed to be an evil symbol . If people , especially moviemakers , could please stop treating it like one , that would be beautiful . ) When Arthur asks Seward and Van Helsing how they can possibly defeat Dracula , Van Helsing replies that their best weapon is their faith . I 'm not a perfect Christian or anything , but I love my faith , so I actually appreciated the symbolism for the most part . I feel like Marc Warren , who played Dracula , did his best with the material given to him . The problem with him is that he 's so over - the - top creepy in the beginning . He doesn 't give Jonathan much of a welcome ; he just shows him to his room and tells him not to leave it . In another scene , he sniffs Mina 's picture in front of Jonathan . This might just be my own personal interpretation , but I felt that Dracula was always subtle around Jonathan , so that it took him a couple of days to suspect that something was wrong . That 's not the case here , and I prefer the book version . The gradual descent into the Worst Business Trip Ever while constantly questioning one 's sanity strikes me as a lot scarier . Finally , surprise , surprise , I 'm still not completely satisfied with this version of Mina . She 's better in a lot of ways , but she refuses to help the heroes for a long time because she 's grieving over Jonathan and Lucy . At least I can understand her motive this time around and she does get to participate in the final fight . She gets captured during said fight , but at least she 's involved and not actively trying to thwart the other heroes . And , to be honest , I almost cried at the end when she decided to honor Jonathan 's memory by traveling to places he would 've liked to have visited throughout Europe , instead of grieving . That 's beautiful . It also suggests some positive character development for Mina . Previously , she admitted to Lucy and Dracula that she liked to revisit old places where Jonathan went and even slept in his bed to feel close to him . By the end of the movie , she 's moving on while still remembering him in a healthier way . A lot of the changes are weird . The scene where the heroes stake Lucy is a little goofy since it ends with Lucy stretching herself out and kind of … letting Arthur stake her , I think ? Did I see that right ? I wouldn 't call this movie a faithful adaptation of Bram Stoker 's novel . But it could have been so much worse , as you shall see … As far as I call tell , this is where the Dracula / Mina romance started to develop in film adaptations . She plays the victim for the most part in the previous films . In the 1979 Universal remake , she moves away from the victim role and becomes a character who sympathizes with Dracula and defends him from the men trying to save her . Count Dracula is still the monster who murdered her best friend , but somehow she never finds out about that particular flaw in his character . First , however , there are some other interesting changes to the source material . Unlike the other adaptations , 1979 Dracula skips the first four chapters entirely . Jonathan is still the Count 's solicitor , but they only communicated through letters . Instead , the film begins with Dracula attacking the crew of the ship that brought him to England . Once again , Dr . Seward is the leading lady 's father instead of her peer . But this time , he 's Lucy 's father , not Mina 's . Again , Mina and Lucy 's roles get switched around . " Mina " is Dracula 's first victim who dies , and " Lucy " is dating Jonathan and becomes Dracula 's second victim . I don 't really understand why the movie does this . It 'd be like Sherlock or Elementary casting Dr . Watson as the detective with amazing observation skills and Sherlock as his / her amazed sidekick . What 's the point if the only aspects of the characters to change are the names ? Why not just keep them as they are ? Change # 1 : According to Jonathan , Dracula was supposed to be traveling aboard the ship that wrecked in Whitby . The Count presents himself as the sole survivor of the wreck . Okay … but he also ripped the crews ' throats out while murdering them . Why do that ? Doesn 't he think the humans will wonder why they were killed so brutally from something that obviously had nothing to do with a shipwreck , and he got away fine ? In the book , he appears to have sent them overboard after killing them . The only man they find on board is the captain , because he 'd tied himself to the wheel with a Rosary to protect himself . So the people all assume , based on the dead captain 's log , that the first mate lost his mind , murdered the crew , and killed himself . It 'd be hard to make that same assumption in the movie with all the messy evidence that Dracula left lying around . Luckily for him , only Jonathan really wonders about it . Change # 2 : Renfield 's role got reduced . Dracula turns him into a man who hungers for blood and lives , but then he never does anything with his new servant . Apparently , he doesn 't need Renfield to get into Dr . Seward 's house like he did in the book . So what was the point of using him ? Come to think of it , this happens a lot . Either Renfield doesn 't appear or his role from the book becomes irrelevant because Dracula regularly socializes with the heroes . Drac always seems to " need " him for something , but we never find out what that something is . It happens again in the 1992 version , but that 's the least of the 1992 version 's problems . Also , Mina is Van Helsing 's daughter for some reason . He doesn 't get involved until after they tell him that she died . I don 't really care one way or the other about this change . On the bright side , the movie has nods to the book and the 1931 film that I appreciated . Dracula gets to keep most of his powers from the book : shapeshifting into wolves , bats , or mist , climbing up down walls like a lizard , possibly controlling the weather , etc . His showdown with Van Helsing from 1931 improves in this movie . Langella 's vampire actively tries to attack him instead of just glaring and one attempt at hypnotism . Van Helsing fights back with garlic and the Holy Eucharist . It 's cooler than it sounds and it makes more sense for the Count to up and leave as opposed to how he did it in the 1931 confrontation . Unfortunately , however , he dies by sunlight again . Aside from the romance angle , Frank Langella is honestly one of the best Draculas I 've watched . His attack on Mina ( now playing the part of Lucy ) is genuinely scary , where he pulls out a window pane with his nails and stares at her through the window . He does a great job of balancing sophistication with the monster hidden underneath . While I don 't like the romance , there 's a scene where he discusses business with Jonathan and concludes by asking him to tell Lucy that she 's always welcome to stop by and visit . Then he adds , " You 're welcome , of course , but you are leaving , are you not ? " That sneaky taunt disguised as a nice invitation felt very in - character for Dracula . At first , with Lucy , all seemed great . She 's proudly feminist , which actually doesn 't fit her character in the book . Stoker 's Mina conducted herself as a hardworking , self - sufficient woman , but she didn 't recognize the " New Woman " in herself . However , I happily accepted the change because it seemed better than the crying damsel alternative who 'd showed up previously in 1931 . This Lucy loves Jonathan and Mina - at first . When Mina dies , she 's devastated and tells Jonathan that she doesn 't think she wants to be happy again . Not even five minutes of screen time pass before her father tells her that the Count has invited her to dinner . Does she accept the invitation , even though she just finished saying that she didn 't want to do anything fun after Mina 's death ? Of course she does ! Soon the Count has her smiling and laughing and making out with him . Unlike other Dracula adaptations , this one includes a romance without the reincarnation plot . It 's implied that Dracula loves Lucy because of her intelligence and independence . That 's an element that reappears in the TV show . Okay , but I have to ask : why should any woman have to date a serial killer to feel empowered ? What kind of message is that ? That 's awful . It 's not accurate to the book either . Book ! Dracula partially targets Mina because she 's smart and she 's volunteered to help stop him . Jonathan , in contrast , worries about leaving Mina out of the vampire killing plans because he never wants to leave his wife in the dark about anything . He respects her . Dracula does not . In the end , Van Helsing and Jonathan destroy Dracula while Mina screams and tries to stop them . Even worse , because she helps Dracula , he is able to impale Van Helsing and the good professor dies . But at least the men burn Dracula with sunlight and Mina loses her fangs , so all is well … right ? Not exactly : the movie ends with Dracula 's cloak flying away like a bat , with the sound of wolves howling in the distance . Mina watches from the ship and smiles . The monster who murdered her best friend and her friend 's father might have escaped . Hooray … ? Posted on October 13 , 2016October 13 , 2016 by ofmiceandmagic This BBC two - part series from 1977 was an unexpected detour in Dracula Month . I 'd seen just about every other movie on the list before , but not this one nor the BBC remake from 2006 . When I read the description of the 1977 version on Wikipedia , I got excited . It was said to be considered one of the most faithful adaptations ever made and didn 't mention anything about a romantic liaison between Mina and the Count . So , I got the DVD from the library and began to watch . Count Dracula acted suave and often chilling . His solicitor was Jonathan , not Renfield . Mina acted like the kind , hardworking , intelligent character that Stoker created . Lucy acted sweet and loving and didn 't flirt with anything that moved . Quincey got to make an appearance ! Dr . Seward wasn 't Mina 's father ! Van Helsing was smart , witty , and kind ! First things first : despite its faithfulness overall , we still see character roles condensed and relationships switched around . Mina and Lucy are sisters in this version and Lucy wants to marry Quincey . Arthur doesn 't appear at all , although Dr . Seward does and Lucy mentions to Mina that he did propose to her . Poor Quincey gets left out of these adaptations so often that I think it 's only fair that he got to play the love interest this time around . Plus , his upbeat personality makes Lucy 's death sadder . Even after it 's obvious that she won 't survive Dracula 's attack , he sits by her bed and tells her all about the house that he bought for them where they can live after the honeymoon that he knows will never happen . That hurt to watch . Meanwhile , it 's nice to see Jonathan act as Dracula 's solicitor . Unfortunately , I didn 't enjoy Bosco Hogan 's performance as Jonathan . Most of the time , he sounds unemotional and uninvested in what 's happening to him . Granted , in the book he tries to hide his fear from Count Dracula , but this Jonathan sounds detached regardless of whether he 's talking to Dracula or Mina . When he sees the vampire in London and exclaims to Mina , " It 's the man himself ! " I always imagined that he would 've sounded terrified , but his tone in this production sounds mildly puzzled more than anything else . Boo . There 's a similar problem with Louis Jourdan 's performance as Count Dracula , where he sounds a little too calm at times . Fortunately , this works in Jourdan 's favor for most of his scenes because it correctly suggests that Dracula is a powerful villain and it will take all of the heroes ' combined skills to challenge him . My favorite scene involves Jonathan angrily accusing the Count of keeping him prisoner , demanding to know what was up with the brides , etc , etc . Each time he makes an accusation , the Count provides a rational explanation , and it 's so creepy to watch . We , the audience , know that Jonathan 's right about the Count , but the Count doesn 't care . He 's one step ahead of Jonathan the whole time . Anyone staying in this vampire 's house would definitely question his / her sanity after a week or two . But then during the scene with Jonathan and the three Brides , Dracula walks in on their attempt to eat his solicitor . In the book , he practically rips the blonde bride away from Jonathan and goes berserk on them . In the miniseries , he kind of sweeps them back and doesn 't sound angry at all . He 's so nonchalant that I 'd expect him to say , " C ' mon guys … you know better … just go away … go on now … shoo … " That 's really not very scary . I 'd really love to see somebody portray Dracula the way that Tilda Swinton played the White Witch of Narnia in the live - action The Lion , the Witch , and the Wardrobe from 2005 . She could 've easily decided to go the hammy route , but she didn 't . When she wanted Edmund to trust her , she treated him kindly . When he failed to give her what she wanted , she would alternate between screaming at him and talking in a cold , calm voice . It was effective because you knew that she could fly off the handle and turn people into stone , but you didn 't know when she might do it . But , going back to Count Dracula , it is unnerving when Jonathan casually tells Dracula about Mina 's plans to vacation in Whitby and then sees Whitby circled on a map in a later scene . Now , that 's an adaptation change that I can embrace . Here , Mina 's first encounter with Dracula doesn 't feel like a coincidence anymore , without betraying their characterizations in the book by adding a reincarnated dead wife plot . ( ARGH ! ! ! ) Best of all , this adaptation showed me just how disturbing Stoker 's novel really is . I 've never had to look away from the screen as many times as I did with this one . Viewers get to see the Brides lift the baby out of Dracula 's sack to eat it . When Jonathan goes to the crypt , he sees Dracula sleeping in his coffin with a wide - open stare and eyes full of blood . Dracula 's attack on Lucy , her illness , and her death , all look painful as she writhes and gasps for air . It 's one thing to read about her pale face and her struggles to breathe , and another thing to see and hear it . If only the movie could 've maintained its fear factor for each scene . Unfortunately , there are many cheesy and confusing moments as well . When Dracula goes into vampire mode for several scenes , nothing about his costume or makeup changes . Instead , the camera switches to a negative shot where the colors on his face reverse . It doesn 't look scary ; it just looks weird . Other shots overlap images , i . e . Mina 's face during the scene with the Brides . It 's confusing rather than unsettling or disturbing . This adaptation also uses an inordinate amount of mysterious chimes in place of a full musical score . Van Helsing and Jonathan are investigating one of Dracula 's lairs when the monster walks into the room - cue the chimes . ( It 's also unintentionally funny because they pay no attention at first , causing me to think , " They didn 't hear the chimes , Count , try again . " ) Jonathan cuts his face while shaving and the camera dramatically zooms in on the blood while the chimes play . Maybe it 's just me , but I don 't think chimes sound very dramatic or scary and they didn 't fit Count Dracula . But as far as adaptations go , this is pretty good ! Everyone 's acting in - character , despite Jonathan being a little dull . WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG ? This was not a sexy , romantic scene in the book . He grabbed her arms with one hand so that she couldn 't fight back , then he smashed her head into his chest so that she would either swallow his blood or suffocate . She does not smile . She screams and cries the whole time . It is horrible and violating and disgusting . But with that said , when the scene ends and Dracula leaves , Mina does scream that she is " unclean " and cries . This version implies that she was hypnotized into drinking from Dracula 's chest . To be completely fair , this happens to Jonathan in the book when the Brides appear . Part of him wants to back away , but he can 't resist them as one of them draws closer and closer to his neck . Lucy 's journal entries suggest something similar : she 's afraid to go to sleep , but once Dracula gets in her room , she 's powerless to stop him from sucking her blood . And I don 't want anyone to get the wrong impression here : as far as sexual metaphors go , if you 're incapable of giving consent , then you 're still a victim and deserve as much love , support , and help as the victims who fight back . My issue with the damsel version of Mina is that she did get to fight back in her own way . She couldn 't completely resist Dracula 's control , but she found ways . So why take that away from her in the adaptations ? Isn 't that an empowering message for women ? Still , compared to the other adaptations this isn 't too bad . Mina does get to go with the group for the climactic battle and defends herself with a rifle . I think I 'd be a lot more accepting of the change in tone with that one scene if it weren 't for the fact that I know what 's to come between Dracula and Mina in future adaptations . That 's going to start next week , as I cover the 1979 adaptation starring Frank Langella and the 1992 adaptation starring Gary Oldman ! What wonders and horrors await us ? Let 's take a look at the back of the DVD cover for the Frank Langella movie : Posted on October 13 , 2016October 13 , 2016 by ofmiceandmagic Hello , dear readers ! Today , you 'll be hearing from one of my best friends about her own passion for Dracula and the many movies made about him . ( Somebody had to say something positive before I sink my sharp , pointed teeth into 1979 Dracula and Coppola 's Dracula next week . ) Welcome to my guest post ! Read freely of your own will … and finish with some of the happiness you bring ! I am Alison Conlin , and I bid you welcome , dear reader , to this post ! Lauren has permitted me to write a guest post on her Adaptation Station blog in order to share my own personal story and view on what it is like to have a fandom and how it comes to play an important role in one 's own life ! It could even make someone the lovable person they are today and by what their friends and family remember them the best ! This day , October 12 , 2016 , marks 15 years since I have become what I call a " Dracula Die - Hard " ! As of this post I am 27 years old , and have been a huge fan since I was only 12 years old ! Although where my fandom began was not necessarily the correct way to begin a fandom . The whole process becomes a learning experience and as time goes on , once you get your ducks lined up in a row , you are able to pass on the knowledge you have discovered for yourself and freely pass it along to those who spark an interest in your fandom ! For instance , I am the reason why Lauren is writing these blogs and now includes discussions about Dracula into every day conversations with others ! You 're very welcome ! I met Lauren at Freshman Orientation at Immaculata University in July 2007 . At that time , I was new to the whole area and did not know anyone from the Man on the Moon ! I met Lauren through our new friend , April , and we exchanged emails over the summer getting to know one another better ! Prior to getting ready for the Halloween dance at IU , I offered to show the 1931 Dracula to Lauren , April , and our friend , Amanda , as an introduction to the world that had been mine for six years at the time ! As Lauren had mentioned in an earlier post , she wasn 't too intrigued by the story as I was , but did enjoy watching the films with me ! We watched a variety from Bela Lugosi to Christopher Lee , to Frank Langella to Leslie Nielsen with me educating Lauren on the concept of the films and Lauren 's curiosity growing ! But then , in 2011 , practically around this time , when I was celebrating my 10th Dracula Anniversary , Lauren read Bram Stoker 's novel and her fandom had officially taken flight ! In my opinion , everybody should have at least one fandom in his or her life ! Fandoms usually range from a book series , TV shows , movies , music genres , Broadway shows and theater alike , sports teams , and even one 's own faith ! It takes true dedication for it to become a full - blown fandom ! Let 's face it , adult life is stressful and it 's not exactly the " Leave It To Beaver " lifestyle in which the mom bakes an apple pie for her husband and sons when they come home from work and school ! Adult life consists of a juggling act of working long , stressful hours , trying to make a good income , paying bills , striving to save money , spending quality time with your family and friends equally and choosing the next President ! Focusing on these things day in and day out without fail is a recipe for disaster and can cause burnout ! Having a fandom allows your brain to take a little break from the daily struggle known as " The Real World " and permits your mind to think of the qualities that make this fandom your own ! So how did it all begin ? Well … I 'll tell you … from a very unusual source ! Fifteen years ago , I only affiliated Dracula with Halloween and Scooby - Doo cartoons . Little did I know that Dracula was to go above and beyond to become the greatest fandom of my life ! Back in 2001 , Hostess Cupcakes had a commercial shot entirely in black and white that featured a vampire and his lovely victim , and , like all Hostess commercials , a mirage of the cupcake occurs and an unfortunate incident with the confused character inquiring about the cream filling ! The very idea of a vampire going after a beautiful young woman left my mind pondering at what type of phenomenon like this exists . Those of you who know me well are probably not surprised that the " spark " was ignited on the influence of a cupcake commercial , but I swear every word of it ! In fact , here is the commercial that started the madness ! A couple of days later , I was in the living room flipping through the channels and came across the horror spoof Young Frankenstein on AMC . I watched the film from middle to end , liking what I was watching ! So , I flipped through the TV Guide to see if Young Frankenstein was going to play again during the week ( mind you , this is when VHS tapes still existed and DVDs were slowly making their debut ! ) . Instead , I found another film that would change my life forever ! According to the TV Guide , on October 12 , 2001 , at exactly 2PM ( yes I remember the time ) , AMC was showing a horror comedy called Love At First Bite , which stared the Tanned One himself , George Hamilton ( who I did not know about at the time ! ) ! The description in the small box read as " Count Dracula woos a New York supermodel " . Much like the Hostess commercial , this description stayed in my mind practically all week and I eagerly counted down the days and hours until the VCR at home would start recording ! I got home from school around 3PM , quickly changed out of my school uniform and into comfy clothes and watched the last 40 minutes of the movie . Then , I rewound it downstairs and watched it again … and again … and again … and again … okay you get the picture … all weekend long ! I was caught hook , line , and sinker with no chance of being released ! Little did I know that this was the beginning of a beautiful fandom that people would know me by for years to come ! As time wore on , I started off slow with black and white films , such as Dracula with Bela Lugosi and Son of Dracula with Lon Chaney Jr . , who is best known for his role in the film The Wolfman ! I purchased a copy of Bram Stoker 's novel from the Troll Book Club we had at school and it 's an edition I treasure to this day ! I have not found another duplicate of it at any used book sale , antique store - you name it , I never found it ! So , it 's pretty special if I do say so myself ! I also found myself writing a few short stories involving Dracula , two of which were assignments for English class ! One of the two mentioned , looking back on it 15 years later , is not bad for a newbie to the Dracula world , but it is hilariously written with a bunch of what I like to call " Dracula Stereotypes " ! No , I do not have him say " Blah - Blah - Blah ! " as mentioned in Hotel Transylvania , but the stereotypes are just as ridiculous ! Such as Dracula telling his young victim that he has " come to bite her in the throat " ! Gee , I never would have guessed ! I thought he was coming to tell her she won an all expenses vacation to Disney World ! A few months later , my fandom was really and truly coming to life ! I had begun to watch some of the Hammer Horrors such as Horror of Dracula with the awesome Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing duo , and The Brides of Dracula with the gorgeously handsome David Peel ! I had also begun to see the modern films such as Bram Stoker 's Dracula ! When I become obsessed with anything , the idea literally never leaves my mind ! It 's like the illusion of having my head in the clouds ! I think about it all day even when I 'm supposed to be concentrating on more important things like schoolwork or even nowadays , working with my clients at my job ! I thought of the scenes in the film as I wandered through the hallway from class to class and when certain subjects , such as English , became very boring and monotone ! I even envisioned Dracula at the end of a long hallway and I would visualize a re - enactment of Helen Chandler meeting Bela Lugosi in the garden during Dracula . My then thirteen - year - old mind knew no bounds when it came to Dracula ! Many more films , fanfictions , and theories had followed and honestly the rest is history ! Like the theory of inviting a vampire into your home to allow him permanent access inside , I invited Dracula into my mind and he has never left since that day I watched Love At First Bite ! These past fifteen years with a Dracula Fandom have truly been incredible ! As you can see , this fandom has existed for the majority of my life and I have neither shame nor regrets ! It has become the person my friends know me with today and I cannot be any happier or any more thankful to have something so spectacular to lean on , to rest my overworked mind upon , and a topic to discuss with anyone who would listen ! Also , yes I 'm going to say it , Lauren , get ready ! A shout out to Jonathan Rhys Meyers for his role in NBC 's Dracula for not only being his gorgeous self but also showing us how a Dracula adaptation is NOT to be made ! ( However I will leave that to Lauren to tell the tale , for I am merely a guest on this blog ! ) ( Lauren Note : Ohhhh yes , I will " tell the tale . " I WILL TELL THE TALE . ) Out of all the above mentioned Draculas , I might sound a little biased , but I am serious when I say that Bela Lugosi is my favorite of them all ! If you were to ask what it was about Dracula that drew me in the first time … one reason honestly is preteen hormones ! After all , I was twelve and in 7th Grade when I got into Dracula ! While many girls my age chased after and flirted with boys , I chased after Dracula and wanted to learn more and more about him as I can ! Now , as a 27 year old woman who has held onto this Fandom for a decade and a half , let me tell you … . this is a question that has plagued my mind for years ! Usually I come up with a reason when I think long and hard and try to determine the origins of where such things started ! I thought … and thought … and thought … and thought … and then it came to me … . . it is an interest that I cannot explain ! There is something about this Fandom that has held me close to it for the past 15 years and has not permitted me to let go ! Something unknown , something spectacular about this vampire count that pulled me in and has attached itself to me ! It truly is one of those things where you cannot explain why you love it but … deep in your mind … and especially your heart … you know it 's there and that it will become a part of your life … and that those who love you … not only love you for the way you are … but by what makes them the person they are … what Fandom they possess and freely share with others ! I hope that of you receive such a joy and such a splendor through your Fandoms as I have for 15 years ! ! ! Final thoughts : Do not make the same mistake I did and watch a parody before watching the real deal ! Otherwise , you will be completely lost ! Shout out to Lauren for permitting me to guest blog on her Adaptation Station ! Thank you for reading ! ❤ I 'm noticing something bizarre as I watch all of the Dracula movies / shows / mini - series for this blog : when the title of the movie differs from the book , i . e . " Nosferatu , " " Horror of Dracula , " and even " Count Dracula , " it actually follows the story beats , the spirit of the book , and everyone 's characterizations better than its counterparts . But when it 's got Bram Stoker 's name in the title or otherwise associates with him , it screws up the characters and the plot almost beyond recognition . I think I will call this phenomenon " Stoker 's Law of Inverse Adaptations . " This particular movie opens with the diary of Jonathan Harker , just like the book . He narrates the early scenes in the movie as they happen . Normally , I don 't think this is a great idea , but it works here because we find out afterwards that the diary was given to Van Helsing and he 's reading it . After that reveal , the narration stops . In this version , Jonathan isn 't a solicitor helping Dracula move to London . He 's a librarian . One of my favorite characters in the book has the same career as me ! YAY ! So , in this version , Jonathan and Van Helsing are colleagues who hunt vampires . Jonathan went undercover to investigate the Count and meets a woman who claims to be his prisoner . Maybe she is , but she 's also a vampire who tries to turn Jonathan . Like the book version , Jon tries to kill Dracula while he sleeps in his coffin , but fails . Unlike the book , he does stake the Bride , but then Dracula wakes up and turns him into a vampire . Van Helsing finds him later and stakes him . Even though Jonathan wasn 't a solicitor , the Count still goes to London because he wants revenge against Jonathan for killing the Bride . I like this idea because it explains why he obsesses over Mina and Lucy while also maintaining his monstrous personality . It 's similar to his motivation for attacking Mina in the book - to punish the men trying to hunt him down . Also like the book , the Count doesn 't appear very much except for a few key scenes . It 's a shame that we don 't get to hear Christopher Lee talk very much , but he does a good job with the scenes that he gets , as he always does . So how does poor Madame Mina fair ? Well … better than other movies , but still not perfect . She and Lucy swap love interests in this version : Lucy is engaged to Jonathan and Mina is married to Arthur Holmwood . I 'm not sure why , but I guess they wanted to keep Mina as the married protagonist and couldn 't do it with Jonathan because they 'd already killed him off … ? The film has one of the few versions of Lucy who acts mostly in - character : an innocent , naive young woman who doesn 't flirt with everything that moves . Mina acts more in - character too , although we don 't get to see her awesome secretary skills or deductive reasoning . When she realizes that Lucy isn 't getting any better under Dr . Seward 's care , she is the one who goes to Van Helsing for help . Throughout the film , she comes across as a sensible woman who 's willing to believe Van Helsing before her husband does . But unlike the book version of her character , she doesn 't get to do anything to save herself when she gets attacked by Dracula next . Boo ! Hammer 's version of Van Helsing combines his character with Dr . Seward 's : he uses a phonograph to create audio diaries , knows all about vampires , and doesn 't need help pronouncing English words because he 's English here . Even though he 's not the most in - character version of Van Helsing , I think he might be my favorite . He really feels like a formidable foe to Dracula without coming off as insensitive to his friends or unbearably smarter than them . Arthur is a combination of his book character and that jerk version of Jonathan in the 1931 movie . He blames Van Helsing for everything that goes wrong at first , but after they stake Lucy , he accepts that Van Helsing 's telling the truth and becomes a good ally . There 's a really funny scene in this movie where they try to find Dracula 's location by interrogating a clerk that transported his coffin . The man swears that his customers ' confidentiality is more important to him than anything else … while Arthur calmly keeps taking bills out of his wallet until the man admits that he can always make an exception when it 's an emergency . That is in fact how the heroes get a lot of things done in the book : Arthur 's nobility and money gets them access to whatever they need . As a film , I find Horror of Dracula very engaging . While the 1931 version basically had Dr . Seward and Jonathan following Van Helsing around and either absorbing or arguing over everything he taught them , Arthur 's interactions with Van Helsing show steady character development . The Bride gets to be a more ambiguous character . We never really know for sure whether she wanted to bite Jonathan or if she struggled against Dracula for control over herself . Her dialogue implies that she might 've been like Mina once : an unwilling victim who can no longer leave the Count because of what she 's become . I wish the movie showed more about her backstory . It cuts a lot from the book and still doesn 't do Mina Harker justice . But the rest of the movie makes up for the changes . At least it successfully demonstrates the conflict of good vs . evil , a fantastic Van Helsing , a slightly stronger Mina , and a more complex Bride . I 'd happily watch it again . The movie immediately begins with a big change : Renfield goes to Castle Dracula as the Count 's solicitor , not Jonathan . ( In fact , the movie never specifies what Jonathan does for a living . ) According to the " Monster Tracks " included in the 75th Anniversary DVD , this change was made because the first screenwriter … well : As a result , Jonathan doesn 't get to do much in the movie except complain to Van Helsing and worry about Mina . He plays the role of the stoic who refuses to believe Van Helsing 's warnings and almost ruins everything by planning to take Mina away from the doctor 's protection . In the climax , all he does is follow Van Helsing around and yell for Mina . Mina doesn 't get treated well either . She plays the helpless victim and that 's it . She gets to say some lines from the book , describing her dreams and a little bit of Dracula 's attack . But the movie never shows her helping with the investigation , or struggling to regain her composure and facing all of her problems with a brave smile , or coming up with the clever plan to use her psychic link with Dracula against him , etc . She 's just another damsel in distress . I find it interesting that Dr . Seward became Mina 's father in the movie , instead of the young man who courted her friend , Lucy , in the book . This seems to contribute even more to the change in her characterization into somebody more childlike and helpless . Now she relies on her father to protect her , not just her friends . Quincey and Arthur got completely cut from the movie , which is a bummer . Otherwise , the cast does a good job of playing their characters . Dwight Frye is perfect as Renfield . I cannot picture anyone else in the role and I just love the way he delivers his lines about Dracula promising to feed him more rats in exchange for letting him into the building . It 's so creepy : He 's great at moving back and forth between trying to please the people at the sanitarium in one moment and then flying into a rage in the next . Plus , I love his line when he overhears Van Helsing and Jonathan discussing ways to destroy Dracula : " Isn 't this a strange conversation for men who aren 't crazy ? " That 's exactly the kind of thing that book ! Renfield would say . The heroes constantly misunderstand or underestimate him , but the movie and the book show that he 's very clever . Edward Van Sloan does a decent job as Van Helsing . At least the screenwriter didn 't turn him into a villain out to get poor , misunderstood Dracula . I like the scenes where they confront each other , even though they come off a little weird since Dracula doesn 't put up much of a fight against this ordinary human . For example , after Van Helsing uses the mirror trick to reveal his true nature , the Count smacks the mirror away and then … he leaves . This movie started the trend of changing Lucy from a sweet , innocent girl to a mischievous flirt . It 's not a big deal here because she doesn 't appear very much . That in itself is a problem though . Unlike the book , her death happens so fast in the movie that I didn 't even realize that the doctors were performing an autopsy on her body when I first saw this movie . She becomes " the Bloofer Lady , " but she 's never shown getting staked . She just kind of drops out of the film . As for the Count himself , he 's good too . Bela Lugosi 's performance deserves to be famous . Out of all the actors who played the Count , I think he came closest to nailing both aspects of the character : eccentric gentleman and bloodthirsty monster . He acts a little too eccentric around Renfield , but ultimately , his performance works . I actually like the change made to have him interact with the heroes more throughout the story . In the book , he doesn 't show up much after the first four chapters . In the movie , he introduces himself to Dr . Seward as his neighbor and pretends to be friendly . I may not be a fan of romantic ! Dracula , but I do appreciate a Dracula who gets out and socializes with high society . It makes sense that he would want to do this and makes him feel more frightening because it shows him successfully blending in with the crowd while looking for victims . It also strengthens the connection that he has to the heroes . In fact , he indicates in the book that he wants to blend in when he asks Jonathan to stay longer and help him improve his pronunciation of English words . Unfortunately , we never get to see if he tried infiltrating British society in the book . There 's one other characterization change that I enjoyed : the addition of Martin and Briggs . I don 't think I would call them new characters , per se , because the book mentions various servants and workers helping the heroes . But they didn 't have any individual personalities . In the movie , Briggs is Mina 's nurse and she 's the one who makes sure that Mina follows Van Helsing 's instructions . She comes across as a no - nonsense type of person and I would 've loved to have seen more of her . Martin 's just funny . He 's supposed to keep an eye on Renfield and continuously comments on the weirdness of everything that 's happening at Dr . Seward 's house . Story - wise , the movie 's fine even if the scary moments didn 't age well . I understand that in 1931 , the people behind the movie couldn 't go all - out with graphic scenes . Still , it 's a shame that they didn 't have a director like Steven Spielberg at their disposal , who knew how to terrify everyone in the audience without showing the shark for the majority of Jaws . In Stoker 's novel , Dracula eventually decides to retreat to Transylvania and wait until Van Helsing 's team dies before attempting to invade London again . The team chases after him , because Dracula infected Mina with his blood , and if she dies before they can stake him , she will become a vampire too . They split up into three teams and chase him through Transylvania by coach , boat , and horseback . Just as Dracula 's coffin reaches the castle , they catch up and battle the group of men transporting it . And THEN , just as the sun begins to go down and Dracula 's about to leap out of his coffin and kill them all , Jonathan and Quincey get past everyone else and stake the bloodsucker ! In the 1931 movie , Dracula takes Mina to Carfax Abbey . Renfield tries to join him , not realizing that Van Helsing and Jonathan are following . Dracula sees them coming and angrily throws Renfield down a flight of stairs to his death . Then he takes Mina to the cellar and goes to sleep in his coffin . All Van Helsing has to do is break the door down and stake the vampires . Jonathan runs around calling for Mina and finds her . The End . The ending reminds me of how the heroes defeat Lucy , by ambushing her at her burial place and staking her . But there 's a reason why that scene takes place in the middle of the book and not the ending . It 's intense , but not as much as a horseback chase to Castle Dracula with the sunset a few seconds away . Speaking of which , how did this movie handle Stoker 's vampire lore ? There 's actually no indication that Dracula cannot go out into the sunlight because most of the movie 's scenes take place at night . Renfield tells him that the sun has come down and it 's safe to come out when they 're on the ship , so it 's implied . But Van Helsing only says that he 's strongest at night and he has to sleep during the day . The movie never states whether Dracula can control the weather - a skill from the book - but I think it 's implied through the storm that attacks the ship . According to Van Helsing , Dracula can 't stand the wolfsbane plant or the Crucifix . ( As a Catholic , I love how they use the crucifix to protect themselves from Dracula . ) He confirms that Dracula 's a vampire when he sees that the Count shows no reflection in a small mirror from Jonathan 's cigar box . In the book , Jonathan discovers this fact when Dracula appears over his shoulder while shaving , but he can 't see the Count 's reflection . I like how it was done in the movie with everyone there . It heightened the tension . The 1931 version of Dracula isn 't a perfect movie or perfect adaptation . But thanks to the performances of Bela Lugosi , Dwight Frye , and Edward Van Sloan , as well as the story showing that Dracula is a bad guy , it 's one of my favorite versions . I recommend watching it if you 're a fan of the book , even if you 're likely to find it frustrating sometimes .
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To cut the other story shorter , we have more guests than beds , as BossDad kept promising rooms left and right without bothering to tell the reception or me or someone who would actually make sure there 're beds available . I sleep on a sofa , my little cousin and his two dogs sleep on the floor in my room , Boss 's buddy got moved twice - at least he 's a good sport - and there 's a bunch of people who weren 't promised actual beds but floor space for their sleeping bags . The Chef was fired two weeks ago , a replacement is here since the 27th and I already told him in no uncertain terms that while I appreciate his insight and experience regarding various stuff , I don 't want to hear it now while I 'm dealing with the backlog of paperwork left by Exchef , unexpected guests , beer cooling thingy breaking down , lack of champagne and a host of things my brain mercifully deleted meantime . At least Replacement Guy got it very soon and tries not to bother me . Today afternoon , I was already sick in several ways so I went to the wine cellar to cry and cool down , which usually takes about five minutes . At which point BossDad arrived , bringing turkeys and rum and my mom wanted something of extreme urgence such as a pencil or breath mints . When I have a full - blown meltdown , the worst thing to do is to ask What happened to you , Did something happen , Why are you crying when everything is going fine ? etc . A while later , when I was trying to calm down by sorting out some papers , mom remarked : Been telling them all the time . I know I can handle crises and manage chaos . I just can 't stand too many people for too long , I can 't stand this place in the woods , I can 't stand winter here . . . I 'm an organizer , not a person who would smile at the goddamn clients . I actually hate clients ; I mean , they 're my source of income and I don 't hate every person each for some specific reason . It 's just people gone over my critical mass , sorry folks , you 're more than four - ish for longer than an afternoon . I 'm taking four different medications to make me sort of function . Just now , a pill of promethazine lodged in my soft palate and is releasing foul bitter taste in my mouth . This is making me sleep and I take it along with zolpidem , which makes me fall asleep . Plus 25 mg of clonazepam to make me a bit less of freakout on ( unstable ) feet . Yes , benzos , that addictive stuff . And , then , obviously , antidepressants . I reached 225 mg of venlafaxin per day and I 'm still a wreck . Food tastes mostly like cement , with the exception of booze which tastes like nail polish remover . I 'm scared and I feel guilty , sometimes I feel guilty for being scared and anxious about what 's reasonably little things . Reason , however , doesn 't enter my decisions on systematic basis . Kitty is lying next to me , she said Meow and farted . That 's the high fibre kibble . Life would be so much easier if people could be fed kibble . One of the reasons I hate food is that I run a restaurant . I have too much food on my mind or something . Or my body just gave up and opted for a suicide by starvation , the time will show . I wonder whether I did something wrong , apart from just loitering around and not making a feather toy for Tähti . And not trying to work harder , not liking my job - some people would like to be hotel managers so much while they 're wasting their life away as archivists and I 'm not grateful at all even though it has many perks , such as easy life , the only possibilities of entertainment being work , booze which tastes like nail polish remover or running towards the woods , screaming incoherently . Oh , I forgot two more , one can walk down the road . Or up the road . There 's nothing interesting within decent walking distance to disturb one 's piece peace of mind . Now , I 'm numb . Maybe it 's that combo of sedatives , maybe it 's just a state of mind , the other being overwhelming anxiety . I don 't particularly like Giftmas . I mean , I quite enjoy those ten minutes of sheer undiluted sentiment and pathos when digging through the ornaments acquired 30 years ago , food used to be okay so let 's give it a benefit of doubt even this year , gifts are of two sorts : those I procured myself and those that scare me shitless . Thus I 'm getting an antique garnet necklace and a pink silk scarf , which is fine if I 'm getting paid for them , and something oh - so - cool mother has been ranting about since November . I 'm scared that she spent a lot of money on something I 'm not going to like . I would love a good atlas of bryophytes ( that 's mostly mosses for those who don 't go after all things green ) . Or a chocolate egret . ( Why egret ? No idea . Bald eagle in chooclate would be okay , too . ) And nobody ever asks what I 'd really want . Which raises an important question : what would I want ? Just now , I 'd want to be alone , along with my kitty . That 's what I told the therapist . She shook her head and said that it 's somewhat childish . I 'm late with work , which is normal because I 'm not the best person for the job , if I put it mildly . Actually it seems that I 'm even more behind than usual . I 'm certain there 's a disaster in the making , if things seem to go moreless smoothly , there 's always something to happen . I guess it 's not necessary to list every little failure , nobody cares about sending the wrong papers to the wrong person and stuff like that . I can 't bring myself to be interested . Not that I was ever particularly enthused about working in a hotel but I had my little pleasures - organising stuff and the like and now I don 't care . It needs to be done , it gets done . Slower than usual and probably worse than the usual bad . On Sunday I felt bad from the very morning . I finished my course , passed the test ( killed only three people out of 40 or so ) and then had a meltdown in public , in front of a bunch of strangers . I sat on the staircase , crouched and crying for no apparent reason . . . yesterday , I had a meltdown because I was going back to work , to that bunch of assholes less competent individuals to a place in the middle of nowhere . I pulled myself together somehow but I became painfully aware that the job from hell is just what it is . No way I can be a manager . I can 't be managing people if I 'm so scared or inhibited to yell at them or to tell them what to do , preferring to cover up for their mistakes and do what they should be doing because it brings less discomfort than actually telling someone that they messed up . My major issue is apathy . Or , it 's not much of an issue because what the heck . Not that I would lie in bed and stare into the walls , I just go about my shit as diligently as possible but I just don 't get involved emotionally too much , often not at all . My major feeling is Go away and don 't disturb my circles . Five minutes after a minor bout of anger , I 'm back to the general Meh , life . I guess it 's a coping mechanism . I just detest my work 99 % of the time ( the 1 % is peaceful paper shuffling ) , I have hardly any time outside work and sleep and the brain takes it as it comes and as it goes . Floods in Bangladesh ? Can 't do anything about it , meh , next . My hair caught fire ? Damn nuisance , hand me that bottle of water , let 's open the window so that the place doesn 't stink like burnt protein , meh , next . There is some sort of meditative quality about this feeling that nothing really matters . I asked the chef : Hey , would you be able to roast a whole pig ? He said : Yeah , sure , whatever , I 'll manage somehow , I could get a pre - cooked pig from The Meatworks , it would be easier to deal with . And , party , you say , that will rock , can 't wait for all the cooking , hooray . I phoned my sales representative in Metro . I think he likes me , most of his customers need lots of boring things like flour and milk all the time while we the fancy hotel ask for exciting shit . He only gasped shortly when I ordered a pig and then promised to ask around whether we could get a pig on Tuesday . I went back to my paperwork and my tired mind conjured a scene , in which the delivery driver unloads a crate of coffee , some beer , a few boxes of cookies and then hands me a piece of rope to whose other end a boar is tied , saying This is Louie and Lousie saying " Oink " . I called again and said Please , I need the pig dead . Now , the Metro guy gasped longer , then laughed for a while and when he caught his breath , he asked Oh my god , what happened . Long time ago , he came to understand that things sometimes get pretty odd here , that I have damn good reasons to think three corners ahead . Eh . . . well . . . , for example . I was promised that the pig will be totally dead and gutted . - You asked me to get you a pig . You didn 't provide any specs regarding its state so I made sure it 's dead , right ? I snarked . - Dear , I groaned . The smoked pig you refer to , I happened to see it . It was a piglet - shaped ham . You know , because I explicitly warned you several times , that I 'm no expert when it comes to meat . I can 't prepare it , I don 't know even theoretically how one deals with it , I don 't even eat it that much and if so , then preferably thinly sliced . You wanted a pig , you have a pig , deal with it . ( See , I 'm being assertive at this point . ) It actually started on Friday . Dad didn 't really want to throw a birthday party but various relatives urged him so long that he caved . Mom decided to invite the smarter and nicer folks a day earlier for a bit of friendly chitchat , which did happen indeed . I was in a shitty mood because I 'm simply not a party person , the evening dragged on , I was tired so I went to bed , stared at the internet . . . When I decided that it 's time for Ambien and some sleep , the receptionist called that the other receptionist is sick or something , that the ambulance are loading her in the car . Alright , I said , I 'll be there in a second . The other phone rung , mom started screaming that the idjit called ambulance saying she got mushroom poisoning and where are the mushrooms from etc . I know my shit so I said Frozen Mushroom mix , delivered by Whatever Ltd . , one kilo packages , yellow bag with pics of mushrooms , acquired around a week ago , kept in the freezer , thankyouverymuch , I 'll be there in a sec . Before I found my jeans and further brain functions , problem was solved , the ambulance drove away and mom said that when the docs heard that it wasn 't some stuff picked at the back door but storebought produce , they wanted to drop the gal off ; mom however told them to take her away . The idiot sneaked outside through the lobby full of people , didn 't say a word and if it weren 't for a waitress walking her dog , I 'd ask about her when she wouldn 't have shown up for work . Because , you know , telling someone is a tough job . On Monday , the maintenance alerted me that the room the receptionist was using was locked from inside . As she supposed to be in hospital , it was suspected that her boyfriend sneaked in . She had already brought him to the house , he got kicked out , she whined that it 's not fair , they want to be together etc , I said No damn way . . . and there we went again . I banged the door a few times with no response , decided to let the intruder have ten diplomatic minutes for getting out of there in a discreet manner , lather , rinse , repeat . . . and then I called the cops . I also phoned the receptionist , asked her , Do you have your keys with you , to which she replied a resolute Yes ! and when I remarked that incidentally , someone is locked in her room from the inside , she started muttering that she 'll fix it or some such . The officers did their door banging and the guy finally deigned to open the door . I asked him to go away now , to which he replied that oh why , he just dropped by to pick his girlfriends ' things and it 's so mean to call the cops and what 's wrong with staying there overnight . The police told him to grab his things and get lost and told me that they had seen much better acting jobs . Later on , the receptionist came to pick her stuff , with boyfriend in tow , and they wanted to ' discuss a few things ' . It took around half an hour , during which I was accused of being Meany Meanersson because there 's no damage or loss incured when the guy stays here , and , well , the insurance wouldn 't cover any damages or injuries he might have caused or suffered but nothing happened so it 's all okay , there 's nothing wrong in borrowing workplace keys to one 's buddies when it 's meant well , and , most important of all , they both want work and lodging or they 'll go elsewhere , and why not lodge them when there 's a plenty of rooms and that I betrayed their trust by calling the cops on the poor Mr . Entitled . My serfs obviously had Christmas in October , heard me yelling twice in one day and that 's good , they think I 'm soft and malleable and it 's good to have them a bit scared that the next dose of shrapnel may hit them . The card for Kungliga Biblioteket in Stockholm . Not that I needed it but it 's a pretty card and it may come handy in case I went to Stockholm again and it rained or something . It was in the box with old bills , tickets and various other pieces of paper I 'm keeping for some reason . A box of yarn that included seven skeins of some Grignasco merino dyed in shades of blue . The Grignasco company went under , I hear , and I 've been missing said yarn for more than a year . Not that I needed it although I did have a vague plan for it - I don 't recall what plan , though . And a skein of mostly cashmere sock yarn ( there are three more somewhere out there ) . A sample of Lapidus ' Envol perfume . The internet lore says that it 's the same thing as Lancome 's Envol but it is not , not at all . I have both now so I can debunk that one . Someday , not promising anything . My parents hardly say anything about my work beyond Do not think that other jobs are just okay all the time or Work harder . I 'm not actually complaining too much in general ( 1 ) and even less to them . Yet , the other day , mom forwarded me a notice that Technical University of Civilized Town that there 's an opening for a part - time teaching gig at the Faculty of Art and Architecture and prompted me to apply and not to tell dad . A friend arrived to the hotel for two days . We landed at the bar , being served by one of the worse gossips , talked intellectual shit ranging from differences between Finnish and Estonian , Latin poetry and various geekeries . The waitress probably regretted not having elephant ears - I know she spreads gossip about me , or , well , downright lies , and now she 'd have a lot of fodder if she only understood the difficult words or , well , the general point , such as when I was explaining the word ' vittu ' and its derivatives and their use as curses in Finnish . Or Florentine epigrams ( those guys at least spread the gossip in written and in verse , pasted to the public well ) . Or . . . whatever . Just the normal talk . The next day , the task was to get to the post office to mail the papers . Jean - Pierre graciously helped me to write the CV , or , to be exact , wrote it after he asked me about what I had done and such . My self - confidence keeps saying things like Oh , it 's no biggie , it was just a grant from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs , anyone can get that . I basically felt as if I were polishing a piece of shit but J . - P . is an experienced academic nomad so I left it up to him . Actually , I do hold hopes . An opening is not advertised a month before the start of the academic year , which means that someone died or got pregnant with triplets without informing the department in reasonable advance and they need someone , anyone , with a certain degree of literacy , who would take said job NAO . Or , with about the same likelihood , the spot is kept for a friend of a friend and it was announced publicly because it 's required by the law and I won 't get a decent answer even . I needed the terrace cleaned . The good old things like hot vinegar , some chemical shit to remove calcareous deposits and copious amounts of scrubbing didn 't help much so I got a bottle of industrial strenght something . It had all sorts of warnings ( corrosive , will tear your heart and drink your blood , use respirator and hazmat suit etc . ) and when poured on the crap , it reacted , producing a lot of foam and something relatively easy to scrub off . It kept dissolving sponges and brushes , too . While smelling of bitter almonds . I don 't really know why , for goodness ' sake , on perfumes , you get all the linalools and citronellals , which may be and often are constituents of natural oils , and on various household and chemical plant products say Less than five percent of non - ionogenic tenzides ; acid . I want to know what caused the bitter almond smell , was it hydrocyanic acid or some smell - alike ? I couldn 't have enough of that smell , it was beautiful , weren 't it for another acid smell , good old vinegar , or , to be exact , concentrated acetic acid , which came along . They could keep the acetic acid for themselves but I 'd love to have a bottle of bitter almonds . Terrace cleaned , new gunk may build up . Yesterday I did some cleaning . Or , to be exact , minor cleaning whose main part was to pick wine bottles and food gone bad to take it to the trash . I can 't say I actually suffer from anorexia as I don 't suffer . I just don 't feel like eating most of the time and mommy keeps sending me food . It 's a season of strawberries , green peas and such stuff which doesn 't last as long as pretzels do ; I do my best to eat it all up but it just doesn 't work . I have barely any appetite . In my old life , I 'd - oh shit , I called this awful episode of depression and work which I still fail to like ' new life ' ? - I 'd be glad that I 'm losing weight . These days , I don 't really care unless the clothes get uncomfortable . I can 't even bring myself to be happy that one day , I 'll feel fine in general and about my weight loss . Well , my apartment is cold and wet . I went through my newest herbary acquisitions and most of them , basically all the thicker plants , dried too slowly , with chlorophyll decomposing , and turned brown . Even the green ones weren 't properly dried and got more or less crinkled when exposed to air slightly less wet than the newspaper . I 'm slightly pissed which is good , any emotion than sheer despair and let - me - die - now is good , and I 've always prided myself for the aesthetic values of my herbary . The office is much warmer and drier , I 'll press my plants here . See ? The stereotype management works . Yesterday I had a shower , even washed my hair , ate four tortillas with something , herbarized for a while . . . well , not really , I 'm still short on clean clothes , reasonable food intake and keeping sane . Nope , I 'm not suicidal , I totally don 't plan to kill myself . Either I have too much of an ego or too much of a responsibility but I would feel compelled to clean up my table and files and that 's a major task ( see Augeas ' stables to get a better idea ) . I 'm just tired by all the things . I 'm trying , though . I read somewhere reasonable that keeping the stereotypes helps to maintain normality , illusion of thereof , or makes going back to usual easier , or , simply , that it 's good for you . Funnily enough , I 've been managing most of work just about okay without falling to the ground staying fallen . The rest . . . not so much . ( 7 ) Herbary work - I have a heap of pressed plants and a heap of erratic notes . My memory tends to fail when I 'm depressed . The more I 'm delaying it , the worse it will get . I 'm down with depression again . Next week I 'm going to a book fair so I 'll drop at the shrink 's - haven 't been there since around September because then I wanted to go on a day of sudden snow when traffic was stuck and after that , I got stuck at the damn hotel which ate all my nerves while I was running out of antidepressants . Last winter I needed stronger shit so now it 's probably time for change of meds . Accidentally , Hyperbole and a Half published a piece on depression today . It seems that everyone has already read it but I 'm linking it anyway . It sent me thinking , what was my shrivelled corn of inexplicable laughter . . . and I couldn 't remember any such turning point . Well , maybe after my first bout of depression , which ended quite spectacularly ( no fireworks or some such , just a nervous breakdown , suicide attempt and the general quiet and discreet spectacle of depression ) , I came to a conclusion that it 's all in my hands , that I can kill myself any time I want , I don 't have to live if I don 't want to . Life framed not as compulsory but as an option became less overwhelming . No corn , no instant enlightment . I can related to the crumpled hoodie , though . It 's all the same again . The last time , I fucked up my Ph . D . due to depression and resulting inability to communicate effectively . These days , I could only fuck up my job , which I probably hate , can 't really decide as it 's too hard a work . After less than comfortable night , I got up early , packed my stuff as neatly as possible and hung around , feeling grumpy for no reason ( some theorists say that one can always find a reason to feel grumpy but I 'm of a pessimist disposition so I do not need to go reason hunting , for me , life sucks all the time unless specified otherwise ) . Then I learned that several people were robbed . I sometimes feel like the last just and reasonable person and having had a few unlucky experiences in my life , I insisted that the afflicted individuals go to the police . Nobody listened . El Mínimo Líder decided that we 're a botanical expedition , we go plant - hunting , we have no time to lose with minutiae , generously ignoring popular whine . At the end , he decided that we 'll talk to the campsite manager , let 's wait when she comes to work . I mildly protested , saying that even if the campsite wanted to deal with it for one reason or another , which is unlikely , they need to have a police protocol for reasons of insurance or whatever else and that it would be advisable , regarding the time constriction , to go to the police straight away . We hung around for a while , the manager came , said Go to the gendarmerie and that was it . I offered myself to go along , having dealt with a few less than user - friendly institutions ( I briefly remembered how I yelled at an officer who told me that I had been my stupidity to get robbed that while stupidity is what it is , it 's not a criminal offence and none of his business , while theft is , so could he please proceed and do his job NOW , thankyouverymuch ) . I had also rediscovered my ability to speak French , not good French but workable one . At the gendarmerie , we got some photocopied forms to be filled in , or , to be exact , " you can fill this in outside or elsewhere , you don 't need to be here , full stop " , with a photocopied stamp . Nobody at the station spoke decent English or any other language than French so it was somewhat difficult . After three rounds of explaining that for purposes of insurance and stuff , we need an original stamp , we were repeatedly told that On le fait comme - ça en France . I and Minister went to ask to the Police Nationale whether this is indeed how things are done in France . Minister called his friends in politics and diplomacy , El Mínimo Líder called the embassy with the same question and indeed , things were confirmed to be done this way in France . Meantime , we filled in our papers and went back to the Gendarmerie to see what happens . The gal , erm , officer , signed them and that was it . I 'll ask the afflicted persons how it went with their insurance companies and authorities , as some IDs were stolen , too . It seems that there 's a lot of petty crime going on and that nobody cares . I 'd imagine that this is how things work in , say , Romania . I never dealt with Romanian police and I fully intend not to but one hears stories . One also hears stories that France is actually civilized . Oh well . Posted by It rains and rains , which plainly sucks . We got kicked out in Arles , too rainy for plants , good enough for sightseeing . I saw St . Trophime , tried to recollect whatever knowledge remained from the most excellent lectures on French Romanesque ( which didn 't work ) , got a postcard , learned that stamp is timbre in French ( live and learn ) and got lost . I yet need to see the map of Arles but I strongly suspect some urbanistic catch compared to Florence - Roman street plan with some unexpected alteration . Or , worse , my otherwise excellent sense of space is going the way of dodo . The plan was changed , instead of going somewhere to Pyrennees - Orientales and then to Cape Creus , these two were switched as it should be beyond the mountains and warmer down south , which it was . Meantime , we stopped somewhere off Perpignan at a gas station for peeing , coffee and whatever . Someone checked the curb , found orchids and El Minimo Lider decided to take one hour of a break ( we had one and half for Arles , by the way ) to check plants . I got out , found some Allium roseum and a storm came . Within 20 seconds , I was drenched and my mood got down to absolute zero . Everything gets worse with wet feet . We got to the general area of Figueres . Been there some 20 years ago and since then , street signs and stuff changed to Catalan . I just need to learn this language , pity I didn 't start back at the university , there was a handful of courses going on in our building . Or , maybe it would have sucked . I had actually downloaded a textbook back in January but had no time to study since . Next time . After a long and dreary winter , the cold white crap dissolved even up in the mountains . I was somewhat annoyed watching the brown plant matter emerging from under heaps upon heaps of snow , knowing that down back home where my first work and mommy dearest reside , there 're crocuses and stuff in full bloom and I 'm missing all that and when I 'll get back up there , I 'll miss the very start of spring as well . Now I should pull up a pic from my botanizing trip from , say , October , but it 's stacked on a portable drive somewhere out there . No , I didn 't have time to sort out pictures or herbary entries or just about anything . Life got out of reins , that 's it . My dad had some long - standing health issues of somewhat unidentifiable nature which the honorable members of medical profession waved away as You 're getting old , my good man , live with it , or It 's idiopathic pain , we can 't do anything . Or , the worst , You 're just fine , it 's all in your head . When dad got to a stage when he was barely able to walk , someone got the idea that leg pains might have their source not in the ankles but somewhere upwards , ordered a sCT of the whole spine and there it was , some bone growth that pressed on the nerves and wrought havoc in everything . The solution was a surgery ASAP , hopefully the guy doesn 't get paralyzed meantime . The whole process of finding out took half a year and one of the consequences was that I got a bunch of keys thrown at me with an instruction of Run the business . The rest is hinted here . I 'm not good with people . I 'm introverted and insecure , with my negativist tendencies thrown in . I 've worked in very intellectual environment . . . and I ended up trying to manage a bunch of people ranging from ' somewhat normal , working hard ' to individuals dumber than a box of rocks , museum - worthy specimens of laziness and thieving scum . Admittedly , thieving scum might not be sheer thieving scum but chaotic idiots with a bit of theft and scummery thrown in but I don 't want to know . I had to step away from the idealist view that all people , if they try at least a bit , can behave in a reasonable way , that they have manners , common sense and a vague idea of what they are doing . Wrong on all counts . I still need to learn that saying Could you kindly do this ? doesn 't yield anything , that I have to say or sometimes yell Go and do it now ! and repeat it a few times . The worst thing . . . the guests . I know I know , a hotel can 't work well without guests but I only have a certain limit of tolerance for people . Make it too long , too many , too willing to interact - and my brain changes into cortisol - laden jelly . At least the Food and Beverages Manager , generally known as Chef , is happily messing around and chattering . Most importantly , on Saturday , I 'm going for a holiday . Two weeks of botanizing , folks . I 'm terribly unprepared , under normal conditions , I 'd already learned some Catalan just for the heck of it and made extensive notes on places and things to see . So far , I 've noted down to take my copy of Polunin and Smythies and asked a friend to lend me a tent which I need to pick yet . I hope I 'll gather up some energy to start blogging somewhat more intensively than as of late . ( I was told that my writing style resembles that of Helen Fielding of Bridget Jones ' Diaries fame ; this certainly creates a sort of obligation . ) There 're plants , knitting , possibly some gratuitous cat pics , I kept a bottle of Guerlain 's Dawamesk on my table for months before I moved it back to safe storage . I also should take a few shots , I somewhat got pissed with my hair colour and I 've already booked an appointment at my hairdresser to do something about it . Which will be funny as I 've worn the same bleached hair for some 15 years and adapted my wardrobe to it . Well , things to do , places to go , stuff to blog about . I 'll try to be back earlier than in six weeks . Well , I 'm doing one shift at the reception , some waitressing and the whole management thing . It would be exciting for a day or two but I 'm in my third week and I 'm drained . I 'm not a people person and all that small talk , be it in person or over the phone , with total strangers and many of them in the asshole spectrum just eats my mental powers away , causing a permanent headache . Row 2 : hold two strands of colour B together , the shades should differ . Purl one in shade 1 ; twist yarns by 180 ° , purl one in shade 2 , repeat until the end of row . Twisting the two yarns helps a bit but this is a pain in the arse anyway . Row 3 : purl 3 in colour A , purl 3 in colour B . If stitch count is not divisible by 6 , improvise . Row 4 : knit 3 in colour A , purl 3 in colour B to make columns . Should anyone notice that the blue yarn on the left is apparently handdyed and the breaks between balls are visible - you 're right . The darker yarn is indeed darker . Oddly enough , both were the same colour as per ball bands . I thought 9 balls would be enough but they 're only 70 - ish metres and 25 grams and I wanted a larger wrap . The yarn , OnLine Linie 150 , is discontinued so when the dark blue stuff arrived , I was somewhat angry but I decided to make do . I have five balls in grey which will be dyed someday soon . Today I made a pic of my progress and only then I noticed that since the 2nd stripe , I forgot about the edging ( simple stuff , p2 k1 p2 edge , purl on the reverse ) and being as anal as I am , I 'm correcting it . The edge is rolling towards the back which is why I didn 't see the problem immediately but only after 150 or 200 rows . Posted by My shrink kept prescribing anxiolytics , just in case , and sleeping pills , just in case . I guess that my internal system is set to a day which lasts 24 hours and five minutes because after some time , I have problem falling asleep and a bit of zolpidem not only knocks me off but causes silly dreams ( which I probably don 't dare to publish . On the other hand , half of my traffic goes from a discussion server where they 've already been mentioned . Maybe one day ) . The job is stressful , the bunch of idiots filthy underlings employees try how far my nerves will stretch , or maybe they 're just dumber than a box of rock , who knows , who cares . I bought another plant book , I knit and I keep nomming chemicals . I suspect that it 's rather the placebo effect than anything else as I hear that good old benzodiazepins work the best but they 're somewhat addictive . Well , I think that an addiction is just a mild discomfort compared to the feeling that blood and brain matter is gushing out of my ears after having to listen to some idiotic whine over and over . My cousin 's girlfriend is one . I guessed , based on her appearance , that she has that sort of very showy taste but one day , I asked her for some superficial study of my place . I told her that I like natural wood , white walls , I would like to preserve all of my current furniture , that I need more bookshelves , bigger table and some sort of cupboard for my perfume collection . I got one wall in quite acerbic green ( something like acid green but not so much ) , one wall in deep purple , very extensive shelving of thin plyboard in dark brown and purple , something in the size of dressing table . . . One room was divided by a partition " to break the space , it 's uncomfortably big " , and the partition had mirrors on one side " to make the space look larger " . My ( as owned by me , not made by me ) artworks didn 't match the colour scheme so they were replaced by some Ikea art . There was some wallpaper in quite acerbic green , too , with some vaguely floral motifs because " I like flowers " . I remarked that the shelves are brown and I detest brown as previously stated , and that they 're too small and too thin for any actual use . " It 's just a sketch " , the designer said , " the shelves will be custom made for the books . " " Arglebargle ? I think I entirely miss your point . " The designer missed the snerk and the point entirely . " Oh , blonde wood is so out . You don 't need to throw the shelves away , you can move them to the basement and use them to store marmalades . " Obviously , I coughed up around 2000 euros for great furniture which I love only to move it somewhere to store crap . And I 'll sort books by size and colour because they 're just decorative bricks . Yeah , sure , whatever . For some reasons which are not exactly important , the Boss invited an interior designer , allegedly specialized in restaurants and places of this sort , to the hotel . Because she did stuff for Boss ' buddy who runs a restaurant . Been to the restaurant and I must say that parquet ceiling and dark blue walls coupled with very small windows and chairs made of wood that looks like plastic didn 't really impress me . WTF . Also , I got me a real architect , with 6 years of college , not just some weekend course plus diligent study of Elle Maison , with a real diploma and some brains . When she saw the panelling and stone , she was delighted and ran to check everything about the 1970 's interior . Normal people exist somewhere out there . And it was tough . The baseline was low . Very low . The hotel as a whole wasn 't earning much and it was because the kitchen was deep in red numbers . Not that I 'd wondered why after I was poisoned by salmon here back in summer , so the brand new software for tracking everything was acquired . . . One cook went on a sick leave to show who 's the boss . She was heard saying that she 's not going to follow some fucking recipes , she 's cooking foods that taste well ( okay , the salmon made me sit on the bathroom floor , waiting whether there 'll be projectile vomiting or not but it was not that bad taste - wise ) and she wanted to show the management that she 's indispensable . The manager was messing around during the New Year period and in January , she decided she needs a break . In the peak season , obviously . The Boss said Okay , but in January , not February when we 're packed up to the roof . It 's January 6 or 7 . I went to toss something to the compost heap and noticed my croci ( or crocuses , if you want ) sprouting . The same thing happened last year . Warm winter , no snow , croci , hyacinths and what else sprouting . . . and then the temperatures fell to around - 15 and killed my plants . The bulbs recovered but my Madeiran Selaginella which happily lived through a bit of snow and frost died despite mulch and a heap of spruce branches . Warm and snowless winters suck in the business but personally , I could live with spring starting tomorrow . I will not hurry to claim that I 've recovered from my winter depressions but this year , I 'm okay . Or , to be exact , not going through the depressive downs . I 'm not happy and I have a constant itch to make the things turn green and run outside among them . Damn . . . I haven 't dealt with the herbary backlog from the previous season yet . And I forgot to sow some stuff that needs to be exposed to cold . Gardening is a winter job , too . Posted by
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Yesterday was the due date for applications to a prestigious postdoctoral program in my field . I spent two solid weeks working on that application , so it was an inexpressible relief to finally turn it in . Understandably , I 'm a bit burned out on the job search right now . I 'd love to forget about postdoc applications and go back to research , or in my current mood , just watch TV for three days straight . About a month ago , my advisor and I worked out a list of 15 positions I 'm going to apply for . Yes , fifteen . It has always seemed like too many to me , but my advisor insists it 's a great opportunity to force people to read my work and build citations . Initially I agreed with him , and faithfully promised to turn them all in . But now I 'm totally exhausted , and I desperately want to cut down my to - do list of job applications . There are some jobs on my list that I really just don 't want . One , in particular , is in a city - - I 'll call it Plainville - - where I had the misfortune to live for a summer , and I do not care to repeat the experience . The weather in Plainville is completely objectionable ; I had asthma almost the entire time I was there ; and it 's so sprawling that one can 't get anywhere except by car . ( Of course , given the rotten weather , it 's no surprise that the inhabitants prefer to drive . ) I don 't think the job in Plainville is critical to my career . There are other options , in places with equally good or even better research groups in my field . If my job prospects are bad enough that I get turned down for all my other 14 potential jobs , it 's not very likely that Plainville will want to have me either . So I asked my advisor about cutting this Plainville job from my application list . I don 't want to work there , so why waste my time and my letter writers ' time ? But my advisor was adamant , again , that I go through with it . He sees job applications as a strategic move to build my career , not as just a way to get a job . I trust my advisor 's judgment on most things , and I 'm sure he 's right that I need to take every opportunity tPosted by I 've been silent for quite some time . To my readers , if I have any ( highly unlikely at this point ) , I apologize . Work got crazy , traveling got crazy , and I neglected the blog . I 'm back and ready to get going again , though . Frustration of the week : cat care ! When I was away on my recent research trip , my cat had a meltdown . This was brought about by my cat - sitter , who completely blew off the job and didn 't show up at the house . The cat was locked inside for almost three days , until I got worried ( because I couldn 't get ahold of the cat sitter - - I kept calling my home phone and her cell and there was no answer ) . I asked my landlord to check on the cat , and sure enough , she was out of food and nearly out of water . As soon as my landlord opened the door , the cat shot straight out of the house and onto the neighbor 's roof . She doesn 't like being locked inside , and she must have made up her mind not to return to the house until I came home . So my landlord put the food and water outside ( I 'm very grateful for his help ) . I managed to arrange another cat sitter , but at no point was he able to convince the cat to come in the house . This was a problem , because I usually bring her inside at night - - I don 't want her tangling with the raccoons . I found out all this business about the cat refusing to come inside only a few days before I came home . My replacement cat sitter didn 't bother to let me know what was going on ( you 'd think , since I was paying him $ 200 , that he could have at least let me know what was going on ! ) . He thought everything was fine , and there was no problem , because it looked like the cat was eating . But when I finally got home , she had lost a lot of weight ! I believe the cat sitter actually did put out food for her , but the raccoons probably ate most of it . I have several more trips planned within the next six months , and I 'd like to prevent another cat meltdown . Step one is to get a reliable cat sitter . Step two : deal with cat anxiety . She 's incredibly suspicious of my travel now , and the sight of the suitcase pPosted by Two students emailed me today telling me that they tried to come to my office hours , but another professor 's name was on the door and there was no one in the office . After double - checking that I had put the correct office number and building on my syllabus , and the correct times for office hours , I knew they had both gone to the wrong office . My building has a corridor connecting to another one on campus , so I figure the students must have gone to the office number I gave them , but in the adjacent building . I felt a little bit bad about the mix - up , and I almost apologized to the students in my replies to their emails . Almost . Then a second guilty thought : I figured if multiple people got lost and missed office hours , I should hold make - up office hours tomorrow morning . Student X , who had to work during today 's office hours , already scheduled an appointment for tomorrow . I could open up the extra help session I 'm giving Student X to other students as well . Then I stopped myself . No apologies . Did my students who got lost on campus ask directions to my building ? Clearly not . Did they consult a campus map before trying to find my office ? Clearly not . Did they call my office phone number ( printed on the syllabus ) to ask for help finding the office ? They did not . It 's too bad they got lost , but it 's not my fault and I shouldn 't apologize for it . And the idea of opening up Student X 's time to the directionally challenged ? Bad . It 's not fair to her . She was responsible enough to schedule an appointment with me when she knew she would miss office hours , and she doesn 't deserve to have other students monopolize her extra help session . I 'll bet she shows up in the right place at the right time tomorrow . I 'm not unreasonable . The lost boys are free to email me and ask for help outside of office hours - - as is clearly explained on my syllabus , and as I said in the first lecture . But so far , I 've only received mildly accusatory emails - - " we went to your office hours , and you weren 't there . " To which I replied , with no apologies , " you Posted by Here 's an essay I originally wrote for the IBTP forum , in response to a question about how radical feminism has failed or succeeded . The IBTP thread can be found here . Writing this helped me clarify my thoughts about where I stand on the feminist spectrum , but I 'm still not totally sure . I 'm probably not quite a radical . I don 't advocate complete revolution and building society up from the ground ( I would have no idea how to proceed with such a monumental task ) , but I do think there are serious , deep - rooted ways in which our culture is sick , especially in its attitudes to women . You can also see from this essay that I ascribe our cultural problems not to the " failure of feminism , " ala Time Magazine and its obnoxious " Feminism is Dead " headlines , but to the failure of our leadership and society at large to listen and respond to feminist concerns . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I don 't like to think of feminism itself as having failed , because then the blame falls on feminists . My conception is of a society that has failed to keep up with feminism ; to respond to women 's just demands . Betty Friedan and other second - wave leaders were unhappy with radical feminism . They thought the radicals were moving away from the real work of feminism ; they were taking on porn and sexual violence with " Take Back the Night , " when the battles for equal pay , access to credit , and safe , legal abortion were far from won . ( Here I 'm paraphrasing " The Second Stage " as I remember it . ) Friedan and her compatriots thought women should unite against economic injustice and leave the messy world of bedroom politics alone . It 's certainly easier to talk to Congress about equal pay than domestic violence . I think I understand where these women were coming from . They wanted real policy change , and to a certain degree , they got it , but not enough . Had Richard Nixon and his minions not fought the feminists at every opportunity , had full economic equality for women been won , had the ERA passed , we would be living in a very different society . The patriarchy would stPosted by While July 4th is not technically a university holiday , I have decided to make it a personal holiday , in the sense of not showing up in the office . This is my spontaneous holiday , not planned or anticipated , but decided midmorning because I 'm exhausted , depressed , and feeling unproductive . The depression is mainly due to my best friend leaving the country for an entire year , starting today . She 's an anthropologist , and she has to go do fieldwork . I 've known this day would come ever since we met four years ago , at the start of grad school , but it still feels unreal . H knows me better than anyone on earth , and the thought of not seeing her every couple of weeks ( we have lived 90 miles apart up till now ) is wrenching . H hasn 't wanted me to make a big emotional production of this separation . Quite sensibly , she doesn 't want any extra stress or guilt laid on . When we said goodbye yesterday , there were no tears , just a promise to Skype often . We 're both counting on this being only a physical separation , not a spiritual one . I still feel yucky and hollow , though , and can 't seem to browbeat my brain into concentrating . Hence the spontaneous holiday . I 'm going to the beach with another good friend . I have to get out of the house , or I 'll just mope all day . - - - - - - - - - - - - - I decided to give Z , the boy of my last post , another chance . We seem to be getting along well , and he 's coming tonight to watch fireworks . I 'm not really in the mood to see him , though . Today I 'm in the mood for female companionship , or just my cat . With my female friends , I can wear my ugly glasses and big sweatshirt - - a hand - me - down from H - - if I feel like it . Plus , I don 't have to do anything fancy . A walk to the beach or a home video is sufficient . Men are often very labor - intensive , needing to be entertained , wanting women to keep the conversation going , and deciding we 're boring and / or antisocial if we 're not in a chatty mood . My ex was a prime example of this problem . X would work 16 - hour days , then come to parties too exhausted for social interaction . OftPosted by I have been seeing a man for about four weeks . We met at a speed dating event - - after waffling for a long time , I finally decided to " get out there " and meet new people . I was falling for this man , whom I shall call Z . He seemed a perfect match for me - - great listener , respectful , loves poetry , supportive of my work , dedicated to his own work . Then last night , Z drove the 40 minutes between our homes and showed up unannounced at my door . He was obviously anxious and upset about something . From his manner , I thought Z was about to break up with me . I was steeling myself to hear , " I 've had fun hanging out with you , but I 'm just not ready for a relationship . It 's not you , it 's me . " Etc , etc . But the truth was weirder . Z was having a conscience attack because he had lied about his age . When he signed up for speed dating , he listed his age on the registration form as 27 . He 's actually 34 . When I asked why he lied - - why ? ? It 's such a futile gesture , guaranteed to start any relationship off on the wrong foot - - Z said it was because he was embarrassed about still being in grad school at age 34 . He didn 't think any woman would be interested in a 34 - year - old grad student . He intimated that the reason this thought was infesting his brain was his ex - girlfriend - - his over 30 - student status was something she used to taunt him about . This prompted further discussion of the situation with his ex , and I won 't tell the whole story here , because it 's extremely long . Suffice to say , their relationship was and is completely toxic . The reason they still communicate is because when Z and the ex were together , he was a stay - at - home dad to her child from a previous relationship , and Z still wants to be involved in the child 's life . I already knew about the child - - Z told me about her on our second date - - and I made the decision that I still wanted to pursue the relationship . But now , another bombshell . I don 't have a problem dating a 34 - year - old ( I 'm 26 ) , but I don 't like being lied to . Now I just wonder if I can trust this man at all . How many morePosted by Here 's a post I started in June , but never finished . The job search has brought the issue of being " top - choice student " to the forefront of my mind again , so I decided to keep writing about it . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - My advisor has other students , and he has to do the right thing by them . This I know , and I don 't normally get jealous of the other students . But this summer I asked my advisor to contact the department at Prestigious U and ask if I could give a seminar . He begrudgingly , with argument , assented to my request , but with one small edit : instead of sending an email recommending Jane ( not my real name ) as a seminar speaker at Prestigious U , he recommend " my two students , Jane and John . " Cue resentment and annoyance on my part . I always used to worry that I was my advisor 's second - choice student ( or even third - choice student ) . When I started with my advisor , another man and I were working on similar projects for the same consortium . My advisor really pushed this male student to publish his paper , and spent a lot of time helping him with the draft . In the meantime , I was quietly writing my own manuscript with little help from anyone . Our department has a prize for the best third - year student . Male Student shared the win with our department chair 's female student , and my advisor 's other male student got honorable mention . For me , zip zero zilch . Fine - - certainly plain old jealousy and sour grapes are part of my resentment here - - but when there are six people in your class and three get awards , but not you , you can 't help but feel that the department is sending you a message : you are a second - tier student . To me , it was particularly frustrating that the only two male students in my class got honored , and they were both my advisor 's students . I really felt like Advisor 's third choice , and considered leaving the program . A grad student needs a strong advocate , and I didn 't think my advisor was advocating for me . My advisor and I healed the breach over the award business when I finally broke down and told him I was sick of noPosted by Today , it 's just me alone in my office . My office - mate is not in this afternoon . I have no meeting with my advisor scheduled . Even if my advisor and I had planned a meeting , he might just blow it off , which is what said advisor did with both of our meetings last week . No message , no note , nothing - - just a no - show , leaving me hanging with an unfinished paper draft and lots of questions . Sometimes this alone - ness can be a real drag . All the energy and enthusiasm I had this morning has drained for want of stimulation . I was pathetically grateful to nice Professor P . for exchanging a few words with me in the mailroom , when we were trying to un - jam the petulant printer . But as numbing is it is to hear only the sound of one 's keyboard , often interactions with one 's colleagues are a real bummer . So it was last week at morning coffee , when I had a magazine about women and science tucked under my arm . I didn 't intend this magazine for a discussion piece ; I just happened to go straight to coffee after checking my mail . One harmless male , trying to make conversation , asked what was in the magazine , so I gave the highlight - - a report of consistent bias against women at a prestigious university that 's an important employer in our field . Of course , this prompted a knobbish , irksome male student to expostulate that all discrimination against women was in the past , and now we 're just waiting for women to move up the pipeline and fill senior positions . So I tried to explain how the pipeline leaks , and proportionally more men than women advance at each career milestone . The discussion went downhill from there . I don 't know what possessed me to engage with Knob Boy at all . It was entirely predictable that I would just expend energy and get frustrated , while his mind would remain firmly unchanged . This whole story , though , is just to illustrate the catch - 22 that exists in my little slice of academia . Working completely alone is , well , lonely , but being around one 's colleagues is sometimes worse . What to do ? Go to Graduate Women 's Group evePosted by Two days ago , a young male professor gave a career planning seminar to the grad students in my department . He broke down the jobs available to new Ph . D . s by number and type - - prize postdoctoral fellowships , grant - based postdocs , and lectureships . Very useful , because we need to know as much as we can about the job market before the spray and pray of fall application season . Male Professor also gave us his opinion about how much each component of the job application - - letters , research statement , bibliography , seminar - - counts . Letters , he says , are the most important , followed by the job talk . The moral of the story : don 't be shy about promoting your work , because no one is going to invite you , a lowly grad student , to give a seminar . You and your advisor have to contact prospective employers and make a strong case that you belong on the seminar schedule . But then said professor couldn 't resist throwing in a well - aimed dig at the women students . " Women , " he said , " lack the confidence to showcase their work . They are too shy . This is something you guys ( sic ) will have to overcome . " Now , was that necessary ? Admittedly , Male Professor had a point : women are socialized to be diffident and modest . This socialization is at odds with the academic requirement of tooting your own horn loudly and often , and might contribute to women faring badly on the job market . But I was nevertheless offended by Male Professor 's discussion of women . Here 's why : 1 ) Can 't I even go one day without being reminded that I 'm a woman ? Do people think I forgot overnight ? 2 ) If female Ph . D . 's aren 't getting the best jobs , how much easier to blame it on the individual women for not trumpeting their greatness to all and sundry , than to acknowledge that sexism and patriarchy play a huge role in hiring decisions . 3 ) Whenever there 's an academic culture issue where women are perceived to behave differently than men , women are always the ones asked to change . Message : science is a man 's world , and men are the default scientists . I want to shout , " I 'm not a guePosted by I , srastro , am a woman working in the physical sciences . I 'm headed into my final year of grad school , so in 365 days , I 'll be Dr . Srastro . I have amassed enough work to get a decent postdoc , so my first - job prospects are good . Plus , I chose my own thesis project and am very interested in the results , whenever they may come . On paper , my career and life seem fine . So why do I not feel fine ? Here 's an excerpt from my handwritten journal that illuminates why I 'm burning out in the home stretch of my Ph . D . , and how I hope writing this blog may help me get through : - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Maybe I 'll start a blog . I have been reading I Blame The Patriarchy a lot , and I find it really inspiring . Could blogging , and getting comments , help me process some of my frustrations with the intense manifestation of patriarchy that is academia , especially science ? I have come to realize how truly , truly thankful I am for the safe spaces that exist for expressing feminist ideas . Thanks to Twisty Faster for being absolutely unbending in her criticism of patriarchy . In fact , I have spent a lot of my work time on IBTP this week . Why ? I searched and searched for the answer , and today I decided the obvious conclusion was the correct one . I spend my work time on IBTP because I 'm TIRED . Tired of work , of having it pointed out that I 'm a woman every other day , physically tired by an academic calendar that has , after months of languor , jumped by orders of magnitude . Easier on the tired old brain , and more fun , to read feminist persiflage than write supercomputer code . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - So here is the blog . I don 't expect it to solve all my problems , nor do I expect it to set the scientific and feminist communities on fire . But at least , when I take the foment of my thoughts out of my head and cast it into the internet void , I may find the relative peace that comes from identifying and articulating one 's thoughts and feelings .
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And there is a lot of falling snow right now . Madly swirling . I take note fleetingly on my walk home from the bus stop . Only fleetingly . At home , I have work to do , irons to put into fires . It 's fine and well to sing praises for a cloudy sky , but truly , it cannot be that all photos from this month are not too far from being almost completely black and white . What happened to the bright Midwestern sky ? The stunningly clear expanse of sky that casts long blue shadows on fresh snow ? Today , the clouds went off somewhere to the sidelines ( gathering momentum for the snows that are heading our way ) and the world became a place of color again . True , I had the usual work and Sunday cleaning to keep me housebound early in the day , but even at home , things looked a lot brighter . Helped by the tardy Christmas cactus that decided to explode in color just now . Like leaping swans , only in red . In the afternoon , I go down to the farmette to inspect the first stage of farmhouse improvement : the replacement of ten windows . I know you can 't tell from the outside , but oh my , what a difference a good window can make to a home ! ( We still have to stain the wood , but that 's a project for a warmer month . ) It is a good day to admire windows . Looking out at a blue sky from windows that are delightfully fresh and solid gives hope - as if all other issues that the house has ( and there are many ) can , too , be someday a thing of the past . Since the county park is a mere five minutes from the farmette , we take our skis for a quick spin by Lake Waubesa . It wont be long before this will be virtually in my back yard . Slowly , step by step , I am getting used to the idea . Posted by Late last night we went to get Ed a replacement shoe . [ For the ski shoe he lost , who knows in what fashion , back in December . ] And no , you get no discounts if you only need one shoe . The clerk hopes that when he next loses a shoe , it will not be from the same foot . There 's not much you can do with two shoes without a mate . Ed wasn 't totally ready to give up finding the old one . He had every intention of calling the Dane County parks to see if perhaps . . . What can I say , the man 's a dreamer . But it no longer matters because today , we woke up to a 32 degree day . Positively a heat wave . A perfect day for outdoor winter play . Could Ed say no to using his new shoe ? He could not . We drive out to Indian Lake . It is a test by fire : Ed hasn 't skied since the sprained ankle . He 's thinking of maybe doing an easy run to test his capabilities . But how can you go for the flat and boring when you can have the delightful hills around Indian Lake County Park ? Indian Lake County Park is probably my most beloved local place of refuge . This is where I took daughters when they were freshly out of diapers ( in my recollection of things ) . And this is where today I can enjoy a week - end day without an agenda . It 's time for a break . Too many hours glued to a schedule . Too many days that look like not much of anything . Late Friday afternoon , Ed and I set out to reconvene with nature . We pull up to this park that borders Lake Waubesa . It 's cloudy outside , and daylight is fading rather fast , but still , I 'm thrilled to be stepping out into layers of a white countryside . I 'm zipping up my shoes , Ed reaches for his own . No use . It can 't be found . Ed recalls his last ski outing . December . Many snowfalls ago . He looks around just in case . . . No , no second shoe lying about at the side of the road , waiting to be reclaimed . ( What a surprise . ) Ed goes back home to scout around there , I head out around the lake on my own . Toward the railway tracks , over the place where the Yahara streams into the lake . If you live in a city , a town for , say , ten years - is it then your home town ? What about twenty ? Thirty ? Surely thirty ? It was a no big deal day . At work - - teaching in the morning , teaching in the afternoon , meeting students - all that usual stuff until the sun sets . By five I am done and walking along State Street . A different kind of evening - one where I am to attend a political fund raiser followed by a dinner out . So I walk along State Street and I think - my , there are new stores here . How did I miss this one ? Ah winter ! I 'm never out in these parts when it turns cold outside . Give or take a couple of months and I 'll be rambling again . On my red bike . Up and down . And it strikes me that life will continue in this way : spring will come , I will take out my bike and not worry about bus schedules again . Yesterday will have merged with tomorrow . How satisfying ! I reach the political fundraiser and Ed joins me as well and between the two of us , there 's enough history in the room to make it a very interesting little place indeed . ( The political candidate who is running for office is a Madison fixture : he has been in and out of city politics for as many years as I can remember . ) Tonight , I hear someone say - I 've never enjoyed a social event as much as I have enjoyed coming to these rallies in support of ( our candidate ) . . . I can understand it . It 's like going to your college reunion in ten year increments , only without the hang - ups . No one cares how you look or how little you 've achieved in your waning years . I run into a lawyer friend who used to practice alongside me when I did abuse and neglect cases in Dane county court . I think - the shocking thing is that I remember him and he remembers me so well . Madison . It 's Madison 's fault , isn 't it ? Then Ed and I and a colleague / good friend go out to dinner . At the Costa Rican place around the corner . There isn 't really room for us even as the waitperson tries to squeeze us in , but to do so she must cut into the space of someone else . And so we compromise : we pull tables together to form one big whole , but we keep our separate discourse , and I think yet again - ah , Madison . . . you are so perfect . My farmers sent me the usual email reminder - this is the day to pick up my CSA spinach . Okay , I remembered anyway . And I was pleased that I had this forced detour because the window for pickups on campus is tiny : between 3 : 30 ( their delivery ) and 5 ( when the building closes ) . Meaning I will have to leave my office before dark and I will have an excuse to walk a little , rather than hopping on the bus and hurrying home . A walk . Good . But there is another reason to smile at the message . The farmer / author wrote that right now , the spinach is frost sweetened ( and wonderful ) . Think about it ! Something is made better , tastier , sweeter by horribly frosty weather . Too bad it 's just spinach . Too bad it 's not you and me . There is an up side to getting home when it 's good and dark . I know there is . I just haven 't found it . That 's the trouble with winter - it doesn 't give you any time to enjoy daylight . I walk in the dusky light that would be beautiful elsewhere , but not here , not on the way from my office to the bus stop . I approach University Avenue and I see the bus pulling toward the next stop . I chase it , even as I wonder - - why ? Is it that I want to get somewhere before it is completely dark ? The driver waits for me . I am ridiculously grateful . So the day is long . Not unpleasant . Merely long . I have resolved to eat more at midday , so that I can keep up the energy ( my classes do not finish until 5 : 30 ) . Peanut butter and bread . I haven 't pulled out a jar of peanut butter since I moved to the States nearly forty years ago . Then , I grew to love that stuff so much that I couldn 't stop eating it . I became fat on peanut butter , mixed with honey . I had reason to lay off of it thereafter . I eat it five minutes before my final two hour class . And then I realize that the mouth feels gummy afterwards unless you have a good beverage . I have a good beverage - tea . Unfortunately , I spill the tea on the teacher 's desk before me . This is the first time that I pack a bag and head down to visit my younger one in her new Chicago home . Since I 'm thinking , guessing , hoping that such back and forths will be commonplace , I want to feel how " big deal " they are in terms of travel burdens . Visiting my girls on the East Coast was a big deal . Not only the time spent traveling , the cost of the whole gig and the feeling of distance that flying somewhere always produces , but the advanced planning that had to go into it - both theirs and mine . Taking a bus down to Chicago ( and then the El to her place ) is , in fact , easy . Oh , sure , there are the hours on the bus . Good reading time , you might say . . . . and then resume your normal activities - no special outings , no complicated adventures , merely time spent working , all of us , affirming that this ride down is good despite life 's encumbrances . A no big deal trip . So that the distance , too , feels like no great distance at all . A subway ride , then a bus , heading up now on the return , just a little to the north and to the west . That 's it . Posted by I suppose it is fitting that both my daughters and I have a work - filled week - end . Here we sit , in a city ( Chicago ) pulsating with entertaining possibilities and we can do none of them . All three of us are preoccupied with work demands . And that 's a good thing , because to get to the pulsating possibilities , you need to step outside . And there 's only so much of the " stepping outside " one can enjoy in typical January weather . ( . . . then eventually a bus ride back . ) They 're different , these city buses than , say the buses of Madison . Our buses , at least the ones going in and out of the isthmus , are packed with graduate students who tend to favor living away from campus . And occasionally we have the person whom you know is riding because there isn 't much else that can fill his ( sometimes her ) day . Chicago riders are more goal oriented . Pick up groceries , get on bus , get off bus . Take kid to doctor by bus . Ride over to Comcast to stand in line ( this was my first destination ) so that you can try to mend your a . ) TV service , b . ) Internet service ( my purpose for being her ) or c . ) to pay a bill for any of the above . [ One person in the long queue says - this is just like the DMV , except that it isn 't the DMV . I appreciate that comment . The DMV in Madison , too , has ridiculously long waits . ] And then - to the new Whole Foods . Where you can sit on a stool and sip a wine or a beer and watch a game . Or carry your drink and push a cart . I was tempted , but I had work to do and groceries to buy and a cake to bake back home . Initially , my thought was that I would engage winter more . Love that cold winter day ! That snow ! The light ! Ah . . . seasons . I live in a state with four fully defined seasons . ( Well , three actually ; sometimes spring forgets to show up . ) But in January , you have to tune it all out , I think . You wait at the bus stop and count the seconds as the wind makes your eyes water and then form little ice crystals around the edges . Walking over to the store seems so painful that you do without . A supper of soup with crusty bread becomes soup only . That state of tuning it all out , focusing on things in the day that don 't require a confrontation with the elements , makes you rather insular and closed off , too . Should I be social ? Wait until after January . Want to stroll down the hill for a midday espresso ? No thanks . In other news , I 'll be taking the bus to Chicago later today for a postponed celebration of the little one 's Wednesday birthday . I have twenty - six years of guilt for giving her a January birthday . What was I thinking ? ? ? Ah . . . whatever I was thinking , it was an April thought , long after January of that year had fizzled away . It 's an illusion of course . I know from my bus commutes that there are more rather than fewer riders . ( I try hard not to cough loudly and when I do , I look very apologetic . ) It 's just that , in between , people do not linger / stroll / walk outside unless they have to . . I hope my youngest girl is having a good birthday . She 's twenty six today and working a long day at her Chicago firm . Her closest people cannot be there with her . It 's a curse to have a birthday on Wednesday and to have everyone so far away . No one can ignore their own work to travel there and spend the late hours of the day with her . It 's cold in Chicago , as it is in Madison . I should know , I paced the bus stops and reminded myself that next time I need to study schedules carefully . There 's no reason to show up at a stop a minute after a good bus has passed and fifteen before the next one rolls along . I know my little one is warm . Her office has heat after all . Just as the hospital was warm for her when she finally decided to make an appearance so many winters ago - on a January 19th that was , that year , the coldest day since records have been kept . At the Law School I ran into a colleague who commented that I looked tired . I thought for a second and I admitted that I was that . I 'd gone to bed late and gotten up significantly before dawn to do work . And after a class , followed by office hours , I need a short spell to recover . I was in that spell . I don 't mind the cold - she said . I hate the wind . It would suit me just fine if no one ever again mentioned a wind chill . It freezes me just to think it . I hate the feel , and even the sound of the wind ! I thought - I could never hate a cold , wind chilled day so much . My girl was born when it dropped to a negative fifty degrees ( F ) , if you considered the wind . Her doctor came in especially to deliver her , even though it was his day off . Might as well - he told me . Can 't do much of anything else on a day like this . I hear he retired from practice , sold his home in Madison and moved to live on a boat on the Caribbean . I hope going out to deliver my girl wasn 't what pushed him to finally leave his practice . He was such a good doctor ! Today I received an email from Air France apologizing for the endless December inconvenience and promising some small compensation for it . What else can you ask for but that some one noticed your inconvenience and cared to say something about it . That 's all . But it 's still somehow jarring to come face to face with so much winter stuff all around you . Do I really live in a place so . . . frozen ? People riding to work , to school , they 're hidden behind so many layers of wool that you cannot tell if they 're smiling or bitterly disappointed with the day . Let me explain how this is not always so . When I am in Madison , I spend much of the day working . Like most anyone I know , I follow a standard route to work , I return the same way and often that 's about as adventurous as I get for the day . So often I tell myself - there 's always the lake . . . surely I will see it in some fresh way today . . . If the photo appears ordinary ( I know the good bends in the bike path that will always give me something , but if I take the bus , it 's a photographic wasteland ) , then I try to give more thought to the story for the day . Some days I stare at the screen late at night for a good hour and I tell myself that the next day I should think about posts earlier , when I am less tired . But the next day will be the same - no time until late , no thoughts until I am too tired to think well . And then there is blogging heaven - - when there is a chance to go far away . A travel story emerges and the story takes on elements of a " petit " ethnography of a distant place . A snapshot of people elsewhere doing nothing especially grand , but being so exceptionally interesting anyway , because their path to work is so different than mine . But here 's the exception : Paris . Paris is hard . Far more difficult than the bike path to work in Madison , and immeasurably more troubling than Portugal or Poland . For one thing , these days I don 't spend much time there . I take the train in from the airport ( and it is a dismal train ride , through Paris ' saddest neighborhoods ) and most often , by the time I am in the heart of the city , the light has almost entirely disappeared . And I have so few waking hours left ! And there 's an agenda ! A dinner to eat , a walk to take , a wine shop to visit . The camera is there , but I am in a hurry and it 's getting dark and I stay in the same neighborhood time and again - and the expectations are so much higher ! I forgive myself if I take a bad photo on a busy day in Madison . But Paris ! The place begging for good photography - - how can you fail in Paris ? The truth is , it 's easy to fail . There are very few original stories to be told in a photo of the Eiffel Tower . Or of people in a café . Or of bridges over the Seine and of friends and lovers on park benches . Of women biking in high heals , or little dogs in warm coats doing their pee pee against a Parisian building . Of Notre Dame , of the Louvre , of cheeses in cheese stores and pastries in pastry stores - indeed , in my small way I have , over the years taken all those photos ( except the dog and the pee pee , but I 've come close ) and repeating them is such a cheat . I 'll offer just a handful of photos and a handful of explanations . And yes , there 'll be yet another attempt to show the Eiffel Tower in another light , but I tell you , even as I am standing there on the bridge , I have next to me another photographer trying for a similar shot . With a tripod and a sophisticated camera , and time , too . And maybe it will all come together for him . Maybe . But it will be hard . Okay . This time , I have sixteen hours in Paris . A train ride in , with the magic , stunning moment when I alight at the RER Luxembourg station and see the park before me . And today , because it 's sunny and in the upper forties and a Sunday no less - the world is there , trying to take in those vitamin D rays of a glorious sunshine . We come quickly to our hotel and Ed stretches his ankle and I take off " just for a quick minute " to buy a bottle or two or three of wine over at Nicolas . Which happens to be in the busiest corner of the 6th Arrondissiment . Which is grand . Then it 's dark . Ed is willing to go out for a longer walk and we try to get the guy who sells oysters at his usual place off the St Germain to sell as just a couple but he says he is too busy now and we should come back later . Ah , later . There is no later for us . We pause then at a café , which seems okay - not too busy , not too empty , and it has terribly expensive glasses of wine and water ( Paris is not Portugal ) , but I have one and Ed has the other and he shows me how I can more effectively use some features of my camera . ( Ed has long remarked that if he would have taken on photography , he would have actually used the features of his camera - to which I say " yes my love " and then he says no more . ) We want simple food , cheap food , well , relatively cheap food and so we go back to the place where we last ate a meal together in Paris - at the Cremerie Polidor , just in back of our hotel . It 's the kind of place where a sign says " we have not taken credit cards since 1845 " and so you have to have the cash and you have to sit at long tables and you would think this last requirement would turn Ed away , but it doesn 't . He likes the food and the simplicity of the setting . And I do too . I have lentil soup and veal stew and tart tatin and I remember how last March we ate pretty much the same thing and I worried because I had left my purse on the plane . This time I have no great worries . Just Portuguese sniffles . And the waitress reassures me that the wine she is about to serve me well takes care of any sniffles . In the morning , we have a little more time . My usual flight to Chicago leaves early , but this time we 've routed ourselves through Detroit - - a later deal , and so we can have our breakfast in Les Editeurs , even as it is still not quite light outside . I watch the delivery vans come to the café - first the vegetables , then the coffee . The delivery people are friends with the waiters , with all the café staff in fact , and it is a wonderful thing to hear that quick but sincere exchange of morning greetings . And then it 's time to get the RER train back to the airport . We walk past the Luxembourg Gardens , with one last look at the people doing the usual on this morning . Biking to work on their normal paths . That 's all . Nothing more . Not hard . The ocean . Ericeria is up north some , and because I have a childish belief in the wisdom of guide books , I believe it when the book tells me that Ericeria was and continues to be primarily a fishing village . Men , paying the rent by catching fish . ( I have never seen a woman taking out a small boat to fish for a living in these fishing towns . Ever . ) Well yes , but Ericeria has grown and expanded significantly . Fishing boats ? Plenty . But nothing about Ericeria is remote , small , or quiet . This is the place where , on a sunny Saturday afternoon , many Portuguese come for a good meal ( of fish and of Ericeria 's specialty - the Portuguese lobster ) . Ericeria has in recent years called itself the seafood capital of Portugal . I did not know that when we found the proper bus to take us there . It 's not a long ride from Sintra ( fifty minutes maybe ) and I merely wanted to end our stay with a day on the coast . Listening to waves lost in our own thoughts , lost , too in the maze of narrow streets of an old fishing village . As it happens , the village had long ago expanded into a town . But no matter . It still has the lovely old town center , the fantastic rocky coastline , the thundering waves , the foamy rough waters . And it certainly has the fishing boats . Out of water today . With men fixing nets and making small repairs . Ericeria also has a jetty made of boulders and cement and I suppose there are days when the waves are not so large and you can stroll to the end and back . Today , though , there is a warning sign that the waves are dangerous and can knock you down flat . I stay off . Ed ( you are not surprised to read this , I 'm sure ) walks the breakwater , wistfully almost , as if all that 's beautiful on this planet can be found in the crashing waves . No wave knocks him down and indeed , he seems pretty dry when he returns . Me , I spend the time thinking about what to have for lunch - the small local lobster or a seafood mixed plate . Like these guys . I 've been eating vigorously in Portugal , but not nearly as vigorously in the mornings as Ed , who has loved the abundant breakfasts we 've had in Sintra ( and , too , in Evora ) . At the Casa Miradouro , if you stay for five nights , one of them is free - hence the decision to base ourselves there ( as in Evora , less than $ 100 for two , morning meal , taxes , services , WiFi included ) . We 're the sole visitors at the guest house now and our hostess , Ziza , and her assistant , each dressed in starched , embroidered aprons for the morning ritual , prepare an abundant breakfast of eggs , salmon , cheeses , salamis , fruits , cakes and breads . After all this , Ed insists we do not deserve lunch . I don 't disagree , but I cannot say no to enchanting light meals in new places and especially by the sea places , and so at lunchtime he 'll nurse a fizzy water while I eat a second meal . Traveling in harmony requires making room for the whims of your companion . We walk some more then , and I shop a little - a bottle of port to take home . Some chocolate - - which doesn 't even make it back to Sintra . More olive oil . Edible things that will recall for me these days by the sea , by the sea , by the beautiful sea . . . Late at night we wander up to Sintra 's palace , the upper square , we poke our noses into a few recommended eating establishments and reject them all . Too formal . Too pricy . Too calm . We choose instead a tavern - like place all the way down by the train station where a lively crowd is eating unfussy food . Portugal is fantastic in its unfussy spaces . The pastelaria where you can get the simple pastries with custard . The wine shop where the great wines are never a great fortune . The little trains and big buses that zip people from one village to another . The fishing boats and the men who fish from them . The rough waters pounding away as we watch , listen , contemplate .
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I grew up here in Texas . I also grew up eating Cowboy Stew . This is a great easy dish that is great when the weather is cold , and I also enjoy it when it is hot . In other words , there is pretty much never a time that I would turn this down . ( Unless I just ate . I mean , I don 't want to make a pig out of myself ! ) So , because my mother in law has requested that I write this recipe down for her for ages , here is how you make Cowboy Stew ! The first this that you need to do is brown the ground beef . While the beef is browning , chop the onion and bell pepper . After draining any fat that you want to remove ( by using ground sirloin you can actually skip that step ) add the bell pepper and onion . Now is the time to open the canned items and drain them . If you have a tabby named Trouble , the can opener will serve as her cue to make a holy racket . ( In case you were wondering , she happens to think that anything you open is for her - I 'm not sure where she got the idea , but she never misses an opportunity to tell me ) Once everything is drained , add it all to the pot . This is also the point that you may realize that you should have used a bigger pot . You may also debate with yourself the merits of changing pots and adding to the dishes that need to be done . Now peel , chop and boil the potatoes in another pot . This does two things - it allows you to drain part of the starch off and to not wait forever for the potatoes to cook in the stew . Once the potatoes are soft , drain them and add them to the stew . Simmer for a bit more for the flavors to meld and enjoy ! Cowboy Stew2 pounds of ground sirloin1 bell pepper ( diced ) 1 onion ( chopped ) 4 potatoes ( peeled , chopped ) 1 large can crushed tomatoes1 can tomato sauce1 can diced tomatoes ( or diced tomatoes with green chilies ) ( drained ) 2 cans kidney beans ( drained ) 1 can whole kernel corn ( drained ) 1 can green beans ( drained ) 1 can carrots ( drained ) 2 tablespoons garlic saltBrown the ground beef and drain off excess fat . Sautee onion and bell pepper in pan with ground beef . Once the onion and belPosted by Slicing a bell pepper is another of those tasks that can take forever if you don 't know the trick . Luckily , I do know it and so will you ! 1 : Hold the bell pepper up on its end and slice off the side . 2 : Rotate and repeat until all of the yummy green parts are off and the nasty seeds and membrane remain attached to the stem . 3 : Toss those and chop or slice to your heart 's content ! When I 'm chopping the peppers , I slice the sides into strips first and then chop the strips . I know that this is a short post , but it really is just that easy to do . It makes my life easier and dinner come together faster for all sorts of dishes . Plus , the clean up is so much easier than if you have membrane and seeds all over the place . Enjoy ! Love , Megs It may be a bit of an exaggeration , but I truly feel that this is the easiest way to get into an onion in the world . It 's super simple : 1 : Slice off both end of the onion . 2 : Slice through the top layer of the onion and pull back . 3 : Pull the outer layer off of the onion . See - it really is that simple ! Now you can slice it any way that you want . My most common next step is to cut it in half from top to bottom ( end to end ) . Then I am free to slice and chop the onion any way that I want to ! Another handy little tip for dealing with onions is to keep a glass of water near by . If the onion starts to make your eyes water , simply take a drink of the water . Having the water up in front of your eyes actually clears up that burning feeling . And you should never have to cry over dinner ! I hope that helps ! Love , Meg This Saturday was wet , rainy , and just generally gloomy . The bright side of that was that Hubby was off of work so we were able to spend the time together . Before the rain started , Hubby worked on getting our soon to be garden ready ( he has huge plans for growing food - I 'll keep you posted ! ) and I worked on cleaning the kitchen . The down side of saving lots of money by cooking all the time is that the kitchen always seems to be a mess . Someday soon I will get all caught up on everything and my house will look amazing . Well , a girl can dream , right ? After the rain started , we became kind of useless . You know how it goes - the rain is falling , it 's nice and gray outside , and you hear that pitter patter on the roof . Useless . We were both about to fall asleep in the middle of the afternoon . We finally pried our sleepy selves up off the couch and went into town to run some errands . We had to pick up cat food ( Trouble really lets us have it when we get low ) and Hubby needed a couple of things from Target . By the way , Target is just about one of my favorite stores ever ! ! ! Every time that I go there I have to take extra time and look through all of the clearance sections . It is a great place to find great gifts for friends and family at a great price . After we had gone through and gotten out loot ( including makeup for me , new sneakers on clearance for me , and a super fun messenger bag for $ 2 . 50 on clearance for me too ! ) we went to wait to get checked out . All of the lines were pretty busy so we ended up in line behind a woman that had a ton of stuff . Finally it was all rung up and we heard her total : $ 362 . 74 . I nearly fainted . I looked at Hubby and I swear that my eyes had to have been bugged out in disbelief . My total , in case you were wondering , was $ 19 . 32 . Hearing that total really got me thinking . She had a bunch of frozen and convenience style foods in her cart , and I didn 't really see the makings of a decorating makeover . That means that this total came mostly from food . I don 't spend that much on food iPosted by One of my favorite things about shopping for groceries is finding good deals - especially on meat . There are plenty of times that we have had new cuts of meat just because I found it on sale . It 's a great way to save money and to try new things . Sometimes when I find meat on sale , I tend to get little bit more than we can eat at one time . After all , it is just me and Hubby and even though we have healthy appetites we can only eat so much . I mean come on , I want to loose weight , not gain it . ( Side note - one way to loose weight and live a healthy life is to cook your own food . You know what all is in it and you save so much money . ) When I go a little overboard on the purchasing , I break the meat out of the packages that it came in ( because they are useless when freezing things ) and freeze them in easy to access portions . For these boneless pork ribs , I first pulled out all three packages and the bag that I planned to freeze them in . I decided to freeze them all in one gallon sized freezer bag because each package made one row when placed in there flatly . The bag held all three rows and they will still be easy to break apart to thaw and cook . Or I could just thaw them all when we have friends over and make a super big meal . Not that I 'm planning anything - THIS IS NOT A PARTY ANNOUNCEMENT ! ( Whew - had to put that in there ! ) So that is how I freeze boneless ribs to take up as little space as possible and still be accessible to thaw and cook . Lining them up allows me to only pull out what I want instead of letting them freeze into a giant block of pork . Delicious , but not practical . I hope that helps anyone and I 'll be sure to share my tips for freezing other types of meat ! Love , Meg We all have leftovers sitting around that we don 't really want to eat . You know the ones - it 's something that you are tired of , or the sides that you ate with it are gone , or even it just plain doesn 't sound good today . Today I have the story of pulled pork that got some new life as tacos . I know that it sounds like a strange idea , but sometimes you can take parts of a previous meal and re - work them into something completely different . The easiest things to do this with are meats , but plain rice and past can be worked over for new meals too . The first thing I did was to pull the pulled port apart even more . It was still in some pretty large pieces and needed to be thinned out just a bit . This makes it much easier to get a better coating of sauce on the meat . Doesn 't that look nice ? Now we need to make up the sauce a bit . Just put plain barbeque sauce into a sauce pan ( what a handy title for a pan to put sauce in ! ) and add garlic salt and hot sauce . Hubby LOVES Sriracha . Loves it . He puts it in all sorts of stuff when I 'm not looking . Like creamy chicken ramen soup . Weirdo . ( I love you Hubby ! ) Anyway , after you add the garlic salt , add some hot sauce of your choosing until you reach the level of pain … I mean spice that you prefer . Then add the pulled pork and stir until combined and heated throughout . Now get out your tortillas , add some pork , grated cheese , and sliced avocado and ta - da ! Another dinner from one that you already cooked ! Not only do you have a great meal with little effort , but you aren 't wasting something that you already have ( and thusly saving money ) ! This was such a big hit with Hubby that he is already requesting it again . Hope that you enjoy it too ! Love , Meg Yesterday was that most unfortunate day of the week : Monday . It comes after every Sunday and brings with it a return to work and school , traffic , and any of the stress that you were able to dodge during the weekend . Even when you don 't work full time , you can always tell when it is Monday . After a Monday that is every bit a Monday , sometimes the last thing that you want to do is come home from work and cook dinner . That is where this deal comes in : Cotton Patch $ 6 . 99 Chicken Fried Chick or Chicken Fried Steak This is only available on Monday nights , and only for dine - in . Hubby and I both got this deal and water to drink and were out for less than $ 20 . 00 even after tipping . An additional score is that I always split my chicken fried steak in half when I first get it ( gravy on the side so that it won 't get soggy ) and then split it again and place each ¼ of the original on a roll . Boom . Sandwiches for lunch the next day ! For anyone keeping track , that means that a $ 6 . 99 dish makes two meals . A great deal any way you look at it ! Love , Meg Hubby never worries when I tell him that I 've been shopping . In fact , he knows that usually it means that there is more food in the kitchen . What can I say - I 'm predictable . This weekend I found a few deals worth sharing that are still going on . Great Clips $ 6 . 99 Haircut SaleThis sale started last weekend but is going until this Friday ( 02 . 24 . 12 ) . If you usually just stop in somewhere for a haircut instead of religiously visiting the same stylist - this is a deal for you ! There may be a little bit of a wait because of all of the other people trying to get the same deal , but at this price for a quick trim , it is worth the little bit extra time ! TargetEvery Sunday , I love reading the circular from Target . If you don 't get a newspaper ( I don 't , but my mom does ) you can always view the weekly deals online . Target had a couple of features this week that I took advantage of . And by a couple , I really mean three . The first one was a five pound box of Cuties for $ 4 . 99 . These are great for a little snack or for part of a bagged lunch . The second was sort of a double deal for me . They have several pet items listed for $ 10 . 99 each - with an additional $ 5 . 00 gift card if you buy two of the participating products . I bought two 35 pound containers of kitty litter ( oh trust me - it will get used ) which were $ 1 . 00 off of the regular price each and then the $ 5 . 00 gift card . Total kitty litter savings : $ 7 . 00 . Woo hoo ! The last deal that I took part is was $ 5 . 00 for a Dr . Seuss book . I got Green Eggs and Ham . I know that we don 't have kids ( yet ) but when our friends bring theirs over it is nice to have a few things to help entertain them ! Pizza Hut $ 10 Meal BoxI spent Sunday morning hanging out with my mom and younger sister . After little sis left , we realized that the morning was becoming the afternoon and we needed to think about lunch . Cue a very well timed commercial for Pizza Hut 's new $ 10 Meal box and we had an idea . We called in the order and went in to pick it up ( it 's always cheaper to pick up ! ) The boxPosted by There are some times in life that go more smoothly than others . And then there are times when chaos is the dominating feature of life . Lately , no matter how hard I have tried , it seems that chaos has taken over my home . I am behind in pretty much all of my housework and it is driving me a little bit of crazy . This weekend , the plan is to try and catch up on some things while Hubby is at work . I love it when he is home on the weekend and at night , but it is always easier for me to clean while he is out . Since we both work , that can occasionally help introduce that chaos . While I have still been cooking ( that means that I 'm caught up on cleaning the dishes ) I am way behind in laundry . Part of that is from changing out the dryer hose and connection the outside of the house . Nothing is quite like doing laundry and having all of the lint fluff come out of a hole into the laundry room . So wish me luck , and I promise that I 'll be better about posting once me new camera comes in ! I want to take lots of pictures to post here and my iPhone just isn 't cutting it . And just so you know , I ordered the camera with rewards points . So I 'm still being accountable for my spending . Wishing you a happy weekend ! Love , Meg I used to work in a restaurant and remember times that we were still on a wait when we were supposed to be closed . One of the worst nights of the year was Valentines Day . Because of that experience and the desire not to spend the entire night waiting to eat ( Hubby gets hungry and then he gets grumpy ) , I usually opt instead to cook at home . On that same note , it is one of those nights that you don 't want to spend the entire night cooking . It is always good to have a few meals up your sleeve that are quick to put together but still tasty and impressive . Last night was one of those nights and one of those meals . I made baked Salmon Filets and Cheese Tortellini in Alfredo with Peas and Diced Tomatoes . I know , it sounds really impressive . This is such a simple meal because it is just assembly . Today I 'm not going to go into detail on the Salmon but will tell you how I put together the tortellini . Tortellini in Alfredo2 packages refrigerated tortellini1 jar of Alfredo sauce1 can of English peas , drained1 can of diced tomatoes , drainedSet water on to boil for the tortellini per package instructions . In a sauce pan , combine the peas , tomatoes and Alfredo and simmer . Once the tortellini is cooked , drain , return to pot , and combine with sauce mixture . See , simple right ? It is really pretty tasty and super simple . It is a great dish for those nights that you don 't really want to cook and is much better ( and cheaper ) than takeout . Enjoy ! Love , Meg This weekend was a whole lot of craziness and is the reason that I haven not posted since last Wednesday . You know when you have plans that you want to avoid to the point that you would rather the work week last forever than have the weekend come ? Yeah , one of those . Ok , well that was just one of our plans - the other big ones were nice . Saturday morning was best described as a big bowl of awkward with a side of guilt and ridicule . I 'll just leave it at that and say that I was sorry that it ended up that way and I 'm glad that it 's over . The rest of the day Saturday was really pretty nice and spent running errands with Hubby . I swear , today is that day that I 'm going to order a decent small camera so that I can take pictures when we are out and about . Right now my options are to either use my iPhone ( which lets be honest - not the very best camera out there ) or carry around my good camera and look like a tourist at Target . Neither is a very attractive option . Sunday was nice . Really . It was . If you don 't believe me then why are you still reading this ? Hubby and I went to my mom 's for breakfast with my sister ( waffles and berries - so good ! ) and later in the day we went to Hubby 's parents ' house for Christmas . Yes , Christmas was on February 12 and it snowed here so all we did was wait for winter to finally show up . I made a layered Mexican Dip that I forgot to take a picture of , but I 'll put the recipe below . It went over really well and was almost a meal in and of itself . So that is my weekend review , or at least the Cliff Notes version of it . Layered Mexican Dip2 cans of fat free refried beans1 can of chili2 pouches of pre - made guacamole1 container of sour cream1 jar of medium salsa2 cups of grated cheddar cheese3 diced roma tomatoes1 large can of sliced black olives1 bunch of green onions , dicedGet a large casserole dish and layer each ingredient as follows : beans , chili , guacamole , sour cream , salsa , cheddar cheese , diced tomatoes , black olives , green onions . Serve at room temperature with toPosted by Yesterday was a very rare treat . Hubby was out running errands which included coming to see me at the office and going to lunch together . It hardly ever happens even though Hubby is off every other Monday and Tuesday . I usually bring my lunch and he usually saves the gas . Sometimes saving money isn 't the most fun , but it really pays off in the end ( yes , I fully intended to make the pay off pun ) . One thing that usually keeps us from meeting up for lunch is the cost . Not only are we out the money for the gas for him to drive to my office , but then the cost of two people eating out on a weekday . Right now though , Subway is revisiting their $ 5 foot long for any regular sub ! Ahh , choices ! For $ 10 . 83 ( after tax ) we were both able to get a foot long sub of our choice and a cup for water . I got a tuna sub on wheat with American cheese , lettuce , bell pepper , lots of pickles , and mayo . I wasn 't able to eat all of mine , but with the price of a six - inch being just $ 0 . 25 less than a foot long , it was worth the quarter to have it for later . Hubby got a spicy Italian on Italian bread with pepper jack cheese , tomatoes , black olives , onions , and banana peppers . We both ate ( and I had a little left over ) for so little that it made a fun time together even better by knowing that we weren 't breaking the bank . Love , Meg There are many things that hot dogs are not . They are not glamorous , expensive , or time consuming to prepare . What they are is a good thing to keep in the refrigerator for those nights when unexpected things come up and you need a quick and cheap dinner . The secret to good hot dogs is in how you prepare them . Some people put them on the grill , and that is great if you only have them on for a couple of minutes and you are doing something else on there too . Some people put them in the microwave . We don 't have a working microwave ( Hubby doesn 't like them ) so that 's out for me . We usually boil them - or I should really say that Hubby usually boils them . By adding a little bit of minced garlic to the water you can add a little bit of flavor to the hot dogs before you ever add any condiments . For Hubby - more minced garlic and lots of ketchup . For me - American cheese , hamburger dill pickle slices , and yellow mustard . In one word - yum . Love , Meg I was a very busy girl this weekend but I have nothing to show you for it . Sorry , but I blame the Super Bowl . So since a picture is worth a thousand words , I had better get busy to at least make up one picture for you ! Hubby works every other weekend , so that means that I can get things done around the house by myself every other weekend . Hubby is a huge help when we work on things together , but I try to keep the small stuff done on my own so that we can either just hang out together or tackle the larger projects as a team . This weekend it was time to reclaim the living room from the chaos that had overtaken it . Part of that was my fault ( shoes tend to collect in there ) and part of it was Hubby 's fault ( hello socks and other discarded clothing ! ) and the last part rest squarely on the furry shoulders of our cats . The current theory is that cats are agents of chaos . But I do have a picture of this , so all together now ! Ooooo ! Ahhhh ! I even straightened the pillows on the couch . What can I say - I 'm an over achiever ( actually glutton for punishment since the cats love to mess them back up ! ) I have found that the fastest way to make a room look clean is to cut down on the clutter . Not only does this make the room look clean , but it can make a smaller space look bigger . Hubby had gaming books and metalworking materials on the coffee table and they fit perfectly in the baskets under the table that are there for just this very purpose . I also keep a basket on the tabletop for the remote controls . Not only do we not have to hunt them down , but they look neat and organized just by throwing them in the basket when we aren 't using them ! Another great basket that we have in the living room is the one for the cats ' toys . I know that they can 't put them away on their own , but they can get them out when they want to play with them instead of just having them scattered all over the house . Again , a little bit of effort to toss them in the basket and it looks so much neater ! I also recommend cleaning out from under the fuPosted by Last night Hubby worked late , so I took the oppertunity to go and spend some time with my mom after stocking up on a few grocery essentials . After helping her hang about 15 new things on her walls ( she 's so far ahead of me on this it 's not even funny ) , we ordered pizza ! So price wise , pizza for me was free ( ! ) because my mom paid . But here is the scoop on it anyway . Right now , Pizza Hut sells any large pizza for $ 10 if it is carry out . The price goes up for the pizza if it is delivery and then you still have the delivery charge plus tip to pay . I 'm sorry , but for that amount of money I 'll go pick it up myself thankyouverymuch ! So while it 's another night of no recipes ( I promise , I usually cook ! ) it is another tip for eating out on the cheap . Love , Meg Sometimes it is just worth it to swing through and pick something up . Sorry to disappoint , but there is no recipe today , but just a tip . I always look for coupons to places that we like to eat and try to take advantage of them when we can . Yesterday was the last day to use a 2 for $ 4 coupon for french dips at Arby 's . The total for 8 sandwiches went from $ 32 to $ 17 ! Simple dinner and money saving ! Oh , and I bought 8 of them so that there was dinner and a lunch for me , my mom , and Hubby . So sorry that there is no recipe , but at least I had a coupon tip ! Love , Meg Anyone that knows me knows about Murray . As you might have noticed , he 's a cat - but please don 't tell him that . I 'm not quite sure that he thinks that he is but it seems to wobble between a real boy ( Pinocchio reference anyone ? ) to a dog that just so happens to jump really well . Either way , I 'm not sure that cat is really in the running . I have had Murray since the day he was born ( almost 7 years ago ) in the window box outside of my bedroom at my parents ' house . He 's an orange tabby and was named after Bill Murray before he even played Garfield . If you must know , I named him Murray because he had so many stripes and Bill Murray was in the movie Stripes . So it 's a little bit of a jump on the association , but I think that the name suits him . Before Hubby and I got together , Murray was my roommate . He had been strictly an outdoor cat for the first several years of his life but one day , after getting home from a mission trip to Guatemala , I went to pet Mur as he sat on top of the refrigerator in the barn and pulled my hand away covered in that sticky plasma stuff that you get when you are really sunburned . So off to the vet he went ! Did you know that cats could sunburn ? I sure didn 't , and the vet knew it but had never seen it . The plan to healing was simple - no direct sunlight and medicine day and night . And so the outdoor cat came to live inside . He pitched a fit and yowled and cried until he got moved into my room . And then he was quite and happy . The big hurdle was the fact that he had never used a litter box . He started out in a large dog 's wire frame kennel with a little litter box and a little bed made out of a towel . Eventually he really had to " go " and went on his towel . As he was folding the towel over his " business " , he reached past it into the littler box and you could all but see the light bulb go on . Thank goodness ! As Murray healed , he became my constant little cuddle bug . He slept with me every night ( right next to my pillow ) and would hang out with me while I read or watched Posted by Yesterday was Monday . By that I mean that it was every inch of a Monday and would have been a Monday even if it had fallen on a Tuesday . By the time that I got home from work , Hubby was already there and neither of us was up for doing much of anything for a while . Ah , the soothing presence of Netflix . The downside to sitting with the cats and watching Netflix is that we were getting hungry . So to fix that , here 's what I made for dinner in about 15 minutes ! No Bake Tuna Noodle Casserole1 package of Egg Noodles ( 12 oz ) 1 small can of cream of mushroom soup1 can of peas ( drained ) 1 can of mixed vegetables ( drained ) 1 can of tuna ( drained ) ½ cup of milk ½ cup of grated cheddar cheese1 teaspoon of minced garlic1 teaspoon of salt1 teaspoon of pepperStart by putting the water on to boil for the Egg Noodles . While waiting for the water to boil , combine the other ingredients in another pot on medium heat . You want for them to meld but not boil so that they will not continue to cook the noodles when you combine those . When the water begins to boil , put in the Egg Noodles and cook to al dente ( still slightly firm ) . Drain the water from the noodles and mix in the soup / veggie / seasoning mixture . At this point you can either plate the meal like I did and have a creamy , delicious , and fast meal or you can put it all in some bakeware , top with either more cheese ( yum ! ) , Panko Bread Crumbs , or cheese and then Corn Flakes tossed in melted butter and bake uncovered at 350 degrees for 20 - 30 minutes . This was a quick meal that was very good and I will make it again . It 's always nice to have meals that are easy to throw together in a pinch . One note - if you like things spicy , I think that this would be wonderful with about ½ tablespoon of Sriracha mixed in with the soup / veggie / seasoning mixture . It would give it that little extra kick ! So that 's what we had for dinner last night ! Love , Meg Do you have any parts of your house that you don 't even like to look in , let alone think that anyone else might take a peek ? You know , the junk drawer , the closet , the cabinet that you always just shove junk in to make it go away . Then the whole " out of sight , out of mind " phenomenon takes over ( I 'm going to pause here and tell you how impressed with myself I am for typing that word correctly on my first try - go me and insert happy dance here ) and then you forget what you even have in there . I have vowed to banish these spaces from my home because I am tired of not wanting to look at them and actually I need the space for other more important things that you very much . Now we all know that Rome wasn 't built in a day and that since all of the extra clutter that makes it way into our lives didn 't all get there in one day , it is going to take quite a bit more time to fully banish it . And then you will have the eternal battle to wage against it returning when you aren 't looking . Things like that have a way of sneaking their way back in . This weekend Hubby and I started our epic battle against the clutter in the kitchen and laundry room . Ok , we started in the laundry room but since some of the stacked boxes ( most of the stacked boxes ) in the corner of the laundry room were " new " dishes , we had to spill out into the kitchen as well . Just to clarify " new " - these are dishes that I got for Christmas before Hubby and I started dating because they said that they were going to discontinue the pattern . These are the same dishes that my mom has , my uncle has , my grandmother has , my grandmother 's sister has ( my great - aunt ) … are you getting the picture yet ? My family uses these dishes . They were still new in the box even though I had them for years - hence the " new " . The dishes are a pattern called Blue Danube and are white with a blue pattern on them . If I had though ahead I would have taken a picture of them , but I didn 't so now you will just have to wait . Ooh - suspenseful . In stark contrPosted by So everyone is always asking me or Hubby what it is that we are eating and how they can make it themselves . I can 't quite understand why - I never think that it is anything complicated . So for those people that keep asking me for recipes that I never have , I am starting a new " feature " here on my blog - what we had for dinner and how I made it . You 're welcome in advance ( but really , I don 't know why anyone wants to know . ) Last night , I made Potato Soup . By last night , I mean we ate it last night but it took all day to make in the crock pot . We were cleaning ( really cleaning - as in the house is more of a mess than when we started but it is getting better in all of those places that no one ever looks and out in the open too ) . Hubby likes thick soups and this was a velvety smooth type of thick by the time it was all said and done and I loved it . It made enough for dinner last night , lunch today , another dinner in the refrigerator , and one more for the freezer . Wow - that 's a lot of soup for such little effort ! Potato Soup 5 pounds of potatoes - diced with skins still on1 onion - diced4 stalks of celery - split and diced5 teaspoons of minced garlic1 tablespoon of Seasoned Salt8 cups of chicken broth or stock2 bricks of cream cheese ( for right before serving ) Wash and dice the potatoes , onion , and celery and place them in the crock pot . Add the garlic and Seasoned Salt . Cover with the chicken stock ( I used stock left over from a whole chicken that I also cooked in the crock pot - it was almost a jelly , so I put in 4 cups of chicken jelly and 4 cups of water - perfection ) and place on low for 8 - 10 hours . Go on with your day and when you are ready to eat , chunk up the cream cheese , put it in the crock pot and break out the immersion blender . Blend the entire pot ( or reserve some to add back if you like chunks in your soup ) and top with anything that you like - grated cheese , green onions , bacon … just go wild with it ! So that 's what was for dinner ! Love , Meg Last night Hubby worked late , so I had planned to go home , do some cleaning and laundry , and time everything with dinner to be hot and ready when he walked in the door . Sounds good right ? Responsible even . What an awesome wife I am . So I got off of work , stopped in to his work to see him , got him something to drink ( I 'm nice like that , what can I say ? ) and then headed on home to get started . Everything is going according to plan so far . I walk in the door and … due to the rain that we totally need but not quite all at once the plumbing in our 1981 vintage home was making that lovely " gurgle " noise that means that the only water getting used is what is necessary - so there went a load of dishes and laundry . So I can still straighten up the living areas ! That will go so much nicer with something playing on the TV in the background , don 't you agree ? But then a movie looked interesting on Netflix that I have never seen before . And then my orange cat , Murray ( named after the great Bill Murray in case you were wondering ) , decided that he was going to hold me down . So between Murray and Netflix , cleaning slowly made its way off of the agenda for the evening . But that was still ok , because dinner was totally going to make up for it . Just as I was about to get started on dinner , Hubby 's phone rang . Now before anyone has anything to say about me looking at his phone while he 's gone - it 's totally fine . It is at his request so I 'm not being nosy . So there . I looked at the caller ID - Mom . I answered and my mother - in - law was having well timed car troubles . I say well timed because I didn 't have dinner in the works yet so I was able to mobilize , Hubby was about to get off of work , and her hubby ( my father - in - law ) was also off work and on his way . It is also well timed because the new part had already come in and was scheduled for Hubby 's Auto Repair todayTo make a long ( and cold ) story a little bit shorter , we all converged on the side of the road and eventually got her car towed to their house . I will Posted by There are many reasons that people start blogs . Some people have a pathological need to over share . Some people just want a place to vent . Some people just want something to do to kill some time . But I 'm not " some people " - I 'm just me and I 'm starting this blog after thinking long and hard about a comment that my Nana made when I first got married . Nana said that I should start a journal for myself to look back on later of the things I have done since being married and all of the good times that I have had with my new husband , home , and life . Coming from a woman that has been married for over 50 years , that is pretty powerful advice . My grandmother was 17 years old and my grandfather was 19 years old when they got married on Christmas Day and she had just found a menu plan for a week that she had written for her home economics class . How cute is it that she still has it ? When Hubby and I first got married , we lived in one side of a tiny duplex . We had one bathroom , no dishwasher , no counter space in the kitchen , and more places to sit than walk inside . It was not perfect , but it had both of our names on the lease , so we were pretty happy . I was also really happy to look for houses that I thought were in our price range ( more on that later - there really is an art to it ) . And after looking at some real rotten apples , we finally found our new home . Now just a preface : we are not rich . We both work hard for the money that we have and since I am the one that is better at finances , I work just as hard to spend it wisely . And that is the real mission of this blog - for me to share how I stretch what we have into what we want and a little bit of what we dream of . The best way to do that is to make what you can yourself , save on supplies , and know when you are out of your league and save up to hire a pro . So that 's my introduction . Let the home making ( literally ) begin ! Love , Meg
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# I see . I 'd like to ask a few questions about Nausicaa - in the context of the entire work , that is . I 'd like to know how your views of the world and of civilization are reflected in Nausicaa . # What are your recollections of the characters ? And how did their roles change from the start ? I hear that the characters often acted on their own - but was that really the case , or were you controlling their actions ? Please talk about the characters . excited about it , and would be able to talk about it . But it went on for a very long time , and by the time I finished it , it had become something of a grind - so I don 't really want to talk about it . When the series ended , I had absolutely no sense of fulfillment , no feeling of " It 's over ! I DID it ! ! " . In 1993 , I thought that I would finish the series in one year , but although I worked feverishly for two months , I still wasn 't satisfied . But I knew that , physically , I was ready to end it . Mind you , there was no pressure from other people to end it there , it was just something I decided for myself . The editor told me that I could continue it for as long as I wanted . Therefore , I decided on my own to end it . I did have doubts as to whether or not that was a good place to stop , and so I avoided looking over the whole story up to that point . I had received copies of all the chapters from Yoshi Kobayashi ( the person in charge of Animage 's editorial department ) , but I had no desire to look at them . I was scared . [ laughs ] Finally , in order to get the last book finished , I looked them over 2 days beforehand . With a great deal of trepidation . I was somewhat relieved . They were good - although it sounds strange to say that about one 's own work . It wasn 't that I had forgotten most of what I had written , but rather , that I had TRIED to forget . It was scary . What had I written ? [ laughs ] It was painful . Really ! I still wondered if this was the right conclusion for Nausicaa , but I didn 't know . Even now I 'm not sure . # I thought that it might have been better to end the story in one year . In the last seven days of the story , at the Shuwa cemetery , the tone of the story changed and it was pushed ahead all at once . From a dramatic standpoint , pushing ahead to the climax was exciting , but the story to that point had evoked an atmosphere of high civilization , and then it suddenly turned to spiritualism or mysticism . MIYAZAKI Yes , indeed . That 's because Nausicaa and Ohma were alone together . # That was good , wasn 't it ? Although it felt like the story was uplifted all at once . . . MIYAZAKI Continuing Nausicaa for that last year was really hard , although I don 't know exactly why . I guess the problem was that I HAD TO WRITE WHAT I DIDN ' T KNOW . Writing what you know is one thing - but I had to write about what I didn 't know . On the other had , my own views on nature - well , not even anything as distinct as a view - When I gave shape to my indistinct ideas , various weaknesses surfaced , and I had to deal with those . In other words , while these indistinct thoughts about what kind of world Nausicaa 's was were floating around in my head , they kept bumping into prior ideas , since I had been planning this world since 1980 . And this gave rise to various problems . Some things just could not be . The world could not be so flimsy . I was forced to rethink the meaning of the Sea of Corruption , for example , or what exactly the Ohmu were . But when I was writing , I didn 't write from the standpoint that if ' this ' were logical , then ' that ' must be so . Instead I thought , if ' this ' is what will happen , then ' that ' is what will follow . For example , since I had already been thinking of Nausicaa as injured in some way , then I assumed that she would believe that her mother didn 't love her . The readers would be able to sympathize with this , and that would automatically give them a handle on the character . To finish all this off , everything would have to be brought together , right ? [ laughs ] That was really tiresome . I had to go so far as to think about the very meaning ofMaking the " NAUSICAA " Movie was Sheer Agony # At the very start , were you thinking about ending it at the Shuwa cemetery ? MIYAZAKI No , I didn 't think about it . To tell you the truth , I had no thoughts at all about the ending . There was only the the country of Torumekia , then the Valley of Wind and a small country in trouble . One young girl shouldered the burden of the fate of a whole tribe , and by so doing , she no longer had to go to war . It was a story about a world I didn 't know , but I thought that many things would probably happen . And that 's how it all began . . . really ! ! [ laughs ] . After I had started - and I know that this might sound strange - I was convinced that the story would never go for as long as it actually did . [ laughs ] I began it , even though I really felt that the story would be stopped halfway through - either because of my own circumstances , or because nobody would find it at all interesting . I then started working in the animation field , figuring all the time that the comic would eventually fold , or something . So I never gave any thought to it becoming a long series , or anything like that . It was difficult , and I didn 't want to write the comic , because at work I was in the position of having to supervise everyone else 's attitudes about the job . It 's like having two jobs - your own and everyone else 's . So it was impossible for me to do outside work as well , without running into serious obstacles . So , to make matters worse , there was my job . Usually , a person like me , whose work requires 12 or 14 hours to do , cannot put in a full day at the office , and then go home and draw a comic book . All he can do is sleep . [ To draw Nausicca ] I had to reduce the amount of time I spent sleeping , right ? But from the second story , it became something that I felt that I had to do , not something done at someone else 's urging . MIYAZAKI Yes , from the second story . When the first series of stories ended , I discussed quitting with the chief editor at that time , Mr . Ogata . He said , " Don 't quit . " At that time , we also discussed , among other things , my drawing the comic book in pencil , but Mr . Ogata said , " Continue , even if you can do only two pages . " Although he did add that it would be too bad if I were able to do only the two pages . Mr . Ogata 's Don Quixote - like spirit was significant . This might sound preposterous , but I didn 't really want to continue at that time . I did so only because Mr . Ogata pushed me to do it . As a result , it 's a work to which I could not give my blessings . Neither was it work that I had long looked forward to . It was a heavy burden from the start . Even when it was made into a movie , it wasn 't because I thought that I really wanted to make a movie of Nausicaa . It was because I had a chance to make a movie , and Nausicaa was the only thing I had that could be filmed . At that time , I spent about half a year at home - I was unemployed . After I drew Nausicaa , I wrote The Journey of Shuna ( Tokuma Books ) . But continuing that way would have been unbearable - I wanted to return to work . Just at that time , as chance would have it , Tokuma asked me to make the movie , Nausicaa . That was the only work I had , and so I decided that I had to do it . But I didn 't think I could do it successfully , because I did not , from the beginning , even remotely think that the comic would ever become a movie . It was really difficult . Making it into a movie , I mean . [ laughs ] It was agony . The whole time , I thought I was on the brink of disaster . By the time the movie was finished , I was really crazy . MIYAZAKI No . If I draw a comic , I draw something not meant to be animated . Otherwise , there would be no meaning - for me - in what I do . Nothing can be less interesting than a comic that has been drawn with the hidden intention of turning it into a movie . Although there are lots of comics like that , they are inferior products . A comic book is a comic book . It 's different from a movie . Right now , we [ Ghibly Studio ] are powerful enough to plan our own projects and call all the shots , so it 's easy for us to forget that that is not often the case in most of the movie - making world . Whether or not to animate a comic is a matter of common sense because the decision is normally based solely on how many copies of the comic are sold . But there are also people like Mr . Ogata , with his Don Quixote personality , who wanted to make a movie because he was tired of working on the magazine . Or people like Mr . Suzuki ( the second chief editor and currently Ghibly producer ) and Mr . Kameyama ( the first editor and currently freelance writer ) , who wanted to try something different while continuing their editorial work at Animage . The presence of Mr . Pack ( Tsutomu Takahata ) as producer was decidedly significant , as was the participation of Mr . Hara , a top craftsman . A variety of things came together , and the movie was made . # First please discuss the differences between Nausicaa , the comic and Nausicaa , the movie . You 've been working on the comic for 14 years ? MIYAZAKI It 's been 13 years . # You said that your work was not blessed . MIYAZAKI Yes , that 's why I ended it . I 'd become an old man , you know . Really . I was relieved when it was over . After this , I 'll probably do a lot of different things , but what I 've just finished was something that could only be done once . I 've given no thought to doing it again in the future . Making a career from one work is pretty nice , don 't you think ? Or maybe not . It feels desolate , somehow . Saying that I feel like drawing another comic is one thing , but doing it is another thing entirely . There 's the problem of eyesight , the problem of will power . . . There are all kinds of reasons why I don 't want to do it . Or rather , it 's not whether or not I WANT to do it , it 's that I CAN ' T do it . Because I know that I 've already done it , the sense of missing something by overdoing is stronger than the sense of fulfillment . # In 13 years , there must have been several turning points , or times when your thinking towards Nausicaa must have changed . I 'd like you to discuss these in the sequence in which they occurred . For instance , I 've heard that you felt regrets , for the first time , while writing the second story . MIYAZAKI No , that 's not something I do . If someone else wanted to studyNausicaa , as I have done for Chizu Takahashi 's " From Kokuriko Hill " , alterations in the world - it seemed as if some parts had to change whether I wanted them to or not , and some parts changed on their own . The treatment of the story gradually changed . I don 't know if it expanded or contracted , just that it changed . I don 't mean that the depiction of Nausicaa changed . Yes , that 's it . . . There are people who take how they relate to the world and create their own model of it , then inlay that into an SF world and write a story , aren 't there ? If you do that , then you can 't leave that world . If you create a world in a blind alley and develop a story in that world , you can 't leave that framework . You 're sealed in . There are a lot of works like that . " The People Left Behind " , which was the original from which " Conan - Boy of the Future " was developed , is one of those works . The world is pictured in a certain way , and it 's not really life - it 's static . Since the story was created from your conceptions from the start , you can never rise above them . I don 't think that writing a story based on a model is a good idea . No matter how much you think about it , you 're limited by your own creativity and knowledge . You can only create a limited world where characters cannot live freely or grow and change . Really , that 's why I came to dislike science fiction . The world revolves endlessly , and eventually winds up where it started , but at the same time it is boundless . The people in it are constantly on the move . I don 't think that one human can know everything about such a world , do you ? With these thoughts in mind , I wrote Nausicaa . So , in the beginning , I created a world , and HERE was a country called Dorok , and THERE was another country , but rather unfortunately , I didn 't draw a map of this world until well after I had started writing . [ WAHAHA laughter ] I basically created the story off the top of my head , as things happened . That 's the only way I can write . But since changes did occur in the way I think about things , and since it 's probable that my initial ideas were somewhat insufficient , I think that i # You said that Takahata 's " Heisei Tanuki Gassen Ponpoko " epitomized " post - war democracy " . # We who read Nausicaa from beginning to end feel that your desire as an author was to try use the life of one human being born at the end of the 20th century to summarize the history of the human race from the industrial revolution on . MIYAZAKI Not exactly - I expect that I didn 't express my ideas clearly enough . I was trying to summarize the history of humans since the beginning of farming , in prehistoric times - since we first began to tamper with the world . Not just from the industrial revolution - although I can see where you might get that idea from the story . After all , the race of hunter - gatherers was different . The existence of humans became complicated with the start of farming . Not with the start of an industrial society . I think that the human race started when we started farming , and living on the verge of starvation , facing constant crises . Anyway , that 's how I 've come to think about it . When you read below the surface of Nausicaa 's world , you find " A History of the World of Nature " ( Clyve Ponting : Asahi Book Collection ) I think that , at the very least , the chapter on the Easter Islands should be read by everyone . You 'll see that before anything like the industrial revolution or use of high technology - with the beginning of farming , with the gift of Prometheus ' fire - these people took on responsibility . It 's not just a simple problem of the industrial revolution . # But the taboo against fire is separate from farming , isn 't it ? MIYAZAKI Yes , it is . # The race of hunters used fire , also . MIYAZAKI Yes , they did . But it is said that about 4 , 000 , 000 people could live on the earth as hunters . That was the limit , I suppose . When we reached that number , we could no longer hunt , so we invented farming . The moment we invented farming , we started to plunder nature mercilessly . Both famine and abundance are contained in the cycles of nature , and that 's the way people were , before they took a bite of the apple , so to speak . When you search for the reason why humans did such a foolish thing , you arrive at the start of farming . At that point , it 's no longer a case of ' why would humans do such a stupid thing ' , but simply ' well , that 's humanity for you ' . That 's why Nausicaa 's troubles ended up where they did . She reached the point where it was no longer enough to simply say that so - and - so was bad or that what so - and - so did was a mistake . That 's why the problems in the world I created ended up where they did . It would be a lie to say that peace would come if the emperor of Dorok were to die . Peace would not come . There are a lot of examples around , both from the past and now : the collapse of the Soviet Union , the hole in the ozone layer , the Gulf War , to name but a few . I think that the PKO problem in Japan now is an example , too . The same foolish things are constantly being repeated . When one tyrant is brought down , the next problem arises . # Did things go wrong when the race of farmers encountered fire ? MIYAZAKI No , not the race of farmers . Humans . Using fire doesn 't just mean that the environment will be used , but that the environment will be changed . We use fire to destroy things . But # It is often said that Shirato Sanpei 's " Legend of Kamui " , based on a sort of Marxist - materialistic view of history and written in the 60 's and 70 's , represented the state of that era . Nausicaa symbolizes the 80 's and 90 's , when not much happened . MIYAZAKI I wasn 't thinking in such broad strokes as that . # Thinking along those lines would be very conformist . . . MIYAZAKI Shirato Sanpei was a man who reached the wrong conclusions about the historical view of the class system . I think he ran right into those mistakes when writing ' Legend of Kamui ' . There 's no way anyone survived in his world , not if they all had to become such killers . If the world were truly filled with such hate and destruction , if that were how history was made , then everyone would surely have been dead by the Edo period . That 's the point that would have been reached . I had been very mistrustful of him ever since I read his ' The Crossing ' , written before ' Kamui ' . Why was there so much killing ? I realized that he was writing about the special world of the ninja , but the organization would collapse before that level of killing was reached . Shirato Sanpei saw ' Legend of Kamui ' through to the end , but I wonder if he didn 't realize his mistake before he finished ? He said that a historical view was not the same as reality . From that standpoint , I believe that Shirato Sanpei was an important man . He tried to write with a historical view of class and materialism , and if he did that while writing honestly , he couldn 't topple the Edo period . After all , the result would be that he would never have existed . He wrote with realism , and so was aware of what couldn 't be done . I think that he was a sincere writer . Then for a long time he wrote about fables , right ? What it means to be human , and like that . I really understand . I understand , but it was boring . I think that he failed once , and continues to write as a failure . It 's like he lost something important . I wonder what it could be ? I don 't know , but I feel that something is different . There were many parallel # This is changing the subject , but your animated works are very easy to watch and understand . Perhaps it 's your mission as an entertainer to make them so . . . MIYAZAKI I think that that 's what makes a movie . # I agree , but why aren 't other movies - especially Japanese movies - just as interesting ? MIYAZAKI I think that too many movies are influenced by manga , especially dramatic manga . # Do you mean just randomly deciding cuts ? MIYAZAKI No , you can 't get off that easily . I suppose that manga are the root of the ideas . Manga techniques are at play in how the world is viewed or re - structured . Recently , I was doing a movie called ' Futari ' ( directed by Nobuhiko Oobayashi ) , which featured Tomoko Nakajima and Hikari Ishida . I hated the movie once I 'd seen it . I was very unhappy with it . I thought that there were too many long talking - heads shots . I thought it was a comic strip . The director made it as though time and space could be extended freely , as they can be in a manga . Therefore , there was absolutely no tension that would shorten the passing time . When all is said and done , a movie is time . When you want to show a face for 2 seconds , and this look must only take up 18 frames , the tension of how to distill those 18 frames and express that feeling must be present , or else you are wasting your time . Everything is expression . It might seem like you 're ordering someone to feel something , but that 's no different than using a close - up of a face in the frame of a manga . This director also was not making a movie - he was making a manga . It 's true , manga have become the basis of Japanese culture . # I want to pursue why you were talking about 18 frames when you started this talk . Could you say something about that ? MIYAZAKI A movie is a struggle with time . In Japan , there are animated works like ' Kyojin no Hoshi ' ( Star of the Giants ) , which extend or warp time . This can be attributed to Japanese culture . It 's Koudan . Or Roukyoku . [ Traditional Japanese storytelling styles ] If you ever listen to these , you 'd understand - time is actually # One million copies of Nausicaa were published , which was more than I expected , but it seems that many readers felt the same about it . Nausicaa says that there 's no way to separate your enemies from your allies - that certainly seems to be true in today 's world . MIYAZAKI Yes , there 's no solution . Even if you could determine who 's right , the Serbs or the Muslims , nothing has been settled . # Yes , we 've finally reached the point where we understand that . MIYAZAKI I think we 've understood it for a very long time . The problems in Rwanda , between the Hutus and the Tutsis have been repeated over and over , and you can 't just attribute it to effects of the French colonial rule . Sending Japanese troops to the PKO is an inconceivable mistake , as even now self - defense troops are dying . There are doubts even among members of the SDF . It 's being done so that we may become a full member of the UN , but it would be better not to bother . # Returning to action films - the pattern is always the same . An enemy appears and then there 's a fight scene . In America , they still do it like this , don 't they ? MIYAZAKI Recently I saw half of ' Black Rain ' ( directed by Ridly Scott ) on TV . It was terrible . I was overwhelmed by the arrogance of Americans . Two things with different natures come together , and you insist that yours is the correct one . You learn nothing . The scenario right from the start lacks any intention to learn . If there is no relationship in which both you and the other person learns , it 's no good . ' Year of the Dragon ' ( directed by Michael Cimino ) was somewhat interesting , but I think that it was met with some serious doubts on the part of Chinese viewers . Hollywood movies have a universal language . As a visual language , they are uninfluenced by manga . Therefore , it is persuasive , and can become an international visual language . The Japanese visual language , and culture , are hard to understand . But I don 't think that that 's necessarily a bad thing . # Let 's talk about action film theory . If there 's no enemy , there are no action scenes . Have you experienced any conflict with your sense of action ? MIYAZAKI Haven 't we discussed this enough already ? Stories in which the enemy is disposed of and everything is resolved are easy . Regardless of the era or the structure , there are always lots of enemies around . Or I myself can be the bad guy . There 's a work by Arthur Ransome , a pre - war English writer of children 's books - the HMS Swallow and the HMS Amazon series ( There are 12 volumes , but only one is in the World 's Children 's Book Collection ) . I read a bit of one when I was young - it was hard to read . I gave up reading it halfway through , but when I recently went back to read it , I found it interesting . It tried to give one a taste of summer unfolding . The second volume was about the following summer . [ listeners laugh ] I picked up the third volume - that , too , was about summer . There was only summer . I was deeply impressed . This was a story written by an old man who , in his youth , had sailed on ships and walked around his entire country . In England after the war , trends in children 's literature were too concerned with the world of the rich , so this is a story of children who sailed on yachts around 1930 . The story was set in a lakeside region , Windermere Lake , which was the home of Peter Rabbit and is the present - day head office of the National Trust . In any event , these children , who owned their own boats , would camp out on small islands - their parents lived on the shore of the lake - and their talks during these one week to ten day stays would be filled with really trying to experience and enjoy life . This is an incredible philosophy , you know . It 's a real action story , although it just slightly hints at action . In the second volume , a nagging great - aunt makes an appearance , and two sisters , who are both rivals and friends , are on the yacht and can 't show themselves . The young boys who are the heroes spot them on the road . The old woman is sitting in a horse - drawn carriage under a parasol , with a stern look on her face . Across from her we see ycharacters recognize each other as either friend or foe , Nausicaa is the only one who says " You must stop separating people into friends and enemies ! " MIYAZAKI I didn 't intentionally create it that way . I just thought that Nausicaa was the kind of person who would act that way . # It seems that , aside from Nausicaa , the other characters were ones that you have used before in previous works . MIYAZAKI If that 's how it seems , then that must be right . [ laughs ] But I didn 't set out to create stereotypes . # Nausicaa was the only new character . MIYAZAKI Yupa didn 't think of anyone as his enemy . The forest people definitely didn 't consider anyone their enemy . There were others as well . # There were others among the main characters ? MIYAZAKI I have no idea what I wrote about Chikuku . [ audience laughs ] Chikuku liked Nausicaa . That 's all there was to him . Right ? # But I 'd say that Nausicaa 's enemies were his enemies . He did think of # Getting back to Nausicaa herself , of the characters in the various stories you 've written so far , isn 't she the closest thing to an ideal ? Or would you say she 's just a typical heroine ? There might have been no other options due to the nature of the story , but I 'd like to ask your thoughts on the matter . In concrete terms , she had the station of a princess and in appearance she was a beautiful young woman . MIYAZAKI Well , if I hadn 't drawn her as beautiful , there would have been some problems . I thought that I should settle down and draw her consistently , but every time I drew her , her face changed - even I was overpowered . # She has vision and intellect far greater than other people , in addition to distinguished fighting skills . She also has leadership ability . We say that one carries the burden of one 's own soul , but Nausicaa additionally carried the burden of many other souls as well . She was also forced to shoulder the role of legendary savior . But she didn 't let all those burdens defeat her . At the end , she went to the battlefield . I describe her here as such a strong character , and I truly believe that she 's the first of her kind in manga . MIYAZAKI That , I don 't know . I haven 't read all the manga done in the past . But this is a period in which everyone wants to read about ' heroes ' who are consummately normal people . If they 're not , the readers don 't believe in them . I don 't like this . That 's how things are these days , but frankly speaking , I dislike it . Making heroes who are just like you or everyone else around you . I wanted to create a character who was not like that . I 'm not saying that I completely ignore ordinary things . I had no problem making ' Kiki 's Delivery Service ' , or the upcoming ' Mimi o Sumaseba ' ( ' If You Listen Hard ' ) . I 'm not totally against it - after all , everyone likes to think that they 're the hero of their own story . # In the 70 's and 80 's , there were no such strong heroes or heroines . MIYAZAKI Ah - but what about Akira ? Wasn 't he strong ? # Yes , but he was a very strange young man . MIYAZAKI And Na # Did your image of Nausicaa change significantly from 14 years ago , when you created her , until you finished the story ? MIYAZAKI No . Nausicaa was always Nausicaa . She changed , but she was always Nausicaa . It 's more correct to say that I understand her better than I used to . The way I thought of her inside my head never changed . # That 's interesting . It 's often said that characters act on their own . Did Nausicaa start to act of her own volition ? MIYAZAKI I created Nausicaa as a certain kind of girl , and I had her react to various situations as that kind of girl would , but she didn 't act on her own . There was one thing that did change , however . I had intended , at the start , to draw her as a more physical person . I thought I 'd draw her forcefully , with large breasts . But then , if a nude scene came up , I wouldn 't have been able to draw it without apologizing . That was the one thing I was sure of . Really . Not because I would be ashamed , or anything like that , but because I 'd feel like drawing things that can 't be published . [ laughs ] So I didn 't want to draw her like that . That 's the only thing that I can say , without a doubt , that I felt . So that was a change . Of course , if I 'd started drawing her like that , I would have had no trouble with it - I don 't think that I 'm the kind of person who embarrasses easily at things like that . In any case , having now reached this point , I can see that there was no need to have drawn her that way . I think that the only thing that changed there at the end was my desire to depict a more spiritual story . The Deep Wounds that Kushana Bears # I 'd like to hear your comments , as the author , regarding the characters . What do you think of them ? Do they act on their own volition ? Were you able to depict them as you wanted to ? Kushana is the most popular character with both men and women . MIYAZAKI Nausicaa and Kushana are very similar - they are two sides of the same coin . But Kushana , whose background I showed a little of , has some deep , physical wounds . I think that she had the capacity to become an extremely fair ruler . But I didn 't know if a competent front line commander was capable of being a competent ruler , so I didn 't make her one . I made her a surrogate ruler , someone who could take the place of the king . I thought that she could be limited to that role . But as I wrote about her , I kept feeling sorry for her . Her character wasn 't being communicated through the writing . I was perplexed . I thought that I had to touch on her relationship with her mother and that I had to depict her more clearly , but I had only one page in which to do all that . In the end , though , I had no choice but to get to it . # I hadn 't thought about it that deeply . Mr . Anno ( director of ' Fushigi no MIYAZAKI No , I don 't think so . It would be boring . He just wants to play war games . I don 't dislike playing war - I think that the battle scene I did in volume 3 was done perfectly . It was done well enough that I could say " See ! Told you so ! ! " - but that 's just overweening pride . When it comes to depicting war , I think that I can do it just as well as anyone else . But Nausicaa is not a manga about war . # But [ obstinately ] what 's wrong with having an hour and a half long fighting scene with Kushana as a peerless front line commander ? MIYAZAKI It 's useless . Terrible . Well , that goes without saying , doesn 't it ? If that 's the only plan that 's been made then it would be much better to just give up the movie entirely . [ laughs ] Lots of movies about peerless front line commanders have already been done in America . ' Combat ' for example . # Yes , that 's true . MIYAZAKI If you 're going to make a movie , you have to come up with your own ideas . # Kurotowa is a unique character . MIYAZAKI A similar character also appears in one of Shakespeare 's plays . A person of strong vitality , who knows how to get on in the world , who has the ability to perceive reality and who knows the art of living - this kind of person will never lose his identity . Therefore , even though he may actually agree with Nausicaa in some ways , his own way would be best , and he would never surrender to her . So Kurotowa , having various feelings about Kushana as well , nevertheless decides that following her is the only road he can follow . # In this story , Kurotowa is the most important of the supporting characters . Is his role to get the readers ' sympathy ? MIYAZAKI Yes , I guess he had to play that role . # Did you create the character with that in mind ? MIYAZAKI I didn 't think about it in such minute detail . It just turned out that way . When building an army , if you depict one commanding officer , and then give the entire surrounding cast the same opinions , it wouldn 't be interesting , would it ? I thought that the more characters like Kurotowa there were , the greater the variety of things that could be known . # The relationship between King Vu and the Fool was quite Shakespearean , wasn 't it ? MIYAZAKI I wanted to expand the Fool 's role a bit , but I ran out of time . # The Fool was very interesting . MIYAZAKI Yes , that kind of character usually is . Their role is to tell the truth , or to provide a tongue - in - cheek commentary . # I don 't think that you will write more about him , but could you explain what kind of role you tried to give him ? MIYAZAKI The question is : was he aware of how worthless the things he was doing were ? King Vu is also a similar character , I believe . I don 't like depicting characters unless they live with the belief that what they are doing isn 't important , that they don 't want to live forever , and that the world they live in is futile . On the other hand , King Vu is a person who successfully carried out a struggle for authority within the confines of the Palace - once he had started it , he saw it through . Dying , he said to Kushana , " Don 't do it ! " . He was a fine person to be telling her not to kill anyone , but - that 's wisdom . Even surrounded by useless people , he said , " Don 't kill " . Once you start killing , you have to keep on doing it . King Vu was an evil person . He didn 't poison Kushara , or drive her mother insane with his own hands - rather he saw to it that these things were done by utilizing Court intrigues . That 's how it was . # I thought that it would have been nice if you could have delineated King Vu 's personality a little more - maybe as seen from the Fool 's viewpoint , for example . But I guess it wasn 't # Let 's go to Dorok for a while . MIYAZAKI I like Charuka . I like that kind of character . He is not liked by women at all . [ laughs ] He has a lot of empathy . Or rather , he is a stoic . He is unreasonably shy . For example , he can 't touch a woman 's breasts . I like that about him . He also gives the impression that he will stay this way for the rest of his life . [ laughs ] He has contradictory ideas - for example , he 's a monk and thinks that he should be living in a remote monastery . Yet , he is a discerning and practical man . # What about his role ? MIYAZAKI He 's not just the head of an association of monks , he 's no less than a front line commander . The association of monks is a simply gigantic organization , and he somehow becomes responsible for the military department . He was a front line commander . Not a commander of the whole army , because that was basically a union of various principalities . But his was a strange religious federation in which monks played the part of the king . Those monks had an appearance of dire poverty . And the head of the sect wore rags . In a word , the person in charge thought that this was best . Various old teachings and Buddhist philosophies came out - though where they came from I have no idea . [ laughs ] I somehow thought that such things were necessary , and just wrote them - not intending to forge anything . # In the latter half of the story , there was a good comic interaction between Chikuku and Charuka . They were a good combo . But what about Chikuku 's character ? MIYAZAKI Chikuku was an incomplete character . Looking at him as a character , he possessed something of great danger . He gave no thought to the people around him . He liked Nausicaa , so he did what she wanted him to . # Didn 't you depict him purely as a child ? MIYAZAKI No , he 's not a child . A child is an entirely different creature . I intended to depict him as a being with the potential for extreme danger . # This question might make you feel sick , but was he like Akira ? MIYAZAKI There 's no way I can answer that . Even though I created him myself , I was afraid of him when I drew him . I think that in strange situations he was a character who could display his incredibly destructive power . # When did you first think of introducing such a character ? MIYAZAKI When I went to the ancient holy places in Dorok , he appeared suddenly . # Can we think of him as a descendant of the Dorok kings ? MIYAZAKI His full name was Rua Chikuku Kurubaruka , so he probably was . I thought of him as someone who could be anything . # Let 's discuss Namulis , the Holy Emperor , and Miralupa , his younger brother . They are very interesting , but did you leave anything out in your depiction of these two ? MIYAZAKI No . In my depiction of Miralupa , I considered Stalin , the Catholic Pope , and various others . A character like him , by nature , can 't be redeemed . A character who always does just what he says he will and takes on extremely severe responsibilities is sort of unpleasant . Also he in no way tries to counteract the fear that the people have towards the association of monks , and the worry they have for the stability of the nation . If the nation is not kept in fear , then they will not be controllable - this , he thinks , is his noble cause . That 's the forte of someone in power . If you look at the individual himself , you feel sorry for him . But when he takes action , the results are dangerous and vicious . But he probably tore things apart because he had no confidence in his looksMIYAZAKI I thought the greatest theme in this book was nihilism . But with nihilism , nothing is created . In the end , Namulis , too , could do nothing . Well , he did accomplish the big clean up of the association of monks . Turgenov was right when he said that nihilism can do nothing . It is not a philosophy of accomplishment . I think this applies to Namulis , too . He didn 't really want Kushana . It seemed amusing to him , so he got engaged to her . I wondered if he were thinking blood - thirsty thoughts , but he wasn 't . He couldn 't . He just took some pain - relief medicine . Nothing of this was explained in the story , but I just thought that he was someone who might become addicted to pain - killers . That kind of person likes the freedom of propriety , the freedom of revolt . [ laughs ] Even though he never actually gets involved with her , he thinks that Kushana would be a terrible wife . He likes that , too - because he 's also that kind of person . Selm and the Worm Handlers - the Existence Nobility . # Selm of the Forest People was a noble character . . MIYAZAKI " Post - war democracy " tried to eliminate distinctions of caste , and equalize everyone , but it did have noble elements . That 's what I think . [ laughs ] There are still distinctions between high and low . Not just whether you think of yourself as better than others or not . There 's a strong longing for the way things used to be . I myself value such things . # In Kanji Nakaue 's work , there is a statement , " The only one who really understands the suffering of the lowest caste is the Emperor . " MIYAZAKI The lowest caste was the race of worm handlers , but the question is why were they directly connected to Nausicaa ? It 's because since ancient times , there has always been a profound connection between the Emperor and the lowest caste . I don 't mean common people who work as farmers . I knew that I wanted to use the worm handlers right from the start of the story . I thought that I would try to show that something can be learned from even the meanest lifestyle . Although the scale of the story increased greatly , I just wasn 't able to delve deeply into details regarding the worm handlers . The worm handlers were an unbelievably simple people . They were a simple people . # If you think that , then I think that you must understand somewhat the world of outcasts and beggars in " Legend of Kamui " . MIYAZAKI I don 't think that I 'm qualified to comment of the caste system or its discrimination problems , nor do I want to . But those kinds of people will always exist , I think . I don 't mean that they are especially necessary , I just think that , regardless of the society , they will somehow exist . I used the worm handlers to bring this out . At first , Nausicaa couldn 't bring herself to use the worms . She could not forgive such things as opening the graves of the dead . Such feelings are natural , of course . I don 't think anyone could understand something like the worms right from the start . You agree , right ? I think that that 's an integral part of being human . Looking at the worm handlers fromHeedra , the Ohmu , and the creatures who dwelt in the Sea of Corruption . Would it be safe to say they they were all artificially created beings ? At first , we readers - along with Nausicaa - thought that the creatures who lived with the Ohmu in the Sea of Corruption were forces of nature born to purify a world devastated by the ' 7 Days of Fire ' . Actually , they had all been artificially created , which we learn near the end of the story . It was an overwhelming shock , but it was also a very fresh approach . We find this out later , but can we think of the God Soldiers as having been created by genetic or nuclear technology ? MIYAZAKI No , the God Soldiers were God Soldiers . The Ohma were mass - produced God Soldiers and were different . Weren 't they imperfectly made , and disposed of underground ? We don 't know for sure . No one can be entirely sure of the things of antiquity . But the Ohmu were too botched to use as weapons . They were plagued with problems . # They were intelligent thanks to the imperfections in their production ? MIYAZAKI No . That wasn 't intelligence . When human beings start to lose confidence in what they are doing , they long to make some kind of agent of righteousness . Humans have decided that ' intelligence ' is something possessed only by humans , and they have projected their definition of the word on the world at large . But if you look at a paramecium in the context of its own world , and not the human world , then even it could be said to be intelligent . Don 't you agree ? The God Soldiers were created to be agents of justice - that 's why their existence was so tragic . # I liked the Heedra , the courtyard guards - but you depicted them in many forms , for example combat troops or farmers . MIYAZAKI Well , that 's what they were . If made into soldiers , they were soldiers . If made into farmers , they were farmers . They were very sad . The Heedra were the only group whose thoughts Nausicaa could not get into tune with - and she was capable of empathizing with slime . But she had no time - she was too busy fighting . # Those Heedra courtyaMIYAZAKI The Ohmu are larvae . Even when they become adults , they remain larvae . They die as larvae . They are such strange organisms . They are in their pre - metamorphic state . Insects are like that , too , aren 't they ? ' Mothra ' became a moth , right ? I wanted to have the Ohmu turn into something like moths , but I didn 't . I had the wild idea of having the Ohmu change into moths and fly away once their functions were finished . But then I thought that that was wrong , and that these organisms should always remain larvae . In the end , I thought that that 's what the Ohmu were and I left them that way . The Ohmu were different , because they were created that way . They were a little sorrowful . They were different from other insects , even in the way they flew . For example , a butterfly will fly 1500 kilometers across the sea , without knowing if there is anything on the other side . Balloonfish ride the tides and keep coming back to the coast of Japan . They then become adults , but don 't reproduce at that point . They keep coming over and over again . They do it so that they can reproduce when the waters around Japan have warmed up due to continental shift . And then there are the leafhoppers , which attach themselves to rice plants . The leafhoppers come from China . They don 't reproduce in Japan . They keep coming back here over and over . Imanishi [ a noted Japanese ecologist ] refers to this as a ' waste of life ' . Some plants want to bloom and reproduce , and float down a river looking for land . Instead they wind up in the ocean and die . This is done over and over again . The cycle repeats itself . But if conditions were ever to change , they might be successful . Along the same lines , in the past few years here [ Miyazaki 's vacation villa in Nagano ] , the number of dogwood trees has increased remarkably . They grow between the larches and spread all over . In order to build this villa , a lot of trees had to be cut down . The space left after construction filled with dogwoods . They fill it up . It 's incredible . I wonder where they came from . There 's MIYAZAKI I don 't know if that 's how one should think about it or not . I don 't know what happened with Nausicaa 's mother . I thought that maybe she had been forced to part from the man she loved , or she was forced marry the tribal chief . Something like that might have happened - and it might not have happened . I don 't know . She was kind , but she was wrapped in a cloak of despair - of course , such a person can also be kind . What kind of mother was she ? I don 't think that she was ever cruel to Nausicaa , or mistreated her . It was said that , deep down , she was a very gentle , kind person . The villagers were also kind to Nausicaa . But none of this was the same as love . In American culture , if there are any problems , it 's always because ' you love me ' or ' you don 't love me ' , and that 's all very nice and easy , but it 's not that simple . It 's different , right ? I think so . # I 'd like to talk a bit about the Soldiers of the Gods and the Hydra . Can we think of these two things as the end product of nuclear and genetic technology ? MIYAZAKI It 's not a question of ' thinking ' - that 's what they are . The people who created them would do such things to bring about the saving of the world . But people are capable of pulling through crises on their own . Look , if you come across an abandoned child , you can save him then , but it would be foolish to try to save him from all future crises . Life is cruel and despair is an essential element . If we tamper with it , trying to remove harmful elements , unforeseen problems may result . I saw ' Life from the Sea ' , which was a part of NHK 's ' Life ' series . They said that the more we learn about life , the less we know . In the Western world , this is where God comes in - after all , this must all have been created by His design . But the things we 've come to understand and the things we think we 've created have been part of the world from the start . Music , for example . I think that the universe is full of music , and we just pick it up . MIYAZAKI Just as the swirling of Jupiter and the swirling inside a cup are the same , everything in the universe is the same , after a fashion . For the most part it 's a zen mondo . In the same way , in making a movie , it might appear that you make the decisions - what you like , don 't like , etcetera - that 's because you think there 's one optimal way to make the movie . This may be my fancifulness , but more than you deciding to make a move , the movie decides that it wants to be made . The movie tries to become a movie . And there 's an optimal way to do this . Or at least a preferable way . But how do you find it ? If you do the best you can with the staff , budget and strength that you have at the time , and you choose the form that will best suit your subject , then you get the feeling that there is only one optimal method . But that 's a somewhat Catholic concept . # Catholic concept ? Listening to you talk , I hear Buddhist concepts . MIYAZAKI Well , I don 't know . I don 't know if it 's a Catholic or Buddhist concept . Feeling that the answer is somewhere above you , like God , makes me think that it 's more Catholic . Next month [ from September of 1994 ] , I have to start preparations for my new movie " Mononoke Hime " ( The Demon Princess ) . This is not so much because I want to do it , but that the situation is such that I feel required to do it . The situation is stronger than I . I may do it grudgingly , but since there is really no choice , I will do it to the best of my ability . I 'll do my best , but say that I have three directions I can take . Which do I choose ? Whatever I do , I 'll end up with a movie called ' The Demon Princess ' , but there are 3 possible versions . I think we make decisions like that at critical junctions . Once decided , you are committed to that track , and the best you can do is try to find the optimal method . It would be nice if we could find it easily , but it 's not that simple . Birth Equals Suffering continue to develop nuclear technology and biotechnology . Considering nuclear technology , having experienced Hiroshima , Nagasaki , and Chernobyl , resistance to nuclear technology is active . But I think that biotechnology will continue without much resistance . What about the second half of the 20th century ? MIYAZAKI Humans will be remade . We 'll try to make humans who are not atopic , for example . Humans are not immune to the effects of the environment we 've created . If we don 't wonder about what we might have done wrong , or whether or not we could do things differently , then we have no choice but to accept things as they come . We really need to strike a balance at some midway point between extremes . If everything is God 's will , then it 's wrong to cure sickness . That 's why women who made herbal concoctions were called witches . They went against God 's will . But humans can 't just stand by and leave things as they are . Pain and suffering exist , and we do what we can to alleve them . The most fundamental aspect of ' post - war democracy ' in Japan during the 50 's , in my opinion , was the philosophy that the misery of the individual could be completely alleviated , as long as the government and nation made no mistakes . Completely alleviated . Because humans were not born to suffer . But what happens then is that being born becomes a torment . We lose sight of the truth of existence . People who suffered illnesses from radiation poisoning , and people suffering from other cruel afflictions embraced their suffering and carried on with life . But those people wanted to believe that the things that happened to them were solely the result of things created wrongly by other humans - polluted food and environment , atomic bombs , etcetera . I think that problems of medical treatment and life stem from this . But it 's wrong . The prevalent idea throughout the world is that pain and human existence are irretrievably linked . After the war , Japan built an artificial and unnatural ' better ' world , thinking that ' post - war democracy ' could alleviate pain . We thought that we could clear up most problems by reaching a certain level of national wealth . So instead of guns , we built a high - growth economy . A lot of misery was eliminated by eradicating poverty . " Ku - pora no aru Machi " ( A Town with a Cupola ) could not be made in these times of plenty . But in Korea , China , Taiwan and other Asian countries , there are disparities aplenty , and dramatic , aggressive movies are being made all the time . It 's only natural . But in Japan , where these contradictions no longer exist , we 're only making movies about girls in love , strolling down the street . It 's difficult to live in a society seething with contradictions , but it 's also difficult to live in a society like that of current Japan . These problems have existed since the time of Buddha and before , but we didn 't recognize them until very recently . Now we see them , but we still haven 't faced them squarely , and we , and the government , continue in our mistaken belief that there must be a paradise somewhere quite near by . I don 't think that it will be an easy time , when we finally do face up to these problems . [ UP ]
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I just wanted to take a minute to tell all who have commented on my blog , " thank you so much ! " A lot of people who write blogs never get comments , and I am so lucky that I have friends and family who do take the time to comment on here . If you 're not inclined to comment on here , please drop me an email and let me know that you have read it . It is not easy to get the hang of putting a comment up on here , and I have had my share of difficulties here in blogger world , so I do understand . So far , I have heard from several via email that they are enjoying reading my blog . My main purpose of starting this blog is to let my friends and family know where we are and what we are up to . Also , I have a journal of sorts for my own records later on . A few people that we used to have frequent contact with , we rarely hear from , so just to let you all know , we would love a call or an email from you ! We miss all our friends and don 't want to lose touch with any of you ! We love each and every one of you ! Thanks again , Nita Crested Caracara in Flight American Kestrel Great Horned Owl Doris Mager and her Screech Owl Al has a chance to hold the Crested CaracaraHere at Goose Island it is a birding paradise . Lots of people who come here are birders . They have a bird walk a few times a week at 8 am . It 's not really my thing and it 's a little too early for me . The other day our neighbor , Wayne ( he and his wife Julie are camp hosts here ) knocked on our door and said we can 't miss the presentation they are having at 4 pm at the rec hall . He and his wife went last year and it was fasinating . Well , we had nothing else to do , so we headed over to see what it was all about . Doris Mager was the presenter of this program . Doris is an amazing lady and she is a character we will never forget . She has been traveling all over the country visiting state parks , and schools , speaking about the importance of these birds . She travels with her birds in a her van . You may think it 's no big deal , but this woman is in her 80 's . She has been all over the world . She once stayed in an inactive bald eagle 's nest for 6 days and 5 nights , not in protest , but to raise funds for an Audubon Center in Florida . We also learned that she bicycled across the U . S . when she was 60 . In 1983 she founded S . O . A . R . which stands for Save Our American Raptors . The purpose of this organization is to educate people regarding Raptures or Birds of Prey . She brought with her a Screech Owl , an American Krestel , a Crested Caracara and a Great Horned Owl . She presented to us each of these birds and told us their history . The Great Horned Owl has been with her for over 27 years since shortly after his birth . Many of her birds have been injured and many can 't be returned to the wild . Doris wrote a book titled " RJ : Tribute to a Golden Eagle " RJ was a very special Golden Eagle that was in her care for 15 years . RJ was her constant companion and her soul mate visiting many schools fascinating children and adults all around the country . Doris Mager is one interesting lady . I believe she is around Posted by My new hairdo ! Sunrise Al , eyes closed for the cameraGeorgia and RobertGeorga and Robert left yesterday headed west toward San Antonio and eventually to Big Bend National Park and then to Arizona . We enjoyed our visit with them and will miss them ! You meet a lot of people when you travel in our fashion , and every so often you meet people you really click with . We had some good times and shared a couple of nice meals together . We are thinking of going to New Mexico , Arizona and California next year , so we hope to connect with them again . Not too much is new here , but we are still enjoying it here . We plan to stay here until sometime next week and when we know for sure there will be at least 2 or 3 days of straight sunshine , we will go to North Padre Island National Seashore . There we will try out our solar with no electical back - up . We found out that we probably need another solar panel and maybe two in order to do all the things we like to do for a few days . Unfortunately , with our set - up , we can 't run all the things we want to run . We use the electric coffee pot , toaster , hair dryer , TV , 2 computers and a router , etc . etc . . . . . . . . . . . . Our friends Robert and Georgia have been at this for a long time , 9 years or so . The whole time they were at our site ( 5 days ) they didn 't plug into our electric , except on the last day when they needed to vaccum . They have special LED lights they use that don 't use a lot of power . They go out in the Arizona desert on Government land and do a lot of boondocking out there . They don 't even have a TV and prefer it that way . They stopped watching TV 9 years ago . They do a lot of reading and they hike a lot . I have to admire them for their life style ! I managed to get a picture of the sunrise one morning , out our door , just thought I 'd share ! Most of the time I can 't capture how pretty it is here overlooking the water ! It is so relaxing , we don 't want to leave . The other day I got my hair cut into a different style . It is a lot shorter than I 'm used to , but I needed something easier . Well , shPosted by We arrived here on Monday and are really enjoying ourselves . We had stopped by here last week to check it out and decided this is where we 'd like to go next . It looked like there were a lot of open spaces right here on the bay last week , but when we arrived on Monday , we were told all the bay sites were taken , but we could take a site in the wooded area until one opened up . Luckily , by getting to the office at 8 : 30 am the next morning , we had our pick of a few sites . In order to get here from Mustang Island , we had two choices . Either drive a short way to Port Aransas and ride the free ferry over to Rockport , or go all the way around , ( a much longer distance ) to get here . We had taken just the truck over on the ferry with no problem last week , but were a little apprehensive about taking the truck and 5th wheel . We decided to go for it , as it saves on fuel and time . However , after arriving there , we found out that due to low tide they wouldn 't accept any 5th wheels that day , so we drove all the way around and it was even further than it would have been , because we had to back - track . We are having a great time . We met a really nice couple while at Mustang Island , Robert and Georgia from British Columbia . Al went over to talk to them because he noticed they had solar on their truck camper . Anyway , they came over to check out Goose Island and are staying here right next to us . We are having a great time getting to know our new friends . Al is learning more about the solar and how it works by talking to Robert who has had his for several years . Robert and Georgia do a lot of boondocking ( camping with no hook - ups ) . It is really beautiful here on the bay . Last night I captured the sunset just after it went down . I 'll try to get a better picture next time . The first couple of days we were here , there was so much fog , I couldn 't get any good pictures . Luckily , yesterday was beautiful all day , sunny and in the 70 's . Meanwhile , back in New York little Will has been in the hospital recovering from a respiratory illness . We are sNita When I first met my husband , I knew I had met a truly unique guy . He was born on Long Island , NY where he also grew up . He moved to upstate New York as a young adult . On our first date he wore cowboy boots . He still has a few pair that he used to wear , but like most of us , our feet change and he has not been able to wear those pointed toe boots any longer . While in San Angelo , he decided he wanted a pair of boots he could wear comfortably . So off we went to the " Man 's Shop " in downtown San Angelo . If you want to buy a good pair of western boots or any other type of western wear , this is the place to go . The pointed toe boots are no longer in style . The square toe and rounded toe boots are more popular now . As you can see from the pictures , he now has a handsome pair of boots that are very comfortable . Oh , and I bought a pair also , but haven 't worn them that much . Maybe next year , we 'll buy hats ! We arrived here at Mustang Island State Park on Sunday . Mustang Island is a barrier island on the Gulf Coast in Texas . The town of Port Aransas is located on the northern end of the island and the State Park encompases most of the southern end , and has 5 miles of beach . The city of Corpus Christi also is on a small part of Mustang Island as well as North Padre Island . The beach here at the campground is really beautiful . We were disapointed that we didn 't have a site that overlooked the Gulf of Mexico , but the barrier is very thick here . You need to take a short walk down to the beach to really enjoy it . We decided to take a trip and explore the area a little bit , so on Monday we went out to The National Seashore on N . Padre Island . It almost seems like a continuation of Mustang Island , but it is connected by a roadway , and is considered separate . Both Mustang Island and N . Padre Island have beautiful beaches . You can drive on the beach and you can also camp right on the beach . We will have more about the National Seashore on a later post as we plan to go back there in a few weeks and stay in their campground . We stopped back at the camper for lunch and then headed back out in the other direction to Port Aransas . Port Aransas is a cute little town with little shops , restaurants and a nice beach . So far , we are really loving this area . Where we are staying , we are only about 5 - 7miles to Corpus Christi , and we can easily get any groceries or other supplies we may need . Yet , it 's nice and quiet here , so it has been very relaxing . We went to Rockport and visited Goose Island State Park yesterday . This will definately be our next stop . We are hoping to go to Goose Island on Monday and plan to stay there for at least a week or longer . I didn 't take any pictures while there , knowing we 'd be going back . Pictures shown above are of the beach here at Mustang Island State Park and our campsite . We were hoping for a more picturesque campsite , but we are very comfortable here and it is only a short walk down to the beach . TodayPosted by Every so often someone comes along and offers you words of encouragement . I have been struggling with blogging ! I 'm not the greatest blogger as I still find it difficult out here in blogger world figuring out how to do some of the things other bloggers know how to do . I 'm not exactly a natural here . Things don 't come that easy for me . I 'm used to working with numbers but I 'm not a particularly literary person . I really only started the blog because I figured it was a way for family and friends to be updated on what was going on with us in our travels . So you can imagine my excitement when I was awarded the " Happy 101 Award " from my friend , Carol over at " Reflections From the Fence . " Carol and her husband are fellow Montana owners , who we have gotten to know through the Montana Owners Club . We have met some of the nicest people though this club and are so happy we met them . They are very special people ! So , now I am supposed to name 10 things that make me happy and pass this award on to 10 deserving bloggers who haven 't received this award yet . Since , I 'm new to the blogging world and haven 't read many blogs , I 'm postponing the later for the time being . I can 't possibly list all that makes me happy , so here are 10 that instantly come to mind in no particular order . 1 . God , who loves me no matter what ! 2 . My loving husband , Al who thinks I 'm cute ! 3 . Our wonderful children and their families4 . Grandchildren ! They deserve a special mention , because they are so special ! 5 . All the rest of our families , brothers , sisters , sister - in - laws , brother - in - laws , nieces , nephews , aunts , uncles and cousins . 6 . This opportunity to travel this great country of ours7 . Wonderful friends , old and new8 . A sunny day and even sometimes a rainy day9 . A place called H O M E where I can go when this trip is over10 . All the great memories of Mom and Dad Posted by Yesterday was a nice sunny day . It was only in the 40 's but it wasn 't windy and it was very pleasant . We decided to venture out for the day . We first stopped at another RV park near SanAntonio , Hidden Valley RV Park . We got a reply on our blog from Mark and Teri who manage the park . We decided it would be fun to check it out as we will be traveling back through San Antonio in March . We met Teri and had a nice conversation with her and she let us drive through the park . It is a small park with only 35 sites and we saw a few sites empty that would easily accomodate our rig . We found out also that Teri was originally from New Rochelle , NY , a town we often drive through on our way to Long Island . It 's alway nice meeting new people . She was so nice and we look forward to stopping back there . We had debated on going to the Riverwalk as we heard they were cleaning out the river . It was being drained and cleaned which is a week - long process they do every year . We had been to the Riverwalk a few years ago . It is a really beautiful place . However , not so pretty right now . Christmas is over so all those decorations are gone and it is winter so all the beautiful flowers are missing . It has been so cold at night that some of the plants that were there were covered up with plastic . Also , because of the cold spell the outside eateries show just a bunch of unoccupied tables . I snapped a couple of pictures of the process . You 'll see lots of mud . We had a nice lunch at a Mexican Restaurant , and just walked around watching the men work . On our way back to the car we decided to look for a place to have a cup of coffee . We saw a sign for the Buckhorn Museum . Inside was a place you could sit and eat . We both had coffee and pie . We didn 't go through the museum , but really enjoyed the western style saloon . I took some pics of it as well as a cowboy that hangs around the place . His name is Billy . He is from New Jersey and says he is a born again Texan ! Actually , he works there , but I 'm not sure what he does . It was a very interesting place . Posted by We arrived at a RV park in San Antonio yesterday afternoon . There is a cold spell griping most of our nation . It has been raw and windy so it 's hard to do anything touristy in nature . So , we have been hanging out here in San Antonio for a couple of days . We are not sure we will even visit the Riverwalk on this trip through . We will be going through here again in March , so we 'll save it for then . We had no water again this morning and they are shutting it off tonight . They don 't want to deal with frozen water lines . At least we have a fresh water tank , so we are fine . We plan to leave here on Sunday and head toward the Corpus Christi / Rockport area . It is also very cold there , but is supposed to get better next week . We plan to venture out for dinner in a little while . We have been just relaxing here , and taking care of some necessary paperwork that needs to get done . I thought you might enjoy seeing a couple of pictures I took on the way here from San Angelo . Pictures of a small little town called Mason , TX population just over 2000 . It is so typical of the many small towns you see in TX . Notice the Western style in the downtown buildings and the streets are wide . Can 't you just picture horses drawn up to the sidewalk instead of cars and trucks . OK . . . . . . It 's all I got right now , I 'm cold and I don 't feel like taking pictures right now . Later . . . We planned on leaving San Angelo yesterday , but have now postponed it for possibly another week . There is always something , and again it 's the solar . It hasn 't been working just right , still . So our Solar guy back in Troy , NY is having another controller shipped to us . This will be the 3rd one . Well , it 's not so bad ! We have been having fun here and have really enjoyed our stay here . The 5 E 's have been fun to be around . They actually come to our camper and sit down and talk to us . Erik , 11 even came over the other day and helped me clean . He vacuumed , swept and even mopped my laminate floors . He was bored he said and he likes helping old people . ( I loved that comment ) We are happy the kids always find time in their day for us old people . When they 're not doing chores at home , they actually play outside ! I didn 't think kids did that anymore ! What is the secret ? No video games ! My son and daughter - in - law have seen what kids are like when they become addicted to them , so they don 't have them . I guess that 's one reason we get to sit and visit with them . They are allowed limited use of the computer and I 'm sure that is carefully monitored . It is a totally different lifestyle here . This family gets down to the basics . The kids are home schooled , but they do network with other home schooling families and are involved in the community . They do team sports , musical instruments and the girls do ballet . They go to church every Sunday together as a family . They are expected to do chores . Everything from dishes , laundry , vacuuming and picking up around the house is shared . They even help with the cooking . One of the kids favorite TV channels is " Food Network " . Mom , Deja , never sits down during the day . She cooks mostly from scratch . She even grinds her own whole wheat flour and bakes her own bread . ( Emma can bake bread too ) . A lot of what she has to do as far as cooking , is to provide tasty meals for Erik , who has severe food allergies . He is allergic to so many things that are in processed foods , that this is a better way to goPosted by
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Thanks for letting me haunt your blog , Lee ! Today I 'm going to share a scene that was removed from my book The Bowl and the Stone : A Haunting Tale from the Virgin Islands . At then end , I 'll tell the " real " story . Like any writer , I had to revise and edit The Bowl and Stone … a lot . I changed POV and tense more times than I care to admit . Whole chapters and scenes were ripped from the pages , each one tearing at my heart . But when three beta readers say the same thing , one has to take a serious look . This scene , along with others related to it , was removed because ultimately they made Sam and her best friend , Nick , look rather mean and petty , which is not what I intended . Here the friends are explaining about a grave they believe moves from place to place , to two tourist kids . The two tourist kids were so annoying we had to tell them the story of the Mysterious Moving Grave . " Once there was this really mean man , " said Nick . " He was so mean nothing grew on his farm . " " Hacked all four of ' em to bits . " Nick waved his arm like he was slicing something up . " Scattered their body parts all over his land . He thought it would make things grow . " " It gets better , " I said . " He was caught and tried and they hung him right here at Gallows Point , which is where they hung all the criminals and pirates back then . Even though he was a bad man his brother wanted to bury him all proper , so he built him a small concrete tomb . " Nick continued . " The problem is he 's restless . He keeps getting out of his grave and wandering around Gallows Point with that machete , looking for the people who hanged him . People have heard him scraping his machete along the walls of the cottages , particularly the one you 're staying in . And because he keeps climbing in and out of his grave , it keeps moving . Sometimes it 's up near the road , sometimes closer to the genip tree . " The truth is rather mundane . The grave did indeed appear to move , but not because a ghost was climbing in and out of the small concrete tomb . Back in the day the road past the graveyard was dirt and just wide enough for two Jeeps to pass . During the rainy season , usually the summer , the tall Guinea grass grew thickly along the side of the road , making the road appear narrower , making the grave look farther from the road . During the dry season , usually the winter , the grass died back , making the road appear wider , thus making the grave look closer to the road . It 's 1962 . Sam and her best friend , Nick , have the whole island of St . John , in the U . S . Virgin Islands , as their playground . They 've got 240 year - old sugar plantation ruins to explore , beaches to swim , and trails to hike . But when a man disappears like a vapor right in front of them , they must confront a scary new reality . They 're being haunted . By whom ? And why ? He 's even creeping into Nick 's dreams . They need help , but the one who might be able to give it is Trumps , a reclusive hunchback who doesn 't like people , especially kids . Are Sam and Nick brave enough to face him ? And if they do , will he listen to them ? As carefree summer games turn into eerie hauntings , Sam and Nick learn more about themselves and life than they could ever have imagined . She says , " Growing up in the islands was like living inside a history book . Columbus named the islands , Sir Francis Drake sailed through the area , and Alexander Hamilton was raised on St . Croix . The ruins of hundreds of sugar plantations , built with the sweat and blood of slave labor , litter the islands . Then there were the pirates who plied the waters . It is within this atmosphere of wonder and mystery , that I grew up . Life for me was magical , and through my writing I hope to pass on some of that magic . " Tomorrow is November 1 and that means my Email Connect Message will be going out . I have a new Featured Follower for the month , and some interesting stuff about Amazon algorithms and titles . Don 't miss this one . I kind of left people dangling about Pete 's and Weasel 's predicament in the story . If you visit the BEGONIA HOUSE , you 'll see what I mean . Read the story and decide what 's behind Pete and Weasel on their way past the cemetery ? The question is does Pete save the two of them or does he send them plunging into another disaster like he did in The Great Time Lock Disaster ? Want to help Pete out ? How does he deal with these three witchy skeletons bent on getting him and Weasel ? Welcome . Do come in . Enjoy . Just be sure to wipe your feet before you visit each of our StoryTime Writers . Thanks to Juneta for the sweet bedtimes stories she 's collected for our . . . Halloween Pleasure . Presley set out the last plate of appetizers and checked the vat to be sure it was full . This group drank a lot . He surveyed the room , and was about to fasten the last Happy Halloween ghost balloon to the back of a chair , when he heard a knock at the door . The first guest . Eagerly , he rubbed his hands together . The party was about to begin . But when he opened the door , no one stood on the porch . He looked across the street , and then left and right at the tidy row of houses with reverse floor plans . No one in sight . Source At a gentle tug on his pant leg , he looked down . Three green and grinning faces with knife - sharp incisors and blunt noses stared up at him . " Of course , " he said " Gremlins ! And there are three of you this year . Lovely . Come . Come . " He ushered the short , red - eyed creatures into the living room , where they immediately found the special - sized table and chairs he 'd set out just for them . The way they dived into the guacamole with abandon , he knew this party was going to be a huge success . Presley had no sooner closed the door when the bell chimed . This time a dark - robed figure towered over him . " Death ! And just look at that scythe . I 'm impressed . You 've outdone yourself this year . " " Yes . " Death 's voice always came in rushed whispers . He glided through the door and into a corner where Presley had placed a coffin with a tall flickering candle . Presley had a moment to admire the ambiance of the room before he heard the sound of feet dragging down the path to the house . " Ah , the Zombies . At last . " They never said anything , so he didn 't take it personally when they shuffled past him in silence and went straight to the vat . Two vampires came right behind them and elbowed their way to the straws Presley had provided . They dipped their straws into the juicy red beverage and the vat level dropped an inch immediately . He loved it when his guests enjoyed what he provided . There was only one more guest before the guest of honor . And in that moment the door flew open and a golden - haired youth stepped inside . " Tony ! " Presley went to the fridge and found two cold beers , opened them and handed Tony one . " Cheers . " " When 's he coming ? " Tony took a swig of beer and Presley checked his watch . " In about five . " Presley sipped from the bottle , and then asked , " You 're not changed . Problem ? " Tony shook his head . He held up the bottle . " I needed this before going for it , and , " he pulled the curtain aside and peered out , " the moon 's just now right . " He drained his beer and in moments his jacket ripped up the back , his jeans popped at the side seams , and long dark hair erupted from his skin . He lowered onto all fours and howled . " Beautiful . Simply Beautiful , " Presley said , stroking Tony 's thick fur . Another knock at the door silenced the room . No one moved . The guest of honor was here . This was what they 'd all waited for . One year . A long time between welcoming new neighbors . The excitement grew palpable . The gremlins slipped from their tiny chairs and bunched together in front of the zombies and vampires . Tony crouched , a low growl deep in his throat . Only Death remained seated on the coffin . Still . Watching . Then yawning with a sigh . Presley folded his hands and took three ceremonial strides to the door . " Who is it ? " he said , and his voice was as light as the Halloween balloons weaving slowly overhead . " It 's your new neighbor , Raymond . You asked me to come by for a beer . It 's kind of late , but - - " " Raymond ! Of course , my man . One moment . " Presley looked over his shoulder and surveyed his guests . " Ready ? " he whispered . A hushed , expectant " Yes . " came in reply from the company . Presley opened the door and a loud " Welcome to the neighborhood ! " blared from behind him . About midnight , the 911 caller said he 'd heard a terrible scream coming from the house across the street . He 'd gone outside , but everything was as it should be . Most of the houses were dark , even the one he was sure the scream had come from . Police investigated and found the front door ajar , the house completely empty and spotless . The only sign of life was a long , coarse dog hair . They ran the name of the renter and nothing came up , but in the data , there was another report from a year ago , and it was almost identical . Then they checked further . These very similar calls extended back to when the 911 system had been set up . And each year , a person new to a neighborhood vanished without a trace . The following day , Raymond Miller 's brother filed a missing person 's report . It just ain 't the same . I mean tonight it will still be light when the tiny ghosts trek to my door . How can a ghost be spooky in daylight ? And my witchy costume is so shabby from years of use that I rely on nightfall to conceal all of the patched pieces and cider stains . Sigh . Well , no matter what , we are having Halloween . It is my absolutely favorite holiday . I don 't have to plan a family gathering , I don 't have to be sure to seat Uncle Pete away from Cousin Sadie , I don 't have to make a vegetarian side dish for Leah Ann who is sixteen and turning Zen on me . All I have to do is buy a few trinkets and candy and have fun . My kind of holiday . It 's the time of year to pull those pumpkin vines , bundle the corn stalks and put away the outdoor furniture . Fall is for coming to the hearth with a good book and a hot cup of cocoa - a time to look inward and reminisce about spring and summer days that warmed the garden and brought forth the crops for harvest . The sudden shift of light , the clouds with hints of a storm bundled inside , the night that comes more quickly . . . all of these are October , and there 's a slight charge in the air as the old myths stir within our memory . Persephone once again returns to Hades as she was bound to do . Demeter bemoans the loss of her daughter and the earth goes silent and infertile for the months they are separated . Now is the time for ghosts to walk among us , while our minds grow quiet in the long chilled nights . I haven 't written a ghost story in a few years , but I had a couple published a while ago in Crow Toes Quarterly , so I thought to celebrate the season , I 'd share this one . It 's written for middle grade readers , so I hope you 'll print it and read it or give it to a young reader who would like to be a tad scared by the THE GHOSTLY DOUBLE . This has been fun going back to see what I thinking and writing . Now let 's come up to date . Some of you know I 've started Email Connect as one way to organize my support for authors and give 12 of them extra promo during the year . I can 't believe I 'm almost ready to announce my Featured Follower for November ! But before I do , here 's one more bit about October 's Yvonne Ventresca and her new book , Black Flowers , White Lies . FUN FACT : Near the end of the Black Flowers , White Lies , Ella meets a friend at Sybil 's Cave . As mentioned earlier in the novel , the real - life murder of Mary Rogers near that spot in 1841 inspired Edgar Allan Poe 's 1842 story , " The Mystery of Marie Rogêt . " To buy Black Flowers , White Lies : Indiebound | Amazon | B & N | AmazonUK | BAM Bio : Yvonne Ventresca 's latest young adult novel , Black Flowers , White Lies was recently published by Sky Pony Press ( October , 2016 ) . BuzzFeed included it at the top of their new " must read " books : 23 YA Books That , Without a Doubt , You 'll Want to Read This Fall . Her debut YA novel , Pandemic , won a 2015 Crystal Kite Award from the Society of Children 's Book Writers and Illustrators for the Atlantic region . Facebook | Twitter | Blog | Instagram | Pinterest | Goodreads One hundred pounds of Starbuck 's Coffee , ten Starbuck 's Mugs and a handful of stirrers . Armed with napkin holder . Considered dangerous when confronted before coffee in the morning . Catch Phrase : Hand over the beans . Now here 's Officer Blake Herro . Watch out ! He 's infiltrating the MOB , and if we 're not careful , he 'll take all of us down . 30 SECONDS BEFORE BLURB : Blake Herro is a cop in the Cleveland Police Force . Ever Samuel is standing atop the dirigible , that is really a star - craft , holding up the Xanadu , considering if he should just step off into the stormy ocean far below . It would be but fitting punishment for screwing up royally , dooming San Francisco to the revenge of the celestial dragon , Qing Long . Rind , the Angel of Death , whose blood flows through his veins , appears behind him : A voice of icicles murmured behind me . I should not have been able to hear it what with the howling winds shrieking all about me . But you always hear Death 's voice no matter your circumstances . I turned around , the gale force winds threatening to blow me off the dirigible despite my resolve to stand my ground . The storms in my life always had that effect on me . Rind , the Angel of Death , was in an odd costume . Rind , the name she asked me to call her , was clothed in a black uniform that I had never seen before . In a time when it was scandalous to show a bit of ankle , the skirt was just above the knee . The tunic was tight with collars studded with silver bent - arm crosses . The tunic 's buttons were silver skulls . On her right sleeve was a red band in whose center was a circle of white blazing with another black bent - arm cross . I had seen that symbol in India . The Sanskrit word for it was svastika . It meant " Lucky . " Rind had a dark sense of humor . But then , again , she was the Angel of Death after all . It was downright chilling to see that the hurricane winds didn 't even muss a single strand of her long silver hair which matched the color of my own that was flying like a mane of a winged stallion . I spoke to her with the assurance that she would hear me . Death might not grant your pleas , mind you . But she heard them all the same . " Suicide is running from your mistakes . A man cleans the mess he makes , Rind . I aim to go to San Francisco a few years from now after Qing Long has a chance to cool down some . I 'll clean up this mess then . " Roland Yeomans was born in Detroit , Michigan . But his last memories of that city are hub - caps and kneecaps since , at the age of seven , he followed the free food when his parents moved to Lafayette , Louisiana . The hitch - hiking after their speeding car from state to state was a real adventure . Once in Louisiana , Roland learned strange new ways of pronouncing David and Richard when they were last names . And it was not a pleasant sight when he pronounced Comeaux for the first time . So far he has written thirty - four books . You can find Roland at his web page : www . rolandyeomans . blogspot . com or at his private table in Meilori 's . The web page is safer to visit . But if you insist on visiting Meilori 's , bring a friend who runs slower than you . Anyone who knows me knows , I love Halloween . It 's my favorite holiday of the year . So having L . X . Cain here this month with her new book is a real treat . I 'm so looking forward to opening that cover and diving into the horror that the cover promises . Take it away , Lexa ! Into Zorka Circus comes the Skomori clan , despised as gravediggers and ghoulish bloodwalkers . A one - day truce allows bloodwalker Sylvie to marry . Instead , she finds a body . Alerting others will defy her clan 's strict rules , break the truce , and leave her an outcast . Kobo . BAM . Dancing Lemur Press L . X . Cain was born in the U . S . but now lives on the Red Sea and busily taps away at a laptop , coming up with stories to thrill and entertain readers . Contact L . X . Cain There 's still time to write a bit of Halloween horror yourself on the WEP for October . That or something about Constellations . Sign up and Trick or Treat us with your prose ! I 'm feeling very smug because I 've already done MINE . Quote of the Week : " Your whole life passes in front of your eyes before you die . This is called living . " Terry Pratchett , author The thick door grinds open when I press against it , and a musty air brushes over me and into the October twilight I 'm about leave . When I step inside , the door seals behind me with a solid , dull thud . Then silence . I blink until my eyes adjust to the darkness . And there he is perched on stone just as I 'd imagined , but smiling . Not as I 'd imagined at all . " You 're late , " he says , yawning . I wasn 't expecting the yawn anymore than I was expecting the smile . Not pretty . I choke and put my hand over my mouth . " Traffic , " I mumble . The silence that follows unsettles me more than I am already . Then he says , " Shall we begin ? " Like I have a choice ? I 'd say this to him , but I know better . I read the contract . I signed it , but before I understood what this was really about . I was twenty , for chrissakes . I never thought this far ahead . And I still had years before I had to think more about the terms . This early expiration was all Fred 's fault . No . In all honesty , it was mine . I 'd let him become a friend and not just my chief communications officer . When the call came , I 'd been at his desk chatting , and he didn 't pick up . That call was meant for him , not me , and he knew it . He 'd held up his Reese 's Pieces and mimed " Peanut butter fingers . Can you get that ? " The minute I picked up the receiver , I knew I 'd been had . Fred sprinted to the men 's room , and I was left holding the bag - - technically , a phone made heavy by the voice and the message it delivered . " Ah , Stephen . It 's you . I expected Fred . Fate has intervened . It 's time we met . " I heard two things after that , the lonely sound of an old digital clock 's second hand and , " Six p . m . tomorrow . " Again , he 's put me off balance . I wasn 't ready to answer a question like that . " Surely you 've thought about it . " He adjusts his position only slightly , and I flinch . " Nerves are understandable . " When I don 't respond , he says , " Hmm . So you don 't know how you 'd like this to happen ? Too bad . With contracts like yours I usually give choices . In your case , I guess it will be a surprise . " He seems to consider my question while staring blankly at me . My leg jiggles , an old tick from pre - game jitters . Then for a moment I 'm twenty and in my bedroom surrounded with my college baseball trophies . And I 'm remembering why I signed that paper . The major league contract . The no hitter games I pitched - - one after the other . The baseball hall of fame , only six years after my last game . Baseball Commissioner . All before I was forty . That 's what came with a stroke of my ballpoint . His voice snaps me back to the dank space . " If I told you when it 's going to happen , that would ruin everything . That 's part of a surprise . You know that . " " You don 't want a warning . Warnings only make humans edgy . " He strokes his bony chin and the sleeve of the cloak slips back . I don 't want to see under that cloak , but I can 't stop staring at his whiteness . A thin drizzle of cold sweat slides down my spine . This is the best I can do . I 'm totally " hopped " out , and I almost didn 't join the WEP this month . However , common sense didn 't prevail , so here it is - - my stab at the macabre . I really need to leave this kind of topic to Lexa and Holli . They know macabre . No critique , please . This is as far as The Surprise will ever go into the world . No thanks necessary ! Posted by What would life be without laughter and IWSG ? Answer : Kind of boring and lonely . So we can 't have that , can we ? I propose we borrow the idea of Where 's Waldo and have a game of Where 's Gary . Then , when we actually find him , we can stop SEARCHING ! So here 's the map . All you have to do is pick Gary out of the crowd . Enjoy . There are two things that signal FINISHED . I like the story again . Like most writers , I have a real love - hate relationship with my books . First , they 're the most brilliant things I 've ever penned , then they stink . It 's after this phase and the love returns that I know it 's ready . My three crit partners give it the thumbs up . If they like it after reading it umpteen times , then my thermometer jumps to DONE ! Of course , they could be telling it 's a go to get rid of me , but I hope not . Posted by MARVEL ' S ' INHUMANS ' SERIES GETS AIR DATE ! ASIMOV ' S ' FOUNDATION ' SF CLASSIC TO BECOME SF TV SERIES ! SYFY ORDERS ' TREMORS ' SEQUEL SF PILOT WITH KEVIN BACON VS SAND WORMS !
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Author : magdalenehouseblog Easter : Finding Joy in the Suffering March 27 , 2016 by magdalenehouseblog , posted in Blog Posts , Uncategorized A couple of years ago , I was asked to portray the Blessed Mother in a drama about the life , death , and resurrection of Jesus . Every year at Easter , I always recall that experience to mind . I really threw myself into the acting . I tried to see everything that happened through Mary 's eyes - I prayed that she would give me insight into what she felt and saw and knew in each scene , and through that experience and by the grace of God I gained a little window into the passion of Christ that I could go back to year after year as a great meditation for Holy Week - until last year . I had been serving with a missionary group for about 8 months and we were in Los Angeles at the time . My mom was pregnant with her 8th child . She had had complications with high blood pressure for her last pregnancy , but this time around it was going really well and we weren 't really worried . I got a call around midnight from my mom saying that her blood pressure had gone up and they went to the hospital . She said after they got there , it went back down and they gave her the option of inducing labor or having a C - section . My mom HATED C - sections , so she chose labor . She said she would keep me updated throughout the day while I was working a retreat for some middle school kids with my missionary team . Then we said a quick " love you " and hung up . After I hung up - something inside me said that that would be the last time I would talk to my mom . I pushed it out of my brain , and went to sleep , but that whole night I had dreams about getting " that phone call " telling me something had happened . I woke up to an update that she was only a few centimeters dilated and still had a ways to go so I carried on with my day . Around 10am I got a text from my dad of a picture of my new little sister , and god - daughter - Jennie Elizabeth - and I was so excited ! But something gave me pause - that was a really quick labor . So I called my dad and he told me that my mom 's blood pressure had spiked again while he had gone to grab some food . She had a seizure and after it was over , she woke up and told the nurse that she was in pain . The placenta had ripped from the uterine wall and Jennie was without oxygen . They quickly put my mom under and did an emergency C - section . What happened to her was essentially the perfect storm of pregnancy complications . My mom had DIC , which only happens to a small subset of women , where your blood loses its ability to clot . There was also a bleed in her abdomen that the doctors could not locate , so my mom began to bleed internally after the C - section . They had to put her on a ventilator because she could not breathe on her own anymore . A few hours after all of this happened , it was decided that I needed to leave my missionary team and fly home . I spent the night in the airport and caught a red - eye flight home . They said that during the afternoon my mom would occasionally open her eyes and was vaguely lucid . She seemed aware that she was in the hospital and would look around the room . I think at one point she tried to move and they had to restrain her arms after that . That night , my mom 's best friend told her I was on a plane home , and my mom squeezed her hand , and just like that she slipped back into unconsciousness . I arrived early the next morning and the next 48 hours was an emotional roller coaster of life or death medical decisions and helping my dad take care of a newborn baby for my mom who couldn 't . When I walked into the hospital room , I couldn 't believe what I was seeing . My mom was normally 115 lbs soaking wet . The woman couldn 't gain weight if she tried , but the woman I saw in the bed with tubes coming out of every possible place was swollen beyond belief with eyes that couldn 't open . She was barely recognizable . They had to do a surgery on her that morning to drain the blood from her abdomen and they decided to pack her and leave her open for the time being with a draining tube . Her kidneys began to fail and they also had to put her on dialysis . The doctors said her blood needed to clot before they could take care of anything else and that the next 24 hours would be critical . I remember praying the entire next night " Jesus , let her blood be your blood . " I said it to myself over and over again and hoped for a miracle . The following day , nothing had really changed , and my dad and I decided it would be best if I took Jennie home . When I got there , I took a shower , and tried to take a nap while she was napping . Around 3pm , I got a call from my dad . After all the hope and the prayers of those 3 days , it was time . He told me to come back to the hospital , so I left Jennie with family friends and when I got there he explained that my mom 's blood was starting to clot , but it was clotting in the dialysis machine which was making the toxins from my mom 's kidneys rush to her heart . They could thin her blood , but then she would just continue to bleed . They had already revived her twice by the time I got to the hospital . There was no longer anything they could do . Her heart would continue to stop . A few days before , my mom had posted on Facebook : Mary watched her son be beaten until he was unrecognizable . She watched him suffer as he walked with the cross up to Calvary . She watched him labor to breathe as he hung there . She felt the sadness and the sorrow for the pain of her son . She wished there was another way , but knew there wasn 't . She knew that she would miss him , but I believe she also knew that the suffering was worth the cost . She knew of her Son 's great love for us and she knew this was necessary in order for Him to gain salvation for those He loved . She knew that there was hope in this . She knew that there was hope , and that gave her strength . In the same way , I knew of my mom 's great love for her children . I knew that if there was any way that she would want to leave this world - this would be it . Doing something she loved - being a mother - Giving that final piece of her heart to the world . I had hope and strength because my mom 's death was one of the greatest acts of love I 've ever witnessed . After my mom passed , though , I began to feel the same confusion the apostles felt . After Christ died , they didn 't know what to do , so they hid . In the same way , I felt just as lost . My mom was my rock . The one who I turned to for comfort , for faith , for her opinion , and her advice . For the first time , I had to look at my world standing on my own two feet instead of leaning on her . I moved home to help my dad take care of Jennie and the rest of my siblings , and let me tell you - there were a lot of times this year that I hid just like the apostles . I hid from the people in my life that I cared about , from my own emotions , and even from God . There were a lot of times when I wasn 't strong , when I couldn 't feel the peace that I felt that first night quite as strongly - But God was still there in those moments too . I don 't know what I would do without my brothers , my dad , my family , my friends , my church community . The outpouring of love that I and my family have received from our community in this year has constantly reminded me that I was not lost , and that there was no need to hide . Through the suffering , the doubt , and the pain - the hope of new life breaks through . The promise of the resurrection and salvation of God permeated even my darkest times . All I had to do was grasp it and hold on . When I miss my mom , I always remember that because of the great love and passion of Christ , my mom has found salvation , and that always brings me joy . Joy is the fruit of our faith , hope , and love . It 's knowing that God is working and is close to our hearts in the good and the bad . It 's knowing that God works for the good of those who love Him , and that the trials of this life are nothing compared to the eternity that is waiting for us in heaven . " Truly , truly , I say to you , you will weep and lament , but the world will rejoice ; you will be sorrowful , but your sorrow will turn into joy . When a woman is in labor she has sorrow , because her hour has come , but when she delivers the child , she no longer remembers the anguish , because of the joy of knowing that a child is born into the world . So you have sorrow now , but I will see you again and your hearts will rejoice , and no one will take your joy from you . " This is my prayer for all of you this Easter - whoever you may be - that you would know the true Easter joy and let NO ONE or NOTHING take that joy from you . Whatever battle you are facing , big or small , be assured that Christ has already won . Know that He is and will always be victorious over suffering and death . YOU belong to Christ , who has purchased your salvation with His unending love . So when you are suffering , walk with Christ and his mother up to Calvary and share in his cross , but always remember that his suffering leads to the hope of new life and there is always a reason to rejoice ! Tagged catholic , death , easter , faith , hope , joy , love , mothers , prayer , resurrectionLeave a comment Let 's talk about the D - word ! February 21 , 2016February 21 , 2016 by magdalenehouseblog , posted in Blog Posts , Uncategorized Ha . No - not that ' D ' word . The other one . But , I 'm here to tell you friends , discernment is not just for those big ticket items on the list of our lives . In Paul 's first letter to the Thessalonians he says , " Do not quench the Spirit ; do not despise prophesying , but test everything . Hold fast to what is good and abstain from what is evil . " Test EVERYTHING . Everything in our lives needs discernment . Paul told us not to quench the Spirit who thirsts to be a part of our lives . God wants to be a part of ALL of our decisions . He wants to permeate our lives . I am not saying take an hour to pray about what you 're going to eat for lunch , but we are , on some level , supposed to take our decisions to God and ask him to conform them to HIS will - not the other way around . God is most likely not going to call you up on your cell phone to tell you what college you should go to , who to date , what to give up for lent ( Netflix . It 's a struggle , y ' all . ) , how to find a new job , where to live , or how to remove or change a negative relationship in your life . I do not doubt God 's power - He can do whatever He wants , but His preferred mode of communication from the beginning has typically been in ' the whisper ' and not in ' the earthquake ' and delaying decisions for long amounts of time while waiting for Him to come down in a big booming voice and hand you the answer is probably not the most practical thing to do . Don 't get me wrong - we can 't discern impulsively either ( Applying for a missionary year a few days after your boyfriend breaks up with you - probably not a prudent decision . Lucky for me , God works all things for the good those who love him , am I right ? ) When it comes to our plans , why are we so hell bent on grabbing the cookie jar for ourselves ? God wants to give us every gift possible in this life and for eternity but how can we receive that if we are trying to grasp at the things we only think will make us happy ? - because let 's be honest , we never really know for sure . We have to detach from what we want and trust that our Father in heaven will give us what we need . Detachment takes trust . We have to trust that God isn 't going to force us into something that we absolutely do not want to do . He doesn 't want to fill his seminaries and convents with people who hate the idea of that vocation just for the sake of filling them . He 's not trying to trick you into doing his bidding at the expense of your happiness . We just need to take our blinders off to allow God to bring clarity into our lives . His clarity won 't affect us if we 're not going to see past our own plans . We have to detach first to be able to discern anything . For those of us who are in / have gone to college - you know that you have to walk through the door to figure out if you 're in the right class or not on the first day . Sometimes , you have to sit through the whole thing before you realize … ) . I can 't give you an exact blow by blow of discernment because it is different for everyone - but I can say that once you move , God is better able to open doors for you or shut them . You will begin to either have a sense of peace or a sense of discontentment or anxiety . You may see where God is leading you after a few hypothetical steps forward , or you may need to go even farther than that before you realize , but be assured that God has you where you are for a purpose , even if He doesn 't allow you to see it all the way through . At the end of my junior year of college , I began to work on getting into Grad school for counseling . That was always the plan . I registered for the GRE , bought the practice book , and then a few months later realized I had absolutely no desire to do it and it wasn 't just senioritis kicking in . I took it to prayer and realized I was filled with this huge anxiety - I was trying to shove my life into this little tiny box labeled " My plan " and I didn 't want to let any of it go , but it was exhausting to hold on to it all . It took me a while but I eventually realized that God 's plan for me was a lot more freeing than my tiny little box . I could look back on it from where I am now , and say that I wasted my time getting a bachelors in Psych only to become a youth minister with no plans of pursuing counseling , but I know that God brought me through that stage of my life for a purpose . It was necessary . Take a step back and analyze what is happening . Do you have peace , or not ? Is what you are doing bringing you closer to God , or not ? If it doesn 't feel right , chances are you need to go back to the drawing board and make adjustments . But eventually , as you detach from your will , and move , and pray , and reflect - God will get you where you need to be . In His time . Not yours . Whatever you are discerning , big things or little things , do not fear making the wrong decision . Fear is not of God . " The goal of all of our undertakings should be not so much a task perfectly completed as the accomplishment of the will of God . " - St . Therese of the child Jesus and the Holy Face If we place Christ at the center of our lives , we no longer have to rely on our imperfect nature but Christ 's perfection , and His perfect love casts out all fear and doubt . If we bring Christ into the center of our decisions and act WITH him rather than without him , we don 't need to worry - He WILL make straight our paths . Tagged 5girlsandablog , catholic , christian , D - word , Discernment , prayer1 Comment HAPPY BIRTHDAY RITA ! February 14 , 2016February 14 , 2016 by magdalenehouseblog , posted in Extras , Uncategorized Happy Birthday to one of our blog contributors , best friend , and sister - Rita ! ! ! We love you so much - here is your own personal music video ! " Even now " He says . Even when you are feeling at your messiest . Even when you feel your weakest . Even when you feel everything is out of control . He says { Now } . Right now . Not when you have your life cleaned up , under control , and presentable . He says { Now } . " Return to me with your whole heart . " Not just the pretty parts , the ones you have perfected . He wants everything , the wounds , brokenness , and messiness as well as the good , clean , and strong parts . Your { whole } heart . Leave a comment February 9 , 2016February 9 , 2016 by magdalenehouseblog , posted in Extras Finally , you are one with Jesus as the body is one with the head . You must , then , have one breath with him , one soul , one life , one will , one mind , one heart . And he must be your breath , heart , love , life , your all . Well , we do realize that it is kind of a strange name for a blog but it has a special meaning for us . I can pin - point the night that the sisterhood of these women who contribute to this blog began . We were all friends , of course , but driving home from an Audrey Assad concert the Holy Spirit moved and we began to talk about our desire for intentional relationships in our life . We began to talk about finding a place for all of us to live together in community , so that not only could we help each other grow in our relationships with God but we could welcome others into that home to find a place of rest , of comfort , a place to be and to be loved . We decided that we would name the house the Magdalene house - partially because the girls humored my ( Hailey 's ) obsession with Mary Magdalene , my patron saint , and partially because of the example that she sets for us . She was a woman who was welcomed back into the arms of the Lord despite her brokeness , a woman who left everything to follow him to the ends of the earth , a woman who proclaimed the good news of His resurrection , and who lived in community with his apostles and the Blessed Mother . What a great example of a powerful woman of God ! We decided to pray a novena to help us find this house , but through much prayer and a lack of affordable houses we began to see that it was not God 's will for us to live in this ' Magdalene House . ' But instead of the house , the Lord began a greater work in us instead . This group of women , small at first , began to seek out intentional relationships with one another and were then empowered to welcome others in . Over the course of the last two years we have grown not only in size but in love . Through our little intentional community we have been able to love each other in good times and in bad , to pray with one another , to seek goodness , beauty , and truth together in all things . And here we are . Two years ago , it was not time for us to have our Magdalene House , but now we feel the Lord has called us back to the idea in a different way . We decided amongst the 5 of us to start a blog - to share the beauty , truth , and goodness that we see in our daily lives with the world . To welcome the stranger , not into a physical home , but into the home of our hearts and our community . To carry out the basis of the mission of the Magdalene House that we originally came up with that night in a car on the highway . And the Lord has been so faithful to preserve that desire in us over the last few years . We can 't wait to see the plan that He has for us through this little blog , but we dedicate all of it for His glory through the Blessed Mother and St . Mary Magdalene 's intercession .
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As America emerged from WWII , the practical , thrifty , and reasonable folk who surrounded me considered it poor form to put on airs , and very few did . The fathers went to work , the mothers cleaned their houses , and the children completed school projects and chores before playing outdoors until suppertime . The sun rose , the sun set , and the days ' comfortable routines were punctuated by comfortable , routine meals . In those days , chickens - purchased whole and cut up at home - always were fried . Tuna hot dish , as much a staple of midwestern life as Garrison Keillor 's humor suggests , was considered perfectly acceptable , as were salads of lime jello mixed with crushed pineapple and cottage cheese . Celery and carrot sticks served as appetizers , and anything with ice cream on top qualified as a fancy dessert . Pedestrian , it may have been : yet it filled a need , and everyone was satisfied . In truth , all of my childhood needs were satisfied . If I needed school supplies , we went shopping . When I outgrew my best shoes , they were replaced . A remarkable seamstress , my mother made sure that I had pretty clothes for school , and my father always was available to fix a broken roller skate , or replace a damaged bicycle tire . On the other hand , if I wanted licorice , water colors , or comic books , I had to save . In those days , everyone had a coin jar for spare change , a little box for pennies , or a serious piggy bank for more serious saving . Made of metal , with removable plates so tightly screwed down few children could get them undone without assistance , the piggy banks even looked serious . Only a determined child with passionate arguments could persuade ever - so - thrifty parents that it was time to tap the funds , and I rarely was persuasive . With Aunt T , there was no need to be persuasive . She loved the grand gesture , and the extravagant gift . We may have been tuna hot dish , but T was bouillabaisse . While our roots held us to the cornfields of Iowa , T moved to Manhattan and put down roots on West 16th Street , at the very edge of the dissipation and weirdness we imagined to be Greenwich Village . In time , she married a man from New Jersey . Tall , slender , and taciturn , my uncle was the very opposite of my aunt , who resembled nothing so much as a plump , perfumed steamroller . They traveled in airplanes and vacationed at the Jersey Shore , and when they abandoned their romantic , East Coast life to sweep back into town for a visit , everyone in four counties knew they 'd arrived . T doted on me . She arrived with hugs , kisses , and wonderful gifts : salt - water taffy from Coney Island , or Drost chocolate in the shape of wooden shoes . One Christmas , there was a wonderful pop - up book filled with jungle animals and princesses ; another brought my first bottle of perfume . But no matter what I unwrapped , it always came with a card . The five - dollar bill tucked inside invariably was accompanied by a hand - written note directed to my parents : " Let her spend this on what she wants . Don 't make her stick it into that pig . " Eventually , I began to amass capital in earnest , picking up fifty cents here or a dollar there by performing small chores . One month I earned ten dollars , and mentioned the fact to my aunt during one of her visits . She asked how I intended to spend the money , and I said I didn 't know . When Christmas arrived that year , the holiday mail brought a box from New York much larger than usual . I opened it to find another box inside . Beautifully wrapped , it didn 't rattle , or swish , or clunk . In fact , it didn 't make a sound , and it seemed weightless . I couldn 't imagine what it was . Finally allowed to open my gift on Christmas Eve , I squealed with delight . It was Aunt T 's version of a piggy bank : a delicate , bejeweled , and floral - encrusted elephant with a rubber stopper in the bottom that could be easily removed without adult supervision . This time , the accompanying note was for me . " Put this next to your piggy bank , " she wrote . " When you earn a dollar , put half into your pig for things you 'll need , but put half into your new elephant , for things that will make you happy . " In time , the toys , the games and the dolls - the traditional pleasures of a young girl 's childhood - slowly dropped away , but the jeweled elephant remained . Today , she sits on my dresser , and travels with me during hurricane evacuations : cosseted and coddled in bubble wrap and towels as befits a true treasure . She 's lost her rubber stopper , and one rhinestone is missing from a back foot , but it hardly matters . Her importance isn 't as a functional bank , but as a reminder of a kind and generous woman . A serious , somewhat reserved and shy child , I sometimes viewed my aunt with a certain ambivalence : unsure whether she would arrive as a breath of fresh air or as a tornado bent on destruction . What I never doubted was that she embraced life with eagerness and appreciation , or that other adults sometimes seemed inclined to diminish her influence in my life . " Oh , that 's just T , " they 'd say . " That 's just the way she is . Don 't pay any attention to her . " Of course I did pay attention to her then , just as I attend to her memory today . Living in a world where it can be easy to forget the importance of pleasure , not to mention the pleasure of extravagance , I think of her as I watch friends , acquaintances , and perfect strangers become increasingly fearful , living out increasingly constricted and measured lives . Watching , it occurs to me that we are losing what my aunt possessed in abundance : true , good - natured humor ; the willingness to risk foolishness ; and an appreciation for the grand and expansive gesture . Fearful of using the wrong phrase , eating the wrong food , supporting the wrong cause - eager to make only correct and useful choices - we 're beginning to look more and more like my pig , and less and less like my elephant . Auntie T , bejeweled and sparkling with joie de vivre , seemed always to be on the side of expansiveness and life , not to mention the exuberant , uncalculated gesture . Her wisdom , neither dour nor prescriptive , always came with a smile , and never suggested it might have come at a cost . And yet my aunt hadn 't always been the happy , sparkling woman I knew . Parents , grandparents , and an assortment of other relatives and neighbors - for reasons I only can surmise - concealed part of her story for decades . Every family , it seems , has its secrets . < Previous AttentivenessNext > Auntie T and Anti - T ~ Part II 113 thoughts on " Auntie T and Anti - T ~ Part I " Omar Upegui R . says : August 14 , 2016 at 12 : 17 pm Your brief introduction of Julia Childs brought memories of her and her popularity on television . I never saw her TV show , but I did see the film , " Julie and Julia " , starring Meryl Streep as Julia Childs . Her performance was absolutely outstanding . I know what you mean by living a constrained life with very little humor and calculated risks . That 's who I am . My wife is more cheerful and full of what you describe as the joy of living ( Joie de - vivre ) . Being so different , we compliment each other smoothly . Maybe living on my own most of my life , molded me this way . I was trusted to a friend of my parents in Panama City while attending high - school . During that time , I was on my own and took my own decisions . I even signed my report card , since my parents lived about 600 kilometers away from the capital city in a United Fruit 's banana plantation called Changuinola . Reply shoreacres says : August 14 , 2016 at 6 : 59 pm " Julie and Julia " was a wonderful film . I 've seen it twice , myself , and enjoyed it thoroughly . I think the saying about opposites attracting has truth to it : at least as much as the birds - of - a - feather point of view . My paternal grandmother and grandfather were opposites in a multitude of ways . My father and mother were quite different , too . When it gets interesting , of course , is when those opposites exist in a single individual . Just last night , I was talking with a different aunt about her journey from my great - aunt 's house in Baton Rouge back to Iowa after a visit . She made most of the journey by train , and by herself , in the middle of wartime . She was about twelve or thirteen , and no one thought much about it . There are youngsters of that age today who barely can find their way to school . I laughed at you signing your own report card . I had a friend who tried to pull that off after receiving a couple of bad grades . It didn 't work out very well for her . Reply Jean R . says : August 14 , 2016 at 12 : 32 pm What a wonderful and interesting tribute to your aunt . Your description of your childhood could almost be generic in the way many of us remember ours . I know I identify with much of what you wrote about your family . It really is too bad that some people are fearful and too serious today . Reply shoreacres says : August 14 , 2016 at 7 : 44 pm Despite the ridicule the era takes , it was a good time to grow up . Of course there were social ills , economic dislocation , and all of the other vagaries of modern life . My mother 's mother died when Mom was sixteen , and my dad 's father was injured in a slate fall in a coal mine and never worked again . But the family ties were strong - precisely how strong , I never realized . But more about that in the next post . Reply GP Cox says : August 14 , 2016 at 1 : 00 pm Aunt T had a great idea with giving you the elephant bank . It serves to keep the child satisfied , but also teaches to save . Gee , I sure wish I had appreciated those routine days of childhood more ! When mom said , " Stay as young as you can for as long as you can . " - she sure wasn 't kidding ! ! Reply shoreacres says : August 14 , 2016 at 7 : 54 pm Keeping a child satisfied is not always an easy task , but satisfied I was . Teaching a child to save isn 't the easiest thing in the world , either , but I learned that lesson well . My aunt helped , but my father played his part , going with me to the bank every week as I deposited my twenty - five cents into my Christmas savings account , and had the passbook stamped . Digital is convenient , for sure . But a real trip to a real bank , to put away real money , and watch the teller stamp a real passbook ? Those are the sorts of experiences that shape children for a lifetime . Reply becca givens says : August 14 , 2016 at 1 : 30 pm What a DE - Lightful reminisce . I had an aunt ( my dad 's sister ) who was very similar and full of tales ! Thank you for sharing . We did get some rain last night , but today 's been essentially dry . In Houston proper , and just north , they received inches of rain , and there still are flash flood watches here and there . I 've got my fingers crossed for tomorrow - we need it , too . Reply shoreacres says : August 14 , 2016 at 8 : 10 pm I suspect there are more of them than we realize , Terry - some related by blood , and some not . In many cultures - and even in the American South - ' aunt ' and ' uncle ' are used as terms of affection and respect for people who play important familial roles . The beauty of that is that the pool of potential Aunt Ts can grow rather large ! Reply Debbie says : August 14 , 2016 at 2 : 04 pm I think I 'd have liked your Aunt T , Linda . I , too , was a serious , studious child , yet a big part of me craved the whimsical . Her gift of the bejeweled elephant - and the wise words she tucked within it - speak to my inner being . I guess I 'm the kind of person who , if I have two coins to my name , I 'll spend one on bread and the other on a rose ! Another thing - isolated as we are in the Midwest , we tend to find it " exotic " when someone we know lives in a faraway , expensive city . I had one uncle living in Chicago and another in London , both places that my child 's mind saw as magical . Oh , the stories ! Reply shoreacres says : August 14 , 2016 at 8 : 51 pm Everything is relative , Debbie - even the definition of exotic . New York , Chicago , and London certainly fit the bill , but I can remember thinking of Omaha and Des Moines as pretty darned exotic . Even places like Lake Okoboji - part of the so - called Iowa Great Lakes - were outside of my experience . The lakes seemed so far away , and yet they couldn 't have been more than a couple of hours ' drive . On a bad day , it can take me that long to get to the other side of Houston . Whimsical is the perfect word to describe many of the experiences I shared with my aunt . She loved a good joke , and she loved to be amused , but her humor had a tenderness to it . It never was meant to cause pain , and people seemed to know it . Reply Linda Hillin says : August 14 , 2016 at 2 : 06 pm I was fortunate to have an " Aunt T " in my life . Oh my , I did love lime jello with pineapple and cottage cheese . Wonder if I would still like it today ? Reply shoreacres says : August 14 , 2016 at 9 : 25 pm I can report that as recently as six years ago , I still liked it . My mom was no fan of arugula or planked salmon , so during the years I was cooking for her , tuna hot dish and a whole variety of jello salads were the order of the day . My personal fav always was the one with spiced grapes and pears , but I 'm sticking with the fresh greens now that I 'm back to cooking for one . Reply zoobeefoo says : August 14 , 2016 at 2 : 15 pm Mine was " Mama Jewel " - my great aunt whose first name was indeed Jewel . Crazy , wonderful , wise , impulsive , and everything in between . This is a lovely blog that you have written . Reply shoreacres says : August 14 , 2016 at 9 : 38 pm I just had a look at your blog about John Sebastian , and stopped at this : " Protected from almost anything unpleasant in my family of origin , I knew no details . " That sort of protection was more common than I realized : although to what end , I 'm still not certain . In any event , I 'm glad you enjoyed this , and i suspect you 'll enjoy Part II , as well . To paraphrase Annie Dillard , the world is wilder than we can imagine : more dangerous and bitter , more extravagant and bright . I think the elephant and the symbolism of its size was equal to your aunt 's generous nature . I 'm eager for your next post . I know it 'll be very interesting . Reply shoreacres says : August 14 , 2016 at 10 : 12 pm I won 't say that all of my aunts and uncles were perfect . They weren 't , and one uncle ( now departed ) turned out to be a bit of a scoundrel . But they all were good to me , and family gatherings were great fun . One of the surprises I experienced while working my way through the whole of this story was how my aunt 's appearance changed over the years . I 'd never seen photos of her in her twenties . Now I have , and you will , too . She started out slender , and ended up less so . Of course , she gained a Jersey accent , too . When I listened to her talk with my uncle , it seemed wonderful . Years later , I began watching The Godfather films , and burst out laughing when I remembered my uncle , cigar in hand , telling me that he was " in garbage . " I don 't even want to know . Reply petspeopleandlife says : August 14 , 2016 at 11 : 19 pm Oh dear . Characters , I suppose makes for good stories . Reply Tamara says : August 14 , 2016 at 5 : 07 pm You mean you 're going to make me wait until Part two ! That is not fair - I really did enjoy reading what I did , and I loved your pig and elephant . Did you keep your piggy bank ? I love stories of such as your aunt , they always seem to have this elusiveness about them . But then again , when you 're a child , almost everything seem dreamy like . Don 't make us wait too long ! I want to know what happens to your Aunt T . Reply shoreacres says : August 15 , 2016 at 7 : 28 am Unfortunately , I don 't have the piggy bank . In fact , I don 't know what happened to it . I 'm just glad I still have the elephant . It stayed at my parents house for many years , while I was moving around from place to place , but when we sold the house and Mom moved to Kansas City , I finally reclaimed it . Reply kaytisweetlandrasmussen83 says : August 14 , 2016 at 5 : 22 pm Oh I 'm in love with Aunt T already . Your wonderful childhood is what we tried to give our two girls , and I hope they remember it as fondly as you do your own . I have to admit my " Auntieness " ( new word ) was patterned by Auntie Mame , and there again , I hope they have pleasant memories of me from their youth . Your wonderful elephant is a treasure indeed . These things were not part of my own childhood during the Great Depression , and day to day living was at times rather hectic , especially and because of , our nearly annual moving at the insistence of the Military . But all memories are precious and we need to cherish them . Reply shoreacres says : August 15 , 2016 at 7 : 46 am Knowing what I do of your childhood and youth , and the wonderful life that you and Dr . Advice built for yourself , I don 't see how the good memories won 't outweigh any unpleasant ones : substantially , I should say . Of course , I could cherry - pick other memories and present a different kind of childhood , but that would lead to a strange sort of untruthfulness . No life is perfect , after all , but mine was very , very good - although it did irritate me beyond words that my mother wanted me to resemble Shirley Temple . You 're just enough older than me that your experience of the Great Depression was more immediate , but it certainly affected my parents and the family as a whole . The year 1938 loomed large in my research for the next post , and I was astonished to find that the National Guard had been called into my home town during that year because of labor problems at the Maytag plant . My parents didn 't live in Newton yet . That wouldn 't come until about 1944 , when Dad was hired by Maytag . Still , I didn 't know anything about that strife until I read about it last week . I think a whole town probably was ready to move on . Reply gerard oosterman says : August 14 , 2016 at 6 : 14 pm To be without restraint seems a reasonable aim provided no one gets hurt . I feel my mother 's sister Aunt Agnes somewhat filled that bill . She never married but as a teacher many of her students were in fact her children . So was I . The best part was her cutting out the strips of Erik De Noorman and posting them to me . People lined the streets ten rows thick . As a child I had no chance of being able to see her . Aunt Agnes anticipated my problem and had bought a contraption by which it was possible , through a series of little mirrors , to lift the view above those of the people blocking it . Reply shoreacres says : August 15 , 2016 at 7 : 58 am I had to smile at your comment about being without restraint , Gerard . It 's true that a lack of restraint can lead to trouble , but it 's also true that a quite remarkable degree of restraint helped to preserve my relationship with my special aunt . I 'd never heard of Erik De Noorman , but I see he had a wife named Winonah . That caught my attention , since family members lived for a time in Winona , Minnesota . There 's no connection between the two names that I could find , but sometimes the sound of words alone is enough to trigger memories . Your Aunt Agnes sounds very much like one of my great - aunts , named Rilla . Also single , and also a teacher , she looks stern and imperious in the one photo I have , but my mother adored her . I 'm not sure she was as clever as Agnes , though . Anyone who can provide a child a view of a parade is to be admired . Reply oneta hayes says : August 14 , 2016 at 8 : 04 pm I have lovely nieces and handsome nephews - from whom I received my " Aunt Neno " and " Aunt Nonee " names . I believe I hold a special place in their hearts , but , alas , it is nothing like Aunt T . I 'm more of a " she would never give us a quarter for the gum machine " person . But fortunately I did over hear a grandchild say , " if you need fifty dollars , she will give it to you , but she won 't give you a quarter for the gum machine . " That is piggy bank for sure , not glitzy elephant ! I do have a sister , however , who is glitzy elephant . She is Pied Piper with love drops in her path . I sometimes wish … . And while it 's true that T was a perfect aunt for a child , another aunt became far more important later in life . That " other " aunt , my mother 's baby sister , provided stability , insight into that side of the family , and a lot of phone support while I was adjusting to becoming my mother 's primary caretaker . Different ages , different needs . We 're blessed when we can meet them all . Reply oneta hayes says : August 16 , 2016 at 5 : 05 pm My sister had three children . The second named me Aunt Neno ; when the third arrived , she did the switch to Aunt Nonee . The others just went along with one or the other . I 'm grandma to most of my greats but I have one who calls me Grandma Nene . On the gum machine : One time I refused the quarter , but when we got in the car I drove over to the dollar store and got a sack of gum balls for a dollar . The girls were impressed . But only until they were back with mama and daddy walking by a gum machine , I suspect ! Reply shoreacres says : August 17 , 2016 at 7 : 18 pm That 's fun , about the names . And it 's a little startling to remember that the gum ball machines in my day were only a nickel - and you got several gum balls for that nickel . Ah , me . I rarely fed the gum ball machines , though . I couldn 't chew gum . I always swallowed it . It seemed like such a waste of money , I just quit , and went with penny candy , instead . Reply Bella Rum says : August 14 , 2016 at 9 : 44 pm Your Aunt T reminds me of my Aunt Kay . Aunt K was not a blood relation but one of my mother 's best friends . She knew a thing or two about kids . Your elephant is a lovely thing , and your Aunt T sounds like a treasure . I watched Julie and Julia yesterday . I searched her almond chocolate cake recipe today . I have to make it . She knew how to live . Reply shoreacres says : August 15 , 2016 at 9 : 01 am I was surprised to find the chocolate almond cake so simple . No wonder it 's so popular . It cracked me up to discover that she began her tv series with boeuf bourguignon . As she said , " it teaches you so many important techniques of French cooking . " Well , yes . It also was a bit of a blast from the past to discover the series was sponsored by S & H Green Stamps . She certainly did know how to live . You 'll enjoy this 1989 interview . It includes this gem : " I 'm afraid if we don 't get out of this terrible food - fear hysteria , " she says over salad , " it will be the death of gastronomy . " In case the word " gastronomy " conjures up a picture of a puffy - eyed , red - nosed blimp wallowing in wine and pork fat , a description of Julia at 77 might be helpful . Despite the fact that she refuses to touch oat bran , here is a robust , slim , vastly energetic presence who not only washes her own car and writes her own copy but answers her own phone , cleans her own lettuce and does her own dishes . Watching her work , it 's hard to argue with her philosophy of food - as - pleasure . " Reply Janet Sunderland says : August 14 , 2016 at 10 : 02 pm Anxiously awaiting the next installment . This is the sort of Auntie I 've come to be although not because of example . My aunts were all taciturn sorts of do - it - because - it - needs - done women . But I do remember my great - aunts being somewhat merrier and sitting around the quilting frame with my grandmother , laughing and telling stories . It was from my grandmother I learned my love of cooking . And my Julia Child 's cookbook is still treasured in my bookshelf of cookbooks . Reply shoreacres says : August 15 , 2016 at 9 : 32 am They say that talent skips generations . I wonder if that includes a talent for sociability and merriment ? Of course , circumstances shape our responses , too , and age brings both perspective and wisdom . Well : sometimes it does . Reply shoreacres says : August 15 , 2016 at 9 : 34 am Thanks , Nia . One reason I enjoy writing these blog entries is that , if my own memory ever starts to fail , I 'll be able to remember what I 've forgotten ! Reply southamptonoldlady says : August 15 , 2016 at 5 : 40 am I must confess that I hadn 't heard of Julia Childs until I saw the film with Meryl Streep . It encouraged me to buy a small booklet of hers . I found it a wonderful read more than I would care to attempt her recipes . I do remember Fanny Craddock in Britain who must have tried to copy her almost . Lovely article - look forward to the next instalment Reply shoreacres says : August 15 , 2016 at 9 : 48 am Julia Child was such an important part of our lives for such a long time , it surprises me to hear that you didn 't know of her . On the other hand , I 've never heard of Fanny Craddock . After reading a bit about her , I 'd say that she and Julia were about as similar as my pig and my elephant : one mercurial , moody , and not always beloved , the other silly , self - deprecating , and unfailingly kind . In both cases , they surely did help to transform life in the kitchen , though . Like you , I was inspired by Child 's story and her approach to cooking more than I was inspired to try her recipes . On the other hand , when my mother wanted to make cream puffs , she always used Julia 's recipe . It never failed her . Reply Gallivanta says : August 15 , 2016 at 7 : 39 am I am waiting for the continuation …… . . aunts and uncles or those who fill that role in our lives are , on the whole , a wonderful lot . I also like the way in some cultures aunts and uncles have specific relationships to us eg my mother 's big sister would not only be my aunt she would be my big mother . And my father 's younger brother would be my little father . I think that must give a child a great deal of security . Now and then in Liberia , I 'd hear someone referred to as Auntie or Uncle : general terms of respect for an elder . Of course , Old Man and Old Woman also were used , and no disrespect was meant there , either . One of my co - workers at the hospital was known as Old Man Johnson . When I first heard that , I recoiled a little , but before long , I could use Old Man as easly as any other name . Reply shoreacres says : August 15 , 2016 at 8 : 29 pm I hadn 't heard a single word about Auntie Helen . It 's true that I 've been avoiding some media outlets due to a bit of weariness with national politics , but I suspect that U . S . media probably aren 't focusing on UN matters just now , anyway . It was great fun to read , and I did like the way she so gently - enlightened - the person whose panties were just slightly in a wad over such a derogatory ( or at least pedestrian ) term . Thanks for the article - I 'll pay more attention now . Reply Arti says : August 15 , 2016 at 11 : 45 am I see you 've seen " Julie and Julia " twice ? I 'm not a good cook and don 't aspire to be one , rarely follow recipes , so what appeals to me in that movie is the blogger . The new and the old in a delicious fusion . That 's what makes it work in today 's movies . Anyway , thanks for this tasty treat of a post . : ) Reply shoreacres says : August 15 , 2016 at 7 : 17 pm Isn 't that funny ? The only other films I 've watched twice in recent years are " Beasts of the Southern Wild " and " A Christmas Story . " With " Julie and Julia , " it wasn 't so much cooking or blogging that held the attraction , but Julia 's remarkable resemblance to my aunt . You 're right that the fusion of old and new - especially when done creatively - is a plus . In a way , a similar fusion lay at the heart of my aunt 's life . You 'll like it , I think . Love Auntie T . I had an aunt in my family with the best sense of humor . Actually lived with her my last semester of college . She had a story too I never knew . . a sad one for such a wonderful fun person . Hope Auntie T 's rest of the story is not sad ! Reply shoreacres says : August 17 , 2016 at 5 : 41 pm I 've split up posts into two or three " chapters " a couple of times . If there 's a natural way to do it , I think it 's much better than trying peoples ' patience with one long post . Besides , I only recently found more information about my aunt , and am having to absorb it before I can write about it . This time , the two parts are as much for me as for you ! There 's so much we don 't know about even those who are closest to us . I think it 's one of the things that makes genealogy so much fun ; it 's like putting together a puzzle , or solving a mystery . It 's the same when I walk a cemetery . If you read the stones closely , you can discover at least the tagline of every sort of interesting story . Of course , there can be some unpleasant surprises along the way , but that 's life , in all its complex glory ! Reply Judy says : August 17 , 2016 at 8 : 12 pm Well I certainly learned a lot about my family because I hung around my Grandmother in her latter days and this stuff just came up I never knew . It was kind of fun learning that my family wasn 't so darned perfect after all ! ! It made me view relatives as more than relatives but as flawed and wonderful human beings . In the best ways . Reply shoreacres says : August 17 , 2016 at 8 : 47 pm That 's how I 've come by some of my information - from an aunt who just passed 90 , and who says , quite frankly , " If you want to know anything , you 'd better ask , because I 'm not going to be here forever . " Honestly , I think she 's been more forthcoming since my mother 's death . She was my mother 's youngest sister - the baby of the family - and I 'm not sure she wanted to share some things while Mom was alive . Reply Steve Gingold says : August 17 , 2016 at 4 : 22 pm Putting on airs . That 's something that also never occurred to our family as my brother and I grew up . Someone may have been doing so , but I never noticed or gave it much thought . I am not sure putting on airs is looked upon very favorably by most still … although there are the Kardashians ( of course , I say that knowing only about them from the tabloids at the supermarket checkout line ) . We were raised in hard times , never having much extra but always enough . Although not nearly as extravagant as your Auntie T , I did have one cousin who always showed up with stories ( she traveled a bit and was assistant to Giancarlo Menotti and his Spoleto festivals ) and would assemble a dollar bill ring folded and placed on my finger . At that time a dollar was a treasure … back then we had penny candy and 10 cent admission to movies . Reply shoreacres says : August 17 , 2016 at 5 : 54 pm I 've heard about that episode , but never had seen it . I 'm glad I wasn 't planning on fried chicken livers with gravy for dinner ! ( I haven 't had those for years , but they were a favorite , back in the day . Yummy , really . ) Reply Steve Gingold says : August 17 , 2016 at 6 : 06 pm My dad had a deli and we sold chopped chicken liver . Later I worked at a Kosher grocery where " Bennie " had a secret recipe for them that he prepared behind locked doors . Not sure that was necessary , but it was good and people would drive from miles around to buy them every Sunday morning by the quart to last all week . Reply shoreacres says : August 17 , 2016 at 6 : 27 pm Now that you mention the chopped chicken liver , I 'm remembering the Swedish " Leverpastej " that always was a part of our holidays . It was made with pork liver , and it was quite tasty , especially on crisp bread . Most of the time , though , we made do with the commercial products , just because the real thing was such a pain to make . Well - my grandmother didn 't think it was a pain , but my mom wasn 't about to get involved with a process like that . Reply shoreacres says : August 17 , 2016 at 6 : 13 pm You met the elephant bank on your blog , back on June 22 . You 'd posted about the small forget - me - nots . I finally figured out that they reminded me of the flowers on the elephant , and added a photo with my comment . " Putting on airs " is rather an old - fashioned expression , but I know people who do it today . The behavior 's the same , even if the name has changed . It seems to be more common in the female of the species , and often involves name - dropping ( clothing designers , or high end resorts ) or an insatiable urge to be seen only at the best restaurants . Passing for lbue collar as I do , I have some wonderful stories . That 's quite a gig your cousin had . My , goodness - I 'm sure the stories flowed pretty freely . That was only part of her career . She also was a grant reader for the National Endowment for the Arts and business manager for Twyla Tharp and a ballet theater ( I don 't remember which one … see : - ) ) And now produces an opera that is under constant performance , I think , in Bali . Reply shoreacres says : August 18 , 2016 at 7 : 12 am That opera must be quite a production . Apart from the plot , the music , the lighting , and all of that , it was fascinating to get a glimpse into Bugis society . It 's another reminder that simply saying something is an Indonesian belief isn 't any more appropriate than saying something is African . There 's more than a few thousand miles lying between the rain forest and the veldt . Reply WOL says : August 17 , 2016 at 9 : 18 pm Seems your Aunt T had a touch of Mame , something we could all use . I watch a TV show called Tiny House Nation , and one of the main reasons given for people moving into a tiny house is to concentrate less on things , and more on experiences . They want fewer things to care for and pay for , and more funds to spend on going places and doing things . Being larger than life has its perils but it has its pleasures , too . An idle thought , here : it 's not necessary to move into a tiny house to live more simply , or to prefer experiences to things . We have far more control over our lives than we sometimes like to acknowledge . Don 't like television programming ? Turn it off . Feeling overwhelmed by social media ? Disengage . Depressed by clutter ? Clear it out . Rinse as repeat , as necessary . Reply WOL says : August 23 , 2016 at 5 : 45 am Mostly why people move into tiny houses is to simplify their finances , as in , it 's easier to come up with $ 30 , 000 to $ 50 , 000 to build a tiny house and own it free and clear as soon as it is finished , than it is to saddle oneself with thirty years worth of mortgage payments on $ 300 , 000 or $ 700 , 000 or some other ridiculously large sum to live in an American Dream house with 3 bedrooms , 4 baths , a huge time - eating yard , and big utility payments , not to mention both spouses having to work the type of jobs it would take to bring in that kind of income . The savings in time and money it takes to pay for and maintain such properties can then be put to use traveling , experiencing , etc . - and most tiny houses are built on trailers and are provided with hookups like RV 's or else are equipped to go off - grid . Reply shoreacres says : August 23 , 2016 at 7 : 24 pm Granted , re : the financial angle . And as for those huge houses - well , I suppose . But I 'd be moving into one of the smaller apartments here tomorrow if it weren 't for the view I have . Eventually , I 'll have to downsize , too , because of finances , but as long as I can keep working , I 'm dedicating a goodly portion of my income to my water view . Reply Maria F . says : August 17 , 2016 at 9 : 34 pm I also saw the movie " Julie and Julia " years ago . I also love the floral - encrusted elephant your aunt gave you ! I have a blog pending which was going to deal with all these type of toys and memorabilia ( mainly toys though ) such as that elephant , but the world of plants has overpowered me . The blog is still up but has been very slow . Just one of those things , and I do have a collection of classic toys , but I will need more time still . Reply shoreacres says : August 18 , 2016 at 7 : 34 am I followed your toy blog some time ago , when you first mentioned it . I enjoyed looking through it , but it 's a fact of life that we can 't do everything - or , as I like to say , we can do it all , we just can 't do it all at the same time . A day has only twenty - four hours , and once I take out the hours necessary for work , sleep , and general life maintenance ( meals , cat - petting , housecleaning , and so on ) there aren 't many hours left . Either writing , or reading , or photography could easily eat up every one of them . Decisions , decisions ! Still , there are overlaps . It was Steve Gingold 's posting of these small forget - me - nots that reminded me of the elephant . So , in a way , it was flowers that led to this post - at least , at this time . Reply Sheryl says : August 17 , 2016 at 9 : 50 pm What a cliff hanger ! I can hardly wait to read the rest of her story . I enjoyed reading about Aunt T , and the wonderful memories you have of her . I like how she told you to split your money between the pig bank and the one she gave you . . . a wise woman . Reply shoreacres says : August 18 , 2016 at 7 : 43 am She was wise . When you read the rest of her story , that advice to provide for both needs and wants will make even more sense . As so often happens , a few more facts can help to make sense of life 's little mysteries . Reply Cheri says : August 17 , 2016 at 11 : 44 pm These days , those days you recall , are gone . Who has the time to wait for jello to congeal ? Your sweet story of Aunt T recalls days , time , and intentions that , unless you are Amish , vaporize into the helter - skelter frenetic pace that we have wrought . Oh sure , there are still parlors and crocheted throws , dandelions blowing over vast prairies , and Friday - night barn dances … but in populated centers ( where we live ) the story is tattoos , road rage , and mulit - cultural mish - mash that threatens the slow , simple , and American fabric we hoped would knit together . Reply shoreacres says : August 18 , 2016 at 8 : 01 am Those days aren 't gone at all . They survive perfectly well , at least here and there . I hear reports and see evidence of that helter - skelter , frenetic pace you mention every day , but I don 't live it . As a matter of fact , neither do my friends , or most of those I know from work . I bump up against it from time to time ( Houston traffic - aggressive , rude , and nasty - comes to mind , along with the occasional mugging or assault ) but so much that was good in my childhood ( hand - written notes , home - cooked meals , telephone calls rather than texts or Facebook posts , Sunday afternoon drives , watching the sun go down ) still are part of my life . Who has time to wait for Jello to congeal ? My first thought was a wry one : those who want Jello shots for the party . But my more serious response is : those who are willing to take the time . Reply thisdiamondring says : August 18 , 2016 at 4 : 31 pm This is just perfect . I have had a huge disruption in my life ( note new blog , which I have yet to post to … ) and my parents have come through like parents , and my aunts have come through - like Aunt T . The . Best . Reply shoreacres says : August 18 , 2016 at 8 : 03 pm I 'm new follower # 2 , and I just had an amazing time dipping into one of the blogs in your sidebar . Let 's just say it left me laughing , feeling old , and mystified by certain acronyms I couldn 't figure out . I 'll work on that . The thing about disruptions is , they 're so disruptive . Good that you had your aunts running interference , or serving as backup , or just being there . I only have one aunt left in my life , and when she 's gone , I suspect I 'll feel orphanhood even more than I did when my mother died . But on we go . Glad the post came at a good time for you . I 'll be looking forward to whatever comes next , over your way . " Putting on airs " - always liked that phrase . Still use it from time to time despite few probably know what it means now . My very old Grandmother was so Aunti Mame - in fact she took me to see that movie . ( We always went to see a movie at Christmas , but rarely any other time . ) Grandmother rarely came to visit , which was mainly my mother 's doing - as if she was trying to prevent my contact with those sparkling eyes , independence , and bubbling adventurous attitude - maybe seeing the two of us had far too much in common . ( OK sitting quietly over here waiting for the rest … . there 's quite a crowd over here … waiting … ) Reply shoreacres says : August 18 , 2016 at 9 : 05 pm " Diamonds on the Soles of her Shoes " is one of my favorites from the " Graceland " album , and one of the best renditions ever is from Simon 's African concert . Every time I remember that concert , I have to listen to " Under African Skies " . It makes me happy - and a little nostalgic . Here 's what I have to know - did you and your grandmother sing " We Need a Little Christmas " together ? I 'll bet you did . it never occurred to me until just now that Mame and Aunt T both lived in Manhattan - although it was rent control , not wealth , that allowed my aunt to keep living on West 16th . She still was living there on 9 / 11 . I 'll never know how I managed to get through to her by phone that morning , but I did . No , we never sang , but sat at the dining room table and talked while polishing all the vintage silver pieces . Actually there was some weird dynamics between my mom and her mother . Mom never let a chance go by to ridicule and belittle grandmother . Only a few years ago did I find out Grandmother was much closer to her step daughter and children than us . We rarely saw her , but no real wonder with my mom . Dad and grandmother had a great time together - both appreciated humor and fine literature . Reply shoreacres says : August 20 , 2016 at 9 : 55 am Silver polishing . I can 't remember the last time I went through that ritual . Granted , I still have the family sterling , and swear to myself now and then that I 'm going to start using it . But the tea services , the trays , the bon - bon dishes ? All gone - sold , or given away , or sometimes shoved into the hands of people who didn 't want them any more than we did . I can feel nostalgic about a lot of things , but not the silver . As for life in Manhattan ? My aunt and uncle lived there , but apart from musicals , I honestly don 't think they engaged with the cultural world there . My uncle was a Jersey guy , and all of his family was in Jersey . They vacationed at the Jersey shore , and liked Coney Island . I 'm not even sure when or how they landed on West 16th , but they never moved because it was a rent - controlled property . I looked up the building online , and found there 's one apartment available there today - for only $ 3 , 380 / month . Reply philosophermouseofthehedge says : August 21 , 2016 at 3 : 47 pm Your aunt and uncle sound like a movie - Coney Island and all ? ( Have you seen Brooklyn ? Similar script ) Most of the silver - all those difficult to clean pieces - and the glittering Victorian cut glass . Like you , all given on to younger hands - who actually have admiration for old things and spots to keep it safe - out of Hurricane zone . Whew . Reply shoreacres says : August 21 , 2016 at 3 : 50 pm I still have the cut glass : mostly American Brilliant pieces . When I evacuate , I put it all in the dishwasher , and lock it . I figure if the house still is standing , it will be as safe there as anywhere . Mary Mageau says : August 19 , 2016 at 8 : 14 pm How how I love this essay . It carried me back to the good , safe , four square days of the 40s and 50s . I recall the terrible tuna bake recipe that began with … open a can of cream of mushroom soup . The menu you described was the very same one we were fed during those times . Despite its ridgid conventions many normal , happy families were nutured then , marriages were more stable , children found greater safety in which to run , to play and explore more freely . These times were so darned dull but had their bright side too . Now on to Auntie T . I love the joy and creativity she brought into your lives , and can hardly wait until the next installment when we discover her secret . Write on . I 'll be watching . Reply shoreacres says : August 20 , 2016 at 12 : 53 pm When I think of the number of recipes that required cream of mushroom soup - well , we need to remember the enthusiasm of our mothers was based in a certain reality . Being able to create dishes that were cheap , easy , and filling was a valued skill . I have one recipe left that calls for a can of cream of chicken soup with herbs - and the truth is , that chicken casserole always is a hit . I suppose it 's easy to look back and call those days dull , but I didn 't experience them that way . On the other hand , I did have a bit of wanderlust , and a desire to see more of the world than the cornfields surrounding me . I was lucky enough to begin doing that as early as high school - and to have a father who was 100 % supportive . My mother would have been quite happy to have me remain at home - I 'd put her down for 75 % supportive . Reply bluebrightly says : August 19 , 2016 at 8 : 45 pm Ah , your writing is just so easy and smooth … and readable ! ( I 'm envious ! ) My early experiences within home and family were surprisingly similar . You describe the balance between thrift and satisfying needs beautifully . I had a set of grandparents who were the Aunt T 's in my life , bringing gifts from around the world , and also living in Manhattan . Though they didn 't quite outwardly express or condone the joie de vivre your Aunt T did , they actually did embody it , to an extent . What a nice counterpoint that was to my smaller world . I watched . I learned ! I was particularly caught by your phrase : " I watched . I learned . " So much learning takes place in just that way , and it begins early . It 's one reason good YouTube videos can be helpful in learning particular tasks , even for big people . But when it comes to learning how to be a decent human being , having good models to watch is even more important . Your mention of those un - pinched lovers of life reminded me of Lawrence Durrell 's wonderful phrase from " The Alexandria Quartet " : " old women of both sexes . " In his context , it was a shortcut for describing humorless , constrained personalities with no capacity for play of any sort - let along acceptance of different perspectives . Today , the number of comedians who refuse to play college campuses is remarkable . It occurs to me now and then that a goodly portion of today 's college students are the humorless thought police that we used to rail against , half a century ago . Ironic . The same here . It is almost scary in the fact we will soon be the ' oldest ' generation in our families . If I am right , you do not have nephews and nieces , being an only child … but do you have younger cousins ? Reply shoreacres says : August 21 , 2016 at 7 : 25 am I have two cousins on my father 's side , both older , and three on my mother 's side . We 're all within five years of one another , so there 's no real baby in the family . My lone surviving aunt was born nine years after my mother , which helps to explain how it is that she 's still with us . As my great - aunt Rilla liked to say , " Tempus fidgets , " and we 're all a little more nervous than we used to be . It 's funny how those small gifts - the comic , the sixpence , my chocolate wooden shoes - stick in the mind . Of course we remember bigger gifts , too : my first bicycle comes to mind . But the delight of the small gifts always was far greater than their size . I always enjoyed my Christmas stocking as much as any other gift . I suspect now it was because the act of unwrapping was as important as the object itself , and a stocking allowed for more unwrapping ! I LOVED tuna noodle casserole , but my mother did NOT , so had to get it at school . Sigh . My mother made a jello salad that I loved too - with lime jello , apples , and cream cheese . I tried to make it myself , but it wasn 't the same . Reply shoreacres says : August 21 , 2016 at 7 : 34 am Now that I know the whole story of Aunt T , the elephant is even more precious - and meaningful . But that 's a flat tease , and I shouldn 't do that . I think I 'll have the second part up today , if all goes well , and then you 'll understand . You know , there were so many variations on that Jello - and - something theme , and most of them were pretty good . In the latter years , of course , Cool - Whip became a favored addition . I still remember a frozen dessert that involved fruit cocktail , nuts , little marshmallows , and whipped cream mixed up in some kind of Jello . Reply Curt Mekemson says : August 20 , 2016 at 2 : 14 pm " Don 't make her stick it into that pig . " Now there is a classic quote . As you might imagine , I feel a bit of kinship with Aunt T . , Linda . I 've always considered it something of a sacred responsibility to help my grandchildren , nieces , and nephews ( and other young people ) understand that there are alternatives in this world , that it is okay to be different , and that one of the most serious things in our lives is a sense of humor . I 've also always preached that they should do what they love . Come to think of it , maybe I am kind of a preachy fellow . Hmmm . : ) - Curt Reply shoreacres says : August 21 , 2016 at 8 : 03 am Isn 't that a funny line ? Apart from everything else , the fact that it 's endured all these years is a fine argument for written letters and notes rather than all - digital - all - the - time . Like book vs e - reader , there 's just something about picking up a real letter , unfolding it , and recognizing the handwriting that makes it even more pleasurable . Not only that , handwriting can be an important clue in the solving of mysteries - more on that in Part II . I laughed at your comment about preachiness . It sounds like you and your dad had a good bit in common , even if the content of the message differed in its details . The best humor , of course , has some depth to it , and is based on a pretty clear - eyed view of life . It 's not always easily won . Reply Curt Mekemson says : August 21 , 2016 at 11 : 47 am I can 't remember the last time I received a real letter , Linda . I still have letters from ages past , however . Every few years I pull them out and reread them . I wrote to my dad when I was out on the bike trek and he kept them . They have served an important role in reminding me of specific events . For the past 16 years I have kept a daily journal . What I did on any given day is at my fingertips ! Reply snowbird says : August 20 , 2016 at 3 : 02 pm How I enjoyed this , what a marvelous aunt ! I do like the idea of having a pig and an elephant , we do have to live a little , we only get one shot at this life and it isn 't a dress rehearsal . I 'm very much looking forward to part two , and finding out a little more about your aunt . xxx Reply shoreacres says : August 21 , 2016 at 8 : 29 am How right you are - we 'd best be living every day , because not a one of them is going to return . And while i sometimes ponder the tradeoffs I made , my lack of financial security now still seems better than what so many friends and acquaintances have experienced : putting off life until retirement , and then being physically or otherwise unable to fulfill their dreams . This came to mind just now , and gave me a laugh . I had a pig and an elephant , but you 've had a pige and a hog ( or a few ) . All of them have served their purposes , and given pleasure in the process . Reply Otto von Münchow says : August 20 , 2016 at 4 : 28 pm Your aunt T seems to have been quite a character . And her philosophy seems quite appropriate today , one pig for what you need and one elephant for what makes you happy . I think one thing that has changed it all today , though , is the abundance of things . We are never quite happy with anything any more . We have lost the ability to enjoy the smaller things in life . Back then we had to save and long for something . Today we just buy it , at least those of us who can afford . Reply shoreacres says : August 21 , 2016 at 8 : 39 am Even those who can 't afford the things they want have credit cards now - perhaps a minor plague on the human race , but a plague nonetheless . As people have grown accustomed to living in debt , they 've become more accepting of governments running up huge debts . The only question really is , when are the debt collectors going to show up ? Today , I 'm sure that Aunt T enjoyed life as she did partly because she had known want - in several ways . The second part of her tale is a bit difficult , and yet , for me , it 's just as heartening in its conclusions . It 's not easy to learn to balance wants and needs , but she certainly passed that class - and passed some of her wisdom on to me . Reply Friko says : August 21 , 2016 at 4 : 13 pm I cannot help but think that Aunt T . must have been one of the great influences in your life . How could this wonderful woman not be ? She gave you one of the greatest gifts : an assurance that life 's pleasures are at least as importance as life 's duties . Reply shoreacres says : August 21 , 2016 at 8 : 08 pm She was a great influence , Friko . And she gave me much more than a reminder to attend to life 's pleasures as well as its duties . But for that " something more , " you 'll just have to read Part II , where things become , shall we say , more interesting ! Reply shoreacres says : August 21 , 2016 at 9 : 09 pm Isn 't it fun to have someone around who 's willing to push the boundaries - just a little ? Even families playing games together were a great treat . Now , everyone is staring into their silly little screen1 Reply Mother Hen says : August 21 , 2016 at 11 : 38 pm Yes , added spice to our lives . . Reply agjorgenson says : August 22 , 2016 at 9 : 24 pm Very nicely done ! I like your attention to the importance of pleasure . At first blush I though " But people are obsessed with pleasure ! " But that isn 't quite right . They are obsessed with consumption . Pleasure admits a certain discipline sorely missed by many , but not all . I see signs of it here and there , in people working hard to live into their context with some intention . These people give me hope . Looking forward to part 2 ! Reply shoreacres says : August 23 , 2016 at 8 : 59 pm I think you 're right about the difference between pleasure and consumption . It 's a little hard to describe , but still recognizable as truth . It 's akin to the difference between happiness and contentment , or between fun and enjoyment . These are fine distinctions , but distinctions worth pondering , nonetheless . " " If the world were merely seductive , that would be easy . If it were merely challenging , that would be no problem . But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world . This makes it hard to plan the day . " Reply agjorgenson says : August 23 , 2016 at 9 : 01 pm Wow , a great quotation ! Thanks . Reply marmeladegypsy says : August 26 , 2016 at 10 : 51 am Oh Linda , she is your own Auntie Mame in a way - maybe not taking YOU around the world literally but certainly sharing that joy of life and the wisdom of letting go a bit , saving , to be sure but also having the fun thing . Your background and upbringing sounds a lot like mine but I didn 't have that Auntie T . Fun relatives to be sure - but that is so very special . I hope that I 'm the Auntie T version of a gran when Kevin and Molly 's baby is born ! Reply shoreacres says : August 27 , 2016 at 7 : 38 am It 's fun to remember the things we did together , and none of them were particularly exotic : making bouquets of bachelor buttons and zinnias from the garden , picking out especially nice limestone rocks from the driveway and painting them with water colors , watching earthworms wiggle after a rain . She was the one who was willing to get down on the ground with a kid . She was a bit of a kid , herself . ( And now that I know you 've read part II , I can mention that she may have had a little of a child 's problem with immediate gratification ! ) There 's no question that you can be the Good Grandma : fun , and involved . But , wait . Baby ? Have you mentioned this on your blog ? Did I miss it ? I must have . There 's no way you could have failed to mention such good news ! Reply marmeladegypsy says : August 30 , 2016 at 7 : 56 pm I haven 't mentioned it on the blog - we 've only been given permission to be public though some close locals that wouldn 't cross paths with the kids do know . Molly miscarried in November ( we found that out late , too ) and they wanted to keep it quiet till she made the first trimester . But she is due in February ! I am excited - don 't know yet if it 's a boy or girl , but either way , it will be hugely loved . And I intend to be Auntie Mame . Or Granny Mame ! Reply Susan Scheid says : August 26 , 2016 at 8 : 16 pm There are so many things you mention that fit experiences I had , so all the more delicious how they match and then diverge . That you still have the jeweled elephant is remarkable , and how lucky to have that memento of oh , so much more . I recognize the foods , oh my , how much so , though the jello salad I remember used miniature marshmallows rather than cottage cheese . Quite grim , actually , yet I remember it with fondness because it conjures up a lost world . Reply shoreacres says : August 27 , 2016 at 7 : 49 am Ah , yes . Miniature marshmallows . Every holiday , the jello was set aside in favor of a salad made of pineapple chunks , mandarin orange sections , marshmallows , and coconut - all held together by sour cream . It sounds weird , even writing it , but it was good enough that I might even be tempted to produce some . Maybe . It 's been interesting over the years to notice what artifacts of childhood were easily tossed , and which I cling to . It was my mother who wanted me to keep my doll collection . Once she was gone , so were they : likewise , a variety of craft projects . But the lovely jeweled elephant ? A keeper . ( It occurs to me : perhaps I should fashion a stopper and have my ashes put in it ! ) I have all of my mother 's rhinestone jewelry , too - some quite attractive . I was a great fan of all things sparkly as a kid . I still am . Reply Susan Scheid says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 36 pm I think I know that salad ! Certainly something very close to it . Memory lane . . . Reply melissabluefineart says : September 10 , 2016 at 10 : 24 am My childhood in the 60 's wasn 't a lot different but somehow I wasn 't able to establish those reassuring routines in my family . I still love crushed pineapple and cottage cheese , though ! How I wish I 'd had an aunt like yours . I 'm looking forward to learning more of her . Reply shoreacres says : September 11 , 2016 at 9 : 17 am Crushed pineapple and cottage cheese still make a fine lunch for me , too . Here 's an interesting side note about Aunt T . On September 11 , 2001 , my uncle had died , but she still was living in Manhattan , on West 16th . I was on my way to work , but had dallied long enough that I saw events on tv . When I tried to call her , I actually got through . She 'd been taking a walk that morning , and had still been outside when it happened . She knew something awful had taken place , but hadn 't yet figured it all out . I was so glad to have gotten through to her , and to know that she was safe - when so many others weren 't . Reply melissabluefineart says : September 12 , 2016 at 9 : 22 am That is very good news that you were able to reach her , and that she was alright . She sounds like a treasure . Reply Leave a Reply Cancel reply Enter your comment here . . . Copyright 2008 - 2017 Linda L . Leinen . The text and photographs on this site are the property of Linda Leinen . You may link to these articles but may not use the photographs or text without written permission .
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To strive to be like Jesus is an everyday task something that can always be improved . He was literally perfect and blameless in every way . Sometimes being more like Jesus seems like doing stuff , just working for God all the time . But is that really what God wants ? Isn 't our whole point of existence to have a relationship with him ? What good are the works that you do for him if it 's not because of your relationship with him ? We know as Christians that we do not get into Heaven by works , but then what do we do our works for ? Going in a mission trip is something I did for God and because I have a relationship with him enough to want to do his will . To strive to be with Jesus constantly and listen to his voice is something we should all feel is necessary ; to never be satisfied with what you have now . God wants to get closer and closer to you , so why wouldn 't we want to get as close as possible to God ? That 's something we can do a lot here . We can nudge people to want more and more of God by showing his greatness and his love and letting him work through us . By showing the Jesus that 's in us we can then start to be more like him . It feels like we are doing Jesus ' work as we are standing in the care points and there are dozens of kids around us starving for love and begging for us to give it them . They are literally climbing into our arms and have this desperate and jealous spirit to them . It 's precious . That 's how I imagine Jesus walking through the crowds . He is just one man walking through hundreds of people tugging at his clothes , crying out for him , desperate for him and the power of God in him . It 's not easy , to be Gods vessel and give it all to these kids , but it 's what we were brought here to do . To strive for God means not standing still in that crowd . It means bending down and picking up that child that isn 't sweet or kind to others and loving him anyway - like God loves us . When we take steps in the crowd carrying God 's will with us , God takes steps towards us also . The day God showed me how dirty I really am . I cried and I loved . The day started when we got to a care point and our contact asked for 4 volunteers to help sort shoes in a storage tank . I ended up doing it and it was miserably beautiful . We all were continually sneezing , but we got to sort out shoes that would be distributed to the kids the rest of my team was playing with . Totally worth even minute of discomfort . After that we went another care point . This was so incredible ! I got off the bus and was immediately being bombarded with little arms begging to be held . My heart broke open with an intensity to love . About 10 minutes after arriving kids were pulling out old bowls . It was time to eat . I sat down and waites . Soon I was sitting with 3 young boys and a little girl . One boy , who was probably One and a half , a a running around in nothing but a t - shirt . So he was affectionately deemed the naked cowboy . Later on I went to sit in the shade because it had gotten a little hot . The Naked Cowboy came over and wanted to be held … I knew it was coming . I tried to ignore his plea . I mean come on , he was naked baby and I was exhausted and did not want pee all over me . Then God spoke to me . He said " who are you to deny him ? You come to me this way all the time . " I just pulled the naked cowboy into my lap right then . God totally showed me how gross , and dirty , and untouchable I am . I come to him broken , bare , and with nothing . Not once has He ever turned me away because I am missing something that makes me desirable . To God I am worth it all and I am beautiful . I spent the rest of the day with the naked cowboy 's hand wrapped around my finger . It has been a constant reminder for God 's unconditional love for my broken self . I haven 't showered in three days . My arms are sore from picking up preschoolers for six hours a day . My lip was bitten by an ant a few hours ago . My legs are sore from walking to church and back today . I have a lot of empty Coke bottles next to my bed . There 's a rooster outside my window that has a freaking lot to say . It 's quite cold in the house right now . I 'm very , very tired … And I am the luckiest girl in the world . I 'm in Africa . I have children to love , girls to pour into , and serious worship to be focusing on . I hung out with lions and elephants on Saturday , dude . I 'm in Africa , being romanced so sweetly by my Father , the wildest of lovers . He 's painting me sunsets , He 's writing me music , He 's giving me rain in the middle of Swaziland 's dry season , He 's showing me how much He loves me on the daily . He 's so poetic . He 's so gentle . He 's a storm , He 's lightning , and thunder , and the dew on the grass in the morning . He 's a child running up to me when I get out of the bus at the care point , He 's choir music in Siswati , He 's the out - of - tune worship of African church . He 's the sweet smile of a tired three - year - old . He 's the wise words of the shepherds . He 's my constantly looping music . He 's a song . He 's the waves and the wind . He 's essays and sonnets and novels and I could write a song every day for a million years and still not make music that was as beautiful as He . It was our first day of going out to serve in the care points and my heart was full of excitement and expectancy for what the Lord was planning to do . I had no idea what to expect and I loved that ! All I knew was God was going to work , and he did . The minute we arrived at the carepoint we were immediately welcomed by adorable children with loving arms . These bright eyed kids were enamored with the fact that these white people had come to love on them . The minute we stepped off the bus every child in sight ran and jumped into every open pair of arms they could find - that is every child but one . Before I had the chance to pick up one of these adorable giddy children , one little girl caught my eye . Standing off by herself was a little girl around the age of four . Just by a first glance at this child you could see her yellow round eyes from sickness and her round belly from malnutrition . I saw confusion in her eyes as she watched all of the other children being held and loved on with huge smiles on their faces . So without a second thought , I ran up to this lonely confused child with the hope to scoop her in my arms and love on her . However , when I tried to pick her up , the strangest thing happened . At first , she hesitated when I reached my arms out to her , unlike most children who immediately grab on . Once I was fully able to pick her up , she was clueless on what to do . Instead of wrapping her legs around me , her skinny little legs just dangled by my side . I didn 't understand . I thought to myself , " How is it possible for a child to not know how to be held ? " Then it hit me . This child had never been held before . No one had ever gone out of their way to show her love . Everything clicked and I realized that she was completely unfamiliar with the concept of love . As the day progressed , she slowly warmed up to me . It started out rough though . Once I picked her up , I took her to get her food and sat her in my lap while she ate . The whole time I tried to make her laugh or smile , but she still remained very stand off - ish . I was not seeing any fruit and there were literally hundreds of other children I could be loving on so I figured I might as well set this child down while I move on to another . In this moment I felt the Lord whisper , " Not yet Sarah . My work here is not done . " Not only did he want His precious child to feel true love , but He also wanted to use this as a reminder to me of the perfect love we can find through Christ . As my heart opened to this idea , it was one of the most beautiful things I 've ever been able to watch . As time passed , the same child who was hesitant and confused to let me hold her , turned into a child who would not leave my side for one second . She followed me everywhere and wanted to be held every chance she got . Once she had experienced this genuine love , there was no going back for her - she wanted every bit she could get . This experience was the perfect reminder for me of the love we have in Jesus . We are the little girl dangling her legs by his side . We think we know what love is , but we can 't actually comprehend this until we find the love of Jesus . No amount of earthly love could compare to the love our Heavenly Father has for us . Once we get to experience being held in his loving arms , there 's no going back . We want more & more , and he time after time he gives us just that . I will always remember this sweet child and the amazing reminder of Gods love she was to me that day in Africa . Sadly I was never able to figure out the girl 's name . I tried multiple times to ask her , but she didn 't know one bit of English and I didn 't know one bit of Siswati . However our language barriers didn 't matter because love is a language in itself . There are a lot of things love is and isn 't , but that day love was the simple act of holding a child through the love of Jesus . Internet is very spotty in Swaziland , so Abby 's team has not been able to update as much as we would have hoped . However , here are some words from Abigail M . , as well as some beautiful photographs courtesy of Abby Colby , Abigail M . , and Preston . Enjoy ! We 've also done some things I wasn 't expecting to do in Swazi . We were able to go on a home visit one day to a little old lady in the community . I was expecting to spend time with her and share the gospel , but we ended up moving ant infested wood to a fire pit and sweeping the ground with branches ( yes , branches ) in her back yard . But you know , TIA ( This Is Africa ) so expect the unexpected . One morning we got to the care point and was asked to gather fire wood to cook lunch . The process of gathering fire wood was kind of ridiculous . We had to walk a mile down this dirt road , climb down into a creepy valley , gather armful of wood , and walk the mile back . We also had to wash all the dishes that the kids eat off of everyday . Whatever you do . That means everything you do for these people , you 're doing for God . So I 'm sweeping the ground for God . I 'm gathering firewood for God . I 'm cleaning these nasty dishes for God to eat off of . I 'll be honest , our living arrangements are kind of difficult . We sleep on flat mattresses on the floor , cook on a gas stove , use the bathroom in portapotties , and shower in a small shack outside . Our washing machine is a bucket and our dishwasher is two small bowls and a rag . I love it , though ! I 've been stripped of all comforts and stability at home - family , friends , my bed , hot showers , wifi , unlimited food , etc . Now that I no longer have those things to comfort me , I have to rely completely on God . He is my comfort and He takes care of me . " I know what it is to be in need , and I know what it is to have plenty . I have learned the secret of being content in every situation , whether well fed or hungry , whether in plenty of in want . I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength . " Philippians 4 : 12 - 13 God has seriously shown up in Swaziland . I could tell you all the awesome things that I 've done , but it would be a lie . I 've done nothing this month . It 's all been God and He 's done some incredible work . Hey hello hi from Africa ! We just ended our first day of ministry here in Swaziland . Well , the day isn 't over yet . So we still have ministry opportunity . Thats a cool thought . Its Friday , July 3 , 2015 - just a regular date besides the fact it is the day before the forth of July . But not for me . Not for our team . Today we did what we have been preparing to do for months , for days , this is why we flew 15 hours and drove probably , 5 hours , this is why we went through training camp , why we did team building games , why we prayed and worshiped , why we begged for wisdom to rain down on us , and why we cried our eyes out because our hearts longed to love people we haven 't even met yet - and so many more deeper / unexplainable things . Well , today was the first day of why we did all of that . I 'll start from the moment I woke up . I remember it being 4 : 23 in the morning and the rooster that ( I 've been threatening to turn into soup ) cock - a - doodle - doooooooooeeddd so freaking loud and I realized my headphones had fallen out of my ears , so I put them back in and continued to sleep until 7 : 00 . I took a bucket shower ( love those … really ) and asked the wonderful Kayla to braid my hair . Each morning our rad leaders have had us have a devotional time , and this morning I took a beautiful walk with Jenna , Kayla , and Erin . We sat and prayed . We sat and just looked out at the people and land . It was possibly one of the most peaceful moments . It was getting close to the time when we would be picked up to go to our first care point , to love on some absolutely beautiful children . So we headed back . The bus came and we loaded up ourselves , our water bottles ( s / o to JoJo ) , and our lunches . Tommy ( our bus driver ) took us down one rocky , dusty road , which led to another rocky , dusty road , which led to another , and another … . And , maybe , another . Until we reached our first care point . Tommy opened the door for us and we all jumped out , children from nowhere started running toward us jumping in our arms and tugging on our skirts . We woCategories : Uncategorized People have asked me " How can you send your children away ? Why do allow your children to go to these far away and dangerous places ? Aren 't you afraid ? Won 't you miss them ? " Here 's my answer . Yes . But I would Rather give my children to the cause of Christ than have the world steal them away . There is really nowhere safe in the world anymore . Our older daughter Anna went on a three month mission trip to Kenya in 2013 . Her team of thirteen girls was sent to serve in one of the most unattractive and unsafe towns in the country . The terrorist attack took place while they were there - but it took place in one of the nicest and seemingly safest areas . When Abby went to visit and help out family that are missionaries in Lithuania , we did not book her on the lesser known airline that had a day layover in an unstable country . She did reach her destination unharmed . But a few weeks later , it was that same reputable airline that she had traveled on , Lufthansa , that was intentionally crashed by the copilot into the alps , thus killing all on board . My heart breaks for the people impacted by these tragedies . So where is safe ? The only safe place is in Christ . We really just have to be ready . Safe is in the hands and will of Jesus . Safe is a right heart with God . Which heart should I feed ? She is young . She will only be 16 when she leaves at the end of June . I am her mom , and I see the pull of the world and our culture . I also see that little bit of edginess and that youthful lust for a little risk and a little adventure . I see her heart for people and for God , that thirst to know God more and to do something that matters . It needs expression somewhere . So let that expression be found in the cause of Christ . I challenged her and asked her why Swaziland ? Why not somewhere closer , cheaper , and safer ? Her response was , " It seems to be the area of greatest need . And I don 't want to go somewhere easy . " She could spend the month of July lining her pockets with silver from a summer job and shopping at the mall with friends , or relaxing on the beach … And that would be OK . But instead , she has chosen to go and serve the Gospel of Jesus Christ and a hand up to a destitute , disease stricken people in the tiny African nation of Swaziland . How can I say no to that ? I know there are plenty of people that need the Gospel preached to them and their needs met , right here on the home front - and Abby does outreach locally . But who am I to tell Abby , or anyone else , where God is telling them to " Go ye " if God has laid somewhere on their heart ? I already held her back for a year . So here 's to the little girl with the little bit of an edge to her . The little girl with the gumption to reach for a dream and follow her heart for Jesus . I love you Abby . Adventures in Missions is aware of the risk of Ebola and other diseases . If this becomes a serious issue some options would be switching mission trips or rescheduling the current trip . Some other options for trips would be Nepal , Philippians , Guatemala , Nicaragua , or Uganda for summer 2015 trips . Hello ! I hope you are all doing well . I would just like to tell you about some new things happening in my life right now and invite you to be a part of it . For a long time God has put a burden on my heart for people . I have been interested in helping and reaching those , not just around me , but in nations that need to hear of God 's love . Previously , I traveled to Lithuania for one week to help spread God 's precious Word , as well as participated in many out of town outreaches with my local church . Currently I am involved with assisting in Children 's Church each week . This summer , I will be spending a month in Swaziland ! Swaziland is a tiny beautiful country between , South Africa and Mozambique . While there , our team will have the opportunity to serve in ways such as feeding and teaching orphans , helping in schools , visiting the poor and the sick in the hospitals and their homes ; as well as praying for many and helping to restore hope and joy to a people that desperately need it . I have been accepted to the Ambassador Program through Adventures in Missions . A group of teens , ages 14 - 18 , and I will be going to Swaziland for a month from June 26th until July 24th to minister to these people who are in dire need of God 's love and help . The country is said to have the highest rate of AIDS in the world resulting in 40 % of the children being orphaned and left without hope or a future . It has been stated that without intervention , the people of Swaziland are in danger of extinction by 2050 . Swaziland is a place that is crying out for help and desperately needs people to come and bring it . God didn 't say to go to the easiest and safest places . He did say that if we do his will , He will be with us . However , to get there I need to raise $ 4 , 684 which covers all of my travel , lodging , and insurance . I know this is possible with the prayers and finances of people around me . Every little bit helps , and gets me one step closer to the financial deadlines that need to be met in the next several months . Your donation is tax deductible and you will receive a receipt for it if you choose to donate online or fill out the donation slip enclosed in the paper version of my letter . You may donate by clicking here or you may make online donations by visiting my blog at : http / / : abbysmission . wordpress . com and clicking on the " DONATE " tab and link provided there . This link will take you directly to my donation page on the Adventures in Missions site . Or you may choose to mail a check to Adventures In Missions , PO Box 534470 , Atlanta GA , 30353 - 4470 . * * Please ensure that " for Abigail Colby - " is entered in the " memo " line of your check so that your gift will be credited to my account . Donations received in person are also welcome . My blog will have updates on my progress over the next few months as well as during my mission trip . Please consider following it especially during the dates of my trip . I am so excited for all that is in store for me and to see how God will help me to meet other 's needs . Prayer is even more essential than monetary support and would be greatly appreciated . Thank you in advance for your support and love . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
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We had our biggest fundraiser of the year at work on August 4th . The short version of that story is : we rock in the face of danger ! We tried a new system , all digital , ran into a few glitches and pulled it off because we had an awesome team . A few days after the event I had my yearly doctor 's visit and they asked if I wanted to get a Tetnis ( sp ? ) and Pneumonia shot . " One arm or two , " the nurse asked . I figured it would be easier to have one working arm and said , " One arm . " I later learned that was a dumb decision . I proceeded to run errands all day and clean our house in preparation of our road trip to Portland , Oregon for our friend Fred 's wedding . Wrong choice again . I didn 't realize it would hurt like a bitch AND give me faux pneumonia . By the time our friends came over that night I was in so much pain I could cry . I was still immobile by the next morning and had to call out sick from work and slept all day popping pain medication in between meals . By Wednesday morning I was feeling more in control of my body and went back to work . However , by the time I got home my body started to revolt again from moving around all day and rewarded me with a migraine . " Fuck you " , my body was telling me , " I refuse to let you be productive . " This was our last might in Long Beach before we had to hit the road , and we barely packed a thing . I tried my best to rest and make sure I wouldn 't continue to be sick with faux pneumonia on our road trip . Then late that night we got a call from our friend telling us that our friend Anna Oung had been found dead . We didn 't know any details at the time we heard the news , but we never suspected it be a suicide . The saddest part of this news is she had just given birth 3 months ago to their first child and now her husband is a single dad . 😦 My fiance knew Anna and her husband since they were in college together at CSULB . They were the happiest couple you 'd ever met , and meant to be together . They got married about two years ago and seemed to have everything figured out . We hadn 't been very good about seeing them regularly because my fiance and I tend to work weekends and nights . We weren 't even aware they had moved back to Long Beach , or recently moved in with her parents while she was pregnant . It was only after her death we learned she suffered from postpartum psychosis and had been briefly hospitalized for her condition before she committed suicide . My fiance and I couldn 't make sense of the circumstances at first and were dumbstruck by all this new information . Meanwhile we had to prepare to drive to Oregon for a wedding . By the next morning my arm felt almost 100 % better and I was trying to get us back on track for our road trip . We both had work and came home to pack and clean up before heading out to drive . We planned to drive all through the night and then camp in Red Bluff on Friday to rest . We still couldn 't wrap our heads around Anna 's death and avoided reading more about it online , and tried to focus on the road . The drive to Red Bluff wasn 't too bad , and we arrived just after 10am . However , we didn 't anticipate it being almost 110 degrees ! It was so hot we couldn 't rest let alone enjoy our one day campsite . Every time we tried to rest we awoke in a pool of our own sweat . Bleh . We were able to sleep for a few hours but they weren 't restful . After dinner we decided we were never going to be comfortable enough to really rest and we started to become restless , so we decided to pack our camp and head back on the road and just try to check into our hotel a little early . I had been a little anxious on the first leg of our trip , but nothing too bad . On the second part I was a bit more on edge and I didn 't know why . As we exited California and entered Oregon the road got more mountainous and curvy . My anxiety kicked it up a couple notches . I had forgotten to stay " medicated . " My eyes were glued to the road even though i wasn 't driving . I could not let myself relax . I was having a full - blown anxiety attack by 2am . We came to a rest area and decided to sleep until at least 6am before resuming the drive . I was so tired and grateful we stopped . I had hit a wall and was so panic - stricken that I needed to stop and rest . We both passed out immediately . We awoke a new and were refreshed and ready to drive . My fiancé took the first shift and as soon as we crossed into Oregon and after the mountains we switched and I drove until we reached our hotel just south of Portland in Milwaukee . We got there a few hours early and our room wasn 't ready . 😦 Boo . We wandered aimlessly and found a local comic book and collectibles shop , but it was mostly a Magic and toys shop . My fiancé wanted to see if he could buy stuff from the store online . We slowly made our way to a Starbucks for the free wi - fi until our room was ready . After we got settled at our hotel room our friends who were also in town called asking to meet up . We showered and changed and found our way into Portland and checkout their annual The Bite of Oregon festival . They bring all of northern , central , and southern Oregon together in one place where you can drink and eat the best of the best festival food and alcohol . It was only $ 5 to get in and $ 5 beers and wine at almost every booth . I abstained from the drinking since my allergies were on full alert , but my fiancé decided to break the diet and indulge in a few beers . It was nice to be walking around and enjoying the food and company of friends who all made the trip out there and hangout , catch up , and be merry . We also met up with Fred 's brother , who came with our mutual friends from California . I was catching up with our old roommate when I hear Francis say something , but I can 't hear what exactly . I just turn around and he looks upset , like he 's been given bad news . I continue to hear Fred 's brother talk to my fiancé but I can 't hear what their saying . I decide to not worry for the moment and try to catch a moment to talk to him later . We get news the groom and bride and more friends are coming to meet up with us ! Awesome . We gorge on fruit covered in chocolate , more beers , and a few amazing fruit drinks . We tried really hard to stay away from fried food and too much junk food and did a pretty good job . We weren 't following the " diet " very well but we were at least trying to be good . Later fiance and I was are walking alone behind the group and he tells me that Fred 's younger sister also committed suicide early last week . His sister had been struggling with coming out as a Lesbian and was very depressed . She was on college and hadn 't come out to her Mother or siblings . I didn 't know what to say . I was shocked , again . Two suicides in one week . I was so heart - broken to hear all this . And in just over 24 hours we would be attending a wedding as well . It just seems a little unreal . We did our best to be cheerful and cheer Fred up . After a few hours in the sun I decided to head back to the hotel and leave the boys so they could go straight out for Fred 's bachelor party . Most of them were already on their way . I got a little lost trying to get back across the bridge to get to our hotel and probably made a legal U - Turn . Oh well . I got back just before nighttime and immediately passed out . With the hot weather and going in and out A / C my allergies were acting up something fierce . My fiance was fighting a stuffy nose and cough all weekend and I was on the verge of getting sick the day before the wedding . What a long , long week . The day of the wedding we were hoping to have time to take a small trip in to Portland after we picked up our friends to go to the wedding . As usual we were all running a little behind schedule and my fiance and I over slept . No Powell 's Bookstore . No fancy coffee shops . No Portlandia sight - seeing . 😦 We had just enough time to pick up our friends , eat , and get dressed for the wedding . It was a very small affair , but really beautiful . They had the ceremony and reception at the Amadeus Manor not too far from our hotel in Milwaukee . It over looks the river close by and had a perfect view of the hill - side . Unfortunately , their upstairs A / C broke and it was a little hotter than it should have been during the ceremony and reception . The building itself was really cute and built on the hillside . The bottom floor was where the bar and outside patio were for appetizers and cocktails , while the second floor was where the ceremony and reception took place . The third floor was where the bridal party got ready and the second set of restrooms were located . We had to make a break for the bar a patio a few times because we were all sweating up a storm from the heat . It stayed pretty consistently hot the whole time we were there . I guess it was fortunate there was no dance floor or dancing in general because we would have passed out . The whole thing was over by 10pm , and we were some of the last people to leave the locale . It was still so early ! Everyone else decided to continue celebrating by going out for more drinks , but we played it safe and headed back to out hotel room . We had to try to drag ourselves our of bed by 6am . Bleh . In another week we will be attending Anna and Fred 's little Sister 's funeral . I still have a hard accepting that such smart , beautiful , and amazing people decided to take their own lives the same week , days apart . I wish things has been different for them . I wish they could have seen their baby grow up , their brother get married , and I mostly wish they had been happier . Despite all the ups and downs I hope all my friends and family never have to go through anything like this again . This past weekend two people I know became engaged , a good friend and a co - worker took the plunge and asked they 're girlfriends to marry them . Of course , they said yes . This news , when presented to my boyfriend , brought a look of horror to his face . Why you ask ? He suddenly felt pressured . The lovely two men who proposed this past weekend had it all planned out . Even without ever speaking to them I know how it went down . They met an awesome girl . Started seriously dating . After less than 6 months decided to move in together . While they were moving in together he started plotting how to propose and started ring shopping . Then after short time , even though they were already 100 % sure , they set a plan in motion to propose . Am I right ? Of course . All of this happened within less than a year . This January is going to be our 4 year Anniversary , we have been living in a house purchased by his mother for 2 years , and have been living together for 3 1 / 2 years . We 're pretty settled . Ever since we talked about moving in together we knew we would one day get married ( kids are another discussion entirely ) . So why have we not tied the knot ? Due to my interrogation skills , it has come to my attention that my boyfriend has been waiting for himself . He later divulged to me that he had been holding out / hoping to find a full - time job , save up some money ( like any practical man would ) , then propose . Keep in mind , I have no issues with this pragmatic approach . It is one of the reasons I love him . We have talked many many times about our hypothetical wedding ( I 'm scouting Library locations , for curious folk ) , and how we are comfortable keeping our parents miles away from each other until they absolutely have to meet . When we get married . We dread together on how our families are polar opposites , but we love them all , and how I don 't want to feed any one at the reception because I don 't want to pay for someone 's free meal . Yes , I 'm a hater . We 've argued over Bible versus being read at our ceremony , and discussed how his family would kill me if we eloped . Of course , most of this is just for show . To show everyone else how much we love each other . We 've known since they day we got back from our first trip to San Francisco . Even now nothing can change our minds about how much we love each other . Of course , the only major change that may happen once we are officially " married " is the discussion regarding kids . Pray for me . It has taken me many days , weeks , and months to make this decision . It was not a easy one . I am sad to inform you that you will not be able to attend my ( future ) wedding . I have decided it would be best to keep this event small . I hope that you do not take this personally , or as a reason for us to no longer be friends . It was not easy for me to lump people in to a " Good Friends VS Bad Friends " grouping , which , actually didn 't happen . I hope to see you some time soon . And , if it makes you feel any better , gifts were not required for the people who were invited . Well , that was theraputic . This type of diatribe had been weighing on me for some time . Recently we have had a number of friends getting married , knocked up , separated , and divorced . My own family is riddled with chaos over such things . My mother is on her third husband , her best choice so far , my father has been happily remarried for over 10 years , most of my relatives are divorced , or having issues of their own . I , personally , take the vows of marriage very seriously . This does not mean I think " Marriage is between a man and a woman for the purpose of procreation . " Not at all . Having seen , and experienced , marriage and divorce come and go I don 't think the decision of marriage is easy . This week alone I have been informed of a secret marriage , a separation , and my boyfriend and I are attending a wedding in a couple of weeks . Marriage , not including the wedding , is a life changing decision . Ever since I was young I never saw myself getting married and having kids . It never really crossed my mind like it did my friends and relatives . I figured if it happens it happens . If my life is in the right place , and I meet someone I can see myself growing old with , then it would be obvious it would happen . Sure , I had delusions of marryinig someone who wasn 't right for me , but I realized later it was just a flight of fancy and was never going to happen . Now , I worry about it too much . I 've always felt weddings were a waste of time and money . Why start off the greatest start to a new life in debt ? Is it really a great tradition ? Do I need a church to recognize my own feelings and wishes ? Plus , the thought of dozes of people watching this whole farce makes me want to run away from it all . Why pay for others to eat at your wedding ? Why not just sign the paperwork and leave on the honeymoon right away ! ? Eloping seems to fit better with my idea of romantic and fun . I don 't even need Las Vegas . I 've also had thoughts of a small wedding , thus the small hypothetical letter . After being informed of someone 's secret , last minute wedding , and I started to wonder about who I would invite to my own ceremony . Who are my close friends ? What family would make the cut ? I have a healthy grouping of friends , but most of them would not be invited . Hell , even some family wouldn 't be invited . Does that mean I , in turn , could not be invited to their wedding ? Is this how it works ? Who knows . All I do know is if and when it happens it shall be for my future husband and I only .
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I had a great trip down to Wellington over the past couple of days . My father ferried me to the big city on Thursday and joined me to visit my grandmother , who is still with us , thank goodness . She 's turning 96 next Friday . That 's an impressive age . I spent Thursday afternoon with my dear friend Anna and her gorgeous boys , three year old Sam and nine month old Charlie . Sam is such a nice little kid : friendly , happy , chatty - and brave , too . He was riding his scooter along as we walked to a local shop and he managed to knock his face with the handlebars ( because he was adopting a low ' speed ' stance ) . He put his teeth into his lip and it bled for a good ten minutes - serious amount of blood , dripping off his chin and all over the place . He barely even cried . I would have been howling like a loon if it had happened to me . And Charlie is the kind of smiley , sweet , chilled out baby that people like me just want to steal for a while . Anna is obviously a magnificent mother to have produced two such lovely chaps ! On Friday morning I visited Melissa , an old friend from school who I have been fortunate enough to catch up with again through the mighty powers of Facebook . Melissa has a two year old daughter , the beautiful Nienke , and a brand new baby boy called Willem . She also had her mother on hand to help with some of the heavy lifting , because she 's a smart cookie . It was all happiness in Melissa 's household : new baby on the go ; a new house bought recently ; a husband who , after a bit of career frustration , has ended up with work that he likes ; and - as the icing on the cake - a very nice Lotto win last week - not a life - changing amount , but enough to make the house move much easier and more fun . It couldn 't have happened to nicer people . It was so lovely to visit these sensible , grown - up friends , but it was also great fun to kick back with Davey and pretend to be young and stupid again . We met up at 1pm on Friday and ran around town for the rest of the day . We started off with a very tasty lunch at some Malaysian joint . Next up , we went to The Lanes for a spot of ten - pin bowling and a refreshing pint of cider each . And although Davey won both games , I must say that I was pretty awesome ! You never know , I might become a professional ten - pin bowler and kick into touch all of that ' save the world ' malarky . The weather was terrible , so we resigned ourselves to indoor entertainment for the rest of the afternoon and headed to Ballroom to play pool and drink beer . We were both shockingly bad . I hadn 't played for a long time , and it showed . Davey has no real excuse - he was probably just letting me win , and managed to disguise it really well . Later on , Dion ( another very old friend ) joined us . It was time for another pint of cider , so we went to Meow - a very funky bar that has been decorated to look like your parents ' living room , circa . 1974 . And we were joined by Matty , a top bloke who I met in London a few years ago and who moved back to Wellington late in 2009 . We then spent a few hours at the Southern and joined some of Davey 's work mates - one of his colleagues was leaving . I met so many nice people ( some of whom I had also met when I was in Wellington last year and went to a Guy Fawkes party ) . However , my memory is terrible and I can 't recall anybody 's name . Stink ! This was another cool bar ( seriously , Wellington is FULL of cool bars - it 's fabulous ) . This one was particularly funny , though - when I was young and living in Wellington a hundred years ago , this place was two separate venues : a smelly old man pub ( the Southern ) and a student bar ( Zebos ) . Zebos would do a half - price cocktail thing every Wednesday night and we would all go there and get chopped to bits . Now , it 's all one place , and it 's like Meow in its decor : very funky seventies vibe . Zebos was famed for having a garden bar , and this new version of the place has kept it and made it glam . If I lived on that side of town I think I 'd spend many summer evenings there . While we were at the Southern we picked up a few more strays : Davey 's friend Dave ( who I also met when I was visiting in October ) and some English guys that were seconded from the UK to the Inland Revenue , were Dave works . One of the English guys , Ravi , couldn 't get in to the Southern because they said he looked under 25 ( he was 25 , I think , but he looked about 17 , bless him ) , so Davey , Dave , English John , Ravi and I moved on . We tried Matterhorn ( a bit of a Wellington institution these days ) , but either we were too impatient or things were a bit slow , because we didn 't get table service straight away and then decided that we couldn 't possibly put up with that kind of nonsense and had to move on . So we wandered down Courtenay Place and found the next venue : Library Bar . It was one of those places where you come to a totally unremarkable door next to a shop , tip a wink to the door guy , head up some hum - drum stairs and find yourself in an awesome bar . This place just seemed to do lovely drinks and also puddings , so it 's pretty much my idea of bar heaven . We didn 't have pudding , but we did put away a couple of bottles of red wine . At this stage another English guy pitched up - Tom , who seemed to be thoroughly enjoying life on secondment and who tried many of his best lines on me . As he looked no older than 15 I asked him when he was born . 1987 , he said . I told him that I started secondary school in 1987 . Unperturbed , he tried another line or two . I asked him what he was doing in March 1999 . He said that he would have been 11 . I replied that I was getting married then . We agreed that he could have been a page boy - him and Ravi . By this stage it must have been after 2am , so we rounded off the evening with some jaeger bombs at The Apartment . I think we left at 4ish , and headed back to Davey 's house for another beer before sending the English boys on their way and then staggering off to our respective rooms after 5am . Hardcore . The trip was OK - we came over via Hong Kong and didn 't take a night off to break up the journey , but we both got a few hours of sleep on each flight . It was lovely to know that we didn 't have to do the same mammoth trip again in three or four weeks ' time . Having said that , this feels like a holiday at the moment ( albeit a weird holiday , where Tui has come with us and I don 't have to check work emails on my blackberry ) . It must be different for Tristan ; he 's stayed in Auckland had started work today . I 'm in my home town , population 12 , 000 or so , and I spent today hanging out with Katie , my oldest niece , running errands . They were all very exciting chores : getting a new money card for my NZ bank account ; talking to the council about registering Tui ; finding out how and when to transfer our driver 's licences from the UK to NZ . None of that was very exciting , of course , but it was all made easier by the way in which NZ banks , councils and other organisations seem to be fairly decent to deal with - flexible about ID , that kind of thing . For example , the lady at the bank agreed to deal with me and accept my UK licence as ID , even though it wasn 't on her list of recognised types of ID ( my NZ one has expired , so she wasn 't able to rely on that ) . She asked if I had my passport with me and I told her that it was at home , but rather than being a jobsworth and making me head back and get it , she just used her brain and made an executive decision , recognising that , with two driver 's licences with photos on them and two credit cards showing my signature , I probably was who I claimed to be . From my experience of UK banks I 'm fairly sure that this would have been fairly difficult to negotiate and I would have been on the receiving end of a ' it 's not our problem : get the right ID ' response . I 'm certainly not saying that all UK customer service people are unhelpful , or that all NZ customer service people are awesome , but I do feel like , in the UK , good customer service is the exception and not thNothing much else to report , really . I was asleep by 8 . 30 last night and awake from 3 . 30 this morning . Tui was slightly confused to see me when I arrived yesterday afternoon ( and has been a very good girl for my mother and is very happy in her company , which is fantastic ) , but she soon got used to having me around around . She 's absolutely loving life in a single - storey house : she 's sleeping in the kitchen , but she 's following me around from room to room and trying , in her own gentle way , to convince me that she should just sleep on my bed with me . No chance , my furry little friend … It is so strange to think that I no longer have a job . I think that it 's going to take me a while to adjust to it , but I 'm not going to give it too much thought until Tui and I have moved to Auckland . I did fill my day with errands today , but I want to take it easier tomorrow and just lie around and read . I 'm really worn out - not just after the past few weeks , but after the past four or five years . I think that my batteries need to be recharged . My parents don 't have any internet access at home and I don 't have a working iPhone here , so don 't be surprised if updates are thin on the ground for the next week or two . I 'm going to Wellington later in the week , though , and will stay with lovely Davey , one of my oldest and best friends , so I might be able to manage something when I 'm down there . And I will definitely manage a few beers when we 're out on Friday night . And I 'll get to catch up with some other wonderful friends as well - the prospect of seeing my favourite people on a regular basis is just magnificient ! The house is sold . Our worldly belongings are packed away into a container . I 've finished my handover notes ( a 29 , 000 word dissertation about what I 've achieved in the past four years ) . I 've handed in my security card , been given a gorgeous Tiffany necklace by my kind and lovely colleagues , and have left the firm . And now I 'm on the Heathrow Express , and when I get to Terminal One and track down Tristan , we will emigrate to New Zealand . Flipping heck . See you all on the other side ! Mum said that she bounded out of the airport in fine spirits , wagging her tail like a furry little loon and looking like she 'd had a fantastic journey . It is SO weird to think that Tui is on the other side of the world ! She 'll be barking with a New Zealand accent in no time . Obviously , you can 't really decide overnight to move across the world . Tristan accepted his job in early January and we have spent the past two months navigating the perilous immigration system ( don 't get me started on this … ) Our intention had been for me to stay in my job until Tristan 's visa was confirmed and then resign , staying in England for a few extra weeks in order to work out my three - month notice period , but we were told that this wasn 't possible : his residency and work visa applications have both been processed through the spousal route , which requires us to leave the country together . So I had to resign on 1 February and endure a tense six weeks while waiting for the work visa to be confirmed ( we 're still waiting for the residency confirmation ) . To amp up the uncertainty , we put our house on the market while we were waiting for the visa to be confirmed . Initially we 'd thought that we would keep our place and rent it out , but we then realised the high cost of Auckland housing and figured that it would be very helpful to take as much money as possible ! So we put the house on the market with a minimum price in mind , fully aware that the housing market is terrible and that we might not get any takers . But I 'm happy to report that the real estate gods were smiling on us : we had an offer in less than a week and agreed a price that was £ 10k more than our minimum ! Good times . So I 'm still working and will finish on Friday , 8 April , at 4pm . And then I 'll go straight to the airport and we 'll fly out at 9pm . And we 've exchanged contracts on our house and will complete the sale on the 8th . The packers and movers will come and sort us out on the 7th ( Tristan 's new employer is paying for our flights and moving costs , God love them ) . Our stuff is more or less organised and we have a secret weapon here in the form of Pat , Tristan 's incredibly energetic mother , to help us figure out what to ship to NZ and what to leave behind . We 're taking most of our stuff , though - we have a 20ft container to fill ( and 75 % of the contents may well be my clothes ) . Tristan will start work the day after we land , the poor sod . His work will pay for accommodation for the first three weeks and then we 'll find him a serviced apartment for a few more weeks . We 're not going to buy a house immediately because we don 't know anything about Auckland and will need to suss out where to live , and because the exchange is terrible at present and we want to leave most of our money in the UK for a few months . So we 'll need to rent a house , but will have to do so knowing that our 20ft container may take up to three months to arrive , which could leave us rattling around in an empty house . I think we 'll wait for at least six or seven weeks before we find somewhere to live . The bad news is that this means that Tui and I will have to stay with my parents while Tristan 's stuck by himself in Auckland ( that 's ' bad ' in the ' it 's a shame that we won 't be together ' sense ; obviously , I 'm delighted that I 'll get to spend some time with my lovely parents ) . Tui won 't be welcome in a serviced apartment and I dn 't want to lumber my parents with dog duty for more than is absolutely necessary . So we 'll be five hours ' drive away from Auckland , in a very nice - but very small - town . I 'm quite sure that , in three or four weeks ' time , I 'm going to wake up in the middle of the night and exclaim ' OH MY GOD I live in New Zealand now ! '
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Happy anniversary ! I love the comic , and I read it ASAP when the new one comes out ! Let 's all give Newbiespud a big thank you for making this awesome comic ! I await with baited breath a very special event that is coming soon . An event that I have long planned for . In fact , my very face exists specifically for that moment . . . For sure ! Congrats on making a comic we love to read and chat about ! You 're one happy brony today ? Thanks for making all of us happy with each update ! Thank you , Raxon . I watched the first of that series years ago . Until now , I didn 't realize that the story continued to five parts . Comic 9 - " Sure , Twilight . I 'll stop the festivities and militarize the nation because you read a story in a book . " Comic 12 - Umiyuri finds her one true love again . You mean the avatar Stairc uses didn 't tip you off that he 's evil ? I haven 't played any one of his games , but it became apparent to me pretty quickly that he is very evil , and we all love him for that . His games sound really fun , and I 'm really impressed by a lot of his stories about DMing . Well , I did point out his avatar when it first appeared , but I didn 't want to jump to conclusions . I mean , mine looks shifty , Ranubis is the Grim Reaper , and Kaleo 's got a pidgeon that 's watching the world burn . It was only after he started talking about prior campaigns that I started to get a glimpse of his true depravity . I 'm not going to list all the comics that I 've put alt - scripts on , because I 've written a LOT of them . I did write a whole string of them starting at around comic 78 onwards , if you want to take a look . Just Control + F and type in " lynt " to find them on each page . . . . I 'm getting 2 contradictary sentences here . If you 've got work now and Pony Tales later , would that mean you 're not updating much tonight ? ( Or today , for us Western Hemisphere folk ) I think I found this when you were at about the halfway point in dealing with Nightmare Moon . Been loving it ever since . Keep up the good work , Spuds . I 'm serious . I had never posted anything on the Internet before until MLP came out . I was simply " the eternal lurker " . It was on some thread in Ponychan where we were discussing how the mane six could be corrupted like Nightmare Moon . Then I found this comic . I found that I enjoyed writing alt - scripts ( and that you enjoyed reading them ) . And I 've never looked back . So thank you Newbiespud . You have lived up to the promise of excellence , and I think I 'm better off for having found this comic . I hope to continue following this for some time to come . And for this thread , I shall strike with well - wishes ! " Happy , happy birthday to you , and you , and you ! " ( Or just NS 's comic , but still , that 's something ) . My bro introduced me to this comic when you were first introducing Fluttershy , and I 've stuck with it since . It 's kept me very entertained . Keep it coming - and here 's to hoping you make a Return of Harmony adventure in the future . . . I so want to see Discord have a major part in one of these ! I have never successfully defeated a dragon in D & D before . The first time I ever encountered one , it was way above our CR , so we tried negotiating with it to let us leave her cave alive . My half - orc ranger with a Charisma of 9 rolled a natural 1 on his Diplomacy check ( we didn 't think to aid another so we all tried our own ) , and so his offer was , and I quote , " I 'll give you this nice rope ! " Congratulations on the anniversary ! I found this comic almost a year ago ( at the end of September ) , and it 's what originally got me into MLP . So thanks for that . I , like some of the others here , am a perpetual lurker and have probably contributed a half - dozen posts to the comics so far , but I 've really enjoyed the comic the entire time . Keep up the good work ! Congrats on an amazing year ! I don 't even remember what brought me here back when you were just 3 posts in , but I 'm damn proud to claim I 've been reading since the beginning . Keep up the amazing work as long as you feel comfortable doing so , please ! And for the record , my single favorite comic is # 90 , where I think you did a better job of explaining how magic belongs as an element than the show did . ( The show really didn 't , did they ? I bet they didn 't even know how ! That 's how much you and that strip ROCK ! ) Congrats on your first year and 100 + comics ! I first found this web comic when EqD featured it , so I think that was somewhere when the party was in the Everfree forest about to do Pinkie 's Glib Limerick . Funny that I reread the entire comic recently for shits and giggles . Great job on a year of Friendship is Dragons ! I really enjoy this comic . You 've done a great job making one of the best pony comics out there , certainly the only one I read regularly . It 's been a great way to re - evaluate the show and connect with smart and fun people . Congratulations on a year of Friendship is Dragons . May the next year be even better than the first . As many have said , I 've met some cool people here in the comments section , and I 'm actually involved in my first ever D & D game because of it . I , too , have been interested in drawing a webcomic for some time ( I actually have something like a dozen general plots for webcomics , at least three of which are pony related ) , but I found that I 'm no good at drawing . I actually started off in the style of Order of the Stick , which worked pretty well , but I decided that the particular comic I was working on required a more complex style . One of these days , I 'm going to sit down and practice my drawing , or maybe go back to a simpler style ( or do a campaign comic , which eschews any drawing at all ) . But regardless , like you said , it has to be good . I started reading in the Stephen Magnet scene - the comic was linked from another comic I read . Without it , I don 't know if I would have given MLP a fair go . You made a brony out of me ! Aw man , congrats on a year 's run , Newbiespud . I don 't remember when I was led to this site , but when I found it I was like , " Oh man , Ponies AND D & D ? SOLD ! " You check through the assortment of items in the storage room . Rolf finds a glove of storing , allowing him to magically conceal held objects within it , like a form super - efficient scabbard that lets one retrieve a weapon in moments . It was donated to the temple from an unknown adventurer . Tiffany finds a ring of animal friendship , which , according to the cleric , was primarily used to train Lizzie * not * to playfully pounce on people smaller than her : Ribs aren 't very easy to heal . Skitter looks around and finds a box , containing a portable hole inside . The cleric says it belonged to some mischievous children , prior to being confiscated . Apparently , they 'd sneak in the backdoor of the temple and place it in front of the doors , waiting for someone to fall into it . Then they 'd carry them inside of it , over to the garden lake and eject them into it . They kept at it for a whole week before one of our paladins caught them in the act and confiscated the hole . ( Horizon , what are you doing next then ? ) " Thank you very much for these items , they are sure to come in handy , " Rolf said to the cleric . " Skitter , we brought all three cultists into one room . I 've already searched one , but if you could search the others , I 'd greatly appreciate it . Um , Tiffany , may I discuss something with you in private ? " Rolf leads Tiffany some distance away from the rest of the group and starts to whisper . " Tiffany , I would like you to take a look at those handwritten books I gave you and see if you can decipher them . Specifically , look for any mentioning of an orb or a cloak . Don 't read it aloud this time , please . Just wait until I ask you about it again . Thank you . " Rolf turned back and walked over to the cleric . " Well , I believe the paladin can guard these cultists while we continue our investigation . We think there may be a bomb hidden in a secret tunnel that Brother Silas knows how to access . However , I had a few questions for you first . First , you mentioned that using bombs wasn 't Zilean 's " style " , so to speak . This may mean the lich we met earlier is an impostor . When we met him , he seemed to have a certain flair for theatrics . Does this seem different from how Zilean behaved before ? Finally , my friend read one of your notices which mentioned a Brother Gerald , who had been working on things the church disagreed with . Do you think he might have anything to do with this ? " Info dump time ! " Ok , this is how this is going to work . One , count them , ONE way for you to leave this room alive : I won 't kill you if you tell me everything I want to know precisely when I ask . No vague , cryptic threats , no misleading comments , no bullshit . I ask , you answer , and when your friend gets here , he can join the fun . " Horizon presses the blade into the necromancer 's throat , just enough that a small line of blood begins to trickle out around it . " So , buddy - where 's the bomb , how do I stop it , and where is the big bad now ? " Horizon releases the man 's mouth , so he can speak his answer . After a moment 's hesitation , Horizon deliver 's a swift punch to the kidney , causing the man to cough and moan . " Quickly , now , we wouldn 't want to be interrupted , now would we ? I wonder , do you think your partner will be very concerned with your own personal safety ? " " Oooh . Huh ? Oh , sure thing Rolf . " Skitter says distractedly , quite pleased with his find . " Oh right , while we 're talking to these guys about stuff , I was promised all I could carry of my choice of wines from your stores as part of my price . " * looks at the portable hole * " Uh , I 'll limit it to what I actually can carry unaided . " Then he goes to search the other cultists as requested . Gather around children for the story of when The Wizard Met the Thief . Please give feedback . I was going more for the Discworld approach to the Thieves Guild , but let me know if something just seems ridiculous for this setting . I liked the backstory on the Thieves Guild . I hope you understand that I found how Tom introduced himself and how Rolf quickly accepted him after very unbelievable . Tom 's actions can only be explained by him showing off , and showing off to a random stranger is unusual . Unless , say , you are attracted to said random stranger . . . But they are in fourth grade . . . I guess being in fourth grade explains how Rolf was so stupidly accepting . . . Hmmm . You might be right . I could justify Tom 's behavior in that he just got " the official badge " that day along with his new assignment and is just looking for someone to brag to . As for Rolf , he probably helped out more for Jimmy than for Tom . Thanks for the feedback , I 'll revise . Everyone select one song you think would be a good theme song for each character in the party , as well as one song to be the group theme song . We 're talking actual songs , from real life . Post links if you want . I will . Get to it ! " Well , I can 't really speak from experience on the matter . I was just a child during those dark times . Our scriptures though describe him as being a ruthless ruler . He stormed the city with a army of undead , quickly occupying it . He threatened to slaughter everyone if we tried to resist him . He seized the town and began converting it into his own base of operations , forcing the inhabitants to work as slaves to fortify it . At the time this temple was merely a secret hovel , enchanted against undead . The resistance , lead by our savior , rose from it . Eventually , he fought the tyrant one - on - one . He was mortally wounded , but his sacrifice allowed for Zileans ultimate defeat , as the whole town rose up against him . I 'm afraid I cannot say how Zilean was dealt with , however : I 'm under an oath of secrecy . You 'll have to talk to the High Priest . He 'd know about those details better than I would , he still has memories of those events . As for brother Gerald . . . Working against the church ? Nonsense ! He was one of the few original resistance members . He took orders directly from our Savior , and later , the High Priest . He and a few others researched artifacts and magic objects for use against Zilean , and later studied what was left over from his rule . Without them , we wouldn 't stand a chance ! He was also my mentor , before tragedy took him . He died from a heart attack , right in front of me , many years ago . Skimming over the books , you see that most of them contain magical formulas and symbols you cannot decipher , along with the religious script . The stuff you can read appears to mostly be illustrations of various objects ( several of which you 've seen in the storage room ) , experiment logs and random comments left by the writer , mostly theorizing the objects application and use . Some of them also reference methods of use against Zilean . All of the books appear to be filled from page to page , with two exceptions : A small , thin book with very few entries , that 's in pretty good contidition . You read all the entries . " - Object appears to be a mundane , decorative orb . No reaction when touched , either by living , undead or other objects . I 'd say it was useless , if we didn 't find it where we did . - Breakthrough made . Upon attempting to identify magic sources within the artifact , it activated , discharging a magical effect onto me . I 'm unharmed and seemingly unaffected by anything . In addition , the orb cracked in several places as it discharged its energy . I 'll refrain from further magical tampering until I can translate the lettering . - Incident occurred . One of our new acolytes , who was sweeping my room , mistook the orb for a scrying orb and tried to use it , causing it to activate again . The boy is unharmed , but the orb is further damaged . Note to self : Lock door next time . - Lettering appears to out - date even the dragons ! It 's a miracle the artifact survived this long . I 'll have to pull a few strings with the thieves guild if I 'm to find any further reliable research materials . - Disaster struck . The acolyte , who caused the incident earlier , is dead . He fell off a scaffolding whilst performing regular repairs . A minute later , the scaffolding collapsed , causing another priest to fall to his death . I cannot help but suspect that the orb is somehow connected to both events . - My earlier suspicions are confirmed . The lettering appears to have belonged to one of the first few civilized races in history . Roughly translated , the message reads : " Invoke me ~ know death . " - Diverting all focus on finding an alternate method of destroying the orb . I pray I survive long enough to do so . The alternative is unacceptable . I refuse to have any more blood on my hands . " - The lettering gradually becomes messy , losing the religious script and filling single pages to the brim , making it difficult to read . - The final few pages are smudged with blood and stuck together . The rest of the book is blank . Taking this moment of privacy as an opportunity , Skitter decided to check through the portable hole for anything that might have been left in there from its previous use . It 's sometimes surprising what the young can manage to get their hands on . Afterall , they 'd gotten their hands on this portable hole and they were pretty dang expensive magic items in themselves . Horizon lets out a dissatisfied sigh , and delivers another kidney punch . " Keep talking , or I 'll let my hand slip , and get my answers from your friend . " Horizon has no intention of being stealthy or quick . The other should discover what 's going on , and he is ready for it . As for the portable hole , the paladins mostly emptied it after they confiscated it ( Mostly because it still had one of the acolytes trapped inside ) . You do find a few old jawbreakers and shiny marbles though . Ramsus " Well . . . . I can always use them as improvised ball bearings ? " Thought Skitter . Then he proceeded to stuff all the loot he 'd found into it and returned to tell the others about the whole lot of nothing he found on the cultists . " My apologies , sir . I had only read that his quarters had been sealed , and I 'm afraid I jumped to conclusions . Um , I have a few more questions , but I 'd like to speak with my friend for a moment please . " He leads Tiffany some distance away from the cleric . " Alright , did you find anything about the cloak or the orb ? Skitter shadowported in there and handed them to me when he came out , along with those books . I haven 't tried on the cloak yet , but when I inspected the orb , it seemed to " activate " , sending a spell into me , and then crumbled into dust . So what did you find ? " . . . So should I just roll up another character now or what ? This doesn 't count . We have previously established that " doing something stupid " requires prior knowledge of the risk before committing to the action ( Intimidating Lizzie vs . Pulling the " Cloak " out ) . Rolf had no idea that the orb was a death ball when he examined it . I 'm not going to panic yet . So an orb that 's been around since the dawn of civilization has just cursed me to a seemingly circumstantial death . I 'm sure there 's an out somewhere . Well now wait . The one guy activated the orb , but he survived ( or did he not ? I forget ) , but it killed that kid right away , as well as someone who never touched it . The rules seem to be more complicated than that . I don 't know what you 're all freaking out about . There are a whole bunch of clerics here who both are the ones responsible for the deathball and owe us . Even if Rolf dies we 'll just guilt them into raising him . Or we switch sides and make him a lich . Rolf 's face turned pale as Tiffany relayed what the book had said about the orb . " Well , that 's . . . that 's just great . Really . The city 's being invaded by undead , the High priests and paladins are out of town , nobody knows where Knife - Guy went , there 's still a bomb in the building , and I 'm going to die in a few days regardless . W . . . Who would make something like that ? And why ? I mean , if it was just a cursed item you gave to enemies , why the writing telling what it does ? Who would voluntarily subject themselves to INEVITABLE DEATH ! ? ! " The people in the room turned to the two . Rolf tried to calm down . " We gotta . . . we gotta keep to the mission . Tiffany , get the key with the ribbon on it from Skitter . Try using it to open the last silken door and let Brother Silas out . I 'll . . . I 'll go talk to the cleric some more . " Rolf slowly walked back to the cleric . " It seems that we have a few problems . I 'll try to ask only a few more questions . First , is there any way to contact the High Priest and have him send some paladins back early ? The sooner we have people ready to combat the undead the better . Second , after we have disabled the bomb , are there any critical areas that you 'd like us to secure to ensure the wards stay standing ? " He turned to the cultists in the middle of the room . " Although you might want to tell me that somewhere else . " " Finally , we have . . . learned that Brother Gerald 's room was bolted due to a dangerous artifact . Unfortunately , my friend managed to . . . bypass the door , and the artifact activated when I examined it . Before Brother Gerald . . . died , did he mention any countermeasures he had found for the artifact , or where the artifact came from ? " Hopefully the cleric doesn 't try to smite me or something . Edit2 : . . . You know what , Zarhon ? I ain 't even mad right now . Because where there 's life , there 's hope . The orb didn 't insta - kill me , so it might be Rolf 's own little sidequest as we try and save the city . And the sidequest will have loot . And more spells . And a scholarship to the Magic Academy YOU KILLED ME ON JULY 18th at 1 PM YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD . " Okay . " Tiffany walked over to Skitter . " Uh , excuse me , can I have that key with the ribbon on it ? " She asked Skitter , approaching him from behind . " Sure thing Tiff . " Skitter said and handed over the key . " I think I 'll stick with you for now since Rolf seems to be having some sort of meltdown . Maybe when we 're done with this task you 'll accompany me in searching the secret passageway I found ? " ( Hey , we could always screw with the prophesy - fueled device by finding one of Skitter 's vampire relatives and turning Rolf . See , that 's the trick to prophecies . Yes , they 'll railroad you but , you can screw with them by instead of fighting the train , just putting down a different set of tracks . ) " I 'm afraid not , lad . He never spoke to me about his work and forbid me from entering his room . The last time I was with him , we went to ring the bells together . He suddenly yelled at me . When I turned around , he was on the floor , clutching his chest . He was pretty old , so our healing wasn 't enough to save him . When I later went to clean his room , I found his journal . I read all about it , and then told it to the High Priest . He had the room sealed off to prevent anyone from touching the orb again and accidentally triggering it . I asked the High Priest about the artifact a bit . He said it was found , protected by a myriad of traps , inside Zilean 's treasury . They assumed it was something important , like his phylactery , or something he needed for his plans . I am sorry to hear about your . . . misfortune . If it is any consolation , Gerald was alive for about two months since he activated that thing . " " Well , the wards themselves extend to the whole temple . Any part that undertook significant damage , ( like , say the roof of the main hall ) would no longer count as " part of the temple " and wouldn 't be protected . As for the source of the wards , it 's currently being guarded by Lizzie , and she 's more than capable of dealing with any thieves . If the cultists are trying to bomb the temple , they 'd probably try to destroy some structural areas . The pillars within our wine rites room . . . A few pillars within our main hall . . . and possibly the catacombs and attic . The catacombs , though , are already in shoddy condition . It wouldn 't take much to cause them to cave in and make a large hole in our main hall . It wouldn 't be a big deal for the wards though . " " Contacting the High Priest ? I don 't think so . He 's warded himself from scrying to prevent interruptions via magic . Hmmm . . . Ah ! Of course ! The bells ! Back when the resistance was at its peak , there was a special signal we could send with the main bell , that would be heard from miles away and would specifically warn the populace of Zilean , whilst being unhearable by any undead . There 's a device in the storage room , that will let us repeat the signal . * He heads to the room , and hands you a device , shaped like a dove * You 'll have to attach it to the bell , then ring it as hard as you can . With any luck , everybody in the entire town and several miles away from it , including the High Priest , will be alerted ! The downside , however , is that it would also alert Zilean 's non - undead followers as well . . . Rolf paused as he processed what he had heard . " Thank you for trusting me with this information . It 's good to know that I have some time at least . Besides , we might be on the trail of the one person who knows the answers about the orb . Now we 've got a plan , but there 's little time and so much to do . " He headed back with the cleric to the main group . " Tiffany , Skitter , we 've got a few places to look for bombs . First things first , open that door and let Brother Silas out . I know Skitter can access it , but not all of us can shadowport . Speaking of bombs . . . " He pulls out the wand that Skitter said had frozen him , and went to the conscious cultist that was in the High Priest 's room . " Now , my friend found a crate on your person that we know used to hold one of the bomb components . I am very keen to know where YOUR bomb was placed . Now , since this is a hallowed place , I cannot threaten you with death . However , I 'm sure this paladin here can give me pointers about how much pain I am allowed to inflict upon you . Care to share with us ? " ( Roll for Intimidate , few to no ranks . Possible bonus if the paladin is willing to play along ) Angel / Sin . Also , in some alternate realities , Ratatosk is bisexual or Homosexual but that usually only happens when Sin / Angel is a guy . Also , one funny universe I have going is where Tiffany was adopted by Jackie Estacado from the Darkness series ( the comics , not the games ) . I mean , I 've never RP 'd anything like that . It 's just the logistics . Changing nothing vs . changing everything , and then people try to use the " Marty Mcfly Law of Averages " ( Just get your parents to the dance and the time streams fine ? The kid was lucky he was still BORN ) . Then there 's running into yourself , information that comes from nowhere ( if your future self told you , where did she get it from ? ) , and all sorts of shenanigans . Yeah , I think about this too much . Why ? Well , something bad happened and the world was destroyed in her time . Thankfully , we made it so that won 't happen by releasing the evil Arceus , Yami , early and kicking his butt into a stronger seal . The kicker ? Sin is a giant whale monster thingy who can turn human . Edit : And she made it so Pokemon were in charge and the humans are the ' pokemon ' . Also , Gijinkas exist as a middle class group . We have one in our group . She 's an Aggron gijinka . No , I 've been busy but I mostly listen to japanese and background music . @ Ramsus : Me too . It lets me get away with a ton of stuff . It irritated my ex - friend , Mia , though . Lyntermas Personally , I like Homestuck 's version of time travel . There is an Alpha timeline , and an infinite number of Beta timelines . There can be several " you 's " running around , and as long as there 's no paradoxes , you 're fine ( technically , it 's just one person going through everything ) . You can go back in time and change something , but by doing so you erase your timeline and become a " time clone . " And time clones do not have very long lifespans . At all . As in the universe tries to kill them . I subscribe to the " set in stone vs time can be rewritten " timey - wimey stuff . Most events are meant to happen , and will happen no matter what you do to change it . The circumstances change , but the result is the same . Only in very select events can history be changed , and in those cases paradoxes and other irritants tend to roll themselves out through those same circumstancial changes . " Evil bad guys who like torturing broken women / kids . " It 's a good thing we 're on the same team then ( my advice ? don 't have her try to kill herself around Horizon . Will end badly for everyone ) . Good luck with moving . As for myself , I 'm going up north to Idaho on Friday . It will be a long drive so I won 't be able to update until sometime Saturday . Ick . I hate any kind of " fate " stuff . It ends up boiling down to choices people make not mattering at all . Which undercuts any themes or meaning a story can be telling by sending the message " Sure , you can choose to be good , bad , strange , normal , whatever . Kill the orphans for profit , save them at the cost of your one true love , use good for evil purposes , or vice versa . In the end it doesn 't matter at all because the Arbitrary Cosmic Will will bend you over and have its way with history no matter what . Seriously , just roll over , give up , and turn your brain off already . " Just a status update : All three of the cultists are tied up in the High Priest 's room and are stable , two of which are out of comission for now . Sister Ivy is guarding them and healing the paladin , who she dragged here . He 'll need a few minutes to recover . Skitter and Tiffany are in the hall . Rolf is interrogating . The door to brother Silas 's chamber opens with the ribbon - key , revealing a rather bare chamber . It 's only features are padded silk walls , a few colorful tapestries , depicting religious motifs , a sleeping mat , a knee - high table , surrounded by several couishions . A few books are stacked up in one corner . A priest , wearing crude clothing , is sitting there , praying silently . He turns his head as he hears the two of them enter , slightly confused with their presence . He walked over to the silken door and looked at the man within . " Brother Silas , I presume ? We have need of your services . Long story short , necromancers have attacked this city , and have infiltrated this very temple . We believe they have hidden a bomb inside a secret tunnel that you know how to access and DON ' T play dumb , lives are at stake . Now , my friends will escort you to your old room , and you will open the door and help them locate any areas where there are pillars or other areas of structural integrity . " He looked at Tiffany and Skitter . " I have a plan . Assuming that we have encountered most of the ' surprises ' that the temple can throw at us , we can focus our efforts on finding the bombs . You two and Brother Silas will look into the secret tunnel , I 'll take the cleric and that paladin we ran into earlier into the main hall and the attic once the paladin HERE is up and about . We 'll have to trust Knife - Guy to conduct investigations into the catacombs for the moment . Sound like a plan ? Oh , and Tiffany , I need to know exactly what happened with Lizzie . It 's important that you tell me in case I run into her . " Also , knowing what Horizon did to Lizzie is important for Rolf to " properly " ask Horizon 's name . Horizon just talked to her , trying to scare her off . It made her attack him . I don 't know what happened to her after we fell through the stairs . " " " Oh , so now I can finally search the secret passageway I told you about forever ago ? Silas , you go with Tiff , I can find my way on my own and she doesn 't need an escort of two to talk to a whatever a Lizzie is . Probably . " - Crashing the ship so hard that it cracked open , releasing the djinn that had been sealed inside for who knows how long . The djinn turns out to be a bro and helps us escape with our lives - with a brand new sword , tons of rare treasure , and . . . a brand new crisis on our hands . Oh well .
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We met at the copier at work . Steve was flying in to IA from PA every week consulting for the company where I worked . After a few weeks of admiring him from afar I got up the nerve ( thanks to my sister ) to go talk to him . . . . at the copier . Long story short , we dated for a few months , his consulting job in IA ended and he was going to have to return to PA long term . We were disappointed and we talked a lot about what we should do . Steve being the free spirit that he is , said he would move to IL to be with me and find a job here . I won 't lie , I was scared , but I took a leap of faith and agreed . Until we lost our first pregnancy , and our second . During those dark times , Steve helped me love myself even when I thought it was impossible . He was so strong and I will never forget how he took care of me . I know he was sad , scared , and probably angry but he never put his own needs before mine and he never thought of himself before he thought of me . I 've learned so much from Steve . How to communicate better , how to let things go , and how to really love someone . I 'm a better person because of him and I don 't know what I would do without him . I am a big believer in " everything happens for a reason " and I know that is the case with Steve and I . Size of baby : This week , baby girl weighs two and a quarter pounds ( like a Chinese cabbage ) and measures 14 . 8 inches from the top of her head to her heels . She can blink her eyes , which now sport lashes . With her eyesight developing , she may be able to see the light that filters in through the womb . She 's also developing billions of neurons in her brain and adding more body fat in preparation for life in the outside world . Sleep : Sleep is still my biggest issue . My hip / groin / pelvic pain is making it impossible to get comfortable while laying down . I 've gone to the chiropractor twice and I got a massage last night but the pain is still there . Has anyone figured out a way to sleep comfortably ? ? I 'm thinking seriously about trying out the recliner one of these nights . Movement : Her movement has been kind of sporadic lately . Some days she 's punching and kicking like a champ and other days she 's quiet and only gives light taps . I 've still been having quite a few BH contractions but my Dr said I 'm ok unless I have more than four in one hour . Best moment of the week : Passing the glucose test and getting a massage . I just have to say how thankful I am to have such a great husband . He has been so understanding and helpful throughout this pregnancy and he 's always asking if there is anything he can do for me . Just another one of the million reasons I love him ! What I am looking forward to : I think I 've mentioned a few hundred times that I can 't wait for our shower this weekend . I 'll mention it one more time in case anyone missed it . . . . I 'm so excited to see my family and friends ! ! Weekly wisdom : This one comes from my always hilarious Aunt Jody - " opinions are like assholes , everyone has one . " An oldie but goodie for sure ! I received a very thoughtful email from her this week that made me smile - she is such a caring person and I 'm glad to have her in my life . Thanks again Aunt Jody your email made my day ! Pictures : getting bigger ! So , depending on which book / website you look at , I 'm either in or about to be in my third trimester . This hit me last night on a walk with Steve and our dog . Holy shit , in 12 weeks ( give or take ) I 'm going to go into labor . Um , I 'll be honest - I have no idea what I am in for in the labor department . I 've spent all this time researching how to get pregnant , how to stay pregnant , how to have a healthy pregnancy , and what happens during pregnancy that I completely forgot to look at that kind of important part of the process called labor . Since I don 't know much about childbirth , I 've always had the opinion that I would try to do it naturally and if it 's too much to take I 'll ask for some drugs . . . . now I 'm thinking I should probably have a better plan than that . I started reading Ina May 's Guide to Childbirth today - she 's all about natural childbirth and I 'm scared eager to learn more about it . I have to share one of her quotes from the book - " There is no other organ quite like the uterus . If men had such an organ , they would brag about it . So should we . " Amen Ina ! I even ordered a book for Steve that is supposed to help the guy get through the process ( alive ) and hopefully help me at the same time . And of course , we will be taking the childbirth class offered by the hospital I 'll be delivering at ( it starts in a couple of weeks ) . Anyone have any horror stories useful tips they would like to share ? - I 'm having a lot of pain in my hips / groin / pelvic area that makes it hard to walk , impossible to put my pants on while standing up , and has made sleeping very difficult . Anyone else experiencing this ? Ouch . - I 'm so excited for the shower my sister is throwing for me this weekend ! I can 't wait to see all of my family and friends and celebrate our baby girl . Steve 's parents will be here , my best friend from college is going to be in town from Denmark , and some of my family from Chicago will be here too - so exciting ! That 's all for now ~ I hope you are all doing well ! This week , baby weighs 2 pounds ( like a head of cauliflower ) and is about 14 1 / 2 inches long with her legs extended . She 's sleeping and waking at regular intervals , opening and closing her eyes , and perhaps even sucking her fingers . With more brain tissue developing , baby 's brain is very active now . While her lungs are still immature , they would be capable of functioning - with a lot of medical help - if she were to be born now . Sleep has not been great this week . I 'm having a lot of trouble getting comfortable because my hips hurt . I wake up a few times a night laying on my back , which I 've learned is a no , no , but I haven 't figured out a way to stop myself from doing it . Other than hip pain , I still have swelling in my feet and I get winded pretty easily . My heart burn has calmed down this week so that is great news ! Hands down the best moment of the week was finding out that baby girl was ok after our scare on Friday . Of course , all of the worst thoughts were going through my head when the nurse couldn 't find her heartbeat and I can 't express the relief and happiness I felt when that whooshing sound finally came across the monitor . Thankfully , she has been moving around like normal since then . After a rough and emotional week , I 'm beat . I want to say thank you to everyone who posted advice about ultrasounds , as always I appreciate your comments and support . And a special thanks to a very dear friend who shared these words of wisdom , " Surround yourself with genuine people ( even if it is just a few ) and rejoice that you have the power to allow people in your life . " Nothing . I quit my account over the weekend and I am still alive ( going through withdrawal , but still alive ) . Steve and I have always had a love / hate relationship with facebook . He very rarely uses his account and he used to tease me all the time about how addicted I was to the site . He has said numerous times that it 's great to reconnect with old friends from school and family that lives far away , but other than that , it 's annoying . He would look at facebook once a night for a couple of seconds and end up saying something like , " Why does this need to be on facebook ? ? " I , on the other hand , will be the first to admit that I am / was a facebook addict . I checked it on my phone - who knows how many times a day , and I checked it on my laptop at home - who knows how many times a night . Always expecting something new , some big news , something . . . . I think there are a lot of good things about facebook , I really do . I stalked looked at Steve on it before I actually spoke to him in person , I got in touch with my old boss - which led to my current job , I shared pictures with Steve 's family members that are 10 hours away . But , I recently realized how lazy facebook has made me in my relationships . I can say happy birthday to someone instead of calling them . I can look at their status and comment or " like " it instead of actually having a conversation about how their life is going . I can look at their pictures without actually listening to an explanation of the great event they just had in their life . None of these things are necessarily bad , but over the past few months , it has begun to have a different effect on me that I didn 't like . I felt left out . I could see what my friends were doing all the time and I would wonder why I wasn 't invited or why I hadn 't heard from them in awhile . Then I wondered if I was making other people feel like that , maybe , maybe not , I don 't know . I don 't think anyone intends for this to happen , but it does . What did we do before facebook ? Actually use a phone ? Write our friends and loved one 's birthdays on a calendar and send them a card ? Get together and have conversations ? So I 'm trying something new . I quit facebook 3 days ago and it 's hard . There are a few times a day I get online and start to type , http : / / www . fac / . . . . oh wait , I 'm not on there anymore . Maybe I 'll go back one day , or maybe I won 't . . . . I received the comment below on my blog post from yesterday . Instead of approving it to be shown only as a comment on my post I thought I would make it a whole post of it 's own . Just some back story , I know this person IRL . He obviously reads my blog and has very strong opinions about how my husband and I have decided to take care of our pregnancy . I have spoken to him in person a handful of times in my life and it was not about infertility or what Steve and I have gone through . Glad to hear everything is ok . Sounds like you were dehydrated . Granted , Gynaecology is merely a HOBBY of mine , you might want to consider cancelling your upcoming 4D ultrasound . In 2004 , the FDA cautioned women to avoid " entertainment ultrasounds . " In 2006 the National Academy of Sciences declared that ultrasounds should ONLY be used during pregnancy for necessary medical purposes ( such as your unfortunate event on Thursday , counting limbs , determining fetal position , etc . ) . I feel obligated as a human to inform you that the American Medical Association ALSO OPPOSES routine ultrasound screening . Albeit their studies have only confirmed major brain & tissue damage in infant & fetal mice , one could imagine the damage it could do to a 3 - 4 lb . fetus 's developing brain . I only wish to inform you , because ( a ) your upcoming 4D ultrasound appears to be your 6th or 7th ultrasound in 28 weeks , and ( b ) none of these bloggers who ( presumably ) read baby books have commented on this . I would suggest getting a new doctor - - or at least getting another doctor 's opinion on getting a 4D ultrasound , at this stage in your pregnancy . Someone should ALSO remind you - - - that THIS baby is coming , regardless of whether or not you get to see pictures of it in the womb . When your baby is a 5 y . o . , these ultrasound pictures will be long forgotten . . . . But will the effects of the ultrasounds be gone as well ? ? I would hate to see a couple who has been through " so much , " be uninformed or uneducated about such a potentially - hazardous procedure . I am obviously NOT a doctI started writing to get things out , to show the journey that Steve and are going through , and to share our experiences with other people . I will be honest , comments like this make me want to stop writing my blog . But then I think about the friendships I have made and the support we have received and I don 't want to give those things up . Where to begin . . . . I 'll start with saying baby girl hasn 't been her normal , active self since Wednesday morning . It made me nervous , but she was still kicking every once in awhile so I was trying to stay calm . Last night , Steve and I went for our usual walk with the dog and a little over half way home I started feeling bh contractions and cramps and I felt very nauseous and out of breath . I had to sit down . Steve ran the rest of the way home , got the car and came back to get me . I drank some water , laid on my left side and I was having more bh contractions . After about an hour I felt a little better but I was still nauseous so I went to bed . This morning I woke up feeling sick and the baby still wasn 't active like she has normally been in the morning . I called my Dr 's office and of course , she was in surgery . The nurse said she would get back to me when the Dr came in . So I waited and waited and finally got a call back 3 hours later . The nurse told me to go to labor and delivery and have them monitor the baby . So to the hospital we went . I don 't think I 've ever been so nervous in my life . We were put in a room and a nurse came in to hook me up to the fetal monitor . Then came the longest 10 minutes of my life , she couldn 't find the baby 's heart beat . I was starting to feel panicked and I could see the worry on Steve 's face . Thankfully , another nurse came in and found her little heart beat pretty quickly . So after being monitored for an hour the nurse said everything looked good ( her heart beat was between 140 - 150 and I had three contractions ) of course , about 30 minutes into the test she was moving around like crazy , more than I have felt in days . The nurse said that they wanted to do an ultrasound to be 100 % sure she was doing ok . The nurse told me to take it easy this weekend , rest a lot , and up my fluids . She said with the weather this hot I could be getting a little dehydrated . If my contractions get stronger and more regular I am supposed to go back to the hospital . How far along : 26 weeks - I feel like the first 20 weeks flew by and now time is creeeeeping so slowly . I know it 's because I just can 't wait to meet our little one ! 14 weeks to go ! Size of baby : She now weighs about a pound and two - thirds and measures 14 inches ( the size of an English hothouse cucumber - not sure what that is ? ) from head to heel . The network of nerves in her ears is better developed and more sensitive than before . She 's inhaling and exhaling small amounts of amniotic fluid , which is essential for the development of her lungs . These so - called breathing movements are also good practice for when she 's born and takes that first gulp of air . Sleep : Sleep has still been pretty good but there are times I wake up on my back and that is not a pleasant experience . I 'm getting more and more tired in the afternoons , so much for the " energetic " second trimester . I 'm a bit emotional this week . There I said it . And even though I wouldn 't trade any of these pregnancy symptoms for anything in the world , I have to get it out . 1 . Heartburn . After every single thing I eat ( even breakfast cereal ) . Thank God for tums is all I can say . I try to think of them as a chalky tasty after meal mint . 3 . The scale . Holy shit . I have been purposely not getting on the damn thing , but for some reason I thought it would be a good idea last night . Well , it wasn 't . I have never seen anywhere close to the number that was staring back at me . Look , I know I 'm supposed to gain weight , I 'm all for it . But 25 pounds ? ? ? I 'm only 25 weeks pregnant - I still have 15 weeks to go . I now take full responsibility for eating like a cow ( the nutty bars weren 't such a great idea I guess ) and not continuing my nightly walk with the dog . 4 . Heat . I tried to go to a baseball game on Sunday and went home a whopping 20 minutes later . I become a scarlet faced , heavy breathing mess in the heat . Cold air is my best friend these days . And I love when strangers come up to me and say , " You planned your pregnancy for the wrong time of year ! " Really ? ? Because the time of year was my main priority when going through IVF . 5 . Fear . I still get scared . Scared something might happen to her , scared she 'll come too early , just scared in general . But I keep trying to remind myself that I am going to be scared for her even after she comes . Such is the life of a parent , right ? Ok , so leave it to a first time pregnant person ( me ) to not know what 's going on with my expanding stomach . I 've never been very good at describing what 's going on with my body , so when my Dr asked me at our last appointment if I had been having any braxton hicks contractions I naturally said . . . . " I don 't know , what do they feel like ? " She told me they feel like a tightening in my abdomen . That description didn 't really help me to grasp what I should be looking for , so I just figured I wasn 't having them . The other night when we were visiting my sister Kelsey , she asked me if I had been having any BH . I said I wasn 't sure and asked her what they felt like . She said it feels like your stomach gets really really hard and tight . Hmmm , I think I 've felt a hardening ? Then she said it feels like the baby curls up into a tight ball and you can feel it on the surface . Ok , I 've definitely been feeling that ! I just thought it was a cute trick the baby was doing in there and I was pointing it out to Steve every time it happened - " Come feel , the baby 's all bunched up in a super hard ball ! " ( Thank you to my sister for helping me figure out what BH contractions are ! ) So I 've been feeling them from time to time over the past few weeks , but last night I had quite a few of them and I 'm wondering . . . . should I be counting them ? Can you have too many BH contractions ? I counted four in an hour from 8 : 30 - 9 : 30 last night and then I went to bed . I 'm not sure if they were brought on by the extremely hot day or what ? From what I could find in my pregnancy books , dehydration and a full bladder can bring them on and as long as they aren 't painful they are normal . Right around when I have a BH contraction , I have trouble catching my breath or getting a full breath , is this normal ? Anyone have any advice ? How far along : 25 weeks - amazing . Size of baby : Head to heels , baby girl now measures about 13 1 / 2 inches . Her weight , a pound and a half , isn 't much more than an average rutabaga , but she 's beginning to exchange her long , lean look for some baby fat . As she does , her wrinkled skin will begin to smooth out and she 'll start to look more and more like a newborn . She 's also growing more hair - and if you could see it , you 'd now be able to discern its color and texture . More work on baby 's room - we decided to switch out the frames for the flower pictures to small white ones , I love how it looks - I 'll post pictures later . More cleaning - the basement is finally organized and put back together ! This took a whole day and part of another day , if that tells you anything . Yard work - ugh . It 's still not completely done but it 's better than it was .
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October 14 , 2015 · 7 : 29 pm Thanksgiving It 's always kind of weird to come back to where I grew up . I 've been back in S . Park the past few days for a mini vacation due to Thanksgiving , and sitting here in my childhood bedroom , I 'm struck by how many memories this one room holds for me . The walls are bright blue and green , a testament to my teenage taste and personality , the furniture maple - toned , matching the hardwood floor that runs throughout the house . It isn 't a large room , but yet the furniture fits comfortably , the single bed marking that period in my life where I wanted as much floor space as possible so I could stretch undisturbed ( though how often I actually did that is debatable ) . If I think about the walls and furniture , though , I must remember that they weren 't always that way , not when I was in my prima ballerina faze and white furniture handed down from my mother stood in the room , softer pinks , blues and greens dominating my décor . Yet even before then , as a small child , primary colours chosen by my mother were all the rage , stuffed animals my most intimate friends and devoted company . I look back at the walls and notice that though the colour is bright it sometimes is hard to make out due to how many objects cover them , from ceiling to floor . The objects on the wall document everything from festivals and performances I participated in , to past travels , accomplishments , birthday parties , and art projects . They range in age , some dating back to the last few months of the 80s , others to just a few years ago , a timeline of the most important events within my past 26 years : a photo of my first Christmas , a poster of my first semi - professional Ukrainian dance tour , spoons from various places I 've traveled , my university degree . Every object tells a story , hearkens back to the fleshed - out moment it now symbolizes . The books do the same . Stacks upon stacks of books are piled into every nook and cranny , books I haven 't finished , books I 've read once or twice , and books that have been supremely loved over the years . Each book , each photo album , each journal and notebook represents a part of me , my interests ( whether they remain the same or have changed ) , my story , another timeline . The old school binders tell an even more specific story as they showcase the work I actually did , the subjects I excelled in and those that provided an intellectual struggle ( whether I wanted to admit it or not ) . Most important , though , of all these things I find in my room are the little secret things hidden in cracks and at the back of drawers , the sneakiest places in the closet . The paper notes my friends and I passed in class ( before anyone had a cellphone ) ; the ticket stubs of movies and shows I 'd seen ; the paint chips I saved in anticipation of having my own house ; the musings I wrote down before I started a blog . When I read those notes and take out the ticket stubs and paint chips and travel back to each moment in time , I can see that I truly have lived . I had opinions and feelings in each of those moments , and those opinions and feelings motivated me to write that note or see that film or dream about what was yet to come and put those thoughts on paper . And looking back to then from now , I can see how this girl who is myself has grown from the person I was to the person I am , never changing completely , but rather becoming more and more me as each day passes . You may be wondering what the point of this post is . I 'm not sure I truly know myself . All I know is that for the past hour or so I 've sat here in silence , taking the time to appreciate the experiences I 've had while anticipating those to come , something I hardly ever do . August 11 , 2015 · 11 : 23 pm Upside - Down ? Have you ever lain on your back and stared at the ceiling until everything that was upside - down looked right side up ? Windows touch the floor and stucco becomes carpet , ceiling fans intricate tables that you could never eat off of , delicate and beautiful as they are … August 10 , 2015 · 12 : 29 pm My Priceless Broadway Experience * * * Before I begin my story , I just need to say that I didn 't realize how long it would be . So if you 've clicked on this post in mere curiosity of my Broadway audition experience , I suggest you have a nice , cold drink in your hand . Or a coffee . * * * Ladies and gents , I have just auditioned for my first Broadway show ! Honestly , it feels quite a bit surreal to know that I 've done that and I now sit here reflecting on the experience , especially since many wonderful , supportive people are dying to hear details . Well , what better way to relate what transpired than right here in this philosophical space ? Cue flashback music … ah , this will work : Thursday , July 23 . It did not start particularly as I would like as I found out that my place of work no longer exists and I , among many , was now out of a job . Spending a few hours at a nearby pub coupled with retail therapy at a local consignment store , I didn 't get home until about suppertime , tired , hungry , and a wee tad depressed . I flipped open my laptop to check the necessities ( ahem , email and Facebook ) and just happened to notice that one of the groups I 'm a part of had a new posting . Clicking on the link , I found myself face to face with unbelievable words emblazoned on my screen : " Want to Be the Green Girl ? Wicked Holding Open Calls for Broadway . " That was my exact reaction . That 's right , good people , Telsey and Company were holding auditions for an Ensemble member who would just happen to be the understudy for Elphaba . The MAIN CHARACTER . Now , if you 're not a theatre person , perhaps this may be a tad confusing . " Understudy ? " you might say . " Do you even get to be on stage ? Is that even worth it ? " Yes , my good fellow , indeed it is , because if the lead ever gets sick , BOOYAH , it 's all you , baby ! And if you understudy the role , perhaps one day you might even replace the current lead when she moves on to another show . Not to mention , this call was 100 % completely open ! Anyone and everyone who wanted to audition could , no Equity rules to mind ! All of these thoughts ran through my mind in a matter of seconds and almost instantly I could feel a little pull , a tug inside my gut . I knew what that tug was saying , but I am a practical person ( or so I like to think ) . I couldn 't just hop on a flight to be in New York for the day ; I had just lost my job ! What I should be doing is looking for work or setting something up with students of mine to continue lessons . Click . My mouse opened a new browser and I was suddenly casually typing " cheap NYC flights " into Google . My eyes scanned the possibilities . Hmm … not too bad , if I didn 't care what time my flights were . With specific requirements , however , it would definitely be more expensive , like … yeah , okay , that 's a wee bit more . I wonder what would happen if … Wait . I pulled up short . Am I actually considering this ? Fingers drumming the table , I took a breath and did the only logical thing : I sent a Tweet and called my Mom . The thing with calling my Mom about these kind of things is that she never says , " No , don 't do it . " Instead she says things like , " Well , looks like you 're going to have to think about it , " and " There 's only one way you 'll know , " both things that would only feed the growing ache inside me . Friends ' comments on Facebook did not help : I stood my ground , though . I closed my laptop and went to sleep . I woke up at about 8 the next morning , fully intending on going to the gym and instead found myself booking a return flight to New York City for the day of the audition . The response ? Cue the lovely Bev ! She commented on the above post offering to share tips of wisdom from the time she previously spent in New York auditioning for Broadway shows . Well , lucky day ! I sent her a message begging her to give me all her tips . They were as follows : Thing # 1 : Though the poster says not to show up before 1 : 30pm , do get there early so you can see what the situation looks like . Others may try lining up as early as 6am . Better to find somewhere close by and wait than be late ! ( Fair enough . I was getting there before 8am anyway . ) Thing # 2 : Be prepared for typing . What is " typing , " you ask ? Typing is " when they collect everyone 's resume and headshot and bring them into the casting room and they come back out and announce who they actually want to sing . Aka they need someone who looks a certain way and they don 't want to hear anyone not fitting that mould . They may type for height … they can type in anything . " ( Whew , well that would suck if I flew all the way down for nothing … although I am the same height as Idina Menzel … ) Thing # 3 : If there 's a list going around , sign it . Sometimes someone will start an unofficial list of people who are " in line " and give it to those running the auditions . They may honour it , they might not . But sign the list . ( O - okay … ) Thing # 4 : Bring your book . In addition to the cut of music they request you to sing , have two or three others songs ready to sing that highlight what your voice can do in case they ask . You don 't want to be caught off guard . That 's amateur , and Broadway producers don 't take well to amateur . ( Well , thank goodness I 've got some pieces lying around , though now I need to dust them off … ) Thing # 6 : Be prepared for the girls to get loud , especially since Telsey is a small space . ( I 'm sure I can take them . ) Thing # 7 : Be prepared for the producers not to look at you much . ( Ouch . Hit to my ego … but note taken . Also , I kind of want to sing " Be Prepared " from Disney 's The Lion King right about now … ) Thing # 8 : It might be a good idea to get a travel data plan for the day , since WiFi is hard to come by . ( Why do I need a data plan ? ) Thing # 9 : You 'll need the data plan in order to check auditionupdate . com . It 's a great tool to be aware of because people will be posting things like how many people are currently in line , thoughts about the audition process , possibility of typing , if someone has started a list , and the like . ( Data plan it is ! ) Thing # 10 : Wear something that 's classy , comfortable , and you . Most girls tend to dress up in dresses and heels , but if that 's not you , then don 't worry about . You can wear jeans and a nice top and it 's fine . Also , wearing glasses is fine . ( Yes ! I love my glasses ! ) A long list of tips , I know , but they really did help . I put together my book and headshot / resumé combos , purchased a travel data plan , scoped out auditionupdate . com , and checked Google Maps for the easiest way to get from the airport to the studio . All I needed now was to make sure I had some clean clothes and pack my backpack with the required items . Alas , disaster : the laundry room in my building was busy the entire day on Sunday so I couldn 't get any laundry done . My outfit choices became reduced to one possibility : patterned pants and a top that I had previously worn that week but luckily did not show sweat marks and didn 't smell . Not my best option , but it was the best I had . Throw in my favourite pair of comfy lace - up pumps and I was feeling okay . Next step : what time would I need to wake up ? Well , the flight was leaving at 6 : 30am , so I should be there around 5 : 30am . It takes about 15 minutes to get to the airport , remember I have to find parking , and I really should shower and wash my hair , which means I need to do my hair , so … 4 : 15am . That settled , I went to sleep around 11 : 30pm , just praying that I would fall asleep fast and get as much out of those 4 hours and 45 minutes as possible . The thing about me and setting a wake up time , however , is that I usually give myself the benefit of the doubt and , due to a desire of wanting to sleep as much as possible and believing that " this time I will actually be quick to get ready , " I usually end up needing 15 more minutes than I give myself to be fully ready . Monday was no different . 4 : 15am hit and " Stand Out " from Disney 's A Goofy Movie blared out from my iPad . I groggily got up , stumbled into the shower , and proceeded to get ready in a leisurely - quick sort of way . It 's no wonder that by the time I started doing my hair , I had about 10 minutes until I needed to leave , and I still needed to get dressed and get out the door . Grumbling to myself about being foiled again , I finished up as quickly as possible and was out on the road by 5 : 25am , five minutes before I needed to be at the airport . In due time I was there , but not before I realized that this was an international flight and they usually require one to be at the airport earlier than domestic flights . I really hoped that my tardiness would not prove to be a problem . Alas , like all obstacles that God decides to throw in the way , just for fun ( or as a reminder to wake up 15 minutes earlier ) , the security line was moving at an all - time slow , and I still had to go through immigration pre - screening . Of course . I checked the time . 6 : 00am . The flight would just be starting to board and I still wasn 't through security . The jitters were starting to get to me . I entertained thoughts of asking the people ahead of me if I could bud , but I didn 't want to risk judgmental looks or scoldings . I opted instead to breathe deep and pray , and eventually I got to the other side , the Promised Land that was Gate 12 . I stopped only to grab some water and a bag of chips ( the Timmies had no breakfast sandwiches ) , and in time was on the plane and fast asleep . We touched down at La Guardia Airport right on time . My task now ? Freshen up , get some food , and get Midtown . Easy peasy , right ? Fairly . Of course , it was rush hour on a Monday morning in New York City , so traffic was bound to be slow , something that was confirmed as our " express " bus tried to cross from Queens into Manhattan . I was supposed to get off at Penn Station , but by the time we arrived at Grand Central Station we were already on the road for about 45 minutes and it would 've taken me the same amount of time if I walked . I had a better idea : take the subway to Times Square from Grand Central . Hey , it was no skin off my back . Grand Central is beautiful and the subway is cheap . I slipped off the bus and followed the crowds towards the 7 , my stride matching theirs as my feet picked up the rhythm of my previous trip to NYC . 15 minutes later I emerged into the midst of stereotypical New York , the roar of traffic a constant din and the lights from the mile - high billboards blinding even in fully - risen daylight . I took a breath , soaking in the sights and sounds , and then sped off with a purposeful stride to reach Tesley and Company , a mere block and a half away . As I approached the location Google Maps pinpointed for me ( thanks again , Bev , for the data plan tip ! ) , I could see a small group of young women congregating by a chain link fence across the street from where the auditions were being held . I caught the eye of one of the girls and nodded , she returning my knowing expression and adding a vocal affirmative to confirm my suspicions that these girls were here for the same purpose I was . I noticed one of them had a paper in her hand . " List ? " I asked . " Yup , " she replied , and I moved forward to sign it . Number 50 . Man , some of these girls must have been here early , I thought to myself ( 4am , to be exact , I later found out ) . Thing # 3 completed , I left to go find a Staples . Turns out in preparing my book I had forgotten to print off a copy of the audition cut and now I needed to fix that . That was a relatively quick fix , and with a quick stop to Starbucks for some caffeine , I traipsed back to that same chain link fence , surprised by relatively less girls than before . Why ? " They told us to leave , " one girl said when I asked where everyone went . " We can 't even wait over here . " Ah . Where should I go then ? " There 's a Westin just east , across the street . They sometimes let people sit in there . " Sounds like a great plan . I turned around and left , finding a comfy chair to sit in and check the status of auditionupdate . com . To my surprise , the girl I had been speaking with plopped down in the seat next to me and promptly pulled out a book . Tick tock , tick tock . About a half hour went by before we spoke again . She was tired of sitting around and had decided to see if any nearby studios were available for her to warm up . Wait a minute … there are studios you can rent to warm up in ? This totally blew my mind ! She said I was welcome to come with her , so I packed up my book , hoisted my bag onto my shoulders , and off we went in search of Pearl Studios , just a few blocks away . We each rented our own studio for a half hour ( after I veered off to find an ATM to get cash ) where I had a ball of a time playing around on the piano , wanting to do that rather than actually warm up . I figured I better put my $ 13 to good use , though , and did my best not to panic about how tired my voice was sounding thanks to my early start . I wasn 't completely convinced that I was warmed up after a half hour , but it was a start and I still had at least a couple hours until my audition . The girl and I didn 't cross paths after we went into our separate studios , so I went in search of some lunch and then headed back to my seat at the Westin . Only about 45 minutes to go until 1 : 30pm ! I was starting to get a little bit nervous , wondering exactly what would happen when all the girls rushed Telsey 's doors . Well , I was about to find out because before I knew it , 1 : 15pm hit and a group of girls a few metres away began whooping and collecting their things . I looked to my left and noticed another girl who had also started collecting her things , obviously an auditionee like myself . We made eye contact and admitted we were both here for the audition and had no clue what we expected . We moved outside , closer to Telsey 's offices where employees were still shooing girls away . Wow , when they say 1 : 30pm , they mean 1 : 30pm . When at about 1 : 25pm a mad rush began towards the door , however , the tidal wave of hopefuls succeeded to penetrate the barrier , pink and green slips grasped tightly in at least 200 hands , mine one of them . I looked at the top lefthand corner of my slip and read my audition time : 4 : 10pm and I wasn 't supposed to arrive until 5 minutes before I had to go up . Whew , another two and a half hours ' wait until I had to be back . What to do , what to do ? The girl I had just met was in the same boat as she had the same time slot . We decided to grab some Starbucks and then head back to the Westin to wait . Initially I thought perhaps I 'd have some time to do other things in New York City while I waited , like visit the Strand Bookstore , but no dice . See , if you think about it , Times Square is kind of an awkward place to be when you want to kill a couple hours , because there really isn 't anything around other than Broadway , and as much as I would have loved to see a show while I waited , 2 . 5 hours really isn 't enough time . Plus , I had no idea what was playing , especially since it was a Monday , typically dark day central . So , the Westin it was . It was fine , though , This girl , Callie ( spelling ? ) , and I actually had a good chat about what brought us to this audition , and how theatre and Broadway had touched our lives . She actually had a brilliant story as her friends had all pitched in to buy her a flight the New York as they knew she wouldn 't get one for herself . What a story ! I also had the privilege to meet one of her best friends who decided to surprise her at the Westin with his presence . A very sweet man , indeed . Time went by . We chatted , listened to the accompaniment , checked out the sheet music , walked around , stretched , and just killed time . I kept checking Facebook from time to time , truly touched by the messages I was receiving from friends from Edmonton , Ottawa , Dublin , all over : Except it was too late . I was sniffling here and there , simply overwhelmed by the amount of support I was receiving from various parts of the globe , so much so that I had to retreat to the ladies ' room several times to make sure I was presentable . But I had no more time ! It was now 4 : 00pm and I needed to be on my way . Callie and I gathered our things , said good bye to her best friend , and make the very easy trek back to the Telsey Offices . There were several girls already waiting as Callie and I handed in our filled - out slips to those working the auditions , some warming up , most just talking excitedly ( I see , what you meant , Bev , about the girls getting loud ) . The clock struck 4 : 10pm and we were all ushered into an elevator , someone making a joke about how everyone deserves a chance to fly ( hey , someone had to say it ) . They separated us into two groups , depending on what colour slip we received 2 . 5 hours earlier , the pinks filing in line behind the greens . The room we entered was long and narrow , one wall lined with six doors leading into different studios , the other plastered with framed posters of shows Telsey and Company had no doubt previously produced . We passed the first two doors ( auditioning for Netflix and something else that I can 't remember ) , my pink group halting near Door # 3 . The girl manning that particular studio called out each of our names whereupon we were to hand her our resumé and headshot so she could staple our slip to the goods . We then lined up in that order , waiting for the girl ahead of us to be finished with the audition , the last note of the cut clearly heard in 30 second intervals from behind the two doors reserved for the Wicked auditions . We shuffled forward until the girl ahead of me stepped into the fateful room and I was next . This was it . The moment when either everything or nothing would change . I tried to breathe , but it was difficult , and to my horror I found myself choking up again as I thought of everyone who had backed me in the past and especially today . It almost felt like all the prayers that were promised me that day were suddenly washing over me in that moment , this " gift of tears " welcomed and despised all at once . The door opened and the girl ahead of me vacated the room . I followed the audition helper into the studio and watched as she deposited more bundles of hopefuls ' information on the table . As soon as she left the producer motioned to the accompanist to give me my starting notes whereupon I was supposed to begin . I listened , afraid for a moment that I forgot what my starting line needed to be , and then I opened my mouth and sang . To be honest , it was not my best audition of life . I was obviously running on adrenaline , as I could hear myself go sharp , and my breathing was shallower than it should have been . But as I stood there belting out my final note , I could then say that I had just done a Broadway audition , and that was pretty neat . Mouth now closed , I waited as the producer said thank you , expecting me to vacate the room as quickly as everyone else had . What I did instead no doubt surprised the producer and his accompanist : I said thank you and walked forward , extending my hand for a handshake . Obviously nonplussed , after a short pause he took my hand and gave it a tiny shake , his eyes on my back as I repeated the gesture to the accompanist . Satisfied , I turned on my heel and strode out of the room , my head held high . I didn 't get a callback . I wasn 't surprised , since I knew this audition was not my best , but I was surprised by how relieved I felt . Many have gawked in protest when I 've told them this realization , but it 's true . I don 't think this experience was meant to be " successful , " with me landing the part and be currently writing this from some tiny one bedroom apartment in Brooklyn ( okay , let 's face it … a bachelor apartment with 5 people living in it because we would not be able to afford to live in New York any other way ) . What this experience has taught me , however , is that I 'm doing fine where I am and that I 've got a lot of people on my side . Not only did my Facebook keep lighting up all day long , a friend of mine relayed that all the campers at my childhood church camp were praying for me ( my brother was the Assistant Director ) . Perhaps that 's why I felt such a whoosh of the Holy Spirit sweep me off my feet leaving me breathless and in tears right before I walked into that studio . I tell you , that moment above everything else was truly priceless . June 13 , 2015 · 1 : 43 am " Aha ! " You want me to do what ? ! I really appreciate when I have an " Aha ! " moment . You know the one : a sudden realization that helps you understand in the split second of a moment all that has past and all that must come forth as a result . I like to think of it as giving Homer Simpson 's " D ' oh ! " a positive spin . If I look back carefully over my life thus far , I see a series of " Aha ! " moments , all connected to one another and leading to the next one . The " Aha ! " moment when I knew I liked dance better than sports . The " Aha ! " moment when the joy of singing became bigger than my fear of singing publicly . The " Aha ! " moment when I knew I needed to move out halfway across the world . The " Aha ! " moment that sent me yearning to learn more about my faith and the subsequent " Aha ! " moment when I knew I couldn 't continue studying it academically . All of those moments , big and small ( including the " Aha ! " moment when I knew an apple would satisfy me more than a banana would that one time ) all culminate into the groundwork for decisions we make about where our life will go next . I took tap and jazz instead of playing soccer . I burst out in song at karaoke . I moved to Ireland , I studied theology in Ottawa , I decided to be the actor I already was . You see , all of those " Aha ! " moments are actually more than just groundwork : they are like little inner compasses that direct you towards where your heart truly lies , and a mighty big one hit me yesterday . I was covering a shift for one of my coworkers because she needed some extra time to study for an upcoming exam . It had been a while since I worked an 8 hour shift because the past few weeks had been spent intensely rehearsing and performing Orpheus Musical Theatre Society 's production of Hairspray , so I was pretty tired and cranky by the time 10pm rolled around . I came home disenchanted and gruff , and found myself thinking back to the run of Hairspray . I always have to laugh at first because some of my family members seem to think that being an actor is very glamourous . Well , who can blame them , really , with all the press Hollywood gets for their award shows and galas . Life seems like one hell of a party if you 're an actor . Playing Tracy Turnblad in Orpheus ' production of Hairspray , however , was no picnic , let me tell you . Imagine having to don a fat suit every performance that makes you look about 50 pounds heavier . I have one word for you : sweat . And that 's without the clothes and wig on ! Add clothes , a wig , the makeup , plus all the dancing and moving around for almost 2 . 5 straight hours ( Tracy Turnblad is basically on stage the entire time ) and I can tell you exactly what you 'd be thinking if you were in my shoes : I really hope I don 't have to pee during the first act ! Also , could someone please hand me a towel ? It was work , real work to get through the performances each night , so much so that I needed my day free before I went to the theatre to make sure that I was getting enough sleep so my voice would hold out for our final performances ( folks , I tell you , I cut it close ! ) . I was tired , I was antisocial , I was absolutely , positively pooped . But , as I was reminiscing I thought to myself , I 'd sure as heck rather be pooped singing and dancing than sitting at a desk . AHA ! Cue the moment where in a split second I could see where I needed to go and no amount of fear could hold me back . No matter how much I could try to convince myself that I would be happy doing something other than performing , that I 'd hate a big city like Toronto or New York , that I 'd never get married or have a family if I chose this path , that " Aha ! " moment was strong enough to squash all those doubts and fears by the simple fact of bringing to light all that I have known in the deepest parts of my soul about where my heart truly lies ( indeed , you just have to look through some of my past blog posts to see the thread of light shining through every once in a while ) . Tada ! December 31 , 2014 · 8 : 01 pm We 've Hit Another New Year 's Eve ? ? ? I always seem to miss the anniversary of this blog by one day ( Happy 3rd birthday to us ! ) , which then reminds me that I haven 't written in here for quite some time ( I guess that whole " Mini Moments " test in breaking procrastination failed slightly … ) . But that 's what New Year 's is for : for making copious amounts of resolutions and then failing to accomplish every single one within days of the new year hitting . But , well , maybe this year will be the year . All it takes is a bit of motivation , organization , and time management to make a resolution stick … Hold on . What am I saying ? That 's why I always seem to fail with resolutions : motivation , organization , and time management are not usually my strong suits . I feel like recognizing my shortcomings , however , is a step in the right direction , isn 't it ? Baby steps , my dear Watson , baby steps . And yet … I just went back and reread last year 's New Year 's Eve post and you know , I feel like those things that I hoped to accomplish during 2014 really did come true . For the most part my family , friends and I have been in good health , and I have had my share of blessed experiences that have , I believe , helped me continue to grow into a woman I love and am proud of . Perhaps that 's what I need to remember for this year too , that it 's enough to take each day as it comes and seek the little moments that make the bigger picture fantastic . Indeed , I have already begun to speak the mantra " One Day at a Time " several times a day . It really does help put things into perspective and take the pressure off ' future - thinking ' ( which I do a lot ) . November 15 , 2014 · 5 : 18 pm Mini Moments Ho ! It 's a brand new segment ! Well , it 's not that new , since I 've been thinking about creating this segment for about a year . The new part is valid , though , because I 'm actually doing it . Near the end of my stay in Dublin , I found myself being caught up in what I have come to call " Mini Moments , " i . e . those moments that you would share on Twitter or Facebook and have a number of people knowing exactly how you felt in that moment . I began writing them down while I was at work ( very productive , I know ) and now I find I want to share them , plus all the moments that I find myself experiencing every day . I 'm hoping this will be an exercise to get me writing again , just a little bit every day ( though I actually am writing quite a lot ; studying theology does that to a person ) . I am a lay woman . That is my label . I 've never really thought about it before , but as of yesterday I 've been called that twice . Not only that , but I 've been heartily welcomed into my Eastern Christian Theological classes because of that . Not because of my personality , or my obvious thirst for knowledge and a deepening of my faith , but because of my gender and vocational orientation . * This would never happen to a man . There is no such thing as " Men 's Studies . " Whether due to historical tradition or patriarchal hierarchies , a man * * is always the default setting , the norm , and anything outside that ( i . e . a woman ) is abnormal and therefore solicited . In this case , I am praised for having chosen to study a subject that , like many , is chalk - full of the male perspective , no doubt so I can chime in with my ( supposedly ) opposite , female perspective . This begs the question , " What if my views aren 't any different from a man 's ? " Does that all of a sudden make my opinion any less female and relevant ? Of course not ! Because my opinion comes from me , it is automatically a female perspective ( see Always ' " # LikeAGirl " video to see what I mean ) . That seems like a lot of pressure , to be welcomed into an area of study because of one 's gender and vocational orientation , almost as if one is a mythical creature . Because the truth is , I am just like any man , lay or otherwise , who comes to study the same subject . We all come because of an itch , of that thirst to know more , to have a deeper understanding of things we can never fully know . Yes , the product of our studies may be different , but our faith and scholastic journeys are the same . We 're all going to the same place , whether we 're female , male , religious , or lay . So why does the distinction need to be made here and now if in the end it doesn 't really matter ? Philosophy , without the degree · The road to understanding . Blog at WordPress . com . Philosophy , without the degree Create a free website or blog at WordPress . com . Post to
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December 18 back from Syracuse , I had a chance to take a quick tour of the beaver ponds . While we had been away the weather had been warm for the season , but on our return the temperature dropped well below freezing and we had a light snow . Since water is still flowing through the Big Pond dam there was open water right behind the dam . I found that frosty ice easy to walk on . The clear ice was a bit unnerving as there were frequent fractures as I walked on it . I estimated that the thickness of the ice was at least three inches and thus should support me , but there were what looked like holes in the bottom of the ice sheet , which I have difficulty accounting for . Of course , I saw bubbles under the transparent ice but I couldn 't associate a trail of bubbles with what appeared to be holes under the ice . Of course , I came out hoping to track otters or beavers but I wasn 't surprised at my enjoying what amounted to tracking ice . It is hard to describe the pleasure of letting the imagination loose over an extensive sheet of ice . It is likely that a muskrat did swim under the ice and I could get a sense of a line of bubbles , but they didn 't tell me a story . If the pond was at its usual winter depth , a muskrat might be using burrows over along the north shore near the dam and in the dam itself , but I don 't think the water is deep enough for muskrats to comfortably use those burrows . Indeed , since I didn 't walk over much of the pond ice , I shouldn 't jump to a conclusion that a muskrat is here , let alone muskrats . As I looked down on the old bank lodge on the southwest shore of the Lost Swamp Pond , I saw a trail of bubbles under the ice This is the second time I 've seen bubbles under the ice here which makes a more convincing case for muskrats being here than at the Big Pond . I was able to walk on the pond ice . Once again the white ice seemed firmer . Then I saw a line of cut green grass . My first thought was that a muskrat had cut it , but clearly given the length of the line of cut grass and the lack of the more substantial vegetation muskrats also like to eat , I decided that the ice cut the grass as it formed and two sheets of ice joined . That said , I have difficulty picturing it . Seen after the freeze , it is difficult to imagine the amount energy expended as water freezes . The ice was not any thicker than the ice on the Big Pond so I decided to limit my stay on it . I headed over to the deep channel between old dam in the center of the pond being careful to only walk where I knew the pond was shallow . The ice over the channel was clear and I didn 't see any bubble trails , just bubbles here and there . Of course , as usual , before making any other observations around this pond , I checked the otter latrine in and above the mossy cove . There was nothing new there . The ice in the west end of the pond looked thicker so I walked on it and tried to focus on some abstract art made by the ice crystals . The stump of every tree in the pond cut by the beavers that I could see had bubbles frozen in the ice around it . There were no signs of recent otter visits to the latrines on the north shore of the pond . Water still gushes through the hole in the dam so there is a generous patch of open water there . Bubbles remained frozen in or trapped under the ice that I could see behind the dam , but just as likely from rotting vegetation as animals . However the animal did not have a the typical fisher 's gait as it went down and back on the boardwalk . And it seemed to have a longer gait coming back . But Rezendes ' guide to tracking shows a gait like that with the hind paw coming down on the front paw print . But then why wasn 't the return gait , likely a fisher in a hurry , the more typical 3 x 3 prints ? On the boardwalk on the other side of the creek , there were coyote tracks . Of course , what I was looking for were trails made by beavers or otters going across , not along , the boardwalk . I saw no none . But when I got up to the north end of the East Pond dam , I saw that a beaver had broken the ice behind the dam , leaving trails of bubbles under the ice . I headed up the ridge on the trail and then went down to check the otter latrine . I saw that the tall tree in the pond that the beavers had been cutting for a month or so finally blew down , but not into the pond like the tall red maple , but onto the ridge . Bad luck for the beavers . I didn 't have the time today to check up on every tree the beavers are currently gnawing . Plus on cold days , taking gloves off to take photos is no pleasure . I did take a photo of another tree that recently fell , landing on the oak that the beavers gnawed so it split . They had stripped a good bit of bark off that and then , bang , another tree fell on top of stripped trunk . Bubbles don 't only come from the animal exhaling . Beavers are inveterate farters , and bubbles come from air trapped , so to speak , in their fur . Perhaps the number of bubbles correlates with the length of time in the burrow . More air nestled into the beaver 's fur as it dried out . Pure speculation . Continuing along the shore down to the dam , I saw where a beaver bucked up a good size block of ice which looked to be at least 2 inches thick . A few feet away there were cracks in the ice . I got the impression that a beaver tried to crack up the ice there and could not get the leverage it needed . My guess is that the beaver tried using its head to butt up through the ice , found it too difficult and repositioned itself in deeper water where it could buck up its back and break a good chunk of ice . Then it could push up through the nice sized hole . I headed home via the South Bay trail . Most of the year I can use exposed to rocks to get across the little creek flowing down to the north cove , but when water is rushing down the creek , I have to use a rather sketchy log bridge . Three years ago Ottoleo and I dragged over an freshly cut elm trunk to bolster ancient and slowly rotting trunks . As I crossed it today , I saw the prints of a fisher crossing the other way . Often by this time of year there is a good start of snow cover that will last well into March . December 23 I got a chance to take a hike in the afternoon and headed to the East Trail Pond via Antler Trailscattering a healthy herd of six or so deer along the way . We 've had cold nights but just dustings of snow . So the East Trail Pond presented a gray sheet of ice and a little snow where the sun has not been shining . It crossed my mind that I should compare the photos of the pond this December with those from last , but not only was the pond snow covered most of last December but the dam is higher now , so there is more water in the pond . I think a close analysis would show that the beavers have eaten much of the pond vegetation but before and after photos might unfairly make that point . Anyway , today I was looking for signs of immediate life that always take more of an edge off the cold than long term studies . A week ago I saw a huge trail of bubbles under the ice outside the burrow in the south bank of the pond . Today I could see that there had been open water there longer than anywhere else along the shore , but there were no bubbles under that newer ice . The best I can say is that it is easy to see what might have happened but difficult to explain . Enough vegetation has died back so that I can get a better look at the lodge in the middle of the pond . The snow cover now helps to accentuate the cache pile near the lodge . The level of the water behind the dam is about as high as it can be . As dams go , since it is relatively young , there is not much bracing below the dam , neither logs nor mud pushed over the dam . It looks like it would be easy for otters to breach the dam . Last year otters did not pay attention to this dam but they 've scatted on the dam this fall . In the 10 years , more or less , that I 've watched this family , I don 't think they have ever had their dam breached by otters . The beavers themselves did break their dam at Meander Pond to make it easier to go below the pond and cut a clump of alders . I managed to find a relatively dry path from the middle of the dam to the boardwalk where I found no tracks at all . I had an itching to see something I suppose because over the years I have grown so accustomed to seeing beavers as the sun goes down . So I decided to hike over to check the Lost Swamp Pond dam and then return to the East Trail Pond and sit up on the ridge north of the pond and hope a beaver comes out into the patch of open water around the lodge . Of course , I checked the Second Swamp Pond along the way and looking down at it from above the lodge below the knoll I saw some patches of open water and an array bubbles that might indicated animal activity , muskrats I presume . There were patches of open water in the pond but it didn 't look like an otter or beaver made or used them . Those bigger animals can rule ice this thin , not so the muskrat . Or , to be fair to the muskrat , it is able to get what it needs in the pond without wasting energy contending with the ice . I crossed the valley along the Upper Second Swamp Pond dam , and as I approached the dam , six black ducks flew off from the open water behind the hole in the dam . I braced for more ducks or geese when I got up to the Lost Swamp Pond , but there were none there . Here too there was a patch of open water behind the dam . Disappointed I headed back to the East Trail Pond . As I headed up the ridge I saw a trail of bubbles under the ice going to the northeast corner of the pond . The beavers have been gnawing on a few trees over there . Then I found a rock to sit on , not warm but not too wet , and studied the open water around the lodge . The potential for a beaver to emerge from the water seemed great . Dare I say the water around the lodge seemed pregnant with beavers , but none appeared . A shifting wind played on the water , nothing else . Then looking down at the otter latrine on the rocks below , I saw what looked like scratching in the snow and fresh black scats . But when I got down to the latrine I saw that there were no fresh scats , no new scats . And the scratching looked like unexceptional melting . The beavers have been going up the other side of the rock . Their trail there looked hot , December 27 with cold nights and cold enough days , South Bay froze over and over the years I 've found that as the bay freezes , otters tend to make a mark in the latrines along the north shore . I couldn 't check the latrines when there was a light snow on the ice but I knew that any scats deposited wouldn 't disappear for at least a week . Yesterday the wind picked up and with it the temperature and the ice was broken well back in the bay and cleared out . Most of the snow melted . So today I knew I wouldn 't see otter slides but I would see scats . Of course I always hope that I 'll see where otters broke the ice as it merges with the water , but no such luck today . The ice only stretched half way up the coves where the water is rather shallow . I anticipated seeing otter activity at the latrine overlooking the entrance to South Bay . By this time of year , especially since we 've had some snows - - wet and heavy for all of one or two inches , the grass is matted down and the wind has bunched leaves together . So the latrine looked ruffled by the wind and scratched by otters . Cutting into that big ash strikes me as difficult and dangerous work for a beaver and I can understand why there is slow progress . I wonder if the beaver comes and gets some nutrition from the girdling and then expends those calories in that laborious gnawing into the other tree . The beavers cut a smaller ash nearby a bit deeper in the wood , but it fell into another tree . They have neatly trimmed and segmented the trunk of a smaller ash tree . And then they cut down another big ash by demonstrating to me once again how to cut down a large tree by cutting from opposite sides about a foot apart . However , they cut more deeply into the lower cut and I don 't think I would hazard my head so deep into a tree that will split down and fall right where my teeth might be gnawing . So far the big tree has not fallen down quite low enough for the beavers to get much off it . But gravity may tell . The beavers could cut down a hickory tree holding up the large ash . Instead they cut down a tree near the ash that fell on top of the ash . However in general the area where the otter latrined did not look well used . There was no evidence of scratching or scent mound building . Of course , there is a steady fall of oak leaves here covering up what an otter might have done . It would seem to me that otters could live all winter off the fish in this pond , but none ever have . While the beavers don 't appear to be using the bank lodge , they are coming up on the nearby shore . They cut a tree 10 yards off the shore and trimmed the crown and are working on the segmenting the upper trunk . And they are cutting a hickory tree closer to the pond . Last year a beaver stripped a small patch of bark off the bottom of the trunk and the top of a root . This year the beavers are cutting the tree down . Evidently it takes time for beavers to reconcile themselves to eating shag - bark hickory bark . I should be able to identify logs that haven 't been stripped but after all these years looking at beaver lodges , I 've never had the patience to do it . More important to note is that the beavers keep pushing up logs above where their burrow must be . I doubt if they fuss about the species of the tree from which the logs came . They simply want the protection logs can give . Walking down the embankment I saw many bubbles under the ice below , some of the them as large as a beaver . I also saw where a beaver came up on a flat piece of ground and nibbled sticks . In the late afternoon I went to our land and had a chance to look at the Deep Pond dam . The beaver has added two big logs on top of the dam - - too dark for me to speculate where it got them from . There were plenty of bubbles under the ice behind the dam and some patches of open water down behind the east end of the dam . And it looked like there was open water in front of the bank lodge . It may be a few more weeks before we can take long hikes at our land . Sooner the better . December 31 we had an inch of snow two days ago and a thanks to continued cold there is a good bit still around . A thaw is supposed to start this afternoon , so I headed off first thing in the morning hoping to see some otter slides and other tracks . As I walked along Antler Trail I was often following deer tracks , but I didn 't cross any fisher or porcupine trails . The edges of the Big Pond were still snow covered and at the southwest corner of the pond just behind the dam I saw a circle of coyote tracks around a clump of grass . There was nothing new at the dam , which continues to leak liberally , but the pond ice was safe to walk on . The wind has shaped the snow into patches on the ice . Those white patches are easy to walk on , plus I could follow the coyote tracks in the snow . Judging from where the coyotes went there is not much happening in this pond . They didn 't stray near the dam , nor lead me to any grassy muskrat lodges or get that close to the beaver lodge on the north shore of the pond . But the water in the pond froze when it was at a relatively high level which leaves the impression that the pond is large and deep and should be a going concern . During the summer when I looked up pond from the dam , it looked like tall grasses had swallowed the whole upper end of the pond just leaving a narrow creek , but today as I walked up the pond , I could see a wide upper pond beyond a narrowing in the middle of the pond . During the summer I had speculated that the lodge on the north shore of the upper part of the pond was covered with tall grasses . Not so . It is a little high above the ice but looks like a beaver could use it . However , I know how shallow the water is there . No coyote seemed interested in sniffing the lodge . And there were no mink tracks around which is a better indicator that there is nothing warm inside the lodge . However , between the lodge and the upper end of the pond , which for years had always been a part of the pond , was now almost all wet meadow . That used to be a favorite place for otters to fish because , I think , fish were attracted to some springs up there . I picked my way through the grass clumps holding out a slight hope that the beavers might be in the pond above . However , in the years beavers did live up there , they always kept the Big Pond dam in repair . I found the dam of the upper pond in complete disrepair and there is not even a semblance of a pond where one used to be . The meadow seems to be spreading down the valley , rather than closing in from the sides . We 've had a wet year . A dry year might spell the doom of the Big Pond , unless some beavers come along and repair the dam . I seem to be incapable of making a study of all there is here for beavers to eat . This upper meadow is surrounded by thick clumps of osier . And as I walked up the ridge to the north , heading for the Lost Swamp Pond , I saw that there were fresh shoots coming out of the stumps of the shrubs the beavers ate the last time they were here , and much of the same types of small willows and other brush difficult to identify that they ate before . I fear the beavers need more substantial trees , or what grows back does not taste as good . I followed deer trails through the brush on the ridge until I got to the east - west trail that the land owner maintains . Deer and coyotes also used that trail . I kept looking for a likely place to turn down to the Lost Swamp Pond and as luck would have it , I found a narrow trail that took me to a wondrous sight : an oak tree with the trunk almost completely stripped by porcupines . The tree is in a clearing with no other trees near by which added to it magical appearance . There were many dead leaves on the branches so this is all recent gnawing . Indeed I could see a fresh porcupine trail coming to the tree , and wood chips on the snow . Usually the trees I see getting this treatment from a porcupine are maples and a bit thinner than this white oak . Since there didn 't appear any area near by convenient for a porcupine to den in , I assume that attraction of this tree is that its bark really tastes good . It was easy getting down to the Lost Swamp Pond from there where I got a good view of the southeast expanse of the pond . I tried to keep on the snow patches as I walked out toward the dam . In most years , this pond freezes solidly but it is easy to see by bubbles under the ice where beavers and muskrats are swimming . I didn 't see any bubbles under the ice . The only sign of life I saw out on the pond was a tiny lichen growing out of a crack in one of the dead trunks still standing in the pond . Then as I walked from the lodge toward the north shore of the pond , I heard some barking coming from the west end of the pond . I did not like the sound of the barking which sounded aggressive and from a big dog . Then I saw a large coyote cross the middle of the pond occasionally barking , but moving away from me as it did . I haven 't used the camcorder in several weeks and was a bit ham - handed in getting a video of the coyote as it ran into the woods south of the pond , but I did capture some of its barking . When I got to the north shore I saw that there were trails made by three coyotes , and I looked down pond and saw another large coyote . This one did not bark , but it kept looking at me as it angled over to the south shore , angling so that it kept the same distance from me , say a little under 50 yards . I have seen coyotes before , but only one at a time , and when they saw me they always increased the distance between me and them . My next impulse was to track the coyotes along the north shore of the pond . I saw the tracks of three , but I had been getting the impression that the coyotes were having a frustrating time on the ponds without even a whiff of beavers and muskrats . So I decided to gain some high ground . I went up the ridge north of the that section of the pond . When I gained the top , I saw the third coyote following the same route the other two took to the south shore of the pond . That somewhat reassured me that the coyotes had no interest in me and I went over to and down the northeast section of the pond toward the dam where I thought maybe the coyotes had been feasting on a deer kill , which might explain their barking and looking at me , the marplot of their feast . However , I didn 't see any kill , and then I heard loud barking followed by sharp and ungainly yipping bordering on yowling . It was an unsettling sound and my first impulse was to get away . At least it was only one coyote , but though I couldn 't see it , the noise seemed directed at me . I started moving faster and thought it prudent to pick up a small stick . Years ago I had been briefly surrounded by coyotes as I sat above the old Middle Pond at night trying to see beavers . But that was before I had ever seen a coyote and in my mind still pictured the smaller western coyote when I heard an eastern coyote . Eastern coyotes are a very big dog and I 've always appreciated their deferential flight when I 'm around . The noises these coyotes were directing at me did not seem deferential . Fortunately all was quiet at the Lost Swamp Pond dam . I took no photos and soon felt more at ease when I got on the other side of the Second Swamp Pond . However , the coyote kept up a pattern of loud barks and sharp yipping . I didn 't think the sound was getting closer but then again I didn 't think it was getting farther away . I photographed a porcupine trail in the knoll over looking the Second Swamp Pond , and took a photo of the ice patterns which were much like the earlier patterns thClearly the wind and water flow were making the patterns not otters . I didn 't toss my stick away until I got to the East Trail Pond . The coyote kept up the pattern of barks and yips but now it sounded distant and more plaintive than menacing . The video below gives some idea of the barks and combination barking and yipping , as well as a good look at the second coyote I saw . I finally decided the noise was not directed at me but was the effort of the youngest of the coyotes to get a response from the older coyotes so it could join them . Indeed the coyotes might have been unnerved at my getting so close to them before they realized I was there which might have prompted the older coyotes to disperse and lay low for fear I was hunting them . Easy things to think of once I was a half mile from the barking coyote . I didn 't see any fisher tracks in the Fisher Woods , nor on the boardwalk across the East Trail Pond meadow , where I saw tracks a few days ago . From up on the ridge I took a photo of the snow covered lodge in the middle of the pond , and saw no holes in the ice and snow . I did see a deer trail down on the pond . I sat and listened to the now far away coyote 's call which slowly resolved itself into a series of short yelps not untuneful , like the start of a light aria . Then they stopped and I headed down to South Bay to look for otter signs . I didn 't see any but I saw some other interesting tracks . As I followed their trail I wondered why two minks ran on the park trail . The best I could figure was that they wanted to make time and found the inch of snow on the trail easier to negotiate than the slick ice of the bay . I veered up to look at Audubon Pond . No signs of otters there either and ice and snow enclosed the beavers ' bank lodge and winter cache . On my way to the otter latrine overlooking the entrance to South Bay , I saw that I was following a fox trail . It didn 't continue to the latrine . Its nose probably told it what my eyes soon did : nothing happening there . I did see some holes in the ice just off the rocky shore and I tried to conjure them into an otter fishing and bumping up holes , but there were no slides in the ice or on the snow . On a warming sunny day the ice along this north shore of the pond is quick to begin melting . they were ducks , mostly common mergansers . It 's not common to see so many of them here before the ice closes all the river but the channel in front of our house . I also got a glimpse of a muskrat swimming from the ice to the shore , and just missed getting a photo . I also saw an eagle fly off a branch offering it a good view of the river . Going back on the park trail , I picked up the fox tracks again and saw a fisher trail crossing it , going down from the ridge to the bay . There were some ice fishermen on the bay . If they hadn 't been there I would not hazard going on the ice . But I was a bit tired and needed a short cut . The north shore is always hard to get on because it melts out but I found a branch just above the melt water and got on solid ice , only 3 inches thick , but if the ice fishermen risked it , so could I . I saw a fox track in a patch of snow out in the middle of the bay , In 2002 I extracted stills from the videos I took rather than use a camera . April 2 chilly day , 40 degrees , with the sun diminishing as it clouded up . I c . . . We had to wait for a cold sunny morning after a brief thaw so that the snow would be icy enough to walk on . We were still on snowshoes . The snow in the woo . . . I have several blogs and web pages on history and natural history . Between 1987 and 1994 I did extensive research on Washington DC and Philadelphia in the 1790s resulting in books in print and on - line . After I moved to Wellesley Island I began observing beavers , otters , muskrats and other animals in the woods , swamps and St . Lawrence River . Contact me at bobarnebeck @ gmail . com
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Well I 've read more batman comics and have decided that I like them . In other news , I went out for sushi with Gretchen , Chevis , and Dan . We went to Mt . Fugi in Maple grove . Great sushi , great time , LOTS of sushi was consumed . Gretchen even tried a piece this time . . . not sure if she liked it that much , but she tried a piece of a Philadelphia Roll . I think we ordered 2 appetizers , 4 rolls , 6 pieces of shrimp sushi ( all for gretchen ) , 8 pieces of random sushi , and 2 deserts ( small ones ) . . . then we went for coldstone . . . I know it sounds like a lot but it wasn 't THAT much . After that it was a couple of hours if a great new game for the Wii called Boom Blox i believe . Very fun . I actually started an animation the other night . It 's about a VERY young ( in or just out of diapers ) batman . . . as in started , I mean , drew up the story boards . . . I don 't know if I 'll go threw with animating the whole thing . Not sure if I want to do that for something that I didn 't completely create myself . Posted by Just finished Batman Hush Volume 1 . . . I would have to say that it was one of my favorite comics ever . I don 't know what it is about batman that draws me toward his series . But I do know that I really enjoy all of the darkness involved in these series ' . Time for the second one . Posted by Today was , overall , a boring day . Although , tonight was a bit better . I ended up going over to my aunt and uncle 's house for a while and hung out with Dan and little Daniel . After Daniel was put to bed dan and I ended up talking comics for a bit . I have never really been too into comics but I find myself moving towards batman comics . Maybe it 's because Dan has an ASS LOAD of them . I was trying to figure out which ones I should start with and he gave me a few good ones . I also spoke with my good buddy Dan , who I attended college with , and he told me to check out a few of the same ones . So as I spoke with Dan , my cousin 's husband , he ended up pulling out a box of his comics and he 's going to let me borrow a bunch that I have on my list . We 'll see how this goes . I 'll probably end up buying some , if not all , of the ones he 's letting me borrow . There is a midwest comic convention going on in early October at the State Fair Grand Stand . We 're really looking forward to that . I 'll probably end up posting each comic as I finish reading them . . . but the first on will be The Killing Joke . Guess who it stars . . . Today Gretchen , my mom and I all went to see the new movie Step Brothers . It was pretty funny and to my surprise it was rated R . I didn 't know this until minutes before entering the theater . This only meant that they used real swear words rather than making up stupid ones . Once again , it 's Will Ferrell , and you usually have to be a fan of his to like the movies he 's in . John C . Reilly was Will 's co - star in this ride . There were parts I liked and parts I didn 't . But for the most part , I am a Will Ferrell , and just about everything he does , in my opinion , is pure genius . Overall , not everyone will dig this flick . I loved it , but as you know , I am a fan of most movies that I actually go out and see . Last night my cousin Chevis , her husband Dan , Gretchen and I all went to see Dark Knight . It was my second time but all of their first . Chevis said it was good , Dan loved it and , well , Gretchen doesn 't like clowns , so she wasn 't that impressed . But I must say , the second time , it 's just as good . Posted by Started off with a stop by my aunt and uncle , Janice and Tom 's house to drop off a DVD for Dan . . . and of course see his son who calls me Shu - Shu ( it 's how he says Jared ) . . . it 's really cute . . . he only whispers it . . . like it 's something we don 't speak of . . . : ) badass ! Then it was off to robot love to pick up this little beauty . I have been waiting for robot love to get this in for a while . It 's a Teddy trooper designed by Dalek , one of my favorite artists . After that it was back to the house and then over to my aunt and uncle , Tammy and Dean 's house . There I continued my ' wall art ' . . . this is always fun . . . here 's some more images of what I did in the past , and what I did today . Sorry about the side ways pictures . I guess I could have fixed that . . . but I 'm a little lazyAfter all of that . . . it was off to the casino again . . . and this time I only broke even , but i suppose that 's good enough . Posted by Added this little beauty to my collection today . Went to target , saw it and thought . . . I 'll bet that Luke Skywalker with his hand cut off would look really good next to my Darth Vader . . . so I had to pick it up . . . Also picked up Rayman Raving Rabbids for the Wii , as well as X - Men Legends II : Rise of Apocalypse for Gamecube . . . but it works on the Wii . Before all of that I went to my grandma Connie 's to celebrate my cousin 's , Dani and Jessi 's , birthdays . Gave them a couple dunnys . They were happy with them . . . plus some money from my mom never hurt . Posted by Friday night I went to a Twins game with my old roommates , Derek and Zac , and a bunch of Derek 's friends . We had a good time . . . looking for one kind of beer for the first 2 innings . It was pretty fun . Twins won against texas and after we went to a bar with a $ 3 cover charge . . . :\ but overall , good night . Saturday morning , after going out to breakfast with my parents , I received a phone call from Dan , my cousin 's husband . He was wondering if I would help them unload the truck they used to move from Chicago . So I helped them for a while . Then spent the rest of my lounging around until Gretchen came over and we went to TGI Fridays for dinner and a couple drinks . . . Michael came along as well . good stuff . Posted by The Dark Knight . . . before I begin this review , I must say that it has been brought to my attention , not like I didn 't know already , that my reviews are all the same . . . . " pretty good , go see it " . . . That said , I 'd like to change it up a bit . . . but I might find that hard for this post . If you have read this much and are still not getting out of your seat to go see the newest Batman installment , you must be JOKING . . . ø _ ø bad pun , yes . But a serious one at that . This movie continues to baffle me . . . Why the hell was it rated PG - 13 . . . and not R . There definitely aren 't a great deal of movies out there that I wouldn 't let my child , if I had one , watch . But this is about on those boarder lines . If you see any movie rated PG - 13 this summer that is HALF as dark as this movie , you MUST let me know . . . because I don 't think it 's possible . Heath Ledger has gone FAR beyond any roll that you could have ever imagined him playing if you had only seen his older films . I feel , myself , at a great loss that this brilliant actor is no longer with us . After creating a character such as the Joker in Dark Knight , I have realized what a great actor Heath Ledger really was , and I 've noticed how much of a loss we movie goers are really at . His character in this movie really makes you believe that there is such a sick and twisted man out there , and you begin to realize how his role as the Joker may have actually lead to some problems with his life . I can truly say that he is most definitely one of my favorite actors , just because of this one part . . . that we will never be able to see him beat . The Dark Knight was , in a lot of ways , a much better movie than Batman Begins . The way that the plot unfolds really keeps you on the edge of your seats . Much more was touched upon , in terms of importance . Dark Knight does a very good job of picking up where Batman Begins left off . Harvey Dent , played by Aaron Eckhart , was actually a very believable character , other than the other half of his . . . well . . . it actually looked VERY good , along with all of the Posted by My favorite little urban vinyl / designer toy shop was my hang out spot tonight from 6 to 8 . Every 3rd Thursday of every month Kris , the owner , holds a " trading night " , where all the collectors from the cities come to hang out , trade , and talk TOYS . Tonight at Robot Love was a slow night . I can 't believe that JJ , Robot Love 's number one customer and a good friend of mine , wasn 't there . Our Friend Shawn ALSO did not show up . Kris is thinking about holding another trading night next Thursday and I promised I 'd be there . Tonight he and I just hung out and talked toys for a while ; what 's coming out , what just came out , and when things are coming in . My next big purchase , and one of the topics of our discussion , is this nice Teddy Trooper designed by an artist called Dalek . Aside from all of that , today was another " what will I do with my life " days . . . I need to work on my portfolio and either get a job or go back to school . . . I think a job is more realistic right now . I just realized how utterly useless I am right now . I really have NOTHING going on . I sleep in late and that 's starting to even bug me these days . Yes I think i 'll try to update my portfolio site at thatAnimationSite . com , buy some server space , and begin applying for a job . . . whether it is something that I love doing , or it isn 't . Till then i 'll try to keep this site updated with what it was originally created for . . . MY WORK ! p . s . - next post will be a review of The Dark Knight . . . midnight showing . Very pumped . Today I went with my mother , aunt , cousin , and their neighbor to the Grand Casino Mille Lacs . About an hour and a half away . Probably my favorite one in Minnesota though . Pretty small place . VERY small actually . But I ended up ahead and that 's all that matters , no thanks to the slot machines . Black Jack is the way to go . . . $ 5 tables of course . Posted by While sitting at home , my aunt Tammy called and had a proposition for me . She is redoing her kitchen and has a few blank spots on her walls for the next few weeks where her counters and cupboards will go . SO , Michael and I were invited over to do a bit of art for those blank spaces , in hopes that someone in the future will see these when / if the kitchen is redone again . I drew a huge coy fish along side of a " hick - ish " man wearing overalls and a trucker hat that says " Booty Hunter " . This is me putting the finishing touches on my coy fish . More images to come as I continue to put them on their wall . P . S . - if anyone else has any requests for art . . . go ahead and let em fly . . . I am currently unemployed , so get it while it lasts . Posted by Well . . . I was skeptical . . . but I 'm very glad that I did go see this with Michael and my mother today . The movie was way better than I thought it would be . It was actually a pretty good movie up until a couple of corny scenes in the middle of the movie . The 3D effects weren 't too gimmicky , although there were a few things that flew out at you . Brendan Fraser , although not my favorite actor , has done an exceptional job with this role . Overall I 'd say this movie is definitely worth seeing . . . and probably before it 's off of the big screen . Posted by Sorry for the delay in posts . . . been busy . The other night I joined my lovely girlfriend Gretchen and her friend Kari , along with her boyfriend and his roommate , and we headed to the Minneapolis bar called The Shout House . This place was just plain FUN . The Shout House is a dueling pianos bar , which means live entertainment . They would CONSTANTLY pull people from the crowd , people with birthdays , bachelorets , anything . We could also bring a small piece of paper up to them with requests for songs . . . along with a small tip of course . Long story short , we had a blast , had some beers , and had my song played . . . Rocket Man - Elton John Posted by Today I was trying to get to a friend 's work to get a few prints off of him when all of the sudden . . . . . . . . . car dies . . . Had to pull over and nothing worked . . . sat there a few minutes , made some calls . . . then suddenly , with a gust of wind . . . ZAP . . . car 's back on again . Pretty weird but i guess this means . . . car , you 've lived out your welcome here . I guess I 'll have to be driving other cars till I get a new one . Posted by Hellboy II is definitely worth going out to see IF you were a fan of the first one . I really enjoyed it . Although I didn 't dig the newer look that a lot of the characters had , especially Hellboy . It wasn 't THAT different , but I sure could tell . The movie was jam packed full of fights , which made it very " edge of your seat " ish . I loved the look of a lot of the monsters in this one , they were done by the same people / person who designed for Pan 's Labyrinth , VERY cool style . One thing I didn 't like that much was the newfound " Men In Black " feel . The organization seemed a lot bigger than it was in the last movie . But there were very few things I absolutely didn 't like . Just about every little thing could be justified . People have been telling me , " Don 't hype the movies that much . You 'll only be let down . " In this case , it was about as good as I thought it would be . . . maybe a little less . . . But I REALLY can 't wait for The Dark Knight . Posted by This time I had a sheet of question prepared . I found out all kinds of awesome information . One of my top questions was " What will I leave with upon graduation of the program ? " Patrick Quigley , Admissions Advisor , told me I 'd be leaving with 3 things for sure . . . a professional portfolio of work , a solid demo reel , and a diploma . . . and probably a job . He said the hiring rate is about 85 - 90 percent . They used to hire students but they can 't anymore because they all get jobs first . The program only takes 1 year and is pretty much like a full time job / internship . Nine to five every day , and if you miss a class or show up late , you 're going to hear about it . Just like a real job . I 'd basically be learning right along side of people doing . A couple of downsides are that I wouldn 't be leaving with a masters in animation ( although every masters program I 've seen for animation consists mostly of 3D animation ) , and the one year there would cost about what it cost for 4 years at Stout . . . . O . o yikes . . . Anyway , we 'll see what happens . I can apply on line and will need to find a couple good references beforehand . Will keep everyone updated . Posted by The people who went to India with me will probably see this and think , " you chose THOSE pictures why ? " But here 's a few images and captions . . . Sculpture garden . The Taj . Baby monkey at one of the forts that we visited . Man at work washing screen printed fabrics . Guard . This guy just looked cool . Painted Elephant . My friend Carl and I were sitting outside , waiting for everyone else when all of the sudden these painted elephants walked by . It was later that we learned that the next day was the Festival of the Painted Elephant . I forget exactly what these guys were called but they were sitting outside of the fort with the monkeys and they were begging . . . also waving . . . If you were to walk into my house today , you would see this picture as soon as you got inside the door . Kind of a nice greeting I think . Today I received a call from the Vancouver Film School saying that I WILL be receiving a call tomorrow to talk with Admissions Advisor , Patric Quigley . This school is definitely at the top of my list for schools right now . I just hope they have something to offer me besides a BFA . . . I was going through their site and blog today and found a few very interesting things . A very large number of their graduates work on all sorts of movies , such as all 3 of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies and all 3 of the newer Star Wars movies , episodes 1 - 3 . This really sparked my interest . Now I can 't wait to hear from Patric tomorrow to get some information about this school . I will update with further information . . . : : GIANT GRIN : : Tonight Gretchen invited me over to her house for dinner . She was making pasta with turkey meat balls . . . OMFG it was good . . . . new favorite meat . . . TURKEY ! . . . I made the salad , it was pretty good but HOLY SHIT , that pasta . Anyway , now I 'm watching the new DVD that was release today , " Batman Gotham Knight " , and WOW is it cool . Very similar to the Animatrix , which was a bridge between some of the things that happened in the matrix . Gotham Knight is a bridge between " Batman Begins " and " The Dark Knight " . It is 6 interlocking stores that are done by different directors and each have different artistic styles . I would definitely recommend this to any Batman fans , as well as Animatrix fans . Well . . . back to finish the movie . Posted by Yes today I have continued my search for new schools . I am fairly sure that I would like to go back to school but have yet to find a school that fits my needs . I am looking for someplace that can offer me my masters degree in traditional , or 2D , animation . There are many great schools out there , and each time I find one I keep getting turned off by it . The best schools I 've found DON ' T have masters programs , or they do but they focus on 3D animation . One of my top school choices right now would be The Vancouver Film School which has an AWESOME traditional animation demo reel . . . HERE . Another is SCAD , in Georgia , which also has a very cool demo reel that has quite a few 2D animation parts to it . One more place that is actually going to call me tomorrow is Dmac , in florida . Their demo reel is not that exciting and does not really have too much 2D animation to it . As you can see on their course list here . Their 3D stuff is good . . . but i think they just dropped out of the race . Posted by So far I 've driven my mom and her friend to the movies about 3 times this weekend . Also drove my mom to a couple different libraries . Nothing too exciting . On Thursday , July 3 , the neighbors and I shot off fireworks for a while . On the 4th it was basically a lazy day . The neighbors were shooting off fireworks during the day , kinda pointless , and a cop pulled up so they all ran inside , but he just kept driving . Later that night I went for a bicycle ride around 10 : 30 pm and rode over to my aunt and uncle , Janice and Tom 's house . Their neighbors were shooting off fireworks as well , so I stuck around there for a bit . We were kind of planning on going out to watch fireworks but I guess everyone just decided against it . No big deal though , we had a blast just sitting around the house . Yesterday , July 5th , Michael brought my bowling to witness my MAD bowling skills . . . I think I got about a 120 or so for my highest score . . . cuz I 'm that good . More fireworks later that night and then just hung out around the house . Overall a pretty chill 4th of July weekend . Good stuff . Posted by I know it 's been a while since I 've been on here but I promise , I haven 't forgotten to update . I 'll be posting about the 4th of July weekend later on today . Posted by Today I went to a little place called Zushia with my mother and Michael . It was very good . . . Then I drove my mom to go see a movie with her friend , during which , michael hung out at robot love , where I pulled a few chases and this little number . . . It is a figure of Early * , from the TV show Squidbillys , on CartoonNetwork . Very good show . anyway . Till next time . Posted by finally added a counter . . . YES ! you can find it over there under my labels . . . . >> Now you can see EXACTLY how many people read about me and my daily debauchery . Posted by Yesterday I went trapshooting at some new place in Blaine with my friend Mike . I shot my first 25 of the year , although it wasn 't for my league in Monticello . After that miraculous round , we shot skeet which was also very fun , never done that before . After that we shot a different type of round . There were 8 different places where the bird could come from . One from over head , one from straight out in the field , right at you , one rolls across the ground like a bunny . Also shot something called a duck tower . It 's a tower that was 60 feet in the air and shoots targets at 60 mph . We were supposed to lead the target by about 15 feet , it was INSANE . It was very fun . Had a great time . Hancock was actually not as good as I had hoped . I was expecting much more action , story , and background . The amount of action that was there was pretty good . Don 't get me wrong , there was action and destruction , * * SPOILER * * I just kind of hoped there would be an EPIC fight scene at the end or something . I would have liked to see more development with the story as well . . . I like what story was there . . . just wanted more of it , similar to the action . As for background , I left the theater with about 20 or 30 questions in my head that were never even close to being answered . WHY this , and WHY that . . . after a while I just kind of said , " eh . " Overall Hancock was definitely worth seeing and I 'll probably pick it up once it 's on DVD for cheap . . . which shouldn 't be too long after it is released . p . s . - if you haven 't seen too many of the previews , and you 're on the fence about it , you should probably go see it . After a couple of preview that I saw I pretty much was calling the shots in the movie . * * SPOILER * * In one preview they tell you that he starts becoming human , in another you can see the main woman in a dark outfit with eye liner and that , for me , was a huge hint that she too was a super hero . Posted by
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My new copy of Clockwork Princess has arrived . Magically , it came in the mail just a day after I pre - ordered it on Amazon . Isn 't that just wonderful ? I now know what happens to Jem , Will , and Tessa , and all of my questions have been answered by Cassandra Clare . A wonderful book , really . Will ends up with Tessa . Jem lives . But they all live happily ever after . Oh , and Tessa becomes a Shadowhunter . : ) So I 've fooled you haven 't I ? Probably not , but I can dream about it , right ? I can wish that it were March 19 , 2013 and my brand - new copy of Clockwork Princess has just arrived fresh in the mail . I can wish that the paragraph above were printed on the jacket of the book . I can wish . I loved Clockwork Prince . If there was one word for this book it would be heartbreaking . I love Will and am totally Team Will but there was something I couldn 't help but like about Jem now flipping through the pages of the book . Jem is so sweet to Tessa in a way that Will is not . But for some reason Will 's personality seems right for Tessa even though Jem struggles with his sickness to the point where he doesn 't think he will live . I think Jem will end up living but Will will end up with Tessa . I both hope so and think so . I posted an earlier review of Clockwork Prince that seemed very anti - Jem and let me tell you , I just love Will so much that I can 't think of anything but him , but let me tell you I don 't HATE Jem . I actually like him quite a lot . He has this manner that I really like about him and maybe he would be better for Tessa in the long run but I just love Will and think that he 's perfect for Tessa . There 's rarely a time when I get so caught up in which character a girl in a YA novel will end up with , you 'll know that from reading my reviews . For example , The Hunger Games . One of my favorite books . Couldn 't care LESS about who Katniss ended up with . I understand why she ended up with Peeta . But I didn 't care about it . In this one , I really care . I want Tessa to end up with Will sooo badly , but also I can sigh and deal with it if Jem ends up with Tessa because he really is a great guy . There were actually times in Clockwork Prince where I really loved Jem almost as much as I loved Will . Of course , it ended up with me feeling positively heartbroken for Will so I have to say that I am hard - core Team Will . I loved the way that Jem was so secretive about his feelings , so mysterious , whereas Will showed everything he was thinking aAnnabel R The day I bought this book was one of those days that I kept staring and staring at the YA section of the bookstore and every book looked the same and none of them interesting . Usually I just can 't get enough of YA books but that day I was looking for something new , something different from the books that I usually read . Well I was right . This book was certainly different from most of the books I have read in my YA - obsessed years . For some reason the day I bought it I was in the mood for some good historical fiction . I sifted through the layered shelves of the bookstore with my mom , who ( unlike most moms ) has a keen eye for good young adult books and seems to always know when I 'll like a book and when I will not . Some of the books I read she looks at with horror / disgust , but most of the time she has a good eye for YA books and scrapes up something I more or less enjoy . While I did this my mom stumbled upon this author - - Ann Rinaldi - - read the blurb and handed it to me . I looked at it , it seemed interesting enough so I decided to buy it . Anyway , about the book ! I found this book really interesting because while the main protagonist and her family are fictional characters , some of the characters are real . I didn 't realize this until about halfway through the book , when I was looking at the cover and the part of the title that said " A Story About Peggy Shippen and Benedict Arnold " made it sound like these characters were real , so I Google searched them and guess what ? They are . I liked how the author combined her imagination with real historical figures and blended them together to create a good story - line . Another thing that I noticed was that while the story was told by Becca , she didn 't seem to be the main character . All through the book the main focus seemed to be on Peggy . Becca made many observations on Peggy 's character but in the end it was mostly left to the reader to determine what they thought about Peggy . I for one didn 't like her at all . Her spoiled behavior and the way she acted in general were enough to make me want to hurl . I guess it 's a good lesson for people because it will show them how spoiled children are terrible . Anyhow , I really didn 't like Peggy but liked her sisters a lot , especially Elizabeth . I liked her rebellious attitude from the start - - the way that she dressed like a " boy " and that was rebellious back then - - and the way she laughed in Peggy 's face when Peggy was being a spoiled little princess . I couldn 't help buThere were a lot of historical books by this author in the section of the bookstore , but this one caught my interest because of the title - - " Finishing Becca " . I had no idea what it meant by " finishing " and how it could apply to finishing a girl . So I decided to read it to find out . To all of you who are thinking about reading this book , it was about getting " finished " ( sort of an old fashioned term ) . Getting finished usually involved going to school for young girls but since Becca either couldn 't afford finishing school or couldn 't go to it , she works as a maid to Peggy to get " finished " , which apparently consists of : learning how to paint watercolors , learning to speak and understand French , and being able to dance properly . While these things seem frivolous to girls in 2012 they were actually quite important in 1778 . Why , might you ask , did you not rate it 5 stars ? Well if you know me , YOU know that I never like books to be boring . I like them to be packed with nonstop action , and this book slowed down at times and after a while I would flip through a couple of pages and see what chapter looked interesting , and then I would " skip " to the chapter ( skim the book really fast until I got to the good part ) . All books have their slow parts , right ? What 's Next is a meme hosted by Icey Books ! It involves choosing 3 - 5 books that you can 't decide which one to read next , and then people say which one they think you should read . Here are my four : Before Peter Pan belonged to Wendy , he belonged to the girl with the crow feather in her hair . . . . Fifteen - year - old Tiger Lily doesn 't believe in love stories or happy endings . Then she meets the alluring teenage Peter Pan in the forbidden woods of Neverland and immediately falls under his spell . Peter is unlike anyone she 's ever known . Impetuous and brave , he both scares and enthralls her . As the leader of the Lost Boys , the most fearsome of Neverland 's inhabitants , Peter is an unthinkable match for Tiger Lily . Soon , she is risking everything - - her family , her future - - to be with him . When she is faced with marriage to a terrible man in her own tribe , she must choose between the life she 's always known and running away to an uncertain future with Peter . With enemies threatening to tear them apart , the lovers seem doomed . But it 's the arrival of Wendy Darling , an English girl who 's everything Tiger Lily is not , that leads Tiger Lily to discover that the most dangerous enemies can live inside even the most loyal and loving heart . From the " New York Times " bestselling author of " Peaches " comes a magical and bewitching story of the romance between a fearless heroine and the boy who wouldn 't grow up . We know you are here , our brothers and sisters . . . Pressia barely remembers the Detonations or much about life during the Before . In her sleeping cabinet behind the rubble of an old barbershop where she lives with her grandfather , she thinks about what is lost - how the world went from amusement parks , movie theaters , birthday parties , fathers and mothers . . . to ash and dust , scars , permanent burns , and fused , damaged bodies . And now , at an age when everyone is required to turn themselves over to the militia to either be trained as a soldier or , if they are too damaged and weak , to be used as live targets , Pressia can no longer pretend to be small . Pressia is on the run . Burn a Pure and Breathe the Ash . . . There are those who escaped the apocalypse unmarked . Pures . They are tucked safely inside the Dome that protects their healthy , superior bodies . Yet Partridge , whose father is one of the most influential men in the Dome , feels isolated and lonely . Different . He thinks about loss - maybe just because his family is broken ; his father is emotionally distant ; his brother killed himself ; and his mother never made it inside their shelter . Or maybe it 's his claustrophobia : his feeling that this Dome has become a swaddling of intensely rigid order . So when a slipped phrase suggests his mother might still be alive , Partridge risks his life to leave the Dome to find her . When Pressia meets Partridge , their worlds shatter all over again . For thirty - five girls , the Selection is the chance of a lifetime . The opportunity to escape the life laid out for them since birth . To be swept up in a world of glittering gowns and priceless jewels . To live in the palace and compete for the heart of the gorgeous Prince Maxon . But for America Singer , being Selected is a nightmare . It means turning her back on her secret love with Aspen , who is a caste below her . Leaving her home to enter a fierce competition for a crown she doesn 't want . Living in a palace that is constantly threatened by violent rebel attacks . Then America meets Prince Maxon . Gradually , she starts to question all the plans she 's made for herself - and realizes that the life she 's always dreamed of may not compare to a future she never imagined . Around the world , black handprints are appearing on doorways , scorched there by winged strangers who have crept through a slit in the sky . In a dark and dusty shop , a devil 's supply of human teeth grows dangerously low . And in the tangled lanes of Prague , a young art student is about to be caught up in a brutal otherwordly war . Meet Karou . She fills her sketchbooks with monsters that may or may not be real ; she 's prone to disappearing on mysterious " errands " ; she speaks many languages - not all of them human ; and her bright blue hair actually grows out of her head that color . Who is she ? That is the question that haunts her , and she 's about to find out . When one of the strangers - beautiful , haunted Akiva - fixes his fire - colored eyes on her in an alley in Marrakesh , the result is blood and starlight , secrets unveiled , and a star - crossed love whose roots drink deep of a violent past . But will Karou live to regret learning the truth about herself Why be the sheep , when you can be the wolf ? Seventeen - year - old Ismae escapes from the brutality of an arranged marriage into the sanctuary of the convent of St . Mortain , where the sisters still serve the gods of old . Here she learns that the god of Death Himself has blessed her with dangerous gifts - and a violent destiny . If she chooses to stay at the convent , she will be trained as an assassin and serve as a handmaiden to Death . To claim her new life , she must destroy the lives of others . Ismae 's most important assignment takes her straight into the high court of Brittany - where she finds herself woefully under prepared - not only for the deadly games of intrigue and treason , but for the impossible choices she must make . For how can she deliver Death 's vengeance upon a target who , against her will , has stolen her heart ? So to be completely honest I almost stopped reading this book a couple of times right at the beginning of it . It just wasn 't interesting me the way that I like books to . I 'm glad that I kept reading though because it got much better . Still the reason I took a star off of my rating was because of a , the slow start , and b , a bunch of things at the beginning , such as Duval 's entrance into the book , wasn 't explained until much later and left me feeling confused and scrambled . I think the whole concept and idea for this book was very creative even though it 's pretty dark and intense . The whole idea of being Death 's handmaiden is very intriguing , and I like books with interesting and creative ideas . All through the book I couldn 't really get ahold of Ismae . She seemed so bland at times and then at other times her personality came out in several different ways . I was completely baffled by this and I 'm not sure if I like that part of it . I think the author could have articulated Ismae 's personality and character a bit better . Also another part that I didn 't love about this book was that Ismae seemed to go off and on between loyalty and betrayal to St . Mortain 's convent and that confused me , because sometimes she 'd say something like , " But no . My main purpose here is to serve Mortain " and then she 'd say something such as , " But the convent is surely wrong , " so I got a little tired of keeping track of her lack of deciding whose side she was on . I feel like it 's either she was loyal or not , and that should have been that . Also , Duval . What was the deal with him ? At times I loved him and other times he was being a complete jerk . He reminded me of Saf in Bitterblue from the Graceling series a bit , the way that sometimes he could be so loyal and loving and at times completely awful to everyone around him . Another thing - - the line on the top of the book says , " Why be the sheep when you can be the wolf ? " Pretty much that was what interested me about picking up the book and deciding to buy it after it being recommended to me . I don 't understand how that fits into everything , but that 's just a minor complaint . While I might seem to have a lot of issues with this book , really I liked it enough to give it four stars because it was pretty enthralling all the way through . I liked the way that it was a historical fantasy / romance and it 's an interesting genre to me . I 'd recommend you read this book if you have a liking for some pretty dark stuff told in a historical way , and if you 're into the YA genre but don 't know what to read next . Posted by Pressia barely remembers the Detonations or much about life during the Before . In her sleeping cabinet behind the rubble of an old barbershop where she lives with her grandfather , she thinks about what is lost - how the world went from amusement parks , movie theaters , birthday parties , fathers and mothers . . . to ash and dust , scars , permanent burns , and fused , damaged bodies . And now , at an age when everyone is required to turn themselves over to the militia to either be trained as a soldier or , if they are too damaged and weak , to be used as live targets , Pressia can no longer pretend to be small . Pressia is on the run . Burn a Pure and Breathe the Ash . . . There are those who escaped the apocalypse unmarked . Pures . They are tucked safely inside the Dome that protects their healthy , superior bodies . Yet Partridge , whose father is one of the most influential men in the Dome , feels isolated and lonely . Different . He thinks about loss - maybe just because his family is broken ; his father is emotionally distant ; his brother killed himself ; and his mother never made it inside their shelter . Or maybe it 's his claustrophobia : his feeling that this Dome has become a swaddling of intensely rigid order . So when a slipped phrase suggests his mother might still be alive , Partridge risks his life to leave the Dome to find her . When Pressia meets Partridge , their worlds shatter all over again . The last time she did , it was an accident , but The Reestablishment locked her up for murder . No one knows why Juliette 's touch is fatal . As long as she doesn 't hurt anyone else , no one really cares . The world is too busy crumbling to pieces to pay attention to a 17 - year - old girl . Diseases are destroying the population , food is hard to find , birds don 't fly anymore , and the clouds are the wrong color . The Reestablishment said their way was the only way to fix things , so they threw Juliette in a cell . Now so many people are dead that the survivors are whispering war - - and The Reestablishment has changed its mind . Maybe Juliette is more than a tortured soul stuffed into a poisonous body . Maybe she 's exactly what they need right now . After Shell 's mother dies , her obsessively religious father descends into alcoholic mourning and Shell is left to care for her younger brother and sister . Her only release from the harshness of everyday life comes from her budding spiritual friendship with a naive young priest , and most importantly , her developing relationship with childhood friend , Declan , who is charming , eloquent , and persuasive . But when Declan suddenly leaves Ireland to seek his fortune in America , Shell finds herself the center of a scandal that rocks the small community in which she lives , with repercussions across the whole country . The lives of those immediately around her will never be the same again . This is a story of love and loss , religious belief and spirituality - it will move the hearts of any who read it . Twelve - year - old Lucy Desberg is a natural problem - solver . At her family 's struggling pharmacy , she has a line of makeover customers for every school dance and bat mitzvah . But all the makeup tips in the world won 't help save the business . If only she could find a way to make it the center of town again - a place where people want to spend time , like in the old days . Lucy dreams up a solution that could resuscitate the family business and help the environment , too . But will Lucy 's family stop fighting long enough to listen to a seventh - grader ? In a starred review , Kirkus said this novel " successfully delivers an authentic and endearing portrait of the not - quite - teen experience , " and Booklist called it " a warm , uplifting debut . " Readers everywhere have responded to Lucy 's independence and initiative - not to mention her great style . Somewhere in South America at the home of the country 's vice president , a lavish birthday party is being held in honor of Mr . Hosokawa , a powerful Japanese businessman . Roxanne Coss , opera 's most revered soprano , has mesmerized the guests with her singing . It is a perfect evening until a band of terrorists breaks in , taking the entire party hostage . Hattie Owen enjoys peaceful Millerton summertimes with " houses nodding in the heavy air , " being in charge of Miss Hagerty 's breakfast tray at her parents ' boardinghouse , and drinking lemonade on the porch after supper . Yet this year , it 's different - - Hattie 's uncle Adam is coming home . Returning from a Chicago school that 's just closed and whose existence is kept quiet by adult family members , Adam is a 21 - year - old man with a child 's mind , having a knack for talking quickly , a savant - like ability for remembering weekdays , and a passion for I Love Lucy . Hattie and Adam wind up spending precious time together - - including a visit to the recently arrived carnival with Hattie 's new friend , Leila - - which makes her feel soulfully connected to her uncle , especially when he declares that she 's " one of the people who can lift the corners of our universe . " But when Hattie takes Adam on the ferris wheel one night , it sets off dramatic events that lead Hattie 's family to strengthen its bonds and changes her life 's outlook forever . A novel with a flavor similar to Kate DiCamillo 's Because of Winn - Dixie or Kimberly Willis Holt 's When Zachary Beaver Came to Town , this absorbing look at a shake - up of one family 's small - town normalcy will bring you to tears but leave you feeling ultimately triumphant . Martin paints her characters masterfully , letting Uncle Adam 's unsure energy carry an unpredictable foreboding beneath the story while Hattie builds a gradual rebelliousness against the denial and unspoken truths that surround her . A powerful work that presses all the right emotional buttons and touches on all - too - human themes , A Corner of the Universe is one book that should not be missed . This book was not a long book , nor a challenging one , but it is one of my favourite books that I have ever read . I have read some of Ann M . Martin 's other books , such as my Babysitters Club obsession at age 8 , so I wasn 't expecting this one to be as good as my friends had all said . I anticipated a great book - - my friends have awesome taste ! - - but I wasn 't thinking that it would be this good . Enter Hattie Owen . I could relate in so many ways to Hattie . She was a little younger than I am , 11 turning 12 , instead of 12 turning 13 ( like me ) . We were so alike , though - - we both love to read , we 're both quiet and keep to ourselves when we don 't know people very well , and a lot of other things . She was a great narrator and protagonist and I loved everything about her . I liked how Adam let her come out of her " corner of the universe " and she helped him come out of his ( sort of ) . Adam 's mental problem is nameless , but we get a pretty good idea of what he struggles with throughout the book . A popular theme these days ' in children 's or young adult 's literature seems to be parents or loved ones with mental disabilities . I think a lot of people make assumptions about mentally ill people , like they are crazy or messed up or are out to kill you , but they haven 't taken the time to realize that it 's not true . I myself have always had a fear of " crazy " people , but reading so many books with this premise was good for me to read about . In the end , the inevitable happened of course , I think I kept resisting it and shooing it away in my mind throughout the entire book . You know , like when you know something awful is going to happen at the end of the book but you 're in denial so you find yourself surprised when it does happen , even though you were sort of expecting it in the back of your mind ? That was what I was feeling at the end of the book . I felt terrible for Hattie because she felt as though it were her fault but it was actually inevitable and she couldn 't do a thing about it . I 'm a huge Hunger Games fan , and think the books are great . But then , you hardly ever see people who aren 't crazy fans of Suzanne Collins ' Hunger Games series , right ? I talked and debated with my sister , Hadley , and her friend Nando about the various reasons why the book didn 't have the same effect on them that it had on a lot of other people who read the book . Hadley : The thing I like about the books , and appreciate , first of all , I think Katniss is a pretty compelling girl , who 's like kind of a badass , and that 's going to be rare in books in fantasy or sci - fi . At the same time , I think the writing is not very good , and that 's my first criticism . I think it 's really , like , fluffy , just bad writing that 's only driving the plot forward telling that . And then , I 'm just not crazy about the whole premise of kids killing each other , and then I 'm really not crazy about the love plot . Also , what 's the deal with the names ? Why are the names in this book outrageous ? So , I get that it 's like a dystopian future , right ? Part of the reason I feel like the writing 's not very good is that I feel like it 's just not very fleshed - out , the details of that world , how it came into being , and why she 's writing about it . Like , why is there a breadmaker ? Peeta 's the breadmaker . Annie : God ! She was starving , okay ? she was about to die ! He saved her life ! He threw her the bread . Seriously . He saved her life , she returned the deed by saving his life ! Hadley : Well , I think it 's both . I think it 's really interesting that these books have taken off not just among kids , among adults too . And I think it 's - - people say the books are not about the killing , which I think is a really interesting distortion of a reading experience , because the books are really clearly about the killing . Pretty much driven entirely by the killing , and when they 're not talking about the killing , they 're talking about the guys . Those are the two plots . It 's like , " Which of these two men is Katniss going to end up with ? " SO when people say it 's not about the killing , I want to ask them if they actually erad the books , because it 's actually all about the killing . And I 'm fine with it , I 'm not going to pass judgement about why people like to read about kids killing ids , I just think it 's really strange that that 's what they enjoy . It 's a really strange distortion . LIke when you read Harry Potter , no one 's like , " Well , it 's not really like the magic . " You know what I mean ? it 's like you took the premise of the book , " Oh lets just throw that out , " and then it 's like , " Then what 's left of the book ? " it 's weird , right ? I mean , what did you find compelling about that , Annie ? Why did you enjoy reading about it ? Annie : WEll , in a way , you 're kind of like right , because we are kind of like the Capitol because people keep reading and enjoying these books . It 's so weird because it 's weirdly compelling . I don 't know . Hadley : What I found manipulative about that was it would be cool if the author put it in perspective of enjying the killing . Like , If she put it in an authorial perspective . But I don 't think she does that . I think you figured out that the author didn 't intend , which is cool and interesting to think about , but 's it like it puts no effort into making her readers think through it and that 's why people have an easy time saying it 's not about the killing , because the author is casual . I think adults reading the book are just dumb . Kids are just so manipulated by the books . " Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again " , With these words , the reader is ushered into an isolated gray stone mansion on the windswept Cornish coast , as the second Mrs . Maxim de Winter recalls the chilling events that transpired as she began her new life as the young bride of a husband she barely knew . For in every corner of every room were phantoms of a time dead but not forgotten a past devotedly preserved by the sinister housekeeper , Mrs . Danvers : a suite immaculate and untouched , clothing laid out and ready to be worn , but not by any of the great house 's current occupants . With an eerie presentiment of evil tightening her heart , the second Mrs . de Winter walked in the shadow of her mysterious predecessor , determined to uncover the darkest secrets and shattering truths about Maxim 's first wife the late and hauntingly beautiful Rebecca . Though a long book , the book was a surprisingly fast read . I read it in only a day and a half and I didn 't feel like I was reading fast . I was reading and then it was over . I guess it 's because when there 's a really intriguing , kind of haunting type of book , you tend to not be able to put it down , despite its eeriness . Something scared me at the beginning about Rebecca , even though for nearly all of the book she was considered perfect and flawless . Even though it might seem at first glance that the narrator is just an average mouse who finds herself in a creepy old mansion with a guy she 's just barely met , I found there was actually something really weird about her . We never got a clear picture of her . All through the book , she is nameless . She 's just " the new Mrs . de Winter " . I find that decision a little odd but also very fascinating because you never see that in books , I think it was the first one I read that was like that . " the new Mrs . de Winter " in my opinion , was kind of a creep . There were some really unexpected moments in the book , actually I gasped out loud at some of them . My sister read the book before me and told me I should read it so I did and we talked about it throughout my reading it , which was cool because a lot of the books I read no one else in my family has read , so I liked that part of it . If you want a scary mystery that has an old fashioned aspect to it , then totally go for reading this . Posted by On tape , Hannah explains that there are thirteen reasons why she decided to end her life . Clay is one of them . If he listens , he 'll find out how he made the list . Through Hannah and Clay 's dual narratives , debut author Jay Asher weaves an intricate and heartrending story of confusion and desperation that will deeply affect teen readers . My Rating : 4 . 75 stars out of 5 stars Who Recommended it To Me : As always , friends on Goodreads : ) Who I Would Recommend it To : Everyone should read it ! Beautifully written and articulated , but sad at the same exact time . I always think that after you finish a book you should feel something , whether it be happiness , joy , sadness , peacefulness , or anger . To me I felt a little bit sad , a little bit angry , and a little bit lonely . I guess that 's good , right , since it must have had a pretty strong affect on you if you feel that way . When I ordered the book , I knew that it was going to be sad , but I wasn 't prepared for serious life - lesson type things . I talked to a couple of people who had serious issues with the book because they thought that the book concluded that Hannah 's suicide was a good choice of hers . But I think that if you are smart enough to get it , then you would understand that it obviously wasn 't a good choice . Another thing that made this book so sad was that through the tapes , Hannah 's personality and manner got so well developed that you would think that she was alive , in real life , instead of dead . In a book . So she doesn 't exist in two ways , but to me it felt like she existed in both . Since her character was so crystal - clear from the start , it was hard to deal with the fact that she was gone . I 'm usually not the kind of reader who likes super intense , sad , life - changing books such as this one , but I found that I really enjoyed reading this one . Well , I 'm not going to use the word " enjoyed " because it wasn 't what you would call , like , enjoyable . I think every one should read it at some point in their life because they could get a lot out of it . Posted by Diagnosed with Stage IV thyroid cancer at 13 , Hazel was prepared to die until , at 14 , a medical miracle shrunk the tumours in her lungs . . . for now . Two years post - miracle , sixteen - year - old Hazel is post - everything else , too ; post - high school , post - friends and post - normalcy . And even though she could live for a long time ( whatever that means ) , Hazel lives tethered to an oxygen tank , the tumours tenuously kept at bay with a constant chemical assault . Enter Augustus Waters . A match made at cancer kid support group . Being with Augustus is both an unexpected destination and a long - needed journey , pushing Hazel to re - examine how sickness and health , life and death , will define her and the legacy that everyone leaves behind . My Rating : 5 . 5 out of 5 stars Who I Would Recommend it To : Anyone . And Everyone . Additional notes : One of those books that makes you want to laugh and cry at the same time . When I give a book 5 stars it usually means that it was very very very good . But this time , I 'm giving it 5 stars because it was very very very very good . ( Notice the extra " very " tacked on at the end . ) I thought everything about it was beautiful . The title , the plot , the characters , even the cover ! I 'm not the type to feel sad enough to cry during books , but it was so full of feeling that I couldn 't decide whether to laugh or cry all during it . This I know because some of my favorite books I have cried over - - Where the Red Fern Grows . My Friend Flicka . Black Beauty . ( Notice a horse pattern here ? Well , at least an animal pattern ? ) Anyway , back to the book . I 'm not the romance type . I don 't think I can survive another cheesy teenage romance about some stupid girl ( if you hadn 't ever met a real person , only read YA books about real people , then you would definitely think the wrong things about teenage girls ) A good example of a cheesy , stupid , overdone romance is . . . of course . . . the famous / infamous Twilight . Puh - lease . Come on , Bella , I don 't care about Edward . Get over yourself and think . This one didn 't seem like the others , it was different in a way that made me think a little bit more about the YA genre . I usually stick to fantasy when reading Young Adult books but this one was a good change and i liked its unique manner . I will definitely be reading more of John Green 's books . Posted by Eight years after Graceling , Bitterblue is now queen of Monsea . But the influence of her father , a violent psychopath with mind - altering abilities , lives on . Her advisors , who have run things since Leck died , believe in a forward - thinking plan : pardon all who committed terrible acts under Leck 's reign , and forget anything bad ever happened . But when Bitterblue begins sneaking outside the castle - - disguised and alone - - to walk to street of her own city , she starts realizing that the kingdom has been under the thirty - five year spell of a madman , and the only way to move forward is to revisit the past . Two thieves , who only steal what has already been stolen , change her life forever . They hold a key to the truth of Leck 's reign . And on e of them , with an extreme skill called a Grace that he hasn 't yet identified , holds a key to her heart . My Rating : 4 . 75 out of 5 stars Who Recommended it to Me : I just stumbled upon this series at a library one dayWho I Would Recommend it To : Everyone should read this series ! Bitterblue was an extremely impressive third book in the awesome Graceling Realm series . Bitterblue is a beautiful strong heroine , though not as courageous as Katsa , of course . I find it really cool that at the end of the book , the reader got to revisit Fire ( now an old woman ) , and get sort of a peek into what the rest of her life had been like . Is it just me , or does Kristin Cashore 's writing get even more beautiful each book she writes ? Graceling was beautiful , Fire was exquisite , and Bitterblue boarded on pure perfection . I loved reading it slowly and savoring each word . Another thing I liked about this book was that the first chapter ( was it the prologue ? I can 't remember ) was told from the perspective of Bitterblue as a young child , before both her parents were killed . It was nice being able to step into her world for a chapter as a child and getting a feel ( sort of ) what it was like to be in her position . I really enjoyed that part of it . However I do think that things could have been further explained between Bitterblue and Giddon . I 'm not even sure if it was anything , so I guess I must have misread it , or Cashore gave up on it and decided to just put her with Sapphire ( who I totally love So , so , so so so much ) . I like Bitterblue 's character a lot but I couldn 't help but like Katsa and Fire just a little bit better because they possessed sort of both a physical and mental strength that Bitterblue didn 't seem to have as strongly as they did , which I lightly mentioned in the opening paragraph . I still liked her wit and her thought process . Bitterblue and Saf went through their ups and downs throughout the book , of course , and there were times when I seriously wanted to scream at the book because Saf was being such an idiot ! Obviously they were perfect but their love seemed to be quite sudden at the end of the book , which made me feel a little hesitant towards it . All iAnnabel R Hey guys , I 'm Annabel . I 'm 13 years old and this is my blog where I can rant about books , writing , music , and all of my other interests . Enjoy . View my complete profile Yup , you read that right , I 'm moving to Wordpress ! This has not been an easy decision , but I think it 's for the best . First of all , my customization tool h . . . The title of this post says it all : I 'm in a blogging AND reading slump . And that 's making me really , really sad since I love all of you guys : ( But becaus . . . Hey guys ! : ) Okay , well , I feel like a horrible person . Seriously , I do , but I have been making so many excuses to myself over the past 3 . . .
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me . I paint . I write . I have three kids , and live someplace cool . I want to paint and write more , but I have three kids . Luckily they grow more self sufficient every time I neglect them . It 's funny actually the coincidences that pop up . Last post I mentioned using the holidays as a kind of subject crutch for my attempt at humor columns . Now , nearing the end of the holidays and I 'm using an actual crutch . To make the circle complete I suppose I should write an article about that as well . - Maybe . For now I 'll just give you the shortened version of two baskets of laundry , a stairwell and what felt like a break but is apparently only some damaged ligaments . Let me tell you as inconvenient as this nonsense is , it is so much easier when your partner is in the country and you have the incredible blessing of a neighbor who is the bee 's knees . Note the possessive apostrophe . I 'm getting serious about my grammar and punctuation now . I hate catching my mistakes after something 's been posted . Latest article over at the Leader . Go ahead read it , you may be one of ten people in the world who do . Join the elite club . And if you 're feeling really crazy comment on it . Just don 't mention the typo 's and mistakes that I didn 't catch . I stumbled upon this really amazing artist Reuben Margolin and I 've been thinking about his work . First of all the precision and planning that go into his pieces verge on a religous reverence for the elements of nature . The simple act of movement is taken to this elaborate level . Second of all , it 's like this beautiful marriage of engineering , math , art and recycling . And third of all , can you imagine ? This guy set out to make these gorgeous monuments to nature and movement that have no practical application in the world but to make something beautiful . Can you imagine how many people probably called him crazy or mocked his efforts ? But the thing is , the wonder of it is , that what he has made could never have been achieved if he hadn 't pushed beyond that and stayed true to his vision . So I have a new hero . Also , I found this animation that emphasizes the importance of remembering , it can always get worse . http : / / vimeo . com / 6913172 I 'm a little tired of Christmas now . All the weight of the holiday falls on the shoulders of mothers . We carry the weight of all those expectations too long and we 're bound to just get tired . Besides I 've been writing all these seasonal pieces for the Blue Ridge Leader and I 'm afraid I 'm just using the seasonal stuff as a crutch because I don 't have much else to say . And then I decide to provide a new post here . The irony . Here is a post to say that I don 't have much to say . Meh . Here is one of my favorite bits of comedy for your viewing pleasure . Of course I know it by heart and parts of it have been rattling around in my head like song lyrics . Oh Erma I love you so . And then there 's my favorite Irishman . Dylan Moran . I 'll check in on you later when you 're done laughing at these . Recently I was re - reading The Christmas Letters by Lee Smith . If you haven 't read it , you should . It 's one of the few books in epistolary style you can find that 's done believably in my mind . But the thing is that in Christmas letters you read the great fiction of a person 's life . Lee highlights this in her writing so that what is said in the text is almost a whisper compared to the yell of all that isn 't said . We 've all read those letters . They almost read like a listing of accomplishments or a nomination for an award . Their lives can 't possibly be that good , and if it is , why gloat like that and shove it in all of our faces . But there is a desperate kind of flavor to it as well , between the lines . I remember there was a time when I wrote a few of the dang things and I think I was trying to convince myself that everything was hunky dory when I was new to being a mom , overwhelmed , or just plain lost and struggling my way through it all . So what brings that to mind is my wondering if this blog reads a little like those letters . Can you hear how I 'm struggling to get my footing ? Do I sound as scattered and desperate as I sometimes feel ? Maybe I 'll look back at all these posts once I 'm on the other side of all this and it will make sense as a clear transition from one thing to another . First I 'm painting , then I 'm writing . Then I 'm working on a kids book , then I 'm working on a novel and I thought it was going to be a YA novel but now I think it might be something else . Then I went and wrote another . And then I start writing a humor column and is it even funny ? I 'm so all over the place . Maybe I 'm just in a funk recovering from the trip to Georgia . No offense Georgia , I love you and all but I think I 'm just going to love you from over here . Two observations I picked up while I was down there this time around . 1 . The South is not rising anytime soon . 2 . Is there anything they don 't fry in oil ? Air ? I gained weight while I was there and it must have been the deep fried air . But I digress . I 'm finally coming to grips withPosted by Just to say - I 'm thoroughly amazed at how far you can get when you don 't know where you 're going . I still don 't have a clear idea of my plot , but I know my characters and they are leading the way right now . This is the fun and invigorating part of Nanowrimo where I 'm all hopeful frantic . Such a thrill I can 't understand why everyone isn 't doing this . But heck you must be toying with the idea or why would you be reading about me doing it with any interest ? If I wrote about jumping off bridges would you start leaning against the railings ? Jump in the water 's fine . Also , why is it that kids are so heart achingly sweet when they feel awful ? Is it the same Darwinian survival thing that makes them cute so you 'll feed them ? Poor Tully is under the weather . No it 's not swine flu - though every cough and cold seems more important this year doesn 't it ? She 's just a little feverish . As she was putting herself to bed she told me she was very happy that her brother and I were taking such good care of her . What a nice and sincere thanks ! Oh all right I 'll keep her , even if she does barf on me . Posted by Recently I read How to Become a Famous Writer Before You 're Dead , by Ariel Gore . I 've read a lot of books about writing but this has become my favorite . She dispels all the excuses for putting things off with practical advice . She doesn 't waste a lot of time telling you what you already know . If you want to be a writer , you have to write . What stands out about her advice are all the pointers she gives about self promotion and most of these ideas transfer over to the art market as well . Good stuff . Ariel Gore is the cat 's meow . Read anything she 's written and her personality just shines through every page . She 's the creator / editor of Hip Mama and worth checking out . Then , Bam opportunity fell into my lap . I 'm glad opportunity isn 't like a cat with the claws outstretched because that would really hurt . A writer friend met a woman looking for folks to contribute to an online version of a local paper that had gone out of print and she recommended me . I gave her two little audition type articles and she liked them ! So now I have the motivation to meet a deadline each week as I write this column . I 'll be making more material , honing the craft , maybe even grabbing a few more readers . ( No offense to my imaginary friends from here of course . ) Here it is , me in print ! http : / / brleader . com / Sort of . you know the kind without ink , on a screen and on an obscure website that I can 't even connect a link to . Hmm , not very differenty from this at all . My grand entrance to the respectable world outside of self publishing wasn 't graceful . If I 'd been thinking about it maybe my first sentence wouldn 't have had the word crud in it . The difficult thing was to describe what my general subject matter will be , and how to describe myself . Subject matter I still haven 't decided on , but since I 'm trying to write humor , I 'm going to go with whatever has the most joke potential . I 'm aiming for five laughs for each piece with pieces averaging about 600 words . This is what I came up with for a bio : Alice Mullen is just some poor shlump living over inPosted by So Felix 's teacher sent home a note . Actually it was more like a novella . He 's been arguing with her and being disrespectful . Which doesn 't sound like him , but when he gets an idea in his head he can be pretty fierce to defend it . The long note offered some examples of his behavior . Did I mention it was long ? And as much as I 'm embarrassed to know that he 's being difficult , as much as I want to help the teacher and come up with strategies for him to deal with everything better . I still think he 's doing better than I did as a kid . I was way too sensitive as a kid . I could deal with adults , I felt like I understood animals , but other kids were a mystery to me . Once we were watching a slide show about the sun . I was spacing out , looking out the window . I remember it was one of the slide show movies with a loud beep to signal in the recording for the teacher to change the slide . I tuned in to pay attention just in time to hear that the sun was a star and would eventually burn out . But , because I hadn 't been paying attention I thought they said it would burn out in 30 years not 30 million . ( This highlights the value of paying attention kids . ) I took in my little dose of misinformation and just absorbed it . I looked around at all my classmates and felt like I suddenly understood them . That it all made sense , the things they thought were funny that weren 't , the way they acted so loud and wild . It was only news to me , they already knew we were all doomed and they were just determined to live it up . I went on thinking like that for months before I finally sorted it all out . See ? Weird dark goth child . Maybe I was anemic , or prematurely depressed ? I think having a strange viewpoint growing up sort of helps me now . I can usually come at things from some unexpected angle , because normal just eludes me . But poor Felix . I hope him and normal can become acquainted . And while I 'm rummaging through the junk left on the sidewalks of memory lane I can 't leave out the big black dog . Grammar school our recess was out on the blacktop . APosted by Things are ridiculously good . I 've met so many amazing and incredibly nice people . I 'm meeting with someone tomorrow to find out about showing some artwork at a winery . I 'm meeting Friday with someone to help prepare for Oktoberfest . I 'm meeting Tuesday with another writer whose work I really like . After all the time and isolation I had back at the farm all these connections and shared interests are just blowing my mind . What have I done to get so danged lucky ? I 'd be an ass not to appreciate it , but I don 't want to jinx it either . So it all comes down to the butterflies . We have so many butterflies here that we don 't even need flowers , they just flit about in the trees , on the deck and the front lawn . Big black ones with bright blue tips . Zebra striped ones and the occasional monarch . We have so many butterflies in fact that sometimes when I walk out the front door to fast I get smacked in the face with a wing . That 's what my good fortune feels like right now . It 's just silly . My first time as a vendor in a fair ! Sales - wise , not a spectacular showing , but not bad either considering the economy . I learned so much and I was so lucky to have a good friend to share it with . I had made arrangements ages ago to borrow a tent from a friend and hadn 't really given much thought to how I would display things . The week before the fair I was wracking my brain trying to think of a way to display it all . A neighbor friend offered the loan of a standing panel , like a woven shutter - and then I remembered the much neglected shutters in the shed of the big house at the farm . Lickety split I chatted with the current tenants and slipped three tall and four short shutters into the car . In the following week I painted them all white , Eric set hinges on the short ones so they 'd stand independent and I muddled through with practice setups in the driveway . Not to reveal all my secrets but the tall shutters attached to the tent with rubber bands and hair - ties . Originally I had thought I would just tack a few nails in the wood and hang the paintings like I do in the studio . That doesn 't account for the wind though and then I realized that I could tie the canvases to the shutters with plain old kite string . Friday evening we set up just the tent and then went home planning to set up the display the following morning . The mother of all storms hit about an hour later and I found myself barefoot in the pouring rain , bailing out Emer 's egress window with a bucket . The gutter had clogged ( right above it of course ) and the view out her window became an odd kind of aquarium . I bailed the water from about waist height , back down to the rocks where it was supposed to be and then got the call from the fair that the tent had gone down and that 's all they knew . They didn 't know if it had blown away , been knocked down , broken . No details . It was hard to sleep that night wondering what I had to look forward to in the morning . I packed up everything I would need to set up , all the paintings and rubber bands and kite string and dePosted by I refuse to make excuses . But I will do some splainin ' . Stay - at - home mom . . summertime , more busy . New house , moving , cleaning out old house , more busy . No internet at new house , more stir crazy than usual and more busy . So it 's August . What of it . You want to start something with me on my lack of bloggability ? Get in line . I have three small people taking turns telling me how much I suck on a minute by minute basis . In all fairness , they have been really good sports about the hard stuff . The constant drives to and from . The endless boxing and un - boxing , the cleaning , the painting . They entertained themselves all pretty reasonably . It 's just the last couple of days that they 've all hit a limit of sorts and started a mutiny . The weird thing is that this is after I 've been trying to make sure they have more fun , get to see more friends , really savor the last of the summer . Give them an inch and they seem to say WTF ? I ordered a mile , and by the way - cut my milk ! I know we 're probably just on the other side of the whole moving transition . I know it 's a big change . It must be hard to suddenly have a bigger nicer house , neighbor friends in walking distance and a whole community of neighbors that all seem too good to be true . - We really have lucked out . We found this place , weighed our options , did a lot of math and what if scenarios , but we didn 't account for the neighbor factor . It reminds me a little of the movie Ice Castles . - We forgot about the flowers . I haven 't painted anything but walls for a month or more , and my writing has been collecting dust . Always a good push in the right direction is the success of friends . A writer that had been kind enough to work with me for a bit recently got an agent . Besides being so happy for her , I 'm also mad at myself . I 'm looking forward to the school schedule so I can get back to writing more regularly . - And doubting myself and my commitment . Dang it . Maybe if I did only one thing I could be more successful . And maybe I should paint the basement a light warm tan . I don 't know . DistraPosted by Fast forward . We bought the house . Eric was in Amarillo at the time and I got to sign all the paperwork for both of us . I signed John Eric Arlington by Alice Mullen attorney in fact , and Alice Mullen like a zillion times and then it was done . Funny thing I met with Eric afterward and we were having dinner in a local restaurant when he asked when we would get the keys . I forgot to ask for them and our realtor forgot to give them to us ! She was so nice to drive out and drop them off right there and then for us though . We 've been a flurry of activity since then getting the house fixed up , and ready for us to move in . The place came with a riding lawnmower that was broken and Eric managed to fix it . Matter of fact his knack has come in pretty handy as he 's fixed the dishwasher , and washing machine as well . He 's also dug a trench and put in a pipe to fix a water drainage problem . With some help getting started I 've painted two bathrooms and half of a bedroom . There 's also been a lot of cleaning , but for the most part the house is just about ready for us . We 've got a contractor putting in a window for the downstairs basement and then we 'll move in . Right now we 've been doing little day trips over bringing small loads of stuff each time . A nice tradition we 've started is that once we 're done with whatever chores we planned while we 're there we go for a walk on the trails that Eric has mowed . It 's a nice way to wind down and remember why we like it there so much . There are fresh blackberries on the path and we usually see some kind of wildlife . Frogs by the pond , rabbits or a deer . Oddly the deer where Eric went camping were less wild then the ones in our backyard . This photo is from a camping trip Eric took the kids to in Shenendoah . Okay . Back to packing and hauling things and such . - A We 've begun the countdown to when we 'll close on the new house . It 's a weirdly exciting process to finally own a house and to plan this whole moving / settling in process . One of the best parts is that I 'll have a garage as a studio . It has enough electricity to run the kiln and to do the batik work I 've been making and start experimenting with encaustic painting which is a really nice blending of both the batik work and oil painting . I might even be able to give some painting classes in the studio . I 'm still plugging away at the writing process . I 've been taking a writing course online and I 'm pleased with both how demanding it has been and the quality of work from the other students . What I need to do is start submitting the pieces I 've written . In a weird twist of fate we finally have some neighbors in the big house and I really like them . It 's so nice to see people outside and just go and hang out . It 's been especially nice for Tully to have a little friend her own age to play with . It 's going to be difficult to move away from them . I 'm gearing up for the Lucketts Fair in August making a variety of paintings at different price ranges to try and sell . If it goes well I might try and do the Waterford Fair as well . Word on the street is that it 's a more art oriented program and the people with heavy wallets are more prone to show up and spend . We 'll see . Sort of a boring post but them 's the facts Jack . I 'll try and post photos of all the new work I 've been making soon . So I 'm surprised that after feeling locked out of the housing market for so long that being a prospective home buyer is not really all that exciting to me . That said , we seem to have found a house or it has found us . All the arguments against buying have dawdled off and left me standing on the precipice of this really huge decision . I 'm oddly detached . I tell a few friends and they congratulate us . - Really ? We 're taking on a huge fiscal responsibility that could be like an albatross around our necks weighing us down and limiting our options in a shifting sea of uncertainties . Yay ? Usually I 'm pretty in tune with myself . I 've got a pretty good handle on what I 'm feeling and why most of the time . Maybe it 's just that this is uncharted territory for us , a great unknown . Maybe it 's because we 've studied the housing bubble for so long that we can 't be swayed with the allure of home decorating . I don 't know . - And that 's so odd to me since usually I 'm such an insufferable know - it - all . Some comfort as we head into this is that as much as we 've settled into our lives here at the farm , the park authority that runs it has a 15 yr plan for the property that doesn 't include us . I think I would feel better leaving here if something would break or someone would make me mad . It seems so counter intuitive to leave when things are good . Hmm . Much to ponder . And on the subject of pondering I 've realized that too often with this blog I play it safe . I recently stumbled into a blog - Pacing in the Panic Room and I left mesmerized by how the author , Ryan had entered into this thing , this process so fully . In his writing he revealed himself with a capital R , allowing himself to be vunerable and sentimental and just so achingly human that I felt privileged to witness his journey . Also for a long time I 've followed Sharon in her blog Weapons of Mass Distraction , so much so that I feel like I could count her as a friend . She 's clued me in to so many cool sites and music and art that I owe her a great debt , yet we 've never met . And Holy Cow wPosted by Usually I 'm not a big fan of dyeing eggs for Easter . My family wasn 't big on the tradition ; or if we did , we were lackadaisical about actually having an Easter egg hunt . Little did I know how much fun it could be if you know the right people . The kids and I and Eric made these beauties at Mary 's house with hot wax and batik methods . Almost too pretty to eat , but we 'd better eat them soon . Egg salad anyone ? It seems fitting to be looking at pictures of eggs though because aside from Easter it seems that we 're waiting for all sorts of things to hatch . ( Tapping my toe and pointedly looking at you Kristi . But no pressure , really . tap tap tap . anytime now . tap tap ) We 're waiting to see if the renewed dream of buying a house will hatch into something real and watching all the greenery explode around us . Things are good , and more good things will come . There comes a point when enough is just enough . Damn you wood paneling , damn you to hell . ( read threatening scowl , shaking fist here ) . So tired of facing these dark brown walls for yet another day I fought back and I might have actually won . I used every trick I 've ever heard of , big white ceiling to floor curtains ( more to cover the wall than the window ) , mirrors everywhere , more white accessories than you can shake a stick at . As if that wasn 't enough , I peeled off the two layers of grimy old wallpaper behind the sink in the kitchen and painting the small bit of non - wood white . I don 't have before and after photos because it was such a dark cave before even the camera said , " No thanks I 'd rather not . " But here are a few of the improvements . And because they 're my kind of improvements they were all on the cheap . The result ? Entirely more tolerable . It 's not the Taj Mahal but at least I 'm not internally cringing every time my eyes bump against the structural necessities of my confinement . Now that the interior is more better I can focus on more important things . Like what you ask ? New items in the shop ! I 'm taking spring cleaning to a new level and offering new listings of all styles and sizes , older work , newer stuff and more to come . Keep posted . My continuing frustration is with the quality of my photos of the paintings . Every version I can get of clear lighting also reflects a bit off the oil giving a slightly washed out look that doesn 't really show the vibrancy of the colors . Ah , well I 'll keep at it regardless . In the writing realm I 'm been having a lot more success with a program called scrivener that allows you to divide chapters into scenes and shuffle and rearrange . I 've revised up to chapter 5 and I 'm hopeful that I 'm getting somewhere . I 've also been so very lucky to find another writer to share work with . It 's time to sign up for some online classes though and get the show on the road . In the more mundane realm of family . Eihmear had a birthday , which once a year is about what you 'd expect . I think 9 willPosted by Okay . So the thing that 's really disorienting about Facebook is all these people popping up out of the woodwork from my hometown , my high school , grammar school ect . There was a 30 rock episode that pretty much sums up my experience with this but I couldn 't find a clip to link to here . The basic gist was that Tina Fey 's character thought she was a geek , a loser that everyone picked on . The truth was that she was so defensive she was verbally attacking people , making jokes at their expense all through school and they all thought she was a bully . I don 't know where in the spectrum I fall but it sure felt familiar as I watched it . I feel like I owe everyone from my hometown an apology . I wasn 't very nice , or very aware of anything other than how miserable I was . So very glad not to be there any more . I 'm done with my short obsession with moving or buying a house . It 's a kind of crazy that can take you over imagining possible futures in different places . My only hang up with staying here on the farm is that the park authority won 't let me paint the wood paneling and the sight of it makes me ill . I 'm reviewing various schemes for covering it up . None of which Eric will approve . We got Emer a spacing retainer to help spread her jaw to fit all those big teeth . And I 'm comforting myself with what an expensively beautiful smile she 'll have someday . It 's difficult for her to talk with it in , it 's uncomfortable and difficult to get used to , but she 's being an incredibly good sport about it all . I signed up to sell my artwork at the local fair this summer . I 'm sharing the space with my Tuesday Night Art Group so it 's bound to be fun even if it isn 't profitable . I refuse to post another false promise to post pictures later . Look , me and the camera are having an argument . I don 't want to get into it . I finished the first rough draft of what we will loosely refer to here as , - the novel . Now my plan is to let it stew for a few weeks , get some distance from it and then when I return to it , turn it into something I would actually want to read . As a late xmas gift to myself , or just to celebrate , I got myself a new bracelet . I 'll include pictures later once I find the camera . Coolest piece of jewelry EVER . Made from old typewriter keys . Put it on my writing hand , of course . I 'm interested in the way my brain shifts focus after being so intent for what felt like so long . I haven 't jumped into a new story but I have jotted down twenty or more ideas to turn into stories , for different age groups . Though it seems like a lame file to have in my documents I actually put them all into an ' idea box ' so I have something to draw from when the well runs dry . Then I started painting again . I started reworking the huge abstract , and then ideas and color combinations started flooding my brain . I 'll be lucky if I can get them all onto a canvas in the time I have , but I 'll try . Even though big canvases are my big happy right now I 'm going to try and knock off some smaller pieces to post on the etsy site . I might even create some small booklets of my stories to offer for sale . As for random thoughts on another subject entirely . A huge flock of canadian geese came honking by this morning and it was such a drizzly cold rainy day I felt sorry for them for a second , living out in the elements . And then it dawned on me that they love the water , and they love to fly , so flying in the rain would be the best of both worlds for them . Lucky ducks , or erm geese . They still look like flying bowling pins to me though . Alice Mullen lives in Lovettsville , Virginia . A slave to her creative muse , she seems incapable of engaging in any endeavor that actually earns money . Mother of three , writer , painter , and wise arse extraordinaire , she balances an inferiority complex with an inflated sense of self . Her credentials are too numerous to mention , her expertise too wide and varied to question . Her work has been published in the Barcelona Review , The Dead Mule , and The Blue Ridge Leader . Her education is a combination of both high brow elitist learning and street smarts . Reports indicate that she graduated from the University of New Hampshire . Specific streets , thoroughfares and alleys involved in other aspects of her education wisely refuse to be identified . She is currently working on a novel . She will except both compliments and money at alice . mullen @ gmail . com
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My younger sister turned 30 today . ( Whoa ! Nothing like that and the invitation to my 20th High School Reunion taped to the frig to make me feel like I have earned the little gray hairs creeping into my hairline . Seriously ! ! ! Does this mean I am a grown - up ? ? How did that happen ? ) Anyway . . . HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARI ! I still vividly remember the day you were born . I remember that it took ALL STINKING day for you to arrive and you broke Mom 's tailbone on the way out . I remember that as thrilled as I was to have a sister , I was worried that the nursery workers switched you . I was so sure you were going to be a boy ( although I wanted a sister ) and with your dark skin and thick black hair you looked nothing like any baby who had been born in our family ! In fact you looked like you belonged to the Hispanic family who was waiting all day for their baby who just happened to be a blond haired and blue eyed boy ! But Mom assured me that she saw you the minute you were born and you really were my sister ! : ) I 'm so glad you are my sister ! I can 't wait to see what the next thirty years will bring ! Love you ! The birthday girl ! We celebrated Jim 's birthday too . ( just 20 days late ) He 's got skillz ! Opening gifts . . . Jim has a handful doesn 't he ? : ) Ella Kate learned to sing " Happy Birthday ! " Sari got it on her camera . I 'll have to see if I can upload it . EK was really wound up and so cute singing for us . Just 8 days until her own big 2 year old birthday celebration ! When I was prego with EK I ran across this picture of the 5 foot , 4 inch Mrs . Yubo with her 5 foot , 7 inch prego belly carrying multiple multiples . At the time I was amazed , repulsed and in general awe of this woman . I even blogged about it . The picture made me feel better because at least I was not that big ! After seeing this poor pregnant woman , I decided to grin and bare my aching back and missing ankles . Fast forward two years . The other night I was reading my old blog entries around the time of EK 's birth ( as is my custom on anniversaries and birthdays ) and came across this picture again . Still feeling sorry for the woman , I Googled her to see how she faired in her pregnancy . I found this article . . . Turns out Mrs . Yubo wasn 't so prego after all ! This was her true size at the time of that picture . She was pregnant , but with only one baby . These are all the things she used to stuff her belly . That is so wrong ! Well , at least 2 years later I can stop having nightmares about her ! And now you can too : ) What blog ? Oh yeah , I have a blog ! Sorry I have not been a very good blogger lately . If you could see my house right now you would understand why I am not blogging . Our living room looks like a construction zone . . . again ! Actually , some area of our house has been in " construction mode " off and on since October . I 'm starting to get used to it . I barely remember what it is like to have a " finished " house . ( Is there ever really such a thing ? ? ? ) I am not griping because I am the one who keeps thinking up more to do . I 'm almost afraid our " normal " has become this weird chaotic limbo of half finished projects and temporary " construction zones " scattered across the house . Not my ideal " home " at all ! So I have tried to buckle down and get something knocked out around here . The good news I think I have successfully re - built the entertainment center into two separate functioning pieces of ( massive ) furniture . The bad news is that the paint isn 't sticking to either of them the way I had hoped . But maybe I can put the saws and nail gun away and just trip over the sander and other paint paraphernalia for a while ! : ) This week I sanded the lockers for Rhett 's room . I finally have a great plan to finish that big kid sports room we have talked about for so long . Truth be told , Rhett 's room has never been " finished ' since he made the jump to his big boy bed years ago . I just couldn 't get inspired . Besides he is a boy and seemed OK with it " just sorta done . " But Rheyy also likes to have things just so and does not like the boxes that have been in the corner of his room since the floors started back in March . Can you blame him ? Rhett also likes little talk and lots of action . This morning I was asking him what color he wanted something and he said " Mom please no more plans , just do it ! " He is so his father 's son ! ( And that is a good thing ! ) Anyway I hope to get a lot done in Rhett 's room next week while Kolby is at camp . We will see . Oh . . . and we have a 2 year birthday coming up in a week or so ! Can you believe that ? I am so in denial tat Revised with pictures and a bird update ! Yes ! We have joined the rest of the Wii crazed nation . Even though I was sure Santa was going to bring a Wii next Christmas , Rob beat him to it . Last Sunday ( week before Father 's Day ) Rob found a Wii at the regular price in stock at our Toys - R - Us and couldn 't pass it up ! He said to consider it an early Father 's Day present . So we did . The kids are pleased as punch ! I have to admit it was probably much better to get the Wii now instead of at Christmas . It gives the kids something fun to do indoors when it is 102 outside with 80 % humidity as it was this week . And it really is fun ! Our actual Father 's Day was pretty uneventful . Last Saturday I woke up bright ans early to take Kolby into the doctor . . . our first Saturday doctor 's visit ever for the kids . She had a horrible night Friday . Her left ear was throbbing and she was so dizzy she could barely walk . Every time she stood up she thought she would puke . . . luckily she never did . None of us were surprised to find out she had a really bad middle to inner ear infection . She has been on antibiotics ever since and is still not 100 % . Kolby has never had an ear infection before ( that I remember ) . Actually my kids are not prone to ear infections . Rhett has never had one ( that I remember ) . However , Ella Kate had her first at Easter and has had two since then . She is just now finishing up antibiotics for the last one . What is it with ears around here ? After getting Kolby settled with her medicine I took myself to the doctor . They thought it was strep but it wasn 't . The doctor said it was some sort of throat infection , loaded me up with samples and sent me on my way . That 's my kind of doctor ! So we didn 't do much the rest of the weekend . Applebees take out catered our Father 's Day meal with my parents . Rob got a shirt and an Indiana Jones Lego Game for the Wii ( He 's not the only parent who can buy fun stuff ! : ) We gave my Dad a shredder . It 's what he wanted . My Dad is by far the hardest person to buy for . . . But he loved his shredder ! : ) Sariat So little time . Update coming soon , I promise . BUT I had to give a cyber shout - out to my blog friend Kelly ! I have mentioned her before . She adopted two little boys from Ukraine in February and then today got the best news ! ! ! ! Viktor is coming home ! ! ! ! ! I can 't stop smiling I 'm so happy for them ! If you have the time , go read back entries of Kelly 's blog or hit the link on the top right of her blog for the " Reader 's Digest " version of Viktor 's story . It is so inspirational ! I 'm not one to gush on and on about all that God has done , but God has been all over this story from the get go ! What an awesome God we serve ! Yay Viktor ! Yay Kelly ! Yay GOD ! ! ! ! There is going to be a big party in Omaha very soon ! : ) This week our church hosted a children 's Music Camp . Rhett was a " Son Seeker " and Kolby was part of the Nation Vacation Musical . They both had a blast all 5 days and really enjoyed performing last night . My pictures are not that great . Someday I need to learn how to use my camera ! I 'll up - load some videos to Youtube and post the links here later . Here is a blurry picture of Rhett with the Son Seekers . This is Kolby doing her " Do Unto " dance . Kolby loves this type of thing and really loved singing her solo in " Oh Happy Day ! " My contribution to Music Camp was making the bus set in the background . When the Children 's Ministers asked me to make the bus and I agreed , none of us had any clue how much it would involve . The bus became known as " the beast " in our house . The beast ate 20 hours out of last weekend and more hours out of the last four weeknights than I care to remember . Here is an abbreviated evolution of THE BUS ! It all started with 5 8x4 sheets of cardboard . Four trips to Wal - mart and two different kinds of primer later . . . After 12 hours of drawing , tracing , erasing , re - priming , sweating , and doing it all again , all these bus patterns combined to make up the outline of the " beast . " Many hours of painting , outlining , re - painting and re - outlining later . . . Some tense moments with a box cutter , a few hours in Lowe 's and a gallon of midnight oil later . . . the beast stands ! And finally after a few hours of touch - ups and grooming , we had a standing bus that was able to endure the rigors of sharing a stage with 40 or so kids through many rehearsals and a performance . . . not to mention a few dozen photo ops , including this one with 8 kids from my family ! Thanks to my husband who was willing to put the kids to bed by himself every night for 6 nights in a row , my mother who was willing to watch kids during her first three days of summer break , and many others from church who were willing to pitch in . . . the beast was tamed , mounted and hung and was able to function just as we hoped it would ! I love creating . I love painting . I love at OK . I was told today that craigslist has been here for a while . But I just discovered it this week . . . And I found a doozey of a deal ! I have been talking about re - doing Rhett 's room for over 2 years now . We have the bunk beds and I bought the bedding off of e - bay long ago . ( It 's still in the box ) I have known Rhett wants a " sports " room from the start . But , I just couldn 't think of anything that would give his room that certain " oomph ! " I want it to have . You know , that thing that inspires you to do something really fun and creative ? Something that not every other boy 's sports room would have ? I searched high and low but I just could not find anything to inspire me . . . until today . Today I found the " oomph " for Rhett 's room for the bargain price of $ 50 . 00 and two van trips . Take a look . . . Yes . You are seeing three sets of green lockers straight out of an old school building . I bought the two shorter ones for Rhett 's room . The tall one only cost $ 20 . 00 and is for our garage . Can you believe that ? ? ? ? : ) All of these lockers for $ 70 . 00 ! THANK YOU CRAIG ! I have so many great ideas of how we are going to incorporate these lockers into something unique and fun for Rhett . And yes . As with every other project I have going right now , it will take time , and hours of sanding , priming and painting . But I can 't to wait to get started on this ! Problem is I already had three or four other big projects in the works before I got these lockers . Seems that my " projects list " is too long for my " no time for projects " life so things get done slowly , too slowly . Since we can barely walk in our garage right now , Rhett 's room re - do may get bumped up to the top of the list ! Actually I am chin deep in another huge project this week which I will blog about later . But , if you are in the area and would like the locker info , leave a comment or just check out Craigs list for yourself . Look under furniture & search for " lockers . " If there are any still available , the listing will come up . I 'm so excited to find Craigslist locally . I much prefer to get biat A lot has changed in Texas in the last 152 years . However , since 1856 , the Governor of Texas has always lived in the same white house in Austin right across the street from the Capital Building . The Texas Governor 's Mansion is both a State and National Historical Monument . I was very sad to hear this morning that " a catastrophic blaze ravaged the elegant white mansion , cratered its roof and covered its signature columns with thick soot . " Luckily no one was in the mansion when the fire broke out as it was undergoing renovations . Gov . Rick Perry ( aka Gov . Good Hair ) and his family moved out last fall before renovations began . The Governor has since been blasted for the $ 10 , 000 a month rent the state is paying for his temporary housing . Looks like the State might need to renegotiate that lease for an additional year or more ! Thank goodness all the priceless antique furniture as well as the mansion 's extensive Texas historical art collection also moved out last Fall and are safe in storage . Since Sam Houston , it is tradition for each first family to leave some special piece of furniture in the mansion when they leave office . All of those special pieces are also safely stored away . Had the fire happened when the house was full , the loss would have been even more tragic . Sari is in Atlanta today . She called me when she heard about the Governors Mansion so we could be sad about it together . That may seem a little weird to some . But you see , as far back as I can remember , my Dad worked for the Texas Highway Department . I think we got a discount rate at many state parks and museums . So 95 % of our family vacations were to historic sites in Texas . Sari and I may have been bored at times , but we grew up appreciating our State ! As a young girl I remember visiting the Capital then going across the street to tour of the public portion of the Governor 's Mansion . I remember hearing how after one of his children was hurt , a Governor hammered nails into the mansions long tall banister to keep his kids from sliding down it . The guide at YES ! My favorite toddler is 23 months old ! Can you believe she will be 2 this time next month ? I 'm having a hard time thinking of her as 2 . Let me tell you 23 ( or so ) things about this little chica . . . In ways she seems older than just two ( probably because she thinks she is the same age as her bother and sister ) yet , she is still my cuddly baby who loves to rock and sing before bedtime and naps . She is the most verbal and expressive little thing I have ever seen . She says " Hi " and " Bye " to everyone when they come or go . Leaving the grocery store the other day we were about to walk out when she said " Wait ! " So I stopped . She proceeded to yell at the top of her lungs " Bye bye eva - body ! " and waved like she was in a parade . I was laughing when she said " Go Mama " and continued to wave and say bye to every person we passed the whole way to the car . Everyone within earshot waved back and smiled . That girl ! She is a precious little spit - fire . I don 't think she ever stops moving , talking , or getting into things ! She can make messes faster than I can clean them up , and does so daily . Her favorite foods are Frosted Mini wheats cereal in " ' mulk " , cheese , mac and cheese , spaghetti , ice cream , broccoli , green beans , bananas , strawberries , peaches , apple sauce , chocolate milk and root beer . She eats a ton some days and hardly anything others . But I feel she must get what she needs because she seems to have limitless energy ! I wish I had a tenth of her energy . . . and cuteness ! She completely loves life . She loves her Mama and Dada ( who she sometimes calls " Wob " = hasn 't found that R sound yet ) and runs across the room to give us big hugs when she first sees us . It 's so fun to be some one 's favorite person ! And anyone she knows is her favorite person . She adores her " sissy and bubba " ( who she sometimes calls " Wet " ) She is so happy when it is time to go get them from school or when she wakes up to find that they are home . She loves to play in their rooms and snuggle with them in their beds . And they adore her . . . except when she messes at Yesterday was our first official morning of summer . Kolby spent the night away so it was just Rhett , EK and me . Rhett asked if we could get donuts for breakfast with a coupon he got from school to mark the first sleep late morning of summer . So we did . EK loves NO - Nuts ! She was covered in sticky so I decided to put her in the tub . I noticed that she had little red spots all over the right side of her back that seemed to be spreading . Since they didn 't look like bug bites and since one or two looked like they were blistering , I called our pediatrician 's office immediately . They said they could work us in if we could be there in 30 minutes . . . . and since it could be CHICKEN POX please come in the back door . CHICKEN POX ? Since the office is a good 20 minutes from our house I had to run ! I yanked EK out of the tub , put clothes on her , put her wet hair in a ponytail , sent Rhett across the street with Sari , put on a clean shirt and ran out the door . Mid - way to the doctor I realized I had no make - up on and had barely brushed my hair ! Motherhood has taken away most of my pride , but even I sometimes get embarrassed when I realize what I have gone out in public looking like . OH WELL ! The good news is EK does not have chicken pox . She just has very sensitive skin and a weird unknown viral rash . We also learned that she has an ear infection and possibly a sinus infection . But , thank goodness it 's not a virus ! And we did get an RX ! I 'm so glad we went in . Poor EK ! She can not stay well for long , can she ? Thankfully she doesn 't seem to bothered by this ear infection and she doesn 't have " chicken pops " as Rhett calls them . We were all relieved that our summer didn 't get off to a fowl start ( he - he ) . . . Aside from watching baby birds Junie and Bee yesterday . By the way , we named the other bird " Bee " for three reasons : 1 . It was the second born ( a , b ) 2 . EK calls the baby birds " bee - bee birds ow - side " 3 . Junie B ( Jones ) is one of our favorite characters ! : ) Today is the first day of summer mothers - day - out . The kids are so excited . Rhett isat I went outside after lunch today and saw Papa bird looking for seeds . I checked to see if someone was watching the nest and saw this ! I took one more picture holding my camera way up in the air then went inside to get a better view . I took the rest from inside . I don 't know what happened to the egg . One minute it was there and the next it was gone ! If you read this blog in the next two weeks , be prepared for lots of bird pictures ! I am so fascinated with our incredible view into the lives of these Mourning Doves ! My kids are excited too , but they have nothing on their Mama when it comes to loving to watch our little feathered friends . Here is a little video in case you wanted to actually see them move ! : ) at One of our little mourning dove 's eggs hatched today ! Yay baby bird ! These next two pictures were taken through the window and are kind of blurry ! Since today is June 1st we will call her Junie . Welcome to the world Junie ! We should see the second baby bird hatch sometime tomorrow . We are so excited ! Off to go buy sunflower seeds for the proud parents ! : ) I am a happily married Mom of three who can not spell . God , through his grace , has chosen to love and bless me anyway . I love to read the stories of others on these blogs , so I decided to start writing my own . PLEASE feel free to COMMENT and welcome to my little corner of blog world ! I tend to revise and update after I push publish the first time so keep checking back . Who knows what a post will look like when I am finally happy with it ? Like me , this blog is always a work in progress !
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I never wanted to be that girl . The one who thought she wasn 't good enough , or pretty enough , for any guy , much less one with admirable qualities . I didn 't want to be that girl who thought she didn 't deserve to be in a relationship . I read all of the Twilight books ( a mistake , I know ) , and wanted to smack Bella every time she mentioned or thought about how undeserving of Edward she was . I vowed never to be that girl … until I realized , I am . In this season of preparing for a wedding & marriage there have been many well wishes and congratulations . When I talk with people , many have expressed their happiness for my fiance and I , and many have said , " You deserve this . " It has always rubbed me a little funny , that phrase . And I have finally figured out why . I don 't . I don 't deserve any of this . Hear me out , now , and let me explain . In this life , I deserve nothing . Wait , that 's not quite right . In this life , I deserve death . For the wages of sin is death ~ Romans 6 : 23a . I have sinned against a righteous and holy God . More times than I could ever count . Death is all I deserve . But the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord . ~ Romans 6 : 23b I deserve death , but have been granted life . and not just any life , but eternal life ! You know that means forever , right ? Because Jesus paid the price for my sin ( and for yours ) , I can accept the free gift of life eternal ( and so can you ) . That is an amazing thing all on it 's own . And now here is the rest of my point - it is all I 'll ever need . 3His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness , through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence , 4by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises , so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature , having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire . ~ 2 Peter 1 : 3 & 4 Because of my salvation in Jesus Christ , I should want for nothing . In not getting what I deserve ( death ) and getting what I don 't deserve ( eternal life ) I should be forever grateful . I am forever grateful . Any other blessing that God chooses to bestow upon me is icing on the cake . My job that I love , my comfortable home , a car that still runs , and , yes , even a wedding at the end of the month and a future with a man I adore . All of those are bonuses on top of the most precious gift I could ever be given . Especially considering I had all but given up that that last one would ever happen . " The soil that we despise grows the spiritual fruit that we most desperately need . It can become a greenhouse for spiritual growth , but that doesn 't make it any more enjoyable to live through . It 's awful space but God can do some wonderful things in it . " - Jeff Manion I have not felt like I 'm just " waiting around " for a couple years now , and it feels pretty great . As my bestie would say , " You 're going out there and livin ' life ! " And that really is what it 's about . Through this time of singleness , God has grown me . I am no longer wishy - washy or uncertain in my faith . I know where I stand and am confident in it . I have moments of doubt , don 't get me wrong , but I don 't get stuck in them like I used to . I know where to go , who to talk to , to find the answers I need . I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God that you may know that you have eternal life . And this is the confidence that we have toward him , that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us . And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask , we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him . - 1 John 5 : 13 - 15 The word " know " there refers to an intimate knowledge , a personal knowledge , one that can only be gained by spending time with the One who created knowledge to begin with . While I 'm sure that there is still much more for me to learn and some that I will never attain this side of heaven , I know Him in this way . I know with certainty that nothing can snatch me from HIs hand . If you would have told me 3 years ago that I 'd be working with teens or training for a half - marathon in the future I would have laughed at you . Probably in your face . These are the things God has me doing now ; leading the youth group at church & getting ready for a half marathon come February . He gave me a strong desire to start the youth group at the beginning of the year . My heart was pulled to do it and I could not say no ; here was an opportunity to share my faith with those younger than I ; to be a role model for them - someone I desperately needed when I was their age . I take joy in getting to know these kids more and letting them know how much God loves them and all He did just to have a relationship with them . It 's even better when they show me examples of this from their day - to - day , acknowledging that God is the One behind it all . So , basically , if I were where I really want to be ( married with a kiddo or two or three ) , there 's no way I 'd be able to do what I 'm doing now . There 's no way I would learn to trust God in these situations ( though I 'm sure there would be many other different situations I 'd be dealing with ) . This space in time is fertile soil for the growing & maturing of my faith . Exactly what it 's maturing me for , I do not know . But He does . If you are in a place in your life where you really don 't want to be , a place you cannot wait to get out of & on to the next thing , just stop for a moment . If you cannot think of anything good that has come out of this time , ask God to reveal it to you . But even if He doesn 't , know that He 's got a plan for it . And a plan for you . There is a reason my Bible falls open to a certain page . The spine is broken from pouring over the same words time and time again . Words that lift my heart . Words that give me hope . Words that led me on to Christ some 13 years ago . O Lord , you have searched me and you know me . You know when I sit and when I rise ; you perceive my thoughts from afar . You discern my going out and my lying down ; you are familiar with all my ways . Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely , O Lord . You hem me in - behind and before ; you have laid your hand upon me . Such knowledge is too wonderful for me , too lofty for me to attain . Where can I go from your Spirit ? Where can I flee from your presence ? If I go up to the heavens , you are there ; if I make my bed in the depths , you are there . If I rise on the wings of the dawn , if I settle on the far side of the sea , even there your hand will guide me , your right hand will hold me fast . If I say , " Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me , " even the darkness will not be dark to you ; the night will shine like the day , for darkness is as light to you . For you created my inmost being ; you knit me together in my mother 's womb . I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made ; your works are wonderful , I know that full well . ~ Psalm 139 : 1 - 14 Not only have some events of today pulled me down , but also battles within myself . Battles that I want to ignore or explain away . Ones that , more often than not , find me glued to a screen or my nose in a book in attempts to escape . Because facing them head - on would be hard . Facing them could hurt . Acknowledging they exist would mean … my being aware that they exist . And that makes them rather hard to ignore . I came to a place when I knew I had to turn to my Father . Much too often I try to do these things on my own . I let it all out , no holds in telling Him the things I desire most . Things I 've spoken of too many times to count . At first , He does not answer , but the author of lies does . " Really ? What makes you think you are worthy of such things ? Why would any man spend the rest of his days with you ? " Tears fall once again as I attempt to retreat within myself , somewhere no one can find me . But then there is the still small voice . The nudge that tells me I know just what I should do , just where I should turn to find His answer . So I take the worn book off the shelf . Pages are falling out . Tears have soaked through many pages . Yet it still gives me what I need to hear as it falls open to the place where the spine is broken . Open to what I know I need to read . What I know I need to remember . What He knows needs to be refreshed within my heart . " O Lord , you have searched me … " He knows all I do before I do it , even before I think of it . He knows what is to come . If anyone is to know that , I 'm certainly glad it 's Him . He 's got a plan , one He created way before I was born ; I can rest & trust in that . He will hold me through it all . I may have lost this battle , but the Lord is victorious in the end ; and as I 'm on His side , what have I to fear ? There is no place of escape that is too far away from Him who loves you . There is no place so dark or dire where He cannot reach . There is no act too horrid that cannot be forgiven by the One who stretched His arms out wide to save the entire world . His works are wonderful . As He is the Creator , and we , the creation ; so what does that make us ? Sometimes it just takes a reminder , maybe a word from a friend or a Bible opening to where the spine is broken , to let us know that we are loved . More than we could ever fathom . A lot has been going on in the past month , both good and trying . I 'll get back to writing more soon , but it 's late , and , for now , this will suffice . I pray it encourages you , wherever you might be in your journey . How many times have you heard those words , " God only knows " ? How many times , when you heard them , did you associate them with something positive ? Until recently , I must admit , I always heard and said those words with a negative connotation . In my thinking , I heard them as sarcastic and maybe a little frustrated ; similar to the response " Who the heck knows ? " . My thinking changed , though , in a late night conversation with a dear Sister of mine . We spent an evening together ; preparing dinner & taking it to her hubby at work , playing with the munchkin , catching up on old episodes of " Once Upon a Time " . The last episode ended and we started chatting . At least a week prior I had felt the need to talk with her and explain some things that had happened in the past few months . I thought she might already have an idea , but needed to fully verbalize it all ; not just for her , but also for myself . And so the conversation started . It was about a lot of what I write about here - being single , thoughts on dating , the desire for a family . And then I asked the question that I can never find an answer to . The very same question many girls and women , alike , ask themselves when faced with heartache when a relationship has ended or there is a lack of one altogether . " Is there something wrong with me ? " " No , " she answered emphatically . " You are amazing . God only knows why you are not married yet . I have been praying for you because I know it is something you desire , and it 's something I want for you , too . You are my Sister and I love you . I know He has something awesome planned and I 'm excited to see what it is . " Praying for me , really ? I was struck at God 's providence in this as one of the main reasons I had for this conversation was to ask her if she would be praying for me . To find out that she already was … well , I was more more encouraged and felt more love than I can express , even now . We continued our conversation with smatterings of tears and laughter , sometimes both at the same time . I left ( much later ) that night feeling as if a weight had been removed . If He is the first & the last , the beginning and the end of it all ( which He is ) then He is sovereign over all . If He is sovereign over all ( which He is ) then He knows all . If He knows all ( which He most certainly does ) He , well , knows all . Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for , the conviction of things not seen . - Hebrews 11 : 1 If God , only , knows who He has waiting for me to marry ( and again , yes , He knows ) , I should have no complaints . He , the Almighty , knows what He has in store for my future . Am I glad He 's the One running the show ? The One Who has had it all in His sight before the foundation of the earth ? Most definitely , yes , and indeed ! I know if it was all up to me , it would be a waaay bigger mess than I could deal with . For those of you who don 't know , I 'm the head children 's librarian for a county library system . I completely adore my job and think it 's one of the most fulfilling ones out there . Today ( and yesterday ) some pretty simple things were said to me by a new patron and a coworker ; so nonchalantly that I doubt they realized the impact they had on me ( in a most wonderful encouraging way ) . Here is my letter of thanks . Thank you so much for bringing your little boy in today . It was a delight to talk with him and with you and share with you the finer things of the library , aka free pencils and toys to play with . Thank you for sharing with me the fact that you love being an older mom ; you mentioned you were in your 40s and your little boy was 4 at the oldest . Thank you for expressing the joy you receive when seeing what he takes wonder and joy in ; that because you are older , more mature , you are not so wrapped up in yourself to notice your child . You asked me if I had kids and I replied with a simple , " No . " You added , " Not yet , " and that really did make my day . You didn 't ask if I was married , but you were certainly close enough to see if there was a ring . And still , those 2 words were so confidently spoken . You couldn 't have known that just the day before I had a conversation with a coworker at lunchtime . We were talking about his kids and kids in general , adoption , fostering , and the like . I don 't remember exactly what lead to it , but all of a sudden I hear the words , " You 'll be a great mom , " come out of his mouth . So matter of fact . So certain . No question about it . Not " You would be " or " You could be , " but " You will be . " He said that and my heart lifted , just as it did when we were chatting . 5 words one day followed by a simple 2 the next . An encouragement for me that at 31 it is not too late . That God 's timing is perfect and His promises are true . " You are the salt of the earth . but if the salt loses it 's saltiness , how can it be made salty again ? It is no longer good for anything , except to be thrown out and trampled by men . You are the light of the world . A city on a hill cannot be hidden . Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl . Instead they put it on its stand , and it gives light to everyone in the house . In the same way , let your light shine before men , that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven . " I have often heard this passage referenced , but never really understood the salt part . The light makes sense , but salt ? Pastor Tim did a great job explaining this to me and this past week the Lord did one better and actually showed me how we , as Christians , can be salt in this world . As Pastor explained it , salt is a preservative and also holds a great influence over anything it touches . Salt has such a distinct taste that it is noticeable right away ( especially if you mistakenly use it instead of sugar in your coffee ) . We are called to be the same ; to help preserve and slow the decay of this world by living our lives for Jesus . And to do so in such a way that others cannot help but notice how different we are . And we are to be salt wherever we are ; home , work , church , grocery store , gas station , dentist 's office , school ; and also to everyone , believers and unbelievers alike . That is something I didn 't think too much about until this past weekend , when some of my friends , my Brothers & Sisters in Christ , were salt for me . That may sound strange , so let me explain . The past few weeks have been some rough ones for me . Between being sick ( which stinks doubly when you live alone ) , and having car problems ( one after the other , after the other ) , and a few frozen pipes in my house , I had just had enough . Add some extra hormones in the mix and you get one really frustrated and exhausted lady . Friday night we had music practice for church . I got there first and had just gotten my car back ( for the second time in a week and a half ) and was still trying to figure out when someone was coming to unfreeze the drain pipe of my bath tub ( which was half full of water from the day before ) . I was done . No more . I knew God would not give me more than I could handle , but I wasn 't handling this all very well . Of course that is when some Brothers came in . Clearly I was distressed so when the question of , " Is everything ok ? " was asked it was met with a small meltdown of all that was going on . There were hugs and reassurance as everyone else joined us and as we got into the music I was good . Afterwards one of my Sisters asked if I 'd like to join them all for dinner . I had thought I would stop and get soup on my way home and mope about , as that was the mood I was in . I 'm not sure I responded as I was asked again by at least one other person . I decided it was a much better option and went along . We all chatted and had a nice time and the kids ran around with shouts of laughter . What has any of that have to do with salt , you ask ? Later I realized that these Brothers and Sisters of mine were acting as salt for me . For my spirit . For my heart . For my mind . I was so ready to go home ; probably end up watching some horrible romantic comedy that would push me over the edge and end with me in tears longing for my own Hollywood ending ( which can sometimes happen when my brain isn 't thinking properly and hormones are involved ) . But they stepped in . Whether they were aware of their impact , or not , they helped preserve my heart and my emotional state . The love they showed kept me from sinking further down . Jesus also says we are to be light . Pastor Tim also did a great job explaining this . Most of it is understandable on its own . We , as Christians , are to visibly live our lives for Jesus so people can see us brightly , so that darkness is exposed in our presence . Light is another great influence as when it appears , no matter how dimly , it casts out some of the darkness and changes everything . We are not the source of the light , though , that is Jesus . He is the Light ; we are His reflectors . We reflect Him and represent His presence here on the earth . We can do that many ways , but one of the most noticeable and quite astounding , is by loving . This love , though , is not just a feeling . It 's not just something we do when we like a person . It has nothing at all to do with emotions toward anyone . It all has to do with a choice . This is agape love . Unconditional love . Sacrificial love . A love rooted down so deep , a decision made unwaveringly , that no matter what happens , this love remains . It is the love that lead Jesus to not only come to earth , but also to go to the cross to give up His life for us , that we might join Him and the Father in heaven . He , of course , is the perfect example of agape love ; He gave the ultimate sacrifice . We are not often called to lay down our lives for another , but there are so many ways we can reflect the light of Jesus through the love He gives us . I also experienced that these past few weeks . As I mentioned , I had been sick and my car had to get some work done . I was without my car for one week and then a few days more just a couple day after I got it back . Other friends , other Brothers and Sisters , were willing to get me things I needed when I was sick and drive me to and from work ( even when it meant one got to work earlier than usual ) . They chose to love me in a way that they didn 't have to , but they did . And in doing so they reflected the love of Christ , and it is to Him I give thanks and glory . I may be living on my own right now , but these past few weeks God has shown me ( to a great extent ) how very un - alone I am . Thank you , Brothers and Sisters , for doing so well what we all have been commanded to do . Thank You , Father , for blessing me with this awesome Family . Without You , and without them , I would be living a very sad single life indeed .
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I wrote this a few years back . Tonight , the same thing happened . Photes of my Dad surface and sink , I don 't know why . Or maybe I do . Maybe for some of us , family photos are better tucked away , to bring out on random occasions when the mood is right . Happy Father 's Day to you Father 's out there . And to you Mom 's that do your best to fill those shoes as well ? Bravo ! My brother called me last night to ask , do you have a photo of Dad ? I answered , yeah , but they 're in the precious stuff stashed at a friend 's house for when I leave here for hurricane season and haven 't gathered back for the last 4 or 5 years . Where 's YOUR photos of Dad ? I asked . He said they were in boxes he 'd sent ahead to his eventual retirement and current fun place in North Carolina . Bottom line , we both have Dad so much in our heads that photos of him , rare and special , aren 't really needed on a regular visual basis . He lives in us every day , speaking out loud when we fish and cook and pick up errant trash . When we laugh or start a conversation , when our bullshit detector goes into the red line , when our heart true detector goes into the thumpbumpwatta ( is that you Dad ? Ok , I 'm listening ) wumppaapaapaao zone . So , here is a photo of my Dad . Somewhere very close between Danny Thomas and Ben Cartwright . And Superman . My girlfriends who would come to spend the night LOVED my Dad . But they also said , ' Is he in the Mafia ? He looks scary , and then you know him and he 's not scary at all ' . All four of us kids felt the same . He wasn 't a tall man , but his piercing eyes under bushy spiked black eyebrows could lay you down in a second for truth . Square hands , hands that knew the silk of a 5th Avenue tie and the handles of a plow and the sweet leather of a classic car and the tiller of a boat and pots and pans . . A back broad as the world , ready to carry us anywhere . And he did . And he didn 't . But he wanted to and did the best he could to get us where we wanted to go . We all make our choices . Here 's to you , Dad , thank you . Thank you . To help with gazing at things that turn turn turn to every season , I got this from an email sent by Bill Kunke , who is always sending along Nature 's wonders that he observes . This one is good for the whole summer ! Thanks , Bill . I think I 'll be putting in a lot of roof time on the houseboat . A total solar eclipse in August , viewable from the US ? Mark your calendars ! To not lose hope is a good thing . And I think one of the most beautiful examples of that was expressed by the family of the Canadian woman who died in the London attack . I think I 'd be crumpled speechless on the floor ; my admiration is tremendous . " She had room in her heart for everyone and believed strongly that every person was to be valued and respected , " said the family in a statement issued by spokesman Patrick Audet and distributed by Global Affairs Canada . Archibald had worked at a homeless shelter before moving to Europe , and her family asked people to honour her memory by giving back to their communities . " She would have had no understanding of the callous cruelty that caused her death , " said the statement . " Please honour her by making your community a better place . Volunteer your time and labour or donate to a homeless shelter . Tell them Chrissy sent you . " Oh happy day ! ! After having my brother go through many , many dance steps to get my computer fixed in the States , it 's back and working well ! With the new phone and a hotspot , I 'm still slow but I CAN post again ! And when the new camera gets here next week ( thanks , Sarah ! ! ! ! ) - because yes , the old one died and was stupid expensive to fix ; the tropics are hard on electronics , yes indeed - it will be , like my bro says , a country western song in reverse . I 'm so looking forward to playing with my favorite toys again and sharing what happens with you , my patient readers ! In the meantime , I 've taken a bunch of phone photos , some of which may or may not show up here eventually , but almost every day is still filled with beauty to be found , despite the sometimes overwhelmingly exasperating events of the world . I think it makes it even more important to find the beauty and work with passion to keep it , no matter how small the effort might appear . We 're all we 've got ! Another Culebra Thank You Housesitting is always a treat , whether it 's for a couple of days , like now , or weeks . This morning I was up pre - dawn as usual , but just meandering into my day . Check the sunrise , feed and play with the cat , head toward the coffee pot . Or tea . Never got there . I hear the ding of text notification and see it 's from my boat neighbor . At not quite 6 in the morning , this is not a good sign . Turns out a sailboat up ahead of me had broken free , well , its mooring had given up , and it was very , very close to my houseboat . That sped me up a bit ! Erin had been out with the turtle people and had just rowed back to her boat , ready for a nice rest , when she noticed the sailboat was definitely not where it should be . She texted me and came over to the houseboat , sitting on the bow to fend it off if need be . What a great neighbor ! I got to the dock and clamored around a bigger than should be there boat at the little dock , and got my dinghy going . Seeing Erin on my bow and the sailboat about 12 feet from my bow I could only do what needed to be done as I could do it . " Go slow , MJ , take your time , going fast always makes you wish you hadn 't , " I was muttering to myself , a mantra I 'd started from the minute I knew what was going on . The keel on the sailboat was softly aground , but it might not stay there for long . I 'd been making calls , with one positive response ( thank you , Rick of Rick and Sue ! ! ) until I got a couple more numbers from Carmen Rosa . Chiquitin couldnt get there , one person couldn 't come for an hour . It was Pedro and a friend who saved the day , as the wind was picking up and I was not thinking about taking photos . Erin and I joked around awhile but my boat hook was close to hand and I didn 't even think about taking photos until it was all well and good . Rick showed up and waited with us . Pedro and friend calmly took care of business , the same way I 've seen it happen over and over on Culebra during my years here , while my heart was doing a tango . The boat hook came in handy as his boat kept wanting to kiss mine . But within minutes they were off and away , taking the boat out to what we 're now calling the rescue mooring ( this isn 't the first time a boat has decided to go wandering in the bay since I 've been there ) . Rick stood by in case of need but had already served well as moral support while we waited for Pedro . He headed home and after a bit of chit chat , Erin headed back to her boat and I headed back to Housesitting Hill . Thanks , Rick ! ! The evening before was full of dramatic clouds , the early morning only less so . But then it changed into that incredible clarity we get in the islands some days , where you can almost see cars moving on other islands nearby , the water 10 shades of blue , a breeze to keep the sun from being too hot , indeed , perfect wedding day weather . Again ! Vieques is full of tucked away neighborhoods and friends I was getting a ride with took me into one of them , to pick up some beach chairs from one of their rentals . Little houses , steps from the beach , are more the norm than the unusual and I wish I 'd gotten some photos of them . Next time . Chairs in the trunk , a bottle of wine picked up and off we went to SunBay , where horses roam and a wide beach waits . With some funny signs . I saw this sign , expecting the usual ' don ' ts ' but there was not much usual about this one . No horse play or human pyramids ! We mean it ! And that closes out the wedding portion of my Spring into Summer . What great joy ! Thanks and thanks and thanks for all the goodness , the roofs over my head , the fabulous food and most importantly , the blessing of having dear friends . But first I had to leave St . Croix . Reluctantly , missing a drive about with other guests who hadn 't seen much of the island yet , but happily , knowing I was coming to another gorgeous place to see another amazing event . That works . I hadn 't been off of Culebra in awhile and forgot some of the rules . I did remember that the St . Croix airport means TSA , so a utility knife I had in my backpack was handed over to Kat at the airport . It 's not a fancy knife but it sure comes in handy and I didn 't want to lose it . But . The first thing I forgot was TSA also takes away liquid larger than 3 ounces . With plenty of time before boarding , I bought a bottle of Cruzan rum ( what else do you buy on St . Croix for rum drinkers ? ) to give as a thank you gift to the people who hooked me up with a very beautiful place to stay . The first guy at TSA looks at it and says , did you just buy that here ? Because you know . . . etc . etc . I was feeling stupid and a bit miffed when he said , don 't worry , take it back to the gift shop on this side and she 'll let you exchange it for one in the gift shop on the other side of customs . Wow ! And she did , opening up the gift shop early so I could make my exchange . Thanks , cool TSA guy ! In the line , for some reason they had to check my computer . All was well and off I went to the waiting area . I was writing my blog post about Michael and Liz 's departing ride when I realized I had yet ANOTHER knife that I 'd used the night before to poke holes in the JUSTis MARRIED cardboard sign going on their motorcycle . TSA didn 't catch it . I hope we all feel safer now . This is DiAngelo . He was my seat mate on the quick trip between STX and Vieques . I got him well strapped in and we looked at pictures for a bit . He told me a lot of things ; he had just been to Florida to have surgery on his legs , see the scar ? There are steel rods in there that must be changed every few months so he can grow . He liked the plane , doesn 't like swimming much , has a grandmother on Vieques and a few more bits of interest . He might be my favorite seat mate ever . Good luck , DiAngelo , your bravery won 't be forgotten when I get pissy about small things . The taxi guy took seven of us to a variety of places , places I 'd never seen before , some of the homes on well kept properties , in almost jungle like settings . The first was a simple , very tidy home with beautiful plantings in a huge yard , not so high above the beach . The woman who got out there had our ooohs and aaahs trailing behind her . Next was DiAngelo 's little family , with Abuella in the lead . A couple who live on St . Croix were next , visiting family here . I talked with the woman a bit , they want to retire to Culebra , where they have family . Family I 'm pretty sure I know . They were both really kind and she and I laughed a lot for a very short trip . Finally , it was my turn . I got out early because a refresher walkabout was a good thing . And then , there I was , where I was supposed to be . With key in hand , we came in and I got the ' here is where this is ' tour before my friend had to get back to work . The sea in front of me , the town behind , I could just enjoy this place and this part of the island . Isabella is the part I know best and it 's nice to know where to find the market and bank and farmacia . A few things were different , but not much . The colmado here in town is owned by the same people who own Costa del Sol on Culebra , so I even knew there might be my new go - to wine there and it was ! It 's a lot different than Costa , bigger , with fresh meats and more veggies , well , more of everything , but it still felt familiar . Mainly though , I 've just stayed here , enjoying the view , the sound of the surf hitting the sand , the cool breezes and the plantings . Lots of them . There is always something to see I didn 't catch before or maybe it 's just magically appeared while my back was turned . I don 't know what it is , but I really like it It 's almost time to get ready to go to the wedding . Little frissions of tangible joy are coursing . Have a seasonal Saturday . Do something saturating . Posted by As anyone involved in any part of planning a wedding knows , it can be a lot of fun with some crazy mixed in , ending in just a lot of fun and joy . This was no exception . Well , add in being on an island where things can be slightly slanted for a bit more zing . Like getting the wedding bouquet and watching the flowers turn to a bad imitation of themselves , finding nothing like them , and then finally finding a grocery store with roses that worked beautifully instead . Island adaptation is an art form sometimes , and Terry , an old friend of Liz 's , who is a florist and not from an island , adapted with the best of us . Five stars ! When Michael 's told me his best man couldn 't make it due to health issues , I was thinking as we were talking about who would do the honors . It turned out he had already decided ; I would be his Best Ma ' am . So if you wonder why there aren 't photos from the wedding ceremony itself , it was because I was busy hoping I 'd not drop the ring or do anything else to mar the moment ( I didn 't drop the ring or fall down or anything else memorable , so that worked out ) . I still feel honored , and know Pratt was there in heart . . . wishing him well . As much as I like to talk ( and you know I do , no need to add any helpful comments ) , talking in front of a large group of people isn 't one of my favorite things . So instead of doing what I planned on doing , a bit of a trip down memory lane , I read two of my favorite poems about love by e . e . cummings and Pattiann Rogers , which officially made me done with my happy duties . Well , mostly , the rest was clean up stuff but that was fun . But before all of that , here 's a look around where the wedding happened . The folks at Freedom City Surf Board Shop & Grill , good friends of Michael 's , were amazing , as were all the friends who made incredible hors d ' oeuvres ( shrimp and cheeses and roasted garlic and and and ) , the people who did the pig and chicken , the cake , the musicians - so many who love these two made it an amazing moment in time . Freedom City is on the west end of St . Croix And then it was time . John Macy , aka Big Beard , presided , gently getting us all in our places with bright happy faces . It was so very good to see him ! Photo stolen from by Nicole Brown John had all the cell phone people step back to allow photos of the ceremony with that amazing background to not be filled with everything but the center attraction . Liz 's Matron of Honor was her old friend Fern , who I got to know , along with Terry , staying at the house together . She 's a trip , in the good way . Both women had me laughing a lot and that is always a good sign . Stepping up for their first dance Lots of eating and drinking and talking ensued . Two people I hoped dearly to see were there , Tito and Sue , who have done ( still do ! ) the crab races here for a very long time . I think my arms and mouth were almost sore from hugging and grinning . It was a good reunion . Very good . But then it was time to move on . Goodies were gathered , food was packed away , the bride changed into her bridal trip togs . Bob opted for a sign rather than tin cans ( JUSTis Married ) , someone got some electrical ties , I poked in holes with my knife - oh my god ! I just went through TSA with that ! ! ! ! oops . And they were off ! And so am I , sitting in the airport on STX waiting to go to Vieques and another wedding of heart friends . Love is in the air and it 's pretty damn sweet . The best wishes of my heart to Michael and Liz , who found each other on the life road and that changed everything . Have a Freedom City Friday . Do something forever . Posted by Here is a slice of a life on Culebra ( a tiny island between Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands ) . Listen closely for surf crashing on sand and roosters crowing . There 's salty air , sweat and storms ; beauty and beasties . A real life in Paradox from someone easily entertained . Do you see a photograph you like ? If you do and want to have it in your world , you can click on the photo above and use the contact to ask about purchasing photos either on the photography site or here on the blog . p . s . All these photos are copyrighted , so please ask for permission to use them ! Better yet , buy them ! Thanks .
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Amazon is changing its royalty policy for borrowed books from a per - book system to a per - page - read system . It 's a move that is widely supported by KPD Select authors ( you know , the people it affects ) , but - like any decision Amazon has ever made - criticism hails from a variety of camps . One of them is the grand league of cultural patronage , who apparently believe that literature is far too high - minded a thing to be judged ( or paid ) according to how much of it readers can get through , before they throw their Kindle against the wall . I 'm going to admit something here : I love literature . If pressed , I 'd even admit that I love lit fic above all genre fiction , and that 's what I write ! In the debates on the value of lit fic versus genre , I regularly come down on the side of literature and I do genuinely believe in its value for humanity as a whole . A value that does go beyond that of most genre fiction . But literature is written for readers ! In a big , big way ! The moment it stops being written for human consumption , or only to be read by literature professors to torture their students with , then what 's the point ? As numerous studies show , reading high quality literature increases empathy , intelligence , the ability to communicate and understand the world . Yes . It does all that . But the emphasis is on READING literature . The mere fact that it exists as some kind of abstract piece of art means nothing to anybody , except possibly the self - involved , post - modern writer who truly believes his genius shines too bright for any reader to understand . All the greats wrote stories for readers . The fact that a book is enjoyable is really not in any way a contraction to quality . Shakespeare himself wrote for the lowest , least educated group of his time , after all , commoners , looking for a good time drinking ale in a packed theater . Jane Austen , although maybe a little challenging to today 's reader , was well - loved by her readers and a great commercial success . And yes , the lit - scene is full of snobby idiots . Case in point : Fantasy and sci - fi can be just as literary as the great realists are - read some Vonnegut , Philip K . Dick or Ursula K . LeGuin for great examples . But literature is a great thing . It 's a great thing because we read it , and we fall in love and throughout its pages , it changes us , it helps us to understand , finds words for all those feelings and ideas that have been clanking around unnamed in our subconscious . And I 'm not saying it doesn 't take work sometimes . You sort of have to train yourself to become good at reading lit fic - but that 's really not a problem , cause you also have to work on playing video games before you 're any good , or on sports or painting or any fulfilling hobby people might have . And still they are all there to enrich human life , to exist in a vacuum for the ultra - educated . So listen culture snobs , the best literature has always been the books readers also connect with . Bringing the focus of writing - yes , even writing literature - back to the people is the best thing that could ever happen to it . People are smarter , more emotionally intelligent and better equipped to understand the big questions than you will ever know . And don 't you effing throw Twilight and 50 Shades back at me . People are also horny , so what ? Nobody is just one thing . Kaylah Shaw is everything Megan never wanted : impatient and abrasive , too tall and groomed to an unnatural perfection . One encounter is enough to last the failed photographer a lifetime . When she moves into Megan 's apartment building , however , Kaylah shows up at her door , with her smooth , long legs and a compelling smile , and surprises her with the request for a photoshoot . Finding some undeniable quality at the bottom of her dark eyes , Megan agrees , never expecting that Kaylah would take control of the shoot , with gentle but unerring dominance , and open her up to a world never explored before . I still rarely use them . Mostly because there many times when it feels like advertising instead , because we live in a society in which violence is entertainment and sexual violence doubly so . And I can 't even be preachy about it , really , because it works on me too . I also am lucky not to get triggered by blog posts , and when I do end up feeling bad , anxious and lingeringly icky after consuming an article or video , it 's usually because of subtle , strange things nobody would think of warning against . He was sweet , which is unusual for a street flirt . I had an inkling he was about to ask me out when he slowed down as I approached , when he changed the side of the road to match mine when I tried to get out of the situation . I didn 't want him to chat me up , but the sun was shining and I 'd had a really nice day at work and so when he did , I wasn 't quite able to shut it down . Being cold and dismissive is something I had to learn , and still have to prepare for , or the good old people please inside me rears its smiling Manic Pixie Dream Girl head . He spoke English better than German , which tends to win me over . He asked me what I do and how I like it , he asked what I enjoy in my spare time and showed an interest . And he a sweet , smiling face that didn 't look threatening . For the sake of fairness , I should say right now that this is not a story about how I was raped . Nothing quite so dramatic and horrible and important . But it is a story about how we got to talking about the tv shows we liked and why not hang out some time this week and watch one together , get to know each other . I 'm an introvert , a tv - hang - out session is my dream first date . And he said he was one , too . I still don 't know if that was the truth . But he gave me my number . He wasn 't pushy for mine , like most of them are . And so I texted him , and we arranged a date . In hind - sight , maybe I could have been smarter . My alarm bells could have run sooner , like when he acted like I was probably surprised he found me attractive and wanted to go out with me . Or when I finally figured out in one of his texts that he 'd followed me out of the train just to talk to me . He showed up 15 minutes late - which given Cologne 's public transport really isn 't a big deal - but he immediately said , " I bet you 're surprised I actually showed up , aren 't you ? I know you 're surprise . I could have texted but I thought I 'd like to surprise you . " I smiled and shook my head . I wasn 't surprised ; there 's nothing surprising about a man who finds me attractive and wants to get his hands on me . In fact it is the most annoyingly predictable part of dating in general . I offered him something to drink . He looked around , at my photos and my books and my DVDs . You know , intimate stuff like that . And he immediately hated my cat . Now , my dad doesn 't like cats either , and it 's not an issue of like - me - like - my - cat , but the way he flinched and aggressively shushed her away was unattractive . And it also put me on the defensive ; he had me apologizing five times before we even started to watch something . It 's not that I am shy or prude ( even though neither of these things are bad in any way ) . But I 've had sex or intimate touching too early before , and it has always felt to me like I was the girl selling tickets at the box office : For a while , we are both in the same place . We interact , maybe exchange a few niceties , which end up designed to make me smile and hand over the ticket . And in that moment , he takes my body into a dark room with him and I am left on the outside , hardly even able to look in , and definitely not part of the experience . At that point , I told him I really just want to hang out together . I have no interest in having sex or anything like that . He plays offended for a second and then reassures me . We get a little more comfortable and the show continues . He starts kissing my neck , licking it , scratching me with his beard . " Oh , do you ? " I ask . I raise my brows and sigh . No . I didn 't stop him . I didn 't say What about what I want ? People pleaser . I hate that girl . I stopped him when he straddled my lap , pulled up my shirt and started peeling away my bra . I said , " Hey . I 'm not into this . " And then he got angry . I don 't know if you ever tried to explain to a man who 's never even heard about feminist theory or rape culture , that no , I am not accusing him of trying to rape me . But yes , he 's doing something wrong . I asked him to leave , which he made me repeat I think a total of 6 or 7 times . Always asking whether I 'm sure . His voice got loud and aggressive . " You were okay with it ! I didn 't do anything wrong ! I respect women ! I like you and I know you like me too , I just don 't need a month to decide whether I like someone ! You didn 't say no ! " I did . But not very loud . And I certainly didn 't say yes . I didn 't say it with my mouth or with my body . I turned away , leaned away , squirmed out of his embraces whenever I could . When he left , I started to cry and I wanted to shower . It took me a while to realize that he reminded me all too starkly of my ex when I was 18 . The boy who 'd made sex a chore for me , something the man pressured , cajoled , begged , charmed out of me . Never the thing I wanted , desired . There was never enough time to get there . I never actually said " No " to him , either . I said , " Really , again ? " I said , " But we 're watching the movie … " I said , " I 'm really tired , can we just cuddle ? " I said , " I 'm still sore . " I said , " I have to be at work in an hour and I don 't want to shower again . " He also knew what he wanted . And when he wanted something the touching and the groping , the relentless pushing , that 's just something that happens . And when I push his hand away , that 's not saying " no " - I guess that 's saying " Try again in 2 Minutes . " So I cried . A lot . And I sat , staring into space , going over everything I said and everything I did . And over the way his voice changed and his eyes weren 't cute anymore ; they suddenly were the eyes of a man who could hurt me . I had trouble falling asleep and when I did , I had nightmares and kept waking up bathed in sweat . In the morning , I was still staring into space , starting to come up with appropriate responses : the things I should have said when he belittled my feelings , when he snorted at the idea someone like me could tell him what to do and what not to do . After all , wasn 't I supposed to be grateful for his attentions ? I ended up forgetting my keys , and I cried in the bathroom at work . The service to open up my door set me back 200 € and there 's a part of me that is still sitting here , staring into space , trying to figure out what I could have done differently - yesterday and when I was 19 . I 'm still a hair 's breadth away from starting to cry again . The thing that gets me is … I could have wanted him , if he had given me a little more time . If he had talked and laughed and been a person with me , rather than a guy who 's after sex . It 's the least sexy thing in the world , the way their personalities glaze over and I don 't even recognize the fun person they were a few minutes before . And I 'm just so , so tired of it sometimes . After Life Lessons is a Survival / Post - Apocalypse series with a Women 's Fiction bent . In the wake of a devastating epidemic , Emily finds herself alone , grieving and struggling to survive with her young son , Song . They encounter Aaron , an Army medic on a mission of his own . After Life Lessons : Book One follows their journey from mere struggle to survive , into a life they slowly begin to recognize as worth living again . Once settled and fortified , they take to the road once more in Book Two in order to find Aaron 's family . Instead they find new enemies and new allies and a dangerous mission for the future of the region . Years after the end of the world , the scattered survivors have begun to reconcile with their fate and are starting to build communities from the rubble . Life has been kind to Aaron and Emily , and maybe it is that infusion of hope that leads them on a winter trip to search for Aaron 's family . But the world outside their little haven has grown harsher , the conditions rough and dangerous . Not everybody they meet on their journey allowed the grim realities to harden their hearts , however . Malachi and Kenzie - a easy - going drifter with a bum leg and amnesia , and a teenage girl who has lost everyone and everything - are on an ill - conceived mission to Mexico , while Iago and his band of nomads work to forge trading connections between the small settlements of the south . All of them will discover new nightmares on the road , far surpassing the threat of the last rotting zombies still roaming the countryside . And now they must come together to fight for peace and justice in the world they trying to rebuild . Just in time for valentine 's day , we 're bringing you a new collection of stories of L . C . Spoering and myself . Now , for my part , I don 't have a date tonight and where I live , more people indulge in Cologne 's Stree Carneval this weekend than make mention of Valentine 's day , but so we have the have the finer things - the books , and films , the music and the secret thoughts : ) . Visions of drill - sergeants march through my head and I laugh at them . What do they know about writing ? Well , okay , sometimes you just have to push . There is a place for brute force in writing , but why go there when you can hack whatever blocks you in so many more pleasant ways ? First things first : Yes , I am a firm believer in the idea that there is no such thing as Writer 's Block , very much like there is no teacher 's block , no fireman 's or secretary 's block . We really need to stop mystifying ourselves . However . And that is a big one , so it gets its own sentence . However , there are pretty powerful blocking factors that occur so often that bets are , you have to deal with at least two of them if you want to finish writing anything . A little obvious , sure , but a lot of the time the reason you are not writing is very simply because you don 't want to . Think about it : writing for many of us is somewhere in the nebulous area between a job and a hobby . It can feel a bit like doing your homework back in school : a lot of work every day with only a bare glimpse of the benefit at the end of a very long tunnel . But this time you are not in school : you 're an adult and you have a day job ( or kids , or you 're not an adult and actually have school on top of everything ) . Nobody is after you like a hawk denying you video games or the Wi - Fi password until you 're done . The reason you don 't want to write is because in your head , you turned it into work / homework / chores . This happens so easily because we 're humans and we 're idiots that way , but there are ways around it . One literally is to ruthlessly hype yourself up to write . Make a habit of thinking about your story while you do your actual work and your actual chores . Envision the awesome scenes you get to write that day , how well they well integrate and push your plot ahead . Think of the characters that you love and ask them how they feel about yesterday 's scene and how you can make them happy today . And it may seem silly but it 's crucial in terms of brain chemistry : smile while you do it ! Even if you don 't feel like smiling at first , smile anyway . It 'll become more natural as your scenes unfold in front of your mind 's eye . At the time , I just wanted to write a piece that was all about my own impressions of bdsm and the people who practice it , as it appeared to me , and as - in my limited reading erotica reading experience anyway - was rarely depicted in erotic romance . I wanted to write about consent and laughter , about kindness and the normality of it all . I wanted regular - looking people with a regular to modest income , who just acted like regular people who want to get to know each other and enjoy each other 's predilections ( okay : more or less . The time contraction for the sake of the novella format did impose certain limitations to reality lol ) . The point is : I was writing it very much as a statement piece . It wasn 't really about the characters or their story , but I fell in love with them anyway . And by the end of Driftwood Deeds , I knew I wanted to give them more : backstory , real character and a satisfying conclusion . And so Trading Tides and Saltwater Skin were conceived . Trading Tides is the dark moment in the trilogy , it puts their young relationship to the test . I knew very early on that I wanted to write about distance relationships , about sustaining love through phone wires and internet sessions . Especially before 50 Shades , bdsm still felt so taboo , it was and still is hard to find local people , the pool is just a lot smaller and the chance to fall in love in that pool becomes somewhat tiny ( not least of all because there are a lot of nutters around lol ) . So I feel like distance is an issue faced by a lot of D / s couples , and I wanted to pay tribute to that and explore it . In the end , it was probably the hardest to write emotionally , because it revived so many old memories of my own , of fighting against a current that feels overwhelming at times , of longing and need and feeling alone in a world full of people because the one person you want to be with is miles away . But of course that also made it incredibly gratifying to bring to a happy conclusion . And then came Saltwater Skin , where Paul takes over as narrator , which posed challenges of its very own as well . He always had a very distinct voice in my head , a strong character who deserved to express all of his own thoughts and impressions and to not just be seen through Iris ' eyes . He is definitely a character I fell for hard , and who still makes me swoon : troubled , thoughtful hero who works hard to overcome is issues to finally be the man he wants to be . Saltwater Skin will be released next week alongside a Complete Trilogy Collection ( although because of issues they are actually already available on AllRomance and Smashwords ) , and there is something wonderful about starting into the New Year with a finished long - term project . As much as I love Breaking in Waves , its completion opens up so much space in my head , so many possibilities and new story ideas . And I can 't wait to see if readers like spending time in Paul 's head as much as I did ! If you 're anything like me , two weeks before Christmas you 're probably not exactly done with your Christmas gifts . For me , that is because my family is made up of die - hard pragmatists when it comes to material things , who almost impossible to find presents for . So I researched gifts for people who appreciate such things in a series of book inspired gift ideas . In the first book , Paul takes Iris on a walk by the sea - side , to an abandoned beach where he finds all the raw materials for his work - work : driftwood and rope , sea - glass and rusty fishing gear . They walk around the place in wellington boots , searching for treasure and forging a very first connection . They find little glittering fishing lures , and pieces of sea - glass glittering in the sand . " So you think I like broken things ? " I asked after a long time , voice warm and tinged in this quiet , restful moment . Paul Archer looked at me over the rim of his cup , which he held in both hands to drink as though it was an Asian bowl . " I think you understand them , notice them , " he corrected , then tilted his head , put the cup down and pulled his glasses from his face . He wiped the hot water condensation from the lenses before resetting the glasses on his nose in that charming gesture . " And maybe , you feel drawn to them , too . " ( Driftwood Deeds , Chapter 3 ) Although primarily a screen - writer , Paul likes to work with his hands . He makes beautiful things out of driftwood : furniture and decorative objects . Later in Trading Tides , she makes a bed - side table for Iris because she needs somewhere to rest her books when she 's asleep . He likes the stories he imagines in old wood , long cut from its tree . Paul is like a knotted , washed out piece of wood , Iris finds on her day at the beach . A piece of driftwood that compels , inspires her with its beauty and its history , with the soft sheen of its form . And she takes it with her , slowly working new life into a man who long thought the most exciting parts of his life were in the past . Instead , they start their tumultuous love story - and of course it 's not simple . Great passion never comes easy . But then Iris doesn 't like easy . She likes pain and the test of endurance . She likes the way Paul reaches for a leather strap to spank her rear . " You didn 't want to wear any of them , " he says after a while . I pause , try to gather my thoughts . Then I shake my head . " Yes ! " There 's a sharp , hot knot in my stomach and I reach for his hand on the wall , cover it with mine . " Of course I do . I am . And I want … I want to wear something of yours . I want to be reminded all the time . Just … " " I think maybe I want something of yours . Something that 's you . Or me . Something that 's about us . ( Trading Tides , Epilogue ) And , of course , in the very last book - Saltwater Skin , which will be released in January - Paul has given Iris more than a leather cuff , and a collar . He also gave her a diary , he bound from the same piece of leather . A diary for her to him , to write in her thoughts and her feelings , to express everything she finds hard to say out loud - like all of us should . It is a truth almost universally acknowledged in writer circles anymore - see what I did there ? - that bringing as many words as possible onto the page in each sitting is the key to writerly success . Espoused everywhere you look , from the ever - popular Nanowrimo to blogs , podcasts and self - help books for writers , the basic idea seems to be that finishing a book is hard , and the easiest way to get through it , is to do it as fast and painlessly as possible . Get the words out there , vomit them onto your text processor , and most importantly : don 't think about it at all . That 's the way to Flow . Flow , that magical word that has been making the rounds for a while , state of infinite creative potential when the mind is linked - up , perfectly aligned to spill out your inner genius . I don 't know how ADD we have become as a culture that we think it necessary to explain and mystify the benefits inherent in a state of enduring and enjoyable concentration , but that 's all it seems to be . Despite being often compared to a runner 's high , that feeling athletes seem to get when the rush of endorphins from physical exertion overpowers pain and exhaustion , there isn 't actually any link between the two . I shouldn 't have to point out that one includes the exercise induced rush of hormones and the other , well , doesn 't . Now , I am the last person to diss Flow . Flow is amazing . I just seriously question whether Flow really has anything to do with the word - vomit we are often called upon to expel into our manuscripts . To clarify : we are supposed to just write down whatever comes to mind without caring about spelling , phrasing , the beauty of words , sentence and melody or even the appropriate wording of dialogue . Least of all should we think about theme or repeating topics , motifs and metaphors . The resulting text might require more editing ( according to some sources up to several times the amount it took to write ) , but that 's supposedly worth it , because the important thing is to get it out of your head as soon as possible . This is relevant here , because you cannot stop thinking , evaluating and constantly assessing the whole picture while you translate . Now , according to Flow - espousers , this should prevent Flow . My inner critic is on 100 % of the time , I constantly check terminology , look up words , compare them to earlier usage within the text , make sure this is the best way I could possibly express any given sentiment etc . And still I achieve Flow . In fact , I achieve Flow faster and easier than I do in writing . That 's not because I enjoy translating more . I don 't . But I believe simply because translating is a more immersive activity , just BECAUSE you have to concentrate so hard on so many things at once . You can 't help it . In writing , it 's easier to waver a bit , not to be fully invested in the task at hand . Secondly : I simply cannot enjoy shoddy worksmanship , no matter how many times I tell myself that I will edit it later . For me , writing is primarily a set of skills , not some magical spring inside of me that produces the clearest water if I just let it run free . I enjoy finding just the right words to unlock just the right feeling while I write . That 's what makes it fun for me . Finding out just how a character would say something is so integral to the character development , I can 't imagine leaving that until the very end . And yes , I love theme . Sure , some emerge later on , but I start every book with certain themes and motifs , and yeah , I do keep them in mind while I write . I 'm the kind of person who has to read back a few paragraphs in the morning when I start writing . And there is NOTHING that will kill my motivation faster than seeing how bad my own writing was the day before . I need to see something that at least resembles the standard I want to see in novels or else I 'm hanging in my chair , close to tears about my lack of talent , faster than you can say Flow . And bam , the creative confidence cycle has hit rock bottom again . And yes , I see no reason whatsoever why writing the book faster only then to take longer on editing is in any way a win for me at the bottom line . I enjoy writing a lot more than editing . So how stupid would I have to be to rush through the thing I enjoy only to pile up more work for me in the area I enjoy less ? Not to mention that editing gets exponentially more painful the messier the first draft is to begin with . Nobody is safe . It 's the end of the world as we know it . Death lurks around every corner . She must solve the riddle or pay with her life . Your basic summer block buster description . Only … I kind of despise summer block busters . Now , obviously , I recognize the value of a well - structured plot . I even get the action elements and the driving suspense , especially in Dan - Brown - style thrillers . That 's part of the deal . I just don 't understand why all so many others genres are this quick to adopt the strategy . Are readers really looking for a breathless thrill - ride when they pick up a fantasy or sci - fi novel , or even more puzzlingly , when trying to decide on their next YA or general fiction read ? Some definitely do . But there 's also a valuable and vocal part of the reading community who don 't . Personally , I almost always forgo books advertised this way , and when I stumble onto one that follows this principle without making it quite so plain in the description , I tend to end up disappointed . It 's just not what I am looking for in my reading experience . Cassandra Clare 's books , for example , always strike me as too plot - heavy . And she is by far not the only one in the YA / Paranormal / Fantasy / UF etc . community . I actually think she creates great characters and hints at really interestingly interwoven relationships , but whenever we get a little more into those , another plot point crops it short and sends the reader careening into another plot complication that doesn 't ultimately change the outcome at all . Plot , after all , is only one ingredient in the whole book recipe . It may feature more prominently in thrillers and mysteries , but each genre mixes the available components a little differently and I , for one , think we should continue to celebrate that . There is world - building , to name just one , which may just be a subtle after - taste in contemporary romance , women 's fiction or many general fiction stories , but it can be deciding factor in Sci - fi / fantasy novels . Harry Potter , for example , isn 't perfect in all respects for me , but the world - building alone is so uniquely imaginative , quirkily adorable and well - crafted throughout , that I will never say a word against the series and probably love it for the rest of my life . Another great example for this would be Jasper Fforde 's Thursday Next series . My personal favorite is character development though , and with it the development of different relationships as well ( including , but definitely not limited to romantic ones ) . The moment plot concerns are starting to override character developments , my reading enjoyment starts to slump drastically and if the trend continues throughout the book , it will leave me feeling unsatisfied and a little empty . Like fast food , maybe , except who am I kidding Fast Food is awesome . ( Can you all tell I 'm sitting at work and haven 't had breakfast yet ? ) In my Lakeside series , the first installment By the Light of the Moon is definitely the plot heavier one , whereas the sequel A Taste of Winter focusses more on character development . That 's why I think the latter is a lot better , but I also know that not everybody feels that way . Some readers liked the increased plot density of the first book , and to be honest , as a book of mine , it probably had ample character development too and maybe I overdid it a little bit in the sequel , indulged in what I like to read and write best . I like plot . I 'm a plotter myself . It is important to me to figure out what will happen throughout the book and which plot twists can best lead characters and readers to both the final climax and a satisfying ending . But I also balk at creating unnecessary twists just so that every chapter ends in cliff - hanger , to send characters and readers on wild goose chases only to come up empty and be pretty much in the same position they were three chapters ago . I 'll always rather spend those chapters on getting to know the characters and how they feel about it all , how the plot events changed their world and how they accommodate and react . Some of my favorite scenes in A Taste of Winter are the ones that show Owain dealing with the prejudice faced by his kind , and his determination to overcome it , for example , or Moira finally growing up and coming into her own strength in the relationship . But those scenes slow down the reading experience , I 'm told by countless how - to guides to writing . They put the brakes on that non - stopping thrill - ride , while the characters enjoy the landscape , go for a drink in a road - side café or park in a lonely alley for a clandestine blow - job . I get that .
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Amazon is changing its royalty policy for borrowed books from a per - book system to a per - page - read system . It 's a move that is widely supported by KPD Select authors ( you know , the people it affects ) , but - like any decision Amazon has ever made - criticism hails from a variety of camps . One of them is the grand league of cultural patronage , who apparently believe that literature is far too high - minded a thing to be judged ( or paid ) according to how much of it readers can get through , before they throw their Kindle against the wall . I 'm going to admit something here : I love literature . If pressed , I 'd even admit that I love lit fic above all genre fiction , and that 's what I write ! In the debates on the value of lit fic versus genre , I regularly come down on the side of literature and I do genuinely believe in its value for humanity as a whole . A value that does go beyond that of most genre fiction . But literature is written for readers ! In a big , big way ! The moment it stops being written for human consumption , or only to be read by literature professors to torture their students with , then what 's the point ? As numerous studies show , reading high quality literature increases empathy , intelligence , the ability to communicate and understand the world . Yes . It does all that . But the emphasis is on READING literature . The mere fact that it exists as some kind of abstract piece of art means nothing to anybody , except possibly the self - involved , post - modern writer who truly believes his genius shines too bright for any reader to understand . All the greats wrote stories for readers . The fact that a book is enjoyable is really not in any way a contraction to quality . Shakespeare himself wrote for the lowest , least educated group of his time , after all , commoners , looking for a good time drinking ale in a packed theater . Jane Austen , although maybe a little challenging to today 's reader , was well - loved by her readers and a great commercial success . And yes , the lit - scene is full of snobby idiots . Case in point : Fantasy and sci - fi can be just as literary as the great realists are - read some Vonnegut , Philip K . Dick or Ursula K . LeGuin for great examples . But literature is a great thing . It 's a great thing because we read it , and we fall in love and throughout its pages , it changes us , it helps us to understand , finds words for all those feelings and ideas that have been clanking around unnamed in our subconscious . And I 'm not saying it doesn 't take work sometimes . You sort of have to train yourself to become good at reading lit fic - but that 's really not a problem , cause you also have to work on playing video games before you 're any good , or on sports or painting or any fulfilling hobby people might have . And still they are all there to enrich human life , to exist in a vacuum for the ultra - educated . So listen culture snobs , the best literature has always been the books readers also connect with . Bringing the focus of writing - yes , even writing literature - back to the people is the best thing that could ever happen to it . People are smarter , more emotionally intelligent and better equipped to understand the big questions than you will ever know . And don 't you effing throw Twilight and 50 Shades back at me . People are also horny , so what ? Nobody is just one thing . Kaylah Shaw is everything Megan never wanted : impatient and abrasive , too tall and groomed to an unnatural perfection . One encounter is enough to last the failed photographer a lifetime . When she moves into Megan 's apartment building , however , Kaylah shows up at her door , with her smooth , long legs and a compelling smile , and surprises her with the request for a photoshoot . Finding some undeniable quality at the bottom of her dark eyes , Megan agrees , never expecting that Kaylah would take control of the shoot , with gentle but unerring dominance , and open her up to a world never explored before . I still rarely use them . Mostly because there many times when it feels like advertising instead , because we live in a society in which violence is entertainment and sexual violence doubly so . And I can 't even be preachy about it , really , because it works on me too . I also am lucky not to get triggered by blog posts , and when I do end up feeling bad , anxious and lingeringly icky after consuming an article or video , it 's usually because of subtle , strange things nobody would think of warning against . He was sweet , which is unusual for a street flirt . I had an inkling he was about to ask me out when he slowed down as I approached , when he changed the side of the road to match mine when I tried to get out of the situation . I didn 't want him to chat me up , but the sun was shining and I 'd had a really nice day at work and so when he did , I wasn 't quite able to shut it down . Being cold and dismissive is something I had to learn , and still have to prepare for , or the good old people please inside me rears its smiling Manic Pixie Dream Girl head . He spoke English better than German , which tends to win me over . He asked me what I do and how I like it , he asked what I enjoy in my spare time and showed an interest . And he a sweet , smiling face that didn 't look threatening . For the sake of fairness , I should say right now that this is not a story about how I was raped . Nothing quite so dramatic and horrible and important . But it is a story about how we got to talking about the tv shows we liked and why not hang out some time this week and watch one together , get to know each other . I 'm an introvert , a tv - hang - out session is my dream first date . And he said he was one , too . I still don 't know if that was the truth . But he gave me my number . He wasn 't pushy for mine , like most of them are . And so I texted him , and we arranged a date . In hind - sight , maybe I could have been smarter . My alarm bells could have run sooner , like when he acted like I was probably surprised he found me attractive and wanted to go out with me . Or when I finally figured out in one of his texts that he 'd followed me out of the train just to talk to me . He showed up 15 minutes late - which given Cologne 's public transport really isn 't a big deal - but he immediately said , " I bet you 're surprised I actually showed up , aren 't you ? I know you 're surprise . I could have texted but I thought I 'd like to surprise you . " I smiled and shook my head . I wasn 't surprised ; there 's nothing surprising about a man who finds me attractive and wants to get his hands on me . In fact it is the most annoyingly predictable part of dating in general . I offered him something to drink . He looked around , at my photos and my books and my DVDs . You know , intimate stuff like that . And he immediately hated my cat . Now , my dad doesn 't like cats either , and it 's not an issue of like - me - like - my - cat , but the way he flinched and aggressively shushed her away was unattractive . And it also put me on the defensive ; he had me apologizing five times before we even started to watch something . It 's not that I am shy or prude ( even though neither of these things are bad in any way ) . But I 've had sex or intimate touching too early before , and it has always felt to me like I was the girl selling tickets at the box office : For a while , we are both in the same place . We interact , maybe exchange a few niceties , which end up designed to make me smile and hand over the ticket . And in that moment , he takes my body into a dark room with him and I am left on the outside , hardly even able to look in , and definitely not part of the experience . At that point , I told him I really just want to hang out together . I have no interest in having sex or anything like that . He plays offended for a second and then reassures me . We get a little more comfortable and the show continues . He starts kissing my neck , licking it , scratching me with his beard . " Oh , do you ? " I ask . I raise my brows and sigh . No . I didn 't stop him . I didn 't say What about what I want ? People pleaser . I hate that girl . I stopped him when he straddled my lap , pulled up my shirt and started peeling away my bra . I said , " Hey . I 'm not into this . " And then he got angry . I don 't know if you ever tried to explain to a man who 's never even heard about feminist theory or rape culture , that no , I am not accusing him of trying to rape me . But yes , he 's doing something wrong . I asked him to leave , which he made me repeat I think a total of 6 or 7 times . Always asking whether I 'm sure . His voice got loud and aggressive . " You were okay with it ! I didn 't do anything wrong ! I respect women ! I like you and I know you like me too , I just don 't need a month to decide whether I like someone ! You didn 't say no ! " I did . But not very loud . And I certainly didn 't say yes . I didn 't say it with my mouth or with my body . I turned away , leaned away , squirmed out of his embraces whenever I could . When he left , I started to cry and I wanted to shower . It took me a while to realize that he reminded me all too starkly of my ex when I was 18 . The boy who 'd made sex a chore for me , something the man pressured , cajoled , begged , charmed out of me . Never the thing I wanted , desired . There was never enough time to get there . I never actually said " No " to him , either . I said , " Really , again ? " I said , " But we 're watching the movie … " I said , " I 'm really tired , can we just cuddle ? " I said , " I 'm still sore . " I said , " I have to be at work in an hour and I don 't want to shower again . " He also knew what he wanted . And when he wanted something the touching and the groping , the relentless pushing , that 's just something that happens . And when I push his hand away , that 's not saying " no " - I guess that 's saying " Try again in 2 Minutes . " So I cried . A lot . And I sat , staring into space , going over everything I said and everything I did . And over the way his voice changed and his eyes weren 't cute anymore ; they suddenly were the eyes of a man who could hurt me . I had trouble falling asleep and when I did , I had nightmares and kept waking up bathed in sweat . In the morning , I was still staring into space , starting to come up with appropriate responses : the things I should have said when he belittled my feelings , when he snorted at the idea someone like me could tell him what to do and what not to do . After all , wasn 't I supposed to be grateful for his attentions ? I ended up forgetting my keys , and I cried in the bathroom at work . The service to open up my door set me back 200 € and there 's a part of me that is still sitting here , staring into space , trying to figure out what I could have done differently - yesterday and when I was 19 . I 'm still a hair 's breadth away from starting to cry again . The thing that gets me is … I could have wanted him , if he had given me a little more time . If he had talked and laughed and been a person with me , rather than a guy who 's after sex . It 's the least sexy thing in the world , the way their personalities glaze over and I don 't even recognize the fun person they were a few minutes before . And I 'm just so , so tired of it sometimes . After Life Lessons is a Survival / Post - Apocalypse series with a Women 's Fiction bent . In the wake of a devastating epidemic , Emily finds herself alone , grieving and struggling to survive with her young son , Song . They encounter Aaron , an Army medic on a mission of his own . After Life Lessons : Book One follows their journey from mere struggle to survive , into a life they slowly begin to recognize as worth living again . Once settled and fortified , they take to the road once more in Book Two in order to find Aaron 's family . Instead they find new enemies and new allies and a dangerous mission for the future of the region . Years after the end of the world , the scattered survivors have begun to reconcile with their fate and are starting to build communities from the rubble . Life has been kind to Aaron and Emily , and maybe it is that infusion of hope that leads them on a winter trip to search for Aaron 's family . But the world outside their little haven has grown harsher , the conditions rough and dangerous . Not everybody they meet on their journey allowed the grim realities to harden their hearts , however . Malachi and Kenzie - a easy - going drifter with a bum leg and amnesia , and a teenage girl who has lost everyone and everything - are on an ill - conceived mission to Mexico , while Iago and his band of nomads work to forge trading connections between the small settlements of the south . All of them will discover new nightmares on the road , far surpassing the threat of the last rotting zombies still roaming the countryside . And now they must come together to fight for peace and justice in the world they trying to rebuild . Just in time for valentine 's day , we 're bringing you a new collection of stories of L . C . Spoering and myself . Now , for my part , I don 't have a date tonight and where I live , more people indulge in Cologne 's Stree Carneval this weekend than make mention of Valentine 's day , but so we have the have the finer things - the books , and films , the music and the secret thoughts : ) . Visions of drill - sergeants march through my head and I laugh at them . What do they know about writing ? Well , okay , sometimes you just have to push . There is a place for brute force in writing , but why go there when you can hack whatever blocks you in so many more pleasant ways ? First things first : Yes , I am a firm believer in the idea that there is no such thing as Writer 's Block , very much like there is no teacher 's block , no fireman 's or secretary 's block . We really need to stop mystifying ourselves . However . And that is a big one , so it gets its own sentence . However , there are pretty powerful blocking factors that occur so often that bets are , you have to deal with at least two of them if you want to finish writing anything . A little obvious , sure , but a lot of the time the reason you are not writing is very simply because you don 't want to . Think about it : writing for many of us is somewhere in the nebulous area between a job and a hobby . It can feel a bit like doing your homework back in school : a lot of work every day with only a bare glimpse of the benefit at the end of a very long tunnel . But this time you are not in school : you 're an adult and you have a day job ( or kids , or you 're not an adult and actually have school on top of everything ) . Nobody is after you like a hawk denying you video games or the Wi - Fi password until you 're done . The reason you don 't want to write is because in your head , you turned it into work / homework / chores . This happens so easily because we 're humans and we 're idiots that way , but there are ways around it . One literally is to ruthlessly hype yourself up to write . Make a habit of thinking about your story while you do your actual work and your actual chores . Envision the awesome scenes you get to write that day , how well they well integrate and push your plot ahead . Think of the characters that you love and ask them how they feel about yesterday 's scene and how you can make them happy today . And it may seem silly but it 's crucial in terms of brain chemistry : smile while you do it ! Even if you don 't feel like smiling at first , smile anyway . It 'll become more natural as your scenes unfold in front of your mind 's eye . At the time , I just wanted to write a piece that was all about my own impressions of bdsm and the people who practice it , as it appeared to me , and as - in my limited reading erotica reading experience anyway - was rarely depicted in erotic romance . I wanted to write about consent and laughter , about kindness and the normality of it all . I wanted regular - looking people with a regular to modest income , who just acted like regular people who want to get to know each other and enjoy each other 's predilections ( okay : more or less . The time contraction for the sake of the novella format did impose certain limitations to reality lol ) . The point is : I was writing it very much as a statement piece . It wasn 't really about the characters or their story , but I fell in love with them anyway . And by the end of Driftwood Deeds , I knew I wanted to give them more : backstory , real character and a satisfying conclusion . And so Trading Tides and Saltwater Skin were conceived . Trading Tides is the dark moment in the trilogy , it puts their young relationship to the test . I knew very early on that I wanted to write about distance relationships , about sustaining love through phone wires and internet sessions . Especially before 50 Shades , bdsm still felt so taboo , it was and still is hard to find local people , the pool is just a lot smaller and the chance to fall in love in that pool becomes somewhat tiny ( not least of all because there are a lot of nutters around lol ) . So I feel like distance is an issue faced by a lot of D / s couples , and I wanted to pay tribute to that and explore it . In the end , it was probably the hardest to write emotionally , because it revived so many old memories of my own , of fighting against a current that feels overwhelming at times , of longing and need and feeling alone in a world full of people because the one person you want to be with is miles away . But of course that also made it incredibly gratifying to bring to a happy conclusion . And then came Saltwater Skin , where Paul takes over as narrator , which posed challenges of its very own as well . He always had a very distinct voice in my head , a strong character who deserved to express all of his own thoughts and impressions and to not just be seen through Iris ' eyes . He is definitely a character I fell for hard , and who still makes me swoon : troubled , thoughtful hero who works hard to overcome is issues to finally be the man he wants to be . Saltwater Skin will be released next week alongside a Complete Trilogy Collection ( although because of issues they are actually already available on AllRomance and Smashwords ) , and there is something wonderful about starting into the New Year with a finished long - term project . As much as I love Breaking in Waves , its completion opens up so much space in my head , so many possibilities and new story ideas . And I can 't wait to see if readers like spending time in Paul 's head as much as I did ! If you 're anything like me , two weeks before Christmas you 're probably not exactly done with your Christmas gifts . For me , that is because my family is made up of die - hard pragmatists when it comes to material things , who almost impossible to find presents for . So I researched gifts for people who appreciate such things in a series of book inspired gift ideas . In the first book , Paul takes Iris on a walk by the sea - side , to an abandoned beach where he finds all the raw materials for his work - work : driftwood and rope , sea - glass and rusty fishing gear . They walk around the place in wellington boots , searching for treasure and forging a very first connection . They find little glittering fishing lures , and pieces of sea - glass glittering in the sand . " So you think I like broken things ? " I asked after a long time , voice warm and tinged in this quiet , restful moment . Paul Archer looked at me over the rim of his cup , which he held in both hands to drink as though it was an Asian bowl . " I think you understand them , notice them , " he corrected , then tilted his head , put the cup down and pulled his glasses from his face . He wiped the hot water condensation from the lenses before resetting the glasses on his nose in that charming gesture . " And maybe , you feel drawn to them , too . " ( Driftwood Deeds , Chapter 3 ) Although primarily a screen - writer , Paul likes to work with his hands . He makes beautiful things out of driftwood : furniture and decorative objects . Later in Trading Tides , she makes a bed - side table for Iris because she needs somewhere to rest her books when she 's asleep . He likes the stories he imagines in old wood , long cut from its tree . Paul is like a knotted , washed out piece of wood , Iris finds on her day at the beach . A piece of driftwood that compels , inspires her with its beauty and its history , with the soft sheen of its form . And she takes it with her , slowly working new life into a man who long thought the most exciting parts of his life were in the past . Instead , they start their tumultuous love story - and of course it 's not simple . Great passion never comes easy . But then Iris doesn 't like easy . She likes pain and the test of endurance . She likes the way Paul reaches for a leather strap to spank her rear . " You didn 't want to wear any of them , " he says after a while . I pause , try to gather my thoughts . Then I shake my head . " Yes ! " There 's a sharp , hot knot in my stomach and I reach for his hand on the wall , cover it with mine . " Of course I do . I am . And I want … I want to wear something of yours . I want to be reminded all the time . Just … " " I think maybe I want something of yours . Something that 's you . Or me . Something that 's about us . ( Trading Tides , Epilogue ) And , of course , in the very last book - Saltwater Skin , which will be released in January - Paul has given Iris more than a leather cuff , and a collar . He also gave her a diary , he bound from the same piece of leather . A diary for her to him , to write in her thoughts and her feelings , to express everything she finds hard to say out loud - like all of us should . It is a truth almost universally acknowledged in writer circles anymore - see what I did there ? - that bringing as many words as possible onto the page in each sitting is the key to writerly success . Espoused everywhere you look , from the ever - popular Nanowrimo to blogs , podcasts and self - help books for writers , the basic idea seems to be that finishing a book is hard , and the easiest way to get through it , is to do it as fast and painlessly as possible . Get the words out there , vomit them onto your text processor , and most importantly : don 't think about it at all . That 's the way to Flow . Flow , that magical word that has been making the rounds for a while , state of infinite creative potential when the mind is linked - up , perfectly aligned to spill out your inner genius . I don 't know how ADD we have become as a culture that we think it necessary to explain and mystify the benefits inherent in a state of enduring and enjoyable concentration , but that 's all it seems to be . Despite being often compared to a runner 's high , that feeling athletes seem to get when the rush of endorphins from physical exertion overpowers pain and exhaustion , there isn 't actually any link between the two . I shouldn 't have to point out that one includes the exercise induced rush of hormones and the other , well , doesn 't . Now , I am the last person to diss Flow . Flow is amazing . I just seriously question whether Flow really has anything to do with the word - vomit we are often called upon to expel into our manuscripts . To clarify : we are supposed to just write down whatever comes to mind without caring about spelling , phrasing , the beauty of words , sentence and melody or even the appropriate wording of dialogue . Least of all should we think about theme or repeating topics , motifs and metaphors . The resulting text might require more editing ( according to some sources up to several times the amount it took to write ) , but that 's supposedly worth it , because the important thing is to get it out of your head as soon as possible . This is relevant here , because you cannot stop thinking , evaluating and constantly assessing the whole picture while you translate . Now , according to Flow - espousers , this should prevent Flow . My inner critic is on 100 % of the time , I constantly check terminology , look up words , compare them to earlier usage within the text , make sure this is the best way I could possibly express any given sentiment etc . And still I achieve Flow . In fact , I achieve Flow faster and easier than I do in writing . That 's not because I enjoy translating more . I don 't . But I believe simply because translating is a more immersive activity , just BECAUSE you have to concentrate so hard on so many things at once . You can 't help it . In writing , it 's easier to waver a bit , not to be fully invested in the task at hand . Secondly : I simply cannot enjoy shoddy worksmanship , no matter how many times I tell myself that I will edit it later . For me , writing is primarily a set of skills , not some magical spring inside of me that produces the clearest water if I just let it run free . I enjoy finding just the right words to unlock just the right feeling while I write . That 's what makes it fun for me . Finding out just how a character would say something is so integral to the character development , I can 't imagine leaving that until the very end . And yes , I love theme . Sure , some emerge later on , but I start every book with certain themes and motifs , and yeah , I do keep them in mind while I write . I 'm the kind of person who has to read back a few paragraphs in the morning when I start writing . And there is NOTHING that will kill my motivation faster than seeing how bad my own writing was the day before . I need to see something that at least resembles the standard I want to see in novels or else I 'm hanging in my chair , close to tears about my lack of talent , faster than you can say Flow . And bam , the creative confidence cycle has hit rock bottom again . And yes , I see no reason whatsoever why writing the book faster only then to take longer on editing is in any way a win for me at the bottom line . I enjoy writing a lot more than editing . So how stupid would I have to be to rush through the thing I enjoy only to pile up more work for me in the area I enjoy less ? Not to mention that editing gets exponentially more painful the messier the first draft is to begin with . Nobody is safe . It 's the end of the world as we know it . Death lurks around every corner . She must solve the riddle or pay with her life . Your basic summer block buster description . Only … I kind of despise summer block busters . Now , obviously , I recognize the value of a well - structured plot . I even get the action elements and the driving suspense , especially in Dan - Brown - style thrillers . That 's part of the deal . I just don 't understand why all so many others genres are this quick to adopt the strategy . Are readers really looking for a breathless thrill - ride when they pick up a fantasy or sci - fi novel , or even more puzzlingly , when trying to decide on their next YA or general fiction read ? Some definitely do . But there 's also a valuable and vocal part of the reading community who don 't . Personally , I almost always forgo books advertised this way , and when I stumble onto one that follows this principle without making it quite so plain in the description , I tend to end up disappointed . It 's just not what I am looking for in my reading experience . Cassandra Clare 's books , for example , always strike me as too plot - heavy . And she is by far not the only one in the YA / Paranormal / Fantasy / UF etc . community . I actually think she creates great characters and hints at really interestingly interwoven relationships , but whenever we get a little more into those , another plot point crops it short and sends the reader careening into another plot complication that doesn 't ultimately change the outcome at all . Plot , after all , is only one ingredient in the whole book recipe . It may feature more prominently in thrillers and mysteries , but each genre mixes the available components a little differently and I , for one , think we should continue to celebrate that . There is world - building , to name just one , which may just be a subtle after - taste in contemporary romance , women 's fiction or many general fiction stories , but it can be deciding factor in Sci - fi / fantasy novels . Harry Potter , for example , isn 't perfect in all respects for me , but the world - building alone is so uniquely imaginative , quirkily adorable and well - crafted throughout , that I will never say a word against the series and probably love it for the rest of my life . Another great example for this would be Jasper Fforde 's Thursday Next series . My personal favorite is character development though , and with it the development of different relationships as well ( including , but definitely not limited to romantic ones ) . The moment plot concerns are starting to override character developments , my reading enjoyment starts to slump drastically and if the trend continues throughout the book , it will leave me feeling unsatisfied and a little empty . Like fast food , maybe , except who am I kidding Fast Food is awesome . ( Can you all tell I 'm sitting at work and haven 't had breakfast yet ? ) In my Lakeside series , the first installment By the Light of the Moon is definitely the plot heavier one , whereas the sequel A Taste of Winter focusses more on character development . That 's why I think the latter is a lot better , but I also know that not everybody feels that way . Some readers liked the increased plot density of the first book , and to be honest , as a book of mine , it probably had ample character development too and maybe I overdid it a little bit in the sequel , indulged in what I like to read and write best . I like plot . I 'm a plotter myself . It is important to me to figure out what will happen throughout the book and which plot twists can best lead characters and readers to both the final climax and a satisfying ending . But I also balk at creating unnecessary twists just so that every chapter ends in cliff - hanger , to send characters and readers on wild goose chases only to come up empty and be pretty much in the same position they were three chapters ago . I 'll always rather spend those chapters on getting to know the characters and how they feel about it all , how the plot events changed their world and how they accommodate and react . Some of my favorite scenes in A Taste of Winter are the ones that show Owain dealing with the prejudice faced by his kind , and his determination to overcome it , for example , or Moira finally growing up and coming into her own strength in the relationship . But those scenes slow down the reading experience , I 'm told by countless how - to guides to writing . They put the brakes on that non - stopping thrill - ride , while the characters enjoy the landscape , go for a drink in a road - side café or park in a lonely alley for a clandestine blow - job . I get that .
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Last week I went back to the beginning with one of my favourite writers , William Faulkner , by reading ' Soldiers ' Pay ' , his first novel . It 's very enjoyable , even if one clearly sees some of the natural flaws that can appear in a first book ( too much reference to the weather , for instance ; an unwieldy narrative at times ) . But any criticism is to be readily expected of an early work by a great writer , and especially from a reader who has gone through Faulkner 's major works beforehand . The novel is noteworthy too in that the central character , Mahon , is a shell of his former self , has the least to say , and yet is the figurehead that the other characters cling on to in order to find some form of redemption . Faulkner 's biographer , Frederick R . Karl , makes the point that Faulkner uses Mahon as an exalted Christ - like figure , sacrificed to the gods of war . Despite being a hapless body smashed by the First World War , Mahon 's being determines the world that now surrounds them . The themes of silence , emotion and sacredness are all here and of course would become recurring motifs through many of Faulkner 's later works . Faulkner 's representation of women in ' Soldiers ' Pay ' is conflicted and probably drew upon personal experience . There is the strong , worldly , maternal figure of Margaret Power and then there is Cecily Saunders , a spoiled , shallow , sexual tease who seems to have no ideas or purpose in life . One of my favourite moments in the novel is from Margaret Power . After having her way with one of the soldiers , Joe Gilligan , she spurns his declarations of feelings , leaving him with a bruised ego . Margaret asks him why he 's so upset ; is it because I 've done to you Joe , what a man would do to a woman ? It seems that when Faulkner sat down to write ' Soldiers ' Pay ' , there was little sense that he would become America 's leading novelist of the 20th century . Hemingway often complained that Tolstoy had a unique advantage in his writing to everyone else , because he had been a soldier and had experienced life and death at their most heightened senses . One wonders if the modern novelist now feels the same about Hemingway and Faulkner , who both had the momentous events of the World Wars to hang any story upon . ( It is pointed that both men started out with the intention of becoming poets , as well as soldiers ; that most romantic and tragic of all figures in the world of letters . ) Faulkner wanted to be a writer because he wanted the leisurely lifestyle it afforded his friend Sherwood Anderson , but also because he realised it was ' fun ' when he got down to it . Writing probably was fun for dear old Bill , but then genius can make creation come easily . The rest of us must struggle and plough a lonely furrow . All the same , it 's worth listing some of the advice Faulkner gave on writing , and I 've also included an interesting video of the writer 's time at the University of Virginia . The only rule I have is to quit while it 's still hot . Never write yourself out . Always quit when it 's going good . Then it 's easier to take it up again . If you exhaust yourself , then you 'll get into a dead spell and you 'll have trouble with it . Cast Away Stones ( Fiction ) He flicked the key and the ignition sparked into life with a growl that filled the small garage . A tiny smile came across his face as he pressed his foot on the accelerator that made the old car roar in defiance . He clutched into neutral and got out to listen to the gradual change of the engine finding its level once again ; the battered rust bucket eased into a steady hum , purring like a fattened animal gorging on its latest meal . A cigarette was reward for his work and he pulled hard on it , enjoying the mixture of smoke and petrol fumes permeating from the car . He would drink those flavours if he could , the potent contrast of the fuel vapours and tobacco . He sucked it all in . The evening passed as he did his repairs , moving frequently from the top of the engine to underneath the car ; a task he was just about able for , considering his body was starting to creak even though he turned only fifty this year . The run down wooden - shack that was his workshop was warm from the little electrical heater in the corner and he was sheathed in perspiration underneath his blue overalls . But it was a good sweat , he thought , sweat worth spilling when the job was done at the end of the night . He peered out the grease - smudged window of the garage toward the house across the gravel pathway . The light shining earlier from the bedroom was switched off now , the heavy curtains drawn . The draw of the cigarette felt good on his throat , but the real kicker for him was fixing things ; always was , even as a young boy . When he was nine , he watched for his parents coming back from the hospital one day because they 'd told him they would be bringing home a little brother or sister for him . But his parents were the only people who got out of the car and his mother said that he would have no little brother or sister after all , ' because her baby - making button wasn 't working ' . ' Maybe we could borrow Auntie Marie 's button ? She might not need it anymore , ' he later suggested to his mother as she cooked dinner . She leaned over to stroke his face and placed an understanding kiss on his forehead . ' Baby button , ' he laughed , before stubbing out the cigarette in the ashtray and reaching in and turning off the ignition . He looked at his watch : midnight , time to go inside ; time to strip down from his overalls and boots at the back door and wash the dirt and the grease from his hardened , granite - like hands . He turned off the heater and light before locking up and walking across the pathway to the house . The night sky felt new as the stars hung low and clear overhead . After scrubbing himself clean , he came into the kitchen and found the fire still aglow with chestnut blocks . He stoked them into a flame and opened a bottle of beer from the fridge . A note was left on the table beside the butter plate : Need to go into town in the morning to get a few things . He sliced some bread , buttered it and turned the note over to show that he had read it . Sitting in the armchair next to the fire , he watched the flame dance excitedly with the flickers of the cold night air travelling down the chimney , the orange flame turning blue . It was quiet in the house and he listened for his wife Lisa 's movement in the bedroom above his head . All he could hear was the faint , muffled drone of her snoring burrowing through the floor and then retreating . He could smell her ; he could smell the sweet moisturising cream she applied to her face , neck , chest and hands every night , to replenish what she had lost during the day from the vigorous housework she made her daily business . He hated that smell . It had become a shield to the intimacy that mattered so much to him , intimacy that started to disappear a few weeks ago . First there was the tense , brusque behaviour when it came to the touch , and then she shielded herself from any approach at all with that thick , acrid balm . In their bed one night he went to her but there was nothing , like a light had been switched off , and darkness surrounded them ever since . Lisa followed her usual route through the narrow streets of the town but today she felt different : unable to think straight , as though floating or detached from her body . For a guiding hand , she searched her bag for the list she always made before a trip to the shops . It was then she noticed the creased brown envelope sticking out of the inside zip - pocket . It came in the post a few weeks ago . The letter detailed the results of her recent breast screening : a growth was found and they would have to operate as soon as possible , it said . She had not told Michael any of this ; she didn 't know how to break the news to him . In her mind , it was like a glass placed on the edge of a table , destined to tip over and smash any time soon - and she would have to watch it happen , in horrible slow motion , shattering their world . But even now , she was content to let it wobble perilously back and forth . The day of the scan , he drove her to the hospital but she told him it was a routine appointment . ' It 's only to get my blood checked by the nurse . Drop me off and get your dinner in the hotel . I won 't bother with cooking this afternoon . ' She remembered watching him drive off in another one of his restored bangers , oblivious , and how she was there , waiting , when he returned , happy as a lord and chatting with great gusto on the way home about the new value menu . ' That was some packing , a great tightener ' , his favourite phrases when it came to food . She smiled and said they would have to go together next time . Later , when they got home , Lisa went straight to bed . She did not eat , claiming tiredness from the visit to the hospital . She had never forgotten her list before . ' I 'll get the meat anyway and come back in for the other things , ' she declared to herself and walked towards Ryan 's butchers . The old widow Sheila Ryan was behind the counter along with her middle - aged son Padraic . He was the worker in the business , while she took care of the front of the house . ' Hah ! Away with you at that , maybe it 's because I 've not been in here for a couple of weeks , ' she tried to say lightly . ' Michael is working at another old car of his and sometimes it 's hard to drag him away from it , even just for the messages . ' ' Yes , please . But with a couple of extra on each , in case I 'm as long getting back to you again . You know what men are like when they get stuck into something . ' Lisa and Mrs Ryan giggled in a girlish way : an acknowledgement that they knew this and something more , but something that would never be spoken between ladies such as themselves . An elderly woman entered the shop and was greeted fondly by the widow , and before long they fell into a deep , hushed conversation , allowing Lisa to retreat towards the wall . She enjoyed the feeling of the cool tiles against her back as she heard the drowsy hum of the meat cutter come to life . Now and again it shrieked , as the butcher expertly guided the sheave of the cold blade cleanly through the pink , succulent joint . It reminded Lisa of when Michael would cut metal in the garage at home : she would watch the sparks fly upwards through the little window and picture his goggled face full of concentration . The rain was coming down heavily as Michael sat in the car waiting for his wife , but it was not long until he sighted her in the rear - view mirror , walking briskly with her shopping bags . He always thought of her as cat - like when he first courted her all those years ago , with her coal - coloured , narrow eyes and feline movements . Lisa 's figure hadn 't changed much down the years : her curves could be seen through the dress and cardigan she was wearing , her bodylines sketched by the rain , which was laying siege to the cotton . Lisa nodded as she got inside . She pulled down the mirror on the passenger side and shook the raindrops from her long black hair and adjusted her fringe . After placing the bags in the boot , Michael returned to the driver 's seat . He smelt the damp , steamy air of the rain rising from his wife 's body and started the car . It chugged for a moment , stalled and then died . He tried again but with the same result . ' I forgot my list , would you believe it ? I 'm useless without my list , so I only got some food shopping until I get in again . Can you take me in tomorrow perhaps ? I know I 'm taking you away from … ' ' No problem , ' Michael interrupted . ' Sean Russell came into Brannigan 's and was looking for a part off me , so I can drop it in to him instead of his coming out to the house . I 'll ring him later when you decide what time you want to go in . ' The road was still quiet and the rain departed as quickly as it arrived , like some fleeting visitor whose only trace of calling was a light smudge on the ground . The day lurched its way back into itself , with the reawakened sun burnishing the glistened surface . Lisa switched on the radio to a station playing classic pop tunes and their warm familiarity padded out the peacefulness . The sluggishness of the car worried Michael though ; he could feel it in each movement . ' Ah yeah , ' he said casually , trying not to betray his thoughts , ' it 's only because of the oil change I gave it last night . It 's working through , that 's all . We 'll be grand . ' He knew rightly though ; the car was torpid . ' Hey , what 's the matter ? There 's no need for tears , no need to panic , ' he said with a smile and squeezed her hand for reassurance . ' I spoke to Sean and he 'll be out to us as soon as he can . It 'll be an hour before he gets here as he 's on another job , but sure there 's nothing can be done about that . ' ' It 's not your fault ; I 'm just being silly . Things have got the better of me today for some reason … Well , for quite some time now actually , not that I need to tell you that . You 've had to live with it . ' ' At least we 're dry and it 's not cold . Why don 't we just bide our time . It 's not as if we 're in a rush for anything . ' This was the day I won your heart ; a day sketched in sepia . A day of eagerly opening doors , clasping warm hands , and hoisting an umbrella against the grey pitter - patter Dublin rain . It was a day for a gentleman 's heart to rise from its slumber and fight against the groundswell of the grunts . A day spent well with a languorous lunch and a gallery stuffed with art , to tickle our already tendered minds . For my love 's prettiness was worth a film alone . She had a smile that burst the sky and green eyes of uncharted promise . Her full lips could 've inspired Ellington 's ' Prelude To A Kiss ' as she sashayed straight out of the pages of a Fitzgerald novel - beautiful , be damned ! A cocktail for the road home , or the ditch depending on how my luck held out . I chuckled when you scrunched up your freckled nose - like a little rabbit , remember ? Sipping your martini : ' The sunlight clasps the earth , and the moonbeams kiss the sea : What is all this sweet work worth , if thou kiss not me ? ' II . THE LITTLE JUG The welcoming glow of the fire in the small , whitewashed cottage was the only light greeting them when they returned from their evening walk on the strand . The shadows of the room lolled familiarly against the walls . A warm air and the aroma from the beef bourguignon cooking in the kitchen lifted the chill from their faces . Sarah went to check on the food , while Conor placed a couple of pine blocks on top of the blaze and lit the candles by the windows looking out to the sea . He lifted down two heavy bottomed tumblers and the bottle of whiskey from a shelf in the oak bookcase - they always kept their booze in good company , Flann O ' Brien on one side and Turgenev on the other - and set them on the coffee table near the sofa , before pouring two good measures . Sitting down , he studied his drink , the fire seemingly caressing and coaxing out its deep complexity . Sarah came in from the kitchen with the little porcelain jug and kicked off her boots before curling up beside him on the sofa . The walk in the cool spring air revived their minds and settled their bodies for the night . Conor leaned forward and put a little water in his wife 's glass - he never measured how much , somehow he just knew - and handed it to her . He sat back and pulled Sarah into him as they watched the blaze roar up the wide chimney chute , with a crack from the wood splitting the silence now and again . His mind drifted back to when he started going out with her all those years ago and how he thought then that he would never be able to make her happy . She was ambitious , driven and always wanted to be on the move . Then one night , they had come home late , from dinner at a friend 's place , and over a nightcap he told her about this little white stonewashed country cottage he had been bequeathed years ago by his elderly aunt , who had never married . He said he intended to use the place as a weekend getaway and they both talked long into the night , with more whiskey being poured along with water from the little porcelain jug until the light streamed through the window and a new dawn bounced off their empty glasses . He remembered his first true love E . and blessed the ground where she now stands , for it was she who found light , where only shadows stood before . Her fresh flower of youth gave him his first taste of wine and honey and they both drank in deep , long draughts until drunk with love . Only then did they find that the clay with which they were shaping their lives was made arid by the dull hand of a father , caked in bitter barrenness . Turning on to his side , the vision of T . appeared . She struck a chord in his heart and changed his tune so that their future song was left gloriously unwritten . In the end , her brass bed became rusted from her veil of tears but he was glad to have lived long enough to see her flood of change come pure , and he pictured her , a child again , leaping playfully from stone to stone above the deluge . He lay on his back again . The door opened softly and he raised his head from the pillow to see the palliative nurse come in : R . was beautiful . She had white blonde hair cut up like a boy 's and heavily waxed , so that it looked like a shower of sparks flying upwards , while her blue eyes seemed to break a little piece of the sky every time she blinked . Leaning over him to adjust his pillows , she asked if he wanted a little water and he nodded his head , for he wanted that more than anything else in the world . suchstuffas dreams are made of - on television , on stage , on screen , on the page . Our Woman in HavanaA writer 's blog on human rights , global politics , travel and cultureLondon Unveiledgreat places to visit off the beaten path . K . R . MoorheadMaeve McClenaghanJournalistKaggsy 's Bookish RamblingsSo many books , so little timeAasmah MirTV and Radio presenterCathy FitzGeraldWriter & Radio ProducerVentures & Adventures in TopographyOn Resonance 104 . 4fm and onlineMichael J . 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Share this : TwitterFacebookGoogleLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted in Blitz , book tour , Giveaway , LIVE , New Release . Dark novel ~ Covet Not by Book Bitch Arden Aoide ! ! From the womb , she was owned . Shula Kelley was signed away before her first breath , just like everyone else in secessionist Texas . She was called beautiful like it meant something important . Like it would get her a kind husband , or one less cruel . She hoped Jared Agnesson was kind . As punishment for his son 's rebellion , the patriarch of the Agnesson clan claimed Shula for his own . And she saw only one way out . Shula had a plan , but she didn 't realize it would require a savior . First acts of rebellion open doors that are best left closed . Until Jared walked through it . Her savior . But how can she truly love when she only knows obedience ? " Don 't do that , my love . Pretend I 'm not here if you must , but I 'm going to watch you , and you will continue . " His need was just at the surface , but he found he wanted to hold on to it , just a bit , no matter how unsettling it was to him . He was quite spoiled by his bride , and she tended to his every desire , whether she realized it or not . But this was different . This was unexplored territory . He hadn 't realized desire could be on a spectrum and that revelation made him want to feel everything all at once . Do everything all at once . The thought of untapped desire was distressing . Intoxicating . Oh God . He wanted to watch her ? She couldn 't . She just couldn 't . She arranged her night dress and sat up , deeply ashamed , but found herself quickly on her back with her husband over her , palm pressing the center of her chest . " No , Shula . I said you will continue . " He barely recognized his voice . He grabbed her right hand and pressed it to her damp panties . His zipper rubbed against the back of her hand , and she could feel he was hard . He was going to make her . He 'd never made her do anything she hadn 't wanted before , so why was he making her now ? To punish her ? Surely not . " I don 't think I can , Jared . I don 't want to displease you , but I 'm terribly embarrassed , and I don 't want you to think ‒ " That you 're not enough , she thought miserably to herself . " Think what , Shula ? Tell me . " Her panties were moved to the side and his thumb a centimeter from her clitoris . It was maddeningly still . His mouth spoke into hers after a thorough kiss . " Tell me , and I might help you out . " Shula was relieved . Not for the help , but because she hadn 't wanted him angry . " I 've just done this since I was young , and I don 't know . I just enjoy it . " " You do ‒ Oh ! " His face was between her legs , lapping fully at her labia . " Now . I want to watch very closely . " He circled her clitoris with his tongue before moving back out . " Do it . " And she did . Her fingers moved rapidly , while his tongue and mouth tasted and explored everything else . His tongue would work its way in beside her fingers and she would buck against his face . He didn 't bother dissuading her . It took her a few seconds to comprehend it , but she did . She removed her hand and clutched it to her chest . She didn 't know what she was doing wrong . She was afraid she would cry if she spoke . Jared saw . He saw how he scared her , and it was intolerable . " Shula , love . Slow down . That 's all . " He kissed the skin of her thigh closest to his mouth . " Slow , slow , slow , " he begged . He kissed her fingers once they found their way back . He watched her . He saw how her body adapted to a slower pace . He saw how she would quicken , then slow again as she was getting closer . Arden Aoide lives in San Antonio , Texas , with her husband , two daughters , and three cats . Turn ons include men who cry during sex , long walks on the beach , and talking about herself in the third person . Turn offs include mean people and trying to figure out how to write an interesting author bio . Share this : TwitterFacebookGoogleLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted in book tour , Dark Novel , LIVE , New Release . The Agreement release & giveaway By J . C . Reed & Jackie Steele That 's what life is supposed to be like . As the rightful heir to Waterfront Shore , I would gladly refuse my inheritance . I don 't want the money . I sure don 't want to have anything to do with its dark past . Except for the letters of my deceased mother , I would be willing to cut losses and move on and give up my rich lifestyle . But my stepfather expects me to marry . And then there is my new fiancé . When an innocent plan lands us engaged , none of us are prepared for the consequences . No one warned us that we could fall in love . Maybe The Agreement wasn 't such a good idea . Share this : TwitterFacebookGoogleLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted in book tour , Giveaway , LIVE . Tagged Amazon , Barn & Nobel , Ebook , Five Star , Giveaway , Goodreads , iBooks , Kindle , Live , Romance Romantic Suspense ~ Slammer by Tabatha Vargo * * WARNING * * This book is NOT for the faint of heart . If you have issues reading about abuse ( physical or mental ) then please DO NOT read this book . 18 + for sexual content , language , and violence . The last place Christopher Jacobs , aka X , thought he 'd find himself was behind bars . Ten years later , the boy he used to be is gone . In his place is the shell of a man with murder under his belt . Any emotion he once had was left under the gavel when he was given life in prison . That is until the new nurse in the infirmary joins the block . Putting your hands on a prison employee will get you the hole , but some things are worth their punishment , and something tells him Lyla will be worth more than he bargained for . Lyla Evans isn 't sure about her new job at a maximum security prison , but showing uncertainty and weakness isn 't an option . Taking care of murders and rapist isn 't ideal , but survival is key . She 's warned ahead of time about a prisoner named X , but when she 's attacked , it 's the dangerous X that saves her . Fraternizing with the prisoners is forbidden , but sometimes the most forbidden things are the sweetest " HOLY MOTHER OF ALL THINGS HOLY ! What on earth did Tabatha do to my heart ? ! She ripped it out , stomped all over it , and shoved the broken thing back in … and I loved every minute of it . I think . " ~ Heather , Give Me Books " I just cannot put into words how much I loved Slammer ! ! ! Be prepared for a ride of a lifetime with X and Lyla ! " ~ Kara , Give Me Books " A haunting , unconventional love story I will never forget . " ~ Ella James , USA TODAY bestselling author of Sloth " If you 're looking for a mushy sweet romance , this is not the book for you . If you want to read something that is unlike anything else out there and that will surprise you and leave you in complete shock , then READ THIS BOOK . Without a doubt the best book I 've read in a long time . It 's dark , twisted , violent , but it 's unique and shocking and unpredictable . " ~ Author Amy McClung " I hope you 're ready for the best mind fuck of your life , because this book is going to give it to you and give it good ! " ~ Michele , Devilishly Delicious Book Reviews Tabatha is a NEW YORK TIMES and USA TODAY bestselling author , but mostly she 's a sweet tea sippin ' , front porch sittin ' kind of girl from South Carolina . She loves old , historical anything , wind chimes , and all things romantic . She 's the mother of an 9 y / o rockstar / princess and the wife of her very own Prince Charming . Website / Facebook / Amazon Page / Twitter Share this : TwitterFacebookGoogleLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted in Blitz , book tour , Dark Novel , LIVE , New Release , Uncategorized . Tagged Amazon , Barn & Nobel , Dark Novel , Ebook , Erotic Suspense , Erotica , Five Star , Goodreads , Kindle , Live , New Release , Romance , Suspense , Thriller Autumn Rising By Seth King : : Synopsis : : Autumn Mahal and Hank Basara know they should stay away from each other . Both recovering from the loss of a mutual friend , and each bearing scars of their own , they know their love would look like a worn cliché , a trite romance novel for teens , some crappy made - for - TV movie languishing on your great aunt 's DVR . But as summer gives way to September and flirtation leads to something deeper , they learn there are some types of love you cannot run from , no matter how hard you try to flee . Twenty - four - year - old Summer Johnson knows two things . The first is that due to a quickly worsening medical condition , she faces a risky surgery in three months ' time that may or may not end in her death . The second is that she would like to fall in love before then . Ben Bradley is a twenty - year - old student and aspiring MMA fighter with a dead - end day job and a desperate need for cash to help his disabled sister out of a tight spot . Grace Robinson is a lonely forty - something D . C . housewife who spends her time reading about red rooms of pain while her husband busies himself with the office interns . And with the arrival of a controversial new app called Hookd that matches attractive young men with powerful women willing to pay for their companionship , Ben and Grace soon find incredibly appealing - and risky - solutions to their problems . Share this : TwitterFacebookGoogleLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted in book tour , New Release . Tagged Amazon , Ebook , Goodreads , Kindle , Romance If I Were You Paperback GIVEAWAY & SALE ! * * This is book 1 in the INSIDE OUT series , previously published with a different cover . The INSIDE OUT series , is currently in development for TV with Suzanne Todd ( Alice in Wonderland , Must Love Dogs , The Boiler Room , Austin Powers and more ! ) . To read more about the show and to get ready for a BIG update soon , please visit the series page * * . One day I was a high school teacher on summer break , leading a relatively uneventful but happy life . Or so I told myself . Later , I 'd question that , as I would question pretty much everything I knew about me , my relationships , and my desires . It all began when my neighbor thrust a key to a storage unit at me . She 'd bought it to make extra money after watching some storage auction show . Now she was on her way to the airport to elope with a man she barely knew , and she needed me to clear out the unit before the lease expired . Soon , I was standing inside a small room that held the intimate details of another woman 's life , feeling uncomfortable , as if I was invading her privacy . Why had she let these items so neatly packed , possessions that she clearly cared about deeply , be lost at an auction ? Driven to find out by some unnamed force , I began to dig , to discover this woman 's life , and yes , read her journals - dark , erotic journals that I had no business reading . Once I started , I couldn 't stop . I read on obsessively , living out fantasies through her words that I 'd never dare experience on my own , compelled by the three men in her life , none of whom had names . I read onward until the last terrifying dark entry left me certain that something had happened to this woman . I had to find her and be sure she was okay . Before long , I was taking her job for the summer at the art gallery , living her life , and she was nowhere to be found . I was becoming someone I didn 't know . I was becoming her . Now , I am working at a prestigious gallery , where I have always dreamed of being , and I 've been delivered to the doorstep of several men , all of which I envision as one I 've read about in the journal . But there is one man that will call to me , that will awaken me in ways I never believed possible . That man is the ruggedly sexy artist , Chris Merit , who wants to paint me . He is rich and famous , and dark in ways I shouldn 't find intriguing , but I do . I so do . I don 't understand why his dark side appeals to me , but the attraction between us is rich with velvety promises of satisfaction . Chris is dark , and so are his desires , but I cannot turn away . He is damaged beneath his confident good looks and need for control , and in some way , I feel he needs me . I need him . All I know for certain is that he knows me like I don 't even know me , and he says I know him . Still , I keep asking myself - do I know him ? Did he know her , the journal writer , and where is she ? And why doesn 't it seem to matter anymore ? There is just him and me , and the burn for more . I am both charmed and embarrassed at the prospect he believes the extra wine has made me a helpless lush . Worse , it wouldn 't be an assumption completely without merit , and this night is exactly why I never let myself lose control . It always backfires . His hand appears in front of me , and I hold my breath , preparing for the impact of his touch , as I press my palm to his . He pulls me to my feet , onto the sidewalk beneath an awning , his hand settling possessively on my hip . The rich sensation of desire spreads through my limbs . I have never in my life reacted to a man this intensely . Behind me , I hear the car door shut , and the engine rev , before the 911 pulls away . " This doesn 't look like a place that serves pizza , " I comment , but I am not looking at the building . It is Chris who has my full attention . His long fingers curl around my neck , under my hair , and he lowers his mouth to my ear . " Be warned , Sara . I 'm no saint . If I take you upstairs , I 'm going to strip you naked and fuck you the way I 've wanted to since the moment we first met . " The shockingly bold words ripple through me , and I am instantly aroused , squeezing my thighs together . He has wanted to fuck me since we first met . I want him to fuck me . I want to fuck him . Yes . Fuck . I want to give myself permission to forget good , proper behavior and fuck and be fucked . Wild , hot , uncontrollable passion , with no worries during and regrets in the aftermath . I 've never let myself feel those things . When in my life have I ever experienced such a thing ? When has any man ever made me think I could ? He doesn 't immediately respond , and his expression is a mask of hard lines , his jaw set , tense . Slowly , his fingers slide from my neck to caress a path down my arm until his fingers lace intimately with mine . " Never say never , Sara , " he murmurs , and starts walking , pulling me with him . " Ma ' am , " he replies , and there is a slight shift in his gaze I 'm certain he doesn 't intend for me to notice , but I do . I read it as surprise at my presence , and I can only assume I am far from Chris 's normal choice in women . It isn 't hard for me to imagine Chris being a blond bombshell kind of man , and where I hadn 't felt insecure moments before , I suddenly do now . I am angry at myself for feeling such a thing when I 've promised myself no more self - doubt . When I crave the escape , the freedom , I was so close to experiencing only moments before . The elevator is right off the fancy lobby and past a security booth . Chris punches the button , and the doors open immediately . I follow him inside and watch as he keys in a code . The doors shut , and he pulls me hard against him . My hands settle on his hard chest , inside the line of his jacket , and warmth spreads through me . " What just happened ? " His hand brands my hip . The bell dings , and the doors begin to open . Chris wastes no time pulling me to the edge of the elevator , and I watch in surprise as a gorgeous living room appears before me , rather than a hallway . Chris has a private elevator , and I am entering his private world , a world very unlike my own . Chris releases my hand , our eyes lock , and I read the silent message in his . Enter by choice , without pressure . On some level I sense that once I enter his apartment , the decision to do so is going to change me . He is going to change me in some profound way I cannot begin to comprehend fully . I think he might know this , and I wonder why he would be so certain , what is etched with such clarity to him beneath the surface . He has misplaced doubts of me in this moment , as he 'd doubted me at the gallery . I can see it in his eyes , sense it in the air . I refuse to allow his lack of confidence in me , or anyone else 's for that matter , to dictate what I can or cannot do ever again . I 've been there , and I ended up on the sharp edge of a cliff , about to crash and burn . I 'd recovered , and I am beginning to see that locking myself in a shell of an existence isn 't healing . It 's hiding . Regardless of what happens at the gallery , I 'm done hiding . My heels touch the pale perfection of glossy hardwood floors , and I stop and stare at the breathtaking sight before me . Beyond the expensive leather furniture adorning a sunken living room with a massive fireplace in the left corner is a spectacular sight . There is a floor - to - ceiling window , a live pictorial of our city , spanning the entire length of the room . Spellbound , I walk forward , enchanted by the twinkling night lights and the haze surrounding the distant Golden Gate Bridge . I barely remember going down the few steps to the living area , or what the furniture I pass looks like . I drop my purse on the coffee table and stop at the window , resting my hands on the cool surface . We are above the city , untouchable , in a palace in the sky . How amazing it must be to live here and wake up to this view every day . Lights twinkling , almost as if they are talking to one another , laughing at me as they creep open a door to the hollow place inside me I 've rejected only moments before in the elevator . I swallow hard as the song " Broken " from the band Lifehouse fills the room , because Chris doesn 't know how personality is to me . I 'm falling apart . I 'm barely breathing . I 'm barely holding on to you . This song , this place with the words , and I am raw and exposed , as if cut and bleeding . Who was I kidding with the refusal to hide anymore ? This is why I 've hidden . The past begins to pulse to life within me , and I am seconds from remembering why I feel this way . I refuse to process the lyrics and shove them aside . I don 't want to remember . I can 't go there . I squeeze my eyes shut , trying to seal those old wounds , desperate to feel anything but their presence . " I am not the guy you take home to Mom and Dad , Sara . " His mouth is next to mine , his clean male scent all around me . " You need to know that right now . You need to know that won 't change . " But the song does change , and this time to another track on what must be a Lifehouse CD . " Nerve Damage " begins to play . I see through your clothes , your nerve damage shows . Trying not to feel . . . anything that 's real . I laugh bitterly at the words , and Chris pulls back to study me . And I am not blind to what I see in the depths of his green eyes , what I 've missed until now but sensed . He is as damaged as I am . We have too many of the wrong things in common to be more than sex , and the realization is freedom to me . I curve my fingers on the light stubble of his jaw , the rasp on my skin welcome , and I have no idea why I admit what I have never said out loud . " My mother is dead , and I hate my father , so don 't worry . You 're safe from family day and so am I . All I want is here and now , this piece of time . And please save the pillow talk for someone who wants it . Contrary to what you seem to think , I 'm no delicate rose . " A stunned look flashes on his face an instant before I press my lips to his . The answering moan I am rewarded with is white - hot fire in my blood that he answers with a deep , sizzling stroke of his tongue . He slants his mouth over mine , deepening the connection , kissing me with a fierceness no other man ever has , but then , Chris is like no other man I 've ever known . His tongue plays wickedly with mine , and I meet him stroke for stroke , arching into him , telling him I am here and present and I 'm going nowhere . In reply to my silent declaration , his hand cups my ass and he pulls me solidly against his erection . Arching into him , I welcome the intimate connection , burn for the moment he will be inside me . My hand presses between us and I stroke the hard line of his shaft . Chris tears his mouth from mine , pressing me hard against the window , and I know I 've threatened his control . Me . Little schoolteacher Sara McMillan . Our eyes lock , hot flames dancing between us and some unidentifiable challenge . Some part of me realizes the window behind me is glass , and all things glass can break . He knows this , too , it 's in the dark glint of his eyes , and he wants me to worry about it . He 's pushing me , testing me , trying to get me to break . Because I slid beneath his composure ? Because he really believes I am out of my league ? And maybe I am , but not tonight . Tonight , as the song has said , I am broken , and for the first time perhaps ever , I am not denying the truth of all of my cracks . I am living them . I lift my chin and let him see my answering rebellion . His fingers curl at the top of my silk blouse and in a sharp pull , material rips and the buttons all the way down pop and clamor in all directions . I gasp , in unfamiliar territory , and burning alive with the ache I have for this man . He turns me to the window , and my hands flatten on the glass . Wasting no time , Chris unhooks my bra , and it and my blouse are off my shoulders in moments . He is behind me again , his thick erection fit snugly to my backside . My pulse jumps wildly and adrenaline surges . I 've been ordered around during sex , but in a clinical , bend over and give me what I want kind of way I tried to convince myself was hot . It wasn 't . I hated every second , every instance , and I 'd endured it . This is different though , erotic in a way I 've never experienced , enticingly full of promise . My body is sensitized , pulsing with arousal . I am hot where Chris is touching me and cold where he isn 't . When he seems satisfied I 'll comply with his orders , Chris slowly caresses a path down my arms , and then up and down my sides , brushing the curves of my breasts . He 's in no hurry , but I am . I am literally quivering by the time his hands cover my breasts , welcoming the way he squeezes them roughly , before tugging on my nipples . I gasp with the pinching sensation he repeats over and over , creating waves of pleasure verging on pain , and the music is fading away , and so is the past . There is pleasure in pain . The words come back to me , and this time they resonate . I quiver inside at the erotic command , surprised again by how enticed I am by this game we are playing . " Just remember , " I warn , still panting , still burning for his touch . " Payback is hell . " Share this : TwitterFacebookGoogleLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted in book tour , Giveaway , LIVE . Tagged Barn & Nobel , Ebook , Five Star , Giveaway , Goodreads , Kindle , Live , Romance , Thriller THE EMANCIPATION OF LOVE a dark novel by Mary E . Palmerin As Welch pushes an unlikely woman to the brink , he is surprised at her eagerness as she gives him what he longs for . Punishment , pain , and pleasure . He becomes enveloped by the demons of his past , the torment of his current , and the ghost in his mind that he refuses to part from . * * Graphic content warning including sexual degradation , emotional abuse , adult situations , and unconventional sexual practices that are intended for mature audiences only . Not suitable for readers under the age of eighteen . Reader discretion is highly advised . * * * Just as I contemplated taking a knife to my wrists , there are those that are doing that now . They throw themselves into the pits of darkness because wallowing in a sea of hatred has become too goddamn much for them . Victoria was one of them . Suddenly , that lump in my throat is tightening and it is getting harder and harder to breathe . The sunrise of joy that I also craved to see as I put the disgust and danger behind me is almost as frightening as the final farewell to the constant pain . The glutton who wants discomfort will never alter what he needs . That is me . It is embedded in my body , every cell of my being . The masochism that I love to loathe clings onto me forever . I am a dangerous man and my life is destined for bad things . I feel it in my stomach as it clenches . My mind travels through time again as I stare Victoria in the face . All I want is one last smile while the face of her ghost haunts me , making my heart shatter into a trillion shards that will never be put back together , no matter how well Gwendolyn tries . I can certainly attempt to make her think that I am a changed man . She does make me feel more normal than I will ever be , but I must face that I am a player in the game that I hated so much . The last days of Victoria Matthews were filled with rape , torture , brutal violence , and sadness as I sit before a fucking picture box doting over the memories that I kept track of . Inside I hold the last known picture of her and I want to show it off . For what ? That 's where 17 - year - old Gwendolyn Fitzpatrick found herself ; surrounded by wicked fiends after everything she thought she had was gone in the blink of an eye . She was shuffled away with one bag of memories miles away to a pair of foster parents that hardly had her best interests at hand . Forced to obey and listen to her caregiver 's commands , Gwendolyn buries her old self and focuses on the pain to become one of them . Mary E . Palmerin is 27 years old and resides in Indiana . She is married , has two small boys and usually has her nose in a good book when she isn 't writing . She has been writing since she was a young girl , scribbling fairy tales down on notebook paper , creating poetry through her teen years , and many shorts in between , all of which she has kept . Mary enjoys telling tales that are both raw and real , seeing it as a gift to be able to evoke various emotions from her readers .
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Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > When Skies Are GraySo Close and Still So Far by ipanicdaily 4 reviewsGerard 's birthday ! He gets a sudden surprise . . . much to Frank 's horror . - big grin - Category : My Chemical Romance - Rating : PG - 13 - Genres : Drama , Humor , Romance - Characters : Bob Bryar , Frank Iero , Gerard Way , Mikey Way , Ray Toro - Published : 2008 - 11 - 11 - Updated : 2008 - 11 - 11 - 3849 words - Complete0Unrated ❮ Story Index1 . When Skies Are Gray2 . All The Smiles That Are Ever Gonna . . . 3 . Ok To Be Gay4 . What Lyes Beneath5 . Here In Your Perfect Eyes6 . In This Pool Of Blood7 . Shut Your Eyes , Kiss Me Good - Bye8 . My Way Home Is Through You9 . Parceque Tu Es Mon Enfant10 . Because You Love Me11 . Never Gonna Catch Me12 . Down and Out13 . Just Hold Me Tight14 . I Mean This , Forever15 . All I Want For Christmas Is You16 . Holding On To Me So Tight17 . I 'd End My Day 's With You18 . I 'm the One That You Loathe19 . So Close and Still So Far20 . You what ? ! 21 . Simply Meant To Be22 . Baby Get Out While You Can ❯ Frank opened his eyes to see he was in , well he really didn 't know where . There was really nothing around him that he could make out ; just mostly darkness . When he had gone to sleep , Frank was in Gerard 's arms as usual but now he was alone in a place that gave him a very uneasy feeling . Trying to figure out where he was , Frank began to walk through the darkness , unaware of where he was going because the darkness only led to more darkness . Then he saw this bright , somewhat glowing light . Drawing towards the light , he felt warmth and joy . It was her . " Dahlia ? ! " Frank half yelled to the glowing figure before him . She smiled and nodded , extending an arm to him . He took it and she pulled him up to the ledge she stood on , putting her arms tightly around him . " I want to say how happy I am to see you , " Frank said hugging her back , " but I 'm afraid to . " " Don 't worry Frank . " Dahlia 's voice was the female equivalent of Gerard 's ; heavenly , sweet , and perfect in every way . " You 're fine . " Frank sighed with relief knowing that he wasn 't half dead like he was when he first met Dahlia . " I came to warn you . " " Warn me ? " He became very confused . " Warn me of what ? " Her eyes were filled with pain yet they were relaxing and Frank only tensed up slightly . " Stay home today . " She told him quietly and he only became more confused . " Don 't go anywhere . " " Why ? " He held tightly to Dahlia 's hand . " Dahlia , what 's wrong ? " She was avoiding telling him some vital piece of information that was really making him worry . " I can 't tell you that . " Dahlia said miserably . " I 'm not even supposed to be here right now . I could lose my wings . " A tear rolled down her soft cheek so Frank wiped it away . " But I had to warn you . " " Thank you . " Frank told her compassionately knowing that she put her life on the line for him . " I 'll stay home . " " Not so much you , " she mumbled , " but Gerard . Don 't let him go anywhere . " Frank 's uneasy feeling grew even more as he stared at her . The warm feeling seemed like it was quickly fading away . " What will happen to him ? " Frank asked and she shook her head in fear . " Please tell me . " He held tightly to Dahlia 's hand , looking into her eyes with fear and severe concern . " I love him , Dahlia . I want to protect him . " " That 's why you need to keep him home . " Dahlia repeated , more frantically than before . " Well it 's his birthday . That 's not going to be easy . " He said knowing that they had planned to go to Gerard 's parents for dinner . There was no way Frank could tell Gerard they couldn 't go because he was afraid of what might happen if they left the house . Frank had gotten over that fear , months , if not a year , ago and he couldn 't just suddenly develop it again . " Try your best . " She spoke with desperation . " If he leaves , he might not return . " " What ? ! " Frank said and Dahlia began to fade away . " Dahlia , wait ! Please ! You have to tell me ! " " I 'm still watching over you Frankie . " She called before he vanished completely , leaving Frank all alone in the darkness . He fell to his knees , crying , as he thought about what she said . ' If he leaves , he might not return . ' Frank didn 't want that to happen because it meant that Gerard would die . He couldn 't begin to imagine being able to survive without Gerard . Frank knew if he lost Gerard he would give up hope on life , end up in a downward spiral , and probably committing suicide . " Please . . . " he called out through tears , hoping Dahlia would return . She didn 't though . " Please . . . " Frank shut his eyes and a few moments later he felt the oh - so - familiar feeling of suffocating . When he opened his eyes again , he realized he was back in the bedroom , tightly held by Gerard . Slight relief came over Frank as he clung tightly to his fiancé ; his one and only love . There was no way he was going to let anything happen to him . They had to take care of each other . Frank laid like that for a few minutes before he suddenly felt nauseous so he got up and went to the bathroom where he did throw up a few times . After , he felt a lot better , and concluded it was because he got so upset about what Dahlia had told him . Frank brushed his teeth to get the retched taste gone then splashed some cold water on his face to wake himself up , before going to back to Gerard to wake him up . It was Gerard 's birthday and he couldn 't wait to celebrate . " Happy birthday ! " Frank yelled loudly and Gerard fell off the bed with shock . Gerard moaned on the carpet since he had hit his head on the table when he fell . Frank sat on the bed , laughing hysterically , gasping for breath as his face turned red . " How 'd that feel ? " " Fuck you . " Gerard said miserably , sitting up and rubbing his head . " What time is it ? " He yawned and leaned his head against the bed , shutting his eyes . " No you don 't ! " Frank pulled the pillow from Gerard 's head and threw it across the room . Gerard just stuck his arms under his head , closing his eyes again and slowly drifting to sleep . " Come on ! " Frank whined as Gerard ignored him . " I wanna celebrate ! " " It 's seven am . I 'm tired . " Gerard mumbled . " There 's still like seventeen hours left in the day . " " That 's barely enough ! " Gerard shrugged so Frank stood up then jumped onto Gerard . " Now I think my ribs are broken . " He said painfully as Frank got off . " Go amuse yourself . " Gerard pulled the blanket over his head . Frank knew Gerard wasn 't a morning person but today he was being awful . " I 'll get up at noon . " " It 's not my first and I doubt it will be my last . " Frank shut his eyes tightly to block the dream he had from flowing through his mind . He had to keep Gerard home , just in case . Letting him sleep would accomplish that , but Frank wanted to celebrate too ; plus there was no way Frank could amuse himself for five hours . Not wanting to tell Gerard about the dream , Frank used the one thing he knew would get Gerard up even if he felt bad for doing it . " Asshole . " Gerard told him miserably , pushing the blanket back . " And don 't say that . " He got off the bed and headed for the kitchen to make coffee ; Frank following him proudly , smiling with satisfaction . " Don 't wake anyone else . " Gerard warned Frank as he prepared the coffee . Bob , Mikey , and Ray stayed the night , ( which they did probably once a week from either band stuff or just to hang out ) , since it was Gerard 's birthday . Though it cost more , Gerard had bought the house with a good amount of furniture left in it because he figured they would have people over a lot and he didn 't feel like hunting for stuff . Frank rolled his eyes then set the cup on the table for it to cool a bit . " What else ? " Gerard shrugged , continuing to drink his coffee . " Well I know I can 't top Christmas . " Frank said and Gerard gently shook his head with a smile . " How about staying home ? I really don 't feel like going anywhere . " " You know we 're going to my parents for dinner . " Gerard set the mostly empty cup on the table . Frank really didn 't feel like arguing but he was afraid of what Dahlia had told him . " Can 't they come here ? " He suggested . " Or we could go there tomorrow or something . . . " Frank mumbled , staring at the coffee in front of him . The last thing he wanted was Gerard to be mad at him , especially on Gerard 's birthday , but he wasn 't giving it up . Gerard looked at Frank with concern . " Frankie , what 's wrong ? " He asked quietly . " Nothing . " Frank lied and Gerard knew it was a lie . " I just really don 't want to go anywhere today . " He was quickly trying to think of excuses . " I just want to spend the day with you to celebrate . " " Well they 're my family too babe . " Gerard told him , finishing the remaining coffee he had . " They want to spend the day with me too . " Frank sighed heavily from his futile attempts to convince Gerard otherwise . " So will you tell me what 's really wrong ? " To Frank 's relief , Bob and Mikey suddenly stumbled down the stairs to get coffee like sharks to blood . The smell just made something inside their minds snap as they knew they had to have it . Gerard gave Frank that ' this isn 't over ' look while the two went into the kitchen , Bob falling down in a chair at the table while Mikey went to the pot . Mikey sat down between Frank and Bob , handing him a cup . " Birthday . . . happy . . . you . . . " Mikey mumbled sleepily to Gerard , unable to make a complete , logical sentence out of his jumbled thoughts . " So . . . fucking . . . early . . . . " Bob mumbled before his head fell onto the table . Gerard laughed while Mikey rubbed Bob 's back to keep him awake . " Why ? " " And you 're still not ! " Frank hit Gerard . " It 's your birthday and we 're going to celebrate ! So get up ! " Obeying , Gerard stood up then went to the living room where he fell onto the couch and shut his eyes again . Mikey laughed a little as he tried to keep Bob awake , knowing how much of a pain his brother could be in the morning . Frank stood up sighing , then went into the living room to try some more . He was being extremely difficult so Frank figured it was payback for giving Gerard serious issues a few days ago about coughing . " Gerard . . . " Frank said in a quiet , seductive kind of tone as he knelt by the couch . He ran his hand down Gerard 's back only to have Gerard turn his head towards the back of the couch , eyes still shut . Sighing again , Frank knew the only way he was going to keep Gerard awake was with desperate measures . He reached one arm over Gerard then slid his hand underneath him , Frank 's doing the same with his other arm until both were wrapped around Gerard . Slowly he pulled his arms down , his hands sliding along Gerard 's stomach towards his waist . " Frankie . . . " Gerard mumbled into the couch as Frank 's hands slid down the front of him . " Yes ? " Frank smiled , knowing that he was indeed getting Gerard to reconsider sleeping . " Not until your lazy ass stays awake . " Gerard moaned but stayed exactly how he was so Frank resumed his actions , his hands reaching the elastic of Gerard 's boxers . Just then Ray came down the stairs and headed to the kitchen , stopping and looking at Frank with confusion . " Do I want to know ? " He asked sleepily and Frank shook his head with a smile . " Didn 't think so . " Ray yawned then went to the kitchen to join the other two . " Now I only have to worry about waking you up . " Frank whispered to Gerard , tugging slightly at his boxers . He wouldn 't pull them down in front of everyone , today , but he wasn 't going to tell Gerard that . " Go away Frankie . " Gerard told him miserably . " Go play with the others and celebrate my birthday for me . " " Why won 't you get up ? " Frank was becoming frustrated . " Well I 'm not ! " He sat on top of Gerard heavily . " This is what you get for making me lay down constantly over the past week ! " " Because you were sick and needed it . " Gerard shifted himself underneath Frank , his rips already sore from when Frank jumped on him earlier . " Now I do . " " I 'll always be sick ! " Frank was getting mad at Gerard . " I have no idea how long I 'll live because I 'm fucking sick with this wretched disease that will never go away ! " He tried not to raise his voice because he didn 't want the others to get involved . Frank didn 't like how he and Gerard couldn 't seem to handle their own problems with each other without Ray or Bob or Mikey getting involved . Gerard sighed , Frank knowing he finally won . Frank got off Gerard who sat up then pulled Frank to him . " You 're going to live a long life . " He said kissing Frank . " A long life in this house with me by your side . " Frank smiled happily as he kissed Gerard back , wrapping his arms around Gerard with satisfaction . He knew that talking about not know when he would die , which did scare him every day , always got his way . Frank didn 't do it often because he knew it upset Gerard but he was desperate to get Gerard 's lazy ass up , and stay up . " So how do you see our day ? " He put his arms around Frank . " Since I doubt I 'll be getting sleep anytime soon . " Gerard smiled while Frank nodded , running his hands back to Gerard 's boxers . " That , " Gerard pulled Frank 's hands back up , " We 'll save for later . " Frank pouted as his hands were pulled back up . " Listen you misbehaving brat ; my birthday , my rules . " " Fine . " He said as he crossed his arms . " But tomorrow , " Frank gave Gerard and enticing smile , " we do what I want . " " As we do every day . " Gerard laughed and Frank nodded happily . He always got his way so he figured Gerard could at least have his birthday . Frank wasn 't giving up his quest to keep them both home though . Gerard looked to the kitchen then back at Frank . " I think we should stop ignoring our guests . " " Be nice . " He said before prying Frank off him so he could go to the kitchen . Gerard barely made it into the chair at the table before Frank was in his lap again . Bob , Mikey , and Ray were carrying on a conversation , ignoring what was going on in the living room . " So , " Gerard interrupted , putting his arms around Frank to hold him close , " What am I being subjected to today ? " " I just told you ; tonight . " Frank whined so Gerard hit him again , only making Frank whine more . " I have other people to have torture me for the day . " He told Frank who continued to pout . " You always save best for last . " Gerard told Frank with a smile and Frank couldn 't help but laugh . " All I know is mom and dad want you at their house for dinner . " Mikey said trying to keep things from going too far since everyone knew that one inappropriate thing always lead to another with Frank and Gerard . " We 're staying here all day . " Frank 's tone became stern . " They can come here for dinner . " Everyone but Gerard looked at him with confusion . Gerard knew something was wrong because normally Frank liked going places . He just held onto Frank while the others had no idea what was going on . " Why do you want to stay home all day ? " Bob asked . " You 're usually the first to push us all out the door . " " Don 't overreact . " Gerard whispered to Frank before he flipped out on everyone . " I just do . " He said coldly , trying not to get too upset . He didn 't think it was anyone 's business . Frank figured he had the right to have the day to spend with Gerard in their own house since they were engaged after all . " Do you have a problem with that ? " " Go sit in the bedroom . " Gerard told Frank before things got worse . " I 'll be there in a minute to talk to you . " He spoke firmly to Frank who sighed and got off Gerard 's lap then headed to the bedroom . " What was that about ? " Ray asked when they heard the door shut with a little force . " I have no idea . " Gerard told them with a little sigh . " He 's been telling me all morning that we 're not leaving the house . " He looked to the bedroom then back at everyone . " I think he had a bad dream or something . " " Like how bad ? " Mikey asked concerned . They all worried about Frank ; treating him like their younger brother . " I 'm not sure . " Gerard said quietly . " But he woke up really early , sweaty and his heart going pretty fast . I didn 't want him to know I woke up so I kept as still as I could . His grip tightened around me then he went to the bathroom where I heard him throw up a few times . " " Is he sick ? " Bob asked , joining Mikey 's expression of concern . " I don 't think so . " Gerard told them . " I 've been after him the past week about that . " He smiled slightly as he thought about how he fought all week with Frank about resting and taking medication . " Whatever it was though really freaked him out . " " What should we do ; or you do ? " Ray asked quietly . " Things don 't go well when he 's freaking out . " They all nodded because Frank was a fragile person . That 's why Gerard worried about him so much . " I really don 't want to stay in the house all day so I 'll see what I can do to get him to relax about that . " Gerard stood . " I 'm going to try and figure out what 's wrong too . " " We 'll head out then . " Bob told Gerard . " Leave you two alone . " " Let us know what you find out . " Mikey said and Gerard nodded as he headed to the bedroom while everyone else went back up stairs to get their stuff . He knew they were all just as worried about Frank as he was and he really needed to know what was wrong so he could try and make it better . Pushing the door open , Gerard went into the bedroom then shut the door behind him again . Frank was sprawled across the bed , staring at the ceiling . " Now , " Gerard said as he went to the bed and sat down , " tell me what the fuck is wrong . " He pulled Frank close to him , sitting Frank in his lap again . " I don 't understand why we can 't just spend the day together in our own house . " Frank lied to him again . Gerard didn 't like that Frank didn 't feel comfortable telling him the truth but he really didn 't feel like pushing the matter . " I mean we are supposed to get married some day . " He said quietly . " My family wants to celebrate with me too babe . " Gerard told him calmly . " We have tomorrow , the next day , and every day after that where we can sit in the house and be alone . " Frank started to cry slightly and Gerard was starting to get really worried . He had no idea why Frank was pushing the matter of staying inside the house so much . " Why don 't you want to leave ? " " Frankie ! Come back . " Gerard told him but Frank didn 't listen and shut then locked the bathroom door , leaning against the door and sliding to the floor where he cried some more . It hurt him that Gerard couldn 't be happy by spending the day alone with him without having some extraordinarily valid reason . " Please tell me what 's bothering you Frankie . " Gerard sat on the other side of the door . " I want to help you . " " Then promise me you 'll stay home . " Frank said coldly . " Why won 't you tell me why you want me to stay home so bad ? " There was frustration in Gerard 's voice . " I know you 're not telling me what 's really wrong . " Frank sighed . That was the downside to being madly in love with someone . A bond formed and it was as though you became one person ; you could always tell when the other was lying or when something was upset . " Why can 't you just trust me ? " " I can . " Gerard said with assurance . " But I 'm really worried about you baby . " Frank wiped his eyes again , choking a bit . " I don 't want whatever is bothering you to tear you apart . " Gerard was very tempted to break the door down because he was really worried and didn 't want Frank to do stupid things in the bathroom either . He tried not to bring that up though because Frank was upset enough . " Look , if you want to stay home , we will . " Frank smiled as he calmed himself down . " But please tell me what 's wrong . " By the time Gerard got Frank out of the bathroom , it was just about noon . He held Gerard tightly , still not telling Gerard what was really wrong . They laid on the bed for awhile , silent and holding each other tightly , Frank upset that he had ruined Gerard 's birthday . " Can I at least go to my car and grab something ? " Gerard asked after they spent about an hour on the bed . Frank figured that would be fine because it was right outside the house . He nodded and Gerard got up , threw a shirt and pants on , then headed for the door . " I 'll be fine . " He whispered to Frank who held him tightly , making it difficult to walk . " I love you . " He kissed Frank 's head and smiled . " I 'll be back in like five seconds . " Frank smiled as he sat on the couch . Gerard shut the door behind him to keep the cold air from getting into their warm house . Frank sat on the couch , taking deep breaths to prevent himself from over reacting . He began to count quietly to himself as he waited for Gerard to return . He knew it would be longer than the five seconds Gerard told him but he decided to see if he could get to five before Gerard returned , only so he could tease Gerard about it after . one . . . two . . . three . . . four . . . bang ! Frank 's heart stopped as a loud gunshot echoed outside . A / N - - - - DUN DUN DUN DUN ! ! ! ! - big cheesy grin - WHAT HAPPENED OUTSIDE ? ! O : I guess you 'll just have to wait to find out . ❮ Story Index1 . When Skies Are Gray2 . All The Smiles That Are Ever Gonna . . . 3 . Ok To Be Gay4 . What Lyes Beneath5 . Here In Your Perfect Eyes6 . In This Pool Of Blood7 . Shut Your Eyes , Kiss Me Good - Bye8 . My Way Home Is Through You9 . Parceque Tu Es Mon Enfant10 . Because You Love Me11 . Never Gonna Catch Me12 . Down and Out13 . Just Hold Me Tight14 . I Mean This , Forever15 . All I Want For Christmas Is You16 . Holding On To Me So Tight17 . I 'd End My Day 's With You18 . I 'm the One That You Loathe19 . So Close and Still So Far20 . You what ? ! 21 . Simply Meant To Be22 . Baby Get Out While You Can ❯ Sign up to rate and review this story
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Did you watch The Oscars last night ? Hubs and I managed to see almost all of the nominated movies this year which I think is a first . We missed Winter Bone and in fact I 'd never heard of it until the awards rolled around . And we skipped 127 hours because watching someone ' trapped ' for that length of time would make me hyperventilate . But we did watch the show last night and here are my thoughts in no particular order - 1 . Natalie Portman is stunning . 2 . Reese Witherspoon = adorable . She looked a little bit like a Barbie Doll but in a good way . 3 . I enjoyed the opening number . . . they spoofed the nominated movies in a very clever way . 4 . The hosts were eh . 5 . But Anne Hathaway looks amazing in absolutely everything she wears . How does she breathe in this one ? 6 . Some of the winners should just say thanks and move along Melissa Leo . I loved her in The Fighter but dropping the big bad word in her acceptance speech at the Oscars was eww . 7 . Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis presented an award together . I loved her dress but had no clue what all their banter was about . I think I might be old . 8 . Who knew Zachary Levi could sing ? 9 . Gwynneth Paltrow has really grown on me this year . 10 . My pick for Best Picture was Best Picture . . . if you haven 't seen The King 's Speech you should . So , did you watch ? Did you have a favorite dress ? A least favorite dress ? Hollywood is so full of themselves sometimes I can hardly stand it . But I enjoy going to the movies and I thought there were some really wonderful films last year . And I do love beautiful clothes . And its a rainy Monday morning here . . . since I did my weekend recap yesterday what else is there to talk about today ? It 's Friday and I was out on the town last night which means I 'm too tired to get creative and am going with a list of all the swirly thoughts that are in my head this morning . Well , not all of them . You 're welcome . 1 . I was out on the town last night . Did I already say that ? By ' out on the town ' I mean I was back in NYC . I was in a restaurant though , not a nightclub , but that 's pretty much what ' out on the town ' means if we 're talking about me . Hubs had a dinner with some work colleagues and originally it was going to be just the work people but then spouses and significant others were added to the mix so I was included . We met at his office and trekked back into the city for a fabulous meal at a wonderful Indian restaurant called Tamarind . We used to eat Indian food at least once a week when we lived in the UK . Sadly there is no Indian food in our little NJ town . Boo . Do you like Indian food ? When I ask people that question they usually have a yes or no response . There 's not a lot of middle ground on this one . I love it and so do my girls and the hubs . I like spicy but not nuclear . Daughter1 is the same . Daughter2 prefers hers more on the mild side . Then there is hubs - it 's hard to make something too hot for my hubs . He orders spicy with a side of chopped green chilies . Owners of Indian restaurants seem to admire and appreciate this . 2 . I see why NYC commuters are ' cranky ' . The traffic . Holy moly ! We were chugging right along but as we approached the Lincoln Tunnel things began to slow . And bottleneck . And annoy . About a mile from the tunnel our GPS informed us we would arrive at our destination at 6 : 08 . It was currently 5 : 56 . I thought , ' Wow - we 're going to be so early . ' Ha . The Lincoln Tunnel is a mile and a half long . At 6 : 48 we were still not thru the tunnel . Bother . We were finally parked and walking into the restaurant about fifteen minutes prior to our 7 : 30 reservation . I cannot imagine making the commute in and out of the city every . single . day . Yet . . . several million people do . . . and we should not wonder that it sometimes makes themPosted by I spent yesterday with some friends in NYC . We had plans to take the walking tour of Grand Central Terminal , plans which of course included a nice lunch out . FYI - most of my plans include lunch out . I 'm thankful to have friends who don 't mind driving into the city . I could do it if pressed and I 'd be fine I think up until we hit the squeeze play at the entrance to the Lincoln Tunnel which , in a split second , requires the exact correct proportion of patience and aggression . The weather cooperated as much as we could hope for in February and although it was a ridiculous 20 something degrees when we headed out the sun was shining brightly and that makes all the difference in a day . If you 're in NYC I recommend the tour . It 's a self guided audio tour and the cost is $ 5 for adults which has to be one of the most reasonable things to do in all of NYC . The building itself is beautiful and full of so many wonderful bits of history , architecture and of course , food . Grand Central Terminal was built in 1913 by shipping and railroad hotshot Cornelius Vanderbilt ( not by himself , of course ) . The Vanderbilt symbol was the acorn and the oak leaf and you see both of those incorporated into different pieces throughout the building . The terminal was nearly demolished back in the late sixties when rail travel became less popular and hundreds of homeless folks began making their home inside this ginormous building . Thankfully the terminal was saved , primarily thru the efforts of The Landmark Preservation Commission with a little help along the way from Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis . Today it is positively hopping with over 700 , 000 people passing thru its doors every single day . New York is just full of people , people . The main terminal area with its massive ceiling and beautiful staircases is definitely worth a look . Windows dominate the room and are interesting . . . they 're double sided and actually have walkways between the two panes of glass . These chandeliers were almost tossed until someone had the bright idea to have them cleaned and it Joyce Welcome to this week 's edition of Wednesday Hodgepodge . Link your post at the bottom of this one and then add the button or a link back here to your own blog so the party goers can find us . Here we go - 1 . Did you know there is a national day of pretty much everything in the universe ? Feb 23rd happens to be National Inconvenience Yourself Day . . . when was the last time you were inconvenienced ? My answer is long and it will inconvenience you to read it but you should read it anyway - Two weekends ago hubs and I purchased a floor lamp in a mall just over half an hour from our house . We got it all the way home and knew right away it was wrong for the space . Why don 't I carry pictures of my house on my phone ? Hubs wants to know the answer to that too . Anyway , I had to return it and and the box was heavy and awkward and that much too long and that much too wide so I couldn 't carry it under my arm . I lugged it thru the parking lot and down a set of stairs and then pushed it thru the mall for what felt like miles . Upon arriving at the shop I realized I didn 't have the card we 'd used to pay so I had to call hubs who was not answering his mobile . This meant I had to phone him at work to get the card number but for some reason I had his UK office number in my phone instead of his NJ office . Why ? ? ? Who knows ? Maybe its because I 'm so organized and on top of things . Anyway , I phoned Daughter1 who didn 't answer and then phoned Daughter2 who had to hang up and look in her phone and in the end it didn 't matter because when I finally dialed hubs office he of course he was in a meeting and wasn 't answering . The saleslady proceeded to give me a store credit but just as she finished entering all the info and swiping a gift card hubs got one of my fifteen messages and called me back . His first words were - ' Are you okay ? ' I think my inconvenience was showing . At this point the very nice sales lady tore up the store credit and put it on our card as we originally wanted and alls well that ends well , right ? 2 . When a room in your house needs painPosted by Who else hates it when they mistakenly hit publish instead of save while creating posts in Blogger ? I do that about once a week and its super annoying . Hubs and I went to see the film Unknown yesterday and I 've decided that should I have any run - ins with foreign or domestic intelligence agencies I 'd like to have Liam Neeson watching my back . It was intense . And if you need someone to drive you a fair distance in reverse he 's your guy . While I 'm on the subject of intelligence agencies , last week I had my fingerprints and FBI background check done as part of the process for obtaining my sub certificate in this state . I haven 't been fingerprinted since I worked back in the 90 's and may I just say the procedure is much improved . First of all - no ink . You just lay your fingertips on the computer screen and voila , your prints are captured . When I was last fingerprinted , many moons ago in another state , I had to actually go into the police station to have them done . While I was mid - fingerprint , with ink I might add , a criminal was brought into the station house and began creating quite the ruckus . Technically he hadn 't been labeled ' criminal ' at that point , but he behaved like one . Anyway , the officer taking my prints informed me he 'd be right back , that his assistance was needed with the ruckus , and in the meantime he would need to lock me in the fingerprinting room until they managed to get the ' alleged perpetrator ' under control . They definitely could have used Liam Neesen . Just sayin ' - And now , here are the questions for this week 's Wednesday Hodgepodge . . . . see you back here tomorrow to link answers . 1 . Did you know there is a National Day of pretty much everything in the universe ? February 23 happens to be National Inconvenience Yourself Day . . . when was the last time you were inconvenienced ? 2 . When a room in your house needs painting who does the job ? 3 . Are you friends with your cousins ? 4 . Do you use an alarm clock ? If yes - is it an actual alarm , music , or something else ? 5 . What do you put ketchup on ? 6 . What smells makeJoyce So how are you celebrating the birthdays of two American presidents ? We celebrated by painting our guest room this weekend . You need to remember that on this blog when I use the pronoun ' we ' in reference to home maintenance chores 99 % of the time I 'm referring to hubs . I cheered him on though . And stayed out of the way . Mostly . My preferred method of staying out of the way is to leave town when he paints . Truthfully I think this is his preferred method too because I just can 't help but check up on him and offer food and drinks and cleanup assistance . I also like to chatter and he likes to focus and it 's possible he finds my chatter distracting . Not in a good way either . Hubs is an excellent painter . He doesn 't enjoy the job but he 's super particular and also super neat . The same cannot be said of some of the professional painters we 've used in the past and fyi - hubs is not a professional painter , he just plays one at home . ' We ' painted the guest room a Benjamin Moore color called Ladyfinger . We already have this color in our hallways and sun room and I really like it . . . subtle , warm and very livable . I had been looking for a ' Poppy painting ' ever since we moved into this house and I finally found one while visiting my mom a while back . It 's a little hard to tell from this stellar photo but the colors do match the bedding we have in this room . When I see poppies I think of our back garden in the UK and the amazing poppies that bloomed there every year . Makes me happy . . . Makes her happy too . We still need to sort out the night stands and lighting and hang a mirror and blah blah blah . . . is a room ever completely finished ? In other exciting Presidential Birthday Weekend celebrating , I continued my attempts at preparing healthy lower fat meals . Raise your hand if you 're tired of eating the same old thing ? If you 're not eating beef or pasta and your hubs doesn 't like the smell of fish cooked indoors then you 're pretty much eating a whole lotta chicken and a whole lotta salads . Chicken is okay and I love salads but even I 'm gettingPosted by After posting the video yesterday of the Today show circa 1994 and thinking a lot about Katie Couric 's hairdo I thought it would be fun to see what we were doing in 1994 . I mean if we weren 't on the internet how in the world were we filling up all those many minutes in our day ? 1994 was the year Seinfeld first aired , the year OJ Simpson drove a White Bronco , and the year Sheryl Crow had the # 1 song - All I Wanna Do is Have Some Fun . So what was going on with my little family way back when ? For starters , we moved that year . Shocking ! We started out the year living in NJ and ended the year living in Maryland . You 're impressed with our landscaping , aren 't you ? Actually , it was a brand new house and we did landscape once we were settled . We did a good job too . And by ' we ' you know I mean the hubs , right ? Except for my crazy impatiens . I can grow some impatiens y ' all . And no this is not 1994 but that bed was full of impatiens like this every year once we moved in . Judging from our photos I guess not a lot happened between January and May of 1994 or if it did we didn 't take pictures . Daughter1 was a sweet kindergartner and before we moved out of NJ we had a birthday party with her friends there . . . . here she is with her bestest buddy back in the day - And here they are today . . . Life is sometimes oh so funny . I was reminded of a few things as I looked thru our photos . For one , daughter1 's birthday was at least a month long . Apparently turning six was a big deal in our house that year . . . Here are daughters 1 and 2 with # 1 cousin in between . Which brings me to something else I remembered about 1994 . . . Do you see that stinker on the end wearing the cute blue dress and the cheeky grin ? Yeah , her . Well back in ' 94 let 's just say there were more than a few days I questioned whether or not I 'd survive to tell the tale of her toddlerhood . Positively too adorable for words but oh my word - the mischief and the hijinks and the have no fear that child brought into our everyday life . . . And the laughter . . . Can 't forget the laughter . Of course I know whatPosted by So glad you joined the fun today ! Add a link to your post at the bottom of mine and do be sure to visit your neighbors . 1 . Your favorite chocolate treat ? Such a hard question right off the bat . . . I am going to say German Chocolate cake which combines my love of chocolate with my love of coconut . 2 . What more than anything else makes you feel loved ? Being treated with kindness and respect . Having my strengths acknowledged and encouraged and my weaknesses forgiven . 3 . Cherries or blueberries ? Why are the food questions so hard for me ? I love them both and I eat a lot of blueberries . I have them on my cereal almost every morning . And I love blueberry pancakes except hold the pancake and just give me the blueberries . Sadly pancakes aren 't on my diet . It seems like we get blueberries practically year round now but we don 't get fresh cherries very often . I 'm picturing a bowl of fresh cherries eaten outside on a sunny day and I like that picture . And dried cherries are my newest obsession so I think I 'm going to say cherries . 4 . What is the one trait you most want the leader of your country to posses ? Integrity - I want that person to have a moral core . I can disagree with a leader 's politics yet be supportive if I feel like they are a man / woman of integrity . I have no respect for those who bend whichever way the political wind blows . 5 . Are you a saver or a spender ? Here 's the thing - it 's hard to be a spender when you are paying university tuition . Unless of course you count buying an education as ' spending ' . Here 's the other thing - it 's hard to be a saver when you are paying university tuition . Unless you count putting all your pennies in the bank to pay for your children 's education as ' saving ' . I 'm kidding . Kind of . When kids go off to uni it 's like someone turns on the money tap and forgets to turn it off . I think we have a good balance between saving and spending . We plan for the future , we don 't make large impulse purchases and we live within our means so overall we 're a good team in this department . 6 . If you gave a party fJoyce I 'm posting this week 's Wednesday Hodgepodge questions at the bottom of this post but before I do that I thought I 'd share a little story . I know you are interested in every detail of my life so here is a little peek into something my kids will have zero trouble picturing . I had an errand to run yesterday and as usual I let the dog out into the backyard before I left the house . Now , it might be 70 + degrees where you live but in my little corner of the world we still can 't see the grass . Yesterday it got up into the 40 's so the snow that has been frozen solid in our backyard since before Christmas is softening a bit . . . enough so that if you step on it now you fall thru to solid ground . Well , almost . And when you fall thru you are up to your kneecaps in snow but hey , it 's a step in the right direction so we 'll take it . This is Daughter1 looking adorable last week in front of the nasty pile of snow plowed all the way up to the fence . You can 't see the fence because its behind that nasty pile of snow . I dislike dirty snow and when I say snow mountain this is what I mean . Up until yesterday this snow mountain was frozen so solid it felt like granite . Anyway , I had my car running in the driveway and I called the dog but once she discovered that she was no longer slipping and sliding across the yard she decided to run all the way around to the far side of the house where I can 't see her unless I walk around there too . I was not dressed appropriately for traipsing thru deep snow so I just continued calling and calling and she pretended not to hear me and remained on the other side of the yard . I was annoyed . Did I need to say that ? We have a door in our garage that leads to the backyard so I stepped thru that door to see if I could coax her inside when all of a sudden a huge gust of wind came out of nowhere and slammed the door shut . The door that is locked from inside the garage . On the surface this is not a big deal . I 'm just in the backyard and my keys are in my car right over there . On the other side of the fence . The fence Joyce . . . or a dozen sunny yellow roses if you 're me . Hubs brought these home on Friday afternoon ~ I have always loved yellow roses and these really started to open up over the weekend . I don 't think there is anything else quite like fresh flowers to make me smile when I enter a room and see them in all their glory . We awoke this morning to a sky that , in keeping with today 's theme , was pretty in pink . . . . Hubs is heading out of town this afternoon ( shocking I know ) but he was home all morning so I made him his favorite oatmeal for breakfast . . . it 's all about the ' heart ' on Valentine 's Day , right ? I like Ina Garten 's Sunday Morning Oatmeal recipe because she adds bananas and golden raisins and my favorite , dried cherries , to the pot . So delicious ! I use skim milk and omit thesalt and the maple syrup . . . with all that fruit you just need a pinch of brown sugar on top and you 're good . We had one of those weekends that just sort of unfolds and we enjoyed relaxing and doing a little bit of shopping for the house . We still need a few bits and pieces for the bedrooms so we hit some nice shops and antique stores over the weekend and came home with a pretty chair and ottoman for Daughter2 's bedroom and an antique table for our upstairs hallway . Now to find the right accessories to display and of course the chair will need a small table and lamp to go with and then of course we need to update the paint and isn 't this the way it goes with a house ? You tick one item off the home improvement list and three more appear to take its place . We were in a nice mall on Saturday so we ended up having a Valentine lunch at Legal Seafood . So yummy ! I had a Caesar salad topped with lobster and a glass of champagne because what is Valentine 's Day without champagne ? And no , champagne is not my normal lunchtime drink but we were pretending this was dinner . Hubs ordered a dozen oysters as a starter and the presentation was nice . I took a picture with my phone but for some reason when I put pics from my phone onto my computer they look blurry . This surprPosted by Daughter1 has been home for a few days and we are relaxing right now in the office . We needed to recover from our day which included breakfast out at a favorite local spot , shopping , Starbucks and finally pedicures . I thought it would be fun to write a joint post . She is not sure if that will actually be fun but she will humor me because I 'm her mama and she loves me and I just bought her a super cute skirt and top and dress and had pink polish applied to her toenails . I liked my parents not so subtle marriage advice given while we all watched The Bachelor together . 4 . I like the fact that my daughter is finishing off the chocolate cake we had left over from the Super Bowl so I don 't have to do the job myself . I loved feeling ridiculous with my mom as we made a run for the car in our flip flops in 25 degree weather . 6 . We both agree it is worth it to have nice feet . I helped my mom figure out her Google Address book and translated an email written in French for my dad and I didn 't roll my eyes once . 8 . We 've lingered over breakfasts , lunches , and dinners eaten out . I love being treated to breakfast , lunch , and dinner out . 9 . We talk . The joy that comes from a long talk with a 20 - something daughter cannot be overstated . Happy Friday ! I 'm joining up with April at A . Liz adventures for Five on Friday for the first time today ! Head on over to her blog to join ! Steady . The word makes me think solid , stable , safe . But it also makes me think regular , routine , boring . I suppose it depends on what you pair it with . Fo . . . Whew , had a little bit of the hectic going on the last couple of weeks . Mainly working . I told Honey that about everyone of my clients needed their hair do . . . It 's always a difficult choice . Do I love to read in the summer when on the beach or at the pool ? Or do I really prefer winter reading , with a cozy . . . * I 've been busy . Well , busy for me , sooo . Really . Mom / Nana and I had quite the successful shopping trip yesterday . She can now go on a 3 week road tr . . . 1 . The first day of summer rolls in later this week . What are ten things you 'd put on your list of quintessential summer activities ? Will you try to manage . . . I miss my blog ! I miss posting the many escapades of my family and our new add ons ! I have a new son in law and a new son in law to be ! Hang on , new po . . . " Tell him you 're white ! " As soon as the words came tumbling off my lips , and the sound of them hit my ears , I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand . The . . . I 've mentioned several times that Compassion always tricks you into a hike . Yesterday was no exception . Our group made our way down the hillside adjacent t . . . Hello , dear friends ! Just a quick note to remind you that the weekly Five Minute Friday link - up has moved to its very own home ! Head over to the new si . . . This is what happens when your people won 't let you eat kill any more chickens . You are forced to look wistfully at them , longing for better days . Notice h . . . Hello dear blog friends ! It has been a minute since I 've stopped by here and poured myself some coffee while I sat at this keyboard to chat . I can 't believ . . . Where 'd we leave off last ? Oh , yes , beginning the recovery process of surgery . I think I 'm pretty much out the other side but had to head back to the OR a . . . Happy Friday ! I 'm joining up with April at A . Liz adventures for Five on Friday for the first time today ! Head on over to her blog to join ! 1 . When was the last time you relocated ? Did you move yourself or leave it to the professionals ? Are you happy staying put or is there a move in your fut . . . We spent some time recently in our home away from home . We headed down I - 81 and found our way to The Smokies . This trip was different for us because each o . . . We did it again . We showed up to the orchard in hopes of picking apples in peace , away from the weekend crowds . And guess what ? . This is a picture of a lo . . . Wrote this last week for the North Texas Presbytery . Thought I 'd share it here as well . And speaking if limping , our dog , Scout , tore her ACL chasing squir . . . © Joyce Daley , From This Side of the Pond , 2009 - 2017 . Unauthorized use and / or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog 's author and / or owner is strictly prohibited . Excerpts and links may be used , provided that full and clear credit is given to Joyce Daley and From This Side of the Pond with appropriate and specific direction to the original content .
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So I 'm going to rate the whole series . I 've been reading these books for some time now , between other books . There are seven in total , quite a long series . It has an interesting premise . There are five races : humans , elves , dwarfs , sartan , and patryn . The first three are roughly the same strength , while the latter two are supposed to be much more powerful and consider themselves demigods , if not gods outright , but they are bitter foes , the sartan supposedly good and the patryn supposedly bad . A long time ago , the sartan , fearing the patryn , used their magic to lock them up in a labyrinth , their prison , and to divide the world into four elements , earth , water , fire , air . Each world would emphasize one of these elements , so in the air world , there are floating continents , but little water . Supposedly , the resources would be shared between the worlds and everyone would be happy and in paradise , the sartan watching over the lower races . But then they disappeared and left the humans , elves , and dwarfs by themselves , having to duke it out for their resources . The books begin with one patryn , Haplo , who had broken free from the terrible labyrinth , being sent out to explore these worlds and find out what happened to the sartan . At first , the books explore the cultures and how each race adapted to their environments , which is a bit interesting , there are some unique ideas , but later on it gets a little complicated , with evil incarnate trying to disrupt everything . Early on , Haplo find Alfred , a bumbling sartan , and even though they are enemies , are forced to work together . For most of the series , Haplo is an antihero , the villain who is going to conquer everything , but then he slowly is converted to good , and builds a relationship with Alfred . Unfortunately , I felt that relationship was altogether too abrupt , with them becoming pals in the sixth book . It was more interesting with the tension between them . The last three books felt like they lost their way , once they stopped describing the worlds . And while the worlds Share this : TwitterFacebookLike this : Like Loading . . . Story Telling - Video 2 Story telling can come from any medium . Videos are obviously part of that , but few of think that even commercials can tell a story in 30 seconds . Here 's a video I made for an advertising class ( nothing to do with fantasy , however ) for sharpie markers . I tried to tell a story , both with and without words . One of the most common uses of magic , especially in low magic worlds , is through some sort of item , or an artifact . The classic example is the one ring in the Lord of the Rings . It has the power to make one invisible ( and supposedly Sauron could take over the world using it ) . In fact , most of the magic seen in these books are through items , like Sting glowing when orcs were near . Gandalf had his magic , but we didn 't see very much of it , and it was always with his staff . Many legends have heroes questing after some sort of magic item , like the golden fleece of Jason of the Argonauts . Some stories require magic items , like wands or brooms for magic , like in Harry Potter . Sometimes crystals are used , like in some Final Fantasy games . King Arthur 's Excalibur might be considered a magic sword , or the holy grail . Star Wars had its lightsabers . Some items act as charms , like four leaf clovers , and have just a little magic . Many religions have sacred objects , like the arc of the covenant , or holy water , or bones of a saint . Often , the quest to find or use one of these artifacts is the main point of the story . Other times , they don 't serve much of a purpose , aside from adding to the story or producing cool action scenes . So why do so many stories have these special items ? Part of this might come from humans ' desire to anthropomorphize the world , making it more relatable to them . Children think animals are as intelligent as they are , that they just speak a different language . People see faces in rocks , clouds , and buildings . So making these items special is natural . We don 't like feeling alone in the world , alone in our intelligence , so we assign it to other things and animals . But sometimes items that are intelligent have their own will and might plot against their owners . Not all artifacts are intelligent , though . Many represent great workmanship . A man who labors days over making what he considers the perfect sword is going to want to believe it is special , maybe that he poured his soul into it and there is something about it that other swords don 't have . Others may feel they were inspired in what they made , that some divine being was guiding them , and so want to give their work divine attributes . Idols were made , often from precious materials like gold , and then worshipped as gods . Because people want to believe in some higher power , but they also want to control it . Nowadays , instead of idols , people might worship knowledge and science , or their expensive car , or the work of their hands . Because of ignorance of how things really work , people sometimes assign mystical properties to what they don 't understand . If they pray to an idol , and it rained , it was a sign . Some people thought photographs would steal part of your soul when they were first invented . Magnets magically were attracted to metal . Stage magicians use tricks to make things appear like magic . Any technology sufficiently advanced appears to be magic to those who don 't understand it . Sometimes in legends , the hero was so much larger than life , that his clothes and weapons had to be larger than life as well , or rewards for his valor . And men have always dreamed of having the upper hand , getting better weapons , from knives to swords to arrows to guns to canons to planes to bombs to missiles to nukes to death stars . Magic sword beats normal sword . Often they are a sign of status . King Arthur became king because only he could pull the sword from the stone . A wizard has his staff . A teen has his iphone , connected to google , the source of all knowledge . He uses it to see what his friends had for lunch and look at pictures of cats . So artifacts often play a big part in a story for different reasons , but sometimes they are very unnecessary . A sword of strength + 1 and dexterity + 2 won 't change the fate of the hero . A sword that can cut through anything and lets the hero escape from prison will . * * spoiler alert * * This has some spoilers , so if you really want to read through the series , don 't read this review . So everyone seems to like these books because they turn the fantasy world upside down . There 's the usual tropes , the quest , with the prince , the barbarian , the warrior princess , and the mage , off to find some mysterious artifact that will stop some dark lord . Fairly familiar , except that everyone is a jerk and they never find the dumb artifact . Theres also a crippled torturer who is supposed to gain sympathy . So there are some interesting twists , and if I were to judge this on the first book alone , without having read the others , I might have given this a higher score . It was intriguing , and you want to find out what 's next . Are things going to get better ? No . That 's the problem . Maybe I judge books too much on their ending , but if they don 't end satisfactorially for my , then I 'm not happy , even if it was good up till then . The noble is a self righteous jerk . The warrior girl is blind to everything but her own revenge , which she never gets . The mage looks at everyone else as inferiors and tools . The barbarian is the most sympathetic , but he 's pretty much just along for the ride . The torturer is just that : he tortures people . Just because we get to see his point of view doesn 't make him good or sympathetic . He does some bad things . And the ending is a total let down . It feels like someone played a prank on me . I read three books just for this ? So back to the first point . It turns the fantasy genre upside down . I think the genre needs to look at itself now and then and not just follow blindly what others , like Tolkien , have done . But making the whole thing pointless ? That turned me off . If you like gritty , you might like this , I know there are many who do , but if not , don 't bother . If I had taken things slower , I might have avoided that fall , but I was too rushed . It was probably a ten - foot drop , but I landed badly , plus the tree branches tore into my legs . The apple rolled away from me , only two bites in it . I blacked out . What happened from there was like a dream , or was in fact a dream . I wasn 't sure . I thought I saw Michael carrying me to the village , his smile reassuring . Other images stayed in my mind as well , including three people standing above me , speaking , but I couldn 't understand them . The shadows closed in over me . " You stayed out late last night , " my mother said , her voice inviting me to tell more . Normally I would have , but I was unnerved from the experience . Had Michael found me ? I found him leaving his house to go to the woods . Such a fine figure he made . He smiled when he saw me . But it was a guilty smile . My throat went dry . " Hi … Evaling . I didn 't see you yesterday . I know I said we could go on a walk , but it will have to be after . I have to work right now . " I kept walking , as if I hadn 't come to see him . As if I didn 't hear every heartbreaking word . Not that the words told me anything . But the way he said them , I knew . Lily had gotten to him . Out of the corner of my eye I saw him frown , then shrug . I resisted the urge to run crying to my house . Besides , I needed to find my answers . I made it to the woodcutter 's camp before the men did . The first ones were coming up the path . Ethan was one of them , looking fine . Not wanting to answer their questions , I plunged ahead into the woods . Again , I felt the aura of sadness . It was like the trees themselves were sad . Somehow , I knew where I was now , unlike last night . After a little while , I even found the apple I 'd bitten . Two bites in it , still . It was going rotten , brown on the inside . Who had taken me home ? I thought it might be Michael , but he said he hadn 't seen me . My parents didn 't seem too worried this morning , so I must have been taken home soon after falling . But my mother would have wondered why I didn 't eat dinner . Maybe it had all been a dream . I didn 't have the scratches to prove anything . But the apple was there , its two bites looking at me like eyes . I felt a movement in the corner of my eyes , in the shadows . I spun around . No one was around me . I was pretty sure I could make it back this time , but it had been awfully foolish to come back . " Who took me home last night ? " I cried out in frustration . A few birds flew out of their nests upon hearing me . His smile was charming and confident . I wanted to run into his arms . He looked like he would hug me , protect me , and never go to Lily . " We should go back , Eva . " He stepped closer , still with that smile . It was different from two days ago . Not shy . He had never called me Eva , either . Only my mom did . I looked into his eyes . His green eyes . " You 're not Michael ! " I yelled , not understanding what was going on , but knowing it was true . " Very observant . I might have benefitted in choosing one you did not love and know so well . Ethan 's image could have served , but I felt you would trust Michael more . " Now his voice was different . More light , in a singsong manner , picking up on the subtle harmonies of the woods . It made Michael 's real voice seem mundane . The false Michael stepped into the shadow of a tree and disappeared . I kept looking at the spot where I knew he was supposed to be , but I couldn 't see anything . What was going on here ? A few feet away from where he disappeared , the false Michael came out , almost gliding . Except he didn 't look like Michael anymore . Instead , a man with long curly bronze hair and slightly golden skin took his place . His body was perfectly proportioned , and although he looked strong , he moved with a grace that resembled water flowing more than people walking . Michael looked clunky in comparison . A fairly simple dark violet robe covered him . He flowed towards me . Every time he went through shadow , he disappeared . Or rather , the shadows seemed to hug him . I had the feeling he could control it , and was trying to show me something . " What are you ? " I asked , afraid , but not as much as I should have been . This being , humanlike but not human , exuded trust . " My name is Lancithar . I am not a human , as you see . Many would call me an angel . Or more appropriately , a night angel . " Why night angel ? My mind worked furiously . I should have been in shock , but my mind worked harder in his aura . " You 're invisible in the darkness . At night . You come to the village and heal everyone . The night soothing . " He was right . I never questioned the night soothings . I guess I thought the night itself held mystical properties . To know these night angels came into our houses and healed us was a startling revelation . " Not without replacing them with something else . We would give you magic to heal yourselves , whether night or day . We would open your eyes to the greater world around you , so you could see how the trees suffer when you cut them down , how you can work together with nature and each other to build up great civilizations . " " So I don 't have to decide whether the soothings will stop ? This is just a test ? " I did not want the responsibility on my shoulders . Surely the people of the village would want to keep the night soothings . But this night angel spoke of such interesting things that we were ignorant of . Did they have to be mutually exclusive ? " If you have the power to heal yourselves , you would no longer need the night soothings , nor need to wait until night to heal yourselves . " He seemed to be able to read my mind , or at least my expression . The wind blew some leaves past his path . " Once you understand magic and how it works , you will have power to do as you wish . Heal , travel , gain knowledge , or make yourself more attractive . It would be in your hands . " Oh , this man knew how to tempt me . I could just imagine how jealous Lily would be of me with magic . " I 'm not sure . Maybe I should think this over . " " Just so you know , you will no longer be human . You will be something more , the first of a new race . You will be known as Evaling , the girl who brought magic back from the forest . Mother of magic . " It sounded so scary and exciting at the same time . What did he mean , I would no longer be human ? I wouldn 't be ugly , would I ? But this Lancithar said I could make myself more attractive . Would I be like him ? Flowing closer , he put his hands on my head . I felt a tingle through my body . He lifted his hands and looked me over . I looked at my hands , expecting something to happen . Nothing did . I looked expectantly at Lancithar . " All I can give you is the capacity for magic . You must learn for yourself . Absorb nature as you journey home . Tonight there will still be a night soothing . I expect you will be enlightened . In a few days ' time , meet me here . " He pointed to the apple on the ground I had bitten yesterday . " This apple will stay here to mark the spot . " I had so many questions . Feeling the same , it didn 't seem like he had done anything to me . Was this all a lie ? How could I use magic ? I wanted to learn now ! " Please stay … " my voice trailed off as he disappeared . I looked between the shadows , but he didn 't reappear . I even waved my hands under the shadows of the trees , but to no avail . He was gone . I found myself walking back out of the forest . It was more mysterious than it had ever been . I kept looking around , to see if I could find Lancithar or some other night angel . Were they watching me ? Would I be able to see them if I learned magic ? How was I supposed to even begin ? Of all the Zelda games , this felt most like the original experience I had when playing Ocarina of Time . At first I was kind of wary of the ridiculous enemy , Zant , who looked like a dead fish , and turned out to be like Voldo from Soul Caliber , but once I found out that Ganondorf would be the main villain , I was ready to take this seriously . And it was a more mature Zelda game than its predecessors . I enjoyed being a wolf , for the most part , although by the end of the game , it felt like just one more item . The new items were interesting , ( with the extra clawshot I felt like SpiderLink ! ) , the world was large , and it brought back good memories . The last battle with Ganondorf was , while easy , dramatic . I really enjoyed this game . Link 's more modern than ever , with his own train . This felt like it belonged on the handheld , and it didn 't have the time limit dungeon that Phantom Hourglass had . Controlling Zelda as a spirit made things interesting . But it did feel a lot like Phantom Hourglass , with some minor improvements . They kind of blend together in my mind , really . Anyway , it was a fun game . This one was really fun , but it was also harder than other Zelda games . And longer . The motion controls made this a unique experience , but they were part of the difficulty . Slicing the sword in just the right way could be frustrating , and trying to thrust was tortuous . I did like the idea of the stamina bar , having Link sprint . The art style was nice , but it didn 't feel as serious as Twilight Princess . Going around , flying on my bird , trying to rescue Zelda , it was an immersive story . Going to the same three environments over and over got a little dull , especially in the desert . And were the only people inhabiting the world those who lived in the floating islands ? It felt kind of sparse in that respect . But finding out new places in each area was fun . They did a lot with just a little . I know there are more Zelda games , but I haven 't played them . I 'm sure the minds at Nintendo will keep pumping them out , making the Zelda universe more convoluted and full of addicting puzzles . I will probably be there . In the immortal words of Link : A blind man has no need of a sword . Few people do . Now you are one of the few who has one , you can use it to protect the innocent . # 1linewed 1 day ago " The Simon I knew is gone . You 're someone else now . Let your new friends rescue you . Bye , " he lamented . # 1linewed 1 week ago
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I 've known Kevin Morris for almost two years now , since I joined forces at Team Fayette as an employee in the H2O Maestro plumbing division of Fayette Heating & Air . Kevin is a commercial service technician in the HVAC department and is also a licensed electrician . I see Kevin almost every morning in the break room before we begin our work day , however these days we are starting to see a lot LESS of him . Morris is an outgoing guy , the kind of person that probably never met a stranger growing up . He is very good at talking to anyone and everyone , finding out what he has in common with you , and proceeding to make friendship through it . He is a family man with high interests in the outdoors , especially fishing and most recently bicycling . Kevin is a typical blue collar American with an extraordinary story of improved fitness , and his story holds some chapters not yet revealed , it 's a work in progress . Check out the recent conversation Masher had with Kevin Morris and listen to some pretty motivating words if you are trying to lose weight . It 's also interesting how his perception of cyclists has changed from " dorky " to " a new love in life . " If you 've ever needed to lose any weight , whether i ' ts 10 pounds more than 100 pounds , there 's a good chance that you also wanted to lose that excess weight . And it 's completely normal , if you tried one or two or more different methods , but failed . Some failures are caused by health reasons , while others are simply a lack of commitment . It 's never easy , I know personally , having gained and lost , lost and gained weight several times in my adult life . I certainly need to shed some excess pounds right now , and have failed to commit myself to a plan , but I 'm very motivated by Kevin Morris 's story . You see , Kevin made a commitment , and is on the brink of losing 100 pounds . And he is not finished ! ANSWER : " Commitment is absolutely the key to success in losing excess weight . When I decided to get on this ( no sugar , low carb ) diet , I made myself go four months before I cheated , and I only cheated then by having a dinner out and piece of cake with my wife on our anniversary . Then it was straight back to the meal plan . It probably sounds somewhat corny as an excuse , but I was convinced I wasn 't going to be the person who couldn 't be active with my son , who is only one year old now . " ANSWER : " No , it 's amazing how diverse a salad can be when you change it up by adding or subtracting the foods that are on the plan such as meats , cheese , and nuts . And it 's not salad all the time , but salad is something I love so I eat it as often as possible . 0 - sugar peanut butter has become my dessert , and I look forward to my spoonful every night ! " ANSWER : " Well , I was around 350 at my heaviest , and I 've sort of plateaued over the last two weeks , but I now weigh 255 . My original goal was to get to 265 with out having to exercise . I hate exercising , in fact , I told myself I would quit the plan before I start a workout . " QUESTION : Almost 100 pounds ? WOW , that 's amazing ! ! ! You obviously changed your mind about exercise since you recently bought a bike and began cycling , right ? ANSWER : " Sorta , kinda . In my mind , I consider exercise as working out indoors , at a gym , etc . Since I ride my bike outside , I just feel like I 'm relaxing in the outdoors more . I perceive bicycling more as a recreational sport , than a workout or exercise plan . MASHER COMMENT : " I can relate somewhat , but I know for a fact , that I can get as much out of a bike ride as I put into it . As a former moderate runner , I compare the two sports by claiming that the worst part of a run is the run and you always feel better when you finish , but the worst part of a bike ride is the end , and the best part is the ride ! Either way , I would much rather be outside than inside on a treadmill or stationary bike any day . " ANSWER : " Well , I have to give that credit to you , Pearl ( KP the Masher ) . I didn 't have the first clue what to expect from bicycling , but I remember passing people on bikes on the road and thinking they were a bit dorky , and slowing down traffic . Now I am much more aware of cyclists on the roadways and am happy to be riding myself . I had no idea what I needed to get started and where to go get it , so that 's where you came in and gave me great advice . If I didn 't know you and pick your brain about cycling , I 'm confident I would have never given it a thought . I owe a big thanks to Masher . " ANSWER : " That 's what I worried about , but staying focused is part of the commitment . I know we are going into a tough time of year for cycling because the days get shorter , and the weather gets tough to ride in , so I already got a membership to a local gym , and plan to do exactly what I thought I never would . I plan to work out and stay on the same diet , it 's worked for me so far , and I know it has . Looking at some of the old pictures of me are a brutal reminder of where I came from , and that is great motivation to stay on track . MASHER CLOSING COMMENT : " Kevin is a very good friend , I am proud of him . He has given me more motivation , that I need right now , to improve my health . I have ridden over 2500 miles this year to date , including 3 centuries , and in 3 different states , and I feel like I 've got a good grasp on my exercise , however I definitely can improve my eating habits . I WILL have my own weight loss story soon , too , I am confident of it , because I am ready to make a commitment . It is very gratifying to hear him give me credit for him becoming a new bicyclist . As our Mission reads here at RAM Cycling , we are committed to raising bicycling awareness , and what better way to do so than to add people to our bike population . In fact , Kevin also bought a bike for his wife , who is an avid runner , and she is also enjoying getting started in our beloved sport , as is her cousin , who followed suit . Thanks to RAM Cycling , we have added 3 bikes to the area ! Keep up the good work Kevin , I hope you join RAM Cycling for a century ride next year , and you have plenty of time to train for GABRAKY 2012 , also ! I began road cycling in 2006 , and have ventured somewhere between 15 , 000 & 20 , 000 total miles on a bike since that first ride on my dad 's Trek hybrid . I challenge myself to stay in shape year round , and complete century rides throughout the riding season , however this year is the first time I ridden more than one century in a single year , having completed 3 . I enjoy the time I spend on my bike , and thoroughly look forward to any challenging ride , it helps me motivate myself to train a little harder in preparation . Recently , I was thinking as the 2011 season begins to wind down , now is a great time to set some goals for next year . So many folks , myself included , wait until New Years Day to start trying to achieve new goals , and our thought process behind this idea is that we can waste all of our hard fought effort to be healthy for the first ten or eleven months out of the year , and just be a slob around the holidays . After all , it 's cold , wet , dark earlier , etc . All good reason to slow down on exercise , and pig out on the season 's comfort foods , right ? The answer to that question is , as one of my drill instructors at Parris Island notoriously repeated to us , " Not only no , but oh hell NO ! " In fact , it is as simple as efficiency ! In this day and age , with so much focus on people to make use of their time wisely , and use products that are highly energy efficient , taking care of our body is no different . I know in my line of work , a couple of simple techniques : never set your heating and air unit thermostat more than six degrees away from where you intend to run the unit when you are at home , because it kills the efficiency of the unit trying to play catch up when you thought you were conserving , it actually uses more energy to get back to normal operation and causes more wear and tear than needed . Likewise , it makes little to no sense to heat water in a storage tank , and keep reheating until you are ready to use it , and then hope you have enough , when the technology is now available to heat your water on demand using less energy and never run out . Well we can get so much better results out of our workouts and stay healthy if we utilize these same concepts , and just like professional athletes , stay in shape throughout the off season . The reason so many " New Years Resolutions " fail , is simple . We dig our hole too deep in the months leading up to that day when it is supposed to suddenly automatically change for us . In reality , yes our bodies do need an off season , but that doesn 't mean to shut it down 100 % and lose focus on what you are truely trying to achieve in life . I propose that goal setting is essential to surviving the down time in the off season , and the more regular you can stay healthy , the more efficient your body will remain . Maintaining constant focus on your goals is necessary to achieve them ! Also , it is important to set new ones as you reach your current goals , and don 't get discouraged if you have a minor set back in your routine , understand that any set back is only as temporary as you allow it to be . The better you stay focused , the better chance you have to not only achieve , but exceed your goals . Having said all that , now it 's time to follow through ! The warm riding season is officially over , I think it left with daylight savings time , so let the off season begin . What are my goals ? I have given serious thought to these , and a couple are very lofty , but I feel like I 'm ready for some tough ones , because I 'm not going to let all of my 2011 fitness and shape go down the drain over the holidays , like I normally do . This year I 'm getting a jump start on the next season , there is no better day to set out to achieve your goals than today ! So today , I begin the path towards Masher 's 2012 Cycling Goals : 1 . PARTICIPATE IN AT LEAST ONE BLUEGRASS CYCLING CLUB RIDE PER WEEK . I did this a few years ago , riding mostly with the folks in Frankfort out of Capital City Cycles , and it improved my speed and stamina greatly . The club offers rides every day of the week in different locations , so I can 't use work as an excuse , if I miss Monday , I still have 5 days to get to one ! 2 . PARTICIPATE IN AT LEAST ONE BIG GROUP RIDE PER MONTH . Most of these will be charity or fundraiser rides , and will allow me to visit different places and ride on new roads . April through October is the bulk of the riding season , and there are plenty of rides to find . I will . 3 . COMPLETE THE RAIN RIDE WITH MY CYCLING COMPANION , THE RENAISSANCE MAN ! RAIN Ride stands for ride across Indiana , it is a one day trek of about 160 miles one way across the Hoosier State . We talked about it this year , but were at Panama City Beach on vacation . The most miles I 've ridden in a single day is about 115 , and it felt like enough at the time . I will need to be in top shape to complete it . 4 . LOSE FIFTY POUNDS . I know that sounds like a lot , but it 's where I need to be , where I want to be , where I will be . 5 . INFORM MORE PEOPLE ABOUT RAM CYCLING AND ADD AT LEAST 5 NEW BIKES TO THE IMMEDIATE AREA . This one has nothing to do with my personal fitness , it has everything to do with my passion for cycling and how Renaissance Man & Masher intend to raise cycling awareness . This will always be on my goals list , hopefully , the others will get checked off and replaced about this same time next year . Wow , 2011 is almost over ! I cannot believe how fast this year has flown by and how many miles the Masher and the Renaissance Man have rolled out . By some standards our 2011 mileage may be small , but for my first full year in cycling , it was a big first step . So after seeing that all things are possible on a bike , I am setting some pretty big goals for 2012 . So let 's get started : Goal # 1 - Ride 4 , 000 miles . This represents a 60 % increase in mileage over 2011 mileage of 2 , 500 . This is very attainable if the weather cooperates and I get the winter miles in that I skipped last year . Goal # 2 - Ride 6 Century Rides . - 2011 saw the RAM Cycling team burn up 3 century rides . 2012 is going to see us move to double that number . We are already working on our calendar and feel very confident in meeting this goal . Goal # 3 - Ride more hills and more rides per week . This is my only goal that I do not have a firm number to measure against . How will I know that I succeeded ? The test for me will be in October at the annual GABRAKY ride . The big hill on Day 3 - there will be no walking . Goal # 4 - Increase my average speed to 17 mph . As a beginner cyclist in 2010 ( and a hefty cyclist weighing in at 270 lbs . ) my average pace was a less than respectable 12 . 3 mph . 2011 saw me increase this 16 % to 14 . 3 mph . Why the increase ? Weight loss , better conditioning and a new road bike all played a part . How do I plan to get to 17 + ? I plan to be more consistent in my training and to work hard at achieving the goals above . To be successful in achieving these goals , I must work hard to integrate the goals into my lifestyle . Ride more frequently and shorter distances ( 2011 saw an average ride distance of 26 . 1 miles per ride ) at a faster pace . I am definitely excited to get rolling in 2012 ! So let 's make it happen in 2012 ! Follow the adventure right here at www . ramcycling . com . As the season winded down in 2011 , I had my mind set on a new bike purchase and pulled the trigger in October , buying a new Jamis Zenith Pro road bike . I was anxious to begin putting miles on the new wheels , so I chose to take the standard set up on the bike and hop on . Hind sight proved that was not a smart decision . I rode moderately through the winter months , and with the mild weather , began accumulating great base miles in March , but I was not comfortable on the new bike like I was the old one . I loved the feel of my new ride , the new components & gears , and the look . However , when I went out for a 15 - 30 mile ride , I experienced finger numbness , lower back pain , and some moderate knee soreness . I actually caught myself thinking at one point " I wonder if I could buy back my old bike ? " That 's when I got some much needed advice in the form of a referral from my good friend and cycling companion Tim , the Renaissance Man . " Call Pedal Power Bike Shop and schedule a custom fitting with Alan . Trust me . " So I did . I spent about three hours on a Saturday early in March , being custom fit with my new bicycle , and I am proud to say we are now a real pair . Since being fit by Alan Brady at Pedal Power , I have accumulated over 500 miles on the new bike , and it feels great . No more pain and discomfort on an average ride , and no more thinking about the old bike . . . it 's now a great memory , but a good bike for another new local cyclist ! I should have known sooner to ask Tim for help , because he went through a similar experience . As his first ever cycling season closed out in 2010 , he completed a ride across the state of Kentucky on his Giant hybrid frame bicycle , and decided he was committed to cycling . That 's when he got a new Litespeed carbon frame road bike for Christmas , and began the new season a lot faster than the previous . After completing his first century ride in April in Georgia , he began to have some serious discomfort on the new bike . He had purchased the bicycle online , taking advantage of some points that had built up on an account . He had the bike adjusted and fit at a local shop , but as he began to feel comfort issues arising , he began to question some of the settings . He , like me , loved the new bike , and just thought he had to suffer through some of the new pains . In the month of May , he completed the Horsey Hundred century bike ride in our hometown of Georgetown , KY . Following the Memorial Day weekend riding , he could not bear the pain any more . Now , the numbness in his hands was occurring even when not on the bike , and he got to a point when he lost all strength in his hands , making it nearly unbearable to ride . After seeing several doctors and specialists in the medical field , and being recommended for surgery , he decided to follow his original gut instinct and have a second opinion on his bike fit . He was spot on ! He visited Pedal Power Bike Shop in Lexington , KY and had his custom bike fitting session with Alan Brady . Alan is certified by the Seratta International Cycling Institute ( SICI ) , and uses the techniques and standards that he learned at the SICI school . Both Tim and I highly recommend going to see Alan and Pedal Power if you experience any discomfort on your bike . Trust us ! A direct link to Pedal Power is on the right side column of this page and our home page . Please feel free to click on it and check out all of the services that they offer . I would have to say that my custom bike fitting with Alan Brady at Pedal Power Bike Shop is one of the most thorough experiences I 've ever had with my bike , other than an actual ride , and because of that experience , my rides are once again enjoyable . So if you 've added or lost weight , or had any uncomfortable rides lately , maybe a custom bike fit is just what you need , whether you have a new or older bike . Please feel free to share this info with all of your cycling friends and tell Alan that RAM Cycling sent you ! The Assault on Mt . Mitchell is a ride I have done several times in my past . Beginning in my 20 's , I have ridden this event once each decade of my life . The last time I biked this event was in my early 40 's . It was during my 40 's my life got a little busy and my bicycle began to collect dust . When I turned 50 , my doctor placed me on two different types of blood pressure medications . Between that and the fact that I weighed 278 lbs , I realized it was time for a life style change . I knew I needed to exercise more and so I turned to what I have always loved , cycling . I started bicycling again in April 2011 . I went for a 7 mile bike ride . When I returned back home I felt horrible . A short hill almost had done me in . I had never been so out of shape before . I was wondering if it was even possible for me to get back anywhere near the shape I had once been in . My oldest son began to ride with me and encouraged me to continue . We set a high goal to be able to ride the Assault on Marion in 2011 , which was only a month away . 7 miles turned into 14 , then 20 and so on . I was building , but this was a slow process . Before I knew it , the Marion ride was upon us . My son and I with two other friends decided to use Mt . bikes to ride the 73 miles to Marion . With my weight , a street bike was not comfortable and I needed a more upright position . My weight at this time was close to 250 lbs . It took me 6 hours to go from Spartanburg to Marion in 2011 . It was a long time on the bike , but I felt really good about it . I then set my goal to ride to the top of Mitchell in 2012 . I continued to ride , adding mileage and shedding the pounds . I complained to my Doctor about one of my BP prescriptions called a beta - blocker . It was keeping my heart rate down and made me feeling like I was fighting with my heart rate on the hills . When I got my weight was down to 240 lbs , the beta - blocker was removed . I switched over to riding my Trek 5000 . It was very uncomfortable at first and I had to raise the handlebars . I continued to train to achieve my goal for Mt . Mitchell . I have always set myself goals as it helps to keep me focused on target . At this point I had one goal and one material reward set . My goal was to make it to the top of Mt Mitchell in 2012 and the reward was going to be a new bike when I lost 50 lbs . It was around August - September I weighed in at less than 230 lbs and the purchase of a new bike was made . I was increasing my training adding mountainous climbs , longer rides and continuing to drop more weight . My average speed was increasing and so I began to join a few local group rides . I was now able to average 15 to 16 mph on a 30 + mile ride . To a lot of folks this may not seem like much , but I was very pleased to be making this kind of progress . My son , 28 years of age was still riding with me and whooping me on the bike . There was one time I recall my son and I were on a hill climb and he was asking me numerous questions . I finally said to him " Do you want to ride or talk , because I can 't do both ? " as I was gasping for breath . After a year of training for the Assault on Mt . Mitchell , it was now upon me . I had pre - registered and had a room at the Marriott at Renaissance Park . The Marriott is very close to the starting line and the closer we got the more bikes we saw . The town has been invaded by high dollar two wheeled vehicles . As I tried to check in , I was informed there were no rooms ready . I guess there is some type of local event that weekend and the rooms were slow to be cleaned . While waiting for a room I decide to head over to the Spartanburg Memorial Auditorium and pickup my packet and information . There were thousands of packets lined in alphabetical order . I located the " S " table where I had to sign and show a photo ID to pickup my packet . The fellow assisting me was very helpful , offering additional advice for the ride . He suggested making use of the baggage ticket so that I would be sure to have dry clothes on top of Mt . Mitchell or in Marion when I arrive . The trucks were already in the parking lot and being loaded with tote bags . I cannot begin to grasp the overall logistical nightmare of planning an event of this magnitude combined with its unique dynamics . Overall , the volunteers , support crews and organizers did a marvelous job ! I finally get situated in my room so I can now head out for dinner . I take in some pasta and salad , then stop at the local store and get a few bananas , snacks and cereal and then back to my room . One thing I always do is wipe down and wax my bike before a ride . I check the chain , shifting and then oil . If you want the bike to take of you the next day , then you better take care of it the night before . The night before is also the time to get the rider number on your bike and jersey . I was not using the rider number for the tote bag , so I attached it to my bike in addition to the bike number . Often I have seen rider numbers in the roadway during a ride and I did not want to have any conflicts with identifying my bike later . Finally , ready for sleep … Monday , May 21 , 2012 morning comes fast . 4 AM wakeup . I fix myself a small bowl of cornflakes and have a banana . I double check my bike , Garmin , water bottles and so on . Clothed and ready to roll head downstairs at 6 AM . As I arrive at the 7th floor elevator , there were several folks waiting with their bikes . Each time the elevator opened , we could not get in because they were already full . After about 4 - 5 full passes of elevator door openings we decided to press the up button . The " going up " elevator door opened and it was empty . We were able to get 6 or 7 people with bikes into that space . As we continued our trip up , the door would open 2 more times and I could hear the aggravation in the voices of those still waiting for an elevator . That elevator stopped at almost every floor on the way back down . Free ! I made it to the lobby and then out the main doors . Bikes were everywhere ! A cyclist 's paradise . I remember looking around at the variety of bikes and thinking about how much money invested in bicycles that was located in this one place and time . Then I began looking at the cyclists themselves and feeling slightly intimidated . I proceed to get inside the pack and lined up a little more than half way within the group . I stood there for about 10 minutes before the start and made idle chat with those around me . Where you from , what is your goal to the top and so on . I had set my goal at 7 to 8 hours to the top , remembering it took me 6 hours to get to Marion last year . As the timer counts down those last few seconds of time , all you hear is the sound of thousands of shoes clipping in . When the start kicks off , it was another 15 seconds or so before I was able to begin moving . Alertness is on an all time high for the 1st 20miles . Folks were losing their water bottles causing cyclists to brake and swerve . The one term you will consistently hear is " SLOWING " . It doesn 't take long for you to get tired of hearing this term . I tried to locate a smooth and consistent rider to draft off within a larger group . I found a nice group of about 20 - 30 riders that seemed pretty steady until Bills Hill . After Bills Hill the group broke apart and dwindled in size . I was trying to get to Marion as quick as I could yet not burn myself out in the process . I did not stop at any aid stations along the way to Marion . I was happy when I rolled into Marion in 3 hours and 35 minutes with a 21 + mph average speed . At this point let me reflect , 2011 in 6 ' verses in 2012 in 3 ' 35 " . Now that is personal improvement ! My wife ( Beverly ) was on the edge of the roadway waiting with refreshments . I changed out my water bottles and ate a pack of crackers . I guess 10 minutes or more went by and it was time for the fun part , the climb . Only 25 more miles , but … They are the most difficult miles of the ride . A little ways into Hwy 80 you start to wonder if this is the climb and begin to think that it is not that bad . It sure doesn 't take much longer to realize you were not on the climb at that time . Heading toward the Blue Ridge Parkway is a tough climb , but you are still comparably fresh on the ride . I opted to bypass the aid station at the entrance to the parkway and continue on . The ride was slowly turning into a hard steady grind of pedal strokes . It was on the Blue Ridge Parkway where I began to feel a little fatigued and I was running out of steam . My legs were feeling the steadiness of pushing uphill for such a long time , but were still doing fine . It was my body that needed fuel . I did not take in enough fuel along the ride . 80 + miles into the ride all I had eaten were a couple bananas , pack of crackers , gel pack and two power bars during the ride . Along with the small portion of cornflakes and banana that morning , it was not enough food . I knew I was on the edge of Bonking and arriving at one of the aid stations on the Blue Ridge Parkway I stopped for the 2nd time . I ate a few oranges , peanut butter and Jelly Sandwich , Lay Potato Chips . I drank some powerade , a small coke and water . Stretched my legs while doing so and soon I was back on the bike . But it was too late and I had biked too far without taking in fuel . My stomach was full , though my body was still waiting for the fuel to arrive . I would stop 2 - 3 more times for a couple minutes on the Blue Ridge Parkway before arriving at the Mt Mitchell entrance . Once while I stopped on the Parkway , another cyclist stopped , then looked at me and said " I will NEVER do this ride again " . At the Mt . Mitchell State Park entrance there is approximately 5 more miles of climb and I 'm there . Five miles may be a short distance , but not in time . I was slowly recovering from lack of fuel intake and was feeling much better . I was in a steady spin at about 6 - 7 mph . There were cyclists both ahead and behind me . After this many miles you can bet that most of the riders around you are your equal in ability . Behind me I could hear a female cyclist talking to a male cyclist . The male 's voice was faint , but the female 's voice was loud and constant . It was fine at first but for some crazy reason her voice was becoming annoying . They were not passing me and I didn 't have enough left in me to pull away . I was trapped , forced to hear her conversation . I finally stopped and waited for them to pass . Normally that would not have bothered me , but the mind goes to new places when broken down and tired . I rolled across the finish line in 6 hours and 55 minutes . Within that time I had 45 minutes of stop time and burned over 9 , 000 calories . The volunteers took my bike and placed it on the bike rack to be transported back to Marion . A couple of my friends who I often ride with were already finished and waiting on others to finish . I spoke with Ryan and asked him how he had done . He said he had a time of 5 ' 16 " and placed 14th overall ! I placed 226th out of the 768 riders that finished . Over 25 % of those registered for the Assault on Mt Mitchell did make it to the top . Beverly was near the finish waiting for me . She had taken the bus ride from Marion to the top of Mitchell . It was great to get out of the cycling attire and into dry clothing that she had brought . They had food at the top , although I didn 't feel like eating . I was ready to head back down and so we got on the bus and waited for it to fill . I guess it took about 20 minutes and we were on our way back down the mountain . As the bus traveled down the entrance to the parkway I was watching the cyclists who were still climbing the Mountain . I noticed two more Melo - Velo riders ( my hometown cycling club / team ) making their way . Yes , I was glad to be on the bus . The bus ride was about 2 hours long and we were back in Marion about 3 : 30 . The bus route goes almost into Ashville NC and then back to Marion to keep the congestion down along the Mt Mitchell ride route . Back in Marion it was " wait on your bike " to return . Beverly and I decided to drive into town for an early dinner . When we returned back to the Tom Johnson Campground my bike had still not arrived . It was shortly after 5 PM when my bike was unloaded and I was free to go home . I am planning to ride The Assault on Mt Mitchell again in 2013 if all works out to do so . I have set myself a goal of 6 hours or less . It only makes sense that as I get older I should get faster , right ?
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Be nice . That 's the second rule . Even when they 're being assholes , or putting you down , or leering at some other girl - be nice . That 's Gospel , according to Janice , who hasn 't been a virgin for a year and a half now , because there 's nothing guys dislike more , she says , than a disagreeable girl . Frank and Bigby had been drinking schnaaps first thing in the morning . When they showed up , Janice and I were sitting on her porch , and we could smell that sickening peppermint as soon as they stepped out of the truck . The guys ' eyes looked like roadmaps , and Frank , trying to make a grand entrance by hopping from the passenger side before Bigby had stopped completely , fell and skinned his elbows and knees on the driveway . Janice laughed , but not in a mean way , just this cute giggle as she walked over to help him brush the dust from his shirt . That 's her third rule : always laugh . Make them think they 're adorable - though she 'd never use that word around Frank . Frank had a dab of blood on his palm , but he wiped it off on his hip , a pink streak on his tan shorts . He offered Janice a nonchalant Hey babe and a kiss on the cheek , both of which she accepted as if they were shining jewels . Bigby is , by far , the best looking guy who 's ever been interested in me . Come fall he 'll probably be the starting running back for our football team , and until Janice prodded him into asking me out , the only guys who called me were more likely science fair winners than lettermen . They 'd get the jitters as soon as they heard my voice , as if speaking to a sophomore girl were as daunting as testifying before God and country . But it was cute . And underneath all their awkward goofiness , it was clear they really liked me , really wanted me to have a good time , even if the best date idea they could come up with was a round of miniature golf . Part of me misses that , the same part that knows the Bigbys and Franks of the world are nothing but bad news dressed up in rich boys ' clothing . But then , that day , I looked at Bigby and saw those muscles in his arms ripple as he scratched his chin - no sentimental science fair boy has that , I 'm sorry to say . Bigby took a few lumbering steps from the truck and threw his arm around my shoulder . " Don 't worry , Chelle bell - " he 's the only one who can call me that without sounding infuriating - " Frank 's a wreck , but you got nothing to worry about with me . I know the way to the quarry blindfolded . " I thought that Frank would hop into the truck - bed and let Janice and I squeeze into the cab with Bigby , but the most chivalrous offer Frank made was for Janice to sit on his lap . She laughed , then thanked him for the offer in this way that made me blush for her . " But , " she said , " Chelle and I have girl things to talk about . We 'll just ride in the back . " Into the back we climbed , kicking out space amid plastic cartons and coke cans and other debris , the metal hot even through my shorts . Bigby revved the engine and ripped from Janice 's driveway so fast we almost tumbled out of the truck bed , Janice laughing as she gripped the side with both hands . But after that the ride evened out a bit and Janice and I talked while , in the cab , Bigby and Frank passed the schnaaps like a pipe between them . But then I stop and take stock of all of us . Really , we 're all just trying on costume shop masks . That day , I was a wild girl , a don 't - give - a - goddamn - so - let 's - go girl , the one Janice wants me to be . Maybe that 's what I saw in Bigby , like the part he played made it easier for me to believe my own act . On our first date a week before , I sat with him in his front seat for half an hour , his hands going places nobody else 's have ever been allowed . Not that I went as far as Janice would , but it was a thrill to feel his heat rise , to feel him get more excited with every touch . In the end , I climbed out of his truck and walked back to my front door , gave a glance over my shoulder and saw him staring at me , a small hurt look on his face , and I have to admit seeing that frustrated gaze gave me a thrill . I did that ; I made it happen . Until the next morning , when I was back to being Mom and Dad 's Chellie slopping cereal into her bowl , and I couldn 't believe what I 'd done . " What ? One of the reasons for you to do it is so that we can talk about it , " she said . " It makes us even closer friends that way . " Bigby took a sharp curve and the force slid Janice across the bed , slamming into me . There was no danger of us falling out , but she let out a shriek . She hollered for Bigby to be careful , a pathetic whine to her voice like she needed saving . I knew this one - Rule # 4 : Be weak so they can be strong . Bigby gunned it and we shot down a straightaway so fast the live oaks looked the width of toothpicks as we passed them . Our hair whipped and tangled together , and the wind swirled over us so hard that for a few minutes we couldn 't even feel how hot the sun was beating down on us . I yelled , but the wind ripped the breath right out of me . You 'd be wrong . There 's murder , there 's prostitution , there 's enough meth to fill the quarry . But even then the stories of such behavior come to us as if from a foreign land . People like me and Janice just hear reports while our parents are watching the news , or pick up on tales trickling through the high school halls , and even though it happens so close to us , the people involved always seem far away , alien as a movie star on the big screen . In fact , high school here is so boring that whenever anything crazy happens , most people angle for some connection to the event , bragging in the hallway that the guy picked up in a rolling lab is a second cousin , or that gunfire opened up just a block away from where a really good party was going on . Maybe we do that because , for most of us , the only way to seem wild is to have a good story . Which may be why Janice talks up sex so much . It gives her this authority over me . " I can 't believe you 're seventeen and still a virgin , " she said . " God , you 've got to live , Chelle . " Even then , though , I could tell she wasn 't having fun - she smiled as always , but it seemed more like a grimace . " Isn 't this fantastic ? " she said . " Man , Frank is so … " she paused here , grinning and shaking her head as if so in disbelief of his powers that words failed her . " God , he 's just so real . He makes it all real . Every other guy before him was , like , a cartoon , Chelle . " We bounced along for twenty minutes , maybe more . Frank and Bigby could have been lost , but they never would have admitted that , and by the time we got to the quarry , I could feel a welt rising where my hip banged against Bigby 's dad 's toolbox , and my forearms were already glistening with the onset of sunburn . We came through a narrow passage where blackberry brambles stretched into the road , snagging us until we pulled our arms back in , folded our hands in our laps like we were sitting in church . Arriving at last , the boys spilled out of the front . Bigby sauntered around to lend a hand so Janice and I could climb from the bed . My legs were stiff from the ride , and I wobbled a bit so Bigby had to catch me , my chest pressed against his shoulder and his arms wrapped around my upper legs . The fall was perfect Rule Number Four for Janice , and she gave a wink , thinking I 'd intended to do it . Frank , meanwhile walked toward the edge of the quarry with the now empty schnaaps bottle dangling between his fingers . With a snap of his wrist he sent it spinning across the water toward a nearby jut of rock , where it exploded like a tiny firework . The three of them treaded water , their arms moving like tentacles around them and making ripples circle away from their bodies . Janice and I had stripped down to bathing suits , and the guys to their shorts , our discarded clothing in a small mound beside me . I had watched each of them jump , Bigby then Frank then Janice , in effortless arcs . About fifteen feet straight down , a jagged rock jutted from the side , and if you let your imagination get going you could see flecks of dried blood where previous divers met their doom , but my friends had all cleared it easily , splashing down safely a good twenty - five feet below . I didn 't want to seem like a child , but just looking at the drop made my chest grew tight . I could hear them talking to each other , but I couldn 't make anything out , except for a wild laugh from Frank . At last I heard Janice calling to me : " Come on , Chelle ! The water 's great . " I knew I was breaking another rule - her follow - up to number four : Be weak , but not too weak . I edged within a few inches of the drop , then knelt down so I didn 't get dizzy . I thought again about all the stories about it - the radioactive waste , the corpses anchored to the bottom , the ghosts of old quarrymen abducting people after dark . Nonsense , I knew , but once one fear walks through the door , it 's there to stay . " Easy path over there , " Frank said , pointing to a narrow passage in the quarry face . Loose rocks were wedged against each other on the path , and fast food bags and coke cans were trapped beneath broken branches . At one spot a ripped t - shirt clung to one of the rocks . It sure didn 't look " easy " to me . " That meth lab we passed a few miles back . You didn 't see it ? " Frank laughed . " Ah , I bet those guys in there saw you . They 'll be down here any minute . " His voice seemed far away , not quite real . " Or what , Janice ? " I heard a violent splash and then heard Janice say Hey . " You want her to stay up there and get violated by a bunch of tweakers ? " That last voice was Bigby 's , but I was already past paying attention . I wasn 't scared of Frank 's lies . I wasn 't scared of them thinking I was a baby . I wasn 't anything at all , really - I seemed outside of my body , my head a balloon floating several feet above me as I rose from my knees , took a step back and then two quick steps forward , leapt and went rushing through the air . I was only vaguely aware of all that until my legs whacked against the face of the water , snapping me back to reality . The impact pushed the air from my chest and I flailed back to the surface , where my three friends were waiting , grinning , proud . Later , Bigby ushered me into the woods . He tripped as he stepped over a fallen tree and nearly pulled me down with him . I warned him to watch out for a patch of poison ivy but he pushed right on through . Janice and Frank had stayed behind , and after we 'd walked for only a minute I could hear her laughing seductively . Bigby found a small clearing under some pines where the earth was softer and cooler . He sat down and pulled off his shoes , then reached his hand up to me . There was an intense warmth in his fingers , and it sent my heart racing . I knew what he wanted . I knew what had been expected of me in the very act of agreeing to go the quarry . I thought back to our first date , sitting in the cab of that truck , remembered exactly where his hands had touched as if his fingers had burned imprints , and the thought of doing more excited me - but until that moment , until he reached up and took my hand , I hadn 't thought really about what it meant . I mean , of course I 'd thought about what it would feel like , how Bigby 's touch would be , who I 'd feel like afterward , but all those things were just roles I might play - I 'd even thought of what to say when I had to tell Janice about it later , piecing things together from good sex scenes I 've watched or read . The strange thing is , I thought of Janice - not the Janice I could hear through the trees laughing and teasing , but the Janice who showed me the bruise last week , who showed me how it matched the purpling marks on her ribs . Maybe thinking of that was just one more way to keep pretending I wasn 't there , flesh and blood , with Bigby in the woods by the quarry , mosquitoes swarming over our heads and birds rustling in nearby bushes . But that 's what I thought of : Janice , bruised , saying , " He 's only hit me the one time , " sounding just the way someone talks about smuggling wine coolers from the convenience store , a way of saying Look how dangerous I am . I 'd reached out and touched the bruise closest to her hip . " Don 't ! " she 'd said . " That hurts . " " No what ? " he asked . Then he laughed , a drunken burbling back in his throat , and he rolled around a bit on the pine straw , eyes lolling this way and that . " Hell with it , " he said , and then he fell silent and curled up like a baby . I hadn 't realized how drunk he was . I thought about how far away we were from anyone else , thought again about what Frank had said about that " meth lab . " I stood with my arms crossed , a bit cold all of a sudden in just my bathing suit , the pines blocking out the sunshine . After a minute I pushed Bigby with my foot , felt my toe sink into the fat around his waist . Right then , he was ugly , passed out drunk with a smear of mud in his haircut , but I knew this wasn 't the end between us . Maybe I thought I had further to go with him , or - and I really hope this isn 't what I hoped for then , hope for still - that I could improve him , shape him into something just as attractive but more appropriate . I sat down on a dead tree not far from Bigby , the moist bark giving a little beneath me . I 'd broken one of Janice 's rules - which number I didn 't know and didn 't care - which was When in doubt , say yes , a rule she claimed to be almost as important as Rule # 1 . I felt sick again , the way I had standing on the quarry edge staring down at the water , and I realized that Janice and Frank had gone quiet . I thought the worst . Anyone would have . She kept screaming while I ran toward her , Bigby left behind , dead to the world on a bed of pine needles . Only when I got closer did I hear Frank moaning . I reached them , saw Frank by the quarry edge gripping his ankle . He was naked , but had pulled a shirt across his body to cover himself . Janice was still dressed , and turned to me with a look of panic . " What happened ? " I asked . Janice shook her right hand frenziedly . " It rattled . It was a rattlesnake . " She grew more frenetic as she spoke . " What do we do ? What do people do when they get bit by a rattlesnake ? What are we supposed to do ? " But it was . There we were ; Frank snakebit and Bigby passed out drunk , the four of us miles from help . The sun beat down relentlessly on us , and the quarry 's still water stared up , flat and unrippled as a sheet of glass . The next hour remains blurry . I was lucid the whole time , and there was a frenzy of activity , but it seems like we were simply there at the cliff , calculating Frank 's odds , and then there was a finger snap and we were waiting for him in the emergency room . I know Janice and I got Frank into the cab , managed to wake Bigby just long enough to help him into the truck bed . I know , too , that Frank got sick , vomiting three separate times in between giving us slurred directions back to town . All of that is fuzzy , though , except for the moments just as we pulled up to the hospital , when Janice asked Frank how he was feeling and he didn 't respond . His head was slumped against the window , and I remember Janice lifting her shaking fingers up to his neck , checking for his pulse in the same spot where , on her own neck , she was still bruised . He didn 't die . His ankle swelled up to twice its size , but Frank didn 't die . It turns out you have to be even stupider and unluckier than Frank to die from a rattlesnake bite , and by Monday it was a great story for Frank to tell , with Janice adding in little embellishments while she clung to him . But right then , with her fingers on his neck , Janice started crying , breaking Rule Number One , which she claims is more important than all the others put together . Kevin Waltman lives in Coker , Alabama , with his wife Jessica Kidd and their magical dog Henry . They grow lots of squash and tomatoes and peppers and strawberries and peas . Kevin received his MFA in Fiction from The University of Alabama in 2005 , and has published short fiction in Emerson Review , Connecticut Review , Lady Churchill 's Rosebud Wristlet , and other publications . He has also written two young adult novels , Nowhere Fast ( 2002 ) and Learning the Game ( 2005 ) .
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" It 's a zoo , but just for trainers . " That was the popular playground quote regarding the shut - down Safari Zone . But a statement like that only raised questions . " Why was it closed ? " " Too many people were ate by the Pokemon , " would inevitably be the answer . But that didn 't sound right . They wouldn 't really open up a place dangerous enough to kill people , would they ? And if they did , why would it take more than one death to finally shut it down ? " What did the trainers do in there ? " " They looked at the Pokémon , duh . Oh , and they got ate by ' em . " Zoos had cages . How could the Pokémon eat all of these people if it was really a zoo ? Even if they broke through the bars , shouldn 't there be some kind of security there ? " Okay , well why didn 't the trainers just use their own Pokémon to fight the wild ones ? " " Are you stupid ? Those are the strongest Pokémon in the world . They beat everything . " That was just silly . How could the people who made the zoo get the Pokémon in there if they were " the strongest " ? And why did the Pokémon stay there ? There was a kid , Billy , twelve years old , and his friend , Molly , about the same age , who asked these kinds of questions . They both questioned things , especially if they seemed fishy , which was probably the reason they were both in the top of in their class . I guess that 's why they became friends . When everyone else their age just wanted to play and pretend , they both liked to point out the flaws in the other kids ' logic . " That 's dumb . " That would be Molly . She could always follow Billy 's train of thought . " There 's only one Mew . And that one might not even exist ! " Heh . They weren 't the most popular kids on the playground , needless to say . But they had each other , so I don 't think they minded too much . Anyway , that kind of straight thinking is what made them go to the Safari Zone to find out for themselves if all of those rumors were true . Their parents didn 't know they went , obviously . Who would let their children go running around a wild animal preserve ? But there they were , staring at the faded jungle - themed paint that had been there since the mid - nineties . It didn 't look all that scary . If anything , the cartoonish Pokémon smiling wide - eyed and staring forward made it look almost like an amusement park . Molly tried opening the door and found it to be locked , probably announcing it the way she liked to do , so the two decided that they 'd have to break a window . So at this point , the glass was broken and all over the grass but they were careful to avoid it . Billy lifted Molly through the opening and she pulled him up . She may have been a girl but she could get just as rough as the boys . No way Rachel or Courtney could 've pulled someone up like that . The room was empty . Like , not just being left home alone empty , but really empty . The kind of empty that made you sad . It was dark and dusty and I 'm pretty sure there were two long counters on either side and shelves on the walls . They checked out that place for a little bit but neither of them was very interested in it . In fact , looking around at all of the bleakness sort of made them want to go home . They didn 't admit it , though . Instead , they walked through the next door . It hadn 't been locked . Another safety precaution that seriously should 've been taken . But they didn 't think about that , instead just being happy to have some fresh air to breathe . They were lucky it was such a warm night . Or unlucky . A cold night might have kept them inside . But that doesn 't really matter now . Alright , let me set the scene they saw for you . The tall grass you see around the country and stuff was everywhere . There were a few trails here and there but it was mostly just overgrown . There were tall fences all over the place , bordering this particular field except for one part that you could walk through to their right , but they didn 't notice that until later . The first thing they saw was a house . A green house . It looked pretty old . It was a long time ago , but I 'm pretty sure that Molly was the one who wanted to go inside . So they both ran up to it and pushed open the door . It was stuck pretty tight so they both had to shove it at the same time . Inside was even worse than the front gate . Vines were tangled around everything and there were broken tables and chairs littering the dirty wooden floor . Billy got chills looking around , I know that for sure . I think he wondered if that was where the trainers had been when they had gotten eaten . He pictured innocent people sitting around the tables , talking about their Pokémon , and then getting attacked by a vicious , wild animal . Of course , he soon reminded himself that nobody had been eaten . One of them - probably Billy - suggested leaving the hut and the other gladly accepted . There was an aura about that place . It just didn 't feel right . " That place is just old , is all . " Molly said something like that . Something really logical , you know ? Billy couldn 't even tell if she was scared . He had always admired her ability to hide her fear . He was also jealous , but he never admitted it . I 'm sure that neither of them particularly wanted to continue on but they would rather push forward than risk embarrassment . They were really hard on each other and it had become a friendly battle that bled into each following day . Molly would say something especially intelligent for her age and then Billy would have to find a way to top it . They had tried to beat each other since the day they met and it continued until the day they parted . Night , actually . After walking a few minutes and going through that right gate I told you about earlier , they both heard this horrific , sickening cry from their right . It was something like a throaty , wet hiss mixed with a growl and it was scarier than anything the two had encountered before . I can imagine the next part pretty clearly in my mind so I 'll do my best to describe it . Two giant pincers - taller than Billy or Molly - stuck out of the grass . They had thorny bump things all over them and it was easy to imagine someone getting squeezed to death , pretty painfully , between them . Then , the really ugly Pokémon that the horns belonged to charged out . It was dark green , I think , and had these beady little eyes and stubby arms with claws on the end . Molly screamed " Run ! " and they took off . They didn 't know where they were going but thinking about it now , they were definitely running farther into the Safari Zone , which was a really stupid thing to do . That whatever - it - was followed them for what seemed like miles and they heard that same hissing right behind them the entire time . It 's hard to remember , but I think Billy was the one who finally saw the house . It was another one of those huts but this one was way more run - down . But still , they made it inside and slammed the door behind them , twisting the lock as fast as they could . They had both started crying by this point buth neither of them even cared enough to hide it . They both ran to the center of the room - which didn 't have an actual floor , by the way . It was just dirt - and watched the entrance . There was scraping , more hissing , and banging . Boom ! Boom … I can still hear it … Uh , Billy was … I know that he was thinking about the eaten trainers . If he had been right , if these little buildings were the places where those people had been attacked , then they didn 't have long . That Pokémon could break through that door eventually . And it did . Its two horn things busted through the wood , sticking through and writhing violently as the thing forced its way in . Luckily , Billy had been ready and he and Molly had escaped through the back window and taken off through the field . Is it alright if I don 't describe the next few hours ? It was a long night and a bunch of stuff happened . Besides , I know what you 're waiting to hear . Basically , they had seen a whole lot of Pokémon . Some were actually kind of friendly but others were definitely not . There were more chases that usually ended with a run - in with another Pokémon that wanted to fight whatever happened to be chasing the kids at the time . They had managed to survive , though , and had camped out on top of a miniature cliff - thing . It was like ten or fifteen feet off of the ground and the only way to get up there was to climb the rock wall . They thought that getting out during the daylight would be a lot easier than at night . But then they saw them . They were big things , fat and brown , and they stood upright . It looked like they all had babies in pouches . These Pokemon had started to slowly move across the field in front of us . Molly got really , really interested in them , especially when they started doing this weird … lullaby thing . Billy … he tried to pull her back , but she leaned on the edge of the cliff and just stared at them . I knew … Billy could tell that it was happening but it happened too fast for him to stop it . He would 've if he could have … but the rock underneath her broke and she fell and landed on the ground . " I 'm okay ! " That 's what she yelled . She yelled it way too loudly . If she just wouldn 't have yelled … but … uh … that got the attention of all of those Pokémon . The ones singing . And then they … they just charged at her . She realized what she had done . I guess she even realized it in time , because she started climbing up as fast as she could . Billy reached out his hand and they grabbed each other . All of those animals were right under them now , jumping and screaming . Screaming like they were being tortured . Molly had footing on the wall , but she slipped . Billy didn 't know it had happened at first . He just felt all of her weight become suddenly dependent on his arm . It almost pulled him down . He knew he wouldn 't be able to lift her up . He couldn 't even hold on much longer . There were so many other things going on but all that I could th - All that Billy could think about was how , if the situation was reversed , Molly would have pulled him up in a second . But Billy couldn 't . He couldn 't even hold on . . . . I don 't know what to say . . . really , I don 't . Though I AM confused as to who was narrating . ( Probably because I didn 't read the other one - shots . ) I wouldn 't say it was frightening , but there was something uneasy about this . I mean . . . yeah , the Safari Zone is pretty wild . . . but that was just . . . . . . stupid kids . . . I imaged Molly to be Molly Hale . * shrugs * Don 't think you were doing for that , though , so it made it the more uneasy . . . . actually , I think I 'm a little disturbed now . . . maybe . Firstly , your narration was a bit odd , and made it very strange to read . At points , I couldn 't understand what was happening . Your description is fine ( when you use it ) , and so is your punctuation and spelling . Your style of writing and narration were the things that let it down . Is it alright if I don 't describe the next few hours ? It was a long night and a bunch of stuff happened . Besides , I know what you 're waiting to hear . This is a no go in stories . Unless ( like kutie pie said ) the narration is something to do with your other one - off 's , I wouldn 't do things like the above . A group of 10 special trainers have been essembled by Professor Birch in a unexplored land . Their mission - to find some special stones to stop Team Magma and Team Aqua from getting them so that the professors can start their indistrialisation of the place . Follow their adventures in " Regional Conflict - The Five Sacred Stones . Please read , and review : ) Here is the link . http : / / www . serebiiforums . com / showthread . php ? t = 482753 Last chapter - Chapter 10 : The Tides of Terror No , I 'm afraid it wasn 't Molly Hale ( specifically . I suppose it could be Molly Hale if you really , really wanted it to be . XD ) Firstly , your narration was a bit odd , and made it very strange to read . At points , I couldn 't understand what was happening . Your description is fine ( when you use it ) , and so is your punctuation and spelling . Your style of writing and narration were the things that let it down . Now to the narrator . It was Billy . Yes , he was speaking in third person ( although , as the story gets a little more " intense , " I guess you could say , he slips up a few times and says " I " before pausing and correcting himself by saying " Billy " instead ) . It 's not part of the story , just something I used to get in the proper mindset , but I imagined a reporter doing a story on those two kids who snuck into the Safari Zone a few years ago , and Billy contacting him and telling him he had information on it without giving away his identity ( because honestly , who wants to be publicly known as the kid who let a girl fall to her death ? ) . So yeah . : P Anyway , thank you both for reading and reviewing . : ) I 'm sorry it confused you , but hopefully you got some enjoyment out of it despite that .
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" It 's a zoo , but just for trainers . " That was the popular playground quote regarding the shut - down Safari Zone . But a statement like that only raised questions . " Why was it closed ? " " Too many people were ate by the Pokemon , " would inevitably be the answer . But that didn 't sound right . They wouldn 't really open up a place dangerous enough to kill people , would they ? And if they did , why would it take more than one death to finally shut it down ? " What did the trainers do in there ? " " They looked at the Pokémon , duh . Oh , and they got ate by ' em . " Zoos had cages . How could the Pokémon eat all of these people if it was really a zoo ? Even if they broke through the bars , shouldn 't there be some kind of security there ? " Okay , well why didn 't the trainers just use their own Pokémon to fight the wild ones ? " " Are you stupid ? Those are the strongest Pokémon in the world . They beat everything . " That was just silly . How could the people who made the zoo get the Pokémon in there if they were " the strongest " ? And why did the Pokémon stay there ? There was a kid , Billy , twelve years old , and his friend , Molly , about the same age , who asked these kinds of questions . They both questioned things , especially if they seemed fishy , which was probably the reason they were both in the top of in their class . I guess that 's why they became friends . When everyone else their age just wanted to play and pretend , they both liked to point out the flaws in the other kids ' logic . " That 's dumb . " That would be Molly . She could always follow Billy 's train of thought . " There 's only one Mew . And that one might not even exist ! " Heh . They weren 't the most popular kids on the playground , needless to say . But they had each other , so I don 't think they minded too much . Anyway , that kind of straight thinking is what made them go to the Safari Zone to find out for themselves if all of those rumors were true . Their parents didn 't know they went , obviously . Who would let their children go running around a wild animal preserve ? But there they were , staring at the faded jungle - themed paint that had been there since the mid - nineties . It didn 't look all that scary . If anything , the cartoonish Pokémon smiling wide - eyed and staring forward made it look almost like an amusement park . Molly tried opening the door and found it to be locked , probably announcing it the way she liked to do , so the two decided that they 'd have to break a window . So at this point , the glass was broken and all over the grass but they were careful to avoid it . Billy lifted Molly through the opening and she pulled him up . She may have been a girl but she could get just as rough as the boys . No way Rachel or Courtney could 've pulled someone up like that . The room was empty . Like , not just being left home alone empty , but really empty . The kind of empty that made you sad . It was dark and dusty and I 'm pretty sure there were two long counters on either side and shelves on the walls . They checked out that place for a little bit but neither of them was very interested in it . In fact , looking around at all of the bleakness sort of made them want to go home . They didn 't admit it , though . Instead , they walked through the next door . It hadn 't been locked . Another safety precaution that seriously should 've been taken . But they didn 't think about that , instead just being happy to have some fresh air to breathe . They were lucky it was such a warm night . Or unlucky . A cold night might have kept them inside . But that doesn 't really matter now . Alright , let me set the scene they saw for you . The tall grass you see around the country and stuff was everywhere . There were a few trails here and there but it was mostly just overgrown . There were tall fences all over the place , bordering this particular field except for one part that you could walk through to their right , but they didn 't notice that until later . The first thing they saw was a house . A green house . It looked pretty old . It was a long time ago , but I 'm pretty sure that Molly was the one who wanted to go inside . So they both ran up to it and pushed open the door . It was stuck pretty tight so they both had to shove it at the same time . Inside was even worse than the front gate . Vines were tangled around everything and there were broken tables and chairs littering the dirty wooden floor . Billy got chills looking around , I know that for sure . I think he wondered if that was where the trainers had been when they had gotten eaten . He pictured innocent people sitting around the tables , talking about their Pokémon , and then getting attacked by a vicious , wild animal . Of course , he soon reminded himself that nobody had been eaten . One of them - probably Billy - suggested leaving the hut and the other gladly accepted . There was an aura about that place . It just didn 't feel right . " That place is just old , is all . " Molly said something like that . Something really logical , you know ? Billy couldn 't even tell if she was scared . He had always admired her ability to hide her fear . He was also jealous , but he never admitted it . I 'm sure that neither of them particularly wanted to continue on but they would rather push forward than risk embarrassment . They were really hard on each other and it had become a friendly battle that bled into each following day . Molly would say something especially intelligent for her age and then Billy would have to find a way to top it . They had tried to beat each other since the day they met and it continued until the day they parted . Night , actually . After walking a few minutes and going through that right gate I told you about earlier , they both heard this horrific , sickening cry from their right . It was something like a throaty , wet hiss mixed with a growl and it was scarier than anything the two had encountered before . I can imagine the next part pretty clearly in my mind so I 'll do my best to describe it . Two giant pincers - taller than Billy or Molly - stuck out of the grass . They had thorny bump things all over them and it was easy to imagine someone getting squeezed to death , pretty painfully , between them . Then , the really ugly Pokémon that the horns belonged to charged out . It was dark green , I think , and had these beady little eyes and stubby arms with claws on the end . Molly screamed " Run ! " and they took off . They didn 't know where they were going but thinking about it now , they were definitely running farther into the Safari Zone , which was a really stupid thing to do . That whatever - it - was followed them for what seemed like miles and they heard that same hissing right behind them the entire time . It 's hard to remember , but I think Billy was the one who finally saw the house . It was another one of those huts but this one was way more run - down . But still , they made it inside and slammed the door behind them , twisting the lock as fast as they could . They had both started crying by this point buth neither of them even cared enough to hide it . They both ran to the center of the room - which didn 't have an actual floor , by the way . It was just dirt - and watched the entrance . There was scraping , more hissing , and banging . Boom ! Boom … I can still hear it … Uh , Billy was … I know that he was thinking about the eaten trainers . If he had been right , if these little buildings were the places where those people had been attacked , then they didn 't have long . That Pokémon could break through that door eventually . And it did . Its two horn things busted through the wood , sticking through and writhing violently as the thing forced its way in . Luckily , Billy had been ready and he and Molly had escaped through the back window and taken off through the field . Is it alright if I don 't describe the next few hours ? It was a long night and a bunch of stuff happened . Besides , I know what you 're waiting to hear . Basically , they had seen a whole lot of Pokémon . Some were actually kind of friendly but others were definitely not . There were more chases that usually ended with a run - in with another Pokémon that wanted to fight whatever happened to be chasing the kids at the time . They had managed to survive , though , and had camped out on top of a miniature cliff - thing . It was like ten or fifteen feet off of the ground and the only way to get up there was to climb the rock wall . They thought that getting out during the daylight would be a lot easier than at night . But then they saw them . They were big things , fat and brown , and they stood upright . It looked like they all had babies in pouches . These Pokemon had started to slowly move across the field in front of us . Molly got really , really interested in them , especially when they started doing this weird … lullaby thing . Billy … he tried to pull her back , but she leaned on the edge of the cliff and just stared at them . I knew … Billy could tell that it was happening but it happened too fast for him to stop it . He would 've if he could have … but the rock underneath her broke and she fell and landed on the ground . " I 'm okay ! " That 's what she yelled . She yelled it way too loudly . If she just wouldn 't have yelled … but … uh … that got the attention of all of those Pokémon . The ones singing . And then they … they just charged at her . She realized what she had done . I guess she even realized it in time , because she started climbing up as fast as she could . Billy reached out his hand and they grabbed each other . All of those animals were right under them now , jumping and screaming . Screaming like they were being tortured . Molly had footing on the wall , but she slipped . Billy didn 't know it had happened at first . He just felt all of her weight become suddenly dependent on his arm . It almost pulled him down . He knew he wouldn 't be able to lift her up . He couldn 't even hold on much longer . There were so many other things going on but all that I could th - All that Billy could think about was how , if the situation was reversed , Molly would have pulled him up in a second . But Billy couldn 't . He couldn 't even hold on . . . . I don 't know what to say . . . really , I don 't . Though I AM confused as to who was narrating . ( Probably because I didn 't read the other one - shots . ) I wouldn 't say it was frightening , but there was something uneasy about this . I mean . . . yeah , the Safari Zone is pretty wild . . . but that was just . . . . . . stupid kids . . . I imaged Molly to be Molly Hale . * shrugs * Don 't think you were doing for that , though , so it made it the more uneasy . . . . actually , I think I 'm a little disturbed now . . . maybe . Firstly , your narration was a bit odd , and made it very strange to read . At points , I couldn 't understand what was happening . Your description is fine ( when you use it ) , and so is your punctuation and spelling . Your style of writing and narration were the things that let it down . Is it alright if I don 't describe the next few hours ? It was a long night and a bunch of stuff happened . Besides , I know what you 're waiting to hear . This is a no go in stories . Unless ( like kutie pie said ) the narration is something to do with your other one - off 's , I wouldn 't do things like the above . A group of 10 special trainers have been essembled by Professor Birch in a unexplored land . Their mission - to find some special stones to stop Team Magma and Team Aqua from getting them so that the professors can start their indistrialisation of the place . Follow their adventures in " Regional Conflict - The Five Sacred Stones . Please read , and review : ) Here is the link . http : / / www . serebiiforums . com / showthread . php ? t = 482753 Last chapter - Chapter 10 : The Tides of Terror No , I 'm afraid it wasn 't Molly Hale ( specifically . I suppose it could be Molly Hale if you really , really wanted it to be . XD ) Firstly , your narration was a bit odd , and made it very strange to read . At points , I couldn 't understand what was happening . Your description is fine ( when you use it ) , and so is your punctuation and spelling . Your style of writing and narration were the things that let it down . Now to the narrator . It was Billy . Yes , he was speaking in third person ( although , as the story gets a little more " intense , " I guess you could say , he slips up a few times and says " I " before pausing and correcting himself by saying " Billy " instead ) . It 's not part of the story , just something I used to get in the proper mindset , but I imagined a reporter doing a story on those two kids who snuck into the Safari Zone a few years ago , and Billy contacting him and telling him he had information on it without giving away his identity ( because honestly , who wants to be publicly known as the kid who let a girl fall to her death ? ) . So yeah . : P Anyway , thank you both for reading and reviewing . : ) I 'm sorry it confused you , but hopefully you got some enjoyment out of it despite that .
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" It 's a zoo , but just for trainers . " That was the popular playground quote regarding the shut - down Safari Zone . But a statement like that only raised questions . " Why was it closed ? " " Too many people were ate by the Pokemon , " would inevitably be the answer . But that didn 't sound right . They wouldn 't really open up a place dangerous enough to kill people , would they ? And if they did , why would it take more than one death to finally shut it down ? " What did the trainers do in there ? " " They looked at the Pokémon , duh . Oh , and they got ate by ' em . " Zoos had cages . How could the Pokémon eat all of these people if it was really a zoo ? Even if they broke through the bars , shouldn 't there be some kind of security there ? " Okay , well why didn 't the trainers just use their own Pokémon to fight the wild ones ? " " Are you stupid ? Those are the strongest Pokémon in the world . They beat everything . " That was just silly . How could the people who made the zoo get the Pokémon in there if they were " the strongest " ? And why did the Pokémon stay there ? There was a kid , Billy , twelve years old , and his friend , Molly , about the same age , who asked these kinds of questions . They both questioned things , especially if they seemed fishy , which was probably the reason they were both in the top of in their class . I guess that 's why they became friends . When everyone else their age just wanted to play and pretend , they both liked to point out the flaws in the other kids ' logic . " That 's dumb . " That would be Molly . She could always follow Billy 's train of thought . " There 's only one Mew . And that one might not even exist ! " Heh . They weren 't the most popular kids on the playground , needless to say . But they had each other , so I don 't think they minded too much . Anyway , that kind of straight thinking is what made them go to the Safari Zone to find out for themselves if all of those rumors were true . Their parents didn 't know they went , obviously . Who would let their children go running around a wild animal preserve ? But there they were , staring at the faded jungle - themed paint that had been there since the mid - nineties . It didn 't look all that scary . If anything , the cartoonish Pokémon smiling wide - eyed and staring forward made it look almost like an amusement park . Molly tried opening the door and found it to be locked , probably announcing it the way she liked to do , so the two decided that they 'd have to break a window . So at this point , the glass was broken and all over the grass but they were careful to avoid it . Billy lifted Molly through the opening and she pulled him up . She may have been a girl but she could get just as rough as the boys . No way Rachel or Courtney could 've pulled someone up like that . The room was empty . Like , not just being left home alone empty , but really empty . The kind of empty that made you sad . It was dark and dusty and I 'm pretty sure there were two long counters on either side and shelves on the walls . They checked out that place for a little bit but neither of them was very interested in it . In fact , looking around at all of the bleakness sort of made them want to go home . They didn 't admit it , though . Instead , they walked through the next door . It hadn 't been locked . Another safety precaution that seriously should 've been taken . But they didn 't think about that , instead just being happy to have some fresh air to breathe . They were lucky it was such a warm night . Or unlucky . A cold night might have kept them inside . But that doesn 't really matter now . Alright , let me set the scene they saw for you . The tall grass you see around the country and stuff was everywhere . There were a few trails here and there but it was mostly just overgrown . There were tall fences all over the place , bordering this particular field except for one part that you could walk through to their right , but they didn 't notice that until later . The first thing they saw was a house . A green house . It looked pretty old . It was a long time ago , but I 'm pretty sure that Molly was the one who wanted to go inside . So they both ran up to it and pushed open the door . It was stuck pretty tight so they both had to shove it at the same time . Inside was even worse than the front gate . Vines were tangled around everything and there were broken tables and chairs littering the dirty wooden floor . Billy got chills looking around , I know that for sure . I think he wondered if that was where the trainers had been when they had gotten eaten . He pictured innocent people sitting around the tables , talking about their Pokémon , and then getting attacked by a vicious , wild animal . Of course , he soon reminded himself that nobody had been eaten . One of them - probably Billy - suggested leaving the hut and the other gladly accepted . There was an aura about that place . It just didn 't feel right . " That place is just old , is all . " Molly said something like that . Something really logical , you know ? Billy couldn 't even tell if she was scared . He had always admired her ability to hide her fear . He was also jealous , but he never admitted it . I 'm sure that neither of them particularly wanted to continue on but they would rather push forward than risk embarrassment . They were really hard on each other and it had become a friendly battle that bled into each following day . Molly would say something especially intelligent for her age and then Billy would have to find a way to top it . They had tried to beat each other since the day they met and it continued until the day they parted . Night , actually . After walking a few minutes and going through that right gate I told you about earlier , they both heard this horrific , sickening cry from their right . It was something like a throaty , wet hiss mixed with a growl and it was scarier than anything the two had encountered before . I can imagine the next part pretty clearly in my mind so I 'll do my best to describe it . Two giant pincers - taller than Billy or Molly - stuck out of the grass . They had thorny bump things all over them and it was easy to imagine someone getting squeezed to death , pretty painfully , between them . Then , the really ugly Pokémon that the horns belonged to charged out . It was dark green , I think , and had these beady little eyes and stubby arms with claws on the end . Molly screamed " Run ! " and they took off . They didn 't know where they were going but thinking about it now , they were definitely running farther into the Safari Zone , which was a really stupid thing to do . That whatever - it - was followed them for what seemed like miles and they heard that same hissing right behind them the entire time . It 's hard to remember , but I think Billy was the one who finally saw the house . It was another one of those huts but this one was way more run - down . But still , they made it inside and slammed the door behind them , twisting the lock as fast as they could . They had both started crying by this point buth neither of them even cared enough to hide it . They both ran to the center of the room - which didn 't have an actual floor , by the way . It was just dirt - and watched the entrance . There was scraping , more hissing , and banging . Boom ! Boom … I can still hear it … Uh , Billy was … I know that he was thinking about the eaten trainers . If he had been right , if these little buildings were the places where those people had been attacked , then they didn 't have long . That Pokémon could break through that door eventually . And it did . Its two horn things busted through the wood , sticking through and writhing violently as the thing forced its way in . Luckily , Billy had been ready and he and Molly had escaped through the back window and taken off through the field . Is it alright if I don 't describe the next few hours ? It was a long night and a bunch of stuff happened . Besides , I know what you 're waiting to hear . Basically , they had seen a whole lot of Pokémon . Some were actually kind of friendly but others were definitely not . There were more chases that usually ended with a run - in with another Pokémon that wanted to fight whatever happened to be chasing the kids at the time . They had managed to survive , though , and had camped out on top of a miniature cliff - thing . It was like ten or fifteen feet off of the ground and the only way to get up there was to climb the rock wall . They thought that getting out during the daylight would be a lot easier than at night . But then they saw them . They were big things , fat and brown , and they stood upright . It looked like they all had babies in pouches . These Pokemon had started to slowly move across the field in front of us . Molly got really , really interested in them , especially when they started doing this weird … lullaby thing . Billy … he tried to pull her back , but she leaned on the edge of the cliff and just stared at them . I knew … Billy could tell that it was happening but it happened too fast for him to stop it . He would 've if he could have … but the rock underneath her broke and she fell and landed on the ground . " I 'm okay ! " That 's what she yelled . She yelled it way too loudly . If she just wouldn 't have yelled … but … uh … that got the attention of all of those Pokémon . The ones singing . And then they … they just charged at her . She realized what she had done . I guess she even realized it in time , because she started climbing up as fast as she could . Billy reached out his hand and they grabbed each other . All of those animals were right under them now , jumping and screaming . Screaming like they were being tortured . Molly had footing on the wall , but she slipped . Billy didn 't know it had happened at first . He just felt all of her weight become suddenly dependent on his arm . It almost pulled him down . He knew he wouldn 't be able to lift her up . He couldn 't even hold on much longer . There were so many other things going on but all that I could th - All that Billy could think about was how , if the situation was reversed , Molly would have pulled him up in a second . But Billy couldn 't . He couldn 't even hold on . . . . I don 't know what to say . . . really , I don 't . Though I AM confused as to who was narrating . ( Probably because I didn 't read the other one - shots . ) I wouldn 't say it was frightening , but there was something uneasy about this . I mean . . . yeah , the Safari Zone is pretty wild . . . but that was just . . . . . . stupid kids . . . I imaged Molly to be Molly Hale . * shrugs * Don 't think you were doing for that , though , so it made it the more uneasy . . . . actually , I think I 'm a little disturbed now . . . maybe . Firstly , your narration was a bit odd , and made it very strange to read . At points , I couldn 't understand what was happening . Your description is fine ( when you use it ) , and so is your punctuation and spelling . Your style of writing and narration were the things that let it down . Is it alright if I don 't describe the next few hours ? It was a long night and a bunch of stuff happened . Besides , I know what you 're waiting to hear . This is a no go in stories . Unless ( like kutie pie said ) the narration is something to do with your other one - off 's , I wouldn 't do things like the above . A group of 10 special trainers have been essembled by Professor Birch in a unexplored land . Their mission - to find some special stones to stop Team Magma and Team Aqua from getting them so that the professors can start their indistrialisation of the place . Follow their adventures in " Regional Conflict - The Five Sacred Stones . Please read , and review : ) Here is the link . http : / / www . serebiiforums . com / showthread . php ? t = 482753 Last chapter - Chapter 10 : The Tides of Terror No , I 'm afraid it wasn 't Molly Hale ( specifically . I suppose it could be Molly Hale if you really , really wanted it to be . XD ) Firstly , your narration was a bit odd , and made it very strange to read . At points , I couldn 't understand what was happening . Your description is fine ( when you use it ) , and so is your punctuation and spelling . Your style of writing and narration were the things that let it down . Now to the narrator . It was Billy . Yes , he was speaking in third person ( although , as the story gets a little more " intense , " I guess you could say , he slips up a few times and says " I " before pausing and correcting himself by saying " Billy " instead ) . It 's not part of the story , just something I used to get in the proper mindset , but I imagined a reporter doing a story on those two kids who snuck into the Safari Zone a few years ago , and Billy contacting him and telling him he had information on it without giving away his identity ( because honestly , who wants to be publicly known as the kid who let a girl fall to her death ? ) . So yeah . : P Anyway , thank you both for reading and reviewing . : ) I 'm sorry it confused you , but hopefully you got some enjoyment out of it despite that .
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" It 's a zoo , but just for trainers . " That was the popular playground quote regarding the shut - down Safari Zone . But a statement like that only raised questions . " Why was it closed ? " " Too many people were ate by the Pokemon , " would inevitably be the answer . But that didn 't sound right . They wouldn 't really open up a place dangerous enough to kill people , would they ? And if they did , why would it take more than one death to finally shut it down ? " What did the trainers do in there ? " " They looked at the Pokémon , duh . Oh , and they got ate by ' em . " Zoos had cages . How could the Pokémon eat all of these people if it was really a zoo ? Even if they broke through the bars , shouldn 't there be some kind of security there ? " Okay , well why didn 't the trainers just use their own Pokémon to fight the wild ones ? " " Are you stupid ? Those are the strongest Pokémon in the world . They beat everything . " That was just silly . How could the people who made the zoo get the Pokémon in there if they were " the strongest " ? And why did the Pokémon stay there ? There was a kid , Billy , twelve years old , and his friend , Molly , about the same age , who asked these kinds of questions . They both questioned things , especially if they seemed fishy , which was probably the reason they were both in the top of in their class . I guess that 's why they became friends . When everyone else their age just wanted to play and pretend , they both liked to point out the flaws in the other kids ' logic . " That 's dumb . " That would be Molly . She could always follow Billy 's train of thought . " There 's only one Mew . And that one might not even exist ! " Heh . They weren 't the most popular kids on the playground , needless to say . But they had each other , so I don 't think they minded too much . Anyway , that kind of straight thinking is what made them go to the Safari Zone to find out for themselves if all of those rumors were true . Their parents didn 't know they went , obviously . Who would let their children go running around a wild animal preserve ? But there they were , staring at the faded jungle - themed paint that had been there since the mid - nineties . It didn 't look all that scary . If anything , the cartoonish Pokémon smiling wide - eyed and staring forward made it look almost like an amusement park . Molly tried opening the door and found it to be locked , probably announcing it the way she liked to do , so the two decided that they 'd have to break a window . So at this point , the glass was broken and all over the grass but they were careful to avoid it . Billy lifted Molly through the opening and she pulled him up . She may have been a girl but she could get just as rough as the boys . No way Rachel or Courtney could 've pulled someone up like that . The room was empty . Like , not just being left home alone empty , but really empty . The kind of empty that made you sad . It was dark and dusty and I 'm pretty sure there were two long counters on either side and shelves on the walls . They checked out that place for a little bit but neither of them was very interested in it . In fact , looking around at all of the bleakness sort of made them want to go home . They didn 't admit it , though . Instead , they walked through the next door . It hadn 't been locked . Another safety precaution that seriously should 've been taken . But they didn 't think about that , instead just being happy to have some fresh air to breathe . They were lucky it was such a warm night . Or unlucky . A cold night might have kept them inside . But that doesn 't really matter now . Alright , let me set the scene they saw for you . The tall grass you see around the country and stuff was everywhere . There were a few trails here and there but it was mostly just overgrown . There were tall fences all over the place , bordering this particular field except for one part that you could walk through to their right , but they didn 't notice that until later . The first thing they saw was a house . A green house . It looked pretty old . It was a long time ago , but I 'm pretty sure that Molly was the one who wanted to go inside . So they both ran up to it and pushed open the door . It was stuck pretty tight so they both had to shove it at the same time . Inside was even worse than the front gate . Vines were tangled around everything and there were broken tables and chairs littering the dirty wooden floor . Billy got chills looking around , I know that for sure . I think he wondered if that was where the trainers had been when they had gotten eaten . He pictured innocent people sitting around the tables , talking about their Pokémon , and then getting attacked by a vicious , wild animal . Of course , he soon reminded himself that nobody had been eaten . One of them - probably Billy - suggested leaving the hut and the other gladly accepted . There was an aura about that place . It just didn 't feel right . " That place is just old , is all . " Molly said something like that . Something really logical , you know ? Billy couldn 't even tell if she was scared . He had always admired her ability to hide her fear . He was also jealous , but he never admitted it . I 'm sure that neither of them particularly wanted to continue on but they would rather push forward than risk embarrassment . They were really hard on each other and it had become a friendly battle that bled into each following day . Molly would say something especially intelligent for her age and then Billy would have to find a way to top it . They had tried to beat each other since the day they met and it continued until the day they parted . Night , actually . After walking a few minutes and going through that right gate I told you about earlier , they both heard this horrific , sickening cry from their right . It was something like a throaty , wet hiss mixed with a growl and it was scarier than anything the two had encountered before . I can imagine the next part pretty clearly in my mind so I 'll do my best to describe it . Two giant pincers - taller than Billy or Molly - stuck out of the grass . They had thorny bump things all over them and it was easy to imagine someone getting squeezed to death , pretty painfully , between them . Then , the really ugly Pokémon that the horns belonged to charged out . It was dark green , I think , and had these beady little eyes and stubby arms with claws on the end . Molly screamed " Run ! " and they took off . They didn 't know where they were going but thinking about it now , they were definitely running farther into the Safari Zone , which was a really stupid thing to do . That whatever - it - was followed them for what seemed like miles and they heard that same hissing right behind them the entire time . It 's hard to remember , but I think Billy was the one who finally saw the house . It was another one of those huts but this one was way more run - down . But still , they made it inside and slammed the door behind them , twisting the lock as fast as they could . They had both started crying by this point buth neither of them even cared enough to hide it . They both ran to the center of the room - which didn 't have an actual floor , by the way . It was just dirt - and watched the entrance . There was scraping , more hissing , and banging . Boom ! Boom … I can still hear it … Uh , Billy was … I know that he was thinking about the eaten trainers . If he had been right , if these little buildings were the places where those people had been attacked , then they didn 't have long . That Pokémon could break through that door eventually . And it did . Its two horn things busted through the wood , sticking through and writhing violently as the thing forced its way in . Luckily , Billy had been ready and he and Molly had escaped through the back window and taken off through the field . Is it alright if I don 't describe the next few hours ? It was a long night and a bunch of stuff happened . Besides , I know what you 're waiting to hear . Basically , they had seen a whole lot of Pokémon . Some were actually kind of friendly but others were definitely not . There were more chases that usually ended with a run - in with another Pokémon that wanted to fight whatever happened to be chasing the kids at the time . They had managed to survive , though , and had camped out on top of a miniature cliff - thing . It was like ten or fifteen feet off of the ground and the only way to get up there was to climb the rock wall . They thought that getting out during the daylight would be a lot easier than at night . But then they saw them . They were big things , fat and brown , and they stood upright . It looked like they all had babies in pouches . These Pokemon had started to slowly move across the field in front of us . Molly got really , really interested in them , especially when they started doing this weird … lullaby thing . Billy … he tried to pull her back , but she leaned on the edge of the cliff and just stared at them . I knew … Billy could tell that it was happening but it happened too fast for him to stop it . He would 've if he could have … but the rock underneath her broke and she fell and landed on the ground . " I 'm okay ! " That 's what she yelled . She yelled it way too loudly . If she just wouldn 't have yelled … but … uh … that got the attention of all of those Pokémon . The ones singing . And then they … they just charged at her . She realized what she had done . I guess she even realized it in time , because she started climbing up as fast as she could . Billy reached out his hand and they grabbed each other . All of those animals were right under them now , jumping and screaming . Screaming like they were being tortured . Molly had footing on the wall , but she slipped . Billy didn 't know it had happened at first . He just felt all of her weight become suddenly dependent on his arm . It almost pulled him down . He knew he wouldn 't be able to lift her up . He couldn 't even hold on much longer . There were so many other things going on but all that I could th - All that Billy could think about was how , if the situation was reversed , Molly would have pulled him up in a second . But Billy couldn 't . He couldn 't even hold on . . . . I don 't know what to say . . . really , I don 't . Though I AM confused as to who was narrating . ( Probably because I didn 't read the other one - shots . ) I wouldn 't say it was frightening , but there was something uneasy about this . I mean . . . yeah , the Safari Zone is pretty wild . . . but that was just . . . . . . stupid kids . . . I imaged Molly to be Molly Hale . * shrugs * Don 't think you were doing for that , though , so it made it the more uneasy . . . . actually , I think I 'm a little disturbed now . . . maybe . Firstly , your narration was a bit odd , and made it very strange to read . At points , I couldn 't understand what was happening . Your description is fine ( when you use it ) , and so is your punctuation and spelling . Your style of writing and narration were the things that let it down . Is it alright if I don 't describe the next few hours ? It was a long night and a bunch of stuff happened . Besides , I know what you 're waiting to hear . This is a no go in stories . Unless ( like kutie pie said ) the narration is something to do with your other one - off 's , I wouldn 't do things like the above . A group of 10 special trainers have been essembled by Professor Birch in a unexplored land . Their mission - to find some special stones to stop Team Magma and Team Aqua from getting them so that the professors can start their indistrialisation of the place . Follow their adventures in " Regional Conflict - The Five Sacred Stones . Please read , and review : ) Here is the link . http : / / www . serebiiforums . com / showthread . php ? t = 482753 Last chapter - Chapter 10 : The Tides of Terror No , I 'm afraid it wasn 't Molly Hale ( specifically . I suppose it could be Molly Hale if you really , really wanted it to be . XD ) Firstly , your narration was a bit odd , and made it very strange to read . At points , I couldn 't understand what was happening . Your description is fine ( when you use it ) , and so is your punctuation and spelling . Your style of writing and narration were the things that let it down . Now to the narrator . It was Billy . Yes , he was speaking in third person ( although , as the story gets a little more " intense , " I guess you could say , he slips up a few times and says " I " before pausing and correcting himself by saying " Billy " instead ) . It 's not part of the story , just something I used to get in the proper mindset , but I imagined a reporter doing a story on those two kids who snuck into the Safari Zone a few years ago , and Billy contacting him and telling him he had information on it without giving away his identity ( because honestly , who wants to be publicly known as the kid who let a girl fall to her death ? ) . So yeah . : P Anyway , thank you both for reading and reviewing . : ) I 'm sorry it confused you , but hopefully you got some enjoyment out of it despite that .
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OK . I 'll admit it . I 've been feeling pretty sorry for myself lately . Things were going rather well for a while and I really believed that my life was turning around … but … I 've sent out at least a dozen job applications and have been granted exactly zero interviews , the dude that I like doesn 't like me ( I believe we 've heard this one before ) , I have a lingering injury that has prevented me from being as active as I would like ( which of course is exacerbating my body anxieties ) , and I 've had to cut out some foods from my diet ( again ) because I was having some unpleasant reactions , so I 'm cranky and hungry . When it rains , it pours … right ? ? I completely understand that things aren 't that bad . I have a place to live , a great family , awesome friends , and the little work that I do have , I love . I had an amazing experience last week as faculty at Camp George and , for the most part , I 'm able to maintain a positive outlook . For the most part . Tomorrow , I 'm leaving for a few weeks on a bit of a nostalgic tour of the Midwest . I 'm going to be visiting people and places that carry with them a lot of memories and emotions for me ( more on the trip in future posts ) , and I 'm a little nervous . Excited , yes … But also nervous . I 'm nervous that the emotions and memories that are brought back will only serve to add to my current feelings of uselessness . I 'm nervous that I won 't be able to snap out of this funk and have a good time . I 'm nervous that the people I see will be disappointed in me and where I am now in my life . I 'm nervous that this little foray into my past is going to make me question some of the decisions that I 've made . I have a feeling though , that I 'm placing way too much importance on this trip . It should be a fun , exciting three weeks . Solo roadtrips are a great opportunity for some self - reflection and self - discovery , but they 're also an opportunity to just let loose , rock out to some music on the radio , and take my mind off of what 's bothering me right now . That 's what I 'm going to try to do . I know that I 'm not very good at ignoring what 's going on in my head , but I hope that the few days of driving and the many days of seeing people that I love and miss will be just the boost that I need . And heck , I get to spend two weeks at the summer camp where I truly discovered who I am , and give back to them by volunteering my time . What could possibly be bad about that ? So yeah , I 'm a little down . I 'm a little trepidatious . But what 's the expression ? Fear is just a sign of great things about to come ? Let 's go with that … I can work with that . I recently found out that I was born with a teeny tiny heart defect . Now , before I go any further , let me just assure all of you out there that I am fine . Really really fine . In fact , we only discovered this heart condition because I was undergoing tests for something else that turned out to be benign . The condition that I have is potentially dangerous in other people , but I have such a mild form of it that my cardiologist is confident that I do not need any kind of treatment . I have no symptoms , and I am at a very low risk of any kind of issues . There are a couple of medications that we now know that I can 't take , and if I ever feel faint or like my heart is racing I need to go to the emergency room , but honestly everything is absolutely fine . The condition is called Wolff - Parkinson - White syndrome ( WPW ) . The simplest way to explain it is that when the upper chamber of the heart sends a signal to the lower chamber telling it that it 's time to beat , the signal passes through one electrical pathway . People with WPW were born with two electrical pathways . Anyone who 's interested in what this means , or wants to know more specifics about it is welcome to look it up - there are plenty of articles online , but the basic idea is that I have extra heart beats . The only danger comes in the event of tachycardia , but again I am at a very low risk . The only inconvenience of this whole thing , is that I now wear a medicalert bracelet . I mean , I like jewellery and all , but this isn 't exactly at the top of my list of stylish accessories . Before I received the bracelet , I hadn 't really thought about the diagnosis at all . Physically , there 's nothing to think about , and yet now , multiple times a day … pretty much anytime I use my right hand … there is a reminder that there 's something not - quite - right with my heart . I 'm not scared , I 'm not worried , I 'm just aware . This constant awareness has me thinking a little bit more about my heart . Not the physical one that has a few too many beats , but the metaphorical heart inside my chest … the supposed centre and source of love within me . The place where we claim that our feelings come from , the place that holds our joy and our pain . I 'm not one that really thinks about my heart that much . I prefer to live in my head , and I tend to separate myself from what 's going on in my heart … At least I try to , with varying levels of success . Heart stuff , emotional stuff , scares me . It seems irrational and impossible to control , which makes me very uncomfortable . I 've always tried to ignore what was going on in my heart , which , as I 'm sure you can all guess , usually ends up backfiring . Instead of feeling things in the moment , I ignore my feelings for as long as I can , until they eventually build up so big that they blowup and I fall apart . Not the healthiest practice , I know . The problem is that no matter how many times I go through the cycle of pushing my feelings away until they explode all over the place , I never seem to learn . I still feel safer ignoring my feelings in the moment , and I seem to forget that they 're just going to come back some other time . Now I have a silver chain on my wrist . Now I have a reminder that I will never take off . It 's been so bizarre to be diagnosed with something that hasn 't caused any symptoms at all . It 's been incredibly strange knowing that I 've had this thing my whole life and we never knew about it , and that had I not gone in for something completely unrelated we may have never known about it . It 's been terribly odd to have an official " syndrome " that has virtually no impact on my physical health . I 've been wondering why it even matters that we found out about it - nothing about me or my regular medical care has changed . Why did I need to know about this at all ? Yes , I 'm sure that you can all see where I 'm going with this . Maybe , just maybe , having this bracelet on my wrist will be the thing that finally reminds me to take care of my heart . Maybe the fact that I can 't stop fiddling with it , or that it never feels like it fits quite as well as it should , is so that I won 't forget that it 's there . Maybe the little metal disc proclaiming to the world that I am a person who could potentially need emergency medical care is actually softly reminding me that the real care I need can only come from myself . Maybe my " new bling " ( as I 've been enjoying calling it ) will finally teach me to be gentle with my own heart . I 'd like to think that there was a point to getting this diagnosis at all , and maybe that point is to teach me to stop fearing my feelings and to embrace them as an unavoidable and integral part of the human experience . I 've always been afraid that I 'm too sensitive . I have always worried that being too sensitive makes me unlikable . But maybe a heart that beats more often than everyone else 's is a heart that requires more care . I don 't think that it 's going to be easy … I KNOW that it 's not going to be easy , but it 's time . My jewelry says so . You know those times when you get a random , long - distance phone call from a friend who usually texts ? You know how you don 't answer the phone right away because you know it 's something bad and you 're driving and just have a feeling that you probably shouldn 't be behind the wheel ? You know how you just get this feeling that you know exactly what that person is calling about , but it 's just too awful , and so you push those thoughts aside and refuse to acknowledge them , for fear of being right ? You know how you hear the news , the news that you somehow already knew , but don 't believe it could really be true , and so can 't process what 's being said ? You know how the pain just rips through your chest , and you feel like you can 't breathe , and you want to scream , but you don 't , because screaming would make it real ? I 'm angry , Leah . I 'm so angry . You fought so damn hard . Your friends and your family fought hard beside you . It was work . It was work pushing through all of the darkness … but you did it . You did it and we got to watch you come out the other side . I 'm angry that you don 't get to do everything that we talked about a couple of weeks ago - everything that was going to propel your life into even higher strata of happiness and fulfillment . I 'm angry that you don 't get to watch her grow up . I 'm angry that you don 't get to share his love . I 'm angry that you don 't get to live the life that you worked so hard to create . I 'm hurting too , Leah . I 'm hurting for your family whose lives are now torn apart . I 'm hurting for your community who need to find a way to replace you , while knowing that you are irreplaceable . I 'm hurting for your sister who is now missing her North Star , her guiding light . I 'm hurting for your mother , who has to bear the burden of burying her child . I 'm hurting for your classmates , your colleagues , your friends , who are all trying to figure out how to process all of this . I 'm also hurting for me ( I know you 'd be proud of me for admitting that ) . I 'm hurting for the role that you played in my past , but more importantly for the role that you should be playing in my future . I 'm not ready to eulogize you , Leah . I 'm so grateful to those who have , and profoundly envious of the people who have been able to beautifully and eloquently express their grief . I guess that 's one of those weird things about knowing so many clergy members - we know how to put into words the things that people really need to hear . But Leah , I 'm not ready to share my memories , not ready to tell people about all of your wonderful qualities . I 'm not ready to laugh about your silly idiosyncrasies . I 'm not ready to pass along the wisdom that you left behind . It 's not time yet . I will - you know I will … And I 'll try to not embarrass you too much . Right now though … No . Right now you are still here . I can 't say goodbye just yet . Right now you are too real , too vibrant , too present in my mind . You 're not gone yet . I know that you will be soon . I hate that you will be soon , but I know it . Then I will reflect . Then I will remember . Right now I will keep talking to you . Right now I will tell you that you 're still wearing too much glitter … And right now I 'll hear you tell me that I 'm not wearing enough . Ah , New Year 's Eve . It 's a powerful time , isn 't it ? We 're supposed to celebrate the year that was , and make resolutions to make our lives even better in the year to come . We say goodbye to the year in style - we party , and drink , and get all dressed up , blah blah blah . Well , to be perfectly honest , I have absolutely no desire to celebrate this particular year . Let 's recap 2015 , shall we ? In 2015 I found myself taking work that is eerily similar to work that I was doing over 10 years ago . You know … before my master 's degree and ordination . Some may call this " humbling . " I would add " embarrassing . " Yes - some good , even great things happened too , but no … I don 't really feel like giving 2015 the fancy , glamorous , send - off that society seems to think I should want to offer . Instead , I 'm going to stay home , do my laundry , and then go out tomorrow . Tomorrow I will celebrate all of the good that I hope will come in 2016 , but tonight … tonight I will write my final break - up letter to this most challenging year . We 're through . I can 't even begin to tell you how glad I am that our relationship is finally over . I know that , like all relationships , part of you will stay with me forever - you have definitely left your indelible mark upon my soul , but for all intents and purposes , we 're done . I can 't say that you were the best I 've ever had … far from it really … but I can say that you taught me a lot , and for that I am grateful . You probably don 't think that you left me with any gifts at all , considering how much you wrung out of me , but that just shows how little you really know me anyway . Every relationship - even relationships with a year like you , can teach us things . I 'm sure that you 'd prefer that I just hang my head and walk away , but that 's simply not me . You may have beaten me down , but you sure as hell haven 't defeated me . Here are some of the lessons that this relationship has taught me : Priorities mean everything - and not just what I say my priorities are - how I behave as well . If I put work first , then I will never be able to be my best when at work . Work should never be priority number 1 . Ever . Work matters , yes , but not as much as people , love , joy , and health . When those things fall by the wayside , work suffers , too … and then there 's just nothing left . 2015 , you taught me that people who put their jobs on a pedestal and do their work so that they can be " bigger , better , best " are , with very few exceptions , miserable people . Work should be passion and joy , yes . I should want to do well at my job and do great things , but not … NOT at the expense of the rest of my life . Never again , 2015 . Never again will I allow that for myself . Thank you for helping me to come to that conclusion . My body is not an object to be manipulated and controlled . I know that I 've written and spoken about this many times before , but you , 2015 , you showed me once and for all that years of abusing my body , even under the guise of being " healthy " and " clean " and " taking care of myself " is only going to backfire . Denying myself nutrients , obsessing about exercise , and analyzing every morsel may work to keep my weight down in the short term , but my body will find a way to rebel . Big time . My body will shut down , it will stop working the way that I want it to , I 'll get injuries , and adrenal fatigue , and hormonal imbalances , and then the new weight that comes on will be nearly impossible to lose through the methods upon which I have previously relied . Funny thing , that . 2015 , you taught me that anything that isn 't respectful to my body will just end up pissing it off … and a pissed off body isn 't likely to do what I want it to do . Thank you for finally convincing me to honour my body and take real care of it . Thank you for reminding me that no matter what any " health guru , " or " weight loss expert , " or fitness model says to do , if it comes from a place of denial , fear , and manipulation , it 's just not ok . It 's not easy . It still makes me cry , and yet I am grateful that I can finally start to learn how to live fully and gently bring myself back to health . Bullies are real , and not just on the playground . Bullies show up in every facet of life , and , for the most part , are insecure frightened children in grown - up bodies . Most often , they don 't even know that they are bullies , but that doesn 't excuse their behaviour . I thought that I already knew a thing or two about bullies , but wow 2015 , I didn 't know the half of it . Even though things didn 't quite work out in my favour this time , I learned this year that I am strong enough to stand up for myself , and for others . I learned how to identify the characteristics of a bully much more quickly , and I promise 2015 , in my relationships with each new year that comes , I will get better and better at staying away from those people from the start . They can be very charming , those narcissists … It 's part of their M . O . But it 's never worth it to get sucked into their world . People are just pawns to them , simply tools to help further their agenda , and they will turn on anyone who no longer serves them . Thank you 2015 , for helping me to gain a deeper understanding of this personality , and for showing me that , no matter the outcome , I will never regret standing up to these people . It 's always worth it . Dorothy was right - there really is no place like home . More than that though 2015 , I have learned that home isn 't just a place ; it 's the place where my people are . I 've lived in some cool cities and had some amazing experiences with awesome people , and yet I 've been happier in the past few months being with my " tribe " than I have been in a very , very long time . Sure , I don 't know where my career is going , and my living situation is less - than - perfect , but I can 't imagine how I could have recovered from the relationship that you and I had without being here . My family is here . My friends are here … and the ones that aren 't , the true friends , remain close enough to me that it 's as if they are here . I am comfortable , and grounded , and while I feel beaten down by you , I also feel more myself than I have in years . I 've even made more new friends and connections is the short time that I 've been back than I did in most of my time away . I have learned that the most important peopl in my life don 't judge me for the difficult times that I 've had … I 'm the only one who is doing that . I 've learned that being happy is more important than being " successful " - and who really gets to determine what " success " looks like anyway ? I think that I 'm starting to understand that happiness IS success … or at least a very important first step . So , 2015 , I 'm pretty happy to let you go . Actually , 2015 , I think that I 'm pretty happy in general … or at least am on my way there . Hunh . I guess I have you to thank for that as well . I see what you did there , 2015 … maybe you 're not the bad - guy here at all … maybe that thing I always say to everyone else is actually true for me , too … Maybe I am exactly where I need to be , at exactly the right time . Maybe you were the exact relationship that I needed in order to get where I am , and where I 'm going . Thanks 2015 . While I hope that 2016 is a little bit gentler than you were , I 'm grateful for the lessons that you taught me , and I know now that I 'm better for them . Thank you , thank you , thank you . It 's time to admit it . I 've gained some weight . Ok , more than some . Ok , enough that none of my clothes fit and yet I 'm too ashamed to go out and buy new ones . Enough that I almost never date , mainly because I think that I 'm too large for anyone to find me attractive . Enough that I 'm anxious about seeing my friends and family this holiday season , because I don 't want to hear anything about how I look - good or bad … being told that I look good , especially when I don 't feel it , just seems disingenuous and condescending … and I REALLY don 't want any pictures taken of me . I 've gained enough that I 'm pretty much dreading going to Mexico on vacation next week … yes … dreading . I know that I SHOULD ( should ? according to whom ? ) be able to go to the beach , no matter how I look , and just have a good time . I SHOULD be big and bold and proud of who I am at any size , and just have fun . It 's true that most other people probably don 't care how I look in a bathing suit , and most likely aren 't even looking at me anyway , but it 's not about them , it 's about me . I KNOW that instead of just enjoying my vacation , I 'm going to be looking around and feeling ashamed . I 'm going to cover up , and think about how , a year ago , I was able to wear a two - piece swim suit and , after a moment or two of feeling a bit embarassed , just have fun at the pool without worrying ( too much ) about what I looked like . It 's going to be a challenging week . Here 's what happened : I was a chubby kid , and a fat teenager . Everyone in my life seemed to think that it was not just ok , but in fact their responsibility to comment on my size . I can 't remember a single meal with my extended family , from the time that I was very young , where someone didn 't make some comment about my weight - whether I had gained or lost , or just something about " she 'll grow out of it " or other such ridiculous comments . It didn 't stop at family , either . I very clearly remember a friend of mine , when I was only 9 or 10 years old , poking me in the belly and saying " you 're starting to get a bit chubby . Maybe you should do something about it . " He thought that he was being helpful . My weight , my eating , my exercise were a constant subject of conversation . It 's no wonder that those things have become something of a mental and emotional obsession for me as an adult . Around the age of 15 I started the cycle that has lasted almost 20 years … diets , eating plans , restricting certain foods , pills , potions , books , websites , clubs , exercise programs , nutritionists , etc . etc . etc . Being able to control my body became the most important thing in my life . To be honest , some of it really really worked … temporarily . I have had times where I would have called myself ' normal ' or maybe even ' thin . ' I , of course , still wanted to be smaller , but I was able to wear clothes that I liked , and didn 't feel ashamed stepping outside my front door . But … something would always happen . I would put on a bit of weight , or be bloated for a few days and my clothes would feel tight , so I would throw myself into another plan / diet / exercise program etc . As time went on , those attempts at ' fixing ' and controlling my body have become less and less effective , and yet my eating has become more and more restricted . I honestly believe that it was the restricted eating that made my food allergies so much more prominent - If I hadn 't been so worried about eating ' cleanly ' then a little bit of ' unhealthy ' food now and again probably wouldn 't impact my body nearly as much as it does now . I finally realized that so many years of trying so hard to be ' healthy ' has made me anything but , and so when I felt myself putting on some pounds this time , I did a different kind of research . What I found was that I 'm not the only one who has come to this conclusion . To put it plainly , years and years of restrictive eating and over - exercising has basically thrown my hormones out of whack and killed my metabolism . It 's no wonder that the slightest indulgence can cause buttons to pop off of my clothes . I did this to myself . The cure ? Well , apparently , the only way to fix a metabolism is to rest , and eat … a lot . The theory is that on a restrictive diet the metabolism shuts down , because there 's just not much to metabolize … and so you have to force the metabolism to wake up by giving it work to do . Yes , that means an initial weight gain , but , supposedly , after a few months of this the body will even itself out with a properly functioning metabolism . So , I tried it … . and I failed . I simply can 't eat that much . I tried - I really did , but after a couple of weeks I just couldn 't keep forcing it . I gained the weight , but I don 't think that I can continue the 're - feeding ' process until things even out … It just doesn 't feel good . So , what now ? Sure , I could go on another diet . I could try , once again , to force my body to do what my brain wants . I might , we 'll see , but what I really need to do is change the narrative , change my thoughts . My weight , my food , and my exercise take up the majority of my brain space . It 's there when I wake up , when I go to sleep , in the car , at work , when enjoying time with my loved - ones . Sometimes it 's the predominant thought , sometimes just somewhere in the background , but it 's there . Far too much . As long as the thoughts are there , I will never truly enjoy this life . I know that I was " happiest " ( not that I 've ever been truly satisfied ) with my body when I wasn 't thinking about food - when I treated myself to nice meals , ate without worrying too much about what exactly I was eating . Yes , I realize that my allergies do dictate that I have to be a little bit more careful , but strict diligence isn 't healthy for me , either . It only feeds the obsession . I 'm not the only one who is obsessed with weight , size , and appearance . It is everywhere ! It is a constant topic of conversation - in both positive and negative contexts . We are always talking about how each other looks - I 'm guilty of it , too . Even when we say things that are meant to be kind , the focus on body and image is just too prevalent . I 'm not even talking about the idea that we are all beautiful ( which we are ) and that standards of beauty in the media are ridiculous ( which they are ) . I 'm talking about how we can 't seem to stop ourselves from talking about appearances . We comment on how great someone looks after losing weight . We comment that someone has put on a few . We refer to people as chunky , if they 're not as thin as their peers . We smile and say " you look great today ! " as a casual greeting . We use appearances to define and distinguish each other . Sure , I understand that looks and image do matter . Sexual attraction is what keeps our species alive . How we dress and present ourselves in our workplaces can really impact how seriously we are taken by others . I get all of that , and am actually ok with it . I just want the conversations that we have to shift focus . I 'm not naive enough to think that we 're ever going to stop talking about how people look . It 's too ingrained in how we interact . I just want us all to take it down a notch or two . We have been hearing a lot about body - shaming lately , but I think it 's even more than that . Body - shaming is horrible , but body - discussing in general needs to go , too . I 'm not saying that having my body spoken about was the ONLY cause of my current issues , but it was one of them … a big one . There is a summer camp in upstate New York where the kids are not allowed to comment on each others ' appearances - no " you look nice today " or " great hair style ! " Nothing . They can only talk about each others ' personalities , skills , accomplishments . That sounds really tough to me … and really wonderful too . Sure , it feels great to be told that I 'm beautiful - I think that we all crave that kind of affirmation , and I think that it 's ok to seek it out once in a while , but the obsession is just too powerful . I 'm going to try to stop focusing so much on appearance - both mine and everyone else 's . I 'd love it if you all tried , too . And me ? I went out for a nice lunch today . I sat in a restaurant and really , truly enjoyed my meal . I didn 't count calories . I didn 't obsess over the micro - nutrient ratios . I didn 't over - eat . I didn 't under - eat . It felt really great . It was only one meal , and I don 't know what will happen tomorrow , but … well … baby - steps . Jealousy is a challenging emotion … a very challenging emotion . I recently found myself reconnected with an old friend , and wow … was I ever jealous of him . I found myself absolutely coveting his lifestyle , his attitudes , his friendships , his everything . The details of his life that I was jealous of are , in reality , kind of ridiculous , but the feelings were very very real . He is one of those guys that seeks fun over everything else … and not just normal - people fun , like going to movies or hanging out with friends , but rock - star fun . Serious parties , Vegas , over - indulgence , large circles of people who are up for just about anything , at any time of the day or night … and for some reason I was jealous . The jealousy that I felt cut me very deeply . It made me question , well , everything about myself and my choices . I know . I have a wonderful career . I have the privilege of helping people , teaching people , bringing meaning and comfort into people 's lives . It really is an honour and one that I don 't take lightly … and yet … yet I was jealous of this guy . A part of me wants to know what it 's like to live in a world where feelings don 't matter , and sheer excitement and pleasure take precedence over all . A world in which anything goes , in which choices don 't need to be weighed against morality , and ethical dilemmas don 't really factor . A world in which consequences are irrelevant , the word " serious " is considered dirty , and life is simply fun . Even as I write this now I recognize how naive and presumptuous I am being . I know that it 's not true that morals and ethics don 't exists in that world - this guy is a good man … his life has just taken a very different path than mine has . I also know that I sound shallow , childish , and ungrateful - all of those things that I work so hard to avoid . I know that all of the work that I have done on myself to be open , warm , kind , and positive ( and yes , I know that I still have a long way to go ) has been and will continue to be worthwhile . I also know that most people can 't party forever without eventually wanting something more meaningful … . most people … and so I 'm left feeling even worse about this envy . It is irrational , and , as anyone who knows me well already knows , I don 't do well with irrational . I have to try to figure it out and make sense of it all . Here is what I 've come up with so far : Jealousy , I think , is really just tied to feelings of self worth . When I was around this guy I definitely felt like I wasn 't cool enough , wasn 't fun enough , wasn 't stylish enough , wasn 't etc etc etc enough . It was nothing that he said or did , it was all me and the expectations that I placed upon myself . There is something in me that compares myself to others , and almost always I come up short . I see what other people have , what other people do , and using that all - important positive attitude that I work so hard on , I only see the good , the shiny , the enviable . I also hate to think that the people I care about are anything less than happy and fulfilled , and so I don 't even think about the ways in which their lives may not be sparkly … and I get jealous . I think that I can 't possibly be worthy of the wonderful lives that they live . I assume that I 'm not good enough , in whatever way , to be able to ' make it work ' the way that they do . I am fully aware of how unrealistic and blatantly untrue that all is . I get that there 's so much more to everyone 's story and that all people have both beauty and pain in their lives . I also know , beyond a shadow of a doubt , that I am EXACTLY where I need to be right now , and so the feelings of jealousy and feelings of not being worthy are very unsettling . Envy , obviously , is incredibly detrimental , especially when it is based on half - truths and misunderstandings . Jealousy can cloud one 's vision and be a painful distraction from real life … and yet , maybe a little bit of jealousy isn 't so bad - especially when one can step back and take a really close look at the source of the jealousy . Maybe the feelings of not being worthy are a sign of needing to take a break , or relax , or stop trying so hard . Maybe the envy is just an indication of something small that is missing , and easily found , rather than some major life changes that need to take place . Maybe the jealousy is just the trigger that is needed to stop , look around , and learn to appreciate what is , instead of what could have been . The more that I 've examined it and the more that I 've pulled it apart , the more I have realized how much better off I really am with what I have , and what I 'm capable of achieving … and for that , I am infinitely grateful . I love writing . I love the freedom of expressing whatever random thought might be swirling around in my head . I love the creativity of trying to make something cohesive out of those random thoughts . I love the discipline of editing - reading and rereading each line and phrase , correcting errors and seeking out more eloquent and proper ways to say what I want to say . I love the catharsis of expression and the confinement of trying to be error - free . I love to write , whether or not what I put down is read by anyone at all … . and yet , as some of you who follow this little blog already know , it has been almost a year since I have posted an entry . Now , I have many many reasons ( excuses ) for why this is . I finished a job , left a home , moved across the world , started a new job , set up a new home , and am still getting acclimated to my new life . I am also doing a lot of other types of writing , such as longer and more frequent sermons than I have ever given before , and so the writing " itch " is certainly being scratched in some respects . I have , on several occasions , tried to write a new blog entry . I have a few that I have started - some are just topics that interest me , for some I have put down a few notes , and some are already a couple of paragraphs long , but none have captivated my attention for long enough to complete . I 'm not sure why this is , whether it 's a lack of interest , motivation , dedication , or discipline , or if I 've simply just focused my attentions elsewhere , like trying to meet new people and experience my new city . Either way , I know that I miss writing . Some people that I know make writing a purposeful exercise . They make themselves write regularly - monthly , weekly , or even daily . I think that 's absolutely great for them , but just wouldn 't work for me . Any time I 've tried to " force " myself to do something on some sort of schedule , like a strict gym routine for example , I end up going full force at first , but then getting resentful and just not doing it at all . It 's as if I have this idea in my head that if I am not perfect , if I miss just one day of my intended schedule , then the whole thing is ruined and I should just give up . I don 't want to do that with writing . I don 't want to set myself up to fail , and then never write again . That would just be too great of a loss for me . On the other hand , I know that an annual blog entry isn 't exactly worthwhile either , and there is certainly something to be said for carving out time where I just ' make ' myself write . It feeds my soul , and so I really " should " just do it . Just like the gym , I might dread it a little before I start , but I always feel great after . Just like the gym as well , what I 'm learning is that it has to be OK to say ' no ' sometimes . I am learning not to feel guilty about skipping a work - out here and there , both because I know that I will just get back on track in a day or two , and because I know that exercising is about long - term health and enjoyment , not about short term results … and so it must be the same with writing , or guitar playing , or reading , or beading ( bet you didn 't know about that one ! ) . I have to learn to trust myself , to know that these things that I love to do are still there , whether I do them daily or forget about them for a month or two . I had started to believe that , since I had let this blog go for so long , it was probably time to just admit defeat and let it go … but here I am . Back " on the horse " as they say . It 's a slow start , but it 's a start none - the - less , and it 's all part of that wonderful process of learning how to care for mWishing you light and love
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The lodge hummed with activity around him , skiers and snowboarders spread out amidst the comfortable leather chairs , roaring fires , and intricate stonework that stretched to the shining wood ceiling . The trip had been Mary 's idea originally , but she had suggested using the Adlers ' chalet , and it had somewhat spiraled after that , Mary , Irene , Molly , Mike , and himself ending up piling on a plane and taking off to Zermatt as soon as their last exam was over . They 'd been here three days already , running the slopes all day and laughing all night , and John was already confident this could quite possibly end up being the best week of his life . That is , if he ever figured out what to do about Blue Scarf . " Mhmm , " Irene hummed skeptically , waggling her brows as John glared . She lifted her cup of coffee to her lips , slurping at the steaming liquid before wiping the lipstick from the rim with her thumb . " We 're nearly halfway through the trip , you know , " she said , shaking off her ski boots as she pulled her legs up onto the chair . " And Christmas Eve is the day after tomorrow . If he 's going home for Christmas - " " He 's not , " John interrupted , and then flinched , realizing his mistake as Irene fixed him with her shrewd , black - lined eyes . " I - I heard them talking about Christmas dinner at the lodge , " he explained , focused intently on his thumb gliding along the white handle of the mug . " Something like that , anyway . I know I heard ' Christmas ' and ' dinner ' , at least . " " Two reasons , " Irene chirped , lifting the appropriate number of digits as she settled further into the leather chair . " One , it 's just so damn funny watching you suffer , " she said , chuckling as John 's eyes narrowed , " and , two , what would I even do ? " She shrugged , swirling her cup in her hands . " Write you a speech ? Stand next to you and translate your awkward attempts at flirting ? " John had had crushes before , had maybe even loved once or twice , but , if you had asked him three days ago if he believed in love at first sight , he would 've said no . Now , however , he would hesitate , pause and bite his lip as he wavered , because he didn 't know how else to explain the feeling that had rooted him to the spot when his eyes had first fallen on the man . The group had actually carried on a few steps without him before he managed to make his feet move again , he was so enraptured , heart pounding all the way up through his spinning head , but he was just so … so … John didn 't even know what to call him , but he was beautiful , beautiful in a way beyond beautiful , with bright slate - grey eyes , dark hair that fell in curls around his pale face , and legs that went on for weeks . Since then , he 'd turned into something of a stalker , loitering around the lodge until he figured out his patterns , and then heading out in tandem with the French family , watching as Blue Scarf sped down the slopes , a streak of silver against the sparkling snow . Everyone else had eventually noticed , of course , and , to their credit , had been exceptionally helpful , texting him when they saw him here or there , and John would drop everything and go read in the lobby where he was playing chess with his mother , or drink hot chocolate two tables away from him and his father . Blue Scarf liked a bit of cinnamon in his , as well as whipped cream , but had pulled a rather adorable face when his father had offered him a scoop of marshmallows , moving his cup away and muttering something that conveyed disdain even to John , who couldn 't understand a word of it , which was , of course , precisely the problem . The entire time John had been creeping around corners and hiding behind ferns , he had never heard any member of the Blue Scarf family speak a single word of English . John had taken the required amount of French in secondary school , but that had been years ago , and he hadn 't touched it since , now much too out of practice to even understand most of what they said , let alone contribute . They spoke French to the waiters , to the concierge , to fellow guests , even on the phone , and John had no idea what to do with that . He was charming , he knew he was charming , but getting that across with a combination of charades and hastily typed phrases into the translation app he 'd downloaded ? Well , let 's just say he didn 't like his odds . John rattled his head , rolling his eyes to the ceiling , and then sighed , swiping his tea back up from the table . " I 'll figure it out , " he muttered , Irene skeptically tipping her head . " I can speak a little French , " he added , and Irene choked on her coffee , laughing wildly as she coughed . " Oh , god , " she gasped , dabbing a tear from the bottom of her eye as she looked up at the ceiling . " Promise you 'll let me be there ? I don 't think my life will be complete without seeing the look on his face when you ask him to a picnic . " John glowered across at her , Irene beaming back , and then turned back to the window with a huff , sulking into his chair . " I 'll talk to him , " he snapped , taking a swig of his tea . " I just … have to find the right moment . " " Got anything against right now ? " Irene replied , and John looked up , frowning at her . Irene smiled , bobbing her head toward the window , and John followed her gaze , nearly covering himself in tea in his haste to scramble out of his chair . Swallowing through a thick throat , he straightened up , tugging the collar of his blue and white snowboard jacket up over his chin to help further obscure his identity as he waited , shuffling along behind the pair as the line moved slowly toward the lift . At one point , Blue Scarf 's mother met his eyes over the boy 's shoulder , and she smiled politely , a small gesture which John awkwardly returned , and then dropped his face , pulling off a mitten as he rummaged around in the pocket of his jacket for more hand warmers , the ones he 'd put in his mittens earlier that day having run out of juice . In front of him , the discussion intensified , Blue Scarf and his mother talking in soft , hurried tones , and , when John next looked up , the mother was skiing away , Blue Scarf breaking off halfway through a shout as he stared after her . " Move up to the line , " he said , pointing at the faded red stripe in the snow . " We can 't allow singles today . Too windy . " The entire right side of John 's body tingled , though he was actually nowhere near the boy , a solid several inches between every part of them , but it felt like he was everywhere , his proximity a physical presence that crept over John 's skin and pinched at his nerves . He tried to breathe , turning his head out over the mountain as they started the climb , but his lungs wouldn 't work , the air too cold and thin to bring him any relief , and he would be blaming what he did next on that . He looked , turning his chin just enough to see the boy if he stretched his eyes to the corners , and , my god , he was even more beautiful up close , although John could do to get a whole lot closer . John blinked , startled , but , when he tried to look at the boy himself , Blue Scarf looked away , dropping his skis and pressing further to the opposite side of the lift , peering down over the edge . He watched a moment , transfixed by the way the wind ruffled the man 's dark hair , and then the wind gusted , the lift bobbing with a rattle of metal that had John gripping hard to the edge of the seat . " Bloody hell , " he half - chuckled as it died down , craning his neck back to look up at the thick wire slowly dragging them along . " They weren 't joking about that wind , " he said , dropping his chin to look at the man , who was watching him now , a small frown creasing his forehead . " Oh , " John squeaked , suddenly embarrassed , but he always did have a tendency to joke when terrified , regardless of whether his audience would understand him . " Um , I was just - The - The wind , " he muttered , lifting a hand to wave it weakly through the air , but Blue Scarf only quirked a brow . John cleared his throat , blushing furiously as he turned once again to look down at the slopes to his left , skiers and snowboarders whipping around below . John turned , looking through the corner of his eye to see the man rubbing his gloved hands together in his lap , and , again , John spoke , forgetting the boy would hear only gibberish . " You cold ? " he asked , and the man must have picked up on the questioning intonation , because he looked up , frowning as he tipped his head . " Um , " John stammered , turning to face him a little more directly , " your - your hands , " he said , gesturing down at the gloves with a mitten . " Er , froid ? Tu avez , um . . . Fuck it , " he snapped , rattling his head in self - exasperation , and then pulled off a mitten , unzipping his pocket . " Here , " he said , offering two of the hand warmers , and Blue Scarf looked down at them , blinking perplexedly . " They 're for your hands , " he explained , miming sliding one of the foil packets into his mitten . " Or your boots , I guess , but the picture is of a glove , so … " He trailed off , shrugging . " They 're air - activated , however that works , so you just open it , " he said , ripping one open at the tab , " and then put it in your glove . " He slipped the packet out of the packaging , tucking the foil into his pocket as he held out the warmer . Blue Scarf looked down at the small bag a moment , apparently still confused , and John was just beginning to consider whether he could survive a fall from this height if he jumped to escape his embarrassment , when the boy slowly slipped off one of his gloves , tentatively reaching out with long pale fingers . He took the warmer from John 's palm , lifting it up in examination , and then dropped it down his glove , sliding his hand in after it . He turned the hand side - to - side in front of him , curling his fingers in and out , and John smiled , unwrapping the second one and passing it across . The man smiled softly at him as he took it , tugging loose his second glove . " Merci , " he said , and John was either falling or flying , he wasn 't quite sure which . " Um , de rien ? Yeah , de rien , " he muttered , and Blue Scarf chuckled , a soft sound that John knew would haunt his dreams . " I 'm , er , I 'm John , by the way , " he said , brushing his mitten to his chest . " Je m ' appelle John , " he added , smiling a little smugly as he made a mental note to throw the moment in Irene 's face . The man smiled , nodding as he fixed John 's eyes with his own . " Jean , " he repeated , and , okay , now John knew it was falling . " Sherlock , " he said , tapping at the front of his jacket , and John beamed . " Sherlock , " he echoed , glad to finally have a name , although the man would always be Blue Scarf in his heart . " Cool . I mean , um , génial , " he edited , and Sherlock laughed , the cold fading to a distant memory as they bobbed their way up the hill . As it turned out , it wasn 't actually that hard talking to Sherlock . Sure , he didn 't speak English , and John 's French was a combination of charades and Pictionary , but they got by alright on smiles and intonation , always doing something so as to keep conversation from being the main attraction . It had only been two days , but they 'd spent most of that time together , somehow managing to bicker even over the language barrier , Sherlock rolling his eyes when John left half his cup free for marshmallows , and John snarling in increasingly creative curses as Sherlock beat him in game after game of chess , finally dragging the brunette over to checkers , which he was equally superior at . They also spent a lot of time on the slopes , Sherlock giving John and his snowboard some serious side - eye until he unceremoniously kicked his ass , beating him to the bottom by a whole 17 seconds - John had been counting - in which time John had looked up how to say ' 17 seconds ' in French so he could gloat properly , and , if the sulking Sherlock had done for the next two hours was any indication , the message came across loud and clear . The others had taken to Sherlock almost as quickly , he and Irene sometimes squirreling themselves away in corners to babble at one another in French , and John probably would 've been jealous if not for the glances Sherlock would shoot him every now and again , smiling in the soft firelight that reflected off his eyes . Luckily , Molly and Mary were there to run interference , pulling Irene away for this or that , and forcing John down in her place , Mary never failing to embarrass him with a wink over her shoulder as they left . Mike hadn 't seemed too bothered either way at first , but Sherlock had let him borrow his ski polish the day before , and that had apparently been enough to sway Mike to his side , the young med student not having stopped singing his praises since , a constant chorus of ' That stuff is 100 quid a case ! ' and ' I could shave in these skis ! ' following them wherever they went , but John didn 't mind . " Oh , I got a 94 on that anatomy final , " John said , turning to Sherlock as they slid off the lift at the top . " He didn 't put all the grades up , but , considering the class average , I think I was probably one of the better ones . Which is good , because I 'm taking another class with him next semester , and they probably grade better if they already think you 're smart , ya know ? " He tipped his head at Sherlock as they headed toward their favorite run - or , at least , he thought it was their favorite , Sherlock leading him that way often enough - the brunette smiling softly , his usual response to John 's ramblings . " The book for that class is , like , 60 quid , though . Don 't know how I 'm going to afford it . Guess I 'll have to put in a few extra hours hawking peppermint mochas , and that smell does not come out , in case you were wondering . I have to take three showers before I stop smelling like a York peppermint patty , " he muttered , and Sherlock laughed , John grinning up at him . " So , " he chirped , adjusting his hat over his ears as he smirked , " ready to get your ass whooped again ? " Straightening back up , he beamed at Sherlock , who had just enough time to look suspicious before John leapt over the crest of the hill , speeding off . " Allons - y ! " he shouted over his shoulder , those Doctor Who marathons good for something after all , and then proceeded to snake his way toward the bottom , dodging other patrons as he went . He was nearing the curve , slowing down a bit until he could see around the trees , when he heard a shout from behind him , barely audible over the scrape of snow . Heaven was comfortable , at least , his fingers shifting in soft sheets as he managed to command his hand to move . It took a little more effort to open his eyes , lids twitching in hesitation before obeying orders , but , as it turned out , they might have had the right idea , the light pouring straight into his brain like lightning , setting his head alight with agony . He groaned , even that making his headache worse , and then heard a soft rustle across the room , turning his head toward the sound . " You didn 't have to stay , " he said , and Sherlock dropped his eyes to the floor . " I mean , you probably have better things to do on Christmas Eve than sit around a - Where even are we ? " He looked around the room , realizing relatively quickly it was some sort of medical facility , and , after a quick glance out the window , he assumed it must be the clinic at the bottom of the mountain where all the ski - related accidents were taken . Like getting plowed over by a competitive asshole . " Oh , god ! " John moaned , clutching at his head as another wave of pain rippled through it . He sighed , letting his arm flop to the mattress as he blinked up at the ceiling . " This is so embarrassing , " he muttered . " I 'm usually much cooler than this , I swear , " he added , bobbing his head vaguely toward the boy , who smiled . " So , if you could leave this part out when you tell all your friends about your holiday - If you mention me at all , that is , " he said , shrugging a shoulder , the usual Sherlock - related anxiety beginning to trickle in around the pain . " Which you probably won 't . Except as the crazy English guy who followed you around the whole week , which I can 't really argue with . You know , I don 't even know when you leave . " He turned , frowning at Sherlock , who frowned right back . " I never asked . Um , quand - quand tu - Fuck , what 's ' leave ' ? Um … " " Well , then what - " He stopped , mouth dropping open as he blinked at Sherlock , who quickly stopped laughing , lips closing as he lowered his gaze . " Did you - " he stammered , shuffling up straighter against the elevated back of the bed . " Was that - Was that English ? ! " " Careful ! " Sherlock blurted , leaping up to his side as he pushed at John 's shoulder , pinning him down . " The doctor said you might have a concussion . " " I didn 't mean to ! " Sherlock hissed , leaning down as he dropped his voice . " I just - Well , it 's usually easier , " he muttered , moving away from John 's bedside as he ran a hand back through his hair , pacing along the side of the mattress . " I - My parents are French , " he started , waving an arm in gesture . " They moved to England when I was young , but - Well , they were never really fluent in English , you know ? " His breaths quickened as he moved , gesticulations increasingly wilder as he ranted on . " So , whenever they don 't have to , they speak French , and my brother and I speak it , of course , and - Well , people just don 't bother me as much when I 'm French ! " he plead , turning back to John as he reached his feet . " They try to talk for a bit , maybe , but then , when they figure out I can 't speak English , they leave . " Sherlock opened his mouth , and then closed it , dropping his eyes to his hands , which were shaking slightly where they held the metal barricade on the side of John 's bed . " I - I don 't generally like … people , " he said slowly , peering up at John through his lashes . " They tend to annoy me . All of them . All the time . So , when - when you first talked to me , I - I just assumed I wouldn 't like you . " He grimaced slightly , lifting his shoulders in a sheepish shrug , but John nodded , understanding that much , at least . " I never like anyone , " he continued , shifting his hands on the bar . " It didn 't seem - I didn 't think - You were … unanticipated . " " I plan for everything , " he said softly , shaking his head as he looked back to John . " Imagine every possibility , every problem , every solution . My contingency plans have contingency plans , " he half - laughed , but his expression was broken , eyes sparkling a little where they caught the light . " But I didn 't have a plan for this . For you , " he breathed , shrugging in a spasm . " I - I never expected to like you , " he said , eyes dipping to his twisting fingers as he stepped once again to John 's bedside , " and I know - I know that 's a terrible excuse , and that I should 've told you , but … well , by then , I liked you too much . " He swallowed , and John watched it bob down his neck , his own throat tight with words he hadn 't yet decided on . " I know it was wrong , " Sherlock murmured , voice breaking to a whisper as he met John 's eyes , " and I know - I know you must think I 'm some sort of monster , but - " He huffed out a shaky breath as he closed his eyes , fingers combing back through his curls . " I don 't know , " he whispered , shaking his head . " I don 't know what I 'm doing , or - or what I 'm trying to say , but I know … I know I 've never felt like this . " " I didn 't even think I could feel like this , " Sherlock continued with a shoulder of a shrug , " and I suppose - I suppose that 's enough , in a way . " He stared at his shoes , shuffling back a step toward the door , and the spike of panic that rushed through John 's chest was suddenly his answer . " Just to know it 's possible . Even if - Even if you never - If we don 't - " " Oh , I 'm furious , " John assured , and Sherlock winced , " but , at the same time … I guess it makes sense . What you did . In a weird , twisted sort of way , " he added , bobbing his head side - to - side , and Sherlock smiled , teeth scraping over his bottom lip as he dropped his chin . " I dunno , " he muttered , shrugging , " maybe I 'm just a little high on finally being able to talk to you without wearing my battery out with translation apps . " Sherlock laughed , shaking his head . " I think that might be the painkillers , " he said , smiling as John frowned up at him . " You were awake for a little bit at first . Sort of in and out . They gave you something for the pain , and you got a bit … odd . " " Just talking , mostly . Mumbling this or that . You seem to have a strange fascination with my scarf , " he said , quirking a brow , and John groaned , falling back into the pillows as he slung an arm over his eyes . Sherlock chuckled , and John felt the bed vibrate with his approach , his eyes opening to see the brunette smiling down at him . " You talked about those a bit too , " he smirked , and John whined , snatching one of the pillows from behind him to cover his flaring face . " It was practically poetry . Well , what I could understand of it , at least . " " Hello ! " he chirped in a thick Scottish accent , cradling a clipboard in his hands , stepping to John 's side as Sherlock shifted down toward his feet . " Good to see you up and at ' em ! We got your scans , " he said , flipping through some of the pages , " and everything looks fine . You 're all set to go , if you feel up to it . " " You think so , or you 're sure ? " he asked , swaying back on his heels . " Because it 's no trouble if you 're not . Better ya stay here than go out and end up hurting yourself again , " he cautioned , but John shook his head . " Well , alright then ! " the doctor said , smiling brightly between the two of them . " I 'll get your paperwork sorted out . You can take that off whenever , " he added , bobbing a hand toward the bandage around John 's head . " No need to keep it covered or anything , just clean and dry . Friend here says you 're a medical student , so I 'm sure you know the drill , " he said , waving his clipboard toward Sherlock , who smiled , his cheeks darkening a little as he avoided John 's eyes . " Good , and be careful out there , yeah ? " He nodded his head toward the window , all of them turning to look at the mountain beyond . " Don 't wanna see you back here , " he added with a scolding finger , and John smiled , lifting his hand to return the flick of a wave the man flashed before closing the door . " Why ? " John quipped , smirking at the man as he slid to the floor , stepping across the cold tile to the chair where his boots and jacket were resting . " You tired of losing ? " He grinned , chuckling as Sherlock glared . " I don 't think it 's my well - being you should be concerned about , " John replied , and Sherlock frowned tipping his head at him . John smirked , pulling on his jacket before heading past Sherlock toward the door . " What do you think Irene 's gonna do when she finds out you 're not French ? " he posed , laughing as Sherlock blanched , and he kept laughing all the way back to the lodge , patently ignoring any and all of Sherlock 's pleas and bribes .
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05 . 04 . 2013 I suppose a year without updates has been a good tip - off that something had changed . The Lord led us to move to America to be closer to family and build a second career that would provide for our children , and with my new job at Rackspace in San Antonio , TX that has come to pass . This new career has been a blessing and is going amazingly well . I arrived on the job looking a bit lost in April 2012 , and set myself to learn as quickly as I could . In barely a year I 'm now enjoying handling difficult escalations and training the new hires . Much of the personal growth I encountered on the missions field has been helpful here , and it 's clear that God had a pretty great plan all along . Cathy has been able to stay at home with the kids , and thankfully we do know some Filipino families in the area and have been able to find a great little Vinyard church to join . We get to visit my Grandfather 's ranch up in the Hill Country from time to time , and Roldan has enjoyed riding horses with him . Baby Eli was walking at about 10 months and is now starting to talk at a year and a half . While we haven 't had a chance to return to the Philippines since our arrival , we do try to stay connected to our friends who are still serving and living there . This first year has taken up much of our attention simply becoming established in America , but the Philippines will always be in our hearts , and as we find opportunity for further ministry here and there in the future , I 'll probably use this page to reflect that . While it probably won 't be updated much otherwise , there are still nice pictures and memories that I intend to keep online , and of course it is now running on a Rackspace Cloud Server ( with a Cloud Database backend ) so I shouldn 't have any trouble keeping it going . Thanks for checking back , and may the Lord bless you ! 03 . 13 . 2012 Since the moment we got word that I had been hired for my new job in Texas , we 've been working on sorting out all the details of our move , and there 's still a checklist of things to get done . Many have been solved , including the trip to Manila to get Elijah 's passport and the document that will serve as his American birth certificate . What looms over us now is the need to buy the actual plane tickets for all of us to fly over to NY . After that , we 'll drive down to TX with the van we 've been donated , and some things that are still at Mom and Dad 's house - other than that we 'll pretty much be starting over . The problem we face at this moment though is that we should fly by the end of the month , as I actually start my first day of work April 9th . Now that Roldan is old enough to require his own plane ticket the total cost of airfare is quite high , and it will keep going up . If we don 't buy our tickets within a week or so , we may have a serious problem . Fortunately , we do have a lot of the costs raised , and more if we manage to sell our car soon , but even then we 're not quite there . I hope you 'll join us in prayer for this as we seek out God 's answer , either through additional donations or the ability to borrow , or through a good deal on the tickets . Of course , with this stuff weighing on our minds , I 've still got plenty to do at HFTN , as we have a team from Canada visiting and taking care of teams is one of my most important responsibilities . With that and the plane tickets , and of course hunting for an apartment in San Antonio , it 's hard not to feel like we 're in several places at once - but God is omnipresent and He is and will continue to sustain us . 02 . 11 . 2012 This is my first update of the new year , so it seems like I should explain why . Our ministry hasn 't been interrupted at HFTN , or in the computer lab project at Oasis . At least , not yet . At the beginning of January I got an email from the company ( Rackspace Hosting ) I was hoping to eventually work at in San Antonio , which as you probably know is where we have been planning to move in about a year . They had a job they wanted to interview me for , so I figured I 'd hold off and post once I knew what the results were , just in case . Well , the process was a bit more involved than I had expected , and after 5 interviews , I 've been hired . It might not have been expected to happen so soon , but Cathy and I have peace that this is God 's timing , and considering that I don 't have a degree and this job is in the very technical field of Linux system administration , I wouldn 't be offended if you called it a miracle . I 've been studying in my spare time to take this from a hobby to a career , but to see it happen is pretty neat . So now we have a few months of crazed preparations , and a lot of new challenges to pray for . Rackspace wants me to get there by the end of March , if possible . I 've sent emails to the supporters I had addresses on hand for , but I still need the addresses for some of you , so please email me if you haven 't gotten the letter yet . Until I leave Davao I am still actively working in missions , and I have a lot of things to do in preparation , not to mention expensive airfare , so we hope you 'll keep us in prayer . Our God is amazing and his plans can sure be surprising ! We have all the more reason to trust that he can meet all of our needs as we follow Him . 12 . 01 . 2011 Well , Christmas decorations have already been up for a while over here , but for us November has its own holiday , Thanksgiving . It 's great to set aside an entire holiday to thank the Lord for all His blessings and provision , and we have a great deal of new blessings to be thankful for . Our meal ended up being interrupted , though , as God wasn 't done blessing us for the day yet , and Elijah Andres Emmons was born at 9 : 26 PM . At 9 pounds , 4 ounces and 21 . 5 inches long , he was a pretty big Thanksgiving baby . We are very thankful for everyone who has been praying for us , especially for the safe delivery of our son , who was born without complications at the Mercy Maternity Center - much more comfortable and several orders of magnitude less expensive than the hospital . Mercy is another ministry operating in Davao that is accomplishing great things for the Lord , and our HFTN base is actually the building they ran their clinic in before they moved into their nice big place down the road a bit . So now Roldan has a little brother , and I think he 's looking forward to him being big enough to play with , but for now Cathy and I have a lot on our hands with an infant and a ridiculously energetic toddler to manage . Our house is inundated with cute . Also , used diapers . And of course we couldn 't be happier . This is the start of a beautiful December . Of course , it isn 't Christmas break yet , and there 's plenty of ministry to attend to , but it 's hard not to feel like we 've already unwrapped a present : ) . Note : As of June we have a new support letter that outlines our ministry , and need to get it into people 's hands , so if you can think of someone you 'd be willing to give it to , it would be quite a help to us . The letter can be downloaded here . 10 . 25 . 2011 October has been a month of God reassuring us we are in the right place , as we have faithfully continued in the ministry we felt called to labor in . One thing we have waited for a long time to see was the provision of a car , to keep our growing family safe ( none of the local forms of public transportation have seat belts , let alone child seats ) , enable more ministry in places outside the immediate city area , and bring down our weekly transportation expenses . Now that we 've been able to get a used Kia sedan , and I 've gotten over the initial terrors of learning to drive all over again in a place where the rules are , ahem , slightly different , I look forward to driving up to the mountains sometime and visiting some of the villages I have not seen in a while , although of course I 'd still have to walk the last few kilometers : ) . In the meantime , it has already been a great blessing and even enabled us to visit some of Cathy 's relatives we don 't see very often . Cathy is of course still busy being pregnant , and we are due pretty soon , which will probably shake things up again for us more than we realize . I 'm busy too , of course , because we are preparing for a team coming from early next year and have to have plans set so we won 't get derailed over Christmas break . Now one of my best friends at Oasis is back from furlough , we have been brainstorming for ways to connect the computer lab and the youth ministry over there and make sure the lab is functioning as more than just a nice resource , but really lets us mentor the kids that come in . And with October coming to a close already , while the Philippines does have its own interesting version of Halloween ( involving setting up tents and camping directly on top of the graves of relatives , sometimes ) , our prayer and focus is that God would use us and the new ways He 's equipped us to reap a harvest for Him here in the poorer areas of Davao City . Note : As of June we have a new support letter that outlines our ministry , and need to get it into people 's hands , so if you 09 . 29 . 2011 If you 've been following my site , you might have noticed I 've been working on improving and adding a few things to it . When I made the first version of it in 2003 , preparing to start full - time missions , I knew a little HTML but making a blog would have been beyond consideration , and they weren 't a common thing then anyway . Now , though , in order to make it easy to share these posts on social networks and join the discussion , the individual articles I post now have their own blog - style view and can be commented on , and there are + 1 and like buttons too . I 've also updated the Tsunami journal I made after my early 2005 trip to Banda Aceh , mainly to improve readability . Anyway , I know adding social networking features may not seem like a big deal , but if you see something on here you 'd like to share , feel free - for a missionary , getting the word out is vital to having more prayer support , and sponsorship too . I have been wanting to get the progress bar at the top of this site to 100 % and then start a new one for a car , but it doesn 't look like that is going to happen - because we 're already at 100 % for a car ! This is great news for us as rising transportation costs have hindered our involvement in some forms of ministry for a while now , and we have some close friends to thank for making it happen . Our ministry in Agdao is going well ; I now have elementary - level students studying at the lab as well as high school and college . Cathy is very pregnant and due in less than 2 months , which is probably going to keep things interesting around the house . We 're studying weather and climate in our Friday morning Science classes at the feeding program , so last week we were talking about low and high pressure areas and how storms develop , looked at a map , and saw a big one was about to develop in the northern Philippines . Having seen the destruction it is causing Manila right now , I really wish in predicting we had a way to prevent it as well , but one thing we can definitely do is pray for the many people affected up t09 . 03 . 2011 It 's Saturday , the day to kick back and relax after a busy week , right ? For me , not exactly . Saturdays have become the busiest day of the week for me , and today is no exception - I left the house at 7 this morning , and will get back around 10 pm . The main reason for this is that the computer lab is only useful to students if they have time available to go , and the best day for that is Saturday when they aren 't at school . Lately I 've been pleased to watch the students adapt to a good studying environment and working quietly on their research and projects . At night , though , after the lab closes at 6 , I go over to our Saturday night worship service at HFTN . Tonight will be particularly interesting since it is my turn to preach again . I 'm by no means a pastor or someone who would consider preaching to be among their gifts , but I do like how our church is set up to encourage us to step out of the routine we feel safe in and be a part of sharing God 's Word . It teaches us to rely on the Holy Spirit in a way that using the talents He 's given us wouldn 't . Whether at Bible studies , our morning devotions at HFTN , or our small church , I 've found that while the intention is to help other people grow , sharing the Word is necessary for us to grow in Christ and not something to shy away from . Note : I 've written a new support letter that outlines our ministry , and need to get it into people 's hands , so if you can think of someone you 'd be willing to give it to , it would be quite a help to us . The letter can be downloaded here . 08 . 17 . 2011 While I continue to enjoy leading Bible studies and teaching my science class , the biggest project I have right now is the computer lab at Oasis , and it is coming along nicely . In fact , I 've opened it up for Oasis ' sponsored students to use during special study hours while we work on fundraising for the additional computers . I 'm also developing a nice bit of software to manage the lab easily , which is important as this is something I want to continue to bless people once I 've left the Philippines . While that 's challenged me to learn some new programming skills , by far the biggest challenge has been a spiritual one : in the first couple of days we 've had study hours , it 's been very clear that these kids come from very difficult backgrounds , and being able to build communication with them leading to their mentoring and spiritual growth will require a lot more than clever software . I will have to run this lab on my knees in prayer . Note : I 've written a new support letter that outlines our ministry , and need to get it into people 's hands , so if you can think of someone you 'd be willing to give it to , it would be quite a help to us . The letter can be downloaded here . 07 . 01 . 2011 As I write , I 'm installing educational software on the computers in our computer lab . At the current rate of progress I might have students using them by next Saturday , or earlier . The past two weeks have been pretty eventful , and included our 5th wedding anniversary , as well as a lot of different kinds of ministry opportunities . For example , Cathy and I were able to get together with our friends from church and cook meals that we brought to the evacuees that lost their homes in the recent flood . We are planning to do it again Monday . I 've also enjoyed leading devotion and preaching in our Saturday night worship service . I 've started teaching a 6th grade level Science class at HFTN on Fridays as part of our tutorial ministry , and I also joined some of the guys from our church in rebuilding the house of a widow in a Muslim area that was hit by the flood . My muscles are still sore from hauling sacks of gravel and pouring concrete , but it was great to be out doing some good old manual labor to show the love of Jesus . Note : I 've written a new support letter that outlines our ministry , and need to get it into people 's hands , so if you can think of someone you 'd be willing to give it to , it would be quite a help to us . The letter can be downloaded here . 07 . 01 . 2011 So , my site has been down for more than a week , and I was happy to know that someone noticed . Now that that 's resolved , I can get back to these updates . I have had an interesting month . One of the neat things that happened is that the president of Hope For The Nations International visited us from Canada for a time of staff training and spiritual encouragement . He 's a really nice guy and we don 't see him much since HFTN operates so many children 's homes and bases throughout Africa and Asia . The founder of our base in Davao also came with him and stayed a while to follow up with individual staff and it was really nice to reminisce about the early days of our ministry ; many of our current staff and leaders were teenagers that found a relationship with Jesus through the Bible study he started at House of Jubilee back when it was a maternity clinic . God has been restoring our excitement through this , but I also have new reasons to be excited , as I am now in the process of preparing the study center to open . We have a digital projector already for classes , and a budget that should get us 4 new computers , and we will continue to raise funds until we have a full set of 12 to 15 . Once the initial 4 are up and ready to use , we 'll open the lab for sponsored students to study on , probably in the next two weeks . It 's great to see something coming together after having a vision to do it for so long . Cathy and I are also hoping to do some more fundraising this summer , as we have not met our goals yet but aren 't very far from doing so . I 've written a new support letter that outlines our ministry , and need to get it into people 's hands , so if you can think of someone you 'd be willing to give it to , it would be quite a help to us . The letter can be downloaded here . 06 . 07 . 2011 Ok , I 'm back up to speed now . Since last update , I had jumped straight into preparing for the team , and they arrived on May 17th . This of course , being a Euroclass team , was a group of teenagers from Denmark who were very well - prepared for their outreach , although since they had already been to the Faroe Islands and Thailand before arriving in Davao , they were pretty tired . Still , they got right into our feeding program and enjoyed the time sharing God 's love with the kids , doing dramas and dances and the like . They also did an open - air event at a local basketball court , contributed to 2 church services on Sunday , and mobilized for a very early street feeding run . Since they were about halfway through their outreach , they also took a break here and joined a Filipino Martial Arts practice , spent time at the beach and went white - water rafting , after which they were clearly energized again for the next part of their trip , in Manila . After they left on the 28th , though , exhaustion caught up to me , and I was stuck in bed with a fever . I also celebrated my 30th birthday , memorable partly because I had overexerted myself at the martial arts practice and messed up my foot , and was walking with a cane . Anyway , my month has been quite a rollercoaster ride , but God has been good in protecting us the whole time , for example when the world 's most poisonous reptile ( the Banded Sea Krait ) swam up less than a meter from Roldan and I at the beach . Roldan 's 3rd birthday was June 1st , and now that I 'm feeling better and the crazy stuff is past , I 'm ready to look ahead to making plans for that study center , and hopefully , more work with the tribes as well . 05 . 05 . 2011 As usual , things start to really get moving when we have a team coming . Not just team stuff , either - it seems just when I 'm busiest , lots of other opportunities and open doors pop up . This year is no exception , as lots of exciting stuff has been happening just in the last few weeks . As Cathy and I have both had responsibilities at HFTN , we have been dividing the week and I have been getting used to doing some of my work at home with Roldan in my lap . Cathy has to step back from her work , though , with the baby on the way , so this is a good time for some new projects . I 've had a good meeting with friends in Kalayag , a locally - run ministry doing amazing work among the tribes , and it looks like they have lots of things I could be doing and an open invitation to get as involved as I can . Of course , without a car , that can 't be very often for now , but I 'd like to go once a week - they are about an hour 's travel from our part of Davao . They have the resources to build a computer lab , which could be interesting . And speaking of computer labs , I met with the leader of an educational ministry I used to teach web development classes at , and offered to help get their defunct computer lab up and running again as well . We got to talking about my vision for a study center , and much to my surprise , he and the board of his ministry have decided to ask me to not only help with their lab , but make it my own and open my study center there ! Even better , they have already acquired some donated machines to start with and modest funding to buy a few new ones , plus a projector . In other words , while I was looking for a place I could use to build a study center , now one has pretty much been given to me - within walking distance of HFTN , too . I can continue in HFTN in mornings and go over to Oasis ( where the new lab is ) in the afternoon and minister to students through providing resources and tutorial help , with the hopes that it leads to opportunities to talk to them about Jesus . And of course this all means that although I 'm 04 . 13 . 2011 Sometimes it is surprising how quickly the year goes by . Euroclass will be here soon enough in May to add some excitement to our lives , but I wouldn 't say things have been uneventful . In our last Admin meeting we were thanking God for several new sponsors for children in our program , and we are well underway in getting the new livelihood / fair trade project started . Materials have started to arrive and we are carefully considering who will be the first to hire to do the sewing , as they need to have experience and be able to help train others later on . My quarter of teaching the teens Sunday school class at ANCF is over , and while I really enjoyed it , it was also nice to stick around for the full church service again too . Meanwhile , for Cathy and I , our normal duties continue and we need to continue to draw on the Lord for strength and not get burnt out . Recently when I had the opportunity to lead devotion , I happened to do a search on the word ' approve ' while looking for a specific verse , and ended up scrapping what I had planned to talk about entirely . The verses that turned up actually seemed to fit together quite well , and helped me relearn something that is important to Christian life : God has given us two needs that we often confuse , the need for acceptance and the need for approval . For one reason or another we often mix them up in our minds and the result is believers who are working in the hopes that God will notice them and accept them , but His love and provision are not based on what we do once we are adopted and born again as children of God . We do seek to live our lives in a way that God will approve , but we do it to make Him happy and accomplish the mission we 've been given to bring more people into this family . And as 1 Thessalonians 2 : 4 says , the very fact that we have been entrusted with such a mission shows that we have a measure of God 's approval , and the promise that He can work through us . This has been an encouragement to me lately , so at the expense of posting what amounts to a t03 . 12 . 2011 Summer is nearly upon us . Yes , I know for many of my readers , Spring is the season that is about to arrive . But throughout the Philippines , from mid - March to mid - May are considered the Summer months as they tend to be the hottest and driest . And right during the transition from our Summer to everyone else 's is when the Euroclass team will arrive . Plenty of time to prepare , unlike last time when I arrived in the Philippines from my furlough mere days before they got here . There has been some progress in other areas , such as preparing to be more involved in educational projects , but lately the Rosemary feeding area has had much of the focus , especially for Cathy . What makes this project important is that it is very similar to our main location in Tancontian , where the church and missions base are located . When we started in Tancontian , crime rates were high , murders and the resulting funerals were almost regular experiences , and the children in the feeding program we started tended to do nothing but fight , use bad language , and break stuff . Some of these older children are now very helpful in teaching and looking after the younger ones in Tabitha : Food For Life , and we have seen a gradual change come over the community , although there are certainly still challenges . Bickering between the kids ' mothers and church members in general seems to be disappearing as well . But this is not yet the case with Rosemary . Rosemary is one of a handful of new feeding locations we have started , on Saturdays only , and are hoping to make a weekly program at if staff and budget make it possible . Of these new locations , it is the only one without a local church to work through . The difference is readily visible , as there is constant quarreling between the parents of attending children over who has a sponsor in our sponsorship , who they think is getting special treatment , etc . and the children themselves reflect this as well . Cathy has recently been given additional helpers for this project , but it can be pretty tiring . Lets p02 . 18 . 2011 It 's Friday . I have usually been doing my updates weekly on Saturdays , but a schedule change is in order , as I really need Saturdays to prepare for Sunday School . I 'm now leading the teens Sunday School class at All Nations Christian Fellowship , our local church in Davao , and will be for the next couple months . Somewhat as a surprise to me , the day before my first class I found out the books available were too far below teen level and I would have to more or less make my own lessons . This challenge has been good to me , and I 'm thankful that the Lord has blessed me with very patient students , all Filipinos except for one Korean . In addition to Sunday School , I 'm leading a small group Bible Study and led devotion at HFTN on Wednesday , so all in all , my new year 's resolution of getting more involved in teaching the Bible is off to a decent start , and I 'm working with High School and College students as well , which is what I feel I should be doing . In the meantime , I 'm reformulating plans for other educational projects , and preparing for the Euroclass team . They don 't arrive until May , but of course the work of hosting a team starts long before they arrive . Another thing that has taken my attention away from these updates has been a medical situation in the family . I didn 't share the details publicly , but I know some of you have been praying , because in the end no hospital visit was needed , and even the doctor thinks it was due to the power of prayer . I have also decided to post these updates every two weeks , instead of weekly , and probably let myself write more in them . 01 . 29 . 2011 Well , it 's Saturday again , the day these updates seem to have settled on . This is also the day that Cathy handles the feeding program at Rosemary , which is a community not far from where Cathy 's family used to live . The average number of children fed each Saturday is usually around 80 , I think , but Cathy says this morning there was a turnout of over one hundred kids , some of which hadn 't been coming for a while until today . This01 . 22 . 2011 Another week of good meetings with people , and being the occasional computer hero when something isn 't working . It looks like I 'm set to be teaching Sunday school , leading an additional Bible study , and tutoring Tabitha kids in Science . At our Admin meeting yesterday it was reported that 4 more children have sponsors now in our sponsorship program , two of which are being sponsored locally . It 's nice that we can find sponsors both here and abroad , as it helps to break the mindset that is prevalent here that Filipinos must depend on people from places like America to fund ministry . God is bigger than our economic differences , and wants us to be in unity in ministry . Speaking of breaking down economic barriers , we have a new project that I 'm hoping will be successful - a fair trade initiative to employ some of the mothers of children in our programs in sewing items like nursing wraps and luggage tags which will be sold in America . The idea behind such fair trade projects is to cut out some of the middlemen , and enable these people to earn a wage that is closer to what the work deserves . Wages are amazingly low in the Philippines , like many other developing nations . I 've been told that the average wage is around $ 5 a day , even if you have a college degree . Making it possible for members of the community to earn something that can really help their families without needing more than part - time hours will really benefit them . As with most of our ministry efforts , it may look tiny compared with the colossal need , but God calls us to things He can accomplish through us . 01 . 15 . 2011 It 's been a nice start to a new year , balanced between ministry and family time . Cathy of course has picked right up where she left off with sponsorship reports and the feeding program . I 've been involved with some of that as well , but mainly I 'm trying to lay out plans for new projects . My main goal for this quarter was to get a study center running as sort of a library and computer lab , using a room at our base that has been mostly used for storage for a while . That particular room , however , has found a use as a friend of mine has helped to start a fair trade project which we hope will give members of the community paying work that will help them break the cycle of unemployment and idleness , and let them provide for their families which are often quite large . This is something we 've wanted to do for a while , so I think it 's best to find somewhere else to start the study center . In the meantime , though , there is another ministry in a different community within moderate walking distance that has an empty computer lab . This is Oasis , a ministry that shares many of our goals and vision . I taught HTML classes there before , but the aging computers that had been donated to them eventually reached their ' retirement age ' , and now there is just one . While I am not directly involved in this ministry , I want to raise awareness anyway , in the hopes that someone knows of some old computers that might be donated to them ( especially in Davao , as shipping can be difficult ) . They really make resources available to students , and I 'd love to restart the classes I used to teach there . I also must mention that Cathy has been needing a computer of her own for work , since she is also on staff now and handles a lot of documentation . We 've been looking at inexpensive netbooks like the Acer Aspire One , which is under $ 300 . I haven 't mentioned specific needs like this in a while as we were so concerned with just paying our rent , but I 'd appreciate prayer in helping find a solution for this small need . Like I said , we 've also fo01 . 08 . 2011 Happy New Year ! I know I 'm happy that 2011 has arrived , I can just tell it will be a good one . I think one of the biggest challenges we face right now is looking at a lot of open doors for new areas of ministry , and needing God 's guidance in how to manage our priorities so that we can be most effective . Considering how our situation seemed so discouraging a few months ago , I 'm actually glad that was the time that I wasn 't able to update my site - probably God 's way of keeping me from writing anything that would look silly now . Well , since I just uploaded a " year in review " newsletter , I 'll keep this short . I just want to thank all of you who are praying for us and supporting us . It 's both humbling and encouraging to be able to see how interconnected we all are in accomplishing God 's work throughout the world . God is good . 12 . 26 . 2010 Merry Christmas ! This December has of course been much more focused on ministry than shopping or even resting for us , but we 've been able to catch up a bit now . Our parties for the children in Tabitha and the sponsorship program ran pretty smoothly and we were able to give them a nice meal of spaghetti and fried chicken , apples ( as rare and valued for them as mangoes are for us ) , and new flip - flops to wear . The party itself was fun for them and each age group prepared a song and / or dance to present . Many of their parents also came , including those that otherwise don 't attend the church services , and heard of the love of Christ . The Malikongkong trip was even more exciting , at least for me , as it has been a couple of years since I had been up there and even longer for Cathy , as we couldn 't bring an infant on those trails . Roldan , however , took to mountain climbing this year like a pro and hardly needed to be carried , especially once one of our Matigsalug friends brought a horse for him to ride on . Roldan loved that , and wanted to ride on every horse he saw afterwards . He also got along really well with the other children of the village , and enjoyed chasing ducks and goats around too . Cathy and I , along with the rest of the team , spent the afternoon preparing the food , and I personally cubed several kilos of pork with a machete . At night we had our Christmas meal around a campfire with several hundred tribal people , and then I was asked to give a short message ( with no warning in advance so I could prepare ) . I simply spoke about what we can learn about God from the Christmas story , in the fact that he came into our world at a time when it not only wasn 't made ready for Him , but didn 't even recognize Him . He was born among farm animals in a dirty stable , and the first to hear about it were shepherds . While this meant that He would have no problem visiting a place like Malikongkong , the real message is that He is ready to come into our hearts , even if they are dirty and unprepared for Him . And for the nextOur support letter from earlier in the year can still be downloaded here , and we also have a color brochure here . Some of the info is outdated but they are still useful . 12 . 11 . 2010 This has been another week of mostly the sort of planning , purchasing , etc that precedes the second half of December where all the interesting stuff happens . That 's not to say there weren 't any highlights . I got to lead our staff devotion a couple of days ago , and while each of us usually takes a turn at least once a month , this time went well despite a lack of sleep and it was encouraging to have the Holy Spirit to turn to for strength - most noticeable when you run out of your own . I 've had good talks with other people in ministry that I don 't see often , as well as some former interns that managed to come back for a vacation ( although I have tried to trick them into getting back to work anyway ) and happened to both show up right before Christmas . One has taken the time to try to teach me a new kind of programming , which is great because I find myself encouraging younger programmers in Agdao fairly often and could stand a little more training myself , though actually applying it will have to wait until we get our Christmas break . Another highlight , earlier today , was stopping by the Tabitha program in Rosemary to help Cathy set up a sound system for their dance practice , and then afterward hearing that the moms helping out there were impressed at me speaking Bisaya with Cathy . That always makes me feel good . But you know life isn 't all highlights , and we 've had some stressful moments lately too - especially with ATMs and our debit card , which seem to have had every random problem possible . Probably the banking system is just straining under the load of all the holiday commerce going on . But the highlight here is knowing that we don 't depend on a system , but on a Father in Heaven that already knew what hiccups we might face and is fully able to supply all our needs . A few months ago I wouldn 't have thought that we would be so close to hitting our support goals by the end of the year . 12 . 04 . 2010 Well , December is here at last , and Christmas music and decorations are everywhere . I 've also seen my first carolers at the gate this year , some of which carried the traditional stringed instrument known as a kuglung , and played it far better than I can play mine . The local government has tried to reach out to the tribal people of the nearby mountains by giving them aid during Christmas for years . While they have nothing but good intentions , this has encouraged these indigenous people groups to enter the cities , and while doing so , accept the role of beggars in mainstream Filipino society , dependent on the people of the lowlands who can give them rice and other aid . This is a holdover from the mindset of the colonial period , and many here never stop to think about how disturbingly backwards it is - the tribes may not have SUVs or new cell phones or money in the bank , but they carry the rich cultural traditions of the Philippines that have become watered down , and sometimes abandoned , in the cities . They should be respected and valued , and if we are to help them , it 's better if we can go to them , rather than making them come to us . This , I am told , is the inspiration behind the Christmas party organized each year though Tribal Mission Foundation and Simbahang Kristianong Lumad . Cathy and I have been a part of this for several years , along with friends from our church , and have at times been able to contribute to the budget for food . This year , we are bringing clothes that have been donated , which will give our friends in Malikongkong 's SimKris church the unenviable task of distributing them in a non - chaotic way . We hope you will pray with us that this will be used by God to be a blessing , rather than sparking quarreling or envy . What we want most is to share with them the love of the Father that sent Jesus into our world to rescue us . That is what all the fuss over Christmas is about anyway . And this year will be interesting as we are bringing our son Roldan with us , too . If it goes well , we might be abOur support letter from earlier in the year can still be downloaded here , and we also have a color brochure here . Some of the info is outdated but they are still useful . 11 . 27 . 2010 Things are winding up for what is probably our busiest month of the year . Pasko ( Christmas ) is a huge deal in Filipino culture , and I 've written before about the unique way it is celebrated here . And as I have said , Filipinos excel at parties , and it 's something we can use to build relationships with the community and find opportunity to share the love of God with them . We also have a staff party , of course , and the party in Malikongkong , which I must admit is the one I am most excited for . We 've decided to bring Roldan with us this time , as he did well when we went hiking at park in the mountains recently , and perhaps we can start visiting the tribes regularly like we used to now that he is such an active toddler and isn 't sick nearly so often as he used to be . Cathy has been busy with our year - end reports to people sponsoring students , and several new students have sponsors . Our current sponsorship program is a new approach that grew out of a desire to respond to the needs we saw in the lives of older children in Tabitha : Food For Life , and a bit different from our aid to college students in the past . We have seen so many elementary students struggle to remain in school , or just give up , because although the public schools are free , they have many associated costs nonetheless . Families must be able to pay for the required school uniforms , transportation costs , meals , school supplies , and sometimes field trips - add to that many students paying for tutors in order to get help with subjects challenging to them , and occasionally teachers who will fine students a peso each time they are caught speaking their own language , usually Bisaya , rather than the national language which is Filipino , closely based on Tagalog . Students in our sponsorship program are ones we have found dedicated sponsors for , a process that involves case studies of their children and their families . The sponsorship covers all of these associated costs of schooling , and for our part we ( especially Cathy ) spend considerable time follow11 . 20 . 2010 Happy Thanksgiving ! We may not be eating turkey , but we do have a great deal to be thankful for . I was just thinking that as Believers , one of the best is knowing Who we are thankful to . This week has mostly consisted of making preparations for our Christmas programs , including the Christmas party for the families of children in the Tabitha : Food For Life program . A Filipino party always means good food , and we 'll also have games and such , but the party is also a way for us to reach out to the families and get to know them , and give glory to God . Many people and ministries do some sort of feeding project around the holidays in Davao , but Tabitha : Food For Life operates year - round , and has an entirely different strategy than most . Children become members of TFFL , after being screened and showing clear signs of malnutrition . There is a great need , because rather than children starving to death , what we encounter is lots of children whose families can only afford to eat small amounts of rice , and therefore are not getting the nutrients they need to grow . Each child in the program gets not only food , but also a growth chart showing their progress in reaching a healthy weight for their age , case studies of their family situation , regular house visits from our staff so we can follow up and reach out to their families , and events like the aforementioned Christmas party . During the week at our primary location at our missions base , the children have a daily program that includes preschool and Sunday school level educational activities , crafts , supervision during play , stories read to them from our small library , and other wholesome activities , mostly before meal time . When the food is ready to be served , they first wash their hands , as part of our focus on teaching hygiene ; they brush their teeth ( with toothbrushes given to them by us ) after they eat . At times , through our follow up we become aware of medical situations that we can help in some way with , and we do what we can to make sure they are given the ca11 . 13 . 2010 It 's good to be back . I 've switched web hosting providers , as the old one lost all my updates since June 16th , said they would get them back , and then left me waiting for over a month , unable to update my site . You 'll notice some minor changes , and there are probably things here and there I still need to fix , but the important thing is I can update this site again - although it doesn 't hurt that the new web host is half the price of the old one , either . Cathy and I have been just as busy as ever , as she is now a full - time member of HFTN Philippines herself , and is in charge of the student sponsorship program , as well as managing the feeding program at one of the new locations on Saturdays . I have been working on HFTN Philippines ' web site , HFTNPH . org , which you should check out . Other than that , I 've hardly had any computer work to do , which is good , because I 'm helping Cathy revise student sponsorship profiles for children we are seeking sponsors for , looking after our two interns , who have really been a blessing as they share our heart for children and have been very closely involved in our ministries , and Cathy and I are both leading small - group Bible studies now . If you read some of our previous updates before they were eaten by the old web server , you might wonder when I 'm planning to return to America and if I found a job yet . We 've been through some trying times financially , but came to a point where we decided to fight to stay here , because we both know we still have work we are called to do , and finances will have to just get out of our way . Right about that time , we found a new house to rent which is much cheaper , situated near a jeepney route , and in a much cooler area at the edge fo the city , so we don 't need to run our aircon as much ( I 'm writing now with only an electric fan on , and not dripping sweat on the keyboard ) . This has reduced our monthly expenditures by around $ 150 , which is a lot for us . At the same time , we 've received gifts from new sponsors which helped us get out of the red06 . 16 . 2010 We started this month by saying goodbye to the Euroclass team , and having a small birthday celebration for Roldan , on his actual birthday , although he had also had a party in America before we left . But Cathy and I had also had a plan for a while to give the children in the Tabitha : Food For Life program a party as well . We were able to make that happen on the 12th , after having some of our friends from Agdao come over and stay up late baking over 200 chocolate chip cookies with Cathy the night before . I 'm not entirely sure how many of the kids knew it was Roldan 's party , because they all got cookies and ice cream , and we were able to give out school supplies we had left over from a another project as well . Roldan , of course , was up on the stage dancing and trying to sing into a microphone . Just the kind of chaotic fun we usually expect during the feeding program . The past couple of days I 've also been able to help with coordinating with other ministries in expanding the feeding program to some new areas , try to get some of issues with our office network sorted out ( some of it was replaced while I was on furlough after power outages damaged some equipment ) , and prepare for the interns , who arrive early tomorrow morning . I guess we 're getting back up to speed on things . Our current Support letter can be downloaded here , and we also have a color brochure here . 06 . 05 . 2010 Hi from the Philippines ! We arrived May 14th , but we barely had time to get back to a normal sleeping pattern before the Euroclass team arrived , and then it seemed I was always falling asleep whenever a free moment found me . This year I had the benefit of previous experience , though , and I think everyone had a great time during their visit . I was especially blessed by how well these Danish teenagers were able to jump into our Tabitha : Food for Life program and build relationships with the kids . These children need that kind of mentoring and I wish they could have stayed longer , tired though I might be . Perhaps some of them will come back as interns , as I did - and then end up on staff as well : ) . Speaking of interns , we will have more than average later in the summer , starting with five arriving on the 17th . I 'm also excited to see our feeding program expanding again already to a few new locations in the coming months , possibly reaching out to some of the different people groups that have formed their own communities in this diverse city . Cathy and I also can be thankful that our support level is back up to something we can live on for the foreseeable future . A lot of people here I have talked to have been feeling , like us , that they don 't want to always have to be thinking about money , but rather focus on God 's work . I 've been seeing God make that possible and I 'm very thankful ! Our current Support letter can be downloaded here , and we also have a color brochure here . 05 . 11 . 2010 Hard to believe we have been in the ' States for almost 6 months . Roldan has grown a lot here and learned quite a few words . Tonight we will be flying out on our way to Manila , although we won 't get there until Thursday , and then we will fly to Davao on Friday . It 's a long journey , especially with a toddler on your lap , but we are excited to return to our home and ministry in the Philippines . It 's also a very expensive trip , and we are amazed at the outpouring of finances we have seen in the last couple of days that have made it possible . We also found better than average prices for the tickets - our tickets from here to New York City were only $ 41 . 40 for the three of us ! God let us get to the point where all we had was our trust in Him , and has now supplied all our immediate needs . The first month in Davao will probably be a little tight because of our travel expenses , but our monthly sponsorship is now significantly better than when we arrived in NY in December , and we will be able to get to work on a lot of projects that we have been wanting to start now . First order of business , of course , is the team of 18 young people from Denmark that will arrive on the 20th . I 'm sure we 'll have beaten jet lag by then , enjoyed some mangoes , and gotten ready to jump in ! Our current Support letter can be downloaded here , and we also have a color brochure here . 04 . 13 . 2010 We have been on furlough now for quite a while , and are planning our return to Davao . It has been nice to be encouraged and refreshed by our visits to different churches in the area , and reassuring to have some new supporters as well . While we do need to continue to work on having enough monthly support to sustain our work once we return , we also need to be thinking about plane tickets to get there . Prices are better right now than they were on the way over , but they will get more expensive the closer we get to our target departure date of May 7th . We 've been traveling quite a bit lately , in particular with our long road trip to San Antonio to visit my grandparents . Grandma is in the hospital and it was really important to me to be there and to finally introduce them to Cathy and Roldan . It has been impressed on me lately that , as important as one 's call to ministry is , it doesn 't supersede our call to our families . Cathy and I have known for a while that eventually we 'd have to take some years off and work on her citizenship so that , in the event things don 't go as planned , it wouldn 't separate us . We 've been praying about it and feel that we should aim to do that in two years after we 've wrapped up this current phase of ministry . I 'm very confident we would return to missions work in the Philippines after that , but as for how soon , we don 't know yet . I would be building a career in IT at that time so that as a family we would have a solid foundation . While that new adventure is becoming visible on the horizon , it doesn 't change our immediate plans ; in fact , it gives us more motivation and focus . Our current Support letter can be downloaded here , and we also have a color brochure here . 03 . 15 . 2010 As we continue to do our fundraising so we can return to our ministry in Davao , we have visited a bunch of churches in the area and reconnected with people I haven 't seen in years . I will be speaking in two of them within the next month , which is something that goes with the territory as a missionary but still makes me nervous sometimes . Nevertheless , I do look forward to the opportunity to share what God has been doing through our ministry and about our heart for Filipino youth and their families . I 've also been finding odd jobs here and there , mostly fixing computers for friends . I 'd really like to find some more formal work as well so we will be set when it comes time to buy our plane tickets . Our trip to New York City went well , even with the slippery winter roads , and we can be assured that Roldan will have his passport when we are ready to leave . When exactly that is has yet to be determined , but within the next couple of months we will either succeed or fail to raise our goal amount , and either way Cathy cannot stay in America later than the end of May because of her visa . This means I could potentially be left behind to continue the campaign , which is an unpleasant thought . As always we greatly appreciate your prayers as we seek God 's will and try to discern the plan He has for us . Our current Support letter can be downloaded here , and we also have a color brochure here .
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05 . 04 . 2013 I suppose a year without updates has been a good tip - off that something had changed . The Lord led us to move to America to be closer to family and build a second career that would provide for our children , and with my new job at Rackspace in San Antonio , TX that has come to pass . This new career has been a blessing and is going amazingly well . I arrived on the job looking a bit lost in April 2012 , and set myself to learn as quickly as I could . In barely a year I 'm now enjoying handling difficult escalations and training the new hires . Much of the personal growth I encountered on the missions field has been helpful here , and it 's clear that God had a pretty great plan all along . Cathy has been able to stay at home with the kids , and thankfully we do know some Filipino families in the area and have been able to find a great little Vinyard church to join . We get to visit my Grandfather 's ranch up in the Hill Country from time to time , and Roldan has enjoyed riding horses with him . Baby Eli was walking at about 10 months and is now starting to talk at a year and a half . While we haven 't had a chance to return to the Philippines since our arrival , we do try to stay connected to our friends who are still serving and living there . This first year has taken up much of our attention simply becoming established in America , but the Philippines will always be in our hearts , and as we find opportunity for further ministry here and there in the future , I 'll probably use this page to reflect that . While it probably won 't be updated much otherwise , there are still nice pictures and memories that I intend to keep online , and of course it is now running on a Rackspace Cloud Server ( with a Cloud Database backend ) so I shouldn 't have any trouble keeping it going . Thanks for checking back , and may the Lord bless you ! 03 . 13 . 2012 Since the moment we got word that I had been hired for my new job in Texas , we 've been working on sorting out all the details of our move , and there 's still a checklist of things to get done . Many have been solved , including the trip to Manila to get Elijah 's passport and the document that will serve as his American birth certificate . What looms over us now is the need to buy the actual plane tickets for all of us to fly over to NY . After that , we 'll drive down to TX with the van we 've been donated , and some things that are still at Mom and Dad 's house - other than that we 'll pretty much be starting over . The problem we face at this moment though is that we should fly by the end of the month , as I actually start my first day of work April 9th . Now that Roldan is old enough to require his own plane ticket the total cost of airfare is quite high , and it will keep going up . If we don 't buy our tickets within a week or so , we may have a serious problem . Fortunately , we do have a lot of the costs raised , and more if we manage to sell our car soon , but even then we 're not quite there . I hope you 'll join us in prayer for this as we seek out God 's answer , either through additional donations or the ability to borrow , or through a good deal on the tickets . Of course , with this stuff weighing on our minds , I 've still got plenty to do at HFTN , as we have a team from Canada visiting and taking care of teams is one of my most important responsibilities . With that and the plane tickets , and of course hunting for an apartment in San Antonio , it 's hard not to feel like we 're in several places at once - but God is omnipresent and He is and will continue to sustain us . 02 . 11 . 2012 This is my first update of the new year , so it seems like I should explain why . Our ministry hasn 't been interrupted at HFTN , or in the computer lab project at Oasis . At least , not yet . At the beginning of January I got an email from the company ( Rackspace Hosting ) I was hoping to eventually work at in San Antonio , which as you probably know is where we have been planning to move in about a year . They had a job they wanted to interview me for , so I figured I 'd hold off and post once I knew what the results were , just in case . Well , the process was a bit more involved than I had expected , and after 5 interviews , I 've been hired . It might not have been expected to happen so soon , but Cathy and I have peace that this is God 's timing , and considering that I don 't have a degree and this job is in the very technical field of Linux system administration , I wouldn 't be offended if you called it a miracle . I 've been studying in my spare time to take this from a hobby to a career , but to see it happen is pretty neat . So now we have a few months of crazed preparations , and a lot of new challenges to pray for . Rackspace wants me to get there by the end of March , if possible . I 've sent emails to the supporters I had addresses on hand for , but I still need the addresses for some of you , so please email me if you haven 't gotten the letter yet . Until I leave Davao I am still actively working in missions , and I have a lot of things to do in preparation , not to mention expensive airfare , so we hope you 'll keep us in prayer . Our God is amazing and his plans can sure be surprising ! We have all the more reason to trust that he can meet all of our needs as we follow Him . 12 . 01 . 2011 Well , Christmas decorations have already been up for a while over here , but for us November has its own holiday , Thanksgiving . It 's great to set aside an entire holiday to thank the Lord for all His blessings and provision , and we have a great deal of new blessings to be thankful for . Our meal ended up being interrupted , though , as God wasn 't done blessing us for the day yet , and Elijah Andres Emmons was born at 9 : 26 PM . At 9 pounds , 4 ounces and 21 . 5 inches long , he was a pretty big Thanksgiving baby . We are very thankful for everyone who has been praying for us , especially for the safe delivery of our son , who was born without complications at the Mercy Maternity Center - much more comfortable and several orders of magnitude less expensive than the hospital . Mercy is another ministry operating in Davao that is accomplishing great things for the Lord , and our HFTN base is actually the building they ran their clinic in before they moved into their nice big place down the road a bit . So now Roldan has a little brother , and I think he 's looking forward to him being big enough to play with , but for now Cathy and I have a lot on our hands with an infant and a ridiculously energetic toddler to manage . Our house is inundated with cute . Also , used diapers . And of course we couldn 't be happier . This is the start of a beautiful December . Of course , it isn 't Christmas break yet , and there 's plenty of ministry to attend to , but it 's hard not to feel like we 've already unwrapped a present : ) . Note : As of June we have a new support letter that outlines our ministry , and need to get it into people 's hands , so if you can think of someone you 'd be willing to give it to , it would be quite a help to us . The letter can be downloaded here . 10 . 25 . 2011 October has been a month of God reassuring us we are in the right place , as we have faithfully continued in the ministry we felt called to labor in . One thing we have waited for a long time to see was the provision of a car , to keep our growing family safe ( none of the local forms of public transportation have seat belts , let alone child seats ) , enable more ministry in places outside the immediate city area , and bring down our weekly transportation expenses . Now that we 've been able to get a used Kia sedan , and I 've gotten over the initial terrors of learning to drive all over again in a place where the rules are , ahem , slightly different , I look forward to driving up to the mountains sometime and visiting some of the villages I have not seen in a while , although of course I 'd still have to walk the last few kilometers : ) . In the meantime , it has already been a great blessing and even enabled us to visit some of Cathy 's relatives we don 't see very often . Cathy is of course still busy being pregnant , and we are due pretty soon , which will probably shake things up again for us more than we realize . I 'm busy too , of course , because we are preparing for a team coming from early next year and have to have plans set so we won 't get derailed over Christmas break . Now one of my best friends at Oasis is back from furlough , we have been brainstorming for ways to connect the computer lab and the youth ministry over there and make sure the lab is functioning as more than just a nice resource , but really lets us mentor the kids that come in . And with October coming to a close already , while the Philippines does have its own interesting version of Halloween ( involving setting up tents and camping directly on top of the graves of relatives , sometimes ) , our prayer and focus is that God would use us and the new ways He 's equipped us to reap a harvest for Him here in the poorer areas of Davao City . Note : As of June we have a new support letter that outlines our ministry , and need to get it into people 's hands , so if you 09 . 29 . 2011 If you 've been following my site , you might have noticed I 've been working on improving and adding a few things to it . When I made the first version of it in 2003 , preparing to start full - time missions , I knew a little HTML but making a blog would have been beyond consideration , and they weren 't a common thing then anyway . Now , though , in order to make it easy to share these posts on social networks and join the discussion , the individual articles I post now have their own blog - style view and can be commented on , and there are + 1 and like buttons too . I 've also updated the Tsunami journal I made after my early 2005 trip to Banda Aceh , mainly to improve readability . Anyway , I know adding social networking features may not seem like a big deal , but if you see something on here you 'd like to share , feel free - for a missionary , getting the word out is vital to having more prayer support , and sponsorship too . I have been wanting to get the progress bar at the top of this site to 100 % and then start a new one for a car , but it doesn 't look like that is going to happen - because we 're already at 100 % for a car ! This is great news for us as rising transportation costs have hindered our involvement in some forms of ministry for a while now , and we have some close friends to thank for making it happen . Our ministry in Agdao is going well ; I now have elementary - level students studying at the lab as well as high school and college . Cathy is very pregnant and due in less than 2 months , which is probably going to keep things interesting around the house . We 're studying weather and climate in our Friday morning Science classes at the feeding program , so last week we were talking about low and high pressure areas and how storms develop , looked at a map , and saw a big one was about to develop in the northern Philippines . Having seen the destruction it is causing Manila right now , I really wish in predicting we had a way to prevent it as well , but one thing we can definitely do is pray for the many people affected up t09 . 03 . 2011 It 's Saturday , the day to kick back and relax after a busy week , right ? For me , not exactly . Saturdays have become the busiest day of the week for me , and today is no exception - I left the house at 7 this morning , and will get back around 10 pm . The main reason for this is that the computer lab is only useful to students if they have time available to go , and the best day for that is Saturday when they aren 't at school . Lately I 've been pleased to watch the students adapt to a good studying environment and working quietly on their research and projects . At night , though , after the lab closes at 6 , I go over to our Saturday night worship service at HFTN . Tonight will be particularly interesting since it is my turn to preach again . I 'm by no means a pastor or someone who would consider preaching to be among their gifts , but I do like how our church is set up to encourage us to step out of the routine we feel safe in and be a part of sharing God 's Word . It teaches us to rely on the Holy Spirit in a way that using the talents He 's given us wouldn 't . Whether at Bible studies , our morning devotions at HFTN , or our small church , I 've found that while the intention is to help other people grow , sharing the Word is necessary for us to grow in Christ and not something to shy away from . Note : I 've written a new support letter that outlines our ministry , and need to get it into people 's hands , so if you can think of someone you 'd be willing to give it to , it would be quite a help to us . The letter can be downloaded here . 08 . 17 . 2011 While I continue to enjoy leading Bible studies and teaching my science class , the biggest project I have right now is the computer lab at Oasis , and it is coming along nicely . In fact , I 've opened it up for Oasis ' sponsored students to use during special study hours while we work on fundraising for the additional computers . I 'm also developing a nice bit of software to manage the lab easily , which is important as this is something I want to continue to bless people once I 've left the Philippines . While that 's challenged me to learn some new programming skills , by far the biggest challenge has been a spiritual one : in the first couple of days we 've had study hours , it 's been very clear that these kids come from very difficult backgrounds , and being able to build communication with them leading to their mentoring and spiritual growth will require a lot more than clever software . I will have to run this lab on my knees in prayer . Note : I 've written a new support letter that outlines our ministry , and need to get it into people 's hands , so if you can think of someone you 'd be willing to give it to , it would be quite a help to us . The letter can be downloaded here . 07 . 01 . 2011 As I write , I 'm installing educational software on the computers in our computer lab . At the current rate of progress I might have students using them by next Saturday , or earlier . The past two weeks have been pretty eventful , and included our 5th wedding anniversary , as well as a lot of different kinds of ministry opportunities . For example , Cathy and I were able to get together with our friends from church and cook meals that we brought to the evacuees that lost their homes in the recent flood . We are planning to do it again Monday . I 've also enjoyed leading devotion and preaching in our Saturday night worship service . I 've started teaching a 6th grade level Science class at HFTN on Fridays as part of our tutorial ministry , and I also joined some of the guys from our church in rebuilding the house of a widow in a Muslim area that was hit by the flood . My muscles are still sore from hauling sacks of gravel and pouring concrete , but it was great to be out doing some good old manual labor to show the love of Jesus . Note : I 've written a new support letter that outlines our ministry , and need to get it into people 's hands , so if you can think of someone you 'd be willing to give it to , it would be quite a help to us . The letter can be downloaded here . 07 . 01 . 2011 So , my site has been down for more than a week , and I was happy to know that someone noticed . Now that that 's resolved , I can get back to these updates . I have had an interesting month . One of the neat things that happened is that the president of Hope For The Nations International visited us from Canada for a time of staff training and spiritual encouragement . He 's a really nice guy and we don 't see him much since HFTN operates so many children 's homes and bases throughout Africa and Asia . The founder of our base in Davao also came with him and stayed a while to follow up with individual staff and it was really nice to reminisce about the early days of our ministry ; many of our current staff and leaders were teenagers that found a relationship with Jesus through the Bible study he started at House of Jubilee back when it was a maternity clinic . God has been restoring our excitement through this , but I also have new reasons to be excited , as I am now in the process of preparing the study center to open . We have a digital projector already for classes , and a budget that should get us 4 new computers , and we will continue to raise funds until we have a full set of 12 to 15 . Once the initial 4 are up and ready to use , we 'll open the lab for sponsored students to study on , probably in the next two weeks . It 's great to see something coming together after having a vision to do it for so long . Cathy and I are also hoping to do some more fundraising this summer , as we have not met our goals yet but aren 't very far from doing so . I 've written a new support letter that outlines our ministry , and need to get it into people 's hands , so if you can think of someone you 'd be willing to give it to , it would be quite a help to us . The letter can be downloaded here . 06 . 07 . 2011 Ok , I 'm back up to speed now . Since last update , I had jumped straight into preparing for the team , and they arrived on May 17th . This of course , being a Euroclass team , was a group of teenagers from Denmark who were very well - prepared for their outreach , although since they had already been to the Faroe Islands and Thailand before arriving in Davao , they were pretty tired . Still , they got right into our feeding program and enjoyed the time sharing God 's love with the kids , doing dramas and dances and the like . They also did an open - air event at a local basketball court , contributed to 2 church services on Sunday , and mobilized for a very early street feeding run . Since they were about halfway through their outreach , they also took a break here and joined a Filipino Martial Arts practice , spent time at the beach and went white - water rafting , after which they were clearly energized again for the next part of their trip , in Manila . After they left on the 28th , though , exhaustion caught up to me , and I was stuck in bed with a fever . I also celebrated my 30th birthday , memorable partly because I had overexerted myself at the martial arts practice and messed up my foot , and was walking with a cane . Anyway , my month has been quite a rollercoaster ride , but God has been good in protecting us the whole time , for example when the world 's most poisonous reptile ( the Banded Sea Krait ) swam up less than a meter from Roldan and I at the beach . Roldan 's 3rd birthday was June 1st , and now that I 'm feeling better and the crazy stuff is past , I 'm ready to look ahead to making plans for that study center , and hopefully , more work with the tribes as well . 05 . 05 . 2011 As usual , things start to really get moving when we have a team coming . Not just team stuff , either - it seems just when I 'm busiest , lots of other opportunities and open doors pop up . This year is no exception , as lots of exciting stuff has been happening just in the last few weeks . As Cathy and I have both had responsibilities at HFTN , we have been dividing the week and I have been getting used to doing some of my work at home with Roldan in my lap . Cathy has to step back from her work , though , with the baby on the way , so this is a good time for some new projects . I 've had a good meeting with friends in Kalayag , a locally - run ministry doing amazing work among the tribes , and it looks like they have lots of things I could be doing and an open invitation to get as involved as I can . Of course , without a car , that can 't be very often for now , but I 'd like to go once a week - they are about an hour 's travel from our part of Davao . They have the resources to build a computer lab , which could be interesting . And speaking of computer labs , I met with the leader of an educational ministry I used to teach web development classes at , and offered to help get their defunct computer lab up and running again as well . We got to talking about my vision for a study center , and much to my surprise , he and the board of his ministry have decided to ask me to not only help with their lab , but make it my own and open my study center there ! Even better , they have already acquired some donated machines to start with and modest funding to buy a few new ones , plus a projector . In other words , while I was looking for a place I could use to build a study center , now one has pretty much been given to me - within walking distance of HFTN , too . I can continue in HFTN in mornings and go over to Oasis ( where the new lab is ) in the afternoon and minister to students through providing resources and tutorial help , with the hopes that it leads to opportunities to talk to them about Jesus . And of course this all means that although I 'm 04 . 13 . 2011 Sometimes it is surprising how quickly the year goes by . Euroclass will be here soon enough in May to add some excitement to our lives , but I wouldn 't say things have been uneventful . In our last Admin meeting we were thanking God for several new sponsors for children in our program , and we are well underway in getting the new livelihood / fair trade project started . Materials have started to arrive and we are carefully considering who will be the first to hire to do the sewing , as they need to have experience and be able to help train others later on . My quarter of teaching the teens Sunday school class at ANCF is over , and while I really enjoyed it , it was also nice to stick around for the full church service again too . Meanwhile , for Cathy and I , our normal duties continue and we need to continue to draw on the Lord for strength and not get burnt out . Recently when I had the opportunity to lead devotion , I happened to do a search on the word ' approve ' while looking for a specific verse , and ended up scrapping what I had planned to talk about entirely . The verses that turned up actually seemed to fit together quite well , and helped me relearn something that is important to Christian life : God has given us two needs that we often confuse , the need for acceptance and the need for approval . For one reason or another we often mix them up in our minds and the result is believers who are working in the hopes that God will notice them and accept them , but His love and provision are not based on what we do once we are adopted and born again as children of God . We do seek to live our lives in a way that God will approve , but we do it to make Him happy and accomplish the mission we 've been given to bring more people into this family . And as 1 Thessalonians 2 : 4 says , the very fact that we have been entrusted with such a mission shows that we have a measure of God 's approval , and the promise that He can work through us . This has been an encouragement to me lately , so at the expense of posting what amounts to a t03 . 12 . 2011 Summer is nearly upon us . Yes , I know for many of my readers , Spring is the season that is about to arrive . But throughout the Philippines , from mid - March to mid - May are considered the Summer months as they tend to be the hottest and driest . And right during the transition from our Summer to everyone else 's is when the Euroclass team will arrive . Plenty of time to prepare , unlike last time when I arrived in the Philippines from my furlough mere days before they got here . There has been some progress in other areas , such as preparing to be more involved in educational projects , but lately the Rosemary feeding area has had much of the focus , especially for Cathy . What makes this project important is that it is very similar to our main location in Tancontian , where the church and missions base are located . When we started in Tancontian , crime rates were high , murders and the resulting funerals were almost regular experiences , and the children in the feeding program we started tended to do nothing but fight , use bad language , and break stuff . Some of these older children are now very helpful in teaching and looking after the younger ones in Tabitha : Food For Life , and we have seen a gradual change come over the community , although there are certainly still challenges . Bickering between the kids ' mothers and church members in general seems to be disappearing as well . But this is not yet the case with Rosemary . Rosemary is one of a handful of new feeding locations we have started , on Saturdays only , and are hoping to make a weekly program at if staff and budget make it possible . Of these new locations , it is the only one without a local church to work through . The difference is readily visible , as there is constant quarreling between the parents of attending children over who has a sponsor in our sponsorship , who they think is getting special treatment , etc . and the children themselves reflect this as well . Cathy has recently been given additional helpers for this project , but it can be pretty tiring . Lets p02 . 18 . 2011 It 's Friday . I have usually been doing my updates weekly on Saturdays , but a schedule change is in order , as I really need Saturdays to prepare for Sunday School . I 'm now leading the teens Sunday School class at All Nations Christian Fellowship , our local church in Davao , and will be for the next couple months . Somewhat as a surprise to me , the day before my first class I found out the books available were too far below teen level and I would have to more or less make my own lessons . This challenge has been good to me , and I 'm thankful that the Lord has blessed me with very patient students , all Filipinos except for one Korean . In addition to Sunday School , I 'm leading a small group Bible Study and led devotion at HFTN on Wednesday , so all in all , my new year 's resolution of getting more involved in teaching the Bible is off to a decent start , and I 'm working with High School and College students as well , which is what I feel I should be doing . In the meantime , I 'm reformulating plans for other educational projects , and preparing for the Euroclass team . They don 't arrive until May , but of course the work of hosting a team starts long before they arrive . Another thing that has taken my attention away from these updates has been a medical situation in the family . I didn 't share the details publicly , but I know some of you have been praying , because in the end no hospital visit was needed , and even the doctor thinks it was due to the power of prayer . I have also decided to post these updates every two weeks , instead of weekly , and probably let myself write more in them . 01 . 29 . 2011 Well , it 's Saturday again , the day these updates seem to have settled on . This is also the day that Cathy handles the feeding program at Rosemary , which is a community not far from where Cathy 's family used to live . The average number of children fed each Saturday is usually around 80 , I think , but Cathy says this morning there was a turnout of over one hundred kids , some of which hadn 't been coming for a while until today . This01 . 22 . 2011 Another week of good meetings with people , and being the occasional computer hero when something isn 't working . It looks like I 'm set to be teaching Sunday school , leading an additional Bible study , and tutoring Tabitha kids in Science . At our Admin meeting yesterday it was reported that 4 more children have sponsors now in our sponsorship program , two of which are being sponsored locally . It 's nice that we can find sponsors both here and abroad , as it helps to break the mindset that is prevalent here that Filipinos must depend on people from places like America to fund ministry . God is bigger than our economic differences , and wants us to be in unity in ministry . Speaking of breaking down economic barriers , we have a new project that I 'm hoping will be successful - a fair trade initiative to employ some of the mothers of children in our programs in sewing items like nursing wraps and luggage tags which will be sold in America . The idea behind such fair trade projects is to cut out some of the middlemen , and enable these people to earn a wage that is closer to what the work deserves . Wages are amazingly low in the Philippines , like many other developing nations . I 've been told that the average wage is around $ 5 a day , even if you have a college degree . Making it possible for members of the community to earn something that can really help their families without needing more than part - time hours will really benefit them . As with most of our ministry efforts , it may look tiny compared with the colossal need , but God calls us to things He can accomplish through us . 01 . 15 . 2011 It 's been a nice start to a new year , balanced between ministry and family time . Cathy of course has picked right up where she left off with sponsorship reports and the feeding program . I 've been involved with some of that as well , but mainly I 'm trying to lay out plans for new projects . My main goal for this quarter was to get a study center running as sort of a library and computer lab , using a room at our base that has been mostly used for storage for a while . That particular room , however , has found a use as a friend of mine has helped to start a fair trade project which we hope will give members of the community paying work that will help them break the cycle of unemployment and idleness , and let them provide for their families which are often quite large . This is something we 've wanted to do for a while , so I think it 's best to find somewhere else to start the study center . In the meantime , though , there is another ministry in a different community within moderate walking distance that has an empty computer lab . This is Oasis , a ministry that shares many of our goals and vision . I taught HTML classes there before , but the aging computers that had been donated to them eventually reached their ' retirement age ' , and now there is just one . While I am not directly involved in this ministry , I want to raise awareness anyway , in the hopes that someone knows of some old computers that might be donated to them ( especially in Davao , as shipping can be difficult ) . They really make resources available to students , and I 'd love to restart the classes I used to teach there . I also must mention that Cathy has been needing a computer of her own for work , since she is also on staff now and handles a lot of documentation . We 've been looking at inexpensive netbooks like the Acer Aspire One , which is under $ 300 . I haven 't mentioned specific needs like this in a while as we were so concerned with just paying our rent , but I 'd appreciate prayer in helping find a solution for this small need . Like I said , we 've also fo01 . 08 . 2011 Happy New Year ! I know I 'm happy that 2011 has arrived , I can just tell it will be a good one . I think one of the biggest challenges we face right now is looking at a lot of open doors for new areas of ministry , and needing God 's guidance in how to manage our priorities so that we can be most effective . Considering how our situation seemed so discouraging a few months ago , I 'm actually glad that was the time that I wasn 't able to update my site - probably God 's way of keeping me from writing anything that would look silly now . Well , since I just uploaded a " year in review " newsletter , I 'll keep this short . I just want to thank all of you who are praying for us and supporting us . It 's both humbling and encouraging to be able to see how interconnected we all are in accomplishing God 's work throughout the world . God is good . 12 . 26 . 2010 Merry Christmas ! This December has of course been much more focused on ministry than shopping or even resting for us , but we 've been able to catch up a bit now . Our parties for the children in Tabitha and the sponsorship program ran pretty smoothly and we were able to give them a nice meal of spaghetti and fried chicken , apples ( as rare and valued for them as mangoes are for us ) , and new flip - flops to wear . The party itself was fun for them and each age group prepared a song and / or dance to present . Many of their parents also came , including those that otherwise don 't attend the church services , and heard of the love of Christ . The Malikongkong trip was even more exciting , at least for me , as it has been a couple of years since I had been up there and even longer for Cathy , as we couldn 't bring an infant on those trails . Roldan , however , took to mountain climbing this year like a pro and hardly needed to be carried , especially once one of our Matigsalug friends brought a horse for him to ride on . Roldan loved that , and wanted to ride on every horse he saw afterwards . He also got along really well with the other children of the village , and enjoyed chasing ducks and goats around too . Cathy and I , along with the rest of the team , spent the afternoon preparing the food , and I personally cubed several kilos of pork with a machete . At night we had our Christmas meal around a campfire with several hundred tribal people , and then I was asked to give a short message ( with no warning in advance so I could prepare ) . I simply spoke about what we can learn about God from the Christmas story , in the fact that he came into our world at a time when it not only wasn 't made ready for Him , but didn 't even recognize Him . He was born among farm animals in a dirty stable , and the first to hear about it were shepherds . While this meant that He would have no problem visiting a place like Malikongkong , the real message is that He is ready to come into our hearts , even if they are dirty and unprepared for Him . And for the nextOur support letter from earlier in the year can still be downloaded here , and we also have a color brochure here . Some of the info is outdated but they are still useful . 12 . 11 . 2010 This has been another week of mostly the sort of planning , purchasing , etc that precedes the second half of December where all the interesting stuff happens . That 's not to say there weren 't any highlights . I got to lead our staff devotion a couple of days ago , and while each of us usually takes a turn at least once a month , this time went well despite a lack of sleep and it was encouraging to have the Holy Spirit to turn to for strength - most noticeable when you run out of your own . I 've had good talks with other people in ministry that I don 't see often , as well as some former interns that managed to come back for a vacation ( although I have tried to trick them into getting back to work anyway ) and happened to both show up right before Christmas . One has taken the time to try to teach me a new kind of programming , which is great because I find myself encouraging younger programmers in Agdao fairly often and could stand a little more training myself , though actually applying it will have to wait until we get our Christmas break . Another highlight , earlier today , was stopping by the Tabitha program in Rosemary to help Cathy set up a sound system for their dance practice , and then afterward hearing that the moms helping out there were impressed at me speaking Bisaya with Cathy . That always makes me feel good . But you know life isn 't all highlights , and we 've had some stressful moments lately too - especially with ATMs and our debit card , which seem to have had every random problem possible . Probably the banking system is just straining under the load of all the holiday commerce going on . But the highlight here is knowing that we don 't depend on a system , but on a Father in Heaven that already knew what hiccups we might face and is fully able to supply all our needs . A few months ago I wouldn 't have thought that we would be so close to hitting our support goals by the end of the year . 12 . 04 . 2010 Well , December is here at last , and Christmas music and decorations are everywhere . I 've also seen my first carolers at the gate this year , some of which carried the traditional stringed instrument known as a kuglung , and played it far better than I can play mine . The local government has tried to reach out to the tribal people of the nearby mountains by giving them aid during Christmas for years . While they have nothing but good intentions , this has encouraged these indigenous people groups to enter the cities , and while doing so , accept the role of beggars in mainstream Filipino society , dependent on the people of the lowlands who can give them rice and other aid . This is a holdover from the mindset of the colonial period , and many here never stop to think about how disturbingly backwards it is - the tribes may not have SUVs or new cell phones or money in the bank , but they carry the rich cultural traditions of the Philippines that have become watered down , and sometimes abandoned , in the cities . They should be respected and valued , and if we are to help them , it 's better if we can go to them , rather than making them come to us . This , I am told , is the inspiration behind the Christmas party organized each year though Tribal Mission Foundation and Simbahang Kristianong Lumad . Cathy and I have been a part of this for several years , along with friends from our church , and have at times been able to contribute to the budget for food . This year , we are bringing clothes that have been donated , which will give our friends in Malikongkong 's SimKris church the unenviable task of distributing them in a non - chaotic way . We hope you will pray with us that this will be used by God to be a blessing , rather than sparking quarreling or envy . What we want most is to share with them the love of the Father that sent Jesus into our world to rescue us . That is what all the fuss over Christmas is about anyway . And this year will be interesting as we are bringing our son Roldan with us , too . If it goes well , we might be abOur support letter from earlier in the year can still be downloaded here , and we also have a color brochure here . Some of the info is outdated but they are still useful . 11 . 27 . 2010 Things are winding up for what is probably our busiest month of the year . Pasko ( Christmas ) is a huge deal in Filipino culture , and I 've written before about the unique way it is celebrated here . And as I have said , Filipinos excel at parties , and it 's something we can use to build relationships with the community and find opportunity to share the love of God with them . We also have a staff party , of course , and the party in Malikongkong , which I must admit is the one I am most excited for . We 've decided to bring Roldan with us this time , as he did well when we went hiking at park in the mountains recently , and perhaps we can start visiting the tribes regularly like we used to now that he is such an active toddler and isn 't sick nearly so often as he used to be . Cathy has been busy with our year - end reports to people sponsoring students , and several new students have sponsors . Our current sponsorship program is a new approach that grew out of a desire to respond to the needs we saw in the lives of older children in Tabitha : Food For Life , and a bit different from our aid to college students in the past . We have seen so many elementary students struggle to remain in school , or just give up , because although the public schools are free , they have many associated costs nonetheless . Families must be able to pay for the required school uniforms , transportation costs , meals , school supplies , and sometimes field trips - add to that many students paying for tutors in order to get help with subjects challenging to them , and occasionally teachers who will fine students a peso each time they are caught speaking their own language , usually Bisaya , rather than the national language which is Filipino , closely based on Tagalog . Students in our sponsorship program are ones we have found dedicated sponsors for , a process that involves case studies of their children and their families . The sponsorship covers all of these associated costs of schooling , and for our part we ( especially Cathy ) spend considerable time follow11 . 20 . 2010 Happy Thanksgiving ! We may not be eating turkey , but we do have a great deal to be thankful for . I was just thinking that as Believers , one of the best is knowing Who we are thankful to . This week has mostly consisted of making preparations for our Christmas programs , including the Christmas party for the families of children in the Tabitha : Food For Life program . A Filipino party always means good food , and we 'll also have games and such , but the party is also a way for us to reach out to the families and get to know them , and give glory to God . Many people and ministries do some sort of feeding project around the holidays in Davao , but Tabitha : Food For Life operates year - round , and has an entirely different strategy than most . Children become members of TFFL , after being screened and showing clear signs of malnutrition . There is a great need , because rather than children starving to death , what we encounter is lots of children whose families can only afford to eat small amounts of rice , and therefore are not getting the nutrients they need to grow . Each child in the program gets not only food , but also a growth chart showing their progress in reaching a healthy weight for their age , case studies of their family situation , regular house visits from our staff so we can follow up and reach out to their families , and events like the aforementioned Christmas party . During the week at our primary location at our missions base , the children have a daily program that includes preschool and Sunday school level educational activities , crafts , supervision during play , stories read to them from our small library , and other wholesome activities , mostly before meal time . When the food is ready to be served , they first wash their hands , as part of our focus on teaching hygiene ; they brush their teeth ( with toothbrushes given to them by us ) after they eat . At times , through our follow up we become aware of medical situations that we can help in some way with , and we do what we can to make sure they are given the ca11 . 13 . 2010 It 's good to be back . I 've switched web hosting providers , as the old one lost all my updates since June 16th , said they would get them back , and then left me waiting for over a month , unable to update my site . You 'll notice some minor changes , and there are probably things here and there I still need to fix , but the important thing is I can update this site again - although it doesn 't hurt that the new web host is half the price of the old one , either . Cathy and I have been just as busy as ever , as she is now a full - time member of HFTN Philippines herself , and is in charge of the student sponsorship program , as well as managing the feeding program at one of the new locations on Saturdays . I have been working on HFTN Philippines ' web site , HFTNPH . org , which you should check out . Other than that , I 've hardly had any computer work to do , which is good , because I 'm helping Cathy revise student sponsorship profiles for children we are seeking sponsors for , looking after our two interns , who have really been a blessing as they share our heart for children and have been very closely involved in our ministries , and Cathy and I are both leading small - group Bible studies now . If you read some of our previous updates before they were eaten by the old web server , you might wonder when I 'm planning to return to America and if I found a job yet . We 've been through some trying times financially , but came to a point where we decided to fight to stay here , because we both know we still have work we are called to do , and finances will have to just get out of our way . Right about that time , we found a new house to rent which is much cheaper , situated near a jeepney route , and in a much cooler area at the edge fo the city , so we don 't need to run our aircon as much ( I 'm writing now with only an electric fan on , and not dripping sweat on the keyboard ) . This has reduced our monthly expenditures by around $ 150 , which is a lot for us . At the same time , we 've received gifts from new sponsors which helped us get out of the red06 . 16 . 2010 We started this month by saying goodbye to the Euroclass team , and having a small birthday celebration for Roldan , on his actual birthday , although he had also had a party in America before we left . But Cathy and I had also had a plan for a while to give the children in the Tabitha : Food For Life program a party as well . We were able to make that happen on the 12th , after having some of our friends from Agdao come over and stay up late baking over 200 chocolate chip cookies with Cathy the night before . I 'm not entirely sure how many of the kids knew it was Roldan 's party , because they all got cookies and ice cream , and we were able to give out school supplies we had left over from a another project as well . Roldan , of course , was up on the stage dancing and trying to sing into a microphone . Just the kind of chaotic fun we usually expect during the feeding program . The past couple of days I 've also been able to help with coordinating with other ministries in expanding the feeding program to some new areas , try to get some of issues with our office network sorted out ( some of it was replaced while I was on furlough after power outages damaged some equipment ) , and prepare for the interns , who arrive early tomorrow morning . I guess we 're getting back up to speed on things . Our current Support letter can be downloaded here , and we also have a color brochure here . 06 . 05 . 2010 Hi from the Philippines ! We arrived May 14th , but we barely had time to get back to a normal sleeping pattern before the Euroclass team arrived , and then it seemed I was always falling asleep whenever a free moment found me . This year I had the benefit of previous experience , though , and I think everyone had a great time during their visit . I was especially blessed by how well these Danish teenagers were able to jump into our Tabitha : Food for Life program and build relationships with the kids . These children need that kind of mentoring and I wish they could have stayed longer , tired though I might be . Perhaps some of them will come back as interns , as I did - and then end up on staff as well : ) . Speaking of interns , we will have more than average later in the summer , starting with five arriving on the 17th . I 'm also excited to see our feeding program expanding again already to a few new locations in the coming months , possibly reaching out to some of the different people groups that have formed their own communities in this diverse city . Cathy and I also can be thankful that our support level is back up to something we can live on for the foreseeable future . A lot of people here I have talked to have been feeling , like us , that they don 't want to always have to be thinking about money , but rather focus on God 's work . I 've been seeing God make that possible and I 'm very thankful ! Our current Support letter can be downloaded here , and we also have a color brochure here . 05 . 11 . 2010 Hard to believe we have been in the ' States for almost 6 months . Roldan has grown a lot here and learned quite a few words . Tonight we will be flying out on our way to Manila , although we won 't get there until Thursday , and then we will fly to Davao on Friday . It 's a long journey , especially with a toddler on your lap , but we are excited to return to our home and ministry in the Philippines . It 's also a very expensive trip , and we are amazed at the outpouring of finances we have seen in the last couple of days that have made it possible . We also found better than average prices for the tickets - our tickets from here to New York City were only $ 41 . 40 for the three of us ! God let us get to the point where all we had was our trust in Him , and has now supplied all our immediate needs . The first month in Davao will probably be a little tight because of our travel expenses , but our monthly sponsorship is now significantly better than when we arrived in NY in December , and we will be able to get to work on a lot of projects that we have been wanting to start now . First order of business , of course , is the team of 18 young people from Denmark that will arrive on the 20th . I 'm sure we 'll have beaten jet lag by then , enjoyed some mangoes , and gotten ready to jump in ! Our current Support letter can be downloaded here , and we also have a color brochure here . 04 . 13 . 2010 We have been on furlough now for quite a while , and are planning our return to Davao . It has been nice to be encouraged and refreshed by our visits to different churches in the area , and reassuring to have some new supporters as well . While we do need to continue to work on having enough monthly support to sustain our work once we return , we also need to be thinking about plane tickets to get there . Prices are better right now than they were on the way over , but they will get more expensive the closer we get to our target departure date of May 7th . We 've been traveling quite a bit lately , in particular with our long road trip to San Antonio to visit my grandparents . Grandma is in the hospital and it was really important to me to be there and to finally introduce them to Cathy and Roldan . It has been impressed on me lately that , as important as one 's call to ministry is , it doesn 't supersede our call to our families . Cathy and I have known for a while that eventually we 'd have to take some years off and work on her citizenship so that , in the event things don 't go as planned , it wouldn 't separate us . We 've been praying about it and feel that we should aim to do that in two years after we 've wrapped up this current phase of ministry . I 'm very confident we would return to missions work in the Philippines after that , but as for how soon , we don 't know yet . I would be building a career in IT at that time so that as a family we would have a solid foundation . While that new adventure is becoming visible on the horizon , it doesn 't change our immediate plans ; in fact , it gives us more motivation and focus . Our current Support letter can be downloaded here , and we also have a color brochure here . 03 . 15 . 2010 As we continue to do our fundraising so we can return to our ministry in Davao , we have visited a bunch of churches in the area and reconnected with people I haven 't seen in years . I will be speaking in two of them within the next month , which is something that goes with the territory as a missionary but still makes me nervous sometimes . Nevertheless , I do look forward to the opportunity to share what God has been doing through our ministry and about our heart for Filipino youth and their families . I 've also been finding odd jobs here and there , mostly fixing computers for friends . I 'd really like to find some more formal work as well so we will be set when it comes time to buy our plane tickets . Our trip to New York City went well , even with the slippery winter roads , and we can be assured that Roldan will have his passport when we are ready to leave . When exactly that is has yet to be determined , but within the next couple of months we will either succeed or fail to raise our goal amount , and either way Cathy cannot stay in America later than the end of May because of her visa . This means I could potentially be left behind to continue the campaign , which is an unpleasant thought . As always we greatly appreciate your prayers as we seek God 's will and try to discern the plan He has for us . Our current Support letter can be downloaded here , and we also have a color brochure here .
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Today I was fairly busy as I was cleaning the apartment , running errands and getting ready for a dinner party at my place in the evening . In the midst of all of that I relaxed and did nothing really but chill on the computer . I made lasagna for dinner and it was delicious as ever , and we had brownies and cheesecake for dessert . It went really , really well and I had a great time with my friends . I didn 't get any writing done today , but I really wasn 't surprised as I knew from my work weekend and what was going to happen today . I woke up with a great deal of pain in my legs , which was from suddenly sprinting after that one SED at work the other day and running after him for a while . Goodness me I really need to exercise more , I am in such pathetic shape . Finding the time though as a busy writer , and my preferred leisure activities don 't really run that direction , is highly difficult . I like hiking and outdoor stuff , but I like doing it with few if any people around , and I like it to be near where I live without going through a lot of crazy traffic to get there . Living in San Diego doesn 't make that easy . I know , I am very picky ; it 's that eccentric creative side of me . I really am hoping this week to finish going over a lot of the edits for book 2 , finishing the audio drama , and completing the short story Surviving My Life . But we 'll see how life gets in the way . Well even though I got a huge clod of mud thrown at me ( landed squarely on my chest ) my writing group party was very successful . The SED 's loved all of the food that I made , as did the staff that partook of it , and overall the party went very well . Albeit things didn 't necessarily go as I had planned , but in this field things rarely ever do , and can 't ever really expect them to either . It was a very , very busy and rushed day . I was at work nigh the entire day , and most of it revolved around getting ready for my party , but also dealing with this one SED ( the kid who threw the clump of mud at me ) who decided to act a fool over taking a shower . I swear this child is the dumbest , yet most intelligent kid I have met in a while . A pity he won 't use his brains for anything really positive , although it doesn 't really help when his mother hasn 't a clue how to be a good mother . The cold is still lingering , but much better . Hopefully by the time my days off are over I will be completely better . Thank you to all of the armed forces that keep world a safer and better place , to all of the fallen soldiers who sacrificed their lives for something greater then their own personal gain , and to all of the veterans that remind us that freedom , liberty , and change cost something far precious than piddly wants and desires . God bless you all . I 'm not quite certain why children tantrum when they know it won 't get them anything . I don 't know how many of the SED 's had tantrums , but it was the most ridiculous thing in the world . Fortunately most of them weren 't violent , but there was this one SED and he was off the chain all day . He went after a couple of SED girls and exchanged loud and foul words with other staff members on multiple occasions . He really is one child that I 'm quite uncertain what to do with , but fortunately he does listen to me even when he doesn 't want to or likes what I 'm asking him to do . I definitely earned my pay today , and although it wasn 't stressful it was just tiring because it was one behavior after the other almost all night . Even when one SED was acting all crazy I was the bud of calm and did so well being understanding and speaking softly yet firmly . I was impressed that I didn 't bite the SED 's head off . It all ended well and me along with several other SED 's are looking forward to the writing group party tomorrow . Lot 's of good food and dessert . What could go wrong ? And no it wasn 't that kind of a bite . Well . . . . this is rather odd short story . So this one SED who I call " the bottomless pit " because he eats a ton of food , was really hungry tonight and wanted his pizza like yesterday . I of course told him to be patient and wait , and he said he was so hungry he could eat my arm . I sarcastically held my arm out and said go right ahead . Unfortunately he took me completely literally and clamped down on the back of my hand leaving a nice sized welt and teeth marks . I of course exclaimed in pain and asked him what the heck he was doing , and he said that I had offered . To say the least , the kid apparently hadn 't a clue that I was speaking figuratively and actually joking ; I never thought that he 'd actually do it . So I learned my lesson . There is still some pain , but the teeth marks have gone away replaced by a kind of bruise . I am just very thankful the SOB didn 't break skin . Other than that it was a fairly painless day ; my three most difficult clients were gone all day long , so that was a blessed relief . There was one touching moment , this one SED told me he had a headache , so while my co - worker was getting him something for it he was telling me how much he missed his family . I told him that sucked and that I wished there was something that I could do to help , and he asked if I could adopt him . When those moments happen , that 's what makes this job worthwhile . This kid has a particular difficulty disclosing his emotions and what not , so when it happens that means as a staff I am making headway . Tomorrow should be good and hopefully not like last Sunday ; that was so blah . " Peace is a lie , there is only Passion . Through Passion , I gain Strength . Through Strength , I gain Power . Through Power , I gain Victory . Through Victory , my chains are broken . The Force shall free me . " - Darth Bane I really like baking and I really like Star Wars , so when I am able to do both of them at the same time then it 's a very good day . As I mentioned on the previous day , it was going to be a busy day for me today . After I got my morning under way I had to go grocery shopping for my writing group for work . We are celebrating me running the writing group for a year now . I cannot believe that much time has passed . I am making tacos , but the real stuff to die for will be the desserts that I made today . Chocolaty Brownies ( completely from scratch ) , and no mixes , pre - made stuff or canned fillings were used for anything I made . A luscious apple pie , and strawberry cheesecake . I think all of the SED 's will have a good time and hopefully there will be no problems . It took me essentially all day ( with some gaps ) to make all three of those things , but each of them came out fantastically and I 'm hoping they each taste that way as well . While I was in the middle of making the brownies and the pie , I watched Star Wars Episode III : Revenge of the Sith hence the quote from the Infamous Dark Lord of the Sith above ( I know far too much about Star Wars don 't remind me ) . It was also the first time I had seen it on a blu - ray player on a high - def television with all of the specs to enhance it as well ( cables and what not ) . There was a huge difference between seeing it that way and the way I was use to . More of the effects were brought to the forefront and the sound also was better ; the film overall had much more depth and vividness to it . Definitely the way to watch Star Wars . Now I might have noticed all of those things because I have seen the movies probably at least three times or so each year since they were released , and the older ones I 've lost count . What got me interested to see that particular Episode was Jimmy Smits . He plays Galactic Senator Bail Organa ( Princess Leia 's father ) but I have been watching him in Dexter as of late , and it 's fascinating to see the remarkable differences between the two characters . I won 't spoil anyPosted by Yes I have a confession to make . . . . I played far too much Medieval Total War today . But the good news is that I was able to do fair bit of writing , and I did read more of my Attila the Hun book , so it 's not like I wasted an entire day in front of the computer , merely just a good portion of it . Not quite certain if that is any kind of consolation prize , but there ya have it . Today I remain sick , but my nose is merely stuffed up ; I was hacking a little , but took something to break down the mucus and then I was doing much better . It sucks so much being sick . I have been sick four days and counting , and although I believe I am getting better it is simply taking far too long . Someone needs to figure out how to beat the evolving cold virus , and make certain that it is inexpensive and practical . Probably will never happen , but it would be nice . I am now at the climax for my audio story ! Which means I am getting closer to being finished . I think the story outline is at 33 pages or so as of right now . If that doesn 't seem like a lot , I took a 35 page story outline and wrote a 542 page book . So looks can really be deceiving . . . wait a minute ! Strike that , reverse that . I actually just finished writing more of Surviving My Life , which I wrote a final outline of it today . I have one really difficult part left to write , and then the remaining parts will be much easier for me . I might actually have some difficulty wrapping all of this up quickly to where it flows and makes sense . All in all , it is turning out to be a much longer short story then I had anticipated , which is good in the long run except for the part where it takes me a long time to get it completed and posted . Soon though I will be finished with that and my audio drama and able to move onto other projects . I 've had it in my mind to write another modern war story and then return to the immortals as well since I liked what I was coming up with those two genres . Well tomorrow should be a rather busy day since I always leave everything to the last day before work for soPosted by Despite being able to breathe through my nose as I slept thanks to the nose spray " Afrin " I woke up around 5am with both of my ears completely . . . well you know that feeling when you need to pop your ears because of the pressure , well that is what it felt like accept they wouldn 't really pop . I went back to sleep , although I think it was less sound . After I got up and sat my head upright then it got much better , and even more so when I finally blew my nose . Apparently being sick is going to affect me for the remainder of the week unfortunately . Today however I felt much better , so at least that much is improving despite my ear popping and nose blowing . After my morning routine I came across something on YouTube that I have been meaning to look up for quite some time . When I was very , very young instead of the Disney Animated classic of Snow White we had on VHS what was called Snow White Live which was a stage production of the story put on by Disney I believe . It 's really , really cool and seeing certain parts of it again brought back a lot of fuzzy childhood memories . . . and I mean that in the positive sense . The clip I chose was when the wicked queen turns into the old hag , which I always loved when I was young ; even then I was cheering for the villains . There are also other clips on YouTube if you 're interested in more of the show . Perhaps one day someone will upload the whole thing , but probably not ; it 's old and I suppose they would put another production together versus putting the old one up . I was able to go over a good portion of the edits for my second book which was awesome and I 'm hoping to them done by tomorrow ( depending on what I have on my schedule ) . Pardon me while I blow my nose . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Oh that 's better . Umm . . . . . oh yeah that 's where I was going . I wrote some more of my audio drama and am getting really close to the climax . It 's actually going to be very complicated to write , what with all of the abstract action going on since it 's purely audio . Ultimately for today IPosted by All day long I 've felt like an elephant with a trunk full of water . Being sick not only saps me of my energy but also my creative energy . I did get some writing in of my short story Surviving My Life but that was it . I spent the rest of the day sitting around doing nothing and watching re - runs of Law and Order : Criminal Intent . I have no idea why my nose has to be all stuffed up because I 'm sick , but it 's a bloody pain in the neck especially with no matter how many times I blow it , it remains completely stuffed up . I really hope after tomorrow things begin to feel better because I am wasting so much time waiting for this cold to go away ; fortunately because of my job situation this is happening on my days off . Well here 's to good health and a prayer that I sleep really well tonight and am able to breathe through my nose . . . . Empires have fallen at the sight of this pox ! " That was a great line from the old Fox Kids show " The Tick " when our superhero had an " uncommon " cold . What a great show . Unfortunately though I had something akin to that when I woke up at 2 : 30am with a sore throat and then periodically throughout the rest of the morning . Around 8am or so I called work and told them I was sick and wouldn 't make it , which I didn 't really want to do , but I felt like crap and would be useless to anyone . I slept until 12 : 30pm and would have slept longer but I got a phone call waking me up and after which I started my day . Let me just say this one thing ; I HATE BEING SICK ! The worst part is trying to sleep when your nose is so congested that you can 't breathe through it , which keeps you from sleeping which in the long run keeps you from getting better . The day was blah . Besides doing laundry and watching Pirates of the Caribbean : At World 's End and some television shows my day was just surviving . I made a trip to Target to get something more for my congestion and I wanted a drug that had pseudo - ephedrine in it , but since I believe it is an ingredient for some illegal drug you have to get it from the pharmacy which was closed by the time I had gotten there . I was sorely vexed because phenlphrene or whatever the heck it 's called doesn 't work for me and that is all they had . Instead I got this mist stuff that I put in my nose , and it took the congestion away fairly quickly . Now I just have the sore throat and other lovely symptoms . Work would have been so much easier to deal with ( and cheaper ) than a cold . Well I hope and pray that it get 's out of my system quickly ; I really don 't want to make the time to deal with an irritant such as this . There is nothing worse than a crisis that then turns into three crises that are happening simultaneously . I thought I was going to flip my lid . This one SED was what we call out of programming / area for about 2 hours simply because he didn 't want to go to bed when he was supposed to . Two other SED 's felt the same way about going inside when it was time to do so , and so they went running about the facility throwing dirt clods and shouting all manner of ridiculous things . Eventually all three of them were able to calm down , but let me tell you ; it was very stressful for me , especially when I wasn 't getting any help , and had very little control of the situation . It was just a very long day at work , and I had to dodge this one kid 's shoes and other stuff he was hurling at me . He was angry at his mother and was taking it out on me ; I essentially became mom for all intents and purposes and he was targeting me . Such a lovely boy . Well after all of the paperwork I kept finding one more thing that I had to do ( hence the title ) until I was rechecking stuff I had already done ; I must have looked so ragged and dreadful . I hope a lot of sleep gets rid of all of that weariness , because tomorrow is thankfully my last day before my days off ! I don 't know how all of this " Judgment Day " stuff reverberated throughout the world , but here in the grand old U . S . A people were flocking around the notion that the end of the world was going to happen marked by some sort of cataclysmic earthquake . Yeah whatever , everyone is still here , including the individuals who thought that they 'd get swept up into Heaven or whatever . You know , back in the Old Testament of the Bible the Hebrews would stone a prophet if the prophesy he or she proclaimed was incorrect . It was only if it was correct that they knew the prophet was sent from Yahweh ( God ) . A pity some things go out of vogue ; perhaps a lot less people would be led astray by self absorbed imbeciles . Work went well , although one of the SED 's flashed me his . . . well . . . you get the picture , and he did it twice . The mere reflection of the memory makes me want to vomit . Other than all of that the day was routine , but many of the SED 's were out of sorts which was kind of frustrating . We watched the Walt Disney classic Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and the kids actually liked it , despite one of them calling it too old to watch , but he soon got into it . Walt certainly had a talent for making excellent films and crafting good stories ; a pity that Walt Disney Studios hasn 't retained the caliber . Today was boorishly uneventful . Upon finishing my morning ablutions I went and saw Pirates of the Caribbean : On Stranger Tides in 3 - D . Well . . . it was good . I 'm going to give it a Moderate on " Watch - ability ; " it was good but there were times when it was like , come on seriously . A High on " Escape - ability ; " the world was totally immersible , and I was hardly bored . I 'll give it a Moderate for " Enjoy - ability ; " despite liking the film and having a good time , it wasn 't sensational . It receives a Moderate for " Artistic - ability ; " a lot of the style was drawn from the previous films and already existing material . Definitely a High for " Technical - ability ; " special effects , cinematography , music , and lighting were excellent amongst many other things . It was also the best film I 've seen in 3 - D aside from Avatar and Alice in Wonderland . Things really jumped out at you like I believe they 're supposed to in this format . Based on all of that , the film receives a Strong Ability from me . It 's good and relatively enjoyable ; Johnny Depp as always makes the film . I attempted to write some more of Surviving My Life , but aside from the film review my laziness won out . It 's really annoying ; when I want to write my artistic juices aren 't flowing , and when I 'm busy doing something else , or want to do something else they 're on fire . I need a brain . . . creative indicator measurer thing . Well , work starts up again tomorrow . My goodness , it 's hard to believe that there is essentially only one more full week of May before June . I better get working on all of those writing projects that I have to finish . Honestly I don 't really remember where the time today went . I vaguely remember relaxing for a long , long time , and then I went to work for a little while to spend some time with an SED ( I 'm what 's called his primary counselor , and we spend one on one time with the kid each week ) . I spoke to me mum afterwards , watched Dead Man 's Chest and then set to work on getting a preview for my rabbit hole story on my website . I was hoping to have the story completed this week , but a preview is what ya 'll are going to have to settle for . The title I chose for the story is Surviving My Life . It was actually very difficult to come up with a title , and for now I settled with that one . It 's always very difficult for me to create a title and tends to be the last thing that I do . However , time isn 't my ally like it use to be , and I have to be flexible with my creative . . . process . I really feel that by the time that I am finished this will be the finest short story that I have ever written and published on my website . I feel it shows not only a lot of growth in my skill as a writer , but also my maturity as an individual who is slowly experiencing all kinds of things in the world that shouldn 't be , and hearing stories that are beyond horrifying . This story that I am writing is very , very dark and disturbing so don 't be expected to laugh and find merriment . I purposely wrote it to be disturbing and ghastly , because most individuals who 've experienced the kind of abuse that I am portraying tend to be that way in some form or another that I 've come across so far in life . As always the purpose of the story is to get people to think , and hopefully think of something else besides themselves . The world is very unpleasant , and we the people who live in the United States of America whether rich or poor , young and old live in the sweet spot and therefore often forget that . I really hope that I don 't experience the true horrors of life in the remaining time that I have left on earth , but if I do , then I hope I have the courage and determination Posted by It 's great to be watching Dexter again after so long thank goodness . I thought that I 'd never get that DVD from the Netflix queue . I 'm hoping that the 3rd season was as good as the 2nd season . I posted a video that features some of the music from the series ; it is often featured at the end of each episode , but sometimes it also weaves its way into various episodes . The music possesses a certain quality that thrills me but also creeps me out as well ; I guess that 's what makes the television show thrive amongst fans . That is essentially Dexter Morgan ; very thrilling but again very creepy since he has that anti - social personality disorder stuff going on . Anyways , I thought that it was cool . On a lighter note , I watched Pirates of the Caribbean : Curse of the Black Pearl in anticipation of the fourth film coming out this Friday . Now I am going to debut my new website film review system with the first Pirates film . Out of the 5 Abilities I will give it a HIGH on " Watch - ability . " A HIGH on " Escape - ability . " A MODERATE on " Enjoy - ability " ( Orlando Bloom annoyed me so much , and is the reason I don 't watch it as often as I otherwise would ) . A MODERATE on " Artistic - ability " ( much of everything was based on pre - existing material ) . And lastly , a HIGH for " Technical - ability . " Given those rankings of the 5 Abilities , the film in general has a Strong Ability , which for my rating system means essentially a Medium - High rating , which is good . Most of the films I end up watching will mostly fall into that category . A film has to be nigh perfect ( once more using my own personal criteria ) to earn a Super Ability , but it can happen . Aside from relaxing and writing the audio drama , and a little after dinner reading on Attila the Hun , my day was uneventful . I was hankering for something sweet , so I made myself some lemon cupcakes and made a creamy and luscious lemon glaze to put over them . It was quite . . . umm . . . . scrumptious . Posted by For the most part , on Tuesdays I don 't get much done because of cleaning and I 'm doing something in the form of relaxing or taking a load off . Today was much different though , I did all of those things , but I worked on my website a lot . I was finally able to finish up my list of composers with Atli Orvarsson , Tim Wynn , and Trevor Rabin . Now I will begin featuring a composer once every two weeks or so on the website , at least that is my goal , or I might shoot for once a month ; with my schedule I don 't know how consistent I 'll be able to make it . That 's the unfortunate thing about working full time and writing as well as managing an entire website that you try to keep updated weekly . I was also able to put together my rating system on my website , and I think it looks pretty good so far - Film Review System . The point of me creating this system was so I could rate a film that I didn 't necessary want to write a review on . Also it would give readers a quick indicator of whether or not they would want to try watching or not watch the film at all without reading the entire review . In theory it sounds great , but I guess I 'll find out when I put it to practice . I began reading this book I got from the library on Attila the Hun , and it is quite fascinating so far . From what I 've read and understood historians are uncertain where the Huns really came from , other than the large geographical area of Asia , and that they came across the Danube River . I won 't bore all of you with the theories though , but it is a very fascinating read so far . A little tid bit of wisdom for people out there just starting out on their own that was never told to me ; never room with someone or go in on a joint venture or intertwine yourself to anyone financially without first seeing all of their bank records . I am learning this the hard way with my roommate . The whole situation sucks for both of us , yet we 're both kind of trapped for the time being ; life really sucks , and anyone who thinks contrary is really fortunate and or lucky . It was another successful day at work . My writing group went well today and the chocolate cupcakes turned out very well . The one SED who is usually a gigantic terror , has been really good lately . He actually told me the other day that he needed to get his glasses so he could look more like me , and then he sat right next to me the same way that I was sitting . This comes from the kid mind you that has bit , punched , spit , and kicked me amongst other things . I think there 's a good novel in there somewhere . I thought his imitation of me was very cool , and right now I 'm telling him a bedtime story of a lightning rod wielder ( I make it up as we go along and he loves it ; always tries to get me to remain longer ) . It 's amazing the change I 've seen in him , once I broke through the barriers . Well my four days off begin once more , and I am going to put my best foot forward about getting everything done that I keep talking about getting done . Perhaps I 'll actually get it all done . Well . . . work wasn 't strenuous , but the presence of one in particular female client was almost more than I could manage without blowing up . This SED girl is so . . . so . . . viciously wretched and rude that she needs to be horse whipped and spanked a lot . She is about eight years old but has the mindset of a snotty thirteen year old spoiled brat , but a million times worse . It took so much patience to ignore this SED and let what she did go , and even still I must admit that I really don 't care for her . Aside from that large blip , it was a rather fine day ; although this one kid blew up and climbed a fence remarkably quickly and then also got down relatively quickly as well . You would think that I would get use to his shouting and screaming , but still I find it difficult to maintain a calm composure . All in all it was a good work day , although long ; my co - worker Karen W . was amazing and was able to get a lot of cleaning in which made the cottage so much more orderly looking and clean . One more day of work and then more rest , and hopefully this time I won 't have any roommate related stress . You know that when you 're playing tag with a bunch of small children jumping around ( trying to at least ) like Spider - Man trying to catch everyone and then twist your foot / ankle . . . well you either need to call it a day for running all crazy like that or you need to exercise more ; I certainly agree that I need to do the latter . Fortunately my foot is feeling immensely better , but for a while it was in a lot of pain , and when I got injured only the girls cared about it as the boys went back to playing without a word to me . I found that very interesting . Well I would say that the day went very well . Didn 't have any major incidents , although this one kid about blew up over not being able to go hunt nature creatures and walk around outside ( he has difficulty letting things go , and he has one violently , nasty temper ) . Away from all of that though , I 'm going to get on my soapbox for a few seconds here and say to all of you parents and people who want to have children , to never make your kids feel guilty unless it is absolutely necessary once in a blue moon . There was this one girl that I work with , and she was speaking with her mother who was just ripping her apart about something ; it was rather unpleasant , and in the end she even made a subtle , veiled threat to the girl . Very tragic , and the girl is actually very sweet and delightful ; some individuals just let their own bitterness and anger poison other people instead of resolving it . . . . And it 's filled with people who are filled with sh * * . . . " Ah yes , those few opening lines to Sweeney Todd . If I may say it , yesterday was hell . Apparently Blogger was down which was why I couldn 't post anything yesterday night when I was trying to , that was very frustrating , and my roommate issues were at their . . . highest peak that they have ever been at . The near debacle though was resolved today late afternoon and hopefully now a bright new future awaits us both . At least that is what I am hoping , or something along or close to those lines . Yesterday was mildly productive , although I can 't really remember what I did or didn 't do . I 'd like to think that I was able to get some things accomplished , but I don 't even know what those might have been since it was so full of stress . Today however was little stressful but I was too busy to really pay attention . I had training at work in the morning and then I ran quite a few errands which included a lovely trip to the library that I wish was larger . There was this library in Wisconsin that I use to go to all of the time and it was the perfect size ; since then I have been unable to find a library to compare it to . I got a book on Attila the Hun and it looks like it is going to be pretty good from what I 've read so far . I was feeling in the baking mood so I made some delicious pumpkin bread , which I will enjoy tomorrow , and I also watched Sweeney Todd ; it always seems to brighten up my mood and creatively inspire me . I would have posted more on my website , but this wasn 't the most . . . artistically inspiring week . I 'm going to hopefully shoot for next week to finally complete my rabbit hole story , but things never seem to consistently go according to my plan . Today in many ways was much better than yesterday . Despite some drama and stress still remaining I was able to more adequately control it and move on with the day , which turned out to be quite productive . I don 't think I 've had this kind of productive day in weeks . I was able to not only have some fun but write some of my friend 's audio drama , create pages for the film composers Michael Giacchino and Nicholas Hooper , come up with a new rating system for reviewing films , I wrote a good portion of my rabbit hole story , and I also reviewed some of the edits that my first editor made to book 2 . Now that is a frelling mouthful , a person whose watched far too much Farscape would say . Honestly I haven 't a single clue how today was so unusually productive , and if I did then I would make certain the same formula was followed each day that I wrote and went about my business . It was actually profoundly difficult doing Nicholas Hooper 's page as the man had no decent photo on the web that I could locate , but coming up with the new review rating system was actually easier than I had anticipated . I 'll debut it on the blog soon . I tried to be simplistic , new , and interesting while conveying all of the pertinent information that would or would not indicate whether or not a film was good or bad . Hopefully everyone likes it ; I think it 's pretty awesome . I 'm getting closer to the climax of the audio drama and getting close to the climax of the rabbit hole story as well ; I actually just finished writing a very heart wrenching scene . I might actually post a sample on my website since it 's taking me so long to finish writing it ; then all of you can see the craziness that I 've been up to for so long . Well I don 't know if tomorrow will be as productive , but if not then I think I did fairly well enough today to cover for it all . Goodnight and good luck . Posted by One would like to think that your first day off wouldn 't be filled with a very stressful event that wasn 't related to eustress ( positive stress ) , yet receiving a call from the leasing office from my apartment complex letting me know that one of the checks for rent bounced just set the tone for a very unproductive day . I was able to get a lot of cleaning done , but that doesn 't really take any brain / thinking power though , and when I tried to write I just couldn 't rouse the creative juices inside of me that much . Stress that is out of my control tends to inhibit me creatively . I was able to write a little bit of the audio drama and I think I 've reached the halfway point on that , but the more difficult part is coming up . One of my editors also finished editing book 2 so I 'm going to be busy looking over that , and I am also going to be working on a project involving book 1 . The days ahead are going to be filled with a lot of stress , so what happened today with my roommate 's inept acumen skills just is something I don 't need to deal with . It 's so vexing , but one must go on otherwise you 'll find yourself trapped hating the world and everyone who appears to make everything go wrong . Bitterness is a very hollow way to survive this planet . Lately I 've been watching Law & Order : Criminal Intent as I was getting a little tired of SVU , but I am getting tired of the good guys always winning ; that 's what made me stop watching it years ago and then switching to SVU . It gives me something to watch and unwind though so I won 't complain . Oh and on top of all of the day 's early stress I watched a documentary in the series about the universe concerning apocalyptic scenarios that could happen to earth . So watch out for asteroids , explosive gamma rays , and you don 't want to be around earth in 50 billion years as the earth will either be a frozen rock or the entire universe will have collapsed . Now doesn 't that just make your day . Well after a weekend of work I am ready for some rest and relaxation . Today wasn 't too bad either . The one SED who usually tantrums and has a dreadful day did actually quite well , while his brothers did very poorly . One of the brothers threw a rock and hit one of my co - workers right smack in the eye and sent him to the emergency room because they thought he had severe eye damage . Fortunately though he seems alright for now . I 'm going to try and finish my rabbit hole story this week as it seems like it 'll be mostly routine , but one never knows what life is going to throw your direction . I 'm almost up to forty pages so this is a long short story ; I 'm going to have to find a way to quickly finish it without killing the narrative and plot . Hope all of you had a great weekend ; gird your loins for the week . To all of you mothers out there congratulations on having one of the toughest jobs on the planet : raising children . Despite not being married , having no children , or even in a serious romantic relationship I can certainly understand what they go through . At my job I in a sense raise children , and have been doing so for a few years now ; me and my co - workers get no attention from the outside world and therefore little recognition , but we deal with a lot of crap every day from homework , to cleaning , to laundry , to " kid drama , " to relationship / romantic drama . . . . The list goes ever on . Mothers get to deal with the same crap on a much more intimate and deeper level than the average western culture father , and for some odd reason their job seems to be getting more complicated lately because people believe that kids need everything . Moms therefore are the natural provider and mediator for all of this to happen . What I say about all of that is . . boo - hiss ! There should be an even amount of work that both parents provide and do , and kids don 't need everything ; one thing ( like an extra - curricular activity ) should be good enough , not five plus , and people , children really don 't need cell phones . . . heck I 'd go so far to say that teenagers don 't need cellphones . I didn 't get my first cellphone until I was a sophomore in college ( 2005 fall ) . So moms chill , and society needs to chill its expectations of mothers and raise expectations for fathers where nurturing children is concerned . Work was fine today , although an SED did threaten to stab me because I wouldn 't let him do something . It was an interesting moment when he came charging at me and then stopped before breaking down into tears about what he said . Well I hope all of you mothers had an excellent day . I love you mom ! Three years ago today ( actually it was May 6th I believe technically ) I graduated with my B . A . in psychology and I remember that day very well ; it was a lot of fun , although filled with tense nerves too . Today I returned to my alma mater , San Diego Christian College , to see the last of my friends from college graduate . It was nice to see old friends again and chat with some former professors of mine . It was a fantastic way to begin the day . . . . and then I went to work , but honestly today was really , really good at work and there was nothing for me to really complain about . That was my day , and now as usual time for sleep . Well I hope all of you are ready for the 2011 blockbuster season to begin because it is . . . . . . . here at last ! THOR opened today , and of course I saw it and wrote a very lovely review of it . It is a good start for what looks to be a very promising season . I have a feeling that THOR will do nicely since Priest will be of little competition and Pirates of the Caribbean is still some ways off . Watching this film has encouraged me to return to reading Norse mythology , which I tried to read back in 2008 , but it was a little heavy at the time and my job at the time required me to be distracted by more superfluous fiction and forms of entertainment . I suggest that everyone should go see THOR , that is if you enjoy action films with a great story . Aside from that , the day was rather boring . I chatted for a bit on the telephone with me mum and wished her a happy mother 's day since I 'll be working all weekend . I also was busy assembling my new Blu - ray player which is very cool . I tried Harry Potter and Deathly Hallows Pt . 1 bonus features and it worked nicely ; I can 't wait to watch an actual film and see how much difference there is and isn 't . I 've been on a James Bond kick since a good majority of them are on Netflix instant play and tonight I watched The Spy Who Loved Me , and surprisingly it was one of the better ones , despite the cheesy lines and chauvinistic tendencies that the main character possesses . Work starts tomorrow , but since I won 't be working in the morning , it should be a rather simple day , at least I hope . Have a good weekend everyone , my work week yet again is just beginning . Well this morning I got up bright and early to go hiking . I thought it would be a delightful , scenic , and relaxing hike . It was far from any of that . While I had a . . . . good time , it was long , very hot outside , and the last part of the hike was oh so steep and I kept pushing myself and pushing myself until my legs felt like they couldn 't go any further . I almost vomited numerous times , and not only was I exhausted when I got back to my apartment but I was also sunburned on many parts of my body which proved discomforting throughout the day . To say the least , I was not capable of being productive after that . I felt like a big fat potato that someone had squeezed . I was able to write some more of the audio drama but that was unfortunately it . I had planned to write my rabbit hole story , but the hike kind of eliminated that option . Oh well , there is tomorrow and next week even though I was hoping to have it finished this week . That goes to show that not everything can happen according to plan . I watched another episode about our universe , from the History Channel , and it was about Mars . It was interesting to a point , but far less useful than learning about the sun and far more boring . In summary , Mars is really cold , has gigantic volcanoes , an environment of basically carbon dioxide , an average temperature of - 100 below zero Fahrenheit during the night , and they think that there is frozen water under the surface of the planet which they believe is the Rosetta stone in proving that there is or was life on Mars . Personally , I 'm glad I live on a planet with running water and green foliage . Tomorrow should be fun as THOR is being released in theaters . Good night everyone , and to those that celebrate it Happy Cinco de Mayo ! Note : Correction on the blog for Tuesday , I believe . The Star Wars saga will not be available on Blu - ray until September of this year . I 'm not quite sure why there was a bunch of hubub about it yesterday if they weren 't going to release it , but there you have it . Only . . . . a couple more months remaining . Happy International Star Wars Day to everyone ! I suppose for those of us who are enthusiastic fans it 's a little like Christmas . . . well I guess that is what it should be like . I 'm going to have to change it to being more like that in the future for me at least . I unfortunately worked today , so I was unable to " party " as a true Star Wars fan would have , but I did watch Attack of the Clones after I got back from work . It 's amazing how amazing it looks on a large , high definition , wide screen television set . The picture is so clear , so crisp and vivid . . . thinking of it makes me want to watch it again . And that was my day essentially summed up . I couldn 't rouse myself to write this morning before work , and it was unlikely to happen after work so I suppose it will have to wait for tomorrow and the days after . Just a little reminder for all of you children out there ; I hope that you are picking something amazing for your mother for this upcoming Sunday . I still haven 't thought of a great idea yet as my original idea kind of went out the door so I may have to settle for chocolates and flowers . How boring , but quite effective . May the Force be with you all . Well tomorrow is at least for me a kind of holiday / celebration / remembrance ; such is the life of a devoted Star Wars fan . It is also the day I believe that the Star Wars films will be released on Blu - ray ; that should be interesting to see . Today was fairly busy . After doing my usual morning routine , I cleaned the apartment up a little and then went grocery shopping which was fun minus the irritating people that don 't know proper cart etiquette . You 'd think that if you were trying to get through an aisle and someone was blocking it that they 'd move ; nope , apparently I 'm suppose to go all the way around the other aisle . After taking over some more of the world as the Moors in Medieval Total War II , I relaxed . When I realized it was another hour or so before I should be making dinner , I wrote some more of the audio drama after which I made myself some super delicious tacos . The seasoning recipe is a family secret and boy does it make good meat ! I didn 't watch a film but rather an episode of Law and Order : Criminal Intent . In anticipation of tomorrow , I wrote a Star Wars : Attack of the Clones Film Review and a Star Wars : Attack of the Clones Score Review . This turns out to be a good thing since I 'm picking up a shift at work tomorrow because I 'm going to a college graduation this Saturday morning . That was my writing for tonight ; we 'll see if I can convince myself to do writing tomorrow instead of playing around on the computer before work . Oh I would also like to send out my congratulations to some very dear friends of mine , Joshua and Emily as they had their first child born to them this past Sunday . So far , baby James is a very healthy young baby boy and doing well , as is the mother . I wish all three of them the best . Thank goodness my days off have arrived ! I have had my fill of kids screaming at me , shouting obscenities , and flashing me . The mind can only take so much of that before snapping . I will get my opportunity to sleep more , of which I have been sleeping most excellently as of late , relax , and do some writing . There is so much that I should be doing in the area of writing , but what can I say after three consecutive days where I essentially do nothing but work with SED children and then get some days off . I think I am beginning to accept the fact that as long as I have a full time job , then any amount of writing that I get done ( since I also blog and manage a website ) will be satisfactory . That said , I am going to go through the mail , watch something , and then sleep for hopefully a long time . Note : Correction on my Friday blog . Prince William 's wife is not the Princess of Wales , but rather the Duchess of Cambridge . I think the latter sounds cooler . Well happy May 1st everyone , and it seems according to the news that this May was a very eventful day . For me though it was simply tiring . At work the big wigs decided to put on this family get together day with the SED 's , their families , and other people involved with making their life more . . . . . . . pleasant and bearable . You 'd think that this overall would be a good thing , but it really wasn 't . All day so many of the SED 's were crying , tantruming , getting angry , and just so ridiculously emotional . In the end I and several other staff found ourselves putting out little fires here and there ( metaphorically speaking of course ) and it was exhausting . This one SED busted up his solid wood door a little , another SED got naked and danced in front of a window while playing with his penis , and so many cried , whined , and instigated each other . Yep , this is what I deal with at work all of the time . So I 'm really tired and sleepy and so very thankful that tomorrow marks the last day I work before I get my days off . As the world continues to change , I hope all of us continue to remain safe and free . You can find " The Curse of a Warrior " and " Dishonor 's Scourge " available at Amazon . com and Barnes & Noble as well . You should also be able to ask any bookstore to order it for you provided you have the title , and / or ISBN number . Enjoy ! As a writer I find it difficult to always find time to write since I have a job where I work 40 hours plus a week . This blog is a journal of my creative exploits , and how my life affects my writing . This in turn will be a journey to discover whether or not I can master my life so that I can pursue the imaginative dreams which are only a few key strokes away . Feel free to support this author by clicking on any of the ads that you come across on my blog and my website www . escapistnow . com
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Today I was fairly busy as I was cleaning the apartment , running errands and getting ready for a dinner party at my place in the evening . In the midst of all of that I relaxed and did nothing really but chill on the computer . I made lasagna for dinner and it was delicious as ever , and we had brownies and cheesecake for dessert . It went really , really well and I had a great time with my friends . I didn 't get any writing done today , but I really wasn 't surprised as I knew from my work weekend and what was going to happen today . I woke up with a great deal of pain in my legs , which was from suddenly sprinting after that one SED at work the other day and running after him for a while . Goodness me I really need to exercise more , I am in such pathetic shape . Finding the time though as a busy writer , and my preferred leisure activities don 't really run that direction , is highly difficult . I like hiking and outdoor stuff , but I like doing it with few if any people around , and I like it to be near where I live without going through a lot of crazy traffic to get there . Living in San Diego doesn 't make that easy . I know , I am very picky ; it 's that eccentric creative side of me . I really am hoping this week to finish going over a lot of the edits for book 2 , finishing the audio drama , and completing the short story Surviving My Life . But we 'll see how life gets in the way . Well even though I got a huge clod of mud thrown at me ( landed squarely on my chest ) my writing group party was very successful . The SED 's loved all of the food that I made , as did the staff that partook of it , and overall the party went very well . Albeit things didn 't necessarily go as I had planned , but in this field things rarely ever do , and can 't ever really expect them to either . It was a very , very busy and rushed day . I was at work nigh the entire day , and most of it revolved around getting ready for my party , but also dealing with this one SED ( the kid who threw the clump of mud at me ) who decided to act a fool over taking a shower . I swear this child is the dumbest , yet most intelligent kid I have met in a while . A pity he won 't use his brains for anything really positive , although it doesn 't really help when his mother hasn 't a clue how to be a good mother . The cold is still lingering , but much better . Hopefully by the time my days off are over I will be completely better . Thank you to all of the armed forces that keep world a safer and better place , to all of the fallen soldiers who sacrificed their lives for something greater then their own personal gain , and to all of the veterans that remind us that freedom , liberty , and change cost something far precious than piddly wants and desires . God bless you all . I 'm not quite certain why children tantrum when they know it won 't get them anything . I don 't know how many of the SED 's had tantrums , but it was the most ridiculous thing in the world . Fortunately most of them weren 't violent , but there was this one SED and he was off the chain all day . He went after a couple of SED girls and exchanged loud and foul words with other staff members on multiple occasions . He really is one child that I 'm quite uncertain what to do with , but fortunately he does listen to me even when he doesn 't want to or likes what I 'm asking him to do . I definitely earned my pay today , and although it wasn 't stressful it was just tiring because it was one behavior after the other almost all night . Even when one SED was acting all crazy I was the bud of calm and did so well being understanding and speaking softly yet firmly . I was impressed that I didn 't bite the SED 's head off . It all ended well and me along with several other SED 's are looking forward to the writing group party tomorrow . Lot 's of good food and dessert . What could go wrong ? And no it wasn 't that kind of a bite . Well . . . . this is rather odd short story . So this one SED who I call " the bottomless pit " because he eats a ton of food , was really hungry tonight and wanted his pizza like yesterday . I of course told him to be patient and wait , and he said he was so hungry he could eat my arm . I sarcastically held my arm out and said go right ahead . Unfortunately he took me completely literally and clamped down on the back of my hand leaving a nice sized welt and teeth marks . I of course exclaimed in pain and asked him what the heck he was doing , and he said that I had offered . To say the least , the kid apparently hadn 't a clue that I was speaking figuratively and actually joking ; I never thought that he 'd actually do it . So I learned my lesson . There is still some pain , but the teeth marks have gone away replaced by a kind of bruise . I am just very thankful the SOB didn 't break skin . Other than that it was a fairly painless day ; my three most difficult clients were gone all day long , so that was a blessed relief . There was one touching moment , this one SED told me he had a headache , so while my co - worker was getting him something for it he was telling me how much he missed his family . I told him that sucked and that I wished there was something that I could do to help , and he asked if I could adopt him . When those moments happen , that 's what makes this job worthwhile . This kid has a particular difficulty disclosing his emotions and what not , so when it happens that means as a staff I am making headway . Tomorrow should be good and hopefully not like last Sunday ; that was so blah . " Peace is a lie , there is only Passion . Through Passion , I gain Strength . Through Strength , I gain Power . Through Power , I gain Victory . Through Victory , my chains are broken . The Force shall free me . " - Darth Bane I really like baking and I really like Star Wars , so when I am able to do both of them at the same time then it 's a very good day . As I mentioned on the previous day , it was going to be a busy day for me today . After I got my morning under way I had to go grocery shopping for my writing group for work . We are celebrating me running the writing group for a year now . I cannot believe that much time has passed . I am making tacos , but the real stuff to die for will be the desserts that I made today . Chocolaty Brownies ( completely from scratch ) , and no mixes , pre - made stuff or canned fillings were used for anything I made . A luscious apple pie , and strawberry cheesecake . I think all of the SED 's will have a good time and hopefully there will be no problems . It took me essentially all day ( with some gaps ) to make all three of those things , but each of them came out fantastically and I 'm hoping they each taste that way as well . While I was in the middle of making the brownies and the pie , I watched Star Wars Episode III : Revenge of the Sith hence the quote from the Infamous Dark Lord of the Sith above ( I know far too much about Star Wars don 't remind me ) . It was also the first time I had seen it on a blu - ray player on a high - def television with all of the specs to enhance it as well ( cables and what not ) . There was a huge difference between seeing it that way and the way I was use to . More of the effects were brought to the forefront and the sound also was better ; the film overall had much more depth and vividness to it . Definitely the way to watch Star Wars . Now I might have noticed all of those things because I have seen the movies probably at least three times or so each year since they were released , and the older ones I 've lost count . What got me interested to see that particular Episode was Jimmy Smits . He plays Galactic Senator Bail Organa ( Princess Leia 's father ) but I have been watching him in Dexter as of late , and it 's fascinating to see the remarkable differences between the two characters . I won 't spoil anyPosted by Yes I have a confession to make . . . . I played far too much Medieval Total War today . But the good news is that I was able to do fair bit of writing , and I did read more of my Attila the Hun book , so it 's not like I wasted an entire day in front of the computer , merely just a good portion of it . Not quite certain if that is any kind of consolation prize , but there ya have it . Today I remain sick , but my nose is merely stuffed up ; I was hacking a little , but took something to break down the mucus and then I was doing much better . It sucks so much being sick . I have been sick four days and counting , and although I believe I am getting better it is simply taking far too long . Someone needs to figure out how to beat the evolving cold virus , and make certain that it is inexpensive and practical . Probably will never happen , but it would be nice . I am now at the climax for my audio story ! Which means I am getting closer to being finished . I think the story outline is at 33 pages or so as of right now . If that doesn 't seem like a lot , I took a 35 page story outline and wrote a 542 page book . So looks can really be deceiving . . . wait a minute ! Strike that , reverse that . I actually just finished writing more of Surviving My Life , which I wrote a final outline of it today . I have one really difficult part left to write , and then the remaining parts will be much easier for me . I might actually have some difficulty wrapping all of this up quickly to where it flows and makes sense . All in all , it is turning out to be a much longer short story then I had anticipated , which is good in the long run except for the part where it takes me a long time to get it completed and posted . Soon though I will be finished with that and my audio drama and able to move onto other projects . I 've had it in my mind to write another modern war story and then return to the immortals as well since I liked what I was coming up with those two genres . Well tomorrow should be a rather busy day since I always leave everything to the last day before work for soPosted by Despite being able to breathe through my nose as I slept thanks to the nose spray " Afrin " I woke up around 5am with both of my ears completely . . . well you know that feeling when you need to pop your ears because of the pressure , well that is what it felt like accept they wouldn 't really pop . I went back to sleep , although I think it was less sound . After I got up and sat my head upright then it got much better , and even more so when I finally blew my nose . Apparently being sick is going to affect me for the remainder of the week unfortunately . Today however I felt much better , so at least that much is improving despite my ear popping and nose blowing . After my morning routine I came across something on YouTube that I have been meaning to look up for quite some time . When I was very , very young instead of the Disney Animated classic of Snow White we had on VHS what was called Snow White Live which was a stage production of the story put on by Disney I believe . It 's really , really cool and seeing certain parts of it again brought back a lot of fuzzy childhood memories . . . and I mean that in the positive sense . The clip I chose was when the wicked queen turns into the old hag , which I always loved when I was young ; even then I was cheering for the villains . There are also other clips on YouTube if you 're interested in more of the show . Perhaps one day someone will upload the whole thing , but probably not ; it 's old and I suppose they would put another production together versus putting the old one up . I was able to go over a good portion of the edits for my second book which was awesome and I 'm hoping to them done by tomorrow ( depending on what I have on my schedule ) . Pardon me while I blow my nose . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Oh that 's better . Umm . . . . . oh yeah that 's where I was going . I wrote some more of my audio drama and am getting really close to the climax . It 's actually going to be very complicated to write , what with all of the abstract action going on since it 's purely audio . Ultimately for today IPosted by All day long I 've felt like an elephant with a trunk full of water . Being sick not only saps me of my energy but also my creative energy . I did get some writing in of my short story Surviving My Life but that was it . I spent the rest of the day sitting around doing nothing and watching re - runs of Law and Order : Criminal Intent . I have no idea why my nose has to be all stuffed up because I 'm sick , but it 's a bloody pain in the neck especially with no matter how many times I blow it , it remains completely stuffed up . I really hope after tomorrow things begin to feel better because I am wasting so much time waiting for this cold to go away ; fortunately because of my job situation this is happening on my days off . Well here 's to good health and a prayer that I sleep really well tonight and am able to breathe through my nose . . . . Empires have fallen at the sight of this pox ! " That was a great line from the old Fox Kids show " The Tick " when our superhero had an " uncommon " cold . What a great show . Unfortunately though I had something akin to that when I woke up at 2 : 30am with a sore throat and then periodically throughout the rest of the morning . Around 8am or so I called work and told them I was sick and wouldn 't make it , which I didn 't really want to do , but I felt like crap and would be useless to anyone . I slept until 12 : 30pm and would have slept longer but I got a phone call waking me up and after which I started my day . Let me just say this one thing ; I HATE BEING SICK ! The worst part is trying to sleep when your nose is so congested that you can 't breathe through it , which keeps you from sleeping which in the long run keeps you from getting better . The day was blah . Besides doing laundry and watching Pirates of the Caribbean : At World 's End and some television shows my day was just surviving . I made a trip to Target to get something more for my congestion and I wanted a drug that had pseudo - ephedrine in it , but since I believe it is an ingredient for some illegal drug you have to get it from the pharmacy which was closed by the time I had gotten there . I was sorely vexed because phenlphrene or whatever the heck it 's called doesn 't work for me and that is all they had . Instead I got this mist stuff that I put in my nose , and it took the congestion away fairly quickly . Now I just have the sore throat and other lovely symptoms . Work would have been so much easier to deal with ( and cheaper ) than a cold . Well I hope and pray that it get 's out of my system quickly ; I really don 't want to make the time to deal with an irritant such as this . There is nothing worse than a crisis that then turns into three crises that are happening simultaneously . I thought I was going to flip my lid . This one SED was what we call out of programming / area for about 2 hours simply because he didn 't want to go to bed when he was supposed to . Two other SED 's felt the same way about going inside when it was time to do so , and so they went running about the facility throwing dirt clods and shouting all manner of ridiculous things . Eventually all three of them were able to calm down , but let me tell you ; it was very stressful for me , especially when I wasn 't getting any help , and had very little control of the situation . It was just a very long day at work , and I had to dodge this one kid 's shoes and other stuff he was hurling at me . He was angry at his mother and was taking it out on me ; I essentially became mom for all intents and purposes and he was targeting me . Such a lovely boy . Well after all of the paperwork I kept finding one more thing that I had to do ( hence the title ) until I was rechecking stuff I had already done ; I must have looked so ragged and dreadful . I hope a lot of sleep gets rid of all of that weariness , because tomorrow is thankfully my last day before my days off ! I don 't know how all of this " Judgment Day " stuff reverberated throughout the world , but here in the grand old U . S . A people were flocking around the notion that the end of the world was going to happen marked by some sort of cataclysmic earthquake . Yeah whatever , everyone is still here , including the individuals who thought that they 'd get swept up into Heaven or whatever . You know , back in the Old Testament of the Bible the Hebrews would stone a prophet if the prophesy he or she proclaimed was incorrect . It was only if it was correct that they knew the prophet was sent from Yahweh ( God ) . A pity some things go out of vogue ; perhaps a lot less people would be led astray by self absorbed imbeciles . Work went well , although one of the SED 's flashed me his . . . well . . . you get the picture , and he did it twice . The mere reflection of the memory makes me want to vomit . Other than all of that the day was routine , but many of the SED 's were out of sorts which was kind of frustrating . We watched the Walt Disney classic Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and the kids actually liked it , despite one of them calling it too old to watch , but he soon got into it . Walt certainly had a talent for making excellent films and crafting good stories ; a pity that Walt Disney Studios hasn 't retained the caliber . Today was boorishly uneventful . Upon finishing my morning ablutions I went and saw Pirates of the Caribbean : On Stranger Tides in 3 - D . Well . . . it was good . I 'm going to give it a Moderate on " Watch - ability ; " it was good but there were times when it was like , come on seriously . A High on " Escape - ability ; " the world was totally immersible , and I was hardly bored . I 'll give it a Moderate for " Enjoy - ability ; " despite liking the film and having a good time , it wasn 't sensational . It receives a Moderate for " Artistic - ability ; " a lot of the style was drawn from the previous films and already existing material . Definitely a High for " Technical - ability ; " special effects , cinematography , music , and lighting were excellent amongst many other things . It was also the best film I 've seen in 3 - D aside from Avatar and Alice in Wonderland . Things really jumped out at you like I believe they 're supposed to in this format . Based on all of that , the film receives a Strong Ability from me . It 's good and relatively enjoyable ; Johnny Depp as always makes the film . I attempted to write some more of Surviving My Life , but aside from the film review my laziness won out . It 's really annoying ; when I want to write my artistic juices aren 't flowing , and when I 'm busy doing something else , or want to do something else they 're on fire . I need a brain . . . creative indicator measurer thing . Well , work starts up again tomorrow . My goodness , it 's hard to believe that there is essentially only one more full week of May before June . I better get working on all of those writing projects that I have to finish . Honestly I don 't really remember where the time today went . I vaguely remember relaxing for a long , long time , and then I went to work for a little while to spend some time with an SED ( I 'm what 's called his primary counselor , and we spend one on one time with the kid each week ) . I spoke to me mum afterwards , watched Dead Man 's Chest and then set to work on getting a preview for my rabbit hole story on my website . I was hoping to have the story completed this week , but a preview is what ya 'll are going to have to settle for . The title I chose for the story is Surviving My Life . It was actually very difficult to come up with a title , and for now I settled with that one . It 's always very difficult for me to create a title and tends to be the last thing that I do . However , time isn 't my ally like it use to be , and I have to be flexible with my creative . . . process . I really feel that by the time that I am finished this will be the finest short story that I have ever written and published on my website . I feel it shows not only a lot of growth in my skill as a writer , but also my maturity as an individual who is slowly experiencing all kinds of things in the world that shouldn 't be , and hearing stories that are beyond horrifying . This story that I am writing is very , very dark and disturbing so don 't be expected to laugh and find merriment . I purposely wrote it to be disturbing and ghastly , because most individuals who 've experienced the kind of abuse that I am portraying tend to be that way in some form or another that I 've come across so far in life . As always the purpose of the story is to get people to think , and hopefully think of something else besides themselves . The world is very unpleasant , and we the people who live in the United States of America whether rich or poor , young and old live in the sweet spot and therefore often forget that . I really hope that I don 't experience the true horrors of life in the remaining time that I have left on earth , but if I do , then I hope I have the courage and determination Posted by It 's great to be watching Dexter again after so long thank goodness . I thought that I 'd never get that DVD from the Netflix queue . I 'm hoping that the 3rd season was as good as the 2nd season . I posted a video that features some of the music from the series ; it is often featured at the end of each episode , but sometimes it also weaves its way into various episodes . The music possesses a certain quality that thrills me but also creeps me out as well ; I guess that 's what makes the television show thrive amongst fans . That is essentially Dexter Morgan ; very thrilling but again very creepy since he has that anti - social personality disorder stuff going on . Anyways , I thought that it was cool . On a lighter note , I watched Pirates of the Caribbean : Curse of the Black Pearl in anticipation of the fourth film coming out this Friday . Now I am going to debut my new website film review system with the first Pirates film . Out of the 5 Abilities I will give it a HIGH on " Watch - ability . " A HIGH on " Escape - ability . " A MODERATE on " Enjoy - ability " ( Orlando Bloom annoyed me so much , and is the reason I don 't watch it as often as I otherwise would ) . A MODERATE on " Artistic - ability " ( much of everything was based on pre - existing material ) . And lastly , a HIGH for " Technical - ability . " Given those rankings of the 5 Abilities , the film in general has a Strong Ability , which for my rating system means essentially a Medium - High rating , which is good . Most of the films I end up watching will mostly fall into that category . A film has to be nigh perfect ( once more using my own personal criteria ) to earn a Super Ability , but it can happen . Aside from relaxing and writing the audio drama , and a little after dinner reading on Attila the Hun , my day was uneventful . I was hankering for something sweet , so I made myself some lemon cupcakes and made a creamy and luscious lemon glaze to put over them . It was quite . . . umm . . . . scrumptious . Posted by For the most part , on Tuesdays I don 't get much done because of cleaning and I 'm doing something in the form of relaxing or taking a load off . Today was much different though , I did all of those things , but I worked on my website a lot . I was finally able to finish up my list of composers with Atli Orvarsson , Tim Wynn , and Trevor Rabin . Now I will begin featuring a composer once every two weeks or so on the website , at least that is my goal , or I might shoot for once a month ; with my schedule I don 't know how consistent I 'll be able to make it . That 's the unfortunate thing about working full time and writing as well as managing an entire website that you try to keep updated weekly . I was also able to put together my rating system on my website , and I think it looks pretty good so far - Film Review System . The point of me creating this system was so I could rate a film that I didn 't necessary want to write a review on . Also it would give readers a quick indicator of whether or not they would want to try watching or not watch the film at all without reading the entire review . In theory it sounds great , but I guess I 'll find out when I put it to practice . I began reading this book I got from the library on Attila the Hun , and it is quite fascinating so far . From what I 've read and understood historians are uncertain where the Huns really came from , other than the large geographical area of Asia , and that they came across the Danube River . I won 't bore all of you with the theories though , but it is a very fascinating read so far . A little tid bit of wisdom for people out there just starting out on their own that was never told to me ; never room with someone or go in on a joint venture or intertwine yourself to anyone financially without first seeing all of their bank records . I am learning this the hard way with my roommate . The whole situation sucks for both of us , yet we 're both kind of trapped for the time being ; life really sucks , and anyone who thinks contrary is really fortunate and or lucky . It was another successful day at work . My writing group went well today and the chocolate cupcakes turned out very well . The one SED who is usually a gigantic terror , has been really good lately . He actually told me the other day that he needed to get his glasses so he could look more like me , and then he sat right next to me the same way that I was sitting . This comes from the kid mind you that has bit , punched , spit , and kicked me amongst other things . I think there 's a good novel in there somewhere . I thought his imitation of me was very cool , and right now I 'm telling him a bedtime story of a lightning rod wielder ( I make it up as we go along and he loves it ; always tries to get me to remain longer ) . It 's amazing the change I 've seen in him , once I broke through the barriers . Well my four days off begin once more , and I am going to put my best foot forward about getting everything done that I keep talking about getting done . Perhaps I 'll actually get it all done . Well . . . work wasn 't strenuous , but the presence of one in particular female client was almost more than I could manage without blowing up . This SED girl is so . . . so . . . viciously wretched and rude that she needs to be horse whipped and spanked a lot . She is about eight years old but has the mindset of a snotty thirteen year old spoiled brat , but a million times worse . It took so much patience to ignore this SED and let what she did go , and even still I must admit that I really don 't care for her . Aside from that large blip , it was a rather fine day ; although this one kid blew up and climbed a fence remarkably quickly and then also got down relatively quickly as well . You would think that I would get use to his shouting and screaming , but still I find it difficult to maintain a calm composure . All in all it was a good work day , although long ; my co - worker Karen W . was amazing and was able to get a lot of cleaning in which made the cottage so much more orderly looking and clean . One more day of work and then more rest , and hopefully this time I won 't have any roommate related stress . You know that when you 're playing tag with a bunch of small children jumping around ( trying to at least ) like Spider - Man trying to catch everyone and then twist your foot / ankle . . . well you either need to call it a day for running all crazy like that or you need to exercise more ; I certainly agree that I need to do the latter . Fortunately my foot is feeling immensely better , but for a while it was in a lot of pain , and when I got injured only the girls cared about it as the boys went back to playing without a word to me . I found that very interesting . Well I would say that the day went very well . Didn 't have any major incidents , although this one kid about blew up over not being able to go hunt nature creatures and walk around outside ( he has difficulty letting things go , and he has one violently , nasty temper ) . Away from all of that though , I 'm going to get on my soapbox for a few seconds here and say to all of you parents and people who want to have children , to never make your kids feel guilty unless it is absolutely necessary once in a blue moon . There was this one girl that I work with , and she was speaking with her mother who was just ripping her apart about something ; it was rather unpleasant , and in the end she even made a subtle , veiled threat to the girl . Very tragic , and the girl is actually very sweet and delightful ; some individuals just let their own bitterness and anger poison other people instead of resolving it . . . . And it 's filled with people who are filled with sh * * . . . " Ah yes , those few opening lines to Sweeney Todd . If I may say it , yesterday was hell . Apparently Blogger was down which was why I couldn 't post anything yesterday night when I was trying to , that was very frustrating , and my roommate issues were at their . . . highest peak that they have ever been at . The near debacle though was resolved today late afternoon and hopefully now a bright new future awaits us both . At least that is what I am hoping , or something along or close to those lines . Yesterday was mildly productive , although I can 't really remember what I did or didn 't do . I 'd like to think that I was able to get some things accomplished , but I don 't even know what those might have been since it was so full of stress . Today however was little stressful but I was too busy to really pay attention . I had training at work in the morning and then I ran quite a few errands which included a lovely trip to the library that I wish was larger . There was this library in Wisconsin that I use to go to all of the time and it was the perfect size ; since then I have been unable to find a library to compare it to . I got a book on Attila the Hun and it looks like it is going to be pretty good from what I 've read so far . I was feeling in the baking mood so I made some delicious pumpkin bread , which I will enjoy tomorrow , and I also watched Sweeney Todd ; it always seems to brighten up my mood and creatively inspire me . I would have posted more on my website , but this wasn 't the most . . . artistically inspiring week . I 'm going to hopefully shoot for next week to finally complete my rabbit hole story , but things never seem to consistently go according to my plan . Today in many ways was much better than yesterday . Despite some drama and stress still remaining I was able to more adequately control it and move on with the day , which turned out to be quite productive . I don 't think I 've had this kind of productive day in weeks . I was able to not only have some fun but write some of my friend 's audio drama , create pages for the film composers Michael Giacchino and Nicholas Hooper , come up with a new rating system for reviewing films , I wrote a good portion of my rabbit hole story , and I also reviewed some of the edits that my first editor made to book 2 . Now that is a frelling mouthful , a person whose watched far too much Farscape would say . Honestly I haven 't a single clue how today was so unusually productive , and if I did then I would make certain the same formula was followed each day that I wrote and went about my business . It was actually profoundly difficult doing Nicholas Hooper 's page as the man had no decent photo on the web that I could locate , but coming up with the new review rating system was actually easier than I had anticipated . I 'll debut it on the blog soon . I tried to be simplistic , new , and interesting while conveying all of the pertinent information that would or would not indicate whether or not a film was good or bad . Hopefully everyone likes it ; I think it 's pretty awesome . I 'm getting closer to the climax of the audio drama and getting close to the climax of the rabbit hole story as well ; I actually just finished writing a very heart wrenching scene . I might actually post a sample on my website since it 's taking me so long to finish writing it ; then all of you can see the craziness that I 've been up to for so long . Well I don 't know if tomorrow will be as productive , but if not then I think I did fairly well enough today to cover for it all . Goodnight and good luck . Posted by One would like to think that your first day off wouldn 't be filled with a very stressful event that wasn 't related to eustress ( positive stress ) , yet receiving a call from the leasing office from my apartment complex letting me know that one of the checks for rent bounced just set the tone for a very unproductive day . I was able to get a lot of cleaning done , but that doesn 't really take any brain / thinking power though , and when I tried to write I just couldn 't rouse the creative juices inside of me that much . Stress that is out of my control tends to inhibit me creatively . I was able to write a little bit of the audio drama and I think I 've reached the halfway point on that , but the more difficult part is coming up . One of my editors also finished editing book 2 so I 'm going to be busy looking over that , and I am also going to be working on a project involving book 1 . The days ahead are going to be filled with a lot of stress , so what happened today with my roommate 's inept acumen skills just is something I don 't need to deal with . It 's so vexing , but one must go on otherwise you 'll find yourself trapped hating the world and everyone who appears to make everything go wrong . Bitterness is a very hollow way to survive this planet . Lately I 've been watching Law & Order : Criminal Intent as I was getting a little tired of SVU , but I am getting tired of the good guys always winning ; that 's what made me stop watching it years ago and then switching to SVU . It gives me something to watch and unwind though so I won 't complain . Oh and on top of all of the day 's early stress I watched a documentary in the series about the universe concerning apocalyptic scenarios that could happen to earth . So watch out for asteroids , explosive gamma rays , and you don 't want to be around earth in 50 billion years as the earth will either be a frozen rock or the entire universe will have collapsed . Now doesn 't that just make your day . Well after a weekend of work I am ready for some rest and relaxation . Today wasn 't too bad either . The one SED who usually tantrums and has a dreadful day did actually quite well , while his brothers did very poorly . One of the brothers threw a rock and hit one of my co - workers right smack in the eye and sent him to the emergency room because they thought he had severe eye damage . Fortunately though he seems alright for now . I 'm going to try and finish my rabbit hole story this week as it seems like it 'll be mostly routine , but one never knows what life is going to throw your direction . I 'm almost up to forty pages so this is a long short story ; I 'm going to have to find a way to quickly finish it without killing the narrative and plot . Hope all of you had a great weekend ; gird your loins for the week . To all of you mothers out there congratulations on having one of the toughest jobs on the planet : raising children . Despite not being married , having no children , or even in a serious romantic relationship I can certainly understand what they go through . At my job I in a sense raise children , and have been doing so for a few years now ; me and my co - workers get no attention from the outside world and therefore little recognition , but we deal with a lot of crap every day from homework , to cleaning , to laundry , to " kid drama , " to relationship / romantic drama . . . . The list goes ever on . Mothers get to deal with the same crap on a much more intimate and deeper level than the average western culture father , and for some odd reason their job seems to be getting more complicated lately because people believe that kids need everything . Moms therefore are the natural provider and mediator for all of this to happen . What I say about all of that is . . boo - hiss ! There should be an even amount of work that both parents provide and do , and kids don 't need everything ; one thing ( like an extra - curricular activity ) should be good enough , not five plus , and people , children really don 't need cell phones . . . heck I 'd go so far to say that teenagers don 't need cellphones . I didn 't get my first cellphone until I was a sophomore in college ( 2005 fall ) . So moms chill , and society needs to chill its expectations of mothers and raise expectations for fathers where nurturing children is concerned . Work was fine today , although an SED did threaten to stab me because I wouldn 't let him do something . It was an interesting moment when he came charging at me and then stopped before breaking down into tears about what he said . Well I hope all of you mothers had an excellent day . I love you mom ! Three years ago today ( actually it was May 6th I believe technically ) I graduated with my B . A . in psychology and I remember that day very well ; it was a lot of fun , although filled with tense nerves too . Today I returned to my alma mater , San Diego Christian College , to see the last of my friends from college graduate . It was nice to see old friends again and chat with some former professors of mine . It was a fantastic way to begin the day . . . . and then I went to work , but honestly today was really , really good at work and there was nothing for me to really complain about . That was my day , and now as usual time for sleep . Well I hope all of you are ready for the 2011 blockbuster season to begin because it is . . . . . . . here at last ! THOR opened today , and of course I saw it and wrote a very lovely review of it . It is a good start for what looks to be a very promising season . I have a feeling that THOR will do nicely since Priest will be of little competition and Pirates of the Caribbean is still some ways off . Watching this film has encouraged me to return to reading Norse mythology , which I tried to read back in 2008 , but it was a little heavy at the time and my job at the time required me to be distracted by more superfluous fiction and forms of entertainment . I suggest that everyone should go see THOR , that is if you enjoy action films with a great story . Aside from that , the day was rather boring . I chatted for a bit on the telephone with me mum and wished her a happy mother 's day since I 'll be working all weekend . I also was busy assembling my new Blu - ray player which is very cool . I tried Harry Potter and Deathly Hallows Pt . 1 bonus features and it worked nicely ; I can 't wait to watch an actual film and see how much difference there is and isn 't . I 've been on a James Bond kick since a good majority of them are on Netflix instant play and tonight I watched The Spy Who Loved Me , and surprisingly it was one of the better ones , despite the cheesy lines and chauvinistic tendencies that the main character possesses . Work starts tomorrow , but since I won 't be working in the morning , it should be a rather simple day , at least I hope . Have a good weekend everyone , my work week yet again is just beginning . Well this morning I got up bright and early to go hiking . I thought it would be a delightful , scenic , and relaxing hike . It was far from any of that . While I had a . . . . good time , it was long , very hot outside , and the last part of the hike was oh so steep and I kept pushing myself and pushing myself until my legs felt like they couldn 't go any further . I almost vomited numerous times , and not only was I exhausted when I got back to my apartment but I was also sunburned on many parts of my body which proved discomforting throughout the day . To say the least , I was not capable of being productive after that . I felt like a big fat potato that someone had squeezed . I was able to write some more of the audio drama but that was unfortunately it . I had planned to write my rabbit hole story , but the hike kind of eliminated that option . Oh well , there is tomorrow and next week even though I was hoping to have it finished this week . That goes to show that not everything can happen according to plan . I watched another episode about our universe , from the History Channel , and it was about Mars . It was interesting to a point , but far less useful than learning about the sun and far more boring . In summary , Mars is really cold , has gigantic volcanoes , an environment of basically carbon dioxide , an average temperature of - 100 below zero Fahrenheit during the night , and they think that there is frozen water under the surface of the planet which they believe is the Rosetta stone in proving that there is or was life on Mars . Personally , I 'm glad I live on a planet with running water and green foliage . Tomorrow should be fun as THOR is being released in theaters . Good night everyone , and to those that celebrate it Happy Cinco de Mayo ! Note : Correction on the blog for Tuesday , I believe . The Star Wars saga will not be available on Blu - ray until September of this year . I 'm not quite sure why there was a bunch of hubub about it yesterday if they weren 't going to release it , but there you have it . Only . . . . a couple more months remaining . Happy International Star Wars Day to everyone ! I suppose for those of us who are enthusiastic fans it 's a little like Christmas . . . well I guess that is what it should be like . I 'm going to have to change it to being more like that in the future for me at least . I unfortunately worked today , so I was unable to " party " as a true Star Wars fan would have , but I did watch Attack of the Clones after I got back from work . It 's amazing how amazing it looks on a large , high definition , wide screen television set . The picture is so clear , so crisp and vivid . . . thinking of it makes me want to watch it again . And that was my day essentially summed up . I couldn 't rouse myself to write this morning before work , and it was unlikely to happen after work so I suppose it will have to wait for tomorrow and the days after . Just a little reminder for all of you children out there ; I hope that you are picking something amazing for your mother for this upcoming Sunday . I still haven 't thought of a great idea yet as my original idea kind of went out the door so I may have to settle for chocolates and flowers . How boring , but quite effective . May the Force be with you all . Well tomorrow is at least for me a kind of holiday / celebration / remembrance ; such is the life of a devoted Star Wars fan . It is also the day I believe that the Star Wars films will be released on Blu - ray ; that should be interesting to see . Today was fairly busy . After doing my usual morning routine , I cleaned the apartment up a little and then went grocery shopping which was fun minus the irritating people that don 't know proper cart etiquette . You 'd think that if you were trying to get through an aisle and someone was blocking it that they 'd move ; nope , apparently I 'm suppose to go all the way around the other aisle . After taking over some more of the world as the Moors in Medieval Total War II , I relaxed . When I realized it was another hour or so before I should be making dinner , I wrote some more of the audio drama after which I made myself some super delicious tacos . The seasoning recipe is a family secret and boy does it make good meat ! I didn 't watch a film but rather an episode of Law and Order : Criminal Intent . In anticipation of tomorrow , I wrote a Star Wars : Attack of the Clones Film Review and a Star Wars : Attack of the Clones Score Review . This turns out to be a good thing since I 'm picking up a shift at work tomorrow because I 'm going to a college graduation this Saturday morning . That was my writing for tonight ; we 'll see if I can convince myself to do writing tomorrow instead of playing around on the computer before work . Oh I would also like to send out my congratulations to some very dear friends of mine , Joshua and Emily as they had their first child born to them this past Sunday . So far , baby James is a very healthy young baby boy and doing well , as is the mother . I wish all three of them the best . Thank goodness my days off have arrived ! I have had my fill of kids screaming at me , shouting obscenities , and flashing me . The mind can only take so much of that before snapping . I will get my opportunity to sleep more , of which I have been sleeping most excellently as of late , relax , and do some writing . There is so much that I should be doing in the area of writing , but what can I say after three consecutive days where I essentially do nothing but work with SED children and then get some days off . I think I am beginning to accept the fact that as long as I have a full time job , then any amount of writing that I get done ( since I also blog and manage a website ) will be satisfactory . That said , I am going to go through the mail , watch something , and then sleep for hopefully a long time . Note : Correction on my Friday blog . Prince William 's wife is not the Princess of Wales , but rather the Duchess of Cambridge . I think the latter sounds cooler . Well happy May 1st everyone , and it seems according to the news that this May was a very eventful day . For me though it was simply tiring . At work the big wigs decided to put on this family get together day with the SED 's , their families , and other people involved with making their life more . . . . . . . pleasant and bearable . You 'd think that this overall would be a good thing , but it really wasn 't . All day so many of the SED 's were crying , tantruming , getting angry , and just so ridiculously emotional . In the end I and several other staff found ourselves putting out little fires here and there ( metaphorically speaking of course ) and it was exhausting . This one SED busted up his solid wood door a little , another SED got naked and danced in front of a window while playing with his penis , and so many cried , whined , and instigated each other . Yep , this is what I deal with at work all of the time . So I 'm really tired and sleepy and so very thankful that tomorrow marks the last day I work before I get my days off . As the world continues to change , I hope all of us continue to remain safe and free . You can find " The Curse of a Warrior " and " Dishonor 's Scourge " available at Amazon . com and Barnes & Noble as well . You should also be able to ask any bookstore to order it for you provided you have the title , and / or ISBN number . Enjoy ! As a writer I find it difficult to always find time to write since I have a job where I work 40 hours plus a week . This blog is a journal of my creative exploits , and how my life affects my writing . This in turn will be a journey to discover whether or not I can master my life so that I can pursue the imaginative dreams which are only a few key strokes away . Feel free to support this author by clicking on any of the ads that you come across on my blog and my website www . escapistnow . com
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For Ian 's birthday on Wed . he wanted me to make cupcakes for his class . I normally just use box mixes for my cake because they are so moist and you really cant mess them up but for some reason I wanted to do a batter from scratch . I got on this website called Cupcakes Take the Cake and she had posted a recipe for cupcakes from the Magnolia Bakery in New York . Oh - My - Heck ( as they say here in Utah ) I seriously could have eaten the entire bowl of raw batter . Unbelievable and so easy . Im going to post the recipe on my recipe blog too because I will have to use that one again and again and again . I needed something easy for Ians cupcakes because I didnt have a lot of time so I stuck chocolate / caramel Eyeballs on each cupcake . I thought they turned out cute and he said his classmates loved them which is all that matters of course . It turned out when I started making them that I was out of just about everything so I ran to the corner market and bought a few things , came back and realized I was out of something else , ran back to the market for that , came back and couldnt find my cupcake liners , ran back to market for those . The girl that works there probably thought I had lost it because by then , I felt like I had . . . . . . she asked me this morning as I was grabbing a sprite for Evan ( who is sick ) " hey , did you ever get those cupcakes made ? " Yeah , rough day . The things we do for our kids . Well , today is the day ! Ian is officially 8 years old . Im at a loss for words when I try to describe how I feel about it . He is growing up so fast and pretty soon he wont be a little boy anymore . Ian has given me so much joy since his birth 8 years ago . It is hard for me to imagine what my life was like before he was in it . Nothing has ever come close to the feeling I had that night when they laid him on my chest . Nothing else mattered in the world at that moment . . . . . . it was just amazing . I just want to write a few things about Ian that I love . It 's only a few because Im sure I could write a book on this subject . 1 . His witty sense of humor 2 . His smile3 . The way he tells me he loves me and hugs me like Im the mostimportant person in the world to him . 4 . His intelligence5 . His tenderness6 . His spirituality7 . His soft squishy ears8 . His negotiation skillsThose are just a few . . . . . . . Ian is an amazing individual and makes me laugh daily . Here is a little bit of a conversation that still has me laughing ! This took place yesterday . . . . . mom : Ian , who wrote this on your folder ( it said " I am dork " . . . I was just curious ) Ian : That dependsmom : depends on what ? Ian : well , what answer would make you the most mad ? Always looking for the best answer , always wanting to please , never wanting to get in trouble . That is Ian for sure . I love you Ian Kenneth . . . . I hope your 8th birthday is the best ever and that you never ever forget how much your mom loves you ! Posted by I finally ran for 2 miles today ! This is very exciting for me . . . . nevermind how long it took me to do it , I 'll work on that later . Im just happy to have actually done it . One more mile to go and I will reach my goal of being able to run 3 miles a day . After that my goal will be to complete the 3 miles under a certain time . Im not even sure what time I want that to be but for now I am running a 15 minute mile which is ssslllllooooowwww ! Anyway , just wanted to share my good news ! I just had the last rehearsal for my choir performance last night . . . . . it was kinda sad but I am excited to sing in the Tabernacle on Saturday . We have worked hard . Last night we were recorded for a CD which was cool . It was a bit uncomfortable as they crammed us into the chapel and shut all the doors in order to keep all the sound in . Normally we fill the chapel and the overflow but we all squished into the chapel last night . It was hot and someone close to me was not wearing enough deodorant . . . . Anyway , Im excited to hear the cd so I can hear how we actually sound . My parents will be in town this weekend so my mom is coming the hear us sing . Dad opted out . . . shock . . . . but will be babysitting the babies so that everyone else can attend . Thanks Dad . We will be celebrating Ian 's 8th birthday on Sunday with a big lunch here at our house . Ian has requested Broccoli Cheese potato soup so we are having a soup lunch . More on that later . Speaking of Ian , it was brought to my attention at church yesterday that the musical gene has been passed on to him . For those that dont know , on my mom 's side of the family my aunt , uncle , ( aunt Debbie , uncle Barry ) and at one time , my Grandmother all sing / sang in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir . On my dads side , his biological father was a professional singer and one of his sisters ( my aunt Alice ) also sings professionally . His other sister ( my aunt Chrissy ) also has an amazing voice ! Ok , so now that you know the background , the primary was practicing for their upcoming program yesterday and after Sunday School I went in the chapel to find a seat with the kids . Evan 's teacher stopped me and said " Im Evans teacher , but I was sitting next to your other son ( Ian ) during the practice and I wanted to tell you that he has an incredible voice ~ His pitch is almost perfect and he even sings with some vibrato ! " I was stunned actually . . . . . I mean Ive heard him sing and he is always on tune but Ive never heard him really sing like that . I was pretty proud . The funny thing is that I have heard Evan sing bPosted by Here is a little preview of the kids Halloween costumes . Nothin fancy I assure you but cute nonetheless . You know , since the kids really don 't get enough candy on the actual holiday , our church decided to do a " trunk - or - treat " the week before ( tonight ) to make sure that they all got enough sugar to justify using Ritalin . No really , it was just a little trunk - or - treat . . . . only about 10 cars and now the kids are REALLY excited for the actual trick or treating they will enjoy next Friday . So here are a couple of pics taken on our way to the party . . . . Unfortunately I wont get to do my before and after pictures that I normally take on Halloween this year , cause I 'm working which I 'm sure Ive mentioned more than necessary . . . . Got a busy week ahead as my parents are coming to town on Thursday , Ian 's birthday is Wednesday so that means treats for class . Halloween on Friday of course . My choir performance Saturday and a big lunch for Ian 's birthday on Sunday . . . . . sometime in between my 3 " jobs " I have to find time to buy Ian 's birthday gifts as well . Oh yeah and clean my house . Yikes . I may not be blogging much this week . . . . sorry . Here are a couple of random pictures I took this week while watching Soren . . . . . . Sweet thing ! Posted by Can I just say how much fun I had tonight ? I was invited by Kristin , a girl that I go to church with , to come to her house for Bunko night . I had played Bunko a couple of times while I lived in Arizona . I was only a sub for my cousin Marcy 's group so I only played when they were going to be missing someone . I remember it was a lot of fun so I was totally on board with going tonight . It was great fun and I even won a prize . . . . legitimately ! Thanks to Kristin for inviting me and I signed up to continue with the group which means I will have to host it one month . I feel like Im moving into a different catergory of life where I actually get to start having one ( a life that is ) outside of my house and children occasionally . Exciting stuff huh ? Next game I 'll take some pictures of the crazy ladies . . . . What a gorgeous day ! Thankfully , the weather improved from last weekend . . . . . Today we had planned on making a trip to Logan to visit some friends that we havent seen in about 5 years . Sadly , Melanie called yesterday to report she had come down with the flu so we had to cancel the plans . Hopefully she feels better soon and we can try again ! We didnt have anything to do today ( for once ) so Denver went fishing and Im not sure what I did really except that it amounted to NOTHING which is something that I rarely get a chance to do ! Believe me , I enjoyed it thoroughly . Sometime around 5pm , we headed to the park to enjoy the last few hours of the day . We used to live right across the street from this park and I love to go there with the kids . I dont think we have ever taken Addie though so she had a lot of fun on the " wings " and the " lides " . . . . as the sun started retreating , we ended the day feeding the geese . Here are a few pictures of the fun . . . I love Fall and wish it would stay this season forever sometimes . Ian has been on Fall break from school all week . . . . he is off all of next week too . Evan was off Thurs and Fri and will be off on Monday as well . We have officially purchased Halloween costumes for the 3 of them . . . . . more on that after the Holiday . I wont be able to trick or treat with the kids this year as I have to work . Im pretty bummed about it but there isnt anything I can do to change it . . . . . At least I will be here to get them all ready to go ! We bought easy costumes this year that dont require me to use stage makeup . . . . this will eliminate a lot of time . Here is Ian , our very first scout . As you can see he is very proud . . . . and excited . We are headed to his first Pack Meeting ! Posted by Last night I went to a semi - private voice lesson with my 8th grade choir teacher and current choir director . I didnt sign up because I think Im a great singer nor do I think she can make me a great singer . I just want to learn how to sing better . So , the session went great and I learned some good tools to help me . There were just 5 women in there with me so it was nice that I wasnt singing completely alone and yet I still felt like I was getting personal attention . I enjoyed it and signed up to take her level 2 class next month . My mom made the comment that she couldnt believe I would dare sing in front of someone by myself like that . . . . she didnt think she could ever do it . While I was there I noticed a large quotation on the wall that struck me because it answers her comment as to why a person might put themselves out there like that . And , because I am sort of collecting good thoughts that I come across , I decided I would post it here . It kind of goes along with the Sir Francis Drake quotation that I posted a couple of days ago . . . . . . To laugh is to risk appearing a fool , To weep is to risk appearing sentimental . To reach out to another is to risk involvement , To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self . To place your ideas and dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss . To love is to risk not being loved in return , To live is to risk dying , To hope is to risk despair , To try is to risk failure . But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing . The person who risks nothing , does nothing , has nothing , is nothing . He may avoid suffering and sorrow , But he cannot learn , feel , change , grow or live . Chained by his servitude he is a slave who has forfeited all freedom . Only a person who risks is free . The pessimist complains about the wind ; The optimist expects it to change ; And the realist adjusts the sails . " - William Arthur Ward I love it when I come across a meaninful quote or piece of poetry that moves me . This is the main reason for my " Quotes that I love " section on my sidebar . The only problem , which I have realized a little late , is that as I change quotes on there I lose the one I had before . So , in order to file these little gems , I have created a new label and as I change the quote on the sidebar , I will post the old one in an actual post so that I can refer to them when I need to . I just wish there was a way to categorize them within the label . . . . oh well . For now , this is why you will see random posts with a piece of poetry or a quotation and nothing else . Im not trying to be deep or profound , just trying to be organized ! Nicola celebrated her birthday this past Saturday Oct 11th . She and Jeff have been together for 8 years I think . . . . maybe longer ? Nicola is the nicest person in the world and my kids LOVE her . She works with autistic children everyday which is amazing . . . . she takes care of my brother and we love having her in our family ! Hope you had a Happy Birthday Nicola . . . . . Sometimes I find myself feeling sorry for my situation . Angry that life hasnt treated me more fairly . What did I do to deserve this ? Worried and anxious . . . . . . I end up trying to place blame and then I find myself in an uglier place than when I started . Today at church a lesson was taught that incorporated this poem below . I was very moved by it . Although her lesson was not about the things I am mentioning here , this poem reminded me that no matter what life throws at me , I can only grow from its experiences . That without the turbulence , I wouldnt know or understand peace . Without the disappointments , I wouldnt appreciate the successes . Doesnt it always seem like when things are going well , something comes along to upset everything ? You could blame Murphys Law . . . . . I know I do a lot . However , read this poem and think about it with the perspective that perhaps we are given tough times in order to keep us humble and appreciative . To help us see what is important in this life and to continue learning and growing instead of " getting comfortable " and not progressing . Just a thought that I wanted to share with you today because it touched me . . . . . . . Disturb us , Lord , whenWe are too well pleased with ourselves , When our dreams have come trueBecause we have dreamed too little , When we arrived safelyBecause we sailed too close to the shore . Disturb us , Lord , whenWith the abundance of things we possessWe have lost our thirstFor the waters of life ; Having fallen in love with life , We have ceased to dream of eternityAnd in our efforts to build a new earth , We have allowed our visionOf the new Heaven to dim . Disturb us , Lord , to dare more boldly , To venture on wider seasWhere storms will show your mastery ; Where losing sight of land , We shall find the stars . We ask You to push backThe horizons of our hopes ; And to push into the futureIn strength , courage , hope , and love . Sir Francis Drake - 1577 So this is what we woke up to this Sunday morning . . . . . about 2 inches of SNOW . . . . . Blech ! Now dont get me wrong , I dont mind the first snow storm of the season but hello , it isnt even the season for snow yet ! It is still Fall . . . . Autumn . . . . . time for changing and falling leaves , the smell of winter COMING . I feel like I just got jipped out of half of my favorite season . Im sure it will all melt and warmer temps will prevail for a little longer but I was a little bummed this morning . This little snippet slide show is of Addison showing off her new dress and tights . She is already very excited about wearing new clothes ( uh - oh ) and was prancing around here like a princess this morning . I took a few pictures and she was more than happy to oblige in posing for me . Lastly , here is a picture of me and my girlie taken by Evan . Hope you all had a nice Sunday . . . . we enjoyed ours in spite of the weather . . . . . Ian 's school put on their version of American Idol today . They do this every year and this is the first time I have ever been to one . Ian has been working hard on the song that his class performed . It was a song called " Be Nice to Your Brother " ( meaning mankind ) . The song was done with an African music background and I have to say it was really cute . I took pictures but ended up being too far away to really get any good shots . . . . I should have video recorded it , duh . I guess I will remember to do that for the next one . I cried like a baby too . . . . good thing Ian couldnt see me ! The mom next to me patted my leg , she probably thought I was pretty pathetic . . Oh well , I cant help it ! I love my kids so much and watching them put their hearts into something so sweet is just too much for this mom . Ive been an emotional wreck all week anyway . . . . maybe its because Ian is about to turn 8 and he has had a rough week at school himself . He inherited his mothers tendency to talk a lot and has gotten into trouble a bit this week . His teacher has had to isolate him from the rest of the class at his own table to help him focus . I can remember many report cards coming home from my teachers with comments about how I talk to my friends too much . " she is too social " , " she doesnt focus on school because friends are more important " . . . etc etc . Anyway , Ian is a lot like me in this regard so I am trying to help him the best I can . Seeing him up there today singing his heart out with his class , well , I just love him so much . . . . . Okay enough . Posted by Evan finally gave up his other front tooth . Not without a fight though . . . . . as you can see by the red ears and the tear drop on one cheek . Poor baby . . . . . . he looks so cute like this dont you think ? I think he is going to have humongous teeth by the looks of that gap ! We 'll soon find out . . . . . This weekend was General Conference for our church . What a perfect weekend for it too with all the rain ! I guess it wasnt much fun for the people who actually traveled downtown to watch it in person . . . . but for the rest , it was an even better excuse to stay in . Unfortunately it is difficult to watch conference in a home with little kids . I am not one to make them watch it either and so thank heavens for DVR machines ! Ian asked me today though why we werent watching it . . . . oops . . . . I told him I recorded it to watch later and he asked if he could watch it with me . Wow . Didnt see that coming ! I did watch a talk or two today and was excited to see my aunt and uncle standing right next to each other in the choir ! That made it easy to find them while they were singing . . . . . We decorated the house for Halloween this weekend . Thats always fun . I added a couple of new things this year much to kids excitement . I figure by the time they are teenagers I will have enough stuff to make the house look really cool . . . . . . and then they probably wont give a hoot about it . Oh well . . . . I love the smell of Fall . Especially after a good rain storm . . . . . it is such a nostalgic time of year for me . Of course we were left with snow in the mountains . . . . . Winter is not far away . This is our neighbors cat Conan . . . . . this cat is so cool . I love kittys but Ian is so allergic the we cant have one so I decided I am adopting this one . He spends most of his time in our yard anyway . . . . much to Denvers dismay . He is such a cuddly cat and loves attention which is odd for a cat . Addison loves her " neow " . . . . . . The cat is nearly as big as she is but he lets her maul him and that is what I love to watch . . . . . After my choir rehearsal last night , I came home to find that one of Evan 's front teeth had been pulled . Im not sure how Denver managed it other than Evan did promise me he would let dad pull it . . . . . the other one is coming out tonight so Evan will have both front teeth missing . That should be fun ! Ian 's came out one at a time and one had grown back before the Posted by The boys are close in age so we have teeth comin out all over the place . If you know me then you know how much I cannot stand teeth . I tried very unsuccessfully to pull Ian 's first tooth . . . . . yeah . . . . . couldnt do it . It grosses me out so much . Right now Im sitting here listening to Denver beg , coax , and plead Evan into letting him pull his front tooth . It has been loose for some time and is turning grey , in fact both of them are ready to come out . Evan is hyperventilating . Denver pulled Ian 's tooth already this evening and let me tell you about the drama ! Wow . You would have thought Denver was trying to pull every single tooth out of Ian 's head the way he was going on . When he finally got a hold of it and pulled it out , Ian didnt even believe him that he had done it . That is how much it didnt hurt . He accused Denver of using a piece of toilet paper as the tooth . . . . . . Unfortunately as I sit back down to finish this little post , Evan is sleeping peacefully with both front teeth still intact , albeit barely holding on . We could not convince him to part with them just yet . . . . . maybe tomorrow . I 'll post pictures of their toothless wonder whenever it actually happens : ) Not much happening around here these days besides work , school , more work , more school . So , I thought I would give some little updates on each person . Denver : is currently in his 2nd class at University of Phoenix . He transferred there this fall from Westminster in order to finish school quicker and also because he only has to attend class one night a week . He is taking Business Law and it looks like it will be a bit more involved than past classes . He is still working at Boeing , however he works in a different area now . Rather than building parts , he is in the Quality department which I can only assume means checking parts that other people built . He is trying to move around and gain as much knowledge as possible to better prepare himself for management in the near future . . . . . that is of course if he manages to keep his job through this strike . You may or may not know that Boeing in Seattle is currently on strike . I find the whole thing greedy and disgusting and I wish Boeing would just fire all of them . They dont care about how the strike affects the rest of the company just as long as they get more money . Sick . Especially considering the current state of our economy . Boeing already gives its employees so much more than most in this country . Ingrates . . . . every one of them . Anyway , it looks like if the strike continues past another 2 weeks , they will be cutting everyones hours down to 3 days a week which is going to kill us financially . I pray that the strike will be resolved soon . . . . . . . Ian : Ian is in the 2nd grade and doing well . He likes his new teacher because " she never yells " . . . . . I suppose thats a good thing ! He is currently reading one of the Harry Potter novels which is a 5th grade reading level . He is an awesome reader / speller . . . gets that from his mom : ) He is still on chess club for the 3rd year in a row although I think it is more of a social thing . He doesnt seem to take it very seriously and surprisingly , this kid did not inherit his parents ' competitive gene . Not that it is a bad thing . . . . He strugglesPosted by
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Gabi had called the girl in front of us Crina . The last time I had seen her , she had been a small blind girl , with flowers blooming from her eyes . But the being in front of me was not a little girl anymore , and her eyes were empty . She was looking at me . She had no eyes to see with , but I still felt that she was looking at me : a powerful tingle of perception seemed to pass between the two of us . My new body trembled from it . She smelled very much like the sickly - sweet white grove , perhaps because she was wearing a shift made of stitched - together leaves . But the leaves were red and alive , and part of me wondered if they were growing right out of her body . Because she was a fadua like me - me , with my arms still full of the stubborn vine growing out of my navel . " I see you , little one , " she said to me . It should have been a ridiculous statement , since she was so much shorter than I was , and still so very young - looking , and very blind , but I did not feel like laughing . I felt chilled , and when she began to walk towards me , found myself frozen in place . Pascha and Gabi were between her and I . But Pascha , with a frail - sounding whine , immediately stepped to one side as she came close . All of the light seemed to have gone out of him , so that amongst the shining white trees around us he was a dark , human - shaped blot . His face was full of fear . Crina stopped , as confusion welled up inside me . Now she was not Crina ? But - no , somehow , even though she was so different , I felt fairly sure that she was Crina … But why was I so certain ? " What did you do to her ? " I demanded , pulling Gabi up closer to me . She was so solid and heavy my arms shook . She did not resist . Crina slowly turned her head in his direction , and he ducked back with a whimper . My fingers were squeezing Gabi 's shoulders . " No , " I said , my lips feeling numb and heavy , like I had already forgotten how to use them . " But you are Crina . Are you not ? " She turned back to look at me , and I shivered at the sight of her empty pits . " Yes , " she said , " that is a name they called me . But I was not whole then . " She paused , and then a slow realization dawned upon her face . " Why … we have met before , you and I , haven 't we ? I remember your voice . And this one . " She pointed to Gabi , still prone in my arms . " I do not understand , " I said . The heat from Gabi 's body was sinking into my chest , the weight of her making my legs ache and tingle . I could feel the faint throb of her pulse . I thought I saw her eyes flicker . " Neither do I , " said Crina , with a smile that was sweetly sad . " She did not tell me about you . She did not tell me she had made a child of her own . " " Yes , " said Crina , " yes , I think she fears you as well . You are everything she has forbidden herself . Free will … " Suddenly she stretched her arm out , and traced the line of my brow with her fingertips . I did not move . Her touch was barely perceptible , even with my new , stronger senses . " I don 't understand , " I managed to say . " Neither do I , " she said again . " This body you have … a strange power binds you to it . " She picked up a loop of the vine that protruded from my stomach , and suddenly a queasy feeling passed through me , and I covered my mouth with one hand . " Bones … " murmured Crina , tracing her way down the vine 's length towards my navel , " clay , flesh , and blood … " She looked down at Gabi , still prone in my lap . " So strange … a golem should not move from one vessel to another . And yet , you have succeeded … almost . " Gabi made a bewildered noise , but I knew exactly what she was talking about . The place where my bare legs ( now prickling and sparking from taking Gabi 's sustained weight ) touched the soil felt … cold . And nothing else . Try as I might , in this body there was no extension from myself into the earth , no connection with the great web I knew lay just beneath us all . " Flesh , " she said , " is a barrier and a compromise . Your red companion knows this … " She paused , looked at the dark , quivering blot that was Pascha , “… or at least , he once did . Someone has wrapped the poor thing up in spider - silk so fine , I doubt he can even feel it . " " Is that what you meant when you said you weren 't whole before ? " I asked . " That you … no , I still do not understand . " " A piece , " said Pascha , looking at Crina , and then his own hand . " It 's only a piece of the whole thing . That isn 't really what it looks like . When I saw the real one , it was like a great … big … " He hesitated . " Tree … " " A tree ? " said Gabi . She tried to pull herself up onto her elbows , making me wince : it hurt when she poked into my thighs . " A tree ? ! You went screaming through the woods in a panic over a tree ? ! " Crina spread her hands in a who - knows ? gesture . She did not seem very interested in our speculation about her . On the contrary , she was still staring intently at me . She had not let go of my vine . I felt it like a reminder , a little clutching feeling in my too - solid stomach . Suddenly she rose to her feet , the vine playing out through her fingers . Gabi went stiff on my legs , one hand reaching back to grasp my wrist . Her circling fingers , though they did not touch , felt strong as an iron band . " Adamina reminds me of the work we must do , " she said , and lightly released my vine . It hit the ground as I exhaled with relief . " I cannot keep my attention here … not now . " " That , " she said , pointing to the wrapped - up bush , forgotten on the ground beside me , " belongs in the earth . You mustn 't remove it from this forest . If you do … " She caught my gaze with her empty eyes in a long stare , " I shall come fetch it back . " My new tongue , which had already seemed too thick , now seemed immovable ; I could not respond to this . Gabi and Pascha , too , stayed silent . Though Crina had done nothing to suggest it , I think that all three of us were suddenly quite aware that she was , truly , the Mother Forest that we had fled and feared this entire time . The Mother Forest who had destroyed entire villages , that commanded an army of clay golems , and that the great Baba Yaga found threatening enough to confront . " Autumn wanes , " she said , in a soft voice , head cocked as though she were listening to something . " Winter comes soon . My forest is hungry . " She gave a strange shiver , the leaves bound around her body crackling , and then seemed to fade away . Gabi gave a little cry of surprise , clutching my wrist tight again . Where Crina had been standing was instead the slender trunk of a white tree , with red leaves fluttering down from the canopy , and one dark , open knot where her left eye had been . " We 're trapped , " he said , slumping into a squat , with his head hanging low . " Did you see that ? A tree , I told you . Any one of these trees , she could be watching from . " " So what if she can ? " Gabi countered , finally pushing herself off of my aching legs . She put one hand to her chest with a grimace . " Even so - I can 't claim to like it , but she didn 't say she was going to do anything to us . She didn 't ask us to do anything for her , either , which is a sight better than most witches I 've dealt with … " " Fool , " snapped Pascha , raising his head enough to glare at her . " Why ask us to do anything ? As far as she 's concerned , we 're already her servants . Or her sacrifices ! " " Gabi is right , " I spoke , feeling a little strange as I said it . " I do not think she cares about what either one of you does . I do not think that she would even care if you left the forest . " " It doesn 't have to be , " Gabi argued , shaking her head . " Each time Mother Forest plants her seeds in a village - and we know it must have been more than once - she sends out a fadua , unattached ! She must be the key to all of it . " Gabi made a frustrated sound and rose to her feet , scuffing her bare toes in the dirt . I supposed that meant that she had no answer to offer . I had none , either , and my legs ached . Pain was distracting , and so was the heaviness seeping through my body , especially my head : I think that it might have been weariness . " Hmm , " said Pascha . I thought I glimpsed a flicker of violet behind his brown eyes . " It doesn 't matter . I 'm bound to go where you do , until my mistress calls for my return . " It was a statement that was bolder than I felt . Perhaps Gabi noticed this , for she frowned , and then offered me her hand . When I took it , clasping her warm palm with my fingers , she tried to tug me up , and staggered . I blinked several times , feeling my eyes moisten , and tried to push myself up off the dirt . But my arms twitched hopelessly : I was trying too hard again , and I had lost the rhythm of it . My muscles spasmed in jerks as I tried to force them to obey my commands . " Stop that , " Gabi was saying , a worried look now crossing her face as she knelt to grasp both my arms . Her eyes trailed down the length of my vine , to the crumpled , uprooted bush . I grasped the source of her anxiety , and felt it seep into me as well . How long would the bush survive , kept out of the earth ? " Oi , you , move aside , " said Pascha , and suddenly his hot hands grasped me beneath my shoulders and jerked me powerfully up . I was so startled that I lost all tension in my body , and hung limply in his grasp for a moment before he set me on my feet . Gabi grabbed me from the front before I fell over . " I am sorry ! " I exclaimed , clumsily grasping Gabi 's shoulders to push myself off of her . She emerged looking rather cross - eyed and dazed . My weight went back to my heels , and just like that I had control of myself again . I took a careful step back from her , feeling jittery tingles travel up and down my legs . Pascha laid one elbow on my left shoulder , and scoffed . " She 's on her feet , isn 't she ? And no , I haven 't got any shame at all . Whatever gave you the perception that I had ? " So saying this , he reached out and cupped my left breast in one hand , giving Gabi a mocking wink . I moved away - more from the startling heat of his touch than anything else - but Gabi 's eyes widened as if he had inflicted some terrible injury on me , and slapped his face . Sparks of bright light flew from his cheeks . " Gabi ! " I grabbed her arm , as she started towards him ( he was backing away quite rapidly ) . " Please do not start a fight with him , he is only provoking you , and I am not bothered . " " You don 't know enough to be bothered ! " she snapped , trying to wriggle out of my grasp . " You don 't know ! You can 't just let a person - you can 't ! " It occurred to me , as Gabi 's eyes flashed for a moment with residual anger , that perhaps I had been wrong - perhaps it was not Gabi he had been trying to provoke , but me . I looked across at him , and he met my gaze : the look in his eyes reminded me of the first walk we had taken together , into the dragon 's lair . Then as now I was being tested . She ignored my weak protests and managed to get both of my arms through the right holes . At first it seemed that it would not be able to get over my shoulders at all , since they were much broader than hers were , but somehow they fit , and the vest , though open , still managed to hang so that it covered my breasts . I suppose that was because it was magic . I moved my shoulders back and forth a little , testing the feel of the soft fabric . It was strange , how the feeling of it touching my skin seemed to disappear when I did not think about it , yet come back if I did . I had not known that a sense could go away and come back like that - but come to think of it , without my realizing it , my legs had stopped prickling and aching , and my head had grown less heavy and tired now that I was standing up . Perhaps flesh could only feel things for so long . I frowned , wondering if I should argue more - it was my body , after all , not hers - but I think by then I was only being stubborn for the sake of being stubborn . I braced myself on her shoulder and stepped into the skirt . It , too , fit me comfortably , and as soon as it was around my waist Gabi gave a long sigh . I supposed she was not speaking to him now , for she walked by him and pointedly did not look in his direction . Pascha did not seem to care very much at all , though . He picked up my bush in his arms , and trailed after the two of us from a short distance . Walking beside Gabi , in my bare feet over the forest floor , was such a strange thing . I think that under other circumstances , I would have been very focused on the way leaves crunched underneath my heels , and the sharp points of little sticks , the wet squish of mud , the tickle of a breeze against my neck - but for the moment all I could really feel was her hand grasping mine . It was warm , very warm against my cold fingers , which I had not known had been cold until a moment ago . She was gripping me tightly , yet her hand was still smaller than mine , and when I looked at the place where we were joined , her fingers only barely peeped around the sides of my palm . I do not know why it felt so strange . I had walked alongside Gabi like this before , when I was a golem ( though most of the time on our travels , one of us had carried the other ) . It was true that now I had flesh that could feel a vast world of sensations , but it was not as though as a golem my senses had not worked at all . It should not have been so different - feeling . Yet as I walked beside Gabi , holding her warm hand , stepping over sticks and mushrooms as she did , feeling the push and pull of my own breath in my chest , it felt … It felt … Perhaps Gabi had not been entirely unjust in treating me differently in my new body . Something had certainly changed besides my senses . Or perhaps it was because of my new senses that something had changed . Palm to palm , there was a sense of closeness I had never felt before . As a golem , I had been a clay barrier surrounding the hollow space that was truly me ; now , it was as though I had been turned out , and that hollow space was forced to touch the world . And Gabi . I think that we were going quite slowly for my sake , for I stumbled often over obstacles , especially now with Gabi 's skirt on . And there were several times when I had to stop and rest . Each time Gabi let go of my hand and fussed over me , asking if I needed to sleep , or if I was hungry . Each time after I had rested a little while , she would take my hand again and we would move on , walking slowly . I found that I was rather … not quite happy , but pleased , somehow , with the way things were going . If I were my golem self we would have made it in a quarter of the time . If I were my golem self , I would have not enjoyed the mere act of walking , of feeling and seeing and smelling and hearing things in the forest . And Gabi . If I were a golem , I think that I would have wanted to fill the quiet air with chatter , to pull words out of her in any way that I could . But with flesh , I did not need words to know that she was beside me . So strange . The light was going dim as the sun went down . We had passed out of the fadua grove , and the white trees had petered out and given way to ordinary ones , beeches and firs and oaks , and the scent had shifted from sickly - sweet to the dull , earthy scent of pine and cedar and rotten leaves . Twilight pierced the canopy with orange shafts , and I held out one hand to watch the shadows play over my fingers as we passed . " We better rest for the night , " came a voice from behind us , and I jumped - I had completely forgotten about Pascha . But he was there , still holding my bush , and since he had stopped , I had to as well . Gabi 's brow , which had softened during our long walk , immediately furrowed again . " Why ? " I asked , turning halfway around , still linked tight to Gabi 's hand . " If it is the night , Gabi will be able to move better . " " Perhaps you 've forgotten , O strigoi , " he said , " but nights are generally colder than days , particularly if one is dressed lightly . I don 't think Kezia will be able to move comfortably much longer . We had better turn our attention to finding her some shelter . " " The stupid horse is right about that ; it 's going to get too cold for you . I keep forgetting it 's autumn now - time has passed much too quickly . " She scowled and plucked an orange leaf from a branch in front of her , and then crumpled it in her fist . " It felt warm as spring in that grove before , but I suspect the nights out here will be different . " " Deep in this forest , the seasons don 't seem to change , " said Pascha . He was beginning to acquire a very faint glow , the same orange as the twilight around us . " Even here , it isn 't so much like the outside world . It 's nearly winter , you know . " " And out there , the leaves have nearly all fallen , " said Pascha . He raised his nose to sniff at the air , and then set my bush down on the ground . " It 's as though the forest is fighting the change . " " Mother Forest wants this forest to expand , " said Pascha . " As much as it will . Perhaps that is why she has only shown herself now , when the winter is about to shut it all down . " " I think we should find somewhere where the ground solid , and get her warm , " said Pascha , jerking his head in my direction . I pressed my lips together ; I had hoped nobody would notice that I was starting to shiver . It was just a little bit cold . Unfortunately , even though I had explained that I wanted to keep moving , Gabi and Pascha both agreed that we should rest for the night . For some reason the sense of urgency had left both of them . Not that I had been feeling it very strongly myself , but to stop and wait for so many hours seemed like a waste of time , now that we had got going . But Gabi had my hand and Pascha had my bush , leaving me very much subject to their whims . Gabi changed into a bird and went to scout about for any sign of shelter , but the best she could find nearby was a gap between two pine trees carpeted on old needles . The branches interlocked tightly above us , though we all had to crouch in the narrow space . Pascha lit a little fire in his hands , which I nearly touched before Gabi grabbed my arm and gave me a warning look . I did not remember falling asleep , but I suppose that is the normal way of things . When I woke up , it was very dark , and there was something warm and soft in my arms . I blinked , and my eyes adjusted , and found a dim source of light - Pascha , lying down horse - shaped . His eyes were closed . I looked down and discovered that the thing in my arms was a small red - furred dog , and hugged it a little closer . The dog snuffled but did not wake up . I went rigid . A sensation I had never felt before passed down the length of my spine , like feeling cold but worse . There was a tiny voice in the night . Outside , I shivered : in the semi - enclosed space , it had been quite warm from Pascha 's horse body and the little dog radiating heat against my chest . Now I understood what they had meant when they said that the night was cold : it was frigid . I was shaking already . There was no way I could have walked far in this . My shaking arms could not support Gabi 's weight anymore . I tried to let her down slowly , but she slipped out of my grasp and landed with a thump on her back . With a growwff ! her eyes shot open and she twisted to her feet . Writer , ethology enthusiast , axolotl herder . Might possibly just be a Lasiurus cinereus that types with its thumbs . View all posts by Koryos → Bookmark the permalink . « Note About Earthcast 2 Comments Shaydra January 11 , 2016 at 1 : 00 am I don 't think Crina ever had flowers blooming from her eyes ? Just dandelion - esque puff seeds . Pascha 's more of an ass than a horse , geez . Dog ! Gabi made me d ' aaaw and also wonder where Noroc went . Reply Leave a Reply Cancel reply Your email address will not be published . Required fields are marked * Comment Name * Email * Website Notify me of follow - up comments by email . Notify me of new posts by email . Search
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7 : 48pm , I was heading towards the pharmacy aisle in the Supermarket when my phone rang . It was Mum 's Care Home . I 'd already had a couple of updates on Mum 's condition since Mum was discharged from Hospital , so I wasn 't overly alarmed . I felt numb and very , very calm , as is my custom in a crisis . It 's a practical trait but I always feel self - conscious about how cold it might appear to others . I told ' H ' that I needed a moment to collect my thoughts . I told her that I was very sorry , since she was obviously so upset . I asked her what she thought I should do . She told me to wait and that she would ring again when they had news , maybe in 10 minutes . I walked home and then rang the Care Home to tell them that I was going to drive over . ' H ' told me that the Paramedics had ceased their attempts to resuscitate Mum . I asked her what the procedure was now and she explained that the Police would have to be called , since this was classed as a sudden unexplained death . Then the Undertakers would take Mum to the Hospital . ' H ' sat me down and warned me that I would find Mum still intubated ( as an avid viewer of hospital dramas , I had anticipated this ) . Once I was ready , we entered Mum 's bedroom . The radio on her bedside table was tuned to Classic FM , and they were playing the Adagietto from Mahler 's 5th Symphony , the piece used for the movie " Death in Venice " . I thought the radio was a lovely gesture . Mum was there in bed , sort of . I find I 'm having trouble these days recognising faces , and Mum 's face looked smaller and most unfamiliar . She looked like a bit like a waxwork , but with an unconvincing blue / grey pallor . As I reached the end of the bed , I thought she 'd opened an eye at me and was conscious , but it was just that one of her eyelids was slightly open , and my change of angle had made this look like it had just happened . Once alone , I sat closer to Mum and tried to talk to her . I stumbled over a few clichés about hoping that she was at peace now , and so on . Then I wanted to feel whether she was cold and I placed a hand on her forehead . The top of her head didn 't feel cold , but maybe the forehead was slightly colder than it ought to be … I wasn 't sure . I took some photos of Mum lying there . It felt horribly wrong , but I knew I wasn 't quite " in the moment " and that I would need to see her again to absorb this . Then I pulled back the cover slightly and reached for her right hand and took it in mine , manipulating her fingers so that we were clasping each other 's hands . I don 't recall what I said then , but it felt more honest and meaningful . I put her hand back just as ' H ' returned to tell me that the Undertakers had arrived . She tactfully suggested that I leave them to their work , and I guessed that Mum might have voided her bowels or something in the hours since death and that ' H ' was kindly trying to preserve my last memory of her . I went back to the Lounge and answered the Police Officer 's questions . Before long , the Undertakers were wheeling their trolley back through the Lounge with Mum in a body bag . I could make out the place where the material was tight over Mum 's nose - a surreal moment trying to determine the contours of my Mother 's face through polyester . Then she was gone . I am in shock , I think . I am still feeling very calm and I 've been able to say some very rational things to the people here about how it 's comforting to know that Mum died quickly " at home " and without suffering a long - drawn out death in Hospital . I know she was glad to be back in familiar surroundings and that she died sitting in the chair by her window , where she always told me that she enjoyed listening to the birds outside . I just wish I 'd been perceptive enough to see this coming , that I 'd consciously said my goodbyes to Mum whilst she was alive , if that makes any sense . Perhaps I 'm calm because I 've already done my grieving for Mum . Over the past 3 years I 've come to terms with her loss because her Self , her deliberate Self , the Mother I knew , was already gone . I took guardianship of the helpless , happy , loving , child who took her place for a time . And doing that forced me to grow up a little . It forced me to give something back . It helped me adjust my opinion of myself just a little bit to the positive . I did some good things for Mum and gave her peace of mind and security and care when she needed it . And that gives me some peace of mind , too . I know I 'm going to be reading this post over and over for the next few days . It touches me so deeply for oh so many reasons . I shall be thinking of you and wishing you peace and comfort through this final journey . Take good care of yourself Greg , you were / are a good son x So , so difficult , Greg . I am so sincerely sorry . I can relate to a great deal of this , as it immediately took me back to being with my grandfather , my favorite person , when he died . I wish I had your number or could drive myself to your place right this second . Best I don 't and can 't , I 'm sure , but I wish I could . You 've grieved for a long time - clearly . And you did a great deal of good for her . That is also clear . Take comfort , my friend . Lots of love to you . Thank you , both . I do , indeed , take comfort that I made a lot of good decisions for Mum and provided what she needed for the last few years of her happy life . I think I 've said all I can within the post here ( for once ) , but I 'm grateful for your messages . Thank you for being with me on the journey . It has meant a lot to me to have your support and insight . G x Hi Greg , I will also be reading this post over & over again . I 'm so sorry for your loss . I wish I could call you up or hug you too . I 'm crying for you , with my infant son sleeping beside me . You wouldn 't believe how hard I 'm crying for you . I feel like I know you since I 've been on this journey with you . Your posting took me back to the day that my mom passed and how I went to her and sat with her in her room and watched her be wheeled out later by the undertakers . Keep strong over the next while . . . it 's going to be hard , even though you 've been grieving for years . It will hit you very hard now & then . Know that you did your very best over the years and that your mom is at rest now , free from the horrible and cruel disease . Greg I have been calling almost every day to see how Mum is but I missed Monday . I am so sorry for your loss . She was blessed to have you care so much for her particularly in the last three years . What would those three years have been like without you watching out for her . Just take it slowly now and keep sharing your stories . They really do help others . Warm wishes Greg xx Greg , I echo the words of those before me . I have followed your blog via Trish and have always been touched by your loving care of your dear mum . My prayers and thoughts are with you now and over the next few weeks . HugsSheialgh GregI am so , so sorry for your loss . I don 't know what to say as I am sitting here crying for you . I have followed your journey for a few years now & have always been touched by how much you loved her & by how lovingly you cared for her . You have been a great son to her . Your stories have reached my heart & moved me to tears . Keep strong & may peaces be with you . HugsPablo Oh , Greg . I 've been away from most of my old blog friends for so long , and just started catching up the other day . I am so sorry to hear of your loss . It 's true , you have done a lot of grieving for so long , and it 's also true that you were a strong and loving force in the last years . You are in my thoughts and I send strength and hugs your way . Friends , thank you ALL for being with me on my journey - your company meant a lot to me , whether you were offering suggestions or sympathy , support or a simple " been there " . It always meant that I wasn 't alone in the situation , and that made even the worst of this journey tolerable . Please don 't cry - Mum went painlessly and quickly in the best of circumstances , back home in familiar surroundings . I couldn 't have asked for a better end for her . Greg , I just wanted to let you know that I 'm thinking of you . Yes , all the way over here in Canada , you 're on someone 's mind . I 've read this entry again this evening as I feel like I was in shock when I read it the other day . I wish I had taken photos of my mom when she passed . I know it might have felt horribly wrong but in some cultures , they take pictures at wakes ( my dad had pictures of his own mother at her wake ) . I also really " get " what you mean about your mom having the best possible ending . I always horrified myself by imagining really bad endings for my mom . . . I 'm good at self - torture . Like you mum , my mom had the best possible ending too , in familiar surroundings at her nursing home . She also left gracefully , quickly and quietly which is a true blessing . I hope you are doing ok . I 'm guessing you 've contacted your sister ? I hope her visit home goes alright . Hugs , citygirl Ah , CityMom . . . thank you . I hope you know how much I appreciated and was helped by what you had to say about your own journey with your Mom . Oh God , should I tell you about my Sister ? . . . . I tried to call her overseas as soon as I had the news but there was no answer . A day later I discovered by chance that they were visiting here in the UK and hadn 't told anyone that they 'd be here . So I called their UK mobile phone number and my Brother - in - Law eventually picked up . I said that I wanted to be the one to tell my Sister some very sad news about Mum , but I could hear my Sister in the background saying " I don 't WANT TO " . She hasn 't spoken to me or to my Mum in 6 years and it seems that even our Mother 's death doesn 't change anything . In the early days , I was hurt that I wasn 't getting even her emotional support in caring for Mum , then I spent a long time frightened for her ( thinking that she 'd feel awfully guilty if she didn 't reconcile with Mum in the time left ) . Now I just feel sickened and at the limit of my patience . Families , huh ? Greg for you own sanity just leave it . If she cannot feel then you can 't make her . She will have to live with this and you cannot be responsible for that . You have tried to make contact and " do the right thing " that is all you can do . Just relax in the knowledge that Mum had the one who was in a place to be able to care for her and she had the most loving care from you that was possible . Your sister may think she has left it too late to change her thoughts but believe me one day she will . We are all different - hope you are doing ok on this next chapter Greg and it is you who have given so much in your blog by your honesty and your ability to verbalise your emotions like I have never seen before . I hope you will continue xx Wow Greg . . . families indeed . . . that is awful that your sister wouldn 't take the phone . I cannot believe someone can be like that . I 'm sorry . I wish I could do something for you . Some families are impossible as I know all too well . I hope you are doing ok - just take care of your mom 's affairs and yourself . That is the last straw for your sister . Greg : My heart goes out to you . I just read your blog after missing several months . My mom died Aug 14 . I 've posted here as anonymous over the past several years . ( eg . . . . the shrinking window in the wall ) Your blog has been a tremendous comfort to me while caring for my mom . It helped knowing someone else would understand the weird and sometimes frightening circumstances that come up . She too had vascular dementia . Her passage took 9 years . They say her death was peaceful , but it didn 't feel that way to me . I was there and it was wrenching . Hospice helped her avoid the hospital . The hospice people were earth angels . Our experiences have echoed each other though we live on different sides of the globe . Thanks for the support your blog has given everyone going through this . I have no sibs . My partner is very supportive . . . but it wasn 't his mom . Your efforts have given much more than you realize . thank you . PT Dear PTI 'm sorry to hear that you lost your Mom this year . I remember your comments and that I found them helpful and inspiring . I feel both humble and grateful that you found some comfort having me along for the journey , too . Hopefully we can both look to the future now , knowing that we did what we could for our Mothers . I 'm glad you have a supportive partner with you . I want to thank everyone again for their comments and support over the past few years . I 'm not going to linger here too much . There are photos of Mum alive that I took only weeks ago when I had no idea that she was about to die , and it 's too hard to look at them just now . G Gerg , So sorry to hear about your mom ! Just remember she was so proud of you and you shouldn 't worry about your sister . . . sounds like a complete cow actually . How are you nieces taking it ? Are they like your sister ? Stay strong xxx Thank you , Anonymous : ) I 'm able to remind myself that I stepped up and took responsibility when I was needed , and that I took some decisions which ensured Mum was well cared for , safe and happy . She expressed her gratitude to me every time I saw her . It was scary to take charge , and a steep learning curve for me , but what seemed overwhelming at first became second - nature very soon . In many ways , Mum 's dependence was the making of me - it forced me to grow up in a way that I hadn 't before . As for my Sister , she has her own problems , pretty obviously , so I don 't want to dump on her . This is one of those situations where you cannot go backward and make amends and I fear for her in the future if she develops a conscience about what happened here . Similarly , though I have been lobbying to see her for the past few years , sending her personal and family items that I have unearthed , much of my hope and desire to restore things has left me now . In fact , I would find seeing her quite troubling at the moment . My Nieces are absolutely wonderfully sweet - natured and I really wish I saw more of them . The older one attended Mum 's funeral with me and was very supportive . Thank you for your thoughts I am so sorry . Take care . God Bless . I will have to go through this someday and I hope I can with such grace as you . Thank you for helping me . Greg , I 'm only a recent convert to your writings , and a newcomer to this thoughtfully - told tale . Let me offer belated , but heartfelt , condolence . Condolence not just for your mother 's death , but for the many other bereavements , large and small , that occurred over the years . There must have been times when you felt loss piled upon loss , griefs of every kind in constant succession . You wrote of your mother 's previous emotional distance , and how you simply would not allow the memory of it to derail you on this journey . Before he died , I confronted the same with my father - - from whom I copped a truckload of physical and emotional abuse - - and like you , found that the experience made an adult of me . No , scratch that . It made a man of me . My partner and I recently saw a retrospective of the Japanese photographer Nobuyoshi Araki , which included the famous sequence of photographs in which he meticulously documented his wife 's death from cancer thirty years ago . The images were brutal . But somehow , in acknowledging the brutality of death , utterly respectful . I am sure that no matter how ghoulish you may have felt photographing your mother at your last visit , it was a necessary act . We need to remember what the truth actually looks like , do we not ? THH Thank you , THH . As a former resident of Munich ( and , indeed , Tokyo ) with many fond memories , I have been very interested to read your blog for some time now . Today I find I 'm a lot less confident writing on this subject , so forgive me if I keep this short . I am pleased to find another topic we have in common and I am interested to read that you similarly felt you grew as a Man in dealing with your Father 's decline . I 'm sure you found that all the rules change when a relative succumbs to dementia and that there is no point in holding grudges , because the person with whom you 've struggled is gone . It is a bewildering process and I 'm glad I recorded it all as it happened . Most of these entries are just like those photographs I took at the end : I look back at them now to confirm that these events really took place . At times I worried about being disrespectful to my Mother by revealing too much , but those snapshots I was most challenged by ended up being those I 'm proudest of , and they usually got the strongest response from others . I didn 't feel able to pursue my dreams whilst my Mother was so dependent . Once her estate is settled I have no more excuses and I hope to settle my affairs here be on the road again . I 'll give you guys a shout if I 'm passing through Munich . Greg Thanks , Chris . I think you may be the first person to comment who actually knew Mum . Thank you so much for reading and for your kind words . I 've been pleased over the years that others have recognised and shared their own experiences . I 'm sure the ' convincing ' aspect comes from writing it all down as it happened . The uncertainty on my part is always a given . It was lovely to see you and your Mother again recentlyBest WishesGreg Dear GregI don 't know whether you ever revisit these pages . I came back to my own and in doing so , re - found you - and found also that your Mum had died so unexpectedly , heart - wrenchingly suddenly . After all that time , then - no time . No time at all . I 'm so sorry . I love the photo of your Mum and you as a little boy . Her eyes so full of joy , and how that resonates because I was lucky enough to see the same in my own mother 's eyes , and I hope that 's what my own two sons see in mine . I remember too , how you took your Mum to the make up department in a store to while away a happy hour or so of cosseting . How thoughtful you were , how caring . I hope your life has pieced itself together . I hope you are happy . We can never be the same again , I know , but perhaps we can keep the light still , somewhere , that light of having loved someone so much . I lost Mum too , last year . Not sure yet , if , I can write about it but I wouldn 't have changed looking after her for the world . Take care Greg . Tx Dear AnonymousThank you for commenting . Anything posted here is automatically forwarded to me by email . I do , occasionally , revisit in order to remind myself of the detail . I 've been writing and performing poems about Mum and her illness , and my evolving awareness of what was needed of me . I 've got 30 completed now and at least as many in progress . I 've been very pleased by the strong response that these poems receive whenever I 've performed them and I hope one day to publish , at which point I 'll add a post here with information as to how to get hold of the book . It 's a little over 3 years now since Mum died . Sometimes it feels like longer , sometimes it feels extremely recent . I 'm very sorry to hear of your loss and I 'm grateful to hear from you . Like you , I am glad I had the opportunity to care for my Mum . It gave me a chance to thank her and to be the Son I often doubted I could be , a better person , I hope . I understand when you say that you 're not sure about writing about your loss . I wrote this blog as a way of coping at the time , whilst also hoping that it would help others . Now , three years on , I find that a lot of the fine detail is missing from my memory and I 'm so glad I got it down before I forgot . Best wishesGreg x Oh Greg , so good of you to write & how lovely to hear back from you . Please do post about your poems . I would love to get a copy when you publish . It is the most extraordinary journey . I couldn 't sign in before - I had completely forgotten my password ! Tilly x
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7 : 48pm , I was heading towards the pharmacy aisle in the Supermarket when my phone rang . It was Mum 's Care Home . I 'd already had a couple of updates on Mum 's condition since Mum was discharged from Hospital , so I wasn 't overly alarmed . I felt numb and very , very calm , as is my custom in a crisis . It 's a practical trait but I always feel self - conscious about how cold it might appear to others . I told ' H ' that I needed a moment to collect my thoughts . I told her that I was very sorry , since she was obviously so upset . I asked her what she thought I should do . She told me to wait and that she would ring again when they had news , maybe in 10 minutes . I walked home and then rang the Care Home to tell them that I was going to drive over . ' H ' told me that the Paramedics had ceased their attempts to resuscitate Mum . I asked her what the procedure was now and she explained that the Police would have to be called , since this was classed as a sudden unexplained death . Then the Undertakers would take Mum to the Hospital . ' H ' sat me down and warned me that I would find Mum still intubated ( as an avid viewer of hospital dramas , I had anticipated this ) . Once I was ready , we entered Mum 's bedroom . The radio on her bedside table was tuned to Classic FM , and they were playing the Adagietto from Mahler 's 5th Symphony , the piece used for the movie " Death in Venice " . I thought the radio was a lovely gesture . Mum was there in bed , sort of . I find I 'm having trouble these days recognising faces , and Mum 's face looked smaller and most unfamiliar . She looked like a bit like a waxwork , but with an unconvincing blue / grey pallor . As I reached the end of the bed , I thought she 'd opened an eye at me and was conscious , but it was just that one of her eyelids was slightly open , and my change of angle had made this look like it had just happened . Once alone , I sat closer to Mum and tried to talk to her . I stumbled over a few clichés about hoping that she was at peace now , and so on . Then I wanted to feel whether she was cold and I placed a hand on her forehead . The top of her head didn 't feel cold , but maybe the forehead was slightly colder than it ought to be … I wasn 't sure . I took some photos of Mum lying there . It felt horribly wrong , but I knew I wasn 't quite " in the moment " and that I would need to see her again to absorb this . Then I pulled back the cover slightly and reached for her right hand and took it in mine , manipulating her fingers so that we were clasping each other 's hands . I don 't recall what I said then , but it felt more honest and meaningful . I put her hand back just as ' H ' returned to tell me that the Undertakers had arrived . She tactfully suggested that I leave them to their work , and I guessed that Mum might have voided her bowels or something in the hours since death and that ' H ' was kindly trying to preserve my last memory of her . I went back to the Lounge and answered the Police Officer 's questions . Before long , the Undertakers were wheeling their trolley back through the Lounge with Mum in a body bag . I could make out the place where the material was tight over Mum 's nose - a surreal moment trying to determine the contours of my Mother 's face through polyester . Then she was gone . I am in shock , I think . I am still feeling very calm and I 've been able to say some very rational things to the people here about how it 's comforting to know that Mum died quickly " at home " and without suffering a long - drawn out death in Hospital . I know she was glad to be back in familiar surroundings and that she died sitting in the chair by her window , where she always told me that she enjoyed listening to the birds outside . I just wish I 'd been perceptive enough to see this coming , that I 'd consciously said my goodbyes to Mum whilst she was alive , if that makes any sense . Perhaps I 'm calm because I 've already done my grieving for Mum . Over the past 3 years I 've come to terms with her loss because her Self , her deliberate Self , the Mother I knew , was already gone . I took guardianship of the helpless , happy , loving , child who took her place for a time . And doing that forced me to grow up a little . It forced me to give something back . It helped me adjust my opinion of myself just a little bit to the positive . I did some good things for Mum and gave her peace of mind and security and care when she needed it . And that gives me some peace of mind , too . I know I 'm going to be reading this post over and over for the next few days . It touches me so deeply for oh so many reasons . I shall be thinking of you and wishing you peace and comfort through this final journey . Take good care of yourself Greg , you were / are a good son x So , so difficult , Greg . I am so sincerely sorry . I can relate to a great deal of this , as it immediately took me back to being with my grandfather , my favorite person , when he died . I wish I had your number or could drive myself to your place right this second . Best I don 't and can 't , I 'm sure , but I wish I could . You 've grieved for a long time - clearly . And you did a great deal of good for her . That is also clear . Take comfort , my friend . Lots of love to you . Thank you , both . I do , indeed , take comfort that I made a lot of good decisions for Mum and provided what she needed for the last few years of her happy life . I think I 've said all I can within the post here ( for once ) , but I 'm grateful for your messages . Thank you for being with me on the journey . It has meant a lot to me to have your support and insight . G x Hi Greg , I will also be reading this post over & over again . I 'm so sorry for your loss . I wish I could call you up or hug you too . I 'm crying for you , with my infant son sleeping beside me . You wouldn 't believe how hard I 'm crying for you . I feel like I know you since I 've been on this journey with you . Your posting took me back to the day that my mom passed and how I went to her and sat with her in her room and watched her be wheeled out later by the undertakers . Keep strong over the next while . . . it 's going to be hard , even though you 've been grieving for years . It will hit you very hard now & then . Know that you did your very best over the years and that your mom is at rest now , free from the horrible and cruel disease . Greg I have been calling almost every day to see how Mum is but I missed Monday . I am so sorry for your loss . She was blessed to have you care so much for her particularly in the last three years . What would those three years have been like without you watching out for her . Just take it slowly now and keep sharing your stories . They really do help others . Warm wishes Greg xx Greg , I echo the words of those before me . I have followed your blog via Trish and have always been touched by your loving care of your dear mum . My prayers and thoughts are with you now and over the next few weeks . HugsSheialgh GregI am so , so sorry for your loss . I don 't know what to say as I am sitting here crying for you . I have followed your journey for a few years now & have always been touched by how much you loved her & by how lovingly you cared for her . You have been a great son to her . Your stories have reached my heart & moved me to tears . Keep strong & may peaces be with you . HugsPablo Oh , Greg . I 've been away from most of my old blog friends for so long , and just started catching up the other day . I am so sorry to hear of your loss . It 's true , you have done a lot of grieving for so long , and it 's also true that you were a strong and loving force in the last years . You are in my thoughts and I send strength and hugs your way . Friends , thank you ALL for being with me on my journey - your company meant a lot to me , whether you were offering suggestions or sympathy , support or a simple " been there " . It always meant that I wasn 't alone in the situation , and that made even the worst of this journey tolerable . Please don 't cry - Mum went painlessly and quickly in the best of circumstances , back home in familiar surroundings . I couldn 't have asked for a better end for her . Greg , I just wanted to let you know that I 'm thinking of you . Yes , all the way over here in Canada , you 're on someone 's mind . I 've read this entry again this evening as I feel like I was in shock when I read it the other day . I wish I had taken photos of my mom when she passed . I know it might have felt horribly wrong but in some cultures , they take pictures at wakes ( my dad had pictures of his own mother at her wake ) . I also really " get " what you mean about your mom having the best possible ending . I always horrified myself by imagining really bad endings for my mom . . . I 'm good at self - torture . Like you mum , my mom had the best possible ending too , in familiar surroundings at her nursing home . She also left gracefully , quickly and quietly which is a true blessing . I hope you are doing ok . I 'm guessing you 've contacted your sister ? I hope her visit home goes alright . Hugs , citygirl Ah , CityMom . . . thank you . I hope you know how much I appreciated and was helped by what you had to say about your own journey with your Mom . Oh God , should I tell you about my Sister ? . . . . I tried to call her overseas as soon as I had the news but there was no answer . A day later I discovered by chance that they were visiting here in the UK and hadn 't told anyone that they 'd be here . So I called their UK mobile phone number and my Brother - in - Law eventually picked up . I said that I wanted to be the one to tell my Sister some very sad news about Mum , but I could hear my Sister in the background saying " I don 't WANT TO " . She hasn 't spoken to me or to my Mum in 6 years and it seems that even our Mother 's death doesn 't change anything . In the early days , I was hurt that I wasn 't getting even her emotional support in caring for Mum , then I spent a long time frightened for her ( thinking that she 'd feel awfully guilty if she didn 't reconcile with Mum in the time left ) . Now I just feel sickened and at the limit of my patience . Families , huh ? Greg for you own sanity just leave it . If she cannot feel then you can 't make her . She will have to live with this and you cannot be responsible for that . You have tried to make contact and " do the right thing " that is all you can do . Just relax in the knowledge that Mum had the one who was in a place to be able to care for her and she had the most loving care from you that was possible . Your sister may think she has left it too late to change her thoughts but believe me one day she will . We are all different - hope you are doing ok on this next chapter Greg and it is you who have given so much in your blog by your honesty and your ability to verbalise your emotions like I have never seen before . I hope you will continue xx Wow Greg . . . families indeed . . . that is awful that your sister wouldn 't take the phone . I cannot believe someone can be like that . I 'm sorry . I wish I could do something for you . Some families are impossible as I know all too well . I hope you are doing ok - just take care of your mom 's affairs and yourself . That is the last straw for your sister . Greg : My heart goes out to you . I just read your blog after missing several months . My mom died Aug 14 . I 've posted here as anonymous over the past several years . ( eg . . . . the shrinking window in the wall ) Your blog has been a tremendous comfort to me while caring for my mom . It helped knowing someone else would understand the weird and sometimes frightening circumstances that come up . She too had vascular dementia . Her passage took 9 years . They say her death was peaceful , but it didn 't feel that way to me . I was there and it was wrenching . Hospice helped her avoid the hospital . The hospice people were earth angels . Our experiences have echoed each other though we live on different sides of the globe . Thanks for the support your blog has given everyone going through this . I have no sibs . My partner is very supportive . . . but it wasn 't his mom . Your efforts have given much more than you realize . thank you . PT Dear PTI 'm sorry to hear that you lost your Mom this year . I remember your comments and that I found them helpful and inspiring . I feel both humble and grateful that you found some comfort having me along for the journey , too . Hopefully we can both look to the future now , knowing that we did what we could for our Mothers . I 'm glad you have a supportive partner with you . I want to thank everyone again for their comments and support over the past few years . I 'm not going to linger here too much . There are photos of Mum alive that I took only weeks ago when I had no idea that she was about to die , and it 's too hard to look at them just now . G Gerg , So sorry to hear about your mom ! Just remember she was so proud of you and you shouldn 't worry about your sister . . . sounds like a complete cow actually . How are you nieces taking it ? Are they like your sister ? Stay strong xxx Thank you , Anonymous : ) I 'm able to remind myself that I stepped up and took responsibility when I was needed , and that I took some decisions which ensured Mum was well cared for , safe and happy . She expressed her gratitude to me every time I saw her . It was scary to take charge , and a steep learning curve for me , but what seemed overwhelming at first became second - nature very soon . In many ways , Mum 's dependence was the making of me - it forced me to grow up in a way that I hadn 't before . As for my Sister , she has her own problems , pretty obviously , so I don 't want to dump on her . This is one of those situations where you cannot go backward and make amends and I fear for her in the future if she develops a conscience about what happened here . Similarly , though I have been lobbying to see her for the past few years , sending her personal and family items that I have unearthed , much of my hope and desire to restore things has left me now . In fact , I would find seeing her quite troubling at the moment . My Nieces are absolutely wonderfully sweet - natured and I really wish I saw more of them . The older one attended Mum 's funeral with me and was very supportive . Thank you for your thoughts I am so sorry . Take care . God Bless . I will have to go through this someday and I hope I can with such grace as you . Thank you for helping me . Greg , I 'm only a recent convert to your writings , and a newcomer to this thoughtfully - told tale . Let me offer belated , but heartfelt , condolence . Condolence not just for your mother 's death , but for the many other bereavements , large and small , that occurred over the years . There must have been times when you felt loss piled upon loss , griefs of every kind in constant succession . You wrote of your mother 's previous emotional distance , and how you simply would not allow the memory of it to derail you on this journey . Before he died , I confronted the same with my father - - from whom I copped a truckload of physical and emotional abuse - - and like you , found that the experience made an adult of me . No , scratch that . It made a man of me . My partner and I recently saw a retrospective of the Japanese photographer Nobuyoshi Araki , which included the famous sequence of photographs in which he meticulously documented his wife 's death from cancer thirty years ago . The images were brutal . But somehow , in acknowledging the brutality of death , utterly respectful . I am sure that no matter how ghoulish you may have felt photographing your mother at your last visit , it was a necessary act . We need to remember what the truth actually looks like , do we not ? THH Thank you , THH . As a former resident of Munich ( and , indeed , Tokyo ) with many fond memories , I have been very interested to read your blog for some time now . Today I find I 'm a lot less confident writing on this subject , so forgive me if I keep this short . I am pleased to find another topic we have in common and I am interested to read that you similarly felt you grew as a Man in dealing with your Father 's decline . I 'm sure you found that all the rules change when a relative succumbs to dementia and that there is no point in holding grudges , because the person with whom you 've struggled is gone . It is a bewildering process and I 'm glad I recorded it all as it happened . Most of these entries are just like those photographs I took at the end : I look back at them now to confirm that these events really took place . At times I worried about being disrespectful to my Mother by revealing too much , but those snapshots I was most challenged by ended up being those I 'm proudest of , and they usually got the strongest response from others . I didn 't feel able to pursue my dreams whilst my Mother was so dependent . Once her estate is settled I have no more excuses and I hope to settle my affairs here be on the road again . I 'll give you guys a shout if I 'm passing through Munich . Greg Thanks , Chris . I think you may be the first person to comment who actually knew Mum . Thank you so much for reading and for your kind words . I 've been pleased over the years that others have recognised and shared their own experiences . I 'm sure the ' convincing ' aspect comes from writing it all down as it happened . The uncertainty on my part is always a given . It was lovely to see you and your Mother again recentlyBest WishesGreg Dear GregI don 't know whether you ever revisit these pages . I came back to my own and in doing so , re - found you - and found also that your Mum had died so unexpectedly , heart - wrenchingly suddenly . After all that time , then - no time . No time at all . I 'm so sorry . I love the photo of your Mum and you as a little boy . Her eyes so full of joy , and how that resonates because I was lucky enough to see the same in my own mother 's eyes , and I hope that 's what my own two sons see in mine . I remember too , how you took your Mum to the make up department in a store to while away a happy hour or so of cosseting . How thoughtful you were , how caring . I hope your life has pieced itself together . I hope you are happy . We can never be the same again , I know , but perhaps we can keep the light still , somewhere , that light of having loved someone so much . I lost Mum too , last year . Not sure yet , if , I can write about it but I wouldn 't have changed looking after her for the world . Take care Greg . Tx Dear AnonymousThank you for commenting . Anything posted here is automatically forwarded to me by email . I do , occasionally , revisit in order to remind myself of the detail . I 've been writing and performing poems about Mum and her illness , and my evolving awareness of what was needed of me . I 've got 30 completed now and at least as many in progress . I 've been very pleased by the strong response that these poems receive whenever I 've performed them and I hope one day to publish , at which point I 'll add a post here with information as to how to get hold of the book . It 's a little over 3 years now since Mum died . Sometimes it feels like longer , sometimes it feels extremely recent . I 'm very sorry to hear of your loss and I 'm grateful to hear from you . Like you , I am glad I had the opportunity to care for my Mum . It gave me a chance to thank her and to be the Son I often doubted I could be , a better person , I hope . I understand when you say that you 're not sure about writing about your loss . I wrote this blog as a way of coping at the time , whilst also hoping that it would help others . Now , three years on , I find that a lot of the fine detail is missing from my memory and I 'm so glad I got it down before I forgot . Best wishesGreg x Oh Greg , so good of you to write & how lovely to hear back from you . Please do post about your poems . I would love to get a copy when you publish . It is the most extraordinary journey . I couldn 't sign in before - I had completely forgotten my password ! Tilly x
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7 : 48pm , I was heading towards the pharmacy aisle in the Supermarket when my phone rang . It was Mum 's Care Home . I 'd already had a couple of updates on Mum 's condition since Mum was discharged from Hospital , so I wasn 't overly alarmed . I felt numb and very , very calm , as is my custom in a crisis . It 's a practical trait but I always feel self - conscious about how cold it might appear to others . I told ' H ' that I needed a moment to collect my thoughts . I told her that I was very sorry , since she was obviously so upset . I asked her what she thought I should do . She told me to wait and that she would ring again when they had news , maybe in 10 minutes . I walked home and then rang the Care Home to tell them that I was going to drive over . ' H ' told me that the Paramedics had ceased their attempts to resuscitate Mum . I asked her what the procedure was now and she explained that the Police would have to be called , since this was classed as a sudden unexplained death . Then the Undertakers would take Mum to the Hospital . ' H ' sat me down and warned me that I would find Mum still intubated ( as an avid viewer of hospital dramas , I had anticipated this ) . Once I was ready , we entered Mum 's bedroom . The radio on her bedside table was tuned to Classic FM , and they were playing the Adagietto from Mahler 's 5th Symphony , the piece used for the movie " Death in Venice " . I thought the radio was a lovely gesture . Mum was there in bed , sort of . I find I 'm having trouble these days recognising faces , and Mum 's face looked smaller and most unfamiliar . She looked like a bit like a waxwork , but with an unconvincing blue / grey pallor . As I reached the end of the bed , I thought she 'd opened an eye at me and was conscious , but it was just that one of her eyelids was slightly open , and my change of angle had made this look like it had just happened . Once alone , I sat closer to Mum and tried to talk to her . I stumbled over a few clichés about hoping that she was at peace now , and so on . Then I wanted to feel whether she was cold and I placed a hand on her forehead . The top of her head didn 't feel cold , but maybe the forehead was slightly colder than it ought to be … I wasn 't sure . I took some photos of Mum lying there . It felt horribly wrong , but I knew I wasn 't quite " in the moment " and that I would need to see her again to absorb this . Then I pulled back the cover slightly and reached for her right hand and took it in mine , manipulating her fingers so that we were clasping each other 's hands . I don 't recall what I said then , but it felt more honest and meaningful . I put her hand back just as ' H ' returned to tell me that the Undertakers had arrived . She tactfully suggested that I leave them to their work , and I guessed that Mum might have voided her bowels or something in the hours since death and that ' H ' was kindly trying to preserve my last memory of her . I went back to the Lounge and answered the Police Officer 's questions . Before long , the Undertakers were wheeling their trolley back through the Lounge with Mum in a body bag . I could make out the place where the material was tight over Mum 's nose - a surreal moment trying to determine the contours of my Mother 's face through polyester . Then she was gone . I am in shock , I think . I am still feeling very calm and I 've been able to say some very rational things to the people here about how it 's comforting to know that Mum died quickly " at home " and without suffering a long - drawn out death in Hospital . I know she was glad to be back in familiar surroundings and that she died sitting in the chair by her window , where she always told me that she enjoyed listening to the birds outside . I just wish I 'd been perceptive enough to see this coming , that I 'd consciously said my goodbyes to Mum whilst she was alive , if that makes any sense . Perhaps I 'm calm because I 've already done my grieving for Mum . Over the past 3 years I 've come to terms with her loss because her Self , her deliberate Self , the Mother I knew , was already gone . I took guardianship of the helpless , happy , loving , child who took her place for a time . And doing that forced me to grow up a little . It forced me to give something back . It helped me adjust my opinion of myself just a little bit to the positive . I did some good things for Mum and gave her peace of mind and security and care when she needed it . And that gives me some peace of mind , too . I know I 'm going to be reading this post over and over for the next few days . It touches me so deeply for oh so many reasons . I shall be thinking of you and wishing you peace and comfort through this final journey . Take good care of yourself Greg , you were / are a good son x So , so difficult , Greg . I am so sincerely sorry . I can relate to a great deal of this , as it immediately took me back to being with my grandfather , my favorite person , when he died . I wish I had your number or could drive myself to your place right this second . Best I don 't and can 't , I 'm sure , but I wish I could . You 've grieved for a long time - clearly . And you did a great deal of good for her . That is also clear . Take comfort , my friend . Lots of love to you . Thank you , both . I do , indeed , take comfort that I made a lot of good decisions for Mum and provided what she needed for the last few years of her happy life . I think I 've said all I can within the post here ( for once ) , but I 'm grateful for your messages . Thank you for being with me on the journey . It has meant a lot to me to have your support and insight . G x Hi Greg , I will also be reading this post over & over again . I 'm so sorry for your loss . I wish I could call you up or hug you too . I 'm crying for you , with my infant son sleeping beside me . You wouldn 't believe how hard I 'm crying for you . I feel like I know you since I 've been on this journey with you . Your posting took me back to the day that my mom passed and how I went to her and sat with her in her room and watched her be wheeled out later by the undertakers . Keep strong over the next while . . . it 's going to be hard , even though you 've been grieving for years . It will hit you very hard now & then . Know that you did your very best over the years and that your mom is at rest now , free from the horrible and cruel disease . Greg I have been calling almost every day to see how Mum is but I missed Monday . I am so sorry for your loss . She was blessed to have you care so much for her particularly in the last three years . What would those three years have been like without you watching out for her . Just take it slowly now and keep sharing your stories . They really do help others . Warm wishes Greg xx Greg , I echo the words of those before me . I have followed your blog via Trish and have always been touched by your loving care of your dear mum . My prayers and thoughts are with you now and over the next few weeks . HugsSheialgh GregI am so , so sorry for your loss . I don 't know what to say as I am sitting here crying for you . I have followed your journey for a few years now & have always been touched by how much you loved her & by how lovingly you cared for her . You have been a great son to her . Your stories have reached my heart & moved me to tears . Keep strong & may peaces be with you . HugsPablo Oh , Greg . I 've been away from most of my old blog friends for so long , and just started catching up the other day . I am so sorry to hear of your loss . It 's true , you have done a lot of grieving for so long , and it 's also true that you were a strong and loving force in the last years . You are in my thoughts and I send strength and hugs your way . Friends , thank you ALL for being with me on my journey - your company meant a lot to me , whether you were offering suggestions or sympathy , support or a simple " been there " . It always meant that I wasn 't alone in the situation , and that made even the worst of this journey tolerable . Please don 't cry - Mum went painlessly and quickly in the best of circumstances , back home in familiar surroundings . I couldn 't have asked for a better end for her . Greg , I just wanted to let you know that I 'm thinking of you . Yes , all the way over here in Canada , you 're on someone 's mind . I 've read this entry again this evening as I feel like I was in shock when I read it the other day . I wish I had taken photos of my mom when she passed . I know it might have felt horribly wrong but in some cultures , they take pictures at wakes ( my dad had pictures of his own mother at her wake ) . I also really " get " what you mean about your mom having the best possible ending . I always horrified myself by imagining really bad endings for my mom . . . I 'm good at self - torture . Like you mum , my mom had the best possible ending too , in familiar surroundings at her nursing home . She also left gracefully , quickly and quietly which is a true blessing . I hope you are doing ok . I 'm guessing you 've contacted your sister ? I hope her visit home goes alright . Hugs , citygirl Ah , CityMom . . . thank you . I hope you know how much I appreciated and was helped by what you had to say about your own journey with your Mom . Oh God , should I tell you about my Sister ? . . . . I tried to call her overseas as soon as I had the news but there was no answer . A day later I discovered by chance that they were visiting here in the UK and hadn 't told anyone that they 'd be here . So I called their UK mobile phone number and my Brother - in - Law eventually picked up . I said that I wanted to be the one to tell my Sister some very sad news about Mum , but I could hear my Sister in the background saying " I don 't WANT TO " . She hasn 't spoken to me or to my Mum in 6 years and it seems that even our Mother 's death doesn 't change anything . In the early days , I was hurt that I wasn 't getting even her emotional support in caring for Mum , then I spent a long time frightened for her ( thinking that she 'd feel awfully guilty if she didn 't reconcile with Mum in the time left ) . Now I just feel sickened and at the limit of my patience . Families , huh ? Greg for you own sanity just leave it . If she cannot feel then you can 't make her . She will have to live with this and you cannot be responsible for that . You have tried to make contact and " do the right thing " that is all you can do . Just relax in the knowledge that Mum had the one who was in a place to be able to care for her and she had the most loving care from you that was possible . Your sister may think she has left it too late to change her thoughts but believe me one day she will . We are all different - hope you are doing ok on this next chapter Greg and it is you who have given so much in your blog by your honesty and your ability to verbalise your emotions like I have never seen before . I hope you will continue xx Wow Greg . . . families indeed . . . that is awful that your sister wouldn 't take the phone . I cannot believe someone can be like that . I 'm sorry . I wish I could do something for you . Some families are impossible as I know all too well . I hope you are doing ok - just take care of your mom 's affairs and yourself . That is the last straw for your sister . Greg : My heart goes out to you . I just read your blog after missing several months . My mom died Aug 14 . I 've posted here as anonymous over the past several years . ( eg . . . . the shrinking window in the wall ) Your blog has been a tremendous comfort to me while caring for my mom . It helped knowing someone else would understand the weird and sometimes frightening circumstances that come up . She too had vascular dementia . Her passage took 9 years . They say her death was peaceful , but it didn 't feel that way to me . I was there and it was wrenching . Hospice helped her avoid the hospital . The hospice people were earth angels . Our experiences have echoed each other though we live on different sides of the globe . Thanks for the support your blog has given everyone going through this . I have no sibs . My partner is very supportive . . . but it wasn 't his mom . Your efforts have given much more than you realize . thank you . PT Dear PTI 'm sorry to hear that you lost your Mom this year . I remember your comments and that I found them helpful and inspiring . I feel both humble and grateful that you found some comfort having me along for the journey , too . Hopefully we can both look to the future now , knowing that we did what we could for our Mothers . I 'm glad you have a supportive partner with you . I want to thank everyone again for their comments and support over the past few years . I 'm not going to linger here too much . There are photos of Mum alive that I took only weeks ago when I had no idea that she was about to die , and it 's too hard to look at them just now . G Gerg , So sorry to hear about your mom ! Just remember she was so proud of you and you shouldn 't worry about your sister . . . sounds like a complete cow actually . How are you nieces taking it ? Are they like your sister ? Stay strong xxx Thank you , Anonymous : ) I 'm able to remind myself that I stepped up and took responsibility when I was needed , and that I took some decisions which ensured Mum was well cared for , safe and happy . She expressed her gratitude to me every time I saw her . It was scary to take charge , and a steep learning curve for me , but what seemed overwhelming at first became second - nature very soon . In many ways , Mum 's dependence was the making of me - it forced me to grow up in a way that I hadn 't before . As for my Sister , she has her own problems , pretty obviously , so I don 't want to dump on her . This is one of those situations where you cannot go backward and make amends and I fear for her in the future if she develops a conscience about what happened here . Similarly , though I have been lobbying to see her for the past few years , sending her personal and family items that I have unearthed , much of my hope and desire to restore things has left me now . In fact , I would find seeing her quite troubling at the moment . My Nieces are absolutely wonderfully sweet - natured and I really wish I saw more of them . The older one attended Mum 's funeral with me and was very supportive . Thank you for your thoughts I am so sorry . Take care . God Bless . I will have to go through this someday and I hope I can with such grace as you . Thank you for helping me . Greg , I 'm only a recent convert to your writings , and a newcomer to this thoughtfully - told tale . Let me offer belated , but heartfelt , condolence . Condolence not just for your mother 's death , but for the many other bereavements , large and small , that occurred over the years . There must have been times when you felt loss piled upon loss , griefs of every kind in constant succession . You wrote of your mother 's previous emotional distance , and how you simply would not allow the memory of it to derail you on this journey . Before he died , I confronted the same with my father - - from whom I copped a truckload of physical and emotional abuse - - and like you , found that the experience made an adult of me . No , scratch that . It made a man of me . My partner and I recently saw a retrospective of the Japanese photographer Nobuyoshi Araki , which included the famous sequence of photographs in which he meticulously documented his wife 's death from cancer thirty years ago . The images were brutal . But somehow , in acknowledging the brutality of death , utterly respectful . I am sure that no matter how ghoulish you may have felt photographing your mother at your last visit , it was a necessary act . We need to remember what the truth actually looks like , do we not ? THH Thank you , THH . As a former resident of Munich ( and , indeed , Tokyo ) with many fond memories , I have been very interested to read your blog for some time now . Today I find I 'm a lot less confident writing on this subject , so forgive me if I keep this short . I am pleased to find another topic we have in common and I am interested to read that you similarly felt you grew as a Man in dealing with your Father 's decline . I 'm sure you found that all the rules change when a relative succumbs to dementia and that there is no point in holding grudges , because the person with whom you 've struggled is gone . It is a bewildering process and I 'm glad I recorded it all as it happened . Most of these entries are just like those photographs I took at the end : I look back at them now to confirm that these events really took place . At times I worried about being disrespectful to my Mother by revealing too much , but those snapshots I was most challenged by ended up being those I 'm proudest of , and they usually got the strongest response from others . I didn 't feel able to pursue my dreams whilst my Mother was so dependent . Once her estate is settled I have no more excuses and I hope to settle my affairs here be on the road again . I 'll give you guys a shout if I 'm passing through Munich . Greg Thanks , Chris . I think you may be the first person to comment who actually knew Mum . Thank you so much for reading and for your kind words . I 've been pleased over the years that others have recognised and shared their own experiences . I 'm sure the ' convincing ' aspect comes from writing it all down as it happened . The uncertainty on my part is always a given . It was lovely to see you and your Mother again recentlyBest WishesGreg Dear GregI don 't know whether you ever revisit these pages . I came back to my own and in doing so , re - found you - and found also that your Mum had died so unexpectedly , heart - wrenchingly suddenly . After all that time , then - no time . No time at all . I 'm so sorry . I love the photo of your Mum and you as a little boy . Her eyes so full of joy , and how that resonates because I was lucky enough to see the same in my own mother 's eyes , and I hope that 's what my own two sons see in mine . I remember too , how you took your Mum to the make up department in a store to while away a happy hour or so of cosseting . How thoughtful you were , how caring . I hope your life has pieced itself together . I hope you are happy . We can never be the same again , I know , but perhaps we can keep the light still , somewhere , that light of having loved someone so much . I lost Mum too , last year . Not sure yet , if , I can write about it but I wouldn 't have changed looking after her for the world . Take care Greg . Tx Dear AnonymousThank you for commenting . Anything posted here is automatically forwarded to me by email . I do , occasionally , revisit in order to remind myself of the detail . I 've been writing and performing poems about Mum and her illness , and my evolving awareness of what was needed of me . I 've got 30 completed now and at least as many in progress . I 've been very pleased by the strong response that these poems receive whenever I 've performed them and I hope one day to publish , at which point I 'll add a post here with information as to how to get hold of the book . It 's a little over 3 years now since Mum died . Sometimes it feels like longer , sometimes it feels extremely recent . I 'm very sorry to hear of your loss and I 'm grateful to hear from you . Like you , I am glad I had the opportunity to care for my Mum . It gave me a chance to thank her and to be the Son I often doubted I could be , a better person , I hope . I understand when you say that you 're not sure about writing about your loss . I wrote this blog as a way of coping at the time , whilst also hoping that it would help others . Now , three years on , I find that a lot of the fine detail is missing from my memory and I 'm so glad I got it down before I forgot . Best wishesGreg x Oh Greg , so good of you to write & how lovely to hear back from you . Please do post about your poems . I would love to get a copy when you publish . It is the most extraordinary journey . I couldn 't sign in before - I had completely forgotten my password ! Tilly x
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7 : 48pm , I was heading towards the pharmacy aisle in the Supermarket when my phone rang . It was Mum 's Care Home . I 'd already had a couple of updates on Mum 's condition since Mum was discharged from Hospital , so I wasn 't overly alarmed . I felt numb and very , very calm , as is my custom in a crisis . It 's a practical trait but I always feel self - conscious about how cold it might appear to others . I told ' H ' that I needed a moment to collect my thoughts . I told her that I was very sorry , since she was obviously so upset . I asked her what she thought I should do . She told me to wait and that she would ring again when they had news , maybe in 10 minutes . I walked home and then rang the Care Home to tell them that I was going to drive over . ' H ' told me that the Paramedics had ceased their attempts to resuscitate Mum . I asked her what the procedure was now and she explained that the Police would have to be called , since this was classed as a sudden unexplained death . Then the Undertakers would take Mum to the Hospital . ' H ' sat me down and warned me that I would find Mum still intubated ( as an avid viewer of hospital dramas , I had anticipated this ) . Once I was ready , we entered Mum 's bedroom . The radio on her bedside table was tuned to Classic FM , and they were playing the Adagietto from Mahler 's 5th Symphony , the piece used for the movie " Death in Venice " . I thought the radio was a lovely gesture . Mum was there in bed , sort of . I find I 'm having trouble these days recognising faces , and Mum 's face looked smaller and most unfamiliar . She looked like a bit like a waxwork , but with an unconvincing blue / grey pallor . As I reached the end of the bed , I thought she 'd opened an eye at me and was conscious , but it was just that one of her eyelids was slightly open , and my change of angle had made this look like it had just happened . Once alone , I sat closer to Mum and tried to talk to her . I stumbled over a few clichés about hoping that she was at peace now , and so on . Then I wanted to feel whether she was cold and I placed a hand on her forehead . The top of her head didn 't feel cold , but maybe the forehead was slightly colder than it ought to be … I wasn 't sure . I took some photos of Mum lying there . It felt horribly wrong , but I knew I wasn 't quite " in the moment " and that I would need to see her again to absorb this . Then I pulled back the cover slightly and reached for her right hand and took it in mine , manipulating her fingers so that we were clasping each other 's hands . I don 't recall what I said then , but it felt more honest and meaningful . I put her hand back just as ' H ' returned to tell me that the Undertakers had arrived . She tactfully suggested that I leave them to their work , and I guessed that Mum might have voided her bowels or something in the hours since death and that ' H ' was kindly trying to preserve my last memory of her . I went back to the Lounge and answered the Police Officer 's questions . Before long , the Undertakers were wheeling their trolley back through the Lounge with Mum in a body bag . I could make out the place where the material was tight over Mum 's nose - a surreal moment trying to determine the contours of my Mother 's face through polyester . Then she was gone . I am in shock , I think . I am still feeling very calm and I 've been able to say some very rational things to the people here about how it 's comforting to know that Mum died quickly " at home " and without suffering a long - drawn out death in Hospital . I know she was glad to be back in familiar surroundings and that she died sitting in the chair by her window , where she always told me that she enjoyed listening to the birds outside . I just wish I 'd been perceptive enough to see this coming , that I 'd consciously said my goodbyes to Mum whilst she was alive , if that makes any sense . Perhaps I 'm calm because I 've already done my grieving for Mum . Over the past 3 years I 've come to terms with her loss because her Self , her deliberate Self , the Mother I knew , was already gone . I took guardianship of the helpless , happy , loving , child who took her place for a time . And doing that forced me to grow up a little . It forced me to give something back . It helped me adjust my opinion of myself just a little bit to the positive . I did some good things for Mum and gave her peace of mind and security and care when she needed it . And that gives me some peace of mind , too . I know I 'm going to be reading this post over and over for the next few days . It touches me so deeply for oh so many reasons . I shall be thinking of you and wishing you peace and comfort through this final journey . Take good care of yourself Greg , you were / are a good son x So , so difficult , Greg . I am so sincerely sorry . I can relate to a great deal of this , as it immediately took me back to being with my grandfather , my favorite person , when he died . I wish I had your number or could drive myself to your place right this second . Best I don 't and can 't , I 'm sure , but I wish I could . You 've grieved for a long time - clearly . And you did a great deal of good for her . That is also clear . Take comfort , my friend . Lots of love to you . Thank you , both . I do , indeed , take comfort that I made a lot of good decisions for Mum and provided what she needed for the last few years of her happy life . I think I 've said all I can within the post here ( for once ) , but I 'm grateful for your messages . Thank you for being with me on the journey . It has meant a lot to me to have your support and insight . G x Hi Greg , I will also be reading this post over & over again . I 'm so sorry for your loss . I wish I could call you up or hug you too . I 'm crying for you , with my infant son sleeping beside me . You wouldn 't believe how hard I 'm crying for you . I feel like I know you since I 've been on this journey with you . Your posting took me back to the day that my mom passed and how I went to her and sat with her in her room and watched her be wheeled out later by the undertakers . Keep strong over the next while . . . it 's going to be hard , even though you 've been grieving for years . It will hit you very hard now & then . Know that you did your very best over the years and that your mom is at rest now , free from the horrible and cruel disease . Greg I have been calling almost every day to see how Mum is but I missed Monday . I am so sorry for your loss . She was blessed to have you care so much for her particularly in the last three years . What would those three years have been like without you watching out for her . Just take it slowly now and keep sharing your stories . They really do help others . Warm wishes Greg xx Greg , I echo the words of those before me . I have followed your blog via Trish and have always been touched by your loving care of your dear mum . My prayers and thoughts are with you now and over the next few weeks . HugsSheialgh GregI am so , so sorry for your loss . I don 't know what to say as I am sitting here crying for you . I have followed your journey for a few years now & have always been touched by how much you loved her & by how lovingly you cared for her . You have been a great son to her . Your stories have reached my heart & moved me to tears . Keep strong & may peaces be with you . HugsPablo Oh , Greg . I 've been away from most of my old blog friends for so long , and just started catching up the other day . I am so sorry to hear of your loss . It 's true , you have done a lot of grieving for so long , and it 's also true that you were a strong and loving force in the last years . You are in my thoughts and I send strength and hugs your way . Friends , thank you ALL for being with me on my journey - your company meant a lot to me , whether you were offering suggestions or sympathy , support or a simple " been there " . It always meant that I wasn 't alone in the situation , and that made even the worst of this journey tolerable . Please don 't cry - Mum went painlessly and quickly in the best of circumstances , back home in familiar surroundings . I couldn 't have asked for a better end for her . Greg , I just wanted to let you know that I 'm thinking of you . Yes , all the way over here in Canada , you 're on someone 's mind . I 've read this entry again this evening as I feel like I was in shock when I read it the other day . I wish I had taken photos of my mom when she passed . I know it might have felt horribly wrong but in some cultures , they take pictures at wakes ( my dad had pictures of his own mother at her wake ) . I also really " get " what you mean about your mom having the best possible ending . I always horrified myself by imagining really bad endings for my mom . . . I 'm good at self - torture . Like you mum , my mom had the best possible ending too , in familiar surroundings at her nursing home . She also left gracefully , quickly and quietly which is a true blessing . I hope you are doing ok . I 'm guessing you 've contacted your sister ? I hope her visit home goes alright . Hugs , citygirl Ah , CityMom . . . thank you . I hope you know how much I appreciated and was helped by what you had to say about your own journey with your Mom . Oh God , should I tell you about my Sister ? . . . . I tried to call her overseas as soon as I had the news but there was no answer . A day later I discovered by chance that they were visiting here in the UK and hadn 't told anyone that they 'd be here . So I called their UK mobile phone number and my Brother - in - Law eventually picked up . I said that I wanted to be the one to tell my Sister some very sad news about Mum , but I could hear my Sister in the background saying " I don 't WANT TO " . She hasn 't spoken to me or to my Mum in 6 years and it seems that even our Mother 's death doesn 't change anything . In the early days , I was hurt that I wasn 't getting even her emotional support in caring for Mum , then I spent a long time frightened for her ( thinking that she 'd feel awfully guilty if she didn 't reconcile with Mum in the time left ) . Now I just feel sickened and at the limit of my patience . Families , huh ? Greg for you own sanity just leave it . If she cannot feel then you can 't make her . She will have to live with this and you cannot be responsible for that . You have tried to make contact and " do the right thing " that is all you can do . Just relax in the knowledge that Mum had the one who was in a place to be able to care for her and she had the most loving care from you that was possible . Your sister may think she has left it too late to change her thoughts but believe me one day she will . We are all different - hope you are doing ok on this next chapter Greg and it is you who have given so much in your blog by your honesty and your ability to verbalise your emotions like I have never seen before . I hope you will continue xx Wow Greg . . . families indeed . . . that is awful that your sister wouldn 't take the phone . I cannot believe someone can be like that . I 'm sorry . I wish I could do something for you . Some families are impossible as I know all too well . I hope you are doing ok - just take care of your mom 's affairs and yourself . That is the last straw for your sister . Greg : My heart goes out to you . I just read your blog after missing several months . My mom died Aug 14 . I 've posted here as anonymous over the past several years . ( eg . . . . the shrinking window in the wall ) Your blog has been a tremendous comfort to me while caring for my mom . It helped knowing someone else would understand the weird and sometimes frightening circumstances that come up . She too had vascular dementia . Her passage took 9 years . They say her death was peaceful , but it didn 't feel that way to me . I was there and it was wrenching . Hospice helped her avoid the hospital . The hospice people were earth angels . Our experiences have echoed each other though we live on different sides of the globe . Thanks for the support your blog has given everyone going through this . I have no sibs . My partner is very supportive . . . but it wasn 't his mom . Your efforts have given much more than you realize . thank you . PT Dear PTI 'm sorry to hear that you lost your Mom this year . I remember your comments and that I found them helpful and inspiring . I feel both humble and grateful that you found some comfort having me along for the journey , too . Hopefully we can both look to the future now , knowing that we did what we could for our Mothers . I 'm glad you have a supportive partner with you . I want to thank everyone again for their comments and support over the past few years . I 'm not going to linger here too much . There are photos of Mum alive that I took only weeks ago when I had no idea that she was about to die , and it 's too hard to look at them just now . G Gerg , So sorry to hear about your mom ! Just remember she was so proud of you and you shouldn 't worry about your sister . . . sounds like a complete cow actually . How are you nieces taking it ? Are they like your sister ? Stay strong xxx Thank you , Anonymous : ) I 'm able to remind myself that I stepped up and took responsibility when I was needed , and that I took some decisions which ensured Mum was well cared for , safe and happy . She expressed her gratitude to me every time I saw her . It was scary to take charge , and a steep learning curve for me , but what seemed overwhelming at first became second - nature very soon . In many ways , Mum 's dependence was the making of me - it forced me to grow up in a way that I hadn 't before . As for my Sister , she has her own problems , pretty obviously , so I don 't want to dump on her . This is one of those situations where you cannot go backward and make amends and I fear for her in the future if she develops a conscience about what happened here . Similarly , though I have been lobbying to see her for the past few years , sending her personal and family items that I have unearthed , much of my hope and desire to restore things has left me now . In fact , I would find seeing her quite troubling at the moment . My Nieces are absolutely wonderfully sweet - natured and I really wish I saw more of them . The older one attended Mum 's funeral with me and was very supportive . Thank you for your thoughts I am so sorry . Take care . God Bless . I will have to go through this someday and I hope I can with such grace as you . Thank you for helping me . Greg , I 'm only a recent convert to your writings , and a newcomer to this thoughtfully - told tale . Let me offer belated , but heartfelt , condolence . Condolence not just for your mother 's death , but for the many other bereavements , large and small , that occurred over the years . There must have been times when you felt loss piled upon loss , griefs of every kind in constant succession . You wrote of your mother 's previous emotional distance , and how you simply would not allow the memory of it to derail you on this journey . Before he died , I confronted the same with my father - - from whom I copped a truckload of physical and emotional abuse - - and like you , found that the experience made an adult of me . No , scratch that . It made a man of me . My partner and I recently saw a retrospective of the Japanese photographer Nobuyoshi Araki , which included the famous sequence of photographs in which he meticulously documented his wife 's death from cancer thirty years ago . The images were brutal . But somehow , in acknowledging the brutality of death , utterly respectful . I am sure that no matter how ghoulish you may have felt photographing your mother at your last visit , it was a necessary act . We need to remember what the truth actually looks like , do we not ? THH Thank you , THH . As a former resident of Munich ( and , indeed , Tokyo ) with many fond memories , I have been very interested to read your blog for some time now . Today I find I 'm a lot less confident writing on this subject , so forgive me if I keep this short . I am pleased to find another topic we have in common and I am interested to read that you similarly felt you grew as a Man in dealing with your Father 's decline . I 'm sure you found that all the rules change when a relative succumbs to dementia and that there is no point in holding grudges , because the person with whom you 've struggled is gone . It is a bewildering process and I 'm glad I recorded it all as it happened . Most of these entries are just like those photographs I took at the end : I look back at them now to confirm that these events really took place . At times I worried about being disrespectful to my Mother by revealing too much , but those snapshots I was most challenged by ended up being those I 'm proudest of , and they usually got the strongest response from others . I didn 't feel able to pursue my dreams whilst my Mother was so dependent . Once her estate is settled I have no more excuses and I hope to settle my affairs here be on the road again . I 'll give you guys a shout if I 'm passing through Munich . Greg Thanks , Chris . I think you may be the first person to comment who actually knew Mum . Thank you so much for reading and for your kind words . I 've been pleased over the years that others have recognised and shared their own experiences . I 'm sure the ' convincing ' aspect comes from writing it all down as it happened . The uncertainty on my part is always a given . It was lovely to see you and your Mother again recentlyBest WishesGreg Dear GregI don 't know whether you ever revisit these pages . I came back to my own and in doing so , re - found you - and found also that your Mum had died so unexpectedly , heart - wrenchingly suddenly . After all that time , then - no time . No time at all . I 'm so sorry . I love the photo of your Mum and you as a little boy . Her eyes so full of joy , and how that resonates because I was lucky enough to see the same in my own mother 's eyes , and I hope that 's what my own two sons see in mine . I remember too , how you took your Mum to the make up department in a store to while away a happy hour or so of cosseting . How thoughtful you were , how caring . I hope your life has pieced itself together . I hope you are happy . We can never be the same again , I know , but perhaps we can keep the light still , somewhere , that light of having loved someone so much . I lost Mum too , last year . Not sure yet , if , I can write about it but I wouldn 't have changed looking after her for the world . Take care Greg . Tx Dear AnonymousThank you for commenting . Anything posted here is automatically forwarded to me by email . I do , occasionally , revisit in order to remind myself of the detail . I 've been writing and performing poems about Mum and her illness , and my evolving awareness of what was needed of me . I 've got 30 completed now and at least as many in progress . I 've been very pleased by the strong response that these poems receive whenever I 've performed them and I hope one day to publish , at which point I 'll add a post here with information as to how to get hold of the book . It 's a little over 3 years now since Mum died . Sometimes it feels like longer , sometimes it feels extremely recent . I 'm very sorry to hear of your loss and I 'm grateful to hear from you . Like you , I am glad I had the opportunity to care for my Mum . It gave me a chance to thank her and to be the Son I often doubted I could be , a better person , I hope . I understand when you say that you 're not sure about writing about your loss . I wrote this blog as a way of coping at the time , whilst also hoping that it would help others . Now , three years on , I find that a lot of the fine detail is missing from my memory and I 'm so glad I got it down before I forgot . Best wishesGreg x Oh Greg , so good of you to write & how lovely to hear back from you . Please do post about your poems . I would love to get a copy when you publish . It is the most extraordinary journey . I couldn 't sign in before - I had completely forgotten my password ! Tilly x
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